#hmm maybe I could make that into a narrative for Creative Writing

[quibbs126]

I’m realizing that with the way I interact with the real world, I could very much make the case of being an alien trying to learn about and blend in with the human race

I don’t know if that makes sense, but the way I act sometimes, you’d think I don’t know what a person is

[momo-t-daye]

@cerise-grenadine asked me for 1, 4, 11, 21, and 27 for the Snapedom AU Ask Game!

1.) Do you have a name and/or a tag and/or a master post for your AU (so I can peruse your blog and admire your creativity)?

I usually remember to tag my AU as: “Self-indulgent AU” here, on Ao3 I have the student years grouped as “Viridian by Volition” and Harry years mostly under “The Godmother”, my master post (more or less in story order and usually updated) is here (and pinned on my blog!)

4.) What your favorite thing about your AU? (Does it make you cackle with glee or do you break your own heart?)

I am very much a cackler rather than an angst-er and thinking about the change in relationship dynamics between my AU!Severus and various other characters— particularly Lily and Tobias and Harry and Sirius— is a good way to make myself cackle.  Especially when I can come up with absurd shenanigans that escalate into chaos and mayhem because Severus isn’t so painfully isolated/hated.

11.) Do you know if Severus going to escape the gravitational pull of the canon narrative/fate in your AU?

I love Snape!lives and one of the fun things for me in playing with AU thoughts is trying to figure out how various changes can cascade in ways that will lead to Severus surviving and getting to deal with the daunting task of living after the war and mission are over, so, yes, the gravitational pull of the canon narrative will be quite strong and some story beats are very clingy (…because it is what I like to build off of and reflect on), but I do expect the changes in interactions/relationships/events to provide sufficient escape velocity!

21.) Is there another canon character that plays a major role in your AU!Snape’s life?  What role do they play and how does it differ from their canon relationship with Snape?

Aside from his parents, Lily, the Marauders, the Malfoys, Voldemort, Dumbledore and Harry, hmm… none with quite as major role in AU!Sev’s life, but Tuney and Tonks both play larger roles in my silly little AU than in canon.  I am fascinated by the Cokeworth years and Tuney was there and she has so much story potential of her own!  Tonks, for her part, is recognized as one of the leading experts on Polyjuice Potion to her exasperation and it is all Severus’ fault (golly, I should get back to writing that…)

27.) Do you have a snippet of prose (or an art piece or a list of headcanons) from your AU that you particularly enjoy and want to share?

Heh heh heh, an excuse to share snippets from “Revising Their Stars” (the title is a bit of a pun, I really like puns and terrible wordplay and maybe that’s obvious) because I’m still happy I managed to do words! Sirius’ POV (post willow incident, but there were consequences in this AU that stymied the escalation that led to SWM):

Snape was hardly a simpleton, but he could leap to conclusions like a rubber frog with springs on. With the way his scrawny body seemed to be trying to meld arse first into the stone wall, he had probably hopped his head right into some dire soup.

(Because frogs can leap, and rubber bounces so a rubber frog could probably cross quite a distance, and once springs get added on even oceans are hardly a barrier; and then there’s the oblique reference to the “boiling frog” urban legend)

Severus Snape had such tar pit eyes. The gaze was dark and inexplicably sticky as he studied Sirius. There was no escape from that sort of stare. … … Severus Snape’s full attention was intoxicating. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, drowning in those lightless eyes. His bones could rest with all the other skeletons buried down there.

(Maybe it’s Legilimency, maybe it’s Maybelline. Unfortunately the geology in the UK doesn’t appear to have anything comparable to the La Brea tar pits, but I liked the idea because tar pits are dark and dangerous and very capable of holding onto skeletons from the past, right?)

[crochetysquare]

Jester’s Hat Pattern

I meant to post this on New Year’s Day. Oops. Hello, all 5 followers that aren’t bots! I typed that sentence and realized I haven’t been checking for bots in my sideblog. To be fair, I haven’t been doing a great job of posting to my crochetblr at all since I started it. Let this be the beginning of a year of more-or-less monthly patterns! More updates on the quilt! More one-off posts! This is the year of crochet!

Some of you may have noticed that I changed this blog's title last year. I felt that "NotUrGrannySquares" didn't fit me. I didn't really like it at the beginning, but it's the all I could think of (and it wasn't too creative, since I only spelt it "Ur" because "NotYourGrannySquares" was taken--not to mention, there are plenty of patterns out there with similar names). As I began to collect a few pieces from my mom and grandma for my quilt, I felt more at odds with the blog name: these are my granny's squares! I posted this one a while ago, but the other two from her are waffle stitch samples. One is incomplete, using a merino wool yarn, and the other she fished out of the kitchen when I asked if I could incorporate the wool one into the quilt, and it’s clearly a polyester because it’s slightly melted in the center where it had been holding hot things. I’m obsessed with the texture that’s resulted.

I landed on “crochety” because I’ve described myself as a crotchety old man, the word “crotchety” shares origins with the word “crochet,” and I liked how Dictionary.com defined it.

crotchety adjective 1. given to odd notions, whims, grouchiness, etc.

I am given to odd notions and whims. That’s the whole thesis of my quilt, isn’t it? That’s why I haven’t been posting patterns. When I’m crocheting, I’m crocheting. I can’t stop every row and write down what I did. Worse, I can’t write it down and then rewrite it in a text document. I tried to teach myself coding last year because I was told it’s “just logic,” and being logically minded, I should be good at it. The thing is, it’s also typing, and I fucking hate typing. (You’re looking up at the past 4 paragraphs skeptically. This is different. Just trust me that it’s different. You’ll see what I mean when you look at the pattern and how poorly I’ve cleaned it up because something about typing shit like, “Ch 3, turn, sk 1st st, sc in 2nd ch from hook, sc in next sc, sc 15, ch 2, sc in next sc, sc 15, ch 3, turn, sk 1st ch, sc in sc in sc in sc in sc in next st and to end,” just itches my brain so uncomfortably. Crocheting is so intuitive for me, and translating it from the physical realm to the written kills me. It’s like when I would finish my geometry proof before everyone else, and the teacher would suggest I help the kid next to me, but I couldn’t put it into words. I don’t know, dude, you just put the things where they go. Just put the hook through the correct stitch. Just make it the shape of one third of a jester’s hat. That’s how you make a pattern. Just do the thing that obviously you should do. This is why I like diagram crochet patterns more, which I would like to get into on here in the future. However, this pattern reflects the madness that is my brain trying to type up patterns. When I started this blog, I thought I would do a bunch of patterns like that, maybe with a horror narrative evolving around the monotony and the separation between typography and craft, and then I realized how much tongue in cheek patterning that would require. Hmm. Maybe someday, though.)

So anyway, this is NOT your granny’s pattern because I bet she has better discipline than I do. She would have cleaned this pattern up to the necessary bits. I’m too damn crotchety for that.

All 3 panels will follow this pattern. I used (most of) 3 skeins of Buttercream Luxe Craft 100% Wool yarn. It is yarn weight 5, recommending 6.0mm crochet hooks, and for once I did what I was told.

It appears that Joann has rebranded it to Knit & Crochet, but it also seems I have moved to an area with mediocre Joanns which carry neither. Which is whatever; I have gift cards to better yarn shops.

You can follow the same scheme of adding stitches with different starting row counts. This ended up being a little more than 25 inches in circumference, which made it just a bit too big for me. I rolled up the brim on the underside when I wore it, which worked fine for me and my 21 inch head since it’s a nice thick yarn.

Key I'm using US terms. ch = Chain sc = Single crochet sk = Skip sc2tog = single crochet 2 together That's all you need. It's easy peasy, you got this, gorgeous.

Ch 31. 1. skip 1st ch. sc 30. ch 1, turn. 2-10. sc 30, ch 1, turn. 11. sc 30, ch 2, turn. 12. sk first ch, sc in second from hook. sc across. Ch 2 again! and turn. 13. sk first ch, sc in second, sc 16, ch 2, sc in next stitch and to end. (32 total, 16 on each side. We're gonna stop keeping count, though. I didn't, and it turned out just fine. You'll be fine, as long as all your panels are Shaped.) Ch 2, and turn. 14. Sk first ch, sc in second, sc 17. In 2 ch space {sc, ch 2, sc}. Sc to end. Ch 2, turn. 15-16. You know what you're doing. Sc to that chain space, and sc, ch 2, sc, and keep going. Ch 2, turn. 17. Now it switches up, but not really. Sk first ch, sc in second. Sc to 2ch space {sc, ch 2, sc}, sc to end. NOW. Chain 3. Turn. 18. Sc in second and third ch from hook. sc to chain space {sc, ch 2, sc}, sc to end. Ch. 3. 19. NOW it switches up. Sc in second and third ch, sc across. You hear me? Single crochet across! Skip that chain space entirely this time 'round! 20-22. In 20, you add the ch space in... um. shoot. This is why people keep track of stitches. Add the ch space above where it was in 18. IDK, you got this. ch 3, turn. 23. Hey, just skip that ch space again, okay. Don't argue (you can argue, change the pattern, idgaf). Ch 3, turn. 24. sc in second and third ch from hook, sc 31, ch 2 without skipping, sc 32. Ch 3, turn. 25-27. Same as 20-22. 28. Do that thing where you omit the ch space. Or don't. I'm not your mother. 29-30. Same as 20-22 and 25-27. 31. This is ittttttttt! Single crochet until that 2 chain space where I need you to use that one stitch in the key you forgot about? The sc2tog? Keep sc'ing to the end and fasten the fuck off, you did it.

Now you just have to do that two more times and probably in different colors. Maybe if you're fancy you could do stripes. Row 31 should have 92 stitches, but, like I said in Row 13, as long as it's Shaped, you're honestly good. As longs as the Shapes are Basically The Same, you are grooving.

Sew them up. I slip stitched them together because I'm more comfortable with a hook than a needle (and I think it looks nice). Don’t forget to affix something that jingle jangles. 🃏

[yourtouchismidas]

16, 39, 86 <3

Also hi! how do you feel now?

hi darlin! i still feel a bit run down but mostly okay, thank you for asking!

16. What’s the worst decision you’ve ever made? What’s the best decision you’ve ever made?

wow this is deep. worst decision i've ever made. hmm. i think breaking up with my ex gf when i did. i think i did the right thing in the end (in that it all seemed to work out for her) but i wish i'd taken more time to think about it and if i had maybe it would've turned out differently.

best decision was going to study creative writing at uni even though it's not an "employable" degree and everyone thought it was silly. best 3 yrs of my life. no regrets.

39. What taboo do you think should be discussed more, if any? Alternatively, do you think a topic that isn’t taboo should be?

i dont know if this counts as a taboo but it bothers me in dating and relationships these days we're kind of supposed to pretend not to care? and like, it's embarrassing to be needy or want something serious or to want to see your partner. it's not embarrassing to care about someone. it doesn't make you weak or silly. it makes the person who doesn't care or pretends not to care, not right for you, and that's okay.

86. What could you talk about for hours?

writing. narrative structure. the way stories can elicit emotions and how they are built to do that.

also, taylor swift.

[dalt20]

Tooning In 9. Dev Ross part 5 of 7

DL: so we were taking about disney last time right?

DR: I don't remember, I did tell you about my time there yes. Not sure if that was where we ended up.

