#holy shit this was the wrong blog how embarassing

[minimumwagesoul]

Meow

how adorable!!

[maxwell-grant]

OK, I know this will probably be painful, and I may be a bad mutual for asking but...would you be willing to identify what, in your opinion are the bottom five worst Shadow adaptations, and give a detailed breakdown of why they were so lousy?

Oh christ, okay. I don't think you're gonna get as much of a detailed breakdown for these compared to some of the others, because I take more issue with adaptations that do have good qualities but also big or deep problems to talk about.

For example, I can't include Garth Ennis's Shadow in this list because the comic has a lot of strong points to it, despite a deeply, deeply detestable take on The Shadow's character, where as the rest of the Dynamite run doesn't reach neither the lows or highs of his run. Likewise, Andy Helfer's run has a couple or a couple dozen moments every issue that make me want to tear something to shreds in frustration, but it's also at many points a really good comic with great art and some occasionally very inspired writing. Really, I'd just be repeating myself talking about what I hate in those.

But, fine, let's list some of the others.

I think I'm just gonna have to get the elephant in the room out of the way here, and address that I won't be including Si Spurrier's 2017 Dynamite mini in this list, and I think at least some of you might be angry it's not Number 1 by default. I'm doing this because I intend to one day really revisit it, think about it and it's reception and what it was trying to do, and talk about it on it's own, now that it's been 5 years and everyone has moved on and we can maybe talk about it without kneejerk hatred driving everyone nuts (your mileage may vary on how warranted it was).

I'm also not going to be talking about James Patterson's new novel, because I haven't read it. It seems to be considered a forgettable potboiler by mainstream critics and a resounding failure by everyone who likes the character whether they've read the book or not, and frankly I don't have it in me to learn what the fuzz was about anytime soon, I got my hands way too full as is.

And I won't be including the Batman x Shadow crossovers here, because again, they do have a lot of virtues that put them far ahead of some of the really worst Shadow media, and I've talked enough about how badly I think they mangled The Shadow, which is really the big problem I have with them (well, that and Tim Sale blatantly copying a Michael Kaluta cover, that was really shitty). I don't really hate them anymore, I just get tired and frustrated thinking about parts of them, I said my piece as is. Really, my frustration over this comic is what inspired me to start writing about The Shadow here, so I guess in a way I do owe it at least that much.

5: Archie Comics's Shadow

I think some of you might be wondering why this isn't ranked higher, but to be honest, I don't actually harbor any hatred towards this. I mean, I have to include it, but I find it kinda silly that some people even today actually care about the existence of this comic enough to hate it.

For fans back then? Oh yeah, obviously, but this dropped to such instantaneous backlash that it never really got to live past 6 issues. Really, everything wrong about it can be understood immediately from the covers, and I've actually read the comic in it's entirety to see if there was anything worth taking. I found only a couple of things of note but, no, this really is just a painfully mediocre superhero comic that happens to have a couple of Shadow names in it. If anything, it gets too much credit.

The actual contents of what it is are never going to justify it's reputation, but the existence of it and the disproportionate response to it is the funniest and most enduring legacy it could ever ask for. This whole comic is The Shadow's version of Spongebob's embarassing Christmas photo.

4: David Liss's The Shadow Now

This is another "The Shadow as an immortal in modern times" comic and I think you may have noticed the pattern with those by now. I may revisit this eventually and I do have some moments from it saved for reference, but overall: It sucks, and it doesn't even suck in a way that lets me talk much about it, it's a diet version of Chaykin's Shadow. If Archie's Shadow is a generic mediocre superhero comic wearing The Shadow's name, this is a generic crime story playing beats from movie. The Shadow is an asshole and not even a grandiose or sinister one, he just feels like a sleazy douche in a costume. The art is a 50/50 coin toss between appropriately moody and "Google images with a filter on them", I don't remember anything about the plot other than Khan had a bomb again and he had a daughter, and there were new versions of the agents and the Harry stand-in turned evil and Lamont shacked up with Margo's descendant which, uh, no. I don't really hate this but I really have nothing nice to say about this comic other than Colton Worley's art is nice sometimes. I can't really muster anything else to say here.

