#hmm I dont know if i should finish this artwork

[gxthicbat]

I wanted to show off Violet and Rositas personality here hehe

I will draw more of them in the future dw ✨️💕

[greenflamedwriter]

Forget me (Not)

I don't know if I'll write/finish this but here's a prompt so it's no sitting dusty in my documents.

[This was based on an artwork made by Kireiidate based on the prompt of Crowley losing his memory.]

Chapter ONE:

Crowleys eyes lowered, watching the fidgeting hands of the 'angel' his words blurring into noise as Crowley watched cooly.

Was this some elaborate trick? This angels- Aziraphale- face remained stoic. The same cool calculating gaze with a air of arrogance and holior than thou attitude with his nose slightly tilted in the air, his observing blue and intelligant eyes taking in every detail seemed aloof.

Yet the angels hands betrayed him.

“Is there, is there nothing you could do?” He sounded very put out.

As Crowley watched Aziraphale converse with the (apparent) anti christ. He wondered if he should just sneak away or stay to humour the angel before he (inevitably) smited him.

“It was worth a try, thank you adam for everything.” he turned to face Crowley, “Come on dear boy.” His hand outreached and crowleys eyes flashed behind his shades, as Aziraphale almost touched his hand.

Crowleys eyes followed the movement reacting without thinking. Not to shy away or accept the gesture just expressing an awarness by following the movemet. Waiting to feel a hand hold his to wonder if Aziraphales body had callouses or was it smooth-

-The hand retracted.

Aziraphale moved on as if it didnt happen. Instead retreating back to himself and wiggled his shoulders as if fluffing his invisible feathers. He clasped his hands in front of him.

“Its back to the bookshop I’m afraid- a call upstairs- no no they wouldnt answer or even care...maybe we could retrace your steps in Soho hmm...Crowley what do you remember.?

Crowley tilted his head and gazed at Aziraphale steady, unsure what he should say other than. He lost his memory, he knows completely fuck all.

The angel began to flush and becone more flustered as if he spoke that outloud. “Oh, right of course you dont remember anything.”

(He was taken back to his home where the angel was...kind enough to teach him miracles. Crowley picked it up quick enough- maybe the Angel felt pity and that it was dishonourable to fight a demon who couldn't defend himself, once he told Aziraphale to bugger off that he learned how to defend himself no need to waste his time, Crowley expected the angel to look relieved, not sad)

“Ah," Aziraphale begin, pressing his lips together "Uh right, I guess you dont need me anymore since you can handle yourself- oh would you need some protection? Hell fire can destroy angels, although I’m not sure how to aqquire it at the moment.”

“Aziraphale- your rambling. I’ll be fine.” 

Aziraphale didn’t look happy to be off with him.

“But the last time you were alone you got amnesia!”

“I’ll be fine angel.”

Crowley watched as the angel left before wandering around his apartment taking in his surroundings he walked towards the bedroom and paused to see a white feather on the pillow on the bed.

Crowley picked up the feather and inspected it, he turned back to the door his eyes furrowing...was he supposed to tempt this angel?

And was it working?

(Crowley didn't know it, but his assumptions were mostly wrong, he and Aziraphale slept together but not in the sense of what you may be thinking- this was around the time when the bookshop burned down and Aziraphale had no where to sleep, both shared the bed and it was completely innocent as neither needed to show or indulge in such things as drinking wine together happened to be the most intimate thing they could do)

Months later, Crowley and Aziaphales interactions were timid, Aziraphale almost chuckled it felt like old times when he would be the one initiating the contact with the demon instead of the other way around, the last time he tempted Crowley was for some osters.

As he regaled his tale of the progress to Anathama unable to know what to do as Crowleys lack of memories made him different without those expereineces, their moments together their arragment their relationship was completely different to how it was before on one hand he felt frustration and wondered if this was how Crowley felt, when Aziraphale told him he went too fast for him.

He never wished to hurt Crowley in that way....

“Isn’t it one sided?” Anathama spoke pulling Aziraphale from his thoughts.

“I-sorry?”

“Sounds like crowley did all the heavy lifting he gave and gave and you couldnt even run away with him- it's as if you dont even like him back.”

“I do!”

“Have you told him?”

“I-” aziraphale stopped, had he? 

Had he shown any evidence that he liked Crowley back? 

Aziraphale brushed his lips together. Crowley always saved him- the bastille, the church, Armegeddon.

He couldnt even tell crowley where the anti christ was. The demon trusted him and he had never thought to return the favour.

He couldn't go against heaven, against her...

These thoughts plauged him as Crowley came around asking, again, about what they did together how Crowley made Macbeth into a instant classic all because Azriphale asked...

This thought only made Aziraphale slump more feeling a heavy weight...was he taking advantage of Crowley the whole time- did Crowley expect something back only to be happy with their current arangment, Aziraphale was happy with how things were- he fought and almost went against Gabriel to live this life for however long with Crowley as they were, him with his books Crowley with his plants and both seeking each others company he expected nothing to change.

He loved Crowley and that was enough. maybe he could say it every now and again if- no when Crowley got his memoires back.

He was disrupted from his thoughts as he felt Crowley brush against him then pressed in against his back. Aziraphale froze. Crowley was hugging him from behind.

Aziraphale flushed- this was rather bold wasn't it.

His hand trembled his hot cocoa almost spilling, he felt Crowleys hand lace through his. Firm as the cup stopped shaking.

“Steady.” He hummed against his ear.

Oh my goodness...

Aziraphale almost turned.

 “Crowley!” Crolwey tightened his hold keeping Aziraphale still, his breath close to his ear.

 “Aziraphale.” 

The angels heart beat stuttered, was his body exipring damn, not as if heaven can give new ones…

“Angel, Who am I to you?” Crowley asked and finally let Aziraphale turn around.

Aziraphale puffed up his chest looking rumpled -

“Why you're my friend of course, but this is too much- I can’t we can’t-”

“Why?”

“Because you dont remember! Its not fair on you I’ll be taking advantage of you.” Aziraphale pointed out sounding really distressed his hands fluttering in front of him.

“What if I don’t remember?" Crowley asked cooly "What if I’ll never remember anything of our past?” It was a valid point and no harm in mentioning such a possibility. At least thats what Crowley thought. Until the shattered look crossed Aziraphales face, and Crowley wished he could take it back.

Aziraphale looked so heartbroken, it was a doubt in his mind that maybe Crowley will never remember him, but being spoken outloud, bbrought to light. it hurt his core.

“Angel- I’m sorry-”

“No, no My dear boy," Aziraphale spoke, a sad smile on his face but completely shutting down before the demon "I should hear it. I shouldn't ignore that that it is a possibility.”

Crowley looked unsure and Aziraphale hated it more.

Crowley slowly realised, like a fool that If there was a chance the angel was tricking him this proved without a doubt that wasn't the case.

Aziraphale loved him.

“Angel," Crowley tried, wide grin and shrugging trying to change the subject and make it lighter "Think of the brightside- I lost my memory and I still love you, least that hasnt change?”

Aziraphale stiffened, Crowley thought that would fix it and they can go on like normal- but instead Aziraphale looked worse...why?

"What?"

Aziraphale squeeked his face turning red then stammered out quickly before Crowley could reply.

"You- you’ve never said! I couldnt assume that you- theres no possibility that you did but what if you didnt? and you remember this moment and realise foolish we both are acting- It would be awkward."

“I imagine it’d be more than awkward.”

“I-i cant!" Aziraphale shook his head looking distressed, and it was making Crowley feel awful "I cant take advantage of you- I’m not doing it.” Crowley nodded "When I do remember, and I ask you again..." "I'll answer- but the Crowley I love is the one who remembers everything, everything we've been through and fought for together. If it seems that your memories will never return...then we'll burn that bridge when we get to it." Aziraphale spoke with a nod. Crowley stared then laughed "A malaphor- I thought those were beneith you." Aziraphale sniffed "Of course you would find that funny."

--------------------------------------------------------------

“You really are the worst crowley you lie to everyone." Hastur growled.

Aziraphale fumed fluffing up, “How rude! Crowley isn’t like any of you demons! He’s better than that!”

“Angel-” Crowley sounded strangled.

“He's annoying, he’s loud he tries to hit pedestrians and hedgehogs alike. He has turned paintball guns into real guns and he’s the most wiliest and cunning and brilliant...sweet and caring...a- and none of you could hold a candle to him, even without his memorys he’s better than you.”

The other demons glanced at Crowley then to each other with a knowing smirk.

“Well, well done for corrupting an angel.”

"Go Crowley, we knew you were still one of us."

“You’ve lied to him long enough crowley.” Hastur spoke his dark eyes pinned to Crowley. Aziraphale had enough of this.

“Be silent you-”

“Angel” Aziraphale turned, Crowley had his hand outstretched “Stop I wanted to tell you I couldn’t find the right time.” He sounded distraught and that gave the angel pause.

“Tell me?”

Hasturs smirk curled.

“Crowley’s amnesia faded weeks ago.”

Aziraphales brow furrowed and Crowley looked away ashamed.

“I- no, it.” He blinked looking back on the week, first feeling betrayel and hurt. Why would Crowley not say anything? Why play this game and not say anything was he making fun of him messing with his feelings-

“Isn’t it one-sided?”

Aziraphale felt so stupid and hurt- but he couldnt voice that here. Not with an audiance. Not them.

“Angel?” Crowley sounded worried, Aziraphale was silent too long.

Aziraphale turned his eyes betraying nothing.

“Get in the car Crowley, take me home this instant.” Crowley gulped while the others demons laughed.

“Angel I’m sorry I didnt mean it-”

Aziraphale internally grimaced, this was going to play much worse if he let Crowley do this to himself here with the others watching.

Aziraphale stomped away and predictably Crowley will follow, and he did pleading.

“Angel- Aziraphale please!”

Aziraphale noticed the other demons follow and scowled.

“This is none of your buisness!” His wings outstretched into the corporal plane and the demons hesitated.

Aziraphale reached into his pocket and retrieved a flask “Dont think I wont use this.”

Hastur scoffed “Your're bluffing.” Crowley glanced at him as if he were stupid.

Aziraphale smirked predictibly “I an an angel with my own authority I can and have blessed this flask with holy water, want to find out?” He began to undo the tarten flask and the others scurried away like rats down the sewer.

Once settled he levelled his gaze at crowley.

“Get in the car.”

Once they entered the bookshop, Aziraphale shed his coat with a sigh.

“My dear, I’m not mad.”

“Bollocks.”

“No. I understand why you did it, I was always happy with what our relationship was, I never realised you may have been waiting for me, for me to be honest. The blame was on me-” Aziraphale glanced up tears in his eyes “Im just so relieved you have your memorys back.”

“Angel.” Crowley almost huffed as Aziraphale dragged him back into a hug his hands shaking, the very things that betrayed his emotions each and every time which was why he always had them behind his back.

“I missed you." Aziraphale exhaled and Crowley sighed wrapping his arms around his angel.

“I missed you too.”

_____________________________________________________________

As an ace, who has no plans of being in a relationship period. I know writing for the Aces is different but to me hugging may as well be scandalous [as I'm touch starved anything other than hugging I would expire] but when I mean the relationship is [one-sided] I just mean clarity, no matter what relationship be it platonic, friendship etc you have to communicate and ask the hard questions of what you expect/boundries etc. So just claryfying because Crowley and Azi have their hobbies and other stuff and don't need to push the relationship further as it's pointless and will only make both uncomfrotable dining at the ritz together is all they need.

[kaeyas-beloved]

Wait wait so your thing says request are still close but where u wrote something for someone it said request open so hmm idk ;-;. But just in case there open how about I request a mother MC/father theo from ikemen vampire where theo takes care of there newborn baby for the day this is a weird request DONT kill me ;-;

Hey Anon! Sorry for the confusion and the long wait - and don’t worry, your request isn’t weird at all! But I may have strayed from the request just a teeny tiny bit though... for the most part I think I stuck to the original idea of Theo with his baby for a day. 

I hope you enjoy and you can always come back and request again if this wasn’t what you wanted :)

Warning(s): Teeny tiny spoilers for Theo’s route (if you know who Vollard is you’re fine!), One (1) Dutch swear word

~

A Newborn’s Smile {Theo x MC/Reader}

“Are you sure you’ll be alright Theo?” she asked her husband again, staring up into his calm ocean coloured orbs. Suppressing the urge to roll his eyes, Theo ruffles her hair with a playful smirk on his face.

“What? Think I can’t take care of our daughter?” 

“N-no, but-” she began, an anxious look in her eyes. While she may have full confidence that he can handle a day with their child, it’s still going to be the first full day that he’ll be left alone with her.

“Listen Hondje, you go with Sebas and when you get back you’ll see that everything will be the same as you left. Now, no more senseless worrying, it’ll be fine!”

Ten minutes later and everything was, in fact, not fine.

“Now what’s with all this noise?” Dazai rose a brow, having just entered via the mansion’s window, as per usual. Mozart, who rarely ever sat at the table, sighed, taking a sip of his black coffee.

“The girl left with Sebastian to run errands. Theo’s taking care of their baby...” Another ear piercing cry filled the room and they all winced. While the sound was deafening to the ears, the twinge of pain that filled Theo’s chest hurt more. The fact that his pride and joy was crying her little heart out and he wasn’t sure what to do had him completely lost.

‘How does Hondje do it?’

“Theo old boy, you should take a page out of your wife’s book right about now...” Arthur chuckled while rubbing at his temple, the writer only somewhat enjoying the sight of his friend struggling to take care of his kid.

“What do you mean?”

