#hope this helps to explain my actions even if this doesn’t excuse them xx

[steelycunt]

u really saying that s with his cocks out cowboys shirt not even once put his hair in a tarty little man bun. not once? normally you're spot on but idk idk

yes i am saying that sorry…i am not opposed to a scruffy little ponytail with framing strands falling out around his face but a man bun. even the phrase chills me he would never do that not when he has such pretty natural waves to show off. i think part of it is owing to the damage that wattpad has done really because as soon as i read him putting his hair into a ‘messy bun’ i get y/n my parents sold me to one direction vibes and i can’t help but cringe xx

[doreamu-san]

An analysis of SolKy

Hello! Thank you so much for clicking on this. A while ago, I was asked to do an essay explaining why people ship SolKy other than the whole rivals/opposites attract reason, and I got a lot of feedback stating it was useful for newcomers to the ship! As a result I’ve decided to post this on tumblr, but just on the ship’s tag as to not bother uninterested people.

A couple of disclaimers before I begin. This is firstly just my own opinion, so whilst it makes sense for me, other shippers may disagree with my points. I’m also not claiming they are canon because they are not. But I do hope it’ll give some insight into why some people like me enjoy them together.

Even once you’ve read this essay, you can still dislike SolKy. This isn’t an essay stating you have to ship them.

This will be extremely long as I basically cover every single interaction they’ve ever had with each other since I know some people sort of gloss over their dialogue, so grab yourself a drink, get comfy, and I hope you enjoy reading!

(Last edited: 09/05/2021. This will be updated again when Strive releases!)

How this all began

If we’re starting right at the beginning, it’s common knowledge that Ky and Sol weren’t exactly on great terms and often clashed most of the time due to their conflicting beliefs. Ky saw the world in terms of black and white, and had very strict rules on what constituted as right and wrong. Sol seemed to think differently and went against that, which was a stark contrast compared to the other Order members at the time.

Considering that they were in fact, in the middle of a war, you would think that generally people would be willing to put their differences aside and work together.

But Sol wasn’t like everyone else, going off and doing his own thing instead of actually listening to orders, so it’s understandable why Ky found him rather irritating.

However, Ky did grow curious of Sol. Obviously curiosity does not equate to love, but it is the basis of Ky wanting to become more friendly with and know more about Sol. There seemed to be something that Sol knew but Ky didn’t, but how was that possible..? As a result, despite how infuriating he could be, Ky sought to seek out the truth and so fought him for answers.

In regards to why exactly they fight (aside from the fact that this is a fighting game), Ishiwatari wrote something called ‘Hostility is Akin to Love’ right above a picture of them fighting:

Hostility is akin to love Thinking of your opponent’s actions to fight, Reading your opponent’s inner thoughts to fight, Planning attacks that will hit your opponent to fight, And then transmitting your thoughts with those attacks, The more you think of your own advantage, at the same time you think of your opponent, In the instant you mix with your opponent, a passionate feeling arises, and blood boils, Reality is hurt, and you wound your opponent, Hostility is akin to love. — Guilty Gear Isuka Mook

It states how fighting someone can be close to feelings of love because you have to think about what your opponent is doing, as well as how you’re going to respond to your opponent. Overtime, you start to memorise how your opponent thinks, and as a result you’ll know them on a deeper level.

So considering the above, this explains how even though they weren’t on friendly terms, they still formed a bond with one another.

Now we’ve established how exactly their relationship started, and why Ky was curious about Sol in the first place, let’s look at things from Sol’s perspective.

Sol’s attitude towards Ky

We know that Sol was also pretty annoyed by Ky, which was totally justifiable given the extreme way in which Ky thought the world worked. But Sol didn’t exactly dislike Ky.

In order to provide some evidence that Sol cares about Ky, let’s cover that infamous scene everyone likes to reference which shows Sol crying over Ky’s dead body:

Sol:     "I came to pick you up." Ky:      "Always coming late... you never could fix that..." Sol:     "You..." Ky:      "As to be expected... until the very end... I could never beat you..." Sol:     "Don't say anything!" Ky:      "I have... a request..." Sol:     "I said shut up!" Ky:      "After Commander Kliff... carry on... the Holy Order..." Sol:     "Stop it... that's your job!" Ky:      "Please... promise me..." Sol:     "Dammit..." Ky:      "If it's you... you can do..." Sol:     "Hey.... what's wrong. Hey! KYYYYYY!" — Guilty Gear XX Drama CD Side Red, Battle of Rome — Deathmatch

A lot of people bring this quote up when discussing SolKy and yes, it does show Sol cares about Ky considering how Sol never really cares about anyone in general, but the fact that Ky’s death managed to make him emotional shows what an impact Ky had on him. There are however more quotes that show Sol’s feelings.

There’s this scene in the GG Xtra manga, Ky and Sol get attacked by a mountain-sized gear. In order to save them, Sol rips off his limiter and Dragon Installs. This scene is very poignant when you take into consideration what Sol said in After Story A:

Sol:     "Back during the Crusades, before we met... Kliff told me this rumour about a prodigy swordsman." Sol:     "If you couldn't guess, that was you. I didn't give a shit at the time..." Sol:     "But then I saw you on the battlefield." Sol:     "I saw someone out there who surpassed all of my expectations. Or perhaps I should say 'something.'" Sol:     "No openings, no wasted movements, no carelessness, no hesitation, no embarrassment, not even any honor. No chivalry or mercy. A being unaffected by emotion." Sol:     "You were a killing machine. Taking down gears with brutal efficiency." Ky:      "...That was a long time ago." Sol:     "I'm not done talking. I've seen the face of the 'serious' Ky." Sol:     "Then one day, you challenged me." Sol:     "You wanna know what I thought right then?" Ky:      "..." Sol:     "I was afraid. Hell, I was scared shitless." Sol:     "'He figured out that I'm a Gear, and he's come to kill me.' That's what I thought." — Guilty Gear Xrd -REVELATOR-, After Story A

Sol admits that he knows just how scary Ky can be. Since Ky was extremely against Gears, if Ky found out that Sol was a Gear, then Ky would have most likely attempted to kill him. But Sol knew this and was willing to die for Ky’s sake, and transformed anyway:

Ky:      "Sol..." Ky:      (Really... that's really..) Ky:      (That's really you!?) Ky:      "SOL!" Sol:     "Shut it..." Sol:     "I didn't do it..." Sol:     "To help you out—...." — Guilty Gear Xtra, Chapter 5: Unspeakable Thoughts

Going off on a bit of a tangent from Sol’s feelings, but I just want to point out Ky’s state of mind at this point. Ky in this time period was still very anti-Gear, as it was only through this moment and his encounters with Solaria and Dizzy later that made him change his way of thinking. It took a long time for Ky to accept Gears, and he still had the remains of that mindset in him when he had Sin, as he refused to make eye contact with him because Ky was ashamed of having a Gear child. So the fact that Ky knew Sol was a Gear, believed all Gears were evil, but still decided to accept Sol into his life and wanted to support him regardless of that, is interesting.

Back to Sol, another small quote that manages to show Sol’s feelings towards Ky is this:

Sol:     (Maybe I'll finish them off while I'm at it...) Sol:     (But that would mean breaking my promise to Ky...) — Guilty Gear XX Accent Core Plus R, Sol Badguy Path 2

Now, Sol doesn’t care about 99% of what other people do as long as they don’t get in his way. The fact that he intends to keep his promise with Ky suggests that he holds Ky in somewhat ‘high’ regards compared to others.

There’s also this quote that shows Sol is thinking about Ky in Overture:

The frustrations of the man wielding a giant sword were piling day by day, and a familiar face appeared in his head. What’s he up to right now? “Hmph, whatever…” With a feeling of self-contempt, Sol Badguy shook his head. What am I getting sentimental for? — Guilty Gear 2: Overture, #0 “Noise”

And when Sol encounters Raven later on after seeing Ky incapacitated, Raven points out how he can tell Sol is upset, meaning Sol’s not really doing a good job of pretending he’s still indifferent to Ky.

Raven: "You're as ruthless as ever, huh, monster?" Sol:      "Look who's talking." Raven: "Can you not put down your sword and talk? I understand you're upset with Ky Kiske defeated." Sol:      "I'll ask your corpse for answers." — Guilty Gear 2: Overture, #5 "Gaze of the Chronicle"

Sol’s thoughts about Ky become even clearer during his confrontation with Sin when he’s under the influence of Valentine, where Sol defends Ky’s actions and tries to make Sin understand Ky is not 100% at fault:

Sin:     "Can you see it? Can you feel it? This is my real power. This is my mother's strength." Sol:     "But it's light. It must be from your father." Sin:     "Shut up! Don't ever mention him!" Sin:     "He abandoned my mother and me using justice as an excuse!" Sin:     "Who cares about the King!? Who cares about the people!? That man, and that Kingdom, not one of them can protect a damn thing!" Sol:     "I don't give a damn about your family." Sol:     "But you know what, Ky may be a stubborn idiot, but at least he's true to his beliefs." Sol:     "A punk like you is still alive thanks to his justice." — Guilty Gear 2: Overture, #15 "Roaring Compass"

Okay, that’s the pre-Xrd era for Sol done, now to focus on Ky’s pre-Xrd’s emotions.

Ky’s attitude towards Sol

We’ve established earlier that Ky was annoyed by Sol and disliked him in the Crusades. However, afterwards it seems as if Ky saw himself as friends with Sol:

Ofc1:   "All of them seem to have been destroyed by... fire?" Ofc2:  "Yeah... why could that be?" Ky:      "........" Ky:      "Change our course!" Ky:      "Head towards the Eastern United States!" Ofc1:   "May I ask why, Chief Ky?" Ky:      "To meet an old friend." — Guilty Gear Xtra, Chapter 4: Former Friends

We know that Ky outwardly expressed his first signs of liking Sol when Sol stole the Fuuenken and Ky chased after him, only for Sol to win in their duel, and Ky says this:

Ky:      "Promise me one thing..." Sol:     "..What?" Ky:      "We'll meet again." Sol:     "Hmph... Well, if fate brings us together..." Ky:      "..That's fine." — Guilty Gear XX Accent Core Plus R, Sol Badguy Path 1

It’s pretty interesting that Ky wanted to see Sol again despite how Sol never used to listen to his orders, and how Sol never even tried to act like what the Order expected their men to act like (chivalrous, putting the people first, etc). It at least shows us that Ky saw possibly the potential of becoming friends with Sol. And Sol didn’t even say straight up ‘no’ or ‘in your dreams’ or whatever Badguy-esque notion he usually would’ve done, so we can assume he doesn’t mind seeing Ky again either.

Then they don’t speak to each other properly for 5 years until the tournament that Testament holds, though they have probably ran into each other a few times within those years.

A common misconception people have is that during those 5 years, Ky was obsessed with Sol and would constantly try to find him. Obviously, this is not true. Ky was busy with IPF stuff and Sol was hunting Gears down.

However, it’s not as if Ky completely forgot about Sol — he was just probably at the back of his mind, and Ky does admit that he has been chasing after Sol the most more than anyone else:

Ky:      (Waiting outside for me when I left the ship... burning red flames. Soon, they seem to take the shape of a man... and he appears before me. Yes... it's him. The one I've been after the most... it's him.) — Guilty Gear X Drama CD, Vol. 1: Track Seven — Crater

There’s also these two other quotes:

Ky:      (Sol...) Ky:      (Why are you so stubborn about doing things alone?) — Guilty Gear Xtra, Chapter 5: Unspeakable Thoughts

You can interpret this in two ways: either Ky wants to help Sol out and/or he’s curious as to why Sol always does stuff alone.

And then there’s this:

Ky:      "Maintaining peace, law, and order. That is my duty." Sol:     "Whatever..." Ky:      "You and I, we are cut from the same cloth." Ky:      "How long are you going to keep that facade?" Sol:     "..." Ky:      "Answer me Sol!" — Guilty Gear Judgment, Sol and Ky Ending

Being ‘cut from the same cloth’ is quite a strong statement. The phrase means that Ky thought he and Sol were similar somehow, and that he shared something with Sol. Regardless, the ‘how long are you going to keep that facade’ at least shows that Ky knows Sol is intentionally acting distant/rough/etc. and that its not actually who he is.

Jumping to pre-Overture, just before Ky gives Sin to Sol, Ky is in a really depressive state due to all of the stress he’s been going through. This leads Dizzy to contact Sol. The fact that Sol is called means that Dizzy knows that Sol is possibly the only person who can help Ky at that point, which puts some emphasis on just how much Sol means to Ky or at least affects him.

Before I move onto Xrd, there’s this part where Ky gives his son to Sol. This proves he trusts Sol so much considering he was asking him to take care of Sin for a long period of time.

Ky:      “Sol....I want to request something...” Sol:     “...hnn?” Ky:      “My son....Sin..can you take care of him for a while?” Sol:     “...what did you say?” Ky:      “I know it’s unreasonable but...I still want to ask...” — GG2: Overture Story, Sol's Story

The Xrd era (because it is so long, it needs its own section)

The Xrd era is extremely interesting to me, because Sol and Ky have some more in-depth conversations, and boy, do they have a lot of conversations.

Focusing on Sol first, theres a scene in REV where Sol asks Ky why he isn’t interested in his past:

Sol:     "Why don't you ask me already?" Ky:      "Ask you what?" Sol:     "About my past." Ky:      "I can ask you?" Sol:     "I guarantee, it won't be interesting." Sol:     "Every other word that came out of your mouth was 'Duel me,' or 'I challenge you!' You were so eager to fight and..." Ky:      "........" — Guilty Gear Xrd -REVELATOR-, Story Mode: Chapter 03, Sense A

Given that Ky was constantly pestering Sol about his background in the past, it makes sense why Sol is suddenly a bit confused about Ky’s sudden change in behaviour. But it also shows that Sol wants Ky to know about his past. After ~170+ years of being alive, Sol wants to finally open up to someone again, and he specifically chose Ky for this. It shows in the very least Sol trusts Ky and knows him well enough to decide to let him know about who he used to be.

And then Ky says this, which is basically him just showing Sol how much he cares and understands him:

Ky:      "Sol. Of course I have an interest in your past." Ky:      "But wanting to understand someone and trying to understand everything is completely different." Ky:      "Right now, Sol Badguy's future matters much more to me, than Frederick's past." — Guilty Gear Xrd -REVELATOR-, Story Mode: Chapter 03, Sense A

There’s also this scene in SIGN:

Ky:      "I don't know your history." Ky:      "I don't know if you had friends once, or if you fell in love, or why you burn with such hatred for That Man and the Gears..." Ky:      "I don't even know your real name." Sol:     "..." Ky:      "But I do know a great deal about a man named Sol Badguy." Ky:      "Blinded by vengeance, he lost sight of himself, and now he runs from the truth that frightens him." Sol:     "...Say that again." Ky:      "Tomorrow always comes, Sol." Sol:     "..!" Ky:      "If tomorrow promises to be cold and dark, I cannot stand idly by... even if I know my efforts will come to nothing." Sol:     "... The self-righteous apple doesn't fall far from the tree." Ky:      "I don't expect the world to change tomorrow, but I do hope that, today, perhaps my words will reach you." Ky:      "Sol..." Ky:      "I'll be waiting for you. We'll all be waiting for you. Sin, Dizzy..." Ky:      "Once all this is over... come home." — Guilty Gear Xrd -SIGN-, Story Mode: Chapter 04, Kaleidoscope B

Three things to take away from this:

Ky admits that he doesn’t know anything about Sol’s background, but that he knows a lot about the current Sol, and then goes on to explain how Sol acts. Which to expand on, means that although Ky used to care about Sol’s past, he doesn’t really mind about it anymore because Sol’s past won’t really change much who Sol is to Ky now. Also, the part where Ky explains how Sol was ‘blinded by vengeance,’etc. shows that Ky knows Sol’s current personality well enough in order to be able to distinguish his behaviours. Which is interesting because nobody has been around Sol long enough to be able to know him really well unlike Ky (Aria and Asuka count too, but they were around Sol when he was Frederick, and Sol seems pretty adamant on the idea that he’s a separate person from Frederick.)

