#hope y'all didn't think I'd forgotten about you

[isa-ghost]

God, it's no fucking wonder Ghosties get so defensive of him whenever people get too heated about his rp characters and stuff.

I've had plenty of spats with Ghosties who have gotten a bit too toxic about that kinda stuff (let's not even get into what Purgatory did to all of us Bolas & Soulfire watchers, or the current TRSMP stuff......). I'm sure even now I have some blocked and I just dr who on my blocklist is a Ghostie that maybe deserves a second chance. But Jesus Christ, ever since QSMP's fall from grace I've gained so much sympathy for Bad, and I understand why you guys get so vicious now. Even if I still condemn it and wish those who Do get way too mean would step back and realize they're mad about friends playing Minecraft.

Like I can be aggravated by the aggression without blaming y'all for it, if that makes sense? Some Ghosties do 100% need to chill the fuck out, but there are plenty of people who attack y'all and Bad to an unreasonably degree that also need to chill the fuck out too. I wish more people recognized it's a two way street, and realized where a lot of this defensiveness comes from. Bad and his community have put up with this kinda shit for going on 5 years, maybe even longer.

Even 1-2 years ago I was openly posting Bbh crit for a couple reasons, but I don't think I'd say I ever genuinely hated him? I'd like to think the crits were really fair of me, and even if things I've said have been emotionally charged, I've never said like. Fuck that guy, hope he dies, or whatever, y'know? It's always been genuine and nuanced at its core, as I try to be with all the discourse I weigh in on.

Like even during peak Purgatory when tensions between us Bolas watchers and Soulfire watchers (esp Ghosties, given Bbh did most of the work sending Bolas into manic hysteria) were UNBEARABLE and I was genuinely frustrated by things, I still didn't hate him. I actually have a post that TO THIS DAY gets notes thanking Bad for being a little shitgoblin the way he was because it gave us Bolas watchers such a weirdly special and chaotic thing that a lot of us still hold dear, even despite the boiling hatred we have for Purgatory and all the bullshit it caused as a whole.

And in the wake of everything between DSMP and QSMP, I don't think I could ever hate him now. Hearing things from Ghosties and even non-Ghosties is just solidifying that further. When the eggs were in and out of hiatus in 2024, and then Shade & Lumi left the team, I felt so fucking awful that Bad had to watch everyone else get their kids back while he had to "make do" with basically all the other eggs instead of his own (I know he was an honorary Richas parent and all that, but you get what I mean.) And then he lost Richas too. I'd argue he was the one holding out the hardest for QSMP to work itself out, and it just. Didn't. He got burnt by it all so fucking hard, I've felt terrible for him ever since.

I may not really watch him, and I may still get frustrated by his rp characters at times, but I don't hold anything against him. Especially because I see what a good person he is overall, and I've never forgotten how much shit he's had to put up with, even from some of my faves.

Bad puts his heart and soul into EVERYTHING he does, he has patience levels I couldn't even dream to have myself, and the lengths he goes for people he cares about are astronomical. And that's just what we know he's done, while everything he's done behind the scenes is implied. I think sometimes he's straight up too nice and forgiving for his own good, but that takes strength in itself in a way.

As he moves further and further away from the Dteam, I feel much more confident in standing up for him (the association was the main reason I've kept my distance). Same goes for the Ghosties who are cool and capable of talking about tension in a civil way.

So long as y'all are chill like that, I have your backs. I totally understand why you guys can get so prickly, and to a certain degree you guys deserve to be.

I wouldn't call myself a Ghostie exactly but I've been around since 2020 and I think we need to talk in detail about how Bad has been legitimately used and abused by the Dr*m Team. Especially now that he's making more noticeable moves to get the hell away from them.

Given I'm just on the outskirts of his community, my only starting points are their weird obsession with constantly threatening and joking about harming his dog (like during Jackboxes back in the day), and giving him 0 credit or acknowledgement for hosting the DSMP server.

But there is so so so so so so much more and I want this post to be a sounding board for the hardcore Ghosties who are sick of watching their guy get treated like shit constantly.

Go ahead and use this post to air them out, guys.

[jacks347]

The temptation to make a fic where Bug gets left behind in the escape cause of their leg and they force the others to go on without them and then as they reach the exit they just hear Bug scream as the guards catch them is so incredibly strong

(Hello Bug Army, I may not be an artist but I am one of you :P)

[sebuckyverse]

roommates [chapter 1]

modern!eddie munson x fem!reader

series summary: Eddie Munson broke your heart once. Now, you have no choice but to move in with him. warnings: 18+ cussing, angst, sort of enemies to lovers lol; lmk if i missed anything word count: 1,8k a/n: hello i'm back!! happy valentines day to all my besties and my wife of course! i'm celebrating my birthday today so as a gift to you, i give you a new series! i'm nervous about this bc i'm convinced this is trash lmao LET ME KNOW WHAT Y'ALL THINK babes ps! i originally didn't intend to give this an era, but due to some things that happen in future chapters this turned out modern again lol sorryy

masterlist ↡ askbox ↡ next chapter ↠

chapter one ♫♪♩·.¸¸

''Absolutely not!''

''Come on, he's not that bad.''

''No, Steve. I'd rather sleep on the streets.''

''You'd rather be homeless then live with him?''

''Yes.''

Steve sighed, hands on his hips, striking his signature mom pose. ''What the hell happened between you two, anyway?''

''What, he hasn't told you?''

''He's told me his version of events. You on the other hand, never seem to want to talk about it.''

Sighing, you stared into the glass sat in front of you, filled with clear liquid with a greenish hue underneath, twirling the small paper umbrella Steve added as a joke.

''It doesn't matter. What Eddie Munson and I once had, or didn't have, theoretically, is in the past.''

''Then take the room. You're both working, you'll hardly ever see each other.''

Dragging your words, you nervously played with the ends of your hair. ''I don't know...''

''Look, I gotta open the doors. You can stay in the back office tonight if you want, there's an uncomfortable leather couch with your name on it. I'd let you crash at ours, but Nance has been... emotional.''

''She okay?'' you winced, hopping of the barstool you had been sitting on the last hour.

''She thinks she can feel the baby kicking but then she realizes that it's far too early for that and starts crying.''

''Oh,'' you cooed. ''She's just excited.''

''Yeah, I know. I'm excited, too.''

You closed the door to the office space that would be your bedroom for the night. It was small, but held a small desk with various papers scattered on it, a bookshelf half empty and as promised, a worn out brown leather couch. Dropping your purse on the desk, you retrieved your phone and sat down on the couch. You rested your head on the back of the couch, eyes closed, nearly falling asleep if it weren't for the sudden rock music booming outside. You'd almost forgotten you were at Steve's place of work, a bar downtown called the Black Room.

Staring at the bleak ceiling, you bit the inside of your cheek when you felt your eyes getting watery. For the past year, after graduating high school, you had been working your ass off at a local diner across town. You were saving money for college, and other things, since you didn't receive the scholarship you hoped would change your life. Every time you got a paycheck, you withdrew some of it and kept it aside. In the year since you started working, the saved amount wasn't big, but it was still significant to you and you were proud of yourself for keeping it and not spending the money like that little devil on your shoulder keeps suggesting sometimes.

But all of that was now gone, and all it took was a simple mistake of trusting the wrong person and all of your hopes and dreams came crashing down, taking your money with it. To save some money, you moved in with an old friend from high school, Jennie. What you didn't know, was that Jennie was also a pathological liar, who was in financial debt and to ease those debts, found the money you had kept hidden under your mattress (a dumb place to hide money, you know that) and stole it to pay off some of her debts.

Throwing Jennie out was not an option unfortunately, the apartment lease was under her name, so without much thought, you turned on your heel and marched right back out. Heading down the street, you had no idea where you were going. You made it two blocks from your home and nearly collided with a lamp post, when the sound of a bus horn somewhere behind you brought you back to reality. You hopped on the bus that stopped a few feet away from you and headed straight downtown to the Black Room, where you knew Steve would be working tonight.

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

You must have fallen asleep at some point, because the next thing you knew, something was kicking at your feet.

''My, my... Look what the cat dragged in.''

You'd recognize that voice anywhere; deep, sometimes raspy from all the cigarettes he likes to smoke, or at least he used to. It's the voice you used to hear late at night, reading a book out loud when you couldn't sleep due to the thunder outside, or when that same voice used to whisper sweet nothings in your ear when you weren't feeling well. It's also the voice that, one day, in less than 12 hours, turned from sweet and caring to cold and distant.

Right, you forgot he worked here too.

You were laying on your side, feet hanging off the couch. You opened your eyes and the first thing you saw were pair of black jeans, ripped from the right knee and left thigh, one of his Converse clad foot was kicking your heels. A black Henley with the front tucked into his pants, the unforgettable handcuff belt on full display with the black leather more worn out than the last time you saw it, Eddie was looking down at you like a God above, the ceiling lamp above him casting a glow around his hair, still the same as it was in high school - at least some things never change.

''Edward.'' You pushed up from the couch, wincing at the tired muscles of your back. Steve was right, that couch was shit.

The use of his full name always used to irritate him, but if it bothered him now, he didn't show it. Instead, he clicked his tongue and took a few steps to his left and sat on the desk, his hands resting beside him, gripping the edge of the table. ''Whatcha doing here, sweetheart? Haven't seen you in years.''

''First of all, don't call me that,'' you sighed. ''Second, that's none of your business.''

Eddie smirked. ''You're at my place of work, it's kind of my business.''

''What time is it?'' you felt around for your phone, but didn't find it.

''Oh, it's uh...'' Eddie pulled a phone out of his back pocket, your phone. ''02:14 am.''

''Hey! Give me that,'' you held your palm up.

