#hopefully it's just the seasonal stress talking and I'll come to like it after a few months lmao

[lemon-zesttt]

"Oh, how I love white Christmas (❁´◡`❁)" I say, full of delusion. Sweating my ass off in a country that doesn't even snow

[onceuponaoneshotfanfic]

How You Get the Girl (Superstar Chapter 9)

I want you for worse or for better

I would wait for ever and ever

Broke your heart, I'll put it back together

I would wait for ever and ever

Roy and the Reader finally figure out what they want.

Roy Kent x Reader

6.8k words

Warnings: Language, teeny tiny angst at the start, lots of apologies, hard flirting & allusions to smutty activities, adults drinking, fluffy fluffy fluff

Thanks for sticking with me through the angst! Hopefully this chapter makes up for it because I made myself giggle and blush from some of the fluff in this chapter 💖

~

Choosing a game day outfit had never been more stressful. Normally, it was quick work: jeans, Greyhounds sweater, comfy shoes, sometimes a cap on sunny days. But most game days didn’t follow a text from Roy Kent asking if we could talk. The first text he’d sent me after our breakup. Five little words that gave me a glimmer of hope that maybe- maybe­- we could fix things.

I hadn’t told anyone about the text; not Keeley, not Rebecca, not my girlfriends, not my mum. What if I was wrong? What if I’d totally misread everything at the ballet and in the car? What if Roy still totally hated my guts and was dating someone new- or worse, Brittany fucking Brett- and was doing the decent thing and telling me first before I saw it online?

But I couldn’t help but feel some non-Roy-related joy as I sorted through my worryingly obsessive amount of Richmond sweaters. Despite my personal anguish, there was something truly exciting happening: the Greyhounds were winning. And today’s match against Chelsea had the potential to do the impossible: put AFC Richmond in first place. There was still plenty of season to go, but everyone couldn’t help but feel hopeful going into this game and what it would mean for the rest of our season. Even with whatever was happening in my personal life, I couldn’t help but skip down to my car, humming “We're Richmond till we die. We know we are, we're sure we are, we're Richmond till we die!”

For the first time in weeks, I parked my car close to the building; in fact, I parked it right next to Roy’s big stupid car, the sight of which made my heart rate race just a bit faster, especially considering it was way earlier than his usual arrival time. I had to stop myself from rushing into the offices and looking too eager; but, as it turned out, I didn’t need to worry about how I appeared walking into my office. Roy wasn’t there.

Pretending that I wasn’t disappointed, I started on my game day routine, putting things where they belonged and making sure the gaffers would have everything they needed once they arrived. But I couldn’t stop thinking about Roy’s text.

The night before, after I’d read his text for the hundredth time, I’d responded with Yes, of course. I saw those three little dots and then… nothing. It had been a little off-putting, but I somewhat understood; it was Roy after all. He’d find me when he was ready.

“Oi, you busy?”

I turned and saw Jamie standing in the doorway, holding a little orange piece of paper in his hands. He had that bashful look he wore the night he brought me my box of stuff from Roy’s, but there was a mischievous glint in his eye this time.

“Me? Busy before a match? Never.” I grinned at him. “You’re here early. D’you need something?”

“We did this morning’s workout here because Roy said he had business to handle before the match.” He stepped forward and handed me the little piece of paper. “Told me to come give this to you. And to ask you to please go to your assigned seat as soon as possible.” He nodded to the little note I now held. “Then I’ve gotta go run for somethin’ like a thousand hours on the treadmill, but I think he was just jokin’ about that one.” He paused, clearly thinking. “I hope.”

I looked at Jamie quizzically, unable to resist chuckling at his equally confused expression. “Alright Jamie. Thanks for the message.”

Jamie gave me a small salute and sauntered off. As soon as he was gone, I looked carefully at the little orange sticky note in my hand. It simply read the number for a stadium seat. A bit puzzled, I grabbed my tablet- the one thing I was never without on game day- and strolled out of the office, briskly making my way to the stands.

As I walked through the empty seats, I spotted a lone figure in a dark shirt sitting exactly where I was headed. My heart skipped a beat as soon as I saw him, and I did my best to bite back a smile. No matter what this conversation held, I couldn’t deny how happy I was to see Roy.

“This seat taken?” I teased as I approached.

He grunted and nodded towards the seat next to him, his mouth twitching in the corner, the way it always did when he was fighting a smile. I sat down and looked out at the field; I’d sat out here many times before with my family or with my mates, seen this view many times before, but somehow the grass seemed greener, the red and blue seats seemed brighter, the white lines seemed crisper. Perhaps it was because Roy Kent wasn’t running down the pitch, but was instead next to me, looking as anxious as I felt.

“This isn’t too fucking dramatic, is it?” he asked with a scowl. “Sitting out here and all?”

I shrugged. “Just dramatic enough for my taste.”

“Hmmf.” He paused for a moment. “Did you enjoy the recital last night?”

I turned back to Roy, who was looking at me with his eyebrows raised. “Oh, um, yeah.” Not the question I was expecting. “Did you?”

He shrugged, his leg shaking a bit. “It was a bunch of eight-year-olds jumping around to instrumental versions of Taylor Swift songs. It was fine.” He paused, his gaze shifting down. “But I liked that you were there,” he mumbled.

My eyes fell to my tablet as my finger traced the AFC on one of my stickers. “I… I liked being there too. It was nice to see Phoebe. And your sister.” I paused, letting my eyes flicker to Roy. “And you. Thanks for driving me home, by the way.”

“Couldn’t let you walk,” he grumbled, shifting slightly in his seat. He was silent after that.

I cleared my throat. “So, is that what you wanted to talk about? Phoebe’s ballet?”

“Fuck no,” he grunted, clenching and unclenching his fist. “I wanted to talk about… well, you know…” He gestured between us. “This thing.”

“This thing,” I repeated with a slow nod. “You and me, you mean?”

He coughed. “Yeah. You and me.”

Clearly, I would have to be the one to get the ball rolling. “And what about you and me?”

Roy let out one of those giant sighs and looked up at the blue sky. “I fucking miss you,” he mumbled. “Even more than Oscar does.”

I didn’t hide my smile. “Well, I miss you fellas too,” I admitted. “Quite a bit actually.”

With an abruptness, Roy turned and faced me, his eyebrows knitted together. “Listen,” he said, his voice low. “I get now that you didn’t do anything wrong or on purpose, but I’m still really upset about that fucking article. It feels like shit to be talked about that way in print, which I’m sure you get now. Makes you feel like…. Like….” He tapped his fingers on his jiggling knee. “Like that fucking scene in Finding Nemo where the fucking braceface girl is tapping on the aquarium and the fish all freak the fuck out.”

“I guess you could say reporters are piranhas,” I joked, immediately understanding the feeling he was talking about.

My reference was rewarded with the sight of Roy’s mouth tugging upwards in the corners. “Exactly.” He folded his arms and slouched a bit. “But yeah. It fucking sucks. And the idea of trusting someone with all my secrets and knowing that at any moment all of that could be leaked is kind of…” He bobbled his head, his eyes on the sky. “Scary,” he finished in a low voice. “And it makes me feel… exposed.” He looked at me carefully, as if he dared me to laugh at the words coming out of his mouth. When I didn’t, he sighed and continued. “It’s not exactly a secret that I have a bit of a shit track record with the press and my love life.”

I couldn’t argue with that last point; I’d religiously followed his dating history over the years, a fact I suddenly felt embarrassed by. “I wouldn’t do that to you, Roy,” I whispered, resisting the urge to grab his hand. “D’you trust me on that?”

Roy let out a deep, growling sigh. “I want to,” he admitted. “But when you’ve been fucked over as much as I have…” He shrugged. “Shit’s fucking hard.”

Knots appeared in my stomach. “Oh.”

As if he could read my mind, he reached over and grabbed my hand. He spoke quickly, as if he wanted to get his next words over with. “So, I’ve made an appointment with Doctor Sharon so I can start working through all that shit and be…” He closed his eyes and let out a deep, growling breath. “A better version of myself,” he said through gritted teeth.

“That’s really good, Roy,” I assured him, squeezing his hand. “I’m proud of you for taking care of yourself.”

He opened his eyes and tilted his head to look at me. “I love you,” he said. Simple. Straightforward. Easy. “I really fucking love you. And I want to make sure that we can give each other what we need.” He stroked the back of my hand with his thumb. “What I need is someone I can trust. Someone who isn’t going to turn around and blab all my shit. Someone who’ll protect me.” He raised his eyebrows at me. “What do you need?”

I paused. “Am I allowed to say you?”

The smallest smile graced his face. “No. But thank you.” He bumped his shoulder into mine. “Come on, tell me what you fucking need.”

“Hmm.” I thought for a moment, ignoring how wonderfully warm Roy’s hand felt in mine. “I need… I need to feel like I’m not something to be embarrassed by. Like I’m not some dirty secret.” I scrunched my face as my voice got small. “Like I’m not some little fangirl with a crush instead of a woman in a relationship. Like I don’t have to compete with models and actresses.”

Roy nodded thoughtfully. “Alright. I hear that.” He looked me in the eye intently and gave my hand a squeeze. “But just so you know, in my mind, you never have to compete with anyone, you hear?”

A lump formed in my throat when I saw that adoration return to the eyes I loved so much. “Alright,” I whispered. I looked down at our hands. “So… where does this leave us, Roy?”

With his free hand, Roy lifted my chin so I could look him in the eye. “We keep talking,” he said slowly. “We fucking tell each other what we want and need. We give each other our best, every fucking day. And we see how that goes.” He paused. “Is that alright? For now, I mean?”

“Yeah, that’s alright,” I breathed, giving his hand a squeeze. I cleared my throat, realizing that it was about time for the gates to start opening and for the team to get ready to warm up. “We should go get ready for the match, hmm?”

Roy nodded, standing and pulling me up with him, giving my hand a gentle squeeze before letting go. “You’re still coming to see Oscar today, right?”

“Of course,” I assured him as we made our way out of the stands. “I think I’ve missed him more than I’ve missed you,” I teased, hoping Roy would laugh.

And he did.

~

“Go on, Sam!” I shrieked, bouncing up and down, my knuckles white as I clutched my tablet to my chest.

We were well into stoppage time, somewhere in the ninety-seventh minute, tied 2-2 with Chelsea. I could feel the roar of the crowd vibrating deep in my chest as Sam raced down the field, far, far ahead of the defenders. I didn’t need to check my data, all the numbers on spreadsheets that showed what an amazing season Sam was having, to know he had this. I could see it in the way he carried himself.

My entire body tensed as he inched closer, closer…

And scored.

Almost immediately, the whistle shrieked, signaling the end of the game, and Richmond’s new place at the top of the Premier League standings. I screamed and threw my tablet into an empty dugout seat, knowing Will would be too excited to properly catch it. I followed the gaffers out onto the pitch, joining the team in tackling Sam, whose infectious laugh I could hear somewhere in the crowd. In all the jumping and cheering and laughing, I registered Ted smacking a kiss on my cheek, and Beard ruffling my hair, and the rest of the boys hugging me tight.

Finally, my eyes found Roy, who wore that big smile, the same one he’d worn after our very first kiss at my parents’ house. His smile softened as he made his way to me, shaking off players’ attempts at congratulations, stopping in front of me. I wondered if a hug would be too much to ask for-

“I’m proud of you,” he whispered, his hands cupping my face. “Really fucking proud of you.” He looked at the celebration raging around us. “And I want all these pricks to know it.”

Before I could ask what he meant, he ducked his head and crashed his lips into mine. His kiss was desperate, hungry, needy. Like he was a dying man with one last request. I smiled against his lips, remembering how much I loved the tickle of his beard against my skin as I laid my hands on his hips, pulling him closer. When I opened my mouth, he let out a small hum of delight, the vibrations rumbling against my chest. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I registered the rowdy shouts and whistles coming from some of the players once they spotted us, the hearty “Well I’ll be!” from Ted, and what sounded like shrieks from Keeley and Rebecca- and was that Higgins too?- in the owner’s box. But all I could truly focus on was Roy. The feeling of his lips, the taste of his tongue, the sound of his gentle moan against my mouth, the smell of the cologne I’d bought for him in Paris, my fingers digging into the fabric of his shirt, the intense pounding of his heart.

“Oi! Coach! Keep it family-friendly over there!”

With a low growl, Roy removed his lips from mine, instead pressing our foreheads together. “I’m gonna fucking kill Jamie Tartt,” he grumbled, his gentle smile contrasting his violent words.

I couldn’t help but laugh and bury my face in his chest, tightening my grip on him. “What happened to ‘privacy’?” I asked, my voice full of teasing.

Roy shrugged, lifting my face so we were looking at each other. “Fuck privacy. My team’s in first place. I wanted to fucking kiss my girl.” As if to prove his point, he planted a kiss on my lips again, smaller this time, but just as heated. When he released me, he brushed a loose strand of hair out of my face. “What’re the odds we can get through this party without having a dramatic row?”

I shrugged, fixing the sides of his shirt where I’d been gripping him. “Third time’s the charm, Kent.”

~

Roy insisted on not splitting to go get ready for the team celebration that night. Instead, he drove us both to his place so I could spend some time with Oscar while Roy got ready, then to my place so I could change into the little black dress he liked. When I walked out of my bedroom, transformed from “Game Day” me to “Going to the club with Roy Kent” me, his jaw dropped softly as he eyed me from the couch.

“C’mere,” he mumbled, grabbing my hand and pulling me into his lap. “Fucking gorgeous,” he purred, planting a kiss on my shoulder. He moved my hair away from my neck and laid a slow kiss there. “Do we have to go? We don’t seem to have the best luck at parties,” he teased, as if his real motivation wasn’t completely obvious.

I shoved him playfully. “Come on, Kent. Let’s go break our curse.”

The celebration was in full swing when we arrived at the swanky club the boys had chosen for to honor the occasion. As we approached the doors, I tightened my grip around Roy’s hand. As if he could feel my anxiety growing, he bent down and planted a kiss on my cheek.

“Ready for the official debut of Roy Kent and his anonymous assistant?” I joked tensely.

With a small smile, Roy shook his head. “Fuck that. I’m ready to make our debut as you and me. Just us.”

My heart skipped a beat when I caught sight of the affection in his eye. “Just us,” I repeated. “I like the sound of that.”

Hand in hand, we walked through the bustling club, offering nods of acknowledgement to the players who shot us mischievous looks. Roy led me to the bar, where he ordered my usual drink and a beer for himself.

“Cheers,” he murmured, handing me my drink. He leaned on the bar and gazed at me as he took a sip of his beer, his eyes moving slowly down my figure. “You look so damn-”

“You guys!” Keeley squealed, throwing her arms around us and giving a squeeze before letting go, Jamie at her heels. “Holy shit! I have so many questions, you have to tell me everything!”

I glanced at Roy and intertwined our fingers. “Not much to tell,” I said with a shrug, suddenly feeling bashful.

Roy lifted my hand to his lips and kissed my knuckles gently. “What she said.”

Jamie tapped his drink to Roy’s beer. “Cheers, Coach.” He smiled. “Guess this means we’ve got some double dates in our future, yeah?”

“Fuck off,” Roy scoffed, rolling his eyes good-naturedly. The squeeze he gave my hand assured me that yes, we would have double dates with these two, no matter what he said with his mouth.

“Well, well, well, would you look at you two!” Ted approached us, his grin wider than I’d ever seen it. “Caught your lip lock after the game. All ya needed was some rain and y’all woulda given Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams a real run for their money. The Notebook, more like the Playbook, ya know?” He winked at Roy. “Went and got ’er, huh?”

Another eye roll from Roy. “Yeah, yeah, thanks for the advice.” He turned to me. “Can we go sit down now? My fuckin’ knee is killing me.”

I stifled a giggle as I let him lead me to a secluded couch, away from the curious gazes of the Richmond players and staff. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and stared at me with a lazy grin. I turned my body to face him, the gears in my head turning.

“So, Ted gave you advice about us, hmm?”

Roy took a long drink of his beer. “He may have told me some stuff.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Y’know, before I left to go get ready for Phoebe’s recital, I heard Ted and Beard barking and running out of the office. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you, Kent?”

He let out a low growl and bobbled his head. “I may have asked the fucking Diamond Dogs for advice,” he muttered.

“You must’ve been desperate,” I teased, nudging him with my shoulder.

His eyes softened. “Guess I was,” he hummed, leaning towards me to steal a brief kiss. “Fucking missed this,” he mumbled, pressing his lips to my neck. “Missed you.”

“So, what advice did the Diamond Dogs give you?” I pressed, not willing to let him distract me from the topic at hand. “Or is it totally confidential?”

He tossed his head back with a defeated sigh. “They told me to fucking communicate with you. And to be willing to be, I dunno, vulnerable and shit.”

“Vulnerable,” I repeated, taking a sip of my drink. “That’s pretty sexy, you know.”

His eyebrows flew up. “So, if I spill all my fucking secrets and cry a bit, you’ll come home with me tonight?” he teased, leaning close.

“Only because I want to see Oscar,” I shot back, bumping his nose with mine.

Before Roy could retort or kiss me, Sam, Dani, and Colin ambled over, shit-eating grins on their faces. Roy scowled at them, while I opted for a smile and wave.

“Hi boys,” I greeted, prepared for the teasing we were about to receive.

Dani raised his eyebrow at us. “So, this is for real, yes?”

Colin nodded emphatically. “Don’t go jerking us ’round. We’ve been waiting for this for months.”

A look of almost revulsion spread across Roy’s face as he scoffed. “Are you pricks fucking serious?”

“Dead serious, boyo,” Colin confirmed. “Er, Coach,” he corrected under Roy’s glare. “We’ve been rooting for you. Even had a pool going about when you two’d get together.”

Sam grinned. “I had bet on the last game of the season. I am a very big fan of a dramatic slow-burn romance.”

As the boys chattered on about the different bets they’d placed and why, Roy leaned close to me. “Should we tell them we first got together fucking months ago?” he whispered in my ear.

I shook my head. “Don’t spoil their fun.”

~

I woke up smelling cinnamon. I turned over in bed, finding only Oscar, who’d ditched his own bed for Roy’s at some point.

“Morning, Oscar,” I mumbled, stroking the dog’s fur. “Where’s Roy, hmm?”

When the dog didn’t answer, I rolled myself out of bed and headed downstairs, the pitter-patter of Oscar’s paws following me the whole way. I found Roy in the kitchen, fully dressed, whistling and making French toast. Keeping quiet, I hovered in the doorway, watching him as my heart swelled with joy. He moved with a lightness I didn’t think I’d ever seen. It took me a moment to realize he was whistling “Something Good” from The Sound of Music. Unofficially “our song”.

Doing my best to step silently, I approached and wrapped my arms around his middle. “What’re you up to?” I asked innocently, batting my eyelashes at him.

He peered down at me, the corner of his mouth lifting. “Making some fucking breakfast.”

“For who?”

“Jamie fucking Tartt,” he grumbled sarcastically, kissing the top of my head. “Who d’you fucking think?” He nodded towards the kitchen island. “Sit.”

I made a face at him. “Yes, Coach,” I teased, slipping my arms from around him and taking my usual seat. On the countertop were Roy’s car keys and a cup of tea. I took a sip and glanced up at Roy, who had resumed his whistling. “Did you go to the shop this morning?”

He shrugged. “Needed syrup.” He glanced back at me. “Hope your tea’s still hot.”

“It’s perfect,” I stared at him. “What’s with the production this morning?”

Roy plated a couple slices of French toast and brought it over to me. “Fuck d’you mean?”

I shrugged as I took the plate. “You went to the shop before I was awake to get syrup. Let me sleep in. Made sure my tea was ready. Cooked my favorite breakfast.” I raised an eyebrow at him. “You’re spoiling me, Kent.”

“Ah.” Roy grabbed a fork and the syrup and slid them over to me, then leaned his elbows on the counter. “I… am just glad you’re here,” he said slowly, looking at me intently. “I have mentioned that I fucking missed you, yeah?”

My face warmed as I turned my attention to drowning my French toast in syrup. “You may have mentioned it once or twice.”

He let out a shy chuckle, a sound I didn’t hear too often. “Well, I just wanted to, I don’t fucking know, celebrate getting back together.” He wrinkled his nose, clearly feeling the same nervousness I was feeling. “I know we’re still figuring all this shit out, but it’s nice. It’s fucking nice.”

“Yeah,” I agreed softly. I took a bite of French toast and felt myself melt at the familiar taste. “Shit. I almost forgot Roy Kent can cook,” I teased.

Rolling his eyes, Roy turned and served himself a plate before joining me back at the island. “Alright. So, I was thinking-”

“A dangerous pastime.”

He narrowed his eyes at me. “Almost forgot you never fucking shut up.” He took an aggressive bite of his breakfast. “Like I was saying, I was thinking we should swing by your place today.” His eyes flickered up to me. “Pick up that box of stuff Jamie brought you.” The air felt heavy for a moment at the mention of what I thought of as the ‘break-up box’. “Y’know, because you need a toothbrush.” He wrinkled his nose playfully. “Your morning breath is fucking awful.”

“Prick,” I mumbled, unable to contain my grin.

It felt good to be back.

