#honestly george michael should be on there too if all things were fair

[quinnmorgendorffer]

I feel like if i go through 8 rounds neither madonna nor michael jackson make it i’m just like.....gonna put one of each in or do a round of just their songs each because you can’t have an 80s music poll without fucking madonna or michael jackson, i’m sorry i know mj did horrible things but i’m not going to ignore his impact on 80s music on a poll that amounts to absolutely nothing

[harry-leroy]

OK. I've got to ask--Henry VI? I think you're the first person I've met who claims those as their favorite Shakespeare. I'll admit that I've read and seen a fair bit of Shakespeare, but I'm not familiar with them at all. What's the appeal? Why do you love them? Sell them to me. ;)

Oh boy, here we go :))))) (Thank you for giving me permission to scream - I also think I’m the only person I’ve ever met who has those as their favorite Shakespeare plays). Also, as we’ve talked opera - I think these plays could make a great Wagnerian style opera cycle. 

First off, little disclaimer: I’m not a medievalist, so I can’t say that I’ve definitely got the best interpretation of the Wars of the Roses and the history that the H6 cycle covers. I know I do not - so you may read these plays and have totally different interpretations, and that’s great! This will kind of be how I came to love the plays and why they were (and still are) exciting for me to read. 

I will admit, these plays are a bit of a minefield (as my Shakespeare professor said during a lecture on the histories and I don’t think I’ll ever forget that descriptor). Some of these scenes are not as well written, and many of them are almost irrelevant to telling a tight-knit story, so things get cut. Sometimes 1H6 is just cut entirely from productions, and I might venture to say that it is probably the least performed Shakespeare play. We get lines like “O, were mine eyeballs into bullets turn’d, / That I in a rage might shoot them at your faces” (1H6.4.4.79-80), which I might say is nearly on par with “a little touch of Harry in the night” from Henry V. But despite the unevenness, there is so much from these plays that are meaningful, heartbreaking, and that continue to fascinate me. There’s so much about power and leadership that we can learn from these plays - and perhaps that’s why I took an interest in 1990s British politics because there are actually some very interesting similarities happening - but also a lot we can learn about empathy, hope, and love. 

These plays have a lot of fascinating key players - it would honestly be a privilege to play any of them - and most (if not all) of these key players have some claim to power, just in the family lines they were born into. And this conflict is one that’s been building up since Richard II. With the Wars of the Roses we have a man who is unwilling, and sometimes unable to lead because of various circumstances, some of which having to do with his mental health, which was generally poor, and some of which have to do with the various times he was dethroned, captured, etc. - and I say unable for lack of a better word. Essentially, politics in these plays are caving in, and at a very rapid pace. There’s a hole at the center of government and people are ambitious to fill it. We also have a lot of people who could potentially fill that role, people who on principle, have a lot of political enemies. The nobles in these plays are having to assure that they themselves are in power or that their ally is in power, otherwise it is their livelihood at stake. 

We have Henry VI, who was made king at nine months old after the untimely death of his father, the famous Henry V, and basically has people swarming him since birth claiming that they’re working in his best interest. He’s a bit of a self-preservationist to start, but by the end we see a man completely transformed by the horrors of war and ruthless politics. I also think he might be the only Shakespeare character who gets his entire life played out on stage. We see him at every stage of his life, which makes his descent all the more bitter. (One cannot help but see the broken man he is at forty-nine and be forced to remember the spritely, kind boy he was at ten). He’s a man who clings closely to God in an environment where God seems to be absent. He desires peace, if nothing else, and he wants to achieve this by talking things through. He’s an excellent orator (one only needs to look at the “Ay Margaret; my heart is drown’d with grief” monologue from 2H6, but there are countless other examples), but there’s a point where even he realizes that his talking will achieve nothing, and his alternative is heartbreaking. 

We have his wife, Queen Margaret, otherwise known as Margaret of Anjou, or the “she-wolf of France”. I advertise her as “if you like Lady Macbeth, you’ll love Margaret of Anjou”. Sometimes Shakespeare can portray her as wanting power for herself, but I genuinely think she wanted a good life for her husband and her child, otherwise the alternative is begging at her uncle’s feet for protection in France (her uncle was Charles VII of France) while separated from her husband, having her or a member of her immediate family be killed, or worse. I think it’s important to remember with Margaret that historically she came from a family where women took power if their husbands were unable to. Her assumption of power in these plays is something that’s natural to her, even if it’s not reflected very well in Shakespeare’s language. You also see some fantastically thrilling monologues from Margaret as well, especially her molehill speech (one of two molehill speeches in 3H6, totally different in nature - the other one is from a heartbroken and forlorn Henry after the Battle of Towton) - Margaret’s monologue has got the energy of a hungry cat holding a mouse by the tail. 

Also Henry and Margaret have a fascinating relationship. Because they’re so different in how they resolve conflicts, they grow somewhat disenchanted with each other at times, and can actually be mean to one another, despite their love. My favorite scene might be at the start of 3H6, where Margaret has come in with their seven year old son, Edward, and starts berating Henry for giving the line of succession to the Yorkists. What strikes me there is that we have a little boy having to choose between staying with his mom, or going with his dad - it’s something very domestic, and I think the emotional accessibility of that scene is what makes it memorable. It’s not about politics for me at that moment, it’s about a boy having to choose between his very estranged parents. Here’s a little taste from 1.1. in 3H6 - lines 255-261: 

QUEEN MARGARET: Come son, let’s away. / Our army is ready; come, we’ll after them. 

KING HENRY: Stay, gentle Margaret, and hear me speak. 

QUEEN MARGARET: Thou hast spoke too much already. Get thee gone. 

KING HENRY: Gentle son Edward, thou wilt stay with me? 

QUEEN MARGARET: Ay, to be murdered by his enemies. 

We also have Richard, Duke of York, who is Henry’s cousin and leader of the Yorkist faction. If you’re at all familiar with 1990s British politics, as I have grown close to over the past month, York reminds me very much of Michael Heseltine (filthy rich and constantly vying for power) - and I would love to stage some kind of modern H6 cycle production just so I could make that connection. York’s father is one of the three traitors executed by Henry V at the start of H5, leaving him an orphan at four years old (historically). He is also Aumerle’s (from R2) nephew, and so when Aumerle dies at the Battle of Agincourt, little four year old Richard inherits both his father’s money and titles, and his uncle’s money and titles, making him the second richest nobleman in England behind the King. All this information is historical and doesn’t really show up in the play, but I think that kind of background would give a man some entitlement. He’s also next in line for the throne if something were to happen to Henry (until Henry has a son), so he feels it is his duty as heir to the throne to protect Henry (or in better words, he feels that he should be running the show) - Margaret feels that it is her duty to protect Henry as she is his wife and mother of Edward of Westminster, the Lancastrian heir, and so you can see where these two are going to disagree. 

More fascinating are York’s sons, Edward, George, and Richard. Edward is this (for lack of better words) “hip” eighteen year old who comes and shreds things up at the Battle of Towton - becoming Edward IV in the process and chasing Henry off the throne. He is incredibly problematic, but I might venture to say that he’s the least problematic of the trio of York brothers. George of Clarence is (also for lack of better words) “a hot mess” and feels entitled to power, even though he may not readily give his motivations for it. I think he just wants it, and so he actually ends up switching sides mid-3H6 because he would actually be in a better position in government with those new allies. And finally, we have Richard of Gloucester (future Richard III), and in 3H6, you just get to see him sparkle. It puzzles me a bit how people can just jump into Richard III without getting any of the lead up that Shakespeare gave in the H6 cycle, and I think 3H6 is the perfect play to see that. I think it clears up a lot of his motivation, which Shakespeare didn’t get perfectly either, because there are some ableist things going on with these plays. He’s just as bloodthirsty, just as cynical, but in this play, he wins out the day. 

These are just a few of the main characters. We’ve also got Richard Neville, Earl of Warwick (known to history as “The Kingmaker”), who is this incredibly powerful nobleman who is wicked skilled in battle and seems to have a lot of luck in that area (until he doesn’t). We’ve got Clifford, who is just as bloodthirsty as Richard III (if not more so). We’ve also got Humphrey, Duke of Gloucester - Henry’s uncle and quite unpopular with his fellow noblemen, and Eleanor Cobham, his wife who gets caught in the act of witchcraft. (Talk to my lovely friend @nuingiliath if you want to hear about Humphrey or Eleanor). Joan of Arc also makes an appearance in 1H6, and often she’s the only reason that 1H6 gets performed. 

There are so many ways to latch onto this cycle, and it can be for the huge arcs that these characters go on, or it can be for the very small reasons, like in the first scene of 3H6, like I mentioned earlier. It’s very much akin to Titus Andronicus in the language (I did a bit of research a while ago about the use of animal-focused language in Shakespeare’s plays, and the H6 cycle and Titus Andronicus lead the charts just in terms of frequency of people being referred to metaphorically as animals- they’re also chronological neighbors, all written very early in Shakespeare’s career). Also, these plays held a huge amount of weight at the time they were written - the effects of the Wars of the Roses were still pressing over the political climate of the 1590s. 

I think these plays are great to read just in being able to contextualize the histories as a whole - you get to know how things fared after Henry V (spoiler: not well), and you also get the lead up to Richard III. The ghosts in Richard’s dream make sense after reading the H6 cycle - because those ghosts lived in the H6 cycle, and (spoiler: Richard wronged them in the H6 cycle). They were also the first of Shakespeare’s history plays, so you read subsequent histories plays that make subtle references to the H6 cycle, and I think you can take so much more out of the rest of the histories plays once you’ve read these. 

I hope this was a little informative, and perhaps persuaded you to check them out! 

Productions I recommend (you can click on the bold titles and it’ll take you to where you can access these productions): 

Shakespeare’s Globe at Barnet (2013) // Graham Butler (Henry VI), Mary Doherty (Margaret of Anjou), Brendan O’Hea (Richard, Duke of York), Simon Harrison (Richard of Gloucester) - filmed at Barnet, location of the Battle of Barnet, where Warwick was killed in 1471. 

ESC Production (1990) // Paul Brennen (Henry VI), June Watson (Margaret of Anjou), Barry Stanton (Richard, Duke of York), Andrew Jarvis (Richard of Gloucester) - a more modern production, one cast put together all seven major Plantagenet history plays (1H6 and 2H6 are combined into one play - a normal practice). Sometimes this footage can be a bit fuzzy, but I loved this production. 

The Hollow Crown Season 2 // Tom Sturridge (Henry VI), Sophie Okonedo (Margaret of Anjou), Adrian Dunbar (Richard, Duke of York), Benedict Cumberbatch (Richard of Gloucester) - done in a film-like style, also with some pretty big name actors as you can see. Season 1 stars Ben Whishaw as Richard II, Jeremy Irons as Henry IV, Simon Russell Beale as Falstaff, and Tom Hiddleston as Hal/Henry V. (also available on iTunes) 

RSC Wars of the Roses (1965) // David Warner (Henry VI), Peggy Ashcroft (Margaret of Anjou), Donald Sinden (Richard, Duke of York), Ian Holm (Richard of Gloucester) - black and white film, done in parts on YouTube. 

BBC Henry VI Plays (1983) // Peter Benson (Henry VI), Julia Foster (Margaret of Anjou), Bernard Hill (Richard, Duke of York), Ron Cook (Richard of Gloucester) - features my favorite filmed performance of Edward IV (played by Brian Protheroe), and my favorite filmed performance of Warwick (played by Mark Wing-Davey). 

Also if you ever get to see Rosa Joshi’s production of an all female H6 cycle... *like every time I see photos my immediate reaction is *heart eyes* I haven’t seen it yet, but my amazing friend and fellow Shakespearean @princess-of-france has - I’m sure she’d love to talk more about it sometime! I’ll leave a picture I found on the internet... 

Also tagging @suits-of-woe because we could cry about these plays all day. 

[gra-sonas]

On the Season 2 finale of The CW series Roswell, New Mexico, while most of the attendees of CrashCon survived unscathed, many of the beloved characters were faced with choices in their own lives that forced them to make decisions that could set them on very different life paths in Season 3. How any of it will ultimately play out, only time will tell, but for now, there’s plenty of time to speculate while waiting for new episodes.

And in the meantime, we got on the phone to chat 1-on-1 with showrunner Carina Adly MacKenzie about tying up all of the family threads this season, shooting the last two episodes at a carnival, the scene that had to be cut, digging deeper into Max’s alien side, which character is most content with who they are, the importance of the abortion storyline in Season 2, how the plan for Season 3 will evolve, and what fans should make of that shocking final moment.

Collider: A lot of threads get tied up in this season finale, and you really pulled together a lot of the family storylines this season, from the Ortecho family, to the aliens and their family history, to Maria (Heather Hemmens) and her mother, to the Manes men, and even Cameron (Riley Voelkel) and Charlie (Jamie Clayton). Was that something that was always a really apparent theme for this season, or was that something that just happened, along the way?

CARINA ADLY MacKENZIE: That just happened. My only experience, other than working on Roswell, was working on The Originals, which was a show about family, so I think that my storytelling inclination is always in that direction. I also think that the age of the characters, when everybody’s coming into their 30s, that’s when you start to build your family, and you start to examine where you came from and decide where you want to go, as far as the people that you surround yourself with. And so, it just came about organically. I like telling family stories. I think that there’s a complicated nature to the people that you’re stuck with and who you were put here with, and figuring out how they fit in your life and whether they fit in your life is an ongoing process.

These last episodes have a lot going on, between a carnival, a fire, and all of these big things happening. What was it like to set these last two episodes in a carnival, and what were the biggest production challenges in pulling all of that off?

MacKENZIE: Well, I’m glad that we did it when we did it because I don’t think we’d be able to do it in a post-COVID world. Honestly, it was easier than I thought it was gonna be. We had a real carnival team come in and set up the carnival. The cotton candy truck was working and you could go get a fried Oreo in the middle of work. [Michael] Vlamis and I rode the rides, during a break. It was not as hard as it seems. We did have to cut one scene that we shot on the Ferris wheel because it turns out that it’s not that easy to shoot on a Ferris wheel in the daytime. I was like, “But I’ve got so many favorite shows that have Ferris wheel scenes,” and I realized that most of those are in the night because you don’t have to worry about these massive shadows getting cast over your actors, while you’re trying to shoot. But really, it was pretty seamless. Our crew worked really hard. Everyone was in really good spirits and really good moods. We shot all night, on weekends, trying to get that done, but everybody was very happy to be there. It was cool. It was fun. It was a little detour into childhood, riding the Sizzler.

Did you have to entirely cut that Ferris wheel scene that you mentioned, or did you just have to move it to a different setting?

MacKENZIE: No, we had to cut it entirely. After it was shot, we looked at it and it didn’t look like our show. It was a scene between Kyle (Michael Trevino) and Steph (Justina Adorno), so I was sad to see it on the cutting room floor, but it’s hard to strap a camera to a Ferris wheel and send it on its way.

Having CrashCon does pay homage to the original series and their UFO Convention. Was that something that you intentionally wanted to acknowledge?

MacKENZIE: Yeah. UFO Con is a huge part of the culture in the real Roswell, so we definitely wanted to get there, eventually. It was a fun journey, deciding how to tell that story. Comic Cons tend to be inside with a lot of people standing in lines, and they’re not that pretty. So, we wanted to figure out a way to tell the story of this convention, but make it look cool and make it pretty. The carnival idea came up, as a closing night carnival, and it was super fun to film. We had a couple of very, very long, very, very late, and very, very cold nights at the fair, but it was fun for the crew. I think everyone was in super good spirits, and it was a fun way to end our run for the season.

Just when Max (Nathan Parsons) really does have everything that he’s wanted, he seemed as though he was willing to risk it all, in order to keep pushing for answers about his alien side. Why did you want to dig deeper into that, and why is he willing to put everything else on the line, right now, in order to get those answers?

MacKENZIE: When we meet with Max in Season 1, he has very much rejected his alien side. He’s got this whole never be extraordinary rule in his life. Knowing Liz (Jeanine Mason), and being in a relationship with Liz and seeing how inquisitive she is and how much she strives to solve the mysteries of the universe, has really affected him. I also think that, for a long time, he was willing to settle for a life that he was only half living, and seeing Isobel (Lily Cowles), in particular, really come into her own this season, and learn about her background and who she is and who she wants to be, has really influenced him. He’s got a curiosity that he just can’t satiate. Ironically Liz does, too, but their interests are not aligning.

By the end of this season, who would you say is most content in knowing what they need to do next?

MacKENZIE: I think a person who is most content, at the end of the season, is Alex. Losing his father, his renewed relationship with his brother, and the ongoing coming out process that he’s been experiencing, has brought him to a place where he’s figured out a way to be who he is. I think that we’re gonna see him really blossom next season.

I love that you also were able to not only have him find his voice figuratively, but literally, as well, with the song that he sang (called “Would You Come Home”).

MacKENZIE: Thank you. I’m really proud of that song. I wrote it with Leslie Powell and Charlie Snyder, who are really phenomenal songwriters. I’ve been writing songs for a long time, and this is the first time anyone’s ever actually heard one. It was really cool to put ourselves into Alex’s shoes and to direct Tyler in the performance of that, when we were in the studio. I love the way that the montage came together, and I’m very proud of it. I’m really excited for it to be out there. We’re going to release it on all of the various platforms, and all of my royalties are gonna go to the Trevor Project. Hopefully, it’ll do some good for the character and some good for the world, ultimately.

I also have to commend you on the whole abortion storyline this season. Abortion is clearly a topic that TV shows tend to avoid, and when shows do take that risk, they also tend to never say the word. Do you think that this being a sci-fi show and the character being an alien helped, in being able to explore that, or do you think that you would have been able to do that anyway?

MacKENZIE: I think I would have been able to do it anyway. I actually think that it was really important to tell that story in a very human way. The big conflict that came up was the amount of blood that we saw in the episode. There was a suggestion from the network, at one point, where they said, “Can you make the blood iridescent? Can you make it look alien and put the same effect on it that you put on the pods and on the glass?” And I dug my heels in really hard and said, “No, it needs to look bloody. It needs to look ugly. It needs to look like an act of violence. Forcing a woman to essentially perform an un-medically supervised abortion is an act of violence.” And ultimately, I’m really grateful for the studio and the network’s support in that. It was important that it felt very much like a human moment because that’s how we told it. We wanted to say, “Okay, what does this really look like? What does it really feel like, to be a woman in a desperate situation without access to the care that she needs?” I’m very, very proud of that storyline. It was hard and it was scary, but I think that we told it with a lot of love. I was very, very proud of Lily and very proud of Nathan. It was tough, but it was definitely worth it.

I’m guessing that you had a plan for Season 3, before you knew how the world would be changing. Will you be able to hold onto what you wanted to do for the third season, or are you thinking about and re-evaluating everything that you had planned to do?

MacKENZIE: Well, interestingly enough, the writers’ room took a break before George Floyd’s death. When we took a break, we had sketched out an entire season that was built around racism in the police department in this small town. And so, we are looking at that story with new eyes. We’re still gonna tell the story, but the pressure is on, more than ever, to get it right because it feels like the world is tuned into that station right now. So, we’re re-evaluating that, on our storytelling side, and obviously, we are also paying a lot of attention to how things evolve, as far as how we can tell our stories safely. We have a lot of contingency plans for how to sketch out a romance, if characters can’t be touching and kissing, as much as normal. And if we can’t pack our diner and our bar set full of extras, how do we tell stories in those spaces? One of the things that I learned, working on The Originals, from Michael Narducci, who was the showrunner over there for awhile, was that no matter what happens on set, when you’re the showrunner, even if it’s not your fault, it is your problem, and that’s how we’re approaching storytelling. The virus is frustrating. It’s not our fault and it’s annoying to have to re-evaluate the way that we tell stories, but our cast and crew’s safety is really, really important. And so, we are trying to creatively write our way out of a difficult situation, as every writer in town is trying to do right now. As an industry, we’re just gonna have to have to evolve and our audience is gonna have to evolve a little bit. We’ll manage.

Obviously, the end of the finale has a shocking moment, in regard to the aliens. What should we make of that? Is that something that will also be a big part of the next season?

MacKENZIE: Yeah, we’ve got a new character, and he’s around for the long haul, Farmer Jones. He’s gonna have some answers, and he’s gonna really take what the characters think they know about where they came from, why they’re here, and who their families were, and challenge those ideas. Jones’ story of what happened in 1948 is very different from Nora and Louise’s take on the story. We dug into Michael and Isobel’s family in Season 2, and I think it’s time that we do a little exploring with Max and make up for all of that work that Nathan was not doing, at the beginning of Season 2, and put him to work twice in Season 3.

~ CoIIider

[silenthillmutual]

what Classic Film(TM) you should watch based on who your fave Danganronpa 1/2 character is

disclaimer - obviously as a film dude i’m gonna say you should watch all of these. but maybe watch the one correlating to your fave first!

Makoto: 12 Angry Men (1957, dir. Sidney Lumet) - strong themes of justice, it’s about a jury trying to determine a man’s guilt. it’s basically what Makoto does for the entire game. you’ll also like it if you’re a fan of Phoenix Wright.

Sayaka: A Star is Born (1954, dir. George Cukor) - it’s all about a girl’s rise to fame and how her relationships change with that. there’s three versions of this film, most recently with Lady Gaga. 

Mukuro: Vertigo (1958, dir. Alfred Hitchcock) - themes of murder and hiding your identity, losing yourself to a cause.

Leon: Animal House (1978, dir. John Landis) - a comedy about a fraternity. it’s THE college frat movie and i think Leon would enjoy it a lot.

Chihiro: WarGames (1983, dir. John Badham) - two teenagers might have accidentally started a world war during the cold war by trying to play computer games...fitting for the series, no?

