#hopefully it'll just go away with time

[identitty-dickruption]

just spent an hour fleshing out my "disability in the bible" point in my thesis and. like. it's only really an aside as it is. but the pull of biblical studies is once again so so strong. rip

[yo9urt]

i know やった is not considered to be part of the onomatopoeic/mimetic word family but it almost feels like it could be

[sysig]

Fond of you and your artworks :)

Aw, thank you! 💕

[des-fangirl]

(⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠) it is once again hard to get out of bed and do basic tasks to keep myself well every day EVEN EAT UGH i hope rereading mort will save me (i honestly dont know what else to do)

[chexie]

Who the heck let that liar say when I’d be updating chapters

(its me i’m the liar)

[memequeen92]

babygirl are you okay? you've barely sexualized your irredeemable bastard today

DFHNFJHFDKHNHF

I swear I'm fine I've just been chatting with a Springtrap AI chatbot for the past week it's been a blast I'm having a silly little time with it I'm alive I swear

[xavieremix]

okay so the tags on that last post got me feeling those melon collies so i'm just gonna. tagdump in here. slightly sensitive topics? so uh. scroll down (or press J to jump to next post). or read my thoughts like the morning paper. sorry. cheers.

[gamebunny-advance]

Context: about every 100+ followers or so, I hold a "Follower Milestone Celebration" where I open doodle requests for a short time. I'm getting really close to the next one, but the last time I did it, there weren't that many requests, so I've kinda been discouraged from doing it.

But, this next milestone is kinda special since it's the big 1,000, and it'd feel weird if that's the one where I finally decided to stop doing it. So, I thought I'd ask what y'all want to do.

If you're not familiar with the general celebration rules, they are as follows:

One request per person per celebration. If you've made a request in the past, you can ask for another one, but only one per milestone.

One character per request. I might make exceptions for "animal buddies" or other small companions, but not 2 full-sized characters. I used to do them, but I wanna keep things moving and do as many requests as possible.

Don't be too detailed or specific. These are only doodle requests, something I can draw in less than an hour, so the art is gonna be a little simple. At most, keep it limited to 1 character + an action. Props are okay. Backgrounds are situational/simple.

Good Example: Kun3h0 eating a pizza.

Bad Example: Kun3h0 sitting cross-legged while eating a pizza slice in one hand, and holding a game controller in the other while playing Kirby Air Ride while GAB watches.

It's ONLY open to followers that followed before I made the official announcement. (This is not the official announcement.) This means that requests cannot be anonymous, since I have to verify the follower status. If you don't want your name published with your request, then just ask to be anonymous, and I won't mention your name when I post the doodle~

I'm being especially strict about that rule now. Anyone coming into my ask box with a sob story that wasn't following me is just gonna be blocked on sight now.

I don't do OCs. This includes other people's OCs. I used to allow them for mutuals and honorary mutuals, but it's both a confusing rule, and I actually feel a lot of pressure when drawing OCs since I want to make them as good as possible. I think y'all deserve the best, but that's hard to upkeep when I'm doing rapid-fire requests X(.

I will draw for fandoms I'm not familiar with, but I won't draw things that conflict with my moral values. I'm not gonna make a whole list of things/fandoms I won't draw, but if you've been following me on either of my two blogs, then you probably have a good idea of where my moral compass lies. Just ask if you're not sure. If I won't do it, then I'll just ask you to make a different request.

I don't do horny. It's not against my morals, but I won't do that kind of thing for free. Even if it's an innocuous kink that could pass under the radar, I'm not consenting to be a part of that at this time. Consider a commission if you want something like that from me.

That's the gist of it. There isn't a hard limit on how long the celebration goes or how many requests I'll do, but it's generally first-come, first-serve, but mutuals/honorary mutuals get priority. I like to think of it like microwaving pop-corn: I'll officially close things once requests either slow down or stop for a significant amount of time and/or I get burnt out.

