#honestly I didn’t know I could draw birds

[livinginshambles]

I want to be loved first | James Potter

Pairing: James Potter x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 4.0k

Summary: Established relationship and angst: James still loves Lily, it's clear to you. You try to ignore the way your heart aches when you always seem to be second on his mind, knowing you will never compare to her and unsure how much more you can take.

Notes: Its happy ending again, sorry guys. I'd say no beta, we die like fred, but that feels too soon so anyway, spelling and grammar mistakes probably.

Masterlist

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People have often told you that you need to toughen up and grow a spine. That your lack of backbone had everyone trample on you like you were a crosswalk, and you could definitely say that they were right.

Perhaps that's why you were crying in the middle of the night because of James Potter. He was laying behind you, pressed against your back with an arm draped over you. His face was hidden in the back of your neck, breathing steadily against it as he slept peacefully, unaware of the heartache he was causing you when he whispered Lily's name. Again.

When he'd done it the first time, your blood had run cold, goosebumps showing up and littering your bare arms. Tears had prickled in your eyes at his barely audible, mumbled confession. "Love you so much Lily."

You had turned around to face him and your rustling had woken him up. Eyes still closed, he'd groggily shifted and pulled you against his chest. “Everything alright, love?”

“Yeah, just a nightmare,” you had responded in a small voice. Your answer had him finally open his eyes, somewhat concerned. He had lifted his arm to yawn against it and then settled it back on top of you in such a way that his hand had easy access to your nape, drawing circles in an attempt to calm you.

“I've got you, love. Nothing can hurt you, as long as I'm here,” he had assured you.

Ironic.

So now here you were lying down, your tears were freely rolling down your face and you were glad that the curtains of the bed were closed, leaving you in a private space, despite sleeping in the boy’s dormitory. It would be another sleepless night for you, it seemed.

When James stretched his arms to reach for you about four hours later, he frowned and sat up, confused at the lack of your presence. He pushed the red drapes aside and peeked into the room. Sirius was still asleep, face down. Peter was most likely curled up inside the pile of blankets on his bed and Remus was sitting up in bed, a book in his lap.

Even though it was the weekend, and you were anything but an early bird, you slipped out of bed in the early morning. You were sure that your eyes were red and puffy and didn’t want James to mention it.

He looked up when he heard James and raised his eyebrows in question when he noticed no one else behind him. “Have you seen Y/N?” James asked, sleep still heavily laced in his voice. Remus shook his head in thought. “No,” he whispered quietly, an eye on Sirius beside him. “I’ve been up since four in the morning though.”

James’ frown deepened. That meant that you had snuck out before that. But why? He got dressed impressively fast and descended the stairs to the common room. You were sitting at the tip of your chair, deeply engrossed into your transfiguration assignment, several books piled, some laying open, scattered across the small table.

You felt two arms securely wrap around you, almost melting in their designated position. “Morning,” James kissed your cheek.

You bit your lip, took a breath, and cast your hurt feelings aside. You turned your head and flashed him a smile. “Good morning, Jamie.” James took the opportunity of your head, tilted upwards at him, and dipped down to press his lips softly against yours, pecking you once, twice. “You’re up early,” he commented and nudged you. He slipped behind you, body fully relaxing into your back now.

“Couldn’t sleep,” you replied honestly and you leaned back into him. You laughed softly when you noticed his eyes drooping. “You’re tired, Jamie. Go back to sleep.” James made a sound but didn’t move, instead slouching even more against you.

“Hm, no, I missed you this morning. I’ll stay here,” he decided and drifted off to sleep. You didn’t doubt that he loved you.

“Go on a date with me next Friday,” James asked you while he was escorting you to your herbology class. You looked up at him surprised. “A date?” you dumbly repeated, trying not to be too excited about the prospect of a date. James usually ended up having things to do that he really couldn't get out of, so you would always end up canceling your dates.

James laughed and slung his arm around your shoulders. “Exactly. You and me alone. I was thinking of a picnic by the lake, no one else around, and maybe we could snog, but I’m also down to cuddle.” Your eyes crinkled up amusedly. “Don’t you have Quidditch, Jamie,” you raised your eyebrows. “You always have Quidditch practice after class,” you pointed out.

“Not next Friday. I already checked to make sure I didn't double book anything, and I warned Pads that I'm not taking on any new pranks until next week to avoid detention.” he grinned. “Friday will be one of those rare days when I have time to have my girl all to myself the entire afternoon.” His face then turned apologetic. “I know I don’t have much time to take you out, so Friday'll be perfect and I’ll make it up to you.” You threw your arms around his neck and hummed appreciatively in it. “I’d love that.”

James wrapped his arms around you and pulled you in for a kiss. “Prongs!” Sirius shouted from a distance. “Everyone is already waiting for you for Quidditch practice, how far are you going to escort her? I mean the greenhouse is on the other side of Hogwarts, mate,” Sirius complained but he blew you a dramatic kiss that James waved away with a sour look.

“Go on,” you laughed and untangled yourself from his arms. He quickly pressed a kiss to your lips and sprinted off towards the Quidditch field.

James dropped into the seat next to you. “Long time no see, love,” he said. You snorted. “James, I saw you two hours ago.” James shrugged, and flirtily smiled. “I said what I said.”

Professor McGonagall entered the classroom and class started. You were jotting down everything she said in a neat handwriting, knowing that James would end up asking to lend your notes, of course by offering kisses in return.

You glanced beside you and were surprised to find him hunched over his notebook, scribbling away. Impressed at the thought that he was actually paying attention, you couldn’t help but peer down at his notes and saw that he was sketching a girl.

Though he wasn’t the greatest artist, you could clearly see that the girl on the paper looked nothing like you, and instead had features that were strikingly similar to Lily. When James looked up from his drawing and glanced to his right where she was sitting, her eyes focused on Professor McGonagall, you felt your heart constrict again, but still decided not to comment on it. He was free to draw whoever he felt like drawing, you reminded yourself.

Jealousy is ugly.

You were sitting in the library, helping a third year with Defense against the dark arts theory, when James barged in, earning several disturbed looks and a threatening glare from the librarian.

“James?” you called to him quietly and motioned for him. James’ eyes spotted you and he slid over to you, wringing his hands together, biting his lips and his eyes darting around.

“You’re nervous,” You remarked while you eyed him up and down. “Or you feel bad. What is it?”

James let out a deep sigh at your bluntness, though he supposed it would be better to get straight to the point. “We can’t go on a date next week, I’ve got prefect stuff, gotta patrol.” You stared at him, your disappointment was visible on your face and James looked at the ground.

“But you already had patrol this week? Isn’t it every other week?” You asked, a bummed out look on your face.

“Well, actually, Lily asked me if I could do rounds with her next week,” he admitted. “Her usual assigned partner was injured during Quidditch practice apparently.”

“Oh.” You didn’t know what to say. You were pretty sure she could ask anyone else for next week or just do the rounds herself as you’ve seen James do it alone for two weeks too when his assigned partner had gone home for a family emergency.

“Is it really vital that you have to go?” You couldn’t help but ask.

"I already said yes." James offered an apologetic smile. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise. We can go on a date the week after.” There was a pause and then, “Actually that’ll probably have to wait for the week after that.”

'Imagine having to schedule a simple date, three to four weeks in advance and even then not being guaranteed that nothing would come in between,' you sighed.

You shrugged, a sudden wave of defeat and exhaustion crashing over you. Why did you have to compete for your boyfriend in the first place? 'How tiring', you realized.

You waved him away. “It can’t be helped, I guess,” you somewhat coldly told him, and turned back to the student next to you who was awkwardly looking away. James stood next to you in silence for a moment, still looking at you. You looked up at the lack of the sound of receding footsteps and looked at him questioningly, waving your hand in a ‘what is it?’ manner.

“I can tell her no,” James said, something that looked like a pout on his face. He hated making you feel bad, despite constantly but unconsciously doing it.

“You don’t want to tell her no,” you retorted.

"I would for you.”

“Well, considering that you haven’t told her no by now and are instead here telling me that we have to rearrange our plans, I think you should just go help Lily with rounds.”

James was taken aback by your bitter tone, eyes immediately wide, alarmed that you were really affected by his decision. “Love, I-“

You waved your hand again. “No, I’m sorry,” you apologized before he could. You rubbed your eyes in an exhausted manner. Jealousy was not a good look, you reminded yourself again. “Just really looked forward to that picnic with just you and me.”

“We’ll still have that picnic another time though,” James tried to assure you, but you were no longer looking at him. He realized that the conversation was over and that you wanted to be left alone right now.

“I love you,” James tried one last time and you sighed. " I love you more.” Your words resonated even after James left, knowing that they might be more true than you wanted to admit. You cleared your throat and when you faced the girl next to you, she shot you a sympathetic look.

The last drop was during Potions class. Potions was something you were good at. Maybe not better than Severus Snape, but you did excel in it.

So, if there was one class in which you expected James to want to be your partner, it was Potions class. Perhaps it was arrogant of you to assume such a thing, because when Professor Slughorn had announced that everyone would be paired up, and asked James who he wanted to partner up with, you hadn't expected him to glance at Lily first, which resulted in Professor Slughorn pairing the two together before James could say your name, which in his defense, was what he was planning on saying.

Without sparing you a glace, he left your table to take the seat next to Lily's. Sure, it was mostly a miscommunication issue on Slughorn's part, but did James have to skip over so happily?

“Love you so much, Lily.”

The words repeated in your head when you saw him look at her so fondly and before you could stop yourself, you scribbled a message on a piece of paper, in which you asked him to meet you in the tower, before sending it his way.

You had clung onto James because you were absolutely in love with him and refused to lose him. But it really was a futile battle, you would never compare to her. His first crush, first love, first kiss if you count that one time during ‘spin the bottle’ and his first heartbreak. You’ll always be second, even if he genuinely loves you.

James snapped his head up at you from his attempted conversation with Lily when he got your note, suddenly remembering you, but you were laughing, engrossed in a conversation with a flustered Peter who had almost set the two of you on fire by adding the wrong ingredient. When you left class, you saw James and Lily still talking while calmly packing up.

James entered the tower, holding the note that you had passed him during class. He was smiling cheekily and quickly skipped over, arms ready to wrap around your waist as he leaned in for a kiss, no doubt thinking you asked him to sneak away for a snog.

“We need to talk,” you stopped him, and his grin fell from his face, a serious expression now adorning it. “Everything alright love?” he asked, an odd feeling growing inside of him at your tone. He was suddenly rather unsure if he really wanted to.

'Nothing better than to rip the band aid off', you thought.

“I want to break up.”

There was a long moment of silence while James was registering your words, repeating them in his head over and over again to see if there was any chance that he could have interpreted that incorrectly.

“What?” He eventually said out loud in disbelief. Though he wanted to step forward, reach for you and hold you tightly as if to show that he wouldn’t let you go, his body was inwilling to move.

“Why are y-, I thought we were good?” The crack in his voice didn’t go unnoticed by you. Your heart ached for him, but you were determined to stay strong and say your piece for once. To voice your thoughts and go through with tough decisions that you knew would be for the better.

“We’re not, James,” you sighed. “I know that you know that.”

James shook his head in denial. “No, I don’t know that,” he insisted. His brain was racking through all the instances where he did something wrong and - with the exception of next Friday's date - came up blank.

“But you love me,” he stated, mostly to himself, but it came out more of a question. “Of course,” you confirmed without hesitation.

James’ body finally unfroze, and he surged forward, his hands fumbled to hold your hands. “And I love you,” he stressed, panic starting to rise up. “I love you so much, I’ll take a Veritaserum potion if you want. I just, why would you-, I don’t understand the problem-,”

“I know you love me, James. The problem is that I love you so much more,” you calmly interrupted him. James’ eyes scanned your face to look for answers because none of it maded sense to him.

“I want someone who loves me as much as I love him. Someone who gives me all his love, not just a part that he managed to set apart for me too. And I want to be loved first. Not second. I don't want to be a consolation prize because your first option didn't work out.”

James’ eyes flickered in realization, but his head was still shaking in denial. “I am that someone,” he urged, trying to convince you. He shot you a pleading look. “I love you first, I swear.” He pressed a kiss to the back of your hand, and you pulled it away from his grasp.

“Not first,” you shook your head sadly. “Not when you call for Lily in your sleep, and whisper that you love her.” You watch as James’ frown deepened, mixed expressions crossing his face in surprise, confusion and even bewilderment.

Would he not even admit it?

“Not when you have us rearrange our plans for her, when you draw portraits of her during class, or when you practically jump to be her potions partner. I'm not stupid, James. I see the way you look at her.” You continued to list off the things that happened just this past week, not even bothering to mention all the things that bothered you the past months. Your eyes looked sad and tired, and you took another deep breath. “So, I want to break up.”

James felt like crying, his mind thinking back to everything you said, and knowing that you were right. “I’m sorry,” he tried. “I’m an absolute twat, I know that. I promise you I don’t love Lily, she’s just still very important to me.” You offered him a sympathetic smile.

“I know she’s important to you, I just think that maybe you don’t know what or who you want. And I won’t share my boyfriend anymore, I’m selfish like that,” You joked halfheartedly. James didn’t react, save for wrapping his arms around you. You allowed James to embrace you and he buried his head in your hair, his eyes closed as if he wanted to go to sleep and forget this was happening.

“Okay,” James whispered. What else was he supposed to say?

You closed yours as well. James would get over you in no time, you were certain. You two hadn’t been dating for that long, and perhaps James could find a happy ending in Lily after all.

James had sort of avoided you after that. You thought he was doing it because he was angry, but in reality, he was just scared that he would burst into tears the moment he saw you, and he refused to watch you laugh happily, swatting your friend while he wanted nothing more than to hold your hand again.

His mind had completely become occupied by you and he stayed in bed over the weekend, mostly wallowing in self-pity and misery.

When Monday started, he had skipped all classes and only dragged himself out of bed for Quidditch practice and patrol with Lily. Walking next to her in silence, occasionally glancing at her, he felt his stomach sink again. How ironic that when he looked at Lily, all he could think about was you.

James walked through the corridor on Friday, on his way to the courtyard to meet up with Lily again to do rounds with her. He hadn’t been able to sleep peacefully without you. At first, he had been thinking about every instance where he prioritized Lily over you, and it had him curse himself out in his pillow. He missed you. It was so ridiculous, but he missed you to the point that he would curl up in bed with a stomach ache.

He had finally drifted off when at some point in the middle of the night, he had been shaken awake by Sirius.

“What?” James had asked, his throat dry and raspy. He’d looked around, disoriented.

“Thought you were having a nightmare Prongs. You kept mumbling her name. How much you loved her,” Sirius had handed James a glass of water.

James became wide awake and sat up straight in panic. “Lily?” He had asked Sirius, his stomach turning with nausea. He still couldn’t believe that he really talked about Lily in his sleep when you were lying next to him.

“What? No, Y/N’s name of course.” Sirius had corrected him. 'Of course,' James shook his head at Sirius’ words. “Figured you were reliving your breakup,” Sirius had explained.

James was looking through the passing windows of the castle where he could see the lake in the far distance. Suddenly something in his brain clicked. What in Godrick's name was he doing, avoiding you? Why was he giving up on you without a fight? You both loved each other; he was just the idiot who couldn’t sort himself out. But it didn’t take him longer than a terrible week to open his eyes.

James’ pace increased and he ran through the corridor. “No running in the corridors young man,” a portrait commented, but he paid it no mind.

Lily was already waiting for him and raised her eyebrows at his disheveled state and the basket that he was carrying. “I can’t do rounds with you today,” he puffed out. “I told Y/N that I would take her out for a picnic and then you asked me if I could help, and I agreed, but it’s so stupid because I should be-, I am choosing her,” James ranted. “I’m not letting you come first, or even second.”

Lily wasn’t really sure what James was rambling on about but gave him a kind smile, nonetheless. “Well, what are you waiting for,” she encouraged him. “Sounds to me like you shouldn’t be here, but somewhere else.”

“Yeah, I definitely should.”

You sat by the lake, skipping stones from a sitting position, not that you were having any luck. You hadn't seen James in a while because he avoided you, and you felt sadness wash over you. You were sure that he would get over you quick enough, but you wondered how long would it take for you to get over him?

You heard rustling behind you but kept facing forward. It was only when a delicious smell reached you, that you turned around, slightly annoyed that someone would really choose this spot to have an afternoon meal at when they could’ve sat literally anywhere else near the lake, as well as choose this moment when you wanted to act like a depressed main protagonist gazing in the distance.

You were, however, not prepared to see James stand behind you, out of breath and making his way over to you, a blanket and food spread out behind him. He didn’t really need to say anything. You understood from the way he showed up here, a hopeful expression on his face.

Your heart skipped a beat, and you got up, dusting yourself off.

"Hi," James breathed. An unsure smile formed on his face when you waved back. "I uh, I brought food." He awkwardly motioned to the picnic behind him and you couldn't help but smile at his adorableness.

“Shouldn’t you be somewhere else,” you couldn’t help but lightheartedly remark. James let out an airy chuckle, immediately relaxing at your open demeanor.

“100% sure I’m where I should be,” he affirmed. He considered his words and corrected himself. "Where I want to be."

His words had you take off in a sprint towards him and James opened his arms to catch you when you jumped, locking your legs around him. Ironically enough, it felt as if a weight had fallen off of James. His head fell against your shoulder and he shakily laughed while your blouse stained with tears of relief.

"I'm really sorry," he looked up at you, still holding you steadily. You leaned down to press your forehead against his, and your hands came up to his cheeks. "You made up your mind," you said, but it came out like a question, and James nodded hastily.

"And you'll make it up to me."

"Of course," he earnestly replied. "I want us. I'll fight for us." You closed the gap between the two of you.

“I love you,” he whispered breathlessly against your lips.

Not first or second, not more, most or less. He just loves you.

Taglist:

@elsie-bells @charlie-weasley-is-underrated @dreamingofmarauders @moonyslibrary98 @wildernessflora @hollandweather @queerqueenlynn @locklyebrainrot @thisrandombitch @grac3aph3lion @earfquak3 @venomsvl @shrekscrustybudassy @middle-of-the-earth @sirene-noir @bettytaylorversion @littlepoisonmushroom @faumpje @iloveutwice @katelebate @moonysupremacy01 @marina468 @fangirl-kimora @bellesowl @badasswlthafatass @sjprongs @armydrcamers @its-a-ittle-bit-cold @ireallywannasleep127 @sayukoi @jsjcue @cashtons-wife @idllyastuff @severegiantjudgefriend @ivy-34 @wolfmoonmusic

[harryspet]

bambi eyes (3) r. cameron

[Warnings] soft!dark!rafe cameron x reader, daddy!rafe x little!reader older!rafe, crimeboss!rafe, rafe takes advantage of traumatized reader, DUBCON, dd/lg, sex trafficking, sexual slavery, sugar daddy rafe, stockholm syndrome, spoiling kink, unprotected sex, forced? age regression, little editing, 18+ READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

word count: 3.4k

In which you do your best to deal with your Daddy's mood swings.

main masterlist

bambi eyes masterlist

You felt like you were seeing Rafe less and less as the next two weeks went on. He was stressed about what was going on with work. He often paced back and forth in front of you, ranting, although he was never specific about the details of what was going on. 

You noticed that he grabbed you tighter, pushed you harder into the mattress, and talked less during sex whenever something outside was affecting him. You were starting to accept it; it never hurt too much, and you’d be more scared if he weren’t interested in you in that way. If he didn’t want to be intimate with you, then there was a chance he wouldn’t want you anymore. 

As much as Rafe promised you this was permanent, you couldn’t fully believe him. He had done all of this just for you, so you had to be able to offer him something special in return. 

Like Rafe wanted, you established a routine. Every morning the birds would wake you up exactly at eight, and you’d make your bed which kept you from napping all day. Staying in your room was causing your imagination to stretch.  You found new ways to entertain yourself, including trying on all the clothes in your wardrobe and throwing elaborate tea parties with all your stuffed animals and dolls. 

One night that you thought would be like the last twelve nights, Rafe came to you after Lana had already brought you dinner. He wasn’t dressed in his usual khakis and dress shirt but in sweatpants and a pullover. You were curled up on the window seat, drawing flowers in a notebook, when Rafe came over to join you. 

“Hi,” You spoke softly. He placed a warm hand on your knee, and you slowly closed your notebook. 

“Hi, baby,” There was an ease and calmness to his voice that made you believe he’d actually had a good day, “What are you working on? Show me.”

You sat up, leaning closer, as you handed him the notebook. You hid slightly behind your knees as Rafe began to flip through the pages. At this point, you’d covered half of the pages in your doodles, “Oh wow, these are really pretty, Bambi,” He smiled with his entire face, including his bright eyes, “We should hang some of these on the fridge.”

You felt a bit of relief, hearing that he liked him, “I have more. Way more. I’ve colored a lot of the coloring books.”

