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hereliesbitches--me · 5 years ago

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Dating Rosie :

Pros:

You got yourself an actual Neko Waifu

She is rich so shes basically your sugar mama too thatll take care of you because she can. Make you dress nice, probably fix a lot of broken shit in your house, buy you groceries. All that jazz. She likes to help.

She is a Milf thatll never age on you

Shes also hispanic therefore can cook you a bombass dinner no matter what. She also keeps the house clean

Dating an actual celestial goddess who is dominion of the night and the keepers of souls. You got yourself a cryptid wife

Wanna be a werewolf? Vampire? Something supernatural of the night? Moon mom is able to grant those abilities and take them away whenever you want.

Once you have her in love, shes undyingly devoted and loyal to a fault. To a level you can do some bad shit and she would still defend you because of blind love. All she'll want is your approval and love.

Would make you a music box to show her love

If you want to be a family, shes on board. All shes ever wanted was to feel normal with a family. She has kids and she would love for them to have 2 parents instead of just her.

Will tear the world apart to protect you. #FuckThePolice Very little she wouldnt do to make you happy, she will throw hands with anyone for your sake. Will wrap up in her wings and curl her tail around you whenever she can bcuz she loves you and needs you to know.

Would kill for you or help you hide a body. She has experience

Fully capable of altering your traumatic memories and erasing them for you if you wanted to really make that pain go away.

Sex wise, once shes got you, it’ll be hard to get her off you. She needs the physical intimacy to solidy and verbalize her feelings, and let her know that you still find her desirable. So her libido tends to shoot through the roof once shes settled in, helps her think better. Will literally have a deep conversation with u while at it cuz it helps the thought process.

She has heats every 4 months for about 10 days, hope ya up for that.

She cares more about your orgasm than her own. Its mental satisfaction for her to make her partner feel good and in turn it satisfies her.

When it comes to orgasms, this woman is skilled. She will suck the the soul out of your body, or eat you out to another plain of existence. Those powers of her are more than just for battle, it makes for one hell of an outer body experience as she works at your soul just as much as your body. Who needs a masseuse when you can kill 2 birds with one stone for the ultimate high and relaxing experience. You'll come back like it's a drug fix

Would def be willing to experiment in the bedroom, also willing to have sex in risky public places for the thrill of it .

Will love you until the end of time , worship you like her savior, until you don't want her anymore. Will probably try to find a way to keep your soul with her even in death

Would probably stay with you, even if you treat her like shit, because shes in love.

Loves chocolate milk , puns, cuddles, and kisses. Would probably kiss you on national television.

Cons:

Shes mentally unstable. Has undiagnosed bipolar disorder. She suffered severe PTSD from a history of physical, sexual, and emotional abuse on multitude of occasions, and much of her pros and search for love stems from these things. She loves passionately, but she is nonetheless a sick person that struggles with herself more than anything. Almost always paranoid and distrusting of any situation she doenst have control over.

She has a form of DID that has toned down a lot, but shows itself under extreme stress. Might catch glimpses of these alters by sudden change in her personality and how they adapt to situations. She can be childlike, she can be cold, she can be inconsolable and hollowed out depressed, she can be angry and violent. Though rare, it can happen.

Emotionally dependent on her partner for stability. She has lost many people who come in and out of her life, shes always felt alone and to have someone means she clings on desperately for one good thing in a mess of tragedy. She Carries the world on her shoulders so she looks to her partner for understanding to help her not fall apart.

Needs consistent confirmation that she is cared for and loved. Even if it's a subtle way.she just needs a sign at least once a day

It's difficult to make her truly fall in love and open herself entirely. She keeps many secrets and you just need to accept that until shes ready. She is heavily guarded and may reject multiple times

It may take a while before she is comfortable in letting you touch her. Much of the time she guided and in control of it, has a particular discomfort with any hand between her legs until she totally trusts someone.

You will have to accept that she is a killer, and will always be a killer when its needed. It's a bad habit she cant break like an addiction, but she has curbed it to only out of necessity. Or in times of severe emotional distress

If she ever does open up, you have to accept her dirty past as a part of who she was to who she Is now.

Shes a workaholic. She manages the Angels and their missions, the legal stuff of managing the Angels, her family, and herself. She works long hours and splits herself up to give time to everyone, and it's not uncommon that she stays up late into the night researching and filling reports.

Suffers nightmares that may make her talk or thrash in her sleep. Sleeps with a knife or gun always in reach

If you dont like kids, you aren't shit to her. Her family will always come before any lover.

Ya gotta be accepted by her family and her familiars, otherwise you cant be part of it and she would never go against her family's feelings.

Your life will always be in peril because of the nature of her work, and you are a exploitable weakness. She has many enemies

Gotta deal with many oddities of the connection she has. Including dead people that regularly go through the mirror to hang out in her house, who she says are friends. Also a demon shes owned by

Rest in fucking peace if you have a cat hair allergy because she sheds like a bitch, even if she regularly brushes and trims her tail.

Break her heart and she will either be self destructive or wipe your existence to get you out of her head (aka, she'll kill you and make it look like an accident, or no one would find the body)

If you cheat on her, she'd kill your lover and probably castrate/mutilate you in her devastation and disgust. Could absolutely eat your heart out

Tagged by: @maxskulline Thank you for exposing my gril

Tagging: @thewhitepoison @draconicmatriarch @trickshxt @visiblekindness @burmecias-protector @blucspidcr @starkarmored and anyone else who wants to take a crack at it!! :)))

#:headcanons:#oh shes sweet but a psycho~ a little but psycho~!#lmao do yall still thing the pros are worth the con #to be fair the cons are in very extreme cases of getting on her bad side #This is main verse Rosie and Moon Rosie when she rememebers who she is #Now lets see what yall think #let the cute cat picture distract u

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oriphine · 6 years ago

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The Perfect Way to Start a Morning

Your day starts off as pure, relaxing bliss.

Then Sans turns it into the kind of morning that only Sans can bring.

Read it on AO3!

As the morning sun fanned faintly through the bedroom blinds, your eyes fluttered open, the light casting bars of golden sunshine onto your relaxed, blanketed form. It was with a smile that you closed your eyes again, a contented sigh escaping you as you stretched your arms and legs. The birds were chirping a cheerful little melody from outside, and you found yourself incredibly thankful that it was your day off so you could take your time to enjoy such a beautiful morning.

The question of what time it was briefly entered your mind, and as much as you wanted to stay in this moment of peace, your curiosity eventually got the best of you. Blindly reaching across the side of the bed, your hand smacked your end table a few times before your fingers finally found, and were able to grasp, your cellphone. Dragging it up to eye level, you winced as your eyes tried to adjust to the screen's brightness, before finally getting to see the time. 9:22. While you had certainly slept in well past the time you would normally get up for work, it still wasn't late enough that you felt as though you had to get up, as opposed to enjoying the cozy warmth of your bed a little longer. You made the decision to lay in bed just for a few more minutes, playing a couple apps until you decided you were awake enough to brave getting up.

A couple games later, you finally began to concede that perhaps you should begin your day. You took a moment to figure out what it was you wanted to do first upon getting out of bed, eventually settling on preparing yourself a nice warm breakfast; something to celebrate such a beautiful day for relaxing. You swiped your finger across your phone's screen to close your game, and were about to turn your screen off entirely when your phone vibrated with a text.

Bonehead: what do you call it when someone is doing a good job at being sad at a funeral

You forced yourself to bite back a giggle as your fingers typed your reply, silently shaking your head at your boyfriend's antics. Of course he would start the day off like this.

You: I don't know, what do you call it? Bonehead: good mourning

You groaned and covered your face with your palm, failing to cover up the snickers that fell through.

You: You're absolutely awful Bonehead: no im sans You: Stop it! Bonehead: you cant make me You: I so can Bonehead: nuh uh You: Yes!! Bonehead: nope You: You just watch me! Bonehead: id like to thnx

You felt your face grow warm before shoving it into your pillow, groaning before you let a grin split your face. No matter how terrible Sans' jokes were, you were still a sucker for them. And him, to be honest, but you would never admit that quite as easily. You rose from your pillow suffocation as your phone vibrated again.

Bonehead: whats for breakfast You: Who said I was going to make you anything? Bonehead: cmon Bonehead: you gotta You: I don't have to do anything! Bonehead: if you dont ill starve Bonehead: thatll be it for me Bonehead: plz dont make me starve You: The first thing you say to me this morning is a joke like that and you expect me to make you food? Maybe you deserve to starve Bonehead: you wouldnt Bonehead: you loaf me You: ...you get nothing!!! Bonehead: cmon ur just salty Bonehead: plz listen to raisin You: No you did this to yourself! You're the one who got yourself into this jam! Bonehead: that was intentional right

It was. You would never tell him that.

