#honestly i enjoy most things by chuck palahniuk

[meanbossart]

Ask Compilation: Advice, influences and Misc.

Apologies for taking so long on some of these, admittedly I'm much more likely to entirely forget about asks that are about me and my interests 💃 Thank you for all the questions regardless! And thank you specially to everyone who just drops nice messages into my inbox out of kindness.

I'm brazillian and a native portuguese speaker!

I'll probably return to twitter eventually, but a) I hate that place and b) It didn't make much sense to me to turn it into a BG3 account out of the blue. I am considering making an Instagram or a new twitter just to have more places where people can follow in case they don't care for tumblr, but it's just been a very busy year so far and so that's kind of low on the list of priorities. If I ever do that I'll be sure to announce it here. Have a nice day yourself!

Sorry to hear that! I've gotten a few messages before about this issue, and the problem is that since I am myself not from the US, my options are also limited :( a lot of patreon alternatives don't work for me because they either don't go through paypal, take insane currency conversion fees, or just straight up block me from signing up.

Speak for yourself, I just assume everyone I speak to online has committed some sort of atrocious crime until proven otherwise. Except for me - of course. I have never done anything bad in my life.

I still have a lot to learn! But I will basically use whatever works for me at the moment, as well as make a sincere effort to learn about musculature and anatomy so I can understand those components and how they move, instead of only knowing what they look like when still - that's how you get better at drawing from memory. Volume mostly comes from coloring and understanding light, which is it's own beast but can very much be learned from similar reference materials and observing it IRL!

My favorite places to get reference are medical diagrams, weird pictures I take of myself, 3D software (often Virt-a-mate) and questionably phrased image google searches.

My favorite artists are Jason Shawn Alexander and Sean Murphy, but I'm not sure how much of it reflects in my art nowadays! I generally seek to pick up techniques from artists rather than to emulate style.

Honestly I love that you guys generally do the thing he would hate the most: take him very non-seriously LOL

I've been in a real Chelsea Wolfe and Amyl And The Sniffers kick lately! But usually you'll also find me listening to stuff like Boy Harsher, Swans, FWF, JK Flesh Lingua Ignota, Nick Cave, David Bowie, and so on. Music for the weird gays, basically.

I went insane and wrote a 23-chapter-long-and-still-ongoing fic in like four months. But also - I'm not that good, I'm just shamelessly pretentious LOL

Hm. That's a good question, but I'm not really sure. Sincerely not trying to be a edgier-than-thou here (in fact, this has made me a little self conscious at one time or another) but a lot of art that I don't mean to be horror-y in nature at all has been associated with the genre. So perhaps I don't know what I'm doing either, LOL.

I think just leaning on making things look slightly "wrong" or "ugly" on purpose is the way, but I also find that if you just seek to depict people as they are instead of idealized versions of themselves, you will arrive at that either way.

Thank you for reading! Honestly, I'm guilty of having not read much at all since I was in my late teens, and the style I'm employing for ANE is very different from the things I would call "influential" for me, or even that I used to enjoy reading at all before. I read a lot of Chuck Palahniuk as a youth (and, no slight to people who do like him still, but nowadays I'm not sure why I ever did. His stories don't speak to me at all anymore) as well a lot of weird experimental lit that I didn't even care to remember the name of. My last book stint from one or two years ago was composed solely of historical and medical literature, and last year I got really into Cormac Mcarthy thanks to the internet.

So, all in all, I'm absolutely all over the place LOL if you put a gun to my head and told me to list my favorite books, I'd say The Indifferent Stars Above and Blood Meridian.

(Consider the reading portion of the question to have been answered above) I really really liked Beau is Afraid and think it's a really great "horror" movie. Sue me.

[haze-cat-man]

I love surreal horror and dark fiction, so I wanted to make a list recommending some of my favorites!

(I’m going to include some trigger warnings with each recommendation but I am doing it from memory so please, use your own discretion before reading any of these.)

1. I’m Thinking Of Ending Things. It’s an excellent subversion on the thriller genre and I highly recommend you go in as blind as possible.

(TW: mental illness, suicide, stalking, animal death)

2. Fever Dream. Appropriate to its name this one reads like a Fever Dream, its quick, abstract, and bitting. It’s covers something rarely talked about but definitely horrifying, and it dose an amazing job of it.

(Child suffering, disability, animal death, poisoning, parental stress)

3. The Vegetarian. This book is a bit less mind bending as the others on this list but it’s no less strange or incredible. Taking even the seemingly mundane and twisting it to something tense and thought provoking. I’ve never read anything else like it.

(Sexism, SA, abuse, body horror, starvation, meat.)

4. Woom. This one’s by a very large margin the most disturbing, so be carful. i find it genuinely difficult to articulate what I like about it. It’s a psychosexual nightmare, bordering on splatter punk, which is not what I normally read. most of the time I wouldn’t enjoy this kind of over the top depravity boring, but there’s something so compelling in the way the prose are written that it kept me gripped and stilling thinking about it to this day.

(Tw: everything honestly do not read this if you don’t have the stomach for extreme horror. Most notably SA, intense gore, body horror, and pregnancy horror.)

5: Rant: An Oral Biography Of Buster Casey. This is my all time favorite book. If your familiar with Chuck Palahniuk’s other work then you’ll know some of what to expect in this one, though I’d argue it’s out there even for him. Grimy to it core, this book’s atmosphere is amazing. Real feeling character set in this bazaar world, fallowing logic close to, but not quite our own. It is an experience to read.

(TW: SA, Incest, child abuse, illness, snakes, spiders, car crashes, gore and gross out.)

[quispy-quisp]

AFYCSO vs VLV, what... even...

disclaimer: this is just a really totally biased kind of "deep-dive" into the difference between AFYCSO & VLV. yes I know there's a 17 year gap between these albums but it's such a stark contrast I can't not talk about how crazy it is to me!! (this is gonna be a long ass post lmao sorry) Panic! At The Disco and my feelings about the band

Growing up I was definitely into TWTLTRTD & DOAB era Panic! (blame my yeemo phase) but now that I'm a little older I think that AFYCSO & Pretty. Odd. are some of my all-time favourite albums. Nothing Panic ever put out pre-split makes me feel how Ryan Ross's lyrics did and every song off AFYCSO is very close to my heart. I am also a pretty avid disliker of Pray For The Wicked so just keep that in mind. All things Fever A Fever You Can't Sweat Out was released on September 27th 2005 with band members Brendon Urie, Spencer Smith, Ryan Ross, & Brent Wilson from Las Vegas. Their first album for the most part was received with a pretty mixed reaction, they were praised for not really sounding like anything there was at the time (there still isn't a band that sounds just like early Panic did) but criticized for their extremely lucky break by being signed to DCD2 which was a newly formed label owned by Pete Wentz & Patrick Stump as an off-shoot of Fueled By Ramen. In terms of sound, it's kind of hard for me to classify but there are very theatrical elements to most of the songs on that album. The album is split into two distinct sounds of music with the first half of the album being more dance-oriented and the second half being a lot more "emo" Ryan Ross, who was the main lyricist for this album, takes a lot of inspiration from author Chuck Palahniuk and his own personal experiences with infidelity & his relationship with his father. I honestly love this album I don't really have anything bad to say about it. I think Camisado & Build God, Then We'll Talk are some of my favourite songs ever so if you haven't listened to this album yet I can't recommend it enough.

Viva Las Vengeance

I don't know much about this album, unfortunately, I've listened to it ONCE but I can tell that I'm not the biggest fan of a lot of this album, it was released on August 19th 2022 under the artist name Panic! at the disco even though it's been just Brendon for a good amount of time now (that's a whole other can of worms).

From what I've read about the lyrics I think this is supposed to be a concept album but whatever the concept or underlying story is it's lost on me. I do like that they brought back the more orchestral/theatrical feel of the first albums but it still falls flat for me.

Brendon's lyrics to me feel very surface-level and almost rudimentary but I will say that Don't Let the Light Go Out is kind of a banger.

A good chunk of the time when a certain lyric is repeated at the beginning of the album and then repeated at the end, it symbolizes some sort of change in the perspective, for example, one of my other favourite albums Armor For Sleep's What To Do When You're Dead repeats the lyric "don't believe that the weather is perfect the day that you die" showing that the narrator for the album (who dies in the first song) has given up on trying to get the people who are living to hear him, in contrast to the beginning where he feels like he needs these people still (if that makes sense lol).

Brendon I feel tries to do something similar with the lyric "shut up and go to bed" repeating in the first and final track but I still really don't know what this is supposed to symbolize. it feels like there was no growth in this which makes it a lot harder for me to grasp what this album is about. Another thing I really did not enjoy about this album was the use of an 8-track tape, most if not all modern artists use auto-tune and that was really something that was lacking in this album. Brendon has always been known as the guy with the voice, with the decision to use the 8-track tape, it means you can't really auto-tune (as far as I know I might be wrong) and you can hear that Brendon is struggling to hit a good chunk of these high notes which makes some songs a lot more difficult to listen to and makes Brendon's voice a lot less palatable.