“He means it’s lunch time, she’s probably hungry” Napoleon piped up, emerging from the kitchen with a pre-made bottle in hand. Passing it to the Dutch art dealer, Theo began to feed his daughter, the baby quieting as she drank. Sighs of relief left everyone at the peace they got...

..which was short lived, the little girl beginning to cry once more. 

“Well, someone’s not a daddy’s girl~”

“Quiet klootzak!” the baby cried louder, “tch, I’m gonna go see Vincent, he was always good with kids...”

“Best of luck~” Tossing a final glare paired with a scowl at the Brit, the younger van Gogh made his way up to the painter’s room.

~

“Afternoon Broer, sorry for barging in while you were painting...” Prompted by the sound of his brother’s voice, Vincent set down the brush he held, wiping off as much paint from his hands as possible while smiling.

“It’s alright Theo, I was finishing up anyway! But,” he frowned a little, gazing down with a troubled look at his niece, “you seem to be having a bit of trouble...”

“Yeah.. she’s been crying ever since this morning. Hondje was able to make her stop for the time being but then she left with Sebas and, well...”  

“Mm... I see” Vincent hummed, trying to think of a way to help out his little brother.

“Ah! Why not show her the painting? Maybe if she sees it she’ll stop crying! It always worked when you were little!” 

The idea was pure, innocent. It quite frankly made Theo embarrassed and for a split second he doubted that it’d really work. But, he reminded himself, Vincent is more experienced with kids than he is - plus, it didn't hurt to try.

“Fine...” stepping up to the coloured canvas, Theo angled his arms so that the little girl could catch a glimpse of the masterpiece. For some time nothing came of it as she continued to wail and Theo sighed, about to throw in the towel, claim that it was pointless and he’d just have to wait until his wife got home.  

That was until the crying gradually got quieter and quieter before ceasing altogether. 

The brothers stared in astonishment, watching as eyes that resembled the colour of a stormy sea stared in wonder at the painting of a vast ocean. Chubby little hands started to try and reach out to the picture, the little limps desperate to explore the new discovery more. And along with the newfound curiosity was a happy baby grin, a real one at that, and not just one of the usual reflex smiles.

It was truly a sight for sore eyes, a masterpiece that out does any other that the art dealer has seen before. If he’d had the ability to paint like his brother, Theo would’ve captured this moment in a heartbeat.    

“Look Theo! She’s smiling! And she likes art just like you!” Vincent laughed joyfully, the smile contagious. At the same time the words spoken to him sparked Theo with an idea of his own.

“You’re a genius Broer! Dank je!”

“But I didn’t do anything- hey! Careful Theo!” Watching as his brother nearly raced out of his room, Vincent stared at the doorway, wondering what went through the other van Gogh’s mind to cause such a reaction.

~

Vollard’s is where he took her. If his little girl enjoyed his brother’s artwork surely she’d be over the moon with wonder at seeing the bright colours of other young artist’s work.

Turns out, he was right. 

Instead of the cries from this morning, squeals of delight and laughter filled the room. Thankfully, none of the people who were expressing their creativity cared, it was a small price to pay if they had the honor of seeing the renown art dealer in such an unguarded and calm state.

This was his element, art having been a large part of his life, and the fact that Theo got to experience something like this with his daughter (no matter how young she is) was nothing short of precious to him, a memory he’d treasure for as long as he lived.  

When every nook and cranny of the art studio was explored, Theo went around to other Paris museums, showcasing as much fine art as he could. While the reactions weren’t as lively towards the standard religious paintings, the look of wonder and awe that mirrors his own still remained. 

And as afternoon turned to evening, the streets bathed in an orange hue and his daughter having dozed off long ago, Theodorus van Gogh donned one of the softest smiles he’s had in either of his lives. While he gazed down at the sleeping girl the image of her smile from earlier in the day flashed through his mind. Oh how he wished his wife was there to witness it with him. 

Theo placed a light kiss to the child’s forehead.

