#honestly I had a lot of fun writing that 'essay response'

[tubbypeddle]

Hi again!! I loved the matchup thank youu!! Now I'm wondering though if you maybe have any headcanons for what the part 5 characters (Bucci Gang and/or La Squadra 🤭) would be like with an autistic s/o 👀?

Hi again!! and how cutteeeeee <33 I'm autistic myself, so honestly i'm just projecting here how i want them to treat me teehee

(author's notes: credits to gif owners, of course <3

Without further ado, hhehehehe

Bruno Bucciarati

He doesn't always understand why you do the things you do, but he always always makes an effort to be patient.

He'll eat the food you can't, he'll listen to you ramble and ramble and show genuine interest. He's basically the perfect partner.

Sometimes, when he's out running errands and finds something related to what you're hyperfixated on, he'll get it for you if he has the cash.

When he's making food for you, he's careful to make only food that you'll enjoy eating. Many chicken nugget and mac and cheese dinners.

He's a little firmer with you than he is with the rest of the team, when it comes to you getting hurt. It's because he worries more for you than he does about everyone else. Not only are you his partner, but he feels responsible for your safety. If something happens to you, it's because of him.

Leone Abbacchio

Honestly, he might make you feel a bit bad at first, but it's not on purpose. He doesn't know what autism is, or how to handle people who have it.

But he learns to. Because he feels bad when Bucciarati tells him that he made you feel awful.

So he goes out of his way to research how autistic people feel, why they act the way they do.

Because of his (kinda outdated) research, interactions with him might feel so so scripted. He means well, though.

When you're feeling overstimulated and like every little touch could set your bones on fire, he's happy to just sit in silence with you. As a silent reassurance that he's still here for you. Or even if you want space alone, he'll let you know that his door is unlocked for you, if you want to come to him later.

You're his favorite person, he wants you to know that he's here for you.

Giorno Giovanna

He's autistic himself, even if he doesn't know it.

So he understands you a lot better than everyone else will.

He lets you talk whenever he's available for you, and he often makes time for you in his schedule too. He does a great job making you feel special to him.

Often times, the two of you will sit in relative silence, just existing in each other's presence. But sometimes, when he feels especially jittery, the two of you will infodump on each other about your special interests. He just rambles on and on about the Mafia and what he plans to do with it, and then he'll listen to you ramble about whatever it is you're interested in.

He has a bad habit of eating foods that he doesn't like the texture of, leading to him shutting down or feeling gross afterwards. Mostly because in his childhood, it's either he ate what his house had or he starved, autism be fucked.

It's something you slowly nudge him out of, with much stubbornness on his end. Internalized ableism is so fun, huh. /s

Pannacotta Fugo

He definitely already knows he's autistic himself, so he often does things for you that he himself would enjoy happening to him.

He gets you gifts for your special interests, or he'll research your special interest so he can talk about them with you.

He's very anxious all the time, scared he might hurt you or do something to hurt your feelings. You might have to reassure him very often that you're not scared of him.

His favorite thing to do with you is read together. Like a little book club with just the two of you. Or even writing little essays about things you like so you can read his thoughts and analyses on them. Or drawing with you, even if he's really bad at it. Art composition was his worst subject when he was in school, after all.

He didn't have any hyperfixations before he met you. Which was a little boring for him, even if he spent most of his time trying to survive the mafia anyway. But after meeting you, you became his favorite person. And then you become his new hyperfixation, and you're all he can think about ever.

It's very infuriating for him sometimes. (in the good way)

Narancia Ghirga

Another case of "doesn't know he's autistic".

He's the loud kind of autistic. Socially unaware, but emotionally available to everyone. It's no surprise that he feels himself drawn to you.

He'll talk if you don't want to, he'll eat everything you don't want to (even if he doesn't like it). He just really wants you to like him.

He absolutely lets you indoctrinate him into your special interests. He likes whatever you like, and more! He might accidentally talk over you, just because he's so excited to finally have someone to talk about his interests with.

He means well, though.

Absolute cuddler, all the time. So if you're not that big on physical touch, he'll find another way to cuddle you. He'll put a big body pillow between the two of you and hug that instead, just so he can still be next to you and still hold onto something like that.

Never say that Narancia doesn't have his moments.

Guido Mista

He's very open-minded most of the time, so he handles you being autistic very well.

He handles all of you little "quirks", as he calls it, very well, too. His mentality is "if you don't like it, you don't like, and if you like it, great."

So if you don't want to eat something because of texture issues, that's fine, he'll take it. You don't want to hear something because it feels like glass on your skin, he'll turn on something else.

It really is that simple to him.

He just wants for you to be happy, and if anyone gives you trouble for something that you can't help, he'll shoot them. Easy as that.

[remusawoooo]

anon here, excited to read the essay! i asked you because i really like your takes and i see people in the more canon-adjacent parts of the marauders fanbase to complain about the extremes of the fanon one, though personally ive never really seen anything Too extreme, tho thats probably just tantamount to how well i curate my spaces i suppose (ive seen people say that fanon makes remus really “alpha” or makes sirius “bimbofied” and while ive seen hints of those extremes here and there, mostly it looks like it varies from person to person. ive just seen remus be more assertive than he probably is in canon, or sirius being more dramatic and “fem” than he probably is in canon). from what i know people like exaggerating events (the prank, etc.) or shifting some personality traits, but i dont really think thats a bad thing - i personally enjoy it. as long as they dont completely turn characters into stereotypes (though its a pitfall of every fandom, i fear), then whatever its just camp.

people are allowed to criticize stuff like that though, not taking that away from anyone, i personally just dont really care enough to be totally accurate esp since this hyperfix is kind of the bottom of the barrel for me LMAO. but i ask mostly bc im just curious to see what other peoples opinions are, and bc i think - especially in a fanbase like this - that its incredibly important to be at least a little critical with your media experience and reflect on it. saying “oh fuck canon we’re just having fun” is fine and all, i dont think anyone is stopping you, i think the personalities people have made up for characters that have zero screen time are super fun and the little ships are not everyones tea but like its fine. but even still, people should be way more aware of what characters theyre dealing with and from what franchise, and like reflect on any biases you may have. if youre making shit up for a random DE character, or retconning some sutff, okay, whatever, but be sure to not defend or like suddenly turn to really weird rhetoric. idk i think its the bare minimum in a fanbase like this

i definitely rambled way too much here, super sorry op! i hope this doesnt bother you, feel free to reply or feel free to not. i just really like hearing peoples thoughts on things, and i like your takes and your blog so i hope i didnt catch you by surprise. i really am just an outsider trying to look in LOL

hello anon, I'm sorry I lost your ask. I was writing on my laptop and saved the draft (but apparently had to press on alt, and didn't do it) so I basically lost your question and half of my initial response. Ty for sending in another ask!! Not a bother at all, i find this very lovely :D 

I was mortified to find that someone who isn't really a part of the fandom was perceiving me while I was complaining about fictional characters ahahaha. still, thank you for validating me and asking my thoughts on the mischaracterization of marauders!! I do talk about it daily, unfortunately, and without any prompt too. I'll try to gather all my thoughts here. I don't necessarily come across fanon as much as I did when I reentered the fandom and honestly, I can not be more with you about curating your space !! at the end of the day, I am just here to have fun, and really, pointing out these issues is not a good time at all! But I do post a lot about these, I can't be bothered to bottle up any thoughts lol.

I think the major issue I have with current interpretations is the underlying bigotry that comes along with it. There is a lot of unchecked problematic content that doesn't sit right with me.

Flanderizing characters in fandom interpretations is not limited to marauders fandom obviously. any popular media will face this because so many of us want to interact with one character so their traits are simplified for easier consumption and to find a common ground. this is also not limited to new marauders fandom. even in the older era, leather jacket-wearing, motorbike-driving quintessential bad boy siruis was a thing. so I won't nitpick on silly simplifications.

I just want to say that this isn't about me wanting everyone to have the same interpretations as I do about the canon. I follow so many lovely people and I don't agree with all of their posts. But, we all just simply share the love for these characters in the text and form an imaginary community. So, if we were to remove all the issues I will mention, it is still very well possible to have different personal takes.

Here are some of my issues:

Queerness, Gender roles, and misogyny:

My biggest problem is the representations of queer relationships. the fandom packages these couples in a strange and obvious heteronormative mold where the individuals fit into male and female gender roles. mlm and wlw are now an “f/m”* stereotype and characterization gets affected by the ships. Heterosexual relationships shouldn't have these limitations either, anyway. There is no one way to be a woman or a man. With queer relationships in particular, we have reclaimed the word queer now but it was used to describe the unconventional weirdness in the relationship. We didn't fit into the normal portrayal of a loving relationship. So, it really bothers me, even in fiction, that queer ships are popularly consumed in a way that represents a traditional template. (*this is not about gender itself but the gender roles! f/m can very well be queer!). 

