#hope ur guys' week is going better than mine lmao

[heich0e]

liv irl updates:

finally signed the legal docs for a settlement to agree to leave my apartment at the end of august/early sept and then cried

signed a new lease for a (WORSE) apartment that i will be moving into (on my BIRTHDAY) and then cried again

checked the air in my tires and realized one of them had ONE THIRD of the air it was supposed to and refilled all of them (didn't cry but it's only bc a man was there and i refused to let him see weakness)

[deacf-coffee-is-a-sin]

Regis for blorbo bleebus?

SO glad u asked<3, he's literally the guy I was hoping someone would ask me abt when I reblogged this lmaoo!!

He tied 1st place in "Most Blorbo" to me along with Geralt. Ur talking to a guy who when he: 1. got shot with the arrow on the barge, 2. temporarily left the hansa, and 3. melted, had to tearfully put the book down and mourn his (perceived) loss for several minutes lmaoo. I got sooo attached so fast.

In terms of justifications for some of the things I marked him as:

- Among everything else in the 1st bar(?) he's most definitely an "aspirational character" for me. I love how he's reflected on his actions in his youth and determined to make up for it/do better for those around him, he realizes he can never undo the things he's done but he still actively chooses to wake up and do good in his life and the lives of those he meets around him. He's the embodiment of humanity. Hes dedicated his immortal life to the benefit of mortals around him, I WISH I had half the drive and kindness he does. He reflected on his life and realized he needed to change. AND THEN HE DID. It's lowkey embarrassing to admit this, but I do legitimately want to be more like him in that regard.

- He IS just some guy, and that's what makes him so great. U look at him (not so much the CDPR design of him lol) and u think "oh that's just some guy" and he is!! but he's also the most complex, fruity guy ull ever meet.

- Everyone is the hansa would argue that he's "awful company" but to ME at least, he's an absolute ray of sunshine. Every time someone in the hansa would tell him to shut up I'd get so offended on his behalf. Who cares if he's annoying or wrong, the shit he's talking abt is genuinely fascinating and fun, u guys r just mean. Like yass king, monolog to me abt ur topic of the week, take as many pages of this book as u need to get ur point across, I don't mind<3 lmao.

- He's straight up universally beloved by all, characters and fans (barring vilgefortz but he doesn't get an opinion).

- I was tempted to mark him as more "untouched by history" than "traumatized" bc after that one excerpt in, I think LotL, where the robbers in the future burn Dandelions manuscripts of the hansa I figured not too many people would know abt him traveling with Geralt (as he'd prolly prefer seeing how he'd most likely still be around, what with being immortal and having regenerated from Styyga by that time) but his trauma and youth plays a bigger part in who he is.

-in terms of feelings he evokes,, as we can see, I've literally spent the entire post gushing abt him<3 lmaoo. Any chance to talk abt him and how great he is, I'll take.

- If twn even looks at him I'm going to act on those "powerful violent urges"

- He deserves FAR better treatment from both canon and fanon (I'll never get over how dirty cdpr did him with his character design and character choices. Plus a lot of the fandom has this really weird take on him being extremely sexual and domineering, esp in fanfic, which I'm not the biggest fan of)

- Not so much anymore, but back when the witcher really had a grip on me I had pages worth of crappy doodles on him and Geralt lmaoo. He's fun to draw and thinking back on it I should prolly start drawing him more again.

- I think everything in the "you want them to have" section kind of speaks for itself. I would like to see him deal with a bit more trauma in regards to Styyga and feelings for Geralt, but I'm just a sucker for gay angst lmaoo

- He found a family with the hansa, I just wish they could've stayed a family </3

- A "satisfying ending" for me would be taking the CDPR canon and having him come back to Geralt at corvo bianco after fucking of with Detlaff for a bit. I have sadly made my peace with the books melancholy ending, so mine and his happiness rests on the shoulders of headcanons I make abt the game (tho I do wish they had him show up again at the end of BaW after the main ending </3)

[dolphin-enthusiast]

hello my muffin!! 💫💞🌼 ahhh gosh, it's a pleasure to see you as always, but especially tonight.. i need to relax from all of this first day of school stuff! i hope your day went well, and hopefully better than mine hehe 🌺 but first, i must say, you and those anons had me melting today,, gosh, i don't even know how to react to all of that sweet talk!!! the first thing i did when i was finally done working was open up tumblr and check your page, and BAM! (1/7)

"i heated up, and my siblings kept teasing me about it 😖 i skyped my older brother to ramble about it all, and he said i looked like one of the tomatoes in our garden!! goodness, it was a lot! but my friends saw all of the flattery and they started to freak out and tease me too!!! nonetheless, i have no idea how to take in this kindness,, except for thanking you all!! you guys are way too good to me, and not even half of all that stuff is true 😅 (2/7)

so please know that you all are absolute beautiful inside and out, and that I love you all 💓 and don't feel bad about not having an active daily life like me morgy darling!! truth be told, i am quite the couch potato myself, and even though i wish it could be, my life is most definitely not all sunshine and rainbows,, i have lots of daily problems to deal with sadly,, but you coming into my everyday life certainly is all the sunshine and rainbows i need 💖💖💖 (3/7)

today was quite hectic, since my school year is starting off virtually,, i was extremely anxious throughout all of the zoom meetings and such, fiddling with my hair and fingers,, but i'm really happy that i made it through! school is really hard for me mentally, so that is quite the pain, though at least i have something to look forward to at the end of the day (you!) 😉 (4/7)

i completely dread school due to how it affects my anxiety, but i'm actually excited for my new french course and my fashion course!! both of the teachers told me that they liked my outfit, and my french teacher said that she liked my "cute" sleepy italian accent hehe (i was really tired, so it was quite heavy!) but thankfully, this first week is full if shortened days,, i'll just need a glass of wine each night and it'll be ok ✨ (5/7)

the rest of my day was spent baking tarts for my neighbor, checking on the bunnies, and making spaghetti carbonara,, which turned out amazing! i also fixed myself up an affogato to end the evening, when a stranger dmed me a drawing they did of me!! it was really cute, and the shading was great! it always amazes me when people take time to do these things for me, it's so generous 🌹(6/7)

now on that note, it's time for me to sleep! i'll need lots of rest for tomorrow hehehe!! and i can't wait to be back here with you dear 💕 have a lovely night, rest well, and sweet dreams! as always, i'm thinking of you amore! 💗 - love always my sunshine, waifu anon xoxo 💘💌💕💞💖💓💗❤🌹 ps: that plan does sound lovely caro, and let me propose this: i teach you how to dance, at night, on the beach~ <3 (7/7)"

Once again i tell u darling that e v e r y t h i n g me and za anons said is true ion make the rules sis 😩😩😩 and the fact that we manahed to fluster u in front of ur family and friends really is a nice bonus too n g l (and that one stranger dm ing u a drawing? Wholesome as fuck)

Now lemme just say i too am absolutely dreading school also bc i live in a shitty country where even NOW we dont have a clear answer as to how the year gon unfold (most ppl say its gonna be like half half like going to school after certain periods of time then the rest is online) but yea it severely succs and i had to go over to my school to return the old books and get the new ones but damn i finally saw my only friends (i havent seen em since march) so at least theres that🗿🗿

Sociak ANXIETITTY is one hell of a beast ik that well and zoom meetings can be hella awkward (im the mic n camera off kid lmao) and also i dont feel bad for not having an a c t i v e life at all darling and ik u deal w stuff too all im sayin is that i basically deal w stuff on a daily basis and nothing else bc my life is p static and uneventful which is quite exhausting to say the least 👁️👁️🔪

N e w a y i'd kill to eat carbonara made by u i absolutely love pasta so im sure it would taste 948483 times better if made by u👁️ i myself have ordered some (s p i c y) pizza and lime cheesecake for the evening bc y e s😩😩😩 but on another note i'll gladly take u up on ur offer with the dancing even if i can be hella a w k w a r d lmao

[datleggy]

I’m autistic and one of the things I have trouble with is change. I’ve watched 911 since the third episode and now they have a second one? Idk. I’ve been seeing a lot of good things about it but I’m not sure if I want to watch it. Basically what I want to know is if it’s worth watching. Is it good? Are there any parallels between the new one and the Buck one? Who are the characters and what are they like? Will you start writing for this series instead of the other one? %

so, this got WAY longer than i thought it would, sorry!!! TL;DR is at the very very end!

tbh i didn’t wanna really give 911 lonestar a chance originally, i was lowkey annoyed bc it felt like they were like “oh u guys want buck and eddie, who are CLEARLY meant to be and have all this canon chemistry and relationship development to eventually get together??? lol NOPE but here’s a spinoff where u get ur white/latino gay ship :D”

which i do genuinely hope to god isn’t the case, like, i really need OG 911 to be like PSYCH here u go, some DIAZ-BUCKLEY fam. as a treat.

i did end up watching it bc curiosity and too many awesome gifsets finally got to me lol

and im only a couple of episodes in (haven’t had a chance to watch the 3rd ep bc of work and other things D: ) and so far i gotta say, i like the OG 911 calls that they get sent to more than 911 lonestars calls but again, im only 2 ep in, maybe they get more “woah thats crazy/hilarious/hearbreaking!” as the show goes on.

i honestly don’t see too many parallels between Buck and TK—the only thing i noticed where they’re pretty similar is how much they both enjoy easy physical contact. buck is very touchy feely and comfortable about showing affection/feelings and i feel like TK is the same regarding physical contact (with his dad at least)? but that’s about it.

for what it’s worth i do think the show is pretty entertaining and worth a watch!

my main reason for watching past the first episode is my enjoyment of the characters. i just think they’re all neat.

this is from a post i made when i first watched the show lol:

captain strand: good dad to all of his children

tk: hot gay messy boi

grace ryder: a fave, no nonsense beauty, judds better half

judd ryder: tragic big boi

captain blake: chaotic good w baby voice

marjan: wild feral messy gurl

mateo: if anybody’s mean to my SON im throwin hands bih

paul: again, if anybody’s mean to my SON im THROWIN hands

officer reyes: ready to dick tk down

here’s a more descriptive/longer summary of the characters if u wanna know more, if not skip down to the bolded sentence below lol:

owen strand is the captain (played by rob lowe) and to me he gives off chris traeger vibes (from parks and rec if u watched?) but with more depth. i like his character a lot, he’s a caring dad, seems like he knows what he’s doing, and like, c’mon, it’s rob lowe (i fell in love with him a million years ago when he played soda pop in the outsiders nipr;guebwuogrnofw)

tk is his son and a hot gay mess w some substance abuse issues (tho a lot has happened to him in only 2 ep i really don’t know how to feel about him entirely, bc besides stuff happening TO him, i don’t feel like he’s reacted in a way that shows much of his character?) idk maybe it’s just me. but he is a certified cutie so. lol

grace ryder, she’s smart (one of the only characters with more than ONE brain cell lmao) and gorgeous and an emergency 911 operator. she’s very supportive of her husband and what he’s going thru (which is A LOT), she herself has been thru a lot bc of the big incident at the beginning of the series and is still somehow held strong in spite of it all, she’s a personal fave of mine.

judd ryder is kind of a dick at first but i think its very understandable given the hell he’s been thru, im actually surprised at the amount that i like him. he’s very raw and vulnerable but has this “don’t worry im fine, back up” attitude that i loooove. 

captain blake is the captain for EMTs, she’s got this soft teeny baby voice that contradicts so hard with her give no fucks ima do what i need to to find my missing sister actions irwughqwgoriegjf i like. she’s caring and does goes out of  her way for the little guy.

marjan has ZERO chill but in a good way, i can already absolutely see her getting into trouble by doing some crazy impulsive thing on a call in order to rescue someone—-TBH she actually reminds me a lot of Buck from OG 911 in that way. like yea she’s reckless and impulsive but u can tell its bc she CARES and this firefighting thing is what she’s meant to do. i really like her.

mateo—-OH MAN. he’s 10000000% my favorite. it hurts me everytime he’s on screen, bc he’s such a sweet and HARD WORKING man and he deserves to be a firefighter and do what he wants/has been waiting for for so long, im so HAPPY captain strand gives him a chance. i think he might have some learning disability or maybe he grew up in a household where maybe his family was too busy or didn’t care to check up on how he was doing in school and they neglected to see how much he was struggling—this is all just pure speculation from the fact that on the show he tells captain strand during the interview that he’s always passed the physical exam to be a firefighter but keeps failing the written part :( i love my son.

paul is a trans firefighter who’s mainly known for his crazy good observational skills in the field—there’s an ep—ep 2?—that shows off his talent but like, i found it unintentional funny bc the way they did it was in a scene that honestly truly felt to me like a scene I MYSELF would write in a fanfiction if i wanted to show off a cool skill the character has but was also too lazy to make it look good???? lmaoooo im not trying to be mean but like, if u do watch it, its the 2nd ep i believe, the “office meeting” scene. other than that tho there’s only been a few scenes with paul in it (my personal fave being the skin care routine scene lol) but i look forward to more scenes of my son being a lil sherlock holmes :)

officer reyes is tk’s potential new mans. he seems like a good cop from what little ive seen of him doing police work. so, i saw a post someone made basically saying how ugly are the men in texas that officer reyes is out here thirsting over tk so HARD—and not to be rude, but he really is!!!! reyes is a goodlookin guy, so idk what’s up with that, maybe he likes messy bois? bc same.

p.s. im not sure how to feel about reyes and tk together yet bc it doesn’t really seem as if they have too much chemistry. hopefully that changes? i do kinda like that they haven’t started off their potential relationship on the best of foots, bc i love drama, an indisputable fact.

ONTO THE FINAL QUESTION!

