#hope this is understandable and coherent

[spideyhexx]

hi :) just would like to say I really enjoy this space a lot but I’ve been feeling not so comfortable past weeks so this is a reiteration that I don’t think I should even post but I will for my own peace of mind.

am here to write and talk to you guys, but that does not include gossip or rumors regarding tom or any celeb we talk about here’s personal life. My blog isn’t the space for that, and I’ve made that clear a bunch of times that I’m uncomfortable talking about it and I’m uncomfortable receiving information that I didn’t ask for.

I don’t care what he’s doing, idk him or what’s going on and neither do you, I’m here for him and his career, as I would be for any celeb I might be into. so if you cross that boundary with me, I will block you.

[mayashesfly]

An interesting part of Stayed Gone and Hell's Greatest Dad is how these two duets visualize the different dynamics Alastor has between his two "rivals"

In this analysis I'm mostly going to focus on RadioStatic since they're the ones I'm brainrotting over, though there are a few things I've noticed about HGD that I wanted to point out in this post.

So if you're looking for a more RadioApple focused analysis, I'm afraid this isn't it due to my inherent bias. If you have any thoughts about Alastor, Lucifer, and their dynamic or anything in general about this post feel free to share your own thoughts and ideas! ^w^

First let's get to the starting portions of the song when Alastor is in the picture.

In Stayed Gone, we're first presented with the background of Vox's store front having an empty neighbor by its side. Until Alastor enters the picture.

Visually this already tells us that there's always been an empty spot by Vox's side that Alastor fills.

Interestingly enough, we also see them being visualized as cleanly slotting together in the song even if there's a definite line between the two of them that keeps them separated. (Which is also present with how their store fronts are also separated by a wall)

Meanwhile, in Hell's Greatest Dad, we're shown that Lucifer and Alastor starts off in the song by being physically beside each other.

Which Lucifer swiftly leaves behind to have his solo portions.

In Stayed Gone, when Alastor first entered the picture, Vox tried to push Alastor out. But kept failing as Alastor continues to keep himself in the picture.

Interestingly enough, regardless of how much Vox pushes and how much Alastor keeps himself in the picture, they're always shown together visually even when they're singing by themselves.

And the moments when they're are on the screen alone instead of together is shown to be very brief before Alastor enters the picture yet again.

Contrasting that to Hell's Greatest Dad, they spend alot of their singing portions being solo and alone on the screen. Making a point to push the other away before making their point with Charlie.

They don't really stay in the same screen together and beside each other for long.

If Stayed Gone started with Vox trying to push Alastor away before begrudgingly letting him stay on the screen with him.

Then in Hell's Greatest Dad, they started off as staying and singing their parts separately away from each other as much as possible.

Before they stayed with each other for a longer period of time and making them have their more heated instrument duet and the arguing at the end.

You could argue that the two songs are an inverse of each other in a weird sense.

Another thing I've noticed is how Vox and Lucifer were presented differently when it comes to being "below" Alastor.

For Vox, there's a very clear line that makes this sense of being below Alastor very apparent.

Meanwhile Alastor's attempt at making Lucifer seem below him isn't as apparent and clear cut as Vox's

(I find it so fucking funny and hilarious how Alastor gave Lucifer a thumbs down. He didn't even pull anything like I thought he did at first!)

That's all the things I can compare and contrast between Stayed Gone and Hell's Greatest Dad for now.

I have more thoughts about how Alastor and Vox's relationship is presented, but they're not as closely tied/limited to these two songs so I'll talk about that in another post :P

This post isn't meant to say that either RadioStatic or RadioApple is better than the other as that's not my intention at all with this post. I just wanted to give my personal observations about these two songs and their differences and similarities.

So if I accidently offended anyone, I sincerely apologize.

Since I'm a RadioStatic fan, I naturally talk about them more in a positive light, though I did try to keep my observations about RadioApple as neutral as possible since I'm not as confident with my observations about them.

I hope this was a good read regardless!

[aether-weather]

art block amys :]

[kyouka-supremacy]

In vol 13, at the end of chapter 52, Akutagawa says to Atsushi "...Hmph. Nothing special about that. I suppose he's far crueler than my own mentor."

