#hopefully it gets enough coverage

[disillusionedjudge]

((I'm going to lose my mind with work

[trippinsorrows]

looking through your eyes + thirty

authors note: had some unexpected difficulty with this one. hopefully, the enjoyable parts, are, in fact, enjoyable.

cw/tw: fluff, angst, and drama

song inspo: ‘looking through your eyes’ by leann rimes

cast+ masterlist +story playlist + taglist request form

words: 11k

“Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you?”

Solana sighs, watching the water run over her hand and the makeup sponge in the palm of said hand expand with the cascade of water that drenches it. Using her wrist to shut off the water, she starts squeezing the excess.

The distraction of applying her makeup is appreciated as it deprives and prevents her from gawking at her naked husband showering behind her. 

Solana volunteered to shower first, hence her being further along in her routine. With sexual activity off the list due to her pelvic rest restrictions, separate showers have been their go-to for the past week. At least until she’s cleared.

Something that Solana finds herself looking more and more forward to with each day that passes, because whether it be pregnancy hormones or her burning attraction to her husband, the lack of physical intimacy between them is……noticeable.

Clearing her throat, and her mind, she finally answers him. “Yes, Ro. I’m sure.” She’s only said as such at least three times now, but that’s besides the point. “I told you. I want it to be a surprise.”

Roman’s sigh is heard under the sound of running water as he moves the loofah over his shoulders. “It’s a tattoo, Solana. Don’t know how much of a surprise that sort of thing should be.”

He’s not wrong, necessarily. But, he also doesn’t know the full context, and he can’t, because it’s part of the surprise of it all. 

“We stick to the plan, Roman.” Solana uses the towel on the counter to blot dry the sponge, just for good measure, before reaching for her foundation. “You drop me off, go to your therapy session, go to Fetu’s place to get the letters, see Ava, I go see Bayley, and then we meet back up at the house later this evening.”

Simple, sweet, and easy. 

If only her husband felt the same way. 

“I told you I don’t need to go this week.”

She rolls her eyes. “Yes, you do, Ro. You didn’t go last week.”

Solana can practically feel his gaze on her through the glass doors. “Last week was a shit show, Solana. I wasn’t trying to be anywhere but with you.”

It puts a small smile on her face. Even when he’s being his usual almost harsh self, there’s still a speck of sweetness usually reserved just for her. 

“That’s even more reason to go, baby.” Especially since he made sure she didn’t miss her weekly appointment with Gail, which brings her to her next point. “I think you should go weekly like I do.”

“Weekly?” The perfect combination of horror and surprise in his voice makes her roll her eyes. Her husband can be so dramatic sometimes. “Solana, that shit is already…..uncomfortable enough, and now you want me to do it every week?”

Waiting until she’s done applying her foundation, she explains, glancing at him through the mirror. “It helps you to get to the point where you start opening up more, Roman.”

At least, that’s been Solana’s experience. Satisfied with the coverage, she hears the water shut off and moves to grab her concealer, unwilling to view the sinful sight of her husband’s nude body stepping out the shower before he can towel himself. 

“I don’t even know if she has that availability, Sol.”

And just like that, the focus is no longer on avoidance of temptation nor the blending of concealer. It’s on a single word. Solana turns around, uncaring of his nudity. “S–she?” Roman glances at her, grabbing the towel off the rack. “Your…..your therapist is….a woman?”

Roman secures the towel around his waist with a knot, as she turns back to the mirror, trying to settle herself. “Yeah.” He then asks, looking at her through that same mirror. “Is that a problem?’

“No, no. Of—of course not. I just. I—I didn’t know. That’s…..that’s all.” Solana’s answer is a concoction of stumbled words that make sense but don’t mesh well. Roman moves to stand beside her grabbing for his deodorant when he’s hit with another question. “Is—is she pretty?”

Applying said deodorant, he clarifies, “the therapist?”

“Yeah.”

Roman chuckles, finishing his application to both underarms. “I guess. Wasn’t looking at her like that. She’s not my type.”

He has to bite back a smile at the way Solana’s eyes widen when she looks at him through the mirror. “You—you have a type?”

He knows exactly what's going on now, and he also knows exactly how to handle it.

Fully immersed and dedicated to setting her up for his ‘trap,’ Roman nods. “Of course, I do.”

A part of him feels a modicum of guilt at her worried expression, even if he can tell she’s trying her best to play it up as indifference. “Wh—wh—what’s your type?”

He doesn’t say anything, just slowly moves to stand behind her, uncaring of the droplets of water that stream down his chest from his wet hair. 

“Well…….” Roman maneuvers his hands down to her legs. “I like thick thighs….” His fingers dance up to the meat of her deliciously thick thighs. “Curvy hips…..” His focus never leave her, watching every tiny, shaky breath that leaves her mouth and the way her eyes flutter from his touch. “A nice ass….” Solana’s head tilts back against his chest when he grabs and squeezes her ass cheeks before lifting his hands to her chest. “Big ass, perfect titties that fit perfectly in my hands….” Satisfaction fills him seeing how she sighs with pleasure from him gently squeezing her breast. His mouth drops to her ear, breathing with a sly smile, “and they look even better when she’s riding me.” 

“Roman,” she giggles, a blush filling her cheeks. He's partially taken back by her cheeky play into his game. “Pregnant?”

“Of course.” His hand is splayed protectively across her stomach, lips to her temple. “Mine...”

Their gazes locked through the mirror, she breathes, “yours…”

He lifts his hand, tilting her chin, craning down to capture a slow, sensual kiss. Eventually breaking it, recognizing they have to stop themselves, he reminds, “I only see you, Sol….alright?”

She nods, a soft smile on her pretty face. Content with settling her insecurities, he taps her ass and continues getting ready, acquiescing to her request. “I’ll talk with her about weekly meetings.”

“Thank you.” Her appreciation and the relief in her expression overpowers his discomfort of having to do that feelings shit once a week, but if it’ll make her happy, he’ll deal.

Because that’s all he wants.

Is to make her happy.

“I’ve been thinking….” Roman is in the midst of moisturizing his body when her quiet voice breaks their brief silence. “Remember how you told me to think about, ya know, going back to school?”

He nods. “Yes.”

She hesitates, obviously trying to find the right words. “I think….I think I want to try.” She clarifies, taking a deep breath. “I want…I want to be an RN.” Roman takes a step back, a growing proud look on his face as she continues to explain. “And, I know it probably sounds crazy, because I’m pregnant with twins, and we’re going to be parents, but I just….” she pauses, Roman detecting the emotion building. “He took so much from me. They all did, and I want it back.”

He’s not entirely certain, but he’d take a good guess that the all she’s referring to is her mother, Xavier, and Wes. Roman is unsure what to make of the sudden, potentially temporary shift Solana has made regarding her mother. Once a saint, now grouped with her abusers. It’s not his place, however, to dictate how she feels about that, because her being upset is more than valid.

Regardless of him not wanting to think about if he’d ever even met or be with his wife if she wasn’t “raised” by Xavier, the hell she went through was undeserved.

And, it didn’t need to happen. But, it did, largely because of her mother.

Her mother’s selfishness.

Solana continues to explain, almost rushed and nervous. “I wanna go for a bachelors in nursing. I could go the associates route, which would only take two years instead of four, but a bachelors in nursing is more preferred when it comes to hiring, and—”

“Solana,” he interrupts, moving back by her, gently cupping her face. “Whatever you want to do, I’ll support and help or make happen. That’s it. You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

Her voice is quiet and unsure. “You really think I can do it?”

“I know you can.” It’s an easy answer that doesn’t call for any thinking. Just a natural, obvious thing. “My only concern would be you stretching yourself too thin.”

“I thought about that,” she confesses. “Having the girls and being in school at the same time will be a lot, but….it’s what I want. I—I have to at least try.”

And, he understands that. Understands why this is important to her. Why she needs to do this. Another thing for herself. Another way to reclaim her life.

“Okay, then you’ll do it.” Curious, he asks, “are you think of starting this upcoming spring?”

She shakes her head, holding onto his waist. “No. That’s too soon. Maybe fall of next year. The girls will be a couple months old versus me being halfway through this pregnancy.” Her eyes light up, lips curving into a smile. “You know they’re due in May, right?” No, he didn’t know. Obviously, her being two months would put her due date in May, but it’s not necessarily something he thought about from this perspective. “That means you all will share a birthday month.”

Fuck.

It will.

Another thing he didn’t think of.

And something he doesn’t know how to feel about.

“That means every year when we celebrate their birthday—”

“Solana—”

“—we’re celebrating yours.”

“I don’t—”

“This isn’t up for debate, Ro.” Her counter effectively silences him, the assertiveness both surprising and sexy as fuck. “This is our family, and we’re going to do it the right way.” She hugs him, pressing herself against his now almost completely dry chest. “Think about it. You’re their daddy. They’ll probably love sharing a birthday month with you.”

Daddy

Roman doesn’t know how to feel or respond to that, to any of it outside of objection. He’s already made his thoughts and feelings about his birthday clear to his wife, and while a part of him dislikes that she’s not exactly respecting his wishes, he knows why, too. And, he can’t fault her.

It’s the same way he works to help her pull away from the grips of her trauma.

“We’ve gotta pick out which room should be their nursery, too.”

Another statement that makes sense but is also something he’s unsure of how to feel about. “Hmm?”

Solana looks up, explaining, “they should probably be in a room close to ours, ya know?” No, he doesn’t know. “And, I want to paint their rooms, but—”

“You can’t be around that shit while pregnant, Solana.” Because that much he knows. Safety. Everything else is…..questionable.

Her expression is a mixture of agreement and disappointment. “I know. Maybe after they’re born, I can do the painting and we can just wait a month or two before we……are you alright?” Solana’s shift in tone as well as her question pull Roman from the distancing he didn’t even realize was happening until she said something.

“Yes.” A bit of an automatic answer, one she clearly sees through.

“Ro….”

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes. “Just have a lot on my mind. That’s all.”

He’s partially expecting her to push, albeit gently, for him to open up and talk with her. She goes for a different, unexpected route, however. “Roman, are you sure you don’t want me to go with you?”

Asking what she’s referring to is unnecessary. He already knows. “No. I’ll be fine. Ava’s going to be there, too.” Not that he necessarily needs anyone with him, but seeing his cousin might be nice. They haven’t really spoken since their aunt’s funeral. An understandable and necessary space for both to grieve as they so chose.

“I know.” She nods, hands lifting to his shoulders, moving up and down. A soothing gesture. “I just don’t want you to feel alone in this….”

“I’m not,” he reassures, adding almost quietly. "You've made sure of that.”

Because she has. Because as he’s told her before, there’s no way he could have handled all of this without her. No way in hell. Not in a way that was remotely good, or even healthy, at least. 

“Besides.” Roman moves his hands to her hips, thumbs moving against the fabric of her robe. “You have your own things to take care of.” Things is one way to put it, Roman flipping the question onto her. “Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you?”

Her smile is soft and also reassuring. She shakes her head. “I’ll be fine, too. I’m not really nervous about telling Bayley. It’s…..it’s everyone else.”

And the telling she speaks of would be telling Bayley that they’re not just friends. They’re family. Cousins.

It’s a decision she came to after sitting down and speaking freely with him about how she wants to handle this, ultimately deciding it best to go about it in small doses. Start with Bayley. Then tackle and figure things out from there. He looks down, studying her, “you don’t think they’ll respond well?”

There’s a delayed response. “I don’t know if they’ll accept me.”

And he gets it. Gets her. Knows that feeling all too well.

“They will, Solana,” he comforts. “The way they showed up for your party, how….nice they were to you. I can’t see them not accepting you.” And, it’s the truth, just like it’s the truth that there will be hell to pay if any of those fuckers even try to reject his wife.

Fucking hell. 

—--------

There’s a part of Solana that wishes Roman was there with her. That wants him beside her as she gets her very first set of tattoos, but it’s the mere fact that it’s a set and not one, as he thinks, that is why he can't be there.

Not to mention one of the tattoos, what it is, is a surprise. A surprise just and for him. One she won’t let her anxiety ruin for her.

Especially considering she’s not alone. 

Far from it.

“I should get a tramp stamp while we’re here.”

Mickie’s voice is a welcomed break from some of the growing anxiety stirring within Solana. 

Turning to the woman behind the exclamation, setting her focus and gaze on the other two, Cam and Melina, also helps to settle Solana. It’s been a while since they’ve gathered, since they’ve been around each other, really.

Because life has just been so hectic and chaotic. Great, too. But, a lot of other things sprinkled along the way as well. And while it’s a bit difficult to not be honest with them, even about the pregnancy, Solana is grateful to be surrounded by good friends as well.

“Shut up, Mickie,” Melina dismisses, angling her body more towards Solana as they all wait in the lobby of the tattooist, Roman’s, who will be doing their tattoos today. “So, are you gonna finally tell us what’s been going on with you?”

Cam nods. “We’ve been worried.”

Solana frowns. She knows, and she feels bad for it. “I’m sorry, I know I’ve been MIA. It’s just….” She takes a deep breath. “Roman and I…..we hit a bit of a rough patch, and we’ve been trying to work through it.”

It’s a sort of lie, and a bit of the truth, namely highlighting the argument that occurred before her medical emergency. Lies and secrets that built up into an ugly climax, even if it did end up strengthening them in the long run. Still, it certainly wasn’t enjoyable in the moment.

Melina frowns. “I figured it had something to do with your marriage.”

“Did you try sitting on his face?”

“Mickie!” Cam scolds, rubbing her temples. “Sex does not fix everything.”

Mickie shrugs, defending herself and her typical antics. “It might!”

“Ignore her. We question if she’s been taking her meds as prescribed."

“Optional,” Mickie disregards. Solana makes a mental note to circle back around to that. Medication adherence is critical for the sustainability of their recovery. 

“We’re sorry,” Cam apologizes. Probably both for Mickie and also what she just shared. “Is there….is there anything we can do to help?”

No. Because there really isn’t an “issue” anymore. Sure, Solana and Roman still have things to sort and work through, but it’s nothing they can’t tackle together. “No. We’re gonna….we’re gonna get it together.”

Because they will. 

They’re already in the process of doing so.

“Well, while you guys are doing that, please don’t cut us off. Like I said, we’ve been worried about you,” Melina asks. A fair request.

Cam nods. “She’s right. Even if it’s just like….a text or emoji. We just want to make sure you’re okay.”

And Solana appreciates that. So deeply. More than they could ever know.

“I will,” she promises. “And, I was actually hoping if maybe we can see about rescheduling that girls trip?”

Surprised looks all around, Melina being the one to double check, “seriously? Even with….whatever you have going on with Roman?”

There’s a bit of guilt at making them think the situation is more than what it is, that it’s even still going on, really, but for the sake of privacy regarding the pregnancy, it’s a must.

Chewing on her bottom lip, Solana assures, “I’ll talk to him.”

Truth be told, Solana is unsure how said conversation would go. She knows that being pregnant has definitely caused Roman to tighten his grip—and her security—her gaze briefly falling to Bautista who stands by the door, surveying the perimeter. And, she understands it. She just hopes that he can understand why she still wants to do this. Feels a need to almost do it. Because once the girls are here, that’s it. They’ll definitely be limited to their ability to just and do things, so before that availability is greatly minimized, Solana wants to take advantage of this time.

And going on a girls trip with her closest friends seems like the perfect way to do so.

Mickie snorts. “You sure that overprotective man of yours won’t try to tag along?”

Melina rolls her eyes. “Like he wants to be around us.”

“But, he always wants to be around her,” Cam comments with a sly smile. “I could see him making that sacrifice.”

It’s hard for Solana to hold back her smile, a blush forming on her cheeks. “If he did come, he’d probably stay somewhere else.”

Because Solana can definitely see him wanting to tag along. Just not staying under the same roof as herself and her friends.

That seems too much forced socialization for him.

“I’ll just talk to him and see what he says,” she decides. “I really don’t think he’d say no.”

Emphasis on think.

Because again, Roman’s protectiveness since finding out about the pregnancy has definitely been kicked up a few notches. Or more.

“Well, just let us know so I can repack my suitcase,” Mickie bounces from side to side, gasping. “Wait, so we saw the design you made for our tattoos, but what’s the other one you’re getting?” 

The smile on Solana’s face could be seen from the stars. Grabbing her sketchbook from the seat beside her, she starts flipping through, seeking the one she’s excited most about.

“Let me show you...”

—---------

“You’re quiet today.”

“I was quiet last time.”

“Ehh. Debatable.”

Roman’s infamous glare is on the woman who’s lazily shuffling the abnormally large Uno cards. But, before he can follow up with a smartass comment, she hits him with an unexpected question. “What’s your earliest memory?”

The glare deepens. “What?”

Rolling her eyes, she asks again, enunciating each word. “What is your earliest memory?”

“Why is that relevan—”

“Last I checked, mental health is my specialty. I don’t tell you how to do your mafia shit, do I?” A pointed, fair question. He’ll give her that. “Now again—”

“Fine,” Roman relents, more eager to shut her up than anything. Leaning back into the sofa, he takes a minute, having to dig through a ton of shit to recover said memory. “I was young. Maybe 5 or 6. I don’t know, but I’d fallen or tripped or some shit, scraped up my knee, so I’d asked my….my mother to help me up. She said no. My dad just looked at me annoyed and walked off. They both did.”

Lita leans back in her chair as well, pausing the shuffling to ask him, “what do you make of that?”

Roman shrugs, looking away, intentionally not wanting to meet her studying stare. “Make of what?”

“Your earliest memory is that of sadness. Of not being supported and helped by the two people in your life who should have done just that.”

His response is carefully but truthfully worded. “I don’t make anything of it, because that’s just how it’s always been. I’ve always had to take care of myself.”

Because he has. Because as wonderful as Fetu was, she wasn’t always around. That just wasn't physically possible. As much as she could, sure, but there were most definitely plenty of moments where she wasn’t. Where she wasn’t there to help and support him when maybe he needed it, because she couldn’t be everything all the time. 

That’s what his parents should have been for him.

But, they weren't.

“You still feel that way?” Another unexpected question. “Like you have to take care of yourself?”

And here comes one of the many dilemmas with this therapy shit. The point is to share. He doesn’t want to share, more than that, Roman can never show his hand regarding the absolute hold Solana has on him. The depth of his love and devotion to and for her. 

It’s….dangerous, to say the least.