Mondo: On the Waterfront (1954, dir. Elia Kazan) - struggling to do the right thing and being sort of frustrated about your circumstances as they pertain to class and missed opportunities. being dragged into bad situations by family. also Marlon Brando is a bicon and very hot in this movie.

Taka: Rebel Without a Cause (1955, dir. Nicholas Ray) - a lot of turbulent shit happens to three teenagers over the course of 24 hours. one of - if not the first canonically gay teenager on film. i think we all know by now that James Dean was mlm, but so were the director and Sal Mineo. big bi polyam vibes; if you like chishimondo as a ship you’ll probably like this film too.

Hifumi: Akira (1988, dir. Katsuhiro Otomo) - had a hard time figuring out what to put for Hifumi, but overall i think if nothing else he’d appreciate how impressive the animation was (and honestly, still is) along with the fact that the mangaka was also the director. so although there’s a lot cut out (the manga had not finished before the film came out), it’s still roughly the same plot as the manga.

Celes: Dracula (1931, dir. Tod Browning) - probably the most iconic iteration of Bram Stoker’s novel, this is the one staring Bela Lugosi. not terribly true to the novel from what i remember, but it’s peak aesthetic and exactly the kind of thing she’d enjoy.

Sakura: Rashomon (1950, dir. Akira Kurosawa) - finally getting onto films i haven’t actually seen but that are on my list. sakura’s another person i had a hard time deciding on a film for, but the “several characters telling different accounts of the same plot” reminded me a bit of her case in the game. 

Hina: West Side Story (1961, dir. Robert Wise & Jerome Robbins) - admittedly i had a different film in mind for her to start with, but Maria’s final monologue fits with Hina’s motivations during Sakura’s case.

Toko: Gone With the Wind (1939, dir. Victor Fleming) - another one i haven’t actually watched yet, but it’s based on a famous novel, described as “epic historical romance.” i think that vibes with Toko pretty well.

Byakuya: Citizen Kane (1941, dir. Orson Welles) - if you’re really interested in film, you’re gonna be made to watch this sooner or later. famous for being the “best film ever made”, it’s more or less about newspaper moguls like William Randolph Hearst - who is also the main reason why this film is famous at all. it’s not exactly a flattering depiction of those kinds of people and boy, did that ever piss Hearst off. if he hadn’t made such a big deal trying to keep Citizen Kane from seeing the light of day, something much better might have made it to the top spot. 

Hiro: The Music Man (1962, dir. Morton DaCosta) - based on the Broadway musical of the same name, a “travelling salesman” (read: con artist) starts to work his latest con on a gullible small town, but actually starts liking the people in it.

Kyoko: The Man Who Knew Too Much (1956, dir. Alfred Hitchcock) - not to be confused with the other Hitchcock film from the 30s also titled The Man Who Knew Too Much. this is the one with James Stewart and Doris Day. it’s a highly suspenseful film that gave us the song “Que Sera, Sera (Whatever Will Be, Will Be)”.

Junko: Gaslight (1944, dir. George Cukor) - ever heard the term “gaslighting”? this is where it comes from! based on a play in which a woman’s husband psychologically tortures her into believing she is going insane.

Monokuma: Duck Soup (1933, dir. Leo McCarey) - all Marx Brothers films are as utterly silly (and sometimes as incomprehensible) as one of Monokuma’s MonoTheatres. i watched about half of Duck Soup and had to stop because it was finals week and i was supposed to be doing something other than losing my shit.

Hajime: It’s a Wonderful Life (1946, dir. Frank Capra) - you probably already know this film. if you’re Christian you know it as That Film Your Parents Watch Every Year On Dec 24th Around Midnight. if you have seasonal depression, don’t watch it then; warning for suicidal ideation. it’s supposed to be uplifting. your mileage may vary on that one. 

Impostor: To Kill a Mockingbird (1962, dir. Robert Mulligan) - i don’t have a good reason to pair these two up other than gut feeling. as far as film adaptations of books go, it’s pretty damn good, and Atticus Finch is the original DILF. themes of childhood innocence and racism. 

Teruteru: Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961, dir. Blake Edwards) - apparently much different from the novella on which it is based, but i think Teruteru would really dig the aesthetic and romantic vibes of the film. Holly Golightly is probably the original Manic Pixie Dream Girl.

Mahiru: Rear Window (1954, dir. Alfred Hitchcock) - like It’s a Wonderful Life, chances are good you know this film - or at least, you’ve seen its plot recycled a hell of a lot. a professional photographer recovering from a broken leg thinks he witnesses a murder take place and is determined to get to the truth.

Peko: Seven Samurai (1954, dir. Akira Kurosawa) - another one on my to-watch list, but it’s oft referenced and remade in film. a village hires seven ronin to protect them from bandits who will return to steal their crops. 

Hiyoko: East of Eden (1955, dir. Elia Kazan) - i’ll be honest here, i didn’t really know what to put for Hiyoko because i’m not sure i understand much about her, but i seem to remember her family playing a pretty big role in her being Like That and for “shitty family” the first two things to come to mind were this and Giant. and unless you like 3-hour long movies about the state of Texas, i’m not about to recommend you watch Giant.

Ibuki: A Night at the Opera (1935, dir. Sam Wood) - another Marx Bros film in which they help a girl both to be with her lover and to achieve her dreams of stardom as an opera singer. the kind of silly, manic thing i think Ibuki would like.

Mikan: The Shining (1980, dir. Stanley Kubrick) - i hate hate hate putting this on here, but since this is for film and not books i couldn’t exactly state to read the book. the book is about the cycle of abuse. the movie is more about... a trapped man going crazy in a spooky hotel. 

Nekomaru: It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World (1963, dir. Stanley Kramer) - comedy about five groups of people racing to get to a large sum of money buried by a recently escaped convict they stopped to help out after his car crash. it’s a comedy, and just kinda seemed like Nekomaru’s thing.

Gundham: The Seventh Seal (1957, dir. Ingmar Bergman) - i watched this in like 10th grade and all i really remember is a man playing chess with Death and if that doesn’t say Gundham Tanaka to you, i don’t know what does.

Nagito: North by Northwest (1959, dir. Alfred Hitchcock) - i don’t really have a reason for this one either but it’s a spy film and i think komaeda could get behind that kind of intrigue. 

Chiaki: Metropolis (1927, dir. Fritz Lang) - not to be confused with the anime, this is a 1927 German expressionist film that seems to be about socialism and unionization. it’s also famous for its (purposeful) use of the Male Gaze and being one of the first sci-fi films ever made. be warned: it is a silent film.

Sonia: Strangers on a Train (1951, dir. Alfred Hitchcock) - another one of those films you’ll get told to watch if you’re interested in the queer history of film, i was gonna put something else but honestly the character of Barbara kinda reminded me of Sonia. a famous tennis player meets a man on a train who attempts to plan a double-murder with him.

Akane: My Fair Lady (1964, dir. George Cukor) - i was trying so hard not to double up on the post about musicals, but Akane really does have Eliza Doolittle vibes. they’re both feral and nothing would be able to really domesticate them. for whatever it’s worth, this film and the musical on which it is based is itself based on the play Pygmalion, in which your typical rich cishet white dude bets he can turn any street urchin into a real lady because he’s just that good. you might know the plot better as Pretty Woman.

Kazuichi: A Streetcar Named Desire (1951, dir. Elia Kazan) - i don’t really have a good excuse for this one, either; i haven’t even watched it yet (although i have read the play on which it is based). all i’m gonna say is i want Souda to have his gay awakening via Marlon Brando, as we all do.

Fuyuhiko: Casablanca (1942, dir. Michael Curtiz) - despite his love and adoration for Ingrid Bergman, Humphrey Bogart decides fighting Nazis is more important. i think Fuyuhiko would like the aesthetic, and the film. don’t let him know but i think he’d probably cry watching it.

Usami: To Sir, With Love (1967, dir. James Clavell) - issues of race and class intersecting in a film about a teacher working with inner city students. i was going to put Singin’ in the Rain here, because it’s what Usami would want people to watch...but i think this better fits the effect she wants to have as a being. 

[lady-plantagenet]

Unpopular opinion: after Isabel Neville’s death, Clarence was not completely well mentally, and didn’t deserve to be executed because of it.

https://lady-plantagenet.tumblr.com/post/617714526816714752/send-me-unpopular-opinions

| strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree

Hello Anon <3, I see I have attracted a couple of George Duke of Clarence-centric asks haha, which I am glad of

1. Well, the first question to ask is if the relationship was really that close.

I don’t remember what Ashdowne-Hill said exactly (I don’t have the book with me), but Michael Hicks in ‘False, Fleeting, Perjured Clarence’ (which I don’t have yet but have had access to some snippets) said he was a devoted husband. It’s important to also note that however little you believe in Ashdowne-Hill’s academic credibility, Hicks is truly above reproach.

We know that his behaviour had become more erratic after Isabel’s death than it ever was when she was alive (Ankarette’s hanging, barging into a privy council meeting and calling Edward a murderer for what befell Stacy and Burdet, honestly even getting implicated in the whole set up... the list goes on), this would imply a love for her. He already had a son so it couldn’t have been madness brought about by him lacking an heir. In other words, he got an heir and he got her lands, so if he did not love her there would be no explanation for his reaction. If anything her death would mean he would be free to marry Mary of Burgundy.

... regarding that, it is important to note that despite Margaret (his sister) pushing for this marriage, there is zero contemporary evidence of George’s reaction to this or if he even knew about the prospect (despite how it was portrayed in The Sunne in Splendour and The White Queen). It was rejected by Edward IV in its infancy. Even if George wanted this marriage, it still does not mean he didn’t love her. People react differently to widowhood, some lose any desire to marry ever again whereas others desperately try to fill the hole left behind by remarrying (an example could be Richard II).

The marriage prospect to Mary would be the only evidence rebutting this presumption. Any facts that do arise through our limited knowledge agree with what Michael Hicks said. It is also noteworthy that out of all the York sons he never had any other woman or bastard linked to his name not even in rumour and not even during the couples’ childless gap (1469-1473) - something which was rare for that time. He was described as charming and handsome and above all a royal Duke, so it is not like no woman would have had him.

2. Was he not well mentally?

Well, his drinking had certainly increased tremendously and even if he had no underlying mental health condition, alcoholism alone can cause permanent damage to one’s brain and nerves in a way that alters the personality. A lot of his actions as early as 1468 suggest an eccentric and somewhat erratic man, however, he was clearly in charge of his faculties and was capable of great cunningness e.g. secretly interviewing Lord Welles and staging that whole affair (Ramsay, II, page 349) which would have been successful were it not for Welles confessing and sabotaging the whole thing or accompanying Edward to St Paul’s around March 1470 to throw smoke in his eyes and then sending him a letter at Cambridgeshire pretending to bring Warwick to his side, in order to be authorised to raise troops. However, since the inheritance dispute none such intelligent plotting has seen the light.

So yes by the time or after Isabel’s death he was definitely not completely well mentally. Even worse than ever before.

3. Did he, therefore, not deserve to be executed?

I guess this is where my personal opinion comes along. Indeed, he should not have been executed. I know it’s the 15th century and stuff like ‘mental health’ etc are not exactly buzzwords, but even then the concept that people can be out of touch with their mental faculties was not foreign. It should have been evident to anyone, especially his family, that he was suffering heavily and as such should be rehabilitated and shown kindness. His sisters and mother definitely thought so and when they plead for his life I am sure (though I do not have access to any letters) that this his fragility was the main point of argument. I obviously also empathise with Edward IV, it must be harrowing to be betrayed again and again, but in George’s défense, he made no secret of his favouritism towards Richard of Gloucester. Not only did he not fully accord George his trust after 1470 (which I don’t blame) BUT even before the events of 1469, he rejected by and large most of George’s counsel and in 1466 when George asked him to let him go to Ireland to practice his role as Lord lieutenant, Edward IV sent someone else (I recall it being his brother-in-law the Duke of Suffolk) because he thought George at 17 was too young whereas Richard of Gloucester was given de facto command of the Western Counties as Commisioner of Array when he was that exact same age (Kendall). If you think that didn’t elude George you would be right.

In conclusion, to be fair to George, you could see that he was never given a chance to prove himself and never had much of a support network. Isabel was probably his only support and after she died, one can reasonably draw the conclusion that he found no stable ground to stand on, combined with a difficult and fleeting childhood, one can deduce that to a great extent he was a victim of circumstances, which no one bothered to remedy, and as such, largely not at fault and undeserving of execution.

[thesportssoundoff]

Lists ‘N Stuff: 00s Heavyweights

Lists ‘N Stuff: 00s Heavyweights

I’ve been watching a lot of boxing. A lot. Too much even. Originally it started out of my desire to catch up on fights I had missed after I dipped out on boxing in the late 90s before getting back into the sport around 2007 or so. It eventually delved into a deep dive on what basically amounts to the last 20-30 years in combat sports. Given my love of things like lists, I figured I’d do one. Doing a list for the HWs in the 90s was genuinely a lot of fun because it meant re-watching a bevy of classic fights with classic characters. Doing one for 2000 to 2009? Well....Well ya know. Inarguably  the worst division in all of boxing for its entire run of the 2000s, this was not easy BUT by the grace of God and plenty of rumchata, I survived. Here we go! 

Honorable Mention:

John Ruiz- I was not going to put John Ruiz on this list. Even as a Puerto Rican, I couldn't go that far. Ruiz's trilogy with Evander Holyfield are among some of the worst fights ever and he was styled on by natural light heavyweight Roy Jones Jr where the only competitive fight that night was Norman Stone fighting with whoever was refereeing. He did beat Andrew Golota (and I think that was a fair call), he lost to James Toney, lost to Ruslan Chagaev and honestly probably got jobbed vs Nikolai Valuev. Ruiz deserves a lot of credit for doing the best with what he had but consider that he fought in TEN straight title fights by the big four and only finished one of them and went 5-4-1 with a ton of split decisions in there and tell me he deserves a spot on this list.

Evander Holyfield- The 2000s were arguably most sad in the HW division because Evander Holyfield was still fighting for titles well into his 40s. Holyfield went 6-6-1 in the 2000s with a trilogy with John Ruiz, wins over dudes like Fres Oquendo and Vinny Madalone and losses to James Toney, Nikolai Valuev (in a fight I thought he won), Larry Donald, Chris Byrd and Sultan Ibragimov. Holyfield was just sort of there in the 2000s with nobody ever really letting him go away because he was one of the divisions few remaining stars. It's not pretty.  

Jameel McCline- It kind of gets lost because of how bleh he was but McCline was a pretty solid HW during the 2000s. He was pretty much the epitome of a big dude journeyman tough guy spoiler. He gave tough guys to Sam Peter, Chris Byrd, Calvin Brock and John Ruiz when he was a bit more focused of a fighter plus has wins over Shannon Briggs and Michael Grant. If two fights had gone his way (the Peter fight could've been stopped on Earth 2 and I thought he beat Byrd) then maybe McCline sneaks on this list.

Nikolai Valuev- Some guys are too big to fail but Nikolai Valuev was too big to succeed.  His natural size limited how good he could be and unfortunately for Valuev, he was a boxing gimmick from start to finish. Valuev struggled endlessly whenever he got a step up in competition and seemed to always wind up on the right end of a close decision. Boxing's funny like that. The Valuev end came against Ruslan Chagaev but he managed to win another title and eventually fight David Haye in the crowning ceremony of the Hayemaker as a HW.

Oleg Maskaev- Fullest credit to Maskaev who started out the 2000s with a 2-3 record and went on a killer run to eventually find himself set up with a fight vs Hasim Rahman. Losing throughout the entire fight, Maskaev ralled in the 12th round and stopped Rahman to become a champ 10 years after the start of his career.

1- Wladimir Klitschko Record in the 00s (Jan 1st 2000 to December 31st 2009)- 22-2 Record in title fights- 17-2 Record against other fighters on the list- 6-1

"Wladimir Klitschko looks so good, you wonder what's wrong with him." That's the line Larry Merchant uttered prior to Klitschko's fight vs Corrie Sanders. It was the same fight where Merchant pretty much washed his hands of Klitschko after Corrie Sanders wiped the floor with him and exposed Wlad's questionable chin and recovery chops. Turned out all Wlad needed was Emmanuel Steward to basically rebuild him from the ground up, focus on protecting his chin and using one of the HW division's best jabs ever to keep scared opponents at bay and set up a perfect right hand. Wladimir Klitschko is unfortunately a victim of the times and of a style that led to a lot of stinky fights with barely satisfying conclusions. It's unfortunate because I truly believe regardless of era, Wladimir Klitschko has the skills to be top 10 quality in any time period. The Steward led Klitschko was just a perfect boxing machine and very few guys had the chops to sort of get through that. In the 2000s, Wlad beat and fought everyone and the only guy on this list to beat him was Brewster in a fight where Lamon just basically refused to go away. Wladimir has over Ibragimov, Chagaev, Peter, Byrd twice and Brewster in a rematch. I don't think he would've beaten Lennox Lewis but he would've probably wiped the floor with anybody else on this list and that includes Vitali if only because Vitali was in various stages of broken for most of the early 2000s and once they reached the end of the decade, Wlad's athleticism was so much far beyond anybody else in this division. You don't have to like it (and I don't blame you if ya don't!) but Wlad's one of the greatest HWs ever and the best of the 2000s.

2- Vitali Klitschko Record in the 00s (Jan 1st 2000 to December 31st 2009)- 12-2 Record in title fights- 6-2 Record against other fighters on the list- 1-2

I'm totally fine if you have Lennox Lewis OVER Vitali Klitschko in your top 10 rankings. It's a justifiable and fair enough argument to be clear. I'm putting Vitali over Lennox because even with a little under four year long break, Vitali fought more and in a way Vitali fought the best of both worlds. He fought the dying days of the late 90s HW explosion and then came back and fought at the end of the Klitschko legacy era. Vitali's wins are actually not that impressive in theory as Sam Peter is not as highly regarded as I would have him and his second best win after that is either crude South African banger Corrie Sanders or then undefeated HW Chris Arreola. Guys like Danny Williams, Vaughan Bean, Ross Purrity, Orlin Norris and Larry Donald are good wins to have but any credible top 10 HW for his era should handle those guys well. Vitali Klitschko's resume might've looked even better had he stuck around for those three years and either gotten his Lewis rematch (which I truly believe he would've lost) or just beaten up on the John Ruiz, James Toney, Hasim Rahman and Andrew Golota's of the world. He's my #2 HW of the 00s.

3- Lennox Lewis Record in the 00s (Jan 1st 2000 to December 31st 2009)- 6-1 Record in title fights- 6-1 Record against other fighters on the list- 2-1

The ONLY reason Lennox Lewis is SO low on this list is because he wasn't around for much of it. Lewis retired in 2003 after a controversial fight against Vitali Klitschko and....I honestly think the Klitschko fight is really overblown to the legacy of Lennox Lewis. It's often hyped up as Lewis retiring after a really tough fight because he knew he couldn't beat Vitali or what have you but in truth, Lewis was well on his way to stopping Vitali anyways before the cuts. Furthermore Lewis was fat and happy and had pretty much retired before the fight even began anyways. The only thing that stopped Lennox from pretty much wiping out the rest of the HW division for much of the 2000s was that Lewis made his money and didn't want to have some B-Hop esque run where he beat up on limited competition well into his 40s. Lewis' 2000s run features Frans Botha, the corpse of Mike Tyson, Vitali and David Tua. An argument can be made that if Lewis doesn't get smelted by Rahman (a win he'd eventually get back), he could be arguably one of the top 3 heavyweights ever.

4- Chris Byrd Record in the 00s (Jan 1st 2000 to December 31st 2009)- 11-4-1 Record in title fights- 5-2-1 Record against other fighters on the list- 1-2

The general argument I have (or feel I have) is that once you get outside the top 3 HWs, you're sort of open to interpret the top of the HW division however you so wish. Chris Byrd is my #4 HW if only because of his ability to stick around as a slickster boxer who managed to win fights at HW despite having absolutely zero pop in his hands. Hell if anything Bird should be this high just because of how lucky he was (theoretically) throughout his career. He survived close calls against Andrew Golota and Jameel McCline, he managed to not suffer a knockdown at any point in a 12 round fight against eternally hard puncher David Tua, he was getting wiped out on the cards vs Vitali Klitschko and then won the belt because Vitali tore his shoulder. Sometimes it's better to be lucky than good although Chris Byrd was arguably both of those at the same time. Chris Byrd ended the 90s getting smelted by Ike Ibeabuchi and then once the decade turns to the double zeros, Byrd went 8-1-1 with wins over Vitali Klitschko, Evander Holyfield, Jameel McCline, Fres Oquendo and DaVaryll Williamson. His losses in the 2000s were to Wladimir Klitschko twice, Alexander Povetkin and Shaun George at the very end of Byrd's run. He's my #4 HW.

5- Sam Peter Record in the 00s (Jan 1st 2000 to December 31st 2009)- 33-3 Record in title fights- 5-2 Record against other fighters on the list- 2-2

Sam Peter is actually a pretty damn cool success story. While he became a meme on boxing sites, Peter went from being a poor kid growing up in Nigeria to a HW champ of the world despite his many limitations. Maybe Peter was just a beneficiary of a vacantly empty heavyweight division but that's also unfair to him given the work he put in to even get to that point. Peter fought both Klitschko brothers, James Toney twice, the underrated Jameel McCline and veteran HW Oleg Maskaev and racked up a 4-2 record throughout that time. Peter wasn't the most talented dude but he was tough, gritty and hit really damn hard.  Two of his losses during this era were to the Klitschkos so that accounts for something. WHONEX indeed.