‘Come home’ is pretty significant, as it implies that it’s almost like Ky is saying home is with Sin, Dizzy and the Valentines, and so when Sol is done getting revenge on That Man, instead of letting Sol just wander off alone, Ky wants Sol to be a family with them.

The fact that says Ky says ‘I’ll be waiting for you’ separate from ‘we’ll all be waiting for you’ implies that either Ky’s want to wait for Sol is somehow different from everyone else’s or it’s just for the sake of being dramatic. I interpreted this in both ways, as it seems like Ky knows that Sol treats him differently compared to others. So in a sense, by Ky emphasising that he’ll be waiting for Sol, it might make Sol more likely to ‘come home’.

There’s also a scene that shows Ky knows Sol’s personality well:

Ky:      "When I look at you, Sol, I see a man who is afraid." Sol:     "... What?" Ky:      "It became clear when I watched you caring for Sin." Ky:      "You work very hard to keep everyone at arm's length." Sol:     "..." Sol:     "I got Gear blood in my veins, and it ain't friendly. It's always there in the back of my head, whispering that I oughta just destroy all of this." Sol:     "The only way I'm gonna get some closure is tracking down That Man and beating some answers out of him." Sol:     "And if he doesn't have 'em..." Sol:     "Then maybe there really isn't a good way to live." Ky:      "That's why you close your heart off." — Guilty Gear Xrd -SIGN-, Story Mode: Chapter 08, Hope A

There’s also this:

Ky:      "Not all people have the strength to stand on their own." Sol:     "..." Ky:      "If only life were simple, and the right path was laid out before each of us..." Ky:      "But even then some would leave it, and some would struggle with walking it. Such is human nature..." Ky:      "The truth is that no path will ever be 'right' for all people. Each of us must find the one we are meant to walk--and sometimes that is where none exists." Ky:      "That is what I learned from you." — Guilty Gear Xrd -SIGN-, Story Mode: Chapter 08, Hope A

This just shows that Ky actually learnt something from Sol. Which I think is important because Ky is someone who always used to be very strict to his ideals. The fact that he learnt something from Sol that had an impact on his mindset means that Sol actually managed to have a great impact on Ky.

There’s this scene where Sol finds out that Aria isn’t dead when he confronts That Man, and he has somewhat of a mini mental breakdown. So Ky excuses them from the room, and goes outside to talk with Sol:

Ky:      "Sol. The grudge you hold is certainly not something that can be taken lightly. And, whatever answer you think you've found, I doubt any of us will be able to stop you from seeing it through..." Ky:      "But we have very little time left. Right now, we need the Gear Maker's help." Ky:      "So, I'm begging you... Just for now. Why don't you stay outside with me." — Guilty Gear Xrd -REVELATOR-, Story Mode: Chapter 06, Cause A

The last line that Ky says is interesting because it’s obvious that he’s just trying to calm Sol down, and Ky thinks that if he stays with Sol outside for a bit, he’ll be able to help him calm down. Furthermore, Ky thought it was more necessary to pause everything and help Sol out rather than keep listening to the plans of what their next course of action would be.

Ky does have the habit of comforting Sol. One of the more significant moments is whenever Sol refers to himself as a monster:

Ky:      "Yes, he took away some of what makes you human, but that doesn't mean he altered your mind or your soul." Sol:     "So what?" Ky:      "I want to believe that you'll fight for the people of this world." Sol:     "Are we seriously having this conversation?" Sol:     "Look, kid. I'm a monster. I'm here to do two things: Destroy That Man, and kill all the other Gears." — Guilty Gear Xrd -SIGN-, Story Mode: Chapter 04, Kaleidoscope B

To expand a little on Sol’s mindset, it’s common knowledge that Gears were generally in the past regarded as akin to monsters. Now we don’t have any solid proof Sol is referring to himself as a monster because he’s a Gear, or because he feels guilt about the whole Gear Project, etc. But we do know it’s something he’s affected by given that he constantly refers to himself as one.

So the fact that Ky constantly reassures him that he’s not one, and that Ky didn’t treat him differently after finding out he was a Gear, must be comforting to know.

Then at the end of REV, there’s the scene where Daryl is about to shoot Sol, because he (quite rightly) doesn’t trust the fate of the world to be left to Sol. And so, the kids get beamed up, but Ky asks to be left behind:

Ky:      "But, if you plan on targeting Sol, then you must leave me behind, as well." Daryl: "What!?" Zappa:"60 seconds until impact..!" Sol:     "What the hell are you doing?! Stay with Sin!" Ky:      "I am well aware that this is a one in a million chance..." Ky:      "But, if I survive at the expense of my dear friend, then there is little reason left for my ruling this world as king." — Guilty Gear Xrd -REVELATOR-, Story Mode: Final Chapter, Fireworks

This was a really odd moment because Ky’s life was never in danger at that moment. If he had been sent on board Daryl’s ship as originally planned, he would have been safe. But Ky intentionally chose to risk his life, and its kind of startling because Ky has always put his people above everything. There were times when he put the people above his own family, like when he kept his family a secret instead of coming out with the truth about them in order to remain as King to protect his people.

So Ky suddenly going ‘I would rather die with Sol than take care of my people’ is really extreme. Also Ky was willing to leave his family behind, which is even more extreme. So this just really proves how highly Ky regards Sol considering how he would rather die with him than live without him.

Some concluding notes

I think Sol and Ky’s personalities do work really well. Perhaps not in the Crusade era, but if we take a look at the Xrd era, they have shown to get along and have deep conversations with one another that they both enjoy. They know each other extremely well; they know how to support one another when life gets a bit too much and they’re also capable of telling one another when the other is wrong.

Sol teaches Ky that life isn’t as simple as it seems, and that (figuratively speaking) he shouldn’t stick exactly to the textbook. He’s able to see under that perfect image Ky puts up about him being able to cope with everything, acting as a source of stability when you consider how Sol has been the only person who’s been around Ky since the very beginning.

Throughout all of Ky’s life, he’s been under so much pressure. From being Commander in the Crusades, to becoming the Head of the International Police Force, to becoming King. In every situation, people are constantly relying on him, and his environment is changing rapidly. But despite everything, Sol has always remained the same. He looks the same, acts the same, etc. Ky can rely on Sol and trust Sol. He’s like a source of stability for Ky in those hectic times.

And Ky provides something similar to Sol too, given how often he ran into Sol time and time again. When you’ve been alive for so long, it’d feel reassuring in the very least to see a familiar face. And Sol does seem to get less annoyed each time they meet each other again, considering like how in Overture he voluntarily went to go see Ky after seeing himself on a wanted poster.

Ky also gives Sol the chance to open up to people again and form connections with them, something that Sol has been reluctant to do. Sol needs someone to care about him, and Ky proves that by constantly reassuring him and never giving up on trying to help Sol, even though he kept getting pushed away.

They may not be canon but I really do love how they work together. Yes it’s true some people may like them because they are ‘rivals’and seeing rivals get together and bicker is great, but actually I think when people focus more on how much they support and rely on each other, as well as the fact that they do get along, them being in a relationship is more convincing.

Whilst this essay focused on their canon interactions, there’s plenty of other great material out there. For instance, the Guilty Gear 4KomaKINGS manga provides plenty of great SolKy interactions (like the time Ky wanted to have a friendship diary with Sol, only to get rejected and start crying about it. Of course, take these interactions with a pinch of skepticism considering the frivolity of the source material.)

And that, was my very long SolKy essay. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading! Though you may not have agreed with everything I have said, you still continued reading, and I am grateful for that. Thank you for showing such enthusiasm and loving this franchise.

[its-jijii]

dazai and mori

henlo im still dying a bit so im sorry i haven’t been on to post much :< but tonight on this episode of “i cant stop thinking abt this so im gonna write” im gonna talk abt dazai and mori’s relationship. 

i have a feeling that my opinion will be heavily disagreed with, but it is my speculation based on reading bsd. i currently don’t have the time or energy to get evidence to back up my claims, so i apologize in advance for that ;; i will reblog later with screenshots & quotes. but for now, i hope u enjoy!

to begin, i want to state that i don’t believe there was any abuse between mori and dazai. i agree that there was a power difference, age difference, and manipulation, but in terms of emotional and physical abuse- no, i don’t think so.

a common argument i see floating around is one of “dazai was abused by mori, so it’s not wrong if he abuses xx! that’s just how he was raised!” which is a lousy excuse. his past doesn’t excuse his actions, especially as he is now a full grown adult and should know better?? the fact that he continues to abuse others is proof enough that he hasn’t improved as much as i’d like to think.

we have no proof of dazai being physically abused. we were never shown it, it’s clear that the bandages dazai wears are not a result of abuse- he gets injured in battles, and though we don’t know what’s under his bandages, he’s had them since before he met mori. it’s unlikely that there’s any kind of physical abuse hidden under his bandages in that case. 

dazai can feel fear and will openly express it in certain situations- but none of those situations include being around mori. if he were physically abused by mori since he was a teenager, he would have noticeable reactions being nearby; nervousness, avoidance, any flinch or indication of fear if mori moved toward him. 

but dazai doesn’t show any signs of those, and while he is good at hiding his reactions, i do believe that trauma and abuse leaves a different impact. four years between his days in the mafia is unlikely enough time to recover from trauma and being able to completely erase his reactions to mori being nearby.

his lack of reaction and apparent calmness when face to face with mori is an indicator that there wasn’t severe abuse that impacts him to present day. i can testify that it is very difficult to stay calm when having to interact with your abuser, and dazai’s apathy to being near mori just seems like he wasn’t affected. he expressed distaste for mori, yes, and slightly indicated that mori made him read tactician books. but reading books or playing chess isn’t physical or mental abuse- that’s teaching a teenager how to plot and predict enemy moves.

well, if there wasn’t physical abuse, emotional/mental abuse is still on the table, right? i would say yes if it weren’t for a few key facts about dazai joining the mafia and how he acted back then. another popular argument is “mori killed the old boss in front of him, that had to be traumatizing!” yeah, usually someone getting killed in front of you is traumatizing- but the circumstances are what made me question exactly how involved dazai was.

again, we do not know what dazai’s life was like before he joined the mafia, but we do know that he was still suicidal, eccentric, and intelligent. forgive me if i’m mistaken about this, but mori picked dazai up after a suicide attempt- but it was never explained or implied to be by force. at least to me it seemed like dazai willingly joined mori and his plan to kill the boss. dazai was in on it and knew what was happening, and agreed to help. it’s not like mori suddenly killed someone in front of him and then told him to join him.

now, one indication of dazai not finding that moment to be traumatizing was again, his lack of reaction. i’ve heard the argument that he was dissociating, but i do not think that dissociation would completely block out a murder in front of you. it would still register that someone died and you’d react. his absolute lack of reaction to me seems like he was used to it. it wasn’t scary or horrifying to him because he’d seen it before.

another reason i think he was used to this was when he teamed up with chuuya for that first time. when he shot that one soldier to put him out of his misery, he kept shooting. an innocent kid wouldn’t do that, and that reaction wasn’t the result of trauma (at least from mori). for him to act like that so early on in his mafia days says something about his upbringing; it likely wasn’t very good, and he was obviously used to death. recent trauma from mori would have taken longer to affect him, but these actions seem like the result of trauma caused earlier in his life.

when it comes to oda’s death, i will agree that mori was manipulating dazai and oda and lots of things honestly. but that point in itself says something about mori, not specifically dazai- mori is a manipulative person and manipulates everyone. dazai may blame mori for oda’s death, but but that one incident wasn’t a sign of abuse or trauma. abuse and trauma are repeated actions over a longer period of time, not just a few moments here and there where mori acted shitty. 

okay sorry this is a messy ramble with no direction 😽 hopefully ill return to this soon with more to add and evidence. but yeah thats my personal beliefs on this topic that i’ve had for a longass time, but never seen anyone talk abt? so i decided to talk abt it. i hope u enjoyed somewhat even if u dont agree <3

[honeymoonjin]

Chapter Five

Summary: When you hear that your recently deceased grandmother left you her property in her will, at first you think that a dinky old cottage in the middle of nowhere isn’t going to mean much for you. But after spending a night there, you discover something far more valuable than the house itself: a hidden door that leads to another time, the same place but over 200 years in the past. In the late 18th Century, there is a king who will die before his 21st birthday unless you can save him. Will you help him, even if it means leaving your own life behind?

A/N: did MC really think it was going to be that easy? her job isn’t over yet... Also, this chapter we meet Taehyung! You guys are gonna love him, Sov!Tae is my favorite Tae yet xx

When you awake, it’s the middle of the night. You can feel the warmth and pressure of Jimin lying beside you, snoring away quietly. You sit up, deftly detaching your limbs from his, and squint as you look for the red bars of the alarm clock somewhere in the darkness.

When you find it around where Jimin’s bedside table is, your eyes widen. Instead of numbers for the time, your name is spelt out in boxy lines, glowing ominously red in the night. You rub your eyes and look again, but it says the same.

“Y/n.” You jump, and whirl around, looking to the other side of the room. There’s a small light, a flame flickering. What’s odd is that rather than it coming from a lamp or a match, it licks at the tips of somebody’s hand. A hand covered in familiar rings of bone and wood.

“Yoongi?” you whisper incredulously. “How did you get to the future?”

He scoffs, the sound awfully loud in the oppressive silence of Jimin’s bedroom. “I’m not in the future, you fool. You’re dreaming.”

You gape at him, or rather, where you imagine his face to be. “You can enter people’s dreams? I’m not even in the same time as you!”

The flame moves closer to him and grows in size, lighting up the corner of the room he stands in. His face glows orange in front of the flame just like it did when you first met him. A reflective glare dances across his eyes as he stares down at you with a placid smile. “You really shouldn’t drink whatever someone gives you, Y/n. Who knows what I could’ve put in it?”

“Hey!” you hiss, still wary of waking Jimin up, even if this Jimin is a figment of your imagination. “That’s not fair! Get out of my dream, loser!”

He sighs and sits down on the side of the bed, pinning your legs down as he does. “Y/n, His Royal Highness was not happy when he sent one of his men to my house to collect you and you weren’t there. I had to tell him you were feeling indisposed. I do hate having to lie to authority, Y/n, and next time I won’t be so considerate. Like it or not, you now have obligations and responsibility in my time, and I expect you to honor them.”

You huff and wriggle your legs underneath his ass in complaint. “You said I had to save the King from dying today, and I did. As far as I’m concerned, I’m done with that place. I don’t want to fuck things up. What if I accidentally say or do the wrong thing and I return to 2019 and everything’s on fire? Besides, I have a life here, you know?”

He sighs again, slow and dramatic, and leans closer to you, near enough that the flame in his hand begins to warm the skin of your face. “You didn’t save him. Well, not completely. He’s sick, Y/n. The wound is leaking some strange yellow fluid and he’s been running a fever for hours now.”

You groan, flopping back against the pillows. “The wound got infected? Didn’t I tell that doctor dude to disinfect it? He should’ve let me stay.”

“Seokjin doesn’t know what to do,” Yoongi explains, “he washed the wound with water and wrapped it, but still it isn’t healing. We need you to come back and fix this.”