~

That Monday, after pulling into his usual parking at Nelson Road, Roy turned off the car and eyed me carefully. “What?”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “What what?”

“You’ve had this fucking… look on your face the whole drive over.” He shrugged. “You thinkin’ about something?”

“Oh.” I looked down at my hands. “Just… everyone knows now,” I huffed, trying to sound casual.

Roy leaned his head back against the headrest. “Don’t fucking tell me you want to go back to keeping things secret?” he asked teasingly. “Because I will drive this car off a fucking cliff.”

I laughed. “No. It’s just going to take some getting used to. I fully expect at least a month of teasing from the guys.”

“Yeah. But at least I can do this whenever I fucking want.” He leaned over and pressed his lips to mine, slowly, tenderly, full of affection.

When he pulled back, I smiled, the butterflies in my stomach now completely gone. “Whenever you want, hmm? I’d love to see you try that during training.”

“Don’t tempt me,” he murmured.

I nodded towards the building. “Come on, then. Can’t have you making me late, you menace.”

I had walked into the offices side by side with Roy before. Many times. It wasn’t a secret that we drove to work together sometimes, claiming that I liked to use the carpool time to try to transcribe Roy’s shit handwriting to our digital playbook I’d made.

Now, however, Roy casually threw his arm around my shoulders, making me feel like a teenage girl walking down the hall with the most popular boy in school, my cheeks growing a smidge warmer with every pair of eyes that glanced our way with knowing smiles.

In the changing room, the guys all stood a little taller, mouths open with glee, when we walked in. Before any of them could make one of the million comments they’d probably had prepared for months, Roy cleared his throat, shooting them his most intimidating glare.

“Don’t.”

Quickly, each Greyhound turned and pretended to be very busy in their cubbies. I chuckled and knocked my hip into Roy’s as he led me to the coaching offices, where Ted and Beard sat, sipping coffee.

Beard raised his eyebrows at us. “Well, hello there,” he greeted in a sing-songy voice, tapping the brim of his hat.

Roy nodded with a small grunt in return, speaking the wordless language only the two of them understood.

Ted lit up as he looked us over. “Move over Becks and Posh, there’s a new hot couple in the soccer world!” He lifted his paper cup in our direction. “Seriously, I am very happy for you two. Roy, you are practically glowing.”

The furrow in Roy’s brow at Ted’s comment was almost enough to make me giggle. “Right, I should let you gentlemen get ready for training.” I beamed up at Roy. “You pick lunch today.”

“Fine.” He bent his head and kissed my lips, eliciting little oooohs from Ted and Beard. Roy growled at them, but I could see a playful glimmer in his eye.

I practically skipped to my desk and set my things down, glancing at the to-do list I’d left myself before the weekend. As I opened my laptop and started looking at the week’s schedule, my eyes were drawn to the wall space above my desk- specifically, to the spot formerly taken up by a particular little orange sticky note.

Roy stepped into the office and dropped his duffel on his chair. Apparently, his gaze was drawn to the same spot. “I should write you a new autograph,” he murmured, his voice light.

“I’ll just ask Keeley to give the old one back,” I replied with a shrug.

“Nah.” I heard scribbling behind me. “Here.” Roy leaned over me and stuck a new sticky note on the wall.

To my favourite fan. XOXO Roy

I tilted my head up to see Roy gazing down at me. “How much d’you think I could get for this on eBay?”

“Fuck you.” He kissed the top of my head. “See you later.”

As soon as Roy and the other gaffers were out of the office, I couldn’t help myself; I spun around in my chair, giggling like a schoolgirl in love.

~

“I don’t need a chaperone,” Roy grumbled as we walked arm-in-arm through the building. “I fucking know where her office is.”

I rolled my eyes. “I know. I’m just offering my support. Being a good girlfriend.”

Roy grunted. “Fine. Whatever.” We walked in silence for a bit before he opened his mouth again. “Thanks. For being supportive.”

“Anytime.” I smiled up at him. “I’m really proud of you, y’know.”

Glancing around us at the empty hallway, Roy stopped walking and leaned against the wall, sliding his hand down to hold mine. “And why’s that?”

I pressed myself close to him. “Because. You’re doing something, I dunno, brave. Working through something that’s hard for you. Being vulnerable.” I put a teasing emphasis on the word, knowing Roy hated it.

Sure enough, he growled. “You still find that sexy, right?”

“Very,” I assured him. I kissed his cheek. “I find it so sexy I’m thinking I’ll spend the night at your place again tonight.”

He smirked. “That’s three nights in a row.”

I shrugged. “What can I say? You’ve been very vulnerable lately. I can’t resist.”

“Imagine how much you’ll like me after my therapy session.” He pulled out his phone and glanced at it. “Which I am going to be fucking late for if I don’t get going.”

“Alright, go, go.” I planted one more kiss on his lips. “You’ve got this. I love you.”

An hour later, Roy returned to our office, where I was working out a schedule to send to Keeley so she could have some of the guys in an advertisement. As soon as I heard the familiar sound of Roy’s heavy footsteps, I whipped my chair around.

“So, how’d it go?” I asked in a cheery tone as Roy plopped into his chair.

He grunted, swiveling his chair from side to side. “Fine.”

I eyed him carefully, his expression unreadable. “You don’t have to tell me anything,” I assured him. “I just hope you found it helpful.”

Roy glanced through the window into Ted’s empty office. “Are they gone?”

I nodded. “Pretty much everyone’s already left for the day.”

“Good.” He pushed his chair closer to mine. “Doctor Sharon was good,” he started. “I, uh, told her about what happened with us. About all the shit the press I’ve had for, like, ever. About how Brittany Brett treated me. About having my watch stolen.” He paused. “Really fucking liked that watch too.”

“And did Doctor Sharon say anything you found helpful?” I asked, trying to get Roy back on track.

“A lot of the same shit the Diamond Dogs said, actually.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Communication, being willing to be vulnerable-”

I pretended to swoon. “My favorite word.”

He smirked. “And she talked about being very honest with you when something makes me uncomfortable or if I need something from you.” He leaned forward and grabbed my hands. “She also reminded me that you were very patient with me when I asked you to keep things quiet. That you have shown over and over that you care about me, just Roy, not about me as a football legend.”

I made a face. “D’you ever feel like a wanker when you call yourself a ‘legend’?”

“Why? Do I sound like one?” He wrinkled his nose.

“Just a bit.”

He chuckled. “Fuck me then. Anyway.” He squeezed my hands. “Doctor Sharon also said that we… should try to forgive each other.” His eyes searched mine. “So, I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I made you feel like a secret or like I was fucking ashamed to be with you. That was never what I wanted. I’m…” He paused, glancing down. “I’m very fucking proud to be with you, actually.” He cleared his throat. “You’re fucking amazing. Fucking smart as hell, and kind, and you’re great with Phoebe, and you love football, and you’re fucking fit.” His eyes flickered back to my face. “And most importantly, I fucking love you.” He took a deep breath. “So I hope you… forgive me.”

I leaned back in my chair, taking in every word Roy had just said. “I forgive you.” I leaned forward and kissed the tip of his nose. “And I’m sorry, Roy. For letting Brittany Brett get to me and not respecting what you had asked about keeping quiet. And for making you uncomfortable by being so pushy that night instead of having an adult conversation.” I offered an unsure smile. “Forgive me?”

“Course I fucking forgive you.” Roy’s ears were a deep red. “Alright, is that enough being vulnerable for today?”

I chuckled. “Sure, Roy.”

“Good.” Without warning he stood and picked me up, one arm under my legs and the other behind my back, smirking at my surprised squeal. “When we get home, you can show me how much you like me being vulnerable.”

~

“You fucking sure you have to go?” Roy had asked me the same question about twenty times on Friday evening from the moment we left work to the moment I tossed my overnight bag into his car.

I rolled my eyes, biting back a grin as I wrapped my arms around him. “Yes, Roy. Keeley’s gone all out planning this pyjama party and if I cancel on her I’m pretty sure she’ll murder me.”

“I don’t mind planning a funeral,” he muttered, kissing my face. “Might be kind of fun.”

I pretended to be offended. “Really? You’d let someone kill me so I don’t go to a fucking slumber party?”

He shrugged. “I… fucking like waking up with you next to me,” he muttered, rolling his eyes with embarrassment.

“You needy thing,” I mumbled, breaking out of his grip and opening the passenger door. “Come on, you said you’d be my chauffer.”

“Hold on, I've got somethin’ for you.” He disappeared into the house and came back out holding-

“Is that my fucking lucky sweater?” I gasped as he handed it to me. “You had it this whole fucking time?” I thew it on over the t-shirt I was wearing with my leggings. “You prick, I was busting my ass looking for this.”

Roy looked sheepish. “I meant to put it in the box Tartt took over to you,” he admitted. “But I just…” He shrugged. “I couldn’t.”

My annoyance gave way to soft affection. “Roy Kent, you sentimental fool,” I muttered, kissing his cheek. “Still have to take me to Keeley’s though.”

He grunted and helped me into the car. “Was worth a fucking shot.”

Keeley Jones had the perfect house for a good, old-fashioned slumber party. Everything was pink and neon and glittery and covered in feathers. She answered the door in the cutest pink-checkered pyjamas I’d ever seen, with her hair held in pigtails by matching pink pom-poms and fuzzy pink slippers on her feet.

“There you are!” she exclaimed, wrapping me in a hug. “Rebecca’s already inside, she’s making mimosas.”

“Oi!” Roy leaned out the car window, smirking at us. “Take good care of her, alright? I want her back in one piece.”

Keeley stuck out her tongue at him. “No boys allowed! You can have her back tomorrow!”

Roy rolled his eyes, still smirking, and waved before driving off. I turned to Keeley, who squealed excitedly and ushered me inside, where Rebecca greeted me with a kiss on the cheek and a glass in my hand. The three of us settled in Keeley’s living room, bubbly pop music blasting from a speaker as we clutched fluffy pillows and dug into the snacks Keeley had put out.

“Alright,” Keeley started, waggling her eyebrows. “Spill.”

I sipped my drink, trying to be casual. “About?”

Rebecca scoffed. “Don’t be coy. Tell us everything about you and Roy.” She made a face. “Shit. Didn’t mean to rhyme.”

A soft chuckle escaped my lips as I brought my knees to my chest, feeling every bit the young girl at a sleepover. “I mean, what’s there to say? We were together, that stupid article happened, we got back together. That’s it.”

“No, not all the drama,” Keeley said, wrinkling her nose. “We want the details.” She leaned in close. “Like, what he’s like when you’re alone. The dates you go on. That sort of thing.” She touched her glass to mine. “Of course, what’s said at pyjama parties, stays at pyjama parties, alright?”

I shot her a thankful smile. “Fine.” Another sip. “Roy’s… wonderful,” I sighed. “He’s so gentle and romantic. So fucking sweet to me.” I thought for a moment. “He cooks. Likes to make me my tea in the morning.” After a pause, I added, “He let me name his dog.”

“Roy has a dog?” Rebecca asked, eyebrows raised.

“Yeah, Oscar.” I grinned. “Named him after the Sesame Street character.”

Keeley giggled. “Oh shit, that’s so cute!”

We sat like that for hours, chattering and drinking, giggling and singing along to the songs that Keeley played. Finally, after a particularly spirited rendition of “Wannabe” at around midnight, Keeley perked up.

“I have a fabulous idea,” she announced, jumping to her feet with a surprising agility for someone who had lost count of her mimosas. We gazed at her expectantly. “What slumber party is complete without some pranks?”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “What’d you have in mind?”

An hour later, we stood in front of Roy’s house, chalk in hand.

“Oh no,” I protested. “Roy’s going to fucking kill us.”

“Come on, we already did Jamie’s house.” Keeley pouted. “We’ve gotta do your boyfriend’s house too.” She lit up like a Christmas tree and held up her piece of chalk. “Let’s get to work!”

Giggling and shushing one another like children, we tiptoed up Roy’s driveway and began drawing all over his driveway and walkway. Keeley, classy as always, drew very detailed anatomical pictures, while Rebecca doodled an exaggerated but sweet caricature of Roy. My vandalism was simple: a giant heart with our names inside.

Right as I was adding smaller hearts around my drawing, the door burst open.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

All three of us dropped our chalk.

“Run for it!” Keeley squealed, jumping up. “Looking fit Roy!” she called over her shoulder as she sprinted back to our Uber, Rebecca laughing behind her.

Before I could catch up, Roy’s arms wrapped around me. “Gotcha,” he grumbled, giving me a playful squeeze.

I looked up at him, completely drunk and in love. “Hi there.” Despite the number of times I’d slept next to him, I couldn’t help blushing at the sight of him shirtless.

His tired face softened. “What the fuck were you guys doing?” He stifled a yawn.

“Playing a prank,” I admitted. I pointed to the ground. “I drew that one.”

He looked down. “Cute,” he snorted. He glanced across the driveway, where the girls were clambering into the Uber. “You don’t have to go back with them, do you?” He was practically whining, something I’d never heard before.

I kissed his face. “I’ll see you in the morning. Go cuddle Oscar if you miss me so much.”

“But he doesn’t look nearly as fit as you do in my old kits.” He gave me a squeeze and kissed my forehead. “Go on, then. I’ll pick you up in the morning.”

As I sat in the back of the car listening to Keeley and Rebecca howl with laughter, I leaned my head back and smiled, feeling drunk and sleepy and lucky and so in love with Roy Kent, who I knew would pick me up in the morning with a smile on his face and a chocolate muffin in his hand.

~

Taglist: @optimisticsandwichgladiator @giggling-sewer-ginger @katdahlali @sonyume @djarindroid @reading-blogs @thezimi @benedictscanvasmain @wibblywobblyvampywolfystuff @puckyou-forpuckssake @old-enough-to-know-better73 @ladygrey03 @soundofboots @justsomefunshit @geekgirl1996 @tedssweaters @queen-of-dumbasses @miaalltheway @di-essere-amato @shakespeareanwannabe @hotdoglamp @mal-adaptive-dreams @allthetroubleiveseen @netflix-addict @callmecasey81 @forgetmeaway @royalestrellas @kingleahhh @lemoonandlestars @ghxxxf @jill2629-blog @sunderland-6

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

OPE those guns o.o

Yeah that does not look good xd

Hmm who are we telling that we're referring to them as Captain Nash and his wife?

Oh gosh them all 😭😭 they all look so worried :(( 🥺💔❤️

Understandable xD

Uhh is that a bomb o.o

Yeah that's very Bobby

Uhh ohh y'all 😬😬

🥺🥺 BOBBYY

Yeah of course he is xD an icon lol <3

UHH OHHH 😭😭😬

Y'all when I tell you I am NERVOUS

STRESSED AND STRESSIN xDD

This better all end up okay lol

Including their relationship because that's one I'm most scared for xD

Okay, that's the last of my last thoughts, so now it's time for the. . .

REVIEW

AAAHHHHHHH I'm so glad to have my babeys back :D.

Now, given that I'm writing this part on the day of episode 3 and I haven't watched episode 2 yet lol, this will be very short. I might come back and edit later xD.

BUDDIEEEE!!! I'm telling you they're a family. Why are they such a family? I don't know. Anyway poor Chris 😭😭💔❤️. That scene at the end, with the letter, was so good <33. And oh my gosh don't even TALK to me about Buck talking to Christopher and then it planning to Eddie in the hall 😭😭. I was not okay over that and I'm still not <3. Also, a callback to Eddie's panic attacks by having him use a strategy to help that woman was so cool :'DD. He slayed <33. Also the joke after?? They're so in love, your honor <33.

Hen! Don't remember much of what she was up to but she slayed :)). And she's doing great as Captain 🥰🥰! Also her not feeding into Athena's delusions xD (although we of course find out that they aren't but yk it's just a funny moment lol).

Chimney and Maddie! Chim stressing was a mood lol xd. And honestly, making sure you make time for yourselves amongst your jobs, child, and wedding planning is a good idea! But don't try that hard lol. Like y'all figured out, you don't need to :). But yeah, I'm glad they just decided to relax <3. Love them 🥰🥰.

Bobby and Athena! I be slightly concerned for them o.o. I'm sure everything'll be fine in the end relationship wise, but it's stressful xd. And poor Bobby 😭. I promise it's not something you've done Bobby xd. Anyway, SLAY on the investigating though lol :D. And even though I feel for him I'm glad Bobby set aside their issues and had his priorities straight lol xD. Anyway, hopefully all goes well with those pirates 😬.

Overall, I really enjoyed this episode! It's so good to be back :D. I think the cruise ship is a really unique disaster - as are the issues with Bobby and Athena's relationship lol. By that I just mean, it's interesting/nice (even though it hurts) to see some struggles for them (that aren't external) :). There were also really great moments with everybody else, and I'm glad we got to see home ans the ship! Plus, there was a good spread of focus today :). Anyway, I'm a little nervous about the next episode, but I'm sure everything will be alright. It better be lol. Also, the calls were really cool today :O.

So, yeah! I loved this episode, I thought it was great :D. It was lovely seeing my babeys again :). I'm so excited for the next episode! This has been my review of. . .

9-1-1, Season 7, Episode 1: Abandon Ships

It was amazing! I'm interested to see how everything's gonna go down on the boat, and people's reactions. I'll be back here next time with my review of. . .

9-1-1, Season 7, Episode 2: Rock the Boat

See you then!

[princessaurorasdiary]

Diary 2/26: life update cause it's been 6 months at least

Hi 👋🏼, It's been a long time, about 6 months about. I'm 23 now

I have a lot of up and downs and haven't felt like writing, and my main creative outlet has been TikTok because to be honest, I feel less alone when I can see that people saw my video, and maybe ever gave it a like or comment

I guess I'll talk a bit about the last 6 months, I work at a craft store now, quit my old horrible job that mistreated me constantly, got COVID soon after quitting the old job, went and saw a medium sized artist I like in concert, second ever concert, her name is Tessa Violet, dragged my bff with me cause we planned it for her to come down and visit me during Spring Break.

I also confessed to my crush, they said they like me too and have just as long as I have but she thought me flirting was pitty compliments cause ADHD runs through both of us lol, it's been moving really slowly cause things keep happening to her, the universe is just slapping her weekly bro.

I don't hate my job at the craft store, but I miss doing a version of my chosen career as a baker/cake decorator, really wish that place wasn't so toxic and that I had a car already.

I'm still trying to get a car, it took me 3 months to get a new job after quitting my old one, the COVID thing was a month of that but also just this job market sucks, origami current job was seasonal, but I have really good numbers on the register and I'm good at the other parts like stalking and sorting and fixing things on the shelfs so I got kept on. I make sure not to give a ADHD 100% anymore, it killed me at my old job and whenever I only had a normal person's 100% they acted like I was failing when I was just doing a normal amount instead of a crazy amount, so I learned not to grind myself to the bone.

I can't remember if I've mentioned this, probably not tho, I go to a weekly crochet club for months now, it's all older ladies and me but it's better than nothing with how I don't really have friends other than my best friend. They care about me and I care about them and it's nice to talk to others once a week.

I kinda ran outta steam for finding friends the last 2 months, I was trying and trying and I'm just tired after months and months or trying 🤷

I think about making a post all the time, but also feel like I'm writing into the void, which has been terrifying me lately, the void that is, long story short, I was stressed AF and couldn't sleep for days the day before Halloween and tried to smoke to fall asleep, but before I'd just taken a hit or two of my brothers sleep type vape, but actually smoked it that night for the first time and instead tripped horribly and it's still affecting me mentally, the memory of the horror that was that night.

Editing a note: I was basically trying to test for a bit if a sleep strain of weed would help with my at the time rampid insomnia since sleep meds either don't work on me or give me bad side effects, but after that night I'm probably never touching it again so ✌🏼

I also am just not feeling great medically, I just got my broken tooth pulled through and did my wisdoms at the same time and already feel better even with the jaw pain, so hopefully some of the not feeling well was because of my teeth, I've been working on trying to finally fix my teeth as well and I think it might actually happen now

Anyways, it's after 3:20am so I'm gonna go lay down even if I don't sleep till 4 cause laying down is better than nothing

[smaller-brandon]

Brandons quest for humanity: December Edition

(Hopefully lets see when this comes out)

First off: I live, lads! And honestly life is pretty boring and stressful at the same time. But hey the best part about existential dread and stuff is that you can always make jokes! But I bet the 3 people that are seeinbg this are frothing at the mouth right now, wanting to get to the meat of whatever this is. But first go get treated as you do have rabies! I'll wait....... You're back? Ok cool lets rock.

So lets start from where we left off: The day I posted the first edition and vowed to try and make this a monthly thing. I believe thanksgiving happened the day after, meaning no work unless something happened. I work a job for Panera Bread where I clock out after finishing a set of tasks. Same shit different day kinda deal, once you’ve been there a while, and I had been a baker for one year plus one month, since october of 23.

So I have my dad drive me to where I need to be, walk in, only to see someone else is doing the job I thought I was doing that day. I was off that day, unbeknownst to me till that moment. Now a sane person would probably call and say “hey so turns out I don’t have a shift, could you come pick me up?” or just call an Uber. You know, like a person. What I did for the next six hours however consisted of…

Ordering a vanilla latte and watching youtube

listening to part of an episode of distractible

watching season 2 episode 11 of helluva boss (btw holy shit)

Walking to the nearby Chipotle and having lunch there

Walking BACK to Panera

Ordering an almond pastry (it was decent)

Talking with some of the staff (they know me)

Listening through part of a Jim Gaffigan special

Listening through an entire mike Birbiglia special

calling my dad halfway through

telling him it was just a short shift, with him buying it

Don’t be me kids. Stay monetized out there or whatever.