You: I'll make you breakfast under one condition Bonehead: ill do anything You: Actually talk to me!! I'm lying right beside you ya dingus Bonehead: hey you coulda spoke up at any time Bonehead: this isnt all on me

You allowed yourself to heartily laugh this time, gently tossing your phone onto the bed beside you and turning over to face the lazybones you called your boyfriend. Sans grinned back at you from across his shoulder, turning over toward you in kind. Arms reaching to wrap around him gently, you pressed a gentle kiss to his mouth before snuggling into his clothed shoulder as he pressed his teeth to your hair.

"Good morning, smart ass." You mumbled against his shirt, closing your eyes to properly enjoy the feeling of his warm hug. Breathing in deeply, you could smell all the little scents that made him so unique; it made you felt at home. After allowing yourself a moment to enjoy being with him, you pulled away to look into his eye lights, pretending to glare as you did. "Make your case for why I should share any of what I make."

"Cause I'll get up and keep you company instead of just laying in here while you do it. Maybe I'll even set the table while you're not looking. Who knows? It's a crazy world out there." Sans grinned easily at you, and a wink of one of his eye sockets was enough to make you break your faux anger, grinning up at him in return.

"Yeah, okay, you got a deal. I'll go get the oven started." You wouldn't concede quite so easily though. A little bit of teasing was still in order. Making a show of grabbing your phone, you moved to make it look like you were going back to your side of the bed to get up, but instead you straddled him, taking your sweet time and shooting him a wink before you clambered off his side of the bed. As you padded out of the room, you made sure to do your best to look good doing it. Sans let out a low chuckle as he turned to kick his own legs off the side of the bed.

"You know, if you're trying to start something like that, you'll have to crumb back here." He heard your footsteps down the hall stop abruptly, before starting back toward the bedroom, heavier and more hurriedly than before. Your face peered around the door frame, eyes nearly shut with how hard you were squinting at him through your scowl.

"If I crumb any closer, I'm going to beet you with your own damn pillow."

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it!

Based on uhmmmsweetie.tumblr.com’s prompt

3. Good night & good morning texts 💙 but the otp+ share a bed and get up around the same time. Really you don’t have to do that, just use your mouth.

Feel free to send me a request! I would be happy to write for you!

#sans x reader #reader insert #undertale #sans

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dangkinronpa · 7 years ago

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positivity for tsumugi who is disliked by all of her peers and routinely insulted

ur positivity is under the cut tsumugi

tsumugi, i want to start off by saying that ive been in a situation similar to urs before, and i know that it can be really tough to be insulted by a lot of people around u. it makes u feel gross and like ur not a good person; things that u dont deserve to feel. ur a great person and u dont deserve to be insulted, and i hope that all of this stops happening so that things can start getting a little bit better for u. being insulted and teased isnt fun, and i know how it feels, so please know that theres someone out there who wants the best for u and for all of this to stop. not only that, but please try to keep in mind that things will get better and it wont always be like this

first of all, i want to start off by saying that the insults and hatred u get from ur peers wont last forever, and that maybe in a few years ull be in a much better place and that this wont be affecting ur life anymore. i know that during middle and high school people didnt like me (and would insult me while i was in the room and pretend i wasnt there), but at this point ive noticed that most people are too busy with their own lives and dont have time to worry about what im doing. and hopefully thatll be how things work out for u too! so while it might be hard to right now, please try to think about how this wont last forever and that this is something that will pass. a major reason why people insult and bully others is because of their own insecurities, and they like to pick on others who they perceive as weak, so just try ur best to take everything with grace and show them that their words dont bother u. after a while, theyll find something else to do

even though this wont last forever, though, i know that it can be pretty hard to deal with in the present, and im sorry that things are so bad for u right now. if ur finding that things are hard to bear, please try to find a friend and talk to them about everything thats happening in ur life. it might feel awkward at first, and im really sorry if it does, but i know that just talking to someone and getting it off of ur chest can help u feel a little bit better. if u dont want to bring this up with someone u know, though, then u could always keep a little journal that u use to vent, so that u can get it off of ur chest without worrying about how others might react to what u say. no matter what, though, it might be best for u to get everything off of ur chest and then take a little bit of time to relax, whether that be by finding new music u like or indulging in something that u enjoy. whatever u do, try to be nice to urself to make up for others being mean to u

while i can understand that u might want to try and deal with this on ur own, though, please know that theres no shame in asking for help from someone who knows how to deal with the situation. for instance, if ur in school then know that theres no shame in asking ur parents or a teacher to help u with the situation, since nobody deserves to be routinely insulted. it might feel a little awkward reaching out to these people for help, but in the long run it might be worth it to know that somebody is out there trying to help u and doing the best that they can for u. remember, none of whats happening to u is actually ur fault, and that u dont deserve whats happening to u. just keep hanging in there, and im sure that things will get better for u soon

tsumugi, im really sorry to hear that people have been treating u so poorly, and i hope that things start getting a little better for u soon. i know that it can really hurt to be insulted like that, but trust me when i say that ur a wonderful person who deserves good things in life. things are going to get better, even if it doesnt feel like it right now; just keep holding on and ull see people care less about u and more about their own lives. until things get better, though, i think its important to remember that u dont have to go through any of this alone and that im here for u. hopefully ull start being treated better soon

please stay safe tsumugi, and if u want someone to talk to im always here

- mod kaede

#tsumugi shirogane kin #shirogane tsumugi kin #positivity

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shsl-dangan-kins · 8 years ago

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I know requests are closed, but this is Naegi again, and you said you'd be willing to make me a self-care? I totally understand if you don't want to but I think it would really. Help. At this point. My panic attacks are getting worse and I had one because of stress earlier regarding a con we're both going to and it sent Kirigiri over the edge again even though I apologized after it had passed. I can't remember a lot of what goes on during my panic attacks and can't control them either (1/2)

But she seemed pretty adamant about the whole no more fighting thing even though this was a short term problem and I was willing to look at other options after it had passed and I just. I really need to work on stopping my attacks before they get to the stage where I can't control them. Anything, distractions, stress relievers, I need something so I stop hurting both of us. I'm so scared right now, I got her to agree to wait until after the con to make a decision (so two weeks) but I still (2/2)

I'm just really scared especially because there's a very big chance I'll do something stupid at the con when my anxiety or my jealousy acts up and I don't want that to happen. I've already ruined the one last chance she gave me a week ago and when she was here this past weekend I started crying one night because I started wondering if this was the last night I'd get to spend with her in my arms. I'm sorry this is so long, if you can't do self care or positivity, it's nice knowing that (3/2)

someone read this and I was able to get it out somewhere. -sincerely, the naegi anon

positivity under the cut naegi

first of all, im glad to hear from you again -- im just sorry it had to be like this.

ahh, you a had a panic attack.. and it was the kind where you black out?? thats. really rough naegi. those are terrifying, in my opinion, because you dont know what you did or why people are upset with you. its terrible.

take some deep breaths, naegi. it sounds like a lot of stress for sure, so i can easily see why youre upset, and thats exactly why i want you to try soothing yourself. anything that helps you, do it. play some relaxing classical, play with a fidget toy, do some breathing exercises, whatever you can, both now and when youre feeling panicked. please, please keep trying to soothe yourself, as itll help not only you but also kirigiri.

im sure shes upset because she feels powerless?? and wants to help you, but doesnt know how at this point. its scary, being in that position. it can feel hopeless. or maybe she knows how to help and keeps doing that, but shes afraid it isnt helping anymore -- thats also a terrible feeling. whatever the case, you both are struggling deeply and thats okay. its normal. and im glad she said no more fighting?? because to me that sounds like she desperately wants to hang on to what you have and make it work. she wants this still. shes just tired and unsure and doesnt know what to do, i think. try not to worry about it being your “last night” together, because thatll only drive things deeper!!

this is less positivity as it is advice aaa im sorry naegi;; but just?? please remember that youre not alone in this and you are not the only one to feel this kind of thing. separation anxiety is terrible and real and you are not alone. itll be okay, naegi. it will.

ill get started on your self-care right away!! emergency self care is always open too dont worry is there anything in particular that helps you?? particular colors you like?? let me know!! also currency aa

i hope this helped at least a little?? im rooting for you naegi!!

#positivity #mod ko #naegi anon #anon #ask

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arplis · 5 years ago

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Arplis - News: 50 Housewarming Party Gift Ideas for Brand-New Homeowners

Moving into a new home is a whirl of excitement and anxiety. Around 5.46 million homes are expected to sell in 2020. Thats a lot of people starting a new chapter in their lives and feeling like a nervous wreck!

