#hmm. i'd like to be able to go to confession and such but i wonder

[mishkakagehishka]

I completely forgot Easter was supposed to be a Catholic holiday not just "chocolate day" so uhhh how you usually commemorate it ? I'm now a bit curious since the chocolate always have been my focus

...my immense sweet tooth might be a weakness at this point...

Dbdbdjdj hmm. In my family, we fast on Good Friday (tho i guess i won't be allowed this year given my meds have to be taken with meals😔 just because i'm exempt doesn't mean i wouldn't wanna fast but oh well), we don't do much on saturday, paint eggs, most often, and then on sunday you have the whole morning mass - get the eggs, bread, ham, salt and the rest of the Easter breakfast foods blessed, eat after mass and so on.

The biggest festivity of the day is, of course, egg-cracking, which is when we have a battle royale where everyone grabs an egg and tries to use it to break the opponent's egg. Well, kidding, but it's a pretty fun way to go about eating eggs lmfao

Tbh i don't really remember chocolate being much of a thing in my family's Easters, chocolate eggs are, actually, a Christmas thing for us, though you can by Easter-themed chocolate bunnies and eggs, too.

In any case, it's a pretty chill holiday? By lunch, it's "over" really, though the leftovers of the blessed food (that doesn't get eaten before it went bad) do get buried rather than thrown away, I thought that was a bit peculiar, though I get why. Honestly the most grueling part of it is the Friday fast. I barely make it to midnight without a massive headache. The only way around it for me is by keeping busy but </3

[simbic]

Astarion, hmm

I've grown so very attached to Astarion because his story resonates with me. I won't go into detail, but from 2015-2017 I was in an abusive relationship with someone who took..."liberties" (to put it lightly) with my body. Two years later, I followed up with a physically/psychologically/verbally abusive relationship that I just got away from in February of this year. I'm off relationships for a while for obvious reasons, and am concerned about my ability to recognize red flags. I'm a very traumatized bitch, so...this kind of hit home lol

Astarion's arc is about learning to utilize his power to consent (or not consent) to things being done to his body or using it to do things to others, and this got under my skin. So now it's all like, hey, I wonder what it's like to help heal someone from this kind of trauma.

You see examples all throughout of him consenting and not consenting. He refuses the drow in moonrise. Refuses the twins in Sharess's Caress. But he DOES consent to sharing Tav with Halsin while asking for reassurance (Which surprised me. I don't think he'd have had the courage to ask for reassurance before, as it is a sign of vulnerability, and I don't think I'd have had Tav go through with it if he hadn't done that), because he doesn't have to be involved himself.

I took him at face value every time he did or didn't consent, which also got under my skin; I appreciated this. People tend to think you're incapable of saying yes or no if you're dealing with heavy trauma, that if you say "yes" you REALLY mean "no", but if you say no, somehow that's not open to interpretation? Telling people what they really mean is taking their agency from them. I don't appreciate the inconsistency. The infantilization of victims can be maddening and mortifying. We can, in fact, say yes to things. Astarion, over time, is able to make those choices. Healing is nuanced, very much non-linear, you learn what you can and can't accept. Astarion's trauma is centered around sex and being forced to do it, not what Tav does separately from him.

Anyway, like Astarion, I had to learn that I'm allowed to say no to things I don't want to do. And that I am able to speak up when something makes me uncomfortable. I also learned I don't mind "sharing", so to speak, as long as I don't have to be involved. Wild!!

I do wish you could have a more in depth conversation with him about Halsin and why he is saying yes, but there is none, and it doesn't look like it affects the outcome of Tav's relationship with him either way, which says plenty. It's up for interpretation I guess. As much as I appreciate this, I do prefer monogamous Astarion and Tav, soooo.

A lot of people are suggesting their interpretation of why Astarion said yes to sharing (that he can't consent to that (infantilization at its finest), that he's doing it to keep Tav in spite of him openly saying no in much heavier, much more violating/dangerous situations) is the ONLY one that is right when the devs gave no indication one way or another, and frankly its maddening and reminding me why I stay away from fandoms.

(Y'all are rabid and do, in fact, need to chill.)

There are two very pivotal scenes where he says no to doing a specific thing. If you force him, the relationship is probably ruined, unless you choose specific dialogue to keep it going. If you don't force him, you get a scene after. If you're not romancing him, he'll be like, "Why am I being such a little bitch", but then you can tell him he doesn't have to do things he doesn't want to. If you're romancing him, you can either try to push him to have sex with Tav, or accept his confession and just...not push him.

Pushing for physical intimacy is coercion. It tracks that this will also ruin his relationship with Tav. Having to choose specific options to save it icks me out, because if someone wants to leave on the basis of lack of consent, then you should not be trying to save it. It's over.

I get a lot of satisfaction from his story, because you're watching him be a snide, mean bitch (which I find extremely funny), but also you watch him fall for your Tav and find that the world is not always terrible, and kindness isn't something that has to be withheld from him. And that he does, in fact, have CHOICES and is allowed to make them. The fact that forcing him into things will ruin your relationship with him says so much about how important consent and trust is in romantic and platonic relationships.

Anyway, I am sad because he will inevitably live to see Tav die. She's a tiefling druid tho, and druids live for hundreds of years. I need people in love to be together FOREVER.

[chuuyrr]

Hey Niki! Can I ask for 21, 22, 24, 30 and 34 for you and chuu?

SELF SHIP QUESTIONS 𓂃 ࣪˖ !

21. In which ways are you two the most similar?

hmm, i think chuuya and i are similar when it comes to fashion sense that i often find myself stealing his clothes whenever i get the chance, and he finds himself wearing some of mine too like my oversized jackets and blazers. we definitely gush about styles we like and not ( ๑ ˃��ᴗ˂̵)و ♡

22. In which ways are the two of you most different?

hmm, he's vocal and blunt, while here's me introverted and shy. so much so that he has to be the one to say to server that they got my order wrong because i'm way too shy to say so, and he's actually taller than me as i'm only 154cm (and he actually likes that difference more than he should lol because others tend to be taller :/ lol !!)

24. If the two of you are apart for a long time, who takes it the hardest?

i think it would have to be me, but i also think he would find it just as hard. although i'm used to being by myself and capable of distracting myself with college, i'd miss being his arms and being able to smell the scent of his cologne along with wine and cigarettes, and especially the kisses he'd shower me with. i also definitely wouldn't be able to sleep without hugging his pillow nor his shirt or coat until he comes back home with thoughts of "what if he got hurt" or something running in my head :(

30. Who is more possessive over the other?

it's definitely chuuya. he's quite the protective bf, and it comes with good intentions ofc. (⸝⸝ᵕᴗᵕ⸝⸝) he's the type to always have some kind of contact with me whenever we go out, may it be holding hands or him having an arm around me. the second someone is bothering me or looking at me with bad intentions, he's quick to tell them to back off while either pulling me to his side or behind him. *whispers* he gets extra clingy at home afterwards but i'm not complaining (⸝⸝ >﹏< ⸝⸝) ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

34. Who confessed first?

it was him that confessed first, but i think i'm the one who fell harder (｡づ﹏<) it happened late in the evening and i had snuck out of the house with him since i was getting stressed out from college. chuuya was comforting me, and the evening escalates into something perfect when he confesses his feelings for me and even wonders if it was the right time, but it really was, and i assure him of that (ㅅ´ ˘ `) <3

[scarletsaphire]

✨🎀🎈💞💥🎙️💌💌💌

No those three at the end aren't a mistake, I know you have lots of WIPs and I wanna hear about them (insert activethreat emote)

✨-What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit):

Hmm. I'd say Ten Lives (The One Worth Living) but I think I might be biased and just want to talk about my Johnny, Kitty, and Shadow ideas more. I like them a Very Normal Amount I prommy.

🎀-give yourself a compliment about your own writing

There's a post that I've seen plenty times before that I think about all the time that goes something along the lines of "I'm having creative ideas above my skill level!" or something like that, for when you have a great idea but just don't know how to execute it the way you want. I legitimately feel where I am at a point where that isn't an issue for me with my writing? I think most ideas I can execute within the general sphere of what I want them to be; I might not always like them, and they might not always be what I consider "good," but they are comparable to the original idea.

🎈-describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?

It tends to change based on the type of thing I'm writing. And how much sleep I get. I like a lot of shorter sentences, followed by one long rambling one for most kinds of prose, since most of my prose is an ooo ouch my bones type of prose. It does change all the time though, so that might be different in a few months. It certainly wasn't what I preferred until like, August.

💞-what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

hm. augh. mm. thats a toughy! I'm going to say worldbuilding, because I often find myself more interested in the worldbuilding that the Actual Story I'm Trying To Write (its why a 30k first draft of a novel is fitting, completely unfinished, in my google drive. The current guys suck. I want the old ones. But the old ones only work as history for the new guys. Its sad.)

💥-find your least kudos'd fic - say something wonderful about it.

I'm ngl I completely thought it was gun safe but First Concert! It's a pretty short one, but it does what I sought out to accomplish; combine Dora and Ember's interests in a way that illustrates their differences but also shows that they're much more similar than you'd think.

🎙️-which one of your fics would you like someone to make a pod-fic of?

I have literally never put thought into that ever. If I had to choose, probably All In The Name Of Love or Strength of the Past And Weights of The Present, mostly because they're my favorites.

Welcome to WIP hell! See, you'd think that it would be a problem, having two of my WIPS be EI so I can't talk about them, and one being one you know so much about already. You might think that would hinder me somehow, in being able to tell you about them. YOU'D THINK!!

💌- share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

Chapter 2 Of Cover Blown: I love pitch pearl man, I really do, and with what I'm planning for this one I think it is going to be about as good as my pitch pearl can get (Dreamwalker excluded dw). I love putting guys in situations, especially when those situations involve bad injuries and babbled confessions.

Speaking of Dreamwalker, I'll add this here too, because while you might know a lot, I always have more. I love how I'm writing the ghosts, just across the board. They are all pieces of shit in the Funniest Way, especially since Danny is a whole ass child right now. You're scheming about a nine year old babes, calm down. He hasn't even lost all his baby teeth yet.

As for the last one, I'm going to put it under a read more. TW for bugs and Danny rotting, but its ok he's fine with it.

Bug Boi (title to be changed later) has been shelved indefinitely for. Many reasons! I have. So much to write. Bug Boi is, for those who do not know. Where I put as many bugs into the boy as possible. He loses organ privileges and instead becomes the landlord for a hoard of different bugs. He loves them, and they love him, and when they die (as bugs often do) they give him their little bug souls as a thank you so he because More Bug.

Anyway, I recently learned about the scorpion fly, who looks like this:

It is so cool, and has recently (idk how recently) been seen in forensic entomology, meaning that I can put these fuckers into Danny's eye sockets or esophagus or wherever else and be. Not technically wrong!! I have no idea if Bug Boi will ever be taken off of my list of to be written, but if nothing else it gives for me a place to put bugs.

[sparklingchim]

long way home 20 | jjk

pairing: jungkook x reader

word count: 1.5k

genre: dilf!jungkook, friends to lovers, angst

rating: pg 15

warnings: jimin's is very determined to make oc squirt one day💪🏼, jungoo being a sad dilf and questioning his life choices 😔, brief glimpse of jelly jaykay but more sad than angy

summary: the one where you realise that talking to jimin helps you to mend the broken pieces of your heart.

a/n: enjoy some jimin x oc time <3

chapters: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08|09 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 |

masterlist | long way home masterlist

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

"Y/n."

Jimin's gentle timbre engulfs your whole body in comfort.

"Hmm?"

You pull the duvet closer to your bare figure and snuggle up to Jimin.

"Have you ever squirted before?"

You halt mid-motion, sending his curious gaze a questioning look. "No?" you answer dubiously. The grin that sets across his face makes you knit your eyebrows. A short, confused laughter bubbles from your lips. "What are you on?"

"Just -" Jimin's tongue sweeps across his puffy bottom lip. He already has beautiful plump lips and you adore how they look like after you make out with him. "I'd really like to see you squirt. On my face."

Heat rushes into your cheeks. You sink your teeth into your lip to stop you from smiling at his vulgarity.

"What?" Though you can clearly hear the offended undertone that resonates the word, there's only a fond gleam in his eyes when you stare at them. "You don't think I'd be able to do it?"

"No, I'm just wondering how you're still getting indecent thoughts after what we just did. This," - You flick his forehead - "should be all empty."

Jimin grabs your wrist and presses a light kiss on it. "Oh, no no," he says. "That could never happen. The more you give me of yourself, the more my mind is filled with you."

You scrunch your nose. "Stop it."

Jimin laughs at your reaction, trailing a finger along your collar bone.

You both fall into a comfortable silence. When Jimin invited you over you didn't come here with the intention to hook up with him. But it was inevitable. You were watching a movie in his living room and you both couldn't keep your hands off each other. Jimin carried you into his bedroom, and from there, well...You didn't have sex, just...third base.

"I think I should go before it gets too late," you say.

"Or," - Jimin pushes himself up on his elbow, his intense gaze prickling your skin.  - "you could stay." His offer hovers in the air like an unspoken question.

"Jimin."

"Yeah?" He pushes a loose strand of hair behind your ear.

"We agreed not to do anything that might make this,"  - you point a finger at him and you - "look more than just friends."

"That rule is stupid," Jimin utters under his breath. "We are clearly doing things that make us look more than friends."

"Well, then..." You think for a second. "Fuck buddies? Does that sound better?" You grimace at the crude word and Jimin chuckles, his thumb brushing over your cheek.

"I guess it's better than just friends," he answers. "But we also agreed to just do whatever makes us happy, remember?"

You nod. "I know." You lie on your side, looking into his shiny brown orbs as you say, "Don't wanna lead you on."

You don't want this thing - whatever the weird relationship dynamic in your friendship is called - between Jimin and you to develop into something you're not ready for.

Especially because he's your work colleague. You don't want the working climate to get weird because of the two of you.

Jimin frowns when he notices the doubt in your eyes. "I'm not expecting anything from you, princess."

"Just...wanna make sure."

Jimin's voice is a tiny whisper when he asks, "What are you scared of?"

"I'm not ready for a relationship," you confess.

"And why's that?" he asks, careful not to go too far with his questions.

Because my heart belongs to someone who doesn't want me.

You sigh, gaze drifting over Jimin's barely lit bedroom. How are you gonna tell him without mentioning Jungkook?

"It's because of Jungkook, isn't it?"

Your head turns to him. Your eyes are wide at the mention of Jungkook.

"Oh, come on," Jimin chides you. "I'm not a fool, y/n. I've noticed the way you look at him."

You get shy. "I didn't know you knew."

"How could I not? You guys flirted in front of me every morning in the café."

"We didn't flirt," you correct him.

"If there's one things you and Jungkook are, it's definitely acting like you two are more than friends."

"That's not true," you deny, a pout forming on your lips as you think of how Jungkook and you used to be like. You didn't act like a couple. You were just close. Best friends. Nothing more.

"I mean, with the shit he's done, his love for you is kinda questionable, but I think he loves you. A lot."

You shake your hand. "He doesn't love me. Not like that." Not the way you want him to love you.

"Did you ever ask him?"

"Uh, no. Not really."

Jimin sighs dramatically. "You two are beyond hope."

"Don't wanna be with him now anyway," you mumble, nuzzling into the crook of Jimin's neck.

"You should talk to him though." He gently strokes your shoulder. "You can't avoid him forever."

"Just need a little distance from him now." Even though your heart aches every day because you can't see Nabi.

