#honestly I don’t be pushed so much about privacy or w/e I actually mostly use safari

[bigeyedchangelingchild]

Genuine question,

I have to use chrome for work, the website won’t even allow me to enter the work page if it’s not chrome, but not only is there the privacy issues but I find chrome makes my computer run much hotter than Firefox. Is there a way to trick my company website so I can try Firefox. I’m tired of my laptop sounding like a jet engine in meetings when I never had a problem with zoom or teams.

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[boldly-ho]

Another Life - Chapter 12

Fandom: What We Do in the Shadows 

Pairing: Vladislav x Reader

Series Rating: E (See author’s notes)

Word Count: 2098

Chapter Summary: You realize vampires share more biological functions with humans than you’d previously thought. When Dawn brings home a one night, you find yourself wondering what your sex life may have been like over your forgotten year.

A/N: I bumped up the rating not because of this particular chapter, though it is borderline, but because I’ve decided to include some n s f w scenes going forward. As always, this is cross-posted to AO3.

You studied the playing cards in your hand before looking up at your opponent. Trying to read him was useless; you had no idea what he was thinking. He was unreadable. You quickly lowered your gaze as his eyes met yours.

“Any sevens?”

You jumped in your seat as you were once again answered with a screeching hiss. You put a hand against your chest as if to still your racing heart.

“Just say ‘go fish,’ Petyr, you’re going to give me a heart attack!”

You drew a card, only to immediately hand it over when he asked in his cold, rasping voice if you had any nines.

“Any twos?”

“Go fish.”

You sighed as you picked up another card.

“Any sevens?” Petyr rasped.

“Petyr!” You dropped the cards to bury your head in your hands and exclaim in exasperation. “Petyr,” you explained, “if you have a seven now, then you had one when I asked.”

He stared at you intently, and somewhat frighteningly, though you thought you saw the corner of his mouth twitch.

“Okay,” you announced, gathering up the cards. “That’s enough go fish tutorial for one evening. Anyway, I’m pretty sure Viago left a chicken or something in your room.”

Petyr shuffled off, back to his basement. You still spent relatively little time with Petyr as compared to your other flatmates. He did keep mostly to himself, and the one time you’d ventured down to his room in order to fetch him for something, you’d decided right then and there not to go back. His basement was filthy, covered in dust, debris, blood, and worst of all, dismembered skeletal remains. It was not an experience you wished to relive.

You dumped the deck of cards into a random drawer before exiting the kitchen and making your way to the communal bathroom. You had avoided that bathroom when you’d first moved in, partly because you had your own private en suite upstairs, and partly because you didn’t relish the idea of sharing a bathroom with four men. But, now you knew they weren’t men, not human men, at least, and didn’t use the bathroom. So, you’d been using it more or less freely. There were a few times it had been used to eat someone, but they were good about warning you, and you had yet to stumble into a bloodied room before Jackie had a chance to clean it up.

Poor Jackie…

Upon you reaching the bathroom, you pulled open the door. It was always kept shut, as it opened outwards into the hallway rather that inwards. You halted before entering, though, hand still on the doorknob, as the room was occupied.

Standing in the clawfoot bathtub was a tall, blond woman, probably the most beautiful woman you’d ever seen in real life, barely dressed, draped in sheer, red fabric. She was gently writhing where she stood, rubbing her body, and softly moaning. She didn’t seem to notice you standing in the doorway.

Suddenly, a face appeared directly in front of yours, only centimeters away, hissing violently. You let out a startled shriek at the instantaneous intrusion of your personal space, leaping back and slamming the door shut once again.

Your fight or flight response now abruptly over with, your brain was able to register what you had seen. Vladislav had dropped from the ceiling, his upside down face stopping directly in front of your right side up one, and hissed you out of the room.

Your heart was still pounding from the burst of adrenaline when the door flew open once again, nearly hitting you as it did so, to reveal Vladislav, still tying the sash of his red robe. His dark hair was fairly mussed, possibly from having just been upside down.

“I didn’t realize that was you,” he said calmly, almost too calmly given how quickly he had re-robed and opened the door. “Did you need something?”

You hesitated. You were a bit embarrassed of admitting your basic biological needs to someone who didn’t share them. Deciding to lie, you told him, “I just needed to wash my hands. Sorry. I didn’t realize anyone was in there. I’ll just go use my bathroom. I didn’t mean to interrupt.” At the word ‘interrupt,’ you quickly glanced down at his barely dressed body and back up to his face. If he noticed, he didn’t say anything.

