#honestly these two scenarios overlap too

[blacknidstang]

There are two wolves inside me, one is masochistic sub Sam who becomes addicted to pain as some sort of self punishment & purification, all the while finding orgasmic pleasure deep beneath layers of guilt, self hatred & alienation, (which in turn will feed his freak identity belief even more),, and the other is brat Sam who has some sort of confidence in how devoted Dean is to him and therefore does all the bitching, push and pull, banters and games to rile Dean up & make him crazy, to make him fuss over him, to make him worried and angry and distressed, to make him shout & pin him to the wall

[tainbocuailnge]

I think there is a difference between the comic as a sequence of images with text and the comic as a comic. it's a subtle difference that an untrained eye might not see but the more one as artist draws comics the clearer this difference becomes, because one who first aspires to draw comics will soon find they are merely drawing sequences of images with text.

when people say an artist is clearly inspired by anime they often use "anime" to refer to japanese pop culture in general, but if you look more closely you can often tell it really is specifically anime rather than manga that inspired them, because the paneling and camera angles in their comics will read like a series of anime screenshots rather than a manga page. similarly, when I was a teenager really popular manga that had anime adaptions would sometimes get "animanga" reprints where they replaced the panels with the equivalent anime screenshots of the scene, and they often looked like dogshit because the very premise showed blatant disregard for why the original comic worked in the first place. these two examples are both about anime because i am a weeb but it applies outside that context too. a cartoon storyboard can be read as if it were a comic, but what it really is is a sequence of images with text that has yet to be refined into its actual intended format.

there are many artists who only employ the medium of comic because what they actually want to draw is a video, or a video game cutscene, but the only tool actually at their disposal is the ability to draw a series of images and add text to them so that is what they use. there is no shame or mistake in doing this, you have to make your art with the tools that you have available, and if the sequence of images with text is enough to convey the idea then it was the right tool for the job. but these are different mediums with different visual languages, languages which have a lot of overlap and can occasionally be used in each other's stead to achieve similar results (especially when drawing a fanart comic of a video game for example), but which are still ultimately different. the comic and the video and the cutscene are all different forms that a sequence of images with text can take but they are far from completely interchangeable.

there is a key difference in approach to the comic as a series of images roughly interchangeable with other forms of series of images like the video and the cutscene, and the comic as specifically the comic. this difference in approach is not always necessary to achieve results, an artist who wants to convey a scenario they came up with needs only the sequence of images with text to achieve this. but the difference between a comic with good writing and art, and a comic that is a good comic, is in whether it was treated as a comic rather than a sequence of images with text. I say this as an artist whose nearly every comic has been simply a sequence of images, because I just don't have the patience to refine it into a comic when I merely want to convey my idea rather than draw a comic. it takes a particular skill and insight that have to be developed and practised separately from the ability to draw well and the ability to write well in order to become good at making "the comic" as synthesis of the two.

it's hard to specifically point out the essence of this difference between the sequence of images and the comic because it's kind of a vibes thing honestly, and it depends on where and how the comic was meant to be published too. comics meant to have paper print editions have different constraints and requirements and frameworks to work with than webtoons meant to be read on slim mobile screens in a continuous scrolling format. a good traditional comic will consider not just how each individual panel looks but also the way each page as a whole looks, and how the pages look next to each other in a spread, and how it feels to turn the page towards the next spread. a good webtoon will consider the movement of scrolling down and how this affects the transition from one moment to another in its composition. time is time in videos and cutscenes but space is time in comics, and the space your have available determines how you can divide time across it. when you make a webcomic on your own website you have no constraints but the ones you set for yourself, and sometimes this leads to things like homestuck, which would not work in any other format than the one it created for itself.

the best comics are good because they tell their story and present their images specifically in the form of a comic, in a way that would not be possible if it were not specifically a comic. I think this is true for basically every medium, I'm just thinking about comics specifically lately, because even though I don't really consider myself a comic artist - because I usually draw sequences of images rather than comics - the thing my clients want to pay for is often still "a comic", and they don't know or care to tell the difference. it's a difference that, as established, is often fairly moot anyway, because as long as it successfully conveys your idea it's good enough. but it's precisely because the sequence of images is often good enough that the specific skill of the comic artist is often overlooked.

[heartfullofleeches]

do you ever just feel like an old man browsing tumblr because youre so behind? liek everyone was fixtated on puppyboy reader and fast food reader and ALL the readers and i wasnt and now im fixtated on fast food reader while everyones now fixtated on lacey and lucy T_T

If u want to could u do a scenario where fast food reader gets kidnapped? Make it as short as u want i just wanna read smth fromyou lol

Bound and unable to move - you lay motionless on the dirty floor of some unmarked van; counting the blood splatters on the ceiling to pass the time. 32, 33, 34 - wow, these guys are really serious. Being kidnapped by hardened criminals would've gotten you a win on the bingo card of all the fucked things happen to you on the job - if you hadn't already been kidnapped twice this week. It just had to be a Friday too. Your boss will use this little encounter to drag you back in for the weekend due to "concerns for your safety" or whatever other bullshit they make up to keep you on duty. Speaking of staff - why haven't they saved you yet?

"They're too loud. Shut them up."

You're about seventy percent sure these guys aren't telepathic... It's when one of the crooks tells you they aren't that you come to the conclusion that you've been talking out loud this whole time. A faint riiip sounds from the passenger seat as the one sitting in it stands, duct tape in hand. You plant your feet against the wall, pushing yourself upright as they approach.

"Before you do this - just know the only reason you all are still alive is probably because my coworkers are placing rock paper scissors to see who gets to keep your spines. You'll honestly be lucky if you die here."

The kidnappers eyes narrow behind their mask. As their foot draws back, static coming from the radio stops them from bring it down on your chest. They turn as the driver findles with the radio as the static crackles and pops from its speakers, bashing his fist against the dashboard.

"Why won't this fucking thing turn off!"

A familiar voice overlaps with the static.

"Over come with guilt for their wrongdoings, the driver takes the gun from the glove compartment and places it against his temple - pulling the trigger. The employee closes their eyes, and keeps them closed until they are free"

Your eyes clamp shut right as the driver reaches for the glove compartment. They catch a glimpse of the man placing the gun against the side of his head - a loud bang causing you to squeeze them tighter. Chaos erupts soon after - as if there wasn't enough already. Before the surviving crooks had time to process what just happened, the entire van quakes with the reverberating boom of something large hitting it from outside. The back door is torn from its hinges, cold air seeping through like blood from a fresh wound. You hear the kidnappers raise their guns and voices in defense, weapons tumbling to the floor as as sharp metal scrapes along the walls of the van. A wet snout presses against your cheek - heavy tongue licking the sweat from your damp skin.

"I'm okay, Lambchop. The ropes are a little tight, but I'm unharmed otherwise. Please go easy on them."

The mascot snorts in response. At least you tired. Two pairs of hands pick you up off the floor of the van and drags you out as the first scream tears through the bitter night. You feel weightless as they carry you back inside and sit you down in a booth. One set of hands checks your face, hands and every exposed inch of skin for bruises or scratches. The others gentle cup your cheeks.

"Y/n, open your eyes."

"I physically can't until you untie me."

Your chest becomes lighter as the ropes fall off you. The first sight you see as you reopen your eyes is the janitor pocketing their pocket knife and the concern in the succubus' gaze as she removes her hands from your face. The Janitor is the first to speak.

"Are you okay?"

You rub at the rings around your wrist. "Probably would've had my chest caved in if the Storyteller didn't bail me out, but I'm okay now."

The janitor's hands tighten into fists. The succubus' eyes dark so deeply they turn near black, but she hides her anger behind a sweet smile.

"Well since you're okay we'd better it going. I'm sure the ball pit hands can help you relax better than you could."

"Where are you two heading?"

The janitor speaks up for her. "We're going back outside. I need to get my spines before Lambchop completely turns their bodies into paste."

[kp-alice]

Okay

So amongst the SVT members, who do you think would be into bondage? (Receiving)

While writing out all these requests, I've realized that I see a lot of overlap in what types of subs Wonwoo/Mingyu and Jeonghan/Joshua would be. And then Seungcheol is this kind of anything-goes-in-a-small-dose kinda guy, lol. I might make a post in the future about what types of subs Svt would be, we'll see ~

(Also, I lowkey highkey feel like my writing is slowly getting worse, sorry if it actually is. After this event, I'm going back to my usual format of things, I promise <3)

Either way, here you go, hope you enjoy!

BONDAGE WITH SUB!SEVENTEEN

Jeonghan loves being tied up with pretty ribbons, but would also revel in more harsh materials like rope. Honestly, he likes to pretend to be all soft and innocent for you, but deep down, all he really wants is for you to fuck him and make it hurt (within consent and reason, of course). And so, the feeling of rope tying his wrists to the headboard, digging into his skin the more he squirms, would be almost high-inducing. Make him feel like a damsel in distress, tied to your bed by his wrists and ankles, completely helpless and waiting for your saving, only to find out you're far, far from his white knight (and pretend like that's not exactly the scenario he asked you for).

Careful, though, because he can also get a bit too carried away sometimes and is then at risk of some nasty rope burns - please watch out for him and treat any of his wounds if he does end up tugging too hard <3 :(

Joshua, much like Jeonghan, would also use silk and satin ribbons the most, sans the added roughness of rope. He loves feeling like a pretty prince for you, wanting you to appreciate the vibrant colors adorning his beautiful skin. With time, I can also see him getting curious about spreader bars, liking the forced lewdness of it - a beautiful mix of faux innocence and teasing playfulness, just the way Joshua loves to carry himself.

The yin to Joshua's yang, Woozi, would adore seeing dark green or blue rope wrapped around his body, forcing him to keep his hands behind his back while you have your way with him. Unlike the previous two, he wouldn't really like being bound to something, since it would make him feel a little too helpless and trapped for his liking.

On the other hand, he'd also slowly come to find how blissful the frustration of restraint can be. There's just something about being forced to lie on his stomach with his arms tightly bound together behind him, unable to even shuffle around a bit to get more comfortable, all while you fuck him and press him even further into the mattress. It would all just add so much frustration to his already stressed-out mind that it would basically cause it to short-circuit and reset him in the best way possible.

Another reluctantly-admitted favorite is when you tie his hands in front of him and make him lie on his back, each leg carefully tied to make it bend at the knee and keep his legs spread for you. It feels so open and intimate to let you bind him like this, he loves it so much.

Now, Minghao loves bondage not only for the aesthetics of it, but also because it helps him relax like nothing else can. There's already something incredibly mesmerizing about colorful rope being elegantly tied across his chest and thighs, but the way you treat him as your own little art project, carefully tying each knot in calming, peaceful silence while all of your attention is on him and him only, it all just makes his head spin and his dick harder than ever.

