#hmmm gonna try for 4 or 5 depending on how busy work is

[chill-that-ur-inmyhead]

Are you currently wearing anything red?

my red nail polish

Have you had a deep conversation with anyone today?

nope

What would you say is the most disgusting thing you’ve ever tasted?

not a fan of christmas pudding but would I say its the most disgusting thing ever? hmmm probs not maybe I need to try more foods and get back to you

What was the last food you got a random craving for?

toast, but that is a daily occurrence

Has anyone/anything made you angry recently?

yes.... I arranged to stay with my friend for a weekend to which she announces that she has also arranged for another one of her friends to stay. So instead of telling her friend that she’s busy, this friend is gonna crash and it made me angry because I wanted to spend the weekend with her, I don’t mind meeting her friends but now they’re gonna be there 24/7. I made my peace with it now

Who did you last go to the cinema with?

probs the same friend mentioned above haha

What was the last song that got stuck in your head?

Little Big Town - Better Man

When was the last time you listened to it?

the other day

Who was the last person to say something thought-provoking?

my friend questioned our group if we think we’re fat phobic so we had an open discussion about it and it got us thinking

On your Facebook friends list, who was the last person to have their b-day?

who knows

How old were they?

probs 22 or 23

What did you/are you having for dinner tonight?

I had steak, yum

Is your best friend in a relationship?

I have a few close friends, some are dating and some aren’t, tis a mixture

How old were you 5 years ago?

17

What is something you enjoy doing, but aren’t good at?

dancing, hehe

Who was the last person you talked to, whose name started with ‘C’?

probs Cara :)

What colour are that person’s eyes?

brown

Name some healthy foods that you enjoy eating.

CUCUMBER FOREVER

What is your favourite Studio Ghibli film?

hmm haven’t seen many Studio Ghibli films but Howl’s Moving Castle was a rollercoaster, note to self: watch more Studio Ghibli creations

Do you have a favourite hair accessory? What does it look like?

yes and no, I love using sunglasses or normal glasses to push my hair back so its both a hair accessory and isn’t

What’s your favourite type of insect?

one that leaves me alone

What’s your LEAST favourite type of insect?

slugs

Who was the last person you Facebook messaged?

Laura!

What’s his/her favourite food?

I do not know haha

Did you have a good day yesterday? What did you do?

hmmm it was a stressful day, my dad and brother were driving up to join us for my grandad’s 90th over the weekend but they broke down on the M1 and took the car back to home in a lorry. mum was stressed and I was sad that we wouldn’t have use of our car to travel back in 

When was the last time you went to a fancy dress party?

have I ever? maybe when I was like 10

Who/what did you dress as?

witch?

What genre was the last film you watched? Did you like it?

FANTASY - I re watched Narnia Prince Caspian and oh wow 

Have you made a sandwich today? What did you put on it?

nope I had a salad

Do you remember the last time you overheard part of a random conversation?

nope, I do like to eavesdrop but can never remember what I hear

Did it make you feel awkward?

nah, I doubt it

What were you doing at 10 o'clock this morning?

showering

How many vowels are there in your first name?

3

What was the last song you listened to? Does it mean anything to you?

Taylor Swift - right where you left me. It reminds me of my last relationship and it’s literally just ONE moment it reminds me of because the song is about the narrator being left at the restaurant and I can just vividly see the moment when my partner and I went for korean bbq. He didn’t leave me at the restaurant and I don’t know why the song would remind me of that moment besides it being at a restaurant. Crazy how taylor works her magic

What flavour was the last cupcake you ate?

tomorrow evening I’ll be able to tell you because we have cupcakes for my Grandad’s 90th :)

When was the last time you complimented a stranger?

in a pandemic? pfffttt hardly spoken to anyone let alone a stranger

What’s your favourite milkshake flavour?

nutella and oreo

Have you had an interesting or amusing dream recently?

nope they’re all stressful and weird

Do you know how old your favourite actor is?

27

Is there anything worrying you right now?

yes

If so, have you talked to anyone about it?

I want to but I just can’t bring myself to

Is there anything you desperately want, that you can’t have?

bread

When will you next see your best friend?

a couple weeks time but we keep in touch every day

Apart from sleeping, what do you plan to do tonight?

read

What’s the age difference between your parents?

5 years

You can only have one flavour of ice-cream for the rest of your life. Which do you choose?

chocolate always

Are there any foods you’ve been craving, or eating a lot of, just recently?

I always crave yoghurt so situation normal there

When was the last time you wanted to do something, but didn’t do it?

I wanted to drive my dad and brother back from the station

Why did you choose not to do it?

I knew it would cause a fight with my mum so I let it go

When was the last time you ate an apple?

within the last week for sure

What’s the nicest thing your best friend has ever said to you?

it’s not something they say once it’s more that they keep coming back to say more nice things :)

Have you ever experienced a hangover?

yep

What was the last food or drink that you tried for the first time?

blood orange gin

Did you like it?

yes

What do your friends think of the person you’re currently interested in?

I’m not interested in anyone rn

Name one of your favourite foods, that starts with the letter ’S’

sausage!!!!

The last time you hung out with your sibling(s), what did you do?

waited for my parents in the car whilst our parents went food shopping

Who was the last blue-eyed person you spoke to?

padre

Is there a person you’d like to speak to right now?

I hope to get a response from Rena soon but I can wait

Why that person, specifically?

She has organised a party and I need more details haha

When you woke up this morning, what was on your mind?

It is spider season :/

At this moment, what are you most looking forward to?

CAKE (for my grandad’s 90th bday) and ofc seeing the extended family

Do you have any scented candles in your home? What scent(s)?

I do, sea salt, bergamot & another one from & other stories

Are you planning any special outings with family or friends?

YES my grandad’s bday dinner is tomorrow

Who were the last 3 males you talked to?

my padra, mon frere and Yao

Do you ever wear lipstick? What colour(s) do you prefer?

either nudes or deep reds, difficult to not look like a clown in the latter, that is always the fear

If you have a pet, when did you last pet him/her?

I don’t :(

Do you have a favourite Celine Dion song?

nope

Name one of your favourite foods, that starts with the letter ‘C’

chicken!

Does the person you love/like have a car? What colour is it?

I’m sure Timothee Chalamet does not sure what colour

Have you ever received a compliment on anything you’re wearing?

yes

Have you had any caffeinated beverages today?

nope

What was the last alcoholic drink you tried for the first time?

blood orange gin 

Did you like it?

yes

Have you eaten any chocolate today? What kind?

so much

The last person you kissed - are they older or younger than you?

older

When was the last time someone wanted you to do something, and you refused?

mum wanted me to not have so much smoothie but I wanted the smoothie haha

What’s your favourite feature of the person you’re currently interested in?

nobody right now but I always notice a nice smile and kind eyes

How many people have you hugged today?

loads! twas my grandad’s 90th bday - we had the whole family come to celebrate

Do you have a favourite hair colour or eye colour on your preferred sex?

I don’t

Do you remember the first CD you ever bought?

it was probably taylor swift’s 1989 album. If it was the first CD I ever bought I dont know but I sure remember buying multiple copies of 1989 to get the polaroid collection

Is there anyone on your mind atm?

not in particular

The last song you listened to - does it remind you of anyone?

nope

Is your birth year an odd or even number?

odd

Have you eaten any of your favourite foods today?

CAKE!

What did you have for lunch yesterday?

fish finger salad!! I hope I’m never too old for fish fingers

Who was the last person you Facebook messaged?

Laura

How many different towns/cities have you lived in?

4

What are your parents’ middle names?

Steven & Anne

Are your eyes the same colour as your sibling’s?

nope

How many pets do you have? Would you like any more?

I don’t have any! we used to have bunnies and I would love some more again

Do you prefer still or sparkling drinks?

depends on the mood

Is there a song you can’t stop listening to atm?