Also keep in mind that none of this is an obligation to me, so I might reject a request for a reason not explicitly stated in the rules. It just depends on how comfortable I am with the request.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask (questions can be anonymous)~

[girlitfeelsgood]

friends. I fear I may have a tonsil infection

[mosspapi]

Fuck dude it'd been so long I was starting to think I used to be dramatic abt calling it an addiction but this fucking relapse is. I mean. Idk man this is a lot

[a-b-riddle]

Part Five

Can't stop thinking about the attempt of reconciliation and reader ain't having it. Our girl is going to be wilddddd y'all. Also goodnight. See y'all tomorrow (maybe)

You call Meredith when you get home.

You. Are. Fuming. She's not sure she can ever remember a time you using so many swear words at one time.

How fucking dare them? Immature? You're the immature one? You were the one trying your best to salvage four failing relationship meanwhile none of those assholes could be bothered to try and keep one. They had one person to manage: you.

"I wanna go out this weekend." "Wear something tight and borderline risk indecent exposure."

"You know what I always say," Meredith begins. "The best way to get over someone-"

"is to get under someone else." You finish. You weren't exactly keen on the idea of bringing someone to your bed just yet, but a little attention would do you some good. "I don't want to fuck someone just yet." You admitted. "I'm more on the getting drunk and making out."

"I didn't know we resorted back secondary school heavy petting?" She teased.

"University, Dear." You corrected. "I didn't peak until after I graduated."

"No." She argued. "You didn't put your books down long enough to realize that boys actually wanted to fuck you." You were glad she couldn't see you roll your eyes. "Saturday work for you? I have a late night Friday and won't be up for it."

"That works."

"Sorry." She apologized. "I plan on getting you absolutely smashed so I need to be ready to play the nanny. I know how you love to get drunk and run off."

It was true. You had always found it hilarious when you were drunk to just run. Quite literally run away. It got to a point during university where Meredith would handcuff you to her so you didn't stray.

"I won't run." Your sober mind promised.

"Uh huh." Meredith's tone told you that she knew that was a load of shit. "I'll text Tabs. Let her know the plan."

The next day at the shop was pretty uneventful. No more unexpected visitors. You still had them all blocked. Not caring if now they decided to offer up some bullshit apology.

Months. This had been a steady decline for six months. A text or a simply sorry won't fix this. You weren't sure anything could.

But it didn't matter. You were done and they obviously were too.

You had picked up enough take out to feed a family, but you didn't plan on making your lunch before work or cooking when you got home. The rest of the week you planned on just going through the motions until you could go out Saturday and hopefully get everything out.

You weren't paying attention as you walked down the hallway to your flat. Fishing in your purse for keys. You were at almost at your door when you saw him.

Sitting next to your door was a familiar face. A face you felt you haven't seen in forever.

“What are you doing here, Kyle?" Your voice was flat as you continued to blindly try and find your keys with one hand. Fuck. You really need to clean out your purse...

“My key wouldn’t work.” He explained. "So I’m out here.”

"I'm aware why you're not in my apartment since I changed the locks," you said, trying to keep your irritation at bay. "What I am asking is why did you come here?"

"You won't return any of our messages."

"You're all blocked, so technically I didn't really get any messages." "Besides, you don't get to complain to me about not responding to texts, Kyle Garrick." Your fingers finally wraps around them. God bless. "If you're here for your things, it'll have to wait. I have to sort through everyone's shit and I don't know whose is whose."

"We need to talk." He explains as you put the key into the lock, opening the door.

"Nah," you say scrunching your nose in that way he used to adore. "I'm good. But you can swing by tomorrow and pick up your things if you'd like." You say before trying to shut the door on him. You were stupid in thinking you could be faster than him.

Dammit.

"I know things haven't been good and I've definitely could have been better,'' he admits. "But can you at least try and let us apologize? Let us try and work it out."

"No." You answered, trying to close the door. Not caring if you had to resort to kicking his shins to get him out.

"Why not?" He countered.

