#hm maybe the life change is i start therapy lol

[as-dreamers-do]

let's see i graduated high school in 2015, college in 2018, master's degree + moved out in 2022...it's been a hot minute since a major life change, maybe that's why i'm feeling antsy and wanting to shake things up every time the clock ticks past 9 pm

[satureja13]

Jack's Therapy Game (From the beginning -> here)

While Ji Ho was logged in in his Therapy game, Jack was preparing dinner and has an eye on Ji Ho through the new opening. And Sai is sitting at the counter, programming the interface for the Therapy Game so they can throw out an early beta version to help other creatures, as planned. He could do this in the therapy room, but it's more important to watch Jack rather than Ji Ho. (lol) Jack: "He's back! Can Ji Ho continue cooking so I can have a quick session? I've already come so far! Two of my spots are already gone and maybe today the third and I'd be pain free after all these months! Please, Sai. Hm, hm, HM?" Saiwa sighed: "Sure."

Jack is so excited to go back ingame and back to Lou ^^' Jack: "Lou and I will have a great day again. Maybe plan another fight at the Arena and then I will meet the Queen again and I will ask her out! Oh, I love this therapy!" Sai is a bit stressed about the release of their game but he's so happy for Jack. He had this painful rash for over 6 months now, after he left his fated mate and Alpha, Kiyoshi. Ji Ho and Jack changed gear and Jack was ready to go.

uhm

He's dead. Lying there in a pool of his own blood. It's still bright red.

'His eyes, they closed and his last breath spoke He had seen all to be seen A life once full, now an empty vase Wilt the blossoms on his early grave

Walk away me boy, walk away me boy And by morning we'll be free Wipe that golden tear from your mother, dear And raise what's left of the flag for me'

What's left of the Flag - Flogging Molly (One of the best songs ever! As if it was written for this scene.)

Oh no.

Meanwhile Ji Ho had put dinner in the oven and started to work on his Siren's Songs. He's still worried that his evil grandfather has his flippers in this and somehow managed that Ji Ho put a spell on Vlad when they first met so he can get a grip on his powers, like Morgan had claimed. They should somehow solve this and make sure they are safe before Ji Ho can start to have a real relationship with Vlad. And he's still afraid that the Council/his grandfather could try to influence his friends through his Siren's Songs. He should use them only sparsely and they should be very careful on the rare ocassions he sings them to calm his friends when they meet on the festivals in the wheel of the year so they can spend a carefree time together. If only for a few hours. But they also should be safe from the Council as long as they are here in the Otherworld.

And while he was lost in his thoughts, Jack showed up again. Ji Ho: "Why are you back this early, you just left?" Time passes faster ingame. Here, in the real world, only a few minutes, so Jack must have stood stunned for quite a while next to his dead body before the game logged him out. Poor Jack. Jack: "Uhm - I'm dead." Ji Ho: "No." Oh no. It just went so well for all of them! Jack getting rid of his pain, Ji Ho finding his King (and his buried down feelings) and Saiwa living happily on his Flamingo Island.

Sai heard them and came over and they had to tell him. Saiwa: "No." Well, getting killed in a therapy game is a big no-no. All the work and months of playtesting for nothing. What was Tiny Can thinking?

They sat in their 'office' where already the first meeting for the Therapy Game had taken place. Saiwa: "This is game over for the Therapy Game. I told you, one little weirdness and it's over." Jack is more shocked than anyone else about his ingame death, but he can't let go. Not being able to see Lou again, and the Queen, and finally getting rid of his pain... Jack: "But Sai, we've come so far. Don't you want to go back to your Island and heal? And what about poor Ji Ho? He could finally get his buried down feelings back and get rid of his trauma. And Vlad and him could finally be together - for real."

But Saiwa didn't budge. And Jack won't let go either. Saiwa: "There is a murder on the loose in the game. We don't know what happened to you and who it was. We can't go back. No way." Jack: "But what if this is part of my therapy? What if Tiny Can wants me to learn something from it and prosper? Maybe the death of the old me is just the beginning of a new, better Jack?" No one craves a new, better Jack more than Saiwa but: "Jack, what if Ji Ho gets killed? That would only deepen his trauma. You did not experience your death, didn't feel the pain and fear and cruelty that came with it. Maybe Ji Ho or me would."

Ji Ho: "But we can exit the game anytime if something happens. Maybe Jack is right. And we could try to solve the murder of Jack. This must have a meaning. Otherwise Tiny Can wouldn't have implemented it. Time only passes by ingame when one of us is logged in, we could plan our log ins to not loose precious time, find clues and look for witnesses and solve the murder of Jack." Jack: "Oh! That would be awesome! A Criminal Therapy Game!" Ji Ho is already two steps ahead, on the case ^^' : "In which area did you die?" Jack: "Uh, I was a bit out. But it looked like the clearing where Lou and I sparred, in the woods near Goldshire. And now that I recall it - it looked like my heart had been ripped out." Saiwa: "WHAT?" His heart? Ji Ho already has a hunch. He told the others about the incident in Saarburg and that he wants to research what has happened when Greg made the wish at the crossroads. That 'their hearts would change'... Maybe someone took it too literally? But who? Jack: "Detective Duath, we have a case!" Saiwa threw up his hands in surrender: "Fine!" Ji Ho: "But none of us is near Goldshire to look after Jack's dead body. You are still on the Island and I want to stay in Saarburg to investigate and I don't know if I'm free to leave whereever I want when we're back at the castle since I'm supposed to look for my King." It was quiet for a while. Until Jack remembered: "Lou mentioned his friend, the owner of Valerian. He's living in the village nearby. That must be NPC Jeb. Maybe we could send Jeb ingame to investigate the crime scene and look for evidence?" Saiwa took a deep breath in. Jeb. They haven't spoken since Saiwa, Ji Ho and Jack left for the beach house after Saiwa broke down. But this was months ago. And they'll have to go home eventually and solve this case too and have a talk with the others so they can live together again. Maybe this was Tiny Can's plan? Bringing them back together before they drift further apart and the happenings of the message from future Jeb take place? Now that he thinks about it again: They also found Tiny Can at that temple in Selvadorada where future Jeb had left them the message... Saiwa sighed: "Ok. Let's go home. Are you ready for this, Jack?" Jack: "I'm ready when you're ready, my friend."

The Therapy Game Master Post with the sessions and places so far is -> here

From the Beginning  ~  Underwater Love ~  Latest Current Chapter: 🕹️ 'The One' from the beginning ▶️ here 📚 Previous Chapters: Chapters: 1-6 ~ 7-12 ~ 13-16 ~ 17-22 ~ 23-28

[adracat]

G-Witch Episode 13 - Second Cour Start

It's been awhile! I'm positively jittery to break down this episode. Let's start with that banger OP change shall we?