Little Big Town’s Better Man is on repeat rn

Did you have a strange or interesting dream last night?

nope

Which friend do you confide in most?

I kinda tell the world my problems hehe

Who was the first male you talked to today? What colour are his eyes?

either my dad or brother, dad has blue eyes, brother has brown

Are you wearing any accessories in your hair? Describe them.

nope

When was the last time you felt ill? What was wrong?

I caught this WEIRD bug that would just make me feel awful all of a sudden and then drained my energy. It was unlike anything I’ve ever felt it made me miss the normal cold

If given the chance, would you change anything that’s happened today?

the food came later than expected so I would change how much breakfast I had

Who was your first best friend? Do you still speak to that person?

nope

Do you like your middle name, or does it embarrass you?

It fits my name

Are you wearing anything that was given to you as a gift?

nope

Have you received any compliments about your appearance today?

yes! my auntie said I looked like a doll and how much I’ve grown since we last saw each other!

Have you ever written a song or poem for someone special?

nope

Have you ever had an argument with the last person you text messaged?

probably

What colour is your shampoo bottle?

pink

Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged?

she is wonderful but I am not attracted to her in that way haha

Do you have any ice-cream in your freezer? What flavour is it?

chocolate & raspberry 

Have you spoken to any of your neighbours today?

nope

[syfynjvall]

OTP ASK GAME - farah & juliette

tagged by @havennly thank u!! i’m gonna tag @agentnatesewell @bryceslahela @agentfreckles @serafinedupont @agentnats if youve done it already i apologize ksks

(long post warning)

DISAGREEMENTS.

Who is more likely to raise their voice?

juliette, but it’s honestly never anything serious. more often than not its just bc she gets very competitive during game nights

Who threatens to leave but never actually does?

neither, even kidding about it kinda hurts each others souls

Who actually keeps their word and leaves?

neither

Who trashes the house?

i cant see either of them doing it

Do either of them get physical?

never in a million years

How often do they argue/disagree?

not often, and when they do its mostly about petty things like leaving empty containers in the fridge

Who is the first to apologize?

both are good about it

SEX.

who is on top? Who is on bottom?

hmmm they switch

any kinks?

welllll jules put on her old cheerleading uniform from college as a joke once and farah was into it. theyre both into roleplay

who has the strangest desires?

jules

who’s dominant in bed?

it’s a pretty even split

is head ever in the equation?

yes

if so, who is better at performing it?

probably farah

ever had sex in public?

once. under the bleachers at the football field. pretty cliché

who moans the most?

uhh both

who leaves the most marks?

farah

who is the more experienced of the two?

definitely jules. she had a LOT of fun in college

do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’?

make love. it’s very special for both of them bc they know they’re gonna last

how long do they usually last?

it depends but both of them can usually go pretty long

rough or soft?

typically soft, but rough if theyre in the mood

is protection used?

no

does it ever get boring?

no

where is the strangest place they’d have sex?

dont know? maybe in an empty room in the agency? idk lol

FAMILY.

do they plan on having children/or have children?

oh yeah definitely

if so, how many children do they want/have?

juliette loved the look on farahs face the first time they talked about it and she said she wanted ten kids. it was a joke obv but they probably end up having three or four. jules always wanted siblings growing up and she was sad she never got that wish so she doesnt want her own kids to be lonely like she was

AFFECTION.

who likes to cuddle?

both of them are huge cuddle bugs and they get cozy almost everywhere

who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places?

juliette

who struggles to keep their hands to themselves?

both

how long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable?

their cuddles can last a while but farah probably wiggles away first

what is their favourite non-sexual activity?

they love girls night out and its even more fun when tina joins them. put the three of them together and its basically nonstop chaos, but so fun

where is their favourite place to cuddle?

predictable, but the bed. jules is one of those extravagant mattress people so her bed is basically a giant pillow and its very comfortable

SLEEPING.

who snores?

both

if both do, who snores the loudest?

jules, and you better believe farah teases her relentlessly

do they share a bed or sleep separately?

jules WAS a very picky sleeper until she got together with farah, now she gets pouty if they dont share a bed

if they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart?

they cozy up, but juliette is a blanket hog so she usually ends up with most of the covers

what do they wear to bed?

jules usually just wears a top, farah wears pajama sets

are either of them insomniacs?

no

can sleeping pills be found by the bedside?

not before everything that went down in book one, but since murphy, yeah. jules has a hard time falling asleep now

do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side?

definitely cuddly sleepers

who wakes up with bed hair?

both

who wakes up first?

farah. she’s usually the one to rouse juliette when she’s about to be late

who prepares breakfast in bed for the other?

neither of them can cook so... neither lol

what is their favourite sleeping position?

farah loves being the little spoon and jules loves making her feel safe so

do they set an alarm each night?

jules does but she hits snooze at least six times a morning

who has nightmares?

juliette, and farah has no problem soothing her back to sleep when she wakes up

can a television be found in their bedroom?

yes. they’re both obsessed with trashy shows

who has ridiculous dreams?

farah!

who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed?

again, juliette is an unfortunate bed hog

who makes the bed?

farah. juliette is cute but she’s not always that tidy

what time is bed time?

whenever jules feels like it, and farah will follow her lead

any routines/rituals before bed?

other than the typical going to bed things, no

who’s the grumpiest when they wake up?

farah probably

WORK.

who is the busiest?

both are pretty busy but since juliette has two jobs i guess she is a little bit more

who rakes in the highest income?

juliette probably?

are any of them unemployed?

UB gets paid right? so neither then? lol

who takes the most sick days?

juliette. her “bend the rules” stat is at 88%

what are their jobs?

detective and agent

who sucks up to their boss?

definitely not jules. farah might a LITTLE bit since rebecca is juliette’s mom but i think we know how that turns out lmao

who is more likely to turn up late to work?

despite juliette’s aversion for rule following she’s usually pretty puntcual at least, so im gonna say farah

who stresses the most?

im gonna say neither

do they enjoy or despise their careers/occupations?

farah loves hers for the most part, jules feels like hers is more of a chore but she does love interacting with people.

are they financially stable?

yes

HOME.

who does the washing?

farah. once again juliette isnt super messy per se, but she is a bit cluttered

who takes out the trash?

both

who does the ironing?

jules is pretty good about that

who does the cooking?

neither. they both try but they’re both disasters so they order out mostly (more than they should)

who is more likely to burn the house down just trying?

it’s about equal because again, they’re disasters

who is messier?

juliette

who leaves the toilet roll empty?

farah

who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor?

neither

[redacted] you are not going to miss this question.

who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere?

both

who answers the telephone?

juliette

who mows the lawn?

they dont have a lawn

who does the vacuuming?

probably jules

who does the groceries?

when they remember to do it, they like to go together

who takes the longest to shower?

jules

[redacted] you are not going to miss this question.