Jimin nods. You can't fathom how utterly warm-hearted he is. Here you are, lying in his bed with him and yet he listens to you talking about Jungkook and your feelings and problems and he's so patient with you. Just listens and gives advice. And it kills you because you don't deserve him. Jimin is selfless and only wants you to he happy and you love him for that. You love him for so many other things.

"Thank you for being so understanding, Jimin. I really don't deserve you." You plant a soft peck on his neck.

"As long as you're happy and comfortable with our arrangement, I am too."

"You're amazing." Placing your hand on his chest you draw little figures on his skin with the pad of your fingertip.

"Oh stop it, or I'll fall in love with you."

You spend the next hour joking and giggling and kissing and cuddling with Jimin.

You end up taking a cute selfie with you lying on his chest, the duvet covering your naked bodies and Jimin's arm around you. And because you love the photo so much you upload it to your Instagram story.

"Y/n?" Jimin whispers into you hair.

"Yes?" you answer absent-mindedly, scrolling through Instagram.

"Do you think you'd allow me to take a picture of your boobs? Y'know, since I'm all amazing and all."

"God, you seriously need to get these horny thoughts out of your head."

~

Jungkook's receives the notification when he's standing in the kitchen.

He had been watching Sora feeding Nabi while he's cleaning the kitchen. Observing attentively as Nabi tries mushroom rice porridge for the first time. The apples of her cheeks high on her face as a smile tugs her little mouth upwards must be proof enough that she likes the taste.

Jungkook clicks on the notification on his phone.

You had added something to your Instagram story. Jungkook doesn't remember when he turned on your notification, but it's been years. He loves seeing your little updates on social media.

His fingers are quick to press on it immediately. You hadn't posted something in a week and Jungkook is desperate to see what you're up to.

Oh wow.

Jungkook blinks several times, not trusting his eyes. Are you ... naked?

He closes the app, still in disbelieve. But then he opens it again and stares at his phone.

Jungkook scoffs.

He feels Sora's eyes on him. "What's wrong?" she asks.

"Nothing," he says, shoving his phone into the pocket of his sweatpants.

Of course you're with Jimin.

He doesn't know why he's so surprised.

Doesn't know why his hands want to punch something and his heart aching for something he never had.

"Jungkook." Sora stands in front of him, Nabi in her arms.

Right. She wanted to take a shower after feeding Nabi. Jungkook hugs Nabi to his chest, her eyes falling shut every few seconds telling him that she's close to doze off.

His anger is momentary forgotten as he takes Nabi to her nursery. He cradles her in his arms, humming a soft melody to sing Nabi into dreamland.

When Jungkook's sure Nabi has fallen asleep he bends down to gently put her in the crib. But then he sees one of your t-shirts lying there and he has to think about the selfie again.

It's okay he tells himself.

You should be happy. And you looked really happy. Incredibly happy. It stings the most, but it's also what matters the most.

Jungkook pulls your t-shirt over Nabi's tiny body. Drops a kiss to her temple and leaves the room.

He runs his hands over his face when he stands in the dark hallway. The muffled noises of the shower make him crave for a long, hot shower.

Getting you to distance yourself from him because of his lies ultimately meant driving you into the arms of another man.

It was inevitable.

He shouldn't feel too miserable about this.

Because Jungkook had never believed he could have you that way anyway.

[goldenlaquer]

I'm sending one more pls forgive me🥺🤠 I just love you and your writings ehsjsj I'm going to be shameless again. I'd like to request Gintoki, Sakamoto and Sougo's reaction to a usually shy s/o who suddenly confesses that she likes to be spanked,, Take care💕🌸🌼ily and sorry for double-request I hope it's legal

incredibly illegal, but i don't see a single cop in here baby ;9

Gintama NSFW (just be shafe) Headcanons:

Okita Sougo:

If you were looking for a smile from Sougo, you might have seen it right there– a hungry, pleased ghost of a thing. But your head is down, too cowed to glance up to see his reaction, embarrasment burning through you, along with an entirely different burn altogether, simmering low from the dirty secret that fell off your chewed lips.

"You?" Sougo makes sure he sounds surprised; you narrow your shoulders in as if to hide the heat on your ears. "Nah, that can't be right. I think I heard wrong. What did you say?"

This is Sougo. He likes to be difficult. He likes to play games. He likes to mercilessly tease until he sees redness and fidgeting, hands wringing together as you whisper again, almost in shame, about how you want it, to be spanked.

He probably already knew too, probably sniffed it out from you from the first encounter (Sougo knows a thing or two about degeneracy, believe him), and was just abiding his time, playing dumb and patiently waiting, like a jackal in the tall leaves, waiting just waiting for you to hop closer and closer, by your own violation, until he bites. Or, spanks, in this case. Or maybe even both, if you've got another confession for him to pluck up.

Sougo takes off his jacket in preparation and leans back, getting comfortable. "Hmm. Still don't get it." When you look at him in confusion, a smile finally breaks, handsome and terrible.

"Show me."

Sakamoto Tatsuma:

For a moment, he thinks that the ground's gone and swallowed him up, floored as he is. A whoosh of laughter escapes him, strangled.

He hasn't- maybe he's heard- it can't be- really?

He looks to you for confirmation, his laugh ending on a question mark. Your eyes dart away for a moment before coming back to peer at him from under your lashes, nipping your lip. Oh. Oh.

Tatsuma... he doesn't know. He's never considered. Not even on a whim. Especially on his sweet girl. Never once has he ever dreamt of— he sucks in a breath.

"Idon'twantothurtyou." His voice spills out. It's not the act itself that he has an objection to; he just doesn't think he'd ever forgive himself if he harmed you, in any way, even like this. He's stronger than he looks, more than people know. He's the Dragon of Katsurahama for a lot of reasons. This is one of them.

Your eyes widen and frantically shake your head, grabbing his hands within your warm ones. "You won't! I promise!" He looks at you doubtfully. "I mean, we need to do it right, of course, and yeah, there'll be a bit of pain, but I..." You trail off, suddenly unable to meet his gaze. "... I like it," you whisper, flushing deeply.

You like it. Spontaneously, Tatsuma's eyes flick down to your lower form, covered by your kimono. Despite his hesitations, his mind is naturally curious, wondering, uncovering the layers and pushing down your panties, exposing the soft skin of your behind. He's felt you up there a lot, always playful and handsy to squeeze, but to spank? A whole different thing. But his merchant imagination pushes beyond, for a test run, and Tatsuma is wondering, if- if he did, and his hand came down, hard, to lay against your ass, smarting the sensitive skin, and your breath hitching as your hips jerk up from his lap and whimpers of pained pleasure hiccupping from you-

Aw, hell. Another laugh bursts from him, incredulous, startling you. Now that his curiosity is stabbing him, Tatsuma doesn't think he'd be able to stop himself from trying it out. Just this once. Maybe. Hopefully, he helplessly thinks.

Sakata Gintoki:

Usually, Gintoki likes it when people tell him after he's had his morning pudding, and not before, any and all breaking news, because it's shit like this- the plate falling out of his loosened grasp and clattering to the floor, along his precious pudding with it- that happens.

You make a hesitant move to help him clean the mess, but he stops you in your place with a raised hand, tutting as he bends his knees to inspect the ceramic shards and deformed sweet lump in its center. It doesn't look like he'll be able salvage the dessert without bleeding a mouth.

"Sorry," you stammer. "Wait here, I'll go and get you another pudding from the-"

"Spanking, huh?" Gintoki doesn't look at you as he arcs a brow, raises his other hand to show you the spoon gripped in it. He brings it down to lightly tap the curve of the head against the gelatinous surface of the pudding. The surface ripples, jiggling. "Like that?"

"...Yes." It's a weird intensity coming from Gintoki's stupid little show, and you gulp, throat suddenly dry.

"Right." He stands and turns to you. Holds up his hand up to your face for your examination. Riddled with small scars and callouses made from years of gripping steel and wood that no pumice stone could ever hope to soften— his hand looks strong, powerful. "Look close." He says expressionlessly, meeting your moon-like eyes. "That's all I have, and gonna use. That good with you?"

You nod, breathless and already clenching. He'd leave you raw and aching, and satisfied.

He sighs and flexes the tendons and muscles. "Great. Clothes off. Bend over. I've got a pudding to avenge."

[enjeolmii]

10 questions - p.sh

synopsis: to ask questions isn't too bad. but to end up doing something you never expected from the intention behind every question? way better!

genre: fluff, slightly suggestive

word count: 2.4k

warnings: make out sesh (not written in depth), lots of teasing but it’s all playful you nasty

"Next question! Did you like anyon-"

"Hey, hey, hey! What are you doing? I'm supposed to go next." Sunghoon blocks you with an audible tap on the soft mattress, tsk-ing at your smooth but not slick enough scheme to get more answers from him.

It's a Saturday - the day of the week when assignments, works, chores, and duties are temporarily thrown down the window. On these days, you and Sunghoon go on a carefree date. It's a routine you made once a week to maintain your relationship amidst the setback caused by lockdown, and it was going great.

At a time when real interactions between people became an inappropriate thing to do, and everyone turned to technology as a resolution, you made sure that everything is done by Friday, despite it being so dreading, just so that procrastinating wouldn't be a problem dragged over the next day. And when those pressuring times occur to you, you would send each other texts, exhorting to go easy on yourselves. That's why Saturdays are the only thing you wait for every week. You weigh it up as a chance to see the only light that keeps you going, the one that helps you see clearly the path you are taking in this obscure world.

So here you are with Sunghoon in your bedroom, sitting on the bed and leaning on the wall beside it, covered in your blanket as you cuddle under the warm, comfy covers. The day has been an uneventful one. If not for him reminding you of the conversation you had prior in the week, where you asked him to gather questions he had for you, you would have slept the whole day over without accomplishing anything.

"Fine, what's your eighth question?" You admit, frowning at his attentive remark, and he snickers.

He lifts his phone and scrolls through the questions he has saved in his notes. "Have you ever had a dream about me?"

Your eyes roll around with a finger on your chin, recalling the scenarios you had of him. There were many, some surrounding the time when he decided to confess to you, and most of them came from the fantasies you had of him. Those dreams scare you more than the stare of a fiery lion. It almost even feels illegal to think about it because you aren't well over twenty. Though they were just outlines of you and him kissing innocently, you always end up making out at the end of the story.

You weren't one of those twelve-year-olds who've had their first kisses already. Your mother kept a close eye on you in situations like this, so you would rather make out with your pillow than hear her nagging your ears off. Because of that, you grew up as a child unbothered by her love life, and the mere thought of kissing someone in real life makes your hair stand up. That's when you knew he brought out a lot of changes in you.

You swallow the lump of saliva in your throat. "Yeah, I have." You answer truthfully but still cautious of the words you put out.

"Really?" His head perks in your direction. "What did I do?"

You got a little nervous knowing he would undoubtedly interrogate you on this. But thankfully, you were prepared with a streamlined answer. "That's three questions, genius," You say, reaching for his head to give it a light smack, from which earns you a groan. "Save your chances for better questions."

"What do you mean? It's a good one. What did you dream about? I want to know."

"Okayy~ Next question. Where is that..." You switch the topic hastily, hands occupied with finding the question you were waiting to ask him through your notes. "Found it. Did you like anyone before me? If so, who are they?"

"That's two questions, though?"

"Nope. Not if you put them together." You smile at him cheekily, and he throws his head back in astonishment, mouth wide open, spewing out breathy wow's.

"You're playing it dirty, I see. Well, I had two other girlfriends before you." He brings his pinky finger out. "One was my sixth-grade classmate, and the other one was my best friend from the rink." He shoots his mouth off to chaff at you yet again.

A stiff frown crawls on your face as you nod at him sarcastically. "Oh, wow. Impressive." You hum in wonderment, silence unfurling in the suddenly insipid room.

Sunghoon knew you weren't easily irritated by these circumstances. If he were talking to a random girl on the street, more often than not, you would only think of them as one of his fans from the arena, nothing more. Even if he had to accomplish things with a girl in his class, you trusted him very much with your relationship to doubt him in his actions. And so, seeing you hush after a talk like this...

Of course, he would take it as a chance to play with you.

"Aww, is my precious little y/n jealous?" His voice sharpened one octave higher as he pats your head with a pout and mock sadness in his eyes. "What do I do? I kissed them, too."

You were okay with him having two other ones before you, but at the mention of a kiss, your figure skews his way. You weren't sure if he was hoaxing you or not, but to say so honestly, it troubled you. This wasn't the intention you had with your question. All you wanted to get out of it was something to tease him about when he says he has none, yet it was still you who got ragged of your own query.

However, that's beside the point. Was it necessary to point out those last words? It wasn't you to be agitated over something as dispensable as this, but of all things, why did he have to attack your weakness?

Sunghoon's sounds of laughter tear you away from your thoughts. "Got 'em~" He pulls a finger at you in another fit of laughter, seeing you in a state of total shock.

"What the heck? It was a lie?" You pull away firmly from his body, hitting him on the shoulder with force enough to make him wobble on the bed.

"You fell for it." He provokes you, head bouncing up and down in silent titters, and you smack his hand away, leaning back down on his shoulder.

"No, I didn't," You feel him nod abut your head, seeing mentally what teasing expression he has plastered on his face this time, but you only shrug it off. "Which part was the lie, though? You kissing them or being with them?"

"Can't answer that. Save your chances for better questions, cutie."

"Touché," You scoff. "What's the next question?"

"Well, since we came to the topic of kissing... When was your first kiss?" He converts his stare to a peer of glistening fervour. Though not as subtle as he would have probably wished it to be, you could sense the perceptive intent he was hiding behind his tone.

You render motionless. Never did you tell him anything about your dreams, nor would you ever have plans to tell him. It's a product of your wildest imaginations to feed your untold desires. It's what helps restrain the ungodly in you, but it also fuels you with the need to see what it actually is like. It's a continuous internal war going on in you, its purpose being to stop you from creating trouble for yourself. And now that you finally have him here, not going to lie, it's kind of embarrassing to acknowledge the profuse amount of dreams you had of him, moreover that he stole your first kiss... Except it was in your dreams, literally.

"I never had any," You answer, trying to stay as cool as possible. "I'm a good child who listens well to her mother, so don't think no one tried to hit on me once. I turned a lot of them down." A small smile trudges its way onto his face, but the way his eyes were fixated on you remained untypically the same.

"I don't know if I should be happy that you picked me out of all of them or be sad for those 'poor hearts' you broke." He draws an air quote along with his words, and you shake your head at him. "Don't worry. I won't tease you on this one. I just wanted to know." He mumbles quietly through a simper, moving to rest his head on yours.

Hearing that he'll cut you some slack relieved you, but one thing about his utterance caught you off guard. "Why do you want to know that?"

"That's the only way I'll get to know you deeper, Einstein," He retracts his head and nudges you on his shoulder, causing you to bump your head against its edge, a grunt following you. However, while you were still in the midst of justifying the whack he did on your head, he spins his vision to you in an adventitious celebration. "Oh- that's your tenth question, then!"

"Wait, hold on!" You haul over to straighten your posture, the creaking of the bed barely audible from the loudness of your opposition.

"It's my turn again." His eyes grow invisible from his cheeks, pushing it up into a smile. He just never gets tired of making fun of you. How you wish you could do the same to him. If only punching someone straight in the face denotes no wrongdoing, you would have done that ages ago.

"Bitch, why did you answer that?" You call him, blaming him with the irritation that you weren't able to control yourself.

"You ask, I answer. Isn't that how it goes?" He grins at you matter-of-factly, and you tousle your hair around in frustration.

"Ugh, you're crazy," You send glares up his way. "Whatever. Your last question, throw."