I love the imagery in this shot in particular. It's interesting that we see Suletta start in shadow, slowly moving to the light throughout. The symbolism is obviously framing Miorine as the light she seeks (edeleth flashbacks anyone?) Oh and the boys have a brief cameo. Yeesh Guel looks like a defeated wreck. 5lan has weird prominence so I wonder if he'll be something after all. Maybe a heel turn? Antagonist at least judging from the glimpse of Pharact. Shaddiq certainly will be.

Aerial Rebuild my beloved. I love her so much and she looks so stylish in action. But woof, I feel bad for Earth House. They're deeply affected by the terrorist attack, and cringe at the violence involved with duels. Great detail!

Meanwhile, Suletta's persistent cheeriness is a stark contrast. They're puzzled she can remain so blithe about it. Shame they don't know our poor little tomato head has been brainwashed by mother dearest. More on that later.

Miorine on the other hand is going through the wringer. We only see her briefly but it says so much about her mindset. She's dressed in a black business suit, as if already mourning her father and preparing to take his place at Benerit. It's not surprising she's neglecting herself while she watches her father, but you hate to see it.

Prospera: You did the right thing brutally liquidizing that guy, Suletta. Very smart. Another way? Don't be silly. Murder is always ethical.

Lol. Lmao. Ugly crying. You're going to need so much therapy.

I saw this in the promos but it's still crazy they just stroll into the episode like this. This episode humanizes them, which is nice. You glean nuggets of character from Sophie especially. She's an endearing terrorist if nothing else. The detail of naming her stuffed animals her family, the sister moniker for Suletta-- it paints a lonely portrait of a girl desperate for familial connection.

Norea is interesting too, stoic but blatantly disdainful of the luxuries Spacians take for granted. Clean air/water, plentiful vegetation, and even general happiness. All things Earthians lack.

And here comes the Benerit brigade to make their lives worse. I sense super fun times ahead ;-; I do wonder what the endgame for Dawn of Fold is though. They must know attacking Delling would result in violent retaliation. Hm, something to think about.

Good for Nika standing up for herself and Earth House! Sophie and Norea's simple school life might be over soon as it began. Rather audacious they thought murdering a girl on campus wouldn't be noticed lol. Suletta was so dashing protecting her friend 🥺 She may be highly impressionable but she's a good egg. Next episode, it'll be a duel for Nika's life! I can't wait~

And omg Miorine figured it out. This makes the quick fic I wrote canon compliant! Very pleased we solved that misunderstanding quickly.

This is worrisome though. What really is Quiet Zero and why is Delling convinced it'll bring peace? And what will come of Prospera using Mio to further it? Nothing good, I wager.

But enough of all that dire stuff. Let's discuss the phenomenal ED

The first thing that came to mind when seeing this is Utena. What we see here is Suletta and Aerial serving as the Duelist and Witch respectively. It's incredibly smart to have Aerial in the role of unwilling servant/collaborator both for Utena parallels but also for The Tempest. She can't break free from her servitude, trapped as Arial is as a servant of Prospero and Anthy to Akio. Utena/Suletta is the one who struggles against delusion and misguided beliefs. GOD IT'S SO GOOD Y'ALL

The ED is so romantic too, I'm going to faint. They way they look at each other, even Mio who visibly seems uncertain. And the way their joined hands tremble in the last shot? You can feel Suletta's desperation. That collection of Suletta's is so ominous and witchy too. Reminds me of PMMM. (Also confirms Eri clones in Aerial?? Maybe) This season is off to a rocking start <3

[insanetwocubes]

I'm feeling so emotional right now.

I'm so tired.

I talked to our therapist about what happened in college. Cried a lot. Realized I forgot a good chunk of it. Now we need to finish the other half (hopefully) of the story. And then maybe next week I get to talk about something light. But I guess I'm doing my job and unblocking these things that have been bothering me.

If I had it my way, I would just talk to Flare but...

I wish I could just talk to Flare. But. *sigh*

Every time I run into this issue I'm lowkey kinda scared Flare and I will have to break up. But.. neither of us want to. But if your moiraillegence isn't working then you gotta find someone else, right? But it's also not not working? I mean we love each other a lot. But every time I talk about Flare I feel like... they're not pulling their end of the deal. But they are actually. And I don't actually want to break up. And we probably won't break up. And I will still love them if we break up.

But idk. I feel like the therapist is gonna be like "You deserve better" and convince me to break up. It doesn't at all make sense. Flare is my world, there is /nothing/ better than Flare. Idk.

Idk it feels like weird talking about our relationship. Because even though I /know/ Flare is doing their part, I can't put words to it to prove it? Lyke if someone decides to question it, what really would I say?

I could just answer with a scoff. Which is really what such a question deserves. I love Flare. End of story. We work together. We love each other. We support each other. And we're happy.

Except. I need more. And that feels so bad. But I don't love Flare any less. Obviously lol you're a fool to pass someone like Flare up.

I don't want to break up??? Four???? I love you.

I don't want to break up either. That's what I'm saying.

What's the core issue here?

I feel like I'm cheating on you.

With our therapist. The /doctor/ we're paying to help us live a healthier life? You're cheating me with a paid doctor?

Look okay, I know it sounds stupid. But lyke. What are we?

Moirails.

But are we?

That's what I thought we are?

Yeah, but you're....

Doing a better job at it lately?

Uhm. Yeah. But you didn't. Before.

Sorry.

And you only started doing better thanks to therapy.

So you're unhappy I'm doing a better job at being your moirail.

Yes... no. No. Augh.

What's changed? This feeling wasn't there since we went through the memories.

No. No, it wasn't.

Did I say something or...?

No....

So what happened?

It's.... different. Now.

You don't think you can help me now that it's your turn to get help.

That's.... hm.

Our dynamic flipped and now you're getting help and you're not sure about our dynamic anymore.

Yeah. Maybe. Is that okay? Sorry.

Four. Hey. Four Four.

Hm?

I don't want to break up because our dynamic flipped. Let me take care of you. Of us.

...

Okay? I love you, lover.

Ily rly?

~Four

[lady-lycany]

It's really true, that your brain connects itself new between like 11-14 years. Cuz that's the time, where my stepdad was more like a stepbeast and I knoow- that he changed for the better and regrets how he treated me the first years. But no matter what he does or what he says, even if it's something nice, I either absolutely don't belive him, or instantly become nervous, agressive and defensive inside.

When he taps me on the shoulder I jump, when he stands in the doorframe of the room I'm in, I slightly start to panic, When he's in the room with me while I do something I randomly start to do anything else, because my brain completely stops working and usually I just do nonsense like putting stuff from one side of the room to the other side and stuff like that. I always completely avoid eye contact as much as I can cuz I can't stand his face, rarely talk to him other than "hm, yes, no, okay" and so on...

I'm not doing anything of that on purpose. In situations like that, I always look up and am like "I knooow, I'm soorryy 🙄😪". Therapy could help with that (maybe) but the thing is, I don't even want to change it. I feel like he doesn't deserve it. That I use and tolerate him must be enough. He doesn't deserve that I let him closer to me.

What also extremely triggers me if he sees me having some sort of emotions (real emotions. others than my fake smile. even if he says something very funny, I do everything in my power to not laugh lol) or when he has any new infos about my life.