“Maybe because I've already tried, Kyle?” You gave up on trying to shut him out. You were strong, but he didn't have any issues in besting you. “Because I actually tried with you. With all of you. You didn’t need to come here giving me excuses about your life being hectic because I’ve made the excuses for you.” You didn't miss how he practically flinched. He had always blamed his busy life. Family. Work. You stopped caring about whatever excuse he gave you and realized it was just that. An excuse. “I’ve been telling myself for months that everything you guys didn’t do for me wasn’t because you didn’t care about me. It was because of the stress of your deployments is the reason none of you tell me when you get back from until it’s time to fuck. I tell myself it’s because of the fucked up situation of me being with all of you that makes it awkward to meet your families. Families you all have that I now know I’m not worthy of meeting.” He wanted to correct you. You were. You were worthy. He was an idiot. “It’s not that I need your excuses to make me feel like what you did was justified. No matter what it was, it was apparently to you because you did it.”

He took a step back, processing everything you had said. He had been selfish. You were the reliable constant in his life. Someone he believed he never disappointed. Someone he couldn't disappoint no matter how many times he fucked up.

You took the opportunity to slam the door. Quickly turning the lock before he had a chance to open it back up.

God...

That felt good.

You had spent that evening collecting their thing in case Kyle did show back up tomorrow. You wouldn't make their lives easier by sorting all their shit and organizing it. Everything. One box. Let them figure it out. You almost had a mind to add a shirt that you knew didn't belong to any of them just to have them argue over it. Or least make them think there was someone else...

You were almost tempted if not for the premise that you wanted them to realize this was their fault. Their fuck up. But now that you were officially all broken up, you were free game.

[gemscales-and-tea]

I seriously hate when these moods fucking hit me. I don't know when they're gonna hit and I don't know how to make them stop. Worst yet, the entire time I feel like I want to reach up and claw my own skull open.

I've come to accept that this is just part of my 'persistent depression' diagnosis I got years ago, coupled with my autism.

It really is just... a terrible feeling. Like I'm being glared at from all sides while my own brain feels like it's dying, screaming 'you're not good enough' as it strangles itself with the most... awful feeling.

I really do wish I knew what triggered these moods for certain but I don't. They just kind of... hit me, whenever they feel like it.

[zodisims]

hi again. :)

[3dbillcipher]

HELP ME GIVE MY PUPPETS TO ALEX HIRSCH

(EDIT: I have an address, these guys are going to Alex soon!!!)

Hey guys, 3dbillcipher's creator here.

I have to move to another country in the next 4 months and I can't take my Gravity Falls puppets that I built in 2016 with me.

For those that haven't seen them, these are my puppets:

Right now my choices are:

Throw Bill, Stan and Ford into the trash.

Give them away to any other fan that is willing to take them (hopefully someone who will use them for something fun that can be shared with the rest of the fandom, and not just hoard them in a box.)

Try to somehow reach Alex and send them to him, assuming he wants them. We know that he seems to like puppets, so I hope that he'd want these. I even know that he's seen the Bill puppet at least once, because he retweeted a photo of it one time.

For Alex, I'd be willing to pay for whatever the shipping costs (I know it'll probably be a lot). For anyone else, I'd have to think about it and try to negotiate the best way to get the puppets to them.

Anyway... please boost the hell out of this! If enough people reblog on Tumblr, if it spreads to other social media like Twitter or Reddit (here's the tweet about it, if you want to boost that), maybe I can reach Alex and I can repay a fraction of the joy that Gravity Falls has brought to my life by giving him a little something. And if not Alex, maybe I can find a good home for my puppets with someone else.

[aceyalonso]

what's mine is mine - OSCAR PIASTRI

pairing : oscar piastri x reporter!gf!reader

summary : oscar and his jealous tendencies can lead to some... eventful consequences

warnings/notes : swearing, smut, possessive!oscar, unprotected sex (please use a condom!), creampie, fingering, hair pulling, oral (fem!receiving), breeding kink (if you squint), use of "baby"

word count : 2.0k

a/n : no hate to franco guys, I love that man with a passion

main masterlist | kinktober masterlist

Y/n stood in the paddock, her hair blowing in the wind as she interviewed the new driver, Franco. Her boyfriend, Oscar, watched from afar, his jaw clenched in jealousy as he saw Franco place a hand on Y/n's lower back.