Apart from work and managing a very quiet queer Minecraft bedrock sfw 18+ discord server (wink wink nudge nudge) I rediscovered a word: Tilted. Now to explain the situation, I have to explain a bit more about my job. So I have to work a different Panera “cafes”, because everyone has different days off, meaning if Joey 1 bakes at location A five days a week, that leaves two days where they still need a baker, so bring in Joey 2. And that system is how you’ll have 2 days at one place, 2 days at another, 3 days at either if you’re lucky. So that first location I talked about earlier, well call it “Circle”, and the other location I work at, “Square”.

Now at Circle, the baker area is pretty concealed, so people cant see what going on back there and try to steal recipes or whatever. ON THE OTHER HAND, HOWEVER, Square lets you see the bakers station, as its right behind the register area (known as bakery), so people can see whoever is baking and be like “oh so that’s how they make the thing I like. Fascinating!” But it kinda backfires because most people that come in go right past the little screens you can order stuff on and pay for it there, and come right up to the register, and with square being understaffed, and whenever someone is on bakery, but just isn’t fucking there even though that’s their job, that they get PAID TO DO, guess who gets yelled at while trying to do his job… If you guessed me, the guy with headphones on, looking in a completely different direction, you’d be correct! If you guessed someone else, you’re either skimming or just haven’t been paying attention, in which case I’m worried . And recently I had that happen FIVE TIMES IN ONE DAY. May not seem like a lot, but it wasn’t even rush hour, and there was someone on bakery that day who kept disappearing thirty-ish seconds before someone came up, meaning I would have to stop what I was doing and walk around trying to find her to tell her she has a customer. And that made me quite mad, or in this case, tilted.

And now for the part where I talk about christmas shopping because its december damnit

So I recently went christmas shopping, for my two younger siblings, (who will not be named so fuck off) and realized that its kinda hard christmas shopping. Because you have to know a person really fuckin well to feel confident in your gift, and then spend money on it. And the plan was: Buy games, piss out. Didn’t even need the colon but you get the point; this was gonna be easy as fuck. (Fun fact: It was both easy and stressful somehow!) From here my siblings will be referred to as Nail and Switch My thought process was “Ok they don’t have a voucher for the game I know Switch wanted, so I gotta think of something, uhhh, no not pokemon that game is broken, uhh, Breath of the wild, he likes those games, otherwise why would he steal my copies? Ok, Nail… fuck, uhhh, she likes weird but cute stuff, right? Pikmin 4! I win! HAHAHAHA! Oh man my brain.” ...I then had to ask a guy to get the games for me, and that just kinda hurt to be honest. Like he probably has war flashbacks to certain karens, or the stanley cups, or a third thing.

Anyway I pay for the games, snag some variations of chocolate candy, and ride home with my mom, where she told me about party city shutting down. That was the day I remembered party city was a thing.

So apart from reaching 91 games that I’ve bought with money (on playstation), and becoming more active on bluesky (wink wink nudge nudge 2) that’s really it. Thank you for reading and ill probably see you next year. Until then, take it easy.

-Brandon

P.S If it seems I wrote this in one go, thats cuz I did

[chickenshitcowboy]

ive been really struggling lately

venting post under the cut, tldr; im stressed n depress

after getting laid of early this season with next to zero prospects at getting another job next season, and feeling extra hopeless after the election because that means even more budget cuts to federal agencies and therefore less likelihood that i'll get a job nearby. I dont want to travel as much as private companies expect.. plus theyd only hire me on call and that has no stability and i hate that. plus i dont trust them since the last one i worked for let me get shot at and just offered the phone number to company counselling.

school has been stressful now that ive been laid off and dont have regular access to the resources that my work provided that took some of the stress off of forming my thesis.

we moved to a new rental property a week and a half ago and before then i was in such a limbo.. i still am. packing seemed stressful but i kind of got it done between freaking out about school and being sad that i dont have structure anymore from my job and also taking a week break to go to LA to meet my family for Disneyland

now that we've fully moved and things are finishing coming together im mad that i havent emerged from the limbo that i think i realize now was my depression coming back.. unless i have a super structured routine and frequent social interaction i just fall apart.. i promised myself this summer that i wouldnt let this happen but i made excuses for putting of forming a routine for myself for the offseason because of the move and the trip and now keep putting it off because im so behind on schoolwork because i dont have that routine and i dont have the motivation to just get it done most days.. im so behind im afraid to take time to try and get on a routine of going out and going to the gym etc because then ill be even more behind. and im scared that im going to fail this semester and lose even more money

also i just got a letter that my health insurance is going to be suspended and theyre puttingme on MediCal since apparently if my income is zero I dont qualify for my current plan...? and i have no idea how thats going to affect by medication

not to sound like every other troubled tumblr user but goddamn i just need to get it out somewhere rn.

i contacted my school's counseling center, so hopefully they get back to me soon. i've had really back luck with finding good mental health care so im nervous but at the very least having someone to vent to may be good. and help me be less lonely. I loved my job and i love being with my gf but im so far away from my family and my friends are doing their own things too and i still havent made friends here outside of work (mostly because i hardly go outside because im either busy or making lowkey agoraphopic excuses).

im also debating on reapplying for unemployment? idk. maybe i shoudl just apply to do retail in town part time so i dont kms and have coworkers to talk to...?

i just want someone to tell me what to do lowkey so i can just do it and feel normal again

[itsalwaysjune]

15.05.24

Yesterday was less than the best day of my life. I'm struggling with imposter syndrome- the truth is that I have and am doing my best, I am studying all day everyday and it just doesn't seem to be enough. I just can't get the content.

I have my last seminar of first year today, and a networking event for students planning to study abroad (like me). So far I've met two others (both psychology students) they are bith nice, one is making more of an effort to connect than the other. I plan on going on a night out with her after exams- something to look forward to. I always struggle with exam season, but I also always get the gardes I need. I need to trust that what I've done and what I'm doing will be enough. That's easier said than done.

I've been neglecting other responsibilites, so I'm going to make a mission to do one non-academic thing everyday (other than on the days I have actual exams). Today I did my laundry. It doesn't sound like alot but letting these things build up definitely contibutes to my stress levels- coming back to a well-kept dorm should help.

I was the only one to show up to my seminar- me and the semiar leas just had a chat about life and university. We talked about the evils of TikTok and ghosting people- we talked about what we wanted out of life. It was strange to connect with someone who was doing much better than me academically (phd student) but had all the same issues and fears; he got stressed, he procrastinates, he had imposter syndrome, but he did it. Maybe I can too. It was the best seminar I've been to and we didn't even go over the content.

When I left it was raining

The meeting for study abroad students was fun, we went over some of the cultural differences. I found out that the Malaysian legal drinking age is 21, meaning I'll have to stay sober- that's less than ideal. I made a groupchat with alot of them and we stood outside the room afterwards talking, that has to be a good sign. Hopefully they like me because I'm going abroad with them so if they don't it'll be a lonely year. I'm conforted by my general lack of friends now in that reguard. If I can be alone and not lonely in England, I can do it in Malaysia.

I called my family and talked to them for awhile- I half miss them and I'm half glad to be away from the chaos. It's difficult, but I plan on seeing them soon :) I ate loaded potato tots with chicken, chesse, gray, and sauce; it's my new obsession!

I spent the rest of the day studying Social Psychology because that's my first exam :)

[ryanmillerprocess]

Visual Presents

October 14. 2023.

Today was spent working on the creative brief and mood board for this new assignment.

October 16. 2023.

Today was spent thinking of how to create an informational package on Rooster Teeth that would align with their ideals and style. A video is really the only thing that makes sense for a video production company.

The plan is to create a video filled with references to the company while providing information on the company.

October 18. 2023.

I am struggling with coming up with a way to make this work that I'll be happy with. I don't know how to work the videos into the narrative I'm trying to write.

I've been looking through old videos to help remind me of the older videos I used to watch, and that is helping, but I still don't know how to make it work. Just have to keep at it I guess.

October 23. 2023.

After thinking it over all weekend and scrolling through 13 years of YouTube content, I am finally starting to see a clearer picture of what I could do to produce something I can be happy with.

I picked out a few videos that I can replicate that were moments from the history of the company that stood out in my mind. I've been trying to write a script to help layout how I'm going to use these videos, but 3 rough drafts later and it's starting to get frustrating. This writing stuff is hard. I'll keep with it, but I'm running out of time and I need to start shooting so I'll have something to work with.

October 25. 2023.

Finally started shooting for this project. I spent a couple hours setting up and shooting short videos for the compilation I'm making. I always forget how fun it is to just experiment with setups and throwing something together to make it work. I feel much better about the project, and I'm looking forward to doing the rest of it.

I have a rough schedule for the rest of my shots, and locations to take them in. I still have a lot to do, but it's getting closer to something I can be happy with.

October 30. 2023.

Spent the weekend shooting for the project. Got shot by some paintballs, got some regular balls thrown at me. productive weekend.

Today we played Jeopardy instead of having a quiz, so that was fun. Our team won and earned a 48 hour extension on a project of our choice. Hopefully won't be needing that.

November 1. 2023.

Last night I tried rewriting the script and couldn't do it, so I went back to watching videos for inspiration. I think I have a way better idea, which unfortunately means I am going to have to re shoot a few things and completely start over on the video editing. I'm glad I like doing this stuff otherwise I'd be panicking right now. Probably going to need that extension though.

The idea is to recreate the intro of the first episode of immersion and then go straight into the videos I've shot. I recorded the originals without considering the audio because I was going to voice over them while talking about the history of the company and my introduction to them. Now that I've scrapped that idea, I have videos that might not work with the new idea. I'll see if I can make it, but hopes are low, maybe that'll let me surprise myself.

November 3. 2023.

The project is due today. I have made a lot of progress and I'm feeling very good about this project. It's still not what I want, but it's better than before. I also thought of remaking the original case of the season 1 DVD for RVB. Just more work for myself, but it's more authentic and fun. Feeling grateful for that extension right now.

November 4. 2023.

The last stretch of the project is always the most stressful. I need to get better at gathering all my pictures and information in the same place throughout the whole process of the project.

Progress Pictures

[hoshi-y]

(Alright hopefully this makes sense so bear with me😭)

Can I request where Akane(male), Mitsuba, Kou, and Hanako got badly hurt from a supernatural (or something) so their S/O who is like Nezuko and lost control of theirselves fighting the supernatural that hurt them (basically from season two if you know I’m saying 👀 poor Daki got folded😭) so they tried there best to calm them down?

An S/O that is like Nezuko from Demon slayer

Genre : Fluff

Characters : Akane Aoi, Kou Minamoto, Hanako

TW : Slight manga spoiler

A/N : I like thisidea but the problem is I haven't watched the Season 2 HAHAHA I am that lazy, But I'll rely on my memory and those spoilers from tiktok

I do hope it comes out just the way you like it! I hope you enjoy ❤️

It ws hard for him to believe that someone as cute and soft as you could ever hurt a fly

And he shall be the one who will beat them with a bat if they laid a finger on your perfect skin.

It was a perfectly normal day

You and Akane were just walking in the corridor talking about things

when a very out of control supernatural came and had a very clear intention of hurting both of you

You were about to get hit but he pushed you away and got launched backwards

Hitting his back on the wall

Seeing the scene unfold, something snapped within you

absolutely went BERSERK and started beating it up

You went from a cute little mouse into a beast

And that surprised him

"Love, Love hey calm down.." He said holding you back as you struggled

"[F/N] please calm down" Hugging you, hoping it will calm you down, Which it did

He felt you slowly hugging him back and he looked down at you "Are you okay Akane?.. I'm sorry about that.." You said as you teared up, Scared that if you hadn't done anything he would've been gone

"I'm alright you see? Don't worry.."

After that, He saw how capable you are on defending yourself and how strong you were

He needed to up his game then, he can't always rely on you to save him

Then again, He would want to ask you for tips

Kou already knew how insanely strong you were

To him you were so cool

Not only that you were so good with treating people who have injuries!

Once he sprained his ankle and you knew exactly what to do <3

But when it comes to fighting

Ehhh,,, He mostly prefers that he saves you and not you save him

But then again you do end up saving his butt over and over again

But this you weren't there to come help him

He was brutally beaten up by No. 6 (Teru slayed, Literally)

When you got there, He was bruised up, and was passed out on the ground.

You couldn't contain your anger and went ballistic

Not even the great exorcist Teru could defeat him, But you however

Managed to beat him, And has been weakened

You were ready to do some more but a hand grabbed you

"[F/N].." It was Kou, Using up whats left of his energy to stop you

"Kou..!" You immediately calmed down and hugged him "You're hurt! Sit down..."

After you patched him up, Crying, You we're scared on what would've happened if you didn't come here on time, Would he be dead?

Your thoughts have been interrupted by him holding your face tenderly with his hands

"Thank you.. For Saving me.." You were still angry, wanting to do more, But Kou is trying to calm you down

Maybe you'll beat his ass another time

He said he was going on a meeting

and that was 4 hours ago...

usually, Before your classes ended he would be on the windowsill playing with the mokkes

But this day he wasn't there

You went on a search for him

Looked in the garden, the faculty thinking he might be messing with tsucigomori sensei

Or just in the corridors

Funny how you see him everywhere, But now you couldn't find him anywhere

The last place you hadn't checked is the rooftop

When he's stressed or upset about something, he goes to the rooftop to idle around

You went up there to settle your theory

But instead of a peaceful Hanako standing on the rooftop became a fight with him and a very out of control supernatural

"[F/N]! Get out of here your—" Before he could even finish his sentence it went and pushed him so hard to the wall, He could barely keep up with this thing

You also went and attacked that thing

no creature is gonna come and hurt your S/O oh nono you must be mistaken

it tried to escape from your wrath but you ended up finishing it off

you were fuming with anger, you couldn't think straight either, the only thing on your mind is—

"[F/N] Calm down.. I'm okay.."

Hanako.

"Are you okay hanako? Where does it hurt?" You started looking at him, His face was alp scratched.

"Darling i cant get hurt, I'm a ghost remember?~"

"Even so.. I'm worried.. What if you lost to that thing and I lost you?" Taken aback, You really liked him huh?

"Hey.. Don't say that, I'll always be here, hm? Let's go do something that will calm you down.."

"Can we go to the infirmary?"

Hanako slightly panicked thinking you ACTUALLY got hurt, He would actually take matters into his own hands

"Are you hurt?" Panicking he also started checking "No.. I just want to patch you up.."

Sighing softly, He gives in, Atleast that's one thing that can help you ease your mind a bit. Knowing that He is okay

I'm sorry it took awhile to do your request, Hehe, And I'm also hoping that I met what you we're wanting in the request HAHAHA I had to jump an episode to see how mad Nezuko was with Daki I think was her name

[ghostspideys-moved]

de-stress

a/n: god I haven't used this blog in a hot sec, sorry guys. I know I haven't been very active in the stranger things fandom, but hopefully when the new season comes out eventually, that'll change more. if you've seen my main blog it's 90% comics rn so maybe I'll eventually get around to writing some fics for more comic characters too. anyways, in the meantime here's something I tossed together a bit ago. with school going, idk how often I'll post, but hopefully now and then I can get my writing motivation back.

word count: 567

pairing: steve harrington x reader

summary: When Steve's having a bad day, you try to cheer him up.

Steve isn't having the greatest day.

Normally, on days like this where he lets everything fester inside, he likes to be alone. At least, that's what he often tells you.

You know better.

If it hadn't been for terse answers over the phone, you might not have noticed something is wrong. Steve loves to talk to you for hours if possible, but today he's quiet.

Of course, the moment he'd hung up, you knew you had to do something.

Before you know it, you're at Steve's door, ringing the doorbell. There's a few moments of silence where you think maybe he'll just ignore you, but he thankfully opens up.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Steve steps aside to let you in, but the curious look on his face never leaves.

"Is it wrong for me to want to hang out with you?" He didn't buy it. You sigh, holding up the bag of snacks you'd brought along. "Okay, I noticed you seemed...off? And I thought I could come comfort you."

Steve's eyes widen, but he quickly tries to hide his surprise. You know he's still not used to people putting him first, but you've been trying your best to show him that you genuinely care for his well-being.

"Oh." He sighs and shrugs, leading you up to his room. "Well, I guess you're already here."

In his room, you both sit on his bed as you pull out some of the snacks you brought, letting him take whatever he wants. "So, do you wanna talk about what's bothering you?" you ask, glancing at the frown set on his face.

"Not really."

"That's fine." You shrug, snagging a bag of chips for yourself. "We can just hang out if you want."

There's an awkward silence that lasts probably not as long as it felt like, but you worry he's not going to let you help.

After another moment of silence, Steve sighs. "Can we just...can we cuddle for a while?"

The hesitation in his voice doesn't go unnoticed by you. He's always been hesitant with this kind of thing, thought not for lack of wanting you close. He just never knows how to ask without feeling like he's being clingy. You never mind, of course. You'd do anything to help him.

"Of course."

Setting aside everything you'd brought over, you let Steve get comfortable as he lays back, and you wrap your arms around him. He pulls you close, burying his nose in your hair as he visibly relaxes already.

"Better?"

"A little."

You know Steve is always going through so much, and maybe he doesn't want to talk about it now, but you get it. If this helps, you're more than happy to let him take some small steps. If this helps, then so be it.

"Good. I'm always here for you, Steve."

Steve nods as you run your fingers through his hair. If you were anyone else, he'd never let this happen. When you do it, though, he melts.

Laughing to yourself, you kiss his forehead. It isn't long before you notice he's already falling asleep in your arms. "Get some sleep, Stevie."

Steve mumbles something inaudible before you notice his breathing evens out. You take a moment to admire the peaceful look on his face before brushing a strand of hair from his face and letting him sleep for as long as he needs.

//

taglist: @bethhxrmon @hawkinsforever @koibecomedragons @nelson-and-murdock

[managedmischiefs]

north//chapter twenty

genre: fluff, angst

warnings: mentions of canonical violence and deaths, lmk if I missed anything

word count: 4k

summary: Spencer is getting reacquainted with life outside of prison, and he gets a not-so-great phone call.

pairing: season twelve spencer reid x oc

please remember to comment, like, and reblog!!

AMELIA

Spencer and I managed to sleep through the entire day and the majority of the night. After all, the previous day was probably one of the most eventful of my entire life and it left me absolutely exhausted. I can't quite speak for Spencer because I'm sure he's had much longer days than yesterday, especially when he has been away for cases, but it was still stressful and way too long for both of us.

I wake up before Spencer as the sun starts to rise the next day, the sunlight pouring in through the opened window on the other side of the room. Before I even consider getting out of bed or looking at my phone, I look to my side to check on Spencer. He's sleeping soundly, his cheek pressed against his pillow and his hand on my side of the bed, no longer wrapped around mine. He looks absolutely angelic at this moment, his mouth hanging open and his body completely relaxed.

I promised Spencer that I'd be here for him and that I wouldn't leave the bed without him. I've never broken a promise to him before and I don't plan on starting now. So, moving as little as possible so I don't disturb him, I sit up against the headboard, reaching into my bedside table for my journal. I pop open the top and start furiously scribbling down everything I can remember from the last two or so days and how I feel about it, how excited I am to have Spencer home again, and how terrified I am to have Spencer home again.

I barely even notice it when Spencer starts squirming beside me, and my attention is only taken away from my journal when his hand grabs onto my thigh. I smile down at his suddenly tiny figure, finding that he's already looking up at me with a tired gaze.

"Good morning, love," I chirp, tossing my journal onto the floor and sinking back under the duvet in an attempt to absorb some of his radiating body heat. Since he already touched me and he's seemingly feeling okay in the morning sun, I let my hand stray and trail through his flat curls. "Did you sleep well? You didn't wake me up."

Spencer sucks his lips between his teeth, shrugging softly. "I woke up a few times. I just--" he wiggles his hips as he tries to come up with an excuse, "I didn't need to wake you up. I didn't need to bother you. Having you here was enough."

I bring my hand to the back of Spencer's neck, huffing with some slight annoyance, "You're not a bother. You never have and you never will be," Spencer just shrugs dismissively in response, and reaches his hands up to rub his eyes. Spencer has never been good at these kinds of conversations and I imagine he's far too tired to entertain a lecture about how important he is. So I make a mental note to bring this topic back up as I sit up and stretch. "Alright, well, do you want some breakfast? I can make us something to eat."

"Yeah, sure," he nods, ducking away from my grasp and quickly sliding out of bed, putting on a pair of shoes I hadn't realized he set up on his side of the bed.

I reach for a pair of sweatpants but when I look up to find Spencer frozen in his spot, staring at the bed, I drop the pants and sit up on my knees. The sheets are rustled and the duvet is in a heap under me, and he's very fixated on this. His arms are glued to his side but his fingers are twitching like he's dying to use them.