“Rest well mijn schatje...” he whispered, silently promising that for as long as he can, Theo will make sure that his daughter continues to smile as brightly as she did today. Vowing that he’ll protect her happiness from the dangers of the world and doing anything to make sure that the joyful expression on her face stays a constant in all stages of her life.

~~~

*schatje can have the meaning of ‘little treasure’ (which is what I was going for in this)*

As of me posting this, requests are open [check my bio though to be sure]! Don’t forget to check the rules too for the fandoms/topics I write for (which are linked in my masterlist)!  

Masterlist

[har-rison-s]

lasagna evening

request: Could you write some domestic fluff with adult stan uris

A/N: (2020 edit: this was my first ever stanley writing :>) Man oh man do i love this concept. ajsndfjsdf i love, i just love. I apologise for the title lmao i dont have any other ideas alsdfsdjn. This is so fluffy and cliché that you're going to die :D Btw, gifs of Andy Bean are very hard to find and I'm mad about it. Hope this is what you were looking for. Happy reading!

IT masterlist

heaven masterlist

main masterlist

“Honey, I'm home!” Stan says in a louder voice so his loved one could hear him. For she's known to often leave music playing loudly through their apartment and go into another room to do something. He hears the smooth voice of Billie Holiday singing about autumn in New York and he smiles to himself, kicking off his shoes. The music is loud enough for her not to hear him at all. 

He walks into the kitchen, both hands holding a grocery bag tightly until he puts them both on the center counter. Her music is playing right in front of him, just a few feet between him and the sound system. 

“Baby!” He calls again. Stan leaves the bags be and they crinkle a bit, the products falling on top of one another. He walks over to the sound system and turns the song's volume down. And he hears her humming. It's coming from her study.

Stan jogs a little down the hallway to get to her and reaches the door frame of her study. He peaks his head in. “Babylove,” he says and smiles immediately upon seeing his girl sitting on her carpet, her back turned to him, still humming and obviously hunched over something. 

She whips her head around and smiles wide. There's a wicked glimmer in her eyes. “Honey!” She squeals and hurriedly gets up from her position, almost falling over her own legs, and tip-toes over to her one and only. 

He leans in to steal a kiss from her soft angel lips and she still has to stand on her tip-toes for him to succeed. She embraces him then, her arms around his neck, and smiles wide. Stan recieves a loving kiss on the cheek and smiles, too. His eyes are full of love for the woman in front of him. 

“What are you doing in here?” He asks, his hand going in slow circles over her back. 

“Before you turned my music down,” she says, pouting and pointing her index finger into the middle of his chest, “I was listening to Billie and making another small sculpture.” She smiles, proud of herself.

“You're getting inspired again?” Stan raises his eyebrows in happy surprise and his love nods, biting her bottom lip. “So, who's the muse?”

“You, silly.” She says and they both laugh. She notices Stan already glancing behind her shoulder to see what she's making. To not spoil the surprise, she brings his eyes back to her, holding his chin softly. “It's not finished yet. When it will be, you'll be the first to see. And you know that.”

“Of course. You know I'm impatient about seeing your art.” He tells her and tickles her sides a little, making her giggle in the most beautiful way. 

“So,” she claps her hands, “what are we making tonight?”

“Hmm, let's see...” Stan pretends to think, “seeing as I bought the ingredients for lasagna, I guess we're making... lasagna?” He squints, teasing his girl. She laughs and kisses him on the cheek again. And then all over his face, which makes Stanley laugh instead. 

When he's about to plead for breath, she stops and grabs his hand, closing her study door with the other. She drags them both back down the hallway and lets go of Stan's hand to turn the volume higher. Stan gives her a mock-annoyed look, but they both laugh.

One of the billion, trillion things he loves so much about his girl is her energy and youthfulness. They're only two years apart, but Stanley has always felt older than he actually is. And he wanted to enjoy his youth when it was happening, but a lot of things kept him from it. 

Her youthfulness and eagerness and sort-of hyperactivity brings joy in his life. Makes him happy about still being here, having a life. She's brighter than the sun to him in many ways. 

“Do you have the recipe?” Stan asks her as they're unpacking the groceries.

“Uh-huh, I printed it out. It should be next to the sink.” She replies, pulling tomato after tomato out of the bag.

“Terrible place for a paper to be, if you ask me.” He tells her, but she only laughs. Stan walks over to the sink and sure enough, there is a page with a recipe printed on it. And it's not wet. He quickly goes over the ingredients and steps. “So how was work today?”

She works as a museum manager/administrator in a pottery museum in town. Taking that she's an artist herself, she needs to be in an artistic place and area at all times. An administrator might not seem like the job to you, but to her it's the perfect one that pays the bills and takes her on holidays with her loved one. Many artists to meet, artworks to see and inspiration to suck in.

“Quite amazing. You know I met that one artist I've always wanted to host at my museum—”

“Emily Lacey?” Stan finishes instead of her. She nods.

“Yup. And she's even more lovely than I thought she'd be. She's got great sense of humor, a great sense of style, of course, and turns out we have a lot in common.” She tells him. Stan smiles, watching her rush around the kitchen and talk. “She likes to read books, go to the cinema, travelling, hiking.”

“Wow, you two are basically twins.” He states.

“I know, right?” She looks at him with wide eyes, clearly excited. Stanley chuckles. “How was your day?” She asks him. 

“It was good.” He says. “Better now that I'm home.” Stan states and they share a look of love and knowing. “The book is coming along well, there's not much left. And I had to teach a new class today! All the kids were sweethearts.”

“How old were they?” She asks and, while doing so, gives Stan a piece of dough to flatten out. They both start working on a piece.

“Uh, they're... I think second or third grade, so eight to nine.” Stan says in between grunts of pushing the wooden roll on the dough. “Why such a question?”

She shrugs. “Just wondering. Thought they'd put you in a college now.” She admits, and huffs.

“Huh.” He turns to her, puts the roll down and crosses his arms over his chest. “Don't you think I'm good enough for primary school?”

She laughs and huffs again. “No, I think you're more than good enough for primary school, and better than perfect for teaching college kids ornithology.” She tells him, honestly.

“Listen, it's nothing wrong with me.” Stan insists, pointing at his chest and raising his eyebrows. “Ornithology is not the most desired class in college, even for biology majors. So they have one professor in each college that isn't exactly an ornithologyst, but knows enough and can memorise texts from books. And they put that guy to teach ornithology if it's at all necessary.” He explains in detail.

“But that is so unfair! I bet you're not the only ornithologyst without a chance to teach in college, and they put some knock-offs in your place.” She justifies.

“You have a fair point.” Stanley agrees. She smiles wide. 

“I know. You gotta fight for your rights, hon.” She tells him. “We both know that your passion is ornithology and that you're an actual ornithologyst. They should let, whoever's in charge of it, the people who really know what they're talking about teach ornithology. It makes a huge difference for the kids.”

“Listen, if your artist carrier ever flakes, you should become an education politican.” Stan says upon restarting to flatten the dough. His love laughs out loud, holding her tummy. Stanley only smiles wide to himself.

“Can you even imagine me dressed in formal clothes everyday, having that politician-lady haircut, wearing glasses and talking in a very serious voice about the issues of today?” She asks him, mimicking the way politicians speak in the last part. She even makes a funny face. “I could never. I mean, yeah, they pay you like, crazy money, but I'd never do that.” She shakes her head, still quietly laughing to herself. Stanley keeps smiling.

Merely two hours later, the couple have finished their lasagna. They had put on their food-making playlist, which is basically a playlist full of songs that they know all the lyrics to and sing together to at the top of their lungs. Includes ABBA, Queen, David Bowie, Journey, Elton John and many, many others. 

They're happily setting the coffee table in the living room, and they're almost finished. Stan is already turning on the TV, wrapped in a blanket and waiting for his one and only to join him. 

She's still getting them forks and spoons, and when she has, she turns off all the lights in the apartment. Except for the little light in the kitchen above the stove, that one always stays on.

She tip-toes—a habit of hers that is not entirely healthy for her feet—into the living room and puts the instruments down on the table. She collapses into Stan's open, waiting arms with a happy sigh. He wraps the blanket around her and keeps his arm around her, too. 

Her fingers push between his and they lock together. As if their hands were crafted just to be interlocked with the other's, no one else's. They feel like they're made for each other. 

Stanley presses a kiss into her hair. “What are we watching tonight?” He asks, his cheek now pressed where his lips just were.

“Hmm,” she thinks and watches Stan browsing through movies and tv-shows on the screen, “something funny. Don't you think?”

“Yeah, we always watch dramas.” He agrees. “I'm kinda sick of you making me cry every other evening.” Stan admits then, and they both laugh. Stan yawns.

“Do you have a favorite?” She questions, looking up at him. He looks down at her and almost gets hypnotised. Looking at her makes him go a bit weak, every and anytime. The years spent together either don't do anything to help it or even give more to the effect.

“I don't watch that many comedies, not my favorite genre.” He tells her as his hand caresses the side of her face. She closes her eyes to that. “You can choose. Show me your favorite!” He suggests and she smiles. “Just not anything dumb, okay? I know you like those a lot, but, please, spare me.”

She looks at him and rolls her eyes playfully. “Alright, alright.” She agrees and turns to lay on her stomach, over Stan's lap and takes the remote from his hand. “I'll spare your soul from the doom of dumb comedy movies, my prince.” She teases and Stan smiles. “Aha!” She exclaims upon finally finding the movie she was looking for. 

She pushes the 'play' button and reaches for their two plates of lasagna while the intro plays. She straightens her back, sitting normally just like Stan and giving him his lasagna piece.

“Hear ye, hear ye. Feast your eyes and ears with the wonder that is Bruce Almighty!” She theatrically introduces the movie. She likes Shakespeare and Old English, despite that she may not be the best at using it right. Stan smiles at her. 

They lean in to steal a few kisses from each other before indulging in their home-made (hopefully, well-made) lasagna and the world of Jim Carrey's comedy. 

Permanent taglist: @v0idbella @inlovewithmiddleagedcelebs @works-of-fanfiction @destiel-stucky4ever-loki-queen @stfxlou @ur-gunna-h8-ths@empressdreams @betweenloveandfire @but-legendsneverdie@deardeacy @thewinchesterchronicles @mavieesttriste16@mrsmazzello@benhardyseyes @langdonzvoid @intrrverted @the-freak-cassie-131

A/N: Tell me why everytime I look at a picture of Stanley Uris, I immediately want to cry. Oh my God. heurehuherufshfsdh. 

[thesnottedbrat]

[manga review] Men’s Kou

This is just my personal rant. I just finished ‘seems-fine-manga-turns out-a lil-shit-in the end’ kind of manga.

Men’s Kou (Izumi Kaneyoshi) - baka updates 

Description

From Serenus Dreamers:

Five minute walk to the sea. The closest train station takes 50 minutes by car. Famous private dormitory male high school Seihou is located in that super remote place. What will happen at that place where men are crazy for love?! 

BEWARE, THIS IS GONNA BE A VERY LONG POST

Good Point

Idk whether The Author intention’s to portrayed such an ambiguous moments. 

Educational purposes (life’s experiences)

Our main charas’s designed to have some painful past memories and traits, a death of our loved, unrequited love, unable to express our feelings, introverts, shy, etc. Its a common things and very humane; teenagers/HS students (mostly) have their first adult-to be-experienced in this timeline.

There’s no exact period when and which we could overcome those feelings, maybe a lifetime, maybe 3 mos, maybe years; who knows. It different with each other. But the important things are our willingness to let go the past, learn from our mistakes, and move forward to the future.

Forever but not really forever

Shoujous manga typically selling fluffy dreams, way too fluffy and occasionally way too stupid to read. I have read many shoujous manga that I dont want to read because it way too stupid. In this case, josei or any mature-ish mangas is much better.

Shoujous manga have this kind of philosophy, ‘your first love is gonna be forever and ever’. A simple reality form of classic fairy tale.

I rarely saw a shoujou manga which had a failed first love, overcome it, and obtain a new love. If there’s one, fans sometimes have their majority vote to ship female oc with 1st lead mc. Well, since shoujous type reader range from 13-18 yo, no wonder the stroyline was dreamy like.

It takes a lot of courage for shoujous mangaka to make a new POV for shoujous readers. Otherwise, their new projects unable to sell. In the end of the day, it comes back to money, eh?

* Plot

Plot wise, it’s very good. The plot is straight forward and each characters able to make a significant development. The main setting is about male high school (in deserted dorm) and their love story. 

I able to grasp the author’s core in this story:

ability to take a chance

ability to let go and step forward

a strong willful of human being

friendship and loyalty toward it

* Characters

The characters design are great , eventho the style wasnt your typical shoujo style (wide eyes and detailed hairstyle). The style itself is simple but we able to understand the whole story.

The relationship between characters drawn very well. Maybe because the author wrote it in male pov, there’s sometimes a scene/dialogue that shown in male pov. It doesnt feel like shounen-ish manga, but almost like a real life male pov. 

Each characters have their personal problems and background, but they manage to live in harmony in dorms and solve their daily problems. Disini juga digambarin kalo misalnya seseorang punya masalah itu, ga ada gunanya kalo disimpen sendiri, with sharing to our friends, we able to take step forward with their support. Still the choice to make still upon themself. What a beautiful of friendship!

imo, this is why i love man friendship rather than female friendship.

* Dialogue

I cant say much about this, since it was not an official translation. But, the humor they make sounds plausible to reader to understand. They have occasionally male high school jokes on it, which silly but entertaining. I guess this is the most fun part (for me).

Negative Traits

I pretty much understand, because this is a MANGA (a shoujo to boot), THE CHARAS MUST HAVE A GOOD ENDING, NO MATTER WHAT (business stuff, I know), but OH COME ON!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!? 

I totally pissed. Betraying and cheating is not cool. And with your best friend? Just to fucking heal your-oh-so-deep-past-scar-cus-our-important-person-didnt-understand-ours !!? yeah right, KISS MY ASS!!!

tbh, i hope the author can wrap the ending more realistic, it sucks. like everyone can really forgiven their best friend betrayal. even though Kamiki and Takano affair didnt emphasize what they’ve been doing for the past 4 months, but God know it was an affair afterall.

So, Author-san, did they for the past 4 mos comforting each other with:

secret phonecalls - what? they just talking about their pain? 

secret meeting - hmm? just having a dine in and talk about some painful moments/feelings? or did you guys comfort physically too?

petty talk - i understand your loneliness, and i hope we can fix it together even tho we dont love each other (we have bf/gf).

wow, talk about some serious bullshit here.

I dont think that Takano and Kamiki have a platonic relationship. The Author hints too many mysterious and WTF moments between em. Moreover, WHAT WITH THAT BLUSHED FACE!!!!

Hohoho, what an obvious feeling, dont you think!!!?

And in the end, it turns their affair wasnt that big deal. They simply forgiven because Kamiki have a knight complex and Takano just studied abroad, they comforting each other while doing nothing wrong (talk about self justification here). 

Dude, you missing the point. It’s not what you supposed to do in a relationship. That way of thinking is what all betrayers do (and thought) all over the world. You dont trust and respect your original partner in all manner accounts. You just completely disregard their true values, their feelings and somehow put them in a whole different dimension. You think you doing this for their sake, but whose sake we really talking about?!

