#hopefully it will be fixed eventually
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Be careful guys!!
Guuyss, warning!!
This tag is NOT safe, be careful when following it, it has bad stuff!!
#i use this tag on most of my posts but it's super not safe right now#hopefully it will be fixed eventually#but for now i don't recommend checking it#stay safe out there#<3#Pip's barks
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they have this conversation at least once a week
#fields of mistria#fom march#fom#fom olric#olric is weirdly blurry but i dont care enough to fix it#i do want to draw this eventually but im lazy right now#do you see my vision#hopefully gonna start posting more
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don't you forget about me (steddie fic)
saw this post and was inspired to write something angsty <3
The first thing Eddie is aware of when he wakes up, before he even opens his eyes, is the dull, aching pain throbbing through pretty much his entire body. The second thing he’s aware of is that someone is holding his hand.
“Eddie?” The hand in his tightens its grip as Eddie begins to stir; the voice it presumably belongs to sounds immeasurably relieved, yet only vaguely familiar.
Eddie groans. His eyelids flutter, blinking awake, and he groggily rolls his head to the side to get a look at whoever had spoken.
The voice sighs again, “Oh thank god-”
“Harrington?” Eddie’s eyes fly open wide now as they land on the mystery man sitting beside him on the edge of the bed - a man he most definitely is not close enough with to be holding his hand, and a bed that is most definitely not his own. He snatches his hand away. “What the hell are you doing? Where am I?”
“Ed-” Another man’s voice, this one just as relieved and infinitely more familiar. It fills Eddie with relief too as he looks to his other side to find his uncle Wayne rising from a nearby chair to come up next to him.
“Wayne, what-?” His surroundings are becoming more clear. “What happened? Why am I in a hospital? And why the fuck is King Steve at my bedside?” Eddie tries to sit up only to gasp and wince in pain as the dull ache in his sides sharpens to near agony at the movement.
“Take it easy, son.” Wayne’s hand lands on his shoulder, gently but firmly pushing him back down onto the pillows. “You were hurt real bad.”
“Yeah, I got that,” Eddie grumbles out. He sucks in a deep, intentional breath and exhales slowly, the pain beginning to dull again now that he’s settled. His questions are still largely unanswered, though. Blank mind reaching desperately for any logical piece to this bizarre puzzle, he turns an accusing glare to Harrington. “Did you land me in here? Is that why you’re here, some sort of weird guilt thing?”
Harrington’s looking at him like a kicked puppy. “What? No, I-” he falters, takes a shaky breath and swallows painfully like he’s trying not to cry. “You don’t remember?”
“I don’t remember what? Will someone just tell me what happened?” Eddie’s confusion is rising more and more into agitation with every second he remains without an explanation.
“What’s the last thing you remember?” Harrington asks quietly.
“I was driving home from school, just found out I wasn’t gonna graduate again.” Eddie frowns as he thinks back, still trying to put pieces together. “Did I crash my car? Is that it? I was emotional and not paying attention and got into an accident?”
Yet again, he receives no answers.
“Eddie, what month is it?” Wayne asks instead, his tone dangerously measured and serious. “What year?”
“May…” Eddie says warily, “1985.”
His words hold a weight he doesn’t understand, landing heavy on the others in the room and thickening the air. It sends a chill of dread down his spine, the way his answer etches concern deep into the lines of Wayne’s face, the way Steve Harrington seems to take it like a blow to the chest.
Harrington exhales sharply as if he’s been punched, standing abruptly and taking a few stumbling steps back. Wayne says, “It’s April of ‘86, Ed.”
Eddie’s blood runs cold. “No. No, it can’t be.”
“I’m gonna go tell the nurse you’re awake,” Harrington mumbles, his voice strained and his eyes glassy with barely held-back tears.
“I’ll go,” Wayne offers, pushing himself away from Eddie’s bed. He gives Harrington a meaningful look, though what that meaning is, Eddie can’t decipher.
Harrington turns his devastated gaze to the older man. “But, Wayne, he doesn’t-”
“I know, kid.” Wayne gives a sad smile and places a sympathetic hand on Harrington’s shoulder as he passes by. “Just talk to him.”