“Go get them, I’ll pick my favorites,” Excitedly, you got up from the window seat. When you set several full coloring books in his lap, Rafe’s lips parted in shock, “Okay, wow, I don’t think I realized how much coloring you’d been doing.”

“I think it’s fun,” You said. 

“Good, I want you to have fun,” Rafe nodded, “But have you worn down all your color pencils? How come you haven’t asked for more?”

You shrugged when Rafe gave you an inquisitive look, “I try to take care of the ones I have.”

“Would you even ask Daddy for more coloring books if you ran out of pages to color?”

“Maybe,” You spoke honestly. 

The idea of asking for more than what Rafe had already given you did make your heart race. Rafe shook his head at something, “Daddy will get you lots more art supplies. Maybe you could try painting?”

“We could paint together?” You perked up. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Rafe assured you, “I’m really, really sorry I haven’t been here as much as I’ve wanted to. Needed to, really. It’s just … I’m working on a lot of things right now, you know?”

“I’ve been okay,” You said, “Lana has been kind to me.”

“Good, good, I want you to be happy here, you know? That’s why I want you comfortable asking for things,” You watched Rafe’s eyes wander towards the bookshelf, “Like your books. I never see you reading them. Do you not like them?”

“I do,” You said quickly.

Rafe started to stare deeply at you, “What-what is it?”

“I . . . “

“I can pick some different ones for you? What do you like?”

“I like it when you read to me, Daddy,” Rafe tilted his head and the mentioning of his nickname didn’t light up his features like usual, “It’s hard for me. I never needed to … do that.”

He paused, which made you think you’d done something wrong, “You’ve never needed to read?”

“I can do it,” You said, “It’s hard when they’re all together, and there’s so many… the words. I’m sorry you think I don’t like the books you picked. I really do. I will try harder–”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Rafe rushed to put the coloring books aside and grab ahold of your face, “I just didn’t know, that’s it. You didn’t do anything wrong. At all.”

It wasn’t something you’d ever felt embarrassed about, but now you couldn’t help but feel stupid. Deep down, you felt a guy like Rafe deserved someone better. He deserved someone smarter than you. 

You closed your eyes, wanting to hang your head, but Rafe said, “Look at me, hey,” Weakly, you did, “I’ve been thinking that you should spend more time with Lana instead of being cooped up in here. At least until I can take care of this … one problem I have. She’d be happy to have some company. And, if you want to learn, she could help you with your reading.”

“You don’t care?”

“Not at all, look, don’t worry. I’ve got you, sweet girl,” He said. Rafe leaned in to peck your nose before he brought your lips together. You melted into him, realizing then how much you missed him when he was gone, “You know what I was thinking?”

You stared back at Rafe, who had a mischievous look in his eye. 

“We should take the boat out.”

“Now? Where?” 

“Just on a short ride to get you some fresh air. It’ll be cold, so let’s find you some warmer clothes, yeah?”

It was a rhetorical question; Rafe was already making his way over to your wardrobe. You looked down at the small silk pajama set you were wearing. You’d seen all the boats out by the dock but hadn’t imagined that Rafe would take you out on one. “Lift your arms,” You did exactly as he said, pulling a light blue sweatshirt over your head. He also chose long pajama bottoms, helping you get into those, too, “You want to bring one of your stuffies?”

Your excitement mixed with your anxiety as you put on your slippers. It was a hard decision to make about which stuffed animal you wanted to bring, but you settled on Fin, your silvery-blue dolphin, “Excellent choice.”

Rafe grabbed your hand, leading you downstairs, “Do you think we’ll see a real dolphin?”

“Well, they tend to be more active during the day, and it’ll be dark soon … but maybe if you wish really, really hard.”

The air was much cooler outside than you expected, and you certainly didn’t expect it to feel so strange being in the fresh air. You turned in a circle just so you could take in the sky, the trees, the house, and everything around you. 

You followed a determined Rafe across the yard and towards the deck. He chose one of the smaller boats, although there was room for at least four more people. You yelped when Rafe grabbed you by your waist suddenly and lifted you inside. Another yelp escaped your lips as the boat rocked under the pressure of your weight, “You’re okay, don’t worry,” He didn’t have to tell you to take a seat or be still; you decided you wouldn’t move at all, “One . . . moment.”

You watched through the corner of your eyes as Rafe untied the roaps keeping the boat tethered to the dock. The boat rocked again as Rafe hopped inside, causing you to grip Fin in one hand and grip the side of the boat in the other. 

You sat in the seat right across from Rafe as the boat slowly pulled off towards deeper water. As the boat became more steady, you turned your head and watched Tannyhill get smaller and smaller. The orange and blue sky reflected off the water, creating an insanely beautiful view. You sailed towards the horizon, the son looking half submerged in the water, “How do you feel?” Rafe yelled over the sound of the motor, “Wanna go faster?”

You nodded, a smile growing on your face, “My little daredevil, huh?” You sat up on your knees, wanting to see more. You get a better look at Figure 8, seeing lots of huge houses along the beach, although none of them compare to Tannyhill. Rafe pointed out different landmarks for you, including the country club and a huge lighthouse out in the water. In your eyes, this night made every other night where you worried about your place with Rafe worth it. 

“Go ahead, you can give it a taste test,” Lana conceded, allowing you to dip your finger into the chocolate cake batter. A few days after your night out with Rafe, Lana was showing you how to make the perfect chocolate cake. You thought she might be exaggerating about how perfect it was until you were licking your finger. An excited moan left your mouth and you bounced on the balls of your feet, “It’s great, isn’t it? Espresso powder is the key.”

“It really is,” You agreed. 

“Now, wash your hands. It’s time to pour our batter.” 

The entire day Lana had told you exactly what to do and how to do it. You didn’t mind listening or following her directions as she usually spoke to you warmly. Besides that, you wanted to learn exactly how to take care of things around the house, knowing that Rafe would appreciate your help when Lana couldn’t be here. The two of you cleaned the entire downstairs, did several loads of laundry, washed the windows in the glass patio, and even had time for a reading lesson in the early morning. She informed you that she homeschooled her youngest son and that she would try to teach you in a similar way. 

As you washed your hands, you glanced out the side window towards the dock. You could see Rafe far out on the dock, standing with the same business associate who came to the house a few weeks ago. They weren’t alone like you were expecting; someone was on their knees a few feet ahead of them, their head slumped over. You squinted your eyes, trying to see more of them, although Rafe and his business associate shouting at each other blocked your view, “What are they doing out there? Who’s that?” Lana came over to where you were standing, peeking out just like you were. 

Whatever business Rafe was involved in, Lana didn’t seem to care for it, “Mr. Cameron and Barry, they’re always at each other’s throats,” She shook her head, “Come, dry your hands. The oven is heated.”

You did as she said, turning your head away. There were going to be several layers to your cake, meaning you had three pans to fill, and after that, you and Lana would make the icing. Just as your mind wandered back to Rafe, you heard him coming through the kitchen door. 

He wiped the sweat from his forehead, pacing for a moment before his dark eyes landed on you, “Bambi, let’s … uhm, go upstairs,” His voice was shaky and deeper than normal, “Come here.”

“We’re-We’re just about to put the cake in the oven. It’s for tonight, and we’re going to make homemade icing too–”

“Now …please,” He said the last word like it was painful, “It’s time for you to go back to your room.”

No, no, no, a voice repeated in your head. 

“But Lana was going to teach me how to ice the cake, too and she —”

“Fine,” Rafe snapped, his hand slamming against the counter before he rolled his eyes, “Just stay here.” 

As Rafe stomped away, you knew you had something horribly wrong. You’d seen him in a similar mood before but he never directed any of his vitriol towards you before. Whatever had happened on the dock had clearly upset him. You really wanted to finish working with Lana. More than anything, you didn’t want to be locked in your room for another long period of time. 

After taking a breath, or attempting to take one, you turned to Lana, “I didn’t mean… I-I should go say sorry.”

“You might want to let him calm down a little bit, sweetheart,” You’d already made up your mind. You reached behind your neck to undo the top of your apron, “Turn around, let me help you. He’s not mad at you.”

“How do you know?”

“I know who he is,” She spoke simply, “Don’t take anything too personally with Mr. Cameron.”

“You can finish without me; I’m sorry, but thank you for today,” You said as you started to walk away. After you saw her nod, a sad smile on her face, you turned away and sped for the stairs. 

You approached Rafe’s bedroom moments later, hesitantly turning the knob, “Daddy?” You called, peeking inside. You called him again. He wasn’t in the main room but the shower was running in the bathroom, “Rafe?”

You jumped when he suddenly appeared in the bathroom doorframe, shirtless and his belt undone. This time, you notice his bruised hands and bloody knuckles. 

“I didn’t mean to make you upset, Daddy.”

“Get down on your knees,” He stared you down. When you tried to come closer, he said, “No, drop to your knees right there.”

You felt your knees brush against the bedroom rug, “Crawl to me.” 

If Rafe wanted you to feel even smaller, then his plan was successful. You did as he said, seeing no other option, and crawled towards him. You watched as he palmed himself over his briefs, and you could already feel him stretching you, pulling your hair, and leaving marks on your bottom. This wouldn’t last, you told yourself; he would be gentle with you another time. 

Your sage dress had ridden up your body, exposing your floral patterned white panties. 

“You’re gonna suck my cock and swallow all my cum. And then you’re gonna thank Daddy for letting you.”

You’d do exactly as your Daddy wanted, hoping he’d take your sore throat and tears as a sufficient apology. 

Once you were soundly asleep in his bed, Rafe slipped out. He had a huge, bloody problem waiting for him in the cabin of his boat. Luckily, JJ Maybank was still the degenerate he used to be, and no one except his Pogue girlfriend would come looking for him anytime, “Son of a bitch isn’t talking,” Barry grunted out, meeting Rafe at the beginning of the dock, “Knocked two of his bottom teeth out and he’s still not motivated.”

Rafe had done everything possible to limit any competition he might face in Kildare. All small-time dealers would be working for someone who worked for Rafe. This was meant to be Rafe’s island yet somehow, Maybank was getting supplies from the mainland and was stealing his customers. 

“We could take his girl.”

Rafe contemplated Barry’s question before shaking his head, “If she comes around trying to find him, we might have no choice. I’m sure that will motivate him.”

Rafe could see Barry’s eyes wandering to Kie. Part of him would love to see JJ squirm if they got their hands on her. You were the reason he didn’t think too long about that. Barry, on the other hand, Rafe would let him do whatever he wanted with Kie. In the end, Rafe wanted JJ to talk, to give up his sources, but he’d be just fine killing him. 

“I hope,” Barry crossed his arms, “Not exactly looking forward to dealing with the body.”

“We don’t have to deal with that shit anymore; I know who to pay to handle it,” Rafe said, “Speaking of, I think I-uh need some more security here. I want guards all around the perimeter. Because of the amount of merchandise and if we’re going to be taking captives, you know. I want this place to be a fortress.”

“Your merchandise, huh?” Barry flashed Rafe a knowing look, “You got any liquor in that big house?”

Rafe gestured his head toward the house, signaling to Barry to follow behind him. 

“If Kie doesn’t come for him and if he still has no information to offer us, we kill him. No more torture, no mess, one gunshot to the temple,” Rafe instructed, his mind racing with what their next moves should be. The more planning beforehand, the better, and the less likely it would come back to them, “That’ll send a message to the rest of the Pogues too. They work for me, or they work for no one.”

“And after you’ve cornered the market?”

“That’s just the start of everything else,” Rafe led Barry through the first floor, towards his office. Ward always used to keep his office stocked with liquor as it came in handy for important meanings. Rafe learned people will often let down their barriers and concede to more under the influence of alcohol. He opened the door for him, allowing him to enter. 

“Whoa,” Barry said, walking inside just as Rafe heard a soft gasp from a familiar voice. Eyebrows raised, Rafe entered behind him to find what had shocked him, “Is this the new Mrs. Cameron?”

With wide eyes, Rafe took you in. You were in the same clothes Rafe left you in, one of his white button-ups and your knee-high socks, “What are you doing down here?” You slowly stepped behind Rafe’s desk, and he could tell you were trying to hide yourself.

“I-I couldn’t find you.”

Rafe’s jaw jutted forward, his arms crossed, as he said, “You’re supposed to be sleeping.”

Your lips parted to say something, but Barry interrupted, “C’mon, man, it’s not even midnight! Introduce me to your girl. We can all have a drink,” He grabbed ahold of Rafe’s shoulder. You would think Barry had one the lottery based on the look in his eyes. By complete accident, Barry had stumbled on Rafe’s biggest treasure, “I’ll behave, I promise.”

“She doesn’t drink.”

 Rafe was frustrated, mostly because he should’ve been keeping closer track of you. He’d given you that necklace for a reason. A new idea crossed his mind, one he wasn’t expecting, and some of his anxiety eased. He was far from embarrassed of you, he’d chosen you for a reason, but part of Rafe wanted Barry to envy him at that moment. 

Rafe sighed, waving you closer to the two of them, “Bambi, this is Barry. Barry, this is Bambi,” Smoothly, Rafe grabbed ahold of your waist, pulling you into him. 

“Hi,” You said shyly, “It’s nice to meet you.” 

 When Barry held his hands out to you, your eyes darted towards Rafe as if to ask permission. Agreement crossed his face, and Rafe watched you shake his hand. Barry was fully taking you in, of course, but Rafe knew a handshake would be the extent of his closeness with you. 

“The pleasure is all mine, beautiful.”

“Chill out, dude. Sit down,” Rafe instructed Barry, pulling you along. 

Barry made himself comfortable on the leather couch and Rafe motioned you to sit across in one of the leather chairs. 

“How you liking Kildare?” 

“It’s really nice,” Rafe heard you respond as he poured two glasses of whiskey for him and Barry, “There’s so many big houses, and … it’s just really pretty.”

“You ain’t seen much then, have you?” Rafe handed Barry his glass, flashing a warning with his eyes, “All the girls where you’re from, they as pretty as you?”

“I . . . I don’t know,” You laughed nervously. 

Rafe placed a hand on your shoulder, and you looked up at him,  “Why don’t you go get Barry a slice of that chocolate cake you made?” 

Rafe assumed it would ease your nervousness if you could share what you made. “Okay, Daddy,” You smiled at both men, and both men watched you closely as you walked out of the room, “I’ll be right back.”

“Pretty and obedient,” Barry whistled, “I need to travel more.”

A/N: Thank you all so much for your support on the first two chapters BUT psa you will not be added to my taglist if you're not reblogging the fic and letting me know your thoughts! It is crazy to me that people will ask me to tag them in the next chapter when they have neither liked nor reblogged the fic. Constructive feedback is more encouraging than just commenting "PART 4" or "tag me in part 4" :)

PART 4

[foldingfittedsheets]

Got this question and I can share about my tattoo! Initially, I wanted a tattoo from the Golden Compass. That book series shaped my views so heavily and I’ve always adored it. My first thought was to get the alethiometer on my hand.

Those familiar with tattoos will know immediately why that was such a bad idea but the first artist I met with cautioned that the design would need to be huge to get clarity and hand tattoos fade quickly. He advised me to think of something else that might call to the books.

After noodling on it for a long time I decided I wanted my daemon. Lyra and Roger go down into the crypts and see the skulls of scholars. Inside the empty bones are coins with images of their daemons carved on the face.

So I knew I wanted a daemon coin. My daemon walks in my heart but I always felt like a gryphon suited me best, halfway between a cat and a bird. I’d put him on my leg so she could walk with me.

I found an artist I liked but she was booked out for a year. She specialized in scientific illustrations and abstract line work, both of which were stunning.

I decided to check back when she was accepting new business but to my surprise she had up and moved to Salt Lake City. I asked, if I flew out to get a tattoo, how soon could you see me? Within a month was the answer. So I bought tickets for my beloved and I to fly to SLC for a day, just for this tattoo.

We stayed in an adorable cottage and felt wildly unsafe in the heavily religious city, but we still had a nice trip. We went to the Tracy Aviary. I had my first meal at Benihana. We got followed and yelled at when we held hands. But we also had a young girl approach us when I wore my Space Lesbians shirt to tell me how much it meant to her to see other queers in her city.

The artist I was working with hadn’t shown me a drawing before I’d arrived. I’d asked for a crude gryphon etched into a coin. What she showed me when I arrived was a goofy cartoon gryphon offset in a circle. I broke out in a sweat and I still look back on her lack of communication poorly. I’m sure she had her own reasons for not sharing the design but it wasn’t what I had asked for.

She was clearly frustrated when I balked but went away to rework his face to be more realistic. When she came back I was much happier. He still had cartoonishly big feet but honestly, I’m a bit of a goober with big feet too, and it felt appropriate with the new face.

My beloved got their ear pierced at the same shop, and we went away happy. I love my tattoo and it made me feel beautiful in a way that didn’t come off at the end of the night.

When I gained weight with my long illness I was worried he’d warp and look ugly, but I think he still looks nice. He just gained weight with me.

[hulhudhonado]

Ornithophile

Synopsis: Jing Yuan is a bird magnet. As harmless as it sounds, it seems to lead to misunderstandings.

CW: Nothing

HC: Reader works under Yukong. Reader is gender-neutral.

Characters: Jing Yuan, Yukong, Fu Xuan, Mentions of Tingyun and Yanqing

Note: Genshin to Honkai pipeline is real omg. Honestly I am not that interested in Honkai Star Rail or any of the Honkai games but I do play it and let me tell you I love this man. The characters in this game do not miss. Already making drafts for a Sampo fic. My one goal is to max them out. Also anyone interested in Aeons fanfic? Just asking. Anyway, please make sure to like, comment or reblog. Interactions with the post lets it reach a wider audience. Requests are also open! Enjoy.

Jing Yuan was used to the attention given to him, it wasn’t shocking to him. An individual of his status always would draw attention amongst the crowds. However, most people tend to divert their eyes or at least make an effort to pretend they weren’t staring, especially when they weren’t supposed to. It was considered a decent thing to do. However you on the other hand clearly did not understand this concept.

The first time he had caught your eyes, he waited for you to shyly look away like most people did, however to his surprise you kept a stern gaze towards him, refusing to move. It did phase him a bit, how strange that you had no shame to look away knowing that you had been caught. He chuckled to himself, that time he gave you the benefit of the doubt. Maybe you felt it was more awkward to look away.

However, the staring continued. You stared at him whenever you had the chance. He could feel your gaze burning from the back of his head. How were you so confident? Does he not scare you? Do you not understand authority? Maybe you just didn’t have the shame to hide the fact that you adored looking at him. He tried not to crack a smile every time he did catch you staring. He didn’t want others to know why he was laughing at himself.

It wasn’t a surprise to him, having people fall for him. Tingyun was already making sales from his looks, so it was clear that many people were head over heels for him. Maybe you were just like them, an admirer who was terrible at keeping a secret. He didn’t mind, he was already used to the attention.

—

“You seem to be distracted these days. Is your age finally catching up to you?” Fu Xuan jabbed. Jing Yuan let out a chuckle “ I don’t know what you mean.” He answered, unphased. Documents were piling up and Yanqing still didn’t have a decent partner to train with, he had too many unnecessary things piling up on his head. Fu Xuan was clearly here to mess with him for letting things go on for this long.

“Don’t try to hide, you have been laughing to yourself or cracking smiles out of the blue! Have you finally lost it?” She asked once more. Honestly not what he had expected her to say. He thought she was here to clown him for not finishing his work on time, he didn’t realise he had got caught. She continued. “If so, I’m willing to take your place any day for your ‘early’ retirement.”

Jing Yuan rolled his eyes, looking back at the screen in front of him. “If you don’t have anything better to do you’re free to leave. My mental state is perfectly fine.” Fu Xuan let out a smirk. “It won’t be for long.” 

Jing Yuan turned to her, he didn’t want to give her attention especially when he was this busy, but Fu Xuan was not going to stop fishing for answers.  Raising an eyebrow he decided to take the bait.“And what makes you say that?” Fu Xuan let out an almost sinister laugh. Jing Yuan could only frown, he didn’t like the sound of that. 

“I recently foresaw a future of yours.” The room felt cold in an instant. Jing Yuan was now fully focused on Fu Xuan, who continued to smirk victoriously. It didn’t seem to be serious but it didn’t seem to be a good thing either. “What did you see?” He asked nervously, he tried his best to hide it, he didn’t need to give Fu Xuan any more openings.

Fu Xuan pretended to think, withholding the information rather than stating it at once. Jing Yuan sighed, of course, Fu Xuan would want to have the high ground. “I’ll repeat, what did you see?” He stated once more, a more serious tone plaguing his words.

Fu Xuan scoffed. “You’re no fun.”

“If it involves me then it involves Xianzhou Luofu and its people. I would rather not be left in the dark about this.” Fu Xuan shrugged. “It isn’t something serious. If it was, I would have told you about it instantly. You know I am not one to take my time.”