If youre invited to a housewarming party, your friend or relative is eager to share their happiness with you. Knowing what to bring can get tricky. You dont want to give a dud gift.

New homeowners often find themselves low on funds and overloaded with stress. Housewarming party gifts are the perfect way to help out, whether with decorations or something more practical that they can use every day.

If youre shopping around for ideas for housewarming party gifts, youre in luck. Weve interviewed the top experts in their field and scoured the internet to compile this in-depth guide on housewarming party gifts, broken down into categories for your browsing convenience!

Source: (Ani Kolleshi/ Unsplash)

The tradition of housewarming and gifting

The history of housewarming has its origins in medieval times. Its name stems from (what else?) warming up the house.

In those days, a home usually held a central hearth that heated all the rooms. As a way of celebration and welcome for a newly-moved-in family, the community gathered at the home and lit the fire, warming the house.

The practice of housewarming spans the entire world.

In 1600s France, housewarmings exist as pendaison de crmaillre. This is French for hanging of the chimney hook.

The hook on the chimney of a medieval French home came as the final installation. This hook served as the fixture for a pot to hang from and warm over the fire.

French tradition dictated a house was only officially finished once the chimney hook was installed. Then a chimney-hook party (housewarming party) was held.

The tradition of giving housewarming gifts is a longstanding one that continues even today. Show you care and congratulate a new homeowner with one of our gift ideas.

Gifts to give

Housewarming party gifts are a thoughtful tradition meant to welcome someone into their new home. It can also be the perfect way to welcome a new person into the close-knit community of a neighborhood.

Americans love to give, too. In 2019, we spent an average of $1,000 on holiday gifts alone. Knowing what to buy for a person can get tricky, though.

If theyre a local couple, I like to give gift certificates to breweries. If its a family with children, then something family-oriented, like a badminton set or outdoor games make for great housewarming gifts, says Lisa Gasper, a top-selling agent in Williamsburg, Virginia, who has sold more than 81% more homes in the area than the average agent.

When shopping, take into consideration whether this is the persons first home or if theyre an older married couple moving into a smaller home. If theyre a first-time homebuyer, they usually need the basics still for their house, says Gasper. Older couples are often downsizing, so gift certificates are good in that scenario.

As far as items to avoid, Gasper suggests no adult humor, political statements, or religious items. The last thing you want to do is upset someone with your gift.

Traditional gifts

Here weve rounded up classic gifts steeped in tradition and symbolism.

1. Salt

Salt has held significance and value since ancient times. Once, it was so valuable it was even used as currency. The gift of salt represents wealth.

Bring an artisanal bamboo salt chest ($130) filled with 24 different kinds of gourmet salt to help spice up their cooking.

2. Broom

Some customs say you shouldnt bring an old broom to a new home. This is why a brand new broom makes an excellent housewarming party gift. While the thought of buying a broom as a present may not seem thrilling, who says a broom has to be boring? Bring a handmade rainbow broom ($59.98) thatll brighten a room as its swept.

3. Bread

The tradition of giving bread has both Jewish and Russian origins. Jewish customs say bread represents hospitality. Russian folklore includes a villager presenting dignitaries with bread. Its meant to symbolize the hope for long lasting good health. Offer a bread basket ($65) filled with freshly baked, homemade loaves of bread.

Source: (Ales Krivec/ Unsplash)

4. Knives

Should you buy knives, or is that in poor taste? Superstition states that giving a knife as a present will sever the friendship between you and the recipient.

However, taping a penny to the knife is considered a way around this. The recipient must then remove the penny and return it to you as a way of showing symbolic payment.

Give the new homeowner a set of cosmos knives ($49.95) so they can enjoy space while prepping dinner!Plants

When a person first moves into a home, it can feel empty and impersonal. Thats why plants make a great gift.

Plants give a burst of color to any home, says Alex Gottlob, owner of Gottlob Lawn & Landscape. The business was founded in 1999 and has been delighting Kansans with artful landscaping ever since. He went on to say, A home with plants just feels more inviting.

5. Houseplants

For a houseplant as a housewarming gift, Gottlob recommends either a philodendron ($58) or an airplane plant, also known as a spider plant ($15). He went on to add that both houseplants are well-known for being easy to care for, flourishing indoors in indirect light.

Source: (Joanna Wishard/ Unsplash)

6. Mason jar gardens

Versatile and beautiful, mason jars ($32.99) are perfect for a window-sill herb garden. Theyll dress up any home and provide the recipient with delicious herbs for home-cooked meals.

7. Bulbs

Flowers bring vibrant colors and sweet floral scents to a home. A flower bulb ($13.95) is a great housewarming gift because it lets the recipient enjoy watching the flower slowly grow and bloom. Bring the bulb of some delicate Paperwhite flowers, and the homeowner can enjoy their sweet musk through winter.

8. Flower pots

Every indoor flower needs a container to rest in. Containers are also a practical gift, allowing the recipient to choose what theyll plant in it for themselves. Bring a personalized flower pot ($36.99) so they can show the world who they are.

9. Flower arrangement

A well-done floral arrangement can increase the aesthetic of a room all by itself. Bring a colorful bouquet ($49.99) in a tasteful vase to help the homeowner dress up their home. Every time the recipient sees the flower arrangement and stops to enjoy their aroma, theyll be reminded of the fun they had at the housewarming party.

Food

Everyone loves food, and its a longtime gift staple. Help a homeowner stock their spice pantry and cabinets by gifting something delicious.

10. Wine/beer/liquor

Just as neighbors once brought gifts of food over to a new home to be shared at the gathering, so too did friends bring drinks like wine. Pair a bottle of wine with a rainbow winged corkscrew opener ($15.99) to create the perfect gift set.

Source: (Thomas Picauly/ Unsplash)

11. Olive oil/vinegar

Olive oil and vinegar are timeless gifts. Together they represent good health and well-being. Give the happy new homeowner a cruet to hold their olive oil and vinegar ($18.99).

12. Coffee/tea

Who doesnt enjoy a bit of caffeine? The days are long, and everyone needs a little pick-me-up now and then. Whether its coffee or tea the homeowner prefers as their drink of choice, you cant go wrong with a gift box of gourmet coffee and artisan loose-leaf tea ($46).

13. Gift sets (cookie mixes, etc.)

If you arent certain what kind of sweets the person likes, then a gift set may be the best choice. Show up with a gift set box ($54.99) of cookies, brownies, caramels, and popcorn, and its bound to include something thatll appeal to the homeowner.

14. Something fresh-baked

Who doesnt like cake? The real question is what kind of cake the homeowner might like best. Offer a cake sampler ($42.95) of chocolate mousse cake, carrot cake, cookies and cream cake, and more to treat their tastebuds to an exciting adventure.

Local love

Supporting local businesses helps a community thrive and gives new homeowners a chance to explore parts of their city theyve maybe never seen before.

15. Gift card to a restaurant

Whether the homeowner is a longtime local or new to the city, a gift card to a nearby restaurant is always a great gift.

Moving into a home is stressful and takes lots of work. Therell be nights where cooking dinner feels like too much of a hassle. Treat them to a night off.

If the recipient is single, go with a $25 gift card. If its a couple, choose a $50 gift card to cover the price of a meal for two.

Source: (Nick Hillier/ Unsplash)

16. Gift card for a cleaning service

Things have a way of getting hectic when you move into a new home. Laundry and dusting can sneak up on you and turn into a mountain of work in a few short weeks. Offer a gift card to a local cleaning service to help the homeowner out. Anywhere between $150 to $250 will cover a 3-bedroom, 2000 square foot home.

17. Gift certificate to a spa

Everyone deserves to be pampered every now and then. Moving into a house has a way of stressing you out. Too much stress, and youll find yourself with a stick neck and shoulders or even a headache. Gift the new homeowner a spa trip so they can disappear for a day and relax. Around $100 will cover a standard individual treatment.

18. Gift certificate to a local brewery

Not only is visiting a local brewery a great way to support your community, but its nice to get out and enjoy a few drinks unique to your region. Gift the homeowner a gift certificate to a local brewery so they can kick back and relax with a beer. The cost of beer varies drastically, but anywhere between $20 and $40 will get a few beers and a meal.

19. Local theater voucher

Almost everyone loves movies. In 2019, around 75% of the U.S. population saw a movie at least once. Offer the homeowner a voucher to a local theater so they can get out and enjoy the latest blockbuster. Movie tickets for two are around $20.

Kitchenwares

Every meal starts with common household kitchenware. Help an aspiring chef stock their appliances with these tasteful gift ideas.

20. Cheese boards

Help the new homeowner create the perfect meat and cheese spread by gifting them a cheese board ($55). Go above and beyond and make it a gift set that includes cheeses and meats too.