"So Franco, how do you think this weekend will go for Williams? Especially with points being in arms reach considering last race" Y/n asked professionally, holding her microphone up to capture his response.

Franco grinned charmingly at the camera. "It seems like it'll be a pretty good weekend for the team- Hopefully we can score some points this time. I can't wait to prove myself out on the track." His eyes flicked to Y/n, a flirtatious glint in them. "And of course, having such a gorgeous reporter to interview me is just an added bonus."

Y/n laughed lightly, used to the flirtations that came with her job. "Well, let's hope your driving skills are as smooth as your lines, Franco." She smiled playfully before wrapping up the interview.

As Y/n finished up with Franco, she turned to see Oscar striding purposefully towards her, his handsome face etched with a scowl. He placed a possessive hand on the small of her back as he approached.

"Everything okay here, babe?" Oscar asked, his tone clipped. His eyes darted to Franco suspiciously.

Y/n smiled reassuringly up at her boyfriend. "Of course, he was just being friendly for the interview."

But Oscar wasn't convinced. He pulled Y/n closer to his side, his grip tightening slightly. "It seemed like more than that to me. The guy couldn't keep his eyes, or his hands, off you."

Y/n sighed, knowing Oscar could be overly protective at times. "Oscar, please, it's my job to interview the drivers."

Oscar's jaw relaxed a bit at her words, but he still looked unsettled as he watched Franco walk away. "I just don't like the way he was looking at you. Like he wanted to devour you right there in the paddock."

Y/n rolled her eyes at Oscar's possessiveness. "Come on, let's go back to your drivers' room. I'm sure you're eager to get ready for practice."

She took his hand and led him away from the paddock, leaving Franco behind. As they walked, Oscar's grip on her hand tightened, his jealousy still simmering beneath the surface.

As soon as the door to Oscar's private drivers' room closed behind them, he pushed Y/n up against the wall, his body pressing against hers. "I can't stand seeing other men flirt with you," he growled, his lips crashing into hers in a heated kiss.

Y/n gasped into his mouth, her hands coming up to grip his shoulders. She kissed him back fiercely, matching his intensity. Oscar's hands roamed her curves possessively, one sliding down to grab her ass.

He broke the kiss, panting softly. "You're mine, Y/n. I don't want anyone else even looking at you like that." His eyes burned into hers, filled with lust and a hint of anger.

Oscar's hands continued to explore Y/n's body, his touch growing more aggressive. "I bet that Franco can't even make you cum," he whispered in her ear, his hot breath sending shivers down her spine. "He probably doesn't even know how to touch a woman properly."

Y/n moaned softly as Oscar's fingers found her sensitive spots, teasing her through her clothes. "You're right," she breathed, arching into his touch. "No one can make me feel as good as you can, Oscar."

He smirked, pleased by her response. "And I don't have to be inside you to make you feel good," he said, his fingers working their magic. "I know your body better than anyone, and I can make you cum with just my hands."

Oscar's words were true, and Y/n knew it. She had never experienced pleasure quite like she did when she was with him. As his skilled fingers continued to work their magic, she felt herself getting closer to the edge, her body trembling with anticipation.

Oscar suddenly stopped his ministrations, leaving Y/n panting and desperate for more. He grabbed her hand and led her to the couch, sitting her down before kneeling in front of her. With a mischievous glint in his eyes, he slowly hiked up her dress, exposing her lacy panties.

"These look so pretty on you," he purred, running his fingers along the delicate fabric. "But I think they'd look even better in my pocket."

With that, he hooked his fingers into the waistband and pulled her panties down, revealing her glistening folds. Y/n gasped as the cool air hit her sensitive skin, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment and arousal. Oscar took the panties and slipped them into his pocket, a wicked grin spreading across his face.

"I'll keep these with me for the entire day," he said, his voice low and seductive. "That way, I can show these off Franco. I'll show that fucker who you belong to."

Y/n's heart raced at the thought of Oscar showing her panties to Franco. The idea of being claimed so boldly sent a thrill through her body. She spread her legs wider, inviting him to continue his exploration.