Don't give in to his desires immediately, though. Just keep working the rope around his back and waist. Make him sit there in silence, too shy to ask for your touch and squirming in his seat more and more with each knot. The silent mind games work him up like no other.

Seungcheol would once again be pretty lowkey even about bondage, usually just resorting to a pair of handcuffs and a whiny attitude to compliment it.

Thank you for reading! And remember, feedback is always appreciated! ♥

[riacte]

Some thoughts about writing dialogue (coming from someone who basically transcribed the Blue9 MCC stream for fic purposes):

Real life dialogue is messy. People make mistakes, voices overlap, it gets unintelligible, people repeat themselves instinctively (even if they get their point across the first time)

And this is about Blue9 - four streamers (people who talk as a living) with effective communication / chemistry. It's still messy at times because that's simply how people communicate, especially in fast paced / stressful scenarios

Which makes it a bit tricky to translate to text, because if you repeat dialogue too much, it looks tacky even though it sounds perfectly normal.

Juggling between character voices in tense moments is also annoying because in audio form, you instinctively know who's speaking. But in text form, you have to add indicators so you just can't have paragraphs of dialogue (unlike speaking scenes between two characters)

^ although that could work if your characters have distinctive speaking styles (or mentioning characters by the name in the dialogue), but that also relies on the readers' knowledge of their speaking styles

^ even worse when it's a group and the voices are overlapping. The more characters you have to juggle in a scene, the more it feels like "[Character A] said" then "[Character B] said" and on it goes. It's already difficult to transcribe when it's a group of 5/6 and they're all talking.

At least there's one set of she/her pronouns in the Blue9 team. Actually this is partially why I like writing about men and women - it's easier to juggle pronouns (my skill issue lol)

I tried to keep it as close to canon as possible, but sometimes you have to edit down and add bits of exposition for clarity's sake. Like if you watch the stream, it makes sense. The repetition and messiness adds to the experience, honestly, But if you read the transcript, it doesn't work the best.

Tone is such a big thing. It comes instinctively in audio format, but it really is difficult to describe it in text sometimes, especially when it's a tense moment and you have to keep pushing forward instead of spending words to describe tone.

The good thing about writing about streamers is that if you use the right cues, readers can pick it up and picture that specific tone in their head. The bad thing is that this depends on the readers' knowledge and how good you are at describing. (The bad bad thing about this personally is that my OCs have weak character voices because I don't have canon basis.)

^ Bits of informality like stretching syllables and italics help. Like "oooh" is fundamentally different from "oh" and that is different from "ohhhh". And sometimes irl people do stretch syllables or pronounce them differently for humorous effect, but it can look unprofessional on text. (Like Scar's "a-maize-ing".) <- actually this can create distinctive character speaking styles and it's a cue to let readers immediately know who's speaking

Back to the action thing. These streamers are playing in a vc and they all hear each other, but realistically in action scenes, characters are gonna be in different places. There's volume to care about and voices getting lost in the chaos. But when writing, your focus is to push the story forward sooo realism is definitely not the priority

... Yeah. I'm giving my characters high quality communicators. And excellent hearing.

Dialogue in text is... intentional? You can see it in people snarking movies for having unrealistic dialogue. Its purpose is to convey something clearly. Dialogue in everyday life can contain a lot of blunders but that doesn't translate well in storytelling because we expect to learn something from dialogue. That's why it's there.

Transcribing videos and turning them into text based stories is an interesting exercise (and one that I keep on doing lol). It makes you more aware of the gap between irl and written dialogue and why there's a gap.

Godspeed to people who write dialogue between a group during an action scene. We all praise comms in MCC but it does give me a headache to write hahahaha.

[revenantghost]

Hi Rev, I hope it's not too awkward to ask, but I really really loved how you organized bookclub and the tristamp watch party and love all the discussions and analysis it brought on in the community here (I wasn't an active participant, but I participated in my heart and head every day with full excitement, enriched by the community).

To that end, I wanted to ask if you would ever consider hosting a trigun98 watch party, or if you'd have any tips to follow, since I think it's also an adaptation that did a lot of unique things to match the trigun essence and themes while having next to none of the official material as a reference. I'm personally find of building my own master doc analyzing the osts and the differences in each trigun iteration, and it fascinates me how they all diverge and reconverge on their themes. 98 is an adaptation that has a lot of depth to it if one scratches the surface to see how these unfolding events affect the characters differently, create new dynamics, and is arguably a lot more grim than the manga at times with how personal it becomes for our main characters. Despite that it holds a lighthearted attitude and outlook towards life.

Ah- that is me going off topic. I just thought I'd love to see what trigun lovers would think of it if we got a community event to look deeper into the series and discuss it, maybe even pointedly raise comparisons between the other adaptations.

I know that tristamp watch party is going to be active until the date the last episode aired, so I understand if this might be too much, or if the overlapping events might be too much. I just wanted to throw this thought out there, and also to give my thanks for all the positive energy you've built and spread through the community here.

Oh man, I'm so happy that you enjoyed them!!! Honestly, they were a blast to run. I didn't know what to expect going into either of them--I'm really just so shocked and kinda giddy that so many folks participated, had fun, and found friends through them. :D Regardless of if they created things or just read along!

I think a '98 watch party is a great idea! Unfortunately, I'm probably not the person to do it--I'm dealing with quite a bit and it's gonna be a rocky few months, bookclub 2.0 will be on the horizon at some point, and the other two Trigun iterations are more my bread and butter. (This isn't me shitting on it btw; it's exhausting scrolling through hate in the tags. Sure, I have criticisms for each version, but it's a very three-cakes scenario for me.)

But, like I said, this is an awesome concept for an event!!! I'm honestly a bit of a newb at running events, I've been on the fringes of mod teams before but these were the first ones that I actually ran, so I'm probably not the best to ask for advice given how much winging I do lol. I'd recommend looking at events you've enjoyed and emulating what they do, and getting the community involved as much as possible.

TL;DR: I can't do it, but if you or someone else wants to do it, go for it!!!

[waywardstation]

Regarding the ask about seeing Ingo as a father figure:

At first I was surprised by that comment in the tags. I know you see him more of an uncle than anything but I still was a bit surprised.

But then it hit me. Ingo himself is more of a big brother type personality wise. A father figure and a big brother figure have a lot of things overlapping but also there are certain things different.

You could say that the closest to compare Ingo's and Akaris relationship to each other would be the fictional relationship the twins have with Iris. Technically they can be considered big brothers to her but given the age gap they're more like 'uncles' than anything. Very close but not as strong as Ingo and Emmet. It is supportive, protective and a bit mischievous and always willing to help and everything. (though the mischievous part is currently buried somewhat because of Ingo's lost memories and given the whole situation they're in he is more of a victim of mischief than doing it himself)

so while I do believe there is a familial bond between them there likely are more like biiiig sibling young sibling or the mentioned uncle/niece kind of thing.

I also think that if Akari would consider Ingo more like a parent she would be less eager to prank him tbh.

Found family as well as caught in another place/another time far away from loved ones. Two souls able to understand each other and their struggles.

of course all these depictions are valid and fun!

Honestly their bond is really fun to explore and you've created so many great fics so far with many still in the making! Also thankful for the lack or minimal ship involvement in your stuff. (nothing against romance or shipping but I don't look for that when reading fanfics)

In regards to this ask, particularly the tags

Anon I love this ask so much. I didn’t explain my reasoning mostly because I didn’t want to ramble, and also just let the fic try to explain, but you hit the nail right on the head as to why I don’t see Ingo as a father figure to Akari.

I don’t see Ingo as one, because I don’t see him as a father, like at all. There are AUs and concepts out there that I like where they do make him a father in some way or another and do a good job of explaining why, but at the end of the day it’s not canon to his base character, so I do not subscribe to it in my works.

I don’t think Ingo is capable of holding that position in Akari’s life as he is, anyways. Realistically they’ve only known each other for several months in my canon. And while bonds like that can form between people (The Last of Us), I think it’s unrealistic in this scenario, just because of who Ingo and Akari are, and what they want.

So you’re very right anon. If anything, I express their relationship more like biiiiig sibling/ younger sibling, if not uncle/niece.

Ingo looks out for Akari, makes sacrifices for her, and encourages her. Akari looks up to Ingo as stability, plays jokes on him, and knowing full-well he goes out of his way for her, worries for him and does the same when she can. These can be applied to both types of relationships. Your comparison with fanon’s relationship with Iris is a really good one too!!

Akari does not see Ingo as a father figure, and Ingo does not pretend to be a father figure. Right now, it’s just a kid who’s bonded with a guy going through a more tragic version of the same experience she is, and a guy who wants to make sure this kid’s experience never gets as tragic as his.

They both have grown to care about each other, and in my canon, they just want to help each other make it back together.

Thank you for the ask anon!! I’m so glad you appreciate my content. Nothing against shipping or romance in works either, but as someone who’s never been interested in any of that, I think I’d be terribly cliche at writing it even if I wanted to try and put it into my work haha. This blog is 99% the platonic zone haha

[stepswowdsen]

【KagePro】 KuroEne AU: Kuroha pretends to join the Mekakushi Dan

KuroEne AU scenario where Kuroha/Saeru pretends to join the Mekakushi Dan, while getting intimate with Ene. Shintaro gets worried for Ene's sake as her friend.

Sen's KuroEne AU: Summary

(Kagerou Daze Manga: Ch. 64)

Mary confronts Kuroha... but with a twist :)

Credit: Feila

The credit for the KuroEne shitpost meme edit goes to Feila

They originally came up with the idea and made the shitpost meme edit, I just edited it over the JP scans (which are in high-res)

Since I haven't bought the Kagerou Daze Manga volumes in EN yet, only in JP

I'M CRYING LMAOOOO 😭😂

Ty for your service as always 🫡💞

Teamwork! 🎉

I'll put the summary of my rambles and my and Feila's discussion rambles under the cut!

Our discussion was really long so I'll just be pasting it here

9/07/2024 - 9/08/2024

Chats with Feila we had on 9/7 to 9/8

Original vs. Meme Versions

Original (JP)

Shitpost (JP)

Original (EN)

Shitpost (EN)

Text Version

Bear with me y'all since I haven't bought the EN volumes yet

I only have a few of the JP volumes rn. I'm planning to buy the rest eventually

I found out the exact font that the EN Official TL uses to typeset the KagePro manga's main dialogue with

I'm still trying to find the exact font for the JP one, so it's just really similar (but similar enough to fool people LOL)

Close enough since it's REALLY similar

I also found out the exact font used for Magi's main dialogue in Viz's EN Official TL too :)

...

F: YAAAYYYY

I'm gonna gaslight a few people into thinking this is the canon one

Me: IKR cuz now we have the exact same font as the official version LMAOOO 😂

...

