#hope my answers weren't too rambly lol

[pulim-v]

3, 9, 14, C, P, W for the cast of FGCC please?

3. First opinion of school as a kid

Tbh most FGCC characters had a lot of difficulties at school whether it was about learning or socializing, but I feel like at first Mist, Spark and Rowan thought it was fun to learn, Fern liked playing with his classmates, Via was mostly pretty shy and not THAT good at school so she didn't like it that much and Dew really disliked it when he was younger since they weren't able to focus well and found it kinda boring

9. First time living far away from home

I think Mist, Spark, Rowan and Dew still live close to their homes during the story, so if they actually move ti another city or smth it'd be after the story is done (and tbh I can't see Mist and Spark doing that), meanwhile both Fern and Via moved out before the story's events, Octavia one year before the story (when she got into the KIT) and Fern a few months before it (to look for a programming job)

14. First time facing their fears

Mist and Spark: on High School, they both had it ROUGH with trying to keep up with schoolwork.

Rowan: I feel like Rowan was really afraid of people abandoning him, which to be honest he only really addresses during the story lol.

Fern: Middle School, Fern probably had to have a bug moment where she stopped hiding his weird interests when he was younger.

Dew: I feel like Dew either wasn't fearful when they were younger or already faced most of their fears as a kid; either way, he faced his fear of disappointing their friends before the story during their first run through the KIT.

Octavia: in High School, I feel like her fears are a mix of Fern and Rowan and she started to address them at about the same time she started to transition in my mind

C. First physical contact.

For the ships that have appeared so far, Argentunimbus' first contact was either them bumping into each other and not realizing it or some form of physical violence. For Dewtavia, it was probably Via handing Dew something they dropped and the two accidentally touching (which was after Via fell for Dew but before Dew fell for Via).

For the ships that haven't shown up, for ☀️🌑 it was definitely a punch and for 🪴🎍 it might've been a handshake?

P. First time seeing the other all dressed-up

I have ot written that yet but there will be a school ball arc I repeat there will be a school ball arc

(The only one that differs is that Via and Dew saw each other dress up before that since they've known each other for a bit longer lol)

W. First time they realized their relationship was endgame... or isn't.

Fern didn't realize Fern x Spark wasn't happening until it was way too late. RIP Fern x Spark you never stood a chance

I think Argentunimbus cemented itself as endgame when Mist and Spark decided to take it easy for a semester and to not overwork themselves, while mutually agreeing that not putting immense amounts of effort into everything they did was the healthy thing to do

Dewtavia cemented itself as endgame during an upcoming arc, where Via finally started to talk about what she felt more and Dew started to put more effort into understanding her feelings and picking up on what she needed them to do

☀️🌑 only really became endgame when they had a big fight and 🌑 finally cracked down on ☀️'s savior complex lol

🪴🎍 might not be endgame I haven't built it up enough to be sure (and it isn't even a conventional ship so eh lol)

[jinnie-ret]

Hihi! I hope you’re doing well 🩷

I was wondering if maybe you’d be willing to write a comfort fix of Felix x reader who has severe nausea + fainting spells?

I have both and lately it’s been so overwhelming to the point where I can’t work whether at school or my job because I get so overwhelmed to the point that I cry for hours lol

another day

felix x reader

genre: angst, comfort

content warnings: talk of nausea, fainting, dizziness

word count: 0.6k

summary: your boyfriend felix comes over to help you through your fainting spells.

Sorry this is late! I hope you're feeling better by now my lovely and that your fainting spells aren't too bad. I bet it's a horrible feeling so I hope this brought some comfort to you.

Reblog if you enjoyed, and let me know if you want to be added to my taglist!

FELIX'S MASTERLIST

MAIN MASTERLIST

The throbbing pain in your head was getting worse and worse. Yes, you had made it from your bed to the sofa in the living room of your apartment, but you weren't going to be moving anytime soon. It had been like this since last night, but you thought with a good night's sleep, that the dizzy spells and nausea would have left by then.

But they hadn't.

You had a part time job to work, a uni assignment to work on, and people to see. Those people being your friends and your boyfriend. Perhaps it was the stress of this that made your headache worse, but it wasn't going to be leaving anytime soon, and so, neither were you.

Unaware of all the buzzes coming from your phone, you groaned as you curled up into a tighter ball on the sofa, tugging your blanket over you. And you fell into a deep sleep after experiencing another dizzy spell that and the whole room spinning.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

You groaned as you stirred from your unconscious state. Who was ringing you at this time? Hand shakily gripping onto your phone, you winced as you dropped it in the floor. You managed to swipe answer.

"Hello? Baby? You there? Why haven't you been answering my texts?!" Felix's panicked voice was heard from the floor, as your arm dangled off the side of the sofa.

"Ughhh, Lixie?" you quietly groaned, your voice sounding a distance away as Felix immediately stopped his worried ramblings.

"Y/Nnie? Babe, what was that?" Felix asked more calmly this time, although you could still hear a slight trembling in his voice over the phone.

"Feel awful," you whimpered, groaning as you shuffled slightly to sit up and grab your phone.

"Aw, babe, is it your fainting spells again?" Felix cooed over the phone, hoping the answer would be no because he knew how much you suffered in times like this.

"Y-yeah, I, I..." you trailed off, words muffled slightly before you hit the floor, hard.

"Y/Nnie? Babe?! Shit... I'm coming over," Felix immediately gathered his things and headed over to your place. He stayed on the phone on his way there and you stirred, waking up again.

"Ow," you winced, having landed on your arm.

"Baby? You're awake?" Felix sounded breathless.

"Felix? Where are you?" you groaned, sitting up and grabbing onto the sofa.

"I'm a minute away, baby, I'm nearly there," he sounded like he was entering your apartment building now. You didn't even have chance to respond before your door was being unlocked and the presence of an angel was beside you, lifting you with ease into the sofa. Hands traced your body, checking you over.

"Oh, my girl, what's been going on?" Felix pushed your hair back, scanning your face for any signs of discomfort and looking into your eyes specifically to see if you could focus on him.

"Dizzy spells, again. Been feeling so sick," you mumbled, squeezing his hand back as he sat with you, eyebrows furrowed in concern.

"You should have told me, love, I've been going crazy with worry all morning. Can I get you anything?" Felix gently cupped your face with his hand.

"Mmm, just need you right now," you yawned, eyes naturally watering and he wiped them for you.

"Ok, ok, I've got you, let's just relax for now, and if you need anything I'm right here, okay love?" Felix wrapped his arms around you, shifting his body to lay down next to you, and cradling you in his arms.

tagged: @skz-streamer @kiraisastay @hannahhbahng @backintomykpopphaseagain @sakufilms @hanjiquokkaaa @arloo00 @dunno-wut-to-do @splat00z @cheesemonky

[risenwrites]

Warnings: Suggestive, mdni, vibrator, established relationship, fluff, Law might be ooc but idk

AU: Modern

A/n: This started out ad a brain worm not long after midnight lol but it turned into this. I feel like the ending is a bit weak but I've never been good at writing endings 😔

Law stared at the tiny black remote in his hand that you had given him. Although he wasn't entirely sure what this remote was for. He glanced up from the small pink device, looking at you for any sign you'd tell him what this was supposed to be. When all you did was flush a brighter pink, he sighed softly and looked back at the remote. Slowly, his thumb brushed over the top button on the remote. He didn't press it, but you still shivered in what he could only assume was anticipation.

Thank god you were an open book sometimes. At least now he had an idea of what was happening.

"... What is this?" he asked, wanting to confirm his guess.

Hearing you stutter out nonsense had him look at you again. You were nervously fiddling with your fingers and rubbing your thighs together, confirming his suspicions without needing to say anything. A slight frown tugged down his neutral expression, but you seemed too caught up in being flustered to notice.

"I thought we agreed we weren't going to do anything like this yet," he commented, snapping you out of your flustered state.

You're eyes widen a little; then you look away with what he could only describe as embarrassment and a little shame on your face. "Yeah, I know..." you softly begin to answer, "but I felt terrible for putting that boundary about not doing anything related to sex."

Law felt his heart melt, wondering if he had unintentionally acted harshly toward you since you set that boundary about a month ago. "You really shouldn't," he said softly. "I overreacted when you told me you didn't feel ready. It's okay to set boundaries. Especially if it involves something you don't feel ready for," Law explained, hoping he sounded comforting instead of reprimanding.

"I know it's just..." you started, nervousness lacing your voice, "I set that boundary more to keep myself from breaking my beliefs and personal code rather than not feeling ready, if that makes any sense. Because even though I don't want to have sex or anything outside of marriage, I want you. I want you so bad it sometimes hurts. Late at night, I fantasize about the things I want to do with you, the things I want you to do to me, and sometimes I-I touch myself while thinking about you and those things," you confess and ramble shyly.

Law stared at you, genuinely shocked to hear you confess something so lewd. A gentle pink dusted across his face as he looked away while covering his mouth. When he glanced back at you, he saw how your eyes widened, clearly worried you had said something wrong.

Damn it, why did you have to be so cute?

"So you bought a vibrator as a sort of compromise?" Law asked, lightly pressing the top button, watching how you tensed up.

A slight smug smirk appeared on Law's face as he pressed the top button several times. He watched your face shift to one of surprise and pleasure. You whimpered and pressed your legs together in an attempt to deal with the vibrations deep in your core.

You quickly nodded, starting to fidget with your fingers again with your eyes locked on the remote in his hand. "Y-yeah... if that's okay," you answered.

Law took a step closer and placed a hand on your face only to gently put his thumb in your mouth to press down your tongue, whispering, "Trust me, it's more then just okay."

©this work belongs to risenwrites, do not repost, modify, plagiarize, translate, or share on other platforms. comments, likes, and reblogs appreciated!

[marsosims]

hi, hello! hope you have a wonderful day and lots of fun with the new pack! i was wondering how to decorate/build in the new world to make it realistic bc i want to lean into the whole SEA flair without making too sterotypical i hope you know what i mean lol so some help from someone who's filipino like yourself would mean lots for me!!

