#honestly I don’t know how this took like 2 days/14 hours for this

[laniemae]

A bit too late fanart of Hatsune Miku as Amane Momose in The Purge March for both their anniversaries! Honestly this was a really fun piece to draw and having a perspective like this was really hard. But I sure couldn’t miss out on drawing this for their anniversaries!

[meiliarotten]

Team Fortress 2 Kinktober Time Three: Return of the Kink

Day 14: Correction (Spanking)

🔞MINORS DNI🔞

Pairings: Spy x Gender Neutral!Reader

Summary: Your battlefield shenanigans are getting out of hand, and Spy decides to do something about it.

Tags: Spanking, Dom/Sub, bratty reader, masochism, hair pulling, edging, teasing, aftercare

Word Count: 3.4k

The Masterlist

“So… you’ve been chain smoking ever since we got off the battlefield. And that was an hour ago.”

Spy barely acknowledged you, simply proving your point by lighting a fresh cigarette with the embers of the last one. You sat uncomfortably in a chair across from him, a chess set laying untouched between the two of you. “I mean, I know this is called a smoking room for a reason, but this,” you gestured towards the cloud of wispy gray smoke that had formed above the two of you, “Is a bit much, don’t you think?”

Honestly, if it weren’t for the effects of the Medigun you were certain Spy would have literally every kind of respiratory illness by now. All of the lung cancer, all of the emphysema. All of it.

Another moment of silence stretched out for an eternity before you let out an annoyed huff. Getting up from your chair, you walked right over to Spy, leaning against the arm of his chair and fixing him with the sweetest expression you could muster. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Spy sighed, a cloud of smoke passing his lips before he responded, still refusing to look at you. “You really are dense sometimes, my dear.”

“Damn. Alright then,” you said, put off by his obtuse, and frankly, insulting response. You moved to return to your own seat but Spy grabbed your arm.

“Non, non! Come, sit.” You let him pull you into his lap. His tone sounded apologetic. You made yourself comfortable, straddling him. He snuffed out the cigarette in a nearby ashtray.

“So, what’s wrong?” you asked again, hoping for a more direct answer this time.

Spy took a deep breath. “Darling, you know I love you.”

“I am very lovable.”

“And you know that I will always be honest with you.”

“Oh no.” You recognized that tone and those words. What followed was usually some kind of critique, and what’s worse, it was almost always a valid critique- the worst kind of all.

Spy went on. “Which is why it is my responsibility to say that your battlefield performance today was, in a word, abysmal.”

“Ouch.” You pouted, batting your lashes at him. He remained unaffected by your antics, continuing with barely a pause.

“It was not just today, either. You have been inattentive, and more so, you’ve made yourself a distraction for me as well!”

“It’s just a bit of flirting. It’s fun!” You were actually a bit surprised at this. You had been under the assumption that Spy was a sucker for stolen kisses in concealed corners or subtle, yet tender touches between checkpoints.

“It is fun for you, but your ‘flirting’ has cost us several battles in the past month alone!” Spy knew he wasn’t completely innocent either. His responses only encouraged your behavior, but you were always the inviting factor, so it was only fair that you bared most of the blame.

“It’s not my fault you make backstabbing look so hot.” You pouted, arms crossed indignantly. “Besides, I thought you liked having my eyes on you.”

Spy took a deep breath, trying to be patient with you, no matter how difficult you were making that endeavor. “Even when you are being insolent, you somehow manage to be charming,” he admitted. “But even so, I can not allow myself to become infatuated with your faults.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” you asked.

“Darling, it is our duty as lovers to bring out the best in each other, and sometimes that involves a bit of correction.”

Correction? Seriously? You scoffed, rolling your eyes. “What are you going to do, spank me?” Spy paused. He paused for a very long time. “Spy?”

“Perhaps I should.”

“What? Spy, I was joking! You’re actually considering it?” you said, stammering.

“Oh no, my dear, I’m not considering it. I have already decided.” He said, giving you a stern look that made you want to shrink away into the nearest wall. “Bend over my desk.”

You didn’t get a chance to protest before he pushed you off his lap. You rushed to get back on your feet, stumbling slightly. “Spy, what the hell are you doing?” you asked, glancing at the desk in disbelief.

“I believe I was quite clear.”

“You can’t be serious!” you said, exasperated and baffled by the situation that was unfolding before you.

Spy took you by the chin, tilting your head up to meet his gaze. “You are being a petulant little brat.”

You bristled. “I am not!” Ironically, that may have been the most ‘bratty’ thing you could have said at the moment.

The two of you stared at each other for a while, stuck in a kind of stand off before Spy sighed and his gaze softened. “Are you truly uncomfortable with this, darling?” he asked. “I won’t do anything to you that you do not agree to.”

“No, it’s not like I’m scared of a little pain.” You thought it over for a moment. Once your initial shock had been pushed aside, it didn’t really seem all that bad. “It’s just kind of humiliating.”

“Of course. Punishment must by necessity be at least a little unpleasant.”

Well, you supposed that made sense, and even you had to admit that some of your actions had cost you some pretty vital battles over the past few days. Everyone had been in a less than pleasant mood because of it, and if there was a chance this unconventional method of ‘correction’ could end your team’s streak of losses, then it was worth a shot. A few swats to your ass couldn’t be that difficult to endure, right?

“I’ll do it, if it’ll make you feel like you’ve ‘fulfilled your duty as a lover,’ or whatever,” you said, struggling not to roll your eyes as you quoted his own words back at him. You turned, bending over the desk and shifting your weight side to side. You craned your neck to shoot him a wicked smile. “You can even enjoy the view while your at it-”

The first spank came down hard before you could finish your sentence. You cut yourself off with a shout, covering your mouth the moment the sound escaped you. Your face flushed, embarrassed at how strongly you had reacted. Spy grinned, however his tone remained even and calm, almost nonchalant.

“I believe ten swats will be sufficient, assuming we don’t have to start over.” Before you could ask what exactly would require him to start over, a second spank made you jump. Instinctively, you tried to squirm away from the impact. Spy’s other hand immediately pressed down on the small of your back, keeping you in place. “Stay still, darling. Reste calme. This will be easier if you obey.”

“Fuck, this is ridiculous,” you said, trying to distract yourself by seeing the humor in this situation. Spy delivered a third spank without hesitation. You were more prepared for it this time, biting your lip hard to keep from crying out again.

“Perhaps I need to curb that snarky mouth of yours as well,” he said, clearly unamused with your commentary. Having not learned your lesson, you opened your mouth to speak once again, only for your words to turn into a harsh moan as a fourth swat rained down on you. A fifth left you gripping the edges of the desk.

“That’s it, hold on if you must. You’re taking this quite well for your first time receiving such punishment.” That was the first bit of praise Spy had offered you since starting this whole ordeal. “We’re halfway done now.”

“Only half?” Your voice trembled. You weren’t sure why this was affecting you so much. It hurt, yes, but you had endured pain far worse. This should not have been making you shudder and whine. It was only upon the sixth swat that you found yourself squeezing your thighs together, your eyes going wide as you finally recognized that familiar feeling blossoming between your hips.

On the seventh, you began to pray that Spy would interpret your moans as sounds of pain, because there was no holding them back anymore. You pressed your forehead against the desk, clamping your lower lip between your teeth in a feeble attempt to quiet yourself. That only resulted in your moans turning into shaky whimpers as you rode out the final moments of your punishment.

There was no denying that you were quite disappointed when it ended. You stayed bent over the desk for a while, hiding your bereft expression from view. Spy’s hand still rested on the small of your back, a small assurance that he was still there. He stayed quiet, letting you sit up at your own pace. When you did finally get up your eyes remained glued to the desk for a while as you tried to quell your arousal.

“Look at me.” Spy’s words were soft, but stern. Reluctantly, you turned to face him, hoping against hope that your blush had calmed down, even though the heat in your cheeks proved otherwise. You were met with a surprisingly tender smile and Spy reached out to brush his thumb over your chin. “You did wonderfully, my darling. Come, let me kiss you.”

Now that was an order you were eager to follow. You pressed your lips to his, gripping the lapels of his suit, pulling him close. Your bodies were flush against each other, but it still didn’t feel close enough. You wanted him inside you, you wanted it so badly it hurt- or maybe that was just the lingering sting from your punishment. Whatever it was, it caused tears to prick at the corners of your eyes. When you finally broke for air, your gasp came out as more of a sob that you tried and failed to stifle.

“It’s alright, don’t hold back,” Spy whispered, moving from your lips to kiss your cheek, wiping a tear away with his thumb. “Crying is natural after such an experience.”

You sniffed, trying to keep some composure even as tears fell and dotted the expensive fabric of Spy’s suit. He took off the jacket, letting it drape off the edge of a nearby chair. You weren’t sure why, but some strange combination between the lingering sting of the spanks and the sight of Spy removing his clothing sparked something in you. Without thinking, you began to tug at the buttons of his undershirt.

Spy made a soft sound of surprise, but you kissed him before he could say another word. You didn’t want any interruptions, not yet. Still, you eventually had to draw back for air. Spy chuckled as you unfastened the final button, splaying your hands over his chest. “I’m starting to think this was a bit too enjoyable for you, mon amour.” You shushed him, raking your nailed down his chest. He gasped, but quickly regained his composure. “I wasn’t aware I had a masochist on my hands. I would have chosen a different method of punishment otherwise-”

You kissed him hard, shutting him up once again. Clumsily, you began to pull at his belt and slacks. You were working blindly, but slowly, the belt came loose. Spy jerked against you roughly when you finally wrapped a hand around his cock. You weren’t gentle, pumping him fast and feeling him harden in your grasp. He moaned against your mouth and you felt a hint of pride at getting such a reaction out of him, no matter how brief. Your little power trip wasn’t going to last long, though.

Gloved fingers tangled into your hair. You hummed, enjoying the gentle touch on your scalp, until Spy suddenly tightened his grip and pulled hard. Your head tilted back and you winced.

“Ouch! God, what was that for?” you asked, glaring at him and rubbing the back of your head.

“I was just reminding you who is in charge here.” Without another word, Spy leaned in to kiss your now exposed neck. You shivered, feeling him suck the skin hard before pressing his lips tenderly against the new red mark. He was going to leave bruises, you were certain of it.

With a huff, you pulled away, feeling his hold on your hair loosen enough for you to move. “Fine,” you said, turning around to face the desk again. You leaned over, bracing yourself on your elbows and swaying your hips subtly. “Go on, take charge, Sir.”

Spy laughed, but you also caught the slightest hitch in his breath. You knew he loved it when you referred to him with such authority. A well placed ‘Yes sir’ was a weakness of his that you often took advantage of. Your pants and underwear were quickly yanked down, leaving your lower half exposed. You held back a whimper as Spy began to caress your still very sore ass.

“Such a lovely red,” he said, speaking as if he was admiring a work of art. You had no doubt the red he spoke of was akin to the hue adorning your face as well. You leaned your forehead on the desk, hoping the coolness of the wood would ease the flush.

It was only when you felt a finger prodding at you that you lifted your head. Your eyes went wide and you almost laughed when you realized the finger was noticeably slick. “What the hell?” you said, realizing what the substance was. “Do you just happen to carry lube on you at all times?”

Your question was me with a soft chuckle. Spy leaned over, placing the bottle right next to you upon the desk. Sure enough, it was small enough to easily fit within the pockets of his suit jacket. “With a lover as ravenous as you, one must be prepared.” His touch left you and you heard him moan as he slickened his cock, pumping it a few times before lining up to your entrance. You tried to grind against him, but he pulled away with a huff. “Control yourself, darling.”

He pushed in at a painfully slow pace. When he finally hilted inside you he stopped, holding himself there. His hands wandered from your hips up to your waist. You squirmed and whined. “Come on, move! Move, please!” The grip on your waist tightened, and you went quiet.

“This is the kind of behavior that we just dealt with, my dear. I won’t say it again- be patient.” You scowled, mostly because you knew he was right. He was giving you time to adjust. The last thing you needed was to hurt yourself. That was a type of injury you most certainly wouldn’t want to explain to Medic.

So, you muffled your complaints, biting your knuckles until you felt Spy begin to reward your display of restraint. His hands tightened around your waist again, but not in warning. It turned out you just made for great leverage as he began to thrust faster. “Fuck,” you gasped, feeling his hips smack against your ass.

“You’re still sensitive.” Spy ground his hips against you, making you whimper. “But you enjoy how it feels, don’t you? The pain mingled with the pleasure. You enjoyed being spanked.”

You opened your mouth to respond, but all that came out was a scream when another swat suddenly came down on your ass. You clamped your hands over your mouth in shock, certain that if anyone was nearby, perhaps even down the hall outside the smoking room, they would have heard you.

“Oh my, who knew you could make a sound like that?” Spy said. You could practically hear the smirk on his face from the way he spoke. “My very own bratty little masochist. I should have known you would like this.”

He was going faster. You weren’t even sure when he began to speed up, or when you had laid out flat against the desk. At some point your arms had buckled under you, leaving your cheek pressed against the hardwood. You hoped you weren’t drooling too much. That would be even more embarrassing than the high pitched shrieks that followed every fresh swat that Spy delivered. It was so much more intense without the barrier of clothing in the way.