If you don't mind, I'd like to know what is your take on its meaning

THANK YOU, I love this ask. I think that little line is so so meaningful, because it gives us additional insight on what Akutagawa and Dazai's relationship is like and on Akutagawa’s feelings towards Dazai. There’s so much nuance to it, because it makes Akutagawa aware. So often in fancontent Akutagawa is completely oblivious to Dazai's abuse, utterly blinded to Dazai's cruelness. But he's not!!! He's not!!! And it's suchhhh an eye-opener line about his character. Because, you know what? Akutagawa actually understands Dazai deeply. Way more than one would guess upon first impression. And the reason of that is because Akutagawa and Dazai are ultimately similar: they're both the “doing evil” to Atsushi and Chuuya's “doing good”¹.

Akutagawa comes close to understanding Dazai: I think during the time they spent together in the pm he got intimately acquainted with a side of Dazai no one else knows, for better or worse. I even think that since Dazai thought so lowly of Akutagawa, he didn't spare the same effort for putting masks on for him as much as he did with everyone else; as consequence, Akutagawa ended up seeing sides of Dazai that Dazai rarely revealed to other people. And I'm not talking exclusively about bad sides, but also vulnerable sides, fecets that overall he doesn't usually let emerge.

This mutual understanding - and isn't that a surprising sentence by its own! The understanding is mutual, doesn't go only in one direction, Akutagawa actually understands Dazai plenty – comes from a similarity between the two that, I've said many times before, is likely source to Dazai's otherwise unexplained cruelness towards Akutagawa. In Akutagawa's dark, bottomless, empty eyes, Dazai sees his own, and he utterly hates how Akutagawa embodies everything that's despicable in himself, the same emptiness, the same void. In the end, they both want to find a reason to live, while also being highly suicidal.

When I say “understands”; it's not about understanding what goes through Dazai's mind (that would be, for comparison, what Dostoyevsky gets closer to do); for Akutagawa it's a more instinctive understanding induced by their closeness, their similarity, their sharing the same sentiment of struggle in finding an explanation for the act of existing. The “can you give me a reason to live” from The Heartless Cur that counts for the both of them.

They're the same, and that's how Akutagawa can get Dazai, deeply. That line reveals exactly that! “Dazai is plenty cruel himself”. Akutagawa knows Dazai isn't a good man; but that's a separate thing from wanting his approval. It's not only this line; this understanding Dazai of Akutagawa is, I believe, reiterated consistently (if subtly) in the manga. It's in “You know [what mafia is like] better than anyone else” from chapter 4 and it's in “It'd take more than that to kill the man” from chapter 35 and it's in the way he talks about Dazai in chapter 51. It's in “There's no way you're dead. You are somewhere here in Yokohama. I just know it.” from the Entrance Exam light novel. When in Dead apple he says that Dazai joined the enemy, he's wrong; but if you ask me, that shows how Akutagawa understands the potential of the darkness within Dazai's soul better than Atsushi (but at the same time fails to see the possible goodness in him, because Port Mafia Dazai is what Akutagawa has ever known). I feel like all these moments are symptomatic of Akutagawa understanding Dazai on a level that's way deeper than others.

TL;DR: That line is so important to understand the depth of Dazai and Akutgawa's relationship because it shows how much Akutagawa gets Dazai, making of Akutagawa a much more cognizant character when it comes to Dazai than what one may think!

More on Akutagawa and Dazai's relationship: (1) (2) (3)

¹ Chuuya is the good half of the skk duo. It's just that whereas Atsushi does good in a more general sense, Chuuya's acting is mostly lead by willingness to do what's good for the Port Mafia. Still, both Atsushi and Chuuya act on way more altruistic basis than Akutagawa and Dazai do, am I wrong?

[disfrutalaisla]

It’s so wild to me that everyone from QSMP that went to twitchcon was determined that SOMEONE was getting married in Vegas and I’m so glad it was Forever tbh bc how was it insanely hilarious and yet kinda made me wanna cry

[civetcider]

My toxic masc trait is having a really hard time putting my emotions into words unless they are somewhat aggressive ones and i have been slowly trying to express my affection for people into words more but at the end of the day I'll always be somebody who expresses my love more with actions then anything else, and normally I wouldn't make a dumb ass tumblr post about my feel feels either cuz like who cares but I need to know if other masc and butches or like anybody else have experienced this too where, people just WONT GET IT? like I'll try to SHOW someone I love them in every physical way I know how and then they will be like "how was I supposed to know how you feel, you never said anything" crushing my heart into a million pieces, like a punch in the gut, i was trying to show you but i guess you just like didn't notice or my actions didn't mean as much to you as they do me, it's fine I'm fine

[solstrix]

Art Journey Log: What is Artmaxxing... and Why Does it Bother Me? (02/12/2024)

There's a specific type of art content creation I've noticed, especially on Youtube, that I've been wanting to talk about for a while. I'll admit though, even now I struggle with exactly what I want to say, and how... But I really want to try, it feels important that I get out what I've been thinking.

