#holding tight to your quiet resentment and my friends said it isnt right to be scared

[annamatix]

so long london is adam and juliette's song

[conanssummerchild]

so long london but its about my father

[femmme]

I’M PISSED OFF YOU LET ME GIVE YOU ALL THAT YOUTH FOR FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[acetheta]

hiya!! ive been meaning to do this for awhile…

but uh! this is a music analysis for thoschei for so long, london (taylor swift ) !!!

( @thetorturedlovergirl @dykethoschei )

“i saw in my mind fairy lights through the mist” so i could be remembering wrong but i believe during the gallifrey flashbacks in divided loyalties, they talk about some sort of lights overhead? how koschei and theta probably saw them together.

“i kept calm and carried the weight of the rift” koschei was dying inside all that time at the academy, but she couldnt let herself show it. for theta.

“pulled him in tighter each time he was drifting away” koschei tried so hard to hold onto theta. but the truth? theta was going to leave in every timeline.

“my spine split from carrying us up the hill” again, koschei just wanted theta. that was all. they tried so hard to hold onto him, but he didnt even see it. maybe he did. it didnt matter.

“i stopped trying to make him laugh” they used to be so close. one day it just wasnt worth it anymore. he couldnt pine after a ghost.

“thinkin, how much sad did you think i had” koschei was always there for theta. did theta even see it?

“so long, london” not leaving london, but gallifrey. afterall, koschei couldnt sit and wait around for theta to come back forever, could he? he had to move on. move on without theta.

“you’ll find someone” because theta did. again and again. companion after companion.

“i didnt opt in to be your odd man out” theta has loved so many, but apparently he could never bring themself to love koschei.

“i left all i knew” because he did. koschei left all he knew on gallifrey, and went to search for a purpose.

“you left me at the house by the heath” why did you have to go theta? didnt u understand koschei was going to love you forever? she did. they still do. it wasn’t enough.

“i stopped CPR, after all its no use” theres no use trying to be good when everyone has always treated u like what u r, a monster.

“and im pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free” they were just kids. koschei wasted her teen years loving someone that was always going to leave.

“two graves, one gun” in the end, its always theta pointing a gun at koschei, and koschei welcomes Death.

“and you say i abandoned the ship, but i was going down with it” theta was always so mad at koschei, but koschei would have sacrificed everything for theta. and didnt she?

“my white knuckle dying grip” koschei was always meant to die by the doctor’s hands. and he will continue to every time.

“holding tight to your quiet resentment” maybe it isnt so quiet. but its there.

“my friends said it wasnt right to be scared, every day of a love affair” this could mean multiple things. maybe koschei talked to the deca about theta?

“every breath feels like rarest air, when you’re not sure if he wants to be there” koschei never knew that theta loved him. she knew. of course she did. it didnt matter.

“just how long did you think i’d go? before i’d self implode” how long would koschei have waited for theta? not forever. he was always going to break eventually.

“you swore that you loved me, but where were the clues” again, koschei was begging to be noticed. theta didnt even see them.

“i died on the altar waiting for the proof” even now, koschei is just trying to get theta to look at him. he dies every time.

“you sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days” about how theta left (in the divided loyalties flashbacks) and went and found the toy maker. he was a god.

“and im just getting color back into my face” will koschei ever be over theta? no. i dont think so.

“im just mad as hell cause i loved this place” gallifrey, but more, theta.

“had a good run, a moment of warm sun” they were happy for a bit, so was it all worth it? was all the pain and suffering and death worth a few of theta’s smiles? theta will look at anyone but koschei. why?

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

And you say I abandoned the ship but I was GOING DOWN WITH IT. My white KNUCKLE DYING GRIP. Holding tight to your quiet resentment and my friends said it isnt right to be SCARED every day of a love AFFAIR, every breath feels like rarest air, when your not sure if he wants to be there.

Still has me in a chokehold. Will never recover. Will never forget exactly where I was and how I felt the first time I heard it. One of her most heartbreaking lyrics and i’m willing to die on that hill. The imagery!

the whole song is sooooooooooooooo evocative.

I remember listening to TTPD the first time when it dropped and I was going into it relatively spoiler-free except for a few insinuations I'd read into that let me know things maybe weren't what we expecting lol, which became clearer on the first few tracks. But I remember getting to So Long London and being like, this is it. This is the one. Of course, now they're all the one in their own ways lol.

It's so interesting how so many of the tracks on the album tell stories through metaphors or allegories or otherwise use a bunch of narrative devices to tell the emotional truth of the story. But SLL is one that is much more rooted in real events, and not only that, but like, painfully descriptively so. I left all I knew, you left me at the house by the Heath. (Which to me always sounds like a nod to "remember looking at this room? We loved it 'cause of the light" if not directly then at least in spirit.) I loved this place for so long. All the descriptors of the actions and reactions. I also find so much of it so reflective, if not outright calling back to previous songs, like the passage of time colouring the memories, as is so common when relationships end. It's absolutely the right choice for Track 5 because it's the emotional centre of all the other events that happen as a result.

The imagery is just so hauntingly beautiful. The bridge is one of my favourites because not only is the picture she paints SO detailed and emotional, but she SOUNDS all of these things! She's desperate, she's angry, she's devastated, she's done! But underneath it all she's all those things BECAUSE there was so much love there! It's incredibly complex and human.

And another thing that has really grabbed me more these days is the choral harmonies of the intro, before it jumps into the synthy bass. Not only do they sound beautiful, but they themselves are incredibly evocative on their own. They sound like bell chimes, they sound old-fashioned, they sound hallowed-- they conjure up a very specific location and emotion. They actually remind me of the making of video for Don't Blame Me, where Taylor is the one telling her producers that she wants the "mmm-mmm-mmms" at the start to sound church choir-y and religious. It's brilliant.

[emforevermore]

YOU SAY I ABANDONED THE SHIP BUT I WAS GOING DOWN WITH IT!!!! MY WHITE KNUCKLED DYING GRIP!!!!! HOLDING TIGHT TO YOUR QUIET RESENTMENT AND MY FRIENDS SAID “it isnt right to be scared every day of a love affair” EVERY BREATH FEELS LIKE RAREST AIR… WHEN YOURE NOT SURE IF HE WANTS TO BE THERE!