One thing I did notice in at least Middle Of A Breakup and Sad Clown is that there's this build-up for a big drop that just doesn't happen and it really throws me off. Some of these songs could be a lot better if they followed a more standard composition because without it they just sound a little wonky/off. And my last gripe with this album is Local God. If this isn't about Dallon Weekes and Ryan Ross I genuinely do not know what on earth this is supposed to be? It is extremely disrespectful to reduce two extremely creative people that you used to be close with to has-beens and "local gods". if this song is supposed to be a sincere song, then I think it may be a little tone-deaf and inappropriate especially as Ryan Ross is one of the main people responsible for Panic! At The Disco even being a thing, and Dallon Weekes being one of the most genuinely creative artists I've seen in a while. What Happened? Not only do I think the passage of time really affected the sound of Panic albums I also think the loss of the original lineup hurt the band's sound. I don't think everything post-split is bad but there's just something about the first two albums that are unmatched compared to everything else in their discography. even when Brendon is going for a more authentic sound using the 8-track tape, it still sounds wildly corporate to me and I think that's why I love the first 2 albums. I know emo doesn't really sell anymore but going the pop root honestly made me a lot less interested in panic than I was growing up. This album more than anything just made me miss pre-split more than I already do and really disappointed in Brendon for continuing the Panic! At The Disco name after everyone had left. It's really sad knowing most people only see Panic as Brendon when it was so much more back in the 2000s.

Anyway, that's the end of my post thanks for reading this, remember this is just my opinion I'd love to know what you think so shoot me a DM or comment whatever. Listen to AFYCSO and don't listen to Viva Las Vengeance for the love of god. Have a good night!!

[willowser]

hi, what are some of your favorite books? :)

hi there :)

so i admittedly don't read as much as i should or wish i did, but these are the books that come to mind when answering this question:

gone girl, gillian flynn

“It’s a very difficult era in which to be a person, just a real, actual person, instead of a collection of personality traits selected from an endless Automat of characters.”

“Give me a man with a little fight in him, a man who calls me on my bullshit. (But who also kind of likes my bullshit.) And yet: Don’t land me in one of those relationships where we’re always pecking at each other, disguising insults as jokes, rolling our eyes and ‘playfully’ scrapping in front of our friends, hoping to lure them to our side of an argument they could not care less about. Those awful if only relationships: This marriage would be great if only… and you sense the if only list is a lot longer than either of them realizes.”

“I often don't say things out loud, even when I should. I contain and compartmentalize to a disturbing degree: In my belly-basement are hundreds of bottles of rage, despair, fear, but you'd never guess from looking at me.”

“You are a man. You are an average, lazy, boring, cowardly, woman-fearing man. Without me, that's what you would have kept on being, ad nauseam. But I made you into something. You were the best man you've ever been with me. And you know it. The only time in your life you've ever liked yourself was pretending to be someone I might like.”

sharp objects, gillian flynn

“Sometimes I think illness sits inside every woman, waiting for the right moment to bloom. I have known so many sick women all my life. Women with chronic pain, with ever-gestating diseases. Women with conditions. Men, sure, they have bone snaps, they have backaches, they have a surgery or two, yank out a tonsil, insert a shiny plastic hip. Women get consumed.”

“The face you give the world tells the world how to treat you.”

“A child weaned on poison considers harm a comfort.”

“I'm here, I said, and it felt shockingly comforting, those words. When I'm panicked, I say them aloud to myself. I'm here. I don't usually feel that I am. I feel like a warm gust of wind could exhale my way and I'd be disappeared forever, not even a sliver of fingernail left behind. On some days, I find this thought calming; on others it chills me.”

frankenstein, mary shelley

“I do know that for the sympathy of one living being, I would make peace with all. I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other.”

“There is something at work in my soul, which I do not understand.”

“Even broken in spirit as he is, no one can feel more deeply than he does the beauties of nature. The starry sky, the sea, and every sight afforded by these wonderful regions, seems still to have the power of elevating his soul from earth. Such a man has a double existence: he may suffer misery, and be overwhelmed by disappointments; yet, when he has retired into himself, he will be like a celestial spirit that has a halo around him, within whose circle no grief or folly ventures.”

“Nothing is more painful to the human mind than, after the feelings have been worked up by a quick succession of events, the dead calmness of inaction and certainty which follows and deprives the soul both of hope and fear.”

“If I see but one smile on your lips when we meet, occasioned by this or any other exertion of mine, I shall need no other happiness.”

letters to a young poet, rainer maria rilke

“Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.”

“I beg you, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”

“So don't be frightened, dear friend, if a sadness confronts you larger than any you have ever known, casting its shadow over all you do. You must think that something is happening within you, and remember that life has not forgotten you; it holds you in its hand and will not let you fall. Why would you want to exclude from your life any uneasiness, any pain, any depression, since you don't know what work they are accomplishing within you?”

“In the deepest hour of the night, confess to yourself that you would die if you were forbidden to write. And look deep into your heart where it spreads its roots, the answer, and ask yourself, must I write?”

the hobbit, j r. r. tolkien

“There is nothing like looking, if you want to find something. You certainly usually find something, if you look, but it is not always quite the something you were after.”

“So comes snow after fire, and even dragons have their endings.”

“May the wind under your wings bear you where the sun sails and the moon walks.”

“There is more in you of good than you know, child of the kindly West. Some courage and some wisdom, blended in measure. If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.”

invisible monsters, chuck palahniuk

“Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I've ever known.”

“If death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character...Would you slow down? Or speed up?”

“Don't do what you want. Do what you don't want. Do what you're trained not to want. Do the things that scare you the most.”

“You can only hold a smile for so long, after that it's just teeth.”

fight club, chuck palahniuk

“At the time, my life just seemed too complete, and maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves.”

“I’ve met God across his long walnut desk with his diplomas hanging on the wall behind him, and God asks me, “Why?” Why did I cause so much pain? Didn’t I realize that each of us is a sacred, unique snowflake of special unique specialness? Can’t I see how we’re all manifestations of love? I look at God behind his desk, taking notes on a pad, but God’s got this all wrong. We are not special. We are not crap or trash, either. We just are. We just are, and what happens just happens. And God says, “No, that’s not right.” Yeah. Well. Whatever. You can’t teach God anything.”

“Tyler lies back and asks, "If Marilyn Monroe were alive right now, what would she be doing?" I say, goodnight. The headliner hangs down in shreds from the ceiling and Tyler says, "Clawing at the lid of her coffin.”

[sourkitsch]

tagged by @witchstone

Rules: tag 10 people you want to know better

relationship status : Single which is the wisest choice for everyone.

favorite color: yellow! I have a yellow ikea couch and a yellow ikea armchair

favorite food: it used to be sushi before I worked at a sushi restaurant & now I’m kind of just…. Not eating it for a while. Let’s say for the near future it’s samosas.

song stuck in your head: Always by Saliva. Angsty dad rock is my guilty pleasure

last thing you googled: cheap hotels in Philly December 14th-18th (planning my birthday trip . Celebrating with Lingua Ignota & Marcel Duchamp & that giant intestine at the Mütter )

time: 10:52 am

dream trip: I mean I’m always talking about going to Florence one day but honestly that’s very manageable. Maybe elsewhere In Italy? Seeing the Biennale would be a really great experience

last book you read: The Dancing Plague by Gareth Brookes! It’s a graphic novel done all in pyrography & embroidery and it follows the life of a fictional medieval mystic at the heart of the 1518 dancing plague. A bit of a dry read but I read it for the art mostly!

last book you enjoyed reading: Mystery of the Blue Train by Agatha Christie. Agatha……….. your mind.

last book you hated reading: Choke by Chuck Palahniuk. I didn’t hate the book but the experience was really unsettling + uncomfortable. Definitely not the best choice for my own mental health.

favorite thing to cook/bake: I keep ratatouille in pretty heavy rotation in my meal planning!! It’s so easy to make & its so yummy and there’s really not a whole lot of dishes or prep and it’s very versatile you can eat it for like every meal (and I do)!

most niche dislike: people who are incapable of having thoughts that are not about whatever fandom they’re in.

opinion on the circus: I mean in America certain states have laws regarding animal welfare in the circus and I hope that becomes more of a trend. Circus history, specifically the sideshow, has always fascinated me both just as a person as well as an artist (I have read a lot about sideshow posters). I think circuses have been and continue to be ethically complex spaces. Sorry no childlike wonderment here.

do you have a sense of direction: yes, absolutely. I’ll get turned around the first time I visit a place bc google maps is not my friend, but after that I’m pretty good! I’m the best with indoor places, I have several museum layouts memorized. Someone hire me as a docent.

Tagging @spirithalloween @girllestat @blood-and-breath @itcannothold @holyfoal @letitbeafairytalethen @orpheuslament @aidaughter @good-as-dead @midnightsbytswift

[drunktuesdays]

hi Lea! i love your blog and your fics! i got into wrestling rpf bc of you lol do u have any advice for someone who struggles with their vocabulary when writing fic? I like to think I read a lot but my fics feel very dry

This is SUCH a nice ask, thank you for sending it!!!!!

i think all of us struggle sometimes with thinking our writing is too dry. especially in opening scenes where you're trying really hard to orient your reader in that particular story's space, time, and universe, it's really really easy to focus on the function of the scene and drop style. i've DEFINITELY done it and had to go back and moisten it all up.

i think honestly the best thing you can do is read other people's stuff. read in fandoms you're not in. read anything you find interesting. make notes when you find a phrase that tickles your fancy. don't steal the entire sentence wholesale obviously, but when you like a turn of phrase, remember it. keep a google doc with odds and ends that you enjoy. halfhardtorock had a now-deleted fic where they had derek fingering stiles, and used the phrase "stiles cats into it." objectively insane, you don't really see anyone using cats as a verb like that, but it's so evocative, you can picture exactly what they mean. and i've remembered it for like ten years. and someday i'm gonna be writing the perfect scene for me to use cat as a verb in that way, and it's gonna be glorious. i won't steal the sentence obviously. literally please don't plagiarize anyone, but just appreciate great word choices!!! notice when other people are doing cool things, and take note of what you like about it! discuss it with your friends! i think it makes me a stronger and more thoughtful writer every time i finish a story and then immediately open a (PRIVATE) dm to a friend to dissect everything i liked and everything i would have done different in a work.

the other most valuable piece of advice i think i can pass on is actually a little mortifying, it's like, okay am i going to rec chuck palahniuk right now? unfortunately yes....i can't get the site with the original essay to load so i'm just going to link a tumblr post with it. I don't think it's necessary to actually go through the exercise of BANNING yourself from thought verbs, but it IS really helpful to start picking it out when you realize you're doing too many. i tend not to REALLY love doing a lot of inner monologue, and frankly i'm not that good at it, so it's really helpful for me personally to sit there and say to myself, okay what do i want to convey here and how do i convey it without just saying "dustin thought jim looked hot." it's a good exercise to police yourself about it sometimes, especially if you are worried things are coming out dry. ESPECIALLY check for the thesis statement paragraphs he talks about. that's one of the easiest things you can check and eliminate, because once you start noticing it, you realize how little you need it.