“Then why hide it from me?” “Because it’s funny.” Jing Yuan sighed. “Just tell me.”

“Don’t feel like it.” And with that Fu Xuan's hologram disappeared. Jing Yuan huffed, how annoying. It seemed that people around him were forgetting what respect meant.

—

Yukong never made physical trips to meet with Jing Yuan regarding any issues on the Xianzhou Luofu. It was a big ship, and it was a waste of time to constantly travel back and forth when they could communicate via holograms.

However it was always safe to bring confidential documents face to face, a third party might cause leaks. To his surprise, you tagged alongside her during one of their rare trips. However, for once, you didn’t look up to look at him. He tried his best to focus on what Yukong kept saying but his eyes kept wandering back to you. Why were you not looking up? Was it because this was the first time you had seen him face to face? However he didn’t like this, he wished you would just look up like usual.

“Tingyuan couldn’t make it?” He asked, trying to focus the shift on you. You jolted up, now nervously looking at Yukong who also was caught off guard. Yukong looked back at you, before turning back to Jing Yuan trying to seem unphased. “Yeah, she was assigned a task alongside the trailblazers. You had assigned her to them.” She asked.

“Hmm, I did? “ Jing Yuan asked in a playful tone. You still didn’t turn to look at him, now just looking down at the floor to not draw any more attention. He couldn’t hold a smile on his face anymore, he was getting annoyed. Why today of all days you decide not to look at him? 

He wanted to see your face properly, not in his hologram form. As advanced as things were in Xianzhou Luofu, when he is in his hologram form he can’t see everyone clearly. It was like being stuck behind a screen. Now that he was finally face-to-face with his ‘staring partner’ he wanted to see what you looked like.

“Well, since things in the Xianzhou Luofu are not settled yet, I would prefer if you could hand me documents face to face from now.” Yukong blinked, before realising what he had stated. “But sir, that would take some time, and I can’t always make trips here when I need to take care of my team.” Jing Yuan tilted his head, pretending to be oblivious to his schemes. “You can just ask Tingyuan, or your companion right next to you. If you trust them to accompany you then I’m certain they can help you bring me these documents. Am I wrong?”

His statement finally made you look up. He believed he was ready to face your gaze, but he was being too cocky it seemed. When he had locked eyes with you he almost looked away with how sudden it was. Your gaze was sharp and strong, just as the times you had looked at him before. You had a poker face, attentive to your work since Jing Yuan had personally entrusted you to do Yukong’s work. It seemed the hologram way of communicating had dulled down the intensity of your gaze full of determination. Jing Yuan didn’t expect to get such a whiplash.

He held his ground, he didn’t need any reason to feel shy now. Fu Xuan’s words started to replay in his head, he wasn’t sure why. You couldn’t be the reason for his downfall, could you? There was no way. 

Yukong sighed, interrupting the spiral Jing Yuan had going inside his mind. “Of course. We won’t disappoint you. “ She answered. “I’m glad to hear that.” Jing Yuan smiled, his gaze never leaving you as you did the same. 

—

It wasn’t surprising that you made most of the trips. He found out that you were new to the job, at least to Yukong’s sector. Since Tingyuan was busy with the trailblazers and Yukong had her duties to attend to, you ended up being the special courier for any confidential documents. Most of the documents were digitised so your trips weren’t common, but Jing Yuan made it his mission to make sure you somehow ended up in his office.

Was this corruption from the higher-ups? Probably, if anyone knew what he was doing they would think he was bullying you but he didn’t mean any harm. He just likes the mini-staring matches you both have. Not many people look at him with such confidence. 

It also didn’t seem to be an issue as it seemed that you liked the job. No matter how many times you were told to bring in documents, you always followed through without complaining. Tingyuan tended to ask for bargains while Yukong would straight up avoid making rounds. You on the other hand would be ready to make a delivery in an instant. It was probably due to the fact you were still new to the job, but he liked to pretend it was because you wanted to see him often.

He smiled to himself thinking about it. He didn’t like how much of a narcissist he was. He knew people loved him but having his delusions of someone liking him more than just the ruler of the Xianzhou Luofu must be his breaking point. Fu Xuan was on to something, you must be his downfall.

—

It was like any other day, you made the delivery and you were going to head back to your station. However, Jing Yuan was getting tired of this. It was any day now that the trailblazers would be done with the Stellaron attacks and he would finally have to step in to fix what was left. This means everything would return to normal and your trips wouldn’t be necessary anymore. All these trips didn’t make you both any closer either, you were keeping a distance between the two of you.

He also noticed how you reduced staring, it seems you had caught on the fact that he knew you were staring. He honestly was surprised you didn’t realise it sooner, it wasn’t like you were hiding it. But now whenever he would catch your eyes you would jolt up as if he caught you doing something horrible. If it was in the past he wouldn’t have minded, but now whenever you looked away he felt frustrated.

As the day was going to end as it usually did, Jing Yuan finally snapped. He needed to change this routine you both had created. “May I ask you a question?” He asked. He caught you so off guard you dropped the documents on the ground. Scattering them all over the floor. In an instant you dropped down, to collect the papers off the ground. He followed suit, trying to help.

“Oh, you don’t need to do that sir!” You try not to stutter. You didn’t expect him to ask you anything. You guys never spoke anymore than anything related to work, so the sudden question caught you off guard. “ Don’t mind me, I just wanted to ask a question. I didn’t think it was that shocking.” He chuckled.

You nervously laugh, continuing to gather all the materials before he could get any more. To your horror, he had already collected most of it. However, the piles of paper were now in a mess, completely unorganised from how it was originally arranged.

“You can sit with me and chat while we organise these.” He stood up smiling, mockingly shaking the documents towards you while you tried not to get embarrassed. “My apologies sir.” You mumble, standing up with the little amount you were able to get. “I’ll forgive you if you answer my questions.” The way he spoke was so calm. He was a ruler for a reason, his voice was loud in battle and comforting to his citizens. You instantly felt at ease when he didn’t seem to mind.

“I’ll take you up on that offer, sir.”

—

When he said questions, he meant a lot of questions. He asked why you chose the job, what you liked, your interests, and your hobbies. He was ticking off everything at this point. You of course answered. The way he articulated the questions and the calm sound of his voice seemed to have entranced you. You were certain if he was a lawyer he would have gotten the answers right out of you in an instant. It was no wonder he was in such a high position.

“You seem to stare a lot don’t you?” A question that you didn’t expect. He smiled, eyes closed ready for an answer. Did he catch you off guard? He hoped so, he wanted to tease you a bit, making you realise that your silly little crush on him was already discovered. Maybe it was sudden but with how truthfully you were answering his questions he didn’t expect you to lie your way out of this.

You could feel the rush of blood on your face. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to stare! It’s just…” you cut yourself off. He patiently waited for your answer. What could it be? Did you like his face? Many people did, it was the reason Tingyuan was making a fortune for so many years. Or perhaps you would be bolder and say you liked his body? His clothes and armour enhanced its appeal. Or maybe his hair? It reminded of a lion’s mane to most and Yanqing would always mention how elegant it looked, even after he had spared the entire day. He wasn’t even sure how it stayed in such luscious conditions.

He tried not to tap the table, eager for your answer. He could hear his heartbeat increase its speed, he didn’t realise how nervous he was. What was it about him that you just couldn’t help but look? He needed to know now.

“ The bird.” It was almost a whisper when you spoke. He wasn’t even sure he heard you properly. “The bird?” He repeated, a bit dumbfounded. You nodded, guilt leaving your body but suddenly feeling sheepish. You can’t believe you were going to admit this.

“ You always have a bird in your hair. It’s so unphased I always wondered whether it was tamed.” You continue to say. You watched Jing Yuan stare at you, unable to speak. You took this as a sign to continue. “Well you see, I love looking at birds. Especially since in Xianzhou Luofu, they are quite rare. But you have one always on your shoulder! So when I first saw it I was so shocked. If you don’t mind me asking, could you tell me what type it is? Is it a Zebra finch? A Waxbill? The red beak makes it a bit prominent but I couldn’t see its feather pattern so I couldn’t tell what type it was.”

As you continued to go on and on about the bird, Jing Yuan was trying his best not to show any signs of embarrassment. He couldn’t believe this. He had thought this entire time you had looked at him due to admiration. Honestly, it was his fault for making up delusions on his own but he didn’t expect this. You were staring at the birds that usually landed on his shoulder and hid around his hair. He was so used to it he completely forgot they even stuck next to him while he worked.

A sudden notification came to your phone which made you stop your little bird talk. You read it and immediately stood up an instance. “Oh no! The time!” You almost shout, your worried gaze not looking away from the phone. You look at Jing Yuan sadly, and he could feel his heart was close to bursting. Not only from his embarrassment but also how unhappy you looked knowing that you would have to depart from him.

“I’m so sorry I couldn’t organise all the documents in time. I’ll make it up to you next time sir!” You begin to gather your things and head out. As you near the door you turn back to him shouting. “I apologise if this is inappropriate, but I hope to talk to you again!” You say. You take a bow before turning back and running out the door.

All Jing Yuan could do was stare as you left. Suddenly he could feel all the emotions he had held back to save face flowing out. He slumped on the desk, hands on his face trying to cover his face which was completely red. He could not believe this had happened to him. 

He heard a little chirp near his ear. He looked to the side, to see his little bird friend peeping at him in glee. “You did this to me.” He grumbled, glaring at the bird who continued to chirp, almost as if it was laughing at him. Sighing, he slumped back on his chair, trying not to think about what just had happened.

He couldn’t help it though. It made sense now, you probably were curious about the bird, trying to figure out what kind it was. He was the one overthinking it, making up stories in his head where you profess your love to him. No wonder Fu Xuan said what she did. She knew this was going to happen.

He sighed, picking up his little friend off his shoulder onto his hand. After making a mental note on finding a way to get back at Fu Xuan, he began to think about you again. He was already too deep into this, he was going to make you like him back. He stroked the bird’s head as it peeped in delight. He looked down at it as it playfully nipped at his finger.

Another idea popped into his head. The last words you said played in his head again as he stared at the bird who danced around in the palm of his hands. He felt a smile creep on his face.

“Well, at least I can figure out what we are going to be talking about next time we meet.” He chuckled to himself, humming a tune alongside the bird. He was already too deep into this, and he was not going to let you go that easily. 

He was going to make you look at him the same way he looked at you, one way or another. Who would have thought a love of birds would lead to this?

Good luck!

[jkoo-njoo]

college crush - 5

summary: college au I when the frontier between a crush and an obsession blurs, how can you draw the line?

pairing: shy n clingy bf! jk × black fem! reader

genre: fluff, soft yandere | headcanons

word count: 4,300. on going story

warnings: physical violence ideation (Jungkook wants to slit someone’s throat), light mention of homophobia, description of comp-het, description of sexual violence because of acephobia (y/n is spiraling)

author's note: hi lovelies, it’s been a year since the last update, can you believe it ? I keep saying that there is only one last chapter left, but then I keep having more ideas and the story keeps expending ; so I’ll just stop saying that. ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა This chapter is a bit spicier than all the other ones, Jungkook is getting closer to his goal ! But is it really going to be as easy as he thinks it’ll be ? I truly hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it my loves. As always, I love reading your comments and I hope you know that it really hypes me up to beat writer’s block and finish this story ૮꒰ྀི∩´ ᵕ `∩꒱ྀིა

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5/ Wanting to fly the nest as far as he could, the bird aims for the sun, like Icarus, daring to rise to its death

— The bird, that just learned how to fly, soars with all his might

Its been two weeks now since you both started texting each other

At the beginning he was so nervous just thinking about directly speaking with you

He would overthink every single text he sent you for 20 minutes straight minimum

But the conversation started to flow very easily and chemistry began to develop between the two of you

It grew so much that you’ve been exchanging messages every single day with no fail, talking about any and every thing

On top of that, jungkook continued to send you gifts and come to your place while you’re not there

It added a special taste to know that whenever he would send you anything or clean your place or fill up your fridge

You would text him a few hours later to express gratitude and contentment

It filled his heart with pure joy and love for you even more now that he had your approval in real time

He didn’t need to constantly check your bins anymore

Jungkook felt his heartbeat rush and adrenaline spike up every single time you’d send him a message

It was truly heaven on earth

Now, for you… things were a bit different.

Sure, there was a cool situationship in the making

But it just wasn’t enough. you knew you needed more

You couldn’t just fall in love with a concept

You needed to put a face to it.

You decided to get bold today and proposed to arrange a date with your secret admirer

Yes this was a careless and rushed decision, whatever

But you were tired of playing it safe and decided to take matters into your own hands

Since your secret admirer wasn’t gonna be the one to do so

When jungkook received your advance he couldn’t believe his eyes and literally fell to his knees in the middle of the library

His ultimate crush was asking him out.

Asking him, out.

He knows that he’s been making a lot of efforts by talking directly to you everyday

(Even repeating that sentence in his head was making him feel dizzy)

But he couldn’t bring himself to actually reveal his whole identity to you just yet

So, he declines your offer by honestly revealing that he does not feel ready to face you at the moment

He wanted to pretend to be very sick and not wanting to contaminate you

But he absolutely loathed himself for even thinking about lying to you and betraying your trust in him

He still feels like shit because of his cowardliness

But he knows this is for the greater good of your relationship

Now, don’t get him wrong : he’s not near giving up.

The rest of his plan is waiting for the photography class partner project to unfold

But the thing is, their refusal disheartened you a bit

You thought everything was going so well between you ?

Why do they chicken out all of a sudden when it’s time to make things concrete between you ?

Are they very shy ?

Are they very ugly ?

Or are they an actual creepy serial killer that is not supposed to be on this campus ?

You tried to reassure them by stating that you’re sure that they’re a total hottie

And that there’s no reason for them to be shy with you anymore

However, your excitement started to wear off a bit, unbeknownst to Jungkook.

— The bird, finally resting for the first time in a while, inopportunely falls from a breaking branch

The following week on a tuesday, it finally arrives

The group project in photography class. the most crucial event for the rest of The Plan ™️

He tried hard to make a good first impression with his outfit

He wore a hoodie in your favorite color, slim jeans to reveal his thighs (because he overheard you talking about liking strong legs in guys) and black boots to appear more “hard” & “cool” (that’s also your type it seems)

You were wearing a very pretty light dress with some oversized pants and an oversized jacket to top it all

You were so outstandingly beautiful and cool, he just couldn’t compete with you even if he tried

The professor came in at the same time as you (you made it in time today he notes) and started the class directly by talking about the group project

But instead of a duo, like he imagined, the project will be in a quatuor with 2 boys and 2 girls

AND he already made the groups so no one could choose

The room audibly moaned and complained while he remained silent but his blood was boiling

He could not be more confused, angry and disappointed.

While the professor was calling the members of every groups out loud, he prayed to all the Gods and angels listening to please let him be with you

Even if there will be others he absolutely needed to be by your side.

He couldn’t bear leaving you all alone with two random men and no one to protect you

It seems one of the holy spirits heard his desperate pleading and answered immediately

Because the professor called his name right after yours

He doesn’t have the time to digest what just happened because the professor is already rushing everyone to gather in groups and introduce themselves

While everyone rearrange the tables and sit again, he succeeds in sitting in front of you

But he can hardly handle to look into your eyes from this close without fainting

This is the nearest he has ever been to you in real life and it truly feels like a dream come true

He can actually admire you from up close… he can smell you… he can almost touch your hand if he tries… and he wasn’t hiding from you anymore

It felt so right and natural to be in your space and bask in your presence

He was fully floating on a cloud focusing on nothing else but you and your voice

The rest of the class goes pretty smoothly with everyone introducing themselves and giving their inquiry about the project

Though he sat there in silence the entire time

While the only thing he mustered up enough courage to say was :

“Hi, my name is Jungkook. Nice to meet you all”

He was way too shy at the idea of talking to you viva voce in this context

He could try talking with you one-on-one if the project was a duo, like he planned.

But with two other strangers nearby watching and judging ?

Hell no, that was just too much all at once

Nevertheless, he does not regret witnessing you being the absolute brightest star right in front of him, even in silence

You were so full of life, energy and motivation for this project that it was actually hyping him up

Even though he really didn’t give a fuck about it in the first place

But it seems he wasn’t the only person entranced by you

Because why was this other guy clearly trying to flirt with you right in front of everyone ?

Thankfully it seems like you’ve got no clue and you’re not playing into his games at all

But Jungkook has to deal with him.

He wanted to just slit his throat so bad right then and there, without any hesitation.

But he knows he cannot show this side of himself to you just yet, and definitely not in the middle of this class

He’s gonna get rid of him definitely without scaring you off

No other boy has the right to have access to you other than him

You were his soulmate and his only.

He promised to himself to make this punk get it as soon as possible

At the end of the hour, this fucker has the audacity to ask for your number, and only yours

“it’s to talk about the project more in depth, you know !”

The holy spirits truly were by his sides today, because you suggested to have a group chat instead

“it’s to make the conversation about the project more efficient, you know !”

Everyone gives you their number and you create the groupchat right away before you all part ways

The walk home from this session at the photography class was the worst one he’s had in a while

He couldn’t even bask in the feelings of pure joy, love and excitement he has felt by being this close to you

He even gave you his real number for you to text the real him !

That was supposed to be one of the best moments of his life, right before :

your first kiss,

your marriage,

and your first child together.

But instead, he simply felt like absolute shit for witnessing a man blatantly flirting with his promised partner right in front of his face

And not doing anything to stop it and protect you.

He knows he can always count on you to preserve yourself for him and him only

But it certainly won’t last long if he doesn’t do anything

He feels really powerless and he does not like it one bit

He has to reverse the situation to promptly get rid of this parasite and secure his place in your heart

— The heavily weakened bird serendipitously finds some food on the ground

The thing is, he was so focused on his feelings for you and that other douchebag that he did not even notice everything else that happened outside of that

Like the fact that the other girl of the group was clearly trying to hit on him too

but he was so oblivious he only responded to her with vague hmms indicating yes or no

Or the fact that his charm and his silence intrigued you the most and you definitely wanted to spend more time with him to break his shell

Like, he was seriously one of the most beautiful boy you’ve ever seen.

The way his long hair and square glasses perfectly framed his angelic face

The way he was not able to say a single word during the entire hour

And the way he blushed + looked away shyly any time anyone glanced for a little too long at him……

His cuteness already caught your eye before but this meeting solidified your crush for him even more

He was effortlessly checking every box of your ideal type one by one, it was not even funny

So much so that you started to wonder if it was worth entertaining a situationship with a potentially dangerous secret admirer

That is not even bold enough to show their face despite claiming to be deeply in love with you

Rather than shooting your shot with the cute nerdy guy from photography class

That is a very real person within reach, even if there is no certitude that he’s interested in you in the slightest

It was starting to hurt your head to think this much about all this

so you decided to open up to your secret admirer

Hoping to wake them up, for good.

After closing the door to his room, Jungkook received a very lengthy message from you where you disclosed all your doubts about him and your relationship

That’s when he truly lost it and started to sob uncontrollably

He realized that he was seriously on the verge of actually losing you for good

After all the hard work he has done to get to this point

He was inconsolable and cried in a ball on the ground for a good ten minutes

After calming down a bit, he realized that you were giving him the opportunity to officially deepen the connection between you

This was his last chance to truly secure his way to your heart, and you were the one giving it to him

He simply did not deserve the pure kindness of your soul and you still gave it to him

He made the very important decision on the spot to bend The Plan™️

You wanted to know more of his identity ? so be it.

He answered :

“My sweetest love. Thank you for trusting me and pushing for me to still be in your life after I’ve been such a coward. I do not deserve your grace, but I will prove to you by all means that my love for you is infaillible. From now on, you will receive pictures from me about myself and my daily life, and even audios of me directly reading my poems to you, if you feel comfortable with that. I will do my best to get you to know me on a more personal level, so you can realize that I am the perfect pretender to be your lifelong partner and that we are meant to be together forever. But know that at the moment, I still can’t reveal my whole identity to you, whether it be my face or my name, because of personal reasons you will soon understand. Please tell me if this satisfies your needs for now, and I will begin immediately.”

He knew he would have to push through a lot of boundaries within himself to uphold these promises

But he was willing to do absolutely anything for you, your love and your happiness

And to be by your sides

When you received their answer, you got reminded why you loved talking to your secret admirer so much

They were so dramatic sometimes, it was really funny and relieved your stress more often than not

You couldn’t do anything but accept their request without a second thought when it was presented in such a classy and solemn way

It was not exactly what you asked for, but you respected their decision and noted their efforts to try and meet your request still

You did not really pay more attention to it and move on with your life

Until you almost choked to death on your tea 10 minutes later

Since they said that they will not be showing their face, you thought they would exclusively send you innocent pictures of their daily life and stuff

How naive of you to think that.