As if that was a signal he has been waiting for, Sunghoon shuts his phone and tucks it in his pocket. "How does it feel to kiss someone?"

You were confused. You just said you've never kissed anyone before.

A dry giggle leaves your mouth after much processing. You knew you shouldn't have trusted his words. No matter what you do, he'll find the cracks and holes to slip in his every jest. "I think you got the wrong person, kid. How do you think I'd know?"

"Hmm..." He drones, the ticking sound of the clock suddenly increasing in volume with every minute passing by. "Should we try it, then?" He suggests.

"What?" You were taken aback, a sudden chill sweeping through your body like a surge of cool air gashing through the enclosed room. What is he going on about?

Inch by inch, you feel him gravitate towards you, your torso backing up from his inclining frame until the warmth you caused on the cold wall completely presses against your back. Like the fire of a gun's bullet on a steady path, your heartbeat raced in a trice. His eyes stared at yours, tracing down to your parted lips as he led his other hand across your body, trailing up your arms to your shoulders, just until it reaches your jaw. Your breath hitched, lips shutting tightly as you gulp down at the presence of his queer boldness.

It's like the scenarios you formed in your head where he pins you against the wall, lips hovering yours with soft breaths that tickle your skin. Him studying your face with obstinacy to make you his, doing whatever it is that would make you happy. Nevertheless, he made sure to be cautious of things you wouldn't want him to do. He still respected you.

He's doing just the same thing, and it's getting you set on thinking whether this is all a dream taking too long to reach its climax or if your dreams are miraculously made into reality. But his next set of words were enough to tell you the clarification to your uncertainties.

"Please don't be mad." Without warning, his lips found their place on your light, pillowy ones. It felt like he was pouring out all emotions he's been holding in until now. He always controlled himself whenever you're around because he didn't want to disappoint your mother. But with this instance is a chance to do something he has long been dreaming of. He wasn't about to lose it.

The way his head tilts to the side to get a more comfortable position, eyes closing and immersed in the pleasure of your lips against his, got you clasping onto your blanket to ease the havoc he's causing in your guts. You froze at the contact. As if time had halted and the world stopped spinning, everything seemed to slow down at that moment. Maybe it was the sweet scent of his bergamot fragrance. Maybe it was the tightening of his grip on your jaw, or perhaps the longing you had for him that's enticing you in this position.

It's not every day that we get to see our dreams come true, and for one, it's a matchless feeling, especially when the dream is worthwhile. Slowly, you give in and close your eyes in the warmth of his touch. His lips parted to bite at your lower lip, and you overtly open your mouth to let him in.

"Do you think you could answer it now?" He questions you, but you couldn't comprehend what he was saying. You were too caught up in your own feelings during the whole session; you almost forgot what happened before it was done. Just when you thought he’d stop pulling out all the hidden quirks of yours, he caught you once again. And it didn't take long enough before you recollected yourself.

"Right. It's way better than I could have ever imagined." You smile at him, giving rise to the same smile as you.

"If this is how it will usually end, maybe I should start gathering more questions for you." He proposes, his head wheeling over to you with sheer excitement.

"Uh-huh... Just make sure you don't catch anything from the streets before you come over." You reply with a cackle, getting off his lap and sitting back down on the soft mattress.

It was supposed to be a dull and boring day. But with another chance that you two meet comes another something to remember forever. And you can't help but grin from ear to ear.

[i-desire-jake]

First meet (part 1)

Characters: Jake and female Mc

Genre: Fluff and romance

Summary: Everything's over except Jake and mc love which is growing more and more day by day. So fate decides them to meet each other.

-Oh man... I don't feel like cooking today, and I'm so God damn bored.

You huffed while lying on your couch on the weekend day.

-what should I do you think, and then an idea pops on your mind.

-Yeah, I should disturb him a bit. You grin cheekily at your idea and then grab your phone to text your love.

Yeah you will text Jake. It's been around two and a half month since Hannah was found and MWAF was caught.

You thought that Jake would immediately cut contacts with you after the case was over, but that didn't happen. Instead you both still text till today.

You both have confessed your feelings towards each other and he has even promised you that one day you both would be together. Jake is not the shy person which you thought he would be. Instead he is confident enough and his boldness is enough for you to give you butterflies and to make your knees tremble.

            _____________________

YOU

Hey Jake:)

How is my baby?

Jake is now online

JAKE

Hey beautiful <3

I'm good what about you?

YOU

I'm bored Jake -_-

JAKE

Wanna have some fun? ;)

YOU

Ugh! You and your dirty mind

JAKE

Only for you beautiful ;)

YOU

Baby, I miss you so much.

I so desperately want to meet you.

I want to hug you. Kiss you like there's no tomorrow. I want to be with you forever.

When will you come....?

JAKE

Hey love, don't cry.

Jake hacked your camera and saw you through it.

I have a good news.

YOU

You are free😲😲?

When? Where ? Time?

JAKE

Uh.....

I'm not free.

My pursuers are still after me.

But now this will only last for a few more weeks. I have figured a way to get rid of them and I'll soon be with you love.

YOU

Oh! That's wonderful😁

Can you meet me, somewhere please??

You can come at my house today. After all you'll get free soon, so you can roam around a bit right?

JAKE

I'm sorry love, today I'm busy a bit. So I can't come.

YOU

Oh

JAKE

Hey, hey. Don't worry. I will plan something soon and I promise you I'll do my best.

YOU

Thank you so much Jake.

JAKE

:)

YOU Elephants are jumping inside my stomach. I gotta go and eat something.

JAKE

Hehe

Bye beautiful  <3

YOU

Talk to you later love.❤

Jake is offline

________________________

Uh...

I don't want to spend my day on the couch.

You think for a bit to what to do next.

-I'll go to the restaurant, and get a take out. Then I'll enjoy my time in the park.

I should even visit the new botique by the restaurant.

You take a shower, then rummage through your closet searching for something nice to wear.

You wear a knee length yellow floral dress paired with white sneakers and a small hair clip on your beautiful beach waves.

You take a mirror selfie and immediately send it your man.

The picture effortlessly highlights your curves and your beauty.

One would be lying if they said that you don't look pretty.

Jake is online

JAKE

If I would have been there, then you  wouldn't be able to get off from your bed for the whole day.

Your cheeks blushed reading his flirty text.

YOU

Oh, really! I'd like to see😉

JAKE

Don't mess with me babygirl or you'll regret.

YOU

Bye babe 😆

JAKE

You really leaving after turning me on. That's not fair.

Jake is offline

YOU

Everything is fair in war and love babe☺

________________

JAKE POV

-God, that girl is really making me nervous. He mumbled before deciding to order food for himself.

Tring Tring. Tring Tring.

-Great now. Their home delivery service is closed today.

-Ugh! I'm really craving Chinese today.

 I should get a take out and come back quickly.

He mumbled to himself then went to his laptop to check the condition of his pursuers.

-Wow, I'm really progressing quickly. I'll be free soon. I can't wait to meet Mc.

-I should surprise her today with an unexpected home visit.

But wait.

Ugh.

She was going somewhere today. Ufff. Then tomorrow. And that's final.

He dressed in his usual black hoodie and a plain denim jeans then went to Chinese to fulfill his hunger for food.

MC POV

Hmm... this dress looks sexy. I should buy this.

You giggle at yourself then buy all the dresses you like and head to your favourite restaurant.

-I'm so glad they have elevators here, or else I would have died walking up to the sixth floor to the restaurant.

You sigh, then go to the counter to order your food. You notice a strange man dressed in all black ordering food for almost four people.

- Looks like that man really like Chinese.

You mumble to yourself then go back to the counter to pay for your food.

JAKE POV

- $120

-Sure, here.

He pays for his food in cash then start going back to the exit.

" Stairs under construction. Please use the elevator. Sorry for inconvenience. ⛑⛑"

- what the fuck!

Ugh..... Now I have to use the lifts.

Jake covers his head with his hoodie then enters the elevator with his head down.

He presses the the button for ground floor then wait for the elevator door to close. But before it could close completely, a woman sticks her shoes in between the doors the prevent it from closing.

Jake looks to up to see the person and gets shocked as hell when she enters the elevator and stands beside him.

MC POV

After paying for the food you rushes to the exit when you saw that the doors of lift were about to close.

Yiu stick your shoes there, then enters the little room.

"Thank God I entered on time or else I would have to wait for more ten minutes "

You glance on your side and saw the same hoodie man staring at you with wide eyes.

What's up with him. You think in your mind.

" I know I'm beautiful, mister. But if you would stare at me with that wide eyes then it may pop out"

You joke at the man who now seems embarrassed at his actions.

He clears his throat then look away. But his gaze is still on you. He observes your every movement like he adores you the most.

After a few minutes you notice that the elevator is going down really slowly. You must have reached down till now but you were still moving from 5th to the 4th floor.

- "isn't this lift to- aaahhhhhhh!"

You screamed loudly when the elevator started shaking rapidly and the lights were flickering on and off.

There was a loud thud on the roof of the elevator and you fell directly on the man beside you. If he wouldn't have hold you, you would have crashed your head roughly against the wall.

The lights went off and the room became dark. You started shivering with fear while still clinging to the man. He embraced you and patted your head a few times to calm you down. Minutes passed and then the  light came back.

You came back to your senses when you saw that you were hugging the stranger.

You immediately pulled back blushing and mumbling apologise

- "I....I'm so-....sorry"

- "It's okay beautiful" the man said with a smirk after seeing you blushing and stuttering

JAKE POV

Mc fell on me when the elevator crashed and started shivering. She really is a cute tiny little thing. Jake thought in his mind

When Mc let go off him, he saw that she was blushing like a tomato.

Wow, she looks so cute. I should tease her and see her reaction to a stranger flirting with her.

- "It's okay beautiful" I said after her stuttering apologies.

She blushed even more but then pulled herself together and said

- "Yeah, don't call me that"

- "Why not? You're beautiful so I can call you" I said smirking.

- "Uh....I should press the alarm button because we are stuck"

She pressed the alarm button a few times but it didn't work.

- "look what's written over there. It says the alarm is out of use. You should call that number which is given below it" I said pointing at the number.

I had no intention of staying in the lift forever, but if it's with my love then I can have second thoughts.

I took the phone out from my pocket then started disabling the cameras in the lift. I have already disabled the restaurant's camera before coming but not of the elevators. It's because, I never use lifts to change floors as they are too risky. But I was forced to use it today because the stairs were damaged.

I was in my own thoughts when I heard Mc yelling at someone on the phone

- "Yeah, what do you mean by 3-4 hours? You want us to die inside? I'll report you then you'll lose your fucking license. What kind of service do-"

Before she could shout more and make the situation worse, I snatched her phone away from her then spoke in a different voice "take your time but don't take too long or else we'll might suffocate here. Yeah thank you and please hurry"

I said to the manager then hung up the call returning her phone back.

- "Great. Now we are stuck here for an eternity"

She said in an irritating voice.

I should annoy and tease her more, I thought to myself then proceeded to my actions.

- "why are you worrying babe? You are here with a handsome man like me. Trust me I won't let you feel bored." I said in a flirty tone.

- "Stop calling me with those names. And handsome? Haha I've never heard a better joke. You look like an alien" She said 

*Mc in her mind- btw, he is really very handsome. Uh don't think like that for him*

- "What? alien? Me? I'm offended babe. But you can't do anything cause you are stuck here with me now"

I said, then took off my hoodie revealing me only in my navy blue tshirt.

MC POV

After his heavy flirting, he took off his hoodie showing him only in his thin tshirt.

You couldn't take your eyes off him. He was muscular and well built.

*Wow he's really something. Ugh stop drooling over her Mc. You have your Jake so no other men. But God he really depicts as I imagined Jake. Ocean blue eyes, shiny black hair and so nice-*" you were interrupted out of your thoughts when he again started flirting with you.

- " Stop staring at me, I know I'm handsome and hot but if you will open your eyes that wide then it will pop out" He said mimicking your previous words.

You cleared your throat and looked away saying " why did you removed your hoodie?"

- " Because it's too hot in here."

He said taking a step towards you.

- "yeah, wh-what do you think you're do-doing ?"

You stutterd at him backing off a bit.

Seeing you going back, he smirked and again took a few steps towards you until your back was pressed against the wall.

He put both of his hands beside your head and leaned a bit towards your face saying.

- "Are you scared babe? I won't do anything............without your permission "

You didn't utter a single word because you were completely shocked. Not by his actions but by yourself. You thought only Jake could make you blush and give you butterflies in your stomach with his flirty texts. But here this complete stranger is making you feel nervous as hell and you were blushing like a tomato.

- "Do you want to be my girlfriend? I promise I won't disappoint" He said leaning a bit more forward. Your faces were now only a few inches apart. He tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear seeing your reaction. Your whole body got an electric shock just with a simple touch of his.

"*No, this is wrong. I only want Jake and no one else.*" You thought to yourself and then pushed him away from you.

- "Stay away from me, you pervert. And don't touch me. And for the record, I already have a boyfriend."

He knew well that you were talking about him but how little did you know that your love was this close to you.

- "Oh really?"

- "Yes really" you said.

- "Don't worry babe. I'm sure he won't mind if you'd flirt with me. In fact he would be happy" He said making you confused.

- "Oh yeah? You don't know who he is. And if I'd tell him that there was an alien harassing me in the elevator, he won't spare you."

- "Why? is he a police or a psycho who would kill me?" He asked amused.

- "Trust me he's not a police but he's much more powerful than them. And he's not psycho. So mind your own business and fuck off."

You said to him visibly angry. You can't control yourself when someone bad mouthed him.

- "Hmm.. looks like you really like him"

- "No. I love him"

He let out a happy chuckle then said "Now your boyfriend will say you to kiss me"

He turned around from your side then started doing something.

You ignored him, then took out your phone for time pass.

You saw Jake was online so you immediately went to his chat.

YOU

Hey babe :)

JAKE

Hi beautiful. <3

I'm offended.

YOU

Why? Did I do something wrong?

JAKE

You didn't kiss him.

YOU

Huh, what??

You glance at the man who was still busy with his phone.

JAKE

I love you too.

Then your phone started ringing. It was Jake. He never called you before, not after the case was over.

You quickly received the call.

- "Hello. Jake?"

Silence.....

The man beside you turned around with the phone pressed against his ear.

- "I love you too, beautiful"

The man said and the same voice you heard in your phone.

You were dumbfounded and shocked.

- "You know you look so pretty in real life. And you're so cute. Especially with that angry expression of yours."

Jake or the man in front of you whom you considerd stranger till now said to you in a sweet voice making you completely shocked.

A/N : okay, so I don't know how I feel about this. I think something's missing but I can't figure out what it is. So if you find any mistakes please tell me. I'll try to improve it next time. There will be one or two more part after this.

[songsoomin]

Begin Again Part 3 (A, S, F)

Word count 7k

Idol!Jongho x Fem!Reader, Best friend!Hongjoong. Reader has serious body confidence issues due to an emotionally abusive past relationship but Jongho helps her recover. Y/N is struggling with the anxiety of being intimate due to feeling exposed because she still can’t imagine anyone finding her physically attractive.

Warnings: Mentions of abuse, both emotional and psychological, body shaming, anxiety issues. Oral sex (m and f receiving), unprotected sex but reader is on oral contraception, very slight mention of manhandling and strength kink. Smut from the very beginning. In fact, most of this chapter is about Jongho and Y/N’s first time together.

Authour’s note: Reader is overweight but not as massive as she thinks she is. She has been conditioned through psychological abuse to believe she is very fat and unattractive. This is not intended to be the kind of story where reader becomes thin and is then happy and gets male attention (although, due to reader’s warped sense of self she does equate being thin with being happy). Even after losing some weight (for her own health and happiness) she is still somewhat overweight and curvy but the more important part is that she gets her confidence back and that is what makes her happier and more attractive.

