#home debts feel
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i didnt read the last chapters since i discovered it was the end (but i was spoiled by tumblr lol)... i didnt want to believe it... i want to still look forward to new chapters of No Home :(
For the last few years eunyung and haejoon have been my companions. I healed a little while following the story of eunyung, feeling like its ok to be angry and wanting revenge on your family and the society that continues to want to keep you in a "house" where you are mistreated. How the world isnt made for children at all, the absolute unfairness of it all. That you can choose to keep going, and if you do so its ok to keep your distance with what hurts you.
I healed too with haejoon, who came to terms with the fact that he will always be overcome with sadness and grief from time to time, and when that happens he can only let himself feel and wait for it to pass, and try to look forward to the next day.
Honestly this manwha was the best ever. I couldnt read this manhwa as a form of escapism because it was too real. It pulled strings in my heart i didnt know i had, made me question a lot of things about myself, about others, about my relationship with others. It made me have painful discussion with a few people. Following this manhwa, most of the time, was really unpleasant lol. I hated then loved eunyoung, I liked and then disliked haejoon (yeah sorry haejoon, i think you can be really cruel and stupid and i wanted to strangle you a few times in the last arcs (i would NOT be friend with that guy lol) -thats why this character is so amazing). But i felt so much while reading it i wouldnt trade it for anything. It was funny, it was dumb, it was deep, it was enraging and healing, but most of all it was sincere. The most sincere depiction of what being a person in a deeply flawed society is, and how there's happiness even while surviving.
It was so frustrating to see the manhwa go in a direction i didnt want it to go ! I wanted it to become my cozy refuge, where every problems are magically solved, where haejoon and eunyung ends up understanding and loving each other in a cliché way, where theres a new home with my *fave charas* and its a series of feel-good interactions. Instead the problems kept pilling up, most of them didnt have a satisfactory conclusion, eunyung and haejoon kept hurting each other and distancing themselves. Haejoon just cut contact with his father without knowing what were his nefarious motives or without this guy facing any consequences, we dont know if eunyung's parents will keep bothering eunyung unchecked, we dont know if they're going to be happy and rich, or if, realistically, as orphans without generational wealth and deep traumas, they're going to end up in a shitty life situation.
And i couldnt thank wanan enough for this. They didnt take the easy way, the feel-good way, the way that would have given them a probably bigger fandom so a bigger source of money. I'm amazed by how they managed to hold this whole story so perfectly. Not a single misstep. Everything they draw was where it should have been, every action from the characters were understandable (and frustrating lol), the fucking subtlety of the developing relationships, no deus ex machina and no miserabilism. I didnt always agree with wanan's ethic or what i perceived of it (i think stealing or being violent is ok depending on the context, i dont think working hard to earn money is a virtue) but i respect how they choose to present it. I didnt talk about the other characters because honestly they didnt move me as much (except marie), but i love them so much too. I felt sad that eunyung and haejoon didnt become best friend 5ever (or even lovers hehe) but honestly, understandable lol. If i was one of them i WOULDNT become close with the other at all, so its kinda amazing they could still find this level of mutual understanding.
In short, wanan is an amazing story teller.
And an amazing image-composist (have no idea how to say this in english). The artstyle doesnt look like much, but this gave wanan a wide graphic range to convey emotions that wouldnt have been possible with a more sophisticated style i think -how will i forget the red swirlings mixing with eunyung skin ? The expressions, the choice of colors, the choice in showing something in particular without giving a clear explanation on why (often haejoon's surprised or contemplative face, which made me re-read chapters a few times to try to understand what was happening in his big head). It didnt feel like wanan thought their readers were stupid, nor did they play the fake-deep style. It was perfectly balanced.