After opening your phone notification you couldn’t help but stare at your screen, eyes wide open, with your eyebrows touching the ceiling

Instead of a candid still of some food on a plate like you expected

You were met with the mirror picture of a literal greek god with a full sleeve of tattoos, right out of the shower, wearing nothing but a towel on their head and another one hanging low on their waist

They followed up on the pic with the wittiest text you’ve ever read from them

“You’re such a lucky princess because I just started my night routine. I’ve been itching to send you pictures like these for so long but I had to make sure the timing was right. I cannot wait to include you in my daily life. Do you want me to do a tour of all the skin care products I use to take care of the body you’re looking at ?”

“Oh, and my pronouns are he/him by the way ;)”

There is no way he’s not fucking with you right now. Absolutely no way.

You’ve been gawking at your phone with your mouth agape for so long, you did not notice the trail of saliva connecting your lips to your thighs.

He even has the time to send you another message apologizing if he made you uncomfortable with his naked body and promising to never cross your boundaries ever again

And that from now on he’ll only send you pictures of him fully clothed, even if it might compromise his anonymity

You collect yourself just enough to send :

“Please send me a real picture of yourself. I cannot believe you’re trying to catfish me after we’ve been talking together for so long.”

It was a bit harsh you admit, but you had to make sure that this wasn’t just some enormous prank

And that you’ve been made fun of this entire time

At first, he got hurt that you actually thought that he was a catfish and that he couldn’t possibly be this good looking

But he remembered that he was still an anonymous stalker in your eyes and that you were a very intelligent woman

It was totally understandable that you’d still be on your guard

Jungkook simply answers back :

“I would absolutely never play in your face and break your trust like that my love. You can make a reverse search on this picture. I took it right now and you’re the only person besides me that has ever laid eyes on it on this earth. All of this is reserved just for you.”

You do as he told and… you simply can’t believe it.

He is right : the picture is nowhere to be found on the internet

That’s when it really kicked in

You actually bagged the literal finest man in campus without doing anything

And he is the one that’s absolutely obsessed with you ??

He is the one who spoils you and showers you with love at any occasion without any inquiry on you part ??

You must have saved the entire human civilization in another life, because there was simply no way in hell this was real

You had to apologize. You were truly not familiar with his game.

You answer back :

“Look, I’m sorry to have doubted you but you’ve always been anonymous this entire time and we haven’t really gotten to know each other on a deeper level just yet. You know what ? You can send me all the pictures you’d like, but no dick pic please, I’m truly not into that.”

“Thank you again for accepting to reveal more of yourself to me, I’m really enjoying this ! You look very good…”

When he finished reading your message he was smiling from ear to ear

Oh, he knew he won.

— Against all odds, the bird perks up and flaps his wings again

Following this event, you started sending pictures of each other on the regular

You were sending him selfies mostly, not comfortable enough to reveal your body like he does

Jungkook did not mind one bit

He worshipped every single picture you sent to him regardless, going as far as printing and framing them all

His room was starting to fill up with all the pictures of you that you sent him, along side the stolen cliches he took of you

He was literally living his dream life.

He couldn’t believe how far he’d gone in the pursuit of his love, and how far it led him

On the flip side, you were absolutely flabbergasted.

He was sending you very cute pictures of his daily life like him cooking, gaming, painting and all that

But when it came to the pictures of himself…

He was always half naked or wearing very tight fitting clothes like a tank top and a sport crewneck

He explained that he couldn’t send you pictures of him wearing his daily clothes because he didn’t want you to recognize him in the street

That was only half of the truth tho

He also wanted to impress you with the work he’s been putting in the gym during all this time, just for you

But he truly hoped that you didn’t see him as some sort of fuckboy only interested in having sex with you

Showing you his body was just another way to draw you in. Like the final nail in the coffin

In his opinion, he made enough efforts these past few months to give you a glimpse of the overflowing feelings he had for you

He is absolutely head over heels for you but not in a carnal way if that made sense

And he knows very well that you’re not into that either

He has had crushes and stuff but he used to be a complete loser so no one would give him even a crumb of attention

Of course he very occasionally had some peaks of libido and he always took care of his needs by himself

But he quickly realized that he has honestly never felt sexual attention to anyone

When he compared his experience to the way other boys around him where going crazy about sex in his teenage years…

It was alienating to say the least.

He clearly remembers an instance when he tried talking about it to one of his friends at the time

And they bluntly answered :

“You don’t feel attracted to girls ? Are you gay or something ?”

Yes, he later discovered that he was indeed bi, but that was besides the point

The only thing he wanted more than anything was to develop the deepest and closest platonic & romantic relationship he could with anyone

And have them by his side as a friend and a lover, forever

He could not bring himself to perform as a person he was not just to uphold the expectations about what it meant to be a man

It felt like deep betrayal toward himself and the perfect recipe to be miserable forever in order to have company and be accepted by society

He always thought he was weird and doomed to be alone

Until you came into his life and outwardly expressed your need to have someone exactly like him into your life

You were literally the bright and warm light guiding him out of the dark and cold tunnel of loneliness

A dream of his that was once too good to be true

Was now a reality within reach

He could finally let hope fill his heart to the brim, like he always wanted to.

— the bird keeps gliding, with hope being the sole compass of his unpredictable voyage

The thing is, his plan was working on you

You really enjoyed the glimpses into his life and the occasional thirst traps

It kind of felt like texting a very sweet OF model

So you didn’t know why you still felt somewhat… empty

Like, he did answer your request to see more of him.

Of course it’s reassuring and rewarding to know that your secret admirer (and obsessive stalker) is literally eye candy

But you started to get scared about his true intentions

You knew he loved you for you

At least that’s what the countless love letters, acts of services and gifts he was constantly showering you with lead you to believe

And he has never been sexually suggestive in any way

But you still held back in your feelings in some way

You’ve always craved a special type of romantic connection to someone that was rooted in nothing but pure feelings of love and trust, not lust

And he was clearly giving that to you, at the moment

But.. he’s a drop dead gorgeous college boy in his early twenties

He statistically could not possibly be on the same page as you.

What will happen when he’ll start wanting more from you and you’re not gonna be able to give it to him ?

What will happen when on your first night together he’ll try to make a move on you and you’ll have to reject him ?

What will happen when you’ll be forced to open up about your lack of sexual attraction ?

Will he abandon you on the spot, like all these other guys ?

Or is he too far gone in his obsession with you, that he won’t be able to accept your rejection and his knee jerk reaction will be to be outright violent with you ?

Or worse : what if he’ll pretend to understand that “you need time” to get comfortable with him

Only to try to coerce his way into making you do something you simply don’t want to do ?

You want to enjoy this with him as much as possible, you really do

But these thoughts have always plagued your mind

And you had to share them with him to make sure that he stops getting attached to you before it’s too late.

You just couldn’t let hope fill your heart to the brim, even if you wanted to.

[charkie-ee]

team bolas rojas gas masks designs??

in THIS day and age?????

it may be more likely than you think..

this was my first time drawing a series of different gas masks, no idea if they’re accurate at all, but it was really fun!!

**notes & closeups under the cut :-D**

it’s a lot of notes so be prepared for an info dump.

NOTES:

Philza: honestly, what more is there to say than “CROW MAN!!”? aside from his goggles being glow-in-the-dark, theres not much more to the mask design. however, i decided, “hey! this is purgatory! i can fuck up these characters!” so, he has a ripped ear(?)wing and messily cut back hair. (i didn’t pay too much attention to the hair in this design, i was mainly trying to get the gas masks down, but maybe i’ll go further into later.)

Cellbit: this is definitely one of my favorites, he looks pretty scary, i would NOT stop my car if i saw him on the side of the road. its based off of a cat mask(obviously) and a painted white streak goes through his mask, inspired by his hair. i didn’t include it, but circles in the goggles are supposed to retract with different emotions (kind of how cat’s eyes do, saucer and dagger pupils.) he’s also covered in blood because he’s going through it lore wise.

Slimecicle: ngl, it was my first time drawing code charlie(other than all the wips i have that i’ll never finish),but i think he’s pretty spooky. his mask is the worst quality, like it USED to work well until he wore it out. thus, there are broken air tubes that let the gas in. (he should probably get those replaced.) the holes for his horns are kind of like an airlock, so the gas can’t enter through them (phil helped him make it.) however, it makes it difficult to take off.

Baghera: baghera’s mask is kind of built like charlie’s, except in much better quality. aside from the loose air tubes, the mask almost goes all the way around her head, not letting even the slightest bit of gas in. theres also a plastic duck beak on top of the regular breathy-thing(i have no idea what i’m doing, so, no, i don’t know the technical term for that) to give it the “bird touch.”

Jaiden: jaiden’s mask was FUN. like i kinda went overboard. i did these all on different days, and this was the night after the big egg battle day. i saw she had fnaf bonnie ears along with her bird gas mask, and said “ok cool. i’ll add that.” she has the same feather/beak thing i gave to baghera. also, hair-wise, she gets a hair bun and her brown roots showing through(we love messy haired cubitos ^^)

Foolish: foolish was interesting, not sure i like the final product, but i’m tired, so it’ll do. his mask is based off of a lemon shark. he gas glowing green eyes and golden splotches on the leather. the air tube foolish has is REALLY long. like unnaturally long. so he wraps it around his neck to get it out of the way. the other members are extremely concerned it’ll choke him one day, but foolish thinks it’s cool and will scare other teams away. kind of like a “yea, i’m crazy, i could choke and die at any minute, and i don’t care.” phil, being the protective father figure of the group, does not like this at all.

Carre: and finally, we have carre. ah, sweet, sweet carre.(he is my favorite.) his mask is based off of a snow leopard because i hc he’s half feline. carre has the lightest, and most simple mask, since it’s entirely plastic, and more so based off of skiing or snowboarding goggles.

ANYWAY, i hope these notes make sense, excuse my rambling about silly designs, i tend to doodle messily, and not really have a plan when i draw, lol.

thanks for reading, BYE!

[thewritetofreespeech]

Doppo Kunikida x reader

semi-sequel to this ask [x] because I am sick for this man.

The night was calm, clean, and clear for the evening. A rare thing in his line of work. An even rarer thing for Kunikida to have the night off. He watched the moon drift across the stars from his futon. Or was it the other way around? Which one of them was drifting through space: the moon or the stars? Or maybe it was just him drifting. Lost in thought. Lost on what to do. Just…drifting.

Kunikida heard the shower cut off and quickly finished his musing as he put his glasses back on.

"What's with that face?" [Y/N] asked as she came back into the room. Still mussing her hair with his towel. Wearing his button downs as a night shirt. The hem of it barely covering the tops of her legs, and flashing her panties as she moved her arms, or being able to button up over her breasts. It was a good thing he had the covers in his lap.

"I feel bad."

"You didn't a little while ago. If the grunting was any indication."

"Guilty then." He corrected. Annoyed when she threw his towel in the corner, even though he’s asked her not to do that in the past, but felt he had no moral high ground to stand on and comment on it in the moment. "I hate lying to him."

"You were the one that wanted to keep this a secret." She reminded him. "I just didn't want to deal with the headache. Dad gets kind of...intense, when it comes to me."

Kunikida is aware of what part he played in this. She pursued him, but he didn’t deny her. Much as he tried at first, out of respect for his mentor, he couldn’t stop the attraction he felt for her. Draw to [Y/N] as if her powers were to call to him specifically instead of birds. He prided himself on being a man of principal and restraint. But with [Y/N] all of that was just….lost. “Do you want to tell him?”

“I don’t know.” He honestly didn’t.

On the one hand, yes, he felt guilty. The only way to absolve that would be to tell the truth. Tell Fukuzawa-sama that he was in love with his only daughter, that they had been seeing each other in secret for years now, and they had been having illicit liaisons every time she came to town for the past two.

On the other hand, he could just jump off a bridge and get his death over with faster.

“Do you want me to leave?”

[Y/N] reached up to remove his glasses again. The world behind her fades away to nothing as his vision can only focus on what’s in front of him. Can only focus on her. Though, maybe that’s not just his nearsightedness.

“No.”

Kunikida wasn’t sure why he was whispering. As if he spoke too loudly their secret would get out, and this whole thing would shatter.

“Do you want to break up?”

“No.”

He couldn’t bear to never see her again. Or just go back to being friends after what they’ve shared. Secret or not.

“So, what do you want?”

All his life Kunikida knew the answer to that question. He knew what he wanted to be in life. What he wanted to do. Where he was going and when. But when she asked him what he wanted he couldn’t think of anything other than, “I want you.”

It’s a vague, hapless, hopeless answer. One he would never accept if someone gave it to him, and he would criticize for not being just sappy nonsense. But [Y/N] wasn’t like him. She just smiled and leaned in for a kiss. One he accepts and gives willingly. His hands going into her damp hair as he pulled them down. That shower about to be completely pointless in a moment, and a complete waste of water.

One day, he would tell the president about their relationship. More than likely, [Y/N] would tell him. She always seemed to jump into things while he was still thinking of the best way to execute them. Their secret wouldn’t be a secret forever. But, for now, Kunikida would hold onto it as tightly as he did his ideal. As tightly as he planned to hold on to [Y/N].

[em-prentiss]

Hey! Would you be willing to write a fanfic with a Beth storyline where Hotch and Beth are in a relationship and Emily doesn’t know how to deal with her feelings for Hotch and he eventually finds out that Em is in love with him and their relationship going forward?

Or do you have any fic recommendations with this storyline!

I love your fics by the way! 🩷

Hi🩷 I personally don’t have any fic recs for this prompt, I’ve honestly never read one for this premise but I hope you like this <3 and thank you so much!

I love you, it’s ruining my life

————

Emily swallows tightly. Her head automatically snaps up at the sound of Aaron’s laugh, her eyes sliding to him and Beth on the dance floor. Her head is tucked into his neck, the dark waves of her hair brushing the gauzy material of her shawl.

Deliriously, Emily thinks from the right angle, she could almost be her.

Word count: 5.6k

————

She swore she would tell him. Aching and cold and bruised on a flight to Paris, tears soaking her skin as the jet rattled her, Emily swore that if she ever saw Aaron again, she’d tell him.

And she wanted to. She was going to.

But then something curdled in the pit of her stomach, something that made her wring her hands as she stood in front of him in his office, the two of them alone for the first time in seven months.

He was solid, steady. She knew that. She also knew she couldn’t handle massively fucking things up again and driving him away with a confession, because what if he didn’t like her that way? Standing there, in his empty office with no one there but him and her, she became acutely aware that he was her boss above everything else.

Saying she loved him would just ruin everything for everyone. Again. 

So she’d just whispered, “I missed you,” instead, hoping he took her jitteriness for her unusual, innocent admission. And when he wrapped her up in a hug, so tight she briefly felt herself whole again, the jagged pieces of her slotting together for the first time in seven months, she’d had to bite her tongue to keep the words down.

He’d attempted to draw her back into the routine they once had, having dinner at his place at least once a week, but she found it harder to stay quiet the more she was alone with him. So Emily kept her distance, turned down his invitations until he stopped asking altogether. He’s still there, she knows he is, but he’s leaving it to her to go to him.

She’s not sure if she hates him for that or not.

While she was drowning in the wake of her destruction and slowly trying to piece herself together again, he’d found someone.

The first time catches her by surprise. For some reason she never thought he’d do it, or that it would progress this quickly. The Beth she’d heard was helping him train bounds over to him as they’re discussing breakfast, throwing an arm around his neck and pressing her lips to his sweaty cheek.

The tips of his ears quickly grow red as her tinkling voice washes over them, singing him praises with a voice sweet as a bird’s.

“Beth,” Aaron says as he wraps an arm around her waist. Emily’s eyes drop to his large palm. “I’d like you to meet my son Jack.” Jack waves cheerfully. “And my team.”

Nothing registers in her head as introductions are exchanged. Emily doesn’t see Morgan and Rossi’s exchanged smirks or the way Aaron’s gaze drops to her for a fleeting second. She barely remembers to lift her hand in a weak wave, grateful for her large sunglasses and the excuse of a hangover visibly clinging to her form, making itself known in her casual leggings and still blown out hair.

Unthinkingly, her eyes comb over Beth, cataloging the dark waves of her hair and the startling blue of her eyes, trying desperately to find the reason why. The lack of blonde hair is notable, though her bubbliness and bright ocean blues are less than surprising.

Nausea churns in her stomach, sloshing around with leftover alcohol and the bitter coffee she’d downed in JJ’s kitchen. She hears the word breakfast and decides to excuse herself before the contents of her stomach splash on the grass.

****

Emily watches them twirl around on the dance floor, Beth’s dark hair catching the fairy lights. Aaron laughs, his hand engulfing hers, and Emily tips her drink back in one go.

Penelope watches her watch them—him—her eyes dropping to Emily’s tight grip on the glass. They had a huge victory yesterday; their best friend is getting married, but with Emily’s lip between her teeth, her brows drawn over her eyes, she looks pained. 

Penelope inhales a sharp breath. She’s not a profiler, but some things don’t need profiling. She looks around the table, making sure they’re alone, before she lets the thought spill free. “You love him,” she says quietly. It’s not a question.

Emily’s breath hitches. She’s quiet, but then she laughs. It’s bitter, catching on the sharp edges of her ribs as it leaves her body. “Yeah,” she whispers, because there’s no point in lying. It’s written clearly on her face, in the downward tilt of her lips as she looks after his retreating form, unable to disguise it anymore.

She can feel Penelope’s surprise beside her, her quiet disbelief. Emily doesn’t blame her; it’d come unexpectedly for her, too. Someone finally knows—though she suspects all of them have at least some sort of idea—and Emily’s lungs feel fit to burst from the silence. It’s a secret locked in the depths of her soul, but she’s tired of keeping secrets. 

“After Foyet…” She begins, then trails off. It’s one thing she’s never shared, something she always kept close to her chest, tucked safely inside her heart. The nights Aaron would call her over so she could coax Jack to bed, the days after where they would share a quiet look of acknowledgment and nothing else.

Emily wets her lips, swallows against her dry throat. “I was over a lot,” she says simply, trying to keep as much to herself as possible. Penelope stays quiet, holding her breath as she watches Emily, her head down as she messes with her already ragged cuticles.

A lot is an understatement. She’d spent more nights than she can count in the Hotchner household, first just to check in, then selfishly, because she wanted to. She found an unexpected comfort in them, and they found solace in her company. Distantly, she hears Jack’s familiar laugh as Reid flips some playing cards and she closes her eyes, finding a hidden memory in the darkness.

“Daddy?” Jack sniffles as he comes into view, his pajamas rumpled and his hair mussed from sleep. Tear tracks shine on his cheeks and Aaron’s leaning forward to reach for him before Jack’s bare feet cross the carpet. 

Jack’s wet eyes find her then. “Emmy?” He absently rubs at his cheek as he walks to her. He holds out his hands and Emily picks him up before he reaches the edge of the couch, settling him on her lap and hugging his small body to hers.

“What’s wrong, Jack-Jack?” She whispers as she rubs his back, her eyes meeting Aaron’s concerned gaze. 

“Bad dream.” Jack hiccups. He grabs her shirt in a small fist and hides his face in her neck, his tears dampening her skin.

Aaron leans close to them both, his hand joining Emily’s on his son’s back. “Do you want to tell us about it, buddy?” His voice is coaxing, but Emily hears the buzzing of anxiety lining his words.

Jack shakes his head. His mussed hair tickles Emily’s cheek as she exchanges another look with Aaron, his eyes so full of concern she inexplicably wants to wrap her arm around him, too. She clears her throat instead, “Well, your dad and I were just about to watch a movie, do you want to watch it with us?” She soothingly runs her fingers through Jack’s hair, feeling his breathing start to slow beneath her palm.

He nods into her neck. Emily lightly kisses his forehead, her eyes accidentally meeting Aaron’s again. She suddenly realizes the tips of their fingers are touching. He smiles at her, an upward tilt to his lips that warms her heart almost as much as the child in her arms.

“Any suggestions?” She murmurs softly to Jack. Her eyes flit to Aaron’s once more and she smiles as he mouths Cars.

“Cars,” Jack’s small voice confirms a beat later. Aaron smiles and gets up to turn the movie on as Jack yawns. He stretches his small legs over her lap, his soft cheek pressing against hers. “Your hair is gone.” He notices.

Emily laughs lightly. “Some of it, yeah,” she murmurs, continuing to rub circles on his back. “Do you like it?”

She feels him nod against her neck. He runs his hand through it seconds later, the soft strands slipping between his fingers.

“Pretty.” He mumbles, his eyes drooping closed before the movie even starts. Emily grins and adjusts her hold on him, fitting her arm around his small body to secure him on her lap.

“Thank you, sweetheart.”

Emily takes a slow breath and feels it rattle around in her lungs. She blinks away the memory. “I don’t know how it happened, but I realized it when I was gone.” 