"Spence? Everything okay?" I ask gently, and like the other instances where he gets lost in a daydream, he doesn't react to me. "Spencer?" I call again in hopes of getting some sort of response. But his fingers just twitch and he takes a long, frustrated breath. "Talk to me," I don't know if pressing the issue will help, but if I don't at least try to get him to talk, then I'll never figure out what his issue is. "I just wanna help you, but I can't do that if you don't talk to me."

Spencer quickly covers his face with his hands, his breathing becoming labored and heavy, chest heaving. "The bed. It's the bed. It's-- I need-- it's the bed."

It looks like a bed to me. It's a messy bed, sure, but it's just a bed to me. I pause for a second to try to get my brain to match Spencer's. I try to see what he is seeing, but all I see is a bed that we just used for its intended purpose. It just needs to be made, that's all. I can't see into Spencer's brain so I have to resort to asking. "What about the bed?"

"I--" he drops his hands, balling them up into fists again, "The bed is supposed to be made. I need to make the bed. It needs to be made or else they're gonna come and I'll get in trouble. It-- the-- the bed needs to be made."

Oh, this poor baby. My heart aches for him. Not all of him made it out of that prison cell. Part of him is still there. He's not here with me. He didn't really come home.

"Spencer, you're not gonna get in trouble here. It's just me. It's just Lia," My voice shakes as I try to speak, my hands pressed to my cheeks to continuously wipe the tears that start to fall. "I'm never gonna yell at you or hurt you or get mad because you didn't make your bed. Dove, you can make the bed if you want to, but you don't have to. It's okay. I'm not gonna be mad. You won't get in trouble. It's just me."

Spencer stares at me, his eyes wide and his lips parted. His hands aren't twitching anymore but they're still reaching towards the bed. He doesn't say anything, he just stares at me in bewilderment.

I compose myself with a deep breath, wiping my cheeks quickly and climbing off the bed. "Dove, make the bed, please. I want you to do anything that makes you feel better. But if you choose not to, I'm not gonna be mad," I step towards Spencer, holding my hands out in front of me and not expecting him to grab them. "I'm gonna go downstairs and I'm gonna start cooking, and you come down when you're ready, okay?"

I give Spencer one more attempt at a convincing smile before turning and going downstairs. My first stop is to the living room, and I pop the record into the player that Spencer had put on yesterday. If it did something to comfort him yesterday, hopefully it will do the same today. I grab both of our phones and start cooking breakfast.

I mix batter for waffles in a bowl as I check my notifications, sifting through a whole load of texts. My groupchat with my friends has a couple hundred texts, starting off with lots of questions and concerns about Spencer from yesterday, asking if he's okay, if he's home, wondering how happy we are. I have other texts from Wendy and Mike, asking the same types of questions that my friends did. I send some quick responses to all of them and let them know that we're home, we slept for a very long time, and that I'll contact them later with more updates.

Spencer's quiet footsteps approach and I turn to face him, breathing a sigh of relief when I find he's not so worked up anymore. "I hope waffles are okay."

Once I've closed the waffle maker and let it start cooking, I glance over my shoulder to ee what Spencer is doing. He's sitting gingerly at the island, placing his elbows on the granite and eyes darting around the room. Honestly, I don't even know why he sat there. He absolutely hated sitting there and eating yesterday, and it made him have some sort of flashback. Maybe it's because he started off the morning with the prison-bed situation, and now the natural order of events in the day is to be transported right to prison-breakfast.

"Hey, bub, you don't have to sit at the table," I say casually, trying not to bring too much attention to it. "You didn't like that yesterday. But you seemed better when we sat on the floor so we can do that again, or we can go on the couch or the balcony." I don't even have time to see his reaction before the waffle maker beeps, and I have to whip around to pull the waffle out.

I can hear Spencer shuffling behind me, and then I feel his shoulder brushing against my leg as he slides down to the floor beside me. I put the waffle onto the plate and hand it down to him, then open the drawer above his head to grab a fork.

"Thank you," Spencer mumbles, catching my free hand in his and pressing his lips to the back of my hand. It's clearly a thank you for more than just handing him a fork, or making him breakfast, or sleeping with him, or showering with him, or anything of that. It's a thank you for being so patient with him, but I couldn't fathom not being there for him in the way he needs. I want to tell him that he doesn't need to thank me, but in his mind, it is something he needs to do, so I decide to let it happen for a while before I start to refuse his thanks.

The next week functions almost identical to this. Spencer is quiet, keeping to himself and eating his meals on the floor and making the bed perfectly in the morning, cleaning the bedroom floor every night, wearing a tee shirt to bed. I get just a few glimpses of the man he was, but not many.

Emily had called later that day to let Spencer know that the entire BAU was placed on a mandatory six week leave, but also that he had to be evaluated for reinstatement. A whole slew of people have to review Spencer's actions, have to interview him, have to test him to see if he's fit to return to work, and he didn't take this news well. He didn't talk to me for a hours and just curled up on the floor of the bedroom, staring out the window with the drawn-back curtains. I tried, for so long, to get him to talk to me, but he didn't budge and he didn't even look at me. So I just grabbed whatever book was inside his go-bag from the last case he went on and sat beside him, reading aloud in an attempt to bring him back down to earth. And when he did, he went off to shower and then straight to bed.

Spencer's work is his life and there's few things he loves more than his work. I know that he would be lost without the BAU and that he would have absolutely no clue what to do with his life if he couldn't keep working there. So hearing that there's a chance that he may not be reinstated to the BAU is absolutely crushing.

On the other end of the spectrum, the prospect of Spencer not being reinstated isn't all bad to me. In his line of work, there are always going to be enemies. There's always going to be another Cat and another Lindsay. He's always going to have guns pointed at him and bombs blowing up beside him and people wanting to kill him. If he's not reinstated, I get to have him home every morning and night and I won't stare at the wall at lunch with Jenna, wondering if Spencer has just been shot or if he has a knife to his neck. I know that he would absolutely hate not being reinstated, but it would save me so much heartache.

That's an incredibly selfish thought, I know. I'm happy and willing to strip Spencer of one of the things that makes him happiest in his life just so I can sleep at night. But all I've wanted from the moment I met him is for him to be safe and to be happy and if he's not chasing serial killers, I know that he will at least be safe. Happy? I can't help but imagine he wouldn't be.

After a tense week at home, I convince Spencer to let me take him back to his apartment. He insists that he doesn't want for stay there and would rather stay with me, even though I said I would stay at his apartment with him, but I'm happy to let him keep with me. I just want him to be happy.

So I drove him over to his apartment, picked up most of his clothes and whatever else he was needing, and he rounds up an entire duffle bag full of books that I'm sure he would read in just one day. But we collect whatever he could possibly need and shove it in my car, then go straight back to my apartment. I'm starting to get a little stir crazy, being trapped in my apartment, but Spencer doesn't want to go out anywhere yet and the last thing on my mind is forcing him into things he's uncomfortable with.

"So what do you wanna do today?" I unzip the bag full of books and start making a few small piles against the wall, glancing over my shoulder at Spencer. He shrugs gently, too distracted with picking a record to properly respond to my question. Sighing, I return my attention to the books.

The record turns on and this time, I recognize it to be a record full of Christmas music. We've been listening to nothing but Taylor Swift, Frank Sinatra, and Christmas music this past week, and while that's my favorite music and I have no problem with it, it's odd. Spencer never really listened to that music, whether we were together or not. He always managed to convince me to put on some cello concerto that wound up being fifteen minutes long. I thought he would rather listen to that and not Christmas music when it's almost the summer, but I haven't questioned this yet.

"Could we," Spencer starts speaking after a moment, tearing my attention from the books, "maybe watch a movie?"

It's the first time he's suggested anything like that. Honestly, it's one of the first times he's suggested that we do anything. He's just been staying quiet and following me around like a puppy dog, watching me attempt to draw in a sketchbook or watching me cook or watching me do the laundry. He's stuck to my side, even if he hasn't been touching me much. So now that he's suggesting that we do something, I'm not about to pass up this development.

"Yeah, of course. You can choose whatever you want. I'll be over there when I'm done," Spencer nods and turns his back to me, and I pick up my pace in emptying the books from the duffle bag. I don't want to lose this momentum of him, maybe, feeling just a little bit better.

Once I've stacked all the books, I fold up the duffle bag nicely and put it in a place where it won't bother Spencer, and then head into the living room. He's sitting on the couch with a DVD case in his lap, and he holds it out to me when I approach. Always a technophobe, he never goes near the DVD player and lets me do it.

"Polar Express?" I raise my eyebrows, but that's as far as my questioning goes. I pop the DVD out of the case and put it into the player, then grab the remote and press play.

I settle onto the couch with my favorite plaid blanket, draping it over my lap. As the movie starts and the title screen shows, I feel cold. I'm completely covered and under my trusty blanket, but I'm cold. Absolutely freezing. I pull the blanket tighter around me and when my temperature doesn't shift, I quickly realize where the cold is coming from.

Spencer and I are a very physical couple. Despite his aversion to touch, he never seemed to have the problem when it came to me. Especially when we watched movies, we were always touching. Legs, hands, shoulders and heads, laps and heads. There was always a connection, but now there's none. I'm left on my own couch cushion, not sharing Spencer's cushion and continuously pushing closer and closer until we're squished together. A shiver runs down my spine.

We watch the movie in silence for a little while, all the way up until the three main characters are singing a song at the back of the train. And while they're singing, I feel Spencer reaching over, grabbing the edge of the blanket, tugging it closer to him. "You can come closer," he tells me, looking up at me through his lashes, fingers grasping the fuzz of the blanket.

Happy to comply with this request, I scoot closer to him until our legs are touching. I think that's enough for now, but then Spencer slings his arm over my legs and tugs me closer until my knees collapse over his legs and I'm laying my head on his chest. It's a position that I'm so familiar with and I've been dying to be in, but he hasn't been up for lately. My body warms up. The shivers stop.

I completely melt into his embrace, pressing my ear against his chest to listen for the steady beat of his heart as I wrap my arm around his stomach. I let my eyelids flutter closed and relax into him. The movie isn't important anymore, at least not to me.

///

SPENCER

///

Today is a good day, one of the first I've actually had since being home since my prison release. I thought that actually leaving Amelia's apartment would make me nervous, but returning home wasn't as horrible as it seemed like it would be. For once, I'm feeling pretty good. I'm even feeling well enough to watch a movie and cuddle with Amelia on the couch, just like we used to do. She still can't creep up behind me or touch me without showing me her hands first and I still can't eat at a table, but it's an improvement. Albeit a tiny one, but it's there nonetheless.

By the time the movie is coming to an end, Amelia has slid down to rest her head on my lap, her curls sprawled out and her hands pulled up to her chin. She looks ridiculously adorable like this, and even though it's a sight that I've seen many times and I've committed to memory, I wish I could sit and stare at her forever.

But that plan is foiled when my phone starts buzzing on the coffee table. My first instinct is to look down to check that Amelia is still sleeping, and all she does is scrunch up her nose a bit before relaxing. Adorable.

I grab a pillow from beside me and slide it under her head when I slip out from under her. Thankfully, she doesn't notice and she doesn't wake up. Pleased with this, I grab my phone and rush onto the balcony. I don't have time to check who it is before I answer. "Reid."

"Hey, Reid," Rossi's voice comes through the phone. "How's it going?"

"It's-" I ponder my answer for a moment, double-checking that the door is closed as I sink into one of Amelia's adirondack chairs, "um, it's a good day today."

"Good, I'm glad. And I'm glad you've got Amelia to look after you. You've got a good one there. She really cares about you," Rossi says, and his words prompt me to turn and peer into the window at her sleeping form, curled up on the couch and holding the blanket to her chest. "Where-- uh-- where is she right now?"

"She's sleeping right now. I'm on the balcony," Honestly, this is already some of the most talking I've done in the last week and I'm exhausted. I'd rather be talking to Amelia, but Rossi called me for a reason, plus I know that Amelia needs to get some sleep. "Did you need something?"

"Yeah. I'm afraid I may need to bring your day down a bit," Rossi sighs, and my heart drops down to my feet. "I feel horrible calling you now, after everything you went through and while the BAU is on leave, but you need to know the situation."

I furrow my eyebrows, balling my free hand into a fist, digging my nails into my palm to give the pain somewhere to go. "What situation?"

"Damian Kelsey's signature popped up on two bodies in LA."

I didn't think that I would have to face a day where Damian Kelsey's signature reappears. I admit that I have stayed late at work many times just to look at Damian's case file and rememorize the details and try to predict what his next murder would have been all while ignoring the chilling family photos that contain my girlfriend as a horribly abused child.

And this is the worst possible time for this to happen. I can barely go a day without flashing back to prison or almost yelling at my amazing and patient girlfriend. How can I possibly tack on dealing with her serial killer father's signature resurfacing, all while trying to keep it a secret from her? It's nearly impossible. I thought that I could just take these stupid six weeks off to spend time with Amelia and try to rest comfortably, but I guess that's not possible.

"I'm heading to LA as we speak. I'm getting on a plane right now. And while we both know what his signature coming up again could mean, the good thing is that these are male victims and they're not surrogates for Amelia. I know that's what you're worried about. The other good thing is that this is across the country and obviously nowhere near Virginia. So--"

"Spencer?" Amelia's sweet voice comes from the balcony doors, the blanket disregarded on the couch and her hair messy on the top of her head.

"Gotta go," I mumble, hanging up my phone and tossing it aside, not even waiting to say goodbye to my coworker.

Amelia steps onto the balcony, her bare feet silent as she approaches me slowly, rubbing her eyes like a small child. "Everything okay?"

I reach my hands out for her and she smiles, placing her hands in mine and slowly sinking onto my lap, resting her head on my chest, similar to the position we had been in before. Amelia runs a hand over my chest and it takes everything in me not to let out a sound akin to a cat purring.

I just hold her tightly in my arms, probably the tightest I have since I saw her for the first time in the parking lot of my correctional facility. Rossi swears that Damian Kelsey won't come after Amelia but I just hold her tighter, as if that will protect her from the horrors of the world. I have a lot of holding to make up for from when I was gone, and I suppose that time starts now.

TAGLIST

@babybloodstonebones @bxnnywriting @blameitonthenight21 @feralreid @anepiphany @reidscardigan @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto @4x24 @whollytaciturn @thegingerfairchild @yasminwashere @shrimpyblog @anamelessfacelessnerd @wonderlandhatter @whxt-to-write @just-call-me-non @imagining-in-the-margins @boldlyvoid @homoose @gubler-me-up @thundergunexpresss @eideticmemory @andiebeaword

[limenysnocket]

I Despise The Way You Make Me Love You

Summary: If you piss off your friends and they don't forgive you, can they really be called your friends? Now, what happens when your closest friend pisses you off and makes you fall deeper in love with him each time he does?

Warnings: Smut, language, lots of sexual innuendos

Word count: 3,483

Request: @honorarytenenbaum

Authors note: You have no idea how excited I am to fufil my first request. If any of y'all have any more, drop it in my asks for anonymity, DM me to give me more details, or whatever the heck. I want your requests. Give them to me.

●■□●■□●■□●■□●■

What's a fantastic morning without the first cup of coffee that you're almost positively sure has been pumped full of laxatives and stress relief pills?

Well, it's not the morning you had planned, and it wasn't the coffee you wanted. You were at work, on your day off. Who dragged you here? Mr. Hollywood hot shot himself, Taika Waititi that absolute jackass. He came to your door at 6 a.m., invited himself inside, crashed into your bedroom, made you and partially helped you get dressed, and threw you into his car, taking you God knows where.

You were on the set of The Mandalorian where they were in the process of filming season two. You had a very cold cup of coffee in your hand and you were about to take a nice sip to hopefully get you sick enough to send you to the hospital for the day, but the cup was snatched away quickly before anything could happen. "I'll drink anything you give me, but I absolutely will not drink that, and I'm putting my ass on the line to make sure you don't drink it either," Taika said, dropping the cup in a nearby trashcan.

"Fuck you, Waititi," you growled, pinching the bridge of your nose. "Love you too, doll," Taika made a kissy face and put his hand on your lower back to guide you deeper into the film set. You swatted his hand away like it was a pesky mosquito.

"Why the hell did you bring me here?" You whisper shouted between your teeth as both of you swerved through staff. "You don't have to work or anything. I just miss you each time you take off on us," Taika pouted. Whatever, missed you my ass. He just wanted you there so you could cover for him every time he took a nap on the job.

"Taika!" You spun towards him, your hands in the air and nails out like an animal, you wanted to maul his God damn, terribly handsome face. "I was going to close my blinds, lock my doors, eat frozen pizzas, binge Superstore and wear sweatpants and a comfortable bra, God damn it! It's my fucking day off, can you take a break for, I don't know, one fucking minute!?" You looked spastic and quite angry. Even a few people stopped and stared for a few seconds. Taika wasn't phased, however. All he gave you was a shrug. "Sounds like a fun afternoon, you should invite me sometime."

Both of you were quiet, and you felt your skin bubbling. You flipped your shit. "I'm going home, alright! I'm calling myself an uber, and you better fucking not call me or come break down my door again, Waititi! I'm not doing this again!" You huffed, twirled around and went straight for the exit. This time, it managed to get the desperate Kiwi's attention.

"(Y/N), now hang on a minute, I can take you out to lunch if you stay!" He called out desperately. "Frozen Italian food sounds so much better, thank you," you snorted and shook your head. You could hear his heavy footsteps behind you, trying to catch up to you.

You couldn't bear to stand another minute with that man, so you pushed out of the small exit, just barely brushing shoulders with David as you went. As the door closed, you heard him say your name and question what you were doing here, but that stopped mid-sentence whenever he probably saw Taika riding your tail.

You yanked your phone from your pocket and started clicking onto the uber app, but your phone was snatched away as you reached the parking lot. "Give me one chance, (Y/N)! I promise to make it worth your while!" He said, trying to talk his offer up for a lunch date. "What is with you and grabbing my things, Waititi?" You growl, snapping your hand out to grab your phone back, only to have it be yanked away again.

"Call me Taika," He said, that dastardly smile still spread across his features. "I'll call you Taika whenever you've earned my actual respect and you can call me (L/N) until then, too!" You grabbed at your phone again. No dice. This was very unfair. He had quiet a few inches on you. "You heffer! Give me that back now!"

"You seem stressed. How long has it been since you've had sex?" Taika struck you with a question that covered your cheeks with a deep blush. "None of your business! Hand it over, Waititi!"

"Taika--," he corrected you without hesitation, "Tell me how long it's been and I'll give you your phone back."

You took a deep breath and folded your arms, you hated to admit such personal things, especially to the likes of him. "Three months," you let out an exasperated sigh. Taika put his hand to his chest in shock. "Really? A classy gal like you, I'd think, would be having sex at least once or twice a week! That's not even the maximum!"

You scoffed, "Stop talking it up, Waititi, it's never gonna work." You grabbed your phone from him and brushed past him, bumping shoulders a bit aggressively. He rolled his eyes and continued to follow you out further into the parking lot, carefully dodging heavy equipment that rolled by. "(Y/N), wait up! C'mon, please?" He frowned and got in front of you again. You were one click away from getting an uber.

Your jaw shifted from side to side in thought. He pissed you off today multiple times already, but you would kill to spend an afternoon alone with him. You knew, whenever he wasn't under the influence of his multiple companions, he was an extremely nice guy. I mean, he was whenever his friends were around sure. Maybe it was just your need for his undivided attention that drove you crazy over him.

You sighed, "Where the hell would you be taking me when all I'm wearing is jeans and a t-shirt? Don't you have this sort of reputation to uphold?" He was shining brightly now, the grin on his face couldn't be any wider. "Oh, darling, I would trash it all to be with you," he purred, "and, how does pizza sound?"

You cocked a brow, lips pinching together and your shoulders rolling. "Fine." He lit up brighter than a Christmas tree. "Amazing! How about we head back inside, we'll finish up this shoot, and after that, we'll see where the streets of LA take us~," he purred with a cocky wink that made you roll your eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, let's just hurry up," you sighed, speeding up your walk walk until you had your hand on the handle and had pulled open the door just by a smidge. To your surprise, the handle was yanked out of your hand as the door slammed shut in front of you. You looked up, a bit ticked off, but your inner self calmed when you saw Taika standing there, directly in front of you, blocking the door completely with his body and his eyes holding a provocative stare within them. "Three months, huh?" His voice was low and deep, just how you imagined it before bed quite a few times. "I can... You know... always take care of that for you~." He leaned down towards you, his face becoming dangerously close to yours.

"T-Taika, this isn't exactly the r-right place for that--," you stuttered then gasped softly as his lips brushed against yours. He was so close, you could smell the intoxicating scent of his cologne mixing with the soft smell of his fabric softener that wafted blissfully from his clothes. You started to lean in too, now, taking a large gulp as you did.

"Waititi, stop doing whatever the hell you're doing out there and move your fat ass away from the door!" You heard the executive producer yell from the other side of the door, before Taika was launched forward by the propelling force of the door behind him. His head jeered off to the side and all that was left in contact between you two was the rough clash of his shoulder hitting yours. He stumbled for a minute while you laughed a little, shaking your head. You slipped in, just before a rack full of heavy equipment got close to the door, and that's where you parted from the kiwi, a massive grin on your face.