DL: well, after jungle cubs how did you feel when you left the house of mouse?

DR: Disappointed that things had become so distant there. Lost the old feeling of comraderie. No real personal relationships. No team work, Very cold and corporate. I was very sad and felt I had lost a big part of my something that had once been so special.

DL: I'm sorry to hear that. Oh,so you wrote for Aladdin the series?

DR: A few eps,that is all.

DL: process for that?

DR: Don't remember a thing. I wasn't on it long enough for it to have made memories for me.

DL: so did you watch the film,before writing for the series or the sequel?

DR: Yes.

DL: thoughts on the first film?

DL: yeah he was great! so did you like any other 90s disney films?

DR: No. It was a pretty predictable Disney film. The best part was the Genie. Robin Williams ability to improv made the film. His stuff was fresh and out of the box.

DL: yeah he was great! so did you like any other 90s disney films?

DR: You'd have to be specific. I don't recall which movies came out when. I left Disney because I felt their still had become too predictable. Their use of iconic characters over and over was troubling to me.

DL: I see.

DR: They insisted on using their cast of characters and only finally reached for new characters long after I left. Meanwhile you had Pixar who was wildly creative and out of the box. Pixar wasn't afraid to find new heroes.

DL: well sadly pixar is now stale.

DR: Yep. It happens. Youth are turning to webtoons and 2D limited animations from Japan and Korea. Also the gaming industry has leaped ahead of narrative stories.

DL: well it's called 'anime' but yeah, that's all the rage! you probably grew up on speed racer and kimba.

DR: I know that it is called anime but what it is artistically is limited 2D animation. I did not watch speed racer or kimba.

DL: Gotcha. back to your career, you worked on adventures of the book of virtues for porchlight and PBS.

DR: Yes.

DL: written the episode, patience. can you explain to me the show and the episode.

DR: William Bennet was the driver of that. He was the a secretary of education under Reagan and very conservative. He believed kids weren't being taught morals and virtues enough so brought this series to life. Give me a clue on the patience episode as I don't recall it.

DL: thanks for giving me a history lesson (this is not sarcasm) the annie and ari are trying to teach other kids things but the other kids can’t do it and they become impatient with them. and also hellen keller.

DR: I actually really loved working in this show! I loved taking the lessons from the book and making them relatable to kids. But neither came easy. I did the play in high school and loved being Helen!

DL: That's awesome! Good for you!

DR: The fact that it showed the incredible resilience of these women was wonderful for me. I love telling these kinds of stories.

DL: Wow! So,how did you write the episode but trying not to make them christian? secular, i mean.

DR: I wrote them to be universal. All religions have common values. I'm not into religion at all but I do recognize intrinsic human values of kindness, compassion and patience. We all could use a giant dose of that today.

DL: Agreed.

DR: sends me a smiley face emoji 😀

DL : you wrote that episode with the creators according to IMdb.

DR : Not sure what you mean. I'm credited as writer on it...

DL : it said on the page for the episode you co wrote it with them.

DR : Hmm. I never co-wrote. I have the only credit on it when you view the opening. Maybe they made changes later. I don't know

DL : oh ok, lets talk about the Land Before Time. your golden ticket to fame!

DR: Yes. Loved writing those films. Great team.

DL: the first film, the great valley adventure. process on that?

DR: They had a script they didn't like and asked me to doctor it. I did a major rewrite of it in two weeks and that sealed the deal for more. I was fast and they liked my take on the characters. I used my own kids for inspiration and that worked! My six year old son was Little Foot and my bossy four year old was Cera.

DL: Oh, wow!

DR : I would see the problems they encountered with friends and used them in my stories. My son was getting picked on so I used his struggle to deal with prejudice kids. My kids would always give me ideas. It was so wonderful to turn their experiences into stories.

DL: That's awesome!

DR: It was very rewarding!

DL: so you read the original script, can you tell me what was from the script?

DR: The beginning with them finding the egg but that's pretty much it. I still had to share credit though.

DL: Ah, I see. so The Time of Great Giving, the process of that film and the story?

DR: That was crazy. They wanted me to create a Thanksgiving theme along with a fire safety message!

DL: wait, WHAT!?

DR: Since there weren't exactly turkeys back then or a Thanksgiving holiday, I had to find a story that gave those values. It was a bit nutty!! I wrote the whole script then was asked to go back and put a fire safety message in there! But the value of giving thanks and being grateful, that was easy to do. If you watch it, you'll see the Valley has a big fire and Littlefoot helps veryone escape safely.

DL: well, ( i dont curse that often but) that must be absolute hell to write!

DR: When you write for kids you are used to putting in subliminal and obvious messages. But, yes, that one challenged me! But I've made my career on taking hard topics and making them entertaining. I'm working on a science and medicdd as l show for kids now and some of the medical stuff is downright boring! But! We are putting it all in space and using aliens for the medical scenes which makes it crazy fun. The ep I'm working on now deals with constipation!!! But I'm showing it by Mr heroes getting stuck inside a giant space creature who is constipated!!

DL: is that Weird Detention?

DR: Sorry for my bad typing.

DL: It's OK.

DR: No, this is for Dr. Theory. Weirf Detention address conflict resolution. Weirddetention.com

It addresses the need for better communication via magical realism. Three kids trapped in school detention with no way out.

DL: oh ok, but we're  gonna talk about that at the near end. your gonna spoil the the project!

I send her a smiley face emoji 😁

DR: Nah...

DL: that was suppose to be the suprise at the end.

DR: Ok. I ruined my own surprise party!

DL: besides your IMdb credits get shorter when time goes on.

DR: Very true! It's called ageism, Hard to get hired when you get passed forty.

DL: I see.

DR: That's why I do mostly my own productions now.

DL: Oh, OK. Stories of My Childhood, what was that? You wrote the elEnglish dub for a episode.

DR: That was hard! I was hired to take old Russian animation and redo the stories in English. I had to fit English in mouths that were animated for the Russian language. I often had to change the stories as they were very old and not great for American kids. So I was stuck with the animation and had to use it to tell a different story.

DL: did you watch The Snow Queen? old soviet animated film from 1957, that had a all star cast like Art Link-letter. if your old enough to know.

DR: It was not easy. Yes, I think another writer redid that one. Maybe Stephanie Mathison or Sindy McKay. It was fun to be in the editing room on it. Working to adjust the character's mouth movements

DL: Did you watched the first "Art link-letter' dub as a kid?

DR: No.

DL: Of The Snow Queen.

DR: No.

DL: Okay. So but how did you feel about the show using old 50s Russian animation to show to 90s kids?

DR: It was oddly fun to try and make the stories more relevant to our audiences. I loved the challenge but it was tedious!

DL: I can only imagine.

DR: Everything had to fit their visuals and we could only stretch or shorten their mouths so much. Very time consuming. But dubbing is often just doing a translation. I was often rewriting the meaning of the show. That was very difficult.

DL: oh, well how do you feel to be a dub writer?

DR: It was challenging. I wouldn't want to do it a lot!

DL: ok so journey through the mists, process for that film?

DR: That was my need to address xenophobia. Fear of the unknown. People being afraid of others who are different. The story tells that by putting the characters in a strange new place full of new creatures. They need to deal with their fear of others while finding important medicine for Littlefoot's grandfather.

DL: you introduce Chomper the Sharptooth in that right?

DR: No. Chomper is in the first one I was hired to rewrite.

DL: oh ok. how did you came up with him?

DR: I inherited him from the other writers.

DL: Okay.

[kinetic-elaboration]

November 26: Some More Writing Thoughts

So I used my huge vacation to write one (1) scene in my Time Loop fic that (appropriately enough) simply will not end and while this is objectively depressing, I do like the scene I wrote and I do feel pleased with myself for having written it, especially since it had been weighing on me for a very long time. So I feel optimistic. There are 9 scenes left in the fic: 4 in this chapter and 5 in the next. The remaining 4 in this chapter… are divided into 4 sections but should flow together pretty well, so I have this wild idea that maybe over the weekend I’ll do a big marathon session and write a lot of that at once.

If not, that’s fine. I’m not saying this to make promises or to put expectations on myself or whatever. I’m releasing myself of all artificial deadlines for this story. It’s the priority fic, I’ll work on it until it’s done, but getting to ‘done’ will take as long as it takes. My hope is to finish by the end of the calendar year—but again, if that doesn’t happen, such is life.

Anyway, the reason that I’m saying all this is that, as a treat, I’m letting myself think about the creative future again. I’m… in that liminal space, Sunday night, about to go back to work, but it’s the weird time of year. Everyone’s on holiday mode, no one really cares, it’s dark all the time, there are a lot of events—and I need to think about stuff like gift shopping and so on, and all I really want is to be cozy. I’m going to try to take this longer-term liminal space to re-settle myself (something I’ve been trying to do for months, sort of all year, sort of longer than a year, but the definition of being a human being is to be always optimistic I suppose) and maybe I’ll get writing done too and maybe before too terribly long I can move on to other projects.

And what will those projects be? I’ve been staring at the WIP List again. This is a habit of mine that is like… very strange, because it’s enjoyable and stressful at once. It always feels like it will be more productive than it is. Mostly it’s just staring at a list I’ve half-memorized and going… yeah, I’d like to work on that? But not now. The stars aren’t aligned. And then saying that over and over until I start to feel dizzy.

I have an old Jonty fic from like 2017 that I want to finish because I like what I have for it but it is just not a complete narrative that I could post as is. And I had an epiphany a while ago as to how to finish it in a fairly simple and clean way and I wrote down some notes. So I feel like… it will not be simple and easy because it has been a long time and it will be intimidating to get back into the story and try to match up the new text with the old. Also the story is peak 2017-me and I just don’t really think or write that way anymore. But I have this idea that it’s like a weekend-project or maybe something I work on intensely but in shorter chunks for a week, where I read over everything I have, think some more on the details of the remaining scenes, and just write them. In other words, it involves some prep work but if I devoted some discrete chunks of time to it, it’s a manageable task.

And the other story on my mind is the Millamy Road Trip I’ve been referencing a lot. As I mentioned yesterday, I’m pretty close to a workable outline for the first chapter, and though I do think it needs a little more work and to marinate, it’s a very promising next project after Time Loop is finally done (which will happen!! It will happen someday, impossible as it seems now!). This is a comparatively newer project to a lot of the other ones on the list… which is to say it is not new, but since I started planning it for serious, it’s grown and developed a lot, and all of that work has been more recent. I feel like that should make it… easier? Or at least a good balance to the Jonty fic, which is definitely from way back in the vault.

I just… hmm, I want to post things. I want to post things and I want those things to be old projects and I have this idea that this will provide me with a sense of accomplishment. It’s not really that simple, but that’s the fantasy of it. I also sometimes like imagining what I will work on farther down the line, a longer to do list, even if I know that planning even two projects ahead of the current one is probably a bad idea.

I need to get back into SGAU—that’s not in the writing stages unfortunately so I should probably bring it back into active rotation as soon as Time Loop is complete. And after Ch1 of the Road Trip AU, maybe one of my horror stories? Maybe a chapter of some other multi-chap idea? I don’t know. I just don’t know.

[talenlee]

The Man In The Memer

Hmm, is that a Michael Jackson reference too spicy to use. Not sure. Well, I’m sure my better judgment will kick in before I post this. Or maybe it won’t, because what I want to talk to about today is the idea of autoconnoisseurship.

