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herrscherofmagic · 1 year ago

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I think I might take a break from making fanart for some time; or at least, I'll try and make it less of a priority.

This thought came to me just now, and while I don't really have a concrete plan or process in mind I figured I might as well share it anyways

Of course, I do intend to still make fanart soon, and I still have an insane amount of ideas on future projects. Just take a quick glance at that project overview thingy I posted a while back, and you'd see just how much I still have to do!

But honestly, art has been really stressful for me recently. Not because of art itself, not because drawing is difficult. It's just that I'm dealing with a lot of anxiety, exhaustion, and stress from other life stuff, and I already have really low self-esteem when it comes to my art, so trying to force myself to work on these various fanart WIPs hasn't been helping at all.

So I think I want to experiment a bit and start posting more of my practice work. Gesture drawings, studies, anatomy notes, scribbles, and whatever else comes to mind. I want to try and do more with drawing from life both with pen and with pencil, too.

One of my biggest issues is that it's incredibly difficult for me to focus and commit on anything. This isn't an art issue, this is an issue I have with nearly everything in my life. So I can't really "solve" it, I just have to mitigate it to the best of my ability.

Recently, I think what's been giving me the most trouble with art is that I struggle with line quality and mark-making. I'm starting to understand anatomy more, I've gotten decent at gesture, I'm even taking a live drawing class as part of my college studies; but none of these things matter if I can't even move the pen(cil) across the paper or screen to make the mark I need to convey form, shape, value, and so on.

I'm also not just talking about lineart in the sense you usually think of, like in manga as one example. This is about all sorts of marks, whether it's using a brush to show value on the side of an object, or making lines to show the position & orientation of a limb.

I tend to draw really quickly and roughly, basically drawing at the same speed that I think- which is way too fast. Sometimes it's good to draw quickly like that, but I'm running into an issue where I'm spending upwards of one hour on rough sketching and "planning" when I should be taking less than 30 minutes on that, and using the rest of the time to actually draw the damn thing T_T

And because I rarely get to that later stage in the drawing, I've constantly hit roadblocks with my more complex works because I have so little experience there. That disconnect between my ideas and execution is really demoralizing, but I don't think I realized what the exact issue was until these past few weeks...

Instead of trying to worry about these large illustrations or comics and whatnot, I think I want to try and focus on some drawings that will help me really figure out my mark-making. Things like drawing a scene from life, such as plants or buildings or people on the street. Drawing more studies of clothed people instead of only doing anatomy. Drawing 3D forms in simple perspective, and then repeatedly adding more onto these forms to try and add complexity without muddying up the drawing with inconsistent and shoddy linework.

I've always wanted to add those kinds of drawings to my social media, but my ideas for fanart fill my mind 24/7 and I've been trying so hard to realize these ideas- and failing miserably. At the rate that I'm going, we're gonna experience the heat death of the universe before I reach a level of artistic skill that would actually let me make a living and survive off of my work. So I need to seriously address these concepts, and I need to (mostly) detach it from my fanwork so I don't get too emotionally attached to the countless shitty drawings I'll be making >.>

So I'll try and worry less about making all these cool fanarts and instead pick a single or handful of simpler fanarts to seriously work on, and surround those few works with lots of other practice that will help me build the skills I need to execute these ideas.

I also think I'm going to go back to writing more fan fiction in the meantime, since my writing skills are pretty well developed; far more than my drawing, at least. So I can try to present more of my fan ideas through writing instead of only through art, that way I can still share these thoughts with the world.

Plus I have some ideas that can help combine my fanfics with simple fanart in the form of illustrations- like one or two drawings per chapter of a fic, for example. Not full scenes with lots of detail- rather they'd be simple drawings with more rough linework and simple shading, which focus on conveying a key idea of the text instead of trying to convey all the meaning within the artwork itself. Like if a chapter introduces a new character, then having an illustration of said character in a simple scene. That kind of thing!

No clue where this'll take me, but hopefully it'll at least let me continue to improve my art skills without feeling miserable, while also giving me time to catch up on other work that I've been neglecting, including some huge life stuff I need to sort out if I want any chance of surviving on my own once I graduate.

I'll still have a lot of stress and anxiety from other places, but I want to at least take art and transform it into something I can do for fun and to relax, instead of being stressed by my art because of the pressure to make things "look good" instead of building up the skills I need to do that in the first place. If I can learn to enjoy making art, that'll go a long way in helping me get to a better frame of mind ^.^

#long post #lots of text lol #random thoughts #don't mind me #just screaming into this void that we affectionately call “Tumblr”

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seabreezeraincloud · 1 year ago

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Today has been the most productive writing day I've had in a while. I took a 30-minute walk this morning (on the treadmill because it's too hot and miserable outside) and I think that helped alleviate some of my summer fatigue, which has been one of the biggest roadblocks for me. I got over 500 words in (which is pretty good for me), and if I'm lucky, I'll get even more in tonight. I'm pretty happy with the story thus far and aiming to get the next chapter out in the next week or so.

But uh. There's one scene I wrote today that was oddly difficult for me. Basically, it's one where I envisioned a wide landscape shot in the style of the show. One similar to these:

And just. For whatever reason, whatever goddamn reason, I actually started getting emotional. Like, on-the-verge-of-tears emotional. No, my writing isn't just that good - I hadn't even written it yet lol. It was just a picture in my brain. It was that image of the scene in my head that made me start experiencing these deep emotions. I tend to get just a bit of a weird feeling with wide shots of the earth just in general, but there's something about these shots in this specific style that's just on a whole other level.

It made me start thinking of this specific shot from the series finale, which made it even worse:

This fucking shot. This shot from the very last scene we see with Cassandra. There she goes, with the "Waiting in the Wings" melody playing in the background, off to explore the world and find herself. And that's the end of her story as we know it. We don't see her at all after this. We don't know where she's going or what she gets up to, when she'll return home or how often she'll visit. There's no time skip giving us any answers. It is all 100% up to interpretation.

And honestly, even though it might seem silly, I really do think it's the emotional association with all this that makes me feel so deeply when I just sit and stare at or even think about any of the nature shots in this show, especially outside of Corona. Like man, I know Rapunzel is the focal point of the franchise, but I don't want to stay in Corona with her and Eugene if Cass isn't there with them. I want to follow her on her adventures! (But hey, that's why I'm writing Fates Aligned in the first place lmao.)

Of course it also doesn't help that the art itself is fucking gorgeous.

#sorry i am just Showing Emotions On Main so don't mind me #on the bright side i think all this reflection did kinda help me write the scene so i suppose it was worth it in the end #writing is fun :)#fates aligned #my writing #tangled #disney #dtva #my public diary

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fawnsflowerbed · 7 months ago

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EEEEEEEE I've always wanted to do this and honestly I'm a little nervous- I love your stories SO much and it definitely helps fuel my Leon craze ♡♡♡

Sappy notes aside, I was wondering if you would possibly do a comic store/arcade date idea? Specifically with Re2 Leon in mind but you're the writer so I'll leave most of the creativity in your hands! I've always had this little headcanon where I think young Leon would be a huge fan of classic comic heros (Spiderman mostly) because of his absolutely tragic backstory :((

But this has just been a little idea that's been bubbling in my head for a couple months, feel free to add or take away anything you feel fits!!!

UGHHHHH breaking my heart over RE2 Leon he’s such a puppy I love himmmmm

An arcade date with Leon takes a sweet yet sad turn. Time to win some tickets baby!! Warnings/content: GN reader but with fem in mind, 2nd person POV (you/your), sweet sweet fluff with mentions of Leon's past :(

Word count: 2340 approx.

⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄☆

Leon had a bounce in his step that you hadn’t seen in too long. Date night. Circled on the calendar, he’d been counting down the past 48 hours to spend time with his sweetheart. You.

There was something that made the corners of his lips curl up into a smile – a smile he was clearly trying to fight back in front of you. Dating Leon for the past six months had been nothing short of a dream, and you both worked together to get through the roadblocks in the way thanks to the trauma of his past. Lucky enough, you were about as determined as a bulldozer and gladly broke down his walls. Now he was the biggest sweetheart you’d ever set eyes on. So, when you’d told him to pick the next spot for a date, he was absolutely ecstatic. Judging by how quickly he’d blurted out the name now plastered in big neon lights in front of you he already knew just where to go. The whole thing made you giggle.

“I didn’t know you’d be so excited about this.”

“Oh, you have no idea, honey. When I was a teenager I was obsessed with these places, I just never got the chance to go into one. Now that I’m a fully independent adult I can spend as much money as I want on stupid shit. Well, stupid shit and gifts for you.” He grinned at you, taking you by the hand to pull you into the building. “C’mon.”

It was just as you’d pictured it, if not more. Rows upon rows of arcade machines lined with joysticks and overworked buttons from raging teens giving up when they’d clearly lost. Leaderboards filled with names, initials and curse words that definitely didn’t belong on Pacman. A prize corner with everything from poor quality keychains to large stuffed animals at unreasonably high-ticket prices.

You had to admit, you were feeling a little giddy too. Not nearly as much as Leon was, but you were excited to see where this would go. This was your first time in an arcade for a really really long time.

He was counting out his pocket change and quarters, completely oblivious to how you were staring at him with a large smile, positively smitten. God, how you loved him. This dusty blonde golden retriever boy you’d fallen for with the drop of a hat. You cherished these moments with him, the ones where he looked so genuinely happy, like those past years of darkness and dread had been scrubbed clean by gloved hands. And when those gloves came off, it was from two different sets of hands. His and yours.

After adding up the rest of his money it finally occurred to him that you’d been standing there a little too silently. Turning his head, he caught a good look at you breathing him in completely. Like you were peering straight into his soul, eyes boring into him as a whole. He quirked an eyebrow at you while very clearly fighting back a smile. “What?”

You just giggled, holding his face in your hands. “You’re the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.”

He rested his hands over yours with his own laugh. You could’ve melted on the spot, that sound put you at such ease. Oh, how you’d love to hold and hug and kiss this man for the rest of your life. You knew Leon was still getting used to letting someone care for him again, hell he was still adjusting to someone wanting to call him adorable. But you were his lighthouse, and you’d gladly guide him back home to your arms whenever he felt lost.

You knew it was hard for Leon to let his guard down. He felt like he had to be the stronger one in the relationship, like it was his duty to keep you safe. But then you showed him that he was allowed to slow down. He was allowed to let someone else keep him safe. But getting to watch him laugh and live like a normal person, to watch him leave behind those times of turmoil even if just for a few hours, it was bliss. Taking in the moles on his face and the curve of his nose as you walked past flashing colours had you seeing your boyfriend in a whole new light.

Yep. Definitely in love. No doubt about that.

Your eyes fell on something that struck its own personal chord.

“No way, House of The Dead 2! I’ve been waiting for this sequel for ages!”