So this thing I've noticed is something I've been calling "artmaxxing", which I define as content centered on attempting to and explaining how one can get as "good" at art as fast as possible. Here's what makes this tricky: there is nothing actually WRONG with that type of content. Sometimes, often even, it can in fact be a very helpful form of video, and suggestions from these videos can, in fact, help you improve on an objective level. But...

(I will not be pointing at any examples, as I don't really want to draw negative attention towards these creators. Just know that they are very common on Youtube's art space, and you wouldn't have to look far to find one.)

(These contentmakers also tend to be the type of creator to make "critiquing/roasting your art" videos, which I also have severe issues with, but is not the subject of this current blog post. Perhaps another time...)

But here is where my issues start. The idea that the pursuit of improvement is not only necessary, but MANDATORY, I find, can be extremely harmful to the art mindset. "Soli, that seems, like, really counterintuitive," I hear you say. And you are correct! But here's the thing: unless your artistic goals begin and end with growth for growth's sake, you will end up standing in your way. And I'm gonna dare say that, for most people, the point of making art isn't inherently just to get better at it.

Most artists start making art for a purpose. Whether it's to make comics and tell stories, make characters, to externalise the visions you are plagued with, for fashion design, or just because you liked a piece of media so much that it inspired you to create something new based on it... There are endless reasons, and they are rarely Just For Arts's Sake, or Just For Growth's Sake. So the problem is when an artist holds themselves back, keeps themselves from creating the things they actually want to make, because they see themselves as not good enough yet. They want to wait until they are better, until they've improved,

The problem is that "better" is a constantly moving goalpost, and one which, simultaneously, you may never actually get closer to. Your own improvement is not always obvious, and there is always something more to learn.

Do the thing now. Do the art you actually want to make now. Pursue what inspires you, what makes you want to create. Improvement will follow, because every time you draw, you get better. If you're struggling on a part of a drawing, find reference, look for advice as to how to improve that one part, and remain specific. Remember that you can always come back to the same work, the same themes, iterate and improve on them, your piece doesn't have to be one and done. Do not let yourself get too general, or you will stand in your own way. Ignore the voices telling you you aren't good enough yet, that you NEED to work to improve.

Don't stand in your way, and don't listen to anyone telling you want you Should or Need to be learning and doing to improve.

You are good enough right now to start being the artist you want to be.

[autumn-b0nes]

Does anyone else ever have this vivid feeling of disconnection from nature? Like this sort of realization of how far you really are? I had one of those moments in an ikea store sitting on one of the couches and everything around me feeling so… artificial, and fake. I love comfy sweaters and electric water kettles and the entire concept of the internet but I would give anything to trade my humanity for a coat of fur, a running creek, and the songs of birds.

[orb-weaving]

I have not been so physically unwell about a ship as chronohaul in a long, long time.

[garvalhaminho]

and you should speak on izzy and jace being similar because i’m surprised they weren’t as close when they both are literally the same person

i didn't write my thoughts down when i thought this months ago so this was a struggle to put together but here they are !!

jace and isabelle both have the same attitude towards the world, and they undergo a similar arc.

when we meet jace, he doesn't have an identity of his own. he created an "unbothered" persona, very sarcastic, very rebellious, and very contrasting to how you'd imagine someone who grew up like him would act. he made himself his father's son (or, more so, was forced to become that), but he quickly loses that when michael wayland, his adoptive parents' friend, wasn't his father, but valentine, the genocidal cult-leader, and he is shunned for that. the world reminds him his father wasn't who he told jace he was, he is reminded his father was a psychopathic monster and he will grow up to become exactly like him. (he later meets sebastian. sebastian who was raised by the exact same person as jace, and turned to be just like their father.) later he falls for a girl, someone new, someone who has a different perspective on life, someone interesting and lovely, someone who he discovers, too late, is apparently his sister. but who falls in love with their own sister? a monster, obviously. the theory of him having demon blood only asserted that. as the story goes, jace is forced to destroy his own personality, his own identity, forced to mold and remold himself, specifically to fit what people think of his father(s). he doesn't belong here. why should he try?