To make it worse, even their own friends; Genda, Nogami, and Hanai - in unison that ‘their’ affair happen for some important reason and Maki and Fuyuka should forgive ‘em. YEAH RIGHT. TELL ME STRAIGHT TO MY FACE IF THERE’S ANY IMPORTANT REASON FOR ALL AFFAIRS IN THE WORLD.

OVERALL THOUGHT

This manga kinda complicated for me, i like it but at the same time i hate it. So maybe someday, I will give it a try to read it again; eventually like it. But for now, I just gonna avoid it as much.

Personally, this is was a quite good manga. The characters, plot, and artwork quite my liking. This is a shoujou manga but in the beginning it has a shounen ai tone (eventually it’s gone after the 2nd volume till end). I love such a setting, all boys dorm with many ikemen around, and it reminded me with  Komatta Toki ni wa Hoshi ni Kike! (Miyuki Abe) Well, tbh i kinda hope it turns more soft BL tho hahaha.

It started very good, a lot of humors side (daily life at boys dorms, school and friendship - totally hilarious), romance (those very typical high school), and slice of life. The climax was unexpected, but still good; well at least the Author able to make me swearing a lot at this chapter (hey, I’m praising her here). But seriously, the ending was totally SHIT.

[ifuthinkmylifeismessyseemyhair]

quarantine day 43 and 44

(because last night i slept at 5am.. not doing work, not doing anything, just dont sleep lol)

gotta keep this short because now it’s 12:44 and i want to woke up early, gonna cook pasta pesto eiei

finally we’ve got the ingredients 🥰

first thing first, J’S ON MY FEET

been wanting this since highschool and finally they arrived!!

and hmm what else, oh, i did learn new part of the song today.. (decided that i want to learn the whole song because it’s sooo beautiful 🥺) but im suck so still stick with the intro..., ytd i worked for like 1 hr in total ahhhhah and then got distracted by making album artwork for t, ended up playing guitars with him till midnight lol

tbh i didnt feel like i was wasting time or anything, it was more fun and i enjoyed listening to his so-called song (it was good ahhaahah) more than looking at random alphabets on microsoft ..

however, fast forward, now that the deadline have been changed.. gotta be more serious 💩 feeling like lately i’ve beeen losing my focus even more easily (yeah, added on one of my hidden talent, kinda proud) at this point, i can change what i was talking from “what is your work goal today” to “did you know that ostrich can’t fly” , not saying it is a bad thing but i need to graduate dudeeeeee

tbh there’s a lot of things for me to think about.. like WTH SHOULD I DO WITH MY LIFE AFTER GRAD dont even want to start on that topic... not ready to have another breakdown 😂 soooo i realized the best way is to deal with thing one at the time, i should focus on finishing my thesis first.. so other stuffs FUCK IT.. well, for now putting it on pause haaha

andddddd 29apr, today, i woke up at 1 am... that’s not very surprising but it’s the new record! talking about new record, today is the first day, i stayed up working till midnight sitting outside🌝 one point for miss potato!

moreover, (shit.. i think i’ve been reading too much articles) just want to dedicate this paragraph to my grandparents, they were so sweet today🥺 she was very worried about me doing my work sitting outside in the dark, so she constantly ask if im okay awwww

i’m not okay but awwww AHHHAHHAH love ma fam

yep, that’s pretty much what happended during these two days

nite nite, and again can’t wait to make pasta tmr! also, so proud of myself to (at least try) to write here everyday haahaha another point for miss potato yay

[canwetalkaboutcaptainswan]

280 Days

Finally finally the fic you all requested...Pregnant!Emma galore. It’s a long one folks. I hope you enjoy it!! 

@justcheckingstuffcs @dark-ones-dont-need-sleep @losttalongthewayy @leatherjacketsandrum @mrandmrsswan @naiariddle @raggedyclaraa @mayquita @thegladelf @flslp87 @onceuponiwishmytime @galadriel26 @captainswanslay @captainswan710 @allofthismatters @mxltifandoms @caaptain-swan @jennjenn615 @kmomof4 @justcheckingstuffcs @blowmiakisscolin 

Don’t forget, if I missed you in the tags, just shoot me a message and I’ll tag you from now on. And if you just got here, this piece is a companion piece to this, but you could still enjoy it if you haven’t read anything from the Nth Time Series.(But if you want to read all the parts, just go to my blog and check the cs ff tag.)

Enjoy this big fat heaping dose of CS family fluff!

~ Jenn 

*************************************************

~ Day 78

She hates it. She forgot how much actually being pregnant sucks. 280 days of pure, undiluted torture. She’s queasy in the mornings and sweaty at night and she’s only known she’s pregnant for two weeks but god, it already feels like it’s been an eternity. Today is especially bad because this morning she woke up and she wanted eggs and Killian, of course, because this is Killian, made her eggs but then the smell made her sick, which made him feel bad which made her feel bad which made her cry which made him feel even worse which made her feel even worse. And her belly is already so round and in charge, and god, she’s 11 weeks pregnant and how dare her stupid perfect husband pump her full of so many babies?!

~ Day 83

They find an obstetrician that specializes in multiples at a Children’s hospital in Boston. The drive there is a little too far for Killian’s liking (45 minutes, 40 if you speed) but Emma assures him that it’s worth it and that she’d rather make the drive than trust Frankenstein to deliver their twins. Their first visit there is a Tuesday, and they’re delightfully surprised when the friendly obstetrician offers to get out her ultrasound machine. It’s the first time Killian’s seen the babies and he’s transfixed on the screen, watching those little blobs dance with the happiest of expressions. He cries when he hears their heartbeats for the first time, and before they leave, Dr. Cameron whispers to Emma about how lucky she is to have such a supportive partner. “Oh believe me,” she agrees, offering a smile, “there’s no way I could do this with anyone but him."

~ Day 90

Today is lovely in every sense of the word. It’s a lazy day, that Saturday, a perfect day off. Emma sleeps in and misses the morning sail, waking only to the patter of little 3-year old feet and the feeling of sea salt dusted lips against her hairline. She opens her eyes just as Leia clambers up on the bed, intent on telling the babies about her morning even though they can’t hear her really, not yet. “The wind was perfect, little loves,” the three year-old explains, and Emma watches Killian quietly sigh on account of Leia’s now-perfect “L” sounds. His only consolation is that his heart is warmed by the fact that she’s mastered the sound by using her own special nickname on her brothers ("or sisters, Killian.” “No, Swan.").

~ Day 112

There’s a crisis. What a surprise. Some villain with an ample supply of magic knock-out powder is going from shop to shop in town, taking money from the tills. Granny and Gold were both found unconscious, and August had been hit with the powder at the top of a staircase, which he’d then fallen down and broken a leg and a collarbone. Enough was enough and it was time to catch the bandit. Emma scurries around the house, fetching her jacket and loading her gun before snapping it into the holster. She’d had to expand the buckle on the thing to accommodate for her expanding girth already. (Ugh, are you kidding me?) She's pissed because it's her day off and now she has this to deal with. Her and Killian had been having a much needed nap together while Leia played with Henry, and it nearly killed her to leave his arms. Killian follows her around the house as she readies herself, and one look at his face lets her know something's bothering him. She goes to the front door to put on her boots, and he trails behind, busying himself with straightening the rest of the shoes in the foyer while she ties her laces. “Hey,” she says when she's finished, reaching for him, “I won’t be long, okay? Gunna nab this asshole and then my dad can deal with him. I’ll be back in no time to finish our nap.”

Killian takes a deep breath but forces a smile. Still, Emma can see that it doesn't reach his eyes, and can tell he’s unsettled inside. Unfortunately there's no time for her to figure it out now, as she really does have to go. He leans down and kisses her forehead. “Aye. Be…just be careful, Swan, alright?”

She nods, kissing his cheek before darting out the front door and going down the porch steps, toward the bug. She reaches into her pocket to retrieve her phone, intent on calling her dad and figuring out where they should start searching for this bastard. But before she can dial, she hears the front door open behind her. She spins, expecting it to be Leia wanting to say goodbye to her, but it isn’t. Killian is standing on the front porch, a heartbreaking expression of desperation etched on his face as he gazes at her. Well actually, she realizes, he isn’t really gazing at her, but rather at the small protrusion underneath her jacket that’s currently housing his two tiny humans.

“Please don’t go, Swan,” he says then, and the words are a quiet, desperate plead.

Understanding floods Emma almost instantly, and she mentally kicks herself because how had she failed to realize before the obvious reason why he looked so terrified?

“Oh Killian, I won’t,” she says automatically, and she immediately steps toward him, releasing her hold on her phone. Killian exhales in obvious relief and rushes toward her, meeting her at the bottom of the porch and pulling her into his arms. She wraps her own arms around him tightly, carding her fingers through his hair to soothe him.  

He nuzzles against her ear. “I’m sorry, love. I know you can handle yourself, but I was just afraid that-“

“Hey, hey hey. Don’t be sorry, Killian, you’re right. I love you so much, okay? I’m not going anywhere. We’re all right here.”

He exhales again, nodding against her, and she still feels guilty for even considering endangering their unborn children. What if she’d been knocked out? Or fallen down a flight of stairs like August? She shudders in his arms at the mere thought, and does her best to throw all that out of her head. She’s safe here, he has her. “C’mon,” she smiles gently, nodding toward the house, “I’ll call my dad and we’ll resume our nap.”

~ Day 120

"Do you know how amazing you are?” he asks her one night when they’re settled intimately in their bathtub, Leia asleep, candles lit and bubbles abounding. Her back is pressed against his chest and his hand is settled under the water against her belly, her abdominal muscles quivering as he circles her navel with his pinkie finger. They’re cheek to stubbled cheek, so she’s sure he can feel the heat of her blush.

“Hmm,” she hums quietly, unsure of how to respond to his grandiose, complimentary statement.

“You’re just constantly amazing me, my love. First I got to watch you learn to be a mother to a little boy who is now our beautiful, astute young man. And then I got to watch you fiercely deliver our little screaming daughter into the world and have the pleasure of helping you raise her to be the perfect little ray of light that she is. And now here we are again, you’re blessing me with the greatest gift again, of carrying not one more but two more little creatures whom I already love so desperately that it makes me half-crazed. I’d have nothing if not for you, Emma Swan-Jones. You quite literally rooted me up from a place where I had nothing and you gave me everything. And I love you so, so much. So much.”

Emma just stares at him, tears gathering bountifully in her eyes. “...okay, well. I have absolutely no idea how to follow that speech, so I guess I’ll just kiss you now, okay?” she tries.

Killian just beams at her, the love in his gaze setting fire to her skin. “Okay,” he whispers.

~ Day 126

The paint is cold, but it feels nice. She's sprawled out on a hammock she let Leia conjure in their creepy-basement-turned-multi-purpose space, her belly jutting out proudly towards the ceiling. It's splattered with patterns of blues and pinks, Leia's paintbrush sweeping smoothly in a rhythmic motion that's halfway lulling her to sleep. Killian sits nearby in a lazy boy, yet another book about raising multiples perched on his lap. Noticing her mother’s eyes shut, Leia turns to her father. “How much longer until we can find out, Daddy?”

Killian smiles widely at his daughter’s artwork before looking at her. “Just two more weeks now, little love. I promise.”

~Day 140

No matter how hard anyone tries, the piñata just will not bust open. The backyard is all but packed to the max, literally all of Storybrooke having gathered for the grand celebration. Pink and blue decorations a la Mary Margaret are everywhere, and all that stands between everyone and the truth is a giant, pirate-ship-shaped piñata. All the kids - Leia, Robyn, Neal, Alexandra, Finley, etc - have been taking turns whacking the thing for the past half hour. Henry even took a mean swing, followed by Charming. But still, nothing. Killian is all but vibrating with excitement, swallowing curses every time somebody hits it.

“Why are you so nervous?” Emma elbows him playfully, oddly feeling calm despite the gravity of this situation. “You’ve said from day 1 you know they’re boys.”

“Aye, Swan, but it’s been a bloody eternity. I need that candy to fall so I can be certain.”

Emma clasps his shaking hand, rubbing the back of it with her thumb. ���Patience, grasshopper. I’m sure one of these times—”

They’re interrupted by a thunderous crack, Neal having hit the ship particularly hard this time. The piñata swings wildly and everyone’s eyes watch it in anticipation, and then there’s a collective groan when it simply swings to a stop, virtually unharmed. “Emma there has to be a better way,” Regina whines, throwing her hands in the air. “Can’t I just blast the damn thing with a fireball?”

“No, wait!” Leia interjects, throwing the bat Neal handed her to the grass and scampering over to her parents. “Daddy. Hook please?”

Emma laughs at her little firecracker’s drastic plan, and releases Killian’s hand so he can remove the hook from its holster. His face is a mask of suspense, and his fingers shake ever so slightly. Leia of course, doesn’t miss it. “Come with me, Daddy? We can do it together!”

A smile breaks out on his face as he hands Leia the curved metal, the sun glinting off it in the afternoon light. Leia holds it carefully and Killian scoops her up, unable to resist the urge to kiss her rosy little cheek. “My smart little pirate,” he chides her, striding towards the piñata. “Are you ready?”

Everyone falls quiet. Emma’s heart rate quickens as she watches Killian and Leia go, and she brings her hand to rest against her belly. Mary Margaret fusses for the rest of the kids to back up, and Killian catches Emma’s eye for a brief moment. “Love you,” he mouths.

“I love you too,” she mouths right back.

And all at once, Leia swings her arm and plunges the hook deep into the piñata, yanking fiercely. And suddenly, finally, there’s an outpouring of candy, and Emma rolls her eyes and smiles because every piece is blue.

~ Day 148

No matter how hard she tries, she just can’t stop crying. Leia’s spending the day with Killian and his brother and Henry’s at school, so it isn’t like her loud sobs echoing around in the empty house are bothering anyone. She’s curled up on Killian’s side of their bed, and she stares in anger at the book of baby boy names she’d just chucked across the room. The tears roll hotly down her cheeks as she tries to untangle the knot of frustration coiled in her chest. There’s still time, Emma. Don’t worry, Emma. Somehow you’ll come up with names for not one but two little boys, Emma. She tries and fails to calm herself. Why the fuck had naming Leia been so easy? It had been the first of 3 names either of them suggested and they both fell in love with it. Why couldn’t this be easy, too? A fresh sob escapes her throat and she reaches for her phone, jamming her fingers irrationally hard against the buttons as she dials. Killian answers on the first ring, concern all too thick in his tone when he hears her sniffling. “Swan, what’s wrong?!” he demands in a hurry.

“C-can you pl-please come home?” she stammers, immediately hating herself for sounding like the hormonal pregnant lady that she is, “I’m hungry and I need you and your sons both need names.”

~ day 165

“Woah, Mommy!” Leia exclaims, her little hands pressed against Emma’s tummy, “Do it again!”

“I can’t make them kick, Leiabear. Try talking to them. When Daddy would talk to you, you would go crazy in there.”

“Hi, baby boys,” Leia coos at Emma’s tummy. “Are you warm and cozy in there? You talk too, Mommy. They like you.”

“Hello in there, sweet boys,” Emma coos, and Leia squeals excitedly as the kicks start up again. “We love you so much, all of us out here.”

“We DO love you,” Leia agrees, patting the spots she felt kicks. She giggles infectiously, and Emma reaches up to tuck her wild hair back behind her ears.

The front door opens then, Killian having returned from his quick run to Granny’s. Leia screams for him the minute she hears the door click, not wanting him to miss out on the fun. “Daddy, come quick!”

Emma rolls her eyes and laughs as she hears Killian’s thunderous, rushed footsteps carrying him up the stairs to where his girls (and boys) are. “What’s wrong? What’s happening?!” he demands, his face frantic.