MISCELLANEOUS.

is money a problem?

no but farah does love buying stuff

how many cars do they own?

just one

what’s their song?

it changes but rn lucky by jason mraz fits them so well

do they live in the city or in the country?

juliette LOVES city life and farah thinks it would be fun too so they plan to move to the city one day

do they own their home or do they rent?

rented for now, for juliette anyway

do they enjoy their surroundings?

jules has a nostalgic fondness for wayhaven but again, really she’s itching to live in the city. farah likes it too but it’s a little too mellow for her liking sometimes

what do they do when they’re away from each other?

oh my god, theyre both clingy babies so they’ll be pouty and sad and constantly just text each other

where did they first meet?

juliette’s office

who spends the most money when out shopping?

probably farah

who’s more likely to flash their assets?

jules, but farah will too

any mental issues?

juliette definitely has ptsd after book one, and then its worsened after the trappers (she saved farah so she had to see sanja die)

who finds it amusing when the other trips over?

they both do lol

who’s terrified of bugs?

im thinking farah

who kills the spiders around the house?

juliette

do they have any fears for their future?

they’re both afraid of losing each other, mostly. juliette also worries a bit that maybe farah will get sick of her because she’s a “lot,” she was always told by past bfs/gfs that she was a handful or too wild or whatever so she worries she might scare farah off but when she voices that thought farah is very quick to very seriously assure her thats not going to happen

their favourite place?

the bar, also the forest to stargaze or picnic

who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner?

jules, but it’s definitely at a restaurant lol

who pays the bills?

definitely juliette

who’s the tallest?

jules is 5’9, farah is 5′4

who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other?

farah

who wanders around in their underwear?

jules

who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio?

both!! theyre both so goofy about it

what do they tease each other about?

pretty much everything, they’re bantering almost constantly

who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times?

neither of them are exactly fashion experts, so

who crushed first?

juliette

any alcohol or substance related problems?

no, jules enjoys drinking but she knows her limits

who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am?

jules

who swears the most?

both

[themagicalari]

For the ask thing you may or may not have reblogged yet: 001 Community 002 Ship DabiHawks 003 Character Kirishima

The last one took me forever because I’m scatter brained af rn, but let’s hope I do better with words this time!

Fucking community spoilers warning I guess.

001 community

Fave character- Abed, of course

Least fave character- I mean it’s Andre, Shirleys husband or ex husband depending on season. I know that they work past all the bullshit but I still haven’t gotten over that he was mad she missed the wedding rehearsal because she was trying to get her business started. And like especially since him leaving was the reason she was going back to school and trying to be financially independent. I just have a lot of feeling about Shirley.

Five fave ships- Jeff/Annie is number one (I’m over the age difference stuff I guess? But all in all I am happy they didn’t end up together), Troy/Annie, Britta/Annie, Annie/Abed (but I do prefer them as friends), and the Dean/a healthy relationship

Honestly didn’t realize I just ship Annie with everyone

Character I find most attractive- ok so this comes down to my giant crush on Paget Brewster but it’s gonna have to be Frankie

Character I would marry- gosh none of them are really stable enough for marriage right? But I could probably marry Annie or Frankie

Character I would be best friends with- Abed for sure, plus you get Troy as part of the deal

A random thought- after season 4 the “family” dynamic was strained by the replacement of pierce I think, and the whole show felt a lot darker than it had before. It lost some of the fun and optimism, there were plenty of good episodes in season 5 but still, the tone changed.

An unpopular opinion- I hate the way Pierce was sort of forgotten about, for a while he was growing with everyone else but then suddenly that stopped and was even reversed. I know there was a scandle with Chevy Chase, I don’t actually know what happened, but it sucks that it affected the writing so much.

Canon otp- Annie and Vaughn were really cute

Non-canon otp- Annie with anyone I guess lol

Most badass character- Annie once framed a man for the senseless destruction of a dvd that she broke. And she dominated in the second paintball episode.

Most epic villain- Chang took over the school with an army of children

Pairing I’m not a fan of- Troy and Abed, I’m not against the pairing I just really value their friendship.

Character I feel the writers screwed up- the last two seasons really didn’t focus on the characterization of Abed, he was really animated and emotional compared to other seasons.

Fave friendship- Troy and Abed

Character I most identify with- oh man it’s Britta, the more you get to know me the worse I get

Character I wish I could be- Jeff to an extent, I just want his powers of persuasion

002 Dabi/Hawks ooooh man

When I started shipping them- well before I actually met hawks in the manga, I saw a lot of shipping on my dash and was just down for it

My thoughts- I mean it’s a destructive relationship, but aus are super cutesy, there’s endless angst possibilities. There’s just so much potential and I love all of it.

What makes me happy about them- enemies to lovers is just my jam, and I love a conflicted hero

What makes me sad about them- just who they are as people, they’re both so damaged

Things done in fanfic that annoys me- removing Dabis scars, I mean like no quirk aus where they’re replaced with tattoos I don’t mind, but like just taking them away or *magically* healing them is the worst

Things I look for in fanfic- pining, angst or hard the opposite way like soulmate-y tooth rotting fluff

Wishlist- I mean given the sheer amount of potential with these two it really depends on the day

Who I’d be comfortable with them ending up with if not each other- hmmm for dabi idk, there’s pleanty of ships out there but not any I like as much I like him shipped with hero’s the best though, eraser maybe? As for hawks someone I follow really ships him with Natsuo and I love it

My happily ever after for them- they just runoff and forget their aspirations and become farmers together

003 Kirishima (my son!)

How I feel about this character- I just love him so much! He’s honestly like a comfort character and an inspiration for me. He has issues with insecurity and he fights through them, I wanna do that too.

Who I ship with him- Bakugou is the big one, but I could easily ship him with any one from 1a

Fave non-romantic ship- kiri and Mina! I love them as friends so much!

Unpopular opinion- do I have one? Are there any? I know unpopular doesn’t always mean negative but still

One thing I wish would happen- I mean, Bakugou could hold his hand again, I don’t want much, I’m a simple creature

Favorite friendship- I already mentioned Mina, I also love him a kaminari as friends, sero too, I mean the whole bakusquad really

Fave crossover ship- I’ve never really thought about but I guess I’m gonna ship him with Lonnie from She-ra because the last ask has my head full of she-ra love and he would be good for her

[sharphoe]

Interview As Your Character: David Carrigan

via @wordsnstuff – The idea of this game is to answer these 20 questions in character in order to develop aspects of your character that are difficult to flesh out in other ways. Have fun with it and be creative, but remember to stay in character. It’s a fun little writing/development/immersion exercise that really pays off. Enjoy!

1. How do you like to spend your free time?  I run, mostly. I like the time alone and it keeps me in something that almost resembles good shape. I also listen to music (who doesn’t, though?) and I also started trying my hand at photography recently. Can’t write or draw worth a damn, but Liam figured I could use a creative outlet.

2. What is your relationship with your immediate family members? Pass. 

...I can’t? 

Ugh, fine. I’m still trying to help my mom get past all the emotional abuse my now ex-dad heaped on her over the years. As for him? Fuck him. He burned that bridge all on his own, I don’t owe him shit. Next question. Please.

3. If you inherited a large sum of money, how would you approach handling it? How much money are we talking? However much it is, the only real answer I can give here is that I wouldn’t be stupid with it. I’ve seen firsthand how quickly you can piss it away if you aren’t careful. 4. Who are you closest to in your life? Hmmm. My best friends? My boyfriend? The man who saved my life? Depends on how you define that closeness. They’re all irreplaceable to me in their own ways,  5. What is your most painful memory? *Sigh*... Pretty sure I’ve never had it worse than when I was tricked, beaten, nearly murdered, beaten AGAIN, disowned, and driven to attempt suicide... all in the span of 24 hours. But, y’know, I could try to think of something else. 6. What is your happiest memory? Well, a lot of moments with Fred and Howie come to mind, but I think the week-long road trip we all took together is pretty high up there. Haven’t felt that free since, y'know? 7. Describe your experience in an education system, if any. Uh... I guess the thing that sticks out is when I was in middle school. Kids had finally reached the age where knowing that I was the son of someone slightly famous wasn’t just a neat bit of trivia. So of course people started to try to be my “friend” to get autographs or money out of it. This continued until his forced retirement... then suddenly those so-called friends were too busy to hang out or talk anymore. And people wonder why I have trust issues.

8. What is your biggest fear and why are you so afraid of it? Besides dying alone, obviously, my biggest fear is bees. Why?I was attacked by  a swarm of them as a kid. Someone thought it would be funny to throw a rock at a hive I was standing near, and the rest speaks for itself. Thank God I’m not allergic. 9. To what extent do you believe in hate? Not gonna lie, hate can be a powerful motivator. That drive to show some bully or smartass so-and-so who’s boss by showing them up and doing what they say you can’t? It has its uses, as long as you aren’t consumed by it. 10. To what extent do you believe in love? You’re gonna have to excuse for getting sappy here, but... love is what saved me when I needed it most. And not even romantic love, but the platonic love one man could have for almost everyone he meets. Even when they yell at him, doubt him to his face, and generally act like an inconsolable shithead... sigh. I owe Peter everything for not giving up on me. His love opened my eyes.