I'm gonna be so happy when I move out one day and can avoid him as much as possible.

And yes, I'm writing that, after he did me a favor. And I'm talking bad about him. Like on one side, it feels unfair what I do, but I really can't help it and I need to let it out somewhere. I mean, it's also unfair to treat a kid like trash...

[olivetreehugger]

SnK Scouts/Veterans as Health Care Workers

Note: features Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Connie, Sasha, Levi, Erwin and Hange. A part two to my “SnK Warriors as HCWs” post found here. warning: mentions of blood, trauma, gore (it’s healthcare). Also, I know Hange is nb, I headcanon them as female, so I will be using she/her pronouns. 

Eren: this boy is definitely too involved in everything and has too many people depending on him at once to not be a nurse. The kid barely passed the NCLEX but that didn’t stop him from applying to every trauma center within a 25 mile radius of him. He got hired as a night shift trauma ICU nurse  and he frequently picks up shifts in the ER. He wears the cheapest scrubs he can find, often stained with ink in the pockets area. He isn’t a shitty nurse per se but there are tasks that still need to be done at the end of his shift and he gives a crappy report that’s missing too many details. Nurses hate picking up his patients, it’s always a mess. His charting is really spotty and he gets called into the manager’s office all the time to fix it. 

Still, he tries really hard to improve his time management and skills. He wants to be like his friends Mikasa and Reiner, who are the best nurses he knows. He wants to be involved in the traumatic cases and emergencies because he wants to learn as much as he possibly can. He’s really good at wound care, for some reason (hint hint). He’s kinda cocky sometimes too, which can be troublesome when Dr. Galliard is working. People know to steer clear of those two when they’re both  in the ER. Also, Eren always has a black cloud around him; whenever he works it’s gonna be a hella busy day in the hospital. Lots of emergency surgeries, intubations, codes and deaths. He’ll always jump in to help you if your patient is crashing, though, no matter how busy he is. 

Mikasa: she’s a prodigy. She was a straight ‘A’ student in nursing school, got a perfect 75 on the NCLEX and was immediately hired to the trauma ICU after doing a short internship there. She worked night shift for a year but her sleep schedule was so so fucked she started having night terrors, so she switched to day shift. Eren still calls her a traitor for it :/. She keeps trying to get him to switch over but he just hisses at her and threatens to chug a case of Monster energy drinks. She hasn’t given upon him yet, though.

This girl’s work ethic is beyond measure. She comes in exactly at 6:30 am, looks up her patients, takes report, gives a great update to the doctors when they round, and provides impeccable care to her patients. She knows exactly which treatments the doctors will order before they even speak. She’s incredible at inserting IVs--everyone in the hospital knows Mikasa Ackerman can put an 18g in a 90  yr old lady’s arm AND get blood return (just trust me, it’s flipping impossible). She has great skill when it comes to emergency situations and is a big believer in team work. If she notices your patient’s crashing and you don’t know what to do, she’ll calmly coach you and save your patient, too. All before lunch time. 

It doesn’t take Mikasa long to be promoted to charge nurse. When she’s in charge all the reports, paperwork and audits are completed before shift change. She divides the patient assignments really well and is very fair to the new grads. All around she’s an incredible nurse and leader on her unit, but don’t be fooled. If it’s been a rough day, Mikasa will get in her car and sob so loud her throat goes raw. A lot of people depend on her and working in a trauma ICU is really, really demanding. A lot of patients are demanding, rude and busy. She has a lot of trouble with stress management and is thinking of cutting her hours down so she can catch a break. Someone please hug her <3

Armin: for some reason my brain is just SCREAMING respiratory therapist. Like, I imagine this beautiful blond boy in gray scrubs (the color for RT’s in my hospital) going around helping intubate patients, giving nebulizer treatments and doing blood gases. I can just see him huffing and puffing when the attending doctor is overzealous about weaning vent support. -“Why are we changing the patient to pressure support? do you see how tachypneic he is on volume control?”

-“are you gonna put in the order? if not, your patient’s gonna be on PRVC all day, I’m not changing it without an order”

-“Doc, the patient looks like crap and their blood gas looks like death...oh, you still wanna extubate? ok, well I’m gonna leave the ventilator in here just in case. better yet, let me call a pastor in here, too.”

This kid is sassy af and he knows it. He’s smart af too, knows everything there is to know about the lungs and respiratory care. Knows every ventilator mode better than most doctors. Will certainly tell a resident off for ordering the wrong type of inhaler for a patient. He’s so damn intelligent that he even made the ice queen Annie melt like a popsicle. 

 He has no chill when it comes to his patients and even less chill (like -4078875874670) when a doctor gets in his way. For this reason, Armin has recently been toying with the idea of going to PA school so he can have a little more autonomy. He works al over the hospital, usually frequenting the trauma, CV, and medical ICU. The nurses there love him. 

Jean: Jeannie boy. Baby. Sweetie. He’s also a nurse. He is strictly dayshift and trauma. When he first started, he thought he’d do a year in the ICU and then go to CRNA school. He didn’t want to be around sickly patients with hopes and dreams and fears--it was too icky for him. But, over time, he learned that he LOVED trauma. Jean loves the controlled chaos that comes with the ugly, bloody messes that roll in through the ICU’s doors. He always gears up for trauma season (summer time) by bringing Dunkin Donuts iced coffee for everyone on the unit (day and night shift because he’s a supportive king). He gets really good at dealing with arrogant trauma residents and ortho docs who think they’re hot shit. When Jean sees a resident yelling at a nurse, he jumps in and threatens to have their license revoked. He will dig under their skin and page them incessantly throughout the day, too, just to get back at them. Jean is not a fan of lateral violence in the workplace, no sir. 

He always, always makes sure every room is stocked and new bags are hanging for the next shift. He has a thing where if things aren’t properly organized on the unit his brain just spazzes. He’s on the unit council and education committee because he also loves to teach the new grads. He also doubles as charge nurse, when management can’t be there (there can be one or more charge nurses amongst the staff, they usually work different days, though) He and Mikasa work so well together, teaming up to get tasks done, coding patients, running them down to get scanned, etc. People joke they’re the mom and dad of the unit. It makes them both blush <3 (Eren doesn’t like it, lol)

Jean loves to see patients healing from horrendous injuries, he’s constantly cracking jokes with the awake patients to try to make them feel better, and he’s really good at calming anxious family members down. Our boy just makes such good connections with people. He’s the guy you call when your confused patient is one second away from ripping his breathing tube out. He can convince the most restless, agitated patient to chill out. He’s got the voice for it. Also people love his mullet. It looks great. 

Connie: I really didn’t know at first but I feel like Connie would make a great physical therapist. He’s got great energy, he’s funny and I could see him dancing to Earth, Wind & Fire in front of his patients to hype them up for therapy. He’d be very sweet with them 

Sasha: I’m sick and tired of the food jokes, quite honestly. She’s more than that. In my mind, she’s an occupational therapist, helping disabled patients learn to feed, dress and clean themselves again. She works directly with Connie as they round on all their patients in the hospital, they make a great team!  She’s extremely patient and would make a very good nurse, but is unsure of where life is taking her. That is until she meets Niccolo the dietician in the cafeteria, and she falls hard. He encourages her to follow her heart and she does!  