Before I answer this question, I'd just like to preface that I am NOT an expert and I'm just sharing my personal thoughts and ideas :)

-

marsosims' tips to decorating tomarang builds

Use references. I think this is probably the most important tip that I can tell you. Use references, you won't regret it! Whether it's from google earth, Pinterest, or even drawings - you have a TON of reference materials!

Here are some illustrations: Top image is a still from the movie, "Hayop Ka!", Bottom left from Arlo Jhan Bayot, Right from Albert Tan

Here are some pictures - these ones are more or less middle class, but some shared characteristics between most of them are bright walls (usually cement, wood, and the occasional fake brick wall), fenced in yards (if you could call them that), wrought iron, and most importantly, plants.

PLANTS. GO CRAZY. SEA countries are located in the tropics, which means that they have very diverse foliage... SO like go wild if you want to (especially if building in the more rural part of Tomarang). People will also have a lot of potted plants, like:

(Bougainvilleas are usually a favorite - idk if the sims has any like it?)

OPEN LAYOUT FLOORPLANS. Most houses are open concept, and hallways for residential buildings are pretty rare in my opinion.

Another thing to note are dirty kitchens, which are basically outside kitchens that you do all of your cooking so that the smell doesn't stick to your things (this is important because as I said - most houses are open concept). Cooking inside is also pretty unpleasant because SEA COUNTRIES ARE HOTTTT.

Use tiles. With interiors, I'd say that it usually varies but a staple in most homes are tiled floors, because they are cool (not in a fashion way and more a literal way) and are resistant to floods.

I almost never see people have wooden floors unless the house was an ancestral house or the house is on the cheaper side (but even then, I usually see cement or tiled floors). If you do see some wooden floors, my bet is that they're one of those cheap linoleum / vinyl ones (idk what they are exactly)

I also never see people use carpets or rugs - probably a bit too much of a hassle to deal with (but they do exist!).

As for walls, they're usually just left as cement or wood. Wallpapers weren't all that popular until recently during the pandemic when people got bored and started putting up wallpapers ksdhbfsd

Use wooden furniture where possible! Plus points if you use glass somehow. Most things are wooden, and usually do not match with each other. It actually drives me crazy at home because none of the wood tones match, but it's comforting in a way. You can see an example of this on the image above. If things weren't made of wood, they were usually plastic :)

Display those trophies / certificates! Filipinos are VERY proud of their achievements. Feel free to display those trophies, certificates, etc. front and center of your homes, where guests can see them.

-

These are all the things I can think of! I'm sorry it's a little rambly kscfksdfh I tried my best o7

If you have any questions, feel free to shoot them my way. ALSOO I'd just like to reiterate that these are just based on my personal experiences and thoughts and not everything I say may not necessarily be true for every SEA person (or even Filipino). OK BYE

[misc-obeyme]

Hi there, 📻 anon!

I am answering like this because you weren't on anon when you sent your ask, so I figured this way your identity is known only to me! I hope that's okay! (I know the identities of several of my anons actually. :3) ETA: I was on desktop when I took the screenshot of your ask, so the emoji looks a bit different than the one on mobile lol! I forget that they change between devices like that.

Okay so I recently replayed Lesson 1 and omg he's such an info dumper. Like I love Levi, he's my sweet precious baby, but wow the boy can talk. Honestly I'd probably enjoy just listening to him ramble about TSL. Like yesss tell me all the facts, I wanna know everything lol.

I honestly love the implications of TSL. Like you said, Levi seems to be completely oblivious in the beginning that the lords are based on him and his brothers. And it's really dang obvious????

TSL is interesting to me because on the one hand they use it as a way to sort of parallel a lot things for Levi - he's the one who's always wanting to cosplay as the lords and didn't we get sent into the TSL world for something involving him? Shoot now I can't remember what it was. I'm having a memory of something to do with a golden pig, too. Anyway, the point is Levi is so into this world he almost doesn't realize it's about him.

But TSL is also Simeon's creation. So it's like yeah, it means one thing for Levi, but it means something else entirely for Simeon. In his case, it feels like a commentary on how he feels like such an outsider. There is no character to represent Simeon in that world. But there is one for MC. So it's like Simeon was imagining the brothers would end up with their own Henry before even knowing who that might be. Someone who could be everything to them. A world and a family that exists without him. My poor heart!!

Anyway, I agree, Simeon's observation skills are slightly terrifying lol.

My day is going well! It's finally Friday, so that always makes me happy! I hope you're doing well, too!

[firefly--bright]

peeks and blinders (you know me)

jean kirstein x gender neutral! reader, modern au

summary : being loved required patience and time and hope. luckily, jean provided all of them, without hesitation.

warnings : feelings of being deeply alone, heavy, hurt/comfort but mostly hurt, reader might sort of have depression

a/n : aha. lol. lmao. uhmmm yeah this is incredibly self indulgent and a projection. if you relate to this please PLEASE know that you're a) not alone and also b) I'm here if you ever need anyone to talk to. i wrote this with an unhappy ending in mind but with the poll results (and let's be honest, the aot finale) I decided to make it a happy ending instead. don't worry, everything works out in the end. this fic might just be terrible if you're already sad, so reader discretion is advised! i dont expect anyone to read the whole thing!!! but if you do read it, I hope you like it because I spent way too long on it. the ending might've been a little rushed only because I wanted to get this out as soon as possible so I could move on with a new fic idea ;)

taglist : @mrsnobodynobody @holding-infinity-and-a-book @jeanscremebrulee (side note- thank you for the kind words in my taglist form's criticism/comments question. i truly, deeply appreciate it :) )

masterlist is in pinned post! ✿ requests are open! ✿ likes and reblogs are appreciated! ✿ join my taglist ✿

✿ recommended playlist to listen to while reading ✿

living with someone meant showing yourself, something you weren't afraid of. well, not afraid, more just apprehensive. there was too much of a potential to fucking up a relationship; showing yourself too much in the one place you're allowed to be yourself without restrictions and limitations. you love your friends, you love jean, but sometimes the quietness of being alone was more than welcome because it had to be.

so when jean asked you with eyes that didn't meet your own if you wanted to move in with him, you didn't answer. quiet literally, you paused from eating the slice of pizza in your hand. he continued on with his nervous 'making-up-for-the-lack-of-response' ramble, explaining how you technically already lived together, how he liked finding your toothbrush next to his, and reluctantly admitted that he sometimes used your soap when he wanted to have a good day. a speech that warmed you despite your answer.

because no matter how comfortable you'd be with anyone, sharing the same space with them was a different kind quiet, unrelenting vulnerability. the fact that you existed and let someone percieve you without hinderance was...too much to think about. you had been alone your whole life, not in a pitiable way, but in a way where you didn't have a childhood best friend. you didn't have people stick around, like you were only at a corssroad of people's lives and greeted them with familiarity and comfort that they'd craved, despite your want and desire for it yourself. they'd continue on with their path while you would sit there, patiently, passing time.

jean admitted it to you. indirectly, he had confessed that he wanted to see you vulnerable and bare open in a way that people wouldn't know you normally. in a way where you were simply a locked window that noone had the key to. but there wasn't anything special to hide, no great overview of the city or the sea or rolling hills and valleys and large fields. no, just an unimpressive view of an unmowed backyard. untamed and messy - again, nothing special. just years of neglect while also being looked at. nothing special.

you didn't want him to see it. and technically, he asked you. you stopped spiralling just as he started his own, realising the effect your non verbal answer had on him, you simply said "I'll think about it." and tried to crack jokes along until the end of the night. because if nothing, then jean deserved some peace to balance out the turbulence that came with loving you.

in all honesty, you didn't know what you did. how you comitted the monsterous feat of getting him to love you. how he loved you in your entirety (or lack of it), how he woke up everyday and chose to love you despite everything that you took from him, drawing out his grumbling patience and gentleness because loving you meant waiting. loving you always, somehow, meant not loving you, because there was no way someone would know you, all your stories and opinions and ideas and still choose to love you.

living with you meant knowing your anatomy. not of your physical, breathing body, but the inside of your organs. it meant knowing that your stomach was filled with guilt, that your mouth could only utter whispers of people who once loved you and 'im sorries' to someone who won't know. it meant knowing that your hands were always aching to be held, that your skin was only ever warm when it was loved. it meant knowing that your chest was always heaving, yearning for a breath of relief that would never arrive. it meant knowing that your eyes always wandered off to the weighing scale kept at the back of your closet, always wandered off to find another pair of eyes that would look similar to yours. it meant knowing that your hair was always knotted with the doubts your mouth would never ask. it meant knowing so much about you, about the grey matter in your brain and about what flowed through your veins was nothing but pure doubt and discomfort with the unholy temple that was your body, the temple without a god, the temple that noone went back to. a body without a home.

he wouldn't want to know. he shouldn't want to know, and more importantly, he wouldn't like finding out. it would either be too much or too little, and his fingers would cramp up with the effort it took for him to pry you open, only for no prize to be met with. besides, you were okay just talking to yourself, no matter how insane it sounded. you got through so many years being self-sufficient, right? you didn't know how to handle it, handle someone actually loving you without doubt. you had lived long enough without it. someone loving you was new, something you didn't have a map for, something you didn't have any precautions against.

you and jean slept together that night. in the same bed, breathing the same air, under the same covers. you didn't share the same sleep, however, as his mind made dreams and yours went on like an unfinished painting - a list of unfullfilled answers, no meanings, trying and failing to come together. you found yourself watching him breathe; just his chest moving up and down and up and down, your hands twiching to rest on top of his but you didn't know if that's where they'd belong. if his body would wake itself up because of your touch - everyone was always surprised by how cold your fingers were. you were used to it.

maybe living with him wouldn't be that bad, right? as he said, you already shared the same space to a point where the pair of you felt comfortable enough to not care if your hair was groomed perfectly or if the colours and patterns of your outfit were clashing. but would he like it? would he like just how much more comfortable you could get? just how much you could ask for? just how long you could lock yourself up in the bathroom and try to cry? would he like to know just how long you sometimes spent on your bed, refusing to get up because your heart felt too heavy for your chest? for when your heart felt like it could fall through your back, punch a hole through the ground and bury itself in the earth until it could somehow bonify and fossilize and archeologists would recognise, instantly, that it didn't belong there.