You rub your eyes, and glance down at Jimin’s sleeping form. He’s wrapped himself back around you, clutching at the fabric of your pajama top. “Fine, let’s go. I’ll write Jimin a note. If my boyfriend gets sick of me and we break up, it’s your fault!”

He tuts at you. “Y/n, this is a dream. You can’t go anywhere. When you wake up, return to us hastily. I’ll take you back to the palace; King Jeon is already bedridden.”

You bite your lip and nod. “Can I…bring stuff through? If I’m going to do this right, I’ll need proper medication. I can put it in a glass container so that it doesn’t look like it’s from the future.”

“Of course, you can take stuff through the passage. If you couldn’t, you would’ve arrived naked, no?”

“Touché. Okay, go away, I’m going back to sleep. And stay out of my dreams!”

Yoongi sighs once more, but once the flame in his hands is extinguished, the pressure on your legs disappears and you feel yourself becoming drowsy rapidly, falling back into unconsciousness.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?”

You sigh in relief when you hear Namjoon’s voice on the other end of the line. “Thank god you picked up, I have another research emergency.” You listen to his hearty chuckle, completely confounded as to how he can be so awake at barely five a.m. You swear that guy never sleeps. “I was going to come down there, but I’m a little pressed for time and I was hoping you’d know. King Jeon, 1743. Does he still die that year?”

“What do you mean, still? I told you the other day; King Jeon dies of a fatal infection. Did you forget already?”

You pause, half-dressed as you quietly hop around Jimin’s room, not wanting to wake him. “What? You told me he was stabbed and bled to death.”

Namjoon sniggers. “Oh my god, scatterbrain, you seriously did forget? No, he got stabbed in his royal court, but the wound developed an infection, I’m almost certain.”

You sigh, fumbling one-handed with your jeans zip. “Could you maybe check for me?”

Namjoon clicks his tongue. “Your lack of faith is hurtful, Y/n. Give me two minutes, tops.” The noise on the other end drops out, and you take the chance to track down some notepad paper on Jimin’s desk and write him an apology note. Fuck King Jeon and his fickle mortality, at this rate your boyfriend would get sick of your excuses by the month’s end. You slip out the door and down the hallway. Hopefully this time would be the last time. “Y/n, you there? Good, okay, I was right. There’s an old scrap of a newspaper here; says that he met with a witch and a shaman and died of a wound infection within a day or so. The village people got furious and beheaded the shaman. Couldn’t find the witch, though. That’s random; I don’t remember reading about that part. Interesting stuff, huh? People sure were barbarians back in those days.”

You quickly say your thanks and goodbyes and hang up, not wanting Namjoon to hear the thick wobble in your voice. If you don’t go back, not only will the king die, but Yoongi too. Somehow, you had only made things worse.

Yoongi isn’t waiting for you this time when you slip out of the passage and into the eighteenth century, and a flash of panic grasps you when you see the empty room. Were you too late? But no, the front door opens, and a hooded figure steps in. “Yoongi, thank god, we need to-”

You break off in shock when the man you thought was Yoongi slips off his coat. It’s clearly not, judging by the mop of fluffy brown hair, rather than Yoongi’s sleek silver. He turns around after hanging his coat on a rack behind the door and smiles at you warmly. “Y/n, right? No need to freak out, Yoongi’s just down at the market.”

You nod distractedly. “Sorry, who are you?”

“Oh! Forgive my rudeness, I’m Yoongi’s assistant. Apprentice,” he corrects hastily. “Kim Taehyung, at your service.”

You take a seat on one of the wooden chairs at the main table as he introduces himself. “Well, Taehyung, it’s nice to mee-”

“You’re from the future, right?” he interrupts excitably. “Yoongi told me not to tell anyone, don’t worry! What’s the future like?”

You bite your lip. “I don’t know if I should say…”

He pouts and sits across from you in a dramatic slump. “Come on,” he whines, “I said I wouldn’t tell anyone! I know, I’ll guess something, and you just have to say if I’m right or wrong, okay?”

You laugh at his eagerness. “Just until Yoongi gets back, yeah? We’ve got some important business to deal with.”

“Flying horses!” he blurts out. “Or flying carriages and wagons! So that we can cross rough terrain and travel faster.”

“I’m sorry, we don’t have those,” you say softly. Bringing up airplanes might be a little much, so you stay quiet and wait for the next thing.

He frowns and rubs at his nose. “Damn it, that would’ve been so cool. Uh, in the future you’ve trained animals to do jobs around the house so that you don’t need a servant!”

You laugh. “No, although you can teach dogs to sit and shake hands.”

Taehyung huffs, blowing a strand of hair out of his face. “Anyone can do that,” he moans in disappointment, “my dog can do that. Man, the future isn’t that cool, huh? What have you guys done?”

You shake your head. “That’s not part of the- Oh, Yoongi, you’re back!” You break off and rush up to him the moment the door opens.

He blinks at you in shock, pausing in removing his coat and choosing to leave it on. “Y/n, you came back?”

Your eyes widen. “Of course, I came back! Look, Yoongi, if we don’t go to the palace right now and save King Jeon, they’ll blame us. The villagers. I don’t know how much I should say, but-”

He gives you an understanding smile. “I can guess. Okay, then, get chang- Oh, you ruined your clothes. I didn’t get you a new dress, I apologise.” He bites his lip. “You can’t go outside in that.”

Taehyung pipes up, taking down his brown coat and slipping it back on. “She could wear some of your clothes, Master? Just this once, and her and I can go down to the market once the King is saved.”

Yoongi pinches the bridge of his nose. “That’s fine, but for the last time, Taehyung, don’t call me Master. What do I always tell you? Loyalty is-”

“Loyalty is in actions, not words,” Taehyung recites monotonously. “I get it, I get it. Alright, Y/n, I’ll grab you some of Yoongi’s clothes quickly. I’d offer you mine, but they’d be way too big.”

After getting changed into some slightly roomy leather pants and a burgundy tunic, listening to Taehyung chatter away behind the tapestry all the while, the three of you set out. The air is crisp and the grass is dewy beneath the worn boots Yoongi leant you. Unlike the other day, when Taehyung was sent out in advance to notify the royal court, apparently Yoongi was unsure you’d even show up. Nevertheless, he said he had visited King Jeon late last night and the young man was awaiting your return anxiously. In fact, the doctor you had met only briefly was waiting outside the front of the palace when you arrived, and you spoke with him as he led you deep in the palace to the King’s private quarters.

“So, all you did was wash and dress the wound?” you question, trailing behind Yoongi as Taehyung brought up the rear.

The man, clad in a balloon-sleeved blouse and tight brown pants, nods dutifully. “Correct.”

“Where did the water come from?”

He shrugs. “All the water in our village comes from either the well or from melted snow in winter.”

You bite your lip, beginning to realize what’s happened. “Please tell me you at least boil the water before applying it to somebody’s open wound.”

The shaman quickly glances behind you in shock and the healer scoffs. “We would burn the skin if we washed the wound with boiling water! Surely that is not what they teach you in Mirefeld!”

You shake your head in disbelief as he leads the party to a stop outside a heavy wooden door. “You don’t apply it while it’s still hot! You boil the water to make sure…” you break off and bite your lip, looking at Yoongi in consideration. You couldn’t exactly start talking about killing off bacteria and sterilizing water. “To make sure all bad spirits are gone. Spirits can’t stand the heat, so when you boil the water they disappear. You let it cool, and then use that purified water to wash wounds, and to drink.”

Surprisingly, the healer doesn’t balk at your explanation but nods thoughtfully. “So, King Jeon has become taken over by a bad spirit that was lurking in the water we used to wash him?”

Your med-student heart dies a little. “Yes, that’s right. Don’t worry, I know how to remove the spirit. I can teach you, so that this doesn’t happen again.”

He smiles gratefully at you and bows. “That would be much appreciated, my lady. Let’s go in now.”

TAGLIST Message me or send an ask to be added to the taglist for Sovereign, and never miss a new chapter!

@sonyeonsideupsmile  @sweetcheeksdna (I can’t seem to tag you!)  @hoodiebangtan @mntchcchp

[writingmilo]

Maya: Chapter 9

Part 3 of Flipped AU

Masterpost

TRIGGER WARNINGS: THREATS

Back at the house, Henrik and Jackie had moved Kenna into the meeting room, tying her to the chair where Maya would normally sit. She almost woke up at one point, but a punch from Jackie swiftly knocked her back unconscious. They left her there, greeting Marvin and Jameson to discuss how each plan had gone until Maya and Chase returned home. 

“You should’ve seen his face, he would’ve ripped the stitches out of his neck with a chainsaw if it meant he would get her home safe!” They laughed, Marvin nodding as if backing up Jameson’s statement. 

“If he hadn’t figured it out as quick as he did, he probably would’ve punched us both before we got the chance to give him the first clue.”

“Imagine the fun we could have if we had that as an excuse!” Henrik’s point was true, and they all laughed some more at how well everything had come off. 

There was a knock at the front door, Jameson had put the chain on so they had an excuse for Chase not to immediately bring Maya into the house, in case they needed time to finish something up. Jackie stood up, still smiling, and went to open it, whilst the others picked up gaming controllers and put the television on Mario Kart. It gave them an excuse to be laughing and smiling, as well as an alibi for the day.

“Don’t tell me you’ve been playing this all day?!” Chase grumbled, jumping onto the sofa and picking up Jackie’s controller.

“Of course not! We’ve not played it after dinner yet!” Marvin joked, and Jackie took his controller back from Chase.

“Hey little duck, do you want to join? We can have a family tournament!” Chase grabbed an extra controller for himself, and extended one out towards Maya. 

”I won’t be very good, I’ve never played before.” It was a complete lie; she used to play all the time with Kenna. 

“It’s okay, we’ll go easy on you.” Maya took the controller, and the games started. It had been a long time since she had played, and she didn’t have to fake coming last. 

Eventually, she got bored of being mocked for losing and stood.

“I’m going to make dinner.” She walked out.

While everyone was eating, Chase declared that there would be a family meeting half an hour after dinner finished, and everyone should look respectable for it, as it was important. This puzzled Maya, the only one who did not know about Kenna, but after walking out of the games earlier that evening, she didn’t want to push her luck by questioning it.

Time for the meeting came, and Maya, dressed in what she considered her nicest dress, made her way to the meeting room. Jameson was waiting outside the room, but she could hear the voices long before he spoke.

“Sorry, little duck, you’re going to have to wait until you’re told you can go in. Henrik’s orders.”

Since when did Henrik give orders? From Maya’s observations he was only high enough in the ranking to give orders when it was medical. Was someone hurt? What had happened in there?

Why did she care? The realisation hit her as the question. Surely she didn’t care about these people, not when they had been so cruel to her. But then, hadn’t they taken her in when she had nowhere else to turn? Hadn’t they clothed, fed, and housed her for over a month for no return? But, she thought, hadn’t they also hit her whenever they saw her glitching? Denied her the medication she needed from the doctors, not let her see her girlfriend, lied to her more times than she could count? The line between caring and not was too hazy to make out exactly where she stood on it.

“Maya,” Jameson stood next to Jackie now, “you can come in.” It was strange how they kept next to her as she entered the room, as if they were poised for action.

She scanned the room; everyone’s eyes were on her, their faces tight with anticipation. What were they waiting for?

Then she saw it. Or more exactly, her. Her eyes landed on Chase, and the seat next to him, occupied by a blindfolded girl. She wasn’t tied down like she had been, but she wasn’t barely moving, only shaking in fear, and trying not to flinch away as Chase stroked her hair.

“Kenna.” It was barely audible, even Jameson barely heard it, but Jackie managed to make it out, and grabbed Maya’s arm as she started to fight. 

“No! Get off me! Let her go, let her go!” Now Jameson grabbed her other arm, and she was held an inch off the ground.

“You can’t do this! Please, you can’t do this to her, let her go!” She was screaming, blocking the sobs in her throat with curses and hatred and fear for the last living person she loved. Her legs were kicking now that they weren’t on the ground, but she couldn’t land a shot. She was sure that she was glitching but she didn’t care anymore. 

The men started to move, walking her over to the head of the table, where Chase had moved out of her chair and was now standing behind Kenna. He was still petting her hair. There was no nice rope this time when they tied her down, it was cable ties that cut into her wrists and ankles.

“I hate you. I hate you all, I hope you die in a fire.” Words were all she had left to make them know how angry she was, but all she got was a chuckle from Chase as she lowered her head. 

“Awww, has our little duck tired herself out? Have you run out of fight?” He paused for an answer, but Maya had nothing left to say to any of them. “Good, maybe now you can finally stop being such an ungrateful brat and let us give you your present.”

“What?”

“Your present, the thing that Jackie and Henrik worked so hard to get for you, and you are being so ungrateful. Maybe you don’t deserve it after all.” She stopped. That was a threat, there was no way that they were saying if she continued to act out Kenna would be let go, but she couldn’t tell what he meant. Surely he wouldn’t…

“Good, now.” He continued, talking about how well Maya had been behaving recently, and how they felt, as a family, that deserved praise. Marvin then broke in about how bad he felt that she couldn’t have a pet because of him, and he felt like he wanted to make it up to her. Apparently, that was where the idea of getting her Kenna came from. 

Chase, being the asshole that he was, picked Kenna up from her chair, causing her to yelp in shock, and placed her on Maya’s lap.

“But doesn’t that feel nice, little duck? Having your girlfriend here with you?”

“Sh-she’s not my girlfriend.” Her cheeks went red, and she saw Kenna’s pale face flush as well.

“Whatever. Nice or not?” Everyone was getting impatient, and Maya could now feel how quickly Kenna’s heart was beating. She needed to get them both out of there.

“Yeah, it’s nice. Thank you.” Everyone’s faces softened, and the cable ties were cut from her wrists and ankles. Immediately, she grabbed onto Kenna, holding her close and whispering comforting words to her like she wished someone had done when she first woke up at the house. 

“Off you go, you two lovebirds. Remember, curfew is eleven.” Jackie smirked at the implications, but Maya helped Kenna stand, and carefully led her out of the room before she took her blindfold off.

Her face was covered in bruises, and a small trail of blood was making its way down her face from a cut on her forehead.

“I’m so sorry they did this to you Kenna.” Gently, she wiped some of the blood from the cut, and took her hand, leading her up to her bedroom and sitting her on the bed.

“Where were you? I’ve been worried sick about you, you haven’t answered any calls or texts; you completely disappeared for a whole month!”

“I know. I’m sorry. I couldn’t contact you, they wouldn’t let me, I don’t have a phone or a computer, I’m not even allowed out of the house without one of them. I wish I could explain more, but I barely know what’s happening myself.” For the first time since she had come to the house, Maya started crying. Properly crying, not from pain, not from being hit, but crying real tears of emotion.

“Come here.” Kenna pulled Maya into her arms, as much for herself as for Maya, and they stayed there until they cried themselves to sleep.

...

Okay, so long story short, I go back to school in 3 days and I would like to get this somewhere near wrapped up by then, so chapter 10 is going to come out half an hour after this one goes up, and then it will be moving to an update a day until it finishes. As it is starting to wrap up, I want to say thank you again, from the bottom of my heart to everyone who has read flipped, this has been my first big solo project and to receive so much love really warms my heart. I love you all so much. ~A xx

@kate807 @bloodygoldensam @the-yandere-kitsune @unsuredoodles @septicuniverse @atomicsepticeye @maybekatie @theluckoftheclaws @simsepticfan @thelunarmasquerade @friezzzboiii @widdendream5 @honestlyitsjustkenna @goldenoceanaart @septicart-appreciation @the-rampaige @a-faithful-fanartist @galiacolanna @novelistgeek

[avengemebucky]

Try a Little Tenderness

TRY A LITTLE TENDERNESS // BUCKY BARNES x READER

of my “Class of ‘62″ Series

A/N: this is requested by @basicwafflescc, thank you so much for your support and requesting! I hope you enjoy!! REQUESTS ARE OPEN!! I’m glad you guys enjoy this series, I really enjoy writing it!