Look you get this or you get me venting anxiety about realising that not only am I not connected to the lives of my students, but that disconnect is going to only ever get wider. My brief window of time of teaching people who share the same brainworms with me is a fleeting memory of the before lockdowns.

What a word. Look at it. It gets all French in the middle there. Double ses and suchlike. I bet if you showed me a noisseur in a D&D rulebook I’d be like oh yeah of course it’s like a lance. It’s a long word, and it’s a long word made up of other words bolted together. It’s such a wonderfully complex word, like other ones I’ve introduced you to. Do you remember autoethnography? What about hyperintertextuality? It’s a word like that, and it’s a word I get from an author called Estelle Barrett, in the book Practice as Research. Great book, love it, reading it over and over again to try and make sure I understand it hasn’t scrampled my prains or anything.

Connoisseurship is the idea of being an expert, competent, critical judge of something, and particularly, in the context of that thing’s subtle distinctions. A connoisseur isn’t a fan; they’re someone who can recognise all the distinct and varied ways in elements within the space of interest are similar and different. The connoisseur appreciates deteails, appreciates nuance. The connoisseur is by practice, an expert, because without expertise, there can be no appreciative comparison. To be a connoisseur is to have context, and appreciate context, and be able to share that context.

Connoisseurship or as the ‘pronounce it aloud’ button on merriam webster asserts, connor sir ship, is therefore the practice of being a conoisseur. It’s about putting in work to understand, catalogue and recognise these nuances and their distinctions. And autoconnoisseurship is about being able to do that in the context of your own work. To look at your own work as if it is worth being catalogued, sorted, scrutinised, recognised and considered.

Barrett, by the way, is building on ideas from Michel Foucault, notorious baldy and prison-mentioner, so this isn’t like weirdo outsider ideas.

This is hard. Connoisseurship means positioning yourself as an expert, and one capable of recognising distinctions between distinct elements. When examining one’s own work, I feel like there’s a natural flexibility. If someone compares one of my games, for example, to another, similar game, I can feel the need, for the sake of conversation, to concur, even if another person bringing up another wildly different comparison might seem equally valid. Setting aside the social grace and the natural imposition of capitalism in here (if I didn’t have to convince people to pay money for my games, would I still feel the need to couch my games in terms of appealing to people?), there’s a question about what I really mean in terms of expertise. What’s nailed down about these things, how much room and flex is there in their discussion?

I am a little sensitive about my OCs and the characters I write in fiction, for example; I can see very clear delineating lines, different kinds of scenes and narratives into which they fit, the assumptions of their world. Rafe and Tideward are both orphaned children of royal parentage with a bad dad and a gift for violence, but one of them can make his problems go away by finding the right wall to burst through and the other sulks a lot. I am thrilled by knowing from my friends that Talen Boy is its own archetype, almost its own gender (indeed, having been told that ‘this girl is a Talen boy’ at least once), but that always comes with the anxiety that I am boring my friends, that I am sharing with them creative stuff that they think could be better, more or original, that this character archetype they’ve seen before is something depriving them of something new.

In the context of connnoisseurship, though, there is an element for the connoisseur that I think this blog has built in me over time; that there is, along with the assumption of expertise, the right to be heard. A connoisseur presents expertise and that expertise is itself worthwhile in its presentation. Being interested in presenting this information is reason enough to present it. By having this expertise, I demand the elevation of the subject in which I am expert.

Which is pretty cool.

That’s not all there is to it, though. There’s a little more, which is an idea from Melissa Febos (Associate Professor at the University of Iowa), of the idea of how this autoconnoisseurship imposes on ourselves a preoccupation with your perceptions of others’ perceptions. Does this read right? Is this joke tasteful? Am I making something that presents an idea I’ve heard because it’s interesting, or am I mining others’ grief for sport? Am I being kickass, or just an ass, or am I showing my ass?

There’s this phrase Febos uses that I think about a lot, which is you have to write for the reader of best faith.

The internet has geared me to be generally confrontational over the past oh god thirty years I’ve been using it. I know I’ve gotten better about that, because in my twenties I was ferocious about looking for fights. But now I think there’s a natural impulse to pre-emptively defend ideas from people who are looking for ways to criticse it. The piss on the poor website effect.

Exile the thoughts of the person who is looking to invalidate the art you are making or it will be a brittle, sad version of what you would have done if you had imagined the loving reader who is grateful and interested in what it is you are actually trying to communicate.

(Paraphrasing Febos).

Oh and part of why I wrote this was to share this idea but also to get used to writing connoisseurship a lot by hand without just googling it and copy-pasting.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[ofmermaidstories]

first person feels like I'm not actually being included. and I read x reader cause the stories supposed to be about me bro. I hope you take this in a funny joking way thank you

I really like how the general consensus is: “first person isn’t about me, and I’m not about that 💅🏽” LMAO. I mean that affectionately!!! It like, makes sense that these are the replies, because we’re all involved in the x Reader niche and we’re coming from that perspective, an inherently self-indulgent one. 2nd Person POV, as we use it here in this corner, is unadulterated with it’s wish-fulfilment so i’m not surprised at these answers tbh.

There was like, idk, a bit of a trend on tiktok—trend is a strong word, it was maybe just something I noticed over the course of a few months on like, booktok i guess, but people would make videos or comments about the character in the book they were reading having like, idk, “red hair and green eyes” for example, and then being like, “no babe, she’s got dark hair and dark eyes like me and is exactly my height and is also me 💅🏽” and I just found that so—fascinating??? LMAO. Because to me, I see 1st Person POV narratives (outside of fic, anyways) as like…. deliberately narrow??? Like yeah, you’re focused on this one person for a reason, they’re telling you a story. I think as a writing tool, it’s a good one to use for like, idk, unreliable narrators, maybe, or even stories where you deliberately want a narrow scope when it comes to the story’s field of vision.

In fic, especially, we always seem to equate 1st Person to like, Original Characters—I’m thinking the classic, My Immortal’s Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Way—but I find that apart of the charm??? Like I said, some of my favourite books are done in 1st Person POV (Flowers in the Attic, which I’ve shilled before, opens with: “It is so appropriate to colour hope yellow, like that sun we seldom saw. And as I begin to copy from the old memorandum journals that I kept for so long, a title comes as if inspired: Open the Window and Stand in the Sunshine. Yet, I hesitate to name our story that. For I think of us more as flowers in the attic. Paper flowers. Born so brightly coloured, and fading duller through all those long, grim, dreary, nightmareish days when we were held prisoners of hope, and kept captives by greed.” and i truly, utterly and deeply believe that 1st Person was the right choice for that story, because then it gave Catherine—our main character—the witnesses to the horror that she and her siblings went through that she absolutely needed.) but writing wise, I’ve only ever used 1st Person for original ideas (romances!! I was a teenager and wrote them in notebooks and then lent said notebooks to my friends. I wrote things like… quiet mousey girls who got picked on by the hot school bully—lmfaoooooo—but then found herself growing closer to his equally hot, gentle best friend. 😌 The school Loud Mouth who gets paired with her Arch Nemesis on a project and they fight the entire time 😌😌 A spin-off with her best friend who’s falling in love with her neighbour—oh my god i gave myself everything I WANTED back then… there was no hiding. The 1st Person POV probably made it worse LMFAO. Everyone in my stories were based off of people I went to school with—my friends, people we hated, the boys we had crushes on. It was a free-for-all and it was so good, so much fun, and I will fight to death for spaces like Wattpad—spaces for kids and any other newcomer, where they can run rampant with their creativity, no matter how unpolished!!! anyways that was a tangent—).

I don’t know if 1st Person would even be a thing you could pull off with a x Reader, just given the nature of x Readers in general…… 🧐 our inner narrative is literally just about ourselves…. like, hmm. 🧐 Maybe you could??? Like, idk about the rest of you, but i don’t walk around thinking “oh my gosh, there i go, all 5’7’’ of me with my wild dark hair and my dark eyes that I blink at people charmingly when I want things” LMAOO. Like, my inner narrative is more about what I’m feeling, what’s making me feel that way, random thoughts like—I’m sitting in my chair right now, writing this, and every time i glance up I keep accidentally making eye contact with my Bakugou nendoriod and it’s a bit weird—idk. Hm. I reckon someone adventurous could pull it off… but you’d have to be prepared to do that and have an audience of like, one LOL because!!! Again, idk about the rest of you, but when I’m going into fanfic to read something I’m hunting for something specific and I am ruthless, because so often as a reader I don’t get the luxury of being that cut-throat with general literature. So I think just by virtue of being able to narrow down your searches that people are going to be more dismissive of fics that don’t have exactly what they want.

oh my God i’ve just convinced myself to write a 1st Person POV fic FUUUUUU—

[phoebehalliwell]

how would you rank the seasons from least to most favourite?

alright okay right off the bat worst season season 7. for starters i think this season has no staying power i mean like since i’ve been running this blog 4 so long now my knowledge of charmed is encyclopedic and insanely vast more than like it ever need be but for the longest time. i could not remember season 7. like wtf even happened there?? evidently leo became human??? cole returned? the avatars??? like all of it was just. it’s not even necessarily forgettable it’s just i straight up could not remember it for the longest time. and i’ve said it before the concept of utopia was way to advanced for a show like charmed to tackle i am not watching charmed for moral philosophy i am watching bc i love these girls ♥ hee hee hoo hoo magic adventure ✨ tho if i am to offer a single comment on utopia: it’s awfully rich for a show to go on about destiny and fate and then take a stand against utopia in the name of free will. but w/e. i don’t like leo in the avatars i don’t like his dynamic with piper in this season i don’t like whatever phoebe’s doing this season there’s like leslie?? maybe there’s someone else? boring & flavorless they should have been setting up her endgame instead of puttering around. and kyle. zoo wee mama. could have been a great antihero. morally gray. duplicitous. self serving. but no. they gave him all those traits and called him hero/love interest. s7 left a lot to be desired out of the characters and their relationships also gave us phat L’s such as the charmed ones are werewolves don’t worry about it and feminism peaked with naked women. shout out to zankou: demon, dilf, dub & the noir episode.

you know what? fuck it i’ll say it second worse season 5 genuinely fuck season five. this is probably a Very Specific beef 2 me But. i hate what they did to the charmed universe. this was the season that marked the transition of charmed from supernatural drama to campy soap which like. i love camp! i do! but fr. fuck this season and what it did to the worldbuilding. the early season have Such A Vibe to them man with warlocks and witches and just a couple niche monsters from assorted lore that the show took and made their own. season five opens with mermaids goes directly into fairytales then gives us superheros whatever the fuck was going on in that mummy episode the sandman leprechauns and nymphs. and i hate it for that. it takes away from this urban fantasy things that go bump in the night what lurks in the shadows of the back alleys of san francisco in favor of the ugliest cinderella dress ever put to television and an onslaught of horrible irish accents for a full episode. other issues with season five: cole’s still here? why? they don’t know and neither will you! we’re not redeeming him! phoebe’s not getting back together with him! yes he died we just refuse to let him go! the cherry on top of course being a cole-centric 100th episode. shout out to. hmm. lemme think about what i actually liked about this season. i like jason dean as a love interest i don’t remember what he did in s5 but i know he was there. the season finale i’ve talked about how stupid & shitty it was but idc i still love that episode and then shout out to bacarra the only original villain this season that was a proper serve. the crone gets second place.