F: WE DID IT 🤯🔥

Me: Power of teamwork, wahoo!!

F: Now time to fool people

...

F: GOOGLE TRANSLATE 😭😭😭

Me: HELPPP

F: It'd be funnier if the panel below was Saeru smirking while saying "hell yeah"

Me: WHDSHDHS HONESTLY IT WOULD

I should edit another image from the KagePro manga (later)

F: WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO 😭

Me: Like just take a panel of him smirking from somewhere else and then paste it instead of the bottom panel

But dang the last panel in the OG page overlaps with the 2nd panel

Maybe later but not rn

F: That's gonna take a lot of photoshopping

Tho it is possible

F: Pls focus on other things 🙏

F: Also isn't your birthday coming up?-

Me: Oooh yeah it is! I'm planning to draw something for it tho it might be late (which is fine)

September 12th ^^

F: Noted :3

Me: 6 days away from 9/6 Day and 6 is Ene's Mekakushi Dan code number. Ene we were made for each other wifey 💙💘💞💗

KuroEne AU: Kuroha/Saeru pretends to join the Mekakushi Dan

Continuation of these rambles.

Saeru's amassed power and resources

Minor thing but wrong particle in the 1st image

I think whoever edited the Wiki page copy pasted from Ayano's Eye Ability, Favouring Eyes (目をかける, Me wo Kakeru) cuz there's a typo here

What it says:

目をか冴える蛇 (Me wo Ka Saeru Hebi)

What it should be:

目が冴える蛇 (Me ga Saeru Hebi)

...

Other than that, the KagePro wiki mods are doing God's work fr

...

F: Also Saeru sees 2 disabled kids (HaruTaka) and went "Hell yeah let's kill them"

Me: HWHDSHSDH not only that but he's actually the reason why they were put into a Special Needs classroom for just the two of them

Like Iirc his manipulation while possessing Kenjirou got Takane and Haruka into their own classroom in the first place

F: Just gotta beg the principal bro, as long as they got the budget they're fine

F: I still stand by my old statement

Me: LMFAOOO

Me: Oh yeah I just remembered. He's also the reason why Takane Haruka and Ayano's deaths don't get mass reported to the media cuz he makes sure it stays rather contained within the school

F: 3 kids died on the same day

"Nah bro, nothing going here"

Me: RIGHT like 3 kids dying on the same thing would be a massive thing but apparently cuz of him it gets suppressed

F: Damn Kenjirou's co-workers trusts him that much 😨

Me: I swear I read somewhere that it's cuz of Saeru that the deaths of 3 teens gets swept under the rug so it doesn't ger reported to the media but I can't find it

F: Wait why was Takane put into his lab again?-

Me: Oh yeah that actually does bring up a good point.

Like it's possible that Kenjirou (while under the influence of Saeru) administers a poison of some kind to possibly kill her after she collapses from her chronic illness. Then he takes her body to the lab

Me: The fact that Saeru takes both Takane (who turned into Ene) and Haruka (whose body turned into Konoha) into his lab…

F: Yeah, she became a digital virus and all, and her body completely lost all consciousness, I'm just wondering why she was kept in the lab

To prevent it from rotting? I guess that's reasonable, or it's just for the plot???

Me: Yeah I don't think there's much details other than that she was separated from her physical body. Like I noticed Takane's hair grows longer in Novel Route (her bangs grew after 2 years) once she's reunited with her body

F: I'm gonna guess that it's to keep them from rotting

And perfect plot device for Ene to just suddenly "HELL YEAH I'M ALIVE AGAIN" in the anime

Me: Ooooh yeah true

Me: OH I FOUND IT

The 2nd image

And this is exactly why I HC'ed that he'd get a nice real estate for him and Ene to stay in in my KuroEne AU~

F: WHERE DID BRO GET THE BUDGET FROM WHA 😨

Me: Tax evasion /jk

Ok I'm kidding he probably has ways to convince/manipulate people

F: I know humans are dumb, but this guy took it to another level

KuroEne Meme

F: A very normal unedited panel (trust me)

Me: I'M SCREAMING

Me: Someone should definitely ask him this in my KuroEne AU 😭😂

F: Go for Mary wwww

Me: Mary or Shintaro asking him this would honestly be funny LOL

F: He'd be frightened about them knowing it too

Me: I think in my AU, he'd certainly be a bit surprised/caught off guard by others knowing and/or catching onto their relationship, but doesn't mind. For most Routes, he goes along with Ene's wishes to keep their relationship a secret.

It's so funny to think about the perspective of an outsider (another MekaDan member) on their relationship. Plans of trying to rewind the world and whatever those two (KuroEne) are doing

F:

"You're going to fuck her again, aren't you?" (Mary to Saeru)

"You're going to fuck him again, aren't you?" (Shintaro to Ene)

I've cracked the code 🔥

Me: LMAO

Shintaro: GOD, ENE!!! Don't make me witness your "games" with that guy!!!

F: Like yes he wants to rewind the world so he can keep living forever, but he also wants a gf :3

F: His jaw would drop so hard it de-attaches 😭

Me: Right cuz by causing the time loops he can live forever AND be with his lover for eternity ^^ It's a win-win for him

It'd be so embarrassing for him (Shintaro) like he never imagined the selfish cheeky Ene would get all flustered and embarrassed around that guy. Added with their relationship.

F: This trade is unfair man, Ene's friends gotta die and she can't continue to the future

Me: Yeah… he actively robs everyone of a future in order to serve his own selfish interests, and he knows it.

...

Me: It's so funny to think about how any MekaDan member who finds out about their r/s would be in disbelief.

Though some others would take it better.

Meanwhile Shintaro feels like a roof dropped on him

F: Momo is just supportive, not concerned about Saeru's background 😭

Me: Yeahh others like Seto and Momo are confused

And others would be confused but supportive

F: While Mary is all "😭😭???"

Ene with that "I can fix him" mindset is so funny

Me:

Kuroha: You can't fix me, but I can make you worse :)

I'll make you just like me -> I'll dye you in my colour

F: OH They both got worse indeed

Too freaky

Me: Let's just say that Kuroha seducing/enticing Ene and generally encouraging her to let go of her inhibitions/restraints causes them to indulge in their pleasures together.

While they play the game together, Kuroha decides to play nice… for now.

He knows he's just deciding to act tamer and finding something to entertain himself with (someone to play the game with) before he moves forward with his real plans.

Me: But yeah I do think a few members like Shintaro are kinda suspicious of Saeru's background.

Someone suddenly came and announced that they could make an android body for Ene, free of charge? Something doesn't feel right. He seems up to something...

Like Shintaro mostly dismisses it, but when he really starts thinking about it… It's too suspicious.

F: And Saeru's the only one who's good at keeping Ene under control as if he's playing with her mind

F: Ene has no filter around people unless she develops attachment towards them (kinnie moment-)

Me: YEAH cuz at first Shintaro's parading with Saeru's existence like "Wahoo! There's someone who can finally tease Ene and keep that pesky virus under control! Payback! I KNEW that life would finally reward me with good things eventually!!!"

Me: It's honestly funny to imagine Shintaro accidentally walking in on glimpses of their intimacy (them kissing) and finding out that they're romantically involved. And then, when he really starts thinking about it... Saeru's whole deal seems suspicious.

F: Also he has no degree in engineering but can build a whole android body??? FOR FREE?? Actually he is the degree he doesn't need one, does he?

Me: With his accumulation of knowledge, yeah

Me: Yeahhh it'd be fun if Shintaro confronts Saeru alone about how suspicious he seems. He came out of nowhere and suddenly insists that he made a body for her.

(Well… technically the entire MekaDan did but they feel more earnest and genuine)

He tells Saeru that he doesn't know what's in it for him and that it's not his business, but he's worried for her (Ene) as a friend

Tho Saeru probably knows how to counter Shintaro's answers just due to his knowledge. Shintaro still feels suspicious but lets it slide for now

Me: Same with me omg I mildly relate to Takane/Ene in a lot of aspects

This is apart of what makes her a very important and personal character to me

F: So Kuroha yapping is real, got it

F: Seeing her in MCA is like looking at a mirror for me omfg 😭

…

Me: He seems talkative/chatty when he wants to be

Me: I relate to Takane/Ene sm…

F: What if Shintaro questions Ene instead 🤔

Me: OH yeah Shintaro probably tries asking Ene first cuz Kuroha is honestly… unnerving/intimidating ngl

F: I mean, just look at him

I'D RUN BRO, THE DAN WAS STRONG FOR THIS

Or is Shintaro mad he can't pull and Ene manage to pull a random ass emo guy that looks like her crush's game avatar under a day?

Me: (KagePro Manga: Ch. 9)

(KagePro Manga: Ch. 17)

But Ene obviously doesn't want to tell him about their r/s and goes like "Don't pry into a girl's secrets!!!"

Ene gets embarrassed when Shintaro asks her about her r/s with him. Ene just tells him that he is a mysterious stranger that came and proposed that he could give her a body after hearing about her current predicament of being trapped inside the cyber world.

MekaDan members are just so compassionate as well

Shintaro: What's your deal with that guy!? Well, look, look, I know it's not my business, but—!

Shintaro: See! That sounds even more suspicious when you put it like that! I mean—! What kind of guy would do this all for free!? You can't tell me he's doing all this out of the GOODNESS of his heart!

Ene doesn't tell Shintaro that he (Kuroha) resembles Konoha.

Because she wants to keep her past to himself and avoid reminding him (Shintaro) of the past)

Though I think Shintaro eventually does put two and two together that he looks like Haruka.

And that eventual realization hits him like a brick

Shintaro: What if you get into trouble and something happens? That guy just looks like he's up to no good!

Ene: Awww~ Is Master worried about me?

Shintaro: Not!!! (-> He totally is)

Ene: But don't worry! He's been really nice to me! He always does what I ask~ Whenever I want something, he always finds a way to give it to me! Ene: He takes me places to go and sightsee, like the Amusement Park~ He gives me gifts, such as new clothes to wear~ Video games~ Unlike a certain someone who just stays cooped up in his room all day~

Shintaro: Heyyy! 💢

Shintaro: But isn't that suspicious?

Shintaro: (Why the sudden favouritism, though? He has a thing for her and wants to impress her, or something?)

Ene: I think you're just being a worryart, Master~

Me: Saeru fulfills his purpose as the "being that fulfills wishes" to an extent... He grants Ene's wishes and desires and pleasures.

But never completely grants his owner's wish

Ene isn't his owner tho so he can play along with her whims to appease her

...

F: Shintaro forgot genuinely nice people exists probably, but the fact that they're talking about Saeru in this context, he has the right to be suspicious

Me: Yeahhh like at this point I think Shintaro is still knee deep into his pessimism/cynicism, but slowly opening up cuz of the MekaDan

But with Saeru's context, showing up one day and building her a body? He finds it hard to believe. The situation is SO surreal to him.