Levi: Hm. This one stumped me. Levi is a bit...cold. It’s not like he has incredible social skills. He’s meticulous and focused and kinda mean? He reminds me of an anesthesiologist, tbh. Like he’ll sedate the shit outta you for surgery, makes sure you don’t die on the table, and then drops you off to the unit as fast as he can. He never takes off his mask while in the hospital and he scrubs maybe four times before surgery. He is very good at medication calculations and knows everything about nerve blocks, intubation, pain medication and sedation. He can look at a person and just KNOW what kind of sedative to give and how much. Your blood pressure will never bottom out while he’s there, he’ll warn the surgeon and immediately get that norepinephrine started.

 If Zeke is the one operating, Levi is on his ass to finish up the surgery ASAP and to not linger, because Zeke takes his time and ignores the tele monitor alarming in the background. After surgery, this 5′2 demon will scream at the 6′ resident about the importance of blood pressure management and sedation in neurosurgical patients. Levi plays no games and he also just really hates Zeke lol

He seems like a jerk but genuinely cares about getting his peeps through surgery. His favorite surgeon to work with is Hange Zoe, because she’s brilliant and fast, but also cognizant of her patient’s hemodynamics. Levi likes taking trauma cases as long as it’s with her. When he drops a patient off to the trauma ICU or goes there to intubate, he makes sure Jean or Mikasa are there because he knows everything is gonna go smoothly. He trusts them a lot. He likes Armin, too and even let him intubate a few times. On his breaks, he’s drinking tea and reading a Williams & Sonoma catalog or scrolling through cleaning Tik Tok lol.

Erwin: This man. This beautiful and hunky beefcake. Omg. I HC him as someone who went to nursing school, became a charge nurse on the trauma unit back in the early 2000′s and fell in love with it. Erwin would eventually fall in love with leadership and educating, too. He went back to school and earned his Doctorate of Nursing Practice (a practice doctorate). He managed the trauma unit for ten years before his brilliant leadership skills and wicked smart brain got him elected as the Director of Trauma Surgery recently. He is the first person with a nursing degree and DNP to ever accomplish this, so it’s very controversial. A lot of toxic doctors threaten to leave the hospital for this (because they’re assholes), but Erwin threatens to fire them in response and it usually shuts them up. 

He often holds lectures in the hospital auditorium. With a mind and voice like his, people are so drawn in by him. He advocates for nursing staff, for reimbursement when continuing their education, better staffing, parking, etc. He makes nice with doctors and gets them to sign petitions for the nurses to get these things. He’s a bit manipulative He’s also a fantastic manager and director, he’s really good at negotiating things. The nurses and residents all love him because he rounds on every ICU frequently, brings food, and asks them how he can help. He can be a bit daunting because of his height and deep voice but once he starts talking to you, you just get sucked in. All around an absolute king. 

Hange: This character reminds me of a trauma surgeon and intensivist (ICU doctor) we have, Dr. Omi. A great surgeon, really really smart, but takes absolutely NO bullshit. She will yell at you if you freeze during intubating. She wants you to recite every step before you take it, otherwise she’ll take the tube from you and do it herself. In surgery, she’s the same way. She wants you to learn, but by her standards. If she asks a question, you better know the answer or fess up right away, she doesn’t like the “uhms” of uncertainty as you try to search for a shitty response. Either you know it or you don’t. And if you don’t, she’ll teach you. Yeah she can be rough around the edges, but she’s got a big heart. She loves her trauma team. She buys them breakfast and gives them funny personalized gifts. One time, she bought an apply tree for Mikasa and brought it to her car at the end of a shift. Mikasa forgot to plant it and it died in her backseat. Hange will sometimes ask, “Mikasa, how’s your apple tree growing?” and Mikasa will lie through her teeth. “It’s growing!” Fess up, Mikasa. Those google search apple trees are starting to look familiar.

All around Hange loves to work and teach. She is a wonderful trauma surgeon and has saved tons of lives.  

[naturallytom]

Mending a Broken Heart (Tom Holland x reader)

a/n: i posted this before but it flopped so...let’s hope that doesn’t happen again!

warnings: language, angst, mentions of cheating 

listen to: broken home (5sos), shouldn’t come back (demi lovato), river of tears (alessia cara)

please please reblog/leave feedback!! i worked really hard on this don’t want it to end up with like..20 notes lol 

gif not mine!

You had noticed it for months. Tom has been pulling away, spending more time out with the boys than at home with you. His kisses became forced and the words ‘love you’ slowly stopped falling from his lips. 

Most days he would leave for work before you woke up and on the rare occasion you were up when he left, he would mumble a ‘goodbye’ before walking out the door. Sometimes, if you were lucky, he would press a gentle kiss to your forehead. Most times, though, he would just leave. 

You did your best to keep the love alive, you were still madly in love with him. The wedding band that sat tightly on your ring finger mocked you. A symbol of what was love has turned into one sided love. Hell, you weren’t sure if Tom wore his wedding ring anymore. 

A quick glance to his left hand would reveal that he didn’t. 

You spent your nights wondering if it was something you did. Were you too clingy when he left to film? Was he just tired of you after four years of marriage? Did he find someone else?

No. You shook your head to yourself one night as you laid in the bed by yourself, the space usually occupied by Tom cold. If he found someone else and if he cheated, that’s on him. Not on you. 

Still, the thought plagued your mind. Did he meet someone else? Was she prettier than you? Is that where he was when he said he was out with the boys? Was she able to give him something you couldn’t give him?

The door opening and shutting alerted you that Tom was home. You sighed, knowing it’d be another night of sleeping on opposite sides of the bed. 

The door to the bedroom opened and in came Tom, Tessa jumping up to greet him. 

“Hey girl, hey love, how are you, hm?” He whispered, petting Tessa as his eyes flickering over to you, who was visibly awake. “Thought you’d be asleep by now. ‘S late.” 

“Couldn’t sleep.” You replied simply. “Hey so I was thinking, we haven’t had a date night in a while, maybe you wanted to go out to see the Halloween decorations around town and get dinner tomorrow night?” 

“Can’t,” He shook his head as he got ready for bed. “Harrison wants to watch the game. Told him I’d go.” 

“Didn’t you just see Harrison tonight?” 

“Yeah, and?” 

“Nothing.” You sighed, obviously upset. “Nothing, Tom. Goodnight.” 

“Night.” He responded, turning out the light and climbing into bed, falling asleep with his back toward you. 

-

The next day, you were surprised to see Tom already awake and waiting in the kitchen, sipping on a cup of tea when you got downstairs. 

“Good morning.” You smiled softly. 

“We need to talk.” He told you. You felt your heart drop and your palms get sweaty, but you wiped them on your pajama pants in an effort to seem totally calm and not panicked. 

