#honestly my lavellan does love him and is hurt but she has to be so many things to so many different people

[rhysnolastname]

Solas says I know a place and takes you to the middle of a swamp where he insults your culture, religious beliefs, and then dumps you.

[maharellasa]

I've given it a lot of thought about making a post like this, because I didn't want to just add to the already extended discourse on the subject, but I keep reading opinions and I just can't stay out of it.

Before I continue I want to make clear that I've done high approval solas playthroughs and I do believe that a befriended solas cares deeply for the inquisitor. He respects and values them, and you could even argue that they forge a kind of sibling bond or a mentor/apprentice one. So for him to betray that, it's really a tragedy in the end—the inquisitor hurts deeply for their lost friend/mentor.

That said, and I am truly, honestly, not saying this as a solasmancer, but from a storytelling point of view, the story of a romanced solas is still far more impactful.

Please let me make my case before you draw conclusions.

I am not saying it's more valid, or that you should do it, or that it should be the canon. Just, simply, that it is a more powerful story narratively, and that acting like the high approval run somehow has an equal narrative value is completely unbased. It's a meaningful story, yes, but it does not have the same impact. (To be clear, I'm not speaking in comparison to other romances here since that's based on taste and preferences, just the case of befriended vs romanced solas specifically.)

From a creative writing point of view, the romance employs:

backstory relevance: fen'harel is an important part of lavellan's culture and upbringing. and yes, arguably, that's true for any lavellan, but in the case of a romanced one, there's the beautiful narrative device of—

tragic irony: she grew up specifically being cautioned about the dread wolf's treachery, hearing blessings like "may the dreadwolf never catch your scent" etc. and what does she do? she goes and falls in love with him.The dread wolf literally takes her. A befriended lavellan might love him, but will give him nothing so vital as her heart for it to be considered "a taking". And as for other inquisitors, well, they don't even know who Fen'harel is.

unique perspective: (edit because of comments on this post) solas reveals much more of himself to a romanced inquisitor than a high approval one. "it's not right", "it's been so long since I trusted someone", "it will be kinder in the long run", "you saw more than most", and to top that, the ultimate reveal of solas telling her he can remove her vallaslin, which is his way of showing her who he truly is.

denied catharsis: one of the most essential rules of storytelling is that after you've reached the climax of the hero's journey and you've dragged them through all their struggles, you should provide a form of catharsis. that doesn't happen in the case of the romanced lavellan. she ends up alone. I'm not even saying heartbroken, because losing a friend can cause equal pain, but a solas romanced lavellan ends. up. alone. After all that she went through, after having her personhood erased and being forced into a religion that is not hers, after losing her arm and potentially her clan, she ends the journey of the inquisition standing completely alone overlooking an empire that will never thank her. and added to that, we have—

continued torment: her lover still visits her in dreams and she can't even tell if he's real or her imagination.

Yes, high approval playthroughs are enjoyable and meaningful and as much a valid canon as any. And yes, it's really unfortunate that they limited such a beautiful romance to a specific race and gender in the game. But please, please, stop trying to argue that the friendship narrative is as powerful a storytelling as the romance. And stop treating solavellans like silly fangirls who can't see past their faves. I admit that there are those who are trying to force the romance as the only valid option, but I'm not talking about those, every fandom has its radicals.

This is not an argument of whether romantic is better than platonic or vice versa. And it's not an argument of whether solas cares more for a romanced inquisitor versus a befriended one. He cares deeply in both cases. It's about the fact that, narratively speaking, the romance delivers a far greater impact to the character and the story than the high approval run.

[lasandra]

Super Massive End Game Veilguard Spoilers Under the Cut!

Seriously. If you haven't finished playing Veilguard, DO. NOT. READ. So I finished DA:tV and I have been really trying to sort out my thoughts... And well...

Sdlkajshdfklajhsdfklajhsdflkjahsdklfjhaskldfjhaskldfhj I CAN'T!!! My dudes I am SO conflicted!!! Solas is the only character I have ever come across that I both love to pieces and want the best for him but I also want to beat him until he is a puddle of bruised yolk and cracked shells. This dude KILLED VARRIC FOR REALSIES! I am not okay with that. My Hawke's GOING to hunt him down when she finds out. If the Tevinter Magisters can get into the Black City then dammit so can she. And when she does, I am not sure even Lavellan can save him. Amelia (My Hawke) has lost so many of her friends/family/loved ones she can't handle this anymore. He also killed God's gift to elves Felassan. It's been over a decade since I read The Masked Empire but I don't remember there being a great reason other than him being upset that Felassan failed. Dude has GOT to stop killing his friends lol. Especially the hot ones. Like. Come on. As if that wasn't enough, he manipulated Rook. I love my first Rook (Carwyn de Riva) so much that I am STRUGGLING to play another playthrough with any of the other Rooks I had planned. To see that he manipulated her with blood magic... Stopped her from being able to mourn Varric with the others properly.... AND tricked her into that prison??? He didn't think she'd be able to get out. Luckily she had plot armor because if she hadn't gotten out I would find a way into Thedas to rip him apart myself. *Aggressive breathing noises* I feel very normal about this, obviously. Seriously though, guys, I came THIIIIIIIS close to tricking him with the fake dagger even knowing that Lanaya (my Lavellan) wouldn't have gotten her happy ending. JUST so I could see the LOOK on his face when he realized ROOK outplayed him at his own game! At the SAME time however... The idea of sending him into the Black City alone... hurts me lol! I don't want him to suffer. Dude has suffered a lot and honestly, I'm not entirely sure his being a friend-murdering ass is *entirely his fault... The longer I sit with everything, the more certain I am that Solas didn't really have a choice. Seems very much like he was sort of bound to the will of Mythal. Maybe I've missed something, I'm not as lore-savvy as I once was. But in the end when Mythal tells Solas that she releases him from her service and only THEN (NOT when Lavellan BEGS him to stop) is he willing to do the right thing? I don't know. It just reminded me SO much of his personal quest in Inquisition where his Wisdom Spirit friend had been bound and twisted against its purpose. If it works anything like what we saw in Inquisition with whoever drank from the Well of Sorrows, who's to say when something was him vs the will of Mythal? It could be a bit of a stretch but, there's certainly room for that interpretation, I think. And if that's the case, then he doesn't deserve the hell that awaits him. It's also the only interpretation I can really accept Lanaya still wanting to be with him. Varric was her friend too. While forgiveness is something I give freely, I cannot imagine reconciling with a man who did what Solas did without him having been essentially forced into doing it. *Sighs deeply* I saw the different versions of his endgame images... Shit man. The only way this man gets a happy ending is with Lavellan. Dude looks so miserable and gloomy in all the other endings. Moire (Trevelyan) was Solas' friend. She wouldn't want to send him off to be alone in such a terrible place. That would seriously eat at her. (Rook wouldn't care. Her give a damn was busted after he betrayed her for the twenty-billionth time.) It can never be anything but a complete and utter rollercoaster with this man! I do think that the ending I got with him was as good as it possibly could have been though, given everything. Sorry for this really poorly written rant. I needed to get this out of my system and it's almost 3am lol.

[herearedragons]

Horror tropes quiz

Tagged by @astertataricusblog to take this for my characters. I'm not tagging anyone since I'm pretty sure most of the people I follow already did this.

(the highlighted lines are the ones that fit them the most)

Kyana Amell: the monster

it was not your fault– at first, at least. you can not help being the way you are. and even if you could, would you choose to change? they met you with torches raised and screaming mouths, the only choice you had was to flee. but you will not stay away forever. they whisper your name in fear, and you will make sure you hurt them just as much as they hurt you.

Honestly, she could be the monster in a horror movie. Ever since her magic manifested, she's been feared in one way or another by most people around her, and now she's so used to it that she actively tries to be intimidating. I've been thinking about something kind of related to that. I should probably write that down.

Neilar Lavellan: the lover

love has brought you to this place, and it will not let you leave. fear clutches you, constricts you, and it will have you killed– and yet, it is still no match for the bounty of your heart. you will try as hard as you can to protect the object of your affections. evil is nothing in the face of your warmth. even if you are successful in protecting your lover, that does not guarantee your own survival. your heart has doomed you, but what greater death is there than dying for love?

...I mean, yeah. He's driven by his love for people dear to him, and would sacrifice himself to save them. It's a combination of him just being naturally kind and caring, and being raised in a Dalish clan, where protecting your family, protecting The People, is the highest value. It's kind of ironic that ever since becoming Inquisitor, he's usually the one who ends up needing protection.

[lillotte17]

I posted 721 times in 2022

That's 147 more posts than 2021!

92 posts created (13%)

629 posts reblogged (87%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@lillotte17

@miss-grey

@keturagh

@hawkeshep

@cl0udb3rry

I tagged 661 of my posts in 2022

Only 8% of my posts had no tags

#pretties! - 231 posts

#solas - 69 posts

#solavellan - 57 posts

#lavellan - 47 posts

#rambles - 45 posts

#dragon age - 23 posts

#artwork - 17 posts

#smooches - 17 posts

#dragon age inquistion - 15 posts

#aili lavellan - 15 posts

Longest Tag: 122 characters

#ace so i wouldn't bang any of them but all my lavellan boys are hot and fun and i might have a tiny crush on juniper arley

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Time for another round of: Lotte Thinks Too Hard About Elvhen!

So, I've been standing around in the Exalted Plains for days trying to get all the dialogue I want to trigger to happen (while working on commission stuff. It's weirdly soothing. Like those background nature sound tapes, except every now and then there's NPCs chatting or a wolf attacking you.)