●■□●■□●■□●■□●■

Okay, he woke you up and ruined your perfectly planned day, so you were pissed just a little bit. Now, he was keeping you longer than he should have, at work and now you were really pissed. Both of you were the very last ones in the studio and he still hasn't finished up yet. Your stomach growled, your fingers twitched and your anger was bubbling.

You were sitting on one of the sets, a main, small room that split off towards the back. It was dark, greasy, and sewer-like. It had grates everywhere that were decaying with painted on rust and fake laser holes dotted along the fake metal every once in awhile.

You sat on a convenient crate prop that was sturdy enough to withstand three people at the most. You were rubbing your temples, the overwhelming and heady stench of expensive perfume, spray paint and spray tanning solution only fueled your distress. That cocky little bastard! He knew you never wanted to be here in the first place, but here he is, keeping you locked up here by his own hand. You were two moments away from storming out, calling that uber, and forgetting about this whole catastrophe whenever there was the rapping of knuckles against tin. Your head shot up and you glared. It was Taika. You said nothing.

He seemed awkward at first, his head tilting to the side and an apologetic smile on his lips, "Well, on the brighter side, at least we won't have to worry about the lunch rush!" He laughed softly, trying to lighten the mood, but your angry aura seemed to snuff out every attempt like a candle in the wind. "Look, doll, you know I'm sorry about keeping you here! It was never my intention..." He tried to explain, his hand motions really getting to work until they paused all together, right in front of him, palms facing upwards and his fingers lightly curling in, out of stress or carpal tunnel from holding on to a keyboard mouse all day long.

"Then what was your intention, Taika? Huh!?" You shot up from your seat and just stood there, your body nearly shaking with rage. "You wake me up, you drag me out of my house, and you force me to come to work! I thought you were my colleague, not my God damn boss!" You were frustrated. You wanted an answer. His eyebrows were furrowed and he seemed to be focused on a different topic on a new level. For the first time ever, you saw him look at the floor, embarrassed.

"Answer me, Taika!" You shouted, the sound of your voice echoing along the walls. He seemed shaken up whenever he looked up. He was confused, like he hadn't even listened to you the entire time. "What?" He said a little breathily, his eyes desperately searching yours for any tiny morsel that you had the compassion to forgive him.

"What were your intentions with this whole fucking thing?" You repeated through your bared teeth. Things were intense now. Both of you just stared in complete silence while Taika contemplated his, apparently, very complex answer.

"Well?" You flinched your arm muscles up once, in a shrugging motion. His eyes were closed and he took a deep breath. Suddenly, he charged forward at you, in a fast walk, without a word, a serious expression on his face. It made you take a few steps back out of shock, and you were close to pulling out your emergency bottle of pepper spray whenever he grabbed both sides of your face with his rough hands and brought you close to him. "This," he whispered before smashing his lips on yours. Your eyes widened, your hands went to his clothes and started clawing harshly, almost begging for him to stop before you became too attached, but as the kiss went on, it became more passionate and your clawing slowed, your eyes fluttered closed and your hands went up, into his hair. Taika let the pure bliss of your acceptance sink into his memory for a few moments longer before he pulled away, his hands dropping from your head and down to his sides.

He took a few steps back, wiping the drool off of his lips with the sleeve of his shirt. "That," he muttered again, bobbing his head to truly acknowledge what he had done. "My intention was to make that happen."

You were stunned, eyes wide when they flew back open and fluttered wildly. Your hands didn't know what to do with themselves anymore, now that they weren't buried in Taika's soft locks, so they went into yours, gripping on tightly and slightly pulsing the tug. Your lips craved more, your heart thrummed madly in your chest, so hard, you thought that it was beating, like a drum, up against your ribcage.

"Taika," you manage to whisper, catching his attention, you could tell, as he looked up at you again. "Yeah?" He muttered back.

You couldn't take it anymore. Your lips needed to connect with his again, you needed to touch him once more, to feel him in any way. You just knew you wanted him. You wanted him bad. You walked right up to him, curled your fingers back into his hair and brought his lips back down on yours, desperate and needy, unlike the last kiss the two of you shared. He kissed you right back, his hands having enough consciousness to slick right down and grip onto your waist.

It was unexpected, it was needed, your friends bet it was going to happen, it was... it was.... hot.

The kiss went on much longer than the last one, and eventually got more heated as well. His tongue slid across your bottom lip and there was no hesitation to open up for him. It was like opening the pearly gates of heaven, in his eyes. He gave your lip a cheeky little nip with his teeth anyway, making you whine softly, before tangling his tongue up with yours, almost like tying a cherry stem into a knot between the two of you.

He started pushing you back. You stumbled a bit, but you got the hint and started walking backwards. His body eagerly followed yours, not willing to break the kiss unless it was for a brief moment of air. Your back was eventually pushed up against one of the orange tinted walls and that wasn't the only thing being pushed up. Your shirt was carrying a steady pace up your abdomen and getting closer to exposing your chest. You were impatient, so you suddenly broke the kiss, leaving Taika momentarily distraught, and lifted your shirt completely off so you could toss it away like trash. Taika was smirking now and continued to kiss you, this time, more hunger was induced into it.

The next time you two broke contact, it was Taika's doings. You didn't have time to really react before you were no longer facing Taika, but the grated wall, and your breasts were pushed up tightly against it as well. Little words were spoken between you two, and it was easy to tell what position he wanted you in, so you stuck your ass out there a little more. You could practically feel his smirk getting wider. He reached around your waist and found the button to your pants. While one hand focused on getting that down and away, the other worked on getting your bra unclipped. It was easy with his skilled fingers. Once your bra was gone, so we're your pants. They dropped to be around your ankles and you hastily kicked them off, as well with your shoes.

A single one of his digits hooked around the hem of your panties and started bringing them down your thighs. His eyes could practically bore holes into your body with how intensely he stared with the newfound flesh.

Your body tingled with the sound of his belt unbuckling and hitting the floor, even more so when his pants were unzipped and dropped around his ankles, well, after he had rustled his wallet from his back pocket first and picked a condom out of it. You wanted him to completely undress, like you, but you weren't in the mood to complain. If anything, this round was possibly doomed to be a quickie anyway.

His boxers were the last item to hit the floor, then it was all over. His stiff member, once the rubber condom had been swiftly applied, prodded at your soaked walls before making its quick and long past due entrance. It nearly made you scream, but before any of that could happen, Taika had one hand slapped firmly across your mouth and the other one grabbed a fist-full of one's of your boobs.

Here's the thing that Taika had completely forgotten to mention whenever this whole fiasco started. He wasn't completely sure that you both were alone in the studio. With his explanation being whispered hotly into your ear with his sensual kiwi accent, you didn't seem to care. If anything, the higher risk of being caught only made the sexual intensity even more intense. So, you were going to be fucked like that, quietly, dirtily, and somewhat publicly. He had this power of domination over you... and you loved it.

He started thrusting, slow and hard. Each time his hips would connect with your ass, your stomach would lightly slam against the grate in front of you and made it wobble out a sound that could possibly notify anyone around you about where you were. Okay, maybe the two of you were that fed up about being discrete with your actions. You both just knew that you needed this and no one was going to tell you otherwise.

He let out soft grunts and pants of your name, occasionally burying his face into your shoulder whenever he started going faster, so he wouldn't get too loud while he pummeled you mercilessly. You could feel him nipping at your skin, whenever you weren't so focused on the feeling of his stiff cock rubbing along your walls. He bit you, sucked on your neck and shoulders, covering you with his love. Well, his claim of you and your body, at least.

The rocking of his hips started getting more rough, irrational and sporadic. He was close and so were you, but he was determined to hold on until you had released all over him. Your hands held on to the grate for dear life, and it rolled along with your movements, shaking when your body pushed forcefully against it by Taika's will, and it wobbled back whenever you lurched backwards to prepare for the next world rocking thrust. This was so much better than sweatpants and The Office episodes.

It didn't take you long before you jumped over the edge and your vision blurred white. He had done it, he had given you one of the worst/best days of your life and you didn't want it to be over, but everything comes to an end eventually, even Taika himself. His thrusts slowed and he gave three, stout, powerful ruts against your ass before he released and his body pushed against yours. His hand fell from your mouth so he could hear your pants and praises that he had been missing out on the entire time the two of you went at it like mad dogs. He pulled out and almost immediately pulled off the gross condom.

You busied yourself with picking up your clothes and quietly putting them on while Taika disposed of the used rubber and pulled up his pants from around his ankles. Both of your faces were red and the lust still sparkled dimly within his and your eyes.

You both met in the middle of the room, once the two of you were collected and ready to leave like nothing had happened in that room you were standing in.

"So, am I invited to come over and crash your days off any time I like, now?" Taika cocked a brow and broke the comfortable silence with a grin and a chuckle. You laughed with him, leaning up and wrapping your arms around his neck.

"You know what?" You said, tilting your head and having a cheeky smile write itself all over your lips, "I'd love that... same time, tomorrow?"

[artificialqueens]

How Far I'll Go Chapter Six (Ninex) - Mia Ugly, Meggie

A/N: We’re baaaaack! Hi hello how are you? LIFE is crazy. We’re so sorry it took so long to get this chapter to you guys, but honestly, Snatch Game was probably the hardest thing we’ve written. It’s hard to be funny. I’m going to be way nicer to queens who do badly on Snatch Game from here on out because it’s not easy, mama. Anyway. We hope you enjoy this SUPER MEGA SIZED CHAPTER (10.5k!) to make up for the super long hiatus. And hopefully we’ll be back with more very soon. Come visit us on our blogs: @mia-ugly and @artificialmeggie

Previously: The runway was purple, but Blair’s Scarlett O'Hara realness wasn’t enough to save a poor performance and she was sent packing. Brooke and Vanjie are (most definitely) probably still messing around, and Nina and Monet had a moment backstage when Nina narrowly avoided elimination. Or was it a moment? Oh, and Nina’s probably losing his mind.

To come: Katya, Snatch Game, a hotel bar date, and a musical number.

Nina wakes up and is still on Drag Race.

He might be having some kind of a nervous breakdown (and breaking into song periodically) but that’s showbiz, kid.

And now it’s time for the fucking Snatch Game.

Shower, shave, dress.

Prepare for another sloppy Branjie moment in the elevator (and thank God, Nina gets to avoid that for a change). Nina Bo’nina is riding down alone, and the two of them chat distractedly on their way to the conference room.

A few of the mentors are there, but no Monét and no Trixie.

Nina tries not to let that bother him as he nibbles his toast and drinks his coffee. He’s focused this morning, ready for whatever happens next. He’s been thinking about Snatch Game since the moment he got the All Stars call, is determined that this is going to be his challenge (of course, he might have had that thought about the last challenge too… No, nope, move the hell on, girl.)

Nina doesn’t see Brooke until they film the Werk Room entrance. The man looks exhausted. There are circles under his eyes that the makeup guy has done his best to cover, but it’s still obvious Brooke is not at his best. It makes Nina remember that - no matter how stupid the Canadian is being about Vanjie (and no matter what sort of history he has with Nina’s equally stupid heart), Nina still loves him. Will probably always love him in some kind of way.

“No coffee this morning?” he asks quietly as they’re waiting to get mic’d.

“Not enough.” Brooke pulls down his hideous knitted beanie (where the hell does he keep getting those? A P.A. should - frankly - take them away.)

“Have a late night?” Nina doesn’t really want to know, but if Brooke needs to talk about it -

“Oh no. No. Just - thinking.” He rolls his neck. “Like - we know what’s coming up, right? And last season - it wasn’t my best look.”

Nina barks out a an embarrassingly loud laugh. “No kidding.”

“You didn’t have to find it that funny.”

“It’s pretty funny.”

“You’re a dick, you know that? No matter how sweet Monét thinks you are.”

This makes Nina stop laughing. “Sorry - what?”

“He was just going on about you when he was watching Asia film our scene last episode. Like - ‘try this, Nina does this, blah blah.’”

Nina doesn’t know what to think about that. It makes him feel a bit warm and light-headed, but absolutely incapable of responding.

“Clearly you’ve got her fooled. I know what you’re really like.”

“Haha, yeah.” Nina’s voice is weak and he hopes to God Brooke doesn’t immediately clock his blush. Luckily, Vanjie chooses that moment to start flirting with the sound guy, and Brooke’s attention is suddenly elsewhere. Yes, yes, that’s good. Nina will have to keep Vanjie close by at all times, just in case he needs to distract Brooke.

They all romp into the Werk Room together, Shea and Asia working their few seconds in the doorway for all it’s worth (“pose for me, pose for me, POSE”). They talk a bit about Blair going home, but before they can say much about it there’s the sound of a video message, and the television flickers to life.

“Ladies,” Ru’s face comes onto the screen. “I picked you queens for All Stars because you represent the best of the best. But on second thought… I think I’d like to see some other queens in your place. Sorry, not sorry.”

The video ends.

“What the hell does that mean?” Shea asks.

“Nah, nah.” Vanjie is shaking his head in denial. “We don’t need no more hos up in here. We got too many of y’all already.”

“Hello, hello, hello!” The door opens and Ru comes into the Werk Room, followed by the mentors. Nina tries to smile and look as excited to see Ru as he’s always supposed to be, but - he can’t help being worried about whatever the hell twist is coming up. (Monét winks at him as he comes in, so that’s something. Nina will keep that one brief moment like a diamond in his pocket.)

“Ladies, for this week’s maxi challenge, it’s time for another All Star Edition of Snatch Game!”

Most of the queens around Nina are delighted - except Brooke. Nina can see him smiling, but it’s fragile and fake, and his arms are folded very tightly around himself, legs crossed at the thigh even though he’s standing; a clear indication he’s stressing.

“This time, however, to celebrate my recent single ‘Queens Everywhere’— available now on iTunes—we’re going to do things a little bit differently. I know you’re all amazing queens, but for this Snatch Game, I’d like to see if you have any other queens inside you.” Ru raises a suggestive eyebrow. “Not to give Miss Vanjie an unfair advantage.”

Vanjie’s jaw drops even as he laughs, mutters “shade” through his perfect teeth.

“For this Snatch Game, I’m asking you to channel one of your sisters. We’ve had a lot of iconic queens on this series, so you’ll have plenty of personalities to choose from. And luckily you’ve got some experts here for inspiration. Hashtag Snatch Game All Stars. Gentleman, start your engines. And may the best All Star… win!”

“The fuck?” Vanjie whispers to Nina as soon as Ru leaves. “Bitch, I had a damn plan. I brought the little gold trophies and everything. Watched all the fucking movies. Now I got to be one of y’all’s tired asses? That ain’t fair.”

“Trophies, like - you mean Oscars?”

“Sure, whatever.”

Nina has to admit that he’s kinda thrilled about this twist. He’d been telling anyone who will listen who he was going to be for the Snatch Game if he ever got another chance. He’d had a couple back-ups, of course (they’d all been told to bring a former queen, so honestly, they should have seen this coming from a mile away), but this really couldn’t have gone better for him.

He feels bad for some of the other queens though, especially Vanessa (the bitch was prepped to do Meryl Streep - Brooke’s idea, and a fucking hilarious one. He’d kill to see it).

“X-Queens assemble,” Monét calls over at him, and Nina pats Vanjie on the shoulder, goes off to sit with Monét and Asia.

Monét looks good. Real good. He’s in some loud patterned sweatshirt that has tiny slices of pizza all over it, and another pair of thick-rimmed glasses (white, or maybe baby pink?), and he’s smiling at Nina like - no, nope. Move along.

“It’s actually the Avengers that assemble,” Asia tells Monét, who rolls his eyes at her.

“Girl, you can’t be a bigger nerd than me. I won’t accept it.”

“Yeah, ‘cause knowing about the Avengers is real obscure, serious fan-only shit.”

“The shade, Miss Asia! Nina West, are you going to defend your mentor?”

Nina holds his hands up. “You’re the fearless leader, you got this.”

“The pair of you.” Monét shakes his head. “All right, what you got for Snatch Game?”

“I’ma be Brown Cow Stun-ning, yes, honey.” Asia pops her tongue after a pretty admirable impression of Monique Heart.

“And Miss Nina West?” Monét is looking at him with an eyebrow raised. Nina wonders if he’s heard the interviews, if he already knows.

“Miss Vaaaanjie,” Nina says, “Bitch, you know I don’t play games. Don’t play Monopology, Uno, Twistah, Tag, Marbles -”

“Jesus Christ, stop it.” Monét is covering his face with his hands, while Asia is cackling. “Does she know?”

“Not yet.”

“She will live. Okay, okay, I ain’t worried about either of you. Take me straight to the finale, win me that serious mentor coin.”

They run through a couple ideas for jokes, focusing more on Asia (who struggled last time and still has a bit of anxiety flaring behind her contacts). There’s a break for lunch, but it’s weirdly quiet, subdued. Snatch Game is an opportunity to stand out, to prove you deserve to be there. It’s also an opportunity to crash and burn in front of Ru, the judges, and later on - the world. So there’s that.

After lunch everyone starts putting on their paint, fixing their wigs. The cameras zoom in to get some Werk Room chatter about who is playing who, and of course they’re all dying for Vanessa’s reaction (as soon as he sees Nina pull out his pink-petalled Barbie-head dress from its garment bag, the pussycat’s out of the Prada bag).

“Noooo, bitch,” Vanjie shouts across the room, but he’s smiling. “Oh, I’mma have to whup your ass if that’s what I think it is.”

“Deuces!” Nina shouts back at him, throwing up the sign as well, while Brooke covers his face.

“That ain’t right, it ain’t right. Thought we was friends, sis.” Vanjie is laughing about it, though; Nina knows they’re cool.

“Who are you playing, Miss Shea Coulée?” Asia calls over to her sister, who is fussing with a nasty looking green wig.

“Paaaarty…” Shea drags out the word, working that vocal fry for all she’s worth. “I’m going to be Adore Delano, darling.”

Nina Bo’nina Brown thinks this is the funniest thing she’s ever heard, can’t speak for laughing so hard. Shea seems entertained by it at first, but her smile starts to tighten a little after the laughter continues a bit too long.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, nothing. Just - good luck, girl.”

“Who are you doing then?”

“Yeah,” Cracker interjects. “You were Jasmine Masters for your season’s Snatch Game right? The judges loved it.”

“Right. So why mess with perfection? I’m going to do Miss Jasmine Masters.”

A couple of the girls stop what they’re doing when she says this.

“You’re going to play the same queen?” Cracker repeats, a bit shocked.

“Yeah. I was sickening last time, I’ll be sickening this time.”

“Aren’t you worried that they’ll read you for not showing them what else you can do?”

“Nah. They’re gonna be laughing too hard.”

“Mmmm…” Vanjie makes a low, skeptical noise.

“Trust and believe, Vanjie,” Nina B. calls over to her. “Trust and believe.”

The cameras have to reset then to film Ru’s entrance into the Werk Room, and catch all the queens’ “surprised” reactions.

“Hello hello hello, kitty girls!”

Nina beams, claps his hands, that whole production. He’s feeling pretty good though - the energy is real. He’s actually excited for this challenge, ready to show Ru what he can do. (That’s how he felt last year too, then Silky went and yanked the win right out from under him. But no time to dwell on that now.)

“How are my All Stars? I thought I’d take a little look-see at what you were planning for us. And I brought along one of our extra special guest judges to help me out.”

From behind Ru, Katya Zamolodchikova comes in waving and smiling, teeth glowing white against her red lipstick.

“Oh my god! Get your own thing!” Trixie yells from across the room, and Katya does that ridiculous/adorable silent laugh that Nina has seen on “UNHhhh” too many times to count.

“Thanks for coming, Katya!” Ru says cheerfully.

“No problem, Ru. Thanks for unlocking the attic door!”

“Well, it was a special occasion. And I was feeling generous.”

They go from station to station, cameras following them around silently, and Nina fusses a bit with his dress while eavesdropping on their conversations with the other queens. There is a bit of concern for Brooke, who’s playing Detox (no big surprise there). How is Brooke going to make Detox funny seems to be the main issue. Nina has the same question. Brooke seems more confident than last season, though, so Ru and Katya wish him luck.

There’s some controversy over Nina Bo’nina playing Jasmine again, but the girl won’t be convinced to try something else. Nina listens to some of the critiques, ignores some of the others. He’s interested, but he also knows he needs to focus on his own performance, and not get in his head. He’s not as bad as Brooke at over-thinking things, but no one goes into goddamn musical theatre who isn’t at least a little bit destroyed (psychologically speaking. Okay, maybe also a bit romantically. It’s fine).

“Nina West!” Ru says close to Nina’s ear, and he almost jumps a foot in the air. (Girl, Katya is standing four feet away from you, be cool, be cool.)

“Hello, hello, hello Christine,” he says, immediately launching into his Vanjie impression. Both Ru and Katya laugh - and Katya’s smile up close is completely unfair, like a smile cut out of paper, perfect and sharp-edged.

(“I don’t know her!” Vanjie shouts from across the room.)

“So who are you going to be?” Katya asks, completely straight-faced, as soon as she and Ru have stopped laughing.

“I don’t know, still making up my mind,” Nina says, back in his normal voice.

“And the uh -” Ru gestures to the hideous floral Barbie dress, “gown?”

“Do you like it? One of my best gowns. What’s funny?”