[imsodishy]

Tag 10 people you want to get to know better!

tagged by @biillyhargroves Thanks! 🥰

Relationship Status: Single, with no interest in mingling

Favourite Colour: Purple. Specifically lavender, but I also like darker jewel tone purples too.

Favourite Food: Potatoes. Not to sound like a hobbit but there is a million ways to use them and they’re all delicious. If I could live on scalloped potatoes I would.

Song Stuck In Your Head: The Guitar Man by Bread, which mostly means I’ve been walking around my apartment making wah-waaAAHHhhaaa-wah guitar noises.

Time: 7:44 pm

Dream Trip: I have absolutely zero wanderlust. I am a terrible tourist, i just wanna stay home... I guess maybe Montreal, simply because my best friend lives there and I miss her.

Last Book You Read: It has honestly been a while since I read anything new, but I think it was Vicious by V.E. Schwab, which I quite liked. And interesting take on superpowers and the people who have them.

Last Book You Enjoyed Reading: Other thank Vicious (which i did enjoy) I reread Survivor by Chuck Palahniuk recently, which I imprinted on in highschool and still enjoy. (Currently rereading the Shining which I always enjoy)

Last Book You Hated Reading: I gave up on a book called... I don’t actually remember the name, but it was awful. Terrible case of teenage girls being written by a middle aged man and I just couldn’t take it. I just checked my bookcase and I seem to have gotten rid of it. It was horror, a haunting story. I think it had ‘ghost’ in the title? I really don’t remember but it  was terrible.

Favourite Thing To Cook/Bake: I love cooking a stew (potatoes!) it’s such high reward for relatively low effort, plus yummy.

Favourite Craft To Do In Your Free Time: The only crafts I do these days are with my niece so it’s mostly like, toilet paper roll butterflies, which are pretty fun ngl.

Most Niche Dislike: The smell of cut grass. Hate it.

Opinion On Circus(es): My older sister did trampoline and acrobatics in her teens so Cirque du Soleil was a big deal in our house, been to see it live a bunch of times, and I enjoyed it.

Do You Have A Sense Of Direction: Yeah, a pretty good one. I don’t know like, which way is north, but if I wander around an unfamiliar city for a day I can pretty successfully find my way back to the hotel or whatever.

Tagging: @grabmyboner @ghostlynimbus @emeraldwitches @ariesbilly @hephaestn as ever, no pressure, but also @ anyone who wants to!

[snoppy]

hi, that alien tea thing you wrote was absolutely beautiful. i loved it in its entirety. are there any authors/writers in particular that you like? any books/articles? I'm sorry I'm swamping you with questions but I'm trying to get back into writing. do you try to write on a daily basis to get better?

Hiiii x

I'm so glad!!! no need to be sorry its flattering <3 honestly i only got back into reading in like the last year, same for writing. some writers that come to mind are michelle zauner, mary oliver, yann martel, chuck palahniuk, louisa may alcott (had to plumb my memory for childhood books + stuff i read now lmao). some books i like are life of pi, most roald dahl and enid blyton series (roald is especially fun to read when there's a lot on your mind), picture us in the light by kelly loy gilbert, crying in h mart etc etc. very few books i can say are faves yet.

with writing i think its best to chill. i didn't write for years and it bothered me, but now that things are a little less stressful i write a respectable amount. writing every day is an admirable notion but i can't keep to schedules. my deal is thinking a lot in pictures and titles and phrases, and i put everything i think could be remotely poetic in my notes app. sometimes it works out sometimes it doesn't.

I'd recommend seeking out writers on any social media platform (although I've noticed i like tumblr poetry more than ig, but i suspect that's just because ig is really sanitized and shortened for algorithmic purposes. makes it hard to enjoy a poem) and kind of thinking about why you enjoy a certain person's poetry. try those traits out when writing yourself. think repetition is neat? go for it! think writing in a rhyme scheme is for you? try it out. try different formats, like diary entries or letters. any place people write stuff is game, like comment sections or wikipedia articles (collage poetry is also fun, speaking of wikipedia user headspace-hotel writes great poetry putting together fragments of wiki pages).

cliche advice but try and read more. observe everything. titles often come to me before the poem so phrases in books, song lyrics, something someone says, all very helpful. different for everyone but lately I've been trying my hand at every writing opportunity i get (i submit to several places on ig, i post stuff here, I'm in reading and writing servers, attend workshops etc) and kind of throwing everything together is nice. peer review is helpful.

above all, don't stress yourself out. writing is like coaxing an animal to go to the vet. it can be really easy or really hard! take as much time as you need, do things you like, relax. don't try if ur already stressed or busy, I'm generally dissatisfied with what i write then. good luck and godspeed🧡🧡

[gchoate17]

I set a personal record this year and read 33 books, all of them for the first time with the exception of Tim O’Brien’s THE THINGS THEY CARRIED, which would be in the top 10, but I excluded it because I’d already included it in a previous year’s top 10. That being the case, here were my favorite 10 of 2020:

1. Hourglass by Dani Shapiro (2017)

Perfect pacing, honest and forthcoming. I finished this one and had the feeling I'd found my new favorite writer. I'm looking forward to reading her other works, but also, I'm looking forward to reading this one again -- I rarely want to reread a book. Also, she read the audio book herself and does a fantastic job. She felt like an old friend by the time I'd finished the book. 

2. Calypso by David Sedaris (2018)

Sedaris is one of the best storytellers alive. He may be an asshole, but he’s a good storyteller. I enjoyed listening to him process some things in his life that required him to go beyond the surface of his feelings in this book. 

3. Devotion by Dani Shapiro (2010)

I have no special interest in Judaism and I’ve never practiced yoga — two of this book’s primary subjects — but I’m discovering I have a deep appreciation for Shapiro’s specific brand of mining memories, her commitment to turning over all the stones in her life, her deep concern for the things she loves. A lot of writers can accomplish those tasks, but her even pace makes her work especially endearing. I’ve only read two other authors’ books back to back: When I discovered David Sedaris’s NAKED and ME TALK PRETTY ONE DAY in college, and when I followed up Stephen King’s ON WRITING with MISERY. Now, with Shapiro, I followed HOURGLASS with DEVOTION, and I don’t know that I’ve ever been as excited to start reading a book as I am right now with INHERITANCE. 

4. Inheritance by Dani Shapiro (2019)

In HOURGLASS and DEVOTION, Shapiro’s voice is confident about her place in the world, even though she says otherwise. Her Jewishness that she struggles with in DEVOTION is something she’s always struggled with and so she’s comfortable with that. In HOURGLASS, she knows she’s so far beyond Jacob’s medical scare that she’s at least somewhat comfortable discussing it, and Michael is a sturdy partner and so she can explore the relationship safely. But in INHERITANCE, it feels like we’re getting real-time life turbulence. I appreciate the quest element such a setup provides, but I also miss Shapiro’s confidence. I’m saying all this so I don’t gush too much in three consecutive reviews for the same author, but the fact remains, this is a wonderful book, and I immediately began listening to her podcast. If someone asks me who my favorite writer is, I’d have a hard time not saying Dani Shapiro at this point.

5. How Fires End by Marco Rafala (2019)

I love a multi-generational family story and this one was done especially well. I enjoyed having multiple narrators to provide multiple points of view on the single family narrative that showed itself throughout the course of the novel. Rarely does a book continue to gain speed all the way to the end, but I found that this one did. This felt like one of those debut books a writer has always known he will write because it draws on so much of his life up to that point. I'm curious what his next one will look like, but whatever the subject, I'm going to pick it up. Highly recommend this book that has some mass literary appeal. 

6. Heavy by Kiese Laymon (2018)

Laymon is candid about his experiences with sexual abuse, physical abuse, and his addiction to food. But this is not a book about those things as much as it is simply about a kid growing up black in Jackson, Mississippi. And it’s delivered honestly, eloquently, and wonderfully. 

7. Heirlooms by Rachel Hall (2016)

This collection of (tightly) linked stories beautifully illustrates how families metabolize trauma over time, from one generation to the next. And it's a reminder of how we never know the backgrounds from which people have come. 8. Becoming by Michelle Obama (2018)

Slow start, but once Barack comes onto the scene and this becomes -- in a way -- their love story, things picked up drastically. Michelle has always struck me as reluctant to be involved in politics, and that allows her to be sincere in a way that is incredibly rare. I miss them. 