11. What is the number one personal rule you have for yourself? “Trust, but verify.” 12. If you saw a picture of yourself, what is the first place you would look? First thing I’d look at (besides my big nose) is what I was wearing that day. 13. How would you describe yourself? I’d say that I’m the kind of guy who would like to be more chill than he actually is. Life just doesn’t really give me the chance. I just want to be left alone to do the things I like doing in peace. Really though, don’t start shit for no reason and I can generally say I’d be cool with you. 14. How would others describe you? “Moody”, “antisocial”, “hard to read”, “unapproachable”, I’ve even gotten “emo” once or twice. Of course, that was only after the money dried up. 15. What do you believe is your greatest weakness? Probably that I have issues with positive thinking. I keep my enthusiasm curbed and my expectations low - cautiously pessimistic, you could say. ...I’m working on it.

16. What do you believe is your greatest strength? You can almost always count on me to give it to you straight... intentionally or not. I don’t like to lie, and not just because I’m bad at it. You can be pretty sure that if I tell you something, I mean it, and that kind of honesty can be hard to come by. 17. What makes you get out of bed everyday? The fact that I got a new lease on life, and I’m not about to waste it. No matter how bad a day could be, I just remember that I might not have had the chance to see it.

18. What is the major challenge you face every single day? I dunno, finding my path for the future, I guess. Just because I have the rest of my life to live doesn’t mean I suddenly know what I want to do with it. So I’m... just gonna do my best. And I’ll see what I can do about helping others out along the way. 19. If you could give a message to your younger self, what would it be? “Things are going to break down for you, hard and fast. You’re gonna want to give up and let it all fall apart around you.

Don’t.”

20. What is it that you want most? Honestly, I don’t really know what I “want” most. I have my (relative) health, my friends, my boyfriend, and a fresh start. I’m content. And I think I just want to give that some time to sink in.

[drybonesawaken]

A group of people wanted to share a journal together. So this week, I've been journaling (almost) every day, and tomorrow I'm gonna be passing it onto the next person.

It was kinda fun. Bit scary to put my thoughts out there - but not that bad tbh. I figured since I am not gonna keep the journal I should transcribe my thoughts somewhere, so here they are.

Yes, the math bits were included in the journal when I wrote. Just something fun I did. You can try to figure out if it means anything if you want :)

-

Maple 3.27.21

I don't like journaling .-. mah handwriting sucks, and pen ink takes too long to dry. Apologies If any of this page is smudged as a result ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ And no, Maple does not use anything but pen. When mistakes are made, and trust they will definitely be made, you see a lot of bleh <- that. I also missed like three words in the previous sentence, but it's messy to try to go back and put them in :( this is the consequence of writing when brain is running at negative mph... This may be two paragraphs of nothing, but honestly that's how my day goes, usually. Right now I'm listening to this audiobook to fill up my brain and stop it from thinking. It's quite interesting. I read the book back in middle school, and it's taking me on a trip down memory lane. I was listening to this earlier while playing tetris, too. I'm joining a tetris tournament tomorrow, so I've been grinding this week. Hopefully it goes well! It's funny how I spend so much time playing this game which means so little - but somehow, I find fulfillment in the emptiness that it brings me. Breaking personal records is such a meaningless ordeal, but somehow it's something I strive so hard to do. These days, PBs come once every couple of months. It's not worth it.

-

Maple 3.28.21

Today felt like I did everything and nothing all at the same time. I found out I don't like tetris tournaments. I hung out with some friends. I ate a big dinner. I made some choices I highkey regretted, yet couldn't stop myself from making in the moment. I spent some time sulking over said mistakes by cuddling with roommate. Very thankful for him - I definitely make him so uncomfortable LOL but he puts up with it because he knows touch is my love language. I was debating for awhile today over what I should eat for dinner (or breakfast or lunch or whatever you want to call it :') ) and I realized what I wanted to eat most was my own cooking. Unfortunately, I wasn't feeling like cooking, so I had to settle for something else, but this was kind of a wake up call: when's the last time I cooked for myself? hmmm... It's also at the same time pretty cool because less than a year ago, I was still at a place where I strongly disliked my cooking and only ate it because I had to. Crazy how things can change in just a year - my culinary skills must have improved a lot over last summer... I really need to get my car tires fixed tomorrow. I have time tomorrow. I had better go. If I don't, my car is gonna break.

How does one stop beating themselves up for their mistakes? I don't struggle with forgiveness, but oh how I struggle with forgiving myself...

1 + 2 = 4 = 2

-

Maple 3.30.21

Yesterday, we had to record something for Easter that took forever. It was not fun. I kept messing up. And my perfectionist self kept blabbering about wanting to redo certain things. Everyone was tired - it went so long - some people had exams; I can only imagine how annoying it must have been to hear me complaining about doing things again, and yet - and I hate myself for this - I couldn't help but keep bringing it up. Of course, being unsatisfied with the way I played, I volunteered to patch things up in post production. *sigh*, what a mistake that ended up being. Afterwards, I was tired and wanted to go home. Yet, because someone asked, and I guess I was a bit hungry, I decided to go get food with Junshik and Bryan. My ulterior motive was to talk to Bryan about buying cars, so I guess that worked out. But yikes, I only got 7 hours of sleep last night. - Today sucked. I'm realizing more and more that part of depression is the complete dependence on sleep. When I get not enough sleep, I'm not just fatigued: my life is just hell. I straight up no-showed to a meeting and apologized for it 8 hours after the fact (my excuse was that I feel asleep. Wow, something so embarrassing most people would find an excuse for it has now become my go to excuse. Rip). Went to a meetup because I didn't want to cancel - again - so that was fun (sorry if you're reading this. I lied when I said that I was ok :/). Life group was great I wanted to die but I was leading worship so I couldn't just leave. And oh yeah I just spent the last 4 hours after life group mixing that audio clip because stupid ol' me volunteered to do it asap yesterday. Tomorrow will be fun. I have 7 meetings/meetups from 9am to 8pm. I wonder how many I'll cancel last minute, or straight up skip...? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I hate ______.

-

Maple 3.31.21

9am to 8pm today was rough. It's kinda crazy - when I wake up, I knew it wasn't gonna be a good day...but I really needed it to be at least an okay day. And I think I somehow willed that into existence :O I need to try this again sometime. Didn't cancel or skip a single thing today! (Praise God!!!) After my meetings all ended, I had to tutor for another 3 hours until 11:30, too. That was draining. I also pranked a friend today - told her I was dating right after midnight. Oh I love April Fools. She's the only one I can consistently troll year after year. I also spent a considerable amount of time after midnight trying to figure out how to script Audacity in Python. Useless, sure, but it could save us sound people a couple of minutes every Sunday if I figure it out. This is what my degree is for :') Sleep is going to feel so good tonight.