the easiest way to see how this is represented throughout the series is through his name. jonathan christopher, then jace, a wayland, then a morgenstern, then a herondale, but the happiest part of his life (aka least traumatising environment) was spent as a lightwood.

isabelle lightwood too has an "unbothered" persona, when, in reality, she is none of that, and has never been. isabelle's environment growing up was nothing short of chaos, and she knew that was something she couldn't control. so, like any human being, she tries to control it anyway. she is 15yo and a known "serial-dater", purposefully. her parents are quite conservative, that will keep their attention on her and not her brother, alec, who is not straight and doesn't feel safe enough to explore his own identity. so isabelle doesn't explore her own identity. sure, she learns to enjoy this part of her life, but it didn't start out as that, did it? and her parents were always on the verge of a divorce, something she couldn't control either, but she can pretend. she tries with how her parents act, towards each other, towards alec, towards jace, towards max, towards isabelle herself. and, like jace, she was also trained to fight. she was given her first weapon and the tender age of ten. she was forced to look at the world with the eyes of a predator and a hunter of evil, like all other shadowhunter children. she was taught to police. she even attempts to control her own feelings. the people she dates, she can't let them get too close to her, lest she grow fond of them, as they will be gone from her life soon, she will make them. but she ends up falling for someone anyway, the first time she lets herself do so. but that person lost his memories, he won't remember isabelle, and how he was her first true love. she can't love anyone properly, can she?

and jace can't love anyone properly, can he? was he even taught to? was isabelle even taught to?

(this is relating to my post, if anyone is wondering)

[littleoddwriter]

Cooper Abbott x GN!Reader w/ BPD (Borderline PD) | Mini-Fic in Bullet Point Format

Hey there! I wrote this during the weekend when I was having a longer BPD episode and needed to vent and find comfort. Debated with myself on sharing it, but I also know from my previous BPD-centric writing that it helps others that find themselves in similar situations to mine, so, why not. This is focused around one BPD episode. General BPD!Reader headcanons with Cooper might follow at some point, though. notes/warnings; Gender Neutral!Reader; Reader has Borderline Personality Disorder; BPD Episode; Implied/Referenced Self-Harm & Suicidal Tendencies; Emotional Hurt/Comfort; Mentions of Murder(ous Intent) [because it's Cooper, so, duh].

Cooper Abbott Masterlist

You tell Cooper about your diagnosis as soon as you feel like you can trust him with the information. Over time, you’ve learned to be as open about it as you possibly could. That way you could weed out people that didn’t care or that believed in the stigma, and it was also helpful to set boundaries and explain your behaviour to the other person.

Most of the time - especially with the help of therapy - you try to manage your symptoms by yourself. You don’t want to burden anyone with your instability, and you certainly don’t want to risk being abandoned for being ‘too much’ again. But it doesn’t always work to keep it all away from the people closest to you, including Cooper.

He makes you feel safe, more than anyone ever has before him. He gives you the feeling of being seen and heard, and best of all, understood on some level. Not judged. 

When you move in together, it’s a lot more difficult for you to manage your symptoms by yourself, though. It’s hard to mask your feelings either way; but when Cooper is present, it’s like there’s no way to hide from him, for better or worse. 

One day, you have an episode, and you don’t know what to do because none of your recently learned healthy coping mechanisms are working, which only makes you feel worse.

Cooper tries to help. He keeps suggesting things for you to do, distractions, attempts to comfort you, and talks you through it. But it doesn’t help. It only agitates you more. Eventually, you snap at him. 

Regret and guilt tear you up on the inside as soon as your words leave your mouth. And you see the way Cooper falters. It’s rare for his own mask to slip around you. He looks almost murderous for a moment, like he’d want to smash your head into the wall. And it’s terrifying on one hand, but on the other, you wish he’d do exactly that and put you out of your misery.

You leave the room and he lets you, knowing that you’re not helping each other right now, but only making things worse. And once you’re alone, you lose yourself to the episode, after trying so hard to keep it inside and prevent the worst from happening. 

When you’re calm enough to face Cooper again to apologise to him for snapping, he’s gone. It almost drives you into another episode. But then you look at your phone and see that he sent you a message. An emergency at work. You don’t question it, but deep down, you have an odd feeling about the timing of it. Nonetheless, you decide to believe him, to cling onto his words that tell you that he’s going to come back to you, that he didn’t just abandon you over your outburst, and that he may not be as mad at you as he seemed at first.