Request: I love your Class of '62 series so much! Could you do one where Bucky sneaks into the readers room late at night because her parents have her under a curfew or something? Thank you so much xx

WC: 1806

Warnings: Steamy, steamy, steamy! Just kissing, really lol

“Class of ‘62″ Masterlist

MASTERLIST

Your father hadn’t been happy to hear that Bucky had forgotten to pick you up last week. So unhappy that he had shortened your curfew even more, now making it 7:00 pm instead of 11:00pm. You had tried to negotiate to your father, explaining that Bucky had been studying all night, but he didn’t want to hear it.

This new curfew made it practically impossible to really go out at night with Bucky after school or on the weekends. The, now, bulk of your shared time was at school, in between classes or at lunch. Bucky had taken the news surprisingly well. You’d been convinced that it was going to break him knowing that his father was trying to limit your time alone with him, but the only reaction you got out of Bucky was an understanding nod and a slight smirk. The smirk left you uneasy, knowing what that type of facial expression from your boyfriend means; no good at all.

-

Your Frankie Valli record skipping at it’s end pulled you out of your thoughts and back to the homework that was sprawled out on your bed, waiting for you. You got up and rummaged through your closet until finding the next record of your choice and placed it on the player, laying the needle on the vinyl. You walked back to your work to the calming return of music flooding your room.

Otis Redding always helped you float through your work without too much stress, easing any of your nerves for perfection or time constraints. “Try a Little Tenderness” began to play in your room, the sounds of the horns forcing you to pause from your work and enjoy the chord progressions.

You walk to your mirror, picking up your hairbrush, and begin singing along with Otis, not having a care in the world. Swaying your hips, you let yourself get taken by the song and its building momentum. Bopping your head, you can feel the peak of the song approaching; your heartbeat rising along with the flow of the song, already knowing the tune inside and out. You really lose it at the climax, not feeling silly at all from your constant flailing. Your hips have a mind of their own at this point, swirling just like Bucky had taught you how. Rubbing your hands down your body, you jump around on your imaginary stage, giving the show of a lifetime to your make-believe crowd.

Just as quickly as the song peaked, the song ended along with the little fantasy it created. You return your brush to its place and fix your hair out of habit, smoothing back behind your ears.

You are about to return to work when you hear what you can only distinguish as a muted snicker. Confused, you open your door, expecting your mother to be the source of the laugh, but your hallway was completely empty. Brows furrowed, your cheeks blush when a knock comes from the other side of your window. Bucky waves and you cover your face in embarrassment before timidly open your window.

“Were you there-”

“The whole time? Of course… It’s okay baby, I know what Otis Redding does to ya.”

You roll your eyes and are about to ask Bucky what he’s doing hanging out at your window when he unexpectedly climbs through your window and into your room. Flustered, you open your mouth to confront him but see your door still wide open from checking the hallway. You run and quickly close it, feeling just a bit more at ease knowing you two now had a little more privacy. You scowl at Bucky.

“Bucky?! What are you doing? You can’t be here, it’s past 7:00 pm!”

“I know Doll, I just missed you, that’s all.” Bucky makes his way towards you and places his hands on your hips. He pulls you close to him and gazes down at you with his bright blue eyes. They looked even brighter in the dim lighting of your room, shining at your presence.

Seeing what he was up to and not wanting to fall into his tricks, you shake your head and successfully push yourself at of his grip.

“Buck! Please... I don’t want you getting into anymore trouble.” You say sincerely before attempting to push him back towards your open window.

Bucky smirks at how weak your attempts are at getting him out of your room, knowing you don’t really want him to leave. He doesn’t move an inch despite your pushing and attempts of guiding him back to the window.

“What, you’ve got something you’d rather do than be with me?” he asks playfully.

You stand your ground and cross your arms.

“Actually, yes.”

Bucky quirks his eyebrow questiongly.

“I was just studying for the History test this Monday and I’d love to get back to it. You know how I get when I’m testing and under pressure… I need more practice”

Bucky takes a step closer to you and you take a step back in return, not wanting to be in close proximity to him, knowing how easily you crumble when Bucky’s like this.

“Practice under pressure? Baby, I can help you study and release some of this tension of yours…”

“Buck, I’m serious, I just really need to focus-”

“I can get you to focus, angel….”

“I don’t-”

The feeling of your closet door stops you from continuing your rebuttal, knowing there was no escape from Bucky now. His blue eyes stare back at yours and you can feel the air catch in your throat. Even though you had kissed him countless times before, you could never get used to the feeling of him being this close to you.

He takes another step closer, now completely caging you in, placing his hand just above your head. He lowers his head into your neck and you shiver at the feeling of his breath against your neck.

“Buck...” you whisper meekly, not knowing what the purpose of it was, to urge him on or to ask him to stop. Your brain can function properly with him this close to you.

He shushes you and rubs his nose from the bottom of your neck to where your neck and chin meet, just staying there for a beat. You shudder, not knowing how to deal with the intensity of the moment. He places a soft kiss under your chin and runs his lips up to your ear. Your eyes flutter closed, releasing the sigh that has been trapped in your throat for what’s felt like an eternity.

“The test is on WWI, right?”

He nibbles on your ear and a warmth pools in your stomach. Barely registering his question, you weakly nod, wanting nothing more than to drop the studying and continue whatever this was.

He pulls away and you whine from the distance he’s created between the two of you. He chuckles in response and leans forward just enough so that you both are practically are breathing the same air but your lips aren’t touching.

You try to lean in to kiss him but he pulls away and grabs both of your hands and puts them above your head. The fire that was once in your belly has now moved between your thighs and your try to rub them together to gain some relief. Bucky’s eyes darken at your squirming.

“Now that your distracted… who shot Franz Ferdinand?”

Your eyes fly open and your eyebrows furrow. You have the name on the tip of your tongue but just as your about to answer, Bucky begins kissing your neck, still holding your arms above your head. Your brain instantly turns to mush and you lose your train of thought completely, getting completely lost in Bucky. You moan at Bucky’s actions, not knowing what to do with yourself.

He runs his lips over yours once again and sigh, convinced that Bucky will finally give you that kiss that you’ve been craving. He pulls back again and you throw your head back in frustration.

“I need an answer, doll…”

“Bucky… baby please” you moan, never feeling this hot in your life.

“This is practicing under pressure, angel... “ he whispers, not getting close enough to give you satisfaction but near enough to keep your head spinning.

You’re about to try to answer Bucky’s question when you hear your mother begin to call for you. Hearing the nearing steps, your eyes flew open and the daze that Bucky had put you into has disappeared.

“Shit! Shit, shit, Shit!” You look around your room, trying to find a place to hide Bucky, knowing if your mom found him in your room with the state your in, she’d drop dead to the floor. Her footsteps sound like a ticking time bomb as you rush around your room, searching for Bucky’s hiding place. Dragging Bucky to the closet, you through him in and close the door just as your mother comes in.

“Y/N, I was wondering if you had any laundry- dear, are you okay?”

You nod at your mother and smile, trying to act as normal as possible as she eyes you up and down. She continues her inspection as she walks around your room and picks up what she deems as dirty clothing and throws them in her basket.

As soon as she turns her back, you rush to your mirror and try to smooth your hair and lessen the reddening in your cheeks as much as possible. “Do you still need that dress of yours washed?” Not really paying attention, still to invested in repairing your appearance, you say yes and continue your work in your mirror before your brain catches up to the situation.

Your dress is in the closet, you IDIOT!

Eyes bulging, you dive towards your closet, stumbling but successfully putting yourself between your closet and your mother.

“Actually, Peggy borrowed it last weekend, sorry Ma…” You rub your neck awkwardly, hoping your mother believes your poor excuse. She eyes you once again, more intensely this time as she makes her way to your door.

“Kids are so strange these days,” she sighs under her breath as she makes her exit and leaves her room. You feel like a weight lifted from your chest as you sigh in relief. Bucky’s head pops out of the closet and cheekily smiles at you apologetically.

“Never again.” You scowl at your boyfriend who always has to bring a little bit of scandal into your life. You walk back towards your bed to go back to actually studying for your test, not giving your boyfriend a second glance.

“Awe, come on doll…”

“Never again!”

You try to stay serious, but both you and Bucky crack smiles at each other, knowing that this would definitely be happening again.

-

Hope you all enjoyed! REQUESTS ARE OPEN!! xx J

[btsjfans]

“Class Clown” Part 3

Hey, I’ve gotten a lot of good feedback and requests for part three, so here I am, in the middle of nowhere with bad service, typing this on mobile. I hope this isn’t crap, please excuse the sloppiness in this. I’ll re blog part 2 which has a link to part 1 If you want to catch up. Thank you for all the support as well, xx

Summery: The class clown, Taehyung, has a lot more going on at home than anybody else realizes, especially not you, the class valedictorian.

Taehyung x Reader

Fluff, angst (mentions of abuse, alcoholism, etc.)

Don’t forget to send in feedback and requests for new stories and reactions about any of the boys!

Your POV:

You stare at Jin across the room the next day, but feel nothing. After 4 years of feeling butterflies when he so much as blinked in your direction, you feel nothing as you stare into the face of this boy. He turns his head suddenly, and holds eye contact with you, you keep staring before you realize what’s happening and you gasp quietly and blush looking away, earning a small smile from Jin. Even now, as Jin laughs at your embarrassment, you feel more cringey than hopelessly romantic. If anything you wish it were V who caught you staring. Speaking of which, he’s still not in class. You check your phone, 8:56, you think, class started 11 minutes ago. You send V a quick text, wondering where he is.

To V: Hey, class started 11 minutes ago, why aren’t you here?

He was fine last time you saw him. You smile, remembering the last time you saw him. His big, dark eyes twinkling with mischief, and adoration even. His big boxy smile blinding you. His dark hair flopping upside down as he lay on his back, staring up at you. Where is this kid?!

Last Night (Tae’s POV)

Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god! My mind races with questions and my heart is practically pounding out of my chest. I just walked back in from my date with Y/N when I’d tripped over Jungkook’s bloodied body on the floor. There was no sign of dad, so he either left as soon as he realized what he had done, or Kookie was attacked by a burglar. I was going to go with number one. I rolled him onto his back, and stared into his face. His sweet, innocent face was distorted by a broken nose, and a busted lip. Blood caked his face and drip down onto his neck and clothes, and his left eye was swollen shut. What kind of monster could do this to you Kook?! He was still breathing, which was my first concern. If I lost Kookie too, I think I would’ve gone off the deep end. Even at the thought of it, my eyes fill with tears and I bite them back as I think of what to do. I’ve taken a few bad hits like this, but usually I’m back up within 5-10 minutes. From the looks of this, he seems to have been here for about an hour. I get up and grab a cold, wet washcloth and start to dab his face, cleaning his injuries and ridding his face of the blood. I’ve shaken him, and called his name, even slapping around his face a bit. Nothing. Do I call 911?! Do I get the neighbors?! Oh god, oh god, oh god…

Your POV

As class went on, no reply from V. Radio silence from the boy you started to catch feelings for. You were so busy worrying about V, you didn’t see Jin staring at you the entire hour. As class let out, you grabbed your bags and started to head out the door when you feel a firm hand grab onto your arm and pull you back. You turn around to see Jin standing there, a shy smile on his face.

“Hey, Y/N, I was just wondering if you’d maybe wanna, uh, go out Friday night?” Jin smiled at you, taking his hand off of your arm. You’d been waiting for this moment for 4 years. You’d fantasized about this happening time and time again. Your first thought is to yell ‘YES!’ but you don’t. After 4 years of never speaking to you, why now? And what about V? You decide to take the diplomatic route.

“I would love to, but I’ll have to check my schedule. I’ll get back to you on this tomorrow.” You smile and turn, walking away. After a high school career of getting no action, you suddenly have two boys sparring for your heart?

Last Night (Tae’s POV)

I pour icy water on his face, which jerks him back to reality. By this point, we were nearing on hour 2, and I was a hysterical mess. I went to call 911, but I was coughing and sniffling so much I couldn’t get a word out. Kookie coughs and starts to groan and I let out a strangled laugh and hug him close against me.

“What-” I cough, “Happened?!” Kookie takes a moment to get his bearings and he weakly leans against my body. After he takes a breather, he looks up at me shakily.

“Dad wanted to know where you were and I said I didn’t know and it just spiraled out of control from there.” He looks around, seeming like a small boy in my arms. He’s only 15, he doesn’t deserve this. What kind of brother am I? Letting us stay in this hellhole. I’m sure you you’re wondering why we still are even here when we could’ve gotten help long ago? Because Jungkook loves him. Because Kookie still believes in our dad. When we were in middle school, and it just started, I suggested we tell somebody, but he said no. He told me that dad was just struggling with the loss of our mom, and that we needed to be there for him. I think he’s just scared to lose what little family we have left. I don’t know where I need to draw the line though…is this where I just step in and get us help? “How do you feel?” I ask, holding him tight, afraid to let go. “I just..Get me in bed and get me some pain meds. I can sleep it off.” I carry Jungkook to his bed and lay him in gently, and bring him some pain meds after. I stay and watch him sleep for a few minutes before I quietly turn off his alarm clock and head to the front door, locking it. Nobody is getting in tonight, and nobody is going out tomorrow morning. Not if I can help it.

(Today) Tae’s POV

I wake up at 11:18am to hear silence in the house. I almost forget that it’s Thursday and not Saturday. I sit up on the edge of my bed and run my hand through my hair and rub my hands along my sweatpants. I can hear my phone chiming, but I need to check on Jungkook. I walk out into the living room and see the door still locked, meaning dad didn’t even try and come in. I peek into Kookie’s room and see him peacefully asleep on his bed, hugging a pillow against his chest. I smile a little at the sight, and I almost feel like a proud parent. Seeing this boy I helped raise growing up. I close the door gingerly and step into the kitchen to make breakfast when I hear my phone go off again and I pick it up and smile seeing Y/N’s name pop up all over my notifications. I click on our messages and scroll through them.

From: Y/N

Hey, class started 11 minutes ago, why aren’t you here?

V where are you?

V??? ??????

Ugh fine, ignore me Jin asked me out on a date

The last one makes me blanch. Of course I feel bad and kinda flattered Y/N was worried about me, but Jin?! He’s my best friend! He’s known I’ve liked her for a year now, and he’s legit never cared! What’s his deal?! He gets every single girl, why can’t I have one? He’s the dream guy for girls, he’s tall, strong, handsome, athletic, kind, and smart. I’m kinda attractive, and nice, and that’s it. I thought I finally had done it, and gotten the girl of my dreams but I guess even she would rather have Jin than me. I don’t know what to say honestly, I just want to see that look in her eyes again. When she told me how she felt, a small blush crept into her cheeks, and she had a sentimental, and shy shine in her eyes. She does the littlest things and it drives me crazy with desire. She’s so…her. And that’s everything I’ve ever wanted. I wait a moment to collect my thoughts before I text back.

To: Y/N

What did you say?