After a while, even the embarrassment began to fade. You felt high on the pleasure, high on the pain. You weren’t sure which you liked better. Perhaps it was the combination of the two contrasting sensations that created this unique, foggy, dream-like state you found yourself in. You never wanted to lose this feeling. Your whole body was beginning to feel hot, overwhelmingly hot, and a familiar, tight coiling in your stomach signaled that your climax was fast approaching. All good things must come to an end at some point.

You clawed uselessly at the desk, scrambling for purchase on anything within your reach until Spy’s hands clamped around your wrists, pinning them. “Try not to scratch up my desk, love.”

“Spy, I’m close!” You weren’t even sure if Spy would be able to understand you through your moans. “Fuck, I’m so close, please!”

“Do you think you deserve it?”

Spy’s response stumped you, and you began to stammer. “What? What do you mean?”

“You heard me, darling. I already warned you, I will not repeat myself.”

You shuddered. Spy’s pace had slowed again. He was keeping you right on the edge. Your body screamed for release, but even now, you knew it was a release that you hadn’t earned. “I don’t,” you sobbed. “I don’t deserve it, but I can be good! I’ll earn it, just please, please let me come, sir!” The words coming out of your mouth should have humiliated you, but you didn’t care. All you cared about was that promised blissful feeling that was being held just out of arm's reach, so close you could practically taste it.

“At least you are capable of honesty.” You barely noticed the tremble in Spy’s voice, the barest hint that he wouldn’t last much longer like this either. “Go on, you can stop holding back, mon ange.”

His words were like the pulling of a trigger. Your body shuddered beneath him. It took a moment for you to realize that elated, keening noise you heard was coming from your own throat. Spy’s grip held steadfast even as you strained against him, trying to squirm and writhe. Tears pricked at your eyes as your climax overwhelmed you. Your legs trembled, threatening to buckle as Spy continued to rut into your spent body without pause, chasing his own release. Mercifully, he finished soon after you, albeit much softer. He moaned against your ear, leaning his weight upon you for a few moments until you groaned, having been essentially squished against the hard surface of the desk.

“Ah, my apologies, love.” Spy got off of you, being exceedingly careful as he withdrew. You were trembling so much that he was certain you would collapse without his support. “Steady now,” he cautioned as you slowly sat up and took a few shaky steps away from the desk, leaning heavily on him.

“Fuck,” you sighed. “That was really good.”

Spy chuckled. You were never the most articulate person post-orgasm, but you were certainly the most honest. He pulled you in for a quick kiss, feeling your lips curve upward, smiling against him. “Darling, you enjoyed that far too much for it to be considered a proper punishment.”

Your face fell. “Oh. Do I need to have a ‘proper punishment’ now?”

Spy thought for a moment before coming to a decision. “Non. I believe a different method may improve your behavior much quicker.” He leaned in, his breath tickling your neck and sending a shiver down your spine. “If you promise to keep your focus in battle, I’ll fuck and spank you like that after every victory. Does that sound reasonable?”

You had to keep yourself from outright moaning at the very thought. A deep breath steadied your nerves just enough for you to respond with a nervous laugh. “Every night? I don’t know if I can manage that.” Oh, but you wanted to try. You very much wanted to try.

Spy smirked, reading you like a book. “Such an eager little thing. You will manage just fine.” He kissed your forehead before swatting your sore ass one last time, appreciating the way you yelped and practically jumped into his arms on instinct. “I have every confidence in you, petite fleur.”

[luvrrgirl444]

chapter 14: genius

IRL, INSTAGRAM!

“hi, y/n and i’m here today with genius to explain the lyrics of my song ‘kill bill’.” you smiled at the camera.

“so, fun fact about kill bill is that it actually only took about 6 hours to produce. i, uh-” you laughed. “i saw this thing online and it made me feel some type of way, and i was like ‘i need to release what i feel right now.’ so, i took out my songbook and went crazy. i called up my friend jean, my producer, and i was crying,” you laughed again, and made a phone gesture with your hand and brought it up to your ear. “and i was like, ‘bro i just wrote these lyrics, can we make a song right now?’ and we did, in like 6 hours.”

VERSE 1

i’m still a fan even though i was salty

hate to see you with some other broad, know you happy

hate to see you happy if i’m not the one driving

“the person that this song is about is actually also an artist, and he’s actually really talented. so basically, i was saying that even though i hate that nigga,” you stuck up your middle finger. “he’s still a great artist, unfortunately. the next two lines are literal, uh, about a month, maybe a month and a half after we broke up, he was posted up with another girl. which was honestly really shitty because he broke up with me to ‘focus on his music’” you quirked your eyebrow and used quotation marks. “basically this whole song is about me being a jealous heartbroken bitch.” you sarcastically smiled.

PRE-CHROUS

i’m so mature, i’m so mature

i’m so mature, got me a therapist to tell me there’s other men

i don’t want none, i just want you

if i can’t have you, no one should

i might

“i was tryna convince myself that i was strong, and that this wasn’t hurting me as much as i thought it was, but it definitely was. literally wrote a whole muthafucking song about it.” you laughed. “we we’re dating for a long ass time to be honest, so with the ‘i don’t want none, i just want you’ lyric, it’s basically saying that i’ve been with you for so fucking long, it’s always been you, how am i supposed to move on, y’know? it’s lowkey corny but yeah. the last lyric is very um, yandere simulator vibes but it relates to the theme of the song, which is like jealousy and vengeance and possession.” you put your hands up. “don’t worry y’all, i’m not a criminal.”

CHORUS

i might kill my ex, not the best idea

his new girlfriend's next, how'd i get here?

i might kill my ex, i still love him though

rather be in jail than alone

“i can explain y’all, i’m not a killer or a criminal but imma be real, i was definitely having some intrusive thoughts. but everyone does. like, anyone who says they’ve never had thoughts about hurting someone that did them dirty, or fucked with them, they’re fucking lying, 100%. and relating to what i said before, we were together for so long. no matter how much i try to deny, the love is still there. it’s been built up for years, as much as i want to, i can’t magically forget it overnight.”

you continued on with singing the lyrics and explaining them until you completely finished the entire song.

“kill bill was an impulsive creation and release. we recorded and finished the song in like 6 hours, and i was like ‘i want to release this today’” you pointed downwards. “but everyone told me no.” you rolled your eyes. “so i asked when was the soonest we could release it, and it was like in 2 days. so the next day i posted on instagram saying that i was releasing a song tomorrow and that was it. there was no promo for it, which is why i’m so fucking shocked that it did so well. but, thank you to my fans, friends and family, i love you all. stream kill bill, album coming soon, bye!” you blew a kiss to the camera, before smiling and making heart with your hands.

liked by erenjaeger, latto & 588,087 others

y/nsinterlude kill bill interview w @genius out neowwww!! go run it up 🫣🫣🤍

comments

erenjaeger whole lotta yip whole lotta yap

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y/nsbby ALBUM COMING SOON? HOW SOON IS SOON GIRL??

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⤷ y/nsinterlude im the realest i love u too 🤍

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shyshiloh i just died 😵😵

⤷ y/nsinterlude i’ll revive u bae 😘

user182 not u still in love with that sick man..

⤷ y/nsinterlude I DID NOT SAY THAT SHIT

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⤷ y/nsinterlude bitch u did NOT js say that

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view 86.7k others..

🦋 !

- this chapter is fr just a whole lotta yapping but 🫣🫣

taglist! <3 @lovelytayy @cyberkitty1 @sqlty @cr0quis @koreluvsspring @asp7n @lottiematthewsceo @shidousmainluvr @idontknowwhatnametochoosee @drugzforyou @astrokatsuki @crvzy-fujoshi @ncentic @ilyconnie @stellartoi @bubbabobabubbles @tee4str

[theflagscene]

15 People, 15 Questions

I was tagged by @belladonna-and-the-sweetpeas and @visualtaehyun 💖

Sorry it took so long for me to do this lol.

1 - Are you named after anyone?

Nope, my nickname as a child was after my grandfather though, but my actual name my auntie picked for me because she said it matched my older sister’s name well, that we ‘sounded like sisters’ with those two names.

2 - When was the last time you cried?

Like half an hour ago, one of my cats passed away last night, so it’s been a crying type of day and night.

3 - Do you have kids?

No, my niece and nephew are the closest things I’ve ever had to children.

4 - What sports do you play/have you played?

I don’t play sports anymore, but when I was young I was quite sporty. I was on the travel co-ed soccer team, I also did shot put and gymnastics as well as played badminton and volleyball.

5 - Do you use sarcasm

Yes, and I’ve been told that apparently it’s defence mechanism. Who would’ve thunk it 🤷‍♀️

6 - What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Their height, their hair, their eyes, their hands/nails.

7 - What’s your eye colour?

Brown

8 - Scary movie or happy endings?

As a long time horror hound, scary movies all the way. I’ve been into the horror genre for as long as I can recall, although when it comes to my own writing, I tend to go for happy endings.

9 - Any talents?

Like, weird party trick talents? Cause I don’t have a gag reflex, which weirdly enough is a party trick. But only if I’m hanging out with lesbians or heterosexuals, gay guys are not impressed by someone not having a gag reflex lol!

10 - Where were you born?

Canada 🇨🇦

11 - What are your hobbies?

Currently, nothing really. I was recently diagnosed with anhedonia, which is a side effect of depression and other mental health issues. It causes a lack of joy and enthusiasm with life experiences in general, but also a lack of interest in your hobbies. But let’s pretend I’m not dealing with that atm, so my usual hobbies are/were video games, reading, crocheting, writing, nail art and makeup.

12 - Do you have any pets?

Yes, one dog and two cats.

13 - How tall are you?

Five foot, eight inches.

14 - What was your favourite subject in school?

History, english literature, biology.

15 - What is your dream job?

I’ve wanted to be a writer since I was a child, but I’m not actually sure if I want to turn something that I (typically) enjoy into work. I honestly don’t know what my dream job is, at this point any job would be good because of how insane the cost of living has gotten.

I’m not sure who has and hasn’t done this, so I’m just going to tag 15 random mutuals. By all means, you may ignore this ☺️ @mssecretplace @izayashu @usodeshou @jae-o15 @hypegirlglitzy @alienbi @sandrayy @bunnakit @jdotsodomite @quokka97 @kennyomegasweave @oh-goodness-loki @hearts-burden @brazilian-whalien52 @non-binarypal7

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

More Peacock and Gamble radio updates. Another post where I don't think anyone should read it, I don't think anyone will read it, and that combined with the fact that I'm tired means I can't be bothered to edit (not that I usually do proper editing of this blog, but I'm usually slightly careful and give it a quick glance over, haven't done that here), it's probably unreadable. I really am almost done with them now.

I have two episodes left of the Peacock & Gamble FUBAR Radio show, and Jesus Fucking Christ, did that ever escalate. Or the opposite of escalate. Devolve. It definitely did something. I checked today, the combined length of all the video and audio files in my Peacock & Gamble (plus some solo Peacock stand-up) folder. 196 hours in total. 196 hours worth of files, all nicely labeled and organized into sub-folders – honestly, the admin on this one took ages. 196 hours and I’ve watched or listened to all of it except six, the last two 3-hour radio episodes. I have to get them done.

I’ve been saying that for several days now. Things started really escalating/devolving around episode 14, and since then I’ve said I don’t care what else comes up, I’m not doing anything besides listen to this (except, you know, the things I have to do for a living, and annoyingly my work chose this week to decide I’m going to be 8-6 for three days in a row) until I get to the end and can be free of this madness. Several days ago I got to download ten new stand-up shows by different people, all of which I’m very excited to hear especially with my trip to Edinburgh coming up so soon, but I haven’t listened to any of them yet because there’s a radio show collapsing and I have to know how it ends. Which is a weird motivation to have, since I do know how it ends. Badly, for everyone. They leave the radio station and never speak to each other again (that's a slight exaggeration, and also Ray did go back to the radio station later, I think once a number of things were more stable). I don’t know what kind of ending I’m hoping I’ll get to. But at the moment it’s like reading a book that’s in the middle of its most chaotic and climactic part, I can’t just put it down.

I also stopped writing update posts after every episode as I’d been doing for a while, because 1) I didn’t want to stop listening long enough to do anything else, including write about it, and 2) did I mention that my hours are too long and I need a new job? Things aren’t going well on that front, by the way. It’s fine, I’ve got some audio from 2014 to distract me. Anyway here’s an update on the last few episodes.

They’ve found a new enemy. I've said before that they always do well when they have an enemy. Raji James. Listeners who will be cool about getting abused. Guests whom they either genuinely or pretend to dislike. Horrible controversial talk show hosts on their own network. Grocery store chains. Picking on each other was funnier back when they had less genuine tension between them, and in the 2014 run, they’ve been mainly getting by on finding outlets besides each other where they can direct their combativeness. But they have now, finally, found the final boss of Peacock & Gamble enemies: FUBAR Radio and all its management and production staff.