“Did you seriously leave my onion rings at the front door?!” Emma scolds him.

“The babies are kicking us!” Leia explains excitedly.

Killian gasps and rushes over to the bed, and Leia jumps to the side so he has room. “And I missed it?!” The horror and sadness in his tone makes Emma laugh while simultaneously making Leia visibly upset.

“It’s okay, Daddy. It’s okay. They’ll do it again, I promise. They kick really hard when Mommy talks. Talk, Mommy!”

Emma, feeling the slightest bit like some riveting zoo exhibit, heeds her daughter’s request. “Little babies,” she begins, and Killian hovers his hands over her belly, letting Leia show him where to place his palms. “Your Daddy’s home now, little loves. He rushed up here so fast he forgot our food downstairs. Say, ‘we’re hungry, Dad!’’

The furious kicking starts then, and Killian gasps and chuckles in delight. “My lads!” he exclaims, rubbing gently where he can feel the tiny pushes. “Do you love your Mummy’s voice oh so very much? Dare I say she’s your very first love?”

“Oh, you bet I am,” Emma teases him, and Killian winks at her.

“That’s alright,” he teases back, “They’re they only two men I’ll ever surrender you to.”

~ Day 175

Building cribs is more difficult than it looks. Killian had refused help from Emma’s father, determined to accomplish the task all on his own. He’s literally sweating, even after cracking open the boys’ nursery window and taking off his coat and shirt. Despite the difficulty, he’s almost done…assembling one of the two, at least. Just a few more screws to tighten in and it would be on to the second one. He daydreams to pass the time, thinking about how one day soon Emma will bring their boys into the world. He physically aches with the need to meet them, to see their sweet little faces, to hold them and love them and never let them go. At the same time, though, he doesn’t want to meet them quite yet, for he knows how important it is for them to stay inside Emma for as long as there’s room. Emma’s doing a wonderful job carrying them, he thinks to himself. Despite the fact that her back aches and she pees every half hour, to Killian she’s an utter vision, his love, the grandest beauty there ever was. He’s so lost in thought that he fails to notice that the object of his affections is leaning against the doorframe, grilled cheese for him balanced against the top of her bump.

Emma too, is lost in thought, gazing down at her sweaty, chiseled, half-naked pirate. He’s a mess of furrowed brow and rippling muscle, and she swears that if he tries to build the second crib before taking her to bed she’ll kill him.

~ Day 197

At one of their ultrasound appointments, their regular ultrasound technician Amy asks Emma if it would be alright if a student joined her and helped. Emma smiles at the student (who looks nervous and terrified) and assures her that she’s fine with it. Normally Killian sits right by Emma to watch, but seeing as there are two technicians instead of one, he instead sits in a chair in the corner of the room so as not to be in the way. Emma makes small talk with the women, honestly doing her best to calm the student down. Her hands shake as she applies the gel, and apologizes for the temperature with a speech she’d definitely memorized. “It’s okay,” Emma tries to comfort her. “You’re doing great.” The student offers her a smile, and Amy tells her to find baby A’s heartbeat. She moves the probe and does so with ease, the fast rhythmic thudding music to Killian’s ears, as always.

Once it’s recorded, Amy tells the student she can do baby B now. The student nods and moves the probe, stopping the noise. She slides the thing upward, and presses it down. No thudding comes, and Emma smiles at the girl again when she notices her start to panic. “Try sliding it posteriorly a bit,” Amy instructs. The probe moves again, and still no sound. The student now looks like she wants to crawl into a hole and die, and Emma feels terrible. She turns away to share a pitied look with Killian, but is startled profusely when her gaze lands on her husband’s face. Killian looks white as a ghost. His face is contorted and his eyes are bulging wide, and he honestly looks like he might faint or throw up. Quickly reading his mind, Emma jerks suddenly, looking at the women again.

“Uhh, I’m sorry. Me and my husband were having a…huge fight in the car on the way here and I uhh..don’t feel settled because we didn’t resolve it. Could you give us like, 3 minutes alone? I’m so sorry. You’re honestly doing a great job,” she assures the young girl, patting her arm and feeling bad for lying.

“Sure Emma,” Amy agrees, motioning for the student to follow her out of the room. I’ll just let Alana look at your charts if that’s okay with you.”

“Of course,” Emma says, trying to get them out of the room as fast as possible. The minute they walk out of the room Emma moves faster than she’s moved in months, jumping out of the chair and going to Killian’s corner. “Killian, look at me. Killian,” she says firmly, his gaze lost far away still, but her voice snaps him out of it and he looks in her eyes, the terror in his face nearly blinding her. “Listen to me. That baby is fine. Absolutely, one hundred percent fine. That girl is a student, Killian. She’s just learning. The heartbeat is there, do you hear me? She’s just a kid. She’s just learning and she doesn’t know exactly where to put the thingie. But the actual baby is fine. It’s okay. I promise you.”

Killian starts to cry and she yanks him into her arms, the gel on her belly most likely smearing onto some of his leather. “Are you sure?” he croaks against her, and her heart almost shatters.

“Yes, babe. Yes. I promise you, he’s fine. They’re both fine. I’m so sorry you got so scared. Here, come here.”

She drags him over to her chair and grabs the probe, which is thankfully still on. Emma places it on her own belly, and within a few seconds she finds the right spot. Thudding once again fills the room and Killian presses his forehead to hers, basically collapsing with relief. She rubs his cheek with her free hand, kissing all over his face. “See? It’s okay. Your babies are fine. They’re both fine, I promise. I’m so sorry, Killian. You don’t have to be scared. Everything’s okay.”

Killian slowly collects himself, breathing deeply and rubbing at his eyes. Emma threads their fingers together, squeezing his hand. “She’s just learning, Killian. And she’s so nervous. Amy is probably her teacher and she’s afraid she’s gunna screw up. Are you okay now?”

Killian takes another deep breath. “Aye, Swan. I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Killian. You were just scared and that’s okay, okay? Here, pull that chair over here. Sit right by me, okay?”

Killian pulls the chair over, and kisses Emma's forehead. “Shall I go tell the ladies we’ve resolved our fake fight?”

Emma chuckles, squeezing his hand again. “Yes, please."

~ Day 212

She isn’t allowed out of bed anymore. Last week she’d been dizzy, and because she didn’t want to worry Killian she didn’t tell him. And then today, she’d fainted. Thankfully she was standing next to Killian when it happened, thankfully he caught her, and thankfully Leia didn’t see. She’d come to only minutes later, wearing no clothes and covered in cold towels, Killian crying and on the phone with the OB. For a split second she felt like laughing at the image of him freaking out and literally ripping her clothes off her (they were in a pile of shreds next to her) but then she felt like an ass because the whole thing had scared him tremendously and probably shaved years off his life. The doctor told him on the phone that it was probably her blood pressure dipping and that she should be on bedrest from now until the babies come. But nevertheless, he insists on driving her to Boston for a checkup. Thankfully everything is normal, aside from the fact that her blood pressure is dipping, and then the doctor repeats again, that she isn’t to get out of bed anymore.

~ Day 222

10 days in bed and she feels like she might die of boredom. Emma Swan does not lay in bed and do nothing - not her style. So it’s tremendously hard to let Killian do everything for her, even though he does it with zero complaints. Thankfully she has an entertaining 3 year old to help her pass the time. Today Leia’s activity of choice is to practice magic, and she does so by laying next to Emma and flicking her wrists to change the colour of the walls. And as she watches her tiny daughter wield her power, Emma errantly wonders whether the twins will have magic. Then she gets too wigged out by the idea of two identical male toddlers with magical fists, and promptly sends Leia to tell Daddy to make Mommy an ice cream sundae.

~ Day 230

“Mom. This is a little out of hand, you have to admit.”

“Oh, I fully admit to that, Emma. But just think. We won’t get to dress them ourselves forever. We have to take advantage.” Mary Margaret had went shopping in Boston, and Emma was fairly certain there isn’t a stitch of infant boy clothing left in any stores in the whole city, on account of they are all splayed out in front of her. Overalls and moccasins and sleepers and cable knit sweaters and onesies galore (2 of each, of course).

Emma smiles at her mother, who is so obviously proud of herself. “Thanks, Mom. I’m sure they’ll love all of it. So much so that I’m sure they’ll spit up or poop to prove their gratitude to you.”

~ Day 240

She wakes up in the middle of the night, and Killian isn’t in bed with her. At first, she just assumes he’d crawled in with Leia like always, but then something inside her makes her want to check to make sure he’s okay. She hauls her larger-than-life body out of bed (which secretly is a blessing because these days she never gets to use her legs. Killian has even taken to insisting she be carried to the bathroom) and walks down the hallway.

Sure enough, he isn’t in the giant Jolly Roger bed. Instead, she finds him across the hall, in the twins’ nursery. He’s sitting on the floor between the cribs, his legs curled up and his chin resting on his hands. He’s so lost in thought that it takes a few seconds for him to notice his whale of a wife in the doorframe. But he does, eventually.

“You shouldn’t be out of bed, love,” he scolds her lightly, and she just rolls her eyes at him, coming into the room. It takes great effort, (and a little of his help) but eventually she sits down on the floor next to him. She offers him her hand and he takes it, linking their fingers.

It’s silent for a moment as she waits for him to speak.

“It’ll be soon, aye?”

Emma blows out a puff of air. “I think so. I hope so. I’m tired of being pregnant. I hate it, you know.”

Killian chuckles quietly. “Never would’ve guessed,” he jokes.

“Don’t get me wrong, I love having babies with you. I just don’t enjoy the carting-them-around-on-top-of-my-organs-for-hundreds-of-days part.”

“I understand. I’m sorry. I wish I could do more.”

“Hey, you. You know you give me everything I need and more. Now, talk to me. What’s bothering you?”

“I’m worried about them, Emma.”

Emma crinkles up her nose. “What? Worried about what part?”

He sighs. “There’s two of them and there’s one of me. What if they both need protecting and I can’t-“

“Hey, now,” Emma interrupts, raising a hand to cup his face. “First of all, I have complete confidence that if for any reason one or several of our children were threatened, you would find a way to protect them. And second of all, you’re right. There is only one of you. But there’s also one of me. So there’s two of them, and two of us. You’ve told me from day one that we can handle this, so now it’s my turn to tell you. We can do this, Killian. Together, just like we’ve always done everything. It’s gunna be a hell of a crazy ride, but we’re going to love every second. I know it.”

He smiles then, putting his arm around her. She leans into him, and promptly yawns. “Best back to bed for you, my love,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“Fine,” she agrees, wiggling in an attempt to stand, “but you’re gunna let me walk there myself.”

~ Day 246

He wakes up in the middle of the night to the sound of her sniffling. He reaches for her instinctively, but soon realizes she’s sitting on the edge of the bed and out of reach. He jolts upright, jostling the bed. “Are the babies coming?!” he asks her frantically, shaking his head to wake himself up.

“No,” she sniffles, and her answer comes out in somewhat of an angry snarl. He crawls to her, reaching with his good hand to massage her shoulder, but she shrugs his touch away, leaving him confused. “What’s troubling you, darling?” he asks gently, trying to get her to meet his gaze.

“I’m so big,” she cries, frustration in her tone. “I’m tired of it.”

“Hey now,” he clucks at her, and he climbs to sit next to her so he can pull her against his side, but she again resists his touch.

Then she starts yelling. “I’m tired of your “hey nows!” And I’m tired of your side hugs! And I’m tired of being the little spoon and then waking up with you having rolled away from me. I miss when you could hold me all night long with my face against your neck and your chest chair against my nipples. When you hold me like that I feel safe. And I’m just sad cause I can’t remember the last time I actually fit in my favourite spot and I woke up and had to pee of course and when I came back to bed there was no foreseeable way for me to get myself close to-”

She’s rambling now, and working herself up to cry harder, so he deems it an appropriate time to interrupt her. “Oh, my love. I’m so sorry, sweetheart. Come right here, darling. We’ll fix it. You’ll fit right here, right where you belong. Emma, my love. Let me hold you, sweet.”

She tries to argue but he just pulls her with him to the middle of the bed, her towering belly peeking out from under her tank top. He pulls off said tank top before laying on his back, beckoning her to follow suit. She refuses and it’s difficult, but he is determined to please her. He continues pulling at her and it’s awkward at first, but he situates them so that she’s on her side facing him and her ginormous belly is resting on top of his flat one. She fusses about crushing him and he just hushes her, yanking pillows to tuck behind her so she’s comfortable and maneuvering his arm so she can use it to rest her head on and ensuring that his chest hair is fulfilling its rightful duty. After many wiggles and huffs, she finds she can miraculously cuddle against his collarbone with ease, and his arms are tight around her, his good hand trailing lines up her arm.

“Would you magic the blankets over us, love?” He asks, and she sniffles a final time, summoning the sheet and duvet to drape over them the way she likes. One of her legs is tucked between his, and she realizes she can feel the warmth of his skin in a way she’s missed desperately for what seems like forever.

“Better?” Killian whispers, and she kisses his jaw, letting the scent of him calm her further.

“Yeah,” she sighs, and though he feels like her belly might indeed suffocate him, he does admit to himself that he missed holding her like this, close, where he knows she’s safe, where he can see her lovely face and watch her fall asleep. He can feel the babies kicking then, and he pauses rubbing her arm to rub the side of her belly.

“See? You fit. No matter what, you’ll always fit right here, Swan.”

She wiggles a bit, sighing contentedly, and he tightens his hold on her. They lay in silence for a few minutes, just holding each other, and Emma closes her eyes.

Killian’s lips play at her forehead and he whispers his love to her, his voice a soft cadence that he’s used many a time to get her to sleep. Just when he thinks sleep is about to pull her under though, her eyes snap open and she practically growls.

“Fuck my LIFE, KILLIAN. I HAVE TO PEE. TELL YOUR SONS THEY NEED TO GET OUT.”

~ Day 249

It’s movie night. Henry insists they watch Star Wars again, and everyone struggles to get settled on the couch as the opening monologue of episode IV slides across the screen. (Thankfully, everyone in the house has it memorized. Even Leia.) Leia ends up on Killian’s lap, and Emma sits between them and Henry. Her belly makes for a perfect table for the popcorn, until a baby kicks so hard that the bowl tips over and pieces fly everywhere. Emma screams and Henry startles and Leia tries to clean it up quick with her magic, but she accidentally makes the whole couch disappear. The four of them land on the ground with a thud, and they all laugh so hard tears streak down their faces. Once the couch is conjured back they focus on the film, Leia zonking out midway through, as always. Emma dozes too, her head on Killian’s shoulder, but Henry swats her periodically and tells her to pay attention. She does her best to comply, for she knows the days are numbered, and that it’s only a matter of time before a duo of tiny jedis take over their home.

~ Day 251

In the early hours of the morning on the 251st day, she wakes to the feeling of a gush of liquid rushing down her thighs to soak their bed. Shit. Shit. She realizes in that moment that her days are up, that she’ll never make it to day 280, that these boys are coming and they are coming now. She turns over to the sleeping man next to her, to the man who has been her rock and her strength for the past 251 days and well, eons before that too, of course. His hair is tousled and his face is peaceful and all she wants in life is for their sons to look like him. “Killian,” she whispers, voice cutting through the silence, “Killian, hey. You’ve gotta wake up.”

[ruveluarna-blog]

Development, Process, Collaboration

(This is our entire Facebook chat group, which shows our process of thought and elimination).