Eddie is thrown off by this familiarity between them. Since when were those two close? He feels like he’s entered some sort of parallel universe where everything is just ever so slightly wrong. It leaves an itch beneath his skin, uncomfortable and out of place, like he no longer quite fits in his own body, in his own life. He’s lost 11 months, apparently, and this world is no longer his; he doesn’t know where he fits into it anymore.
Wayne leaves the room, and Eddie wants to protest: Don’t leave me here with this guy I don’t know in this time I don’t know, please, you’re the only thing that feels safe and familiar! Anxiety is crawling through him like a thousand tiny bugs in his veins. He wants to scream, he wants to cry, he wants to run. Anything to shake this feeling loose. But he’s confined to this bed, trapped both by his pain and by all these machines he’s hooked up to, and he sure as shit isn’t going to have a breakdown in front of Steve goddamn Harrington.
Instead, Eddie resigns himself to this situation and casts a sideways glance at Harrington who very much looks like he’s also trying not to have a breakdown. “I’m freaking out, man,” Eddie says finally, hating how shaky and pathetic his voice sounds. “I swear to god, Harrington, if you don’t tell me what the hell is going on…”
Harrington worries his lip between his teeth as he hesitates. “It’s a lot to explain.”
“Yeah, I bet,” Eddie scoffs out a humorless laugh. “I’m missing nearly an entire year, of course it’s a lot to fill in. Unless I’ve been here this whole time?”
“No.” Harrington shakes his head. “No, you’ve only been here about a week. I- I don’t know why you’re missing so much time, the whole Vecna thing only started like a week before that-”
“Vecna?” Eddie interrupts to question. “What does any of this have to do with the D&D campaign I was planning? And, also, how the fuck do you know about that?”
Harrington closes his eyes for a second and takes a breath, like having this conversation is the most painful thing he’s ever had to do. “I’m not talking about D&D, Ed. Vecna was a real-life monster from a real-life alternate dimension we called the Upside-Down. The kids only called him Vecna because we didn’t know who he was at the time and he, like, cursed people before he killed them, but he was actually Henry Creel, which is a whole other fucked up story.”
“Okay…” Eddie doesn’t know who ‘the kids’ are and he’s skeptical of the way Harrington talks so factually about monsters and dimensions and curses existing in the real world, but he does remember his uncle telling him stories about the demonic tragedy of the Creel family, which is the only thing that makes any of this even halfway believable. It still doesn’t explain how Eddie wound up in the hospital with his entire body feeling like it’d been run through a blender, though, or why the former king of Hawkin’s High was hovering over his sickbed. He gestures for Harrington to continue.
“I never wanted you to get involved in all this Upside-Down shit,” Harrington’s voice breaks. He steps closer to Eddie’s bed again, and he looks so so sad as he stares down at him that it makes Eddie’s own heart ache, just a little bit. Harrington’s hand twitches at his side as if he means to reach out for Eddie but then thinks better of it, running the hand through his hair instead as he continues, “I tried to keep you from it for so long, I really did, but then Vecna killed Chrissy in your trailer and the whole town blamed you and you were just a part of things then, there was no getting around it. You helped us fight him - Vecna. You kept his army of bats off our ass while we weakened his body and El weakened his mind. If it weren’t for you we never would’ve defeated him and we certainly wouldn’t have all made it out alive.” Harrington’s gaze softens, as does his voice, his next words almost a whisper, “You were a hero, Eddie.”
“That doesn’t sound like me,” Eddie says, like that’s the least plausible part of Harrington’s story. And, really, it is. He can wrap his mind around a lot of things: a murder in his trailer - sure, Forest Hills always was a shady place; the whole town accusing him of being a killer - yeah, of course, that tracks; even an evil wizard from another dimension with an army of bats - fine, okay, why the hell not. But Eddie Munson is no hero, and he’s definitely not any sort of fighter either.
“No, you never did think so, did you?” Harrington mutters with a sad sort of fondness and the barest trace of a wistful smile. “But it’s true. Dustin was in danger and you didn’t even think twice. You ran right into the fray without a second thought, sacrificed yourself so that the rest of us might survive. Those bats nearly killed you, b-” he breaks, choking on whatever word he was going to say. His eyes swim with yet more unshed tears. “I almost thought they had killed you, you know. I thought you were dead when I carried you out of the Upside-Down,” he admits shakily, choked up and barely managed, “and even when I brought you here and you were stable, I was still so scared you wouldn’t wake up…”
Eddie doesn’t know how to react to any of that information or to such a display of emotion. His own hands twitch now with the urge to reach out and comfort him, but he too denies that instinct. He tries for humor instead, something lighter, cracking a grin and teasing, “Aw, Stevie, I didn’t know you cared.”