“Don’t worry about it. You can use the sink; she left.”

“She left?” you asked in surprise. “How did she leave?” The bathroom only had the one door, and was an interior room with no windows. You looked behind him to find that the woman was no longer standing in the tub, nor was she anywhere in your line of sight.

“She just left.” You must have looked as confused as you felt, because Vladislav then clarified, “She’s a succubus.”

A succubus?

“An actual succubus?” you asked. “Like a demon woman? A demon you can summon for…?” You let your sentence trail off rather than say aloud what you were pretty certain a succubus was.

“Yes,” he answered simply, his arms crossing in front of him.

“Oh.” You walked past him and made your way to the sink, deciding to keep up the charade by washing your hands and using your own bathroom upstairs later. “I didn’t realize succubi were real.” It was technically the truth, as they hadn’t been mentioned in your werewolves and witches discussion, and it moved the conversation in a different, less personal direction than it seemed like it was heading before.

“Oh, yeah. Succubi, incubi, demons in general.”

When he spoke, you instinctively looked up to find him in the mirror behind you, and felt a brief, uncanny, sinking dread in the pit of your belly when you obviously couldn’t see him. You recovered quickly though, and dried your hands on the dingy hanging towel before turning to face him.

“Well, sorry, again for, uh… that,” you finished lamely.

“It’s fine. I can summon another one.” He said it so nonchalantly, like he was talking about his laundry schedule rather than his plans to spend the evening with a literal sex demon.

You felt your face heat.

Vladislav excused himself and made his way up the stairs, presumably to summon another succubus from the privacy of his own bedroom, and you stayed in the bathroom, waiting a fair amount of time before heading up to your own room.

You hadn’t really considered that your flatmates were sexual beings. Who would they have been sleeping with anyway? You hadn’t know that succubi existed, and you hadn’t ever seen any female vampires hanging around the house. You were all but certain they weren’t sleeping with each other. Not that you’d given it much thought before now, though. If you had, you probably would have come to the conclusion that it would be ridiculous for all of them to remain celibate for hundreds of years. You sure as hell couldn’t imagine going that long without sex. Of course they had sex.

You’d seen them with human women when you went out clubbing with them, and once Vladislav had a brought a woman home for what you had thought at the time was a one night stand. But, all of that was before you knew they were vampires. After that revelation, you’d dismissed those women you’d seen with them as mere victims, which they probably were. There’s no way they slept with the people they killed.

And when Viago had come to an incorrect and inappropriate conclusion about what you and Vladislav were up to the night you got your cross pendant, supposedly based on Vladislav’s history with women, that couldn’t have meant human women... right? Well, you were a human woman, and Viago had still misunderstood the situation. You could almost physically feel your mind grappling with its own confusion. How would that even work? It’s not like they could consider their human victims as people or as individuals in the same way they would another vampire they were sleeping with, not without an astounding degree of cognitive dissonance, anyway. Though, it’s not like you had to care about someone in any way in order to have sex. That was the whole premise behind one night stands. You supposed it might be possible for a vampire to fuck someone just for the sake of fucking, then kill and eat them. After all, if the line isn’t drawn at murder, why would it be drawn at meaningless sex? If you had to get murdered, having decent sex beforehand would likely be better than not.

You pushed the topic from your mind as you headed upstairs. You really shouldn’t fixate on your flatmates’ sex lives.

~

The flat you shared with Dawn was a typical flat in just about every way, including that the walls were paper thin. That fact, and the fact that your bedrooms shared a wall in common, meant that you could plainly hear the noises coming from her room right now.

Dawn had told you she was bringing a Tinder date home, warning you well in advance. She’d dropped hints suggesting she’d rather you leave and give them run of the flat, but the sad fact was that you had nowhere else to go. She tried to get you to sign up for Tinder, and maybe find a date of your own for the evening, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. You’d used Tinder before. It wasn’t as if you had any philosophical objections to dating apps. But it felt different this time, like you were doing something wrong.

So, you were holed up in your room, tucked into your bed with a bowl of popcorn and a water bottle, binging some forgettable show on Netflix while your flatmate and only friend was getting audibly railed only one paper thin wall away.

It was fine, honestly, not a big deal. Thin walls were thin walls. This was just how having flatmates was. Despite the fact that you didn’t know who this guy was, it was hardly the first time you’d had to listen to Dawn have sex. She’d dated her ex, Zach, for a long time, and he’d spent many nights at your apartment.

You plugged your earbuds into your laptop and turned up the volume, drowning out the noise. Problem solved.