You can’t get the look of his eyes from that moment out of your head, though. This murderous intent that gleamed at you. Those beautiful brown orbs that usually looked so gentle, suddenly devoid of any affection. Just cold daggers that were waiting to pierce you to death.

In the morning, after a restless night on your end, he returns home to you. He takes care of you, quietly and soothingly, not judging you for what you might have done during the worst of your episode. He lets his lips travel over each spot he knows you love to feel them most. The tenderness of his actions are a harsh contrast to the murder in his eyes the night before. Those same eyes that now look at you like you’re used to. Full of affection and care, and gentleness. 

Once you’re both sitting in silence, you apologise to Cooper, almost frantically. Still terrified that he’ll leave you, just like the rest. But he doesn’t. He accepts your apology and even apologises to you, as well. For having to leave all of a sudden when you were at your worst and needed him most, for not doing anything that helped you; not that it was his fault at all, but you appreciate the sentiment. 

Cooper finishes it with a new gift for you. A piece of jewellery he knew you’d love. He saw it on his way home, he claims, and just had to get it for you as a way to finalise his apology, but also to give you a new physical reminder of his love for you.

[kanouseis]

Kamen Rider Saber and Primitive Dragon

Ever since finishing Saber, I’ve thought a lot about the relationship between Touma and Primitive Dragon and how the corresponding mini-arc relates to both Saber as a whole and Touma himself. I've been wanting to write a proper post about it for some time, so now enjoy attempted curated thoughts!! Please keep in mind its mostly all just how I read/interpret certain things. Spoilers for the entire show ahead.

A lot of the second arc of Saber (or really, Saber past episode 13) sees Touma pushing aside all the grief and pain he feels: over Kento’s death but also all the people losing their loved ones to the Megid that he meets – this is especially emphasized in in episode 21. He’s shown extremely frustrated by his failure to help.

The same episode makes a point about how the way swordsmen deal with their burdens is carrying them on their swords and using the people they couldn't save/the knowledge that they cannot save everyone as (a source of) strength, so to speak. Touma saying he wants to save everyone and everything is a way of denying the reality they all face. 

He doesn't carry his burdens on his sword either, that's why it doesn't echo. During their fight in 21, both Daishinji and Ogami point out that Touma relies so much on his Ride Books that his sword does not echo. To me, this is also an allegory for Touma clinging to stories without facing reality. Stories are a popular source of escapism, after all, and Touma talks about how they're a source of hope and strength for him in episode 46 and Trio of Deep Sin. 

While Saber makes a big point about how stories are exactly this, yes, and how that is what makes them so valuable, the point here is balance. It's only after Touma faces how he truly feels, what he truly wants (to never see anyone make such a sad face again) and what is possible that his sword does end up echoing a little. The honesty and shift in objective is what lets him synchronize with Rekka and unlock its ability to separate people and Megid, as well as win Daishinji’s trust, as the first of the Sword of Logos members.

So Touma has taken steps towards facing his pain in a more upfront manner. And then Primitive Dragon comes into play.

Primitive Dragon forces Touma to externalize his emotions. in a very destructive way because that's what the dragon thinks is the only way. After all, as Master Logos says in episode 24, "because it cannot be understood, it shall continue to destroy". This power is too much for Touma. In a way, it's the spiritual opposite of how Touma was before episode 21. Full-on physical destructive power, when before it was the magical Wonder Ride Books alone. Reliying on nothing but yourself versus relying on stories written by someone else. The imbalance of power and control shows in both the way Primitive Dragon fights and the way the suit itself is designed, with a singular claw clutching the Brave Dragon Book forming most of the chestplate (which is also reflected in the design of the corresponding Ride Book).

It is my belief that Primitive Dragon sees in Touma someone that might understand him, and this is confirmed in the production notes for episode 27: "It was a sad story of a dragon who was left alone and wanted a companion even after death". In the same episode, Touma also mentions that “the boy was worried about me”. After all, Touma is also someone who is very lonely and experiencing a lot of loss, especially during this arc. This is why the dragon reaches his hand out to Touma in episode 26 – he (thinks he) understands, and so he wanted to befriend Touma. And I think that he also wants to help. The Primitive Dragon Book mainly appears to take over Touma when he's in a pinch/struggling/suffering. It’s the most clear in episode 26 itself, when Touma is faced with what Kento has become. When Touma meets the dragon boy after having just faced all of Kento’s despair, Touma is overcome with pain. It is so bad, so overwhelming that he's just kneeling on the ground, silently crying. When the boy reaches his hand out, Touma merely looks up at him, and then just hangs his head again, which leads to the boy turning away and leaving. 

