#honestly ​if i didnt just see him as just my swedish little brother… i think id be a liiittle attracted to him by now

[httpiastri]

bailando, bailando 💃💃

[welcome-to-sanjis-shitty-kitchen]

Man i'm so fucking angry?

My sister came into my room just to start arguments with me on what i think about the pewdiepie situation. And first shit i told her was "no comment" and you think a reasonable person would accept that i didn't want to talk about it. 'Cause i've had enough of this fucking drama. But no, my sister is a spawn of hell, no, hell spawns would probably be a lot nicer tbh. I despise her with my entire heart and soul and i want to kill her tbh, either way she didn't accept a no and started yelling and discussing shit and how Jack was a dirty backstabber, she came and told me this shit and while i agreed Jack was a little harsh i know he meant well because he was trying to explain what everyone has been yelling at him. And then my sister has the nerve to tell me Jack is just a fake persona that i have no idea what his actually like. And honestly i can't! But I think i have a pretty fucking good idea when i have been watching that same person for years. Jack is probably one of the most happiest positive influences in my life and genuinely a good person who tries his fucking best. I would say im a pretty good judge of character and i have an easy time reading facial expressions and tones, even when people text judging on how they write depending on situation. I don't always act on that because i think of consequences foremost. But this bitch, comming into my godamn room, my godamn sanctuary and telling me Jack is a fake piece of shit. Is she that little invested in people that she cant see whats real or not? It was like the time i had a boyfriend for like over a year and she refused to believe in it and that i was getting tricked and it could never be real because he was in another country. My family ruined that relationship for me cause i was too scared to do anything. And i regret it because i loved him very much, still do, and we agreed to stay friends but i felt like a burden, just everytime we talked made me feel so much worse and so we eventually stopped talking. Or more like he didn't really reply to me that much and when he did i always got the feeling i should never have opened my godamn mouth. Always got the feel i was just annoying as fuck and someone that nobody wanted to talk too. Wtf is even my life anymore, i finished school but now what? I find a job, make minimum wage the rest of my life in a shitty apartment because the goal life is to get money for said shitty apartment so i continue living. ...yay...lifes so fucking empty when you have nothing in life thay makes you want to continue living. I mean i always will i think because i have friends who love me and thats good enough for me. I'm really contradicting myself aren't i? Thats why depression is a thing, still here but idk what for. Ever heard that speech that your so fucking lost and your never gonna be a morning person because you dont know what ur getting up for. That pretty much me. I wish i could live in my room for the rest of my life, never needing to eat or anything. Just stay here. When the door is shut, thats when i feel the safest. Away from these abusive bitches that is my parents and siblings. Funny story i used to hate my brother the most because he didn't deem me important enough to invite to his wedding. But now his like my fav person. My mom fucking hates his wife, and i really dont blame her for not wanting to hang out with my mom. My family is fucking biggots, racist ass fuckers and so full on hate that isnt pure swedish blood and traditions. And me an open minded person, fully pansexuall do not fit in here. I used to believe my shitlord of a sister was with me since shes just like 1 year older then me and we should have more of the same thoughts and ideals but she has proved to not be. Just having to deal with racist as bullshit and how i should be a swede is litterly what ms destroying my life. My glad this family is breaking apart with my distant dad, my psychotic cleptomaniac mom, my shirtlord of a selfish piece of shit sister, my other biggoted sister but is actually a very nice but not in public, my yet another super ass racist sister who i would legit punch in the face every time i saw here if i didnt sympatize with her crohns desease. With underage pregnant nieces here and there. People talking shit left and right, people dying. The family is more broken then ever and all i have is a smile on my face because i want to see it burn. Not to brag but i dont think ive ever met someone who hates their own family ass much as i do. Blood doesn't mean shit too me, if blood is what makes you family count me the fuck out. I don't want a single godamn part of it.