But, she’s also the first and only person to pop in his head at Lita’s latest probe.

Finally, he settles on a very Roman answer. “Comes with the job.”

Her smile is knowing. “Nice deflection.” A pause. “What about your wife?”

Naturally, his shoulders tense up. She’s never asked about Solana before. “What about her?”

Lita makes a face. “What’s that like? The whole arranged marriage thing.”

And just like that, his irritation is mounting. He’s here to work on him. “This shit isn’t about her.”

“Defensive.” Lita’s eyes narrow, but it’s nothing negative. More….assessing. “You’re protective of her.”

Roman finds it easy to justify his said defensiveness without giving the real reason away. “She’s my wife. It’s my job to protect her.”

Lita’s countenance is calm and inquisitive, as she asks most unexpectedly. “And who protected you?”

Silence.

“What?”

She shrugs, laying out the facts. “You protect everyone else. The Bloodline. The Cosa Nostra. Your wife. Yourself as a child. Who protected you?”

Roman can’t deny there’s a bit of a waver in his tone and expression. “I didn’t need to be protected.”

“Yes, you did,” is her calm, leveled counter. “Roman, children need to be protected. It’s the natural hierarchy of things. Young, innocent, and green, you’re not supposed to know how to navigate the world. It’s something we learn over time as we grow, but it’s as we’re growing and learning that we’re supposed to be protected when we can’t do it for ourselves. It’s what gives us that feeling of safety and security and trust, all things we should have from a very young age.” Her voice and expression soften. “You clearly didn’t have that. You didn’t get to have that, which is why you obviously struggle with it so much as an adult.”

There’s a good almost two minutes of silence as Roman is forced to sit on and allow her insight, correct and accurate, to marinate, stirring up an abundance of uncomfortable, unfamiliar emotions. 

“I’m gonna tell you something, but I swear on fucking everything, you repeat this shit to anyone, and I’ll kill you, your husband, and your three kids.” A scarily calm prelude to a confession he’s not sure just why he’s about to make. 

Regardless, he watches a brief flash of fear travel across her face before she replies just as calmly, “you have my word. Not a soul.”

Having her word doesn’t really do much for Roman. People lie on and about that shit all the time, hence him needing to make it clear what she stands to lose should she make the deadly mistake of fucking him over or betraying him. Because as much as she thinks she knows about him, he knows a hell of a lot more about her.

Leverage.

“Solana is pregnant.” A quiet, low admission followed by difficult words and a layer of vulnerability. “And, I don’t…..I don’t know how to feel about that.”

A horrible, awful thing to say aloud, especially considering the huge scare they had not even two weeks ago, but an accurate, truthful thing, nonetheless. Because in the midst of that crisis, yes, Roman was concerned about a grim outcome. Concerned what that would do to his wife, concerned about him potentially contributing in some way to said outcome. Concerned for losses of lives not even yet lived, but it’s out of that crisis, out of that danger zone, that the reality is setting in.

Partially fueled by his wife’s words this morning.

Daddy.

Father.

Parents. 

He doesn’t know shit about any of that, nor does he feel any way in particular about it.

“How do you think you should feel?” Lita asks, head tilted. 

“I don’t fucking know,” he mutters, running his hand down his face, shrugging. “What Solana’s feeling.”

“Do you experience emotions the way she does?”

An easy answer. “Hell no.”

“So not necessarily a fair comparison then, is it?” Rhetorical. And followed up with a sigh. “It’s different for women, sometimes. She’s carrying and will grow the child, thus forming a bond before the baby even arrives. You could even argue that it’ll be a bit easier for her. Regardless, whatever you feel or don’t feel is valid, Roman.”

More silence.

And vulnerability. 

“I can’t be like them,” a quiet, almost heartfelt admission. “I can’t….I can’t be like my parents.” He looks away, knee shaking and foot tapping. “They fucked me up. I can’t….I can’t fuck up my own kids.”

Lita leans forward. “You are not fucked up, Roman. Do you do fucked up things? Sure. Maybe. We all do from time to time, and let’s be honest, it’s not like you were given a fair shot. The deck was already stacked against you before you were even fucking born.” She shakes her head. “Now am I saying you’re perfectly fine and don’t need to work on anything? Hell no. It might take years to help you process the shitstorm that’s been your life, but if you’re willing to put in the work, I’m willing to walk beside you the entire way through.”

He doesn’t say anything, partially overwhelmed by all of this. This therapy shit just might be one of the hardest things he’s ever had to do.

Albeit clearly needed.

“And for what it’s worth, whether you believe me or not, I think you’re gonna make a great dad.” She shrugs again, leaning back in her chair, a small smirk on her face. “Ya know, when you’re not being an asshole.”

The latter comment is appreciated, a break from all of the heaviness of this conversation. Lita clears her throat and goes back to shuffling, asking casually. 

“Now, are we stacking today or not?”

Roman looks at her, aware of the double meaning. Pushing against preference and comfort, recognizing the importance of this, of all of this, he answers.

“Stacking.”

—---------

It’s been some time since Solana has felt this nervous. The apprehension coursing through her is about what and what when she realized she’d accidentally left Fetus’ letter and her sonogram photo in the bathroom back at the house. Ironically enough, an event that transpired and caused her to run out on the woman sitting directly across from her.

Bayley

They’re in her salon, just the two of them, sans Solana’s security who stand by the door and outside the building, surveying and monitoring.

It’s an uncomfortable silence, one that has her tapping her foot against the metal footrest of the salon chair.

And, it’s a silence that Bayley is ultimately the one to break.

“Look, Solana,” she starts off, sighing heavily. “It’s obvious something is going on with you, and I don’t want to push, but you asked to meet me, alone, and here, so I’m really hoping you can give me something.”

And she will. Solana is ready, albeit nervous, to give her more than something.

“I—I was suicidal on my wedding day.” An unexpected, shocking admission that has Bayley’s eyes widening. Solana’s head drops as she revisits that painful day. “I—I was so low. Felt so sad and confused and scared and just….empty, but I still—” Her voice cracks. “I still remember when you asked me how I wanted my makeup, and it was the first time in a long time that anyone asked me what I wanted. Gave me some autonomy in my life. You did that for me, and I will never forget it. I will never, as long as I live, forget what you did for me that day.”

A small act of kindness that truly made a difference.

Maybe even saved her life.

Bayley’s eyes are misting. “Solana….”

Sniffling, Solana grabs her sketchbook and pulls out the letter. “I have…I have been distant. I know. But, it’s not because you did anything. All you’ve ever done is support and love me when I needed it the most, and I’m so grateful. I….” Shaking hands reach over the stack of papers. “I only hope that can continue after you find out the truth.”

Bayley frowns, accepting the papers. “The truth?”

Solana nods and wipes at her eyes. “I found that letter when sorting through my journals. It’s from….from my mother.” At that, Bayley looks almost guilty.

She shakes her head, trying to hand the stack back to her. “Solana, I shouldn’t be reading this then. It’s personal.”

Calmly, Solana objects, placing a hand over Bayley’s. “Please. I….I want you to. No, I—I need you to.”

There’s still indecision, but it’s followed by a reluctant nod as Bayley’s focus shifts to the letter. 

Solana has to look away, has to focus on the beauty of Bayley’s salon. It’s been some time since she was here, but the calm, serene atmosphere hasn’t changed. It’s welcomed and needed to help soothe Solana as she waits for Bayley to learn the truth that Solana herself hasn’t quite fully processed. 

She’s starting to though, trying to gradually put the pieces together. 

Starting with Bayley.

A few minutes pass followed by a breathy, “oh my God….” Solana finally turns her gaze back on the other woman who lifts her head. “You’re….you’re my cousin?”

Solana chuckles. Knowing it is one thing. Hearing Bayley say it, acknowledge it, is something entirely different. 

“Apparently so,” Solana manages to answer with a watery chuckle. “I—”

“Your mom….was Aunt Alma?” It’s less being posed to Solana and more just a general statement bred from shock. “Holy shit, I don’t know how—this is a lot.”

“I know.” No one knows that more than Solana. “And….and I understand if you need time and/or space from me, I just—”

“Solana.” Bayley places the papers down on the counter and moves out of her chair, walking over and gently holding her hands. “Why the hell would I want or even need space from you?” She shakes her head, a genuinely warm, amenable smile on her face. “You’re mi familia, prima.”

That’s what makes her break, that shatters the damn holding up the waterworks. Solana pulls Bayley into a tight hug, both women a mixture of all the feels, tears streaming down their faces.

It’s a sustained hug that only ends as Bayley pulls back to chuckle, stating, “I can’t believe we’re really family.” It’s such a proud, happy exclamation. “We—we have to tell everyone. My dad…..Aunt Paloma.” Her eyes widen ever so slightly, as she also puts two and two together. “Wait, that makes her your—”

“My grandmother,” Solana finishes in a small voice. “I—I want to tell her too, but I—I don’t feel ready.”

“Of course.” Bayley nods, apologizing and offering. “I'm sorry. Whenever you’re ready. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to handle this on your own.”

More appreciation. An abundance. “Thank you, Bayley. I–I want to tell your parents at least, but I’m….I’m nervous.”

Bayley frowns, asking, “why?”

Her head drops, insecurity rising, “I don’t…..I don’t know how they’ll take it. If….if they’ll believe it. Believe me.”

Because as Bayley said, this is a lot to take in. A lot to process. 

A lot to believe.

“Solana, when I tell you that my parents, my family, our family, already loves you, I mean that shit. They love you, and to find out that you’re….that you’re Aunt Alma’s daughter?” Her eyes start watering all over again. “You have no idea how much closure you’re going to give so many people. How happy they’re going to be. I promise you, not only will they believe you, they’re going to love you even more than they already do. I sure as hell know I do.”

Solana’s smile deepens as Bayley wipes at her tears. “How about this? We’re having a get-together at the restaurant this Friday. Come a little early. We can tell them together, yeah?” Solana finds herself nodding, not even really needing to think about it, feeling an immense amount of comfort and appreciation.

And love.

“I—I think I’d like that.” Because having Bayley beside her will truly make a difference and help alleviate some of her anxiety. Will be a tremendous source of support and relief.

“Me too,” Bayley agrees, blotting at her eyes. “Got me crying and shit. You know I hate tears.” The two ladies share a laugh as Bayley gestures to Solana’s clavicle. “New tattoo. New family members. And a new hairstyle? You really are spreading your wings, Solana.”

Truer words have never been spoken.

Bayley clears her throat and takes a step back, moving behind Solana and playfully lifting her hair, asking, “so….” She leans down, hugging her cousin. “What are we doing today, prima?”

—---------------

“I can’t believe she’s gone.”

Roman’s gaze falls over to his cousin as she brings the beer to her lips, eyes focused on the forest before them.

Choosing to have therapy and returning to Fetu’s place to retrieve the trunk with her letters probably shouldn’t have been done on the same day, but it was a decision already made, nonetheless.

Not to mention seeing and speaking to Ava for the first time in a couple weeks is helpful in a way he didn’t expect. Even if it’s mostly just them sitting in silence while sharing a pack of beer.

He’s quiet at first, eventually agreeing. “I know.”

Ava takes another sip before smiling bitterly. “Can you imagine what she’d say if she saw us right now?”

A small smile falls on Roman’s face. “Probably cussing us out for being all soft.”

Ava laughs. “Yup.”

Because that was his aunt. She could be equally brutal as she was supportive. But, it was always with love. She led and lived her life with love.

Her own kind of love.

Ava looks over at Roman, “how you been holding up?”

An honest, fair question he’s not sure he wants to answer, but he does so regardless.

“Well enough.” It also feels like an honest, fair answer, because he truly feels out of that initial haze of guilt and grief that paralyzed him in the immediate days of Fetu’s passing. It still hurts. It’ll always hurt, but having Solana, her support, her love, has truly made a difference. “You?”

Ava’s smile doesn’t meet her eyes as she playfully nudges him. “Well enough.”

Roman shakes his head, looking away again, muttering, “she’d probably be happy we’re not trying to kill each other, at least.”

It’s not missed upon him how Ava doesn’t say anything. Not first, at least.

“Don’t speak too soon.”

Roman’s suspicious gaze falls back on her only to refocus on the sound of a running vehicle, his defenses rising and grip on the beer tightening as an SUV pulls up and into the driveway right behind his own car.

He turns to his cousin, question accusatory. “What the fuck, Ava?”

Roman places the beer down on the steps and stands up, Ava following suit as the truck comes to a stop.

He asks again, just in a different way. “What did you do?”

She lifts her chin, asserting, “we need to make this right.”

He’s understandably confused until he sees the driver and passenger doors open, two familiar faces stepping out.

Roman curses and looks away.

“Uce.” Jimmy’s solemn voice travels as he and Jey make their way towards the steps leading into the house. “We need to talk.”

“Like hell we do,” Roman dismisses. Looking back towards his cousins, his focus is on Jey.

And Jey’s focus is right back on him. 

Ava rolls her eyes. “Roman, you know Fetu wouldn’t want—”

“You shouldn’t have gotten involved,” he snaps, unapologetic. She really shouldn’t have. “This doesn’t have anything to do with you.”

“Aye,” Jimmy cuts in. “She’s family too, Roman.”

“My issue isn’t with her though,” is his immediate, sharp response. “It’s not even with you.”

“It’s me, right?” Jey finally speak, an edge and irritation to his voice. “Go on and say it. You think I was wrong for defending my pops?”

And Roman, true to Roman, doesn’t hesitate to speak his mind. “I think you’re a fucking idiot for defending someone who was clearly in the wrong.”

“Roman!” Ava scolds, grabbing his arm. “This isn’t the way to go about this.”

“Who the fuck you calling an idiot, Uce?” Jey snaps, Jimmy having to move over to his brother to restrain him. “I’m not gon’ keep letting you fucking talk to me any ole’ kind of way. This shit gon stop today.”

Roman jerks his arm from Ava’s grasp, walking down a step. “And what the fuck are you gon do, huh? You gon’ challenge me again? You know how that turns out every fucking time, Jey.”

“Would you both just calm the hell down?” Jimmy pleads, clearly exasperated. “Ya’ll both are such damn hotheads that you can’t see past your anger.” He shakes his head. “We’re better than this. We’re brothers.”

There’s something about that brothers word that triggers Roman.

Perhaps it’s the digging into his childhood in therapy earlier today or continued grief, but something about Jimmy using that word ticks him off.

Jimmy and Jey are brothers.

Jimmy, Jey, and Solo are brothers. 

Jimmy, Jey, Solo, and the rest of Rikishi’s sons are brothers. 

And that family bond/dynamic is something that can’t be mimicked or duplicated. They've been close, yes. Friends, yes. But brothers? Like them? Sure. But, actual brothers is something Roman has never really experienced since his family was killed that night.

It’s a dynamic he noticed when he lived in the Uso household following the murder of his family. Until he was twelve and Rikishi put him out, forcing him to live on his own.

Where were his brothers then?

And deep down, Roman knows Jimmy and Jey aren’t to blame for their dad’s actions, knows that they were kids too at the time. The same age as him. They were innocent.

But, they’re not kids anymore. They’re grown ass men who should be able to distinguish right from wrong. Something Roman can acknowledge Jimmy is doing. 

He can’t say the same for Jey.

Jey scoffs, shaking his head, anger rising. “Naw. This exactly who he is. Who he always been. He’s always thought he was better than us! That he the best!”

“I am the best!” Roman snaps, unable to keep his own unmanaged emotions from creeping into this intervention turned argument. “That’s all I know! That’s all I’ve ever known! Is to be the best!” A confession coming from a place much deeper than the three before them could probably ever realize. 

Or, maybe not.

Ava’s voice shifts into something softer. “Roman….”

“None of ya’ll could ever fucking understand what that’s like! To have to always be fucking perfect, cause none of you could ever do what I fucking do! What I've been forced to do!”

A surprised, almost sympathetic expression on Jimmy as he tries to step forward. “Roman, we not trying—”

“Man! Listen to him!” Jey’s expression, however, is anything but shocked or sympathetic. It’s just a continuing, growing thing of anger. “Man, you got your head so far up your ass you can’t even see or think straight! You not God, Roman. The world don’t fucking stop and end with you just cause you the Tribal Chief, and you not above our rules and ways.” A scoff followed up with a dangerous inclusion. “And neither is Solana.”

Roman pauses. A shift. “What the hell did you just say?”

Jimmy attempts to intercede. “Jey, that’s enough.”

“Pops was wrong, yes, but Solana was wrong, too, and the fact that you can’t see that is what’s so messed up. That you can’t see why you was wrong is messed up.” Jey continues, the anger simmering into something slightly more manageable. “I love Solana like a sister, but that don’t mean I can’t hold her accountable—”

“Accountable?” Roman interrupts, fist forming at his side. “Your dad tried to hit my wife, and you talking about some fucking accountability?”

“What?” Ava gasps, turning to Jimmy and Jey. “Ya’ll didn’t tell me that! You just said—”

“They said what they wanted you to know,” Roman cuts off, hoping Ava realizes just why she shouldn’t have interjected herself.

Family or no family. 

“Ya’ll, we not getting nowhere.” Jimmy runs his hand over his face. “Can we please just sit down—”

“Why?” Jey scoffs, breaking away. “He don’t want—”

“I don’t have a damn thing to say to him,” Roman does them both a favor, saying what they’re both feeling. “To either of ya’ll.”

Because while a part of him understands what Jimmy is trying to do, the focus should be less on a conversation with the three of them and more on a conversation with his twin who seems completely beyond rationality at this point. 

“Fuck you, Roman!” Jey’s outburst is unsurprising, the traces of the hothead lying dormant revealing itself. He always knew it wasn’t completely settled. He just didn’t know it would return for something like this. “I’m done with all this shit!”

The feeling is fucking mutual. Roman turns to head back into the house, ignoring the call of Ava who fails in her efforts to get him to stay. 

Running her hands through her hair, she turns her focus to the twins, fully prepared to snap on them for not giving her the entire picture when she sees an irate Jey is heading to the car and a defeated Jimmy going to the passenger side.

“.....Fuck him!” Another enraged outburst as Jey slides into the passenger seat. “I hope he get exactly what he deserve!”

The door slamming accompanies the frown on Ava’s face.

Just what is that supposed to mean?

—-----------------

The drive back home is a long, quiet, heavy one. Roman’s grip on the steering wheel is relentless almost the entire time, his knuckles practically white.