“I have had my fair share of that game in real life, thank you kindly. I’d rather not relive that experience.”

You smiled at him, grabbing at his face again to squish at his cheeks. “Aw, my poor thing.”

He swatted his hands at you, but that didn’t stop him from laughing. “C’mon, cut it out.”

“Oh, does my big strong boyfriend not like when his girlfriend coddles him?”

Taking gentle hold of each wrist, he held your arms out in front of him with a gentle shake. “I’ll whoop you at air hockey if you keep this up.” “You’re on!”

Yeah, that went the way everyone expected to. He whooped your ass. But it was a pretty even playing field. Sure, he could easily beat you in play fighting, forcing you to tap out so he could suffocate you with his cuddles, but you both had little experience with air hockey. Maybe that’s what made you work so well together. Your similarities and differences.

“Babyyy, you’re distracting me.” He dragged out playfully, a grin spreading over his features as he pressed a quick kiss to the side of your hand. “I have to defend my title by winning you that alpaca. These things are about finesse.”

Those things, as a matter of fact, were not about finesse.

That was clear when after spending around 4 dollars’ worth of quarters on the machine, it looked like there was no hope in Leon defending his title. Leaning his head close to yours with his eyes still locked to the glass, his voice fell down to a joking whisper.

“..Do you think they’ll notice if I shake the machine?” You gave one short nod, whispering back. “Most likely.”

“Even a little?”

“Even a little.”

“Damn.”

Turns out they were right about claw machines being a scam. Or at least that one was. You probably should have assumed that, but it was worth a shot either way.

After walking past rows of flashing lights and colour images framed with messages of ‘INSERT COIN’, you decided it was about time you check out the prize corner. True, you had a measly number of tickets, but there was no harm in at least imagining you could score something. It had just about as much as you’d expect, shelves packed with tacky stuffed animals and keychains, those tiny water pistols and rubix cubes. The usual.

Until you heard Leon’s voice.

“Oh no way they have it! I haven’t seen one of these in years.”

There was this joy to it that you couldn’t capture in words, and the grin on his face to accompany such a tone was the cherry on top. That pure look of glee and excitement. What could cause such a reaction?

“What?”

He pointed up towards the shelves. “Top left, 500 tickets.”

There it was. Sealed in a shoddy looking plastic bag was a Spiderman figurine in peak condition.

You smiled, watching how his baby blue eyes locked onto the prize bag like it had descended from heaven itself. “You’re a Spiderman fan?”

“Have been ever since I was a kid. I used to think that Peter Parker was the coolest guy ever. Still kind of do. He had so much responsibility on his shoulders, went through so many trials and still kept fighting for what was right. It felt like they’d made a hero specifically for me. That,” he pointed to the figure. “Looks almost exactly like the one I had as a kid. I lost it when they moved me into the foster home, haven’t seen one of these in ages.”

You felt your smile sadden. Leon’s family history was something you’d learnt about at the end of last month, finding out about how his whole household and potential extended family members had been killed. He’d often open up about his experiences in the system with his head sitting on your chest or in your lap, finding comfort in your fingers playing with his hair. How he fought for his fair share, how he’d learnt to ice down wounds and warm up sore muscles from one of the less aggressive kids there. Like picking open a lock, your hands worked every painful experience from his memory so they could meet with the air around you. He always seemed calmer after talking about it, like an extra tonne had been removed from his guilty conscience.

“Well now we have to win it.”

That seemed to boot him out of his moment, now turning to you stunned. “What?” Why would you say that?

You couldn’t help but puff your chest out a little in pride. Would’ve strut around like a peacock if you had the confidence. No doubt about it, you were gonna score that figurine for your boyfriend. He deserved it, and so much more. “You heard me. Let’s go scavenge for tickets. We’re getting you that figurine.”

“Sweetheart-”

“Nope, too late! I’m already on my way to the whack-a-mole station!”

He couldn’t stop you even if he wanted to, which he secretly didn’t. You were too busy hunting down an arcade machine to jump onto. One of the things he loved most about you was how much you loved him, no matter how self- centred it sounded to anyone else. At first it felt wrong to have someone care for him like this. He’d been hesitant to date so early after splitting with his ex before Raccoon City, but you’d captured his heart with one swoop of your hand. It almost stunned him how easy it was to fall for you. And as he watched you take your fistful of tickets, looking back at him with a determined smile while talking on about what game you’d just ‘kicked ass’ at, he knew he wanted to be with you for the rest of his life. The bright fluorescent lights from the arcade machine brought a rainbow to your skin, you were doing all of this for him.

It went on like that for a while, him watching with a rather amused grin as you practically scurried around the patterned carpet. Counting up how much money you were losing just to get him a figurine. Making loving eye contact with you anytime you turned around to check in on him. How he’d ever gotten so lucky with you was beyond his understanding. He would shower you with everything in the world without even needing a thank you, and yet you were going out of your way to win a simple spiderman toy for pure sentimental value. He’d really hit the jackpot, and he didn’t even have to touch an arcade machine.

From that point on it was a team effort, both of you now pitching in to win that perfect prize. Skee-ball, Cyclone, Slugfest. With the occasional game of Street Fighter in between to keep things interesting. Elbow to elbow, often trying to either psyche the other out so they’d lose or cheer them on to victory. Guess that was the true duality of a relationship.

It was no easy feat, but you’d done it. Handfuls of shoddy paper tickets ripe for redeeming. Once you had your spoils collected you slammed your winnings down onto the counter. Needless to say the minimum-wage worker behind the counter didn’t seem too happy, with an eyeroll so far into the back of their head you thought they’d see their own skull. They let out a sigh when you pointed to the figurine, stepping up onto the ladder to take the plastic package off the lined shelves.

But it was definitely worth it to see the look on Leon’s face. Watching on with big bright eyes, waiting ever so patiently (well, as patient as he could be) for the employee to slide the toy across the glass to you both. He was in pins and needles, hands fuzzy when he picked it up. How could one object hold so much love in it? So many memories he thought he’d buried deep down below sedimentary layers, thick with security. Keeping his heart safe from everything that had happened.

Leon could feel a mist grow over his baby blue eyes as he stared down at the Spiderman figurine. Taking in the decals on the cardboard background, the font of the text. Everything the way he remembered. Just like the one he’d gotten for Christmas as a child.

He looked just about ready to cry.

The smile dropped off your face for a moment, now replaced with a look of concern. Had it not been what he wanted? Had you overstepped some kind of boundary? Was it not what he expected it to be?

“Oh, Leon. I’m sorry, is it not-”

“It’s perfect.” He shook his head, holding the package gently and tucking it into your shared carry bag. Once it was safe and sound he was immediately pulling your body into his, arms wrapped tightly around you with so much love. You could feel it radiating from him, buzzing at a frequency that spread a welcoming warmth through the both of you. Lightning in a cuddly jar. “You’re perfect. I love you so much. So, so much. Thank you, sweetheart. This means so much to me. I love you.”

The admission of love had you melting into a puddle in your boyfriend’s arms. “I love you too, baby.”

You and Leon had won so much more than a plastic toy that day.

#leon kennedy #leon kennedy x reader #leon s kennedy #leon scott kennedy #leon s. kennedy #leon s kennedy x reader #resident evil x reader #x reader #leon x reader #leon kennedy thirst hours #leon scott kennedy x reader #leon s. kennedy x reader #leon kennedy x you #leon kennedy x y/n #works ✎₊˚⊹

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killerandhealerqueen · 8 months ago

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soft asks to get to know people: 2,5,9,13,21

2. what’s your feel-good movie?

Oh, I like a lot of feel good movies...but I think if I had to pick one...the Emperor's New Groove? You can't be feeling bad while watching that movie, it's just impossible. Other options are Tangled, Mulan, Princess and the Frog, as well as The Sound of Music

5. who do you feel most you around?

My best friend Kayla and my online friends here on tumblr. I never have to try and censor myself or be someone whom I'm not around them

9. what calms you down?

Watching a drama or tv show that I like that makes me laugh. Also talking to my dad. My dad is the person who keeps me from going "over the edge" mentally when I'm having a bad time/anxiety attack. He really is my biggest supporter when it comes to my mental health

13. what’s your comfort food?

Chinese food. You just cannot go wrong with Chinese food, like ever

21. if you could tell your past self one thing, what would it be?

Everything is going to work out. Yeah there will be setbacks and roadblocks, but everything is going to work out the way it's supposed to (these are words I'm also telling myself now because honestly I need to hear them)

soft asks to get to know people | send me asks

#sass answers #claw 🤔#soft asks to get to know people

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bugcatcherwill · 1 year ago

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Rage Against the Calamity - Chapter 59: Lying Eyes

Bokoblins, Moblins, Lizalfos, and Wizzrobe. One of each has managed to break free from the Malice that binds them. With their tie to Ganon gone, these monsters must fight to survive in a world where everything wants them dead. Yet, things are not always what they seem. For as unforgiving a land as Hyrule, it will continue to surprise even the most hopeless hearts. This is the story of those four monsters, and all their unlikely allies…

Also on AO3 (heads up this chapter gets a little heavy in themes)

The sun had long set near the East Akkala Stable and the congregation of panicked Hylians were no closer to heading to bed. Hoz watched resentfully from his chair as they continued to scheme and squawk around their round table. Some of the residents that already laid comfortably on their feather mattresses peered with disdain from the covers - hoping for some peace and quiet. The lone soldier spied the outside to be met with an inky blackness of the Akkala night, then back towards the warm cozy stable. Neither Khini nor the others had so much as looked up, too engrossed in riling each other up. Perhaps this was the break Hoz needed. Silent as a shrew, he eased out of his chair and began to tiptoe his way out of the stable. The rest of the day the others had been watching him like a hawk, but perhaps now he could finally make his way to Robbie for some answers. However, that idea was promptly dashed upon the rocks when two of the Hylians he hadn't even noticed stepped out from the dark to block his path.

"Told you!" one of the two shouted to the rest, who immediately lifted their heads from the table like meerkats, "Hoz is trying to sneak over to the Lab!"

Hoz grimaced, caught red handed, but refused to back down when Khini arrogantly sauntered over.

"Just let me walk up there and have a conversation with them!" he said, aggravated that the people he was trying to protect were preventing him from doing just that, "All these smoke and mirrors you're doing is gonna get people hurt!"

Khini adjusted his glasses and winter hat, despite the warmer season, and tutted at Hoz in a scolding fashion.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're in cahoots with Robbie! This is about as cut-and-dry as you can get. You're being the biggest roadblock to peace right now as you won't simply hand over the key…"

"A-are you being serious right now?!" Hoz said with a slight voice crack, completely aghast by this accusation, "I'm here to protect you idiots! Going up there alone puts my hide at stake if you're right! But I'm willing to risk that because I believe there's a simple explanation for all of this! I just…don't know what it is, yet…"

Khini nodded sarcastically, unconvinced.

