#honestly all of this filled so many random gaps i had in my understanding/knowledge of the topic

[comradedream]

I FEEL THE EXACT SAME WAYS about how you described the situations with dttwt, sleepytwt, dtblr, and sleepyblr like

first though another big reason WHY there r more sbi stans on tumblr and dt on twt (imo) is that sbi fans are less "stan"-like (they tend to be lore fans/be more dsmpblr) and it's more like a traditional media fandom which tumblr is like,, the home of vs twt which is the site of the infamous kpoptwt n stuff and so attracts more "stans" (the ppl who like ccs)

but HARD agree on the black and white thinking part all nuance is killed on twt bc its easier to use quick buzzwords to get a point across which abandon the usual elaboration you'd get if such a word limit didn't exist (ie tumblr)

and i never even considered the easy access the fandoms have to each other on twt :0 but that's such a good point since that also means more clashes

with the lore it definitely doesn't help that the VERY FIRST major conflict was a dt vs sbi (adjacent) one (lmanburg revolutionary war) which 100% paved the way for lore discourse btwn the groups

oh god old dtblr... i think the way it was also contributes to the dt vs sbi popularity divide btwn tumblr and twt bc i see so many twt users say they r turned away from tumblr bc of old 'dtblr' meaning that initially tumblr had immediately marked itself as a more dream-anti space (but not an anti-sbi one, explaining the divide) so not only did people adopt the general attitudes of old dtblr but such attitudes attracted those prone to accepting it as well

SO TRUE abt many anti-dt sleepyblrs being the way they are bc they base their perceptions off of how dttwt acts and with all this mess being soo big simply bc of twt's sheer volume (the amount of sbi blogs i've seen where the only time they talk abt the dt is to point out their toxic twt and/or "cringy" stans definitely points to this)

on the sleepytwt and dttwt mutually hate each other while (more) sleepyblr hates dtblr yet (most) dtblr r fine w them it makes me think about how dream is always made the villain in sbi fics even when its not abt the dsmp while in dt fics sbi rarely ever have a significant role in them in the first place

a major factor of it i believe is the idea of who's the "underdog" bc obv mcyttwt is way larger and has way more eyes on it than mcytblr and ppl tend to feel more entitled if they feel more "oppressed" (for the lack of a better word) and despite sleepyblr being bigger than dtblr not many people acknowledge it that way? and still act like there r more dt stans bc ppl tend to look out of the platform as well so in general sbi stans hating dt ones seems more justifiable bc 'just look at dttwt!!' while dt ones hating sbi ones is less so

i also think the early stages of both fandoms were huge contributors, bc early dtblr and sleepyblr baaaarely interacted (i don't even know if a distinct sleepyblr that wasn't mostly smpblr existed back then??) so any hatred btwn the two is actually more recent and thus established with the precedent of the two fandoms (like i said previously how there is a dttwt majority and their general hate on sbi)

meanwhile i remember CLEARLY how the rivalry btwn dttwt and sleepytwt started. not only was it bc of the idea that two mcyt twt fandoms must compete but also bc sleepytwt hated dttwt bc they saw dnf shipping as toxic + would flaunt about how their ccs got into no drama (during a time where dream especially got into a lot of it which was june) + they saw tommy joining the dsmp as dream "taking" tommy from sbi (despite him not being a part of it yet) + the 'kickschlatt' situation left many bitter while dttwt saw the addition of sbi + adjacent ccs to the dsmp as them ruining the smp and in general took advantage of their size to get things their way

(feel free to not post this!! esp if it's too inflammatory, unsolicited, its better for dms, or just too much in general xD but i wanted to respond w my thoughts)

(in reference to this even doe its been like eighty days i am so sorry)

o em gee me and esper hoteltea psychoanalyze the mcyt fandom part TWO (real) this is crazy

( + another old asks response at the v end relating to the og posts response LOL)

DUDE ive NEVER been able to articulate the difference between the energy of the two sets of fans cuz i interact/ed with both the stan like ppl and the non stan like ppl and the ppl in-between on BOTH platforms so theyre all blended in my head BUT WHAT UR SAYING IS SO RIGHT IT MAKES SENSE ,,,,, it's the 'cultural' split between the two platforms and its effect on the way their individual sets of fandoms function/consume media... like what u said about it being a traditional media fandom and how a lot of them focus on lore on here,,,, u r a genius

someone said once that twts use of buzzwords is like headlines in clickbait-y article titles and i think thats when it clicked for me y it works the way it does on there💀 such a bad system lol

i forgot about the first dsmp story conflict being literally sbi adjacent vs dt adjacent LMAO thats 100% a definitely a part of setting the tone for future divides/paving the way like u said