OG 911 will always be my first love and i just don’t see this changing anytime soon. buddie will always be the #1 ship in my heart! and i have about a gazillion awesome prompts i need to work on so me switching over to 911 lonestar isn’t gonna happen. i love OG 911 way too much iuqhur4ogfoie3jwnwjinioj

tho i may occasionally—per the request of prompts i’ve gotten in the last week or so–take a couple of the characters from 911 lonestar and put them in a 911 fic as a crossover? we’ll see.

this ended up soooo long oruhibgruoeqwp i hope some of it helped tho?

tl;dt: 911 lonestar seems fun and the characters are interesting enough to keep me entertained so i say give it a chance  :)

[jungshookz]

ceo!yoongi - daddy’s little girl

→ pairing: min yoongi x reader

→ summary: it seems like hwayoung might have a favourite parent, and, spoiler alert: it’s not you.

→ genre: ceo!yoongi universe, fluFF aka jimin and hwayoung in matching teddy jackets, angst because parenthood is hard, lil touch of smut because yoongi n y/n have missed each other and hwayoung keeps cockblocking them womp womp

→ wordcount: 5.5k

→ notes: if you missed the ceo!yoongiverse as much as i did i hope you’ll like this drabble!! i’m sorry it took so long ya girl’s been buSY as heck! anyways i have moVed on from google translate and i have a vEry special translator who i will not expose in case they want to remain anonymous but for those of you who were horrified by the google translate korean from a couple drabbles ago i hope this time around it’s better!! also i couldn’t come up with a better title so get ur minds out of the guTTER

if you have no idea whO ceo!yoongi is, go ahead and read the fic that started it allllllllll anyways i hope you guys like this one! feel free to flood the friCK out of my inbox i love dat shit

or if you’re interested in reading other ceo!yoongi drabbles: the proposal | x | the wedding | x | the first date | x | jealousy | x | baby makes three | x | the fishnet stockings | x | baby min’s timeline | x | the birth of baby min | x |

if u wanna ask yoongs or y/n (or hwayoung?? u won’t get a lot outta her unfortunately) anything u know what to do ;-)

(gif isn’t mine!)

(((and the read more function iS there but most of the time it doesn’t work on mobile :// i am sorry don’t attack me by sending passive-aggressive anon messages)))

you’re pretty sure hwayoung hates you

which is NOT fair because you gRew her for nine months and um also YOU BIRTHED HER

“we’re never going to get this diaper on if you keep kiCking me” you scowl as her tiny foot digs into your (still sensitive) stomach and you wince in pain

how the frick do diapers work

it’s just deconstructed underwear and you can’t even figure it out

which way is the back????

“okay, let me just…” you lift her up a little and slide the diaper underneath and plop her bum back down

hm

no that doesn’t look right

maybe that’s the front???

“sorry, wait-“ you lift her up again and she gurgles when you whIp the diaper away from under her “okay, now i got it”

you’re about to reach out to lift her up again but then

o frick

you sigh frustratedly when her face crumples up and she starts to wail “oH my god girl why are you crying?? what is there to cry about?????? do you want to hang out in a poopy diaper all day???? i’m trying to help you!!”

she starts to cry harder and now yOU want to cry

jesus

your ears are literally about to start bleeding

this girl has a pair of lungs for sure

“hey, what’s wrong? y/n, what did you do?” you turn as yoongi walks into the nursery looking as concerned as ever

“wha- what makes you think i did something??” you scoff and yoongi plucks the diaper from your hand

“오~케이 아빠왔다! 아빠가 기저귀 빨리 갈아줄게! [oh...okay... daddy’s here! daddy’s gonna change your diaper!]” yoongi tuts and slides the diaper underneath her and her wails begin to reduce to small hiccups and whimpers “y/n, jagi, i know you’re tired but maybe you shouldn’t yell at our two-month-old child, hm?”

“i wasn’t yelling-“

“you kind of were” yoongi mutters and you clench your fists in frustration

you can’t help it

you haven’t slept in like a week so you’re exhausted and you feel like you’re about to pass out all the time

your boobs are always just,.., leaKIng

your nipples!!! are so chaffed!!! and so raw!!!!!!!!

all of your clothes are now stained with multiple types of bodily fluids

you watch as yoongi tightens the straps and then sticks the little tabs down

and the whole time

hwayoung doesn’t move and barely makes a peep

she gurgles as he tucks her legs back into the onesie and buttons her little outfit back up

“alright, you chunky monkey” he pinches her thighs and grins down at her “we’re all done! 아~ 내 째깐한기— 누구 딸이길레 이렇게 귀여운거야? [oh, you’re so cute - whose baby is this cute?]” he coos and tickles her plump lil belly

he rubs his nose against hers and her tiny palm slaps against his cheek

yoongi picks her up and cradles her in his arms and she sucks her fist into her mouth

“how about you go and take a shower? i can take care of her for a bit” yoongi murmurs and yanks her fist out of her mouth

she whines and shoves her fist back in

he doesn’t give you a choiCe because then he’s walking out of the nursery

okay

guess you’re taking a shower

you let out a long sigh as the hot water rains down on you

you don’t know how you’re going to survive motherhood

it’s already so hard

you can’t even put a diaper on

you know what

motherhood is difficult buT you know for a fact it’s going to become easier

yeah

just give it some time

everything will be fine

3AM

the sudden sound of wailing jolts you awake and you sit up immediately

the baby monitor next to you is blinking like crazy

u don’t even need the baby monitor to tell u that hwayoung is crying because her cries are so loUD

you reach over and turn on the lamp and let out a sigh

there’s some shuffling next to you and yoongi reaches over and places a hand on your bare thigh

“i got it, don’t worry.” yoongi murmurs and rubs the sleep out of his eyes with his other hand

“you had a long day at work today… i can take care of it” you bring his hand up to your mouth and press a kiss over his knuckles

“no… no….i…i got it…” yoongi rolls over onto his stomach and flops an arm over your lap

he’s basically fallen back asleep and you can’t help but snort quietly at your husband

you run your fingers through his hair gently before pushing him back so that he’s on his back

you let out another yawn and crawl out of bed

“coming, i’m coming…” you make your way down the hall to hwayoung’s room

goD

you are so tired you could pass out right now

“hi, sweet girl… can’t sleep, hm?” you scoop her up into your arms and she tucks her face into the crook of your neck and continues to sob

you can feel your shoulder getting wet from the copious amount of tears and snoT being produced by your child as you pace back and forth

you spend the next twenty or so minutes trying to calm her down but nothing seems to be working

she keeps spitting out her pacifier

you tried bouncing her and it didn’t work

you cradled her in your arms and sat in the rocking chair and it didn’t work

you even tried singing that stupid tomato song that jungkook and jimin sing to her that she seems to like (u don’t really know the lyrics so it was basically just you saying ‘tomato’ over and over again but in the tune of the song lmao)

“she’s still crying?” you look over your shoulder to see yoongi standing by the door

you’re about to respond but hwayoung lets out another ear-piercing sob

he scratches at his bare chest and lets out a yawn before holding his arms out “c’mere, give her to me”

you’re about to protest because u want to prove to yourself AND yoongi that you are capable of making your guys’ child stop crying but like

your arms are starting to get tired

and hwayoung doesn’t seem like she’s going to stop crying any time soon

the moment yoongi takes her into his arms her cries start to quiet down significantly and you’re like ????????

are u having a fever dream

is this even happening right now

“yeah, there we go… 아이고야, 아기야 울지말거라.....[no need to cry…]” yoongi coos and pats her back gently

a fat tear rolls down her cheek as she shuts her eyes and-

what

did she just fall asleep

she totally just fell asleep

“hey, look at that! easy-peasy.” yoongi teases but the smile drops from his face when he sees that you are very noT amused

“that is so not fair.” you grumble and watch him put her back in her crib

as days start bleeding into weeks you can’t help but realise just how exhausting being a mother is

you can’t even grasp the basic concept of time because you’ve been hanging out at home all day and all night

you only know it’s nighttime whenever yoongi comes back from work

yoongi’s been a vEry supportive and doting husband and father even though you know he’s super busy at work

he offers to make dinner and he gives you back massages when you need it

he’s always the first one outta bed whenever hwayoung starts crying in the middle of the night

jimin and kook stop by from time to time

most of the time they bring food for you which you’re very grateful for

the point is

usually you have someone there with you whenever things get rough

but tonight

tonight is really testing you

yoongi isn’t going to be home for a little while longer

jimin is busy at work with yoongi

jungkook’s hanging out with his other pals tonight

so it’s just you and your baby

speaking of your baby

hwayoung is being especially difficult tonight

more difficult than usual

you can’t help but wonder if she inherited the stubborn gene from you (the answer is yes in case it wasn’t already painfully clear)

she hasn’t cried in two hours which is concerning because she usually bursts into tears like every twenty minutes

that means when she eventually cries it’s going to be the most intense waiLS you think you’ll ever get from her

“you sure you don’t want any milk?” you let out a sigh of frustration as you try feeding her your nipple and she moves her head away before bursting into tears “c’mon, just-“ you try manoeuvring her head towards your boob again and she whips her head away “hwayoung, please, mommy’s boob is literally probABly going to explode if you don’t-“ she starts to cry harder and you’re pretty sure she’s going to pop a lung if she doesn’t stop “okay okAY okay no milk no milk” you shush and stand up and start bouncing her gently

you wince and reach up to cup your boob

o god

your boobs hurt so fuckign much

you need to pump some milk out before you pass out

you haven’t used the breast pump yet because hwayoung’s been diligent with the milk drinking but for some reason she’s refused to drink aLL day today which has resulted in what you think is an ovERProduction of milk in your boobs

“shh, it’s okay, there’s nothing to cry about…” you mutter as you go through the cupboards and- “ah! found it!!”

“mommy’s just gonna put you down here, okay?” hwayoung’s calmed down a bit but you know she’s still irritated because she keeps fussing and whining

you lie her down on the couch and take a seat next to her

you don’t think you’ve ever felt suCh relief in your life when you finally attach the pump to your boob and it starts suCkINg the milk out of your body

“thank god..” you sigh and rest your head back against the couch

all that can be heard in the room is the continuous pumping of the machine with hwayoung’s occasional babble thrown in

see

everything’s fine

you glance over and-

“hwayoung-!” you gasp and imMediately reach out to grab her before she can roll off the damn couch

and then all hell breaks loose

your hand knocks against the bottle attached to your boob when your arms whIP out to grab onto her

the bottle tumbles onto the ground and you literally want to die when the milk spills out and starts soaking into the rug

that was

that was like all of your milk

that was hwayoung’s meal and it’s all gone

“fuckin-“ hwayoung’s shrieking at this point and you have no idea what to do

here you are in the middle of the living room with a boob hanging out of your nurSing bra with your child crying into the crook of your neck

“okay, it’s fine, don’t cry!” you seem like you’re telling yourself that rather than hwayoung

you groan in pain when you shoVe your sore boob back into your bra and you don’t even bother buttoning yoongi’s shirt up because there’s no timE

“okay, it’s okay, it’s okay, mommy’s here,” you try to shush hwayoung as you furiously dab at the carpet with her ducky blanket

she’s squirming in your grip and you wince when she smacks her tiny fist against your face

“-daddy heard your crying all the way from- woAh what the hell” the last thing yoongi expects to see when he walks into the penthouse is the sight of you on your knees scrubbing at the carpet while cradling hwayoung in your arms (who is squirming so much she’s literally about to faLL out of your arms)  

“take her, i need to clean up the milk” yoongi rushes over and takes hwayoung from you and you immediately zip to the kitchen to grab the cleaning supplies

“눈물 뚝... [don’t cry, don’t cry...]” yoongi whispers and bounces her in his arms

she continues blubbering and big fat tears roll down the sides of her face “화영아 울지마... 아빠야.. [hwayoungie, don’t cry... it’s daddy...] no, no! don’t cry, it’s okay!] y/n, what happened??”

“i- it’s fine, everything’s fine, it was an accident,” you breathe out as you come back with a damp cloth “-i was pumping milk and i put her down and i wasn’t paying attention and she was wiggling around a lot and i guess she squirmed all the way to the edge of the couch buT BUT i caught her! i caught her and ended up ripPing the pump off my boob-“ you drop to your knees and start dabbing at the milk

it’s too late

most of it has soaked into the rug and you don’t want the living room to reek of your crusty breast milk when it fully dries

shiT

you should grab the bleach

but this rug was eXPENSIVE

“i’ll go put her to bed, okay? i’ll be right back”

you don’t know if it’s the hormones or the lack of sleep or whatever but suddenly you feel your eyes starting to well up with tears the moment you’re left alone

it’s just

you’re so overwhelmed and so tired

hwayoung hates you

you can’t do anything right

you can’t even put a damn diaper on your baby

you can’t get her to drink from your stupid boob

and not to mention it took you like 20 minutes to figure out how to attach a pump to your boOb

your movements start to slow down significantly when it hits you

you’re an unfit mother

it’s true

you are an unfit mother

“she’s a bit fussy tonight, no?” yoongi jokes as he comes down the stairs

he purses his lips when you don’t reply and continue to scrub fuRIously at the rug “…lemme help-“

“no, it’s okay.” you shake your head quickly and swallow the lump growing in your throat

yoongi kinda stands there awkwardly because he doesn’t know,..,,. what to do.,.,

“okay. uh… do you… want pizza for dinner? cauliflower crust good with you.” he jokes aGain as he loosens his tie

and once again

he’s met with nothing but silence

he feels like this is the calm before the storm

something’s coming

u know what

he’s just going to call the pizza place

he’ll make sure to get extra garlic dip for u

hopefully that’ll cheer you up a bit

you lean back against the couch and look down at the dark patch on the rug

okay well

you got most of the milk out

so everything is fine now

yes

everything is fine

you press your lips together to try and suppress the incoming soB because you know yoongi’s tired and he probably doesn’t want to deal with-  

“i’m a terrible mother!” you burst into tears and immediately reach up to cover your face with your hands and yoongi jumps in surprise

thEre it is

“baby, no! you’re not a terrible mother!!” yoongi’s brows knit together and he drops to the ground right next to you

you immediately launch yourself into yoongi’s arms and bury your face into the crook of his neck

“i just don’t understand why i can’t do anything right like i can’t [hiccup] even change her diaper i don’t know [sob] what the f-front of the diaper looks like and what the back of the diaper [hiccup] looks like and she won’T EVEN drINk from my b-boob so now my boobs huRT [sob] and i know it’s not her fault because it’s always my fault i’m the one who keeps messing up howamisupposedtotakecareofababywhenicanbarelytakecareofmyself-“  

yoongi can barely understand what you’re saying because your words are muffled and you’re blurring them together pluS you’re uncontrollably sobbing but he manages to make out a couple of your sentences

he lets you cry and cry and crY out all your anger and sadness and frustrations for the next ten minutes until you quite literally have no tears left to cry

you sniffle and pull away from yoongi

your eyes are watery and puffy and your nose is red and your lips are swollen “…so how was work?”