"Mmhmm…another thing, it's time we recognize that perhaps having just one soldier up here who thinks he's king isn't a proper way to protect our stable."

"What?"

"So I've taken the liberty of forming our own group of concerned Hylians that are actually willing to get things done. Call it the Akkala Militia!"

"This is insubordination!"

"We don't work for you, Hoz! Quite the opposite, actually! You work for us. And we get to decide when to forgo your 'services' and take matters into our own hands!"

"I received training in Hateno from the survivors of The Calamity! How many of you can swing a claymore - let alone know how to use one?!"

"We've all had our stints in the wilds of Hyrule, I'd say we can take care of ourselves."

"You are all going to get yourselves killed…"

"Tch…says the man about to march right into a monster den because he doesn't wanna make 'assumptions'..."

The two Hylians stared each other down, snarling like rabid dogs. Their commotion woke up one of the sleeping children and she began to cry. Hoz glanced back, biting his lips in remorse but Khini seemed unrepentant.

"And I suppose your plan is any better?" Hoz said, lowering his voice to a fierce whisper that still cut through the air.

"Quite! Honestly, the only reason we're not shaking you down for the key right now is that I want to see the look on your face when you're proven wrong. I'll snoop around that Lab under the cover of night and find exactly what we need."

Hoz threw his hands in the air.

"Incredible. So you're doing exactly what I've been trying to do all day?!" he said, trying his best to keep his voice low, but his anger only grew. It didn't help that Khini wagged his finger with a tsk tsk tsk.

"Your suggestion is to just waltz up there and knock on the door. You don't think they've planned for that? No, they need to be caught off guard, like how you saw those monsters this morning, and that's just what we planned…"

With that, Khini ran back to the table and grabbed a jet black cloak to throw over his head. Hoz rolled his eyes at the presentation - knowing nothing good could come from this. He gave Rudi a dirty side-eye for not sticking up for him, but the stablehand simply shrugged with an accepted indifference. He had the horses and other livestock to worry about more than the current schism.

"Can I trust that your word will match your eyes?" Hoz said as the other man passed him with a glare.

"Hmmph," Khini huffed, throwing the hood over his head, "only if I can trust that I won't find anything that implicates you up that hill!"

Hoz could only watch as the man strayed far from the road, gradually sneaking up the hill to the Lab before disappearing into the night. He desperately wanted to go up there before Khini could, maybe muscle his way past the other Hylians that were blocking his path. But he saw himself as the peacekeeper of the Akkala stable, and that included holding back from acting in any way that wasn’t proper for the Hylian soldiers he so idolized from an era long past. He should have gone up, his legs were screaming at him to go up that hill, knock on the door, and maybe prevent a disaster as he learned the truth - but he had been locked into that same bind of politeness. Anything that could cause a ruckus and seed further panic was completely out of the question for him, so Hoz simply stood there with wobbly knees and trembling fists.

His hands were figuratively tied, but his own ideals were what tightened the ropes.

…

Khini reached the top of the hill where the Akkala Lab sat slithering on his belly like a snake - crawling inches at a time to ensure he avoided detection. He was well covered by the blanket of night, but the small beacons of light that shone from the windows could easily give away his position. Yet, they were exactly what he was looking for as they provided a means to snoop into the oddly shaped building - just to see what was happening in there. But before he did that, Khini decided to survey the surroundings.

At least he tried to before coming across a giant snoring mound that turned his blood to ice.

He recognized that sound all too well. Anyone who had traveled through the wilderness of Hyrule was warned to be wary of those deep low drones because Hylia save you if you wake it up. The light of the moon behind the clouds was just enough for Khini to see the shape of the massive sleeping monster. They had a gods-damned Hinox in their backyard! That had to be evidence enough for his case. Surely nobody would lodge a Hinox with honest intentions? It’s like he said, this was as cut and dry as could possibly be. Clutching his mouth and trying not to scream, Khini tiptoed away as quiet as can be. It appeared that the Sheikah were harboring much more than just a few of the more common monsters. While that should have been enough for him to scramble back to the stable, curiosity got the best of him. If these Sheikah were brazen enough to have a Hinox right behind their lab, then who knows what’s inside? Behind the cover of the tall grass, Khini pulled out his pocket binoculars and peered in.

His glasses pressed in, nearly scratching both the lenses, the blurry inside focusing into a sight he never thought would be possible in a thousand years.

There was a Blue Moblin in there…reading. Khini had to wipe the smudges off his glasses just to make sure his eyes weren't playing tricks, but when he returned to the binoculars the monster was still there - book firmly held in its giant hands. He could see its eyes move across the pages, even taking notes in a separate book on the floor before turning the page. This was more than mimicry, the monster understood. But how?

The panic from the Hinox scare had completely worn off as Khini leaned forward more - desperate to see what else was in that lab. He rotated to the left and saw a Lizalfos sitting comfortably on a stool, tinkering with something, but what drew his attention more was its tail that looked to be entirely artificial - crafted from the same materials as Guardians. A chill ran up his spine, thinking of what could have possibly led to that. Are the monsters evolving? Are they modifying their bodies to be even greater war machines? Was it on their own or…are the Sheikah helping?

He shook off the malaise and looked in further, this time sinking lower to the ground, making sure not to leave his scratchy cover behind the grass. He had to know what else was in there. He couldn't look away. That was when Khini saw something that nearly made him reconsider this entire venture: the smallest Wizzrobe he had ever seen prancing in and out of sight. It had to be no taller than a young child, the color of its robes indicating it was of the ice variety. Several times Khini caught a glimpse of its smiling face as it bounced around giggling, sky-blue eyes as pure as snow. There was a second Wizzrobe chasing it playfully, its laughter subdued but its eyes a warm yellow. After a few minutes of chasing, it effortlessly caught up with the little one and swung it around so the smaller Wizzrobe was now clinging to its back. The muffled high-pitch giggling could even be heard from outside as the two disappeared up to the second floor - not even needing to take the stairs.

Khini's mouth hung open in disbelief, but what he saw through the binoculars was very real. He had heard and seen the sheer ruthlessness of Wizzrobes, but this one was playing with its young no different than how the Hylian parents and children back at the stable do. There was also the fact that juvenile Wizzrobes were even possible that Khini couldn't seem to wrap his head around. Had this always been possible, but Wizzrobes were so secluded it was never seen? Or was this a new development? Was this the 'evolution' he had assumed earlier?

All of these questions he didn't have answers to, and he wasn't about to knock on the door to find out. Yet, the last sight brought him back to an old memory - one he thought was lost to time. His late father, grabbing him by the arms and twirling him around in a circle, then giving young Khini a piggyback ride - romping through the stables of his youth. His breathing picked up to be deep and heavy as he weighed in on the torrent of new discoveries. Maybe…maybe Hoz was onto something. Maybe he was jumping to conclusions too early. Slowly he brought the binoculars back to his teary eyes, but his mind was nearly made up. After what he saw, there was no reason not to swallow his pride and admit to Hoz he was right. He still wouldn't let him go up here alone, for now he was curious to hear the Sheikah out about these monsters living with them. Besides the Hinox, he hadn't even seen any weapons so it was doubtful they were even a threat!

And yet, all of that progress evaporated like a drop of sweat in the Gerudo sand once Purah came into view.

Khini jumped in surprise and nearly leaned forward so far he blew his own cover. Whoever she was, she was beautiful. The woman must've been one of the Sheikah other than Robbie who lived there, but it'd be hard to tell because she was already dressed in her casual pajamas. What was normally a bun in her hair had been undone for the evening so her soft snow-white hair draped behind her shoulders. Her comically round glasses were askew, which she adjusted before walking over to the Moblin with a haphazard wave. The Hylian eavesdropping felt two distinct twinges in his gut: one from the guilt of peeping, and the other from how familiar she acted around the bookish monster. The latter reason kept his eyes transfixed on the two of them.

When she neared Sledge, Purah grabbed its wrist and pulled it towards her so the book in its hands was at her eye-level. Her lips moved with a smarmy curve upward and the Moblin chuckled. Khini felt a figurative knife twist in his stomach. Did the monster understand Hylian, or had the Sheikah learned the enigmatic monster language? Or both? The outlandish theories returned to his swirling maelstrom of a mind, his brow arching down into a heavy frown.

What was assumed to be more banter followed, both Purah and Sledge taking turns pushing each other lightly on the shoulder and laughing. But what really boiled over Khini in a rage was when Purah sat down next to the Moblin and leaned against its left arm that was writing in the other book. She stretched, leaning back to nearly laying on top of Sledge's lap and teasingly bapped at its low-hanging snout - much to its mild annoyance. Seemingly giving up, it reached up with its long arms to grab a book off a shelf that Purah would've needed the ladder for and handed it to her. She snickered mischievously, causing the Moblin to roll its eyes like this was a daily occurrence and returned to its own book. Purah then nestled herself in-between Sledge's arm, cozied up near its warm body, and began to read herself. Softly it lifted its left hand up and pulled her closer - nose still buried in its book and refusing to look at Purah's cheeky grin.

Khini's anger only grew, a sharp gasp drawing from his breath. Why were these two acting so familiar? How long had this Sheikah woman kept the Moblin here? What could they possibly have in common that would lead to this? This must be because the Sheikah are aiding this evolution of monsters, Khini was sure of it. There was no way something like a Moblin could ever learn to read all on its own. And the way it laid its hand on her freckled shoulders drove him mad. Those hands had probably murdered dozens of Hylians, maybe more, and this monster had the gall to touch one of his own like that? Khini gripped the binoculars so fiercely the metal frame began to bend. Any semblance of reason and empathy from earlier was replaced with an irrational and inconsolable white hot fury.

Something had to be done. This was a danger to the stable, no, all of Hyrule. He had always seen the Sheikah under suspicion thanks to their involvement with the Divine Beasts, but this was the nail in the coffin for Khini. Their obsession with research had gone too far, and he saw fit to put it to an end. If there was any more light his beet red face would be glowing. The only modicum of rational thought left in his brain went straight to his feet - forcing him to step silently as a mouse before getting far enough away to make a bolt towards Akkala Stable.

…

"About that time for bed?" Purah said, closing her book and placing it lazily on the shelf behind her.

"Mmhmm…about that time…" Sledge said, doing the same. Robbie always got on their case for not sorting everything, but they knew where it all was…mostly.

"Gonna crash in the nook again, Sledge?" she said, stretching her arms and craning her neck to meet the Moblin's eyes, "Might have to bring your bedroll down here if you keep this up!"

"Psh, I am too comfortable now to get up. Besides, Zayl is going to lay down to my right any minute."

"Heh, I don't blame it. You're practically a furnace with how cold it can get around here."

"Well I am a, what did you call me that one time…a hot commodity?"