Just like with Tinder, though, this felt different from before. When the noises started up, you hadn’t immediately put your earbuds in to block it out. Instead, you’d listened for a bit. Not with any perverted or voyeuristic intentions, though. The gasps, moans, and exclamations of two people having sex wasn’t an unfamiliar sound. You’d had flatmates for as long as you’d been an adult, and you’d been involved in such noisemaking yourself. No, it wasn’t unfamiliar. It was distant.

Sex seemed like something a lifetime away from you. Intangible and unreachable, almost mythic. You missed having sex. It was more than just feeling lustful, though. It wasn’t really a desire to get off; it was more so a desire for sex, itself. You had been feeling so alone. You craved the intimacy of it all. Bodies moving with each other, against each other, inside of each other. Sharing breath and sweat and fluid with another person. Feeling a pair of lips, their bruising pressure against your own. The pressing weight of a body on top of yours, pinning you down. The noises you could elicit from them, and the involuntary sounds they’d pull from you.

You weren’t even sure that the last time you remember having sex was the last time you had sex. It felt like a cosmic betrayal, that the universe or your own mind or whatever it was could have taken such memories, experiences, from you.

In fact, you were almost certain that it had.

If Dawn was correct, and you had, in fact, been in a romantic relationship for the better part of a year, then you’d be shocked if you hadn’t slept with him. Vlad. What had it been like? Had you been compatible? Was it any good?

Not for the first time, you found yourself wondering what he had looked like. But instead of contemplating his potential height, hair, eyes, or smile, you considered for the first time details like his hands. Were they big? With fingers that were long or fingers that were broad? How had his hands felt tangled in you hair, pressed against your hips, grasping at your breasts? Were his lips full or were they thin? What did they look like as he called out your name? How did they feel pressed against your own, pressed against your neck, moving against you as you bucked against them?

How could you not know these things?

You felt hot tears forming in the corners of your eyes, and a hard lump in your throat at the sheer injustice of your lost memories, and the utter helplessness you felt at getting them back.

[the-old-dip-and-stir]

a-z nsfw headcanons: arthur morgan

(i’ve had this in drafts for idk how long, but i saw other people posting theirs, so here we are.)

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

super cuddly. the man is a teddy bear. tons of kisses. so many sweet caresses. will definitely pamper his s/o if he can. pls pamper him too, he deserves it. it’ll be the biggest and best surprise cuz he never expects it.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

arthur’s (and his partner’s) is his hands. hands that have done tough work, killed, robbed, all kinds of things but at the end of the day they can be used for loving. he used to hate them but his partner showed him that his hands could do good things too. he likes everything about his partner, but his favorite part is their mouth. oh what wonderful things they can do to him with that mouth.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

in that lifestyle, pregnancy is the last thing he needs (for vagina bearers), so he typically likes to paint his partner with his cum. spilling on to their hand, stomach, thigh, chest, face, and into their mouth. anal however, he will cum inside, but like i said, he likes to paint. so he may spill into and on to his partner’s ass. if he’s been holding back on sex or any kind of pleasure, expect the biggest load of your life. otherwise, he cums a relatively normal amount.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

he has a collection of naughty pictures of his partner, and a secret list of things he wants to to them.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

well it’s not his first rodeo, but he also hasn’t been with very many people. he has enough experience to show someone a good time and neither go unsatisfied. he’s got a basic understanding of pleasuring someone, so you’re not gonna be blown out of the water in the first minute or so. give him some time to explore and trust me, you’ll have a good time.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

he usually likes having his partner face him to see their reactions and so he has access to their mouth. so missionary, cowgirl, or sex up against a wall or tree. mirror sex is also fun for him.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

arthur is mostly serious during sex since he likes to make sure his partner is comfortable, but he’s very capable and liable to tease. mr. morgan can be cheeky when he wants. definitely a giggler when sated

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

arthur is pretty hairy guy BUT he does try to keep the area maintained. if not for his partner, for his own personal tastes. it gets on his nerves when it gets wild.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…) 

huge softie. biggest romantic. especially when having sex with his partner for the first time. it’s a vulnerable moment for both him and who he’s with. if you tell him that you love him or praise him, he might cry. it’s just more emotions on top of a lot of emotions. he’s nOT READY.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

he usually doesn’t unless he’s really in the mood and his s/o isn’t available. that’s where those naughty pictures come in handy (hA). if not then, sometimes he’ll put on a show for his s/o. he likes seeing them get worked up over him pleasuring himself.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