next on this come on we all saw it coming season 8. it’s a bad season! and i get bts there was a whole lot happening budget cuts missing actor etc. but it goes beyond that. it was a bad season. billie and christie were bad. and i’ve said this before but billie in herself is not an inherently bad character. she was just the literal worst for the show. she was a dollar store buffy blonde confident cocky skilled and ready 2 fight evil But. we are not following her like we followed buffy we are following her mentors. it’s like if we had a show called giles that aired for seven seasons And Then buffy showed up. billie was insanely irritating to watch from our perspective and in general wasn’t like. well written. attempts to humanize her / give her more depth often fell flat. and then christy. oh nelly. oh my god. barely a character. not well acted but hey it would have been a miracle if she was. negatives include dumain who was a mess omg bringing back the triad bringing back the source billie & christy obvi and also involving homeland security. which is season 7′s fault which is why it’s the worst. dubs on the other hand include both coop and henry i really liked them the shoehorned love interests weren’t great but i like their characters i though the way the got rid of leo to save on the budget was really creative and gave us a great piper episode and of course the sugary sweet finale i love it i do what can i say.

yet another controversial choice aptly coming in fourth is season 4. i respect what season 4 set out to do. i think it was a good idea. long form narratives, keeping a darker tone, focusing on character-driven drama and growth. too bad it fucking failed miserably at all of this. cole as the source and phoebe as the queen of hell was just so so botched. they had a very unique opportunity following the death of prue to explore these characters and what it means to them to be charmed, to be witches. they saved the world but the cost is insanely high. they’ve lost an older sister. they’ve gained a new sister. how do you even begin to cope with all this? episodes such as hell hath no fury and brain drain fuck so hard because they work with exactly that. had the whole season been like those episode season four would sit at number one with flying colors absolutely no competition. but alas. we can’t have nice things. the show got so bogged down with phoebe & cole, in a way that was just so, so messy. for starters, whether you loved cole or hated him before, we can all agree source!cole sucked. he was such a strong 180 from what we had seen that the show had to make the source some type of possession to justify half the shit they were trying to pull. and then to pit phoebe and paige against one another over a man was just. disgusting. and the ending of course felt rushed because it was! they wrapped up that entire issue in a nice little bow much faster than they reasonably should have been able to. it could have been a great season. it was definitely not. shout out to the seer an iconic mastermind on barbas levels, as previously stated brain drain and hell hath no fury Specific shout out to piper’s scene at prue’s grave shout out to paige as a character i like what they did with her and um. yeah that’s it.

okay we’re exiting the shit tier in favorite of the good tier welcome to the upper half. kicking us off is season 6. season 6 did what season 4 could not in that it gave us a long form plot that still left plenty of room for like. normal demon of the week episodes. i love phoebe early in this season with her faboo haircut her brand new empathy power and her relationship with jason dean. obvious strikes against for whatever the fuck that baby crazy stint was and also the mata hari episode. yikes. i love paige’s hair color in this season nothing paige as a character necessarily stands out to me however i like how they seem to have hit the blend of work-magic with paige where she wants a life and career outside of magic however she still loves the craft and embraces is with an open heart and mind. season six also gives us chris who was a very fun male lead imo we really didn’t have many like him he’s bitchy. he whines and bitches a lot he’s got an agenda he’s a bit secretive but at the end of the day he just wants a family i like him. i like the character growth we see out of piper i like seeing her try to move on from leo i love seeing her get back together with leo i like her dynamic with chris and her fears about motherhood. i also liked richard but that one takes a lot of justification. L’s are witchstock hyde school reunion used karma off the top of my head also the paige/richard/addiction plotline was so tone deaf. also the girls were mean to darryl : ( he deserved so much better. dubs were chris as a character, tbh the episode little monsters, phoebe with empathy specifically saying i love you too to jason i could write a dissertation on that line alone also the courtship of wyatt’s father and i thought the reveals of evil wyatt and chris being piper and leo’s son were both fun and interesting plot twists.

coming in third is actually season 2 a season i really do love it’s just. it lacks structure. imo there is a lot to love about season 2 morality bites and pardon my past are both delightful time travel episodes we get jack sheridan and bane jessup two of my personal favorite prue love interests we get p3 h2o and a great prue plotline regarding the death of patty we get the super cute cupid episode it’s a great. collection of episodes. it’s not a great season. there’s just imo not a strong enough thread connecting the stories together it’s mainly held together by having the same characters in it over and over again i really liked dan personally but like. i knew we were wasting time there. he was just an obstacle. a super cute loving and caring obstacle who’s great with kids but lbr piper and leo were always endgame. wasting our time on dan was stupid. i do love the sister dynamics in season two “gotta hand it to those pesky little demons they sure have brought us closer together” but again. this season could have benefitted from a rex and hannah type or even like a cole or zankou. this season is less of a season and more of just like a handful of episodes, and while there are some fat dubs, there are also some definite swings & misses. shout out to the time travel episodes the prue centric episodes phoebe’s character growth and maturity throughout this season (e.g. her going back to college) and i also think the fashion got a lot more fun this season.

second place i’m saying season one season one was a really strong start and gave us these really compelling characters with interesting relationships between one another But. a lot of it just kinda falls flat. and credit where credit is due it was a brand new show getting its feet under it but the fourth sister feats of clay which prue is it anyway they just simply aren’t dubs imo. also i don’t like that 70′s episode bc again i am an asshole concerned about The Lore i can’t believe one bitch ass warlock caused the Charmed Ones to grow up without powers. it just really bugs me. all in all the plots as a whole like aren’t great imo they’re nothing to write home about (save for from fear to eternity) it’s really the characters that make this season so goddamn good.

first place congratulations to the one the only season three. this is just because it kinda hits all my requirements in that it has some banger one offs (e.g. all halliwell’s eve, the good, the bad, and the cursed) it has an overarching plot at the exact same time as the source becomes more prominent and obvi cole is also there with murderous intent i like the character growth we see especially from prue i like piper and leo finally get married overall i really like the aesthetic of this season that blends a darker urban fantasy tone with still some charmed fashion and whimsy. strikes against tbh phoebe and cole’s relationship i am insanely picky with my enemies to lovers and the do not come remotely close to cutting the mustard in fact they are almost immediately disqualified however from afar i can see and respect The Drama. shout out to recasting victor prue with pistols death as a character and shannen directing episodes

[sometimesrosy]

What is your take on the grounders? I just have no idea where their story is going since S3 essentially where we saw their politics they haven’t seemed to change or adapt at all. They are always one step away from a mutiny no matter who tries to unite them, its a never ending cycle of temporary unity, infighting, violence and mutiny.

Well, I mean... if the show is about breaking the cycle of violence and abuse and tyranny and putting humanity on a different path to a better world, then it seems to me that the STORY of the grounders is that the society needs to come to an end.

For precisely the reasons you mention.

It’s not the ONLY society that needs to come to an end. So does sky crew. The ark may not have been as violent and barbaric as the grounders, but it was more oppressive and repressive. MW also NEEDED to come to an end. It would have been nice to reintegrate some of those people into a new society but that was impossible because of the society as it was. Sanctum also needs to come to an end. It is fascist and a nightmare. The eligius prisoners are barely a society, they’re more like a bunch of violent criminals dressed sitting on each other’s shoulders and dressed in a trench coat. They nearly devoured themselves with the first freedom they found in Eden. I can’t tell about the COG yet. I don’t know who they are.

I think actually one of the main ideas of this story is revolutionary in nature.

In order to set the world on a better path, to do better, to be better, and allow humanity its redemption, the old world needs to end.

This is revolution.

Our heroes are the rebels. Sometimes they can change things without violence, using reason, community, support, friendship, opportunity, vision, etc. But when faced with violent societies that want to destroy opportunity, hope, opposition and their own people, then the only response is... well... violence.

If their position was that only peace was the answer, then Luna’s society would have survived, instead of being eaten by the original violence. If their position was that ONLY peace was the answer, then Monty would not ALSO have been a killer. 

Where is the story of the grounders going? Change or die. That’s where it’s going. 

We’ve got characters who supported that change... most notably Lincoln, who shifted the whole story. He died for it, but he didn’t fail. Luna failed because she didn’t support that change, she was an isolationist. She didn’t try to change anything, she just left it behind and ignored it and lived a life pretending it didn’t exist, no matter what happened. MAYA supported that change, and even though she didn’t survive, she succeeded. She wanted to help her people change but they were unable to, and so her people failed to change and died. Monty supported that change, and he SUCCEEDED, he didn’t fail. He may have failed with the earth itself, because the people, wonkru and eligius, were too violent, but he rescued the survivors and set them on a better path... a STEP to authentic transformation. GABRIEL supported that change and did what he could, but it was not enough. Perhaps he was too gentle, refusing to face down his people, who he loved, who were doing wrong. 

Oh hey. Diyoza supported that change... but I think she’s more like Clarke and Bellamy, willing to take down the evil in order to save the people. But she failed. And we didn’t see that story, we only saw her after she failed, although we did see her try to set up a better society, which also failed because of the violence of eligius and wonkru. So she failed there too. Kane also supported that change, he failed to do it himself, but influenced others, Bellamy, Octavia, Clarke, Miller, Harper, to do better. Sometimes the successes come in stages, and one generation alone can’t do it. 

Huh. It’s interesting that every one of our societies has rebels within it who attempt to change the violence.

THIS is the story of the rebels. 

The delinquents and their found family are the REBELS attempting to wrest the violence of their post apocalyptic societies away from the violence and oppression that surrounds them.

Hmm. I have a theory that I’m beginning to wonder about that grounds this science fiction show in history and the politics of the country that are blowing up right now. Ok. so stay with me. It all begins with JR, where he comes from, and what this show all MEANS. (I know everyone hates JR, but this is irrelevant in trying to UNDERSTAND JR, her perspective, and what he’s trying to say with this show.

First. JR is from Detroit. I mean, maybe he’s from white flight detroit or Grosse Point the rich suburb, idk. But where he’s from is a place that has suffered a LOT because of racism and class oppression. I had a slightly older baker friend (white lady) when I lived in Michigan, who told me stories of sitting on her front porch in Detroit, watching tanks drive down her street. And that put me to mind of what we’ve seen in the news lately, of militaristic forces going down civilian streets shooting rubber bullets to get them to go inside. 

So I googled to see where JR was from. I didn’t get anything specific about his background, but I did find out that before The 100, he created a pilot called “The Body Politic” that was a drama about about young DC staffers. It was never picked up but was considered “one of the best pilots you’ll never see.” [x] I was not clear on what “the body politic” meant, so I looked it up.

bod��y pol·i·tic/ˈˌbädē ˈpälətik/ noun

the people of a nation, state, or society considered collectively as an organized group of citizens."individual dissent was considered necessary to the health of the body politic"

huh. Body Politic. The head and the heart. And we’ve been talking about the parts of the body the other characters represent. 

I think The 100 is The Body Politic turned into a post apocalyptic sf show.

