#honestly gave me high expectations for this site tbh

[unfortunatesenseofhumour]

Fun fact! This was my first day on tumblr!

... yeah I had no fucking clue what was going on. I thought everything was Just Like That.

(yes I know I'm new here, mock me relentlessly)

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED ON NOVEMBER 5TH AND WHY IS TUMBLR FREAKING OUT I AM SO CONFUSED

Oh, bless you for not knowing haha

November 5th 2020 was one of the most absurd days in internet history, and frankly, in overall history.

So the world is trembling over the US election right. The votes are being counted, everyone is on edge and even over here in Europe, people are holding their breath because whoever wins this election could change the earth as we know it. Around that time, the third wave of Covid hits (I think), and sends us all back into lockdown.

Then, on Nov 5 specifically, there's this moment where Nevada's votes could make all the difference (that's why sometimes, Nevada pops up in the shitposts too). And Nevada is slooooow. The results aren't coming in, and everyone is constantly checking for updates. Also apparently, Georgia and Pennsylvania are turning blue (democratic) for the first time in ages (or ever? don't know, I'm not that familiar with US history) but anyway, it's unprecedented.

On the same day, the romantic relationship of Dean Winchester and Castiel (Destiel), two characters of the show Supernatural, becomes canon after 15 seasons...but in a really weird way that is dissatisfying to most of the fandom (I think. Not in that fandom either). Now the fandom in itself is huge though, one of the biggest fandoms on Tumblr ever, and there's this sort of massive Spn renaissance happening that just consists of...complete disbelief lol.

On top of that, rumors of Putin's resignation arise, being widely spread through the Supernatural fandom's Destiel shitposts. This, again, could change world history if true.

And at this point, everyone's just going crazy-town banana pants.

Because of the sheer absurdity.

AND I LOVE IT.

Because one person summed it up in the following sentence that went viral and honestly explains best what the heck happened on that day:

And this sentence MAKES ME COME ALIVE. Because DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY FACTORS HAD TO WEIGH IN FOR SOMEONE TO UNDERSTAND THIS REFERENCE????????????????

It's a meme consisting of at least 5 other events to explain the 5th of November feeling. The peak comedy being that this is the first sentence of "My Immortal", the worst fanfiction ever written, implying that November 5 2020 reads exactly like that.

It's a cultural treasure, that's what this is.

And I'm just like...WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE. WHAT A TIME TO BE ON TUMBLR. WHAT AN HONOR TO WITNESS THAT TRAINWRECK OF THE US PULL ITSELF OUT OF THE DIRT AND LIVE ANOTHER DAY. ALL IN THE MIDST OF A GLOBAL PANDEMIC. FAITH IN HUMANITY RESTORED. RELIEVED FOR ALL MY US MUTUALS.

HAPPY DESTIELPUTINELECTION DAY ANON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sedated-love]

Camboy Bakugo

I’m thinking this is probably going to end up being a two part piece tbh! I’ll see how well this one does and then decide if I continue it or not based on that...So if you wanna see more, make sure to give this post some love so I know! <3 

Hope you guys enjoy! Also if you have any suggestions for what I write in the future, please feel free to leave them in my ask box!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Don’t tell me you’re getting off on this, pervert”

Bakugo huffed softly, looking back at the camera where his comments were currently going insane over his current situation. He was bent over his bed with his skirt flipped up so the camera could clearly see the small pink butt plug resting prettily between his cheeks. He spread his cheeks more with his hands, giving a better view as he rolled his eyes, acting like his audience were the perverted ones when he was the one filming himself doing such lewd actions.

He started camming a couple of months ago to help pay for his college, but he hadn’t expected to blow up like he had. It had only taken a couple of weeks for him to become one of the top cam boys on the site and he was able to quit his part time job to focus completely on camming. The popularity had taken him by surprise, but he wasn’t exactly complaining. He had come to really enjoy the attention that came with the job. Not to mention it paid extremely well. There were times he would make more money in one night than he would have in two weeks at his part time job.

It was like there was something about his standoffish personality mixed with his looks that had people intoxicated. He found that once he gained a follower, they seemed to always come back for more no matter when he streamed. It was something that fueled his ego and had him become more and more cocky every time the camera turned on.

“Is this what you wanted, asshole?”

He tugged softly on the plug, biting his lip as he could feel the stretch against his entrance every time he did. “Fuck, I bet you were just waiting to watch me play with myself today, weren’t you?” He pulled out the plug, a lewd pop filling the room when he did so which just turned him on even more as he made sure to spread his legs wider so the camera could get a good view of his now empty hole that was practically begging to be filled.

“Since I’m feeling generous, I’ll let whoever the highest bidder pick which toy I use today~”

He hummed softly to himself as he watched the money start pouring in through his comments. He noticed his regulars always made particularly high purchases on nights like this. He had gotten good at figuring out exactly what to say to have them melting right into the palm of his hands and considering the numbers he could see popping up on the screen, it looked like tonight was going to be a good work night.

“Let’s see….”

He got up just to take a closer look at his computer, a soft smirk crossing his lips when he saw ‘ManlyKiri69’ was the person to donate the most money. What kind of username was that anyways? “Alright ManlyKiri, as promised, what toy am I going to be using tonight?” He sat back on his bed, letting the skirt ride up on his thighs as his hard on was prominent under the thin veil of fabric.

He found that he didn’t even have to explain what equipment he had anymore as his regulars seemed to have all of his toys memorized and in all honesty…a lot of his toys were sent to him from his regulars. He could already feel the heat rise to his face when the comment from ManlyKiri came through, deciding his fate. He had honestly never even used the toy or shown it on camera because…well it made him a bit nervous but it quickly became obvious to him that this user must have been the one to send it to him if he knew about it.

“P-Pervert…wanting me to use that, huh?”

He could barely keep the flustered look from his face as he went and grabbed the unopened box the toy came in. It was a dildo, but it was…large. The eight inches in length didn’t bother him but it was the 3-inch girth that had him anxiously rubbing his thighs together, not sure if he could really take all of that without breaking…

He popped open the packaging, pulling the toy out as he sat back on his bed, biting his lip as he watched the excited comments start rolling in as soon as the chosen toy was shown on screen paired with a comment that had his heart pounding in his chest and his face bright red. ‘If you can’t handle it, you can choose something else’. Bakugo could barely believe how cocky this user seemed to be as he huffed softly, his competitive nature getting the best of him as all his anxiety seemed to be wiped away when he read that comment. He wasn’t going to let some horny asshole get the better of him.

“Shut up! I can take your toy and more!”

He scowled softly as he grabbed his lube, thoroughly coating the toy in the slick liquid. He always made sure to stretch himself before his streams so he wouldn’t have to go through the trouble of doing so with an audience but now he was starting to wonder if he shouldn’t have spent a little more time on it today… It was too late now though; he was already determined to prove that asshole that he could take the toy no issues.

He wondered for a moment how he should position himself. On one hand doggy style would give a perfect view of his hole being stretched wide but he knew just how much his audience seemed to love seeing his face whenever he fucked himself with a toy. He sat on his bed, bringing his legs up so that he had perfect access to his entrance while still sitting up for the camera to see. He used pillows against his back to keep himself propped up as he lined the head of the toy up with his entrance.

Just from pushing the tip against himself, he could already feel how thick it was compared to what he was used to but there was no way he was going to back down now. Not when he had a point to prove. He slowly started to push the toy inside of him, his eyebrows furrowing his and his face twisting in a mix of pain in pleasure as he was stretched so wonderfully by the large dildo.

The pain of being stretched so wide just seemed to lace with the pleasure, making his entire body jerk slightly as he slowly kept sliding the toy in until he managed to take it to the base. His toes curled slightly in pleasure when he finally pushed it all the way in, his entire body feeling so filled to the brim in a way that he had never experienced before.

His normal cocky attitude was no where to be seen as he practically forgot that he was filming all together, now just completely focused on that stinging pleasure that was coursing through him from the huge dildo that should have split him in two yet he took like a grade A whore. He let out soft little whimpers, bucking his hips back as if he was begging for more friction but there was no one else there to give it to him besides himself.