Oscar leaned in, his breath hot against her skin as he traced his fingers along her slick folds. "You're so wet for me already," he murmured, his fingers circling her clit. "I love how responsive you are."

Y/n moaned softly, her hips bucking against his hand. "Please, Oscar," she begged, her voice husky with desire. "I need more."

He obliged, slipping two fingers inside her, pumping them slowly at first before picking up the pace. His thumb pressed against her clit, rubbing in tight circles. Y/n's moans grew louder, her body trembling with pleasure.

"That's it, baby," Oscar encouraged, his fingers moving faster. "Let me hear you. Show me how much you love this."

Y/n's moans grew louder and more urgent as Oscar's fingers worked their magic inside her. Her back arched off the couch, her nails digging into the leather cushions. "Oh god, Oscar," she cried out, her hips rocking against his hand. "Don't stop, please don't stop,"

Oscar smirked, enjoying the way she was coming undone beneath his touch. He curled his fingers just right, hitting that spot deep inside her that made her see stars. "You like that, don't you?" he purred, his thumb pressing harder against her clit. "You love the way I make you feel."

Y/n could only nod, lost in the waves of pleasure crashing over her. Her thighs began to tremble, her body tensing as she neared her peak. "I'm so close," she gasped, her voice barely above a whisper. "Please, Oscar, make me cum."

Oscar could feel Y/n's body tensing, her moans growing more desperate. He knew she was close, and he wanted nothing more than to push her over the edge. He increased the speed of his fingers, his thumb working her clit relentlessly.

"That's it, baby," he encouraged, his voice low and husky. "Let go for me. Cum all over my fingers."

Y/n's body stiffened, her back arching off the couch as a powerful orgasm ripped through her. She cried out Oscar's name, her body shaking with the force of her release. Oscar continued to stroke her through her climax, drawing out her pleasure until she collapsed back onto the couch, spent and breathless.

He withdrew his fingers, bringing them to his lips and sucking them clean. "You taste amazing," he said, his eyes dark with desire. "I could do this all day."

Y/n lay there panting, her body still tingling from the intense orgasm. She watched through heavy-lidded eyes as Oscar moved between her legs, his face mere inches from her sensitive core. He smiled up at her, his eyes filled with hunger.

"I'm not done with you yet," he said, his voice low and seductive. "I want to taste you."

With that, he leaned in and ran his tongue along her slit, making Y/n gasp. He explored her folds with his tongue, lapping up her juices and savoring her flavor. Y/n's hands flew to his hair, gripping it tightly as he worked her over with his mouth.

Oscar's tongue was relentless, alternating between long, slow licks and quick flicks against her clit. He brought a hand up to join his mouth, two fingers sliding easily into her wet heat. Y/n's moans grew louder, her hips rocking against his face as he brought her closer to another peak.

Y/n's moans grew more desperate as Oscar's tongue and fingers worked their magic. She could feel another orgasm building, but she needed more. She needed him inside her.

"Oscar, please," she begged, her voice husky with desire. "I need you inside me. I can't take it anymore."

Oscar looked up at her, his eyes dark with lust. He could see the need in her eyes, and it only fueled his own desire. He rose to his feet, quickly unbuckling his belt and pushing his pants down. His erection sprang free, hard and ready.

He positioned himself between her legs, the tip of his cock teasing her entrance. "Is this what you want, baby?" he asked, his voice low and seductive. "You want me to fill you up?"

Y/n nodded frantically, her hips lifting off the couch in anticipation. "Yes, please," she whimpered. "I need you so badly."

Oscar didn't need to be told twice. He thrust his hips forward, burying himself deep inside Y/n's wet heat. They both moaned at the sensation, their bodies fitting together perfectly. He started to move, his thrusts slow and deep at first before picking up speed.

Y/n wrapped her legs around his waist, her nails digging into his back as he pounded into her. "Harder," she demanded, her voice breathy and desperate. "Fuck me harder, Oscar."