Anyway, we get to that talk between Solas and Sera where she makes the comment about "who wants to think about stepping on dead elves?"

Solas mutters in reply, sounding extremely angry/upset: Din elvhen emma him?

And I swear I thought I had read a translation for that on the wiki somewhere? But it said the meaning was unknown. So, I was trying to work it out myself.

Din- death or end or ending

Elvhen- elves (duh)

Emma- doesn't have a solid translation anywhere, but seems to be possessive. 'Your' or 'our' depending on context. Possibly even 'my', since I'm pretty sure 'Emma lath' was 'my love'?

Him- make/making

He sounded so upset, I thought he was saying some kind of insult/threat aimed at Sera. I'm pretty sure the translation I read before was like, "I'll make you a dead elf." (which in retrospect is not his MO at all. Even when he's furious with other companions, he never threatens to hurt them physically.)

I'm pretty sure the loose translation is actually more like:

"Dead elves of my own making?"

As in "How could I not think about them every place we go, when it's my fault that all of them died?"

And just...oh buddy. 🥺

95 notes - Posted March 12, 2022

#4

See the full post

100 notes - Posted February 1, 2022

#3

*sits down across the table from you and leans across real far *

You know, I love DAI. It is possibly my fave comfort game. Top tear. Very replayable. Lose myself for hours in the Hinterlands fighting bears and have a grand old time.

But the inconsistency with Lavellan and their understanding of Elvhen drives me bonkers.

Like, I get that Ancient Elvhen and Modern Elvhen have to be different. It's impossible for them not to be. Even the Elvhen spoken in the Dales would be different from Ancient Elvhen, because hundreds of years + slavery. Lavellan admits during Trespasser that Dalish cannot read Ancient Elvhen.

It makes sense that Solas can understand Modern Elvhen, because he apparently took the time to learn Qunlat at some point, so one would assume that a language derived from your native tongue would be easier. But it does not make sense that Lavellan swings back and forth between understanding Elvhen perfectly and not having a single clue what he's saying at all.

Lavellan understands the entire conversation he has with Wisdom before it dies. And one would assume it was not speaking Modern Elvhen for the sake of the other people there besides Solas, because it could have just as easily chosen to speak Common.

But later, Lavellan does not seem to understand what he and the Nightmare are saying to each other at all. Likewise, they don't seem to notice the discrepancies between what Solas tells Abelas and what Solas says he told Abelas. And they don't understand the random bits of Elvhen he throws at Sera either.

Like, I dunno about you, but if we were just walking along and my buddy just randomly said that he was responsible for all of the dead elves in Thedas...I think I'd pull over for a bit of a chat, yeah??

The Dalish honestly get so little credit for what they have managed to preserve from almost nothing, tbh. It makes sense that Lavellan wouldn't understand everything Solas says in Ancient Elvhen, but they should almost definitely understand more than a single conversation. At the very least, they should be able to know when he's switching to Ancient Elvhen instead of the modern form the Dalish use. And that by itself should be suspicious af.

(and they should absolutely know more than fucking Morrigan, but that's a whole other kettle of fish)

126 notes - Posted March 20, 2022

#2

See the full post

261 notes - Posted June 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I am definitely half asleep, which should tell you about the quality level of this post straight out the gate, but i was going through my old saves and watching the romance scenes for my different PTs (as one does) and like...

Everyone else has this slow build up to the Love end of things. Some of them don't even get there until Trespasser (looking @ you Dorian- yes yes he feels it but he doesn't say it.) And that's not a complaint! That's normal! You start with affection and attraction and see where it goes, and lbr all of the DA companions have some...Things to work through before nailing down Big Feelings.

And then we have Solas.

One kiss. One (1) singular kiss, and that man is gone. Lost. Sunk. Out to sea. Lost in the Sauce. Flung into the depths.

And I would argue that he's actually gone before that, but that's when he knows it. And he freaks out because 'oh no oh no this is literally the absolute WORST timing for this to happen holy SHIT.'

And he tries to fight it off, or figure out if there is some like...magical mark-induced reason for why he's absolutely banana-grahams for this mortal woman he has only known the tiniest fraction of his impossibly long life, but there isn't one except that he's lonely as fuck and her genuine awesomeness is just apparently the kryptonite to his rational thinking power.

This man, who is so so careful with the way he says everything always just... Once he caves, it is his first admission. In his native tongue, no less, as though he cannot help himself.

I cannot lose you. I love you. You are my heart. I love you, I love you, I love you.

Back in ye olden fandom days, there was a whole bunch of fights about the sincerity of Solas' affections, since he 'lies' and dumps you, but like...things are a mess because this whole-ass man is a mess and he doesn't do anything that is NOT a mess, but just...fucking hell. He has loved her for so long. He doesn't strike me as love-at-first-sight kinda guy, but like I'm giving him like...a month at Haven tops before he's a goner.

Solas is the one who falls first and hardest out of all of them.

552 notes - Posted July 24, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[vivinightingale]

May I please request headcanons of all DA:I companions and advisors realising they are falling in love with a female lavellan rogue inquisitor but don’t want to confess yet. Thank you and have a great day :)

I usually put gifs for each character, but because there are so many I can't :(

Also Dorian's will be male rogue Lavellan for obvious reasons 💕

Also this is my first DA request and I'm hella excited ngl thank you 💕💕💕💕

𝒞𝒶𝓈𝓈𝒶𝓃𝒹𝓇𝒶

It takes awhile for her to realize she is in love with you. She mistakes love for her adoration of you.

Once she realizes she is love with you she both keeps her distance and watch you constantly. At first you think she was starting to hate you.

However when you made eye contact with her, and she quickly turns away trying to hide her blush you knew that wasn't it.

But you don't want to say anything so you patiently wait for her. Though you can't help but call her cute once in awhile.

𝒱𝒶𝓇𝓇𝒾𝒸

Unlike Cassandra he caught on pretty quick. He noticed how he enjoyed you company more then most, preferred hearing your stories form the Alienate, and the countless letter about you to Hawke.

It was honestly all new to him since he thought he would never love someone like he loved bianca.

So he kept it to himself till either it faded or he knew for sure you were the one he truly wanted

Spoilers you were

𝒮𝑜𝓁𝒶𝓈

He realized he loved you when you got to Skyhold. Despite not knowing about magic you were fascinated with the fade, and he would happily indulge you.

So the two of you found yourselves spending countless nights talking about the fade and all its mysteries. He fell for your thirst for knowledge.

However he knew he couldn't. It would make everything harder so he gradually started keeping his distance...even if it hurt him to do so.

𝒮𝑒𝓇𝒶

She doesn't know when it started, but she found herself already head over heels for you. Maybe it's because your weren't so elfy like solas, or how you looked out for the little people more then those up top, or maybe it was the way you treated her like she the best thing in the world??

She doesn't know but what she does know is she doesn't want to lose what she has with you. So until you make the first move she will keep pretending like everything is okay.

Despite the longing gaze she sends your way.

𝒱𝒾𝓋𝒾𝑒𝓃𝓃𝑒

She already know the familiar feeling of love when she watches you dance across the battle field daggers in each hand.

However, she still love her dear sick husband so she simply brushed it aside and interacted with you as usual.

Maybe one day she will tell you, until then she is content with being your friend and watching you from afar.

𝐵𝓁𝒶𝒸𝓀𝓌𝒶𝓁𝓁

When he fell for you he fell hard. From you elegant moves on the battle field, to the way you tussled your hair every now and then.

However he was a man of sin, and didn't wish for you to know or to have the burden. So he simply kept quiet.

The others knew they could see the way he looked at you, but he simply couldn't bring himself to say anything. Maybe....one day.

𝐼𝓇𝑜𝓃 𝐵𝓊𝓁𝓁

He puts no effort into hiding that he wants you. He just doesn't act on it, that's the difference.

He will throw suggestive jokes at you, sly grins, and when he know no one is looking the occasional butt slap. However nothing more that he knows his bounds.

He promised himself when everything was said and done he will talk to you about joining him and his chargers, and maybe be more then friends.

𝒟𝑜𝓇𝒾𝒶𝓃

He was in love with you when you met with him after his confrontation with his father. The look of pure worry, and reassurance in your eyes made his heart skip a beat.

But he knew he couldn't. He had to go back to tevinter to fix it, but maker when your eyes meet his resolves falters.

He will try to hold out for as long as he can, but he can't help his longing eyes that tend to follow you.

𝒞𝑜𝓁𝑒

This poor boy can't making heads or tails of his feelings. Yes he liked to be around you a lot, you had a calming aura. Yes he liked learning new was to attack with dagger, you look beautiful dancing around enemies.

But was that really love? He doesn't know, but he knows he won't say anything till he figures it out. Doesn't mean he won't stick to you like glue.

Maybe he will talk Varric about these feelings. That way he doesn't stutter as much around you when he is trying to tell you something.

𝒞𝓊𝓁𝓁𝑒𝓃

He fell in love with you when try to save the soldiers during Adament. That was the first time you put the soldiers first, but it really hit home when he saw it happen.

He is very very reluctant, especially considering the whole thing the Grey Warden years ago. He tries to act normal around you, but it's hard when you look like something out of his dreams.

He tries to hold out for as long as possible, but maker do you make it difficult.

𝒥𝑜𝓈𝑒𝓅𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑒

She knew she was in love with you when you helped her restore her family. It really had nothing to do with you, but you went out of your way to help her. Maybe you can help her restore it too...