I check the time stamps on them, and see that they’re from several hours ago, meaning anything could’ve happened by now. I stare down at the message, reading and rereading it. Jin. I decide not to text him, I’m not really the confrontational type since I can get all the confrontations I’d ever want in my very own living room. If she goes for him, I’ll talk it out with him whenever I see him again, if not, I’ll let it go and pretend it didn’t happen. I’m jolted from my musings as a text from Y/N comes in, and I read it from my notifications before texting back.

From Y/N: I said I’d have to see if I was busy that day.

Okay, vague. What’s that even mean? Is she?

To Y/N: Are you?

I wait until it says read and I see her typing. My heart pounds and I bite my lip. What if she doesn’t want me? Of course she wouldn’t, Y/N has such high standards. She deserves the world, and I can’t give her crap. I should’ve known it was too good to be true.

From Y/N:

Depends. Are you busy Friday?

I feel a smile slip onto my face. I type yes in and start to brainstorm our perfect date when a cough from the other room disturbs me. Jungkook. What do I do about him? Can I trust Y/N with this? She’s smart so she probably knows what to do. Agh. Okay. I click out of our message and go to Jungkook’s best friend Jimin’s number and ask him if Kookie can sleepover Friday. I want to make sure he’s out of the way and taken care of since I won’t be at he house to watch over him. Jimin is such a good friend. Kookie hasn’t told him about how he gets hurt, but Jimin knows, and he takes care of him. Jimin is like my Jin, except Jimin wouldn’t double cross Kookie like Jin did to me. Your POV:

Okay, so V texted back. He didn’t explain where he’s at, he just skipped right to the Jin situation, which makes you feel good to know he cares that much. You can’t help but wonder what it would be like to go out with Jin. He runs in the most popular crowd in school with V and Namjoon and Hoseok and Yoongi. What would this mean for you? You were never super popular, just liked enough nobody bugged you and left you and Amari alone to be Valedictorian. You ran with a quieter crowd of dedicated kids like you, so would that change? Would they still respect you? You’d liked Jin for years, would one date hurt? Just as you start to consider it V replies.

From V:

No I’m not busy. If you’d have me, I’d like to take you out Friday night. We could go ice skating at that outdoor rink downtown, then go see a drive in movie. I’d have you home by 11:30-12 at the latest and pick you up at 5:30.

You suddenly forget Jin. V was so thoughtful and respectful, you expected a “no I’m not busy, why” kind of reply. But this went above and beyond. This was like those dream dates from the movies. You don’t even realize you’re smiling until Jin points it out.

“What’re you smiling about cutie?” Jin is suddenly beside your table smiling down at you. Why he’s paying so much attention to you now, you don’t know. But as you look up at him, you don’t see the same sincerity in his eyes that V has. Jin was fake, and you knew it all along, but he seemed so perfect you couldn’t help but dream.

“Ah just a funny text. And about Friday I’m sorry, I’m busy. Thanks though.” You smile politely and really kinda want him to just go away so you can show Amari all of this. Jin’s eyes harden and his lips press tightly together for a moment before he’s back to that fake dazzling smile.

"No prob. Some other time.” Jin smiles walking away and you let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. That look in Jin’s eyes was honestly kind of scary. As you watch Jin saunter off you remember to text V back.

Tae’s POV:

From Y/N:

It’s a date.

The words pop up on my screen. Those three words. I feel a smile grow on my face and I bite my lip to keep from laughing. I lay back on the bed and smile closing my eyes and imagine the date. Us, holding hands as we skate, Y/N smiling, And helping hold me up because I can’t skate to save my life, then us at the drive in movie. Maybe cuddling together if she’d be okay with that.

"You’re texting Y/N,” Jungkook says, smiling and standing in the doorway. I sit up and set my phone down looking at the boy. His nose his bandaged up and seems to be holding up pretty well, his eye is super swollen, and his lip is still swollen red. He will definitely be staying home again tomorrow. I check the clock, seeing he slept in until 11:30, which was a good 14 hours.

"How do you feel?” I ask and pull him to the kitchen to get him some pain meds and breakfast.

"Achey. But fine. Now back to Y/N,” Kookie smiles winking with his good eye and leans against the counter. I can’t help but smile at him, even through all this all he can think about his getting the gossip from my life.

"Well we’re going on a date Friday, and you’re sleeping over at Jimin’s.” I say, pouring him a bowl of cereal.

"Today is Wednesday right?” Kookie pulls out the milk and pours it in sitting at the counter and eating. I nod and put the food away and slide him some pain meds.

"What’re you gonna do?” He asks through a mouthful of cereal.

"I was going to take her ice skating and then maybe use Jin’s truck and go to the drive in.” I say and feel a nervous pang as I say Jin’s name. He’s always been a good friend, but when he’s mad he’s scary. I just hope he’ll be chilled out about this.

"Dude you can’t skate at all,” Jungkook grins at me and I grin eating my own cereal.

"I know, an ice skating date seems like every girl’s cliche dream date I thought it would make her happy.”

"Man you really like her.” He grins finishing his food. We stay home on Thursday, still no sign of dad. I go back on Friday and leave Kookie home, but tell him to text me if anything happens. As soon as I walk into 1st period, my eyes go right to Y/N. She doesn’t see me, she’s too busy talking to Amari. I forgot how much I missed her until she was right in front of me. Her smile, the way she sits, hearing her laugh, just watching her be herself.

"KING V IS BACK!” Jin bellows walking in and people grin and laugh, and even I can’t help grinning.

"Hopefully nobody dethroned me in my absence,” I grin, earning a chuckle from my peers. I can feel Y/N’s eyes on me, and I turn my head back and grin at her and wink. I can see her blush a little, and I grin even bigger as her smile grows. Jin drags me down to our usual table with Yoongi and Hoseok.

"So where were you?” Yoongi asks in his usual carefree voice, but I can see his real interest is in Amari as he stares across the room at her.

"I got sick,” I say running a hand through my hair and lean back in my chair the way teachers hate. At my sick comment, Jin rolls his eyes and casts me a knowing look since he’s guessed already what really happened.

"You better not get me sick you afflicted beast!” Hoseok throws a paper wad at my face and laughs.

Your POV:

You watch V as he grins and laughs with his friends, occasionally turning to smile at you. He’s such a good guy. He’s just so pure. As you go to leave the room V jogs up to your side and hooks arms with you grinning.

"Excited for tonight?” He grins and pulls you over to the lockers leaning against them and unhooking your arms as he faces you.

“Yeah. 5:30 right?” You smile, falling into his warm gaze.

“Precisely. They’re playing an old Audrey Hepburn movie at the drive in tonight, is that okay?” V grins and pushes a lock of hair behind your ear, sending chills down your arms.

“Yeah, I love classics.” You say and glance at the clock. “V you need to get to class, you’ll be late.” You grab his hands pulling him off the lockers and gently push him in the direction of his next class. He smiles winking and saunters up the stairs. You turn around to walk to class in the early empty hallway when you crash into Jin’s chest.

“So that’s the reason you’re too busy for me?”

Thank you guys for your support! I'm sorry if this part seemed rushed, and not as quality, I'm on mobile and trying to figure out how to type this all and stuff and I hope I didn't let you down! Don't forget to leave more feedback if you want a part 4!

[odetolouise]

Cold As Stone

A/N: This one wasn’t really requested (well someone requested some angsty stuff months ago, I hope this is angsty enough) but I wanted to write this nevertheless. I’m sorry that it’s still taking so long to write for me but I’m still getting back into the routine so please bare with me. I hope you enjoy this one and please tell me your thoughts about it! Lots of love xx

_____________________

Words: 2341

Triggers: Heartache; Cursing; Harsh words? (I don’t know how to call that, oh lord, I hope you get what I mean)

_____________________

You were never one of those people who liked to show their feelings. Instead, you liked to keep to yourself, deal with problems on your own and portray that everything is fine and that you don’t get easily affected. It never really was a problem; yes, your friends sometimes said some mean things about your “emotional coldness” but only because they thought that it wouldn’t hurt you – well because it always seemed like it didn’t.

Things got a little bit harder when you’ve met Josh, who soon got to be your boyfriend. He never really openly complained about your lack of emotions when things got a lot more heated between the two of you. You never told him, why you kept your feelings to yourself, how, when you were younger, the kids made fun of you for crying easily. Josh accepted it and didn’t question it further – mostly because it never really was a problem.

 That was until everything went out of control. The day started off badly, Josh was in a grumpy mood and you were as well. He just told you about the upcoming world tour and of course were you happy for him and Tyler but as he asked you if you wanted to come with him and you said no because of your job, things were already doomed. He refused to talk to you for the entire evening, claiming that he was tired and went to bed early.

The only reason for Josh reacting this way was because he thought you didn’t want to come with him. Your clear “no” and the resistance you showed while he was practically begging you, made him think that.

Little did he know that you really wanted to go with him, hell, you would even quit if you wouldn’t rely on the money. Yes, Josh made enough with the band for the two of you but you wanted to have your own money and not live off him. The only reason for your cold answer was that you were practically breaking inside, making your heart ache with sorrow. You didn’t want to hurt him by saying ‘no’ but you did exactly that.

 It took only some hours after the two of you woke up, for everything to go downhill. Josh sat on the couch while you were folding the laundry, something which would calm you down normally, but unfortunately not today. His frustrated voice echoed loudly through the quiet apartment as he spoke up.

“You really don’t care, don’t you?”

You lifted your head, stopping the action of folding one of his shirts, confused with what he meant. “What are you talking about?”

“The tour, me, everything in general.” Josh’s voice was cold, cold enough to raise goosebumps on your skin.

“What do you mean?” You grew more and more frustrated, what was his problem?

“You never do. I always thought you were just good at hiding your feelings but obviously, I was wrong. Really wrong.”

You completely stopped folding the shirt you just picked up, instead, you threw it on the pile to your side. You didn’t know what to say or do, never ever has something like this happen, so you just sat there, mouth wide open, surprised by the way Josh spoke about you.

“You’re cold as stone, hell, you’re emotional like a stone!” He exclaimed, voice still coated thickly with anger. “I guess, even them have more feelings than you’ll ever have.”

You blinked. Once. Twice. You were shocked, to say the least. It didn’t take long for the tears to form in your eyes, making your vision more than blurry. How dare he?

“You probably don’t even love me, you may say that you do and everything but how can I know that you’re not just with me because of the fame? I don’t even think that you’re capable of loving someone else than yourself.”

You couldn’t take this anymore; the words burning themselves deeper and deeper into your heart, resulting in a massive pain you’ve never felt before. You stood up, taking one of the shirts you just folded and threw it at his chest. “Fuck you!”, and with that, you were out of the apartment.

 As soon as your heated face met with the cold air outside of the building of your shared apartment, the tears flooded out of your eyes. You don’t remember when the last time was that you cried this hard. Your entire body shook with your hysteric breathing, desperate to get some of the air into your lungs. You’ve never been this hurt in your entire life. Emotional like a stone, cold as one. Josh’s voice repeated itself over and over again, saying the same combination of words, digging the knife deeper and deeper. Not capable of loving anyone else than yourself.

You didn’t know what to do; standing in front of the building, desperately crying wasn’t really a good thing. Especially when you’re supposed to be emotionless.

You had no idea where to go, your heart begged you to go to Jenna and Tyler’s house, not only because it was in walking distance but because the two of them could help you and let you stay at theirs. Obviously, it would be the smartest and right thing to do, but Josh would think of that as well and go as soon as he realizes what he had said to them. And there was no way you wanted to see him.

 Your mind knew that he didn’t mean it like that, that he was just disappointed and frustrated with the entire situation, letting his anger out on you. Your mind knew that and your heart knew that somewhat as well, but still – it gave him absolutely no right to talk about you like that and assume things and your mind knew that too. So, even if he would apologize, which he definitely will, you didn’t know if you wanted to hear it.

Realization hit you that you had practically nowhere to go; yes, you had other friends as well but they didn’t know you like Jenna did. She was almost the only one who knew why you are the way you are and understands it. So, despite all of your worries of seeing Josh, you started to walk to her, in desperate need of emotional support. You never liked it when your emotions hit you, especially when they hit that deep. Only because you never show your emotions, doesn’t mean that you don’t feel them. Every minute you’re away from Josh when he’s on tour or just visiting his family, you miss him and you feel missing him. Every little fight the two of you have, you feel the sadness, the anger and the fear of possibly losing him. Just because you don’t show them, the way he does doesn’t mean you don’t have them.

Walking to Tyler and Jenna’s home should have calmed you bit, you thought, but clearly, you were wrong. You still sobbed uncontrollably, tears falling like waterfalls. It really was long ago that you cried that hard. This just showed how much Josh really did hurt you.

It didn’t take long for one of them to open the door after you knocked rather pitiful. The strength you were supposed to have, seemed to be gone, making it harder and harder just to stand up. All you wanted was to cuddle yourself up in heaps of blankets and to sleep, just to stop your mind repeating the same sentences over and over.

Jenna was the one to open the door, clearly shocked to see the state you were in; eyes all red and puffy, body shivering and breathing uncontrollably. She didn’t question you, why of all the sudden you stood in front of her door, she just opened her arms, letting you fall onto her, crying even harder than before.

Some hours passed; you calmed somewhat down and explained everything that happened to Jenna. You were slightly afraid that you overreacted but as soon as you finished talking, she furiously stood up and threatened to kick Josh’s ass, if you wanted her to. Despite all the sorrow you felt, you started to laugh uncontrollably, imaging Jenna fighting Josh. Tyler heard the story too and offered to stay at theirs until you would feel better and want to confront your boyfriend, while silently cursing his best friend out. You accepted his offer, relieved that you wouldn’t have to face him soon, though you were sure that he would come here and ask for you soon enough.

And exactly that happened, at 11 p.m., as you laid all cuddled up on the couch, watching some stupid movie with Jenna and Tyler, to keep your mind occupied. Tyler opened the door, already knowing that it had to be his bandmate. Your assumptions confirmed when you heard his voice, asking Tyler if he could come in so he could speak to you. To your luck, Tyler denied Josh’s question, telling him that it would be best if he’d let me sleep a little and to talk about everything the next day.

“Please Tyler, I know that I fucked up, I’ve never seen her like that before. Please let me in so I can excuse my asshole behavior towards her.” 

Jenna nodded beside you, agreeing to his choice of words. You only buried your face into the blanket you were wrapped in, not knowing what to do. Tyler wouldn’t let him in, that was clear, allowing you to sort out your thoughts till tomorrow; but still, you didn’t know if you were even able to find a solution till tomorrow.

“I’m sorry mate, but it’s the best if you go now.”

“Tyler, please! I can’t go, not knowing how she is doing, it’s killing me.” His voice broke towards the end, he clearly was regretting everything he said towards you.

It seemed like your body had the mind of his own because suddenly you were on your way to the front door, where you actually didn’t want to be in the first place.

To see Josh liked that, broke your heart; his eyes were red and puffy, meaning he cried, his hair all messed up due to its constant contact with his hands. You were slightly surprised to see him suffer like that, somehow it made you feel a little bit better about yourself, he deserved the pain he felt after he made you feel like complete shit.

His eyes widened as he saw you, standing behind Tyler, so did Tyler’s as he noticed your presence behind you. “(Y/N),...”

“Tyler, it’s okay.” He nodded and then left the two of you alone. Almost immediately, Josh tried to get a hold of your hand, in desperate need to have at least some contact with you so he could know that it wasn’t as bad as it seemed. But as you flinched away and got out of his grasp, he knew just how badly he fucked up.

“(Y/N), please…” His voice was quiet, almost even afraid to talk too loud for you. He didn’t know what to do or what to say; Josh wasn’t expecting to see you like this.