He pulled the dildo all the way out to the tip before slamming it back inside, letting out a soft squeal of pleasure as it forced its way so deep inside of him. His body began trembling ever so slightly in pleasure as the comments started flooding with remarks of the unfamiliar submissive look written all over his face. Bakugo was always usually taking a toy or jerking himself off in his videos but he was best known for his bratty aura…but now he seemed to have broken slightly as he continued thrusting the girthy toy into his slutty hole.

“D-Don’t get too cocky…”

He caught his slip up, trying to put back on his bratty behavior but it was hard when the toy was hitting so deep inside of him with every thrust, making his eyes cross and his tongue hang out every time he hit just right. He normally only gave soft moans and slow thrusts to drag out the stream but right now he couldn’t help but pound the toy inside of him, arching his back in pleasure as a song of loud moans left his lips shamelessly.

He completely forgot his competitive drive from earlier as now the only thing he could think about was chasing his own pleasure. He started thrusting into himself faster, almost as if he didn’t remember that he was filming in the first place. He was normally so actively speaking to his audience, making sure to interact with them and keep them involved in every move he made but now it was taking everything he could just to get out a coherent curse as he absolutely melted under the abuse of the toy.

He never let up for a second, pulling the toy all the way out to the tip only to slam it right back inside, forcing himself to feel just how full he could be with every thrust. He could already feel the familiar heat boiling in his stomach from the rough and fast pace. He normally tried not to cum too fast just to ensure all of his viewers had time to get to his level but all he could think about right now was his own release.

He pushed the toy into himself faster, his arm starting to feel sore from just how brutal of a pace that he set but he couldn’t bring himself to care as he squealed and moaned loudly, his cock throbbing against his stomach. It didn’t take him long before he cumming harshly, his toes curling and his eyes brimming with tears from the pleasure as he coated his own chest with his orgasm.

He couldn’t help but let his body go limp as his vision whitened momentarily from the pleasure, leaving him a panting wrecked mess as he hadn’t even realized the tears that had started streaming down his face until he slowly came down from his high. He whined ever so softly as he pulled the toy out of himself with a lewd ‘pop’ before he sat up to look at the screen, his face flushed dark red in embarrassment when he realized just how carried away he had gotten.

Though nothing could compare him for what he would see on his screen. His viewer count was almost triple the normal amount along with the amount of money he had received and written boldly for him to see at the end of his comments was from RedRiotKiri, another top cammer, which said, ‘let’s collab ;)’.

He didn’t know why he hadn’t seen it earlier because now there wasn’t a doubt in his mind that the ManlyKiri user from before was RedRiotKiri. He just never thought someone so praised in the camming community would ever be watching him but now that he commented on his main account it was obvious…was he planning for this all along? Is that why he bought Bakugo that toy in the first place? He couldn’t help but smirk as he gave his outro before winking softly at the camera, unable to help himself as he gave one final message.

“And Kiri…You wouldn’t be able to handle me~”

[bisluthq]

this is like really random but i have to vent. so basically i’m 20 years old and in my second-year at a uk university. and like i had the worst first-year of my life, made no friends, and got long covid plus really bad depression so yeah it wasn’t great. and now im back at uni i just am really feeling my lack of experience. iv never even properly kissed anyone let alone had sex and all the drinking games etc revolve around sex. i’m pretty sure i’m bi just like based on what i masturbate to but i’v only ever looked at guys as potential relationships. i just like don’t know how to navigate the social world with no friends and no sexual experience, it just feels impossible. and all my friends from home (1 of which is at uni with me) have boyfriends or at least have had sex. and also clubbing feels totally revolved around sex and kissing. it’s really hard to admit to people that i’m a virgin because people assume i’m a prude or a weirdo when i’m not i just haven’t really had the opportunity. i’m just feeling like such a loser atm. oh aaaand i actually really want a boyfriend rn.

Firstly, this is totally normal and nothing to be ashamed of. There’s no timeline for these things.

Secondly, so this is going to be a long winded Agony AuNat but sometimes I think my best ones are. In a way, this reminds me of a friend I had like 20-21 at uni. Basically we became friends because I caught her forum role playing and I was like “lmaoooo I used to do that too!” and we like bonded over it and like very quickly I began realizing that she did it on the kinds of sites me and my online friends laughed at because they weren’t ⚡️aesthetic⚡️ or sexy. Like this was some high fantasy bullshit lol - no offense also cool - on like ProBoards when we were already in the Jcink era. Anyway no biggie. This girl - a horse girl at 20 still and not in the rich bitch way - proceeded to like… idolize me and obvi y’all know how much I like attention so I loved it. And one night she asked me for advice on how to get kissed because she had been like… really wanting to lose her virginity but things just weren’t happening. I proceeded to give the worst advice ever because I too was just a young un. I said “don’t worry it’s gonna happen for you!!! Like I’m sure your crush likes you!! Don’t stress you’re so pretty and sweet!” And I believed I was saying the right stuff and it comforted her ngl so I was like 👏🏻👏🏻 go Nat you’re the best at giving advice.

Except here’s the problem - it still wasn’t happening. She was going to parties with me and I was like dressing her sluttier like some weird teen romcom movie where I was giving her a makeover and like… no one was biting.

And then - for those who remember the Nat Cinematic Universe - it turned out that rando from my 21st who I randomly fucked? Ya dudes that was her crush lol and she hadn’t told me because she thought I’d figure it out lol and she was mad at me and we sorta stayed friends until I fucked that guy’s friend which was nbd to anyone involved because my bestie fucked him and tbh I fancied the friend because he was this average sized weedy dark haired boy who was very weird looking and she exploded at me and called me a slut and shit and that was that, friendship over.

Unsure what happened next, but the reason I’ve given you this backstory is from my current POV I gave extremely bad advice so I’m gonna try correct with you tonight.

Unless you’re in high school when friends of friends can go between people and say you have a crush, and then you text them and like bam you’re exclusive, you have to work to get ass or make friends. Okay the other exception is if you’re like SUPER hot idk about that life, but tbh probs even then. Life isn’t a teen movie, and you’re not gonna just catch someone’s eye and that’ll be that. Dressing nicely might be part of it, doing your hair and makeup in whatever style you want, and making it clear up front - especially at uni when imo branding™️ matters a lot - what your interests are and such shit all factor in. I’m not saying change who you are because again that’s supremely bad advice: figure out who you are. Figure out what you want to wear (experiment!), who you want to talk to (strike up convos on campus!), what you like doing (try things out!) and - most importantly - what you’re comfortable with. Try drinking - and if you don’t like it, don’t do it. Try flirting - and if you don’t like it, know that you can go from friends to this and not everyone enjoys that. Try clubbing - and if you don’t like it, know that there are a ton of societies you can join on campus and campus events you can go to that don’t revolve around that, so seek those out and find your tribe.

Fundamentally, college is what you make of it.

Which means that like unfortunately my dude, you’ll make a fool of yourself. Probably more than once.

But know that friends won’t manifest and boys won’t manifest unless you make an effort and put yourself out there. Ask people to coffee. Ask people to the pub. Girls, boys, enbies, whoever.

Re the anxiety about “never having done this before” - I think that’s totally normal. But also like lots of other people haven’t and everyone has had a first time. In drinking games you can lie lol. You don’t need to advertise it’s your first time for anything if you’re uncomfortable with it. I didn’t tell my first kiss he was my first kiss lol because it was unnecessary info for him tbh (it wasn’t hs boyfriend even tho I’m pretty sure I was his lol but he was my third 😌).

But you also don’t need to be shy about it because honestly 2nd year uni is so fucking young. It’s not like you’re coming to me as a 40 year old virgin and asking for advice (again no timeline but I’m not there yet so maybe not the right person to give it). Most of the people you’re hanging out with haven’t had a ton of sexual experience either lmao. On my 20th birthday I had been with exactly two people, my Angel boyfriend (in hindsight) hs ex and the Rabbi’s son (literally no one’s Angel boyfriend but hopefully he and his tiny dick are married now and Mazels if so) who I fucked a few days after we broke up to prove a point. I was a bad lay (and remain so with guys unless they’re into The Hiddles Experience, not for lack of opportunities, but because we don’t have to master all things). I also - unlike you - had never masturbated. I’d never had an orgasm. I liked sex with hs ex but couldn’t explain what I liked or why, it was just fun sometimes and other times it wasn’t. (In hindsight with clit action it was fun and with pure thrusting it wasn’t). So the fact that you have wanked already gives you a head start over many of the girls guys will be meeting.