They both let out a small laugh, slumping in their seats and feeling the weight of their eyelids after they finally pried away from their books. Aside from the whole ostrich fiasco, it had been a pleasant sleepy day - one that was just perfect for reading alongside someone.

"I'll tell ya one thing," Purah said, her eyes reflecting an uncharacteristic melancholy, "I sure am gonna miss this…"

"What, finishing our 'small' project? I will be relieved when we finally get all of that done…" Sledge said, loudly exhaling just thinking about all that still needed to be re-archived.

Purah shook her head, immediately regretting mentioning this at all.

"No, not that…just…this. I mean, I doubt we're all gonna be under the same roof when all of this is done. Linky's got his duties, Robbie and I have our research, and you all will have the most work of everyone…gathering the monsters that are left and trying to make your own spot in the world.”

Sledge grew quiet, breathing slowing down as it looked at Purah, who didn’t meet the Moblin in the eyes - staring downwards gripping her legs firmly.

“That is something I have tried not to think about too much, Purah. Ironically, we will be the busiest after The Calamity is destroyed. That said...I cannot see myself doing anything but this.”

With a soft inhale, Purah turned towards Sledge, surprised, but not disappointed.

“Are you sure?” she said, at first thinking it had misinterpreted her, “You’ve just done so much that I’m worried of any future monster settlement without you…heh.”

Sledge bit its lip and subconsciously twirled all of Purah’s hair around a single finger. This was something it did without thinking all the time, but Purah didn’t mind - it felt quite soothing, actually.

“I would not want them to depend on me, for I would worry how they would manage when…I am finally gone.” it said, slumping even further into the wall, “It would be nice to live somewhere built with our own hands, among fellow monsters, but…I would choose this, the friends I am lucky to have found, every time.”

Purah felt a warm flush in her cheeks, finding herself near speechless, instantly prompting her to switch to emergency sarcasm mode.

“Well that’s sure a relief, I got at least two more libraries of work for us when this project is done!” she said quickly in one breath, lightly tapping the Moblin’s leg before turning around and nearly burying her face in its warm arm. Sledge lightly chuckled and simply pulled Purah’s unused bedroll over her to act as a blanket.

“I am sure you will come up with something. It would be a shame for all of us to go our separate ways after what we have been through together…”

Sledge felt Purah make a slow nodding motion into its arm - the Moblins deep breaths reverberating through its body and lulling her into a deep sleep despite her glasses still pressing onto her face.

…

Hoz waited back at the stable with bated breath. He figured if anything went wrong he would hear the commotion immediately - but the lack of any ruckus also unnerved him. He had this entire time to stew on his decisions, or lack thereof, all while the other Hylians were watching him like a hawk. It had only been less than an hour, but the wait was so agonizing Hoz expected the sun to start to rise any second. Finally he saw the awkward figure of the Hylian sprinting towards the stable entrance, his panicked eyes visible even from a distance in the dark. Hoz’s stomach dropped a few feet.

“Oh, it was terrible, terrible I tell you!” he shouted dramatically, waking up half the stable and rousing the other half. The so-called Akkala Militia rushed to form a circle around Khini - desperate to hear his account from what he saw.

“It’s so much worse than I thought!” he rambled, face swiveling to ensure everyone saw his ghostly white face, “The Sheikah…the monsters…they’re…they’re plotting together! The Sheikah have taught them how to speak our language, how to read, how to build better weapons! They’re making an army under our very eyes!”

Commotion and panic spread through the crowd. All sorts of theories were thrown about, but Hoz was unconvinced.

“And you discerned all of that just by looking in?” he said with sternly crossed arms.

“But there’s more!” Khini cried, completely deflecting, “I have found that they’ve been hiding a horrible secret weapon this entire time: A gargantuan Hinox!”

For the first time Hoz was caught off-guard.

"What? A Hinox?"

Khini nodded, eyes wide as dinner plates.

“Yes! Just sleeping in their backyard - waiting to be unleashed upon the unsuspecting masses! How could anyone harbor such a ruthless beast if that wasn’t what they had planned!”

The mob exploded in pandemonium, ready to send their mini army up the hill right that second. Khini stood in front of them all, his mouth curled down in horror but his eyes clearly smug and victorious. Maybe it was not wanting to admit he was wrong, perhaps because he felt responsible for this mess that had gotten out of hand hours ago, but Hoz still felt compelled to stand firm. He was the bastion of reason left and would not fall to the pressure of the others.

"Are you sure that's what you saw? You're still dodging my question from earlier. How do you know that's what the Sheikah are doing?"

Khini gasped, looking around in shock trying to make the soldier appear unreasonable to everyone else.

“Open your eyes, Hoz! Don’t you see? It was the Shiekah all along! Isn't it rather convenient that their ancient tech just so happened to turn on us? They caused The Calamity 100 years ago, and now they’re trying to finish the job!”

That struck enough of a nerve in Hoz to actually fight back. Fire brewed in his eyes as he walked up to the other Hylian and stared him down inches apart.

“Nobody believes that crackpot conspiracy anymore, Khini, you’re the one with cotton in your ears!” he shouted, sending a spray of spit he was so angry, “I ought to slap the hair off your head for even suggesting such a horrid thought! Have you forgotten about the entire Yiga Clan? Because I haven’t! Because I’ve actually been doing my part to protect this stable, unlike you, who’s doing nothing but causing a panic on my watch!”

Hoz's pushback slightly swayed the militia, several of whom had started to look at their 'leader' with questionable glances. Many of them had heard stories of their own ancestors fighting alongside the Sheikah, trying to prevent The Calamity from completely swallowing Hyrule. Such a suggestion was not only disrespectful, but factually wrong. Khini quickly realized he took it too far, but knew what he had to do to get everyone back on his side again.

"Well…what about the Hinox, Hoz?" he shouted, pointing up the hill, "That thing poses a threat far greater than just 'a couple of monsters' that you saw! Yet here you are forcing us into this game! I could have died going up there because you didn't just give us the key!"

Almost like they were snapped back into their trance, all the heads of the crowd pivoted towards Hoz again - the barrage of jeers revving back up.

"Yeah what about the Hinox, Hoz?!"

“You’re getting in the way of justice!”

“Give us the key!”

“You’re putting our children in danger!”

Desperately looking for a lifeline, he turned to Rudi, still standing behind his desk, who simply shrugged and shook his head.

"Sorry, Hoz" Rudi said, his bushy mustache twitching, "Having a Hinox that close to my stable is a danger - even if the Sheikah are keeping it 'tame'. One wrong move and we're wiped off the map. I can't have something like that looming over us.”

“Rudi…not you too…”

“Please…just give them the key.”

Hoz looked at all the furious faces now surrounding him. He opened his mouth several times to try and say something, but every time he was practically growled at. They made their intentions clear: give them the key to the munitions shack, or they will find their own means to get what they want. The once-safe Akkala Stable felt nothing more than a den of wolves for Hoz, and throwing them a bone was his only way not to get ripped to shreds. Heart heavier than a Talus, he let out a defeated sigh and rummaged through his pockets. A tarnished silver key was unhooked from a keychain and tossed to Khini, who caught it with a grin as wide as a shark. Turned out he was bluffing about the key’s ‘hidden location’ the entire time.

"Alright. You win. But I'm washing my hands of anything that comes from this. You are all on your own." he said with his head hung low, ashamed of himself for even conceding like this. Khini turned to the group triumphantly, hands on his hips.

“My fellow Hylians, are you ready to rid this stable from the monster threat?" he shouted, met with raucous cheers. He then stuck his hand up for silence and they complied like well-trained hounds.

"But…I need time to recover from the near heart attack I got tonight. And we will need more light to see what this pretty little key gives us. We shall march up tomorrow when the last of the sun has set.”

“And just what are you planning on doing?!” Hoz said, still incredulous on the whole affair, “Don’t tell me you plan to recreate what happened at Hateno when these monsters haven’t even done anything yet!”

Many members of the crowd threw Hoz dirty looks, furious that he was still sticking up for these hypothetical monsters. Khini feigned his best hurt face and spread his arms out open-palmed.

“Goddess, no! We’re not like those farmer bumpkins from Hateno, we’re more civilized than that. We’ll issue them…an ultimatum. Deliver the monsters to us so that we may rightfully purge them from this land, and the Sheikah leave Akkala for good…or be razed to the ground!”

The mob cheered at the prospect, some of their eyes a little too eager for some action. Many wondered how they would even sleep tonight from the anticipation. Hoz winced, reaching for his flask ready to take a long swig before hesitating. Rather than bring that familiar smoky liquid to his lips, he popped the top off and unceremoniously dumped it all onto the dusty dirt road - worried that once he took a sip he wouldn't be able to stop.

There was one member of the stable that had been a silent observer this whole time. Sitting on a small stool at the back, going completely unnoticed, was an old Hylian woman by the name of Lettie. She was one of the most well-known residents of the stable, being one of the few Hylians left that was old enough to witness The Calamity, but her kindness and love of conversation was what she was best known for around these parts. Yet, thanks to the current affairs, nobody paid her a single mind the entire time she watched from afar. Pursing her lips, her wrinkled hands tightly gripped the table, shutting her eyes tight with a disappointed sigh. A small tattered book rested in her lap - a gift from a very special individual that lived in the lab on the hill.

This madness had to stop, but nobody else was stepping up to stop it…

Day 14: 28 days until the next possible Blood Moon

It was just past the crack of dawn in Rito Village, and Kobb was fast asleep in the guest hammock it had been provided at Teba's house - directly above Link who opted to sleep on the wooden floor despite the Bokoblin's protests. However, its sound slumber was not to last much longer. Near the top of the main rock spire, just below the Divine Beast's perch, a lone Rito guard cleared her throat and bellowed a loud high note in song throughout the air. The sound reached the tippy top of the village and more Rito called back, some matching the note, some harmonizing.

Like a tidal wave, the call of morning washed down from the top until nearly every Rito in the area was singing along. When it reached Kobb it heard Teba let loose a note an octave lower than the rest, and its ears twitched from the sudden wake-up call. Saki joined in and while she had a beautiful voice, it wasn't exactly the best way to wake up. Tulin's call was shrill and off-key which was when the noise became unbearable for the groggy Bokoblin. Desperately trying to muffle the chorus and get more sleep, Kobb squished it's pillow around its head - but to no avail. After about half a minute, the voices ceased but it was fruitless to try and fall back asleep after that. Defeated, Kobb looked to the ceiling and squinted until several heads came into view - Link, Saki and Teba.

"Wakey wakey, sleepyhead!" Saki said teasingly, causing Link to stifle a laugh.

"Augh…it is too early…" Kobb grumbled, especially feeling the hammock’s sag now.

"Well, you should get used to it while you're here! Rito Village always gets up as soon as we can see the sun!" Teba said, puffing his chest out proudly, "Helps us get a leap on the new day!"