He’s pissed at Ava. Pissed at her involvement. Pissed at Jimmy. Pissed at his misdirected focus. And pissed at Jey for all the things but one thing more than the rest.

Solana.

The fact that Jey is using Solana as a scapegoat. That he’s using Solana and the situation with Rikishi as an excuse for what his anger is really about and towards. It’s towards him. Jey is upset with Roman, but he’s using Solana as the face of that anger, and that irks Roman more than anything.

Because he knows damn well Jey’s prideful ass is still upset about what went down at Solana’s party, which could also be another reason he keeps pulling the Solana card. Perhaps there is some anger there towards Solana.

His grip tightens.

That only further incenses him. 

Solana didn’t do anything fucking wrong, and the fact that Jey refuses to acknowledge that shows just how deep this shit goes. 

Reveals that the incident at her party only helped to revive what was never really dead.

Indicates that perhaps this needs to be handled the same way it was handled before. 

Tribal Combat.

Before, it was for the ula fala, and Roman doubts that’s what Jey wants. Not that he could handle it, even if he tried. But, Tribal Combat doesn’t have to be for the mantle. It can be for many other things, including settling scores.

And, it seems there’s certainly a growing score to settle with his cousin.

Finally arriving home, Roman does his best to leave the weight of his day with him outside before he steps foot into the house, because he doesn’t know what kind of day his wife has had, either. Intermittent check up via texts would indicate her day went fine, but he also indicated that his day went fine, which couldn’t be farthest from the truth. Regardless, his pregnant wife doesn’t need anything else put on her, especially not all of his muddy shit.

So a deep breath is taken as he turns the knob and steps foot into his home, immediately hit with a delicious and familiar scent. He can’t name it, but he knows it. One of his favorite dishes prepared by his wife. A welcomed, helpful thing for a heavy soul.

“Baby, is that you?”

Solana’s voice is clearly coming from the kitchen, a small smile on his face. Just the sound of her voice is enough to evoke pleasant emotions.

The hold she has on him truly is dangerous.

“Yeah, it’s me,” he shouts, barely able to take another step when she yells again, voice more urgent.

“Wait!” He does, his smile shifting. “Don’t come in yet! It’s a surprise!” Roman rolls his eyes, more from amusement than irritation. “Close your eyes!”

A small sigh. “Solana, you know I don’t—”

“No arguing!” She cuts him off, the determination making him chuckle. “Close em;!”

Well, this is certainly unexpected but slightly appreciated as it helps to ebb away the stress and tension that’s had him weighed down, literally and metaphorically, for most of the day. 

Solana knows good and well he doesn’t like surprises, but what he hates more is upsetting his wife. So, he obliges. 

“Alright, they’re closed,” he informs.

“You promise?”

Another small smile. “I promise.”

Roman feels slightly bad for keeping his sweet, naive wife out of the loop regarding just how effective his training has been over the many years. Because he absolutely can hear the moment she starts walking from the kitchen, through the living room, to the front door. Partially betrayed by her heels, a little by her sweet perfume that travels with her, but also his excellent senses.

As he is also very aware that she’s facing him, standing right before him, waving her hand in front of his face to ensure his eyes are really shut. But, he won’t spoil that for her.

“Okay.” She takes his hands, starting to gently tug him forward. “Just….just follow me.”

And, he will. Wherever she goes. Always.

The small smile is stapled on his face as she asks along the way if he’s looking or “peeking,” to which his answer is a simple no. But, it’s humorous to him how he can just see the nervous expression on his wife’s pretty face, the way she’s chewing down on her bottom lip, probably unsure of his veracity. 

He helps her a bit as she directs him to sit down, most likely at his seat at the head of their dining room table. Solana moves her hands to cover his eyes, explaining, “okay, you can open but keep your eyes forward and on the table. Don’t look at me.”

That dims his smile a bit. “Solana—” 

Her lips, soft and full, are pressed against his cheek before she shifts, dropping her hands to clearly to stand behind him. “Trust me.”

A difficult yet easy thing to do. One of the many contradictions he finds himself navigating these days. “Alright.”

Her giggle soothes him just a bit more. “Okay, open…..now!”

He doesn’t need to be told twice. 

And, he does, immediately taken back by the extent of what he sees. He knew she cooked, could tell by the aroma the minute he walked into the door, but he just didn’t know how much she cooked.

“Holy shit,” he breathes. Roman’s eyes jump from dish to dish, the table completely covered with various items.

“I made all your favorites,” Solana explains in the sweetest, most her voice, still behind him. “Chicken Flautas. Sausage and Rice Skillet. Chicken Birria Tacos. Fajitas. Enchiladas. Desserts too, of course. Tres Leches Cake. Sopaipillas.” It seems like the list is endless, Roman’s appreciation growing with each item she lists.

“Sol, you didn’t have to do all this.”

She really didn't. He’s forever appreciative, more than willing to consume the whole damn table if he could, but he’ll always prefer her taking it easy over anything. “You should be re—”

“Baby, I am. But, being on pelvic rest doesn’t mean I can’t do all the things I enjoy. Like cooking. Besides, I wanted to do something nice for you….” It takes a lot of restraint for him to not look at her as she moves her hands to his shoulders and kisses the top of his head. “Plus….it might…it might lessen the blow if you don’t….if you don’t like them.”

Another confused expression. “Them?”

Roman hears the deep breath she takes followed by a shift from behind to beside. Bypassing the previous instructions, Roman finally lands his gaze on his wife after a day of absence.

And what a sight.

“Solana….”

It’s hard for his brain and eyes to work together on what the focus on first. The sexy red dress low cut by the chest, accented with a black bow that accentuates her ample cleavage and something else. But, that’s battled with the difficulty he has in also not focusing on her hair that’s jet black at the roots, fading down into an almost dark red. Still the same length, just a new color combo.

Bloodline colors.

Solana biting on her bottom lip briefly pulls him from his alternating focus. “I know it’s a lot…” Her fingers go to her hair, blood red locks intertwined in her fingers. “I’ve always wanted to dye my hair red, but I didn’t know if all red would look good on me, so Bayley suggested—”

“You look beautiful, Solana,” he cuts in, unable to stop himself from angling his body so that he can pull her between his spread thighs. “You always look beautiful, but this….”

A hopeful, nervous inquiry. “Do you like it?”

“I love it,” he breathes, having to work hard to redirect his focus to the other new change. Right by her clavicle on the left side of her body, covered with Saniderm is fresh ink. 

siempRe tú  

All black and lower cased letters with the exception of the ‘R’ that’s uppercase and blood red.

He has an idea, but not the specifics. “Solana….”

Her smile is warm and bashful. “It means ‘always you’ in Spanish.” She angles her head down, hand carefully placed around the perimeter of it. “The ‘R’ is for you. For Roman. That’s why it’s in red.” His gaze darts to hers, locked in, intense, meaningful. “Because it’ll always be you, Ro. Always and forever.”

It’s a lot to take in. He knew she was getting a tattoo, knew that it was on her list of things that she wanted to do, but he was under the impression she was getting a mental health themed tattoo. Hence her and her new friend group going together, as they were all planning to get one.

But this…

“You got a tattoo for me?” 

Loving him is one thing, being with him is one thing, but putting something permanent on her body for him is something entirely different. 

She nods, moving her hand to his face, gently stroking his beard. “I did. And the truth is I wanted your full name, but I don’t know if that would be…safe. If it would give away the truth of our relationship….”

She’s not entirely wrong. But, he himself doesn’t know just how he would feel about that. 

Undeserving.

He ghosts his hand along the edge of the Saniderm, chuckling in disbelief. “It looks amazing.”

Her smile is bright and appreciative. “Thank you.” Solana moves her hands to the bottom of her dress. “I designed them both myself.”

And yet another frown. “Both?”

It’s in her lifting her dress and turning to the side, Roman puts together what Solana was referring to when she said them earlier. 

The new hair.

The new tattoo.

The other new tattoo. 

Because inked on her side is yet another new piece of artwork. The word breathe, except the ‘B’ is actually a butterfly whose body is made up of a semicolon. Once again, Roman’s hand is near her soft skin, Solana explaining, “this is the one we all got together.”

And, he can understand why, Solana having explained to him the symbolism behind a semicolon for people with mental health struggles.

People like herself. 

"It looks amazing, Solana." Because it does, and the fact that she designed both herself just makes it even better.

Her smile is warm and loving. "Thank you." It shifts though, quickly almost, into something slightly solemn. “Ro….” There’s persistent and consistent difficulty in not getting so caught up and consumed in all the things stirring within him at all of these unexpected things, but it’s helped by her continued explanations. “Do you remember….when I was in the hospital and you asked about the butterflies on my wrist? What the other three were?”

“Yeah.” A quiet answer as she moves herself onto his lap, her hands on his chest. 

Her smile shifts once more into something still slightly sad yet proud. “One was for Dulce, and the other two….they were for Lina and Leya.”

Another bombshell that has him speechless, an effect hardly seen, if ever, in the Head of the Table.

“I first started to have the dreams when I was in the hospital, and…..and I didn’t know then that they would actually be coming, of course, but….but just the idea of them….it made a difference.” She swallows, wiping her eyes as a lone tear escapes. “So, I want to get the butterflies as tattoos, but I want you to be there with me for that.”

Roman nods, understanding why she didn’t want him around for this round. Because of the first tattoo, because she clearly wanted it to be a surprise, and a surprise it certainly is. 

"Of course, I'll go with you."

Partially because he too wants to follow her lead.

Wants to get a tattoo for her.

But, he has time to figure that out.

And, he will figure it out.

Solana kisses his cheek, mumbling a 'thank you,' asking once more. “So you really do like them?”

Her nervous question evokes a small sigh as he brings his hand back to her cheek. “I love them.” An honest answer, as he also tips over the edge of comfortably. “I—I don’t know how I feel about the tattoo for me, not because I don’t like it, but because it’s so permanent. You putting me on your body like that….”

“It’s what I wanted,” she reassures. Her voice is firm and unwavering. “I love you, Roman. I’ll always love you.”

But, I don’t deserve it.

Thoughts that float through his head. Thoughts that should be shared, and he will. As uncomfortable as it is, he promised Solana he’d try to be more open with her.

But, not tonight. Not when she’s had a seemingly nice day and has gone above and beyond for him. They can have that. Have tonight. He’ll give her that much. 

She stands up and kisses his forehead. “Come on. The food is getting cold.”

Dinner is shared amongst the two of them, conversation sprinkled throughout a bit of overindulgence on Roman’s part, an extended gym session in his near future but so worth it. 

Always worth it. 

Naturally, he helps her put away what’s left over, not much, and clean up the kitchen before he guides them into the living room. On the sofa, her body leaned back into his, his arm protectively around her, the other lax on the top of the sofa. Dulce sleeps comfortably on the loveseat opposite them, also full and content from her homemade dog friendly dinner. 

“You wanna tell me how your day really went.” Not a question. More an option. A knowing he should not have put past her. She’s learned him too well.

His mate in every sense of the word. Whether he feels deserving of her or not.

Sighing, he kisses the top of her head. “Not really.”

Her fingers dance gently across the top of his hand. “Roman….”

He knows where this is going, can see it a mile away, and while his preference is to put it off for tomorrow, he knows it’s all inevitable. “Ava….Ava arranged a meeting between me and the twins.”

Solana looks up, eyes full of curiosity, “did you know?”

He shakes his head. “No.” Because, if he did, he would have never gone. “It didn’t go well.”

“Ro…”

“Not even Jimmy, as much as Jey. It feels like…..like we’re in our twenties all over again, and he’s trying me. I thought we were past this shit, but clearly not. He thinks I'm in the wrong with the whole Rikishi situation.” And before she can even ask, he answers, unapologetic. “I told him to fuck off.”

She sighs against him. “Roman, it’s….I don’t want that to get between you two.”

“It shouldn’t,” he agrees. “But, it’s also deeper than that one situation. I think Jey’s probably been feeling some sort of way for a while, and this situation along with your party just broke the camel’s back. Regardless, I’m not changing my mind. He’s wrong, and that’s just that.”

“He’s your family, Roman.”

“That doesn’t mean shit, Solana, and you know it.” She of all people should know that. “His loyalty is clearly to his father, and that’s fine, but right is right and wrong is wrong. He’s wrong, and Rikishi was dead wrong, too. Whether they wanna see and/or acknowledge that is on them.”

She doesn’t say anything, continuing to look up at him, eventually asking in a small voice, “so what does that mean for ya’ll?”

His answer is honest. “I don’t know.” 

Because, he doesn’t. This isn’t like when they were still kids, for all intents and purposes. They’re grown men and should be able to handle it as such, but Jey seems incapable of that, consumed and controlled by his emotions. And, Roman doesn’t have time to deal with that shit. Nor a desire to. Jey is going to have to work through his shit before they can even attempt to attack this again. 

Or, as he was thinking earlier, they lay it out in the ring.

Tribal Combat.

Solana, however, doesn't need to know that part. Not yet. If it becomes a sure thing, he'll share it. For now though, it stays with him.

“But, it’s not a priority right now.” Or much of a concern, really. Not compared to everything else he has going on. “You’re my priority.” Navigating this pregnancy is a priority. Not Jey being in his fucking feelings over stupid shit.

“I don’t like this.” Roman can admit, at least to himself, that he doesn’t, either. But, it is what it is. And, he voices as such.

“We just have to see how it plays out.” However and whatever that may be. “How did it go with Bayley?”

The corner of her lip lifts into a half, sad smile. “Are you trying to change the subject?”

Possibly. “Trying to see how my wife’s day was.”

Solana rolls her eyes, thankfully, agreeing to the transition. “It….went good. She….she was happy.” 

“Yeah?”

Nodding, Solana chews on her bottom lip, sharing in a soft voice. “Surprised, of course. But….she didn’t question it. Didn’t seem like she wanted like….proof or something.”

“The proof is in the letter, Sol.”

“I know. I know. I just….I think I was nervous she would….” Solana shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter. She’s happy that we’re literally family and even offered to help me tell everyone else.”

Roman nods, happy for his wife. Happy that it went over well, though he had little doubt it would. Regardless of whatever unprocessed feelings still linger towards Bayley, deep down, he truly does trust she loves Solana. As a friend first. Now as family.

“So when is that supposed to happen?” 

“This week.” The answer surprises him a bit. He wasn’t expecting that so soon. Regardless, if it’s what she wants, good for her on going for it. “Which brings me to a question….a favor I need from you.”

“Baby, how many times I gotta tell you doing things for you is never a favor? It’s my job as your husband.”

Solana chews on her bottom lip, angling her body more towards him. “You haven’t heard what it is, yet…” There’s a pause between her initial statement and the rest of it. “Bayley’s family is having a get together at their restaurant this Friday—”

“Okay…..” And it’s when she gives him that look that it dawns on him. “Oh hell no.”

“Baby, please,” she pouts, hand to his chest. “I want you there with me.”

“Around people?” The word people is laced with disgust and irritation. “Solana, you know I hate people.”

“They’re….they’re my family, Roman.” It’s a pointed, poignant counter, one that definitely tugs out a bit of guilt from him. “They’re gonna be the girls’ family. I want you to have a relationship with them as well.” He looks away, slightly comforted by her hand gently moving up and down his chest. “Please?”

The guilt was already pushing him one way, but it’s the ‘please’ that pushes him over the edge. “Okay, I’ll go with you.” Roman scowls, not from the way she moves to climb on his lap, straddling him, kissing his cheek, but from the thought of this forced socialization. “But, I’m not talking to anyone.”

Solana frowns. “Roman…”

“Or, I’m sitting in the car.”

“Roman, you are not sitting in the car,” she protests, informing. “Dwayne and Matteo are gonna be there, too.” 

“What? Why?” They’re not even her family. 

“Because I invited them,” she answers so calmly, fingers playing with his beard. “Bayley also invited Naomi, so I don’t know if Jimmy will be there….”

“There’s food. He’ll be there.” She smiles a little at his deadpanned tone. “I still don’t get why you invited Dwayne and Matteo.”

“Because they’re your family, and you like Dwayne. It’ll give you someone to talk to. Maybe even Matteo too…..”

Roman sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Solana, I know you want me—”

“I just want you to be happy, Roman.” An honest, kind, almost vulnerable thing that makes sense for her. That’s just who she is.

His hand moves in comforting circles on the small of her back. “I am happy, Solana. I have you, and I’ll have them.” His gaze moves to her stomach, briefly darting to her tattoo. “That’s all I need.”

“No, it’s not.” Unexpected disagreement. A testament of her growing assertiveness, something he both appreciates but also dislikes. Dislikes how adept she’s become at reading him. “But, I understand you need time. Just know I’m not giving up on this. I have family and so do you. And we deserve it. To be surrounded by and have people who love and care about us. Because…because that’s who’s going to love and care about the girls, too.”

He’s silent. Sitting on her words. So heavy and true. Accurate, even if they stir up more of those damn emotions.

Finally, he settles on a response that's almost second nature at this point. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” She kisses his cheek, laying her head in the crook of his neck. A few, comfortable minutes of silence pass before anything else is said. “Ro, can I ask you something?”

A sigh and kiss to her temple. “You can ask me anything, Sol. You know this.”

If only he knew what she planned to ask though. “How many kids do we have in your dreams?”

Shit.

It’s an innocent question, really. One that should provide an easy answer but not for the fact he’s thinking about what she shared with him when she was in the hospital. About wanting more kids. 

Several more kids.

Normally, Roman could easily get away with a little white lie. But, it’s the delay in his answer, as well as the gruffness in his voice, that betray him. “Just the girls.”

Solana lifts her head to look at him, a knowing, crafty smile on her pretty face. 

And right away, he knows he’s fucked up.

“It’s the five, isn’t it?”

A last minute effort to sway her. “No, I get a vasectomy after the twins.”

She shakes her head, clearly seeing past his bullshit. “No, you don’t.”

“Solana—”

“It’s Lina and Leya—”

“Sol—”

“A little boy afterwards—”

“We can’t—”

“And then another set of twins, right?” 

Damn. 

The joy on her face is a stark contrast to the horror on his when she proudly announces, “we’re gonna have five kids.”

“Solana, we are not having five kids.” Just saying it aloud makes his head hurt. “You think my blood pressure is high now? Are you trying to kill me?”

She rolls her eyes. “You’re being dramatic, Ro.”

