#honestly last life is like my most favorite season to date

[bre4yd]

May the stars guide you

[respectthepetty]

Upcoming Taiwanese BLs

We are over halfway through 2024, and as usual, I've only had two Taiwanese BLs (Unknown, Anti Reset), so even though I'm sitting on a stack of BLs to watch every single week from other countries, call me Smaug because I need MORE!

Honorary Korean BL: Uncovering the Curse of Taekwondo (2024)

Former friends (and possibly lovers) reunite at a funeral after going their separate ways for over a decade, but, honestly, I don't care about the plot because this comes from Hwang Da Seul who was behind Blueming, To My Star, and Where Your Eyes Linger, so I know it's going to be amazing. There is a movie and a series version, and the movie already premiered at the Bucheon International Fantastic Film Festival in South Korea at the beginning of July. The runtime was 154 minutes, but the series is eight episodes around thirty minutes each and is currently seeking distribution.

First Note of Love (August 2024)

My most beloved, Charles Tu, from my favorite BL HIStory 4: Close to You is finally returning to me in the form of a washed-up singer who stepped away from the spotlight due to a tragic event only to be dragged back in by an up-and-coming composer who is also a longtime fan. It is a joint production with Thailand's Star Hunter Entertainment (the company behind Big Dragon, Love Senior, City of Stars, and Sunset x Vibes) and features a side couple of a Thai singer and a Taiwanese agent. It will involve singing, but I'm already too comfortable in my seat with my snacks to care.

Fragrance of the First Flower Season 2 (2024)

The lone GL holding down this list finished filming late last year and Gagaoolala has been releasing BTS images since filming began, so it'll likely land there once it is released. The series is a continuation of the 2021 first season, which people were not thrilled about because of the ending, so this season should solve some of the angst we were left with by exploring the two women actually coming together to navigate life as a couple.

The Only One (August 2024)

Directed by Liu Kuang Hui, who directed Your Name Engraved Herein, written by the same folks behind The Untamed, and based on Mu Su Li's novel A Certain Someone which is about two boys whose parents are dating and move in together, so the mains go from enemies-to-??? and the only reason for the question marks on a Taiwanese BL is because the word on these BL streets (and his MDL page) is one of the actors works heavily in China, so this might be the reason this one has been was in limbo even though filming finished earlier this year, but the socials are still posting it's coming this year.

See Your Love (Filming Complete)

This co-production with Japan is about a rich man who falls in love with his hearing-impaired caregiver. It finished filming at the end of May and will have those sweet sweet Taiwanese BL cameos from some Be Loved in House: I Do and Plus and Minus folks PLUS it will be the first cameos for the Kiseki: Dear to Me guys since the company that produced their show is the same one for this show.

Impression of Youth (Filming Complete)

Very little is known about the plot of this teacher-student romance, but it comes from the same folks who produced DNA Says Love You and one of the mains, Muji Hsu, was also the lead in 2020's Because of You. Filming finished at the end of May, and the company stated it would be out before the end of the year.

Islanders (late 2024/early 2025)

This is based on a novel, Islands, by Lolita Hu, features some well known Taiwanese actors, and for a bit was under the name Sea of Intimacy. It's being presented as an 'older BL' but the MDL summary is sparse of the BL-plot: Hung, a successful entrepreneur, has three intimate relationships: his wife, his mistress, and his girlfriend. The lives of these individuals in their 20s, 30s, 40s, and 50s are intertwined because of romance, but their story extends beyond that. When Hung faces criticism on social media and loses everything, the way they react tells us how they see the world.

Wishing Upon the Shooting Star & The Young Gangster (2025)

These two deal with completely different plots but are together because of one reason: Ray Jiang. He is the director for these two and was the director for Unknown, My Tooth Your Love, and We Best Love. The companies behind them have stated the series are coming next year, but the guess is Ray's busy schedule is part of the hold up since he has a Netflix series in the works and apparently a film featuring Sam Lin (We Best Love) on the way. The Young Gangster is based on a novel and deals with a research assistant gathering information on the mafia (and we know how the mafia works in BLs), while Shooting Star deals with a man wishing that nobody notices him once he returns to his hometown after being fired. The wish backfires and nobody recognizes him, not even his dad or the boy he confessed to in high school! BL Mafia, Sideways Wishes, and Ray Ray are my favorite types of snacks!

Pray in Love (2025?)

A police officer falls in love with a man only to realize that man is the son of a prominent leader on the day of his arranged wedding in which he was hired as security for the event. The series already released a short film of the basic premise for fundraising efforts and festival rounds. Apparently, filming has started on the series, but there is no concrete confirmation from the production company.

Eternal Butler (2025)

Edited to add thanks to @cankersoregirl! This is a sequel to VBL's Anti Reset and began filming in early July. It focuses on Ever 4 who is sent to be a bodyguard for a young rich man only to encounter a rebellious man.

That Year, 162 Rainfalls (In Production?)

Is this a movie? Is it a series? Is it happening?! Who knows, but last year, it finally got funding and a director attached to it, but the real kicker is Lin Pei Yu is the screenwriter, and she is the writer behind all of my favorite Taiwanese BLs: We Best Love, HIStory 3: Trapped, My Tooth Your Love, Kiseki: Dear to Me, and so much more. Basically, the company struck gold getting her for this story about two archers and best friends. One gets confessed to but admits he actually is in love with his best friend, but before love can happen, the best friend has an accident and falls into a coma. It is based on a novel of the same name, and the plot is way more hefty than this, but I know Lin Pei Yu will make it work!

Four Seasons (Pre, Pre, PRE-Production?)

This is supposed to be four different stories focusing on different seasons, and is rumored to be VBL's next group of shows since the company has stated it wants to continue its formula from last year of releasing slightly connected shows. VBL/Vidol was behind Stay by My Side, VIP Only, You Are Mine, and Anti Reset. Winter is about a scrooge CEO and a florist who is hired to decorate for the CEO's Christmas event. Spring is about two boys meeting on a bus and falling in love over music. Summer is about a market owner and a chef falling in love over food. Autumn is about two former best friends seeing each other ten years after graduating and exploring their hometown together.

Connecting to You (Pre-Production?)

It seems to have gotten funding, but it's been quiet since which isn't surprising because when it comes to Taiwanese BLs, nothing is really heard until filming begins or even after it ends. I still have my hopes high because this is *THE* BL for me as it deals with a man who can see colored threads connecting people and one day runs into a policeman whose thread connects to him. The thread between them begins to change color, from silver-grey to yellow, representing friendship, and even to red, representing love. If I have to sell an organ or two to fund this myself, I. Will. Do. It. I NEED THIS!

And this wouldn't be a Petty Post if I didn't include this final one:

HIStory 15: Freed (GIVE IT TO ME!)

I don't care if this a long shot. I don't care if I seem crazy always asking for this. I. Deserve. It. HIStory 3: Trapped ended with our best mafia boy in prison, and it's time he got out! The HIStory franchise has not had a series since 2022's HIStory 5: Love in the Future, and although there have been rumors that a HERstory story might be next, I think bringing back a popular story would be just as good. I will ask for this every chance I can until I get it, and I plan on living a long life, so I got time!

[basset-babe]

five times: the third.

pairing: benedict bridgerton x fem!reader

warnings: cursing, drinking, anger, disgust, hurtful words, self-doubt / sabotage

word count: 5.1k+

a/n: honestly felt like i bit more off than i can chew but i do relish a challenge! also, my apologies for the prolonged delay of my postings, dearests. life has been life-ing recently lol anywho, here is the ever-challenging third! opening with a whistledown aND y'all know what we do when gossip arrives, we gossip! ciao amo! (dates included do not mean anything nor is accurate to any timeline)

five times series: the first. the one point five. the second. the third. the three point five. the fourth . at last.

trees and skies banner from @cottage-writings, pattern banner from @cafekitsune thank you!

Lady Whistledown's Society Papers

March 25, 18XX

Dearest readers,

The season is in full swing, and the social whirl is abuzz with the latest happenings. None have captured our collective curiosity quite like the endless stream of callers at the Y/L/N residence, all vying for the favor of the season's paragon, Miss Y/N Y/L/N. With suitors from the finest families presenting gifts and performances, it is no surprise that Miss Y/L/N has been the object of much admiration.

However, keen observers might have noted a particular favorite among the throng. Yes, dear readers, the second Bridgerton son, Mr. Benedict Bridgerton, has made a notable impression on the lovely Miss Y/N. Their promenades and conversations have not gone unnoticed, with many speculating that he holds a special place in her affections. However, as ever in the delicate dance of courtship, it is not without its complications.

Whispers have reached this author's ears that Mr. Bridgerton has been seen in the company of Lady Tilley Arnold—a widow of the late Lord Arnold and esteemed patroness of the sciences. Their encounters, whispered about in the most fashionable circles, suggest more than mere friendship.

Do hold your gasps, for the intrigue does not end there. No, for as Lady Arnold bid adieu to the shadows and prepared to depart, a most shocking revelation transpired. Witnesses, whose lips dare not speak aloud but whose eyes betray their secrets, observed a clandestine exchange between the widow and Mr. Bridgerton— a kiss, dear readers, of the most scandalous variety! The timing, dear readers, is most curious as Lady Arnold was on the verge of departing London, which only adds to the enigma of this nocturnal visit.

What, pray tell, does this clandestine encounter signify, one might wonder? Is there more to the attention of Mr. Bridgerton, that his affections may be wavering, or has Lady Arnold, with her enigmatic charm, ensnared him in her web of intrigue? Such a late-night rendezvous, particularly with a lady of Lady Arnold's standing, is certain to raise eyebrows and incite much speculation.

The ton will surely surmise whether this encounter was a fleeting indiscretion or the beginning of a more complicated entanglement. What could this mean for Mr. Bridgerton and Miss Y/N? Will their courtship withstand the weight of this scandal, or will it crumble under the pressure of whispered gossip and innuendo? Can Miss Y/N overlook this transgression and hold fast to her affection for Mr. Bridgerton, or will she be swayed by the lure of a less tarnished suitor?

One thing is certain, dear reader: the social season has become infinitely more intriguing with this latest development. Rest assured, I will be watching with keen interest as the drama unfolds.

Yours Truly,

Lady Whistledown

third time.

"Good afternoon, sister," Benedict greeted Eloise, who was standing in the middle of the house's foyer with her hands conspicuously behind her back.

"Ah! Brother, afternoon," Eloise replied cautiously, attempting to hide the gossip sheet behind her gown skirts. "Where were you?" she asked, her tone tinged with curiosity.

"Nowhere of particular interest. What are you reading?" Benedict inquired, his eyes narrowing as he pointed to her hidden arm.

"Nothing," Eloise replied hastily, but Benedict knew better. He raised an eyebrow and extended his hand, motioning for her to hand over whatever she was concealing.

Eloise hesitated for a moment, then reluctantly produced the crumpled gossip sheet from behind her back, placing it in Benedict's outstretched hand. "Whistledown," she muttered, avoiding his gaze. "You are mentioned."

Benedict unfolded the paper and began to read. His typically affable expression turning stoic as he saw his own name linked with both Miss Y/N and Lady Tilley Arnold. His jaw tightened, and he placed the scandal sheet on the table. Eloise cleared her throat and asked. "How are you?"

"Quite the scandal, it seems," he remarked, his tone betraying a hint of indifference. "And here I thought I could keep my affairs private. What truly vexes me is not the content concerning myself, it's how she drags in the names of Miss Y/N and Lady Arnold, implying something as if curious but ruinous as she almost did you last season. Heavens be damned, if I ever discover her true identity, I will ensure it is her life that is ruined."

"The lady has declined visits... for today, Sir. I ask... kindly, that you leave the premises," the lady's maid informed as Benedict sat astride his horse, a sketchpad clutched tightly in his hand.

His heart sank at the lady's maid's words, a heavy weight settling in the pit of his stomach. He had ridden with fervent determination, his thoughts consumed by the desire to see Y/N, to seek solace in her presence after the scandalous sheet had been released. But now, faced with the reality of her refusal, he felt an overwhelming sense of restlessness wash over him.

He had hoped to find refuge in her company this late afternoon, to find comfort in the warmth of her smile and the gentleness of her touch. Yet, it seemed that even she was now beyond his reach, her doors closed to him in the wake of the damning gossip that had tainted his name.

"Could you try again, please?" Benedict implored, desperation lacing his words. "I just need to speak to her, to explain myself."

But the maid remained resolute, her expression unyielding, her features softened by a touch of sympathy for Benedict's plight. "I'm sorry, Sir," she repeated, her voice a gentle murmur, "but the lady's wishes are clear. I cannot go against her instructions."

Feeling the weight of disappointment settle upon him like a heavy cloak, Benedict offered a resigned nod to the maid, acknowledging her adherence to propriety even as his heart ached with longing. With a heavy sigh, he turned away from the imposing facade of Y/N's residence, his footsteps heavy with the burden of unspoken words and unresolved emotions.

As he urged the horse forward, the rhythmic beat of hoofbeats echoed through the quiet streets of London, a steady cadence that mirrored the tumultuous thoughts racing through Benedict's mind. With each passing moment, he felt the weight of the recent scandal pressing down upon him, its suffocating grip tightening with each breath he took. People who walked the pathways murmuring as he passed them. Almost as if they'd point and had been meaning to ask of the truth in the latest Whistledown.

But Benedict was not one to be deterred by adversity, nor to allow his spirits to be dampened by the trials of the heart. With a determined set to his jaw and a fire burning in his eyes, he urged his horse onward, his destination clear in his mind.

Arriving at the gentlemen's club, Benedict dismounted his horse with practiced grace, the cool night air stirring the tendrils of his hair as he strode purposefully towards the grand entrance. The club stood as a bastion of camaraderie and respite amidst the chaos of London society, its hallowed halls a sanctuary for men of wit and refinement.

He'd rode to the club where his brothers were spending the early evening. The ambiance was one of refined indulgence, with the soft glow of candlelight casting a warm hue over the rich mahogany furnishings and plush velvet upholstery. He found Anthony and Colin lounging in a corner, their laughter echoing through the room like the lively notes of a well-played sonata.

"Well, if it isn't our solemn Benedict," Anthony teased, clapping him on the back as he approached. His voice carried the joviality of a man accustomed to commanding attention, resonating amidst the club's genteel chatter.

Benedict managed a half-hearted chuckle, sinking into a nearby chair. His usually composed demeanor was tinged with a hint of melancholy, though he tried to play off his turmoil with a forced smile that did little to mask the weight of his troubles.

Colin, with his mischievous blue eyes and rakish grin, raised an eyebrow inquisitively. "Drama? Pray, do tell. Have you found yourself embroiled in a scandalous Whistledown-written affair, dear brother?" His tone was light, yet there lingered a genuine curiosity, as if he relished the prospect of a juicy tale.

Benedict rolled his eyes, though a flicker of amusement danced in their depths. "Nothing so melodramatic, I assure you," he quipped, his voice a melodious baritone that resonated with the refined elegance befitting a man of his stature. "Just a bit of trouble with a certain someone who shall remain nameless."

Anthony leaned forward, his interest piqued like a hound on the scent of a tantalizing mystery. "Ah, a mystery woman! Do tell us more. Is she a diamond of the first water? A rose amongst thorns? A season's paragon?" His knowing words were infused with a playful charm, his aristocratic features softened by the warmth of his smile.

Benedict couldn't help but laugh at his brother's theatrics, the sound echoing through the room like the pealing of church bells on a crisp autumn morning. "More like a thorn stuck on my rose, if you ask me," he replied wryly, his lips quirking into a rueful smile. "But alas, the sheet seems to have taken interest in me. Thus, I've offended the lady at my latest misstep."

Colin exchanged a knowing glance with Anthony, their eyes sparkling with mischief like stars in the night sky. "Ah, love can be a treacherous game, my dear brother," he remarked with a wistful sigh, his voice tinged with the bittersweet nostalgia of past dalliances.

With a resigned sigh, Benedict brough out the paper, his fingers trembling ever so slightly as he unfolded it to reveal the damning headlines. His eyes scanned the page again, each word striking like a blow to his already wounded pride.

"Well, well, what do we have here?" Anthony quipped, leaning in to peer over Benedict's shoulder with a devilish grin. "It seems our dear Benedict has captured the attention of Lady Whistledown herself. Tell me, is there any truth to this gossip?"

Benedict felt a flush of embarrassment creep up his neck as he struggled to find the words to explain himself, "There is a sliver of truth. Lady Arnold did visit, and yes, there was a kiss. But it was far from the scandalous affair Whistledown implies. We aren't anything but naught, I tell you." He answered at almost a whisper. Benedict knew that the contents of the scandal sheet would be the subject of much speculation and gossip, his reputation hanging precariously in the balance.