21. Food storage containers

Sometimes, there will be leftovers from dinner. Or maybe the homeowner will cut up some fruit and need a container to keep it in. Help them out with their kitchen organization and buy some food storage containers ($64.99).

22. Cookbooks

Sometimes its hard coming up with ideas for what to have for dinner. Other times you just feel like experimenting with a new dish. Help the new homeowner out with gathering recipes by giving a cookbook. There are hundreds upon hundreds of cookbooks ($15-$20) out there, so the skys the limit for what you can choose.

23. Kitchen towels

Everyone washes their hands or dries their dishes. Help bring fun and color to the recipients kitchen with a personalized hand towel ($12.95).

Source: (Taylor Vick/ Unsplash)

24. Mugs

When the homeowner wakes in the morning after a long day of moving furniture and boxes into the house, theyll likely need some coffee or tea to help wake them up. Gift a beautiful custom mug with their name on it ($21.58) to add a personal touch.

25. Fridge fresheners

Given all the various foodstuffs that are kept in a fridge, and sometimes how the air can turn stale, a fridge sometimes starts to smell. A refrigerator freshener ($13.99) will keep a fridge smelling brand new and keep bad odors at bay for months.

26. Microwave cleaners

Its normal for heated foods and drinks to splatter inside a microwave. All kinds of stains can build up inside a microwave in a few short days. Gift a microwave cleaner ($6.99) thatll release steam to loosen difficult messes and deodorize smells.

27. Cocktail shakers

Give the new homeowner a cocktail shaker ($21.59) so they can mix drinks like a professional. With a cocktail shaker, they can shake themselves a fun drink. Take it a step further and have the shakers personalized with their last name.

28. Mixing bowls

If the homeowner plans to ever cook, theyll need mixing bowls ($35.99). Choose a mixing bowl set that comes with airtight lids so they can double as containers for leftovers.

For the living room

The living room is one of the more important parts of a home. Its a communal area for friends and family to gather and hang out. Use one of these gift ideas to help a homeowner cozy up their living room.

29. Blankets

Who doesnt like to cuddle under a warm blanket while watching movies or reading a book? Give the homeowner a personalized blanket ($15) to congratulate them on the new home. Have it inscribed with a custom message commemorating their housewarming party to turn the blanket into a memento.

Source: (Kelly Sikkema/ Unsplash)

30. Wall art

When you first move into a home, the walls tend to be a little bare. Help the homeowner decorate by gifting them wall art ($11.99) that is beautiful enough to be a centerpiece.

31. Candles

The symbolism behind a candle is clear. When you light a candle, youre casting out darkness. Its good luck to light a candle on the first night in a new home to help ensure evil stays away. A Sacred Smudge candle ($9.71) will not only add beautiful decor to a new home with its mix of crystals and herbs but also ward off negative energies.

32. Coffee table books

If you know the new homeowner is a bibliophile, then displaying a book with a beautiful cover makes for a perfect gift. Not only are coffee table books gorgeous aesthetics on their own, but theyre also a thoughtful gift. To get ideas, browse these lists on Read it Forward and Brightly for highly anticipated 2020 releases. The average cost of a hardcover book is in the $20 range.

33. Coasters

Theres something extra irritating about the grayish watermark rings caused by sweating drinks. Give the new homeowner a pair of black agate coasters ($23.19) to ward off the pesky stains.

34. Tree ornaments

Many people follow a tradition of buying a new Christmas tree ornament to represent special occasions or mark the passage of a year. Get the homeowner a personalized ornament ($20) to commemorate moving into the new house.

Decorative and home-focused

Its nice to spruce up a home with decorations that are also useful. Help make a homeowners life a little easier with these thoughtful decor pieces.

35. Personalized welcome mat

No one likes the outside getting tracked all over the inside of the house. Not only that, but a welcome mat doubles as a great statement piece. Its one of the first things a visitor will see. Gift the new homeowner a personalized monogram doormat ($19.99) to make it really special.

36. A keychain for their new key

It seems like you can never have enough keychains to hold the dozens of keys you end up collecting over the years. The compass is still as useful now as it was hundreds of years ago back when it was invented in ancient China. Be helpful and gift a useful compass keychain ($21.98) for the key to the new house. Now theyll never lose their house key, nor their way in the world.

37. Return address stamp

Sometimes, its tedious to have to write out your address on an envelope. Even more so if you run a business from your home or need to send out lots of letters for a special occasion. Give the new homeowner a custom return address stamp ($19.54) with beautiful calligraphy and typeset.

38. Door hangers

Like with the doormat, a door hanger is one of the first details a visitor will notice about a home. Gift a gorgeous wooden sign to hang from the door ($55.99) that says Home Sweet Home.

39. House numbers

In all the rush and workload involved with moving into a new home, house numbers to help show the address are often overlooked and forgotten. Give a wooden address sign with a planter box ($49). Itll allow the homeowner to display their address and decorate with plants and holiday themes.

Source: (Ian Kirkland/ Unsplash)Just for fun

Not every gift needs to be practical. Show your fun side by choosing one of these more entertaining housewarming party gifts.

40. Board games

Who doesnt love playing board games? Bring a classic board game as a gift and deliver a bit of nostalgia to the recipient. The average cost for most board games is around $20.

Source: (Micha Parzuchowski/ Unsplash)

41. Kids toy chest

If you have kids, you know the struggle of finding places to store the multitude of toys and stuffed animals. If the new homeowners have kids of their own, give the gift of a toy chest ($75).

42. Pet treats

Our animal companions are as close to us as family. Dont overlook the presence of pets if the homeowners have any. Bring over some delectable pet treats for their cat ($2) or dog ($14), and youll surely be in the furry companions good graces.

43. Bath products

Everyone enjoys taking a luxurious hot bath every once in a while. Its a great way to relax sore muscles too. Give the homeowner some bath bombs ($35) to encourage them to treat themselves with a peaceful soak.

Practical

For the more serious homeowner, this list of down-to-earth gifts will be sure to please.

44. Tool kit

A new home comes with new responsibilities. Repairs will eventually crop up, and then tools will be essential for certain tasks. A tool kit ($59.99) makes a great gift for a new homeowner.

45. Fire extinguisher

Nothing says you care about their safety like gifting a fire extinguisher ($19.98). Itll be one of those gifts the homeowner will hope never to have to use, but be grateful for should the need ever arise.

46. Doorstops

Sometimes, you need the door held wide open while youre busy carrying in the groceries or moving in a large piece of furniture. Hodor from Game of Thrones deserved better, but everyone can agree he held the door like a champ. This Hodor doorstop ($23) is a perfect housewarming gift for the Game of Thrones fan.

47. Bookends

For the book-loving homeowner, a bookend makes a great housewarming gift as a statement piece. A diorama bookend ($169) adds a creative flair to any bookshelf.

48. Grocery lists

Everyone goes grocery shopping. Most of us need a grocery list if we dont want to forget something important. An organized grocery list notepad ($16.25) makes a thoughtful gift for a housewarming present.

49. Calendars

Life can get hectic, and a calendar helps us stay organized and remember important dates. Bring a wall calendar ($23.95) so the new homeowner can track appointments and events more easily.

50. Smart home device

As we move into an increasingly advanced digital age, smart home devices grow more prevalent. Look through these numerous smart home devices and choose the one that best fits the new homeowners for their housewarming party gift. Prices vary drastically on smart home devices, starting at $20 and going up.

Source: (Sarah Pflug/Burst)

A new home, a new beginning

We hope this ultimate guide to housewarming party gifts helped give you several ideas for what to buy for your friend or relative. Buying a home is a huge achievement, whether its your first time or not.

The next time youre ready to buy or sell your home, make use of one of our specialized calculators to help you out. They can help you calculate a budget for a new home, or even determine when the best time of year to sell is.

Once youve done that, be sure to choose from one of our many listed real estate agent experts. Theyre the top in their area and ready to help you find a dream home or sell your house fast.

Header Image Source: (Monkey Business Images/ Shutterstock)

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gyrlversion · 5 years ago

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31 Things Thatll Help You Have The Most Stylish Summer Ever

We hope you love the products we recommend! Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a share of sales or other compensation from the links on this page. Oh, and FYI — prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

A floral maxi, because nothing screams summertime like a loose, yet chic maxi dress. It’ll drape comfortably, so even if you’re standing in hot temps for a long time, you won’t feel like you’ve got sweat dripping down your back.

amazon.com, amazon.com

Promising review: “Okay, I am in LOVE! This might be my favorite Amazon purchase EVER. It’s the perfect length the winged sleeves are beautiful and far more comfortable than I thought it would be. I want this dress in every pattern!” —TA

Get it from Amazon for $24.99+ (available in sizes XS-XXL and 19 styles).