“No, you’re being delusional if you really think I’m gonna give you five children.” Because as much as he loves this girl with everything in him, she’s clearly not thinking straight. “What am I gonna do with all them damn kids, Solana? I’m too old for all that.”

Leave it to her ass, and she’ll have him pushing 60 with a toddler and a college freshman. “And what about Dulce?”

Solana pouts. “What about her?”

“You saw how she was with Jey’s kids.” The mentioning of said children prompts their puppy to lift her head, eyes alert and searching. “See, the damn dog got PTSD just from that one day. Imagine if it was all the time.”

Solana moves her hands to the collar of his shirt, adjusting it as she calmly explains, “our kids won’t be like them. You won’t let them be like them.”

She has a point there. It’ll be a cold day in hell before any of his children exhibit even a fraction of the disobedience that marks Jey’s entire offspring. 

An idea crosses his mind, Roman suggesting, “what if I got you another dog instead?”

But, at that, not only does Dulce lift her head again, she makes a low growling sound. 

Solana bites back a smile. “I don’t think she likes that idea.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t like the idea of people thinking we’re fucking Mormons or that I’m breeding you out or some shit.” But, it’s in saying that second part aloud, he finds himself asking, “do you have a breeding kink?’

Because talking about having three more kids when she’s not even three months pregnant with their first set is almost asinine to him.

And his eyes nearly widen when she shrugs and answers in a small voice“I don’t know.” What the actual fuck? “I just want more kids, Roman.”

“We can have one more,” he compromises. Because three is manageable, especially considering they’ll still need a son for him to have an official heir.

Too bad she’s not going for it. “Three.”

“One.”

And Solana’s journey to assertiveness continues as she grabs his face, stating firmly, “three.”

“Solana.” He shifts, carefully lowering her hands from his face. “I love you, but I’m telling you right now, we’re not having five kids, and that’s just that.”

She rolls her pretty eyes, muttering, “we’ll see” and climbs off his lap, walking out of the living room.

“Yeah, we’ll see alright,” he huffs, scoffing and shaking his head. “This girl done lost her damn mind.” Looking over at Dulce who’s been privy to the whole scene, he finds himself asking, “can you believe her?”

Dulce’s response is a bark. Agreement, clearly.

“Thank you,” he responds, rubbing his temples and leaning back into the sofa.

He could sure use a drink or something right about now.

Five kids?

Hell no.

He's always been unable to say no to her, but there's a first time for everything, because over his dead body will he produce five children.

Absolutely fucking not.

Solana suddenly comes up from behind, leaning down and hugging him. “Fine. We won’t have five kids.” Relief fills him as she kisses his cheek. It’s about damn time she comes to her senses. “We’ll have six.”

The sound of her giggling as she runs off is conjoined with his eyes widening as he stands up to go after her because what the fuck?

This girl most definitely has some type of breeding kink.

“Solana!”

[ya-zz]

Hello, if you're taking requests currently could I request the overwatch guys: Ramatra, Genji, Hanzo, Magua, Life Weaver, Cassidy and Lúcio taking care of a fem reader on her time of the month if you write for any of them?

-sincerely a reader suffering cramps <3

Sorry this took awhile to get to, but hopefully this will suffice 💜 I’m also doing this from my phone so apologies if formatting is off

RAMATTRA

Like most arrogant omnics, he didn’t care at first.

It was just another weak, human thing that didn’t concern him.

But when it came down to you, he softened up and offered to help when he could.

He knows your cycle and everything that comes with it.

He’s done his research, wanting to make the days go by quickly and comfortable for you.

The few days before when your mood is low and you feel lethargic, Ramattra would bundle you up in a blanket and put your favourite movie on.

Everything was prepared afterwards. Hot water bottle for the cramps, your favourite snacks and drink on standby for when you needed them.

If you needed space, he’d oblige… sort of. He’d be in the same room, but distance himself from you.

If you needed more products, he’d get them for you, already knowing which were your preferred coverage.

Ramattra would snuggle up to you at night and warm himself up so you were comfortable.

Should you happen to leak, he’d clean up, no questions asked.

He’d help you through it all, despite the mood swings putting him on edge sometimes.

GENJI

He’s had his fair share of mood swings with the females he had dated, but he was more than happy to make sure you were okay during your time of the month.

Genji didn’t rely on dates, he relied on your mood.

He was quick with making sure you were comfortable before moving away from you to give you space.

When your arms would open up to him, he would scurry over and hold you until you told him to let go.

You were, in theory, in charge.

If you needed something, food, water, products, he’d get them in a heart beat.

Movie nights were a must, Genji swore by them and while they did help you forget about the pain, it was nice to be close to him.

Your favourite takeout would be ordered for the perfect night in.

He would also, somehow, get you out of the house for a little while. A small walk for some fresh air helped immensely on the bad days.

The ninja stayed with you as much as you would allow him to, and yes, he did tease you about your mood swings when it was all over.

HANZO

Calendars were made for a reason, and alongside birthdates and events, a small dot to signify the start of your period was on there.

He’d put it in his phone too, just in case he was away.

If it happened to be irregular, he’d rely on your mood, just like his brother would.

Hanzo would grow softer, hands massaging your shoulders when you sat with him.

The bathroom would always be fully stocked too, never seeming to run out of your products.

The archer had reserved a cupboard in the kitchen for your favourite snacks for this exact moment, bringing you what you needed whenever you asked.

Hot water bottles were filled when required, and when they eventually grow warm, Hanzo would gently rub his own hands over the pain.

Hanzo would do anything you asked of him, even if it was as simple as turning the light off because you were in the perfect position in bed.

MAUGA

First time writing anything Mauga so shhh

He’s staying with you throughout it all.

Protest as much as you want, he ain’t leaving.

Hot water bottle?? Not needed, his hands are hot enough.

He’d let you lay on him at all hours of the day if you wanted.

His hand would soothe over your head when you’re in pain and teary eyed from how bad it is.

He’d tease you over your mood swings, wanting to get a rise out of you because you look “so damn cute.”

Mauga would do anything to take your mind off of it all.

You name it, he’d do it.

He loves you that much he’d kill for you.

He’s one for overbuying snacks and drinks like this would last longer than a month so there’s always extra food laying around for later.

He’s not one to shy away from buying products should you need them, either.

So long as you’re comfortable with him, he’s happy to be there with you through it all.

LIFEWEAVER

He’s always prepared.

Doesn’t matter if it’s on time or irregular, he’s there with everything you need.

Extra blankets and pillows were pulled out so you were comfy in bed or on the sofa.

Products were always fully stocked in the bathroom and he’d even carry some whenever you went out just in case.

He’d always stay composed when your mood changed quickly, instantly bringing you back to a calm state of mind.

He was careful and gentle, not wanting to make it worse for you.

Niran would ask to cuddle with you and wouldn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you the moment you let him.

Soft hands would rub against the sore and aching parts of your body, easing the tension that had built up.

When he couldn’t be around, he’d leave small notes around the apartment that’d make you smile.

Coming home, he always had a little bag of snacks he bought on the walk back for you.

Just a little something to bring your mood up.

He’d spoil you too, small gifts and flowers that’d take up the table.

Niran would be soft and supportive, giving you exactly what you want whenever you needed it.

CASSIDY

Don’t expect this cowboy to let go of you anytime soon.

If you push him away, he’ll be the one pouting.

He’ll respect your wishes, of course, but he’d mope.

He'd forget occasionally, but would always make it up to you as quick as he could.

Cassidy would hold you close, hand soothing over your stomach in an attempt to calm the pain.

He'd be affectionate, more so than ever, it makes you question him each time, but he'd shut you up with kisses.

The cowboy would wrap you up in his cowl, his scent easing all worries for you.

No matter how snarky you would get, he always found it fun to verbally battle you.

Cassidy would let you lay in bed for as long as it happened, bringing you everything you requested.

He was happy to be your little servant for a few days, always laughing and joking about the circumstances, but never belittling you over something you couldn't control.

He would always reassure you about how much he loves you when you're teary eyed and doubtful.

LUCIO

He'd be the type to carry products in his bag just in case it started whilst you were out with him.

Always has spares on hand, each depending on the flow for that month.

If it became painful, he'd give you his homemade hot chocolate and a hot water bottle to put on your abdomen.

Lucio would put on your favourite playlist and let it loop until you got sick of it.

He'd make sure your favourite drink was prepared for you, chilled or hot, whatever you needed, he'd get it ready for you.

Snacks? He'd go shopping right then and there and pick up everything on the list you had given him.

He's a softie, pulling you close in bed and cuddling up close to you.

Blankets upon blankets would cover you both as he'd hum a tune to help you sleep.

If your mood plummets, he would sit with you until you calmed down, not wanting to leave you.

His hand would hold yours until contact would break, but he'd come back the moment he could.

Anything for his brest friend and partner.

[evilwickedme]

I keep seeing news that Israel has rejected a ceasefire deal from Hamas and/or that Hamas has rejected a ceasefire deal from Israel, and I'm having a very hard time keeping up with what's true, what terms have been rejected by who, and how ceasefire negotiations have been going in general. Do you have any information you could share or sources you could direct me to that would give this kind of news in an unbiased way? I think that saying that either side rejected a deal without explaining what parts of the terms were not agreed with is dishonest and I hate that I keep seeing it.

Thanks and I hope you're well and safe.

I'm not going to source this with anything specific cause my job is in the news so I'm just doing this off the cuff while literally on the bus there lmao

Both sides are in fact constantly rejecting ceasefire deals, for their own reasons. Some scattered thoughts from the last several months of coverage

One of the biggest points is ending the war. Hamas keeps going back and forth on this but is mostly insisting that even for the first, humanitarian stage of the hostage/ceasefire deal Israel must agree to take out all of its troops and essentially leave Hamas to remain the ruling party in the Gaza strip

This is essentially the only hard no on Israel's side. Netanyahu especially refuses to end the war without a military victory that essentially is impossible to get without entering Rafah (and in my opinion is currently impossible to achieve at all). There is a willingness to pause the war in exchange for the hostages up to a certain degree, but there simply isn't a chance that Israel is going to give up on defeating the remaining Hamas military divisions in Rafah and hopefully killing Sinwar

A lot of the problem is that Hamas will present a deal that Israel finds unacceptable, Israel will take time to deliberate, come up with a middle ground, and then Hamas will actually make a worse offer in return. A lot of things that Israel is currently putting on the table were things Hamas originally requested and was willing to be on those terms, but now they want things that are even further from Israel's interests.

For example, at first Hamas was asking for women and children to be allowed to go back to northern Gaza. Now they are asking for the entire civilian population to return to northern Gaza... And for Israel to not even check that no Hamas agents are going back up north, where there are still many rocket launchers that were never found. Personally I would like that not to happen, as I would like rockets to not be launched at me. Maybe that's a lot to ask, idk

Another example is the fact that at first Hamas asked for a certain number of terrorists to be freed, but that about a third of them (iirc) would be picked by Hamas, with no veto power given to Israel. The offer currently on the table gives Israel no veto power at all, and unlike the deal from November where Israel only freed terrorists who failed to kill anyone, this time Israel will be required to pretty much exclusively free murderers.

The truth is Hamas has very little interest in a hostage deal. They don't want the terrorists in Israeli prisons as much as we want the hostages that are, according to current intelligence, being used as human shields, many of them surrounding Sinwar at all times. The first hostage deal led to humanitarian aid being brought into Gaza, which due to Israeli negligence has been taken over by Hamas; aid is being increased (although not enough) with no "return on investment" so to speak for Israel.

(sidenote: yes, there is not enough aid entering Gaza. Also, a lot of the aid is being taken by Hamas officials, with the remains being sold at outrageous prices to the refugees. Shit is bad from all directions here)

Meanwhile, the IDF has essentially pulled all its soldiers out of Gaza. There are currently only two military divisions in Gaza iirc, and they're mostly just staying there with not much happening. The current attack on Rafah is "small scale", and comes as a direct result of rockets being shot at south Israel on Sunday, resulting in several people being grievously injured. Overall, not much military action is happening, meaning that, for example, agreeing to cease military activities in Gaza is relatively unimportant to Hamas rn (emphasis on to Hamas).

And another truth is netanyahu ALSO doesn't want a ceasefire. The moment this war ends the public will demand an election (hell, a THIRD of the public is demanding an election NOW, before the end of the war), and he has lost many of his more casual voters. He will be forced out of the government either by his party or by the voters, and netanyahu wants power over all else, fuck the hostages.

He doesn't WANT to answer for his actions in front of his citizens. It's no coincidence that he is willing to be interviewed by the foreign press but no Israeli papers or channels; it's no coincidence that he refuses to allow the Israeli negotiators to come up creative solutions, instead giving them extreme restrictions. And his absolute refusal to even acknowledging the possible existence of a future Palestinian state is going to fuck Israel over in unimaginable ways

In short, fuck Hamas, fuck Netanyahu and the current extreme right wing government, #bringthemhome #freegazafromhamas and #ceasefirenow

As usual, I recommend a mix of Haaretz, the NYT, and the wall street journal as my favorite although never unbiased journalism on i/p. It is so important that we all understand that nobody is unbiased about any political issue, including me, and especially not about Israel and Palestine. It is an extremely charged subject that is best parsed out by reading from a variety of sources, and always noting that if something is only quoted or referenced by sources from one "side", it's frankly probably not true.

I hope for the best, and may this nightmare end as soon as possible

[pearlfeline]

rookie

peter parker x fem!reader

word count: 900+

tw: black eye

a/n: this is short and it was in my drafts forever. and it was shorter than this before i added some stuff last night. posting it now for some validation and i want to feel better for my job interview tomorrow lol. hope its good enough.

“plwase unlokc your window!! OMW”

“I told him not to text and swing.” You mumbled to yourself.

You huffed, making your way to the window to save him the trouble and just lifted it wide open.

Peter flops in immediately, earning a yelp from you.

“Are you crazy?!” You held your hand to your chest.

“Heeeeelp.” He groans. Peter tugs at his mask, rolling his head back for you to see.

He had a black eye. “Make sure when you fall, you don’t land face first into a fire hydrant.” He tries his best to pry his swollen eye open.

“Since when do you fall?” You shake your head. Not expecting an answer, you walk off to the kitchen and open the freezer, grabbing a bag of assorted frozen fruit.

You come back to Peter flipping through channels on your TV, slumped on the bed.

“Put this on your eye.”

Peter gingerly takes the bag, holding it up to his bruise.

”Why are you getting hurt in the middle of the night?”

“Avengers make mistakes too.” He grumbled.

“Peter. It’s late.” You sighed.

“I know I know but I needed your help specifically.” He sits up mirroring the posture of someone who would hold a corporate meeting.

“Do my makeup please.”

You stare at Peter expressionless.

“Like with the skin paint thing.” He adds.

“For your black eye?”

“PLEEEAAASE! I can’t have May see me with another black eye. She said if the kids keep picking on me she’s gonna call the school.”

You roll your eyes, motioning him to follow you to your makeup drawer.

“Concealer.” You handed him the small bottle and heard him repeat after you.

“Concealer.” He nods.

“How long will this last?” He twists it open.

“Stop, you’re gonna dry it out. And not forever. So I’ll let you borrow it to reapply in the morning.”

“How do I do that?” He starts blinking rapidly the same time your finger pats into his under eye.

“No blinking! Just do what I’m doing here. See? You don’t even need a sponge sometimes.”

You try to ignore how close you were to him. Seeing Peter from this proximity was something you’d never think to do. You never noticed how many little freckles he had. They’re so faint. He had a little stubble from running around all day and chapped lips. Your eyes follow the line of his bottom lip, like a crack in the pavement. You could feel his breathing hit your hand as you pat into his skin. As you look up from his lips, you find him staring at you back.

“Done.” You reeled your hand back, clearing your throat.

Peter looks at himself through your small light up mirror. Seems simple enough.

“See? Good as new. Just a little swollen.” You comb his curl away from his forehead so he could clearly see the coverage.

“You’re the best.” He stares at his reflection in awe.

“I know.” You shrugged.

“Don’t touch it or it’ll come off.” You grab a small pouch to put the concealer in.

“Here. Don’t lose it. I splurged for this one.” You hand him the pouch and he nods profusely.

“Guarding it with my life.” He puts it in the small pocket of his backpack.

“Thank you.” He smiles.

“No problem.” You avoided his eyes, hopefully he didn’t see the heat rising to your cheeks. “Don’t keep May waiting.”

Peter nods, giving an awkward wave. “Right. See ya.”

Peter jumps out onto the fire escape. Quietly this time. Out of sight.

“See ya.” You said quietly to yourself.

The next morning, you woke up to a series of messages from Peter.

“she didnt suspect a thing HAHAHA” 12:32 AM

“thank u again btw” 12:33 AM

“it hurts to blink.” 12:34 AM

“ok goodnight ill let you know how it lasts thru the night.” 12:34 AM

“hi it disappeared a little bit but im gonna add some more i hope that’s ok” 9:12 AM

You bit your lip, your finger hovering over the facetime button. You click it without thinking too much of it, waiting for him to answer.

Peter comes into frame with a newly pale complexion. His entire face was covered in concealer.

“Hi.” He grins at the camera, oblivious to how ghostly he looked. This would’ve scared you if he didn’t answer the call in that ridiculous angle.

“Peter…” You sighed.

“What? Did I miss a spot?”

“…No. You can’t possibly miss any more spots I don’t think.”

Peter frowns at the camera, he thought he did well.

“Too much?” He chuckled, embarrassed.

You roll your eyes.

“This stuff covers everything. I don’t have freckles anymore.” He runs away at his cheek, showing that it wasn’t coming off.

“Did May see you yet today?” You sighed.

“No.. Should I take this off?”

Before you could answer, May quickly knocks on Peter’s door, and doesn’t wait to open the door.

“Hey, I’m thinking pizza for lunch-“

Peter turns to look at May and you could see her blurry face peek through behind Peter's shoulder on your screen. She widens her eyes and blinks a couple times.

“What… What is that?”

“Sunscreen.” Peter blurts out.

“Y/N and I are going to the beach.”

May knits her brows together, thinking if that’s really believable or not.

“There’s no beach near by.”

Peter silently stares at his aunt.

“...I’m eating this pizza with or without you .” May shrugs. “Have fun at the… beach.” She gives Peter a look and then closes the door.

