#honestly she doesnt actually have to do the deal- i just feel like doing something in my beloved's name.

[brynn-lear]

ALSO DIMITRI CAMEO IN WHODRANKIT(2)42)?????????????

HAHAHAHAH PLEASE- this blog's name used to be beloved-blaiddyd. Dimitri is my favorite character in all of fiction (not a joke, i am dead serious). You can hate me for this but the oldest posts here are all self-ship art w/ him. he's my therapy,,,

[leafostuff]

Insecurities [Ft. Fromis_9 Jiheon]

Tags: Fluff, Monologue-ish, Girlfriend!Jiheon, Established relationship

Author Notes: no notes we ballin, random idea

=================================

Insecurities are something everyone deals with in their daily life, from looks to social life to achievements, everyone has their own stuff that they dont feel good about themselves

And you are not any different, yours however come from a different source then others: Baek Jiheon, your best friend since highschool, your personal sunshine and...your girlfriend.

Who knew that you would actually have the balls to ask out your best friends on the last day of your senior year, and who knew that she will actually say yes instead of putting you in the dreaded "friend zone".

Comparing yourself and Jiheon is like comparing the burning sun to the cold moon, like an elegant ballet dancer to a bouncy hip-hop dancer, like- OK OK you get, you both are completely different from each other

Jiheon is the sun, always talkative, very sweet, always excited to be with people (especially being with you), as your classmate she was one of the popular girls in school while also being one of the top students, while you...

Well...you were nothing like her, nothing compared to her.

You are not the smartest

(another refresh, probably for Like the 1000th time, adrenaline is an all time high as you were waiting for your college professor to finally send the scores to your computer science exam.

Finally after what seemed like an eternity the scores are finally updated and well...while 60 wasn't too bad, you ended up passing but...it wasn't far from failing.

It honestly sucked, especially since you were working extra hard to get a high score in this exam only to get a 60 which will definitely lower your avarage

A sigh comes from your mouth as you let your head rest on your table, hands on your temple trying to relax yourself from that abysmal score...)

Not the prettiest

{"Are you sure that is necessary Jiheon? I look so stupid in this" you say, the embarrassment is clearly felt from the other side of the isle

"Have i ever told you to do something that isn't?" You can think of a couple moments, a lot actually but it's not like you could ever say no when she gives you her pleading smile. "Now come here and let me see it".

You swipe , revealing yourself to your best friend, on your head now a headband of wolf ears, your cheeks now fully red from embarrassment, Jiheon covers her mouth and her eyes widen in surprise.

"What?" you ask in an annoyed, monotonous voice.

"oh n-nothing" she answers, now looking away however second by second she breaks down, first a giggle, then a small chuckle and in the end she cant contain herself any longer, now fully laughing, almost falling to the floor from how you look.

"SEE?! I TOLD YOU IT WAS STUPID" you respond, even more embarrassed than before as you now turn away from your best friend}

["ahhh finally, the weekend is here" Jiheon says, stretching herself while both of you getting out of your last class of the day, moving toward the exit as your best friend walking backward, facing you with a bright as usual smile

And not the most social person

"wow, I never thought you would be happy about going home from school" you reply, occasionally checking to see that she doesnt stumble into someone that she doesnt see.

"just because i enjoy studying doesn't mean i don't want the week to be over" she exclaims, doing a 180° turn to now face the same direction as you, now walking forward.

"Like seriously, who in the staff let Professor Park teach in the last class of the day, of the WEEK?" She asks rethorically

"maybe they want to make you enjoy the weekend even more?" You jokingly say which makes both of you laugh, as both you head toward your lockers a familiar group waits there.

"Oh, Yuna, Yujin, Sungho" Jiheon says, giving both the girls a quick hug, and a high five to Sungho as you could feel yourself getting nervous

"Were heading to the Arcade, Yujin THINKS she can beat me at Air Hockey" Sungho says, looking at Yujin with an excited look.

"im not saying i think i could beat you, i WILL" she corrected him before turning toward Jiheon again, "Wanna Join?" She asks

"Sure, sounds like fun" she answers, now turning herself toward you "you're' coming?" She asks, however as you were about to answer Yuna starts to speak over you

"Oh sorry, don't get me wrong but...he isn't really our friend, he is kind of like...your +1" Yuna says, not even turning to look as if you were invisible, you were now looking at your locker, trying to hide your embarrassment.]

Those moments always come to your mind whenever you look at yourself in the mirror after you take a shower, or at night when you lay on your bed, thinking about if you made the right decisions in your life to get where you are now.

However, as you look back at those moments in a clearer mind, you realise that with a person that loves you

(You suddenly feel a hand on your hair, lightly patting it, looking up and see its Jiheon, now in her sleeping attire as her smile beams at you.

"I know how hard you worked for it..." she says, before leaning downward as you can feel her lips giving your right cheek a quick peck before continuing to talk

"im proud of you" she adds, as you stand up she opens her arms, signaling you to come and hug her, with a happy face you happily oblige)

Cares about you

{"No no no you don't look stupid" she says, trying to calm her laughter.

"It's just that you look so...cute with those wolf ears" your cheeks turn rosy pink as Jiheon's hand finds itself on your shoulder, "I really mean it" you could feel your face turned from embarrassed to now happy, "Omg wait i have an idea"

She walks toward another box of costumes, pulling out a pair of fox ears, "We HAVE to take selfies with those" she grabs her phone with one hand while her other hand goes behind you back, letting herself side hug you

"Smileeee" she cheerfully says while raising her phone camera}

And lets you be the best version of youself

["I see" Jiheon says, her voice sounds disappointed her eyes tries to find yours that hide behind the locker door.

"Well, if my '+1' isn't coming..." she says to her friends as suddenly her hands grab yours, pulling you toward her before continuing to speak

"Then i am also not coming" Jiheon exclaims, you could see her face getting annoyed as she looks at them, but not before turning her gaze at you, now giving you a warm smile, her eyes giving you a look that says 'I got you']

You realise how those thoughts about yourself are not real, that even with those insecurities. And as you turn your gaze to Jiheon, your sunshine with her asleep while her right cheek lays on your chest while her arms wrap themselves around your waist, you can't help yourself but smile while thinking...

Maybe those insecurities never existed at all

=================================

As of today i am 20 years old so birthday fic i guess

Dedicated to @erospandemos

[purplesharks]

Do they get jealous? [JJK characters]

includes: gojo, nanami, shoko, megumi, yuji, nobara, maki, geto

GOJO: i can see him as getting jealous. i picture gojo has having some internalized insecurities and fearing abandonment. it's not that he doesn't trust you or anything. i think that he'd be the type to get clingy and a bit grumpy when he's jealous.

NANAMI: no i have nothing bad to say about this man. he just trusts you and views you as your own independent person. however, on the super duper rare occasion that he does happen to get jealous, he'd just communicate it to you and talk about it if it was rlly getting to him.

SHOKO: not really. if she did though it woudn't be extreme, and i honestly think she'd keep it to herself. like if she was jealous it would be so minimal she wouldn't feel the need to discuss it.