No that's thinking too far ahead. Besides you have showed no sign being intrested in her. So she will simply adore you from afar and hope you will one day say something.

She lowkey doodles little pictures of you when she can't focus on work.

𝐿𝑒𝓁𝒾𝒶𝓃𝒶

She knew she was in love with when you guided her through the aftermath of the conclave. You showed her a way of living she hasn't know in a long time, and for moment she thought she smelled the familiar fragrance of Andraste's grace.

She never says anything because she doesn't know if she ready for it. Was she worthy of your love? Would you love her despite her past? Do you even love her?

For now she will protect you from the shadows. Watching you dance around the battlegrounds like protecting companions. Maybe soon she will tell you how she feels....

[autumnhares]

So after years of saying I’ll play it someday I finally purchased and played through Dragon Age Inquisition. Why did I put it off for so long? That’s a really good question, why do we ever put things off?

I managed to stay, for the most part, spoiler free for the game in that time. I knew Cullen was a favourite romance partner and at first thought that was the way I was going to go in my first play through. Then I started talking with Solas.

I realised very quickly that he is my favourite type of character, and honestly it wasn’t hard for me to get his approval before I started actively trying to get it.

I’d messed up somewhere along the way (I forgot to pick up Sera and Vivian) so I went back to a much earlier save to grab them. In this go around it was all about the Solas romance. Because of that focus I had a hard time with Sera even though I think she’s a hoot, and honestly Vivian is a know-it-all bitch, though I do love her introduction. 

There were sadly too few private moments between Lavellan and Solas after they made out on the balcony. That was disappointing because I knew, KNEW, he was going to break my heart soon. I actually put off moving the story forward because I thought he’d leave the Inquisition once he left Lavellan. Oh no, no, not to worry. He’s going to stick around and hurt my heart every time we interact.

I’d planned to go to Cullen after that, let him heal my heart with his vulnerable love, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. My Lavellan loved Solas completely. She understood him, that he wasn’t hurting her because he wanted to, but because he felt he had to. That some great secret he couldn’t share made it unfair for him to continue like this.

I mentioned this is my favourite character type. A trickster, old, knowledgeable, secretive, the friend and enemy of all. He was a “god”, I’d guessed as much along the way. Once Fen’harel was mentioned in game with lore dumps, I was like “Yeah, that’s probably him.”

I didn’t know how much he’d kept from my Lavellen, of course, but I wasn’t surprised when it turned out he knew Flemeth, though I was surprised he took her power after berating Lavellen for taking the power of the well. (I still wonder if that means Solas has control of Lavellan now if he wanted)

By now I had of course seen images of Solas dressed if armor I’d never given to him. I’d managed not to watch any of the video’s YouTube was recommending. I’d been putting off the ending, but I was desperate to know how this love story ended, would I get to choose to run away with Solas? I did the ending, it was fantastic, but Solas was devastated by the destruction of the orb, and then he left without a word of goodbye. 

I stood alone on my balcony, watching the sunrise, wondering if he was watching it where he was too.

Then I began Trespasser.

Lavellan was tired, the demands over the last few years keeping her busy, while the nobility slowly forgot what she’d done for them. I imagine nightmares were a constant companion. When Cassandra asked her if she was getting married, she was confused, but admitted she’d thought about it, even though there was no one new since Solas.

Let’s fast forward to the very end and the final meeting. I chose to try to save him, but if they’d given the option, my Lavellan would have gone with him. I still think that should have been an option, but probably wouldn’t work for the game. And in the end, the way it ends is a little more bitter sweet. He loves Lavellan so much that he can’t bear for her hands to be stained like he believes his have to be.

And here’s the thing, I don’t think he’s wrong. I think the Veil does have to come down. I just think there might be a better way.

I don’t know, I got a lot of theories now. 

[ohsweetflips]

5, 6, 17, and 25 !!

5) Is your inquisitor jealous that both the warden and Hawke have a mabari hound? 

actually my inquisitor is a cat person!! he doesn’t Mind dogs and does find them very cute/fun but, the bigger the dog, the more nervous he is, so mabari at first make him a bit......... on edge omg

6) What would they think of each other’s combat skills/techniques?

my warden (electra surana), hawke (dani hawke), and inquisitor (camris lavellan) all think that each other is great omg

i have Deeper Lore about my surana and lavellan (in my canon, they’re first cousins but don’t know about each other till inquisition-era) and i like to think that my warden and hawke have met before, but my hawke specifically really vibes with my inquisitor and i always liked the thought of her taking him under her wing, especially bc he reminds her of herself before uhhhh bad shit started happening, so she’s very much like “okay i am making it my personal responsibility to not let him end up like me”

but when the three of them are all together (bc i do headcanon that my warden comes back from finding the cure for the calling), it is a trifecta of respect and them just messing around A Lot with their magic

17) If Origins and Inquisition had the 3 personalities (Diplomatic, Sarcastic, Aggressive) which would your warden and inquisitor have predominately been? And what one did your Hawke have?

i am a creature of habit so all my heroes end up in the sarcastic wheelhouse akjdskjsdjk, hawke is sarcastic with some aggressive leanings by act 3, camris is sarcastic with diplomatic tendencies, and i see my warden as diplomatic with biiiig sarcastic leanings!!    25) What is/was their relationship with their family like?

my surana’s family canon is........... Complicated especially bc in my canon, my lavellans and my suranas are first cousins (both their dads are/were dalish twin brothers but my suranas’ father was exiled for a situation that fell somewhere between merrill and anders’ situations) and, by origins, the only surviving suranas are my warden, electra, and her younger sister, kira, and because, up until post-inquisition, they were each other’s only family, they would basically do anything for each other and would go to the ends of the earth to keep each other safe, even if sometimes their personalities clash (electra is much more keen to finding the positive in a situation, while kira is much more jaded over what they have been through)

by the end of da2, the only family my hawke has left is carver, so i like to think that, after the final battle, the two of them really worked on actually bettering their relationship bc they’re all each other has left. my hawke misses her sister terribly and honestly still blames herself for bethany’s death. i have......................... complicated feelings on leandra and, to avoid getting too deep and also morbid, i see hawke’s feelings on her mother very much “i loved my mother and i miss her and i blame myself for what happened but i also have this lingering hurt and anger because of everything she put on me and, sometimes, what hurts the most is that i will never be able to resolve this pain”

I LOVE MY LAVELLAN’S FAMILY my primary inquisitor is camris, and my secondary inquisitor is adaranni, his older sister, who’s like one of his best friends!! tbh once again i’m kinda glossing over the full extent of canon bc then i could get into the lore i have for my inquisitor’s parents, especially with the whole exiled-brother-situation, but basically love and acceptance and support is stored in my lavellan’s family <3

[ghostwise]

🌼, 🌲, and 🍁for renata? 👀

🌼 Who are this characters friends and found family? How did they meet, how long have they been friends for, could they ever be something more than just friends? What do they look for in a friend or a romantic partner?

Ren is so easygoing, she really won't bother with a friendship or a relationship that feels like it doesn't fit. If there's no spark, there's no spark, and that's fine! But I honestly feel that DA2 is the exact definition of found family. That mansion winds up feeling nice and cozy with everyone being around at all hours of the day. Full answers are under the cut, since it got really long :)

Merrill: She met Merrill just a few weeks after arriving in Kirkwall, and because they were both still reeling from the Blight, and from having to flee the only home they'd ever known, she found a lot of comfort in sharing the experience with someone. They learned their way around town together! Getting lost isn't as much of a crisis when you're with a friend after all. Merrill also used what she knew about healing magic to help Bethany recover from her traumatic injury after her encounter with the ogre darkspawn. They grow much closer after Ren returns from the Deep Roads. (Absence makes the heart grow fonder, makes Merrill realize that Kirkwall isn’t Kirkwall without Hawke~)

Varric: They met during her first few months in Kirkwall and immediately clicked. The joking around, the unconditional love and support, it just came naturally to them. They're platonic soulmates that bring out the shenanigans in each other, to the point that most people that meet them think they're an item. Eventually Varric discreetly pays off the debt Hawke's family owed the smugglers that helped them enter Kirkwall with falsified documents. She always suspects, but she never brings it up...

Anders: Ren met Anders a couple of years later, when he first set up his clinic. Because Bethany was still experiencing symptoms from her injury, Anders was able to perform more effective healing magic. Thanks to this, Bethany was left with nothing but light sensitivity as a symptom, and began working in the clinic, gaining confidence in her abilities as a mage. It's mage solidarity babes. He’s super protective of the whole bunch, and Ren jokingly calls him the ‘family physician.’

(Anders was actually Renata's canon LI for the longest time, and I do still love his romance! But I can only take so much of the 'im bad for you, ill hurt you, we shouldnt’ shit. Realistically, Ren would back off at the first rebuff. Since Blackwall is my Lavellan's LI and has a similar dynamic, I was like, ok, one of these sad lying white bois has got 2 go...)

Isabela: Ren met Isabela a few months before leaving for the Deep Roads, which made for odd timing. Though they got on well, there were a few weeks where everyone thought they weren't coming back; so for Isabela that led to some uncomfortable grief. They hadn't grown particularly close. When Renata and Varric finally returned, it was like someone coming back from the dead. Over time they built a friendship that is easygoing and gentle. Like a calm sea.

Fenris: I think their friendship was the slowest to develop, simply because Fenris is so wary of forming close relationships. He doesn't want to hurt people, and he doesn't want to be hurt by magic. Ren isn't one to push boundaries. Surprisingly, this means it's actually Bethany who connects with him first.

