#honestly a lovely ask to receive bc half the time im like. am i. being a nuisance. but knowing something I did had a positive effect on
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your tags on my pacific rim aus have made what was a truly bad day much better for me. thank you, so much, for reading and reblogging and telling me your thoughts about them. and if you have a specific pairing you want to see in a pacific rim au, just send me a prompt and i'll see what i can do. thank you šš„¹
ahhh thank you for thinking of them and writing them in the first place!! they're really very good, and i fear i've not done them justice in my tags - literally just made me so emotional i was like YEAHHHHH SHOWSTOPPING INCREDIBLE with zero capacity to put that into words let alone add any meaningful insight into your amazing writing š the fact that i haven't actually seen the movies probably doesn't help but that's neither here nor there š«¢
ANYWAY i'm glad they had that impact and I hope your days going forward are much better <3
and then i put so much into the tags that im adding most of it under here instead āš½
the only thing i've taken away from reading about other people talking about pacific rim is drift compatibility and drift compatibility ONLY. but it's SUCH a good concept. every day i wake up and think 'this lot would be even crazier if they were in mentally tune with their cars + teammates'.
martian? trying to pilot together?? catastrophic. or would it?? fine in the early years but then it detoriates... some pilots not being compatible at all when it comes to it but in a rogue test later down the line it's far better... which is also sewis i fear bc bald lewis and red bull brat seb trying to co-pilot would be nuclear.
and let us not forget my parents, michael and nico, and if pairings happen in chronological order then lewis knows what germancedes was like and how it really affected nico, vice versa for lewis with fernando and jenson... maybe this mental link will save them in lieu of Real Communication... or maybe it'll make them worse... WHO KNOWS
(what would be the pacific rim equivalent of crash/spygate i wonder)
of course sebchal and brocedes are the ones i throw at the walls of my mind the most but like?? prosenna?????? OH MY GOD AND THE MAKKINEN YOU WROTE... bruv... makkinen... michael and senna... or rubens... or kimi... or fernando... dude. mika and nico.
GALEX. if i even begin to think about those two in this context i think i will explode
of course the basic line of thought is lestappen but like. cmon. i gotta. like i don't know wheel for SHIT but their driving styles apparently being similar and all... being crazy and able to match each other's freaks like no other... who else would you want fighting for you if not the two guys who know how the other ticks because it's how THEY tick... although i suppose that would make for some boring strategy instead of them building on each other's ideas and skills etc. like they're not the same person obviously but in other pairings they're bringing hashtag fresh and funky perspectives while lestappen are going yes exactlyyyyyyyyyyy and therefore also doing the same stupid shit like there is no piarles 'you don't have it' because they'd both be out there trying to make the impossible happen. morons
#m/asks#honestly a lovely ask to receive bc half the time im like. am i. being a nuisance. but knowing something I did had a positive effect on#someone ELSE. crazy.#n e ways. cue the tags that didn't get put into the post itself:#my mind rn is automatically going to shenanigans but the sheer angst potential... insane.#how team orders would manifest in a pacific rim au i don't even want to know#all my michael/seb and mark/seb thoughts immediately circle back to the chain dot ao3 the masterpiece that it is#simi would be insane. absolutely nuts. like genuinely on another level.#pierresteban would be funny for ME and very not funny for THEM. exactly how i like it#whatever the fuck fernando and his bae fisichella had going awn... i wonder how it compares to strollonso#and WHERE do bono and bryan and gp and rocky etc fall into all this when all things considered#they're the ones inside their driver's heads helping them pilot their car irl#and this doesn't even begin to cover the situation with a pairing who aren't compatible at all but try to make it work anyway#wow... so many thoughts... so little coherence...
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HOBIE BROWN HEADCANONS | NSFW
im iffy on writing actual smut bc id be reconsidering a lot in my life during it but i am not above writing headcanons xoxo
honestly this is kinda jst me rambling but oh well take it anyway
āāāāÆ . . . . . ą¼¶ā¢āāąØā”ą§āāā¢ą¼¶ . . . . . ā°āāā®
ā¢ definitely wouldnāt be aggressive but not against throwing you around just a little (if youāre okay w that obviously)
ā¢ i donāt think heād be absolutely nasty. like heās clearly a bit freaky, he makes a joke abt biting in his intro but i canāt see him being crazy ??
ā¢ sony let us know heās into biting n everyone jst ignored that we need to think abt that more.
ā¢ not entirely serious. he isnāt above making a few jokes every once in a while, especially if youāre a bit nervous
ā¢ back to that though if he tries to initiate something and he sees youāre even slightly unsure or nervous ?? itās off. heās asking whatās wrong immediately and if itās solvable great, heāll solve it if it isnāt itās off. he has no problem leaving you be if you arenāt up to it, thereās no convincing involved
ā¢ wouldnāt be into anything extremely degrading, aggressive, or violent. to him thatās porn culture and he wants absolutely nothing to do with it, even if you asked. i just donāt think heād get off to anyone being seriously hurt
ā¢ however he has no shame with a BIT of pain. he did make a biting joke so i mean
ā¢ i think light choking would be the worst heās automatically willing to do or receive. ofc heās willing to talk but itād have to be a very detailed talk abt what both of you are okay w doing/receiving
ā¢ honestly i jst think talks like that wld be important to him in general. he doesnāt wanna overstep any boundaries, especially not during something as big as sex. heād never try to introduce you to something before having a genuine conversation about it first
ā¢ aftercare is peak w this man. godsend. youāll never get any better
ā¢ not rough all the time. yg write him to be like absolutely insane n aggressive in bed n i jst canāt see it. like hobie never once even raised his voice unless it was loud, like in his intro. nothing abt him was ever aggressive. i think maybe heād have no shame being SLIGHTLY rough but i donāt think his intention would be to hurt you/see how much you can take ever
ā¢ i think most of the time heād be pretty normal. heād be paying complete attention to you jst to be sure youāre comfortable always, heāll stop immediately if you arenāt
ā¢ honestly heās probably a switch, i can see it. he has no problem giving or receiving, though there wld still have to be some talks abt some things LMAO
ā¢ i see comments on edits (even mine) abt how he switches positions a lot n it lowk made me giggle. i think he definitely would on occasion just to catch you off guard, but his whole hating consistency thing imo was a joke jst to mess w miles, half the things he said in his intro were to mess w miles
ā¢ probably not very experienced but he knows enough and learns fast. like i donāt think he would be into hookup culture or even care abt sex much but he isnāt clueless, yk ?? he knows what heās doing at least
ā¢ doesnāt really ask for head. if you bring it up, great !! he obviously wonāt complain ā ļø but to him i think itād be more of a bonus, not something he expects from you
ā¢ i donāt think heād be into rough head either. to him itās about what YOUāRE comfortable doing and what YOU can do. he isnāt going to force you into doing anything. like if his hand is ever on your head itās to hold your hair back and/or just love on you
ā¢ like i said he doesnāt really get off to seeing you struggle
ā¢ also idk if itād be pierced. would he be above it absolutely not but that also involves a stranger handling and piercing your dick. if he did it himself, then maybe
ā¢ sex to him isnāt as important. he isnāt going to be all distraught if you arenāt ready or you jst donāt want to. itās jst a bonus to him, obviously itās important but your needs and thoughts are SIGNIFICANTLY more important to him than what he jst wants
#x reader#atsv hobie#hobie brainrot#hobie brown#hobie brown x reader#hobie my beloved#hobie smut#hobie spiderverse#hobie x oc#hobie x you#hobie brown atsv#hobie brown smut#astv hobie#hobie x y/n#hobie x reader#atsv headcanons#atsv#atsv x reader#spiderman atsv#atsv art#spider man: across the spider verse#across the spiderverse#hobie brown hcs#hobie brown headcanons
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the recent ask that u got about btu got me in a yapping mood š© i really love btu and i think about that series at least twice a day lol
i've always thought that shuji was such a coward with the way he acted around y/n when they first got together and i honestly applaud y/n's patience for dealing with shuji's shitty treatment š idk how y/n was able to put up with all of that and it really seemed like she wanted to try and make the marriage work or at least just get along with shuji but he's just not cooperating and straight up being an asshole towards her šŖ i also have a few questions and if u don't feel like answering any or all of them then it's totally fine!! but here are my questions:
1. is shuji y/n's first time? bc if he is, then i wonder how it went like did it happen on their honeymoon? actually, did they even have a honeymoon or shuji didn't even bother to give her that š
2. did any of the other bonten members and rival gangs find y/n really attractive? and were there any rival gangs who were also asking y/n's hand for marriage?
3. if ichika and shuji were together for quite a while, why didn't shuji marry her already or even made their relationship public? was it bc shuji's been long aware that kisaki will set him up for an arranged marriage?
4. my last question and also my roman empire!!! i've always thought about an alternative scenario wherein y/n and chifuyu's relationship actually went well bc chifuyu's feelings for y/n always seemed genuine š like what if they're living together in hiding and y/n's feelings for shuji are completely gone, and when shuji finds out about all of that i wonder how he will react š¤
again i apologize for having a lot of questions, im just into btu like that š thank u for giving us btu and i am looking forward to reading ur future works, i hope that u'll have a great day š
nonnie im so sorry for the late reply, i was marinating the reply and didnt want to give a half-assed response so im firing up my yapgine for you !! i lovee how you love this series sm and im so grateful to always receive asks for it <3
honestly, youre so valid. y/n really did want to work things out with shuji even after her memory loss because that was her default intentions even before she encountered the accident </3 but shuji wasn't cooperative because to him, y/n didn't really matter :(
oooo i loveeee questions !!! i'll do my best to answer them !!!
1. due to her strict upbringing, y/n is in fact a virgin and yes, shuji was her first time. its alluded in the first chapter that they didnt have a honeymoon because shuji went on a holiday with bitchika instead and left her stranded
2. y/n's beauty is more understated and shes not as showy as the other girls hanging around toman (because of her upbringing). the one person who did find her quite charming is our second man chifuyu ofc
3. actually š¤āļø it was ichika who wasnt ready for marriage with him. it's hinted in chap 4 or 5 that shuji did want to marry her, but because of the trauma she endured from her parents (i didnt state it but they're actually dead so she and her sister were raised by grandma harumi) and her perception of how dangerous shuji was as the reaper, she was reluctant to consider commitment with him
4. OHHH i love this scenario !! i think if y/n's feelings for shuji were gone, she would 110% be with chifuyu! he's respectful and sweet (plus kinda hot too if we're being honest hfhfh) and she would have no problem falling in love with him after working through her trauma ..... as to how shuji would react, it would honestly be the most soul crushing thing to him and he would try his damndest to break them up using shusei as ammo to repair their marriage back
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Young royals anon again, sorry I wasnāt sure if my ask went through so Iām sending it again! If you received it already and just didnāt have time to answer i donāt want to rush you, Iām just paranoid bc I remember a few years ago when tumblr asks didnāt go thru like half the time bc of punctuation or something. Warning to everyone, discussion of potential spoilers from season 2 of young royals!!
We donāt have to worry about august coming back as prefect because Iām pretty sure the speech was at the end of the school year and august is in his last year ! I think next season will be the summer or fall semester, either way august wonāt be back in school with them.
Marcus irritated me because he kept pushing boundaries but just enough that you tell yourself he didnāt really mean it etc. and so you donāt automatically cut him off because it feels like an exaggerated reaction, but thatās the worst type of guy because itās a subtle manipulation that escalates!! Also that man was at least 18 because he can drive and you have to be 18 in Sweden, and he had his own flat lol. Not that age differences are inherently bad but that paired with the way he kept pushing Simon after simon would say no, red flag. Also the way he brought Simonās dad up out of nowhere lmfaoo. I donāt feel bad for him at all.
Season 2 was definitely more dramatic but I think it also had more character development (especially for wille) which is why I liked it so much! Weāre seeing him explore who heās becoming and trying to balance what he wants with the wants of the monarchy (specifically because he doesnāt want to let Erik down), and itās such a real struggle. Simon on the other hand is struggling to trust wille and learn to compromise because it seems he doesnāt really trust anyone because heās been let down so much. Itās funny, youād think the prince would be the more stubborn one, but wille is so used to being pushed around heās willing to compromise to get at least part of what he wants, whereas Simon is used to being able to walk away which is why he canāt see how wille is trying to work within the constraints he lives in. Simon does start to realize the extent of lack of control wille has over his own life and thatās why he ends up agreeing to be a secret at first.
Also yes I love felice sheās such a good friend, she honestly was the only thing holding wille together this season so thank you felice.
hi hi lovely anon!! i finally got time to sit down and answer this properly hehe. again putting this under a cut so i don't clog people's dashes
thatās a great point about august graduating, i didnāt even clock that!!! thank goodness. i mean heāll obviously still be in the show but i was thinking one of the few ways they could do a redemption arc would be him reclaiming his prefect status but he canāt do that when heās out of school. (iām so sorry to this man, like i keep ragging on him and maybe a redemption would be narratively good he just Annoys me)
yeah marcus was very much like š¬š¬. the age gap didnāt bother me hugely (i didnāt even realise it) but there got to a point where i was like simon has told you he doesnāt want anything serious/is still not over his last relationship. like yeah it sucked he kissed wille while they were ātogetherā but YOU were the one who insisted on this relationship despite his evident reluctance. (also youāre SO RIGHT that comment about his dad was so uncalled for, when he said that i was like if a man ever said that to me iād walk away like wtf?)
thatās actually a really good point about willeās character development, i didnāt even think about but now i am im like oh thatās SO true. i loved him standing up for himself against the royal family and i think they were *chefs kiss* at showing this inner conflict between his wants/the desires of the royal family and wanting to uphold his brotherās legacy. When he found out erik also went to therapy!!! šš GODD wille i wanted to hug him so much this season
also it was so good bc i totally understood both simon and willeās points, like i donāt think either of them were particularly in the wrong! like obviously wille is in a tough position and he has very little wiggle room, but i totally understood simon not wanting to have to climb back into the closet for him. itās just so complicated and i thought they did that really well (but yeah when they got back together and they had that lil hug in the corridor in the last episode i was like š„ŗš„ŗ like PLZZZ i missed their intimacy i want more of that next season @netflix!!!)
felice is the best character argue with the wall. i love her. constantly raising the bar and doing it flawlessly. absolutely no notes felice keep being brilliant x
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ššššššš šššššš ššš š ššššš ššš šššš ! !
IT HAS BEEN a long and perhaps quite a tiring year (for me, at least, and i am sure for many others as well, unfortunately) and i think we all should receive like,,, a participation or completion medal honestly :') i sincerely hope tomorrow (and the year 2022) will be a fresh new start for those who are in need of one and i hope each and every one of you have a lovely time :(
it's my second time celebrating a new year on this site so this is very weird haha i first created a random account bc i was so extremely bored during quarantine last august and i did not expect to find so many people who i have now become friends with ;-; y'all are so cool and cute i adore you :( and i am also very very grateful for those of you out there who read my works and follow me and stuff :') y'all are the best :( i enjoy interacting with you (also pls excuse my late answers istg my social battery is prone to draining very quickly so i hold messages and asks off sometimes ;-;)
anyways!! to all of my precious friends and followers: I WISH YOU A HAPPY GREAT NEW YEAR AND HOPE THAT YOU WILL BE TREATED BETTER BY LIFE STARTING FROM NOW!!
in particular though, i really want to just give a few moots a tight, tight hug ;-; fr my irl friends could not do half of the things y'all did for me even without y'all knowing <//3 moving on!!
@yourlocalhotgf when i tell you that i love you with all of my heart and soul :( my precious, i feel like you understand me so, so well it's crazy ;-; i always feel at ease with you and it hurts me whenever you aren't doing alright. thank you for being there like,, always :( im sorry that i will never be able to be as great and amazing of a friend as you are to me ;-; i love you i love you i love you ily >:(
@bloomingnono you little piece of sunshine i love you my first friend ;-; it's been like what?? eight months since i last talked to you bc you abandoned online life :') and i have no idea how you are doing now but i genuinely hope you're doing okay out there ;-;
@t-toodumbtocare pls can i cry i feel so emotional with you idek why š just. idk. idk just thank you for existing bc you living your life just makes me feel so at ease :( i admired you so much and still do just as much ;-; may this new year be an absolute blast for you oml you deserve it.... mum :')
@blueprint-han hi dawnie it's been a while since our last convo but i will never forget how precious you are to me. thank you so much for everything you have done. when i couldn't tell anyone anything, you were the first person i opened up to and you talked me out of so many things and gave me so so much advice and i cherish you so much :( i hope you're doing well and have a great year ahead, really ;-;
@doiefy man my first tumblr mom if i might say so myself š did you know that you were my second online friend?? legitimately. thank god i discovered you through rosie's blog, my faeiry istg you are a godsend. so precious very precious very talented i am happy you exist and i think you should know that :( āsincerely, š¦ :')
@channoticedmeuwu you fucking menace pls i want to smother you in hugs let me smother you in hugs i will smother you in hugs ;-; we used to talk a lot bahaha and im so thankful that you trusted me enough to be all open with me ;-; and also vice versa ;-; kai ilysm i hope you are doing much, much better :( thank you for everything up till now and i hope next year is a wonderful year for you too :(
@fairyjunn my precious maria :( my soulmate and friend, first of all happy late birthday!! i wanted to celebrate it a few days ago but it somehow slipped my mind so im taking a little spot on this post to wish you a happy, happy (late bday ;-;) you encourage me like no other and i feel so overwhelmingly loved by you it's crazy :( thank you so so much for always bringing a smile on my face even just by the thought of you :') you're the sweetest and most caring and loving and i hope life treats you the way you deserve to be treated :(
@junityy bruh i feel like i want to both hug you and send you off to the moon š happy new year you cutie and i wish you a great... sliiide.... into 2022 š i have THE most fun talking with you and we vibe and get each other so well i wish we were as close as before but yeah i will be bothering you a lot again soon so you better keep your eyes open and tysm for everything honestly :') you made my year so much more enjoyable :(
and to all of my moots that i interacted with before and now, i really do hope you have a nice nice nice year :(
a little section for myself :')
so... this year was wild :') honestly hot damn the amount of things that went down this year is making me wheeze and cry at the same time :') i laughed a lot... but yeah i cried a lot negl this year was my crybaby year im hollering ;-; i started doing stuff i shouldn't do, did stuff i shouldn't have done and lost a good friend irl but ig that's life :') hoping that i get better this following year ā
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8 Ways of Love;
ā park seonghwa
according to the ancient greeks, there are eight different types of love. here is:
ļ½„*:ą¼
ļ½” the one known as pragma, the enduring love.
aka, the kind of love that matures and develops over a long period of time, and somewhat rare to find.Ā
8 ways of love series; version i
A love story that shows the progression of yours and seongwhaās relationship from the moment you two become friends, to lovers, to exes, and everything else in between.Ā
love catalyst: the subconscious.