And so even if i didnt read it, i have no doubt the end will be the same. Im so sad they decided to end this manhwa, but i know prolonging it would have been greedy and that ultimately, the manhwa would have suffer for it. Some authors do that : they have a popular series going on, and for whatever reason they keep writing new chapters without a clear goal and so the story becomes diluted, messy, useless. I love when they do this, because i can say goodbye to a story progressively as my interest in it wans, without feeling sadness or loss. But it makes me not think of the story at all in the future, since everything that was good about it became buried in new shitty chapters. Because wanan didnt do that, i know that i would think of no home for a long while, maybe forever,
,like i really lost companions when no home ended actually. Because it really, really hurts, knowing i wont be seeing new faces of the no home characters anymore. I know it sounds probably stupid ; i feel genuine grief here lol. I want to know what will happen to them, if they are alright, if they found a place in the world... if there is something to look forward after all, and i really dread not having answers every monday anymore. and the fandom is so small i cant comfort myself by re-entering the no home world every week or whatever... does anyone else feel this way ToT ? maybe i should participate myself but well,, i wouldnt know where to begin...
And saying that ! I'm almost never on this blog, i dont really have socmed accounts, i dont participate in fandoms at all. But I spent a looot of time reading and watching people who does -without being connected or interacting with posts or fanfics at all. AND i really want to thank you all for giving me so much material to chew, posts that made me think, fics that made me smile, drawings that inspired me, witnessing interactions that made me laugh. I was and i probably will continue to be a ghost on socmed, but i really want you to know that you had an impact on me and i was looking forward to your new posts (and will continue to!).
the "every no home chapter is a test of my willingness to Not blow my own brains out" and explosion eunhae monday of @skiptoyuri
the regular nohome posters which makes me happy to check tumblr regularly @shimamitsulover @lesbianpegbar @luckyswamps @tomoyoo @cloudbends @t0a2ter @solcarow @dragon-of-timeless-blue
the awesome artists who keep producing bangers nohome art @gohaejoon @maxsolosur @jjd5426 @bnnuycafe @ct-bunny @lentl-soup @fartaycat @jjd5426 @prokkoli @moxymaxing @ginangtan
the nohome posters that i enjoyed running into @pleuvoire @homolobotomized @podoro-vines @fmet @welpuu @revertrate @obstinaterixatrix @kulluto
the artists that made me interested in checking no home @cienfll @craysmo @ant-eaters @idledee @fruiitlins @froqpi-art @201918b @tinfishmeal @ohrsoh @30mingirlfriend
thanks @ditherslam for the awesome fanfics, obviously i read them all and they're some of my favourites. youre an amazing writer and i cant wait for the next chap of "your atoms"!!
thanks @homeless202 for being an insatiable nohome poster for a while (and @grannykombucha !)
im forgetting a lot of others but i really wanted to thank you all for your time, energy, work. i never interacted with your posts or with you but i really want to convey how cool it is that you all contribute to make no home a more well-known manhwa and the fandom alive
thank youuuu (hope the @ are ok tell me if its bothersome ill delete it)
and really, really, thank you wanan ! waaaa i want to cry
#no home wanan#no home#no home manhwa#kind of strange wanan wil never know how muvh their story mean to me and probably lot of others they'll never meet#im really rambling but it felt strange to not post anything while ive been luring in this fandom for so many years#and thought about no home a few hours every day at least#it feels like a goodbye letter but i really know ill still think about no home for years to come lol#i kinda want wanan to make omake with the chara being silly and happy...#i want to know if eunyung and haejoon stay close T.T#please dont let time and distance make you apathetic#will eunyung inherit his father debts??#i have no idea how it works in south korea#i hope he finds a way to really have no ties with bis family anymore#and so nothing will come bite him in the ass in the future#haejoon being a model student and what is expected of society and having his uncle i guess hes one step ahead#well#except the mental illnesses#but eunyung i worry so much about him#please be happy in the future T.T#ah i should made another post its too much tags
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Baldurs gate 3 spoilers about gale (and rolan kinda) under the cut
If you take gale and karlach with you to the counting house in the lower city, they have a conversation about how neither of them have ever had much money and I find that for gale, that provides some fascinating context for his life.