"And what of Miss Y/L/N, whom you are so ardently courting? How does she figure into this little drama?" Anthony asked, concerned of his brother's standing.

Benedict sighed, his concern evident as he expressed his worries to his brothers. "That is precisely my concern. I have been nothing but sincerity in my courtship of Miss Y/L/N. She deserves better than to be dragged into this mess."

Colin leaned forward, sensing the gravity of the situation. "So, what will you do? Surely you cannot let Whistledown's prattle jeopardize your relationship with Miss Y/N."

Benedict's expression phased into determination. "I intend to speak with Miss Y/N directly. She deserves to hear the truth from me, not the twisted version Whistledown has concocted. That if she allows an audience with me. And as for Lady Arnold, I shall ensure our interactions are far more circumspect if not, naught in all aspects she may bring up on me, when she does return and does whatever near."

Anthony nodded in agreement, his gaze softening with genuine affection as he clapped Benedict on the back. "Let us not dwell on the past now, brother, but instead focus on the future—on what you can do. Whatever Lady Whistledown may have to say, we shall weather the storm together, as we always have."

Colin, then, raised his glass, a gleam of mischief in his eyes as he played along with his brother's jest. "To no longer saving face, my dear Colin! For love, for honor, and for the sake of our brother's bruised ego!" His words were punctuated by a hearty laugh that resonated through the room like the rumble of thunder on a stormy night. This is going to be quite the arduous courtship.

The grand lobby of the Londinium Opera House was a scene of opulence and refinement, an exquisite embodiment of sophistication. As the setting sun cast a warm, golden glow through the tall, arched windows, the room seemed to shimmer with the promise of an enchanting evening ahead. The marble floors gleamed underfoot, polished to such perfection that they reflected the twinkling crystal chandeliers overhead. These chandeliers, with their countless prisms, scattered light like a thousand tiny stars, illuminating the elegant assembly below.

The air was a heady blend of perfumes and colognes, mingling with the faint, tantalizing scent of fresh flowers arranged in lavish bouquets atop mahogany tables. The flowers, a riot of colors and species, were chosen to reflect the season, adding a touch of nature’s beauty to the man-made splendor of the opera house.

"This is definitely too stuffy for my nose." Eloise brushed her finger by her nose as she and Benedict passed through a sea of dressed up ton amidst tonight's opera.

As the two navigated through the ton at the opera's lobby, their steps softened by the plush carpeting beneath them, Eloise couldn't help but wrinkle her nose discreetly once more. "I agree," Benedict murmured to Eloise, his voice barely audible over the gentle murmur of conversations and the distant strains of prelude music.

"It's like drowning in a sea of perfume and pomposity. How long will the show take?" Eloise asks.

Benedict chuckled softly, his eyes scanning the crowd with a bemused expression. "Indeed, it seems we've stumbled into a gathering of the city's most refined noses and airs. But I fear, it'd be almost four more hours but there must be a few souls yearning for a breath of fresh air."

Eloise grinned, her spirits lifting at Benedict's playful remark. "That'd probably be us, brother," she replied, her gaze sweeping the room in search of kindred spirits amidst the sea of finery. "But until then, I'd die of ennui from this whole bonanza of a show."

"Not if I escape it," Benedict remarked in jest as he wiggled his eyebrows at Eloise. "But, of course, I'm taking you with me."

"You are absolutely my favorite brother." And the two, laughing at their antics, sneaked out of the opera house where their carriage is waiting to flee the night.

The carriage ride through the moonlit streets of London was a serene affair, with only the rhythmic clip-clop of the horses' hooves and the soft creaking of the carriage wheels breaking the stillness of the night. Benedict sat in quiet contemplation, his gaze occasionally drifting to the window where the city's twinkling lights danced like distant stars against the dark canvas of the night sky. He had set upon to spend the night on the invite of a fellow painter, Lord Granville. The address card nestled in his pockets.

He knocked on the carriage roof and said, "We are to drop off Eloise at home first." Eloise shot her brother with a knowing look, "So, you do have plans for the night, Ben. Interesting." She nodded teasingly.

"What? Can't I spend my night on my own concurs?" He said, feigning defense on whatever his sister may be implying. The carriage stops and the footman opens the door. Eloise turns to her brother as she went down the carriage steps and says, "Amidst your Whistledown scrape, you seem to be taking this very light. Oh, to be a man this easy!"

Benedict shakes his head as he laughs at his sister's comment. He has been taking this all seriously, has he? It's not like he hasn't been doing amends. The gossip sheet only had been spread this morning. Surely, damages are still reversible? As the carriage turned out their street, Benedict's thoughts turned to the ramble of his mind. All his thoughts are loud of Y/N, her voice ringing in his head. He'd imagined their time in her garden. How she simply tells stories and facts of botany; or the time she'd nestled by the tree, her cheeks flushed with the lingering laughs they'd shared moments ago, and he couldn't help but smile at the thought of her. And as quickly as the smile drew on, it dissipated recalling that she had not allowed him audience this morning.

The carriage came to a gentle halt in front of a townhouse's doorstep, and Benedict stepped out onto the cobblestone path of 5th avenue, the cool night air washing over him like a soothing balm. He turned to the carriage driver, a silent acknowledgment passing between them before the driver urged the horses forward once more, disappearing into the darkness beyond.

Benedict delicately clutched the card bearing Lord Granville's prestigious name, ensuring he stood before the correct abode. With an air of refined assurance, he gently rapped the door knocker twice, whereupon Lord Granville himself promptly emerged to greet him.

Lord Granville, sporting a relaxed ensemble, greeted Benedict with a gracious nod, his demeanor exuding an aura of aristocratic charm. "Ah, Mr. Bridgerton, how delightful of you to join us," he intoned, his voice carrying a hint of cultured refinement. "Please, do come in. The evening promises to be most engaging."

With a gracious gesture, Lord Granville ushered Benedict into the dimly lit foyer, where the scent of beeswax candles mingled with the earthy aroma of oil paints. The sound of lively conversation and the occasional strumming of a lute drifted through the air, creating an atmosphere of artistic fervor.

As Benedict crossed the threshold, he felt a sense of excitement building within him, eager to immerse himself in the vibrant energy of the bohemian salon and the company of fellow artists and free spirits. Tonight promised to be a celebration of creativity and expression, a refuge from the stifling conventions of society, and Benedict couldn't wait to grasp his wash in of it.

The house was a riot of color and creativity, with tapestries adorned with vibrant hues lining the walls and eclectic artwork displayed on every available surface. Easels dotted the room, each showcasing works in progress, while clusters of artists and poets engaged in spirited discussions about philosophy, politics, and the latest artistic movements.

Benedict found himself swept up in the lively atmosphere, drawn to a group of painters huddled on their own canvases, their brushes dancing across the surface with frenetic energy. Where in the middle, nude women posed as muses and artist drew of their perspectives. Nearby, a poet recited verses of love and longing, his words weaving a tapestry of emotion that hung heavy in the air. Lord Granville now swept in his own circle.

In a secluded corner of the salon, hidden away from the prying eyes of the crowd, Benedict stumbled upon a private room adorned with tapestries of rich, jewel-toned hues and plush velvet cushions strewn about in haphazard arrangements. The flickering glow of candlelight cast dancing shadows across the walls, creating an atmosphere of intimacy and secrecy.

There, amidst the opulent surroundings, Benedict spotted Y/N, her laughter ringing out like a melody amidst the soft hum of conversation. She sat perched on a velvet chaise, a paintbrush in hand, her eyes alight with passion as she leaned over a canvas, her movements fluid and graceful.

Surrounded by fellow artists, including Lady Granville and Genevieve Delacroix, the ton's most favored seamstress, Y/N appeared completely at ease, her quick wit and sharp intellect evident as she engaged in spirited conversation, her laughter mingling with the clink of glasses and the rustle of paintbrushes.

As Benedict watched from the doorway, a pang of longing pierced his heart, the sight of Y/N's radiant smile and infectious energy stirring emotions he had long tried to suppress. He yearned to join her, to bask in her warmth and revel in the shared joy of creation, but the weight of their unresolved conflict hung heavy between them like a barrier, casting a shadow over their once vibrant connection.

Summoning his courage, Benedict stepped forward, his footsteps echoing softly against the polished floorboards. "Y/N," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper, but before he could say another word, Lady Granville intercepted him, her gaze cold and calculating.

"Mr. Bridgerton," Madame Delacroix greeted with a disdainful tilt of her chin, her French slurred tone laced with thinly veiled contempt. "What brings you to our little gathering? Surely you don't expect to find yourself welcome here after what Whistledown's latest sheet has revealed."

Benedict's heart sank at the mention of Lady Whistledown's scandalous gossip, the weight of the accusations pressing down on him like a suffocating blanket. "Y/N, please," he implored, his voice tinged with desperation, but Lady Granville merely raised an imperious eyebrow, her disdain palpable.

"Ladies, could you please give us the room," Y/N interjected firmly, her voice carrying a steely edge that brooked no argument. Madame Delacroix shot her a questioning look, to which the lady nodded reluctantly. With a series of subtle glances directed at Benedict, the women filed out of the room, their gazes lingering on him with thinly veiled curiosity.

As the door closed behind them, a heavy silence settled over the room, the air thick with tension and unspoken words. Y/N turned to face Benedict, her features hardened with a mixture of anger and hurt.

As Benedict and Y/N unexpectedly found themselves face to face amidst the opulent surroundings of the Granville party, the atmosphere seemed to crackle with tension, the air heavy with the weight of unspoken words and unresolved emotions. Y/N's eyes, usually warm and inviting, now bore a glint of guarded skepticism as she regarded Benedict, her gaze piercing through the facade of polite decorum.

The room seemed to shrink around them, the murmurs of conversation fading into a distant hum as they stood locked in a silent standoff, each grappling with their own tumultuous thoughts and feelings. The flickering glow of candlelight cast eerie shadows across their features, adding to the sense of unease that hung between them like a tangible force.

"Benedict," Y/N's voice broke through the suffocating silence, her tone edged with a hint of surprise and resentment, "What brings you here? I didn't expect to see you at this gathering."

Benedict's features tightened with unease, his eyes darting nervously as he struggled to find the right words. The grandeur of the room seemed to mock his discomfort, its lavish decor serving as a stark reminder of the gaping divide that had grown between them.

"I...I could ask you the same," Benedict replied tentatively, his voice betraying his inner turmoil. The weight of Y/N's gaze bore down on him like a heavy burden, and he shifted uncomfortably under her scrutiny.

Y/N's lips formed a thin line, a flicker of frustration flashing in her eyes as she absorbed Benedict's response. The tension between them crackled in the air, suffusing the room with an almost palpable energy as they stood locked in a silent standoff.

"I am here with friends," Y/N explained tersely, her tone tinged with defensiveness. "I didn't anticipate running into...you."

Benedict felt a pang of remorse at the coldness in her tone, the realization of the pain he had caused her weighing heavily on his conscience. The warmth of the room seemed to dissipate, leaving behind a chilling emptiness that mirrored the growing distance between them.

"Y/N," he implored, his tone tinged with worry. "There's something I need to ask you. Why did you deny me an audience earlier this morning? I sought you out, but I was turned away without explanation. Please, Y/N, I need to understand."

Y/N paused in her tracks, her hand hovering over the couch arm as she hesitated. The weight of Benedict's words hung heavy in the air between them, the tension palpable as they stood on the precipice of an unspoken truth.

Slowly, Y/N turned to face him, her expression guarded as she met his gaze with a mixture of sorrow and resignation. "I couldn't face anyone— even you, Benedict," she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. "Not after... Whistledown that's happened. I needed time to gather my thoughts, to come to terms with the depth of my pain and my reputation."

Benedict's heart sank at her words, the realization of the pain he had caused her weighing heavily on his conscience. "Y/N, I had no idea," he murmured, his voice laced with regret. "If I had known, I would have respected your wishes. I never meant to add to your suffering."

"I know, Benedict," she firmly said, but her voice betraying her, tinged with sadness. "But some wounds run deeper than others, and time alone cannot heal them. I need space, time to find my own path forward."

"Y/N, please," Benedict pleaded, his voice tinged with desperation, "Let me explain. I never meant to—"

Y/N's eyes flashed with anger, her frustration boiling over as she confronted him with the pain he had caused. "Explain what, Benedict?" she demanded, her voice rising with each word. "Your absence? Your silence? Or perhaps the fact that I'm possibly nothing more than mere amusement to you, a prim and proper distraction from your rakish pursuits?"

Benedict recoiled at her words, the sting of her accusations piercing through his defenses like a dagger to his heart. "No, Y/N, you know that's not true," he protested, but she cut him off with a bitter laugh.

"Do I?" she spat, her voice dripping with contempt. "How can I be sure of anything when you've left me to face the whispers and the gossip alone? When you've abandoned me to doubt and humiliation?" Tears welled in Y/N's eyes as she spoke, the pain of betrayal etched deeply into her features.

Benedict felt the weight of her accusations like a sword to his heart, his chest tightening with the agony of her words. "Y/N, please, you must understand," he implored, his voice trembling with emotion. "I never intended for any of this to happen. My absence, my silence—it was never a reflection of how I feel about you. I've been grappling with my own inner turmoil, responsibilities and fears that have nothing to do with you."

Benedict's admission hung heavy in the air between them, his confession like a dagger to Y/N's heart. Her anger, fueled by betrayal and hurt, threatened to consume her as she struggled to process his words.

Y/N's eyes blazed with fury, her anger fueling her resolve as she confronted him head-on. "And what of the whispers about you and Lady Arnold?" she challenged, her voice dripping with scorn. "Are you telling me you had no part in fueling those rumors? That you never kissed her?"

Benedict recoiled at the accusation, the shame of his actions burning like a branding iron against his conscience. "No, Y/N, I swear it wasn't like that," he admitted, his voice laced with desperation. "There was a moment…" He paused, contemplating confession and it's consequences. He closed his eyes wincing at what he's about to say, "We did kiss, but it meant nothing. It was a mistake, a lapse in judgment that I deeply regret."

"A mistake?" she repeated incredulously, her voice tinged with disbelief. "A lapse in judgment? Do you expect me to believe that, Benedict? Do you expect me to simply forgive and forget?"

Benedict's eyes pleaded with her, his desperation palpable as he reached out to grasp her hand. "Y/N, please, I know I've made a terrible mistake," he implored, his voice trembling with remorse. "But I swear to you, it meant nothing. I assure you, it was inconsequential. You are the one I am committed to, the one I wish to be with. Lady Arnold made advances, and I rejected them. It was a momentary lapse in which I failed to uphold my commitment to you."

Y/N's shoulders slumped with the weight of Benedict's words, her resolve crumbling beneath the weight of his confession. She sank down onto a nearby chair, her breath hitching as tears welled in her eyes, cascading down her cheeks in silent rivulets. With trembling hands, she buried her face in her palms, the anguish of betrayal and heartache washing over her in relentless waves.

The room seemed to blur around her, the vibrant colors of the decor fading into a haze as she struggled to come to terms with the devastation of Benedict's admission. His words echoed in her mind, each syllable a painful reminder of the trust that had been shattered beyond repair.

How could she believe him? How could she trust that his words held any semblance of truth when his actions had spoken so loudly against him? The image of Benedict with Lady Arnold haunted her, a specter of doubt and uncertainty that threatened to consume her from within.

But amidst the turmoil of her emotions, a glimmer of resolve flickered deep within Y/N's heart. She may have been broken, battered by the storm of betrayal, but she refused to let Benedict's actions define her worth. With a steadying breath, she lifted her head, her tear-stained cheeks glistening in the soft glow of candlelight.

"I thought you were different, Benedict," she whispered, her voice barely above a whisper, "But I... I don't know if I can forgive you. The pain you've caused runs deep, and I fear that trust may never be fully restored."

Benedict's heart shattered at the sight of Y/N's tears, his own anguish mirrored in her sorrowful expression. Without hesitation, he sank to his knees beside her, his hand reaching out tentatively to brush against her trembling shoulder.

"Y/N, please," he pleaded, his voice thick with emotion. "I understand if you can't forgive me, if you can't find it in your heart to trust me again. But I swear to you, with every fiber of my being, I love you. I would give anything to make things right between us, to earn back your trust and your love."