Let's take the biggest victim in this fandom: sirius.

Sirius’ portrayal concerning his gender and sexuality has heavily changed his characterization in the fanon. We have a character who is popularly headcanonned as trans and is it a coincidence that all their traits have changed from the og material? Sirius is suddenly vain, whiny, and dumb. Canon doesn't suggest this interpretation, it has to have stemmed from somewhere. It's the implicit bias. Sirius becomes a caricature of what a woman “should be”. When we focus on sexuality, there is the suddenly short twink sirius who has the same new traits- proving the point of fulfilling gender roles. These characteristics are a stand-in for the “female” role of the traditional relationship and it becomes more clear in the example of new age wolfstar. Remus is now the big alpha stoic manly man- the obvious stand-in for the “male” role. I could go on, it is apparent in the way you can see remus becomes a caretaker and sirius is taken care of.

The point I am trying to make is not to discourage gender/sexuality hc. I love them, keep them coming. But, why is female sirius not tall suddenly? It is not inherently bad at all to have a feminine and masculine pairing! But why do we need to change the constitutions of these characters to consume their relationship?

I'll keep dropping disclaimers because I hate being misinterpreted: I don't obviously mean every single person is doing this or that doing one of the things means doing the other too. 

Race:

It is related to the point above. I was personally so excited to see the popular desi james hc. Even in fanon, I have never seen such a prevalent and encouraged brown rep, it was quite sweet to come back to that. But the problem is the change of characteristics that comes with race hc. Desi james is also a manly dude who is big and buff as opposed to the white petite and delicate regulus within jegulus ship. The melanin is directly proportional to the manliness here. 

This is a propagation of race stereotypes. Maybe jegulus was a bad example because usually there are seen as blank templates. I will raise the argument that this can't be all we can come up with for blank canvases then. Either way, my point about race still stands when you repeatedly design interracial queer relationships so they fall into heteronormative roles. Anyway, same issue with wolfstar when there is a brown remus.

Canon, JKR, and hypocrisy:

Refusing to engage with source material is funny when we are picking characters out of it. the interpretations of the characters will be from their book. otherwise, they are just original characters with the same name. you can add onto the traits and a lot of the time fandom comes to a consensus regarding a few things! This is common in every fandom but I don't think I have seen such reluctance to not only critically engage with media but also shame others who do. We are surely in special circumstances with this fandom but I really do think jkr and how we navigate the fanon should be two different things.

Most of us don't condone jkr or even remotely agree with any nonsense she spews on the daily. Most of us can see the problematic nature of even consuming this media and staying in this fandom. It is one of the reasons I even left the fandom. Most of us are simply doing our best to engage carefully while distancing ourselves from her. So, it is quite laughable when some love to take the moral high ground for rejecting canon while still engaging with the same characters. (the rejection of canon in question being sirius’ height, lol)

(Sirius' height is quite a polarising fact apparently. Unfortunately, the point about height is also discussed so disingenuously. When I talk about sirius’ height, it is not really about him being 6 or 7 feet. It will not really impact my life. It is about what it represents. He is bimbofied as he becomes short. It's an issue of "WHY" again.)

Of course, this isn't an accusation of intentional bigotry from everyone here. The problem with this fandom is that the people in it tell themselves that it is progressive and to run away from the problematic creator as much as possible. We are not progressive if all we do is co-opt queer and racially diverse identities on such a superficial level. The bias manifests in subtle forms. I just wish we check ourselves from time to time, that's all. 

There is a lot of hostility when we try to discuss issues in the fanon. Things are interpreted in the most misguided way to just win the argument. Like I said in the beginning, we all just want to have a good time. That also means creating a welcoming space for vulnerable groups (especially when the same identities are used to pat yourselves on the backs for inclusivity points). I didn't even cover everything btw, I just wrote about the issues that concern me. queer and poc also partake in biased representations, I also probably have some biases that I didn't identify yet. I just think it would be super neat if everyone tried to make an effort to unlearn and engage with media without hurting anyone. 

I have other issues but they are all just super subjective opinions and smth I can ignore when others do. ex: I really don't like giving tragic backstories to bigots in the story. Not every supremacist loser has a trauma that forced them into oppressing people! There is also "tropeyfication" of all major ships. Just an overall issue in the reading world I think, though.

Anon, I didn't mean to make it preachy in any way btw. You probably asked for a silly little rant and I went full lecture mode, so I apologize for the tone shift!! I mentioned these because every other issue can be brought down to these imo. Like you said, I also don't have any fixation on everything being canon-compliant. I only complain by asking about the thought process behind certain kinds of changes, if that makes sense! I hope this wasn't a drag really and you can see where I am coming from. If I misspoke anywhere, pls lmk. Thanks for sharing your opinions too!!

This is a long long rant, anyone who read everything, you are wonderful and patient. Thank you for taking the time. This huge post and the content can make you think, “who cares this much?” or “it's not that serious” and yaa it really isn't that serious. The characters aren't real but we all are. the identities projected are real. so, it does matter to talk about this.

Everything said this is a fun place to be once you find your own corner in the playground.

[not-poignant]

Hi! I apologize if you've spoken abt this already, bur how come ruts aren't really a thing in the UtR verse? Anton mentioned he's never had one, and they're very rare - is there a biological reason for it? Did Gary ever have one? (Starting to see what he is like during regular sex, I feel like he'd commit actual murder-by-cock during ruts fjfnfjnfjf) Anyway, love your writing to bits!!

Hi anon!

So I'm gonna write an essay, buckle up (I always write an essay on this stuff, I can't help it, I signed a contract at birth that said I would)

Firstly, ruts are sort of a 'new invention' in the omegaverse landscape. And by new I mean I'm really old and some people don't remember omegaverse without it. But I sure do! Only omegas went into heat, because heat indicated hyperfertility, and alphas were already hyperfertile without a rut. That was the whole point. You know, that's why they make such a perfect match. Hyperfertile mate meet hyperfertile mate.

They didn't need a rut.

Ruts came along later, and honestly in most of the fiction I've read that have them, ruts are very rarely written, and are often more like a threat hanging in the background. A sort of 'lol make sure you have food and water because like people go to hospital if they're in rut / heat at the same time.' Literal just about fuck-or-die situation. Or fuck-and-die. Probably more like fuck-and-who-cares-about-anything-else.

Anyone who has ever fucked a lot in a marathon session knows that eventually you just need carbs. *coughs*

Ruts are conceptually a TON of fun to think about. It's like authors went 'you know what hyperfertile alphas need? Something like a heat, that also makes them completely out of control.'

The thing is... alphas could already go completely out of control around an omega for a lot of reasons. It happened in fated mates stories. It happened in 'an omega is in heat and I just can't help it' (oh bless all those noncon omegaverse stories we have which are literally 'you just smelled so good you had to be mine'). A lot of the things ruts are supposed to achieve, already can easily be achieved in omegaverse.

Conceptually, ruts can be interesting as 'the alpha is also super vulnerable and helpless and needy during this time' but it's almost never written that way and it's not how I like to think about it. And in terms of worldbuilding, the places where it's made the most sense has almost always been as a dystopian thing that's almost dreaded by both the alphas and omegas (and everyone else) alike, and is just as much likely to be controlled by suppressants as heats, because no one likes to turn into an Automatic robot rapist. (Even though that's basically what many alphas become if they smell an omega in heat, I'm not saying ruts are the Department of Redundancy Deparment or anything, but they're a little bit like City of Redundancy in the shire of Redundancy population Already Covered In General Omegaverse tropes in the country of But It's Fun Anyway continent of Redundant.)

I love reading stories with rut worldbuilding but I have to suspend my disbelief so hard. And I know, I know, you kind of have to do that with omegaverse anyway, but there just comes a point where it's like 'but...the heat...triggers a response in alphas...thats mean a rut...is not needed...because that's what the heat does.' In some ways it takes some power and strength away from the symbolism of the omega's heat (romantically it's very interesting as the trope that renders the often hypermasculine character as so helpless to the omega that they basically have to have sex with them (guess what a rut is? Same same not different! Okay it can be different. It's often not though.))

As a result, I personally like worldbuilding that differentiates a general alpha response to an omega's heat, to a rut. And therefore if a rut is the more extreme version of a general 'must fuck' alpha response, it's likely to go pretty not...great. Much like unfulfilled heats are often characterised as agonising, I like to think of ruts are potentially very fatal. (Warning! Warning! The hypermasculinity levels are critical, boss! He's gonna blow! This time his heart! Not his cock!)

The worldbuilding mentioned in the chapter you're referring to - in the Underline the Rainbow universe - states that ruts are vestigial. It's killed too many alphas who have experienced it.