A cold-shouldered dress with ruffles and a faux-wrap that’ll make date night so much more exciting. What’s not to be excited about when you look and feel your best?

Torrid

Promising review: “I bought this for my daughter and it looks fantastic! It’s made from a nice lightweight material and is overall very flattering.” —TRVLTESS

Get it from Torrid for $32.88 (originally $68.90, available in sizes 00–6).

A sleeveless denim shirtdress made from 100% cotton for breathable, comfortable wear. Yes, you want to look cute, but you also want to feel relaxed in what you’re wearing.

Target

Get it from Target for $29.99 (available in sizes XS–2XL and two colors).

A printed duster cardi to layer over a plain tank for a pop of pattern. Since the material is thin, you won’t feel like you’re overheating on a hot afternoon.

amazon.com, amazon.com

Promising review: “Really cute, really light top. I love it, because if I want to cover my upper arms, but it is hot outside, this does not make me sweat. It’s a very cheery top. I get lots of compliments when I wear it. It is meant to be a looser fit, so don’t expect something fitted!” —Mrs. JPS

Get it from Amazon for $14.99+ (available in sizes S–5XL and 46 styles).

A ribbed sweater tank that’ll become a very versatile piece in your wardrobe. It can be paired with jeans, slacks, or French-tucked into your favorite skirt. Tan France would be proud.

Loft

Get it from Loft for $49.50 (available in sizes XS–XXL).

And a pair of drop earrings to pair with your incredibly cute sweater tank. The best way to jazz up an outfit is with accessories!

Loft

Get them from Loft for $34.50 (available in two colors).

A polka-dot bathing suit top that’ll provide full support as you splash around in the water during your next pool day.

Addition Elle

Promising review: “This fits so well! I love that the bra inside really gives you support. It fits nicely, looks great, and dries quickly.” —leany

Get it from Addition Elle for $34 (originally $68, available in sizes 40C–44DD). To get the full look, check out these black bathing suit bottoms for $24 (originally $48, available in sizes X–4X).

A striped jumpsuit you can throw on for that minimal-effort style vibe. It can be worn pretty much anywhere like brunch, a work happy hour, or a night out with friends.

amazon.com, amazon.com

Promising review: “I absolutely love the fit of this jumpsuit. It’s not clingy and the material is flattering. It’s not form-fitting, so it’s comfortable to wear. It’s true-to-size with adjustable straps. I felt like I was wearing pajamas. Buying another color because it’s my new favorite outfit!” —Trish

Get it from Amazon for $12.99+ (available in sizes S–L and 20 styles).

A loose-fitting, casual maxi dress with pockets you’ll legitimately never want to take off. It’ll become your everyday go-to, especially during the warmer months.

amazon.com, amazon.com

Promising review: “I got this for a trip to Mexico and bought it in a size small, which fit absolutely perfectly. The fit is flowy and it is casual, but could be dressed up. I love the pockets, too. Just a great summer piece for the price.” —Mark A. Eatherton

Get it from Amazon for $18.99+ (available in sizes S–2XL and 17 styles).

10.

A belted polka dot dress that’ll look adorable with a pair of wedges. Let’s just say you’re definitely gonna want this piece for your next tropical vacation.

amazon.com, amazon.com

Promising review: “This is by far the most comfortable dress I’ve ever worn. I’m not one to wear dresses often, but I’m glad this was the first one I picked from Amazon. It really gives me a confidence a boost when I wear it. It’s simple, yet very stylish. I sometimes safety pin the front V-neck for a bit more security, but you don’t have to.” —Amazon Customer

Get it from Amazon for $23.99 (available in sizes S–XL and four colors).

11.

Wide-legged linen pants, because we love easy-breezy fashion. The summer heat can be super uncomfortable, so your clothes should not. Gaucho-styled linen pants are exactly what you need to stay cool.

ModCloth

Get them from ModCloth for $59 (available in sizes XS–XL).

12.

A graphic tee to showcase your ~girl power~ in a bold way. The shirt is cropped so it’ll pair nicely with high-rise jeans or shorts.

Mulberry and Grand

Get it from Mulberry and Grand for $26.

13.

And a pair of hoop earrings that’ll take your outfit to the next level. The marbled acrylic design is eye-catching, while the brassy yellow and hints of pink and blue pop against a white tee.

Mulberry and Grand

Get them from Mulberry and Grand for $24.

14.

A zebra print romper to wear to your next summer soiree where you want to look cute, but not overdressed. A romper can remain casual, especially when worn with a pair of sandals.

Asos

Get it from Asos for $56 (available in sizes 12–22).

15.

A Steve Madden platform sandal for some ’70’s-era flair. Don’t be intimidated by the height – platform sandals lift the ball of your foot, making them incredibly comfortable for long-term wear.

Nordstrom

Get them from Nordstrom for $69.95 (available in sizes 5.5–11 and four styles).

16.

Or a block-heeled sandal made from soft Italian leather that’ll have you ditching flats for good. This heel is a bit lower and can easily be worn on your morning commute.

Everlane

Get them from Everlane for $145 (available in sizes 5–11 and seven colors).

17.

A straw fedora so you can marry function with style. Yes, it’ll provide coverage and help you simmer down in blazing sun, but it’ll also become a chic accessory to add to your favorite outfit.

amazon.com, amazon.com

Promising review: “Let me start off by staying I’ve never been a beach hat type person…until now! I love this hat! Well, I just got back from Belize and this hat was amazing. I love how adjustable it is. I was able to comfortably wear it while riding a golf cart, all day at the beach, and even out on a kayak without it blowing off or being too tight. And it was just the right coverage for me. Enough to protect my sensitive eyes and fair skin from the sun, yet not so large that it was in the way. I wore it much more than I thought I would because it was so useful. Cute and comfortable!” —Amazon Customer

Get it from Amazon for $15.99 (available in 33 styles).

18.

A neoprene pencil skirt to wear from work to happy hour to dinner. With a bit of stretch, it won’t feel like you’re suffocating.

Eloquii

Promising review: “I have several of the neoprene skirts and I really enjoy wearing them. There are lot of great patterns and colors. They make getting dressed in the morning a lot easier.” —Katrina S.

Get it from Eloquii for $19.99+ (available in sizes12–28, and three fits: regular, petite, and viola. Once you select your fit, you can choose your exact size. It’s also available in 32 colors and patterns).

19.

An oversized straw bag you can toss everything into before heading to the beach. It’s got a zipper closure and separate internal pockets for your phone, wallet, and keys.

amazon.com

Promising review: “Very beautiful natural straw bag to have for the upcoming summer season. The design is simple and stylish, with plenty of room inside. I will definitely use it for the beach and mini vacations. It also can be used as a daily bag, too. One thing I have to mention is the silk scarf that comes with it. It makes this bag so unique looking. Overall it’s very lightweight to carry around and the zipper is easy to use. Great purchase!” —Anya

Get it from Amazon for $24.99+ (available in two colors).

20.

A pair of high-waisted shorts to pair with your favorite crop top or studded belt. If summer festivals are your thing, then you can’t go wrong with these shorts.

amazon.com, amazon.com

Promising review: “I’m IN LOVE with these shorts. These are stretchy, too. No wiggle struggle getting them on. I got a billion compliments on them the first time I wore them out! I saw a couple of reviews that were mad about the button hole being sewn closed upon arrival and mine was, too. But I’ve worked in many boutiques where brands manufacture pockets and button holes like that to keep them neat during shipping. It literally opened to a normal hole when I buttoned my shorts. Get these! I’m purchasing the dark ones next!” —Melody Orlanes

Get them from Amazon for $21.99 (available in sizes S–2XL and five colors).

21.

A V-neck, bell-sleeve shirt that can be either professional or casual, depending on the occasion.

amazon.com, Amazon

Promising review: “This is a really cute blouse! The material is opaque so it is work-appropriate and doesn’t show your bra underneath. I wear this tucked in to a pencil skirt or pants and it looks really cute that way. The large bell sleeves with the mesh cut-outs look like the picture. The mesh is very thin and gives the appearance of empty space in a very cool way.” —bheckel

Get it from Amazon for $13.99+ (available in sizes S–2XL and 30 styles).

22.

A palm-print, cold-shouldered dress with fabric so soft, you’ll ditch pants forever. It also washes super well, so don’t fear throwing it in the washing machine. It’ll come out silky smooth.

amazon.com, amazon.com

Promising review: “I was a little nervous about quality and fit with the price being so low. This does not disappoint. The fabric is nice and light for and the quality is good. You can’t beat the price. This is perfect for a beach wedding or vacation.” —alicia gaysek

Get it from Amazon for $27.99 (available in sizes 0X–4X and 21 styles).