“you aren’t a terrible mother.” yoongi deadpans before reaching up to cup your cheeks “how’d you manage to get that silly idea into your head?”

you scoff and reach up to wipe at your eyes “yoongi, i can’t do anything right. you’re nailing this whole being a parent thing and i’m just fucking it up for everyone.”

“no, you’re not! and you’re not alone, you know that! we’re both in this together - last time i checked, hwayoung is half of you and half of me. i have my fuck up moments too! i didn’t tell you this because i didn’t want you to get mad but i accidentally clipped hwayoung’s finger when i was cutting her fingernails and there was a little bit of blood but-“

“you whAT-“

“-not to mention, you have jimin and unfortunately you have jungkook too but the point is you are not alone in this!!! i know things are hard right now because babies are difficult but you are not a terrible mother. you take care of hwayoung-ie so well and you love her so much and i can’t even think of any woman more perfect than you to raise my child. it’ll get better, i promise. but for now, the most important thing you need to know is that you are not a terrible mother.” yoongi holds your face up “look at me and say it.”

your eyes flicker up to him before they look back down at the rug “…u r not a terrible mother”

“y/n, seriously-“

“i am not a terrible mother.” you murmur and reach up to wipe at your puffy eyes

“i would ask you to say it louder but i’m not risking waking the baby up.” yoongi laughs lightly and wipes a stray tear away for you before giving you a sweet lil kiss “you okay?”

“ya i guess so... you still gonna order pizza for us?”

“mhm”

“with extra cheese?”

“yup”

“and stuffed crust?”

“…well now you’re just pushing it buT yes, you deserve stuffed crust.”

:-)

yoongi was right

things got better

“what’s the matter with this film?? it’s about mermaids! i’m sure you’ll grow to like mermaids.” you look over at hwayoung who’s just chilling in her little rocker

since you and yoongi are ~millennial~ parents obviously you guys had to get your baby more modern things

it’s a rocker that rocks itself!!

..or maybe u guys are just lazy lol

hwayoung gurgles and her little arms flail around a bit

“unless you wanna watch basketball or something.” you mutter and switch the channel

you’re sitting on the ground next to her and the both of you are just enjoying each others’ company

once again hwayoung’s pudgy bread roll arms flail around

“what’s the matter, miss fussy?” you coo and pull her out of the rocker gently and proceed to place her on your chest

you lower the volume on the tv because you figure she’d appreciate more silence since she’s tryna go to sleep

“alright alright just gimme a second to get comfortable.” you can’t help but laugh when she lets out the tiniest most adorable yawn

you sit on the couch and lean back a bit and hwayoung burrows her face into the crook of your neck before turning and squishing her cheek against your shoulder

and-

you pause

“…hwayoung?” you whisper and awkwardly crane your neck so you can kINda look at her face

oh my god

she fell asleep

no way

you press your lips together to keep yourself from scREECHING in excitement because she nEVER falls asleep in your arms!!!!!!! EVER

holy shit

ok

oh god

now you can’t move because u don’t want to wake her up

u know what it’s totally fine because the point is hwayoung is sleeping on yOU

“i can do this.” you breathe out as you look up at the ceiling

yeah

you can do this

you’re not a terrible mother

yoongi shuts the door behind him as quietly as he can

the penthouse is eerily quiet tonight and yoongi’s only slightly concerned

he’s tempted to call out for you but he doesn’t want to just in case-

oh

aw

yoongi has to press his lips together to suppress the big fat grin on his face because there you are

there you are

asleep on the couch with an arm hanging off the edge while the other is wrapped around hwayoung

meanwhile hwayoung is sprawled on top of you with her lil cheek smushed against your chest

her little duckie blanket is tossed over her

the two of you are drooling which yoongi finds absolutely endearing

“c’mere...” yoongi scoops hwayoung up from your chest and cradles her in his arms

she stirs in her sleep and her little nose twitches (yoongi wants to melt right then and there because she definitely picked that up from you!!)

he tucks her into bed as slowly as possible so that she doesn’t wake up

of course his head knocks into the mobile hanging above her bed and it jingles a little bit

luckily she’s a deep sleeper

he picks up her little chocolate chip cookie plushie (you named it shooky for some reason which don’t even make any damn sense) and places it right next to her head

and then he just takes a moment to admire her

wow

that’s his little baby

that’s his daughter

he never thought he’d be a dad this young

heck

he didn’t even think he’d be married this young but

u know what

life works in funny ways

and he’s pretty sure he’s the luckiest guy in the world

the floorboards creak under his feet as he makes his way back to you

he bends down and reaches over to move a strand of hair away from your face

“y/n…” yoongi whispers and smiles fondly when you stir in your sleep

there’s that nose twitch

you peel an eye open before reaching over to cup yoongi’s jaw “hey… you’re finally ho-“ suddenly you sit straIGHt up and look down

“i put her in bed a minute ago” you visibly relax and you let out a sigh before lying back down

“she fell asleep on me tonight” you hum happily “i think she likes me”

yoongi snorts and rolls his eyes before getting back up onto his feet “c’mon, you. let’s get you into bed too” you let out a whine and swat lazily at his hand

“i’m too tired to move”

classic

yoongi bends down to pick you up

you wrap your arms around his neck and he wraps your legs around his waist

“c’mon, you big baby.”

he bounces you a little to make sure he has a good grip on you and you hum

this position feels very familiar hEhe

“i thought you were tired” yoongi teases when he feels you begin to plant kisses down his neck as he makes his way up the stairs

“changed my mind” you murmur

one hand wraps around the nape of his neck

meanwhile your other hand wraps around his bicep and you give him a lil squeeze

hoLy moly

“have you been working out?” you pull away from him and yoongi raises his eyebrows

“if by rocking our child to sleep every night for like two hours straight, then yes, i have been working out”

yoongi plops you down on the mattress before settling in between your legs

you wrap your legs around his waist and yoongi can’t help but laugh because he’s trYIng to undo his tie but you keep pawing at him

“what’s gotten into you??” you’ve sat up to unbuckle his belt

you are a woman on a mission

and he’s not complaining

you’re just being vERY speedy

“our baby might start crying at any moment-“

“she sleeps like a log-“

“buT she always starts crying at the most inconvenient time!! it’s like she knows everythING that goes on- christ, you’re really taking your sweet time with- you know what-“ suddenly everything whiRLS and yoongi’s staring up at the ceiling

he blinks twice

what the heck

“now shut up and enjoy the ride.”

god

he really is the luckiest guy in the world

“look, we match!” jimin beams

he has hwayoung cradled in his arms and she’s sucking on her fist while wearing the most adorable teddy jacket

and jimin

jiMIN is wearing an equally as adorable teddy jacket and you’re pretty sure your heart stops beating when he nuzzles his nose into her cheek

they’re both so squishy

she places her hand over his mouth and pinches his plump bottom lip in response and he yelps in pain which then triggers hwayoung to become a giggling mess

“y/n, take a picture!!” jimin hands you his phone and points to you in an attempt to get hwayoung to look at the camera

she keeps staring at him as if she were completely entranced by his beauty which.,.,. is fair

jungkook appears behind you and starts whistling and popping his tongue “정국삼촌보세요!!! [look at uncle jungkook!]”

jimin grins for the camera and squishes his cheek against hwayoung’s as he squeezes her tight

hwayoung squeals in delight when jungkook sticks his tongue out and crosses his eyes and you snap the picture quickly

“got it??” jimin bounces hwayoung up and down while continuing to squish his cheek against hers

you nod and hand his phone back to him expEcting him to give you hwayoung

“i’m taking her for the rest of the day!! i have to show the reSt of the office my baby”

“your baby?? i’m the one who pushed her out of my vagina!” you scoff and jimin puShes past you while baby-talking to hwayoung

“look at you in your little teddy jacket, you cutie! uncle jimin loves spoiling you, yes he does! i’m gonna take you on a shopping spree and you can buy whatever your little heart wants!”  

she babbles back to him and shoves her fist back into her mouth

“화영이 내꺼~야, 삼촌이 더 좋지? [hwayoung is mine~ i’m better, right?]” jimin coos and you watch as he disappears down the hallway

well

you’re probably never going to get your child back now

jungkook didn’t think he’d like hwayoung as much as he does because like

babies are disgusting

and annoying

and loud

and they drool and poop everywhere and they’re just constantly leaking fluids

but bitch

he is W HI P P ED for this baby with a capital wH

“i love tummy time, don’t you?” jungkook sighs and rests his cheek against his fist before looking over at hwayoung

he reaches over to squeeze her bread roll arm

squidge

uWU

“i’m gonna eat ur little bread roll arms yes i am yes i am” he shifts closer and leans down to nip at her elbow and she squawks

you can’t help but snort before returning your attention back to your laptop

you set up hwayoung’s mobile in yoongi’s office and jungkook popped over with your coffee and is supposed to go back to work immediately but here he is lying on the floor with your baby

hwayoung gurgles before letting out a huff and squishing her cheek against the floor

keeping your head up is hard work okAy give her a break

jungkook flips over onto his back and reaches up to whack at the little moon plush that’s hanging from the top of the mobile

hwayoung lets out a muffled whine because her face is currently smooshed against the floor seeing that she cannoT LIFT HER HEAD SOMEONE HELP HER

“알았~어 인제 한번 뒤집어보자? [okay~ how about we flip you over?]” jungkook tilts his head backwards so that he can look at hwayoung but all he sees is the top of her head

he sits up before turning and picking hwayoung up gently and flips her over like a lil pancake

“jungkook, careful” you scowl and jungkook waves you off before reaching down to flick the moon plush

hwayoung reaches up to try and grab it

her chubby fingers brush against the bottom of it and jungkook coos

“you can’t reach the moon because of your sausage fingers, ya loser” he teases and reaches down to boop her nose and she swats at his finger

jungkook is still hooked on this bread roll arm thing (he’ll never get over it for as long as he lives) and pretty soon all that can be heard in the room is him fAWning over hwayoung

“얘는 팔에 식빵 있네! 식빵 사세요!!! [this baby has bread-roll arms! come buy this bread!]” he laughs as he wiggles her plump arm around

yep

caPITAL wH

“and if those papers aren’t on my desk by monday morning 8am you can consider yourself fiREd” yoongi barks before slamming the phone back down onto the receiver “ridiculous! absolutely ridiculous” he scoffs and whips around

hwayoung squawks in the baby carrier and wraps her tiny fingers around yoongi’s pointer finger

“하.. 나진짜! [i mean, seriously!]” yoongi bounces up and down as he continues to ramble on and on “이 사람들은 내 시간 낭비하는게 일인가.. 서류 작성하는게 뭔 어려운 일이라고...??[these people are wasting my time! how hard is it to fill out documents??]”

when the korean comes out that’s when you know yoongi’s suPer pissed

you poke your head through the crack of the door and you’re only a little surprised to see yoongi pacing back and forth ranting angrily while hwayoung lets out the occasional babble

she looks at you like she wants you to save her from this hELL because yoongi’s bouncing her a little bit too aggressively now

she’s got her fingers wrapped around his pointer finger as he goes oN and oN

yoongi looks down at the baby attached to his chest “don’t you think this is ridiculous? i’m probably going to have to start firing people at this rate.”

hwayoung looks up at him and gurgles

“누구 해고하는거 내 마음인데, [i can fire whoever i want] thank you very much.”

“agha”

“얘네 무능하다 [they’re incompetent], that’s why!”

“bajdsl”

hm

this seems like a daddy-daughter moment

you’ll leave them alone for now

“you look like such a dad.” you snort and yoongi glances over at you before returning his attention to the TV

“i am a dad.”

he’s wearing a plaid button-up pyjama top with a t-shirt underneath (because it’s still a lil cold out) and hwayoung is lying on his chest just snoozing away

she’s wearing a matching plaid onesie which is adorable and u know yoongi did it on puRpose

you sit down next to yoongi and peek at hwayoung

her cheek is squished against his chest and you can’t help but poke her little nose

you rest your head on yoongi’s shoulder n he gives the top of your head a kiss

in this moment you can’t help but feel overwhelmingly happy

because you love your husband

and you love your daughter

“…i think hwayoung just pooped.”

…and you love your lil family of three.

[whenthedayisdone]

3 random facts. Do you wish you had siblings (i dont think youve mentioned if u do or not, if u do do you wish you didnt lol)? Top 5 movies that makes you cry and why. Top 13 (lol) taylor lyrics (or less)(or more) (just ur favorites however many there are)

1. I tend to keep the lights off a lot. I just find lights so annoying on my quiet times. Lmao

2. I sleep with socks on on summer sometimes bc I can't for the life of me sleep with my feet uncovered. So I figure that socks on them are better than trying to control a blanket to only cover my feet without covering anything else and without falling off the bed. Lmao

3. I HATE horror movies. 6th Sense was so traumatizing as a kid. 🙊

I have siblings. 6 of them bc according to my parents, WHY NOT??