IVE SEEN TWT USERS SAY THEY ORIGINALLY TURNED AWAY FROM OLD DTBLR BC OF THAT TOOOOOO OH MY GOD💀its so crazy to me how things that might not seem so influential create such a butterfly effect lol

everything u said about the generalizations is so so true. and like ik ive done it myself as well at a smaller scale but its Such a bad mindset to have at the rate ive seen -- and half the time its misinformation on here about them in cases like that anyway lmao, and just spreads more and more bitterness and contempt over shit thats hardly an issue. like i see ppl on here yelling about them trending certain things for example when 1) its not trending bc its a legitimately trendy topic, it's trending bc several ppl talking about something at the same time causes it to trend in the "for u" trending tab (shitty design) and 2) its 'trending' for a very small amount of time in only certain geographical locations and 90% of the tweets under it are ppl going "ummm why is x trending i fucking hate x ppl for this so bad 🙄🙄🙄" which contribute to the small pool mentioned in 1) just by including the words, regardless of what theyre saying about it. so bringing it over here is essentially transcribing shit that is a not an issue, especially in the grand scheme of the tens of thousands of people in mcyttwt, to their followers on here that already have preexisting views of mcyttwt and wont double check themselves. ITS SO FRUSTRATING😭 its part of y i try my best and avoid talking about solely twitter-esque drama thats irrelevant on here, ESPECIALLY when in a "information providing" way (like "u guys wont BELIEVE whats going on on twitter in a totally large scale right now!11!!1" when its like,,, two mass qrted tweets that ended up getting deleted.) RANDOM TANGENT

UR SO RIGHT HOLY SHIT lmaooo and it's not only weird to have him involved in a solely negative way in their totally irrelevant to cc!dream fics but its made extra weird by them being the only ones doing it LOL, and REGULARLY like i remember that one non-lore sbi fic blowing tf up and being so lost when i heard about dream turning out to being the ultimate villain one secretly mind controlling all of them or something like what lol💀 no hate to the author im sure they didnt have malicious intent but its just an exhausting narrative to see repeatedly and with plenty of backing

ur so right about everything u said about the underdog victim complex lolll💀💀💀

I KNEW ABOUT THE DNF SHIPPING AND NO DRAMA THING CUZ I SAW PLENTY OF EFFECTS OF IT IN WHEN I JOINED BUT PUTTING IT INTO WORDS/CONTEXT LIKE THAT IS SOOO💀 dnf fr the origin of a blood feud theyre so powerful for that omg😍 also everything u said about tommy joining dmsp/the dsmp/etc is so embarassing help i didn’t know most of that

thats so fucking funny/sad at the same time oh my god what a rollercoaster of a timeline. and its only gotten worse from there yikes. i remember seeing tweets of ppl trying to say they arent ACTUALLY part of mcyttwt theyre better and stuff in like,, early autumn 2020, wayy before it was even as messy and huge and infamous of a very multi-sectoral fandom as it is now. kind of ironic in hindsight knowing how certain things played out today. maybe it couldve all been different with a different start, on both apps🙁

and this was a super interesting topic ty for discussing it w me, i learned a lot tbh LMAOO and i appreciate u putting the time in to send ur asks and explaining off-branches of this in dms 😵😵 ur insight was so so good to have n i loved the long askssss again sorry this took ages to reply to lmaoooo

okay and one more thing, i wanted to include this on here cuz me and esper spoke about it in dms and i also kind of wanted it to wrap off the topic (at least for now) and mainly i feel weirdly randomly putting a post about old dtblr on the dash after the topic on my own blog died a few days ago LOLLL (also its already a long as hell post who v few ppl r gonna read so might as well)

the split off from the extremely dream negative group came w several of them just totally going off into the deep end and involving themselves w doxing and this becoming known. that probably solidified a lot of opinions on them or drastically changed them, and a lot of ppl disassociated from them. the circle and the ones adjacent to it kind of became distanced and distinct then, so just that sector getting cut off is a big part of how the general larger community went on to grow from it all

the dsmp/dteam getting bigger and beginning their climb to their peak brought in new ppl and so growth of the fandom and new ppl helped drown out negativity, and dream himself continuing to grow as a person and as a cc probably further ‘encouraged’ for lack of a better word ppl to openly/like him and shit. and gnf mains in dtblr made "modern" 404blr (as opposed to the earlier distinct group of gnf 'mains' (solos)) cuz of other general fandom happenings which was like,,, a way better space. and then like generally as time went on all of this and conscious efforts to reduce negativity and more aspects im sure helped it all in becoming a more positive space over time, as well as w effects of the fandom multiplying in size. FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND and have seen

OKAY THATS ITTTT WOOOO

[too-many-baes]

The Girl in the Library

Pairing: Fem!reader x Jack Kline

Warning(s): N/A

Word Count: 1.2K

Request: Hi !! I have a request for Supernatural if you can? (I also just got into Season 13 and think Jack is super sweet !) Jack meets the Reader (female) at the library, studying for her exams, when Sam takes him for the first time, and he asks Sam what a crush feels like! Thank you !! :) - anon

A/N: I cannot apologize enough for the wait for this one. I’ve been really bad with writing this past year and honestly I lost a bit of motivation for it. I’m slowly getting my groove back though, so I hope you like this one!