His words hung in the air, a fragile plea borne of remorse and desperation. He longed to take her in his arms, to hold her close and shield her from the pain he had caused. But he knew that he had to respect her boundaries, to give her the space she needed to process her emotions and come to her own decision.

Y/N's shoulders trembled beneath his touch, her tears flowing unabated as she struggled to find the strength to meet his gaze. The weight of his words pressed down upon her, a bittersweet reminder of the love they had shared and the trust that had been so brutally betrayed.

For a moment, it seemed as though Y/N might succumb to Benedict's heartfelt plea. Her eyes softened, her resolve wavering in the face of his earnest confession. But then, with a trembling breath, she pulled away from his touch, her tears still glistening in the dim light of the room.

"I... I need some air," she choked out, her voice thick with emotion. Without another word, she stood abruptly, the chair scraping against the floor in a jarring echo of their fractured connection.

With a determined tilt of her chin, Y/N lifted the glass to her lips, downing the remaining contents in one swift motion. The bitter taste of the alcohol burned her throat, a sharp contrast to the ache in her heart as she turned away from Benedict, her steps heavy with the weight of her decision.

Benedict watched helplessly as she made her way to the door, his heart breaking with each retreating footfall. He longed to call out to her, to beg her to stay, but he knew that it was futile. The damage had been done, the rift between them too deep to bridge in a single moment of remorse.

As Y/N disappeared through the doorway, leaving him alone amidst the wreckage of their shattered relationship, Benedict felt a hollow emptiness settle in the pit of his stomach. He knew that he had lost her, perhaps forever, condemned to a lifetime of regret for the pain he had inflicted upon the woman he loved. And as he sank to the chair, his heart heavy with sorrow, he prayed for a chance at redemption, a glimmer of hope amidst the ruins of their once bright future.

taglist: @novausstuff // @pussyslayerhd // @amoosarte // @jupitervenusearthmars // @shonteriasunshine // @melsunshine // @bollzinurmouth // @kneelforloki

again, please do send me a message or comment down if you would like to be added on the succeeding taglists for the five times series! thanks loves <3!

[anonymouscheeses]

more obvious shit I wanted to point out but it's more than last time uhhh pt.2 (spoilers for dad beat dad and maybe welcome to heaven. Maybe?)

I love that Charlie just randomly goes into demon form sometimes like here ehhehehe. Also can I just say I love Charlie so much?? She is my favorite and I love her especially in this episode because it feels like the same optimistic Charlie but she was just put in a bad situation. I relate to her a bit TOO much, almost down to every detail like wow. You'll understand later once I get there. But just wow...

LOOK AT THIS FUNNY LITTLE MAN. SPOODER DUST <3 also. Live [image] reaction. Someone make that into a reaction image 🙏🙏

HONEY!!! NEW MEME TEMPLATE JUST DROPPED. (Aka the one guy going crazy trying to explain the stuff on the board iykyk)

OMG... THAT CANT BE CHARLIE... NOT CHARLIE'S EMO PHASE PLEASE BAHAHAHHAHAHA (also love that Lucifer has kept it all these years, if Charlie knew I think she'd be extremely embarrassed. Vaggie would love it probably xd)

HE IS SO GOOFY I CANT- I LOVE HIM SO MUCH ALREADY!!! NEED.

Broskie got character development and is NICE?!? I LOVE THAT SMMM YALL.... LOOK AT HIM!! I am very delusional yes, but I will take this over ass development(cough. Vaggie's "story" in ep 3. Cough).

Imagine this. *holds your hand carefully to help you calm down while talking to your father you haven't really wanted to talk to.* lesbian type stuff ngl 🤯 (relatable)

Angel looking at the gays while being a gay too. HE'S BEING SO KIND TO CHARLIE UGGHH I CANTTT!!(POS) NODDING HIS HEAD, SMILING TO HER, ALSO TRYING TO HELP CALM HER DOWN. I MAY BE ASS AT SOCIAL CUES BUT I NOTICED THIS ONE!! YAA

*SHE IS STILL HOLDING HER HAND. CHARLIE'S ALSO SWINGING IT AROUND NERVOUSLY. I can never get tired of them and will make art soon just you wait.*

COMMANDER VAGGIE! I love that she acts like this is a camp full of tiny kids and honestly? That's not too far off. Sir pentious is at the ready! (glad he's here more often in the episode, thought he would just get sidelined after his first episode but gladly no!) Angel is just surprised. Husk spilled his drink, ON WHITE FUR NO LESS! Niffty of course is on the floor face first. Charlie is just happy to be there yippee!

What is this?? I have no idea what the hell it is at all. Bro is just peepin- it doesn't look like Alastor, even in demon form. And... I can't think of anyone else who could be this. Anyone have ideas or maybe it's foreshadowing? Maybe it was revealed in the 6th episode I don't know I haven't watched it yet. (I am a freak. I don't binge I give myself a day to watch a single episode. Most of the time uhhh.)

WE LOVE A SHORT KING. I LOVE THAT. I LOVE HIM. THE EVERYTHING. HE IS EVERYTHING. LET ME STRANGLE HIM PLEASE. (Lillith and Lucifer's dynamic is 100% Gomez and Morticia but a little more silly short man)

"OH WOW! AN OLDER MAN WHO GIVES ME FATHERLY CARE!" *STARTS TO FUCKING CRY*

I FEEL YOU CHARLIE WAAAGHHH

Oh and there goes the silly guy again! Atp I'm thinking it may be the gal some people been talking about that they've been hinting since the pilot. I forgot her name but she's said to be the big bad of season 1 or probably 2. Not sure if that's what it's trying to imply but here's my little no-thought idea

Lucifer, no...

LUCIFER NO!! THIS IS SUCH AN ADORABLE RESPONSE TO CHARLIE DATING A WOMAN. (ADOPT ME)

AND THEN THE HUG! I GET IM LOOKING TOO MUCH INTO THIS ONE SILLY SCENE BUT I JUST LOVE IT SO MUCH AND WANT THIS SO BAD IN MY LIFE.

Niffty really said, "Yes, I do the cleaning."

Get yourself a taller king who is a short king but compared to you is a tall king

Say what you will, but I genuinely want more dad Alastor, someone make an au before I do plsss and @ me 🙏🙏

alright.. now this is where it starts to be relatable and hurt my heart... yayy.... needing any sort of parent figure that actually cares about you than the actual parent who is rarely there? WOWZA! SAME CHARLIE <3 <3 (SO FAR VERY ACCURATE FROM SOMEONE THAT IS IN THE SAME SITUATION)

Alastor is letting her off kindly, atleast in his way. He may be pissed off she brought a shark gang to the hotel and put it on fire, but they were still close friends. With anyone else he would absolutely either murder them or have severely traumatized the person. She's the exception, although I don't think he'd let it off the hook so easily if there were a next time.

A father-daughter embrace! :,)

(This is gonna be messy asf) He wants to know who she is as a person. He always has, and that's definitely obvious, but from a person inside this, they may not know themselves what the other is thinking. To Charlie it was like he never cared and just wanted an excuse to not see her again, acting like he was truly busy as in the start where he made the rubber duck that breathed fire. Sure. But Charlie saw it as him finding ways to not interact with her again. The only times they talk was when it was related to business stuff or other things of the sort. Let me just say this song... is by far my favorite, including the episode. Sure, it's got problems it's own, but this extremely accurate portrayal of what my own situation with one of my parents just stole my entire soul. Yeah I got a bit of tears about to come out, BUT NOPE! NOT TODAY! I don't ever cry during shows or movies so if I ever get teary-eyed, YOU DID SOMETHING. THAT SOMETHING BEING GOOD. This episode was emotional and connected with me on a deep level that I dont think any film has ever done to me, which is weird because I've been actively trying to find one, any one that does. Then to find it in an indie company from a creator who has achieved the dreams that I myself want to one day? That's fucking amazing.

FORESHADOWING! FROESHADOWING! FORESHADOWING! VAGGIE EX-ANGEL THEORY MUST BE CANON AND IF ITS NOT I WILL TEAR MYSELF LIMB FROM LIMB WITH A CROWBAR. LETS GO TO HEAVENNN!!! TOMORROW! BECAUSE THE DAY I PUBLISH THIS WILL BE TOMORROW(FOR YOU TODAY) BUT TOMORROW FOR YOU ILL POST THE NEXT WHAT I CAUGHT SHENANIGANS AGAIN! SEE YA!

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Best QL of 2023: Favorite Lines

Okay so I am slightly over my one year mark in the BL Fandom, and have watched over the past like...12-14 months a little under 100 shows, so I am forcing myself to stick to the shows that aired in 2023 or else I would never be able to finish this. But I saw @abstractelysium do this so I had to climb aboard:

Top Five Lines that Lived Rent-Free In My Brain This Year:

"Have you been well? Without me?" - Shin Ki Tae, Our Dating Sim, Ep 4

Y'ALL THIS FUCKING LINE. KNIFE. CHEST. EVERY TIME! This line sits on the same level of absolute and total emotional devastation for me as the "I just want things to be nice for him" link in Big Eden.

"Are you tired, Uncle Jim?" - Li Ming, Moonlight Chicken, Ep 8

Jim and Li Ming's relationship just makes me absolutely so fucking emotional. I love them individually, I love them together, and I love how much Jim does for his community. But no one ever asks him this. And it is so striking to me that Li Ming is finally the one to demonstrate how much he understands and appreciates everything Jim does not only for him but for the entire community when he ass him that question.

"My family is old fashioned. I kept everything in my heart and didn't want to tell anyone until I was 15. My family went to Europe with Wa's family. We saw two women kissing on the street. I saw her and wanted to talk to her. I want to know how she did it. I want to release it like them. But Wa's mother and I...You can probably imagine. A pair of old-fashioned women who think same-sex love is wrong...That's when I realized I wasn't the only one feeling terrible. When we got back that night she broke down and cried. No one knew why. I asked her if it was about the afternoon incident. She asked me if a kiss between two women was wrong. I said no. It's just like two men kissing. It's not wrong. On that night a 15 year old boy and a 13 year old girl held each other and cried." -Sailom, Wedding Plan, Ep. 6

Okay this isn't a line, it's a monologue but holy fucking shit this was such a beautiful speech, and I will quote @bengiyo here and say "I CAN'T BELIEVE PEOPLE HATED THIS MAN." He has spent so much of his life in the closet protecting not only himself but especially Yiwa. Sailom was going to go through with the wedding just to ensure that Yiwa and Marine could be together without anyone prying.

"This is as tender as I can be. Someone like me." -Mhok, Last Twilight, Ep. 4

Honestly you could replace the first sentence with whatever you want, the part that sticks in my brain the most is "someone like me" because I know that Mhok must have heard shit like that his entire life, and Day is here saying it in a way that I don't think Mhok takes as an actual insult or passing of judgement. I like that the line is used whenever Mhok does show who he truly is and how much tenderness or warmth he is actually capable of in a subversion of the expectations placed upon him.

"But you know, I already knew your preferences so well. When I go shopping with Kakei-san, he talks about you all the time...He says it with a smile" -Kayoko, What Did You Eat Yesterday?, Season 2 Episode 11

THE WEEP I WEPT WHEN KAYOKO TOLD KENJI HOW MUCH SHIRO TALKS ABOUT HIM. This entire second season of WDYEY Shiro has just continuously shown so much beautiful beautiful growth and my heart twists with pride every single time I see him looking more relaxed and smiley. WDYEY is the most perfect show to ever exist.

[allwaswell16]

Hi Anitra! I was wondering if you had any favourite omega!louis fics?

Ohhhh I have so many...I'll try to narrow it down to five for you...

where the lights are beautiful by twoshipsdrifting / @polkadotlou

Harry wasn’t wrong about that, not in a general sense. Lots of omegas did seek out rich alphas and betas, hoping or planning to go into heat at the right time. Plenty of omegas saw this as their duty, especially if their families weren’t well off. Worse, Louis couldn’t honestly say he’d never thought about it. If that had been his life, his goal, Louis would feel pretty good about himself now. As it is…Louis feels like shit.

Or the accidental bonding a/b/o fic.

Moon Dances Over by LadyLondonderry / @londonfoginacup

Louis knows that his tail is, frankly, stunning. His iridescent blue scales shimmer in even the slightest sunlight, and his fins have grown since he presented, delicate and almost transparent in their webbing.

He also knows that that means he’ll be one of the first to pick tonight, as the most beautiful omegas are blessed to pick their mates first. It’s considered a huge honour, since the guppies they’ll eventually birth will certainly be beautiful as well, bringing favour on the whole clan.

Louis has a stubborn streak, though. He’s always been rather a fan of mating for love, and there’s someone he’s had his eye on for a long time now.

Saving Symphony Hall by @helloamhere

“I think I have an idea,” Louis said. Slowly, and reluctantly, but with a growing sense of the inevitable. “God damnit, I think I have a really good idea.”

“Oh christ, that's the problem-solving face,” Babs said. “Last time we saw that face, he sold a company.”

“Wait, what?” Zayn asked.

“Right place, right time,” Louis said. “Also, fuck my life,”

“What?” Zayn repeated. Niall patted his hand.

“I usually just roll with whatever Louis is about to do,” he said. “It’s better for us all.”

“That’s the attitude,” said Louis, “I’ll tell you tomorrow. Tonight, I need to do some research. Zayn, give me your number. I’m gonna save our symphony.”

And That’s The Tea by @2tiedships2

I’d like an Earl Grey with milk and sugar, please.

Louis had the phrase memorized, even though it had disappeared off its place on his upper arm over thirteen years ago now.

At fourteen he didn’t understand. Soulmarks don’t just disappear. Not unless…

Unless one of them dies.

Or, the one where Louis loses his soulmate before even getting the chance to meet them, and he is in no way prepared for the kind of distraction his new friend Harry proves to be.

Cameras Flashing by @juliusschmidt

With his breakout single platinum three times over and his second album still selling out in stores around the world, Louis Tomlinson has made it to the top. However, his position as Pop Heartthrob of the Decade is threatened by the edgier, more artistic Zayn, who happens to be releasing an album a week after Louis’ upcoming third. Louis needs something groundbreaking- scandalous, even- to push past him in the charts. Much to Louis’ dismay, his PR team calls in The Sexpert.

Consulting with PR firm Shady, Lane and Associates pays the bills so that Harry Styles can spend his down time doing what he really loves: poring over data. On weekends and late into the evenings, he researches gender, presentation, and sexual orientation, analysing the longitudinal study that is his father’s life’s work. That is, until his newest client, the popstar with the fascinating secret, drags him off his couch and frighteningly close to the spotlight.

As the album’s release date approaches, will Tomlinson and Styles be able to pull off the most risky PR scheme of the millennium and beat Zayn in sales or will the heat of their feelings for each other compromise everything?

Bonus: My favorite omega Louis I wrote lol

If I Loved You Less by allwaswell16

Beautiful omega Louis Tomlinson is set to make his come out in London society and determined to find a mate in his first Season. With the help and protection of his oldest friend, Lord Niall Mendes, he takes Society by storm.

Being a wealthy and titled alpha means Lord Harry Styles has grown used to avoiding unmated omegas...until now. This Season he finds himself at every Society event just for a chance to speak with the omega with the flashing blue eyes.

Louis has the aristocracy at his feet and all the suitors he could hope for, but his secrets may ruin his chance at a love match.

[legacygirlingreen]

A New Era…

See what I did there… because it’s the eras tour… and the start of a new era for me fandom wise… I’ll let myself out 😭

Hi friends,

I know it’s definitely been a while since we had a little fireside chat of sorts. I never wanted to be that person who posted this big long rant with nasty call outs or annoyed remarks. But, I have to be honest. I am really, really growing to find writing for Hogwarts Legacy to be a chore. It used to come by so naturally and I’ve lost a lot of the enjoyment due to fandom fighting, the lack of a real update with the recent announcements and just some honestly, nasty anon asks I’ve received over the last few weeks.

I have a lot going on in my personal life right now and with that, it’s caused this fandom to feel more like a burden than an escape. I have surgery coming up and it just doesn’t feel like the supportive, loving, atmosphere it once did in so many ways… So for a while I think I’m going to shift gears until I find the energy to return to my works.

Having been on tumblr for a long time, I’m sick of starting over with every shift in fandom interest so I have decided to leave this tumblr, add to it and let it be a hybrid of my interests. I will return to working on my HL content, I just don’t have a set date for it.

To those who will likely depart this blog due to this announcement, thank you for the support. I hope life treats you well. To those willing to jump to a side project I’ve been working on, I’m excited to bring you all along. And to those who may soon find this blog from other spaces, welcome.