“A-About what?” You asked, your voice coming out shaky. 

“I think,” Tom started. “I think we should get divorced.” 

It was then, at 8:30 am that your world came crashing down. 

“W-What?” You whimpered out, your voice weaker than before. “Why?”

“I’m not happy with you anymore.” He said simply. Your eyes flickered to his left hand, noticing the absence of the golden wedding band, making your heart ache. 

“We can try couples’ therapy. We can go on dates like we used to, Tom, please! We can fight for this, Tom. Fight for us.” You cried, your heart shattering into a million tiny pieces, each one puncturing your lungs as you struggled to keep your breath under control. 

“No,” He shook his head. “My mind is made up. I’m sorry, y/n. Um, I found a lawyer at a firm, they have a lot of other lawyers there you can contact. I’ll just, uh, leave their card here.” 

“So that’s it? Three years of dating and four years of marriage down the drain?” You sobbed, holding your knees to your chest as you sat on the kitchen floor. 

“I’m sorry, y/n. Truly, I am.”

He placed the small business card on the counter, grabbing the bags you didn’t even notice, mumbling an ‘I’ll be staying with Haz,’ before walking out the front door, like he did every other day. This time, though, you had the sinking feeling he was leaving for good. 

-

It was only three weeks that your lawyer came over to meet with you, joined by Tom and his lawyer. You kept your eyes focused on the table as you signed the paperwork, wanting to get this done as soon as possible. 

As soon as everyone left, you shut the door, slid down the back of it, and cried. 

-

Nearly two months after the worst day of your life and it was time for a self care night. The ring that once sat on your left hand was buried away in your jewelry box somewhere and you were finally starting to feel free and somewhat happy again after crying yourself to sleep and wondering where it all went wrong for months. 

After the divorce you buried yourself in work, using it as a distraction from going home to an empty house. Slowly but surely, the framed pictures of you and Tom came down, making a new home on the empty shelves in the closet. It hurt to be alone in the empty house at first, memories of you and Tom when you were happy plaguing the walls. Once you started making time for yourself, however, you became happier. 

Tonight, after a long day of decorating the house and making it seem cheery, you ordered your favorite Chinese food, played your favorite Christmas songs, and ran yourself a bath with a vanilla scented bath bomb. You were enjoying a glass of wine, the hot water of the bath soothing you when the music playing from your phone was interrupted by a call coming in. 

To your surprise, it was Tom. You contemplated answering it, but instead, let it go to voicemail. However, you were curious as to why he called, though you were also 99% positive it was a pocket dial. So you played the voicemail, the familiar voice ringing throughout the bathroom. 

“Hey y/n, um, I hope you’re doing well. I just called because I wanted to tell you something. I um, I miss you. A lot. And I know I don’t get to feel that way but I do and I just wanted to tell you that and I guess ask if there was any possibility of meeting to talk? Uh, call me back if...if you want. I don’t blame you if you hate me. Bye. Love y-” 

You turned off the voicemail before the phrase could be finished. Millions of thoughts filled your mind, ranging from happy ones to ones that made your heart ache and tears fill your eyes. 

You decided to ignore it, pretend it never happened, and enjoy your self care night. 

-

The next day you were enjoying a cup of tea and reading your book when a knock on the door interrupted you. Confusion filled your body, you weren’t expecting anyone to pop by. 

Opening the door, you were greeted by a sight you never thought you’d see again. Tom was standing on your the top step leading up to the front door, a bouquet of your favorite flowers in his hands. 

“Hi.” He breathed out, his breath forming a cloud around him due to the coldness of the air. 

“What are you doing here?” You asked, keeping your eyes focused on the ground. 

“Did you get my voicemail?” He responded, hope filling his eyes when you nodded. “Um, I brought these for you. I was hoping we could talk.” 

“Why should I talk to you? We’re divorced, just like you wanted.” Tom winced at the words. “Nothing to change.” 

“Actually, we’re not.” He corrected. “I called the office the other day. Um, it’s not official yet.” 

“Well then they should make it official. Maybe I can call them and make it happen as my very last Christmas present to you. Just what you wanted.” You snapped. 

��No, this isn’t what I want, can I speak, please?” He pleaded, his eyes resembling those of a puppy. 

“Fucking, fine, Tom! Jesus.” You groaned. 

“Can, can I come in?” He asked, his voice small and fragile. 

You debated saying no, saying that he’s not welcome in your house after what he did. But it was snowing and to be honest, your face was getting cold. So you opened the door a little wider, allowing him to come in. 

“Stay there.” You instructed, taking the flowers from him and placing them on the kitchen counter before going back to where he was waiting at the front door, taking a seat on the stairs across from him. “Speak.” 

“The house looks nice. Really nice. You did a good j-” 

“Tom I’m not gonna listen to your small talk. Say what you have to say and leave.” You told him. His heart broke but he couldn’t blame you. 

“Um, so I thought I wasn’t happy with you but um, as time went on, I realized how much I miss having you in my life.” He began, visibly nervous. “I was just looking through our pictures and how happy you looked and I just, I guess I realized I wanted to be the one to make you that happy again.”

“You haven’t made me happy in months, Tom.” 

“I know.” His heart clenched. “I know and I’m so sorry, y/n. I really am.” 

“Was there someone else? Did you cheat on me?” You asked. 

“No, no absolutely not, y/n.” He answered before adding; “I went on a date with someone after we split up but it didn’t work out. I realized she wasn’t what I want.” 

“Of course she wasn’t.” You scoffed. 

“I want you, y/n. I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy again.” He told you, tears filling your eyes. “Is there..is there any possibility you could love me again?” 

“Again?” You seethed. “Tom I never fell out of love with you! I never stopped loving you! That was all you! You stopped loving me and you wanted this stupid fucking divorce!”

“I..I don’t think I ever stopped loving you either.” He whispered, tears falling down his rosy cheeks. “Please, y/n, if there’s even the tiniest chance..” 

“Of what, Tom? Of going right back to being married? Of you making me happy? I don’t know, Tom! I don’t know anything except that I hate you right now.” You sobbed, crying into your knees while Tom let out quiet sobs of his own, his heart clenching at the lack of wedding band on your left hand and the missing pictures that previously decorated the first hallway in your once shared house. 

“Of..anything, y/n. Please, I just want a second chance to show you how much you mean to me, to make you happy again. I will do anything to save us, anything you want. And...and if it’s not working or you just really hate me, I wouldn’t blame you. Not at all.” He begged, his eyes puffy and red. 

“I tried to save us, Tom. Don’t you remember? I begged and pleaded with you to do couples therapy to go on dates when you were breaking my heart into a million tiny pieces. I begged you to try and fight for us, for our marriage, but you just walked out the god damn door!” You spit through gritted teeth. 

“I fucked up, I know. I fucked up so badly.” He cried, wiping his tears away. 

“And if leaving me wasn’t enough, you took Tessa too! I was left completely alone in this big fucking house that was haunted by you.” You sobbed. 