Eddie looked at your hand for a moment, before handing the phone back to you, the back of his knuckles grazing your palm. You swallowed down the spark you felt speed across your arm. The sleeves of his shirt were pulled up to his elbow, exposing tattoos you had never seen before as well as his toned arms. Doing a quick once over, you noticed his physique was fuller... everywhere. Does he work out? He was pretty tall and lanky back in high school, but now he looked like he had grown into his body; the jeans were hugging his thighs and his shoulders seemed more defined.

Clearing your throat, you asked, ''Why did you even have that? Is stealing your side hustle now?''

''It was laying on the floor, pardon me. Didn't want to step on it.''

''Fine. Thanks for not stepping on it, I guess,'' you mumbled, keeping your eyes trained on the bookshelf.

''Aren't you gonna ask me what I'm doing here?''

''Don't you work here?''

''Yeah, but not tonight.''

''Okay, I honestly don't care, so...''

''Oh, don't be like that. After all, I'm here to save you.''

You turned to look at him, and that turned Eddie's small smirk into a big Cheshire cat like grin. ''Save me?''

''Steve called me and told me about your predicament.''

Groaning, you threw your head back against the couch. ''God damn Steve.''

''Look, I know we have... history and everything, but I'm only here as a friend. Consider it an olive branch for how things ended back in high school.''

You gaped at him, your eyes bulging and your mouth hanging open. ''Wow. Okay. No, thank you.''

Eddie rolled his eyes. ''You have nowhere else to go.''

''Yes, I do,'' you lied, and very obviously so. You were never any good at it.

''Then why are you sleeping on this fucked up couch?''

Gritting your teeth, you rolled your eyes and looked away from him. Damn Steve and his loud mouth, you were going to hit him on the head. Eddie sighed and got up from the desk, coming closer and crouching next to the couch.

''The offer stands 'til the end of the week. You need a room and I need a roommate now that Steve's gone. I work here every Wednesday through Saturday and after that I usually sleep for two days to get ready for my next shift. We'll hardly ever see each other.''

''Tonight's Wednesday and you're not working.''

''I needed a personal day,'' he winked.

''You know, I've heard about your gigolo way of life.''

Eddie laughed, his eyes shining in the process. ''Gigolo?''

''You're a manwhore.''

Snorting, Eddie rested his hand on his palm, covering his mouth. ''Is that what Steve told you?''

''Are you denying it?'

''No,'' he mused, his voice muffled behind his fist.

''See, that's why I can't move in. I don't want to hear that every night.''

''You used to like hearing me moan in your ear.''

Eddie must have seen the hurt flash across your eyes, since he suddenly grew quiet himself.

His voice was lower now, more serious. What he said next, made you whip your head around and look at those big, chocolate brown eyes that you used to miss so much. ''I know you hate me, I understand that. Despite what happened back then, I still care about you. As a friend, of course. Yes, I sleep around and I am a man so the place is probably messier than you'd like, but I'm offering you a free place to stay. I know you don't have any money either, I'm good to cover us both for a while. Take it or leave it.''

''Why would you do this?'' you asked, looking deep into his eyes, like you were searching for his soul through them.

Sitting so close to him, your chest constricted at all the memories and what if's that have bombarded you throughout the years. Three years after you fled high school, never looking back, he still had a hold on you and you hated him for it. Hated the way he smelled exactly the same but new at the same time, the way he looked like he used to but more mature, the way you still felt your heart nearly burst out of your throat when he looked at you with those stupid brown eyes. You despised him, because after all this time, you still felt the same. If you do this, you had to keep your heart closed, lock it away and swallow the key. Eddie Munson broke your heart once, you won't let him do it again.

''Fine. I'll take it.''

[sunnys-out]

I've loved you for so long (1) | Lucy Bronze

A/N: Hello! I haven't written in so long but here is something that I have been working on since the WC (she's a short one I know). I didn't post it earlier because I was moving and starting a new job but everything has calmed down and I had time to edit it. Please let me know what y'all think and hopefully, I can post the 2nd part soon! If you like my writing maybe through in a suggestion and I'll try my best! :D

Content: Angst, Fluff if you squint

{Word Count: 2004}

______________________________________________________________

I've loved you for so long

Oh, I'd forgotten how it feels

Feelings come back strong

'I've Loved You For So Long - The Aces'

Lucy and I had met, informally, in 2015 in Canada, we never played against each other in that World Cup but that didn’t stop us from bumping into each other at Tim Hortons. The couple of times that we ran into each other at the World Cup caused small conversations and laughs that left me wanting more. God, even just her smile left me wanting. 

I didn’t message her throughout our respective seasons right after the World Cup but sometimes I’d click on her Instagram profile and just scroll and see her thrive in Manchester City. Well I did drum up the courage to message once.

‘It’d probably be weird if I messaged her out of the blue right?... I mean it has been weeks  since Canada?’ I told myself as I lay on my small apartment couch in Portland.  

My thumb hovered over the send button with a slight tremble.

“Fuck it” My thumb harshly hit the screen and the quick ‘Wanted to say that you had an amazing tournament. Shame we never played against each other ♥️That goal against Canada was a banger meant to send that in Canada lol!”  message was delivered.

 I swear I threw my phone onto the other side of my couch and took a shower not expecting to see two notifications sent five minutes after me.

‘Lucy Bronze liked your message’

‘Lucy Bronze: ‘means a lot. Hope to see you again soon, miss world champion ⭐️⭐️⭐️’

I didn’t notice the smile growing as I looked at the notifications on the screen. I probably read it 20 times, setting the phone down on my coffee table and pacing the room debating whether I should respond or what I even should respond with. 

“Lucy is funny, maybe I can joke about how it’s been long or maybe just a ‘feeling is mutual’” I said aloud to myself.

‘Why am I getting worked up about this?” My hair is now messy by how many times I redid my ponytail pacing the room for 13 minutes. I kept procrastinating and just settled with getting ready for bed.

‘I’ll just respond tomorrow,’ I said, confidently,  plugging in my phone and placing it on my nightstand. That sentiment lasted about 2 minutes before I walked quickly back into my room picking up my phone, opening the message, and liking Lucy’s before responding. 

Y/N: I would love to see you again! I hope it's somewhere other than Tim Hortons even though I loved that place lol 🙂

My phone immediately locked as I got into bed and turned away from my phone. I closed my eyes tightly trying to go to sleep quickly so that in the rare probability that Lucy would continue the conversation, I could deal with it tomorrow morning, maybe ask Klingenburg for advice. Though she might scold me for fraternizing with the enemy, jokingly of course. Defenders knew other defenders right? Kling would find it funny that a right winger is flirting with a right back.

My thoughts were interrupted by one vibration and then two more in succession. My body slowly turned over to see my phone lit up still and then slowly dimming. My hand, subconsciously, went over, picked up my phone, and opened the messages seeing Lucy liking my message.

Lucy: Let me buy you a cup whenever you’re in Manchester; there are some cafes you’d like here.

Lucy: I would love to show you around 🙂 

I smiled at the messages and immediately replied without a second thought

Y/N: I will let you know because I do need a vacation 🥲

Y/N: And I would love to give you a tour of Portland, the coffee capital of the world. Worth it.

I stared at the messages until I saw a little heart appear on my last message. The little dots of a message incoming made me nervously tap the side of my phone. 

Lucy Bronze: I’ll take that as a promise 😉

Y/N: And I expect that cup of coffee in Manchester is a promise too ☺️

Lucy would only like the message and I would promptly go to sleep after waiting 15 minutes for a message that never came. I tried my best to not think about it but the feeling that came from reading her messages and the smile that would creep onto my face…I wouldn’t forget. 

Hayley Raso came into my life slowly after that. Glances turned to long stares. The lingering touches throughout practice became more than a pat on the back for a job well done. The smiles and laughs echoed off the walls of Providence Park as we walked to our cars until it was just to my car.

The weekly movie nights at my place turned into watching a show and cuddling together after practice for days on end. Another toothbrush appeared in the bathroom and suddenly my queen-sized bed wasn’t as empty. 

Mornings were met with a quick kiss, a hug from behind, and sweet nothings whispered in each other's ear.

Going to practice wasn’t done alone anymore and it was nice to have someone waiting on you if you had to stay behind to see the physio.

It was easy since we were both playing for Portland at the time and the team weren’t surprised when we told them.

 Little by little the Australian would appear in my Instagram photos and I in hers. 

The one that “broke the internet” was Hayley’s post of her kissing me on the cheek at the end of a game when the USWNT and Australia had a friendly. The one that sealed the deal for everyone was my Christmas post of photos of the party I had at my apartment. One, a particular one at the end, Hayley was in my lap while I kissed her. 

Something, however, nagged at me every time I saw a certain person's name pop up “Lucy Bronze liked your post” but I ignored it. I now know it was the feeling of the “what if” and “what could have been”. 

‘Did Lucy not want this with me? Maybe that’s why she never followed up. I probably said something to scare her away. Hayley didn’t run away’ I remember thinking to myself and as if on cue two arms snake their way around my waist. 

“Everything alright babe?” Hayley said into my back, I, immediately, felt my shoulders relax at the sound of Hayley’s voice.

I whispered, “I'm alright, just read some rude comments. You know how some people get”. I lied to Hayley; I was happy in our relationship and shouldn’t be wondering about the “what could have been” with someone that wasn’t her.  

Hayley would then go on to say that she’s told me to never look at the comments because when have the mean ones ever done something for us? She’d led me back to the bedroom to get ready for bed as we had an early practice but not after she promised to take my mind off the “negative comments”...it worked. 

______________________________________________________________

She Believes Cup March 6th, 2016, 

Lucy Bronze’s POV

We hadn’t played the United States in Canada which is a shame to not be able to play the future World Champions. Once, we had heard that we would be playing them in the She Believes Cup. I was excited for multiple reasons.

The US call up was released and I would be playing against (y/n). Since the World Cup, (Y/N) was making a name for herself as a strong right winger and playmaker for Portland and the National team.

On the pitch, she seemed cold and intimidating, but I met her as the complete opposite. 