3: Invisible Avenger

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

ZZZZZZZZZZ...

...uuh, wha-

Yeah, I remember nothing about this one other than it's painfully boring and nothing about it, nothing at all, works in the slightest and I drift off to sleep even now trying to give this a rewatch. To be honest pretty much every other Shadow serial not starred by Victor Jory sucks and I don't really have anything to say about them, this one is just the worst of the lot. I dearly wish there was a good Shadow tv series but, if it was going to be like this pilot? Good riddance.

2: Harlan Ellison's The New York Review of Bird

This isn't really a Shadow story as much as it's a Harlan Ellison story that happens to feature The Shadow, but man am I glad that Ellison's "Dragon Shadows" was canned, because holy shit what a goddamn nightmare Harlan Ellison writing The Shadow for real could have been, going purely by the one time he ever touched the character. New York Review of Bird is a purely farcical parody story that wears real, real thin even before "Uncle Kent" shows up, and we get to see in it what is by far the most detestable and irredeemable take on The Shadow ever put on print, and not even in a critique or deconstructive way or anything that could be remotely worth discussing.

I don't hold any particular affection for Harlan Ellison and his writing (despite liking some of it) and I've come to notice the major red flag that is finding someone who looks up to Harlan Ellison in any capacity as a person, and this story in particular really feels like Ellison aggressively trying to channel his jackass tendencies through every line, just him being nasty because he built a personal brand on being nasty. The only reason this isn't Number One is because it's a very short story that saw zero influence or reputation, and thus it only exists as a brief mention in The Shadow wiki, and a brief mention is all it really calls for.

1: Howard Chaykin's Blood & Judgment

I'm guessing most of you already knew this one was in the top spot before I started writing.

I would actually rather not write a big piece on Blood & Judgment, because I think (or at least I hope) it's influence on The Shadow has waned a lot over the years and I would prefer to draw it the least amount of attention possible, but if I HAVE to talk about this, I guess I'd rather just vomit this out of my circuits now instead of giving it it's own post.

I would prefer to use a less unpleasant image on my blog, but if I'm going to talk about this comic, there's no image to better convey it than this drawing of macho asshole Cranston holding a sexualized mannequin at gunpoint. By leaps and bounds, Blood & Judgment is the most misogynistic Shadow story I've ever read. It's ironic that Chaykin justified the rampant misogyny he gave The Shadow with the idea that this is just a man from the 30s would act like, when he admits in the same breath that he never even touched the stories, and he wrote a story more sexist and demeaning to it's female characters than anything, literally anything, written in the Shadow pulps. It's almost impressive even.

I'll paste some segments from Randy Raynaldo's review

In Flagg, he intended to present his own point of view on American society while keeping his work tongue in cheek and acessible. But this vision dimmed, and Flagg had become a vehicle by which Chaykin could play out fetishes and portray gratuitous and stylish violence.

In The Shadow, stripped of the political and social veneer which was supposed to make Flagg unique, Chaykin's sensibilities and excesses become disturbingly apparent. For all of his liberal posturing, Chaykin's work demonstrates zero difference from the same kind of mentality exploited and made popular by similarly violent popular culture icons like Dirty Harry and Death Wish.

More than half a dozen individuals are indiscriminately and violently murdered in the first issue. Although the victims are characters who played major roles in the myth of The Shadow, we feel little sympathy for them, even for those of us who knew these characters at the outset. Who dies is unimportant, it's how they die that is the fascination.

Chaykin uses sexual decadence as a means by which to establish villains, and undercuts this device by making the protagonists as promiscuous as the villains. For all of Chaykin's seemingly liberal leanings, he demonstrates very little sensitivity in his portrayal of women.