6- Lamon Brewster Record in the 00s (Jan 1st 2000 to December 31st 2009)- 13-4 Record in title fights- 4-2 Record against other fighters on the list- 1-1

Maybe it's not a great sign for the HW division that Lamon Brewster is up this high. Actually I think it's fair to wonder how good Lamon Brewster could've been had he not suffered a torn retinae against Sergei Liakhovich in one of his last real "big" fights. Brewster wasn't the most naturally gifted boxer but he hit really hard, had enough cardio to go hard in fights and was the sort of dude who could get anybody out early. Until Tyson Fury's masterclass, the last guy to beat Wladimir Klitschko was Lamon Brewster in a rock 'em sock 'em sort of fight where he was getting beat up early and then rallied to drop Wladimir en route to a stoppage victory. Brewster hurt his eye really badly against Sergei Liakhovich and was never the same afterwards, basically ending his relevancy before he had even hit his mid 30s. The Liakhovich fight by the way is one of the gnarlier HW fights you'll see and sort of gets lost in the shuffle given how dismal the division was during this time period.

7- James Toney Record in the 00s (Jan 1st 2000 to December 31st 2009)- 13-2-1 Record in title fights- 1-0-1 (1) Record against other fighters on the list- 0-2-1 (1)

Let's be fair now. James Toney doesn't belong on this list because he probably should've never been a heavyweight. It's never a good sign when Jim Lampley refers to you as a "Fat tub of goo" before your first title fight in the weight class but alas. Toney started the 2000s off beating Visiliy Jirov in one of the greatest fights ever and then jumped all the way up to HW to face Don King's batch of merry men at the top. As such Toney fought Holyfield (and beat him decisively), Rahman twice (and I thought he lost one and would've won the other if not for a headbutt) and John Ruiz in a fight he won decisively but popped for steroids of all things. Toney's resume has a lot of fluff in it at heavyweight (HAR HAR) but the fact he was still able to be competitive despite probably being at most a cruiserweight is pretty awesome. Toney vs Sam Peter I is also one of the best fights of the 2000s if you want to see an underrated HW banger.

8- Ruslan Chagaev Record in the 00s (Jan 1st 2000 to December 31st 2009)- 23-1-1 Record in title fights- 3-1 Record against other fighters on the list- 0-1

So funny story but Ruslan Chagaev was a big reason why I got back into the HW division. Watching him mid afternoon on Fox Sports upset generally bad Nikolai Valuev made me want to watch the heavyweights again, primarily because it meant in theory that I didn't have to read about how Valuev had stolen yet another fight in Germany. Chagaev's career is pretty much married with injuries and stop starts as torn ACLs, hepatitis (!) and other medical ailments led to him fighting on again off again later into the 2000s. Chagaev wasn't the most skilled HW out there but it's fair to wonder how much better (or worse) his resume would've been had he stayed healthy enough to fight guys like Lamon Brewster, Sultan Ibrabimov and Wladimir Klitschko far earlier in his run. I thought he cleanly beat guys like Valuev and Vladimir Virchys but I also thought Chagaev lost to John Ruiz for whatever it's worth.

9- Hasim Rahman Record in the 00s (Jan 1st 2000 to December 31st 2009)- 13-5-2 Record in title fights- 2-4-1 Record against other fighters on the list- 1-3

I don't have a great way to say this but basically it was never a good thing in the 2000s when you the likes of Hasim Rahman, John Ruiz, James Toney and Andrew Golota in a title fight. It usually meant you were about to be robbed of your time or your money with either a shitty fight or a quick stoppage. Hasim Rahman dominated the early 2000s in terms of title fights and title opportunities and our reward for that was a lot of weird bad fights and "What the fuck?" isms. So how did Rahman make the list? Partially because "The Rock" fought everybody and anybody and did well enough in almost all of those fights. To his credit, Rahman's record also has some victimhood in it. I thought he beat David Tua (and was robbed of a knockdown) when the judges gave him a draw and I thought likewise against James Toney (I had it 7-5 Rahman) but he once again got a draw. Who knows if he would've beaten Evander Holyfield if Holyfield didn't basically headbutt him to death in their fight. He beat respected dudes like Kali Meehan, Corrie Sanders and Monte Barrett during this time period. The biggest reason he's on this list? The KO win over Lennox Lewis. Even if Lewis eventually rectified that, it happened and Rahman's one of two guys to finish Lennox Lewis. That helps push him up on the top 10 list.

10- Sultan Ibragimov Record in the 00s (Jan 1st 2000 to December 31st 2009)- 22-1-1 Record in title fights- 2-1 Record against other fighters on the list- 0-1

If this was strictly about skills, Sultan Ibragimov would be ranked so much higher. Ibragimov was genuinely great and adapted his style from a stay busy all activity fighter to a more defensive oriented counter striker with quick hands. He, like most heavyweights of this era, just lacked the power to put folks away and lacked any semblance of urgency. Ibragimov rose up the ranks quickly and wins over 90s names like Shannon Briggs and Evander Holyfield put him on this list. The reason Ibragimov isn't ranked higher? That god damn Klitschko fight. Arguably the worst heavyweight fight ever, Ibragimov basically threw jabs for the first six rounds and then nothing beyond that. It pretty much killed Wlad as an attraction in the United States and dude didn't return to the Garden for seven years.

[beeexx]

Set after 2x6, Alex and Kyle talk about things.

You can read it here  on my ao3 too. Just a little snippet I wrote after everything so to say.

“I need a friend.” That’s the words Alex wakes up to when he finally crawls out of his bedroom to open the door to Kyle’s persistent ringing. His cheek has a crease from sleeping in a weird position on his pillow and his hair is sleep tousled.

At the sight of Alex Kyle’s eyebrow shoots upwards and his mouth open.

“Wait, were you sleeping?” Alex is too tired to feel bothered by the fact that he is indeed only wearing sweatpants and a blanket wrapped around himself.

“Maybe.” He mutters

“Dude, it’s like 1pm.”

“Yeah well…”

“Okay, maybe you need a friend too, can I come in?” Alex bites back the reply of we’re not friends which threatens to escape. Also, the fact that he steps aside to let Kyle in probably means they are. From behind him Kyle picks up two plastic bags and sidesteps Alex to get inside. 

“Just make yourself comfortable.” He mutters to the empty space and closes it slowly. His brain really hasn’t woken up enough for this. He walks into his bedroom and puts on a t-shirt and an old ratty jumper lying at the back of his closet. When he finally makes it to the kitchen where Kyle is he decides that Kyle and him are definitely friends because a cup of hot steaming coffee is pushed into his hands. He can’t help the moan he lets out at the sip he takes. Kyle just chuckles and leans back against the counter, looking happy. 

“So, what’s up?”

“Ugh, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay, if you’re not here to talk about it then why are you here?”

“Well it was this, the gym or gettin drunk, and before you ask, yes I already tried the gym. It didn’t do the trick. And the second option being alcohol, it is 1pm and I am not in the habit of getting drunk at that time, and I also have a job to go to tomorrow and I didn’t think you would appreciate getting drunk with me. Because, well because you have a job to go to as well. So I had to get creative and hanging out honestly seemed like the best option I had.”

Alex takes another sip.

 “Should I feel offended by the fact that I rank the lowest on that list?” 

“I thought you might say that so I bought bribing material.” He looks through one of the plastic bags and holds up a couple of Airheads and a packet of flaming hot Cheetos. Kyle wiggle his eyebrows.

“Yeah that is definitely not bad bragging material.” Alex puts the coffee down and takes the snacks off Kyle.

“I haven’t had Airheads in so long.”

“They used to be your favourite when we grew up.”

“You remember?” Alex is actually surprised to hear that.

“Of course I remember. I don’t even know why you like them so much but today I am definitely not judging because on the way here I stopped and probably bought mine and your weights combined in snacks.”

“You really must be having a bad day.” Alex laughs.

“I drove all the way here and brought enough snacks to give me diabetes in 20 years time, so yes I definitely am.” Kyle says and picks out a bag of Moams from the bags. Alex peeks over his shoulder to see that Kyle definitely wasn’t lying. The bags or filled up with different kinds of snacks to honestly last Alex 6 months. 

“Did you at least bring anything to drink with all of this?”

Kyle replies by taking out a six packs of Mountain Dew and Coke and Alex shakes his head but goes for the Mountain Dew.

“I haven’t had this shit since I was a kid, that’s for sure.” He takes out a glass and hands one to Kyle before he fills his glass up with the soda. He takes a sip and it tastes just like he remembers, sickly sweet. He takes an even bigger sip.

“So, what’s next then?”

“I have thought of that too my friend.” Kyle says and apparently he has because what he does next is that he he puts a stack of DVDs in front of Alex and steps back.

“Wow, you really have.” Alex leans over and looks at the selection. He spots Back to the Future at the top. 

“I have.”

“Star Wars? Really?” Alex holds the DVD up.

“Oh yes, I am desperate enough to watch Star Wars, that should tell you something.”

“Yeah, but Star Wars, that’s a new level even for you.”

Kyle snorts and pops some popcorn into his mouth. 

“I didn’t know you even owned this.” Kyle shrugs.

“I bought them a while back but I’ve not really had the time to watch them.”

“I see… well you know what sure. Let’s watch Star Wars.” Alex picks up one of the bags along with his snacks and walks into the living room, Kyle in tow. 

“This is a nice place.” Kyle notes as he lays himself down onto the couch like he owns the place. Alex lets him, just because he’s having a day. He sits down on the other end and opens up the Cheetos. 

“Thanks.”

“The military pay for this?”

“Yeah.”

“Hm, not bad.”

Alex picks up the DVD.

“Are you sure you want to watch this?”

“I’m probably the only 28 year old who hasn’t seen Star Wars, I feel like I’m missing out on part of my culture.”

“I mean yeah you probably are the only person our age who hasn’t seen this. You know you’re supposed to start with episode IV right?”

“What? How does that make any sense. Why?” 

Alex laughs at the obvious confusion Kyle seems to feel over this.

“George Lucas had the idea for Star Wars for a long time and while he was making the first film he had already figured out a lot of the backstory and what happened before it. But because he wasn’t sure it wouldn’t completely flop he waited to make the others after the success was already certain of the three first films.”

The room’s silent and Kyle’s looking at him like he’s slightly insane.

“Okay, you asked.” Alex says, his cheeks only heating a little.

“Yeah, no, okay that was totally on me. I did ask.”

Alex replies by chucking a Cheetos at his face and Kyle’s reflexes kick in and he catches it mid air. He looks proud and Alex just rolls his eyes. 

“Okay, are you sure you want to spend the afternoon watching Star Wars of all things? I’m sure I can find something that you’d actually enjoy.”

“Nope, I’m certain.” Alex relents and puts on episode IV. He’s having a little bit of a hard time  believing this whole to be fair but whatever if Kyle doesn’t want to talk about it then he’s not going to push him. 

Alex lasts about 40 minutes of munching snacks and drinking Coke like he’s 15 again, and a part of him enjoys it because he doesn’t have to think about…...things……. but he’s been living by his own motto when it comes to everyone which is that he left bullshit in Iraq. He sighs and presses pause.

“Hey, that Luke person was just about to do some training with the erm stick….oooo lightsaber, why did you turn it off?”

Alex is surprised Kyle actually seems to have grasped what is going on.

“The fact that you’re keeping up tells me this is serious enough that we need to have a conversation.”

Kyle’s eyes widens and he slumps down in his seat and crosses his arms.

“Are you pouting like a child??”

“No.” The tone is so petulant Alex laughs.

“Come on, what’s going on? I’m trying to be a friend now. For real totally trying.” Kyle grimaces

“I’d rather watch Luke Skytalker.”

“Walker.”

“Yeah, whatever, I’d rather watch him and Han Solo save Carrie Fisher.”

“Princess Leia, also you know who Carrie Fisher is?”

“Of course I know who she is, I was a jock but I wasn’t blind.”

Alex can buy that.

“Nope, we’re still talking.”

Kyle sighs and lies down completely on the couch. 

“Okay, well the other day was definitely weird. I’ve been avoiding Liz because, well I am struggling a little bit with having to deal with her choosing Max and me doing her every bidding which is clearly not healthy so I went to this gay bar just to get away a little from everything and I ran into Isobel. Now I like Isobel, and we danced and had a good time and then we were totally gonna sleep with each other but I chickened out because I kind of like this other girl so I went back to the hospital to see if she was still around only to find out that she was in surgery, all alone without telling me anything…. and I’ve been feeling kind of off since.” He rambles on.

“Wait, did you just tell me you went to a gay bar?” Alex cannot believe this. Kyle groans and hides his face.

“My hopes were that you would hyper focus on me and Isobel almost sleeping together rather than the gay bar part.”

“Oh you and Isobel almost sleeping together that doesn’t surprise me one bit to be honest. I thought it would happen sooner than this.”

“....what?” Kyle shouts.

“But you, Kyle ‘Hyper Masculine’ Valenti went to a gay bar?”

“Can we focus on the other parts of the story?”

“No, definitely not.”

“Ugh, well I’m very comfortable in myself and my sexuality thank you very much but even us straight guys enjoy putting glitter on our faces from time to time.”

“Oh my god.” Alex laughs, loving this. “You had glitter on your face?”

“Totally.”

“Please tell me you have pictures.”

“Sorry.”

“Well that’s just a crime, you went to a gay bar with glitter on your face and didn’t take any photos?”

“You can just come with me next time and see.”

“Honestly I might, it sounds very tempting.” Alex jokes and Kyle smiles. 

“Back to the issue please.”

“What is the issue exactly?”

“I don’t even know, I like Steff and I thought we had something going on. But now I’m worried about her too, and then the whole Isobel thing and it’s all just messed with my head.”

“I don’t mean to make it into a competition over who’s had a worse day out of the two of us, but I honestly think I win.” Alex says without thinking. His eyes widen and he shakes his head.

“No I mean nothing by that.”

“Pfft, you left bullshit in Iraq, well I left bullshit in high school, so what’s going on? I’m only going to assume it has something to do with you staying in bed like a teenager to 1pm.”

“I can’t believe I’m about to tell you this... Well I went with Maria to find out more information about her mom’s disappearance and we ended up in the middle of nowhere with this crazy guy who stabbed me in the chest and chased Maria through a cornfield. Michael came later too, but Maria had already disabled the guy by then and I was mostly fine. Then we find out the crazy guy has a twin who is well, not crazy and shoots his brother in front of us and tells us to call an ambulance and then get the hell out of there. Which we do and then after coming down from the adrenaline of almost dying well, I have a threesome with Maria and Michael….”

Kyle spits the soda out. 

“What the fuck?!”

“So I win then?”

“Oh totally, but also what the fuck? You had what now? A threesome?”

“Yeah.” Alex runs a hand through his hair and avoids looking at Kyle. 

“But you’re gay.”

“Yeah definitely.”

“Erm so why? I mean not that I’m against threesomes, you do you if you know what I mean. I am however having a little bit of trouble understanding why you slept with the love of your life and your best friend in this world?”

Alex tries not to flinch at the words because he’s kind of tried to stay in denial about the whole goddamn thing and when it’s put in the terms of love of your life and best friend in the whole world it sound really stupid.

He shrugs.

“I just… I just… I don’t know I didn’t want to be alone after everything that had just happened. I mean getting stabbed is not something that’s ever happened to me. It wasn’t exactly common when I was deployed so getting sneaked up on and then assaulted wasn’t something I wanted to go home to an empty house with. I have enough PTSD already and that was just doomed to set of insomnia for a while. So staying was better than leaving and then one thing led to another.”

“Wow man...that’s tough. How are you feeling?”

“How often do you think I end up sleeping to 1pm?”

“So, is this one of those instances where I have to go beat Michael up?”

Despite all it makes Alex smile. He feels grateful for Kyle.

“No it wasn’t his fault. And also we’re not in high school anymore, I could totally take the both of you on even with just one leg.”

“Yeah that’s definitely true. Well you say the word and I will drive over and drag him out the junkyard myself.”

Alex smiles again.

“Thanks, but no need.”

“So you’re not angry?”

“No no, not angry, I just…”

“He chose Maria again?”

Alex wonders if it’s all written on his face and that’s why Kyle seems to be able to read it all.

“No it’s not really that. I just. I feel anger towards my dad sometimes. Because he fucked me up so badly when I was young.”

“Hey hey, there’s nothing wrong with you.” 

Kyle puts his hand down between them on the sofa, leaving it there for Alex to take if he wants to. He exhales.

“I went to therapy after I lost my leg. It’s the first time I went. I should have gone way earlier because my pile of issues were huge even before I lost it. I was forced to go when I lost my leg, because even then I was convinced I didn’t need help. Because going to therapy is the weakest thing a man can do. That’s what I heard on repeat in my head when I was being wheeled into her office a month after the truck had exploded with me in it. It was his voice saying, “You’re weak Alex, you’re weak” over and over again…”

Kyle doesn’t say anything, Alex has turned his head away, staring in the opposite wall so he doesn’t have to look at Kyle’s face. 

But…

He does take Kyle’s offer up on support and grabs his hand on the couch in reassurance. Kyle grips it tightly and Alex continues.

“We didn’t really talk too much about my life before the Air Force. She was a good therapist, she really was but I wasn’t really there to unpack the trauma of having all my self worth being beaten out of me by my father, so we didn’t. Which is why, now that I’m back here that the things that happened before I enlisted have just been pushed away and undealt with for years. Which is not the ideal way of dealing with issues. They are all just being dragged back up again and I keep going in circles around it. So sleeping with Maria and Michael really wasn’t the solution to anything, but I’m not sure it made anything worse either.”

Kyle grasps his hand again encouraging him to go on. 

“Michael’s the only person I’ve ever had any sort of relationship with, the only person I’ve ever really wanted to be with too but when we met I was young and the issues had only just begun. Michael had his own set of problems too and while I am definitely guilty in how things went down between us then and now I still even now, I just…”

He starts scratching at a loose thread on the sofa, just to have something to do. 

“Love always comes with some sort of conditions. That’s all thanks to my dad… I can’t escape the feeling of every time I let myself be vulnerable something is going to happen that ruins it. That I’m not good enough or that I’m not loveable because I am who I am… I don’t like myself at times because my dad drilled that into me, that I am unlovable, and if I don’t love myself how is anyone else supposed to? I never feel secure either, in myself or any partner. It’s just a big mess tangled together.”

Alex takes breath and bites down the tears. Even talking about it is really hard for him. 

“I love Maria as a friend, but I guess she’s just had this ability to make me feel safe where no one else has, not even Michael. And it isn’t Michael’s fault really, because he didn’t know what I needed, how could he? I didn’t even know at the time… I just know that after what happened between us that it’s time to move on, move forward and demand better for myself. I just want more than what I’ve been given before…”

“Wow, I really should have brought alcohol shouldn’t I?”

Alex chuckles watery and looks over at Kyle who looks like he’s been hiding his own tears.

Ugh, not really how he planned for this day to go. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to put all that on you.” He clears his throat in embarrassment.

Kyle looks annoyed and pulls on Alex’s arm. He doesn’t understand but moves closer to Kyle. When he’s close enough Kyle wraps his arms around him and Alex is stunned into silence.

“Don’t ever apologize to me Alex. Especially not for something like this, okay?”

Alex nods silently and for a moment allows himself be held. After a while he distangles himself and moves away. Kyle lets him. 

“So, are you and Michael over then, for good?”

Alex takes a long moment before he replies.

“I always had this idea that we would end up together, but after everything I honestly don’t know any more. If I live long enough then maybe yeah in the future. But not for a while. I need some time to figure out who I am.”

“Okay, well even so, even after what you and Michael have been through, however bad it was at times it would make some sense too if you wanted to give yourself some time to mourn him and whatever you had together. If you don’t then that hole in your chest might just expand forever.” He says softly. Alex gulps and sighs, refusing to cry again.

“Y-yeah.”

They’re both quiet for a while, Alex just sitting with what he’s come to terms with.

“So, more Star Wars?” Alex nods and jumps on the distraction Kyle offers. He opens up a package of Maryland cookies and munches them down.

All this food is looking more and more like comfort food to him.

…….

Two films later Kyle is laying on the floor, crumbs on his chest and his head in his phone trying to figure out tiktok dances. Alex has taken up the whole couch and he feels drunk. He probably is going through a sugar high because his whole body is buzzing with energy.

“I can’t remember the last time I had this much sugar.” He groans and eats an M&M.

“Me neither.” Kyle is definitely looking way to concentrated on that tiktok thing.

“Kyle you’re almost thirty, are you sure there isn’t an age limit on the app?”

“Shut up.” Kyle mutters but puts the phone down. Alex snort and throws some popcorn at him.

“Do you have any food around?” 

Alex shrugs, he has no clue. Kyle groans but gets up and walks into the kitchen. He’s wearing a pair of Alex’s sweatpants that are way too small for him, but the day spent eating just junk food, the jeans he arrived in had long gone been discarded of. Kyle bangs about in the kitchen for a while and Alex doesn’t move because he’s kind of comfortable where he is.

“You have pizza, that will do.” Kyle declares and comes back out with the stack of DVDs that had been left in there earlier.

“So you pick something. I need something other than the force, lightsabers and aliens. I feel like we should both be done with aliens for the night.”

“Then why did you bring Infinity War?”

“What? I like that film.”

“God who are you?”

“What? It’s really good, also Captain America is inspiring.”

“Patriotism and steroids your thing Valenti?”

“Funny, no, well you know what he’s actually pretty hot and he’s workout routine is impressive as hell.”

“Honestly, I’m more into Robert Downey JR. and that man is over 50.” Alex quips back. Kyle looks thoughtful.

“Nah, still digging Chris Evans more.”

“I mean blondes were never my type.”

“Yeah that much is clear.” Kyle snorts. Alex throws some more popcorn at him and Kyle whacks him with a pillow.

They end up watching Legally Blonde instead and this is definitely one of the strangest days Alex’s ever had. But it’s also kind of the best ones he’s ever had too, not that he’s letting Kyle know that of course.