Peter turns his attention back to his phone.

“The beach?” You squeaked out, attempting to stifle your laugh.

“I would hang up if I didn’t need help taking this off.” Peter says flatly.

You let out a groan. “Just get over here.”

[captinamericashusband]

Sober Thoughts | Steve Rogers/Captain America x Stark!Male!Reader

REUPLOAD A/N: Hi. It is currently 12:41 AM – another restless night unfortunately sigh. After watching a YouTube video of someone reading the infamous Harry Potter fanfiction My Immortal (I love you Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way), I became filled with unbridled inspiration to write something of my own. Anyways, enjoy! Also this is the very first fanfiction I’ve ever written. Please please please (by Sabrina Carpenter) give constructive feedback that won’t be too harsh on my little soul. This’ll be a fluffy fanfic. I'll dabble in smut later on maybe if y'all enjoy this enough...teehee. Happy BRAT summer/autumn 💚

P.S. Any errors you see will be excused by the fact English is not my first language and NOT because I suck at writing and revising ;) This fic will also be posted on Ao3 after they accept my invitation. Pls let me in Ao3.

Sober Thoughts

Word count: 4.7k

Summary: Y/N gets very drunk in front of Steve

Warnings: Alcohol, profanity

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Being the son of Pepper Potts and the eccentric billionaire, playboy and philanthropist (in that exact order) Tony Stark came with its fair share of drawbacks. While financial security was a given for Y/N, a side that came with this coverage was endless PR events. Being the sole heir to the Stark company, Y/N was forcefully thrusted into the public eye at a very young age, constantly forced to appear at social gatherings for the general public to gain somewhat of a perception of him – hopefully for the better. Today was one of these socially exhausting days, and perhaps his least favourite event of all – the annual ‘Stark Gala: proceeds going to various charities!’ A boring name he is very well aware of, and yes the ‘proceeds going to various charities’ line was annoyingly part of the title – something he had so valiantly fought Tony on, albeit unsuccessfully. 

The gala starts in 2 hours. Currently, in stereotypical Stark fashion, Y/N lay sedentary on his bed, staring at the ceiling whilst pondering for ways to escape the tiring event. Amidst his angsty mood, a knock arose from his door followed by Tony entering his room. 

“Hey bud, no more moping around,” he said after flipping the light switch in Y/N's room, “gala’s not gonna dance itself.”

Y/N turned and laid on his belly, eyes stuffed into his pillow in an attempt to suppress the bright lights, “What if I just don’t come, dad? Just chalk my absence to a cold for the press, please. I have no will nor strength to do this.” 

“You know you can’t do that, Y/N/N. The public requests you grace them with your holy presence at the gala.”

“Dad, what if I just set fire to the venue?”

Tony scoffed at his son's comment. “Don’t bother with that sassy attitude, kid. It’ll be over in a flash. Just enjoy, grab some drinks – and hey you might even find yourself a nice date there.” He said, adjusting a frame on the wall. “My best advice is mingle until your mouth falls off – my dad used to say that to me.” 

As Tony continued slightly tidying Y/N's room, a muffled groan erupted from his pillow. Y/N knew he was very well right; there was no escaping. Resigning to his fate, he abruptly stood up from his bed and began rummaging through his closet. “Fine. I’m going because I want to go, not because you’re forcing me to.”

Tony chuckled and ruffled Y/N's hair. “That’s the spirit, champ. I promise you these things can be fun if you let them. Soak up the atmosphere. And enjoy the drinks.” He then murmured, “Just not too much, as well ‘cause…you know.” 

Tony’s sudden shift in tone was in reference to Y/N's relationship with alcohol. While Tony was notorious for being able to hold his liquor, the alcohol-tolerance gene had unfortunately not been passed down to his son. The last time Y/N drank, which had been at Clint’s birthday party, he had somehow woken up inside of a dumpster – not even exaggerating. Another time, he had taken a plane to Washington and found himself passed out on a bench outside the Pentagon – also not a hyperbole. Aware of this knowledge, Y/N planned on getting absolutely wasted in order to pass the time and to make the night somewhat memorable. 

Y/N ran a hand through his hair attempting to fix it whilst looking for proper attire. “Yes, yes I know, father figure. Do you promise it won’t be boring like last year?”

Tony feigned an offended look, putting his palm against his chest. “Boring? There was an open bar and a chocolate fountain – all appearing again this year, by the way. What more could a man ask for?”

“To not come.” Y/N said begrudgingly.

“Okay well sometimes certain things can’t be provided, sugar plum.” A grimace found itself on Y/N's face after hearing the nickname. Before he could respond, Tony was already halfway through the door. “Anyways, be ready by 8; we’re leaving at 8:30 sharp.”

------------------------------------

The night was, to say the least, already an absolute dread. Upon arriving at the upper-echelon-esque museum where the gala was being held, Y/N was already drained. After exiting the limousine that took both him and Tony to the museum, a torrent of camera flashes had blinded Y/N. Furthermore, before even entering the museum, a news reporter had shoved a microphone into his face and asked a very invasive question about his lovelife. Before Y/N could insult the reporter’s rude behaviour, Tony quickly grabbed his arm and ushered him into the museum. 

It was very well aware by the public of Y/N's choice of abstaining from dating, never really having any serious relationships. This was especially questionable for the public considering who his father was, with everyone believing Y/N would’ve followed in lieu of his behaviour during his 20’s. 

However, what the public didn’t know was that the reason for Y/N's singleness was because of one of his dad’s blonde colleagues (that wasn’t Thor). Y/N's crush for  Steve Rogers AKA Captain America had simmered for the last few months. It began during an incident in the Avenger’s Compound in which the inherent Stark idiocy had decided to bite Y/N severely in the ass.

------------------------------------

It had been late at night and Y/N had been tinkering on some project in one of Tony’s spare workshops in the compound when his phone suddenly rang. Picking it up, he saw Tony was calling him. He paused the music blaring in the workshop’s speakers before answering his dad. 

“Hey bud, I have a favour to ask.”

“What is it, father figure?” He set down a screwdriver he was holding down on the workshop table.

“First, you know I hate it when you call me that. Second, there are some files that were delivered to my office that need to be put into storage in the room beside the training area. Would you mind doing it for me?”

“And why can’t you get Happy or yourself to do it?”

“Well I am actually currently at dinner right now with your mother and we are having a blast right now, and Happy is enjoying a paid holiday in the Bahamas.” 

With an overexaggerated sigh, Y/N hung up on Tony and accepted without further question. 

Heading towards Tony’s office, he marvelled at the emptiness of the Avenger’s Compound. While he never interacted much with the Avengers, only in passing, he was aware that some of them were nightowlers. However, there really was no one. Usually, there would be at least a SHIELD agent somewhere, but tonight the building was completely desolate. 

Upon arriving at Tony’s office, Y/N immediately noticed the large boxes propped on his dad's desk. He had clearly underestimated the sizes of the office boxes, with one he (very dramatically) guesstimated being the size of his torso’s length with a width of a baby whale. Unfortunately for him, there were 5 boxes in total. Being the impatient ass he is, he had decided to carry all of the boxes in one go to spare himself having to return to Tony’s office for a second trip. He noticeably struggled and after leaving Tony’s office, he immediately regretted his decision, wishing he inherited more of his mother’s patience. From a bystander's perspective, it was a comical sight seeing Y/N Stark carrying a tower of boxes almost twice his height. 

After rounding a sharp corner – something that could’ve been easily avoided considering the size of the building’s hallways – Y/N  crashed right into another person. Y/N, along with the boxes, crashed loudly and painfully against the cement floor. 

"Shit," Y/N said out loud. The embarrassment from the predicament was too much for him, so he opted for keeping his eyes on the ground, seemingly becoming very interested in the flooring's designed patterns. He stayed in that position, wallowing in his shame until the other person he had forgotten about spoke up.

"Sorry about that, kid." A low and husky voice spoke above Y/N. Y/N moved his eyes from the floor to the other man in the hallway. He was met with piercing blue eyes and a head of light blonde hair. Great. Not only had he embarrassed himself in front of someone, but that certain someone had to be Captain America of all people. Flashing the best smile he could conjure, Y/N stood up from the floor in an attempt to save as much face as possible.

"No, no, it was all my fault Steve," Y/N chirped. Wow, he sounded like a complete wimp. Not only that, but he called Captain America by his actual legal government name. Y/N did not consider himself close enough to call Captain America Steve. The situation was further going off the rails as they both stood in an uncomfortable silence for what seemed like forever. Suddenly, Steve spoke again, breaking the suffocating air of awkwardness.     

"Need help with those." Steve said, smiling slightly at Y/N. Thinking back on it now, it was definitely the smile that got Y/N hooked into Steve. With a curt nod, both of the men started cleaning the mess of files. "Do these need to be in a specific order?" Steve questioned. Quite frankly, Y/N did not care for the files' order; he was much more preoccupied with the strange feeling down in his stomach. He slapped himself internally before answering Steve.

"I'm not sure actually. The person reading these can decipher that themself." Steve chuckled at his words. An actual, genuine laugh. Y/N found whatever he said to not be as funny Steve was making it out to be. But nevertheless, good job Y/N! You made Captain America laugh at something you said! After tidying the files, the two of them started walking, Y/N in the lead with Steve following in his stead. 

"Where to, Stark Jr.?"  

"The storage room by the training grounds."

The walk to the files' designated area was filled with silence – not uncomfortable like before, but instead a somewhat pleasant quiet. Deciding to be bold, Y/N asked Steve a question.

"What do you do all day?" Wow, Y/N didn't intend on that sounding as rude as it did. 

"What do you mean?" Steve responded.

"Like, what do you do when there isn't a mission where you have to save the world or anything." Great save, Y/N said to himself.

"Well, if there isn't a mission I usually train in the gym – nothing bad in doing some extra training. Other than that, I usually visit SHIELD's headquarters to do business that I'm sure you're not interested in hearing about." He turned and smiled at Y/N after saying the last part. The strange feeling was there again.

"That honestly sounds like a miserable existence."  Y/N said. Steve laughed and Y/N smiled, proud of himself for making Captain America laugh a second time this night. "Do you have any actual free time at all?"

"The only time we get to ourselves are weekends. I typically go for jogs in the morning then catch up on any work I didn't get to finish from the weekday. By the time I finish, it's already pretty late at night." As Steve continued to talk, Y/N couldn't help but sneak glances at him. Y/N had noticed a smile was etched on Steve's face and he wondered if it was because Steve enjoyed his company or if he was merely entertained by their topic of conversation. "If I have any time to spare, I like to draw. I've started taking painting classes recently."  

Y/N debated on whether or not to make a joke about Steve's work and him not "finishing" fast enough, but thought it was too weird even for him. "Wow, even on your day off your life sounds bland – aside from the drawing part I guess." Steve had laughed once more at what Y/N said, and Y/N silently applauded himself once again.   

Steve's smile persisted despite Y/N's slight insult to his daily life. "My turn to ask. What do you do all day? I never see you around that much." 

"That's 'cause I'm usually cooped up in a lab somewhere doing tech stuff I'm sure you're not interested in hearing about." Steve chuckled again. "If I'm not doing techy stuff, then I'm usually doing boring paperwork for Stark industries. And if I'm not doing that, I'm sleeping peacefully in my bed."

"Now I'm offended by you calling my life bland when yours’ is equally as boring, Y/N," Steve joked.

"It'd be more exciting if you were in it." Oh Y/N, what exactly are you saying now? Suddenly, the signature Stark flirtiness accumulated within Y/N as the next words left his lips. "You should join me on my bed sometime." Oh sweet Jesus. Even Y/N himself shriveled from pure disgust at what he just said. It wasn't even a remotely good pickup line. He fully expected Steve to bolt away as soon as possible and leave him behind with the behemoth-sized boxes.   

Before Steve could respond, the pair found themselves in front of the storage room. Steve opened the door for Y/N who could only mumble a quiet thanks in response as he was still shaken up from his earlier misspeaking. Finding a secluded table in the room, Y/N set down the boxes with Steve following in suit. The two then exited the room and found themselves in yet again another uncomfortable silence. Before Y/N could hurriedly escape, Steve spoke.  

"You should get out of your lab more. I'd like to see more of you around if that's possible." Upon hearing that, the feeling from earlier was present again in Y/N's stomach except it had been exponentially stronger this time. "I enjoyed talking with you, Y/N."  

It was as if Y/N had lost any inkling of social awareness as he said his next remark. "You'd practically have to pry me off a workbench with those big arms of yours, Steve."  

Steve only laughed in response, clearly somewhat amused by Y/N's bold eccentricity. "I'll see you around, Y/N." Steve started walking away before suddenly turning around with a smirk on his mouth. "Oh, and I'll take you up on that earlier offer." 

------------------------------------

Ironically enough, Y/N and Steve have yet to converse with each other again after their brief encounter. This was mainly due to Y/N avoiding Steve after having said his embarrassing comments – especially about Steve's arms, something Y/N can't help but gag at upon reflection. Looking back at their moment together, Y/N can only sigh and hope the super soldier forgot about his humiliating behaviour. 

Looking around the museum, Y/N stared in awe at the inside's appearance. The building itself had replicated the architecture and grandeur of Ancient Greece, with large columns on the building's interior and exterior. While the building itself was an architectural beauty, what really stood out were the floral decorations garnered around the room, both on the tables surrounding the middle of the museum designated as a dance floor and hanging in between the interior pillars. Y/N had to remind himself to find his mother later, who arrived hours earlier to help decorate, and commend her keen taste in floral arrangements. 

Y/N's moment taking in the interior decor was interrupted when he was approached by Tony and a stubby man wearing a suit. Tony introduced the man to Y/N who turned out to be one of Stark Industries' business partners. Nothing notable was said in their conversation aside from numbers and Y/N's vision for the future of Stark Industries. This was how the first half of the night went: Tony introduced Y/N to one of his business partners, boring conversations about logistics would ensue, Y/N was asked about his ideas on Stark Industries' future – rinse and repeat. After numerous runs of this seemingly perpetual cycle, Y/N's social battery had been absolutely drained and Operation Get-Drunk-And-Pass-Out was set in motion. Excusing himself from Tony's presence, Y/N ran a beeline towards the bar, his stride swift with determination to get his hands on anything alcoholic.

Taking a seat at the bar, Y/N began thinking about what he would drink. Suddenly forgetting every alcoholic beverage that ever existed, he waved down the bartender to get his first drink of the night. "I'd like whatever will get me the most piss-faced, please." The bartender simply gave him a cordial smile and nod before pouring a single clear liquid into a small shot glass. He then gave Y/N the glass who before drinking said, "bottoms up." The mystery liquid was absolutely repulsive and scorched Y/N's throat. His face puckered up in pain, eyes shut as tears formed at the brim of his ducts. "Jesus, dude, what is this!?"

"Everclear." The man answered with a very thick Russian accent. Y/N had no idea what that was nor was aware of its very high alcoholic percentage, almost being pure alcohol.  What he did know was the vile taste and painful burn signified it was able to get him 100% wasted. 

"I'll take 10 more of those, please."

------------------------------------

At shot four, Y/N's vision had started getting blurry, his lips and skin felt tingly, and he kept laughing at the most nonsensical things to laugh at. His drunkenness was made very apparent for everyone at the bar when he pointed towards someone's poorly trimmed goatee and laughed maniacally at it. While his actions had been in poor-taste and he was making a grand fool of himself, Y/N could care less as he revelled with his newly acquainted friend, Everclear. 

Before downing shot number five, a man had approached and sat beside Y/N and began ordering. To his surprise, Captain America in the flesh had situated himself beside him at the bar. Knowing Y/N's already embarrassing encounter with him sober, only God knows what was about to ensue between the two of them while he was intoxicated. 

“Enjoying the night, Mr. America?” Y/N slurred. 

“Clearly not as much as you, Y/N.” Steve responded. He was currently sporting a classic black and white tux with a dark blue tie. His attire, while as basic and stereotypical as they come for a formal event, suited him perfectly. Being the idiot Y/N was while drunk, the spike of confidence that surged within him caused him to comment on Steve's appearance.

Y/N leaned towards Steve, getting very close in his personal space, then saying, “apologies, Captain, but you sure do look ravishing if I do say so myself. I’m proud to be an American.” Y/N giggled at himself while Steve looked at him with an amused expression. 

“If I didn’t know any better I’d say you’re flirting with me, Y/N.” Steve said, flashing his captivating smile. Y/N stared at him with dazed eyes before leaning back and downing his fifth shot of liquid courage.

"Maybe I am flirting with you, Steve. That's what I was doing last time we talked in case you didn't realize."

"Yes, you were quite subtle the last time we spoke." He said sarcastically. He took a sip of whatever he ordered from the bar before continuing. "Speaking of, I've been meaning to talk to you ever since that night, but I could never get a hold of you."

Y/N laughed, not knowing if Steve actually knew why he hasn't seen him since or if he really was oblivious. "Well, Steve, I was avoiding you because I made a fool of myself the last time we talked." A hiccup came out of Y/N's throat. "And then I said to myself, 'Steve probably thinks I'm weird so I'll avoid him to prevent any further embarrassment'." 

"Well, I really did enjoy our conversation last time, Y/N. I mean it."

Similar to their last encounter, a wave of deafening silence consumed the pair's conversation, the awkward tension causing Y/N to become slightly sober. Fortunately for him, the alcohol was still very much prevalent in his bloodstream, giving him enough confidence to break the awkward silence.

"Sometimes I wish I could just run away – leave this life behind and escape to some deserted island.” Y/N glanced towards Steve who was already looking at him. "It's too much at times – this life."

"It would be easier if you had someone with you for the journey."

Y/N looked at him, feigning an incredulous look. "Are you implying with your word choice, manner of speaking and overall cadence that you want to be that person for me?" Y/N laughed, scoffed was more like it. "I'd say you're the person flirting with me, Steve."

Steve chuckled softly, his eyes never leaving Y/N. "Maybe I am, Y/N."

Y/N could only stare at him as his heart skipped a beat. Perhaps it was the alcohol messing with his senses and disposition, but his usual wit was gone and he was speechless – a rare moment for Starks. Noticing his hesitation, Steve leaned in slightly, lowering his voice to a near whisper.

"Y/N, you don't have to go through this life alone. I've seen through your father how hard it can be for someone in your position. But you don't have to bear it all by yourself."