I think episode 14 was the first one where Ray Peacock was actively trying to get fired. There were a lot of episodes before that when he certainly didn’t seem to mind whether he got fired or not. But also, there wasn’t a lot of danger of that, because this station was clearly going hard on marketing itself as uncensored and controversial, so the more Ray Peacock flouted rules of radio, the more he played into what they wanted, letting them brag about being shocking and dangerous. Which was all right until they started using that angle to promote genuinely dangerous stuff like racist and misogynist talk show hosts, even happening to specifically choose one who had a negative personal history with Ray Peacock, which, shockingly, did not seem to be something he took in stride, when it got thrown at him in the middle of a severe mental health breakdown. Again, it is like someone wrote this as a movie. If I ever found out this whole thing was scripted, I would be incredibly impressed with everyone involved, and believe they all deserved awards. As it is, I’m still very impressed, but for very different reasons, and definitely none of them deserve awards for it.

I know Ray Peacock has said since that he and Ed had decided a while beforehand that they just wouldn’t go back after Edinburgh, that they’d been thinking of leaving for a while, so by June and July of that year, they had to have both stopped factoring in a future at that radio station into their career-based plans. Ray Peacock also mentioned in that episode that he was previewing his Here Comes Trouble show, and it would be a perfect ending if he could close on a story about how he managed to find a way to get fired from uncensored radio. I’ve heard that show – a couple of versions, in fact – and yeah, as absolutely brilliant a show as it ended up being, it would have been even better with an ending like that. Perfectly on theme. Would have wrapped it all up nice. Would have required rejigging the emotional tone a bit, but I’m sure he could have managed.

So I’m pretty sure he was actively looking for loopholes in the term “uncensored”, things you’re not allowed to do even there. Started going out for cigarettes during the show, which he’d done a bit before but had at least tried to be subtle about it. After the escalation, he took a phone call from the listener, immediately said he needs to go for a smoke and then hung up on the guy, and walked out of the room, leaving Ed Gamble there alone, who couldn’t even put a song on because he didn’t know how to work the desk, and who clearly hadn’t been warned that this would happen. You’re definitely not supposed to do that. I’m not a radio expert but I don’t think you’re supposed to do that.

He started slagging off the producers, which had also been there from the beginning but there was a sharp shift when it went from fun banter to much harsher (I don't think he genuinely hated the actual people who were producing the show, they were proxies for other people who mismanaged things, but he did a very convincing impression of someone who hated the actual people in the room). Went from picking fights with the talk show host personally, to (still doing that but also) talking shit about the management as a whole, of the station that would choose to hire that guy. Oh, and at the same time they hired Katie Price on a different show, so he went off about that too.

I do get the impression that this happened across a backdrop of a radio station genuinely in shambles, that he wasn’t making all of that up. Richard Herring and a couple of other respectable comedian presenters had left, they were replaced with people who’d been hired only for shock value. They’ve said since (and made a couple of references to it at the time as well) that they weren’t getting paid on time or at all, either. And it also sounds like there was a bunch of genuine incompetence in how things were run, like guests not being booked properly, though I assume it was actually the fault of higher up people, and Ray was yelling at production staff for effect. I get the impression that the whole thing may have been an early version of that thing that came into fashion around the mid-2010s, of people saying “We don’t need to follow the rules and prioritize people who know what they’re doing, let’s be controversial mavericks!” and then it turns out that there’s actually a reason why other radio stations secure stable funding and ensure basic things like guest booking go smoothly. Obviously this is just my guess based on knowing very little. But there only a few different stories that just play out over and over, and that’s one of them.

In the fourth and final season of The Ray Peacock Podcast, Ray said things had fallen apart at the end because “it happened for real”. In early days of the podcast they made jokes about how Raji James had fucked everything up and his life had fallen apart. By the end of the podcast, he’d been evicted from his house for real, and those jokes felt a lot more immediate. It does feel slightly like a larger-scale version of that happened across the whole 196 hours of Peacock & Gamble that I’ve dug up. In the early Ray Peacock Podcast days, Ray was playing a guy who was always a dangerous wildcard in a social situation, will test the limits of how far fucking with people is allowed to go. But it was all carefully constructed, they’d run it by Raji beforehand, when they sounded at their most out of control was when they were actually hitting cues to make sound effects.

Some years later, Ray Peacock is pulling out some of his old favourite things, but this time messing with listeners who had obviously not been briefed the way Raji James was. There were two or three points where he was making listeners do stuff that was at least as bad as most of the Raji stuff, but without any warning, unless the listeners were very good actors (like I said, if it ever turns out this was all scripted, give them all awards). I mean, obviously the listeners would have called in knowing something like that might happen. But probably not the extent of it, as he seemed to pick his moments at random. Also, there is definitely a sense that Ray Peacock had gone from playing a guy who was a dangerous social wild card to actually being that guy.

There were a couple of points where I found myself wondering, to quote Ed Gamble’s catchphrase of the day… “Is that all right?” Like, for real. Assuming this wasn’t all a brilliantly scripted satire on something or other, Ray Peacock clearly just should not have been on the radio while in that mental state. I’m thinking of the Pierre Novellie material about whether it’s unethical to laugh at a comedian when the reason they’re funny is that they’re just speaking the thoughts of a person with a mental health condition (“It is not illegal to hire a man with severe OCD as a cleaner”). And to be clear, through all of this, Ray Peacock remained incredibly funny. But there were definitely times – a few specific times – when I laughed, and then felt like I maybe shouldn’t be laughing at this. Not even at his really dark jokes about his own suicidal tendencies or things like that – I’m fine with dark jokes, when they’re made by the person affected (instead of at the expensive of that person). I’m thinking of times when he did stuff on air that was funny but also a genuinely bad idea, and was clearly happening because his mental health had deteriorated to the point where impulse control had eroded to nothing – and that isn’t me armchair diagnosing a stranger, it’s the thing he explained in his stand-up show had happened – and laughing at that didn’t feel entirely okay. Even if it was funny. Which it was, every time.

In all of this, there was maybe one instance when he crossed the line, in my mind, into genuinely unlikeable. It was a quite small instance that lasted about two minutes, and that’s pretty good, I think, that I still found him likeable for all but two minutes of those many hours, despite being in the middle of that bad a breakdown. Though I have frequently found other comedians very likeable, when I’ve been told that others find them unlikeable for being too bitter or competitive or combative or whatever else, so other people’s standards may vary. Hell, there are people who thought Ed Gamble was too harshly combative in the Taskmaster era, not realizing that that’s Ed Gamble with the edges sanded off. You should have seen him a few years earlier, he did a lot worse than yell at David Baddiel a bit.

Which brings me to the next topic of this post. I can hardly believe that I spent my posts about the first few episodes of this radio show complaining that Ed Gamble was being too professional, playing the straight man role too much. When Ray Peacock went totally off the rails in later episodes, far from stopping him, Ed Gamble went hard the other way. In fact, there were a couple of times when Ray was off about something and I found myself thinking… “Okay, Ed, this might actually be the time to get in there. I know I wanted you to let him go before, but that’s when he was singing over Muppet songs, not asking listeners to call in with stories about their suicide attempts. Maybe it’s time to play straight man?” But that’s not fair, is it? For me to complain about Ed when he reins Ray in and then to complain when he doesn’t. So I’ll be fair to Ed Gamble and say that, to his credit, from about episode 12 onwards, he was relentlessly on board with anything Ray came up with. I got the impression at some point that Ray had started trying to do things that would make Ed stop him, and Ed didn’t blink. Ray makes an horrifying joke about his intention to commit suicide? Ed says cool, let’s plan your fucking funeral. How dark do you want to go? Ray hangs up on a guest and leaves Ed alone in the studio with no warning? Ed says fine, he’ll call the guest back and abuse him for a bit and then create some chaos with two phone lines at once. He’d spent enough years learning how to do it.

Okay, there was one time when Ray Peacock got angry at the producers because the guest didn’t turn up, so he retaliated by making them come into the studio and have an in-depth discussion about pedophilia, and Ed Gamble hung back a bit and sort of tried to subtly get them off the subject. But even then, he wasn’t forceful about it. He pretty much just let it happen.

And in fact, there were times when Ed seemed to be trying to one-up Ray in this game of who can push things the farthest, which was a futile effort but shows a change in him that he even gave it a shot. There was only one occasion when he succeeded, after all those times of it being the other way around. I guess I won’t get too detailed about what they were doing, but it ended in Ray slowing down and then Ed suddenly took it a step farther, causing Ray to crack up a bit, briefly come out of character, and tell him, “Mate, stop it. You’re on telly. You can lose things, I can’t.” Which was 1) weirdly adorable in a way I can’t explain, and 2) a pretty good summary of the entire situation.

Ed's also started going a lot harder on the sort of "old school, Lee Mack-style quick comebacks or wordplay" thing. It's a skill I didn't really know he had, at least to that extent. I've heard him do it a little bit in more recent stuff, but not nearly as much as that. He was pretty good at it, as Ray started acknowledging on air in the episode just after the one that caused me to point it out in a previous post, and I was pleased to have the confirmation that I was right to think this was a sudden change in Ed, one worth remarking. Ray made some joke about how Ed got one TV show and then immediately started talking like a guy who had a team of Mock the Week quip writers working for him, which I'd guess might be pretty much what happened (not that he actually had writers, obviously, but that the sudden interest in honing the quip-making skill may have come from moving up to be a panel show candidate soon). As the episodes went on, Ed occasionally went overboard with it to the point of being a bit annoying, but it was funny most of the time, I thought.

He's rebelling hard against both the "sidekick" and "straight man" roles. Trying to be the joke maker, bringing the attention back to himself more, when in some previous iterations of their work (ie. the Edinburgh interviews from 2012 and 2013), Ed often faded into the background while Ray took on the guests. And Ed was also trying to be the guy who can go off the rails just as hard as Ray Peacock, which is, as I said, futile. But he gave it a hell of a try.

They had a couple of interesting discussions, during their radio run, about how Ed Gamble is good at doing tour support because he can just keep a night moving along at a decent pace and not pull too much focus, while Ray couldn't do that job because he'll always change a room. I guess a skill like that might be the sort of thing that could win a guy an award for being the best compere. Ray pointed out that he can't be bad at that skill because he also does a lot of compering work, and TV warm-up. But I'm pretty sure they do it very differently. Ed seems very good at moving a show along professionally, and he's also good, at separate times, at being very silly and getting on board with the terrible yet funny ideas. On the other hand, Ray is very good at steering a show while simultaneously appearing to be incredibly unprofessional and out of control. He doesn't appear to know what he's doing, but the show does get steered where it's supposed to go, so clearly Ray is doing something right underneath it all. Except the times when that doesn't happen because he's too far into a genuine breakdown to be in control of anything, secretly or otherwise. And at those times, either Ed steps up and tries to run the show but that throws off the balance because he does it too straight, or he doesn't do that and the show just goes off the rails. I prefer the latter.

Anyway, the point is that I think Ed Gamble did eventually accept being the guy who doesn't change the room when he's in it. I think he must have. Because I know Off Menu is a wildly popular podcast with a lot of deeply obsessed fans, and I know a lot of those fans have dug into everything James Acaster has ever done. But even those fans cannot be doing the same thing with Ed Gamble, because if the younger Off Menu fans had dug up Ed Gamble's back catalogue, they'd have cancelled him by now. Since all this is out there, easy to find. Of those 196 hours in my Peacock & Gamble folder, a few of them are old live shows and podcast extras/behind the scenes stuff, that I got access to on Patreon. But the actual podcast episodes are all right there on Fourble for free, and easy to download. The radio episodes are all archived on the FUBAR site.

There are some things I write about on this blog that I've accessed via varying levels of secret things - sketchy free streaming or download sites that can be found by anyone who knows where to look but shouldn't be talked about too much to avoid getting them in trouble, private discord servers, and personal connections where I get sent files directly (putting it that way makes me sound way more connected than I am - I have exactly one connection of that sort, but it's a really good one, I got incredibly lucky). But I cannot emphasize enough how much I needed to use none of that to find Ed Gamble's back catalogue. It's all there in public. A bit of it is locked in a Patreon account that people can access fully for $2 if they want to (I paid a bit more than that and will keep my subscription for a while, I'm enjoying the content and figure I owe him for all the free entertainment, but someone could access it all for almost no money), but most of it's free. Free and easy to find. Oh, I grabbed a few little extra things off YouTube, too. Also free. Some of the oldest podcast episodes are also on YouTube, in addition to Fourble. And despite that, no one is digging them up these days.

That veered off topic for a bit, but the point is that it was interesting to hear Ed Gamble talk about how he knows he's rarely the most interesting comedian in a room, that's what makes him good at compering and tour support and straight man roles. However, for a while on this 2014 radio show, he seemed to be trying hard to change that, to stand out more (it's tough to be the most interesting comedian in the room when you're next to Ray Peacock - not an easy feat with James Acaster either, actually). I think Ed's given up, since then, on changing that. He's still not the guy who makes fans interested enough in him to dig up everything he's ever done, even though he's doing very popular stuff with a lot of fans right now. But it might be in his interests to keep it that way. That risk might be the sort of thing that could make a guy write a book that covers the history of his life and doesn't mention a massive part of seven years of it.