As a kid, I remember wishing I was an only child a few times. But now, as an adult, I don't anymore. We have the best times together. We're all mostly grown ups now and handling each other now isn't the same as handling each other before our empathic systems were developed, which essentially, made us all a bunch of psychopaths running around and having fun one minute but pulling each other's hairs the next. Lmao

I'll edit it bc Tumblr hates me. Hold on.

Top 5 movies

1. Marley & Me. I watched this movie a week after my dog died. Obviously I'm a horrible decision maker and OH MY WHY DIDN'T ANYONE STOP ME???

2. The good dinosaur. I cried and it's embarrassing and that's that.

3. Before you. Like, I normally don't cry. But I don't know. I was overly sensitive. Haha

4. Titanic. The first time a main role guy ever died on me. I thought they were forever and then... Gone.

5. My girl. I cried as a kid and I still cry now. Jeez. which is why I don't watch it anymore. Ain't nobody got time for that. Lmao

Top 13 lyrics (13? Taylor, is that you? Lmao)

You need to give a few minutes to think up this one. Hold on.

Here it goes in no particular order. I'm just looking up my playlist on Spotify and remembering the lyrics of the songs as they come up.

1. I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say 'hello' to you and risk another goodbye – I almost do

[...]

I just wanna tell you it takes EVERYTHING in me not call you. I wish I could run to you and I hope you know that everytime I don't, I almost do. - I almost do

2. People like you always want back the love they gave away.

[...]

I've been picking up the pieces of the mess you made.

People like you always want back the love they pushed aside.

But people like me are gone forever when you say goodbye.

[...]

You were all I wanted... But not like this. - All you had to do was stay

3. I jump from the train, I ride off alone. I never grew up, it's getting so old. – The Archer

4. And you'll save all your dirtiest jokes for me. And at every table, I'll save you seat, Lover. - Lover

5. Maybe we got lost in translation. Maybe I asked for too much, but maybe this thing was a masterpiece till you tore it all up.

[...]

You call me up again just to break me like a promise. So casually cruel in the name of being honest.

[...]

Time won't fly. It's like I'm paralyzed by it. I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still tryna find it. After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own. Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone. - All too well

6. The drought was the very worst. When the flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst. - Clean

7. And I know I make the same mistakes every time. Bridges burn, I never learn, at least I did one thing right.

[...]

I recall late November, holdin' my breath, slowly I said, "You don't need to save me. But would you run away with me?" Yes. - Call it what you want

8. Why'd I have to break what I love so much?

It's on your face, and I'm to blame, I need to say.

Hey. It's all me in my head.

I'm the one who burned us down. But it's not what I meant. Sorry that I hurt you.

I don't wanna do, I don't wanna do this to you. I don't wanna lose, I don't wanna lose this with you.

I need to say.

Hey It's all me, just don't go. Meet me in the afterglow. - Afterglow

9. Your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep - King of my heart

10. Whisky on ice, Sunset and Vine. You've ruined my life, by not being mine.

[...]

I feel like I might sink and drown and die. - Gorgeous

11. Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere. - New year's day.

12. There is an indentation in the shape of you. Made your mark on me, a golden tattoo.

[...]

All of this silence and patience, pining in anticipation. My hands are shaking from holding back from you.

All of this silence and patience, pining and desperately waiting. My hands are shaking from holding back from all this.

[...]

Say my name and everything just stops. - Dress

13. If I bleed you'll be the last to know.

[...]

Said, "I'm fine", but it wasn't true. I don't wanna keep secrets. Just to keep you. - Cruel summer

[fandomtrashwhoops]

Fool’s Tears Pt.2

Chapter:| 1 | 2 |

Word Count: 1699

Summary: Eliana Lynn Gothel is sought to be the lost daughter of Rapunzel and Eugene. What happens when an evil girl is caught between two words?

Author’s Note: this is very self indulgent to me, and you can tell lmao

—————-

Mother wouldn’t let me leave the house in the following week. I stayed inside, day after day, wondering when she would let me go. I sat atop of the crate in front of our dirt covered TV, flipping through the channels. I saw Auradon, freezing in place. No, today couldn’t be the day, right? My heart sank when I watched the live footage of the limousine pass through the barrier and into the land of Auradon. What I saw next shook me to my core. My best friends got off the Island, and out of the vehicle to meet the king.

Nobody even said goodbye to me.

This was the exact moment my hatred began to grow, my blood would soon turn into a boiling sea and nothing was ever the same from the second they stepped foot into Auradon and shook hands with King Ben.

My focus snapped back to the TV as I watched who I thought to be my best friends step foot into Auradon Prep. I shut the TV off, fighting back the tears that were forming. For what felt like the millionth time this week, I cried.

“They’ll be back. They will come back for you and everything is gonna be okay.” I kept repeating these words to myself but somewhere in my heart I knew they weren’t true.

~

“Honey, you don’t need to be in Auradon with them. They’re no good for you.” Mother stroked my hair, attempting to comfort me.

Ever since they left, I’ve been a hopeless wreck. Mother does her best to comfort me in these times, but I can tell that she doesn’t really care. Only keeping up the act until she finds someone and gets rid of me.

I never in my life expected to be invited to Auradon, and should have fully expected mother to say no. I never should’ve gotten my hopes up.

“You’re right mother, and I know you’re right.”

“That’s what I like to hear, darling. Now, go clean up the house. I’ll be back in a week.”

“Where are you going?”

“I said I’ll be back in a week. It better be done by the time I return.”

“Yes, mother.”

I watched as she walked up the stairs, glistening tears still rolling down my cheeks. Putting on a brave face, I began my work. Every day felt more and more hopeless. Would they ever get the wand and set us free?

The second she was out of sight, I sprinted up the stairs, through the alleyway, and onto the roofs that Jay and I used to race across. I could still see our footprints across the sand covered rooftops, and the streak of Jay’s shortcuts. I never knew how he did it, but he always seemed to get there a split second faster. Maybe he just ran faster than I did, or maybe I let him beat me. Either way, the reminder was brutal. I didn’t want to cry, really. But crying felt like the only thing I could do right anymore.

Their parents were still around, though. Right? I’ve always been welcomed into their space. Confirming my decision, I ran the route that Jay and I would always race on, straight back to the door. I decided to take an alternate entrance, since I’d heard voices yelling. At the back balcony, I peered into the room, seeing the faces of my 4 best friends on the screen of their TV.

For a second, I thought I saw Jay’s eyes widen, but he’d already pressed the button when the screen went black. My imagination must’ve gone crazy.

“Knock, knock.” I said, entering the room.

“Eliana, dear. You’re not in Auradon with them?” The Evil Queen asked.

I shook my head, masking my sadness. “Mother refused.”

“Soon enough, that won’t even matter!” Maleficent exclaimed. “We just spoke to the children. Friday, at ten AM there’s a big coronation. The wand will be ours.” Everyone in the room cheered triumphantly.

“I can’t wait.” I couldn’t tell if I was sincere. Did we really want Maleficent to be our leader? To make so many people suffer?

~

It was Friday, 9:30 AM. I’d cleaned the entirety of the house more than three times this morning. Mother still hadn’t returned, and I eagerly waited in front of the TV. Today was the day I could finally see them again. Maybe I could find out that them not saying goodbye was all a misunderstanding. My head wanted to believe that, but my heart knew I was wrong.

I paced around the house, double checking everything before looking at my shattered clock, running back to the TV. The sound wasn’t perfect but the picture was almost crystal clear.

A beautiful woman appeared on the screen, and I recognized her appearance as Snow White. “At last, here we are, broadcasting live from the coronation where Prince Benjamin will soon be crowned king! I’m Snow White,” She continued to speak for a moment, and I went into a daze for a moment. “Oh! And here comes Ben now!”

I looked at Ben and Mal in the carriage together. Mal was in a beautiful purple dress, fitting every bit of her perfectly. “King Ben. Huh, never would’ve thought.” I said quietly to myself. They chatted quietly to each other in the carriage before the scene switched back to Snow White.

“Here comes Ben with Mal, looking like a princess!” Snow White grinned as she spoke. “Now let’s see who this beauty is wearing.” She looked down to read the card. “Evie! Someone named Evie designed her gown.”

Evie always did have a knack for fashion. She designed all of our outfits specially for us. Mine was a beautiful wine red halter neck top made of leather, and black leather pants with gold accents along the edges in delicate shapes of suns and flowers. In her clothing, you could always tell she was destined to be in Auradon. It was the land of opportunity, after all.

I fiddled with my bracelet nervously. It was a black braided bracelet with a fading charm with the letter ‘J’. Jay had given it to me the day he declared us best friends. Slowly our relationship deepened and if it hadn’t been for them leaving to Auradon, I almost think it could’ve been more.

The cameras switched to them about to crown Ben as the king. My heart was racing and my palms were sweaty. Something in my heart told me this was wrong, but every other part of me needed to get off this Island.

“Do you solemnly swear to govern the peoples of Auradon with justice and mercy as long as you shall reign?” Fairy Godmother asked, holding the wand in her hands.

“I do solemnly swear.” Ben looked calm. He had no idea what they were about to do.

“Then it is my honor and my joy to bless our new-” Fairy Godmother couldn’t even finish her sentence as the camera quickly panned to the wand being grabbed. But the only thing I wasn’t expecting was that Mal hadn’t grabbed the wand. “Child, what are you doing?!”

“If you won’t make me beautiful, I’ll do it myself!” A girl I didn’t recognize, evidently the Fairy Godmother’s daughter, spun around as she tried to use the wand on herself.

It was only then that I watched Mal grab the wand from her. Ben stood back in horror, slowly trying to approach her.

“Mal, give me the wand.” He said.

“Stand back!” She responded.

“It’s okay.”

“Ben, I said stand back!”

I watched the others run down to help her, my mind in a daze. This was actually happening..

“Do you really want to do this?”

“We have no choice, Ben! Our parents-”

“Your parents made their choice. Now, you make yours.”

Mal froze for a moment, her voice trembling as she looked at Ben, to the wand, and back to Ben. “I think I want to be good.”

“What?!” I stood up from my crate, backing away. My mind was in a daze, my heart racing as I watched further.

Mal was talking again, tears coming from her eyes. “I want to listen to my heart, too. My heart is telling me that we are not our parents. I mean, stealing things doesn’t make you happy.” She was talking to Jay. “Tourney and victory pizza with the team makes you happy.” She was right, stealing never made Jay happy. Running long the rooftops and beating me in races made him happy.

Is Auradon really where he belonged?

She turned to Carlos. “And you, scratching Dude’s belly makes you happy. Who would’ve thought? And Evie, you do not have to play dumb to get a guy. You are so smart. And I don’t wanna take over the world with evil. It doesn’t make me happy. I want to go to school, and be with Ben.” She held up her hand, a ring showing on her finger. “Because Ben makes me really happy. Us being friends makes me really happy. Not destroying things. I choose good, you guys.” She put her hand out, waiting for everyone to respond.

To my heartbreak, Jay almost immeditely put his hand on top of hers. “I choose good, too.”

“I choose good.” Next was Evie.

Carlos hesitated, his hand hovering. “So, just to be clear, we don’t have to be worried about how really mad our parents will be? Because they’re gonna be really, really mad.” He laughed nervously.

“Your parents can’t reach you here.” Ben smiled at the group, internally I was screaming.

Don’t do it, Carlos. Please.

“Okay, then. Good.” He put his hand in.

“No!” I ripped a wood panel off of the crate next to me, breaking it over my knee and chucking it.

I cried.

When I brought my attention back to the TV, I saw Mal and what looked to be Maleficent in her dragon form on the screen. There must’ve been a small enough break in the barrier for her sceptor to work and get to Auradon.

“Leave my friends alone! This is between me and you mother.” She began to chant, her eyes lighting up more green than I’d ever seen them before. “The strength of evil is good as none, when stands before four hearts as one. The strength of evil is good as none, when stands before four hearts as one. The strength of evil is good as none, when stands before four hearts as one.”

Just like that it was over. Maleficent was defeated and Mal was in control. I watched Fairy Godmother speak to Mal. “She shrank to the sizeof the love in her heart. That’s why she’s so small right now.”

“Is she gonna be this way forever?” Mal asked.

“Well, forever is a long time. You learned to love. Maybe she can, too.” I shut off the TV, fuming and heartbroken.

I couldn’t believe this. First they leave without saying goodbye, and now they’re staying in Auradon forever? To be good? I moved without thinking, rage boiling inside of me as I ran out of the house and straight towards the docks.

If anyone was going to be as mad as I was, it was going to be Uma. She had to understand.

There were fireworks that night. We could faintly hear the music from the ship. The lights were beautiful, and I was livid. 