“It’s really the best if you would just go, Josh.” The coldness of your voice, made him flinch this time. You didn’t plan to be like this towards him but after the way he talked to you, speaking like a complete jerk about things he knew absolutely nothing about, you just couldn’t help it. You didn’t know if you were ever able to be normal around him again, to forget what happened between the two of you. Yes, for some people it seems completely overrated and overreacted but Josh broke your trust and lost every respect you had for him.

“Okay, if this is really what you want me to do… I’ll come back tomorrow so we can talk things through, I didn’t mean to hurt you like this, I never meant to hurt you, ever.” Josh grew nervous, hoping that everything will turn out alright and that he doesn’t lose you for his stupid mistakes.

“But that’s exactly what you did, Josh. You didn’t think and said horrible things about me; I know I should have talked to you about it but it still gave you no right to talk about me like that! I don’t even know what to say to you! You’ve hurt me like no one else ever did; fuck what everyone says about me and the way I cope with my emotions and feelings but you are my boyfriend, the person I love! I thought you knew better than that.”

“What do you mean by that? I know I fucked up… but I want to make it up to you, I love you (Y/N).”

“I love you too, Josh, but I don’t know if I can be with you after that.”

“(Y/N), please don’t do that!” Josh started to cry, breaking your heart even more.

“You just assumed things, horrible things. If you really think about me like that, you could have talked to me about it, asking if it’s true instead of throwing this at my head, just to make me suffer more. Hell, if you really do think about me like that, then why the hell are you even here?!” Your voice got louder, normally you wouldn’t want anyone to hear things like this but in this exact moment you didn’t care and wanted to let your anger and sorrow all out.

“I don’t think about you like that, (Y/N), please believe me.” Josh didn’t even know what to say anymore, it frightens him to see you determined like this, meaning that you already knew the outcome of this.

“I’m sorry Josh, but this is all your fault. I can’t be with you any longer, not after what happened.” And with that you closed the door, not caring that you just broke his heart because he did the exact same thing to yours just some hours ago.

[justtwentyonewriters]

Borderline//Josh Dun

Request: Please do one where you struggle with borderline personality disorder and josh helps you through your intense emotions and fear of abandonment and encourages you to get therapy?

Note: This does focus on a serious mental illness—so if that type of thing doesn’t agree with your mental wellness, I recommend skipping this fic and staying tuned for the next update. I really hope I did some justice with this. It’s a challenge to show the perspective of a mental illness you personally don’t have, so if I skewed any details I apologize.

Xx

              “People with Borderline Personality Disorder seem to live crisis to crisis—a life without release from fear, or strong emotions pulling them in every which direction” Your teacher explained, causing your heartrate to speed up inside your chest. You felt every contraction, every rush of blood hit your ribs like a train—you could’ve sworn everyone inside that classroom went silent and was hearing the blood rushing through your veins. The adrenaline sending you into another “crisis” as professionals liked to call it. You bit down on your lip, reading off the words of your textbook, focusing on each letter in an attempt to calm yourself. “Those suffering from BPD often have fears of abandonment. Not rational fears—rather than believing someone will leave following an argument, or disaster. They’re mindset is that they will always be left behind, no matter what.” You squeezed your eyes shut. Though the teacher wasn’t wrong, you hated hearing it.

              You had decided to take a mental health course to better your knowledge on the large range of mental illnesses in the world—as you were applying to a crisis network to be a peer listener. Listen to the problems of users, offer support where you could. It seemed like a bang-up job, and having some insight on what they may be going through would definitely guarantee you the job. Which the course was amazing, the instructor was awesome—it was just that hearing about what you personally had made it hard to sit still. To think rationally as the class learned. You could’ve missed the day—the teacher had offered to call the office to say you had been sent home sick with the flu (considering you had talked with your teacher about why this course meant so much with you)—but you refused, to be an effective peer listener you needed to have knowledge on the range of mental illnesses. Not missing a single one.

              You were regretting your decision to stay in class today—as each word made you ponder more and more about your personal life. What if you went home and the house was empty? If Josh just picked up and left without a word. If your family never answered their phones and left you? What if you were a burden to everyone. The world didn’t need you, nobody did. Tears burned in the back of your eyes as you focused on the clock at the front of the room—watching the second-hand tick over to the next minute, the last minute before class would be done and you could leave for the day. To face the fears that had gathered within your mind.

              “Okay class, that wraps up our discussion on Borderline Personality Disorder. If anyone has any questions over the weekend, you know my email. I can clarify any details on the disorders we covered. But I will not tell you what will be on the exam!” Your teacher smiled, watching the class leave as you merely sat in place. Eyes cast downward toward your book—breathing steady (as you refused to show the anxiety that was brewing inside). “Y/N.” Your teacher approached your desk after your peers had left, the door was closed. It was only you and her in the room. “Can we have a moment?” Her voice was soft, full of concern.

              “Okay.” You managed to get past your lips, eyes still on your textbook. “What’s going on?” You managed to look up from the book—mentally cursing as you felt tears streak down your cheeks.

              “You did very well this class, I know you had some concerns about covering this when you applied for the course.” You nodded, watching the woman in front of you, her face blurry from the tears in your eyes. “I know it was tough for you, so I’m going to email you a summary of what we covered, you can review it on your own time before the exam.  If you need anything this weekend, you can email me. Even just to talk.” Being a counsellor at the school, she was always offering to help. Which you were grateful for—even though you knew if you emailed her that she would turn you away. Like anyone would. “Go home, get some rest. Relax a little bit, do something that calms your mind okay?” You nodded, wiping at your cheeks before standing up and collecting your things. “Is there anything you’d like to talk about right now? I know some of the descriptions in the textbook weren’t the greatest, a bit brash even.” You shook your head, thanking her softly before slinging your backpack over your shoulder.

              “Thank you, have a good weekend.” You managed to spit out, walking out of the classroom and toward the bus stop. In a city so busy, you never imagined feeling so alone. Professionals said it was because of the BPD, but you knew that was a cover up. It was because you were destined to be alone. The population would abandon you one by one. It would happen. It already started.

              Those friends you had back in high school? They could care less. Your cousins you used to talk to all the time, sayonara—they forgot you the day after you left. You knew Josh would spring the news of leaving soon—you found it amusing, in a sick way. Someone like you dating someone like him. A rockstar who’s life depended on leaving for months on end; being with someone who feared the worst when left alone. Funny.  

              You looked out the window, watching the streets of Columbus pass by as the bus took its route—once the buildings began looking more familiar you knew your stop was next. Then a walk, about a block and a half to the apartment you and Josh shared. You hoped he would still be there when you got home. Anxiety grew in your chest as you felt the bus stop, no sign of Josh yet. This made your anxiety worse—he typically waited for you, knowing that it calmed your mind when you saw him. It almost made you think he wanted to stay. But as the demons inside told you, he didn’t. He was just looking for a way out—and today might be that day when he found one. You chewed on the inside of your cheek as you walked, eyes scanning all around. Waiting to see the familiar tuft of yellow amongst all the unfamiliar faces. He wasn’t anywhere to be seen on the walk back. You mentally prepared yourself for an empty house.

              Which to your dismay was a correct assumption. The door was locked—the house quiet, except for the lonely ticking of the clock the two of you had put up. You forced the tears in your eyes to wait, as you called out for the boy. Hearing your voice crack midway made the situation real.

              He left, no goodbye. No last words, not even an explanation. He was gone. Your fears became real. You felt a sob grow in your chest as you dropped your bag on the floor, forcing your feet to take you up the stairs. The world felt empty—you felt lead fill your veins, making it nearly impossible to move. You wished that you had said more kind words to him, been more loving. More considerate in your actions. Maybe it was the way you showered for long periods of time before bed. Or how you didn’t offer to make supper enough—or was it something you did while asleep? Did you snore? Hog blankets? Your mind came up with at least 500 reasons why Josh finally left, each taking a little piece of your heart with it. You felt a sob finally escape your lips—filled with sadness, anger, fear. He was your support system, though you expected this to happen he always seemed to ground you during these attacks. When the thoughts took over “reality” and you drowned in the waves.

              Right now you wished for the oxygen he gave you—considering the wave of what was going on made it rather hard to breathe.

Xx

              You didn’t realize you fell asleep, until you were awakened by a throbbing headache, sore arms and legs and the front door slamming shut.

              “Y/N? Y/N?” You heard a familiar voice call—tone frantic, scared almost. It was followed by the rush of feet up stairs, and the bedroom door flying open. “I’m so sorry! I was at Tyler’s house and we were caught up in recording and rehearsing I didn’t even pay attention to the time.” Josh rambled, nearly flying to the bed and scooping you into his arms—he was out of breath, making you wonder if he ran the whole way back. “I’m here. I’m here. I’m not gone, I’m not leaving. I’m right here.” He whispered, pressing his face into your hair.

              You wanted to curl into his warm embrace, re-memorize his familiar scent and the feeling of his body. But anger washed over you—how dare he play you like this? He knew what you were covering in class yet he tried this? Made you believe you were alone, and gave you the excuse of Tyler?

              “No!” You growled, pushing at his chest, trying to get yourself out of his grip. “You fucking left! No notes! No explanation! Fuck you!” You cried, pushing as hard as you could. Hands curling into fists as you smacked them against his arms—his chest. Your body trying anything to get away. “You were probably cheating or finding a new life without me. Go AWAY!” You yelled—knowing your neighbors probably heard you. Except Josh’s grip never faltered, he never reacted to the little punches you threw, the angry accusations you made against him. He knew better.

              “Y/N.” He whispered, ignoring the anger radiating from you. “I’m right here.” He continued whispering this until the anger subsided into sadness. Causing sobs to wrack your body as the realization of what you had done hit you. You were pushing him away one word at a time, what if he really was with Tyler? What if he was being honest? He put in an effort to come back and this is what you do? You didn’t deserve him, you deserved to be alone. “I’m not leaving. I’m always going to be with you, and only you.” He whispered, pressing a kiss against your head, letting the waves of emotions take their course. Never once letting you go.

Xx

              It was later that night, the two of you laying in bed—the darkness surrounding the room. His arms still tightly around you, as your head lay exhaustedly against his shoulder. You felt your body slowly get rocked back and forth—you were too tired to focus on the thoughts buzzing within your head, you hated when things escalated like that.

              “I’m sorry” You whispered softly. Eyes shutting, and slowly opening once more. You had been fighting sleep for an unknown amount of time—trying to find the words to make it up to him. Though all you could say was sorry.

              “Shh.” Josh cooed, pressing a gentle kiss against your head. Though he knew it would be hard, and that he could never be the cure you needed; he tried. He would hold you close while your body took control, working off adrenaline and dark thoughts. He knew how to handle things—how to brave the storm.

              Though he may have lied a bit with the story of going to Tyler’s house—he wouldn’t admit it. Not until the time was right, not until the perfect moment to prove you were the one he planned to love forever.

[ph-piecebypiece-blog]

Chapter Eight

Authors note: I’m going away for a few days so the next chapter won’t be up until Thursday or Friday. It’s already written though so I can post it as soon as I get a second when I’m back, just wanted to let you all know. Thanks so much for all the support so far, you guys are amazing! :)

March 10 2013

Mother's day.  For those who are fortunate to have their mothers still with them, it's a lovely day that gives you the perfect excuse to show your mother how much you love her and to spend some time with her. For those who aren't so lucky, it's a reminder of what you lost. Without fail every year it put Everly in a bad mood. She hated herself for feeling that way, for being jealous of those happy little families out for brunch or for a picnic if the weather was nice enough. It was a day that made her resentful towards everyone who paraded around with their mother who they probably didn't appreciate half as much as they should anyway and then she felt angry towards herself for being so petty. Overall it was just a stressful, horrible day and she wished it didn't exist. Especially since this year it shared the anniversary of her mother's death.

She was just finishing putting her makeup on for the day, contemplating that very thought when her phone buzzed next to her and Harry's named flashed on the screen.

“Thinking of you today, hope you're doing alright xx”

She smiled, her mood lifting just a touch.

“Thanks, Harry. I'm thinking of you too. Any plans? Xx”

“Just heading up to Althorp with Wills to visit mum, might see my uncle too if he's around. You?”

“About to have lunch with my grandmothers then going to visit my mum as well.”

“Try to have a good day, love. Still coming over tonight?”

Everly confirmed their plans before looking at the clock.

“Shit,” She mumbled to herself before throwing her phone into her purse. She was already running short on time and after being distracted by Harry she would now be slightly more than fashionably late.

*

“I'm sorry! I'm sorry!” She frantically apologized, trying to catch her breath as she ran up to the very fancy restaurant where she was meeting her grandmothers. It was unseasonably warm so she found them easily as they were seated on the patio in front of the building.

They both looked up, a slight look of shock on their faces.

“That's quite alright, dear,” Her grandma Evelyn, her mother's mother and Everly's namesake, assured her. “We're just glad you could make it this year.”

Her grandmothers had been organizing this mother's day brunch for the past four years now and every year Everly had cancelled on them at the last minute.

“Here, take a seat,” Her grandma Joyce instructed, pulling out a chair as Everly hopped over the rail of the restaurants patio, earning a stern look from both grandparents. “Would you like a drink? We've started with some mimosas.”

She smiled as the two elderly ladies giggled like naughty schoolgirls at the fact that they were drinking before noon. As much as she'd been tempted to cancel once again and spend the whole day moping about, she was already glad she came.

“A mimosa sounds perfect,” She decided. “I can't miss out on all the fun you two seem to be having.”

Joyce flagged down a waitress and ordered her granddaughter's drink before both of them turned their attention to her, staring at her intently.

“How are you, darling?” Evelyn asked. “You look, well, you actually look wonderful!”

A grin slid onto Everly's face as she realized the stark difference there must be in her since they last saw her, on the last day of Adam's trial and as she thought about the person who had helped her come so far in such a short time.

“I am wonderful,” Everly confessed. “Things are going very well for me at the moment. I feel...happy again. For the first time in a very long time.”

“Oh I am so pleased to hear that!” Joyce breathed a sigh of relief, but there was a twinge of sadness in her eyes and Everly's stomach twisted as she realized they might want to talk about what happened. “We are sorry, you know. We should have seen how unhappy you were, we should have noticed that you withdrew from us.”

“But we just thought you were a normal, young adult who didn't want to be bothered by her family all the time,” Evelyn piped in, defending their actions. “If we'd known what you were going through, we would have been there for you.”

“I know that,” Everly assured them. “I don't blame anyone, but myself. I was good at hiding what was happening because I didn't want anyone to know and get involved.”

They nodded, but before the conversation could continue the waitress came over with Everly's drink, ready to take their food orders and by the time she left, her grandmothers were ready to change the subject.

“So,” Joyce started, a cheeky grin on her face as she sipped her mimosa. “I know you went through a lot and might not be eager to get back into the dating scene, but is there anyone special in your life at the moment?”

Everly hesitated, not sure she wanted to open that can of worms just yet, but the soft smile that slid on her face as she thought of Harry and the pink twinge on her cheeks gave her away.

“Oh, I know that look!” Evelyn teased. “There is someone! What's his name?”

“His name is Harry,” She confessed, knowing she wouldn't easily get out of this conversation. She also knew neither of her grandmothers would tell anyone without her permission and, feeling like a high school girl with a crush, she was quite eager to talk about him.

“Does this 'Harry' have a last name?” Evelyn prodded.

“Um, not exactly...”

“Oh no,” Joyce sighed, a frown replacing the look of glee that had been on her face moments before. “He's not another sleezy drug dealing lunatic is he? What kind of respectable young man doesn't have a last name? Is he some kind of rapper thug?”

Everly giggled at the though of Harry trying to rap or act like a thug as she shook her head.