I was able to just watch her tap her lip with her finger with her US cap on backward as she decided which pastry she wanted with her coffee at that Tim Hortons. She whistled quietly as she waited her turn and then adorably, fumbled through her order. Then humming to herself happily as she waited on the side with her warm croissant covered by a napkin.  

I was in awe of her. I had seen her play before and was always impressed by what I’d seen but never played against her. 

As I went up to order my own coffee and pastry I noticed her scrolling through her phone, laughing to herself. (y/n’s) eyes crinkle when she laughs or smiles really big. She hadn’t noticed me when I stood next to her, also waiting for my drink, there I took notice that she was at least three inches above me and that she sticks out her tongue when she is reading something. 

I breathed in and said loud enough for her to hear as she read, “I won’t tell your trainer if you don’t tell mine” I shook my little bag containing the coffee cake I had just ordered. I chuckled at the little jump she gave when she noticed me.

“Shit, sorry you scared me” a nervous laugh leaving her mouth

I extended my hand, “Sorry bout that. I’m Lucy, Lucy Bronze with England”  

She completed the handshake, “(y/n) (l/n) with the US…obviously” She pointed to her hat that had USA stitched on the back.

The conversation had good enough banter that we both remained at a table for about 2 hours talking about life and football. I could tell you that I fell for the way she looked at me with her gentle (y/e/c) eyes as she described the antics of her new golden retriever puppy named Chili she had adopted when she went to Portland.

I never really was intimidated or made nervous by any American player, especially on the pitch but watching her warm up with an icy cold expression during the She Believes Cup match made me question if the person I met at Tim Horton’s was the same person. 

I don’t think I was nervous but I lost count of how many times I would try to get a glimpse of her as she warmed up. Every time I did I’d feel the blush on my cheeks as I remembered the short text conversation that we had shortly after the World Cup. 

I regretted so much for not following up immediately; I got scared. If (y/n) asked me today why I didn’t respond, I wouldn’t have known what to say to be honest. Lack of courage was what Jill had told me as Jordan patted my back while reading the messages.  

The moment that I finally gained the courage to message (y/n) on Instagram to invite her to Manchester for a visit, was the day when I saw the picture of Hayley Raso kissing her cheek at a friendly. It was the first thing I saw when I opened the app to message her.

I remember my stomach dropping like the feeling when you don’t feel the bottom of a pool. 

I had it all planned in my head that she’d accept and I had a mini itinerary in my head of things she would’ve enjoyed and sightseeing spots. But the photo of her with her face buried in Hayley’s neck as she hugged her made the feeling worse.

Raso had beat me to (y/n) and she didn’t even know it. I kicked myself for not being brave. I would’ve had her in my arms sooner. I tell her all the time that I fell for her immediately and from meeting her I wanted more of her every passing day. 

Just seeing her across the field filled me with the tucked away feelings I had for her. I remember thinking…What I would have given to be there again talking about the most mundane things over coffee. Hearing her try her hardest to tell a joke but failing as she laughs remembering the punch line or even unconsciously speaking with an English accent when we spoke… God, I really loved her for so long.

[bellaxgiornata]

Omg! Happy anniversary for tumblr 😅? I'm so happy you've enjoyed the experience and as a fan of your work I wanna say congratulations!

It's a bit of a silly ask, but how would matt or Michael react to a reader asking if at their future wedding they could have a 'wing' bearer? Like, all du k with a bow tie waddling down the aisle to hand over the rings? A bit silly but a cute idea. Could be taken seriously or not, just wanna know your ideas for it?

Thank you for reading this, hope the pregnancy is going okay!

Ahh thank you so much!! 💕 It's been just over a year that I've been on here so I'm treating it like an anniversary/follower celebration thing because I've never done one before. They always seem fun though and I love interacting with y'all! And yes, the pregnancy is going a little better this week than last week thankfully! I'm nearing the end finally, too!

And you know what? I don't mind silly asks. This actually prompted two different fun dialogues in my head immediately, so hopefully that answers your question! The first one immediately had me thinking of Matt and Reader from FFTD specifically, but the dialogue with Mikey wasn't for any specific Reader. As usual, everything is below the cut!

“What if we had a wing bearer at the wedding?” you asked, lowering your coffee mug to the table.

Matt's head tilted curiously to the side as he paused at the kitchen sink, the dish he was cleaning currently forgotten at the question. “You mean a ring bearer, sweetheart?” 

“No,” you said, shaking your head. “A wing bearer. Like a duck waddling down the aisle with our rings. Maybe wearing a cute little bow tie.”

Matt turned more towards you, both of his dark brows rising up onto his forehead. “You're not seriously suggesting that are you?” he asked. “Do you have any idea how unreliable a duck would most likely be? It'd probably fly away with the rings.” 

“Okay, yeah, maybe,” you agreed slowly. “But it would be adorable. And how many people can say they had a wing bearer at their wedding?”

“Or we could just, you know, ask your nephew,” Matt pointed out. “Like normal people. I'm pretty sure he'd happily dress up like a duck if you asked, anyway. And at least he wouldn't fly away with the rings.”

“I suppose,” you conceded. 

“And honestly, could you imagine if the duck started attacking guests because it was afraid?” Matt mused, returning to washing the plate in his hand. He chuckled lightly, shaking his head. “That'd be a disaster.”

“Well if that was the case,” you replied, picking your mug back up, “then I'd have to remind you of the promise you made to me on our first date. About protecting me from giant ducks.”

“Sweetheart,” Matt began, once more stopping mid-wash of the plate in his hands as he focused back on you from across the kitchen, “please tell me you're not over there actually considering paying to have a massive duck walk our rings down the aisle.”

When you didn't answer immediately, one of his brows quirked up onto his forehead. 

“It was just a thought,” you said in defeat. “But fine. You're right. I'll just ask Hudson instead. That makes more sense.”

“What're ya lookin’ at, love?” Michael asked, settling down onto the sofa beside you. He leaned over, eyes squinting at your phone. “And why does it involve ducks with bow ties?”

“Just working on wedding planning things,” you answered him off-handedly.

“But ducks?” Michael asked again. “What do ducks have to do with our wedding?”

“I don't know,” you said with a shrug, glancing up at him beside you. “I was on this site that had a bunch of wedding vendors listed and stumbled on something called a wing bearer. I was curious so I looked.”

“And what is it?” he asked.

“A trained duck who walks your rings down the aisle,” you answered.

Michael stared at you in silence for a moment before roughly shaking his head. “That's ridiculous,” he muttered. 

“I'm not making it up,” you countered.

“Well I'm tellin’ ya now, pet,” Michael told you, “there's not goin’ to be ducks at the wedding.”

Your eyes narrowed curiously back at him as he settled into the cushions. He somehow appeared to have grown tense now, a note of finality in his tone.

“What about–”

“No ducks,” he stated firmly. “I don't like 'em.”

Lowering your phone to your lap, you eyed him suspiciously. Out of all the time you'd known Michael, you'd never seen him shut a lighthearted conversation down so fast. 

“I feel like there's a story here,” you said slowly.

“No, there's not,” Michael answered, shaking his head again.

“Oh come on,” you pressed, reaching a hand out and lightly squeezing his shoulder. “It's me. You can tell me anything, Mikey.”

Michael shifted, looking at you sitting beside him. His lips were drawn into a straight, unamused line as he studied you for a moment. Then eventually he blew out a rough breath, shoulders sagging. 

“Fine,” he relented. “Back when I was younger I was pissed off my ass and stumbled onto a duck's nest once. She wasn' thrilled and the encounter was…rather unpleasant. Left me with a bruise on my face. Told Jimmy I'd gotten into a fight at the pub. Now I avoid ducks.”

You bit your lip, attempting to fight back an amused laugh as you nodded and tried to shoot him a sympathetic look. But Michael saw right through you, immediately rolling his eyes and shaking his head.

“Forget I said anythin’, pet,” he muttered.

“No, no,” you reassured him, still fighting back a laugh as you patted his shoulder. “I won't invite any ducks to the wedding. I promise.” Clearing your throat, you couldn't help but add, “I couldn't possibly risk starting a war between a Kinsella and one of their known enemies. And on our wedding day, no less.”

Michael shot you a flat, unamused look which had you breaking at the sight. Throwing a hand over your mouth, you tried to quiet the laugh that slipped out. 

“Hilarious, love,” Michael deadpanned. “I expect ya not to tell anyone ‘bout this, ya know.”

“Of course,” you said behind your hand, still trying to fight down the laugh. “Your secrets are always safe with me, Mikey.”

He rolled his eyes again, but when you saw him crack a grin, you finally loosed the laugh you'd been holding back.

[aro-rambles]

Hello! My Blog isn't aspec related so I thought I'd share my two cents here

The recent aro hate on this website is INSANE. As someone who is new to tumblr, seeing this in a predominantly queer-centred website is unfathomable.

Equating aro people to "no strings attached" is illogical and stems from the allo-amato notion that there are strings to be attached in the first place. Physical pleasure and emotional fulfilment are two completely separate concepts.

Portraying cishet aro men as people who are just leading on the poor women infantilizes women. This is just misogyny packed as discourse. If a cishet aro person is indeed being a dickhead, they're just a dickhead and we can all call them out on that like we call out any other dickhead

To the queer people equating aromanticism to pedophilia, how do y'all not remember that how gay men were treated back in the day? How we were cordoned off from society to "protect the children"? Do better, people

To the aspec people being accused of doing this just to be able to use a slur, fuck that. The exclsionists seem to have forgotten what a reclaimed slur means, or what queer means. Queer simply mean strange. Have they.. forgotten that aroace people are the queerest ones out there. Challenging not only heteronormativity but also allonormatovity and amatonormativity. They're the ones being called weird for not dating or having crushes or swooning over the random hot guy on the street or fantasizing about a white wedding. The ones treated as immature by their peers for not having a partner yet. And people think they aren't queer?