Kobb turned its eyes to Link, who still looked slightly groggy, but it was clear he had grown accustomed to this tradition.

"Plus, we gotta get you to the Flight Range as soon as possible, since you're gonna need a lift from Teba," he said, looking at the older Rito who nodded gruffly, "We have only a day to teach you how to fly, remember?"

The memories of yesterday came flooding in and Kobb leaned its head back with regret. Its loose lips had gotten it into a duel with the ex-captain Thrush, and it would sooner jump in the lake from the top of the boardwalk than forfeit to that haughty Rito.

It really wished Link had brought Rezek here, instead. At least it knew how to fly on its own…

#botw #totk #botw fanfic #totk fanfic #ratc #rage against the calamity #loz #loz fanfic

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liedownquisition · 1 year ago

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SO,

which of those fics you’re hiding away appeals to you the most?

AND, what do you believe are the specific obstacles between you and figuring out how to finish it? if it’s a lack of foundation, what specifically is lacking in the foundation? if it needs more research, what would you need to research? if you’re not in the right mindspace anymore for the story you were telling, how has your mindset matured between then and now?

I think this is the first time I've had a legitimate and decent question in a really long time and honestly for that I'm going to give you a bit more information than you asked for bcs you've given me and Excuse.

First off, I'm going to give you info abt more than one, bcs asking which one "appeals" to me the most is like asking me to pick a favorite child, specifically the ones I have the most regrets about:

(This got super long I'm sorry)

(FE3H) A Study in Late-Onset Emotional Responsiveness - This is abt Byleth but in particular abt their response to *spoiler*'s death from a 3rd person perspective. I favor GD so it's from Claude's. The reason this makes the list is bcs while it's not as large as some of the other fics, it has what I think is one of my absolute best written little idk, metaphor isn't exactly what I'm looking for, but there's a poetry to it that just, I think it's good. I think it's real good.

(PJO) Love and Dying, Per the Sea - Not-really-Percico Hanahaki AU abt overcoming self-destructive loves and growing with it and growing against it. as much as I want to continue it, fandom climate grew in such a way that I was uncomfortable writing for characters in this age bracket/the age range of the target demographic. Also, I'd have to decide if I want to make it have a shippy endgame or not. Which again, Fandom got to be such a way that I got nervous about touching on any of that...

(DCMK) Bindings Between Us - Kaishin fic series centered around books and libraries. DCMK is... a fandom that has always been *good* to my fics and they're the one fandom that I contemplate writing for the most bcs of the validation they give me. This fic I would need to do a lot of research on esp mystery and heist novels since the "prequel" is abt them making sassy comments at each other via book exchange. there are two other prequels that I had ideas for/started to write but there's a decent bit of it that *relies* on the history of the book exchange, for that *and* the sequel. but also just, hm, i feel like outside of the prequel I don't feel as much direction in it (Note, you would not believe how many other DCMK fics I've got plotted out in my gdocs. Major fics even. The biggest roadblock to *all* of them is largely that either they need to be casefics, which I sometimes am not the cleverest at *making* puzzles even if I love solving them, or that there needs to at least be some degree of references to cases/heists to make it work.)

My writing has definitely matured a lot from my DCMK days, and I wonder if I could really manage to not make things... sound like they work together I guess. I like to think my character portrayals have gotten more in-depth and human, but in particular a lot of that means mess. I love mess, but not SOLID mess. like. Dynamic mess where people have flaws and hurt each other but work on it, or sometimes they just accept those flaws are going to hurt but they love someone enough to deal with it bcs it's not toxic - or, sometimes, it is toxic and it's about learning when to leave each other mutually even though it hurts but at least you had each other for a while - enough for it to have been good, enough before it became something bad. People are different and aren't going to agree. It's making the broken pieces of each other fit even though sometimes those pieces really really don't want to.

(TPP) Courtly Affairs - SpaceFae. Just... SpaceFae. The worldbuilding I have tucked away for this mfer that's never going to see the light of day even if I DID finish it is insane. I'm... so far behind on this podcast that I don't think I could do it justice until I do, but it's gotten *harder* for me to focus on them so it's... a lot. Mostly it's that yeah. well, and also a similar thing to the DCMK stuff is that all three of the fics that are supposed to go in this series are Casefics that build to one overhead case and like, that's a lot of interwoven Plot that I have to do just for character development. Lays down.

(NTWEWY) The Art of Living - this was posted as a oneshot, I'm very content with it, it's not my most popular work by a longshot bcs idc how big the fandom is in general but the dynamics that this oneshot covered are so very Niche that most people won't even look twice at it. "But Axel, this is about stuff you haven't written/posted, why are you talking about something you DID?" because, my friend, it was supposed to be multi-part, and I settled. It was supposed to be abt Josh being a shit who does nice things in the meanest way possible and Shoka calling him out and them roasting each other. But, also, about depression, suicidal idealization, and finding reasons to live for yourself and not just for other people. About finding Yourself when you want the people you care about to find You first and make the whole experience easier. It's a bit... raw, and I suppose that makes me nervous. (I also tried to get back into art/drawing with this one, I've got a picture all laid out for the scene but I can't bring myself to finish it.)

(AA) Unnamed LangWrightWorth - I have to confess that this one is actually the least planned out one. At least, not in the way the others are. Like? in the other ones (not counting the oneshot)? I've got several files of JUST notes and keeping track of things and Chapter Breakdowns. this one is just some rough backstory then some word vomit and a vague direction of where I wanna go with it/events I need to happen that I haven't notated outside of that One File. But it's got so much flavor. honestly? I think the biggest obstacle here is my brain is not fixated on this fandom rn.

Now we're in to my most recent fics in my Current Hyperfixation.

(DC/Batfam) Peggy Sue Me for Trying to Make Things Right - Jason Peggy Sue via deus ex machina. He recruits Tim as his civilian confidant and gets more than he bargained for. Most of the terrible stuff is canon in the original timeline with some concept-specific causes. I have arguably about 13+ batfam things but some that I feel more strongly like "oh I wish I could write and share this" and this is one of them. The main reason I do is bcs, well, you would not believe how many batfam fics I've read in the past…. idk, 6 months? I've gone through and read the majority of several major tags. a number of fics I've read more than once. This fic is one I really love the idea of but also am the most afraid of doing bcs there are dynamics in the fandom that I don't quite agree with. I tolerate many of them, but I don't agree with them on a legitimate basis. This fic has some *incredibly specific* dynamics in it, and those dynamics are messy. But, like, Human Messy. These people aren't inherently bad or good but sometimes they are Deeply Wrong about how they interact with each other and what they choose to do no matter how Noble they may try to be. This one is also a lil bit of a case fic. I worry about my ability to keep the plot from dragging as I air out the dirty laundry of every character involved.

(DC/Batfam) Essential Vigilante Guides -Jason Todd-centric. Utilized my highly specific Jason Todd's Bio family backstory that I thought was fun. Jason doesn't have a lot of canon friends from his Robin days and this fic doesn't exactly fix that - it's about him compensating for not having peers of his own by chatting up the only people he is around enough to build a relationship with: Villains. This right here is legitimately THE main fic I was referring to when it comes to having things plotted out to be honest, because each one that I think about maybe possibly sharing just kinda makes the feeling bigger. 3 seven-chapter fics either 3 oneshots or a single collection of those (and possibly other) oneshots to cover some gaps. the biggest issue here? Situations. I know what I want to do with the character dynamics. I know my goals for every single chapter. the problem is keeping it jazzy enough to not be some kind of monotonous "It's this situation again but with new character to interact in it!" Especially the second of the multichapter fics. It's... Big. It's intimidating. I don't have a good track record with multichapter fics/series even if this one is basically a bunch of vaguely linear oneshots set to Theme.

My biggest issue overall? Self-confidence. I've been out of the "posting my writing outside my writing discord where my 1 friend who loves me and everything I do can read it" game for so long that I guess I struggle to see value in my work. I struggle to believe that anyone would be interested in it. And, I know, and I fully support the "write for yourself, not anyone else" but the corollary to that is, admittedly, that if it's not for anyone else then why should I show it to anyone else.

IDK, don't get me wrong I love my friends but sometimes I need more support to push me to finish something, and It's been a struggle that I've fallen short on every time I try to get into a new community that could broker that. Not on the part of the community, but on mine. (no I haven't tried getting into any batfam-adjascent communities. I haven't been active in the DC fandom since... not since I used to RP a fanfic-inspired version of Wally West. And RP communities have gotten so much more intense than they used to be.)

#ax rants #long post #you know I've grown much more isolated in the past year or two than I was at the height of the pandemic #Drifted away from a number of friends who kept me going back then #and I had at least a couple irl friends within a decent distance of me that I could go see #but now? the only people here are my familly and I love them but...#it's not the same. And also no I can't just makes friends here are you crazy???#90% of these people are conservatives in a small town and I have no transportation I can access without asking someone to take me #also I have on-and-off wrist problems I can't afford to care for #I have solutions for that using voice but I've been mocked/judged by my family before for my writing and I'm afraid of them overhearing #and it happening again.

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aibloomie · 2 years ago

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hellooo can i have a (romantic) naruto matchup :D I'm transmasc and I prefer men/masculine people!

I'm an artist, mainly I do cutesey things and animation as well! I enjoy pixel animation mostly because pixel art in general is also a favorite of mine! I also love writing, and playing video game, generally I play RPGs!

My love language is touch, and my ideal date is either staying home and playing games together (or just watching them play/them watching me) or going out to like, a field or the woods or something naturey! Lying in the grass >>

I'm really bubbly and loud when I get excited, though thats only when I get really excited. Generally unless I'm excited I'm calm and quiet. I tend to get excited the more people I'm around. Though basically my personality is Pinkie Pie from MLP (according to my friends LMAO). I tend to be socially awkward though, I struggle in social scenarios cause I don't really understand them? Like you know that scene when Sai is reading books about how to have friends? Yeah thats me.

The first thing I notice in others is hair. I love hair. I prefer men with longer hair but it's not needed! Also I'm 5'0 and I like men who are taller then me. So you know, being 5'0 thats not a challenge. Personality wise I value humor above all else, I wanna laugh with people! And I'm really clingy (touch love language) so I prefer men who are open to cuddling/hugs often!! I'd understand if PDA was a limit with them but at least a little bit yknow?

I'm autistic so my biggest pet peeve is just refusing to understand my limits with some things. Like I can't eat onions, I just can't. They make me cry. Same with bright lights or when it gets too loud. Lights espiecally hurt me, I prefer the dark (with some light since I'm also scared of the dark, great combo).