                                                              *****

There were many things that Jack had discovered about being human that he had decided he liked. Nougat and television were at the top of his list. He wasn’t quite sure what would be at the bottom of his list, but going to the library with either of the Winchester’s would definitely be a strong contender. There was something about the way that he got dragged with either of them that felt distinctly like they didn’t actually want to take him, that he was more of a burden than anything.  

Today was one of those days. Sam had brought him to the library so that he could research, and Jack was expected to sit quietly while he did so. How boring.

“Sam?” Jack’s voice queried. Sam spared him a small glance before humming to prompt Jack to continue. "Can I go look at some of the books over there?” He asks, motioning at some shelves slightly across the room. He didn’t know what kind of books would be on them, but he did know it would be more interesting than sitting here staring at the table.

“Sure. Just go there and back though Jack.” Jack smiled and nodded, all but leaping from his chair and hurrying across the room to the aforementioned shelves. When he got there the first set of shelves he looked at contained books about chemistry and physics. He opened a few of them and skimmed the pages, but he very quickly decided that he didn’t like them.

A couple of sections over piqued his interest much more. English classics. The books on this shelf looked a lot older in design than the previous shelves but the names were much more interesting. He debated to himself for a while which one to look at first before settling on the Scarlett Letter.

…both men and women, who had been familiarly acquainted with Hester Prynne, were now impressed as if they beheld her for the first time,-was that Scarlet Letter, so fantastically embroidered and illuminated upon her bosom.

Jack had opened a page and read at random, furrowing his brow at the contents. He had no idea what the words before him meant and it seemed he wouldn’t get a chance to find out.

“Excuse me.” A soft voice floated into his ears before he looked up and saw you standing there. “I don’t mean to be rude, but are you going to check that book out? It’s just I’m writing my final assignment and I was hoping to use that one.” He doesn’t know what’s gotten into him but suddenly he finds himself unable to speak. He tried to say that you can have it, but the words get caught in his throat. He shakes his head at himself, confused by his current state before he shuts the book and wordlessly hands it over to you. You offer him a smile in thanks, completely unaware of his inner turmoil. You turn around to leave and suddenly Jacks words come back to him in a rush.

“What’s it about?” The sentence comes out far too fast and loud to be considered normal, and despite himself he feels a flushing in his cheeks. He got your attention though, as you stop and turn around again. “I tried reading some of it and it didn’t make much sense.” And then you laugh, and the sound alone puts a smile on Jack’s face.

“It’s pretty hard to get your head around at first isn’t it?” He nods at your rhetorical question. “It’s about punishment and sin in 19th century America. I’m writing an essay on the portrayal of women throughout literary history”, you say, filling in the gaps for him.

“How were they portrayed?” You laugh again at his question, his heart swelling at the knowledge that he’d caused that beautiful sound to fill the air.

“Overall not that well to be honest, but it depends on what you read.” A silence fills the air as Jack can’t seem to find anything else to say to make you stay in this aisle any longer. Even though he would really like to. “I better get back to my essay.” You half-heartedly say, motioning with your head to the table a wee way behind you. “It was nice talking to you though. Maybe I’ll bump into you in the classics section some other time.”

“I hope so,” he replies without hesitation, causing yet another laugh to bubble out of you. “How do you do that?” He asks, causing you to quirk an eyebrow at his question. “That laugh, how to you do it?”

“I guess it just comes naturally,” you answer with hesitation in your voice before continuing, “I’ve always hated my laugh to be honest.”

“Why? It’s my favourite one I’ve ever heard.” His honesty makes a bright red form on your cheeks which you try to cover by briefly rubbing either cheek with your shoulders.

“I’ll see you around.”

“I hope so.” You give him one last smile before you turn around and head back to your table, unsure of how you were going to focus on your essay now. Jack also heads back to his table, knowing that nothing held in any of these shelves would be able to entertain him. As he sits down with your smile and laughter swirling around his head, Sam looks up at him with a puzzled look.

“You okay Jack?” The boy looks up at the Winchester, unsure how to answer his question.

“Yes and no.” He finally settles for. Sam was going to ask him what he mean but Jack continued before he could. “I met a girl and she made me feel really happy when I was talking to her, but then she said goodbye and now I feel sad, but also still happy.” Sam lets a knowing smile creep onto his face as Jack continues. “How can someone make you feel both happy and sad at the same time?”

“I think you have a crush Jack.”

“A crush? What does that mean?”

“It’s when you like someone.” Jack couldn’t understand what Sam was saying.

“I like you and Dean and you guys don’t make me feel like this.” Sam coughs slightly at Jack’s statement, clearing his throat before continuing.

“You can like people in different ways, Jack. You like Dean and I like a friend. This girl you like romantically.” Jack nods his head along with Sams statement, seemingly beginning to understand his meaning.