MEGUMI: YES HE GETS SO JEALOUS HELP MY BOY. its not that he doesnt trust u!! he just gets so jealous easily and he always feels annoyed at himself, he feels like its dumb to even think like that in the first place. he would be so so clingy and if you asked the god forsaken question, "are you jealous" he will be embarrassed out of his mind

YUJI: no. its actually funny because even things that SHOULD make someone jealous just dont register in his mind as something that should even make him feel that way.

NOBARA: ehhh sometimes. not really that often though. she'd probably just be quiet for a while because she's having an internal monologue where shes trying to convince herself shes better than the person who made her feel jealous in the first place.

MAKI: no, she's pretty secure in relationships and is confident that one person isn't gonna make you leave her. she trusts you to deal with people flirting with you yourself and to hang out with whoever whenever.

GETO: pretty similar to nanami; he rlly just trusts you and isn't someone who has a tendency to get jealous. if something managed to make him feel off though he'd probably not be as good at communicating it.

[littlebeluu]

Hi! Hope you're day is going well :)

If it's okay I'd like to request smth for marc, if not just ignore this haha. I actually have a few ideas but just pick the one you like the most :)

1. It's kinda similar to the one you already wrote I guess but reader being insecure cos shes not as conventionally attractive as other wags, like she's not ugly but she's not a model either yk? Maybe also like people online hating on her body and/or weight and she doesn't wanna make a big deal out of it but marc notices and like reassures her and stuff (also in my head, reader is like a really private person who doesnt like a lot of attention, has her social media accounts on private and doesn't post anything except a handful of stories every now and then but that's obvi just me, doesn't have to be like that)

2. Marc reaching reader catalan (in my mind reader can already speak Spanish but that's not a must obvi)

3. Marc teaching reader football and she's just really bad at it haha idk I think it could be cute

4. Height difference (I'm 5'3 haha so this is really a self insert) like maybe reader wearing his clothes for the first time and they're so adorably oversized on her or like just anything about height difference really :)

You can obviously change stuff about the requests if there's anything you don't feel comfortable with or don't like, I don't mind. Sorry if it's too much stuff at once btw, I'm not really good at writing this kinda stuff.

Thanks so much in advance already, I hope you have an amazing day (or night, depending when you're reading this haha)

I'll do other ones too 🫶🏻

I might have some trouble to do the second one cause I also don't speak catalán but I'll try anyway.

"Insecure"

marc guiu x female reader

warnings: none

The car engine hummed softly as Marc and I settled into our seats after training. Our eyes met in the rearview mirror, and I felt a flutter in my chest. Despite the hours apart, his presence still had that effect on me.

"Hey," Marc greeted, his voice warm but tinged with concern.

"Hey," I responded, trying to muster enthusiasm.

Marc's brow furrowed as he studied my reflection. "Are you okay?"

I nodded, forcing a smile. "Yes."

His eyes narrowed, unconvinced. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," I repeated, my voice barely above a whisper.

Marc sighed, reaching for the radio. As music filled the car, we drove in silence, the tension palpable. Every few minutes, I caught him glancing at me, worry etched on his face.

"I'm fine," I assured him, though the words felt hollow.

"You're lying," he said softly, his voice a mixture of hurt and frustration.

I hesitated, torn between protecting him from my insecurities and the need to be honest. "It's just..."

"Tell me," he encouraged, his tone gentler now.

"Why do you think I'm upset?" I deflected, buying time.

Marc's eyes softened as he looked at me. "I don't know, but I've noticed you haven't really smiled today. Not your genuine smile, anyway."

"Of course I did," I protested weakly.

"No," he shook his head. "I know you better than anyone else. I can tell when you're feeling down, even if you don't say anything."

His words hung in the air as I struggled to find my voice.

"What's wrong, babe?" Marc pressed, his concern evident. "You're going to tell me, or..." He trailed off, leaving the sentence unfinished.

I took a deep breath, feeling tears prick at my eyes. "I'm sorry. It's nothing important."

"It must be something if your smile hasn't been genuine in the past 24 hours."

"Yeah, well..."

"Just say whatever it is," he urged, his voice a mixture of frustration and worry.

"Honestly? People have been saying horrible things about me lately," I admitted, my voice cracking.

Marc's expression darkened. "What? Who?"

"It's okay," I tried to reassure him, wiping away a stray tear. "Really. Just forget about it."

"No," Marc insisted, pulling the car over to the side of the road. He turned to face me fully. "What happened?"

I hesitated, feeling foolish. "It's stupid."

"Just tell me," he pleaded, taking my hand in his.

"Your teammates' girlfriends posted photos with me yesterday," I began, my voice barely audible.

"And?"

"Everyone's saying horrible stuff. Like... like I'm the ugliest and fattest girlfriend."

Marc's face contorted with anger and disbelief. "What? Who's saying this?"

"People online," I mumbled, ashamed of how much it affected me.

"So nobody real?" he asked, his tone softening.

"Well, they could actually exist somewhere," I argued weakly.

"Don't even joke around," Marc frowned. "They don't deserve any importance. You shouldn't read comments under their posts anyway."

I sighed, looking out the window. "I know I shouldn't, but sometimes I can't help it. It's like picking at a scab - you know it's bad for you, but you do it anyway."

Marc's expression softened with understanding. "I get it, but those comments are toxic. They're not worth your time or energy."

"You're right," I admitted, turning back to face him. "I just wish I could stop caring what others think."

Marc reached over and squeezed my hand. "It's not easy, but we'll work on it together. Your worth isn't determined by strangers on the internet."

I took a deep breath, feeling vulnerable. "I guess sometimes those words hurt more than others. Like... maybe I wish I had more confidence. Being known is so overwhelming, and I wish I knew how to get over myself. I guess... I envy the confidence of other girls I meet."

Marc's eyes filled with understanding and love. "You're not ugly nor fat, Y/n. You're beautiful, inside and out."

"I didn't say I was, people said it," I protested weakly.

"But you think it," he said softly, his thumb tracing circles on my hand.

"No," I lied, unable to meet his gaze.

Marc cupped my face gently, forcing me to look at him. "Tell me something, Y/n. When was the last time you read something nice?"

I felt a rush of guilt for worrying him. "Well today, you told me something nice this morning. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound like such a baby."

"Stop apologizing," he said firmly. "You're beautiful, and I'm so lucky to be your boyfriend. But more than that, you're kind, intelligent, and strong. Those people online? They don't know you. They don't see how you light up a room, how you make everyone around you feel special."

Tears spilled down my cheeks as Marc's words washed over me. He pulled me into a tight embrace, and I buried my face in his shoulder.

"I love you," he whispered into my hair. "Every part of you. And I promise, we'll work on building your confidence together. You don't have to face this alone”

As we sat there, wrapped in each other's arms, I felt a weight lift from my shoulders. The cruel words of strangers seemed to fade away, replaced by the warmth of Marc's love and support.

"Thank you," I murmured, pulling back to meet his gaze. This time, my smile was genuine.

Marc leaned in, his lips meeting mine in a soft, tender kiss. It was gentle and reassuring, conveying all the love and support he had for me. As we parted, he rested his forehead against mine, our breaths mingling.