It basically knocked itself out of the genetic line, in the same way that peak alphas are going the same way because people just don't do great living like that in a functional society.

Also consider the...setting of the story if you will. This is a place where we're rehabilitating omegas and helping them recover from extreme trauma. The professional response to 'I go into rut all the time' alpha companion candidates is 'see a health professional, you can never ever ever ever ever be a companion here, because we...care about our omegas, and don't think your rut takes precedent over their health during a heat. Go away.'

None of these alphas go into rut! None of them should! It would be terrible from a story perspective (I mean, for me. I'm writing trauma recovery).

The only alpha on the grounds who potentially could go into rut is Caleb, I think he has the disposition for it. And I think it would be speedily suppressed with heavy doses of medication for the safety of any omega near him.

The thing that really frustrates me from a worldbuilding perspective is that in some ways, heats make sense. It's a fertile period for an animal that cannot afford the physiological cost of being that fertile all the time. That's it. In humans who already have menstrual cycles (which create fertility windows so the woman or person with the uterus doesn't have to be consistently fertile the same amount all the time), this makes actual biological sense.

Ruts in omegaverse don't even mean what they mean in nature, it's so frustrating. In nature, ruts are sort of connected to mates, but not about fucking them endlessly most of the time. It's about competing with rivals. Going into rut is marking your territory, attacking fellow stags (sometimes to the death), and keeping hold of your herd or flock. This makes...much less biological sense. It's not how it's written in fiction most of the time, and it's really just 'what if heat but alpha.' I'd love if ruts were 'HHH I have to FIGHT every ALPHA I SEE to the DEATH or at least MEASURE MY HEIGHT against HIS or SHOUT to see whose VOICE is LOUDER we are DICK MEASURING NOW my dick is BIGGER I am going to FUCK AN OMEGA IN TRIUMPH. YOU! THERE! COME HERE! No wait where are you going? Stop running!' That's... that's the world I want to live in sdalkfjsaflksaj

I have no problems with that, most omegaverse is just pure mindless pornography for fun, or very thin worldbuilding for fun, and orgasms are had by many and it achieves it's purpose.

But I can't justify something like that making sense in the Underline the Rainbow as a thing these characters experience. I like it as a 'oh this used to happen but we couldn't just go around killing each other and also we died so...' I'm pretty sure it's taught about in schools, lol. In the same way that alphas dueling each other to the death is now pretty much illegal in most places, some things you either just culturally change for the betterment of society (which is...literally the purpose of Hillview), and some things you X out of your own genetic lineages because the thing itself kills you.

Since ruts are in most serious omegaverses presented as extreme events, and alphas are already hyperfertile (in worlds where betas exist), they're just redundant.

Fun in PWPs, and fun for angst, but not the kind of angst I'm personally going for.

Thanks for coming to my really-not-a-TED Talk! :D

(Er so no, Gary has never gone into rut).

(In webtoon Define the Relationship one of the alphas goes into rut but because he's like a submissive alpha he basically needs to be fucked like he's in heat by another alpha and I just actually do kind of love the subversion of 'what if heat but alpha' where it's like 'no literally what if they have to be knotted and they have a whole bunch of shame about that.' But almost no one is writing it that way so aslkfjdsa)

[outofangband]

in response to an ask from @justpostsyeet about what Laws and Customs of the Eldar say about sexual assault

under a cut for non graphic discussion of this!

also thank you to @undercat-overdog for helping me find the relevant passage that I literally had memorized but could not find (seriously I spent like an hour reading through Morgoth's Ring and could not find the part I needed, my fault for researching when half asleep but anyways, Undercat saved this post!)

The ask: Hi, hope your having a good day/night (maybe this request doesn't worsen your day). I honestly love your posts and I've a thing that I want to ask to you.

Maybe you has done this before but what do you think the elves view on sexaul assault must be?

And even if it's true what must be the reaction of elves when the a) hear about such news, b) witness such cruelty, c) experiences such awful things themselves .

I know it's a very sensitive topic and I don't want you to feel uncomfortable so, ignore it if you want. I've my own headcanons but I just wanted to know your opinions.

My response: this does not worsen my day! I'm sure you know this from my posts but I write a lot of darker topics and I'm fine discussing this! Indeed, I enjoy discussing darker topics, I can find it very cathartic to write about

Thank you so much for the ask and for thinking of me!

The concept that elves cannot survive sexual assault comes from Laws and Customs of the Eldar, an essay style section of Morgoth's Ring, in the Histories of Middle Earth. In LaCE, as it's often known, Ælfwine, or Elfwine, a pre canon character in The legendarium is credited with the editing of this text as well as other parts of the histories of Middle Earth adding another aspect of meta to it.  

LaCE is a controversial essay. Many consider it to be precanon or non canon. Others consider it an in universe philosophical or religious work rather than biological facts or universal standards for the elves. I think this interpretation is probably accurate

The relevant part you're talking about is a footnote in response to this line of LaCE Even when  in after days as the history is reveal many of the Eldar in Middle Earth became corrupted and their hearts darkened by the Shadow that lies upon Arda seldom is any tale told of Deeds of lust among them.

The footnote reads ...But among all those evils there is no record of any among the elves that took another spouse by force for this was wholly against their nature and one so forth would have rejected bodily life and passed to Mandos. Guile or trickery in this matter was scarcely possible even if it could be thought that any elf would purpose to use for it; for the Eldar can read in the eyes of another whether they be wed or unwed 

I agree with you that it's probably not the case that sexual violence instantly leads to death.

I think it's fun to play around with whether or not LaCE is a, canon or b, strict biological law! Generally I go with it not being so but there is a lot of fascinating ideas that can be explored, if often horrifying ones, treating it like that! (the idea that elves can tell in the eyes of another if they're married or not is FASCINATING even if the idea that such a phenomena would prevent sexual violence is...troublesome...)

On the basis of LaCE not being biological law though, there are a few possibilities for this inclusion (note: these are in universe possibilities, not a complete list of reasons why Tolkien might have included it)

a, an in universe narrator trying to mitigate or cover up the fact that this did indeed occur

b, as in most versions he appears in, Ælfwine is not an elf but a human, this could simply be an idealistic notion or misconception or even misunderstanding or mistranslation

c, sexual violence is a taboo subject in many human cultures, it's certainly not implausible that it was treated similarly the elves. Even if it's not an attempt to cover up actions by well known figures in the history of the Eldar, it could be a denial of cultural traumas or a refusal to reckon with a certain kind of pain

The fact that it specifically reads 'no record of any taking the spouse of another by force' is somewhat strange. Obviously, non married people can be the victims of assault (and people can be victimized by those they're married to; it's worth noting here that Tolkien did seem to realize both, some of the primary, and only, instances of rape in the legendarium are instances of marital rape)

A...generous reading is that it is worded like this because the footnote appears in relevance to the section about marriage and this is meant to discuss specifically how certain trauma affects the marital bond, something that LaCE defines as a spiritual and physical matter.

(Plenty of horror you could potentially explore there; spouses actually feeling the pain and trauma of their partners due to this bond, whether trauma from this kind of violence or other)

What I do think is true is that elves have a stronger connection between body and mind and soul and that severe trauma of any kind can lead to physical consequences up to, including and beyond death of the body. This is of course not unheard of in humans, stress takes a physical toll. But for elves I think this connection is perhaps more profound.

This is not limited to sexual assault and indeed most of the instances we see of this in canon are not related to sexual assault.

It's worth noting that there are some troublesome aspects of Tolkien's wording. Obviously the linking of sexual assault and lust is not entirely accurate. Desire and lust often do not play a role in sexual violence; power and control perhaps being more pertinent. Then of course the fact that it says 'no record of one taking the spouse of another by force' is also questionable as I talked about above.

In conclusion, I think like the rest of LaCE, it makes more sense as the philosophy of one group or individual rather than biological reality.

Finally, I'll note that the two primary examples I can think of in the works of victims of sexual violence who "choose" death or at least leaving body or life in some form or another are not elves but are Aerin, a human, and Arien, a Maia (Arien's example also not being strictly canon), both of whom choose fire. (also I think that whether or not Aerin died is actually ambiguous and is certainly not definite, that being said the idea that she did is a perfectly plausible reading) Also why are their names so similar...