23.

A chunkier rhinestone necklace you can pair with a tank on a night out. But it doesn’t stop there – it can be worn to a more formal event like a wedding or baby shower.

amazon.com

Promising review: “I couldn’t be happier with this purchase. I bought this necklace to go with a plain ivory dress for my wedding rehearsal dinner and it is absolutely perfect. I’m always hesitant buying certain things online like jewelry because I really like to see it in person, hold it, and try it on, however I’m so glad I went with my gut and bought this. Now I can’t wait to wear it!” —Kelly Leya

Get it from Amazon for $19.99.

24.

A twist headband that’ll hold all those loose baby hairs out of your face, but will also make your updo look better than ever.

amazon.com, Amazon

Promising review: “These are so cute! I thought they might be too youthful/girly for me to get away with, but they’re adorable. Perfect for keeping my hair out of my face when I work and when I apply makeup and skincare treatments. There’s a wire that runs throughout the whole headband which means it stays on my (large) head, whereas other elastic headbands just slip off. These are available in many different pretty prints, as well. Great value for the money!” —meems

Get a set of four from Amazon for $8.99 (available in three styles).

amazon.com, amazon.com

Promising review: “I’m a total sunglass snob. I have a huge collection and favor Chanel & Dior. My daughter had seen someone wearing red reflective glasses and I saw these on Amazon, so I figured I’d add these to her stocking. Well, I was pretty blown away by the good quality of the glasses, as well as the case and cleansing cloth they came with. I swear to you that there’s not a lot of difference between these and a pair of my $400+ glasses…” —Brat

Get them from Amazon for $9.99+ (available in 10 styles).

26.

A colorblock bikini to get you that beach day ‘gram you’ve been waiting all year for. The UPF 50 fabric provides sun protection, but make sure to apply sunscreen!

Forever 21

Get the bikini top from Forever 21 for $17.90 (available in sizes S–L and two colors) and get the bikini bottom from Forever 21 for $14.90 (available in sizes S–L and two colors).

27.

A denim jacket, because it’s a classic warm weather staple. You can dress it up or down, layer it over a dress, or wrap it around your waist for later wear. Either way, it’ll become an essential piece in your wardrobe.

amazon.com, amazon.com

Promising review: “This is a super cute denim jacket. It’s well-made, material is a nice, soft denim and the price is excellent. The sizing chart was spot on, so I ordered a medium and it fit very well. The sleeves are even long enough.” —callan yarkosky

Get it from Amazon for $29 (available in sizes S–XL and six colors).

28.

A drop chain necklace that’ll pair perfectly with a V-neck shirt or dress. It’s delicate, so make sure it store it away from other necklaces so it doesn’t get tangled.

Amazon

Promising review: “I love this necklace! It is very beautiful and dainty. I can wear it with a T-shirt or with any of my dresses to go out. The weight of the bar keeps the necklace centered and I’m glad it was made with a connector so it can slide and doesn’t shift on my neck.” —Amber

Get it from Amazon for $24 (available in three finishes).

29.

A cropped linen jacket, because everyone deserves an adorable piece that can go from day to night effortlessly. It’ll be the perfect lightweight jacket for chillier nights when you want to grab a jacket before heading out, but one that’ll enhance your outfit, not detract from it.

Anthropologie

Get it from Anthropologie for $149 (available in sizes XS–XL).

30.

Or a camo jacket to pair with dark wash jeans and a black tank for instant cool streetwear vibes. You can cuff the sleeves or leave them long for more coverage.

amazon.com, amazon.com

Promising review: “Love this jacket…easily my go-to jacket now when I’m hanging out. Fits true to size. I wear a large in tops so that’s what I ordered and it fits great. The sleeves do cut off a little short, but that’s okay with me because I don’t have long arms. If you do, you may have to roll up the sleeves like the model. Other than that, love the jacket. Great material for the price paid.” —Toshia

Get it from Amazon for $28.99+ (available in sizes S–2XL and three colors).

31.

A cheetah print dress for those nights when you’re feeling a bit fierce. With bolder patterns, you can utilize solid-colored accessories to tone down the outfit.

Target

Promising review: “Love this dress! It’s made of a nicely textured flowy material that doesn’t wrinkle. So no ironing needed! Perfect for traveling. The inner lining is a legit slip with adjustable straps. And it has pockets! I wish this style dress came in a multitude of colors and prints because I would buy them all and wear them from spring to fall!” —Angelaa86

Get it from Target for $29.99 (available in sizes X–4X).

Hitting that Insta pose like:

Shopping for something specific? Check out BuzzFeed Reviews to find the best things for every budget!

BuzzFeed

The reviews for this post have been edited for length and/or clarity.

The post 31 Things Thatll Help You Have The Most Stylish Summer Ever appeared first on Gyrlversion.

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ethelbertpaul444-blog · 6 years ago

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35 Products Thatll Possibly Reveal Disgusting Things About Your Body

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jimdsmith34 · 7 years ago

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The 6 Stages Of Trying On A Bikini After Being A Lazy Piece Of Sh*t All Winter

Youve officially survived another winter of dreaded family holidays, surprise engagements, and disguising your 2pm blackout as brunch without entirely losing your dignity. But that also means that in the months between November and March, betches were busy living their best fucking lives, Instagramming cheese plates and colorful fruit cocktails, all while pulling off the illusion that their ass underwent months of squat-like workouts, thanks to overpriced Lulu leggings.

Sure, these PPCS (Post Partum Cuffing Season) side effects are totally justified, but unfortunately for me you, the social media faade that just upped your followers prob also upped your pant size. Bikini season is right around the corner as of like, yesterday, and your besties are dying to be sexually objectified at Tao Beach, but that also means theyre counting on you to pose for pics with them that scream GIRLS TRIP!!! But also can you believe this cleavage rn? while debuting swimwear the size of a hair scrunchie. So if theres one thing I know better than the exact distance it takes to get from work to the bar, its everything a betch goes through following the pre-bikini season DGAF:

Stage 1: The Invitation

After victoriously indulging in an all-carb diet for four months straight, the only phone call thats dreaded more than your gyno calling to deliver test results is your best friend calling to invite you on a ratchet river retreat. This means pausing yourbinge and getting off your ass in hopes of finding a swimsuit thatll cover your perma-winter layer so you dont feel like an IRL Flubber on a rocky boat. Being a possessor of chronic Stage 4 FOMO the good friend that you are, you reluctantly agree to a weekend of staged candid bikini photos while hiding behind a donut pool floatie, as you confirm with a high-pitched OMG YES IM SO THERE! Congratulations, youve just survived your first two-way calling attack.

Stage 2: The Casual Browse

Does your recent Google search history read, “bathing suits that hide my back fat”? Bcuz same. Every betch has Googled some sort of self-loathing ridicule at a point in her life, which means that the quest for the perfect bathing suit has officially begun. But first you attempt to save a little face before baring it all to the poor Victorias Secret employee and peruse your options via Google. After hours of research, only to find yourself 68 weeks deep into Kylie Jenners sluttiest bikini photos, desperate times call for desperate fucking measures, and your Google searches quickly go from “bathing suits” to “how much did Kims fat transfer cost?”

Stage 3: The Dressing Room

They say the camera adds 10 pounds, but they also say the fitting room mirror adds like, 20. Idk if its the shitty interrogation-room lighting, or the fact that my “monthly” bloat has just become a way of life, but TBH entering a womans fitting room is like entering the fucking Chokey. After trying on the stores entire swim inventory, the only thing youve actually accomplished other than realizing youve unknowingly been growing a winter forest below the navel border for the past three months, is realizing that the trendy off-the-shoulder bikini top you tolerated serves no practicality or purpose other than showcasing unwanted armpit vagina.

Stage 4: The Crash Diet

As you leave the store, you make a vow to yourself to go full Emily Blunt for two weeks and to eat nothing but a cube of cheese, but only when feeling like youre gonna drop dead. You stick it out for a solid three hours until your drive home automatically lands you in the In-N-Out drive thru line because whatever, youre getting cheese fries. You start randomly developing a sense of false confidence and mutter shit to yourself like, If they cant accept me at my pregnant Kim K., then they dont deserve me at my revenge bod Khlo. #BIBLE

Stage 5: The Prep

Earth to betches: Bikini season is only like 26% about the actual bikini. You dont get a Chipotle burrito to show off the foil wrapping, do you? Id be lying to you if I said Im not the best version of myself when I have a tan. And youd also be lying if you denied that. It makes you look, like, 10 pounds lighter and it gives the illusion that you physically saw the light of day this winter other than through your sliding glass door while you were covered in potato chip crumbs. You resort to whatever painful process it takes to distract people from the slightest amount of “excess love” hanging off your hips like a fucking ornament, and waxing off that 1960s bush youve been harboring like a fugitive. This results in spending more money on your physical appearance than the value of the actual vacation itself, but thats just, like, the rules of Instagram feminism.