I just really need a break from what I’ve been doing and I’ve found inspiration elsewhere in the meantime.

Thank you all for being understanding and know that I have truly enjoyed the ride with this blog so far and hope to continue to do so as I post a project that I’ve been inspired by the finale season of the Bad Batch to write. I won’t give way too much, but I’ve got 50k words on my hard drive so far and I’m still going for our favorite mechanical engineer, pilot, riot racing, definitely not dead in my delulu: Tech

(If anyone actually is interested in a teaser I would love to share)

Once again, I hope this can be a discourse. Let me know your thoughts, opinions, etc. if you are willing to give other content a try and aren’t so familiar with the animated side of Star Wars I will gladly send you a guide I made for my best friend to aid. She has no knowledge of the animated series, and as someone who went to film school purely for my love of the clone wars, this return to the universe in many ways has felt like coming home. It’s where I have always felt the most safe. It’s where I always felt the most inspired. I am just overall so thankful to have found joy in writing once again as I feel like I lost it for a while there.

I am sorry if I have disappointed anyone, I just really need a break from HL creating until I sort out my life. I’ll still lurk on my lovely mutuals since I do love you all so dearly. @eternalremorse @writing-intheundercroft to name a few. I also owe this wonderful fandom for my best friend in the whole world. It’s a love of mine, right now I think we would be better on a break… if that makes sense…

That being said, I am so, so, SO thankful for the last year (plus a few months but who’s counting) with you all. I really do look forward to eventually coming back. Right now, I just would love to explore other avenues while I’m feeling so drained.

That’s all for now but I hope to post new content soon,

- M 💚

PS : to anyone who’s found this under TBB tags… I’m a bit nervous to dive back in to the Star Wars realm since I deleted all my old ST fics but I’m ready to try again…

[moxnshxne]

Did you check the time?

It is November the 14th and the most cozy time of the year. We cuddle daily on the couch with our fluffy blanket with either a mug of hot tea or hot chocolate and watch a few series or movies arm in arm. It is not the first time i get to enjoy my two favorite seasons with you, indeednit is the second time. And I realized with that it means soon, soon we really are boyfriend and boyfriend for a year. Not only that anymore. It is exactly one month today that we are engaged. And that I don't know if you know how happy it makes me to say I'm your fiance.

Being your fiance is one thing I have dreamed about, wished for. Being your husband ond day is the next I wish for and then I am honestly the happiest on earth, if not I already am. I planned for this to be a small message but I can't help to pour my heart out to you.

Since more than a year, when taking me im dates, when holding my hand wordlessly, showing me beautiful places but most importantly showing me the most beautiful human on earth which is you. You showed me such a soft and gentle human being, being hurted deep down inside but healing slowly just by seemingly being around me. I can't thank you enough that you let me be in your life, slowly let me into your heart and shine brightly. And I can't be more thankful for being the one human being that is allowed to cheer you up, make you laugh, open up and heal you. But...You have entered my heart so quickly, cheered me up and healed me as well. I have despite all, never met someone this beautiful from soul, personality and body. Meeting you, I need to be honest made me pray to the gods up there to please be able to have you by my side for longer. And the longer I now am able to be by your side to be your partner, the more I know this might be forever. And forever in the past sounded like a real long time but with you forever can't be long enough. I want to be by your side when you're happy, when you're sad, when you're sick, when you're angry and I want to hug you at all times of your life. Of our life. Of our life together.

Yunseon, I am glad to this day that you slowly opened up to me and that I was able to see the most beautiful, the most handsome smile that I think I have never seen before on anyone else and when you say, I'm the reason of this smile you make me the happiest on earth and smile the brightest. You've become my best friend, my boyfriend, my bodypillow, my fiance and...you became my family. Because of you I believe in true love again but only with you.

I love you dearly, deeply and more every day.

One more month before it is indeed one year as your partner. And today exactly one month since we are engaged.

I love you.

Your 🐿❤️

There are no better time than Fall to realize how close we are to the end of the year, how fast the last months have passed.

It is a good time to remember some moments of the past, to reminiscense about the good, and bad, times. It is indeed almost a year now that we are together. Sometimes, we both still chuckle when remembering how everything started, how that supposedly short moment turned into a solide forever. Now, even more than before, we can spend our days together as a happy couple, on the couch while snuggling to each other with your special hot choco mix in hands, in the kitchen while cooking dinner together, in bed while sleeping under the blankets we chose during a date. We had already done so many things in the past almost year, yet it will be only a fraction of the eternity we plan to spend together. Because there is no way I will ever wish for anything else other than that. I asked about your life goal, and you replied to me with such a beautiful smile that it was being a husband and make me happy. Let me tell you the same my love. I wish to preserve your beautiful smile, to wipe your happy or sad tears, to hug all your worries away. I want to be a husband who would make you the happiest, whom you can rely on and confide to on anything you will wish for. I want to keep cherising those weekends when we wake up and our only goal for the day is to snuggle together, have each other as close as possible and forget about the world that surronds us. I can't thank you enough for being the one by my side, for being the person I want to have thousands of adventures with, to slow dance in our penthouse with, to make breakfast to bed for, to kiss every time my heart would tell me to do so.

You were so easy to fall in love with, because you have a golden heart and the purest soul. You never needed to do anything to make me fall in love with you. Your presence and happiness alone brings me joy, and I know I wouldn't be the person I am today if it wasn't for you, for all those days we already walked hand in hand, for all the future days waiting for us. You are my happy medecine, you are my safe place, you are my home. Your presence is the safe haven that my mind needs when it gets too dark or loud. And I'm overjoyed knowing that you feel the same when being with me...

I had already made up my mind a long time ago, that I will make you mine. I want you and only you, because you are the perfect being that my body, heart and soul need. There are no more future where I walk alone, my life has been set to spend it with you, and no matter if there will be obstacles on our path, I know we will be able to face them together. I feel stronger and braver when I know you are always by my side. Your warm personality never bends in front of the countless storms trying to hide your rays, and this brings me the strength to fight on. Even if I'm telling you a billion times that I love you never feels like enough, those three little words never seem to fully convey the depth of my feelings for you. I love you wholly, I love each and every part of you, no matter if you ever thought that it would be unloveable.

Thank you for loving me, thank you for making me feel loved and showing me that I deserve that love. For that endless love you present me, for the constant support and cheering. For being the light in my life, the sunshine which cleanses my mind.

In the healthiest way it's possible, I'm addicted to you. I will repeat it over and over again.

I love you. My love, my fiancé, my prince, my forever. @uarmyhopx

Your  ⋆

[br1ghtestlight]

ranking all bob's burgers holiday episodes except in different categories to be fair to the holidays i don't care about <3

VALENTINES DAY

v for valentine-detta (AMAZING episode so funny and the introduction of nat who is iconic!!! also adorable subplot w/ bob and gene. not even really about romance)

can't buy me math (SOOO FUNNY tina and darryl have the best dynamic their fake dating was so stupid. don't even remember what bob and linda did in this episode tbh but im sure it was cute)

bob actually (super cute episode!!! jimmy jr and tina are so nerdy/adorable and i love rudy and louise's kiss. bob and linda were cute too <3 don't really care abt gene's subplot with the cafeteria lady but its not bad or anything and i prefer it to him having an actual romance subplot)

my fuzzy valentine (i actually forgot this episode existed bcuz i don't rewatch early seasons very often but its cute!!!! it has the kids wearing raincoats and jumping in puddles so it automatically gets an A+ from me)

the gene and courtney show (I FORGOT THIS WAS A VALENTINES DAY EPISODE LMAO its actually very sweet and genuine?? i think gene and courtney work better as friends but their relationship was very cute and gene's song for courtney was an actual 10/10. your hearts not broken its only growing 😭😭💕)

romancing the beef (this episode is okay!!! fun to rewatch and i love gene and louise's hijinks when serving the customers and their slow dance song Also the origin of the iconic arm hair line from linda and teddy. this is also the lastest appearance of hugo when will he return home from the war <\3)

ferry on my wayward bob and linda (a late addition because for some reason this episode isnt listed as a valentines day episode on the wiki??? idk i enjoyed bob and linda they were cute :) and i loved jen's stupid boyfriend and his stupid voice that subplot was. soo)

bed, bob and beyond (this episode being last makes it seem like i don't like it very much BUT ACTUALLY I THINK ITS A SUPER INTERESTING EPISODE I DONT REALLY GET THE HATE bob and linda having an actual argument is something we rarely see and it was interesting to see how the kids responded to it and also everything with the broken bed makes me laugh for some reason. we love dirty laundry and broken beds in this household)

HALLOWEEN EPISODES

the apple gore-chard but not scary (no real reason this episode is my favorite i just dont care abt most of the halloween episodes and this episode is VERY silly and fun. loved bob and louise going on a field trip together and gene/tina/louise's absolutely ridiculous costume like What is their problem)

the pumpkinening (a gayle episode where she's actually pretty okay and not the antagonist wow?? also i love having a peak into her and linda's high school years and their pumpkin smashing. very fun episode honestly my favorite to rewatch ALSO GAYLE AND LINDA SAY I LOVE YOU TO EACH OTHER AND GAYLE SAYS OF COURSE SHE CARES ABOUT LINDA AND WANTS HER TO BE HAPPY THEYRE SISTERS <33)

tina and the real ghost (FULLY unhinged episode but very funny i love louise lying about the ghost and tina's extremely fake ghost boyfriend. bob immediately knowing that louise was lying bcuz she is her Fathers Daughter. also jimmy jr and zeke were great in this episode love their philosophical debate about life after death)

the hauntening (GREAT episode i love the family working together to scare louise!!! truly a worthy successor to what an (april) fool believes but everytime i rewatch it all i can think about is how louise has been obviously scared SO MANY TIMES in episodes before this so her saying she's never been scared before is just straight up lying. like she faced Death she had a gun to her head cmon now.... but also it kinda makes sense that a nine year old would lie about that it feels very in character. cute episode)

heartbreak hotel-oween (this is such a weird episode i feel like everybody forgets it exists?? teddy linda and bob's subplot is a little gross but the story about the woman and her dead boyfriend who she tries to summon every halloween like GIRL WHAT???? idk its such a weird sad pathetic episode im kind of obsessed with it. how did they even come up w/ that one and why was it a 70s halloween party. many questions)

teen-a-witch (WE GOT MR AMBROSE IN THIS EPISODE HELL YEAH‼️‼️ other than that not very memorable but louise and gene's relationship w/ tina in this episode was very sweet they're great siblings But also they did use her magic to cheat on their homework and get free tater tots at school.....)

nightmare on ocean avenue street (not a bad episode i just forget it exists sometimes LOL but teddy's extremely gay subplot with the handyman was hilarious and the kids were cute too. easy episode to rewatch around halloween without it being too freaky)

the wolf of wharf street (THIS EPISODE IS SO??? love teddy's sexy nurse costume and kinda's cher costume?? gene is my favorite fruity boy. there are some good jokes but otherwise not an episode i think abt too often)

full bars (gun to my head i couldnt tell you a SINGLE thing about this episode i haven't ever rewatched it so it feels almost unfair putting it on this list bcuz i don't remember much?? they went to king's head island and bob accidentally killed teddy's pet rodent or smth. probably not a bad episode and i believe this was the first introduction of king's head island which eventually gave us sasha and ducan so of course i can't hate it)

pig trouble in little tina (this episode is so WEIRD like not bad and i think the hayride is kinda cute but the dead pig corpse.... god that fucking corpse haunts me)

fort night (dont like millie in this episode AT ALL and don't like how they almost die and nobody gives a fuck. don't like bob and linda in this episode who don't care that their kids never came home for their costume and get passive aggressive about it when they were KIDNAPPED???? don't like millie in general and this was her first appearance. but i think their box fort was pretty cute and i would like to see it again, plus all the neighborhood kids hanging out together was fun)

MOTHERS DAY EPISODES

amelia (IT TECHNICALLY COUNTS OKAY IT WAS AIRED AS A MOTHERS DAY EPISODE anyway maybe one of my favorite episodes of the entire series so heartfelt and beautiful. louise's presentation + exploration of cultural misogyny + the ending song make this episode an absolute killer and an amazing season finale)

sauce side story (it was a tough call between this and mo mommy mo problems but i LOVED learning more about linda's family history and gayle was so great in this episode. still obsessed with gayle pretending to be their mom its so funny this episode is so good)

mo mommy mo problems (cute episode!!! for some reason i really appreciate the detail of the snack bar inside the ferry in this episode and the seating area bcuz i have taken MANY many ferries and boats in my life and i rarely see that aspect of island culture represented in media?? very unhinged ending with the squirrel blood SHE PEELS THEM LIKE FRUIT ROLL UPS but overall a sweet episode every character is so likeable and fun!!!! also just a hilarious episode tbh)

mom, lies and videotape (fun episode!! not really too much to say about it bcuz it was another three stories type episode but the kids were very cute and i loved gene's REAL performance where he was out of synch for literally every line of that song. god bless America. also louise's fictional play was very fun you can tell how much they all love and respect linda <3)

tell me dumb good thing (not a bad episode but the main storyline was pretty boring so i dont think about it too often. LOVED bob's subplot with the fucking internet cucumber however this might be one of my favorite subplots in the entire show they gave him such a big win. he loved that cucumber so much AND THE CUCUMBER GUY LET HIM INTO THE BASEMENT??? TEDDY TOO???? it makes me cry its so wholesome and sweet. also appreciate the clever way that they connect bob and linda's storylines in the end)

THANKSGIVING EPISODES

dawn of the peck (this episode is actually tied w/ stuck in the kitchen with you BUT i decided to put it in first place bcuz i think i maybe enjoy rewatching it like 0.5% more. every line of this episode is comedic gold like easily one of the funniest episode of the show if not the actual funniest it should have a higher rating than it does on IMDB. i dont care how high its rated it should be higher!!!! also rudy my beloved)

stuck in the kitchen with you (i dont expect this episode to be ANYBODY ELSES favorite but for me its such a wholesome and fun episode to rewatch and pretty funny too. bob and louise's relationship is great. the parade the kids throw with zeke's help is so funny. linda's subplot with sargent bosco is HILARIOUS and bob telling louise "i was being too much of a cook and not enough of a dad" is something i think he could stand to say more often in thanksgiving episodes. but also he's autistic and i understand)

i bob your pardon (very fun heist episode?? louise running out to protect the turkey from the ACTUAL WOLVES and bob saying that he'll save the next turkey from wolves gets me everytime. this episode is honestly just fun and silly its a great time)

turkey in a can (maybe this episode should be higher?? its SO FUNNY and also confirms bisexual bob is real. wholesome ending and i love that bob invited teddy and mort over for thanksgiving dinner along with gayle <3 they're his family)

thanks-hoarding (teddy focused episode :) loved finding out more about his family and relationship with them and learning a bit more about his mental interior and how he copes with stress and childhood trauma. very fun episode to rewatch)

putts-giving (ACTUALLY I REALLY ENJOYED THIS EPISODE louise and tina's relationship is always interesting to explore esp as tina grows older and matures/leaves her siblings behind. loved the mini golf setting and i would like to see it again someday but i think they got a lifetime ban.... from the mini golf course......)

an indecent thanksgiving proposal (absolutely unhinged episode?? any episode w/ fischoeder is great and i love drunk bob mourning his turkey friend even if his jealousy of the kids and linda kinda makes me sad <\3 HE LOVES BEING LINDAS WIFE HE LOVES BEING THE KIDS DAD OKAY HE DOESNT WANT IT TO BE ANYBODY ELSE and linda saying at the end of the episode that she doesn't want to be anybody else's wife not even for pretend is very sweet)

gayle makin' bob sled (this episode is very interesting and i love gayle's relationship with bob in it. also linda and the kids trying to cook thanksgiving dinner without him is SO FUNNY like gene and louise especially oh my god. "maybe its a good thing if your family annoys you sometimes because.... it means you have one" 😭😭)

the quirk-ducers (this episode is CRAZY but also very funny. louise spraying dead animals guts and blood all over the play's audience was deeply unhinged as was them publically performing tina's erotic friend fiction as a play to their families and teachers. amazing song which im assuming gene wrote)

now we're not cooking with gas (bob was just SLIGHTLY too crazy in this episode and i feel bad that he couldn't cook his special turkey :( but the kids getting the giant log from the park and almost killing somebody always gets me like?? WE ALMOST DIED AND MAYBE KILLED OTHER PEOPLE BUT THATS NOT IMPORTANT WE GOT THE LOG bob needs more wins in thanksgiving episodes i think)

diarrhea of a poppy kid (this episode is really sweet tbh!!! louise and tina comforting gene when he's sick by telling him stories and him being holed up in the bathroom playing with makeup and writing a thanksgiving song which was of course very catchy. him and bob were also adorable in this episode and i love bob saying that he loves to cook for gene!!!! <3 they're both so supportive very cute episodes but the stories they tell are not very memoriable tbh)