Fuck the exclsionists. I LOVE your posts. I'm sure I'm surrounded by people hating in anon in your ask box and I'm sending them all the hate in my heart. I love your blog and the aro community is one of the most inclusive I've seen on here. Love y'all and stay strongggg

ok so I'm very sleepy and my brain is like some sort of sauce currently so I'm gonna put numbers before each thing I say bc it's easier, don't worry about it

1 thank you for sharing your two cents, I think I agree with everything you said (can't be sure bc my brain is some sort of sauce currently but I'm sure I'd have noticed if I disagreed)

2 I want to go on The Slur Rant (tm) so bad but the internet is simply not prepared for it and I would rather not have to deal with the annoying fucks who'd disagree with me. not sure why I said this or why I got so aggressive at the end of that last sentence but here we are.

3 I'm sure there was something else I wanted to say before what I'm gonna say next but I forgot, sorry

4 my dude you are not in fact surrounded by hate in my askbox!! there's actually more nice messages than anything else <2 and also whenever I get anon hate I just block on sight now so it's fine. but yeah I would like to thank everyone for the kind words and everything. I love yall except for the ones who rather I didn't, in which case take your pick, we got uhhh cherish, appreciate, like but stronger, and. :3 (<- consider this a verb).

5 thank youuuuuuuu <222

6 sorry I took a while to answer this ask hope you see it even though I'm posting this at horrible hours gdhdjdjdk

[kairiscorner]

Hello and goodevening po!! Can I ask for a Miles x Gn!Filipino!Reader where the two have been bsfs since like middle school and they've just started dating and one day reader's family invites him over for dinner where they serve adobo and pork sinigang, and him and the parents are just casually talking while the little siblings are being complete chismosas abt y'all and stuff and when your finally only with him in your room and everything is romantic your brothers are lit just stalking y'all and suddenly teasing you and your just chasing them out embarassed 😭

(Aaah i'm really writing this in the notes app for practice bcs this is my first request but i just can't get this out of my head 😭😭😭, also pls take your time on this time, don't need to rush and gl on that miguel fanfic!! <33)

AH HI !! DWDW, thank you btw <:DD (mgee it's just sitting in my gdocs collecting dust LOL) BUT GOOD LUCK WITH WRITING THAT TOO ON YOUR END, I HOPE YOU LIKE WHAT I MADE <333

(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too <:D)

gonna admit it? miles x gn!filipino!reader

summary: you and miles are just really good friends, but your family wishes you two were a little more than that–and your siblings are eager to witness how in love you both are with each other. word count: 1,184

you invited miles over for dinner, which was common practice in your family's household. he wasn't any stranger to this custom, in fact, he treated your family as if they were his own. he got along with your parents quite well, calling them 'tio' and 'tia' and extending his hand out to them to receive their blessing. he was who your parents wanted for you, a decent guy who was respectful, cheerful, helpful and loving–but you and miles swore there was nothing going on between you two.

"i just really care about them a lot, tio, tia." he said as he got himself another bowl of adobo. you pretended to gag as you got yourself a pork sinigang, which miles rolled his eyes and smirked at. you two had this silly little rivalry between you two where all friendships would be forgotten when adobo and sinigang were on the table; he always chose adobo, and you always chose sinigang–never the other way around. your parents chuckled to each other and shot a devious look at you and asked you if you and miles weren't lying, to which you chortled out your response. "siyempre naman po, i'd never pick a boy who'd choose adobo over sinigang, no..." you muttered as miles made a yapping motion with his hand that mocked your expression as you spoke, eliciting laughter from your younger siblings as he laughed along silently with them.

you shot them an intimidating look and kicked miles lightly in the shin to get him to stop being so smug as your parents smiled to themselves, finishing their meals as you and miles still bickered in a friendly way on how adobo and sinigang are better than the other. you loved miles, apart from his–what you believed–very twisted way on taking the adobo versus sinigang debate, and was extremely happy to be his friend. you have known miles ever since middle school, and since then, you two have never been anywhere without the other. most of your friends had shipped you and him together, going on and on about how cute of a couple you two would be.

your family was obviously no stranger to this incessant pairing between you two, and you were relieved they liked miles enough to treat him like he was family, but you absolutely hated how annoying they got whenever you mentioned him or they saw your posts on instagram with him in the pictures. like tonight, your parents kept asking you subtly (and not so subtly) for hints between you two, if you two changed your minds and were secretly dating now, or...? well, you didn't have to think about your answer too much, because the answer was the same as always: siyempre, hindi.

your parents pretended to believe you as you and miles were going to head upstairs to your room to just hang out, your dad stopped miles on the way and reminded him not to do anything stupid with you, and shot you a look of warning, as well, as your mother chimed in and told you the living room was a better option to 'hang out'. you tried telling your parents nothing weird or dangerous would happen anyway, while miles poked fun at you from behind to entertain your little siblings–making silly faces behind your back as you spoke.

you turned around quickly as soon as your parents finally let you and miles go, smiling a little at miles' funny faces. you rolled your eyes at him as you took him by the hand and dragged him up along the stairs. your little siblings followed you two up without you knowing, and they were giggling to themselves as they snooped around and watched you two, hoping you two would finally kiss.

you and miles just sat on tour bed together, not really doing much but just teasing each other. miles really refuses to let go on his love for adobo, and you refuse to let down your stance that sinigang is superior. amid your friendly argument, you started to tickle miles to get him to let up his side. miles cried out for you to stop tickling him through peals of laughter as you laughed alongside him and tickled him even more. your siblings were watching you both by the door and squealing in delight to themselves as they took out their phones to film and capture this moment, while also debating on which ship name would be better for you two.

your tickle fight with miles wasn't one-sided, as miles tickled you back with full force, causing you to squeal out in laughter as you tried to subdue him. your siblings watched the whole scene unfold, and their hopes that you two would get closer was fulfilled when miles accidentally got on top of you as his tickling got a little out of hand. you both quit tickling each other and laughing as you were both now face-to-face with each other so up close. "i... i can, um, sorry. i-i'll get off now." miles stuttered in embarrassment as he tried to get off you, but you held him by the shoulders and gently pulled him back down closer to you. "huwag, ah... please stay." you pleaded with him as your face felt hotter as you pulled him closer.

miles smiled as he got more flustered in the face and did as you asked him to. "alright, but you'll admit adobo is better, right?" he asked you in a teasing voice as you cursed him out playfully and smacked him lightly on the arm. your siblings couldn't handle it anymore and squealed loudly as you two got closer. they screamed in utter delight at how adorable you two looked, and as you heard them, you momentarily got off from under miles and creaked the door open slowly as your siblings celebrated your admission of feelings towards him--well, almost admission of feelings, at least.

you coughed loudly, which made your siblings turn to face you slowly, as a raging fire was kindled up in your eyes, you screamed at them and told them to hand you their phones and never to speak of what they witnessed to any living soul, ever. "SINASABI KO SA INYO, MUMULTUHIN KO KAYO, KAHIT PAG PATAY NA AKO, 'PAG PINAKITA NINYO SA KAHIT SINO YAN, HUMANDA KAYO SAKIN!" you exclaimed as your siblings ran away from you, with miles poking his head out the door as he watched you hunt down your siblings and see them begging for mercy from you as you waved your slippers around to scare them even more. he chuckled as he leaned against the door frame, calling out to them, "hey, send me the videos and pics! i gotta have a copy of them!"

you berated miles from a distance as you kept threatening your siblings never to tell your parents or anyone about what they saw. though miles doesn't mind if anyone else knew about you two like that... he'd like to know from you yourself how much further this 'friendship' between you two will go.

[maxislvt]

If your requests are open, can I request alpha! Agatha x Newly engaged omega R? R has been betrothed to another alpha, their wedding is near. Agatha arrives and realizes that she found her destined omega. Then Agatha will use her power so that the two are together

warnings: omegaverse, a bit sensual at the end

sometimes y'all give me normal requests and then I have not normal thoughts about them

When Agatha was officially crowned queen, she thought she wouldn't have to deal with boring things like balls and coronations. She technically didn't. Smaller kingdoms were happy with some fancy gift and a letter of appreciation, but all her advisors suggested she attend the engagement party held by an equally powerful empire.

Agatha had forgotten how dreadful parties could be when you had no one to talk to. Everyone was throwing themselves at the feet of the alpha and trying to get into their good graces. Lavish gifts and praises were tossed their way over the smallest of things. She was about to fake sick and leave when you showed up.

You were so small and timid. Agatha could tell you weren’t used to the attention. You were constantly twisting the rings on your fingers and kept your gaze focused on the floor beneath you. Most omegas would give a speech or performance after their grand entrance. You simply ran off into the arms of your alpha the second the music stopped — earning a wave of adoration from the rest of the partygoers. Your ears burned bright red and you hid your face from everyone else as your alpha continued talking.

Agatha wasn’t one for rash decisions, but something deep within her brain was screaming that she just had to have you. It was as if your scent was luring her into a trap. You were destined to be her mate. No other omega had such an effect on her. She just had to get you to realize that. All she needed for that was a bit of magic. All Agatha had to do was wait by the drink table.

“Um, are you Queen Harkness?” Your voice was so soft that Agatha would’ve missed it if she hadn’t actively been looking out for it. It felt like you were being crushed underneath her scent. Your body was hot. Of course, you'd developed a bit of a crush on the queen. Between the stories and the handful of times you'd seen her, it was hard not to. "I know you don't normally make appearances at events like this, but I'm honored to have you here." You stiffly extended your arm, hoping she'd shake your hand. Every cell in your body was pulsing and rattling. You worried you'd faint the second she touched you.

Agatha looked down at you with a small smile. "Please, you're going to be in charge soon. Just call me Agatha." She shook your hand and her thumb brushed over the back of your hand. "I'm having a wonderful time here. I was hoping to talk to him, but you're much more delightful." She squeezed your hand affectionately and watched the blush on your face spread to your ears. It was taking a lot in her not to claim you right then and there.