Hey gals! Alrighty, we need to get this project underway! Let's all post our ideas on here and we can throughout the week decide on an idea we really like? MarleenaYeah that sounds like a good idea  i will get back to u guys with an idea tomorrowMAR 31ST, 11:20AMMarleenaOkay, so there's a work in week 4's powerpoints (topic: responsibility) called "Rythm 0" by Marina Abramovic. Basically, Abramovic lay out a bunch of props and allowed museum goers to manipulate her body, with or without the props, for six hours. Yoko Ono did a reinterpretation of the idea, but allowed the audience to take turns snipping pieces of cloth from her clothes.MarleenaI think it'd be really interesting to take these ideas and spin them in a more positive and constructive way. (The Rythm 0 artwork ended pretty "violently" - someone used the provided loaded gun to position it against her forehead, and then there was a fight in the audience to make them stop etc)ImmiYes will have a look into this later today !MAR 31ST, 1:19PMYes I really liked that one, I checked it out on YouTube!I'm down for thisMaybe we can even do an installation type thing and record itSo many ideas! Where do you live Marlena?*marleenaI'm thinking we should all get together sometime before class next week if we can, if not we can prepare it all over here MarleenaI live near liverpool, western suburbs Im still trying to brainstorm ideas on how we could reinterpret the work tho Hmm okay that's like a 55 minute drive MarleenaLOL we can try meet up at uniI reckon if we all agree on this artwork, let's each brainstorm ideas on any sort of way in which we could reinterpret it, then just post ideas here. Maybe on Sunday we can try and decide on what we like best?Yeah I think so hahahMarleenaokay lets do that, sunday we'll make a decision on what idea to pursue Im not too familar with "time-based work" sooo gotta do some researchMAR 31ST, 6:09PMImmiAPR 1ST, 9:37PMHaha all good!APR 1ST, 11:19PMHere are some very rudimentary ideas so far!Oh I just had an idea, we could go up to randoms on campus and out in the city and get them to write one word and hold it in front of them and we can film them holding it up. We can get them to write down whatever; what they think life is, beauty is, what is real, what dreams are, what they are labelled, whatever you want!Just an idea APR 2ND, 9:31AMMarleenahey just finished reading your ideas! looking good so far i think right now though the ideas as they are dont really link to responsibility clearly or are resolved enoughim looking at some of the stuff u written and trying to think of ways to push them furtheri think the idea of taking something that is meant to shed light on the negative parts of being human, and flipping it to show positivity is something really interesting relating to responsibilityi think that idea of asking people a personal question, like what life is etc, that u suggested touches on that and has potential reminds me of that artist who let people write on a wall what they want to do before they diesorry if the stuff im saying sounds kinda disjointed or weird, cos i just woke up and im just writing what i think as it goes in my head hahaMarleenaan idea i had about transforming marina's work, is maybe laying out a table of items like she did but including "caring" items instead, like bandaids and spa stuff and chocolates. we can put out a chair and a camera, and people are allowed to use the stuff as long as they sit in the chairMarleenahey about that idea with recording people's smiles, itd be kinda cool to expand it and do it about human's relationship with others, not just smiling but hugging talking and high fiving etc. itd be interesting how it relates to physicality, and itd probs contrast really well with the marina workImmiHey guys! Soz for being a little MIA I was going to have a good look this morning and see if I can workshop some of the ideas we've got too so I'll let ya know :)) awesome job so far teamMarleenano worries ive been supa swamped with stuff too hahaAPR 2ND, 11:22AMImmiok so i was having a look at some of the work in the lecture slides from the documentation and editing week and this work i thought was pretty interesting-- we could have a wall where we get people to collaborate by writing ideas or or drawings on like sticky notes or scrap paper and then organise them on a wall and then the time based aspect could be a sped up video of people writing and adding to the wall?  http://monumenttotransformation.org/atlas-of-transformation/html/c/crisis-of-capitalism/crisis-of-capitalism-ayreen-anastas-rene-gabri.htmlCrisis of Capitalism | Ayreen Anastas, René GabriCrisis of Capitalism | Ayreen Anastas, René Gabrimonumenttotransformation.orgImmicould be like a question related to stuff going on in the world and how they would fix it? or invent something? and get people to draw sketches or write ideas?i don't know just thinking :))APR 2ND, 6:19PMMarleenai think thats an interesting take on documentation... like, it relates to the idea of a kinda "communal" documentation?its pretty interesting to create a public forum for documentation, kinda like designated grafitti walls or online forumsImmiYeah nice!APR 2ND, 7:58PMMarleenahi everyone, dunno bout u guys but im still kinda conflicted about this assignment hahai think all the major ideas we came up with so far have been pretty interesting and im having trouble deciding which one i like the mostwhat are your opinions on this assignment?? is there anything u guys r super keen on so far?or anything u rly wanna do?for me, i definitely wanna do something that's hyper creative and outside the box - for this assignment im a little afraid of doing something thats been done or reminds me of a facebook or youtube vid i watchedi think no matter what idea we pick i definitely want to push it to its limits Yeah Marlena in response to your first response I agree, they were all heaps rudimentary ideas that I quickly wrote down before bed and definitely need expansion - they were just an idea to kick us off  I like the smile/high 5/hug ideas. I definitely want to do something "fresh" as well so I'm with you on that! No body likes the same old same. I'm still conflicted about the assignment too haha. The only thing is we have to think about the readability of it all - we don't really want to spend money buying items, etc, and we have to think about how we can record it and where we will do it MarleenaThanks for brainstorming so much  im definitely also keen on saving money too - doing something performance-y like suggested or just paper and pen like immi's idea seem like practical ideas to keep costs lowYep I like!MarleenaThe idea i suggested about the "caring" items would probs be no good for thatHaha maybe not Good thought butOkay let's keep brainstorming then and maybe decide by Tuesday night?MarleenaHaha yeah lets see how it goesWorse comes to worse we can talk it through with the tutor on wednesdayYeah, I'm sure we will figure it out but!MarleenaI will try make a list of ideas like u did No probs. We could even make a Pinterest board or whatever MarleenaOohh high tech hahaAPR 3RD, 1:09PMOkay so let's decide tonight on something solid so we can each conduct rudimentary experiments tomorrow on our own and document on TumblrMarleenaOk understood Immiyep nice.. i think maybe doing a time lapse or something could be interestingand maybe doing a trial of that? could get audience involved through drawing? I'm happy to do that at college?MarleenaIm looking at that email again and i think that tutor is only talking about her class, not ours, so i doubt when we rick up to class our tutor is going to expect us to have anything prepared (she will probs even send us an email herself)Immiok coolMarleenaBut doing a little experiment for tumblr ourselves actually sounds like a good idea to get us started, practice-led research and suchImmianother random idea hahah could be to record sound? and say have a story where each person hears the previous story and then adds to it?MarleenaThat sounds like a fun experiment to try im down for that Immiawesome! just not sure which artist it would relate to?i guess we could just say we used "so and so" as a starting point and then developed our own idea?MarleenaUr documentation one defsImmiok cooland then could focus on sound/ voice documentationMarleenaThe idea is to deform and experiment anywaysImminice!MarleenaHow bout for our first experiment, immi u can make a voice recording of the beginning of a story, u can send it to me and i will send my bit to ruve So its kinda like chinese whispers hahaImminice!! so just do it ourselves? or with other people?MarleenaAfter ruve we can keep sending it along and in the end we can compile itImmiyep sounds goodMarleenaImmiwill havd to do it later this arvo though once I've finished work hahaMarleenaAll good Immiawesome! nice work teamMarleenaWhat's the concept of this voice thingy? Soz I'll be at work for the next few hours so I won't respond ehahahMarleenaSo basically one person makes a voice recording of the beginning of a story and passes it along, and the next person continues the story with their own recording and passes that along  kinda like chinese whispersOkay, how do we get ransoms to do that though? Also I'm keen to try some experiments with people where I live tonight/tomorrowImmiI recon just ask people if they want to be apart of it hahaJust a trialMarleenaWe were just going to start with our group and maybe we can ask our friends to volunteer? HahaImmiAnd we can build on itYeah coolImmiMarleenaWhat kinda live experiments were u thinking of ruve??Another idea - photograph people's shoes, and get them to describe them self in one word. Show the pic to someone else and get them to describe whose shoes they see in one wordOr something like thatI don't knowMarleenaThats kinda interesting  its kinda like that saying "if u were in their shoes" APR 3RD, 7:31PMHahah APR 4TH, 10:43AMMarleenaHey guys this is just a compilation of the total ideas we made up so far! Feel free to add it to ur tumbr as documentation  I brainstormed some more ideas and such and added them to the list, too responsibility – marina abramovik, rhythm 0 Sit in a busy location with a sign explaining what to do – one of us filming place cameras on campus that people can draw on create an instagram page like ‘humans of UNSW’ where people take selfies and talk about themselves get randoms in the city to write one word and hold it in front of them and we can film them holding it up – the prompt can be: what life is, beauty is, what is real, etc recording people interacting affectionately with their friends/other people – smiles, hugging, high fiving ask a question and get people to write their answers and stick them on us ask them to write one sentence if that was all they had left to say documentation – ayreen anastas & rene gabri, crisis of capitalism have a wall where people collaborate by writing ideas or drawings on sticky notes or scrap paper and then organise them on a wall – time-based aspect would be a sped up video of people writing and adding to the wall – could be a question related to stuff going on in the world and how to fix it, maybe just sketching or writing ideas recording sound – have a story where each person hears a previous story and then adds to it (currently experimenting with this idea since it’s low effort and cost effective) wouldn’t it be sick if we could make a kinda song and beat out of every person’s clip of audio? Haha would definitely be interesting photograph people’s shoes and get them to describe themselves in one word – show the pic to someone else and get them to describe whose shoes they see in one word some of the ideas we have here would definitely relate to both responsibility and documentation artworks – I think both topics just both naturally overlap really well PS: in the above ideas I left out ideas which would be too expensive or unrealistic to carry outMarleenaoh god i just realised the formatting is really wack hahaanyways I JUST HAD AN EXPLOSION OF INSPIRATIONim excited to hear what u guys think of it!! i will type it up. i kinda tried to continue upon what u both already thought of (just uhh typing it up)ImmiAwesome Marleena!! Killing it with the ideas I recon they are all good starting points- we can discuss in class tomorrow and I think next step will be about pushing the ideas so they are more interesting and unexpected  and perhaps considering time based and getting creative with how we approach it, so we aren't just creating a 5min film or audioMarleenayeah i definitely agree with interesting and unexpected ImmiImmiWe'll have lots to discuss in class :))Marleenaso uhh here's that exposion of inspiration i was talking about. reading it again, some of the logistics dont make any sense like how the projection is going to work but i will share it here anyway in the spirit of experimentation MarleenaGet a large sheet of blue cellophane and draw a picture of a crying person. Draw exactly the same picture but instead on a sheet of paper of the same size. (In faint pencil instead) Have people draw/write on the sheet of paper what they would do to cheer the crying person up. Record the entire process of people drawing/writing on the paper. Turn the video into a time lapse. Hang the sheet of cellophane in front of a projector. Play the video on the projector, align the pictures of the crying person. Result: get a cool time lapse video of people drawing, be left with awesome looking artworkImmiMarleenaHahahaHey guys, you're both awesome! I have to go to work again now but I'll check this all out later and post something to Tumblr!ImmiNice yeah I've got classes pretty much till 5 now so will check back in laterMarleenaAg ttyl APR 4TH, 9:52PMAlright, so I'm going to update my tumblr with our ideas, I really like what we've got so far!And I'm going to pinterest ideas too. Then tomorrow in class maybe we can discuss with Anna our inability to choose an idea because we like them all hahahAPR 6TH, 1:51PMImmihttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1U8dukQ49_29jkB9ViKhWvooZRMLgVwbAOS3aFafhOuU/edit?usp=sharing hey guys I've made a group doc here which i recon will be easy to post info on and share ideas APR 6TH, 7:17PMMarleenathanks immi! checking it out now ImmiNot much info now haha just added a tiny bit before will some more tomorrow Add what you want and we can start formulating and idea to pursue Cool! Love what you've written so far - I've never used google docs though so I may take a little to get used to it APR 7TH, 12:28PMMarleenahi immi! would u be able to give me edit access for the doc? i sent a request, ty ImmiYeah I'll do it when I'm back at uni APR 8TH, 4:39PMImmihttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1U8dukQ49_29jkB9ViKhWvooZRMLgVwbAOS3aFafhOuU/edit?usp=sharing sox guys had it wrong setting should work now!APR 8TH, 6:40PMCool I'll try to figure it out ImmiAPR 9TH, 9:36PMYeah I'm liking these ideas guys  maybe we should do some experiments around these concepts?MarleenaIMMI i just read your comments and i think you're right about just picking something and pushing through with itdoing some experiments around this would be an excellent ideaim thinking of just trying out some basic things on my family haha like instructing them on things, and seeing their reaction when ive told them what theyve done is the artwork lolYeah I like the instructions and the audience creating the artwork through their perspectiveBut I love film too so I'm keen for eitherBut yeah if we pick one then we can each do experiments around that and see what worksMarleenamaybe in one of ur experiments u can try think of a way to incorporate more film elements??im not too sure how to do that cos i dont think im creatively inclined that way but it could be rly cool like... maybe you can play a film with realy different sound from whats actually being played, and have the audience watch it once blindfolded but then reveal the actual footage afterYEAAAAHThat's cool!MarleenahahaAPR 13TH, 6:27PMMarleenahi guys! im just checking in to see how you are all feeling about the assignment i did some stuff and put it in the google doc, and i kinda have a vision for what i think would be goodAPR 14TH, 11:24PMHeya girl, I literally haven't thought any about it this week as I've been so busy, it's due first or second week back? Also I'm keen to try whatever MarleenaHaha no worries due wk 8 first week backLel we should probs get on it then Let's decide on it and run with itMarleenaI was continuing our asmr video idea and writing a script for the instructions and voice - some is in the google doc If u wanna continue that idea, could u look into ways we could get a voice to say the instructions?  