“So… a crush?” Sam nods, his smile having barely left his face since Jack sat down, although it starts to dissipate slowly as Sam thinks of the implications. Poor Jack would never get a traditional life, where he would get to date and fall in love. He never thought the moment would come when he would have to think about any of that and it had caught him off guard.

“I think I’m about done Jack, you ready to go?” Jack nodded his head, wanting to leave but sad at the idea he might not get to see you again.The men pack their stuff quickly and make their way to the exit. On his way out he sneaks a glance over his shoulder, spotting you with your nose in a book and typing occasionally.

He smiled to himself as he left, resolving to ask the boys to get him a copy of the Scarlett Letter.

[kingofthewilderwest]

A thought just occurred to me about the different types of alchemy that all the characters in FMA do. Because the Elrics can pretty much do all sorts of things with their alchemy and they don't have any big restrictions, whereas Roy pretty much only does flame alchemy and is even deemed useless in rain because he can't use it. So does that mean that he can't use any other type of alchemy? If he can why doesn't he, in the rain in example? Why does he have this limitation when the brothers don't?

Ooooo this is a fun topic bless bless.

I don’t remember where I first read it, but I think it describes the Elrics well. I remember someone saying both Ed and Al embody the jack of all trades. They don’t seem to be profound experts in any one alchemical field, but they know key information here and there about multiple fields. So, following from that, I think where Ed’s greatest strength is his ingenious application of alchemy; it’s his creativity that gets him out of binds (sometimes), and it’s his out-of-the-box thinking that makes him realize he can trade his alchemy abilities to bring back his brother’s body.

What makes the brothers shine more than anything, though, is clap transmutation. As you say, the Elrics can do all sorts of things with their alchemy, and it does make them appear less “limited” in some senses. They’re at least more diverse and creative in what they do with alchemy. They’ve got the advantage because they’re not restricted by having to draw transmutation circles. I’m not sure if they need to have the circles memorized in their heads, or what sorts of scientific information their minds need to process prior to clap transmutation, but that form of transmutation has obvious advantages: they don’t have to draw or carry around “prepared” circles. They can just do whatever they need to, with whatever they need to, on the fly.

All other State Alchemists are “limited” to their specialty and what transmutation circles they carry/wear on them as part of that specialty. Part of this limitation is the natural thing that happens when you become a specialist. The more specialized you get, the more information you know about an increasingly smaller scope. Of course, these guys all would have had to start with alchemy’s basics (we see this referenced when young Mustang visits Berthold) before moving to advanced topics. 

Background basic knowledge solidified, they then would have been able to go into more complicated forms of the science, specialize, and attune their focuses. Shou Tucker is going to keep all his concentration on chimera research. He’ll know a lot about those things, but probably only the basics of other forms he doesn’t really use. And especially for actively fighting State Alchemists in the military, they’re going to focus on their special alchemical attacks. Soon enough, all of what they easily recall and can do, will be their area of specialty.

Each State Alchemist seems to hone one particular alchemy attack and that’s about it. They have their circle pre-formed by wearing gloves, gauntlets, or tattooing it on their body. Solf Kimblee, Alex Armstrong, Basque Grand, Roy Mustang… I see all of them on the same “par” for how they handle their alchemy. They perfect the attacks they can do with that one transmutation circle they wear on them. Maybe they could’ve been more resourceful and carried other pre-drawn circles for secondary attacks, but welp. 1). The State Alchemy program is new. 2). Well-educated adults often specialize into narrow interests. 3). Most day-to-day alchemists don’t need to have their transmutation circles prepared ahead of time. 4). Because of their unique abilities, State Alchemists are probably pretty confident on winning their fights with their one prepared attack form. 5). And maybe there’s something to be said about holding to their own “brand recognition” and sticking to the alchemy they’re famous for. ;)

It’s not that they don’t know other transmutation circles and alchemical information, but it’s the practicality of being an active fighter that we see people like Mustang be so “limited”. Roy won’t have time to grab chalk and start scribbling circles on the ground when an enemy rushes him. He’s going to rely on Flame Alchemy because that’s the alchemy he has available with that transmutation circle on his gloves. Unfortunately, that comes at the cost that, when he’s wet, he can’t light sparks with his gloves and use his one prepared transmutation circle. Ergo, he becomes useless in the rain for any average fight.

There are many indications Roy knows more forms of alchemy. We could talk about the 2003 show, where we see his notes of complicated formulas for human transmutation research, but I’m going to stick with Arakawa’s intended chronology only. There are multiple instances I recall in FMAB / the manga where Roy uses alchemy that isn’t Flame Alchemy.

First, he makes a “body” to fake Maria’s death. He knows the needed “ingredients” off the top of his head; while they’re not complicated, he’s not looking anything up for what he knows he’ll need. He quickly jots his list down inside a phone booth and hands the note straight to Breda. Roy knows he’ll be able to form those into a fake corpse. It shows some non-Flame Alchemy knowledge here. It’s possible he then did some reading before making the “corpse” with alchemy, of course, but books or no, he regardless does non-Flame Alchemy. He even matches Ross’ tooth record for his crafted dummy.