he'd leave. that was something you knew for a fact. your love wouldn't be wasted, ofcourse not, neither would the time, but maybe he'd leave feeling like he'd wasted himself at your expense. or maybe he wouldn't think about you at all.

your night was spent with your brain spiralling - thoughts about how you didn't know how to handle being loved the way he loved you, about how you probably never had a childhood best friend that was still in your life because the phases of your life weren't meant for anyone but yourself to see, about how much your hair fell due to the stress of distracting yourself from overwhelming sadness by studying and creating while also being only slightly average at it. you fell asleep thinking about how the abundance of being alone, to you, meant being not alone at all, because there was no differenciation of company and lonlieness because there hadnt been any company to remind you of the lonliness at all- your eyes had fluttered closed and breathing evened.

jean always wondered if you were hiding something from him. not in a bad way, not in the way where he couldn't say he loves you, but in the way where you'd hesitate. and if he didn't love you as much, he probably wouldn't have even noticed. but fortunately, he did know you. a little too well.

he knew how much you loved the crunchy autumn leaves, so much so that you would alter your paths just to crunch one under your boot, a smile of satisfaction gracing your face after hearing the noise it made. he knew how much your fingers would reach out for his. he knew how much you tried - with everything. he knew of your unsaid struggles, knew when and what made your mood sour. and he loved it, he loved the fact that he knew all of those thing but more importantly, loved that he loved them.

loving you felt like it was a built-in feature.

but despite all of this, he didn't know why. he didn't know why you were the way you were. he knew you tried, but he didn't know why. he knew you struggled, but didn't know why. and it was driving him crazy, especially after last night. he couldn't help himself, even if he could see you, again, trying to diffuse the situation with lighthearted jokes, he couldn't help but think a little too much.

did you not want to? jean had always been honest about how much he struggled with being either too much or too little, about how much the words hurled by his friends when he was young hurt him, about how much his love proved to be uncomfortable and silent and resigned. maybe his honesty was too much for you. maybe you didn't like the burdens he came with, maybe you didn't like knowing how much his father's absence had affected him, or about how much his previous partner altered the way he saw himself to a miserable extent. you hadn't asked for all of this, all of him, all of his parts. maybe you were getting sick of it.

or maybe, if Jean's knowledge about you served right, you were being hesitant again.

he swears he doesn't mind it. you not wanting to move in with him wasn't a problem, but he just wished he knew why. the whole day, the only thing on his mind was how he could feel less hesitant towards him, god, anyone but him. he knew, firsthand, how it felt being so overwhelmed by inconsequencial doubt where he was left with so many regrettable unanswered questions engraved into the palm of his hands because he kept them hidden in his fist for too long, where he wishes, prays, and hopes for an answer that he knows will never arrive even if he doesn't look for it.

there are many things jean wishes and prays and hopes for. you're not one of them. but only because you're here. he doesn't need any other wish to be fulfilled or prayer to be answered or hope to sparkle. you are, inadvertently, all of them. a love without doubt, a wish without a cost, a prayer without a sacrifice, a hope without desperation. you're all of them. you're everything.

but he knows that if he's hesitant this time, if he doesn't reach out to grab you, if he doesn't do something, no matter how desperate, he will most ceratinly feel a deeper regret than he has ever felt before. and yes he may be exxagerating it, but he doesn't care. he'd learnt not to care when he was with you - he's learnt to be comfortable with you and around you. he wants to tell you that it's okay if you don't want to move in with him because his home is wherever you would be, his home is his hand on your thigh, his home is watching you blink in thought, his home is the sound of your footsteps. his home is anywhere with you. you are the only person who has the right to know that.

he makes his familiar way over to your apartment. you're not home yet, sasha informs him with a sleepy voice and messed up hair, "but you can wait in their room." she says because everyone knows that you wouldn't mind him waiting in your room. including him.

he does your routine - the one he's seen you do countless of times when you enter your room - take off his coat and hang it on the back of your door where one of the hooks is kept empty for him, shoulder his bag off and put it down on the spot next to your desk, turn on the desk lamp and the night lamp because you refused to turn the overhead lights on, because "they are so hideous why would I want to turn them on," according to you, and then finally occupy the space on your bed, laying his back down and his hands resting on his stomach as he waited for you.

staring at the cracking paint on the ceiling of your bedroom, jean thinks. from his pending homework that he's mentally figuring out how to schedule to how he's going to conduct this new group project with people he has never talked to before to how is it already the second last year of University because it felt like the first day was yesterday, until finally his thoughts landed on you. of course it would always lead to you.

it started from him thinking about University, then about how he met you on the second day, seeing you in one of his classes, sitting diagonaly across him, how you conducted yourself, slipping your bag off and checking your phone. then it turned to him seeing you at the freshers party where he saw his now ex-partner with someone he knew he shouldve questioned more. how he stormed off of the party with half tears of sadness and half of anger, catching a glimpse of you in the corner of the room, looking kind of lost. he saw you multiple times after that but never talked to you. he saw you at an ice-cream parlor once. he wanted to talk to you, but Connie had loudly confirmed the tickets to this new concert, which took away Jean's attention from you. but then he was introduced to you by Marco, because of course it would be Marco who had the pleasure to befriend amazing people. he met you then, properly, when you introduced yourself, and he nodded at you with little regard.

jean shook his head with a little smile. he had been so stupid, that day. he barely looked in your direction as you got acquainted with Marco, Connie and sasha, but he didn't disregard the fact that you looked less lost than you were at the party.

you had a way of sticking around, jean found out after that. he didn't realise when you had slipped into his life, hiding in plain sight. one night he found himself awake the same time as you and the next, he found himself saving a seat for you in the class you shared with him. soon enough, you knew him as well as he knew you, and there was softness in the recognition your eyes held when they met with his. the same appreciation of his existence, something he hadn't felt before. he couldn't say that he knew you as well as the back of his hand, because really, he knew you like the back of your hand, because he'd looked at your hands more than he'd ever looked at his, noticing all the little creases and scars and veins and hairs. he knew what warmth they held, he'd felt it after your hands made their way into his while walking back to your dorm on a cold night. a night jean would never forget because he had frantically knocked on your door right after leaving you there, because his senses had finally worked and he had finally found out that he wanted to kiss you. and he did, and you kissed back, and jean swore he had never been happier even while he could hear sasha and Connie and Marco cheering for the both of you. he kissed your forehead as a goodnight that night. you were in his shirt.

you were his home before he even knew what his home was, before he could find out for himself. you became an answer with a question.

he sighed, hearing your footsteps make their way through the tiny apartment, saying a small "hi," to sasha who was sleeping on the couch. the door to your room swung open just as jean sat up, his weight resting on his forearms on your mattress. you didn't seem surprised that he was there, just flashing a smile at him before removing your bag and placing it down, and jean felt his heart flutter with comfort as your presence filled the room.

his eyes trailed you as you did the same thing he did a few moments ago, plopping yourself down right next to him. your breathing evened out with his as the two of you lay in silent comfort before jean spoke.

his voice was a low hum. the words were barely different, but you understood them anyway. "yknow you can talk to me about anything, right? even if it's sad or not funny or not...I don't know, not remarkable. you can say it. i won't laugh unless you want me to." he says. it's a flimsy promise, but you know his words hold a meaning that you can't quiet grasp.

his palm lays on top of the back of your hand.

he's warm. scarily so, because why would someone hold so much warmth towards you? more importantly, jean extended his hand without even meaning to, like muscle memory, which was, again, terrifying, because loving you as habitual purpose was scarier than you having to prove yourself for it.

your shoulders relax almost instantly; habitually and with purpose. was the purpose of it to not have a purpose at all? was the meaning of your being to not have any meaning at all? was it just to love despite it?

you wanted to do good. not in a special or overly remarkable way, because you knew you would never reach that mark because you never had, but in the way where you'd be recognized. in crowded rooms, you'd be sought out for because of your "goodness" - be it reliability, comfort, all the things you usually associated with jean. which was ironic, because noone who didn't know him like you did would ever think of jean in that way.

"i.." you say, trailing off. you want to say that you know, but it'd be a lie. it'd be a false promise, and jean didn't need that any more than he needed you. so you say, "I'll keep that in mind."

jean doesn't buy it. his hand squeezes yours, stubbornly. "no, i don't want you to keep that in mind, I want you to want to do it." he says. his head turns towards you, watching the side of your face with an expression you know better than anything. the slight furrow of his brows, slightest scowl on his face that was masked by a layer of genuine concern.

"what I mean is.... you don't have to be so hesitant with me." he says. you want to blink back surprise, except that it's not really surprising. he's seen you, more so than anyone ever has, so it's not surprising that he'd see if one day was affecting you worse than the other days. it makes you want to scream because you don't know how to deal with it.

you close your eyes as if that would help. it wasn't like you were good at running away from affection, mostly because you never needed to. if anything, you were used to running towards it, desperately, just trying. but here it was, now, the resolution of it all, of all of the aches and creakings of your deepest yearnings, yet you couldn't seem to look at it. look at him - at jean, your best friend, someone you'd do anything for - with eyes that matched his.

you sigh. there's a deep silence, and jean isn't anticipating anything. his hand is still on yours and he feels you squeeze it tightly, but he isn't going anywhere for you to hold on to him. even if he wasn't tethered to you, he'd want to stay by your side, without any precautions or promise of a fruitful result. he'd stay with you regardless.

he isn't waiting for you to say anything, because being with you feels more than adequate, like it's instinct, like his shoulders relaxing when it's just the two of you, or like that tingly feeling in his chest when you kiss his cheek after a long day.

but when you do speak, it's with resignation and certain grief. "i dont think you'll like me. if I... if we move in together, I think, realistically, you won't like it."