How much did his mother sacrifice to send him to university? Of course hes a mama's boy, getting him into magic college was probably her main priority for most of his childhood. How difficult was it for him to get learning materials? Gale loves libraries, which is a standard nerdy thing but as a kid whose family might not have been able to afford the books he needed to learn about magic? Libraries would have been his one connection to the world of magic. Every scrap of magical material would have been precious and hard won.
Mystras attention would probably have been absolutely life changing for him. If he doesn't have a fortune to fall back on, like lorroakan, having the attention of the literal embodiment of the weave is probably the only way he was ever going to get anywhere in his field. Speaking as someone who works in academia, it doesn't matter how smart you are if you can't get funding. Their relationship is already deeply one sided, but man if gale feels like his opportunities for success are because of her? Fuck.
We see a sort of similar (please for the love of God bear with me) situation with lorroakan and rolan. Rolans poor, reasonably talented, and loves magic more than almost anything besides his family. He was, up until the enslaving dame Aylin plan, willing to put up with lorroakans abuse and whims because he wanted to be a wizard so bad. Now gale has several in universe advantages compared with rolans situation, but it's clear that the Wizarding profession is not a profession you can easily get into if you don't have funds or a very rich patron.
Not really sure where I'm going with this. I saw a post about gale joking about how his tower was never cleaner than after he lost the orb and I just. For a kid who grew up in a low income situation, his tower is 100% a point of pride and something he identifies with very strongly. To have had to literally devour his tower to stay alive, to have had to literally destroy everything in the life he built for himself as a result of the orb. That must have been horrifying for him.
#i have a lot of feelings about gale#as someone who just finished their graduate degree#and has filled their home with trinkets and objects that pertain to my field#the thought of losing it because of my own mistakes#damn#gale#gale dekarios#gale of waterdeep#mystra is like a famous and self absorbed graduate advisor#shes got tenure and she doesnt care if her students complete their degrees#bg3#baldurs gate 3 spoilers#baldurs gate 3#gale worked hard to get his degree#maybe his family went into debt for it#gale getting his tower was probably like a huge cause for celebration in his family
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If Ulysses has a million haters, then I'm one of them. If Ulysses has one hater, then I'm THAT ONE. If Ulysses has no haters, that means I'm dead. If the world is with Ulysses than I’m against the world.
#this is slightly joking but like also not but also like am mixed on Ulysses on many factors#infuriating because i sympathize with his pain but it’s like#he is a well written and fundamentally flawed character whose hypocrisy I found doubly in#black characters I can tell were designed by white people with a semblance of an understanding of activism and bipoc oppression#but not enough for the character to not feel like hand holding for the majority white audience#plus personal grips with the whole twisted hairs thing and reference to slave braiding patterns#Ulysses irks me as a black person on a weird personal level and I can go into debt on why him being black is a big detractor for him to me#like he continues this cycle of distancing himself from his roots before remembering over and over again through his actions#he leave so much in his wake that the courier ends up correcting or helping like in honest hearts and old world blues because he’s self#righteous in a subtle way even to himself that he believes he stand out of his one man rule when he does not play an active hand#saw a post talk about how you choose to continue moving through his story and can leave at any moment and this it is partially your fault#but what of the oath that is set before you and is forced to take that he set up#I do not have to walk it but when I do the steps are not my own but those taken for me#you have to go out of your way to change it which is not something he expects because he’s playing by a story he’s been perpetuating in his#head about you two and the effect one man has when he’s continually been that one man more so than you as many of his actions directly lead#to the one you go through also the irony in the flag he continues to bear being the real reason he has no home#like he reps it when the package is likely enclave and thus use the same symbol#also still can’t get over how anyone could have delivered the package and he tries so hard to act like it was the couriers destiny or fate#when this was the one case of chance and that once man was likely a enclave engineer and how it’s really is never one man#it the process and he’s so annoying about it like he’s a cool character but if you don’t believe in his philosophy or already went through#these ideas cause they are very common talking points in poc especially BIPOC spaces he’s just old hashings and stunted#fallout#fallout new vegas#Ulysses you upset me but I’m like I feel you could be better if you weren’t so incessant#I don’t think I ever want to make a serious post stating this about him just because I’d start yapping and it’d never get finished#ulysses fnv#fnv ulysses#lonesome road
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so…somehow topaz is not only managing to embody “rampant capitalist” but also “insidious colonizer”???
