#honestly this is me targeted at the hyped up straight ships

[emilyskinners]

the way i will see people hype up a ship from a show you don't really watch but have seen content of it from time to time and they say how much it's such a good ship with such good moments. so then you watch said show, and you're turned out to be disappointed, and the ship really wasn't all that

[takaraphoenix]

Buffy Season 8: Review

It’s bad. It’s just... really... bad. That’s the TL;DR of this review. There was one (1) good thing about this season and that was the return of Oz. So if you’re looking for something that hypes season 8? This is not it. If you are confused, angry or salty about season 8? Hi, yes, me too.

Starting at the beginning. At first, I was really happy that they introduced more characters of color, with Renee and Satsu. And when Renee was then even “promoted” to Xander’s love interest? Nice. The two were even cute.

But no. That was all just the set-up to fridge her. Which, I am so very tired of that trope. And that is what that was. That wasn’t just a slayer dying during a fight. The entire issue of her death focused on her and Xander, building up to their relationship, setting them up for their first date, having her be prominently featured, just to then kill her off and have Xander avenge her.

What made it feel even worse - worse than just the fridging - was that they really had to fridge one of their very few women of color. And, to top it off, spend the entire issue in which she dies having her subjected to racism. Just great. Really, you managed to make an already shitty trope even worse. That’s impressive.

The racism itself too. Dracula. They just decided to make Dracula totally racist now, huh? and it doesn’t get a pass just because Xander points out in the comic that he doesn’t remember Dracula being this racist. Because he wasn’t. This Dracula just throws around slurs left and right in a way that feels more like the writers just really wanted to use slurs. Because the character? He was suave, charming, heck he charmed the straight men and the lesbians too when he was on the show. He was a smooth talker. This Dracula? He just... He was just racist and rude in general. Why.

Moving on from the racism to the next failure in rep. The gays. At this point in time I am simply convinced that Joss Whedon is entirely unfamiliar with the concept of bisexuality.

I know I’ve already made a separate post complaining about this, but it needs mentioning in the review of the season too. Having Buffy hook up with a lesbian twice, but #NoHomo, just a straight girl in her “experimental phase”. That’s just cringey and also offensive. Just... make her... come out as a bisexual? It’s not like the writing in the show hadn’t already set her up with quite the bi vibes.

Instead, the narrative made it sound like the only options would be to be straight or to now suddenly turn “into” a lesbian. Which is also offensive on itself, because - as this very show had proven on screen - lesbians can come out later in life and genuinely, I adore Willow’s arc. For her narrative, it fit to have her come out as a lesbian, the circumstances and her life fit for that. I absolutely agree that it would have been weird for Buffy to have a sudden coming out as a lesbian at that point in her life and after everything, but referring to it as turning into a dyke was just not great.

And lesbian wasn’t the only option. Though, I’m unsure Whedon knows that, considering that 6/6 canon queer characters are homosexual and 4/4 wlw are lesbians. They just keep introducing more lesbians - which, as a lesbian I am always in favor of more lesbians. However, when you have a very small number (2) of queer characters, it figures you can not cover all the sexualities and it’s even fair that even with two, you still choose to have them both be the same sexuality. But... the more you add? The more questionable it becomes that you limit it to one sexuality only.

This arc would have so beautifully set up for Buffy to come out as bi. But no.

And while we’re on the wlw; one of the things I always loved about Buffy was that the lesbians weren’t just there for the male gaze, they weren’t oversexualized. They desired each other, they even had sex. But... in a normal frame work, to a normal amount, meaning equal to how the straights were handled. I always liked that, because especially in early days, lesbians were usually just there to look really hot and have hot sex that straight men could get off to. Well, consider me very unimpressed with the comics, because... man are lesbians sexualized now. Willow gets a hot constantly naked snake goddess girlfriend whom she can only contact by - and I am not making this up - having an orgasm. So we prelude the trip by her having sex with Kennedy, before waking up all nude in snake goddess’ realm and usually having am makeout session or sex with her too while doing whatever business she has with her. So much nakedness, so much oversexualization. Really... disappointing.

Staying on the romance but turning to the other Summers sister, I truly can’t believe they made Xander/Dawn canon. Like, I can not comprehend they decided to make that a canon ship.

Sure, Dawnie’s had a crush on Xander since the literal beginning of Dawn. And that was... cute, honestly. Fifteen year old girls have crushes on cute older guys who are nice to them. Figures. Adorable. But she kind of... grew out of that over the course of the show? Or so it seemed...

And Xander. One of the things I loved about Xander was that Dawn was always a total no go. She was Buffy’s sister, heck, she was kind of every Scoobie’s little sister. He had always had brotherly advise for her. Heck, in this comic he points out that it’s weird since he’s known her since she was little - and yeah it is. It’s not weird when two people were both little together, but when one was sixteen when the other was eleven and one has babysat the other? That’s weird.

Getting infinitely more disturbing by the fact that she... literally... just turned eighteen. If they had put this into a rather later season, or a bigger time skip, had Dawn been A WomanTM for a few years now and Xander had gotten around to separating the idea of kiddo!Dawnie from the woman she has become, but Dawn is only eighteen, she hasn’t become a woman yet. She just turned legal to bang and thus, a switch was flipped in Xander’s mind, putting her on his radar. And just... no. Why.

And even beyond this decision; Dawn spends the first third of this season being slut-shamed in ridiculous ways. Which is also tiresome. I am the last person to defend cheaters, but there’s a difference between “You cheated and are being held accountable for it” and “You cheated so now you are cursed to be a giant, a centaur and then a porcellain doll for weeks at a time, being publicly humiliated and having control over your body taken away from you”. That was... sure a choice.

Moving on to the actual main problem of this season. The plot.

Starting with the incomprehensibly dumb idea of “hey let’s retreat to Tibet, put a huge target on Oz’s new home and get rid of all of our magic. surely that will not come to bite us in the arse when the bad guys find us”. Naturally, it came back to bite them in their collective asses. This was just... No one objected or pointed out how dumb that plan was? Really? No one? Really?

Anyway, let’s talk villains. And work our way up there. The return of Amy and Warren. Once again, I ask why. I’m still salty about the 180° Amy did from sweet Wiccan to wicked bitch after her stint as a rat, but having her now... hook up with Warren, the second biggest misogynist on this show, who is also skinless. She used a spell to keep him alive but she couldn’t... give the spell a color? Anything? Anything to not make him look flayed? Because this was just unnecessarily gross body-horror.

Not to mention the... lack of reaction? Sure, some spoke grumpily against working with Warren. But... this is Warren. The guy who killed Tara when he was trying to kill Buffy. There really should have been more breather-scenes of the Scoobies talking about this, digesting the fact that the guy was still alive and more so when they worked with him.

But nevermind them, because they’re working for Angel. Because Angel’s the villain behind this season. I mean, he was manipulated into that by Twilight, but manipulated means he still chose to do it.

Now let me preface that I might not ship Angel/Buffy, but that really only factors marginally in here, because this plot would be bullshit even if it were my OTP.

We now retcon the creation of the Slayers as not just being something dirty old men did in a cave, it was now all the greater plan of the universe. Which. Might have worked had Slayers been... naturally occuring. And not created by men, forcing this upon a young woman. Sure, what people do can be seen as the greater plan of the universe too if you will, but that seems like a cop-out that absolves bad people of their bad choices and deeds.

Anyway. The universe created Slayers and vampires and the ““balance”“ between them (which is bullshit anyway because 1 Slayer vs thousands of vampires... not balanced at all), including the now supposedly destined romance between Angel and Buffy.

Both get rewarded with super-powers now so they can super-fuck and thus give birth to a new universe. That universe is called Twilight and manifests as a burning, winged, green lion who can talk (because that sure is how I always headcanoned Angel/Buffy’s children to look like /s) and who, through time-travel shenannigans, has been manipulating Angel into his own creation.

The magic pull between them is so strong that it overrides the “Angel just caused the death of over two-hundred Slayers” so Buffy fucks him.

At which point I just... this season was flat-out character assassination of Angel? He was manipulated by the bad guy. Not controlled, manipulated. He caused the death of hundreds. He threw everything he stood for and believed in out the window for the promise of a paradise where he could be with Buffy, when the real Angel has chosen other things, higher goals, over being with Buffy over and over again, because that’s what they do. That is their whole thing, they choose the good of the world over being together. They have always been a “will they/won’t they?” where the answer is they won’t, because they know they are needed elsewhere, by others. But now Angel just... doesn’t care about all that anymore, or heck about his own son and his friends, ready to abandon everything for this.

And then when Twilight is born and consequently abandoned by Buffy, who still prioritizes her friends, family and the world over being with Angel, Angel actually... needs convincing in the abandoning? Because, again, character assassination. Ultimately, Angel gets controlled by Twilight and used to kill Giles and try to kill Buffy.

But thanks to the Deus Ex Machina of Spike dropping in in the final arc, they know how to stop this. He hasn’t been in this season so far, because - truly in line with this season - he was off being the king of a race of alien bugs, traveling in their space-ship.

To stop this all, they go back to Sunnydale, where of course the “heart of the Earth” is located, the seed that contains all magic, and destroy it, and with it all magic. Also, the Master was apparently always just there to guard that seed. He is now back from the dead!