9. Choke by Chuck Palahniuk (2001)

** spoiler alert ** I don’t regret seeing the movie before reading the book (though it has been a decade since I saw it), but I couldn’t not see Sam Rockwell as Victor. I don’t think that hurt anything. Maybe it’s the nature of my own shame — I got caught listening to the audio book at full volume by semi-acquaintances multiple times — but some of the sexual descriptions felt gratuitous, even when writing about a sex addict. By the end of the book, though, everything hits perfectly. Everything served its intended purpose. Strongest, most brilliant moment for me was Dr. Marshall’s reveal. 

10. One Summer by Bill Bryson (2013)

During the two and a half months I casually read this, my wife grew tired of me saying, "Did you know that in 1927..." A fascinating portrait of the United States at a fascinating time.

Biggest Disappointment: 31. The Elephant Vanishes by Haruki Murakami (1993)

First time reading Murakami and I'm not sure what I'm missing. The NYT blurb on the book is "Charming, humorous and frequently puzzling." I think my disconnect is that I don't want to be left puzzled.

Previous Book Lists: 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011.

[alywats]

January 2021 Reading Wrap-Up

Here are all the books I read in January, a month of getting back into my routine after the holiday break and trying to make time for reading. Reading is my favorite hobby, but it is really hard to make time and space for it when I use all my focus and strain my eyes at the computer during the working hours of the day. So audiobooks have really been my saving grace this month. I only read a few of these books with my eyes, and the rest of them were listened to while I was cooking or driving or doing my laundry or taking a walk around the lake, and that is something that has been really valuable to me. Even though I only had “time” to sit down and read three or four books this month, I was able to read 12 with the help of audiobooks! Woohoo! Now on to my reviews for these books!

1. The Big Sleep  -Raymond Chandler (231 pgs) 3

A classic "hard-boiled detective" novel which I enjoyed because of its significance in the genre. What I did not enjoy was the homophobia which, it being a product of its time, was extreme and hard to read through. First book of 2021 and we are not off to a great start!

2. Get A Life, Chloe Brown -Talia Hibbert (373pgs) 3.5

Mostly cute. There were like two or three things that made me suuuuuuper annoyed but I think they are more my issues than the book's, so I'll let it slide. Probably won't continue this series!

3. The Year of Less -Cait Flanders (189 pgs) 1.5

Okay this is the whiniest book ever, and I don't say that lightly. Ugh, I just wanted to read more about simple living and this book was 200 pages of complaining, Flanders not really consuming less, and no actual info about simple living or being a sustainable consumer.

4. The Invention of Sound -Chuck Palahniuk (240 pgs) 3

The first half was so good... and then I got kinda lost. At this point the real question is how many Palahniuk books will I read and think are mediocre before I finally read Fight Club...

5. Writers & Lovers -Lily King (320 pgs) 4

This book is really good for a lot of writer-y things and a lot of lover-y things. But my fav part? When there is a math band in the cafeteria called "The Cosines".

6. Wild -Cheryl Strayed (315 pgs) 4

I loved A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson, so it's no surprise that I was into this book too. It is a bit cliche to be inspired by this book, but it's cliche for a reason, this journey is inspiring, the personal growth and discovery is inspiring. I also just loved the descriptions of Ashland, Crater Lake, Mt. Hood, and the Columbia from Strayed's perspective. These are places and landmarks that I have grown up with, and to be reminded of how special Oregon is was definitely something I enjoyed.

7. Brave New World -Aldous Huxley (288 pgs) 3

Honestly, I don’t have a lot to say about this. There were some things that worked and some things that were not great, but mostly I was indifferent. I could not find any investment in this story or the characters, but I also didn’t ~hate~ what I was reading, so it was really a neutral reading experience for me.

8. The Man Who Loved Only Numbers -Paul Hoffman (303 pgs) 3.5

This was a biography of Erdős, notorious Hungarian mathematician, as well as a general history of some of his contemporaries and their mathematical highlights. Overall I found this book to be engaging, well-researched, and at the right level of detail, but what made this one hard for me was my immediate and intense dislike of Erdős. As a baby mathematician, I have been told that Erdős was an amazing and prolific mathematician who changed the course of mathematics, and we (mathematicians) should be aspiring to be like him. And he *was* amazing and prolific as a mathematician, but outside of mathematics, Erdős was annoying and demanding and full of entitlement, something that surprised me. The reason this bothered me, if I’m being honest, is that I feel this attitude of superiority in the mathematics community way too much. You are not of superior intelligence if you do math, you should not forget to be a well-adjusted human because you are too focused on math, and this should not be what mathematicians are striving for (I think many mathematicians would disagree with me, and that is my point). Erdős’s attitude and ethos were unhealthy at best, as they are for many ‘great’ mathematicians, and it’s hard for me to get behind the romanticized nature of “The Man Who Loved Only Numbers”, as if abandoning all other parts of life is the best/truest way to be a mathematician. It’s hard for me to care about Erdős numbers (think 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon but for math) when the idea of mathematical name-dropping is just another way to feel superior, and I leave this book feeling disconnected by the communal obsession with Erdős among mathematicians.

9. The Shining -Stephen King (659 pgs) 5

I don't think it's revolutionary to say that this is King's best work, but in case you need me to tell you, The Shining is probably Stephen King's best work. Jack Torrance freaks me out like no other, the Overlook hotel is written in such a unique and ~creepy~ way, and the supernatural elements are woven in with character study and plot development in a way that makes them feel entirely real but not the central motivation for the story.

I think a problem with a lot of sci-fi/fantasy tropes like mind-reading is that 1. it is the *only* plot device the author uses to continue the narrative so it completely overshadows characterization and the plot arc, or 2. it isn't fleshed out enough so the reader doesn't get to feel totally immersed in or believe in the supernatural world that the story is taking place in.

The Shining is the balance of these two issues, King writes the characters and the plot in a way that is simply enhanced by the supernatural elements, and he writes the supernatural elements in a way that is enhanced by Danny's character and his circumstances.

This was my second time reading The Shining, since the first time I read it I was in 7th grade. There were definitely things I picked up on the second time around, and I am really glad I read it again.

10. Ancillary Justice -Ann Leckie (416 pgs) 3

One thing I really appreciate about this book is that it is a woman's voice and commentary on gender in the sci-fi world, which is rare and valuable. Sci-fi space opera has been a genre ruled by the white man for a long time, and that means that the stories are often very reflective of that. So yeah, I am happy to have read a book in this space written by a woman.

My criticism is simply that I was bored through parts of it, and I think that's because it's not a plot or characters that resonated with me. And that's just my personal taste coming through.

11. The Bass Rock -Evie Wyld (368 pgs) 4

The Bass Rock is the interweaving tale through different periods of time in Scotland, and the way society controlled and abused these women. They accused smart women of being witches, then they lobotomized women with opinions, and on and on. This book is a commentary on violence, and oppression as violence against women, which makes it somewhat difficult to read, but the way the stories of the women overlap both in plot and in theme is so beautifully done.

12. Hamnet -Maggie O'Farrell (372 pgs) 5

Shakespeare, that mysterious bard, had a son named Hamnet who died. Is it a coincidence then, that his most emo play is of the same name? (Hamnet = Hamlet in 1590s England I guess). This novel mostly shoves William off-stage, focusing more on his wife Agnes and her experience being a daughter, a mother, a wife, and a mourner. It is a glimpse into life in the 1590s, where plague was ravaging the cities, and although 1590s life often feels very different to our 2021 life, there are a few striking similarities to be found here: grief, lockdown, the closing of theaters. This was beautifully written, and in the spirit of being dramatic, I'll say the ending took my breath away.

And I'll end with this thought: Shakespeare wrote during a time where the Black Death could not be ignored, he (probably) lost his son to it, but the plague is at most an undertone in his body of work. Instead he wrote about corruption, the failure of rulers, deception, grief, and the lust for power. Take a look into 2020s USA, and I think you'll find that Shakespeare just got a little bit more relatable.

[aboysbestfriendishismum]

1) first I thought WUTMIO is some new high-tech stuff like Arduino... 2) I want to read all your previous writings!!! 3)📚📋🖊📌 please 😂

1)  😂 😂 😂 

2) so you have to learn Italian because I’ll never translate those and honestly I think most of it is untranslatable

3) 

📚 What was your first story about? 

It was a short story about a guy who worked as a voice actor in science fiction b-movies and it was called Bastian the Martian  👽 😂

📋What are your favourite and least favourite tropes?

I don’t think tropes are bad or good in themselves, it always depends on how you write them. Anyway, I don’t really like: the Geek girl losing her glasses and instantly becoming hot and getting an outgoing personality; the Damsel in distress saved by a guy she then falls in love with; the funny Fat friend who has the only purpose of being the comedian of the story. I enjoy: Enemies to lovers, Friends to lovers, the Time travel thing (not in WUTMIO unfortunately  😂), funny and kind character with an Obscure Past and secrets.

📌What three authors/books have most influenced your writing?

Mentioning any actual writer would be an insult to them because my writing is shit and isn’t influenced by anything but my stupid mind. I can name three of my all time favourite authors though: John Fante, Jane Austen, Chuck Palahniuk.

Thank you!