"how can you be so sure?" he asks. it's not a serious question, but he thinks it's a start. you're doing it, you're being less hesitant, and atleast that's somewhere to begin.

"i just am." you say, shrugging. but it's not a fact, atleast, it shouldn't be. it isn't to jean. he's rolling his eyes now, but he's not annoyed or digusted. "how?" he presses, because he knows there's more, there always had been with you.

"i get too much. and then too little. like none of it is ever just right. and I'm scared that you'll see it and...I don't know, get frustrated at my lack of everything." you say. there's truth in every word even though you desperately wish there wasn't. you're still hesitating, but it's less so. your hand is still in his, still squeezing it. it was predictable - something you found yourself relying on - the warmth of his palm and the way his hand would also engulf yours with the same echoing softness it always had. even if his fingers were calloused and a little rough, it didn't matter. they still held you the same.

he's clinging onto every word you're saying, every small explanation, every twitch of your eyebrows. he knows what's going to come, he knows there's going to be an admission of guilt coming on soon enough but he also knows, more importantly, that he'll be there to tell you that no, he does not regret loving you, and yes, he will keep doing it over and over and over again.

"I've never been... wanted like this. or like anything, I guess. and I'm so scared," you breathe in deeply, keeping your tears at bay. jean pushed himself onto his forearm, looking at you in a way you've never been looked at before. "I'm so scared of disappointing you because I think that's all I've ever done. that's all I know how to do." the box is open now, and it's not forced or pried with effort. jean has always known how to open it, you think, you just didn't let him. he does it now, with the same hands you find comfort in, the same gentleness that his eyes have always held for you.

you're crying. you don't have anything else to add to your statements, and they hang in the air as if waiting for you to complete them, expecting you to do something. but you don't and you can't and jean is holding you, his hands are at your sides and your nose is buried into his shoulder and you think the words and the expectations can wait for now, or for however long jean is willing to take care of you.

your shoulders shake. jean is whispering into your ear, asking you to breathe. he's saying it so kindly that you feel the need to comply, and when your lungs finally calm, he rewards you with a kiss on your forehead.

you think if how much of a liability all of this is. about how much you weigh in emotions when you're this open and vulnerable. not even like an open, unhealing wound, but more like that feeling you get when you finally decide to read an unread text message that had been sitting there for a month, but you're the person who both sent the text and also the one replying to it and also the one who was watching it unfold. you caused this, you were the only one who was replying, and you were also the witness to all of this.

but now jean was here. it was unusal and strange - someone being there, actually, physically and mentally present instead of those placating "you'll get over its" that were repeated to you by the few people you decided to open up to.

the two of you are silent now, only broken up by deep, almost heaving breaths from you, something you wish you would stop doing. instead of you digging your nails into your palms like all the other times, your nails are clinging onto jeans clothes, and he doesn't seem to mind. instead of it being your blankets like all the other times, it was Jean's soft heat wrapped around you, moving with each breath you took until your chest didn't feel as heavy anymore.

"i know." he says, finally. he doesn't expect you to answer, ofcourse, but he knows you're listening because you shift slightly in his arms. "i know...too well, what it's like. i know that moving in means more to you than it means to people in general. i know that it's not even about moving in together. i.." he's being hesitant. finding the right words, but for once, Jean's happy about this trait of his. he's glad he rethinks decisions and the next time when he tries again, he's more sure of it. hes sure that he loves you, hes sure that he wasn't made to love you but he grew into it because there's that choosing again, the fact that yes, he did probably have a choice, but he would never even consider it. he doesn't want to consider it and maybe that's more important than there even being a choice. he wishes he could put it into words that would make sense.

instead, he opts to say, "I am so sorry you had to think all of this all alone for so long. but I'm...I'm here now. i know that won't solve everything instantly, ofcourse it won't, but I will be here until it will. i will wait."

there's promise in his voice, a conviction that you hadn't heard before. you trust him, you always have, but you don't know if you trust yourself with this. you don't trust yourself to be someone he loves. he's quick to quiet your concerns after yet another peck on your forehead.

"but don't you think I take too much?" you ask. its doubtful, the steps you're taking on the usually thick ice that has turned too thin too fast. you're afraid you're going to offend him, but you stand no chance against Jean's all-knowing sigh. it's not a tired sound, not one anyone gives before they're about to give up. you're not sure what kind of sigh it is, but jean doesn't let you figure it out for yourself because he's answering.

the ice turns into concrete. he's become your footing, the reason you're still standing and not under numerous feet of cold water. "i dont think you're taking. your....your love doesn't ask to take. you love despite everything, not because of it. everyone, including me, focuses on how to be loved, on how to be a perfect image that probably won't last for too long, but you..... you focus on shaping your love, the love you give. i dont know if you've noticed it, but you do. you don't take too much, you give without expectations. you give with hope. it's beautiful." he pauses. "you're beautiful." he says. he's not looking anywhere else but your eyes that are welling up with familiar tears.

you suck in a breath. "im not used to sweet words, jean," you say, the breath you held releasing with a bittersweet smile. "i dont know how to handle all of this love you're giving me. i think... i think you love me too much." another tear down your cheek and onto the mattress. jean wipes away it's remnants.

"i dont love you nearly enough." he says with the same laugh you had given him, "but you'll grow into it. just like how you grew into everything else, you'll grow into being loved. i grew into it too," he says. his forehead touches yours. the proximity makes you shiver. "i grew into just how much you love me. and I wanna keep growing into it because I love loving you. i love you loving me, as selfish as it sounds."

you take a moment to register his words. yes, you weren't used to being so vehemently and stubbornly loved and taken care of, but you could. you could get used to it, get used to crying in your beloved's arms, being fed spoonfuls of carefully heated up soup that would settle into your belly, being looked at for more than a split second. you couldn't fathom it now, sure, only because you could've never believed it before, but that could change. you could grow into loving love, into accepting it just as freely as you had given it.

jean wasn't holding you with a death grip because he knew that you wouldn't leave, atleast, he didn'tanymore. he would've done it, he had all the reasons to. if he were still fifeteen, he would've thought that he had to come beg and cling on to love to make it stay. he had to do something spectacular, something entirely not himself in order to prove that he was atleast worth giving a try but with you...he didn't have to beg. he didn't even have to ask. for a while it felt undeserved, all of this care you were giving his somehow beating heart, all of this ointment you were providing to his broken bones, but he somehow, miraculously, grew into it, because he let you in. he let you see him with the eyes that would rival the ones he was sure the gods had, he let you see him and all his unknown and unsaid sins and let you love him anyway because you wanted to, because you didn't see something in him - a potential of something greater - but you saw him as he was. as he is. and nothing in your smile changed. and if you could do that, then he'd be damned if he didn't love you the same.

no words were said after that, only Jean's heartbeat mingling with your own in your ear. both of your eyes were closed, his hands relaxed on your back, your chest no longer heaving, commanding you to pay attention to it.

you fell asleep in the silence of promise.

---

the promise continued even a week later, turning into two, turning into four, wherein jean kept loving you despite and because of, unafraid and unwavering and for the first time, without any hesitance.

you were keeping up on your promise too. trying to accept it - all of this affection, his affection - without hesitance. it was hard but mundane things usually are and you continued to grow and mend and try, above all else, which was more than jean hoped for.

he's passing you the brush he had slathered the perfect amount of toothpaste on, slipping into the comfort of the cool night warmed by the heat of your previously taken shower in your bathroom. you smile at him as a thanks, and he nods as a welcome, and no words are spoken. no words need to be spoken, and his right hand makes its way to the small of your back, his left brushing his teeth as you start brushing yours and you think that maybe everything is uncertain. everything always has been and always will be, and loving someone has always been uncertain, too. being loved has always come with doubt and guilt and shame. but the only difference was that now, both of you hoped. you hoped that everything would be alright in the end, jean hoped that he'd get to share the same bed as you in the end.

hope was flimsy and hopeless, too optimistic, but now it served as something you both shared. the shared sentiment of hoping that you'd have eachother till the end was more important than the uncertainty. it meant that both of you would keep trying. you don't need to be sitting, waiting patiently and hopelessly at the same crossroad now, because Jean's hand is on the small of your back, the watch on his wrist is still and unticking, and you're walking down the same road with the same landmarks and the same gravel because you want to. you've moved from your old spot on the pavement because you want to. you're learning how to love the sound of your own footsteps, how to love the action of one foot infront of the other, and the best part is, Jean's learning too.

loving isn't a reciprocal or a transaction or a grand 'aha!' it's an act of hope. hoping they'll see you the same. hoping they'll have the same hopes as you. hoping they'll want to be loved by you, because hope doesn't require anything grand, hoping doesn't require a god to pray to or a cost to pay. it requires soft, undettered, unsaid patience. something jean, persistently, had. something you, stubbornly, held.

you paused from brushing your teeth to look at your love. you were wearing his old t-shirt that had faint stains of ink and old paint on it, and he was donning the headband you had owned for years to keep his hair out of his face. he glances at you through the mirror, then turns to you, nodding to you, eyebrows arching in a question.

you spit out the toothpaste into the sink. looking back to him, you say, with all the conviction and hope you can muster up, "I want to move in with you."

jeans mouth turns upwards, still full of toothpaste. he doesn't say anything. he doesn't need to say anything.

everything's already been said, already been understood.

because he knows you. and he couldn't be more happier to.

(when you pick the curtains for your new home, you are held up by jean, who's hands grasp the ladder you're on. you're looking down on him after the work is done and he's smiling, and you're smiling, and at night you're using the same stove to make the same dinner that the two of you will share along with some old wine and old stories. he holds you when you fall asleep, and your arms are around his torso as he snores softly. your love is stored in the blood of his veins. his love is stored in the palm of your hands, and even if you don't hold it, it still stays there, unmoving, growing, attached.)