Okay. Back to detroit. I googled civil unrest detroit and found out about the 

The 1967 Detroit Riot, also known as the 12th Street Riot, was the bloodiest incident in the "Long, hot summer of 1967". Composed mainly of confrontations between black residents and the Detroit Police Department, it began in the early morning hours of Sunday July 23, 1967, in Detroit, Michigan

I MEAN. Like. HELLO 2020. 

And it turns out that JR was born ONE MONTH before the Detroit Riot. Clearly too young to remember it, but also clearly, when looking at his creative projects, it DID influence him. 

He was born into a city in revolt. His show tells the story of the heroes of revolt, not the leaders or military (the guards who terrified octavia, bellamy becoming a guard as betrayal,) Also, he’s jewish and a lot of jewish people took part in the civil rights movement, and considering his story, he may have been raised by parents in a community that fought with black people against racism. This is speculation, but you can tell what matters to people by what they write about, and sff has ALWAYS offered a way for people to write about social injustice by taking it out of the context of the real world and putting it into a fantasy setting, thereby allowing people to see the people in the political conflicts without the implicit bias of our societal racism, bigotry, classism, homophobia and other isms. 

This analysis should make fans who think JR is going to go the way of D&D feel better. Because D&D NEVER EVER had political motivations to their work. They weren’t trying to make a better world, they were just trying to make money and are in fact on the side of the oppressors, as you can see by how the story ended up when they were in charge of the narrative. Because according to what I’m saying, JR is on the side of the oppressed, and on the side of the revolutionaries who want to end the system that tyrannizes them. So our heroes, the revolutionaries, should be victorious. He’s not going grim dark. He’s going hope in the darkness. It might still be a romantic tragedy, but these revolutionaries are going to win and bring about the rebirth of humanity. 

Where was I going with this?

Oh you asked about the grounders and you got a surprise “JR says we’re going to find out what it all means, what does it all mean???” answer.

Because the answers are connected. Where is the society of the grounders going? Where all the oppressive societies are going. Gone.

If they don’t change with the revolution, they’re going to be eradicated. SOME are changing. Niylah, Gaia, Indra. 

Our friends are burning down the old world, so that the new world may start again. That’s what wanheda is for. The poison must be cut out. The cancer must be killed. The deadwood must be burned. 

Make it go boom. 

[narukoibito]

charity work bonus snippet

@the-hinny-shipper

Oh my gosh I love this. Probably not, but is there like a part 2 or something? I know that's meant to be the end, but I need to know what happens next.

Thank you so much for the kind words to charity work, my Muggle AU where Ginny is a famous football player who helps Harry teepee and egg his ex’s house! ♥️

I am actually working on a part 2. Harry and Ginny of this world just couldn’t stop chattering in my head, and there’s about 2.5k words thus far. I know what’s going to happen - I just need to write, edit, and pull the trigger and post it... 

But in the meantime, I am sharing a funny little subplot that I wasn’t sure was ever going to see the light of day. It’s a bit of a prequel that I started but then dropped because it didn’t add much to the story...but today I thought, eh, why not share since we can all use some laughs now more than ever. It’s unbetaed, and I’m still iffy on it, but I hope you this will tide you over until I get part 2 posted.

(Also tagging the lovely @isidar-mithrim​ and @blattgefluester​ in case you are interested since you were both so amazingly kind toward charity work!)

Summary: This wasn’t what Seamus had in mind when he suggested Ginny do more charity work.

*

The Prophet landing on the table with a loud thud.

“What’s this?”

“This, Ginny, is the result of your spectacular interview with Miss Rita Skeeter.”

Ginny lifted her chin, pushing the paper away from her and returning to shoveling her porridge down. “So it’s the usual rubbish.”

Seamus pursed his lips, annoyed that once again she wasn’t taking this seriously. “Rubbish it may be, but rubbish that sells.”

She arched an eyebrow at him. “So are you here as my publicist or as a friend?”

“Can’t I be both?” He grinned.

She prodded the offensive article with distaste. “What do they say this time?”

“Well, Miss Skeeter took it upon herself to approach all your exes for an ‘expose.’”

“I like to kick a ball for a living. I don’t understand the obsession with my love life.”

“The all-star player who went pro at your age with your looks?” Seamus winked. Ginny rolled her eyes.

“Don’t let Dean catch you doing that.”

“He knows I’m a hopeless flirt,” he dismissed cheerfully.

She made a strangled, irritated noise. 

“Look, it’s not too bad.” He unfurling the paper with a wince. The headliner, Wonder Girl Weasley Not So Wonderful Girlfriend?, paired with an unflattering photo of Ginny shoving a camera away from her face flashed back at her. “She found some, er, old classmates to go on the record.”

Ginny’s expression darkened. “Record about what?”

“You remember when you stopped people from bullying Luna? And Neville? And when Dean and I got together? Well, somehow Skeeter got in touch with Parkinson, Zabini, Smith... Skeeter may or may not insinuate that you’re…aggressive. Have a bit of a temper.” 

Ginny grabbed the paper and began reading loudly, “Since the early days of her youth, Ginevra Molly Weasley, better known as Ginny, the Wonder Girl Weasley, has been bewitching men to do her bidding. We here at The Prophet have long extolled the many virtues of Miss Weasley, but I, your fearless investigator of truth, uncovered a disturbing pattern in how Miss Weasley wraps men around her little finger. What others thought was wit and charm, I have uncovered may actually be the result of a threatening temper. I dare to ask, should we be concerned with Miss Weasley’s trail of broken hearts and perhaps other broken body parts?”

He bit his tongue as Ginny read the part where Rita expounded on Ginny’s "commoner” country-side upbringing” surrounded by her “rowdy” brothers as the source of her “violent streak.” 

“I only punched Parkinson once, and that was when she poured punch on Luna!” Ginny scrunched up the newspaper and flung it angrily into the bin. “She goes on about some weird sorcery I have with men.” 

“Look, I’ve already called Parvati about getting you on some morning shows, but maybe this time we can agree on some talking points, hmm? And maybe have you do some charity work, show your gentle, caring side. Get some positive press coverage.”

She continued to fume, muttering under her breath, “Skeeter gives witches a bad name.”

“It’ll all pass, Ginny,” Seamus smiled at her sympathetically. “Come back later tonight. Dean’s making roast, and we’ll talk about how to set the narrative straight.”

He sent her on her way, hoping that practice would relieve some of the rage.

*

Seamus’s head emerged from the oven, his face flushed scarlet. “Ginny, you can’t just go meet random fans and help them commit a crime!”

Even after all these years, she never ceased to amaze them. But this - randomly taking an Instagram follower’s request to egg and teepee a house? This was one of Ginny’s more...creative ideas.

“That’s right,” Dean agreed, taking the roast and plating it. “For all you know he could wank to your posters.”

“Well then you’d know he has good taste,” she said, dripping her finger into the cooling gravy.

“Ginny,” they sighed together in exasperation and pushing her away from the kitchen counter. 

“What happened between this morning and now?” 

“You’re always saying I should do more charity,” she said pointedly.

“You know that’s not what I meant,” Seamus wagged a finger at her. She folded her arms across her chest, staring them down (which was quite the accomplishment, considering how much taller they were). 

“We can’t let you do this.”

“When has anyone ever let me do anything?” Her eyes narrowed dangerously.

Seamus and Dean shared a long look, no doubt both of them remembering that one time she broke into the headmaster’s office to steal back the replica toy sword Ron was stupid enough wear to school as part of his knight costume for Halloween.

“Look,” Dean said carefully, leading her into the dining room as Seamus followed, plates of food laden in his arms. “We know you’re more than capable to taking care of yourself.”

“Damn straight,” she said, but she let him gently nudge her into her seat. 

“But as your friends — ”

“One of whom would like to stay gainfully employed,” Seamus cut in, playing the food on the table.

“—and who would absolutely be murdered by your brothers if they ever found out, we want to make sure you’re…thinking straight.”

“I can take care of myself.”

“Oh, we know,” Seamus said, deadpan. “But I really don’t need another article supporting this theory that you’re aggressive. If you beat the bloke up and the press catches wind of it…”

“I’m going. I put this idea into his head. And look at him,” she said, holding up a picture of H-P-Lightening, smiling sheepishly into the camera.

They examined the photo skeptically as Ginny tucked into dinner. Maybe while they were distracted, she could nick an extra bit of roast.

“He’s cute,” Seamus pointed out.

Ginny rolled her eyes. “Not the point.” 

"Doesn’t hurt,” Dean said.

“He and I share a similar goal: to serve some much-needed justice in the world. And since I can’t go about egging Michael’s house without it ending up on the Sunday papers, I can at least help someone else.”

“His hair is an absolute disaster, but it somehow works on him,” Seamus continued, ignoring her.

“Those green eyes,” Dean said appreciatively.

“Plays football too,” Seamus said, clicking through to some videos. “He’s fit.”

Now they were both giving Ginny a look with entirely new context.

“It’s not like that,” she said breezily.

“Maybe she’s hoping he wanks to her poster,” Seamus snickered, not believing her for a second.

“He could wind up in trouble if he doesn’t know what he’s doing.”

“And you’re an expert?” Dean asked.

“I’m a Weasley.” She smiled wickedly, and they laughed. “Besides, who am I to ignore a gentleman in distress?”

“Okay, fine, if we can’t stop you —”

She snorted.

“—then we’re coming with you.”

“What?”

“We’ll watch from a safe distance,” Seamus assured her, Dean nodding along. “Just to make sure you don’t end up in the papers.”

“We will help you hide the body,” Dean said.

Ginny looked from one to the other. They were grinning at her, half eager and half earnestly. She didn’t need them to come. She was more than capable of taking care of herself. But, suppose this turned out to be something she wasn’t expecting…

“Fine, but —” she added quickly when they started to wiggle their eyebrows at one another “—the moment, and I mean the very moment I give you the signal, you better make yourself scarce.”

Dean and Seamus beamed across the table. “Whatever you want, luv!”

*

“You can’t stay if you’re going to be this obvious.” Ginny growled.

“Obvious? We’re perfectly inconspicuous,” Seamus bristled.

“You brought binoculars,” she said dryly, placed her hands on her hips. “And a bat."

“Told you she wouldn’t like that,” Dean said.

“I won’t use the bat. It’s just in case we need to scare him off.”

Ginny and Dean gave him a look.

“What? This person could be tricking us!”

When Ginny’s glare made his back hair stick on end, Seamus relented.

“Fine, we’ll cross the street,” Seamus said, taking Dean by the arm. When they turned around, Ginny was still scowling, whipping out her phone and texting them furiously.

You are going to have to HIDE.

There’s nothing strange about us being here! Seamus typed back.

You’re two random, loitering blokes, ready to stalk or bean someone. If you’re going to stay, you’re going to hide. Ginny over at them critically. Behind those bushes.

“Ugh,” Seamus groaned, crouching down and behind the bushes with his boyfriend dutifully following. He swatted at a twig that was unpleasantly digging into the side of his bum.

Happy? he texted her back.

Delirious. Remember. You both better leave when I give the signal. Or else.

A shudder went down his spine, knowing very well what Ginny was capable of.

“This isn’t what I imagined our cozy Friday evening being.”

“You don’t really mind,” Dean said, smiling knowingly.

Seamus huffed and peered into the binoculars rather than reply. Yes, he was worried about this blowing up in his face (things often did), but he couldn’t deny he was a bit curious. He had never seen Ginny look that way at a photo before.