At the age of six years old you declare Park Seonghwa to be your boyfriend, solidifying yourĀ ārelationshipā with a hug.
āEww, y/n, you have cooties!ā your best friend barks, pushing you off him.
āWha- hey no I donāt!ā you squeak.
āYes you do because Mingi told all the boys not to touch the girls because they have a disease and itās going to eat our bodies alive!ā he practically screeches getting up from the sandbox about to walk away from you.
āSeonghwaaa heās lying!ā you whine out and he huffs turning around to face you.
āWell all the other boys are listening to him so he has to be right.āĀ
āWell I touched you yesterday when we were playing tag and youāre fine!ā you defend.Ā āAnd if all girls have cooties then how come your mommy still hugs and kisses you goodbye in the morning? Wouldnāt you be dead now?ā
Even at the age of 6 you were the biggest smartass Seonghwa knew.
After a moment of deliberation, he sighs. āOkay fine, youāre right.ā your friend huffs.Ā
āSo are you gonna back so we can play again?ā you ask, arms crossed over your little body.Ā
Seonghwa nods before grabbing onto your hand to drag you back into the sandbox.Ā
The two of you return to making your sandcastle and itās only a mere two minutes later does your friend speak up.āAm I actually your boyfriend now?ā he asks suddenly and you whip your head towards him.
āWell I hugged you so yeah.ā you roll your eyes at him and his soft little laugh makes your tiny heart jump.
Within the next week you two forget youāreĀ āboyfriend-and-girlfriendā and go back to being the best friends youāve always been, playing in the sandbox after school, watching cartoons at your house, and never missing a single dinner together while your parents listen to the two of you talk your little heads off.
For the record, there wasnāt much of a difference in your so-called relationship and your friendship in the first place when you were just six years old.
Ā At thirteen years old, your best friend confesses he likes you.
āOkay I know this is weird because, I should see you as like, a sister or something, I donāt know!ā Seonghwa rants, pacing back and forth in your bedroom as you watch him frantically explain the way he feels about you.
āYou know what I mean though? Youāre like, practically family to me! Right? Right...ā you figure heās talking more to himself than to you as he asks himself questions that heās quick to answer to.Ā āLike youāre probably gonna think Iām weird or something, but you are my best friend and I donāt want it to be weird-ā
āSeonghwa for the love of god can you just get to your point.ā you interrupt impatiently.
āI like you okay?ā he says quietly, avoiding all eye contact with you.Ā
His heart is beating so fast he feels like itās actually going to rip right through his chest. Heās never been nervous around youĀ ever. Youāre his best friend, and you have been since you were 5 years old, and he doesnāt know why he suddenly feels like youāre the only girl he wants in his life.Ā
When he hears you laughing at him his heart drops to his stomach and he braces himself for the upcoming rejection.
āCan you come sit next to me.ā you ask, gesturing to the empty spot on your bed.Ā
Seonghwa complies, yet his anxiety is rising by the second. He has never been so nervous in all the thirteen years heās been alive. He almost wants to vomit as his stomach churns at the thought of you telling him you didnāt feel the same way.
āYouāre rejecting me arenāt you...ā he sighs, plopping down onto the spot next to you.
You shake your head with a smile.Ā āNo idiot, I like you too. Obviously.ā you roll your eyes at him.
āWait, what? Seriously??ā he almost goes into shock.Ā āAre you joking?ā
āI mean, I thought it was pretty obvious.ā you shrug.Ā āI was throwing subtle signs at you for the longest time.ā
āLike what?!āĀ
āLike the time I kept pestering you to take me to the Valentineās Day dance, and when I made you hold my hand during that scary movie when you know I never get scared of horror films. Oh, and the time you kept badgering me about why I rejected Hongjoong for no good reason. I kept telling you that you were the only guy I needed in my life and you were too oblivious to realize I didnāt mean it in the friend way anymore.ā you chuckle.
āOh... Oh,ā Seonghwa realizes.Ā āI really am oblivious then.ā
āItās okay, I already knew you liked me back anyways.ā you smirk at him, grabbing your remote off the bedside table.
You flip the TV on as you feel Seonghwaās heavy gaze on you. āSo does this mean youāre my girlfriend?ā he asks you and you pause.
āI mean technically we never broke up when we were six so youāre basically just re-asking me out.ā you tease, pulling the blankets on both your bodies as you settle on a show to watch.
āOh god, you still remember that?āĀ
Of course you do.Ā
āObviously, how could I forget you screaming to the entire park that I had cooties.āĀ
He laughs at that and you canāt help but smile widely hearing him. You both lay comfortably next to one another, watching intently at the show in front of you, yet both your minds were racing at the fact that officially, you could say you were boyfriend and girlfriend.Ā
āSo when did you start liking me?ā he asks you.Ā
āHonestly, I think I always did.ā you answer truthfully.Ā āBut, like actually realizing my feelings for you?ā you pause for a moment to think.Ā āI think it was when you got really sick that one time and your parents were away for a business trip, and my mom made me drop off soup to your house. And I was only supposed to drop off the soup but I took care of you because even when you were all snotty and gross and barely awake to hang out with me, I kinda just realized Iād rather spend my time with you doing that than anywhere else.ā
His eyes soften at you.Ā āAww.ā
āBuuut then before that, there was also that time that Ashley told you she liked you and I got super jealous and I was actually going to shove her into a brick wall, so ...I kinda just figured...ā you add.
āWay to ruin a sappy moment, moron.ā Seonghwa playfully shoves you and you laugh.Ā
You cuddle up next to him returning your attention back to the show in front of you. Only aĀ few minutes pass before Seonghwa speaks up again, and his question catches you off guard.
āWhat if we break up... like eventually?āĀ
You think about it for a second.Ā āThen we go back to being best friends.ā
āThat easy?ā
āThat easy.ā you nod.Ā
āFor the record though, I donāt ever want there to be a time where I donāt like you. I hope there isnāt.ā he says.
āI hope there isnāt either.ā you assure, and just like that, you two go back to watching tv.
Youāve always had a soft spot for Seonghwa so it never came as a surprise to you, or anybody for that matter when you figured out you had a little crush on your best friend.Ā
In a hypothetical situation, if somewhere along the way your feelings ever started to fade, you still couldnāt picture a life where he wasnāt right beside you no matter what.Ā He was your person, and he has been since you two were five. There was nobody in this world that could replace the bond you had with him.
Even at the age of thirteen, you knew you wanted Seonghwa to be there for the rest of your life.
At the age of fourteen and a half, you and Seonghwa have your first ever fight where he conveniently declares that he loves you for the first time.Ā
seonghwa <3; received 4:24 pm
y/n can u not be like this and talk to me :(Ā
plsssssss
iām sorry
can u let me come over and talk to u
Your phone continues to buzz as you stare at it beside you, rolling your eyes at his insistent messaging.
You try your best to ignore it but the continuous beeping irritates you to no end.
you; delivered 4:26 pm
no
iām mad at u.
seonghwa <3; received 4:26 pm
:(
you; delivered 4:27 pm
can u like do smth with ur life instead of bothering me
seonghwa <3; received 4:27 pm
ouch.
Okay, you admit. That one was a low blow and for a second you almost feel bad until youāre reminded of the fact that you were still royally pissed at him.
you; delivered 4:28 pm
ur actually annoying
seonghwa <3; received 4:28 pm
ya ik i am
but yk what iām not
someone who is going to do nothing about their gf being mad at them
so open ur window bc im climbing up so i can apologize
stop being a meanie and let me say sorry
Despite how mad you still are, your heart canāt help but skip a beat reading his messages. No matter how hard you wanted to stay angry at him and tell him to go away, you knew you wouldnāt be able to resist him even if you tried. Seonghwa was charming like that, always managing to sweet talk you in every way.Ā
You crack open your window and see his tuft of black hair climbing up your ladder. As he hops into your bedroom you fold your arms across your chest, not daring to say a word to him until he speaks first.
āLook, Iām sorry for being an ass earlier.ā Seonghwa apologizes, and all you do is look at him. He sighs before continuing.Ā āI was just having a bad day and took it out on you and I shouldnāt have blown up on you during class. I get it. Dick move.ā
āBut then you had to go and talk to Ashley about it?ā you added.Ā āThat was like the worst part of it! Do you trust her more than me or something?ā
āWhat? No! Of course not!ā he panics.Ā
āYou, and everyone else and their mother knows sheās like obsessed with you!ā you shout in frustration.Ā āSheās liked you for so long, do you know how stupid you made me look running off to her knowing how she feels about you?!ā
āThat wasnāt my intention-ā
āWere you trying to make me mad?ā
āNo, y/n.ā
āDid you do it to make me jealous?ā
āNo!ā
āSo why Seonghwa, did you have to go and vent to her after you yelled at me in front of everyone when all I did was try to help?ā
āI donāt know, okay!ā
āI just donāt understand why me of all people you had to take it out on. When all iāve literally done for you for like the last ten freaking years of us being friends was listen to you when you had a bad day or try to cheer you up when you were down! Never once when I was feeling crappy did I take that out on you. Never.ā you explain with a heavy sigh.Ā
āIām sorry.ā he doesnāt know what else to say because he knows heās in the wrong.Ā
āDo you like her or something?ā your voice is quiet and the hurt is evident.Ā āCause if you do just tell me.ā
Seonghwa is quick to shut you down as he pulls you into his arms.
āNo, no, no. Y/n, I donāt like her. I donāt. Please believe me.ā he begs.Ā āLook, I donāt know why I went to her when I shouldāve gone to you. I couldnāt even begin to explain what was going through my head at that point because I donāt know. But I love you, okay? I would never, ever like Ashley.ā
Your eyes widen and you pull away from him.Ā āW-what did you just say?ā
āI... um...ā Seonghwa starts to fumble over his words because he didnāt exactly intend to tell you, but it sort of just came out and now heās starting to panic.
āDo you mean it?ā you ask.
He just nods, a little embarrassed at his sudden declaration.
āI love you too.ā you say softly, and he relaxes.
āReally?ā
āYeah.ā
"Iām really sorry, y/n.ā he pulls you close to him, burying his face into your hair as he hugs you tightly.
āIām sorry too.ā you murmur against him.
āI hate fighting with you.ā he mumbles.
āMe too.ā
āI promise Iāll never take my anger out on you again. And Iāll never talk to Ashley again. And Iāll literally do whatever you want me to if it means you wonāt stay mad at me because I donāt like it when youāre mad at me, and I hate making you sad.ā he rambles and you let out a small chuckle.
āJust come lay down and watch Friends with me.ā
āOkay.ā
And you ultimately forget that youāre mad at Seonghwa because you decide that you canāt really stay mad at him after he tells you that he loves you. And although all is forgiven, he still decides to grovel for the next week as a reassurance that he really meant his apology.
So at fourteen years old, you have your first, and last fight with him.
At the age of sixteen, you celebrate your three year anniversary with Seonghwa, and decide you were ready to lose your virginity to him.
āOkay I know you said that the expensive dinner date was enough of a present for you, but you know me and always overdoing it....ā he says behind you as you hear the crinkling of a bag behind you.
āSeonghwa...ā
āTrust me, babe. Youāre gonna love it.ā he assures as he walks over to you.
Your eyes instantly fall onto the small red velvet box in his hands and your mouth falls open.
āThis was expensive wasnāt it?ā you pry and he shrugs.
āMaybe, but I was saving up for it for a while now.ā he responds, sitting next to you as he hands you the box.
āI always feel bad every time you spend money on me.ā you sigh as your fingers smooth over the velvet.
āI know but it was worth it, trust me. Open it.ā Seonghwa urges.
You pull apart the bow and lift up the lid, your eyes widening in awe at the shiny ring placed inside. You lift it out gently noticing the small engraving on the inner part of the band, with both your initials and a smallĀ āi love you 4everā written underneath.
āOh my god,ā you utter. āI love it.ā you place the ring on your finger.
āGood because I have a matching one too.ā your boyfriend grins at you as he pulls out another box lined with a silver band with that very same engraving.Ā
You pull him in for a hug as he wraps his arms around you instinctively and all you can feel right now is an overload of gratitude for him.Ā
āI actually love you so much.ā you say, pulling his face towards you to press soft kisses all over his face.
āYeah, I know Iām the best,ā Seongwha chuckles.Ā āBut I love you too baby.ā
Your lips mould together perfectly, the kiss slow and soft at first. His hands wrap around your waist and your mouth moves gently against his. But soon enough youāre clinging to him and his body is pressed against yours, the kiss growing more needy and intense.
You knew when things started to get heavy he would stop the both of you from going further, never wanting to push you to discomfort. The furthest you had gone with one another was only third base, but it never went further than that and Seonghwa always left that decision up to you if you wanted to take it there.
You figure if you donāt speak up now, he was going to cut this short, so itās only then at this very moment do you decide you wanted him to be your first.
āDo you want to have sex?ā you blurt out suddenly and you swear youāve never seen your boyfriendās eyes go so wide before.Ā
He opens his mouth to speak but he canāt seem to find the right words to say.Ā āI- um, wait, are you being for real?ā he stutters.Ā āI mean, I do want to, but, are you sure you want to?ā he asks, still in disbelief from your question.
āShit, sorry I know that was really sudden to ask, but I do want to.ā you assure.Ā āBut only if you want to.ā
āOf course I want to.ā his eyes soften, and his hand finds yours in an instant delivering a comforting squeeze.
āOkay so come here and kiss me again please.ā you say quietly.
And just like that, Seongwhaās soft lips land on yours once more. Without breaking apart he gently guides you to the head of his bed, laying you down underneath him as your bodies press up against each other.
You swear you can kiss Seongwha for hours and never grow tired of the feeling. You get drunk off his kisses, unable to think of anything else but him. Itās dizzying really, but you love it. You find that off all the things you love about him its his lips, and how impossibly soft they are and how familiar they feel against your own. How much comfort it would bring you, and how all you had to when you had a bad day was just kiss your boyfriend for however long he let you.
It felt like home.
His lips trailed lower to your neck, littering soft pecks across your skin. Quiet noises escape your lips and Seongwha canāt help but grind against your lower half. His hands travel across your body and the ache between your legs grows by the second, and the only thing you can think of is how much you love him, and need him.
Your mind kind of blurs because the next second you find yourself both naked and heās fiddling in his drawer to find what you assumed to be a condom. He notices your curious stare as he opens his mouth to speak.Ā āM-my dad told me to keep these in here,ā Seongwha stutters.Ā āHe said to be prepared in case the time comes, and well, hereās the time I guess.ā he laughs lightheartedly and the very sound makes your heart swell.Ā
āNice call on Papa Park I guess,ā you joke and Seongwha chuckles.
He climbs over you and delivers another peck to your swollen lips.Ā āOkay, no more mention of my dad please when Iām about to put my penis in you.ā
āSorry, sorry.ā you chuckle nervously as your boyfriend pulls you in for another kiss.Ā
"Okay, if it hurts tell me to stop and I will, alright?ā his eyes stare deeply into your own.
You nod at him with a small smile, admiring what little of his face you could see in the darkness of his room.Ā āI will, donāt worry.ā
āOkay.ā he sighs, positioning himself in front of you. āI love you.ā he whispers against your lips.Ā
āI love you more, baby.ā you say to him before you feel him push himself inside you. You gasp at the feeling and he stills in his spot to let you adjust.Ā
And once you signal that itās okay for him to move, he does at a slow pace, and you gasp at the intense pleasure. Even though the pain has subsided his thrusts are still slow and controlled, and you donāt know if itās because heās afraid to hurt you, or if he just wants to revel in the feeling of you around him. Either way your heart fills with love for this one boy.Ā
āI love you so much, youāre the best thing thatās ever happened to me, youĀ know that?ā he whispers in your ear and your eyes shut at his words and the newfound feeling you would grow to love.Ā āand thank you for trusting me right now...ā his breathing grows heavy.Ā ābecause I would do anything for you, and I just want you to know that, okay?ā
You almost feel like you could cry because above all the pleasure that youāre experiencing right now, his words feel different, more intimate, and all the more meaningful to you.Ā
And you believe every word he says because you know he truly means it.
āI would do anything for you too.ā you repeat his words back to him and he buries his face into your neck as he continues to thrust into you.Ā
So at sixteen years old, you have your first time with the love of your life. And you tell yourself that no matter what happens between the both of you, you were never going to regret giving that part of yourself to him.Ā
At the age of eighteen years old, you do the unthinkable.