He complied, his hips snapping against hers as he drove into her with increasing force. The sound of their bodies slapping together filled the room, mixing with their moans and cries of pleasure. Y/n could feel another orgasm building, her body tensing as she neared the edge.

"I'm so close," she gasped, her head thrown back in ecstasy. "Don't stop, please don't stop."

Oscar could feel her tightening around him, and he knew she was close too. He reached down, his fingers finding her clit and rubbing it in tight circles. "Cum for me, baby,"

His thrusts grew more erratic as he neared his own release. "Fuck, Y/n," he groaned, his voice strained with pleasure. "I'm going to fill you up so good, you'll be dripping for hours."

His words sent a shiver down Y/n's spine, pushing her closer to the edge. She could feel his cock twitching inside her, signaling his impending orgasm. "Yes, Oscar," she moaned, her nails raking down his back. "Fill me up. I want to feel your cum inside me."

With a final, powerful thrust, Oscar buried himself deep inside her, his cock pulsing as he released his load. Y/n cried out, her own orgasm crashing over her as she felt his hot seed filling her up. Her walls clenched around him, milking him for every last drop.

Oscar's hips jerked as he continued to empty himself inside Y/n, his cock pulsing with each spurt of his release. "Fuck, yes," he groaned, his voice ragged with pleasure. "Take it all, baby. I'm going to fill you up so good, you'll be dripping for days."

Y/n moaned, her body trembling with the intensity of her own orgasm. She could feel his hot cum flooding her insides, coating her walls. It felt so good, so right, to be claimed by him in this way.

As his orgasm subsided, Oscar collapsed on top of her, his weight pressing her into the couch. They both lay there panting, their bodies still joined intimately. Oscar nuzzled into her neck, pressing soft kisses to her sweat-dampened skin.

Oscar lifted his head to gaze down at Y/n. His eyes were soft, filled with love and possessiveness. He brushed a stray lock of hair from her face, his touch gentle.

"You're mine, Y/n," he murmured, his voice low and serious. "What's mine is mine, and I need to make sure everyone knows that."

taglist

for all posts; @nepobbylver @wobblymug @xoscar03 @irishmanwhore

kinktober taglist; @cloud-55 @emryb @sie17136 @jaimeleannavanlloman @wosof1 @wholetmewritethat @glitterbitch1 @under-seasoned-pasta @sinners-98-world

[lostwords-found]

Oh no. Oh fuck. I am relistening to some of the earlier Protocol episodes, and I have a horrible, terrible, no good very bad suspicion about Gerry.

I could, I want to emphasize, be completely wrong! I could be wildly, hilariously, off the mark. But--hear me out. This is going to take some explaining about what I think is going on in the bigger picture worldbuilding stuff; hopefully it'll be coherent, but fair warning, it may get a bit long.

First: there have been a lot of cases that have boiled down to trying to keep only the "good"/desirable/etc aspects of things or events or people, and discard the "bad"/unwanted, right? We saw this happening very explicitly in episode 23 with Alesis Newman, and way back in episode 2 with Daria the painter, but a number of episodes have presented variations on a similar theme.

Two variations in particular that I've been thinking a lot about are the violinist in episode 4 and the gambler in episode 9. The violinist can play his violin beautifully, but he wants to be rid of the price in flesh and blood that it demands. Similarly, the gambler wants the rewards of rolling high on his magic dice, but wants to be rid of the misfortunes that come with rolling low. Crucially, both episodes make clear that in this type of balance--something unwanted for something wanted--you can't just make the unwanted piece vanish. It has to go somewhere, it has to happen. But you can make it happen to someone else, somewhere else. And when that's how the game works, one of the major questions for players who want to get ahead then becomes: "how do I make the bad stuff stay happening somewhere else, and keep reaping the benefits of the good stuff that balances it out?"

Here's where this gets wildly speculative and from here on I freely acknowledge that I may be talking out my ass:

I think the Magnus Institute was investigating that question. I suspect a great many alchemists before the Institute, probably going back to the times of Albertus Magnus, were investigating it as well. I think the Great Work they were attempting -- the "universal transmutation" alluded to in episode 21 as the Magnus Institute's aim -- was the exact opposite of Jonah Magnus's own "Great Work" in TMA. In other words, I think they were probably trying to make the world an eternal paradise, rather than an eternal hell.