“You just want a front row seat,” Dean teased.

“Shut — oh, I think that’s him!”

They watched with anticipation as a lanky, bespectacled bloke with tousled black hair ascended the train station steps. He seemed to be deeply brooding as Ginny approached him. Through the binoculars, Seamus watched as this fellow, Harry something-or-other, looked up, eyes wide, and nearly tripped over the last step.

“They seem to be hitting it off,” Dean said as Ginny and Harry laughed before she handed him a hoodie.

They began walking, and Seamus scrambled to follow. “Come on.”

He kept an eye out for anyone else who might be around, but there didn’t seem to be anyone who recognized or followed Ginny.

“I think we can leave the bat.” Dean chuckled, swiping the binoculars for a closer look himself.

They trailed the other couple from across the street, doing the best they could to be inconspicuous. Ginny and this bloke looked good together. He looked oddly charming with his wild hair and glasses, but it was really the way he looked at Ginny at set Seamus at ease. They kept talking, laughing, smiling at one another. Seamus hadn’t seen her laugh so much since…he couldn’t even remember.

Was that — was Ginny Weasley blushing?

After several minutes, Seamus and Dean stopped and looked at each other.

Ginny had completely forgotten about them. 

“Do you think if we leave now, we can still catch the last half of the game?”

“Yeah,” Seamus said, taking Dean’s hand as they headed home.

Maybe their Friday evening plans could be salvaged after all.

[cobalt-penguin]

y’know what i’m still feeling annoyed and petty, plus i’m stuck inside and it’s storming out so why not type out a checklist of what everyone in TOW did to me.

since i am mean and manipulative, petty and pathetic, and so much more? why not bring up some old beef and give ya’ll something to eat. 

Gansey: tried repeatedly to instigate drama -- if not actively break up -- my OC ships by encouraging -- through IC shenanigans -- cheating and lying. One of these happened while I was on vacation with my family and i still remember crying about it in a hotel bathroom because i thought one of my few ships in the RP was over and I hadn’t even been asked about it. This also included trying to get his OC Tomas to make IC/OOC (hey you can feign innocence when it’s in that dubiously OOC space, until its receptive in which case you can say it was IC the whole time!) at one of my ship partner’s OCs. Made repeated fat jokes at one of my fat characters (the same one they were clearly trying to get away from their partner...hmm...). Claimed I was always running to vague on my personal. Fair enough, I did, but they did the same thing. In poem form. Never answered my message about leaving the RP group because they felt ‘disrespected” by it. Repeatedly including untagged dubcon/noncon elements on the dashboard and triggering me. Lying to Ivy and me about having a full Overwatch party then trying to say “oh it just emptied you can join now”. hid this “FAR” idea from the rest of the RP community and then played coy when they got found out and asked about it by another anon (not me). Made fun of other RP groups in Tumblr tags then, when I asked them and their friends not to, was told “we’re a step above them.” Saying I was excluding them from things when I asked to play OW with them AND invited them to my horror RP group AND, only months beforehand, were inviting them to my Marvel RP??Trying to emotionally manipulate me through threatening to kill characters they had obviously grown tired of playing (probably because their major connections were to me and not their other friends) -- “haha i’m probably going to kill (my oc) idk but doesn’t that make you upset?? what will (your character) even do??” Engaging in nasty “”IC”” interactions with my character, basically telling me, through them, off, and being supported by the entire community in doing so. All of this really hurt me because I considered Gansey a friend and a major inspiration at one point in my life. Someone I non-jokingly looked up to and trusted. I feel like Gansey left TAR, our first RP group, because of how controlling, self-interested, petty, and mean-spirited the admins there were. That they were limiting other people’s creativity while building up their own narrative -- everyone else just there to be their audience. But you and Roman literally became Usa and Jen. Congrats. You lived long enough to become everything you’d rebelled against. And yes Gansey -- I saw all of your messages to everyone. Emotionally manipulating others -- telling them how terrible you are you don’t deserve their friendship, but would like to -- isn’t an apology. Its a tactic. Do better in the future. And despite me “blocking” you? There were a hundred ways to still reach out to me if that was what you really wanted. But let’s be real. It wasn’t. That was part of your gambit to. Goodbye. 

Rosie: asked literally EVERYONE about what had happened with the ““TOW explosion”” except me. never even asked my side of the story. Rosie I don’t even get because the other admins treated her like shit -- making her do all the coding and technical components for the entire RP -- but she was still defending them to the end. Okay. And then to treat Shelly like utter SHIT even though Reyne was running her passive-aggressive mouth off about people who couldn't even defend themselves? Amazing. Yeah, she’s the bully. Your perspective was so twitested by your biases that you were ready to victim blame Shelly just because Reyne had to run at the sight of someone actually throwing their bulltshit back at them. 

Reyne: Like Gansey, frequently indulged in cheating/cucking scnearios for fun -- again, including my own characters without asking or telling me. Don’t think Reyne ever apologized for this, IC or OOC. Dropped ships with me repeatedly -- leaving the group even -- without a word. Passive-aggressive to the max. Made a ship with Gansey just to play out her Teen Wolf OTP -- something that will never not be funny to me, when she called Gansey’s “character” Stiles. Smooth. 

Frankii: Repeatedly dropped me and my characters from plots. Gave me one of the most hurtful comments of my RP community by essentially being like “maybe if your plots and characters weren’t so confusing than more people would want to RP with you.” Invited to join my horror RP group and never made a character. also told me this after Gansey wrote that enormous callout about me, that Roman piggybacked on while the getting was good: “also I'm not here to advocate on behalf of my friend but I really don't think Gansey was trying to be rude last night, they can come off a certain way when they're stressed.” COOL. The rest of Frankii’s message I really appreciated, at the time, but, surprise surprise, then despite us being “cool” they never spoke to me again. 

Laura: I actually really liked Laura tbh but I guess she didn’t feel the same. Some of our interactions back in TAR were actually some of my favorites. I invited her to join my horror RP group and she never made a character. When I asked about this -- and if she needed any help making someone or wanted to leave -- she said she was working on it. Basically stonewalled me over time. Honestly though? Not a lot to say I actually think Laura is a good writer and pretty cool. Its just obvious who her friends were and I, stupidly, thought I was included in that. 

Anna: Actually I really liked Anna too tbh but I guess I vastly overestimated our friendship? It happens. Dropped me from one of her plots -- after talking to me about including me in one of hers because she felt “obligated” basically, from being featured in my own -- without mentioning why or talking to me about it. Invited to join new RP -- refused (not mad about this, just making note of it). Refused to follow my new account when I lost my old one because “lol they’re such a furry”. 

Roman: lmao where to even start. Roman was condescending and elitist literally from the beginning of TAR. barely acknowledged my existence until he had to.I started a plot with an open invitation to the entire RP group, with a deadline so I could start writing. Roman waits until its over and complains that they were left out. I include him anyway. Roman mocks the fact that I ask to tag or outright remove aphrodisiac dust -- because I don’t like seeing untagged dubcon/noncon on my dashboard, it upsets me a lot -- and then goes on a whole thread about it after I go to bed and can’t even defend myself. Apparently told his friends not to invite me to things because he doesn’t like me??? And then he has the nerve to be like communication is key and you can come talk anytime??? While having me on their public “friends” list with a description about me on his blog??? omfg...I literally can’t. To this day. Actually let this image speak for itself.

Everything Else: The repeated, childish treatment of strippers as immoral (””your character is stripping?? my character is so upset and is going to protect them!!”). The implication that characters who were stripping were also automatically sex workers. The continued references to my character, who owned this establishment, as being sleazy and manipulative. Also, honestly, what was with ya’ll adopting some random teenager into your OW groups? That was weird af. And then bringing some random person into TOW without asking anyone and trying to pull rank like “we’re the admin team and we can do whatever we want”. and shit-talking Meg and me in your “open forum” when all we wanted to do was get on with out lives. Like? Who cares? Ya’ll didn’t want me, at least, there anyway, clearly. You don’t get to exclude me then talk about how disrespectful and “wrong” the way I left was..........

Me: I didn’t do everything perfectly either. I know I could be passive-aggressive. I could be self-interested. I could make bitter comments. I dealt with feeling angry and upset by making memes -- which, I’m gonna be honest, I get why ya’ll were upset but I don’t regret either. I had spent so long in TAR/TOW with nobody interested in my characters and plots -- originally because I didn’t vid and played furries but, later, well.........see above -- that I did focus on my own narrative. I wasn’t invited to plots. I didn’t have sexy vampires and boy band werewolves. I played weird characters that didn’t fit the common niche of the cast of an angst and hookup filled supernatural YA novel. Maybe my plots were confusing but, honestly? It was because they were always going to be in the background. I wasn’t disinterested in anyone’s stories. I had just been left out of them for so long -- having to beg to even be a mention in a single mention -- that I had to make my own. I wasn’t there to just be an audience member to be aghast by Roman’s newest quirky boy or Gansey’s newest possessed twink. I was a writer. A member of the community. And, at the time? I thought a friend. Someone who deserved appreciation and respect. 

I know who my true friends are now. We did, ironically, exactly what you did -- we have out own group, our own setting, our own community. 

And I still live with the mean and manipulative things YALL said everyday. Even as an adult -- even with everything I’ve accomplished and am so proud of -- I’m still traumatized by being treated so poorly -- for years -- and not even realizing it. Something I’m still working on -- one of the many reasons I still have trust issues to this day. Congrats. That’s your legacy on me. aNYWAY

byeeeeeee

[nothingunrealistic]

2, 5, 22, 27, 30, 34, 36, 41, 45, 48

2. Favorite scene(s)?

hmm this was a surprisingly hard one… the three failed escape attempts of sheila nail isn’t my favorite song (though i do like it!) but i think it does make for the best Scene in the show. also a big fan of the endings of oh well, i was a teenage delinquent, and the finale

5. Favorite orchestration moment(s)?

the two instances during oh well where there’s no singing and we just get “boom, boom-boom, tsh” repeatedly, incredibly loud and powerful (timestamp 1, timestamp 2)

also the end of the first chorus in oh well, where the sparse orchestration that’s been under the whole song so far gives way to the entire band bursting to life (timestamp)

the horns under the first few lines of susannah’s reprise of masochist that then give way to the full band (timestamp)

i could probably double this if i listened to the whole show again. charlie rosen tony award When

22. Headcanon(s) for what happens between Teenage Delinquent and Finale?

dozens upon dozens lmao, so much so that all the lihn fic i’m writing / planning to write focuses entirely on what happens in that timespan. a few:

the girls get split up after the police arrive at nation - dorothy and ya-ya manage to stick together, but everyone else is separated.

susannah moves to new york city as soon as possible, and that’s where she becomes involved both in professional music circles and in civil rights / lgbt rights activism. this is basically canon tbh

given how often we see rat flipping through a magazine or newspaper and listening to the radio, i think it’d be fun for her to ultimately do something in journalism - maybe writing, maybe photography, maybe being a reporter.

either dorothy or ya-ya (or both!) somehow gets work in hollywood - maybe ya-ya achieves her dream of working on special effects for scifi movies, or dorothy uses her vocal chops to become a voice actress.