like babe maybe try not launching an armed alien invasion of their home threatening to extract every single resource of potential value. or like. dumping a 700yr old debt on a planet that has been entirely isolated for most of that.
hey speaking of how it’s been 700 years since this supposed loan was made—why are you sweeping in to demand hundreds of years of interest on a loan you didn’t care enough to collect more than 400 years ago…conveniently AFTER you decided that maybe there was something to exploit here after all?
like goddamn when they announced “topaz and numby” i thought the pig was supposed to be NUMBY and yet Here We Are
#moi#hsr#honkai star rail#hsr topaz#topaz & numby#capitalism is capitalism i guess#the worst part is i can’t even tell if they meant for her to come off like such a straight up cunt?#like it feels like they’re trying to spin it like ‘oh well she’s just doing her job and trying to help—‘ uhh no#one does not waltz in after not lifting a finger to help just to extract what little wealth this planet has#‘the IPC may seem heartless and cruel’ YEAH BECAUSE IT IS. ITS LITERALLY A HEARTLESS CORPORATION#THAT HAS CANONICALLY ENGAGED IN UNETHICAL BUSINESS PRACTICES#‘oh well oh my home planet outside corporations fucked up the environment massively and people were suffering—#BUT THEN THE IPC SAVED THE DAY! and all it cost was signing your life over to a faceless corporation that doesn’t give a shit about you :)’#WHO DO YOU THINK FUCKED UP THE ENVIRONMENT TO BEGIN WITH?????#‘so i’ve decided to be gracious and kind and FORGIVE your planets (cough supposed) debts…#…provided you sign your entire planet’s population to my glorious corporation.’#‘(and if you don’t agree to these terms then we will take your planet by force and extract every ounce of wealth)’#like HELLO???????#this whole situation is manipulative as hell
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16. friendship for Au Ra April and 16. defend for Vierapril
Heavensward spoilers ahead, sorry!
#AuRaApril2024#Vierapril2024#AuRaApril#Vierapril#Styrn's feelings about Haurchefant are so complicated... he was a very loyal friend but they had their differences#i don't think they were ever close enough for her to feel comfortable enough to debate him on the subjects they wouldn't have agreed on#she instead felt a great debt to him ... and that continued on due to his sacrifice#despite their different views i think their relationship was one of the most important ones Styrn experiences#And I think losing him had a major emotional toll on her... she was so angry and let herself feel it#she remains close with the Foretemps and they are in many ways close like family#but at times being in Ishgard still feels suffocating as much as it feels welcoming now - it was an almost-home but not quite#and now with all her memories of people like Haurchefant and Ysayle the city feels more like a mausoleum#Heavensward spoilers#ffxiv hw spoilers#meguart#haurchefant greystone#styrnrael tag#ffxiv#haurchefaunt
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guys i have no idea when this happened but i have like, multiple new genshin ocs bouncing around in my head
#✧— aphe's musings.#hestia is the name i've chosen for one!#she was la signora's personal assistant before she died and has since deserted the fatui. idk if i talked about her yet or not#the others are unnamed#i've got an expelled vahumana scholar. truth is they are just a silly little guy (gender neutral) who cannot be constrained +#+ they were never going to hurt anyone!!!! they just got a little carried away bro they SWEAR on it!!!!! it was an accident they +#+ really didn't mean to commit like. all of the sins :( they didn't mean it :( (they did mean it. btw. yeah)#(^ they *genuinely* are just a little silly and they happen to have a very strong moral compass. they were *never* going to hurt anyone.)#i have like 5 million fatui ocs HAHA#anyways :) another fatui oc upon ye:#alongside the one who got their limbs torn off and then replaced by dottore there's another fatui agent oc +#+ who joined the fatui following an altercation between pantalone and their former rich guy boss who was in +#+ massive debt that he had not repaid. and they did not know anything about it? and they were basically like +#+ “get fucked loser” they did NOT like him. uhh something something that one quote from yelan's story quest +#+ “give a dog a bone and it will guard your home for the rest of its life” pantalone & oc-core#you guys can pronoun assign all these ocs (except hestia) because idk what pronouns to give them LMFAO#anyways how do you guys make those cute genshin oc posts that make it feel like a canon +#+ character profile..... please teach me 😔#also expelled akademiya student ended up falling into the abyss prior to their expulsion; it was learning of the sins the gods committed +#+ that made them intentionally do things that the akademiya forbode. they and hestia are friends also btw!#they both are working towards the same goal so they help one another out sometimes#they probably kiss idk. maybe queerplatonically i think.