Stage 6: The Presentation

Whether or not your summer bod is ready, a betch knows that the key to living her best vacation life is liquid confidence. ‘Tis the season for 9am beer bongs and chips and guac as a meal replacement, so you finally decide to proudly wear your winter bloat like a badge of honor, because #LoveYoself and (hi) DGAFing is your specialty. Vacays may not be about what you wear, but they sure as hell are about what you drink, so chances are, nobody in their drunk state of mind will even notice your nonexistent insecurities. Plus, drunk goggles make everyone look like a fucking 10, so you win. Now sit back, RELAX, and get that fine-ass awesome personality over here and take a shot with me.

source http://allofbeer.com/the-6-stages-of-trying-on-a-bikini-after-being-a-lazy-piece-of-sht-all-winter/ from All of Beer http://allofbeer.blogspot.com/2018/04/the-6-stages-of-trying-on-bikini-after.html

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allofbeercom · 7 years ago

Text

The 6 Stages Of Trying On A Bikini After Being A Lazy Piece Of Sh*t All Winter

Stage 1: The Invitation

Stage 2: The Casual Browse

Stage 3: The Dressing Room

Stage 4: The Crash Diet

Stage 5: The Prep

Stage 6: The Presentation

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/the-6-stages-of-trying-on-a-bikini-after-being-a-lazy-piece-of-sht-all-winter/

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captainbaz · 7 years ago

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I'm glad I didn't upset you :) Now please be so kind as to answer 1-100 of those questions. -waits patiently-

Oh boy, youre in for a very long post, im warning you all....Also have fun looking up the questions! 8)1. Blake2. 223. March 9th4. Pisces5. Blue...6. 137. I do, its a cat his name is Fluffy, and i love him to death. He is my little shitlord.8. Louisiana9. Im either 5"6" or 5"7" not really sure10. Honestly this is hard to answer since it depends on the brand, but the ones i have are like a 1211. Literally 212. Its been this really weird reoccurring dream, that i dont wanna talk about at the moment! Sorry!!13. Is lazy a talent? but in all honesty care taking is a talent and im glad to be one when i can for literally anyone.14. Ive had my moments, whether it was something i saw in a dream, or just something i could call out on spot on accident.15. As of late this is a hard one to answer, but i can still say without a doubt, Bridges in The Sky by Dream Theater.16. Shaun of The Dead, and Hot Fuzz. I couldnt pick between them.17. Honestly, if i want to think about ideal partner, all i need from them is Trust, Loyalty, Humor, and a fucking cute smile thatll melt me every time i see it. 18. Yes two is the limit.19. Hmm maybe, i never put alot of thought into marriage, but if i decide to do traditional.20. Nope..21. Plenty...22. Oh boy have i...23. Technically? Ive chatted with a few people who the current society would consider as "famous" and they are all lovely people.24. There is a time for both, i prefer Showers though!25. Black, all of them are black.26. Nope, or at least i hope not if i am then i made a mistake.27. No, i can barely handle people, so knowing the paparazzi is waiting for me somewhere worries me.28. I really like Jazz, but im pretty open to all types.29. Yes, the time it happened was not fun, but yes.30. Two, it use to be four.31. On my side, or like on my stomach, its usually the way i get comfy quickly.32. Not very, like its big enough for me, bout a medium sized one story house.33. I dont really wake up for breakfast or fall asleep around the time for breakfast, so yeah.34. Yes, i have actually.35. I wanted to, but i dont think id make a very good bowman.36. I dont have a favorite "Clean" word.37. Ass, it never ceases to amuse me as a word.38. Five Days... maybe longer when i was younger, insomnia is bad.39. Plenty, mentally and physically.40. Im sure i do, if they see this. Hello, youre more than welcome to just drop in and say Hi! Make yourself known.41. If the situation calls for it, ill do what i have to with words, but id prefer to not have to lie.42. Yes, while id prefer to not judge, sometimes its needed to keep myself safe.43. I mean im sure i could, how accurate it is thats another story.44. Nope, my voice is pretty bland when it comes to an accent.45. The Australian accent, its like music to my ears.46. If i dont know you too well, im pretty cold and dead, if i do know you, im pretty warm and generally fun.47. Its a winter jacket, that hasnt seen any use at all from me.48. Yes, i can in a few ways but nothing super impressive.49. Innie.50. Im ambidextrous, but still Left hand dominant.51. Not really, they can be cute sometimes.52. Pineapple Pizza53. Honestly just Italian food in general.54. A little of both actually.55. It always ends with "im gonna shit myself"56. Fuck and the many variations of it.... not proud of that one but you know.57. Not very long, i dont like to keep people waiting if i dont have to.58. I can be pretty cocky, but its only on things i know are accurate.59. Bite.60. Only when i do something seriously stupid.61. Yes, its relaxing and you can never beat singing in the shower.62. No, probably not, i sound really monotone normally so i can only imagine how bad my singing is.63. Letting down all those who put trust in me. 64. Nope, im not a gossip.65. I havent seen very many of those, so i dont know if ive seen a best one. 66. Both, Both are very good.67. No, no i cannot. I only remember the ones i have friends in, or the ones i want to visit.68. Photography, it was available at the high school i went to and was actually the one i enjoyed the most out of everything i took.69. Introvert70. Nope, never done that.71. Large groups of people.72. Nope, i walk in it alot.73. I have a few times, but only if its something that legit bothers me, other than that ill leave it be cause i make alot of mistakes too.74. You know it.75. Nope, dont care for rumors, and dont want to care about rumors.76. Yes, a few times its very stressful but someone has to do it.77. Yup, have not been drunk underage though.78. Nope, havent touched them dont plan on it. Its not for me.79. It was a girl named Kelsie, had the biggest crush on her, till middle school.80. I dont have any piercings, thought about them years ago but lost interest.81. No, i cant roll my R's i never could, and never figured out how to.82. Decently fast.83. I havent ran since some point in highschool, so ill say not very.84. Dirty Blonde.85. Gray86. Im not allergic to anything i know of yet.87. I use to, but it was a journal of doodles, instead of writing about things, id just doodle the emotion i felt or was feeling.88. My dad works for an oilfield company, and my mom is, just a stay at home mother.89. Yes, yes i do, complaining about my age wont make me younger so.90. Myself, mostly.91. Its pretty good yeah, when im not being called a spice by accident.92. Maybe a few years ago i would have had an actual answer to this, but currently, ive put no thought into what id name my future children.93. Id want a girl, but if its my own flesh and blood ill take what i get.94. My humor, my knowledge, my ability to stay calm in a terrible situation, my way with words.95. My way with words.... Animals, generally anything cute is a weakness to me. My depression.96. I was named after my great uncle, but i got his middle name as my first and his first as my middle.97. From what i remember being told, on my mother's side we were related to english royalty.98. This one repeated, but, Yes both mentally and physically.99. Its like a Creme colored pinstripe.100. Its Blue, my room is blue.

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arplis · 5 years ago

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Arplis - News: 50 Housewarming Party Gift Ideas for Brand-New Homeowners

If youre invited to a housewarming party, your friend or relative is eager to share their happiness with you. Knowing what to bring can get tricky. You dont want to give a dud gift.

Source: (Ani Kolleshi/ Unsplash)

The tradition of housewarming and gifting

The history of housewarming has its origins in medieval times. Its name stems from (what else?) warming up the house.

The practice of housewarming spans the entire world.

In 1600s France, housewarmings exist as pendaison de crmaillre. This is French for hanging of the chimney hook.

The hook on the chimney of a medieval French home came as the final installation. This hook served as the fixture for a pot to hang from and warm over the fire.

French tradition dictated a house was only officially finished once the chimney hook was installed. Then a chimney-hook party (housewarming party) was held.

The tradition of giving housewarming gifts is a longstanding one that continues even today. Show you care and congratulate a new homeowner with one of our gift ideas.

Gifts to give

Americans love to give, too. In 2019, we spent an average of $1,000 on holiday gifts alone. Knowing what to buy for a person can get tricky, though.

As far as items to avoid, Gasper suggests no adult humor, political statements, or religious items. The last thing you want to do is upset someone with your gift.

Traditional gifts

Here weve rounded up classic gifts steeped in tradition and symbolism.

1. Salt

Salt has held significance and value since ancient times. Once, it was so valuable it was even used as currency. The gift of salt represents wealth.

Bring an artisanal bamboo salt chest ($130) filled with 24 different kinds of gourmet salt to help spice up their cooking.