Part 1 Part 2

Posted 9th February 2021

Soft moans left you as Jongho kissed your neck, biting lightly then swiping his tongue over the delicate skin where he'd just bitten. You were laying on his bed where you had been watching a film until Jongho's gentle touches turned into something more.

It had been months now since you had officially begun dating, after that night at the club. At the coffee shop you'd almost convinced yourself that he probably confessed because he'd been drinking but he promised to convince you otherwise, having seen the doubt on your face. You'd gone to bed that night hoping you were wrong and, true to his word, Jongho turned up at your apartment the next day for a real date.

Despite it having been months - and Jongho being the most amazing boyfriend - you'd not gone much further than kissing. Sometimes he would touch your chest over your clothes but you were still too insecure to be undressed in front of him. It wasn't that you didn't want to go further because you really, really did. Jongho's lips drove you crazy but something in your head just wasn't letting you progress in your relationship.

You sighed, frustrated, and Jongho pulled away to look at you.

"Y/N...it's fine. I told you I'll wait as long as you need. You don't need to rush this if you're not ready."

"I'm sorry, Jongho, you know I want to...I just...I can't get past this insecurity. It's like my brain can't accept that you'll still like me once you see me with my clothes off. I still can't see why you like me even with them on."

Your boyfriend looked at you sadly, his shoulders dropping slightly. It hurt him how you still thought of yourself.

"Y/N, you are so beautiful and one day I'm going to show you just how beautiful I think you are."

Despite him saying this kind of thing to you often, he could see that the message still wasn't getting through and wondered if there was something else bothering you.

"You know you're safe with me, right?" He said seriously.

"Of course, I do! It's not that."

Jongho was nothing like your ex but the damage he'd done meant that you were still having trouble trusting your new boyfriend. You trusted him to treat you well and be the wonderful person that he was...you just didn't trust that he'd still want you once you were naked in front of him. You genuinely worried that once he saw you like that he'd be disgusted and change his mind.

"Why don't we wind back the film and catch up on what we missed?" Jongho suggested.

He could see you were deep in thought but it didn't look like you were going to elaborate on your reply.

"Okay."

You gave him a small smile but it didn't reach your eyes. You watched the film distractedly, too busy hating yourself for not being able to move on from your past and feeling like a massive let down to Jongho.

                                                   ********

Some weeks later you were in the same situation except in your apartment now, Jongho on your comfy sofa with you sitting on his lap, facing him. When he first asked you'd resisted, sure your weight would make him too uncomfortable but when you voiced your concerns he'd cheekily replied with a wink,

"There's only one place you're making me uncomfortable."

Now you were straddling his lap you loved it. You could feel his strong thighs beneath you and his large hands on your hips. Your boyfriend's tongue explored your mouth once again and every now and then he would nibble on your bottom lip, eliciting quiet moans from you.

As he moved his lips along your jawline and down the soft skin of your neck, you started to feel that familiar tingling in your core and couldn't help but to grind against his crotch. His jeans were tight against the large bulge there and you smiled to yourself thinking back to his comment about you making him uncomfortable. You continued to grind against him and a louder moan slipped past your lips at the friction you felt.

Jongho took this as a positive sign and slowly moved his hands underneath the floaty top you were wearing. He always moved slowly so he could guage your reaction before going too far for you. You froze before quickly gathering yourself and pulling your top back down - the dark blonde man's hands already gone having felt you tense up.

Looking away from him you mumbled the apology you'd become used to giving and earning the usual sad look from Jongho because he kept telling you, you don't have to apologise for how you feel. Gently he moved you off his lap and onto the seat next to him but took your hands in his.

"Y/N...I'm not trying to rush you, I just really want to show you how beautiful I think you are...and how much I want you."

He sounded so sincere it made you feel even worse. You didn't want him to feel bad when he'd done nothing wrong.

"I know and I'm sorry. You're not making me feel pressured at all and I do want to do this but I can't get over the fear that you won't want me once you really see me."

"What do you mean?"

A confused look crossed Jongho's face as he waited for you to elaborate. You thought for a moment, trying to frame the words.

"Well...once you see what I look like underneath all this..." you said feebly gesturing to your clothes, "you won't want me anymore. I'll disgust you."

Jongho managed to look both astonished and incredulous at the same time.

"That's really what you think? That I'm so shallow I'd change my mind over your appearance?"

You looked away because the look he gave you now just made you feel ashamed.

"Haven't I told you enough times how beautiful I think you are?"

"I know I look better now I've lost some weight but - "

He let go of your hands suddenly and you felt the weight of your mistake in his absence.

"Don't you dare imply I only like you because you lost weight!"

He'd never got upset with you before but the hurt and anger in his voice was unmistakable.

You looked up cautiously not wanting to see the hurt in his eyes.

"The first time I saw you I thought you were the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen - that's why I was so shy around you. I couldn't have cared less what size you were. When you mentioned losing weight I saw that as my chance to get to know you alone. I didn't think you needed to change, I just wanted to spend time with you."

"Jongho, I - "

"You know, I don't have any problem waiting until you're ready and feel comfortable but what really hurts is that you think I could be anything like him."

The disdain in Jongho's tone as he mentioned your emotionally abusive ex was so obvious it made the vast difference between them strike you even more. They were polar opposites so why were you treating Jongho like he could be similar in any way? You sat, quietly ashamed while he continued.

"I think you look amazing but you are so much more to me than what you look like. How could you think I'd only care about that? Is that the kind of person you think I am?"

You looked up at your boyfriend without an answer. It was impossible to escape that you'd really hurt him but you didn't know how to make it better. You'd let your insecurities cloud your mind to the kind of man he was. It was him who was amazing and you'd made him feel like you didn't trust him at all.

"I'm sorry, Jongho...I just..."

You didn't have any other words so you just looked down at your hands while you wrung them unconsciously.

"I know your past treatment has really damaged how you feel about yourself...but I thought you knew I was better than that."

He paused just long enough to collect his keys and wallet before adding,

"I'm going to head home. I'll see you later."

You felt helpless to stop him as he walked out the door and quietly shut it behind him. The fact he'd shut it quietly was more like a slap in the face than if he'd slammed it - it showed how much more hurt he was than angry.  

Tears bagan falling down your face as you sat motionless on the sofa. Jongho was so patient and understanding and you'd just stomped all over that. It was enough that your past was still hurting you; you couldn't allow it to hurt him, too.

                                                    ********

"Joong?"

"Hmm?"

"I don't know what to do."

"About what?"

It was Friday night, your weekly movie night with Hongjoong and your bright red-haired best friend was sitting beside you on the couch engrossed in the film you were supposed to be watching but you were having trouble concentrating. All you could think of was the last time you'd seen Jongho and how hurt he'd looked.

"I really hurt Jongho and I don't know how to make it better. Has he said anything to you."

"No, he doesn't really confide in any of us about personal stuff. What happened?"

You cleared your throat as Hongjoong looked at you, expectant.

"Well, we haven't been...intimate yet..."

You trailed off as the male's eyes widened slightly as he realised where the conversation was going. You looked away, somewhat embarrassed. You'd talked to Joong about sex before but not about your own sex-life - or lack-thereof.

"Oh. Right. Well, now I think about it I know you guys weren't doing anything at the dorm but I guess I just assumed you were doing it here at your place. Not that I really thought about it."

He quickly added the last part and you laughed despite your unease.

"Can I ask what that has to do with hurting him?"

You shifted uncomfortably because you knew it was unfair to have let your past affect how you thought of Jongho and you didn't want Hongjoong to judge you.  

"It's not that I think he'd be nasty or anything...I'm just so scared that he won't feel the same about me once he sees me...naked."

Hongjoong fixed you with a look that somehow managed to both sympathise and disapprove at the same time.

"Y/N, Jongho isn't like that. You know he's not."

You looked down at your hands, feeling a bit ashamed of yourself.

"I do know but I can't seem to let go of the fear that he'll realise I'm not good enough."

You best friend sighed and put his arm around your shoulder, pulling you to his side.

"I do understand why you can't; your ex spent everyday making you feel worthless. But..." He shifted so he was looking you in the eye,

"I don't think you'll ever overcome it until you take that leap. Until you do it and see that you were worrying for nothing, that fear will just eat away at you. You've made so much progress with your confidence lately so I know you can do this."

"Believe me I want to." You said earnestly. "He's so fucking hot I just want to -"

"Hey!" Hongjoong startled you with a shout, "I do not want to know what you want to do to him. He's like my baby brother, I can't think of him doing that shit."

"Ah, yeah. Sorry."

"Seriously, though, Jongho really likes you and I can't imagine anything will change his mind. He doesn't vocalise his emotions much but I've seen the way he looks at you when he thinks we can't see. He adores you. He has done since he first saw you."

You were resolved now. He was right, it would never get better if you didn't take a chance. You were supposed to be seeing Jongho tomorrow night so you wouldn't have long to wait.

"You're right, Joong. Thank you. I'm just going to have to go for it."

"Well, look at it this way...if you saw Jongho naked and he's not...uh...as big as you imagined, would it change how you felt about him?"

You rolled your eyes.

"Of course not. To be honest, though," You lowered your voice slightly, "from what I've felt I don't think that will be a prob-"

"Stop it!" Hongjoong looked horrified but you couldn't help but laugh.

"Sorry, Joong. You did bring it up though."

                                                ********

The next day you decided to do everything you could to make yourself feel attractive and desirable; you waxed, shaved your legs, put on your best perfume and make up. When it came to clothes you didn't go all out as it was just a night in with Jongho but, earlier that day, you did spend some time shopping for a new matching bra and panties set. You didn't want to go slutty (yet) as it was going to be your first time with him but you still wanted it to be sexy. In the end you went for a pink with sexy lace detailing and cute, little bows. You weren't really sure what Jongho liked yet but you thought a bit of sexy and bit of cute would cover all bases.

You'd probably overthought all of it because you knew Jongho wasn't like your ex and he wouldn't be cruel but, in the back of your mind, you still had that fear that you would disgust him. It's what you'd come to think anyone would feel upon seeing you like that. You knew he was entitled to be upset with you when you voiced those fears to him, though, because it implied he was shallow. Thinking that he might care more about what size you were belittled his feelings for you.

You knew those feelings were there in everything he did. Hongjoong was right, Jongho didn't voice his emotions much but you could see how he felt about you in how caring he was. Often asking if you're feeling ok, making sure you're happy, making you laugh. He wasn't one for a lot of physical affection but he'd always wind his arm around you when out walking. If you were just watching tv he'd hold your hand or pull you in to his side. He seemed especially aware of when you were anxious like he was attuned to your emotions. He wasn't obvious about it but he would just take your hand and rub soothing circles over your skin with his thumb until you felt calmer.

When you really thought about just what an amazing boyfriend Jongho was, you could hardly believe you let your fear of rejection marr your relationship with him. You had to overcome it, though, because Jongho was just too precious to lose. You hadn't fully acknowledged it yet but you knew you were in love with him. Hopefully he felt the same about you.

The evening came and you and Jongho were watching a Netflix show you'd recently gotten in to, however, he could see that you weren't really concentrating. Observant of you, as always, he noticed your fidgeting hands and took them in his to calm you.

"What's wrong, Baby?"

What were you to say? 'I want to fuck you tonight but I'm not sure how to start things off’? You were never the one to start anything physical between the two of you, given that the nasty part of your brain loved to remind you that you might not be wanted.

"Nothing...I just wanted to do something but I'm not sure how to start."

That was a lie, really. You knew what to do, you just weren't sure how to summon up the courage.

A confused look flashed across your boyfriend's face at your very vague statement.

"What did you want to do?"

Summoning your courage you leant forward and pressed your lips to his. You felt his surprise for a second as he was always the initiator but it was only for a second - he eagerly returned the kiss from there on.

Jongho parted his lips slightly and swiped his tongue across your lower lip - an indication that he wanted to deepen it, to which you more than happily obliged.

As your tongues swirled around each other's you shifted on the couch to straddle his lap, just resting on his strong, thick thighs. This was another thing you'd never done, too worried your weight would be uncomfortable for him but you imagined if he was, he would let you know but he gave no sign of that. On the contrary, he seemed all too pleased to have you there, his hands grabbing your hips and pulling you further down into him.

As you continued to kiss you could feel the bulge in his jeans growing and gave an experimental thrust of your hips, earning a low moan from the man beneath you.

"Mmm, Baby what's gotten into you tonight?"

The way he looked up at you, his dark eyes curious but full of desire stirred a long-buried confidence from within you, resurrecting your dirtier side.

"Nothing...but I know what I'd like in me."

The best word to describe the look on Jongho's face was dumbstruck. This was absolutely not the kind of thing he expected to hear coming out of your mouth and, after taking a few seconds to recover, he cleared his throat.

"Y/N, are you sure you want to do this? You know I don't mind waiting until you're ready."

"I don't want to wait anymore. I want you."

Just then a horrible thought struck you - courtesy of the nasty part of your brain. What if he didn't mind waiting because he didn't like you that much?

"Unless you don't want to, of course."

Jongho rolled his eyes.

"Baby, I want to. So much. Just because I'm willing to wait until you're comfortable doesn't mean I'm not desperate to fuck you."

"Really?"

"You have no idea how much."

Feeling elated, you kissed him feverishly, your confidence renewed by his words. He returned the kiss just as enthusiastically, slipping his tongue in and making you go weak, like always.

You began grinding your hips against his clothed cock once more and Jongho moved his lips from your mouth to your neck, kissing along your smooth skin towards your shoulder, moving the fabric of your flimsy top and your bra strap aside when it got in his way. Both of you were getting pretty worked up at this point so he pulled away to whisper in your ear,

"Let's go into the bedroom."

A thrill of excitement ran through you at the meaning behind those words because, despite your insecurities about your body, you had fantasised about fucking Jongho for months now.

He led you into your bedroom by your hand - he hadn't been in here before as you'd never got to this point but, despite having not seen it, he didn't waste time looking around the room; his attention was solely on you as he headed straight for the bed. He sat you down on the side of your big bed and gently pushed you back - you got the hint and shuffled into the middle of your big bed with him following. You laid down and Jongho settled beside you, propping himself up on one arm and looking down at you, his eyes searched your face one last time for any signs you weren't sure about this. It wasn't your first time but it was your first time with him and the first time with anyone since your confidence and self-worth had become so damaged.

"Remember...if at any point you don't feel comfortable or change your mind...tell me and we can stop."

You placed your hands on either side of his face and smiled up at him - he was always thinking about you over himself. You didn't know how you'd got this lucky.

"I might not feel comfortable with myself but I am with you. I won't want to stop." You told him confidently and it was true; you knew he was going to look after you.

You pulled him down towards you so you could kiss him again - it had only been minutes since you last kissed but you needed his lips on yours again.

Jongho's soft lips pressed against yours gently at first but became more demanding as time went on and you kissed him back with just as much enthusiasm. The way your tongues swirled around each other felt somehow different this time - maybe because you both knew it was leading to more this time. Sometimes when you were kissing Jongho you felt you were both a bit reserved about it because you knew it wouldn't lead anywhere so why get yourselves that worked up? This time there was more passion, more desperation; you both wanted this so much. He wasn't rushing, though, he was taking his time and allowing you to feel comfortable before moving on to the next step.  