How to record it, and maybe possibility of having music to it too?I dont think this idea will be too hard to accomplish with the little time we have leftAlso help and ideas on the script would be amazing Sorry if it seems im just pushing watevs i wanna do lol its just an idea if u guys wanna get the thing over and done with lolNo totally cool, we've only got about 12 days so all good  I'm keen to look into music and voice recording, I could get my brother to say it? He has a nice audio voice. I can do some recording for experiments and send them through and post on Tumblr?I'll send you through an example here too0:09This was for another assessmentJust a thought hahaMarleenaThats a gr8 idea! Itd be awesome if ur brother could do it  thatd be way better than a text to speech robot lmaoId love to see some experiments and stuff 2 on the tunblrIll try get the script done asap too  hopefully by early next weekIm a total noob at voice recording and stuff like that so uhh might need to rely on u guys for that lolHaha cool, I'm down! I'm with my family this weekend so I'll record my brother doing some experiments and I'll post to tumblr Any ideas on what you want him to say?I'm going to check the google doc nowMarleenaYeah its all there  its kinda unpolished but just what u want with it Have fun with ur family!!!Yeah cool, I like what you've written so far, I think it could be really cool! I'll get my brother to read out the script so far, and I'll play around with some rad sound effects to go with it! Are we still getting the audience to close their eyes?Also I reckon we could even do just the one piece, but have parts slowed down, made faster, toned up or down, with different 'music' or sounds to it to create different emotions?Maybe instead of having three different ones, show how we can create the atmosphere just through exploration with tone, etc?MarleenaThe stuff I've written i intended to just be one piece,  its just i wrote different versions and wanted to include in thr doc as documentation  the second script is the latest draft. Sorry should have clarified. I rly like the idea of using music and tone to create emotion and atmosphere! Pushes the limits of what audio can be MarleenaI think getting the audience to close their eyes would be good for immersion Oooh i just reread the docYeah rad, all good! Alrighty, so do we want the instructions to go for like 2.5 mins or so with their eyes closed, and then they have 2.5 mins to create the artwork? or do we actually want them to just sit an listen the whole time?hahahaMarleenaYeah those three paragraphs at the end r supposed to be part of the same script Making them sit there for 2.5 mins thinking of the artwork sounds sadistic but totally marina-esque xDI say we do ithahaahah okay!MarleenaItd probs be 3 parts audio 2 parts thinking instead thoHahahaso say we provide them with the artistic tools needed, they sit there eyes closed, then produce the work in the dark still with music/sounds still playing?MarleenaThis is the kinda thing which makes normal think arti d ts are crazy lmaoahahhahahlove it but!so trueMarleenaI reckon including the actual creating if the artwork by the audience would be interesting!  We wouldnt even have to have them blindfolded for that bit. Would be rly interesting to see wat they imagined Hand out pieces of paper and set up pencils etcmaybe in keeping with marina's style, we could give them a bunch of mediums to choose from, i.e. giving the audience even more controlyeah definitely not blindfolded, but maybe keep the lights lowish?are we going to blindfold them?that could be funMarleenaI was thinking of blindfolds during the audio instructions but probably not for the creating part yeah agreedMarleenaYay! This is exciting This is gonna be fun hahaYeah I'm keen!what sort of mood are we thinking? because the sound effects will create the mood and toneor are we trying to evoke more than one emotion?MarleenaIm thinking a calming and compelling moodIf we're going to evoke an emotion itd be inspiration?Or enlightenmentalrightyso maybe some intense parts to make them really think, but sort of calming as well?MarleenaYeah! radI'll get to work MarleenaA+Since we're including a creating part, maybe the length of the script we have is enough?Do u reckon u'd be able test that in ur experiment?I just realized the time lmao. Goodnight all! Im off to bedYeah no props haha night!APR 15TH, 9:46AMImmiNice guys!! I will have a read of the script and stuff today Awesome  I was checking out some awesome social vids on YouTube last night and they were really inspiring! I'll some the links through and you guys can check em, maybe we can use some of the ideas for experiments or whatever. Also for the actual product, maybe we can include some more personally encouraging words, like starting with, 'you... are amazing... beautiful ..." etc and continue with the script?Just an idea ImmiCool I'll have a read of the script and let you guys know what I think :)) so far seems v v good hahaRadddd  I'll have to post the links later on as I'm out and don't have them hahahttp://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=Hzgzim5m7oU&vq=mediumThe Power of WordsHarness the power of words to grow your business today: http://tinyurl.com/phokf69 For personal transformation order Andrea Gardner's book 'Change Your Words...youtube.comCheck this out!ImmiI think itd be more interesting to have the audience create the artwork at the same time as the recording so maybe we could do a trial using this script.. I can do it with my brother and have hie draw at the same time and if one of you wants to do the script and have someone draw after? And then we can discuss the implications and results of each?Marleenaok sure i will test out having someone draw the thingo afterwards ImmiAwesome :))APR 15TH, 6:29PMyeah great idea, that can be one of our experiments  I'm getting my brother to record it tonight so once it'd done I'll send it through and start playing with sound effects )ImmiQuestion, do either of you play an instrument?also I've added the youtube vids to google doc if you wanna check them out Marleenaunfortunately i dont haha all good, was just wondering for the soundtrack alright, here is my first edit!Play-5:01Unmutelet me know what you do/don't likeI added a few words to your script Marleenahope that's okay!APR 16TH, 10:13AMImmiokki so just did this with my brother and feedback is: that if we are drawing at the same time as the audio then it should be a littler more instructional.. not telling you what to do explicitly but perhaps having some words like "draw" or "translate this thought to the page" so that the audience knows to communicate the image they have in their head on the page. However, also good to draw after so having say 1-2 minutes of straight talking about imagining different things and then 1-2 mins after to drawMarleenai listened to the audio and i think the words u added helped out the script a lot ruve  enhanced it moreso i just tested out the audio and i definitely agree, the way it is designed now is best suited to having the drawing/creating component after the audioi think if we want to create a more "immersive" and ASMR-like experience, keep the drawing and audio separateMarleenai really enjoyed the music of the audio, i think it fits the tone of the piece well  my only thoughts are to add longer pauses between certain lines (like the one which says "i'll give u a minute" - this will help with immersion and give the audience space to think) and also refining the script more (tho i think it's pretty alright now)Marleenaother than that, only the final details are left. for the drawing/creating component, we can hand out A4 pieces of paper and any other materials to let people use (im sure the class will have stuff they can use to draw lmao) and for the audio part, i was thinking of just tearing up old rags and such for blindfolds  we could probably also get bedsheets to block out the window light as well, if u guys wanted ImmiI agree with the audience closing their eyes but it might be enough for them to just close their eyes? As then they have to conscious of not seeing and focusing on imaging? Also it could be good to leave the drawing up to the audience where they either draw during or after?Like if they have an idea they can jot it down but then have time after to drawAPR 16TH, 12:36PMMarleenai agree blindfolds might not be necessary, i just thought it might be good for immersion if its completely dark for them (and if their eyes open up a little bit, they still cant see) - i think for the sake of being immersed in the audio, it would better to have drawing afterwards so they can concentrate on thinking of what they will drawMarleenaim a bit worried if we leave it up to the audience they will chit chat during the audio lolAPR 16TH, 6:26PMImmiTrue pointAPR 16TH, 10:55PMRad! Glad you guys like it  yeah I definitely think I need to make some pauses longer, my brother said it pretty quickly. So you think the songs good to keep then? Yeah I reckon just to really immerse the audience we should blindfold them, and get them to draw once the voice says "open". The music will still be playing and I reckon keep it dark to keep the mood. Do you want to add anything else to the script? Also I reckon we should provide the art materials so we can point to that being the "responsibility" of us as the artist's APR 17TH, 9:45AMImmiYeah and I think discuss, in linking to marinas work, responsibility in terms of the 'creator' and whether the artist has to be the creator or whether the audience can be the creator etcYeah APR 17TH, 11:24AMMarleenaok, i will look over the script thing again soon - u guys can go over it again and add what u want as well umm im not really too sure what to add and i guess adding too much might be bad for time limit reasonsglad things are coming along!!  feeling less stressed already lolOkay no props, I'll work on it later today  all good! don't stressAPR 18TH, 9:52AMMarleenai just checked over the script again  added a few things here and there! looking good guysTUE 8:34PMOkay cool, let's have it finalised by tomorrow night then? And I'll get my brother to say it again Marleenasure thing! im fine with it if everyones ok with this deadline ImmiYep cool! I'll have a look in the morn sorry I've been trying to get a science report done ahh haha tomorrow night is good though WED 9:16AMImmiokki cool i re-listened to the audio and left a couple of comments on the google doc in regards to specific parts. If you guys want to have a look and then we can workshop the ideas into the final piece? :)) keen to do it in class and see what results we get hahaMarleenahullo ur up early!! hahai just checked ur comments and took ur advice into account and removed+added things i think its pretty much done!! i think its pretty interesting how u felt super relaxed and didnt feel like making art afterwards listening to it  am also keen to see what everyone else things - for me, its more like it inspires me rather than gives me great ideas etcWED 1:38PMImmiNice ! Yeah I think everyone will respond to it differently which is cool THU 1:11AMRad! I'll send the script again to my bro and then put together the piece, did you want me to keep the same musical soundtrack? Anything else you want me to add to it? We could even get the audience to just simply write one word about it or whatever as well THU 8:25AMMarleenaI think the same music is gr8, the only thing i rly wanna add is dramatic pauses xDFRI 12:04AMYeah great, I'll do it!FRI 9:37AMMarleenaso about the drawing bit, did any of youse have a4 paper and other drawing supplies at home that you could bring in for next wednesday?ImmiI've got A4 cartridge paperI've got pencils and heaps of mediums they can useAlso, what are we as the artist's going to do during this process?Are we going to do it too, or sit there as an object, watch and take notes, what?FRI 12:53PMImmimaybe we could also do it?then there isn't an 'us' and 'them' its just everyone responding to the audio?Marleenai think we might need to explain things a bit (like telling everyone to remain seated in the beginning and relax, and afterwards explaining we're going to give them to tools to draw what they want afterwards) because the audio isn't extremely explicit about thisso we might not be able to participate because we need to keep things running hahaImmitrueMarleenajust trying to think of the logistics because our class is pretty chatty/distracted sometimesImmior we could explain at the start everything and then the audio goes and once its finished we just have time to draw?haha true marleenaMarleenahahahayeah thats a good ideagive a little explanation at the beginning, prepare the art stuff, and then we can all participate togetherImminice :)) and then if we have to just stop and explain thats fine toowe won't really know how its going to pan out until we've done it any way! so will just have to see eee!Marleenayeah  no worries at allid appreciate if u guys could bring in the art stuff you have, i will too, i dont thing we'll need much paper just one sheet for everyone (like 20-30pcs), will only need pencils and other basic stuff as well, not to mention everyone in class probs has their own stuff tooImmiyeah for sure! i don't have a whole heap of stuff just cos I'm at not living at home but I've got some acrylic paint that i could bring ? and ill bring what ever i can find :))FRI 6:12PMMarleenanice! thanks FRI 9:04PMYeah man I have heaps I'll bring it all! What if I get my brother to say all of that, so we don't have to even talk at all? That could be kind of cool - like we remove ourselves so that we become part of the artwork, instead of having to explain ourselves? And then we can participate too?MarleenaYou know, that could work! We'd have to figure out the timing etc but itd be awesome!! Okay, I'll tweak the script a bit and get it done!FRI 10:51PMMarleenathanks  i will also tweak a little to help, if its not too lateYeah go ahead! I'll get him to do it tomorrowSAT 1:22AMImmiNice!!I'm happy to record stuff too if you need  but otherwise it's looking v goodSAT 2:52AMSure, if you like  just for continuity though do you think we should have just one voice? We could both record people tomorrow and compare the sound before I edit it if you like? SAT 8:14AMImmiHmm true, maybe it would work better with just one person? I guess depends if we want the instructions and audio to be connected or separate, what do you guys think?Marleenai think connected would be less jarring ImmiYeah true, ok in that case ruve are you ok in recording both parts?Marleenait should be ok, i just checked the script again and added in more instruction-type phrases and there's not much extra ImmiOk cool :))Marleenaso i read the script a dozen times lol, i was thinking instead of adding in the script "please use the materials at hand to create your artwork", we could have a slide on the projector instead say it? so that it kinda doesnt break the narrator's character as "our conscience"so that when everyone opens their eyes, they see the instructions on the projector to begin creating their artwork etcImmiYeah that could be good! We would just have to make sure that everyone stays on task I guess cos it could be easy for people to just stop thinking once the audio is over?Or we just have in the introduction that after the audio we will be drawingAnd then have the slide up? So that the audience is already thinking about creating a work from the audio and then once the audio is over they can go straight into it?Marleenai tried adding that bit to the audio but i think it breaks the atmosphere and also "ruins the surprise"cos i was thinking of our intentions and it might be better to have an authentic "first impression" by the audience?ImmiYeah trueMarleenaits kinda like, the intrigue plus if they knew theyd have to draw stuff, it might spoil the effect of the audioImmiYeah nice and then I guess linking to responsibility too and that they don't know before hand they are drawingMarleenayeah!ImmiYep I agree, will take away from the meditative aspectOk cool maybe we have the slideMarleenaalso about staying on task, the music will still be going during the drawing, and they're not drawing for too long, so it shouldnt get too crazyuhh hopefully LOLImmiHahaMarleenacos audio is what, 2 or 3 minsImmiYeah about thatI think 2 mins plus Intro?Marleenayeah i reckon it will be ok ImmiMaybe we can record the audio at the end of ruves brother saying the bit about drawing and then we can cut it out later if it interferes too muchBut at least we then have the option Marleenagood idea, doesnt hurt to try it outnice!! glad everything's coming along!! SAT 10:49AMYep cool, I'll get him to say it all then I'll do two recordings (we can use one for an experiment for Tumblr). If we have a slide, do you think the light of it will be too distracting? Or maybe we could have a really dark slide, almost like an artwork in itself, and have the words almost hidden there so they have to concentrate on reading it? Also, if we place paper in front of them they'll know they have to draw, so for an element of surprise we could perhaps place maybe a box with things in it secretly when they are listening (but then we can't listen) or we could just put the materials out front and let them choose? But that could take too longThoughts?MarleenaWhile their eyes r closed and theyre listening to the recording, we can just put on the slide and set up the art things  we can make the slide have a black background with white textI think the light will be ok like that - also btw i dont think i will end up making blindfolds because it doesn't seem too necessaryI think it will be fine just asking them to close their eyes - simplicity is bestIts a shame if we do it this way we wont be able to participate, but it sounds like it will run most smoothly if we handle the behind the scenesIm not too sure wat u mean about placing a box with things in it, putting all the stuff out front sounds good and simple and i dont actually think it will take too longIm worried having the text be too unreadable will take focus away from the limited time they have to draw Yeah no not so unreadable they can't read it, just dark enough so the light isn't too much, but yeah a black background  what I mean by a box is just having all the same materials placed inside maybe a box, one for each table, so they don't have to get up which should take less time?I know, what if we do the audio after we finish making it before class, and include it in our final product and compare ours as the artist's with the audience?That way we still get to do it and it could be more of a comparison?MarleenaThat would be pretty interesting  do u mean doing it alone or meeting up?I think its a little l8 to meet up but i can try it out defsImmiYeah we could do it separately or