“I’m..I’m sorry, y/n. So so fucking sorry. What do you want me to do?” 

“I want...I want you to hurt. I want you to hurt the way you hurt me. I want you to know how this fucking feels.” You said, your voice getting louder with each word that fell from your lips.

Tom could only cry. This was ripping him apart, he couldn’t even imagine what the whole thing felt like to you. 

“I’m gonna need time to think, Tom.” You finally mumbled, Tom nodding in response. 

“I’ll give you all the time you need. I promise you-” 

“Don’t. Don’t promise me anything.” You spoke, your voice low. “You won’t be able to keep it. You promised you’d love me forever four years ago and look what happened.” 

“y/n pl-”

“You don’t get to do this. You-you don’t get to just waltz right back in here and ask for a second chance to fight for us when I didn’t even get a first chance. How do I know this won’t end like it did before?” 

“y/n, I swear to you, if this isn’t working out, you can leave me. I...I just want a chance to prove myself to you.” He begged. 

“God, Tom. You don’t get it! I’m not going through this again. Do you realize how much you broke me the first time? Fuck, you had a chance, Tom. And you threw it away.” You muttered quietly. 

“I regret that every day. Every god damn day.” He told you honestly.

“I don’t know, Tom.” You sighed. 

“Talk to me?” He tried, knowing you were hiding something deeper than an ‘I don’t know.’

“Don’t know what else there is to say.” You mumbled. “I don’t trust you, I-I can’t trust you. I hate you.” 

“The pictures of us aren’t up anymore.” Tom sniffled, changing the subject. 

“I hated looking at them.” You told him honestly. “I want to start over.” 

“What?”

“I want to start over. I can’t go back to being emotionally married to you even if we’ll still be married legally. I’m talking starting from scratch, as if we were meeting for the first time, the whole deal.” You told him. 

“That sounds perfect, y/n. Thank y-”

“Get out, Tom. Please. I just want to be alone and not with you right now. I’m still not happy with you.” 

“Okay.” He breathed out, hope filling him once again. “You won’t regret this, I promise.” 

“What did I just say about promises?” You asked tearily. 

“I know, I know. I’m determined to keep this promise, though.” He told you. 

“Fine. Whatever. Just please leave for now.” You whimpered, watching as he walked out the door, just like he did when he broke your heart. 

You decided you needed another self care night. Another bath was run, another vanilla scented bath bomb was used, more wine was consumed. 

Tom texted you right as you got out of the bath. 

Tom: hey y/n, it’s tom, just incase you don’t have my number saved anymore. I just wanted to say thank you for the second chance. I really am grateful. I hope you have a relaxing night, you deserve it. 

You rolled your eyes and tossed your phone gently on your bed, though you could feel your heart rate pick up and butterflies fill your stomach. 

-

Tom began texting you sweet little things each morning, whether it was to let you know that he’s been thinking of you or to tell you that he hopes you have a great day. At first you ignored them, but then you began responding in short answers of one or two words until the two of you were texting every day, like when you met for the first time seven years ago. 

-

Over a month after you started texting again, Tom took you on a first date. Pulling up to your house, Tom felt the nerves fill his body as he walked up to your front door and knocked, another bouquet of your favorite flowers in his hand. 

He felt all the air leave his lungs as you opened the door. You looked absolute stunning. You were wearing a navy blue dress that reached down to just above your knees, one Tom bought you one year. 

“Wow, hi.” He breathed. “You look stunning.” 

“Thank you.” You smiled, accepting the flowers he handed you. “I’ll be right back.” 

Tom took you to your favorite restaurant that night, one that the two of you frequented when you (formerly) went on dates. 

When he took you back to your house, he walked you up to the front door, where he nervously asked if he could kiss you. 

You said yes, and that was all Tom needed to press a soft kiss to your lips. The kiss was magical, both of you felt the sparks between the two of you. 

“God I missed doing that.” Tom mumbled as he pulled away to breathe. 

“Then do it again.” 

-

A couple months after that, Tom moved back in with you. The pictures of the two of you were dusted off and put back up on the walls in the first hallway of the house. 

-

Finally, after a year, Tom proposed to you (again). You hesitated a little bit, still scared it would end in heartbreak again, which broke Tom’s heart, but said you yes in the end. 

The two of you renewed your vows, putting on the golden bands that were once again a symbol of the love the two of you shared. 

You had a small party back at your house after the ceremony, your families joining to celebrate. You found Tom alone in the kitchen, grabbing a beer for him and Harry. 

“Hey.” You greeted, fiddling with your fingers as tears of happiness filled your eyes. 

“Hey, what’s wrong, my love?” Tom asked, concerned as soon he saw the tears filling your eyes. 

“Nothing, nothing. I, um,” You started, wiping your tears away and wrapping your arms around Tom’s neck. “I’m really glad we made it back to this.” 

“Me too, lovey. I love you so much.” He whispered, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead.

“Hey, Tommy?” 

“Yeah?” 

“You kept your promise.” You smiled softly, making Tom’s heart ache at the memory of you not being able to trust him. 

“I told you I would.”

_______________________________________________________________________

tagging some mutuals: @spideypeach​ @sunrise-shawn​ @angelic-holland​ @sunshinehollandd​ @spiderboytotherescue​

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #307

“you lie so much, you believe yourself”