✿

[drbtinglecannon]

Why hello there buddy, hope you didn't think you weren't gonna get an ask in return >w> So hey for that fic ask, how about numbers... 1, 11, 29, 39, 50, and 75! And yee same, just however many you feel like answering :D

Haha I actually forgor so this is a lovely surprise! ^^

Hell yeah I will answer all of them! 💪💪 Unless I already did, I think I got a few of these before

1. Do you daydream before you write, or go for it as soon as the idea strikes?

I did answer that here! But basically I daydream a LOT but sometimes that keeps me from finishing the fic because it's like "I already wrote it" in my head, and other times I will just go for it and finish the idea in one sitting but that really only works for one-shots (which is most of what I write anyway). The fic I posted yesterday I just wrote it as the idea came to me

11. Do you write scenes in order, or do you jump around?

I used to force myself to slog through writing everything in order, but it killed so many wip by making me bored of the idea because I wasn't writing the fun bits yet, so now I jump around haha. Which does sometimes create issues when I start bridging the bits together and have to tweak or completely cut stuff, but it overall keeps me writing more and helps my creativity flowing by quickly getting down the parts I want to and building around them

39. What's your most self-indulgent wip?

29. What's something about your writing that you're proud of?

Also answered here! But sure I can give myself another compliment I earned it!

I'm proud of how my writing has improved over the years. Obviously any skill gets better the more you work it (I say as someone who typically gets distressed and will immediately drop something if I'm not instantly perfect at it 👍) but it's been really satisfying seeing my writing get good enough to be in a couple zines and having people enjoy what I've shared :) so thanks everyone who's ever been nice to my writing haha

For something that's almost done, it's a joke about a trope I never thought I'd write that got way too out of hand and sentimental instead of just quick dirty horny lol. Whoops ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

As far as planned out but not close to being done writing wise, it's a long fic for an obscure ot3 that died pre-canon and it's following the development of their relationships before exploding into their individual horrific deaths, and then maybe a sequel that follows a slightly canon divergent yet still canon compliant idea of what sets about the trainwreck leading to their deaths. Including me it'll maybe have 4 fans haha, but that's fine I love the concept and am having fun daydreaming about it. It's extremely self-indulgent to the point it's embarrassing

50. How would you describe your writing style?

1% evil (syntax) 99% hot gas (banter)

Hahah, but yeah I think I really thrive with conversation but I also really really enjoy working sentences until they bleed (aka I gave up) to convey as much info and emotion as I can without being too wordy, because outside of writing stories/fic/poems I'm an rambling mess that says "like" and "fuck" far too much haha! It's my only time to be concise ✌️

75. Is there a particular fic that readers gravitated towards that you didn't expect?

My first ever fic both that I wrote and posted. It blew up a lot more than I ever expected or hoped, and it still gets kudos regularly and comments occasionally, and is still by far my most popular fic haha

Unfortunately that causes me the tiniest 🤏 amount of psychic damage each time because while I'm thrilled people still enjoy it and that it's been read by so many people, it does not hold up to my current writing skills by any means. Oh boy it is rough around the edges haha

[layla4567]

First of all. Loved your Mr. Tophat fic. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but with how you wrote him having a little tantrum and throwing his tophat on the ground, I could visualize that perfectly in my head. It made me laugh. Kudos to you. With that being said, whenever you get the chance, can I get Mr. Tophat x fem!reader who visits the carnival of doom and they’re a student journalist? They have a camera and walk around taking photos of the carnival to write of news review about it. Reader decided on making a story about the carnival since they’ve always loved the carnival and circus aesthetic and overall environment. Obviously mr. Tophat takes notice of this and as much as he is honored they love his carnival enough to make a news story about it, no one is supposed to remember it. So what is he to do about this situation? I’ll leave that up to you! Thank you again! And I’ll understand if you can’t write this! Sorry for rambling, I just love this character sm.

First of all: Your message made my day! You don't know how gratifying it is for me to know that you imagined the scene just as I thought of it, thank you very much. Second: Sorry for taking so long to answer this request 😭, your idea was very good and I loved it but when I wanted to write the story I had a little creative block lol (well besides I was writing other things) that said I hope you enjoy this story :)

ARE YOU LOST?

Mr. Tophat x Female reader

Summary: Your work as a journalist is not all joy and honey, when you come across the Carnival of Doom you will regret having visited it… or not?

Warnings: not proofread, mention of dagger wound, a tiny bit of blood mention nothing too serious, the reader is of legal age, maybe a dark/angst ending(?

WC: 3k

As a journalism student you are almost always outside your house taking photographs or taking notes about everything you see. In your room there were newspaper clippings that you took as inspiration and some of your own work that you had proudly framed on the wall. But your passion was not only journalism and getting juicy news but also carnivals and circuses. All that themes had always caught your attention since you were a child, you always thought that circuses, no matter how happy and fun they were on the outside, on the inside seemed mysterious and gloomy, hiding dark secrets and that fascinated you. That's why you didn't hesitate to visit the Carnival of Doom when you saw a poster days ago hanging on a street pole, it looked interesting and you hoped it wouldn't disappoint you.

Now you were lying on your bed with one leg bent over the other, sighing and holding up in front of your eyes the circus pamphlet that you had torn from the pole. You weren't sure whether to go or not, you had heard wonders about the circus (at least wonders for you) that it was mysterious and intriguing and was unlike any other. And where there is a mystery you always have to keep your nose in the matter, but… what if everything was a failure? It wouldn't be the first time you've been disappointed by news that seems incredible and then isn't even half of what they said. That's what you were doing when your mother knocked on the door before entering.

"Come in"

Your mother brought a tray with a sandwich and a glass of orange juice.

"Hi honey, sorry, I thought you were studying, I didn't want to interrupt you."

"Don't worry mum, I was taking a little break"

You left the bed and reached out to grab the tray that your mother lovingly handed you.

"It's ok love, don't stress too much and if you need anything else call me, alright?"

She caressed your cheek and you nodded, smiling. After she left your room, you sat at your desk and ate a little despite not being that hungry. Your head couldn't stop thinking about that damn circus. Ready to finish that once and for all, you grabbed your bag and put everything you needed: A notepad, your camera that you had bought with your savings and a small recorder just in case. You left your room and went down to the kitchen where your mother was still cooking, it seemed like she never got tired but that was her love language: making food.

She turned around when she felt your steps down the stairs.

"Oh Y/n, did you finish eating so quickly, daughter? Do you want something else, my love?"

You smiled sweetly "No mom, I'm fine. I just wanted to say that I'm going out for a while to photograph something and get some good news."

Your mother shook her head smiling as she looked back at the boiling pot on the stove. "Fine but please don't come back late, okay?"

You ran to put your arms around his shoulders and give him a soft kiss on his cheek. "I promise. You're the best, love ya!"

With your backpack on your shoulder you headed towards the famous circus. The sun fell over the horizon and dyed the sky soft lilacs and blues while the clouds contrasted in warmer colors such as oranges, pinks and yellows. When you arrived you noticed something different in the place, as if a cloudy and heavy atmosphere had settled in the air, but that wouldn't stop you, you were a girl who was difficult to scare. The circus was surrounded by all kinds of people: Contortionist women arching their backs and putting their heads between their legs while they couldn't stop staring at you, sword swallowers or men spitting fire like dragons. Although everything seemed threatening, you simply smiled sideways and took several photos. The closer you got to the entrance you saw clowns with sad makeup and ridiculous big shoes.

"Oh look at that"

You took a photo again and the clown seemed to frown, there was another one with a big made-up smile, you pointed the lens at his face and zoomed in but when you were going to take the photo you noticed something strange. Despite the cheerful makeup you could see deep anguish in his eyes, behind that false smile the clown seemed to ask for help with his pupils. Suddenly a tear seemed to roll down her cheek. You frowned and lowered the camera.

"Okay that was weird.."

You decided to spend that awkward moment and entered the tent where excited and anxious people were waiting for you sitting in the seats. In the center there was an empty round beach. You sat near the front with your camera ready, hoping to photograph the great presenter and hoping that they wouldn't take your camera away. They said that the ringleader was a fascinating man. Suddenly the lights went out and only two turned on pointing towards the center, the people's voices became a murmur until silence reigned. A tall figure wearing a black top hat slowly approached the platform from the darkness. You couldn't see almost anything but you heard a noise like something hitting the wood, when you realized it the distinguished man was already in the center with a cane in his hands. He carried it forward by his legs and stood tall, he was wearing a blood red jacket, black gloves and white pants with black stripes, it reminded you a little of Bettlejuice.

His hat was so big that it covered much of his features except his smile. A sinister smile with its corners stretched up to the ears. Suddenly he raised his head and you saw his eyes, green and just as hypnotic as his smile, everyone said that the circus presenter was mesmerazing but they had never said that he was so... attractive.

He cleared his throat and with a solemn gesture said "Ladies and gentlemen, human beings and creatures from the other side, I am your humble host Mr. Tophat and today I will be your guide that will take you to a totally new experience."

Mr. Tophat looked at the entire audience, but when you gave a small giggle upon hearing his stage name, he shifted his gaze until he met your eyes, and pierced them as if he wanted to enter your soul.

"I hope you like all of this and remember no matter how weird things get, it's all part of the show."

He said winking without taking his eyes off you, he bowed slightly and smiled again with that wide and macabre smile. The lights went out and when they came back on Mr. Tphat had disappeared from the platform. Everyone applauded but you felt a chill on the back of your neck, it was the first time you felt uncomfortable in a circus, you had always loved it when you were a child but you had to admit that this one truly was unique and not in a positive way. You shook your head remembering why you were there and prepared your camera, taking out the flash so as not to alert anyone. The first presentation was a man throwing knives at a target. At first it was quite boring, the target wasn't that far away and the man didn't even have his eyes closed. As if they had read your mind, the man took out a blindfold and covered his eyes, ok this was getting interesting. He aimed perfectly and hit all the knives. Suddenly Mr. Tophat appeared and asked for a volunteer to please come on stage. A 12-year-old girl raised her hand and walked up to the stage. The swordsman accompanied her to the target and you saw that they tied her wrists and ankles with a strap. You frowned and tilted your head, the entire audience seemed equally confused so the ringleader raised a hand to calm the atmosphere.