Katya is wheeze-laughing. Katya is wheeze-laughing because of something Nina said! He stores that one next to the Monét gem from earlier; hopes to have enough for his own tiara in the unthinkable event that he doesn’t win.

“Now on Season 11’s Snatch Game, you were hilarious, you played -”

“Harvey Fierstein and Jo Anne Worley-”

“Yes! And really, it might have been one of the strongest performances in Snatch Game herstory.”

Nina smiles gratefully (only slightly furious that Ru’s saying this despite the fact that Nina didn’t win. He deserved to win).

“So how can you possibly outdo yourself this time?”

“I’m not trying to outdo myself, I’m trying to do something different. Like Katya, when you played Björk -”

“Yes, yes, back to me,” Katya says, nodding.

“Completely different from Suze Orman, but still so funny. That’s what I’m going to do. Just - mix it up.”

“All right, Nina, good luck. Can’t wait to see it,” Ru says, moving on.

It’s fine. It’ll be fine.

As soon as Ru and Katya leave the Werk Room it’s a mad dash to get dressed and made up and before Nina knows it, before he can light a bunch of candles on an altar and find whatever religion will bring him the most luck, they’re all being rounded up and led into the studio for the Snatch Game.

Okay.

Okay.

Brooke’s Detox look is iconic, the yellow and black striped bandage dress from the Season 5 premiere (probably borrowed from Detox herself) hugs his perfectly padded body, but he’s absolutely trembling as he walks beside Nina. Nina has to squeeze his shoulder, tell him it’ll be fine.

“It’s fun, Brooke. Just have fun with it,” he murmurs as he hits the bright studio lights, has to blink until his vision adjusts (the first thing he sees is Monét and Nina’s blinded by him).

Okay.

The mentors are sitting along the sidelines, ready to watch the show play out. Nina wasn’t expecting that, but it’s - fine. Monét smiles at him, and Nina’s going to use that smile as a good luck charm - a rabbit’s foot, a four leaf clover, whatever. It’s impossible not to feel lucky when someone who looks like Monét goddamn X Change smiles at you like that.

“Welcome to the first All Stars ‘Queens Everywhere’ Snatch Game!” Ru says after they’re all mic’d and seated, upbeat music playing behind him. “Let’s meet our contestants.”

Katya beams from where she’s sitting behind her glittery podium and microphone.

“It’s everyone’s favorite queen that we found digging in the dumpster outside - Katya!”

“And yet I’m still hungry!”

Katya smiles at Ru and then snaps her teeth at the other queens.

“And - just when you thought we’d finally seen the last of her - halleloo! It’s Shangela!”

Shangela raises one hand in the air, nodding seriously. “That’s right, I’m back again, bitches. And I ain’t even in a box this time, baby.”

“Ladies, are you ready to meet the queens?”

“Yaaaaaaaaaas,” they answer in tandem.

They reset so that Ru can film the introductions, and Nina’s heart starts rattling like bones in a bag. He’s buzzing with adrenaline and nerves, but he’s going to channel that into a goddamn win. That’s right, he tells his inner saboteur - you can fuck off. This challenge is mine.

“The heart of Season 10 - Monique Heart is here!” Ru starts with Asia, whose Monique look is extremely correct.

“Hello world! Hello America! Are you brown cow stunning?” She tosses Ru a ridiculous cow-patterned baseball cap. Ru briefly feigns excitement before throwing it over his shoulder in distaste.

“Burn that,” he murmurs to one of the camera crew. “Next up, we have the original party-queen - Adore Delano!”

Shea Coulee stretches her arms in the air before making a peace sign, growling “Party,” in a gravelly voice.

“How are you doing Adore?”

“I mean, I’m good, you know? Like. Excited to be back. Where am I again?”

Nina has to turn his mouth into his shoulder to stifle the laugh that bubbles to his throat immediately. He wasn’t sold on it when they were discussing it in the Werk Room, but Shea is killing it as Adore. Her voice, her delivery is hilarious. The makeup is flawless. Her perpetual open mouth is complete perfection. As always, Shea Coulee is slaying the competition. Nina’s stomach gives a nervous jolt, so he sucks in a deep breath and reminds himself to pay attention.

He realizes he’s missed Ivy’s introduction, but Katya is gagged at the illusion of, well - Her - that Ivy is turning today. A mid-length honey blonde wig barely brushes Ivy’s shoulders and her red bustier is covered in rhinestones (and, of course, the scythe and hammer.) The look is great. The accent, on the other hand… Nina sighs a little, but tries not to get comfortable, regardless of how terrible Ivy’s Russian accent is.

Vanjie is seated at the end of the top row, decked out in red lace, a large pair of dark sunglasses balanced precariously on her nose. There’s no denying the air about her: Miss Vanjie is living Miss Valentina’s French vanilla fantasy, and no one could doubt it.

Ru beams at him. “Valentina! How wonderful to see you again!”

Vanjie draws in a deep breath. “That’s right, Ru, it’s me - Valentina. I’m back, and this time, I just want you to know, I fully learned all the words to ‘Greedy.’”

“Excellent! You want to sing us a verse right now?”

“No,” Vanjie answers, extremely primly, and even in his gravelly voice, the delivery is enough to make Ru laugh.

“Maybe next time.”

“Probably not.”

Then Ru’s looking at Nina and - oh, god, why did he think coming back for All Stars was a good idea again?

“Miss Vaaaaaanjie is here!” Ru trills.

Nina sucks in a deep breath and - “What’s the grease, mama?”

Down the row, Brooke buries his face in his hands, but his shoulders bounce with laughter. Ru is giggling loudly. Even Katya and Shangela are agape at the spot-on impression like it’s the first time he’s done it, the first time they’ve heard it.

He lets himself relax a little.

“Three seasons in a row.” Ru consults his cue cards. “Girl, aren’t you tired of competing yet?”

“Mmhmm.” Nina shakes his head vehemently, the wig he pilfered from Vanjie weeks ago flying around his shoulders. (He really does owe Brooke one for that.) “Nah, girl, you know I’m still trying to get my own show. Like Vanjie of Love or some shit like that. You know, something where these triflin’ hos gotta pay me some damn attention.”

In his periphery, Nina catches Brooke cut his eyes to him. He hopes this is okay. They haven’t really discussed the Branjie territory in regards to his jokes, but he kind of assumed it was fair game. Besides, he isn’t planning on directly hurting anyone’s feelings. He’ll keep it light, keep it fun. Besides, they’re the ones who marketed their portmanteau and gave the profits to charity. It’s practically public domain at this point.

“Next up we’ve got - oh my goodness, it’s Jasmine Masters!”

Nina Bo’nina gives Ru an extremely “over it” look. “Yeah, and I got something to say.”

“Now Jasmine - no tea, no shade, but haven’t you been on Snatch Game before?”

There’s a bit of an awkward pause before Nina Bo’nina waves him away.

“Bitch, I’ve got something more to say.”

Ru chuckles a bit, “I bet you do,” and moves on to Brooke.

“Another former All Star contestant, welcome Detox!”

Brooke looks sullen and concerned. He gives a little nod at Ru and the contestants.

“Detox, what’s the matter? You don’t look happy to be here.”

“Oh, am I not smiling?” Brooke asks through his extremely full, painted-on lips. “I can’t feel anything above my neck.” He shapes his mouth into a grotesque smile using his hands, and Ru almost doubles over. Okay, okay. Nina feels a little less worried about Brooke.

“And last but not least, we have - um, Aquaria! Hey girl!”

“Hi Ru!”

“Aquaria, is that the new way you’re spelling your name?” Cracker has written Acwareea on her name-card. A couple letters are backwards.

“Huh?” Cracker looks down at the name card. “Oh, I can’t spell my name. Actually, I can’t spell anything.”

“Okay then.”

“You know, some girls chose to read books, I chose to turn looks.”

“Yeah, you did! Now let’s get ready to play the Snatch Game!”

They break for a few adjustments on the cameras and microphones, and Nina tries not to hyperventilate, and then fuck - they’re rolling again.

“Here we go. The first question is for Katya. Katya, All Stars Season 1 paved the way, and brought back some of the most celebrated queens of all time to compete. This time, instead of competing in pairs, the queens are competing in BLANK.”

Be funny, be funny, be fucking funny. Nina tries to think like Vanjie and writes down an answer as soon as he’s got one, hoping it will be good enough.

“Okay, pens down. Katya?”

“I said competing in traction.”

“In - traction?”

“Yeah, you know, when all the bones in your body are broken and you’re in the hospital bed with your leg in the air.”

“That would certainly be a different kind of competition.”

“I’d watch it,” Katya says seriously, and Ru laughs.

“Let’s go to the Queens and see if we have any matches. Miss Valentina. What did you write down?”

Vanjie has put a lace mask on over the bottom of her face. She mumbles something indecipherable.

“What was that?” Ru asks. Vanjie mumbles something again.

“Valentina,” Ru says, clearly picking up on the joke. “Take that thing off your face.”

“I’d like to keep it on please.”

Ru shakes his head slowly, and at last Vanjie removes her mask.

“Now, Valentina. What did you write?”

Vanjie flips her card over, and Ru starts to wheeze with laughter. “That’s what I wrote down. I’d like to keep it on please.“

Vanjie’s Valentina voice is slipping, but she’s hella charming anyway, as always.

“I’m sorry, my dear, but that is not a match. Moving on to Aquaria - oh! You’ve got a new outfit.”

Miz Cracker was scrambling to put on a new wig and geometric headpiece made of iPhones while Ru was speaking to the contestants. She looks great, and she’s killing Aquaria’s affected head wobble.

“This season the queens are competing in BLANK.”

Cracker flips her card to reveal Aquaria’s instagram URL. “I wasn’t born when All Stars Season 1 aired, so I just wrote this.”

“Oh, okay - not a match.”

“I’m young,” Cracker insists, and Ru nods, patiently.

“We all were once. What did Miss Vaaaaanjie have to say?”

“I said we’d have to compete in swimsuits,” Nina says, flipping over his card.

“Swimsuits?”

“Yeah. Cause maybe then Michelle won’t read my ass for filth every damn week.”

Ru gapes at him, like he can’t believe he just came for Michelle in Snatch Game.

“Swimsuits be glamor when everybody else is doing them too, bitch!” Nina pops his tongue.

Ru laughs, high and clear, and then turns to the other Nina. “What about you, Jasmine? What do you have to say?”

Nina Bo’nina slaps her hands on the table and purses her lips. “We gonna be competing in making viral videos to get Justin Bieber’s attention, Ru.”

The room — pauses while Ru tries to save face with a polite chuckle. Nina West can practically hear the shade rattle sound effect that will inevitably be edited in at this exact moment.

Jasmine Masters probably wasn’t Nina Bo’nina’s best option (anyone could have told her that and, good god girl, they really tried). It’s not working. Nina doesn’t think any of it’s working.

Ru clears his throat, shakes his head. “I’m certain you could teach them a thing or two about that, but unfortunately, it’s not a match.”

Nina Bo’nina shrugs.

Ru shuffles his cue cards and moves on. “This next question is for Shangela. In All Stars Season 2, we changed things up by letting the queens choose who would be eliminated. This season, as well as eliminating each other, the queens will have to BLANK each other.”

There’s the scribbling of markers from the queens around Nina (who like to think he’s got this answer down blind.)

“Okay, pens down. Shangela? This season, the queens will also have to…”

“I knew what y’all were looking for, because y’all are nasty…” Shangela turns her card around. “But I’m a lady, so I said they’d have to ‘tuck’ each other.”

“Tuck each other!”

“Sometimes a girl needs a helping hand, mama.”

“Ain’t that the truth. Let’s see if we have any matches! Katya, what did you say?”

Ivy looks a bit startled to be called on first, but she beams with her red lips, flips her card over. “I said eat each other. To consume each other’s power and fill the gaping void that lives -” She pats her chest. “Right here.”

Katya (the real Katya) shrieks, but Ru shakes his head.

“I’m sorry, that’s not a match.”

“Da,” Ivy says solemnly, in her terrible Russian accent. “Da. It never is match. Like me and Trixie. Match but… No match.”

And, okay, Nina might imagine it, but it seems like the studio goes eerily quiet as everyone waits for Trixie’s reaction. She’s smiling, but it looks forced. Katya clears her throat but laughs, which seems to dispel the weird tension that formed.

Ru, oblivious to the entire thing, moves on. “Miss Vaaaanjie, what did you say?”

Nina sighs and flips his card, feeling pretty pleased with himself. “I said date each other. You know, I still be lookin’ for that Notebook shit.”

“Oh yeah, we know. No more Post-Its, right?”

“No more Post-Its, never again. I ain’t got the time, Mary!” He glances over at Brooke, raises his eyebrows seductively. “Hey, how you doin’?” Behind him, the real Vanjie mumbles something under his breath.

“I’m sorry, my dear, that’s not a match.”

“Bitch, it might be!” Nina says, still looking at Brooke, and Ru bends over laughing, stomping his foot into the ground. It’s adrenaline, it’s power, it’s like Nina knows this challenge is his.

“You ain’t even know!” he continues, channeling angry Vanessa as much as possible. “Just ‘cause one tall blonde bitch did me wrong don’t mean they all will. Shit.” Nina crosses his arms over his chest, leans back in his chair, sees Brooke duck his head and blink rapidly a few times.

That might have been too much. He just got caught in the moment and… Fuck. Dial it back a little, but stay focused.

“Moving on to Aquaria,” Ru says. Aquaria, this season the queens will have to BLANK each other.”

“I said ‘copy each other,” Cracker says tightly, in Aquaria’s low voice. “And it’s too bad Miz Cracker isn’t here. Maybe then she would have won something.”

“Oho!” Ru laughs, a bit scandalized. “Not a match, my dear.”

Cracker shrugs and throws the card over her shoulder. “Someone save that so I can call and ask Cracker if she wants more of my sloppy seconds.”

“Adore Delanoooo!” Ru trills the last syllable as he turns to Shea, who tosses the long green waves over her shoulder.

She flashes Ru one of Adore’s signature winking, mouth-open, tongue-out smiles with a peace sign.

“What did you write down, darling?”

“I said ‘party with each other,’” Shea drawls in Adore’s affected tone, adding more fry than is entirely necessary, but it gets the point across. She’s goofy and perfect.

“Party with each other,” Ru repeats.

“Yeah! I mean, you guys all look super cool. I’d hang out with you, smoke a blunt, eat some pizza. You know, party!”

Ru tsks. “Sounds like a great Tuesday night, but unfortunately not a match.” He turns to face the contestants, where Katya is sitting with her hands folded primly on her stack of cards. “Back to Katya! In All Stars Season 3, BenDeLaCreme shocked the judges by sending herself home. This season, Michelle Visage will shock everyone by BLANKING herself.”

Katya takes a minute to ponder, pressing her index finger to her lips then writes something on her card. Nina and the other queens follow suit, and when their time is up, Katya is smiling ferociously.

“Let’s see what our contestant put down. Katya?” Ru faces her. “Michelle Visage will shock everyone by doing what?”

Katya clears her throat. “I could have gone the obvious route, you know.”

“Obviously,” Ru says.

“Instead, I said, ‘sacrificing herself.’”

“Sacrificing herself?”

“With fire. To the Gods, honey.”

“Okay… Any particular God?”

“…Satan.”

“Of course. Let’s go to our queens. Detox, this season Michelle Visage will shock everyone by…”

Brooke flips his card over. “I said motorboating herself. I mean, if anyone could do it -”

“I don’t know how shocking that would be… but either way, I’m sorry, not a match. Vanessa Vanjie Mateo! What did you say, my dear?”

Nina flips over his card. “I said cloning herself.”

“Cloning herself?”

“Mmm-hmm. Need two of her to manage your ass.”

Ru laughs, and Nina thanks every God he knows the name of. The burn landed!

“And now she got that done, she’s gonna clone me some Canadian bacon.”

“Is that right?”

“Hell yeah it is.” Nina does not look at Brooke or Vanjie. “But only the good parts, baby. Trim all the fat; I’m a growing girl, need more protein in my diet.”

“Bitch, you couldn’t handle that much protein,” Vanjie-as-Valentina cuts in, and Ru fans himself.

“A controversial question! Let’s go to Monique Heart, see what she said. Michelle Visage will shock everyone by…”

“I said believing in herself.” Asia-as-Monique-turns her face to the camera. “Like I believe in myself, America. And that’s why I’d like to take this moment to announce my run for office.”

“Which office is that?”

“Whichever.” Asia’s got Monique’s flighty passion down perfectly. “One of the big ones, you know. And thank you, America, for your trust. I won’t let you down.”

Ru reads the last question of the night. “In All Stars Season 4, history was made when we celebrated the first Drag Race double crowning. This season, we’ll be making history with a double BLANK.”

Shangela is already shaking her head knowingly. There’s a scrabble of writing from the queens.

“Ladies, pens down. Shangela?”

“I’m giving the people what they want, Ru. I ain’t proud. I had to say a double fisting.”

“Did you really have to say it though?”

“Actually, mama, I did. The PAs have my children.”

“Ha! All right ladies, let’s see if we have any matches. Adore Delano. This season we’ll be making history with the first double BLANK.”

Shea holds up her card proudly. “I said the first double… elimination.”

Ru is quiet for a moment. “That’s actually been done before.”

“It has?”

“A couple of times, actually.”

“Oh.” Shea is unfazed. “Well. I don’t watch the show.”

Ru wheeze laughs, and so does Nina.

“I mean, I don’t know who any of you people are.”

“Sorry, Adore. Not a match.”

Shea shrugs, flashes a peace sign.

“What about you Katya?” Ru moves over to Ivy.

“Well, I thought about what Trixie and I like to do behind the scenes of ‘UNHhhh’ and I just had to put - fisting!” She flips her card.

“It’s a match!” Ru exclaims.

Everyone is laughing, but Nina can’t help check out the subjects of Ivy’s joke. The real Katya Zamo is smiling but - her teeth look clenched. And over with the mentors, Trixie Mattel is not smiling at all. She’s staring at her hands in her lap, systematically picking at the baby pink polish that adorns her fingernails. Hopefully none of the cameras pick up on that.

“I’ll see you later tonight!” Ivy continues, pointing at Trixie. There’s a halfway amused smile on Trixie’s face right away, but Nina feels like he was punched in the stomach. Something’s going on between the two of them, clearly. It hurts to watch - not like watching Vanjie and Brooke hurts (that’s more like watching two attractive bricks smash together). But Trixie and Katya - there’s so much history there. So much darkness. And God knows enough people have been convinced they’re in love -

“Monique Heart, what did you put down? This season we’ll be making history with the first double BLANK.”

“I said the first double crowning, dahling.”

“I’m sorry Monique, we already did that as well.”

“I know y’all did it, but I feel like it didn’t really count because my ass wasn’t wearing one of those crowns. It should have been me, and that’s a fact, America. And facts are - what? Facts.”

Ru laughs for a moment before turning to Nina. “What about Miss Vaaaanjie?”

“I said the first double wedding. And before y’all even ask: I do.” Nina glances over at Brooke, hoping he isn’t hitting this note a bit too hard.

“You do? Who’s the other happy couple?”

Ivy interrupts before Nina can answer. “Trixie! I’ve been meaning to ask you!”

“Oh honey,” Trixie calls out, looking flushed and uncomfortable. “I know I said I’d give more to charity this year, honey, but my generosity has limits.”

Behind her podium, Katya’s face is absolutely expressionless.

“Well, queens, we’re out of time,” Ru announces. “Which means the winner is… Xanax! Talk to your pharmacist. See you next time on the Snatch Game!”

Nina throws ‘deuces’ at the cameras as they get some closing B-roll, keeping up his Vanjie-persona until the very end. As soon as the director yells “cut!” Nina lets out the breath he’s been holding for the past two hours. God, it went by fast, but now he’s feeling every second of it. His muscles ache like he ran a marathon this morning and then tried kick-boxing for the first time.

“Nice work, ladies,” P.A.’s are congratulating them as they leave the set, but Nina barely hears a word. He de-drags, does some of the talking head interviews he loves so much (has to look shady about Nina B.’s performance, and worried about Brooke. Nina doesn’t put on an act or anything - he is kinda worried about Brooke. Brooke did ‘okay’ - better than Celine for sure - but didn’t stand out the way some of the other queens did. And if Brooke goes home tomorrow night - fuck. Nina doesn’t quite know how he feels about that).

Brooke was also kind of weird as they took off their paint in the Werk Room. Nina thought at first that he was in his head about the Snatch Game, but now he’s starting to wonder if his answers as Vanjie might have fucked Brooke up a bit. He hasn’t had a chance to address it, but he’s going to have to tomorrow, just to make sure they’re cool. He thinks it will be okay. He’s pretty sure. Basically. Almost positive.

Nina might be working through some latent confidence issues as he pushes himself for four miles on the elliptical later that night in the hotel (work through the pain, he reminds himself), but it’s fine really. Nothing to see here. Move along.

His legs ache and his face drips sweat, but he feels—good, actually. Solid about his performance. (He did last year, too, but he’s trying not to think about that.)