before class if there's time?No we wouldn't have to meet up, I mean each of us do it respectively at home ImmiOk yeahMarleenaYeah defs!ImmiAnd we could also compare doing it by yourself vs with other peopleJust so it adds another element to it?Yeah!ExperimentsLolMarleenaI think the box idea for each table is gr8, you dont even have to get a box u can just evenly spread it out  on each tableSo we could bring ours in and maybe even display them nicely whilst everyone has eyes closed? But maybe have them flipped so they can't see them until we reveal them at the end after they've drawn something?Yep okay cool MarleenaHahaha i like thatAlso, we don't want them to talk or look at each other's work right?What can we do to stop them doing this?MarleenaSlap their wrists with a rulerAlso don't forget the lights can't turn off, so are we blocking out the windows?Hahahah Hahahah#marinaMarleenaHahaAlso is there anything else that needs to be added to the script before I record?MarleenaWe could block them out, only thing wed need is sheets  white is ok but still lets light in, black would be betterIts not entirely necessary but might be coolAlso ye done with the script, the blue writing is the instruction bits I think having the calming music playing moderately loud will make them not talk as much - should keep them in the moment for 2-3 minsSo maybe in the audio u could raise the volume of the music just a little during the creating phase? We could include on the slide that they shouldnt talk etc but i think that's the extent of our power Yeah great idea I can do that Okay I'm not sure I have any black sheets but let's see what we can findAnd good idea having the instructions in blue!I'm keenMarleenaBlue font! Good idea No stress, the sheets arent entirely necessaryRadMarleenaOH i thought u meant have the instructions in blue font xDLike on the slideHahah that's okay, what colour do you want them?MarleenaAhh it doesnt really matter as long as the background is black - i was thinking dark grey,  white or calm blueYep coolSAT 9:42PMOkay so they are going to have about 40 seconds to get down their ideas lolBut that could be coolSAT 10:46PMOkay! I've done the edit, I'll send it through once it's uploaded and you can see what you think Also we should definitely give it a title Should we make note of the fact they don't have long and say that it was for a specific purpose?MarleenaSounds good! Good for reflectionAlso once I send it through, do you reckon we should get 3 people each to do it, and then we can compile these pieces together, maybe make a collage to post on Tumblr, and can display them on Wednesday as well?Just to add even more depth?https://www.youtube.com/uploadYouTubeShare your videos with friends, family, and the world.accounts.google.comhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNIUppJHQTYRUMINATION (audio artwork)This audio piece was a collaboration with two other art students. We have created an audio set of 'guidelines' in the contemplative stage, or the conceptual ...youtube.comsoz ignore the first one!I've called it Rumination for my youtube account, but if you don't like that we can change it! let me know what you guys think of it and if you want something changedAlso we can't forget to write our 300 words SUN 1:52AMImmi awesome! And thankyouu Haha would have likely forgotten about thatSUN 9:23AMMarleenaomg not gonna lie i completely forgot that as wellalso i think testing the audio out on ppl and displaying them is a nifty idea  not entirely necessary tho so dont have to stress about itMarleenaso just listened to the audio... having a mixture of putting the instructions on the screen and having ur brother read them out worked surprisingly well!  that was a good touch. i think we can actually afford to cut out some of the audio to make more time for the creating process at the endMarleenahmm ohh actually, i think a minute is alright, i just went over the audio againi went to the google doc and i underlined the chunk we could cut out if we wanted to extend the creating time, lemme know what u guys think  im pretty happy with what we have so far btw, i think we did a gr8 jobSUN 9:58PMCool! I think I actually don't mind the monologue taking up most of the time, because for me personally, I see the work as something that stimulates the conceptual stage rather than focus on the production of a piece, so I reckon a minute is okay. But I can edit it again if you both like  if we had a little extra time at the end we could possibly gather the pieces and display them out the front, but that may take too long anyway. Also, shall we all just write 100 words each about the project? Say we allocate a dot point each? Or would you prefer to do it a different way?Marleena100 words each sounds good Immiyeah i agree i think the drawing doesn't need to be too long as it is mostly about creating an image mentallyMarleenaYeah, im ok with not cutting much out tooImmiand yep 100 words sounds goodAlrighty, leave it as is then? Okay great, let's look at the rubric then decide what we shall each write?Also, do you mind if I post the vid to Facebook? I wanted people to do it and send me pics of their work, just to see what they created MarleenaLol no worries at all go ahead!Rad!I'm just looking up the assessment now Immiyes for sure!MarleenaYeah same Ahh sweetImmiim going to bed now cos I've got my stats exam tomorrow :// so will be able to do my 100 words tomorrow afternoon/ evening after the exmaMarleenaNo worries,  good luck with ur exam Immiahhh thanks! hahaAll good! Good luck!!I think I need to make the music a bit louder during the drawing process?Just listened to itMON 8:35AMMarleenathat sounds like a good idea considering we're going to be playing it in a large room, which might make the music sound even softerso i checked what the 300 word statement has to be about, and it basically needs to include: the original artwork chosen, the relevant weekly topic, and the process of productionso yeah! we can just pick a subject each, and write 100 words on that  if u guys dont mind, i will get started on "the original artwork"Yep cool! Immi want me to do the process of production so I can talk about the editing process?ImmiAwesome so I'll do weekly topic and how it links to responsibility?Marleenayup. woohoo! ImmiMarleenaso i just put mine in the end of our google doc for convenience MON 12:14PMImmiMON 7:25PMAwesome! Let's all put them there and then collate it so we can put it on our tumblrs MON 10:24PMHey girls! I've done my piece too, so I'm just editing them all together now, I hope that's okay  how'd you go today Immi?ImmiGood exams all done and I've put up my 100 words to the docWill do the audio tomorrow and drawing etc tooI'm happy to edit them if you want ruve! You've done heaps of work already :))Awesome! Yeah I know, I'm stitching the three together It's okay I'm almost done! I'll post it and then you can change it if you like ImmiOkki cool :)) awesomeOh yes I'll do the audio tonight too! Though it's hard with us because we already know what to expectOk it's up so you can check and change if you like Chat Conversation EndSeen by everyone Type a message, @name...

[radioastronot]

Killing Joke From Clowns

CLOWNS SIDOARJO SHOW 7th FEBRUARY 2012

oleh: Akhmad Alfan Rahadi

at DOLOMITY CAFE SIDOARJO FEBRUARY THE 7th 2011

Beberapa minggu yang lalu tepatnya Desember (sudah tahun lalu ya? hehehe) saya mendapati invitation dari teman saya di Sidoarjo untuk menonton sebuah band dari Australia bernama Clowns berikut link videonya. Beberapa saat sebelumnya saya memang juga berencana ingin menonton band dari Australia juga bernama Night Hag namun karena saya berhalangan saya pun melewatkannya dengan sesal dan berharap ada band sebagus mereka datang lagi ke sekitaran Jawa Timur (supaya ringan di ongkos transport).

Kemudian saya coba telusuri dan tonton video mereka yang berjudul “Repeat After Me”.Tak ada bayangan dan ekspektasi lebih sesaat sebelum membukanya. Namun yang saya temukan ternyata mencengangkan, Clownsmerupakan band yang bengal!. Keras dan Fun! It's not being poppy but it's anthemic!. Cocok bagi penggemar GG Allin, The Bronx dan Black Flag (mereka sempat mengcover lagu "Wasted" dari Black Flag malam itu dan di live cassete album spesial edisi tur SEA ini).

Akhirnya berangkat lah saya menembus hujan lebat dan bensin yang menipis di Selasa 7 februari itu. Sempat tersesat karena pertama kalinya saya ke Sidoarjo sendirian dengan motor. Mereka ke Sidoarjo dalam rangka menjalani rangkaian tur Asia tenggara meliputi Singapura, Malaysia dan Indonesia selama Februari ini. Saya berhasil mendapat ijin dan kesempatan wawancara ini di akhir performance mereka setelah sempat mengajak kenalan Tristan dan James di saat sebelum show dan dikenalkan lagi oleh Anca The Shantoso kepada Jake dan Steve. Namun di kesempatan itu yang mampu saya temui hanya James dan Tristan yaitu bassis dan gitaris Clowns karena yang lain kelelahan dan perlu istirahat.

guide: A: Alfan, J: James , T: Tristan

A: how did you guys meet each other?

T: we met at school, we met our guitarists, drummer and singer at school, at university, and we met our bassists through a circle of friends, sort of friends of friends.

A: Like you guys met at the same scene at the local gigs?

J & T: yeah yeah, pretty much

A: So until now, how many recordings that you have released?

J: Umm, We did an EP in 2010, Clowns EP 2010, then on 2011 we did a split 7" with Them Orphans from Perth, and now we're gonna do another 7" when we get back to Australia and also we've done a live album, recorded on rehearsal for this South East Asia tour.

A: How did you guys came up with the idea of touring South East Asia?

J: Well we came up with the idea when our friend from our fellow Australian band like Straight Jacket Nation, cameback from south east asia tour, then we met Cher from Singapore online and then she lead us to these people we met so far, these people we can contact and organize us a tour.

A: Your most favorite Australian band

J: Hard Ons T: probably Carnival

A: And when you got here, have you also had particular band that you like?

J: In South East Asia? Yeah, yeah lots of good band, The Shantoso we love it soo much, and then Sleeping Police, and in Malaysia we saw Boulevard, and then some bands we watched in Singapore.

A: When you got this tour idea, have you ever imagined where you're gonna be landed and headed?

J: No, We knew Indonesia, We knew Malaysia, and We knew Singapore as well. Then we met Cher, and She told us where to go, where to play, the guys we should meet and hangout with, who to talk to. and she mentioned about Borneo or something of it, and we're gonna play there by the end of this tour.

A: Hmm in terms of CLOWNS, I saw that your vocalist Stevie, wore a t-shirt with a picture of Jack Nicholson's Joker on it. So who do you think is the best JOKER? Jack Nicholson or Heath Ledger?

J: Jack Nicholson probably, he's pretty bad ass, but yeah Heath Ledger who played the recent Joker is an australian guy, alright he's dead now hahaha T: Favorite Joker for me is probably some comic book dude, not a real actor..

A: How about from the animated series?

No no, also not animated, comic book, comic book

A: Favorite food in here?

J: So far? squid

T: Cumi, cumi goreng dan nasi goreng

J: Yeah, nasi goreng

A: Aaah yes hahah it's obvious , nasi goreng it's all time favorite

J: Yeaa... hahaha is good

T: Cumi goreng is suprisingly good, it's really tasty

J: Sounds a bit weird but it's really nice yeah hahaha

J: But we didn't like even the durian, heheehe...

T: Not. Not too happy with the durian

A: So How do you come up with the theme on the 7"?

T: Depends on the single, so The 7" is the new single, the "Arst One is Repeat After Me", then "Eat A Gun", so the artwork depends on the single name and kind of that's how we themed it.

J: Well I did the artwork myself. It's like trying to get as much as crazy stuff into the picture, before it gets out of control

A: So did you do it when you were sober or drunk?

J: Well a bit both, hahaha.... Well i'm not really mess around with photoshop, or expensive gadget. I did it like with just a pencil, and sharpen the texture and an eraser

T: Keeping it old school

A: Beside doing band stuffs, what do you guys do?

J: Yea we're all going to school, university , we all study, we also have a job as well, like me driving a box car sending things around, Tristan work at a doughnut shop, Steve And Jake works in a call center and, apart from that...

T: Whatever makes ends, make money, pay bills

J: Well outside study, we go to shows in melbourne, play Arecracker, hanging out..

A: So how do you guys, adjust with that? between music and daily routine?

J: We play gigs, None of us work in the weekends, so we have works and school

T: Yea and on Saturday we got to see a big gig night in melbourne always

A: whooa does the gig done routinely?

T: Sometimes thursday, wednesday, but yea mostly saturday

J: We play with someone on thursday spare gigs, commonly friday and saturday night. We have school, we school and work at the daytime during the week, afterwork or school we practice and play gigs on the weekends

A: You see, when I'm doing these scene things, me and my friends make gigs on university. Do you guys also organize a show on university or are there authorities which make it harder?

J: Yea a little bit

T: I used to go to Melbourne University, every thursday they had decent band playing. J: Popular band

T: Yea it was like popular bands not playing like King GIzzard and The Lizard Wizard, Barbarian, etc, like big in Melbourne-band.

A: I thought you can play your friends in university gigs..

J: Mostly the gig in the Melbourne not done in university, they're on pub, club and house house shows. not very often..

A: So do you guys have any plans on the near future?

J: Aa.. just keep doing what we're doing, play as many shows as we can , record very soon

T: Singles, 7 inches

J: Singles on 7 inches, doing album when we have enough money. After we do the 7 inch we'll do an album, doing more tour, meet more friends.

A: I was wondering, when we in Indonesia usually rehearse by renting a rehearsal studio, do you guys do the same there in Australia?

T: Yea, you know we rent a rehearsal space, its a big room, soundproof, bring a lot of stuff drumkits all that, and we play usually from 6 o clock til midnight.

J: We don't play that long but yea thats how long we got the session

A: Whooa that soo long for us 6 o'clock til midnight...

T: It is a long time, yea we usually we got there at 7 or 8 and finish at 10

A: Is it like an empty space?

J: It's a big building full of lotsa room, it's like a big factory and got lots of big room

A: And you guys bring your own equipment

T: We can hire stuff between each

J: Plus there's lots of band in there play at one time in different rooms

T: All sound proof, and

J: It works well

T: Thats how usually in Melbourne, but there are few places like that with a bunch a rooms and we hire a single room for a couple of hours , and bring in all of your stuff, play for as long as you want and no one will give a shit

A: Hahaha i envy you. other than doing shows do you guys also organize shows?

J: We also organize shows, with our friends and our friends band and if a band wants to come to Melbourne we can help em organize a show for them

A: Is it collective or you guys also search for a sponsor?

J: Yea, collectively, get a good show and having fun

A: And for the equipment you bring yourself?

J: If it is in Australia we bring our own amps, and guitar and simple drumkits

A: Whoa.. thats a bit different in here..we rent from studio and bring it to venue

J: Yeah, everyone seems have their own stuff

A: Thats real pro and DIY

J: Yeaa

T: Hahaha yeaa

A: So any plans for next year's tour?

J: There are few places in our mind, we just think like kinda go like, if anyone or we meet anyone who tell us to go to particular area or wanna make a tour with us, we should go there

T: I do want to get to UK, Europe, that'd be freakin awesome , but it would be expensive though

J: We definitely go somewhere but we just don't know where yet

T: Maybe Asia again, might be good

A: Through years of your career, have you guys faced criticsm and how do you deal with it? It forms of internet review and stuffs?

T: A little bit, every, you know cause there's always someone out there gonna say "ohh this is bad this is good" but doesn't really bother us too much

J: Here's the thing, you got one little thing, one little thing on the internet, but when you play show and theres a hundred people who's gonna its awesome

A: So you just play.. play.. play...

J: Yea yea like that

T: Yea right and like there's always gonna be people out there who hate whatever you do, and the same time there's people who love what you do. So just do what you do, and hope the people would love it, listen to it and get into it

J: I like what I do, so it doesn't matter

A: last message for people here?

J: You have an awesome scene, and your bands are really good, and you people are really friendly. and we hope, we hope you dont change...

T: Yeah dont change at all, keep it real, keep it rockin, keep rocking

A: And thats a wrapp!! thanks!

J: Thank you very much

T: terima kasih banyaaak

...

James dan Tristan kemudian berpamitan untuk istirahat karena besok melanjutkan perjalanan tur ke Kudus. Saya menyempatkan ngobrol sebentar dengan Anca tentang scene underground di Surabaya dan Sidoarjo. Setelah itu saya pulang karena besok ada ujian yang ternyata tidak jadi. A killing joke it is.....

Namun hari rabu itu tak mengecewakan juga karena saya dapat album live Clowns dengan cuma cuma pemberian teman saya Kuro yang bingung bakal diputar dimana kaset itu.