Harrington makes a sound halfway between a sob and a laugh. “Oh, Ed, you have no idea.”
“We were friends then, weren’t we?” Eddie guesses now, carefully. It’s rapidly becoming the only possible explanation for the guy’s behavior around him. “Before all the Vecna stuff?”
“Yeah,” Harrington manages, forcing a small, sad smile as his eyes finally overflow and streak his cheeks with tears. “Yeah, we were good friends.”
~
Wayne reenters the room then with a nurse in tow, and Steve quickly turns away and rubs his hands over his face. He needs to pull himself together; he can’t break down right now, not yet, not here.
He listens, distantly, as the nurse asks Eddie a bunch of questions and then tells the rest of them that she needs to take him in for some tests to determine the cause and prognosis of Eddie’s amnesia. He watches, numbly, as she wheels Eddie’s entire bed out of the room.
Steve can barely hear, barely see, his emotion clouding his eyes and roaring in his ears. He stares blankly through the open doorway and struggles to swallow down the ever-rising lump in his throat.
Wayne’s voice rumbles from somewhere beside him, but he can’t quite make out the words. “What?”
“I’ll take that as a no, then,” Wayne says, the sound reaching Steve’s ears a little clearer now. “I asked if you were alright.”
Steve shakes his head. His voice comes out coarse and raw, “‘Course I’m not alright.”
“Right, ‘course you’re not,” Wayne echoes. He follows Steve’s mournful gaze to the door Eddie had disappeared through. “What did you tell him?”
“Told him he was a hero,” Steve croaks, “...and that we were good friends.”
“Ah…” Steve’s vision is so blurred behind a thick layer of tears he can’t see the sympathetic frown on the old man’s face, but he knows it’s there. “At least he’s alive, kid,” Wayne tries to be comforting. “You can always start over.”
“Yeah, I know, but I don’t- I don’t want to start over, I just want-” Steve chokes back a sob. He just wants Eddie.
It’s a horrible thought, but Steve almost thinks that this just might be worse than if Eddie really had died… Because how is Steve supposed to handle the fact that his boyfriend of 9 months no longer knows him? How is he supposed to cope now that the love of his life looks right at him and no longer sees him?
He closes his eyes, presses the heels of his palms into his eyelids, inhaling a shaky breath and exhaling an even shakier sigh. Steve whispers, “It feels like I’m losing him all over again.”
(part two is here!)
(also on ao3)
#i have plans to fix it don't worry. eventually. maybe#i'm really really bad at writing longer multi-part fics but i've got a lot of ideas spinning around my head for this one so#hopefully i will continue it if any of y'all are interested in more of this#steddie#steddie angst#steddie fic#steddie ficlet#eddie munson#steve harrington#stranger things#ficlet#fanfic#mine#1k#dyfamsteddiefic#<- tag to follow for this story
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Pt 2 and the final part of LL Megatrons conversation with an aware G1 Starscream
this one wasn’t as dramatic as the first part but there’s only so much emotional vulnerability Screamer can do with his new free will heheh, thanks for all of the comments encouraging me! I’ve never drawn longer comics like these before and it’s pretty fun so hopefully I can improve with the next comic I make!