Because everything works on rules of three, this comic also follows the pattern with other works mentioned here, as this isn't Howard Chaykin writing The Shadow: it's The Shadow reimagined as a Howard Chaykin character. He looks and acts exactly like Reuben Flagg and the typical macho protagonist of Chaykin's other works, he's a cynical sleaze with an entirely new origin who half-assedly dons a garb to machine gun people, and I already wrote a separate piece on why the machineguns are kind of emblematic of everything wrong with this take.

I understand that Chaykin has, or used to have, a big following of sorts, and I've tried to wrap my head around this for years, but I genuinely still don't get why Shadow fans stomach this comic unless they happen to be Chaykin fans first and foremost, I really don't. Everything, fucking everything Shadow fans hate about modern depictions of the character can be traced right back to this. The parts that stuck and changed the character for the worse, like him being defined as an immortal, bloodthirsty warmonger who got all his skills and powers from a magic city in Tibet, or Lamont Cranston being a coward who fears and hates the Shadow, or his agents being expendable slaves, stuff that has been ingrained into the mythos through this and the Alec Baldwin movie and other comics, to the point that people now think of it as the norm, that it's the baseline of what The Shadow is, and I hate it, I genuinely fucking hate it,

I hate it so much that it's a big part of the reason why I created this blog and why I want so badly to get to write The Shadow, because I plainly couldn't stand not having ways to tell people that this is all wrong, that this is actively shooting down the character's odds for success, and that they are missing out on something really great, because the well has been tainted with garbage that won't go away and everytime I read the words Shambala in a Shadow comic, even an otherwise good or great one, I get just a wee bit cross.

The only semi-redeeming aspects I can think of for this comic is one or two cool moments, like when The Shadow hijacks a concert using his Devil's Whisper or when he tames dogs with a stare. Just breadcrumbs of "not garbage" amidst an ocean of anything but. I hate that talking about why I hate this comic in-length can almost feel like I'm still enticing people to check it out of curiosity, but if you wanna do that, fine, just know this: The worst part of Blood & Judgment, even if you don't care at all about what it did to The Shadow, is that it's boring.

It is a deeply boring comic. If you like Howard Chaykin to begin with, you'll probably like this okay (although even Chaykin fans told me that this is his weakest work and that even he seems to agree). If you don't, I plain don't see what you could get out of this.

The comic itself is just nothing. It's the comic book equivalent of a pre-schooler trying to get a reaction by swearing. It has nothing whatsoever other than half-assed attempts at shock value. The plot isn't there, the ideas are stale, the dialogue is needlessly oblique and comprised entirely of unfinished sentences, interrupted conversations and one-liners without build-up. The characters are all unlikable and uninteresting stooges with no personality, or joyless cartoons. There's no heart or emotion or logic, and it isn't even funny enough to succeed as just an outrageous exercise in 80s excess. There's nothing in here.

I get "why" it was popular enough at the time, a rising star creator penning a modern revival of an old character based on controversy that pissed off the old fans, it's an old story that still gets repeated today. But manufactured controversy is not a replacement for storytelling and it rarely ever exists to benefit the people who actually want to enjoy the stories, it only benefits those for the crude benefit of those who want to sell you something out of the controversy.

I guess they got their money's worth back then.

------------------------------------------------

Phew, okay, I did it, I finally vomited out a piece on Blood & Judgment and some others, allright, let's put this piece of negativity behind us now.

[dailystarknews]

Day 5: Friday 20th of March

Alright, a lot of things happened today. I didn’t slept that much in the night because I had nightmares again, it’s been a long time but apparently I can still have those crazy dreams about Afghanistan. I wish they could go away. I was definitely too scared to fall asleep again and it took a long time before I could succeed. If tonight it happens again, I would knock at my father’s door. 

Ok, so I bet you’re all asking yourself  what happened today?

First of all, the shower incident, I don’t even know if we can call it an incident the guy just let the door opens like nobody was there! But I already told you kind of everything about that but still... So HOT. It’s not even legal, is it?

The Second thing that happened was my fathers who came into the living to talks to me. Both. Together. And I was like, holy shit it must be fucking important. Ok, basically they told me two or three important things:

- One : They have seen my tumblr (I don’t fucking know how) and they read it! What kind of parents find the Journal of their kids and read it?! God damn it I’m so pissed off about it! And I swear to Loki, Dads if you’re keep reading this I am going to become unbearable to you for days! 