From the moment she stepped on the jet with JJ, actually. The fear had gripped her, the pit in her stomach widening as she realized she wanted to stay home, wanted to stay with Aaron and her team and never leave. The revelation followed the hot tears rolling down her cheeks in the tight bathroom, Emily’s face in her hands as she sat down on the closed toilet seat, too tired to lift her own body up for too long.

I love him, the thought echoed in her head, finally clear from the drugs but aching from the force of her constant tears. I love him and I may never see him again.

And now it’s too late.

Emily swallows tightly. Her head automatically snaps up at the sound of Aaron’s laugh, her eyes sliding to him and Beth on the dance floor. Her head is tucked into his neck, the dark waves of her hair brushing the gauzy material of her shawl.

Deliriously, Emily thinks from the right angle, she could almost be her.

The throbbing in her heart heightens to sharp stabs and Emily sucks in a breath. She turned down Clyde’s offer but now, looking at them, she wonders if she should’ve taken it.

Wonders if he’d take her back.

****

Something’s different. And yeah, it’d be safe to assume it’s the trauma, but it only started recently. She avoids him, turns down his invitations even when he softly mentions Jack, hoping the mention of his son would coax her back into his apartment. But she’s steadfast—albeit polite—and he can only watch from a distance as she works on repairing her bonds with the others, cautiously bringing offerings of peace and extending olive branches that have long since been accepted.

In his heart, Aaron knows why she’s distant; she hates him. For sending her away and burying her empty casket in the ground. She hates him because he ordered JJ to lie, because he allowed her closest friends to go months thinking she was dead. Because he couldn’t catch Doyle when he was right there, forcing her to change her name and heal in hiding as the ghost disappeared once more.

She hates him, but at least she’s alive. He can live with that.

His heart still aches. She’s so close, within touch, really, but they’ve never been further apart. He remembers the few times she’d called him Aaron, the soft touch of her fingertips on his wrist to tell him everything will be okay. Her light jokes and easy smiles are a thing of the past, something he sees only in his memories these days. She’s constantly on alert, the lines of her body perpetually tensed, and he just wants to reach out, place a hand on her shoulder and tell her breathe, relax, no one’s coming after you anymore. 

He misses her, but he doesn’t dare push any harder, already achingly aware of her skittishness, her habit of running when the walls close in. 

This week is particularly bad. She’s pale, dark circles pressed firmly under her eyes and her nails bitten to the quick. He notices she substitutes coffee for herbal teas and stares into the distance when no one talks to her, lost to her thoughts as her eyes grow unfocused. When they’re in the car, on the way to the ME, he can’t stay quiet.

“Emily.” He ventures cautiously. She immediately tenses, her muscles stiffening before she can stop them, because once she’s Emily she knows whatever they’re discussing isn’t work.

She keeps her eyes on her case file. “Yeah, Hotch?” 

He chances a quick look at her and finds her hair shielding her like a curtain, the case file gripped between her fingers. Aaron looks back at the road, her tense shoulders not escaping his attention.

“I’ve noticed you were…” What? Distant, avoidant? Not looking him in the eye except for when he barks out orders? Aaron clears his throat. “Withdrawn, lately.”

He feels her hot gaze on him then. “Is it affecting my performance?” She asks, curt and to the point.

“What?” The question briefly takes him by surprise. “No, of course not. I’m just worried—”

Her phone rings loudly, interrupting him. Emily takes out her phone with shaking fingers, a small huff of air escaping her as she hurries to accept the call. “Yeah Morgan,” she answers.

Aaron doesn’t ask again after she hangs up, but her shoulders are still stiff, as if she’s afraid he will, afraid he’ll try to talk to her about something other than work. He tightens his hands on the wheel to stop himself from reaching out for her, the sinking feeling in his stomach growing stronger as the distance between them stretches and warps, making him feel like she’s a million miles away rather than right here.

****

Penelope keeps her arm firmly looped through Emily’s, as if scared she’ll bolt even though Emily has no means of going home without her. She smiles humorlessly as her friend’s grip tightens.

“I’m not leaving, Pen,” she says dryly, briefly hating herself for her moment of weakness at the wedding. Her stomach twists in anticipation but she swallows down her jitteriness, steels herself as they face Rossi’s door, “I’m already here, I might as well stay for the food.”

The door swings open and Emily’s grateful for her mother’s political training as she walks in, her eyes meeting Beth’s then Aaron’s. Her smile doesn’t waver even as her heart gets wrung by two invisible hands, the hitch in her breath concealed by Penelope’s bright greetings, Rossi’s warm calls of welcome.

“Emmy!” Jack bounds over to her. He’s wrapped around her middle before she can blink, and immediately she feels a real smile tug at her lips.

“Hi Jack-Jack.” She crouches down to hug him properly. His small arms wrap around her neck, his sandy hair tickling her cheek, and she feels a familiar warmth in her chest as she hugs him tight. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” he pulls back to pout at her. “Why don’t you come over anymore?” He frowns, the expression so like Aaron’s that she briefly feels her breath catch. 

Emily swallows, her throat suddenly dry at his innocent question. She’s acutely aware of everyone around her, listening even though they’re pretending not to. 

She smiles tightly, “Sorry, sweetheart, I’ve just been a little busy.” She lightly brushes the hair from his face to avoid his questioning gaze, the blonde slipping through her fingers a relief from the honey-like eyes he stole from his father. “I promise we can do something fun soon, yeah?”

His eyes light up. “Like the aquarium?”

Emily smiles, even as the prospect of seeing Aaron after work roils her stomach unpleasantly. “Sure honey. If your dad agrees.” She says and Jack nods vigorously, already well aware he has his father wrapped around his finger.

Dinner is a lively affair, with her seated between Penelope and Morgan, each of them just enough to distract her from the couple almost directly across from her. Emily eats her fill of mushroom risotto and steadfastly ignores Aaron, the steady stream of wine Dave keeps pouring eventually making her shoulders loosen. By the end of dinner it’s easy to ignore them, and as she settles onto the couch next to JJ, Jack slides in between them and leans into her side.

He nudges under her arm and she raises it to wrap around his shoulders. “Hey Jackers.” She can’t believe how much he’s grown in seven months, two of his teeth knocked out and already growing, his cheeks losing some of the baby fat she’d loved to pinch between her fingers. “Where’s Henry?”

She keeps her eyes fixed on him as he leans his head on her chest, trying to ignore the heat from the searing gazes of her friends. She can feel Aaron looking, can feel Beth’s eyes on her; questioning, envious.

“Don’t know. Wanna stay here,” Jack mumbles. He wraps his arm around her waist in a sideways hug, the material of her blouse grabbed loosely in his fist. Emily stifles a sigh into his hair. His small weight settles into her side as he relaxes fully, growing slowly heavier until she looks down and finds him asleep. 

Emily tries to listen to the conversations around her, her hand rubbing mindless circles on Jack’s back, but her attention is drawn from Morgan’s energetic storytelling when she hears Beth’s tinkling laugh.

Don’t look, she immediately tells herself. Her shoulders tense and she swallows. Don’t look, don’t look, do—

She looks. 

It’s slow, the noose that tightens around her heart. Almost gentle, soothing at first, wrapping around her heart snugly before it starts to tighten, tug, until she feels the sides of her heart tear open. Emily swears she can feel the blood trickling down it as Aaron smiles down at Beth, his dimples curved in his cheeks as he holds her hand, strokes his thumb over her skin.

Don’t look, she thinks again as Beth beams at him and tangles their fingers together, hers so pale and slender as they slot between his. There are gaps between them, gaps Emily knows her own calloused fingers would fill effortlessly. Because she felt the imprint of his fingers in the gentle press of his hand against her lower back, absently guiding her further into the jet. She knows how his hands look wrapped around a gun or holding a pen, knows that her palm would slide perfectly over his.

Emily lets out her shaky exhale into Jack’s hair, her arms unconsciously tightening around him. Her heart starts beating faster, blood spraying her ribcage when she hears the low murmur of Aaron’s voice, still so distinct in a room full of talking people. It’s like her ears know the vibration of it in the air. She picks it up, isolates it from the buzz around them, until it’s the only thing she can hear. It’s subconscious, something she does without feeling; his voice rattles around in her head, the same way it did when she was in Paris, telling her to hold on, promising he’ll get her back soon.

She can’t breathe.

Slowly unwrapping Jack from her, she gets up and gently lays his head down on a pillow in her place. Her legs carry her to the kitchen and she shakily pours herself a glass of water, the beat of her heart thudding in her ear. Her skin feels overly warm in contrast to the water she gulps down, trying to chase away the nausea roiling in her stomach at another one of Beth’s laughs.

Aaron isn’t that funny, she thinks bitterly. His humor consists of dry retorts and ridiculous dad jokes, often said in a tone so wry they rarely sound like jokes at all.

But perhaps things are different, when she’s his lover and not just his friend. 

She doesn’t hear the click of heels behind her, her eyes unfocused as she stares into nothing. “Hey Em, I’m getting a bit tired. Should we leave?”

Emily startles from her reverie, turning to find Penelope. She meets her friend’s gaze, wide and shining with poorly hidden concern, and feels a swirl of irritation and affection all at once.

It’s not pity, she tells herself as her throat closes up with something she tries to convince herself is anger. Penelope’s hand is tightly bunched in her dress, her brows furrowed as her eyes dart to Aaron and Beth again. Emily knows that look; the fierce protectiveness that shines through when Morgan messes around a little too roughly with Reid, or when she’s around and they get mistreated by local officers.

Emily’s shoulders slump. “Sure, Pen,” she says. They both ignore the slight hoarseness to her voice, the way it scrapes against the back of her throat. “I’m a little tired, too.” She gives her a small smile and sets the glass down on the counter, half full. 

Penelope’s face tightens at something behind her. Emily frowns, “Wh—?”

“Leaving already?” Aaron’s voice reaches her from behind. Emily briefly closes her eyes and takes a quick breath before turning around to face him, a tight smile on her face. 

“Yeah, we’re tired.” Her tone is brisk and she ignores the way his brows furrow slightly, clearly catching it. She turns to Penelope, “I won’t be long, I’ll just go grab my coat.”

“Actually you go start the car, the keys are in my purse. ” Penelope tells her, a too-tight smile on her own lips, “I’ll be right there.”

Emily gives her a confused frown but she nods, relief flooding her veins at being released from Aaron’s watchful gaze. She walks past him without a word.

He’s still looking after her as she leaves and the spark in Penelope’s blood turns to flame. Without really thinking of it, she places her hand on his back and pushes him to the library, ignoring the way he tenses suddenly, a surprised, “Garcia?”, leaving his lips. He doesn’t resist, though, and lets her lead him through Rossi’s hallways.

She’s fuming by the time she shoves him into the room and shuts the door. 

“What are we—”

“You can’t keep doing this to her.” She interrupts hotly, her head full of Emily’s tight smiles, her diminished light. She misses her cheerful best friend, and while logically she knows Aaron isn’t the only reason, he’s a damn big part of it. “Can’t you see how she feels? You’re flaunting it at every opportunity and you need to stop.” Her tone is cutting, but she can’t think to soften it.

Aaron frowns and his confusion makes the blood rush faster in her ears. Damn profilers. They’re so good at figuring out everyone except their own selves. He swallows and begins cautiously, “I don’t know who you’re—”

“Keep your girlfriend at home.” Penelope bites out. 

The furrow between his brows gives as it dawns on him. “Oh.” He breathes. His eyes widen as he processes the words, his tongue running over his lips. “Is this about Emily?”

“Yes, this is about Emily!” Penelope yells. Her voice echoes off the walls and she’s briefly glad she pulled him into the library. “Damn it Hotch, she loves you.”

He sucks in a breath and she does too, the words too late to take back now. A bitter taste floods her mouth and she snaps it shut too late. Penelope can almost see the words turning in his head, spinning, spinning as her stomach churns.

“Did she tell you that?” He croaks out. He looks pained, as if at any moment he’s expecting her to laugh and tell him it’s all a joke.

“God, she doesn’t have to!” Penelope shouts, her guilt evaporating in a burst of anger. “She loves you and you love her too, only instead of talking to her about it, you went and dated someone else.” She rattles off breathlessly, her skin itching.

She’s overstepping, she knows she is, and god, Emily would have her ass if she knew she’s going off on their boss, but the words spill out of her, blazing hot. For all his rigid decisions and clipped manner, she’s never felt any resentment toward him, even when he directed his rare anger to her. But this sets off a boiling rage in her gut.

Aaron swallows, his throat bobbing. His eyes are slightly widened and Penelope notices the way he runs his thumb over his index finger repeatedly. “She needs time,” he says slowly, clearly trying to convince himself of his own words when she cuts him off. “She’s just—”

“You don’t know what she needs. And you don’t get to make that decision for her.” With that she opens the door and leaves the library. She says her goodbyes and slams the door a little too forcefully when she gets into the car, making Emily jolt in her seat. Her breaths are loud as she starts the car, but the roar of the engine still doesn’t mask the sound.

Emily lets out a low sigh and digs her fingers into her thigh. “I don’t need you to fight my battles for me.” Her voice is low. Penelope opens her mouth but Emily shakes her head, cutting her off. “He’s dating her, fine. That’s none of my business,” she blows out a breath, ignoring the way it shakes. “He’s still my boss. And yours, too.”

Emily turns to her friend, her chest growing tighter at the sight of Penelope’s frown, the angered pinch of her mouth. God, why couldn’t she just keep her mouth shut? This is exactly why she hadn’t confessed to him in the first place; work and personal life don’t mix.

“He’s not doing anything wrong, so don’t punish him for it. It’s none of our business.” Her tone is final, leaving no room for argument.

Penelope shakes her head as she buckles her seatbelt and drives off. “It is if he’s shoving her in our faces,” she mutters lowly.

Emily doesn’t reply. She stays silent the whole drive, giving Penelope a small smile and a goodnight when she drops her off. Walking into her apartment and shutting the door behind her, she briefly hears nothing, a still silence that almost makes her tense, before the tinkling bell on Edith’s collar rings as she trots to Emily, her tail in the air.

“Hi.” The cat surprisingly pulls a laugh from her as she rubs against her ankles, looking up at her with a meow. Emily leans down and picks her up. “Nice to know I’ve been missed,” she presses a kiss to her furry forehead as she walks to her room, flipping on light switches as she goes. The dark unsettles her in ways it didn’t used to before, the smallest shadows sending chills up her spine.

Emily walks into her room and lets Edith go. She changes into satin pajamas—they usually make her feel at least a little bit better—and sits down at her dresser to take her makeup off, ignoring the welling tears in her eyes and pretending they rise from the aggressive press of her cotton pad against her eyeball. She wipes the stray tears along with the mascara and throws the blackened cotton into the trash, blowing out a huff as she swallows, trying to force the lump from her throat.

Edith jumps onto her lap, her paws pressing into the skin of her thigh. Emily wraps her arms around the clingy cat and hugs her like a baby. “I hate men.” She whispers miserably. She looks in the mirror and her eyes find Sergio on the bed. “Present company notwithstanding, of course.”

In the dead silence, the realization that she’s talking to her cats hits suddenly and violently. “Jesus,” Emily stands, Edith falling off her lap with a protesting meow, “what is my life?” She presses a palm into her eyes.

The doorbell rings, the sound echoing around the walls. She frowns as she walks to it, the tinkling bell telling her that her furry companion isn’t too far behind. Emily looks through the peephole and abruptly feels herself stop breathing. She swings the door open, too shocked to think about hiding her attire. 

“Hotch?” She questions, her voice choked and her brows raised. Her apartment is rarely visited, unlike his. “What are you doing here?”

He’s still dressed in the same clothes he wore at Rossi’s, only his hair is messier and hanging over his eyes, in a way she’s only ever seen in the comfort of his home. He takes a deep breath, his gaze briefly dropping to her bare legs before meeting hers again.

“I broke up with Beth.”

Her inhale is loud. 

Her eyes widen as the words echo in her head—the same ones she’d shamefully dreamt about, now spoken out loud, in his steady voice. Her limbs grow jittery, a weakness to her knees that makes it difficult to stay upright.

“So?” Emily crosses her arms, ignoring the frantic pounding of her heart against her ribcage. She tries to school herself into indifference, but her mask already slipped, and Aaron’s already seen it. Her eyes meet his—how long has it been since she’s done that?

He’s a blur of messed-up hair and desperate hands as he surges forward and kisses her. His palms are on her cheeks, his lips insistent, apologetic against hers. Emily can do nothing but respond, helplessly surrendering under the feel of his hands, pushing away the thoughts that they’d been tangled with Beth’s hours ago. 

Wordlessly, she can feel him begging, his hands tender as they wander to her hair, slip around her waist. Sorry, sorry, sorry, his lips seem to say as she finally lets herself fall into him. Aaron holds her, so tight she almost resents herself for waiting this long.

“I’m sorry,” he breathes against her lips, their heaving chests touching with each exhale. Her fingers are tangled in his shirt, his are winded in her hair, and his honey-brown eyes are so close she loses her breath all over again. 

“I’m so sorry, Emily.” His voice is a low murmur that he presses into her temple with a kiss. He lets go of her hair, squeezes her waist, and she exhales shakily, closing her eyes.

This is real, she tells herself. Her lips tingle, her body is overly heated from his own body heat. She feels the rise and fall of his chest beneath her hands as he kisses her face, so gently, as if she could break. Her breath hitches, his does too, and he’s so wonderfully real she wants to cry.

It takes an eternity before she catches her breath. “You’re an idiot.” 

“I know.” He answers immediately. Another kiss is pressed to her cheek, an apology, but she doesn’t want one.

Emily blows out a breath. “You hurt me.” She whispers.

Aaron’s face crumples. “I know. Fuck, I’m so sor—”

“Don’t do it again.” Her voice turns firm. I couldn’t take it if you did. It makes her pulse race, the way he’s got her heart in his hands.

“Never.” He vows. Against her will, her lips twitch. 

“I told you not to make promises you can’t keep.” She chides, her words escaping in a sigh as he kisses her cheekbone, the delicate skin next to her eye.

“Not breaking this one.” He murmurs. His warm hands circle her waist, his fingers digging the satin deeper into her skin.

Emily tips her head back, wanting to feel his lips on hers again. God, she’s dreamed of this. It kept her sane when she was in Paris, losing her mind with grief, her ears strained for any sound of the phone ringing. She’s too desperate to remember the throb in her heart just minutes ago, but after she kisses the air from his lungs, she’ll give him hell.

It seems Aaron’s been waiting, too. He gently backs her against the door, trapping her between the wood and his warm, large body. The weight of him sears her skin and she can’t get enough. Emily urges his hand on her waist and he just slips his hand under her camisole when he jumps back, startled.

She gives him a dazed look as he peers down at the floor. “Is this Sergio?” He asks, and she finally looks down. A calico cat is rubbing against his ankles, sweet black and brown spots joining together to make a heart next to her ear.

“No,” she breathes out a laugh, “Sergio’s in my room. This is Edith.” Emily bends down to pick her up, smiling at the cat as she starts purring. “She’s a cuddler.”

Aaron's smile is soft. The dimples she’d always wanted to be directed at her are finally here, dented into his cheeks. “You have horrible taste in names.” He runs a finger between Edith’s ears.

Emily’s brow arches. “You have some nerve to comment on my taste in anything, Aaron Hotchner.” She glares as he takes the cat out of her arms and gently drops her on the floor. He straightens and cups her face, stroking his thumb along her jaw; searching, memorizing. “My ‘horrible taste’ is what got us into this mess.” Her voice is strangely wobbly.

Aaron doesn’t seem to mind. “Say my name,” he murmurs, the tips of his fingers sliding into her hair, “please.” She so rarely did, and from the look on his face, she knows he’s desperate for it now.

Emily obliges, breathing it out slowly, her tongue smoothing over the letters, rising and cresting over the vowels. Aaron closes his eyes and kisses it off her lips.

“Again.” He says softly.

Emily’s lips curve. She loops her arms around his neck and says it again and again, each time cementing the idea that he’s hers, each tightening of his fingers on her waist cementing the fact that it’s real.

taglist: @kllingdaddy

[illarian-rambling]

So this has been looooong overdue...

Character Introduction: Duchon Avymere Kalaphon Spearsong III, Heir to the Icy City

“So.” The Duchon pulled a silken rope and a blue-clad figure brought out a tea set almost faster than Astra could blink. “You seem a curious sort. My last tailor was an old, stodgy fellow—I always worried one needle prick would be the end of him.” They smiled mischievously. “Tell me about yourself, Ms. DuClaire, and I’ll tell you a bit about myself. Nothing you don’t want to, of course. Just anything you find fun or worth sharing.”

Somewhat surprisingly, the Duchon began to prepare two cups of tea with their own hands. Silently, they tapped the bowl of sugar. Astra held up three fingers.