[ryncorrect]

university!au: day6 wonpil

first of all i will definitely do poorly on this because,,, you know,,,,, he’s so precious and i don’t think my words can do it justice ksbdjshs i wanna make the sweetest scenario for him

but i suck at sweet stuffs smh bye

name: kim wonpil

major: modeling (i still cant believe this is an actual major im living under a rock smh)

other activities: member of music club, keyboardist and main singer of the university band

jae calls him “the backbone” of the music club because wonpil participates in all club events, he always takes part in weekly activities, and he actively finds new recruits

jae on the other side pops up once in a blue moon to play guitar, do shit, then disappears

don’t worry ever since jae starts dating the newest member who happens to be wonpil’s bestie he’s more active now

honestly more than half of their club members joined because wonpil made them to

he’s persuasive and convincing okay you would end up eating rocks if he told you it’s good for health

but he’ll never do that ever bc he speaks no lies okay he’s like the sweetest person in the earth

he’ll cry by the sight of cute puppies, do i have to explain further

wonpil was nominated as the club president but the other candidate park sungjin who’s also his roommate beat him by one vote

well he prefers to be just regular member anyway, that way he can still do a lot of things for the club but with less responsibilities

you see he’s really nice, he’s caring, he’s hardworking, he’s confident, he knows how to present himself and he’s hella attractive

he’s taking modeling as his major do i make myself clear

everyone LOVES wonpil

and i mean sometimes it’s just not only a platonic love but like an “i will give you my heart and soul please marry me” love

too bad he’s oblivious af

someone: i,, i like you wonpil,,,, d-do you like me too?

wonpil: of course!!! you’re my friend!!!!!!!!!

someone: ….oh ok

accidental friendzone

but you know he doesnt actually mean to do that, he just doesn’t think anyone likes him like that

moreover he already has someone in mind

aka the coffee shop girl

aka Y O U

yeah hello guys i am: still lame

the first time he met you was on exams week

everyone was busy and stressed af and running on almost no sleep

except maybe wonpil

not because he was fully prepared but more like he forgot exams week was coming until the day before so he just decided to wing it lol whatevs

anyway his roommate aka sungjin asked him if he could go buy him a double shot espresso so wonpil did

he rarely visits coffee shops tbh and when he does he always orders vanilla latte with extra syrup for himself

wonpil seems to be that kinda person who tries to enjoy coffee but can’t handle the bitter taste its so frickin cute and trust me you think so too

so anywayyyy yeah he never saw you, aka the new barista, before

it was ur first work day as well btw and he was ur first customer

he didn’t know why but watching you being nervous made him nervous too

just imagine a stuttering costumer and a stuttering barista

everyone watched you two with anxiety

but even when wonpil was a nervous wreck he didn’t forget to smile and before leaving he said to you, “thanks, have a great day!!!!!!!!!!!”

honest to god it made your whole day better

anyway let’s move on to the second meeting

he comes back and this time he orders a vanilla latte, but being the clumsy ass that you are, you slightly confused his order

he receives his coffee and takes a sip and he freezes

you ask whats wrong and he’s like,, uh nothing,, the coffee is just,,,, kinda bitter today??? ha,,,hahahhaha,,,,

you stand still

wait

he asked for EXTRA SYRUP not EXTRA SHOT you dumbfucc

you offer to make him a new one and he refuses saying it’s fine!!! but you still feel bad so you insist but he’s like no!!! i gotta stay awake anyway i have an important quiz today i have to study! by the way uhhhh i’ve never seen you around until recently???

you introduce yourself and he introduce himself blablabla it’s awkward and your palms keep sweating for some reason

before wonpil left, he didn’t forget to say “have a great day!! i’ll see you around then!!!”

he’s so sweet uwu

seeing him and making him his vanilla latte (extra syrup) is one of the best parts of your job tbh

and he visits every single time you’re working which makes it better

why is his smile so adorable what the fuck

and there’s something about the way he walks that keeps you looking i mean boiiiii does he know how to present himself holy shit

that feeling when you see someone so beautiful you want to cry

the more you see him the more you want to know about him

what major is he in? what is he usually do outside the class? what kind of person is he? does he have a lot of friends? what’s his hobby? stuffs like that

too bad he always comes when it’s busy at the cafe so you can’t talk too much

neither he ever tries to initiate a conversation with you except his usual “hello! how are you today?” and “thank you, you make the best coffee! have a nice day!! see you!!!”

let’s admit it you highkey have a crush on him and EVERYONE knows

wELL it’s because you always wear that expression like "goddammit why must kim wonpil be so cute if he ain’t gonna ask me on a date” whenever you watch his back as he leaves the cafe

and EVERYONE but YOU knows wonpil’s so into you

whenever someone says something like “just ask him for his number he’ll definitely give it to you” you’re like “wtf nO that’s creepy and he won’t!! he doesn’t even know me!!!”

“he literally only comes when it’s your shift and he always makes sure you’re the one taking his order you oblivious dumbass”

“it’s just a coincidence”

“…..yeah whatever”

but they’re right wonpil’s crushing on you hard

at this point sungjin can even draw a portrait of you although he hasn’t actually met you before

that’s how much wonpil talks about you

from your whole adorable appearance to how cute your little cough is, or how he adores your little smile and the sparks in your eyes when he compliments your coffee, or he’ll describe your apron what the fuck and how he thinks your look so good in white and blue

sungjin’s so done with him

“just ask her out you stalker”

“nO I CAN’T!!! SHE’LL THINK IM CREEPY!!! SHE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW ME”

“well i bet she remembers your face by now since you always drop by when she’s there”

“but she meets a lot of people everyday there’s NO WAY she can remember me”

you see the problem now?

then one day jae decides to play matchmaker

by “playing matchmaker” i mean he follows wonpil to the cafe and straight up tells you, in front of wonpil’s face and everyone there, “yo this friend of mine wants to take you on a date and he wonders if you’re interested”

you are: blushing

wonpil is: dead pale

you: o-oh… i’m–

wonpil: yO HE’S JUST JOKING HAHAHAHA IM SO SORRY oH My gOd jAE LET’S GO

he drags his tall friend aka jae out of the cafe and since then he never visits again :(

im sad now ugh i told you i suck at sweet stuffs like this

fast forward it’s summer and the university wonpil’s attending is holding a summer festival that’s open for public

well,,,,, you decide to go and you ask some of your friends to tag along

you’re not sure what you’re hoping; maybe you just want to see how the place wonpil’s studying at looks like, or maybe you do wish to meet him by accident or something yanno like a drama

whatever

you promised yourself that if you don’t see him today, you’ll get over him

but if you do see him, you will ask. him. out.

well jokes on you babe he’s there performing on the stage with the band

he’s,,, he’s singing,,, and playing keyboard,,,, omg his voice

as you already know im uncreative soooo by impossible coincidence somehow his eyes spot you in the crowd

btw i imagine them singing Pouring but i think you can pick any songs you like

he’s so taken aback that one second he’s singing and the next second he sees you and his eyes widen and he’s like “I’m falling for–hUH? why are you here??” to the microphone

don’t worry the others cover for his mistake while trying not to laugh

everyone laughs too while looking around to find the person whom wonpil sees

you’re embarrassed as fuck you want to curl up and hide forever

but your so-called-friends don’t let you get away that easy okay it’s your only chance

dw dude wonpil feels the same he wants to immediately get off the stage and die

but sungjin will literally kill wonpil in his sleep if he doesn’t do anything it’s now or never

poor boi has had enough of this pining shit

so after the band performance wonpil has no choice but to approach you

“h-hey! so you watched our stage!”

“y-yeah! it was great!! didn’t know you can sing so well”

“h-haha thanks”

“y-you’re welcome”

silence

more silence

wonpil clears his throat and, “so…”

you blink fast, “yeah…?”

“um uhhh do you wanna see around? i can take you”

“oH of course”

What Am I Even Writing Anymore

well remember your promise earlier? about asking him out?? no???

is it too late to chicken out and forget the whole thing now

you barely know each other it’s so awkward and he looks so fine today and you really don’t wanna push him even further now but if you hesitate longer who knows someone else will ask him first and just the thought alone breaks your heart a little bit

so it’s time to grow a pair and take risks cmon dude you can do this

one

two

“anywaysijustwonderifyou'refreenextsaturday?”

wait

it was!! not!!! your voice!!!!

“huh?”

wonpil clears his throat and repeats slower, “i just wonder if you’re uhhhh free next saturday?”

o shit

o fUck YeAH

you cough a bit before answering, “y-y-yeah i guess??”

“ok um i like, have two tickets for movie if you want to come with me”

that’s like the lamest invitation and you yourself gotta admit that lmao

but oh kim wonpil,, dear,,,, there’s no way i would say no

so you two go on a date

or “casual outing” as you two call it

but everyone knows it’s a date okay even though you two didn’t have any skinskip oops

it’s okay it takes a bit of time but you’ll get there

i mean, since then you two go out together almost every weekend so ye it won’t be that long until the awkwardness wears off

wonpil just cherish you so much he’s afraid he’ll scare you or hurt your feeling by accident so he never boldly initiates anything

the first time you two finally holding hands is when you two go skating, and that’s just because you two are so bad at that

gotta hold each other so you won’t keep falling aye romance

you don’t know this but trust me wonpil talks about it for days sungjin almost decides to move out

he’s still insisting it’s not a date tho

“you know what, i can already imagine you two in like 10 years, standing at the altar and be like, do you marry me as a friend or what? unclear”

“do you think we’ll get married?????”

“oh dear god”

but yeah

you two will get there

somehow

just take your sweet time and give wonpil all the love in the world i beg you

that’s it YAY i think imma work on sungjin’s next wish me luck im running out of lame cliche ideas now lol bye

[jcmorgenstern]

How do you think the show will end/how do you think they will kill jonathon?

oh god ok spoilers from the promos

luke’s (garroway’s) runes are probably due to the alliance rune, and by the placement they might be jace’s so i guess he ends up bonded to him and clary bonds with simon (or maybe izzy does for the #ship). that’s how they defeat the demons. izzy and alec go after magnus (genuinely no idea what he’s getting down in edom that will make him more powerful than the force needed to bind lilith or banish asmodeus). i wouldn’t be surprised if maia gets her pack through the alliance rune somehow??? or perhaps her arc is just setting off to find a pack idk.

sorry really broad open ended-questions like “how does the show end” are hard for me to answer bc there’s SO MUCH to cover but….obviously clary kills him, i don’t really know how nor do i particularly care that much, she probably uses a rune to remove the demon blood and he dies in her arms because “there’s not enough good in him to live” (im boiling just thinking about it but there’s not much else for them to do after that turn in the finale). I think jonathan may betray the seelie queen because luke said there’s something he does that to kim that will make us mad at him, and unless he’s taken to pranking her with really bad puns I can’t see what that would be.

I find it interesting there’s that shot of meliorn fighting considering what he does in the books (and the fact the queen was CLEARLY courting jonathan to her side, either for protection or to manipulate him into doing something, but what that would have been is anyone’s guess. it would be super interesting if in the finale they decided to let Meliorn be a good guy and betray the queen instead, but we’ll see.

obviously there’s the wedding and the auction spoiler…not really sure on that front but I saw a very Yikes spoiler (the shroud) that i hope is just an edom hallucination, but i don’t think the letter is. the epilogue could kind of go anywhere, tbh im not super invested in the finale because as predicted, i was totally unimpressed by the rationale for crispy boy’s face-heel-turn into apocalyptic villainy, (like honestly even from a m*rgencest POV it’s dumb as heck (also that was a courtesy censor so it doesn’t show up in the tag, im not bleeping it out lmao)).

lilith MIGHT show up, same with asmodeus, honestly there’s hardly any time for her so idk. I would honestly prefer she kill him at this point but i know that won’t happen, maybe they get cain to turn on her again idk. tbh lilith oscillates madly between totally OP to kind of useless so it’ll probably be kind of meh whatever her defeat is (if they even go there). I’d like lorenzo to be released from lizard prison because sorry magnus can’t just turn his predecessor into a lizard and take back the job without consequences, if that’s really what they’re doing, also cmon this is magnus he’d be like “time for a re-election,” turn lorenzo back into a person, and procede to demolish him in said re-election.

lukemaryse obvs end up together, maia and bat probably get some shipping at the wedding, same with haline, clace is kind of a wildcard to me, sizzy get together in the finale and are together at the wedding, uhhh……it would be nice to see cleo again but tbh we won’t, jia will inexplicably become a nice guy after trying to resurrect valentine 2 weeks prior, the clave is suddenly happy bunny fluff, the end.

also who’s gonna lose their memory?? honestly ur guess is as good as mine but probably clary??? but jace walks into the art school and she’s like “oh do i know you from somewhere” and that’s the end. THAT’S MY GUESS fuck idk

so like, overall i’m curious to see where the characters ive loved for so long will end up and I really really want them to be happy, but i can’t turn off the filthy stan brain that’s gonna be pretty crushed. again. it may actually be worse this time because of the development he got in the past only to get pancaked again (crisppancaked?? tis a mystery). so im gonna try to enjoy the other stuff in the moment and then get all morose afterwards, as is my MO.

anyway sorry this is a mess, please don’t hold me to any of this it’s all off the top of my head I may have better theories lying around SOMEwhere. i guess we’ll find out soon??

[ardentlythieving]

HEWWO EVERYBODY IT’S END OF YEAR RECAP TIME WITH ME: UR PAL ARDO

First of all if ur reading this, merry christmas if u celebrate it and happy holidays if u don’t!!! Y’all are amazing people and I hope this time of year is a good one for you, and if it’s not I hope you find the time to do smth nice for urself!!

Dam this year has been crazy tho. I mean if ur dash is anything like mine you’ve prob seen all those posts talking about how long this year has felt re: the sheer amount of stuff happening. But on a more individual level there’s some stuff I wanna say I guess so in no particular order here is my Thoughts™ coz there’s been some good, some bad, and some weird this year. 

So, this year has been a kind of wild one for me in terms of things changing. The big one being that I started university and kinda lost contact with most of my pals from high school. All goods tho, coz I met some amazing new people thru tabletop gaming who idk if I’m at the friends point with yet, but I defo wanna try and get there coz they’re cool as heck. It’s true what people say that starting university is a big change coz DAM things have been wild and hopefully are gonna keep being wild next year espc coz one of my online friends is moving down to start at my university and I’m super excited to meet her in person!! Speaking of meeting people in person I finally got to hang out with @chipmunkwithwings at her place and that was one of the highlights of my year for sure! She’s a super cool person and that week was just utterly brilliant.