F: Both Ene and Saeru are countering his arguments as much as possible lmao

Me: God Ik Shintaro gets super cowardly but he has some serious balls when he wants to 😭

Like when Kuroha goes on his killing spree at the end of Manga Route 1 (and starts killing everyone in the Mekakushi Dan after their Amusement Park trip).

Shintaro tries to shield Momo, his younger sister, from Kuroha when he points the gun at her and runs in front of her.

The adrenaline rushes in for him to protect a sibling/family member with his life

F: Bro hides his potential for plot duh

Me: OH yeah true

Me: And so, Shintaro realizes he has to confront Kuroha himself after he realized he's not getting any answers from Ene…

Shintaro: (Great...... Worst option. Ene wouldn't tell me anything when I tried asking, so now it looks like the only option is to ask HIM... He's frigging scary, though!)

F: And Saeru using reverse psychology on him 😭

Me:

Shintaro: (God, this is the worst kind of situation...! I mean, what am I doing? I know it's not my business, but… What the hell is this?)

Shintaro: (I mean, no matter how you look at it, it's just strange… He managed to accomplish something like transferring someone's consciousness to a robot...)

Shintaro: (How he'd manage to develop tech more advanced than this world's greatest scientists? It can't just be because he's some prodigy from a wealthy family or whatever. It doesn't make sense. And all for free? And I can't help but feel worried for her, too. What if she gets into trouble because of him?)

F:

Shintaro: What are you up to, huh??? Why would you suddenly create a fully functioning Android Body specifically for her? You're not gonna hurt her, are you?

Kuroha: Are you projecting right now?

F: Reminding back the trauma of losing his friends just because he doesn't keep an eye on them for 1 sec…

Me: ;__;

Me: Also knowing Saeru, he can definitely spin up some lies to get away with it. He's good at twisting words. He knows what to say.

Me: OOO yeah I definitely imagine they'd say something like this

…

F: The fact that your canon-verse KuroEne AU reminds me of RuiNene (ProSeka)

(Genius mfs inventing shit that benefits their gfs)

Me: Reminds me my friend Aya was like "Him and his autistic wife" 💜💚

F: They're both autistic actually, Sega told me-

Me:

I imagined a scenario like this

Shintaro: (Shintaro approaches Kuroha from behind and places a hand on his shoulder.)

Shintaro: Hey, hold it...!

Kuroha: (Kuroha raises an eyebrow with an amused smirk on his face when he turns around to face him.)

Kuroha: Hm? Oh, Shintaro? What is it?

Shintaro: I need to talk to you. In private.

Kuroha: Well? What did you want to talk to me about?

Shintaro: Ene said that you showed up one day and told her you could make a body for her. And all for free? It doesn't make sense! What's in it for you? You can't say you're doing this out of the KINDNESS of your heart.

Shintaro: Sometimes you guys disappear for days on end, too!

Shintaro: …Look. I don't trust you.

Kuroha: Oh? Are you really that suspicious of me?

Me: Shintaro's comment of "Sometimes you guys disappear for days on end" is in reference to Kuroha taking Ene to visit his real estates for them to be together during their trysts (games of intimacy)

F: And then he went on yapping about how much he banged Shin's digital malware, peak plot

Me: LMFAO 😭😂

Oh yeah I imagine that in Routes where Kuroha joins the Mekakushi Dan in Konoha's place, he knows that certain members will be more on guard around him than others

Thankfully he's good at talking his way around things (and he can see through Kano's Deceiving Eyes too)

F: Tbh, since he can easily manipulate Mary into resetting the time

Maybe he would play around like this

Me: Oooh yeah true

Like he's interested to see how much he can mess around (even when the others start to catch onto him).

He probably just thinks "You all can't stop me anyways"

Me: Mary would be confused but supportive. She's got the spirit. She'd still be like ❓

F: 8 (since Konoha is used as a vessel) red eyed teens vs. A snake demon with a glock

Me: WDSHHDSHDSH

This is going to end badly.

F: Does she not have any suspicion about him being Clearing Eyes orrrr-

…

Me: It seems like everyone is unaware of the Clearing Snake's existence before the start of the present day plot except for Kano (and Ayano, who is in the Daze in most Routes) in the present plot

Me: But yeah I wonder if Mary or any others would start to catch onto him. Cuz technically Kuroha can fool the others by saying he's Awakening Eyes…

He can use Konoha's Eye Ability, Awakening Eyes, and his eyes turn red when he uses it

F: True and everyone thought that he might have another someone that got sucked into the Kagerou Daze and he was the one who got out alive

I feel like Shintaro will most likely find out

He's got the highest suspicion for him

Me: Yeah I think Shintaro is one of the members most likely to catch onto Saeru first. Plus he's worried about Ene for the sake of a friend

Shintaro's technically clever and was considered an academic prodigy. He always aced tests due to his photographic memory Iirc

F: I FORGOT HE'S A GENIUS

Me: When Shintaro asks Ene, she just tells him she's decided not to delve too much into Kuroha'sbackground/past

Shintaro: But don't you find it suspicious? He just showed up one day and said he could do this for you. Something doesn't feel right...

F: Academically tho I don't think he can read people well

Me: It's cuz he's usually so pathetic /endearing

Oh yeah Shintaro has booksmarts he's not good at reading people emotionally

And obviously Shintaro is one of the only members aside from Ene to realize that he looks like Haruka

Like the realization probably hits him way later on

F:

Ene: But look! I can change my clothes now!

F: He was trying to forget Haruka too… Are you trying to re-torture this guy but with a KuroEne love/hate-sex twist onto it???

Me:

Ene: I'm not just stuck in your computer or phone anymore! I see it as a win! (⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡)

Me: HELPPPP

Oh god yeah I just realized the KuroEne AU routes where Kuroha joins the Mekakushi Dan ends up putting Shintaro through the wringer emotionally

Imagine having to deal with worrying over a friend and having to keep an eye on a guy you're really suspicious of cuz you don't know what he's really up to (and what his true intentions are)

F: I feel like making him notice that Ene looks like Takane and then realizing that she IS Takane

And witnessing her GETTING FUCKED BEFORE HE DOES is uh Idk cool plot but poor guy

Me: Yeah like he'd eventually put two and two together. And then it explains her infatuation with the Haruka lookalike guy (Kuroha)

F: You're making him relapse wow 😭😭😭

Me: Honestly sad for him cuz Ene wanted to avoid reminding him of the past but Kuroha's actions end up doing it anyways

F: So do I say fuck you, Author, or fuck you, Saeru???

Me: Didn't realize how much emotional baggage Shintaro would go through with this but it's interesting to think about from a writing standpoint

One of the things that Micchan pointed out to me is that apparently Haruka can see and hear whatever Konoha's body feels.

So when Black Konoha (Kuroha/Saeru) fucks Ene… Yeah.

I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT EITHER UNTIL SHE POINTED IT OUT TO ME

F: It does make it interesting from Shintaro's perspective but my man just wanna stay inside

F: SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT

SHIT.

Me: Kuroha's actions end up causing everyone the worst kind of slow eating heartbreak oh my god

F: WELL UH…

That was awkward 😨

M: Holy shit I’m loving that AU this is so angst fuel ⚰️🔥 I’m so sorry Haruka who’s in the Kagerou Daze watching all this unfold SHDJGHKAJSRGD

Me: MICCHAN WHDSHSDH

Me: Oh yeah KagePro LN 6 -over the dimension- canonized that Haruka can see and hear what Konoha's body experiences. So…

F: Haru and Shin are a victim here bro

Me: YEAH I'M MOSTLY JUST GONNA… LOOK AWAY FROM THAT LITTLE TIDBIT

F: ALSO CAN'T AYANO SEE TROUGH SHINTARO'S VISION??? CMIIW

Me: HELPPPPPPPPPPP

F: 4 VICTIMS IF WE INCLUDE MARY WTF

For Ayano though, it depends if this Route takes place after Manga Route 2 (MR2) cuz that's when Shintaro gains an Eye Ability (Ayano as the Snake of Retaining Eyes)

So yeah Ayano is included as one of the people exposed to learning about KuroEne's intimacy if it's post-MR2 AND if Shintaro learns about it.

Cuz Iirc Ayano visits Haruka in the Kagerou Daze and can see what Shintaro sees

Me: I'm just imagining before KuroEne get intimate with each other again...

If Kuroha's truly fucking evil, he can make a side comment like, "We have an audience here, don't we?" In reference to Haruka and Konoha being forced to be spectators to his actions.

And Ene would just be confused by his one off comment like "But there's no one here in this room?"

And he just grins to himself and goes like "…It's nothing" (^-^)

Technically all of the MekaDan members are victims but some especially get put through the wringer

F: Bro's gonna make Mary commit mass murder just to reset the timeline so she didn't have to witness this

Me: Ngl 5 victims if we include Haruka and Konoha. Aren't they basically forced to just be a spectator to Kuroha's actions (including killing everyone, and KuroEne's intimacy)

Cuz Kuroha suppresses Konoha's consciousness while he possesses him but he's not fully gone

Technically, all of the MekaDan members are victims, but some ESPECIALLY get put through the wringer in this.

F: Oh shit an accidental threesome-

Me: YEAH THIS WAS ME WHEN I REALIZED THAT HARUKA (AND PROBABLY KONOHA) WOULD SEE KUROENE'S GAMES... THAT THE "PLAY" TOGETHER...

F: I'm taking off my glasses

That's enough of seeing privilege

Me: I just mainly thought about and focused on the two of them (KuroEne) but then I realized the routes where Kuroha joins the MekaDan ends up causing the others sm pain

F: Positive thinking

He cooks for the Dan, does the laundry for the Dan, takes Ene to the amusement part, cuddles with Ene at night

AND THEN HE KILLS THEM

He did enough nice things ✌️

Me: LMAO

Oh yeah he'd be great at doing the Dan's household chores

And he'd take Ene to the Amusement Park and Ene would come back holding plushies and stuff ^^

F: The only way to gain trust around here tbh

Me: One thing I thought about is that when Shintaro starts to catch onto Kuroha by sifting info, he starts to look into his background and sees how abnormal it is that this guy has money and real estates under his name

When Shintaro confronts Kuroha about this he just tells him (lies) that he gained the inheritance from his wealthy family

F: Pssst… check his taxes

Me: Also another factor that plays into this is that Ene is honestly… gullible and easily trusting. So she wants to believe in Saeru

F: Wait what if Shin asks for his last name, to y'know

Find his possible relatives on Facebook?