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shakes you. do you think when loulu parted, lucy, the romantic and heartbroken, tried to tell herself to think logically?
it was for the best and she knew it. the guild is the past, louisa is win the guild, therefore she is the past too. but that kind of logical thinking was what louisa would’ve done and maybe she rubbed off more on lucy more than lucy had thought.
to rub salt in the wound, that mindset actually helped. it also showed that louisa (and her thinking) is good for lucy. even when she’s gone
(does this make sense? i’m not sure)
(being shaken) Urgghhhhh it hurts to think that in order for Lucy to move on from Louisa she had to be like her and think like her. Had to absorb parts of Louisa into herself to forget her. And she continues to carry Louisa's influence with her as she leaves her behind.
Maybe she was thinking like a romantic at first — that maybe she and Louisa would cross paths again on some fateful day, maybe Lucy could "show her the light" and bring Louisa over to her side. Because, surely, they're going to see each other again, right? Louisa was her first friend, fate wouldn't be so cruel as to split them up forever, right...?
Until she realized that of course Louisa would choose the Guild. The logical girl with hundreds of plans in her head, the strategist who prioritized the Guild's survival over anything else, she would be able to leave Lucy in the past. She would be thinking toward the future; she would be able to accept that they weren't meant to be (even if it hurt Louisa to put their history aside, even if she was so much lonelier now than she thought she could be).
So Lucy would have to do that too. But there are other traits of Louisa that Lucy may pick up over time. Maybe she'd be more open with things and people that she loved. She'd grow to care in a more gentle way (well, sometimes). She'd find a home and a pursuit that she could cling to with such resolve and devotion.
And maybe while she sacrifices nearly everything to protect her home, she'd have a fleeting thought that it's something Louisa would've done.
#montcott#louisa may alcott#lucy maud montgomery#loulu#bungou stray dogs#bsd#I'm not very smart so Idk if this is coherent /hj#to be loved is to be changed smth smth ig#also sorry for how long I took to reply I forgot to check tumblr and I have a headache hrrnnggnngh#the guild has so much untapped potential for absolutely devastating relationships#but also some aesthetically unpleasing ship names /lh#zero brain activity only loulu being foils and each other's first real friend and part of the few who can rlly understand each other#scattered thoughts abt loulu:#they have different strengths like#lucy gets through a lot of situations through brute force while louisa has “contingency plans for her contingency plans”#thinking with your heart vs thinking with your mind#but they're similar too#they like having their own space but care a lot about the ppl around them#they worry about being useful to ppl they feel like they have a debt to (lou's a workaholic lucy likes to be included)#also they're both determined and passionate in their own way#they'd both do anything to protect their home once they've found it#hey doesn't that sound like another character in bsd...#SORRY IF I TOTALLY MISSED THE POINT I am barely lucid /jjj#chriterary classics#not. not really tho.