Anyways while we’re on the topic of friends this year sure has been exciting for that as well. I’ve made some amazing new ones, gotten closer with some older ones, had some drift apart and thru it all I’ve learnt something important. Namely that, there’s nothing wrong with the friends I had before, but I’ve felt so much better and it’s just been so much healthier for me now I’ve also started pursuing and focusing on friendships with people around my age. It sounds weird to say, but despite having a good collection of close friends there was a part of me that was lonely, and that part has kinda stopped being so much now not all my friends are 10ish years older than me. 

That’s one thing I’ve discovered, but this year has been a big one for discovery for me. I tried a bunch of different papers and found out that I hate international relations and love philosophy. I’ve started learning Swedish!! And probably the biggest and most important discovery: thanks to my friends telling me “dude you really need to do this” I’ve gotten on anti-depressants!!! Which have really been helping me so much. That’s probably.... my biggest regret is that I didn’t get on them a few years ago. Still, I’m on them now and my head is just working so much better. Also, and I’ve talked about this in an earlier post so if you wanna kno deets you can go read it, I properly I guess remembered? stopped repressing? how a friend abused me a few years ago and started working thru the issues I have because of that.  

At this point I’m gonna put things under a cut coz this is where shit is gonna get long. 

Some letters, to the people I’ve known this year. I know a LOT of people so I’m prob gonna not mention anyone so if I don’t mention you: I love y’all. Ur so so fucking brilliant all of u and I’m honored to know you and to have had this chance to be in contact with y’all. I’m deeply sorry for any way I might have wronged you over this year, and if any of you wronged ME I forgive you entirely. If any of you haven’t really talked to me, but want to; or if we’ve drifted outta contact and you wanna pick things back up or ANYTHING at all feel free to msg me anytime. My discord is ardentlyThieving#4893 and this is an open invitation to anyone reading this coz there’s a ton of cool ppl on here who I haven’t talked to as much as I’d like. Anyways onto the individual stuff.

To the afternoon gang. You guys all mean so so fucking much to me, more than probably anyone else. Ur my best support network, my greatest pals. Being friends with you all is a fucking delight. I know I’m not always active in our server, but trust me that it’s nothing on you. I’ve enjoyed every moment hanging out with you guys. Or well, most of them at least :P. We have the wildest conversations and trust me, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I know some of you guys have had a hard time this year and I’m so sorry that you guys are going thru that shit coz y’all deserve so much better. It’s my deepest hope that next year is a good one for all of you and if there’s every anything I can do you guys know where to find me. I love you so so so so so much and I hope these last few days of 2018 are as good for you as they can possibly be.

To the people of Eff’s servers. You guys are super duper cool. Being salty with y’all is so much fun and also so deeply annoying that people keep pulling this shit that we gotta be salty about. I love the fact that we can go from shitty meme posting (usually my fault) to having in depth n thoughtful conversations about just about anything (hopefully usually not my fault). Y’all are amazing people and it feels like you’ve all found urselves a bit more this year, which I’m so happy for you about.

To Sakshi. That’s right, u get an individual one. Ur like, my hero. Srsly dude the fact that ur so fucking patient with the utter dumbasses msging you and that u started this whole deep conversation that ur not backing down from? I’m so proud of you, I admire you so much, and you have my utmost support. Hmu if you ever need me to drag someone for you. Also i’m sorry to out you as a gamer to the fine people of tumblr dot com (actually I’m not that sorry) but it’s been so much fun playing swtor with you. And salt watching things with you. I love how fun our friendship is and also how we can have proper deep conversations like 10/10 A+ content. 

To Hammi. Dude you are awesomesauce. My fave lesbian pal. I love memeing with you and gaming with you and chatting with you. Here’s to another great year broski!

To Clare. We’ve only just met at the very end of this year and I’m so glad we did. Ur super cool and funny and I love ur art n posts.

To my swtor guild. Another group of wonderful people who I’ve only just met. i’m so fucking excited to get to know all of you better coz y’all have such great swtor opinions and are so much fun to play with. Sorry about what I did to the Gizka flagship bridge lmao.

To Sofa. DUDE HI! becoming friends with you this year has been one of the highlights. Thank you for all the support you’ve given me and for all the fun times we’ve had. I adore playing video games with you and I fucking love ur swtor ocs. You’ve been there for me so much, and I hope I’ve been there for you as well. Thank you for everything.

To Marie. Yet another person I met later on this year and haven’t had the chance to get so close with. Defo my bad there I need to msg you more often. Thanks for being there for me, even though I was kind of a shitty friend to you at one point. I didn’t deserve ur patience but you gave it to me anyway and I’m so fuckin grateful for that. I hope to make that up to you in the coming year. <3

To Jason. We were tight at the start of the year and kinda drifted apart which I regret. Msg me anytime dude and if you ever reinstall swtor you should totally hmu coz playing it with you was a ton of fun!! 

To Traya. I know we’ve only talked on and off this year, but I’m so excited for you to be at my university and to hang out in person!! Hang in there dude, coz there’s so many cool people for you to meet and take it from me that university really is so much better than college.

Ok this is where the happy positivity ends!! Again I love y’all so much and I hope that next year is better for all of you then this one was!!! Thanks for being pals with me, I appreciate it so much even when I’m not great at showing it.

Coz there’s one more letter I gotta write coz after however many years I want closure. This is where it ends.

To Teri. Wow. I never thought I’d be saying ur name again. Well typing, but w/e. That first year we were friends was so fucking good and I’m glad we had that, coz you were a pretty cool person. I dunno why you decided to change all that and start hurting me and I’m probably never gonna understand but you know what? That’s ok. I don’t need to. You hurt me, I got out. I’m not sure, but I think you were being hurt by people as well and I hope you got out like I did. No matter how badly you treated me you still don’t deserve to be abused urself. Nobody deserves that. I don’t know if I forgive you, and I don’t know if I ever will, but I hope things are better for you now. I’m sorry for the times I wronged you while we were friends. This isn’t me saying I deserved to be abused by you, because I sure as hell didn’t, but well. Two wrongs don’t make a right and ur abuse doesn’t magically erase the times I wasn’t the greatest friend. I thought ignoring the things you did to me would make things better, but instead I let it all fester inside me and change my behaviour without realizing that’s what happened. So this is me letting go of it all. Coz you don’t get to fuckin take anything else away from me. I’m better now than I was then despite everything you did to me. This is me, making a conscious choice to heal and move on and grow. It’s not gonna be easy, but imma do it and it’s gonna be so fucking wonderful. This is Arden signing out because you don’t GET to have any control over my life anymore. Never ever again.

[insporaelynn]

📲 raelynn & cillian

WHEN: february 16th

DESCRIPTION: rae and cil talk about heavy shit and then make plans to go to a literal painting class with jude in tow. 

TRIGGER WARNINGS: sex mention, drug mention, honestly if cil is involved there’s some warnings. TW: KILLAIN KELLY

@cilliankelly

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

Claudia reached out to me. To apologize, and well, I don't know if she's spoken to you but she let me know that she's a week clean. Hope it sticks.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i've talked to her, yeah...

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

I didn't like. Outright give her my forgiveness, but I told her she can earn it. So. That's a step in the right direction?

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

you're more open to the idea than jude is.

he wants to cut her out entirely this time.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

I mean, if that's what's going to be healthy for him, I support it.

For me, idk, I feel bad about not taking into account that she has a disease. She didn't choose this.

And I guess. I don't know. I want to give her a chance to do good for herself. If she fucks up again though...I'm bowing out. You can't help someone who doesn't want it.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i feel the same. i mean, she's my friend you know? but it's... it's complicated.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

You have to do what's going to be safe and healthy for you.

Whatever that looks like.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

it's not really about me. it's jude.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

Yeah, but she kind of wreaked havoc on both of your lives, you know? It affected you, too.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

it did, i know... but i mean... i want to support her, okay? she asked me to come to an NA meeting with her and i agreed. but me being involved with claudia at all... it bothers him.

we're not talking about it right now. he said he was going to therapy this week and maybe we could talk through it then.

it's just complicated.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

That sounds like the right way to handle it. For him to, you know, talk to someone completely outside of it first.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

yeah. and i mean the whole therapy thing... if it works for him then that's great. i just... it sucks. this whole situation.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

I know. I feel for you both. I'd talk to him about it, but I don't want him to get upset about it all over again. Sometimes I feel like some shit is better left to his therapist.

He gave me the number of his therapist so that I can call and get referred to someone in my network...because I know I need some fucking help. But I haven't called yet. Idk.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

that's probably a good idea. i wouldn't mention claudia to him at all right now.

i still don't really know how i feel about the whole therapy thing. i want to believe that maybe it works but i don't know. i tried it once and that fucking failed so.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

All I know is that when I'm having sex, I'm not thinking about whatever's bugging me. So maybe I don't need it, maybe I just need to keep going out at night.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i mean that sounds better than therapy to me

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

Yeah like??? Whatever it's coping and I'm good at it.

Fuck report is gonna look dope this week.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i need an outlet. other than smashing things. though that it a helluva lot of fun

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

i mean there are those places where you can literally go there for the purpose of smashing things.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

but what's the fun in that?

controlled smashing?

fuck that

it defeats the purpose

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

i think it's only controlled in the sense that you have goggles on.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i don't want someone to give me permission to smash things, rae.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

maybe if you pay extra they'll yell at you to stop

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

that's another thing

why would i pay for something i can do for free?

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

decent point.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i feel like maybe if i could make something. that would be... something. but what?

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

Like something artsy?

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

it's stupid, right?

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

no i don't think so at all. i actually have a few ideas i think?

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

like what?

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

I know that they sometimes have these cool events where they get a group of people together to do a painting. You bring a friend and your own wine and just chill and paint, and when you're done you have art to take home with you.

I walked by one awhile ago, they were painting the building from the office.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i dunno rae...

painting??

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

It can be fun, I mean, I haven't done it in forever, but art class was always really chill? Plus, a lot of these people are amateurs and just there to drink and hang out, so our pictures won't look that bad, and even if they do, i'll give you mine to hang in your place and you can give me yours lmao

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

the drinking part doesn't sound bad. does it have to be wine? can i bring fireball instead?

also i'm only going if you can somehow convince jude to go.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

I have no idea actually? I guess you could probably fill one of my empty wine bottles with fireball. No one would notice.

omg, but you know he'd never.

not unless you really really wanted to.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

awwwwww bummer. guess that idea's shot, then.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

hey it's either that or color me mine

or pottery making without any alcohol

or adult coloring books at rae's house

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

at least with pottery i'd have something to break afterwards.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

cill NO

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

what?? it's my pot, i can do what i want with it.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

you fucking chaos human

i'll talk to J.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

even if he says yes, i'm STILL a maybe

cause we're gay, but we're not that gay.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

i'm doing you a favor!!!

how did this become about me!!

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

when you suggested PAINTING raelynn.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

WELL NOW POTTERY IS OFF THE TABLE BECAUSE I DON'T WANT YOU TO SMASH IT

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i will continue to do what i WANT, thank you

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

idk who u think ur talking to i am still the big sister here

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

your pottery is next on the smashing block.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

We're not doing pottery!!!!

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

fine, then your painting is next on the BONFIRE, how do you like that?

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

YOU ARE THE ONE WHO WANTED TO DO ART CILLIAN

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i said i wanted to MAKE something that could be ANYTHING

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

oh my GOD

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i could be making a damn SMOOTHIE

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

DO YOU WANT TO MAKE A SMOOTHIE????

also Jude said he'll try anything twice.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

wait he actually said yes?

to the painting thing?????

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

I think so, I'm getting confirmation

I checked to see what events they have this week and apparently on Friday there's a glow in the dark type of thing?

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲BOT02/17/2021

oh my god.

i can't believe this.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

we're not bringing fireball because a little birdy told me it makes you horny.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i—

fine.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

this will be cool though!!

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

will it, raemond? will it?

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

That's Mr. Raemond to you

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

fine, SIR.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

that's better.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i still can’t believe you talked jude into this. what did you say to him?

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

All I said was that I think it'd be good for you, and probably for all of us bc it's been a shit storm couple of weeks. months. years.

And he knows that you'd only go if he wanted to go, too.

The kid will do anything for you. Can't wait to officiate your wedding aka the only valid wedding that will ever happen.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

oh my god. you’re the second person to say something about us getting married.

can you honestly see either of us getting married? like ever?

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

i never used to think that jude would. but like, idk, i've never seen two people more right than you guys.

even when i still was like....the kind of person who fell in love, like even at my MOST in love, I was never as in love as Jude is with you.

I think maybe he always did even if he didn't know.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

don’t go all mushy on me rae, i will vomit.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

I'm not mushy I have no heart

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

fine then, don’t make ME get all mushy.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

basically love outside of the familial and platonic is a chemical con job and the validity is questionable at best, but i have never questioned the two of you, and coming from me, that's like, a certificate of authenticity.

i should make one and print it out and frame it for your anniversary

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i’ll be sure to hang it up.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

it might be more valid than a marriage license.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i do love him. more than i ever thought i could love anyone. he’s the only thing that makes sense to me, you know?

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

i don't know if i know what it's like in the romantic sense, i mean, not anymore.

but in other senses, i mean, yeah.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i don’t know what i would have done without you guys. jude especially but you too. and gran.

okay that’s enough of that. no more sap.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

i was literally about to tell you to shut up bc i'm literally out in public rn

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

oh? you are?

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

just got done work, grabbing some water before I go get my stuff

okay water and a shot.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

in that case i LOVE you raemond, i don’t know what i’d do WITHOUT you, i don’t want to imagine a world that doesn’t have YOU in it, my heart is so FULL of love for YOU.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

I hat eyou and I'm going to kill you and eat you for lunch

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

I'm getting picked up in a car so I can go get piped by three dudes.