[quarterfromcanon]

1-4. For the asks

Thank you so much for sending these! <3 

Once I started to answer them, I realized there were comparatively few recent television shows appearing on the list. I seemed to keep gravitating toward older ones I remembered from years ago. I took a handful of days to mull it over in case I was forgetting something, but nothing else comes to mind. Maybe my ongoing list of Shows to Watch During Quarantine will turn up some fresh results but, for now, it looks like I’ll be taking a little trip down memory lane. :) 

This turned out to be a pretty long and rambly post, so I’ll stow it under the cut!

Top 5 TV Shows 

1. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend - I can’t imagine this surprises anyone who has been following this blog for the past two years or so. It brought fellow fans into my life, got me back into writing fic, and prompted countless tags of meta. It’s the show my mind drifts to on a weekly basis (if not daily) even a full year after the finale. Just when it seemed I’d reached an age where that level of intense fandom involvement and character attachment might be fading, it proved that quite the opposite was true. I’m very thankful to the series for that, and for the people whose paths have crossed mine as a result.   

2. Schitt’s Creek - This is my #1 Feel Good show and, though I’ve been dodging spoilers for the final season until it gets uploaded to Netflix, I get the impression that it will remain in that top spot. The world feels softer and more hopeful there. It’s healing for my soul. I’m going to have a dreadfully difficult time saying goodbye, but I’m glad there are six season to revisit whenever I want. 

3. Stranger Things - The theme song alone sends such a rush of excitement through me. I love the aesthetic and the atmosphere. I sometimes have mixed feelings about the romances but the FRIENDSHIPS sure do have a direct line to my heartstrings. I think the way they’ve combined media influences into their own story is really neat. You get something that’s new and engaging, but you can also go back and enjoy the sources of inspiration with fresh appreciation. 

4. Joan of Arcadia - I can’t help it. The snark, the jackets, the early 2000s songs, the performances -- the nostalgia for this show is so strong. It’s not without its problems, but it did have some really good things to offer as well. I remember an episode that was one of my earliest introductions to the concept of a trigger, and the effect it could have on a person if exposed to one of theirs. The series dealt a lot with grief and the many forms it can take (I STILL can’t hear Fiona Apple’s cover of “Across the Universe” without getting misty-eyed). I’m also surprised, looking back, at the somewhat positive way I recall them discussing homosexuality on the several occasions that it came up in the show. Not to give too much credit since I don’t think there were recurring canonically LGBTQIA+ characters but, for a kid who spent most days around closed-minded people of a certain religious leaning, it was meaningful along my individual journey. I’d like to provide the several examples that are most vivid in my memory:

A. A girl with short hair, short nails, little to no makeup, and a bulky leather jacket is generally assumed to be a lesbian by the bullies at school. The show directly confronts the fact that “gay” should not be used an insult, that identity should not be assumed without the person telling you so, AND makes sure that the character in question never pushes back by saying harmful things about lesbians despite not actually being one herself. 

B. A boy who is questioning is able to confide in his big brother and have a fairly calm conversation about it; the awkwardness mostly comes from neither of them being accustomed to openly discussing emotions, not from the possibility of a negative response regarding the subject matter. 

C. Another character is accidentally discovered to be gay (he only appears in the one episode, if my memory serves), and some of the leads have the opportunity to share that for personal gain. However, even though he is a popular jock who is a bit of a jerk in the hallways, the show makes it clear that the right choice is still to leave the telling of that information up to him and him alone. 

Like I mentioned, it can’t be said that representation was in abundance here - for instance, I don’t believe anything other than straight or gay was presented as a possibility - but any accepting acknowledgement in a faith-centric series was something for me to hold on to in my still-deeply-closeted days. As a final Very Important personal side note, this show brought Judith Montgomery into my life (pictured below on the left), and that feels like it merits a shoutout for being what I consider a rather significant marker in my awakening. 

THE OVERWHELMING CRUSH I HAD - and still have - is one for the books. 

5. Pushing Daisies - This is another show with an aesthetic I adore. The series has such a fun, whimsical energy. The crime-solving! The clothes! The cast! There's a lot to love. It’s the kind of world I wish I could visit... well, minus the evidently rampant murder rate. 

Top 5 Overrated TV Shows

1. Once Upon A Time - *deep sigh* I tried to stick with it for so long. I think I’ve seen five out of the seven seasons in their entirety. It just felt like everything got mired down by excessive (and increasingly convoluted) subplots, often for the purpose of tossing in as many fairytale and/or Disney characters as possible. Plus, quite honestly, there was too much emphasis on romantic love. For a show whose first season involved a curse being broken by [potential spoiler, I suppose] a mother kissing her son’s forehead, I ultimately found myself up to my ears in romantic ships. It reached such a stifling extent that, if you were not particularly attached to those pairings, there wasn’t a whole lot else to entice further viewing. 

2. Under the Dome - I don’t know for certain what the general public opinion of this series was, but it felt like the commercials always featured alleged rave reviews, so I figured I could include it here. I was vaguely interested in Season 1, mainly as a fan of Rachelle Lefevre’s work. Season 2 pulled me in with the introduction of a new townsperson and I threw WAY too much of my heart into that attachment, which backfired when that character was killed. I made quite the spectacle of my heartbreak, so much so that my family doesn’t let me mention this show around them anymore. :P Season 3 was, to phrase it delicately, not a great time. The series did introduce me to a few new-to-me actors, though, so that was cool. 

3. Bates Motel - Even the incentive of learning that the two characters I liked most share a lot of screen time later in the series hasn’t been enough to call me back to this one. I don’t know if it was the pacing that put me off or what, but the prospect of finishing the remaining seasons feels so daunting. There are evidently five seasons in total and I believe I’ve only seen two of them thus far. I will probably muddle through it someday just to see how it goes, but the fact that I am so disinclined to prioritize it made this feel like a fair addition to the list. 

4. Lost - My interest in this series unfortunately waned right before fervent fandom spiked. I don’t have any specific complaints that come to mind about what I saw; I just sort of drifted and then stayed away. Teachers I liked and peers I spent time with were starting to latch on to the show and I couldn’t find even the slightest inclination to give it a second try. However, did I still dutifully read all the latest installments in my friend’s Sawyer Ford and Kate Austen fanfiction when she passed me handwritten copies at lunch? Sure. I was glad it made her happy, even if I was no longer a viewer. 

5. Hemlock Grove - I say this as someone who still mourns the fates of some characters in this show, so I wouldn’t go so far as to claim that the series stopped being able to make me feel anything. I’m just of the opinion that, in some ways, it might’ve been better off stopping at one season. That’s where the book it was based on ends, and things just didn’t feel as cohesive after that. Season 3 especially was - borrowing from my above review of Under the Dome - not a great time. That being said, there are also certain elements from the book that I could’ve done without in the Season 1 adaptation but... well... here we are. 

Top 5 Underrated TV Shows

1. Picnic at Hanging Rock - Another one that won’t surprise followers of this blog. I have rhapsodized about it quite frequently since I found it a little over a month ago. It’s a period piece mystery miniseries with LGBTQIA+ representation, gorgeous costumes, and Samara Weaving. This felt specifically designed to wedge its way into my heart, and I’m quite content with the space it now occupies.

2. Dark - I’m so intrigued by the overlapping timelines with all of the morally gray characters. It’s possible to like one of these people in the timeline where they’re young but dislike them as adults, or vice versa. It also makes me think of Rant by Chuck Palahniuk a little tiny bit with the idea that time travel, specifically tampering with your own timeline, might make you physically and behaviorally unrecognizable to yourself. And the SONG CHOICES! I have gotten some solid new music selections from this series. 

3. Sense8 - I still need to watch the finale. I really do. But I knew it would make me sad so I’ve avoided it for... two years now? Pretty close, I think. The concept is fascinating and the cast is so strong. Plus the cinematography! They came up with some of the coolest ways to depict the link these characters share and what it’s like when they connect over distance. The planning and careful editing it all must’ve taken... I remain in awe. 

4. Penny Dreadful - There were definitely some story/writing choices I didn’t particularly like along the way, but I did get engrossed in the creepy goodness and the performances -- Eva Green’s Vanessa Ives most of all. It left me wishing for more period piece “monster mash” stories, because having all those classic characters in one place was a blast. It also helped me understand why Helen McCrory was once slated to play Bellatrix Lestrange because she can be terrifying. Oh and Sarah Greene in her Wild West outfits? Perdita Weeks with short red hair in fencing garb, and later in all leather with boots and a long jacket? I WAS NOT PREPARED AND I HAVE STILL NOT RECOVERED. I NEVER WILL.

5. Wonderfalls - There’s some cringe-inducing handling of certain representation in the series, but I have such a weak spot for quippy outcasts who become reluctant chosen ones (Joan Girardi in Joan of Arcadia, Wynonna Earp, Jaye Tyler in this series, et cetera). I also really love the sibling dynamics here. They bicker, tease one another, help each other out of trouble, and have rare but genuine heart-to-hearts. Caroline, Lee, and Katie all did such a great job blending their characters’ adult personalities with certain childhood attributes that rise to the surface in the presence of family.  

Top 5 Movies

1. Addams Family Values - I’ve rewatched this movie at least once annually since I found it in Media Play at age 13. Usually, I’ll play it around Halloween or, at the latest, Thanksgiving. It’s mouth-along-with-every-line level ingrained in my memory. I find myself leaning forward in my seat before favorite parts because I’m still that excited to relive them. Why this movie, and why this devotion to such a degree? It’s hard to explain, even to myself. I can tell you, however, that I hold up every other portrayal of the Addams characters to the versions found in this. Everybody in the cast just feels that perfect for their part. 