#Starscream doesn’t completely trust Megatron at the end of this comic but he will eventually#if he was that possessive over og Megatron he’s NEVER letting this one leave#btw that decepticon logo on Megatron is actually just stickers#if it gets damaged he sticks another one on#he’s kinda attached to his autobot badge cause it’s the only thing he has other then his weapons from his og world#he gets them commissioned on Etsy because they need to be so big and it’s been draining the decepticon budget for a month#or whatever the 80s version of Etsy is#starscream finally makes him an official badge and he finally lets go of the autobot one#he still keeps it somewhere#transformers#transformers lost light#megatron x starscream#transformers fanart#transformers g1#starscream#megascream#megatron#megastar#edit: I fixed a grammar mistake hopefully no one saw that#OK THERE WAS A COUPLE OF TYPOS WHOOPS I’m not used to typing on my tablet rip#i cant wait to look at this in the future and hopefully by then i would have improved#i mean this entire blog is me tracking how my robo art improves +some official content but specifically for comics#G1 x LL AU
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Me: i ❤ doomed relationship
The doomed relationship: *fulfills the "doomed" title*
Me:
#yes this is about akiangel#they HURT ME#fuck you mean aki's ponytail was foreshadowing his fate??? I'm gonna kill myself#akiangel#kawoshin#shin soukoku#lawlight#ryokira#homumado#kyosaya#there's more doomed relationships but i can't think right now#shin soukoku counts as doomed because Akutagawa had a lung disease that would eventually kill him. hopefully the vampirism fixed that#aki chainsaw man#chainsaw man#csm#angel devil#angel chainsaw man#OH MY GOD I FORGOT#vanoe#itajun#akaren#hilson
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I'm tired as hell, have this drawing of Rose I thew together in a call the other day and sorta just polished up a little so I could post it here!
#homestuck#rose lalonde#i ain't got allot of creative tags in my posts lately#hopefully i'll be able to fix that eventually#for now you get me ramblin while on one hour sleep#h
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ATEEZ "Ice On My Teeth" MV (2024)
(GIFs are mine; give credit if used)
#I knew I was gonna start making kpop gifs eventually so what better place to start 😁#There weren't that many closeups of Wooyoung and Jongho but I tried my best 😅#Also I fixed the quality issue so hopefully from here on out my gifs won't be as grainy lol#Ateez#에이티즈#ateez gifs#kpop gifs#ateez golden hour#kim hongjoong#hongjoong#park seonghwa#seonghwa#jeong yunho#yunho#kang yeosang#yeosang#choi san#san#song mingi#mingi#jung wooyoung#wooyoung#choi jongho#jongho#gifs#my gifs#gifset#gif post#kpop
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Careful Infinite, this is a one way ticket to him just putting you in the cute little white dress I did my playthrough of him in.
#sonic fanart#sth#infidget#rookinite#infinite the jackal#gadget the wolf#rookie the wolf#sonic au#minturts#I'm a bit rusty drawing cause I've been sick#still am sick but I'm working on it with doctors so hopefully it'll get fixed eventually!#decided to experiment a bit with merging the designs I've drawn in the past a bit#this is based about a year after the war in the Main AU I have#Gadget and Infinite went into hiding after the war as Infinite was super duper injured and took a year to be well enough to walk#after that they started sort of wandering around together with Gadget trying to document the damage caused by the war#Infinite mostly tagged along as he had Literally Nothing Better To Do and Gadget's willingness to forgive was probably not a universal trai#plus he felt he probably owed Gadget something and he hated the idea of OWING someone anything yep that's his excuse he's sticking with it
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it's not sinking in that today might be the last day in my house and town for many months to come
#like how do i even feel#on one hand im excited because like now that i finally agreed to dads stupid whims he technically will have to give in to things#ive been wanting since FOREVER like going to the gym#plus it's impossible to eat junk food when he's there he won't even let me kacchi maggi because maida hai bimar ho jayegi#and aadhe se zyada din toh pyaaz ye sab nahi kha sakte so it rules out any outside food#which is so good because like i just found out im pre diabetic lol#like borderline sugar like ab kuch nahi kiya toh seedha type 2 diabetes#so i need to eat healthy or ill literally die#i mean eventually but whatever being diagnosed with this in my 20s would kill me#also simply the fear of living with him is so much that i HAVE to study#and i want to now it's high time#but yeah want doesn't really work for me#i read a quote somewhere that 'goals' don't mean anything because winners and losers have the same goals#and i was like WOAH. like the person who gets an all india rank had the same goal as me: to pass the exam with good marks#but they succeeded