Was this some sort of ploy? Astra honestly couldn’t tell what the motive would be, much less if there was one. The Duchon seemed almost child-like, humming softly to themself as they stirred their servant’s tea.

Alright, doll, I’ll play your game. But I ain’t gonna— Astra took a sip of the tea they passed her and almost fainted for how tantalizing the flavor was. Ok, maybe I’ll like it.

“Well, like my papers said, I’m from the Republic.” She cleared her throat, blushing a bit under the handsome elf’s undivided attention. “What they didn’t say is I’m most a’ the way to a book mage, I just never ended up gettin’ my license. Your, uh, your grace, I mean.”

“What a remarkable path!” The Duchon blinked eyes as bright as a bird’s. “As a note, when we’re in my personal quarters, you may call me Avymere, if you wish. I know you don’t have our slew of titles down in the Republic. Trust me, even I find it all confusing sometimes!”

They laughed, a light, airy sound that reminded the witch of wind chimes. She found herself relaxing into the chair, smiling as she sipped her tea, even as her mind whirled. There was just something about this person! It snagged at Astra’s core like a loose tooth. Maybe it was just her general distrust of fine folk, but no one was that chipper—not at eight in the morning with a total stranger.

“Why did you decide to quit before taking your licensing exam?” Avymere asked, they themself also sitting in a more relaxed manner now. “I understand it’s a very difficult exam, though I never had a head for runes. My father tried, by the gods he did, but nothing ever stuck.” They shrugged in a ditzy way. “I suspect he was always a little disappointed I never took to it.”

“The exam was more money than I was willin’ to spend,” Astra answered, skirting the truth by an inch or two. “’Sides, I don’t need it for what I’m doin’ now.”

Was it possible that the Duchon was just… dumb? Well-meaning, but it was just so out there that a noble would be asking such intrusive questions to the help. If a library worth of runic knowledge hadn’t been on the line and she wouldn’t’ve been hung for saying so, Astra would’ve told anyone else to stuff it. Her reasons for not having her license were no one’s business but her own! Yet, Astra couldn’t honestly look into those starling eyes and work up any true indignation. They were just so genuine.

“I heard a description of the skirt you made,” Avymere continued with a conspiratory grin. “I think that’s a beautiful marriage of the arts—runes and fashion. Though I guess runes aren’t technically art, are they? They sure are pretty though. Do you have a favorite rune? One you think is the prettiest?”

Another… well it wasn’t really a nosy question, just a weird one. Astra decided to answer honestly. “On a visual level? Fire,” she said. “It’s one a’ the simplest shapes, yet elegant too. ’Course I don’t use it much in this line a’ work.”

“Oh, I suppose that’s a shame. But you wouldn’t want clothes catching on fire, now would you?” Avymere laughed again, drawing an unexpected chuckle from Astra’s lips as the elf’s mirth spread through the air.

“So, you had another line of work, then? Not magic if you don’t have your license, I’m guessing, and not clothes because that’s what you’re doing now. Were you”—Their eyes flicked to her hands, to the slight stiffness with which she held her left arm—“a farmer? Oh, or a fighter! You’ve got a tough look about you. Is it true all people in the Republic can swing a sword?”

“I, uh….” Astra paused, then really considered what she was about to say. Potion hunting wasn’t too far from what she’d been doing for six years. That was probably exactly the sort of answer Avymere wanted though.

Astra considered further what she’d said already to this chatterbox elf, what she’d given up as answers to those silly questions. Avymere knew she was an unlicensed mage with the skill to pass the exam, just not the funds. They knew she had a proclivity for fire. They knew she had the hands of a physical laborer and a previously injured arm. In short, they’d picked up on everything that might make her dangerous in less time than it’d taken the witch to finish her tea.

She grinned. So this was a game then. Just one she’d never seen played before.

And by extension, one she herself didn’t know how to play.

“I did freelance work for a few years on the road.” Astra shrugged, leaning back in her chair. “I assume you’re a spy a’ some sort.”

“That—” Avymere coughed, choking briefly on their tea. Astra’s grin grew even wider. They caught the expression and a cautious smile began to creep onto their own features. “And why ever would you ask that?”

“Just the questions ya asked, is all. That and I ain’t too trustin’ a’ nobility—no offense. It all lined up too neatly, ya didn’t have any questions in there that were pure nonsense.”

Avymere’s smile grew more coy. “I’ll take that into account, Ms. DuClaire. Your insight is an honest pleasure. And I take no offense, I probably trust my peers less than you do. Now, shall we dispense with the interview and start our day?”

Full backstory is under the cut ;)

Avymere is the only child of Archduke Eluan Spearsong and Duchess Amarell Spearsong. The Spearsongs have long ruled the city of Salis, within the icy elven country of Skysheer, and are counted as the second most important family in the nation. In addition, they are known to possess a powerful inherited sorcery, augmented by their study of runes. Eluan Spearsong has been long considered one of Illaros's most powerful mages, while his wife steered the city's politics like a well-broken mare. Avymere should've been born with everything, and in a way, they were. In others, they were not so lucky.

For starters, Avymere was born without a trace of sorcery - the first Spearsong in a millenia to be fully mundane. Secondly, though their father tried and they studied and struggled, book magic never clicked for them either. They exist as a break in the grand chain of Spearsong arcane tradition. Thirdly, when they were no more than eight, their mother was assassinated by an unknown faction. The culprit was never found.

This isn't to say Avymere's childhood was all dark. Apart from his sadness in his child not being able to practice magic, Eluan was a model father. He encouraged Avymere's passion for martial arts, even though such a thing is considered unseemly for Skysheerian nobility. He instilled them with strong ideals of stewardship and leading as an act of service, and always made time to care for them while running the city. It's no surprise then, that as an adult, Avymere is doggedly loyal to the Archduke.

Apart from their talent in martial arts, Avymere also has a skill for spycraft. This was recognized early on by the Archduke's spymaster, and since there are simply some places a Duchon can go that a spy disguised as a servant can't, they were trained extensively from the moment they hit adulthood. For their part, Avymere is happy to serve as a spy. It is their duty to the nation and they enjoy the challenge.

This spycraft has had a significant impact on their personality. Though they've never reflected on such a thing, Avymere would hardly recognize their true personality. They play the charming ditz in front of the court, the benevolent library builder in front of the citizens, and the terrifying specter for any rebels or political enemies who manage to get close. The one thing that remains consistent among their many faces is a sense of unyielding duty. They don't see themself as a person, but rather as a tool to protect Skysheer. It's not really an unhappy experience - more that they don't know what it means to be truly happy. The only time they take for themself is when they practice martial arts, often sparring with their bodyguards in the palace garden. They are impeccably polite, deeply cunning, and completely unaware of their worth as a person. They don't wear the crown - it wears them.

Can you see why they're one bad adventure away from a severe breakdown?

Anyways, here are some fun facts!

Avymere is 153 years old. Given that elves in my setting can live to around 500, they're the equivalent of mid to late twenties.

The martial art they practice is called Talmel Valkys, and it's a holdover from before the Skysheerian elves split from their more militant Nabafyrian cousins. Its closest real-world equivalent would be muay thai mixed with a little aikkido.

They, like everyone in their family, are very nearsighted.

Given how their mother was assassinated, Avymere is extraordinarily paranoid about assassins targeting their father.

Their gender would be defined as fe'penche specifically. Elven culture recognizes six genders, and fe'penche roughly translates to nonbianary but female leaning. This means Avymere dresses more femme and engages in traditionally feminine work (politics). In the human tongue, they stick to they/them.

They can play the pianoforte with a very medium level of skill.

That's not quite a wrap, as I have one more present for you. A proper portrait! (Finally!)

Though they are lily white to human eyes, Avymere is considered quite tan for a Skysheerian. Their hair is also a stark white typical of their people, while their eyes are a pale gray.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far! Let me know if you have any questions and you have yourself a bitchin day <3

@amandacanwrite @elsie-writes @riveriafalll @kosmic-kore @kaylinalexanderbooks

@bard-coded @carrotsinnovember @patternwelded-quill @somethingclevermahogony @whatwewrotepodcast

@the-angriest-author @mk-writes-stuff @frostedlemonwriter @vyuntspakhkite-l-darling @watermeezer

@leahnardo-da-veggie @mr-orion @televisionjester @the-ellia-west @ray-writes-n-shit

@evilgabe29 @trippingpossum @fortunatetragedy @halfbakedspuds

[no1frogfan]

Impending, part 3

Matsukawa Issei x afab reader

Word count: ~3.4k

Tags & warnings: SMUT-MINORS & AGELESS BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT. Fingering, oral sex (f receiving), p in v. There is cum. Pubes exist in this world. A little angst, pining, guilt, and desperation (my four favorite flavors).

Note: Finally finished this mini-series. The word counts have grown too much each time, but what can I say? — I want him emotionally, spiritually, biblically.

part 1 | part 2

You can’t stay in bed forever.

Probably.

Not unless you can convince Hiro to bring you something for dinner, but that’s never going to happen.

A particularly angry gurgle from your stomach makes you roll out of bed and pick your way to the kitchen. The tackiness of your skin is proof you made the right choice to sleep the day away. Summers are always stifling, and the humidity lingers even after the sun has set, preventing the air from dropping to comfortable temperatures.

A cool gust from the fridge provides a welcome relief, though it’s unfortunate the shelves are empty. That’s the worst part of being at home — the isolation. The trees and hills are beautiful, even the warbling of the birds at 4am is nice, but grocery stores and restaurants are few and far between. You could walk to the ancient ramen place a few streets down, or the sukiyaki place a few streets up, but neither sound at all appealing in this heat.

“Did mom and dad leave us anything for dinner?” You shout toward the open basement door.

No answer.

“I know you can hear me.”

You can’t see the middle finger Makki holds up. “I’m getting pizza later.”

“Can we order now? I’m starving,” you pad downstairs with a whine.

Sprawled on the couch, Hiro is sporadically illuminated by some anime show on tv. While you don’t recognize it, you can at least pick out the white-haired guy Hiro likes landing a couple of (over)dramatic punches on a black-haired guy.

“How are you even hungry? You’ve just been sleeping all day.”

Your brother doesn’t take his eyes off the tv where the black-haired one finally managed to dodge, and now the white-haired one is strategizing (at length) about his next move.

“You’re one to talk! As if you’ve mov-”

“I’m hungry too,” a deep baritone chimes in seemingly from below you.

You leap back with a yelp, squinting into the darkness at your feet. Out of the shadows, Issei’s form slowly takes shape. Honestly, you’re shocked you didn’t step on him.

“That’s not what you said 5 minutes ago,” Makki grumbles, but picks up his phone to place the order.

Issei shrugs, reaching his arm out toward you.

You dodge beyond his fingertips and beat a hasty retreat back up the stairs, calling out over your shoulder, “order me a Hawaiian pizza.”

“No way in hell. That’s disgusting.”

Fake retching sounds follow you to the top.

The cold spray of the shower is calming, necessary even, to wash the stickiness from your skin and quiet your frazzled nerves.

That happened almost a week ago, and seeing him in your house every day has only made things more fraught. While you haven’t exactly been avoiding Issei, you haven’t tried to talk to him either. For your brother’s sake you should probably make clear that it was a mistake; one that will never happen again. You could blame it on the beer or the weed, but the truth is, Issei plagues your thoughts even while sober — his breath hot on your neck, fingertips digging into the fat of your hips, the utter fullness when he pushed into you.

Before that night, the image of him as a gawky preteen was all your mind could conjure up. But now… Your fingers aren’t enough to relieve the pressure anymore.

Your encounter unleashed some latent magnetic field, prickling your senses and hopelessly drawing you toward him at every turn. You welcome his attention more than you care to admit, so, unsurprisingly, it’s been hard not to make it weird, and harder not to second-guess every single interaction these days. Since when did he know your favorite snacks? Did he used to stare at you so much? Had he always been this touchy?

Or is he just hoping for a repeat of the other night?

The possibility stirs up both anxiety and relief. Except for the teeny, tiny detail of being your little brother’s best friend — you know, the one person outside of family that Hiro places 100% of his trust in — Issei would top your list of fuck buddies (and if you’re honest, maybe even more than that).

What’s been most confusing is that Issei doesn’t seem bothered, and you’re not sure why that irritates you so much. He’s never seemed like the kind of guy who would treat you like a notch in his bedpost, but then again, best friend’s sibling is a perennially popular porn trope for a reason. Surely he’s not immune.

None of that really matters though. Hiro’s been acting strange lately, like he knows something’s up. Half the time, he books it out of a room as soon as you walk in. God knows how he’d react if he found out what happened. Issei said he wouldn’t care, but how true is that? You try to imagine how you’d feel if one of your friends told you they’d slept with Hiro, and you can’t help but be…one, grossed out because you really don’t want to think about it. And two, well…protective, angry maybe. He might be an ass, but he’s still your brother, and you’d never do anything to actually hurt him.

A knock breaks into your anxious musings.

It’s then you notice you’re standing vacantly in the middle of your room. Somehow, you’d finished showering and walked back while lost in thought.

“Go away!”

Hiro is the last person you want to talk to right now; especially not before you can get your thoughts under control.

Footsteps shuffle away, but instead of the telltale creak of the stairs, they pause, then turn back toward the door.

The door jiggles and clicks open.

“What part of-”

Except it’s not Hiro. It’s Issei.

His audacity dumbfounds you, but only for a second.

“The hell?! Get out!”

Hesitation flickers across his face but he takes a step forward.

“Can we talk?”

“NO.” You wrap the towel tighter around yourself.

When he doesn’t move, you reiterate the point by whirling on your heels and stomping toward the dresser. The underwear drawer suddenly captures your full attention, and you rummage through it with single-minded focus.

The door shuts behind you with another click, and you let out a shaky breath.

The relief is short-lived.

“You’ve been avoiding me.” Goosebumps break out all over your skin at his words.

“That’s not true.”

The lavender scent of your shampoo tickles his nose. With you faced resolutely away, he steps closer and allows his eyes to sweep over the droplets gleaming across your shoulders.

“No?”

His lips brush against the base of your neck, and whatever retort you had fizzles on your tongue.

“Issei,” you whimper, “you said you wanted to talk.”

You lean back into his touch and feel him grin against the juncture of your neck. His hands, big and warm and firm, slide up under the towel to knead at your soft thighs, rapidly emptying your brain.

He gives you a gentle nudge toward the bed.

“I don’t think we should do this,” you protest, but your lack of conviction is apparent in how eagerly you obey, practically tripping over yourself to perch on the edge of the mattress.

He raises one thick eyebrow. “Why?”

“Hiro’s going to find out.”

Issei unbuttons his shirt with unhurried movements, unveiling the smooth musculature of his chest. Its slopes and dips are made more dramatic thanks to the yellow-orange light of the single desk lamp. You swallow thickly, eyes drawn to the sharp cut of his collarbones and the faded scar on his right hip.

“Makki knows. He doesn’t care.”

His shorts and underwear quickly land in a pile on the floor.

Even in the harsh light, his dick is nothing short of mouth-watering. A pretty flush tip sits enticingly over its thick, veiny length. Coarse hairs curl tightly at the base, trimmed short to reveal more of him.

He kneels and shuffles forward to tug the towel from your clutch, uttering an appreciative groan before he tosses it aside.

“Fuck, just look at you.”

Your objections devolve into gasping moans when he pushes you back to lay open-mouthed kisses across your collarbones and down your chest, sluggishly mouthing over your hips, down the tops of your legs and back up, licking a stripe along the tender skin of your inner thigh as he splays your legs up and out. He dives in to suck on your clit and you almost choke.

Your entire body tenses with pleasure when he starts to lap at you. But it’s the way he meets your gaze with hooded eyes — intoxicated from a single taste — that kickstarts the last ounce of resistance left in your body.

“Issei, if you- fuck that’s ahhh- you’re just looking to get your dick wet…”

That stills his tongue. Even though you’re the one protesting, you can’t help but whine now that he’s actually stopped.

“That’s not…” He frowns, a mixture of your juices and his saliva glistening on his chin. In one fluid motion, Issei slides you off the bed and onto his lap. A shudder runs through him when his erection glides against your folds, though it doesn’t distract him.

“Is that what you think this is?”

You’re not sure what answer he’s looking for, so you stay silent, head turned to avoid his eyes.

He scrutinizes you for what seems like an age. How could you not know? All the times he’s tried to impress you? All the things he’s done in the hopes you’ll notice him? All the years he’s trailed behind you — to your house, to university, and even to Sendai?

“Do you remember when your parents made you start watching us after school?”

Your face scrunches in confusion at the change in topic, but he’s insistent.

“Do you remember? Right after you started high school?”

“Ok…yeah,” you indulge, “I remember. I’d just joined photography club and had to quit like a month later. I was pissed — they’d never cared about leaving us home alone before so I didn’t understand why I had to babysit you guys.”

“They didn’t actually care. I made up some lie — I don’t even remember what it was now — to convince my parents we needed a sitter. I figured they’d make you do it, and they did.”

You look up in confusion. Is he…blushing?

“And in eighth grade, when I needed help with math… I actually bombed my tests on purpose for a month because I knew my parents would ask you.”

Wait… “Was that what your fights were about?”

Hiro and Issei were thick as thieves, the only exceptions being in your first and last years of high school. Their fights got heated too, though neither ever told you what set them off, no matter how many times you tried to pry it out of them. The second time, Issei didn’t come over for almost a month afterward (you remember because you had to go to his house to tutor him) but things always eventually went back to normal.

Issei huffs a soft chuckle. “Yeah, Makki figured it out.”

“Figured what out?”

“It’s not obvious?” Issei drops his head onto your shoulder with something between a groan and a laugh. “I liked you. A lot. I still do.”

He admits it so casually, like he’s commenting on the weather. Like he and Hiro haven’t kept this secret for over a decade. Like it’s hardly a confession at all.

For once, you’re the one struggling to keep up.

“Wait…you like me?”

You feel a muffled snort. “That’s literally what I’ve been saying this whole time.”

“And Hiro’s…not mad? But he’s been acting so weird lately,” you point out.

“Oh that. He keeps trying to ‘give us space’ or something. I told him to cool it.”

“Oh.” Huh. Maybe it was obvious. You were just too worried about Hiro to notice that every time he flew out of a room with some flimsy excuse, you were left alone with Issei. Issei, who you like more than you expected. Who’s had a crush on you for more than a decade. Whose lap you’re currently nestled in, naked.

“Does that mean we can…” You shift, jerking when your clit catches his spongy tip.

He laughs, grinding his hips up to meet you.

“We sure can.”

You’re still wet, really wet, you’re reminded when your pussy glides against him, and getting more aroused by the second as Issei stares, mesmerized by the slick trail you leave along the length of his cock.

His hands slide down to give your ass an excited squeeze before lifting you up onto the edge of the bed.

Dextrous fingers part your puffy lips as he rests his cheek against your thigh, giving him the perfect view of your dripping cunt. He thumbs lightly at your clit and heaves a sigh of contentment when your hips buck in response.

“Didn’t get to enjoy this last time.”

You bite back a moan when he slides one long finger into you. It reaches deep, and you squirm in encouragement when he sinks a second one in. He works them nimbly, curling and scissoring them while rolling your clit, breaking you down into a whiny mess in seconds, until you’re dripping down his wrists and onto the sheets.

You’re so distracted by his fingers that you don’t notice him dive in, just feel his lips wrap around your clit with a slurp. He licks and sucks at you eagerly, and you can only gasp and writhe, trying to steady yourself with a fist in his soft wavy hair. The walls echo with your cries mingled with Issei’s enthusiastic groans and the wet suction of your cunt around his fingers.

It catches you by surprise when you cum, cresting fast and hard, pulling your body taut and whiting out your vision. Before you realize it, you’re already quaking with aftershocks, trying to twist away from the overwhelming sensation of him licking and suckling dreamily as you come down.

When he finally pulls his fingers out, he makes a show of sucking them clean, stroking himself as he smirks up at you.

He pushes himself up off the floor and god, fuck. He’s irresistible, his cock bobbing heavily between his legs as he gets on his hands and knees above you.

Issei leans down, humming happily when he wraps his mouth around your right nipple. He massages your chest with one hand and grips his cock with the other to smear his tip along your sopping pussy.

It feels good, but you squirm and push at his shoulders. “Want you in my mouth,” you beg.

He placates you with a hungry kiss. “Next time, ok? Next time. I can barely- I don’t think I can last long,” he admits wryly, “but next time we’ll do anything you want.”

Your eyelids flutter shut in anticipation when he lines himself up.

He pushes in slowly, first the fat mushroom tip, then the whole thick length of him, rocking himself in, out, in, inch by inch until he’s pressed flush against you. Issei groans when your face contorts with pleasure. The stretch is incredible. He stuffs you so full, finally hitting that place you’ve been unable to reach.

He takes things slow. Too slow. He wasn’t able to savor you before, but he’s not about to make the same mistake again. His long, languid strokes are just enough to have you grinding against him in frustration with every thrust.