some light bondage, for sure. boah is good at tying knots. definitely a praise kink. might be down for a little roleplay. maybe a little homestead robbery turning into a fuckfest. maybe a hostage situation. he’s got a list of things he’s thought about doing, all categorized in yeses, maybes, and might be too muches.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

he likes having privacy, tbfh. sex in camp is difficult to do, especially when he knows he’s gonna get shit for it in the morning. so he may rent a room in a nearby town or just go on a long trip with his partner and have sex out in the wild.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

honestly, anything his partner does can get him going, but their mouth does things to him. licking their lips, biting their lower lip, smirking, the way their lips look wrapped around the rim of a beer bottle. he has a bit of a fixation.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

s&m. he doesn’t mind a bit of pain; maybe a smack on the ass, his s/o’s nails scratching at his back, love bites, but never wants to actually hit his partner. spanking would probably be as far as he would go. he tried smacking his s/o in the face one time during a rough sex night since they asked, he wasn’t a fan of it. he held back but the print that formed on their face still rubbed him the wrong way. so he doesn’t mind being rough with ya but he doesn’t want to push it so far that he actually hurts you, even if you like it.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

he likes both really, but is more inclined to give. if receiving, he will always give back, no if’s, ands, or buts. when giving he won’t expect anything in return. he’s doing it because he wants you to feel good. he’s fairly good at oral once he knows what you like, but if it’s the first time, he may fumble around until he gets it right, so patience!

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

it depends really, but his tried and true is a nice combination of the two. but a majority of the time it’s sensual and slow, he definitely puts the love into lovemaking. fast and rough is for those desperate, heated times. when all he wants to to do is just fuck cuz he’s horny (shocker, being in love makes him a horny bastard).

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

he doesn’t hate quickies, sometimes that’s all he has time for in the mornings before someone comes barging in and asking for something. it happens often, especially when in camp.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

he’s willing to try things. i mean, the man has a list. risk is ingrained into just about everything he does, so some risky sex isn’t off the table. of course, everything has to be consensual. he doesn’t want his s/o to be scared or uncomfortable with what their doing.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

let’s be real, arthur is pushing 40, so while his stamina may be pretty decent, he can’t go a lot of rounds. given how much he works and runs around, he can last a good bit, but don’t expect him to cum more than maybe twice. he’s not young and spry, he’s getting a little older now. cumming multiple times ain’t gonna be easy for him.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

while sex toys did exist during the late 19th century, arthur wouldn’t really have easy access to them. most sex toys at the time were purely for “medical” use at the time anyhow. butt plugs that cure constipation? yeah, okay. a modern day arthur though would love using toys, and definitely wouldn’t be against his partner using them on him. it wouldn’t anything fancy, maybe a nice dildo, a vibrator, and probably a butt plug. he likes making his partner feel good, not to mention he’s a goddamn tease.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

oh he loves drawing it out if he can. he’ll even do little things throughout the day to drive his s/o crazy. he loves it even more when they do it back. it’s a fun game and ends in a very fun time as well. so much edging and dirty talk, WOOWEE.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

he’s usually very quiet, he had to learn how to be when he masturbated in camp. so it’s mostly sighs. in a private setting, he’s willing to let loose a little, but even then he’s still not very loud. it’s a lot of grunts, groans, and cursing.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

he’s really into all the sounds made from sex. he loves the sounds that come from his partner, whether he’s pleasuring them or their pleasuring themselves. the hip smacking, the wet noises, the moans. he LOVES that shit. he could get off to just that (in fact, he already has.)

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

arthur has more girth than length. length wise, he’s slightly above average. girth wise, he’ll feel like he can split you in half if not properly prepared. he’s at least over 5 inches (12.7 cm) in length (keep in mind that average is about 5.16 inches [13.12 cm]). as for girth; well my hands are kinda small, they’re probably 6 inches in length, and that’s from the heel of my palm to the tip of my middle finger. so my fingers would only touch when my nails are grown out a bit. so baby is THICC. also given the time period, he’ll most likely be uncut.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

he’s the type to be horny for someone he’s in love with, but it’s actually a pretty normal and healthy libido. he may have trouble getting it up on occasion though. drinking and depression will do that. his affection drive, however, is really high, bb likes to cuddle and hold ya hand.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

he won’t lie about being wore out after a round. he’s may not be old, but he’s definitely not as young as he used to be. arthur doesn’t get knocked out immediately, he’s mostly in a happy, sleepy state. he stays up for long as he can until he struggles to keep his eyes open. he also likes getting some kisses in after the fact so expect falling asleep while kissing.