and i didn't so it's isn't our goals that differentiate us#which ik is obvious but like still idk put things in perspective#anyway yeah that way my life MIGHT be fixed#but there's also living ALONE with my sociopathic FATHER who has more mood swings than me on pms#and being cut off frm the rest of civilisation and yk developed roads and buildings and ice cream shops#i guess it is mostly food ig :( which is good like the most junk food i can eat there is a burger from a nearby stall and that's pretty#much it they literally do not even have havmor or anything in walking distance forget scoop wali ice cream#but i like my bed and i like my ceiling with the stars and i like looking out of my window and knowing that the first ever crush of my life#lives right next to me and i like knowing that ill meet my bestfriend atleast once a month#i don't really love my mom or my brother tbh but idk maybe ill miss them it's weird ive never lived without them#i don't know i really hope that this is like a boot camp kota types experience rather than so much isolation that i sink deep into#depression. but then ive hit pretty shocking lows this year so hopefully i can handle it#my sister did say that when she lived alone with him for a month it was quite peaceful and okay because he usually gets more angry when mom#is around warna mostly he's fine#i don't know i don't know bhagwan ji please ab aur mushkil mat banana life bohot jhatke de chuke ho already ab pls#mujhe apni galtiyo ko sudharne ka mauka dena 🙏
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Blue Beetle was an excellent movie but thank god I know Spanish because otherwise I'd have missed like half the dialogue cause it just wasn't translated
#I assume that's because of the writer's strike#hopefully they fix it eventually#my mom and I were fine but my poor dad#he was able to follow the story cause they subtitled the important bits#but so much of the interactions between Jaime's family was just#not deemed important I guess?#blue beetle#blue beetle movie#blue beetle 2023#vexic lives
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hi so!!! my tumblr is still sorta broken but it turns out i can still post so!!! have a colored pencil jon from last week ^^ (moth sticker is from the John Derian sticker book)
#hopefully itll be fixed#eventually#but for now its fine i suppose#tma#the magnus archives#tma fanart#magnus pod#jon sims#jon sims fanart#mossiistars
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it’s so frickin cold today i am Living for it!!! and it’s supposed to snow on friday!! my dream!
#idk what my work schedule will be yet so hopefully i’m not trapped inside all friday but we’ll see#it’s the vibe that matters#winter!!!! finally!!#i stg i lose my mind if i don’t get a snow fix#hate that it’s so rare here#biggest reason i wanna move eventually lol#personal#not atla
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7am, eating cold leftover teriyaki stir-fry for breakfast and crying over blorbos
#normal Saturday morning behavior#redacted spoilers#redacted audio#redacted sam#Seven.txt#rp audio stuff#well. crying over one singular blorbo in particular. Sam's still got me in an emotional chokehold#and i'm too sad to even make a stupid little joke abt how i wouldn't mind if it was a physical one too. ayeee *insert sad eyebrow wiggle*#no but seriously. i have so many feelings abt him and i can't even say it all bc some of it isn't public info yet#eh fuck it i'll just draft this until the audio goes public and then i'll post it once it's no longer Exclusive Info#bc i dont wanna leak Early Access stuff but i have to get this out of my system rn and the new audio is part of what sparked these thoughts#which is funny bc i. literally haven't even listened to it yet. i'm not Ready 😭#where's that tiktok screenshot that's like. 'hyperfixation so bad that i can't even engage with the source material' bc that's me rn#like bro Sam only won the poll like. 2 or 3 days ago and Eric is Already dropping a new Sam audio?? hello? Mr. Redacted i wasn't prepared#anyways i was spoiling myself by perusing the comments last night trying to get a feel for if it's gonna be more angst or comfort#and i saw a comment that absolutely shattered me. and it reignited all my sad thoughts about Sam's eventual. uh. y'know. death.#apparently they plant a tree together or smthn in the new audio (which already has me & my beloved 10y/o orange tree feeling some kinda way#but to the individual in the comments who brought to all our minds the image of Sam sitting beneath that tree in 30 or so years time#when he's decided that he's ready to die and sits out there waiting for the sun to rise..................... 🥲#i'm gonna need u to compensate me for all of that unexpected emotional damage /j /nm#i'm Still not over what he told Darlin' while they had their talk about the future up on his roof together. that audio killed me#then yesterday i was listening to my Sam & Darlin' playlist while cleaning. and Malibu Nights by LANY came on. which i always skip bc Sad#but i let it play and just started crying. standing in the middle of the room all disheveled and holding a broom. as one does.