“No, no, he's definitely not,” She assured them. “And Harry would be a horrible name for a rapper, Grandma.”

“Well I don't know these things!” Joyce shrugged. “Why doesn't he have a last name then?”

Everly mulled over how to answer the question without setting off too much excitement.

“I guess Wales would be his last name,” She informed them, enjoying the look of puzzlement on their faces. “But Mountbatten-Windsor is probably the technical one even though I don't think it's ever used.”

The look of shock that slowly took over them as they worked out, almost in perfect synchronization, who she was talking about was priceless.

“What?!” Joyce shrieked, drawing a few glances of concern to the table. Much to Everly's relief though, everyone soon lost interest probably just assuming she'd had a few too many mimosas already.

“Are you trying to tell us that you are dating Prince Harry, the third in line to be king of England?!” Evelyn asked, thankfully in a much quieter tone than her counterpart.

“I am,” Everly confirmed, unable to hide her grin. “For almost two months now actually.”

“How on earth did that happen?”

“Well I've been working in Dave, my godfather's, bar and he came in one night looking for a quiet place to have a drink when he got back from Afghanistan,” She explained. “We met once at some event Dad dragged me too when we were young, but we never kept in touch so it was nice to catch up and once we started talking we just really hit it off.”

“How has he been with everything you went through?” Joyce asked, her concern evident in her voice. Everly really wished that not every conversation came back to this issue, but she knew how hard it had been for them to see her at the trial so she tried to be patient.

“He's been really wonderful,” Everly assured them. “He was, uh, actually the first person I really opened up to about it and he's been nothing, but kind and understanding about the whole thing and any boundaries I have. He's really been the positive influence I think I needed to pull my head away from what happened.”

“Excellent,” Joyce grinned, satisfied with her answer. “You do seem very happy, you practically glow when you talk about him.”

“I am happy,” Everly blushed. “I got very lucky finding him when I did. Please don't tell my dad though. It's still quite new and I don't want to deal with whatever complaints I'm sure he'll have.”

Joyce nodded, feeling slightly uncomfortable about keeping something from her son, but not wanting to interfere in their business.

“Have you heard from your dad lately?” Evelyn asked, having heard from Joyce how strained their relationship had become.

“Nope,” Everly sighed. “And I think it's better off that way for now.”

“He does love you very much you know,” Joyce said quietly, unable to not defend her child, but earning an eye roll from her granddaughter.

“He has a great way of showing it,” She snapped, bitterly. “Not even coming to one day of the trial or reaching out to me once when it was happening really screams 'I love you'.”

“He was the one who got you out of the situation though,” Evelyn reminded her, but was met with more snark.

“Only to save his own reputation!” Everly argued. “'Former Prime Minister's daughter beaten to death by crazy, drug addicted boyfriend while he stood by and did nothing' isn't the most flattering headline.”

Joyce frowned, frustrated that she felt that way.

“He did it because he loves you,” She insisted.

“Can we just not talk about this?” Everly asked. “It's mother's day, not father's day. Today isn't about him.”

Joyce opened her mouth to protest, wanting things to be okay within her family, but Evelyn spoke first.

“Alright, dear. We'll drop it for now.”

The rest of the lunch passed without any more tension. The three shared a few more mimosas and plenty of laughs, enjoying each others company and making up for the time they had lost the last few years. There was guilt felt all round, Everly for pushing her family away and her grandmothers for not stepping in sooner, but they didn't let it rise to the surface and focused on the future.

After their lunch, they said their goodbyes and Everly headed to her mother's grave. She hadn't been in years, since before she'd met Adam, and just the sight of her headstone brought tears to her eyes. She placed the bouquet she'd brought by the stone before sitting on the grass next to her. Before she even knew what was happening, she found herself pouring her heart out. She told her everything, about how Adam had treated her and how heartbroken she was that the first man she'd ever truly loved had turned out to be such a monster, how she feared for her life every day, how she thought her fate was just to stay with him until he accidentally killed her as if it was some kind of punishment for how she'd behaved after her mother died. She told her how angry she'd been at her for dying and how she sometimes had blamed her for what happened to her, knowing she wouldn't have ended up in that situation if her mother hadn't died, but how she instantly felt guilty for ever feeling that way. She told her how strained her relationship with her father had become, how he was such a different person than he was when she was alive and how she wasn't sure their relationship was repairable anymore.

And lastly, she told her about Harry. How he appeared just when she really needed someone and brought the light back into her life. How he'd been so incredibly patient with her and treated her so well. How he made her laugh and how much fun they had together and, of course, how insanely attractive he was.

She hadn't even realized how fast time had passed and two hours later, with her mascara smeared all down her cheeks from all the tears she'd shed, she stood up, brushed off her jeans and headed home to get ready to go to Harry's place.

*

When he opened the door it was instantly clear that he was as emotionally drained as she was.

“You don't have to knock, you know,” He told her his voice soft and tired. “Especially if I'm expecting you.”

“Okay, I'll just barge in next time,” She smiled, earning a chuckle from Harry. She stepped through the door and pulled him into the hug that they both needed. “How are you doing? How was your day?”

Harry sighed, wrapping his arms around her and burying his face in her hair.

“I'm alright,” He said a moment later. “It was a long, emotional day, but Mother's day always is. How was yours?”

“The same,” She admitted. “Lunch with my grandmothers was nice and so was visiting my mum, but it was draining all the same. I told her about you.”

“Oh did you now?” Harry smiled as he led her into the living room. Since he'd been out of town all day, they were meeting up later than usual and had both already eaten dinner. “Did you make sure to tell her how devastatingly handsome I am?”

Everly laughed.

“Yes, I did,” She assured him. “And how modest you are as well.”

Harry flopped down on the couch as soon as they reached it, desperate to put his feet up after the long day. He pulled Everly down next to him and put his arm around her as she snuggled into his side.

“How did your mother die?” Harry asked after a moment of silence. “I realized today that I never asked you that and I don't think I ever heard about it.”

“Cancer,” Everly told him, her voice wavering slightly. “Ovarian cancer. She got it young, usually it's more common in older women, but it's one of those cancers that doesn't really have any warning signs until it's too late to cure.”

“I'm sorry,” He squeezed her closer to him. “That must have been awful.”

“It all happened so fast, I think that was the hardest part.” Everly explained. “She was fine and then a few months later she was gone, it didn't seem real. And then when I accepted that it was real, I was so angry at her for not fighting it harder or catching it sooner. Now I know she did all that she could, but it was a tough time, yeah.”

“Will it increase your risk?” Harry asked, suddenly feeling a twinge of panic at the thought of the woman in his arms being taken away from him in that way.

“Slightly, but not as much as other cancers like breast cancer for example. And I get checked regularly so they'd probably catch it in time anyway,” She assured him. Harry nodded and they fell into a comfortable silence until Everly spoke again. “Did Kate go with you and Will today?”

“No, she went to visit her mum instead. She's been before, but it's something me and Will like to do on our own on Mother's day.” Harry explained.

“That makes sense,” Everly nodded as she stifled a yawn.

“She would have liked you, you know,” Harry said quietly after another moment of silence. “She would have admired your spunky little spirit and how strong you are.”

“I'm not that strong,” Everly said quietly after a moment of shock while she absorbed what he'd said. “I got myself into a bad situation then stayed until someone else got me out. From what I know of your mother, she wouldn't have admired that.”

“You're stronger than you give yourself credit for,” Harry insisted. “You went through a horrible ordeal and haven't let it hold you back. You're moving on with your life and have made yourself into an independent, self-sufficient woman and my mother would have found that as amazing as I do.”

Everly blushed at his compliments.

“I would have loved to meet her,” Everly confessed. “I always thought she seemed like such a lovely woman with such a big heart.”

“She was,” Harry agreed. “And you two would have gotten along very well. She would have loved your sense of humour and how you're not afraid to tease me mercilessly.”

“My mom would have liked you too,” Everly smiled, letting her eyes slide shut as the warmth of Harry's house and his embrace paired with the stress of the day suddenly made her very sleepy. “Especially how devastatingly handsome you are.”

She felt Harry's chest move as he chuckled and placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head before she slowly dozed off in his arms.

[a-tired-bitch]

You Should Know Better Pt.1

23 Parts:  I  -  II  -  III  -  IV  -  V  -  VI  -  VII  - VIII  -  IX  -  X  -  XI  -  XII  -  XIII -  XIV  -  XV  -  XVI  -  XVII  -   XVIII  -  XIX  -  XX  -   XXI  -  XXII  -  XXIII

MASTER LIST

YSKB MASTER LIST

Summary: Staying after class to ask her professor a question, Natalie realizes that Joe is no longer wearing his wedding band.  Request Summary / Song:  Guys My Age - Hey Violet  - @xdaddy-neganx  POV: Natalie Characters: Natalie, Joe Merriweather (Indented) Word Count: 1732 Author’s Note: Okay, well even if you guys don't like it, I enjoy writing it and Joe is such a sweet, low-key asshole to write out.  Quote:  “You should know better than to lie to someone such as myself who has extensive experience in reading people.” 

“So, remember guys, there are people who are going to hate you for what you do, but do not take it personally. It’s simply the uniform that you wear and it’s nothing against you as a person. Some people simply don’t like the uniform and can’t get past that.” There was a moment of silence as Joe leaned up against the podium and simply smiled. “Trust me, guys…” A small line of scoffs escaped his mouth as he shook his head and glanced down at his hands. “It’s a fine profession, but shit like that happens, it’s inevitable.”

Covered by a line of computers, Natalie absentmindedly glanced around the classroom.  It was nearing six in the afternoon and with the day consisting of semi-boring classes and little to no food, her attention span and energy was practically nonexistent.

 “As for the FBI, now that is a whole other story.  You never hear about the common person hating someone in that position, unless your name is James Comey and you have a bunch of people who think you did an inadequate job of investigating someone's emails.” Again, another string of lighthearted chuckles escaped the professor's mouth as he straightened up and glanced across the large classroom that had more computers than actual students. “I would tell you some stories of being a police officer and a special agent, but since time is running out…” Joe glanced down to his watch, reading the time. “Remind me to do so during our next class.”

Snapping out of her trance, Natalie dug into her backpack, retrieved her keys, and shifted in her seat.  It was her last class of the day and honestly, despite it being just a whole hour and a half of storytelling and mindless lectures, it was probably the most interesting and attention grabbing class up until the last ten minutes.  The reason for this was Professor Merriweather had this kink for dragging out the class as much as he could.

He was one of those professors who never dismissed class early.

“So, guys, as I attempt to drag out the last minute of this amazing class, remember you have assignments due by the end of tomorrow night. I know on the first day of class, I asked you guys if I looked like you mother and proceeded to explain that I would not remind you to do things, but right now, I am making an exception.” Pushing off the podium, Joe took a few steps and stood next to his desk. “Remember, do the quiz, it’s ten questions and has two attempts. If you somehow manage to not get a hundred the first time around, because I am such a nice professor, the correct answers appear on the second go around – it’s a little gift from me to you. And in an addition to that, start on your lengthy research papers. Don’t procrastinate it because it isn’t the easiest of topics.”

With that, half, if not most of the class took to their feet, gathered their belongings, and were on their way out the door.  Of course, there were a handful of students lingering in the classroom, waiting their turn to ask the professor a wide array of questions, but just as quick as they asked the questions, they were heading out the door as the professor finished his response.

Natalie silently lingered by Joe’s desk, one arm propped up against the edge while the other absentmindedly fiddled with her keys as she listened to the last of the questions before it was just the two of them left in the room.

“Ahh, Ms. Jankoski, what a pleasure seeing you not glancing around the classroom the entire time.” Joe greeted, turning on his heels and retreating behind the desk once more. “Before you say anything, what happened to that kid who used to sit next to you? Was he a friend or what?” He questioned, placing his hands on the back of the office chair. “I mean, he just showed up a few times in the beginning of the semester and boom, never appeared again. I figured I would ask you since it seemed as if you two talked quite often whether it be on your way to class, during class, or after class.  Don’t think I’m a creep or anything, but it’s just my years of observation skills coming out to play.” Digging a hand into his pocket, he began to fiddle with whatever items were stashed away. “I just noticed some sort of connection between the two, but once again, I’m no creep, just observing things.”  

Shaking her head, Natalie couldn’t help but give off a few fake chuckles at not only the greeting but the question as well.  The ‘kid’ he was referring to was Landon, her good for nothing ex-boyfriend.  For the past month, he was MIA in class and despite texting Natalie, explaining how he was sorry and how he would show up to the next class meeting, his actions failed to uphold his words.

Smiling, Natalie laughed once more before speaking. “Landon?” She asked, shifting on her feet, pulling her hand off his desk. “Well, I have to admit, I haven’t seen my ex since we broke up and honestly, it’s kind of great. But besides that, I don’t know where he’s been. He’s told me that he was going to come back to class, but knowing him, he’s too busy with his friends, sitting on his couch, and smoking weed. Either way, it’s not my problem, at least, not anymore.” Natalie shrugged, reeling in her lanyard until she was gripping her keys in her hand. “At this point, you might as well just drop him from the class because we all know that he’s not going to come back and it’s kind of a shame because, despite my zoning out from time to time, the class is extremely interesting due to all the stories you tell.”

Briefly, Natalie glanced down to her phone to read the time and realized only five minutes passed since the end of class up until now. Those five minutes felt far longer than just those three-hundred combined seconds. Perhaps it was due to who she was talking to. After all, speaking to a retired police officer and former FBI special agent, Natalie always felt like she was being examined and analyzed in some way.

Throughout her reply, Joe nodded along indicating that he was actually paying attention instead of simply letting the information go in through one ear and out the other.  “Well, first off, thank you for the compliment, that is, if it is a compliment.” Joe chuckled a few times and sidestepped back to the podium just a foot or so away. “Secondly, I wasn’t expecting this to get personal, but sorry to hear about the whole mess. But from what I can tell, it’s not bothering you one bit and that’s a very good thing. Focus on your studies, young lady! Don’t let a man, or in this case, a boy, take you away from your studies.” Joe chuckled, attempting to lighten up the conversation because even though she was portraying herself as a happy, young lady with her lighthearted laughs and glowing smiles, Joe knew better and could see right through the façade she was portraying. “Thirdly, I may just take your advice on dropping poor, ole’ Landon. It is a shame, paying for a class and then not showing up.  I mean, come on, we are all adults here, he should know better and act professional instead of not attending a class over a matter such as this.” Clasping his hands over the edge of the podium, Joe leaned forward. “No offense to you, but it’s not a good excuse to not show up. Tisk, tisk, to him, that right there with the addition of the whole weed smoking thing, makes me believe that a career in this field isn’t for him.”

Shrugging, Natalie glanced over to the door, watching as a student came and vanished from her view.  “Yeah…” She muttered, keeping her eyes locked on the door for a moment. “It is what it is, though.  In all honesty, it doesn’t really bother me.” Running her tongue across her bottom lip, biting down on her lip afterwards, she brought her attention back to Joe who was unwrapping a piece of gum.

“Mmm.” Joe hummed, casting a glance up in her direction. “I’m sure it doesn’t.” He added in an almost monotone voice as he continued to unwrap his gum. “But the way you’re acting tells me differently. You should know better than to lie to someone such as myself who has extensive experience in reading people.” Popping the piece of gum into his mouth, Joe glanced up, a stern expression on his face. “But like you said ‘it is what it is’.” His sternness changed back to a welcoming expression. “Here, have a piece,” Joe said, extending his hand out, offering her a piece of the red velvet gum he was chewing on. “It honestly tastes horrible and nothing like red velvet, but like you say, ‘it is what it is’. It’s probably better than chewing on your bottom lip, though.  I hope you know biting your lip is usually a sign of nervousness or deception. Plus, it’s a bad habit.” Joe flicked the gum, motioning for her to take it from him.