2. Clue - I was already pretty fond of this movie to begin with, but then my sister got older and claimed it as a favorite of her own, so now she just supplies me with further excuses to watch it repeatedly. It’s also been a bonding piece of media with a couple of close friends and such through the years. It’s incredible to think not everyone in it was the first choice for their roles; what everybody brings to the table is so top-notch that I wouldn’t have it any other way. I also LOVE knowing that it originally went to theaters with different endings depending on which showing you attended. I gather people weren’t terribly thrilled with the stunt back then, but I kinda think some moviegoers would be into that approach these days? Then again, one hit that tried something different tends to start a fad, so maybe I’d end up regretting the suggestion after a while. :P

3. The Craft - This. Movie. Yes, Act III is a major bummer even though I know it’s coming, and I’ll always wish it ended differently. Even so. This. Movie. I tend to headcanon mostly for shows and sometimes books, but The Craft is a beloved exception. I love so much about it: the magic, the music, the clothes, the settings, the dynamics within the friend group, the performances. I had no idea when I first got the DVD at 17 that it would become such a part of my life, but I’m so glad it found its way to me. 

4. Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion - The soundtrack is a glorious ’80s and ’90s treat for my ears. The colorful costumes are perfectly suited to the main characters’ version of the world. There are so many great lines and it feels like everyone is having a lot of fun in their roles. I LOVE HEATHER MOONEY SO MUCH. She’s my awful, scathingly sarcastic, little grungy grump and she fills my heart with joy. 

5. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King - I was pretty sure at least one of the three had to appear on here. I think, if I were to tally them all up, The Return of the King features most of my favorite moments, so it wins the spot. “I can’t carry it for you, but I can carry you!”, ‘Edge of Night,’ Éowyn in battle, The Army of the Dead, ‘Into the West’... I end up crying during the end credits every time. So, yeah, ultimately, I would choose the third part of the trilogy if I could only watch one. 

Phew, that’s it! All the questions answered, all the shows and movies listed! Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read it all, and thanks again to @monaiargancoconutsoy for sending in the prompts! <3

[dear-mrs-otome]

About Me Tag

Thanks @otonymous dear, for the tag!

the rules are:

1. Tag the person who tagged you

2. Answer the questions.

3. Tag 10 people

•How tall are you?

5′4″

•What color and style is your hair?

Currently giving it a rest from a few years of bleach and fantasy tones (usually purple or blue) so it’s a nice boring auburn, and I keep it mid-chest length!

•What color are your eyes?

Mostly green, with a bit of blue!

•Do you wear glasses?

When I read, or my eyes are tired.

•Do you wear braces?

No, that was years ago, but I do have the dubious honor of a permanent retainer glued behind my teeth. Hey...it beats wearing one to keep the teeth straight I guess?

•What’s your fashion sense?

I guess kind of boho? I like flowy things, patterns and prints mixed with solids, scarves and big funky jewelry, but with some restraint. Still gotta look classy - not like you just rolled out of a Woodstock documentary. I love shopping vintage stores, and I can forgo makeup in a pinch as long as I have my accessories on!

•Full name?

What more do you need than Mrs. O??

•When were you born?

It’s no secret I’m old AF. Let’s put it this way - I graduated high school in the prior century. I remember life before the internet, or cellphones, or CDs.

•Where are you from and where do you live now?

Born and raised and still a West Coast girl.

•What school do you go to?

That is safely in the rear-view.

•What kind of student are you?

I enjoyed school, and was always good at it, though I tended to procrastinate and finish things in horrible cram sessions last minute. Whoops.

•Do you like school?

I did! I still love discovering stuff, and try to challenge myself to learn a new skill on the regular. Never, ever stop learning.

•Favorite subject?

Literature, Creative Writing, Biology

•Favorite TV show?

I don’t really watch TV. At all. I guess just by dint of being the last show I have seen every episode of, I’d say Stranger Things?? Maybe Black Mirror too.

•Favorite Movie?

How can you pick just one?

High Fidelity. The Breakfast Club. You’ve Got Mail. Beauty and the Beast. Pride and Prejudice. Empire of the Sun. The Sound of Music. All the Thor movies. Star Wars. Blade Runner. 

•Favorite books?

Beauty by Robin McKinley is the only book I re-read twice a year, closely followed by The Blue Sword. And most anything else by McKinley.

It’s Problematic, but Heart-Beast by Tanith Lee is one I also re-read, and I will never let my out-of-print copy slip from my clutches. Dark and beautiful gothic horror about my favorite monsters.

A Visit From the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan.

Anything by Ian McEwan is a must-read. Courtney Milan is my go-to for romance novels. Chuck Palahniuk. Neil Gaiman. Jane Austen. Ilona Andrews for my urban fantasy fixes. A Court of Thorns and Roses series by Sarah J. Maas for giving me my One True Love, Rhysand.

I’m currently working through The Tiger by John Vaillant and it’s shiver-inducing, delightfully good. 

•Favorite pastime?

Playing otome, writing, cooking! Hiking and bicycling, reading, knitting and sewing.

•Do you have any regrets?

Not particularly. I’m very much a ‘things happen because they’re meant to’ kind of person. If there were things about the past I changed, even the ugly bits, I wouldn’t be where and who I am today.

Maybe the usual - not saying the things that should have been said, to those who are now gone. Always remember that life is short.

•Dream job?

A writer. Or a chef.

•Would you ever like to be married?

Done it, second time is the charm!

•Would you like to have kids?

Too late to say no now, isn’t it? But yes, I have always looked forward to kids, and my three little bugs are my world.

•How many?

^^

•Do you like shopping?

I do! Clothes shopping is fun, but I will go absolutely nuts in a shoe store. And keep me out of the fabric or yarn or bookstores, or you won’t see me again for the rest of the day.

•What countries have you visited?

Born and raised in the US. I’ve been most parts of it, including Alaska and Hawaii, and to Puerto Rico. Mexico. Canada. France. England. Spain. 

•Scariest nightmare you have ever had?

I never remember my dreams. I can’t honestly tell you a nightmare I’ve had.

•Any enemies?

Life is too short for those. Live and let live.

•Any significant other?

Indeed. My husband is the closest thing to a real-life Shigezane you will ever meet, and he’s the light of my life.

Seriously. Get you a man that will still call you his bride, 10 years after your wedding day. <3

•Do you believe in miracles?

Not really. Good things happen to bad people, bad things happen to good people. The fall of the dice just sometimes works out better that way.

•How are you?

Grand! Loving the arrival of spring, and living for all the sunshine and flowers...and new otome routes. ;)

Tagging: @otomelin @sakura-daydream @ladyrinielbright I think lots of people have been tagged by now so if you read this and want to hop on, go for it!

[commodorecliche]

Gimme all the book recs Please :D

yaaaaaaaaaaaas okay great. i love sharing books i love.  

1. The Thief of Always - Clive BarkerGenre: Dark FantasyBig personal favorite of mine. My father read this to me when I was a kid, and it literally has stuck with me since then. Every now and then I go back and reread it just for fun. It’s a wonderfully spooky little story, accompanied by some really lovely and somewhat off-kilter illustrations. Much like Coraline, it’s a novel that is a fable for children, and a tale of terror for adults.

After a mysterious stranger promises to end his boredom with a trip to the magical Holiday House, ten-year-old Harvey learns that his fun has a high price.

2. House of Leaves - Mark Z. DanielewskiGenre: Postmodernism, horrorHands down an absolute favorite. This is a book I literally recommend to everyone. This is a book that made me viscerally uncomfortable, at times I didn’t even sleep in the same room as it. I made it sleep in the living room. There is nothing overtly terrifying about the book, but its format and its unsettlingly immersive nature will lead you down a road unlike any other. 

In 1997, Johnny Truant has stumbled upon a chest full of scrap papers that had once belonged to a man named Zampono. The papers aren’t just scraps though, they’re a chaotic but detailed transcription of a series called the Navidson Record. The Navidson Record is a series of videos made by a family who has discovered that their new house appears to change dimensions almost daily, it has hallways that shouldn’t exist, doors that should lead outside but instead lead into nothingness. Johnny attempts to re-order and reconstruct Zampono’s papers, and along the way begins to lose himself as well. 

3. The Postmortal - Drew MagaryGenre: Science Fiction, Postmodern DystopiaReally funny, really dark, and full of a surprising amount of morality and humanity in a pre-apocalyptic world. 

Imagine a near future where a cure for aging is discovered and-after much political and moral debate-made available to people worldwide. Immortality, however, comes with its own unique problems-including evil green people, government euthanasia programs, a disturbing new religious cult, and other horrors.    

4. Horrorstor - Grady HendrixGenre: Comedy, HorrorHonestly this book is just balls to the wall fun. It’s a horror novel that’s laid out like the world’s most messed up IKEA catalog. Spooky at times, ridiculous and funny, at times moving, while also offering great social commentary on consumerism and the the current status of retail workers. 

Something strange is happening at the Orsk furniture superstore in Cleveland, Ohio. Every morning, employees arrive to find broken Kjerring bookshelves, shattered Glans water goblets, and smashed Liripip wardrobes. Sales are down, security cameras reveal nothing, and store managers are panicking. To unravel the mystery, three employees volunteer to work a nine-hour dusk-till-dawn shift. In the dead of the night, they’ll patrol the empty showroom floor, investigate strange sights and sounds, and encounter horrors that defy the imagination. 