Let me summarize that once more, just for emphasis: The universe wanted Buffy and Angel to fuck so they can give birth to a new universe that personifies as a green, winged, burning lion but before it can destroy our universe, Spike, now king of an alien bug race, delivers the solution to go back to Sunnydale and destroy the seed of all magic that is being guarded by a resurrected Master.

How do you read that with a straight face? How do you pitch that? This is just so incomprehensibly stupid.

We end the comic with Buffy as a waitress, hated by many, Xander and Dawn now have an apartment and are playing house, Willow broke up with Kennedy because she realized she is in love with the snake goddess she will now never get to see again, Giles is dead, Faith somehow inherited everything from Giles and she is also the designated Angel-sitter now.

[2ndblogg]

Hey! Just read your hot take on novel!wangxian and I absolutely agree. I'm gonna have to say here that I believe it boils down to the fetishization of homosexual men in a lot of the fandom culture that surrounds mlm shipping, as you said it's a space for a lot of women to experiment with their desires and whatnot, but I think therein lies the breaking points between reading novel!wangxian as a good, healthy relationship vs. reading it as a very flawed and toxic one. As an LGBT person, reading the way the author dealt with their relationship made me extremely uncomfortable, it just really feels like something that is written by someone who is more invested in using her queer characters for satisfying her and her reader's own pleasure than a well-built, strong relationship between two characters. Not to take away from the novel in some other aspects, I believe that novel!wwx is a much better, much more nuanced character than what he is in cql, but when it comes to wangxian, I think the intentions are very different for each of them. To each their own, I guess, but I do find it very troubling that some people in the fandom have a really hard time admitting that novel wangxian is not even remotely healthy.

Absolutely.

And can I just say how glad it makes me to see that not everyone is praising this book for it’s lgbt representation...

But I guess that’s also why I just occasionally feel the need to scream my frustrations into the void or try to make sense of the novel.

And why I try to be understanding and accepting of people’s opinion of the novel and not take it ‘personally’ (in the sense of sitting there thinking “holy shit this is how they view ME, this is what they think of ME” etc).

I was in fandoms back when they were really a place dominated by straight (homophobic) women and realism or lgbt representation wasn’t on anyone’s mind (and the occasional dude butting in to say that’s not how sex works or bottoming is experienced was ignored or told to get out). I experienced this change to fandoms being more of a lgbt space, of people becoming aware that media can shape your views of groups of people, of people becoming aware of their fetishizing of fictional gays vs. their prejudice against real life lgbt people etc.

And tbh MXTX just writes like one of those, she writes wangxian like everyone wrote their gay relationships around 2005 and earlier; clear power imbalance, clear roles and attributes that are divided into ‘manly’ and ‘feminine’, certain physical attributes (like the female self insert character aka the bottom being pretty and slight and weaker and shorter), men/the penetrating partner can’t really be raped so anything the woman/bottom tries isn’t really ‘bad’, the male love interest is forceful and self centered but ONLY because he’s so in love and since he’s emotionally stunted he has to express that through sex, men/tops NEED sex and it’s rude/mean to deny them that, the girl/bottom isn’t THAT horny or in charge of their own sexuality but wants to please their partner and what they really get out of it is the emotional aspect, decisions need to be made for them because the dude/top just knows better, the girl/bottom is childish and flirty and the guy/top suffers through it until he finally snaps and shows the girl/bottom who'sboss etc etc. (honestly homophobia and misogyny is so tightly knit in this kind of fiction, if it wasn’t so frustrating it would be very interesting).

Tbh I disagree with novel!wwx being more nuanced (despite a lot of ppl whose opinions I really respect also feeling this way), because I simply cannot seperate him from the wangxian relationship. All I see are tropes and stereotypes applied to make him ‘work’ in the context of the wangxian relationship instead of an actual personality...

To me, in CQL WWX is clearly the main character and you love his interactions with LWJ and want more of them and value them, wheras in the novel most of the time WWX plays second fiddle even when a scene should technically be about him and LWJ’s presence is incredibly suffocating, because he’s always being controlling or at the very least influencing WWX.

I also don’t feel like WWX has much of a character arc/growth. We’re essentially told he had one but the only thing that really actually changes is him hating himself a bit more and letting LWJ smash..., and I guess: he’s less independent than ever, he’s more isolated that ever...

I’ve called novel!wangxian a relationship between an abuser and his victim, because you can find evidence of that in the text. Not because I think the author wanted to portray an unhealthy gay relationship. Like you said, she was fetishizing and wrote for a similar crowd. But to me that ‘realization’ helped...I still don’t see how people can call it a masterpiece but I can at least understand hyping something you like up...

And like, badly written gay relationship or not; gay/straight,man/women, I see how people can find it hot. Exploring your sexuality through fictional characters isn’t necessarily a strictly straight girl phenomena. I probably have read fic that was exactly like this, I can’t judge anyone for it. But no one prints out the last PWP they read and goes, “this is ideal lgbt representation and nothing will ever be this good, the fact that it includes rape makes it so realistic” like????

(Is that part or an effect of the woke and purety culture? you can’t say ‘i like this book but it has flaws’ or ‘i’ve enjoyed this but it’s not up the feminism or lgbt acceptance that i preach/live’ so you have to pretend it’s flawless?)

And like, I do think novel!wangxian is a nightmare when it comes to lgbt representation and I do believe this is largely due to a cishet woman writing about gay men and fetishizing them (the fact that a lot of peoples arguments why novel!wangxian ‘is better’ boils down to ‘there’s kissing and sex’ is also pretty telling). And I am frightend and worried by some peoples response to it.

But is it really fair to see it as just that? It’s a problem sure, but that same thing happens in straight media (which I am admittedly not well versed in). Stephanie Meyer didn’t set out to write Edward Cullen to be a creep and non of the teenage girls that went crazy over him viewed it as such...Reylo fans (aside from some of them proclaiming Finn to be the real villain and saying it’s racist and misogynistic to not find Kylo Ren hot) found a way to view him threatening her as romantic and sexy, Loki fans that didn’t ship him with Thor usually fell into the camp of “he would be a perfect boyfriend” or “what if this OFC was his slave and he raped her everyday <3″... like ignoring/glorifying/romanticizing behaviours or exploring what kinks you might have through the safety of fictional characters and fictional settings isn’t JUST happening when it comes to ‘the gays’...

And not just specifically in fandom spaces either, a lot of ‘romantic’ movies include inappropriate touching, the boy/guy knowing better than the girl what she wants etc. And I absolutely do believe that that’s something that normalized these things for a lot of young girls and guys (I don’t want to get into this too much, I’ve really seen a change in the past few years, but before that it was pretty common for young boys to believe they need to keep pursuing and pressuring a girl that has said no, girls truly thought boys could die of blue balls, girls thought it was their duty as good girlfriends to let their boyfriends fuck them even when they weren’t in the mood, that they couldn’t talk about what they want in bed or what they don’t find enjoyable because ‘sex is for boys and girls get a relationship in exchange’ etc.).

And in much the same way movies have only relatively recently begun being called out for that, it’s also still pretty recently that they’re being called out for having their one queer coded character be a pedophile and a murder or whatever...Like, society as a whole becoming aware of these issues.

But do authors that publish their work with a specific target audience in mind have a responsibility to think about the effect it might have on them? (And I can already hear loud screams of ‘no way, it’s not your fault if your audience isn’t smart enough to understand that this bad thing is bad’, but I actually do believe in a way they do. That doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t write whatever you want, just maybe take a look at HOW you bring your point across. (We do KNOW people are influenced by what propaganda they’re consistantly fed. I mean, you wouldn’t write a pro-drugs childrens book...) )

What if the author isn’t aware of their bias and prejudices? Or their target audience isn’t their actual audience?

And do we, society and media, judge female and male authors differently when it comes to romance and sex in fiction? (The answer is yes btw) But also, where do we draw the line at calling something ‘badly written’ and calling it toxic? Can it be both? As I’ve said before, a lot of people claim that only the physical intimacy scenes of novel!wangxian are bad, because they’re badly written and OOC, some say the book as amazingly written and only the wangxian relationship is bad because the author doesn’t know how to write gay men. In my ‘hot take’ I essentially said that’s not necessarily bad writing so much as it’s simply an (okay, unintentional) toxic relationship. And would this relationship still come across as toxic (or badly written, whichever you want) if we didn’t know the author to be a cishet woman? Or if a gay man had written it? (my personal, eloquent answer for this is: yes, but differently.)

Which was really all just a rambly way to get to my point of: it’s not just fetishizing of gay men, it’s also the homophobia and self-inserting in a safe situation.

You can literally replace WWX in the novel with a female character and it wouldn’t change a thing. The author takes such an effort into building up this power imbalance in every aspect of their life that if WWX were a heroine nothing would change in this (sexist/ancient society) setting.

(And clearly this is something that appeals to people if you look at the amount of female!WWX fics...)

Not even the sex scenes. There are maybe two allusions in all of them combined that WWX might also have a dick but like, you can’t be sure and it sure as hell doesn’t need stimulation.

(and again, that could be written as a kink...but it’s just not.)