It gets late, way after 2am and Alex is not cruel enough that he is going to let Kyle drive home at that time.

“Okay, I’ll stay but I am taking the couch.” Kyle says. Alex scoffs.

“Don’t be ridiculous, this couch is really uncomfortable, it will mess up your posture for sure.” Kyle eyes it suspiciously.

“My bed is big enough for two.”

“Are you sure?” Kyle looks uncertain.

“I’m sure.” Alex says reassuringly. 

So, they end up sharing a bed just like they used to do when they were kids and things were good and normal between them. Also Alex’s bed is definitely big enough for the two of them. He invested in this bed when he decided to stay here long term. He’s spent too many years of his life sleeping in uncomfortable beds that he’s done with that forever. So he had splashed out on this because he deserved it. And he was nearing 30, his back definitely deserved it.

“This reminds me of us as kids.” Kyle says later when they are comfortable. Ales chuckles.

“Yeah same, I hope you’re not still a snorer.”

“I haven’t snored a day in my life.”

“That’s definitely a lie and you know it.”

Kyle laughs and fake snores. Alex snorts at the ridiculousness of it all.

He falls asleep feeling a little better though.

……..

At 4:30 am they are abruptly woken up by someone knocking on his door.

“What the fuck?!” Kyle groans. Alex doesn’t even turn over, instead he starts poking Kyle’s arm. He refuses to get up. Kyle groans some more but after a while he gives in and leaves.

Alex is so tired he doesn’t even listen for who it is. That’s a mistake.

The person who has decided to come disturb him at this god forsaken hour appears to be Isobel, and her voice is loud. 

“Oh my god Kyle, you left the bar a changed man I see. I can’t believe you slept with Alex.”

Alex sits up immediately, as quick as he can with just his one leg and pulls the duvet up to cover himself. Her eyes trail over him and Alex brains clicks into action because that’s definitely what this looks like to an outsider. Kyle comes running in, his hair a mess, shirtless and still looking half asleep.

“That’s definitely not what happened.” He says, Isobel narrows her eyes.

“Well it’s not really any of my business. I hope you used protection.” She sits down on the bed and Alex doesn’t understand what is happening because Isobel and him are definitely not close, and for her to sit down on the bed like she knows him is strange as hell. 

“What are you doing here Isobel?” He asks.

“Oh, well we’ve been trying to get in contact with both of you for hours, but none of you have been replying. You usually answer when Michael or Maria calls but you dodged those too, which is strange but whatever.”

Alex honestly doesn’t even know where his phone is, he hadn’t looked at it all day yesterday, so he definitely has no clue what has been going on in the life of people outside this house.

“But after everything that happened I felt like being nice and charitable and drive all the way over here. I also thought you’d be up by now Captain, doesn’t your day start at 5 normally?”

Normally yeah, he might be up by this time, but not when he’s consumed his own weight in sugar and gone to bed late while dealing with things, then he doesn’t.

“So I’m charity now?” He says instead.

“Something like that, come on let’s get going. Chop Chop.”

“What happened?” Kyle asks.

“Max remembers something, from a dream maybe. Alarming things, so come one. I’ll buy you two coffee on the way there.” 

She blows a kiss at Kyle and leaves the room. Kyle gives him a look at Alex sighs.

Yep, no rest in Roswell, that’s for sure.

[itscoldoutsidefilmsthings]

A 3rd year film festival retrospective.

Scumdance (Reno’s premiere underground film festival) has just completed its third year.  As such, this would probably be a good time for a little retrospective and as the festival’s sole proprietor/curator I would be glad to let a little light shine into the inner workings of what it takes to start a film festival, what it takes to keep it running, why I do this in the first place, and the lessons learned along the way.

How did we get here?  In late 2016 I was having conversations with friends, co-workers, bandmates and fellow film nerds about how there was real lack of local film festivals geared towards horror, exploitation, underground, B-movie, etc. types of films.  At the time our band’s practice space was in a warehouse on the edge of town where a loose artist’s community of sorts had taken shape.  Pottery studios, sculpture gardens, graffiti murals, custom hot-rod builders, welding shops, theaters, antique dealers and so much more was all happening in this row of warehouses. One particular spot became hugely inspirational. Next door to our practice space was an event location (for lack of a better term) called the Black Rock Drive-In.  A novelties collector had taken several old cars cut them down, installed benches within and parked them in front of a movie screen like an old-time drive-in movie theater, complete with a western setting sun mural painted on the warehouse’s interior. Combine this with his collection of Airstream trailers, mid-century furniture and appliances, and WWII memorabilia and you had the makings of a great film set.  

Standing outside that warehouse on a chilly evening, post band practice, and musing with our bass player Perry Disgrace, the thought was born… “We should totally put on a mondo-bizzaro film day with crazy movies and bands and just throw a party.” In the true DIY spirit of punk rock, the idea was born and efforts were put in place to manifest this reality.  When mentioning the idea to co-worker and fellow film nerd Gilbert Leiker, he responded “You should call it Scumdance and have the skanking guy from the Circle Jerks albums carrying a camera.”  Boom. Done. Within 20 minutes I had the logo and artwork in place.  I have a habit of taking ideas and running with them, even if they are not my own.  As Pablo Picasso is reported to have said “good artists borrow, great artists steal”… most likely he “borrowed” this from T.S. Eliot.  

As for the details of what it takes to put on a film festival, it’s honestly not all that hard. All you need is a laptop, a projector, a screen, a sound system of some sort, some chairs, a venue, a Film Freeway account and a website.  Having submitted a good number of my short films to a variety of film festivals and having received all manner of rejection (more on that later), the drive to experience critical evaluation of films from the other side was also a strong motivator in bringing this festival about. I already had a website devoted to my filmmaking endeavors. Adding a page listing the event details and linking it to a Film Freeway account was straight forward.  Acquiring the necessary hardware and physical assets was just a matter of pooling resources and gathering items that I already had. The matter of finding a venue has at times proved challenging. The aforementioned Black Rock Drive-In closed. Our favorite dive-bar, in which we hosted the event’s first year, has closed.  Finding the right venue that has a bar, allows outside food to be brought in, while having the right mix of size, space, seating and availability hasn’t been easy; but we have been fortunate enough to work with some fantastic bar owners who have been very accommodating.

The festival itself, wouldn’t be what it is without the amazing filmmakers who have submitted some truly incredible films and the ever enthusiastic judges. The panel of judges was built from a pool of friends some of whom I’ve worked with on previous film projects, some just having shown an overwhelming interest in film and some asked to join the panel after having submitted to previous year’s festivals. It is this last group with whom I am most excited to work.

So why would anyone do this? It’s a question I ask myself every year. Does it pay off when you consider: The countless hours spent watching, rating, and reviewing the films; scheduling a date, finding and coordinating with the venue ,updating FF and the website, attending local meetings to be included in Reno’s Arttown, writing press releases to be distributed on horror sites, selecting the films,  sending out acceptance and rejection letters, scheduling a run of show, setting up all the equipment, running the festival,  bringing food and snacks?   By the time I finish up the event I find myself exhausted.  It wouldn’t seem that sitting in dark room watching movies all day would be that taxing, but mentally, and emotionally it takes a toll… hoping nothing goes wrong technically, hoping that everyone (or at least most attendees) find something enjoyable in the films, hoping that the venue owner and bar staff are not completely annoyed with the films and are making a decent amount of tips, and hoping that there is enough attendance to make it all worthwhile.  While it might be “easy” to put on a festival, putting on a quality festival takes effort. That’s effort I’m willing to put in.  I want to make it the kind of thing I would be delighted to attend.

Of the benefits that come from running a festival, the number one has to be the relationships established.  This is the reason we make films in the first place. It’s all about human connection.  As I was saying above it has become our practice to ask previous year’s submitters to become next year’s judges.  George Sukara, a producer from a film submitted in the first year (HELL! The musical), has become an instrumental part of the festival. His critical insights in judging and undying support have been phenomenal.  It was great to have him at the festival, hosting one of the Q&A sessions, and bringing with him a crew of folks from San Francisco.  One of the other connections made that first year was a gentleman by the name of Michael Joy who brought us a film (Red Christmas) with Dee Wallace of Kujo fame. I’ve been working with Michael on spreading the word about Scumdance through his connections with Artsploitation Films and Horrornews.net.  The second year brought us some great filmmakers from Canada and Indiana, in Grace Mathisen and Adam Laughlin respectively.  Their films were superb, and it was great to have them there in person. They too have gone on to become valued Scumdance judges.  This last year, brought us filmmakers from Toronto, Houston, and Los Angeles.   The Audience favorite, Llamageddon (it’s exactly as it sounds) was written and directed by a young woman who was going by the name “Howie Dewin.”  Her astonishment at winning overrode even her astonishment at being entered in the festival at all (apparently someone on her production team entered the film without telling her as a fun prank).   Even after having a breakfast coffee and a decently long discussion with her, I never did find out her real name. We’ll be stoked to have her as part of the judging staff next year, that is if she responds to her “howiedewin” email.

One of the other great benefits of running a festival (or being a judge) is the experience gained by viewing so may films, of all quality levels.  You learn all the things not to do when making a film.  You see time and again, the overused tropes, the stock and often pointless dialogue, the desire to shock without attention to narrative, and films that are far, far longer than they need to be.   After all this one quickly gains an appreciation for audible dialogue, well thought out story lines, character development, motivated camera movement, inspired score/soundtrack, and tightly edited scenes.

Another wonderful discovery has been the insight into cultures and communities throughout the world that one would not have accessed otherwise.  It has been amazing to see films submitted from the US, Canada, The Netherlands, India, the UK, Austria, Iran, Italy, Mexico, and even Belgium.  In particular the films we receive from Iran have been nothing short of mind blowing. There is something so special about those films.  They tend to be intensely creative, original, inspiring, and chock full of touching humanity in a way that almost makes me reluctant to place them amidst our other less wholesome faire. Also of note, are the LGBT films we receive.  This year we had a film dedicated to trans-persons from Nepal, that was a rare insight into portions of the world not ordinarily seen.

As previously promised, I think it’s worth mentioning the feedback process.  One common thing that I noticed from festivals I was submitting to, was a lack of quality feedback.  For way too many festivals, it doesn’t seem they could even be bothered to change the judging status on Film Freeway… or if they did, it wouldn’t be changed until well after the event date.   For other festivals, they would change the status and send out the standard generic rejection emails. While they were intended to soften to the blow of rejection, they would do little to inform or provide one with any sense as to what could have been improved on the film…. no information on what exactly about the film caused it to fall short of the mark.   It was with this experience in mind that I personally made the decision to include judge’s commentary in both the acceptance and rejection letters. I feel it’s the least we can do to provide the filmmaker with meaningful feedback.

This decision has mostly been met with appreciation, but in some cases the feedback was viewed as “arrogant, presumptuous, and dismissive.”  I can certainly understand how after spending the enormous amount of time, energy and effort that it takes to make a film how one would be incredibly protective of the work.  One exchange with an initially upset but later apologetic filmmaker, gave me clear cause to stop and think about my intentions and motivations. Was I intentionally levelling overly harsh criticism against those who submitted to my film festival, as a way of feeling superior for the failings of my own films? It’s certainly something I need to be cognizant of going forward.  In the future, I hope to continue providing the judges commentary, but will most likely do so after an explicit opt-in scenario.

In regard to my own films, I’ve come to realize with much more clarity than ever that my films were being rejected for completely valid reasons.  I’ve seen what it takes to make a good film and the number one rule is to be entertaining.   In the age of short attention spans and a bajillion choices, it’s difficult (but more important) than ever to gain and hold someone’s attention.

So what’s next for Scumdance?  One exciting possibility discussed with the San Francisco crew is the idea of taking Scumdance on the road.  Perhaps we select the best films from the past 3 years and do a screening in SF or LA.   At some point it would be nice to get Scumdance into a proper movie theater as well, a but the lack of any historical or art house theater in Reno limits our options.  Another exciting possibility is the idea of bringing in a real host… someone with real entertainment value... someone like the subject of this year’s winning documentary, the Phantom Troublemaker.

Of course, I couldn’t do this without the love and support of my wonderful wife Amelia. In all it’s been a great experience that has promoted growth in me as a filmmaker and as a person. It’s been the impetus to build meaningful relationships that I otherwise would not have done and has given me cause to provide much needed exposure to small films.  This is something I want to keep doing, while growing the festival in organic and manageable ways.

Viva Le Scumdance!

Travis Calvert

[lifeisdabubbles-undersalmondean]

La Pomme ~ Chapter 12

Pairing: Sam x OC (eventual Dean x OC and Dean x Castiel. And I mean eventual.)

Series summary: George is a casual French-Mistake-universe Supernatural fan living in no-COVID 2020, who's life is upended when she's suddenly launched between realities, two years into the boys' past (S13E22). What begins as an insane, immersive fan experience turns into more when Jack goes missing and George offers up her AU information to help track him down. Soon it's discovered that she and Sam may actually have history. But that's impossible, right?

Word Count: 5,500

Warnings: {smut, fluff, angst, show level violence, swearing, mentions of suicide} ***Detailed warnings will be tagged for specific chapters.

A/N: Following the events of my prequel Paradise and second story From My Eyes Off. Reading those first gives context but isn’t necessary to start this one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

George was lounging in the warm bath water, trying to use breathing exercises to clear her mind and calm herself. It had been a long day, capping off a long almost-month inside the Supernatural Universe. There were so many questions she couldn't answer and she wished she could turn her brain off; focus on anything else.

"George?" She heard Dean's muffled call from the other side of the bathroom door. "You OK in there?"

"Yea," She answered quietly. "Just humiliated," She added with an eye roll.

"Don't sweat it," Came his unusually sympathetic reply. "We've all been there, or somewhere similar… or somewhere worse," He added off handedly, taking another bite of pie. It occurred to him suddenly that the two of them were alone and Dean had a thought. After a moment's hesitation, he swallowed his bite of pie and called timidly, "George?"

"Yea?" She responded curiously, her voice raised slightly to compensate for the sound barrier. There was such a long pause with no answer that she wondered if it had just been her imagination. As she was about to call out again, she heard him finally.

"Can I ask you something?" Came an inquiry so quiet she almost didn't hear it. He sounded uncharacteristically troubled and… nervous?

"Yea, sure," She answered gently.

"What do you know about Michael?"

"Michael who?" Came her quick, confused reply.

"The archangel? Asshole that's been wearing me as a suit the last few weeks?" She was suddenly reminded of the fact that she was living inside of a TV show and it stunned her into silence. "That Michael? Has he not been on the show or...?" The nervous huff in his reply shook her out of her stupor. She realized this must be a hard topic for him. Unfortunately, though, she didn't have any insight to give.

"Oh fuck, right, Michael," She swallowed and gathered her thoughts before replying with a sigh, "I'm sorry, Dean, I don't really know much. I hadn't started this season yet," She finished apologetically.

"Thanks," Came a sarcastic reply.

She frowned and defended, "Look, I have a life, dude! I get behind, I can't always tune in every Thursday! Trust me, no one is more sorry about that than me right now. Maybe if I had, I could have done something to prevent this insane situation." A heavy sigh dotted the end of her sentence pointedly. Then she had a strange, disconcerting thought:

Would you really have prevented this from happening if you had a choice?

The thought startled her and she guiltily refused to answer herself.

A welcome distraction for her was noticing the silence that followed her answer to Dean; George could tell he was still concerned. Reaching over and grabbing the door handle, she cracked it just enough to spy Dean sitting on the edge of the mattress, holding a take out box. He glanced at her almost imperceptibly and she could tell her eyes weren't exactly welcome, so she turned her head away but left the door open.

"Here's what I've heard/seen on accident," She started, pausing to think and then saying carefully, "He comes back somehow," She heard him bristle but kept going, "And you do something to trap him. Some kind of box… or maybe a walk-in freezer?" She was trying to organize the spoilers she'd seen and identify what was related to Michael and what wasn't. "I know that doesn't make a lot of sense and I'm sorry, but that's all I've got."

Dean sighed and shrugged, "It's alright, George. I'm just… feeling lost. Was hoping for some clues, but it's not on you to save my bacon." George gave a wry smile to the bath water and sat quietly for a moment.

Finally she turned her head to look at him and asked, "You want to know what I do know, Dean?"

Slowly, he turned to look at her with an intrigued eyebrow, "I don't know, do I?"

With an amused eye roll she spoke, "I know this--right now--this story line with alternate Michael? It's two seasons behind where you and your brother end up in my reality. And--at least as far as I remember--this alternate Michael isn't a starring role for very long."

Dean furrowed his eyebrows at her in consideration, "Meaning?"

She shrugged and offered, "Meaning, you figure this out. Like you always do. You will figure this out and you will beat Michael and be onto the next big bad, whomever that is. Which, don't even ask because I really have no idea. Haven't watched those seasons at all yet… I think there's one episode where you meet Scooby Doo?"

Dean smirked and rolled his eyes, telling her matter-of-factly, "We already did that."

"No shit?! That already happened?" When he nodded in confirmation George 'ughed' loudly, rolling her eyes, "Damnit, that must have been one of the ones I just watched. What was it like?! Was Shaggy really high? Was Daphne really hot? Was Scooby just adorable?!"

Dean chuckled and answered, "Uh, yes, hell yes, and duh! It's Scooby Doo! Of course he's adorable!"

"Was it weird to be animated?"

He shrugged a little, "Eh, kin-"

She cut him off with a gasp, "Wait! Was all of you animated, like.. did you have all your-"

He shook his head and proclaimed, "That's none of your business!"

"Sorry!" George apologized defensively, then begged, "Tell me you and Daphne-"

"George!" Dean admonished with feigned offense, "I don't kiss and tell."

She scoffed and guessed, "Struck out, huh?"

Dean frowned and simply said, "Her and Fred are an item. I didn't want to break that up," to which George laughed in disbelief.

"Yea, I got it. I think things are starting to come back to me now," George teased him and he shrugged in defeat, unable to deny the fact that he definitely struck out with Daphne. When her laughter died away, she looked at him again and said, "I'm sorry I can't be more of a help. I know, I know, it's not my job to save you but that doesn't mean I enjoy not being able to." They were quiet again for a minute and she sighed, "If I could just call Ryan."

"Who's he?"

"She is my Winchester Wiki," She explained very matter of factly and Dean stared at her with an annoyed expression. With a smile she continued, "She's my friend and she's also a fan of the show; Got me back into it later in life and, well lets just say, she pays closer attention than I do. She'd be able to help you with this whole Michael problem without breaking a sweat. Oh and she's gorgeous," George tossed on and Dean raised a curious eyebrow. She caught his curious expression and asked, "You don't happen to have a phone with trans-universal long distance coverage by chance?"

Dean snorted and shook his head in bemused defeat, "Not on me." He was frustrated that she didn't have more insight on Michael, though somewhat comforted by the fact that-at least in her reality-he wasn't dead yet. That was something, he guessed.

"So," George smirked at him, glee in her eyes, "American's Next Top Model, hmm?"

"What, are you surprised? A house full of attractive models?" Dean gave her an obvious expression.

She shark-mouthed understandably and nodded, "Fair point. Allison cycle 12? Ooof. Hello!"

Dean considered her assessment for a moment, then nodded agreeably but offered, "Mercedes, cycle 2."

George had to remember who that was for a minute but then nodded emphatically, "Yes! Gorgeous and she was good. She ended up top three, right?"

They compared notes for a few minutes, until he finished the last bite of pie in the container he was holding. Then he whipped out his phone and muttered in her direction, "Finish your bath. I'm gonna text Sam for more towels."

When Sam got the text he snagged a pile from a housekeeping cart on their way back to George's room. They had also stopped by the car and brought up a few bags, per his request. Dean carefully handed George the towels through the bathroom door, so as to not accidentally see any bits, and then turned to Sam for a room update.

"Bad news: no adjoining rooms. The best I could do was five doors down. Even more bad news: only one queen bed." Sam held up the room key with a feigned wince. "But listen, I don't think we should leave George alone, so I'll just crash on the floor in here and you can take the room."

"Wow, what a sacrifice," Dean chuckled knowingly at his brother and snatched the key from him. "Shouldn't we have Cas handle it, though?"

"No, why?" Sam protested a little too fast.

"Because he doesn't need sleep. He can keep an eye on the little deserter. Make sure she doesn't do it again?"

Sam frowned, "She's not going to. And if she does, I think I can handle it. How is she supposed to get any sleep with Cas staring at her all night?"

"I don't stare at people when they sleep," Cas interrupted. With a huff he clarified, "I stare at the wall."

Dean looked at the offended angel and shrugged, "It's not that bad. He's quiet. Honestly, it's kind of comforting when you think about it." There was an awkward pause and Dean added, "Sometimes he'll sing for you if you ask nice-"

"Dean," Castiel admonished him for sharing something so intimate. Cas only did that for him.

Sam looked between the two of their sheepish faces and then assured sarcastically, "Yea, a singing angel staring at the wall in the dark. Totally not creepy."

George came out of the bathroom wrapped in the clean towels from Dean. She was now looking a little sheepish as well, "Hey, sorry about earlier. All of it. I jus-"

"Ah, ah, ah!" Dean held up a hand to her. "Save it for the morning. You can spill your guts over breakfast. We couldn't get adjoining rooms, so Cas and I will be just down the hall; Sam will stay with you tonight. On the floor," He said pointedly with a 'behave' look toward Sam, who rolled his eyes in irritation. George nodded, barely listening, and let out a tired sigh.

Then she had a startling thought and groaned, "Shit. I'm going to have to put those crusty clothes back on."

Dean grinned proudly, "You're not the only one with surprise gifts." He took the bags that Sam and Cas had retrieved from the car and set them down on the wooden table.