Another interesting detail is the animation for whenever Touma henshins into Primitive Dragon. It shows the dragon's upper body appearing behind Touma and hugging him in a way that overtakes all of Touma – yet, it still is a hug.

Everything culminates, of course, in Touma’s decision to save the boy. He isn’t sure why at first, he doesn't know how – but he still tries.

This involves Touma reaching out towards the boy, no matter how many times he gets burned. When Touma asks if the dragon can tell him why he’s so sad, he reacts with anger and yells that a human couldn’t ever understand. This sentiment is one that he has deeply internalized, as per Master Logos’ words, and I think that after Touma “rejected” him in episode 26, Primitive Dragon has only grown more disillusioned. It is only after Touma fights through the flames and presses himself against the dragon (which looks pretty much like a hug) that the dragon stops. This time, when Touma asks him why he’s so sad, he listens and tells his tale. 

Touma’s response to the boy’s despair is to empathize and speak of hope. He continues the story of Primitive Dragon that was thought to have ended in sorrow and gives it a happy ending. He gives the boy all he’s wanted this entire time – friends. Touma makes the elements of nature his friends and it brings the boy’s smile back. This is why Elemental Dragon is named and themed the way it is – it’s the friend Touma has found for the boy. That’s what Elemental Dragon is. And Touma too, of course, becomes the boy’s friend. Them shaking hands leads to the creation of the Elemental Dragon Ride Book. Much like its predecessor Primitive Dragon, the hand element is very present in the suit and gadget design. This time, though, it’s two hands, holding each other, supporting each other – it’s all balanced.

But it’s not just Primitive Dragon that regains hope during this – Touma does, too, I think. As mentioned earlier, Touma also experiences a lot of loneliness during this arc. People he fought alongside before end up going against him and especially Kento positions himself against Touma too after his return, an event that is shown as soul-crushing for Touma. There is also the fact that Touma loses control whenever he is possessed by Primitive Dragon, giving him nightmares about possibly killing all of his friends. Even despite having rewon the trust of some at that point, that still isolates Touma, in a way. I think that it’s poignant that 27 is the episode after which Rintaro essentially makes up his mind to join Touma’s side. In the end, becoming Primitive Dragon’s friend is healing for Touma, too – friendship is not a one-sided thing, after all – and additionally, that starts to lead to him regaining another important bond as well.

The decision Touma makes here is not just important to this specific part and story within Saber, but to the show as a whole. It literally saves Touma’s life during episode 47. Episode 46 has a very dramatic, cynical ending, with Touma being tossed into a deep pit by Storious, a character epitomizing nihilism, even after all the fight Touma had put up, after his long speech about what stories mean to him. His heroic moment was interrupted, the figure of hope lost in the dark, the story over. But the next episode shows Touma being saved by the Primitive Dragon Ride Book, the boy saying the following:

It is truly only fitting that Touma is saved from despair by someone he’d saved from despair before himself (and this is not exactly the first time it has happened, either, think Kento’s appearance in episode 15) – if you look at their positions in the above image and compare it to similar shots from episode 27, this time the boy is on the right side instead of Touma, the side of the sun, the side that gives hope. And with the power of a story, a happy ending that Touma gave to Primitive Dragon himself. This is a preliminary to how Saber itself ends, with Touma writing the story of the world again, rewriting the future to have a happy ending, one where the world is saved and Touma can be with his friends.

Saber, at its very core, is about the value of hope. Pretty much every major antagonist (as well as Kento, his father and Primitive Dragon by extension) experiences great despair and comes to the conclusion that there's only a specific path for the world to take. That there is only one possible ending, and that it has to be accepted, even if it's full of despair. Another common denominator amongst those characters is that they act on their own and/or have no true bond with the people around them – and Saber is indeed themed around connection, as stated here. Against that stands Touma with his belief in hope and the changeability of the future. His catchphrase exemplifies that: “I’ll be the one to decide how this story ends.” That is not a statement of selfishness, but one that represents his refusal to give up. Touma also believes in the value of connection (which the promises stand for!) and friendship. Stories gave him all of these things, which is why they are precious to Touma no matter what. So it is beautiful to me that throughout the course of Saber, Touma both saves with the power of stories and is saved by them/the people he’s saved, all while holding onto his beliefs and the strength hope.