So this is everything

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

three dudes?

damn, rae.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

Living THE BEST life

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

have fun. i expect a full review later.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

If it's newsworthy I'll let ya know

[survey-babe]

Survey 183

Would you like to have twins? idk maybe when I’m older but I guess u’d have to be careful about bringing them up as separate people that are still close? idk

How old is your most recent ex? 18 (most recent being 3 years ago lol)

How does your hair look right now? it’s ok tbh will need a wash tomorrow tho probs

What color were the last shoes you wore? black

Are you currently listening to any music? yeye been on the glee recently

You’re trapped in a room with your last ex for one day, what do you do? probs laugh loads n loads and also probs have some deep convos about life lmao

Who was the last person you got into an argument with? i don’t rly remember. probs my mum tbh

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months? absolutely n i have done :)

What are you listening to right now? 'i will always love you’ by glee lmao

Are you expecting a child? no

Are you waiting for anything in particular? the next time I’m seeing Nathan as always lol. Also Ella to get better :( I miss her

Last person to really piss you off? idk probs my mum lmao

What time did you go to sleep last night? about 12

Do you think you’ll be a good mother/father? I hope so but I have no faith in anything I do tbh. I think I could manage it yeh

Marriage in your future? Absolutely. Free stuff innit

If your best friend liked your last ex, what would you do? well my best friend did like my ex n they got together n i was a dick about it. If someone was to like katie now I 100% would not care but if i was to break up with Nathan n someone liked him I’d be mortified n torn as to how to act bc I’m so in love with him but wouldn’t want to be a twat n get in the way of his/my friend’s happiness lol

Want to have kids before you’re 30? I always wanted to wait until I’d got a good career but tbh I’d be happy having a kid as soon as i finish uni and secure some kind of job tbh (as long as i stay with nathan until then. want to have been with someone a while before we have kids)

Have you kissed more than 10 people this year? no

Do you like meeting new people? yeye usually

What are you doing right now? this survey n listening to music

How many piercings do you have? 0

Does anybody have a tattoo with your name on it? not that’s connected to me

Would you go out with someone right now if they asked? nah

Do you think somebody’s in love with you? absolutely and I love it so much

Who do you spend the most time with? idk i spend a lot of time with a few people. I guess it’d be nathan bc we spend at least one night a week together

Can you recall the last time you liked someone a lot? yeh rn xx

Last person you rode in a car with? my mum n dad

Do you mind sleeping on the floor? I’d rather sleep on a bed but the floor isn’t too bad

Do you enjoy summer? yeh

Do you have a phone? Yes

Is there anything you wanted to do today that you didn’t? some sociology revision. got stats n psychology done tho so it’s ok

Is it hard leaving people behind? yeh

Will you kiss someone within the next week or two? :D

What kind of outfit are you wearing right now? pyjamas

In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a guy? no i probably won’t hang out with anyone in the next 48 hours :(

Did you do something mean to someone today? idk probs

What is your favorite night to go out? friday of course

Has someone ever made a promise to you and broke it? yeh but I’m over it

Have you ever tripped over something in public? of course who hasn’t?

Do you think you and your best friend will be friends in ten years? yeh for sure

Do you wish someone would turn up at your front door right now? no unless it was nathan lol

Are you addicted to cigarettes? no

Is any part of you happy at all? yeh most of me is happy tbh

How was your day today? p good tbh. got on with quite a lot of revision and saw my favourite person in the world. Miss Ella loads tho n feel helpless when she’s in pain :(

Do you have more friends that are girls or boys? I have more close friends that are girls but my extended group is probs similar amount of boys n girls tbh

Have you ever been caught skipping class? i don’t think so

Do you hate anyone? yeh :(

How often do you listen to music? often

Who were the last people to hang out at your house? Nathan

What did you do yesterday? revised n then revised some more n then went to my grandma’s for tea n then revised some more

Are you going on vacation soon? I am doing in summer yeh :D

Do you ever watch the Disney Channel? no

What’s on your mind right now? revision tbh

Who do you call more than anyone else? Nathan

Do you bite your nails? yeh :/

Do you have a job? no ://///

Have you done anything bad in the last week? I don’t think so?

Do you like someone right now? yeah

Are you jealous of anyone right now? I get jealous over stupid things all the time

Does anyone like you? yeh

Have you ever mooned anyone? haha idk what mooning even is anymore

Where is somewhere you travel every summer? nowhere. we used to go to Wales every year but haven’t been in about 3 years 

When was the last date you went on? idk what counts as a date. last time i went out like for a meal w/ just me n nathan was probs about a month ago? I don’t remember

Do you own an iPod? no

What person on your Facebook do you talk to the most? probs Nathan tbh or maybe Ella

Do you want to fall in love? I never did want to fall in love bc it scared me loads but now I’m in love it’s the best thing ever (still scary sometimes but the good 100% outweighs the scary)

Do you wear flip-flops when it’s cold? no

Do any of your friends have children? no

Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep? nope

When was the last time you had Starbucks? i don’t think I’ve ever had starbucks

Can you whistle? kinda

Favorite TV show?

atm fresh meat, dear white people, pointless, n i’m also looking forward to the new seasons of kimmy schmidt n oitnb

Do you own any band shirts? don’t think so

What is your favorite salad dressing? i don’t rly know a lot about salads lol

Are you on a desktop or laptop? laptop

Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos? i want a few tattoos but not piercings

Would you ever date anyone covered in tattoos? idk about covered bc I’m not about face tattoos but I wouldn’t be averse to other parts of the body. it wouldn’t necessarily attract me tho

When was the last time you slept on the floor? last slept on cushions on the floor last weekend n do it every weekend

Do you eat breakfast daily? no

Do you feel more comfortable with a male or female doctor/nurse? i guess maybe female?

You’ve locked yourself outside and no one will be home for a few hours, you? go to my next door neighbour’s for a key

In the past 48 hours have you hung out with a guy? yeh just a few hours ago x

Have you ever walked on the beach at night? don’t think so

What were you doing at 2AM this morning? sleeping

How many kids do you want? probs 2 maybe 3

Are you interested in more than one person at the moment? nope

Last night, did you talk to anyone until you fell asleep? :( to Ella’s answer. I did talk to ella and nathan until i fell asleep yeh

Who are your last 3 missed calls from? idk bc my phone’s out of charge

What’s the best thing about summer? not having responsibility n doin loads of fun shit but also relaxing n sleeping in when u need it. If the weather’s nice feeling the heat on ur body n falling asleep in the sun is nice n also day trips out with the grandparents n friends n idk it’s just nice

Should you be doing something else instead of this? yeh I’m gonna go sleep in a min

Do you ever wonder what your life looks in someone else’s eyes? i do all the time n it stresses me tf out

Who was the last person of the opposite sex to text you? Nathan

Do you think you would make a good boyfriend/girlfriend? idk Nathan says I’m a good girlfriend but i definitely do not feel like one bc i moan all the time n give him loads of shit n i’m not as supportive as i could be n i don’t tell him i love him enough n idk that’s probs just my self hatred comin through xox

Whose bedroom were you in last? mine

Why do you feel the way you feel? idk bc hormones n social context innit

[manoharis]

A Year in Review: Telugu Movies!

You can’t pay me to watch these (aka watch me roast them in 10 words or less)

Dictator - a Bala Krishna movie without animals in the title!

Krishnashtami - wyd Sunil.

Terror - the title aptly describes my feelings about this movie.

Guntur Talkies - lets just not. more like gun-to-ur head after watching this.

Attack - this wins for having a director and actor that Idc about!

Edo Raakam Ado Raakam - edho raakamaina torture.

Thikka - ee cinema choosaka vacchedi adhe

Jaguar -  just when you’ve thought twood’s exhausted the possible feline comparisions

I really really dont care:  Savitri, Raja Cheyyi Vesthe, Abbayitho Ammayi, Killing Veerappan, Express Raja, Naruda Donoruda, Hyper, Speedunodu, Garam, Nayaki

Nenu Sailaja -I had a lot of expectations for this movie because it was said to be “fresh” but there was really nothing new here. I loved Ram’s look, some of the comedy and most of the songs. Worth a watch but nothing ground-breaking. 

Nannaku Prematho -  A for effort? I just couldn’t connect to the film because I felt like the emotion was kind of artificial and didn’t really pull me in. I couldn’t get behind a lot of the “logic” in this film. Also there disruptive bgm in every scene which made it really hard to focus on the film. 

Soggade Chinni Nayana - I feel like this movie was targeted towards middle aged aunties lol. I love Nagarjuna and Ramya Krishna but there were one too many scenes where I was hiding my face from embarrassment. On the plus side, all the sarees in the movie were gorgeous !

Lacchimdeviki O Lekkundi - messy because of all the back and forth plot twists. Horror comedy is literally my least favorite genre so I didn’t like this.

Seethamma Andalu Ramaya Sutralu - below average; I don’t have much to say about this. If I hadn’t watched it, this would belong in the ‘I really don’t care’ list.

Krishnagadi Veera Prema Gaadha - I think I was drowsy when watching this (not because of the movie) so I honestly don’t remember anything but the beginning portion which was really funny. I need to rewatch this.

Malupu - I always love a good thriller but it could’ve been better. Aadhi Pinnisetty’s voice tho !!

Kshanam - FAVE !!! This was so good! again always down for a good thriller. Super gripping and just the right pace. I loved how in this the love story was relevant to the script. It was very well written, acted, and taken as well in terms of technicalities. I can definitely see it getting awards next year.

Kalyana Vaibhogame - The first half was loud and messy which made me almost stop watching it. With a premise like this, the story is extremely predictable, as in you knew the lead pair would fall in love eventually, it was just a matter of when. I thought the second half was pretty cute though.

Shourya – I know this is biased of me but I can’t remember the last movie of the Manchu brothers that I’ve seen because the kind of movies they make are just so not my type. However, when this movie came out I did hear some positive talk for it on twitter. But then it wasn’t talked about at all after like a week? So I’m not exactly sure how successful it was. I may watch it eventually but I’m not dying to see it lol

Run- This was the remake of Neram by Sundeep Kishan (side note: I really like Sundeep, so I was annoyed that he was doing a remake). I didn’t hear much about this either after the first week so I don’t think it did that well. However, I do want to watch it because I’ve been trying to watch Neram since forever but I could never find it with subtitles so I guess this is my chance to watch it, but a lesser version ofc. Although one of the main reasons I wanted to watch was for Nivin and Nazriya so this doesn’t really do much more me lmao

Oopiri – I haven’t seen the original so I really liked this! S/o to Nagarjuna for realizing fairly quickly that its time for him to more age appropriate roles (take notes @ chiranjeevi). This is why the Akkineni’s are my fave! (my bias is showing so much in this post but do I really care). anyways, I loved the chemistry between Karthi and Nagarjuna cause lbr their bromance was the real love story in this. Shriya’s appearance made the childhood shipper in me super happy. Overall, an enjoyable film with some great performances. 

Sardaar Gabbar Singh – The amount of hype this movie had, jfc. Tbh I don’t have anything major against Pawan Kalyan. He’s just not one of my favorites, and ngl I liked him in the early 2000s phase (i.e. before Gabbar Singh which is when his fans went to piccha peaks). His fan base is literally one of the worst. I just think they’re super extra and very disrespectful, esp at audio launches. So yes, I was happy that it flopped because one it put the pk fans in their place who were hyping this to no end. Also he wrote the story and screenplay for this and reading some reviews about that gave me life lmao. If you want to hear something good about this movie, Kajal looks stunning in all her princess-y clothes and a few of the songs are pretty good. 

Sarrainodu – I actually haven’t seen this yet but I do want to. Here I go being biased again lol. If this starred anyone I didn’t care for, I would have no interest in this movie but because it’s the fave, Allu Arjun, I have to watch it. I like a lot of the video songs and the music actually grew on me when I was forced to listen to it A LOT in India over the summer. Also he looks hella good, I’m sold, bye. 

Supreme – Ok this movie was huge in India over the summer. Everyone loved it and ngl I used the phrase “its amazing zing zing” about a thousand times among my cousins without even having seen it. I tried watching it once I got back and it was just too much loud comedy for me to handle and I never finished it. 

Brahmotsavam – oh lord. TOO SOON. Jk, I’m over it. Easily the biggest disappointment of 2016 in terms of what was promised and what was delivered. I literally followed this movie since it was even rumored to be happening because Mahesh and Sreekanth Addala. Then Mickey J Meyer was brought on and then Samantha and I was just so hyped. I think the fact that I was dying to watch this in theaters and then I didn’t even want to watch it once it was online, says a lot. I was just really shocked that everyone, fans and non-fans alike panned it especially when it involved sooo many people. The second hand embarrassment is too real. But I did eventually watch it and what the actual hell. There was literally no story, no coherence, and way too many irrelevant characters. Mahesh has a pattern of delivering blockbusters after massive flops so here’s hoping the best for his next!

A…Aa: I have so many feelings about this movie. Trivikram is one of my most favorite directors/writers and has been for a long time. With Attarintiki Daredi, I was pretty disappointed that he went full on commercial and I thought he lost some of his touch. That changed a bit with Son of Satyamurthy (but I feel like a majority of the reason that I liked that movie is bc of Allu Arjun lol). But yeah anyway, A…Aa is still a very commercial movie, its not in any way niche. However, I think Trivikram finally struck the balance of substance and commerciality which made it an entertaining movie while also leaving you with something to think about. The story was actually very simple and something that’s definitely been done before, but the screenplay had Trivikram’s name all over it. It was apparent in every single dialogue. He also pulled out some spectacular performances that were subdued but well done. I remember Samantha saying in an interview that because this is Trivikram’s third movie with her, he knows when she’s reusing an expression which forced her to improve her performance. When the movie was announced, I was kind of disappointed that Nithiin was in it because he’s never been a favorite of mine but I fell in love with him after this. I think in a lot of his movies he tries to do the typical commercial hero act and its obvious that he borrows heavily from Pawan Kalyan’s style. But in this his characterization was very subdued and painted him as  a common guy which made him a lot more likable. It was also easier to ship the lead pair because the star aura tends to overshadow the chemistry but here I was really able to see the characters instead of the actors behind them. I just wished the story was more unique but otherwise a really good movie!