[sprolden]

hi I was reading some of your tsc posts and saw you talking about how tlh character writing vs tmi and how cc’s maybe started actively making her chars more palatable because of criticism, I also think that while tda as a series is far from perfect (although it is my second fav after tid personally) it is one where, in books 1-2 at least cc took more risks imo with both the themes and the chars/dynamics being palatable in that way and fan response wasn’t always the best like with Julian being polarizing as a char, I also remember when I was in the fandom as the books were coming out a lot of weird moralizing about ships like people writing essays about how codependent and obsessive blackstairs are and how it was b a d to ship them and then shippers responding that no they’re not when like… a) of course they are that and b) it’s very fun and great that they are, codependency is sexy <3. Similarly weird morality discourse about Keirark/Marktina/Kierarktina at times. I think those things could have potentially influenced decisions for tlh especially your point about retconning what the original James/Grace story was going to be based on the whole vibe of the midnight heir. I also feel that while criticism of tmi definitely influenced some things about tda especially LM that departed from it TLH seemed very much like it wanted to imitate the success of TID and couldn’t fill her shoes, so that puts the writing in an insecure position.  all speculation ofc but just what that made me think about

ohhh thats interesting!! when tda was being released i wasn't really active in online fandom so i had no idea what the fandom response was. honestly, if julian was too much for the average reader, i get why she felt the need to change james from his midnight heir personality lol. blackstairs getting hated for codependency is very funny bc will & jem INVENTED parabatai codependency and everyone loves them for it <3

i think in general, flawed characters are a lot more acceptable now than they were a few years ago. i feel like in the mid/late 2010s, the general idea in YA was definitely that protagonists had to be exemplary people, and whenever a protagonist acted messily that would immediately be seen as bad writing, and i definitely feel like that that affected tlh (and even tda now you mention it!!)

i think you're right about tlh being influenced by tid a lot, or at least going for a similar vibe! obvious reasons aside, i feel like whenever people talk about tid's strong suits the main talking point is the lack of personal conflict between the main 3, because that created a really unique situation where the characters' relationships felt incredibly strong. and i think she maybe tried to keep that same idea of loads of love between the protags going in tlh, except that just left them kind of.... bland? bc in tid there WAS still loads of conflict between characters, just not the main 3, which kept it intersting.

that being said, i genuinely do wonder how an alternate tlh where james and grace kept their tmh personalities would have been received? i feel like this grace is still quite controversial even though i feel like her motives were explained extremely well and she's made as likeable as an anti-heroine could possibly be. i know the tumblr girlies and i would've ate it up but honestly... for an audience as big as hers, maybe it was the right move to make them more palatable? she could've absolutely changed other parts of tlh to make it more interesting, but when it comes to james and grace, well. who knows.

(on the other hand, it absolutely had to be james for tlh to be genuinely compelling. him not being allowed to break the herondale mold is imo the biggest wasted potential of this series </3 rip james who destroyed his carefully crafted family legacy you will forever be missed)

[ltwharfy]

"Bob's Burgers" Season 8 Episode Ranking Rewatch (Long Post)

So, I've been rewatching "Bob's Burgers" from the beginning and ranking the episodes using the spreadsheet that @babsvibes created! If you want to know why I'm doing this or how I view the 1-5 rating scale, you can check out my Season 1 post! If you want to check out any of the other seasons, I've been using the "bob's burgers episode ranking rewatch" tag for all of them.

Now, on to Season 8 (over halfway done with the rewatch!):

Average (Mean) Score: 4.45

Mode (Most Common) Ranking: 4

Ranking Breakdown: 9 5s 11 4s

Season as a whole thoughts:

This is the first season to have 4 as the mode ranking. And it's kind of interesting, because it actually has a higher mean score than two seasons (2 and 3) that had 5 as the mode. And it's so close to Seasons 3 and 6- literally separated by .02 from each of them in mean score! It kind of goes to my main thought about "Bob's Burgers"- it was really consistently good for a long time.

And I emphasize this because, after going on about how much I loved Season 7 in that post, I don't want anyone to think I'm saying the show went off a cliff after that! This is actually only one of two seasons (4 being the other) that I've rated so far that I didn't give anything lower than a 4. Which means I really enjoy all the episodes- but maybe there are fewer that I would call favorites or say that I love.

There were two episodes that I gave 3s when I caught them on TV a few months ago but decided to rewatch before completing this season's sheet and ended up moving them up to 4s. I'll discuss those in the individual episode comments. (And if I'm torn on which rating to give, I always err on the side of giving the higher rating. Given that these are all episodes I've seen multiple times before, that familiarity might dull the impact of some of the jokes or plot twists.)

Some thoughts on specific episodes (and feel free to ask if you want my thoughts on an episode I didn't comment on):

"The Silence of the Louise": As I've mentioned before with regards to Rudy and Louise and to Gene and Courtney, I enjoy when characters and their relationships evolve over time. So, I love this episode for moving Millie and Louise's relationship to a different place. I didn't particularly enjoy Millie in "Fort Night", but she is really a fun character and Molly Shannon does a great job with her voice- I'm glad that they came up with ways for Millie and Louise's relationship to evolve, and that she didn't just remain a one-note nut. And, honestly, their relationship- that one-sided obsession (with undertones of a crush) that the other finds offputting is a very real childhood relationship dynamic that I haven't seen portrayed in media that often, and I like that the show addresses it.

"Sit Me Baby One More Time": Mr. Boom Boom. Tinkle-dinks and Tinkle-dinkers. "And that's how you pee in a restaurant". If this episode doesn't crack me up, it's a sign that I'm dead. Beyond the jokes, I love Tina's realization at the end- that she was actually kind of mean to Tammy. Tammy is probably my favorite antagonist character on the show because she and Tina have a lot of similarities- they are both insecure teenagers at heart, they just handle it differently. Usually, Tina's more insecure and Tammy's overly confident to the point of obnoxiousness- but the roles are capable of switching occasionally, and that's interesting.

"Thanks-hoarding": My favorite Teddy episode. This is right up there with "The Amazing Rudy" in terms of just really speaking to me as a child of divorce (I don't think it's ever indicated that Teddy's parents divorced, but they certainly had a difficult marriage.) One day, maybe I'll write an essay comparing Teddy's story of having to be "the peacemaker" at Thanksgiving to Rudy doing his magic tricks to reduce the tension in the dinners with his parents. Just the notion of these kids feeling like they need to take on these responsibilities (that they shouldn't have to) because of their parents' damaged relationships really resonates with me and its nice to see it addressed on TV.

"V for Valentine-detta": How did the show manage to go over seven seasons without freaking Nat Kinkle?!? I was thinking about including some of my favorite Nat lines from this episode, but I'll just say all of them because its easier.

"Y Tu Ga-Ga Tambien": This episode would get a 5 solely for introducing the phrase "Abraca-books!" to my vocabulary (I mean, I never say it, but I would in the appropriate situation.) Also from the library subplot, I really do want to start using Mort's line "I like three of the four levels it works on"- with no further elaboration- as a response to all sorts of things. Oh and the ga-ga plot is great too! Gene's speech about "everybody" liking something is great, we get some good Branca moments, and we get to see another side of Rudy- I mean, the Rudester- which I absolutely love. Sometimes I think fans just see Rudy too much as the sweet innocent bean because of his asthma and his family problems- but he's just a regular (sized) nine-year old, and it's fun to watch his success at the new popular game go to his head.

"Sleeping with the Frenemy": One of the series' funniest episodes, in my opinion. When Babs' sent me an ask for some of my favorite quotes from the series and I found the task of looking at all the characters and all the episodes too daunting, I provided a list of favorite Louise quotes from this episode. And it's not even a Louise centric episode! Also, Brett the BFOT is probably my favorite Tina's one-off love interests. Honestly, the bit where Tina (as Tammy) and Brett are sending each other weird/silly/dumb texts all night? That's one of my relationship goals right there. Just having someone who can play off your silly texts is one of the most wonderful things in the world, I think.

"Cheer Up, Sleepy Gene": One of the two episodes that moved from a 3 to a 4. I think I gave it a 3 initially because sometimes Alex and Gene's relationship bothers me just because it seems like it developed less naturally than some of the other ones I like. Like, Alex is very clearly introduced as "Hey, it's Gene's new friend!" and then when he's brought back it's as Gene's best friend. And almost all the episodes he is in focus on his and Gene's relationship- he doesn't just hang out occasionally like Rudy or the Pesto Twins or Tina's friends. But ya know what, all that said, I still like him and his dynamic with Gene! And this is a pretty fun episode. And I love the snoring subplot which gives two wonderful Linda moments- her "Aw, we're dying" after Louise's theory about their snoring, and her "The Americans" reference to being "a Russian agent, like Felicity".

"Boywatch": The other 3 that got moved up to a 4. I think my initial rating was because I didn't really care about Tina's relationship with all those one-off characters in the JGs. But, despite that, upon further review it is a pretty funny episode- I mean, it has both Gus ("Tina Belcher isn't a quitter." "But maybe she should be?") and Sgt. Bosco ("Um, it says Police on the back of your shirt.") - how can it not be funny?!