Back on topic, here's another thing I noticed in the later FUBAR Radio episodes - the guests are a good barometer for how much funnier the show got as it went along. In the first few episodes, I found myself looking forward to when the guest would show up, because the Peacock & Gamble interactions felt a bit stilted, and the guest breathed some life into it. Past episode 10 or so, I tended to forget a guest was coming until they actually turned up, and when they did, it annoyed me a bit, because I'm finding Peacock & Gamble so funny that I just want to hear more of them, without anyone else to dilute their dynamic. With the exception of when Sara Pascoe and John Robins turned up in episode 15, which was a really nice interview that was a welcome break from the entire show collapsing around them. This was actually the second time I heard that interview, as I first heard it earlier in 2024 when I was doing my intensive dive into everything John Robins has ever done (like I said, I've dedicated all of 2024 so far to comedians who've been fired as warm-up acts for Deal or No Deal). I think I said at the time that the interview felt chaotic and unprofessional (in a good way) - obviously because I listened to it while listening to the Elis and John XFM/Radio X catalogue, so I compared it to that. Turns out that when I hear it in the context of other Peacock & Gamble stuff, it sounds like a downright pleasant chat.

I like that Ray Peacock appears to appreciate narrative parallels. He'd spent most of the years since the end of The Ray Peacock Podcast using references to that extremely sparingly (in his podcast and radio stuff, obviously, I don't know what he was doing live, though I know the Peacock & Gamble Edinburgh/tour shows stayed away from it almost entirely). Then, late in the radio run, at what they had to know was the end of the Peacock & Gamble saga, Ray started mentioning Raji James a bunch. They even tried to call him live on air in episode 17, but he didn't answer. There was some material about Raji James in Ray's Edinburgh show that year, so I guess that was on his mind while he was previewing it. But it meant the Peacock & Gamble saga came full circle on a few things, besides just the obvious "this started with Ray Peacock playing a wildly out-of-control combative character, and then he had a breakdown and became that for real".

Starting in episode 15, I think, Ray pulled out the extreme childish voice that he used to use on the Peacock & Gamble podcast, that I hadn't heard in anything from the several years since then. It came out at a point in the episode when he and Ed had both really run out of steam, there was no energy in the room, and Ray suddenly decided to just start yelling like a five-year-old. Ed quickly got on board and followed suit, and I started laughing too hard on the bus again, because fucking hell I forgot how funny that was (weird that I'd forgotten a bit because it hadn't been long for me, since I've speedrun Peacock & Gamble, but still, it feels like 100 years ago that they were doing that). He brought it back out a couple of times in the next couple of episodes. He even threw in a quick "petrol" in one bit, and the words "or drink!" into a separate bit, both major catchphrases from their old podcast. Quick, blink-and-you'll-miss-it references.

There was also a parallel that I assume was unintentional, in that in one of the very first Peacock & Gamble episodes, one of the first really big laughs that podcast got from me was Ray suddenly asking Ed, "Should we just fuck this off?", and explaining how they could get McDonald's instead of recording a podcast and that would be more fun. I immediately thought of that at the point, late in the FUBAR Radio run five years later, when Ray Peacock announced that he'd had enough of all this bullshit and was ready to walk out live on air and never come back. He asked Ed if Ed would go with him if he did that, and Ed actually hesitated for a fraction of a second - after several weeks of admirably managing to get on board without hesitation no matter what Ray threw at him - before saying that yep, he'd walk out right then if Ray did. Ray then started yelling at the producers in the room, asking if anyone wanted to leave with him, and there was a clear understanding that he wasn't joking, he'd been ready to quit for a while and had genuinely decided this could be the moment. It was tense to listen to, so very different from Ray and Ed just sitting in Ray's house and giggling about the idea of blowing off a podcast recording to go to McDonald's. Then a distraction happened and they did not, in fact, walk out. But I have no doubt that he was serious about being close to doing it.

I thought I'd post a clip to illustrate some of it - this happened after Ray had already declared he was ready to walk out of the studio and never come back because of the incompetence/other problems at the radio station. They'd mentioned earlier in the episode that they'd been given trailers for various FUBAR shows and been asked to play them, and Ray decided to pull them out while he was on the phone with a listener who'd called in. She didn't want to hear the Justin Lee Collins trailer, and understandably so (I have listened to nearly all 196 hours of Peacock & Gamble, but the one bit of it I found myself nearly - not quite, but nearly - skipping was their half-hour guest spot on Justin Lee Collins' show, because my God, is that man ever annoying), but then Ray worked out that there was a Peacock & Gamble trailer in there, and... yeah, I don't blame them for wanting to walk out on the spot.

So that's the level of being fucking done with it all that they got to, when there were still three episodes left. Things have seriously devolved. And I have to get to the end. I have to finish the last couple of episodes before I do anything else, so I may be free of this Godforsaken story. Also it's still very funny and I don't want to stop listening to it.

Well this post got long. I need to go to bed. On a lighter note, I've been greatly enjoying the music they play. I've downloaded a few songs that I heard on this show, plus have been listening to Jonathan Coulton again. I didn't need to download his stuff as I already have lots, I was really into him since high school, but I forgot about him for years, and appreciate Ray Peacock reminding me of Coulton's existence. That's been fun.

Here, let's end this post on a positive note. Since writing this has felt weirdly bleak, for a post about an incredibly funny radio show that's been hugely entertaining me all week (the difference is that when you hear it play out on the radio show, it's done by comedians who are constantly interspersing it with comedic bits - if you just describe what happened without doing comedy, it doesn't sound fun). And I've managed to stay mostly on topic for almost this entire post, so why not end it by going off topic and telling you about my high school music taste? I've always found this song genuinely, unironically inspirational (they haven't even played this one on the radio, they've played deeper cuts, and I like his deep cuts, but with Jonathan Coulton, my favourite is the obvious):

[reasonablerodents]

Kinktober: Week 2 Roundup

Week 2 is here, and this time things took a generally darker tone- which, in all honesty, was to be completely expected from me. Again, thank you to everyone who talked to me about this on discord, helped me sort out my ideas, encouraged me to write wild shit, and everything else!

Have fun with over 14k of Hotchreid smut, courtesy of me xxx (I honestly have no idea how I’ve managed to write so much)

As before, there are three additional tags listed here to give more of the general vibe, but of course- check the actual Ao3 tags so you don’t get thrown off by anything!

Missed week one? Don’t worry, here it is.

Day 8 | This Is Us | Breeding

Established Relationship, A/B/O, Dirty Talk

Besides, Aaron had got Jack and Spencer had never really wanted pups of his own, too scared of the possibility of passing down hereditary illnesses.

But that didn’t mean that it wasn’t fun to pretend.

Aaron and Spencer indulge in their favourite fantasy.

**********

Day 9 | Only In Your Underwear | Dubcon

Underwear Theft, Masturbation, Dubious Morality

It just seemed so different, so out of character for the shy young man to wear something so bright. Maybe that’s why Hotch’s face was rapidly turning the same colour as Spencer’s briefs.

Hotch finds out that he has a new kink.

**********

Day 10 | In Love With A Feeling | Praise Kink

Sounding, Emotional Manipulation, Dom/Sub

Before he opens their front door, Hotch picks a package up from the mailbox. It isn’t really anything that Spencer should be suspicious about, but he knows that look on the older man’s face well, however much he tries to hide it.

Spencer knows he’s going to know the contents of that little cardboard box intimately by the end of the night.

Hotch wants Spencer to try something new. Spencer really isn’t too sure about it.

**********

Day 11 | Tender | Petplay

Bathing, Praise Kink, Bruises

‘Carefully, he peels himself away slightly from the almost vice-like grip that Spencer has on him, and speaks to him softly, using the tone he reserved only for when his pet had been particularly well-behaved.

“Come on puppy, let’s get you in the bath.”’

After a punishment, Hotch decides Spencer needs a reward for taking it so well.

**********

Day 12 | After Hours | Somnophilia

Non-Con, Coming In pants, Humiliation

‘The first thing that Hotch notices is that Spencer’s kicked his covers off, and is lying spread-eagled in only a pair of loose shorts and a faded t-shirt that’s ridden up, exposing his stomach. The second- and far more interesting- thing that he sees is what the younger man is doing.’

Spencer has no idea why he keeps waking up like this. Hotch, on the other hand, knows exactly why.

**********

Day 13 | Expectations | Size Difference

Penis Size, Degradation, Facials

‘Spencer wants to sink into the sofa and become one with the fabric. He should have mentioned it before it got to this point, but it was far too late now.’

Hotch finds out about something Spencer really didn’t want to mention. He’s not particularly kind about it.

**********

Day 14 | My Insatiable One | Orgasm Denial

Trans Man Aaron Hotchner, Daddy Kink, PIV Sex

Aaron’s hands stroke his partner’s back soothingly. “Well, you haven’t fucked me in a while, have you? And you did say you’re not completely motivated by orgasm, so I was thinking that we could test that out.”

Spencer’s eyes widen and he lets out a soft little moan at the idea. “You mean-“

Spencer is adamant that orgasm isn’t the only thing he cares about. Aaron tests out that theory.

[demonicsaintess]

The Most Pointless Mob Psycho 100 S2ep3 Rant Ever

warning: there’s a bit of spoilers here

Hello hello it’s me again, Holy~

So I’ve been binging Mob Psycho 100, because everyone started suddenly talking about it, and being the nosey bitch that I am…. I needed to get to it. So, of course I did. I spent about an hour writing this. I wanted to get this right. Especially since I felt some if the parallels lined up with my personal life experiences. So, it’s time to cut the cake.

*note, stuff that can be casually skipped over, will be written in orange

Damn this episode was a doozy.

Season 2 Episode 3: One Danger After Another ~Degeneracy~

I love Reigan. I really, really fucking love Reigan. He cares for Mob and is honestly a good mentor to him, although he himself is shady. He is seen as the one who is emotionally shaping, and raising Mob. I have issues with the way Reigan has been going about it though; and I don’t feel like that’s an unfair accusation. Like, sure, during the first season, he goes from lightly manipulating Mob, to taking notice of the effect of the actions he is making Mob take. Now in the second season, it seems as though he has now acknowledged that whether he wanted to or not, Mob has come to take his words as law; and Reigan is now a father figure to him. Here is the growth path it seems to be going down in my opinion. Now, I’m just speculating, but this season’s going to be a huge awakening for Reigan, to the fact that he has probably been the unconscious catalyst for a considerable amount of emotional turmoil to Shigeo’s adolescence . It’s almost laughable how Dimple can see it before Reigan. Yes, it may be because of underhanded motives, but to be fair, isn’t Reigan also using underhanded tactics? On the other hand though, I also see Reigan starting to become more honest; even if he doesn’t stop scamming. (Come on, we all know Reigan is stupidly good at cons; we love a bad bitch okay? Girl boss??) But I don’t see this season going further than this aspect regarding Reigan.

Mob on the other hand, I believe he has learned something about himself, each time he has exploded.

So, a little backstory. Once upon a time there was a little girl back in the 90s, who was diagnosed in the early days of mental health awareness, with ADHD; and eventually ended up with a final diagnosis 20 years later, of bipolar and schizophrenia, Trust me when I say, it took YEARS for me stabilize, with medicine. It was hard, scary, and way too much to have to deal with through my adolescent years; and I had a good, caring support system. Okay, end of flashback (phew).

This season has eerily similar undertones to the struggles I had faced, okay, scratch that; it’s screaming in my face; the similarities are quaking, alright? The most ironic thing I can say about this is, it’s fucking puberty my guys! Right now Mob is what? 14/15? That’s a really sensitive age for kids. Not to mention, imagine having the unfortunate issue of WHEN you reach emotional overload, you black out, and destroy things. Many mental illnesses come with loss of memory to outbursts, and even black out rages or mental breaks. When I was a child, I’d get so emotionally stressed where I’d sort of “go to sleep,” and it’d end with me “coming to” with myself, or others hurt; sometimes both. Mob is essentially experiencing that.

Mob is dealing with his emotions getting bigger, as he’s starting to try to be PART of the world now. He’s still desperately trying to keep control in the way he was taught: bottle it up. He went from trying to deny himself it felt like. Almost as if he didn’t consider himself as… anything. Almost feeling unfortunately born, but not wishing to leave the loose support system he does have. Everything he has learned about being a good person, unfortunately came from Reigan. Let me make this clear, I’m not shitting on Reigan. I actually love him. THEREFORE, being honest, I have to also fault him. I will give him back his points though for the following reason:

I think, being at the age where I would have children, I feel Reigan’s rule of don’t fight humans, is the smartest option for Shigeo. Think about it; at the end of episode 3, what did he say? “If I were to ever use my power to eradicate a person, is there anyone who would be able to stop me?” That’s a pretty heavy thing to have to think of around 14 years old. Mob is struggling emotionally this season. I can already see him having a breakdown. I hate to just bluntly say this, but I just have a bad feeling on episode 3, that is just steadily growing more gnawing. I feel like Shigeo starting to voice his opinion, and slowly learning to make his own boundaries and realizing his own morals, is also becoming his “undoing” of sorts. Acknowledging and learning about your emotions, and how to healthily cope with them, is honestly probably the most irresponsible to think a 14 year old to manage perfectly. Therefore, requiring a 14 year old boy to deal with situations where he has to make permanent decisions by himself (think the family of ghosts and whether to exorcise them “for the customers.”), is asking for way too much. I for one, think its super fucked up that he has to even think for one second about something like this, over his FOURTEEN YEAR OLD LITTLE BOY FEELINGS. (Thanks a fucking lot REIGAN).

I have a lot of hope for Shigeo this season. Just like little reporter girl said, “Mob-kun needs to grow much, much more.”