[mayashesfly]

I know touched on this before in this post and a few others

But it's truly fascinating to me how Alastor and Vox are visualizes as being beside each other instead of being against each other.

In my previous post I already pointed out that these two scenes portray the two as being beside each other but with a definite line between the two of them

And near the end of the song, this pattern still keeps itself until Alastor ended it (we'll touch on that)

An interesting thing at the start of Stayed Gone when Alastor entered the picture is that Alastor, oddly enough, kept his eyes closed at first.

Before he opened them to quite literally, poke fun at Vox

And even "pushed" his boundaries quite literally as Alastor moved the distinct line between them that keeps them separated.

This caused the line between them to quite literally be pushed around

And, while it can't be seen in this screenshot because it's been cropped down below, Alastor's cane has now quite literally crossed that line.

In both of these cases, they haven't actually physically looked at each other in the eyes since this was done through broadcasting instead of an actual physical confrontation together.

It's been merely visualized that way for us the audience.

Also, the distinct line between them is still in place.

However, this pushing around between them have caused that line to be breached as in the next scene briefly

And we see Alastor's eyes dilate.

The scene ends with Vox only being able to successfully reenter the picture/push Alastor away when he's shown to be below him before he surrounded Alastor.

This is interesting since it took Vox two tries of trying to cover up Alastor to successfully take his place.

While Alastor was easily able to reenter the picture all by himself without a struggle and Vox didn't even attempt to push him away anymore.

Note how yet again, Alastor has his eyes closed for the most part while Vox is the only one keeping his eyes open.

Interestingly enough, the line between them is back yet again, even if it moves slightly from the sound of Alastor's voice.

Moreover, the line itself is red now instead of it being a merely separation between red and blue. Showing that, alongside it responding to Alastor's voice, it seems like this line is under Alastor's control.

(I made a previous post before where I think some of the sequence of events that happened in Stayed Gone showcase that Alastor has somehow hijacked the speaker towers and got into Vox's office which is why he knows of Vox's unbroadcasted lines. I didn't notice this red line before but it seems to be a tie in/another possible evidence to that post. However, I won't elaborate on that even more in this post since it's getting quite long.)

All of these things and the way things were visualized makes the audience think that Alastor is more in control. After all, he rather effortlessly moved the line between them around and easily reenters the picture when Vox pushes him away. However, on Vox's side of things he only successfully reenters the picture when he's below Alastor and had to make two attempts so he could successfully cover up Alastor. And even then, Alastor reenters the scene yet again, now with the line between them being in his control.

I can't say for certain what all of this means (Sorry guys, the autism decided to overanalyze that entire scene)

However we'll finally get to the point that made me do write this post in the first place.

The idea that they're visualized as being beside each other even when there's a line between them instead of being visualized as against each other similarly to Alastor and Lucifer.

I already shown the other examples of this from Stayed Gone, so we'll move onto the other examples of this idea.

Canonically, this is the other instance of the two of them being visualized as being beside each other. In the actual photo, they're physically beside each other.

However, just like in Stayed Gone, there is now a line between them since the picture has been quite literally torn apart.

There has also been some speculation that the vacant seat on Rosie's left in the Overlord Meeting is Vox's.

Once again, while Vox and Alastor are beside each other, or well in this case on the same side instead of the opposite, there's a line between them with Rosie.

What exactly is the significance of Alastor and Vox being visualized on the same side instead of opposition? Well, I think this shows how the two of them had previously worked together and maybe even well together since they slotted perfectly together.

Obviously, this doesn't seem to be the case anymore but the visuals of them being beside each other is still there even when there is now a definite line that divides them.

The only times we see Alastor and Vox looking at each other at the opposite side instead of the same side is when there's a screen between them.

But even then it's not shown in the same way as Lucifer and Alastor's as we can only see their faces separately instead of being directly shown at the same time on screen.

This decision of not visualizing the two of them directly being on the opposite side compared to how we physically saw Alastor and Lucifer directly being in opposition is an interesting decision on the team's part.

Only time and Season 2 will tell if this decision to visualize Alastor and Vox as being beside each other with a definite line between them instead of in direct opposition will change or not alongside their current dynamic.