Ren was very much like... "I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I'm here if you need to talk, and I care about you". Bethany was the one popping in like "I brought you cookies! Yes I know I wasn't invited. You should come over, Isabela's reading pornography in an Orlesian accent."

By the by? Fenris LOVES Leandra. He spends more time sipping tea with her and chatting than running around fighting giant spiders with Varric and Ren. Understandable, I suppose.

She’s also close with Feynriel, Bodahn, Sandal, and Keeva (OC).

TLDR: fambily

I love them to pieces, so from a writing standpoint, I feel like I'm barely scratching the surface in terms of exploring their relationship dynamics.

🌲 How deeply does your OC feel? Are they typically empathetic or do they have a hard time connecting with others in this way? What are they like when offering support and comfort to someone they care for?

Answered this one here! :)

🍁 Where does your OC go when they need to have some time to themself? Would they ever have their own “comfort corner” filled with all the things they like? Do they have a favourite spot outside that feels like its theirs and theirs alone?

They spend a year crammed into Gamlen's one-bedroom Lowtown apartment, and Hawke doesn't even want to go home at the end of the day. Eventually the family earns enough that they can move out to a two-bedroom apartment, and though she still has to share a room with her mother, at least there's some space to breathe. When they move to Hightown her balcony becomes her favorite place in the world: sunlight, plants, books, and enough space to bring a few friends in there for a drink!

Varric’s suite at the Hanged Man is a close second. The first night back from the Deep Roads, that’s where the whole family piled in to sleep; no one slept alone. It was the moment she realized she had some truly special people in her life.

[magneticmage]

Unwritten Fic Excerpts

Tooootally not procrastinating on properly writing.

Under cut for length

Ransley Trevelyan stared at the map of Skyhold in front of him. This fortress was....huge. and well-built to have lasted through so many Ages and hands. He had the faintest feeling that the Inquisition would only be one of the many rulers to stay here for a time, not the last.

Still, there was still much work to be done.

"The gardens would be lovely for a Chantry chapel," He remarked, fingers skimming that section of the map.

"Don't we have enough Chantry idolatry everywhere?" Paeriel Lavellan remarked. Her temper was rather sour towards him on the best of days it seemed, and the various discussions of how to rebuild the fortress were quickly proving to be drawing towards yet another face-off between them.

Lucky for them, Armashok Adaar and Naranka Cadash held more level heads.

Naranka set her tankard of dwarven ale down, "Look, we need to get something done today. It's been four hours of the two of you bickering back and forth. I'm tired of it."

Armashok sighed and scratched the chipped base of his right horn. The scars along his neck and face made his already towering physique even more intimidating. His voice was calm and collected, "Paeriel has a point though. Not all follow the Chantry's teachings nor that if their Maker and his Bride, Andraste. The Dalish have their Creators, the Avvar their gods, the Dwarves their Stone, and my people have the Qun."

"The Qun that brainwashed people." Ransley scowled, "That attacked Kirkwall and Ostwick not too long ago."

"How long ago was the last time the elves were killed by humans?" Paeriel's green eyes flashed towards the human noble faster than her arrows, "Oh, wait, it hasn't even been a year."

Naranka sighed and let her chin slump into her hand, "Can we get past the whole 'your people killed my people in whatever conflict in whatever year slash event', please? The Inquisition is supposed to be a show of unity against Cory-piss-pants and if we can't all pretend to agree agree get along, how are we going to expect our people to? Haven taught us to expect disaster. Skyhold is a chance to show that preparation and strength. Let's not squander it."

The human and elf fell silent and looked away from each other, appropriately chagrined. Damn Carta thug had a point. Ex-Carta, Ransley tried to remind himself. She was right. Theda was falling apart because of old grudges and they would need to put their own aside in order to do what was needed for the good of everyone.

He scrubbed at his face, trying to scrape off the frown that has etched itself into his brow the past few days, "Okay. What do you suggest?"

"We expand the eastern gardens and their greenhouses a bit to allow a greater number of plants. In addition to the amount we all keep in our rooms and have hanging around the halls, it should be enough for whatever we need. It might cut into our supplies for the kitchen but I'm fairly sure we can make the revenue up in some other way," Naranka remarked. Her dark eyes turned to Paeriel, "That satisfies your garden request, yes?"

"I suppose." She remarked, "It's smaller than the western area, but it is closer to my rooms so that should be enough."

"As for Ransley wanting a Chantry chapel, I can't say I'm enthused about it either." Naranka paused and took a long draught of her drink and wiped her mouth on her sleeve, "But it does pacify quite a few complaints we've already had, I suppose."

"And raises others." Ransley rolled his eyes to the stack of letters to the left. All demands for equal representation. It wasn't that he didn't approve of all the changes. It was just...so very different from what he was used to that it made him uncomfortable. Perhaps...that was why the others acted the way they did? They all missed home as much as he did and wanted to bring a piece of it with them. He would need to think harder on this. Perhaps Naranka's initial assessment that he was used to the world making way for him had some merit.

"We could make it a multi-faith chapel of sorts. A place for religious debate and ethics and philosophy. We could put a lyrium-infused statue of a Paragon or two in the garden main path, alongside the statue of Andraste that I saw someone bringing in the other day. We could have some trees and wayshrines and such for the Qunari and Dalish. It might take some work getting everything to fit and flow together but I'm sure Josephine could find a group of people to handle it. She's not failed us yet. " Armashok pressed his thumb into the soft center of his palm and rubbed small circles. The Anchor on their hands flared irritably under the abrupt pressure before it settled. "Will that do?"

"Yes." Ransley combed his fingers through his hair, "So, what say we take a lunch break and then move on to the next section? The outer walls, right?"

"No. No more breaks." Naranka slammed her hands down on the war table. Armashok's drink fell of the table and shattered, scattering glass across the floor. Luckily Ransley managed to save both the Dwarf and his own drinks from ruining the maps and papers with their contents. A quick glance across saw Paeriel setting down her tea on a nearby seat.

"Bit much, don't you think?"He quipped.

That earned him a frustrated glare, "I'm sorry, Lord Trevelyan, but don't you think running off to smooch Cassandra every four hours is a 'bit much'?"

He felt heat fold across his cheeks and stammered out a protest that sounded weak even to his own ears. Armashok rubbed his temple, "We can break after we get this last section done for today. Now the outer walls or the aqueducts? What do we repair first?"

"The aqueducts will provide fresh water for us through its use of fire runes and the ice run off from melting the snow banks. I'm not sure if the indoor plumbing has held up all these years, though," Naranka said, pulling out the relevant files.

"It has in most places. We'll still need to bring in either a dwarven or Tevinter architect to double check the quality though," Ransley said. He gestured at one of the areas marked in red, "It'll be more costly to repair and it will delay us fixing the outer walls on time if we are attacked during then, though."

Paeriel grimaced, her own hand reaching for the Anchor as another minor pulse raced through them, "Honestly, I would much rather have clean drinking water with working plumbing than working outer walls at the moment."

"Even after what happened at Haven?" Naranka's brow rose, "You have to be kidding me, Pae! You don't let the spawn in through a crackand the wonder why you have an ogre breathing down your neck!"

Armashok scratched at his horns again, "Safety is more important right now. We can fix the water issue once we get more established. For now, we need to make sure our people feel safe after Haven's destruction."

Paeriel sighed and leaned forward on her hands, "If I can call in a few favors and have someone work on it so long as they get food and shelter, it should be fine, right?"

Ransley arched a brow, "What kind of contacts do you have, Lavellan?"

"Not exactly my favorite people," She looked away as if ashamed. One more mystery to this woman. No wonder her and Solas got along so well. The two of them seemed wrapped up in their own world of ancient secrets and old ties. How someone so young managed to have so many secrets was beyond him.

"These people...any rules for hiring them? What's the catch?" Naranka folded her arms.

Paeriel tossed her head back and laughed, "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Try me."

She sighed and spread her hands to either side, "I ran with a group of vengeance hunters called the Knives of Plenty for a time."

"Isn't that the group of former city elves that used the sewers and alleys and other dark places to attack and kill human nobles for abusing their servants?" Armashok asked, "Their services could be bought, but only if you could prove that they were hurting their people. Really worth the coin for some info they could get, though. If memory serves me right."

Paeriel nodded, "Yes. They were primarily city elves, but there were disillusioned Dalish and elven mages seeking Refuge. They even took in elf-blooded humans who shared their cause, as they as as much elven as they are human."

Ransley held up his hands, "Wait a second here! You want us to enlist terrorists to fix our plumbing? And you were one of them? They killed people like us!"

The three of nonhumans exchanged a look between themselves, as if silently daring each other. Naranka cleared her throat, "I should point out, they only targeted human people like you. But you haven't harmed any elves, have you, Ransley?"

"Of course not!" He frowned at them, "This still doesn't explain how they are going to fix the pipes, though."

Paeriel rolled her eyes, "Many of them used to have regular jobs before they were pushed too far. More than half of them worked in tight quarters and bad conditions. This will be a lot safer than their old jobs, they get food and shelter, and a place to feel accepted. We get our pipes and our walls fixed. It's a win-win."

"Plus, we get some good PR for 'reforming crimminals'," Armashok chuckled with his hands making gestures of sarcasm, "How does this go bad?"

"Let's just say I had a rough break with their leader when I left and they will need a lot of convincing to join up." Paeriel leaned forward into her knuckles and looked at the table.