"Please don't be scared, everything is under control"

Mr. Tophat nodded to the man for permission and then began throwing the knives at the target. Everyone held their breath expecting the worst, but luckily no knife hurt the girl even though they passed close to her body. The audience applauded in relief while the presenter smiled satisfied. You raised the camera to your eyes and took a couple of photos without realizing that Mr. Tophat noticed.

"See? I told you so. But now how about we up the ante?"

People didn't understand what that meant but it couldn't be anything good. The ringleader grabbed the blindfold and covered the man's eyes. The audience felt their blood freeze and not even the flying of a fly could be heard, even the girl seemed to tremble with fear. The man stood tall and threw the first knife that hit the target over the little girl's head. The audience gasped and the girl screamed in fear while the presenter watched everything in amusement. The next knives stabbed near his arm, his stomach, and his inner thighs in that order while Mr. Tophat uttered enthusiastic, Machiavellian laughter. A dagger had grazed the girl's skin a little, causing her to bleed slightly, but despite that the girl was unharmed. The audience was horrified and seemed glued to their seats, unable to move or blink. This was definitely something new for you.

The following acts were not as disturbing as the previous one but they were still strange. You took as many photos as you could until you noticed that Mmr. Tophat looked at you suspiciously. At the end of the performance Mr. Tophat bowed, taking off his hat and saying goodbye laughing. After that strange performance, people didn't know whether to applaud or run. Without much applause, the people slowly left the tent in silence as if they were leaving a funeral. You sat there a little longer trying to process what had just happened. Was it all real or a vile trick? Mr. Tophat had said it was all part of the shor but… was it really all planned? You didn't even want to imagine what would have happened to that poor girl if the man missed with the daggers.

You got up determined to photograph the place and maybe you could even sneak into the dressing rooms and find out what everything was like backstage. You had a hunch that not everything was as it seemed, and if you could get the scoop on some dark secret of the circus you would be very successful. ! You could already imagine the covers: "Excentrio circus hides a macabre mystery about its shows."

Stealthy and silent as a mouse you slipped behind the curtain to photograph something, anything would do. Behind it were messy ropes and cables as well as wooden crates. You opened one trying not to make noise and looking everywhere nervous. You expected to discover human parts, rotten tentacles or something much worse but when you opened it you only found circus clothes. You searched the background a little but there was nothing suspicious, disappointed you walked further finding a dark door in a hallway. It was the only one and it was a little ajar, you hesitated whether to go in or not since that would be an invasion of privacy and you didn't want to be too disrespectful. But you wanted to get to the bottom of it so you grabbed the knob and sighed.

"It's all for my work"

Upon entering you noticed a mirror with bright, blinding lights that belonged to a white dresser. To your right was a large mahogany closet. You approached to see it closer and noticed a beautiful carving of roses on its edges. You did a 180 degree turn trying to find something interesting but damn there was nothing, where had all the people gone?

You walked over to the dresser and looked at the table trying to find something. There was a lot of makeup powder and some books. You picked one up and read on the cover "Dark magic and its secrets." Finally something interesting. You took a few photos, you were so focused on it that you didn't realize that someone was behind you.

"Didn't they teach you that it's rude to go through other people's belongings?"

You jumped and screamed as you turned around. Standing there with his cane on his shoulders was Mr. Tophat looking at you seriously. He placed the tip of the cane on the floor and approached slowly, without rushing, as if he knew you had no escape. And in fact it was

With every step he took you moved further away and stuck your body to the edge of the dresser, leaning your back back trying in vain to keep the distance between him and you. When the man was close enough, he raised the brim of his hat slightly with his index finger to look at you better. God, he was even more intimidating in person. His cologne flooded your nostrils and intoxicated you like the most powerful old wine. You had to close your eyes tightly to avoid his green-eyed gaze on yours.

"So you're the camera girl who was in the audience."

You opened your eyes in surprise and your eyebrows raised somewhat fearfully which caused Tophat's Cheshire smile as a soft guttural laugh left his lips.

"Oh please dear, you don't think I didn't notice do you?"

You swallowed loudly as you felt him get even closer to you and his gaze scanned you. He went from your eyes to slowly travel to your body, his almost predatory gaze made you nervous. His eyes finally stopped at your backpack that you were carrying over your shoulder.

"Mmh, what do we have here little one?

He quickly put his hand in your bag and took out your notebook.

"No! Give me that, it's mine!"

He laughed amused and held the notebook up while with his other hand on your shoulder he moved your body away from him, preventing you from reaching your notebook.

"Let's see what we have here, shall we?"

With his thumb he opened the notebook to a random page and his eyes quickly scanned your messy handwriting. When he read something his eyes widened slightly and his corners stretched up a little.

"Oh my my, but what is this I read here?" He quickly gave you a mischievous and surprised look as he returned his eyes to the paper "It's the first time that I have visited this circus and I find myself with the first pleasant surprise: The ringleader is not only magnetic and hypnotizing as many said, but he is also quite handsome."

You screamed in annoyance and embarrassment as you pathetically tried to squirm to escape his grasp and reach for his hand but he was stronger and just laughed loudly at your efforts. Then he threw the notebook aside and looked at you funny.

"You flatter me deeply, darling" He said, placing his hand over his heart. "They have called me many things, but this is the first time that a girl as pretty as you calls me handsome."

He smiled at you and gave a small bow without taking his eyes off yours just like he did when you were in the seats. Then he stood up and became a little more serious.

"Now let's talk seriously. Why did you really come to my circus? Are you a photographer?"

"Jo-journalism student"

Why did you have to tell him what you did? Stupid. You could have lied to him and that's it, he didn't have to know the truth. But shit, he was so intimidating and those almost neon green eyes made you dizzy if you looked at them for too long. His penetrating gaze made you feel naked, vulnerable before him, as if he could see through your skin, beyond your flesh.

"Ah I see.."

Mr. Tophat with his cane made slow circles around you like a vulture hungry for carrion. He looked you up and down, studying you, and was delighted when you turned your head nervously so as not to lose sight of him. Suddenly he stood next to you almost face to face and grabbed your chin tightly, making you turn your face so you could look at him, you moaned in pain.

"And I suppose the journalist wanted to reveal the secrets of this carnival, am I wrong?"

Faced with your silence, he lifted your chin so he could see you well.

"Come on, let me see those pretty eyes of yours and use your words, my dear."

It was the first time you felt afraid, really afraid. You didn't consider yourself a scary person at all, you laughed at horror movies and you loved supernatural things. But this was different, a feeling of danger oppressed your chest. Even so, you drew strength and courage from your gut to answer.

"Maybe"

At your outburst of bravery, Mr. Tophat let out a syrupy and poisonous laugh at the same time. He let go of your chin abruptly and walked away a few steps, caressing the end of his cane between his fingers.

"Oh darling, I'm afraid that won't be possible." He feigned sadness. "Maybe I'll have to keep you here for a while so you can reconsider."

All your alerts sounded inside you like the sirens of the purge. Stay locked up here? forever? No, you couldn't allow it. You quickly directed your gaze towards your notebook and towards the door behind Tophat. If he noticed he pretended not to, so you ran to pick up your notepad and then you rushed towards the door but he was faster and grabbed you by the arms firmly.

"Where are you going so fast huh? Please stay a little longer, the best hasn't started yet"

You turned your head everywhere in terror, trying to find a way out, until your gaze met the black magic book that you had photographed. Had this guy made a deal with the devil or something and that's why he behaved that way? If so you were screwed. The man noticed that you were looking at the book and put his arms around you, hugging you and brought his mouth close to your ear, his breath tickling you.

"I see you found my book, I can teach you some tricks if you want" He whispered, smiling

Those insinuations, his macabre smile, his strong grip and notorious superior power over you were too much. You fell to your knees to the ground dejected, tormented by the possible nightmare you were about to live. Mr. Tophat's evil laugh accompanied you for a long time as you felt your eyes water.

.........

You didn't come home that night, nor the next day or the day after that. Your mother desperately searched everywhere without giving up, hoping that one day you would return, in the streets and newspapers you can see wanted posters with your face on it. Y/n L/n's whereabouts were never found again, it seems that you were just another child of those disappeared by the demonic ringleader of the Carnival of Doom

[soaps-mohawk]

HAI GURLIE, GOOD MORNING OR GOOD AFTERNOON OR GOOD EVENING TO U ❤️ I had recently finished reading chapter 30 of CRCB and OH. MY. GOD. I KNEW THE BEAR HAD A CAMERA. I KNEW IT EVER SINCE Y/N FOUND THE OTHER CAMERAS. I could feel it in my bones that she didn't find all of it. That the bear had one or more🥹 But I was still so shocked mainly because YOU WRITE SO GOODDD!! IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE HOT SMUT AND SWEET RELATIONSHIPS OF THE TEAM I WOULD STAYED ON POINT SCREAMING AT Y/N TO CHECK THAT BEAR😭😭 LIKE UGJHH SO SCRUMPTIOUS ILYSMM AnD AND I AM LOVING THE ANGST, U WRITE SO GOOD I SRSLY CANNOT SAY IT ENOUGH XIBDHDHJSJWEIHEHSYS LIKE THE WAY YOU DESCRIBE Y/N'S PANIC ATTACKS AND THE DEPTH OF HOW YOU WRITE AND JUST EVERYTHING SJNDJSJHSJS anyways that's all I just wanna ramble a little🤗 Keep up the good work and I'm sorry for the all caps I just couldn't express it any other way cuz in irl I would be shaking you aggressively and kissing yu at the cheeks😭😭 that's all baibaii🥲🥹

It's afternoon when I'm answering this but I'm not sure when it will post lol so good morning/afternoon/evening to you as well!!!

Hehe yeah...everyone was right about the bear lol. It was too good of an opportunity to pass up honestly.