Your boyfriend's lips left yours to travel down to your neck, kissing and sucking your delicate skin while you got your breath back from the long kissing session. While he did this, the hand that he had on the side of your neck slowly moved down your chest and under the flimsy top you wore. You couldn't help but tense up and he paused his hand's movement but you put your hand on top of his and moved it upwards, urging him to continue. As anxious as you were, you wanted him to carry on...to feel his hands on your body.

Jongho's fingers lightly ghosted over the part of your breast that wasn't covered by your bra and just this simple touch was enough to start the excitement building in you. You wanted more, you wanted to be free for him to touch your chest so you did the bravest thing you'd done in ages, you sat up and lifted your top right up over your head, throwing it somewhere on the floor. You felt exposed but Jongho smiled at you appreciatively. You didn't know but this reassured him in a big way. He was worried that, as he was always the one to initiate anything between you, he was pushing you forward quicker than you'd like but this small action let him know you wanted this, too, and that you trusted him to be exposed in front of him like this.

More confident now, the dark blonde straddled you on the bed and returned to kissing your neck, switching between soft kisses and licks to biting and sucking - wanting to mark you so everyone could see you were his. As he marked the sensitive skin between your neck and shoulder a moan slipped past you at the sensation and you bit your hand to try and stifle it, embarrased at how easy it was for him to affect you like that.

"Don't." He said, gently pulling your hand away from your mouth, "I want to hear you. I want to hear how I'm making you feel."

You nodded and he went back to kissing you, slipping your bra straps off and moving down your chest, stopping to mark the top of one breast before reaching his hands behind to undo the clasp and removing the pretty bra completely. Instinctively your hands flew up to cover yourself but Jongho was quicker, grabbing your wrists and pinning them on each side of your head.

"What do you think you're doing?" He asked with a small smile on his face. "I want to be able to see my beautiful girlfriend's body."

You couldn't deny him, not when he was looking at you so sincerely. Like he really did think you were something worth looking at.

"I'm going to let go of you now and you are not going to cover yourself up." The authoritative tone in his voice only added to your arousal but he really made you shiver when he brought one of your hands up to his head and said lowly,

"If you really need to do something with your hands you can play with my hair. I like it."

Your fingers trailed through Jongho's soft hair as he leaned down and brushed his lips against your breast...almost at your nipple but just teasing around it. Next he placed a kiss on the hardened bud, softly but just enough to excite you and have your core clenching around nothing. When he finally latched on to your nipple and sucked hard a thrill shot straight to your core and you pulled on his hair, earning a low groan from him.

He continued sucking and nibbling while he pinched and twisted your other nipple, switching sides every now and then and really working you up. If he was trying to excite you so much that you started to forget about your insecurities, then it was working. You didn't even tense up as he began to kiss down your stomach, undoing your jeans as he went. It would be a lie to say your worries weren't still in the back of your mind but Jongho was making you feel so good, kissing everywhere - even the areas you thought were too big - like he wanted to love every single part of you.

Your head snapped up when he stopped and got up - anxieties all ready to bubble up to the surface - but he just smiled at you from the end of the bed as he pulled your jeans completely off and said,

"Don't worry, Baby...my mouth will be right back in a second."

You giggled and relaxed back as he discarded your jeans, watching him crawl back up the bed to you before kissing you passionately. You felt his gentle fingers stroke your folds over your panties and had a brief moment of embarassment upon realising he must be able to feel the dampness from how excited he'd already made you. It was only a brief moment, though, because the overriding feeling was an absolute desire for him to stop being gentle and slide his long fingers inside you already. There was no way he didn't know this because you began to squirm slightly and bring your legs together in an effort to get a little friction at least.

"Are you that impatient?" He whispered in your ear, his hot breath fanning over your skin.

"I want you." You whimpered shyly; aware that he held all the power in this scenario but not minding one bit. If you had to define your temperament in bed, you would definitely be on the subby side.

"You can have whatever you want." He laughed affectionately, nibbling your earlobe before moving down to where you wanted him most.

Jongho slowly started to slide your damp panties down your legs and you felt like you just might explode. You were now wondering if he wasn't just going slow to make you feel more comfortable but instead wanted you to die from sexual frustration. You watched him impatiently as he finally took them off completely and he smirked. He was definitely teasing you and enjoying every minute of it.

His strong hands gripped your knees and parted your legs before positioning himself in between them but he wasn't done teasing yet. His soft lips ghosted over the delicate skin of your inner thighs right up to where they met your pussy. You could feel his breath tickle your folds as he hesitated, just admiring you and you whined loudly, partly because you felt too much on display but mostly because you needed some relief right now.

"Jongho!"

"Okay, okay. I'll stop teasing. Every single part of you is just so beautiful, even your pretty little pussy. I could just look at it all day"

You moaned again at his words and he dove straight in like he'd been waiting forever to do this, his hot tongue parting your wet folds and licking straight up from your core to your clit as his hands found their way around your thighs to pull you closer to him.

The moan that left you when his tongue finally touched you there was loud and erotic because he'd worked you up so much you'd become desperate for it - your clit so sensitive from anticipation that you imagined you'd cum embarrasingly quickly. In response to your obscene noises you felt the vibration of Jongho's low groan run through you - only adding to the sensations his tongue was providing.

As he lapped at your clit you couldn't help but grab his hair tightly, trying not to pull too hard but failing. He didn't seem to mind, though, he was getting more turned on by it if the grinding of his hips into the bed beneath him was anything to go by. Desperate for more you pulled him further in to you by his hair and he somehow knew what you wanted; he closed his lips around your clit and sucked hard. Another porn star-like moan escaped you; no one had ever made you feel quite this good before. He was almost taking your breath away with ther sheer pleasure his mouth was giving you.

Jongho's fingers dug in to your thighs as he pulled you impossibly close and alternated between licking and sucking but it was when he started to nibble at your clit that you came hard and loud, the waves of your orgasm flooding over you and drowning you in more pleasure than you'd ever felt before. It seemed to last forever as the dark blonde didn't stop, still lightly sucking to keep your high going. It wasn't until your legs were shaking and you were whimpering from overstimulation that he finally let go - not before a couple of kitten licks to your now unbearably sensitive bud.

Jongho crawled up the bed and reclined next to you, leaning on his elbow so he could look down at your blissfully fucked-out expression. He cupped your face with his hand and kissed your lips; you were still a little dazed but you enthusiastically kissed him back. His hand trailed to your breast, using his thumb to stroke your hard nipple and you squirmed a little as the feeling went straight back to your swollen clit. It was both excrutiating and incredibly pleasurable but too much for you to bear right now so you reluctantly took his hand and interlocked your fingers while you kissed instead.

Of course, he knew what you were doing and the smug look on his face confirmed that.

"Was it too much?" He inquired with fake innocence.

You shook your head and closed your eyes, still a little out of breath and he giggled at your still dazed state.

You laid quietly for a few moments, your boyfriend's hands stroking your skin, before deciding it was his turn. You got up and pulled on his shirt, indicating you wanted it off, he quickly complied and, once free of the clothing, you pushed him so he was laying flat on the bed. Straddling him you kissed his soft lips first, noting there was still a faint trace of you on them, before giving a little kitten lick to his top lip and moving down to his neck. As you kissed the skin around his collarbone he moaned lowly - clearly he enjoyed being kissed there as much as you did.

The noises coming from Jongho seemed to increase as you made your way down his toned chest and abs, running your warm hands over his smooth skin as you went. His body was so beautiful but, for once, you didn't feel inferior. The way he had treated you so far made you feel adored and even now, naked and exposed, he looked at you so appreciatively. The only thing you were feeling right now was amazement that someone this perfect could be yours.

As you reached the line of soft hair that went down from his belly button and disappeared into his jeans you felt excited to see what was underneath. You had a good idea that he was on the bigger side from the bulge you'd seen after some heated kissing sessions but you couldn't wait to see it for real so you started to unbutton his jeans. Jongho leaned up on his elbows, watching with anticipation as you unzipped him and took the waistband of his jeans and boxers in your hands. You looked up at him as you pulled them down, taking in his wide eyes and his bottom lip caught between his teeth. Part of you wanted to pay him back for the teasing while another wanted to draw out this moment of anticipation so you pulled down his clothing slowly, glancing up once or twice to see the slightly frustrated look cross his features. You smiled to yourself as you continued but the smile soon fell from your lips as you finally saw what Jongho had been hiding.

You felt your eyes widen as the smile dropped, your lips now open in awe. You knew he was going to be big but...fuck. Jongho wasn't just long, he was wide, too.

"Y/N?" His deep voice pulled you from your thoughts.

"Oh...uh...yeah?"

"You like what you're seeing?" He asked, looking more than a little smug.

"Yeah...but..."

"But what?" He teased.

"I just didn't expect you to be quite this...big."

Jongho giggled at your flustered expression. "You worried you're not gonna be able to take it all?" He said cockily.

"Oh no, I'm having it all." Your awe had faded and now you were getting excited again; you were desperate to see how he felt inside you.

Jongho groaned at your words and shimmied his jeans and boxers down past his hips while you took his length in your hand and slowly started to stroke up and down. He watched your hand moving as you gazed at him, not breaking eye contact as you lowered your head and gave his most sensitive spot a little lick. He groaned as you enveloped the head of his cock with your mouth, having to open wide to get it all in, then closed his eyes and threw his head back as you started to bob up and down.

His hands found their way to the back of your head - not pushing, just holding on as your head moved, intertwining his fingers with your hair. You could feel when he was getting more excited because his hand in your hair started to hold tighter, although it seemed like he was holding back slightly, trying not to hurt you.

You pulled off his dick, turning your attention to that most sensitive spot on the underside just under the head, flicking your tongue over it again and again. His hand in your hair shook slightly and he couldn't help but grab even tighter - you smiled and looked up at him teasingly. He almost growled but, surprisingly, pulled you off him completely. You didn't have time for your surprise to turn to worry, though, as he quickly said,

"If you carry on like that I'm gonna cum."

"That was sort of the point." You retorted playfully.

"I don't want to cum in your mouth just yet. Besides, tonight is for me to make you feel good and...show you how much I love you."

You heard the words but they didn't register fully as you were too busy worrying about him.

"But I want you to feel good, as well."

"Oh, I will," He replied confidently, "but I want to fuck you now and make you cum some more."

A shiver ran down your spine at his commanding tone. How could you refuse that kind of offer?

Jongho gently pushed you down so you were laying on your back, looking up at him in anticipation, the excitement was building inside you again. His strong hands spread your legs then placed himself in between them; he was looking at your pussy hungrily as it clenched around nothing but desperately wanting something to fill it. He leant forward and held himself over you with one hand while, with the other, he lightly started to stroke your wet folds with his fingertips. A shaky sigh left your lips and you closed your eyes, a little frustrated as your boyfriend seemed to be a master at teasing. You couldn't decide if you loved it or hated it because it drew the moment out and you knew it would feel a hundred times better once he finally entered you but god did you want his cock right now.

You opened your eyes again to see Jongho smirking down at you while he continued to stroke your folds - he was clearly loving the effect he had on you. You looked up at him with pleading eyes and he giggled but gave in to your unspoken request by sliding two fingers into your aching hole and curling them upwards to press on your sweet spot. You moaned loudly from the sudden relief - you were right...the teasing made it all the more rewarding now that he was touching you.

Your dark blonde boyfriend lowered his lips to yours and kissed you passionately, his tongue dancing with yours as you let him dominate the kiss. He pulled back slightly and sucked your bottom lip before gently nibbling it then pulling away completely. You chased after his lips, not wanting it to end so he gave in and kissed you some more, still sliding his fingers in and out of your wet hole.  

When he pulled away again you let him because you knew there was much better to come and you wanted more than just his fingers inside you. Jongho knelt between your legs and replaced his fingers with his achingly hard member, sliding it up and down between your folds and collecting your juices to lubricate himself before lining up with your heated core. As he pushed his length inside you, you both groaned in unison. You could feel him going deeper and stretching your walls out as they hugged his cock tightly - you'd never been with anyone that big before and it felt exquisite.

"Shit, you're so tight." Jongho growled as he bottomed out in you.

"Maybe you're just - aah! - too big." You said playfully as he found your sweet spot again.

Now that he'd found the right spot, Jongho continued to thrust, hitting it every time. It was overwhelming and you could feel the tension building in you causing you to keep clenching around his cock even tighter. As he picked up his pace even more, Jongho grabbed your hips so he could fuck into you harder. He was gripping you so tight you imagined the bruises that would be there in the morning and it caused your orgasm to approach even faster - you'd always had a bit of a kink for being manhandled.

Soon enough the high crashed over you and you cried out wantonly while Jongho did his best to keep going but your walls were holding him so tight now he could barely move.

"Fuck, Y/N, you feel so good around my cock."

As your high ebbed away and you relaxed a little, Jongho began to fuck you again. Now your pussy was hyper sensitive you could feel every ridge and vein as he thrusted in and out and the lewd squelching noises of him fucking your own cum back into you. His harsh movements were causing your breasts to bounce and you had a tiny moment of embarrassment. You moved your arms to cover yourself again but instantly Jongho's strong hands grabbed your wrists and pinned them on either side of your head.

"I told you I wanna see you while I fuck you. Your tits look so beautiful bouncing as I slam my cock into you."

As if to confirm how much he liked it he bent his head down and took one of your hardened nipples into his mouth and sucked hard. It felt so good you forgot all about being embarrassed and Jongho pinning you down while he fucked you was a bigger turn-on than you'd imagined. You hadn't told him but you loved how strong he was.

You could feel he was getting close to cumming by the way his hips began to stutter and his dick twitching inside you. You knew what you wanted but weren't sure if he wanted the same.

In a small voice you whispered, "Will you cum inside me?"

"God...I've been waiting so long for this. It was torture not being able to fuck you."

You took that as a yes.

Jongho's grunt increased as he neared and with a few more sloppy thrusts he came inside you, covering your tight walls in his creamy, white release.

He stayed inside you for a while, just getting his breath back. You gazed up at him wondering how he could be even hotter now that his hair was slightly sticking to his forehead with sweat.

Your boyfriend slowly pulled out of you and laid down beside you, drawing you into a hug and gently stroking your hair. It was quiet for a few minutes while you just enjoyed the sensation of being naked in his arms with nothing between you. Something was also playing on your mind, now that you remembered the words he spoke earlier but that you'd been to distracted to register at the time. After some time thinking you decided to just ask him.

"Did you mean it?"

"Mean what?" He asked, bending his head down to kiss your hair.

"You said you wanted to show me how much you love me." Your voice was almost a whisper as the fear of being wrong gripped you but without a second's hesitation he replied,

"Of course I did. I love you. I know I haven't said it before tonight but it seemed like a good time to tell you."

You looked up at him, gazing back down at you with the most sincerity you'd ever seen in his beautiful, dark eyes.

"I love you, too, Jongho. I think I have done for months now."

"You are the most beautiful person in the world to me - inside and out. Don't ever forget that."

"How did I get so lucky to have you?"

"I am perfect, aren't I?" He joked. You rolled your eyes and playfully swatted at him.

"If you want to," he said, more serious now, "you can have me forever."

"Deal." You replied, snuggling back into his strong embrace.

[ae0nx]

FRUITS BASKET S3 EPISODE 8 RECAP AKA THE KYORU CHRONICLES PART 2 (plus a quick recap of eps 3-7)

aaaaaaAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! I gotta get it out of me otherwise I won't be able to concentrate on work and I will be scrolling through the tag till the day I die. Everything from episode 3 of Season 3 literally hit me like an avalanche - literally cos I marathoned 3-7 over the weekend which I wouldn't advise unless you want an accelerated heartbeat - and I'm starting to realise... maybe I just wasn't ready for season 3. Despite asking for it, haha. Not gonna put as many screencaps for this one cos tumblr editing bay be trippin and I just don't have time nor emotional energy to be fighting with the picture uploads, sorry lol

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Episodes 3 - 7

I spoke before about how (despite my feelings about the characters) the English dub VAs for Akito and Shigure pair up really well audibly. And I think I feel the same way about both Yuki and Machi's English VAs! They both have the same soft spoken yet scratchy element to their voices almost like they are holding slightly back. Although, I'd argue that Yuki has been losing the element of slightly holding back as the anime has gone on which I wonder if the same would be included for Machi's performance?