CQL is a gay love story. MDZS at it’s core is none of that.

But I also very much agree with your ‘to each their own’, like here I am criticizing and trying to find explanations and whatever, but at the end of the day it doesn’t matter why someone might like (or write) a book like this, I vastly prefer CQL!wangxian but people have their own reasons for not doing so.

The ‘problem’ really only lies in, as you said, people not being able to accept that it’s not a healthy relationship. Or claiming it to be perfect lgbt rep.

And because my brain can’t shut up today:

I also can’t stop thinking that the way some people ‘glorify’ the book as due to their age and ‘inexperience’.

When I was a pretty young kid and got into fanfiction, there was nothing but completely OOC!whump to be found in the first two fandoms I was in. And I loved it. It was YEARS later that I thought I might like to read something with the characters being...in character. What I’m trying to say, in different stages and phases of your life you might enjoy different things, for different reasons...and obviously, in that moment, you won’t think about ‘what appeals to me here/should this appeal to me/etc’.

I don’t mean inexperience as ‘sexual inexperience’ here, though of course that could be part of it, but also like, inexperience with this genre (is this the first book like this you read, or did you just read 50 in a row that all had the same unhealthy vibes?), with lgbt people and issues (do you know any lgbt people or is your only image of them either the cute boy you can’t have and don’t want to see with another girl or grown men in full kink gear in front of children during CSD? and also: do you think ‘i like this’ and that’s the end of it or do you notice how many people idolize this objectively unhealthy relationship and won’t allow critique on it...)  

I...just wanted to say thanks really.

I just can’t stop rambling apparently and I know I mostly just repeated what you said or what I already said but in longer... I just really do feel very strongly about novel!wangxian and the perception of them and have actually at times felt very personally...worried/affected, by people’s acceptance and love of them and I just... have to try and make sense of it...

[fairie-gothmother]

In The Shadow of Starlight, Part 6: Gut Instincts

First part: The Fall

Previous: The Sheep Will Flock

How long had it been? Days, weeks? Troy lost track of time while he’d been slowly starving to death. Since his excommunication, each moment blurred into the next as whatever he possessed of the leech power fed off of his own body. Finally, he had some relief. He couldn’t help but be grateful for the scientist’s carelessness during the lab experiments. That was the first time he’d taken from any siren apart from his twin. It felt very different. This energy was more restless than he was used to. Maybe this what Ty meant by saying she could taste what she leeched.

Now that Troy had some extra juice, he felt incredible. Even after Lilith dumped him in Sanctuary’s garage on the bottom deck, he was amped. And what did Troy do when he was hyped up and left to his own devices? He beatboxed. The Calypso bobbed his head and swayed to the groove, bustling around the room and inspecting the equipment. He had to admit, it wasn’t a bad setup. He knew everyone was talking about him, probably deciding where to eject him into space, but he wished they’d hurry it up already.

He paused when a noise from nearby threw off his rhythm. A beep came again from a cluttered desk. With no regard to the desk owner’s privacy, he opened one of the drawers to find an Echo device inside. It was an older model, but obviously still in working condition. Troy glanced over his shoulder and scanned the room for cameras before putting the Echo on silent mode and slipping it into his pocket.

“Hey.”

Troy reeled around, startled from the voice and saw the blue haired siren descending the stairs into the workshop.

“Relax,” the sapphire siren said. She wiped the dust off a tool box and casually leaned against it. “Don't look so guilty. I, uh… Sorry for phase-chucking you across Tannis’s lab. You alright?” 

Oh. He wasn't busted after all. Still, Troy couldn’t help but be suspicious. No way she cared to chat. Probably cared even less about hurting him. A golden canine glinted through his lopsided smile. “I did ask for it, didn’t I? But yeah, I’m good. No hard feelings, Meg.”

“It’s Maya,” she said, obviously annoyed. “Get it right next time. Okay, Trent?”

Excuse me? Troy furrowed his brow and glared at her. She wore a playful smirk and raised her eyebrows as if daring him to correct her. Interesting. She was messing with him.

“Alright then, Maya. Let’s hear it already,” he folded his arms across his chest. “Are you guys gonna launch me into the nearest sun? Or does the scientist want me as a lab rat for unethical tests? Whatever it is, please don’t tell me it’s life in prison. That’s boring. I deserve something creative.”

Maya shook her head. “Oh, no. You don’t get off that easy. You’re still helping us fight the COV.”

Troy cocked his to one side, analyzing the siren in a skeptical stare. As hard he looked for the smallest hint that she was full of shit, her body language suggested she was telling the truth. He huffed, “So what, no punishment then? I figured the Firehawk would want this handsome mug served on a silver platter.”

Maya gave a one shouldered shrug. “You said you didn’t leech Tannis on purpose. Sometimes powers are weird like that. With some training, you might be able to control it.”

Easy for her to say. If only it was as simple as meditating on a mountain to master his broken siren powers. “Ah, right. You’re from Athenas. I’m sure those monks taught you all about control and restraint, great power is great responsibility, blah-blah-blah. But it’s pretty safe to say that I’m a special case. Clearing my chakras isn’t gonna do it for me.” 

“It would at least help with that attitude of yours.”

Troy began pacing and brought his flesh hand to his chin. “I don’t know. It wouldn’t be considered very zen if I accidentally ended up leeching you. Then again, you might taste like chamomile tea.” He cast a half-hearted sideways glance in Maya’s direction.

Maya rapidly drummed her fingernails on the tool box and said, “I take it back. I’m not sorry to phaselocking you.”

“That’s what I thought,” Troy snickered. “Be honest. How many times a day do you phaselock stuff just because you can?”

Maya closed her eyes and clasped her hands in front of her, mimicking a monk’s prayer pose. “I take a great amount of pride in my self discipline so if you must know-” She raised her left hand, and her fingers sparked. A ball peen hammer levitated from a workbench and hovered across the room into Maya’s hand. “I do it all the time.”

Troy scoffed. “Show off.”

The two were locked in a stare down. It wasn’t clear who cracked first, but neither of them could keep a straight face for long. A gentle blue glow emitted from Maya’s siren marks. Troy’s smile dropped as he looked down to his left hand, noting the harsh red light of his own marks.

“You really didn’t know that would happen to Tannis, did you?” the blue haired woman asked softly.

“No,” he answered honestly. “I’m still trying to get a grip on everything myself.” All his life he’d been broken. His parents treated him as a burden, although they never said it outright. He was constantly sick and needed extra help when he struggled with the use of only one arm. And Tyreen never considered him an equal. Even as one of the twin gods, he wasn’t seen in the same light as the God Queen. And now that he knew he possessed siren power without knowing it, his whole outlook was in question. What did it mean? What other parts of himself remained untapped?

Maya said, “Even if it’s only half, you’re still a siren. It’s not an easy life. Sirens have always been feared, hunted, extorted… worshipped.” Troy met her blue-gray eyes for a moment, then redirected his gaze to the wall. “We’re just trying to find our place.”

Troy’s heart skipped a beat. We?

“Yeah,” he said in a voice just above a whisper. He snapped out of it and quipped, “But, you gotta admit. Life would sure be a lot easier if I could phaselock grapes into my mouth all day.” 

Maya scrunched up her face and flung an empty can at Troy, who reflexively caught it in his mechanical hand with a metallic clang. He waved it, shook his head, and grinned at her.

“Nice catch, wise-ass. Now, get in the drop pod,” Maya teased.