"What's this?" She asked, grabbing one of the handles and peeking into the bag where she spotted the Friends logo hoodie she'd picked out at Target. "My clothes? My deodorant?! Oh Dean! Thank you so much! I would kiss you but you have pie like… all over your face, but thank you!" As she dug into the bags to search for the PJs, Dean looked questioningly at Sam and Cas who nodded in confirmation.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Dean grumbled, moving over to the sink to wipe his face. Sam shrugged in feigned innocence, laughing internally at his idiot brother.

"How did you get all the clothes I picked?" She asked, impressed.

"We got lucky; Sam happened to hear one of the employees complaining about a nutty woman who'd run from the store like a bat outta hell and abandoned all her stuff," Dean gave her a pointed stare.

She looked first at Sam, and then Cas and Dean, with immense gratitude, "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Her spirits had been lifted a little. The fresh underwear alone was going to make her feel a thousand times better.

"They mentioned they'd already put back one or two items when we asked about it, so hopefully we got the right replacements." Sam warned her.

"I don't care! I can apply deodorant and brush my teeth; I'm sure I can put together at least one clean outfit with what's here! So I'm hap-" She suddenly stopped and froze, having discovered a strange item in one of the bags. "Wha?" In one swift motion she pulled out a pale pink lace bodysuit and held it up for them to see. With an annoyed, yet curious expression she looked at Dean and asked, "Someone care to explain this?"

Dean held his hands up in innocence and Sam inspected the garment in confusion.

"It looked nice on the mannequin and the Target associate who helped me pick it out said it was bold, yet feminine. Perfect for the new woman in my life," Castiel happily explained, sounding as though he was reciting someone else's words.

George blushed a bit, looking at Sam and Dean like 'is he for real?', unsure how to respond. Both men shrugged unhelpfully, avoiding eye contact with the item she was still holding, and remained quiet. Cas seemed so proud, she didn't want to ruin it.

Finally, she stuttered out, "Wow. OK, well… thanks. Very thoughtful of you, Castiel…"

"If you wanted to provide me with your exact measurements, the sales associate offered to help me pick out a 'matching bra and panty se'-"

"OK, why don't we quit while we're ahead, eh Buddy?" Dean grabbed up four of the remaining takeout boxes and motioned for Cas to do the same. He then reached for the pink, lacey material in George's hand, jokingly trying to take it from her.

She swatted him with it and held it out of his reach, "Hey! You're the old woman in his life."

He couldn't help but laugh in response, though he shook his head in annoyance, and then headed out the door with the angel in tow, "See you crazy kids in the morning!"

When they left George looked at Sam curiously, "Is it wrong that I kind of want to give Cas 'my measurements' and then watch him try to pick out lingerie?"

Sam smirked in amusement but nodded, "Yes."

"Oh, you're no fun," George chuckled and tossed the teddy back into the bag.

"Perhaps the wrong audience?" He suggested with a chuckle.

"Yea, that's fair," She agreed. While she rifled through the bags and grabbed out some black PJ pants, a light blue, short sleeved t-shirt, and a pair of underwear, Sam watched her quietly. To say he was relieved to find her safe and unharmed was an understatement. He'd also been thrilled by her admission that she liked it here, but, like Cas, he was curious what it meant. And what it could mean for him.

Does she like it enough to stay maybe? He cursed at himself for even thinking it.

"Uh, George?" He finally pushed through the nerves and forced himself to speak.

"Hmm?" She responded curiously, not looking up from her bags just yet.

He tried to adopt a nonchalant, yet comforting tone and asked, "When you were saying earlier that you felt… comfortable here? Like you belong? What did you mean?"

Pausing her rummaging, she glanced over at him, caught off guard by the question. Truthfully, she didn't know if she could answer it. She was quiet for a long time, trying to decide how deep she wanted to get into this.

Finally, she turned to him and said, "Back home I… I've always had this strange, out of place feeling. Major dysphoria my whole life and kinda irritatingly painful too, like... full body restless leg syndrome. I've always imagined it similar to how a trans individual might experience feeling like they were born in the wrong body, ya know?" Sam made a noise of confirmation and she continued, "Except, my body is fine--well, it's not the cause of this problem anyway," they chuckled together.

"It's more… my whole being was wrong somehow, like I didn't belong. Anywhere. I had trouble connecting with people and making friends; even my own family seemed so different from me. I felt like I was on a different wavelength than other people, and not in a snooty, I'm-better-than-anybody way but like a sad, I-have-hardly-any-friends-because-I-can't-relate way, so it sucked. Hard. My family wasn't much help; though they tried to help by testing me for every 'disorder' you could think of. Nada. I was just… inexplicably different and no one could explain why. I could barely explain what I was feeling. They--my parents--were surprisingly relieved when I came out after college. For them, my 'struggle with the fact that I liked boys and girls throughout my childhood' explained everything away so perfectly, that they wrote it off right then and there. But it never had to do with that; my sexuality was nothing I ever struggled with, I just didn't feel like I needed to tell them. And since I'm still queer in this reality..." She trailed off her point, allowing him to fill in the blanks, with a chuckle.

Sam nodded with a sympathetic smile, clearly reading on her face how painful her experience had been. Gently he asked, "And now, being here, i-in this reality, you feel...?"

Her head tilted to the side and, looking at him wide-eyed, she sighed deeply, "Now? God, now, I feel… normal? Or, at least what I can only assume normal people feel like." Suddenly her voice was heavy with deep emotional relief, "I don't know how to explain it… and I don't know why, maybe I don't even care why, but I feel so good for the first time in forever. Emotionally, spiritually, physically... The constant restless buzzing is mercifully just gone. Sometimes I think I feel it again--that terrible, agonizing discomfort--and my heart skips a beat. But then my brain registers that it really is gone and I still feel good! And that feeling is almost better than the best sex I've ever had."

Sam shark-mouthed in surprised appreciation and teased kindly, "So, I guess you did know how to explain it?"

George let out the breath she hadn't realized she was holding with a chuckle and nodded, "Yea, I guess so. Honestly, I'm a little scared to go back," A few tears that had welled up as she was proselytizing spilled down her cheeks uncontrollably and she reached up to wipe them away, blushing lightly.

As George contemplated her admission in the silence, the guilt she felt over leaving them earlier was back. Why the hell did she leave if she'd felt so damn good here? She also felt like a stupid, impulsive child running away from the only people who seemed to care about her, at least insofar as they didn't want her to die. She felt especially guilty that Sam had stuck his neck out for her with Dean and she'd basically stomped on it.

Sam stood awkwardly, watching her with an empathetic grimace. He nearly leapt over to comfort her but… Christ, was this situation complicated. Maybe if things were different, maybe if she wasn't safer in her old reality, maybe if they hadn't handcuffed her to a chair and interrogated her, maybe if she hadn't spent the last few hours crying through an existential crisis, maybe if he wasn't terrified she would push him away in disgust? Maybe if she wasn't practically naked right now... maybe then he wouldn't feel so torn about walking over and wrapping her up into a bear hug.

After a moment of nervously wringing her fingers, George met his eyes and took a deep breath, apologizing, "I'm sorry I ran, Sam. I don't even really know why I-"

"Hey, you don't have to explain anything to me," Sam shook his head definitively, taking a few small steps toward her, now within arms reach. "I understand what you're going through-sort of, and you know, in reverse but still-I get it. Don't worry about it," He reached over and took her hand, squeezing it, "I'm just happy I found you."

At his touch, her heart skipped a beat and she felt her whole body flush, goosebumps forming on her skin. The sincerity in his voice and the look in his eyes nearly made her physically swoon. Was that an admission of something or just a subtextless statement of forgiveness? Staring into his eyes made her feel like she was on the downswing of the world's tallest roller coaster. She had to force herself to break eye contact before she could breathe again. He squeezed her hand once more before slowly letting go and as he did she had a realization.

"Thank you." Mustering up a smile through her butterflies, she clumsily grabbed the clothing she needed. "Anyway, I'm suddenly very, very aware of the fact that I'm naked-oh and have been since the three of you got here," She realized, blushing again. Jesus, I took a bath with Dean Winchester in the next room. Her legs felt like jelly as she tried to remain cool, calm, collect, walking toward the bathroom, "Uh, so, I should probably go put some clothes on, now."

Sam nodded understandingly and said with an earnest expression, "Hopefully not on my account." When George froze mid step and jerked her head towards him, burning red from head to toe, he faltered, "Er-uh-I just meant, you don't need to feel uncomfortable naaak-err-without-I mean you aren't making me uncomfortable while-without… clothes." George was relaxed by his shy, adorable stuttering, although at this point 'shy' surprised her. He'd been just as bold back at the bunker, more than once. He sighed and gave her a meek smile, "Uh, somehow this sounded less creepy in my head."

With a chuckle she put him out of his misery, "Relax, Ravenclaw, I understand. It's not on your account, it's on mine," She assured him, to which he nodded thankfully, a relieved expression on his face. She turned back to the door of the bathroom, pushing it open and stepping in.

When she exited the bathroom again, now fully clothed, the only light in the room was now the small, soft light above the bed. At first, the room seemed empty and George wondered if she'd scared Sam away with all her emotions. She was about to call out for him when she finally noticed a pair of big old feet sticking out from along the side of the bed near the window.

"Sam? What are you doing?" She walked over and found him lying on the ground on top of one solitary blanket.

"Just relaxing." He shrugged boyishly.

"On the floor?"

He clarified, "On my bed."

"Sorry, this tissue paper is supposed to be your bed?" She asked for clarification.

"Standard issue motel comforter. And, yea, it's perfect," He reached down on his side and pulled the right side of the blanket over himself. "See, you just fold the top over and it becomes a mattress and a blanket in one!" He seemed genuinely pleased about his makeshift accommodations, as though he was sharing a trade secret with her.

"Wow," she tried to sound impressed, "clever." She hopped onto the bed above him complimenting a bit sarcastically, "Quite the boy scout, aren't you?"

His head jerked up to look at her. There it was again. Another line direct from his dream falling familiarly from her lips. Hearing the pet name conjured images in his mind of the dream woman saying it. It felt identical.

But, how? That dream wasn't real. It was just Gabriel. George is a different woman, it's just a coin-

"Hey, can I ask you something?" George cut into his internal panicking with a soft voice suddenly.

"Yep?" He tried to seem nonchalant.

"Well… OK, I'm just going to say this because fuck it, I have nothing to lose at this point," She wasn't looking at him but sensed his nervous curiosity right away. Ignoring her own butterflies, she said, "Seems to me that the Sam I met at the bunker would have committed to that earlier 'unintended' innuendo." She raised a sideways brow at him, checking out of the corner of her eye to make sure he understood what she was referencing. When she could tell he did, she finally turned her head to meet his eyes and with a shy smile asked, "So, what gives?"

Sam considered her question for a minute; he wasn't sure where to start. Finally he folded his hands in his lap and shrugged sadly, "Actually, uh-about that, I feel like I owe you an apology."

Oooh, that doesn't sound good, George tried to hide her grimace. Her stomach started twisting in painful knots. What's that you were saying about nothing to lose?

"Por que?" She was trying to stave off a cold sweat.

"For… Well, I guess, how about handcuffing you to a chair and interrogating you for starters? For allowing you to be sexually assaulted by a demon? For letting you risk your life to come with us on this hunt? For hitting on you when you were obviously going through a difficult time? Take your pick."

She let out a breath of surprised relief and smiled curiously, "Oh… well in that case, let me just say: one, your brother was the one who handcuffed me to the chair--and it was understandable. Two, it's not your responsibility to protect me from the likes of Tim. He wasn't the first creep and he won't be the last." He seemed thoroughly unsatisfied by that response, so she tried to lighten it up by continuing, "And three, you didn't let me come on the hunt. Clearly I strong armed you." A tiny snort of amusement emitted from him and she smirked, then added curiously, "And, lastly, just to be clear… you were hitting on me?"

He huffed in humiliation, running his hand over his face, unable to look at her, "God, I feel like a real jackass." A blackhole was growing in the pit of his stomach. "Your world was literally turned upside down and you needed help not--not some weird, bunker dwelling asshole making advances."

"Uh, Sam," At first George laughed; the absurdity of the hottest man on television apologizing for hitting on her struck her funny bone. However, when it registered just how sober the tone of his voice was, the reality of the situation hit her again like a ton of bricks. She realized that part of her was still anticipating Jared to break at some point and reveal all of this had been an elaborate set up. It hadn't occurred to her yet that, for Sam, this was all real. His sincerity touched her.

She swallowed down the rest of her laughter, along with her typical smartass response, and smiled kindly, "Thank you for the apology and I appreciate the thought, I really do, but it's not necessary. You had no idea, considering I lied to you--which I'm also sorry about if I haven't already said that." That last part came out quickly upon realizing she might not have apologized yet. He gave her a kind smile and waved her off gently, so she continued, "So, please don't feel guilty. And I'll let you know if your advances are ever unwanted. Promise."

The deja vu hit him again so hard it knocked the wind out of him. His eyes snapped up to meet hers from his spot on the floor. A blush creeped across her cheeks as he stared curiously. She was back on the roller coaster, butterflies tumbling in her gut, but forced herself to keep eye contact, allowing him to conduct his search. She wasn't sure what he was so determinedly looking for but she hoped he was finding it.

A mix of emotions wrestled within him at the moment. Though he knew logically it made no sense, he was having a harder and harder time denying that he knew this woman, intimately--in every sense of the word. But, how?! And, holy shit, was she saying what he hoped she was saying? He could feel his hopes skyrocketing while he struggled to hold them down in self-preservation.

A huge yawn broke out on her face, ruining the moment and snapping Sam out of his stupor.

"Whoa, Jesus," She laughed a bit, surprised by the force of the yawn.

"Time for bed?" Sam tried to mask his disappointment at the disruption. She nodded agreeably.

"Listen, could you at least take a pillow, please? One pillow? For me?" Pulling the sheets back, so she could climb in, she yanked a pillow out and tossed it over the edge of the bed. She heard it land with an audible POOMPF right on his face. "Oops," she said with a snicker, reaching over to turn off the lamp on the table while he adjusted the pillow behind his head.

Sliding up under the covers, she settled down on her back. The deafening silence in the room allowed her mind to wander freely while she stared up at the ceiling. After a moment she rolled onto her side and peeked over the edge of the bed, surprised to find Sam's beautiful hazel eyes staring intensely back at her in the dark.

She whispered, "Sam?"

"Yeah?" Came a soft, low rumble, as he continued to stare back.

"How did you find me?" She wondered.

"Uh…" He turned away from her quickly and shifted nervously. He felt compelled to be honest with her; luckily the shroud of darkness made him bolder than he would have been in the harsh light of day. "We tracked you through the cab company mostly. Lost your trail at the diner and then… I'm not really sure. We were driving around and when I saw the sign for the motel I… uh, just had a strong feeling that you were here?"

"...uh huh." His answer surprised her. So much so, that she had to break eye contact and lay back down. She stared at the ceiling in shock.

What did that mean?

Though even as she asked herself the question, she had a feeling that she already knew. It was a feeling that didn't exactly put her at ease; raising more questions than it answered. She mulled it over for a few moments, before deciding she was too tired to pull at that thread.

She finally shrugged a little and said, "Good instincts?"

"Yeah… that must be it," He trailed off, having a nearly identical conversation with himself, and they fell silent again.

"Sam?" She said, choking back a nervous laughter. When she heard him respond with a curious grunt she hesitated. Finally, she blurted in a quiet, definitive whisper, "Samgirl. No question." When she could hear the smile behind another, practically silent--as though he was trying to hide it--grunt of confirmation she smiled wide, adding quickly, "And just so you know, that is the first and last time you will ever hear me utter that silly term of my own volition."

"Understood," He murmured in a teasingly serious tone, making her laugh quietly.

With another big yawn, she forced herself to stop engaging. Before rolling over, she tossed over her shoulder, "And don't tell Dean. He'll be devastated and we have a job to do." The sound of his joyful chuckling was the last thing she heard before sleep overtook her.

[iloveyoupittsburghpirates-blog]

It’s Time To Move Forward, Pittsburgh Pirates

My Dearest Pittsburgh Pirates,

Why hello there. It’s been a while. I believe it’s been since “The Trades” occurred. You look well. Opening Day has come and gone. We usually talk before that day but it felt important to allow myself some “me” time to allow things to properly digest. It took a little longer than I initially anticipated but I’m ready to move on. I’m not going to discuss “The Trades” anymore. It’s in the past and I think it’s vital for us to keep our focus forward. Your 2018 roster is set and we will see where the year takes you and me. You did make one move this offseason that immediately made me more optimistic. That was the trade that allowed you to acquire outfielder Corey Dickerson. It’s old news by now but adding a player that bats lefty with a career OPS of .864 against right handed pitching, had a WAR almost identical to a certain former center fielder of your’s last year, and only cost you Daniel Hudson and a prospect who wasn’t even in your top 30 is a big get. He’s only 28, he only costs 6.5 million, and he’s under your control through 2019.  With his addition and Moran’s, you add two left handed bats with pop. That won’t necessarily make up for what you lost by itself but it’s a start. I’m going into this season optimistic because the one thing every team has in common is that they all start the season 0-0. Right now, we have the same shot as every other team. Kind of…

The offense was one of the worst in home runs last year in a season defined by the home run ball.  The additions of Dickerson and Moran that we already discussed will hopefully make an impact on that. Ideally other players can personally improve in order to help matters. Josh Bell, Francisco Cervelli, Starling Marte, and Gregory Polanco all had monster springs with OPS’ around or over .900. It seems unlikely that Cervelli will do that in the regular season but it’s not out of the question the other three could. For Cervelli or Polanco to have a chance at that, they will need to be healthier than last year. A full season of Marte and Bell hopefully progressing from his very impressive rookie campaign would make a huge difference. If those four can stay healthy plus Moran and Dickerson providing more pop, then this lineup could be very interesting.

Harrison/Marte/Polanco/Bell/Dickerson/Cervelli/Moran/Mercer

If that’s your typical starting lineup against righties, that works for me. Frazier can slide in for spot starts here and there and your left with a righty dominant bench of SRod, Freese, Diaz, and eventually Osuna. If Marte, Bell, and Polanco do anything like they did this spring, this lineup could be much more dynamic that I originally expected.

I wouldn’t have originally anticipated the pitching would be my biggest concern after the way the offense performed last season but that’s the reality of this situation. While the rotation is set, it’s far from a group I’m confident in. Your second-best pitcher is probably Trevor Williams and, nothing against him, but that’s nerve-racking. He was your best pitcher in the second half of last season and I actually have pretty high hopes for him. The rotation centers around Jameson Taillon turning into a reliable ace. He has all the tools to accomplish that but his health is always a concern. I loved what I saw in training camp and I have a feeling he could break through this year. Kuhl, Nova, and Musgrove are question marks. They could be anything from good 3’s, to great 4’s, to not even worthy of being a #5. Only time will tell. The bullpen is by last year’s dominant closer Felipe Rivero, fresh off his contract extension. He had a bit of a rough spring but if his performance in game one of the double header is any indication, he will be he’s still his dominant self. George Kontos provides the experience and will mostly like serve as the 8th inning guy. Michael Feliz, acquired from Houston when we traded our former ace, is a hard thrower with plenty of upside but could be an adventurous 7th inning option. Dovydas Neverauskas and Edgar Santana made the team this year after seeing some action last season. They both possess powerful arms but neither performed well enough last season to put too much on them. You have three long relievers in Steven Brault, Josh Smoker, and Tyler Glasnow. Brault has made a handful of starts in his career and could be a decent weapon out of the pen especially as a lefty. Smoker is another lefty who was an underdog to even make the roster so not someone you want pitching in high leverage situations. Glasnow should have started the season in Triple-A in my opinion to keep working on his control. You have a new concept of having starters spend time in the major league bullpen. Glasnow pitched two scoreless but chaotic innings in Game Two today. He walked two, struck out two, but did throw 21 of 37 pitches for strikes. I don’t know where this is going but it’s safe to say that every time he pitches stress will be at optimal levels. This bullpen is filled with lively arms which is something to like but there is little experience which can lead to shaky results.

Opening Day proved anti-climactic when the game in Detroit against the Tigers was rained out. Friday was an off day so that’s when you opened the season with a high scoring affair. In the top of the 13th of a 10-10 game, Gregory Polanco hit a towering 3 run homer game-clinching homer to give you the 13-10 win. Saturday was yet again rained out so that meant an Easter Sunday double header. Game One saw Polanco keep a hot bat with a first inning RBI double that would prove to be the difference in a 1-0 game. Trevor Williams had a no-hitter through 6 innings but had walked five and threw more balls than strikes. Hurdle smartly took him out before the 7th inning which is when Michael Feliz gave up the first hit of the game. He worked a scoreless 7th, Kontos worked a scoreless 8th, and then Felipe Rivero came in for the 9th. There had been concern in Spring Training about his control issues, but those fears seemed like a distant memory as Rivero easily struck out the middle of the Tigers lineup. It really wasn’t fair. Two games. Two wins. Game Three of the series had Chad Kuhl on the hill but this turned into the Josh Harrison show. JHay was 3 for 5 with a homer, a double, two runs, and 2 RBIs. Marte and Freese also hit absolute bombs in another dominant offensive performance. The 8-6 victory means the offense is averaging over seven runs per game. The Tigers’ pitching staff is one of the weaker staffs in the league, but you should dominate and did. I can remember plenty of games last season when you were shut down by less than average starters. You swept a team on the road to start the season. You won’t hear one complaint out of me the rest of this letter.