Awww thank you!!! I'm glad you've been enjoying my writing and I hope you continue to do so (I think so because it sounds like you enjoy the angst quite a bit hehe). Please, ramble away I enjoy it greatly!! Don't apologize for the all caps either lol gotta get that emotion across somehow. Kisses to you too for these lovely comments

[ellzilla]

Hello! Please don't say mean stuff about my friend, while i don't know exactly what happened years ago it makes me sad to see someone say mean stuff about him :( i don't think you're a bad person, but he's a very sweet person and i don't want to see his feelings hurt.

I'm saying this kindly i just don't know how to show that through text :]

Quickly slapping this under a read more because although I'd love to answer privately simply to not bother other lads who follow me, I simply can't with anon asks!

Heyho, as I said in my tags I don't really have any illwill towards them! Although I called 'em bitchy, I call my best friends way worse things on a daily basis so I kinda forget to switch that off so I don't come across as actually mean and I apologize for that! tho I don't think I need to apologize for the 'mild annoyance upon thee' thing because that's the tamest jest I could think of. And sorry if it made you upset! didn't think anyone followed me who was mutuals with 'em or would even recognize who tf I was yammering about lol. Although it is my opinion they're Not Very Nice, espesh with how stressed they've always made me feel and how poorly they treated a pal of mine, I'm not rambling to be mean back. He coulda improved in the time since I've not known him so my opinions could be outdated! Simply got a lil heart pain before the hospital and reminded me of that moment lmao. Also idrc about what happened between him and me fuckin' donkeys years ago when we weren't even 17 yet bc like. Teenagers are fucking Dumbasses. Only beef I have is with people who were my current age and older back then so like, yeah don't sweat it, despite his [what looks like] hatred of me, my ramble about the last ever interaction I had with him isn't aiming to hurt or be mean or whatevs. Tho I am surprised he didn't block me considering the serious things he thinks about me. Hope all this comes off as chill or kind but tone does not translate through text like. At all. But sorry again if it came off as too harsh! My words are nothing but sandpaper sometimes. I just wish he wasn't so meanie pannini about my medical shmeat and said sowwy :(( /hj

[controversial-blorbo-bracket]

Hi! I saw the posts wondering about how to put together the polls, and as an aspiring data analyst and current PhD student myself, i had some contemplations to share!!

Unfortunately i think the BEST way to go about it would require 64 options, as you would need to account for all the combinations of:

Know Character A (yes/no)

Know Character B (yes/no)

Opinion on Character A (Love/Hate/Both/Indifferent)

Opinion on Character B (Love/Hate/Both/Indifferent)

Which would be a 2×2×4×4 poll.

HOWEVER i had an idea. Accounting for the pollgoer knowing character A or B is pretty much non-negotiable if you want to preserve the quality of the data. So in a 10-option poll, that means we only really have room for two options past "which character are you more familiar with".

HENCE, i propose something similar to the following setup:

Two polls per pair of characters. A round 1A and round 1B if you will.

Round 1A: (for the purpose of determining strength of opinion)

[More familiar with A; Stronger feelings about A]

[More familiar with A; Strong feelings about both]

[More familiar with A; No strong feelings about either]

[More familiar with B; Stronger feelings about B]

[More familiar with B; Strong feelings about both]

[More familiar with B; No strong feelings about either]

[Familiar with A, or equally familiar with A and B; Stronger feelings about B]

[Familiar with B, or equally familiar with A and B; Stronger feelings about A]

[Familiar with both/neither; Strong feelings about both]

[Familiar with both/neither; No strong feelings about either]

.....just barely squeezed that into 10 options. I condensed "Familiar with A, or equally familiar with A and B" and vice versa into one option because i felt that having an opinion on Character B while knowing neither, both, or the opposing character better, was basically the same.

Point being, that poll would tell you who has the strongest feelings surrounding them, since you could take ratios to determine the true percentages of votes from people familiar with the character. I think this could be good for elimination; maybe you could do the bottom 50% or bottom 25% of people that got opinionated votes. Then after that maybe you could have a second set of polls that were individual to the characters that weren't eliminated, like a qualifier, again dropping out the lowest X% of characters that had too many indifferent votes.

Sorry for the ramble i just. I love data and polls and i majored in math and . Yeah. I hope literally any of this is helpful or sparks some ideas?? I just thought it would be neat to have each round have a matchup half and an individual half, honestly, because i love both of those ideas. It does sound like twice the work though. Whatever you decide, i am definitely looking forward to it!! Best of luck!!!

-sincerely, a fellow data freak (?) that literally would just clean and preprocess and analyze data for ages recreationally

Holy shit this is awesome. In a perfect world I would absolutely love to do a 64 option matchup tourney. But unfortunately I think this ideal solution shows how a matchup-style tournament with a maximum of 10 options will be inherently biased (in addition to causing scroll fatigue, which is something I, as a poll fanatic and accurate data lover, forgot that most people WILL stop reading past the first few answers if every poll is super long like my and your proposals. Thank you to all my followers who pointed this out- working in this field can make me lose sight of that lol).

So in that sense, thank you for helping me come to the conclusion that the best way to do this IS to have individual polls! Maybe in the future I’ll set up several hundred google forms and link to that for voting, so it’s not limited by tumblr polls. And that way people could even select multiple options! I would seriously consider running that if after this tournament people are still interested in a second one that’s matchup style instead. But for now individual polls seems the most fair way to go about it that complies with tumblr’s limited poll options!

[queenofthearchipelago]

Hi~ Why do you love Merlin?

(also Merlin fan, just a brainrot opportunity hehe)

Now THIS is a big question. I hope you asked it knowing that I'd answer it with a small essay lol.

I suppose my answer to this has changed over the years. When I first watched the show when I was 14, I fell in love with the lighthearted and wholesome vibes the show had. I loved stories with magic where one character had too much on their shoulders and where I could watch them carry their burdens and achieve the impossible. I was intrigued by stories where one character in some way shape or form, is forced to be alone. It's a common theme across all my favorite stories from How to Train Your Dragon to Doctor Who to, now, Good Omens.

I also fell in love with the bromance, the costumes, the music, the legend they were weaving right in front of my eyes.

And while I still love all those aspects of Merlin, looking back on it now, I suppose none of those are the reason I kept rewatching the show.

I think I've watched Merlin all the way through about 8 times now. And now that many years have passed, I see what had me so hooked. I think it was the exploration of friendship between Merlin and Arthur.

When I first watched Merlin, I didn't have much in the way of properly good friends. So it was a comfort to me to watch this story where two people met, they didn't even like each other, but they grew to be the most important person in each other's lives and it had nothing to do with romance. (Which is not to erase the experiences of people who ship them in canon, I totally get it, I ship them in fanfic, but within the bounds of the show I see them as a platonic soulmate situation.) But the bond between Merlin and Arthur was always so steady, even when they weren't getting along.

Merlin always went back for Arthur and Arthur always went back for Merlin. And I admired this as someone who, when I missed an event I was supposed to be at, the next week someone would tell me they missed me and I knew they didn't mean it. "Missing me" was used to tell me that they noticed I was gone, not that they felt my absence. Like, there's a difference, ya know?

And so I think this is the story that taught me what I prioritize and value in my friendships. I value protecting each other and preserving each other in peace and joy. I value going back for them. I notice when they go out of their way for me, even with small things, so that I can be more comfortable. I notice and appreciate when they listen to me, when they refuse to judge me, when they reach out first.

In college I met some amazing friends who have went out of their way for me during times where my life was falling apart, and I'm so grateful that life brought me these people. And I look back at Merlin, at episodes like The Poisoned Chalice and A Servant of Two Masters, and I see my teenage self and the kind of friendship I wish I had, and would some day find, and that I hope to keep finding as I go about life and keep meeting new people.

Of course there's discussion to be had about whether or not Merlin went to far. If he should have maybe cared less about Arthur because then maybe he would have saved himself and Camelot. Maybe Merlin's dedication to Arthur wasn't healthy because of all he lost because of it. But I don't care about that. Merlin loved his friend and he acted like it every single day and that was something I wanted to be for other people, that was what I wanted to see in my life.

On a slightly smaller but still significant note, every time I watch Merlin, the more I love Arthur. I feel like the first two times I watched the show I was a Merlin girl, I didn't care much for Arthur, and then I started to notice just how big this boy's heart is and I realized that Arthur IS the heart of the show. I love him more every time I think about him. And sometimes I rewatch certain episodes just to see him again.

I feel like I've rambled on and I have no idea if I've made any sense but I tried lol. Thank you for giving me a reason to talk about it. Merlin is one of those stories I'll think about and love forever. And every time I rewatch it I learn something new about myself, so I'm sure it'll continue to be a story that has great meaning and impact on my life. (And of course, the fandom is immortal, so I'll always have fanfic to read and people to talk about it with too!)

Feel free to keep sending me asks about it! Or DM me! I always have time to talk about Merlin.

[yandere-fics]

Okay, I've never done a match-up, and I wanted to give you plenty to work with, so this may get a little rambly I apologize in advance. Also, before I start, I wanted to say I love your blog and ocs. I can't even begin to choose a favorite as they all have something I love and connect with.

Okay, so I am an aquarius, so I really love music, just any music. My tastes vary widely, and I use it as a way to de-stress after a long day. I am a pretty anxious person, so I prefer to knock things out then and there instead of staying awake and stressing. For example, any projects or papers got knocked off almost as soon as I got them when I was younger, and then naturally, I would spend days stressing and going back over it to ensure it is perfect. I struggle with depression so sometimes I don't always take care of myself. Like days where I don't want to do anything, so no cleaning and take out to the max. Sometimes, just getting out of bed feels like too much of an ask. I generally bounce back after some time. I am not super social. I have a few friends, but they are primarily at work. I find it hard to keep a connection, I guess, unless I am forced to see you every day. That sounds really weird, but I drifted away from most of my childhood friends after school ended, and I don't talk to anyone from my last job. Like, I will text and call for a bit, but then life gets in the way, and then two months later, I realize I haven't texted or said anything to the person for a while. The one exception is two close friends from school, mostly cause they force it out of me. Which I probably need if they weren't like we haven't hung out in a week I will be by your apartment hang tight. No, I won't listen to your complaints. Come have fun with me. I always do, lol. We probably would have drifted apart, not gonna lie. Also I try to answer all texts and calls as soon as I see them but sometimes things have a couple business days wait cause I just can't find my social battery for anything more than a K over text. I love animals, reading, video games, and dnd. That's pretty much what I do outside of work unless I am being told to socialize by my two friends. Well expect for the animal part as volunteering would force me to interact with people I have given some thought to it as the trade off would be well taking care of animals and who doesn't want that but I haven't taken the plunge yet. Ohh, also I always usually have a thing for female villains. Supergirl when Lena Luthor had her villain arc chiefs kiss. Disney villains sign me up. Regina, from once upon time, can get it she doesn't even have to become good. Resident evil, the murder fly babies. The Fandom calls them our murder gremlins. You get it, lol. I also have similar tastes with the apps I download if they have romance. What do you mean their is a secret RO is it the villain cause sign me up. Please take my money give me your choices llc or hosted games book. Anyway, I have probably made this long enough. I hope that is enough to work with.