You decide after a long and heavy conversation, you two were going to break up. You were both set to leave town to pursue your studies at your dream schools, and you felt that parting ways at this point was the better option.
While you two could figure out a way to make things work while half way across the world from each other, you had to take into account all the factors that would drive you two apart. The time difference, the long distance, the fact that you were inevitably going to meet new people, and that you simply did not want to hold each other back from experiencing a life without one another.Ā
Because all youāve known almost your entire life was being with Seonghwa, and him with you. You knew it was only fair to give each other the chance to explore something new, and now was that time.
It wasnāt an easy decision by any means, and although it was an amicable split, youāve never felt the pain of a broken heart before. It hurt really bad.
Your friends and family decide to throw you both one last goodbye party, wanting to celebrate this special milestone with you. And of course there was no way you and Seonghwa could pass up the last good night you two would have together as a couple.
The party was fun at first. The dancing, the singing, the laughing, and the endless exchange of pictures as you guys shared the last few memories you would have as high school graduates.Ā
But as the night started to creep in, you both realized that in less than 24 hours, you two would no longer be attached to one another like you had been for the last thirteen years. And after five years as a couple, you still couldnāt believe that your relationship would come to an end, just like that.
You hear the faint music in the background of your house, as you and Seonghwa sit in your backyard, gazing up at the stars.
āThis fucking sucks.ā Seonghwa sighs, resting his head on your shoulder as you lean your head on top of his.Ā
āI know.ā your throat burns, suppressing the urge to cry.Ā
āI just didnāt expect this day to come. I never thought we would actually break up with each other.ā he admits, and you nod your head in agreement.Ā
You grab onto his hand rubbing comforting circles onto his skin, and you feel Seonghwaās body start to shake next to you. You donāt want to look at him because you know if you see him cry, youāll cry too.
You close your eyes trying to control your heavy breathing and the quivering of your lips. Your eyes are watering but you refuse to let your tears slip, and your heart hurts like itās never hurt before, and you donāt know if the pain will ever go away.
āSeonghwa I really love you.ā your voice breaks and you finally let the tears fall.
āI know, baby.ā the pet name has always affected you, but now more than ever it tugs at your heart strings in a bittersweet way. āI really, really love you too. Always.ā
āYou know youāre the love of my life right? Youāre always going to be.ā you state and he delivers a squeeze to your hand in acknowledgement.
āAnd youāll always be mine.ā he answers back.Ā āYouāre my best friend in the whole world and the last five years with you as my girlfriend will forever be the greatest five years of my life. I will always stand by the fact that you are the best thing to ever happen to me.ā
As you stare at one another with teary eyes, he knows youāre saying the same exact words to him. He doesnāt need to hear you say it, nor does he expect you to. Your eyes say more than enough to him.
You look down at the rose gold band around your finger and you realize how long youāve kept it on, never once taking it off since that day Seonghwa gave it to you. āDo you want your ring back?ā you utter, your eyes watering once more.
Seonghwa shakes his head. āPlease keep it. Because I still mean it. And I always will. Iām gonna love you forever, y/n. Even if you decide to take it off, if thatās the last reminder you have of how much I love you, then please keep it.ā
Your heart is hurting, and the tears seem never ending as they continue to fall down your cheeks.Ā āI donāt want to leave you Seonghwa.ā a sob escapes from your lips, and Seonghwa squeezes your hand again.
āI know, baby but you have to. Youāre going to the school youāve dreamed of going to since you were in the fourth grade. Youāre going to accomplish so much and a build a great life for yourself, y/n. And even though I wonāt be physically with you, Iām always going to support you every step of the way.ā he assures.
You knew in a perfect world you two didnāt have to break up. But long distance was a bitch, and you moving across the world was never going to be easy on him. You couldnāt force each other to wait for the other. Not when the both of you had to start a whole new life separately. You had to let each other go.
You turn to face him, your teary eyes staring into his own. āIāll always support you too, okay? No matter what. I want you to make the most of your time in Seoul, study hard, surround yourself with good people and have the most fun youāve ever had. Youāre gonna make so many friends and pursue the career youāve always wanted and experience new things that youāve never done before. And most of all, youāre going to meet a girl and love her just as much as you loved me. And youāre gonna fall in love all over again, and just be happy. Just promise me that you will make the most of your time over there and live your life to the fullest. Donāt look back, donāt wait for me. Just live until I get to see you again.ā your voice breaks.Ā āAnd if somehow we find our way back to one another, then just know everything we did up to that point was worth it.ā
Seonghwa lets out a sob and nods.Ā āI promise.ā his voice breaks and you pull him in for your last goodbye kiss.
At nineteen, you visit your hometown for Christmas, which was the first time youād be back in a year and a half.Ā
Having missed out on the chance to visit last year with your busy schedule, you made sure not to pass up the chance to see your family and friends. The more you grew accustomed to your new home you managed to find a good balance between school, work, and your personal life, so you found that this year was finally a good time to return back for a visit.
And there was no better time to come home than for Christmas day.
āYeah, just landed at our layover and waiting for the next flight.ā you say to your mother over Facetime.
āThatās great honey, Iām so excited to see you.ā she smiles at you and you return the gesture.Ā
āI missed you mom.ā you say.
āAnd I missed you even more.āĀ
You two continue conversing amongst one another, as she filled you in on all things you missed while you were gone before a voice interrupts your conversation.
āHey babe, here.ā Juyeon says, handing you a coffee as he presses a small kiss to your forehead.
āOh thank you.ā you murmur with a small smile as your boyfriend sits down next to you.
āOh hey miss y/l/n!ā Juyeon greets seeing your momās face plastered on your screen.
āJuyeon!ā she squeals excitedly.Ā āI canāt wait to finally meet you in person instead of over video chat. It was about damn time.ā she states and you and your boyfriend chuckle. You hand him your phone allowing them to talk with one another and you smile fondly at the newfound bond between Juyeon and your mother.
āI know, I canāt wait to meet all of you guys too! I know y/nās been really excited, it was all she could talk about for the last three weeks.ā he teases.Ā āAnd she says you make really good pie so i am definitely looking forward to that.ā
āThat is such an understatement, I make the best pie.ā she scoffs. āAnd I made one specifically for you.ā your mother beams.
After a few minutes of playful banter exchanged, Juyeon hands your phone back to you.Ā āIām gonna go to the bathroom before we board, Iāll be back.ā he excuses himself and you nod in acknowledgement.Ā
āOh y/n, I just thought I should mention Seonghwa and his family are coming over for Christmas dinner as well.ā your mom says and the sheer mention of his name as your heart beating in your chest.
āOh heās back in town too?ā you ask casually and she nods.
āYup, heās also bringing his girlfriend.ā she adds.
āThatās great, Iām really happy for him.ā you say with a smile.
And you meant it, truly.Ā
You knew of his girlfriend from the few photos he posted of her on instagram, and he seemed genuinely happy. Aside from his newfound love, he was clearly enjoying his time in Seoul like you had hoped, and it was everything you wished for him.Ā
You two hadnāt really spoken over the last year, and it wasnāt really on purpose, you two just kind of drifted, as expected. You two were starting fresh in an unfamiliar place, and you both were finding your way around your new homes. You two were also preoccupied with school, and meeting new people so it was sort of inevitably really that you two grew apart. Of course there were the few times you two would chat, but it never lasted long due to time differences and busy schedules.Ā
Although you missed him immensely, you were beyond happy for the life he started for himself, and you knew he was happy for you too. He did exactly what he promised you the last night you spent together, and that was enough to make you happy.
āFlight 219 now boarding.ā the announcer calls and Juyeon meets you right on time.
āOkay mom, thatās us. Iāll see you in a few hours, bye, love you.ā you bid your farewell before hanging up, and Juyeon grabs your hand leading you to the gate.
āReady to go home?ā he smiles at you, and you beam excitedly, nodding your head.
As the days pass leading up to Christmas, you spend all of your of time with your family and friends, using every second to catch up with your loved ones. You find that Juyeon is adapting well to your home life, bonding with your father and making your mother love him even more than she already did. You introduce him to your childhood friends and he instantly wins over Mingi, Hongjoong, Yunho and Jennie. You admire how much of an effort he put into forming a friendship with them because he knew how much it meant to you.
You were thankful really, to find a guy who was almost perfect for you.
But still, in the back of your mind, even though you loved Juyeon beyond belief, you knew Seonghwa would always have that special place in your heart.
On the day of Christmas, you and Juyeon set the table as you await the Parkās arrival. You were slightly nervous, obviously, given the fact that you had not seen Seonghwa in over a year and you would be meeting his girlfriend. Although you were happy for him, you still felt anxious to see him and her, and you could only hope that she was good for him, because he deserved that much.Ā
Only a few moments later do you hear a knock at your door and your mother walks over to greet your longtime neighbours. Juyeon stands next to you as he wraps an arm around your waist comfortingly and you relax against him.Ā
You see Mrs. Park first as she walks inside, giving your mother a friendly hug. Mr. Park follows suit as he greets your mother and your father with a wide smile on his face.
And then you see him.
His hair is slightly darker and he does look a little older. But other than that his face is so familiar to you and your heart beats wildly in your chest as the two of you make eye contact. His face softens when he sees you and you deliver a small wave to him as he smiles. His girlfriend trails behind him and you take notice of how beautiful she was. You smile at her too and she returns the gesture and your heart kind of warms seeing how shy she is because you always kind of knew Seonghwa would pick someone similar to him.
āOh my y/n, how long has it been!ā Mrs. Park calls towards you and you hug her tightly.Ā
āI missed you!ā you say to her and her arms wrap tighter around you.
āI missed you too, darling. And you look even more beautiful than the last time I saw you!ā she compliments.Ā āAnd who is this handsome man?ā
āThis is Juyeon, heās my boyfriend.ā you smile, and Juyeon shakes her hand.
āNice to meet you, Mrs. Park. Y/nās talked a lot about your family.ā he says politely.
āY/nās picked a good one, I see.ā she winks playfully as you notice Seonghwa and his girlfriend make their way towards you two.
āHey y/n, long time no see.ā Seonghwa says and you almost melt at the sound of his voice. He pulls you in for a hug and you notice how he still wears the same cologne that you had bought him all those years ago.
āYeah, itās good to see you again.ā you smile at him, and although it had been well over a year since you two last saw each other, there was no hint of awkwardness, just nostalgia.
āOh, this is Juyeon.ā you introduce and Seonghwa delivers a warm smile to your boyfriend, shaking his hand respectfully.
āNice to meet you.ā Juyeon smiles.
āItās nice to meet you too, Iām Seonghwa. Y/nās... childhood friend.ā he decides to say.
āI know sheās mentioned you a lot in her stories.ā your boyfriend acknowledges.Ā āFrom all the things she told me you were one of the people I was looking forward to meet the most. You seemed really great to her.ā
āI could only hope so. She was my best friend after all.ā Seonghwa glances at you, and you know thereās a deeper meaning behind his words. āAnd you seem like a really great guy, so Iām glad she has good people in her life.ā Seonghwa returns and you find it heartwarming how well their exchange is going.
You look at the girl beside your ex and sheās staring at you with gentle, curious eyes.Ā āHi, Iām y/n.ā you smile at her, extending your hand out for her to shake.
āRosĆ©,ā she beams at you and you donāt even really know her but there was something about her that assured you she was good fit for Seonghwa.Ā āI heard a lot about you as well, Hwaās always talking about his life back home so Iām really glad I got to meet his best friend. You were really special to him.ā
You smile softly. āIām glad I got to meet you too.ā you say.
āOkay, time for dinner everyone!ā your father announces and you all take a seat at the table, passing over plates of food and catching up with one another.
āSo Seonghwa, howās Seoul treating you?ā your mother asks as everyone turns their attention towards him.
āUh really good actually,ā he responds.Ā āI joined a band actually! Uh, I became friends with these really nice guys. San and Yeosang. They basically recruited me after they found out I could sing and now we play at this local bar every week on Fridayās and Saturdayās. It was really good for me, I think. It helped with my stress and stuff. And thatās actually where I met RosĆ©.ā
āThatās amazing.ā your mother comments with a warm smile.
āYeah he was really shy at first but San kind of forced him to talk to me which I was really thankful for because I was eyeing him for a while and was too shy myself to approach him.ā RosĆ© says.Ā āI still remember the night he asked for my number and he was stumbling over his words and I swear he looked like he was going to pass out.ā she chuckles, and everyone at the table laughs along with her.
āOh my god I know what you mean, he also cracks his fingers a lot and starts to turn really purple when heās nervous.ā you add and RosĆ© points at you nodding in agreement.
āYes! I notice that all the time!ā she laughs, and you canāt help but laugh with her.
āTrust me, I have the most embarrassing stories of him when we were kids.ā you say.
āOh god, you have to tell me all of them.ā RosĆ© giggles.
āObviously, we have the whole night for that.ā you wink at her, and you realize how easy and natural it was to talk to her, and that confirmed that you indeed really liked her.Ā
Seonghwa watches the exchange between you both, and as you two make eye contact with each other, a small smile appears on his face as you nod at him, silently approving of the girl he chose to bring home for this special day. His heart grows full seeing how well the two of you got along, and heās forever grateful at how amazing of a person you were that you were so willingly to form a friendship with his new girlfriend.
Although he loved RosĆ© dearly, there was still a piece of his heart where heād always love you. And that piece grows a little more when he realizes how you continue to support him, even through this unconventional situation.Ā
Seonghwa decides heās going to do the same for you, because just like you were happy for him, he was happy for you too.Ā
Of course he was glad you found someone who could put a smile on your face like he once did, and he knows that for you to have willingly dated Juyeon, he had to have been just as great as you were. You always had the best judgement of people.
āSo Juyeon, howād you and y/n meet?ā Seonghwa asks genuinely and he notices the way his face lights up at the mention of your name.
āWe had a lot of mutual friends and they introduced us. Itās funny actually, I could tell y/n didnāt even really like me that much at first, she was always so disinterested when I would try and talk to her.ā Juyeon laughs.
āProbably stressing too much about trivial things.ā Seonghwa chuckles.
āYeah she does that a lot, so overly anxious all the timeā Juyeon notes, and Seonghwa agrees.Ā
āHey,ā you interrupt and Juyeon apologizes.
āSorry babe,ā he chuckles. "but yeah, I finally sweet talked my way to get her to go out on a coffee date with me and then the next day she asked to go out for lunch after our lecture. We kind of just ended up hanging out more often and well, the rest is history I guess.ā
āThatās great, Iām really glad she found someone that makes her happy.ā Seonghwa smiles, and you feel a sense of gratitude towards him.
The rest of the night your families converse with one another and share a few drinks, as you and Seonghwa share old stories with Juyeon and RosĆ©. If you told yourself three years ago that you would be sitting by the fireplace on Christmas day with you and Seonghwa as exes exchanging stories with your new lovers, you wouldāve never believed it.Ā
But you donāt think itās a bad thing at all. In fact youāre immensely grateful that despite not being as close to Seonghwa anymore, you were able to see each other grow and adapt with your new lives. A life where you made new friends and made new memories. Where you tried things youāve never tried before, and explored new places.Ā And where you could love other people and still be so insanely happy for one another.Ā
This was a good thing.
At one point during the night the two of you find yourselves alone, a comfortable silence filling the room as you stared at the fire in front of you, basking in its warmth.
āI missed you.ā Seonghwa is the first to break the silence.
āI missed you too.ā you return. āAnd Iām really happy for you, you know?āĀ
āIām really happy for you too, y/n.ā Seonghwa smiles at you.Ā āAnd I really like Juyeon. He seems really great, and he makes you happy, I can see it. Thatās all I ever wanted for you.ā
You hum in acknowledgement.Ā āAnd I think RosĆ© is amazing. Sheās perfect for you. And Iām forever grateful that you two have each other. I know weāve drifted over the last year, but youāre still my best friend in the whole world. And even though I donāt say it often, or even out loud, Iām supporting you through everything. As long as it makes you happy thatās all I care about.ā
His heart warms at your statement and he locks eyes with you. āAnd you know Iām always supporting you too. Seeing you happy and thriving is the best thing thatās ever happened to you. Itās all I want for you.ā he states.
Neither of you have to say it, but you know this is your unspoken way of saying that you both still loved each other greatly. You still stood by the fact that Seonghwa was, and always would be the most important person in your life, and you in his. Seeing one another content and happy despite not having each other around anymore, was the one thing that mattered to you both. The maturity and support you continued to show was only because of the immense love you have, and have always had for one another.Ā
The kind of love that lets you give up the person you love the most so they can have a better life without you.Ā
And the kind of love thatās okay with it.
At twenty-one years old, you and Seonghwa meet again.
Itās during one of your breaks where you find yourself extremely homesick. You donāt even give your family a heads up until youāre outside your childhood home knocking at your door.
It was an impulsive decision but itās not like you were currently in school. You had the time and the money, and you missed your hometown so incredibly bad that it only took you one second to make that decision to come back.
āComing, one second!ā you hear a male voice call behind the door and your eyebrows furrow in confusion.
āWell, thatās is definitely not my mom, or dad.ā you say to yourself.Ā āDid they move out without telling me or something-ā your internal conversation is cut short as the door swings open and youāre greeted by an unexpected figure.
āY/n?ā the boy says in surprise.
āSeonghwa??ā you say even more confused.Ā
āWhoās at the door Seonghwa?ā nowĀ thatās your motherās voice you hear and she gasps as she walks over to the door.Ā āY/n! Oh my god why didnāt you tell me you were coming back?!ā she pulls you into her arms.