CHRISTMAS EPISODES

the plight before christmas (this is such an obvious choice but it really is an amazing episode there's a reason its the highest rated episode of the show!!!! its so incredibly sweet and loving with really solid pacing and jokes throughout the episode and gene's musical ability saving the day without being turned into a joke. obviously tina and louise's relationship in this episode too. and i see my sister with something that looks like gingerbread on her glasses 😭😭💕 louise's poem GETS me every single time. also weirdly helpful birds eye view of seymour's bay at the end

father of the bob (INTRODUCTION OF BIG BOB!!!! honestly this episode is just very cute and interesting love analyzing the dynamic between bob and his dad.... it almost seems like big bob likes linda more than he likes bob. cute ending and i always like learning more abt bob's family so this episode is a 10/10 from me)

yachty or nice (THIS EPISODE WAS SOOO CUTE jimmy pesto and bob actually having a bonding moment and the kids subplot with teddy 😭😭💕💕💔 love that they call him their uncle father santa teddy and that he knew in the end they would do the right thing bcuz they're good kids so he saved a special toy for them. he loves those kids so much. jimmy pesto redemption arc could be real if we believe)

the bleakening (this episode was very fun!!! AMAZING songs and i really enjoyed the ending with the gay christmas party and everybody dancing together. some very funny jokes in there too and i just love the creepy vibes of the kids sneaking out of the house and tina being smart enough to bring the emergency phone along w/ them. genuinely a great two parter episode)

god rest ye merry gentle mannequins (THIS EPISODE IS SO???? still dont know what was going on with the crazy mannequin guy but i honestly think its sweet that lily's brother let him live there for free for so many years even when he didnt really need to. also i believe the first time bob's mom is mentioned in the series??? idk this episode is really fun and i love all the different holiday displays they do)

have yourself a maily linda christmas (nothing too interesting to say abt this episode its just silly and fun!!! linda episode!!!! also something about tina and bob trying to entertain the grandparents and keep the peace while everybody else is gone is SO funny theyre the worst at talking to people. the ending with louise gene and tina was adorable too)

nice-capades (honestly its been a minute since i rewatched this episode but from what i remember it was very sweet and silly. LOVE how many random adults were willing to drop everything to help these kids put on an ice shaking performance for santa. also louise being worried that she isn't a good person. gene giving rudy the last taco just because he Cares about him and wanted them to be happy. this episode was cute and they really are such good kids)

better off sled (I ALWAYS FORGET THIS WAS A CHRISTMAS EPISODE because the main plot doesn't have anything to do with christmas it feels like the die hard debate of bob's burgers holiday episodes.... either way bob and linda knitting scarves for the kids was cute and i liked the snowball fight subplot. very sweet and simple episode)

the last gingerbread house on the left (fun episode?? there are some funny jokes and i liked seeing linda and teddy go singing together w/ the kids while bob is tormented and experiences the horrors of gingerbread houses. lily mention!!! noticing that christmas episodes tend to be the episodes where bob's family gets brought up the most i wonder why that is???? absolutely unhinged gingerbread house competition btw but they should let felix join them :(

christmas in the car (i remember this episode being SO STRESSFUL like he tried to kill that family Good god. teddy was very funny in thjs episode and i did enjoy it otherwise)

gene's christmas break (i feel bad putting this episode in last place bcuz I LOVE GENE but it wasn't that interesting an episode tbh 😭 i did like getting to see younger gene even with his terrible autotuned chipmunk voice and seeing how he uses music to relate to his family. we need another gene-focused christmas episode at some point they flew too close to the sun here)

ONE-TIME-ONLY HOLIDAY EPISODES

what an (april) fool believes (AMAZING EPISODE proably one of my favorite episodes of the entire show tbh. bob and fischoeder are so funny + homoerotic and gene not wanting to scare or upset anybody by pranking them is so cute <3 my baby)

eggs for days (the one and only easter episode!!! honestly this episode is really fun overall just a great time. love bob and linda being Extremely Hungover and the rotting egg and the raccoons.... they need to bring back easter episodes tbh there could be something there)

flat-top o' the morning to ya (this episode is so weird bcuz in order to make it a saint patrick's day episode the description and promo has NO MENTION of the main plot of this episode and only focuses on teddy and linda's subplot for some reason?? which makes it extremely hard to find the main plot of this episode if you dont remember the subplot despite it being Literally the focus. but other than that honestly i think its very funny and bob's story with the kids is sooo..... me when i accidentally rope my kids into committing Grand Theft Auto w/ me. sad that bob never got his discounted plates that man deeply needs a win)

[possibilistfanfiction]

Just finished reading chapter 3 of footy au and I'm in LOVE. Can't wait for chap 4👀

here she is! — chapter 4: swapping jerseys

/

‘hi!’ ava says, all enthusiasm, waving on her little zoom screen. you physically ache for her, more than you want to admit; you’ll get to see her in two days, hopefully carving out a little quiet time before the friendly you’re set to play against her national team.

zuri, your agent, smiles, and you know she — like everyone ava seems to meet — is already charmed. ava has a team issued t-shirt on, her hair wet from a shower, since she’s a few hours behind you and just finished training. she’s so, so beautiful.

‘hello,’ zuri says. ‘it’s great to meet, even though it’s remotely. beatrice has told me a lot about you.’

‘good things, i’m sure.’ ava grins. ‘there are no bad things to tell, really.’

‘wonderful,’ you grumble when zuri laughs; you’re  already outnumbered — but, really, you feel seen and heard and cared for, by your agent and by ava. you feel like you have control and it’s not so scary, not anymore.

‘well,’ zuri says, ‘this is informal and not at all a contract or MOU meeting. i’ve been representing beatrice for years, now, and we’ve, honestly, never had to navigate something like this before. i am thrilled that’s been remedied, to be clear.’ it’s said with such a fond smile you can’t help yourself: the bloom of freedom in your chest, ever since the first day you met ava, has been life-changing, and you know zuri means her kind words. 

‘sweet,’ ava says. ‘well, i would, like, tell everyone and their mom that i’m dating beatrice xin, but i really want to do what’s bea’s comfortable with. it means a lot to me, that she feels safe.’

‘this will be easy, then,’ zuri says happily. ‘beatrice, since we know where ava stands, i know we’ve talked about this, and i’m sure you’ve talked to ava, but why don’t you just let us both know right now what you’re feeling will be best for you, and i’ll help you go from there.’

you take a deep breath, centering yourself: what you want is the same as ava — to shout from the rooftops that you get to kiss the most miraculous person you’ve ever known. ‘i would like to — i would like to not hide.’

ava looks at you like she’s falling in love all over again, and maybe she is, maybe that’s what you’re doing all the time. if you think it’s love, you remember, one of her favorite soft songs, it is. if you think it’s trust, it is.

you continue. ‘i don’t want to put out a statement, either about my sexuality or our relationship. not yet, at least. but if ava wants to post a picture of us or of me on her instagram, or even if i want to post something not strictly professional, i guess, or if we hold hands getting coffee or out at dinner, if we drive to games together, stuff like that. i —‘ you pause, straighten your shoulders; you hate that you can’t hold ava right now, can’t touch or kiss her, but her calm, happy expression is almost enough. ‘i love ava. i don’t want to hide that. i don’t want to hide that part of myself.’

‘i love you, too, bea,’ ava says, and zuri legitimately looks like she might cry.

‘sorry,’ she says, more to ava than to you. ‘i’ve managed beatrice since she was seventeen and i’m, just — whew! i’m happy for her! and for you! beatrice is the best.’

‘don’t worry,’ ava says, a gentle smile on her face, ‘i know.’

‘great. well then, it’s just details from here on out, then. ava, you’re out, right?’

‘yeah, as bi, queer, either one i’m happy with. i’ve posted about it and i’ve done a few interviews, and i was in our club’s pride campaign last season, so that’s cool. but, um, i’m definitely not cis, but that’s a lot of explaining, something that i don’t really want to do all the time, especially to so many people i don’t know. so, like, obviously bea knows, my teammates and friends know, now you know, but that’s relatively private information. i’m fine with she/her pronouns.’ ava shrugs. ‘that’s that at the moment.’

‘thank you for sharing,’ zuri says, just like she would any other information, easy and open and kind. ‘well, that’s always yours to disclose if, when, and how you see fit. i know diego is your agent, and he’s great, but please feel free to reach out to me if you ever want any guidance on PR. and, if you do decide to make a joint statement, however you’d like to do that, obviously i’ll coordinate with diego and it’ll be be our job to help with that as well.’

‘thank you, zuri.’ you feel a little overwhelmed, and very glad you get to see ava soon. you love national team spells — have always loved them — but you long for her in a way you’ve never felt before.

‘yeah,’ ava says. ‘thank you, a lot. i’m really glad bea has had someone like you for a long time, too.’

‘that’s very kind,’ zuri says, quiet and sincere, and then smiles. ‘well, i’ll leave the finer details of consenting to social media posts, any pda in public, whatever, up to you. if you need help navigating anything, you have my number. beatrice, we’ll speak when you’re back about your sponcon schedule for preseason.’

you nod.

‘and ava,’ zuri says, ‘kick some ass during that friendly. you’re a delight to watch play.’

ava grins. ‘will do. thank you.’

zuri signs off with a little wave and then it’s just you and ava, miles apart. ‘thank you, for that,’ you say.

‘baby,’ ava says, ‘of course.’ she bites her bottom lip for a second. ‘i do have a question, and it seems kind of silly.’

‘many of your questions are silly; that’s never stopped you before.’

‘ha ha.’ she swallows. ‘well, i know we’re together together, like, i obviously am thrilled. but — and definitely not to post or anything like that! — but, are we… girlfriends? partners? what do you prefer?’

‘either of those,’ you say, your heart racing a little at getting to call ava silva your girlfriend, your partner. ‘do you have a preference?’

she shrugs. ‘not most days, i don’t think. i like either. if it changes, can i let you know?’

‘of course, ava.’

her smile is so bright you think you might cry. ‘thanks, bea.’ she sighs. ‘my partner. ha. wild.’

‘it sounds — i like it.’

her happy expression doesn’t fade. ‘hey, can i post a picture? just a few of the off-season. maybe one of us playing that hans took for me? nothing obvious or anything.'

you let yourself have the time to think it over; while it’s not an official statement, ava posting the two of you training privately for two months of the off season is, well, pretty official. ‘i would really like that.’

‘yeah? really? don’t just say it for me, okay? i can bother camila and chanel until the end of time with these pictures.’

‘while i’m sure you already have —‘ she grimaces so you know you were right — ‘i meant what i said. i love you. i’m proud to be your girlfriend, and i don’t want to hide. if a picture of us playing makes you happy and you want to share it, then… honestly, it makes me happy too.’

ava flops back in bed, rocking her laptop and out of frame for a moment before she moves it and pops back up, on her side, steadied on her elbow. ‘i love you. also, i have pt in half an hour. can i send you a draft of the post by then?’

‘i have dinner in an hour and a half, so that should be just fine. but, ava, also, i trust you.’

she’s quiet for a moment. ‘i miss you. i got really used to sleeping in the same bed.’

‘i miss you too.’

‘but! i’ll see you in 45 hours, right?’

‘yes.’ you’re warmed by the silly fact she’s counting down the hours. ‘two sleeps.’

’think you can sneak into my room after?’

‘i think i can manage that.’

she laughs and you think you can manage just about anything.

/

you’re at dinner, sitting by yourself because you’d gotten there a little late. you don’t mind it: you like the quiet, and you’re reading a new series of essays in german you’d been waiting to dig into since ava gave it to you a week ago, when your phone dings.

instagram: @avasilva has tagged you in a post.

you take a deep breath — shaky, and so sure — and then click on the notification. it’s a carousel of pictures of your time in the alps: the field in early morning light; the view of the lake from your deck, the mountains glittering double in the distance; a pile of pastries ava had come home with one morning; ava with her favorite regulars at the bar you’d dance at. the seventh picture is of the two of you laughing, a ball between you, your foot up on it and your hands on your hips, ava in a sports bra and your shirt faithfully tucked in. hans had taken it, one day, just before ava had convinced him to turn the sprinklers on so you could run through them after you’d finished training, barefoot and free. it doesn’t mean anything, really, if you weren’t paying attention, but you had shared your home with her. you’re looking at her like you’ve never wanted anything else in the world: ava silva and football and the hazy summer sun.

avasilva had the best off-season convincing @beatricexin to take a break from running around with a ball & try every croissant in the alps 💅 i can’t wait to play for everyone soon, lfg!!

it’s funny, and endearing, and you did in fact eat a lot of croissants. you like the photo and ava sends you a text with a string of emojis that are mostly hearts and smiley faces, a random planet and dog thrown in, and a few mountains. 

i love you too, you text back. in bed that night, you think of how ava’s unabashed joy had turned your life on its head: you want and want and want, now, without remorse, something other than football. something bigger than football. 

bea <3 <3 <3 (9:06 pm)

Hello, is it okay if I post something? I can send you a draft.

Ava (9:08 pm)

yeah!!!!!!!!! of course :) as long as it’s not a nude do your thing ;) those stay between us

you roll your eyes but don’t let your hidden folder of nudes ava does enjoy sending you distract you from the soft pictures you’d taken of her one night, as the sun was setting. she’s wearing a hoodie — one of your hoodies — and shorts, her cap on backwards, barefoot, doing silly tricks in the small patch of grass behind your lakehouse next to the deck. you had asked her how, after all the complaining she did during training, she still wanted to be playing football right now, and she had laughed and flicked the ball over her head, then trapped it deftly. ’training is football,’ she’d said, ‘but this is fun. the beautiful game, bea. don’t forget.’

you pick your favorite: ava smiling at her own trick, standing still with the ball balanced on her foot, the hydrangeas around the same purple as the dusky sky. your instagram really is only pictures of you playing or sponsored content, most of which zuri posts herself or sends you copy for. there’s the occasional picture with your teammates after you’ve won something, but — your life has expanded far beyond your carefully pressed kits and the six foam rollers in your home gym, the stack of tupperware in your fridge. 

beatricexin Jogo bonito @avasilva

ava calls you laughing, delighted, and then tells you all about her day; you turn off all of your instagram notifications and fall asleep to the sound of her voice.

/

ava’s presser is in the morning for her, before training, so you get to watch clips during the tail end of your physical therapy. it feels, a little, even though you’d facetimed her when she’d woken up that morning during your lunch, that you haven’t gotten to hug or kiss or hold her in forever. you’ve never felt this way before: you’re used to your solitude, to your quiet. ava is loud, and incredibly tactile, and genuinely adores small talk; she doesn’t mind when she spills food or if her socks fall down or her hair is in her face; she stops to pet every dog she sees.

she’s remarkably charming in pressers, a little less unpredictable than she’d been a season ago. just as you’re settling into yourself, so is ava: football is fun but football is also important, and she, in her own way, is a leader too. 

‘what are some keys for you in this next match?’ a journalist asks.

‘well,’ ava starts, ‘we’ve been working on defensive shape, especially in the midfield, which i think will be really important. lilith reyes is a knockout, so making sure we shut down her ability to face up at the 9 will be important. and beatrice xin is obviously the best player in the world. she’s impossible to properly defend in man to man marking, so our discipline in formation from the front line and our 10s and 6s, especially, will be paramount. honestly, even double teaming her is hard, because she can get out of such tight spaces easily, so we’ll just see how we do there. it’s a good game to gauge where we are in that respect.’ she smiles. ’other than that, you know, have fun, kick ass, and finish our chances. hopefully i get a good goal or two.’

the entire room laughs, and ava smiles, and you feel your whole body warm, just like that. you carry the feeling through the rest of physical therapy, even though it’s definitely boring by this point, more prehab than anything, through your shower and through the walk to your presser. you get a few questions about your continued work in advocacy, team chemistry, and how you’re looking forward to your club season and the world cup. 

‘there’s a few new players on the roster that you’ll play against in a few days, maybe a different look to this team than what you might be used to,’ one journalist says. ‘do you have any specific team tactics you’re bringing into this upcoming match, especially as the world cup approaches?’