"Do you really mean that, Steve? Or are you just saying all this because I'm drunk and pathetic." Y/N's voice wavered, the confidence he had during their last encounter was noticeably absent.

Steve reached out, placing a hand on Y/N's shoulder. "I've noticed you, Y/N. Even though we haven't talked much, I can already tell you're a special person. You're more than just Tony Stark's kid. There's something unique about you. And I want to get to know you more."

The butterflies Y/N felt during their last encounter returned and did pirouettes in his stomach. "I don't know what to say, Steve."

"You don't have to say anything right now. Just know I'll be here and I won't be leaving anytime soon."

Y/N looked at Steve, a whirlwind of emotions torpedoing inside of him. For the first time in a long time, he didn't feel so alone. The confidence suddenly returned and a smile braced itself on Y/N's face. "Are you technically asking me out?"

Steve only laughed in response before standing up and saying, "I can take you home now if you want."

Y/N quickly stood up. "Oh yes please, Steve. Another minute in here and I think I'll have an aneurysm." As the two started walking, a sudden wave of a burdening reminder of his father's presence washed over Y/N. "Wait, I can't leave – dad said I-." 

Before Y/N could finish, Steve quickly interrupted him. "I think everyone here, including Tony, can see you're in no condition to be here any longer." 

Y/N could only nod, too exhausted to protest. As they exited the building Y/N's head grew heavy, and it gently fell onto Steve’s shoulder. Steve tensed for a moment, then relaxed as his arm slowly wrapped around Y/N’s waist, pulling him closer. “Take me home, Steve,” Y/N mumbled softly against his shoulder, his breath warm against Steve’s neck.

"That's what I'm doing right now, Y/N." Steve said softly.

------------------------------------

After exiting the building, Steve hailed one of the idle limousines across the museum. He had to carefully slide in Y/N's body before sliding in beside him.

The ride back to the Avenger's Compound was quiet and tranquil, a stark contrast to the hustle and bustle of the earlier evening. Steve glanced at his watch - it said 3:33 AM - then turned his gaze towards Y/N's sleeping body leaning against the car window. A small dribble of saliva was escaping the corners of his mouth, and Steve quietly chuckled.

"I can feel you looking at me. Cut it out." 

"Unfortunately, I can't seem to stop my eyes from lingering on things I find beautiful." Y/N could only blush at Steve's unexpectedly sappy words, unaware the super soldier had it in him to be a corny romantic.

"You're no better than any other man, Steve Rogers," Y/N teased, though his voice was softer than before. Steve smiled, but was interrupted by a loud yawn erupting from his mouth. Abruptly, Y/N sat up straight from his slouched position, suddenly remembering something in his drunken haze. "You know, you still have yet to cash in on my offer, Steve."

"You mean your offer to be in bed with you?" Steve asked, his tone in between amusement and curiosity.

Y/N eagerly nodded. "I wouldn't mind if that happened tonight."

Steve's head turned at a concerning speed that definitely would've given a normal person severe whiplash. He gave Y/N a stern yet somber look, one that carried warmth with a reprimanding undertone behind it. "I'm not going to sleep with you, Y/N. I mean, you're drunk and that would be me taking advantage of you – I'd like to think you expect better from me."

Y/N blinked, looking both very offended and embarrassed. "That is absolutely not what I meant, Steve, you naughty man!" He crossed his arms and sunk into the limo's soft leather seats. "I meant that it would be nice if we just laid and went to sleep together...I just don't want to be alone tonight."

Steve's expression softened immediately, understanding the vulnerability behind Y/N's words. Their eyes met, a silent agreement shared between them, filling the rest of the ride with warmth from their comforting connection. 

As the car grew quiet again, Y/N, emboldened by the last remnants of alcohol in his system, threw one more cheeky remark towards Steve. "But you would have sex with me, right?" 

Steve laughed, his head shaking, but the tenderness in his smile spoke volumes. "Get some rest, Y/N. We'll talk in the morning."

------------------------------------

Y/N stirred awake in his bed, his eyes wincing as the harsh rays pierced through a gap between his bedroom curtains. His head pounded, and a wave of nausea met him immediately. Unable to fight it, Y/N ran to his bathroom, purging the contents of last night's festivities in his toilet. It was quite a horrid sight. 

After what seemed like hours, Y/N exited from his bathroom, wanting to get more sleep. Stumbling back to his bed, he noticed the large body-shaped mound from underneath his blankets. Frightened, he approached it cautiously, scared of the idea of having drunkenly slept with a stranger. 

Slowly uncovering the body, Y/N was met with the peaceful sight of a sleeping Captain America. Steve's chest rose and fell steadily, lips parted as he took even breaths. Then, the events of the previous night came rushing back to him like a semi-good dream and Y/N mentally facepalmed himself. However, while he internally scolded himself for his embarrassing behaviour, he also congratulated himself for having been somewhat successful in his endeavours of pursuing Steve. 

Laying back down gingerly beside Steve, Y/N grabbed his phone from the nightstand. The time was 11:11 AM and Y/N silently made a wish to himself. He noticed he had received 10 missed calls and nearly 50+ messages from his dad. Thinking it was regarding his early leave from the gala, Y/N decided to deal with his father later, still exhausted from the night before. Opening Twitter (he refused to call it 'X'), Y/N's eyebrows furrowed as he saw his name trending alongside 'Steve Rogers' and 'Captain America.' A knot formed in his stomach and he decided to Google his name. The urge to puke suddenly returned as he was met with a news article reading:

‘Hottest New Couple in NYC?! – Captain America & Y/N Stark Seen  Seen Getting Cozy During Annual Stark Gala’  

Below the headline was a picture snapped of Steve and Y/N at the bar, Steve leaning closely towards Y/N as both shared very flirtatious smiles towards each other. Y/N groaned loudly, causing Steve to stir awake. Today was going to be PR hell.

FIN

A/N: This actually took multiple days to write and while rereading it it's actually really corny? But, fanfic writing is actually kind of fun, I might do it more. Anyways, hope you enjoyed :) Also sorry for any mistakes I'm too lazy to revise

[santatrackershowdown]

Good morning! Today's the Big Day, where all Santas across the world have completed their mission. Let's see how everyone turned out!

From "me briefly waking up at 3am," I saw that The Santa was the first to finish. Sadly, statistics were wiped from the website not too long after, so we can't tell how many houses he visited, cookies he ate, or glasses of milk he drank.

Of the remaining three, Fusible Santa acted as expected: worst present output, but best coverage. Granted, getting better coverage than the rest isn't exactly the trickiest task, but man is the bar low here. Despite this, somehow he managed to shoot his counts up to 3.14 billion presents and 410,365 cookies eaten.

Against all odds, Google Santa actually came in second place this year! Despite having an all-around more competent website, Google Santa delivered 7.7 billion presents exactly, same as last time. Is Google Santa stagnating...?

NORAD Santa, despite a second place finish last time, decided to put himself into gear and deliver a staggering 7,883,693,263 presents, actually beating out Google this time! Despite a generally less functional website, is NORAD ready to take back the crown...?

And that wraps up the Santa Tracker Showdown this year! Who knows if I'll be back for 2024. Santa Trackers only come around once a year, and perhaps so shall I. Hopefully that's long enough for me to figure out how to spice things up better next time.

[tigergirltail]

TIGER HRT CHAPTER 6 - MONTH 6 - THE CAGED BIRD

CONTENT WARNING - This chapter contains mentions of medical injections, bigotry, child abuse, self-harm, and attempted suicide. Reader beware.

FIRST - PREV - NEXT

I had my six-month check-up with Dr. Erian, an online appointment just like last time. No particular medical issues this time around, bloodwork checks out, genetic reconfiguration is stable. We can't do a thorough physical exam over the internet, but according to him, I am "the very picture of health, by the standards of your species". I'm a bit curious what standards those are, given that I have yet to hear about any other tiger therians. Hopefully there ARE standards, and he's not just giving me empty reassurance.

We also spent some time going over dietary concerns - am I getting enough meat, am I reducing my fruit and grain intake appropriately, that sort of thing. I assured him that I'm eating real meat with every meal, just like the booklet said to, I've been limiting fruits and vegetables, and I don't even have an appetite for anything grain-based. I'll probably miss what fresh bread used to be like, but I just can't bring myself to want it anymore. Apparently not every therian is following the diet they're supposed to, but the doctor didn't have any concerns about me, "assuming your answers are honest, Miss Alexis". What, does he think I'm about to lie to the one person who knows how species transition works?

At one point during the discussion I thought I heard him mutter something about a "foolish undine", but I must have misheard. Undines are water spirits or elementals or something - a fictional creature. Then again, so are dragons and lamias, but the first well-known humanity remover was a dragon-girl, and I've been hanging out and playing online games with a lamia. At this point you could tell me there's someone out there transitioning to Sonic the Hedgehog, and I might actually believe you.

I've hit the point of full fur coverage, so no more awkward bald patches! Unfortunately, this does mean I need to start taking my estrogen in a form other than skin patches, because there's nowhere left to stick them. After a lot of agonizing over the pros and cons of potential liver damage from pills versus facing down my needle phobia, I opted to ask my endocrinologist to train me on injectable estrogen. She made a somewhat tone-deaf joke about not being trained in veterinary medicine, but she was otherwise very patient and reassuring, so I let it slide.

I do want to state for the record that I am a big scary tiger who's not afraid of anything and I only cried a little bit the first time I injected myself.

My ears are definitely becoming much more sensitive - I keep hearing really annoying high-pitch noises when I'm around heavy machinery, and that happens a lot more often than you might think. My office at work is right next to an elevator, and whenever someone uses it, the motor lets out this gods-awful whine and I have to plug my ears until it stops moving again. My local grocery also has a few freezer units that give off a similar sound, constantly, and I've had to start wearing earplugs to go on food runs.

As for visual changes, I can see in the dark reasonably well, but I've also started getting headaches and discomfort when I squint or try too hard to focus on something. I guess I should probably just… try to not do that. I have spent a significant portion of my life staring at a screen, so my eyes probably aren't in the best shape overall.

Now that my physical changes are pretty much done, most people just assume I'm wearing a very intricate costume - at least, until they get close. No costume has mouth movements or facial expressions this realistic, and believe me, our top furry scientists and engineers have tried.

At one point there's a conversation on the humanity removal chat server about the political climates in our respective areas towards therians. Obviously, a lot of the right-wing talking-head shows have been shitting themselves inside-out about the idea of people giving up their humanity, especially the ones with a more religious bent. "How dare these freaks forsake God's holy image", "Humanity is a divine blessing and must be cherished", "We call on the one true God to smite these worshippers of the Beast", and so on like that. Excuse you, but I've never worshipped your discriminatory god and I'm not beholden to their 'holy image'. My goddess is one of beauty, love, and artistic expression, and the entire reason I'm changing myself in the first place is as an expression of self-love.

Most of us agree, though, that the absolute worst of the 24-hour news cycle doesn't have anything to do with how regular everyday people see us. In fact, we're rare enough still that a decent proportion of people don't believe we exist - they think that tabloids made us up to sell more copies. I don't know if that's better in terms of acceptance, but I'll take it over a torch-and-pitchfork mob running me out of town.

The conversation shifts to us sharing our locations, those of us who are comfortable doing so at least. We generally keep it vague, but most of us are at least alright with saying which country we live in. I narrow it down to a province for myself, mainly because my province alone is larger than some countries, but also because once we start to get noticed by the media and the world, there'll probably be no stopping our locations becoming known.

It's also going to get interesting if anyone starts asking how most of us are going to the same medical provider when he requires that consultations be done in person, or why the location he operates out of - Hyper City - doesn't appear on any map. Truthfully, I'm still trying to wrap my head around it myself.

The next day, I get a private message from the girl with the corvid avatar:

"Hey I saw your post when everybody was talking about where they are! I live there too!! We should totally meet up sometime ^v^"

…This is a dilemma. Obviously, I'm worried about the optics of a teenager meeting up with a 39-year-old she met on the internet, there's all kinds of ways that could be taken the wrong way, but dammit, I still don't know anyone like me in this part of the world, who knows if I'll ever find anyone else who's local? …I really want to try, but I should at least give her a warning, and a judgement-free out.

"Uhh I get wanting to meet up, but I'm more than 20 years older than you, would your parents be anywhere near cool with that??"

There's a long pause. I see her start and stop typing multiple times. I'm worried I've upset her. Eventually, she sends another message:

"I don't give a fuck what they think"

I'm taken aback by the harshness of the reply, and don't manage to type anything before another series of messages pops up:

"and they don't care what I do anyway so it's whatever" "if anyone asks I'll just say you're my weird aunt" "you have no idea how bad I want to meet someone who GETS IT" "humanity is a curse and I want to be free"

'I want to be free'. Something about that phrase hits somewhere deep, in a source of pain that never fully healed. Freedom from pain, freedom from self-hatred, freedom at any cost, even if it meant my life. I remember how that desire for freedom feels.

The only thing I can think to do next is ask if she's okay. Her response is to ask if I can go on a voice call. I'm not sure if she wants some confirmation that I'm a real person or if she just doesn't want the next part of the conversation preserved in the text log.

"Hey…", I begin cautiously as the voice call starts. "Can you hear me okay?"

There's a suppressed sniffle on the other end. "Yeah… I hear you."

For a moment I entertain the thought of going all 'when I was your age' and explaining that I was always cautioned against talking to strangers on the internet, but it's probably not the time for that. Read the room, Alexis.

She's not saying anything. I'm going to have to start this off, I think. Something harmless, something value-neutral…

"So from your icon, I'm guessing you want crow HRT? Raven HRT, maybe?"

"Crow HRT.", she states simply. "Crows are everywhere here, and I've always loved them, always been jealous of them. They get to go anywhere they want, do anything they want…" She lets out a groaning sigh. "Augh, this is stupid. You probably think I'm stupid for wanting this."

I can't hold back from giving a little bit of a laugh. "Hah! Young lady, one year ago I went to a doctor and told him to his face that I wanted him to turn me into a recessive-gene variant of an endangered species that doesn't even live on this continent, and then I threatened to bite him if he wouldn't do it. Fantasizing about being a crow is just about the normalest thing I can imagine compared to that."

"…You said you'd BITE him?"

I grin, though without a camera set up she can't see it. "Every one of us who seeks out humanity removal therapy is already a little bit inhuman, even if we don't fully know it yet. After all, why would we remove something if we felt emotionally attached to it?"

Another audible sniffle. "Holy fuck, you DO get it…"

"I sure hope I get it, it's not like I can un-grow the fur and the tail."

She gives a laugh, then there's a long pause. "…Does it hurt? Is it scary?"

"Sometimes. My fingers were REALLY sore while my claws were developing, and having your entire facial structure rearrange is no joke. As for scary, well, I sure get stared at a lot more, but I think I scare people a lot more than they scare me."

"Heh, maybe I want to be scary."

I frown a little. "I don't. I just want to be true to myself."

There's an awkward silence. After a while, I decide to bring up something I was curious about:

"So I remember you asking if there was a way to get species HRT without your parents noticing. I'm guessing they're not exactly supportive?"

She lets out an uncomfortable groan. "Mmmngh… They watch a lot of those news shows, you know, the ones that only run angry sensationalist bullcrap? Dad gets furious at the idea of anyone changing themselves, something about the 'holy sanctity of the human body' or whatever. He even thinks tattoos are blasphemy. Mom says it's the most horrific thing she can imagine, she nearly fainted when she caught me watching a stream of this one dragon girl talking about her changes."

"And here you are, wanting to be a bird… I'm sorry, that sounds really rough."

"It… It is." I can hear her voice faltering. "Hearing nothing but how terrible a waste it is, and how awful and horrific they are, and the whole time knowing that I'd give ANYTHING for it to happen to me, I just… I'm sorry, I just…"

"Hey, you don't need to apologize… I'm not going anywhere."

"I just… don't know how much longer I can take it!"

"…Take what?" I'm afraid to ask my next question, but… I just have to. "…What are they doing to you??"

Somewhere deep inside her, the dam just… breaks. She starts sobbing as she tells me about how her parents yell at her over every single mistake, how she gets shoved or hit just for being in the way, how she hurts herself just so the pain gives her something to feel and to focus on, and how she… How she once climbed up to the roof of her building and took a flying leap off. She had every intention to end her own life, but in the moment her feet left the ground and she felt the air under her arms, she experienced a rush of euphoria, for the first time she can remember.

…And a moment later, she broke a leg and several ribs when she hit the ground.

She explains that she spent over a month in hospital, a captive audience for her parents to yell at more, when they even bothered to show up at all. I'm too stunned to even react.

She's spent the years since then chasing that high, climbing trees and jumping off, finding rooftops and hilltops to go stand in the wind, looking up online videos of parachuting and wingsuiting and hang gliding, and when she first heard rumours about medical treatments that can alter one's very species, she started frantically researching. That's how she started finding other therians to reach out to, how she got involved in the group chat.

"Have you… had an appointment with Dr. Erian yet?" I have a feeling I already know the answer - something something, 'letter from a physician, two psychologists, live as your preferred species for at least a year'. The same horseshit I had to listen to.

"No… I tried to get one, but he won't see anyone under 18 without parental consent, and fat chance of ever getting that."

Huh. I hadn't expected that, it feels surprisingly principled for him. Though at the end of the day, it's probably just another liability thing - ol' Teddy Erian covering his own ass as usual.

"I just…" She's started crying again. "I just want to turn into a beautiful black bird and fly away from all this, forever… I just want to live my life on the wind, going wherever I want, never having to see a single human again…"

I can feel my own tears welling up, and that's the moment I make my decision. I'm going to meet up with this girl, and I'm going to find a way to help her. Maybe she doesn't need humanity removal, maybe she just needs to know someone who understands.

We decide on a place and time to meet up. There's a little cafe I like nearby, run by a trio of neurodivergent queer women. It's a public place, and about as safe for weirdos like us as you can get. Corvid-girl tells me she'll be the one with a feathered headband and a crow-skull necklace. I tell her I'll be the one with white fur and a tail. That manages to get a laugh out of her. I choose to take that as a victory.