I really like the presentation of Machi's trauma through her family's expectations to be perfect and how physical it is? How Yuki kind of encourages her to let it out in a healthy way? (Btw the whole chalk breaking scene in the meeting was SO FUCKING SMOOTH. YUKI IS A NERD BUT HE IS SO EFFORTLESSLY COOL A LOT OF THE TIME)

The age gap between Isuzu and Haru for sure isn't the worst age gap in this anime/manga but it's still a bit... hmm...

Episode 4:

In all seriousness, I know Akito deserves some sympathy but it doesn't change the fact that I still see her as a villain. Hurt people hurt people but it doesn't mean they should get away with it, I was honestly pleased Haru got that big confrontation with Akito to tell her WHAT'S WHAT but it was also somewhat... merciful?

Hiro's growth has been so beautiful to see, him realising there are bigger things than him from the event with Rin to his relationship with Kisa to then the birth of his little sister.

Kureno choosing to get his hands a little dirtier and paying the ultimate price for it (as far as we know so far in the anime lol) was great, he is the moon side of Tohru's sunshine.

Shigure... I still don't really get him and Akito's relationship. It's clear he's waiting for Akito to grow the fuck up but at the same time he's not creating an environment for her to grow and develop. He's decided to go with the 'tough love' route which I'm still deciding whether I like it or not tbh. Sometimes it feels necessary, at other times it feels shitty. I respect that he knows he's a scumbag and I don't deny that there are people out there who take revelry in the fact that they are awful but at the same time, him remaining unchanging despite everything feels... unrealistic. But considering throughout this story he doesn't seem affected by trauma, it's understandable, I guess?

Also... that scene where Shigure ponders about whether he should've been with Tohru is THE creepiest creeper shit he's EVER done in this series. No. 🙅🏾‍♀️

Momiji is best bunny boi regardless of how tall and 'manly' he becomes. 🐰His scene with Akito was so authentically him and he really did that shit. We love him. <3

I love the way that the curse breaking should (on surface) be a happy event considering all the trauma the zodiac went through because of it but it's presented mostly as loss as well as happiness. It's the realness of getting out of a bad relationship

Shigure basically laying it out to Tohru how Kyo means nothing in a very taunting way was an excellently painful scene and I choose violence. It was heartbreaking seeing how worthless they all saw Kyo compared to how Tohru saw him but... by this point I was just living in the pain so 🤷🏾‍♀️

The story visually showing how Isuzu is more willing to be soft after her whole ordeal through her fashion choices (e.g. the pastels, the cardigans) was really nice. And Haru being happy about Isuzu making friends with Tohru was cute!

It was nice we saw that Kazuma was still wary about whether Tohru loved Kyo for the right reasons, you'd assume after everything Kazuma would love Tohru as a match for Kyo but he's so emotionally intelligent and also just a protective Dad! Yay, good parenting!

Tohru's confession to loving Kyo was amazing however I still adore Kyo's confession a little bit more. Just a bit. Lol. However, if you add the moment later in episode 8 it trumps it completely. Ethereal goddess.

Kyo and Tohru's grandfather having a scene together was great and nice

Now that I think about it, I wish there was more a visual link in the story between Tohru adapting her speech to imitate her Dad and Momiji adopting his Mum's German accent. Albeit for slightly different reasons, it just adds to the unique connection Tohru and Momiji have. In short, I'm seeing this ship with my third eye now. I get it lol

I don't wanna screencap the scene where Kyo is haunted by both his deceased mother and deceased Kyoko and potentially deceased Tohru because it's the stuff of nightmares. But, it was a wonderfully done scene. You definitely understand fully and clearly why Kyo buried all of that trauma under his hatred for Yuki (I CAN'T WAIT FOR EPISODE 9, YOU GUISE!)

If Akito is a villain, Ren is the final boss. Although, with her type of villainy... I feel like I can kind of enjoy a bit more. She reminds me of a Greek God in the ways she master manipulates people and her desperation for control and power (I just read 'Mythos' by Stephen Fry, it's a great read lol)

It lowkey feels like every female character who's comfortable in expressing their sexuality in this story is punished in some way for it... this is an incomplete thought

Shigure as a child feeling like they should all be pitied is so... mature... I feel like I need more of an explanation for why Shigure is the way he is

Akito's ego death with Kureno? Amazing. I loved that she was at least aware enough to realise how Kureno had been coddling her all this time but again... doesn't excuse her crimes

But anyways...

EPISODE 8

Honestly? I really don't have much to say about this episode besides 3-5 points I wanna get out of my head. It's not a bad thing at all, it's just that there's still a lot left to play out from this 'arc' and this season in general that I wanna complete my thoughts on.

But I'll start with this:

Lol, isn't it funny?! Isn't it heart-wrenchingly funny how the relationship between Kyo and Tohru has kinda reverted back to how they were at the start of the series? The coldness of Kyo at the beginning of this episode (and throughout) was a bit of a gut punch considering all the light and fluffy moments that we've gotten between the two since the True Form arc.

Talking about the True Form arc, I feel like this episode is somewhat a repeat of the same emotions, same trials of the True Form arc. Kyo still 'runs away like he always has' but this time we get him being the most honest and confrontational with his own emotions and trauma than he ever has been during the course of this whole story. While trusting someone (Tohru specifically) for the first time with the whole truth of his story! He always seems to move one step forward and then three steps backwards and while it's a tad bit frustrating, it feels very... real. I'll probably complete my feelings how this arc reflects the True Form arc when we finish this section of the story in future episode(s).

Considering the fact that 80% of this episode is Jerry Jewell monologuing as Kyo and I never got bored really just sells his performance. Kyo was being incredibly cold this episode and yet the range of emotions through his performance made it feel understandable enough for you to empathise with it.

BrattyKid!Kyo to lighten the mood 😹I still wish he and Hiro had more of a relationship, I feel like they could have taught each other a lot. Well... mostly Kyo teaching Hiro tbh

Kyo rejecting Kyoka for her honesty and kindness and then later rejecting Tohru? Oh... kid...

Wow, I felt so good about that whole episode of Kid!Yuki helping Kid!Tohru get home and then it's slightly soured knowing KID!KYO was running about the streets alllll night into the morning?!?! I really did feel Kyo's frustration at not getting that win to actually do something right. And the irony of that being linked to him being unable to save Kyoka from the oncoming car?

Honestly, I don't know what my feelings are on Kyo being unable to save Kyoka. I don't even know what my feelings are on Tohru pretty much pushing that aside in favour of her feelings for Kyo. It's... complicated and I've been mulling it over in my head for the last 10+ years hahah However, if I was in Tohru's position I think I'd eventually come to a point where it feels like it's too late to really do anything about how bad I'd feel about it. Kyo's intentions weren't horrid, if anything he was just being a scared kid and he's allowed to be that. I just wish Tohru had a bit more time to evaluate it but considering she knew her mother well and assumes that wouldn't have been the full scope of what she had said, I don't have much of a problem with it in general

Lol, I love when Tohru gets a 'FUCK YOU, I LOVE YOU' moment with Kyo. 😂Another reflected scene from the True Form arc... only thing is that this time... it doesn't quite work. 😕

(Again, I love how all of these reflections are resolved in later occurences in response to the duality but I'll get to it next week when it shows hopefully)

Laura Bailey only had a few sentences in this episode but she killed it as always. Comparing her performance in 2001 to now is just... growth!

Ok, so Yuki automatically gets Best Boi in this episode for meddling and chasing after KYO of all people. Showing how he's personally done with hating Kyo. Realising Kyo is pretty much the only person who'll make his mother happy. I think he also lowkey wants to understand Kyo? But, we'll get to that next week.

....Oh yeah, Akito is there.

--------------------------------------------------------------

In total, I liked this episode even though it has me anxious for the next one. We finally get the full picture of why Kyo is the way he is! Ahhhh - a weight off all our chests, I'm sure. I kinda don't like that they put the ending theme at the end of these episodes - the joyfulness doesn't really match up with the intense theme? But, that's just a minor gripe. And hey, maybe they just want the audience to know... it's all gonna be okay :)

See you next week!!!

[xpao-bearx]

《This story series is also on my AO3 acc @ Paoloca》

SUMMARY: The bachelors of Selphia conjure up a plan to decide who truly deserves the beautiful princess' heart...if Frey can only choose one of them, that is.

PAIRINGS: Frey x Vishnal, Frey x Kiel, Frey x Doug, Frey x Arthur, Frey x Dylas, Frey x Leon (Polyamorous Ships)

RATING: Mature/18+/Romance & Smut. Please bear these in mind if you are uncomfortable and do NOT report!

NOTE: I have been an avid fan and lover of the Rune Factory series for a looong fooken time now and with RF 5 coming up (who else can't wait?!?!) along with my bursting inspiration, I decided to do something a lil special~ 💖

This story is actually one I wrote--or at least TRIED to write as I didn't finish it--many years ago on my old Wattpad acc (I have a new one now). As such, I'm taking the basic plotline from the original idea I had and simply making it a bit better especially now that I'm older + more mature (pfft yeah sure "mAtUrE" xD).

I sincerely and deeply love ALL of the amazing bachelors on RF 4 and as someone who absolutely ✨A D O R E S✨ reverse harems, I really *personally* don't think that Frey has to choose! And so, here's a naughty + sweet story that'll kinda just delve into my--and I'm sure others'--fantasy ;)

I hope ya lovelies will enjoy this story series and your wonderful support is always very much appreciated! 🥺💕💕 Also, feel free to fangirl/fanboy with me anytime~

P.S. Please forgive mah pathetic ass in advance if I ever portray any of the characters wrong, I promise to do my best!!

"The Princess' Harem"

Part 1: The Game

☆ALL CREDIT GOES TO THE TALENTED ARTIST☆

Summer 1, the dawn of a sweltering season. But most of all...

Beach Day!

Ah, yes, a most wonderful holiday to take a dip in the refreshing water and don the most attractive swimsuits that perfectly hugged one's form! And while it was understandable for the gentlemen to gawk and admire the lovely ladies, it seemed that all the bachelors of Selphia were completely ensnared by one warrior princess in particular...

Frey's tinkly laughter carried in the air as she happily swam around in the lake with the other girls. It was certainly a gorgeous day, yet none could quite rival the turquoise haired beauty's radiant smile.

"Haa... The princess is SO beautiful~" Vishnal sighed dreamily, his violet eyes turning into hearts.

"A goddess among mere mortals!" Kiel piped up cutely.

"You guys are so lame! But, uh... Y-Yeah, I agree, I guess." Doug conceded, face flushing as scarlet as his hair.

"I am a man, after all. Therefore, I must say I agree as well." Arthur cleared his throat, propping his glasses.

"You are all perverts..." Dylas grumbled, though he couldn't help but shyly sneak a peek at Frey.

"My, my~ You're such a bad liar, horsie. Calling us perverts when you, yourself, are one~" Leon chuckled, smirking.

"Who're ya calling horsie?!" Dylas snapped, but couldn't start an argument when all of them heard a splash and saw Frey emerge onto shore.

"Princess!" Vishnal beamed, not wasting a single second as he dashed towards her with a towel much like an excited puppy. "Are you done swimming?"

Frey gratefully took the towel, wiping her drenching body with it. "Yes, I am! And once I change into my clothes, I'm going to be checking the requests."

"You're ever so diligent, Frey. I truly admire that about you." Arthur smiled as he and the rest of the boys approached their beloved girlfriend. Arthur's glasses then flashed as the sun reflected on them, and he quickly grabbed that splendid opportunity for his gaze to drop and hyperfocus on Frey's nearly naked body. He barely managed to suppress it as he almost shamelessly licked his lips, fully taking in and very much appreciating her wet and fit physique.

"Oh, it's nothing! I'm only doing my duties." Frey giggled, embarrassed as her cheeks tinted pink. "But other than that, how come you guys aren't in your swimsuits? It's boiling!" She frowned worriedly.

"Why, is milady that eager to see me in all my glory?" Leon purred, standing in front of her in a flash. His teal eyes sparkled mischievously, as one of his hands reached forward to run his fingers through her long hair. "If you want to see me that badly, I'd rather 'perform' a private show for you tonight~"

Frey became as red as a ruby, opening and closing her mouth repeatedly like a fish out of water. She tried to speak, but no words came out as she could only stare up with eyes as wide as dinner plates at an amused Leon who was enjoying this situation far too much.

"Oi, knock it off!" Dylas growled, wrapping a protective arm around Frey as he glared sharply at Leon. "She's gonna go fishing with me after she's done, anyways!"

"WHAT?! No fair, you can't hog her all to yourself! If you guys are going fishing then I'm going, too!" Doug huffed, snatching Frey away from Dylas.

"No way, you dumbass dwarf! You're not invited!"

"Well, I am now, you fucking nag!"

As the two handsome idiots bickered like an old married couple and fought over Frey, she could only release an exasperated sigh. Honestly, she loved them both, but there was really no use trying to talk any sense into them. The best anyone could do was just wait it out until they inevitably get tired.

But as Doug and Dylas were yanking Frey from one side to another like a ragdoll, they suddenly stopped. It seems that everyone else halted, too, and the air blew bitter cold. Frey, oblivious, could only raise a brow before she finally realized--or more like felt--what all the boys were staring at.

She looked down, Doug and Dylas' hands accidentally cupping each one of Frey's breasts. All of the boys were a thousand shades of crimson, and Vishnal even started to have a nosebleed.

"ACK! S-Sorry..!" Doug and Dylas exclaimed in unison, abruptly pulling their hands away as if they were burned.

"O-Oh, uh, it's f-fine..!" Frey stuttered, not being able to meet anyone's gaze. "I-It was just an accident, after all!"

"Are you sure you're alright, Frey?" Kiel asked, holding her hands into his gently as he studied her face in concern. "These lowlifes didn't hurt you, did they?" It was rare for Kiel to be angry let alone badmouthing anyone, but it was clear from his tone how upset he was. Honestly, Doug and Dylas were a little scared...

"Y-Yes, I'm alright!" Frey nodded vigorously, smiling brightly. "Seriously, guys, don't worry about me! I'll see you all later, okay?" She hurriedly gave each one of them a chaste peck on the cheek before making her way back to the castle.

"So..." Leon began, a fake smile plastered on his lips as his eyes held no emotion. "I wonder who the true perverts are now?"

"H-Hey, it was an accident! Besides, it's all this moron's fault!" Dylas retorted, pointing an accusatory finger at Doug.

"MY fault?! If you just invited me in the first place, none of this would've happened!" Doug shouted furiously.

"You guys...touched...the princess' b-b-breasts..." Vishnal muttered, totally lost in his own world as he was slowly deteriorating from existence.

"Oh, my..." Arthur let out a heavy exhale. "I'm sure you two already know this, but as soon as Frey is done with her tasks then you both must apologize to her again. Accident or not, it is completely unacceptable for a man to touch a woman without her consent."

"Hey, y'know, I've been wondering..." Kiel cut in. "Do you guys ever think if Frey is just being strung along by us?"

"What do you mean?" Doug frowned.