“Let me enjoy this for a minute,” he rasps.

His hands trail restlessly across your body, caressing and squeezing every inch of skin he can reach. He kisses his way down your neck to roll his tongue around your nipple, biting and sucking one before moving to the other, and back again.

After what feels like hours, your patience finally gives out.

You smack him hard on the ass. “Issei! Fuck me already.”

That jolts his hips into action. The length of his body is laid on top of you, pinning your legs up against your shoulders as he pistons into you with surprising force. Wet slaps alternate with the loud squeak of the mattress.

You begin to quiver, your whole body shaking as the heat builds in your core. He reaches deep, so so deep, making you wail every time he bumps your clit and his cock hits that perfect spot inside of you over and over again.

“Ohhh- fuck, Issei please I’m-”

He barely has time to blink before you’re falling apart at the seams again. Wave after blinding wave of ecstasy crash over you, relentless.

Your pussy clenches hard, gripping his cock so firmly he can barely move. Not a second later, he pulls out with a shout. Through hazy eyes, you see his mouth drop open. He fists his cock only once before his body stiffens, convulsing as jets of hot cum shoot out to land on your cheeks, shoulders, chest, stomach, dribbling out to coat your pubes, before finally leaving him twitching.

The room fills with hoarse pants.

You laugh weakly at the mess. “Wow, you came a lot.”

“I think I almost blacked out,” he croaks.

With great effort, he pushes himself off the bed and returns with the box of tissues from your desk. He cleans you up with care, just like last time.

“I wanted to last longer,” he mumbles, pressing a sheepish kiss to your sternum before collapsing on you, pinning you down with his weight.

It does something funny to your heart to witness him like this, so different from his usual confidence.

“Next time,” you assure him.

“Next time?” He looks up, almost reverent.

“Yeah.” You smile and brush the damp curls away from his eyes.

Next time. He breaks out in an obnoxious grin. There’s going to be a next time. And if there’s a next time, there might be a time after that.

“You won’t even need to introduce me to your parents.”

You snort. “Ok, pump the brakes.”

When you finally make your way back to the kitchen (with Issei practically holding you up as you wobbled), you find one Hawaiian pizza and two-thirds of a pepperoni pizza sitting on the counter.

Issei loads up a plate for you both before heading down to the basement. You grab some cold beers and follow suit, pausing in the doorway to take a few calming breaths.

You don’t hear any yelling or scuffling — a positive sign. Hopefully, that means Hiro isn’t too angry.

You take one wary step, then another.

When you reach the bottom, your eyes hesitantly find Hiro’s. There’s an uneasy moment when he frowns at you from where he’s seated on the floor before he gives you a curt nod. It’s stiff, but definitely not angry, not even upset.

Your shoulders untense.

Issei waves you over to the couch where he settles you securely in his lap, his arms encircling your waist. You cast another wary glance at Hiro who just rolls his eyes.

“Glad you’re finally done ‘getting some water,’” Makki snipes. “I’ve been waiting forever to start the next episode.”

“I’m definitely not thirsty anymore if you know what I mean.” Mattsun wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

Hiro’s face twists, revolted. “Ugh- I- ugh god, I don’t want to think about-” he sputters. His eyes flick to where Issei’s hands grope at your thighs and ass. “Whoa, ok rule number one: not when I’m right here. And rule number two-” there’s an uncomfortable pause before he mutters, “keep it down next time.”

Mattsun’s not at all chagrined. In fact, he puffs out his chest proudly.

You, on the other hand, shrink in absolutely mortification. Right when Issei opens his mouth to make another (probably vulgar) retort, you shove a slice of pizza in…with a little more force than you intended.

He chokes in surprise and your brother lets out a mean snicker. “Perfect timing! Serves you right.”

You expect him to continue bickering with Hiro, but Issei instead flashes you a dopey grin. “Thank you baby,” he says sweetly, muffled though it is by a mouthful of food.

The gleeful smirk drops right off Makki’s face and he whirls back toward the tv with a loud gag.

“You’re welcome,” you giggle. Your brain’s still playing catch-up with everything that’s happened today, but you think you like where this is heading.

[princess-of-the-corner]

Miraculous Sonic

(Listen, I have had a DAY, so I’m going to relate a discussion I had with my 4-year-old Nephew about this, cause honestly, It’s pretty funny)

premise: What animals would the Miraculous Ladybug characters be, if they got dropped into the Sonic World?

First, my nephew had to make me understand that just because a character had a certain miraculous, it didn’t mean they were that animal in Sonic. Because Sonic is a Hedgehog, but he would ABSOLUTELY have either the Monkey or the Black Cat, you see. The reasoning is OBVIOUS, apparently, because he did not feel the need to explain.

(Again, keep in mind - my nephew is 4)

so

Marinette - a mouse. Nephew’s argument was that she reminded him of the mice in Disney’s Cinderella (animated). This is his favourite movie. 

Sabine & Tom - Sabine is also a mouse, but Tom is a rat, apparently. Because they are bigger, you see.

Adrien - this was very divided. He’s either a golden retriever, or a cat. Specifically, nephew’s best friend’s cat, Caramel (basically a blonde tabby, with gray-green eyes, and a few brown spots), only with “an actual tail” (Caramel’s tail had to be half-docked at some point). He also argued that, if he’s a cat, Adrien should be declawed, because Gabriel wouldn’t let him keep his claws (Jesus, kid). If he’s a dog, nephew said Gabriel would put him in a fancy prong-collar, or possibly a shock one (JESUS, KID).

Emilie & Gabriel - Emilie is a dog, a very fancy, sleek golden retriever/poodle mix. Gabe is apparently a Sphinx cat. I pointed out they wouldn’t be able to have a kid together. He argued that since Adrien is a Senti, this did not matter.

Amelie & Felix - Amelie is the same as Emilie, because they are twins, but Felix is apparently a grey cat.

Nathalie - a German Shepard. He refused to elaborate.

Alya - Alya is apparently an African Grey Parrot. Because she wants to be a reporter, so she “parrots” things she sees and hears (he didn’t know the exact pun, but that was the gist).

Nino - Gecko. Species unspecified, but he showed me a picture of a brown-striped gecko with tiny headphones, so I assume that’s where that came from.

Alix - “you know the snakes with legs? The speedy one! She’s that!” He refers to several lizards as “snakes with legs”, but based on context, I assume he means the basilisk lizard, which is very fast and can run on water. He occasionally calls it “Scaly Jesus”, cause that’s what his uncle calls them, to the disapproval of the grandparents, and the laughter of the rest of us.

Kim - Kim is a tiger, because they like swimming. But a smaller tiger.

Rose - He kept saying she was the “real bouncy hamster” I think he meant Chinchilla? This one was less clear, but I THINK Chinchilla was what he was talking about? It might also have been gerbil, but he doesn’t like gerbils, so I think Chinchilla is a safe bet.

Max - Raven, because ravens and crows are smart.

Juleka & Luka - wolves, or wolf-dogs. Cause they howl, “and that’s BASICALLY singing.”

Mylene - This one was a bird. Not sure, again, but I THINK he meant a bird of paradise? Love bird? “One of the small, rainbow ones. With ‘tenna.”

Ivan - a bear. He also felt no reason to explain this one.

Nathaniel - monkey. One with a “Looooooooooooong tail” apparently. He once saw a small monkey with orange fur, and he loves that one in particular.

Marc - a raccoon. Because they have thumbs (???).

Chloé - a hummingbird. Specifically, the bumblebee hummingbird, because they are his favourite. (“It would fit in my mouth! But I don’t one in my mouth! But it could fit!”)

Sabrina - otter, because that’s his Auntie Sabrina’s favourite animal, so that means ML!Sabrina is an otter.

Lila - ferret/weasel, they are interchangeable to him. 

Anarka - also a wolf. He spent a while drawing what I’m fairly certain was a wolf with a pirate’s hat.

Jagged Stone - is a crocodile, because he has Fang. I asked what that would make Fang, in this universe. Fang is apparently, to quote, “the safety guy. And they have kisses”, so Sonic version of Fang is apparently Jagged’s bodyguard/boyfriend?

André - a very big toad. Nephew said all his political rivals would be flies (o…k?).

Audrey - praying mantis, cause they scare him.

Fu - a tortoise, cause he’s been alive FOREVER.

-

These are absolutely perfect and I love them.

[mapileonxputellas]

Best Christmas Present (Alexia Putellas x Reader)

Loved this Christmas one! Please send in anymore Christmas ideas... Requests 1, 2 and 3. 3k words x

“Final question for Y/N before we move onto Alexia.”

The joys of being the vice-captain of Barcelona meant joining Alexia for the press conference before the final game of the year. It felt like the middle of the night as you pulled up at the training session, hours before the training session all to face the questions of the media.

Having Alexia with you made it bearable, the two of you having been in a relationship for over four years now. The 7am wake up didn’t feel too bad when you were greeted with the love of your life in your shared home with Nala asleep at your feet.

“Y/N, how would you assess the season so far and what plans have you got for the Christmas break?”

A seemingly meaningless question to probably everyone in the room but one that brought up a touchy subject for yourself.

“In terms of the season so far I am pleased with both my own performance and the team overall but we know we cannot rest on that going into the new year. We’re more determined than ever to keep that unbeaten record in the league and reach the Champions League final again. We miss Alexia and others on the pitch at times but we’re trying to find alternative ways to break teams down effectively.” You answered, feeling your heart almost beat out of your chest as you thought about the second part of your answer. “I’m going to take the Christmas break to rest up and recharge ready for the new year in Spain.”

Out of all the things you loved about being Australian, the distance between there and your now home in Spain was not one of them. Christmas had never been an issue before, with the long break in the league you usually had time to travel there and back but this year the league structure meant that wouldn’t be possible and your parents’ health problems meant they couldn’t make the reverse journey.

“So you’re not travelling to Australia?”

“Sadly not.”

A simple answer but saying it out loud every time made it more real for you. Feeling a little nudge of your feat you slightly turned your head to find Alexia almost assessing you, making sure you weren’t going to breakdown so you sent her a weak smile accompanied by your blurry eyes.

Her smile immediately dropped noticing your mood and slightly scooted her chair over so her hand could grasp your own and draw patterns on your hand to calm you down.

The rest of the press conference was a blur for you, just focusing on the hand connected to your own and vaguely listening to Alexia. All you could think about was the new-found reality that you would be celebrating Christmas alone this year. This was your favourite holiday and it wouldn’t be the same on your own with no-one to celebrate with. This time the final question was a blessing as you quickly thanked the media before shuffling out of your seat.

You could feel Alexia’s eyes on you as you walked out the door but you didn’t have any time to talk about what had happened as you were thrust into a full changing room ready for the training session.

“Here come the love birds.” Claudia shouted as you entered. Trying to distract yourself you went straight over to your cubby between Ana and Jana. “Can’t even keep your hands off each other for twenty minutes.”

“Leave them alone.” Ana defended you. “They’re just in love.”

“What are you talking about anyway?” You questioned, quickly trying to change into the training gear.

“Let’s just say you weren’t as subtle as you thought you were.” Jana teased as you sat down. The young girl had spent a lot of time with both you and Alexia and often referred to you as her team mum.

“What?”

“Alexia getting handsy.” Mapi interrupted her. “You should see twitter honestly it’s like you’ve got married never mind just held hands in a press conference.”

“I thought it was cute.” Ingrid added. “Don’t listen to them.”

“I always preferred your girlfriend Mapi.”

“Right back at ya.”

Just as you finished tying your boot laces a hand came and rested on your knee before your girlfriend came into your vision, kneeling down in front of you. Her glances around the room gave away that she was waiting for the room to clear before she spoke.

“Are you ok?” She whispered. “Why didn’t you tell me….”

“Can we do this later? Please.” You almost begged, not wanting to get upset and then have to go out into the cold.

“Promise you’ll talk to me later.”

“I promise.” You replied, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “Thank you for back there.”

“Anything for you.”

….

You avoided the conversation for as long as you possible could by busying yourself around other people. Offering to give Jana a lift home who lived round the corner from you both, taking the longest shower possible and busying yourself with making tea before you sat down together for dinner, ready to face the music.

The silence was overwhelming as you both sat down, twirling the pasta round your fork as you avoided eye contact. Slowly making your way through the meal.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” Alexia broke the silence.

“It’s complicated Alexia.”

“What’s complicated for me is the fact that you didn’t want to tell me.”

“There’s nothing you can do though, your family is here and mine’s not.” You wiped away the sole tear that was slowly trickling down your face. “I thought they were going to come here but then with their latest problems the health insurance wouldn’t cover them. But it’s fine, I’ve got everything I need here and we can celebrate together the day after.”

This time though it was Alexia who was confused. “What?”

“It’s fine at least you’ll get two Christmases.”

“Babe take a step back, I’m not letting you spend Christmas day alone.”

“I mean what other choice do I have?”

“Spend it with us.” She reached over to grab your hand. “My mum always cooks enough for the whole village and she loves you.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because that’s your family Ale.”

Well and truly before this year you’d never even had the option of celebrating Christmas together with the distance between you all. “They’re your family too and before you ask whether they’d be OK with it, my mum will be just worried the whole day if she knows you’re spending the day alone.”

“I feel like I’d be intruding.”

“I promise you wouldn’t be, this past year you’ve been a rock to me and my family and we owe you this at least.”

“You don’t owe me anything Ale.”

“I do, you gave up so much of your time watching me playing football, all those nights you stayed with me in hospital and then you’ve been the brunt of all my mood swings.”

“I did it because I love you.”

“And I love you so let me do this for you now.” Ale slipped out of her seat before gently sitting on your lap. “You know one day we’ll have both our families together, little ones running around and we won’t be the guests anymore. Consider this the first step in that, I don’t want to spend Christmas apart from you any longer, I’ve done that for four years and that’s long enough.”

“You’re a good persuader Miss Putellas.” She was getting to you and the smirk on her face said she knew that as her fingers gently dragged back and forth on your exposed collar bone.

“Please, I won’t be able to celebrate if I know you’re here all alone.”

“I’m calling your mum tomorrow and double checking this is alright with her.”

“Is that a yes?”

Reaching up you gently grabbed her chin to draw your eyes together. “Yes Ale, I’d love to spend Christmas with you.” The only way to seal the deal was with a kiss which you almost immediately pulled away from as a thought came into your head. “I need a full list of who will be there so I can add them to the Christmas present list.”

“Babe I’ve already started just putting both our names on them.”

“Really?”

“Well the shit ones I just put your names on.”

“Very funny.”

Moments like these cemented how much you loved the woman on your lap, throughout all the moments her newfound fame had given her she was still your Ale. As your lips gently caressed each other’s you thought of the perfect way to thank her for all of this to truly show how much you loved her and thankfully you knew exactly how you could do that.

….

Christmas with the Putellas family was definitely an experience. You knew how much Eli loved being a host and that showed on Christmas day.

From the beginning you were made to feel just as much a part of the family as Alba and Alexia: from the stocking embroidered with your name on to the heap of presents for you. It almost made you emotional thinking about the family that you had gained from your love for the Spaniard.

The day however only grew from there with family member after family member being welcomed into the house. Even though you had met everyone before it was still quite overwhelming so you tried to help Eli as much as possible in the kitchen. Cooking was definitely your other passion away from football and it helped you to forget about all the craziness going in the other room.

“How is my favourite daughter finding today?” Eli asked as she wrapped an arm around your shoulder before dropping down into a whisper. “Have you got a plan yet?”

Before you could even answer though another voice piped in. “Wow mama you could at least pretend not to have favourites.”

You loved Alba like a sister and you knew she was only joking, further shown as she joined you in a group hug. “Alba is just jealous.”

“No me and Alexia always knew you was the favourite. Alexia sent me to get you by the way, we’re playing games with the children.”

“Tell her I’m helping mama.”

“No you go.” Eli almost pushed you out, giving you her best authoritative look. “You’ve helped me more than enough today.”

“I’ll be back.” You promised.

The living room was far from the quiet serenity of the kitchen, both the sofas were filled with extended family, children were scattered across the carpet playing all sorts of different games and you found your girlfriend on the armchair trying to work out the latest game they wanted to play. You couldn’t help but watch as she tried to answer the questions of her young cousins all whilst looking incredible in the black blazer set she’d settled on, a stark contrast to your red dress. Your thoughts were interrupted though as Alba bumped your shoulder knocking you out of the daydream.

“Having a bit of trouble there.” You teased taking a seat on the arm of the chair. “These are supposed to be for children you know.”

“Shut up.” With one arm still holding onto the instructions the other tugged your waist causing you to slide down the arm of the chair onto her lap. You couldn’t help but press a kiss to the top of her head as she still tried to wrap her mind around the game.

“How about I do the next game?” You announced getting the attention of all the kids. “Count to twenty and I’ll be back.”

Scrambling to go to your backs you left in Alexia’s old room you found the parcel in your overnight bag ready for this exact scenario. Coming empty handed was never an option for you.

“Here it is.” You announced getting everyone’s attention. “Who wants to play pass the parcel?”

Your suggestion was met with a round of cheers as everyone got into a circle to include all the adults on the sofas. Taking a seat on the floor you were ready to start when one of Alexia’s cousins, Ana, sat down on your lap. Your arms instantly wrapped around the young girl as you started the music, each time letting the girl pass the parcel on to Alexia.

“Why did you not sit with me?” Alexia asked Ana dangling her hand over the chair to tickle the girl, pouting to feign her hurt.  

“Want Auntie Y/N.” Even just her calling you Auntie made your heart skip a beat, you couldn’t believe how lucky you were to now call these people your family.

“Yeah Auntie Ale.” You teased sticking your tongue out.

“She’s my favourite too.” Ale admitted to the little girl, faking a whisper. “Don’t tell her than though.”

“Secret.” The little girl whispered, thinking this was a real secret even though you could obviously hear both of them.

“Yeah keep it a secret.”

“What are you two talking about?” You asked gaining the attention of Ana who simply curled back into your lap.

“Nothing.” She answered. “Love you.”

“I love you too.”

Alexia couldn’t help but just look the at the two of you together. Your attention split between a conversation with her uncle and trying to soothe the girl in your lap.

“You’re so whipped.” Alba whispered teasingly into her sister’s ear. “Stop staring.”

“Shut up Alba.”

…..

Your moment didn’t come till after the meal had finished and everyone was still sat around talking. Alexia was curled up on the chair next to you, both of your hands intertwined on your lap as you mixed with everyone. But the box in your bag upstairs could no longer be ignored and now felt like the moment.

“I’m just nipping to the bathroom,” You whispered to Ale before slipping out the room.

Quickly refreshing yourself in the bathroom before retrieving the little box hidden in your overnight bag. You’ve played in front of nearly one hundred thousand people in your career but this is the most nervous you’ve felt before.

You couldn’t stop your hands from shaking as you slowly made your way into the dining room again. Stopping behind Ale’s chair your hands rested on her shoulders as you cleared your throat to gain the attention of the room, all eyes suddenly focused on you.

“Sorry for interrupting all your conversations but I just wanted to say something in front of you all. Firstly I want to thank you for today, you’ve all welcomed me into your family and took me in as one of your own. To Eli, thank you for being an amazing host and for the amazing food.”

“Which you helped with.” She pointed out. “We’ve all loved having you here, plus Ale would have spent the whole day being miserable without you.”

“Whining even more than usual.” Alba teased her sister.

“As you all know I’ve been with Ale for more than four years now and they’ve been the best of my life.” You started, Alexia turning to face you. “We’ve been through more struggles than anyone will know, with injuries and the pressures of being who we are but we’ve always had each other and I know I wouldn’t have come this far without you by my side.”

“What’s all this for?” Alexia asked.

You ignored her question to continue. “You’re my best friend. I love everything about you even when you keep me awake snoring at night or when you burn my toast in the morning. You’re always the first to offer to give me a massage after a match, you always remember my green tea in the morning but more than that you make me feel more loved than I’ve ever felt before.”

The realisation of what was slowly happening was dawning on Alexia as tears streamed down her face.

“I’d love nothing more than to have the rest of my life to continue to show you how much you mean to me and stand by your side to share every moment together.” You said, slowly getting down on one knee, opening the box to reveal the ring you’d chosen. “So Alexia Putellas Segura, will you do me the greatest honour and be my wife?”

“Yes, yes of course I will.” Immediately shooting out of her chair she wasted no time in gathering you in her arms, spinning you around in the air. “I love you so much.” She whispered, planting you back down on the floor to kiss you.

“I love you too. I hope you like the ring.”

“It’s perfect. Everything you choose is perfect.” Taking the simple but elegant diamond ring in your hand you slid it onto her finger like a glove.

It’s only then that you realise you’re not alone in the room, both of your eyes immediately turning to Eli and Alba. Tears uncontrollable streaming down their faces as they gathered you in a group hug.