Strengths/weaknesses for me I'd say my strength is that I'm creative? I'm an artist so anything with colors or designs just speaks to me. I also find patterns easily, pattern finding is one of my favorite things. Weaknesses is that honestly I give up easily. As soon as I hid a roadblock I tend to just shut off. I also have the tendency to isolate myself often, annnd I tend to talk a lot, espiecally about my passions (I talked for 15 minutes straight about Naruto to my friend the other day and she said it was okay but I felt so bad-)

I'm sorry this is so long- just as a last little note I like to mention is that I can't be trusted with pens. I draw on myself and others a lot, as soon as I see a pen, boom I've drawn like 13 cats on my arms and absolutely at least one cat on the closest friends arm.

Thank you so much I hope you have a good day <3

no worries on it being long !! it helped out a lot so thank you, I hope you have a good day/night too <33 I enjoyed reading it all and getting your match (also please I'm the same way I used to talk to one of my friends about naruto for hours even though they hadn't watched it </3 talking about passions is just so fun when someone is willing to listen)

also I hope it's okay I included a mini platonic matchup because it comes with the package <3

I think your perfect match would be naruto !! he would love every single aspect of your personality and he'd be able to give you everything you want <3

♡ he wouldn't mind listening to you talk about whatever you're passionate about, even if it lasted over an hour or you brought the topic up very often !! he would admire you so much, his cheeks would start hurting from smiling so much as he stares at you with a lovesick expression because he gets so happy when you're all excited about something. and he asks a lot of questions about the topic, to make sure you know that he is genuinely interested and cares about what you have to say

♡ when you're with him, it doesn't really matter if you're socially awkward because he doesn't mind at all. naruto can easily start conversations and keep them flowing, so you don't have to worry about that.

♡ he thinks your artistic and writing abilities are really cool !! he'll constantly be asking if you have done anything new in those departments because he's curious and wants to see what his beloved is working hard on <33

♡ naruto loves any form of physical affection and pda !! the first thing on his mind when returning from a mission is you, and when he lays eyes on you the first thing he'll do is shout your name excitedly before running towards you (not caring if he accidentally pushes anyone in the process) and embracing you and spinning you because he missed you so much. plus naruto is very clingy so he doesn't like leaving your side, expect him to be trying to hold onto you in some form 24/7

♡ he gets really flustered when you're the one initiating the physical affection </3 he'll get all red and start stuttering at first before easing into it and smiling because you truly make him feel so loved and appreciated

♡ usually, his house is somewhere he feels really alone in because no one used to visit and he doesn't have any family. but !! after the two of you start dating and you come over to have dates at his house, it quickly becomes a place he builds a lot of good memories in !! his favorite date would probably have to be buying some ramen and then eating it at his house with you (if you try to feed it to him then he will combust and he'll start choking on the mouthful he already has, he'll be okay though </3) and he loves being outside too !! so he'll love laying down in a pretty and comfortable green field with you, snuggled up all next to you.

♡ you match his energy really well !! naruto is very optimistic and energetic, and you're bubbly so it's a match made in heaven <3 he is naturally very funny so he'll make you laugh all the time. the two of you will never feel discouraged by each other, and will instead always uplift each other. sure, naruto is a positive person but even he falls into negativity sometimes. so having someone like you by his side will motivate him to keep moving forward

♡ naruto will be a source of inspiration for you, he always checks up on you when you're upset and distancing yourself because he knows something is wrong when you start isolating yourself. he knows the feeling, and wants to support you and not let you shoulder all your pain yourself. he's very determined and encourages you to not give up !! (plus it's kind of hard to when naruto always tries to achieve his goals, no matter how many times he fails)

♡ whenever you sleep over at his place, he'll be holding onto you the entire time (unless you need some space, then he'll have to sleep on the floor because he naturally inches closer to you when he's sleeping </3 as if you were a teddy bear, and he doesn't get offended if you need space, he understands) and he makes sure you feel safe, because he knows you don't feel comfortable in the dark

♡ also the thing about pens? I think naruto would always carry one with him and give it to you so you can draw all over him !! it makes him feel so loved </3 and yes he will definitely run around town all excited and telling everyone that you drew all of them (because he wants everyone to know the two of you are together)

PLATONIC MATCHUP

♡ kakashi is generally on the calmer side, so he'd balance you out !! despite his exterior appearance and intimidating first impression, he's really nice and would enjoy your company. your personality would make him really happy and he kind of changes a little when he's with you, if that makes sense? like everyone in town can see that when he's hanging out with you, he's a little more talkative than usual and they can see the corners of his eyes crinkling because he smiles more often too

♡ as someone who enjoys reading in his free time, his interest will peak when he finds out that one of your hobbies is writing. and also he won't admit it but he's a sucker for cute things !! so whenever you show him/talk about something cute you drew then he'll be internally dying because oh my god he also loves it so much

#(🏵) — matchups #none of my current friends watch anime or play video games so </3 IT'S A STRUGGLE #but once you find that one person who listens to everything you have to say and all your interests? 😩 it's the best

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katyspersonal · 1 month ago

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First,

Second, these are all really good thoughts, I love them so much! ;-; I was also thinking about this ship, actually!

And yes, I agree how it is frustrating that Kood doesn't have a personality besides just being a head of the Fire Knights! We have Hilde who was the most insistent on preserving knowledge about Hornsent for the history, old necromancer Wego who whines about having no friends despite them being here including his apprentice Salza (xDDD), sagely Salza himself whose intellect is apparently his biggest thing and who revels in burning villages but then despises barbarism (sure whatever you say dude..... 💀) and Queelign who is somehow both ray of sunshine of the group and the most horrifying and fanatical about Crusade at the same time! But Kood is like.... he is just there too I guess...

But maybe this exact thing IS what could be used to characterize him more? Whereas other (named) Fire Knights stand out and do their individual thing, Kood just guards the entrance to Messmer! So what if Kood is number one Messmer's yes-man? Queelign devotes his all to Marika, and sees Messmer as his role model because Messmer is as much of the blade of Marika's "justice" as one can get in his eyes! But Kood just likes Messmer x) It isn't really about Marika.

So he would be the one breaking fights the most often, and often "on Messmer's behalf"! Like, someone expresses even a slight insubordination or doesn't seem passionate and enthusiastic for the Crusade "enough" today, and Kood will verbally obliterate them XD To the point sometimes even Messmer himself is like "man calm down, I am not that insulted 🤦‍♂️" hfhtjdhhg Kood enjoys his position of the leader and takes it very seriously. He knows the name and habits of every Knight, can instantly spot if someone's faith starts to vane and motivate them (usually with threats xD), knows every Knight's birthday and likes to organize events when appropriate! (I don't know if you guys watched the show Wander over Younder, but honestly halfway through typing this I realized he gives me major Mayor Peepers vibe XD)

So yeah, he would be skeptical about Queelign for a while! Kood would be the "Oh, so you like Messmer? Name every single obscure fact about him" regarding Queelign and be the judge of how "worthy" he is of taking after him! Kood is especially strict to him, teasing him like "You think Messmer's devotion to exterminating all spurn of Marika's grace is his main trait, hmm?", making Queelign blush from embarrasment and enjoying the sight of Queelign trying to come up with what else he likes in Messmer.. and getting more and more heated, summoning more and more details from his memory, much to Kood's satisfaction. Though Kood could at times ask Queelign whether he is even aware how much Messmer is suffering because of her, or why the FUCK does Quelign THINK all Marika statues have heads destroyed. It would, or course, spawn heated conflict, because Queelign refuses to take the implications that Messmer has some grudges towards 💫 her 💫..

Meanwhile, I agree that Queelign's obsession with Marika is a massive roadblock for his feelings! When Queelign has a crush on someone, he sure won't even realize it until much later.. because he is fixated on the idea that he can only love Marika... 🙄 Of course, intense religious reverence is not the same as loving a fellow human (or equivalent of such), so he can fall in love! He just won't understand how much he cares for someone until actions start to speak for him and someone points it out :p I swear bro could lay in bed with someone he just had sex with and be like "wow I sure love being so close with my FRIEND who ALSO simps only for MARIKA like me!" At the same time, Kood I think would not quite understand just how much of a blockhead Queelign can be about these things!

Their relationship would be quite a slow burn from arguing and Kood being quite strict on Queelign to mutually warming up to each other, but I imagine lack of communication! Kood would think it was obvious that they're into each other and are a pair, Queelign would never think of it until directly asked. And he would be so, so embarrassed... Maybe even get angry and yell at him for daring to think he could have his eyes on anyone when he already gives everything to Marika! ..and then actually think about everything up until this point in some sleepless night like "😳 wow I was into him this whole time?". I like that they have fuel for conflicts already, conflicts are healthy! But they also have capacity for offering good things to each other; Kood I can imagine a very good person for helping Queelign to "mature" and swallow the hard truths through his idealistic delusions, and Queelign could instead help the always-tense Kood relax, look at things that stress him through simpler lense and dream with the way he sees things <:3

Anyways thank you soooo much @queelignapologism and @rhea-tori I wish you all the inspiration and energy for your fanfic!!

Thoughts on queelign x captain kood? I'm writing a fanfic

Oml you are??? I could cry rn 😭

Definitely an interesting ship, it’s just a shame we know so little about Kood in canon apart from the winged helm description :( But them being the only two fire knights to drop impaling-themed ashes of war upon defeat… One being vertical and the other horizontal… Mhmmmm 👀

To me, Kood and Queelign seem to somewhat complete eachother, one being a childish and naive version of Messmer, the other being pretty much the opposite, aka a responsible adult who is closer to the current Messmer. I think this could lead to a pretty interesting dynamic, maybe with Kood trusting Queelign because of the obvious sincerity of his devotion and Queelign respecting Kood because of his proximity to Messmer, and by extension the large role he plays in the carrying out of Marika’s will. It’s hard to see Queelign adore anyone more than Marika however, as it looks like he devotes everything he does in his life to her alone (« All this time, I held in my heart only thee! »). So I kinda feel like his opinion of others would be based on their attitude to Marika 🤷🏻‍♀️

Because of that, I could see feelings being pretty one-sided, with Queelign being too focused on Marika to really notice anyone else. But maybe that doesn’t rule out the possibility? Maybe one day, the idiot blondie will realize that a certain captain has lost about thirty years of his lifetime (if those are even a thing in Elden Ring) stressing out over him disappearing for a few days to kill random Tarnished kilometers away from the Keep?

Also, as many have pointed out (including @katyspersonal who I very much admire) Queelign is the only Fire Knight not to have any physical alterations (long arms, burnt face) or any red hair. As such, maybe Kood and the others see him as someone to protect? Someone whose « purity » hasn’t been tainted by Messmer’s curse? I could imagine Kood being careful with the tasks assigned to him, or maybe even comforting him when hope begins to dim like when we meet him again in the Church District.