āSurprise.ā you chuckle.Ā āI kind of sort of felt really homesick and impulsively bought a plane ticket last night so I could fly back so... here I am.ā
āWell come settle in! Seonghwa was just helping with some renovations in the house but Iāll let you two catch up.ā your mother grabs your luggage, carrying it up to your bedroom.Ā āGo grab a coffee or something!ā she yells upstairs.
You look over to Seonghwa and he shrugs.Ā āLetās go then.ā he smiles and your heart swells.
The two of you walk comfortably beside one another as you take in the scenery around you, missing the familiar place you once called home.Ā
āI didnāt know you were back in town too.ā you say after a few moments of silence.
āYeah, it was pretty impulsive too actually.ā he admits as he looks at you.Ā
āWhat was your reason?ā you ask curiously.
āBreak up.ā he states and your mouth falls open.
āWait, you and RosĆ©...āĀ
He nods.Ā āYeah, things just kinda, fizzled out. You know, we grew apart, wanted different things, came to a point where we were in different stages in our life.ā
āOh wow.ā is all you say.Ā āIām sorry to hear, she was really sweet. I really liked her.ā
āYeah, she was,ā Seonghwa sighs.Ā āI mean, we ended on good terms. Weāre still friends, actually. I donāt even think Iām necessarily sad about it to be honest, itās just different, you know? Like I know we werenāt even dating for that long, like two and a half years at most. But I just got so used to being around her and spending so much time with her, and then things just werenāt really the same after a while. It just felt odd not having someone. And being alone made me miss everything I had here so I came back.ā
You nod your head in understanding.Ā āYeah, I totally get what you mean.ā
Seonghwa raises his eyebrow at you.Ā āYou mean... you and Juyeon too?ā
āMhm,ā you hum.Ā āI think for us we just realized we were better off as friends than as a couple, you know? Like after a while the attraction kind of went away and we were only really together because it was comfortable. And we didnāt want to stay together if we werenāt in love anymore, it wouldnāt have made sense. The break up was easy and it felt right when we ended things, I kind of wish it happened sooner but, I was still thankful for the time we spent together. He is still one of my best friends so Iām grateful for that at least.ā
āThatās good.ā he smiles softly.Ā
āHey at least we both can confidently say we have a track record of smooth break ups, right?ā you joke lightheartedly.
āThank god for that.ā Seonghwa says with a laugh.
When you two enter the coffee shop youāre once again hit with a feeling of nostalgia as you think of all the times you, Seonghwa, and your friends would spend most days after school, drinking hot chocolate and eating pastries together as you all talked for hours and hours.
āIāll get our usuals, you can wait by our spot.ā Seonghwa offers, and you nod making your way towards your designated table.Ā
The moment you sit down youāre hit with a wave of flashbacks you shared in this very space, and a small smile creeps onto your face as you look back on all the old memories.Ā
After your brief moment of reminiscing, Seongwha sits across from you handing over your cup.Ā
āSometimes you donāt realize how much you miss home until youāre actually back in all the places you grew up in,ā you note as you take notice of the small engraving in the corner of the table marked with yours and all your friendsā initials. Your fingers ghost over the mark and when you look up at Seongwha you see that heās also eyeing the engraving.Ā
āI remember when we put that there,ā he recalls with a smile.Ā āAfter five years of coming here and sitting at this same exact table with our friends we claimed our ownership by putting that stupid engraving that took us forever to do. As if that stopped people from sitting here anyways.ā you both chuckled.
āWell at least Jennie and Hongjoong were brave enough to kick out the people who stole our spot.ā you laugh.
āYeah,ā Seonghwa smiles fondly at the memory.Ā āI still remember the days where Mingi and Yunho would bet the barista on how many butter croissants they could eat in one sitting so we could all get a supply of free hot chocolate for a year.ā
āAnd it was only after Mingi threw up everywhere that it turned out all we had to do was ask her, and she wouldāve done it anyways because we were regulars here.ā you finish with a soft chuckle.
A comfortable silence fills the air as you two reminisce on the old memories of your teenage years.
āCan I ask you something?ā Seonghwa says.
āOf course.ā
āWhen you finish university,ā he starts.Ā āWhat are you gonna do afterwards? Like do you plan on living abroad permanently? Or are you gonna come back home?ā
You pause for a second. āHonestly, after the first year there, I fell in love with the city. And I truly was planning on starting my life there and making that my permanent home, ācause I had Juyeon, and I had my new friends, I had jobs lined up for me after graduation, and just an overall great home.ā you say.Ā āBut after splitting up with him, and sitting with the fact that I was constantly homesick, I kinda realized that this is my home, you know? Like, no matter how much I loved my new friends, and loved the city, it would never be as special to me as here. Nothing over there compared to everything I have here. And I knew you were gonna come back from Seoul after graduation, and Jennie and Yunho were gonna come back from New Zealand too. And Mingi and Hongjoong, and the rest of them were all still here... I didnāt want to be the only one gone. All my real friends are here, my familyās here... youāre here. I didnāt want to leave that all behind.ā you exclaim and Seonghwaās face softens.
āIām really glad honestly.ā he responds.Ā āBecause I missed you a lot. And it wouldāve really sucked to know you werenāt gonna be here anymore when I moved back. I just really miss spending time with my best friend.ā
Your heart skips a beat.Ā āWell, you have the next two weeks to do that.ā you smile up at him.
āI have an idea.ā his eyes light up and you raise an eyebrow at him. āDo you wanna have a sleepover tonight? We can have a move night and order take out like the good old times.ā he grins at you.
āYou had me at sleepover.ā you say with a smile and so he grabs your hand, pulling you towards the exit.
When Seonghwa lets you into his house you almost forget the fact that you havenāt been inside in almost three whole years. This was practically your second home and you found comfort in the fact that nothing really changed since you last saw it. Everything looked almost exactly how you remembered it, minus the new couch and dining table, and a few new paintings hung up on the walls.
āYour mom didnāt change much over the last few years.ā you observe.
āYeah, she was going to do a whole renovation like your mom, and she even planned a whole design out, but she opted out last minute. She said she wanted me to come back home to something I remembered.ā Seonghwa answers.Ā āI didnāt get why at first but it only started making sense to me the more I started visiting and realized this was like my safety net.ā
āYeah, that makes sense.ā you say.
You and Seonghwa walk upstairs to his bedroom, and of course nothing changed inside either. It almost seemed like it had been untouched aside from the fresh bedsheets and clean floor. You notice the small picture frames neatly placed across his dresser table and you realize most of them are pictures with you. You pick one frame up as you remember the day so clearly. A faint smile forms on your face as your fingers ghost over the photo.
āI asked my mom to put those up again recently.ā Seonghwa states from behind you.Ā āI was gonna put more with our friends but I realized we didnāt take many with them. They were mostly just of us two. I hope you donāt think itās weird.ā
You shake your head.Ā āNo, of course not. I would never think itās weird.ā you say, placing the frame back onto his dresser.
Seonghwa tosses you one of his shirts and a pair of your old shorts that you always left at his house during your impromptu sleepovers. And suddenly youāre once again hit with a wave of nostalgia.Ā
āWhat do you wanna do?ā he asks and you flop onto his bed with a deep exhale.
āLetās just lay here for a second.ā you say pulling him down next to you.Ā āI just wanna remember everything that I missed while I was gone.āĀ
Seonghwa settles beside you and you canāt help your racing heart as he inches closer to you. As you lay next to one another looking up at the ceiling, your breathing relaxes and you revel in the feeling of just being so comfortable and at so at home.Ā
āYou donāt know how much I missed this,ā Seonghwa whispers next to you.Ā āeven though we havenāt seen each other in years and we donāt talk as much anymore, when Iām with you itās like we never even left each other. Like we just pick up right where we left off. Youāre the one person whoās always brought me comfort and I never feel like we have to force things with each other, no matter how much we drifted.ā
You feel heat rise to your cheeks and suddenly the room feels so much warmer. Your heart beats fast and you realize how much of an effect Seonghwa still has on you after all these years.
āI think about you everyday, you know that?ā you confess, turning your head to look at him.Ā āEvery time Iām out somewhere there will always be little things that remind me of you. And I think about all the places in the city I would take you, and the places I know you would love. I think about all the things you would tell me when I was feeling down, and how you would react to certain situations as if you were right there beside me the whole time. I miss you all the time.ā
You both stare at one another and your eyes flicker back and forth to his lips and when you look into his own eyes you notice him doing the same. After a moment of just staring into each otherās eyes, unsure of what to do next, Seonghwa pulls you towards his face and kisses you, and the feeling absolutely overwhelms you in all the good ways.
Itās far from soft and sweet, instead heavy and messy, and so intense that your chest burns with desire. You donāt dare pull away from him even when you needed to catch your breath, because the feeling of his lips on yours after all these years intoxicates you and has you yearning for more. Heās pulling you closer to him and you feel like your body is on fire.Ā
Seonghwa rolls on top of you and your bodies mould perfectly with one another, as if you were both the two missing pieces of a puzzle. You canāt exactly describe the feeling but itās overwhelming and very reminiscent and brings you back to all the times with Seonghwa that brought you so much happiness years ago. Itās a feeling you didnāt know if you would ever feel again and you missed it more than anything.
The ache between your legs becomes overwhelming and before you know it youāre begging him to touch you, and without any hesitation he does. Your bodies press tightly against each other and your desperate need for him only grows the moment he grinds down on you.Ā
The next thing you know, youāre both unclothed and fully exposed to one another, and you see each other in your most vulnerable states for the first time in years. When he finally pushes himself inside you the pleasure is significantly magnified as the fire inside you only intensifies at the feeling of him.
It happens quick at first but Seonghwa decides he wants to take his time with you. Like you, he didnāt know if he would ever feel you in this way again and he was going to use every second with you that he could.
You donāt know how much time has passed but by the end, you both are exhausted and sore, and panting heavily next to each other. Itās dark outside and the room is warm and even though youāre both sweaty and gross, you havenāt felt this good in a long, long time.Ā
āWas that okay?ā Seonghwa asks, pulling your naked body into his arms.
āYeah,ā you say with a small smile.Ā āIt was perfect.ā
So you lay in each otherās embrace for a while and your heart feels warm and fuzzy, bringing you an endless amount of comfort. You feel content at this very moment, and your worries are pushed to the back of your mind as you fall asleep soundly together.
Itās only at 2 oāclock in the morning do you wake up in a haze and through your fatigued confusion does your brain recall the events that took place a few hours ago. Unable to make out your surroundings in the darkness, your eyes widen not knowing if what happened earlierĀ really happened.Ā When you attempt to sit up you feel a pair of arms wrapped securely around your waist and your body relaxes. Soft snores escape Seonghwaās lips and you snuggle closer to his body to feel his warmth.
It dawns on you that you still are very much in love with Seonghwa, and of course deep down you knew that you always would be. You also knew given the chance (like now) your feelings would resurface because well...Ā they never really left in the first place.
The unknowingness of this outcome has you shifting in your spot and anxiety creeps in as you think of leaving him all over again. Because after tonight, you donāt know if you can bear the thought of parting ways with him and returning to your life abroad where you canāt tell him exactly how you feel.
You donāt realize right away that Seonghwa has woken up next to you and he only does so because of your constant shifting. Itās when he delivers a gentle squeeze to your waist do you finally take notice.
āAre you okay?ā his voice his deep and tired and the sound is enough to make your heart beat fast.
āYeah.ā you reply unconvincingly, but Seonghwa has known you all his life and was also the one to date you for five whole years. He knew you better than you probably knew yourself so in an instant he could tell there was something bothering you.
āWhatās on your mind?ā he asks.
Your back is leaning against his chest, and you can feel his soft breathing on your neck, and instinctively he starts to rub small circles on your arm knowing that was the one thing that could calm you down.
āItās stupid.ā you say, your voice is quiet and laced with a hint of embarrassment.
āDo you regret what we did?ā Seonghwa asks and youāre quick to shut down his claim.
āNo! No, of course not.ā you return.Ā āItās not that.ā
āThen what is it?āĀ
You exhale, letting out a heavy sigh.Ā āSeonghwa I still love you.ā itās almost inaudible to him but he knows he heard you correctly.Ā
He lets out a soft sigh and a smile smiles forms on his face.
āI still love you too, baby.ā and when you hear him call you by the name you loved so much, you feel like youāre going to melt in his arms.Ā āI always would remember?ā
Your eyes start to water because itās been so long since youāve been able to say that to him, and to hear him say those same exact words back to you has a weight lifting right off your shoulders that you didnāt even know was there.
āWhyās that upsetting you?ā he questions and you feel him press soft kisses to your shoulder.
āI donāt want to leave you all over again.ā you admit.Ā
He sighs next you and attempts to pull you even closer, if that were possible.
āWell weāll spend the rest of the time we have together and enjoy every second of it. And after graduation weāll come back home and weāll pick up right where we left off like we always do.ā Seonghwa tries to reassure you and you shake your head, sniffling.
āThatās not what I mean...ā you say.Ā āI mean that I donāt want to go back and not be with you. I donāt want to wait out till graduation and know that we arenāt together because I donāt think I can. Not after tonight.ā
It clicks in Seonghwaās brain and he knows exactly what you mean, and so he decides nowās the time to ask you what heās been wishing to ask you for so many years. He knows he wasnāt supposed to wait for you, but he always knew he would.
āYou donāt have to then.ā he states.
āI donāt?ā
āDo you want to get back together?ā he asks and your heart almost stops.Ā āI mean we only broke upĀ ācause of the distance right? And we both fulfilled our promises to each other that we would experience a different life and learn what it was like to not be together. Weāre in our last year of uni, weād only have to be apart for a few more months and then weāll both be back home in no time, permanently. We would never have to be apart again.ā he reasons with you.
And it did make complete sense. He was right in every way, so in truth, there really wasnāt anything stopping you from being together again. You donāt have to think much about it because the decision was already made deep down. You knew you wouldnāt hesitate to be with Seonghwa again if you had the chance, and now was that chance.
You turn to face him and even though you two canāt see each other, thereās a small smile painted on both your faces and you lean in to press a kiss to his lips.Ā
āOkay, letās get back together.ā
So at twenty-one years old, you and Seonghwa officially reconcile, and spend the next two weeks together like you planned, catching up on everything you did while you two were apart.
And just like he said, it was like you two never left each other.
And now, at twenty-two years old, Seonghwa pops the question.
And you finally marry him.
"Family, friends, and all loved ones. We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of Y/n and Seonghwa. We stand here to support this couple and share the joys of their love and commitment as they solidify this partnership, choosing to spend the rest of their lives together.āĀ
āThrough this marriage you make a lifelong promise to one another to always love, respect, trust and honor each other through anything, and everything. You promise to stay committed, and loyal, and most importantly, share your dreams, your happiness, and your sorrows with each other.āĀ
āFrom today, and this moment on, you will forever be united as one.ā
You stare at Seonghwa and your heart beats hard against your chest as you stand in front of him watching his eyes light up and his smile grow by the second. You feel like youāre in a dream and everything around you feels so surreal.
Your eyes scan the alter and you see your mother beside Mrs. Park, both of them clinging onto each other as tears of happiness running down their cheeks. Their smile is wide and filled with so much love and you knew this day was something the two have been waiting for, for as long as they could remember.Ā
You see Mingi, and Yunho, and Hongjoong, and Jennie, your best friends who witnessed every progression of your relationship with Seonghwa from the moment you two met. Theyāre all grinning from ear to ear and you canāt help but laugh as they silently cheer you on from the pews.
You see your dad, and Seonghwaās dad, and both of your grandparents, and the entirety of yours and Seonghwaās family joined together as they smile brightly at the two of you.
And then your eyes meet with RosĆ© and Juyeon as they mouth a āyou got this!ā to you and Seonghwa, delivering a thumbs up in your direction, and your heart kind of warms because even after splitting up, the friendship between you four remained and it was evident through their support on this special day.
When your eyes lock with your soon-to-be-husband his lips quirk up into a warm smile as you mouth out anĀ āi love you.ā
āNow Y/n, Seonghwa, please join handsā the officiant states.
"Do you, Park Seonghwa take Y/N Y/L/N to be your wife?āĀ
āI do.ā he states softly, eyes gazing into yours.
"And Y/N Y/L/N, do you take Park Seonghwa to be your husband?ā
āI do.ā you respond beaming.
"Seonghwa, please repeat after me.ā the officiant says. āI, Park Seonghwa, take thee, Y/N Y/L/N, to be my lawfully wedded wife.āĀ
āI Park Seonghwa, take thee, Y/n Y/l/n, to be my lawfully wife...ā he repeats.
"...To have and to hold from this day forward...ā
ā...For better for worse...ā
Ā āFor richer for poorer...ā
ā...In sickness and in health...ā
ā...To love and to cherish...ā
ā...And to honour you all the days of my life...ā
āTill death do us apart.ā Seonghwa finishes and your eyes start to water.
āNow, Y/n, please repeat after me.ā the officiant calls on you. āI, Y/N Y/LN, take thee, Park Seonghwa, to be my lawfully wedded husband.ā
You exhale before repeating his words.Ā āāI, Y/N Y/LN, take thee, Park Seonghwa, to be my lawfully wedded husband.ā
"...To have and to hold from this day forward...ā
ā...For better for worse...ā
āFor richer for poorer...ā
ā...In sickness and in health...ā
ā...To love and to cherish...ā
ā...And to honour you all the days of my life...ā
āTill death do us apart.ā
As Jennie walks over to hand over the rings she smiles brightly at you, as the crowd watches you and Seonghwa each place the new band on your fingers, signifying the start of your lifelong commitment to one another.Ā
āWell! By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife!ā the officiant shouts with a smile. āYou may now kiss the bride!ā
And without a second wasted Seonghwa pulls you in kissing you like heās never kissed you before and the loud shouts and cheers in the background fills your ears as everyone hollers around you. And when you pull away you canāt seem to wipe the smile off your face as Seonghwa carries you out of the alter.