I reached up, running my fingers through his hair before pulling him in for another kiss, this one deeper and more passionate. When we finally broke apart, we were both slightly breathless.

Marc started the car again, but before pulling back onto the road, he turned to me with a mischievous grin. "Now, how about we go get some ice cream and plot our revenge on those haters"

I laughed, feeling lighter than I had in days. "Ice cream, yes. Revenge... maybe we'll save that for another day."

As we drove off, hand in hand, I realized that while I couldn't control what others said about me, I could choose to surround myself with love and positivity. And with Marc by my side, I felt ready to face whatever challenges came our way.

Before we reached the ice cream shop, Marc pulled over once more. He cupped my face gently and gave me one last, lingering kiss. "You're beautiful," he murmured against my lips. "Inside and out. Don't ever forget that."

I smiled into the kiss, feeling truly loved and cherished. With Marc's support and these tender moments, I knew I could overcome any insecurity. We drove on, looking forward to our ice cream date, our hands intertwined and hearts full of love.

[choccy-milky]

Their kids are so cute omg i'm gonna dir of adorableness

lewis: then die LMFAOO NO BUT FRR THANK UU IM GLAD U THINK SO🥹🥹💖💖💖all the love for them (esp lewis) gave me the idea to draw him deflecting all the attention so ty for giving me the excuse to post it....we luv our aloof distant boi🥰

its funny bc i was JUST talking about this recently, but i dont like pet names at all BAHAH, hence why seb and clora dont call each other anything, not even nicknames.... seb calls her the light/princess/a bird sometimes as playful and teasing jokes, but doesnt actually address her like that. and clora always calls sebastian by his full name as well, bc i was basing her dialogue/my writing off the game dialogue...bc for as close as anne and ominis are to seb, both of THEM call him sebastian in full, so maybe it was a victorian thing that nicknames werent really common? plus clora's so proper that it just feels like its in her personality to always call seb "sebastian"... i feel like if she ever DID call him "seb" he'd do a double take and be like ...HUH? who are you???......are you polyjuiced? LMAO. i do imagine seb calling clora "love" when they get older tho (not in hogwarts) bc i like how simple it is, and imagining him saying stuff like 'careful, love' makes me🫠🫠🫠🫠

aw TYY💖💖 honestly i didnt give the victorian setting TOO much thought, other than making clora more modest/not used to wearing trousers etc. like the actual victorian courting process was that youd ALWAYS be chaperoned by at least 1 other person and you wouldnt be able to kiss or anything, so the fact that our mcs are in a co-ed school with free reign already ruins that, so i wouldnt worry too much about it. a lot of it you can just wave off with the excuse that wizard society is more advanced than muggle society, which is true anyway LOL. i just kept the parts that i thought were fun/made it feel victorian ENOUGH but got rid of the stuff that was too annoying (one big example being the amount of clothing they wear....i said it in the notes for one of my chapters, but i wasnt about to make seb go through like 5 different layers just to touch cloras titty LMFAO) and no i didnt have 1 specific website i used, id just google "blank in victorian times" and look through all the articles and resources i could on that subject, and take little bits of it. SO YEA i wouldnt worry about it too much, just take what you want if you think it could enrich your story, and leave stuff out if its annoying to deal with BHAHA. and GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR WRITING!!💖💖

BAHAHA yeah sebs bark was defs bigger than his bite when it came to actually having kids/getting clora pregnant LOL. he defs loves the pregnancy part, but i feel like seeing her go through the actual labour was super hard on him/made him feel guilty bc he hates to see her in pain, let alone bc of HIM. not to mention that i imagine he would still work even once they have kids, so to leave clora with like 6 kids by herself isnt something he would have wanted to do LOL. once both lewis and celeste are in hogwarts tho i actually imagine seb and clora still doing curse breaking as well (albeit less dangerous jobs/not as far away) BUT YES having a third kid that looks like seb and is sassy like anne would be SO CUTEEE...a happy accident is a good idea too, tho i kinda like the idea of it being cloras idea.....like, she gets baby fever again now that the kids are kinda growing up and sebs like no i dont wanna put u through that again... but obvs seb wouldnt be able to resist if clora was begging seb to put a baby in her LMFAOOO its already as good as done at that point😇😇 AND THANK YOU, and im glad you liked it!!!🥹💖💖💖

@the-kcm-muggleborn AWWW ur right thats so pretty.....ty for showing me!!🥹and im glad it make you think of clora...SHE WOULD APPROVE OF THESE STUDIES👌⭐🌙

[nerdana]

Her Bangles

Anthony × Kate

Summary: Anthony doesnt mind people, especially when they are congratulating him on his wonderful wedding. But right now, he could use a moment alone with his lovely wife. Actually, he always needs a moment alone with her.

Word count: 2.2k

Warnings: fluffy fluffy fluff

Authors Note: ok not being shown the Kanthony wedding still makes me cry honestly. But ukw that doesnt stop me from writing scenarios. So hahahahahaha here you go

Also this is so not proof read. Deal with me please.

The room swam before his eyes, his feet moving a little too slowly just to make sure he didnt tip over, fall on his face, make a joke of himself on the best day of his life.

It wasn't the alcohol - he had hardly taken a sip off Benedict's glass, one that had been forced down his throat in the name of merriment, to be sure.

It wasn't that he was unwell either. Nor was he tired. It was just something about the crowds, the noise, the hand shaking and congratulations that had lost its familiarity quite swiftly. It's like he had been the centre of attention, the all-knowing, all-seeing source of gossip and now here he was just wishing for a quiet, alone, peaceful moment with the woman of his dreams.

Woman of his dreams. He liked the sound of that. Quite sly of him to just admit to himself the many sleepless nights his wonderful viscountess had once given him. This new honesty, it seemed to become him.

He felt a weight, a jingling in his pocket and smiled at the thoughts. Her bangles. The pretty, delicate, green adornments that remained imprinted on his mind as if part of her themselves.

Had she forgotten them? Had they been tainted by the hurt of that stupid, stupid day when he chose to break the heart of her sister, his betrothed? Were they touched by the kiss she gave him that evening?

He had no way of knowing. But the prospect of being visited once again by that beautiful and almost surreal smile when she saw the bangles, the smile that his wife bestowed only upon him, well that thought even made him bounce on his heels. In impatience. In excitement.

There was but a slight delay between the moment his gaze landed on Kate as he scanned the room and his feet took him to her before even his mind could process everything he saw.

The waiter handing out refreshments was easily dodged, Colin with a beauty on one hand and champagne in the other was ignored and forgotten as Anthony ducked under his arm to get to his wife.

His wife. His wife. His fucking wife.

How many times had he said these words to himself in the past hour or two? He had lost count.

"What are you smiling about?" He was used to being greeted with questions now. Questions, taunts, teasing retorts. All of it.

But presently all he wanted to do was kiss the woman in front of him. And that he did. His arm wrapped around her waist, he leaned in as Kate met his lips with a small laugh. He let himself settle into the feel of her, her scent rushing through his senses, the feel of her skin rendering all coherence impossible.