- Second : They asked me if I had a crush on Bucky. Whaaaaaat?! I don’t have a crush on Bucky, right? They told me it was pretty much obvious on my blog... No shit, men? I mean there is just the hottest guy on Earth in the House and you think I would not have maybe a little interest in him? Wait, I have a picture, I’m going to show you.  

Ok, you can’t properly see him here. But I swear to gods, he’s crazily charming. Plus, he’s super funny. Plus, he’s kind like a fucking cinammon roll. Plus, he’s legetimately smart. He is the crush type, of course I have a crush on him. (Oh God that’s a nightmare! I don’t wanna have a crush, like it’s so embarassing.)

Anyway I told my fathers that I didn’t really have a crush and they told me I should do something about it instead of writing it on my blog. Do something about it? What am I supposed to do about it? I have the charming skills of a baby snail ! I never successfully flirt with someone. Never really, you know? I just flirt with Rhodey and Pepper but they don’t count. 

Anyway, it might look like I made my coming out on this website. Alright, in case you didn’t understood... I am Gay. 🌈

It was less hard than I thought to write it. Even if, I am not sure that I can assume it... (Long Story, we will talk about that later, guys.)

- Third : My Fathers and I got an argument on this third point... They told me that I should stop my little investigation on Bucky. First, that it was not my business. Second, that he was the only one who could tell me the things or not. 

I get really pissed off, because, Fuck, I am curious I know it can be bad but... I can’t help it. I wanna know everything. How did he get this arm? I mean the guy is an Orphan and he got a super strong metal arm made really carefully (probably expensive) and there is like a red star on it. What the hell?

After the argument they’re gone and I talked with Bucky. I feel reallybad about it because I think I might have hurt his feelings. He was there, all happy, wanting to help me and I told him something like: “I know there’s something wrong with you and I just want to figure it out. It’s not fair to let me in the interrogation when everybody knows.” 

That was probably, certainely, surely the STUPIDEST thing I ever said ! I thought about something after that. I never really want to talk about what happened in Afghanistan, I mean even my fathers don’t know everything that happened back there... So maybe Bucky is tired about all this questions that people ask him on his arm, or his Russian accent... I should really apologize. I feel so bad about it know... 

After the diner we watch a crazy thriller movie, all together. It was fucking scary, not sure that I would be able to sleep for a moment. Bucky and I are still in the living room while I’m writing. I’m going to apologize this time. Wish me good luck. 

How is it going for you? Hope your family and friends are ok. I have to call my friends by the way. I miss Rhodey, and I need to tell him about this blog. 

Remember to stay safe and stay Home. 

Good night ! 😘

[one-piece-dumpster-fire]

Hi! I just found your blog and I absolutely love it holy shit, do you think you could do romantic sfw/nsfw headcanons for marco, shanks and smoker?

Hello my love, of course you may (the gifs aren’t made by me)

Romantic headcanon

Marco

literally the most chill boyfriendyou’ll ever have

not only is he your romantic partnerbut also your best friend- in fact, not much actually changed- well aside from thefact that you get all sweet and smooth every now and then

he has a real knack for finding goodplaces to spend quality time together- well, mainly because he’s been scouting theisland in his Phoenix form earlier already and quickly found most relaxed andcomfortable areas

if he was the one to decide, Marcowould actually prefer an unprepared date over a planned one-  theresimply is no need to stress over organizing everything and it’s a lot morefun and exciting to just jump into action right away

let’s be real her, it’s mainly you who has thepower of deciding on where to go, and believe me when I tell you thatyou can take this man anywhere- shopping, visiting a museum, readingin a library, or hell, even chilling at a playground- as long asyou’re happy he is content as well

the one thing Marco really loves issuprising you and vice versa

especially when you’ve been apart fromeach other for a while: he will often quietly sneak up behind you andcover your eyes making you wonder who it is before lifting you up and giving you a kiss

he doesn’t actually show it that often, but thereis alsoa very protective side hidden inside him and whenever hesenses possible dangers around, Marco will often just gently take yousomewhere else, without having you even notice that somethingthreatening was close by