5 + 4 - 7 = 2 + 1 11 + 1 + 1 - 1 = 6 4 + 2 = 3 5 = 2 + 2 - 3 5 = 4 - 1 - 2

-

Maple 4.2.21

I think my handwriting is getting better with this almost-daily practice =) This whole week has been busy-ness from when I wake up to when I go to bed. Hung out with people yesterday for the first time this week, and it was pretty tiring. I can't say I regret it though; I had a lot of fun and learned a lot about certain people. Recently, I've been noticing that people can tell when I'm tired a lot more obviously - someone on worship team who I only interact with on Sundays literally called me out for it. I'm finding that it just sort of slips onto my face, in such a way that I don't notice and can't even recognize it: I'm shocked every time it happens. Maybe it's because I've lost the will to live, so the lack of will to hide it came alongside as well. I accidentally let it slip that I've been brain empty to worship team today, and now there are even more people worried for me, some of whom I barely know. I'm such a burden :( Brain empty is honestly such a mood though. I have too many problems and not enough will to confront them. Better to just avoid. Yeah yeah yeah this is not healthy I know. I'll save doing things the healthy way for tomorrow :')

1 + 1 = 4 + 3 + 2 + 1 8 = 7 6 - 5 = 10 + 1 1 + 2 = 1 - 1

-

Maple 4.3.21

Today was supposed to be a more chill day, but it really wasn't... Forced myself to get out of bed for a meetup rather than cancel it. I think if I had cancelled it, everything else I had to do today would have followed suit shortly after.... It ended up being a 2-hour meetup, straight into 2.5 hours of tutoring. As much as they might have been pretty ok tbh, I can't say I enjoyed it. I was so dead afterwards. I wanted to cancel my dinner meetup so bad. But I had already gone shopping earlier today (during the first meetup) so that I could cook for him. And I knew if I cancelled it'd be another week before I'd have a chance. The food would have gone bad. So following 2 tilt-inducing matches of tetris which were supposed to be stress relieving (they were not), commenced 2 hours of cooking, followed by a 3.5 hr meetup. It was... haha... Did I enjoy it? Yup. Did I have a hella-thick mask on the whole time? Also yup. I'm so ready for a long hot shower and an early bedtime. Tomorrow is Easter. I'm not feeling very victorious...

1 + 2 = 4 - 1 1 + 1 - 1 + 1 = 1 1 + 2 + 3 - 4 = 4 - 1 - 2 + 1

[jlmckee13]

Busy bees all around and running out of gas

Holy moly rounding out the rest of the week at #MommySchool was a peek into the challenges ahead.  Working from home was introduced during the latter part of the week in addition to the need to homeschool/occupy and I found myself running out of gas.

Before I give you a glimpse into how Thursday and Friday went for our institution of higher learning and inspiration, I have decided to give you some ideas on how to keep yourself- the adult in the household- busy.

Merriam-Webster breaks down the definition of “busy” into multiple perspectives, I, however, will focus plainly on: 

1.) adj. engaged in action: occupied

I found myself diving into the whole teacher school-thing and thinking to myself while he was working... “Hey! What about me!?! What should I do?” (I also have the added hiccup of a visitation to his father’s house this weekend. My nerves are all around so staying “occupied” was essential). 

SO why not fully dive into landscaping to pass the time?!? Completely straighten the playroom and organize all matchbox cars appropriately. (Am I going insane already?!)

Here are some takeaways from MY Week #1

**Disclaimer- This is in NO WAY the right thing to do to occupy yourself. I just found this naturally occurring**

O- ORDER-- “Let’s see what Amazon can help with.” “Hmmm... Target delivers groceries?!?” “I really don’t want to leave the house.” “We are supposed to be trying to keep the economy clicking right?” “OMG He read that book so fast!” “Gonna need another one.” “RIGHT?!?”

C- CLEAN-- “No better time than now to make sure all our condiments haven’t expired in the fridge.” “Hhmmm... looks like there was a spill on the one shelf.” “You know what... time to disassemble and disinfect the entire thing.” “HOW’S YOUR MATH COMING?!?”

C- COOK-- Survival mode at it’s fullest. “If I made homemade waffles, I can freeze the leftovers...” “Soups are your friend.” “Carbs make everyone happy.” “Oh god, gym class needs to step it up a notch with those cookies we just made.”

U- UNITE-- One of the best moments of my week was when we touched base with the outside world. Zoom is a miracle worker. ClassTag is keeping the kids together. Oh and that life saving thing called FaceTime will keep the world sane. I had a co-worker “happy hour” which was THE MOST therapeutic adult activity I could have ever had. I had two work related calls which just made me feel normal again for a few hours- which also led to more things to keep me “occupied” - WIN! And when all else failed with #MommySchool we Facetimed with our friends... you know... heard actual voices... saw actual faces- a wonder drug!

P- PREP-- Everything from more #mommyschool ideas, listing how to possibly start throwing work into the mix next week, food for the next meal, writing out what type of items should be my top ten to get through this. I fell into these rabbit holes... DON’T DO IT if you can’t handle the sheer thoughts.... Click at your own risk. ... Are you sure?!  and I’m Sorry!

I- INSPIRE-- So, I kid around a lot. I am a bit of a sarcastic mess but at the end of the day my heart is big. I don’t toot my own horn- ever- I just try and do what I do and move on. That being said, even writing this portion is hard for me... but I think it is important to try and inspire others around you- some how. No matter how big or small- don’t gloat and try and one up, but just do what you do and be proud of it. A big part of this- what you are reading- is my way of trying to keep us all hopeful and get out of this- together. Inspire with ideas, suggestions, actions and words of wisdom. We all have them and it’s time for us all to shine.

E- EDUCATE-- I think one of my more current... or past-life... concerns for myself has been my inability to learn something new- Well no better time than the present. Pick up a book. Download a book. Read or listen to the news (I can not promise this will make you feel smarter). Find a Podcast of your choice and simply try to just get better at being you.    

D- DDDRRRRRRIII....... You know, you guys- NO! That was not what I was going to say! DRIVE was my last word....:::sigh:::... geez. I think this is all a very sobering time for all of us no matter what we do. With that, trying to stay driven- keep motivated and understand the bigger picture in all of this is essential. Often this week, despite my lofty goals to be this force for my son that kept him in line and on task I wanted to sleep in. I wanted to say- ehhh it is definitely gloomy out we should just stay in- I stopped and remembered what my driving force was. Week 2 is quickly approaching. I have a million things to get better at this upcoming week and the only thing that will allow me to do that is managing myself and my will to get through this stronger. I thought this was a good list to start with to help develop a motivation strategy. I think we can all agree the end goal is to get through this without losing our minds, but you may have other personal goals you want to succeed at while you have the time and focus- so I thought I would share.

SOOO How did the week end out at #MommySchool...?

DAY #4

Not my finest moments. I was definitely tired and had some work phone calls bring this deserted island back to reality for a bit.  Luckily, my son is a rockstar and gave me the time I needed to get my things done and we had the added bonus of some video touch bases from his class to brighten the day up. This was very much a Wingin it Thursday.  Yoga from the day before was a hit so it stayed apart of our day- and today’s project was to start his own comic book series. Pot of Lentils for the win! Got some scooter action in when we were able to get outside.

GYM CLASS: The kid wanted to run. So we ran parking spots. Jogs, sprints. Forward. Backward. Not sure it will be requested again.

DAY #5

FINAL PUSH for the week!

I found out the day before that we would not be receiving assignments from the teacher for this day because it was a previously scheduled Pro. Dev. Day. So - can you believe it... I had to figure out the entire day with no help! I know!!

SO I made a final push. This day would be dubbed Fiesta/Fitness/Freaky Friday. (It evolved from a single focus fluidly). This was the hardest day yet emotionally but we regrouped after lunch. (Is it possible to do too much? Yup!)

The day had a ton of Latino/Fiesta Music playing all day.  Lunch was Mexican related- quesadillas and chips and salsa. We made a pinata out of a box and glue and construction paper. Nothing fancy- but fun. We made a luchador mask, as my son loves the movie Nacho Libre. 

Freaky-related: It was super foggy when we woke up so we rushed out of the house to walk the neighborhood in it.  Then my son wanted to wear his stuff backwards on our real walk to school after breakfast.

Fitness-related: We had some Gym class videos to catch up on for the week. Man it got sweaty! (It was also a weird 75 degrees outside). Yoga, PE videos and then he created a new game outside. “Kickball 2″.

Kickball 2 Needs: One soccer ball, one baseball tee (or something to prop ball on) try and kick ball to or over the fence. Hits the fence= 1 point, over the fence = anywhere from 3points and up depending on how impressed he is.  Goal is to be the first person to 10 points ( or more if you like).