Tomorrow is the Opening Day at beautiful PNC Park. Jameson Taillon will get the start in Game One of an odd two-game series against the Minnesota Twins. Tuesday is an off day and Wednesday Ivan Nova gets the start in the series finale. The Twins made the playoffs last season and have an underrated lineup. You will face newly acquired starter Jake Odorizzi followed by former Cardinals’ pitcher Lance Lynn. They are better than any pitcher you faced on the Tigers. This team is much better than the Tigers too so you better come in prepared. Thursday marks the start of divisional play when the Cincinnati Reds will come to PNC Park for your first four-game series of the year. The Reds are still rebuilding but they have some high-end talent in the rotation and some big bats in the lineup. They are beatable but they aren’t going to make it easy for you. After the Reds’ series, you go to Chicago to play the Cubs so getting wins this week will be important. I honestly couldn’t have hoped for a better start. More than anything, it’s just nice to see you. I know I can be critical but that’s only because I care so much. There are legitimate reasons to be excited about this season and I really mean that. I have no idea where it will go but I’m excited about the ride. It’s great to have you back and have a great week!!

                                                                                       Eternally Optimistic,

                                                                                                   Brad

P.S. stands for plugging something. I might want to come up with a different name for that. I would just like to make people aware that I co-wrote a radio play podcast called DEATH AT SUNSET: HARD TIMES AND SOFT DRINKS with my friend Chris Maxwell that is now available on Apple Podcasts (aka iTunes), Stitcher Radio, Google Play Radio, and SoundCloud. It’s a comedy noir that follows P.I. Jack Dime as he takes cases in modern day Los Angeles. All Four Episodes of the first case are ready for download now. Follow us at @deathatsunet on Twitter, check out DeathatSunset.com, and please rate and leave a review on Apple Podcasts. Thanks so much for your support!!

[enigmasong]

Right, so to do this New Series Adventure speed round review, I’m gonna chunk them off into sections; full novels in their own list, anthologies in another, etc.

I think it’s fair to note that I haven’t read most of these since I first got them, but I do remember them all well enough that my hot takes should be fine. So, yeah.

I’m gonna start with the full length novels since it’s gonna be the longest part of the list. Going in the order on my shelf, which is my best guess at linear order for how the Doctor’s lived them.

Engines of War - George Mann The only book thus far to feature War. I liked it well enough. It felt like an actual bitter war, which is more than can be said for Big Finish’s range with him. But what really takes it into top tier is the mutha fuckin’  Gallifreyan dinosaurs.

Winner Takes All - Jaqueline Rayner Not one I have much opinions on. The concept is interesting enough that I’d recommend it, but I think your mileage may vary depending on how much you like contemporary set stories. A few red flags from the Doctor’s side of his and Rose’s relationship.

The Deviant Strain - Justin Richards Again, not one I have much opinions on. Been a bit too long since I’ve read it. It was alright. I liked the setting.

Only Human - Gareth Roberts Jack’s little B plot was dull as paste, but the rest was pretty good. I did enjoy seeing Rose lose her head, so there’s that.

The Stone Rose - Jaqueline Rayner It exists. Basically all I can about it. It’s not good, it’s not bad; it’s just a thing. Honestly, the only people who are likely to get anything out of this book are Ten/Rose shippers. Hmm, isn’t this what people are saying about the latest Big Finish Ten box set?

Sting of the Zygon - Stephen Cole I actually really liked this one. Should reread it. Made good use of the Zygons. And I felt it fell surprisingly in line with the Zygon subplot from the Day of the Doctor.

The Slitheen Excursion - Simon Guerrier That basic Who plot of future people forcing primitive humans into gladiatorial combat, only this time done by Slitheen. I kinda questioned the sanity of the one-off companion of this one for choosing to stay with the Doctor at the end despite what happened to her.

In the Blood - Jenny T. Colgan Honestly, I’d always recommend Colgan. I thought it being about internet hate was a bit trite, but otherwise golden. The plot twist was that is was a sequel to Ten’s BF audio Time Reaver the whole time. So you might wanna give that a listen to before reading this.

Beautiful Chaos - Gary Russell Again, mostly just exists. And again, mostly depends on how much you like contemporary stories. It has a sad little reference to River, setting this book (just like the last on this list) just after the Library, that always makes me throw the book in despair. Usually multiple times.

The Krillitan Storm - Christopher Cooper Actually greatly increased my enjoyability of School Reunion. Gives a good backstory to the Krillitan with an understandable reason for why they seek to be gods. The characters were engaging, the stakes were high. I actually found it a rather surprising gem.

The Prisoner of the Daleks - Trevor Baxendale Probably my second favorite Dalek story, right behind Asylum. The Daleks were a clear and present threat to the whole of the universe and in a story that let them go as dark as they can be. Though my copy did this very annoying thing where all the Dalek lines are in the Dalek font. I really wanna know if that was in the original print of the book.

The Forgotten Army - Brian Minchin Well, if the last book was dark and willing to get into the gritty and disturbing details of how the universe can be, this one is the opposite. It’s a fairly decent kids book, about middle school range.

The King’s Dragon - Una McCormack Exists. Though I think visiting other planets in their pre-industrial era is an underutilized concept in Doctor Who. I don’t think the people of the town they visit understand the concept of inflation.

The Coming of the Terraphiles - Michael Moorcock Ah yes, the infamous one. I felt like a Douglas Adams book if he had a hard-on for writing almost exclusively in exposition. I think they may be a few people with select taste that will actually enjoy this book, but it is a minority I am not a part of as I couldn’t even finish the damn thing. I still don’t know why the first six chapters were named after colors.

Paradox Lost - George Mann A perfectly serviceable Past/future duel story. But it was the first Doctor Who book I ever got so it holds a special place in my heart.

Dead of Winter - James Goss This book takes full advantage of the fact that it���s a none visual tie-in to a visual medium. I also love the way it was told, through letters and logs mixed with some first person. If I had to pick something to grip about it, Amy and Rory are not the most in character for the point they’re supposed to be at. I’d nearly say the Doctor is too, but given what happens to him in it, he has a right to be a bit crabby. It’s one that begs to be read at least twice.

Borrowed Time - Naomi A. Alderman Its premise is based on a pun, it features an economic lesson, and it has a taste of that UNIT/Torchwood rivalry I so desperately crave there to be. On that I recommend it. The story’s decent too.

Hunter’s Moon - Paul Finch The Most Dangerous Game only with more alien ran human trafficking rings. I think you can probably figure out if you’ll like it from that.

Touched by an Angel - Johnathan Morris Basic ‘living through the past’ story. Nothing to write home about. Though it ran on the logic that there’s a different branch of Weeping Angels that actually feeds on paradoxes, but I feel it rather throws the Angels’ lore for too much of a loop.

The Dalek Generation - Nicholas Briggs When I first read this, I really liked it. Mostly for the Doctor going all dad mode on these three orphans. But then I listened through Eight’s Big Finish range and, yeah, this is just an average Nick Briggs Dalek wank fest.

...I mean, I know Dalek stories means he automatically gets a role, but this is a book and can he not write anything else?

Dark Horizons - Jenny T. Colgan (as J.T. Colgan) Colgan’s debut Doctor Who story. And a damn good one. It’s also got a place in my heart as the second Who book I ever got, so I might be a touch bias about it.

Plague of the Cybermen - Justin Richards This one didn’t leave much of an impact on me. I think the Cybermen were better used in it than in any New Who episodes (and I’ve got some opinions on how they’ve been used in New Who), but not well enough to push the story above ‘perfectly serviceable’.

The Silent Stars Go By - Dan Abnett I think it’s ironic that the guy who created the current iteration of Guardians of the Galaxy would write for a character played by Karen Gillian, who would go on to be in the film version of that comic. Life’s funny like that. As for the book, it’s one I really like, but I’m a sucker for Ice Warriors. And for some reason, all the chapter titles are from old Christmas and winter songs despite that not really being the thematic tone the book’s going for.

Shroud of Sorrow - Tommy Donbavand This book is weird.

The Crawling Terror - Mike Tucker I was so confused when they started talking about the daddy long-leg flying. It’s like, spiders can’t fly-oh wait, they use that name for a different bug. It’s serviceable. Unless you have a fear of bugs, in which case you’ll probably wanna skip this one.

The Blood Cell - James Goss Could’ve been as good as Dead of Winter if Goss had thrown in more than the one perspective, but still good if you like your stories hella dark with a side helping of anti-vax bashing.

Silhouette - Justin Richards My favorite of Richards. It’s got a good atmosphere, some nice character analysis of the Doctor, and makes good use of the Paternoster Gang. They really should have their own book series.

Royal Blood - Una McCormack Man, Una McCormack really likes writing other planets pre-industrial. This book makes good use of the story beats of the King Arthur story. At least until it hammers it over the head by throwing in someone claiming to be Lancelot.

Big Bang Generation - Gary Russell The plot’s a bit hard to follow and there was too much changing time at the end, but fans of Bernice Summerfield should get a kick out of her entry back into book format. It claims to be part of the Glamour storyline from a couple of books from the Ten and Eleven era of NSA I don’t have that Royal Blood and Deep Time continue. Doesn’t. That the thing in this is also called the Glamour is just a wacky coincident.

Deep Time - Trevor Baxendale Nice, dark story. Not much else I have to say on it.

Diamond Dogs - Mike Tucker Starts with the Doctor taking Bill on his regular trip to steal a diamond to fund his and Nardole’s life style at the university. And people say this man’s a role model. Surprisingly, I’d have to say all three of the books in this set are really good and recommendable.

The Shining Man - Cavan Scott A nice dive back into that Fairy World concept used in the first series of Torchwood. And see last sentence of last review.

Plague City - Johnathan Morris It’s set in plague ridden Edinburgh, so you know it’s gonna be depressing. In fact, that’s rather its theme. Only problem I had with it is that it phonically spells out the accents (writing equivalent of bad fake accents).

And that’s it on the full novels I have, how ‘bout them anthology books? I’ll take these in release order.

Tales of Trenzalore

Let It Snow - Justin Richards The twist of it is obvious from page one, but I still thought it was a pretty good use of overcoming the truth field. But again, I am a sucker for Ice Warriors.

An Apple a Day - George Mann Somebody lobbed a mass of carnivorous vegetable matter into an arctic region and expected it to work. It’s the first story to feature that the Doctor’s lost his leg at some point doing his time on Trenzalore. It’s a nice metaphor to show he’s unable to runaway from the situation by making him literally unable to runaway.

Strangers in the Outland - Paul Finch And the Nestene Consciousness could’ve gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for that pesky reentry heat.

The Dreaming - Mark Morris I dunno, I just find it hard to believe that after seven hundred years living there, the Doctor wouldn’t know a local story that had been passed down through the centuries of something that had only happened two hundred years before he arrived. Otherwise, a good introduction to the Macra for someone like me who knows nothing about the Macra.

Overall thoughts - a good glimpse into what the Doctor’s life on Trenzalore was like. A bit of proof-in-concept that a full range of stories set in this time could work (*cough*Big Finish*cough*)

The Legends of Ashildr

The Arabian Knightmare - James Goss The real nightmare is the formatting of this story. Not only is it just a mess, but it’s really bad misappropriation of the One Thousand and One Arabian Nights and the tale of Sherazade. And it ends on this really hack job moral it did nothing to deserve, Goss, you’re one of my favorite writers; why you gotta do me bad like this?

The Fortunate Isles - David Llewellyn It was a decent story until it turned into just another case of future people making historical humans fight in gladiatorial type arenas.

The Triple Knife - Jenny T. Colgan It’s the story of Ashildr losing her children to the Black Death. Did this really have to be told, though? I mean, the story’s good, but wasn’t the way she talked about it in the Woman Who Lived enough? But I suppose my only real gripe is that I didn’t think aliens needed to be involved in it. Well, that and they deleted the scene in the episode that makes the ending of this story make sense.

The Ghosts of Branscombe Wood - Justin Richards I liked this one. It was the only one in this I felt truly warranted existing. The story was good, unlike the first one, and Ashildr actually had reason to be involved in the situation, unlike the second one.

Overall thoughts - I think it came out too soon. Honestly, they just seemed to be counting their chickens before they hatched with how soon after series nine this came out. And I wasn’t thrilled that none of these stories took place in any time after the industrial revolution. I don’t want more Renaissance Ashildr; I want 1980s Ashildr. I want this ancient Viking soul in pastel leg warmers  and hoop earrings wide enough to drive a semi-truck through.

The Legends of River Song

Picnic at Asgard - Jenny T. Colgan I think between this and the end of the Husbands of River Song, half the fan fics under the Doctor/River tab on AO3 are dead. Twas a terrible double massacre. It’s a nice little fluff piece, though the baby talk seems a bit out of place. And as a theme park connoisseur, I appreciate the setting.

Suspicious Minds - Jacqueline Rayner I wouldn’t have said that line River said in the Big Bang about having once dated a Nestene duplicate with swappable heads could warrant its own story, but this actually makes that work. Mainly because that’s not the focus of the story. The story is actually mostly about the duplicate and him getting to keep his own agency when faced with getting taken over by the Nestene consciousness again. That and Raynor has the Doctor go on a date with River and the duplicate.

A Gamble with Time - Steve Lyons Probably the weakest story in this set, but still a good read. Apart from all the ‘dear diary’s.

Death in New Venice - Guy Adams The only one in this that has nothing at all to do with the Doctor. He is not mentioned once, and it’s not missing anything because. It’s a good solo River story that explores how she is outside of her relationship with the Doctor.

River of Time - Andrew Lane Some sweet, sweet Ancient Gallifreyan lore. I’ll eat that stuff right up. It also goes into some minor details in River’s standings with the archeological community and the conditions of her stay in Stormcage.

Overall thoughts - Oh yes, this is much better. Rather than a quick tie-in like the Ashildr book, this is clearly written by and for people who love River Song. None of them quite do River’s voice properly, but that’s nothing more than a nitpick.

The American Adventures - Justin Richards

All that Glitters Boring. Next

Off the Trail You have died of uninteresting plot development.

Ghosts of New York Might have actually been a tiny bit interesting if it had been set in literally any other city.

Taking the Plunge That’s not how roller coasters work!!!!!

Spectator Sport Interesting concept. Still boring

Base of Operation Gonna be honest, completely forgot this one existed

Overall thoughts - Did anyone wants this? Did Justin Richards even want this? Given that the place in the book that has his name on it is the copyright page, I really don’t think the answer is yes. This book is such a quota filler. Like they had to fill in that third slot for 2016 somehow and so threw a dart and wrote about whatever it landed on.

And that brings to all my half novels. The Summer Falls and other stories collection and those short Eleventh Doctor stories that had originally been published in that annoying double sided format but had all gotten reprinted into their own books throughout last year.

We’ll start on the former.

Summer Falls - James Goss At ninety five pages, this clearly ain’t the book Clara read. The only way this version can conceivably be considered canon to the show is if it’s meant to be the ‘abridged to hell and back’ version. And it reads like it. Like with all the Harry Potter movies after Prisoner of Azkaban, this is nothing more than the bare bones skeleton of good and compelling story.

The Angels Kiss - Justin Richards Yeah, this one’s not great. Richards clearly isn’t at home writing in first person and a half prequel to the Angels Take Manhattan just maybe wasn’t the best idea. I think the point was to set up the idea that the Melody Malone book is part of a whole series of books in verse, which was picked up on with a line in the first series of the Diary of River Song, but it’s just too half-hearted to be a good execution of it. And I think, in verse, a series based on Melody Malone is more like to be ghost written by Amy than River, but take that as a bonus headcanon.

Devil in the Smoke - Justin Richards Richards clearly is at home writing for the Paternoster Gang, though. Between this and Silhouette, why is there not a book series for them yet?

Terrible Lizards - Johnathan Green An important PSA to all the young British children on how you should never set foot on a square inch of Florida not owned by Disney. If the temporally displaced prehistoric monsters don’t kill you, the drunk, helmet-less collage students on moterbikes will.

Rain of Terror - Mike Tucker Yeah, that’s totally not a pun I’ve heard before. This one’s probably my favorite out of what I’ve got of these.

Underwater War - Richard Dinnick Oh my gosh, Rory actually doing nursing stuff? Why, that’s just unheard of! Yeah, this one was okay.

System Wipe - Oli Smith I’m running out of things to say. These stories mostly just exist. This one was decent.

Heart of Stone - Trevor Baxendale Wash, rinse, repeat. This one had the undertone of the country vs city debate. I hate that debate.

Death Riders - Justin Richards Oh hey, one I actually have something to talk about. Because this one wasn’t good. Amy and Rory were so far out of character they were just flat out not Amy and Rory, and the first half was filled with lines being repeated so Richards could crawl his way to that word count.

Extra Time - Richard Dungworth Rory gets reduced down to the stereotype that all Englishmen obsessively love football. I’d say at least the alien was cool, but as that was basically the B plot to Rory’s whole thing, there’s rather a damper on it.

My next set of reviews is for that ‘Twelve Doctors, Twelve Stories’ novella set from the anniversary year. They were written by actual big name authors of whom I only recognize three of. And one’s only because he’s the guy who’d go on to write Class.

A Big Hand for the Doctor - Eoin Colfer You know, just because the Doctor is this big heroic character that will always try to save everyone he can now doesn’t mean it’s in character for One to be this way, especially since this story likely takes place before meeting Ian and Barbra. That’s the result of years of character development. He was kind of an asshole at first.

The Nameless City - Michael Scott If you ever wanted a story where Jamie McCrimmon meets and is duped by the Master to trap the Doctor, this is your story.

The Spear of Destiny - Marcus Sedgwick A rather confusing title and McGuffin given that the Spear of Destiny is a Christian relic and this story is about Norse pantheon.

The Roots of Evil - Philip Reeve It’s a bunch of asshole tree people trying to kill Four for something Eleven does. Oddly worked for me. Four does not have nice things to say about Eleven’s fashion choice, though Leela seems to like how young he looks.

Tip of the Tongue - Patrick Ness Five cameos in his own story. That’s just fantastic. I’m being sarcastic here.

Something Borrowed - Richelle Mead My first and so far only taste of the Rani. I think I might’ve liked this one if it hadn’t have been in first person.

Spore - Alex Scarrow This one was interesting, I guess.

The Beast of Babylon - Charlie Higson I think it tries to do the same thing as Dead of Winter and Natural History of Fear and subverts your expectations on the identity of a character, but given that it’s in regards to the one-off companion’s identity, it comes off as more of a narrative cheat. I will give this story one thing, though: it does setup a foothold for Ninth Doctor adventures between when he left Rose at the end of her titular episode and when he went back for her.

The Mystery of the Haunted Cottage - Derek Landy I think this was trying to be a Celestial Toy Maker story, but without the racism. But they also didn’t wanna retcon anything so they borrowed ideas from the Land of Fiction. But I don’t know enough about either of those things to be sure.

Nothing O’Clock - Neil Gaiman. Exactly what you’d expect from a Neil Gaiman story. Though I don’t like how it basically screws over Amy’s character in the first half of series five.

Lights Out - Holly Black Look, I know this was written before there was really anything out for Twelve, but did we really need a story for Twelve getting that coffee for him and Clara between Deep Breath and Into the Dalek? Otherwise, a solid story.

And now for the Super Mega Bonus Round: the Heroes and Monsters Collection. A collection of short stories, most that had been initially published in the Doctor Who Files and the official annuals but a few that were made for this.

And it looks like I’m gonna have to plumb the copyright page for the authors’ names. Joy.

The Stranger - Gary Russell The only story for War in the this. The main thing it does is highlight a tactic used in the Time War.

The Hero Factor - Stephen Cole The Doctor gets trapped in a talk show trying to kill him. Um... don’t have anything to say about this.

Mission to Galaction - Justin Richards At first I was laughing at the Daleks getting their comeuppance. And then I was reminded of what the Daleks are capable of.

Stamp of Approval - Jacqueline Rayner This read like a genuine letter. I really liked that about it.

The Final Darkness - Stephen Cole Just goes through the Sycorax ship logs throughout the Christmas Invasion. That’s not a story.

No Fun at the Fair - Jacqueline Rayner Slitheen. Joy.

Taking Mickey - Justin Richards A story that lets Mickey Smith show what he’s capable of. That’s worth more than its word count in gold.

Needlepoint - Justin Richards Because people don’t fear old ladies enough, I guess.

A Dog’s Life - Justin Richards K-9′s logs of his life with Sarah-Jane. This one’s kinda sweet and a bit sad.

The Secret of the Stones -Justin Richards Retconned by the Pandorica Opens.

The Planet that Wept - Justin Richards When will this Justin Richards streak end?! Oh yeah, the story’s pretty interesting.

Disappearing Act - Justin Richards Goddamn it! There’s an Ood and a magician and- I don’t know. You can’t expect me to have an opinion on all of these.

Once upon a Time - Justin Richards Forgot this one existed.

Best Friends - Justin Richards Something, something, Jack Harkness. Don’t remember this one either.

Most Beautiful Music - Justin Richards A nice, tragic tale of a boy and his musical instrument and greedy business men willing to sell the two’s souls for an endless cash cow.

Secret of Arkatron - Justin Richards Still with the Justin Richards stuff. Amy and the Doctor do Scooby-Doo.

Blind Terror - Justin Richards A snapshot of the Sontaran-Ruton war. Actually, my favorite story in this book.

Amy’s Escapade and Rory’s Adventure - Justin Richards Technically two stories, but they both covered the same events from different perspectives. My main take away was that it started with the Doctor practically pushing Amy and Rory out of the TARDIS. Hmm, I wonder if the two knew their daughter was on the planet.

The Fifty-year Delay - Moray Laing Hoorah! Somebody who’s not Justin Richards! Shame it’s on another one I don’t remember. Something about trains and time birds.

Birth of a Legend - Justin Richards The Cult of Skaro origins I don’t think anyone asked for.

Lorna’s Escape - Jason Loborik Sometimes I think that Doctor Who EU writers know that sometimes things are better left to the imagination. This is one of those times.

Going Off the Rails - Justin Richards I like stories that show children are perfectly capable of dealing with danger on their own. That they’re intelligent enough to problem solve their way through things.