His tongue brushed along hers with a desire he had waited hours to unleash before she pulled away with an embarrassed smile and turned him towards his mother who looked at him with the kind of satisfaction that always set him at ease.

"I've finally done something right, havent I, Mother?", he chuckled. Violet Bridgerton, however, always with some rebuke for her eldest on her lips, held herself back this time. She had watched him be weary, tired, annoyed, helpless, broken? But this new glow he had on his face. The bubble of Marital Bliss that entrapped him now. She knew she wouldn't be the one to even pin prick through it.

So all she did was reach her hand out to caress the cheek of her daughter-in-law, a silent thank you for saving her son. "This is by far the best thing you have done, Anthony."

The smile on Kate's cheeks almost ushered a tear to her eyes but before she could thank her new mother for taking her in, Violet had turned and left the scene, leaving the newly weds with their moment of privacy.

Wiping the wetness on her skin, Anthony pulled her in for another peck, a short lived one this time, his hands settling something heavy in her palms as their mouths detached.

He was almost bouncing like a spring toy right where he stood and his energy was contagious. She pulled apart the draw strings on the bag, her teeth instinctively gnawing at her lip when she saw the green accessories before her.

A flurry of images - Amma bestowing the bangles to her, her fingers holding onto then a little as she responsibly handed them over to Edwina, Anthony's fingers and hers - they rushed through her brain like a tornado and left her stumped.

She looked up at her husband, the light of her life, who was now pulling the ornaments from her hands and slowly slipping them onto her wrists.

"I love you.", she whispered to him. And then looked away, back to where their hands were holding each other, just as they had on that fated day not too long ago. She let her fingers entwine with his, his chin resting on her shoulder, a low sigh of relief escaping both their lips as they let the reality set in.

"I love you, too.", he answered. More fact than instinct. Like he'd said it from somewhere deep within himself. She squeezed her eyes shut. Allowing herself to detach from the moment. From the people and the chatter and the fact that she was part of a new family and a new place and a new person.

She belonged to Anthony today. And he belonged to her. And his heart as it beat somewhere right next to her, told her that it would be that way till the very of end of themselves.

For better or for worse, in peace and to the very end of every argument, from the flowers at her desk to the jewels on her wrist. This was it. Her peace. Her life. Her husband.

And finally, she was ready to allow it to happen to herself. Something she had kept at bay for years.

Happiness.

[artdcnaldson]

ararararararar uuuggghhhh shes so terrible, anything to torture him back. i luv luv luv!!!!

will gladly elaborate on this, but im convinced that after this pats sister is doing everything within her power to recreate that night. every party she gets just that little bit drunker, grinds just a bit more scandalously, flirts just a bit more obviously. anything to get a rise out of him, because as much as she pretends not to with her fake tears, she loves it when he gets mean

i think one night shes had a bit too much to drink and has been flirting way too much with matt from the swim team (who btw looks an awful lot like art... but hes to caught up in his jealousy to bother with that rn). this time art isnt dealing with her shit, he just walks over and puts her over his shoulder, telling her its bedtime. right in the middle of matts sentence, talking about the upcoming swim meet or something, she really wasnt listening. shes making more of a fuss about it than usual, complaining about him being controlling, and really shouldnt he just be happy that youre trying to fuck someone other than him!!!! isnt this what he wanted!!!! (they both know its not lol)

i think she lets it slip, she forgets that she was supposed to have been blackout drunk and clueless, but she begs him to let her see his pretty cock again. youll show him yours if he shows you his :))) drunkenly slurring it out when shes sitting on his bed. i think he would get so pissed at her for making him feel so guilty for so long. hes felt like a huge creep, a perv, felt like he had taken advantage of her. when in reality she really is just a spoiled brat and a desperate slut.

i need him to like slap me in the heat of the moment, not super hard of anything but just right across my cheek. i need him to feel so bad right away, ready to get on his knees and beg for forgiveness. he doesnt know what came over him, hes never done anything like that before. and then i need his eyes to darken when he realized my only reaction is a loud moan and telling him to pls do it again, harder. :))))

-🐞

GODDDDDD I actually like had a physical reaction to this it’s so serious.

You know you fucked up the second you say it, when you’re sitting on his bed looking up at him and you see the recognition in his eyes. Sobers you up real fucking quick. And there’s nothing to say, so you’re just quiet, practically holding your breath.

It stings when his hand slaps across your cheek, and your eyes fill with water and you’re holding onto the hot stinging skin like, oh!

And in an instant he’s literally on his knees in front of you, big hands wrapped around your knees as he apologizes again and again and again.

“I’m so sorry, that was— there’s no fucking excuse,” he’s stammering, mumbling, feels like he might puke over it. Because he hit you. And he’s never felt so awful in his life. He’s the worst kind of person— he let his anger take over into pure basal instincts.

But then your legs are parting, you moan softly when his grip on your knees tightens. “‘S okay, Art,” you assure. “Do it again. Punish me for lying, for being a slut and letting you feel guilty about it. Hit me harder.”

It only makes him angrier, makes all of the guilt wash away. He grabs your jaw tight, makes you whimper. “You’re fucking disgusting.” You nod, agreeing. You’d agree with whatever he’d say, honestly. He pops your cheek again, makes a soft moan escape your lips.

He shouldn’t like it as much as he does. But god, you make him feel insane. He squeezes your jaw in his grip, makes your eyes widen at the pressure and sting, then drops you completely. You collapse back onto his bed, still holding your cheek.

“I’m serious, this is the last fucking time I put up with you,” he says, but even he doesn’t believe it. He’s still seething as he turns out the lights, as he sleeps on the pile of blankets he had laid out on the floor anticipating you coming back to his dorm anyway.

You stay awake, pretend not to hear him fisting his cock beneath the blankets, pretending he doesn’t groan your name muffled into the pillows when he cums.

[the-s1lly-corner]

HELLO HI HI

dlfkwkfowowo im secretly staking ur blog

if this is okay with you…

could there perhaps be a tadc x reader who smiles… but like all the time

like no matter what happens, reader always has a smile on their face to never show weakness!

this can come off as creepy because the only thing fhat you always see is their smile, they never frown, or anything like that

feel free to ignore this though if you aren’t interested! take care! <3

TADC cast x reader who always smiles!

gm everyone its 6 in the morning and the admin woke up at around 2am, unable to go back to sleep.... sooooooooooooo.... yeah! gonna answer a few requests then imma make breakfast, work on art, and hopefully work on more requests! might make cookies again today.... we'll see!