#iirc that song is one that Eric himself said is applicable to Sam which is why/how i found it and put it on the playlist. and god. g o d#hm. i hope that wasn't Patreon exclusive info. i can't remember if it was a public post where he said that or not. hope it's okay to share#but if we can take that song as like. unofficial canon for Sam then that also confirms my idea that he used to drink to cope#which makes the opening lines of Fix What You Didn't Break by Nate Smith even more applicable. i should go edit that post actually#anyways i'm just. feeling a lot. and i love Sam very much and i don't want him to die. but i want him to do what he wants at the same time#Alexis took so fucking much from him. he deserves to live - and end - his life on his own terms. ... i think i need to go write something#*casually fishes this post out of the drafts 3 and a half days later* hi so uh. i wrote a 4k oneshot :) and will hopefully post it tomorrow
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NOW YOU CAN HAVE YOUR OWN NO WAY BACK !! (AND MORE)
@dj-wayback
Nwb (and others) has been uploaded to the workshop! thanks to @fauxbia for telling me how <3
#pinemartart#rain world#rain world downpour#rw oc#rain world oc#rw downpour#rw dms#fast gif#hopefully his shoes clipping thru poles has been fixed#he's 100 percent done#btw there is other things in there... like piv#and i will prolly add more eventually#hi faux hope you don't mind the tag. smile
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Playing Gold Road on ESO PTS. All I can say is
I can fix her; I promise.
I did fix her!
Ithelia, please come back!
#eso spoilers#elder scrolls online spoilers#gold road spoilers#then the quest bugged out and wouldn’t let me continue. already let Zos know.#hopefully they fix it. I’ve abandoned it and will try again tomorrow#wish I had my actual account on pts. bc I wanted to see the post gold road#epilogue…. but I’ll get there eventually#so far my favorite bug has been… beragon name being volatile familiar in the subtitles. (prob sorc only bug)#and tribune alea decided to ascend into the heavens instead of taking the winding path to our destination#and I don’t blame her. if the game would also let me toggle fly mode I would
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I hate panic attacks
#rant#which is to say i hate the whirlwind of specifically bad times in my life that brought them on and kept them#i hate that they trigger when i feel strong Anything#ive been trying to Dissassociate less and feel more. because feeling stuff does HELP me notice whats helping or hurting me#but like. i WISH it was about feeling joy and pleasure and excitement. maybe ill feel those eventually#but right now Any strong emotion is still ridiculously close to triggering panic attacks#im still terrified to go watch a play. because i LOVE plays and the last times ive gone for the past decade#ive had awful panic attacks because my brain clicked Love them with Intense Feeling into Panic dont breathe chest hurts Hate Urself#turns out my brain didnt just attach the trigger to fear of loud noises or fear of asking for#trigger from self hating thiught loops#it alsp clicked the trigger into: particularly notiveable romantic feelings of any kind (lile someome? have a panic attack! thatll keep u#physically incapable of getting near them! like plays! lets have you unable to breathe sobbimg hysterical so ur terrified to be trapped in#the audiience for hours! fucking hate hate hate it)#neurofeedback and emdr certainly lowered the panic attack rate per day or week to a Lesser per month situation#but im still lucky if i get thru a pa without illogivally trying to Fix it the irrational way i did when young which is hit myself#in the illogical hope if im injured enough ill be able to think again (which doesnt work its dangerous and makes the panic attack last#longer a pa just does Not let u think rationally untol its over u CANNOT try and fix it while in it and dping that makes it much worse)#if i get thru a pa without a concussion ive done much better than usual :/ i dont want any more#im so tired man. i want to go see a play!#i dont want to Try and then end up hyperventilating and crying with my brain imsisting i Need To be Dead for 2 hours#im the parking lot because it triggers when i park. or worse it triggers when i drive and i have to pull over and im trapped x place for#hours. either way i miss the play i wanted to fucking see!#i hate how panic attacks feel like a trap. not even a trap i can fight. its my own limitation. goddamn ive been fatigued ive been dying#in a hospital a few times. panic attacks feel worse to me. at least dying i can do something (eventually) to stop#altho i guess dying for hours in hospital until i got helped was similar. but ill hopefully only go thru that 1-2 more times in life#and i had like 5 panic attacks during that hospital visit since a heart rate so high like 200 cant calm down anyway
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