"Like, didn't we confess to Frey at different times? And at every confession, she rejected all of us. And later on, it was only then we found out that we all shared the same feelings for her."

"So, what's your point?" Dylas pressed.

Kiel sighed, staring pointedly at the taller man. "Don't you find it a bit weird that now, we're all in a relationship with her? I know that being in a polyamorous relationship with Frey was something we all consented on from the very beginning, but why the sudden change of heart?"

"Isn't it obvious? Being in a polyamorous relationship means that Frey likes all of us at the same time, which is fine. Maybe she was just too shy at first to admit it." Leon shrugged.

"That may be true, or...what if she's only with us out of pity?" A wave of realization washed through everyone, and a certain pang of sadness settled in their hearts. "Frey is such a nice person, it's possible she only agreed to be with us since she felt bad for rejecting us. And now, she doesn't know how to break up with us for fear of hurting us even more."

"There's also one other possibility..." Arthur spoke up. "What if she actually likes one of us, but can't exclusively date that person?"

Dead silence. Only the faint sounds of the lake thrashing and birds chirping, before Vishnal was the one who first woke up back to reality.

"So... What are we supposed to do?" He questioned softly. "I feel so terrible... If what you're saying is true, then I don't want to continue on like this. I love Frey, but I can't ever bear the thought of hurting her!"

"How about a game?" Leon suggested.

"Now's really not the time, foxy." Doug rolled his eyes.

"No, no. You've misunderstood." Leon shook his head. "I'm talking about a game to see who Frey truly likes or doesn't like. And that way, we won't have to be hurting her and suffering like this anymore."

"Hmm... An interesting proposition." Arthur hummed thoughtfully. "I don't quite like referring to this as a 'game', but colour me intrigued. What's your idea, then?"

"Alright. So, we each get one whole day to spend with Frey. Completely alone, and no one is allowed to bother anyone else. As long as Frey is okay with it, then we can do whatever we want with her. Going on dates, exploring...you get the idea. Finally, by the end of the week, we'll all ask her how she feels and who she had the most fun with. Her answer will then determine what will happen afterwards."

"Hmph. Okay, that sounds good." Dylas nodded, agreeing for once. "How can we settle who goes first and last, though?"

"I think it would only be fair if we go in the order that Frey met us. So it's Vishnal, me, Doug, Arthur, Dylas, and then Leon." Kiel offered.

"All in favour?" Arthur asked, and everyone collectively voiced out their approval. "Good. It's settled, then. May the best man win!"

"Speaking of, I forgot that the castle is undergoing construction! So please excuse me, I'll have to get going now!" Vishnal grinned, disappearing in a blink of an eye.

"Wait... I just visited Ventuswill earlier with Granny Blossom." Doug furrowed his brows before gasping. "That bastard..! He went to go have a headstart with Frey!" He immediately chased after the conniving butler, but not before his shoulder got bumped hard by Dylas.

"If anyone's gonna get a headstart, it's me!"

"Oh, shut the hell up, HORSIE!"

Arthur sighed deeply, rubbing his temples stressfully as Kiel only chuckled sheepishly. Leon simply watched the scene, his fan hiding his smirk.

'There is a saying: Save the best for last~' Leon thought satisfyingly to himself.

[hotsummersimpingogacc]

te amo - reddie one shot

summary: richie and eddie start taking spanish classes together and richie sees this as an opportunity to confess his love to eddie.

word count: 1699 words

an: this is my first ever ship oneshot. but i honestly am proud of this. and also please excuse any mistakes in the spanish part, even though i do take spanish i am not that good to write such a paragraph without translator.

richie and eddie are around finn's and jack's age in this fic ❤

* - translated text at the end of the fic

* gif not mine *

for years richie had feelings for eddie. the jokes about his mom he always made, they were just defense mechanism. he was scared of his feelings, he was scared of being exposed or being judged by his friends. especially eddie, what if he revealed what he's really feeling and he'd just reject him. this fear was bigger than fear of pennywise himself. he was nothing compared to how frightened richie actually was.

everyday seeing the person he wants to be with the most. whenever eddie smiles richie is melting on the spot, when he's feeling down there's nothing more richie wants to do then hold him and tell him that everything is gonna be okay. sometimes when he sees eddie kissing his mom's cheek he wishes it was his cheek or even better his lips. he felt lonely whenever he was with other losers but when eddie was around it was like he was full again. richie tried to hide his feelings in front of his friends, it'd be weird if they found out the truth.

before the school year ended students had to choose their subjects for next year. and of course boys wanted ti have all classes tomorrow. they choosed them like that. but there was one richie had to beg other guys to take. richie asked them every single day if they'll take spanish with him. the answer was always the same, no. eddie started to feel really bad for richie since he looked like he really wanted to take the class, but not alone. so he decided to take it with him. after all richie needs someone to stop when he's making jokes. after eddie told him he's gonna take the class with him richie thanked him all the way home.

richie actually gained a little confidence after eddie informed him that he's gonna learn spanish with him. maybe he'll be able to tell him about his feelings since they're gonna be a few more hours a week together. maybe he'll finally realize if this is real or not. or maybe he'll swallow his feelings even deeper.

"hey, richie ready to head out?" eddie popped next to richie's locker all excited

"yeah, i'll just grab some things" richie grabbed his books

"so, are you excited?" eddie smiled at him

"little less then before fucking your mom but it's okay i guess" richie shrugged his shoulders

eddie rolled his eyes. he knew this was coming but he didn't expect it to happen before actual class.

"are you gonna do this the whole time? because if yes i'm gonna do anything to get out of that class" eddie explained with his hand near his right ear

"sorry, i just saw the opportunity" richie smirked

"you always see the opportunity, right?"

"you guessed it, señor" richie was pretty proud of his answer

x

first spanish lesson went pretty well. both richie and eddie enjoyed it. of course they had dive into studying right away. they met up at eddie's house after school.

sat down on eddie's bed and tried to learn lines they learned that day

"hola, me llamo richie and i fucked your mom!" richie burst out laughing

"can we at least study without this?"

richie sighed and looked at his textbook. of course he had to make that joke. eddie was so cute while trying pronounce words in spanish. it was so hard for richie to hold back and not kiss him. he was clenching his fist so he wouldn't stroke his cheek. fortunately eddie hadn't noticed anything. he hadn't noticed richie's looks at him, those genuine laughs, all that affection richie had for him. he never noticed and richie was so grateful for it.

there were days he wished eddie would notice. maybe show his love back. maybe kiss richie so richie wouldn't have to. maybe say those words richie was scared to jabber out. i love you, you mean a lot to me, that'd be enough for richie. he'd know that all those feelings he had for all those years weren't one-sided. these were things richie dreamed off when he was laying in his bed at night, trying to fall asleep without eddie on his mind.

x

months were passing and boys were picking up more and more new knowledge from spanish. basic lines and phrases weren't enough for them. they'd go to library in the afternoons and dig some new interesting words.

during these "diging" sessions richie got an idea. there's no way in hell eddie learned how to confess anything to someone in spanish. richie was so sure that this is the only way he can tell him how he really feels. and when eddie will realize what richie told him, he'd be far away from american borders.

richie spent even more time in library, borrowed some books home and started writing down his confession. it was easiest-hardest thing he ever done. putting those words on paper went so fast. he was so certain what he wants to tell him. but when it came to part he had to tell him, face to face his gut thightened and he felt like crying. his hands were sweating and shaking.

richie had the list in his backpack, carrying him everywhere he went. he was scared someone would find it and figure it out. this gave him more anxiety then eddie telling him no or making fun of him.

x

after two weeks of carrying the confession in his backpack, richie was ready to say it to eddie. he made sure they were alone in his house. he sat him down in his living room and sat opposite him. he never sweat this much. his whole body was shivering, covered in goosebumps. he was repeating to himself that this is the best time and there won't be any better time.

"is everything alright rich?" eddie, concerned, look richie straight into eyes

richie took a deep breath and started:

"eds, there's this thing, i've been meaning to tell you for such a long time. so here it is" he put his glasses back up on his nose, took another deep breath and began talking

*"eddie, te amo. He estado enamorado de ti desde que tengo memoria. y es dificil para mi Te veo todos los días, te escucho reír y me enamoro aún más de ti. cada vez que sonríes o te quejas de que algo es insalubre, trato de contenerme porque solo quiero besarte. cada vez que te sientas mal o enfermo solo quiero abrazarte y decirte que todo estará bien. Esto es lo más difícil que he hecho, pero es más fácil ya que te estoy diciendo esto en español y no tienes idea de lo que estoy diciendo. eds, eres mi amor y haría cualquier cosa por estar contigo" richie could feel tears in his eyes so he immidiately stood up and ran to bathroom

richie leaned against the sink and let the tears stream down his face. he knew eddie was sitting there all confused because has no idea what he just said and why he ran away. richie got it off his chest. he told eddie how he feels, how much he loves him. his list wasn't long but it sure was full of emotions and everything richie feeled.

"hey richie, are you okay?" eddie knocked on the door

"yeah, i just had to make sure my wang is longer than yours before we start messuring them" richie tried to hide his sobby voice

damn it richie, you don't have to hide behind your jokes anymore, you exposed yourself to him.

when richie stepped out of the bathroom he saw that eddie was searching his fanny pack in the hallway

"what you looking for there? your birth control pills?" richie chuckled

"no, but if you're sick or something and you went in there to shit or for god's sake even throw up i have to take my pills so i won't catch anything" richie sometimes wondered how is it possible for eddie to speak this fast

x

days passed since richie told eddie about his feelings. he felt releaved but also really anxious. eddie was totally looking for some words richie had told him. what if he was searching for words like te amo. what if he already cracked them and he's not gonna tell richie so he won't break his heart. richie was overthinking as always.

that day, eddie and richie went to study to eddie's house. they were sitting quietly on eddie's bed both of them reading text they had to read.

"richie?"

"hmm?"

"there's something i want to tell you" richie could feel how his heart skipped a beat

"go on, eds"

"umm, wait" eddie took out a small piece of paper from back of his textbook.

"okay so, yo también te quiero" eddie said with certain confidence

"what?"

"it means i love you too, amor" eddie blinked at richie

"you're fucking with me!" richie yelled out

"i wish i was" eddie chuckled

"wait, are you like serious serious, or did you tell other guys about what i said and they made you say this?"

"i haven't told anyone. richie, this comes from my heart. i really love you! when you said what you said i felt so releaved because i was happy to hear that i wasn't the only one feeling this way. richie i cracked your "i fucked your mom" a long time ago"

"you little fucker" richie smiled

* eddie, i love you. i've been in love with you ever since i can remember. and it's hard for me. i see you everyday, i hear you laugh and i fall in love with you even more. whenever you smile or complain about something being unsanitery i try to hold myself back because i just wanna kiss you. whenever you feel bad or sick i just wanna hold you and tell you it's gonna be okay. this is the hardest thing i ever done but it's easier since i'm telling you this in spanish and you have no idea what i'm saying. so eds, you're my love and i'd do anything to be with you

tagged

@royalydamned @diablvna @queen-irl-af

if you wanna be included please let me know ❤

[punkscowardschampions]

Meena & Ro

Meena: You missed out skipping on the diner after rehearsal today Meena: I saved you a slice of pie though 😋 Ro: Oh? Ro: Well thank you Meena: It was yum Meena: and Ali convinced the lady to give us a discount by promising her a front-row seat Meena: idk how she does it 😂 Ro: Of course she did Ro: She's Ali, that's the most succinct way to express such a feeling Meena: You are so right Meena: anyway, pie aside, I was just wondering if you'd like to piano practice this weekend Meena: my own playing has been lacking since we started rehearsing so I thought this was a decent way to keep my head in the play and get a selfish bit of piano time in myself Ro: I would love to Ro: Undeniably the songs are much simpler to play than they are to sing, but equally undeniably nerves are a factor even with beginner level pieces Ro: I must confess however to being surprised you aren't dedicating your weekend entirely to your love interest Ro: Perhaps you feel he doesn't require any further rehearsal and is, in fact, perfect as he is Meena: I know they're not remotely a challenge for you but never hurts to be over-prepared Meena: and I can promise you I'm not secretly working to get your spot instead Meena: will not slam the lid on your fingers 🤭 Meena: 😳 shh Meena: is it obvious? Ro: That's very much appreciated on all counts, Meena Ro: I know better than to believe that your denials are anything but, in spite of how that promise would sound to a sceptic Ro: Obvious is potentially an overstatement, nevertheless as I also know you, I can see what's unfolding Meena: 🙊 reading that back, yeah Meena: He's just so nice Meena: and funny Meena: and yes, he's doing an excellent job Ro: It's romantic Ro: What a wonderful story to tell of how you both met Meena: its funny how things like this make you notice people you never did before Meena: but I don't think we're at a meeting outside of rehearsals stage yet Meena: not alone Meena: I'd be too embarrassed to ask Ro: I'm sure it would be possible to arrange more group gatherings afterwards Ro: Until you feel more confident in his company anyway Meena: you can always rely on Ali and Carly for that Ro: We certainly do see more of Carly out of rehearsals than we have within the confines of the stage Meena: I'm sure it'll all be alright on the night Ro: Faith goes a long way Meena: and trust and pixie dust Ro: Exactly Meena: Do you think Jamie likes Jenna though Meena: they seem like they know each other well Ro: Of course not! Ro: He's clearly smitten with you Meena: I'm just so aware of the ultimate cliche of mistaking on-stage chemistry for off Meena: then I'd have to buy a wig and some sunglasses Ro: It is a pitfall, but in this instance, it's one that there are enough people around to prevent you from falling into Ro: In order to allow you instead to fall in a much lovelier sense Ro: And avoid stretching our wardrobe budget even further Meena: Thank you Meena: I'm just fussing needlessly Meena: almost as needless as Sophie having hair options, agreed 😏 Ro: It's okay Ro: A lot of nerves are frayed for a multitude of reasons Ro: None more than your brother's, I suppose Ro: Chosen for his looks and persevering with his talents in an attempt to get them on par is an impressive endeavour though Meena: I am still really surprised Meena: its just so not his thing Meena: but I think its good Meena: I just hope it does get better or he won't wanna do it Ro: Caleb and Ali have both dedicated a lot of time and effort into his performance Ro: I don't think it'll be misplaced for us to have faith in him Ro: And in everything going well Meena: 🤞 Ro: Toes as well Meena: 🩰😘 Ro: Did Ali tell you Tommy is coming home early to help? Ro: He wants to be at the final dress rehearsal as well as opening night Meena: She did Meena: sure it'll be beneficial to have a professional give us their opinion Ro: Yes Ro: But you're allowed to consider it the opposite Meena: Why would I? Meena: I know he's good at this sort of stuff Meena: well, was, sure he's only got better now Ro: He's also very... Ro: Excitable is perhaps the word Meena: Its definitely one word for him Meena: but that's okay, I'm not going to rain on anyone's parade Ro: Carly and Ali definitely do not need the distraction Meena: Like you said, she's Ali Meena: she'll still be able to do it Meena: aren't you excited to see him? Ro: Of course, always Ro: I just don't see why he needs to be so hands on with this Meena: I see what you mean Meena: its just so up his alley, I guess Ro: You're right Ro: There's a chance I'm being unfair Meena: No, I really do see Meena: but I don't think he'll come in and totally takeover, he's not that guy, is he? Meena: like he doesn't think he's better than us just 'cos he goes to that school Ro: I'm sure he just feels as if he's missing out, going to school so far away Meena: I imagine, yes Meena: we're all so involved in each other's day to day Ro: True Ro: There are so few secrets Meena: 🤔🤔🤔 what secrets are you hiding, hmm? Meena: 🤭 Ro: They wouldn't be if I refused to keep them Ro: Or at least try Meena: Too true Ro: If you would like me to trap Jenna's fingers in the piano lid, I promise not to tell a soul Meena: oh, I could NEVER 😏 Meena: no, I can't commit that cliche either Ro: Understandable Ro: I approve of you wishing to rise above them Ro: You do deserve a better story Meena: that's so sweet of you Meena: highly unlikely my story will mirror Sophie's any time soon Ro: Imagine growing up on such a beautiful island though Ro: I do envy her that, in spite of my love of Ireland itself Meena: and having such cool parents x4 Ro: Yes Ro: Although having three overprotective fathers would have its drawbacks as well Meena: You devil, Ro Ro: I was actually thinking of you and your budding romance Ro: I meanwhile remain a pillar of virtue Meena: 👼 Meena: Only getting hitched in the play, I can assure you Ro: For now Meena: 🙉 Oh hush 💛 Ro: Consider me silenced Ro: Simply because the dishes will not wash themselves Meena: Enjoy, Cinders Meena: I'll come to yours tomorrow, about 10? Ro: That's fine Meena: Yay! 'Til then 😊

[rixxy8173571m3w1p3]

In Time Things Grow

A fic inspired by my gardening today as well as a few childhood memories. Hope you like it 😘

In this fic you have a few thoughts about plants.