Naranka scratched her head, but nodded her agreement, "Who here doesn't have a dark history of some kind?"

Ransley sighed and looked over at the Dalish. Perhaps, it was time to put grudges aside and try and open up the sheltered walls he had lived in. These three could help him move past the echo chamber he had grown up in. He cleared his throat and set the cups in his hands down, "Tell us about it."

[high5nerd]

Why Sera shouldn’t be a hated character

Omg omg omg I’m so excited, this is my first rant on tumblr! *deep breath*

Okay. Dragon Age. At any point in your game, your Inquisitor is faced with the raspberry blowing, arrow toting Sera that has the mindset of a 12 year old child.

Honestly? I don’t know why people don’t recruit her, but I can understand the struggle to like her. My feelings on her fluctuate throughout the game. I play as Lavellan and I get really angry the more she beats the dead horse by her constant barrage of racist remarks towards the Dalish to either me, Solas, or any other elven NPC in the vicinity.

She’s toxic as shit. She’s got so much emotional baggage she dumps it on others, and she lives by her prejudices against mages and elves.

At first.

It wasn’t until I reach her personal quest scene where she discovers that asshole noble from Virchel that killed her Red Jenny friends to get to her. The absolute, sheer rage at the loss of her friends was...it left me kind of floored. Because in the beginning up until this point, Sera only makes comments about how she’ll give Red Jenny information to the Inquisition so the sky can be fixed and she can “go back and play.” But at this particular moment? You see she cares about her contacts and even more, the cause of the Red Jennies, than just business usually is. She’s hurt, she’s infuriated, and you can hear her voice break at the end when she realizes how many died at the hands of the Virchel noble without him even feeling remotely guilty.

So of course I let her kill him.

If you continue down a path of good charity work to NPCs throughout the game, Sera approves every time. Sera approves if you help her in aiding the “little people.” Sera also greatly approves if you let Blackwall stay if you banish the Grey Wardens, because she knows a good man when she sees one.

She still can be an asshole. I hate how she talks to Cole, and I hate how disrespectful she is to Solas’ and my inquisitor’s background. But as she slowly opens up, she’s not as bad of a character that she wants to make herself out to be.

But let’s spin this around a bit, at this point I’m just rambling about awesome writing and 3-dimensional character development. You want a character to hate with every fiber of your being? A character that’s extremely toxic and an actual piece of shit? A character that isn’t an obvious villain but sure seems like one at the way she treats others?

You ready for this?

Bianca Davri.

This. Bitch.

Not only does she keep Varric attached to her on a leash (with his own actions too, not saying she’s 100% doing it), but she’s the reason Corypheus has red lyrium to begin with. She’s the reason Varric has assassins come after him if they’re not 500 leagues apart.

Bianca likes to boast that she’s a better shot than Varric, and a whole lot smarter than everyone else, all behind a very flirty facade. Varric mentions in the game dialogue that the guild was considering making her a Paragon for a machine she made, and she brushes it off. But think about it. If she’s such a genius that she’s not only a better marksman than Varric and the guild is even remotely discussing the idea of a surfacer Paragon (even at her cynicism) and is a brilliant merchant as well, why was she so dumb enough to recruit Lorias, a Grey Warden partnered with Corypheus, without any background checks? She’s on the surface, she would’ve heard by then that the Grey Wardens were banished/joined the Inquisition sooner than later, and she definitely would have heard what happened at Adamant and have been cautious. If she really wanted to study the effects of red lyrium and how it works, she should have contacted the Inquisition.

But she didn’t. 

Not only does she fail in her case and her study, but while knowing the truth of the damage she’s caused, she continues to lie to both the Inquisitor AND Varric, someone she claims she loves, until Varric and/or the Inquisitor catches on. She gets defensive, every step of the way, not even once coming clean about her huge mistake. If she told the truth sooner, the emotional blowout at the end would’ve been lessened.

Despite the rules made against her and Varric, she continues to endanger his life by seeking him out, hence the beginning of Varric’s personal quest. She’s a married woman and is going behind her husband’s back to see him (which like, I get, it was a betrothal that wasn’t made on her end but at the same time like maybe stop putting Varric in danger just because you can’t keep it in your own pants??) Her family constantly sends assassins after Varric, and in some of the dialogue of Varric’s personal quest, you hear that she attended her own wedding, “one that she actually showed up for.” Meaning she LEFT HIM AT THE ALTAR.

So this emotionally abusive woman has now gotten defensive at Varric and the Inquisitor getting angry at her being the leak to Corypheus. Sure, she didn’t DIRECTLY send it to him and his Venatori, but she may as well have, because she continued to lie and put everyone in danger. At being confronted and her half apologies didn’t work, she begins to insult Varric, calling him a coward and weak.

Oh, yeah. Wow. Great apology.

In the end, Varric leaves in the most dignified way telling her Bogdin is probably looking for her, reminding her that they aren’t a thing as much as she likes to pretend they are. Even if your Inquisitor defends her, Varric, or neither of them because of the bickering, she threatens the Inquisitor physical harm before she leaves if “you get Varric killed.”

Wow. What a charmer.

Seriously, I really hope Varric is romanceable in the next game, because Bianca doesn’t deserve him. 

All in all, Sera is just a tough-to-swallow character that needs to have barriers broken down in order to like her, and Bianca is a Mega Bitch we all avoid in real life.

[fenharel-babe]

For Evermore...

Solas x Lavellan.

Solavellan timeee. I was listening to “Evermore” from the new Beauty and The Beast movie and I LOVE IT and I see Solas in it,,,and the movie isn’t ‘new’ but ya know what I mean. Enjoy :)). 

“I was the one who had it all. I was the master of my fate.”

He had it all in his hands. He is the one who controls his fate, controls is actions, his choices, and his heart. But things change. Things always change in life. And Solas learned that once again, but not in the way he thought he would.

He honestly didn’t expect his opinions to change or his views to change, but they did. Everything changed when he met the Herald of Andraste, the chosen on, the savior to everyone, or as he saw her, Bloom Lavellan. 

“I never needed anybody in my life. I learned the truth...too late.”

And he felt things change. Not at once, but slowly. He began to like to be near her, he admired her for caring for everyone, because oh did she care for everyone. A man was a widow and he couldn’t go to his wife’s grave and put flowers, but Bloom offered to do it for him, and Solas didn’t expect her to do it, but she did. She dragged herself up all the way to the grave, all with a smile and happy conversations, and laid the flowers to rest. And when the scouts went missing, she put all her energy into finding them. She spent a few late nights up and he only knew because she told him. There were times when she went to the Rotunda and wanted to hear his stories. She always was out there but when she came to Solas one on one, she was a little anxious, and so was he. He didn’t understand why at first, but he slowly began to understand why. 

He began to fall in love with her. He realized it in many different ways, or he felt like he loved her and pushed it away until he couldn’t anymore. He told her the last story he could tell her one night, and he realized he loved her. Well, not then, but the day after. It’s because she became busy after that day and she still came to him. He was up late at night, painting, and she always came to visit him. She visited all her friends, but she stayed a lot longer with him. And sometimes...she fell asleep on the couch, and when she did he couldn’t help but look at her a lot longer than he should. He just couldn’t get over the way she looked. She was peaceful, her fire was blazing hot, yet she was cool and calm. He would stop painting and find a blanket he would use when he slept, and put it over her body, slowly trying not to wake her. And that’s when he began to believe he loved her. However, he pushed it away and kept going on.

And then when she was injured when closing a rift. She was hit by the demons before that, but closing the rift was the last straw. She passed out as it closed and Solas turned around and saw her hit the ground, and then his heart dropped to his stomach. He knew she wasn’t dead, she was too strong for that, but he still worried. He went to her immediately, all sounds stopping except the sound of his heart beat sky rocketing. When he finally got to her, he picked her up and took her to the nearest camp site, not caring that he was a little rough when he said, “We’re done for that day.” He rushed her back to the camp, almost forgetting about his companions, and he felt so lucky that there were no demons in sight, the rifts wll close because of her hard work. And her heat also comforted him. When she was hot, she was alive. She was always hot, always alive, and fighting for her life, and he hopes she keeps fighting now.

And she did. When they got back to the camp, he poured basicallt all his magic into healing her, and after a few hours of pacing back and forth outside her tent, reading a book (even if he wasn’t really), and eventually sitting in her tent with her, she opened her eyes and the tent got hotter. And he realized he loved her, but pushed it away. Again.

And then when he met her on the balcony and when his lips touched his again, and when she came to the Rotunda before she went to a place without him and gave him a kiss on the cheek, and when she asked him to spend one night in her room, not doing anything but enjoying each other’s presence, and when he joined her and told her stories and listened to her own. It all lead up to him holding her in his arms, she clutching on to his arms, feeling her hands on his bare skin, keeping her cold and happy, and seeing her face looking peaceful and knowing he put it there.

“I love her,” he told himself and he kept repeating it. It sounded weird until it didn’t and he enjoyed loving her. But when he finally remembered his mission, it came crashing down. He was going to destroy the world, which meant he’d destroy her. And his heart ached at the thought, so he held her tight whenever he could, and realized it’s too late. He’s met the love he truly loves...but it’s too late.

“I’ll never shake away the pain. I close my eyes but she’s still there.”

As he watches her turn to everyone to say they’ve won, his heart cracks with each step he takes away, but he turns away from her, he has to. However, he stops and takes one last look at her. He can’t help it. He has to look at her one. More. Time. And he does, but he still walks away with his feet feeling like he’s walking through mud. And when he found his hideout, he instantly made his agents watch her. He couldn’t be there physically, but he will make sure she is safe. And when he sees her in the fade, he wants to see her. He wants to go to her and hold her until it hurts, kiss her until they both are breathless, but he can’t. He won’t give in that easy.