CAINE:

completely unphased by any creepiness of your perma smile, in fact he would go on to compliment it anytime he sees it... which is... all the time.... whether your smile is permanent due to your digital body, or you willingly choose to smile all the time.. doesnt matter to him, hes going to let you know that he loves how you look! doesnt raise a brow when it doesnt falter in the phase of danger or stress, probably thinks thats... only slightly strange, but not anything to raise any questions... you know? pretty much ai not fully understanding humans deal with that one

POMNI:

genuinely freaked out by it because it can get.. unnerving at times especially if youre quiet. like can you imagine you just slink into the room and youre just. smiling. god she would probably jump a few feet into the air when she finally notices you.... not cool, reader!/lh

nervously smiles back, though she does relax a little when she gets to know you better and why you smile all the time, eventually getting over her fear for the most part! though, i think she would gently push for you to let the smile drop every now and then

RAGATHA:

assuming she knows you do it to not be vulnerable you can bet your ass shes going to try to get you to let your walls down around her, lets you have alone time with her and reassures you that theres nothing wrong in having a moment of weakness. things like that. though, she may come off as pushy just know that she means no harm. like pomni, when first getting used to you/getting to know you i think she would be a little put off by your perma-smile but soon grows used to it. much faster than pomni does, i think

JAX:

probably teases you about it and gives you nicknames for it/being perceived as happy and cheerful... perhaps keeps it up even after he finds out why you do it/puts the pieces together himself. though, he doesnt try to get you to open up, since thats a you issue and jax doesnt seem like the type to have you take a step towards that since it seems to be working for you. sooooo... honestly i think he would still smile too, only because he knows it unnerves some of the other circus members. not at all for the same reason you do it so take that as you will

KINGER:

honestly depending on how the smile looks (normal, or perhaps stretched wide) it might dip into a sort of uncanny valley for him... actually, even if it looked normal, seeing someone just smiling all the time can put anyone off, i think. especially someone like kinger whos always paranoid about something terrible happening... definitely going to have to either drop the smile around him or fill him in on everything. do i think he would be rude and/or run away at the mere sight of you? definitely not, especially if you guys are friends/partners, but hes definitely going to be a little anxious on bad days the first few weeks he knows you, you know?

ZOOBLE:

doesnt really care either way. does think the smile is a little creepy, though. but that doesnt exactly mean its a bad thing, in fact they think its cool. interesting. different. admin likes to headcannon that zooble was into horror/disturbing stuff so something like this might be up their alley, reasoning for the smile aside. though, i do think they would have a little pause if they find out your reasoning... mostly only if you guys are close since otherwise they brush it off as its not their business. buuuuuut... if you are close, they probably tell you theres nothing wrong in being vulnerable, at least in their own way which may come off as sarcastic.. so !

GANGLE:

i was about to say that she would be put off by it, but honestly? she gets it. i saw somewhere/someone said that gangles masks are like metaphors/comedy mask is a false thing and shes not ACTUALLY happy or confident with it on.. if i had the post id link it but </3

out of all of them i think... with her, youre the most likely to drop your own mask and open up to her, at least with the most ease because you guys can relate to one another. sure, gangle has her masks for a different reason (as well as them simply being a part of her digital body), but you guys can still relate and find solidarity in one another

[slocumjoe]

Concept for if Bethesda loved the other Companions same as old tricky dick

Gage; a dlc that doesn't kinda suck actually, but also properly explores what being a raider entails, and what kind of people end up as one. I don't think you could actually redeem him, but I'd like that idea to be directly confronted, as least. I've talked about this before but it's wasted potential that you can't make the Nuka Gang confront the fact that Oh Shit The Farmers Are Now Dangerous

Deacon: I don't think he needs his own side quest or even DLC, but I'd like him to have side quests attached to him, a la Nick's detective cases sidequests. He's a spy. Pls let us do spy shit

Piper: Same as Deacon, but I think she actively needs a sidequest. Her character gimmick, her plot purpose, and her actual affinity talks are so unrelated it's painful. Let her journalism actually be content, not just a bit of trivia about her. A set of side quests + a personal quest that addresses Diamond City's Problems with a capital P. Lots of societal issues in that little space and we do nothing with any of it.

Preston: just fix the Minutemen and give this man a goddamn break. The Minutemen just need a rehaul, so as to not have him be the quest giver. And give him other stuff to do! I wanna actually fight the Gunners! Bring up and address the failures of the old Minutemen!!! Please!!!

X6-88: give the bitch something oh my God. Much like Gage, I don't think you can convince him to let go of the Institute, but give us a CHANCE. Emil just seems so scared to ask hard questions and use interesting concepts.

Danse; finish his arc you thots (also I think Fallout 4 really lacks some humanizing/soft moments in the world and I think Danse would be a good. Subject? For them. Like a shelter dog getting to play with ducklings. Idk but I have a vision)

MacCready: they forgot that his whole point was having a whole ass baby. Give him his child wtf.

Strong; delete

Codsworth; stronger plot presence. This robot raised that old bitch let him throw hands. Also, if you wanted to put quests in Sanctuary that spawn up as the town develops, Codsworth would be a great quest giver and tagalong as you try and keep the piece and set up some kind of society.

Curie; I've said it before. I'm saying again. Curies whole deal should have been a major plot point. She's a robot that becomes human and develops human feelings with human biology. This is not important to any faction leader. What on earth.

Cait; yall fuckin know how I feel about Cait but honestly, her personal quest sucks so much I'd rather they didn't. Just give her more and better affinity talks. She needs more time to open up and develop, and 4 conversations is not enough.

Hancock; I have quite a few nitpicks about Hancock but the fact that Micky D getting ganked and being revealed to be a synth DOESNT MATTER is insane. Macdonough's last interaction with Hancock was crucial to his character arc and not letting that circle around is so, so miserable. Also, I want politically-charged quests. Campaigning! Discussions on economy! He's a mayor of this weird little anarchy town, let us play in that space.

[transmascanakin]

For the varmitech bro au

1. Does Martin remember Chris? Does he know how he could've/should've looked like?

2. How brainwashed is Chris? How much does he actually believe?

3. Do the Kratt parents take any role in the au?

4. Can we get more Tortuga crew??? How does Martin deal with missions alone, how do the others react to him?

Ty for the ask anon ! Honestly some of these questions are things i originally wanted to include in the explanation post but ended up deleting because i didnt want to make it too lengthy so Im glad to talk about them now!

1. Martin doesnt remember Chris clearly, he has some blurry memories and flashes but its mostly the feelings he remembers if that makes sense. Like how he was close with Chris and loved him a lot, the feeling of fear everyone felt when Chris went missing and the despair when no one could give them closure, how lonely he felt after.

He doesnt really know what Chris could look like, maybe he likes to imagine, but you cant really get accurate answers like that. Also with cases like his you often see detectives constructing images of what the missing kids could look like now years later and I thought about Chris getting one of these done but he probably would only do that if he sorted through everything else because while Martin thinks his brother is alive, Chris firmly believes that he died a long time ago. He doesnt really think the image would be useful

2. Hes half brainwashed and half doesnt remember a lot of things naturally because of a traumatic reaction. What he has been told was that they have been through a traumatic accident (like a car crash) of some kind that damaged his brain temporarily and thats why he barely remembers anything from his early childhood and has some memories that never actually happened (the memories of the Kratt family) and he believes thats true because frankly, he has no reason not to. Maybe he questioned it when he was younger, but as an adult your childhood memories get really blurry (especially if youve been through something traumatic) so he kind of just accepted the car crash excuse to be true. He suspects there's something hes not being told but he doesn't even think of him being kidnapped as a possibility

3. A little, yes ! The reason Martin wanted his brothers case to be investigated again was actually because of how bad it affected his parents even after 20 years, which is just the sad reality of missing child cases. This part is unfortunately not that well developped yet, but maybe the Kratt brothers father fell really ill and Martin was worried hed have to pass away without knowing what happened to Chris, or maybe they got divorced after not being able to move on from the incident evem after all that time, ill have to think about it but whatever happened motivated Marin to contact detective Chris.