And he knows ahead of time what the teeth will need to be made of.

Second, Mustang transmutes the sign on a truck into a different logo. We’ll get more to this instance of alchemy later. I like this instance.

Third, Mustang uses an oh-so-common combat alchemist tactic: reforming the ground before him into a shield. Clap transmutation moment for the win! Now that he’s not required to draw circles, he’s taking advantage of non-Flame Alchemy in combat.

Fourth, there’s the omake where Roy’s using Flame Alchemy techniques with the same transmutation circle, but in non-Flame Alchemy ways. We know for Flame Alchemy, Mustang manipulates oxygen concentration levels to direct his flames. Changing oxygen concentration levels can also… get people to pass out. Oh dear. Buddy. Buddy, we need to talk.

Last, Roy thinks he can use Lust’s Philosopher’s Stone to heal Havoc. Mustang says, “Medical field alchemy is outside of my expertise, but by using this to increase my abilities…” I don’t know how the Philosopher’s Stone exactly works since, again, you don’t need to draw a transmutation circle with it. How much are you still doing yourself with your own abilities and practice, and how much will the Philosopher’s Stone “fill in the gaps”? But the way that Roy is talking, he seems to at least think that the Philosopher’s Stone isn’t going to do the alchemy for him - it’s used to increase his abilities rather than give him new ones. I say that indicates that, while medical alchemy ain’t his specialty, he thinks he can do something with it. There’s still some questions I have about how working with a Philosopher’s Stone goes down, but regardless. Roy knows how to do some basic biological alchemy!

Honestly I’ve always found the ice cream truck moment most interesting when it comes to Roy’s non-Flame Alchemy. You see lots of alchemists do something like rearrange the earth to block attacks. Given he’s a soldier, knowing bits of medical alchemy is obviously practical. But changing the outside appearance of a truck is somewhat random - not necessarily complicated to do, but random and menial alchemy nevertheless.

We know Roy wouldn’t be carrying books on him to look up the transmutation circle for changing the truck logo. He would’ve used his memories to draw that transmutation circle. In FMAB he casually comments, “Changing the outer appearance of the vehicle is no trouble at all.” For whatever reason, Roy recalls what to do off the top of his head. It’s no trouble. And if he remembers some small random trick like this off the top of his head, what else does Roy actively recall about other forms of non-Flame Alchemy? I think this moment indicates Roy actually does carry around with him some decent memories of non-Flame Alchemy transmutation circles. Exactly because it’s some small random trick, it makes it all the more an indication Roy’s got a decent memory and practice for other forms of alchemy. Especially, I imagine he likes to remember some alchemy for deceptive stunts, since he has his fair share of tricks everywhere.

Honestly, even the fact that he decoded Berthold Hawkeye’s tattoo and learned Flame Alchemy shows that he’s got to have great understanding of alchemy as a whole. Prior to this, Roy knew nothing about how to do Flame Alchemy. At the same time, Berthold said that his alchemical notes (on Riza’s back) were “indecipherable to the average alchemist.” Either that means they were attuned specifically to Roy (which I find somewhat doubtful), or they were difficult to crack and understand - in which case Roy being able to learn this information is a feat to his prowess in alchemy as a whole. He’s no average alchemist; he’s a gifted and brilliant one able to learn a novel, new field.

He’s got his expertise, Flame Alchemy, and he’s damn amazing at it. He’s specialized, as we’d expect an advanced State Alchemist to do. Roy also shows that he has dabbled and remembers the information to some other forms of alchemy.

So I think that, in summation, to answer your question:

Roy (and other State Alchemists like Alex) narrow their alchemy to a specialty and almost exclusively practice that one form in combat. They’d enter more diverse research and application (though still circled around their expertise) in calmer scenarios. However, Mustang’s going to primarily use Flame Alchemy because that’s what he knows best, that’s where he can consistently do the most damage, and that’s what transmutation circle he has on his gloves to work with. In combat you only have the chance to use what you’ve prepared ahead of time in alchemy - unless, MAYBE, you’re a very fast drawer, have some time, or can clap transmute.

Roy’s useless in the rain and doesn’t use other forms of alchemy mostly from time constraints. He wouldn’t have time to scribble out new transmutation circles on rainy days in the middle of a fight. So… once his gloves get soaked, he can’t use Flame Alchemy. He’s done. He better shoot his gun or stay back. He’s also not going to be an expert in other alchemical forms. But time would be his biggest constraint making him “useless”.

Roy and the other alchemist’s “limitations” (compared to the Elrics) come from the fact they can’t clap transmute and they rely HEAVILY on their specialty with their pre-drawn circles. The Elrics, meanwhile, can clap transmute and are jacks of all trades.

That’s how I see it, anyway! Would be interested if you have any other thoughts, though, that I missed!