When you opened your mouth to speak, you could only laugh. "Thank you so much! I'm glad you're having fun." You reluctantly retracted your hand once you realized you'd been shaking Agatha's for too long. So many questions were running through your head, but your mouth wouldn't do the work to make them come out. It was just one awkward laugh after the other. "Can…Can I ask you a question?"

The magic. It's always about magic. She'd normally be irradiated by such questions, but you were cute enough to be the exception. "Yes, but I think it'd be better if we talked about it somewhere more private. I'd hate to cause a distraction with it." Agatha watched adoringly as you ran to your alpha for permission. The idea of needing permission to leave didn't settle well with her, but even your alpha seemed confused by you asking for permission.

"The garden is usually empty at this hour but there are plenty of unused rooms if you think it's too cold out." Excitement ran through your veins. Standing still was almost impossible. No one back home practiced magic and your parents had always been apprehensive about letting you study it.

"Well, lead the way." She was shocked to see you grab her hand first. It just felt natural in a strange way. Your hand fit perfectly into hers. Every little thing she noticed just made you infinitely cuter. Agatha couldn't bear the thought of someone else claiming you for themselves. "This is your garden, correct? I heard you help the gardeners a lot."

Your breath hitched as you stepped into the greenhouse. "I was only allowed to help here, but my fiance insists I'm too pretty to be playing in the dirt. Can you believe that?" You clear your throat once you realize how sensitive that information was. "I'm sorry, you didn't ask for all that." Agatha was making it hard to keep your emotions in check. All your emotions seemed to come flooding out. "I think your magic would be more interesting than my relationship problems."

"I wouldn't have asked you to talk if I didn't care about what you thought." The two of you had been talking for only a short time, but Agatha was already obsessed with hearing you talk. "Come on, tell me more about this place. I bet it's more interesting than a few spells I can't let you recite." Her arm wrapped around your shoulders and pulled you close to her. "I wanna hear about these."

You couldn't help but rest your head on Agatha's shoulder. "Oh, all these are gifts from King T'Challa. He and I spent months trying to make these grow here! They're called African Sage. They used to be pink, but I guess all the experiments messed with their color."

Agatha found herself more focused on you than the plants. It's not that she didn't care enough to pay attention, her urges were just constantly bringing attention to your unclaimed neck. Of course, she carried about you and all the science behind how you kept your flowers growing, but it's far from her priority when the only thing between her teeth and your neck is a flimsy piece of fabric she could break with the snap of her fingers.

Magically, it does just that.

Your hands were quick to gather the line of fabric and attempt to put it back on your neck. "I-I'm so sorry. This stupid thing has been slipping off all week, I should've worn a different one. Just give me a minute to find another—"

"No no, it's fine. You can stay." Agatha whispered as she trapped you between her body and the table. She nosed at your neck, taking in your scent properly. "God, you smell even better without that useless thing on." Her lips pressed against the side of your neck. She could feel you shaking in her hands.

It was wrong. You were engaged and belonged to another alpha. No one else should've been touching you like this — but it felt so good. Every inch of your body was on fire. Every ounce of your self-control was focused on not bending over to present right then and there. "Alpha, please," You whimpered pathetically.

The growl that escaped Agatha's mouth was foreign to even herself. It was enough of a wake-up call for her to pull away completely. Her breathing was ragged and uneven. She used her magic to fix your collar and dress as she no longer trusted herself to touch you.

Nearly a full minute passed before you turned around to face her again. Agatha could see every emotion plastered on your face so clearly. Shame, arousal, curiosity, confusion, doubt — part of her hated herself for letting you feel even half of those things.

Despite her best judgment, Agatha reached out to touch you again. This time she tilted your chin upwards and forced you to look her in the eye.

"The next time I have you alone, I will claim you."

[thenotebookwizard]

She-Ra | Defiance CH 14: Legends & Lore

Catra follows Lyra deeper under the world, to an ancient citadel of magic where she will face her fear of magic and hear the forgotten history of the world. Isolated by geography, the magicats remember - even legends of a lost warrior of white and gold unseen for a thousand years.

I hate doing it, because it's such a cliche, but sometimes it happens. This one has an infodump, but I hope I made it interesting. We are heading towards a big reveal and some awesome moments, so this is the calm before the storm.

It is, of course, the longest chapter so far. (I think.)

We aren't going to talk about the last minute, frantic re-write of both scenes that appeared in this chapter. We aren't, because it's embarrassing how much old lore, discarded ideas, and random things I should have already fix appeared in it.

Fun fact! I don't chapter stories as I write them. I just write scenes. Then I make up chapters as I post.

To be honest, I don't mind infodumps in books and fics much at all. I love lore and world building, and if y'all had any idea how much world building and lore I've created for this tory, some of you would sigh and laugh at me.

But man, has it been fun.

World building is one of my favorite parts of long fics like this. While I don't have any of them up anymore, for reasons™ - I was once known for it in other fandoms. Some, I'm not in anymore. Some, I know I could write much better for now. (Revising those fics to put them back up would take a lot of work. I'd rather write new stuff.)

But long fics have room. You can fit so much angst in them! And so much lore and world building. So much. You can add depth, fill in holes, and extrapolate - even make things up where you need to.

There's gonna be a lot of that in this. (Like you didn't notice that when I made up an entire martial art?)

As always, my commenters and readers give me life. Thank you so much for continuing to read!

[sawtastic-sideblog]

This isn't the Gavin idea I posted about, but this is a week of sleep deprivation of writing when I could between work and studying/taking finals.

Tw: talk of death, some violence

Hope y'all enjoy.

"Oi, Y/N, you coming to the footie match?" Gavin asks. You look up from your magazine, staring blankly at him before looking down at your team shirt and back up again. You'd never really liked him, but you got along because of your best friend, Ray.

"Yeah," you answer before turning your eyes back down to the article, but your attention stays on Gavin. You can feel his eyes on you as he sits at the table across from you. You can smell his sandwich.

"Peanut butter and jelly? Really? What are you five?" You ask without looking up.

"My mum made me one before every game. Keeping the tradition alive."

"Ah, so you're superstitious," you say, eyes once again, flitting up towards Gavin. He shakes his head as he chews.

"Nothing like that. I'm just keeping my mum's memory alive. Helps me feel closer to her. Ya know, since she's been gone a full year tomorrow."

Your breath catches in your throat. You knew that. Of course you knew that. You went to the funeral with Ray. You'd just forgotten the dates. You let your eyes fall away from Gavin's as you stumble your apology.

"I'm sorry, Gavin. I didn't realize the date."

"It's okay, Y/N. You don't care about me enough to know these things."

"What things?" Ray asks as he walks into the room wearing his jersey.

"The anniversary of my mum dying."

"They remember it. They just don't know what day it is anymore. The haven't been seeping."

"Ray," you hiss.

"Ah, so, the insomnia has come back, has it? I can help with that," Gavin asks with a glint in his eye.

"Shut up," you say, holding the magazine infront of your face.

"Boys, it's time to go. Big game time," John, Ray's step-dad says.

"Come on, Y/N, time to watch me win us a championship," Gavin says. You roll your eyes and grab your things, following the boys and John to the car.

"Wanna wear my spare jersey? Got my numbers on it," Gavin asks as he opens the car door.

"Get bent," you say as you shove past him into the backseat and crawl all the way to the other side. You hear Gavin chuckle as he gets in the car.

"Go on, Ray!" You yell. You watch as Ray passes the ball over to Gavin. Two of the opposing team's players close in on Gavin, who is running towards the goal. One player tries to get the ball, Gavin dodges. The other player tries for it, Gavin dodges again. He kicks the ball towards the goal. You hold your breath, along with everyone else in the stands.

The ball soars ever so slowly, or so it feels. Your eyes follow the ball as it barely makes it past the goalies hands and into the net. The crowd erupts in cheers and applause. Gavin just won the game!

"Fuck, yes, Gav!" You scream. He looks towards the crowd almost like he's looking for the source of the scream.

Suddenly, he's on the ground. One of the players from the other team is kicking him. You see Ray and some of their other teammates running towards the scene. Ray shoves the player and grabs Gavin as a brawl breaks out between the teams.

You're digging through your bag as Ray brings Gavin over. You hand him the first aid kit from your bag.

"You alright?" You ask.

"I'm great. I think my bloody nose is broken."

"Good game," you say. Gavin's eyes light up and he smiles wide.

"Told you I'd win."

"So you did," you say while looking out at the, now, broken up brawl. Graeme's nose is sideways and John is yelling at him.

"To Gav and his game winning goal!" Graeme shouts into the bar. His voice slightly muted like he's congested. Pretty sure it's just the broken nose.

The team cheers and clinks glasses. You clink your glass against Ray's and go to take a sip.

"Ahem," a voice calls. You pause glass to your lips and turn towards the voice. Gavin holds his glass out to you expectantly. His nose is swollen, but not broken, and bruised and he has a bruise around his left eye.

You roll your eyes, but clink his glass and finally take your sip. Ray grabs your hand and pulls you out to the floor where the two of you dance.

You catch glimpses of Gavin staring at you all night. You can feel his eyes on you when you're turned away. You shrug off the uncomfortable feeling and try to have a good time with your friend.

"Hey, Y/N/N, having a good time?" Ray asks as he sits beside you. You had gone off to a secluded booth to get out of the hustle of the partiers.

"Yeah, just needed to catch my breath."

"Good. Gav is taking me home and asked if you needed a ride."

"Hasn't he been drinking?"

"One beer six hours ago."

"That's not like Gavin," you say surprised.

"He said it was his turn to be the designated driver or some shit."

"Well, how sweet of him. Thinking of others. Decent human being shit," you say sarcastically as you grab your bag. Ray keeps his hand on your upper back as the two of you walk through the crowd.

"Ready to go?" Gavin asks as you approach. You nod and keep walking. You could swear you feel his fingers drag against your wrist. You shrug it off as your drunken imagination and continue out the door.