So like… figure out what’s comfortable for you. Try different things out. Walk away when you don’t like it. Never do stuff that goes against your values. Don’t be overly shy in ways that wind up making you uncomfortable, like with the story that started this, and don’t expect these things to happen if you make no effort. That applies to friendships and ass alike. And sometimes what you think will be ass will turn into friendships and sometimes what you think will be friendship will turn into more. Let it. That’s what uni’s for.

Final point: try reduce the pressure of having a boyfriend. It’s fine if it happens, but since as you say you’re not a prude, it’s fine if it doesn’t. It will eventually. Try go into encounters with the open mindedness of “this could be ass, this could be friendship, this could be more” and like clear eyes full hearts can’t lose tbh.

Final final point: join societies. Join all the societies. The best way to both get ass and make friends and make friends discussing the ass you’re getting is by joining societies.

Good luck, hope this helped, love you lots and enjoy this year and the next (and beyond if you choose Honours or postgrad).

[maman-suho]

WHAT IF - Got7 members were cursed and became girls for one day

Version française

(Stupid) Plot : Once upon a time there was anti witch. One day she send them a letter saying “Because I wish you could understand what it is to be a woman before singing shi*** stuff like Girls Girls Girls, be prepared to turn into girls for one whole day. Good luck.”. And the day after, all got7 members were turned into girls. 

Note : When I say girl  I mean, physically. They’re still theirselves on the inside.

Words : 1140

While Mark had woken up without realizing it, Bambam instantly felt the difference

Immediately he touched his boobs 

but then realized he doesn’t really have some cause he’s still skinny as fuck

and as soon as he got up, he tried his clothes

just to realize they still fit him perfectly 

Because indeed, the difference wasn’t that big

Witch is not the case of Yugyeom... poor boy

He might have big breasts, his oversized sweaters made him feel like a flag

and turned him into a clumsy mess

this guy even tried to dance, but felt terrible because he doesn’t have a bra

and god knows it hurts

so he stopped

And when Bambam arrived (on high heels, of course, cause he’s sassy and bc shoe lifts are overrated when you’re a girl) they started to do shit tgt,

comparing theirselves and screaming w/ high pitched voices (help)

The noise had attracted evil Jinyoung

who wanted them to shut up

But he got instantly whistle at by Jackson.

“Nice ass!” he said by raising his eyebrows

Jinyoung smiled against his will because wang gae park gae for ever ykwim

Jackson would be a really sexy girl tbh

Like a curvy fit girl

and everybody would know that fact because

he would have shared it on ig

in a story, w/ a bikini and a wicked smiley,

tagged “too cool to be a woman guys! Am I hot?”

And everybody would agree, of course

Everybody except Yugyeom, 

because while Bambam started to polish his nails like he already did as a man 

the maknae started to feel pain in his lower abdomen

and soon came out of the bathroom panicked

because he peed blood

“You didn’t peed blood, you have your period” answered Mark, absolutely neutral

Jinyoung would have laugh so hard 

and then be (gently) hit by Yugyeom

“That’s not funny it hurts like hell!”

And when a web site (because they had to search on internet to be sure) mentioned he had to go to the convenience store to buy sanitary pads

Yugyeom blushed

So Jinyoung accepted to go w/ him

And Jackson too because it’s so funny to be a girl

“I got accosted three times on my way here, be careful guys, men are dogs.” said Mark before they leave

An awkward silent had then invaded the room before Bambam spoke.

“Hmm... Usually we’re men, do you remember?”

“Honestly, when I look at you I don’t see any difference.”

Awkwardness then vanished w/ laughs, they left 

But on their way to the store nothing happened even if they clearly understood why Mark had to face that situation

In fact Mark was really fabulous as a girl,

even dressed w/ oversized men clothes

When they arrived at the convenience store Jackson bet he was able to get the checkout boy phone number, and leave

to start flirting with him in an awkward provocative way

Meanwhile Yugyeom and Jinyoung had difficulties to decide on what type of pads they had to buy

Then Jinyoung saw a guy behind them,

he was clearly glaring at Yugyeom ass

so mode ‘mummy Jinyoung’ now activated, he yelled at him, with a terrifying expression

“Hey ! What are you looking at you little...”

And the guy, scared to the bones, left without a word

while Yugyeom couldn’t help but reddened

“Mark was right. I didn’t know men could be that horrible...” he concluded w/ a sigh before

Jackson came back, a phone number in his hand

“I got a number from a guy !” he exclaimed when they came back

“I guess he gave it to you because you intimidated him w/ your muscles...” said Bambam with a laugh

“It’s cool to have muscles, even when you’re a girl you know.”

But then the room became silent, every new comer paralyzed in amazement, 

their eyes stucked on Youngjae sat on the sofa

“Damn Youngjae” said Jackson while Yugyeom only breathed a “wow”

Indeed Youngjae was stunning, looking even more beaming as a girl than usual

His face fitting perfectly to be a girl, and a really cute one

“What?!” He abruptly asked, not girly anymore

“Nothing you’re just... wow!”

“Yeah.” said Bambam. “Hyung, honestly, I think I would have flirt w/ you if I was a boy” he stupidly laugh.

“I think you better called him ‘unnie’ now” laugh Mark while Yugyeom escaped to the bathrooms

After a while everything was calm again

Bambam had brought up the idea of sleeping with a man to check the difference

after Yugyeom expressed with his unbearable voice how it’s horrible to have periods.

They started to make a list on who’s the sexiest, the prettiest and the cutest member

then planned to go out to have a drink as girls

before Youngjae asked where’s JB

“He locked himself up in his room since the morning. He said he had work to do”

But everybody knew it was fake

Jaebum was just dealing with losing his virility, alone

like he couldn’t even go to the studio to do music cause his voice wasn’t okay

“I’ll stay there” he has asked when Jinyoung and Youngjae came to know if he was okay and if he wanted to go out with the band

“I have an idea to hurry up” suddenly said Mark “Bambam, just come here and disrespect the hermit!"

So after the fake maknae enjoyed being a little shit for a minute JB exited his room

“I knew he was hot! Bam you owe me 10!” exclaimed Mark.

And he was right, Jaebum was hot. Blasé, but hot.

“Okay I’m out” he said turning around to go back to his room

But Jackson stopped him, and soon they we’re all out, having a drink together

But they forgot they were girls

and they didn’t expected to not holding their drinks as good as before

so soon every of them was drunk

They started to approximately sing their songs to check if they have a better future as a girls band

And then the waiter accosted JB to say he was cute

So Jaebum died from shame, 

hiding himself in his sweater

and disappearing under the table

Bambam even took a picture

Then started the drunken debate ‘Is it cool to be a girl?”

Opposing the team “No it sucks” w/ JB, Yugyeom and Mark

against the “It’s soooo cool omg” including Jackson and Bambam

while Youngjae and Jinyoung stayed indifferent

because as Jackson said “of course it doesn’t change anything for you. You still have a peach booty and you a cute face...”

So on this wises words, the day ended 

And this is how got7 spent their day as girls.