Running a finger against the groove of her car key, Natalie sat there in almost a shocked state. Her assumption on being studied by the older man turned out to be true.

Staring at the piece of gum, Natalie examined his hand for a moment and noticed that the ring that once claimed his ring finger was now missing.

Joe wasn’t the only observational one here.

[bigbanggot7stories]

Deluded Ch. 7 (Mark Tuan)

(1)(2)(3)(4)(5)(6)

The rest of the day was spent lounging around with the six other boys in my living room. It was so nice to finally have some friends in Korea, and even though I wasn’t as close to the other guys as I was Jackson, we were starting to see each other’s true personalities. We watched a few Korean movies, suggested by Youngjae, that the guys thought I had to see to be in tune with Korean culture.

Soon, the day passed us, and the guys went back to their dorm to get ready for the start of another work week. The rest of my night consisted of baking and monitoring snap chat for updates from Mark. When I realized what I was doing, around 11 PM, I shut my phone off and called it a night.

The next morning, I found myself sitting on the floor of a practice room, watching Got7 learn new choreography. A couple of weeks before, we had decided I would stay on as part of the Got7 team to be able to connect parts to a whole, and I was becoming more and more comfortable being in the room with Mark. He stopped giving me ugly looks, and I began to separate our past from our present. This particular day, however, I was feeling a little jealous about his date the day before. Although I was trying to be more professional when it came to Mark, I still thought he was super attractive, and I knew, if not to me, he was very compassionate person.

Lunch time was rounding the corner, and I caught Mark at the tail end of the crowd leaving the practice room.

“So, how was your date yesterday?”

“Fine, I guess. Probably would have had a better time staying in with you guys.” I whipped my head to face Mark’s profile, and I couldn’t help but feel a little smug about his date not being the best time of his life.

“Oh. Sorry, but we did have a fantastic time watching movies about…actually, I’m not entirely sure what they were about, I fell asleep hallway through all of them.”

Mark laughed and nodded his head. Although this was a weird, rare occurrence, Mark and I sharing a light-hearted conversation, it was comforting. I had heard him laugh numerous times with the rest of his members, but being the reason for his laughter was something so soothing.

“Youngjae picked them out, didn’t he? They’re usually pretty good, but not really hangover material.”

I laughed in agreement, and we silently made our way towards the entrance of the building. Today was a day I would have to fend for myself, as I told Amy I wanted to try the little restaurant down the street and she didn’t need to drive all the way across town to join me. As we stepped outside the building, Mark lightly put his hand on my forearm to grasp my attention.

“Hey, uh, Y/N, do you want to grab some lunch with me? I know I’ve been a real piece of work, but I really do want to catch up and I have some things I really would like to get off my chest. Just me and you, what do you say?” He spoke quickly and his eyes pleaded with mine as he waited for a response.

“Sure, that would be good. As long as we keep the negativity to the minimum, please. I don’t think I can handle it today,” I nervously laughed. This would be the first time, ever, that Mark and I would be alone for longer than ten minutes and able to talk to each other civilly.

“Of course, Y/N. There’s that new little restaurant down the street, if you want to try it.”

“Actually, that was my plan before you asked to have lunch,” I laughed, starting to walk in the direction of the restaurant.

The two of us caught a table at the little hole in the wall and ordered our food before starting up any conversation. If anything, it was nice to speak a little English with Mark after speaking more Korean than anything in the past couple of months.

“So…what have you been up to? You really do look good, by the way. Happy,” Mark asked hesitantly.

I thought for a second before giving him the answer that was the easiest. “I’ve been good, I guess.”

“Y/N…I really do want to know how you’ve been. I know I messed up, and I want to make it right. Please, just talk to me. I miss talking to you.” He looked sincere, and I felt my shoulders slump in defeat.

“Honestly, it was rough at the beginning. But I am happy now. I’m happy with myself, anyways. I guess I just needed to love myself, first, and be a little healthier, you know? So I started exercising more and eating right…I suppose I was doing it all in vain at first, but I really did realize that I was the only one who had the ability to mold myself into who I truly wanted to be. I don’t know, this is kind of weird,” I admitted.

“I can understand that. I’ve treated you like shit, and it wasn’t right. Even if I did have good intentions, my actions weren’t very reflective of that. I am glad, though, that you love yourself more. It really does show, you’re like, glowing now,” he chuckled.

This was all very weird, talking to Mark again. He had always been a very supportive person all that time ago, and it was dumb of me to think he wasn’t even a fraction of what he used to be. Our food arrived and we dug into the delicious Korean food I was getting accustomed to eating.

“So how do you like being here in Korea? It’s a little different than back home.”

“I really am starting to enjoy it,” I said after swallowing a spoonful of soup. “I’m learning a lot at the company, and I am maybe starting to see why my grandpa picked me for the job.”

Mark smiled a real smile before carrying on the conversation, and I was getting more comfortable being around him. We talked more about the year we had spent apart, how each of our careers were important to us, and about our families. Soon, our bowls were almost empty, and it was about time to make it back to the JYP building.

“Wait, Y/N. I have something I, uhh, wanted to tell you first. It’s about why I left your apartment back then…” he trailed off, looking up as if asking for my permission to continue.

“Mark, it really doesn’t matter anymore. I get it, you didn’t find me physically appealing. I think we should just move on.”

“No! Y/N, that wasn’t it. Actually, I…I did like the way you looked. Or, I guess I just didn’t care what your body looked like. I was honest up until that point, I promise. I was so into you, and you were—are—such an amazing person. You were beautiful, with and without makeup, you were so intelligent that it blew me away practically every time you talked about your school work, and you were always so understanding of me, even when I was so stressed that I distanced myself from you.”

He was rushing, and I knew it was because he thought I didn’t want to hear him make any more excuses. I wasn’t sure I did want to hear his excuses, but I found myself opening my mouth anyways.

“Slow down, Mark. Take your time, I’m listening.”

Mark looked up from his hands in surprise but continued.

“That night, when I went to hang out with you…I was already feeling a little anxious about it. I knew I really liked you, and I knew you really liked me, but I was scared about entering into any type of relationship, really. And when you opened the door and let me inside, I was at first so excited that I was seeing you in the flesh, but then this really ugly thoughts about what the fans and other people might think of you if they found out I was seeing you.”

At this point, my eyes were beyond watering, and I was fighting back serious tears, as one of the worst and most embarrassing nights of my life was being replayed in my mind. I grabbed a napkin and whipped at my eyes before whispering a quick apology for silently interrupting.

“And…I thought it would be easier to end everything before it even started. It wasn’t the best solution, but I had put it in my mind that I was doing what was best for you, that I was saving you a lot of trouble. I mean, dating me wouldn’t exactly have been the greatest time of your life, I still believe that to be true. I just wish I had explained it to you and made more of an effort to be in your life. Also, I need to apologize for letting you believe I hooked up with that girl. She really was just a friend, and we really did nothing but talk the entire night…about you. I was afraid. I should have told you the truth, I am so, so, so sorry, Y/N.”

He had begun to tear up as well, keeping his focus on his hands folded on top of the table. I was in shock, to say the least. I didn’t know how to even process this new information, and I wasn’t exactly sure how genuine Mark was being. Was he telling me the truth?

“And I’m sorry for being an asshole when you got here. I was just…I was so upset with myself that I took it out on you. I can’t forgive myself for letting you slip right through my fingers, and you suddenly showing up here reminded me of just how angry I am at myself. I really shouldn’t have done that to you. None of it. Y/N, I don’t know how you could ever forgive me, but I just wish we could be friends again. Even if that is the least that could happen between us.”

He was right, I didn’t know if I could forgive him. He broke my heart, and I was just starting to accept the truths I had known. Now, there was an entire other side to the story to consider, and I didn’t know if I could believe him or not. Maybe he was afraid of what the fans thought of me, but didn’t he know me well enough to know that I only cared what he thought of me? Didn’t he know that I understood his career and the negative aspects that came with it?

Maybe I wasn’t the only one who was deluded.

A/N: Sorry this took SO long to update. I had some major writers block on how to continue this story, and it took too long. I’m hoping to finish the series in the next couple of chapters, so look forward to it. Please don’t hesitate to give me some feedback!

Thanks for reading!

-A xx

[healthcaretipsblog]

There were many great films in 2017, and while most of these movies find themselves embraced as the end of the year rolls around, a few have slipped through the cracks. The following list will attempt to give these forgotten films their due, and also shine a light on some of 2017’s most interesting, challenging films that audiences (and sometimes critics) ultimately rejected. These are the Most Underrated Movies of 2017.

While most end of the year Best Of lists have a correlation that results in the same group of films ending up on multiple lists, there are outliers. These are the films that somehow have slipped through the cracks; the films that audiences and critics have forgotten. The following list of the Most Underrated Movies of 2017 does not regard a film by its arbitrary Rotten Tomatoes rating – that’s not what we’re focusing on here. Instead, we’re focusing on the movies that have somehow been rejected by audiences as a whole, or in some cases, films that have vanished from the public’s collective consciousness. There will be no finger pointing here; no blame, or shame. Instead, this list will seek to celebrate and highlight some excellent 2017 movies that haven’t received nearly as much attention or praise as they deserve.

13. Wheelman

Netflix apparently blew their 2017 advertising budget on the abysmal fantasy cop flick Bright. That’s the only way to explain why the streaming giant has done such a terrible job promoting their other, better films. This year alone Netflix released excellent original films Wormwood, First they Killed My Father and Okja, but good luck finding those particular movies when you fire up the Netflix app. That said, while those three aforementioned films have managed to receive acclaim and attention, Netflix’s Wheelman received little to no buzz.

Which is a damn shame, because it’s a highly entertaining, efficiently made action flick that’s better put together than most movies that choke up the multiplex. Like the bastard love child of Nicolas Winding Refn’s Drive and Michael Mann’s Collateral (with a little Thief thrown in for good measure), Wheelman has Frank Grillo as a getaway driver who gets in way over his head.

Wheelman spans the course of one night, and takes place almost entirely within the front seat of Grillo’s car. This may not sound entirely appealing, yet Wheelman is full of surprises that keep the premise constantly afloat. Also helping matters is Grillo, who turns in an intense, quick-thinking performance that channels a young Robert De Niro. Wheelman eventually shifts one gear too many in its third act, but these few minor sins are forgivable because everything that came before them is so much damn fun. Next time you’re scrolling through Netflix, try to find this film – it’s buried on the platform somewhere.

12. xXx: The Return of Xander Cage

We certainly didn’t need another xXx sequel. And I doubt anyone was clamoring for the return of Xander Cage, one of Vin Diesel’s least memorable characters. Yet xXx: The Return of Xander Cage is so gloriously goofy and unapologetically over-the-top that you can’t help but fall for this flick. xXx: The Return of Xander Cage opens with Diesel’s super spy skiing down a (snow-free) mountain to steal a WiFi signal, and only gets more ludicrous from there.

There certainly is some semblance of plot here, but it doesn’t matter, at all. Instead, The Return of Xander Cage is just an excuse to stage one stupid-yet-entertaining action set piece after another. You want a motorcycle chase sequence where the motorcycle wheels turn into jet skis so that the chase can continue across the ocean? You’ve got it. You want a scene where a sniper is thwarted by a DJ’s sick record spinning moves? Here you go!  You want to watch Toni Collette ham it up big time while likely collecting a big paycheck? Watch this movie!

Diesel’s Xander Cage is the least-interesting element here, but that’s okay, because the film surrounds him with super-cool supporting characters played by super-cool actors, including Tony Jaa, who gets to bob his head to music at a funeral, and Ruby Rose, who doesn’t have a whole lot to do but still looks incredibly badass anyway. xXx: The Return of Xander Cage is without a doubt one of the most entertaining movies of 2017.

11. Stronger

On paper, Stronger looked like another hagiography; a film that treated a real-life person like a marble saint, void of flaws, trotted out to wave a flag and provide little to no insight. But David Gordon Green‘s biopic focusing on Boston Marathon bombing survivor Jeff Bauman is a surprisingly honest, warts-and-all look at a flawed individual going through a traumatic experience.

Rather than present Bauman as a straight-up hero, Green’s Stronger instead takes care to reveal how ordinary, and even flawed, the real Bauman was before the bombing. After the bombing costs Bauman his legs, he suffers from intense PTSD that he at first refuses to even acknowledge. This decision begins to play hell with his life, and his relationship with his girlfriend.

Jake Gyllenhaal, one of the best actors working right now, plays Bauman, and he’s remarkable. This is an intense, difficult part to play, and Gyllenhaal nails every single facet of it, from Bauman’s working class Bostonite life before the bombing, to his traumatic recovery in the aftermath. Gyllenhaal is matched turn for turn by Tatiana Maslany, playing Bauman’s long-suffering girlfriend. Gyllenhaal’s performance, filled with big, emotional moments recreating painful scenarios, is the more front-and-center of the two, but Maslany’s subtle, sad performance still shines through.

It would’ve been very easy to turn Stronger into a cheap, sentimental, blemish-free portrait of Jeff Bauman. Instead, Green and screenwriter John Pollono created something far more interesting, and more realistic. Their film deserves more attention because of it.

10. Wonderstruck

I never thought we’d have a year where Todd Haynes would make a new movie and cinephiles would regard it with a shrug, yet here we are. I guess it makes sense that the hell year that is 2017 would be the one that has apparently no real time for Haynes’ charming Wonderstruck, but maybe folks in 2018 will give it the attention it deserves.

Haynes tells the story of two children from two different eras: Rose (Millicent Simmons), a deaf girl living in 1927, and Ben (Oakes Fegley), a boy living in 1977. Both children run away from home on their own individual quests, and little by little, Haynes and the screenplay by Brian Selznick (adapting his own book) reveal the ways these stories connect. This is a charming, gorgeous movie, with an altogether lovely score from Carter Burwell.

Haynes and cinematographer Edward Lachman portray each individual era with stark visual styles – a black and white, silent movie feel for the ’20s, a washed-out, grainy vibe for the ’70s  – making Wonderstruck a feast for the eyes. In addition to all of this, young actress Millicent Simmonds is something of a revelation – put her in more movies. ASAP. Honestly, I’m kind of at a loss as to why Wonderstruck has been virtually ignored. Is it too simplistic? Perhaps. But that doesn’t make the movie any less special.

9. It Comes at Night

While most critics reacted positively to Trey Edward Shults‘ haunting, disturbing end-of-the-world drama It Comes At Night, the film underperformed at the box office and earned itself a dreaded D Cinemascore. Most of the film’s failure to connect with audiences was blamed on the marketing: trailers for this A24-released indie touted it as a straight-up horror movie with supernatural themes.

While It Comes At Night is without question a horror film, its horrors are more cerebral and internalized than your standard jump-scare laden scary movie. The film is also unrelentingly bleak, with no real hope to grasp onto. In a year that already felt plenty hopeless to begin with, audiences were likely not in the mood for the misery that Shults was selling.

Now that the film’s release has come and gone, it’s time for audiences to give it a chance (it’s currently streaming on Amazon Prime Video). Yes, It Comes At Night is bleak to the extreme, but it’s also a finely tuned instrument of anxiety – a jarring, unnerving nightmare movie that’s highly effective and full of lingering existential dread. It’s not going to be for everyone, but if you’re willing to give in to It Comes At Night‘s unpleasantness, you’ll find one of the best films of the year.

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