"See ya, Ray," Gavin says before he slowly rolls forward. He watches the mirror as Ray goes inside. You stare at him as he drives off. You watch the streetlights dance across his features as you pass underneath them. His scruff enticing you with each light you passed.

Before you can stop yourself, your hand is reaching out towards Gavin's face. Your fingertips dance across his jaw. He turns his head toward you and your fingers land on his lips.

"What are you doing?"

"You looked fluffy," you say with a slur to your words. You pull your hand back and Gavin shakes his head and turns back towards the road. You close your eyes and relax into the seat.

"Fluffy?"

"Yeah, but it's more prickly than fuzzy."

"Your drunk," Gavin says laughing. He pulls into your apartment building's parking lot. "Here's your stop. Y/N?"

"Hm?"

"We're at your flat."

"Okay."

"Go on, then. Get out."

"I am," you say, not moving. You hear Gavin sigh and open his door. Moments later your door is opened and someone is leaning over you. They smell really good. You can tell it's Gavin. You seatbelt is unbuckled and your arm is tugged.

"You smell good."

"Thank you, now, come on, Y/N, you gotta help me out."

"I am."

"No, you're sitting in my car, doing nothing to help me."

"Ugh. Just leave me here."

"Wish I could, darling, but I gotta get home."

"Why? You don't have anyone to go home to."

"Ouch."

"Sorry."

"I'm sure you are. Now, stand up."

You lazily move your legs out of the car and stand up. You're very wobbly as you start taking steps. You hear your door close and you feel a hand on your upper arm.

"That's it. Easy does it," Gavin says, leading you to the metal staircase that leads up to your door. The night air gives you a chill and you try to curl into yourself. "You'll be inside in a minute. You can warm up then. Just walk."

Even with you stumbling up stairs, hitting your legs on everything, the two of you manage to your door. You stumble into the wall and stay there, holding yourself up. You pat your pockets.

"My keys."

"I have them. I have your whole bag. You left it in the car," Gavin says as he rummage for your keys. You start to slide down the wall. Gavin catches you, keys in hand. "Nope."

"I'm tired."

"I know. I'm trying to get you inside."

Gavin unlocks the door and opens it. He guides you inside and you stumble over to the couch, where you slump into the cushions. You fall into the throw pillow and hug it close to your body. You hear Gavin set your bag down and walk around the living room.

Suddenly, you're engulfed in a soft, fluffy material. You realize it's a blanket and pull it closer to your body.

"Goodnight, Gav," you say drunkenly. You hear a distant 'Goodnight Y/N' as you fall away, into a deep sleep.

The next morning you wake up with a terrible headache. You regret drinking so much last night. Your eyes scan the blurry room. You see a glass of water and two bottles on the table. You ready yourself and sit up. Your head is aching and your entire body hurts. Your legs sting as you move them to the floor. You see a note and pick it up.

"You kept falling up the stairs. That explains your legs. You tried to get up to go to the bathroom before I left and you fell into the coffee table. You got your arm and head on that. I tried to make sure you were okay, but your stubborn ass you wouldn't let me. I put the bandage on after you fell asleep. Take the pain killers, drink the water, and the electrolyte drink I left for you. -Gav"

You pick up the bottle of pain killers and down a couple with some water. You get up to start your day, which isn't much since it's your day off. You pick up your blanket to fold it and a jacket falls out of it. You recognize it as Gavin's.

'Why was I covered up with Gavin's jacket?' You wonder to yourself. You remember thinking he smelt good last night, so you hold it to your nose and inhale deeply. He does smell good. You shake it from your head and get to work on cleaning.

Ray calls you a bit later asking if you to come over for movie night. Not wanting to deal with his mother, you invite him to your place. He agrees and tells you he'd pick up pizza.

You're finishing up your cleaning when you hear a knock at the door. You open to find Gavin there, hands in his pockets, a bag hangingoff on wrist. His scruff from last night a little thicker, his eyes shining in the afternoon sun, they look brighter with the darkness of the bruises surrounding them, his hair a little messy, but it suits him. You feel a pull at your heart and get confused.

"Hey, Y/N."

"Hey, Gavin, what are you doing here?"

"Ray said you two were having movie night. Thought I'd come crash it. Unless you guys had other plans," Gavin says, wiggling his eyebrows.

"No, it's just movie night, you dunce," you says, opening the door wider for him to walk in. He walks by you and you catch that scent again. "Did you get new cologne?"

"Nah, it's the same one I've been using for years. Why do you ask?"

"I don't know. I guess I'm just now noticing it."

"Ah, you like it?"

"It's alright. A little strong."

"Really? You told me I smelled good last night."

"I seem to also remember calling you a dick at the bar."

"This was after the bar. I was bringing you home. You said I smell good and that I look fluffy, but feel prickly."

"What?"

"You said my face looked fluffy, but got disappointed when it was prickly becauenif my beard."

"Oh, sorry," you say. Gavin just shrugs and puts the bag he was carrying on the dining table. You walk into the kitchen to finish up cleaning and Gavin follows you.

"How's the nose?"

"Alright, my entire face is stinging like a bitch. What about your head?"

"Surprisingly my legs hurt more than my head."

"I can imagine. You hit your shins on every surface last night."

"Oh, you left your jacket here. It's on the hook by the door."

"Thanks. Left it with you, incase you wanted to smell me again."

"Yeah, okay. Thanks for last night. I appreciate it."

"Not a problem."

"And, uh, about today."

"What about it?"

"What was your mum's favorite movie? We can watch it in honor of her."

"The Sound of Music. Thanks, Y/N, that's really nice of you considering you hate me."

"I don't hate you, but I do tolerate you for Ray. I also liked your mom. She was always really nice to me."

"She liked you, a lot. Always said you were the child she never had. That you were a good influence on me. That you could get me away from Pat."

"Yeah, I agree with her. He's bad news. You should get away."

"Why? You don't care about me."

"Just because I'm not fond of you doesn't mean I don't care about you. I want what's best for everybody and that includes you."

Gavin's hands find your hips and he spins you around. He pin you against the counter. His eyes are full of confusion.

"If you don't like me, why do you want what's best for me? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of not liking me."

"Because, even though you irritate the absolute fuck out of me, I want to see you happy, Gavin."

"Why don't you call me Gav like everybody else?"

"I do, don't I?"

"In six years, I've only heard it twice. Once was last night when I tucked you in and you said goodnight to me. The other was yesterday when I scored the game winning goal. I believe your exact words were 'fuck, yes, Gav,' but that was from across the field, so I'm not sure I heard you properly. I think I need to make you say it again," he says, smirking as your cheeks heat up. He leans closer. "I could have you screaming it."

You're saved by a knock on the door. Gavin let's you go and walks to the door. You quickly run to the bathroom.

"Hey, Ray, we're watching mum's favorite tonight."

Three months later and you're hanging out with Ray. You're just grocery shopping, but you're both having a good time.

"Hello, friends, how we going?" Gavin asks as he blocks the two of you in with his cart.

"Great until now," you answer.

"Ouch, my heart. Y/N, you cruel beast," Gavin says, holding his heart dramatically. "Anyway, game night? I've been itching to play Monopoly."

"Sure," Ray says as he grabs a bag of chips from the shelf. You sigh, but nod your head. You've been trying to avoid Gavin since movie night, but it's proving to be more difficult than you thought. He left his jacket again, so he was back the next day to pick it up. He always seems to find a reason to come into the shop you work in or to hangout with you and Ray.

"My place?" You offer.

"Perfect. See you both tonight," Gavin says before pushing his cart away.

"Cheating bastard," Ray says as he hands Gavin the fake money.

"I'm not cheating, I'm just a smart business man."

"I agree with Ray," you say as you roll the dice. You land on the 'Go To Jail' space for what feel likes the billionth time tonight. You've been in jail so much what they should just give you the key. "Fuck me."

"Maybe later," Gavin jokes. You feel that little pang in your chest again. Your chest always feels funny when he says things like that to you or even when he's just doing mundane things. You heart did flips when he did the dishes at Ray's house once and when he was working on his car and he went to wipe the oil off his hands. Hell, you're pretty sure your heart skipped a beat when he showed up with pizza tonight. His messy hair, scruff, and mischievous eyes made your heart do cartwheels.

It was in that moment that you realized that you like Gavin. You like him so damn much.

"That's it, I'm done," Ray says, standing from the chair and walking to the couch. You laugh as you start cleaning up the game.

"You're done too?"

"Yeah, no use in even trying. You're the better business man," you say as you organize the money. Gavin nods and helps you clean.

The three of you decide to watch a movie and you offer for the two of them to stay the night. Both agree and you grab blankets for them.to use. Ray takes the couch and Gavin steals a throw pillow and makes a place on the floor to sleep. You bid them goodnight and go to your room. You can't sleep because your mind is running wild with the discovery of your feelings for Gavin, so you decide to read.

"Can't sleep?"

You jump and look up to see Gavin poking his head in your door.

"Sorry, saw the light on and decided to check in."

"It's okay and, yeah, I can't sleep."

"Something wrong?"

"Too many thoughts."

"Wanna talk about it?" Gavin asks as he walks fully into the room, closing the door behind him. He doesn't wait for your answer and joins you on the bed.

"No thanks. I'm good."

"Okay. I'm just gonna hang out here then. Floor is hurting my back, Ray is snoring, and I can't sleep either. Got another book?"

You hand him one from your nightstand and both of you sit in silence for a while. Gavin shifts and his shoulder is against yours. You feel the heat he gives off and suddenly reading is very difficult for you. You notice his scent and just how close he is to you. You take a deep breath through your nose.

"Smelling me? Do I smell good again?"

"No," you lie. You have to think quick. "I was trying not to to laugh. Funny part of the book."

"Oh, really? What happened?"

"You'll have to read it and find out."

"Does this mean that I can come back and sit in bed to read with you?" Gavin asks jokingly. You realize that he's flirting.

"Are you flirting with me?"

"Yeah and I have been for years now."

"You have?"

