#hoooly fuvk
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#bedside table redecoration upon obtaining new stereo#need to do an audio things photoshoot i love my stereos and headphones and things so much#might put on a cheeky cd now for bed#or should i save it for tomorrow when i need the positive brain chemicals of cool new thing usage#in other news. holy fuck#hoooly fuvk#ok#ummm well#basically Holy Fuck.#my god.#but for a handful of nights of 5 or 6 hours ive only gotten 3 hours of sleep a night for at Least the past month and a half#and im starting to get real sick of it#maybe more than a few nights more than three but point is ive had like 4 nights over 6 hours and they were all drug induced so thats awesome#ive also started getting weird sleepy hallucinations again which is cool#:|#i honestly think i should check myself inpatient again soon im becoming a bit ******** again but at least rn it doesnt feel like#an immediate Thing but i think its proper#and i kind of cannot bear to be in my room right now the thought of going to anothers house makes me ill however#whenever i think to myself ok the thoughts there but i can just cope im gonna be a bitch abt it anyway ill feel fine agaun tomorrow#it is worse tomorrow.#i have work tomorrow and ive set a goal for myself to go to * for * birthday the day after so#oh i work saturday too fuvk#but anyway ill make it through til the wee hours of sunday morning then what. i cant torturously drag myself through goals#ill be torturously dragging myself through nothing but my own sludge and thats when itll get bad bad#theres a certain type of mood i can be in where interacting w various randoms and situation helps me poeticise it#but most of the time it just makes everything ache more and more and more until im screaming at myself behind closed eyes to just#kill myself before i have to endure another night#i scream that to myself regardless of what specific mood or human interaction but whatever#this is so gauche so cringe so pathetic#i need a hug
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ERIK K脛LLGREN OH MY FUCKING GOD
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