There's something about the way she laughs that sounds a bit like a crow's call. I wonder whether that's intentional on her part…

A few days later, I'm sitting in the cafe enjoying a hot chocolate and a roast beef sandwich - extra meat, naturally. Dr. Erian said I have to start cutting chocolate out of my diet because cocoa is going to become toxic to me, but… chocolate! I did ask for a lighter mix though, so what I'm drinking is actually mostly just hot milk. Maybe there's a cocoa-free substitute out there I can look into…

I'm snapped out of my thoughts by a squeal of delight emanating from the front door. There's a teenage girl standing there, staring directly at me with a look of amazement on her face. Dark clothes, pale skin, black hair, headband with feathers in it, and hanging from her neck, an amulet in the shape of a bird skull. I smile and wave a paw at her. She practically bounces as she walks up to my table and takes a seat.

"Holy SHIT, you're… And you even have the… Your face looks just like… Can I touch your paw??"

I laugh and hold out my paw. "Haha, sure, just watch out for the claws, they don't stay all the way inside just yet."

"Oh, it's okay, I'm used to sharp things!"

I wince as I think back to our voice chat from the other day. I REALLY hope she doesn't mean what I think she means, but I can't help noticing she's wearing long sleeves, even though the weather has been getting warmer.

She turns my paw over and squeals. "OHMYGOD you even have the BEEEEANS!" I can't resist smiling as she starts poking and prodding at my pawpads. "You look SO!! AMAZING!!"

Corvid-girl starts frantically complimenting all my animalistic features - "Your stripes are so pretty!" "I love your tail!" "Ohh, your fangs, they're so COOL!!" - and I start uncontrollably blushing. I never would have thought species affirmation would feel this euphoric… Naturally, being a teenager, she takes this as an excuse to push even harder, and I start covering my face with my paws, thoroughly embarrassed.

"You look just like the tigers they have on stage for those shows in Vegas!"

"H-hey, that's actually not okay…"

"You know, I bet you'd look good up on a stage too! Everyone would love to see you!!"

Instinctually, I let out a growl, louder than I actually want to. It has the intended effect, in that she stops dead and stares at me, but so do a few other cafe patrons. Oh gods, here comes the embarrassment again… "H-hey, look, it's just…"

"Sorry." She's gone completely deadpan, and stiff as a board.

I close my eyes tightly. Gods, why did I DO that?? First the waitress at that seafood place, and now an actual CHILD. I REALLY need to start getting a handle on these predator instincts. When I open my eyes again, she's still standing there, and she looks like she's on the verge of a panic attack.

I need to calm her down, need to bring her back. "No… I'M sorry. I shouldn't have done that, I just… The animals they use for those stage shows get abused all the time, and it's kind of a sore spot for me."

"…Really?"

Okay, she's talking, she's distracted, maybe I can still salvage this. "Yeah… Every species has baggage, it's one of the shitty parts of being therian, and tigers, white tigers especially, they're treated like show pieces, or worse."

"…Well shit, I knew they're endangered, but… fuck."

"Yeah, it's a whole thing, I try not to -"

Our conversation is interrupted by one of the staff tapping corvid-girl on the shoulder and asking to talk privately. She reluctantly agrees to go to the back of the store and talk. At first I think maybe she's being chastised for being a disturbance, but the barista who pulled her away is giving me some very pointed looks. Worried looks, I might even say.

If I angle my ears just right, I can almost hear them through the noise of the rest of the cafe.

"…other patrons were concerned… …young lady so close to a dangerous creature…"

I wonder if the barista notices the indignant look that crosses my face when they describe me as a 'creature'.

Corvid-girl lets out that bird-like laugh of hers. Her voice is a lot more distinct and easier to pick out:

"It's just my aunt! She's not a 'creature', she just takes meds to look like that!"

The barista doesn't protest as corvid-girl returns to our table, but they're still giving me a very 'You'd better not try anything' kind of look.

Corvid-girl sits down, seemingly a little more grounded, a little more sobered. "…I guess I never thought to ask, why a white tiger?"

I lean forward, head in one paw, and give a bit of a shrug. "I relate a lot to them."

"To… being treated like a show piece, or whatever you said?"

"…Yeah. When I was little, they called me 'gifted' and put me in a separate school. I remember being excited about it, but it turns out it just meant getting more homework."

"…Ew."

I smile a little bit. "That's what I thought too! They wanted me to be some brilliant prodigy, a genius in the making, but the reality is I was just more observant and better at math than most people, that's all. I actually had to take an extra year of school because I was so bad at it."

"EWW!!"

"I KNOW, RIGHT?? But, then I went to college and graduated at the top of my class, so the joke's on them in the end."

"I wasn't even planning on staying around long enough for college…" She still has a bit of a depressed air about her, but she's not going into a panic. Maybe I'm better with kids than I thought.

"Yeah, I remember, you were going to turn into a beautiful crow and fly away forever." I try to give her a reassuring look. "But hey, the human world isn't ALL bad."

"Says the woman who's turning herself into a wild animal."

I snort quietly as I hold back a laugh. "Okay, fair, but wild animals don't get the internet, or nice little cafes where weirdos like us can just sit and talk."

"Hah, yeah… Weirdos like us." She gives a smile. An actual, genuine smile. Suddenly all the awkwardness is worth it, to see someone so deeply unhappy smile. "That reminds me, I saw on the server you're into witchcraft, can you… teach me?"

Somehow I feel like I should have expected this. The goth-looking crow girl is into witchcraft, big surprise. "I… guess? Maybe? I'm not like an expert or anything, I've just read a few books and cast a few spells is all."

"Ooh, what kind of spells??" And now she's back to her enthusiastic self.

"Just some protective charms on people who needed them, a few card readings with a tarot deck, nothing much really…"

"Does it really work??"

"I mean, the people I cast those charms on ended up safe in the end, but who knows if what I did made a difference? Some of the card readings were scary-accurate though, I think I might have a talent for divination."

She laughs. "Gonna have to get you to read my future sometime."

We end up spending the next hour or so making small talk, getting to know each other, talking about the ins and outs of humanity removal, complaining about Dr. Erian, until…

"Hey, I gotta go catch the bus back home, but… this was nice." She gives a bit of a smirk. "Cool to meet another weirdo."

Before she leaves, I ask her name - I still don't know it, I've been internally calling her 'corvid-girl' this entire time.

She gives me a disgusted grimace. "Ugh, it's 'Margaret'. I'm named for my great-grandmother, it's SUCH an old-lady name."

"Margaret, like Maggie, as in magpie?" I smile a little. "Those are corvids too, you know."

Her expression softens a little. "…Never thought of that. Still don't like it, though…"

"Well, is there a name you'd like better? I can start calling you that if you like."

She freezes. Somewhere in her eyes I can see her mind working to process what I've just said. "…Nobody ever asked me that before. I'll… think about it." She turns to leave.

"Wait, hold on a sec."

"WHAT!?" She outright glares at me, then seems to soften. "Sorry, it's… never mind."

That… was an EXTREMELY sudden mood shift. Trauma response, maybe? "I… was just going to ask if you wanted a sandwich or something to take home."

"…Didn't bring any money…"

I shake my head a little. "That doesn't answer my question. Would you like me to BUY you a sandwich or something?"

"…Egg salad if they got it I guess…"

I go up to the counter and buy her an egg salad sandwich to go. She looks like she's going to cry when I hand it to her. I… probably shouldn't make a big deal about that, but somewhere deep inside, my heart breaks a little. Does she never have anyone just… offer her food?

I'm beginning to understand why she wants to leave behind the curse of humanity. I chose this path, I wanted to be a tiger, I'm running towards something. Corvid-girl, though? She's running away from something.

I walk her outside, and she starts to walk away, but suddenly stops, and turns back to me. She walks resolutely up to me, then grabs me in a hug.

"Soft…" Her voice is muffled against both my shirt and the fur underneath. "You're very soft…"

Once I get over my surprise at the sudden gesture, I hesitantly put one arm around her shoulders and pat her on the back. She pulls away after a few short moments, and walks away down the sidewalk without another word.

I touch my shirt where her head was leaning, and notice a small wet spot.

---

Time to play "Spot the References!" Intentional references below:

"something about a 'foolish undine'" - welldrawnfish (Fish HRT)

"the first well-known humanity remover was a dragon-girl" - ayviedoesthings (Dragon HRT)

"I've been hanging out and playing online games with a lamia" - ariathelamia (Lamia HRT)

"someone out there transitioning to Sonic the Hedgehog" - sonic-spirit (Sonic HRT)

"watching a stream of this one dragon girl talking about her changes" - Rain, by Jocelyn Samara D. (Dragon HRT)

[toaarcan]

This is one of my favourite details from Pokemon Gen V:

On the left, Ghetsis' Hydreigon from Black and White.

In the middle, Ghetsis' Hydreigon from Black 2 and White 2.

On the right, Iris' Hydreigon from Black 2 and White 2.

(Specifically, that's the Challenge Mode one- in Easy and Normal mode, it knows Charge Beam and doesn't have the Wise Glasses, and in the rematches it has this set and the only difference between Easy/Normal and Challenge mode is the levels and whether it has the Wise Glasses or not)

Ghetsis' Hydreigon in the first game is a Special Attacker, at Lv.54. We also know it has a Speed-raising nature, in case it wasn't scary enough already. Most likely Timid. It has pretty much perfect coverage.

And then, his Hydreigon in the second game is... different. It's a lower level, weighing in at Lv.52 (though it does go up to Lv.56 in Challenge Mode, for what it's worth), and it's now a Physical Attacker. It's carrying a Life Orb, so it damages itself every time it attacks in exchange for higher power, and whether Ghetsis has actively given it this item on purpose, or the item isn't canonically there and it's just meant to simulate Hydreigon having a Bad Time, it nonetheless sends a message. Its moves are the powerful but very inaccurate Dragon Rush, the fairly strong but also inaccurate Rock Slide, Crunch (which isn't really relevant here), and Frustration, the move that gets more powerful the more the user hates its trainer. It all adds up to create the image of a Pokemon that attacks in a frenzy, frequently missing its moves and harming itself when they do connect, and loathing its trainer so much that it can channel that into a 102-power move.

And then, after you finally beat Ghetsis and he goes catatonic after being twice humbled by a teenager with a hat, and you make your way up Victory Road, and beat the Elite Four, you meet Iris. And the first thing she sends out is a Hydreigon with the exact same moveset as Ghetsis' one from the first game (if you're playing Challenge Mode or rematching her).

We know that Ghetsis was arrested at the end of Black and White's main story, and he only escaped because the Shadow Triad came to break him out. And Alder and Cheren would've had to be pretty dense to let him keep his Poke Balls on him. So I think it's highly likely that Ghetsis lost his original Hydreigon at the end of the first game, and it was given to Iris to take care of. Ghetsis got a new one between games and this one just fucking hates his guts. He treats it badly, and it hates him in return.

Hopefully this one will be looked after properly now that Ghetsis is completely nuts and unresponsive.

[curio-queries]

Hi CQ, Thank you for your ask! I would also like to keep this conversation going as it tickles my brain in the most delightful way.

My question is kind of circling back to your comment about the use of Go-Pro's going forward when it comes to BTS content. It's such an easy way to add a very personal and up close pov to the scenes. YET, I feel like the scaled down crew of AYS and the use of Go-Pro's and especially the lack of attention to the audio has led to some pretty egregious technical setbacks. From choppy audio to a lack of proper coverage in certain scenes. This leads to an edit that has to cover a lot of potholes, so to speak. Do you think this is purely due to the intimate nature of AYS (less crew means more comfort for jikook, easier travel in between locations) or something else? Where's that Disney money 😩😩😩?

Hi Sol, I'm loving our exchanges, so thank you for keeping it going and sending me such an interesting prompt! I definitely had to think about this one a little bit to find how to encapsulate my thoughts.

The short answer is, I think this all just speaks to how the BTS production team is approaching experimental content and the financing required for such projects. Some comparables would be Suchwita and Jin's Alcohol Journey.

Let's start with Jin's show first.

(For anyone that hasn't watched it, I highly recommend. I don't drink but I still found it fascinating.) This is a 4 part episodic show that followed Jin as he learned about and made his own batch of a traditional drink. This show was a collaboration with Chef Baek Jong-won.

Personally, I feel this show was a success. Definitely leaned into more traditional filmmaking and storytelling (appropriately given the subject matter) and was a little more heavy-handed with the promo of Jin's solo music. In my opinion, this will lean the content to feeling more dated than it truly is but that may give us a hint as to how it was funded. There weren't any blatant sponsorships aside from the partnership with Chef Baek so it could have been reconciled as part of the promotions for The Astronaut. Wooteo is pretty prevalent in the show and it aired in the midst of the promo content.

I don't remember when the deal with Disney started to become known but I don't recall anyone in my circles angry that it wasn't getting the Disney release. (Could have been happening but I really limit where I spend my time engaging in social media so maybe that's on me for not being aware. Does anyone here remember if this was an issue?)

Now, let's move on to Suchwita.

(Disregard the quote on the above gif, I couldn't find a different one from the first ep.)

If you watch the first episode, it's on a different set and aired about a month before ep 2. When ep 3 airs, they first make it very clear that the show 'survived'. This is what leads me to believe that episode 1 was filmed on speculation. They could use that as a proof-of-concept to shop the show around to brands to secure more long-term funding. Suchwita's main focus as a show in the current events space is very focused on the guest's current projects and promotions.

Getting back to AYS,

We're far enough into the show that I believe we can rule out album promotions as being a financial driver. Not only because most of the member's songs that even make an appearance in the show were long-ago released but the manner in which they were incorporated is indicative as well. They're really only mentioned in the context of bringing us into the member's lives and sharing in the joy they have for eachother's work. (Also hopefully satisfying those fans that only ask the members to mention other member's songs when one of them would livestream...but that's a subject for another day.)

I think there's a strong possibility that the US eps were filmed on speculation as well. That there was no guarantee of a Disney release at the time. Just like the other shows, they knew they knew they could release on their own if Disney decided to pass so the footage definitely wouldn't be wasted. But I believe that's why the scope of the show seems vaguely undefined during eps 1&2.

Everything else that we've been discussing regarding production honestly seems within the typical scope of BTS's content under similar circumstances. Yes, there is plenty of room for improvement, but it's far from the worst show BTS has ever produced. I think one of the points that makes ppl think it's worse than it is is the management of expectations. I mentioned this in my review of Jimin's Production Diary but if we approach that show expecting that we're going to get detailed breakdown of all of the steps to create an album, we'll be very disappointed. Likewise, AYS is not a detailed vlog of how our members spent their time in these mini vacations.

One last thought,

BTS is not really given the space to experiment and explore. True experimentation requires space for failure, realignment, and growth. And that's just not something BTS has been granted the luxury of. There is such EXPECTATION with everything they release. Everything HAS to be success. That's one of the reasons I was so thrilled to hear RM had performed an unreleased song at the D-DAY concert. Crowdworking new material at concerts was a staple of tourning bands in the west and it helps bands get such critical live feedback DURING the creative process. Now, I don't think that was necessarily the goal with RMs performance but it's so lovely to see him able to even take a step in that direction. Such a thing woukd have been completely unheard of years prior. Fans (likely still) would have been clamoring about being led astray if the song changed drastically after that performance.

Anyway, I could very easily be completely wrong about all of this so let's all take it with a huge grain of salt.

[detailtilted]

NEW Enhanced Edition - VANCON 2009 - J3 (Jared, Jensen, Jim) Breakfast

Direct link to video. Link to YouTube channel. (10 videos available.)

My newest video is now up, kicking off the VANCON 2009 series of videos with Jared, Jensen, and Jim at the Breakfast panel. Both available videos were taken from extreme opposite angles, so I cut between them to hopefully present the best view possible based on where they were facing.

The video I received from AgtSpooky had already found its way onto YouTube (but wasn't properly credited), so there won't be any new coverage here that most people haven't seen already. However, her video upscaled very nicely and looks much improved in this version. I also hope cutting between the two angles will reduce the frustration that many of us probably felt when we watched the original videos and kept seeing the backs of their heads.

AgtSpooky's videos for the main panels have not made it onto YouTube as far as I could find, so my next two videos should have some coverage from an angle that newer fans haven't seen. Jensen's solo panel will be next up.

Before/after comparison photos...

Click and/or zoom in to enlarge and get the full impact of the improvement.

A recap for anyone not familiar with this project…

In December 2023, I started this project to enhance old convention videos. I'm upscaling the videos and making other visual improvements, adding extra content to clarify various references, and adding good color-coded subtitles so you can better understand the sometimes-chaotic audio.

My goal is to publish the best, most complete, and most watchable versions of these older convention panels yet seen, but this is only possible thanks to the fans who captured the footage in the first place and were generous enough to share it with other fans. My video descriptions on YouTube will always credit my sources.

If you have any old convention videos you'd be willing to contribute to this project, please message me! I can also be reached at DetailTilted@gmail.com. Even if your videos are on YouTube, the original files, if you still have them, may upscale much better. If I can get them to upscale, I'd happily send the upscaled files back to you for your own collection whether I use them or not.

[aerodaltonimperial]

trick or treat! happy halloween ^_^ 🍫 - spooky any chrono or wrestling ship you like

(ALSO LATE, BUT IT WORKED IN MY FAVOR CAUSE I COULD TIE IN LAST NIGHT LOL)

The floor is sticky and wet when Jack finds his way into the janitor's closet. It smells, too; people don't really convey that on television in police procedurals or horror movies, but blood pooled smells, overwhelmingly so, and the rotting tang of it makes his eyes prick. He picks his way around the mop - ironic to have that so close to where it's needed - and finds himself staring down at Darby's wide, unseeing eyes.

Jack pauses for a moment, before sighing and leaning over the man's fucking corpse. The knife handle's so slick that it takes three times to get his fingers wrapped tight enough around the carvings to jerk it out from between Darby's ribs. Darby starts sputtering as soon as it's free, blood spraying out from between his lips, while Jack wipes the blade of the weapon against his jeans. At least they're black: decent coverage.

"What'd you do, stop for coffee?" Darby rasps, pressing his hand against his sternum as his muscles knit themselves back together.

"Has anyone told you recently that you're a fucking idiot?" Jack asks.

Darby pushes up on his elbows, which puts that stupid coat right in even more of the blood. Christ. The whole thing's a lost cause at this point. Jack hopes he's got more than one of those at home. "Fuck off."

"Seriously, you just descended from the rafters on top of them. What did you think they were gonna do?" Jack rolls his eyes, and hopes that Darby can see it in the dim light streaming in from the hallway beyond the open door. "Dumbass. They know they can just get their violent kicks out on you without repercussions."