"As I Walk Through the Alley of the Shadow of Ramps": I'm so glad they told a story that addressed Louise still riding a tricycle as a 4th grader- I just remember that aspect of her character really puzzling me as soon as it was introduced. I never really questioned the ears (Hats are cool. Nuff said.) but Louise riding a tricycle as a nine year old seemed really weird. So, it was cool that they turned it into a story about her facing fear and insecurity- and then having her learn to ride a bike at the end, and keeping that change going forward. A great way to show her growing up in a way that really wouldn't effect future episodes that much (unlike, say, if she stopped wearing the ears.) Also, if you read my fics you know I love callbacks and I can't believe I haven't worked a reference to "I threw you a benefit" into one of my Roudise fics! I love the way she says that line.

"Mission Impos-slug-ble": I love the introduction of Burobu so much! Honestly, the names of the slugs are just a hoot- Sluggy Stardust! Slugsaphone! Other highlights: Frond dancing to groove is in the heart! Getting to see some of the Wagstaff staff's marTuesdays! "Yeah, they'll get constipated" "No"! "Did John Lithgow play John Larroquette in a movie once or was that just a dream?"! Louise randomly holding Rudy's hand when they are hiding in the teacher's lounge! (Er, sorry for the shippiness.) Also, this episode really made me realize how completely I can disassociate home/restaurant-set B plots from school-related A plots; I am genuinely surprised every time that it turns out that the B plot of this episode is Bob's Harry Pickle eulogy.

Random thoughts (stuff that doesn't affect the ratings):

-It's really funny that we get back to back episodes ("Y Tu Ga-Ga Tambien" and "The Secret Ceramic Room of Secrets") with flashbacks to Frond's time as a student at Wagstaff. Are those the only young Frond flashbacks we get in the whole series? Why were they so interested in it at that point of time? Were they trying to sell a "Young Frond" spinoff that didn't get picked up?!? (Probably not.)

-I like three of the four levels this season works on.

See you in Season 9, whoever is reading these!

[bisluthq]

Hi nat, I don’t wanna sound like a hater but I’ve just been struggling sm lately bc I feel so disconnected to Taylor iykwim? Like she just seems unrecognizable and excuse the parasocialness but like idk I think I just need to separate from the fandom because I just feel she’s so different in the past year and it makes me so sad. Everything just seems somewhat staged and inauthentic. I really loved her and even considered her as my favorite person and lifesaver at some point. But that beautiful, genuine, and talented person that i thought she was is not there anymore. I really saw myself in her at some point and really believed she was a gift to this world with the happiness she brought to people and how she was unapologetically herself, from the intimate fan interactions and public vulnerability and need for privacy she showed compared to other celebrities. Especially the fact that she’s been trying so fiercely to rewrite the history of the past 7 years of her life and is doing a complete 180 on the life she said she wanted is so disheartening to watch as a long time fan. I really thought that rep - evermore Taylor was really her most authentic self but idek anymore. The person she is now is like an entirely different persona and it makes me really sad. I hope she can find herself again for her own sake but i think this is just who she is and who am I to judge that lmao? At the end of the day no person with that amount of money or fame would be relatable. Look I always have to remind myself I don’t know her obviously but I thought I had gotten a pretty good sense from following her the last 12 years. Idk honestly I’m just kinda ranting here but was wondering if anyone else felt like this lately. A lot of my irls and friends have been saying they feel the same disconnect.

Xx anon ❤️

no shade queen and I’m sorry you’re feeling sad but herein lies the problem: “I really loved her and even considered her as my favorite person and lifesaver at some point.” That’s not a fair thing to put on Taylor. She’s literally just some lady lmfao and she’s an extremely talented musician, and she’s hot, and she’s very funny, and she’s a good writer even when it comes to prose, and she’s hardworking as fuck, and she’s apparently quite kind, and she also apparently makes nice food, and she has cute handwriting. That’s all we really know about her tbh. She can’t be our fave person or our lifesaver because like we don’t know her?? It’s not fair to put that on her.

on a very minor scale when I did professional activism/politics and on an even more minor scale on this blog when it was very big like sometimes I felt like I had this responsibility to people to like idk be something for them. And I can’t lol because I’m just a girl who likes to make jokes and write and teach history and drink and recently to go rowing lol. It’s not fair to expect me to be anything other than an interesting essay (in the activism days) or a funny joke (in the blogging days). I can’t be responsible for other shit. Taylor has that on the HUGEST scale and I can imagine how stressful that is and it’s not yk fair. I personally think she’ll get bored of being this public in a bit but she’s having fun rn. She’s got a cute boyfriend and her career is doing stellar and she’s got the I cut down on alcohol glow and shit like let the lady live for a bit. She doesn’t owe us shit. And I’m not convinced she’s a different person, I think she’s just not caring if people see she’s yk who she is - not an angel, not a hermit artiste, just a girl who’s trying to vibe.

I also think for me personally I’ve enjoyed a lot of her recent music so that adds to it. I love Midnights and I love the 1989 Vault and idk I am happy to let her vibe like she doesn’t owe us shit. Far be it from me to tell you to buy her $20 teacups or whatever to sponsor her trips to KC - I don’t lol - but I think it’s deeply unfair to expect her to be your lifeline or whatever like that’s genuinely not on her.

All this said, if you’re not vibing with music or the brand rn that’s okay. Harry Potter was HUGELY important to me in my preteens and into my teens and then as it happened, it turned out that JKR was a really bad person and I reread the books genuinely for science and they weren’t that great like there was a lot there I found actively not okay so aside from how I wouldn’t publicly be a millennial Potterhead anyway probably because I’m not yk that bloody weird I actively disengaged and I asked family and friends to stop buying me Robert Galbraith books and I just like… disengaged. Never watched the cursed child, haven’t watched any of the fantastic beast movies after the first one, never bought any merch again even when it’s a bit cute, just totally cut myself off. That’s MY choice. It’s not JK’s. JK is out there vibing like as she should but I don’t have to support her and she doesn’t owe me shit lol so like yes our moral compasses unfortunately do not align and that’s just the reality so I can be all dramatic or I can just stop buying her shit lol and I’ve chosen to do the latter and I don’t have any bad feelings towards her. We just don’t agree on morals. If you don’t agree with Taylor on morals or even lifestyle that’s also fine but again that’s a you problem not a Taylor problem 🤷🏻‍♀️

hope this made sense and helped although it was rambley.

[folklauerate]

Hey, just read your response about an ask regarding the infidelity AU. I was one of the people who wanted to see all 3 POVs - not for the smut, though. I mean, I love Kanthony smut as much as the next person but I was mostly intrigued to see how two people who value duty above all else and usually claim to have a moral high ground in most situations fight with their feelings and how they lose their fight. I'm only speaking for myself, but I have seen this sentiment reflected in most readers, the reason I read fanfiction is because I couldn't get enough of Kate and Anthony on the show, they had the kind of explosive chemistry I've rarely seen before and there were so many elements of the show that I wanted to change and I found that a lot of fic writers agreed and wrote amazing fics doing just that. Sorry, I digress - the point being, in most fics, I'm majorly interested in Kate or Anthony's POV. They're the characters I'm interested in reading about. Their journeys are what I get invested in. I know Tom and the Bridgersibs are great, and I love it when they're used to further the plot. But I haven't been able to bring myself to read any story that doesn't focus on Kanthony and only read other ship stories to support writers whose work I admire. I don't lie in bed thinking about how those characters would react in a specific situation in that particular AU but I sometimes write thesis in my head about how, say, King Anthony would react when Kate has to give up her acting career, or how All's well Anthony would do something, or how LDB Anthony looks like as a committed boyfriend. Anthony, in particular, is such a complicated and fascinatingly flawed character who follows his own rules and code of conduct that I was interested to see how he would deal with finding his soul mate who is already in a committed relationship. I know the fic was a character study and it's focus was Tom but I just kept thinking about Kanthony the whole time and I think it speaks to your ability as a writer that I was doing that and feeling conflicted about wanting a HEA. I apologize if it made you feel skittish. That was not my intention, I just have bad brain rot with these two. Tysm for sharing your work, I appreciate the time and effort you put into it :) and sorry for this longass essay lol

First of all, thanks for taking the time to leave such a really sweet message and explainer :,) I’m with you in wanting a more in-depth look at Kathony that the show didn’t really provide, and wanting more of that chemistry and tension. They’re really fascinating and flawed and fun characters for a reason! So I’m totally with you there.

Honestly, I really did not mean to imply that everyone asking for a follow-up was doing so for the same motivations, and I do regret saying that bc I don’t want to offend everyone. And I know you’re a longtime reader and so so sweet and definitely don’t want you to have implied I thought poorly of you or anyone and I think I accidentally did 😭 all to say; I appreciate your message and I hate that I did make you feel like you needed to explain yourself and also I’ll just need to be more careful moving forward haha. Thank you for being so sweet and supportive always, I really do appreciate it. And thank you for taking the time to send this ask because you definitely didn’t have to and I think it’s very kind of you to take the time to respond anyways.