How long has it been since you kissed someone? Like, two years or so. What level are you on Farmville? Never played it. What are you looking forward to in the next year? I hope Covid just withers away, dammit. I truly, truly hope this vaccine is effective. And that people start wearing their GODDAMN masks. Do you use a lot of emoticons? Not really nowadays. Would you ever climb a mountain? No. Even if my legs were capable of handling that, I'd be too afraid of an avalanche. Colons or equal signs for your smiley face’s eyes? Colons. When was the last time you swam in a lake? A looooong time ago. If you could have anything right now, what would you want? It'd be great to chill at Sara's house honestly, I miss that. What’s your relationship status? Single and I think finally starting to truly accept I need to be right now. I wouldn't want to date myself in my current position, so I shouldn't expect anyone else to. When was the last time someone asked you your age? On my birthday when I mentioned in group therapy that I was trying to make it an especially good day about myself. When was the last time you danced? Very, very poorly with Sara years ago lmao. Has anyone ever tried to physically fight you? Someone snatched my arm and yanked me down to look her in the eyes in HS because she was a jealous bitch back then telling lies, but idk if her intention was to actually try to start a physical fight. Are you avoiding someone? No. What’s your favorite primary color? Red. What do you have pierced? Just my ears and bottom lip now. :/ I want morrrreeee. I'm forever tilted that so many of my piercings closed when I was hospitalized. What is your favorite dog breed? I find pugs to be very cute, but I do not support their breeding whatsoever so would never buy one. Besides them, I have a definite bias towards beagles. In your honest opinion, what is the scariest sea creature you know? Fucking Christ, giant squids. Terrifying. Do you believe there is just one love for everyone, or…? No. There are way, way, WAY too many people on this planet for that. What natural disaster scares you the most? Tornados. What outrageous career could you see yourself wanting to do? Define an "outrageous" career... but I can't visualize myself doing anything very unordinary. In what way would you want to help change the world? I truly hope I can make some considerable amount of contributions to natural conservation and animal education. When driving down the road looking for an address do you turn the radio low? I don't drive, but I know I would, considering I can't concentrate on driving if the radio is on anyway. What do you think of when you look at the stars? How little I and my problems really are. It gives me perspective. If you could say ONE THING to the president, what would it be? Well, Biden just got into office, so I can't really say yet. We'll see what he does. What Disney princess are you most like? Personality wise, I mean. Uh. I'unno. Maybe Snow White because animals? haha Do you believe in astrology? Not in the slightest. Do you look into people’s eyes when you talk to them? I try to, anyway, but I tend to find it very uncomfortable, and I never know if I'm offering too little or too much. So I have trouble maintaining it, especially with people I don't know. You can have one of the following two things: trust or love. Pick one. Trust. What do you think is the most important thing in this life is? Hm, that's a deep one. Perhaps the understanding that you are just as important as the next person and that we should work as one to make this one life that we know of worthwhile. Make the world better than when you entered it. What is your favorite shade of blue? Pastel blue. I just like pastels in general. When's the last time you bought something just because? I don't buy things "just because." If I actually have money to spend, I use it with motivation behind it. What Ozzy lyric describes you best? WHOA NOW HUNNY you are asking the WRONG person because I can just about name his entire discography so there are waaaay too many song lyrics to dig through and pick one for myself. Probably something from "Dreamer," after a short moment's consideration. When was the last time you went for a walk without a specific destination in mind? Not since Sara and I walked down the path near her house. We didn't plan on when we would turn around to go back. Do you daydream? Only all the time. What was your last daydream about? Ha, thanks to that other question, visiting Sara again. It'd be nice, but yeah, financial limitations and corona. Ever won the lottery? Bitch I wish. What was the most important decision you made that screwed up your life the most? Ugh... I'd say putting all my self-worth, happiness, and source of peace into one person was pretty big but also fucking stupid. What is love really about? Don't ask a romantic this and expect a non-essay, haha. But to keep it as short as possible, it's about mutual care, the desire to grow together, trust, openness, the peace to be vulnerable with the other... It's about a lot. It's such a deep, beautiful feeling. What's the most you ever made in a year? lol Do you have an online diary? Only through surveys, really. What's the biggest pot you've won in poker? I haven't played poker since I was a kiddo, so idr. What Metallica lyric most describes your life? Who wrote this and knows my favorite bands????? Like damn. There's a good handful of the sadder songs I relate to; I did some brief digging through ones I know I relate to, and perhaps the one I feel closest is within "The Unforgiven II": "The door is locked now, but it's open if you're true. If you can understand the me, then I can understand the you." Aaaand now I'm gonna go binge Metallica 'cuz it's been too long, thanks. How many concerts have you been to? Just one. :/ Which one was your favorite? I've only seen Alice Cooper, and it was great. What's the most illegal thing you've done? Pirated stuff, oops. Ever get busted by the cops? What for? No. How many pairs of rollerblades do/did you own? I doubt I have any anymore. Ever wear out a CD? What was it? Ahaha... There is some scratching on my mom's copy of Ozzmosis thanks to me playing it so much on my old CD player. Ever have a tornado in your town? Well my city is pretty damn big, so yes, in some spots. I don't think my immediate proximity has ever seen one, though. If you HAD to pick ONE song to listen to for the rest of your life, and that would be the only song you ever heard, what would it be? I would absolutely need something motivating if that was the case, so most likely "Life Won't Wait" by Ozzy Osbourne. That song touches me so deeply and gives me the courage to do what I can to tackle life and try not to waste it. I know, I'm doing a great job at that. Ever heard of Shinedown? Hell yeah; I was actually listening to them in the car earlier. What does your lawn furniture consist of? We have nothing out there. Ever live off of canned soup and ramen noodles for weeks at a time? Er, no. But when I got my tongue pierced, I had to survive off of popsicles and... I somehow forgot the main thing I ate???? How?????? But anyway it was something that didn't involve much or any chewing, either. I actually lost a little bit of weight in that week or so because eating solids was impossible, and I didn't enjoy "eating" liquids either. That piercing (snake eyes, btw) was soooo so cute tho. I really wish it hadn't started to damage my teeth, or else I'd still have it. What musical group/artist do you love, but hide from other people? I used to be kinda embarrassed by artists like Melanie Martinez when you compare her music to my adoration of metal, but at my age now, I don't give a damn. I like what I like and won't hide it. What is the first meal you remember eating? ... Does anyone actually remember this??? What's in your keepsake box/scrapbook? Good God, a lot. I haven't looked in it in a very, very long time though. It brings a usually painful nostalgia. What did you score on your SATs? I don't even remember if I took them. I THINK I took the ACT instead? I don't even know the difference. When was the last time you saw a rainbow? Hm. Been a while. It's not like I'm out of the house a lot, especially nowadays with quarantine. What colors is your lava lamp? I wish I had a lava lamp, they're rad and really relaxing. What's the strangest thing you've ever hung on the wall? Nothing, really. Can you name every place you've ever had sex? I mean I can but I'm not going to. What's the most important thing you ever lost and never found again? My favorite childhood cat Charcoal. He was an outdoor and intact male, so it was very normal for him to eventually vanish to rove. Please keep your cats indoors. What forms of birth control have you used? The pill and, uh, having "barriers." How many webpages have you created, and can you still find them all? I made Wetpaint sites for my two RP mobs back in the day, but the site has since been completely revised, so no, they don't exist anymore. I checked outta curiosity I think last year. How many people are in your family portrait? We don't even have a proper family portrait. Ever punched a wall? No. When's the last time you really lost your temper? In some argument with Mom I don't remember. Ever thought you (or a girlfriend) were pregnant, but it was a false alarm? I had massive anxiety over it once, but it was irrational and even I knew that. Not that anxiety cares. If 97 is yes, were you glad or sad? I was very glad when my period came lmao. What was the last conversation you had with someone before they died? When I saw my grandma for the last time, I just let her know that I loved her and that she was so, so strong, and she was. No one could believe how long she warded death off when she finally stopped chemo. What do your drinking glasses look like? We have some more unique cups and mugs, but the majority of them are just plain, slightly angular glasses, some short, some tall. How many bottles/containers are in your medicine cabinet? Oh wow, a lot. We're covered for most potential problems. How many funerals have you been to? Uhhh I think one. Maybe even none, just wakes. What was the last bug you killed and what did you use? An ant, I think? I just used my fingers. How many computers in your household? There are three laptops, but no desktop computers. Ever help to solve a crime? There was one occasion years ago when our neighbor's window was busted overnight and cops came to us to ask for any evidence we might have had, but we didn't have any. Idk what came of it. Ever get pulled over by the cops and get away without a ticket? I've never been pulled over. What was your first legal alcoholic drink? I think it was a margarita, but possibly a daquiri. Ever get published by one of those poetry groups? I fucking wish. I've tried, but to no avail. What's the furthest distance you've moved? Not very far at all. Just to the neighboring town. How many friends from high school/college do you still talk to? Only a few now and then. Girt is the only one I have real conversations with, though. What's the most expensive things your parents ever bought you? Probably the laptop I have right now, but idk. I've never asked how much things they've bought me cost, it seems rude somehow. What's the most expensive thing you've bought? The upcoming revamp of my tattoo. Deposit was $100, and then it's probably going to be another $300-400. I can't afford it all myself; as my birthday gift, Mom is helping me pay for it, but I've got most of it covered thanks to Christmas and birthday money. How many times did you intentionally start to commit suicide? Start to do it? Well, I was trying to run for sharp objects to do it twice, but on each occasion, someone held me back 'cuz they knew I was about to do something rash, so I didn't get very far, thankfully. The only time I fully went through with an attempt was my OD. Ever spent the night in the "loony bin?" How fucking disrespectful to call it that, but whatever. If you put all the instances together, I've been in psych hospitals for around a couple months, maybe more. What is your favorite cover song? Disturbed's cover of "Sound of Silence" is absolutely unbeatable. I'd just about call it a cold hard fact. What's your inspiration? Other's success stories, music, art in general, etc. What's the longest relationship you've been in? Over 3 1/2 years. Did you ever drop out of school? I dropped out of college three times, yikes. Three times is enough; even if I think I want to, I'm never going back. That is just way too much money to keep throwing down the drain, and there's clearly a pattern. Ever raise a child that wasn't your own for more than 3 months? I've never raised a kid period. Strangest medical procedure ever performed on you? Look up what a pilonidal cyst is and know I had one surgically removed. Pretty strange and uncomf. Song that has changed your attitude recently? None, really. What's something that you say a lot to be mean? ... Why would I try to be mean??? Who told you they loved you last? Me mum. Ever had a pet frog? Not technically, no, but as kids, my sister, neighbor, and I saved hundreds, maybe thousands of tadpole eggs from a ditch that was inevitably going to dry out. We transferred them all to a kiddie pool and let them grow naturally, hopping out and into the world whenever they were ready. I wouldn't call them "pets." Your worst enemy? IT'S NO SURPRIIIISE TO MEEEE I AAAAMMM MY OWN WORST ENEMYYYYY Do you believe in karma? No, but I wish it was a thing. What was the last hurtful thing you said to someone? I'm not sure. I certainly try to avoid doing so. Do you love someone enough you'd die for them? There's multiple people. The last song you listened to? I wasn't joking when I said I was gonna go on a Metallica spree, haha. "Of Wolf and Man" is on rn. Your most favorite memory as a kid? Too many, man. If you had the choice to work or not, would you work? Yes. I need something to do that benefits others in one way or another. Ever TRULY wanted to kill someone? I can't say for sure, if I'm being totally transparent. When I found out about Jason's gf after me, I can say with certainty I wanted her dead beyond dead, but I don't know if I wanted to kill her, per se. Just to clarify, no, I don't wish any negativity upon her now. I was certifiably insane before and certainly don't think I am anymore, so... Marvel or DC? I don't care. Do you watch anime subbed or dubbed? Both. I prefer dubbed, BUT only if the voice acting isn't insufferable. I like dubbed just because for me, it's very distracting to have to keep looking down at subtitles. How often do you exercise? I don't... I'm still waiting for Mom to move into her actual room versus the living room couch so I can do WiiFit with some privacy. I'm too uncomfortable to exercise in front of anyone. What is your favorite book series? Warriors will forever have a very special place in my heart. What is your favorite OTP? I will probably ship Rhett and Link for my entire life. Their friendship is truly incredible and so so SOOOOOOO cute. Who is your favorite Harry Potter character? I've never seen the series, actually.