Either way I do have 2 scenes in my head that include atleast one of them ! The first one is where Chris and Martin go back to Martins childhood home to search the area again, and they briefly talk to mama Kratt who still lives here, and she takes one look at Chris with a mothers eye and thinks "wow he looks exactly like Chris" and although she doesnt believe its actually him she does think its some sign from the universe or idk something sentimental !! I just rhink itd be sweet of her. I also think itd be interesting from the pov of Chris because this is a maternal figure who treats him really nice and he just cant help but notice how different his mom is from Martins yk sad feelings...

Also Chris gets to reunite with his parents after everything goes down :)

4. Hell Yeah!!

Martins missions here are a bit more professional as he doesnt really have anyone to goof around with but he still has fun because he gets to gush about animals to the team.!! (He definitely wishes he had someone with him out in the field) Also i guess the villains are also interesting here because dealing with them alone causes confrontations to drag out, and they also become harder and more serious, especially with Zach as he got a big advantage with 'the crawler'. Aviva does jump in to help a lot but shes a bit limited because at this point she hasnt finished making her own cps yet (this might become relevant later i havent decided yet.)

In the last part I assume you were asking about how they feel about Chris, and they do meet a lot while Martin and Chris are working on the investigation, and Koki actually helps them a lot with her computer skills. The crew also grows pretty close to Chris, i mean he kinda just clicks with them, and he latches onto them a lot as he hasnt really had proper friends before. Like ever. Basically theyre just found family i love them. !!!

Sorry for making this so long haha I just love talking about this au... I hope these answers satisfied!

[pumpkinsy0]

Ok this might seem stupid but hear me out, perhaps we could get some headcanons of papercut in the events of the book but instead of Johnny it was Curly who stabbed the soc and him and Pony had to run away together? It would also be cool to see what the Curtis AND Shepard gangs reactions are

this aint stupid,,,,ur onto something here,,,,

•ok look, not REALLY related but curly woulda loved that white trash w mustangs and madras line, this white on white violence gotta STOP💔💯

•ANYWAYS, i think he’d put up more of a fight, he’d try to get to pony but they were outnumbered so he gets cornered, HOWEVER, he always carries some weapon on him, or maybe he picked up a coke bottle, POINT IS, bob still died lmao

•i dont think curly and pony would stay around that area as long as johnny and pony did, curly would want to leave as soon as he could so nobody could see them, so ponys forced to just get it together in under like 2mins so they could leave, so ponys disassociating badly

•theyd go to tim, curly doesnt like dally and tim IS his older brother, then tim would tell dally, and they still end up at the dirty ass church</3

•now curlys shaken up too, like hes not trying to show it to look tough, but hes never done THAT before, never flat out hurt someone that badly before, but he still doesnt regret it bc it was to defend pony, however considering hes black in the 60s in TULSA, hes so certain a judge will not gaf that it was outta self defense, so actually hes disassociatin too, they both a lil fucked up rn

•back at home, dally didnt tell darry or soda where they were but tim sure as hell did, he gets what darrys goin through cause theyre both older bros worryin over their younger bros, darry doesnt know HOW to react at all to it, he doesnt tell soda nor johnny, or anyone really, when two bit says he’ll go to texas (i think it was,,,) to look for him, darry says not to bother, so they all feel like darry knows where pony is and they dint know wether to be happy or terrified bc why isnt he tellin em or getting him??

•when it comes to the shepard gang, tim did tell some of em whats going on, only his trusted guys tho, theres basically nothing they CAN do to stop word from spreading about it bc the socs who were there already went to the cops, so they all have to lay low for a while, stay in line cause tim quite honestly cant handle anything more rn

•angela’s pretty much losing it too, shes drinking more, way more irritable, if one of the shepards is gone, ALL of em r losing it dawg

•in the church, curlys trying to act like his normal self but u can tell that he’s damn near close to losing it cause this could mean prison or the death penalty, hes so sure hes done for and pony wants to reassure him but holy fuck it aint lookin too good, they do their normal banger but u can feel this somber tension between the two as if this is gonna b their last moments together

•curly is NOT talking about turning himself in at all, he’d rather kill someone else to NOT go actually, on top of that tims telling him to stay hidden, dallys tellin him to stay hidden, so thats how he knows hes GOTTA stay there

•NOW THE FIRE, just like dally, curly dont care that much bout those kids im ngl, but bc ponys running in there, now HE has to help, boooooo👎🏽👎🏽👎🏽👎🏽

•curly aint like johnny, hes grabbing those kids and pushing them out, whatever injuries they get outta that they gonna have to deal w later, its better than them being dead id think, when the church falls, honestly??? i think my main man curly gettin outta there in time, he lowkey DID push pony out the window cause he was taking too long and then jumped out bit aye, hes livin

•its either that or he risks it and takes the longer way out if like, the wood fell where the window was

•he aint livin without some injuries and scars tho, he did definitely break SOMETHING and got some burns on his hands and wherever else, but hes relatively fine, a part of the reason y is bc he wears a leather jacket, unlike johnny who wears a jean jacket, and jean jackets r more flammable, and as seen w pony, the leather jacket did help him a bit in that fire, he still is banged up tho

[sdvshanewife]

Gonna be honest and say that I don’t even think shane is rude he’s just not very nice. (Obviously all early on) first meeting he says the thing why are you talking to me I don’t know you. Which is a) true and b) not that bad he’s just like bruh who are you man. Okay woah not very friendly like most of the town but just how it is sometimes

And I feel like no one ever considers the actual situation afterwards. If you keep talking to him despite him very obviously wanting to be left alone and have somewhat made it clear the first time that’s on you?? He SAID leave him alone. The player isn’t respecting that and keeps talking to him. Obviously in stardew valley it all works out happy ending they get married yeah yeah everything’s okay but. In the real world if you keep bothering a guy who tells you to Leave Him Alone and he starts saying stuff like “what do you want” “go away” that is literally entirely on the person who doesn’t listen to him and you know, leave him alone?? It is so insane to me that people act like he’s the worst, acting like you said hi and he went “fuck you and your entire family I hope you die in a [redacted]”. Okay, I’ll agree that he’s not nice. But It is genuinely crazy to me that people agree that he’s apparently such a huge jerk. I think we’re all used to the town being really welcoming and warm and friendly so when he’s like that it’s unexpected and a bit of a shock, and I also understand being sensitive to stuff like this (no hate to that at all)

But I do not understand people who think others actually own them conversation just because…? and when someone doesn’t want to be bothered they are somehow lacking in personal morality. That is wild to me. Is it weird? Yeah maybe depends on where you’re from. Does it say something about who they are as a person? Probably not. At least less than they think.