"Yeah, you never noticed because you hate me."

"I don't hate you. I tolerated you because of Ray."

"Tolerated? As in past tense?"

"What?"

"You said tolerated. As in you no longer tolerate me. Why do you not tolerate me anymore, Y/N?" Gavin asks. He moves in closer to you. You stare up into his eyes and don't say anything. "Do you like me now, Y/N?"

"Quit it. Stop flirting with me."

"Why?"

"Because it makes it harder."

"Makes what harder? Other than me," he jokes.

"To accept that I like you. That I've always liked you, but I only, unconsciously, let myself start feeling it the night you brought me home. Then the next day, when I woke up with your jacket and realized I liked havin your scent around me. Then, you show up, looking handsome as ever, with my favorite soda. The way you mouthed the words to the movie, the jokes, just everything about you for the past three months have bee eating me alive. I couldn't figure out why until tonight."

"What made you realize you liked me?"

"When you said you'd fuck me later," you say hiding your face with your blanket. Gavin throws his head back and laughs. It's a beautiful sound, but it's at your expense, so you hide your face more. You feel Gavin's arms around you.

"On your terms, I will. Also, I dropped Pat the day we talked. I want to put your mind at ease."

"Good because I just realized I liked you and I don't want to lose you now."

"You're not losing me."

"Good," you say and lean into his chest. One of his hands stroke your hair, the other holds your hand.

"Can I fuck you, though?"

"Not with my best friend is here. Or anytime soon. We're taking things slow. Especially since you haven't asked me out," you explain. Gavin laughs.

"Y/N, will you be mine, only mine, exclusively mine, forever?"

"Yes."

"Good, now can I kiss you?" You nod. He tilts your head up and presses his lips into yours. It's soft and sweet, full of passion and pent up feelings. When you pull away for air, Gavin puts his forehead against yours. "I have been waiting six years to do that."

[nokingsonlyfooles]

The website is migrating and so is my eyeball! (Updates!)

I got myself a clean bill of eyeball alignment! I am within normal range! It does still take me longer to focus because my left eye tries to "go exo" (which means "pull farther to the left," just like my political alignment!) but after a little over 9 months of practice, I'm able to straighten it out. I am, apparently, a hard worker and a fast learner. The doc didn't think I'd be able to fix it this well!

So I'm down to doing maintenance exercises, and I will need to deal with the effects of my age-appropriate presbyopia. Bifocals and progressives are a no-no for me. That's like an obstacle course, and my eye can't take it. That means [drumroll please]... LASIK and reading glasses! I need another checkup to confirm I'm a good candidate for the laser, and then I'll get me some surgery. Hopefully before the end of the year!

Now, as far as story updates go, it looks like your patience will be rewarded with a 12-pack! It probably won't all be illustrated, as I'll need some time for the surgery/new glasses, but I should be able to get you the text in a legible format!

The website is migrating servers today, from the one with the wishy-washy TOS to one that says "Porn OK!" and costs $102 FOR FOUR YEARS. After that, it'll go up to $4.99 a month for one site, but that's still less than I was paying before. My mortality can now be expressed in Hostinger contract renewals! I may live to pay for my webspace 10-15 more times! Max!

Technically, if we don't count labour, materials, and all the years spent in the red, I will be making a profit for the first time ever with just three Patrons! Thank you!

...And, of course, once I get my Canadian residency, I will be burning that Patreon page to the ground and building a new one that seems "family friendly" and has no adult-oriented history or flags. The naughty extra content will go on the site, available for free DL or name-your-price. I will probably lose that one Patron who never talks to me, but I think they've forgotten about that subscription and I don't feel great taking their money in that case anyway. Onward and upward! I hope I can replace them with more new supporters! (Or maybe they're still paying attention and they're just shy. That's cool too!)

In the immediate future, I will get an email notification when my site's all moved, and then I can see what needs fixing. Stuff needed fixing already, due to various updates, so some repairs are inevitable.

Nevertheless, if it's not too much of a disaster, I'm eyeing October 3rd as a restart date. Then you get (potentially) 12 weeks of content! Wow! Then I'll take however long a break I need to illustrate it and fix whatever else broke. Hopefully, I can keep working my my backlog of Tin Soldier illustrations too, but that's on the back burner.

All you Tumblr followers who are here because you like the stream of other people's content I curate: This is a threat. I am only here to get readers for my serial. I will do whatever else I need to put up with to get readers, but if I don't get any, I'm done and onto something else that might work. Y'all don't have to pay for it if you don't want, but I'm trying to build a community for some very patient and supportive people. I don't want to spend spoons for no community. I do not have a lot of spoons to spend.

People are doing complicated internet things to the site today, so no links yet, but once I bang it back into shape, I will get back to begging for attention in the best ways I can.

[flockrest]

mun(day) questions / @sentinaels, @vigilantdesert, & @stygicniron

thank you lots for these! ♡ very fun to think about and answer! all under the cut because it's a doozy. i am not a concise person, what can i say :'D

when did you first start writing?

in the roleplaying context, ten years ago ( half of which i took a hiatus for aslfkjsdl )! core memory, no joke, i can still very keenly remember weird details of the day it all started. as a hobby, this started way back before i even hit secondary school! i was not an objectively good writer, but no tween really is. i had lots of fun and all the cringefail phases i've gone through since have helped me get to where i am now in my writing development — i can at least say i'm happy with where i'm at with that! and i'm still having fun! ♡

in what language did you start writing?

online? english....my beloathed. very ironic, i know aslkfjdsl

if your mother tongue is not the language you write now, what caused you to switch languages?

quite honestly for the engagement! then simply because i feel i got better at writing in english than i could in vietnamese — my education for both differed, especially in my adolescent years, and i've practiced literacy in this context more for english than i have for viet.

i am still very insecure about my grasp of english in online spaces though ( my writing process involves a lot of me searching up even the simplest words to ensure their meaning and that they will convey what i want you to feel, i still forget words or mix phrases up — sorry to my dm buddies when this happens btw — and my editing is so time-consuming because i have to often cut things or rephrase them to avoid being redundant ), which is why i have that it's my second language disclaimer alfjslfk

what was the first muse that you’ve written?

my first ever muse was my lovely queen zelda from twilight princess! she saw me through a lot of my roleplaying firsts, honestly. she still holds such a special place in my heart because of all the experiences writing her allowed me to make, as well as all the wonderful people i befriended through her that i still haven't forgotten about to this day!

( i always find myself missing one in particular when the mood hits, because we were years-long mains during what felt like the peak of the zelda rpc prime and she was as close to an exclusive affiliate i'd ever get. i hope you've been doing super well out there, my liege!! if we ever somehow get to writing again, y'all will just not be ready for my unhinged status over her link, and my zelda, and the midzelink we've crafted entire worlds over, and that is a promise aflkjdsj )

do you still write your first muse?

unfortunately, no! i have dipped in and out with her before, but i don't know if i'll ever return to her now when i've got so many others wrangling for my time and energy...i think i would like to if i got the opportunity to regularly write with twilight princess muses again :) zelda was a more character-contained muse, in that i studied less of the world-lore around her and more of her, her dynamics, and her relationships, so activity would be very slow and pretty contingent on level of interest from others aslkfdjf

what caused you to start writing? what was your key point?

okay. don't laugh at me please. i'm pretty sure this is a connecting point for a few of us. but for fanfic purposes, of course asflkjds i started reading fics before i started writing any, and only began doing so because there was such a dearth of the stories that catered specifically to my niche whims and wants that past ray was like "FINE. i'll do it myself"

now, fr, you gotta promise to not laugh at me. the want for a more interactive experience didn't really hit until i discovered tumblr ask blogs, wherein i wanted to have a try at running one myself! then that evolved into more writing than art...then i just leaned into roleplaying wholeheartedly asflkjdf everybody say thank you to artists for inspiring artists!

have you ever written a canon muse that you first thought of ‘meh’ when they appeared in their canon show/movie/book?

not that i can think of, no! i don't tend to pick up muses i don't feel super invested in. if it's meh in the more oh this character SUCKS sense, then i guess. rauru? like i love that funky fellow, or at least huge parts of him that i'll steal from nintendo because man what the fuck were they doing with him, but he seems to be my most polarising muse in terms of audience reception aflksjdla this isn't a dig at anyone for that btw!!

how far do you go with divergencies when it comes to your canon muse?

as far as it'll take for me to be satisfied with them! this ofc differs with every muse, but i try to keep general characterisations unchanged — or at least the parts of them that stand out to me and feel crucial to who my muses are.

e.g. i ignored the entirety of the hidden world when it came to writing toothless from httyd, because its depiction of his behaviour ( and hence, implicated thoughts ) was so extremely Bad Tier, i was flabbergasted that it came from the same writer as httyd2. there was, imo, such a huge gap between the toothless of httyd2 and the toothless of the hidden world in terms of characterisation and character development ( ESPECIALLY with what it did to his bond with hiccup. i'm still infuriated about that ) that i had an entire rewrite where things might've ended the same way, but it would've taken a different road for berk to get there in the works.

that's when canon has disappointed me to the extreme, though aflkdslj i have misgivings about totk, yes, but i doubt you'll be seeing unprompted >2.5k words essays from me regarding my birdies or even rauru ( if only because nintendo didn't give us enough about him to make me feel like they fucked up beyond words ) anytime soon.

with rauru, anyway, it's more of a..."i am construing him differently; you couldn't make him palatable despite clearly wanting to do so, so i'm making him 'palatable' ( in the HE AND HIS FAULTS ARE SO INTERESTING I WANT TO EXPLORE THEM IN A WAY THAT DOESN'T HAVE ME GAGGING sense ); also i think you make him way too important without actually committing to the bit, so i'm gonna give him so many complexes about it" case.

[exar547]

Didn't think i'd see myself making this anytime soon since for a while i've just been a small Tumblr artist, but since i'm gaining a bit of attention lately might as well. Read below to know some stuff about me!!