Me: OOOOH. I still think Kuroha can still lie his way outta this just fine but Shintaro's probably still suspicious of him (in his mind)

Cuz I imagine Saeru generally secludes himself

F: Ene's mind is all like "Damn, you changed a lot Haruka, what phase did you go through, holy shit"

Me: YEAH I think Ene knows he's different from Haruka but still feels a certain fondness for him

In this Route it means that he would've gained access to resources and amassed money and power through Kenjirou, and when Kenjirou dies after he leaves the body to possess Konoha, Kuroha probably has all his resources forwarded to him

F: Tateyama Saeru, yeah that sounds real stupid

Me: YEAH I don't think of it as adoption but rather like passing it on to a successor. Saeru SHOULD be smart enough to create fake names and identities too

Oh I also just realized.

He can use Awakening Eyes to change his appearance, so he can just change into Kenjirou's appearance even after his death

He can make as many fake identities as he wants to avoid drawing suspicion

He doesn't even need to be labeled as Kenjirou's successor, but he can do whatever he wants to avoid raising suspicion

F: Fooling the government into thinking they're relatives lololololol

Me:

Shintaro: Take a look at this, Ene…

Me: Oh yeah and apparently Konoha stays at Kenjirou's home at first after Saeru ensures his creation

Me: Oh I also just realized. He can use Awakening Eyes to change his appearance so he can just change into Kenjirou's appearance even after his death

He can make as many fake identities as he wants to avoid drawing suspicion

Shintaro: Are you funneling money or something? How the hell did you get the resources to make a fully functional android body?

F: Ooohhh then… Kenjirou inviting both Hibiya and Hiyori into the city is also a setup…

F: TAX EVASION SHIN, TAX EVASION 🔥🔥🔥🔥 /HJ

F: So in Konoha's State Of The World…

Oh I get it now

The story is more complex than I thought

Me: People on the KagePro Wiki are doing god's work fr compiling all the lore

Me: Yeah it looks like Kenjirou (who's possessed by Saeru) inviting them (Hibiya and Hiyori) to the city at the start of KagePro's plot is a setup to orchestrate their deaths

[homoeroticbetrayal]

So, I want to expand a bit on my philosophy for tournament bracketing, which I covered earlier.

I created the bracket with the thought to maximize participation value across all contestants, rather than to represent the strongest contestants. (Honestly who cares if your ship is more popular?)

This does mean the bracketing really favoured mid-sized fandoms (joshneku, griffguts, silverflint) and allowed them to advance when they're more obscure than some of the behemoths (catradora, thoschei, akiryo, komahina). This also meant that many finalist materials were pitted against each other and eliminated in round 1.

My thought process is like this. The contestants of this tournaments spans multiple genres. I want to make sure that every participant get at least one chance to make a meaningful decision before their pair is eliminated.

(I didn't choose to seed any pairings into a future round because there's honestly too many strong ones and that's probably a good thing cause I was pretty wrong on a few cases when it comes to what's actually popular.)

Before this tournament started, I did two* small surveys on how people vote. When people only know one character in a match, ~34% will vote for the ones they recognize, and ~54% will vote for the ones they recognize if they think they really deserve the title. This means 88% of the participants won't really make an effort to know the other contestants, which means if I pair randomly, most participants won't make much of a decision at all. Everyone will just vote for whoever they know until two people they know gets to face off.

*Other survey is on how people vote when they know neither characters.

That would be dreadfully boring if you're into major ships, and very sad if you're into obscure ships.

This is why I decided to pair up overlapping fandoms and genres for round 1, hoping to maximize the number of people who knows both sides of each poll. (Some were pairing up the spares. Sorry Shadowpeach fans I don't know what I could have done for you.) For people who had trouble making a decision, they'd at least still have one horse left to bet on for future rounds.

And this means the more obscure ships like curtowen and silverflint either has a fighting chance, or can at least be defeated by a pairing the voters actually recognizes instead of being auto-eliminated.

For the most part, I felt like I did good with the matchups. There was no 90/10 sweeps in first round, which i know some people wanna see, but I don't. I'm an underdog believer.

The only mistake I felt like I've made while seeding was pairing NagiReo against SatoSugu... I genuinely thought they'd be equally matched in terms of popularity. Maybe it should have been narusasu vs. satosugu and 10051 vs. nagireo... I don't think that'd have felt better tho. Hindsight is 20/20.

Finally, I want to talk about my favorite tournament bracketing from an old school shonen, the Demon World Tournament Arc from Yu Yu Hakusho. Basically, major powers of the demon world decided to form government around a free-for-all fighting tournament instead of waging a war. However, leaders of the three major factions ended up facing off and exhausting each other in earlier rounds, and the final winners ended up being a group of nobodies.

To me, that is the charm of single-elimination tournaments. You get some surprising underdog advancements you can cheer on, and some exciting matches at every round.

In a tumblr voting tournament, there's no factor of exhaustion. So it's actually a lot more representative than the scenario above.

[cha-melodius]

Hellooooo 16 and 20 for the ask game please and thanks!

I've got two of these writer asks lingering in my inbox because both asked the meta question (20), and although I answered it here for a chapter of Nova, Baby, I've also been like, I should do meta on different fics! So it's taken me a bit to get around to them. But thank you for asking!

16. Tried anything new with your writing lately? (style, POV, genre, fandom?)

I don't think I've tried anything TOO new since I started writing for RWRB, honestly. I'm trying to write more silly short fics, though, and there are some prompt scenarios in my inbox now that will definitely stretch my creative muscles (like the STI clinic meet cute, lmao).

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

A bit of meta for All for a Taste of the Honey (aka FBI agents and stripper!Henry).

I have to admit when stripper!Henry swept the Brownstone, I did not think I would be participating. That's definitely a genre I don't usually write in. But then my brain gave me undercover-as-a-stripper as a concept, and undercover missions?? Now that's a genre I know. I chose FBI agents because I was in the middle of writing a CIA/MI6 AU (fun fact, I actually left @celeritas2997 and @cricketnationrise on a big cliffhanger in my docs and took a break to write this fic, lmao. I'm amazed they didn't murder me), and didn't want to overlap with that, but FBI agents was closer to spies than detectives or something. I just love writing bickering partners who are actually in love but just don't know it yet, and this was ripe for that.

(Spoilers below)

As with any undercover as a stripper trope fic worth its salt, the whole point of this one was to get Alex to have a breakdown over Henry stripping. Not just the taking off clothes and gyrating on stage, but the whole competency kink thing, because Henry's actually good at it. Also an excuse to put Henry in a slutty Navy uniform; the American flag briefs were chosen for maximum psychic damage to Alex. I like to think Henry kept them for the future and deploys them when he wants something.

Looking at this fic again, I think the part where Alex watches Henry come out on stage might be my highest frequency of italicized words in text ever. 😂 This boy was really suffering.

“Straight like you’re straight?” Henry asks smugly, like the absolute asshole he is. Alex hates him so much right now. “Or actually straight?”

I'm pretty sure this is everyone's favorite line based on how often it got quoted back to me in the comments, and it's mine too. Something about cocky, teasing Henry just gets to me.

I love Alex having a slow bisexual crisis, and I also love him getting hit over the head with a 2x4. This is the latter.

Henry had caught a small-caliber round to the gut on what should have been a simple sting, and Alex had not taken it particularly well. There’d been no real reason for him to linger at Henry’s bedside in the hospital, even though he’d desperately wanted to.

Just me hinting at one of my favorite tropes to write, the ol' sitting by the hospital bed of your injured partner standard. Often leads to feelings realizations. In people who aren't as dense as ACD.

The scene where Alex busts into the back room was probably the hardest part of this fic to write, because I needed Alex back there without raising too much of a ruckus, but I also needed Vega's security to be tight. Alex's distraction + quiet takedown of the bodyguards is very much a Michael Weston (Burn Notice) move.

“Apologies,” Henry says to the other dancers as they go. “Pleasure working with you. You were all very lovely.”

Henry being a Polite King delights me to no end.

The car chase + argument scene was possibly my second favorite part to write after Alex losing it in the club. For some reason I find car chases actually quite easy to write; I'd just written a really big one for a fic in a different fandom, so it was fresh in my mind I guess. I also love their fight over Alex being overprotective. I do remember hemming and hawing a bit at their words to make sure it wasn't too similar to one of their Alex-being-overprotective fights from Nova, Baby. (Yes, Alex being overprotective, especially when Henry doesn't need protecting, is a big fave of mine.)

then he’s climbing across the center console and into Alex’s lap, somehow managing to not bump into the car horn as he does so.

I spent too long thinking about if this (and everything that follows) is actually possible. I googled photos of cars. We're going to pretend that it is.

Henry’s hands sink into his curls

Pretty sure every fic I've ever written about them includes this line. I love being vindicated.

All right, I think that's all I've got for now! Thanks again for the ask!

[ruthlesslistener]

Yeah I get what you mean. I do find other people's more animal based analysis of the HK gods really interesting but my knowledge on animal behaviour is very limited so I can't engage in it much, typically leaning more into the Man Vs god side of analysis because of that.

I wasn't raised Christian either but I always found that Christian symbolism is an easy way to discuss religious trauma without really going into specifics of my own bullshit. But one of the big things that I grew up with was the importance of submission before the almighty so I decided that thk should have that, as a treat.

Also the Jesus Vs Adam comparison was based on how (from my knowledge) Jesus is a part of god separated temporarily while Adam is an imperfect replica of god, with his imperfection shown through his ability to sin (this may differ depending on denominations so if any Christian disagrees shut up). This comparison was drawn because while hollow is fully a god created from pk (and White lady) they view themselves as an imperfect reflection of godliness due to their sin of thought.

Sorry if I'm not very coherent, what I'm saying is that your analysis is really cool I just don't understand bugs despite being really into this bug game

It's actually something that has hindered my enjoyment of xenofiction on a whole despite thinking xenofiction is really cool? The different ways of understanding and perception between species is rather difficult for me to wrap my head around (honestly just different people having different perception is wack) .

It's one of the reasons I enjoyed hollow knight so much, because it attached religious coding and these themes of death, rebirth, stagnation and eternity that different faiths have pondered to these big territorial animals that are the higher beings and that helped me gain a better understanding of the conflicts presented.

Tldr: them

Again, sorry for answering this so late! This quarter has been going really fast for me so it's a bit difficult to form long responses on time.

I wouldn't worry too much about not understanding bugs much, honestly, because despite you explaining the Jesus-Adam comparison, I still don't really understand it. I mean, I understand it in the context of Hollow Knight, but not in an overlapping religious theme- the thought of lumping Jesus in with God when he's technically a demigod son is a bit mind-boggling to me in an irl context (I was taught that Jesus was holy but not to pray to him bc hes simply the son of God, and he has enough problems to deal with already- why go to the prince when you should address the king in his house) so I'm just gonna go with the flow here and say 👍I get that there's a Christian mythos element in Hollow Knight's storytelling and the overall themes going on in the game, but I'll never be able to fully explain it/intimatly understand it- and that's okay! It means that I have a different perspective and reading on it than what others do, so reading other's analysis remains as interesting for me as mine do for others. It's a win-win scenario!