I guess the fact that Stardew is expected to be a wholesome warm fuzzy game also plays into it. Like why are you like this it’s stinking up my cozy little game etc etc. And I get that but I don’t think it’s fair because Shane’s thing is not the only heavy topic in this game. Alex dealing with a parental loss and iirc also past abuse from his father!! Pam’s alcoholism and as a result putting Penny through so much bullshit and responsibility she shouldn’t have had to shoulder!! Kent is a former pow with ptsd!! And more that’s “milder” but still not all sunshines and rainbows. I know Stardew has the reputation of being cozy and warm and it’s true but that is mostly due to the players saying it themselves. There was no promise that there would not be heavier topics in the game at all. And it’s also handled well (not like uhh sudden horror twists or stuff) and is not otherwise very “out of place” so yeah it’s not fair to expect that from the game or him.

Um honestly by this point I’m not that mad anymore so

Live laugh shane our mantra yeah

the reason people make out shane to be ruder than he actually is is because they compare him to the other villagers that say hi and are friendly blah blah blah. it's also just expected for people to be friendly or atleast be "decent" (for a lack of a better word?) when you talk to them (or when they talk to you). when someone doesnt want to talk, theyre expected to not be so blunt and be like "oh sorry, i dont really wanna talk right now" and not be as direct as shane is.

i dont really agree with the "stardew valley is made out to be a cozy game". while i understand where you're coming from, most people don't mind the heavy topics, what they do care about is the way shane acts. ive never seen people complaining about penny's, alex's, or kent's stories which contain heavy topics. they're easier to sympathize with because the characters are nice.

LIVE LAUGH SHANE

[liquidstar]

I've seen a lot of people in the Re:zero community hate puck with a passion and call him a hypocritical toxic father, and a good portion of them accuse him of deliberately mentally abusing Emilia so that she can be a naive pretty doll with no sense of independence and always obey him unconditionally.

How do you feel about that?

i dont think theyre wrong per say but i also do think puck genuinely loved emilia a lot- i dont think this is something up for debate. he will literally end the world if she dies. but is that what she would want??? i highly doubt it. emilia is a girl who would die for a world that has been nothing but cruel to her.

puck was never really meant to be a father, like, thats not what he was made for. hes the beast of the end not the beast of paternal love. but thats also something about him i find compelling, because he changed so much of himself because he loved this girl so much. his mentality is literally "if anything happens to her ill kill everyone in the world and then myself"

but he does baby her. extremely so. and he does treat her like a doll. remember part of their contract is literally that he does her hair, and thats why she chops off in greed:if as an act of rebellion (normal teen girl behavior honestly). he also literally never told her what sex is- shes 17 and she had no clue, and its played off as a joke at first, but subaru's "damn you puck" rings so true.

remember in wrath:if it was puck who pitched a deal with suabru to keep emilia trapped in the "princess room" away from all the danger. the whole princess room thing (in wrath:if and also in her childhood) is symbolic of her loss of autonomy in a lot of ways, especially when you remember she's NOT a princess. she's a candidate to be a KING!

and there are more damning things within their contract too, like how she literally wasnt allowed to SEE HER OWN FACE! its not made super clear in the anime, but whenever she looks at reflections she actually doesnt see anything back (not because she doesnt have one, but that she herself isnt perceiving it. and i think a lot of this also comes back to the self-recognition theme of the story, the whole reflections though eyes motif and all. remember how much of her we saw reflected only through subaru's eyes? she doesnt actually see her own reflection until she jumps inside the lake in the trial)

but i think thats also a big part of why he broke her contract with her to begin with. i think he knows she hasnt been allowed to grow up, that shes been overly babied, isolated, and kept away from things that might potentially make her feel bad. including her past, and even her present and future... breaking the contract off all at once isnt a good way to do this, i mean, her mental breakdown was so emblematic of that. but i think its important to look at what it all means for the meta narrative.

the latter half of arc 4 was absolutely emilia's arc, and a lot of it was her sort of growing up. i dont think cold turkey is a great way for a parental figure to do this to their child, but emilia was so incredibly dependent. and a lot of that was because puck MADE her dependent to begin with. for so much of her life she literally only had him... like. she was all alone in complete isolation in a frozen forest for as far back as she can remember, and everyone in the world hated her for reasons she didnt understand, and all she had was this little cat thing to be her friend. OF COURSE shes dependent on him, and of course she thinks she cant do stuff on her own (shes so fucking scared of being alone), and i think puck sort of depended on this mindset to keep her a "child" for as long as possible

but she had to grow up eventually. she's 18, maybe almost 19 by this point of the story (still unclear exactly which month we're in) and this is just as much her coming of age story as it is subaru's. (but speaking of subaru puck also guilt trips him quite a bit about emilia's deaths, even when he himself is "gone at the most important times" in emilia's words, which is not only hypocritical but also manipulative!)

all this being said i seriously love puck as a character because when he was first introduced i was like "oh god. annoying mascot character. boring" and then the beast of the end reveal happened and i was like "oh so this is going in the kyubey ripoff direction. i guess that makes sense for a dark fantasy but idrc" BUT THEN he actually ends up being like. an actual character w a lot of depth and nuance to him, a lot of it being how incredibly fucking sketchy he actually is but in a completely different way than just "evil twist mascot." between him and matsumoto from vivy, i love how tappei handles mascot characters- theyre a really hard thing to get right w/o being annoying LOL.

[crippling-pages]

Watched the two new Lego Friends episodes on YouTube today and...

EMOTIONS OUCH

anyways spoilers undercut as i cry and rant

For the Fright Night ep, honestly im glad that we got an episode with no Ley-La drama. It felt nice to have a break and just see the group have fun XD

also LIANN AND NOVAAAAAA HJMMMMM

"We're her friends!"

"*GASP* SHE SENT ME HEARTS~"

guys. guysguysguysguysGUYS they're lesbians <3

The ending was hilarious with Autumn XDD She's so cool omg and Olly actually fainting was smth i found myself finding funny lol

And for Olly's Quest for Fame... i feel like one things clear;

He definitely has some childhood trauma going on.

Him being sensitive about the hate comments, causing him to believe what they're saying about him, and doing what they say and getting and causing him to be more obsessed with everything.

I think he might've been bullied as a kid. I said this before but in this world if your a guy who's passion is clothing and fashion or something un-man like, you get called things (cough looking at you insta comments cough). I also feel like he might've not had as much money growing up; like his family was lower middle class at best, so that might be why Olly was so... controlling? Obsessive? About money and fame.

For his craving for fame, money, being recognized; him being bullied (troll comments), money (not having a lot growing up, his parents having trouble with money), and him wanting to be seen. He wants people to know what he's doing, that's he's doing something important something that people love and admire him for. Something I doubt he got as a child.

And for the way he's treating Paisley... it's obvious that he doesn't mean too. He never, ever, EVER will hurt Paisley on purpose, and we all know that. He's just blinded by the thought of finally being seen to realize that Paisley doesnt want to do any of it...

Another thing I was to talk about what he said; "My outfits are my identity!" That's not just something you just say, without any meaning. Designing outfits is his passion, one of the things he's loved all his life, and something thats always been there for him. And if what I said about his childhood is true, he's probably feeling very provoked and insecure about himself now, and he feels like he needs to be better.