[antivanbrandy]

this is... very long. read more at your own risk xD

honestly that addition to that post is really shaking me up because like, holy shit, this is something i have been beating myself up over for a long time. and in before any assumptions, no i do not begrudge these kids their skills or their success, it’s awesome they’re doing so well, and yes i support them, and no i don’t see them as competition! but i am absolutely my own hardest critic and i am constantly disappointed in myself, constantly disappointed it’s taken me 30 years to even start to find the right paths let alone head down them, it’s taken me twice as long to be half as skilled. i don’t have to be competing against others to feel let down by my own lack of progress

it never occurred to me before that i didn’t have a fraction of the readily available resources or support systems of today during my formative art years

i lived in a very strict household. there were two sets of rules there; the ones for everyone else, and the ones for me. i wont go into the guts of it, save to say that my stepfather saw me as competition for my mother’s affection and got satisfaction from taking it out on me

anyway, back on track: even in my earliest memories, i was constantly drawing. all day, every day. but my mother was poor and we didn’t have much. i drew what i could remember of the characters in the disney movies i’d seen, and i had two on vhs, aladdin, and the beauty and the beast. i watched them over and over and drew my lil heart out, but had no real references

when my mother met and married my step father in the mid 90s, the vhs’s were taken away. i was no longer allowed to watch movies, i was not allowed to watch tv. we didn’t have the internet at home, and we had no books. i wasn’t even allowed on the front lawn on my own, so when i say i had no references to draw from, i’m not exaggerating. but i kept on drawing, kept on trying to draw those characters i loved from memory. i did my baby best

in the early 00s i made a new friend at school, and she introduced me to anime. i fell in love with it. she would tape card captor sakura and digimon and bring them into school so i could watch them (we would get to homeroom an hour early and use the tv and vhs player in the room before the school day began). my art style turned into a lanky spiky terrible tryhard anime mess, but i was living. i continued to draw my little heart out, and fill my days with escapist self insert daydreams about my fave animes

this entire time, through both the disney and anime phases of my life, i was going through roughly an entire 500 sheet ream of printer paper every month to two months, as that’s all i had to draw on. i’m not exaggerating when i say i drew a lot. every spare moment i had was devoted to it, and i had huge folder upon folder upon folder full of my drawings

it didn’t affect my grades btw, i was an A&B student

a year or so into this anime phase, i got my first job, and used my pay to buy myself one of those terrible ‘how to draw manga’ books every other payday. i poured over every detail in them, absorbed them like a sponge. they were all i had to reference, all i had to grow from

bloody fucking hell, if i could only go back and slap those damn books out of my stupid, desperate, impressionable little hands, i would. they were poison. they taught me terrible clunky, wildly incorrect habits and practices. they helped crystalise so many bad anatomy habits that i am still to this day trying to unlearn. there’s no doubt in my mind that they, and my naive lauding of them, helped me stagnate and lost me years of potential progress

my parents wanted me to draw realism, but didn’t seem to understand that to draw realistically i needed to... you know... have references to draw from. i was not allowed to draw them, and i was not allowed to leave the house, and i was not allowed to buy any more books. they saw my inability to pull photo-realistic portraits from my ass memory as a personal slight against them

early-mid 00s i found deviantart through the school’s internet and got my first taste of community among artists, and i was instantly enamoured. i didnt have any art friends at school, it was just me. but suddenly, there was art at my fingertips! i made friends, made small progress toward improving. and then my stepfather found out, stormed into school, and demanded they block my access to the site. they did

i was banned from drawing at home. he took my shitty how to draw manga books away and was set to punish me if i drew. i was also at this time being threatened with being pulled out of school and sent somewhere ‘i had no friends'. i was barrelling towards graduation and my part time job took up most of my free time after school and on weekends, and i no longer had my fun hobby and stress relief outlet in drawing, or my art friends on deviantart. i drew when i could, like in a friends school diary, or on receipt paper at work, but my stepfather had a way of knowing everything and punishing me for all of it (this goes well beyond the art thing, but like i said i wont get into the guts of it because it's bleak as shit)

i left home less than six months after i graduated high school, and i had a brief foray into drawing cutesy gory horror themed stuff, but by then i was so used to not drawing that i just... stopped. i was working myself into exhaustion, going to uni, learning to manage living out of home, partying with friends, and juggling it all with my first serious relationship. finding time to draw felt impossible, and because my entire post-stepfather childhood consisted of me having everything i showed interest in derided and taken away, i was used to just... doing without. i just shut down and lost interest to protect myself, because pining is terrible

i all but stopped drawing for about six years. the occasional geometric pattern doodle while i was on the phone, or an eye. no proper drawings

in the end, the thing that got me back into it was when skyrim released in 2011. and it was hard. i knew i didn’t want to draw anime or kitschy cute horror stuff any more, that i had to find my own style, but it was so difficult to develop. i was in my mid 20s at this point, my shitty habits and expectations felt fixed and i didn’t know where to start. i gave deviantart another shot, but it didn’t feel like it fit any more, everyone i knew there was gone i couldn’t find my place. i met some friends, moved over to tumblr. bought my first tablet for my 25th birthday. bought some anatomy books, loomis and hogarth, but to this day i’ve not read them properly. tried to follow artist’s whose style’s i admired. i finally had access to tools and support i needed to improve

six years later, i’m still struggling. it seems insurmountable sometimes. i know i’ve made progress in that six years, but it feels... too little too late. i struggle with wanting to quit every day, and even now i only draw once or twice a month. the amount of art behind me could fill several landfills, they do make a sizeable chunk of at least one. but the road ahead is so overwhelming, and so long. i don’t know where to really start to get better. i know i should study realism, but at this point, even though i now have the tools, the references, at my fingertips thanks to, y’know, being an adult with internet access, i feel trapped by that little girl who kept getting all her attempts to improve shot down. i still feel like that silly little girl who wasted time and money on learning bad habits and bad anatomy. i feel held back, which is foolish, but i do

to wonder what i could have become with access to all this back when i was a teen? with a little support? i can’t even imagine tbh

but realising that i still managed to make it this far despite being cut off and isolated from any kind of community during my formative art years is comforting, in its own way. the thought of where to go from here is still so daunting, but at least i have access to the means for the time being. and who knows? maybe one day it’ll all click, and i’ll be able to make sense of the mechanics of all this. a girl can hope

[surveystodestressme]

94.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 23

2101. Are you an optimist? i like to think so 2102. If you were in the Breakfast Club, which character would you be? judd nelson 2103. Who do you have no respect for? arrogant or rude people 2104. Is the plural form of cactus cactuses or cactii? cactii Is the plural form of penis penises or penii? penises. 2105. What does your favorite coffee mug look like? it has a chick on it and says biker above it (biker chic)

2106. Have you ever gotten hurt at a concert? some guy elbowed me in the face but it wasn’t that bad

2107. What age do you think it is most difficult to be? early adulthood since youre just figuring everything out and you probably dont have a good job and can hardly pay for bills and all these new responsibilities