āHereās to our new life together, Mrs. Park.ā Seonghwa says with a grin as you kiss him once more.
āI love you so much.ā you say.
āAnd I love you even more.ā he returns.
So at twenty-two years old you know that youāre never going to stop loving Seonghwa, and that love was made permanent by the unity of your marriage. From the moment you declared him as your boyfriend at the age of six, to the years you spent learning everything together as a couple, growing apart and reuniting, you know that this was a rare kind of love to find, and one that had to mature and progress over a long period of time.Ā
And so you remember the words you said to him all those years ago the night you parted ways, āif somehow we find our way back to one another, then just know everything we did up to that point was worth it.ā
Which stayed true four and a half years later, and for the rest of your life thereafter.
LA FIN.
#park seonghwa#seonghwa x reader#seonghwa one shot#seonghwa scenarios#seonghwa imagines#seonghwa angst#seonghwa fluff#seonghwa smut#ateez#ateez one shot#ateez reactions#ateez imagines#ateez scenarios#ateez angst#ateez fluff#ateez smut#kpop#thekpopnetwork#kpop imagines#kpop scenarios#kpop reactions#8 ways of love
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i cant remember if I asked this before bc I have the memory of a goldfish but I am thinking of They (ur ocs) again like always and I had a question!! what would be a super meaningful gift they might receive from their loved ones? and how would they react? for kaos, ime, nep, and anaelle and whoever else u want to ramble abt, u know I love all of them ā¤
xoxo from @reachfolk
AAAAAA COZY <333
oooooookay okay okay hmm. this is such a good question i will need to put my thinking hat on
Kaos left his home in Valenwood when he was very young and subsequently doesn't Know where "home" is. valenwood was his home, and so was bruma, and so was skyrim, but at the same time none of them were. Because his family grew up very poor, he honestly prefers quality time/moments to physical gifts, but i think the MOST impactful gift someone could give him would be something that fits every "piece" of his home into one object. He quite likes necklaces - i think a carved pendant featuring bosmeri designs, bruma-mountain wolves and an emblem of Kyne would be super important to him.
Ime actually very much likes giving and receiving gifts! He's recieved lots of daedric gifts from his patrons over the years (a white stag from Hircine, a dragon from Dagon), but the most impactful gift they've ever recieved is after they half-mantle Konahrik, Miraak takes the mask and carves runes, symbols and charms into it, before returning it. it's a small gesture, but it carries the meaning that ime made him proud, they're worthy of the mask, they're worthy to carry the title Warlord, they don't have to run anymore. they're strong enough to carry the title of Konahrik and wear it proudly.
NEPHTHYSSSS sorry i love him. anyway!! it's not. exactly a gift from a loved one but by FAR the gift he holds the absolute most sacred is after he ran away from the Sanguine cult into the worship of Azurah, she gave him the opportunity to sculpt the absolute ideal body he wanted, and she would grant it to him. Honestly he kept a lot the same but as a trans man, being able to have that much control over his outward appearance is the reason he adores Azurah so much, and is willing to do absolutely anything for her.
Anaelle wants ulfric's head on a platter. nah but seriously though JHSDHS we all know just how much she adores her pup Juniper, i think the gift most special to her would be something someone made for Juniper. something as simple as a special meal or a pretty brush for her coat would immediately get you in Anaelle's good books, no questions asked.
bonus round !!!
Gonna twist the question slightly, the most important gift Marrow would give would be their cookbook. It's been passed down from khajiit to khajiit in the tribe that took him in, and she's been adding recipes and cooking and baking from it their whole life. giving that cookbook to someone says i'm passing the torch to you and you're family. family is SO important to her. her khajiit tribe mean everything to her and when he finally finds his original dunmer family they mean everything to him too. extra fun fact: they give the cookbook to Kin'aru :)
OH OH EXTRA BONUS ROUND!!
Juniper Lily! She's my reachfolk girl who's at the college, the best gift someone could give her is honestly: news. she's so far away from her people, there's no other reachfolk at the college, she has to live every day not knowing whether or not her clan woke up too. i havent figured out the exact order of events yet but i think Ime helps them retake Markarth before joining the college, which means that when they do, Ime gets to tell her that yes, your clan is alive. you retook Markarth. the Reach is yours. your mother misses you. she doesnt like talking to people outside of other reachfolk, and she's still very wary of Ime because of that, but the fact that they both helped her people and told her definitely cements him as one of the better non-reachfolk in her mind. (He's also the only one she lets call her Einilja which is the non-translated version of her outside-of-the-Reach name, which is a big honour for her! only other reachfolk are allowed to use her Reach name though, which is Tocca!)
#COZY BELOVED ILY#thank you for letting me talk about my kids#this was a tough question but it was really fun to think about !!!!#ngl i think ime and Einilja tugged at my heartstrings the most#also did you know Anaelle is her snowname! (outside-of-the-reach name) when talking to other reachfolk she's called Lilithanna <33333#i wanna figure out how i can get Einilja and another reachfolk in the same room bc Tocca has not heard her Reachname in so long :(#my ocs#oc: kaos#oc: ime#oc: nephthys#oc: anaelle#oc: marrow#oc: kin'aru#oc: juniper lily
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š oh god go crazy
[ ask game ]
okay so I AM going to start off with the Zine story because i think that's just a fairly decent starting place here.
TLDR: I was a guest writer featured on a Danganronpa Zine and it culminated to be kind of an absolute fucking disaster (no shade to any of the people part of it if they see this but I know damn well that i'm probably on their DNI lists at this point). Also I typed this out in Google Docs so it took me all these words to realize this story is literally not funny at all but if anyone is curious as to this experience there you go.
also ignore my capitalization inconsistencies + donāt RB this bc if someone in this zine sees this ill cry real tears
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So, before I wrote DSMP content but after I had been acquainted with fandom as a whole, I was in the Danganronpa fandom. Now, i donāt say this to like brag particularly, but i was semi-well known in terms of writing due to the fact that I wrote for a very popular ship in the DR fandom. I only got a Tumblr after impulse making it to be part of a secret exchange on the site I barely fucking remember but otherwise i was very much like an AO3-er. If youāve read my works please for the love of God no you didnāt <3
Now I never wanted to opt into any zines because i had no methods of receiving payment and a lot of zines i heard of were strictly for profit, so i didnāt really have much interest. However, a friend at the time (who was the person that suggested i made a tumblr the day that i actually did it, and also involved in a story im telling later i think), was the writing mod of a zine and they needed guest writers (AKA a writer that doesnāt apply to join but is part of it and usually has some kind of featured promo beforehand). They asked if i was up for it and after reassuring me i wouldnāt really need to deal with money (it was half profit half charity but i decided to give my other half up entirely to charity bc i couldnāt get the money anyway), i joined the team. The zine was called Dangan Despair Deluxe, if anybody remembers that. The premise was to focus on a cast of characters during the time of despair
Just confirmed that this happened like october of 2020, so I was 15 if anyone cared for that info.
Now the way zines work if people havenāt been part of the backend of it is that you generally have mods for the different areas/mediums (we had a merch mod writing mod art mod gen mod etc) and you have these check ins to make sure that you get the shit done on time. Some zines are pretty particular about the check ins and will like actually leave comments on your work, but im pretty sure that this zine didnāt give too much of a shit about it because i donāt think I ever got a comment??? Or anything abt my writing (but weāll get to why i also think that didnāt happen). I did writing and I took two different characters bc everyone generally either got like 1 character or 2, nobody had taken much more than that and this went for art and writing. Merch kind of split up differently but similar breakdown there
Now I canāt remember the chronological happenings great, but what I first remembered is that people kind of stopped turning in stuff for the checkins. That was fine, they were lenient if you needed like some more time, but then people started dropping out which became a problem. Also there was this weird issue with one person getting roped into being part of it, leaving, then rejoining, then leaving again so idk what was up with that or who tf that person was. And then shit started to hit the fan when mods started like outright ghosting, including the writing mod, which kind of meant we were free balling it
This random person who did writing and maybe art stepped up to be part of the mod team, and honestly thank fucking God for them. They started trying to handle stuff, but eventually it kind of became a mess where we shoved back the intended deadline for a while because we literally did not have any of the finished products. The merch ended up being weirdly inconsistent because like 3 different people all did different parts of merch so it was kind of cool but also instead of having, like, stickers for all the characters, you kind of just got stickers for 4 of them which like, was fine did what we had to whatever. People covered the writing that needed to get done and in terms of art i think we were fine. Random note but we also had this one person who like was very talented and generally cool to talk to but absolutely could not do something that didnt have an implied ship in it which like kind of wasnāt the goal but i think at some point we were like you know what at this fucking point we may as well
we had this period of time where this person who stepped up to be part of the mod teamā¦ did like all of the formatting. Now there WAS a formatting mod and idk what the fuck happened there but essentially by the end we had like 3 mods, this person who was doing the financial transactions, formatting, and STILL DOING THE ART/WRITING, the person who headed the whole project that was like half responsive at best, and then this one person that came into play maybe twice and never again
Set off this really long period of time in which like nobody ended up getting any of the profit stuff also we had no idea if it was formatted. If you got the zine you would know that the formatting genuinely is fucking GORGEOUS so they did a great job but it was really fucking weird because there were just times where we were like. Hey guys what the hell is going on in this project we tried to finish three months ago
This person who became a mod was literally doing like 50 million things bc this was like april may so we were all real fucking busy, but they still managed to sort things out but the thing is like. You can only really gift people so much money at a time bc otherwise it kind of just does weird shit idk so they consistently couldnāt get all the money over and then people also dropped off of the project and didnāt like actually ask for the money so they had no fucking clue what to do. Also i just looked back and the platform we used to sell the zine also only sent money payments out on fucking Fridays so i have gen no clue why that was a thing but that had also been an issue. We got like enough money to donate to charity but it was just really weird bc whenever we asked for updates it was mostly just this singular person trying to do everything
Anyway. We got the zine out and it was great and now the server is somehow still kept alive bc one of the contributors keeps promo-ing other zines in this one channel and we never fucking reply so like sometimes it lights up. Anyway that was the story of the first and last time i was ever part of a zine
Here are the zine previews BTW bc I never fucking shared them bc when the zine finished i had no idea what the protocol was for sharing writing so
š·Why is that what happens when I try to copy and paste a photo hellaur
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Do you have any good ateez X reader fanfics Recs? Iām in need of a good long fanfic If not long Then a really really good one lol I just have a hard time finding some lol
BOY HOWDY IM FINALLY HERE okay but fr tho iām sorry this took me Lightyears to do im so bad at remembering what fics i read and how i tag them so i lost my mind while trying to find them all and iām sure i missed a lot of favs so i Apologize in advance asiodjfosijdf some are kinda popular so you might have seen them before but some do not get the credit they deserve and i could sit here and sing the praises of these fics and their authors for years but i wonāt put yāall through that ._.
You canāt even reach my neck - @kpopscenario - seonghwa
summary: Theyāre best friends and have feelings for each other but they both donāt know about the others crush, Seonghwa comforts her after another bad date. (Basically friends to lovers college!au)
yes i am a Sucker for a damn f2l college au on occasion and this is one of those Incredible and Well Written occasions i love this fic and the length is perfect and long in the best way 10/10 would recommend and itās great
such a good girl for me - @starrychannies - mingi
summary: no summary but the warnings should tell you Everything you need to know wink wonk skljdlkdfj
warnings: harddom!mingi, sub!reader, size kink (its mingi duh), choking, sir kink, pet names, mix of praise and degradation, oral (receiving), unprotected sex, slight overstim, slight humiliation (?), a lot of fluffy aftercare.
i find it Uber hard to write smut that is well written in all honesty like i canāt read my own smut bc i canāt Stand It i just think itās awful but there are so so many authors out there who can write smut and write it well and i admire starrychannies so much for such incredible writing talent with smut yesyes
Alone - @actuallythatwaspromise - san
summary: again n/a but good lord royalty au prince san, princess reader, smack me over the head because i really adore this 2.2k fic and good lord this fic gets me emo and i dont even know why??? the angst is soft and barely there but iām still over here sobbing for no reason oisdfoaijdiof
detention - @/starrychannies - wooyoung
warnings: badboy!wooyoung, goodgirl!reader, smut, voice kink, corruption kink, fingering, dirty talk, public sex, exhibitionism kink, wooyoung has piercings and reader is a Big Fan, mention of gags, light degradation.
this, this shit right here, this is so good WHEW i dont really have the words but hot damn, i just love this fic and i love love love the way the author wrote the the fic and itās Hot:tm:
violet roses - @/starrychannies - yunho
warnings: F L U F F, college!au, s2l, first meeting, yunho is a soft babie, yunhos pov!!, love at first sight, pining, bit of slow burn, yunho is Whipped, suggestive teasing, hyunjin is mentioned briefly in the beginning, protective yunho, mingi makes an appearance, mentioned that mingiās gay, san is mentioned, smut, softdom!yunho, sub!reader, praise, car sex, SIZE KINK!!!!, vaginal penetration, fingering, finger riding, penetrative sex, daddy kink, yunho lowkey has a corruption kink, multiple orgasms.
did i die? yes but only a lot. ahhhh i LOVE me some damn s2l slow burn and pining that shit hits the spot and this fic has it wrapped up in a nice and lovely package pls read pls pls pls read
lover boys - @/starrychannies - seonghwa + hyunjin
warnings: smut, wet dreams, poly relationship, boy x boy, non idol verse, ateez x skz crossover (yay!), harddom!seonghwa, softdom!hyunjin, sub!reader, threesome, reader is Needy, hyunjin is Sleepy, seonghwa is Amused, pwp, light somniphilia, dirty talk, petnames, some degradation, early morning sex, oral (giving), throat fucking, reader has no gag reflex and hyunjin is In Love with it, fingering (receiving), spanking (like twice), unprotected sex, light cum play, cum swallowing, little bit of praise, cuddles!
i really just need a minute whenever i think about this fic bc i highkey die every time i think about it??? two of my ults??? i canāt??? i really canāt handle this honestly like woW osdijfoijdfoi the way i melted we love to see it š¤©
entanglement - @sanduction - wooyoung
summary: when the boy who had explicitly spelled out his implausible hatred towards you on every possible occasion tells you that heās a dog, who wouldāve guessed that you possessed the other half of his soul? not you, at least. life sure had a shit-load of guts to pull a twilight on you like that.
okay so deadass if you know me you know that i really am not the type to read werewolf/hybrid fics. i just typically donāt go for them or read them but this fic. this fic. oh my god. the way itās so seamless and works so perfectly, iāll never recover like W O W i love this fic that is all honestly i have mad respect for all writers who do werewolf/hybrid fics bc i canāt write them at all, so sanduction huge major props to you i love your work!!!
who catches the alpha? - @teeztheflag - hongjoong
summary:Ā āYou donāt want to break the rules, am I right?ā
aka another phenomenal werewolf fic with alpha hongjoong that made me fall over in a totally great way. the angst the fluff the little suggestive bits it all flowed and fit together perfectly and i am still in love with this fic no matter how much time passes
bite me - @atinyidea - yunho
summary: vampire!au, vampire!yunho, vampire!reader, female!reader established!relationship /Ā warnings! angry s*x?, biting, blood, sir k*nk, consensual s*x, teasing, begging, rough play, overstimulation
this fic is ~spicy~ and whew it is good wow just the idea of yunho and reader being immortal together was like awww then it got spicy and i went to o_o real quick but it is such a good fic and wow i love it i dont even have words bc im Dumb but wow
You Got It Like That? - @kimnamshiks - wooyoung
summary: You just needed to get through this week at the resort at the hands of 20 coworkers and Wooyoung; the Sales Department Supervisor who got some raunchy photos of you the day prior.
honestly wow sodifjoisdjf i love this fic so much i just wow honestly the reader is a whole mood when wooyoung texts about the pictures and i was reading likeĀ āahahaa me.ā oisjdfoij god the back and forth between wooyoung and the reader just had me rolling legit i got flustered like pls wooyoung just HAAHHAHA WOOYOUNG IN THIS FIC GETS ME FLUSTERED AS FUCK it is all because tay is a Stellar Writer and makes those emotions come to life in amazing ways and iāll never ever get over it just whew banter in fics is legit one of my favorite things ever and tay does it with such beautiful ease that i am Enamored but i am also Rambling just pls read this fic oh my god itās so good
be my neighbor - @jeonginks - seonghwa
summary: seonghwa moved into the apartment next to yours, and he stumbled into a situation he didnāt expect to face.
wow i l o v e this fic itās just a perfect blend of angst and fluff and it sends me to space every time i read it soidfjoidjf donāt ask why space but it just does i kinda ascend okay? anyway wow this fic is such a gem and it is sO underrated in my opinion. the dialogue is written so beautifully and with an ease that i think is often times hard to capture?? wow just amazing
Cheat Codes - @serendipityunho - seonghwa
summary: āThis partyās boring, wanna get out of here?ā, may have perhaps led you to make the biggest mistake of your life by sleeping with your best friendās other best friend, your best friend who happens to be in love with you.
me: wow i never read college aus hahhaa
also me: reads a shit ton of college aus sodifjodijf
honestly this fic is 100% fantastic from start to finish, itās 5.3k of pure greatness and i just really love this fic altho my heart broke at the end it still fit perfectly and was amazingly written ;-;
that is all i have for today slkdfljdlk however i will be shameless and say that if you would like some Long Bois for ateez i have a few but iāll link the fics i loved writing the most and am v proud of :3
storge - mingi
liquorice and ivories - hongjoong
#fic recs#ateez#ateez x reader#ateez smut#ateez fluff#ateez angst#seonghwa x reader#hongjoong x reader#yunho x reader#mingi x reader#san x reader#wooyoung x reader#great reads#wow#i made this too long oml#anon#ask#queue queue queue queue baby baby baby
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āask collection!