Smoker

the somewhat awkward/easily embarassedboyfriend

Smoker is not a fan of dates. Well, thatdoesn’t mean that he won’t take you on one every once in a while, but hejust feels somewhat unprepared and often ends up not quite knowing what to do

he enjoys the simple things a lot more- being nearyou while reading, talking for a bit or having you sit next to him while heis taking care of some paperwork

but the thing that worries him even more than going on dates is giving you presents- he’snever really convinced that what he choose would be to your liking- and he might just end upembarassing himself in front of you…

but luckily, there is Tashigi who dropshints on what he could give to you every now and then

he always tries to keep a straight faceand seem strict when he tells you that his orders come first, yet he almostalways cancels his missions when there is something wrong with you so that hecan be by your side if anything happens

god help this man when he jumps overhis shadow and asks the other marines from his ship to help himprepare a date

they will organize something so crazy and completely overthe top that Smoker IMMEDIATELY regrets ever asking for help

it would be very helpful if you couldtake the lead and show him how to be more romantic without gettingflustered almost ever single time xD

Warning for dirt under the cut!

Marco DIRTY headcanon

he may seem to be more on thesubmissive side, but the tables can turn pretty damn quick

you can take the lead and guide him, orhe can be in control if you want it that way- anything’s fine as longas he’s having fun

it often appears as if he is completely unfazed by what’s happening, but his quiet groans and the increasingblush on his face will tell you otherwise

Marco likes to take things veeeery slowand soak in every single moment- from undressing to foreplay to theactual act, everything should be pleasant for the both of you

he’s a dirty talker and often tells you how georgous youlook when you are all sweaty and blushing under him

it’s also very likely for him to saysweet things like „I love you“ or „I wish it could always belike this“ in the heat of the moment- and he definitely means it

Shanks DIRTY headcanon

it’s just rather goofyelse most of the time xD

„Alright (Y/N), here it comes- I’mtotally serious. This time for real.“ „…“ „………..Hahadid you see the look you just gave me? Hilarious!“

but be careful- sometimes he justPRETENDS to be overly goofy and when he switches to being all seductive andin control it’ll surely catch you off guard which is exactly what hewas aiming for

there’s a lot of praising coming fromhim. I mean, if you make him feel good and do a great job he shouldlet you know, right?

Shanks LOVES going down on you whilekeeping a close eye on your face- the way you turn your head inpleasure, open your mouth to moan- that’s really turning him on

but the best part is when he’s takingyou and you can look each other in the eyes while pleasure keeps on rushing through your bodies

sometimes he also bets with you on who will come first

Smoker DIRTY headcanon

okay this is an important moment and there can’tbe any goofing around with this guy or he’ll be left disappointed!!! jk but please don’t joke about his penis, okay?

your steamy sessions are often off to arocky start because this man can’t help but get flustered wheneverthings get hot

just do both of you a favor and takethe lead. Pretend that it’s like a training session- tell him whatto do, for how long, where- for some reason that always takes theedge off him

the more confident he gets the moredominant he becomes and it won’t be long until he flips you around while whispering „Your turn.“ into your ear

he likes getting quite rough with youand making you whimper under him while watching you wriggle around in pleasure

there is so much body worship from Smoker-everything about you is special to him and he’ll make sure to you know

Sorry if I didn’t write that much but quitea lot was requested and it always takes so long for me to finish everything lolxD

[onyxavier]

A Tharja Take, as I see her as a character.