‘sure. any player called up and rostered is going to be dangerous, of course,’ you say. ‘and their veterans, as well, deserve a lot of credit. i’ve played with mary for years and there’s no better a leader than her.’ you really are thinking about the upcoming match when you continue, ‘and, obviously, in regard to some new faces we’ll see, ava silva can score when she wants, so we’ve got to make sure we keep her in check.’ you can’t help but smile. ‘easier said than done, of course. but beyond that, we just need to stick to our game plan: be patient, control the midfield, win tackles, finish. we’ve come together really well after this break, so i’m excited.’

you answer a few more specific tactical questions, and then you’re done. you say hi to a few of your favorite journalists that you haven’t seen in a few months, and then make your way back to your room. when you look at your phone, you roll your eyes at the number of texts you already see, try to wrack your brain for something you’d said that had been that interesting.

you answer when ava calls, and she’s laughing. ‘hi bea!’

‘hello, ava.’

‘wait, one second.’ she facetimes you with mary in the background, who waves with a good-natured eye roll at ava’s antics; she’s practically vibrating. ‘okay, here,’ she says, then turns her camera around so you can see her laptop on a youtube video, then presses play. ‘ava silva can score when she wants,’ you hear, and you groan.

‘ava.’

‘this is the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me.’

‘ava.’

she’s smiling too big for you to fight it: a laugh bubbles up out of your chest and then mary is laughing too. ‘lilith is gonna have a field day with this,’ she says.

‘i’m gonna print this out as a poster, i think,’ ava tells you, still playing it on loop in the background.

there’s a knock on your hotel room door and when you open it lilith is, indeed, holding out her phone.

‘hi lilith!’ ava says from your screen. ‘looking hot, as always. great and terrifying to see you, please don’t kill me in two days.’

you sigh. lilith leans against the doorframe. ‘ava silva can score when she wants?’

‘okay, you know what i meant.’

‘yeah!’ ava says. ‘i can score! in more ways than one!’

‘goodbye, ava.’

‘bye, love you,’ ava says, still laughing, and you hang up. 

lilith just looks at you for a moment and then rolls her eyes, but it’s not cruel. you think, maybe, she might be amused. ‘see you at dinner, beatrice.’

/

you squirrel away a little time with ava between team meetings and training, just an hour for coffee in between your two hotels. she drags you into the bathroom immediately and kisses you senseless the moment she walks in the door and sees you sitting at a table, your drinks and a few croissants already ordered.

‘i missed you so much,’ she says. ‘i know it wasn’t even that long, but, like, fuck, bea.’

‘i love you too, ava,’ you say, and kiss your way down her neck. ‘i missed you too. i, honestly, i’ve never really had someone to miss before. it was — it was nice, to get to know i’d see you. or, at least, that you missed me too.’

she softens, puts her hand to your cheek. ‘of course i missed you. and your ass, which i will be kicking tomorrow.’

‘you’ve been waiting on that one, haven’t you?’

‘for a week now, yeah.’ she rubs her thumb over your cheekbone. ‘hi.’

it’s a miracle. her brown eyes, the pretty set of her brow, the bow of her lips. a miracle. ‘hello.’

you kiss a little while longer, put your hand beneath her shirt and let yourself feel the tender press of her ribs; wind your hand to the soft skin of her back, trace up and down the scar there while she shivers. ‘i love you.’

‘i love you too.’

you sit in the corner of the patio, and you drink your coffee, and you let ava persuade you into eating a croissant — your resistance mostly for show, at this point — and you walk her to the lobby of her hotel. mary gives you a hug and ava squeezes your hand.

‘see you tomorrow,’ she says.

‘i hope you enjoy losing.’

ava laughs. ‘good luck with that.’

/

you don’t score all that often — 29 goals for your national team so far, which is fine by you; you’d rather set assist records anyway — but there’s something about a home crowd and ava wearing a different uniform than you, shooting you a wink in the tunnel before you walked out, jumping up and down a few times, serious and focused, before the whistle. you shake hands with mary before the coin toss (tails, you call, always tails), doing your very best to seem solemn and professional, even though, you know, after the game you’ll get a beer with her and shannon, who is watching from the box. you tuck your jersey in one final time, pull the double knots on your boots tight, and close your eyes, just for a moment, as you always do. you understand it all, again, a blessing: the hush of the crowd; their 8, always a little out of position, the through ball on to lilith in the wide space open again and again; the ache in your ankle minimal. and you understand something else, too: ava will be miraculous. and then, your final, favorite thing to look for before a whistle: there are so many xin 10 national team jerseys in the crowd; so many little girls, lots of whom aren’t white, and it makes you feel like you can do anything.

you don’t score often, but knowing ava is watching you is electrifying. at one point, you go into a tackle against her, hard and unrelenting, and she catches the top of her foot with her studs. you lie down for a second, let the sting wear off, and then accept her help to stand. ‘my bad, baby,’ she says, quiet enough and with a neutral expression, genuinely sorry. it makes you laugh, and you pat her shoulder, and the ref seems appeased enough that she just gives away a warning, and not a yellow. 

you get the ball from the restart, around midfield, and then find lilith in the wide space. lilith is fast and strong and so elegant; you might want to physically fight her not infrequently but you’ve never felt anything other than admiration for her on the pitch, and today is no different. she sends a ball in, around the penalty spot, and you’d timed your run perfectly. the cross is hard and fast, takes a nasty skip that forces you to reset your feet quickly, but you finish on a perfectly timed half volley that mary has absolutely no chance of stopping: no spin, upper 90, perfect.

the crowd erupts: it’s a friendly, but there’s 90,000 people watching and it certainly doesn’t feel like one. you run to the corner flag, letting out a yell that you so rarely let yourself, a momentary lapse in careful, constant restraint — what a fucking goal, you think. your teammates hug you and even lilith smiles, big and bright. when you jog back to midfield you catch ava smiling despite herself.

it’s not until the 67’ that ava equalizes; it’s not your fault, you think with a little bit of relief: you love playing against her but you’re the best in the world because you refuse to let yourself be anything but, and you do not personally want to be beaten. ava gets the ball on the left side, out wide, and you already know it’s going to be abysmal for your team when she manages an elastico and then a nutmeg, beating your right and center backs, one after another. you’d watched her goof around with the ball like this for months, lucky for it, her socks falling down and the alps calm in the distance, and it’s no different now: ava feints right and cuts back, sharp, onto her left foot, finishes, lightning fast, with a curling ball past your keeper’s outstretched hands. 

she laughs, after she scores, hands thrown into the air, and kisses the crest on her jersey, just for fun. you let out a deep breath, your hands on your hips, and when she sees you looking at her, you have to shake your head with an amused roll of your eyes. 

the game ends in a draw, exciting and fair, and the fans love it, which makes you happy. there are no injuries, no serious fouls, and your team got to work on defensive shape with a very lively forward, so, all in all, tons of positives. you tell your team this in the final huddle, and everyone cheers. most of all, you make sure to say, you had fun. 

after you break, you find ava lingering around midfield, talking to mary. you give them both hugs, and mary shoves you good-naturedly. ‘you couldn’t take it easy on me, xin? not even for one game?’

‘can’t let ava have all the glory,’ you say. ‘i have to remind people i can still score every now and then.’

ava grins. ‘that goal was so hot. tragically it was against us, but still, so hot.’

‘your goal was fine,’ you say, ‘i guess.’

ava gasps in mock offense, then laughs. ‘did you ask your backs how their ankles are feeling? i thought you’d enjoy the elastico.’

‘okay,’ mary says, ‘i’m going to go see my wife and let you two continue your weird foreplay.’

‘as if you didn’t spend years showing off in front of shannon,’ you say, and ava laughs as mary walks away.

‘well,’ ava says, ‘while we’re at it, do you want to trade jerseys?’

you think about it, and you know ava wouldn’t be upset at all if you said no, if you didn’t feel ready. but you want to wear her jersey, you want to see your name on her back. ‘let’s do it.’

‘yes!’ she immediately grabs the bottom hem of her jersey and lifts it over her head. maybe it’s because you played a full 90 and are exhausted and not really thinking; maybe it’s because you love her, but you smooth her wild hair down and then take your jersey off before you trade. you know she’s worn your jersey before, a fact that chanel had been delighted to inform you of the first time you ever talked on zoom, complete with many photos — but you’ve never worn hers. even though it’s your rival national team, it feels a little imbued with the magic and the joy ava brings every time she steps on the pitch, like you can absorb it through the sweaty material, a size smaller than yours. 

‘do you want a picture?’ ava’s national team social media manager asks, and you nod before ava can try to decide for both of you. it gets a happy, soft smile from her, and it’s worth it, a million times over, to put your arm around her shoulder while she puts hers on your hip.

later, after you debrief in your separate locker rooms, after you go through meticulous recovery, you meet ava outside the restaurant some of you are meeting at. ‘how do you feel about me posting the picture from today?’ 

‘i love you.’

she looks at you like you’ve given her the world; you don’t know how to, yet, tell her that she’s given it to you, in spades. ‘i love you too.’ she presses a kiss to your cheek. ‘so that’s a yes.’

‘that’s a yes, darling.’ you squeeze her hand. ‘maybe, if you give me incentive later, maybe i’ll even put it on my grid too.’

‘there’s a bathroom right inside, bea.’

‘we’re early, yes?’

ava practically sprints, dragging you by the hand while you laugh. mary rolls her eyes when you and ava emerge from the bathroom a few minutes later and find them at their table, ava’s hair an absolute mess and the buttons of your shirt misaligned. shannon just chuckles and pulls you in for a hug.

/

ava is starting in on her third croissant, which, to be fair, she’d gotten back in the middle of the night yesterday, and she’s jetlagged and starving, beatrice at 9 am — i think you would happily eat three croissants even if you weren’t jetlagged, ava. you have a few days off before club starts again, and you’re using them to kiss your partner and buy her as many croissants as she wants, even if she sprays crumbs everywhere telling you about an elaborate plan she and camila have for a prank on lilith (it’ll inevitably fail, but you like to see them try). 

you’re headed back from the bathroom and busy staring at the gentle cut of her bicep while she gestures animatedly, croissant and all, when two young teenage girls, probably 13 or 14, come up to the table. you have over a hundred million followers on instagram, but you don’t really get recognized in public too often, mostly because you — at least, in the past — have mostly posted about football and sponcon. but ava, charming and friendly and so pretty, is, of course, amazing at social media, and open and happy, and gaining followers faster than you ever had, especially since she’d started posting pictures with you. 

‘hey,’ ava says, and the girls nervously hovering near your table both blush profusely. ‘i’m ava, what’s up?’

‘ava silva, oh my god,’ one of them says. ‘hi.’

ava smiles. ‘how’s your day?’

‘good,’ the other says. ‘so good, oh my god. sorry, sorry. i’m mia, this is taylor.’ she points to her friend. ‘you’re, like, our favorite player.’

‘that’s really nice,’ ava says, and she spots you from the corner of her eye. you know that you don’t have to go over, that you could go back to the bathroom and she would text you when they leave, but you want to be with her. maybe not without saying anything publicly, but — ava is your partner. ava is the love of your life. 

‘hi,’ you say, sit down at the table next to ava, and she really has to stop herself from bursting into laughter when the girls legitimately look like they might pass out. 

‘beatrice xin,’ mia whispers. 

‘hello,’ you say.

‘you’re — whoa. beautiful.’

‘taylor,’ mia chastises, but ava is already laughing delightedly.

‘beatrice is beautiful, it’s okay.’

‘do you play football?’ you ask, mostly because you think ava would keep this going and never, ever put them out of their misery. it gets them going on a calmer little explanation of their club team, the positions they play, how they saw your last friendly and even got mary’s autograph once at a sleepaway camp. eventually, ava asks if they want a picture — they do, and they almost have tears in their eyes — and you let them stand between the two of you and ava easily gets someone a table over to take a picture. they profusely thank you and then leave, squealing a little, and ava takes your hand under the table.

‘you good?’

‘you think i’m beautiful?’

ava laughs, easy and light, as if this is the most ridiculous thing she’s ever heard in her life. ‘bea, you’re the most beautiful person i’ve ever known.’

/

you go to the ballon d’or together; you wear a suit without a shirt underneath, and, after a little pestering, let your hair down and sweep it over one of your shoulders, wavy and long; ava wears a gorgeous gown, a slit far too high up her leg to be forgotten by you very easy. you debate whether or not you could just ditch the entire thing and go home instead. she’s so soft and so happy it quells the anxious chatter in your chest. and you don’t say anything, but she posts to her instagram story and everyone takes pictures of you holding hands on the red carpet and nothing changes. the world doesn’t shift on its axis. ava holds your hand.

and then you win — again — but this time it feels special, it feels real: ava wipes tears off her cheeks while you accept the trophy on stage, she whistles and cheers your name. everyone knows now anyway, you think, so:

‘i’d like to thank my partner, ava,’ you say, and will your voice not to shake, after you’d thanked your teammates and the staff who makes it all possible, ‘who plays the game with more joy than anyone i’ve ever known.’ you lift the trophy in her direction and then let out a deep breath. the lights are bright but ava is brighter, and your whole life unfolds before you: ava on the pitch; ava waking up in your big bed; ava’s clothes in your closet; ava’s smile in the middle of the afternoon when you finish an op-ed and walk out of your office. ava by the ocean; ava in the mountains; ava, asleep on your shoulder in the middle of the sky: ava, everywhere.

/

things are beautiful, for months: ava spends the night often; a few times you fall asleep on her couch and camila is delighted when you shuffle out of ava’s bedroom in the morning, probably hours after they’ve both woken up. one night, after a game where ava scores five goals, you put her jersey on and look at her, lying in your bed with a strap-on on, the dildo shiny and her eyes wide when you let yourself sink down onto it. she puts her hands on your hips and it’s the most overwhelming feeling, to have ava touching you, to have ava inside of you and filling you up so much you think you might scream, to have ava telling you that you’re beautiful, and sexy, and so, so good. you order pizza afterward, after she’s come more times than she claims she can count, and eat in bed, pepperoni grease and the way she groans and pats her stomach when she’s full, smiling at you with so, so much love. you do promo for this seasons’ kits, and you take pictures together for the pride mural a local artist is doing. none of it feels scary; all of it feels full of joy.

things are beautiful. things are so, so beautiful.

it’s a perfect ball into the box from camila, clinical and ruthless, and time slows down when you watch, in excitement and then seeping, unstoppable dread, as ava goes for it. she’s not looking anywhere but the ball, but from your view at the 18 you can see it all happen: ava jumps and heads the ball, perfectly, but then a defender trips, the goalkeeper slams into ava’s side, and ava’s feet get swept from underneath her. ava falls, hard, onto her back, with a cry of pain. 

the ball is in the back of the net but white hot panic is shooting through you — you have never cared about a goal, or sponsorships or trophies or football less than you do right now. lilith is by ava’s side immediately, because she had been closest, and she quickly waves for the medical team to come on. it takes a few seconds for you to reach her, although it feels like years. ava’s eyes are closed and she’s whimpering; you’re not sure if she’s trying to not make noise because she’s hurting or if she’s mostly scared.

‘ava,’ you say, afraid to touch her beyond the gentlest caress of her cheek you can manage. 

she opens her eyes — a little unfocused, a little clouded — and you blink back your own tears to wipe hers. ‘i can’t move.’

you don’t care, in that moment, about anything other than her. ‘can you feel my hand?’

you don’t let her move to where you’ve grasped hers, but she nods. ‘yeah,’ she says, the slightest bit of relief bleeding through the fear. ‘yeah.’

‘okay,’ you say. ‘that’s good. that’s really good, darling.’

jillian kneels by ava’s head, puts both hands on either side so she can’t move it, and paramedics already have a backboard and neck brace ready. ‘ava,’ she says, ‘what’s your pain level? where?’

‘i —‘ ava starts to cry, hard, and lilith and jillian look at you for a moment before you tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.

‘breathe, ava,’ you say. ‘i’m here, we’re all here. breathe.’

ava sniffles and you just keep running your hand through her hair. she looks up at jillian. ‘a nine,’ she says, her words coming shaky and scared. ‘my back, where i, last time, but everything is numb and tingling and i —‘ she can’t even finish her sentence before she has to close her eyes and groan; her hand tightens around yours, strong and even a little painful. it brings a rush of relief through you and when jillian sees the motion, she nods and offers you the smallest smile.

‘okay,’ jillian says, ‘we’re going to get you in a c-collar and then on the backboard. i’m just going to ask you a few questions, and then we’ll get you some pain meds and take you to the hospital.’

‘it’s okay,’ ava says, trying so hard to convince herself, and maybe you too. her breath is still coming too fast, and it’s all you can do to wipe her tears. 