That tiny thing? Troy had used porta-potties with more legroom than that. “You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Troy groaned. The siren smiled wickedly as she held the hatch open and ushered him inside. He sighed knowing the ride back to Pandora would not be a comfortable one.

~~~

On a normal day, Ellie was a delight. Today was not a normal day considering her garage was used as solitary confinement for one of the most hated influencers in the galaxy. Maya recalled her saying, “He’s about as welcome as an outhouse breeze.” It took a while to convince the mechanic that her garage was just as she left it. Eventually, she cooled her boiling blood down to a simmer.

If Maya was being honest, she didn’t actually believe that Troy hadn’t messed with something. Call it a gut feeling. The same gut feeling that knew Ava would be a siren someday. The same gut feeling that told her to go talk to Troy just now. Her gut hadn’t lied to her yet so she didn’t question it. The ex-God King was absolutely still on thin ice, but she was willing to give him a chance. Maybe he just needed some guidance. Either that or he was a hopeless, cocky little shit.

Hydraulics hissed from the rising door as Maya entered the ship’s bridge. The orbital view of Pandora loomed outside the windows of Sanctuary’s observation deck. Crew members clacked away on keyboards at their posts. Lilith and Tannis stopped mid-conversation when they noticed Maya approaching.

“Troy’s on his way back to base,” Maya announced, slightly out of breath from rushing up three flights of stairs. “Cramer should be waiting for him when he lands. What did I miss?” she asked when she noticed neither of them would look her in the eye.

“Sorry I didn’t tell you about Tannis sooner. I decided the fewer people that knew about it, the better. These days, being a siren puts a target on your back,” Lilith apologized. 

The revelation that the two of them were keeping Tannis’s siren powers a secret was shocking to say the least, but Maya wasn’t upset. She understood. Her own siren powers had been used by others to threaten an entire planet’s population. “I get it. I’m glad to have another siren on our side.” Maya smiled at the scientist, who awkwardly returned the gesture. It was cute when she made an effort.

“How are you, Tannis?” Maya asked.

“I'm fine. No need to fuss,” Tannis said. “It was actually interesting to experience the leech power first hand.”

Lilith knitted her brows. “Troy could have killed you. We still don’t know his intentions. Who knows what other abilities he’s hiding.”

Maya recalled the look of shock on Troy’s face while he held Tannis’s wrist, and the way he kept his distance from the two sirens afterwards as they processed what the hell just happened. After the conversation she’d just had with the Calypso, Maya felt the need to voice her opinion. “It seems like he doesn't understand his abilities either. I really don’t think he leeched Tannis on purpose.”

The commander was unconvinced. “Even if that’s true, we can’t underestimate what he’s capable of. This is still Troy Calypso.” Lilith stared out of the window at Pandora below. “For now, he’s useful to us. We’re going to need all the power we can get. It’s about time to make our move on the Holy Broadcast Center. There’s been a lot of activity lately. I’ve got a feeling something big is about to go down.”

Claptrap’s eardrum piercing voice called from the command console, “Incoming transmission!”

Speak of the devil. Maya’s heart sank as Tyreen’s smug face appeared on the overhead monitors. She was beginning to wonder if the COV had tapped their coms. Their timing was unusually coincidental.

“Hey, Lil!” the cult leader said in a singsong voice. “How’s life been as a non-siren normie human? Does it suck? I bet it sucks. Not gonna lie, these powers of yours are pretty sweet.” Lilith was seething. Tyreen had a knack for getting under her skin. The Calypso continued, “But hey, you don’t have to take my word for it. You know someone who knows all about my Firehawk upgrade. Just ask my brother.”

Damn. Word had finally reached her. Now Tyreen knew the Crimson Raiders were harboring her disowned twin.

“By the way, did that traitorous freak happen to mention the fact that he stole something from me? Can you believe it? Yoinked it right out from under me. I don’t want your grubby normie fingerprints on my stuff so if he shared it with you, I’m gonna need it back.”

Lilith calmly replied, “I assumed you’d know better since you were the one who dumped him in the middle of nowhere. He wasn’t exactly in any condition to exchange gifts when we found him. He’d been stripped and unarmed.”

Tyreen paused before shrieking with laughter. “She said unarmed! Please tell me you meant to make that pun.” She wiped a tear from her eye. “I needed that. No big deal. It’s a matter of time until I find it anyway. Well, I’ve got places to be. Big milestone event coming up. You’re gonna love it. Oh, and tell Troy I said hi before he runs outta juice and shrivels up. 'Kay? Laterz!” The Calypso winked before the feed was cut.

Maya’s fists tingled with the urge to meet that punchable face. She hollered back at the empty screen, “Troy will be the one kicking your door in, you cocky bitch!”

Claptrap said something about the video transmission’s crappy production value, but no one was listening. Lilith grit her teeth. “Using Troy was the plan, but that’s only if we can keep him alive long enough to get there.”

Maya squeezed her fists tighter, causing her fingernails to dig into her palms. Tyreen was always one step ahead of them. She couldn’t care less that her brother was in the Raider’s custody. Because of Troy’s dependence on her, she never even saw him as a threat.

Tannis chimed, “I have a theory, but you aren’t going to like it, Lilith.” All eyes turned to the scientist. “It is apparent that Troy cannot absorb the life force from living things through touch alone, with the exception of sirens. According to my experiments, it’s highly plausible that he can gain the same effect by ingesting it directly via anthropophagy or hematophagy.”

The room was silent apart from the humming of the spaceship. Maya blinked and said, “Tannis, no one understands you when you talk like that. In layman’s terms, please?”

Tannis sighed in disappointment but explained, “Troy should be able to regain energy from cannibalism or drinking blood.”

~~~

Sorry it took so long for an update. I’ve been working through a serious creative block. Showing my girl Maya some love in this part. This was a little shorter than usual, but I hope it was still entertaining. As always, thanks for reading my garbage! <3

[brilliantfantasticgeronimo]

re: cxg (s1-s4)

shows up four years late holding hot takes!!! what up!!! ☕ ☕☕☕aw yeah

@upslapmeal @fauxkaren @bisexualfelicity​, lemme know what you guys think?

(this show practically asks you to go on many fake deep rants about it so proceed with caution lol)

oops, it’s 3 days later 🎶

I had always been on the target demo for this show. Musical theatre fan? chronic shipper? neuro-divergent tendencies? check, check, triple check.  The question was never if I’d enjoy it, but how much.

First, I’m glad I held on to watching it until it was complete. When you vaguely know where things are headed that’s easier than learning to trust new writers week by week. And since this is a series that makes it necessary that you become hyper-invested..., it means every misstep is compounded by x1000 if you have a whole week to dwell on it. And I can picture myself being a lot more pissed at the (perceived) small mistakes if I hadn’t know the bigger picture via the episode titles before.

However, the filler aspect of some episodes did become more glaring on binge watch. At various points in the storyline I thought: “this would be stronger as a stage show than a tv show/without this much fluff” In fact, that’s what I thought ,from skimming the episode guide, that the concert special was going to be. An experimental, meta finale or meta retelling of the show with ‘screenplay and lyrics by Bunch R.’~ that played like an episode ON the stage. Like the two live show episodes on 30 rock- those breaking the 4 wall AND kept a foot inside it by keeping the characters IC.....

(god. just imagine: the last scene with Rebecca’s “and this is a song I wrote…” THEN it smoothly transitions to a live stage with Rachel Bloom on the same costume, the same piano, ready to rock it out?? ALL THE LAYERS THAT WOULD HAVE I weep for the wasted potential.).

this whole journey’s been... a crock🎶

s3 > s4 > s1 > s2

Reprise Effect™ is definitely in full effect here. S1/S2 were less hype than S3 but S3 couldn’t exist without the grunt work done in early episodes like “Josh and I are going to the beach!”. Like how the reprises themselves of those seasons were extra special just on the basis of being reprises... though, as mentioned above, s4 can’t be the top one despite the reprises because it had too many pointless filler episodes. Meanwhile, s1 is objectively very tight. Though maybe doesn’t “fit” as well with the rest of the story? Rebecca gets what she wants but not what she needs, because it’s too early in syndication... not many banger here either, for me. And s2 was the least enjoyable because of its reliance on...

the math of love quadrangles🎶

I found the main romantic story-line to be exhausting at points, instead preferring either the main friendship ones (Paula and Rebecca stuff, etc) or the side character stuff (Karen!! Father Brah!! TRENT!!!) I mean...  it’s justified in that it was intentional, I guess. I probably sliiiightly leaned on #teamjosh the most because their relationship felt the most refreshing- Nathaniel and Greg were treated too much as archetypes, while I was crying from the emotional sincerity and earnestness of Dear Joshua Felix Chan🎶

(this also makes me glad to have missed the weekly discourse/ship wars because this seems to be an unpopular opinion lol)

(seriously Nathaniel tho was the worst for so long oh my god. “omg what if we pair the super feminist character with the machista privileged guy!! it will be SO ORIGINAL!!!” no. no it’s not pls stop.)(WHY SHOULD I ROOT FOR SOMEONE male,straight,and white in the one percent????) (no disrespect to Scott Michael Foster tho he’s truly a star) (salvaged the character)

And while we’re on the topic of ships... woah nelly I did NOT expect the high quotient of wlw vibes. honestly, the casual-bisexuality from like everyone in #thegirlgroup4evah was more powerful than the introduction of beth/valencia in s4, imo (my respects to fans who manage to write fic for that ship when Beth is barely even a character).

-heck, it got to the point that I was weirded out with that final pan-out across the room, and it shows people like Father Brah but not a single lady as a potential post-series romantic partner? wtf show, Rebecca might have started as “a 1.8 in the kinsey scale” but by the end she was AT LEAST a 2.1.  Aprox. (then again, that might just be me (λ▀ˇ▀) ∫ ~**projecting*~**)

he’s suspiciously good-looking in ways that normal people are not🎶

Speaking of projecting....

The experience of watching this show really made me start to question the device of identification in stories. Specially rn with the whole ~identity politics / representation #matters campaigns~ stuff.

Yes, it is great to see yourself represented-. it’s healing, it’s cathartic to see Rebecca and co going through stuff that other series had never touched upon. That high from expecting A DIAGNOOOSIIIS is really spot on to the real life experience of going through that situation. It physically chips away some internalized stigma just watching it. yet like. at some point stories that aren't relatable become less engaging…I know, intellectually, that so much of the Jewish stuff was funny, but a lot of it just flew by my head? So like, how does that apply to other “representation” things? is our subjectivity so skewed-ed by identity that stories, that we can’t then care about worlds apart from ours? idk.  I guess that’s kinda all being fake-deep sounding, but for those that plan to write stories for others I think it’s worth thinking about.