First of all, I want to clear some things up. No Tharja is not perfect, Yes she is a stalker, I know she is not a good person but holy shit people have the dumbest and most shallow reasons to just throw shit around so I decided to make a full blown post about Tharja explaining some things as I see them, this is not meant to change peoples minds or be a “THARJA IS BEST FUCK YOU IF YOU THINK THE OPPOSITE” so do NOT take it as such. Its okay to like a character , its okay to not like a character but you know what its not okay? To hate on the character, insult it and everyone who likes him/her. If you have to fill your blog with hate for a character and insults besides from the obvious point of it not being okay , I am sorry but youve got issues, being passionates okay but being passionate about negativity? Thats messed up 

Besides the fact that many people just insult Tharja because…she exists and dont even bother getting to know the character, the issue is that shes a stalker. Yes its unhealthy, yes its creepy to pretty much everyone , she even looks at Robin while he sleeps. I doubt anyone would try to make an excuse about how its not creepy. Its a negative trait OBVIOUSLY and everyone can agree on that but if you think its all that Tharja is then…thats a dumb stance on the character, every character has its fair share of good and bad traits. While her stalker demeanor is her most obvious and probably biggest trait, theres other things to consider. She was raised by dark mages to the point she believes its “right” for dark mages to be creepy, solitary and have a dark aura like she states in her support with Henry, its like honoring the profession. Its not an excuse but just the way the character is.

Henry states that when someone uses dark magic they get depressed until they kill someone with it or use curses, making the mages go to a state of euphoria and causing drastic changes in their mood, attitude and personality.

Tharja is by no means a good person but not necessarily bad. She knew Gangrel was a shitty king and hated the kind of king he was, she knows the difference between “good” and “evil” and stays loyal to Chrom. She knows how dangerous dark magic can be and knows the effects it can have on people , hence why she doesnt target her own army or condone the use of it. Doesnt take away the fact that she enjoys murdering and cursing but knows the dangers about them.

Only in Robins support she begins as a “good” person, I believe theres not a single support where she starts conversation and in some, like in Donnels case, she sends him off to a cave to search for ingredients or something? I dont remember but think its something around those lines. She doesnt really begin being friendly but youd be amazed how caring and sweet she gets in her supports, and they dont even need to be S supports. In plenty of supports (havent seen all/dont remember all) like Lonqus, Libras, Kellam and Gregors she aids them to overcome their traumas or in general, with Kellam she helps him know about his parents situation and to deliver a message I think. She gets concerned and worried about them, offering her help, at first mentioning some sort of payment but grows fond of them to the point she cares and wants to help. Frederick got wounded in battle indirectly because of Tharja and she tended to his wounds, saying she would accept her punishment knowing that what she did was wrong. In Vaikes support she CRIES at the death of soldiers, blaming herself because she couldnt do enough to prevent it. Tharja is not just a “shitty thot stalker” , shes kind and caring, shes undoubtedly a stalker, and not a good person but it doesnt mean she is a bad one.

I really have no idea why they call her a thot unless its a joke, since her outfit makes sense…living in a literal desert sounds hot and exhausting, living her whole life in it I assume she wanted to wear something comfortable, I know I would. Not to mention she doesnt even realize how revealing her outfit is or just not paying attention to it, if she did or wanted to be an actual thot there wouldnt be any reason for her to hide her breasts with her book 24/7 and the most important part, get incredibly ashamed about it when Cordelia points it out. She even needs to use a talisman to hide her embarassment for gods sake. Not to mention she wants to kill the men who talked about her assets when Nowi pointed it out, she despies men and people who care only about appearance, made known in Vaikes support.

One cant really argue about her obsession with the avatar and say its okay to get married to someone else and call them your 2nd most important person in your life I completely agree.

Moving on to the “abuse”. Let us not forget theres more than one timeline involved, where the MC becomes Grima and the one youre playing the game. In MC->Grima timeline she does hex Noire constantly….let us make a quick recap. In that future , where everyone is pretty much dying, where the MC is thought to be dead (Tharjas number 1 person) , where theres nowhere to run, everythings gone to shit and some people do argue that the reason behind Tharjas constant hexing was to make Noire more resistant to magic although theres no proof. Now, the most important thing about all this is…the tharja from that timeline is a DIFFERENT Tharja. Its a separate dimension, making all people there different in one way or another to the people in the main dimension. To explain it in two different ways , are you the same person you were 5 years ago? Im sure youre not , no one is. To put it in even simpler terms…why dont people hate Robin? He killed Chrom and pretty much everyone right? Because it was another timeline and not the actual MC, simple as that.