i like tatiana wechsler’s idea of judith becoming a very chill therapist  

kitty moves to san francisco and also becomes involved in lgbt rights activism. though none of the girls know for many years where the others are, once susannah becomes famous enough to be sent fanmail, kitty manages to write to her, and they stay in touch for years.

sheila does successfully get to mexico without tearing francis’s head off, and spends several years living and working in various cities in mexico before moving back to, and around, the western united states. she often attends / supports protests and labor strikes.

francis gets attacked by an ocelot :)

27. Teenage Delinquent or Revolution Song?

teenage delinquent! every line from “and if we meet again, how i hope the world is different then” onwards gives me chills, as does the accompanying staging. i’m always a sucker for sunset / sunrise imagery and big dramatic kisses that actually feel narratively earned

30. Scene(s)/concept(s) you would like expanded upon?

i’ve said this repeatedly but i would really like to see a further exploration of the contrast between dorothy’s commitment to playing the part of the Happy Homemaker / being Properly feminine and nurturing, and her implied tomboyish past and current willingness to get violent 

34. A very small detail that you appreciate?

i really like the notebook that susannah carries around that has her logo on it! here are some good pictures that include it

36. Favorite song(s) off the Hits of Nation/character playlists?

i haven’t listened to all these songs / playlists yet, but of the ones i have heard:

jesus was a cross maker - judee sill (i first heard this song via these playlists and listened to it on repeat for DAYS)

be my baby - the ronettes

fast car - tracy chapman

i’m on fire - bruce springsteen

back to black - amy winehouse

rose’s turn from gypsy

41. An anecdote about your experience with LIHN?

thanks to lihn, i have a moment of [!] whenever i unexpectedly hear be my baby anywhere. a couple weeks ago, i heard it playing while i was in the bathroom because my family was watching dirty dancing in the next room; a few days later i heard a salsa cover of it that was partly in spanish and partly in english and that i sadly have not been able to find online.

45. If you could ask a single member of the cast/creative team about one thing, what would it be?

i’d ask joe iconis if sheila’s line about “i like to be with a guy, and then i like to not be with him” is meant to imply that she’s somehow had boyfriends / dated guys despite having been in a juvenile hall since she was nine or if that’s a completely hypothetical statement. or if she’s just flat out lying

48. Favorite time Francis was wrong?

his letter to susannah is just a delightful bevy of Being Wrong. claiming that the crystals sing “will you love me tomorrow”? wrong, as pointed out by susannah. saying that he is “following [his] moonlight” like kerouac? the quote he appears to be referencing is from allen ginsberg (and was also written in the 1980s, but no matter…). saying that by the time susannah gets his letter, it will have been a week since they saw each other? it’s been nine days! wrong again!

(Love in Hate Nation ask list!)

[hellokendrabeckett]

Mark One

I don’t even know how to write a book, blog, let alone a letter. I just need a place to come to share how I feel about some of the boys/men that have come and gone in my life. I feel like true closure is needed but the toxicity rooted in texting these guys would lead me down a path, I’ve worked a long time to escape. For the sake of my sanity, I’ve come back to Tumblr, to let it all go and maybe help one of you who wander onto this blog. My name is Kendra Beckett, I’m happily married now at a pretty ripe age of 21.  Yet, the ghosts of boyfriends past do still haunt me from time to time, so in the efforts to get rid of these burdens, i’ve taken on a creative approach to release... writing (in addition to prayer). 

Hmm...so I’ll start with saying that if you’re a Marvel fan you’ll soon figure out the name of this lover. It couldn’t be easier to decode, really. I pray I don’t have lawsuits in line after pressing post on this one but let’s be honest, he’s not reading this. I’m not sure he ever read anything outside of DMs and text messages, all of which can’t be found here. So... I think i’m safe. His name for the sake of this is going to be Mark One. The irony in Mark One being the alias for one of my favorite superheroes but also one that reflects his name (and his somewhat villainous role in my life) works out well. 

Mark One wasn’t supposed to happen, like all love, it kinda just did. I honestly don’t even remember how we met, I just remember how fast I fell. It was my Junior year and well, I had, well, have a thing for football players. He was one of the many that caught my eye. He was able to capture my attention, even if I couldn’t keep his.  

He was about 5′7 and had an olive colored skin that was so soft to touch despite his rough persona. He sported broad shoulders, a perfect smile, and an edge-up that was never neglected. He smelled of all the greatest things, and not overly pungent like the colognes in the store but just enough to keep you wanting more. His spirit was electrifying, his gaze could stop you in your tracks. His mysteriousness made you want to explore all of his depth- and I did.

He didn’t come from wealth, and he definitely wasn’t the brightest, but when he smiled he lit up my world. He showed me his humble beginnings and his family accepted me like one of their own. His house was always warm, running rampant with kids and smells of fresh laundry. He slept on a mattress in the corner of his living room, a great contrast to the gated community I was living in. He always wrapped his arms around me and told me all the things he loved about me. He helped me escape, let me cry, taught me things and funny enough, he taught me how to tie the laces of my sneakers because evidently I was “choking” my Nikes. He was patient with me, he adored me, and above all I knew that he loved me. Though there was all of this good, he came with his fair share of bad too. 

He’d convince me to do things that my parents would have killed me for. It was with him that I sneaked out to spend nights in random motels, go to drug heavy parties, and ride passenger in street races. He was adventurous, often incredibly dangerous but I loved these thrills that came with being with him. Despite all the danger, I never truly felt fear because he had a way of making me feel safe. I guess love helps paint narratives that seldom align with reality. I spent so many nights on the ground waiting for the cops to move from our view, so we could sneak back to safety after being somewhere we shouldn’t have been or playing fugitive in a private area. Nights with him felt free even if us getting caught would cost me my admittance to the colleges I dreamt up, my living situation with my cousin, or whatever other privileges I had my eyes set on. He was fun, and I was in love.

My parents hated him because he’d alway smell of the previous nights adventure, or the frequently hotboxed Pontiac he drove. But I loved him and there was no way that anyone was keeping me from him. I spent all my money on him, dressed him in the finest things a young teenager could afford. Any trip I went on, he had to come too. Mark One was always the plus one, and there was literally nothing anyone could say or do to change how madly infatuated I had become. 

He wasn’t the guy I lost my virginity too but he definitely taught me a thing or two... or a thousand. In fact, he prides himself to this day for being the person who coached me on all that I know. I think that’s weird but to each his own...celebrate what you can. I will say he did teach me a lot and contradicted everything I learned in Sex Ed. He made me so comfortable that we stopped using protection throughout our youthful and seriously crazy relationship. There were so many times I’d be freaking out about the possibility of being pregnant, but he would be rejoicing because he wanted me to have his babies. The dumber and younger version of myself thought this was romantic... yeah I know, I’m embarrassed to even write it but what can I say? Love/Lust is dumb. 

It started off great, random nights and stories I’ll later tell my daughter but it ended bitter because with him I experienced my first serious heartbreak. These pregnancy scares weren’t rare, in fact, I had several. I continue to think that I’m pregnant sometimes when Aunt Flo isn’t exactly on time... but during my most frightening scare, (like 2 months late type of scary) I found out the most heartbreaking news about the boy I gave everything too. When I was gone for not even two days, he couldn’t handle the time he spent without sex... so he messaged one of his exes and well...

He cheated. 

I didn’t find out the decent way, I found out through going through one of his private accounts and seeing the messages there. Me going through his messages was a problem in itself but what I found shook my world. He had no idea about the fact that I was struggling and thinking I was pregnant. Honestly, I was too scared to mention it for fear that he’d just laugh at me after all the times we had thought I was- only for it to be bloating, diet changes, or reaction to my excessive running. But the boy that I chose over my spirituality, the boy who I chose over obeying my parents, remaining loyal to my friends, went on twitter to seek out his ex for sex while I was gone for no longer than 72 hours. You’d think that this would be my lesson to never compromise my morals again but my heartbroken younger self started on a path of self loathing and sabotage. 

In my mind, His actions were telling me I wasn’t even worth the wait of 72 hours. And the worst part of it all was I believed that. I stayed with him even after seeing those messages but the damages and the distrust was so much that our relationship fell a part pretty quickly. 

He followed me to college and we both decided to try and make it work despite not being on the same campus. He was only 10 miles away but history showed that he couldn’t handle distance. The pain of feeling inadequate infiltrated my thinking and the young woman that was meant to enjoy her freshman year in college with presumably the love of her life, spent most of it seeking approval from boys who would never give it. 

I don’t know if it was because I wanted to hurt him too, or because I wanted to feel loved and just desired again, but I started doing the same thing he did to me and laid with so many boys that didn’t respect me- some not even knowing my name. It was a disgusting time for me, seriously. The walks back to my dorm- more than just shameful. It was honestly painful. Seeking and seeking but finding nothing, just boys that were interested in the depth of my body, not my soul/personality.  

These feelings of insecurity and emptiness carried with me throughout  the rest of my romantic life and I’m still trying to escape it. I’m flawed, very flawed. It wasn’t until very recently, perhaps around 6 months into my marriage that I finally wholeheartedly committed to loving and choosing my Husband. With the help of God, some incredible patience and unconditional love on the part of my Husband, I’m doing much better but before I get to the peak.. I’m going to speak on the valley of darkness I wandered through for some time. 

Mark One did some damage, and the wounds were never treated with proper bandage, so my love life twisted and turned... and I ended up with a ton of new burns. 

This was just Mark One. 

[lbibliophile-mcu]

Honestly, Pepper

Written for the @tonystarkbingo​,  S4 – Writing format: non-linear.

Relationship: Tony Stark & Pepper Potts, Avengers Team

Tags: Crack, Dialogue-only, Non-linear Narrative, Disaster Domestic Avengers, For Want of a Nail

Words: 963

Summary:  Pepper Potts, CEO and sometimes superhero-wrangler, walks out of the elevator onto the Avengers Tower common-floor and stops in shock. How is this even her life? And why is she not surprised?

On AO3 and below the cut.

“Tony! What is this mess? I was only gone for three days.”

 “Honestly, Pepper, it’s not my fault. And the first two and a half days were fine.”

 “Then what is… how… Why do you have the Iron Man gauntlet?”

 “Honestly, Pepper, you can’t expect me to make do with cutlery when I have a better alternative available. Still, I have to admit I never realised just how many sharp objects we had in our kitchen. Clint, on the other hand, apparently knows exactly how many, and decided to give us a demonstration. Turns out his aim is just as good without a bow. The same can’t be said for Steve, however, vibranium definitely holds up to his fighting style better than steel saucepan lids. It’s probably lucky for our kitchen implements that Natasha showed up when she did. Seriously, the Black Widow, in pink pyjamas and fluffy socks, armed with only a teaspoon—I’ve never seen anything more terrifying. I reckon the HYDRA agents must have agreed, because things calmed down pretty quickly after that. They almost offered to tie themselves up.”

 “How did HYDRA agents end up in the Tower!?”

 “Honestly, Pepper, who could have expected that they’d find a way to climb up 80 floors through the air vents? There’s a reason it’s not included in JARVIS’ security protocols; not even Clint goes more than a few floors down. Of course, they weren’t anticipating just how thoroughly he would defend what territory he has claimed. With a creative mind, apparently there are all sorts of traps you can leave for the unwary, all without significantly disrupting the airflow. They did pretty well at avoiding them—that’s how they got as far as they did—but someone must have lost focus when the bunny exploded and tripped something. I’m not sure who was more startled by the agents suddenly dropping from the ceiling; them or us.”