Okka Ammayi Thappa - Sundeep really needs to promote his movies more because they always seem to go under the radar. I was actually really excited for this because Sundeep & Nithya as the lead pair. I’m pretty sure its one of those movies that takes place in the span of a single day which I love bc if you can stretch a day into a full film, its gotta be one hell of a day. Not sure if this was a hit or not but I definitely want to check it out once its online.

Gentleman – (Spoiler Free). This was pretty good! A nice balance of romance and suspense. The story was intriguing and the performances were well done. I didn’t like the comedy though. The situational humor was fine but I hated the comedy track and I felt like it made the movie so much slower than it needed to be.

Oka Manasu - I was so hyped for this cause I love Naga Shourya and Niharika but apparently this was very slow and boring. I hope this doesn’t discourage Niharika from doing more movies because tollywood really needs some actual telugu actresses. (Side Note: Allu Arjun’s speech at this movie’s audio launch !! He basically called out the PK fans in a long 10 mins lecture and it gave me lifeee)

Pelli Choopulu - FAVE!!! Truly a new age rom com. I watched this in a theater in India and I loved it! The story was fresh, engaging, and hilarious. I loved how the characters were very realistic and reflective of actual youth and not hero-like at all. Also s/o for the strong female characterization !! You go Chitra! I think it did an amazing job of combining comedy, romance, social issues, and emotion into a very believable and enjoyable film. And not to forget the music which is so so good. Also, I’m gonna quote this movie in my grave. 

Manamantha - I looove movies that have multiple inter-related stories. The four characters and their respective stories were written well with each character tackling a unique situation. Overall, I liked it, but it definitely could have been better.

Srirasthu Subhamastu - I watched this in India and it was nice to see it on the big screen because the best part of this movie was the grandeur of production. Starring in a movie produced by your father clearly has its perks. I don’t really care about Allu Sirish but he’s still pretty new so to be fair he was pretty good in this. The story is very very routine and predictable but I remember liking the dialogues

Babu Bangaram - I don’t think this was a hit? But fiiinally, Venky in a movie that’s not a remake, which ofc didn’t last long cause his next is a remake smh. 

Janatha Garage - This movie was apparently the biggest hit of 2016 in terms of box office and imo its not deserving. The trailer for this movie made it seem really good but it was a disappointment in the end. The thing with Koratala Siva’s movies is that he always has a good social message but then commercializes it way too much. I understand what he’s trying to do but I wish he’d cut down on the violence and focus on the actual issue. This couldve been a really amazing movie about environmentalism but it turned into something really routine. Im also annoyed that a stellar cast of NTR, Mohanlal, Samantha, and Nithya was wasted on such a mediocre movie.

Jo Achyutananda - This was pretty good. As per the director’s style, it was very simple with life-like characters. The story was very interesting but I thought it was pretty anti-climactic and definitely could have been taken to another level. S/o for Nani’s cameo towards the end which sadly was the only male eye candy (sorrynotsorry).

Majnu -  Even though this is Nani’s movie and I usually have high expectations for his movies, I didn���t expect much from this. The movie didn’t offer anything spectacular. The plot started off pretty interesting but then went the routine rom- com path. It gets a fair share of laughs and the music is fabulous but otherwise underwhelming.

Abhinetri - I haven’t seen this yet and I don’t really care tbh but I’ll probably watch it eventually.

Mana Oori Ramayanam - This seems really interesting from the trailer. Definitely a niche film and I don’t think it did well commercially but I want to see it.

Premam - What do I say about this that won’t get me hate lmao. I haven’t seen this yet but it received pretty good reviews as well as commercial success. I don’t support remakes ofc but I know I’ll end up watching this eventually. I’m glad that Naga Chaitanya is back on track again ?

Saahasam Swasaga Saagipo - I really want to watch this because romance + thriller is my faaave. I don’t think this was that big of a hit but Im still excited to see it. The album is amazing and I assume the bgm will be as well. Also s/o for Naga Chaitanya’s look in this movie which is his best yet imo. Is it just me or has he become so much more attractive now that he’s unavaible lol.

Ekkadiki Pothavu Chinnavada - I haven’t seen this yet, but heard that it was really good! Seems like another Karthikeya-type movie? Who would’ve guessed that Nikhil would be most successful actor from the Happy Days gang (besides tamanna ofc).

Jayammbu Nishchayambu Raa - same as above ^, haven’t seen, heard it was good.Other than that, I’m glad a small film got acclaim.

Dhruva - How much credit can you give to a remake ? I haven’t seen this or the original but I know I’ll probably like it. 

Overall I think 2016 was a pretty good year for movies with many of the successes coming from small budget films which seems to be an increasing trend in Tollywood. The fact that Sardaar Gabbar Singh and Brahmotsavam were total box office disasters even though they starred arguably the two biggest stars in TFI shows that the majority of audiences crave content over star power which I’m all here for! 

[baekhoneyed]

tagged by @kokokysoo for one of those “get to know me” memes! (under the cut cuz its so long)

RULES: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people (idk how many people ill end up tagging and dont feel obligated!!)

THE LAST:

1. Drink: water but like i think my flatmates put vodka in the ice cube trays so?? not sure exactly how much is accidentally Not Water

2. Phone Call: uhhhhh a study abroad program advisor

3. Text Message: my older brother tryna convince me that i’ll make friends eventually lmao

4. Song you listened to: i actually stopped writing this to grab a sweater but then TT came on and i instinctively dance to it now so that happened

5. Time you cried: almost last night but like... not enough feelings to actually cry yet just wait

6. Dated someone twice: never even dated someone once, bro...

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: i never regret giving my dog kisses but sometimes my cat swipes at me :/

8. Been cheated on: gotta have a boyfriend first to get cheated on

9. Lost someone special: yup

10. Been depressed: only since i was 12 years old  l m f a o

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: i hate puking so i never go past being tipsy

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. red!

13. millennial pink fight me

14. rose gold fight me again

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: yyyes but i sure would like to make some more Here, at my Current University

16. Fallen out of love: mmm not Love but definitely Like? i stopped Liking someone who i had a crush on

17. Laughed until you cried: so frequently it’s worrisome

18. Found out someone was talking about you: um did u mean middle and high school? i was such a petty bitch tho i put em in their places after crying in my room alone lmfao

19. Met someone who changed you: yes yes yes! dallon is the first who comes to mind he’s... no words

20. Found out who your friends are: ummm i dont know?

21. Kissed someone on your facebook list: ...my mom??? lmao

GENERAL:

22. How many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them except a few who ive just added bc we’re all transfer students to the same university this year and im Desperate

23. Do you have any pets: yes!! 2 cats, Harry and Kai (shut up ok i’ve always liked that syllable in chinese) and one dog, Lady my perfect cuddle angel baby

24. Do you want to change your name: honestly... sometimes yeah? but only because it’s so boring when it’s translated into chinese/korean so maybe i’d just change my names in those languages idk

25. What did you do for your last birthday: probably just went out to dinner w/ my family, but when i got back to my old college my friends and i went to a store in Queens it was such a good day...

26. What time did you wake up: like... noon probably lmao #depression

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: rewatching exo next door and gettin emotional over ksoo

28. Name something you can not wait for: THE POWER OF MUSIC BITCH LESS THAN 12 HOURS NOW

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: a couple weeks ago when she and my dad helped me move in to my apartment

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i wish i didnt have fucking depression! anxiety is easy to deal with for me but depression isnt

31. What are you listening to right now: walk on memories

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: i have a 2nd cousin named Tom he’s like 50 years old

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: ......so much

34. Most visited website: netflix/facebook/tumblr

35. Mole/s: one on my back, one on my neck, one under my left boob... i think that’s it

36. Mark/s: mostly bruises on my shins bc im clumsy; also some shaving scars from like 3+ years ago (one of em bled for 4 days while i was in china!)

37. Childhood dream: typical american kid stuff like ballerina and movie star

38. Hair color: medium brown i guess? it used to be lighter but it’s been getting darker as i get older

39. Long or short hair: i just cut it short again so it’s just touching my shoulders when dry (it’s wavy-curly so it’s a bit longer than that in reality)

40. Do you have a crush on someone: yeah can i have uhhhhhhhh byun baekhyun? no one irl tho

41. What do you like about yourself: ive got a great complexion that has really calmed down in the past few years! and i love my eyes ive got gorgeous eyes and a nice smile and a cute body and ive been doin self-love the past year can u tell?

42. Piercings: just regular ear piercings that i only got... a year ago...

43. Blood type: i never remember but maybe O? whichever one is the most common i think idk tho

44. Nickname: lulu is a nickname, ummm ive had a few friends call me em or ems which is cute

45. Relationship status: chronically single and repulsive to the male population, perhaps?

46. Zodiac: sun in pisces/leo rising (fun fact when i was little a kid asked me my sign so i said pisces and he called me fish poop so i cried) (he was probably a gemini the fuckin asshole), year of the tiger

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favorite tv show: pushing daisies, 30 rock, scrubs, grey’s anatomy but only up til the 8th season then it’s bad

49. Tattoos: i actually almost got one a few weeks ago but then i lost my job :/ i wanted to get “je ne regrette rien” tattooed on my hip bone real small

50. Right or left handed: right - i used to be able to write pretty well with my left hand but alas...

51. Surgery: yyyup wisdom teeth removal, eyelid surgery to get rid of some bumpy things, broken arm when i was like 1.5 years old, and im getting lasik next summer probably

52. Piercing: ya already asked ya doofus

53. Sport: my dad made me play basketball in middle school i got 2 technical fouls bc i had anger issues so i stopped playing basketball. i got Decent at ballet tho!

54. Vacation: we havent really had the money lately

55. Pair of trainers: i just bought 2 new pairs bc i ruined my only pair in seoul and had to throw them out (they got soaked in the rain and then mildewed n all) (side note: they’re so expensive?? the adidas and nike were as expensive as the new balance which is Silly so i just bought adidas and nike)

MORE GENERAL:

56. Eating: nothing rn but i need to go get dinner...

57. Drinking: did we not already go over this

58. I’m about to go: either to the dining hall or to a nearby restaurant im honestly not sure 

59. Waiting for: exo to move in next door to me only to discover that one of them is my childhood best friend-slash-first love and another has fallen in love with me and my clumsy but lovable personality :)

60. Want: byun baekhyun (im kidding kind of, um i want to make friends here and be less anxious about my classes and life in general)

61. Get married: yeah one day but so far no one i’ve met is Vibing with that seeing as no one will even ask me out im not Super Hopeful :/

62. Career: chinese major/korean minor at a university um hopefully after i graduate someone will hire me and give me money to do something i dont completely hate but we’ll see

WHICH IS BETTER:

63. Hugs or kisses: i literally would not know so i will say Hugs because they’re the only things ive experienced! and i could use a really long hug rn

64. Lips or eyes: ...eyes... but lips r important too cuz i cant even look at a photo of amy schumer anymore w/out staring at her terrifying lips

65. Shorter or taller: taller but someone around my height would be ok too (.....im just sayin im like the same height as bbh...)

66. Older or younger: older bc im not about to go dating a freshman or a high schooler lmfao

67. Nice arms or nice stomach: arrrrrrrrms

68. Hookup or relationship: never had either but i think i’d prefer a stable relationship to some extent?? we just dont know

69. Troublemaker or hesitant: im a troublemaker when im comfortable w/ people/places but other than that hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER:

70. Kissed a stranger: no

71. Drank hard liquor: yeah it’s nasty :/ but it does the trick

72. Lost glasses/contact lenses: somehow no

73. Turned someone down: ya this one guy hit on me when i was walking thru myeongdong but he was a) a stranger b) 25 years old c) from egypt so like it was never gonna happen buddy

74: Sex on the first date: gonna need a first date before i can even answer (the answer would be no i am not down w/ that) 

75. Broken someone’s heart: probably not, ill dont think im capable of doing that plus im still so young that realistically it just hasnt been a possibility

76. Had your heart broken: not really, my silly crushes have all been resolved easily bc i never talk about them and then i notice things i dont like about the person and stop liking them like that

77. Been arrested: no but a friend of mine got arrested for trespassing on a roof in nyc last year lmao

78: Cried when someone died: yeah

79. Fallen for a friend: sort of? briefly? it never went anywhere it was silly

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

80. Yourself: i try to most days but it’s rough

81: Miracles: i mean im not a non-believer but i also don’t actively wait for them to happen or really put much stock in them

82. Love at first sight: im not sure because bbh hasnt seen me yet so how would we know??

83. Santa Claus: not anymore i think when i was 8 i sorta stopped

84. Kiss on the first date: never even had a first date or a first kiss ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

85. Angels: um yeah actually! proof they exist - byun baekhyun do kyungsoo kim jongdae kim jongin the list goes on,,

OTHER:

90. Current best friends: dallon, lilli, ida, stephanie, aria!

91: Eye color: light green. i have Gorgeous eyes!!!

92: Favorite movie: a taiwanese movie called Secret, i rly liked ksoo’s movie Hyung, Chicago the Musical... there are more but im drawing a blank

i guess ill tag... no one but if ur reading this and u wanna do it feel free to say i tagged u! i love learning about u guys it makes me feel less alone