I’m sort of leaning towards finishing the Kate POV oneshot up now, since there seem to be a lot of unanswered questions and about their motivations, and it might be more satisfying for everyone who read it to get that perspective! Like just because I have an idea of what happened doesn’t mean everyone has arrived to those conclusions too and there’s other background that the reader couldn’t know about, so I’ll prioritize finishing it, and hopefully it’ll provide some clarity for everyone :)

Just want to add that I am honored to even be mentioned in the same breath as Jo and Amanda’s iterations of Anthony and their fics :,) I feel lucky to call them friends and their work really is commendable. I’m also very lucky to know you, so thanks so much for being so sweet and taking the time to send this, and I’m really my own ramblings to that initial ask came across so insensitively 😭 that isn’t my intention at all and I feel so immensely, massively lucky to have a community of really nice people who read my fic (I’ve only gotten a handful for hate comments, thank goodness), and I feel very grateful for that! Thanks for being here, friend 🤍

[calicopilledqueen]

This week was so fucking bad.

Monday:

Monday was my birthday. It was ok at first. I didn’t sleep well because my bedsheets were still wet and staying up any later wouldn’t be good for me. I got probably 2-4 hours of sleep, which set me off for a bad morning. I was cold the entire night and I woke up slightly damp which pissed me off. Getting ready was fine, but I had to pack for my grandparents house which gave me less time. I got Starbucks with my sister and mom so atleast my morning was not terrible. I did get birthday posts, but a lot of people just wished my twin a happy birthday and not me. Even the announcer wished only my sister a birthday. Look, I know I’m not as popular and nice as her but wishing me a happy birthday is just the bare minimum. That kind of pissed me off for the day because I’m honestly tired of having this second hand treatment. From my mom, some of my friends and now people who go to my school. I also had a soccer game but I think we lost. I didn’t want to play because it was raining and honestly I want time to do homework.

Tuesday:

I don’t really remember Tuesday but I all I know that it wasn’t memorable at all and that obviously means it wasn’t good at all

Wednesday:

I didn’t like Wednesday either. I tried getting help for math but I don’t understand the material and we had 2 quizzes in on period. I didn’t finish the quizzes to 100% and I failed both of them so bad!! I want to drop calculus but the college advisor said I should wait since it’s only the beginning of the school year. History was also stressing me out because how am I suppose to read 2 different text books and summarize them for a test, re-write and essay and do test corrections all in one week. I wish I didn’t take honors but it’s too late to switch out, and even if I wanted to I couldn’t.

Thursday:

I started crying during breakfast because I was really stressed and I don’t know / can’t talk to people no matter how hard I try. I’ve been really stressed because nothing goes my way, and yes that’s a stupid reason to be stressed but I was suppose to take my permits test this day and I couldn’t because my parents didn’t have enough money. I’m really mad because I planned this out a month ahead and I feel like no matter how hard I organize and plan things no one puts and effort in to try and co-operate. And school is not helping that. I honestly was hoping maybe this year would be better than last but that’s not going to happen. My sister sprained her ankle and she keeps taking it out on me. She doesn’t hit me or anything serious, she’s just really sassy and I don’t need this along with everything else going on. The fun part of this day is that I bought my dress for my party and I think it looks really good on me. I got it with my aunt and sister and it was a fun afternoon.

Friday(today):

Today was like a field day but we paired up with the little kids. My partner was so cute and I honestly miss her. She makes me want to have kids. But everything else was kind of annoying. Every time I try talking to one of the new kids she just ignores me or like gives me dry responses. At first I thought it was because she’s shy or maybe she’s just like that but she can talk normally and she does with a lot of people. Most people but me. I’m not sure why but it’s starting to annoy me because now it’s just kind of rude. This one is also kind of dumb but I was looking for 4 leaf clovers today with my partner and I thought I found one but the 3rd leaf was just tattered so it looked like 4. Some kids in my class call me stupid but I know they might be joking. But I also feel like they’re not. I’m not really smart or I don’t seem like it so of course they would think that, but recently just these little comments have been getting to me at it lowk hurt 😔. One of them is coming to my party but I didn’t want to invite him because I don’t talk to him and I use to like him so now I feel awkward around him. Don’t get me wrong I don’t like him in that way anymore but I rather not be reminded about how I basically got played. I would’ve cried during the field day stuff but my partner genuinely made me happy so I couldn’t. She always held my hand and she wanted to sit in my lap and stuff. She was so cute and if I ever have a kid I want it to be just like her. She was sad when I had to go to and I miss her a lot. After the school day ended I had a soccer game to do. It was homecoming so everyone showed up. I played like shit the first half but then I did better the second. No goal though.. I went home and ate chipotle with my grandparents and that was pretty chill. I went home and that reminded me why I hate staying at my Moms and it was just so chaotic. I tried rescheduling my permit test and no one knows where my social security number is, and I have 2 different legal last names. It’s confusing I know but who the fuck has 2 different last names in 2 different id’s?? I just don’t like thinking about that and there’s nothing I can do. Hoco dance is tomorrow but I’m not going because I need to do homework.

I hope the rest of this year gets better because if this is just the begging I don’t think I can make it to the end.

[bumblebeerror]

[this anon was originally written back in early august, in response to this: https://www.tumblr.com/bumblebeerror/757738358762094592/data-entry-seems-like-it-has-to-do-with-computers?source=share , but it seems like it got lost or deleted in your inbox. luckily i had it saved in my notes so i'm gonna send it to you again]

...

i also forgot to mention that another thing i could do really easily: write paragraphs/articles/essays.

you said it yourself, my asks are "novella-sized" and it usually takes me less than 30 minutes to write them (once i get in the appropriate frame of mind and start writing on autopilot). it's super natural for me and it feels satisfying when i get it off my chest. if only there was some kind of job that would pay me to write stuff for them, that would be a very easy way for me to make money. and i could write from home!

there are questions you ask during job interviews? i thought the employer was the one asking all the questions and you are only allowed to give answers? what.

i know people might understand my phobia of bugs and be sympathetic, but it's not about them. it's about how this phobia interferes with my proper functioning. i can't even cook a meal for myself without running back to my room in fear because i saw a spider. that's a problem. if i start living alone at one point, it'll be an even bigger problem.

unfortunately i don't live in the US, so i can't do state healthcare :( but i do live in western europe, so my country is pretty well-off and has a decent standard of living.

yeah, I'm 20, but i honestly feel 80. and i'm not disabled, but sometimes i feel spiritually disabled. it's like i'm in a deep pit. i've been in this pit for over a decade. and i feel like the harder i try to climb my way out to the surface, the further i fall down. every day i feel like i get further and further from the surface.

and i'm sorry to hear about your situation. but you can get through this. take it one day at a time! i wish you luck in finding a new job as well, bumble. :)

...

[add-on which i wrote today]:

i am doing okay, i think. not sure how i feel anymore or what direction i am heading in. i feel disoriented. and i'm still not on speaking terms with my mother or anybody. it's been over a month since we last spoke. damn...

but anyways, i love the finch app a lot, it's so cool. it really helps me do things i usually have no motivation for. it does cheer me up.

- 🍄

You never know, you could always see if you can get in somewhere writing for a living. Local newspapers and stuff. I was close with a guy who used to write articles on freelance to support him and his mom.

Brains are hard, man. Maybe the way to deal with it is sorta… going around it, in a way. Instead of dealing with bugs and spiders and stuff directly, you could use repellent to make them leave or just simplify tasks where they hang out so that you don’t have to spend so much time around them, that’s usually how I deal with spiders.

In general, honestly, I use a lot of shortcuts. Meal replacers, bath wipes, premade stuff and setting up things when I have energy for when I don’t, y’know?

That kinda pit is exactly how a lot of people describe depression. The most annoying part of it is that it tries to make you feel like fighting it is useless or hurts more, eventually though that’s about the only way to feel better.

I’m getting used to just not having a car 😅 it’s been rough, but it’s fine. I’m thinking about trying to scrape some money together to get a bike instead so that I can still run little errands in town at least.

I’m glad things are changing, even if you don’t know where they’re going, yet. You sound a little more hopeful about it all. I hope your mom comes around at some point. But I’m glad you like the app! Its so so good for giving you reasons to do things and the outfits are fun :3

[nicromancytarot]

PAID READING FEEDBACK

DID YOU FEEL AS THOUGH THE READING WAS WORTH THE PRICE YOU PAID?

YAS BEECH EVERY FREAKING CENT

WOULD YOU BUY ANOTHER READING FROM ME IN THE FUTURE?

Yes.