Normality - Gary Russell A nice character piece for Clara. Also, giant tardigrades, am I right? I’m looking at you, Star Trek Disco.

When the Wolves Came - Moray Laing I have no idea what is happening in this one and it’s not because I forgot this time.

Buyer’s Remorse - Gary Russell Twelve has to deal with black market space EBay trying to sell his TARDIS back to him and it’s actually kinda funny.

And I’m done. And I’m exhausted and never doing this again.

[junker-town]

Are we ready to watch Steve Ballmer scream about a Clippers team that’s actually great?

I’m worried for him.

I’m just gonna come out and say it: I think Steve Ballmer is too hyped, and I’m concerned for him.

Clippers owner Steve Ballmer is insanely fired up after signing Kawhi and Paul George pic.twitter.com/NrnrLADzSq

— ESPN Australia & NZ (@ESPNAusNZ) July 25, 2019

Now, look, we should all be so lucky as to have an owner of our favorite team so beside himself that he sounds like Matt Foley giving a motivational speech in your living room, and to be fair, Kawhi and PG arriving is the most exciting thing to happen in his Clippers tenure so far, so this is justified in a way. But I honestly don’t see how Ballmer can keep this up all season without exploding on the sideline like a Spinal Tap drummer.

This is all par-for-the-course for Ballmer, whose hype level has been through the roof for nearly 40 years. The former Microsoft CEO is a legend in the tech community for his often off-the-rails levels of excitement for things like operating systems, web development, and much more. He’s famous for screaming “I LOVE THIS COMPANY!” to a small army of Microsoft employees after taking over as CEO, sweat pouring down his brow as if the moment was all too much.

Ballmer’s excitement has always been calculated, to an extent. This is a man who knows that part of his job is getting people excited. When you’re the most amped-up person in the room, everyone else (in theory) feels comfortable to come out of their shell and at least meet you halfway.

This level of investment isn’t always healthy, however. There are accounts of him needing vocal reconstruction surgery from shouting too much, and court documents from 2004 that describe Ballmer as throwing a chair across the room while shouting “I’m going to f***ing kill Google!” in response to an executive leaving Microsoft for the company. He’s also banned his family from using iPhones, and replaced Apple products in the Clippers’ organization with Microsoft ones.

A (brief) history of Steve Ballmer’s over-the-top exploits and eccentricities.

Long before this time at Microsoft, Ballmer wanted to be a screenwriter in Hollywood. He was terrified of leaving his then-job at Proctor & Gamble, where he was marketing cake mixes. To amp himself up to tell his bosses he was leaving the company, Ballmer blasted Rod Stewart’s “Do You Think I’m Sexy?” in the car on the drive to the office.

After leaving Hollywood, he enrolled in business school at Stanford. He would amp himself up for class — every single day.

“He would keep telling himself, ‘I’m gonna kick some ass in class today,’ “ says classmate Dan Rudolph, who rode with him. The sound track for this mantra was often Michael Jackson’s “Rock With You.”

Microsoft programmers say he would routinely march down the halls of the company at 2 a.m. chanting “YES! YES! YES!” while they were developing Windows.

If a conversation got too technical in a meeting, he would dismiss it, calling it “geek sex.”

He’s a meme.

That time he kept saying the Clippers were going to be “hardcore.”

When he dunked off a trampoline at halftime.

Steve Ballmer just gave everyone in the building Chuck Taylors and then did this pic.twitter.com/dask7DlmiM

— Rowan Kavner (@RowanKavner) March 1, 2016

That time he lost it when the Clippers came back against the Warriors.

We are all Steve Ballmer todaypic.twitter.com/hwtCVDpdwj

— Emiliano Carchia (@Carchia) April 16, 2019

So here we have Steve Ballmer, a fiercely loyal (often to a fault) guy who is prone to getting over-excited (sometimes to the detriment of his own health), now owning a team that is a favorite for the NBA title after signing the reigning NBA Finals MVP. I was already worried about Ballmer back in 2014, when he had just bought the team and they were merely good. What happens now, given that Kawhi Leonard and Paul George are going to undoubtedly be one of the most exciting tandems in the NBA this season?

Now all we can do is wait and see if his white-hot passion causes him to incinerate court side. God help any ref that decides a game with a call he doesn’t like, now the stakes are higher than ever.

[blschaos3000-blog]

Its 3:31 pm

Welcome to a another edition of “8 Questions with…..” I’m pretty jazzed up for today’s interview with George Rother. I’m finally getting to talk with a fellow film buff and critic who is very much like myself. And just like most SERIOUS film buffs,George just doesn’t stick with the latest blockbusters or trendy releases,he isn’t afraid to explore quality foreign offerings or B-movie fun. If it can be seen on a screen,George is there to offer fair and quality insight and honestly,one can spend hours on his website Movie Guy 24/7. I know because the cheetah and I have spent a few visits checking out some classics from days gone by. George also has a crazy interactive Facebook page with over 10,000 followers who enjoy talking films in a respectful way which is rather refreshing to see. I’ll post a link down below after the interview. But for now,let’s go ask George his 8 Questions…….

  Please introduce yourself and tell us a little about Movie Guy 24/7

 My name is George Rother. I am a lifelong movie lover. I started Movie Guy 24/7 in 2010 after health reasons forced me to retire early. I’m primarily a film critic but I do more than review movies. If you go on the Movie Guy 24/7 FaceBook page, I post things daily. I offer up trivia, I ask questions, I give challenges, I put up songs, clips and trailers from movies. I do all sorts of things to interact with my fans/friends. 

What makes film so important to you?

Film has been a constant in my life. I didn’t have a lot of friends growing up so I often went to the movies by myself. I got used to it actually. Film has always been a subject of interest to me. Even as a kid, I wanted to see adult-oriented films like All That Jazz, The Rose, Apocalypse Now and Kramer vs. Kramer. Of course, that pesky parental R-rated movie block kept getting in the way. LOL! Anyway, I just felt at home getting caught up in a filmed story. I became a regular filmgoer at 13 and always seemed to know more about movies than other people my age. 

Are movies better today then when you started watching them? What are the three biggest changes besides budgetsand special effects that you like/dislike from films of yesterday and today?

LOL! I hate to resort to cliches but they sure don’t make them like they used to. Most of today’s movies are so impersonal. They’re not art, they’re made by committee. A lot of them are derivative. Comedies aren’t funny anymore; they’re just foul, gross and vulgar. PG-13 horror movies are the cinematic equivalent of watered-down alcoholic drinks. Blockbusters are little more than convoluted, CGI-heavy noisefests. I don’t really care for CGI; it looks too fake. Give me old school practical effects any day. 

What makes a movie a “classic” in your eyes?

 That’s a subjective thing. Everybody has their own ideas as to what makes a movie classic. If pressed, I suppose I’d have to say longevity. Will it hold up 5, 10, 20 years from now? Sadly, not many of today’s movies are future classics. 

Did you feel Hollywood has played a huge part in the rise of gun violence with so many violent shoot-’em ups?

 There has always been shooting in movies. Look at the old westerns from the 20s and 30s. Look at the gangster movies from that era. They seemed very violent at the time. Nowadays, filmmakers can get away with showing a lot more. However, I think the depiction of gun violence in film (and TV) has little to do with the rise in real life gun violence. I think it has to do with a person’s nature and/or their surroundings. 

What is a difference between a movie critic and a movie buff?

 LOL! Why can’t somebody be both? OK, here’s my answer. A movie critic watches a film analytically whereas a movie buff is passionate about film in general. In other words, business vs. pleasure. 

What five films/five stars/five directors are you favorites and why?

 WOW! That’s a tall question. Let’s start with favorite movies. If you mean all-around cinematic perfection, perfect in every way, I’d have to say Casablanca. If you mean what movie gives me the most pleasure, I’d say the 1982 version of Conan the Barbarian. I can’t really give you a top 5 here so I’ll just give you my favorites in a few genres. Sci-fi: (tie) Blade Runner and 2001: A Space Odyssey, Horror: The Shining, Comedy: A Fish Called Wanda, Cop: Sharky’s Machine, Action: First Blood, Action-Adventure: Raiders of the Lost Ark, Drama: Gandhi and Western: Once Upon a Time in the West. Okay, top 5 (no particular order) lists coming up. My five favorite actors are Jack Nicholson, Clint Eastwood, Steve McQueen, Harvey Keitel and Samuel L. Jackson. My five favorite actresses are Bette Midler, Goldie Hawn, Scarlett Johansson, Audrey Hepburn and Ingrid Bergman. My five favorite directors are David Lynch, David Fincher, Quentin Tarantino, Alejandro Jodorowsky and Martin Scorsese. I don’t really have a reason why other than I like what/who I like.

 Is streaming going to kill both the theater experience and pyschical media in your opinion?

 I hope that there will always be movie theaters. Nothing matches the experience of seeing a film on the big screen. However, I think more and more small-to-medium budgeted films will premiere on streaming services. It will definitely cut into box office revenue. As for me, I will always see films at a theater.

What five films/fiver stars/fivedirectors do you dislike the most and why?

 Ah, my dislikes. Okay, here’s my Top 10 Worst Movies starting with 1979’s Caligula, In my not-so-humble opinion, that is the absolute worst film EVER! It is a vile, disgusting, degrading, depressing and artless piece of crap. The rest of the list is as follows: (2) Basic Instinct 2, (3) Windows, (4) It’s Pat: The Movie, (5) Gummo, (6) Wild Wild West, (7) Baby Geniuses, (8) Knock Off, (9) Dangerous Game and (10) Born American. My five worst actors/actresses: Tom Cruise, Roseanne Barr, Rosie Perez, Ben Affleck and Steven Seagal. Five worst directors: (1) and (2) are Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, the guys behind lousy spoofs like Disaster Movie, Vampires Suck and Meet the Spartans. The others are Michael Bay, William “One Shot” Beaudine (Billy the Kid vs. Dracula, Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter) and William Shatner (ever see Star Trek V?).

Your Facebook page is rising fast in popularity,what makes it such a hot spot for fans?

 I guess I’m just lucky. I try to make the page fun for everybody. It’s geared towards movie geeks like myself but I also try to make it accessible for casual movie fans.

What is your impression of TV in general?

 For years, I regarded TV as a cultural wasteland. I had no interest in it. As of late, it’s changed a lot. Episodic TV is rapidly becoming popular. Some stories just can’t be told in two hours. Look at Killing Eve and Big Little Lies. My wife and I do a lot of binge watching in the summer. Right now, we’re doing Stranger Things. It’s great. In May/June, we did all eight seasons of Game of Thrones. It was great too.  The other great thing is when a network cancels a good show like Designated Survivor, it might get picked up by a streaming outlet like Netflix. I’d say TV has come a very long way.

The cheetah and I are flying in to catch you hosting a film festival but we’re a day early and now you are playing tour guide,what are we doing?

 If I was to show you guys around Philadelphia, I’d probably take you to some places where movies were shot. Of course, we’d have to go to Philly’s best cheese steak joint, Jim’s on South Street. After that, who knows? Maybe we’ll catch a movie at one of the Ritz Theaters here in town.

I like to thank George for graciously taking the time to talk film and TV with us today. The cheetah and I seriously recommend following George’s Facebook page for Movie Guy 24/7.  Tell’em that we sent you…..you won’t be sorry and you’ll be very entertained! I should have asked George if Jim’s Steaks delivers……..

While the cheetah and I don’t have 10k fans as of yet,we too have a Facebook page called Have Cheetah,Will View which we hope you’ll drop by and join up…

Thank you all for your support,we have a whole new crop of interviews coming including two of my biggest names yet. Stay tuned…….

8 Questions with…………. film buff George Rother of Movie Guy 24/7 Its 3:31 pm Welcome to a another edition of "8 Questions with....." I'm pretty jazzed up for today's interview with George Rother.

[toastedwrittenthoughts]

Funny Work Emails.

I have a story to tell.

So, when I was working at a new publishing company, I found myself in a very interesting predicament. That being that I found my boss extremely attractive, but the man was a downright Prick and it was very hard being his executive assistant, so it kinda cancelled everything out. I had also been applying to jobs everywhere and had a few that looked promising, and after he caught wind of it, he offered to extend the contract that I was nearly finished at the company I was currently working at. He increased the pay, offered me a town car and my own driver, since sometimes my car wouldn't work and access to the company credit card. For what, I don't know.. Now, I have a friend and her name is Amy. I have known her since we went to university together and she and I have emailed each-other probably thousands of times. It started with school projects, boyfriend problems, planning date nights, work frustrations and so on. They would often help me by letting out some steam before the sides of my ears whistled. Until, I made the mistake of sending a certain email.

And this is how it goes.

The second I pulled into my spot at Leighton Publishing, my phone buzzed with my boss's usual morning email.

Subject: What I Need Today.

Coffee. Stephen King’s new book. Reports for the two o’clock meeting. Your signature on the employment extension contract.

You’re welcome.

Michael Leighton

CEO, Leighton Publishing

I sighed as I thrust my phone into my purse as I unbuckled and got out of my car. I’d done my best to avoid that last line on all of his task requests, simply not addressing it via email or simply saying “I need more time to think about it,” if he brought it up during one of our meetings. And even though the sexual tension between us was at the highest levels it’d ever been, I couldn’t afford to let that cloud my judgment.

His overbearing sexiness was not a good enough reason to stay, and the odds of us having sex were slim to none. (Not that having sex with him was a good enough reason to stay either.)

After securing a copy of Stephen King’s newest book from Barnes & Noble and a cup of his favorite expensive coffee, I rushed inside the building and headed right up to his office.

I knocked against his door five times and waited for his familiar, “Yes?” before opening the door.

The second I stepped inside, I felt his eyes watching my every move, and I tried not to make eye contact as I walked over and set the book and the coffee on his desk.

“Is there something on your mind, Miss London?” He waited for me to look at him, and I finally gave in. “Any particular reason why you’re currently mumbling?”

“No, Mr. Leighton. It’s just—” I decided to be honest, to finally get this over with. “I’m not interested in signing the extension contract.”

He raised his eyebrow. “Are you referring to right now, or ever?”

“Ever.” I stepped back, waiting for his reaction, but there wasn’t one. His face remained stoic and he simply picked up his coffee and took a long sip.

“Fair enough,” he said. “Thank you for telling me. After you settle into your office, I need you pick up my dry cleaning from Midtown. There should be fifteen suits and twenty shirts in my name.”

What the hell? “Would you like me to pick up anything else?”

“Not at all.”

I forced a smile and headed toward the door. “Thank you for being understanding about the contract, Mr. Leighton.”

“Anytime, Miss London.”

I left his office and took the steps to my own, quickly printing out the two o’clock reports so I could save time since I had a new dry cleaning mission. As I was stapling the first set of sheets together when my phone buzzed with a new email from him.

Subject: Something Else I Need Today.

My Jaguar needs to be washed. Take it to the place I like in New Jersey, ten miles across the bridge.

Michael Leighton

CEO, Leighton Publishing

Is he being serious?

I dropped my reports to the floor, barely getting a chance to reread the message to see if my eyes were playing tricks or me or not, because he sent me another email.

Subject: And Also...

I forgot to pick up a particular watch I ordered weeks ago on my way to work this morning. You’ll need to stand in line at Audemars Piguet on 57th Street by noon to ensure that I receive it today.

Michael Leighton

CEO, Leighton Publishing

I slammed my office door shut to prevent myself from screaming. I had reports to write for next week, calls to make for meetings for our next quarter and a few companies to call about job interviews for myself. And he wants me to run around and collect his shit like I was a fucking intern?! Dammit! I paced the floor a few times before responding to him with a curt “Ok.” Then I headed down to the private parking garage.

I took the keys from the lock-box and tried my best not to think about using them to leave major scratches against his car, and I quickly slid behind the wheel. Instead of immediately heading toward the dry cleaners, I did something that would have made Amy's face pale if she saw me. I took his Jaguar for a half hour joyride first.

I took my time driving through the city streets, stopping for ten-dollar coffee and charging five cups worth to his card every time. Might as well use it, since he gave me the right too, and I have worked there for nearly 2 years and not once touched the thing. On my way out, I noticed a new line of fashion at the nearby lingerie store, so I took his precious credit card and purchased ten matching sets of overly priced panties and bras.

Screw him...

Still feeling reckless and far less professional than I’d ever felt in my life, I picked up his dry cleaning and tossed it in the back seat. I drove across the George Washington Bridge and sat in the back of a café for half an hour.

I checked my email and saw that my bastard boss had emailed me yet again.

Subject: Timing.

I refuse to believe it takes three to four hours to pick up an order of suits and a watch. Even considering getting my car washed, you should be back by now.

Michael Leighton

CEO, Leighton Publishing

I immediately deleted it and noticed that there were several other new emails in my inbox. Emails I actually wanted to see.

Apple, Microsoft, and Amazon all sent positive, personal messages that all read to the likes of, “Congratulations! You’ve made it to the final round of interviews! We simply need to verify your information and references. Afterwards, we’ll make an internal decision behind closed doors.”

I nearly jumped up from my chair, screaming about my pending freedom. I knew there was no way in hell that I wouldn’t receive a formal offer from at least one of those jobs, and since I was still awaiting to hear back from twenty more, I felt more emboldened than ever before. I felt like I could quit Leighton Publishing right now and leave Michael’s Jaguar in the middle of New Jersey for him to find by himself tomorrow.

It took all of one minute for me to realize that I wasn’t that bold. That, and I needed a way to get back to New York City.

Annoyed, I vented all of my frustration in a long ass email to Amy, and per her previous advice, I deleted it the second I hit send.

Subject: My Boss.

Have I already told you that I hate my boss today?

Sexy as hell or not, this pompous, arrogant, ASSHOLE asked me to pick up his dry cleaning the second I walked through the door. Then he told me that I needed to take his Jaguar to a car wash that was ten miles outside of the city, but only after I needed to stand in a never-ending line to buy some type of limited, hundred-dollar watch.

I honestly can’t wait to see the look on his face two months from now when I tell him that I’m quitting his company and that he can kiss my ass. KISS. MY. ASS.

All those former fantasies about him kissing me with his “mouth of perfection” or bending me over my desk are long over. OVER.

Your bestie,

Mya

PS—Please tell me your day is going better than mine...

SENT.

After driving around and retrieving a watch that dripped with the title TACKY MONEY WASTER, I head back to my bosses newly washed and waxed Jag and pull my phone out and frown at the lack of email's from Amy. Maybe she was busy and hadn't read it yet. Opening up my email, I sent her another one.

Mya

Subject: My email.

Did you get my email from this afternoon?

Your bestie,

Mya

After I got into the car, I heard a ping from my email, it was Amy.

Subject: Re: My email.

No...What email?

Your bestie,

Amy

Subject: Re: Re: Re: My email.

The one about my boss and all the shit he asked me to do today. . I would resend it to you, but I deleted it...

He’s so ridiculous, Amy.

Can I call you in like twenty minutes when I get back to the office?

Your bestie,

Mya

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: My email.

Of course. I’ll be waiting.

Your bestie,

Amy

I slumped in my office chair minutes after returning Mr. Leighton’s Jaguar to the garage. I didn’t bother bringing any of his dry cleaning inside, though. If he wanted those suits, he could go down to the garage and get them himself.

Now, more than ever, there was a huge part of me that wanted to pack up all of my things and never come back. Yet, I knew I couldn’t leave this place without personally telling him to go fuck himself first. I’d more than earned that.

When I’d finally let go of enough anger, I picked up my desk phone and dialed Amy’s number.

“Hey there!” She answered on the first ring. “Are you feeling any better?”

“Not at all.” I sighed. “I don’t know if I’m going to make it to the two-month mark anymore, Amy. I really don’t.”

“You can do this,” she said. “This is just one bad day and I’m sure by the time you get home later you’ll feel differently. Don’t let him get to you. Ever.” There was a sudden loud banging noise in her background. “Ugh! Let me call you right back, Mya. The neighbors are being ridiculous with their music today.”

She ended the call before I could say goodbye, and I heard a ping from my inbox seconds later, knowing she’d sent me one of her usual “Stay Calm” emails.

I opened my email—expecting to see something inspiring, but the second I saw the subject line and the sender my jaw dropped to the floor.

Subject: Re: My Boss.

No, you haven’t already told me that you hate your boss, today, but seeing as though you’ve sent me this email directly, I know now...

Yes, I did ask you to pick up my dry cleaning the second you arrived to work to day. (Where is it?) And I did tell you to take my Jaguar to the car wash and pick up my thousand-dollar watch. (Thank you for taking five hours to do something that could be accomplished in two.)

You don’t have to wait two months from now to see the look on my face when you tell me you’re quitting. I’m standing outside your office at this very moment. (Open the door.)

No comment on your “fantasies,” although I highly doubt they’re “long over.”

Your boss,

Michael

PS—Yes. My day is definitely going far better than yours...

Oh. My. Fucking. God!

I felt all the color draining from my face, and I swear I didn’t breathe for over a minute.

I shook my head in utter disbelief, refusing to accept that I’d sent my rant to him instead of Amy. I refreshed my computer screen again and again, hoping that this was some type of joke.

A loud and sudden knock came to my door and my heart nearly fell out of my chest, but I didn’t get up. I didn’t make a single move.

The knock came again, much louder this time, and this time I heard his voice. “Miss London?” He knocked once more.

I slowly stood up from my desk and looked outside the peephole. Mr. Leighton was looking down at his watch, his face still impossibly perfect and flawless. His lips pressed into an angry flat line.

He looked up from his watch and stared through the peephole, letting his eyes meet mine.

I jumped back from the door and considered my options. I could open the door and listen to whatever he had to say, or I could leave through my office’s side exit door.

It was a no-brainer.