[pluiethewolf]

TIP TOP STUFF FROM 2017

This post has been written in an ever-shortening sliver of the end of the year so there may be many typos, half-sentences, oddly expressed feelings and extreme over-sharing. BEWARE ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE! (the rules are if I’ve seen/read it this year it counts as this year, hence some stuff from last year/the 1960s)

Dollywould

If I have too much time to think and am not in a great mood I end up worrying a lot about how quickly time goes past and then we die and then no one remembers us. I am not very good at dealing with these worries and mostly when I see shows which look at these themes I don’t generally appreciate the layered approaches and interesting comments, I mainly just get stressed out. Yet coming out of Dollywould, a show at least in part about death and legacy and I didn’t feel any of my normal worries. In fact if anything I felt really good – not just buoyed by the FANTASTIC music and HILARIOUS costumes and I mean it’s Sh!t Theatre I don’t need to describe why it could make you happy. But it also felt like it said something to me about these themes that made me feel a little bit okay. Obviously I can’t just write down what that was otherwise I’d no longer ever feel that way and I definitely still do. For me it was one of those beautiful pieces of art where you feel what it’s saying to you rather than think it. I want to keep it in my pocket for when I’m sad. It is my favourite Sh!t Theatre show so far and anyone who wants to argue about that can go away.

Our Best Guess

This was another show where it was more about talking around a theme than making a point (or if it was about making a point I definitely missed it). It’s about missed chances and avoided tragedies and the turn of prediction to regret&. It was a fantastic mosaic of stories and when I sometimes look around and cynically think that, amongst all the remakes and reboots and ‘original’ stories that may as well be one of the former, all the stories have been told before, it was amazing to find so many sharing space in the same show.

Kin

My possible dissolutionment (which is definitely an actual word) with narrative means a lot of stuff on this list is non-narrative – most is live-art-y or dance-based and one that was circus! I can be very hot and cold with circus – one or two shows have been some of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen (especially Ockham’s Razor’s Not Until We Are Lost) but I’m often on a weird line where I don’t want it to just be tricks but feel like narrative almost always feels weirdly forced in. Kin was the perfect balance – suggestions and nods towards meaning coming from heart-in-mouth, skilful, silly, absolutely sincere, risky (sometimes a bit too much) movement. Also I think the song ‘Starry, starry Night’ was in about 5 shows I saw in Edinburgh and this version definitely won.

With Force and Noise

While Kin was filled with massive movement, what was striking in With Force and Noise was the restraint and small-ness. Like many of the shows in this list it feels really difficult to talk about without just listing everything that happened in it, and standing back and going ‘isn’t that great!’. I’ve already written a teeny bit about why I love the show+ so I’m going to focus on one really specific element. When the show started Sullivan walked with painstaking slowness towards the audience – this was joined by lights on the floor really slowly turning on as she walked forward. So slowly that you wouldn’t realise what was happening until another light had been turning on for minutes. I’ve been paying a lot more attention to lighting designs recently due to my friends doing that and honestly I think this was my favourite of the year. Sullivan then stand still for a long time and some of the other beautiful parts of the show happen, which I loved and were fantastic but which for now I’m going to skip over. That’s because after all these parts, where Sullivan stays completely still and we are all totally focused on the one still point she inhabits. Then she gently starts to shake. I hear clanking sounds and I think they may be off stage – I thought I’d heard some while she was entering. The shaking builds and so does the sound and I realise they are connected – spittle starts to fall from Sullivans mouth. Shaking quite violently  now she turns and we see that sewn into her costume – along with the intricate embroidery – are kettles and pots and bells, now clashing against one another. That was why she had to walk so carefully at the beginning. She had to remain completely composed to stop her rage from spilling out. God I love theatre.

Alba

Alba is another show which lies in small movements. It’s also a show that I think has been around for quite a while but I went in knowing almost nothing about it. This is a show that I definitely could describe moment for moment because I did just that when I got home, filling in a friend who couldn’t go. I’m so glad because now I can relive the show. It felt like magic, transforming everyday objects with a sense of mystery, but also humour, a wink to the audience. It was almost completely wordless, with recordings of Bannon’s mother speaking occasionally adding to the sight onstage. It was beautiful.

Foley Explosion

Another show that was about transforming objects before us was Foley Explosion – like a magician showing us how the trick is done (which tbh is the best kind of magic). It was incredibly dream-like, slipping from one sliver of story to another, sounds transmuting to have one meaning or another. It was slow, allowing itself the time to build what it needed. The outcome was bizarre and beautiful.

Locus Amoenus

I saw Atresbandes perform All In last year and really liked it, after being really annoyed at missing Locus Amoenus. I’m so glad I managed to catch it because where I liked All In I absolutely LOVE Locus Amoenus – the slightly off dialogue, the knowledge that nothing that happens on the train really matters, and the occasional slip away from the scene in front of us to descriptions of other scenesF. It was the kind of play that I wish TV was more like – how great would it be if halfway through a scene in Breaking Bad we saw a random scene that would never be referenced again. Also it was absolutely HILARIOUS. Also there was an extended reference to Zidane’s headbut which is pretty much the only football reference I understand so that made me happy.

