#hojo can go sit on a cactus

[salternateunreality2]

You Said Forever - White

Hojo shows up.

[salternateunreality]

Feeling down? Need a little pick-me-up? All the talks of Hojo rizz got you contemplating the shortest route to a vomit receptacle?

Well, I've got a cute little chapter for you:

Only happy endings in this work! Hope you enjoy! 🌺🌸🌼🌻🌹🌷🪷🪻💮🏵️

The theme: folding furniture ☺️

[salternateunreality]

Hojo rizz scene… nooooo 😭😭😭😭😭

Anon why 😭😭😭

But as the public requests, so shall I deliver...

"What are you doing here?!" Cloud asked, disgust crawling up and down his skin and veins like so much mako.

"It should be obvious, I'm getting a tan," sneered Hojo as he basked in a full lab coat and the presence of several beautiful women.

"Not really, you greasy sack of shit," said Aerith. "You're fully dressed. Hey, ladies, are you ok? Is he threatening you?"

"He he he," the brunette enunciated. "No, Hojo-sama isn't threatening us at all, right boogie-bear?" She stroked his head softly, barely suppressing a cringe as her hand came away dripping with weeks of built-up grease. She pet his coated shoulder to wipe it off.

Nanaki, Cloud, and Aerith immediately felt sick(er).

"Of course not, pookie-wookie," replied Hojo, blowing her a kiss.

That did it. His former experiments all lost their lunch on him. Due to the experimentation, this was extra-toxic and quickly burned through his lab coat and flesh, and he died horribly.

"So," gasped Aerith, wiping her mouth off after spitting on the puddle that was Hojo's corpse. "Was he paying you then?"

"Oh yeah," said the brunette. "Oodles. I do this for a living and have seen my fair share of odiousness, and this guy by far was the worst. I've seen uglier men for sure, but the soul on that thing? Let's just say I think Gaia's happy about this beautiful day."

Everyone agreed, burned the remains several times until the biohazard was cleaned, then went on their way.

The shards of glass created by superheating the sand glowed brilliantly in the sunset, enticing an unsuspecting crowd of college girls to pick them up.

Hojorizz, even in death.

[salternateunreality]

[salternateunreality]

I really love killing Hojo. I currently have killed him in 124 different ways *minimum*. If that kind of thing floats your boat (and you're an adult, some of the deaths are spicy and/or disturbing) see the link below. Here's one of my new favorites:

122

Hojo dips a nice, crispy carrot into some unexpired ranch dressing, forgetting he's lactose intolerant, and soon has to abscond to the room of baths. While he's gone, the bottle he overturned in his haste to leave drips onto the floor. When he returns, he slips and hits the button to initiate lockdown. Except he programmed it incorrectly, and instead it initiates a hoedown. The ensuing mob unknowingly tramples him to death as they perform lovely square dances.

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A note for fans of Dads of SOLDIER and minors: this Hojo-killing series is not family friendly.

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