2108. Do you like to be considered weird or different? i don’t really care either way 2109. Do you think you could handle a day in jail? nope 2110. Is your body an amusement park? what? 2111. Are dj’s obsolete? not necessarily 2112. What is the best liquid in existence? water. 2113. What is turning out better than expected? life??? lol 2114. Who is the most overbearing person you know? my boyfriend’s mother honestly lol 2115. Who does it surprise you that you are close to? idk 2116. Apparently Eminem got booed at the MTV music video awards because he was making fun of Moby onstage. What do you think of this? doesn’t affect me 2117. Close your eyes. What do you see? nothing? lol 2118. What’s the best Van Halen song? idk any off the top of my head 2119. What do you picture when you hear the word “Puritans?” i honestly don’t picture anything 2120. Have you ever been on a trampoline? yes, but it’s been a while. 2121. What do you use batteries for the most often? camera 2122. What do you find thrilling? when i’m on the motorcycle with jack and he goes really, really fast 2123. Porch swing. Sunrise. What else could you ask for? a drink. 2124. Do you like William Shatner’s cover of Mr Tambourine Man? never heard it. 2125. Where’s the sexiest place to have a piercing? i always thought lip piercings were sexy but now i’m really into nose piercings but only on women tbh 2126. Do you get panic attacks? yes 2127. How long does getting dressed to go to a club take you? the same amount of time it takes me to get dressed in the morning for work lol no more than 10 mins. 2128. What is Adam Ant’s best song? idk 2129. Does your body need improvement or is it just fine? it needs improvement but i’m not unhappy with it 2130. Does watching MTV or reading beauty magazines make you feel bad about yourself? i don’t do those things but nah i don’t think they would 2132. What is the most romantic movie ever? i used to think the notebook, but i don’t know lol 2133. Do you think that woman are treated as second class citizens of this world? yes. 2134. What would you do if you were at a dance club with your significant other and he or she got into a fistfight with someone? first of all, jack wouldn’t do that (i hope) second, i would intervene and not let him make a fool of himself 2135. Has anyplace ever asked you to leave? no. 2136. Have you ever been openly kicked out? no. 2137. Are you permanently banned from anywhere? no. 2138. Who is your favorite movie director? i don’t care about that kind of stuff 2139. What topic do you hate to talk about? politics. 2140. Are you looking forward to the remake of Willie Wonka and the Chocolate factory or do you think it could never be as good as the original? it’s been done & i didn’t like it that much at all 2141. Do you enjoy the band Ministry? idk who that is 2142. What is your coziest article of clothing? this humane society sweater i have, i love it sm 2143. What is your favorite word to say? shit 2144. Does your name and your signifigant other’s name feel like one word to you? nah 2145. Do you like the band the Buzzcocks? idk them. 2146. Can you tell when other people are lying? sometimes 2147. Do you like to wear glitter? i would on my eyelids if i had some but that’s about it. 2148. Would you prefer to wrap your own presents or have them all giftwrapped? i am awful at wrapping presents so i wouldnt mind getting them giftwrapped 2149. Where do you go when you want to meet new people? i don’t meet new people on purpose lol 2150. What is the best first sentence to a book, in your opinion? one of the john green books ad a really good beginning but i cant remember which one it was 2151. Should fun or safety come first? safety. 2152. Does mind over matter work for you? sometimes. 2153. What’s the most weight you ever lost in one year? i don’t even want to think about it 2154. What are your feelings about punk and goth? i think they’re cool 2155. Did you ever write something when you were high and then looked at it sober and realized that it was nonsense? probably 2156. How often do you shave: (guys) your face? (girls) your legs? in the winter, almost never.  but in the summer maybe once a week (girls) under your arms? every week. 2157. What word do you often hear people misuse? idk. 2158. Have you ever used somebody? not that i remember 2159. Are you paranoid? sometimes 2160. What is the best music video of all time? i like some shinedown videos and five finger death punch videos 2161. How many Shakespeare plays have you read all the way through? hamlet, romeo and juliet 2162. What was the deepest religious or spiritual experience you’ve ever had? i thought i saw a ghost once at church if that counts 2163. What is it like to be you today? not that exciting 2164. Do you like to play games? i love to 2165. Have you made any good friends on this diary site? no. 2166. Have you met anyone from open diary? no. 2167. What have you done lately that gave everyone something to talk about? getting drunk and crying over a video game 2168. Do you get along with people who annoy you, disagree with you, dislike you, and hate you? no, why would i? 2169. When you ask for something do you make a request or a demand? request, unless it’s of utmost importance 2170. Who are you a bad influence on? i don’t think anyone 2171. Who are you a good influence on? hopefully my friends. 2172. Who is on your Christmas list this year? just my boyfriend, my family and i adopt a family now so we don’t buy each other presents just presents for people who cannot afford a christmas 2173. How many other people do you know of that are doing this survey? no one that i know 2174. Have you ever intentionally had a one night stand? never had one period. 2175. Do you tend to get car sick? nope 2176. What is the legnth of your hair? very short, buzzed on one side 2177. Do you like to listen to techno music? i don’t mind it 2178. Have you ever dyed your hair an unusual color? red, purple, blue 2179. What do you think of these diary names? Oculto: suffer victim: With A Purpose: Almost_Famous: In.The.Name.Of.Lust: The Phallic Stapler: <*>SeXyCandace<*>: dont care. 2180. What do you think of these entry titles? Lesbians … as far as the eye can see: Why Avril Lavigne sucks: Call On Jesus: Buddha-licious: WeLCome To The JungLe!: Geektastic: Should i get an abortion?: 2181. What do you find beautiful in an atypical way? idk. 2182. What would you PHYSICALLY fight someone over? i don’t know 2183. What was the last thing you were invited to? a wedding 2184. What do you like lots of things 2185. Have you ever drank: chartruese? no. absinth? no. but i want to 2186. Do you plan your outfits ahead of time, pick them out the morning of, wear whatever was on the floor, or wear what you slept in? i usually plan them ahead of time but when i get lazy i just put them together when i wake up in the morning 2187. How long have you ever gone without changing your sheets: a really long time honestly lol clothes: no more than a day. underwear: 2 days max toothbrush: usually monthly but it’s been a couple months and i need a new one 2189. What item should not be shared? condoms? lol 2190. How do you keep control of your temper? breathing deeply before i start talking to someone 2191. If you could gain all of your dreams by giving a family member (little brother) to the goblin king who would turn him into a goblin, would you? yes, my brother lol 2192. Do you like to listen to Duran Duran? i don’t mind it 2193. Do you ever feel the need for MORE than life has to offer? ehh sometimes 2194. What is your favorite children’s story? love you forever 2195. Do you think that adult books should have more pictures? nah 2196. What was your all time low? in high school 2197. Do you make up songs and sing them to yourself when you’re alone? when i’m bored or when i’m cleaning 2198. Do you like to listen to the Smashing Pumpkins? they’re good 2199. Do you see the expression of emotion as weakness? not at all. 2200. Are you prepared in case of chemical, biological and nuclear attacks? not even close lol

[dapperfvck-arc]

How do you run your blog?

Repost; Do Not Reblog

Speed: It really depends. Usually I’ll get to a thread within a week or two at the longest. Given that have several partners that I talk to and plot with daily/weekly, we generate a lot of new ideas frequently and when something takes awhile, it usually got buried by under a crust of new threads and occasional meme prompt ask. My drafts box is like an archeological site, I swear. Sometimes I do have trouble with inspiration for a reply, but usually it’s just a matter of getting wrapped up with my little circle of friends and co-writers.

A side note, during my working week, my productivity slows to a crawl. I’m usually better off in Skype or tumblr IM and may get to a thread or two either before or after work if I’m just not in lurk/shit post mode until I pass out.

Replies: Aesthetically I use extremely light formatting. The first word always bolded and italicized and default size with all other text smaller. I also bold the quotation marks in dialogue because it looks hella cool on my blog proper given that I have bolded/italicized text is a different colour than the rest of the text. It also looks classy af on the dash. Icons for either FC depending on verse or comic caps are used until it gets to nsfw stuff or with some drabble prompts. As for preferences, I’m really quite flexible. Honestly, tho, I’m a multi-para whore and with most threads, eventually they start to get longer and longer. However, unless I can’t parse my muse’s thoughts on a matter or situation, I won’t go in hard and fast on a one-liner or small single para. Unless you’re one of my people, but then again, you prolly already have experience being slapped with my throbbing multi-para hard-on. 

I don’t expect people to match me, and sometimes I may struggle to match length, as well, but I do like to see an attempt. Like if I give you a four para starter, I would prefer not to get a two sentence reply back (some of you are shaking your head, but this actually happened to me in my halcyon days in the community).

Starters: I don’t do greeters, because idk, for me it feels like when a teacher called on you because you weren’t paying attention. Nearly every time I’ve gotten a greeter, I’m unprepared and feel quite suddenly pressed. The RPC is already a ball of anxiety 85% of the time and I don’t want to add to anyone’s discomfort, providing I’m not the only crazy person who reacts to getting a greeter like a distant gunshot. Depending on how clogged my drafts box is and how busy I am, I probably post a starter call every couple weeks and open starters very rarely because like, idk, no one ever hops on them, so I don’t really feel like they’re welcome. In the case of the latter, I only ask that people read the tags. Some open starters are meant for mutuals, particularly ones with some established interaction.

Unless they’re plotted starters (or replies to longer ask box meme responses that I wanted to turn into a thread), they usually start short and often vague. Please don’t keep it vague. It drives me nuts. I want you to present an idea, go out on a limb, whatever (I mean within reason of course, use your common sense, too). 