Yet, when he’s not even in the fade, he thinks of her. Whenever he sets his eyes on anything blue, he remembers her bright blue eyes and how her favorite color was blue, and he can’t stop seeing her. But he doesn’t want to. He’d gladly think about her for the rest of his sad life.

“I rage against the trials of love. I curse the fading of the light.”

But he shouldn’t love her. He shouldn’t. He told himself he wouldn’t fall for her, or anyone, but here he was thinking of her whenever he was alone. Because of this, he buried himself in his work. Almost to the point where his own workers got worried for him, but he just told them not to worry. He was trying to get his mind off of something.

Well, someone.

“Though she’s already flown so far beyond my reach, she’s never out of sight.”

She has done so many things. So many things he can be proud of. She has saved many people, defeated Alexius, defeated the demon in the fade, even made it into the fade, saved Celene, made Skyhold her home, and she defeated Corypheus. How could he not be proud of her? She’s always busy and doing work, it’s what his agents tell him, and he may not be there with her, but she’s never out of his sight. He always has people watching on her, making sure she’s safe, and at night he joins her in the fade. When she noticed he was there that one time, she never forgot it. She always calls out to him in the night, but he can’t reply. He can’t give in, he won’t, but he wishes he can. However, just being able to see her makes a tiny spark of happiness light up in his heart.

“Now I know she’ll never leave me. Even as she runs away. She will still torment me, calm me, hurt me, move me...come what may.”

With everything he does, he thinks of what she would say. When she found out he was the Dread Wolf, she didn’t seem afraid of him. She still smiled at him and still told him that she loves him, and he loves her. He couldn’t deny it at this point. It had been two years of aching and longing, and he’s not an idiot. He knows that it’s love. And whenever he gets angry, he remembers when he found his spirit friend and the mages that hurt them. He was angry and was going to kill them, but Bloom grabbed his arm and when he looked at her, he saw a worried look. 

“Solas. Don’t.”

And as he mourned on his own and even now those words echo in his head. She calms him, yet hurts him when he remembers her, and she gives him hope, but he doesn’t like it. She is strong and stubborn, he learned this when he first met her, so he doesn’t expect her to give up. It strives him to hope and to be just like her, even if their desires are separate things.

“Wasting in my lonely tower...waiting by an open door. I’ll fool myself, she’ll walk right in.”

Every night there is something inside of him that wishes the door will open and she will be there. In her clothes she wore when she walked around Skyhold, her hair down and looking a little tangly, and wearing a smile on her face. He knows it will never happen, it never could. If she ever came here, she’d want to kill him, and he sees why, and part of him thinks he would let her. He is a fool to think he wouldn’t love her, a fool to always push it away, and he’s a fool for thinking he would be fine without her.

“And as the long, long nights begin. I’ll think all of that might have been. Waiting here for Evermore.”

And as he looks her in the Fade, and seeing her looking around for him, he thinks of everything that could’ve been. They could be happy, he could help her with the Inquisition, he could’ve told her everything he felt for her. No sliver or half, everything. But now he has to stand here and watch her as she begs for him to come to her, to come home, and how they can fix this.

He has to watch and deal with his choices for all his life. For evermore. 

Alright! That’s it! I hope you liked it. I have a few more fics coming, 2 of them will be sooner because the other is so difficult. Anyways yeah love y’all💙. 

[pikapeppa]

Abelas/Lavellan angst: The Knife Again In My Soul

Thank you, @midnightprelude​ and @contreparry​. ❤️ For @dadrunkwriting​ Friday.

Read on AO3 instead. ~2000 words.

*****************************

He never said it when they were together.

It was not because Abelas didn’t have the chance. There were a multitude of moments when he could have told Athera that he loved her. Now that they are apart, with Abelas following faithfully at Fen’Harel’s side while Athera does her best to unravel their plans from afar, the memories of those many lost moments torture him during the times when there is nothing else to occupy his mind. 

He could have said it when they were eating those tiny Orlesian cakes in the kitchen at Tarasyl’an Te’las. Her smile was secretive when she removed the cover from the platter of cakes, and the way she popped each whole cake in her mouth was endearingly common. He loved Athera, with her mischievous smile and the way she teased Solas for having a sweet tooth when she herself harboured a fiendish fondness for sugar. 

But he didn’t tell her so.

He could have said it during one of the blissful and too-few times that they were making love. Abelas hadn’t been touched this way in over a thousand years, and Athera had all the eagerness and energy of youth, and the way they came together was… fenedhis, it was better than anything his vast and melancholy morass of memories could conjure. She arched into his fingers and his tongue in a way that made him feel so incredibly wanted, and she gave herself to him so completely, pouring a potent combination of emotion and desire into every kiss and every arching thrust as she brought herself down against his hips. He loved Athera, loved the heat of her tongue and the taste of the nectar between her legs and the sweet feeling of sinking inside of her. 

But he didn’t tell her so.

He could have said it the last time he saw her in a dream, after Fen’Harel had taken the mark from her ill-fated arm. He should have said it then; it was their last chance, and both of them knew it. He should have said it before she woke, before the Fade faded away from her and stole her from his grasp. He loved Athera, loved her conviction and her commitment to her duty and how gently she touched him despite the barrier of their opposing goals.

But he didn’t tell her so. And now it is too late. 

It has been a year since Abelas last saw Athera, and still he thinks of her late at night in those quiet and desolate moments when he lies on his pallet with nothing else to do. He thinks of her, running over the memories of their too-brief time together, and he thinks of how he loves her and how she never knew.

It is on one of these lonely nights that he visits Tarasyl’an Te’las in a dream. The Dread Wolf’s old stronghold is empty once again, abandoned shortly after Fen’Harel revealed himself to Athera. As per Fen’Harel’s extensive network of agents, the Inquisition now operates as a series of connected cells in disparate places across the continent, and Abelas knows that Fen’Harel both approves of the Inquisition’s decentralization and pities their attempts to keep up with him. 

Abelas can’t decide how he feels about this mixture of approval and pity. But he knows that Athera would be angry if she knew of her former best friend’s pity, and this is enough to make his heart ache.

He treads softly through the fortress in his dream, nodding graciously to the many spirits that hover here and skimming over the memories that are stored in the ancient stones. He soon finds himself in her bedroom — the bedroom that she shared with him during the precious handful of nights they spent together. It is his intention to sink into the memories here, to torture himself by gorging on the moments of their love that have sunk into this sacred space. 

But the room is already occupied by spirits, and they are gathered around the writing desk.

Curious, Abelas approaches the desk, then stops short in shock: there are three letters on the desk, and the letters are made of parchment. Mundane parchment from her world, which has somehow found its way into the Fade. 

Even more shocking is the fact that the letters are addressed to him – addressed in her large and loopy handwriting. 

His pulse is pounding in his ears. Numbly, carefully, he picks the first letter up. It is dated Drakonis 16: nine months ago. 

Abelas,

I wonder if this will get to you? I honestly have no idea. I burned this letter in a veilfire torch as an experiment. Solas Your precious friend Fen’Harel said veilfire straddles our world and the Fade, so I figured, what’s the harm? Worse comes to worst, I wrote and burned a letter. It’ll hardly be the craziest thing I’ve ever done. Actually, it’s probably better if this doesn’t get to you. I just hope it doesn’t pop into the Fade on some poor unsuspecting spirit’s head.

I wonder how you are. I’m doing great. I just realized I can’t tell you anything else about what I’m doing because you’ll just take it back to fucking Fen’Harel. I hate miss you.

Since I can’t tell you anything meaningful, here are some random thoughts instead.

Deep mushroom is terrible on cakes and in tea. Don’t trust Orlesian tastes.

Why are there so many words for the colour blue? Cerulean, navy, midnight, ocean, sky, indigo… are there this many words for colours in old Elvhen? I bet there are even more. Elvhen seems tricky that way.

What would happen if I cut my hair? Would the voices from the Vir’Abelasan stop making my hair dance around in my dreams? Probably not. Either way, I’m thinking about cutting my hair.

I’m reading ‘This Shit Is Weird’ again for nostalgia reasons and I love the way Varric portrayed Blackwall Thom. He’s such a romantic hero, and Varric got him pegged. I swear that even Cassandra swoons over it.

Crystal grace is my favourite flower. Did I ever tell you that? It’s so pretty.

That’s all I can think of for now. 

Love, Athera

There are splotches in the ink on the second half of the letter, like the echoes of teardrops on the parchment, and Abelas can’t breathe. It feels like there is a vice compressing his ribs.

He picks up the second letter. It is dated from five months ago.

Dear Abelas,

Some more random thoughts.

Who do you think was the first person who looked at a nug and thought, ‘you know what I should do? Breed this little creature to be huge so I can ride it into battle.’ Who did that? Who thought that was a good idea? I love nuggalopes, don’t get me wrong, but still. They’re sort of obscene.

The Grand Tourney is quite fun to watch. Thom and Varric brought me to see it. It’s basically this big sparring competition that happens in the Free Marches. I would never have gone before the Inquisition because, you know, Dalish. So I guess that’s something nice that’s come out of this.

Sometimes I lie awake in the middle of the night and wonder what it would feel like if I just stopped breathing. If I just held my breath and didn’t

I talked Dorian into reading sections of ‘Swords and Shields’ to me at night through the sending crystal when I can’t sleep. It’s so funny that I swear I can’t breathe from laughing by the time he finishes a page. Maevaris must think he’s gone mad.