[sugabetes]

Soft Boyfriends Headcannons

this is for the lovely @tankun whose blog I absolutely adore! I'm trying a different style this time, hope you like it hnnngh ;;; It got kinda out of hand tho oops.

Jungkook and Yoongi aren't dating.

Yet, that is.

but that's completely fine since they already went on several dates and everything is going just fine

in fact they were going on another date in a few hours

so it's a mystery to a certain Park Jimin who finds himself on a gigantic pile of clothes with a panicking maknae pacing around the room

don't get him wrong because Jimin is more than willing to help his friends but--

"Okay, which shirt? Left or right?"

Jimin is also questioning his life choices while staring at the two white T-shirts the younger is currently holding up his face

"Kookie, they look exactly the same.", he deadpans.

which wasn't his best decision since as soon as his words left his mouth, Jungkook immediately started rambling

"No! Look, the left one is like at least an inch longer! What do I do if he likes guys with shorter shirts?! JIMIN, YOU'D BE RESPONSIBLE IF YOONGI DUMPS ME BECAUSE OF THE LONG SHIRT"

so after finally convincing him that no Yoongi isn't going to dump him based on what he's wearing and yes even if that's the case, Jimin's sure, that Yoongi prefers the shirt that's a whole inch longer

... how is this his life?

this kind of situations are Taehyung's forte

although on the other hand Jimin really doesn't want Tae to make up some kind of conspiracy theory about Yoongi's shirt preferences

sooo.. on second thought dealing with Jungkook himself is probably the better solution.

later when Jungkook entered the small coffee place, Yoongi was already seated in the corner with a mug placed in front of him

it's probably creepy but the younger just had to stop for a moment and just.. admire him

Yoongi looked good. Duh. But he's wearing a bright red sweater with the word 'loved' printed all over it. He looks so soft and Jungkook's heart melted. All he could think of was a steady mantra of "Holy shit, I'm in love with you"

that's when Yoongi finally looked up and when he noticed Jungkook just standing there and staring, he quirked his eyebrow in a sassy but adorable way which only Min Yoongi could pull off

"Kook-ah, come sit and stop staring, you're embarassing me"

that snapped the younger out of his trance and he shuffled over to the elder

it's ridiculous, this is their what? Fifth date? And Jungkook can still feel his heart trying to escape his chest. So it's no surprise that his brain-to-mouth filter was currently non-existent

"Hyung, would you break up with me because of my shirt?"

there's a moment of silence and suddenly drowning himself in coffee and then dying of caffeine sounds really tempting to Jungkook

he was also thinking about who he should leave his precious games to after he dies

probably Tae, since he also appreciates the beauty of Overwatch.

a giggle interrupted his train of thought and when Jungkook looked up, he was flashed by a gummy smile

"Kookie, I wasn't aware that we are in a relationship. So no breaking up... yet"

Yoongi's eyes crinkled and his gummy smile was just breathtaking

Without second thought Jungkook said "I love you"

real smooth.

you are one smooth talker, Jeon Jungkook.

it took a beat before a blush started to spread on the elder's cheeks

embarassed he buried his head on his arms

and okay Jungkook will most likely slap himself several times when he goes home later for his bluntness but the sight of a blushing Yoongi was so worth it

"Kookie, you can't say stuff like that! We aren't even dating yet!", Yoongi whined

even his whines were just the cutest ahhhh--

and since Jungkook apparently lost all his ability to act like a normal human being, he just said

"So be my boyfriend then! And then we'll get married!"

Bonus:

"Wait, just to make sure I heard you right.. so you discussed a possible breakup, then straight out confessed your undying love before you finally asked him to be your boyfriend and proposed to him at the same time? In that exact order?"

"Yep! You were right, hyung! Yoongi doesn't mind my long shirt!"

...

Jimin needs new friends.