Thanks for reading yet another review by

The Holy Villainess~

[shippingfangirl013]

You know… even when you’re at your lowest, your dog is still going to be there to love you. (And so will your cat, or your horse… or your bird/reptile/rodent, whatever companion animal you may have)

They just know how to be there when you’re falling apart.

I’ve been having a really hard time lately, because this time of year is kind of consumed by grief for me. I’ve lost more people and animals between the months of January-April than I think should be possible, and Gavin, my best friend of 15 years, will have been gone for a year this month. It’s honestly at a point where I’ve been borderline suicidal, (to be clear I do not plan to leave this world nor have I attempted it in or plan to attempt it) but the thoughts just refuse to go away, and it’s been this way since I was 14… and I just get so tired of my own head making so much trouble, when it seems like other people don’t have this as a problem. . .

I ended up sobbing on the couch in my living room earlier today, because everything in my life feels like it’s falling apart. I graduated college and learned that I don’t even know myself, I’m 8 hours away from one of my best friends after 4 years of living together and 4 hours away from my other best friend that I lived with for 2 years…

I’m 22 and I feel like I have no time to get my shit together. It feels like I have a ticking timer for a bomb just rapidly tapping out the time I have left, as if once it goes off I’ll end up dead from the gallows.

I didn’t get into vet school and it’s been my dream since I was six years old, and to be honest, some days (okay; most days ) as of lately, I’ve just felt like giving up on that dream. It feels like nothing will ever get better and the ‘end goal’ for staying alive just always seems to merely get bumped up another few years. First it was 17, then it was 22, and now it’s 26.

It’s like walking around with this soul sucking pit right behind you, day after day, even though you do your best to ignore it.

(And god, I know that there are people far worse off than me, and I know that if I were in a position to, I would try and do my damndest to help them out. Because I’ve been there too… but I suppose this is my way of helping, just writing down what I’m dealing with because it might help someone else that needs to hear this.)

But I just wanted you all to know that in the middle of sobbing for thirty minutes, my dogs climbed up on the couch and started licking me, trying to get me to play with them. And when Bandit realized that I didn’t want to move, he shoved my phone out of my hand with his nose, and he laid down on my lap and chest to get me to try and ground myself… and he took a nap while I cried petting him.

And I just thought to myself, you know, I would really miss this… and I started bawling again, because that might have been one of the first genuinely positive thoughts I’ve had in over six months.

I really don’t know what humans did to deserve dogs and cats, but I’m really glad that companion animals exist because things may not be perfect, but at least my dogs and cats and horses (and chickens) still love me enough to have me around.

Honestly, I seriously, normally will not post this sort of thing, but just in case anyone else is struggling, you’re not alone 💛 (and I know if you’re struggling and reading this, you might be sick of hearing that… but coming from someone else who is absolutely going through it… We’re gonna be okay. Even if it sucks right now, even if you don’t want to be here, eventually we’ll be better… baby steps 💕)

And sometimes one positive thing can make it suck less… it won’t fix it, and everything may still be shitty, but it might suck less and your pet still loves you no matter what.

[literaturewithliz]

1. Rae, I like it.

2. It depends on what you define art as. If you define art as writing and literature, the yes, I am artistic.

3. No.

4. To help as many people as I can.

5. No, I do not.

6. I don’t play for a team, but I do enjoy archery.

7. My dad dying.

8. My aunt, I think.

9. Baking, I guess? I’ve been told I’m good at writing.

10. Haha, no.

11. Some are cute, some are cringe.

12. I ADORE READING!

13. Anne With an E, that’s it I think.

14. Kind of, yeah. I feel like a lot of people grab and go. I know it’s not anyones responsibility to follow people they do not want to follow, but asking for something, getting it, and liking it only to ignore the blog after? Especially if you ask for multiple things, it just seems kind of uncaring.

15. I never remember my dreams, I swear.

16. No.

17. I have eight dogs and one rabbit.

18. Yes, I am Christian.

19. Not at all.

20. Also not at all.

21. Biting my nails.

22. When someone mentions my weight. I feel like I’m being looked at under a microscope.

23. Girl: Jane Boy: Jordan

24. Lewis Tan, Will Poulter.

25. English

26. Considering I have eight, I chose dogs.

27. Discord, probably.

28. I asked to post their name, and they said they weren’t comfortable with that.

29. Me and my dad.

30. CHOCOLATE.

31. No. I feel terrified at the thought of going on a date.

32. Yes, I love them.

33. I spent half of my childhood half an hour away from the beach, so I’ve been swimming since I could walk, practically.

34. Probably read a lot of survival books and use my newfound knowledge to survive in the wild where zombies probably wouldn’t go.

35. I was recently diagnosed with depression, even though I know that’s been going on for years. I’m positive I have anxiety too, but haven’t been diagnosed for that.

36. No, they are divorced.

37. Yellow. But the light ones. Bright colors freak me out.

38. North America.

39. Taylor Swift, hands down.

40. I would like to think I could one day be good enough at writing to be famous for it, but I’m not sure I can actually picture it,

41. I like dresses, but don’t wear them as much as I’d like to.

42. Oooo hard one. But at the moment, it’s probably True Colors by Shuba.

43. Not really. It does if it’s a really detailed conversation, but not when it’s mentioned or the word is said.

44. Ten, I think.

45. Yes. Didn’t particularly enjoy it.

46. No.

47. Also no.

48. Depends on what it’s about.

49. When I was like, 7, I went to a water park, and was just playing around when I met a girl who I thought looked a lot like me best friend. It took me about fifteen minutes to realize that it was, in fact, my best friend.

50. Meh. Tuesdays are usually just really slow.

51. I guess I was. I’m always told that I was cute, anyways.

52. No.

53. Twirling my hair.

54. No. But I have been tempted,

55. The birth certificate says blue, but they like to change from blue to green to sometimes grey whenever they feel like it so.

56. Rabbits.

57. Ooooo many times. Many, many times.

58. I have a great relationship with my dad. My relationship with my mother could use some improvement.

59. I have like, one good friend. (Not counting online friends.)

60. I have an uncle who is gay, and a cousin who is bisexual.

61. English.

62. The Good Doctor, Anne With an E, Shadow and Bone, and others.

63. I’m not really organized except for my notebooks.

64. I honestly can’t remember. I don’t watch a lot of movies.

67. Diana Barry, from Anne With an E.

68. I let what people think about me affect me. Even if I don’t have a clue what they are thinking.

69. Traveling, going to bookshops all around the world.

70. I would try harder to stop stressing so much.

71. Literally everything. I’d probably be better at focusing in class.

72. I would watch what I eat, and watch how I weigh. I’d also stop myself from being a people pleaser.

73. Depends on the loved one and the law.

74. Last summer.

75. How messy my room is atm.

76. I’m really trying hard to study for my final exams.

77. A chef, a lawyer, a veterinarian, lots of things.

78. My sanity. I like things to have order and be scheduled.

79. I don’t speak up for myself, especially when I really need to. Too many times to just name one.

80. Trying to get into a good nursing college.

81. I’d be cutting off a lot of toxic people.

82. I’d hop around from place to place probably. I might open a dog shelter.

83. College, paying off my family’s debts, paying for my cousins’ higher education. I’d give like, a fourth of it to different charities. And save the rest.

84. The future, because I feel like it will be better than the past.

85. All of the people who tell me I’m dumb for not understanding math, everyone who has bullied me, and getting to be better than my mother and my brother.

86. Still can’t remember any of my dreams.

87. The city. Because I live in the woods right now, and I can confirm, it sucks.

88. As a Christian, I believe we go to heaven. However, studying what other people believe happens has always intrigued me!

89. I had a teacher in third grade, who’s name I will not expose for the sake of privacy, who was very original. She was a very passionate person, and always encouraged her students to be the same way. She was very kind, but she never let people walk over her. She seemed like the ideal kind of person to be then and now.

90. The daddy-daughter days my father and I would have when we lived in California. We would go to a fun place like, once a moth and just spend time together. We went to places like Disneyland, the beach, Nott’s Berry Farm, and others.

91. Anne Boleyn. She is so interesting to me. She was a very intelligent and confident woman, two characteristics society did not like women to have. I want to ask her about her opinions about politics, literature, and other things.

92. I think I’d e the type of person to cry when their child receives their high school diploma or any award.

93. That not everyone is going to like me. It took years for me to accept the fact that I don’t live around a lot of people who feel the same way about things that I do, especially when it comes to social justice and hobbies.

94. I think we go to heaven to be with God.

95. Probably hide in big groups of people so no one knows I’m there because I despise when people are looking at me

96. I can’t stop caring about what others think of me. I know that I said I’ve accepted that not everyone will like me, but that doesn’t make it less hard to deal with, you know?

97. I don’t think so. I think I’d rather just let what’s meant to be happen.

98. I don’t really know. I was in like, kindergarten, and the boy o had a crush on just seemed interesting to me. I didn’t know anything about him, but he still seemed fascinating.

99. I always try and ignore my anger. I have a lot of toxic people in my life at the moment, and they make me livid. But I’ve always been taught that anger is a bad thing that needs to be suppressed. When in reality, anger is just a natural thing that can only be avoided so long. However, once again, knowing something doesn’t make it easier to deal with.

100. As of right now, I’d say I just exist, but the minuet I get to college I promise I WILL start living. I just need to wait this out.

No pressure tags! I understand completely if no one wants to participate in this since it just might be the longest ask game ever. @presidentroarie @spaceagebachelormann @rayniiariaa @fitz-avery-vacker @that-glasses-dog @oceanblueeyesoul @aeriscallanga and anyone else that would like to join!

100 questions to invade my personal life

[lucysstoryworld]

Hey Lucy! how do you do? it's so nice to see "The tormented and the unforgiven" get the love it soo deserves, I honestly couldn't control my tears by the end of it. Not to join in on the herd and overwhelm you or anything but I'd also love to see a part 2 of it and am super curious as to what you are thinking about it right now and just what direction in general you'd been pulled towards initially?

also, slightly off topic but I was wondering how long it took you to write it?

Hello! I’m doing well thank you! I appreciate your comment on my story! It’s great to see so many people interacting with it. I love having discussions about my favourite books and for people to be having conversations around my work is amazing :)

As for my thoughts, I feel as though the part two will be focused on the immediate aftermath of the torture and how each member of the I/c react/try to make amends. I don’t believe it’s forgivable in the slightest so I am going to find it interesting to write about a scenario where characters we know to be honourable and righteous to be in the wrong and unable to redeem themselves. I don’t want to give away too much, but I feel myself leaning towards expressing the guilt of Azriel and the stages of grief (for lack of a better term) for the reader. Like how would anyone react to a betrayal and torture such at this? Definitely a topic worth thinking about.

As for how long it took me to write the story, it took me two weeks of long, consistent hours of work. Now, it was not 14 consecutive days with 8+ hours of writing. I’m really trying to challenge myself to write longer pieces and work on my stamina, so it’s a learning experience. I would say I was doing about 5+ hours of writing every day or two for about 2 weeks. I had the idea for a few weeks in my head before I decided to write the story, I was taking notes on it for about 4 weeks before I began the initial word document. So a little while from the start of my idea to the finished product, but 2 weeks for actually writing the story.

Thank you so much for this ask, I really do appreciate when you (and others) take time out of your day to ask me things and to express your opinions and thoughts. It means a lot🤍🫶🏻

[pulverulents]

#33: queer joy

I went looking for the exact Julien Baker quote from the podcast I was talking about in #31 because I’ve been thinking about it a lot the past few days and I found it:

“I don’t think I lived a very embodied life until after ‘Turn Out the Lights’; I think I lived in my brain. I think I lived in my thoughts and my ideas, my ruminations and anxieties, and I didn’t at all interact with myself as a queer body in the world, I thought of myself as a queer concept? It only took years and years of therapy, but I was like... I really didn’t... I don’t know, like, I was (a) very disembodied person. And so like those thoughts and, like, making art about being a queer body in the world, like, that is new for me, even though I have been speaking about queerness conceptually for many years.”

Ever since I started listening to Julien Baker back in April, and taking a deep dive into her discography, and scouring the internet for any interviews and podcasts featuring her because she’s just so eloquent and well-spoken and intelligent I could listen to her talk for hours, it’s made me start thinking about the concept of 'queer joy' for the first time. I’m not quite sure why now because I generally haven’t really wanted to think too much about my sexuality in the past. In my defence, I was preoccupied with other equally heavy matters.

But I think I’ve known since I was about 14 that I liked girls too. You’d think that I’d have known sooner, given that I had been in an all-girls school for 8 years at that point, but before then I just assumed that my crushes on girls were very intense friend crushes. (Which they may have well been; I’m still not really sure which ones were friend crushes and which ones were crush crushes. Things get complicated when you grow up not having many friends to begin with.) But I’m lucky enough that at the time, I had a couple of openly queer classmates, and the people that I generally hung out with in school were super chill about it, so I never felt like I was going to be shunned by my peers in school specifically because I was queer (in any case, I was already being shunned for other unrelated reasons).