a collection of mostly very old chats and sweet asks that i never got around to answering! thanks for the patience and love!!Ā
beware, fairly long post... woops....
chat asks.
darling:Ā Eu-jin is best boy. Change my mind.
vanya: i am physically incapable of fulfilling that request, how dare you do that to me... iām biased since heās my own oc, but i would die for my (very best) boy eu-jin... who can resist such a gentle yandere that loves you so whole-heartedly?
that reminds me! heās actually based off of kuroyuki and gekkamaru from the otome nightshade, so if you want similar characters by any chance, do check them and the game out ā”
darling: I was watching the dub for Part 5 of JoJo's Bizarre adventure yesterday...Mista called himself Daddy and I like- sdfghjfgsdhnhnmj!! My heart can't take this--
vanya:Ā WAIT HE DID???? iām not even big on daddy kink and reading that made me go š³ this is vital information to know... what episode was this??? for research purposes, of course. gotta perfect my yan! mista, after all~...
darling:Ā for yandere songs, have you heard of the major to minor covers by chase holfelder :O? the way he delivers the lyrics in some songs (betty, all i want for christmas), added with the key changes to minor, is really fantastic, and gives a stalker-ish vibe imo! and he's a really good singer in general
vanya: i have!! a good chunk of them are actually on my personal yandere playlist, so i end up hearing them frequently when iām writing!! i havenāt been keeping up with his uploads recently, soĀ ābettyā is completely new to me and just, wow????????????Ā this man is an absolute god send for usĀ āromanticā horror fans... ā”
this ask gave me such a lovely idea, though, darling: assigning yandere types/mbti based off each of chaseās minor key covers. i think iāll do that just for you. ā”
darling @blossomiichā:Ā I reread some of your old character interaction asks and saw the one with Jotaro hugging his Darling after a panic attack and the elephant seal plush reminded me of the iconic C H O N K Y ringed seal plushie that was kinda trending and I can totally imagine Jotaro having one of those >w< that's so adorable!
vanya: i honestly donāt remember that interaction, but then again i donāt remember most things hmghng so i looked it up and
j...just imagine star plat hogging it and not letting joot cuddle with itĀ š„ŗ the duality of man...thank you for this cute image...
darling:Ā Umm, sorry for asking this. I'm just curious because of your bio language in your header. Are you Chinese too, perhaps?
vanya: no worries!! iām mixed guyanese (indian, chinese, & possibly black and/or portuguese), but my family only celebrates (or rather, acknowledges?) our indian descent, since the majority of our family is predominantly east indian.Ā
my header is actually a quote from a danmei novel (and one of my all-time favorite fandoms), tiÄn guÄn cƬ fĆŗ (heavenās official blessing)!
darling genki stan anon: Omg you're writing for free now, i didn't expect that one lol. It's a cute show innit? Not a nagi stan but I feel like nagisa has that kinda unsnapped personality that would make him peak delusional yandere material lolol like oikawa but less threatening and without his head being up his own ass š. Hope you're doing well!! -gsa
Gdjsjs im such a fool, i think my last ask said something about not thinking you'd write for free when i literally just pointed out kisumi on your sideblog LMAO my bad š
š also ill hold back on the gen chan requests because ive already asked so many in the past! Thank you though š„ŗ. Also feel free not to post this, it can just dip into my onesided chats with my lil flower š so long as you receive them im fine š -genki stan anon
vanya:Ā nagisa isnāt my favorite (kisumi is), but gods if he wouldnāt make a great yandere. honestly, out of the iwatobi boys, nagi is probably the most unhinged. i wouldnāt peg him as delusional, at least not at first; i think heās very lucid and knows exactly what he wants and how to manipulate people in order to get it!!! kisumi is fairly similar now that i think about it... i might... have a type...
please feel free to send in gen-chan requests whenever you want!!!! iām kinda super asocial, so itāll take me a while to answer, but i love getting asks from you since youāre so sweet and excitable!!! your little flower reads and cherishes them all!! š„ŗ
also darling genki stan anon:Ā Sorry for spamming you with asks hdjkdks, u dont even need to reply im just kinda brain empty venting here whether you recieve them or not š i just needed to confess that while yes i am #1 gen simp, and he is undoubtedly my fave oc of yours but that Ilya tentacle smut had me very much so highkey kinda š, had to re read the genki oral style drabble to bring my head back. He dont even need to worry about luca bc that man a thot. I think therin is a thot too but like lowkey, a classy thĆ³t -gsa
vanya: omg iāve kept this one for forever mnmghngh i mightāve even answered at some other point, now that i think about it... but i just š„ŗ gosh i hope i find my muse soon, because i really wanna write you a genki fic š„ŗ hhhh
the ilya tentacle smut was so in character for that boy... i have no clue how to write monsters, much less tentacles, but iād honestly do anything for himĀ š kinky russian boy...
therin is definitely a classy thot, the kind that only bangs the finest concubines then turns around and slut shames you for banging the very same prostitutes gbfmngnfg rules donāt apply to him, in his kingdom...wish that were me tbh āš
sweet asks.
darling one: i've read almost all of your dazai and chuuya fics and i love them so much!! your formatting is also super aesthetic just a question, i saw on your kofi that you also draw so i was wondering if you drew all the header arts?? bc they're all super pretty :) have a great day!
darling two:Ā Just wanted to say love the writing and the way your format your posts is so aesthetically pleasing. One day I hope my posts looks half as good as yours because I legit can't get over how pretty and organized it looks.
vanya:Ā omg thank you so much!!!! one of my bffs, yue, is to thank for the formatting and aesthetic choices, really! if you wanna see more of her aesthetic formats and posts, she actually runs a few blogs! you may know her as @milkscafeā, formally @milkaaton! i adore her and her aes choices so much š„ŗ
as for the headers, i donāt draw 99.98% of them! i have drawn a couple, but theyāre so few and far in between since i almost never finish my art wips haha... my older posts are lacking proper credits because iām an absolute idiot, but iām slowly working my way backwards to credit them all where possible! theyāre all indeed super pretty!!!
have a great day yourself, my love!!
darling:Ā THEYāRE NOT BAD CONTENT, I LOVE THEM ALL
vanya:Ā this was in response to a now-deleted lil blurb but i kept it in my inbox because i wanted to say i love u very much and seeing this ask each time i open my inbox makes my heart skip a beat ā”
darling:Ā Listen I love your writing, you inspired me to start it myself! I've always loved to write, and read of course but your style and concepts just stick with me. If you where to write something besides Yandere content/fandom content and started your own series? I would read the shit, out of it. I'm always nervous to interact with my favorite writers because you know, I'm afraid of the impression I'd leave but I just wanted to say this anyway! šššš«š³
vanya:Ā wowowow fgfnmgnfmngfg thatās such a high compliment my brain just gmfnbgmnf go boom fogjfngnfg and thank you for the interaction, us writers truly appreciate it no matter how awkward or nervous you think you may be / come off!!!
darling one:Ā As a writer, your post struck a nerve with me. I donāt send feedback to writers I like nearly as much as I should (and certainly not as much as Iād like in return as a writer). So, as such, Iām going to start doing that when I can, starting with you.
You are an incredible writer. You were one of the first yandere writing blogs I found and youāre still one I check in on regularly to see what you have been working on. You can portray a sense of suspense and intrigue in a natural way that many other writers - published ones included - struggle with. You delve into the darkness without it feeling forced, and you have an amazing grasp on the psyches of the characters you write for (which is a quality I adore in writing and strive toward myself).
Iām not great at ending these things so I guess.. you keep doing you? Because the you is great and I appreciate it.
darling two:Ā hey. i'm here to tell you that from the bottom of my heart i love you and your writings. i really admire your writing skills. you inspire me. one of your posts once saved me from a nervous breakdown. thank you for everything you do. you're a wonderful person. good luck!
darling three:Ā I wanted to tell you that thank you for writing such wonderful beautiful writings and that you take time to edit and write I hope you are taking care of yourself šā¤
darling four:Ā Thanks. I was having a hard time and deleted all my apps, but as soon as i opened my phone my first instinct was to look at your blog and i got my motivation back. Thanks (:
darling five:Ā Hi ! I just wanted to say I really enjoy the stories you write and how they are detailed so well ! Stay safe and I hope you have a good day/night ! į(ā¹ā”ā¹į)
vanya: ahhhh, these are very old asks mostly dating back to myĀ ātumblr writing community is dyingā post, and iāve kept them this entire time because iām just so starstruck. i have no clue how to reply to compliments, so iām not sure what else to say besides that these asks made me very happy and got me through a few insecure moments!!! iāve actually been feeling a little down about my writing recently, mostly because of lack of motivation / inspiration, so revisiting these really warmed my heart, so thank you truly ā” iām certainly keeping the originals in my inbox until the end of time!!
darling @monstrously-obsessed:Ā psst, this local cryptic mom thing send all of their love for you š
vanya:Ā your local herbo says she loves you very much momster š„ŗ mwah
also, to the anon worried about my safety:
thank you so much for pointing that out!!! it hadnāt even crossed my mind when i made those ocs, so i appreciate your concern! i was contemplating revamping those two as is, so this is a great place to start! thank you again!!
#asks collection#not a fic#vanya rambles#[ vanya LITERALLY rambles ]#[ life's hard when you're this asocial i swear fgmnfgnmfg ]#[ now to answer concept asks ]
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People always get so offended when I tell them that Iām allowed to call myself an idiot/dumb/whatever but theyre not allowed to call me that and then get mad at me if i call them out on it while playing games oe whatever (not abt the rpc this is abt the rl ex friend lol) and im just like;;; we might share autism but heres the thing, Iām allowed to call myself an idiot bc i live with myself. Youāre not allowed to insult me because a: its rude, and b: youāre literally calling me an idiot due to my not having a sense of direction and play styles due to my disabilities.
The very fact people STILL dont understand why insulting someone for their disabilities, or flat out saying āyour lack of attention just proves youre the worse xx player ever!!ā is literally just ableism and offensive is why i have trust issues and am tired of other people. I am allowed to joke about my problems because I have to live with them, and in manyways yes I am just an idiot, like how I was an idiot for not realizing that a grown ass man one month younger than me always relying on me to pay for shit to do w him, guilting me out of things i want to do because he decided it was stupid, insulting half the shit i liked saying it and anyone who enjoys it is stupid, regularly using the R-slur when something dumb is done/happens (ableism aGAIN), refusing to get a license because he ādoesnt feel like itā, doesnt even try to get a job anymore after a few rejections (which, Iāve applied hundreds of places and never even received a rejection, so im starting to wonder the validity of those statements too) and saying its because his mother wants to force him into one, abusing his siblings by screaming at them and gaslighting them constantly, but Iām the idiot and the asshole because Iām disabled, or I donāt always think first before soing things (which has led to my doing shitty or stupid things, but I have the remarkable capability of admitting when I was wrong unlike these fuckheads who, when you flat out explain in detail what they did wrong, claim youre gaslighting and abusing them when youre telling them its inappropriate and wrong to guilt trip, be ableist, insult others intelligence, and ignoring when people ask you to stop, and all the times he joined my streams and would use my birth name after I asked him not to and to use my pen/alias, always accounting it to āforgettingā but after 30+ times of being told, its no longer forgetting, like thats just putting unnecessary risk and ignoring personal preferences. I wonāt even go into all the bitchfits about āgender discussionā or anything because it still makes me sick and gave me severe imposter syndrome for my body dysmorphia.
Respect the disableds wishes, We should not have to explain this to you. Basic human decency should just be a given, and someone telling you in detail why what youre doing is wrong, and ignoring it and repeating it again (Iāve told him before that insulting me, calling me names, and otherwise hurt my feelings and I donāt want to risk any relapses. He ignored these and continued, heād screencap my making mistakes and putting bad things in the wrong chat, and when I would apologize for what I did when I was wrong, heād still hold it over my head and claim I suicide baited when I didnāt. I say whats happening and assume its fine since i was always there for him when he needed me, even after he actualy suicide baited me by claiming my using a joke on him he repeatedly used on me made him suicidal and that i owed him an apology, ive literally been walking on eggshells for years and finally not having him in my life has actuallybeen so much more freeing than I ever thought it would be. )
Disabled people are very often the centerfold of abusive relationships because weāre so used to the mistreatment that its almost a fucked up comfort, we feel like our complaining about mistreatment is us āoverreactingā because the able bodied constantly convince us it is. That weāre always the problem whether we make mistakes or do something bad and that our apologies are always fake and wrong, but when people do horrible things to us weāre not owed an apology, rather we always owe them. Itās fucked up and wrong, and honestly exhausting. Weāre not punching bags to make the able bodied feel better about themselves. Whats fucked up is hes also autistic, and should know better, but is so self possessed that all the friendships hes lost and regained over the years have never been his fault, he was always ābeing abusedā by everyone, everyone somehow is always in love with him and gaslighting him, and ive come to terms with the fact its a mental fuck up of a self centered individual so narcissistic that he cant handle the idea hes ever in the wrong.
If I talkedabout this to people, they would claim I was in the wrong for not worrying about his feeings more or āputting up with it because it helps him feel better, he goes through a lot at homeā. Being treated shittily doesnt give you a free pass to abuse your supposed friends. His dads a piece of shit and his mom (who honestly was an amazing person as far as I saw and his siblings would talk about. but he personally always claimed sheād turn into a monster randomly for saying he should get a job or try to succeed in life, and for applying for jobs for him that e purposefully failed the interviews for. These are the exact reasons heād bitch about her, and occasionally because heād overhear hee claiming he was wasting his life, which is horrible to hear but still does not excuse insulting your friends, belittling their success, insulting them for their disabilities, and going through your friends for supply and then dumping them and āaccepting them back after they apologizeā whenever you need more validation. My family life is fucked to high heaven and I still try to be kind to people, I still try to educate people, and I still do my best even if I fuck up. And when I fuck up, I own up to it and apologize. Something people always ignore and pretend never happened, because to them the disabled are incapable of apologies.
Stop talking over us, stop treating us like shit, and stop purposefully hurting us, our feelings, insulting us, and using us to make you fee better. We are not punching bags, we are real people with real issues and all your shitty behavior does is add to it.
#out.#abuse cw#narcissim cw#tbd#possibly#sorry for venting its been a time#im just tired of people and like i literally moved discords and instagrams to avoid him#because of all the bs and lies he started telling ppl abt me to get them on his side#or purposefully cht screencaps to make me looo worse than i make myawlf look already lol#im inclined to delete this in case he still stalks my accounts but my ip tracker hasn taaid anythi my#but it also hasnt shown if ppl have visited my blog at all so i think even tho it said it installed that it didnt install right#ableism cw#i went on instagram and it recced his account to me and i flipped a bit ngl#i still need to softblock on my personal tumblr or just move that too#i was inclined to do moves just bc i dont want him following where i go#and i know that even tho HE initiated no contact and I agreed to it he already broke it once#idk what to do or even if i want to do anything but the amount of bs ive put up w for years bc of him is just#yeah idek im tired but wide away i think i just needed to be emotional#ive been laying down staring at the ceiling for hours missing my dog#which i probably should have dropped this asshole whwn he made a dead animal joke less than aweek after my baby had died two years ago#something i still havent handled well and maybe never will#ima go back to watching markiplier now its 3 am and im debating getting food but idek bc nothing is quit to make#and i get yelled at dor sneezing too late at night so
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ok SO I got an anon I wasnāt gunna respond to butĀ I'm enjoying a vegan chocolate banana cookie dough thc/cbd infused smoothie I invented so fuck it, letās do this
this isnāt gunna be eloquent at all and I hope what im intending to say comes off correctly. may not, my brain is mush- but here we go!
so last night/technically this morning I reblogged a lot from this brilliant intersexism blog. (highly recommend giving a follow!) which led to...a bizarre ass anon this morning (I'll make another post linking to her blog so yaāll can follow. she doesnāt need to deal w/ this post after everything else she deals w/ on here- unless u want to ofc!! hi ur cool! ANYWAY...)
I donāt remember the exact wording but it was something likeĀ āso ud rather have sex w intersex ppl over trans ppl??ā
ummm. I literally never said shit about sex w/ intersex ppl?? like, ever.
was that supposed to be some hugeĀ āgotcha!!ā ??
ācause it didnāt work, at all.
1. my body is not a democracy
2. why r yaāll obsessed w sex as validation
3. ur rly gunna ask me, essentially, ifĀ I'd rather be intimate w a deranged narcissistic reality denying manic OR a person with an intersex disorder...and u rly thinkĀ I'm gunna be like OH NO IāD RATHER HAVE SEX W A MANIAC???
like...itās rly not ab sex at all but did u RLY think that was gunna work in ur favor somehow?? and if u did, why did u think so? could it be bc u use intersex ppl as pawns for ur arguments but then donāt actually consider them ppl that can be in loving and intimate relationships? do u rly think this is activism? do you feel no shame?? you should be fucking embarrassed. this is so embarrassing for you.Ā
something yaāllĀ donāt realize: I worked at a center that offered therapeutic services, std testing, & peer activity groups for lgbtiapqbdsmnlmnop folxxxx
I know how yaāll speak to your therapists, to your peers when you think no one is listening, I watch yaāll take credit for things u did NOTHING for,Ā I've watched your violence against anyone who disagrees with you (INCLUDING about tv show characters...like, come on..) Adult trans women using fake IDs to try to get into youth events...and then get MAD AT ME when I have to kick A WHOLE ASS HALF DRESSED MAN GRINDING ON THE FLOOR out of an event for CHILDREN... this is beyond just Tumblr. youāre also like this irl. and often, somehow, even fucking worse.