So! I'm basically where you are about religion in terms of knowing bug/animal behavior and perspectives. That's the view that makes the most sense for me, an evolutionary biologist, but that doesn't mean that it has to make sense for you, because in all honesty animal behavior and the evolutionary reasoning behind it is super complex and variable. Again, the fun is that our gaps in knowledge leads to two different interpretations of the same topic, each which give an engaging, deep, and thoughtful starting point for discussion about Hollow Knight. And hey! A biological perspective on the game doesn't necessarily have to be entirely seperate from a theological one. It's all good and interesting and all contributions are important as long as they're considered deeply and done in good faith. We still end up getting the end result of a traumitized Hollow either way, lol

So yeah. Them :)

[kordeliiius]

Gem and admirabilis culture overlapping would be fascinating. There's how they co-manage the winter. There might be a developing caste system in later snail generations because of the gems' culture to designate a purpose to each individual. There might be a conflict between the admirabilis over who gets the share of biomass on the island. Would the admirabilis still deify Phosphophyllite or would it be another To Your Eternity scenario? How would Aechmea deal with two, united parts of humanity? Would there be admirabilis who leave because they feel it's too risky because of the Lunarians? How much of this will be explored in the Moon Scholar Au? Do the admirabilis even know the ice floes are alive?

I honestly havent thought abt the Admirabilis' caste system, apart from the difference between royalty and commoners. Like irl human societies, it might have ranked different types of craftsmanship, which pops into my mind every now and then. But because their population is far bigger, the roles wouldn't be distributed the same way as the gems. In their community, there's only one swordsmith, one carpenter, a handful of researchers and doctors, etc. So the Admirabilis would've either prioritized teamwork OR each worker would "wear less hats" so to speak. If we're specifically talking about lunarified Admirabilis, I sense that they'd eventually assimilate into the same common rank that the gems did. I've seen some speculation on JP twitter that Ventricosus and her family likely don't have their old titles anymore, since they've once again lost much of their influence.

Assuming Phos kept playing a big hand in their relations, the "deification" phenomenon would probably fizzle out the more people got to know them. There is no 102-yr time skip in Moon Scholar for example, so any misconceptions about who they were and their relationship to the royal family wouldn't have time to procure. However their views on Aechmea would probably get worse (if you can imagine that) after bonding with the gems and finding out exactly what he condemned them to.

Another thing ive written before is that the two tribes would straight up not contact each other during winter. The slugs would easily die in that extreme cold, so they'd resume a migration cycle and remain completely oblivious to the changes while the gems keep up their tradition of hibernating. Is this just an excuse for me to plug a fic I wrote years ago about navigating tough feelings amidst the changing seasons? Yes and I think you should check it out if you haven't (and to answer your last question, the moons have gone completely empty this scenario)

[hiruzensux]

concept: Hiruzen giving Enma subtle misinformation about human culture to further his own Horny Agenda™️

(like i'm sure when they first met he already spoke the language and had a decent understanding of the more basic stuff; i don't know how different the culture of wherever it is he lives actually even is to begin with (i haven't given it much thought at all tbh) so it could all be pretty familiar to him... but regardless of how broad the overlap between the two cultures is, if he doesn't have much actual experience in the human realm, then it's totally believable from his end for certain stuff to be slightly or totally different)

this has some EXCELLENT potential re: pranks or practical jokes, but where my mind immediately went with this is misdirections of lustful intent

ex.:

Hiruzen: "ok this next one is called 'french kissing', and it's a human gesture of friendship and mutual respect"

Enma, interrupting him: "i do not respect you"

Hiruzen, internally, trying not to cry: alright yeah i totally deserved that

(Hiruzen maybe has a special advantage in this particular subgenre (claims in the format "[insert sexy activity] is a Normal Friend Thing"), bc if Enma's skeptical, Hiruzen can just be like "no, really! watch, i can prove it — hey Kagami—")

see also: how it's standard protocol amongst humans for comrades-in-arms to sleep spooning ("that's what the 'in-arms' part is from"), or the time-honored human tradition of Underwear Sparring, and of course the Post-Spar Massage

his success is limited though bc Enma just isn't very gullible

however, alternatively... maybe Enma isn't buying (ex.) mutual masturbation as a conventional team-building exercise... but if it happens that he's into it anyway, all he has to do is play along, and then he gets what he wants without having to admit any embarrassing feelings 👍

(honestly though, if he did succeed in a more substantial deception, i think Hiruzen would likely end up feeling too bad to continue with it very long before confessing anyways... so i'm not sure how far this would actually get either of them)

returning to that first example... in that case, if Enma believed him, then when Enma DID finally kiss him (frenchly), it would be an EXTRA meaningful first kiss scenario, since it would mean Hiruzen had finally earned his respect... ohh... that's kind of sweet...

...except Hiruzen would DEFINITELY have to tearfully confess his lie then, in which case Enma would probably be like "oh yeah well. good bc i lied just now too. about respecting you" (the potency of this comeback slightly diminished by the implicit admission that he just wanted to kiss him)

i don't know if Hiruzen ever got to visit Enma's realm, but i hope so, so that Enma gets his turn to use this same mechanic in revenge! idk if he'd go for it or not since it seems less his style... but if he DID, he'd probably be much meaner about it and go straight for that full public humiliation potential that Hiruzen mercifully left mostly alone

[domreader-headcannon-scenarios]

Sebastian x Demon! reader

Empty nest

Cw: unwanted advances, nonconcensual kisses, Sebastian doesn’t stop flirting with you even after you tell him to fuck off, slight manipulation? Sebastian sees you love Ciel and uses it to his advantage and guilts you into staying, you do start to reciprocate the feeling after seeing him care for Ciel, reader is attracted to dilfs…what has my life come to-, slight yandere Sebastian, also slight breeding kink on readers behalf?

You rolled your shoulders, stretching your wings and preparing to take off. “Now wait, there’s no need to take off so quickly, we just bumped into each other, you could at least say hi.” Sebastian purred out, grabbing your wrist, stopping you from taking off.

“Sebastian, let go of me or I will rip your arm off.” You growl out. You were sick of him trying to seduce you, constantly giving you gifts and trying to get closer to you. His grip was soft but firm, daring you to to try and take off. You know he’s strong, but you also knew you could easily through him to the side and run for it and he wouldn’t be able to catch up to you in time.

Sebastian gives a soft smile and pulls you to the side, next thing you know there’s a wall behind you, he’s keeping you out of sight from anyone walking down the street next to you. If you made a noise though, you’d definitely be heard. “That’s mean, I’m just trying to say hi to you, we are friends after all.” You slap him and hiss.

“We are not friends. Don’t you dare even pretend that we are, you’re just some hormonal demon that can’t keep it in his pants!” You’re close to kicking him to get away, you’re certain he won’t hurt you, but it doesn’t make him towering over you any less intimidating.

“Sebastian? This is what you do on your free time? Flirt with strangers?” An unfamiliar voice spoke. Sebastian quickly let go of you and turned to the direction of the voice. You look over too, to see a child with an eyepatch and short black hair.

“Master, I thought I told you to stay home, I-“

“This is an interesting ‘errand’, what is it accomplishing?” The kid said, backing Sebastian into a corner, it was…surprising to see him back down so easily and stepping aside.

“My apologies Master Ciel, I just ran into an old friend and wanted to catch up.” Sebastian said, tone smooth and face blank again. You looked at Ciel, confused. How did Sebastian know the child and why did he call him ‘master’? You walk over to the kid.

“Are you alright? How do you know this demon?” You asked, worried about him. Where were his parents? He glanced up at you.

“Why the hell wouldn’t I be ok? That demon is my butler, I just wanted to make sure the bloody idiot didn’t do anything stupid.” Ciel hissed out. “I hope he didn’t bother you.”

You shake your head and kneel down. “Where are your parents? You shouldn’t be out here on your own.” You say in a worried tone.

“Dead.” Ciel said coldly, taking you by surprise. Sebastian gave a slight chuckle at your reaction. Before you could say anything. Sebastian chimed in.

“I made a pact with him, I agreed to help him…’avenge’ them and now I’m stuck with him.” Sebastian laughed out the last part.

You glanced back at him. “You are raising a child?” Before either could protest you spoke up again. “So you’re like his dad now? That’s…surprisingly sweet for you Sebastian.” He seemed taken aback by the response.

“Sweet? What lies has Sebastian told you?” Ciel gave you a disinterested glance, before turning back to Sebastian. “Do you really think they’d like it more if I was your child?” Sebastian shakes his head and mumbles out a apology to Ciel.

“No Master, I didn’t think think the two scenarios overlapping were a good thing. I wanted to avoid this-“ He didn’t get to finish when you just rushed past him towards Ciel.

“Your only being raised by Sebastian, right? That means you don’t really have another parent…” You turn to Sebastian and gave a light smile. “It’s better to have two parents raising a child, I honestly doubt Ciel will turn out alright if you’re the only one raising him.”

Sebastian didn’t get a chance to respond before you picked up Ciel, having his head rest on your chest. “He can’t stay out any longer he’ll catch his death out here. I’m assuming you know where he lives?”

The demon nodded, looking over and realizing Ciel had fallen asleep on you. He offered to carry the kid but you refused. He brought you to the mansion, guiding you around and making sure you watched your step.

It was infuriating.

Eventually you got Ciel in his bed and stayed by his side for a little bit. He was really cute, it made memories you’d long forgotten resurface. It’s unfortunately making you wish you were a parent, it had been a while since you thought about that…

You were snapped back into reality when you heard the floor creak behind you. You turned to see Sebastian watching you from the doorway. “You should leave him alone, the young Master doesn’t like showing weakness, if he ask, we brought him home and he fell asleep on his own. Would you like some tea?”

You shot him a glare, but left the room nonetheless. He closed the door quietly behind you, standing close to you. “What do you want?” You hiss out, trying to keep your voice down.

Sebastian gave you a small smile. “You seem to have taken a liking to Ciel, you seem to be good with kids too. May I ask what it was about ‘Ciel needing another parent?’ Do you think I can’t handle a child?” Sebastian nudged you, pulling you downstairs.

“Does it matter?” You growl out, you walk past him about to leave when Sebastian suddenly pushed the door closed, towering over you. “What are you going to do? You don’t know how to properly raise a child, not to mention you have no emotional availability. You’re as blank as can be and that’s not a good way to raise a child.”

Sebastian remained silent for a few seconds before speaking. “Can you do better?” You stared at him and gave him a confused look before asking why he cares. “Well…I’m sure it would be more ‘healthy’ if you were here for Ciel. He seemed to like you a bit too, would you mind helping me?”