My first memory of witnessing public, blatant, open homophobia first-hand was about 2 years later on New Year’s Eve 2015, when Adam Lambert was slated to perform at the New Year’s Eve countdown party at the Marina Bay floating platform. I knew it was happening not because I was a fan of his, but because the older folks in church had been buzzing about it in the months leading up to it, loudly whispering to each other as they mingled after service about how it was so scandalous that this openly gay American man was going to be performing at one of the biggest events of the year here in Singapore. I honestly wasn’t too bothered by it; I was young and I had a lot of other unrelated things to worry about, and the gossip of church uncles and aunties was none of my business. But for some reason that I don’t remember, I was in church for the New Year’s Eve watchnight service for the first time in my life instead of watching the countdown on TV. As midnight slowly approached, I watched idly as a string of fellow churchgoers took turns going up to the pulpit to share their testimonies and thanksgivings for the year gone by. I was frankly starting to fall asleep when a very well-respected church uncle walked up to the pulpit. He was one of the most jovial and earnest church uncles that I knew, the kind of guy that every Christian man probably aspires to be. He led the primary school worship ministry, regularly taught in Sunday School, and had 3 model-student, model-Christian sons, all named after angels. And as he was walking past the pews, he stopped just short of the pulpit and made a big dramatic show out of peering out of the window at the quickly abating thunderstorm. Then he stepped up to the pulpit, gave a wry smile, and said: “Just checking the weather. Y’all know why, right?” And as the church uncles and aunties around me all nodded and murmured in agreement, I suddenly felt my chest tighten and my skin flush in anger. I watched the rain slow to a drizzle as I sat there in the pew with no choice but to swallow my rage in silence, feeling betrayed and blindsided but not fully understanding why.

I didn’t (and still don’t) listen to Adam Lambert’s music. I literally only knew two things about him: that he was on American Idol, and that he was gay. And I’m willing to bet that none of the church uncles and aunties there knew anything more about him either. At the time, I told myself that I was mostly just angry on behalf of all the queer friends and classmates I had, but in hindsight, I definitely felt something personal mixed in, even if I didn't want to see it.

Perhaps it was because of that night that I didn’t really want to think about my queerness in the years that followed. Perhaps it was because I had a crush on a boy at the time for the first time in my life, and I was still riding on the high of what, in my mind, was my first ‘legit’ crush. Even though I was lucky enough to have openly queer and accepting friends, the vast majority of my teen years was spent avoiding any thought of my own queerness like it was some kind of disease that would infect my heart if I dwelled on it for too long, a foolish attempt to run away from all the pain and anguish that I knew was waiting for me. There was already enough pain and hurt and guilt and shame in my life, and I didn’t need or want any more of it. And because I had a crush on a boy at the time, I kept thinking that all I had to do was start dating a boy and eventually get married to a boy and I would never have to address my own queerness, to myself or to others. I convinced myself that I didn’t think about it because I just didn’t and not because I actively didn’t want to, and if any of my friends asked, I'd just shrug noncommittally and say "I don't know, maybe, I'm not sure".

I spent 10 years running away from myself, desperately living on that ethos like a drug addict because I was too scared to live otherwise. I hyperfixated on that crush for so long, clinging onto the hope that this part of myself could stay hidden forever if I could just keep liking this boy and daydream about holding him. But slowly and all at once, I was over him. I don’t even know exactly when, why, or how. I thought I would be happier about it because I had known for many years that the feeling wasn’t mutual and I had been telling people that I was trying my best to move on. But after I realised that I was over him, all I could feel was fear. And then, being the hopeless romantic that I am and spinning out about Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn breaking up, I was lying in bed thinking about whether or not I believed in the concept of soulmates and had the sudden thought — oh god, what if my soulmate is a girl? And in that moment, I felt like I was about to throw up. I immediately opened tiktok because I could feel the anxiety rising and I needed to distract myself, but the algorithm just kept showing me fancams of Julien Baker and Josette Maskin, and all of a sudden the anxiety turned into a panic attack. It’s not like I haven’t found female celebrities attractive before (I mean, I have historically had no issues whatsoever publicly freaking out about how hot Taylor Swift is), but there’s something undeniably gay about being attracted to masc women, whereas with femmes like Taylor Swift, I can still gaslight myself into thinking “I’m not attracted to her, I just want to be her because she’s objectively attractive to the cisgender heterosexual male gaze”.

Some weeks later, just this past Sunday, in church again, I almost lost it during the opening worship song, which was ‘Blessings’ by Laura Story. I was perfectly fine during worship practice the day before, but standing in the corner of the stage waiting for my turn to harmonise with the worship leader, looking out at a congregation that was supposed to be a safe space for the oppressed and vulnerable, it was like a gear in my head suddenly clicked into place. I’d cried to the song before, many years ago, but I had never attached it to my queerness until now. As I lay in bed that night after a particularly exhausting day, alone with my thoughts for the first time since that morning, I remembered the song again and sobbed deeply, confronted and humbled in the midst of my anxiety by the truth that there is nothing I could do or not do that will make God love me less.

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering And all the while, You hear each spoken need Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

When friends betray us When darkness seems to win We know the pain reminds this heart That this is not This is not our home

As pride month rolls around, I can't ignore the fact that I'm still scared. More scared than I've ever been. And seeing countless tiktoks of Julien Baker performing with the words “queer joy” emblazoned on her guitar and banjo, I can’t help but think how foreign and elusive that term feels to me. How could I not, when all the memories I have associated with my own queerness are coloured by anger, shame, guilt, and deep, overwhelming fear? I’ve known the concept of my own queerness for a decade now, but I’ve spent so long being scared of it and running away from it that I don’t even know what it really means to be queer.

I used to think that if I could just fall in love with a boy, all of this would go away and I would never have to come to terms with it. But I had the realisation that that’s just the voice of internalised homophobia / compulsory heterosexuality talking, and my queer friends don’t magically cease to be queer when they aren’t actively dating anybody, or aren't actively attracted to anybody, so how could I be any different? Human sexuality is inherently carved into human existence; it is an irremovable part of me that I can’t scrub out like a stubborn stain, or throw a rug over it and pretend it isn't there, or toss around flippantly like a garment that I can put on or off whenever I feel like it. To be queer is to exist, to live, to thrive, to be human. It may be true that there is no pride without pain, and that healing requires first uncovering and scrutinising the hurt. But I’ve come to the realisation that having ‘queer joy’ is to embody one’s queerness wholly, in fullness, to feel through it as an integral facet of human existence — and to look at the world and all of the heartbreak and sorrow it brings, to carry it with me in all its heaviness and stare down its ugly face, to acknowledge that there is nothing I can do to prevent it from being thrust into my arms — and to choose joy anyway.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still terrified. Even throughout typing this, I can’t stop my fingers from trembling and my heart from racing and in all honesty, I still feel like I’m about to throw up. I can’t change that. But after spending so long running away from my own queerness, I’ve come to the realisation that as scary as it is, I need to come out to myself first before I can learn to let myself heal. Being the coward that I am, it’s taken almost 10 full years for me to do it, but nonetheless, here it is:

Hi. I’m bi.

-jo

[blue-eyed-bloodstains]

What color are your eyes? blue

Is anyone you work with currently on maternity leave or vacation? I haven’t worked in over 5 years

Favorite boy’s name? Riley

Baked macaroni and cheese or regular? regular, not a big fan of baked.

What’s the first thing you learned how to draw? probably whatever any kid does?

Name one of your friends’ children: Trinity

What was the name of your 5th grade teacher? honestly I can’t remember and I wish I could cause she couldn’t stand me for god knows what and I couldn’t stand her because of it lol

Sterling silver or titanium? my skin is iffy with silver and gold, the whole turns green thing but I love silver anyway!

How many hours do you work in a day? I haven’t in over 5 years

Have you ever been to a casino? several times just walking through or at the bar in Atlantic City plus seeing Evanescence live, but I’ve never gambled

Who wrote the last book you read? I honestly can’t remember...it’s been a long time, trying to push myself to pick up again 

What’s the middle name of your bestfriend? girl - Spencer, guy - doesn’t have one

What’s your favorite food? sushi always, any seafood really!

How far away do you live from the closest aquarium? oh god I don’t even know lol I just had to look it up and closest to me is Adventure Aquarium in Camden, NJ. so from where I live in PA, that’s an hour and a half drive so not too bad, pretty much the same drive I make to visit my dad and stepmom in NJ

Favorite girl’s name? a few...Vada, Kairi, Riley, Neveah, Shay

Name one of your candle scents: I need to get more candles but there’s lots in Yankee Candle I would load up on! vanilla, lavender, ocean/beach are a few

What’s the name of your favorite restaurant? there’s some good local ones around here for different foods

Are you in a relationship? If so, how long? yeah, Feb 13-14 marked 7 years together, we’ve been engaged for 2 years as of Christmas last year

Who in your family has a birthday in January? sigh this had to be a question....my cousin Tony, Jan 16 who this year just three days later went missing and on Jan 21 was found dead in a park sooo...as of now? none that I can think of... :(

When was the last time you lost power? How long was it out and the cause? umm few months ago maybe, we do on rare occasions when weather is real bad here which happens often given the area. it’s usually a few hours, worst case near half a day/overnight depending on when they can get it back

Do you know any twins? I used to in school

What’s your favorite flower? white rose

Pick 3 random colors: navy, olive, beige

Would you ever dye your hair that color? well beige is basically light brown, close to blonde soo done that...olive, no and navy...maybe especially with my blue eyes and pale skin 

Do you own any underwear that color? beige yeah

Can this be used as a last name? the colors? I hope not that’d be weird lol I know Olive can be a first name but not last

What’s your favorite country song? oh lord where to start? so many

Do you drink alcohol? heh...let’s not go here right now...

Do you use any food delivery services such as UberEats, DoorDash, etc? we live on DoorDash literally every single night, neither one of us cook

What color is your mailbox? your typical generic black one

What age did you lose your virginity? 19, three months shy of 20

Dogs or cats? both

Do you know anyone who’s been to prison? ohhh yeah, try most of the family...granted mostly jail but some were prison stints too

What’s one thing on your shopping list? CLOTHES. neeeeeeed clothes.

Freeze tag or musical chairs? freeze tag, I love tag and miss it

Where did you go on your last vacation? LA with my fiance

Have you ever been stuck in the mud? no thankfully

What was the last thing you took a picture of? screenshotted something important on my phone

Name someone you work with: I don’t

How far away is the closest Walmart? about a 10, 15 minute drive it’s close

Chick-fil-A, Taco Bell or McDonald’s? Taco and McD’s, never liked Chic-Fil-A much

Did you ever get an allowance as a child? once for all of a few weeks lol mostly we’d just go to the mall and get a video game or something for a good report card or honor roll

What food do you see the most of at baby showers? I’ve never been to one so not sure

Do you know the capital of your state? Harrisburg

Have you ever rode on a motorcycle? yeah more than once, loved it

When’s the last time you ate any type of sweet? last week, finished off a tin of Lindt chocolates I’d forgotten about and found while looking for something 

Pizza rolls or bagel bites? oooo both and now I want some!

What kind of flooring is in the room you’re in? carpet 

Is the internet connection good where you live at? yeah 

Do you need to do laundry? no just recently did it

What’s your favorite scent? coffee, vanilla, lavender, ocean breeze, Old Spice, sizzling steak or barbecue

Have you ever lived in a hotel before? no

What kind of pets does your grandmother have? none

Do you follow any type of trials? no

What’s the last show you really got into that you have to wait for the next season of? The Umbrella Academy Season 4, and the last part of The Final Season of Attack On Titan grrrrr both of which are this fall sometime 

SpongeBob or Patrick? Sponge, though Patrick has his moments

When’s the last time you saw fireworks? sometime last year. we can see em outside our front door over the skyline of Reading, our house is way up in the hills overlooking it 

Have you ever witnessed a car accident? several

Do you own a pair of fuzzy socks? no

What kind of ice cream is your favorite? oh god you’re killing me! Rocky Road, Banana Split, Coffee, Cotton Candy, Pina Colada...(yes obviously some of these are italian ices but still count lol)

Have you ever been skinny dipping? no

Sprinkles or frosting? frosting, I don’t mind sprinkles but meh I loooooove me some frosting though

Do you like mushrooms? I looooove mushrooms oh my goddddd

How many tattoos do you have? one on the inside of my right wrist

Do you own any type of hand sanitizers? just a mini travel size one from when COVID first hit

Have you ever worked in a grocery store? no

What’s your Subway order? it varies, I usually go for a BLT footlong, tuna footlong or Italian footlong

When was the last time you used the bathroom? why the fuck would you wanna know that...? O_O

Do you know how to roller skate? uhhh not really. actually I kinda skipped skates and went to blades, which I can just barely do only on a rink but I haven’t since I was like preteen

Can you read sheet music? no I wish

How old is your youngest sibling? I’m an only child

Do you have an Amazon account? no

What day is payday? I don’t work

What’s one food your family has at Thanksgiving? stuffing

Do you like painting? if I had any clue how to, I’d love it

Have you ever been swimming with dolphins? no I would love to though that looks like so much fun

What’s your favorite snack food? ANYTHINGGG. I’m a snack food junkie! I swear I could live on the shit if I could, especially popcorn

You’re watching Law & Order, is it the regular or SVU? SVU and wowwww timing cause there’s actually a marathon right now playing XD

What were you doing last time it snowed? not sure, we didn’t really get snow except a dusting all last winter

Do you have to sleep with a fan on? yes

Chapstick or lip gloss? both but it’s been a minute since I wore lip gloss

When was the last time you took a shower? seriously getting personal here man, get out of the bathroom! :P

Do you know how to play basketball? for fun yeah, was on an all girls team once in 5th grade but hated the competitiveness and the glory hounds

Name one thing you put on a salad: on, not in so I’m assuming dressing? balsamic vinaigrette

Do you own anything that’s your favorite color? oh yeah lol

What’s the last thing you ordered from a Mexican restaurant? quesadilla

Do you carry a purse or a backpack? purse

What kind of soda is your favorite? any kind really, love soda

Have you ever cut yourself shaving? a few nicks every now and then....