Love, Athera

Abelas wipes his face and picks up the third and final letter. It is dated from two months ago.

Abelas,

Some random thoughts:

Here are some of the many words for red: carmine, scarlet, blood, ruby, pomegranate, tomato, cherry – no, now I’m just listing foods. I must be hungry.

Isn’t it strange how some grass feels nice and soft under your feet, and some grass is pokey and it just tickles you? Grass is strange. All plants are strange, really. (I am not high, I promise.)

I managed to land a hit on Thom the other day when he was training me with a sword and the shield for my missing arm. Considering that I’m all unbalanced, I’d say that’s pretty damn good.

I love you. I hate that I love you. I hate that I still fucking miss you. I thought about asking Cole to make me forget you before he went back to the Fade, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask. I should have. I wonder if he would have done it.

Love, Athera

He stares numbly at the letters. He should take them to Fen’Harel. There may be clues in these letters, hints about the Inquisition’s activity that Solas will be able to pick out due to familiarity with its people. Besides, it is important for Fen’Harel to know that burning an item in veilfire sends it to the Fade. Perhaps he is already aware, but it is something that Abelas didn’t know; there is still much he doesn’t fully understand about the way the deadened world interacts with the potency of the Fade. 

He sinks to his knees and stares at the letters. She was writing to him all this time. Writing to him without knowing that he would ever see these letters. Writing to him because she missed him and wished that they could speak. 

Athera was writing to him because she loves him. And Abelas never told her so. 

The pain is like a howling pit in his chest. The spirits are crowding around him and crooning with his reflected sorrow, and he doesn’t have the heart to tell them that their company only hurts him more. 

He remains in her bedroom for time uncounted. He reads the letters again and again, hearing her sunny laugh in his head and imagining her clear grey eyes filling with tears as they did so many times – too many times – during their short time together. He reads the letters again and again, his gaze lingering on the love that marks the end of each one.

He should show the letters to Fen’Harel. He knows the price of betraying the Dread Wolf, the price paid by the slow arrow, and it is a price that Abelas can ill afford, not while he still has a duty to fulfill to his people and to Mythal. 

He wonders if Athera will write more letters. There was no final farewell on the most recent one.

He wonders if he wants her to. 

By the time he rises to his feet to leave Tarasyl’an Te’las, his heart is so heavy that it’s a wonder he can stand. He lingers for a moment, his gaze on the bed they shared — the bed they lay in together and moved in together and talked in until the deepest hours of the night. 

He never told Athera he loved her, because he didn’t want to make this harder for her. The love Abelas harbours is selfish, an empty offering that has given her nothing but pain and a binding more cruel than the kind that those Tevinter mages place on the spirits they seek to control. He never told her he loved her, hoping that if the words remained unsaid, the consequences would be less painful for them both.

He stares at her letters. In these words of devotion written in her hand, his naïveté and his denial are laid bare, and Abelas wishes with his entire broken heart that he had told her while he had the chance.

He wipes his tear-stained face. She is no longer here in the place where they talked and laughed and moved together in a torrid tempest of desperation, and he doesn’t know if she will ever come back. 

He takes a deep breath. Then, far too late, he tells her.

“I love you, Athera,” he whispers. “You deserved better than a tired old warrior like me.” 

His words rise into the air to join the spirits still clamouring around him, and in their nebulous and never-ending memories, he knows his love will stay here forever. 

He folds the letters carefully and places them in the pouch at his belt. Then, with one last lingering look at her bed, Abelas steps out of the Fade. 

[lasandra]

How My favorite 2 Lavellan Inquisitors Feel About Solas: Pt 1 Eowynn

I know literally no one cares, but it's my blog and I feel like sharing lol. Under the cut because it's loooooong. Pt 2

Eowynn Lavellan: For context, Eowynn is very Dalish. She is the first of her clan and as such has been trained to be a leader, to put the good of others before herself. Eowynn respected Solas though she didn't care for the way he spoke of her people. She understood that he must have had bad experiences with other Dalish clans and was determined to change his mind about them. She also tended to seek him out more than the others because he seemed less foreign to her than everyone else. It was comforting after being thrusted into a world so unlike what she was accustomed to. Honestly, she's not sure what possessed her to kiss Solas back in the fade (Me. It was me that possessed her). It was very much unlike her to do something like that. She'd always been so good at controlling her emotions, but when it comes to Solas she struggles. She lets the mask she normally wears slide off; allows herself to be vulnerable around him. She trusts him, despite all logic telling her not to. When he tells her about the vallaslin, she doesn't handle it well but she decides to keep her vallaslin as she is of the belief the Dalish have given it a new meaning. When Solas breaks up with her, it is something like a bucket of cold water being poured over her. "I have distracted you from your duties." She knows he is right. "It will not happen again." That moment crushes her. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you..." She slides the mask back on. "Everyone makes mistakes..." she admits. It was as much her mistake as it was his. She knew better. Love wasn't for people in her position. It's a distraction. That doesn't stop her from crying miserably in her room when she is certain no one will hear her. She avoids being around him in any way that isn't professional and is glad that he does the same. She's honestly relieved when he disappears after the fight with Corypheus. He'd be too much of a distraction and her work isn't done. Not yet. Come Trespasser, when she realizes he is involved, she actually feels sick. He is her weakness and she knows it. When she discovers who he is--because believe you me, SHE discovers who he is without him having to tell her--she is FURIOUS. With him. With herself. What was his game? What did he have to gain for making her believe he loved her? Just a ploy to bring her guard down? So that she wouldn't see him for what he really was? She feels embarrassed. Foolish. The confrontation with Solas is... complicated. She is angry, calls him out for lying. She did not think he would still be able to affect her (in any way other than making her more angry). Instead, with every answer she gets, she just feels more conflicted, more confused. He claims to love her and yet her world must be destroyed. Her people must be destroyed. For his people. Why? Why does it require such destruction? He refuses to answer. It feels as though her heart is breaking all over again, more painful than last time. She is desperate to change his mind. She doesn't want to do what it will take to stop him. “Var lath vir suledin” "I wish it could, Vhenan." Those words break her. And when he steps through the eluvian she bawls, completely and utterly distraught. She struggles to put her mask back on, though she is ultimately able. She knows they have to stop him, whatever it takes, though, she prays that she will not be there when it happens.

[gremlinquisitor]

2019 Year in Review!

Thank you so much to @thejeeperswife for the tag! Gonna say right up front that I’m not tagging anyone, but if you want to do this, you definitely should!!

If you’d asked me without my looking, I’d have said I only did one thing this year. It really felt like it, at least. Like all I did this year was work on Recreate His Worldly Glory.

Apparently that’s not true, though! Apparently I posted a whole 15 fics over the course of 2019, with at least another 5 or 6 WIPs in the wings. 124,660 words total posted to AO3 is not bad at all, if I may say so myself. As for total written this year, I have no idea. I started keeping track in a google sheet at @barbex‘s excellent suggestion, but that fell apart somewhere after the summer at around 104k.

What I Wrote

Recreate His Worldly Glory: 76112 words so far, 13/36 chapters posted. Rated T, Sebastian/Hawke. Starts after the end of DA2 and follows Sebastian and the gang to Starkhaven. Chaste Sebastian. Happy ending.

If I Were a Wise Man, I Would Know My Part: 29357 words, 11/11 chapters posted. Rated E. ALL THE TROPES! Fake relationship, snowed in, hypothermia that leads to cuddling for warmth. Happy ending. 

The Legend of Sleepy Crestwood: 2865 words, Rated T, Alistair/Cullen, for a Halloween fanwork exchange. Based on the legend of Sleepy Hollow, with Alistair as hapless Ichabod.

The World Has No Right to My Heart: 1217 words, Rated G. Cassandra seeks Hawke out while she’s in Skyhold, curious about details of the Tale of the Champion.

Plenty of Time: 1170 words, Rated G, Sebastian/Hawke. Being Prince is hard sometimes; Hawke makes it easier.

Gotta Get a Letter to You: 2016 words,  Rated G, Nikhael Trevelyan/Ser Morris. Set later than Fragile and Fleeting,  Ser Simon comes to find Nikhael when he's tending to the Circle's messenger birds. (This one is sad.)

Fragile and Fleeting: 1039 words, Rated G, Nikhael Trevelyan/Ser Morris. In which Nikhael falls in more ways than one.

Give Us More Time: 1299 words, Rated G, Cassandra/f!Inquisitor.  After the Inquisition's narrow escape at Haven, the Herald remains in a coma. Cassandra goes to her tent to get some things off her chest.

Destiny in Your Hands: 2029 words, Rated G, Bellial Adaar/Blackwall. Bellial doesn’t take the revelation about Thom Ranier very well. 

Are You Jealous?: 1793 words, Rated T, Alistair/Cullen. Alistair finds his way to Cullen's office in Skyhold. Cullen shouldn't care that Alistair's been spending time with Hawke, but he does, maybe more than he cares to admit.

Turned to Stone: 1706 words, Rated G, Sebastian/Fenris. A Beauty and the Beast AU, where Fenris is cursed by a Tevinter magister to turn to stone if he can not love and be loved in return.

Aftermath: 1033 words, Rated G, Sulahnassan Lavellan/Cullen.  Cullen has a bit of a breakdown at the war table. Sulahn comes to find him afterwards.