Inbox: It’s a mess, tbqh. A lot of times I mindlessly reblog or queue memes, especially at work or when I’m out and about on mobile, and then don’t feel like doing them or get excited over certain prompts over others. I will say that I keep things in my inbox for a very long time and might get to replying to prompt weeks to months later. Frequently I will draft ones that I know will be long.

Selectivity: Hoooo boy. I’m pretty fucking selective tbh. I like my partners to be literate and of course be able to enjoy their portrayal/character. That’s not to say I’m not open to meeting new people and interacting with new muses. I don’t need to know your muse extensively to RP with you, but I’m also perfectly willing to educate myself (I’m not going to front, I was compelled to watch both Daredevil and Preacher for the sake of character/canon research, as well as starting to read Lucifer). Also, I mostly RP with mutuals, but again, that doesn’t mean I’m not willing to discover new mutuals, you feel me?

Sometimes when my stress levels are high or I’m drowning in drafts, I tend to be a bit more standoffish and stick to “my people”, however this doesn’t last for long and may be broken by a compelling enough new interaction.

Wishlist item: *pounds table aggressively* CONSTANTINE FAM! AND I SUPPOSE THIS IS REALLY SELFISH BUT I WANT A CHERYL OR GEMMA RP BLOG IN MY LIFE. AND IDEK MAYBE HAVING A CHERYL BLOG WOULD BE BORING AS SHIT, BUT A GEMMA??? SURELY TO FUCK SOMETHING FASCINATING COULD BE DONE WITH HER. Also: CHAS! ELLIE! HELL BLAZER CANON CHARACTERS PLS. 

ahem.

Anyway, idk, I really don’t have a wishlist? I mean, there are certain themes I’m keen to explore. Like my mythological bent to John, and developing certain verses, but like...all things considered I’m just more interested in world and relationship building than ticking off a wishlist of AUs or situations I want to see played out. 

Honest note: I’m fiercely independent, and I don’t put up with bullshit. Honestly, I don’t have much tolerance for drama and the easiest way to push me away is pull me into a vortex of social or interpersonal drama. Been there, done that, and honestly I can be a bit skittish if I start getting a weird vibe. I’m coming up on five years RPing on tumblr and there’s not a lot that shocks me anymore. 

A few more admissions:

-- I love writing ships. When I wrote fanfic, it was 95% shippy stuff. That doesn’t mean it’s all about romance, fluff, and sex, sometimes it’s just how two muses relate to each other or a glimpse into their lives together, but I know my strengths and tend to default to them. This doesn’t mean I’m out to collect lovers for John or am not willing to step out my comfort zone, just that there’s going to be a lot of that stuff here.

-- If we talk ooc, there’s a 100% more possibility that you’re going to get more attention from me both ic and ooc. It’s just a matter of comfort level. Though I might seem together and confident, it’s only really in regard to my writing. I’m intimidated by people who are so much better at being witty and fun and silly on tumblr and chatty about their characters and fandom outside of the constraint of meme prompts or whatever. I guess I’m just afraid of boring people or having followers roll their eyes like “omg Iggy stfu. Don’t you have twenty-odd replies? Chop, chop you anal retentive bitch.” Mind, no one’s actually said this to me, I just have dodgy self-esteem, honestly, and some days are worse than others.

-- If I tell you I think you’re a good writer, I mean it. This is important.

-- If I tell you I’m worried about the quality of a reply I gave you, I’m not fishing for compliments, I’m legitimately uncertain that you’ll like it. Just fyi.

-- I’m bad at writing m/f ships in any expedient manner. I have no good excuse for this other than being queer trash that would rather write about men being in love and lust. And uh, that’s not a good excuse at all. I’m just the literal worst and I’m sorry I come off as not inclusive enough. Honestly, I’m trying to be better about this deep failing of mine.

-- I apologize a lot for things I shouldn’t. Sorry lol

Tagged by: @vamptrampbamf

Tagging: @dcviltongued, @aliasinvestigate, @hittcr, @haharlarious, @riskedfalling, @hawkwxrd, @rageinmybones

[whydoyouthinkileft]

@lovelornrocketscientist replied to your post “okay but every time I try the Myers-Briggs test lately for Jemma I get...”

The fact that social interaction makes her tired and she prefers to socialize with a small group of close friends is really what makes her an introvert. Introverts don't all only like to stay at home and not be around people. It has to do with what gives you energy. Extroverts are energized by being around others not drained by it. Honestly, I think she's INTJ. I'm married to an INTJ and he is the male version of Jemma Simmons, tbh.

uhh I like all of your comments, and I made the tragic mistake of waking up too early and try to nap during the day so forgive me if I misspell anything or who knows what else, but I’m going to answer all at once here

under the cut because it became very long lol I’m sorry Maddie!

I’ll answer the arrogant post first because there isn’t much to say and then write an essay on the other lol I usually write her as arrogant when it comes to her work. As in she is very aware of her knowledge and also her abilities (biochemistry and also in being able to manage subordinates at the lab, for example, but at this point you can add confident that she will make it during missions, that she can pretend to be a different person) and she can have an attitude that I’d call arrogant especially with people she doesn’t like. I write her as having that kind of relationship with Burrows too lol and being also smug, and proud of herself. Also she probably comes off as such with people who work in shield outside of the team (snapping at Nathanson in that way ‘they have more reasons to be here than you’, reminding Fitz and others she ‘won’. She can fits the pattern of insolently proud often, especially when she’s not emotionally devastated like in s2) BUT, on the other hand, she’s extremely insecure in most of other areas. If she’s not a master in something, then it’s likely that she’ll see herself as worse than it is, have a low opinion or low expectations of her results too (it was due to a mix of feelings, but the fact that the first time she really dealt with a medical emergency, Skye being shot in s1, and did everything perfectly well and yet the first comment we heard was ‘I’m a mess’ and Coulson had to reassure her is so Jemma). So basically I think this is part of me writing her with no chill, more often than not there is no middle ground in her reactions: either she’s cocky/smug with people she doesn’t like and confident/proud of herself with those she likes in some areas (if a bit annoying/teasing like when she teases Fitz about having been first place at the academy at last) or she’s extremely insecure and doubts herself in other areas, like emotional ones, or things she didn’t prepare for. 

For the introverted/extroverted thing, I wrote:  and while I don’t think she’s necessarily introverted, that she gets particularly tired in social situation for example, what I meant was that I was thrown off by the fact that she got an E instead of an I, but it’s not because I think she has to necessarily be introverted, it’s not vital headcanon, because I also don’t think she gets drained by social interaction, her behavior doesn’t necessarily screams to me that she is introverted nor the contrary, and her getting energies from being alone instead of being in group wouldn’t exactly change much how I write her. Exactly because like you pointed out, someone’s behavior (liking to be among people, striking conversations with strangers, being good at socializing) isn’t automatically connected to it. People can easily assume that I’m extroverted from the fact that I talk with EVERYBODY when outside, I go into a new class? I befriend everybody, I’m loud, I’m enthusiastic, I seem to have fun at parties, I’m happy to be out etc and people think the two things are connected, meanwhile I’m one of the most introverted people I have ever met and need weeks at time to recover from socializing even if I’m good at it, it destroys me even if I have fun, I like big groups, I do better in small ones, but I’ll do fine either way and then need to recharge a LOT. So while at first I was unsure about Jemma being Extroverted, I usually picture her as preferring stereotypical introverted behaviors, but technically we don’t have a canon proof that she’s drained by social interaction that I can think of? Nor we have proof that she isn’t?  Personally, I think she might be halfway, she doesn’t get particularly drained at all, not the way I do, actually I think she might get energized when talking to lots of different people but it depends on circumstances and what she’s doing; but at the same time she does prefer going out with ‘smaller’ group of friends, though small is relative, for me her group is already big. But regardless of what I believe,  I think the test gave me her as an extroverted person because of two reasons 1) I wasn’t very firm (in a ‘completely’ disagree/agree sense) about how she feels in certain situations because, again, she’s not as extreme as I am and 2) I have the feeling that the answers used to calculate her introvertedness were questions that also involved her ability to give orders/be a boss/manage people/deal with emotions/be self-aware of emotions etc  and she was counted more as extroverted due to her managing abilities. (and hey, when I write Jemma, whether it’s true or not, I make her a very competent boss. At least in her area of expertise, so pre-s1 and between s3 and s4

and the more she started taking control of her life and feeling better, the more easier for her was to deal with people/things. 