2. Broom

3. Bread

Source: (Ales Krivec/ Unsplash)

4. Knives

Should you buy knives, or is that in poor taste? Superstition states that giving a knife as a present will sever the friendship between you and the recipient.

However, taping a penny to the knife is considered a way around this. The recipient must then remove the penny and return it to you as a way of showing symbolic payment.

Give the new homeowner a set of cosmos knives ($49.95) so they can enjoy space while prepping dinner!Plants

When a person first moves into a home, it can feel empty and impersonal. Thats why plants make a great gift.

5. Houseplants

Source: (Joanna Wishard/ Unsplash)

6. Mason jar gardens

Versatile and beautiful, mason jars ($32.99) are perfect for a window-sill herb garden. Theyll dress up any home and provide the recipient with delicious herbs for home-cooked meals.

7. Bulbs

8. Flower pots

9. Flower arrangement

Food

Everyone loves food, and its a longtime gift staple. Help a homeowner stock their spice pantry and cabinets by gifting something delicious.

10. Wine/beer/liquor

Source: (Thomas Picauly/ Unsplash)

11. Olive oil/vinegar

Olive oil and vinegar are timeless gifts. Together they represent good health and well-being. Give the happy new homeowner a cruet to hold their olive oil and vinegar ($18.99).

12. Coffee/tea

13. Gift sets (cookie mixes, etc.)

14. Something fresh-baked

Local love

Supporting local businesses helps a community thrive and gives new homeowners a chance to explore parts of their city theyve maybe never seen before.

15. Gift card to a restaurant

Whether the homeowner is a longtime local or new to the city, a gift card to a nearby restaurant is always a great gift.

Moving into a home is stressful and takes lots of work. Therell be nights where cooking dinner feels like too much of a hassle. Treat them to a night off.

If the recipient is single, go with a $25 gift card. If its a couple, choose a $50 gift card to cover the price of a meal for two.

Source: (Nick Hillier/ Unsplash)

16. Gift card for a cleaning service

17. Gift certificate to a spa

18. Gift certificate to a local brewery

19. Local theater voucher

Kitchenwares

Every meal starts with common household kitchenware. Help an aspiring chef stock their appliances with these tasteful gift ideas.

20. Cheese boards

Help the new homeowner create the perfect meat and cheese spread by gifting them a cheese board ($55). Go above and beyond and make it a gift set that includes cheeses and meats too.

21. Food storage containers

22. Cookbooks

23. Kitchen towels

Everyone washes their hands or dries their dishes. Help bring fun and color to the recipients kitchen with a personalized hand towel ($12.95).

Source: (Taylor Vick/ Unsplash)

24. Mugs

25. Fridge fresheners

26. Microwave cleaners

27. Cocktail shakers

28. Mixing bowls

If the homeowner plans to ever cook, theyll need mixing bowls ($35.99). Choose a mixing bowl set that comes with airtight lids so they can double as containers for leftovers.

For the living room

29. Blankets

Source: (Kelly Sikkema/ Unsplash)

30. Wall art

When you first move into a home, the walls tend to be a little bare. Help the homeowner decorate by gifting them wall art ($11.99) that is beautiful enough to be a centerpiece.

31. Candles

32. Coffee table books

33. Coasters

Theres something extra irritating about the grayish watermark rings caused by sweating drinks. Give the new homeowner a pair of black agate coasters ($23.19) to ward off the pesky stains.

34. Tree ornaments

Decorative and home-focused

Its nice to spruce up a home with decorations that are also useful. Help make a homeowners life a little easier with these thoughtful decor pieces.

35. Personalized welcome mat

36. A keychain for their new key

37. Return address stamp

38. Door hangers

Like with the doormat, a door hanger is one of the first details a visitor will notice about a home. Gift a gorgeous wooden sign to hang from the door ($55.99) that says Home Sweet Home.

39. House numbers

Source: (Ian Kirkland/ Unsplash)Just for fun

Not every gift needs to be practical. Show your fun side by choosing one of these more entertaining housewarming party gifts.

40. Board games

Who doesnt love playing board games? Bring a classic board game as a gift and deliver a bit of nostalgia to the recipient. The average cost for most board games is around $20.

Source: (Micha Parzuchowski/ Unsplash)

41. Kids toy chest

If you have kids, you know the struggle of finding places to store the multitude of toys and stuffed animals. If the new homeowners have kids of their own, give the gift of a toy chest ($75).

42. Pet treats

43. Bath products

Practical

For the more serious homeowner, this list of down-to-earth gifts will be sure to please.

44. Tool kit

A new home comes with new responsibilities. Repairs will eventually crop up, and then tools will be essential for certain tasks. A tool kit ($59.99) makes a great gift for a new homeowner.

45. Fire extinguisher

46. Doorstops

47. Bookends

For the book-loving homeowner, a bookend makes a great housewarming gift as a statement piece. A diorama bookend ($169) adds a creative flair to any bookshelf.

48. Grocery lists

49. Calendars

Life can get hectic, and a calendar helps us stay organized and remember important dates. Bring a wall calendar ($23.95) so the new homeowner can track appointments and events more easily.

50. Smart home device

Source: (Sarah Pflug/Burst)

A new home, a new beginning

Once youve done that, be sure to choose from one of our many listed real estate agent experts. Theyre the top in their area and ready to help you find a dream home or sell your house fast.

Header Image Source: (Monkey Business Images/ Shutterstock)

Arplis - News source https://arplis.com/blogs/news/50-housewarming-party-gift-ideas-for-brand-new-homeowners

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ethelbertpaul444-blog · 6 years ago

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35 Products Thatll Possibly Reveal Disgusting Things About Your Body

The human body is gross! These makes will bring all the egregious trash out!

We hope you find these helpful concoctions as stunning as we do. Just an FYI: 22 Terms is a participant in the Amazon affiliate program, and may receive a share of auctions from connections on this page.

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This Exfoliating Mitt

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These Foot Pads

via: Amazon/ Rachel Anschuetz

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This Earwax Remover

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This Hair Removal Kit

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This Blacklight Flashlight

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This Drain Protector

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The TubShroom is pretty much a miracle commodity. It fits right in the majority standard exhausts and catches mane and gunk and other blatant nonsense before it clogs your tubes. Plus, it’s so easy to clean!

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These Flushable Wipes

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You haven’t lived until you’ve used these circumstances, which I like to call” child obliterates for adults .” They’re sewer-safe and septic-safe, so do your worst.

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This Magnifying Mirror

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This Tooth Powder

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Tooth powder is all natural, organic, and vegan. It’s a great alternative to toothpaste. It is guaranteed to leave your mouth fresh and clean every time.

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These Urinalysis Test Strips

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These test airstrips can spot urinary tract infections with simply a little urine. 100 come in a jam-pack, so they should last-place you a while.

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This ULtra Cleanse

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This colon cleanse lives up to its reputation. It will even poisons from your part form and leave you ready for a new start.

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These Skin Exfoliating Towels

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These little towels are specifically designed to exfoliate the fragile skin on your cheek and cervix. Use them for two minutes in the morning and two minutes at night for the best results.

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This Exfoliating Brush

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This exfoliating brush comes rid of scarlet, riled ingrown fuzz jolts or reducing protrusions. Plus, it experiences really good! Improve your shower attires now!

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This Electronic Foot File

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Buff the dead surface and calluses off your feet without any elbow grease with the Amope Foot File. You’ll get addicted to it.

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These Drain Snakes

via: Amazon/ Melanie Metz

Unclog your ducts with these super simple, super effective pump snakes! Cleansing has never been so satisfying.

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This Makeup Brush Cleaner

via: Amazon

Your makeup grazes get gross whether you acknowledge it to yourself or not. This little contraption auto-cleans your touches. 10 -3 0 seconds is all it takes.

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This Acne Removal Kit

via: Amazon

You get six double-sided tools with which you can extract all that good stuff from your look! You’ll be a regular Dr. Pimple Popper in no time!

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These Pimple Patches

via: Amazon

You get 24 of these miracle spots in a backpack. The spot assimilates all the blatant stuff under your zit and protects the bark from bacteria. When it curdles white, remove it and your surface will be good as brand-new!

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This Blackhead Vacuum

via: Amazon

This microdermabrasion machine is literally like a little vacuum, sucking the gunk out of your pores. There’s nothing so satisfying.

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This Nose Hair Trimmer( No Batteries Needed )

via: Amazon

Trim those nose whiskers with this handheld machine! It doesn’t even require artilleries or anything.

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This Nose Hair Waxing Kit

via: Amazon/ Tony Pham

If you don’t have the patience for a trimmer, get right down to business with this nose fuzz waxing paraphernalium. It’s quite effective.

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