Ssjsbdndnskdj I have so many thoughts about them I’m rambling. Once again, most of this is just headcanon cuz we know absolutely nothing about Kood :| Do let me know about the progress of your fanfic!! Any form of Queelign content is GENEROUSLY appreciated :3 Bonus: Queelign being a short king

(Source : EldenRing Fights on yt)

#elden ring #dash commentary #elden ring headcanons #fire knight queelign #kood captain of the fire knights #shipping #what do we call it?#koolign #? xD

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jerryterry · 2 years ago

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sorry if this has been asked before, but you have any video plans for halloween 👀👀👀

I actually spoke about this a bit on Twitter:

I've got a lot of very (probably over-)ambitious ideas for the next entry. I really feel that I gotta up the ante here and not tread the exact same ground as before. I haven't really had the best year for working toward stuff like that, but rest assured stuff's been brewing.

I also spoke on there a while back about some side-ideas I had to develop this story parallel to the main vids - Kiss Me's planning brought about a lot of stuff in my head about the wider story of this stuff. Back during Boys it was mostly just a silly project with no wider plans. You can probably tell that by the time of Kiss Me, my ideas have developed into something a lot wider that I'd really love to expand upon.

I've been toying with the idea of some sort of supplementary audio project in the meantime. I had the idea for two series running in tandem - an anthology series set in 2003, and a modern-day series from a different perspective running in parallel (the two would provide wider context for eachother, as well as the interesting dramatic irony of having knowledge of the future). The biggest roadblock there was that the only premise I'm really interested in (an administrator tasked with digitizing and categorizing unknown audio evidence into the Ulsbridge Database) feels like a massive unavoidable Magnus Archives ripoff (especially being British) 😔 There's honestly not much tweaking of the format I feel I could do to get away from that comparison, so it remains shelved for the time being while I think about it.

In the meantime I'm actually working on my biggest (and most complex work-wise) non-halloween video yet, it's a bit of a departure from my usual stuff and the subject matter is very silly but I'm hoping the work put in will really win people over and set a quality standard for my 'main' content moving forward.

While I'm effectively giving you the JerryTerry State of Address: It's been suggested to me by multiple friends that I set up some kinda patreon-like system (especially since my next Halloween video's gonna need a budget, if my plans stick), but truthfully I've been resisting that since I don't feel I put out enough mainline content to justify it. It's been suggested I've got a lot of fun exclusive stuff to offer to make it worth it (a billion WIPs, Harlow even recommended I make music tutorials), I might introduce something like that off of the back of my next big vid if it goes down well, we'll see.

Haha god sorry for using your ask as a springboard into an overall Jerry Update, but thought it'd be nice to just lay out where I am content-wise.

#long post #Jerry Update

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diaphragmjellyfish · 4 years ago

Text

Careful

So after I wrote that last Paul fic involving vaginismus, I got quite a few messages saying how much it meant to some of you and I just want to say how much it warms my heart to bring others joy or comfort through my writing. Like I’ve been telling a lot of you, fan fictions are amazing. I love them. But they’re not always realistic, and that can be damaging to people who think sex is supposed to go a certain way and then blame themselves when it’s not like that. We’re all different, and everyone deserves to have a partner that cares about your well-being and pleasure. Don’t settle for less.

Seth Clearwater x vaginismus!reader smut

(Seth is 18+ in this)

Being with Seth Clearwater was, in a word, magical. He truly was the best boyfriend you could ever ask for. He was always there for you when you were upset or having anxiety, always made you smile and laugh, got you cute little presents or sometimes cool rocks that he found on patrol, and was super physically affectionate. Hugs, kisses, cuddles, hickeys, hand-holding. Y’all were the poster children for PDA. It made you nervous when you first started dating, because you thought he would want to get intimate right away. You knew that if you told him you didn’t want to have sex right away, he would be more than understanding. That’s just the kind of person he was. But you feared that holding off on intimacy would damage your relationship. Seth’s love language was physical touch. Yours was too, so stopping things every time it got too heated was a big roadblock in the relationship. Or so you thought.

The day came where you had to tell Seth about your vaginismus. He had asked tons of questions before letting you know how he felt about it all. What causes it? What does it feel like? How does the physical therapy work? Is there anything I can do to help? Once you explained the logistics of it all, you guys could start to be more open and honest about what you were comfortable with doing. It turns out, he thought you just didn’t want to be intimate with him. He thought you were only sticking around because of the imprint bond. Once you explained that yes, you definitely really really want to have sex with him, you just can’t right now, he was all smiles and wanted to try all kinds of stuff that didn’t involve penetration. You guys would have super open conversations about what he could and couldn’t do to you, and started experimenting with the things you were comfortable with. Let’s just say, Seth became an absolute master in the art of oral sex. For a while, it was all he could do, so he did it. A lot. I mean, you’d have to physically pull him away sometimes when it got too sensitive. He loved knowing that he could make you feel so much pleasure. It made him feel needed. Wanted. And of course you returned the favor.

You guys definitely have the foreplay routine down pat. Seth was almost always there when it came time for you to dilate every day. He would sit next to you, hold your hand, kiss you, or just talk to you about his day. Whatever you wanted, and whatever would distract you. He was so supportive, that when the day finally came that you wanted to try having penetrative sex with him, he said no. He didn’t think you had been using the biggest dilator long enough. What if he hurt you? What if you just didn’t like it? What if what if what if…..

But you had been waiting long enough. His support honestly turned you on. Every day when he would sit there while you did your therapy, you wanted to jump his bones for being so. Damn. sweet. No guy had ever cared about you to the point of withholding from sex for you. They always just let you put up with the pain. Not Seth.

“But baby, what if it hurts you?” he voiced.

“Then we can stop and try again another time.”

“But what if-”

“Seth,” you cut him off. “I know my body. Believe me, I’ve had to pay attention to it every day for the past year and a half while I did my exercises. I’m ready. If you don’t want to, that’s fine, but don’t say no because of me. I want to try.” You sounded so soft and adorable while you said the last part that he nearly melted through the floor. Here he was, with the most beautiful girl on the planet all but begging him to have sex with her, and he was hesitating. That’s what love made you do.

“Ok, we can try. But you have to promise, I mean really promise, that the second it starts to feel anything but good, you’ll tell me.” His voice was laced with concern.

“I promise,” you said with so much confidence that he had to believe you.

“Alright. So we’re doing this. Did you want to… try it like, now?” The poor boy was a blushing mess right now. You just nodded your head and smiled. “Okay. Cool. Yeah, that’s cool. We can do it now. I’m totally down with that.” You knew based off of the way he was acting that you were going to have to make the first move, so you walked up, grabbed his face between your hands, and kissed him.

He seemed stiff, so you pulled away and said, “Everything ok?”

“Yeah! Yeah, yeah. Everything is perfect. I just… do you want to go to my room?” Again, you just nodded, and let him take your hand and lead you into his bedroom, closing the door behind you guys. Jeez, he seemed more nervous than you were. You sat down on the middle of his bed, and reached your arms out and did grabby-hands until he laughed and joined you, lying you down and hovering over you. He kissed you sweetly, giving you every opportunity to say stop. You didn’t, but instead threaded your fingers up through his inky hair and pulled him closer to you. He took this as a green light to deepen the kiss, and brush his tongue up against your own. You guys continued kissing for a while since this was comfortable territory for you both. He eventually started moving his hands under your shirt, first massaging your stomach with his thumb and then moving up. He pulled back from you suddenly, eyes wide. “No bra?”

“Nope. I didn’t want anything to get in the way today,” you smirked and slid your hands over his shoulders. He had a look of awe on his face as he pulled the hem of your shirt up. You sat up and took it off, throwing it to the floor. Okay, yeah, so you were eager. You’d never enjoyed sex before and you thought you actually might for the first time. It was exciting.

As you laid back down, his eyes never left yours. He came back down for another kiss before trailing his mouth down your jaw, suckling at your neck for a few minutes before it was covered in faint red marks, and moved down to your breasts. Seth had always worshipped your chest. It was one of his favorite parts of your body. The size, the shape, the feel, were all beyond perfect to him. You gasped as he took a nipple into his mouth, your back arching up into him. He brought his hand up to massage your other breast while his tongue continued swirling around the first one. You closed your eyes and tipped your head back, just relaxing into the feeling and letting your muscles be at ease. He sat up for a second, which was far too long, to take his shirt off, and you opened your eyes to admire his sculpted body. You would have loved him even if he wasn’t a shapeshifting beast, but damn, the muscles that came with were such a nice bonus. And they weren’t just for show. You never told him this, but whenever he picked you up so easily or carried you around or pushed you up against a wall, you got beyond turned on. You always wondered what it would be like to have him actually get rough with you, but that would be for another time.

Once Seth thought your boobs had been shown enough attention, he slid his hand back down to your stomach, and then lower. He fiddled with the waistband of your jeans before popping the button at the front and dragging the zipper down torturously slow. You felt so hot at this point that you thought you would climb out of your skin if he didn’t touch you properly soon. You raised your hips in a silent signal for him to take them off, but he was too distracted by the feeling of your soft skin to notice.

“Seth,” you whispered. He looked up at you, hand already stilling in case you wanted to stop.

“What’s wrong?” he panicked.

“Nothing is wrong. Can you help me take these off?” His eyes widened at this, and then he smiled. He sat up on his knees, gripping the waistband of your jeans on either side of you, and you raised your hips as he pulled them down slowly, admiring your legs as each inch of them was revealed. His breath caught in his throat as he took in the lacey g-string you were wearing, which you had bought specially for this moment. You never really cared about wearing cute underwear before since it would always end up on the floor anyways, but this was a big day. At least you hoped it would be. So you wanted to wear something cute, and boy did Seth appreciate it.

Once your jeans were all the way off, he gave a low whistle and said, “damn. My girlfriend is the most beautiful woman alive. How did I get so lucky?”

You hit his shoulder and looked away blushing at this. And then… oh, then.

Your sexy werewolf boyfriend lay down on his stomach in between your thighs, lifting your legs onto his shoulders, and gave you a smirk that could only be described as savagely canine. He kissed the insides of your thighs, nipping here and there before soothing with his tongue, inching closer and closer to where you really wanted him to be. He liked to take his time with this part. He flattened his tongue and gave your center a broad lick over your panties, eliciting a small gasp. He did this several more times until your hips were writhing and grinding, desperate for more friction. He reached under you, gripping the fabric of your underwear before all but ripping them off you.

“Hey, easy. Those were expensive,” you haphazardly pointed, too lost in the moment to really care.