It’s not like Sebastian to ask for help, so you paused and thought it out. “Is this an excuse to get me close to you?” Sebastian offered a soft smile and lowered his voice.

“I believe it would be in Lord Phantomhive’s best interest to have you help him. You seem to what you’re doing. I could use the extra help as well.” Sebastian said in a smooth voice, giving you doe eyes.

You positively hated that look. It made him look…cute. Soft even, maybe a little…attractive…? You shook your head. You…were lonely in your current life, you wanted to raise a child a little, yes, but you didn’t want that right NOW…right?

You looked away from him, thinking to yourself. Sebastian would definitely let you put a price over your help, maybe you could use that to your advantage? You turn to him smiling.

“I’ll help,” You say and Sebastian’s eyes light up before you can even finish your sentence. “But…” The demons smile faltered as he held onto your every word. “I haven’t been able to find a suitable mate, in exchange, I’d like to use you to have a child of my own.”

Sebastian seemed taken aback by your request but grinned at it and bowed. “Understood. It could prove useful to give Master Ciel a sibling.” You grab Sebastian’s arm and tugged him.

“We should go somewhere private and get started, right?” You say, adrenaline coursing through your body at the thought of finally having a child.

“Oh, you mean right now?” Sebastian seemed taken aback but you held your ground and pulled him to along. He showed you to his room, you closed the door behind you and locked it before pushing Sebastian onto the bed.

“Do you have any restraints?” He nodded, pulling handcuffs out from underneath the mattress, though he eyed you wearily when you took them from him. “Hands on the headboard, I want to make sure you can’t move a lot.”

Sebastian blushed over that but obeyed, worried when you restrain him and immediately go to undress him. “Aren’t you going to take your clothes off?” He asked, subtly trying to wiggle away from your hands.

“What’s wrong?” You said with a smile, before realizing something. “Oh, are you getting performance anxiety?” You give a slight laugh and he can’t look you in the eye. “Don’t worry, I’ll take the lead. Just sit back and do as you’re told.” You purr out with a grin.

“So, shall we begin?”

(Next)

[bluejayblueskies]

Please say more abt how Martin fits the closed off trait I'm begging 👁👁

Okay, so I got a bit carried away with this and it got quite lengthy....

I've put a TLDR above the cut and the details, transcripts, and general discussion below the cut!

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TLDR: Martin is at his core a closed-off character who keeps his vulnerable feelings hidden and close to his chest. He instead focuses on caring for others and considering their feelings above his own, particularly in the case of Jon, who he cares for (sometimes to the point of self-sacrifice) throughout the podcast. His arc with the Lonely in season four and his interactions with Jon in season five demonstrate this lack of emotional vulnerability, and it's really only during the moments he spends by himself that we get significant insight into Martin's emotional state and inner thoughts.

.

Martin, to me, is a character who is very used to hiding how he feels. He tends to care for others at the expense of himself, has low self-esteem, and has a predilection towards the Lonely, all of which go hand-in-hand with somebody who is very used to hiding their emotions--particularly the negative ones--because they either think they're not important or that they're inconvenient and inappropriate for the situation. On a textual level, that's probably due to growing up with a sick (and likely unsupportive) mother who he had to take care of, where there was 'no time' for his emotions to get in the way or for him to prioritize himself in any way, shape, or form.

Martin is self-destructive, dislikes moments of emotional vulnerability, and (I would argue) genuinely struggles when he doesn't have somebody else to prioritize over himself. (His mother at first, but as the series goes on, Jon settles comfortably into this role for him.) Additionally, the biggest way that we, the audience, know anything about Martin's emotional state is when he's alone and self-reflecting (such as in MAG 170 and 186 or when talking to the tapes) or when he's forced to talk about something vulnerable (such as when Jon confronted him about his CV).

We don't get much insight into Martin's character between seasons one and three (at least not as much as we get in four and five), but I find myself drawn to this bit in MAG 118, when Martin is talking to Elias:

MARTIN

So what? I don’t get to be angry? I don’t get to burn things? Just, just run around, making tea, while everyone else gets to actually have feelings?

I think two things are important to note here. The first is that Elias is surprised (or least intrigued) that Martin is acting in this way--specifically, acting on his emotions in such a dramatic way. (And given that Martin is doing this as a distraction, rather than actually acting out because of his own emotions, maybe he's right to be surprised.) The second is that this line very much implies that Martin doesn't talk about how he's feeling, not like 'everyone else' does. He doesn't talk about it, doesn't act on it--just 'runs around, making tea.' And when Melanie comes back in after Elias is done, Martin immediately focuses on the plan and whether it succeeded, ignoring Melanie when she asks if he's okay or not. He closes himself off, and as far as we know, doesn't talk about it at all after that.

And then Jon goes into his coma, and we reach season four.

Martin is incredibly closed-off during season four. He's self-isolating, self-sacrificial, and approaching a state of genuine emotional numbness by the time he's cast into the Lonely. There's a lot to unpack there, but I'm going to focus on a few main things, many of which can be drawn from this bit in MAG 158:

MARTIN

It’s not him! It’s not anybody. It’s just me. Always has been. I…

When I first came to you, I thought I had lost everything. Jon was dead, my mother was dead, the job I had put everything into trapped me into spreading evil and I… I really didn’t care what happened to me. I told myself I was trying to protect the others, but… honestly we didn’t even like each other. Maybe I just thought joining up with you would be a good way to get killed.

And then… Jon came back, and… and suddenly I had a reason I had to keep your attention on me. Make you feel in control so you didn’t take it out on him. And if that meant drifting further away, so what? I’d already grieved for him. And if it meant now saving him, it was worth it.

When you started talking about the Extinction, though… you had me actually, then, for a while. But then – (laughs sardonically) then, you tried to make me the hero. Tried to sell me on the idea that I was the only one who could stop it. And that I’ve never sat right with me. I mean, I mean, look – look at me, I’m not exactly a – a chosen one. But by then I was in too deep. So I played along. Waited to see what your end game was, and here we are.

Funny. Looks like I was right the first time. It’s probably still a good way to get killed?

This monologue is a big insight into Martin's thought process during this season, and I'm mostly going to focus on two parts: the self-sacrifice and the prioritization of Jon.

Self-sacrifice

There's quite a bit of discussion about Jon's self-sacrificial tendencies, but less so about Martin's, both in this season and in season five. In my opinion, Jon's self-sacrificial tendencies originate from (among other things) survivor's guilt from his traumatic childhood experience with Mr. Spider, his increasing belief that he's less than human, and the fact that he prioritizes the lives of others over his own. Martin's self-sacrificial tendencies, while very similar, come from the fact that he thinks he only has worth if he can help and care for someone else and the fact that he doesn't think he's important enough to live. (For example, he says in MAG 158 that he's 'not exactly a chosen one' and says in MAG 198 that he's 'not important enough to kill.')

It's a subtle difference between these two things, and I would argue that while Jon's tendencies are more rooted in the 'help' (ie, 'I want to help other people and I will sacrifice myself to do it'), Martin's tendencies are more rooted in the 'hurt' (ie, 'I will sacrifice myself and other people will be helped in the process'). There is, of course, overlap, and it's not a black-and-white distinction between the two, but ultimately, I think Martin is so used to prioritizing others' emotions and needs above his own that when he's left mostly alone as he is at the end of season three, with the only person left to hold onto being in a coma (possibly forever), he falls back into the same patterns of self-destruction and closed-offness, only without the 'help' to go along with the 'hurt' because there is nobody left to help (especially after his mother dies). Ultimately, he joins up with Peter because he thinks it 'would be a good way to get killed.'

Prioritization of Jon

But then Jon wakes up from his coma, and now Martin has justification for his self-sacrifice again, because he can protect Jon by continuing to work with Peter!

... Maybe.

Jon isn't harmed by Peter during season four, sure, but he does climb into the coffin and visits Ny-Ålesund and is tracked down by Julia and Trevor and struggles emotionally and morally with his own humanity and is hurt, in a way, by the distance Martin puts between them. And I hesitate to place blame for the apocalypse on anybody but Jonah, but if we're going to argue in-canon that Jon was responsible for the apocalypse (he wasn't, but that's not the point of this post), then Martin contributed to that blame and responsibility because it was his actions and decisions that ultimately drew Jon into the Lonely and resulted in him getting the 14th and final mark. (Again, I don't think Jon or Martin are at fault for the apocalypse, but if we were to blame Jon, we could blame Martin as well.) It was only after getting that mark that Jonah was able to use Jon to end the world, something that was hugely hurtful for Jon. So did Martin really protect Jon at all by staying away from him and continuing to work with Peter? Or was that just a convenient excuse to keep self-destructing?

Jon and Martin, in my opinion, had very similar arcs in season four. Martin was sinking further into the Lonely and Jon was sinking further into the Eye. We hear a lot more about Jon's emotional struggle with this given that he's the POV character, sure, but Jon also talks about this with other people. He talks about it to Helen (MAG 152):

JON

…

When does it stop?

HELEN

(impatient) What?

JON

The guilt. The misery. All the others I’ve met, they’ve been – cold, cruel. They’ve enjoyed what they do. When does the Eye (inhale) make me monstrous?

And to Daisy (MAG 136):

JON

My – (large sigh) My memories of the coma are not clear, but I know I made a choice; I made a choice to become… something else. Because I was afraid to die. But ever since then, I – I don’t know if I made the right decision; I’m stronger now, tougher, I can – (he cuts himself off) If I do die, now, or get sealed away somewhere forever? I don’t know if that’s a bad thing. And I don’t want to lose anyone else, so if I can maybe – stop that happening, and the only danger is to me, I – I’ll do it in a heartbeat; worst case scenario, the universe loses another monster.

But all we really get from Martin are the things he tells the tapes when he's alone and the monologue he gives in MAG 158. It makes sense that he wouldn't be as open, yes, given the nature of the Lonely, but I can't help but think of (MAG 154):

JON

The Lonely’s really got you, hasn’t it?

MARTIN

(no hesitation) You know, I think it always did.

Jon was always curious and hungry for knowledge; the Eye amplified it. Martin was always closed-off and isolated; the Lonely amplified that as well.

But then Jon pulls Martin out of the Lonely, they flee to the safehouse, and three weeks later, the apocalypse begins. Martin isn't as consumed by the Lonely as he was in season four, he's with Jon--the person he loves--for extended periods of time, and they're in an extremely stressful situation that's sure to be incredibly emotionally charged. There's a lot to be said about Jon's emotional vulnerability during season five and how Martin both pressures him for it and rejects it in different ways, but for the purposes of this post, I won't go too far into detail about the motivations behind how Jon is feeling and acting.