Just for the record... I do always try to make these short and sweet. I’ll work on that for next week.  Good luck and stay healthy and OCCUPIED out there! 😉

[meepface]

 i don’t want to even think about the mountain of things i am supposed to get done tonight for my classes tomorrow

1: is there a boy/girl in your life? 

yessss

2: think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them? 

yeah, i do. i’m trying to forgive more  

3: what do you think of when you hear the word “meow?” 

a cat

4: what’s something you really want right now? 

a glass of wine bc i feel tense and nervous and sad and wine makes me calm n sleepy

5: are you afraid of falling in love? 

i definitely was at one point. still am juuuust a lil. being vulnerable with someone is so scary and letting someone really get to know all of you and giving them the power to hurt you is so terrifying to me lmao but i trust that my gf is gonna be gentle with me

6: do you like the beach? 

nah i am terrified of the ocean and i just don’t see the appeal

7: have you ever slept on a couch with someone else? 

yes

8: what’s the background on your cell? 

my lock screen is a cute picture of childish gambino and my home screen is my girlfriend at a carnival we went to

9: name the last four beds you were sat on? 

??? mine, my brother’s, my parent’s and my friend Kate’s

10: honestly, are things going the way you planned? 

not really but not all of it is bad

11: who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts? 

a boy i made friends with in spanish!!! 

12: which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain? 

emotional for sure

13: would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum? 

the zoo if it’s not really hot outside but i like em both

14: are you tired? 

yes a little but not enough to go to sleep lmao i was so tired today and i passed tf out while i was with my gf today and i haven’t been tired since. i might drink some wine so i can fuckin calm down and sleep though

15: how long have you known your 1st phone contact? 

lmfaooo since like 6th grade i think. he was my first “boyfriend” and now he works at whataburger so i see him every once in a while and he always says hi and is excited to see me. he’s a nice dude but i’m probably gay lmao so

16: would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes? 

noooooo all my exes are ugleeeee and gross and have bad personalities

17: if you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? 

no it is way too early i do not feel ready for Marriage Level Commitment yet

18: how many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? 

none

19: is there a certain quote you live by? 

“be kinder and gentler, thank you” and lately: “sometimes people let the same problem make them miserable for years when they could just say, so what. that’s one of my favorite things to say. so what.”

20: what’s on your mind? 

i am: Sad a lil bit and i wanna talk to someone bc i am lonely as hell. also my brother managed to get a free ticket to harry styles tomorrow from his friend and i’m salty as all hell bc he knows like!!!!!!! two songs

21: do you have any tattoos? 

a sun and moon on my wrists and “lovely” on my left bicep

22: next time you will kiss someone on the lips? 

tomorrow !!!

23: who are you texting? 

i was texting my friend Kate a little bit but now nobody 

24: have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right? 

yeppp

25: do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? 

yeet my good pal Joe and also my friend Brendon (except we haven’t talked in forever and i miss him a lot he was my besssttt friend for sooo long and now he lives in fucking Alaska lmao anyway) and also my brother

26: do you think anyone has feelings for you? 

yes

27: has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes? 

i get told that fairly often actually

28: were you single on valentines day?

nope

29: has anyone upset you in the last week? 

yes

30: have you ever cried over a text? 

oh yeah plenty

31: where’s your last bruise located? 

my ankle bc i had a really bad spider bite and it turned into a bruise lmfao i probably should’ve gotten that checked out bc it was making me sick but it’s gone now so it’s chill

32: last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad? 

hmmm probably that one day at work last week where i was Crying in front of customers lmao but also today when my dad was being a dick to my mom and i was awkwardly standing in the kitchen with them

33: who was the last person you were on the phone with? 

my mom!!! i called her bc there were two dogs just runnin around on the side of the busy highway and i was scared they were gonna get hit but i was already late to work so i couldn’t stop and save em so i was calling my mom to see if she could go save em or at least post somewhere about them

34: do you wear hats if you’re having a bad hair day? 

yaaa i love hats

35: would you ever go bald if it was the style? 

no i don’t have the face for that

36: do you make supper for your family? 

not really but sometimes i make everyone dessert bc that’s all i’m somewhat good at

37: does your bedroom have a door? 

yeah thank god

38: does anything on your body hurt? 

my head and my throat and my stomach and also like .... my soul u know

39: are goodbyes hard for you? 

depends

40: how is your hair? 

not cooperative 

41: do you wish you were somewhere else right now? 

no i am content with being alone in my room right now

42: is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? 

i have plenty of people who make me smile

43: what was your last thought before you went to bed last night? 

i was so exhausted yesterday and that was making me emotional as fuck and i was telling my girlfriend how much i love her and started crying so many happy tears and i was just thinking about how i needed to go the fuck to sleep before i kept Embarrassing myself but also that i love my gf a lot

44: have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? 

oh all the mcfuckin’ time!!! i cry a lot

45: how old will you be in 5 months? 

20 but make it 6 months and i’ll be 21!!!!! 

46: where is your mum right now? 

she’s in the office probably emailing people

47: have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? 

yessss

48: how many people have you liked in the past three months? 

one

49: has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days? 

yes

50: will you talk to the person you like tonight? 

i hope so

51: if your bf/gf was into drugs would you care?

i mean as long as it was like, somethin not really bad then no i wouldn’t care but my gf doesn’t like that kinda stuff 

52: who was your last received call from? 

my brother asking me if i could pick him up from school today and his phone was dying and to please answer asap or he’d have to ride the bus and i was literally taking a nap w my girlfriend when he sent that and i saw it and was gonna respond but i just sorta fell asleep again lmao and i responded ten minutes later saying i could go get him but his phone had died and he was already on the bus so i felt bad

53: have you ever trusted someone too much? 

yeah lol 

54: do you get along with girls? 

yes!!! i love girls

55: are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? 

i don’t think so???

56: everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you? 

yes :)))

[punkwhodrinkstea-blog]

Addicted to Solitude (+Rant)