Lilith, The Jungle Queen

This show isn’t just on here cause it has the same name as me. Absolutely not. It probably was a large part of why I went to see it though and I am so glad for that because it was one of the most surprising joys of the Fringe, and probably my whole year. It used the ‘human raised by animals’ (in this case lions) story to look at gender, race and colonialism. It had be absolutely roaring$ with laughter, both due to the dry wit of the dialogue and the fact that the pink gunge steadily spread around the stage left the performers slipping around and dragging each other across. Message-wise it was a tough one – the political opinions of the show seemed as slippery as the set, and it was a wonderful example of how you can seriously delve into issues and still be hilarious.

Vs.

It felt like the moments in youth theatre at the end of the warm-ups where you wish you could make an entire show out of games, but they somehow managed to make it beautiful and vulnerable and stressful and fantastic. Watching it I found my reaction ranging from thinking about the apocalypse to just thinking ‘just look how HIGH they can jump. I wish I could jump that high. That is so cool.’

Room For All Our Tomorrows

I have found this really difficult. It is hard summing up why you love something in such a small amount of words and time (especially when you saw it so long ago). I’ve already tried to write a bit about it for Exeunt but couldn’t sum up how I felt about it or why. I think part of it was the magic that I mentioned above – created both by the set (the table turning into a piano and the way-too-much liquid endlessly pouring from the coffee machine) and the bodies on stage in front of us. Maybe it felt a bit like a ritual, maybe it felt a bit like a speeded up daily routine, maybe a timelapse of years going by.

 Right it is now 3pm on New Years Eve and I absolutely refuse to publish this in January but I also want to write a bit about other things that I liked in 2017 so it is time to KICK THE PACE UP!

Student Theatre

This isn’t in a separate list because I think student theatre is some kind of lower category than ‘proper theatre’ but I do think about them in different ways and am very biased over a lot of it and anyway it would have just made the first list way, way too long. A lot of this stuff that I loved was at NSDF last year – after having gone the year before and not particularly enjoyed it I loved the festival and so much of the work in it. Thick Skin was a complete surprise, not knowing anything about it until we went in and I thought it was such a smart way to approach racism on stage in a useful way – we don’t necessarily need to be shown another depiction of an obvious racist, but see how jokes and unthinking behaviour can cause harm. I’d been looking forward to seeing Nothing is Coming, The Pixels Are Huge since I saw it had applied for the festival (and desperately hoping it got in)% and it did not disappoint At All – it used hugely impressive technical wizardry to create metaphor and imagery which felt like it could be chewed over for as long as you wanted, pulling out different meanings around how we remember things and what makes us us, and what is missing in the gaps in between. It felt like it was throwing down the gauntlet for what science fiction theatre can be. By the time Celebration was at NSDF I had seen it many times, and I have seen it many times since but for me nothing will beat that first performance in that massive room – I love that show so much and I love the people in it and I cried from joy.

The rest of the shows here are from Warwick. Seeking Intimacy by Eve Allin was a gorgeous use of the campus’ space, wandering one of the mammoth buildings, the white stone and massive windows providing the futuristic yet not setting of the play. It was another wonderful use of science fiction – one of the latest episodes reminded me of it a little, but the play contained much more ambiguity, introducing different interesting facets to the tale of an ever changing dating service. The next piece I can’t actually remember the name of - it was the dissertation piece of three people in my year – but similarly looked at how the internet changed our relationships with each other, but through a completely modern rather than science fiction lens. I often think plays fail to present the internet in a interesting or engaging way – both the need for drama and speed of change means it is all too easy to demonise the net as destroying relationships and communication. I knew that I was going to like this piece as soon as Rosie made a speech defending what great art can be made, even if you could easily text someone. It used a clever mix of live filming, audience interaction, games and monologue to explore different aspects of the internet. My favourite moment was two performers stuffing their faces with marshmallows as they repeated the phrase ‘Anything, even water, can be toxic when too much is consumed’o.

These last two shows I am both very biased on and had very similar reactions to, even though in form they were very different. Those were Portents and Speed Death of the Radiant Child. They are both quite sad shows, built around breakdowns of communication, but they both made me incredibly, incredibly happy. Part of that was the beauty of both shows, from the writing to the lighting, but also I feel that while they may be pessimistic about the outcome, they put a lot of hope in people. The characters are always grasping out to communicate, trying to understand, and even if that attempt leads to their failure the attempt is beautiful.