Dolly is singing about ways to make a living in his ears. He’s not assuming - but he is preparing. Just in case. If he has to lipsync for his legacy, he wants to be ready. Wants to win this one more than any other challenge, and call him crazy, but he feels like there’s a real chance. He can’t pinpoint why exactly, but there’s some kind of feeling settling down into his bones, making him think that maybe maybe maybe—

Underneath that, something uncomfortable has wormed its way into his psyche. It has almost nothing to do with the actual competition. It’s stupid and predictable and oh-so-not what he should be concerned with while on the set of All Stars for Christ’s sake. But he is and he’s here and he’s feeling things, and Nina taught himself a long time ago that feeling things fully for a while and then letting them go is far more beneficial to his mental health than taking the Brooke route and bottling everything up and burying it under vodka cranberries and couch cushions.

So sure. Okay. He’s feeling some kind of way about this thing that he saw that he wasn’t even supposed to see and isn’t even any of his business, but that’s just Nina’s luck for you. So that’s what he focuses on (or tries not to) as he turns up the resistance and pushes through the last of his workout.

He’d risked a glance back at Monét right before the PAs had shoved them off the soundstage. He’s in the business of gem collecting now, savoring those moments, polishing them up for later use, and maybe he wanted a ruby tinted the exact shade of Monét’s lipstick as they’d smiled across the room at each other.

Instead, he’d seen Monét reaching out to Shangela, crimson lips puckered, arms outstretched, ready for the kiss Nina couldn’t make himself watch.

Maybe they had kissed, Nina didn’t know; he’d made himself turn away before he could inflict any more psychological damage on himself. (He’s choosing healthier options now, remember.)

Of course they hadn’t had a moment after the last runway. Why would he think that? When Monét could have anyone he wants, and Nina is practically an amorphous blob. Like. He knows drag queens are all touchy-cuddly most of the time, and he knows that there’s probably nothing going on between Monét and pretty, perfect, halleloo-ing Shangela. But there could be, right? And goddamn, that would actually make sense. As opposed to whatever madness was going on in Nina’s head last night.

He adds even more resistance to the elliptical - just for “fun.” Or maybe spite. And yeah, okay, one night of really solid work in the hotel gym isn’t going to turn him into Naomi Smalls with legs up to his asshole or anything, but it’s a start. And the sooner Nina can convince himself that he isn’t doing this for Monét (or anyone other than himself because he likes exercise, damn it), the better.

He’s a grown-ass adult. He recognizes delusion when he sees it in the mirror every morning. It’s time to face facts—he and Monét had one (wondrously) sensual, albeit (incredibly) drunken night months ago. Monét had left the ball in Nina’s court. Nina was too chickenshit to do anything about it. Now they’re tentative friends (Monét is his mentor after all), Nina might be going crazy (this whole bursting-into-song-but-not-really thing has gone too far), and it’s all just so messy.

Nina wipes his face, stretches, and heads out of the hotel gym. He probably looks like a sweaty disaster (okay, there’s no ‘probably’ about it) and he’s waiting for the elevator down to the floor with his room, when the doors “ding” open and he’s face to face with Monét.

Could be worse. Could be Branjie again.

“Get in loser, we’re going drinking!” Monét says, with a wide smile on his face.

He’s so fucking charming that Nina momentarily forgets that he himself is a hot damn mess. Literally, like hot. Dripping with sweat.

“Um.” He gets into the elevator anyway because - he’s gotta go somewhere. “Are we?”

“If you want.” Monét gets strangely shy as soon as the elevator doors close. Or maybe that’s just in Nina’s mind. “Was the Mean Girls reference too much? I feel like maybe it’s played out.”

Nina laughs out loud, awkwardness momentarily forgotten. Monét never seems anything but confident and composed, and that one moment of doubt is - surprisingly endearing.

Not that confident, composed Monét isn’t completely endearing as well. Like. It’s all good. It all works a little too well for Nina. Everything about Monét is working a little too well for Nina lately.

Shit, the elevator is moving, decision-making time is limited.

“I kinda look like - this?” Nina waves a hand at his damp self.

“Fine as hell, girl,” Monét says with a grin, “and no pressure, obviously. Though if I’m drinking alone at the hotel bar, it’s going to look a little sad. And, look, I can make sad work for me, that’s not a problem. But after the day I’ve had -”

“Oh, the day you’ve had. Yeah, I forgot how stressful it must have been. Competing on a reality show and all that.”

“Fuck off. Uh oh, we’re passing your floor -”

“How do you know which floor is mine?”

Monét blinks at him, briefly speechless, mouth agape. (It makes something spark like a firework in Nina’s chest, shoot colours across the night sky.) The moment passes and then Monét doesn’t even have the decency to look embarrassed, just smiles like a gorgeous monster as he taps his temple. “That’s classified mentor information.”

“Yeah?”

“Hell yeah. You don’t want to know about my top-secret dossier.”

“No, I - don’t.”

“You sure you don’t?” Monét winks at him, and the elevator dings as it reaches the ground floor. “Ah, shit, missed your stop. Better come do shots with me.”

“I mean, I could just press the button again.” Nina doesn’t know why he’s resisting, he wants to get tipsy with Monét more than he wants to do most things (aside from win All Stars and run for office someday maybe).

“Nah, girl, this elevator only goes down. One-way elevator. Sorry, should have told you.”

“Guess I’m out of options.”

“Guess so.”

They look at each other. Nina remembers the man that asked him up to his room the night of the finale. Nina remembers the taste of his mouth, the way Monét kept kissing him, like he couldn’t get enough. Nina -

- is clearly exhausted. And still delusional. But fuck it.

They go to the hotel bar (isn’t this how all the bad stories start?) and Monét buys them both a tequila sunrise and tells Nina way more than he should about Trixie Mattel.

“So her man and her are split. She’s feeling some kind of way about it.”

“Of course she is. Haven’t they been together for, like, ever?”

“Something like that. Fuck.” Monét drains his drink, motions for another round. “We’ve been talking about it, but I’m not - you know. I love her, she’s incredible, but - I’m not - her best friend.”

“You’re not Katya,” Nina says quietly, and Monét scrubs his hands over his face.

“Yeah. That.”

“So why isn’t she talking to Katya, then? You guys have your phones; Katya’s here now, for Christ’s sake.”

Monét shrugs. “Beats me.”

“Are they -” Nina doesn’t have any right to this information, but - he figures that Monét wants to talk about it. “Potentially… do you think -”

“Who the fuck knows? Honestly, when I said I’d come back to do this show, I did not think it would be like being in high school again. Like who is crushing on who, who is hooking up, it -” He darts a look over at Nina and then snaps his mouth shut. “I mean.”

Nina looks away. Finishes his second drink a bit too quickly. “You want another?”

“Okay,” Monét answers before Nina can even finish the sentence.

The bartender is particularly attentive, gets another round in front of them right away. He’s got a lot of smiles for them both, says, “This round’s on me, I’m a huge fan,” as he walks off to help another customer, and Nina - can’t help it, he’s a masochist - raises an eyebrow at Monét.

“Think you’ve got an admirer.”

“Yeah?” Monét rolls his eyes. “More like you do.”

“Should we turn this into an awful romantic comedy where we make a bet about who he likes more?”

Monét laughs like he’s shocked at himself. “Girl! Okay, but what happens at the end? Who wins?”

“Well, if we’re following the formula, we probably both realize that real love was right in front of - you know, I don’t know. You, you win.” Fuck fuck fuck, what the hell is Nina even saying? He watched too many Hallmark movies last Christmas. “That voice, that ass, right?” He tries to make it into a joke, even with Monét’s eyes all honeyed and serious on his face.

Monét purses those perfect lips, presses them into a semi-smile. “Just… didn’t want to assume nothing.”

They talk for another couple drinks, and it’s - shit, it’s easy. It’s never this easy with someone Nina likes. He knows he can be funny, knows he can bring out the charm (with the right amount of alcohol in his system) but usually if there are feelings involved it all goes to hell. Nina gets weird and in his head and laughs too loudly and spills his drink everywhere.

But with Monét - it shouldn’t be like this. It shouldn’t be this easy, especially with all the longing covering up the background like terrible flowered wallpaper. It shouldn’t be this easy for Nina to stop over-thinking things and just exist in the presence of this gorgeous person.

But it is. It is easy. That’s the worst part of it all.

Monét is laughing and grabbing for his arm (just like finale night in the other hotel bar) and there’s heat in Nina’s cheeks that isn’t just from the alcohol, and Monét’s lips are glistening and wet as he pulls the straw between them and sips every last bit of the cocktail into his mouth.

Nina swallows thickly, leans into the sound of Monét’s deep rumbling laugh, reaches for his knee when he starts to slip off the hotel barstool.

How many drinks are they in now? Four? Five? More? The room is spinning.

Nina is laughing. Light, airy. Not giggling exactly but laughing and his cheeks are burning and Monét is looking at him through narrowed eyes.

“Be careful, Nina West,” Monét says, and his voice is low and dangerous. “Be careful lookin’ at people like that. They might get… ideas.”

Nina’s breath hitches in his throat and he swallows hard. “Ideas?”

“I might get ideas.” Monét smiles crookedly; his eyes are half-closed and sleepy as he rests his chin on his hand and leans against the bar. “You never texted me.”

Nina’s so glad he’s drunk. So glad he missed his floor, even if it has led to this. Because this conversation, this thing has hung between them for the entirety of filming and it hasn’t been uncomfortable exactly (because they’re adults, thank you very much), but it hasn’t been wonderful either. And Nina more than anything wants to rewind back to May, go to lunch, talk about anything and everything and nothing with Monét until they fall back into hotel sheets and kiss and kiss and kiss until—

“Why didn’t you ever text me?”

Nina clears his throat. “I was… I… I wanted to.”

“But?” Monét’s eyes are wide and pleading now. Still glassy with the alcohol, but inquisitive, bright, waiting to see how Nina is going to explain himself.

Nina is too, to be honest.

So he shakes his head. “I don’t know. Honestly. I don’t have a good reason. I wanted to. I should have.”

Monét ducks his head, takes the paper straw from his drink and twirls it between his middle and ring finger. It sends tiny droplets of tequila sunrise all over the wooden bartop.

“I thought about that night a lot, Nina West,” Monét says quietly, wiping at the droplets with a damp beverage napkin. “I don’t do that. That’s not like me.”

“Me either,” Nina says.

Nina knows that if they were sober this would be a very different conversation. There would definitely be more emotions, there might even be some yelling (although that doesn’t really seem like Monét’s thing and he’s never been one to raise his voice, so maybe not). Either way, they aren’t sober, and now they’re the sleepy kind of drunk and exhausted, so they just sit there at the bar staring at each other, not sure what to say next.

“Why’d you pick me?” Nina finally asks. “For the competition? Because of… that night?”

Monét shrugs and pulls his credit card out of the back pocket of his jeans. “Just wanted to win, girl. That’s it.”

“Shit, I don’t have—”

Monét waves him off. “I got it. Consider it after-hours mentoring.”

Nina thanks him repeatedly as they stand (clumsily) and make their way out of the hotel bar (stumblingly) and back to the elevator. When the doors shut behind them, Nina has a brief flash of all the things that two consenting adults can get up to in an elevator (some of which he has seen in recent days). But no. No. They had their chance, right? The ship has sailed.

Nina’s room is a few floors beneath the mentors’ (apparently), so he steps off before Monét.

“Can you find your way back to your room?” Monét asks, and Nina wishes he could says ‘no. No, I’m going to get completely lost, no, I’ll fall down every two steps if I don’t have you holding me up. No, I need you to linger in my doorway, I need to panic about whether I should try to kiss you goodnight, I need to think about inviting you in.

(I wouldn’t. Of course I wouldn’t. So - unprofessional. But - it’d be nice to think about.)’

“Yeah.” He smiles. “I’ll manage.”

Monét grins. Nina likes to think there’s a bit of disappointment around the edges of it, but he’s also a couple drinks in, and wears the rosiest of glasses at the best of times.

“Thanks for the company and conversation, Nina West.”

Nina nods. Doesn’t touch him, doesn’t look over his shoulder at Monét as he leaves the elevator.

But he doesn’t go back to his room either.

He wanders the hotel. Presses the down button and gets on a different elevator a few minutes later.

Nina’s going to regret this tomorrow when he’s exhausted, but he just can’t imagine shutting himself in his dark little room and lying down right now. He’s vibrating, on edge. It’s a bad idea, because there’s nothing more depressing than a silent hotel after midnight - something about the lateness of the hour makes all the shine come off. Nina’s feet lead him down one hallway and down another, and he doesn’t realize he’s heading to their usual breakfast-conference room until he hears… music?

Yes, there’s definitely music coming out of there, the casual strumming of a stringed instrument that doesn’t have anywhere to go. Someone might be humming too, it’s hard to tell from a distance.

Nina follows the sound.

The door is open, just a bit, and all the lights are on. Sitting alone in the room is Trixie Mattel, bent in concentration over her autoharp.

Out of drag, she looks smaller, more vulnerable. It’s clear just how young she is. She’s picking at a tune, murmuring something under her breath. Nina suddenly feels a warm breeze against his skin, and the melody that Trixie’s playing becomes clearer, a delicate bluegrass riff that would be at home on Nina’s old Emmylou Harris or Linda Ronstadt records.

Along with the warm breeze comes a gust of dandelion seeds, floating through the hallway like tiny wisps of cotton. Nina feels like he’s alone with Trixie in the middle of a waving wheat field, sun-baked and desolate. He can smell the cracked soil beneath his feet, hear the sound of crickets chirping in time with Trixie’s brittle melody.

Oh no. That thing is happening again.

Trixie starts to sing:

“You’re the brightest star in any room.

I’m never lonelier than when I’m with you.

I miss something that’s never happened.

I miss a place I’ve never been to.”

Her voice is quiet at first, but it grows louder.

“There are some bridges that you cannot cross

Say it again ‘til I convince myself

But all this certainty it feels like loss.

I wouldn’t risk this much for no one else.”

Trixie gets to her feet, starts walking through the wheatfield as she sings the chorus.

“And there’s a wide field between us

How you traveled all those miles without me I don’t understand

I’m always on the edge of falling

And you could pull me over just by reaching out your hand

If you’d only take that chance.”

She keeps plucking at the harp, and Nina feels words welling up inside him, ready to spill from his mouth (when he starts singing, he’s thinking of Monét. Because of course he is.)

“This sort of thing, it don’t come easy

I never know just what to do or say

It feels impossible, believe me

That you would ever look at me that way.”

He thinks of Monét’s lips on Shangela’s after the Snatch Game. He thinks of Monét’s eyes on him at the bar. (“Be careful lookin’ at people like that, Nina West.��)

“There are some bridges that you cannot cross

I built up walls around this paper heart

But when I see you I forget it

All of the reasons we should be apart.”

Trixie harmonizes along with Nina as he sings the chorus.

“And there’s a wide field between us

How I traveled all these miles, baby, I don’t understand

I’m always on the edge of falling

And you could pull me over by just reaching out your hand

But could I ever take that chance?”

Nina sings the last line one more time, feeling the weight of his hopeless longing rising like a tide inside his chest. “If you’d only take that chance…”

“Nina?”

“Um.”

Trixie is sitting in the conference room, staring at him. She’s holding her autoharp but there’s no flowing wheatfields or whatever. Somehow Nina ended up in the doorway, just standing there. Fuck’s sake. Is he dissociating? Musically??? This is unbearable.

“How long have you been there?” Trixie asks, confused.

“Um, just got - here, so -” Nina’s face is probably turning bright red, and he’s hoping against that he hasn’t just been shouting song lyrics blankly at a terrified Trixie Mattel for the past few minutes. “Are you okay?”

Trixie winces. Then she nods.

“Yeah, of course. Just - yes. Couldn’t sleep. Figuring some - stuff out. You?”

“Just - you know. Having an emotional spiral.”

“Oh honey…” Trixie’s smiling but her voice is soft and sad. “My first perm was an emotional spiral, honey.”

Nina laughs in a brittle way, because 1) Trixie’s hilarious and 2) it’s obvious she’s trying to make him feel better.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not right now,” Trixie sighs, shakes her head. “But thanks.”

Nina leaves her to it. After - whatever that just was - he feels ready to crash at long last. He’s still a bit buzzed from the tequila, but his nervous energy has banked, and he heads back to his room. He’s ready to sleep, ready to deal with tomorrow when it gets here.

So of course, there’s someone waiting for him outside his room.

“Nina West.” Maya the P.A. gives him a slow, broad smile the moment he comes into view. “Found your way back, hey? Great. We need to talk.”

Interlude: Trixie

Conversation with:

swamp thing

i cunt believe i agreed to this

Fuck autocorrect CANT

It knows what you REALLY MEANT

It knew i was texting you and assumed

I’ll take it

You’ll take anything

I ain’t proud mama

I’m hunnnnnngry

For serious though, things okay there?

For serious serious

4 C-ri-us

GROSS

That’s gonna be my dj name

Please welcome to the stage

Why do I talk to you

Why do i even know you

Yes things are find its just weird

Being back on set

And like also runnign a business and

planning a tour and all of it. At least

they let us keep our phones

Must be hard being successful

I’m crying for you

I didn’t know you could still produce tears

I squeeze em out

Like milking a cow

Just need the right suction

Stop talking to me

What can you say that you won’t get sued for

I want drama

Who’s fisting who

Ha monet wishes she was fisting someone

Shes like middle school crushing on a queen here

Its kinda cute and sad

If love isn’t pathetic i don’t want it

And there’s last seasons whole thing

#branjie

sell those hats

That is not about hats

I saw them at a show in LA last summer

They’re fucked up in love, mama

IN LOVE???

Who even are you

I’m a person who has eyes

that can see things

Are they not together? They’re togther right?

NOPE

Are you fucking kidding

I don’t believe it

Since when are you this romantic

I’m not romantic

I have no romance in my bones

It’s just OBVIOUS

Well not to them

SO

Ahhhh the gays

When will we figure our shit out

Realize what’s right in front of us

You gone?

Yeah sorry

Going to pass out

Don’t die or anything

Whiel i’m gone

Aren’t you sweet

Conversation with:

sure thing

Doing anything fun tonight?

Or just missing me

Babe?

Ok sorry filming again

Call you on break

Do not let me do this again

I don’t care what they offer me

(id o care what they offer me)

Breaks over talk to you after?

How was your day?

Call me if you want

I’m done for the night

Just getting white girl wasted alone

In my hotel room

At the mini bar yes i’m that famous now

I’m gonna crash call me if you get this

Love u

Conversation with:

swamp thing

I dreamt that i was in a bsatroom

At mcdonalds that one you puked in

After the show in philadelphia

Do you remember? Probably not

And you were there and fucking

Gordon ramsay was there (!!!)

And he wad hitting on you

And i wasd so pissed off

And thrn this lady came in and was like

‘You can’t be in here, this is for ronald only” And i fully shot her with a GUN

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN TRACY

I just woke up and feel like a monster

She was just doing her job

Ronald mcdonald needs his private shitter

And i just killed her

I killed a living dream person

Thank you for sharing this with me

I feel so close to you right now

Yeah i don’t confess dream murder

to just ayone

But WHAT DOES IT MEAN???

Latent Ronald mcdonald fetish

Clearly

I’m not a doctor or anythng

But i’m sorry you’re dying

Yep yep makes sense

I always knew it would end like this

fuck/marry/kill

me/gordan ramsay/ronald mcD

(you wanna know what the D stands for)

No i want to sleep

For 3 more hours

But i’m on reality tv again

You should havw stopped me

Maybe this dream was a warning!

I’m supposed to save you

From endng up on Chopped

What did you dream about?

U have to tell me even if it’s sexy

That’s the law

Another teeth falling out one

Mama you know that’s my kink

Conversation with:

sure thing

Good morning sexy thing

I’m so tiiiiiired

Don’t make me get up yet

Hey are u alive?

Yes

Yay u r alive!

I called u yesterday night

And at lunch

U ok?

Did u get my messages?

yes

Ok

Can i call you?

I miss your voice

I cant talk right now

Sorry

Ok

I’ll call you tonight

After filming?

Sure

Love u gorgeous

Hey just called left a message

Give me a shout later

I miss you

Brian

Have you seen the pics

from the MTV Movie Awards?

Ummm ok

No i’ll look them up

Ok

Fuck my lashes are so uneven

U breaking up with me over lashes

Lol

U and kat are pretty cuddly

Haha

are u being serious

Ur joking

Are u ok? Can i call u?

I’m out right now

Call you when i get home

Ok

But we’ve talked about this before right

U know we’re friends

Me and Kat

We’re just friends

U know this

Yeah i have lots of friends

And we don’t hold hands and kiss eachother

All the fucking time

So we’re fdoing this over text?

Is that what we’re doing

No i’ll call u later

Call me ok? I love u

U cannot be jealous of katya

She’s my Business Partner

And it’s DRAG

We touch each otehr all the time

We all do

Gotta go call u later

Conversation with:

swamp thing

Can we talk?

Not if ur busy

Let me just stop blowing this senator

And kick the clowns out

And get thes handcuffs off

No i’m not worth it

Keep these good things goin

It was winding down anyway

Gettin awkward

I have yoga tomorrow

Whats up pussycat

This is gonna sound really weird

Have you seen the pics of us

from the movie awwrds

Probably blocked them out

why????

am i like a troll

No more than usual

David texted me about them

And he’s all pissed off??