FEEDBACK

Ok I've been thinking about what to write because I am seriously not that great with my words but I will try my best. First off pookie, I seriously want to thank you for all the effort and energy you put into my reading. It’s freaking clear that you invested a great deal of time, energy, and genuine consideration into each response. My reading was 6000+ words long. Like wtf?? That's a long ass essay bruh. The most important thing to me was that I felt each response had a lot of heart and sincerity put into it. Sometimes, paid readings can feel like the readers are just trying to get it done and over with, but Nic's readings always have a sincerity that, in my opinion, feels like she’s genuinely rooting for me. I gained a lot of insights from it as well, with some SPICY SPICY details which was so fun lol. I also wanted to change a few questions in the package which she very graciously allowed me to. And honestly she’s just such a joy to work with, everything went smoothly. I've had readings in the past where it felt like the readers were almost unwilling or begrudging in their approach. It was frustrating because it's a service I paid good money for, yet I felt like I had to beg for my reading. (I’m not trying to compare, but this is the best way I can put things into perspective) As long as you are being reasonable and respectful (don’t be a dick and a Karen), the whole process should go extremely smoothly. I am seriously so grateful. Words can't even express how thankful and touched I am. Lol thank you for listening to my Ted Talk. Love u babe, you are the best. KISS KISS

[luv-again]

Reblogging this again because I needed to have a good long think about my life </3 and because I need to ramble at length, as per.

For me personally, I haven't felt a drop in engagement with my works as a writer, as it's difficult to gauge when there never was much of an incline in the first place.

Recently, I've had a small increase of engagement on my latest work, but it's hard to say why that is because I simply don't know what grabs people. I write for fun, to sustain my sanity, to send a message about a particular topic. Most of it is tailored to me, I primarily write for my own enjoyment and so I don't know exactly what grabs other people, hence why a lot of engagement on my works are minimal — because I'm not appealing to a specific audience. I also think it's because I'm garbage at tagging, summaries and promoting my works as a whole. I think I'm just too niche or boring or something ?? Again, I don't know what attracts or repels people with my works.

Another thing that doesn't help is being fairly new to a fandom. You're going it alone, with no support system, just hoping you might reach someone. I experience a lot of 'lost at sea' moments with that. You're just grabbing at straws in desperation most of the time.

Point is, what I do is maybe what's separating me from actively interacting in the fandom. Perhaps people can't relate to what I write, or perhaps I write too much broody introspection instead of something more fast-paced, entertaining and full of action.

I know I'm a good writer. I've always written works attributed to someone much older (so I'm told). But when all I have is to watch my stagnant statistics on AO3, I start to equate those numbers to my worth as an artist (not good thinking). It’s discouraging and disheartening and I'm genuinely led to believe that my favourite hobby, the one thing that really defines me is absolutely meaningless and I should just stop doing it altogether.

Lately, I have received a few really really kind comments from people, saying they did love what I made, that doing those hard yards weren't in vain. My favourites have been a handful of bulky paragraphs — comments that could have been essay length; those who said they could relate and those who quoted specific lines from my fics that struck them in some type of way. Those ones have honestly been the most uplifting. It's actually allowed me to interact with my readers, which is so important to me. The praise is always lovely, of course it is, but most of all, I love knowing about the people who found my work and how it impacted them. It makes it all worth it.

So please, I implore everyone to like, reblog, leave kudos, comment — whatever. Even if it's not much. Even if it's just to say you enjoyed their creation ! If you loved it so much that you want to write a ten paged review in response — do it. Being an artist of any kind is hard, let's lift each other up as best we can. Love and appreciation should be abundant for every creator that's giving their all.

Okay, I was chatting with a friend, and they have been feeling so demotivated in regards to writing lately due to the (seemingly sudden) lack of engagement. Honestly, I've heard this from multiple other writers as well. I don't blame them, and feel very similarly.

So I figured I'd throw a poll up to see how others are seeing engagement.

This can be for any fandom.

Feel free to comment/reblog with your fandom and your view of how engagement has changed. Did it seem to happen suddenly?

[rainyblue]

1/5/2023

I decided to start a little reading journal to keep track of my thoughts about all the books I plan to read this year. My goal is pretty hefty - 50 books over 365 days. At present, I feel pretty good about this goal. Last year, I read 37 books, not counting the ones that I DNF'd halfway through.

But I don't want books to become just something to get through in order to reach a quota, words and meanings fading away as soon as a book has fulfilled its purpose of being counted toward my yearly goal. Hence, a reading journal, to remind me of why I read in the first place - for fun, to learn something new, to connect, and learn to think more deeply.

So, here are some of my most recent reads and my thoughts on them:

Hester by Laurie Lico Albanese (dec 17-20, 2022)

This was my pick for The Afictionados for the month of December. I have mixed thoughts about it.

Oh btw, this reading journal gon' have spoilers. Spoiler alert.

My favorite part of the book was the developmental journey of the main character, Isobel. At the start of the book, she is quite naïve and unsure of herself, which gets her into some bad situations, like getting married to a deadbeat 16th-century-equivalent of a Doterra salesman who steals her money and then disappears, leaving her alone in a brand new country. She ends up supporting herself using her talents as an embroiderer and seamstress, although that situation is also pretty sketchy. She also winds up in an affair with fictional Nathaniel Hawthorne, portrayed here as an emo fuckboy. He gets Isobel knocked up and then won't take responsibility for the child, even threatening to expose her synesthesia (which would have gotten her labeled a witch back in the day) to keep her silent.

As shitty as her situation is, Isobel learns an important but hard lesson, which is: men ain't shit and the only person you can trust is yourself and your Sisters from Other Misters. And Captain Darling *swoon*

The parts that I didn't enjoy so much: all the chapters about the Salem witch trials (which I felt had a very hazy connection to the central storyline, witch mania aside), and the chapters told from the POV of Isobel's ancestress, her namesake, Isobel Gowdie. I honestly can't remember that much of the book since I found them quite boring and I mentally checked out whenever the book got to those parts.

Another thing that got me was the predictability of the storyline, which I guess is just par for the course for a book that is a reimagining of The Scarlet Letter. Having already read that book and knowing the story of Hester Prynne, there was zero shock that Nat decided not to marry Isobel when she got pregnant. I found the writing to be very beautiful, and this was a very moody, atmospheric novel, but at times, I felt tired following the book's slow march toward a climax that I already knew about.

Still, any book is fun to read when I read it with The Afictionados. 3.5/5

Babel: An Arcane History by R. F. Kuang (dec 20-25, 2022)

Well, what I can say. My good sis Rebecca has done it again.

I will say, though, that this one was a bit tougher to get through for me, mainly just because of how big it was. I'm a big fan of 300-page fantasy, but this one was over 500 pages and nearly 24 hours long on audiobook. An adjustment for me, for sure.

But, having finished reading it now, I do feel like the emotional payoff would not have been as effective if the book were shorter, if any of the scenes had been cut.

There were a lot of parts in this book that resonated with me as I recalled my own time as a woman-of-color in college, studying English Literature. Colonialism was a big topic that came up in a lot of my classes, both as an English Lit student and an Asian Studies student, but I think the way that the topic is tackled in Babel really brought the evils of empire-building to life for me in a way that reading a bunch of essays in school didn't.

I especially remember a moment in my Asian History class when we were examining Japanese colonialism in Korea in the early 20th century, when we were reading an article about how the Japanese improved roads and infrastructure in Korea after they annexed the country in 1910 and literacy rates increased and all this other "good" stuff. At the time, I thought it was good that the Koreans got some better roads and better buildings, infrastructure and educations and all that, but then as we examined the situation some more, we got to see how all the "good" that Korea got out of colonization was only to further strengthen Japanese encroachment on the country.

The same kind of nuance is examined in Babel, too. The main character, Robin, loves his idyllic life at Oxford, studying, having tea, hanging out with friends, living the dark academia dream, yet because he is Chinese, this institution will never really see him as a legitimate Oxfordian (or even really human, tbh), and robin recognizes that although he's been given the privilege to live and work there and get an amazing education, everything he's gained from Oxford - his education, his career - has only ever been a way to make him a tool for even further colonization.

Maybe I should've seen the sad ending coming, having just finishing The Burning God, but it still made me emotional. Thinking about it now, though, any sort of happy ending would have felt unrealistic or too easy given everything that Robin would've had to do in order to get the ending he wanted.

Anyway, R. F. Kuang is one of my favorite authors. 5/5.

Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt (dec 28-30, 2022)

Magical realism isn't my favorite genre, but I think it's done pretty well in this book. Although I feel like it dragged a bit in the middle, I thought it was, overall, a very cute, heart-warming read about an octopus that helps a long lost grandmother and grandson find each other.

A very sweet time. 4/5.