 “Bunny… exploded?”

 “Oh, not a real rabbit; the giant stuffed one I got you. Honestly, Pepper, it was the cutest thing—Jarvis took photos for later. Well, Hulk decided that smash wasn’t needed and he wasn’t in the mood for it anyway. So when he saw the bunny over in the corner, he made a b-line and grabbed for it. I’ll admit I was worried for a moment, but he just sat himself down and started hugging the metaphorical stuffing out of it. Seeing the two of them together, Hulk looked so much like a happy, cute, green toddler. Kinda forgot how big he is. Then he started playing and making the rabbit hop around—I wonder where Hulk learned about rabbits jumping? Of course, while the rabbit might be Hulk-sized, the room isn’t. So one time the bunny jumped too high, and hit the ceiling fan; fan 1, bunny 0, and stuffing spread all across the room. On second thoughts, maybe it was Hulk flattening the fan in retaliation that knocked the HYDRA agents loose; everything got a bit chaotic around then.”

 “But, why was the Hulk even out?”

 “Honestly, Pepper, that’s probably Dummy’s fault, but he was just trying to do his job. I had him out of the lab because I wanted to see how his new wheels handled on carpet. But you know how excited he gets over his fire extinguisher. So when he saw the fire, he might have gotten a tiny bit overenthusiastic trying to put it out. Hence, the foam everywhere. And Brucie-bear might have been sitting a little too close and gotten whacked over the back of the head with the canister. Then turned and gotten a face full of foam. But Hulk realised really quickly that it was just an accident, and Dummy’s only slightly dented, so everyone’s fine.”

 “Hmm. And just what was on fire?”

 “Don’t look at me like that. Honestly Pepper, it was just Thor trying to make breakfast. Only, you know what he’s like. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anyone who can mangle scrambled eggs that badly; even I can make a passable omelette! And don't get me started on his battles with the toaster. He tries, but he just gets so frustrated. And when you have a frustrated god of thunder around a bunch of electronics, well… that’s why the kitchen is one of the areas with its own fire suppression system. Except, apparently it didn’t go off this morning. I know I borrowed the sensor element for testing one of my projects last week, but I could have sworn I put it back in. I’ll have to check once we finish clearing the rubble. Otherwise, I suppose it might still be buried down in the workshop…”

 “So let me get this straight. Thor set his breakfast on fire. So Dummy tried to put it out, and ended up setting off the Hulk. Who decided to play with my stuffed rabbit and destroyed it with the ceiling fan. Then HYDRA agents fell out of the roof and were fought off with cutlery and Natasha’s glare. Have I missed anything?”

 “I don’t think so… wait! You might want to avoid the pantry for the next few hours. We stashed the HYDRA agents there until SHIELD can come pick them up.”

 “I’m not even… Fine. So, out of all that, what is this red stain on the carpet? I know it’s not blood… and I hate that my life is such that I can tell that at a glance.”

 “Stain? Aw, someone squished my strawberries. I wanted to give you a welcome home present.”

 “You got me strawberries? AGAIN?”

 “… sorry.”

[autismgavemychildvaccines]

Why I’m Ashamed to Be Christian

So, now that I am literally sick of the Measles nonsense (no, fucking literally, working 12+ hour shifts on an incident management team has got me sick and tired enough to call in tomorrow), I’ve decided to do a non PH rant, though it’ll for sure rear it’s fucking head somewhere in here. Instead, let’s tackle something real fun. Religion! Time to buckle up.  In my half fucking awake daze that I was just nudged out of, something really wild hit me. My faith, my belief in a very specific God with a specific book (though I admit that other religions, so long as their origin is not a company or a tool to oppress others on the outset, are valid/likely just as true) makes no God damned sense.  (For reference, here I will claim my most closely related sect as my own; American Evangelism [though if one were to ask in person I’d say “non-denominational”, but historically, the two are close] and will be speaking as a part of a community I used to closely belong to but now have drifted away from on some granola-crunching dumbassery that is “I am a church of one” bullshit. I’ve wanted to be other things, but ever since I left the Freemasons, fuck all else has had much appeal.) So, first things first, Garden of Eden, right? Pretty fucking cool place, some might have even called it a perfect garden, a perfect place for humans and God to interact? But here’s my hang up with it. The trees of Life and Knowledge, and the rule that Adam and Eve could eat of any fruit except those grown upon that pair. Why even fucking have them?

 When I asked that as a kid in a faith based area, they said because it was a test.

 Of what?

 “Well, of our loyalty to God and our Faith, of course”. 

Except again, what the fuck? Like, I get the idea of free-will, in fact I am a huge believer in individual free will (I’ll get to that in a sec), but here’s the stickler here. As any other creative type will tell you, we want our work to take on a life of its own. Like say I wanted to program a remarkably bright AI, and it worked, and all I wanted was for it to recognize me as its creator and to discover and enjoy what home I could make for it. You know what I wouldn’t do? I wouldn’t give an AI, even with some simulated free will, the ability to break certain rules. For example, I wouldn’t allow it unrestricted access to the internet or my personal accounts. I wouldn’t even give it the concept that such things existed, let alone put it right fucking there to be used. That would be a flaw, an imperfection in an otherwise perfect place. And yeah, there’s something to be said for giving free will with not-free consequences, sure. But two things: 1) Don’t be pissed when the thing happens that you allowed to exist in the first place and thus forced it to be a mathematical certainty now that you’re dealing with perhaps the most curious species to ever exist.  2) Don’t go blaming them for a lack of faith. If anything, it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, an act that abusers often use to get what they really want and have a thin veneer of an excuse to make happen. Now doesn’t that sound a lot like a good number of the followers of this faith, as opposed to an almighty, omnipotent, powerful being? Hmm, something to consider there, maybe.  Speaking of followers, let’s actually also take a look at some of the prophets that we as American Christians often hold so dear. Now me? I’m a Luke guy, I like Luke. Peaceful, loving gospel for the most part, and I dig it. Peace and love, baby, that’s all I want coming from stories regarding a higher power that we had to hang up like a fucking tapestry to make sure we got all that love. But do you know who I fucking hate, and who I blame the most for how the American chruch is? Paul/Saul of Tarsus. Thiiiiiiiiiiis prick. This fucking Deus Vult Vulture. Actually in many ways, he really is the archetype to the Modern Evangelical fucking anything. Actively participated in the harassing, attempted extinguishing and successful terrorizing of a marginalized group. Then after being hit back for it, literally “seeing the light” and trying to be the fucking vanguard of said group only to lead it down a path where he’s suddenly the appointed expert of anything to do with the issue. And while he does this, he helps create the most violent and bigoted thoughts in the whole of the religion, and is praised for his visions as he says they are truly from God, and can thus act oh so righteously. This right here is a fucking problem, y’all. Like, I know the whole forgiveness idea allows for some mental gymnastics on how this could even happen, but even then to make a genocidal ass-face your de-facto leader aside from Christ himself for the next 2000 years is a fucking flip that even at the 1988 Olympics, if Christians were America, Russia would give them a straight 10/10.    And yet, for many of us, that’s exactly what we’ve done. Hell, we’ve even fallen into the forced victim narrative of the synopsis of this asshole:  “Oh well, you see, I was a heathen and thus I couldn’t help myself, but then like, the God of the people I was killing talked to me and like, now I have to do this (Take on the “burden” of leading the church) as penance for what I couldn’t help myself over.” We’ve fallen for it so much, that it may as well be hard wired into our nervous system to believe anything resembling it, just as we assume if something is flat, green and on a tree, it’s a leaf.  Maybe it’s why we as a religion (and let’s face it, other Abrahamic religions as well) are so damn good at beating down the marginalized while screaming that we are the saints, we’re the sacrificiers trying to make things better. Like, let’s have some modern day fun with this bullshit, man; let’s see how we treated and in many places continue to treat women.  Of the few churches I have been to, 100% of them had one dual-sided message that made me real fuckin’ uncomfortable, fam:  Part 1) That women cannot be trusted onto themselves and thus 2) Men must take control of them and society to not allow for some unspecified “Ridiculous bullshit”.  (as a fair heads up; I do fully recognize non-binary, trans individuals, etc, but for the sake of brevity I’ll be mostly referring to M/F in the traditional sort of way, because opening up Christianity’s treatment of anything regarding gender fluidity is a Ph.D. thesis for another day)  Now, I don’t know about y’all, but I know damn well that out of all the dudes I know, and all the lasses I know, they’re a pretty mixed fuckin’ bunch. It’s almost like their gender assigned at birth doesn’t really affect how reasonable they could be as people nor how much responsibility they should have. Obviously some cultural practices skew this quite a bit in so far that women are expected to take more responsibility, younger, and for less praise, but if anything that should help destroy, not reinforce that message.  And yet, the idea persists so much in Christian circles. And not just by the men themselves, but the women, also. For the longest time of my church going days, the pastor was a woman. She wholly believed it was just and right that her husband be in charge of everything, that women should be loyal to their men in all aspects. Then again, she also (despite recruiting members primarily from college) did not believe in evolution at all, so there’s that in terms of an intellectual hurdle. But regardless, this inherent submissive attitude within the faith (and even the half-hearted and self-congratulatory “Yeah but we REALLY are the ones making the decisions because we can withhold sex if we want” is essentially that too just a smidgen more empowering), when combined with the idea that men should be wholly in-control (which is a breeding ground for toxic masculinity if there ever was) is shameful. It’s what has allowed so much bullshit in the past, including these recent abortion laws. Now, I’m going to cover abortion in another post (I might get to it tomorrow; It’s been on the burner for weeks), but it’s super pertinent here.  We, as a religion, have allowed ourselves to tell women (just as we tell/told minorities before) that they cannot be trusted with their own bodies, that they cannot be trusted when they speak, and most certainly cannot be trusted to truly hold dominion over anything. And that has allowed the most insidious, hateful, bigoted, disgusting things to happen in the name of God. A God that while I am writing this post I still believe in, but my doubts about how genuine the message has ever been is hitting home. One whose words about peace have been ignored when they could be interpreted or pointed to to support war, where the rich can profit off the poor, or to support sexism, because we as men historically have wanted to control “everything of ours”, or to take the very free will we claim to hold so dear from those who need the ability to make their own decisions the most. Words that have been used to hold down good people from making lives better. Words that in the hands of those who wanted, could be profaned and desecrated and thus allow for profane and disturbing events, both on the grand stage of the world and behind the closed doors of any house in some small town. Words which are held up with a wink and a nod so that followers feel included when they are scammed by some fucking fried chicken joint who wants to make more money to fight against equality, or to pay for another $9 million jet for some asshole who croons about how the poor should be grateful they do not have the temptations of the rich.  To other followers, do you not lament that we are this way? That we have been this way for so long? Because I fucking do.  And to those who have been discriminated or marginalized or whatever else against because of your gender or skin colour or situation or victimization or  past deeds of any sort; I’m sorry. Genuinely, truly sorry you have suffered as you have. Sorry for what people have done thinking it was somehow morally or spiritually justified, sorry that they thought they were saving you. And I can assure you that I will never try to lead you as those before me have tried to. Though if it’s all the same, I’d like to get to hear you, and walk beside you.