5. Rant - Chuck PalahniukGenre: Science Fiction, Horror, SatireThis is a book I read several years ago and that I still think about from time to time. I haven’t had time to sit down and reread it, but parts of it still resonate with me today. This is a very peculiar story and it is told in a rather peculiar fashion (it is an oral history, and as such is told in a very conversational way by a number of different characters with a wide variety of thoughts and opinions on the titular Rant. It’s hard to properly describe this book, but let’s just say it’s been in my reread list for a while now. 

Buster “Rant” Casey just may be the most efficient serial killer of our time. A high school rebel, Rant Casey escapes from his small town home for the big city where he becomes the leader of an urban demolition derby called Party Crashing. Rant Casey will die a spectacular highway death, after which his friends gather the testimony needed to build an oral history of his short, violent life. 

6. John Dies at the End - David WongGenre: Comedy, Horror, Dark FantasyHoly god what do I even say about this book? It is just hilariously and marvelously insane. A perfect mix of cosmic fantasy, horror, comedy, and lunacy, and I loved every minute of reading it. I still have the rest of the series lined up to read, too!

The drug is called Soy Sauce and it gives users a window into another dimension. John and I never had the chance to say no. You still do. I’m sorry to have involved you in this, I really am. But as you read about these terrible events and the very dark epoch the world is about to enter as a result, it is crucial you keep one thing in mind: None of this was my fault. 

7. Sphere - Michael CrichtonGenre: Science Fiction, Deep Sea HorrorThis is one I actually JUST finished, and I absolutely adored it. I had a couple small complaints about it, but overall, it was a wonderful read and very engrossing. Plus, I’m always a sucker for deep sea horror. 

A group of American scientists are rushed to a huge vessel that has been discovered resting on the ocean floor in the middle of the South Pacific. What they find defies their imaginations and mocks their attempts at logical explanation. It is a spaceship of phenomenal dimensions, apparently, undamaged by its fall from the sky. And, most startling, it appears to be at least three hundred years old…. 

8. I, Lucifer - Glen DuncanGenre: Religious Fantasy, Occult FictionThis book is incredibly well researched, thought out, and characterized, as well as funny and extremely thought-provoking. I’d never expected to see a story that would give me a realistic and modern look into the Devil’s side of the story. I especially never expected to see a story that would make the Devil learn what it is to be human, either. All in all just an A+, fantastical read. 

The Prince of Darkness has been given one last shot at redemption, provided he can live out a reasonably blameless life on earth. Highly sceptical, naturally, the Old Dealmaker negotiates a trial period - a summer holiday in a human body, with all the delights of the flesh. The body, however, turns out to be that of Declan Gunn, a depressed writer living in Clerkenwell, interrupted in his bath mid-suicide. Ever the opportunist, and with his main scheme bubbling in the background, Luce takes the chance to tap out a few thoughts - to straighten the biblical record, to celebrate his favourite achievements, to let us know just what it’s like being him. Neither living nor explaining turns out to be as easy as it looks. Beset by distractions, miscalculations and all the natural shocks that flesh is heir to, the Father of Lies slowly begins to learn what it’s like being us. 

9. The Wasp Factory - Iain BanksGenre: Psychological HorrorLook, I want to say this right off the bat. This book is… not for everyone. Trust me when I say this is an extremely dark book with a lot of dark content. I would say that if you have any potential triggers, you may want to message me first and I will give you a better rundown of what all this book entails. This is a true piece of horror fiction. But it’s also incredible. I ate this book up in about two days and it is one of my favorite pieces of dark fiction to date. So yeah, chat with me if you have any concerns, but if you enjoy truly dark fiction, then this is up your alley. 

Two years after I killed Blyth I murdered my young brother Paul, for quite different and more fundamental reasons than I’d disposed of Blyth, and then a year after that I did for my young cousin Esmerelda, more or less on a whim. That’s my score to date. Three. I haven’t killed anybody for years, and don’t intend to ever again. It was just a stage I was going through. 

10. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams (the whole series, trust me)Genre: Comedy, Science Fiction, Cosmic FantasyJust trust me when I say this is a series that literally everyone should read at least once in their life. They are unflabbably hilarious in a way that only Douglas Adams could be, and they are just truly unique. This series is (rightfully) a classic and shouldn’t be missed. 

Seconds before the Earth is demolished to make way for a galactic freeway, Arthur Dent is plucked off the planet by his friend Ford Prefect, a researcher for the revised edition of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy who, for the last fifteen years, has been posing as an out-of-work actor. Together this dynamic pair begin a journey through space aided by quotes from The Hitchhiker’s Guide (“A towel is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have”).

11. World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War - Max Brooks Genre: Zombie horror, Faux HistoryI beg you - do not judge this book by the very terrible movie that was made about it. It is an entirely different animal than that mess of a movie, I promise. World War Z is a masterfully crafted book that details the zombie apocalypse in ways never before done in fiction. The Battle of Yonkers scenes and the testimony of Tomonaga Ijiro still stick in my head to this day. This book is a triumph of horror, ‘history’, and humanity, all balled into a distinctly unique experience. 

The Zombie War came unthinkably close to eradicating humanity. Max Brooks, driven by the urgency of preserving the acid-etched first-hand experiences of the survivors from those apocalyptic years, traveled across the United States of America and throughout the world, from decimated cities that once teemed with upwards of thirty million souls to the most remote and inhospitable areas of the planet. He recorded the testimony of men, women, and sometimes children who came face-to-face with the living, or at least the undead, hell of that dreadful time. World War Z is the result. Never before have we had access to a document that so powerfully conveys the depth of fear and horror, and also the ineradicable spirit of resistance, that gripped human society through the plague years. 

12. The Raw Shark Texts - Steven HallGenre: Fantasy/Realism, Meta-fiction, MysteryThis is a tough one to put into words. I read this many years ago, and I remember it more as a series of emotional experiences rather than just as a singular plot. Which I think really speaks to its character as a book. This is a book that deals with dissociation, memory loss, our sense of self, how easily we can lose that sense, and our struggle to hold onto or to rediscover the world we know and the people we believe ourselves to be. This book is just… an experience, much like House of Leaves. It’s immersive, and at times quite unsettling. 

Eric Sanderson wakes up in a house he doesn’t recognize, unable to remember anything of his life. All he has left are his diary entries recalling Clio, a perfect love who died under mysterious circumstances, and a house that may contain the secrets to Eric’s prior life. But there may be more to this story, or it may be a different story altogether. With the help of allies found on the fringes of society, Eric embarks on an edge-of-your-seat journey to uncover the truth about himself and to escape the predatory forces that threaten to consume him. 

I think 12 should be good for now! I certainly have more though, if you want them!! 

Bonus, Currently Reading: The Library at Mount Char - Scott HawkinsGenre: Contemporary Fantasy, Horror, Dark FantasyI don’t have a whole lot to say about this yet since I’m not very far into it, but so far it’s been extremely intriguing, and Hawkins’ writing is truly beautiful. 

A missing God. A library with the secrets to the universe. A woman too busy to notice her heart slipping away. Carolyn’s not so different from the other people around her. She likes guacamole and cigarettes and steak. She knows how to use a phone. Clothes are a bit tricky, but everyone says nice things about her outfit with the Christmas sweater over the gold bicycle shorts. After all, she was a normal American herself once. That was a long time ago, of course. Before her parents died. Before she and the others were taken in by the man they called Father. 

Bonus 2, Up Next to Read: Dark Matter: A Ghost Story - Michelle PaverGenre: Horror

January 1937. Clouds of war are gathering over a fogbound London. Twenty-eight year old Jack is poor, lonely, and desperate to change his life, so when he’s offered the chance to join an Arctic expedition, he jumps at it. Spirits are high as the ship leaves Norway: five men and eight huskies, crossing the Barents Sea by the light of the midnight sun. At last they reach the remote, uninhabited bay where they will camp for the next year, Gruhuken, but the Arctic summer is brief. As night returns to claim the land, Jack feels a creeping unease. One by one, his companions are forced to leave. He faces a stark choice: stay or go. Soon he will see the last of the sun, as the polar night engulfs the camp in months of darkness. Soon he will reach the point of no return–when the sea will freeze, making escape impossible. Gruhuken is not uninhabited. Jack is not alone. Something walks there in the dark… 

(also if any of y’all have read these, i’d love to hear YOUR thoughts on them too)

[queerical]

you seem like the type who has read probably a few books - do you have any recommendations (for a person who primarily have read and enjoys stuff like harry potter and percy jackson) ?? :))

i have indeed read a few books. some might even say “more than a few”. so here are some recommendations

NOVELS AND SUCH

1Q84 by Haruki Murakami (very long–took me like six weeks–but quite fascinating. i will warn that there’s a sex scene between a 30 yr old man and a 16yr old girl but she’s not really a 16 yr old girl so ymmv)

All Out compiled by Saundra Mitchell (haven’t read yet but i’ve heard nothing but good things, queer re-tellings)

Amberlough by Lara Elena Donnelly (sad but damn good, part of a trilogy but i haven’t read the sequel yet. also queer)

American Gods and Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman (personally preferred Anansi Boys but American Gods is still worth reading imo)

And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie (not magic but still riveting, think i read this in like three days)

Ash by Malinda Lo (queer re-telling of the Cinderella fairy tale)

The Bazaar of Bad Dreams by Stephen King (i have a love/hate relationship with King but his short stories are generally decent)

The Best American Science Fiction and Fantasy, 2016 compiled by Karen Joy Fowler (i cannot recommend this anthology enough honestly, unexpectedly good considering i bought it at an airport kiosk)

Binti Trilogy by Nnedi Okorafor (not much to say considering its Nnedi Okorafor but basically just a really creative wonderful sci fi story in three novellas)