But if you're getting rid of all the "bad" stuff, all the suffering and misfortune, it's got to go somewhere.

I think they were sending it through to other worlds.

I'm not going to get into all the reasons I think that right now, because that's a whole essay in itself, but basically--the Leitners in TMA? The artifacts? All the little bits and pieces of evil given physical form, that never had a clear origin point in the world where they caused so much suffering for so long? We've all been worried about them winding up here, post-Archives... but I think this is where they came from in the first place. I think they were sent away in the hopes that an increase in "bad" in other worlds would lead to an increase in "good" in this one. Remember all those books Albrecht von Closen found in the tomb in the Black Forest in TMA, that Jonah Magnus later stole and let loose on the world? Remember that Albrecht found a mysterious coin along with them dated 1279? Albertus Magnus died in 1280; I strongly suspect he sent those books from the world of Protocol to that of Archives shortly before his death, much as the world of Archives sent the tapes away centuries later. But I think Protocol's world kept sending things away, kept trying to export "bad" and import "good". Remember all those happy, laughing volunteers bringing strange and sinister items to the charity shop on Hill Top Road in episode 7? "All for a good cause."

Okay so. Now. With that bit of hypothetical framework for Protocol's worldbuilding in place, let's next go back to Alesis Newman of episode 23. Her expressed wish is to create a new her. "Someone better. Someone the pain can't touch." Someone who can be everything Alesis wishes she could have been. Someone "free of all (her) mistakes."

But increasingly it sounds like what she actually wants isn't to create someone new. It is to create someone who is only a part of her current self. Someone who, she says in one of her last few posts, will "just be the good parts of me."

And if that's the case, if what she's really trying to do is make someone who holds only the "good" parts of her, someone who can be happy and strong and perfect and loved by everyone forever... what happens to the bad parts of Alesis Newman, as she currently exists? What about the parts of her that feel pain and fear, the parts of her that make mistakes, the parts of her that she rejects?

One might assume, from the experience she narrates, that those pieces of her are simply being destroyed. But that doesn't line up with the suggestion we've seen from earlier episodes that there has to be some kind of balance maintained in these bargains. What she actually says is happening to her--and what the forum members have apparently told her will happen, through this process--is that she and this "new her" are "becoming one... and then two."

I don't think the "bad" parts of Alesis Newman are dying. I think they're also going to become a "new her"--they're just going to go somewhere else, somewhere the new, happy, strong, perfect version of Alesis Newman never has to see them.

Still with me?

Okay.

Now let's talk about Gerry. Let's talk about the smiling, laughing, irrepressibly happy Gerry Keay we meet early in Protocol. Gerry who seems to have everything that the Gerry Keay of Archives was denied.

Gerry who underwent tests at the Magnus Institute as a child, and who, per the static over his and "Gee Gee's" words, holds a few more secrets about what went on there than he let on to Sam and Celia.

Back when I first heard Gerry's appearance in episode 8, it sure felt like a narrative gut punch: This is who he could have been in Archives, if not for the presence of the Fears. This is what Jon and Martin's final decision threatens to destroy--for this safe, happy version of Gerry, and for everyone else in his world.

I'm now suspecting it might be significantly worse than that. I think the Magnus Institute might have done to Gerry Keay something similar to what Alesis Newman later did to herself: made him New. Kept only the good parts--ensured a happy, comfortable, good life for him. In which case, all the bad stuff--all the parts of Gerry Keay that would ever have to suffer from bad luck, to feel pain and fear and misery...

...well. They'd have had to go... somewhere else, wouldn't they.

Which would suggest I had the causality the wrong way around the first time I heard Gerry's appearance in Protocol: maybe it's not "Gerry has a happy life in this world because he didn't have to suffer everything that the Gerry Keay of Archives did."

Maybe it's "Gerry in Archives had to suffer everything he did because Gerry in Protocol was made to always be happy."