Books

The feeling that I mentioned just above I think was possibly helped not only by the shows themselves but by what I was reading when I saw them, which was Franny and Zooey and Raise High The Roof Beams, Carpenters both part of JD Salinger’s series of stories about the Glass family. They create in me the exact same feeling and the beauty in them makes me happier, inspires me in what I do, and makes me more accepting of pretention, and of people in general. I honestly kind of think they make me a better person, and I have decided to ration out the rest of Salinger’s 8 stories about the family for when I’m feeling down.

Everything else in this list is science fiction because that’s just the kind of person that I am, and three of the four utopian because of the same reason. The Dispossessed by Ursula Le Guin (which I have been trying to write a blog about since JULY) feels like an amazingly detailed attempt to imagine how another society really could exist. I didn’t love it all – there were a couple of scenes which if it had been written by a man I probably would have hated the book for, which I’m not sure is a good way to approach books but nevermind. However it did contain some beautiful words about hope and community and work and progress which really landed with me. Oddly I also had some uncomfortable ‘would I forgive a man for this’ moments in Too Like the Lighting by Ada Palmer – to be completely honest I’m not entirely sure I LIKED the book, it frequently disturbed me, but I was undeniably hooked, the constant dual mysteries of trying to figure out the actual world of the plot at the same time as the enigma at its heart meant there was a giddy surprise behind every corner and I’m not sure I’ve ever seen so much plot per page. On top of that the use of form and references – a book about the future written in the style of an 18th century novel – made me feel like I was reading something completely unique.

A much more down-to-earth utopia was Malka Older’s Infomocracy. One of the quotes on the back basically describes it as the West Wing for sci-fi nerds so I obviously loved it. It was a neat idea with cool characters and a zippy story. What I found really nice about both this and the previous book is the expertise that the authors brought to the plot – the fact that Palmer teaches 18th century history and Older disaster management meant it felt like I was allowed a glimpse at how different experts saw the world.

My absolute favourite book of the year was Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson. Written in the early days of the internet the world it describes is odd – half super-familiar and prescient and half hilariously dated. I read the entire book with absolute glee; it was perfectly paced, sweeping along the reader so that they were at the extract same point as the characters. It managed to have whole sweeps of the story ruled by connections to Sumerian myth and language theory and be neither patronising nor pretentious (and make a history lesson as exciting as the drug deal it was intercut with). It managed to create a cruel world that still contained a massive amount of love, and good, interesting and exciting characters. It managed to be an exhilarating adventure story which spoke about human communication and the power of language (in an interestingly linked way to Frannie). All this while making jokes about pizza delivery – it was fantastic.

Other things

The NYE party really is starting quite soon and I still have half-finished sentences in the earlier sections which I should go back to so the rest is going to be a bit of a hodge-podge list that is mostly made up of films and cool stuff on the internet.

Patrick by Adam Blampied (https://adamblampied.com/2017/03/27/patrick/) – Is this erotic fan fiction about Patrick Marber? Is it a witty and surprisingly insightful critique of modern theatre? The answer to both of these questions is yes

The Handmaiden – *mild spoilers* I stopped watching the BBC adaptation of the source text for this halfway through cause it made me sad and I’m pathetic. I’m completely glad I did because it made the twist SO SO MUCH SWEETER.

Your Name – Combining a whole load of body-swap comedy and anime tropes and making a really lovely, intricate, original plot.

17776 by Jon Bois (https://www.sbnation.com/a/17776-football) – The other half of the blog post I’ve been writing since July. Everything I want from utopian fiction and stuff on the internet at the same time.

The First Half of Baby Driver – I mean the second half is okay too but in the first half I literally thought it could become one of my favourite ever films – feel like there was a moment on the edge where it could have stepped away from what was expected by instead went back to a more conventional storyline.

The Second Half of Magnolia – I have absolutely no problems with the first half of this film but I watched it over a year before the second half and I gots to stick to the rules. So gorgeous, and with random non-naturalistic bits I wish were in more films.

Spiderman: Homecoming – saw this the day after Baby Driver and really surprisingly enjoyed it more. Fascinating idea of how the crazy Marvel Universe would affect real life, just the right levels of funny, silly and sincere.  

The Last Jedi – I JUST LOVE IT AND HAVE NOTHING MORE TO SAY ON THE MATTER.

I have probably missed out a load of stuff I loved this year but it’s time to go sort out some of those half-sentences, so have a good year everybody, can’t wait to see some more great stuff J

***

& I’m realising now (and possibly at the time, who knows) how much it also speaks to my neuroses – how I’m constantly jealous of everything because I want to have achieved what every possible version of me making every possible decision could have done, all at the same time. I think maybe the emerging here is that I like shows that really gently prod at what troubles me.

+ http://exeuntmagazine.com/features/exeunts-most-memorable-regional-theatre-2017/

F Writing this makes me really wish I kept better notes (or any notes at all) on the shows I see.

$ I’m hilarious

% This year the show I’m feeling that towards is ‘Lights Over Tesco Carpark’ – I’m just a sucker for sci-fi with long names

o Disclaimer: this was almost definitely not what they said I just can’t remember the actual phrase