(oh, good! an abstract theatrical space. Now I can actually think)

The other meta point I wanted to make was about how I noticed that lot of the discourse and fanwank surrounding the character, was always reeling over whatever terrible mroal things they had done. Like Rebecca’s stalking, arson, manipulation, manslaughter, And I’m like dude... it’s... a comedy? it’s not real....? ofc if you were to look at what happened in himym/friends/whatever  you would commit that those people should be in jail. But the whole thing is a fantasy! it’s an artifice! it doesn’t matter how much vicious brutality tom inflicts upon jerry, he’s never gonna actually hurt him!

So it was a real weird feeling whenever I saw  discussions of old episodes and people being #scandalized by john treating rebecca like crap, or paula being an enabler,... like, I’m not trying to justify those things. the point is that it was all represented in a zanzy whacky comedy frame (with musical numbers!!!) AND specifically iyy created such a weird tonal dissonance when the show itself began treating those things as existing in the framework of our real world and under the rules of real world decency.

I mean, imagine this show without the music? it would be a totally different beast. And maybe  works better towards the point they wanted to make with the story in the first place (”crazy” isn’t crazy, life doesn’t make narrative sense, etc) it’s like when they took off the claymotion filter off for  the scenes that happened in Abed’s Christmas Special on Community. the darkness of rebecca’s life would have been much more palpable, and the points they were making, clearer.

(It would have been a lot darker tho)

(and I probably wouldn’t have watched lol after all I was mostly here fore those-)

(beat)

GRATUITOUS🎶KA-REOKE🎶 MO-MENTS🎶

in general, whenever i recognized the parody, it tended to lower my enjoyment of the number. Specially for some parody songs that aren’t connected to the story, and were more like recycled youtube-phase!bloom material.the buzzing from the bathroom, floods of justice being the biggest offenders,,, and another grip it’s that many songs could be stronger, but they for some reasons needed to have jokes always??? the end of the movie specially it’s so good and wise, and then the punchline is so much less powerful and takes away the universality of it that... :/ ://... whyyy

anyway, enough whining. The obligatory top 10 ahead.

(but what’s a top 10? it’s just a fabrication of what songs people project the most to. it’s not like any top 10 could make a difference in people’s tastes... of course, I guess it could if you cared to make it so- but it COULD but i doesn’tbutitcouldbut idoesn’tb tu.)

_

10. What’s Your Story?: the third anectode almost made me fall out of my chair. The ratatas....and the way Rebecca goes all out with the cell-block choreography... /shook. Just an expertly done parody all around tbh.

10. Slow Motion: I missed the hype train for Let’s Generalize About Men so this is the song that takes its spot.

9. No One Else Is Singing My Song: surprisingly really comforting? asdfg. I legit feel less alone whenever I sing alogn to it. And, unlike “Nothing is Ever Anyone’s Fault”- it makes fun of this sentiment without totally invalidating it (”I am super unique!”). If they had gone all out and truly included the “entire company” it would be much higher in my ranking. But that’s impossible... logistically impossible (or IS IT. -says n*2)

8. The Darkness:  crying, laughing, and also moved on an unspeakable level.

7. Anti-Depressants Are So Not A Big Deal: went a bit down after I read someone say “it’s just a glorified pharma-ad, isn’t it?” and that it was based on La La Land (I thought it was an original style of showtune not done in recent years). Still... damn. It’s a goddamn banger, man.

6. Without Love You Can Save The World: an anthem for frigid bitches like me :)

5. I’m Just A Girl In Love: the whole show’s thesis is one succinct glam package!! (gajillion extra points for Trent’s reprise) (#teamtrent).

4. I go to the Zoo: I showed a couple of cxg to my 15 year old cousin musical-hater cousin and it passed. Enough for me.

3. After everything you made me so (that you didn’t ask for): tbh up until this one most song had been great but nothing had really wow’d me. Of course, as a song, Paula’s original is great too. I just prefer this one for the huge pay-off it represents story-wise. This was the first song that really made me go zomgREPLAY!°1”. When the inevitable stage show comes out, this for has got to be the closing song of Act 1.

2. Love’s Not a Game: do u ever like obsess over those tiny bits in showtunes that just throw the f**** down S O hard compared to the rest of the song? which is usually great but not as much as THOSE glorious three seconds? ex: this happens to me with the “Then why choose fear?/I’m a New Yorker, / fear’s my life” during “Life Support” in the stage version of Rent......this song was like that, it was already epic and fitting for the best (imo) episode in terms of comedy. AND THEN!! it does that  fucking GLORIOUS dark reprise of ‘The Group Mind Has Decided You’re In Love’- it took what was already a flabbergast group number .

1. I Could If I Wanted To: cleared my skin and cured my NPD.

memorable mentions:it’s nice to meet you (original and reprise), tell me i’m OK patrick, i feel like this isn’t about me, all the raps from give good parent to jap battle and omg i cant believe i watched a good “rap parody by white people”, love kernels, trapped in a car with someone you don't wanna be trapped in a care with.

aight that’s all props if you read all that. thanks @mutuals for the peer pressure for four years on this. i deserved that shame. #humble#blessed#teamtrent

[alarajrogers]

This is just... such a non-issue to me? I feel like this is a huge generational difference in fandom.

Fans through Gen X (my generation) and maybe the older millennials did not expect canonical queer romance. It wasn’t gonna happen, full stop. We were never disappointed when our queer ships weren’t canon; we knew already that wasn’t in the cards.

Don’t get me wrong, the fact that actual representation exists now is awesome. But I’m seeing this sense of entitlement that puzzles me because of how short a time it’s been since we started seeing any rep at all. Like... you guys do know that aside from anime, we started seeing queer romance of any kind around like 2014, right? Eight years ago? We’ve had occasional queer characters since the 1990′s, usually surrounded by huge media hype (“The FIRST! GAY! CHARACTER!” kind of thing), but actual romance? I know you guys are young, but are you really so young that you’ve come to expect queer storylines?

Basically, you can only be “baited” if you sincerely and truly believe you’re going to get a canonical romance endgame. If you just remain open to whatever happens and let the story go where it’s gonna go... you can still be disappointed (especially when the writers invent a canonical het romance out of nowhere that has no chemistry and try to shove it down your throat as a deep and abiding true love), but you won’t have been baited. Don’t watch stuff thinking to yourself “Canon romance between X and Y has to be the endgame here!” Honestly, that fucked up a lot of het fans back in the day (god, I remember the ship wars between Harry/Hermione fans and Ron/Hermione fans back when Harry Potter wasn’t a clusterfuck).

Remember that the vast majority of the time, only queer creators are actually aware of the queer audience at all. “Queerbaiting” implies that we are a target market that they’re trying to lure in. Nah, if they’re straight they don’t even know we’re here. (Usually. Supernatural went on long enough and had enough awareness of its audience that it actually did episodes about fanfic. They are the only example of genuine queerbaiting I can think of.) If the creators are queer, they are probably fighting to get as much rep in as they can get away with. If they’re straight, it’s accidental because they’re not even aware of us. (Unless they’re Neil Gaiman, who is straight but has had queer characters in his stories since the  1980′s, and has repeatedly gone on record saying that angels and demons don’t truly have gender and therefore can’t truly be gay but they can absolutely love each other romantically and they can be very queer.)

This whole “queerbaiting” thing just puts a bad taste in my mouth. Like... we’re so arrogant, we assume that we’re such an important demographic and the Powers that Be are so aware of us that they want to court us in the first place? Lower your expectations, guys. Push for the rep you want to see but don’t expect it. Be happily surprised when the queer romance is real and canon, not bitterly disappointed and feeling cheated when it’s never made explicit.

one annoying knock on effect of queerbaiting is how it kind of kills actually good serialized queer storytelling because audiences will either a) assume deliberate relationship and character progression is irrelevant and ignorable until a really obvious beat then claim it "came out of nowhere" or b) go on the offensive and assume malicious intent. like if your audience won't give the benefit of the doubt then you can't have long term slow burn romances, gradual identity discovery arcs, or even standard breakup narratives because those could all look like "baiting" before the resolution episode comes out in three month's time or something.

[survivesalem]

Episode 1 - “Let’s hope I’m not getting voted out” - Czern

Honestly I’m just sitting here so hyped that Austin is on my tribe . I know I can actually trust this man which is good . I’m hoping I can vibe with people on my tribe so I don’t end up an early boot . For some reason I think I may actually have a shot this season we shall see ! I’m gonna start reaching out to people and hopefully I give off good vibes !