Abigail, she's not my most evil but she's still pretty sinister at times and you get to watch a hot woman with a sword threaten people. You'll have plenty to do but not an extreme amount, being duchess would be ideal for you,, you have some duties but not an overwhelming amount of them and plenty of help with them and as duchess you can laze around and listen to music whenever you want.

[roccinan]

I know it's only been a day but I'm dying of curiosity, have you watched the spinoff yet? What are your thoughts?

Hi anon! As you can see, I posted an initial ramble in an earlier answer LOL I talked about my feelings for the new characters there so I won't bore you and repeat it.

In a nutshell: new banda was "meh." Cameron was hot and I hope she gets more breakout roles, but the character was written like a Tokyo/Nairobi knockoff without any of their depth or magnetism. And I personally didn't like how her backstory was treated (it wasn't taken seriously for the right reasons imo). Keila was surprisingly likable but I keep making a lemon face when I remember her being horny for Bruce's sweat. Same for Bruce. He would have been enjoyable if not for the pubic hair fetish that he keeps bringing up asdfasdf

I was most interested in Roi, and he didn't disappoint, but I was baffled over why the spinoff ignored the most important question: how did he meet Andres and why did Andres take him in?? Genuinely needed a flashback there.

Main questions that the show needs to, but didn't answer:

How did Damian/Keila/Roi/Cameron/Bruce meet Andres?

Why did Damian/Andres choose Cameron and Bruce to help?

Why weren't any of these people in the mint and bank heists? You can argue that Bruce/Keila/Cameron weren't close to Andres, but nothing indicated Damian and Roi would abandon him. Alicia "exposed" their identities, but they don't know she did that so it's HUH

Why did Andres replace them all with Jakov, Martin, and Santiago? I mean, I would too LOL but in universe, there needs to be some explanation

Why is he calling himself Berlin?

We also still have no idea why Andres and Sergio have different surnames since this show addressed nothing about them having the same or different parents. No idea when or why Andres became a thief, how he came to love heisting, etc. Overall, the spinoff chose to flash romances between the new characters instead of giving us more information about Andres, which was a stupid move imo.

That said, there were things I did like about the spinoff:

Aside from that hilarious tracksuit, Pedro pulled the various turtlenecks off more or less. He was gorgeous more often than not, but for what? smh

The ending was tight, exaggerated, and fun

I actually was hyped when Alicia and Raquel showed up

Lots of jokes/moments landed and made me laugh out loud

Camille topping Andres every chance she got was Quality content

The heist itself didn't have me on pins and needles, but it was entertaining and I never got bored of it

I liked that aside from Roi, Andres wasn't close to any of the young people on the team- that makes more sense with his character and also helps me forget the 27yo comment asdfadf

The shoutout to Sergio :') Hermanito lives rent free in Andres' mind

General elements that I wasn't a fan of, aside from the forced romances:

Not a berlicia shipper, but come on- why would you put Alicia and Andres in the same time space and NOT have them interact!?

The car race confused me, and not just because Cameron's phone breakdown made me cringe. I honestly don't understand why the racers needed a girl to stand on the roof. What purpose? How does that help or hinder the race- what- at first, I thought the girls were going to whack each other with sticks or try to break the other person's car and this was a high stakes death battle. But no, they just did this to be cool.

Speaking of the race, I think too many "cool" moments became boring because they were tailormade for the cool new stars; there should have been more moments like Berlin at the "opera"-- Ex. we should have gotten Damian and Andres at that race instead of Cameron and Roi- that would have been so much funnier, and thus more memorable

Andres' speeches were repetitive and made no sense, even for him. BUT it was hilarious how in the show's effort to ignore Martin, everything Andres says and does makes it look like he's waiting for his one true love in the form of Palermo, a man; even that no homo moment with Roi was so on-the-nose it has to be foreshadowing Martin XD

The ending with Camille was too open for my taste, especially pointless because we KNOW they don't end up together

BUT I do want a season 2, just so we can see Martin entering Andres' life and a glimpse of Sergio + any scrap of an actual backstory for Andres. They already did the romcom route, so maybe they'll experiment with yet another genre in s2, who knows lol.

[anarchy-and-piglins]

(I'm glad you deleted my ask that had the story end with it all being a hallucination. It was absolutely not a good ending.)

An explanation if my thought process with that ending (because I feel like I should explain myself), if you want know:

I was trying to follow more of a maladaptive daydreaming, (you know how abused kids have daydreams of being saved from their family? Like he was having a daydream about that, that he got too wrapped up in. The idea was partly brought on by me thinking about my old versions of that daydream).

Anyway! Thank you reading my explanation (or not, if you chose not to!) And for deleting my previous ask, the ending was not okay.

(Also I'm sorry if this feels awkward or off, I'm not completely sure how to apologize properly, outside of "be sincere and acknowledge what you're apologizing for")

Hope you're having a good day/night

-Star

First of all, sincerely thank you for this ask, that's very considerate of you <3

I do wanna clarify: hallucinations can definitely be an interesting thing to write about, especially in whumpy settings. I've written before about Techno being thrown into Pandora's Box and having a vivid hallucination brought on by the torture and isolation where he thought Phil was saving him.

And I honestly don't even think that your idea had a bad plot/ending per se. In fact, an abused kid getting fixated on a maladaptive daydream due to wanting to escape from trauma could make a pretty decent story if it's handled well! Which is also where the problem lies for me.

Plots that revolve around characters experiencing hallucinations are very rarely handled well (in my experience). They rarely touch on the more intricate parts of mental illness and trauma that are the underlying cause or mention any other symptoms, and they just go "ooh look, this character sees things that aren't real". They're not often written realistically, just as a vehicle for angst. Or like I said, they're portrayed in an outright ableist manner. This is the same reason why I balk at most 'Asylum AUs'.

On a personal taste level, I'm just not a big fan of stories where the fact that the character is hallucinating is like, the ENTIRE plot. Or it's the Big Plot Twist. I like (realistically portrayed) hallucinations as part of a bigger narrative about trauma or mental illness, but not so much when they're the 'main event'. I also don't like stories that try to 'trick' the reader. Stories where the point is that the readers don't know the character is hallucinating, just so it can be revealed for a cheap twist and the writer can go "wow weren't I clever? Won't you look at the rest of the story differently now?". They irritate me and are not my cup of tea. I'd be way more interested in a story that's upfront about its subject matter and addresses hallucinations realistically. Make it so your audience starts to doubt its perception as much as the character. It's so much more interesting to me when I have to question myself "is this real" as I'm reading a character with a shaky touch to reality, than it is to have a writer go "psych, it was fake". I don't like 'it was all a dream' endings for the same reason.

TLDR: - I am weary of stories that use 'it was all a hallucination' plots because I have bad experiences with them and don't see them done well very often - even if they're done well, I'm just personally not very interested in stories where the fact that the character is hallucinating is the main plot or the big plot twist Sorry for this big ramble, words got away from me xD I just wanted to write this out because I wanted to make it clear that you have NOTHING to apologize for and your idea was by no means bad! You just brought it to the wrong person ^^'

(The main reason I didn't post the initial ask was because I would have felt awkward having to post it while basically going "eh, I don't like this" as an answer lol)

[cafedanslanuit]

AHHH!! it literally feels like im talking to a friend every time u answer my comments😭 but im doing ok classes are kicking my butt but its wtv ima try my best. Your story along with xokiddos are my distractions when i dont wanna do my hw🧍🏽‍♀️

Another question i have is how many chapters will u write for this story?? i think u already answered but im not sure. do u see yourself writing in the next 10 yrs?

Also ur story kind reminds me of one on AO3 called your sugar, yes please(angel-devil x reader) so if u ever want some inspiration i highly recommended😭 but the thing is they haven’t updated since last yr but they’re just probably busy and i hope they haven’t forgotten about it🥲

ok im just rambling..😅

from a fan🖤.. again

good luck with classes!! and omg i love xokiddo's works as well. i remember i first read Heart of Glass, and now i'm hooked with Hammer. and im gonna start Bloom as soon as i finish this series i'm watching >:) (i'm watching daisy jones and the six!! so far it's so cute, definitely feel the fleetwood mac vibes)

for the story i have planned 10 chapters! there may be one more or one less, because, for example, chapter 5 and 6 were supposed to be just one but i decided to divide them in two. soooo it may change but so far it's ten chapters. regarding the plot, i'd say next chapter is an important one because of what happens, which has been hinted at since chapter three i think. something that was bound to happen i guess :)

i definitely see myself still writing in the next 10 years. at this point it's so intricate in my life that i can't imagine myself living without doing it lol. i do want to start writing in spanish again (it's my native language after all) because i haven't done it in a while, but so far i haven't got the inspiration for it. i stopped writing in spanish in... 2017, 2018? maybe? i got back into writing in 2020, but only in english so far. i tried writing some poems in spanish but they weren't good lol.

i wanna look for the fic you asked tho!! i loooove chainsaw man and angel devil so i think i'll definitely like the fic <3

also don't worry about rambling!! i do that a lot too haha so it's alright with me :)