Because of us holding hands

Like so so stupid right

WHAT???!

Thats crazy!

Im so sorry

This isn’t the handmaids tale

He can calm his tits

(sorry, not to attack him just) Has he seen our shows??

What did you tell him

To fucking call me!!!

And he hasn’t

And i’m on this stupid set and can’t just go

See him and convince him how crazy he is

I’m so sorry

Do you want me to call him

I’ll call him

Tell me what to say

No don’t

Don’t worry

Its fine

I’ll talk to him

Conversation with:

swamp thing

Hey are you awake

If youre awake call me

david and I are done

over the phone

FUN

sorry you’re clearly asleep

I’m just a little drunk

brian

he said some things

that ive been thinking about

maybe call me tomorrow if u can

guess ill see you soon anyway

dont die while im gone

miss u

[seekforwarmth]

HELLOOOOO from your secret santa🎄🧑🏻‍🎄🤍:

I'm really sorry for the very late message, life it's been very busy this couple of days and the closest we get to Christmas, the more crazy my work gets:( But here I am again, just trying to cheer up your day a little bit<33. I hope you didn't miss me too much;).

First things first, how are you? I'm glad you had a good day yesterday and I really hope you had a wonderful day today as well ❤️‍🩹.

So, you're a math teacher, huh? You clever girl. That's amazing! I've always been the worst at Maths, I don't hate them, I respect them but they're so difficult! I mean, I know it's just practice and logic but sometimes my brain frozes at the sight of many numbers hahaha:( So, how you do it? Have you always liked Maths? I'm interested! ☺️

Omg, such a nice combo of colors! I like Pink too! It's really cute and you can mix it with a lot of different colors and it'll look good! And pink it's definitely a calm person color! So i get it <3 One of your favorite numbers it's also one of mine😱. Crazy coincidence, don't you think?

It's amazing to know that our birthdays are close to each other. My birthday is in July and it's also when the springs ends and summer begins. I'm a summer baby!! 🌞 What season do you like more? I used to love summer but where I live it's really really hot, it's unbearable but when it's winter it's too freaking cold, so I prefer autumn, always.

This message is getting so long, my god. I'm sorry but I love to talk a lot, if you can see. So I'll make this quick, my questions for today are: do you consider yourself an introvert or extrovert person? Do you like cats or dogs? And last but no least, favorite song when you where a child? 👀

I'm loving getting to know you better, hope you been liking it too <33

Have a good rest of your evening/night. Sending you a big and warm hug. xx 😙

helloooooo! omg santa, you’re so sweet! please don’t worry abt the messages, i was too happy that i got two yesterday that i didn’t worry much abt getting one today, please don’t stress abt it! hopefully you’re not too stressed? if you even feel too tired just send an emoji and i’ll know, okay? no need to say more <3 but yes, i still missed you.

i’m good, today was eventful really except for some disciplinary matters that i had to deal with my students but nothing big. after worked i came home and watched a match from the world cup, then i read a fic and took a nap. do you like football? fics? naps? hehe. how was your day?

i’ve always been interested in maths and i think part of me being a teacher comes from the times i used to help my classmates with their exercises. i think we’re all good at math bc they’re literally everywhere. you don’t have to solve a quadratic equation to be good at maths, so i’m sure you’re excellent!

i’m so happy to know we both like pink and, what was the number we coincide on? it’s crazy but maybe it’s just something telling us that we’ll get along just fine!

oh, a summer baby! i think we’re in the same hemisphere then hehe. i think i always say fall is my fave season but where i live it’s always hot so there isn’t really a difference between seasons. i like the ~aesthetic though.

you can write and talk as much as you want to, please feel free! i love reading your thoughts. :) and to answer your questions; i’m definitely an introvert even if i talk a lot, but it takes some time for me to be totally comfortable sharing my thoughts hehe. i like both, but i lean towards cats bc i have one! he’s my most precious thing in the world! and a song that i remember listening and singing when i was a toddler was “what’s up?” by 4 non blondes. every time i listen to it, i get flashbacks. it’s not my fave song but i wouldn’t know how to pick one. do you have a fave song?

thank you so much for your message, it brightened up my day! hope you’re having a nice evening. sending a hug back. <333

[phoneismybf]

Until We Meet Again Ep. 3 Review

Hallo everyone back again with the #UWMA review, at this time we already reach the episode 3.

#UWMAep3 #UntilWeMeetAgain #UntilWeMeetAgainTheSeries #UWMAtheseries

I always fall for @perthppe, my God, he really good at sad scenes. But seeing him like that is hurting me though, hope you never get any bad situation na. I'm happy to see you smile and very energetic doing the campus activities. Once been there but we can't meet. My heart is already yours na. I always pray goodness for you.

Have you watch this episode? If you haven't yet. Here it is, UWMA Ep. 3 Engsub

Perth as Krit was a best friend of In in the past time. 5 person in a group. They never knew the reason of In's death. Seeing Krit cried like that and knew almost every details about In, Krit seemed to be sad so much, he was the most care friend. For everyone of you who read this, treasure them, keep every friend who are really care about you even it is just a small thing to be concerned. The good friends are them who always care to you no matter what problems or situations you have, know everything about you and accept every weaknesses you have. For me, I don't have this kind of friend yet, them whom I called as bestfriends, they don't know anything about me and never seen so much care to each other so I envy you, In.

Yes, Dean has been so emotional since yesterday. It was because of you Ai'Win. Look at Team, his cuteness is growing so much. I say don't ever do that pout again while eating. Can't hold my self to pinch them.

See, even Win's friend noticed something fishy of Win and Team already.

That trauma is disturbing, poor pharm. It must be very annoying. Yes, of course his trauma doesn't concern any anxiety. He never had any situation which effect him to be stressful. It just come and he never think deeply about this trauma or the cause of it because those dreams were never happen to Pharm in the recent life but will happen with good new scenes to replace those sad dreams.

Anxiety is a kind of condition which make you stressful, worry and scare of something and make you think about it often because it is disturbing you to have unwanted experiences or disagree about somethings. Others caused by anything that make you feel bad. This may lead to a suicidal. So please concern to people who has this kind of situation, may be they are need your help, or please to any of you who experience it, never think that you are alone or useless or no one care about you, you need to love yourself and appreciate your own life, no one care at you but you the one who know yourself so well so you can care yourself as long as you have positive mind and also remember to God, God always care to us even though we are a sinner. I can't believe that I said this but hopefully it helps you, keep on mind, positive thinking, do everything in a good way, sins are for us not other, we are the one who responsible to our own sins. Don't be so sad, I've been this strong to handle everything by myself, of course almost crazy but there are people who I really care, let them be happy, I always love to see people happy even though I'm not. So, don't you think you are alone, let's live our life and enjoy the rest of it. (yet, I'm hoping to fast forward it to the end)

Continue...

Dean finally got a chance to introduce himself well. What is the purpose of telling him that you are single? Fast man, even it is too fast though asking his number and call it directly to let him know that he can have your number right away. Yim... Smile and have a good dream Ai'Pharm. Hahaha he is so cute.

I don't know how he can imagine Manaow to tell him to flirt in early morning. Lol. Yet, make the chat conversation live like that is kind of cute. We can know Dean's expression while replying Pharm.

Not a bother Ai'Pharm, P'Dean just missing you, that's why he wants to pick you up and go to the campus together. Dean seriously a simple man, he only wanna have an omelet, or it refers to the dream?

Back again, I cannot stop smiling when see Perth here, miss you baby tiger. Little happiness. Good news Love by Chance Season 2 has confirmed to be made. Yay.... My curiosity about TinCan will be answered. And I can see Ae more.

So, the one who approaching first was In and he was so brave saying that he wanted to hit on Korn. Even his friends were scare at him and we knew that LGBT still an issue back then. Besides, Korn's father was a mafia though. He was so sure that Korn would fall for him. His willpower already that strong since the beginning. He was a kind of person who rule out a problem.

In who couldn't cook even he couldn't make an omelet, now in present time he reincarnate to a person who love cooking and can make any kind of food. Your wish came true.

Such an early bird man, too eager to meet your wify to be hah? Do people in Thai always be like this, fine with people who likes same gender? Is it because of they are already open with this so everything just feel usual? Some will say he isn't gay but later they get along either become close friend or real boyfriend. Like it is so easy to find one or to be accepted. Here in my country we totally hide it, some are openly proud but well you knew what the mouthes do. Hahaha such an unsupportive environment.

"don't need to be hurry. I can wait" Dean. Nice, positive thing he can be patient. Other thing, you have a purpose, haven't you? Stay long means full fill the empty space. You just know each other and you already dare to pat and fix Pharm's hair. Man... Drama always gives us fast flow. Well sometimes I'm not ready to clearly think, to clear the feeling and to make sure something.

"we should go "eat"" Pharm. Exactly what I'm thinking but Dean also gives the same question "go eat?" for Thai 'eat' has two meanings; eating something to fill the belly or eat you up on the bed. Dean's question means he thinks dirty than I thought. Pharm already cooked an omelet for you but you still asking, of course eating the food he made not have a f*ck in the morning, well both of your b*ner phase passed right? Don't even think to wake them up, you need to go at 7 AFTER EATING THE FOOD NOT EACH OTHER. LOL. "Before it get cold" Pharm. It is already cold, after waiting you had a shower with those nervous. Do you think it was short? Hell no it must be long waiting which made Dean look around the room.

This drama always end the episodes with a cry. I never think that the memories are that strong even it just a touch between the spoon-fork on the omelet. But the emotion come so strong like bomb cause him to cry and unconscious. Stressful things, I'll feel uncomfortable at the moment, too much mixing feeling. But Dean is always ready to care him. Sweet. I wanna see them talk each other about the dream. Hurry up, I'm curious but it was the end of the episode 3.

Waiting again... A week.... Hmm... I'm haven't seen the #TharnTypeEp8 though because people's comments were so emotional about it. Too much feeling every week. I need to calm down... Hahaha

Okay then.... See you again.

[dino0316]

EXCLUSIVE:

Eden Hazard: "I want to show that I am made for Real"

(Words: Jürgen Geril / Photo: Kris Van Exel)

Fasten your seat belts. This is your captain speaking. The Red Devils kick off their European Championship in Russia tonight and then it is Eden Hazard (30). Not quite fit yet, but soon the captain who can lead us to the European title. Despite a season full of injuries, Hazard allowed us an exclusive interview in which he got quite personal. "My sons are very sorry if I can't play with them in the garden due to injuries."

Eden Hazard

The injections I got in both hips work, but I will never be 100 percent in that first match

You don't just arrange an interview with Eden Hazard. At Real Madrid he continuously held off the boat. Because Real is a world team that does not hand out its stars on a tray, but also because Hazard was injured more than fit and received a lot of criticism. Then you are not always in the mood to talk. At the Red Devils, the captain excelled in his absence for 17 months.

But a conversation is possible during this European Championship preparation. That is, if we can present a negative Covid test. So, one day after we let such a Swiffer stick tickle our eyeball, we sit down at Hazard's table. Eden slumps sprawled under a parasol. “During such preparation, I do have some free hours,” he says. “Okay, sometimes I play cards with teammates, but Mertens and co. don't always like it when I join. (grins) I'm not very good at it and then I cheat to tease the others. Creating atmosphere, huh. Fire your questions.”

Eden, there's been so much speculation about your thigh injury. You indicated that you will never be one hundred percent fit for the opening match. What about now? Can you play against Russia?

“The desire to appear at the kick-off is, of course, there. I can play a good match without training a lot, but – honestly – I don't want to start just to start. The good feeling in my legs will return and the injections I received in both hips work, but I will never be 100 percent in that first match. Even if I just come in, don't expect me to make the difference against Russia right away."

You played only 9 minutes against Croatia. Don't you need net matches to grow into your best form?

“I get better when I can play one, two, three matches in a row. Then the ball feeling returns and the rhythm returns, but I don't want to force it either. If I have to be more patient, so be it. Fortunately, I am not the only one in Belgium who can decide a match. We have so many good players who can score.”

What I wonder: is there no mutual competition among the Devils who is now the greatest world champion? You, De Bruyne, Lukaku,...?

“We don't participate in such games. The ranking is clear, isn't it? When it comes to passing, Kevin is the best, no one can finish better than Romelu, Doku is the sprint bomber and Thibaut Courtois is the best with his hands. Everyone has their specialty and that's what makes us so good. Where am I? I'm hanging in there. I'm good at everything, but I'm not the best at anything. I am a good mix.” (grins)

You say you don't want to force against Russia. Did you do that at Real Madrid? For example, you played in the Champions League against Mönchengladbach after two group training sessions.

(hesitating) “With all those injuries I forced once, yes. I had already been out twice and felt pain again during training. I thought to myself: This is no longer possible. If I now indicate that I am in pain, I have to stop for another two weeks . So I was silent and continued. At Chelsea I often played football with discomfort. Stiffness, a kick I got,... Once warmed up, it went well and in seven years that never led to major injuries in England. Unfortunately, at Real it was the other way around. The next day: Bam, more pain. ”

It all started with that kick by Meunier in the Champions League in 2019. Then you started having problems with that plate in your ankle and since then you have had one muscle injury after another.

“Ah, I played with that picture for two years at Chelsea without hindrance. It's just hard to understand. I do everything I can to not get injured, work hard in the gym – which is really boring – and then a new injury often followed. Bad luck. Hopefully that period is behind me now, because I've had it with it."

Belgium knows you as a cheerful French, but your eyes are dimmed.

“I'm still the same, you know. I still have fun, but I can't say I'm happy. That's only me when I can have fun on the field. That has not happened in the past two years at Real. If you have one or two injuries, you can easily turn the switch. You rehabilitate to come back stronger. If it's five, six, seven injuries, it's much more difficult mentally. But I continue. It's not that I'm 36 years old and can say enough is enough. I also get a lot of support during such periods. The whatsapp group with my parents and my brothers Thorgan, Kylian and Ethan does not stand still. My wife and children are also there. Although my sons find it especially bad because I can play football with them less in the garden.”

Are your four sons – Yanis, Leo, Samy and Santi – addicted to playing soccer with their daddy?

“We often play football. Then they try to play a ball through my legs and if they succeed, that's great. That's football. But for now I gate them more often than they gate me. My kids are starting to get it, because now they are constantly defending with their legs closed. They're not bad, but it's too early to tell if they have the talent of the Hazards."

Do they play with the youth of Real Madrid?

“No, Yanis and Leo play together in a team close to our house, Samy just started training there and the youngest is still too small. They should play football for fun. If I can, I'll look, but then I'm not constantly giving directions. That's the coach's job."

We don't really see a trainer in you later on. Not at a professional level, anyway.

“Never say never, but for now I share your opinion. I would be a bad coach. One that says: Grab a ball and do something fun with it . I don't like tactics. If we have an hour of video analysis, as a professional football player, of course I pay attention. You can always learn something, but it's not my favorite activity. I also watch less and less football on TV. Not to the Belgian league anyway, unless my brother Kylian participates at Cercle. In Germany I follow Thorgan at Dortmund, but for the rest? I am more concerned with my family.”

Do your children empathize with you?

“They are fans of Real, but they don't follow every match. During this European Championship they will support the TV with Belgian shirts. It's double. The more we win, the longer they have to miss their daddy, but okay: the boys hope that Belgium becomes European champion and above all that I am fit and healthy on the field."

What do you think of the statement that your injuries are due to stress? At Real you span your muscles through the nerves.

“ N'importe quoi . bland. Of course there is pressure. Real Madrid is the biggest club of all. When you play football there, people expect you to be the best in the world. But why should I be stressed? It's my dream club from when I was little. I looked at Zidane with admiration at Real...”

You are the record purchase of 120 million. Some argue that Chelsea got even more.

“I don't know how much it was myself. Hundred million or more? I am not concerned with money. I only think about the field.”

You also had to succeed Cristiano Ronaldo at Real.

"That is something else. I am not Cristiano Ronaldo. Ronaldo scores 60 to 70 goals in a year, I score 60 to 70 goals in seven or eight years. We are different. For example, I will never jump that high above a defender to head in a ball. Imagine. But I did not enter Madrid with the idea: I have to be the new Ronaldo here . I just have to be Eden Hazard.”

According to our analyst René Vandereycken, they are still not playing you well at Real. They should – according to him – also give you the ball if there are two men in your back.

“It makes sense that they don't, because I haven't shown anything at Real yet. If we play a match tomorrow and I dribble from between three players, they're going to play me more like that. Then confidence grows. That's how it was at Chelsea, that's how it is at the Red Devils. The European Championship can also help me show myself to Real Madrid.”

So are you one hundred percent sure you'll stay?

“Yeah, it didn't even occur to me for a second that I better leave. I'm not going to leave there a failure. I just want to prove that I am made for Real Madrid. The past two years have been difficult. I was in Madrid without actually being in Madrid, you know? And if I did play, it was difficult because of Covid. We played in that small stadium on the practice complex without fans, while I just signed to play football for a full Bernabeu. I hope that the works on our stadium will be finished soon and that the stands will fill up again. I need that.

Real remains another universe. A kilo too much or a bad match and you will be killed. The press and the fans are on your skin. Bale once said: 'When I come out, I immediately have fifty fans behind me.'

“Criticism is part of Real, just like the attention of the fans is part of it. Okay, luckily I live in a closed neighborhood where you don't just drive in. If the supporters could ring my door, it wouldn't be possible. (laughs) But I don't mind signing autographs elsewhere. I try to live a normal life.”

Fans and press were outraged when you laughed and joked with Chelsea players Mendy and Zouma after the elimination in the semi-finals of the Champions League.

“That was wrong, yes. What Mendy and Zouma said wasn't even funny, but I've played with Zouma and I know Mendy through the door. It's always nice to see friends again. Although I understand that I have damaged the image of Real Madrid. Everyone thought I didn't lose sleep over that shutdown, but nothing could be further from the truth. Deep down I was very disappointed. If there was one match I wanted to win, it was against my ex-club Chelsea at Stamford Bridge. I was shocked when I saw those images.”

How did your teammates react?

“I got some phone calls, but honestly: it's a very nice group of players. That is also one of the reasons I absolutely want to stay: the good atmosphere. You know, when I first stepped into Real's dressing room, I was impressed. That was my favorite all-star club, but guys like Sergio Ramos or Karim Benzema are just regular guys. The Spaniards sometimes take the whole group to quiet restaurants.”

Hold on... Eden Hazard was impressed?

“Yes, but I'm fast, you know. When a new talent arrives at the Red Devils, I quickly think: Wow, he can teach us something . Jérémy Doku, for example. What he shows in training speaks for itself. His dribbling, his acceleration.”

Do you recognize yourself in Doku?

“It is a dear guest. He's even faster and more explosive than the young Eden. Jérémy integrates well, but that is not difficult with these Devils. We grow older in age, but our minds remain young. I am still eighteen years old in that regard. I'm not saying that the previous generation of Devils was surly and unkind, but this core is more open to youngsters."

Have you asked Dries Mertens what it is like to work with Carlo Ancelotti? He will be the new coach of Real Madrid.

“Ancelotti has already messaged me. He told me that he is very happy to be coach of Real Madrid again, but that we will have time to talk at length later. He wished me luck at the European Championship. I didn't have to ask Mertens how Carlo Ancelotti is, because at Real there are still many players – Benzema, Modric, Kroos,...– who remember him from his previous visit in Madrid. They all say that Ancelotti is fantastic. A good person who knows how to play and lead a group. Last season Real won nothing, next season we want to take revenge.”

With Zinedine Zidane, your great patron left Real Madrid.

“I called him. It hurt me to see him leave. We had two years where we could show beautiful things and it failed. That is a disappointment to both him and me. Everyone knows the relationship I had with Zidane. He used to be my idol. Because of him I started to watch football with admiration. That goal he scored in the Champions League final against Bayer Leverkusen... Everyone knows that volley. Well, hopefully one day I will score such a beautiful goal. I must try that. Maybe at the European Championships.” (laughs)

Another great idol will return to the Red Devils: Thierry Henry.

“That's great. Better to have Titi with us than to have him elsewhere. A former player like Henry means an added value. He has experience in tournaments, won the World Cup and the European Championship. There are few ex-football players who have such an appearance.”

In what area does he help you the most?

“Actually, he doesn't talk much. Henry radiates calm, romps around the terrain and occasionally gives tips: Why don't you walk like that? There is the free space... He has a special aura. It is good for us that such an icon is now back in our staff. Moreover, it frightens the opponents. If we had to play against a team with Zidane as coach tomorrow, we immediately think: oh la la .”

Are we the favorites to win the European Championship?

“No, Belgium is a team that can win the European Championship, but the big favorite is France. They are world champions and still have the same team, supplemented by some new strong players such as Benzema. They are the team to beat. We are an outsider.”

Final question. You never played in Belgium. Will we ever see you play football in Belgium like Kompany did at a later age?

“All due respect to Kompany. He took Belgian football to a higher level, but I don't see myself playing in the Belgian league. I have been living abroad with my family for years: seven years in London and hopefully five years in Madrid. Returning with the whole family seems complicated to me. After my career I may live in a remote place. Laid back. But believe me: I still have five or six great football years ahead of me.”

(X)