I guess I'll just give my first impressions of everyone on this tribe including those who I know from the other tribe. Jay - Long ago we played a game together, but I can't really remember his style. I don't think our "pre-existing relationship" will help in any way Czern - A king who I hosted. He's not much on the social side of things so I can see that as an easy boot, but he could be someone that I can make trust me very easily Alex - He's fine I guess Mac - He's a threat. He got POTs and 6th? He needs to go soon. I'll try to get on his good side so he won't see a blindside coming though. II'm keeping my eye on him Ben - Who? He seems like a dudebro and I don't get along with those people. We shall see Dylan - My hosting buddy!! We'll see if they are playing INV or a complete rat. I know they're a flipper so I can't put all of my faith in them Paolo - Someone I know in real life who I brought into the community? Wild. He's a chaotic player for sure. And I am a chaotic player. Maybe we'll vibe together. Maybe not. Hopefully our chaoses come together rather than oppose one another. Zach - Maybe so At the end of the day, without a challenge, I'm just trying to be social and make myself liked by the tribe. It seems to be working so far, but who knows when being liked will turn into being a threat. I think, right now, I don't see myself working with any of these people long term except for Mac. But, as I said, he's a threat, but I could use him as a shield. For now, just focus on being liked and do well in the challenges! (Also this all-male tribe is actually disgusting and I want off of it immediately)

Ok so not even 24 hours after the game starts and my ass is already in a three person alliance with keegan and gizmo and I feel kinda solid about it i don't think it's going to go south hopefully

Hello everyone, my name is Mac, and I’m here to outwit, outlast and outplay this cast. On the other tribe I have someone who is new to the ORG community that I know well. Like, REALLY WELL. The stunning Liam. Liam and I, if we both get to the merge undetected we could slay this entire game. Now. The Osbourne tribe. I am friends with Alex. Lovely person. Do I trust Alex? Not really. No. Alex made a F3 alliance with Alex, Ben and I and I don't wanna be  thrown into a F3 with two friends, and I only know one of them. I kinda know Jay, but not enough to consider him a friend. Czern and Raffy are super quiet. I’ve heard Raffy plays like a crackhead which is fun, I’d rather have Raffy as an ally, or drop him early, who knows we’ll see. Love this game and ily all xoxo <3

So the first challenge is counting. I’m aight at math and I think I can count to 10 so I got this in the bag. I can’t exactly strategise except for social game at this point SOOOO I’ve decided to work my social game ELSEWHERE. I’ve decided to advertise for my Tengaged Group Game (with my Tengaged soulmate Liam) by sending the VL messages to go apply! I’ve also made a forms “application” to apply to be in the HOST CHAT!! How exciting! I got 20+ apps within two days (one person was like 10 of them but shhh). I’m very pumped for this game, Lowkey my tribe I feel is easiest to...manoeuvre. I wouldn’t say manipulate. Manoeuvre. I wanna try get to know them on a more personal level before anything. But honestly I learned my lesson in my past Survivor org to never stay to one ship. If it looks like it’s sinking, JUMP YOU SILLY GOOSE!

Im very worried about something...there may be no Music Video challenge! Don’t get me wrong I’m a shy bitch, but like, it’s very fun to lipsync and perform 💅 but I won’t be able to play any *good* music like Ariana, Beyoncé, Lady Gaga, Dua Lipa or Britney with all these straights. Ugh. Bummed out buttttt I’m sure I’ll survive. *insert a spooky witch gif to keep to the theme teehee* *takes a sip of an energy drink in the confessional chair* Actually you know what? Here is the songs I’d wanna perform to if we did get a Music Video challenge that are witch themed or witch vibes: “Rhiannon” by Fleetwood Mac “A Little Wicked” by Valerie Broussard “Seven Devils” by Florence & The Machine “House Of The Rising Sun” by Lauren O’Connell “Wicked Ones” by Dorothy That’s my rant. Love you all 🧙‍♀️

This tribe doesn't seem very social which works perfectly for me. This means that being the most social one will benefit me in the early game. For this challenge, I know not to fuck up and I know the strategy, but I fear that these newbies won't which will be a drag. Hopefully we can pull out an immunity win so that I can further situate myself as a pillar to this tribe

My tribe lost. I was mostly quiet in the challenge because I don’t wanna stick out like a sore thumb. I kinda know Jay, and I’m in a trio with Alex and Ben so we should be good. I wouldn’t mind if Czern or Raffy left ngl. If I leave first ill...riot.

So. I feel like I’m in a decent position. Talking to Alex he and Ben apparently wouldn’t mind Czern leaving. That’s great news as I’ve talked to him the least. Alex and Ben are a duo with me as their third. Taking to Jay, he wants me and Raffy around. Am I...going to potentially be in 2 trio alliances? That’s so GOOD! I wanna talk to Ben more and Raffy more. Make it look like I’m down with either trio. If Czern leaves and a F3 is made with myself, Jay and Raffy, then boom I’m the one in power!

I mean making sure your the vote is important. But to use connections to set you up well in the tribe, honey that’s a 4D chess move! It’s spooky szn and this first tribal may show a division if it’s not unanimous. If I make moves without people realising then that’s hot.

So we lost the challenge. Honestly, I feel fine because I have been social and it seems like people like me. I feel Ben should go because I've barely talked to him and he basically ruined the challenge by always wanting to do evens and didn't just quit it when it wasn't working. I personally blame him for the loss because he just didn't take a breath and leave things be. Plus, I don't think anyone has been talking as much with him or Alex. However, I'm just going to keep my opinions to myself and let the target fall on them as it will.

Last night was the immunity challenge and it went really well for us! We didnt even mess up and very quickly took to the tactic that is easiest to win. Everybody speaks in order! We were talking after and were actually worried that with the time being shorter, other teams would talk quicker than we did and beat us. However, when the scores came out it was 182, 46, and 15. I'm really proud of our tribe and us reaching near 200! Though I am sure this is one of the few challenges where us having fewer people is helpful. Hopefully our entire tribe can make it next challenge!

The names going around the tribe are Czern and Ben. I've talked only to Alex and Jay so far. Alex says that Ben said Czern's name. I don't want Czern to go because I feel like I can make him trust me very easily. Jay prefers Ben to go because he doesn't want to vote for Czern two times in a row. Also, Jay told me that he and Mac want to start a potential alliance with me. This means my social abilities are working!! This alliance will make me feel very secure for the rest of pre-merge as it's a strong three that easily claims the majority in this tribe. Hopefully, this is the first alliance in my tribe and I'm not playing into someone's hands, but I doubt that would happen. Score one for Raffy

Howdy y’all! Uhhh I don’t have much to say. Not much has happened yet and everyone’s pretty quiet. I stan the idol hunt? Simple and easy to navigate, but also very creative. We are immune after the first challenge! n e ways...uh...acab

I’m nervous that we lost the first challenge. I have yet to ever survive a tribal council, so I’m trying not to go. Let’s hope I’m not getting voted out

As tribal approaches, I am getting more nervous. There's barely been any chats, but that may be do to these people being slightly antisocial. Or it has something to do with this being an easy vote? I don't know. I am just getting a sinking feeling in my gut. But it also doesn't make any sense to get rid of me since all I've done is be social. Hopefully, everyone is telling the truth and I can just worry about the next immunity challenge.

Apparently Mac and Alex know Ben personally, so they want to get rid of Czern because they don't know him and that's a bunch of bullshit and is not fair to Czern. Ben has been so inactive and he didn't pull his weight in the challenge. We're going to lose again if he stays! But I'm not one to rock the boat. I feel bad for Czern, but I'm not risking my position in a cozy new alliance for him. Though I am more aware than ever of Mac and his threat status. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. He's going down and I'm going to be the one to do it eventually. In any case, I'm glad to finally be in an alliance that seems strong and trusting. It is with me, Jay, and Mac called Jam Rocks. We'll see how the chips fall.

[thearchitectoftomorrowarchiiived]

PSA TIME FOR ALL BLOGS.

So I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, and basically I’ve just come to an outlook that’ll make me stop feeling shitty about my roleplaying and writing. Basically, if you can’t show me any interest in our ship, plot, interaction whatever it may be, then I’m just not going to bother. I’m a creative guy, I love writing and straight up, it’s one of my biggest passions in life. There’s a reason, I want to become a screenwriter/scriptwriter eventually, I love writing. 

Because I love writing, I get so god damn invested into my stuff, like I actually care more than I should probably for something that isn’t real. But I’ve enjoyed this hobby for so many years, and it’s so important and special to me. I’ll come to you with plots, headcanons, like all of that stuff. When I’m invested into something, you’ll get my excitement, you’ll get my hype, you’ll get all of it. But that being said, when I get nothing in return, like no excitement, no hype, no like indication you give a shit, it’s pretty disheartening. And honestly, just makes me doubt myself as a writer and as a roleplayer. I want people I can just scream about our stuff with in caps, who will love our connection or ship as much as me. Not saying that’s what I expect from everyone. I know some people are different, and have different ways of showing this sort of thing. And as I said before, I get too invested into my stuff. But I won’t settle for writing partners that aren’t going to show me any interest at all, I’m not here to feel like a burden over something I do for fun, I get enough crap offline, and I don’t need to continue making myself feel miserable and bad over this stuff.

I know some might take this as pretty hypocritical for me to say, considering i’ve been away so much recently. I can understand, and value your point. But I’m trying my very best to be here, and even I with all of my excitement and love have my off days. I won’t always be on top form, I can’t show that level of love on my bad days, but I try my best. Because that’s what I expect from the people I write with, your best. I expect to get what I’m giving out, I was raised to believe you get what you’re given in life. I give you excitement and love for example over our things, I expect the same back. Like actual interest at least, I don’t think I’m being a dick for wanting this from the people I’m giving my effort to. If you just don’t wanna ship with me, if you just don’t wanna show me you care about our things, then just tell me. And we can drop our stuff, no questions asked. No hard feelings, I’ll go onto someone who will show me they care.