Who Will Watch the Watchers?: 1296 words, Rated G, Eorryn Cousland/Alistair. In which word reaches the Warden-Commander about the siege at Adamant, and those who were lost. (This one is sad.)

How to Loot a Dragon: 960 words, Rated G, Gen. A recounting of the aftermath of the fight with the dragon in the Bone Pit. 

**The Tale of Corin and Neriah: 3445 words, Rated T, Corin/Neriah. A telling of he end of the Second Blight, written for In Peace, Vigilence zine (link is to pre-order promo post, not yet posted anywhere.)

Not Dragon Age: 

Taken: 768 words, Rated G, EraserMight.  “I don’t understand you. You always say you’re taken, but we both know you have no boyfriend.” Revelations in the recovery ward. 

Year-End Questions

Number of Smut Scenes? One posted, with at least three more in WIPs. I am terribly shy about smut, but I like having it in a story if I think it serves a purpose, and it will in these, if I ever post them.

New Things I Tried This Year? Finishing and posting an enormous multi-chapter monster. Applying to a zine. Getting picked for a zine. 

Favorite Thing I Wrote This Year? The Tale of Corin and Neriah is quite good, I really encourage everyone to get a copy of the zine, not just for that, but also for that. There are also some things in RHWG that I am very proud of and am looking forward to sharing.

Favorite Fic I Read This Year: I have read so much incredible fic this year. I don’t want to choose just one, so I’m gonna do a little rec list now.

A Love Long Lost by @sweetonsebastian. She writes Sebastian so wonderfully confident and secure in himself, and yet reserved when it comes to his past with Cullen, and the potential for them to start again. Cullen is wrecked, and she lets it show. This fic has incredible side characters, a beautiful use of language, so much lovely art, and just the happiest ending. I love it.

Lyrium Skin by @barbex. I devoured this in one sitting while I was getting tattooed this autumn, and my only regret is that I couldn’t type out comments on every chapter because I kept dropped my phone on my face trying to do it one-handed (my tattoo is on my other arm...) Her love for these characters and their stories is so clear, and I love the way she writes Fenris. Really looking forward to seeing where this goes. 

The Far Shore by @aban-asaara. One of the last fics I started this year, but I love everything Asaara writes, and this is no exception. Fenris and Amabel Hawke are going to Rivain, but it’s never that easy. Amabel is a wonderful character, and again, Asaara’s love for her and for Fenris is clear in every sentence. Bright, vivid descriptions, word choice that I honestly envy sometimes because it’s just perfect. We’re only getting started, and I can’t wait to see what’s going to happen next.

A Chance Engagement by @hollyand-writes. I’ve never read Pride and Prejudice, so every turn this story takes is new for me. I can only imagine the layers it must have for someone who’s read the original. The lovely Miss Merrill and the handsome Sir Carver are such a pleasure to read. I save this one up and read several chapters at once when I can, so that I make it last longer. A glorious Regency treat with a wonderful cast picked from DAO and DA2 (including the Arishok! Dancing!!)

Sun-Touched by @lucyrne. WHY CAN’T WE ROMANCE VARRIC?! This fic is the perfect example of why we should be allowed to, or someone should, and if not my PC, then Bethany Hawke. Fake dating, trips to Orzammar, dancing and kisses and danger and intrigue. Lucy writes Varric so well that it makes my heart hurt when he’s sad, it’s so good and genuine and him, and the contrast with Bethany’s POV is remarkable. This fic also has a wonderful, sympathetic take on Bianca Davri that I hope people enjoy when they read it. It made me think about her a lot, which I appreciate in a story. 

Goals for 2020

Try to write more shorter things and not just coast along posting RHWG and nothing else for the first half of the year. I would really like to spend more time putting Bellial and Blackwall’s story down on paper. It’s racy and volatile and not at all what I’m used to.

I also have a couple big WIPs that I’d like to see finished, including Concertmaster Baggins and my original novel. 

I also hope to do a lot more reading. My “to be read” list is embarrassingly long.

[skittlesfics]

Empathy - Cole x Reader

Name: Empathy

Pairing: Cole x Reader

Word Count: 1,186

A/N: I’ve never written Cole before. This was fun to try!

Requests are open!

“He watches her when she laughs, the joke wasn’t to her but it was for her. Everything—anything for her smile.” Cole frowned as he watched the young recruit. He was making jokes to another soldier, but his eyes never left a healer. He found himself thinking of the new barmaid at the Herald’s Rest and that had never happened before.

People’s thoughts were their own, they were either about someone or they were not and this young recruit’s thoughts were certainly not about the new barmaid and if they were—Cole wasn’t sure how to finish that thought. His own tended to be more tenuous and less tangible than the other thoughts he could hear. He took one of the healer’s personal tools—engraved with her name—and slipped it in the young recruit’s pocket. He left them at that.

“Her chest aches but sweetly. He sees another but she sees happiness and that has to be enough.” Cole said, wincing. “She’s lying when he asks if she’s okay but—she wants it to be true.”

“Hey, uh, could you do that a little less loudly?” The Iron Bull asked, taking a long swig from his pint. He could tolerate the little spirit, but it was easier when he wasn’t being so… spirit-y.

“Oh, leave him be, Bull.” You chastised from your spot at the bar. You had befriended Cole in your first few days at Skyhold and you made a point of listening to him and talking to him.

Bull made a noncommittal noise and shuffled back to his usual corner, safe from Cole’s monologues.

“What does it mean?” Cole asked, turning to you suddenly. You started to ask him to elaborate but he held his hands up to the side of his head and frowned. “She wants him but she says she’s okay if he wants her, not her. She’s lying but she wants to be honest?”

You smiled sympathetically, looking past Cole to the pair of scouts sitting near the door. Poor girl.

“She loves him, Cole.” You said gently, already planning a way to get some sort of tart or drink to the girl without it being too obvious what it was for.

“Then why is she lying about him being with her? And why does she want it to be true?” Cole’s confusion made him sound panicked, and you found yourself reaching for his hand.

“Sometimes when you love someone, you just want them to be happy. It might still hurt that they’re with someone else, but that doesn’t mean you’d rather they be miserable than be with someone else.” You explained, patting his hand gently.

Cole frowned as he processed the information and you took the moment to consider your stock of tarts. You found one that looked sweet enough and carefully wrapped it in a bit of parchment. You didn’t have a quill on hand to leave a note, but you couldn’t risk the other scout seeing it anyway.

“Does the ache go away?” Cole asked, his gaze returning to the woman. You grimaced as you thought of how to address his question, pressing the wrapped tart and another, unwrapped tart into his hands.

“Sometimes.” You said honestly. Cole frowned, but nodded anyway. You watched as he stood and crossed the room. He leaned and murmured something to the hurting woman, passing her the wrapped tart before leaving the bar entirely. Moments later the woman was blinking, confused, at the tart in her hands. Her companion was none the wiser.

“The world is brighter having known her. Colors are not the same or perhaps she had just never noticed colors before this. The hummingbird in her chest awakens when she’s near and sleeps too much when she’s away.”

Cole turned away from Lace Harding to look at the woman she spoke of, the Inquisitor.

“Cole,” the Inquisitor teased, “We’ve talked about spilling people’s hearts for them.” She wasn’t angry, though Lace did look embarrassed. Lavellan leaned down and kissed the Dwarven woman, squeezing her quickly before gesturing for Cole to follow her. They did have a quest to fulfill, after all.

-

The next time Cole wandered into the Herald’s Rest, he looked exhausted. You frowned and considered your selection of tarts, pulling the best-looking one for him as he took a seat at the bar.

“Are you alright?” You asked gently, placing the tart on a plate in front of him. He shook his head.

“They can remember me now.” He stated simply, glancing around the bar, “Then again, you could always remember me, couldn’t you?” He turned his gaze onto you, and you blushed under the intensity of it. You had come to care for Cole deeply. You might even call it a crush.

“I could.” You admitted, hoping that he could not read you well enough to know how you were feeling.

“Could you… explain something for me?” Cole asked, uneasy. It had been some time since he had come to you with feelings to parse, but you would never deny him this.

“Of course.” You responded seriously. A patron called out for a refill and you quickly poured another ale before turning your full attention back to Cole.

“I—Feel more things now than I did before. At least, I feel them more strongly than I feel other people’s things.” He started, his voice unsteady, ”Why is it that sometimes my heart races when I think about someone? I hear something lovely and I want to share it with her. I think about her even when she is not around. I should be helping others, but I want to find all the ways that I can make her smile.” The confession would be a thing of beauty if he did not sound so utterly vexed by his own emotions. You smiled softly, shaking your head.

“Cole, you’ve fallen in love.” You wondered who she was. There was the inquisitor, of course, but she was taken by Lace. You supposed it could be any number of people among the inquisition. When you looked back at Cole, he was frowning.

“Your heart aches but you’re pretending that it doesn’t. You’re happy that I’m feeling but you wish that it was for you.” Cole had only shared your own pain with you once, when you first met. Hearing him now telling you how you were feeling… You felt foolish.

“Cole, I—”

“You’d let yourself hurt if it would make me happy, but you wish that it didn’t have to hurt.” He stopped himself, staring at you with those wide eyes of him. He said your name softly and you swallowed, waiting for him to say something, anything. “It’s you. She’s you. I mean… My feelings are for you.” He managed. His words were clumsy now that he was not describing feelings directly, but that didn’t change the impact it had on you.

“I… want to be the one to make you smile.” He settled on finally. You licked your dry lips and nodded, unable to contain your smile.

“I want to be that for you too.”