Darby stands up and winces; the action pulls on his greasepaint, twisting it a bit. "Consecrated knife, too. Fuckers are getting smarter."

"Unlike you," Jack points out, and is ignored. "You know, at some point, I'm not gonna be here when someone decides to shatter every bone in your body. Then what are you going to do? Word's gonna get out further."

"Worried about me?" Darby arches both eyebrows at him. At least he's shrugging off his blood-soaked coat. Hopefully he's gonna dump it in the nearest trash can. "That's sweet."

"If I could kill you permanently, I would have done it by now."

Darby grins at him and reaches out to swipe his palm across Jack's face, the lower half of it; he's got blood all over his fingers, and it streaks across Jack's beard. "You like me too much."

"That is not even remotely true."

"You came to find me, didn't you?"

Jack sighs. "That's just because I'm also an idiot. Also, your blood stinks when it leaves your body. Did you know that? Absolutely terrible."

Darby leans in and covers Jack's mouth with his own. He tastes like copper and slow-receding decay. It should be disgusting, but Jack lingers. He probably should have seen this coming. He's tracked down Darby's corpse too many times to avoid this.

When Darby pulls back, he's got some of the blood transferred over to his lips. He grins again, wider. "Anything else you wanna say? Insults? Threats? Lie about how much you can't stand me?"

"Your breath smells like you just died," Jack tells him. "Go brush your teeth."

"Ah." Darby's eyebrows wiggle. "And then what?"

"We're gonna have to put that—," Jack points at the coat, more red than pink now, "—in the fucking hotel bathtub to see how much of this shit we can wash out."

"Romantic."

Jack shakes his head. "I hate you."

"No, you don't," Darby says, teeth flashing bright. "But keep telling yourself that, if it helps you sleep at night."

[hauntedhokage]

PART 06: Fight Night

WORD COUNT: 1.8k

SUMMARY: The night you’d been dreading for a couple weeks finally arrives, and nobody is prepared. But you’ve all got work to do

Note: Reader has a near-death experience here, and we’re finally getting into the burn a bit more

[series masterlist] | {ao3} | [tumblr masterlist] | {ko-fi} | [spotify playlist]

Whispers were all over the district about a fighting ring spill out occurring, where the quirk fight clubs would take it out of whatever basements or warehouses they congregated in and take it out onto the streets for a massive fight night. This would be the third annual Fight Night, and you hadn’t been looking forward to it. Last year saw almost a billion dollars in damage to the city, in addition to three people caught in the crossfire who were killed. People who weren’t participants, innocent people - Fight Night was not something to look forward to. 

The text you got from Eijirou telling you to stay at the station until he personally came to pick you up said enough about how serious this would be. Sure, it would be great for your career if they put you in for any kind of coverage of the event, but it was dangerous for the rest of the district and that dampened any excitement for how it could help your career. 

“Did you hear? It’s going to happen tonight.” Ayame, however, sounded way too gleeful at what would be a huge crime night happening.

“Fight Night is stupid. I don’t understand why they don’t do stuff like this in the arenas that can be rented and are safe.”

“Because safe isn’t fun.”

“Didn’t you almost get decapitated last year while on the ground reporting?” Your question has her pausing only momentarily before the grin stretches across her face. “Ayame!?”

“It would’ve been great for ratings!”

“You’re impossible sometimes!”  Your scolding only has her whining as she follows you, still rambling about how important ratings were and how a shrine in her honor would’ve been cool. Your fingers are rapidly tapping against your phone, texting first the rarely used group chat with Bakugou and Eijirou telling them both to be careful tonight then texting Eijirou separately to let him know you’d be in a helicopter tonight. Last time you hadn’t told him, he’d freaked out because in his opinion helicopters weren’t the safest in general - but doubly so during a hero’s fight with a villain.

“Ayame.”

“What?”

“Do your best to not get decapitated this year, for me?” You’re smiling again as you look over at her, and she rolls her eyes with a laugh of her own.

“Don’t fall out of the helicopter, then. Be very securely buckled up.”

“Yes, ma’am.” You even saluted her before you parted ways, she was needing to get her equipment ready (and hopefully a protective vest of some kind) and you needed to sit down and relax while hoping aerial coverage wasn’t needed. After a few moments you got confirmation that they’d be sending the bird out, which has you leaning back into the chair with a sigh. Eijirou was going to be difficult, you could already tell. Overprotective but it was because he loved you, and you appreciated the care but he went a bit overboard sometimes. 

The next time you pull out your phone you only see a text from Bakugou telling you to be careful, which wasn’t necessarily unexpected but surprising that he replied before Eijirou.

But that was because Eijirou decided he’d rather call you.

“Are you that worried?”

“Yeah, actually. You’re going to be in the field during Fight Night, babe. Pretty fuckin’ scary.”

“I’ll be above all the fighting. I could be on the ground like Ayame, want me to switch?”

“No, I just-” He pauses, and you listen as he takes a deep breath before continuing. “I want you to be safe, but I’m not fighting with you. You need to do your job just like I have to do mine.”

“Sorry for getting shitty. I also get worried, and you freaking out doesn’t help me not freak out.”

“I know, and I’m sorry too. We’ll get through tonight and then we’ll kiss and make up for real.”

“You’re so corny, but I love you.”

“I love you too. Be safe, I’ll get you tonight.”

“Is there an approved alternate to look out for?”

“Bakugou or Midoriya. But let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.” 

“Yeah, always.” And you’re hanging up, needing to be ready to get into the helicopter. It wasn’t your favorite place to be, but it was a lot better than being on the ground. At least you both agreed on that part. The rest could be dealt with later - after things had settled down and you were safely snuggled with him in one of your beds. 

You could see the smoke and flames from the rooftop as you followed your cameraman to the helipad, the distant sounds of what could only be described as a riot creating a pit of nerves in your stomach. You know better than to worry too much about Eijirou and Bakugou; they were professionals and an incredible team. They wouldn’t let the other get seriously hurt out there - you were much more concerned about the civilians. 

Last year they had a lead on where Fight Night would be starting, so they could get a head start on evacuating residents and helping with getting shops secured to reduce collateral damage as much as they could. Despite weeks of patrolling and undercover work, they couldn’t get a solid lead on dates or locations for the third annual Fight Night - meaning that nobody was prepared to leave their homes or secure their businesses. 

“Let’s go!” You have to tear your eyes away from the distant scene so you can get into the helicopter to do your job. It was too late to lament, tomorrow you could bug Eijirou about potential safer alternatives heroes might be interested in endorsing to prevent a fourth annual Fight Night. 

You’re careful as you strap yourself in, making sure that you are secure in the seat before getting the rest of your equipment ready. Everything was going to be fine, you just have to repeat that through takeoff and again when you’re over all the action. It’d only been about an hour and the streets were already crazy. It looked like blockades were in place to keep the “hot zone” contained, but there were a couple fires that needed attention as well. Hopefully the action didn’t breach containment, nobody was ready for that. 

It’s difficult to do your work well when you personally know some of the heroes down there trying to contain the action. It felt much more personal when you know that last year Bakugou had three cracked ribs and one broken rib and Eijirou had suffered a horrible concussion while trying to minimize the damage and round up the fighters. They’d be okay this year, they survived last year after all, but that doesn’t ease the worry you feel for them.

The path of the helicopter gets jerky, and you hear the pilot’s cursing under their breath as they try to stabilize, and your hand grips the stability bar to stay steady and continue your work. Was this faulty mechanics or the work of a quirk? The helicopter seemed to be fine until you were closer to the action, which had you learning more towards a quirk, but you can’t think about it too hard because the bird jerks a second time - this time to avoid something that had been thrown into the air. 

“Hang on!” The pilot’s warning has you gripping the safety bar tighter, continuing to report on the scene below as the helicopter tilts to avoid debris that had been thrown. You hear a tear and look to your cameraman just in time for the helicopter to move again, the force of the sudden movement throwing you forward. Where you thought the safety harnesses would keep you in place, instead you found yourself being flung out of the bird and falling to the ground below, with the sound of the helicopter feeling impossibly far away as you fell further away with each passing second. 

Your life wasn’t flashing before your eyes like you’d expected, all you could think about was Eijirou and how sorry you were that you’d miss his birthday. He wanted dinner and a threesome (if you and Bakugou could look at each other for longer than just a minute), and he wouldn’t-

“I got ya.” The voice is all too familiar as you crash into a hard chest, and your eyes open to see Bakugou looking down at you while his other hand propels you further out of the hot zone. “You okay?”

You can only nod, your eyes closing at the sound of the impact of his boots on the concrete and the hiss of pain that left him. He’d hurt himself saving you, that wasn’t good considering the battlefield out in the streets he’d have to deal with all night. “Stay put, alright?” You nod again, but you know your silence isn’t satisfactory when he grunts a little bit. His hands are careful as the cup your cheeks, forcing eye contact as he brings his face closer to yours. “You sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine.” You swear his thumb is stroking your cheek, but you could be imagining it since you needed some kind of comfort. Bakugou wouldn’t do something so familiar. 

“Gonna stay put?”

“Yeah.” It's the gentle nudge to your cheek by his gloved knuckle that has you almost choking, watching with a new appreciation as Bakugou runs to rejoin the fight. Your eyes burn with what you knew were tears, but you’d blame the smoke in the air if anybody caught you like this. “Please be careful!”

“Yeah, yeah!”

“Asshole,” you mutter under your breath, looking over your shoulder as the paramedics run towards you. You were okay, thanks to Bakugou, and you hoped he was able to tell Eijirou that he’d made the save somehow - you didn’t need him getting hurt because he was worried about you while you were perfectly fine and on the ground. 

You’re disconnected from all the equipment so there was no way you’d be able to truly continue working, so you do what you can on the ground. The paramedics were shooed away from you to go help people who needed them more, and you shed your jacket before you start looking around the streets for any civilians who hadn’t made it out of the hot zone before it actually got like this. From what Eijirou had told you, there was almost always a child hiding under something in disaster zones, or someone may be trapped in a building where the door was blocked. Look low first, then look high to make sure no debris would be falling, then look middle. Always get people to the evac zone for emergency services to handle from there. You could do that. 

Looking after fellow residents wasn’t only a job for the heroes.

[so-i-did-this-thing]

If you wanna know how it's going in Florida as a trans person: we have 3 very scary bills proposed (SB1674, HB1421, SB254) which stand to block - for adults - insurance coverage, bathroom access, and possibly even most transition care itself (not a ban, but still effectively one due to a whole slew of restrictions, including to telemed).

Crow and I had planned on moving to CT before the presidential election, but I needed to figure out an emergency timeline if a bill blocks access to my HRT and I can't find another local provider.

So, I made a spreadsheet of when emergencies could trigger and when I might need to stretch my T stash out while I flee Florida. Worst case: a bill immediately goes into law the day I pick up my next refill and I get denied. (Remember, testosterone is a controlled substance and it is a felony if I try to DIY.)

Every time I pick up my testosterone Rx, I can shift this emergency date further into the future. And if the bad bills fail, this emergency scenario goes away.

But looking at my closest "get the hell outta Dodge" date made me realize I need to step up on packing things I know can sit in storage for a while. Hence, all the bins.

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.

If you're in a state like Florida that is proposing to effectively ban your care, start planning *now* so you know when you might have to make some difficult decisions. Start researching other providers and what you'd need to do for access.

I'm sharing my thought process not to scare trans people, but to give a bit of a framework for this decision-making, be it moving, saving money to pay costs OOP, hopping providers, etc. My emergency dates are based on when my HRT runs out and (for now) doesn't reflect upon the bills' current movement.

I know I am privileged to be able to leave now with most of my things, and am using that to go ahead and make a safe haven in my new home for friends fleeing in less ideal scenarios who would need temporary housing.

Thanks to all my friends reaching out with support. Our safety next is strong enough to where hopefully we should just need a place to crash with 3 cats on the drive up.

Good luck, stay safe, fight as long as you can, and afford yourself all the grace you can muster.

[annieqattheperipheral]

Go give him a follow!!

Full article behind $wall:

When Travis Dermott takes the ice in Los Angeles on Tuesday night, he plans to do so without the strip of Pride tape that thrust the Arizona Coyotes defenseman into the middle of one of the NHL’s most controversial topics over the weekend.

“I think the one game probably ruffled enough feathers and got enough attention,” Dermott told The Athletic on Monday night.

This is not a case of the 26-year-old being silenced or deterred, though.

Not exactly.

Some 48 hours after he skated in defiance of a new NHL rule that prohibits players from displaying “cause messaging” on their equipment by wrapping Pride tape around the shaft of his Warrior stick on Saturday afternoon, Dermott had yet to even be contacted directly by any league officials.

However, given the chance to gauge the immense amount of coverage and attention his act of LGBTQ+ allyship received and with some time to reflect on how it may have put members of the Coyotes organization in an awkward position, he figures his point had effectively been made.

And that there still exist other avenues for him to continue to make it.

“The war’s not over. Definitely not, by any means,” Dermott said. “You don’t want to fully back off and zip your mouth up when something like this happens, but you’ve got to find the right game plan to attack it with.

“Where you’re supporting your organization and not making them look bad, and you don’t want to step on the league’s toes and really start a fight with them, but still tell them that I think this stuff’s important.”

Dermott didn’t consult with management, the coaching staff or any of his peers before wrapping the rainbow-colored tape around the shaft of his stick shortly before a 2-1 win over the Anaheim Ducks at Mullett Arena.

It’s a practice he’s regularly followed dating to his days in the AHL, and the only reason it took until the fifth game of Arizona’s season for him to use the tape again was that he was awaiting a new shipment after misplacing his previous batch during an offseason move from Vancouver.

Dermott was aware of the new NHL regulations, but he felt it was important to continue showing support for a cause and a community that are near and dear to his heart.

“None of the players really saw me put it on my stick,” Dermott said. “It was kind of just an: ‘All right, I’m doing this, and we’re going to deal with the consequences and move forward, and hopefully I’ll have a positive impact on some people that needed that positive impact.’”

While it’s not surprising that Dermott would put himself out there in the name of supporting the LGBTQ+ community given his long history of doing so — “I had someone close to me who is in that community and wasn’t completely comfortable coming out, and still hasn’t, actually,” he said — it makes it all the more notable that he did so at a time when he’s fighting to re-establish himself in the league.

Dermott was limited to just 11 games with the Canucks last season because of lingering concussion issues and is playing on a two-way contract now that would see him paid at a reduced rate if the Coyotes elect to send him to AHL Tucson.

In his skates, it would have been far easier to do nothing given the current climate at the NHL’s head office.

So why did he instead become the first player to defy a rule that’s generated considerable consternation in dressing rooms across the continent?

“It’s easy to forget that it’s a battle if it’s not in front of you,” Dermott said. “If you don’t see it every day, if it’s swept under the rug, if it’s just hidden from the naked eye, it’s easy to forget that there’s a group of people that don’t feel like they belong because the majority of people do feel like they belong.

“Once we stop thinking about that, I think that’s when it gets dangerous.”

Dermott openly acknowledges that he experienced some anxiety in the wake of Saturday’s game. He never imagined the reaction would be as significant and widespread as it was. That started to dissipate when it became clear the Coyotes were willing to stand alongside him.

“The reaction that I’ve gotten is complete support from my team,” Dermott said.

He did note that he apologized to the equipment staff for using the Pride tape without telling them.

“They’re the ones that are supposed to make sure that all of our gear is up to spec and legal and all that stuff,” he said. “I did feel a little bit like I betrayed those guys. … But I think at the same time they’re so good at understanding and they know that I wasn’t being malicious toward them.”

The challenge now is finding ways to keep supporting Pride initiatives against the backdrop of the new NHL rules.

The Coyotes are scheduled to host their Pride night on Friday — the first team to do so since the league clarified its regulations in an Oct. 9 memo distributed to teams — and Dermott is still working through his own plans to mark that occasion.

“My Instagram will probably be more active from here on out,” he said. “I’m going to be actively finding ways now that I don’t completely shut up and … don’t piss off the league and (comply) with their rules.

“But, yeah, I’m still here. The fight’s not over. We’re going to continue to talk about this. And if the league doesn’t want it to be on league time then we’ll find other ways.”

Like many of his peers, Dermott was emotional when he found out the NHL was prohibiting cause messaging this season. That decision came out of June’s board of governors meeting after a handful of players created headlines last season by refusing to join their teammates and wear Pride sweaters during warmups.

“You can see it as the league’s taking away our voice,” said Dermott. “We can’t speak. We don’t have any of this expression anymore. I feel like that’s a valid way to think, and it’s easy to kind of see it that way. A lot of people do, and I’m sure will continue to.

“It’s such a fine line where the league wants to look good and the league wants to support all of these things, but you also don’t want all of the negativity that can come from someone not supporting it and you don’t want to force people who don’t support something to support something, and I completely understand that point of view.

“I can take a step back and see that, hands down, no problem. But at the same time, you’d love for players to still be able to express themselves if they would like. You’d love to still have that.”

Dermott speaks passionately about the people he’s met in the LGBTQ+ community since first publicly supporting the cause. Through heart-to-heart conversations, he’s learned that it’s sometimes the most outgoing personalities in a room who privately benefit from seeing an NHL player “with a strip of tape on their stick.”

“I don’t hear of many people really spending time with the LGBTQ community and feeling pushed away from them,” said Dermott. “You only get more comfortable with stuff like that and you learn that they’re people, too — completely normal people that have the majority of the exact same life as you, so why would we treat them differently just because of who they’re interested in or not interested in?

“It just seems insane to me.”

And to many others, it seems. Dermott was overwhelmed with the outpouring of support that followed his decision Saturday. He estimates that the tone of those messages was “99.99 percent positive.”

“As athletes, we have such a great platform to spread love, and I think if we’re not spreading that love then what the hell are we doing?”

[ask-swansea]

Hello, sir!

Any tips for someone starting a new job? Not exactly my first one, but hey, can't get enough words of wisdom from someone more experienced!

Find yer community. If you want to be able to succeed at a job it's important to find friends within' it; people you can depend on and also help out in return. Say in a few months you're really ill and need coverage? Well hopefully you've made a few friends and one is willing. It also just makes the job less lonely; yer bound to have tough days, and having someone to talk to especially when they can understand on a practical level? Helps out plenty. Don't give up. It'll start tough, maybe even scary, but you've got this kiddo.