Penguins or pandas? they’re both cute Do you like your in-laws? not quite in laws yet...but yeah I love his parents to death, they’re amazing and we mesh so well

What do you usually do for Christmas? usually visit family, his one day and mine the other

Have you ever used any type of Aromatherapy? no

Toe socks or ankle socks? ankle Who’s your favorite Pokémon character? just Pokemon or the characters too? wayyyy too hard no way that’s asking me what’s your favorite song? 

What’s the temperature range in your area? not sure what you mean by range but..currently it’s 81 degrees F at 6:03pm, it’s gorgeous out

Does your trash need to be taken out? no already did it

Nachos or chips and salsa? chips and salsa baby!

What’s the name of your pets? Danyell, female tabby cat

Have you been around anyone that creeped you out? several times

What’s your Chick-fil-A order? I never eat there

Regular or pink lemonade? either one, just pray I avoid heartburn

Do you know anyone who’s lost their house in a natural disaster? no

What’s your favorite candy? pretty much anything! I’m a sucker for raisinets and sour gummy worms though Chinese or Japanese cuisine? Chinese

Colored pencils or sharpies? colored pencils

Do you own a pair of Crocs? hell no never

Have you ever been to DisneyWorld? sadly no

Does anyone in your family have a birthday in February? not that I can remember right now

How long does it take for your phone to fully charge? I always have it on the charging cord when I’m home, which is always..but if it needs a quick charge, doesn’t take too long. maybe 45 mins and it’s good to go

What color is your hairbrush? black

Is there any movies out that you want to see? yeah several and a few coming soon too

Do you know how to run a cash register? I did while I was working...but it’s been 5 years since I last worked, so I’d definitely need a full refresher

Chicken or beef noodles? both

What year did you get your drivers license? 2010

Do you have any piercings? yeah, the usual one in each ear and a belly button ring

What kind of makeup do you wear? eyeshadow, mascara, lipstick/gloss..sometimes eyeliner

What’s your Taco Bell order? party pack (12) of soft taco supremes, add/extra tomato with a large Baja Blast

Do you wear any type of shimmer spray or glitter? no

Have you ever lived in a trailer/doublewide? no surprisingly..though some places I’ve lived we used to call vertical trailers cause they may as well have been 

What’s your boyfriends/girlfriends middle name? fiance, and his middle name is Robert

Are you into anime? hell yeah I love anime!

Pizza or nacho lunchables? pssh are you kidding? there’s never been any contest, PIZZA!

Have you ever been to a strip club? no

Do you know how to play any instruments? I used to play clarinet and bells in school, 1 year for each...other than that no

Have you ever been inside of a courtroom? yep several times especially this past year with my DUI, and even been through a TRO trial I had against mom...

What kind of restaurants do you eat at while you’re on vacation? I never get to go on vacation, but I’d usually try out local spots especially ones they’re well known for

Did you ever participate in any pageants when you were younger? hell no thank god, I can’t stand seeing what the parents put those poor girls through it’s sick

What kind of cheese is your favorite? I’m Italian/Irish mostly..cheese is life lol I love all of it

Does your phone have any cracks or scuffs? only a slight one on the screen protector of it, the phone itself is fine from that and the case 

Have you ever had a professional massage? no

Which would you rather have, twins or triplets? less would be easier so twins but whatever I’m meant to have, are my kids 

Do you drink energy drinks? Monster and Starbucks Doubleshots

Can you swim? the basics yeah, for some unknown reason my body refuses to learn how to just lay back and float though lol

Make the perfect taco salad: never had one but basically a taco supreme without the tortilla lol

Have you ever lived with friends or a roommate? friends yeah once or twice

Who in your family has a birthday in March? my dad, March 8 and my stepsis March 10

What kind of pasta do you like? GIMME ALLLLLLLLL THE PASTA

Do you know how to play volleyball? for the most part yeah...I’ve taken a straight within inches, full strength spiked ball to the face like a pro too :| 

How much decorating do you do around the holidays? none, we barely even do a tree anymore really..well at our house anyway, family always does

Have you ever been on a cruise? no and I want to soooo bad...straight to open bar for a mai tai and lounge by the pool on the top deck in the sun 

At what age did you learn how to tie your shoes? uhhh it was kindergarten so hell...I was maybe 4? 

Oreos or chocolate chip cookies? both

What did you dress up for Halloween as a child? lots...pumpkin, chicken, Jasmine from Aladdin, Marill from Pokemon..that’s all I can remember out of em all 

Can you count to ten in Spanish? yeah

Name a character from your favorite TV show: Jude Harrison

Do you like going to arcades? yeah I’m a gamer always have been

What was the last personal care item you bought from the store? pads

Airplanes or helicopters? planes

Have you ever been camping for more than a week? never more than a few days

What kind of meat do you like the most? most of it

Do you actually stop and pet dogs you actually see? I say hi and call to em, smile and compliment them to the owner if there is one but no, I don’t pet without permission just in case

Have you ever been in an ambulance? yep several times

What’s the craziest thing you’ve found at a hotel before? when we got to the room on vacation in VA a few months into dating and he was showing me his “stomping grounds” from when he was stationed in Newport News for the Navy, I happened to look in the drawer of the nightstand and there was the bible (usual) but next to it was this coin purse which looked full. curious, we opened it and it was full of like, four different brands of condoms lol the irony of the bible being next to it was amazing

How far is the closest Target? about 15 min drive, not too far

Snakes or spiders? oh dear god snakes, get the fuck away from me with the latter! I’m severely arachnophobic!

What’s your Panera Bread order? depends..usually a flatbread pizza and I always get their chicken noodle soup, best damn chicken noodle soup I’ve ever had! whatever they do to it is amazing

Do you have any cool keychains? my fiance brings home a few from the jobs he’s sent to sometimes, they’re all on my carabiner that holds my keys 

How old is your oldest living grandparent? none biologically, I forget how old my dad’s mom is

Do you watch movies? doesn’t everyone?

Who in your family has a birthday in April? my fiance’s mom April 12, my grandfather (RIP) April 13, my fiance April 23, my cousin Jakey April 30

Have you ever had your nails done professionally? a few times

What color Christmas tree do you use? green, we always get natural

What’s your go to dipping sauces? ranch or ketchup

Do you know how to properly pack a U-Haul truck? no

What was your least favorite math? honors level Algebra 2...furthest I got before graduation, moved around so much and repeated Algebra so much I never got to take most of the others everyone else did like calc or trig

Have you ever been published in a magazine? no

What color is your snow gloves? don’t have any

How old were you when you last went to the dentist? 17...yeah I know it’s disgusting, overdue is not even the word 

Do you own a printer? yeah never really use it

What’s your Applebees order? depends on what I’m feeling...but one thing’s for sure going on that damn table and that’s my spinach and artichoke dip!! 

Do you bring home seashells from the beach? yeah always

What kind of video games do you play? pretty much anything, more adventure/rpg..think Zelda, Pokemon, Kingdom Hearts, etc. but I love all games

Is anyone in your family in law enforcement? not anymore, some have history though.

How long ago was the last funeral you attended? January 29, 2023 so this year...my cousin only a year older than me, murdered days after his birthday the week before it...

What color is the blanket on your bed? my weighted blanket is like a burnt orange color

Where did you get your name from? mom loved my first name from the get go and at the time it wasn’t as popular like it was as I got older through school. my two middle names, one is hers and one is my great grandmother’s first name. last name is sperm donor’s last name unfortunately...can’t wait for our wedding so I can finally rid myself of it once and for all

Do you wear lipstick? when I put on make up yeah, which I rarely do anymore except going to see family for holidays or date night which rarely ever happens too...

What’s a fruit you dislike? can’t think of one, I love fruit

What kind of donuts do you like? not a big fan but when I do eat em on occasion, boston creme filled for sure and of course I’m east coast so I gotta reference Dunkin Donuts here! :D

Do you know how to braid hair? no

What’s one accessory you wear? occasional earrings or necklace..other than that it’s just my engagement ring which I always wear it’s not an accessory

How many hoodies/jackets do you own? many, I love hoodies (and yes most are his that I wear more)

What was the last name of the road you lived on? not putting that out there

What brand of chocolate do you prefer? Reese’s

Nike or Adidas? either one

What will your future wedding colors be? not sure yet...can’t even plan cause he’s barely ever home and we’re struggling to try and even save up..

Do you have a phone mount in your car? need a car after what happened last year but yeah, once I finally get a new one (hopefully soon), I’ll definitely have one. otherwise I just prop it in the cupholders lol

Make the perfect omelet: eggs, bacon, sausage, bell peppers, diced onions, ketchup, salt, pepper

[lexivass]

I read this before going to work and I had a sad pout on my face for half an hour after that ending. Why do you have to break my little heart, Lee? Why??? Alfred is such a mood for not knowing how to relax, and him being the “responsible” person dating two chaotic menaces is everything! You described their relationship beautifully, the dialogue is super clever but also light. Thomas is so charming, sweet and funny; Martha coming home smelling like blood after doing her vigilante shit makes my  🐱 wet. It breaks my heart that this was their last moment.

“Thomas’ smirk had no business being that loud, “Does it make you mad?” “Yes, quite bloody much.” “ Then I think I’ll keep doing it. Unless you’d like to carry me back in the house?”

Charming fucker!

“He knew about the extensive numbness lingering stubbornly after tough surgeries. Knew about sleepless nightshifts, knew about Tommy falling asleep on his feet but still insisting on telling Bruce his bedtime story over the phone.”

💕 💕 💕

“Positions shifted, Alfred, for a moment, obliges the need to simply feel him; 

Take in the calloused touch, the firm grip on his waist.  The mischievous, thirsty for trouble sharpness in pretty fawn eyes. 

Loving the Waynes was loving danger; It was loving sharp fangs on your neck.” 

Who gave you this much talent, girl???

“Speaking of Martha,” Alfred swatted away a naughty hand pinching at his thigh, “ I wasn’t aware grocery shopping took 2 days.”

A hum, “She likes playing with her food.”

“I’d rather have wrong justice than no justice at all. Ethics work if you can afford them,” Two arms, toned and careful, wrapped around his middle, as if trying to pull Alfred down like an anchor. “Besides. You’re a war criminal.”

“ Pardoned war criminal.”

“You’re welcome for that, by the way. Am I the best at birthday gifts, or what?”

(...)

“Alfred groaned, " Don't talk about my child while your husband fingers me."

" Our child."

" Our husband."

" You fucking commies."

"...Wait, is communism good or bad?"

"We'll talk later, Tommy. Rock paper scissors for who's riding him."

KSKKSKKSKSKS

" I'm going after Bruce."

" It's been two hours."

" And? Make me another one and I won't complain. Alfred, back me up here."

" Master Wayne. I'm not responsible for your baby fever." (...)

" Come on! How hard can it be? It was only 14 hours of pushing. "

Martha hums, pressing lightweight kisses on Alfred's chin, " You're sleeping in the attic this week."

Already out the door, Thomas calls back, " if you two can stay off my dick long enough!"

I honestly love everything about this!!!!!

“Nails scrap so wonderfully along his back, his spine, his hips, – if it were another man, Alfred would call them primal, but since it’s Tommy, his Tommy, he can’t think of these marks as anything else than love confessions.��Gotham won’t give you anything. If it’s yours, claim it or lose it. And Thomas had promised him once, with just a touch of darkness, that he has no interest in letting him go.”

Don’t mind me, I’m just gonna think about THIS FUCKING FUCKER THOMAS FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK

“Then you come to me. Or Martha. You’re rather good at that,” LMAO

“She was wearing nothing under her clothes. The thought of her like that, – waltzing and strutting in Gotham of all places, bare under pretty clothes, made him reel and his heart pump.”

PENNYWAYNES COME GET YALL JUICE

@pennywaynes here we go my liege

[guiltygearofficial]

Guilty Gear Characters ranked by how high they look in their Accent Core Portrait

To celebrate 4/20, I will be ranking every single Guilty Gear Accent Core portrait from least to most blazed out of their mind!

23.Potemkin

Everyone else got so high that there was no weed left when Potemkin arrived, leaving the Zeppian soldier angry and weedless.

22. Ky Kiske

The illyrian king does not know what weed is and has taken an anti-drug pledge back in highschool. He refuses to even think about anything with caffeine in it, much less actual drugs. He is judging you.

21.Venom

Venom similarly did not get any of the weed, He’s similarly quite miffed about this predicament and is currently going for the kill.

20.Chipp Zanuff

The self declared president refuses to even try a weed, no matter what day it is. He looks down at you with scorn, ready to give you his own personal Drug Psa/Friendship Speech. Winners don’t do drugs, you’ve never seen Goku with a blunt, now have you?

19.Millia Rage

She’s judging you.