and in that site there was no male version, but I started being doubtful because on one hand it very much fit: liking to be in charge, to organize things, likes lots of planning, not so good at dealing with emotions, not so delicate with subordinates, a bit arrogant etc. But because often those traits are also accompanied by being the same in relationship, I felt the need to point out some of the differences because Jemma -and your hubby from what I read! - also doesn’t bring *that* attitude on her personal life, so yes, the tests can’t always fit all details.  Is it ‘effect alone’ the English term for when people assume some personality traits based on others they know? like often they see someone beautiful and associate that with ‘kind’, ‘generous’ or if someone is ‘sarcastic’ they could see them also as ‘disrespectful’ and ‘reckless’? (my best friend is sarcastic and also extra polite in class and careful and doesn’t break rules, but also daring at work, there are no ‘given’ automatic associations of traits) Because I feel that it happens in the fandom too a lot (for example: the current vision of Jemma I’ve seen is to be the one who constantly cleans after you, nags you about only eating healthy and I don’t see that at all? not because I’m personally against the character, one of my fave from another tvshow would do it, but I cannot picture Jemma getting into someone else’s business like that without finding it rude, and if Fitz doesn’t leave shoes in front of the door and makes her trip, I don’t see her as someone who would scold him or pick up his stuff without permission, nor I’d see her side-eyeing someone from indulging in trash food. Yes, she will buy you healthy things especially if someone else already got you a cake, but she also indulges in beer to reward herself from a mission, a lot, and if anything I always had the feeling that while she remembers to take breaks when working in company, she’s the one who needs to be reminded to be healthier and like, drink water. I see her as keeping her stuff tidy and being a Mum Friend when it comes to making breakfast for people or checking on them, but not as an actual mother or believing to be)

 and in this case it happened in the test too, because like you said, not understanding her own emotions too well, liking challenges at work and to be stimulated, doesn’t mean that she will also not be empathetic (or that she always is either) or that friends and boyfriends have to constantly challenge her in a way that seemed even stressful to me when I read the test (I think for example she feels challenged mentally by Daisy’s creativity and particular enthusiasm and approach of life, Daisy doesn’t have to stress herself out keeping her mentally stimulated to keep being interesting, she’s inherently interesting to her and that makes her a friend, among other things) and there were a few sentences also repeating the concept that it’s hard for ENTJ (And I’m assuming INTJ people too) to keep their friendships and relationships exactly because they are so high-maintenance and ‘cold’ and demand so much also from their children because see themselves in their achievements and I don’t see that in Jemma at all, to me it’s coming from assuming that she’d behave the same way in different circumstances. Or maybe it’s just due to my headcanons about her and her family, idk? I think once she loves you, it’s not that difficult for her to ‘keep’ bonds and she doesn’t demand much at all, season 2 was an anomaly due to extreme circumstances. And her mother acted with her exactly the way the test says she would, so there is that too. 

I should read more tests results from other sites to understand it better, but even when you post things she seems to fall right into it (also because usually INTJ and ENTJ people are not that different from what I can see and seriously, given that the most noticeable difference in titles is that she’s a ‘commander’ in one, I think that E depended more on her interest/ability in being in charge than her preference between small or big groups in real life and where her energies come from, from people or alone-time)

[sagemoderocklee]

ugh, i'm on my phone and can't comment on the post. what about jkr writing about draco on pottermore? i stopped digging into the site when it became more buzzfeed-like.

lol it’s probably for the best like i tend to ignore Pottermore too because it just…some of it is great, but some of it is just rlly annoying. 

Like JKR just has this very obvious hate of Draco and the fact that ppl like him/sympathize with him. Like some of what she says is right. Like he was horrible and of course there were ppl who liked him for the wrong reasons�� 

but she basically comes across as being determined to undermine every possible fan who might consider that he’s capable of being more than what his father was. 

She goes over his history briefly and does all she can to basically paint him as the most awful, irredeemable person, despite writing him sympathetically in HBP/DH. For instance: 

“It was, therefore, in the knowledge that he was doing nothing of which his father would disapprove, and in the hope that he might be able to relay some interesting news home, that Draco Malfoy offered Harry Potter his hand when he realised who he was on the Hogwarts Express. Harry’s refusal of Draco’s friendly overtures, and the fact that he had already formed allegiance to Ron Weasley, whose family is anathema to the Malfoys, turns Malfoy against him at once. Draco realised, correctly, that the wild hopes of the ex-Death Eaters – that Harry Potter was another, and better, Voldemort – are completely unfounded, and their mutual enmity is assured from that point.” 

So, we’re supposed to believe that a child has laid out this careful plan to befriend Harry Potter–famous Harry Potter–because he might become the next Dark Lord. Now, I don’t doubt that Draco has his own ideas about this situation, hoping to befriend a famous wizard would be sooooo cool. and Harry’s probably got such strong magic and cool stories and all of these things. like eleven year old Draco Malfoy may have been a brat and a bully and awful, but he was still a fucking child who always probably wanted to be the famous Harry Potter’s friend just like every kid growing up in the Wizarding world probably did. 

She goes on about him envying Harry, being excited by Voldemort’s return–because he has literally no concept of what the reality of the situation is, but i digress–and then we get this: 

“Although Draco had still not rid himself of the hope of returning the family to their former high position, his inconveniently awakened conscience led him to try - half-heartedly, perhaps, but arguably as best he could in the circumstances - to save Harry from Voldemort when the former was captured and dragged to Malfoy Manor.” 

He has a conscience and we are given clear indications of this. This was intentional. He absolutely was trying to save Harry in his own roundabout way. But for some reason, he still feels like he’s got the chance to bring his family back to their former position and for someone who is incredibly intelligent it seems so… wrong? Like he’s just stagnant. He’s experiencing something so horribly traumatic, but his priority is still to bring his family back to their former state. Even if we could say that’s a reasonable thing for Draco to want, which it is, though I feel she’s just being heavy-handed with it, I think it’s ridiculous to suggest he wants anything to do with Voldemort at this point or this view of the world that Voldemort and his father have instilled in him. 

Then: 

During the final battle at Hogwarts however, Malfoy made yet another attempt to capture Harry and thereby save his parents’ prestige, and possibly their lives. Whether he could have brought himself to actually hand over Harry is a moot point; I suspect that, as with his attempted murder of Dumbledore, he would again have found the reality of bringing about another person’s death much more difficult in practice than in theory.

I’ve always had a complicated relationship with the scene in the Room of Hidden Things when the trio are looking for what they think is the final Horcrux and are faced against Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle. I think Malfoy has that desire to of self-preservation, but again this feels very contrary to what he’s been going through for the last two years. I believe that yes he could absolutely convince himself that all he has to do is bring Harry to Voldemort, but I feel like there’s this unwillingness to let him grow as a character, like he has to be completely irredeemable or else. 

The idea that it would be moot if he was actually capable of handing Harry over is just ridiculous. It’s not a moot point. It’s crucial. It’s so important to who he is and what he values and how he’s changed. He wasn’t capable of killing Dumbledore, an old man who he had very little interaction with. So yes, it’s important for us to see that he’d be incapable of handing over someone he has serious history with. How would he feel about any of this??? It’s important dammit, not moot. 

And of course she goes on: 

After the events of the second wizarding war, Lucius found his son as affectionate as ever, but refusing to follow the same old pure-blood line.

That’s great! That makes sense! Although, tbh I think Draco would probably resent Lucius a lot for the shit he put them through. and tbh i think he’d take a long hard look at what led him down that path because if he really wanted to bring the malfoy name honor again he would need to look at himself and see that the way he was raised was beyond fucked up and i think he’d be furious with his parents for that, more so Lucius since he clearly idolized him so much and when the people you idolize disappoint you, fail you, hurt you–it is a deeply personal hurt. 

She ends the whole thing on this note: 

His Christian name comes from a constellation - the dragon - and yet his wand core is of unicorn.