I grabbed my coat, my laptop, and shut down my computer. Then I rushed out of my side door and took the freight elevator down to where I parked my car in the garage. Thinking, It would just be a straight shot from there, right? Nope. Car didn't turn over. It gurgled and then puked. Shit. Thinking I could call A cab I take out my phone and remember that I had access to a town car, which, though I never used it, waited everyday out in front of the garage. Perfect! My driver eyed me suspiciously as I literally ran through the garage, but he didn’t protest when I begged him to hurry up and get me home.

I didn’t wait for him to open the door for me or wish me a good day when we arrived. I practically jumped out of the car and rushed straight into my building—making a beeline for Amy’s place.

“Amy?” I knocked on her door. “Amy!”

“Coming!” She swung open her door immediately and pulled me inside. “No need to bang on my door like that, Mya. What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I think I just got fired.”

“What? How do you think you just got fired? You either did or you didn’t.”

“Okay, okay. I didn’t get fired yet, but I’m pretty sure he’s going to fire me. He’s definitely going to fire me. Oh god, oh god, oh god...”

“Mya, slow down.” She placed her hands on my shoulders. “Speak English, slowly. Very slowly.”

“I accidentally sent him one of my complaining emails, a complaining email that was one hundred percent meant for you.”

“Was it worse than the one you sent me yesterday morning?”

“Way worse. I I called him an asshole and mentioned how I used to fantasize about him wanting to bend me over his desk.”

Her face turned red as well, and she opened her mouth to say something, but the sound of my phone ringing caught both of our attention.

I pulled it out of my pocket and damn near dropped it at the sight of Mr. Leighton’s name on my screen. Unsure of what to do, I tossed it onto her couch.

“Is that him?” Amy asked.

I could only nod.

“Do you plan on answering it?”

“No.” I stared at it until it went to voicemail. But then it rang again.

And again.

Rolling her eyes, Amy picked up my phone and hit ‘answer’ before tossing it to me.

“Hello?” I answered, my voice was basically a whisper.

“Hello, Miss London.” The sound of my name falling from his mouth made me take a seat. “Did I catch you at a bad time?”

I shook my head as if he could see me.

“Are you there, Miss London?” His deep voice sent warmth through my face, I felt shame. “Did I catch you at a bad time?”

“Not really...”

“Good. Where are you right now?”

“Oh, um...” I looked to Amy for help, but she was smiling, looking as if this shit was actually funny. “I just ran down to the copy room.”

“So, you’re still in the building?”

“You could say that.”

“I saw you getting in your town car half an hour ago.” There was a smile in his voice. “You’re definitely not in the building right now.”

“Yes, well...Is there something you need from me right now?”

“There is actually, I came to your office this afternoon because I needed to discuss something private and very important that pertains to you and me, but I missed you somehow. So, I need you to come into work an hour early tomorrow so we can have this private and important conversation. Can you do that?” I simply stared at Amy, feeling my impending doom take a large seat in the room.

“Miss London,” he repeated. “Can you do that?”

“Yes...”

“Good. I’ll see you in the morning.” He ended the call, and a large glass of wine was immediately thrust into my hand via Amy.

Shit. Shit. Shit...

She tried her best to distract me from today’s epic mistake by making me watch terrible Netflix shows, and letting me crash on her couch for hours, but it was no use.

As I headed to the office one hour earlier like he requested, I noticed his Jaguar wasn’t in his designated spot. Somewhat relieved, I took the elevator to my floor and unlocked my office—unsure as to whether I should start organizing my things for an upcoming termination or not.

Whenever he decided to bring up my email, I knew I was going to have to choose between three options when I responded. Plan A: Deny. Deny. Deny. Plan B: Deny more. Deny more. Deny more. Plan C: Suck up my pride, admit I was wrong, and hope he doesn’t fire me because I haven’t received an official job offer from anywhere else yet.

It has to be Plan A...

Just as I was about to sit down, my desk phone rang and his office number appeared on the screen. Taking a deep breath, I picked up the receiver. “Yes, Mr. Leighton?”

“Come up to my office.” He hung up without a single word, leaving me confused.

I locked my purse in my drawer and took the steps, knocking three times until his familiar, “Yes?” greeted me and made me open the door.

He was sitting in his chair, his back facing me. At the sound of my heels clacking against the floor, he slowly spun around, like some type of Bond villain.

His suit today was one I hadn’t seen before, a dark grey one that perfectly complemented the new silver watch on his wrist. The watch he’d far too recently made me stand in line to get.

“Have a seat.” He motioned for me to sit in front of his desk.

I sat down and he picked up his coffee, taking a long sip.

“You know, Miss London,” He emphasized every syllable of my name. “I honestly thought you and I were on better terms, especially after working together for over 2 years. But it seems I was clearly mistaken.”

He looked as if he was waiting for some type of explanation in regards to my email, and I still wasn’t sure if I wanted to go for Plan A, B, or C. As if he could sense that I was weighing my options, his lips curved up into a smirk.

I tried to avert my gaze away, even for a second, but I couldn’t look away from him at all.

“Are you going to say something?” he asked. “Or are you going to continue sitting there as if you have no idea what I’m talking about?”

“Is this about me leaving early yesterday?” I settled on Plan A. “I was feeling a little ill, that’s all.”

“This is about a particularly inappropriate email where you make a mention of me fucking you.”

My cheeks were on fire and I knew he wasn’t going to let me avoid this at all. I wanted the earth to swallow me up.

“I’m sorry,” I said, the words rushing out. “I had no idea that I’d accidentally—”

“This is also about...” he said, cutting me off as he raised his hand. “Me possibly needing to go to human resources and file a complaint. A sexual harassment complaint.”

What?

“Sexual harassment is a very serious offense here at Leighton Publishing, Miss London.” He looked me up and down. “I’ve had people fired for far less egregious offenses, and I technically should be doing the same to you right now as that would only be more than fair.” He didn’t let me get a word in. “Especially since I don’t think you fully understand why what you did was so offensive.”

“I do...” My voice was a whisper.

“Don’t you think there would be an uproar with serious consequences?” I don’t honestly know what possessed me to say the word;

“Maybe.”

“Maybe? No, definitely.” He adjusted his tie. “In fact, there would be such an uproar that I think the IT department would be forced to go through all the emails I’d ever sent on any company device since nothing sent on a company server is ever truly deleted. In fact, they’d probably have to investigate and see if this was a one-time offense or a particularly interesting pattern...”

I felt my jaw dropping and struggled to keep my lips together.

“I mean,” he said, looking somewhat serious. “Depending on what they found, they’d have to personally address me and assess the damages. And if the person I was talking about ‘fucking’ in my emails wanted to, I’m sure she could make my life very miserable.”

Silence.

He picked up a folder from his desk and slowly set in on my lap. “Three hundred and sixty-seven emails between you and your ‘bestie’, Amy.”

The first thought wasn’t, Oh no. It was actually ‘That’s it’?

“That’s this month alone.” His voice was clipped. “I didn’t have time to read more than a few of them, but I’m assuming we won’t be seeing anymore of these in our IT database. Or will we?”

“No.” I shook my head.

“Good. I had them all permanently deleted. You’re welcome.” He stood up and glanced at his watch. “Those Roberto files are due before our morning meeting with Lockwood.” He walked over to the door and held it open, waiting for me to leave. What. The. Hell. Just Happened?!?

Avoiding his gaze, I stood up and headed into the hallway. I stopped for some unknown reason as a thought popped into my head that had me asking;

“Can I ask you something personal?” I looked up at Michael.

“Yes.”

“Were any of those stories in the tabloids from last year about you and your.. dates, true?”

“Some of them.”

“Oh.” I frowned. “Really?”

“What are you really asking me, Mya?”

“Is there any reason why you haven’t been featured in one for a very long time?”

“Yes...It’s because I haven’t done any of the things I used to do for a very long time.” He trailed his finger against his lips. “I promised my adviser I would tone down my ‘activities’ for the sake of the company going public in the future.” He paused. “I also happened to accidentally hire a very compelling and sexy distraction working on the floor right below me.” Wait.. Whut? 

“In other words, you slept with your usual groupies in private.”

“I tried to.” He admitted. “But I was honestly too damn attracted to someone else to waste my time on other people.”

“I don’t believe you.” I blushed. “There’s no way you haven’t slept with anyone else since I started working for you.”

“You should, and I haven’t.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I have no reason to lie to you. I even tried getting rid of you when you first started since you were such a distraction, but that clearly didn’t work out.”

“You were purposely being mean to me in the beginning to get me to quit?”

He smiled, silently confirming it.

“That is so...” I couldn’t believe he could look so genuine while saying that. “That is so fucked up.”

“It was.”

“No, is.” I looked into his eyes. “You still act as if you’re trying to get me to quit.”

“Sign the extension and I’ll be a lot nicer.” He smiled at me and I feel a small flutter in my chest. It was genuine. And I smiled in return.

“How about treat me better first and I’ll consider thinking about it?”

“How about both? I haven’t truly been ‘mean’ to you in the past six months. Demanding? Yes. Slightly unreasonable with the scheduling time and getting upset about you refusing to sign my contract? Maybe.”

“Definitely.”

“Fine,” he said. “But I haven’t been ‘mean’ to you.”

“You’ve just done your best to keep me out of your sight and far away from you, because... Why? I ask. He shifted a little before responding.

“Because you were thinking about having me as much as I was thinking about having you.” And I nearly moan.

“Is that so?” I echo, a small flirty smile gracing my face.

“Exactly So.” A smile spread across his face. “I was only protecting myself.” He let me pass and walk out the door with a simple, “See you at 2 o’clock.” I had made it to the stairwell before I hear him call out again.

“And if you have anymore questions, complaints and.. Other things, be sure to email me.” He smiled and walked back into his office. 

[male-model-confessions]

Year in Review It is time for the Year in Review again. I want to start out by thanking all my followers. It has been a long year and I have not been on top of things like I should. I finished my MBA and have been looking for a job. I am sorry this year in review is late. I had trouble deciding how to begin. This year has been filled with so many tragedies and deaths. It seems to me, that there are way more deaths this year than I can include in this post. Everyone in the media is subjected to scrutiny and can influence the world of fashion. I have decided that I will provide a list of the names of the people that passed away. 

January 10 David Bowie, 69, Rock icon January 14 Alan Rickman, 69, Actor January 18 Glenn Frey, 67, Eagles rocker January 23 Jimmy Bain, 68, Rainbow rock star January 30 Frank Finlay, 89, Acting great January 31 Terry Wogan, 77, TV & radio legend February 3 Maurice White, 74, Earth Wind & Fire star

February 4 Katie May, 34, female model February 19 Harper Lee, 89, To Kill A Mockingbird author February 28 George Kennedy, 91, Movie great March 8 George Martin, 90, Beatles producer March 11 Keith Emerson, 71, ELP rock legend March 15 Sylvia Anderson, 88, Lady Penelope March 16 Frank Sinatra Junior, 72, Sinatra’s singer son March 17 Paul Daniels, 77, Comedy magician March 29 Patty Duke, 69, Child star March 31 Ronnie Corbett, 85, Comedy legend March 31 Denise Robertson, 83, TV agony aunt April 6 Merle Haggard, 79, Country legend April 12 David Gest, 62, TV personality April 20 Victoria Wood, 62, Comedian April 20 Joanie “Chyna” Laurer, 46, WWE wrestling legend April 21 Lonnie Mack, 74, Blues guitar great April 21 Prince, 57, Pop icon April 21 Guy Hamilton, 93, Bond director April 24 Billy Paul, 80, Chart star May 17 Guy Clark, 74, Country legend May 19 John Berry, 52, Beastie Boys star May 19 Alan Young, 96, Mister Ed TV star May 21 Nick Menza, 51, Megadeth drummer May 24 Burt Kwouk, 85, Pink Panther star May 31 Carla Lane, 87, Liver Birds writer June 3 Muhammad Ali, 74, Boxing legend June 14 Henry McCullough, 72, Wings guitarist June 19 Anton Yelchin, 27, Star Trek’s Chekov June 24 Bernie Worrell, 72, Funkadelic star

June 25 Billy Cunningham, 87, Fashion photographer June 28 Scotty Moore, 84, Elvis’s guitarist July 2 Caroline Aherne, 52, Comedy actress July 16 Alan Vega, 78, Suicide punk pioneer August 13 Kenny Baker, 81, Star Wars’ R2-D2 August 29 Gene Wilder, 83, Comic genius September 11 Alexis Arquette, 47, Transgender actress September 17 Charmian Carr, 73, Sound of Music’s Liesl September 25 Arnold Palmer, 87, Golfing legend October 14 Jean Alexander, 90, Corrie’s Hilda Ogden October 23 Pete Burns, 57, Dead or Alive chart star October 24 Bobby Vee, 73, 1960s teen idol November 7 Leonard Cohen, 82, Iconic singer & writer November 11 Robert Vaughn, 83, Veteran actor November 13 Leon Russell, 74, US rock legend November 24 Colonel Abrams, 67, 80s chart star November 25 Florence Henderson, 82, Brady Bunch star November 26 Ron Glass, 71, US TV star December 1 Andrew Sachs, 86, Fawlty Towers star December 6 Peter Vaughan, 93, Game of Thrones star December 8 John Glenn, 95, First to orbit Earth December 8 Greg Lake, 69, ELP legend December 13 Alan thicke, 69,Actor, composer, television host December 18 Zsa Zsa Gabor, 99, Actress December 24 Rick Parfitt, 68, Quo Rocker December 25 George Michael, 53, Singer December 26 George Irving, 94, Actor December 27 Richard Adams, 96, Author December 27 Carrie Fisher, 60, Actress

December 28 Debbie Renyolds, 84, Actress and mother.

December 31 William Christopher, 84, Actor

Of course, not everything is about death. Some good things happened this year. I’m going to stick to the fashion world, in this one. 

• More insight and awareness was achieved in the struggles and pressure male actors Cover Girl hired James Charles, the first male model to advertise make up. This is a big step in normalizing the use of make up, by men.

 • Several models, including Jaden Smith, stood up against gender norms and began advertising skirts and dresses

.• Colton Hayes received the visibility award from the Human Rights Campaign. This year has been amazing at highlighting gender issues and destroying gender stereotypes. 

Top five favorites confessions:

1. I think it is important to raise awareness on this matter. It is usually easy to dismiss the idea that men do not suffer from sexism but here is the unglamorous truth and the problem with the social constructs of masculinity. [I think it is important that we address this issue. Sexism is not excluded to female models.]

2. I just saw the BBC report on modelling agencies demanding to end gender pay gap in modelling. The argument is actually very fair, but in the long run male models and their agencies will never see it, because as Ty Ogunkoya (featured in the report) said; nobody wants to speak out because they will lose modelling jobs, and male models are just happy that they’re given the opportunity. [I like this one because It sheds light on a major problem in the fashion industry.]

3. I hate what that person said about Marc Schulze’s girlfriend. She’s super pretty and just because someone’s SUPER attractive (Marc) doesn’t mean that they aren’t allowed to like people who are less attractive. Which I don’t even think she is less attractive. [I love that someone stood up for a model’s girlfriend, rather than tearing them down.] 

4. It’s pretty damn sad to see people say “oh it’d be sad if” or ‘what a waste if “ Ben Allen is gay. People - it’s not a 'waste’ or 'sad’ if someone isn’t heterosexual and you are. That’s you being selfish and talking about a person as if they are 'property’ you could potentially own, and you dismissing their worth based on your personal preferences. Rude! [I agree with this statement on so many levels. It is not sad that these people have a life outside of modeling.]

5. Felix Gesnouin is not ugly at all, i like the fact that he is not dating a model…(like most of male models nowdays) and he is really a funny guy,i worked with him once in London. [I seriously love when people right in and defend the models.]

5 of my least favorite confessions:

1. No thanks. CoverGirl used James Charles as a token. Not groundbreaking…[I disagree. This was a groundbreaking move for CoverGirl.]

2. Ben Allen is so gross, honestly. I was at a small party that he was at and everyone was so uncomfortable around him and no one wanted to talk to him because he was saying some ridiculous shit and acting real fucking cocky. He is hot garbage. [I hate when people completely tear into the models.]

3. I’m so happy RJ King finally came out! I mean, it felt like everyone already knew except him. There were already so many rumors circulating back then. Much love to them both! [I love the positivity in this post, but I don’t like outing anyone.]

4. French model Paul Hameline comes off as over-sexed and lustful, but in a good way that makes you want to rip his pants off without shame. His Instagram is full of nearly naked men, sometimes engaging in sex! I think he has a fling with Jonas Gloer. [His Instagram seriously disturbed me, but I thought this confession was too judgmental on the man’s sexuality.]

5. This is a photo of Kristof Kralik taken by Nicolas Hagius (another male model) that pretty much show how pigs and misogynist some male models can actually. The “funny” thing is right after this Kristof and Nicolas stopped working for some time in the big markets, upto some time ago (Kristof walked Versace A/W 2016). I’ve always wondered what is the real reason why guys become male models, they always say because of traveling and meeting new people, it seems like some of them want to be a douchebag in as many different countries as they can be. [I think the picture was taken out of context. You cannot always judge a picture at face value.]

Well, that is another year in review. I wish everyone a Happy New Year. 

[amusementindustries]

So I watched more videos last night and I’m not convinced I’m asexual anymore. Though I do believe I am mostly demisexual. And after thinking about it alot I have experienced sexual attraction in the past even as a little girl.  I really would love for there to be more studies about this. Especially the influence of racism.

I had lots of crushes as a kid. There was Natwan who got into a fight with Clifford over me at recess. That was the shining moment of my childhood love life. I really liked Natwan. Then I remember having proto sex fantasies about George Michael when “I want your sex” came out. haha Then in 3rd grade I was OBSESSED with this Romanian boy in my class named Matt.  I’ll always remember him.  I can say the demisexuality was burgeoning as a child. Because I remember I was grossed out by both Natwan and Clifford before but after they fought for me I developed a hard crush on Natwan because he won the fight. 😀 Also, there was the kid named Jovan that I hated cause he smelled like pee and used to follow me around sometimes but then after a while I kinda started to like him because he was just around so much. like the sexual attraction always followed an emotional connection.

As I got older and especially after I moved to Mississippi I got the ugly girl script which began to suppress me sexually.

I stopped talking to boys when I was in 6th grade because they all had collectively decided that I was ugly.  I remember I had a crush on a boy at school and when I talked to him on the phone I described myself differently than what I was because I knew he would think I was ugly. Then my worst nightmare came true when he found out how I looked and told everyone “this ugly girl likes me” and everyone in the whole school made fun of me for what felt like an eternity.

Like I AM SURE this experience was not healthy for my sexual development...

2 people molested me when I was growing up. That’s the first time I’ve ever put that out publicly but yes that did happen. I never carried around a lot of trauma about it. But I AM SURE all this was not the most healthy thing for my sexual development... 

As a teen I knew I was “ugly” so I did not even pursue any relationships to save myself the trauma of rejection but a lot of guys would flirt with me privately. In 10th grade there was this guy in the band with me and I would meet with him in this weird storage room and he would just grope me and do weird stuff to my body and I would just let him and then we would just leave the room and never talk about it and never even talk to each other. It was so weird. Then one day it just stopped, he graduated I guess. I remember thinking he wasn’t that cute but he was a couple grades higher than me and I was horny and curious so I just did it. But it was honestly such a strange experience.  We NEVER kissed.

In 6th grade this girl at my school was visiting the apartment next to mine and she invited me over for a sleepover. She turned on some porn and like started groping me and again I just let her do it. Then she took her clothes off and told me to hump her.  I did for a minute and then stopped. I felt really uncomfortable about it and she called me boring and masterbated and fell asleep.  I guess I was curious but just not that into her. LOL. I remember feeling so weird every time I saw her at school.

But for my whole teen life i had no voluntary healthy mutual sexual experiences.  But I did want them. I just feel like being an “ugly” person put so much fear in me to even try and it made me distrustful of anyone who did pursue interest in me because I thought they were trying to play a trick or just use me for sex but keep me a secret like so many had done in my past.

I don’t want to blame my mom for anything becuase she did her best and was always true to herself and will never fault her for that. But she was maybe too open with me about her sexuality when I was growing up. She talked about sex so much and it always cringed me out. She always had this attitude like I’m a grownup and I’ll do what I want and you’re the child and you don’t get to run me so deal with it. She always had different boyfriends and paraded them around in front of me.  On my 12th birthday my actual 12th birthday party I had friends over for a slumber party and she had sex with her boyfriend in the next room. I was mortified.  

I AM SURE this experience was not the most healthy for my sexual development.

But then what was weird was that suddenly in my 20s I wasn’t the “ugly” one anymore. Like I was still ugly to a lot of people lol oh and Fat. There was always somebody commenting on my body being bigger than usual. But during this time I also just felt more carefree and confident soI temporarily got assigned a different narrative and I felt free to sexually explore again.  But by then I still had so much fear and phobia that it never worked like it should have.  And also people were still racist and even if they would date me or even fuck me they didn’t take me seriously as a long term partner. Like every guy I liked (black, white, or otherwise) ended up with some non-black girl or really light skin black girl. So I just learned to not want people who didn’t want me. And A LOT of people didn’t want me. So i had to also process that into my sexual choices. So it was just always dysfunctional. I was constantly censoring, monitoring, modifying my own sexual impulses. Until eventually they all just went completely internal or just turned off.  

Like I’m sure a psychologist would look at these combined experiences and diagnose me with some sexual PTSD or some shit IDK.  

Like there has to be some separate category of asexuality for people who have been pathologically rejected by society based on their looks. Like would I still feel this way if people had just treated me like a human and not some ugly sex toy? Is it fair to other “asexuals” who did not have negative experiences like this but are still asexual to say that I am asexual because of trauma.  Maybe I’m just traumatized and not asexual.  

Idk. Its all very weird. I’m done thinking about it for now.