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i seriously need to get a new job and start making money again asap bc i cannot keep living at home much longer it’s driving me insane
(wrote an entire essay in the tags without meaning to oops)
#i feel so isolated from everything bc i’m not in school rn but all my friends are and 90% of the ones who are in state go to the same school#so they’re all in the same town and here i am 45 minutes away#i never get invited to anything bc 1) my friends all tend to make plans really last minute#and 2) if we want to go out and drink - which we usually do bc that’s the stage of life we’re in rn - i’d have to stay the night with#someone bc i absolutely cannot afford a 45 minute uber home and most of my friends don’t like staying over / having people stay over#so i have basically no social life and it’s only gotten worse in the past couple months since i got laid off from my main job#not only did i love that job but i loved my coworkers and work was pretty much the only time i left the house and interacted with people#and without that job i can’t even do the little solo things i used to do to cheer myself up like go see a movie#or even just go for a long drive bc i’m broke (as in i have $17 in cash to my name and am like $1000 in debt rn)#so all i do is rot in bed all day and apply for jobs that i’m overqualified for yet still don’t get hired#i barely even leave my room bc i avoid my family which just makes me feel guilty bc i love my family#but they get on my nerves so easily and most of the conversations i have with my mom end in her lecturing me about something and me crying#and on top of everything it’s just straight up embarrassing to be unemployed and completely directionless about college and living at home#logically i know i’m still very young and it’s common to live at home when you’re 20 but literally none of my friends do#i had a couple friends who lived at home for the first 2 years after high school and went to community college but by now they’ve moved out#and they’re all at universities and either graduating this year or next year meanwhile the earliest i could possibly graduate is in 2 years#i should be finishing my junior year rn but i’ve only completed my freshman year#i hated the school i was at and planned on transferring sophomore year but long story short that didn’t work out#even longer story short i ended up doing a semester each at 2 different community colleges and failed all my classes both times#and took 2 semesters off so now i’m a full 2 years behind and even though my freshman year was miserable#i’m starting to wish i stayed at that school anyway bc at least i would be at a university and accomplishing something#plus theres a huge difference between staying at home for a couple years after high school then moving out later#vs living on your own right away then having to move back home after you’ve already experienced having your own space#and on top of everything i have an older sister who’s a literal genius and graduated last year#and a younger sister who just finished her freshman year at the school i hated but she loves it and got perfect grades and made friends#so they’re both thriving and here i am living with my mom and my 13 year old brother and just completely failing at everything#i’m just so miserable and obviously moving out again and going back to school wouldn’t magically fix everything#but at least i would feel like my life was going somewhere and i wasn’t getting left behind by everyone i know#i just have no idea how to move forward and i feel like ever since high school not a single thing has gone the way i wanted it to#vent
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is this really all there is to life
#feeling trapped in an endless cycle of longing for something that you cant figure out#work come home sleep work come home enjoy something for 4 minutes sleep work sleep work work work go broke work suffer work debt work work#im not cut out for any of this#when will this existential dread GO AWAY!!!!!!1#trying to find small things to bring me joy but man. it is hard when an overwhelming amount of misery and stress is just sitting there
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everything is in turmoil!!
#i dont know if i can do this..#i ideally need to be out of here by sunday. if i stay any longer ill need to pay roughly $60 a day.#ive already accumulated debt with the power company. i cant have moms phone shut off yet so theres more debt to accumulate#need a storage unit. need to sort through a whole apartment of shit. need to move 6 cats. fill out forms. find other forms.#try to get an appointment with social security. try to get disability and/or emergency financial help.#gotta move into a modular home infested with dog feces and smells like piss and cigarettes#gotta hear right wing bs and slurs for god knows how long#gotta deal with my dad and by proxy step mother breathing down my neck about getting a further education and career#i just want everything to stop.. the only reliable people i have near me think my mental disorders are crutches i can will away#and the only people who believe they ARE a problem are unreliable and insufferable#i cant do this i feel like im having a panic attack 24/7 i feel trapped and lost and miserable and hopeless#i cant rely on other people for everything forever but i dont know what im doing. i dont know anything.#why did this have to happen? why do i need to prove worthy of shelter and food of my own? i cant think like this#all i can do is type and feel a thousand times more useless than i ever did before#i want my mom back. it wasnt supposed to happen like this.