Not saying this excuses how he's treating Paisley; Heck, I love love Paisley but she herself has to try and speak up to Olly but she's afraid she's going to lose him. And Olly thinks he's helping Paisley do what she loves, but he's gotten caught up in it with himself and now he can't see what's right in front of him.

On a different note; ZAC. This dude has come a long way from the first episode. He's literally AMAZING. His character development>>>>>>>>>>>> He's being such a good friend to Paisley, and they're friendship is so pure and kind <3 (but it better stay platonic, lego. gimme some friendship that stay friendships!!)

Also Aliya and Liann now know who Ley-La is!! I dunno if this is good or bad-

Olly's talk with Zac and then Aliya, I feel like this proves that he has something internal monsters to deal with but instead is projecting them onto the whole Ley-La thing.

But thats it. I NEEEEEEED Olly to apologize to Paisley and for him to see his mistakes; it better be REALLY good Lego, and it better be one of the BEST character arcs of all time.

thank you for listening to my ted talk.

[mbat]

i kinda love and hate something about the new expansion, and its anduins story

disclaimer that my knowledge of world of warcraft in general is very... tangled. like, if youve ever pulled out a bunch of necklaces and theyre tangled together and youre like 'what the fuck how do i even fix this'. thats my knowledge of world of warcraft. ive learned everything out of order and theres a lot i dont even know yet blah blah

but anyway

what i understand is that during shadowlands, anduin basically got ?posessed? and was forced to be fully aware as he watched his own body do horrible things that couldnt be undone, and that part of him enjoyed it.

and then it ended and he was so fucked up by that (rightfully) that he went and hid from the world for a while, isolating himself and only furthering these horrible feelings because he couldnt find a way to not feel horrible about what happened

and then hes found and told that hes needed again, but hes still beating himself up

and the worst part is, he cant find it in himself to reconnect with this thing thats important to him, the light, because he thinks hes unworthy. the light is seen as such a good thing in this world, and he thinks himself no longer good. (i could say how this feels weirdly christian but that is NOT the point here)

he goes on this journey anyway, how could he not? their world is in trouble.

and in this journey, they find a land hiding away thats pretty much made to help him LMAO. theres a few things, but mostly... theres the light. a gem rock star thingy of some kind as bright as the sun sticking out of the ceiling of an underground world, and it is the light. the light he feels he lost

and he meets someone whos so devoted to it, so hopeful despite everything thats happened to her, and she sees in him what he thinks he doesnt have for anyone to see

she lets him know that the light is still there, he still has it, he will be okay. he doesnt believe it, but he starts to

its through this journey that he learns that what happened doesnt define who he is, not forever, not even now, and he finds the light again

especially in such a pivotal moment where he does something thats the opposite of what he was forced to do before

where he was forced to hurt and kill people

he finds his ability to heal again, and revives someone

and i guess i said i love it and hate it because like... i hate that this isnt in a form i can easily re-consume like a book or a show or a movie, or even a linear video game. and once i go through it on a character, i cant do it again unless its on another character, and i only have so many high level characters. i could probably just watch videos or something about it but idk it just doesnt work the same

i also hate that i know im not gonna find many people talking about it, at least, not even in the way i want

but what i love is that this type of story was done at all. i feel like its underdone, where a character, especially a character whos 'the good one', does something(s) thats horrible, maybe even 'unforgivable' depending who you ask, and they have to deal with realizing that it doesnt define them, and they can still be good, still be worth loving and having a good life. learning to forgive themself.

i feel like its a story that a lot of people need to hear, even if they dont even realize it. i know ive done things in the past i still feel like i will never make up for, and i still dont know how to feel about it all.

i think its actually wild that something like world of warcraft did it at all, and honestly, i think they did it well. i guess i cant speak much on the shadowlands part of it because i have yet to see all of that, only really the cutscenes and cinematics, but ive seen the war within part of it.

and idk i feel like i have so much to say but i cant think of more, but i really enjoyed it.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas!! im back with an update about me, M, and F!

okay so, i told M how i feel about F and she was... sort of okay? like she said she was fine, had picked up on it, and had decided she wasnt going to try anything anyway because she wanted to work on herself before going for a relationship with anyone, so thats good (honestly im more just glad shes planning to work on their mental health etc because she deserves to feel good about herself and i could tell recently theyve not been feeling great)

as for F and i, we're... something? idk, we had a sort of movie "date" and after she walked me to my flat (we live literally like a minute from each other bc we're both living on university campus) we did kiss but then weve just... not acknowledged it since? we flirt a bit still (we did this before bc neither of us were brave enough to do anything more ahaha) but thats it

to add to whatever that is, ive hit a roadblock in regards to my feelings. idk how much you know about abrosexuality, but thats how i identify, which means (for me, at least) that my sexuality changes (im also genderfluid so i usually describe it like that but with sexuality instead of gender). and right now im not really romantically attracted to women? maybe not anyone, its bloody impossible to tell most of them time, but as much as i know that i like her, its kinda turned to really strong platonic feelings?

this is the first time ive had any sort of romantic interaction with anyone since finding the abrosexual label, so i dont really know how to navigate this, especially because even though i have come out to this friend group as abro, i dont really know if she properly understands what that means. honestly, im nearly at the point where i might just send her a fic i wrote with abrosexual!sirius even though that would expose my ao3 ahaha

i dont want to make her feel like i dont like her anymore because i do, just not in the same way all the time, if that makes sense? it also really doesnt help that idk what we are, so its not like i could just rock up and be like "hey, so i know we might be dating or may date in the near future but i actually only like you as a friend right now, sorry!" because what if it actually wasnt a date?? we never defined it as one but it felt a lot like one

on another, separate note (my apologies, but life is hard and navigating it is even harder) im feeling really shit about my name at the moment, but i have no solution. when i went to uni, i started going by my chosen name (for online's sake, we'll say im using dorian which is what i go by here, though i use a different one irl) and it felt really great to use something i was more comfortable with

but recently i went back to a show i watched years ago because it came up on my recommended and i was bored, and since i stopped watching, one of the characters changes his name. hes not trans, but his storyline sort of- triggered something in my brain? idk how to describe it, but ever since then my chosen name just hasnt felt right

ive tried looking at other names and ive really thought about it a lot but now absolutely *nothing* feels right and its making me feel really dysphoric any time anyone speaks to me using any name (like, my chosen name now feels as shit as my deadname) and i know you cant just pick a name for me but do you have any advice about what i can do? i feel like ive looked at a thousand or more names and nothing feels right

sending love as always! <3

Ooo okay so for the first situation, could you bring up your sexuality to F in a hypothetical way. Like "hey I'm figuring out my sexuality and I need someone to talk to"? That way you're not saying how you feel about HER, and neither of you has to deal with rejection, but the point gets across.

As far as your name, do you have a supportive friend that might be willing to try a few names with you? Like actually refer to you by those names, to see how you feel when they're used for you? Maybe it's that you have to hear the names used to see how you feel, you know?