______________

You never had a green thumb. Your father had been able to grow and take care of anything, and from what you had heard from your father was that your mother had been a skilled florist. Sure, it could've been expected that you would have been a natural gardener, but you tended to kill everything you touched. It explained why your backyard had become a wasteland fit only for rocks and crabgrass. “It would've broken my dad's heart if he saw this.” you confessed as you looked over your yard which had at one point been full of the best blooms on this side of the county.

“None of this is y-your fault.”

“Of course it is. All that time my dad tried to teach me and how it all worked, I had allowed it to slip past my head in favor of my video games. This is the consequence of my negligence and incompetence.”

“Y-you kept the lilies alive.” he encouraged, pointing towards the random bloom in the leftmost corner of the yard. “It's only because they're the hard to kill hybrid you made. Face it,” you sighed, kicking a rock out of the way. “I'm not fit to be called a master gardeners daughter, and neither am I worthy of stepping into your conservatory.”

“D-don't say that.”

“I know I shouldn't, but I sometimes mourn for what used to be here. Probably not the best thing to do, but I can't help it because I know it's true.”

Wrapping an arm about your waist, he said softly. “It's never t-t-too late to learn. I can teach you if you'd like.”

“You tried to before. What'll make this time different? The timing? The urgency?”

“I'm not entirely sure,” he admitted. “but I-I know one thing: that y-you want to. And that m-mi corazón is the first step.”

______________

Zeta-7 had demonstrated how to cut crossover branches and hangover branches before, but instead of doing what you had been taught, you in turn destroyed, almost desecrated the perfect loveliness of a once overgrown rosemary bush, mutilated a hibiscus, and hacked away at some English ivy. He had been patient, and puttered around, checking on you every so often, but when you realized that the pile of cuttings all over the floor had been your doing, you dropped the pruning shears and apologized. “I'm so sorry. I can't believe I cut all that. Why didn't you stop me?”

Setting down his watering can, he confessed with a warm, sincere fondness, “You - you looked almost entranced. I didn't want t-to interrupt.”

It hadn't necessarily felt that way, but you did feel a certain freedom as well as responsibility when you cut away stems and branches, and they would fall around you. “I don't know, but I haven't killed them have I?”

“N-no, they'll be fine. You see, all of these are easy t-to grow from cuttings. So, in a-a sense, you did me a favor because I'll have more plants to care for soon. Isn't that neat?”

“Really?”

“Mhm. Like, y-you see this? The rosemary had become woody, but now it should - should be alright. It'll have a chance t-t-to thrive again and won't be bitter. This particular hibiscus needed t-t-to be cut back in order to encourage blooming and new growth. And well, the English ivy needed t-t-to be repotted since it had outgrown its current container. Good job princess,” Zeta-7 complimented as he pressed a sweet kiss on your temple. “I'm - I'm proud of you.”

“Rick, you really are too forgiving. I feel like I don't know what I'm doing or that I'd ever know. Maybe this was a mistake.”

“Gosh, it wasn't a mistake, but a-a happy accident. I know you'll get a feel for it. I can see it in your eyes how much y-you really want to understand. I ugh - I remember a time when everything I took care of would die.”

With this, a far off look came over him and reminiscence took place. Happy, sorrowful, and resigned thoughts, as well as flutters of acceptance, passed over him as he took your hand in his and lead you over towards the couch. He took a seat, and so did you. After a few minutes of silence, he explained. “As a-a kid, I used to get cuttings from around town and I-I had a little corner of the yard dedicated to my personal, childish garden. One of my issues was overwatering, and another was forgetting t-to water, but with practice, I got better. I grew beans, pigeon peas and whatever I-I could get my hands on. I had to do plenty of research when there was something I-I didn't understand and y-y-you can't believe how much trial and error it took before I could keep seedlings alive, but it - I wouldn't have all this today if I-I-I-I never gave it a try. Currently, all this is still a-a work in progress and so am I, but it makes me happy, just like you do.”

“But you're a genius. I find it hard to believe that you'd have any trouble.”

“I'm glad y-you think so, but I'm - there are still many things I-I don't know, but that's only half the fun: the learning part. I hope t-t-to keep learning as much as I can so that one day all of this will be ours and,” he blushed, his voice almost a whisper. “to our family.”

You said nothing after this, but you nodded and helped him pick up all the cuttings. Some of it went towards the compost pile, and other pieces he either stuck into some pots or into jars full of water. You noticed that there were jars with herbs, which were growing without an issue, and others which had labels with dates on them. One of them was dated a few weeks ago, but the cutting in that jar didn't look any different or appeared to have any growth. You wondered what had happened with this one, but Zeta-7 answered before you could ask. “Sometimes, it ugh - it takes a little time. It could take days, and other times it could take months, but it'll grow.”

Hmm, perhaps it would, and one day you would too. Although it'll take some time, you weren't going to give up, because you knew Rick wouldn't. And turning round to face him, you smiled up at the face which gave you hope. “So it will,” you softened. “and I can't wait.”

Fin

[ooji55]

And now for more.

"Hey, Rachel, ......." "Hmm? What's up, Ramge? "What's up, Ramge? - Well, I was wondering if you could show me where Baraka and his friends live tomorrow. I'd like to see what it's like to rent in Japan. 　When Rachel nodded her head in agreement to Ramge's suggestion, Ramge smiled a little childishly and turned on the hair dryer to blow dry her hair carefully. 　As she stretched out Rachel's frizzy hair, which becomes frizzy when wet, her eyes narrowed in fascination at how good it felt to the touch. As I was brushing her hair, I suddenly found myself looking at Rachel in the mirror. "I'm sure you'll be able to understand what I'm talking about. "No, ...... I was walking in the sun quite a bit, and I thought you didn't burn at all. 　I'm not sure if this is a good idea, but I think it's a good idea. "Come to think of it, they end up red every year. ...... Rachel burns more than I thought she would. ...... It's so manly." 　As he finished blow-drying Rachel's hair and put away the hair dryer, Ramge stared at his not-so-muscular arms and grimaced, wondering how he could work out and still not have a manly body. "You don't have to be manly. Your ......." 　I'm sure you'll be able to figure out what's going on. What?" What ......Rachel, what's wrong? Your face is red. 　Ramge, unsure of what had happened, wobbled closer and closer, until he suddenly saw Rachel's reaction mirroring his own from earlier. The thought crossed his mind, "No way," and he wondered where the embarrassing element was in what he had just said. "Ramge, you have an early day tomorrow, so why don't you go take a shower? I'm going to bed!" 　She nodded with a little laugh at Rachel's attitude as she crawled into bed as if she was hiding something, and walked to the bathroom to take a shower. She nodded with a little laugh and walked to the bathroom to take a shower, where she learned an unexpected fact. "...... this room ...... if I'm quiet, I can hear everything in the bathroom ......." 　Although she couldn't hear the scraping of clothes, she could hear the faint sounds of Ramge taking a shower, the occasional exhale, and even the sound of him soaking in the tub. Rachel felt her face and body heat up more and more as she heard Ramge muttering to himself from time to time. "I'm sure you'll be happy to hear that," she said. 　Rachel pulled the blanket over her head in the room where she could hear the muffled compliments and insinuations that she liked the tanned Rachel, and reconsidered her decision to respect Ramge's doctor as much as possible and not confess her feelings for him unless he asked her to. She thought it would be better to confess and tell him how she felt, so she wouldn't have to crawl into bed in frustration. 　 Ramge has never been very independent in anything he does, and because of his slow decision making, he has always been rushed by those around him. That's why Rachel waited for Ramge to at least confess his feelings to her. 　Even so, there is a limit to Rachel's patience. Because they have been together for so long, Ramge is able to slip into a kissing distance without even getting upset if Rachel doesn't make him aware that she is closer than necessary. Rachel seemed to be taking advantage of being able to see the vulnerable smile and sleeping face of the person she loved to satisfy her own desires, and her heart was always tightened with the excitement and apology appropriate to her age. 　So when he was alone, he would pull the covers over his head and think about this and that, wondering if he could tell her right in front of him that he liked her. 　It was also my usual routine to fall asleep while I was thinking about it. "...... Oh, Rachel, are you asleep already?" 　When Ramge came out of the bathroom, he looked at the bulge in the bed, which did not answer his call, and Ramge got ready and crawled into bed as well. 　The next morning, after enjoying the hotel's buffet, they were taken to the university they were attending by Baraka, who had come to pick them up early. "The next morning they enjoyed the hotel buffet and Baraka picked

them up early and took them to the university. "Yes, Zeon is probably in class right now. 　As Ramge followed the two fast walkers, he wished he could talk to Zeon more. Baraka, who had never been the kind of man to take an interest in other people, was now doing so much for them, his face lighting up at the mere mention of their names. "I hope you know how to say ...... confess." 　I'm not sure if you've heard of this, but I'm sure you've heard of it. "'Oh, is that ......Rachel......?' 　I thought I was looking ahead of me," he said, looking around for their conspicuous presence, but there were more people than he expected, and Ramge, who didn't like crowds, felt like he was going to get drunk. "Ramge, this is Japan, stay close. 　I'm not sure if you've seen this before, but I'm sure you've. "I'm sorry,......, I was just thinking about something,....... "I'm not sure if it's a good idea or not. I'll hold your hand so you don't stray. "Stop treating me like a ...... child. Stop treating me like a ...... child." 　Rachel smiled the soft smile that she never showed to others and walked alongside Ramge, knowing that he was trying to be strong. 　She caught up with Baraka, who had stopped some distance away, and they walked through the university gates. 　After visiting the classrooms and facilities that they had been given permission to see, Rachel and the others found it interesting and worthwhile to learn that there were departments in the fields they wanted to study. "Now, it's time for lunch. The cafeteria here is not too shabby. 　In the event that you've got any questions concerning where and how to use the internet, you can contact us at our own web site. "I'm not sure what to say. I'm not sure what to say. I'm sure you'll be happy to hear that. "It's not surprising. If it weren't for your guidance, I wouldn't have had to leave. 　It's a good idea to have a good idea of what you're looking for. Baraka itself still stands out, and when Rachel and Ramge, a student from overseas, came to observe, rumors quickly started to spread. "Hey, hey, you guys stand out, so don't cause any trouble, okay?" 　As soon as Zeon arrived, Baraka naturally stood next to Zeon, hugging his waist and deciding which chair to sit on. Rachel gritted her teeth more and more at the way he didn't seem to feel bad, but seeing Ramge's worried expression, she decided to put her fists together. She sat down across from Zeon and the others and listened quietly to the explanation of the menu. "Well, then, Baraka and I will buy the food for you. 　After seeing Rachel and Baraka off to buy the meal tickets, Ramge took the opportunity to turn to Zeon. "I'm not sure if this is a good idea or not, but it's a good idea. "Hmm? Yeah, sure." 　In the event that you have any questions concerning where and how to use the internet, you can contact us at our own web site. "In the event that you have any questions concerning where and how to use the internet, you can call us at our own web site. I'm not sure what to make of it. "I've never cared about Baraka's gender. "I don't care what gender he is as long as it feels good. I've never had a relationship with anyone that didn't feel good. And I don't care who's talking about it behind my back. 　Zeon's last statement was something Ramge had never thought about before, and it filled him with wonder and doubt. Ramge, who had always lived in fear of what other people thought of him even when he was at home, couldn't believe that Zeon didn't care what people said about him. "But ...... everyone is going to be curious about you two, right? Even disgust. ......" 　The majority of the reason Ramge couldn't say he liked Rachel was because of the way others looked at him. 　Even though he was born into a royal family, his parents were not very religious, and Ramge himself was not that religious. Even so, he knew how the world perceived homosexuality and how his own family felt about it. I thought, "Why don't you just let them say what they want? I don't think he's going to let go of my hand no matter what the outside world says, and I

don't want to let go of his hand anymore either. 　As he listened to the conversation, Ramge wondered if he was being talked down to, and felt the stupidity of his question. But it was worth it just to hear Zeon say he wasn't concerned about the prejudice, and he left to help Baraka and Rachel, who had returned with two trays each.

[cuddlykukalaka]

https://youtu.be/zA_3sG7LSl8?t=1431

Oh hello! ... did we know this before? Chris Barrie was a trainspotter No wonder he had SUCH a blast in those episodes of Massive Engines / Massive Machines / Britain's Greatest Machines!

Update Jan 2023: Whilst still true, it also turns out he's now a raving conspiracy nut so I am no longer delighted to have anything in common with him.

But I am also personally delighted, because everyone who knew me when I was well knew I was really into trains!! (Still am interested, just it's kind of difficult to actively pursue as a hobby whilst mostly housebound regardless of the pandemic :p )

Once when visiting a friend, I identified a class 43 that passed the housing estate by sound alone, which amazed my friend but was kind of a cop-out because the only other trains on that line were the class 319s, with the odd class 66 occasionally so they were all easy to distinguish from one another. But yeah, I'll always remember the look on his face :D

Man, I miss driving, I miss trains, and I especially miss going off on jaunts for the day wherever I want within the bounds of whichever ticket I purchase. The only kind of place I could possibly do that now would be, hmm, maybe the old lines with conductors and unmanned stations so the ramps are carried on the train and the conductor deploys them for you. However they are usually lines that are partially single-track and have one train in either direction every hour or two 😂 so not conducive to spontaneity either! One station on our nearest line - not our nearest station or even our nearest accessible station - is fairly good at turn-up-and-go, but you have to know where you want to go and you're limited by which other stations are accessible (and with working lifts, so you have to check for any engineering work too!) so the only possible spontaneity is what time you come back, if the station at the other end is also staffed 24/7 and equally good at TUAG. I feel like a Trekinetic would make larger gaps possible so widen the options for stations, but still stairs and engineering work on the lifts will always be huge limiting factors.

I'm not complaining - things are far better than they were even 5 years ago, and we *can* get to London to see shows now and again if I'm well enough and can afford the following days/weeks to recover, but I'm allowed to acknowledge what I miss as well. To be honest the pandemic has made me appreciate the couple of journeys we used to do in an average year, once I'd stabilised. Just, the documentaries and spring and (I have to confess) advert for a train company that popped up today and now this have all converged into reawakening that longing for freedom, both pre-pandemic and pre-illness.

Ah well. Whether I get to do any of it again or not, I have great memories of doing it when I was able to 😊