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#ok sorry i dont wanna worry anyone so for the record im ok!!!! im safe in my home!!! i have a place to stay rn!#just do you ever feel like the abuse was supposed to kill you and every year that you are alive is borrowed time and digs a hole in yr#chest like an unpaid debt#i died years ago and its horrifying to see that nobody grieved me but i was being presumptuous in the first place to think anybody would#miss me yk#but other than that i am ok
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current events
#squad#chlotograph#hearing shy boy and kollage changed me#i feel like i’m still recovering from mother mother actually#got home mad late and opened the next day and a week later i have not repaid that debt#not pictured the maroon 5 set after carly that dylan made me stay for#and i was fucking zonked so i rly just kind of stood perfectly still and gazed at adam levine#for what felt like three hours
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other anon was right your peppino is sooo kissable especially when hes all bashful ggrgrgrg i just wanna take him out on a date and spoil himmmm waaaaargg
Theres like 3 variations of this same ask and you are all so valid 💖 Spoil 👏🏾 That👏🏾 Man!👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
#answered#chattin#///#////#/////#peppino#i feel like he would be too busy to enjoy dates 😭#miserable and anxious 😭#but just like everyone else; stability does wonders hfifbdjdjkdns#hed be more willing to ‘waste time’ if he wasnt drowning in debt with a failing business#i can see him doing dinner dates at home or a restaurant#being outside and coordinating shit is. stressful#places can be Loud#and unpredictable#but going out is still a Nice experience#u can convince him to go again if he has a good time#follow ur self insert dreams 💖
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WE GET TO KEEP THE HOUSE AND THE LAND AND NOT BECOME HOMELESS. as opposed to selling everything we own to pay off dad's debts. YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
#.txt#FINALLY. FINALLY. AFTER MORE THAN A YEAR OF BEING IN LIMBO#my sister's got her own stressful shit to figure out for her place sadly but she's got it handled i just feel so bad for her anyways#+ i'm gonna have to get my car refinanced and likely have to have my mom help sign for it bc my credit history is so young lol#+ i might end up moving to the OTHER house on the property but THAT'S FINE#because i'm fine with living in a tiny home compared to my 2007 mobile home with bad plumbing and mold lolz#+ we are still fightinggggg to get dad's truck and tractor sold to pay off the medical debt but whatever#<- medical debt FROM WHEN HE DIED. like what the fuck dude
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Am also sitting here staring at the floor, the phrase driving me forward being the gender neutral "hot girl summer"
#indeed hot the humidity is through the roof i feel like I'm standing in my laundry room#hot girl summer... a move and some debt paid off and. idk. I'll hang out i guess#i need to see what this summer is gonna do to me emotionally bc summer vacation as a kid in a bad home. hm.#i have a therapist for that but augh. hot girl summer....#oh shit speaking of money i should pay my rent#hoatm rants
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i still don't know if i want to settle for an Associates or not
#i already feel so much shame about my life but having to live at home into my 30s would compound that even more. and if i settled for the#associates i could also live with no debt#but on the other hand i'm going to have far fewer job opportunities than if i had a bachelors#and in its not all about money or jobs either. if i settle for an associates i'm going to continue to feel like i'm a failure.#i mean even if i get a bachelor's that's not going to change completely but a big part of all this has been proving to myself that i can#really truly accomplish something of real merit and that i'm capable of doing something meaningful with my life#and if i give in half way through i'm never going to get that#on the other hand i also know that even if i did do that i would still feel like a failure. because it's the truth#and even if getting a bachelors would maybe make that weigh on me a bit less it will never go away because its inseparable from me#so is there even any really point? just for that slight alleviation? idk man
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