‘yes, it’s okay,’ you tell her, even though it’s very clear that it isn’t. ‘it’s going to be okay, ava.’

jillian gets ava in the c-collar, and then reaches for her hands; you ache when you let go but you move to kneel just above ava’s head so she can still see you. 

‘squeeze my hands,’ jillian says, and you think everyone is relieved when she can. ‘wonderful, ava.’ she moves down to put her palms against the bottom of ava’s studs. ‘can you push down on my hands for me?’

ava’s feet move, just the tiniest bit, and it’s bad but, still, it’s something.

‘fantastic,’ jillian nods to the paramedics and then looks to you. ‘we need to get her on the backboard.’

you understand: this will hurt her; ava is hurt. you nod, and you situate yourself so that the paramedics have room to work but ava can still see you. you haven’t noticed, but your teammates are in a protective circle around you, a hush throughout the stadium, everyone shaken — ava’s goal, at least for now, forgotten, far less important than ava. she tries to stay quiet but when the paramedics roll her on her side, just for a second, she cries out. you can’t touch her; you can’t hold her, and it breaks your heart.

the paramedics count and then lift her onto a stretcher. jillian lets you take ava’s hand again, and she keeps her eyes closed, trying to breathe. before you get to the sideline, coach superion stops you, and you kiss ava’s forehead, not caring who sees. you haven’t cared less about anything in your entire life.

the game had been waning down, in the 87’, and so it feels fair and it also feels like a deep kindness when coach superion squeezes your shoulder. ‘vincent is bringing your things from the locker room; give me a moment to sub you off properly and then you can go.’

‘i — the game isn’t over.’

coach superion looks at you very seriously. ‘beatrice, go.’

it’s permission in its command, and you jog toward the half line, let camila rub your back soothingly while you wait for the fourth official to put up the sub numbers on the board. 

‘we’re all right behind you,’ she says.

you nod. ‘thank you.’

/

‘you have to go to the world cup, bea,’ ava says. she’s in bed, connected to way too many monitors and there’s a few bags running into her IV, in a back brace after emergency surgery — which, according to dr. salvius and ava’s neurosurgeon, dr. reya, had been ultimately extremely successful. but still, a re-fractured vertebrae and new spinal cord inflammation is, at best, months of painful recovery: inpatient rehab for a few weeks, maybe another surgery, and then hours and hours of outpatient rehab every day.

‘no, i really don’t.’

‘beatrice.’

‘you matter more to me than… anything, ava,’ you say, and you kiss her hand so you don’t have to cry looking at her. she’s in pain; she’s trying to stay off of pain meds as much as possible so she can know everything that’s going on. ‘you matter to me more than a world cup; more than football.’

‘i know, my love.’ she tucks a loose strand of hair, escaped from your bun, behind your ear. ‘but you have to go. i don’t want you to give this up for me.’ 

you don’t know what else to say; your entire body aches. ‘i don’t want to go.’

she holds back tears; your team plane leaves in a few hours and lilith is waiting outside of the room to drive with you to the airport. you’d spent all night, while ava was in surgery, organizing spreadsheets of who was in town, who could visit so that ava would never have to be alone, and looking into the few inpatient rehab facilities dr. salvius had directed you to, making sure ava could have a spot.

‘i know, bea,’ she says. ‘but you gotta go win a world cup for me. i’m gonna wear your jersey when i walk again, okay?’

you cry and she lifts her hand — steadily and without too much effort, and, even though there’s a deep, deep hurt in your chest, you feel relieved and proud — and wipes your tears. ‘i love you,’ you say. ‘ava, i love you so, so much.’

‘i know,’ she says. ‘i love you too, bea. i’m gonna be so happy for you when you win.’

when you get on the plane, a few hours later, lilith doesn’t say anything from where she sits next to you when you look out the window and cry.

[eriexplosion]

Entombed, PHEE MY BELOVED.

Omega is having so much fun in the junkyard she finds extreme enrichment in being able to Steal and Scavenge. I love that Omega craves Treasure this season, it's for a sad reason (SHE HAS TO EARN HER RIGHT TO EXIST WITH HER FAMILY RIGHT?) but it's also delightful to watch. LET SMALL GIRLS STEAL ALL THEY WANT, IT'S IMPORTANT TO THEIR PSYCHE.

Bolo and Ketch at Phee's storytime is so cute

Tech you would only know the story changes every time if you were listening every time she told it (and remembering the details) you know you like storytime.

God Hunter has reached maximum tired dad in this episode like legitimately the most exhausted I have ever seen him. His completely tired voice on 'Those two will believe anything.' Tired glances exchanged with Echo. This face.

We have a bit to go before he gets to that face but I am fucking entranced by it. Haunted by it. God give him a nap.

Tech and Phee sorting through the garbage haul together. Date Night Ideas for nerds.

MEL-221 is SO cute I love the paint job

Tech absolutely wants to pick Phee's brain for more unknown systems he wants to put them on his map, he MUST put more systems on his map.

Hunter turning around while they're talking though like he senses a disturbance in the force and it's going to make his life more difficult isn't it?

God him doing grouchy knife tricks in the background watching Omega copy Phee like she used to do with him, Hunter is so mad that is HIS little sister and Phee is STEALING HER.

"Who'd wanna hide treasure here?" Echo let's be real, the best place to hide treasure is where no one in their right mind would ever want to go. It just makes sense. Their distaste for how much this place sucks is great though, Echo has two sides: One wants to be doing more to fight the Empire, the other wants to find a nice sunny spot and drink a margarita already. Notably NEITHER of those sides wants to be on Suck Planet looking for Supposed Treasure.

CUTLASS CUTLASS CUTLASS

"If I'm right, which is always~" I love her so much.

Also her dramatically like THIS IS THE ENTRANCE TO SKARA NAL! And Echo is just. The WHAT? Genuinely one of my favorite things is when someone says something and Echo's entire reaction is "What the FUCK are you TALKING ABOUT?"

Phee you need to be aware when discussing 'the ancients' that everyone besides you in this room is less than 12 years old and their entire culture began that long ago too, they have very little reference for ancient anything.

Omega <3 BABY GIRL IS SO SMART also I love laying the compass on Phee's lantern to make it a projector that is so good

Hunter sensing the creature coming before it growls, I always love to see some of his enhanced senses at play. AND WHY IS IT ALWAYS WRECKER ABOUT TO GET EATEN, WHAT ABOUT HIM IS SO IMMENSELY SNACKABLE?

"You're just making this up as you go" hush Hunter that is your entire MO and you know it.

"So we have to navigate this death trap without it?" "Good thing you have me :D" *HUNTER GIVES THE LONGEST SIGH AND DRAWS HIS GUN FOR NO REASON JUST TO EMPHASIZE HOW UNCOMFORTABLE HE IS*

I love the door opening with the SPINNING as it slides

Heart of the Mountain is so pretty I want it as a rock candy

I've noticed when they need someone to fall while they're dangling precariously it's always Echo that goes first, life is hard when you have one hand capable of gripping.

The interior when the... it looks like a tomb guardian from Jedi Fallen Order iirc... activates looks so good.

Phee protectively clinging to the Heart of the Mountain, she doesn't WANNA give it up! Fair, Phee.

Hunter saving her last minute is such a good moment too, honestly this is a fun episode and yet another one I can't understand why people hated it sooooo much. This fandom lacks joy sometimes.

Let me tell you this thing approaching the Marauder is still stressful despite knowing nothing happens to it because of my intense belief that the marauder is NOT making it out of this show in one piece.

Them all being in this thing as it randomly self destructs is a lot, WHY DOES IT DO THAT WHEN YOU PUT THE THING BACK IN

"This puts as at 0 for 2 in treasure hunting"

MEL being blown up so much that Phee keeps a backup of her on the ship is a great detail.

[saber-of-dreams]

Scorpion - Thoughts

So I'd been seeing Scorpion shorts on YouTube for the last few weeks and I have Paramount+ so I decided to try the show out.

My thoughts on it, below.

Season 1 was excellent. No notes. Loved it.

Season 2 and beyond...less so.

What I LOVED:

Ralph:

Perfection. Adorableness and brilliance all in one package. No notes.

Happy, Toby and Quintis:

Equally as strong apart as they are together, these two were the reason I loved this show so much. God their whole relationship is just...😍😍😍😍 Where do I find me a man like that?

I loved every interaction and I loved how they both grew throughout the series, both as individuals and as a couple.

Sylvester:

I really liked how Sylvester and Megan were together. I loved his dedication to her and that last episode really made me sad for him. But I also like how he (along with Happy and Toby) really matured throughout the series. He realized that if he wanted things in life he was going to have to do things he feared and that was great to watch. I loved seeing him as a lawyer and the episode where he took the test was hilarious.

Cabe:

Found family is probably my favorite trope of all time, and while I don't think this show's execution was the best I've ever seen of it, I did really like how they treated Cabe, and how all of them recognized him as a father-figure in their lives. Also I really liked how the show used someone older for the fighter character. And I really liked Allie.

Paige:

Similar to the others, I really liked how she grew into her own in the series. I liked how she took control and basically forced them to listen to her. She had a lot of good sense and I loved her openness.

Tim/Florence: I'm bundling these two because they're clearly meant to be love interests rather than independent characters. That being said, I liked them both. Tim was a genuinely cool guy and Florence, though definitely uncertain, has a lot to offer.

Now for what I didn't like.

Bet you noticed that Walter wasn't in the list above. There's a reason for that. And I know that I'm probably going to catch flack for this opinion (though probably not much since the show's been over for 6 years).

Season 1 Walter was great. He was brilliant but misunderstood. Trying to understand people, making an effort.

Then came Season 2 and it was like all of that progress was tossed out the window.

Honestly, I started to HATE Walter in season 2. I don't remember when exactly, but when he deliberately started sabotaging Paige and Tim's date...(dude...that was pathetic AF)was what cinched it for me. I recognize that he didn't have any experience with jealousy, and that emotions are hard for him, but he makes it harder on himself by his unwillingness to see what others are pointing out to him. Everything surrounding him and Tim and Paige gave me such an ick that by the end of season 2 I didn't even care about him any more and I really didn't care about him and Paige.

He can't even use the excuse of his high IQ because Ralph's IQ is higher and Ralph understood that he was an ass to his mother, and that what he did was wrong. All of them did. Walter hides behind his intelligence, his score. It's all he has going for him. It's what bothered me the most, I think. How focused he was on a meaningless number (yes, IQ is a functionally irrelevant number that measures one aspect of a person's skillset - it's not an end-all-be-all number) and how much of his worth he attributed to it and his smarts. Every other character in their show had other things about them that made them dynamic and interesting. Walter really didn't other than Megan - and then she died and his story with her was over.

And what made it worse was his unwillingness to learn. Even when he and Paige DO get together, it's obvious that he doesn't compromise for her at all. She consistently points out to him things that are inappropriate or that she doesn't like and he promises to do better...and then never does.

It's one (of many) reason(s) that I don't see Paige X Walter as a survivable relationship. Contrast it with Happy and Toby and it's obvious. Toby is consistent in telling Happy how he feels about her, but he also shows up. Prioritizes her. And when she tells him that he needs to kick his gambling habit or they're done - HE DOES - without even a blink of hesitation. And he sticks TO IT (except for that one episode, but I'll get to that later). Toby and Happy recognize that they BOTH need to make changes to make their relationship work. Happy has to open up more and be more vulnerable, Toby has to mature, and they DO.

Paige recognizes this and tries to accommodate Walter's lack of EQ, but even she points out (multiple times) how exhausting it is always being the one doing the compromising.

The only episode I REALLY hated in his series was the one where Toby helps his ex-fiance with her identity theft problem. Narratively it's meant to show the foil between how Happy/Toby and Paige/Walter work in their relationships, but I still hate that they did it. Happy trusts Toby, never even thinks that her husband is going to cheat on her. But she worries that he's being tempted by his old life. Toby immediately rejects what's her name's kiss and says that he loves his wife and only his wife. He immediately comes CLEAN to his wife about what happened, he is open and honest with her about what he did and why. She's upset, and tells him why. In other words, they communicate and then move past the issue.

Paige and Walter...not so much. Even in that episode it's clear they're not on the same page about their relationship. The whole thing about the first kiss/etc. But this is even more important with Walter's whole lie fiasco. Yeah, he admits to the dream about Florence, but then he lies to Paige about the lecture and takes Florence. And lies about it. Again. And again. Even as the others are pointing out to him that he really shouldn't do that because even if it meant nothing his obfuscating of it makes him seem guilty. He even snaps back on Toby and Happy about how Paige will never find out about the lie because he thinks he's too smart to get caught (Dude, haven't you learned by now that Karma's a Bitch?).

So, all of this to say: Walter deserved every second of that ending. Lying to Paige was bad enough. But ALL of them tried to explain to him why what he was doing was bad. And Paige was 1000% correct in ripping him a new one about it. Sly, while I don't agree with him blaming Walter for Florence rejecting him, was correct that he needed time to move on from Megan. Walter blowing up at him about it was absolutely wrong. The way that he in particular told Paige that she was being ridiculous for her feelings and for pointing out how wrong he was to LIE about what he did just made me absolutely hate him. You can basically see the entirety of their relationship die in that second. Cardinal rule - never tell someone who is mad at you that they are being ridiculous. And I know he's lashing out in fear and anger, but it's another sign among many that he doesn't have the emotional maturity to handle an adult relationship. And it's not on Paige or anyone else to do the work necessary to get him there. In fact, I agree with her assessment that he started out at about age 9 emotionally and was about a 15/16 at that last point there. Then the way he snaps back at Happy and Toby for (AGAIN) pointing out to him that he's the architect of all of this was absolutely wrong. He's blaming everyone else for his failures except himself.

So, in the end, I'm glad they walked. I think the show is stronger without Walter in it. I'm not saying that Walter CAN'T grow up and mature, but I'm saying it's been made clear through the previous seasons that he doesn't WANT to. And it's not their jobs to do that for him. It's his. Maybe if it'd gotten picked up for a season 5 they'd have been able to change my mind, but I honestly doubt it. His smugness when he meets them in that office building in the last scene says it all about him - he cares more about his own ego, his own smarts, than he does about the well-being of his team. He cannot let go of his own ego. So yeah, I like the way they completely demolish him with the succinct little detail that they already got the other job.

Realistically they have a better chance of success anyway. Despite his smarts, Walter cannot do what Happy, Toby, Paige or Sly do. He can do some of it, but he lacks their skills and mastery, and Florence and Cabe are not enough to even begin to compensate for that.

I do understand why Cabe stayed. But I also think the others wouldn't blame him for it. Florence staying was just...😬😬.

I also really liked the contrasts between the two teams: Centipede is in crisp, white, matching uniform shirts. Very cohesive and professional. Walter, Florence and Cabe are in dark colors but different textures and styles. They're loosely grouped together.

My personal head-cannon is that Centipede would eventually become the de-facto government arm and that Cabe would be reassigned to them instead. Walter would end up going to work for Elia, maybe taking Florence along. I could see Paige re-starting a relationship with Tim and it actually working without Walter interfering.

Ralph could fairly easily replace Walter's role and I think he'd enjoy doing it. I also think he'd have a hard time forgiving Walter, not only for hurting his mom (AGAIN), but for the way he's treated the other members of the team. I know he mentioned really wanting Walter to be his dad, but I think he'd let go of that after what Walter did to his mom (AGAIN).

I could see Walter eventually making progress and growing up, but it definitely wouldn't be fixed within a season. I'd see that kind of re-evaluation of life and priorities taking a good 3-5 years, possibly longer.

The other thing that really started to rub me wrong on this show was its predictability - i.e. opening relationship drama, then job, job is easy then - NOPE something goes wrong - usually something one of them does. Then at least one of them almost dies. Then they have to figure out how to save the other(s), save the day, and then fix the relationship drama of the week. It's all a bit...boring.

So while the show overall had some great moments (QUINTIS is my new OTP), overall the show's quality and writing was pretty mid.

[heronpoxed]

I decided to re-watch SOA, idk why because I know how painful it will be lol. Anyways, I loved tara when I first watched the show and I love her now. I truly do not understand the hate she gets. I have my own theories on why she get's so much hate, but I'm wondering what your take on it is. I find it especially disgusting the hate she gets from many women in this fandom. They seem to hate tara yet give a free pass to all the horrible things most of the men on this show did, its wild lol

hii<33 i’m so happy you deemed me worthy enough to ask for my opinion on this topic lol

First off, don’t be hard on yourself for rewatching SOA. God knows I’ve rewatched it way too many times even though it always results in my anxiety and unease.