I had far less intersex clients BUT ya know who wasnāt throwing tantrums, being violent, trying to take credit for things they didnāt do, starting fights, sneaking into events to get near minors?? my intersex clients! NOT ONCE. AND Ā letās be real...my intersex clients had good fucking reason to be furious and there were absolutely times that I would not have blamed them in the slightest for slapping tf out of someone...but they didnāt. not once. (ngl tho if they did I would haveĀ ānot seenā what happened tbh bc I am a very responsible adult lmao- I can say this now bc I left the field so it matters not at all for my career)
ya know who would stay after hours, silently crying in rage bc of the shit trans clients said to them? my intersex clients (the big one was trans ppl telling them theyāre lucky they get to ~~choose~~ their sex)
ya know who took the time to use open activist hour to build presentations to teach the LARGELY ENTIRELY INEPT staff (myself included, more below) about intersex issues so the people who come after them can get better help than they were able to receive??Ā I'll give you one guess.Ā
I left academia and working in the field w/ ppl bc of my experiences at this place & the direction this tender gender trender shit is taking academia. Intersex people deserve so much fucking better than even having to HEAR this bullshit. I would only go back into the field to work with women & intersex individuals. Probably as a volunteer though, but I digress
I worked there when all these new words were coming out too like demisexual android identified diaper baby or whatever the fuck lmao and the trans clients would be FURIOUS when anyone didnāt know wtf it meant
and in contrast our intersex clients were constantly explaining shit to staff/interns/volunteers about their conditions that they should never have had to explain TO THE PROFESSIONALS WHO WERE THERE TO HELP THEM. and I canāt even lie and pretend I fucking knew much, I didnāt. I was hired without even knowing iād be working w intersex clients- I just needed to show I knew some trans buzzwords. but I put in the time to learn, I read every book any client recommended, any article they emailed me- but honestly that STILL ISNāT GOOD ENOUGH!!!! I should NOT have been hired!!! MY BOSS should not have been hired!!! Actually, the only staff members that actually deserved their job was an gay intersex man. OT but he was so cool and smart and hilarious and like FUN ANGRY like idk how to explain that better lol he was good at getting u pumped up ab shit & good at getting ppl worked up enough to DO something. The only other staff member who actually cared and knew anything was a lesbian woman (of course) but she had recently had a baby and became so afraid for the welfare of her wife and daughter that she went along w trans shit that she KNEW was delusional and unhealthy bc we SAW these trans clients being violent on the Regular. we were legally obligated to call the cops several times. she wasnāt wrong to be afraid but I do think she should have tried to work elsewhere if she could no longer do her job with integrity but thatās a conversation for another day.
agh im just gunna end this post now bc I can rly go on and on butĀ I'll leave the post with this question thatĀ I'd very much like an answer to:
how can we as activists be of better service to our intersex sisters? this issue is becoming more and more pressing and I canāt sit back and do nothing for them anymore. does anyone know of intersex only orgs that need volunteers or have suggestions?? PLS LET ME KNOW. I wonāt go back to where I was but thereās GOTTA be SOMETHING I can do for the intersex community. letās figure it out <3 this issue very seriously needs the attention of radical feminists tbh so...letās do something.
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Okiedok hereās the delio. I have a list of all the blogs from the last six months whoās actively either responded to a meme i sent, responded to a message ive sent, replied to something regarding mally herself, has actually written with me, written a starter for me from my liking a starter call, has at least liked a starter i wrote for them to awknowedge it exists, all that jazz, i have a lot of open field so itās not just a possible tumblr didnt let them no option anymore, because i send memes to everyone who posts them that i see. I reply to most peoples ooc posts. I like most starter calls I pass by. I try my darndest to actually interact bc i know how it feels to be ignored and itsā¦ iāve been called one before so iām using the word, thats fluffing cunty behavior, and honestly if you complain about not being interacted with but never even try when i try with you, ya being cunty, end of. I gotta list. That list only entails Mally because sheās who I care about the most. Iām probably gonna start instilling a new rule in all my blogs that if you ignore Mally and/or Darcy( @tasedandconfused ), since I would say theyāre my two main blogs tho darcy gets ignored even more than mally does, probably bc i denied canon and left it entirely we know fandom hates that, if either of them is ignored thenā¦ Ya out of luck, Iām gonna unfollow you. Iām debating soft blocking everyone who ignored me on both of them but I donāt want to like be mean and deny the chance to eventually try again but at the same time i shouldnt feel bad for taking a stand and saying this is bullsheet, idk my anxiety says im awful for giving a fluff about myself but also i should give a fluff about myself probably, ive nearly died in the last three months, my brain almost exploded, i just had three root canals on one corner of my face, i have to potentially get surgery on my inner ear which i cant even afford, i dont got time to deal with only being used for like smut memes or like as a resource blog or utter bs like that, i dont got time for it. So new rules here. 1: If Mally or Darcy are not acknowledged, written with, responded to, viewed as more than just their fluffing bodies? ya dropped, im unfollowing, potentially soft blocking, which means blocking and unblocking for those not in the know, on all accounts I follow you on. Every single one. I know most of my muses are on sideblogs but despite not being able to send memes from sideblogs you can block people from sideblogs fun fact, i will do that if i have to. 2: Iām gonna be posting SCs, PCs, memes, etc. I like and respond to plotting calls, starter calls, i send memes, all of that. If I donāt get any response within.. Iām giving one week for people who donāt run on a queue and a month and a half to people on a queue based system, if i dont get anything within that time like at least an im being like āits postedā or āits queued i wanted to let you know in case tumblrs a fluffbuttā (i do this sometimes if i dont get even just a like on the starters i post so i at least know people saw it since i know tumblrs bs, i wait until the day theyāre active to do so in case theyre busy yknow) basically i need acknowledgment at all. No you canāt claim this is abt follower count bc when you unfollow someone they inevitably unfollow you too, thats gonna drop my following, not as quickly as soft blocking would but i wanna be fair i guess, which leads to: 3: Iām basing this on your activity too, like if i like a think and youāre gone for a month after that its fine, im not gonna unfollow you unless you never come back or youre online and posting others just not mine because that tells me youre specifically ignoring me and im gonna drop you for that end of. Iām done with the bullsheet im done w the dillish behavior, i love friendship but if im giving and never receiving thats extremely one way and not gonna work. I check through my follow list weekly and i go back about five-10 pages on someones feed before i unfollow them to see their actual activity and see if theyre here or if its a q so. Iām thorough basically. 4: You dont have to be active with me on all your blogs, i mean iād prefer it but thats hard as fluff so essentially if you have like five blogs and are just like trying w me on two or three thats fine. Ten blogs, four or five with at least a plot formed is cool. Multis just one muse is all Iād need. Iām not gonna unfollow the blogs youre not writing w me on if you at least write w me on some. Again, specifically Mally and/or Darcy. If you ignore both of them, weāre done. I havent been active on darcy because of being ignored and its a huge butt mess and im just tired i wanna use my babies, you donāt get to have my ābetterā muses like i know a lot of ppl only follow me for my boys or my villains, you donāt get them if you ignore my baby. But, there is a limit there too. 5: If you never respond to a meme or thread even once with Mally or Darcy, or post a starter, i reply, its never replied to again after a month, Iām unfollowing and/or soft blocking for that too. Bc that means youre just raising my hopes to fluff with me or get someone else and honestly, youre even more cunty than than the people just flat out ignoring me if you do that. And this isnt a specific person, this is five of the people actually on my list. Yes, my list is also annotated with specifics again I was very thorough on this yesterday, I hyperfixated Iāll admit it, Iām in a fluffing depressionary bubble and being told to get over it because people want something they dont deserve to have to. I am a believer that people deserve good things but if youre purposefully being cuntyā¦ no you dont. 6: No Iām not releasing my list, maybe I will and Iāll omit the urls because I donāt want people being buttholes to each other too but otherwise, yall not seeing it im not giving a callout becauseā¦ really thats just unnecessary here. I donāt think yall are toxic people or something i just think yall are unintentionally being cunty. And no I donāt mean everyone that follows me i mean the ppl that add up to what iāve documented so far and fit the bill of butthat that iāve shown, its behaviors yall gotta check before ya wreck. Yes there will be some people who have priority, everyone has those people, I write w kathryn on other platforms since she doesnt go on here as often but when Kathryn returns from war here (if she does cause she also agrees most ppl on this platform are cunty, i feel really bad saying that word so often but im gonna keep doing it i recently deleted an ask saying I was a huge cunt for not sending someone smut memes when I didnāt even follow them or know they existed so, again the travesty of this place is nutballers) same with owly, alex is here too, my most active partners are always going to be priority because theyre the ones who show the most interest and the most care. I understand that with others as well which is why I have the timeframe set up, because I want to be as open and shizz as possible while atill being firm i guess. I donāt want to have extreme double standards like its impossible for double standards not to exist at least a little bit but I want to avoid a golden chest full of them I guess. 7: I donāt have a seven rn, this was an even number and it bothered me. Seven is nust my warning that Iām bittery writing this on mobile so formatting is not real but i tried my dandest to make this look like something people might actually mind. I dont want to be butty, i dont want to be awful, i dont want to start drama or have drama but that shizz comes around anyways so i might as well make my space as okay for me as i can cause im supposed to avoid stress so my brain doesnt almost explode again, like again i almost fluffing died i dont need ppl fake being my friend or anything, i want stuff to be real and clear. I want to be happy to be on here again and have fun like i used to since my health is plummetting and Iām not allowed to go outside near plants by myself anymore because i welt up. I have plants outside my work place and im surrounded by chemicals all day long Iām welted from here to new york constantly and never comfortable in my own skin because of it and constantly see people online acting like these actual real problems are pretentious because āits an excuseā when, im a fluffing sagittarius, do you know how much i want to magically be a millionaire so i can pay for friends and my own medical stuff and go on traveling and adventures, be outside probably not camping bc as a pagan i know thats a death sentence but like be outside, lay on grass, go back to swimming because i used to swim competitively and due to health reasons i can barely even go in a pool anymore because theres too much sunlight which, bit plot twist i know, im fluffing allergic to vitamin D and the rays of the sun, so go figure, attempts to be healthy kill me more, i also cant eat most plants and am constantly dying from just eating food, they dont know whats wrong with me. i cant fix it by going ve/gan for a month inf act i tried and it almost made my heart stop thanks society. These arent excuses these are the lives of disabled and diseased and to a lesser but still very real point, ethnic lives every fluffing day. This is real shit and its murder and online and gaming? It may be all I have soon since I canāt just go out and make new friends cause, again, Iād fluffing die. I get sick going to the mall or the movie theater, I miss theme parks so much but have to minimize it to weeks i dont have work so i dont get fired for having a welt while working in the beauty industry. I may have to get a degree online and change my field entirely because of my illness that nobody understands. People even make fun of it constantly online and I wish I could just drop online entirely because of how unbelievably ableist the entirety of the world is, i wish i could drop humans in general for their ableism, but i cant. I donāt have choices in most cases, but throwing away people who maybe purposefully maybe unintentionally thats why iām giving you this warning and will be repeating this warning for awhile, this is where i have choice. I have to use what little choice I have in life while I can since everytime i go to movies or a concert or a theme park i almost die because of not having an immune system that functions or being in certain air qualities pr being near plants or unclean people, I may not have much time and I gotta do whats best for what little mental health I have, and if that means dropping people i care about and really want to write with and do things with but who ignore me then, i guess so be it.
#out.#illness cw#health cw#food mention#ive been writing this since noon and its now two pm so this is great#iās usually put this under a read more but... maybe most people dont deserve a read more rn lol#their behavior will keep being awful if its not pointed out to them so#im done im gonna go welt up from hugging my cat and cry for a bit because i feel mean
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fuck it! some thoughts on alās years in xing. if you guys have thoughts or criticisms let me know! i just wanna ramble lmao.
also donāt reblog lmao bc theres a lot of errors in here and its all sporadic and frankly embarrassing
okay so first things first i think in the two year gap between the promised day and the post canon adventures the brothers keep up a correspondence with ling and mei through letters (bc theyre planning this big adventure and its wild that they would show up unannounced even tho i know thats theyre style but als like. mmm dont want lan fan to execute me on sight)
side note! i think of xing as a relatively isolationist country, but with a phone and railway system that operates within itself, not on the outside (its a big country! people need to communicate!) ling is not against isolationism per say, only because drachma and amestris are still very much Major War Torn disasters, however ling puts a big emphasis on assisting refugees and families displaced by war. he also holds relatively frequent council with their bordering countries* *more on this later. but i dont see xing moving away from isolationism until ling is MUCH older. and even then most of their opening up mostly revolves around trade and world aid.Ā
ed sort of bangs his adventure out west in like a year and a half, because hes kinda. rarin to get back to rush valley and marry winry. al spends about three and a half years in xing bc he has to learn the language AND a brand new form of alchemic science. (with visits back to amestris for. weddings, occasional holidays and meeting his nephew and niece)
when al gets to xing the first thing he notices are 1) the food is incredible (though some of it is spicer than hed realize and amestrian food is blander than he thought)Ā 2) the art and architecture is amazing and beautiful 3) heās never worn silk before and he privately amends to never make that mistake again 4) ling has two modes Emperor mode and Ling mode (al has been on the receiving end of both 5) lan fan seems much happier 6) mei got taller
side note yes ed and winry have the emperor of xing and his sister, the princess and imperial alkahestrist at their wedding. no no one knows how the fuck to deal with it jfhgkjfdhjk
ling, in order to establish security for clans with less power appoints one family member from each clan to his court. hence why mei becomes imperial alkahestrist at 16. this ruffles a lot of feathers, and lings happy for it.Ā
in general one of lings biggest projects in his time as emperor is helping the poor and disenfranchised of xing. he has the aristocracy pretty much on its knees all the time.Ā
al spent so much time in the two years preparing for his trip studying up on xingese culture, tradition, and especially xingese aristocracy because he didnt want to offend an entire culture (he leaves that to ed) only for mei and ling to horrify the entire court by yanking al into a very tight HUGĀ
ling continues to horrify the court by asking al for advice and counsel in front of everyone lmao
lan fan has other family members! not just fu! she has a whole mom and two younger sisters. lan fan remains lingās personal gaurd until she turns 20, and then she appointed captain of the guard. she really loves her job and honestly being home has made her 1000% more outgoing and confident (not when shes guarding tho obviously)Ā
lan fanās family has their own suite in the palace, for being the yaoās families faithful servants. however once lan fan becomes captain of the guard she insists on sleeping in the barracks (this annoys ling greatly. though he doesnāt say anything)
mei is an INTENSE teacher. not so much izumi level bet she has al wake up at 6 am every day and run arrays for her until shes decided shes satisfied. al does not mind this, he likes watching the sun riseĀ
al takes awhile to learn xingese. and once heās finally mastered it heās better at speaking it than writing it (his script is basically chicken scratch) this sort of impedes his alkahestry lessons too because of a lot of the tomes and books on it are in xingese. a lot of alās lessons are spent doing translations
jerso and zampano, somehow, pick up xingese stupid fast. al is furious lmao.Ā
winry and ed and their children (lil 1yr boy sig and actual baby baby girl nina) come out to visit at behest of ling. xing had no established automail program, just a few engineers here and there, so winry worked with him to train a few automail engineers. this becomes one of the only forms of trade that xing has with neighboring countries. an automail material trade agreement was presented by general mustang and signed off by emperor ling and furher grumman. (an eventually, would become a regular commodity of amestris under royās rule as furher)Ā
once his three years of research and study are up al (now 21, keeping track of ages for my benefit, bc this timeline largely exists in my head) heads back to amestris to write his paper and swap notes with ed, and eventually publish a book together. ed somehow earned a fucking PHD in three years while al was away. al is once again, is furious and super proud. (he privately amends to earn his in 2) he convinces mei (now 19) to tag along to help continue her own research on the link betweenĀ alkahestry and alchemy. ling lets them go and starts a research initiative that funds their travels all over the world.Ā
mei and al visit scar alot on their travels, and while theyre in ishval they help out the community (doing wonderfully but still needs a hand every once in a while) wherever they can. meiās always so excited to see scar. lots of hugs and catching up. scar always fixes al a hairy eye when he arrives with mei (note they are very much JUST friends at this point. scar does not care....probably having flashbacks from how quickly ed and winry got together fvjdghjkf)Ā
they also have tea with the newly promoted brigadier general and his captain every visit. who...share a tent. al and mei make sure not to comment. this does not stop jerso and zampano from commenting. (roy and riza are doing well though, and very much concede their authority to scar and miles on every deciding fact. reparations suits them)Ā
meiās 22nd birthday is spent in ressembole where ed and winry and their babies have relocated. pinako (still holdin on strong) watches her great grand babies. ed and winry have alcohol for the first time in 5 years. chaos ensues. al and mei watch he stars and al starts to realize maybe. he might. have a crush. oh well. not going to address that. too much work to do.Ā
on alās 27th birthday he has a mild crisis about how old heās getting. ed, 28 a whole professor, with a third goddamn kid on the way, laughs at his pain. mei (24 now. jesus. im writing this why am i getting whiplash) receives a letter from miles telling her scar, much to humble to admit it, has been made lead representative speaker for ishval. he hints that al should be on the lookout for a letter coming his way. and sure enough, a letter asking if al would like to be the amestrian ambassador to xing arrives at their doorstep.Ā
and then its back to xing again to get ling to sign off on the order (of course he does) and to get his approval on al and meiās courtship (re: not engagement. theyre very slow lmao). (that one requires a longer conversation wherein lan fan threatens al with a knife)Ā
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university!au: day6 wonpil
first of all i will definitely do poorly on this because,,, you know,,,,, heās so precious and i donāt think my words can do it justice ksbdjshs i wanna make the sweetest scenario for him
but i suck at sweet stuffs smh bye
name: kim wonpil
major: modeling (i still cant believe this is an actual major im living under a rock smh)
other activities: member of music club, keyboardist and main singer of the university band
jae calls him āthe backboneā of the music club because wonpil participates in all club events, he always takes part in weekly activities, and he actively finds new recruits
jae on the other side pops up once in a blue moon to play guitar, do shit, then disappears
donāt worry ever since jae starts dating the newest member who happens to be wonpilās bestie heās more active now
honestly more than half of their club members joined because wonpil made them to
heās persuasive and convincing okay you would end up eating rocks if he told you itās good for health
but heāll never do that ever bc he speaks no lies okay heās like the sweetest person in the earth
heāll cry by the sight of cute puppies, do i have to explain further
wonpil was nominated as the club president but the other candidate park sungjin whoās also his roommate beat him by one vote
well he prefers to be just regular member anyway, that way he can still do a lot of things for the club but with less responsibilities
you see heās really nice, heās caring, heās hardworking, heās confident, he knows how to present himself and heās hella attractive
heās taking modeling as his major do i make myself clear
everyone LOVES wonpil
and i mean sometimes itās just not only a platonic love but like an āi will give you my heart and soul please marry meā love
too bad heās oblivious af
someone: i,, i like you wonpil,,,, d-do you like me too?