“I’m so happy for you both.” Eli whispered, kissing both of your heads. “No-one deserves this more than you two.”

“You’re both made for each other.” Alba added, first hugging you as Eli took Alexia in her arms. “That ring as well, wow.”

“You should thank Eli for that as well.” You admitted as you swapped to get your hug from Eli. “I can’t take all the credit for that.”

“You knew?”  Alexia turned to the both of you.

“Y/N came to me a few months ago and asked for my permission which I of course gave her. I didn’t know she as planning on doing it tonight though.”

“It just felt right.” You admitted. “All your family here and we both love Christmas. Of course I’d love to have met your father and ask him but I felt this was only right.”

That again set Alexia off as the tears started again. “I love you.”

“I love you too my fiancée.” Bringing her into your arms the cheers started as you sealed it with another kiss. “Forever.”

“Forever with you.”

[regretisstoredintheme]

Hi! I randomly came across your lovely place and wanted to request a random story that came to mind. Could you do how the rise turtles would react to a yokai bunny reader with sensitive ears and tail. Maybe they accidentally touch the ears or tail. (heck, if you decide to do this you can choose whether its pain sensitive or not.) So yeah. . . . . . . . . . . .I'm bored tbh. I just mainly want fluff and comfort. I have just been having a hard time. So with that for now. . . Arrivederci!

Bumbadebedebedebedum! Ba— OOHHHHHH????

What’s this?? 

*snatches paper*

A Request????

“yourlocalsarcasticsoftshell asked: Hi! I randomly came across your lovely place and wanted to request a random story that came to mind. Could you do how the rise turtles would react to a yokai bunny reader with sensitive ears and tail. Maybe they accidentally touch the ears or tail. (heck, if you decide to do this you can choose whether its pain sensitive or not.) So yeah. . . . . . . . . . .  .I'm bored tbh. I just mainly want fluff and comfort. I have just been having a hard time. So with that for now. . . Arrivederci!”

A/N: this only reminds me of usagi lmao (/j), or is it Yuiichi? Idk his name honestly 😭 either way! I decided to base it more on anxiousness, the same way I don’t like people standing behind me. Like a nono square 😌 I hope you’re having a better time now, hun, and I hope my blog helps in some way :( my DMs are always open and I’ll do what I can.

—Literally Anything Else.— 

Warnings(?): hurt/comfort, (less hurt more comfort) anxiousness, stating boundaries in a panic. 

—

Mikey

Backs off immediately.

You two had been drawing together, leaning into each other’s side as music played.

He was drawing you. 

how could he not? Watching your intent face as you tried to sketch a bird was the most interesting thing he’d ever seen. Your ears flicked slightly when you made a mistake, nose scrunching as you erased the lines. 

His smile was consistent, looking from his sketchbook to your face. He tried not to turn his head so you wouldn’t get suspicious. He wanted to surprise you! 

After he had indulged in drawing your face, he realized he had no idea how to go about your ears. He knew the shape of rabbit ears, he just didn’t know the physics! How would he bring it to life, he wondered.

That was when a curious hand reached out, brushing against the soft surface in an attempt to understand it.

You jumped back, holding the part of your ear protectively as you stated at him with an absolutely incredulous expression. “What in pizza supreme do you think you’re doing!?” You analyzed his face for any form of malice, brows furrowed with anxiety. 

Mikey looked at how nervous you were, and felt Dr. Feelings come through a little as he thought through his next words. “I’m sorry, Y/n.” He spoke gently, a small smile gracing his lips as he gave you space, “I should have asked. I won’t do it again.” 

You were surprised at how calm he was— how quickly he accepted it as fact and just went back to drawing. He wasn’t offended? Even after you were snappy? 

Your nose twitched curiously, looking over at his sketchbook and coming face to face with yourself. 

he was.. drawing you! You!!

There was an excruciating amount of detail, as if he wanted to memorize every crease of your face— every muscle that moved and every mark that he thought was beautiful. 

You all but melted as you realized what he was trying to do, to — understand how you worked, He wanted to know more about you.

You leaned back into his side, sliding in a compliment about his art as he snuggled into your face, avoiding your ears with care. 

Raph 

Apologizes profusely.

You two were laying in what he called his “cuddle pile”, which was basically just all of his teddy bears and pillows in a huge mess of fluff. 

He had an arm lazily wrapped around your torso, head pressed into your shoulder as he churred gently. 

You chuckled as he snuggled in deeper, turning to give him a gentle kiss to whatever part of his face you could reach. You were simply sitting on your phone, scrolling mindlessly and showing him things you thought he would like. 

He was more than entertained with your presence, not to mention his drowsiness. He was at ease, which probably explained why his thoughts curiously wandered to those fluffy ears of yours. 

They just twitched ever so slightly when you laughed, it was adorable, and you had a little freckle on the inner side that he was dying to mention. 

the curiosity was innocent, but oh so tempting, and before he knew it- His finger barely grazed the soft fur. At the simple touch, you were already jumping out of your skin, accidentally kicking him in the process. You held the spot he touched and rubbed it aggressively, trying to get rid of the feeling. You were so overstimulated you couldn’t even say anything, it was such a light touch!! God that was uncomfortable!!!

Raph was completely taken aback, first of all, what happened? and second, you were able to actually kick him away!? He’s big boy!! 

“What’s wrong?” He asked quickly, then looked to where you tended to your droopy ear.

It clicked, and he let you regroup, trying to be as small as possible before he began rambling in apologies. 

“Raph didn’t mean to— he- I- don’t know what I was thinking—“ 

He hops between third and first person when he’s nervous, and he knows hes messed up. He begins explaining in a rush how he never wanted to scare you, and how he would never do it again. 

After wringing your hands out from the excess stimulation, You gently place your hand on his — a reminder that you weren’t made of glass. 

He seemed to pause, searching your eyes for any fear or anger. When he saw none, he let out a breath of relief. He cradled you in his arms, promising he would always listen when you were uncomfortable.

Even though you had no doubts.

Leo

Surprised it bugs you that much. 

On the couch, you both were talking over a movie you had seen a thousand times. 

It wasn’t anything different from your normal routine. He was making you laugh, you were rolling your eyes— he would say a character’s lines in a funny voice and you would respond by finishing the quote.

You two were always a very touchy-feely couple, (it’s a shock he hadn’t figured out about your ears sooner) so it was no surprise when you ended up in his lap, both of you laughing like there was no tomorrow. 

He went to lay his head on your shoulder, and by complete accident, brushed the side of your ear. A light touch, one he didn’t even think about, but you did.

You flinched away, giving an unhappy whine/grumble as you rubbed the feeling out of your fur. 

Leon’s brow bone raised, one of those looks he always does when he’s about to tease you. “You’re not— ticklish, are you?” 

“Please not this time.” You muttered, anxiously fidgeting where your fur and skin met. 

The blue-clad turtle paused, waiting for you to go on. He kept both curiosity and his wits about him, a little worried to be honest.

“You can tease me all you want on anything else—“ you said quickly, squeezing your eyes shut, “this just.. makes me anxious.”

Leo thought for a moment, analyzing your sincere form. He didn’t like when you were upset, it made him upset, the way your face melded into a frown felt so wrong to him. 

Sure, he didn’t understand why you didn’t like your ears being touched, but all that mattered was that you didn’t like it!! And he had to turn this around. 

Out of the darkness, he suddenly got an idea— an idea that would bring your smile back. His eyes lit up for a moment, before returning to their confident gaze. 

“Anything…?” He smirked, pulling you back into his lap— this time facing him. 

You quickly realized your mistake, attempting to protest before being reduced to a fit of flustered giggles as he snuggled into the fur of your neck, attacking you with love despite your cries for mercy.

Donnie

Understands completely.

You two had been dating for approximately one week, (Donnie confirmed) and he knew he’d fallen head over heels. 

Because of this, he had to make sure you were comfortable so there were no surprise arguments between the two of you. Comparatively— even though he states it awkwardly, He’s way better at communicating than most of his brothers (cough Leo and Raph COUGH)

So, when he sits you down in front of him, staring intensely at you with an aura of absolute seriousness— you thought he was mad at you!!! 

“Alright, um—“ he coughed, mentally scolding himself for the unconfident start. 

“You and I— our relationship,” 

he’s stalling

you’re panicking.

“I want to discuss— a means of um— boundaries.” He holds back a sigh of relief at finally getting the words out. You looked so invested In what he was saying that he could swear he was gonna topple over. 

You, however, gladly let go of the breath you were holding. “Oh— thank god..” you smiled, “I thought you were breaking up with me.” 

“What??” He gives an incredulous look, “Why ever would I do that!?” He’s acting level headed, but inside he’s screaming. 

In any case.

You shyly described that the only thing you could think of off the top of your head was how sensitive your ears and tail were. “It makes me anxious when people touch them.” You muttered, fiddling with the ends of said ears. 

Donnie simply nodded, “it’s the same with me and my shell.” He states, gesturing to the technology usually on his back 24/7. He didn’t make a big deal of it, simply wrote “no touchie ears/tail” up on the whiteboard under “concrete boundaries” 

He paused, stepping back for a moment, “Wait— sorry, did you want me to ask or just not touch them at all?” He quirked a brow, and you shook your head, feeling a lot more confident in stating your feelings. 

You had hardly ever felt more validated. 

—

A/N: I FEEL BAD ITS SO SIMPLE SHDBJSHDJDHD but alas!! It was fun to write, and part of me is hoping that’s all that matters ^v^ in any case, Arrivederci!! I hope to see you again, Sarcas!! (Can I nickname you that is that okay—) 

__ 

[undiscovered-horizon]

Bestie- u didn’t just deliver u served and I’m the greedy gremlin who’s eating this up, that was amazing, he’s so skrunkly I love him 😔Ur gonna kill me here but bestie I need them to meet I can’t 😩

This is the effect of me doing sudokus and crosswords in the ethics lecture... Was listening to Jasmine Thompson's cover of 'Rather Be' while writing this and honestly?? A whole mood

Imagine the Riddler being your secret admirer. - Part 3

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 4] [Part 5]

That day felt weirdly long as if hours were stretching out as much as the universe would allow them to. You haven't felt that tired and fed up in quite a while, dreaming about the soft comfort of your own bed during your commute back home.

Home, however, had another surprise in store for you:

"Perfect timing, Eddie," you said to yourself as you tore the envelope off your front door. "Could use a little pick-me-up."

You opened the letter and couldn't help the surprise at the front of the card you were given. For some reason, it said "Invitation" in fancy, glittery writing. Inside, on the left side was another torn-out page from a poetry collection.

Underneath an apple-tree Sat a maiden and her lover; And the thoughts within her he Yearned, in silence, to discover.

Under the piece of a poem were written only two words: "Meet me". Your gaze followed the vague message to the right side of the card where a small map was drawn. It looked like a bird's view of a restaurant or a bar with a question mark drawn over one of the, as you had assumed, tables like the little map was the continuation of the unfinished sentence. On top of the drawing was scribbled an address, a date and an hour. You were supposed to meet him in a week's time.

From that moment on, you could hardly think about anything else and, little did you know, so did he. It was going to be a fateful Wednesday evening.

"That's the place," you whispered to yourself as you checked the GPS on your phone again.

You found yourself standing before a desolate diner that looked like it was taken straight out of Quentin Tarantino's movie. But you had to admit that the Pulp Fiction feel to the locale was charming in some way as if gracefully continuing your dilemma whether you were now the main character of a rom-com or a slash horror film.

"Here goes nothing," you said with a sigh. With each step towards the front door of the diner, your restlessness was only increasing.

The bell near the door chimed cheerfully as you hesitantly entered the building. At first, you couldn't see a soul inside - even the waitress was more of a cryptid as you could only hear her quiet chatter with the cooks coming from the kitchen. They left the door slightly ajar. According to the drawing, the marked table should be the one under the vintage-style graffiti with a pin-up girl holding a tray of apple pie. Your heart stopped for a moment, seeing that the booth was occupied.

Ever since he sat down in that booth, he'd been eyeing the door, waiting for the fateful moment you enter. The muffled laughter of the waitress rung in his ears and Eddie was half-convinced that she was laughing at him. After all, who was he to ever believe that you were actually going to show up? That you would be anything but disgusted with him?

He watched as you checked his little drawing once more. You turned your head towards him and Ed could swear the time actually slowed down if not entirely stopped when your gaze met his. The moment you realized that it was him, a bright smile appeared on your face, making Eddie's palms even sweatier than they already were. He just knew he was going to mess things up - there was no way in Hell that he could impress you. That much was obvious to Eddie.

You were just so... unreal to him. There he was: the loser, the loner, the butt of the joke and there were you, the epitome of grace approaching the table he was sitting at. He couldn't believe his own senses, some anxious beast still gnawing at his thoughts, that you didn't immediately turn around and left once you saw him.

"Hey," you said softly as you sat down across from him.

"H-hi," he nervously stuttered out.

Eddie looked more or less as you expected him to: a quiet, kind of awkward and easy-to-overlook guy who had no idea what he had gotten himself into. Your friends always found it very amusing that you had a thing for underdogs. No matter how strange it might sound to anyone else, you thought there was a certain charm to his awkwardness like an adorable deer caught in headlights.

"You have great taste." You waved the "invitation" card before putting it back into your purse.

"In what?" Eddie asked sheepishly. His mind was fluctuating between blankness and intrusive thoughts, so coherence and reason weren't something he could count on at the moment.

You shrugged. That bright, showstopping smile was still on your face and Eddie felt he wouldn't be able to look away from you even if he wanted to. "Poetry. Flowers," you counted. "Girls."

His chubby cheeks turned crimson red at your words. Your confidence made him even more aware of his incapacitating insecurity. Eddie believed his intrusive thoughts: there was nothing he could delight you with.

"I loved your riddles," you confessed. "You're really good at it."

A flutter of his heart and a ray of lovesick hope.

[thewallsaretalking-again]

‼️ Energon / Blood warning ‼️

Look, I know I almost never do this journaling stuff, but lately things have just gone off the rails. I could talk all day and Emma would just think I’m crazy- but this time, I wouldn’t blame her.

It was a tough day at work ( the birds thought It’d be funny to try and peck my eyes out apparently, and the patrons had just been rude all day) so I decided to take a walk by the docks before I went home. It was late, obviously, the sun was setting, all that jazz; but honestly, none of that matters. It was when I got to the dock that afternoon that things really went off the rails; one of the fishing boats either forgot to pull up its net or completely malfunctioned and dropped it back into the water. That’s would’ve been fine and all; if it wasn’t for the fact that the DAMN THING WAS THRASHING AROUND. So I naturally stick my head under the water to see what is going on; and I see the biggest creature that I’ve ever seen in real life. I couldn’t make out what exactly it was at the time, but it was covered in bright reds and blues and was clearly stuck in the net.

So, in possibly the stupidest move since napoleons invasion of Russia, I take off my shoes, grab my work knife, and dive under. I could hear the noises it was making; they were high pitched wines and clicks, making it very clear that it was in distress. Once I got closer I realized that, whatever it was, it wasn’t a normal animal; it had hands and a head like a human, but the tail and wings of a manta ray (I didn’t stop and consider any of this at the time; only after I got out of the water did I realize what exactly I had been looking at). It was twisted in the net and its wings were being constricted by the thin wire. I could see it was crying and that its eyes were bright red. I ended up cutting the net off of it and it rushed past me so fast I nearly forgot which way was up. Then I got out of the water. As you do, I suppose.

I have absolutely no idea why I did any of this if I’m being honest; the entire thing felt like some sort of fever dream or trance, like I had no control over my own body. Maybe it was some sort of human instinct, maybe it was some sort of magic, or maybe it wasn’t either and I’m just an idiot. Either way, I ran into some sort of mermaid today and I feel higher than a kite. No one would ever believe me, and honestly? I don’t believe myself either.

I’m tired, this entire entry was rushed, and I need to go lay down and think on this; I hope the little guy is alright though, he seemed really stressed out…

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Sorry this is so bad guys 😞 I’m having a sort of writers block right now, so I might rewrite this later, but I do quite like the drawing!

As you can tell, little Orion has gotten a oceanic makeover! I think he’s adorable, to be honest. You’ll be seeing more of him this month, as well as more of his little human friend- I hope you’re all having a good mermay!! See you soon!

[zorosleftshoe]

Hi, can you do one where the reader gets a tattoo and is a little, and Colby is by her side?

I think this is what you meant…if not, I can totally rewrite it!

Pairing: Colby Brock x fem!reader

Warnings: none

Colby’s lips twitched upwards in an all knowing smirk when he noticed my eyes glossing over his numerous tattoos. It was no secret that the ink stained skin had been one of the many things that drew me to him in the first place.

There were many nights as we would lie there awake I would trail my fingers up the curves of designs that littered his skin and he would shiver under the light touches. He was hooked.

One night, as I traced the bird that sat perched between his thumb and his pointer finger he nudged the top of my head with his nose. I looked up at him through thick eyelashes and it’s almost as if I could see his breath falter for the fraction of a second. He sat there looking at me for a few moments until it dawned on him he had wanted my attention for a reason.

“Why don’t you get a tattoo?” His question was innocent. It was a simple suggestion. His way of saying ‘you like the way these look on my skin so why not put one on yours’? I shook my head at the idea and turned my attention back to the bird. “Are you scared?” When I didn’t look up at him, he decided to draw his own conclusions. “We could get matching tattoos.” This drew my attention away from the bird and back to his gorgeous baby blues.

“You would get a tattoo with me?” He shrugged underneath me.

“I think we’re at that stage in our relationship. I don’t plan on going anywhere and I hope you don’t either.” He thought for a moment. “As long as it’s within reason, I don’t see why not.” Colby was always so steady handed about things. He always had everything perfectly planned out. From the outside looking in, you’d never be able to tell but once you were close enough to be welcomed in with open arms, you found out who he really was.

“So no cute little flowers or fairies?” His eyes met mine again and his face softened. His hard features relaxing under the tough day he had had.

“Honestly? If you asked,” he paused smoothing our hands together and watching our fingers tangle together. “I’d probably be into it.” I giggle at his comment but can’t help the butterflies that erupt at the thought of Colby being willing to put something so silly on his body for me. “I think I’d do anything you asked me to.” His free hand found where my jaw and my neck meet and rested against it, pulling me roughly against him. Our lips colliding in a heated kiss. If it came to it, I think I’d do anything Colby asked too.

So when I find myself standing in front of Colby’s favorite tattoo parlor with him by my side I’m not sure what I feel more of; shame or nervousness. He holds his hand out for and I reluctantly take hold of it before he pulls me into the building. The first thing I notice when we step through the door is the overwhelming smell of sanitizer. The place is fairly empty for it being a Saturday but from the art that covers the walls I know it’s not from quality.

“Colby!” A bearded man steps out through a curtain of beads and makes his way to Colby before pulling him into a bone crushing hug. “And you must be the girlfriend I keep hearing him rave about.”

“Guilty.” My voice is small compared to his and I’m afraid that if I don’t speak louder his might drown mine out.

“What can I do for you guys today?” He asks as he leans back on the counter and crosses his arms over his chest.

“We wanna do matching tattoos.” Colby says before I can answer. The man nods and glances between the two of us.

“Any idea what you want?” Colby blushes and pulls the folded piece of paper from his back pocket. He hands it to the man across from us and I see the hint of a smile cross his face. “Okay.”

The chair is sat upright when I sit down. My leg won’t stop shaking and I can feel Colby eyeing me from the other side of the parlor where the other tattoo artist is currently working on his half of our tattoo. The bearded man, who I’ve come to know as Ray, sits down next to me and starts to get his station set up.

“You ever had a tattoo done before?” I shake my head unsure that my voice would be able to even make out the words I want to say. “I’m not gonna say it won’t hurt because everyone is different but if you need to stop, we can. You just give me the word.” Ray wipes down my right wrist and I hear the tattoo gun spur to life. My heart sounds like a jackhammer and I question if Ray can hear it too. Before I can think too hard I feel the needles enter my skin and I inhale deeply. “Doing okay?” I nod. It’s not an unbearable pain but I can feel my left hand clutching the chair.

My eyes are closed tight when I feel a warm hand grip onto mine and intwine our fingers. I know it’s Colby immediately by the way he traces the scar that sits atop my knuckle and I relax.

“You’re okay, sweetheart. It looks great.” When I open my eyes I’m met with his and he’s looking at me as if he’s seeing me for the first time. He leans down before nudging his nose against my shoulder and looking passed me at my arm.

“You’re done. Wanna go take a look?” Ray wipes off the extra ink and I hop up from the chair to walk over to the full body mirror they have set up. Once there I admire the fresh writing that is now a part of me. In three simple words, Colby’s writing can be seen and the words ‘I love you’ are written across my wrist.

Next to me, Colby stands with his tattoo on his left. The three words in my cursive handwriting. A promise I made to him now that will last forever.