Anyway, I truly believe that i’m gonna get k!lled for this but still, buckle up we have much to discuss. Honestly, this is gonna be a long one.

SPOILERS for anyone who hasn’t seen the show till the end!

There are many reasons why people hate Tara and I’m sure you notice most - if not all - of them but at the end of the day it all comes down to misogyny, internalized misogyny and favoritism. As you said, they excuse every horrible thing that men do because it’s a men-centered show with very attractive male characters. Trust me, if Charlie was not conventionally attractive everyone would’ve hated Jax lol and it’d be absolutely laughable if anyone said otherwise.

It shouldn’t come as news to anyone how sexist and misogynistic most of the SOA fandom is. I’ve talked about this before and say it again that the fans of this show (especially women) are so quick to put blame on female character’s horrible behavior for the shit that male characters build the foundation for. For example, as much as I dislike both Ima and Colette it wasn’t exactly their fault that they were so present in the club life. It wasn’t as if both Jax and Opie hadn’t been more than willing to sleep with Ima. They both let her be a part of SAMCRO, which as a result affected their families. And then seeing both these men treat Ima like shit and even get physically violent with her was fucking awful to watch because they were the ones who had done the damage in the first place. Same goes for the Colette situation. Jax was the one who allowed her to sleep with him yet the fandom is calling her a wh*re. As if sex doesn’t happen among multiple people.

Disgusting and frustrating as hell!

People hate Tara for numerous reasons:

- they think she’s annoying

- they think she’s indecisive

- they hate that a wife tried to take the sons away from a father

- they think her methods were questionable

- ‘she had an out and she didn’t take it and now reprimands Jax for it’

- they think she never cared about Jax and didn’t love him as much.

- ‘she betrayed him’

- she knew what she was signing up for when she decided to date Jax

- she doesn’t own up to her mistakes.

- some of them actually hate her because they don’t see chemistry between Maggie and Charlie which blows my mind. You may think that a couple lacks chemistry but hating a female lead for it is a bit extreme, not to mention utterly misogynistic.

To me, Tara’s only crime was her hair in season 6 lol but on a more objective note:

Y’all see selfishness and betrayal while what I see is Tara prioritizing and choosing Jax over and over again because she’s holding onto the promises that Jax made to her (that he ultimately kept breaking), the idea of having a peaceful family and onto the bond that they had when they first fell in love (she says as much in 6x13). Anyone who says that Tara was selfish and never cared for or deserved Jax is completely out of line because if anything, Tara loved and valued Jax more that he ever did her (see: constant infidelity). The answer to why Tara didn’t leave until the last possible minute is simple: she loved him.

People also seem to ignore the fact that leaving Charming and giving their children a peaceful life was what both Tara and Jax wanted. The guy literally gave his baby up to some strangers FFS even after everything that he and SAMCRO went through to finally track Abel down (one of the saddest scenes on the show, mind you). Taking one look at Abel’s adoptive parents was enough for Jax to know that his life would only be harmful for the baby. I don’t see anyone reprimand Jax for that?!?! If it weren’t for Gemma’s non-stop gnawing and Opie’s death, he wouldn’t have lost sense of what he wanted since the fist episode(!!) - to give his kids a better life.

People accuse Tara of being ‘indecisive,’ saying that she willingly turned down an out when she had it etc. well let me ask you this: and Jax wasn’t?!?! It literally goes both ways. I could write a whole goddamn essay on this one. Tara couldn’t make up her mind on whether or not she should’ve stayed with Jax just like Jax couldn’t make up his own on if he wanted Tara gone or not. I’m sick of people ignoring that. Jax and Tara’s entire dynamic is this constant back and forth between their morals. People call Tara annoying and indecisive for this but call Jax ‘complex’ and ‘complicated’ and ‘conflicted’ while doing the exact same thing. Another case of sexism and misogyny.

When people say that Tara knew what she signed up for when she decided to be with Jax, they aren’t wrong. She did know. However, it was very clearly shown on SOA that despite being involved in a risky illegal business, this constant trouble and bloodshed was not normal for the club. The entire time Tara was gone, everything unfolded discreetly and with minimal trouble that never affected the families of the club members. Almost the entirety of seasons 1 and 2 Gemma kept assuring Tara that it wasn’t always this troublesome with them and Jax kept assuring her that he’d fix things. Tara just came back at a bad time when everything went to shit and kept going to deeper shit. What Tara signed up for was the promise that things would go back to normal because peace and discretion used to be SAMCRO’s normal.

To all those questioning Tara’s methods for taking Thomas and Abel away let me tell you this: while it was risky and morally gray, it was literally what Jax wished John Teller had done for him and his brother Thomas. If you rewatch 4x01 Jax says that John should’ve ran Gemma’s ass over, taken him and Thomas and gotten the hell out of Charming in response to Tara reminding him that Gemma wouldn’t have let them go. This, once again, comes back to Jax losing his sense of direction after Opie’s death. If Jax was okay with John ‘running’ Gemma over, then he’d also be okay with Tara doing the same thing.

So this is what Tara did, ‘ran Gemma’s ass over’ (in a sense) to get her kids away from that life - something that Jax wanted his own father to do for him and something that he himself actually would’ve done if it came down to it.

And don’t forget that it was the circumstances that forced Tara to consider being a rat. She never wanted to rat on her husband and the club. She says as much to Lee Toric in prison. And those saying that she wasn’t owning up to her mistakes clearly ignore or fail to see that Tara hated her plan the entire time and she was constantly at war with herself. She knew full well that her plan wasn’t that of a saint but she did what she thought she had to do. Her heart was in the right place from day 1 and if anything she was the one who got betrayed in the end because Unser, Wendy, Lowen - they all chickened out and left her to fend for herself in complete chaos.

People even prefer Gemma to Tara even though she’s literally evil incarnate willing to kill her husband to maintain the power that comes with the club. It’s all because Gemma is a w*t dream of every person that’s a victim of patriarchy. Most of the fandom believes that you only deserve rights as a woman if you’re badass like Gemma lmao.

We all know the entire point of the show I’m not gonna elaborate any further on that one. The scene between Jax and Patterson in 6x13 speaks for itself. Tara, as a character, served as a reminder of that point. People literally take Jax’s side over hers only because he is hot lol. Every single decision that Tara made in the entire show is literally backed up by logic and reasonable evidence within the TV show itself. Even Kurt Sutter was shook on the amount of hate that she got and has stated multiple times that Tara was always right.

However, it is also worth noting that most of us Gen Z are team Tara, which makes me think that the hate toward her comes from the more closed off mindset of the older generation (obviously this doesn’t include everyone).

So yeah, the answer to your question is misogyny.

Sorry for this enormous answer but I can literally defend Tara non-stop till the day I d!e. If there’s anything else you’d like to know you can ask me or message me any time It’d be my pleasure<3 and feel free to share ur theories. I’m very curious about them.

[such-a-barbarian]

Weekly Tag Game!

I've been MIA on vacation with the family, so I've missed a few of these. But I am now back in the land of ice and snow so figured I hop on this one quick! Thanks to @francesrose3, @juliakayyy and @jrooc for this week's tags and to all the lovelies who tagged me last week in things I didn't respond to. 😝

name: Kell

age: closer to Noel then Cameron

star sign: a non-believing Aries

your first language: English

second language: I can speak a grade 9 Ontario level French, which basically means I can say very useful phrases like "I am a pineapple in a library".

favorite lip product: The Body Shop has a line of Hemp products including a lip balm that I am a big fan of.

the best food dish you can make without a recipe: My hubby is a big fan of the meatballs I make. I also make a pretty mean hidden veggie mac and cheese (the things you learn with toddlers at home...)

If you drink tea, what kind? I have a cup of Tetley orange pekeo every morning.

If you drink coffee, what roast do you usually get? I do not drink coffee

favorite thing to watch on youtube right now: Besides Gallavich scenes on repeat? My top watched channel is the Try Guys. 🤷🏻‍♀️

favorite thing to watch on youtube in 2012: Honestly, probably Buzzfeed. lol

favorite item of clothing right now: My oversized bright pink hoodie from my local independent ice cream shop, with the most adorable ice cream logo on it.

favorite item of clothing in 2012: probably also some type of oversized hoodie

fandom

three movies you recommend: Not really sure if these fit the 'fandom' category but my 3 fav movies of all time: The Princess Bride, Best in Show and The Newsies.

your favorite concert: This is tough, I've seen a lot of great shows! But many moons ago when my hubby and I were first dating Everlast came to a music fest in town. My hubby is a huge fan so we went together and it was a miserable day, pouring rain and cold, but we had SUCH a good time. Cause of the rain it was a pretty small but mighty crowd and Everlast was awesome. It is just such a good memory for me!

have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion? Nope. This is the only fandom I have ever really participated in and it's been lovely!

have you ever left a fandom because of the fans? Please see above

the best tv show you watched last year: Schimgadoon! Just finishing season 2 now and I am so very sad season 3 wasn't picked up.

do you have a fancasting you just can’t let go of? I will never be over the fact that Arianna Grande was cast as Glinda in the Wicked Movie when they could’ve had Dove Cameron.

a ship you’ve abandoned: I was super into Belle and Shawn from Days of Our Lives back in the day. I read a bunch of fanfic, but never really interacted in the fandom. But once the original actors left the show and I grew out of high school they lost appeal to me.

on a scale of 1-10 how willing are you to share your ao3 history? haha. share with who? on tumblr? probably 10 - nothing would shock any of you. With a random person in my everyday life...probably zero. haha

do you have a fandom tattoo? (do you want one?) I am tattoo free and at this point in my life will mostly remain that way.

what fandom do you wish was bigger? 🤷‍♀️

has a finale ever ruined a show for you? Definitely. The worst for me was How I Met Your Mother. It still makes me so mad.

have you…

swam in an ocean? Many times. Just last week in fact! Thank you, Mexico!

ever been vegan/vegetarian? Nope, we try to do meatless Monday in our house to mix things up but I enjoy meat too much to go full vegetarian.

gone skinny dipping? yup. It is a backcountry camping must!

gone skiing? A ton! It's been a few years since being pregnant/having babies isn't conducive to skiing, but I adore it. It is my favourite winter activity!

been to a convention? nope.

I’ll tag @tanktopgallavich @transmickey @callivich @zutaralesbian @iansw0rld @krysmiss @lupeloto @catluvver118 If you feel like it this week!

[freesia-writes]

The Master Post of All the Tags Lately

Jeez, you guys, I feel so stinkin loved. I've been here for literally 3 months and it's just... the best. It's redeemed social media, LOL. So much creativity and fun and humor and just absolute awesomeness.

ANYWAY. I've been hyperfixated on my smutty Crosshair fic collab with @lightwise, so I haven't answered any of the fun things y'all have been tagging me in lately, so I'm doing them ALL AT ONCE. ;)

Last Song: Blinding Lights by The Weeknd

Currently Watching: nothing, can you believe it?!

Currently Reading: The Gospel of Mark and amazing fanfics (I'd tag em but there's too many and I fear missing someone)

Current Obsession: Clones right now. Fanfic writing, sexy clone fanart.

@sunshinesdaydream @rain-on-kamino

My Mood Board/Core/Aesthetic -- Total disclosure, I hand-picked the images to reflect all the sides of me...

@sinfulsalutations @the-bad-batch-baroness

The Latest Line from my WIP:

Crosshair’s hand was suddenly on the small of your back again, warm and deliberate, a life preserver in a tumultuous ocean of emotions and memories; he stiffened as he felt your tension and the slight shudder as you fought to maintain composure.

@clone-anon @annwayne @ladyzirkonia

9 of my Favorite Characters:

They actually are in order from least to most favorite, coincidentally. Although I might switch Gregor and Rex. ;)

@annwayne @techs-stitches @photogirl894

I'm too lazy to figure out the snow globe date thing but I can tell you it'd be me and my man in a forest by a river with a bunch of snack food. @anxiouspineapple99

A scent I love: RAIN

Something I'm looking forward to this week: a super chill weekend with family and a ton of progress on the smutty Crosshair fic ;)

A book I'm currently reading: see above

A game I'm currently playing: Super Mario 3D World or Mario Kart on the Switch with the fam

Most recent movie: I never watch movies. Idk why. But I can watch hours of TBB or TCW, haha. So uhhhh. GEEZ. Honestly, no idea.

Watching anything on TV: not consistently. Occasional episodes of The Office. Taking a break from Star Wars as I'm writing and reading like crazy here. ;)

Favorite season: GARLIC IS A SEASON, @doublesunsets!? You're my hero. I usually say fall (basic white girl) but this year it's been spring. I love rain, green, salamanders, creeks, fog, etc. I was raised in Oregon but am in California now, so it's nice to have glimpses of the Pacific Northwest.

Something I've learned lately: Zoloft can significantly decrease your sexual responsiveness. ;)

Have I had water today? Heck yes. I tote my giant water bottle around everywhere.

Also too lazy to make a picrew, but sending love and hugs to you @thecoffeelorian, haha

Holla if I missed any! XD

[lord-aldhelm]

Welcome to my blog!

I decided to create this thing to keep all my insanity contained in one location. This currently encompasses a laser-focused obsession and hyperfixation on the above ↑↑↑

Springtime in Saltwic (AO3): Aldhelm x Aethelflaed post Season 3, 115k words, 27 chapters, Rated M

Calm Before The Storm (AO3): Takes place just after King Ceolwulf's death in 2.03, Aethelred and Aldhelm's history together. 3.2k words, Rated T

Loyal Guardian (AO3): Aldhelm's rise to captain of the guard. 2.8k words, Rated T

Darkest Before the Dawn (AO3): The story of how Aldhelm fell in love with Aethelflaed. Post Season 2. Rated M. IN PROGRESS

Get To Know Them Alphabet (Tumblr)

My Collection of Essays (Tumblr)

Aldhelm Character Analysis (Tumblr)

Recommended Fic List June 2024

Recommended Fic List Sept 2024

Season 2 (2.03, 2.05, 2.06, 2.07, 2.08)

Season 3 (3.01, 3.02, 3.03, 3.04, 3.05, 3.07, 3.08. 3.09, 3.10)

Season 4 (4.01, 4.03, 4.04, 4.05, 4.06, 4.07, 4.08, 4.10)

Season 5 (5.01, 5.02, 5.03, 5.04, 5.05, 5.06, 5.07, 5.08, 5.09, 5.10)

Seven Kings Must Die

Lord-Aldhelm Edits (which includes caps and memes)

Season 2 Gifs (2.03, 2.05, 2.06, 2.07, 2.08)

Season 3 Gifs (3.01, 3.02, 3.03, 3.04, 3.05, 3.07, 3.08, 3.09, 3.10)

Season 4 Gifs

Season 5 Gifs

SKMD Gifs

All Gifs

Aldhelm Fanart (including my own)

TLK Gifs (others mostly)

TLK Memes

Official Promo Photos

Behind the Scenes Photos

Con Photos

Northcotej Photography: All of James BTS photos for The Last Kingdom

Archive for more

LadyAldhelm: for reblogging writing resources and other things

James Northcote Fan Blog

TLK-Kingdomsource: Source Blog for The Last Kingdom

About this Blog:

So, I originally started this blog so I could reblog all the Aldhelm posts I had been bookmarking over the past year and a half, keeping them all in one place since I did not want to post them on my main art blog. I also wanted to use it to post my fic, since I finally decided to take the risk and publish it for better or for worse, and also share all the screencaps I had been taking for drawing references (and just for my own pleasure let's be honest here).

I am rather late to this fandom, having binge watched this show in the middle of last year (2022) just as season 5 was released. It was sitting in my watchlist on Netflix for a few years, but I neglected it, thinking it was just another Vikings ripoff. Boy was I wrong. This show has really gotten to me in a way that no other TV show or movie has. I have never been so obsessed with a TV show or movie in my entire life.

But what compelled me to make an Aldhelm blog? Well, for starters, it had become apparent to me that, although many in this fandom like his character, very few consider him to be their favorite character, and far fewer still are obsessed about him in the same way that many are about Sihtric or Finan, for example. I still can't wrap my head around that, but maybe I am the weirdo, so oh well. I will create another post about why I love him so much at a later date if anyone cares to read it.

There are tons of blogs for the show in general and for other characters, and most of Uhtred's "pretty boys" get lots of love on here, but not so much for Aldhelm. I don't know if anyone else will really care about anything on this blog, but it is honestly not why I made it. This is more for my own sake than anyone else's, and if anyone else gets anything out of this that is great too.