[curiositykilledtheradiostar]

Clive Bartholomew Schill girlbossed a little too close to the sun

[idiotsonlyevent]

ai coleman and transmasculinity: (don't) let rage consume you

now that i've reread dorohedoro, i can more clearly articulate my thoughts about ai as an allegory for transmasculinity (initially mentioned in the tags on this post).

i want to start off by saying this is not a post about looking for 'evidence' that ai is a trans man, nor is it a post focusing on what hayashida 'intended' to do with ai. while authorial intent is important, it is not the end-all be-all of literary analysis; allegories do not have to be intentional or 'perfect'. this post seeks to explain how reading ai as a trans man can enrich his character, regardless of intentionality or canonicity. with that out of the way, let's get started! (spoilers through the end of the manga under the cut.)

the thing that really solidified this reading for me was how ai talked about his life and why he wants to become a sorcerer. ai sees becoming a sorcerer as 'gaining power' or privilege, and he feels that the only way for him to do so is to change his physical body. he wants to become a sorcerer to become someone totally different, erasing his old identity; in his opinion, there is nothing for him in a life as a human, only a sorcerer's life is worth living.

ai's goal of 'becoming a sorcerer' is not just to change his body, it is to change his body and gain the abilities or 'privileges' that such a change entails - it is in part about external validation, especially from the sorcerers that oppress humans. this is a very straightforward way of depicting negative perceptions of transmasculine transition: the transmedicalist belief that medical transition is the only 'valid' way to be trans, the transphobic view that trans men are women 'gaming the system' to 'gain male privilege,' and the idea that 'erasing' one's past identity as a woman will award them male privilege unconditionally.

in reality, though, transition is powerful because it is an assertion of ownership of one's own body, and i think this dissonance is key. this is not something that ai recognizes as 'valid.' you could even say ai wants control over how he is perceived and he thinks becoming a sorcerer will give that to him.

so, ai compiles and develops the research for this surgery on his own, reflecting the ways trans people often have to advocate for themselves in medical contexts.

after kasukabe completes the surgery, ai survives! the recovery period is long and brutal, but ai seems to be completely fine. except . . . kasukabe later goes on to describe that ai was 'different' - he's presented as violent and unstable. this is reminiscent of how, especially after beginning medical transition, transmasculine people are often characterized as more dangerous, aggressive, or emotionless, even by the doctors that are supposed to care for them.

even after becoming a sorcerer, ai doesn't get the privilege he wanted. he's essentially clocked by other sorcerers, because he can't produce smoke, and then they kill him. he doesn't 'pass' as a sorcerer successfully.

in this reading, hole could be read as trans rage: at ostracization, at lack of acceptance, at the unjust hierarchies that plague society - especially capitalist society - at assigning value to and making assumptions about people based on aspects of their physical bodies that they have no control over and that are difficult to change. ai's body being puppeted by hole could represent both how masculinity is associated with violence, as well as the expectation that trans men need to be the 'protectors' of other queer people due to their supposed access to male privilege.

this is why caiman's acceptance of ai, aikawa, and kai is so important; it is an assertion of ownership over his body and identity, regardless of how others perceive him. he doesn't need to ignore or forget his fear and desperation or his rage. he was a scared kid, he was consumed with anger at the way the world treated him, and he can - and in fact he deserves to - live a happy life where he is loved and cared for.

caiman's eventual status as a sorcerer is conditionally granted to him by those who have that privilege, it comes at the cost of his 'true' face, and it will be lost. this mirrors how access to male privilege for trans people is also conditional, requires denying facets of one's identity, and is fragile - subject to being revoked at any time.

after defeating hole, caiman ends up right where ai started, but his circumstances are not identical. even if the physical location of hole is the same, it has changed. caiman kept his face, but now he knows who he is and that he doesn't need external validation of his worth and identity.

ai's story - caiman's story - is about coming of age in a society that systematically treats certain classes of people poorly and about struggling with and accepting one's identity. obviously these experiences are not exclusive to transgender people; however, the ways in which dorohedoro discusses and portrays the body and body modification in my opinion easily lends itself to trans readings, and i find this reading of ai's struggle to be particularly compelling.

[svtskneecaps]

yknow what with the strife building between forever and bad and the ripple effect that might have on the server at large i think now is the perfect time to fridge bad. go touch grass, mr boyhalo, it's time to see people either fall apart or come together without you. bc listen. listen. when the dms are bumpin with 'bad can you ___' every thirty seconds. sometimes you just gotta steal badboyhalo and see what the fuck happens. i just want to know.

and i also want bad to slEEP GODDAMNIT