#honestly she'd be the best therapist to handle the batman lol

[gothamite-rambler]

Bruce answered his phone without checking the caller ID.

Bruce: What is it, Nightwing?

Dick: I… You’re not going to ask who this is?

Bruce (dryly): I made distinct ringtones for all of you.

Dick (curious): What’s mine?

Bruce (serious): Nickelback’s "Photograph."

Dick: Why would you make it that? I hate that band!

Bruce (raising an eyebrow): You have such odd… awful takes about music.

Dick (playfully): Says the man who unironically likes The Room.

Bruce (defensive but amused): When you treat it like a comedy, it's really funny! Why did you call?

Dick: Where are you? Your assistant said you were at therapy, but none of us believed that.

Bruce (firmly): I’m actually in therapy.

Dick (skeptical): Is that code for something?

Bruce (deadpan): No. Harley—yes, Harley Quinn—is giving me free therapy services, and I’ve been meeting with her for three weeks now.

In the background, Harley lounged casually in an armchair with an iPad, wearing clear sunglasses that made her look more professional, though her red pantsuit contradicted that effort.

Harley (leaning forward, smirking): Oh, you’re definitely paying me for these sessions at the end of the month. You’re not Roy; you have multiple sessions energy!

Bruce (exhaling sharply): We will discuss that after I end the call. Nightwing, is there anything else you need, or can I hang up?

Dick (suspicious): Have you been hit with Joker toxin, hypnotized, or exposed to Ivy’s pollen?

Bruce (sighing): No, no, and no. She’s good at her job; she just managed to fall for an insane clown and ruin her career… We’ve all made mistakes like that.

Harley nodded enthusiastically, clicking her pen repeatedly, her attention caught.

Bruce (a hint of affection in his tone): That’s not an insult to Damian. I love him; he’s my son and the only good thing I got out of that relationship. But Talia is… well, she’s nuts.

Dick (shaking his head, amused): Right… this is so surreal, but at least you have a therapist. Um, okay, I’ll tell the others you’re actually in therapy.

Bruce (curious): Are they with you?

Dick: No.

Bruce (relieved): Good. Don’t tell them who the therapist is.

Dick: Right, because you’d be incredibly embarrassed to be working with someone who was our former enemy and is technically still insane.

Bruce (with a hint of resignation): You’re on speaker.

Dick: Yeah, and?

Harley (grinning): Honestly, he’s handling this way better than I thought he would.