Howdy, shalom, however y'all greet. I'm Exar. I'm a neurodivergent unlabeled artist who moved from Twitter to Tumblr a bit ago! My pronouns are he/him, they/them and ey/em. I don't really have any kind of sona or blog mascot or anything (though i do have original characters), so you'll have to rely on a no-facer to recognize me

I mostly count as a fandom artist as of writing since i've yet to post any OC content, but that's subject to change. I'm an everything artist. My interests change pretty quickly, but no matter what: I love robots. A lot. Think Wheatley or Fandrew or Wall-E or Axis 014, those kinds of robots. If something i see has a robot with a personality, i am immediately going to like that character.

Here's some of my personal tags to organize stuff:

#exar artwork - I tag all my fully finished artwork here! If you wanna see some of the stuff i've drawn i recommend browsing this one.

#exar doodles - This is similar to the one above, but it's for artwork that might be just a sketch, or unshaded or simply a doodle as said. Thought i'd separate them for those that only wanna see the fully shaded/rendered stuff.

#exar talks - Just me rambling. Not much to it.

#exar reblogs - I tag this on everything i reblog! I have forgotten to do so a few times, but i think it's become enough of a habit to not be forgotten at this point. (also, i usually have something to say in the tags of my reblogs, but not always)

#exar shitposts - Name is self-explanatory; i post whatever dumb shit i feel like posting.

#exar writing - Very very recently made tag, i'll mostly post links to my AO3 or Wattpad fics here. Though, i might post some other writing-related stuff other than that.

#exar asks - The tag i'll use every time i answer an ask!

Hope this post tells you a bit about who i am, feel free to explore my blog. Or don't.

(P.S. sorry that clicking on the tags doesn't send you straight to searching them, i don't know how to put tags on Tumblr posts outside of the actual tags section below this text. help appreciated)

[radioisntdead]

On air, in 3...2...1!!

Good evenin' folks! Happy New years!!

It's been quite a year hasn't it?

I didn't think I'd still be writing here when I started back in March, writing Alastor headcanons on a whim in the early morning, honestly thought this blog would end up being forgotten by me but it wasn't! And I'm gonna be here for a good while, so hope y'all haven't gotten bored of me yet!

On a more serious note, Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all the support, lovely comments and asks, the liking of my silly little fics and just everything, there's a little over 400 of you lovely folks and that's a lot of people!!

I genuinely didn't think many people would read my stuff, this was just supposed to be me writing about my hyperfixion and now I have a little over a hundred or so fics/headcanons on my blog and that's more then I thought I'd write for this blog but I've enjoyed every moment of it!! Although sometimes I did bite off more then I could chew or things didn't go exactly to plan, it's been fun!

I've been writing fanfiction since I was 11 years old, I still remember when I read my first fanfic and fell down that rabbit hole, I made myself a little account on a fanfiction site, started writing, until I deleted that account in 2020, then I kinda drifted back and forth, writing something here and there on AO3 or just the occasional drabble for my OCs to share with my friends, nothing really consistent, then I got fixated on hazbin hotel, I made this blog and started properly writing again, I got that spark of passion for writing fanfiction back.

I am so grateful that I did, this is genuinely just one of my favorite hobbies, and fanfiction and fandom culture has always been a huge interest of mine throughout the years, it's a part of who I am.

I'm grateful for all of you, and I hope you achieve everything you want this year, I'm rootin' for you!!!

This year I wanna get a proper and consistent schedule, no more me being a scatterbrained mess, get my ducks in a row, maybe get a proper beta reader to help me catch my typos, maybe open up an Etsy shop?? My sister wants to open up a nail business with me so something with that? But anyways, whatever I do I hope you all will continue tunin' on into my ever growing blog and continue enjoying my fics! And thank you again for everything, nearly every one of y'all's comments leaves a smile on my face, I'm grateful for every reblog, note, ask, anything y'all leave really.

I hope you all have a wonderful new year and as always I hope you have a wonderful rest of your night!!

Goodbye for now!!

Broadcast ending in 3....2...1

[imnobodyuknow]

"Good news, everyone -- we've finally reached the end of the cringe parade. Introducing...'big reveal' number 65! Judging by its title, I'd say it's at least as--"

"...?"

My turn again! So, how does one go about making a piece of Celeste fan art and adding a pinch of Spy x Family to it, you may wonder? I would imagine there are several ways to do it, but here's how I decided to do it: I came up with a non-canon scene where Madeline's nameless doppelganger (given the name "Badeline" by the game's fanbase), is giving her a hard time in an attempt to quash her confidence. But instead of fussing back at her like she usually does, Madeline decides to deploy a different tactic -- one she learned from a certain well-known character from a certain well-known anime.

Don't know about you, but I'd probably react the same way if I were in Badeline's shoes. 😄

For anyone who's forgotten or doesn't know, Madeline's "heh" face was borrowed from Spy x Family's Anya Forger! I took three separate pictures of the animation to make the recreation on Madeline's face look more dynamic:

For Badeline's face in the first panel, I used one of her more intense sprites from the game:

Drawing her hands was easily the toughest part -- I spent a lot of time looking at my hands in a mirror to get all the angles of the finger bends just right (as best as I could, anyway). I also had trouble remembering which shade of purple I'd used where when drawing her before. Thank goodness for image editing software, or else you'd see some unintended dark patches in her hair. 😏

For Maddie, I mostly used one of my previous drawings of her, as well as a piece of official art:

The background was also based on that drawing's background, which came from the game's first level:

And let me just say this -- Badeline's face at the end has to be one of my favorite things I've drawn in a while. 😄

I decided to speed things up a little by not coloring in the snow. Sure, maybe it's a lazier choice, but when you're trying to finish something you've been putting off for so long (and you're dealing with mononucleosis, which means you don't know how much energy you'll have on a given day), something like that is a reasonable shortcut, I'd say. I mean, y'all might still be waiting for this drawing if I'd tried adding some shading to it. You're welcome. 👍

Anyway, I couldn't be happier to have this drawing finished. To be perfectly honest, I'm quite proud of it. The words in the first two panels didn't turn out quite the way I'd planned, and Madeline's face got a little stretched in the third panel, but other than that, I think it's some of my best work thus far. And if you disagree, well, then...

Hope it was worth the wait!

[apathetically-hopeful]

8/30/24 Miss you... don't care.

Hey look! It's me again. My first real entry in over a year (there's several drafts), but here I am really committing on this one. So naturally y'all know I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out and clinging to some detestable form of toxic hope. I don't know how artsy I'm gonna get here. I love my writing so much... I've been re-reading it a lot lately. It's one of the few things I've stop being ashamed to be proud of. However, today I don't know if I can manage the haunting metaphors and romantic detachment.

Although, the fact that I'm already starting this in such shambles makes me think that some big things are going to come of it. The last saga of entries probably won't hold a candle to what the current shape of my life is. I'm trying so hard to even organize myself to get these few sentences down that I've been at this for about 45 minutes to this very sentence. So much so that I've continuously forgotten to light the cigarette that has been hanging on the corner of my lip this entire time. It's now suitable to be fed to the elderly because the filter is basically mush.... well you know what, cigarette? Me too.

Anyway, if you've made it this far; past whatever unhinged preamble that was... I applaud you. My writing is always driven by emotion, but usually I have some grasp on what emotion is guiding the keystrokes. This time I have absolutely no idea what I'm being inspired; or coerced, by. Because I'm not inspired at all; in fact, I'm terrified. I feel like I've become some half-sentient amalgamation of rage, fear, sorrow and regret. I've never felt so much at once that feeling anything in and of itself became impossible. My emotions have agitated my wounds so much that I've lost sensation.

I think I broke someone again... I didn't mean to. This girl came into my life and I pushed for a relationship when she was trying to heal from her own damages. For me the delusion of self improvement had so firmly taken root that I thought I could withstand it. I believed I could save her; guide her down the path I'd been walking that had set me free. Maybe she wasn't ready to be saved... maybe I wasn't a savior. But... my god, something about her; the beauty I saw in her. I went all in trying to get her to see it for herself. There's no tragedy quite like watching an angel suffocate beneath the feathers the world so cruelly ripped from them; before they ever got a chance to fly.

Somewhere along the way I realized the illusion. I was no more use to her than I was to myself on my darkest days. The disappointment I began to feel when I realized I was losing a war I never knew I joined... it began to turn into resentment. The end was coming long before either of us were ever willing to acknowledge it. But we tried to persist. We tried to push it off; told ourselves "love conquers all". Instead we only conquered each other... at first it almost seemed poetic in a 'doomed lovers' sort of way. But before long it was something terrifying, spiteful and paralyzing.

We fell into this terrible rhythm of believing we were damaging each other so much that we had to table our personal growth to try to pick up the pieces for one another. The irony, of course, was that the complete opposite course of action might have saved us. I've been so angry this whole time, accused her of ruining me. And in turn that caused me to ruin her and push her away. But the truth is... I should have been better. I should have paid more attention. And if the reality was that we couldn't find a way to continue our individual paths while being together... then we had no business trying to dress it up any prettier than that.

I know we loved each other. There is no mistaking it. It was something special, something rare. We needed to nurture that small miracle we found in one another, but we got so scared waiting for the other shoe to drop; we ignored the housefire around us. There we were; two people who don't get miracles... who handle every good thing in life like a live bomb; just to realize later we were defusing the sparks we lit inside one another.

If you read this... I'm sorry. It's not your fault. I love you. You didn't ruin me, sweetheart... I ruined myself when I convinced myself I had to tear pieces of myself away to put you back together... instead of staying whole... and using my strength to continue to lift you up. I miss you so much... but please, don't let that stop you from learning to fly. Because your wings will heal, and someday I hope to see you gliding up there... even if it means I have to admire it from the ground.

Love always,

Trevor

--------------

"Quick look Side eye Head tilt As you go by Miss you Don't care

Touchdown Midnight Pull back 'til I get it right I miss you Don't care"