Hello web surfers, It’s been awhile since my last post so let me just start with a quick update. E3 has been a joy to watch though a bit underwhelming in regards to new games but the Virtual reality games are coming in nicely. Xbox is adding backwards compatibility to the Xbox One for the original Xbox which is awesome. Nintendo surprised me with a few good games unlike the past 9 years where the only good games are Zelda or… nope that’s pretty much it. The new Assassins Creed Origins, Battlefront 2, Far Cry 5, Project Cars 2 and LIFE IS STRANGE season 2! Are on my watch list. I am doing my best to not buy any games but depending on how many hours I work over the summer, I just may cave in get one or two. A game that really saddened me was “The Crew 2”. I was a huge fan of the first game and I was so excited for a second one and I thought for sure it was going to be a ‘must buy’ for me but they seemed to have taken the game into a new direction. Instead of building on street racing and the social side of co-op and PvP racing, they added boat racing, plane racing and dirt bikes. Now dirt bikes I’m cool with but seriously, who wants to race a boat or a plane? Anyway I’ve gotta stop going on about gaming… it’s just so awesome. Anyway my depression has been numbed I guess, I can still feel it and I’m sure it’ll strike and haunt me anytime but with all the excitement  of E3 along with busy school stuff right now a few other fun plans, there hasn’t been much time for me to stop and hate myself. Except now I’m thinking about it… hmmm let’s move on. The last update is about how I came across more evidence to support the theory that my parents and siblings are a major contributor in my depression. I got into a few different fights with my parents and/or siblings, within a span of 4 days. The results were me wanting to cut myself and the only thing that stopped me was that my girlfriend wouldn’t want me too. It does make for a great coping method but it’s not healthy. Next is my sister she’s a special type of evil, she’s was around this past weekend and dang I would need to dedicate an entire post towards how evil, mean, judgmental, degrading and toxic she is. The worst part is that she has everyone fooled, she acts so nice and perfect and socially acceptable and complies with all social norms when people are watching but around the house she rips on me like it’s her day job. Also she does it right in front of my parents too and they say nothing! Actually they are more likely to join her, they’ve done that several times. No wonder I feel worthless and hate myself, everyone who says they love me (lies) rips me down and tears me apart. I don’t feel socially, emotionally or mentally safe here. I’m at the point where before I open my mouth I ask myself “is this 100% required to be said” and if the answer is no then I say nothing. If I word something imperfectly I will get a lecture and be told I suck at socializing or I suck at English. If I spill a glass of water then I’m clumsy and uncoordinated. If I ask for the car to see my girlfriend (which is less than once a week) then I’m selfish and entitled. If I eat some food which is expensive (basically any fruit or meat) then I’m hogging all the good food. If any sound comes from my room: music, game sounds, loud laughter then I am inconsiderate of my sister who is watching netflix or listening to music in her room adjacent to mine (but it’s ok to hear hers because my parents like her genre of music). If I use the bathroom and someone else needs it then I am inconsiderate but if I need to use the bathroom and someone else is using it then I need to either plan better or wait my turn. (waiting my turn is fine, as should everyone, but this double standard really gets to me). I have a brother too but he moved out… but he may be moving back in once we move to our new house, I guess I’m just gonna live in a certain stage of hell because he’s no better. My parents and my siblings just beat up on me at every chance they get and call it “constructive criticism” which some times it can be but 99% of the time it’s just straight up bullying and there’s nothing I can do about it. I mean what can I do when my parents, the people with all the power and authority don’t even see how unjust everything is. I can’t wait to move out. Heck if I could move in with my girlfriend and her family I would. There’s just several problems with that… it’s a bummer. Anyway this kinda turned into a rant. Let’s move onto the other thing I noticed.

 So folks, I noticed that I’m addicted to solitude and after reading the paragraph above you can imagine why. I go through great efforts to avoid my family and most people. I was at a church meeting and a work meeting this week and both times I sit in the far back corner and do my best to look unfriendly (not mean just not socially friendly) so that no one will sit next to me, or near me. It works well and when I get home I go to my room with a headset on. I am almost always alone in silence. Writing, reading, working on art or gaming which has sound. I sometimes listen to music but I am trying to cut it out so I am not too over stimulated. I found that over stimulation and especially loud environments and sounds encourage my depression to kick in and make me suffer more and more so I’ve cut back on music. I no longer even care to try and be social. I just crave to get back to my room and disappear. The only time I’m happy and free to leave is when I’m going to see my girlfriend, she really has become the closest person I have to family and so has her family, though I’m not totally sure where I stand with her dad but I’m not sure if I am free to go into details nor do I want to. I really savor my peaceful, quiet, alone time when I’m at home because at any moment my brother could walk through the door; “hey big guy” or hey little buddy, I’m here to tell you that you’re wasting your life, I mean I don’t know anything about you but you like videogames and I’m perfect so I can tell you that you’re a waste”. Or my sister could be home and tell me to shut up, yeah she straight up tells me to shut up if I say something that she simply doesn’t want to hear; because obviously she has total control over everything or if I use a plate or cup I am basically crucified for it because that’s an extra dish which needs to be washed like big whoop it’s a freak’n cup! I could go on and on about this but I’m gonna try and stop now. Anyway about solitude. I read somewhere that solitude actually can be addicting, however I have a feeling it’s not any different from other things that seem to be addicting. For example alcohol is not addictive in itself but avoiding your problems or temporarily forgetting your problems by using alcohol can make the use of alcohol addictive. Now you only become addicted alcohol because you are trying hard to avoid or forget your problems. I am using excessive solitude for that same reason, though my problem is the environment made by my parents and siblings actions, words and overall mindset towards me. It really sucks living somewhere where no one knows you. My parents didn’t know I liked to write until I told them, they still thought I liked playing Call of Duty when I haven’t played Call of Duty since 2013 (4 years ago!), they still think I’m violent even though I haven’t got in a real fist fight since elementary school (over 7 years ago). The only thing they know about me is that I love chicken fingers… who doesn’t? They’re the best. Anyway I don’t have much more to add about my love/addiction for being alone since it’s pretty simple to understand and I think I’ve done enough ranting for one night.

 So I end things off, I thought I should mention that I am still working on my book, I’ve just been super busy with school, E3 gaming stuff and a few other life events the past week or two. Also  I realized recently how lucky I am that I never got addicted to cutting, I may have my girlfriend to thank for that… but it feels so good… no wait what! No. Never mind. I should go, I’m gonna go eat chicken fingers now for a 3am DESERT! : )    Good night everyone and sorry for being so ranty… actually never mind this is my blog, I can rant as much as I want. Peace out!      

[opepin]

march: week 4

20: lots of cramping and gas going on lol. well, i rushed in the morning because i stayed in bed 10 minutes after my alarm rang. then the red line had some delays, but i still got to work before 9:30 am, ahah. it was a pretty chill day in the office. i ate lunch at my desk because i had a call when everyone else was eating :< craii. i ordered daniel’s bday present and also managed to print out the amazon return label. i kind of lost fuel one hour before the day ended because of my stomach and cramps, but it’s okay! it happens, haha. i got home at like 5:30 pm and then snacked a bit before doing my 45 minute cardio workout. then i made rice and headed upstairs to shower. i had to bring all of my shower and skin care stuff to the bathroom x__x; it was a nice shower though because the shower head is 2x as strong as ours for some reason. hopefully, that gets fixed too.

kevin got back and we went ot bj’s to pick up croissants. he really wanted them. we devoured two on the way back and then he went to shower while i prepped the veggies. LOL and then i made a mistake where i threw out the white ends of the chives when i wasn’t supposed to and then i took them out of the garbage (was pretty clean) and washed them like 30x times. i was going to lie to kevin about them but then i broke down and told him what happened and he couldn’t stop laughing at me. if baby brain exists does period brain exist too? LOL. kevin finished cooking and then we ate and watched an episode of ‘how to get away with murder.’ then kevin washed the dishes and we headed up to brush our teeth. kevin gamed for the rest of the night and i laid in bed nursing another tension headache until i fell asleep at like 1 am.

21: i woke up with the tension in my neck and shoulder and our shower was still getting fixed so i worked from home. we woke up to the maintenance guys’ knock on the door and they said they would come back in an hour or so because we were still in bed. so then we slept for 30 minutes more and then went upstairs to brush our teeth. the wifi in the suite still didn’t work so kevin sent me the information while he commuted to work. we ate breakfast and then stopped by the front to sign a card and drop off some money for our maintenance and cleaning staff appreciation thingy. then i headed upstairs and changed and brought my stuff to the suite to work. i recorded some videos and then caught up with phil. i got the ‘ok’ to start implementing some of my changes. i’m so excited! then i ate lunch and looked at headsets. i realized that kien and haowei are getting pro gamer headsets LOL. cole suggested the arctis 5 and i might get it. we’ll see.

i went back down to the apartment and finished editing videos and ended my day with a call. then i washed dishes, put on rice, snacked on a croissant, and did an hour workout focusing on obliques. kevin came home a bit later than expected because he was working on a problem. i went to shower while kevin cooked dinner. he got really dried out and tired while cooking so he went to shower after cooking while i watched ‘reign’ and tried catching a good tapu koko. i’m hoping to catch a tapu every other time i game LOL. i didn’t catch one at the end of the day though. we ate and watched two? episodes of ‘how to get away with murder’ and then kevin washed dishes and then we brushed our teeth together upstairs. i finished watching ‘reign’ in bed and then went to sleep at 1:15 am? kevin stayed up debating stock market things or something ahah.