The Dark Wife by Sarah Diemer (queer re-telling of the Persephone myth)

Fragile Things by Neil Gaiman (my favorite anthology of his)

Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett, r.i.p. (nuff said)

House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski (the most genuinely terrifying book i’ve ever read, a challenging read but worth it. do not read at night)

The House of the Scorpion by Nancy Farmer (sci fi involving clones and the drug trade with a lot of good twists)

Huntress by Malinda Lo (sort of a prequel to Ash, great queer SFF)

I Am the Messenger by Markus Zusak (not fantasy but i still have to recommend it. you’ve probably heard of The Book Thief, this is by that guy)

The Kiesha’ra Series by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes (obscene use of epithets and some racist worldbuilding but a damn fun read nonetheless, i will warn that the quality decreases after the first book but i still recommend it)

Life of Pi by Yann Martel (read in school if you can believe, really changed my views on religion and also zoos)

Love in the Time of Global Warming by Francesca Lia Block (apocalyptic take on the Odysseus myth, shifts between “stunningly beautiful” and “i wrote better than this in the second grade” but still worth reading, queer af also)

The Princess Bride by William Goldman (really adds a new layer of understanding to the movie, goldman’s interjections get a little tiresome but you can skip them)

Rant by Chuck Palahniuk (another book i read very quickly because i just couldn’t put it down, also relevant considering the new rabies fad)

Red as Blood and White as Bone by Theodora Goss (a gorgeous, haunting fairy tale)

Six of Crows Duology by Leigh Bardugo (a couple of my favorite books ever written honestly, can be read without reading the original triology)

Skeleton Crew by Stephen King (some really good, chilling stories)

Slade House by David Mitchell (another great horror novel, seriously there’s nothing about this story i don’t like)

Smoke and Mirrors by Neil Gaiman (another good anthology altho not quite as good as Fragile Things imo)

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller (a re-telling of the Achilles myth, you will cry but it is really beautiful, also queer)

Stone Mattress by Margaret Atwood (until i found this book i honestly thought Atwood only wrote poetry lol i was pleasantly surprised)

A Taste of Honey by Kai Ashante Wilson (if you only ever read one book for the rest of your life, make it this one. Wilson is a master of fantasy and also its queer)

Unnatural Creatures compiled by Neil Gaiman (like all manner of fantastical creatures? this is the anthology for you)

Welcome to Night Vale by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor (lives up to the hype honestly)

COMICS

Artifice by Alex Wooflson (queer robot romance, also i believe this is still available to read free online)

Marvel’s Angela [x, x, x, and x] (beautiful art, good story, and queer)

Constantine: The Hellblazer [x, x] (actually got me interested in constantine)

Loki: Agent of Asgard [x, x, x] (my fav version of loki honestly, also canon genderfluid and ace characters)

Lumberjanes (everything you wanted girl scouts to be, also queer)

Monstress (beautiful art, tragic characters, and haunting monsters)

Ms. Marvel (just a really good story with a super relateable character)

Paper Girls (i still dont really understand what the story is but it’s enjoyable nevertheless)

Rat Queens (a DnD setting with an all lady adventuring team)

Runaways (sort of a different take on the teenage superhero trope)

Saga (you’ve never seen an SFF story like this before)

The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl (make sure you read the notes at the bottom of each page, i missed them my first read-through)

X-Men (for all your ‘female superhero team’ needs)

Young Avengers (my first foray into comics, my babies; i dont recommend reading the Gillen run)

MANGA/GRAPHIC NOVELS

From Far Away by Kyoko Hikawa (beautiful fanasty world with a great female protagonist and super hot male love interest and exploration of important themes)

Fruits Basket by Natsuki Takaya (you will cry but it is good. seriously tho there is some p intense child abuse so like tread with caution. its beautiful tho)

The Hero by David Rubin (a beautiful tragic take on the Heracles myth)

Mushi shi by Yuki Urushibara (a softly tragic fantasy, and the anime is absolutely stunning)

Natsume’s Book of Friends by Yuki Midorikawa (you will cry but it does some great stuff with friendships)

Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind by Hayao Miyazaki (i mean it’s Miyazaki so what more do i need to say)

Nimona by Noelle Stevenson (cannot recommend enough, seriously a must read)

Olympos by Aki (beautiful re-telling of Apollo and Ganymede)

Sailor Moon by Neoko Takeuchi (like obviously tho right)

Through the Woods by Emily Carroll (stunningly illustrated tales of horror)

Uzumaki by Junji Ito (one of my favorite horror stories of all time, genuinely creepy)

The Wendy Project by Melissa Jane Osborne (re-telling of Peter Pan)

POETRY

The Anatomy of Being by Shinji Moon (poems that make you tremble)

Crush and War of the Foxes by Richard Siken (heart changing)

Duino Elegies by Rainer Maria Rilke (vaguely religious but powerful)

Faithful and Virtuous Night by Louise Gluck (galactic and touching)

Transformations by Anne Sexton (cool poetic twists on classic fairy tales)

Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein (a true classic)

this was a super fun ask, so thanks for sending it! let me know if you do read any of these and how you liked them

[baconlettucetomatoeggs]

to create another self

ante script: there are two posts which i wanna make before making this that i forgot to do. one of them was this. thank god i remembered you while buying sotanghon (glass noodles! TIL)

with that, enjoy!

Her long hair pulled away from her face, braided and falling down her back, Mother Nature says, “Of course, I failed. Not just the drug test—I failed everything.” Not just as a nun, but throughout most of her life . . . She shrugs, her freckled shoulders under the tie-dyed straps, “So here I am.” The constellations shifting and crawling across her face, Mother Nature says, “I still needed someplace to hide.”

-"Under Cover". "Haunted" by Chuck Palahniuk

i dunno 'bout y'all but when i get older, i cant make any more selves. like what does it mean to create a new account?

for us who were under the grasps of Dummy World (you know, those facebook trend where you make dummy accounts just to get fucked on, psychosocially or even physically, if you're into that. there's a lot of romanticism and cringe-tastic wattpad stories though. that's because they're honest to themselves. looking back, i feel pity), escapism is as natural as breathing. you just heretofore and go on to your new life. everyday is a new day to live. this is why it's so special and very important for us to be at least grounded with our own selves. revealing out your RA (real account) to your close confidants doesnt mean succumbing to deadnames, but rather quitting and giving up transcendence and be together in something more sold (but not stalking enough. opsec always.) and idk, it's not a good memory? my peeps seen just gruesome tales from the other side of the screens. the thoughts we post are brutal as hell, not for the faint hearted. mixed with romanticisation of la chiuy* doesnt really do as much, aint it?

to create another account is to give up your identity. i forget who you are, and you forget about me. it means to actually disconnect. to fade.

and that's how it felt to me what creating new accounts were: the preparation of this new self, is not for anyone. there's a certain kind of genius to prepare such things. or y'know, do opsec :p

--------------------------------------

carmen hermosillo talks on her pandora's vox essay about the commodification of identity. where all of our interaction into commodification. back then it was just random likes and threads to the fora she was under, but now it's literal money through ads and clicks.

it is a black hole. and we're all getting lost in the spectacle.

and that spectacle, of course, is real in measurable sense: you have parasocial breakups, parasocial love, parasocial sloppy kisses, parasocial sexting, parasocial orgies, parasocial Salò, parasocial everything. even existences is parasocial. there's no true self and even illusory to have such a thing to believe to; there's nothing real on the internet, or rather the desert of the Real encompasses the cyberspace virtuality

we are all just entities left and right, to disappear any moment, and im still deadass scared with that fading away. why? because i still have the meatspace that does not clone, recreate, duplicate, format, erase my own self. what i got is what shall i got. a write-only memory. a fully BTRFS filesystem without deduplication. a flash memory without TRIM

--------------------------------------

to create another self means to exist in another plane of existence. to create another self means to be in another place, in another time. the forum's all ran down but the phpbb still works. you're still here in the thick orange haze.

to create another self means to abandon. to create another self means to spread yourself thinly so as you become homogenised in the air. to create another self means to

--------------------------------------

honestly i dont even wanna think about creating a new account. i dont wanna change myself anymore. to change yourself means defeat of your own system and needs to be broken down. existential crisis. and i dont wanna experience that anymore.

and what do we do? create. again. break down the wall. escape.

a lot of dummy world users were making those dummy accounts so as they wont be cross-referenced with their thoughts. the All-Encompassing Eye stalks everyone of us. everything's connected. to say anger, to foul-mouth, means prosecution, or even punishment.

or going back to my quote from above, to escape one's crimes.

this is why i love Raskolnikov: he wasnt punished rightly by his crime, so Nature punished him. talking about karma of the most existentialist ways. god i love his character so much. such a silly silly jester fool.

what kind of sins do you run away with?

--------------------------------------

the solace of the other self; the Cassanova. the Ascetic. the Hermit. to become one with yourself and only yourself means a lot.

the insistence of a static identity in a dynamic universe.

to discover you're trans also means you hide even at your own thoughts. you realised you're in a solitary confinement of your own body. how's that for 10+ years of lying to yourself?

to discover what kind of failure you are, and how you are in the society: to accept one is not a singular entity, but a confluence

to realise responsibility is cause and effect. to compare your tribulations to blindsight you with your own defeats the purpose.

to hate everyone that steps on the miserables, while being diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder.

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You can't explain. By now, you've run out of quarters, so you tell your folks good-by

-"Foot Work". "Haunted" by Chuck Palahniuk