wonpil: of course!!! youāre my friend!!!!!!!!!
someone: ā¦.oh ok
accidental friendzone
but you know he doesnt actually mean to do that, he just doesnāt think anyone likes him like that
moreover he already has someone in mind
aka the coffee shop girl
aka Y O U
yeah hello guys i am: still lame
the first time he met you was on exams week
everyone was busy and stressed af and running on almost no sleep
except maybe wonpil
not because he was fully prepared but more like he forgot exams week was coming until the day before so he just decided to wing it lol whatevs
anyway his roommate aka sungjin asked him if he could go buy him a double shot espresso so wonpil did
he rarely visits coffee shops tbh and when he does he always orders vanilla latte with extra syrup for himself
wonpil seems to be that kinda person who tries to enjoy coffee but canāt handle the bitter taste its so frickin cute and trust me you think so too
so anywayyyy yeah he never saw you, aka the new barista, before
it was ur first work day as well btw and he was ur first customer
he didnāt know why but watching you being nervous made him nervous too
just imagine a stuttering costumer and a stuttering barista
everyone watched you two with anxiety
but even when wonpil was a nervous wreck he didnāt forget to smile and before leaving he said to you, āthanks, have a great day!!!!!!!!!!!ā
honest to god it made your whole day better
anyway letās move on to the second meeting
he comes back and this time he orders a vanilla latte, but being the clumsy ass that you are, you slightly confused his order
he receives his coffee and takes a sip and he freezes
you ask whats wrong and heās like,, uh nothing,, the coffee is just,,,, kinda bitter today??? ha,,,hahahhaha,,,,
you stand still
wait
he asked for EXTRA SYRUP not EXTRA SHOT you dumbfucc
you offer to make him a new one and he refuses saying itās fine!!! but you still feel bad so you insist but heās like no!!! i gotta stay awake anyway i have an important quiz today i have to study! by the way uhhhh iāve never seen you around until recently???
you introduce yourself and he introduce himself blablabla itās awkward and your palms keep sweating for some reason
before wonpil left, he didnāt forget to say āhave a great day!! iāll see you around then!!!ā
heās so sweet uwu
seeing him and making him his vanilla latte (extra syrup) is one of the best parts of your job tbh
and he visits every single time youāre working which makes it better
why is his smile so adorable what the fuck
and thereās something about the way he walks that keeps you looking i mean boiiiii does he know how to present himself holy shit
that feeling when you see someone so beautiful you want to cry
the more you see him the more you want to know about him
what major is he in? what is he usually do outside the class? what kind of person is he? does he have a lot of friends? whatās his hobby? stuffs like that
too bad he always comes when itās busy at the cafe so you canāt talk too much
neither he ever tries to initiate a conversation with you except his usual āhello! how are you today?ā and āthank you, you make the best coffee! have a nice day!! see you!!!ā
letās admit it you highkey have a crush on him and EVERYONE knows
wELL itās because you always wear that expression like "goddammit why must kim wonpil be so cute if he aināt gonna ask me on a dateā whenever you watch his back as he leaves the cafe
and EVERYONE but YOU knows wonpilās so into you
whenever someone says something like ājust ask him for his number heāll definitely give it to youā youāre like āwtf nO thatās creepy and he wonāt!! he doesnāt even know me!!!ā
āhe literally only comes when itās your shift and he always makes sure youāre the one taking his order you oblivious dumbassā
āitās just a coincidenceā
āā¦..yeah whateverā
but theyāre right wonpilās crushing on you hard
at this point sungjin can even draw a portrait of you although he hasnāt actually met you before
thatās how much wonpil talks about you
from your whole adorable appearance to how cute your little cough is, or how he adores your little smile and the sparks in your eyes when he compliments your coffee, or heāll describe your apron what the fuck and how he thinks your look so good in white and blue
sungjinās so done with him
ājust ask her out you stalkerā
ānO I CANāT!!! SHEāLL THINK IM CREEPY!!! SHE DOESNāT EVEN KNOW MEā
āwell i bet she remembers your face by now since you always drop by when sheās thereā
ābut she meets a lot of people everyday thereās NO WAY she can remember meā
you see the problem now?
then one day jae decides to play matchmaker
by āplaying matchmakerā i mean he follows wonpil to the cafe and straight up tells you, in front of wonpilās face and everyone there, āyo this friend of mine wants to take you on a date and he wonders if youāre interestedā
you are: blushing
wonpil is: dead pale
you: o-ohā¦ iāmā
wonpil: yO HEāS JUST JOKING HAHAHAHA IM SO SORRY oH My gOd jAE LETāS GO
he drags his tall friend aka jae out of the cafe and since then he never visits again :(
im sad now ugh i told you i suck at sweet stuffs like this
fast forward itās summer and the university wonpilās attending is holding a summer festival thatās open for public
well,,,,, you decide to go and you ask some of your friends to tag along
youāre not sure what youāre hoping; maybe you just want to see how the place wonpilās studying at looks like, or maybe you do wish to meet him by accident or something yanno like a drama
whatever
you promised yourself that if you donāt see him today, youāll get over him
but if you do see him, you will ask. him. out.
well jokes on you babe heās there performing on the stage with the band
heās,,, heās singing,,, and playing keyboard,,,, omg his voice
as you already know im uncreative soooo by impossible coincidence somehow his eyes spot you in the crowd
btw i imagine them singing Pouring but i think you can pick any songs you like
heās so taken aback that one second heās singing and the next second he sees you and his eyes widen and heās like āIām falling forāhUH? why are you here??ā to the microphone
donāt worry the others cover for his mistakeĀ while trying not to laugh
everyone laughs too while looking around to find the person whom wonpil sees
youāre embarrassed as fuck you want to curl up and hide forever
but your so-called-friends donāt let you get away that easy okay itās your only chance
dw dude wonpil feels the same he wants to immediately get off the stage and die
but sungjin will literally kill wonpil in his sleep if he doesnāt do anything itās now or never
poor boi has had enough of this pining shit
so after the band performance wonpil has no choice but to approach you
āh-hey! so you watched our stage!ā
āy-yeah! it was great!! didnāt know you can sing so wellā
āh-haha thanksā
āy-youāre welcomeā
silence
more silence
wonpil clears his throat and, āsoā¦ā
you blink fast, āyeahā¦?ā
āum uhhh do you wanna see around? i can take youā
āoH of courseā
What Am I Even Writing Anymore
well remember your promise earlier? about asking him out?? no???
is it too late to chicken out and forget the whole thing now
you barely know each other itās so awkward and he looks so fine today and you really donāt wanna push him even further now but if you hesitate longer who knows someone else will ask him first and just the thought alone breaks your heart a little bit
so itās time to grow a pair and take risks cmon dude you can do this
one
two
āanywaysijustwonderifyou'refreenextsaturday?ā
wait
it was!! not!!! your voice!!!!
āhuh?ā
wonpil clears his throat and repeats slower, āi just wonder if youāre uhhhh free next saturday?ā
o shit
o fUck YeAH
you cough a bit before answering, āy-y-yeah i guess??ā
āok um i like, have two tickets for movie if you want to come with meā
thatās like the lamest invitation and you yourself gotta admit that lmao
but oh kim wonpil,, dear,,,, thereās no way i would say no
so you two go on a date
or ācasual outingā as you two call it
but everyone knows itās a date okay even though you two didnāt have any skinskip oops
itās okay it takes a bit of time but youāll get there
i mean, since then you two go out together almost every weekend so ye it wonāt be that long until the awkwardness wears off
wonpil just cherish you so much heās afraid heāll scare you or hurt your feeling by accident so he never boldly initiates anything
the first time you two finally holding hands is when you two go skating, and thatās just because you two are so bad at that
gotta hold each other so you wonāt keep falling aye romance
you donāt know this but trust me wonpil talks about it for days sungjin almost decides to move out
heās still insisting itās not a date tho
āyou know what, i can already imagine you two in like 10 years, standing at the altar and be like, do you marry me as a friend or what? unclearā
ādo you think weāll get married?????ā
āoh dear godā
but yeah
you two will get there
somehow
just take your sweet time and give wonpil all the love in the world i beg you
thatās it YAY i think imma work on sungjinās next wish me luck im running out of lame cliche ideas now lol bye
#day6#wonpil#day6 imagines#day6 scenarios#day6 fanfic#kpop scenarios#kpop imagines#kpop fanfic#how to tag smh#three down two more to go!!!!!!!#sungjin and dowoon leggo#this is so lame imma cry snandjsnjdnf
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college!kun
FINALLY A KUN REQUEST!! this is one of my favorites please enjoy and donāt let me flop!!
letās start w the basicsā¦
major: linguistics
minor: comparative literature
extracurriculars: book club
other: literally writing his own novel??
school life
kun is such a good student
he always does his work on time and tries to get ahead when he can
heās a plug too
he'll even do his friendsā readings and summarize it for them if they have a particularly busy week
he doesnāt allow himself to be used though
he just loves and appreciates his friends so much and wants to help them be successful when there are things they cant control that can get in the way of that
kun really enjoys his studies
his required courses are really stimulating and keep him on his toes
he loves leaving class every day feeling like heās one step closer to understanding where language comes from and why we communicate the way we do
kunās passion for linguistics sprouted from his adoration of reading
heās a member of every book he could find on campus
he firmly believes the more you read, the more perspectives youāre able to see, which in turn, makes you a generally more enlightened and compassionate person
kun loves reading and language so much that he decided to just write his own book over the summer for fun
he sent aĀ āvery rough draftā to a local publisher
just for experience
and to get him used to rejection in case he ever wants to seriously pursue a career in writing someday
but now heās fucked because
they actually liked it??? so he kind of has a book deal now??
which he was not expecting at all
there were a lot of comments for him to address as he expected
and the first one he decided to deal with was the lack of a love interest for his protagonist
except thereās only one problem with that
he has no idea how to successfully write for a love interest
so he does what any normal young writer would do to get inspiration
and goes to the universityās monthly speed dating event in the quad
early stages
you had beenĀ ātoo single for too long,ā according to your best friend
and the only way you could get them to shut up about it was if you attended one of the schoolās speed dating nights
and you decided it was worth the trouble, and made your way to the quad to get this over with
you had exactly two and a half minutes with every person youādĀ ādateā
and for the most part, those two and a half minutes couldnāt go by fast enough
after talking to other students who only cared about football, trucks, and battlestar galactica, you were about ready to up and go
but your second to lastĀ ādateā changed your mind
his name was kun
āalright this is gonna go by quick, so iām gonna take the reigns if you donāt mind,ā he spoke
he was oddly productive
you nodded
āgreat!ā he smiled.Ā āany hobbies?ā
āwell, i love to read an-ā
āreading? me too! what genres are you into?ā
a wide smile stretched across his smooth face and his pupils dilated noticeably UGH CUTIE
āi mean, i like fantasy, historical fiction, biographies, science fi-ā
āno way! me too!ā he interrupts.Ā āi just like all books so much!! iām writing my own actually!ā
you thought that was mighty impressive and asked him what his book is about
and he told you he canāt disclose that information because of his publishing deal
and youre like,,,, wA i T.. PUBLISHER?? THATāS SO COOL!!
and he goes,Ā āthank you! maybe youād like to come and read it sometime when itās finished.ā
you couldnāt help but blush and turn your head away
and thatās when you noticed you only had ten seconds left on the stopwatch
you hurriedly seized the pen the event organizers had left on the desk and grabbed kun by the wrist, taking him by surprise and causing a slight gasp to escape his lips
you messily scribbled your number onto his forearm
and as soon as you had finished writing your digits, the timer rang
as you both departed from the table, kun shouted at you from a distanceĀ āhow am i supposed to read this chicken scratch?!ā
you shot him a smile playfully and shouted back
ātext me!ā
you didnāt receive a text that night
or the night after
but the night after that, your phone dinged as soon as you hopped out of the shower
āhey! this is kun from the speed dating thing. i hope this is the right number. iāve already texted three wrong people and have had to explain myself to each of them. itās really embarrassing. please confirm if this is you!ā
you sent him a simpleĀ ā:)ā in response
āso does that mean youāre down to get a coffee with me tomorrow?ā
ā:)ā
the next morning, you had the first of many, many morning coffee breaks outside the school library
these quick little meetups usually concluded with a quick sift through the library, where youād each recommend each other your favorite books and read the prologues to each other over a hot cup of coffee
at first, the librarians used to kick you out for having drinks inside, but now youre clever and just hide your cups under your jackets
this became a weekly occurrence
and then it started happening twice a week
and now you basically see kun every other day
he even managed to get you to join the biographical book club with him, something youād be way too nervous to do before meeting him
kun was such a good guy
you knew he was smart and funny and you knew he was caring and fun to be around
but what you didnāt know is that he had been smitten with you from the second you scribbled your number onto his arm
one day, as you were studying for your last final of the semester, you got a call from kun
you sent him the automated response,Ā āsorry, i cant talk right nowā
but he called right back anyway
āwhat is it?ā you answered
āiām sorry if youāre studying but this is super important and im so excited and i just have to tell someone!ā
āwhatās up kun?ā
āmy book! itās finished! and i finally added in the love interest like the publishers asked!ā
āIāM SO PROUD OF YOU BITCH
āfinish studying! then we can facetime and i can read you a chapter!ā
and so for the next thirty nights (even over your winter break), you and kun would facetime so he could read you a chapter until the book was finished
and youād give him pointers at the end of each one so he could go back and revise once you had gone to sleep
the plot was incredible, honestly
the protagonist was a divorced middle-aged man whose wife left him for being too aggressive and absent-minded all the time
in the divorce, the wife got full custody of their teenage son
but when she goes on a business trip, the protagonist gets to watch the son
however, when he goes to pick the son up to take him to his house, hes nowhere to be found
so the novel follows this poor guy trying to find his missing son
but no one seems to be listening to him, so hes losing his mind
heās working alongside the police and falls for the dci leading the investigation
and basically in the end it turns out heās schizophrenic and his wife and son never existed at all
all of this was in his imagination
and he had just been showing up to the police station every day like a crazy person
kun did so much research for that
he even got the accuracy of his portrayal of a schizophrenic checked by his pal psych major!jungwoo
on the night kun finally finished reading to you
you were sh0000000000000k like what the fuck all that trouble for it all to be fake?? genius kun!!
so he asked for your feedback on the development and personalities of all his characters
you complimented him on how well he portrayed the dci
they werenāt your typical love interest
they were headstrong and witty and educated
and they were determined to help the protagonist find his son when no one else was listening to him
āyou like them?ā he asked you
āyes! they were so different than i had expe-ā
āi was hoping youād like them. i was inspired by you.ā
your heart BURST!!!
āKUN THATāS SO SWEET!ā
and thatās when he explained to you why he went to speed dating to begin with, and told you he was so glad to have met you
because you were the āperfect museā
and then he asked if youād like to be his s/o
and of course
you said yes bc duh?? heās kun??Ā
relationship
kun is the cutest bf ever!!!
nothing has really changed between you two
you still have library and car dates
but now you hold hands sometimes
and when kun is feeling extra bold, he gives you a peck on the cheek
you guys have such a cute and innocent relationship
you can often be seen together on the campus quad where you met for the first time, you in kuns arms, him tickling your stomach to make you giggle
heās so sweet and is so considerate of your needs
out of all the boys, heās hands down the one most likely to change for you if you guys hit a rough patch
he always pays for food
which kind of ticks you off because what if one day he goes broke
but all he really cares about is your happiness and satisfaction
and he really just wants you to know that no one loves you quite like he does
and he tells you every day how grateful he is to have you in his life
#p: college au#kun!!!!!!#qian kun#wayv#nct#nct 2018#nct 127#nct u#nct dream#nct soft#nct fluff#nct drabble#nct scenario#nct reaction#nct angst#wayv fluff#wayv scenario#wayv drabble#wayv angst#wayv reaction#wayv soft#nct icons#nct ship#kpop scenario#nct au#wayv au#nct 127 scenario#nct 127 fluff#kun#nct kun
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