22: i actually didn’t need to rush in the morning. i got dressed before brushing my teeth because i had to go upstairs to the suite to brush my teeth and then ate breakfast and i was on the train at 8:34 am! i met sultan for the first time in person and met our new front end dev, joe today. it was a really quiet office -- only the marketing team and product team were in the office. it was a productive morning. i ordered the arctis 7 in white for my headset for work and then i worked on tutorials. everyone online was busy so i just worked and listened to music. the day went by pretty quickly. we scrambled at the end of the day because of an issue that we really needed to solve together. it was fun doing that and figuring it out. i left at like 5:15 pm after cleaning up things with phil for the client and then i met kevin at the train station :) he made it just in time to get on the train!

i told him about my day and when we got back, i watched ‘jane the virgin’ while trying to catch a good tapu koko. i was close twice but one wasn’t timid nature and the other didn’t have perfect speed :< my hand was cramping so i quit and i cleaned up the bathroom. kevin made stir fry potato slivers and braised chicken with mushrooms for dinner. mmm. the potatoes were hella spicy but when we put more salt, it tasted better. we watched 3 episodes? of ‘how to get away with murder.’ there’s so much sex this season .__. LOL but we’re getting to the good part now. we stopped so i could exercise. oh, our water pressure for the shower is perfect now! it’s waay stronger. kevin took a nice long shower and after my workout, i cleaned the kitchen. i got irritated at kevin for not vacuuming when i asked him to and when he did it, it was half-heartedly. :/ but he cooked today and he just showered so i just re-vacuumed spots and swiffered the floors before showering. i was still a bit irritated but it was dumb to get mad at him for it. so i waited for him to finish up gaming and then went to sleep when he did :)

23: i almost forgot my lunch today but i went back and got on the later train because the train just left as i got on the platform ;( i shared the weird tasting totaste green tea biscuits in the office and steve’s reaction was the best. everyone else said it was alright. diego surprised me and said it tasted like olive oil and he wasn’t disgusted at all. hmmm. oh, diego came into the office without me bothering him to come in :P yay! i was pretty productive today. i had a few long meetings, but it was alright. i ended my day with a meeting that kind of went over in time so i had to jump off, pack up, and then go to the chocolate shop with cole. i got chocolate covered gummy bears and dark chocolate peanut butter cups. cole bought the gummy bears for me because of all the snacks i’ve given him -- thanks bro! T^T i made it to south station 2 minutes later than kevin -- i broke my winning streak ;( ahaha.

we got home and played pokemon and cuddled and watched tv while the rice cooked. we made super easy omurice and then continued watching tv and gaming. mmm. it felt like a friday. we stopped at around 11 pm, kevin washed the dishes, and i did 30 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of back workout (15 minutes with dumb bells). idk if it’s gonna work because maybe the weights are too light? we’ll see. then i showered and ko’d in bed. mm i wish it was friday, but i’m also working from home tomorrow so nbd! i also caught a pretty good tapu koko! tapu lele is so hard to catch T^T my next challenge... p.s. i love talking and hanging out with everyone at t7. everyone is great and so funny. i’m so grateful.

24: my upper back was in so much pain when i woke up, ahha. kevin got up later than usual because i was still in bed (wfh). :) i got myself up eventually and then made breakfast and recorded videos. i also weighed myself in the morning and i don’t talk about this a lot but i’m so happy and proud of myself for pushing myself physically and getting to my body/health goals, BUT this morning i was 117/118 lbs and 19.7% body fat. yaaaasssss! my “previous goals” were to lose all the weight i gained (i was at like 130 lbs last year), and then get to 20% body fat. my now goal is to maintain this body fat or if i’m feeling bored, go further without changing my diet so it’s solely dependent on how hard i work out. it feels so good to eat whatever i want and stop when i know it’s too much and then work it off and get stronger. i’ve stopped being so dependent on calorie counting and just knowing what foods and portion sizes are good for me. i think i’m pretty close to having a good understanding of how much i should eat everyday and what it will do to my body. i’m getting there and i’m always learning about myself and about food of course ;D

anyway, then i ate lunch and ate some chocolate. mmm these dark chocolate peanut butter cups are the best. i talked to cole and dropped some food knowledge while he had some down time haha. phil told me to take the day easy after 3 pm because sultan and byron had off time today. so that’s what i did! i recorded 5 videos (record!) and then spent a good amount of time uploading pictures on facebook. i took a day off from exercising because my upper back was killing me. instead, i played pokemon for the rest of the day with kevin. we cuddled on the couch while watching tv and playing pokemon the rest of the night. we didn’t even cook dinner because kevin had happy hour and ate sliders and wings so i just baked some chicken nuggets. we took a break to shower and then play some more in bed and then went to sleep pretty late...like at 3:30 am or something...LOL

25: kevin woke up earlier than me and made breakfast. by “earlier” i mean like he woke up at 11 am and i got up at 1 pm LOL. it was a cloudy day so i didn’t feel like recording my 2min showcase... i skipped the meal because i felt full and we went to the movies to get tickets to see ‘logan.’ the 7:20 pm time was totally booked and same with ‘get out’ so we got tickets for ‘logan’ tomorrow at 7:20 pm. :) then we drove over to ‘oh my tea’ and i got the pudding, grass jelly, and boba milk tea drink (this is my second favorite drink there, especially for like a dessert kind of day) and kevin got the strawberry lemonade. i didn’t like his drink. Dx we devoured our drinks before we even got back home. well, kevin finished as we walked into the apartment... kevin tried making general tso’s chicken...it was a spicy af half failure -- tasted too salty and not sweet enough. the spice was too much as well...

while kevin did this, i nluu proofed our kitchen (haha i really enjoyed doing this). then i washed the fleece blankets. we ate, watched some tv, and then kevin left to go climb. i finished getting all of the pokemon in moon though!!! i just need kevin’s kartana -__-” so then i switched over to finally playing ‘bravely default.’ daniel got this game for me for my birthday like forever ago. it was hard getting into it but now i’m hooked. i watched ‘reign’ while playing this and then when kevin got back, we had a quick dinner and tv session and then i continued gaming. i stopped myself at 10 pm to do the intense 60 minute kickboxing video i found a week ago and then showered and continued gaming in bed until 3:30 am again LOL. omg, that work out killed me and reminded me that rest days should be light workout days and not “i’m not going to move anywhere for the whole day” days... the circulation in my legs and arms made me scratch everywhere and it was not pleasant but the work out felt good.

26: we woke up at 12 pm, kevin played pokemon and i played bravely default in bed until 1 pm, kevin made us breakfast, and i recorded my 2min showcase video. i hope it doesn’t turn out too bad? i don’t feel real motivated this week, but i’ll do my best to keep on schedule. then i did some internet errands, figured out our meals for this week, i started laundry, and then we went grocery shopping. we thought we were done early until kevin wanted to get fermented foods for congee and then we forgot to get vanilla mochi.... then we went in circles looking for chocolate syrup at rochebro’s and then we finally made it to bj’s where the express line was kinda long x__x; we made it back, put away all the food, transferred the wet clothing into the dryer, and then kevin realized we forgot to get garlic so he left to get garlic, i washed the dishes and prepped for dinner. luckily, the recipe was quick and we ate before heading out to see “logan.”

whyyyyyyyy?! i cried haha. it was a damn good movie and the little girl is a beast. <3 me and kevin had a semi-argument about character design for females vs male when it comes to “mutants” and things like that on the way back. i folded clothes when we got back, ate the mochi with some chocolate syrup, curled my hair, and then did the 45 minute cardio video. then i showered and brushed my teeth and got into bed. i stayed up until almost 2 am watching videos and waiting for kevin to finish watching the dota game. then kevin woke up at 2:30 am because he couldn’t sleep due to the fact that our upstairs neighbors were blasting music and talking loud af. kevin actually went upstairs and knocked on their door and no one answered... he also sent an email to deco to complain and then he fell asleep with earphones... i think he was listening to dota commentary LOLOL.