To conclude, if you think this is about you? Trust me, it’s not. I’ve felt this way for a very long time now, and when I’m ending up at the point of feeling bad over something I do for fun, I needed to bring it up. I make myself miserable, because I just doubt myself, when I really shouldn’t. I’m already insecure enough, that I don’t need any further reasons to feel like it. I sincerely hope, no one feels shitty or bad over what I’ve said, everyone I write with is wonderful, I just needed to make sure that people are aware of what I expect from the people I write with, I’m knuckling down on this stuff to be honest. I’m focusing on the people that’ll show me that they care, and I don’t feel bad over doing that. I make myself feel bad, miserable and upset because I just care so much, this isn't even targetted at anyone just an in general post, so there's no need to feel any level of guilt and stuff. I've just been needing to make clear, how I want things to work with my roleplaying from this point forward. I hope you can understand, and appreicate that. Much love.  

[bewitchthequeen]

The Worst (and Best) Part of The Originals 4x11 and 4x12

I was late on 4x11 so I put them together.

Note: If you like Hayley, Elijah, Freya, Davina, Kolvina, Freya/Keelin. or Haylijah and don’t care to hear counter opinions and that makes you aggressive and mean then this isn’t something you’re interested in, I’m going to have to ask you to move along :D I’m entitled to my opinions as you are yours. Any aggression targeted at me because I don’t ship what you ship or like who you like will be treated with demeaning responses.

You have been warned.

Side Note: I have nothing against any of the actors (or the writers), these are solely my opinions, which I’m entitled to have.

If you have anything to include, feel free to add your own thoughts.

I’m putting this under a Read More so people who don’t want to see this doesn’t have to.

1. I still feel bringing Davina back is a weak ass retcon and I really don’t care about her living again. Booooring. Oooh Davina’s going to suffer if the Hollow dies? Still don’t care about Davina being back. Honestly, she’s just becoming more and more of a crappy remake of Bonnie. I mean, Bonnie had justified anger. Davina’s angry at the world and is quickly killing any sympathy that I’ve had for her.

2. Oh, look, Haylijah bullshit. Here comes me not caring again. Last scene we saw of them was her being afraid of him. Which is bullshit in itself but whatever.

3. Oh, Elijah’s been gone for a few days and the pendant can’t hold Elijah. It held Finn for how long before he came back? But Elijah’s been in for a day, if that, and it can’t hold him. Lemme call bullshit. That’s some straight up bullshit. Honestly, I think we need a bit of a break from Elijah and his bullshit. If anything, we should have been seeing him dealing with being in the pendant but no. It was breaking (which was stupid but whatever).

4. Calling Kol to help with the totem when he has said totem. That’s not cliche or anything at all. The characters don’t know that, but I’m sorry, the writers should know better.

5. Rebekah continues to be the best and I love her. Queen Rebekah deserves the best and she’s coming correct with the lines this season.

6. This show rides Hayley’s nonexistent dick so hard sometimes. It’s exhausting me.

7. “Compel her a nanny”. Fuck. You. Freya.

8. “I can’t take a little girl’s mother”. But you can take her father. Please, shut the fuck up, Davina. Your double standards are bullshit. You had shitty parents and you should be more inclined to appreciate someone trying to be better for their kid, something your parents didn’t do. But, no, you tried to justifying killing Klaus even though he had seldom to do with your death. But you’re cool with Hayley the, what, two minutes you spent with her. Why does everyone seem to like Hayley even though she has a shitty personality? Seriously. Oh, right. She a huge Mary Sue, that’s why. Everyone loves her, even though she does some terrible shit and tries to justify it. She killed 12 of her friends for a fucking flash drive, but she’s somehow a lot more reliable than Klaus and basically anyone else. Okay. Sure.

9. YOU’RE GOING TO USE YOUR NIECE TO FUCKING UNLINK YOUR GIRLFRIEND FROM THE HOLLOW ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! This Kolvina bullshit is making me so unbelievably sick. Davina being the center of his universe after knowing and dating her for a few months (if that) and five years later he’s obsessing over her. What the hell is so special about her? And using her as Kol’s redemption is total bullshit. After him bitching about how his family excludes him, how am I suppose to feel sympathy when he pulls shit like that?

10. Hayley and Freya, two people I don’t give a shit about. Yay, that means I can ignore this. Cause fuck these two. Fuck these two people in particular. Both of them make me sick.

11. Oh, look how quick they were put out of commission. That’s so cute. And you thought you were just going to get the drop on the Hollow.

12. “I’m not suppose to do magic with strangers” DAMNNNNNNN!! Hope done told you Kol. (Note: I love Kol Mikaelson. I just don’t like Kolvina or Davina). Get some ice for that burrrrrrrrn.

13. Kol betrayed Klaus and Klaus is now pissed off. God damn. I want to know what he was expecting.

14. “Is he [Elijah] good to you?” Guess what? I DON’T CARE! All the shits I give, Hayley isn’t one of them. Honestly, I appreciated her having a personality but it’s also being very high and mighty and going against what she’s done in the past. I’m sorry, but there is nothing... nothing... That could have happened in those five years that could justify her getting on an even higher horse than she was already on.

15. Corrupting a memory of Jackson. I wasn’t expecting that, god damn. Good job, Hollow. I approve, despite the fact that you’re not really even vaguely threatening when you speak.

16. Guess who’s back, back, back, back again, gain, gain. Jack is back, back, back. And he’s kicking Hayley’s ass.

17. Freya and Keelin is still lackluster for me. Mostly, because Keelin deserves better. And it feels kind of forced. I don’t know. Maybe the whole Stockholm Syndrome isn’t a winning trope for me. Now I know she’s not being held hostage anymore but that doesn’t change what a raging bitch Freya was. Why does the show think that to be a strong, female character that means you have to be the hugest bitch in the universe.

18. Kol and his reasons. Honestly, you’re betraying your family when giving them a bit of a heads up would have helped immensely. Klaus probably wouldn’t be as pissed. But again, season 2 he was bitching about how he was trusted or treated like a part of the family but then he turns around and does this for someone he’s only known for a little over five years. 

19. I stop paying attention with Davina on screen. It’s so I don’t start screaming and so this list won’t devolve into only cuss words.

20. Klaus is right and he doesn’t owe Davina shit. Especially after she tried to justify killing him. Fuck her. “But she was killed over him” Yeah, well, Klaus didn’t kill her. He’s not the one who killed her and, like I said before, Elijah would have been good enough to be killed instead but that was a personal vendetta against Klaus. But Davina gets a happy ending even though she doesn’t really deserve it. “But she died” Okay? And? How many times did Bonnie die and she still got fucked over? The female characters on this show just get away with too much shit and it makes me sick.

21. Kol got to me. And I feel for him, but I honestly can’t feel for Davina. I love Kol and his heart breaking makes me hurt, but I really just don’t like Davina and how she’s forgiven for the things she does.

22. Why was Hayley afraid of Elijah again? Fucking psycho murder bitch right there. Hayley goes over kill and she tore people limb from limb but she’s afraid of Elijah. Hey, I want Haylijah dead as much as the next anti Haylijah person, but when shit don’t make sense, I gotta call that out. Gafuck yourself, Hayley Marshall.

23. Rebekah/Marcel feels. <3 I still love them so.

24. Kolvina still is something that makes me feel numb in this show. Neither of them really suffered enough to warrant a happy ending. The ancestors wanted to destroy Davina’s soul and yet somehow she survived that. Whatever. Just... what the fuck ever.

25. Did anyone else notice that Davina didn’t even try to go and see Marcel before just running off with Kol? Where’s that love you claimed that you had for him? This just proves to me how ungrateful Davina is. Am I really going to have to make an anti list for her? It’s bad enough I gotta do it for Hayley, but now her? This just proves that Cami is the best non-Mikaelson woman and this godforsaken show. When she turned into a vampire sure she was a royal bitch, but at least she wasn’t fucking ungrateful.

26. Another Hayley scene that I don’t give a damn about. -insert me whistling-

27. Possessed Hope. Never would have guessed it! (sarcasm).

28. Vincent is finally back which makes this episode better than the last two. Proof that Vincent makes everything better is that I actually am getting hyped for this episode. Woooooo!

29. Elijah throwing a fit over Hayley. I only have one thing to say to Elijah: Katherine. 

30. Hayley not talking to Elijah because? Oh, she’s scared of him. Bitch, get over yourself.

31. Rebekah<3 My love for her is endless and god I hope some goodness comes to her, please.

32. Keelin is too good for Freya. Not even a sex scene can mend that. Freya is just a fucking horrible person and I can’t take it and she doesn’t deserve a relationship or need one for that matter. The thought of her being romantic with anyone is enough to make me want to spit acid. 

33. Hayley always wants to demand attention even if there are pressing matters. This has not changed at all in the last five years.

34. Hayley running away from Elijah. Down with Haylijah! Down with Haylijah!

35. Hayley saw monster!Elijah and I’m just like bitch... You’ve done some horrible shit. Get off your high horse.

36. Freya’s death speech. She’s tethered to Klaus. They never broke her immortality bullshit so...? What the hell is she talking about? Her immortality never stopped. She’s still immortal. That’s why Dahlia tethered herself to Klaus, so she wouldn’t have to sleep to remain immortal. Freya is still immortal. Did the writers forget about that or something?