Lobizona by Romina Garber (jan 3-4, 2022)

I'm also doing The Storygraph's Read the World Challenge, and one of the prompts is to read a book set in/from Argentina. I picked this YA book about an undocumented teen who discovers that she has a rare magical ability - she is a lobizona, a werewolf. She gets whisked off to a magical summer camp/Hogwarts-esque type of place where she learns to control her powers and unlock the secret of her parentage.

I do still love YA books, but I do find a lot of them corny nowadays. I did feel that way about this one at some points throughout the book, but maybe that's just because I am finding myself leaning away from anything with romance recently. Being that this book is about teenagers, you can bet that there's a lot of romancing and horniness going on.

One thing that I did like about this book, however, was the way it handled the plight of undocumented people. In the book, the main character Manu has had to live a shrunken existence in order to not be discovered, either by ICE or by the cazadores, because she's both an undocumented person living in the US and a hybrid human-lobizona. The parts of the book where Manu reflects on this experience were the parts that I felt were the most moving.

Overall, I liked it, but maybe I am outgrowing the YA genre. 3.75/5.

The Mercies by Kiran Millwood Hargrave (jan 4-5, 2022)

Man, I need to read more books in which women have good sex lol.

This was another book that I read for the Read the World Challenge, this one being from Norway. It's set in 16th century Norway and follows two women. Maren Magnusdatter lost her brother, father, and fiance in a freak storm that also killed all the men in the village, leaving the women to fend for themselves. Ursa is the wife of the village's new commissioner who is hell bent on ridding the village of witchcraft by any means necessary. Witch mania ensues, and also, lesbians.

I normally don't shy away from dark, depressing stories, but this one just got me for some reason. Of course, awful things happen, like neighbors accusing each other of witchcraft and women being branded with hot irons, dunked naked into freezing oceans, strangled with rope, and burnt at the stake for wearing trousers instead of skirts. But it's Ursa, trapped in a suffocating marriage with an ultra-radical Christian man 20 years her senior, who depresses me the most.

Still, I was curious about how the events would unfold, and if Ursa and Maren would finally get together. The neighbor characters were infuriating, and it was scary recognizing their hysteria and righteousness from my own many years of going to church.

This one's a 3.75/5 for me.

Up next, we've got The Ones We Burn by Rebecca Mix, and I am still slowly making my way through Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno-Garcia. I'll also be reading Fantasticland by Mike Bockoven at some point this month. More bookish thoughts coming soon.

Also, maybe I should read fewer witchy books? They can be fun, but also depressing. Who knows?

[shesyourcocaine]

Hi hello, it’s your secret rocker santa again, emerged from the depths of job and apartment hunting!

First off, definitely don’t apologize about writing essays in response—I’m finding it challenging to keep asks within a reasonable length myself x) Plus I loved hearing your Springsteen thoughts!! I completely agree about how vividly he paints circumstances that are quite different from mine. I actually haven’t listened to The Ghost of Tom Joad yet—that’s something to look forward to :D I immediately gravitated to the songs from that album that you put on the playlist, so I’m really looking forward to listening to it properly.

Speaking of—thank you so much for the playlist!!! I honestly enjoyed it so much, and will definitely keep listening to it. A few standouts from my first impressions (which may shift over time—I find I tend to gravitate towards slower, simpler songs first, while louder/more complex ones grow on me with time):

I loved the Springsteen in general, of course—you put a whole lot of my absolute favorites in there! But the ones from the Ghost of Tom Joad album really stood out, because they were new to me and I was really drawn to them.

From the Morning - this is very much in the vein of music I grew up listening to, and I loved it at once.

As We Go Along - I’m not familiar with The Monkees, but I might have to check out more from them—I really liked this one!

So Long, Marianne - Leonard Cohen is one of those artists I’m always meaning to listen to more of. I’ve only really listened to a few of his songs, but I love the ones I have listened to—this one is new to me, and is an immediate favorite.

Kate Bush in general, honestly, although And So Is Love stood out to me most on first blush. Listening to her songs gave me a similar feeling that I got listening to Springsteen for the first time: the part of me that resists new things going ‘hmm, I’m not sure about that?’ while the rest of me goes ‘on the other hand I should probably listen to more immediately right now just to make sure’. She’s catapulted to the top of my ‘to listen’ list of artists I'm not familiar with.

Girl from the North Country 

After Hours - This one is more relatable than I’d like it to be x)

Tori Amos in general, but especially Pretty Good Year and Silent All These Years. I definitely want to listen to more of her music as well—I get how she could become an all-time favorite.

How did you first come across Tori Amos?

I’ll be sending some song recs in return shortly—I also got rather excited assembling them, and this ask is quite long enough already x)

Hi again! I'm so glad you liked the playlist I had a lot of fun making it. That Kate Bush song And So is Love is soooo good and honestly it's really underrated among Kate Bush fans so i'm glad that one stood out to you - it's one of my favorites.

As for Tori Amos I could probably write like an entire 5000 page book about her and her music i cant even get into all of it. I got to go to one of her concerts this year with my best friend and it was literally the best concert I'd ever been to. It's a bit embarrassing for me honestly but I first heard her music from this really bad Netflix show called "everything sucks". I would definitely NOT recommend watching it, but a character in the show is a becomes a fan of Tori Amos and goes to a concert. The show has the song Silent All These Years in it and I went crazy when I first heard it and I played it on repeat for months before I heard other songs. I got really really into her music after I saw some youtube comments and a really weird website that accused her of being a satanist? Idk what they were talking about but basically I got curious and listened to the rest of her stuff! She's really the only musician I think who can't make a bad song. Even her like really dorky songs I can't help love Idk what it is about them!

If you were to start listening to Tori I think most people start with Little Earthquakes or Under the Pink which is her first and second album which are really great. My favorite album is probably Boys for Pele but my favorite changes a lot. I think my favorite song of hers is Northern Lad or Hey Jupiter. Again, it changes a lot lol. If you like more slower songs she has the album Scarlet's Walk which is a concept album that follows a woman named Scarlet as she travels around the United States. It's really different from her other albums it's got a really kind of soft-rock pop sound to it. It's very literary I guess. Honestly might be a bit insane for saying this but its like weirdly kind of Springsteenish? The content of the album as a reflection the sociopolitical climate of America through the story of kind of down on your luck average American citizen I think is very Springsteen like lol. But of course she does it in a weird way that's not as accessible as Bruce's music. Still great though :)

I can't wait to hear what your song recommendations are! Talk to you soon!

[blurredblu]

Hi there! I'm happy you responded and I'm generally just very giddy and glad to discuss Sonic and his characterisation in critical ways. My intention isn't to upset you in any way so while I really do like your sad alien illustration, I want to make super clear that my points are only about the source material, their contexts of production, and my understandings of them that inform my value judgements about one form of Sonic media over another.

On the first note you bring up, WOW, you're completely right—I did not clock that line as a song reference since it was wrapped up in other terms about freedom when IDW Sonic says it. Let's call that a moot point, then.

As for the rest, my autism meter went off the charts and I got an essay now by way of response!

Please know it is long and meticulous but done with a lot, lot, lot of care and love for Sonic's character and the utmost respect to you as someone who also loves Sonic. In truth, the essay isn't even really solely about responding to you; it's honestly the outcome of many, many thoughts, opinions, and arguments I've had brewing over the whole IDW Sonic compared to Game Sonic discourse that I thought of while reading your thoughts. It's also a piece of writing that I hope other Sonic fans can click into and appreciate in its own right to an extent, even if it's a continuation of this discussion we've had (I've been sick for over a week now and, unironically, writing this essay is some of the most fun I've had while ill).

If at any point you want to respond to things I bring up in the essay, please feel free! I completely understand any preference otherwise; like I said, this mainly exists as an outlet for a litany of thoughts I've had on this topic more than anything else.

"sonic just wants to be best friends with his enemies"

WRONG thats only in the idw comics. extremely loud incorrect buzzer.

[frenchibi]

I'm the 2/2 anon, thank you for the essay response! I copied and paste it into a doc so that it is now permanently mine to refer to. >:3 I could give you an inbox full on how much your response empowers me but I really don't want to send THAT MUCH spam to your inbox... Just know that I am grateful and am lurking in the shadows...

Hi again, anon! :D

Yeahhhh sorry for going a bit overboard there lmao who would have guessed that I love writing essays rip

I’m really happy that I was able to help a bit, though!! Please don’t hesitate to ask more questions or send me things!! I might take a bit with my response bc I try to cover as much ground as possible, but I’ll definitely answer pretty much anything x’DAnd you don’t gotta worry about spamming my inbox, really. I don’t get that many asks anyway ^^ So come back any time you feel like it!

((Also you don’t have to lurk in the shadows unless you want to, feel free to come off anon and message me directly if you wanna talk more :DD))