“I’ll buy you new ones,” he spoke lowly into your center right before diving in and wrapping his lips around you, sucking and kneading with his tongue. You gave a small moan, fingers once again tangling in his hair. He kept this up, alternating between firm licks and small sucks, his tongue constantly flicking that perfect spot. Seth heard in Paul’s head through the mind link once that porn wasn’t accurate at all to what women actually got off on. You were supposed to pick 2, maybe 3 key moves and do those until she was close, and then just keep doing exactly that until she came. Women are about consistency and rhythm, so if you change it up, they have to start all over. This advice had not failed him yet. Had not failed either of you, and you could have kissed Paul if you found out that that’s where Seth had gotten this tip. Fifteen delicious minutes later and you were teetering on the edge. You used to be insecure about how long you took to finish, but Seth had always reassured you that he just wanted you to feel good, and he would spend all day between your legs if he could. You were right there, legs shaking and eyes screwed shut, but couldn’t quite get that knot in your stomach to unravel. Seth pulled away, sensing your impatience, and knew you needed a little push. He got up and opened your bedside table, pulling out the large bottle of lube that you used for dilating, slathering his middle finger in it, and laid back down between your legs.

You knew what he was going to do, and trusted him enough to be careful, so you lie back and relax, knowing he would get you there no matter what. He dove back in with his lips, tongue flicking and rubbing for another few seconds before positioning his finger at your entrance, swirling it around to distribute the lube. He looked up at you, knowing you liked to guide his hand at first to make sure you were comfortable. You grabbed his hand, sliding his finger in slowly, inch by inch. You were pretty worked up at this point, so it didn’t take very long before his finger way fully inside you. He stilled his hand, waiting for you to give the all-clear, still sucking at your clit like a starving man. You tugged at his hair, shifting your hips against his hand, which he knew to be the cue to start moving. You didn’t much like the in-out feeling of being fingered. You preferred the pressure of him pressing on certain spots. He twisted his finger slowly so that his palm was facing upward, and began to stroke your top wall, making you shudder.

This was going to push you over that edge. Several minutes of consistency, pressure, and suction had you cumming hard, grinding on his face and moaning his name loudly. When you came down, Seth was still going, though more gently since he knew how sensitive you got post-orgasm. You had to whine and tug on his hair to get him to take his mouth off you, his finger stilling but remaining inside.

“Wow,” you breathed, eyes closed in a haze.

“Wow yourself, Gorgeous,” he winked at you. You made a move to reach down and grab him through his sweatpants, but Seth was quick to pull your hand away. “This is about you tonight,” he said with total sincerity. You wanted to argue that it was about both of you, but you knew he had his mind set on taking care of you, so you decided to let him. “You ready to try, baby?”

“Hell yes,” you laughed, sitting up. “Maybe I could start on top? That’s how I dilate and I could control it better that way.”

“I was just about to say the same thing,” he teased back. He moved to lie back against the headboard after taking his pants off as you kneeled on the edge of the bed, grabbing the bottle of lube. While you were turned away from him, he brought his hand to a cheeky slap on your ass, catching you by surprise.

“Hey!” You squealed and then giggled, turning to give him a playful glare.

“I couldn’t resist! It was right there,” He said, holding his hands up in surrender.

You simply rolled your eyes at this, grabbing a condom from the bedside table as well. You turned to him, still kneeling, and handed him the condom, which he ripped open with his teeth (and it was so hot). He slowly rolled it onto his rock hard dick, keeping a hand around the base as he looked up at you. “You absolutely sure about this?” he questioned.

“Yes Seth. I really want to.”

With this, you climbed up to straddle his lap, squirting generous amounts of lube onto him and spreading it around with your hand. You knelt up, positioning him at your entrance after throwing the lube on the floor. He sat straight up, hands going around your waist, one reaching up behind you to cradle your head. He gave you a passionate kiss as you lowered slightly, letting the tip of him find its way in. You stopped here, doing some deep breathing as Seth stared intently at your face, looking for any signs of discomfort. Seth was slightly smaller than your largest dilator, but what had you slightly concerned was the friction. The in-out-in-out factor usually caused you pain when you tried bouncing on your dilators. You would just have to keep the lube on stand-by and remember to breathe with your stomach.

When you were sure you would be ok, you lowered more, sinking down an inch with every exhale. Seth lovingly rubbed your back, hand petting your hair as he waited patiently for you to adjust. You felt unbelievable around him, but he didn’t want to express too much pleasure, fearful that you would put up with any pain for his benefit. He settled for nuzzling his nose into the crook of your neck, holding you as close as he physically could. You lightly scratched at his shoulders, holding on for dear life. You had to stop for a moment at the half-way point, trying your best to control your pelvic muscles and picturing a flower bud opening in your mind. Slowly, you lowered another inch, and then another, and another, until you could feel his thighs touch you. At this, you sat down fully on his lap, his cock sheathed fully inside of you.

I need a minute you thought. This was a lot. Silicone dilators were one thing, but to have your boyfriend inside you like this was completely different. He was warm, hot even, and you could feel his pulse, feel the throb in his veins. The twitch of him deep inside you.

“Fuck,” Seth gasped quietly, as if he didn’t want you to hear.

“Feels good?” you questioned.

“Mm-hmm. Are you okay?” He asked right back, face still buried in your neck.

“I think so. Just give me a second.”

“Take all the time you need, baby. Do you want me to touch you?” His hand came over from your back and he grazed your lower stomach with his knuckles.

“No. Too much,” was all the answer he needed before he wrapped his arm around your back once again, massaging your skin soothingly. This was going on too long, you thought. Seth was probably dying right now. You didn’t want him to suffer, so you lifted your hips a couple inches, sinking back down on him. You felt a stinging sensation at your entrance, but ignored it. Before you could lift your hips again, Seth grabbed your waist in a vice-like grip, still holding you against him but stopping all movement.

“Don’t you dare,” he spoke softly yet firmly. “I can feel how tense your muscles are right now. Relax and then you can try again.” You wanted to cry at this. He was getting frustrated. He was going to break up with you! But you silenced those negative comments and realized he was right. So you took some deep breaths again, focusing on the pressure of his tip deep in your walls, the feel of his fingers grazing your back, his other hand playing with your hair. You closed your eyes and focused only on the sensations. “There you go, Sweetheart,” he said as he felt you relax around him. Instead of going straight up and down this time, you ground your hips against his, making circles on top of him. And it felt… good? Jesus. For the first time in your life, sex wasn’t hurting. It still felt a little tight and stiff, but it didn’t hurt. So you kept at it. Your breathing picked up at the sensation, along with the exertion of kneeling for so long. Seth pulled his face out of your neck and used the hand that was petting your hair to pull you into a passionate kiss. You guys made out as you continued to circle your hips, both of your breathing labored. Seth gripped your ass in one of his hands, helping control your movements as your legs began to shake.

“You getting tired, baby?” he questioned, even though he could see that you were. You just nodded, slowing down a little. “Do you want to try a different position? Maybe one where I could do some work?” You wanted to, but were nervous. The trust you had for Seth was absolute, but what other position could work?

“Like what?” you questioned hesitantly.

He thought for a moment, hands stilling your hips, before he cracked a smile. “I have an idea. Here,” he spoke as he shifted you both further down the bed and laid back so he was flat on his back, you still on top of him. He brought you down so you were stomach to stomach, hands going to the small of your back, and planted his feet on the bed. He held you close as he lightly thrusted up into you.

“Oh,” you breathed a moan. This felt really good. Being on top and controlling the movement had been good to adjust, but having Seth fuck up into you like this was another level of pleasure. He barely thrusted, but still hit the right spots. And you could still easily lift your hips to pull away if it started to hurt.

“Good?” he whispered.

“Mm-hmm. Oh my God,” you whispered to yourself, reaching up with one hand to grab the headboard. You thought you heard him breath a laugh, but were too lost in the moment to pay much attention to anything but Seth’s movements. He kept a steady pace of small thrusts, going slowly, never questioning the pace or pushing your limits. After a while, you started to push your hips back against his as he went into you.

“You want to try going a little faster, Sweetheart?” he questioned gently.

“Yes,” you said with half-lidded eyes as you looked right into Seth’s coffee-colored irises.

He brought himself out a little further at this, pushing back into you slightly faster than before, and hitting that perfect soft spot inside you that had your toes curl. You released a real moan this time, and Seth swore he could have cum from that sound alone. He kept this pace up, not daring to go any faster since you both were already enjoying it so much and he didn’t want to risk ruining the moment with pain. For the first time in your life, you felt actual pleasure from penetration, and you wanted more. You wanted to cum, and you felt like you actually could. With this realization, you brought one of your hands down to your swollen clit, rubbing tight circles on it that had your moans go up in pitch.

Seth grabbed your hand, putting it back on his chest as he reached down and began rubbing you with his own fingers and cockily stating, “That’s my job.” You felt your eyes roll back in your head at this, and it was the hottest thing Seth had ever seen. You felt a knot begin to form in your stomach, tightening faster than it ever had before. After just a couple more minutes of this, you moan “Oh, Seth. I think I’m gonna cum.” Of course this only spurred him on to keep going. Consistency, he reminded himself. Don’t change a thing. And he didn’t, not until you were seeing stars, trembling on top of him and screaming his name as your climax crashed into you like a wave. You had to rip his hand off your dripping center when the sensations became too much, and he stilled inside of you.

“Did you finish?” you questioned him once you came down, confused. If he had, it had sure been subtle.

“No, but I didn’t know if you were okay to keep going. You seem pretty sensitive right now.”

“Seth, I want you to cum too. Just… do you think you could like, not take a while? Like, could you finish in the next couple minutes? I’m okay now but I don’t want to push it.”

“Baby, I can finish in the next 30 seconds after looking at your face while you came like that.” You blushed deeply at this, breath picking back up again as he continued to gently thrust into you. He screwed his eyes shut after a couple thrusts, losing rhythm in his hips as he spilled into the condom with a growl and relaxed underneath you. “Fuck,” was all he said.

You laughed. “Yeah, fuck.”

He let you sit up and pull off of him at your own pace before dismounting and moving to walk to the bathroom.

“Wait! Wait,” he almost yelled, startling you half to death as he sat up, removed and tied off the condom, and hopped off the bed to throw it away. “This is the part where you let me clean you up and take care of you.”

“You just did take care of me, Seth,” which made him giggle.

“Not like that silly goose! Just stay there.” He joked as he made his way into the bathroom, coming out with a damp towel. “Spread ‘em,” he motioned towards your legs. You laughed deeply, obliging. He was ultra gentle as he wiped the lube off the insides of your thighs, kissing your knees as he finished. Then, he threw the towel into the hamper and retrieved his softest sweatshirt and placed it over your head as you moved your arms into the sleeves. “And now, we cuddle.” He looked so damn pleased with himself.

You laid your head on Seth’s warm chest, his arms coming to wrap around your waist. You two stayed like this for a while, just soaking in the details of what just happened. You did it. You had sex with your boyfriend. Actual penetrative sex, and it didn’t hurt.

As if reading your mind, Seth spoke. “I’m so proud of you.”

#twilight #twilight smut #seth clearwater #seth clearwater x reader #seth x reader #vaginismus #dilating #booboo stewart #paul lahote #embry call #wolf pack #sam uley #jacob black #jared cameron

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