37. “I want you to take Hayley and Hope away from this”. You’re in no position to be telling anyone anything. Especially not Hope. You are not Hope’s father and it pisses me off when he acts like it. Get the fuck out of here.

38. If Vincent stays dead, I riot.

39. Freya/Keelin is still just so half assed to me. At least that’s how I feel...

40. Hayley gets impaled but lemme guess the Hollow “somehow” missed her heart and she’s still alive.... Told ya.

41.  Vincent. Haaa! Bitch! :D I love Vincent.<3

42. Klaus talking to Hope<3

43. Hayley is invoking my rage towards her again. 

Well, that’s it for now. Hope you enjoyed<3

[papersandkeyboards]

4/10: Geek Out!

Pretty much half of April I spent outside of school—outside of Seattle, for that matter. I just spent a week away because of the AFS trip and right the week after that was spring break, and Karen and Eric got a major scheme planned precisely for the next week.

I only got one day after I got back from AFS trip to be spent in Seattle, before flying away again. And thanks to destiny and luck, Sunday is the last day of the thing I put on the top 10 of my exchange wish list: a comic convention.

Another reason to be grateful to be placed in a big city like Seattle. On my second visit to the comic book store near Seattle Central in the past, I asked the comic book store guy about any comic cons. He told me there was gonna be one here in Seattle, called Emerald City Comic Con. And he said it was quite famous, although, obviously, not as famous as the San Diego one.

Emerald City Comic Con was held from April 7-10. I nearly had a heart attack when I checked the guest list and found out that Danielle Panabaker (The Flash) was gonna be there. I would be depressed if I didn’t go. I also found out that my AFS trip was from April 2-9, thinking that I might fly home on the tenth, but I didn’t. It was a close call.

Next problem: someone to go with.

I wouldn’t mind going alone, but it will be much less lonely if I go with someone. I tried contacting my fellow Indonesian exchange students from all over Washington and even Oregon, but to no avail. Desperate, I did something I have never done before: literally put a desperate request for anyone to go with me. Like, anyone.

Ended up going with Gretar. Yaay. Turned out he had someone he was dying to see too. Booked the tickets for Sunday only, and got the pass shipped a couple weeks before the event.

So I have told you the story of my camera getting wet in Washington DC. The thing seemed to run out of battery just before I left for Comic Con, so I charged it for like five minutes. And it sure as shit did only work for five minutes before it died mysteriously. I only took one freaking picture of Washington State Convention Center, and now I had to carry this heavy not-working thing around. Uggggh.

So this is what a comic con looks like. An ocean of eccentric-dressing people as expected. A lot of Deadpools, jacked up ones and potbellied ones. Several Ms. Marvels. Some Batmen. Many over-the-top video games and Japanese anime characters. Lots of sexified characters, don’t matter if the characters were sexy or not in the first place. Saw a couple of real-life robotically moving R2D2. Many Reys. A couple Darth Vaders. One really pretty Princess Bubblegum (or whoever her name is, if I’m mistaken with her name). But of course, there were also a lot of people who are too lazy to dress up, like me. Having a t-shirt with four Deadpool faces on it definitely wasn’t a costume, but it was enough to express fashion contribution to the convention.

I also just discovered that a comic con was not merely a big room of exhibitions and souvenir stores. There was a whole big room for the guests autographing and photo-op, a whole floor for stores and online shops to sell comic books and shirts and action figures. The rest of the smaller rooms were used for talk sessions, like fandom meet-ups, comic-making classes, or discussions about different topics in comic books in particular or in general. The bottom floor was a family area, filled with exhibition from Lego and scheduled demonstration from Pacific Science Center.

A lot of interesting stuff happening. Yay. Though gotta admit I wasn’t that big of a geek since I didn’t recognize most of the stuff happening in the conference rooms.

Finally I got in line for an autograph and a picture with Danielle Panabaker and took it with Gretar’s phone camera after he got his picture with whoever actor he was in line for. Gotta admit, not the best quality, but it sure was something. Still numb from disbelief that I met Caitlin Snow in person for the next hour.

(mantap abis)

But I got another agenda. Aside from Danielle Panabaker, I also discovered that Raina Telgemeier, an illustrator/comic book artist, was having a talk at noon in one of the rooms. I honestly don’t know her other works, but from before I know she made these three comic books: “Smile”, “Sisters”, and “Drama”. The first two are based from her own real life experience. I didn’t even know why did I buy “Smile” years ago, but I found out that the way she wrote and illustrate it was really interesting and flowy and easy to follow. It’s one of those light books that doesn’t take that much concentration that you can read during break between other heavy books you may be reading.

I discovered the last two in Harper’s room, so I borrowed them from her and finished them in two days (one for each book—if I really put my mind into it I could finish them in a day). Since I’m not really fangirling for these books, I couldn’t really say I was dying to meet Raina Telgemeier. But I was pretty hyped to get a chance to see her.

Gretar and I split when the time for Raina Telgemeier came. As expected, the room was filled with rather little kids. Like, little kids. Elementary. Kids in princess costume and spiderman attire from the kids’ section in Target. Felt more like Halloween instead of Comic Con.

But no, I wasn’t the oldest one. There were several teenagers in the room, though.

After some waiting, she finally came up the podium in front of the room. She was as pretty as her picture in the back of the books. She talked through this podium on one side of the stage where a moderator would be if there were a panel inside the room. You know.

She talked about her books and her experience in writing her own experience and how she draws and other things. At one point, she picked two kids to join her in a reading session where she and the chosen kids read a few pages of her second book “Sisters”, which we could see the panels through the projector screen. She showed some comparisons between her childhood pictures and her illustrations in the book. At the end of the talk, before Q&A, she voluntarily drew from whatever random ideas the kids threw at her. I think it was someone eating an apple getting abducted by aliens in Boston commons or something.

It was fun. I asked a question during the Q&A, hehe. I don’t know, a little regret I had was maybe for not taking a picture with her. I just didn’t feel like it at the time. Stupid me. Oh well. I still got to see her. That’s what matters.

As I said before, turned out I wasn’t, obviously, a big geek as I thought. Maybe I am among my friends. But I was definitely no one in this sea of people who dedicated their time and sweat to make costumes and money to buy tickets for the whole four days of Comic Con and their comfort to look on fleek in their costumes for the whole day. I called Eric a few hours ago to bring me my white small camera, and he came some time in the afternoon, maybe around 2. I gave him my dead heavy camera, and Gretar and I split because he wanted to see Batman vs. Superman. I didn’t join him because a) I’ve heard what the critiques said, b) I’ve heard what Nate—someone in fourth period—ranted about the movie and how it was a bad one, and c) points a and b turned me off, supported by the fact that I wasn’t THAT huge of a DC fan to watch it eventhough people said it was bad.

So I stayed because I wanted to make my $35 worth it. I planned on going to Pacific Science Center’s last exhibition for the day, which was around 4ish, so I waited by exploring the whole building. Or more like the floors where they sell souvenirs and merchandise and all that stuff.

I was trying to be a better fangirl by trying to buy something. But most of them were either too expensive for such a simple design, or unavailable for my size. I almost bought this STAR Labs sweater which would be really cool if only they didn’t only have the size XL. sigh.

I ended up buying nothing. I suppose it’s good because I saved my money. Hehe.

Okay. Maybe not nothing. When I was trying to kill time before the science show, I walked a few blocks to the Central Library and made my Library Card. Then I walked a few more blocks back to the heart of downtown. I entered Old Navy.

The story behind this was that since the end of 2015, I’ve been eyeing this cardigan, which—bear with me—suits me really good, and my mom said it suits me really good, and it came from the maternity section. It was $25. Waiting for an opinion from my mom at the time, I left the store and decided to wait until I’m really sure.

So I came back in the beginning of 2016, and it was freaking $30. For some unknown reasons, I didn’t buy it. So this day, the day of Comic Con, I came back to see if mayyyyybe the price has gone down?

So I looked at the maternity section... only to find that them cardigans were replaced by tank tops.

I totally forgot that items in the store are seasonal. You can see here that I don’t shop much to know about this kind of stuff.

But I did spot one cardigan—the one I wanted—on the top rack, alone. I asked the store person and he said it was the last one. He took it down and it happen to be my size. And guess how much was it.

It was $3.28.

Hurrah!

I sure as shit bought it straight away.

Then I went back to the convention center, watched an exhibition show by Pacific Science Center about electricity or something, then, hoping I would have a question to ask but I didn’t, I went home.

All in all, although what happened wasn’t exactly like what I expected, but I am very extremely happy that I got one of my goals achieved. Kudos to fate for placing me in a big city like Seattle. I might be the biggest comic book geek in my environment back home, but I sure am the tiniest comic book geek in the convention, literally and figuratively. And the convention was way more than American comic books, as it reached farther out to American TV shows, cartoons, and Japanese anime. I wasn’t completely like a kid in a candy store to have all these geeky stuff I’d never got back home, but it definitely was worth it.

The only downside was probably the camera. The stupid camera. Correction—stupid me.

But why the hell should I focus on one low light when there were two high lights of the day: I got to go to a freaking Comic convention, AND unexpectedly got a piece of cardigan I’ve been eyeing for the past several months for a price lower than a lunch combo in KFC?

Hell yeah.