This was symbolic. There is, after all - and at the risk of re-kindling unhealthy fantasies - some unextinguished good at the heart of Draco.

And to me, her tone is what makes me so mad here. 

Unextinguished good. There is good in him and yet she says

that Draco was not concealing a heart of gold under all that sneering and prejudice and that no, he and Harry were not destined to end up best friends.

And all of this is so very contrary and frustrating to me. It is not that I expect him to ever have a ‘heart of gold’ nor for him and Harry to be best friends but her inability to see this potential is what frustrates me. It frustrates me that she is so sure he would continue to collect Dark artifacts and such, say that he is all these things but also has a duality to him that perhaps means he wishes to be a better man–but then never allows him to be that. 

She gave us a cruel, privileged, prejudiced child who grew up to be much more complicated, but she continues to trap him and refuses to accept that maybe fans see more in him because she made him more. 

Authors, for all that they are great and skilled and the ruler of their world, need to listen to fans more often because their fans are also creative and spend so much time imagining the possibilities that the authors themselves are honestly too often incapable of seeing for themselves because of how close they are to the work. She has these feelings, these strong feelings, and I don’t doubt that some part of her really hates the popularity of HarryxDraco for instance because there is no way she could not know about it. But I think she is wrong and i think the way she talks about him is soooo frustrating. 

Draco is not perfect. His actions as a child were sooooo cruel. And fans do forget this. smh i had someone comment on the fic i just wrote acting like Draco had been wronged more so than he’d wronged the trio, and it was wild to read this person’s comments. 

But Draco is not his father. He is capable of being more. Fans see that. She doesn’t. 

[cynthistic]

dont be so fucking salty that yoi was obviously the better anime. making fucking fanart and shit is just not only rude to the fans, but to the whole fucking show. honestly, you're a fucking prick.

Just gonna say right off the bat, ha lmao u thought i’d ignore this but no im too petty. 

Also to anyone who’s interested in my thoughts on the crunchyroll poll results below, please know I am a very vulgar person and that it’s gonna be a L O N G reply.  TL;DR at the bottom. 

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Fucking be tch fight me.  Not gonna deny being a prick tbh, I’m the pettiest and saltiest person I know.  It’s almost as if I make art to express personal disappointment towards something.  Amazing, art for expression is such a new concept.  Instead of telling me what fanart “attacks” your limited view of technical animation elements, maybe create some fanart congratulating YOI for the win. 

Right off the bat, your over-generalization of the YOI fandom astounds me.  What kind of bullshit “!!1! YOI MUST WIN ALL AWARDS! 1!!!” mentality do you have to group all fans with the likes of you.  And I can assure you many of the people I spoke to about this are huge fans of YOI AND feel the same way.  This is an ANIMATION award, not ANIME please read before bashing.  Am I glad that YOI won anime of the year?  Fuck yes, which show do you think I voted for.  YOI is beautiful in an emotional sense and game-changing in culture towards homosexuals.  Best couple?  Victuuri had my heart from day one.  Best boy?  Debatable (im bias towards reigen if we’re gonna be honest here he the tru mvp).  Being a fan of a show doesn’t mean supporting a show in every single category, especially not “BEST ANIMATION”.

Since we’re on the topic of ANIMATION let’s break down YOI first and dispel some ideas behind why people think it deserves the “Best Animation” award.  It told a beautiful story!!!  It has such emotional intensity in almost every scene!!  It’s wonderful in story telling!!!  And directly speaking, I agree with every single statement but story telling is an overview of a show that is highly subjective to each person.  OH BUT WAIT YOU KNOW WHAT ISN’T???  Animation.  Memes aside, YOI’s animation can not be judged purely on single screenshots cause i guarantee all shows will have shitty stretch frames.  However, the technique of storytelling that makes YOI emotionally compelling is not in the technical aspects of the animation itself.  Literally get off your high horse and just watch YOI without any audio.  Literally in every single skate scene, you’re never focused on the animation, only on the narratives and soundtrack of the routine.  Well rounded characters made the show and I swear to god the only reason you’re still focused on the routines is because of the characters and no more.  Aside from detailed butt grabs from Chris and Gucci lips from Victuuri, YOI’s animation is mediocre at best.  And this is on the good end of the spectrum.  “THAT’S SO OFFENSIVE TO FANS HOW COULD YOU?!?!11?”  This is a given fact with the low budget and rushed schedule to release new episode.  A cut in animation quality is EXPECTED.  The YOI team knew this and animation quality was never their top priority as opposed to a compelling and unique storyline so wherrrrr the fu ck is this insulting to fans. 

Now let’s discuss Mob Psycho 100.  You can disagree and hate the STYLE of the animation but you CAN NOT deny the efforts and advancement the show has brought towards the animation industry.  This show ASSAULTED MY EYES.  The emotional intensity of this show was expressed so much more through the animation elements.  Explosion of colors and constant rotating angles provide a whole new dynamic to every single sequence.  Go ahead and claim that “it’s only this way because it’s an action show” all you want but even without fight scenes, the timing of the shots are amazing.  The staggering in Mob’s sprint.  The hallway shot of the Telepathy club walking.  Such simple frames keep me fixated on the show much more than YOI’s parts.  It forces you into this overwhelmed state where you try to keep up with everything that’s happening in the scene and it’s so beautiful with the way it’s all represented.  Best of all, it’s PROGRESSIVE. 

Miyo Sato (click her name for her site) is an artist who works in a non-conventional way.  The whole ENDING SEQUENCE was animated by her.  Those weird sketchy, paintery frames? BY HER.  Do you understand how time consuming and painstaking this animation technique is??? DO YOU??  She essentially shifts drying oil paints around on a glass surface to create the the animation, individually or laid over a 2D animated shot.  It is so rare you see a HIGH BUDGET animation willing to take such creative risks as well as introducing a traditional medium as a technique.  Not to mention, Mob Psycho 100 is the epitome of creative expression.  It’s as if the animators gave zero fucks about the sensory overload for viewers and just shoved it in our faces.  Also my weeb ass basically worships Yoshimichi Kameda.  MP100 is an anime with with a HIGH BUDGET.  And again, you CAN NOT DENY that the animation is on a whole other league compared to YOI.  With the team presented and budget given, it was EXPECTED of them to create such a beautiful piece of art. 

Before you or anyone else try to accuse me of being ��triggered af” look at who was sensitive af in the first place.  I feel very strongly about animation and the doodle was nothing more than a contribution to a running meme and gag between both fandoms.  Am I disappointed????  Fuck yes.  Do you see me bashing other categories cause my votes didn’t win????  At the end of the day, Crunchyroll released a fanpoll that was meant to be a fun “survey” of all anime fans.  Sadly, choices were VERY limited and I wished there were more options for each category.  I was upset that YOI was even considered for “Best Animation” and know VERY well that it was only added to appease the sudden popularity of the show and feed off of the energy of fans.  Unrelated to the two fandoms but I would have also wanted recognition for Ajin with it’s incoorporation of 3D animation.  It’s not everyone’s cup of tea and I highly doubt it would have won, or honestly, deserved to win over Mob Psycho 100.  But it would have been nice to have some recognition for shows that took a step outside of mainstream norms (not that there is anything wrong with that).  On top of that, my doodle was based off my disappointment behind the mentality that YOI had to win everything as if it was a competition for most backed-up fandom.  I’m just extremely upset at the fact that while it claims to be a poll for a “well deserved title”, it ultimately became a imaginary game of popularity.  Before you send another ask saying YOI was pretty good for its budget, ya it was.  But smh if you’re gonna judge the worth of animation based on budget then you’re gonna find yourself facing whether or not paying for specific element was worth the money.

TL;DR:

Fuck you im a tru YOI fan too fight me, I have credentials and official fan certification from my trash retweets.  Smh I can’t believe my disappointment offended a whole fandom, in which I, along with many other YOI fans who agree with the same points are in.  I love generalization.  Point is.  YOI is a beautifully well written show.  However, this was never a battle of fandom strengths and sizes, merely the decently to give credit to a show when it’s due.

xoxo im out bih

cynthia