18.Zappa

Not actually high, arrived here while the weed was being handed out and got a headache from the smell. Left ASAP. 

17. Jam Kuradoberi

She made weed brownies as a 4/20 special and is currently checking your eyes to see how effective they are. She’s considering calling a doctor.

16. Testament

They are both judging you and trying their very best not to make it noticable that they accidentally ate a weed brownie earlier, because of which they can now see a skeleton dancing in the edge of their vision.

15. Baiken

Similarly judging you for being a lightweight. Took a few brownies herself to make Anji more tolerable. Is suprisingly less stabby than she usually is.

14.A.B.A.

Took her first weed a few hours ago and is currently suffering the after effects. Honestly just wants to go home. Doesn’t remember where she parked Paracelsus.

13. Faust

Got called in by Jam because her weed brownies are too strong. Impossible to tell how high exactly he is due to the bag on his head, however the glowing eye makes it likely that he snuck off with a little snack after he treated his patients.

12.Slayer

Ate the most weed brownies out of everyone but is very easily holding himself together. Has years of experience pretending not to be high. Is patting your back and telling you a story about how he and Nagoriyuki got absolutely blazed in a karaoke bar in the 19th century.

11.Order Sol

Just passed you the bong with an expression that says “here you go my man, this is the good shit.”

10.Johnny

Was right before Order Sol in the blunt rotation. Is currently thinking about women. The sunglasses are hiding it well but he’s completly out of his mind.

9.Anji Mito

Put extra weed in the brownies. Quite stoned himself but knows exactly what he did. Is not sorry for what he did.

8.I-no

Tripping balls. Is currently trying to remember if she turned the stove off before coming here. Is gonna return to a burned down home and an on fire Raven.

7.Robo-Ky

is a bong

6.Eddie

Did not realize corpses could actually get high and scarfed down an entire batch of brownies. Is currently on another planet. Does not remember his own name. Zato-one was never revived, Eddie is still high as of Xrd.

5.Dizzy

First time weed consumer and absolute light weight. Has no idea what’s going on but thinks everything is really nice. has been staring at her own tail swishing back and forth for the better part of an hour now.

4. Axl Low

Chewsday innit

3. May

Snuck off with Johnny’s bong. Can taste colors. Wil try to touch your face.

2. Sol Badguy

Stoned out of his fucking mind. Can’t handle weed as well as he could during his holy order days. Is currently drooling onto himself. There are no thoughts behind that headband.

1.Bridget

My daughter, she is sick. Her face, it is melting.

[soft-boi-eli]

Hello Hello!

I just wanted to say I love your fics!

ALSO!

Could I request a CC!SBI X Gn! Insomniac Reader! Where the reader is an insomniac (Obviously-) but is somehow a pro at MC!

Like they are basically god at the game! They also REALLY enjoy horror games! They don’t get scared easily and LOVE horror movies! They basically love anything horror/creepy-

ANYWAYS!!

The reader lives off of ramen and Monster energy drinks (For fun-)! They have a Twitch (Which has about 18 mil followers and 14 mil subs!) and a YouTube channel (Which has 20 mil followers!)

They mainly play horror games (Obviously-) and MC!

You can do headcanons or scenarios/images with the SBI! Maybe like playing a horror game together or MC? OR! Maybe some things they do together? Or when they meet up? Or-to many ideas Nightmare-

ANYWAYS!

I don’t really care! And don’t worry about taking too long on it!

ALSO!

Maybe we could be friends? Only if you want too!

Remember to eat, drink, and get enough sleep!

<3

Yes. I lovesthese ideas and I'm gonna choose headcannons due to they are a bit easierfor me to write.

And yes I'm perfectly fine with being your friend! I'm actually happy to make friends on this app so yeah!

Pronouns:nonbinary

Tw: cussing. Insomia, mentions of horror movies. Mention of horror games. Fluff.

SBI with a horror streamer friend head cannons.

*Ahem* tommy wanted to paly a game with you so you choose a game that didn't look like horror until the middle. He screamed at the jump scare and it made both of your chats so happy.

When phil decides to play with you there is literally a silence after a jump scare. Everyone thought he had a heart attack and honestly so did you until he spoke up about accidently hitting his mute button when he jumped.

Wilbur. He's a bit better then tommy but more scared then phil would be. Any little noise won't get him but when it starts to get noticeable the noiseless to him. The jump scare, he'd fall out of his seat and stay on the ground for a bit. You ask if he's good and he literally doesn't answer. He's dead. You killed him. Congrats.

Techno. He'd handle them a bit better then everyone else. Not as good as you but heisnt very paranoid. He literally runs at the noises trying to get jumpscared. While you run after him telling him to stop because if he doesn't then you'd lose and die. And technoblade never dies.

If you all play together both tommy and wilbur pussy out. Techno last the longest and phil the second longest. While you remain the ruler of horror games.

Now how you all met was dream invited you to the dream smp to add to the chaos. Needless to say it got extremely chaotic due to you being on almost 24 hours. You first ran into techno. He seemed confused and skeptical.

You both found eachothers love for potatoes. You set up camp quote close to techno but not too close.

Phil popped in when he needed something for a build and noticed a new name. Talked to you in chat and asked to join your VC. You both found each other talking for a bit.

Wilbur was next. Wilbur got curious over the new person and just hoppedinto the same VC as you techno and phil. He was quick to realize that you were a famous youtuber. Mainly for your horror videos and your extreme Parkcore skills.

In minecraft that is.

Tommy noticing that all of you were in the same VC joined in with shouting. He was low key jealous that everyone was obsessed with you. Then he saw why.

You literally cracked jokes at his shouting.

"Is that an angry pomeranian? Nah nah. It's an angry child. Even better an angry blonde!" - you.

He was shocked and immediately started joking and laughing with you. He wasn't fully angry for long.

Now about your diet. When they heard that you had only eaten ramen and drank angry drinks they were concerned. You lived quite close to techno so when you guys met up he was shocked that you looked as healthy as you did.

He hated the fact that you literally didn't eat anything else.

You told him occasionally you have something other then ramen but you were just too lazy to really cook anything and that you didn't feel like burning the house down.

One month phil, tommy, wilbur, and techno decided to organize a month long sleep over so that they could celebrate your birthday. Phil being quote the father figure cooked different, but easy dinners every night just so you didn't eat only ramen that day.

When they actually arrived though you got a text from Phil asking about your address in your dms. Not think much of it you just sent him your location.

You were going to take a small nap. Just to bost your energy before you went and streamed later that night.

As you were sleeping there was a car heading to your house.

Phil, wilbur, tommy, and techno were all just existing in the car. And when they arrived to your house they didn't expect to actually see a clean house.

You woke to a loud knock.

When you opened the door in your half dazed state you expected a package. But to see four people standing on your porch.

You nearly jumped out of your skin.

You were stuck there blinking at them.

Finally snapping out of it you let them in. Confused on why in the ever loving fuck they were here.

Phil explained they were here to celebrate your 21st birthday and they were here for a month.

You stared at them for a while. Confused on what to do since you haven't had people over in almost 2 years.

But you got use to it.

So when you got done streaming and smelled something other then ramen you were thrown off guard. Like what was that. I haven't smelled that in years.

But after the second day you got use to it too.

For your birthday phil literally made a feast.

Like he found your favorite food other then ramen and cooked it. With that he prepared everything you could dream of.

Your sleeping habits. Let's dig into those.

I'm in no place to talk as right now it's 3:05 in the morning. And here I am.

But when they are over they don't let you stay up till no 3-4 in the morning. They all know the importance of sleep.

But there are those nights where no once can sleep and it results in a late night stream. And streaming for hours none the less.

The amount of accidental all nighters everyone has pulled was immense. But that's what happens with jet lag, adhd, and insomnia.

Literally you get tired randomly. Sleep for only 3 hours. Wake up. Drink coffee, energy drinks, highly caffeinated tea. And don't sleep till late at night.

Pillow forts.

It's a must and it happens. Horror movies, pillow forts, and snacks. Like you all are in this massive fort, watching horror movies, one by one you all are falling asleep. You and techno were the last up due to technos active mind and your body not letting you sleep.

You two literally just vide there, changing the movies from horror to some silly animated movies, like how to train your dragon, frozen, Luca, and many others.

You two pull an all nighter and it's actually a bet to see how long anyone else takes to notice.

You bet an hour. Techno says all day.

You won. Philza notices the worse eye bags under both you and technos eyes and immediately starts scolding.

He is papa bird and he won't let anyone of his children neglect their needs.

"Did you even drink water at all? You guys should of been sleeping not binge watching horror movies all night!" -philza

You could only offer a smirk, along with a laugh.

"I think we did I just can't fully remember. Also we were watching animated films. Not horror. Surprised you didn't wake up to let it go." - you.

You turn to techno.

"You owe me 15 bucks pig boy!"-you again.

Handing you the money he rolls his eyes. "Yeha yeah. Rub it in." -techno.

Ah yeah they found a horror game that you were scared of surprisingly. It was actually surprisingly you hadn't played it yet.

Outlast.

You had been holding off that game until you finished your other one but here you were. Bored out of your mind.

So you decided fuck it.

That game teriffed the shit out of you. It was so good though.

When you screamed they all came rushing up due to the fact that you never scream.

They say you out of your chair, on the floor, blinking. They thought you were hurt.

But you sat up and looked at your computer.

"Damn. That was actually really good." When you looked behind you and found the boys all staring you smiled and waved.

"You need something?"-you

"You screamed. We heard a thud. We thought you fuckin died!" -tommy.

"No I'm alive. My soul almost divorced my body but it's still quite here."-you

That day made highlights.

The popular y/n actually got jump scared. The one person who never screamed at horror games screamed.

When they left you were sad yes but they were still your best friends. Ready to talk when ever you want.

Sometimes I think that you guys talk all through out the night. Them forgetting that you were actually in a different time zone.

Sometimes they pop into your streams, be it MC, horror, you just talking to your fans, or even the once in the blue moon, cheerful games.

They just pop in and start talking to you. And you talk back like they were there since the beginning.

Phil is now one of your moderators too. Along with tommy, wilbur, and techno. When they pop in they make sure no one picks on you.

And since you are now close to the SBI. You are now part of it.

You didn't choose the fans did. But they are your new family. No matter what.

Even if they disagree with your eating habit.

Or energy drink addiction.

Or insomnia.

Or you mainly playing horror games.

Or you basically living in your streaming room.

Or even the nearly 24 hour streams.

I could go on but I'm not gonna.

I'm tired. But I can sleep. 2 days and I get to have a tour of my new school.

And it took so long to finally get into it.

We have been going through a huge hassle even before school started to get me enrolled.

And then we had to get me into this program.

But now on Monday I get to go in. Get a tour. Then start either Tuesday or Wednesday.

Anyway hope you liked. It's now 3:50 and it's no proof read I'm sorry

[an0nymousghost]

updated hair swatches (works with genetics - 6/22/21) by an0nymousghost / celeschul / stardze / teauke

AHH i can finally breathe. i knew i had a lot of cc but i didn’t know i had this much. this took me 10 days (june 5 - june 14) and like 40+ hours? idk but it’s finally here! to celebrate i wrote a literal essay.

7/24/21 edit - this folder only contains the cc i’ve made through 6/15/21! it is highly unlikely that i’ll be updating this in the future. i don’t update my files often, but if you want the most recent versions of EVERYTHING, i suggest going through the original posts

please read though all the notes before downloading! (or not idc)

here are my 223 hairs updated in a 22 swatch palette. the 6 new ones are courtesy of @aharris00britney, and the 16 other are adjustments of the ea colors so the textures are clearer.

i also updated some of the meshes, if you want to know exactly what i updated it’s on the spreadsheet.

the thumbnails are the same unless stated otherwise (i only updated them if they were unbearably ugly lol)

the names are all the same so you can just pop them in your mods folder and click replace! if a hair was in a zip file, i kept it in its folder.

i did this by myself and i haven’t had anyone test it, so if there is any swatches that i forgot to import, please let me know through ask! it’s pretty easy to update it and the post. however, idk if i’ll be updating the massive zip file because it is tedious to do

i’ve also included all of the meshes needed for simplicity. credit goes to the creators! 

all the posts are updated with links as well. a lot of my mediafire links broke tho :( i wrote a post on it here

view all the original posts here or here

palette:

here’s an overview of the zip file, the parts are sorted by thumbnail type (and also package name/url). this is also in the zip file if you need it

accessories (5 mb // 14 files)

these have not been updated, i just added them because it’s like a collection of everything

meshes (11 mb // 10 files)

this file is required for part 1 and part 4. part 2 and 3 work fine without it

part 1 - celeschul (301 mb // 61 files)

part 2 - teauke (108 mb // 15 files)

part 3 - stardze (340 mb // 67 files)

part 4 - an0nymousghost (475 mb // 90 files)

collabs (105 mb // 26 files)

TOTAL - 1.24 gb // 281 files

it goes in reverse chronological order and i like to think that i got better with time (ie. part 1 is better than 2, 2 is better than 3) but honestly i don’t know. all i know is that my thumbnail skills certainly got better with time, haha.

tutorial: - how to download zip files on google drive - how to download mods

download (google drive)

alternate (mediafire)

ps. if you have never seen me in your life, i convert adult hair to child/toddler for ts4