I will say, however, that in season five, Martin still continues to place a lot of focus on asking Jon how he's feeling, encouraging (or pressuring) him to share, and getting frustrated when Jon can't or doesn't (MAG 167):

MARTIN

Okay, so how exactly would you describe your current emotional state regarding all of this?

JON

I –

MARTIN

(overlapping) Go on, I’m all ears.

JON

I feel…

MARTIN

(go on) Mhm.

JON

(sigh) I feel… sad.

[Brief pause.] MARTIN

(flat) Sad.

JON

Very sad.

MARTIN

(*very* flat) Very sad.

[He sighs slightly as he says it. Their bags jangle.]

A few moments prior to this, Martin expresses displeasure that Jon is Knowing things about him, specifically pointing out his emotions (MAG 167):

MARTIN

It’s just – it’s weird knowing that you can know literally everything I think and feel. E-Especially since you’re not exactly the most open of people – emotionally, I mean.

I think Martin is making an effort to open up more to Jon. But I still think it's difficult for him to talk about how he feels so openly, and while he is completely in the right for not wanting Jon to Know things about him without his permission, I think it's interesting that the focus is on his feelings and that he brings up how Jon isn't emotionally open immediately after. It scares Martin to think that Jon could know, at any given moment, how he's feeling, and I think it's partially because he's not used to that level of vulnerability. He turns the focus on Jon, away from himself, and doesn't really make an effort to talk about how he's feeling about all of this, instead prioritizing Jon's feelings and mental state like he's grown comfortable with.

And when Martin bottles up his emotions--of which there are a lot, in such a stressful environment, they can explode out in hurtful ways:

MARTIN

(overlapping) I know! I know, okay, I just – (bracing exhale) Look, I j,just – don’t want to get burned, all right? It’s, it’s like my least favorite pain ever.

JON

Is that – a joke?

MARTIN

(a bit faster, a bit shaky) No, no, okay? I, I legitimately hate burns, alright? They’re, they’re awful, and they scar horribly, and they just – it – it just makes me sick; I, I hate it. Hate it!

I don't think Martin really thought about what he was saying when he told Jon, who has a large burn scar on his hand, that burn scars make him sick, and I don't think he meant it maliciously. But he'd spent the greater portion of the conversation talking around the fact that he didn't like burns and that was why he didn't want to go into the building, and so when it finally ended up coming out, it did so in an explosion of emotion rather than a conscious decision to share. Martin doesn't have a good handle on his emotions, and he doesn't have a good handle on sharing them.

(Is it too much for me to say that Martin was more emotionally vulnerable with himself in MAG 170 than he was with Jon when Jon finally found him?)

Throughout season five, Martin asks Jon questions, he expresses frustrations with Jon, he shows discomfort or fear at times, but for as much as Martin feels frustrated that Jon isn't talking about how he feels about their situation, Martin really isn't doing so either. The most he talks about his feelings is in MAG 170 and MAG 186, when he's by himself, and I remember MAG 186 in particular because before that, we really didn't know what Martin was thinking about for the majority of the season! And in this episode, we find out a lot of very important things about Martin's character. Like (MAG 186):

ALSO MARTIN

Look, I know what you know. Maybe I’m just a bit more… open about it.

Also-Martin acknowledges that Martin often doesn't say what he means and hides what he really feels, telling him that it's 'hard to be vulnerable,' and Martin is initially very resistant to the idea. And then, when Also-Martin suggests that Martin wants to stay so that he can be 'quietly sad,' we get (MAG 186):

MARTIN

We could talk to Jon about it.

ALSO MARTIN

We could. But we both know that loved ones make the worst therapists. They’re too wrapped up in trying to stop you hurting to actually help. But hey, we know all about that, am I right?

MARTIN

There’s nothing wrong with comforting people.

ALSO MARTIN

A cup of tea isn’t a resolution. At best it’s a… a plaster. At worst… a muzzle.

This is very interesting to me, because for all that Martin tries to help other people, he also believes that comfort doesn't always help and that you can't be your loved one's 'therapist.' I think this gives a lot of insight into why Martin doesn't share his emotions with the people he cares about, especially Jon; he doesn't want to put Jon in the position where he'll become his 'therapist,' and he doesn't necessarily think Jon can help. So instead, Martin just chooses not to be vulnerable at all, because he doesn't want to burden the people he cares about. But, when it's just him (MAG 186):

ALSO MARTIN

Don’t lie. You don’t need to. Not here. It’s just us.

He doesn't feel like he needs to pull his emotional punches. He can't accidentally hurt somebody or put them in an awkward position; it's just himself. But what's said to himself remains with himself, and (at least on tape), he doesn't discuss any of this with Jon. Not even the bit about, if it came down to it, Martin would have rather had Jon smite him than continue to rule over a domain. He goes right back to being closed-off around Jon, but now we, the audience, know what lies underneath, and how little of it reaches the surface.

In fact, the thing Martin's probably most vocal about is how Jon's feelings about himself bother him (MAG 199):

MARTIN

I guess that’s why it really bothers me, you know? I try, but I can’t actually imagine ever making a decision that I knew meant losing you.

And it… It hurts to know you can.

And I think he has a tendency to use anger and frustration to cover up hurt, shying away from the admission that something Jon's done has hurt him (an incredibly vulnerable thing) and instead relying on the less-vulnerable and more external anger to cover it. This is more speculation than true analysis, but I think that's a lot of what's happening in MAG 200, when he discovers that Jon has already assumed the position of the pupil and has, in Martin's eyes, broken his promise.

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TLDR: Martin is at his core a closed-off character who keeps his vulnerable feelings hidden and close to his chest. He instead focuses on caring for others and considering their feelings above his own, particularly in the case of Jon, who he cares for (sometimes to the point of self-sacrifice) throughout the podcast. His arc with the Lonely in season four and his interactions with Jon in season five demonstrate this lack of emotional vulnerability, and it's really only during the moments he spends by himself that we get significant insight into Martin's emotional state and inner thoughts.

[anonymous-tals]

I was watching the scene with Tony and Gob in the last episode where they’re talking and it got me thinking. I wonder if Gob would actually realize, like, actually realize and admit to himself that he’s gay before Tony. Because, in the last episode, when they’re saying they can’t be friends, to both of their disappointment, because of their company “rivalry”, Gob suggests they can do “other stuff”, Tony follows that up by suggesting they can do stuff “with their hands” and Gob agrees, saying “just hands”. But, when listening to his tone, he seems disappointed at first that it can’t be more than that. I wonder if he’s more aware of himself than Tony is at this point. I wonder if, because Tony “pretended” to be gay, it makes it harder to distinguish between his persona and his actual self, due to it overlapping with who he actually is. Speaking from personal experience, having a persona that overlaps with your real life self can make it incredibly hard to know where it stops and you begin.

For Gob, with his persona, it specifically covered up the side of himself he didn’t want to show, part of that being the fact that he’s gay. So, he can tell himself and the persona apart much more easily. He can realize that he has feelings for Tony, a man, and can say, “That is distinctly different.” It’s easier to tell what’s real and what you genuinely like when it’s completely different from another face you’re putting on to try, especially when that facade makes you unhappy and breaking that facade down makes you feel so much freer. Gob’s experience encapsulates this exact thing.

Gob had tried to convince himself that his persona made him happy. That’s what you tend to do. So, we can say the same for Tony. He gave himself a persona surrounding something he’d already pushed down and repressed. That persona allowed him to act on his feelings and say it’s all part of the business. Tony branded himself as the Gay Magician but, because it overlapped with who he actually is, he may confuse his actual feelings for just conforming to his persona. He might think his feelings towards Gob are just him giving into habit. And, ya know, if being gay was a persona, you want to do the exact opposite because that���s the only way you’ll find your true self, right? I can, once again, confirm from personal experience that this kind of mindset can occur in these scenarios. But, it’s not that simple. And, in Tony’s case, it certainly isn’t this at all.

We don’t see a lot of things from Tony’s perspective so who knows, really, if his feelings were recognized and we just weren’t shown it, but Gob seems to be being portrayed as more aware of his attraction and sexuality out of the two. Tony, from what we can see, is still buried in the fact that it’s all a persona. But, we can tell that it’s not just a persona because of the scenes we do see of him thinking and being with Gob. He clearly wants a life with him. He’s just convinced himself that it’s not like that. He’s straight so he can’t be gay! Besides, being gay is just part of his job. It’s not real, right? His feelings are just from him being too deep in his persona!

Listen, as idiot(affectionate) as Gob may be, he definitely seems like he’s recognizing his attraction towards Tony as genuine. He says it himself after sleeping with Tony that he’s realized his feelings are real. He mentions to Kitty that one of the things on his mind is if he’s gay. He knows. Or, he’s figuring it out. Either way, he’s aware that he likes Tony. He admits out loud that he loves him. I mean, honestly, we can even argue that he has to know he’s gay, even if he won’t admit it, because of how he tries to go to conversion therapy. But, Tony is just continually shown running away from Gob and, yah, it’s “for public image” because they come from two different worlds but I think it probably also is because he’s afraid his feelings are real. He’s afraid to go past “business” because things might end up being real. Gob is actually the one continually trying to reconnect with Tony. And, yah, Gob is still struggling with this stuff, too, but Tony seems way more convinced that he(and Gob too) is straight. Gob is so utterly unconvincing when he tries to go back to acting like he did in previous seasons; claiming he’s straight, bragging about women, etc. He’s not at all convinced of his straigthness, despite what he may say, and you can tell.

Once again, it’s probably because of the overlap combined with the repression that he doesn’t realize his feelings are real. By the end, though, I think he’s realized that his feelings are…feelings. He doesn’t know what they mean or what side of him they’re coming from but he does know he can’t get rid of them. He feels something. I mean, think about it, he doesn’t remember their night together(the one that confirmed to Gob that his feelings were real and probably did the same for Tony) since he took a forget-me-now. That already sets him back from just being in denial of something that he knows is true, which is pretty much where Gob is; maybe a little further along than that. He doesn’t have the knowledge Gob has. All he remembers is them deciding to take it slow, planning a night to sleep together and then, after having taken the pill, he thinks he chickened out on sleeping together. He’s probably apprehensive to go further, especially since he believes he was too nervous to go through with it and then, after that, ghosted Gob for a while in the name of “public image”. He doesn’t want to end up just getting scared “again” and running off from Gob, abandoning him once more. But, by him reaching out and reciprocating Gob’s broad suggestion of “other stuff” with what he’s comfortable with, it’s him trying to work through his confusing feelings. While he’s sad about how Tony doesn’t remember their night together, a revelation-filled night for them both, and that they’re sort of set back in their relationship, Gob accepts his friend’s(or, totally not his friend because they are company rivals!!! /j) request; a baby step in being comfortable with who he is but something Gob, after a moment of reflection, realizes is necessary for Tony, and so he then enthusiastically high fives his friend, excited for their future together.