[happytsukki]

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ LORS PLAYS CUPID ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

➽@astronomyturtle​ says:

❝ Oml congrats on 100!! You deserve it 🥺 this is my first time ever doing a matchup, hopefully I do this right 😅. I’m an INTJ Aquarius, emphasis on the introverted tendencies. I’m like the mom of my friend group, a really good listener but not the best at talking about my own feelings and I tend to suppress stuff tbh. I really like reading and astronomy and philosophy, and I’m majoring in aerospace engineering. I don’t really have a type, and I have brown hair/eyes and I’m 5’6. Thank you 🥺❤️❤️ ❞

i always see you in my notifs so thank you so much for supporting me!! i hope you like it bc i literally had to do xtra research for him 😭

MIYA ATSUMU

atsumu would never date one of his fans, he would prefer to find someone that isn’t more invested than his fame than his actual self but don’t get me wrong he loves the attention

you’d probably meet him in class, completely unaware that he was one of the best setters in the nation

atsumu is highkey offended by this and makes it his goal for you to come to one of his games

once you do show up, he’s ECSTATIC. being the confident & cocky setter he is, he plays one of his best game yet.

all because you’re there 🥺 cheering for him in the stands + when he serves he takes that moment to breathe but quickly glances at you from the corner of his eye

afterwards, his fans swarm him left and right but he declines all their gifts because he only had one person in mind. you.

then of course he asks if you would want to get dinner later

dating atsumu also means taking care of inarizaki alongside shinsuke which can make atsumu very jealous

“i thought you were MY girlfriend not kita’s”

or “hm why don’t you just date ‘samu since you like talking to him so much.”

atsumu pouting to try to make you feel bad (maybe gives you the cold shoulder sometimes LOL)

aside from being hyper jealous, he’s also super protective of you.

a player from another team could go up to you and atsumu’s already in his way, asking you if he was bothering you.

HE ALSO LOVES TO TEASE YOU

whenever you’re blushing he won’t hesitate to point it out

“aww [name] do i see a blush coming? lemme see”

he treats you like his queen (with the advice of osamu)

goes out of his way to shower you with presents, even if it is just an extra taiyaki he happened to come by. he’s always just thinking of you 🥰

one thing he loves are CUDDLES

just being able to rant while his head rests on your chest is his best form of therapy. since birth, he’s constantly held himself at such a high standard that it can be emotionally draining.

you being the “mom” type that is more than willing to listen makes him absolutely adore you. you’re his rock.

when things get rough and life doesn’t turn out the way he would like it to go, he knows that with you nothing will change.

i know atsumu can definitely be a bit on the selfish side, but once he starts dating you he starts to learn about what it means to be selfless and how to care for others.

he wouldn’t let you suppress your feelings any longer. atsumu would actually force you to sit down with him and talk about your feelings because he doesn’t like seeing you hurt.

he’s grateful that you’re willing to listen but he also wants to listen to you.

atsumu will sit there, head in his hands, captivated with you as you ramble on about philosophy.

also finds it really cool how you’re majoring in engineering and aerospace!!

jokes about you leaving him to go to space

he’s immature like that sorry

but praises you 24/7 for being so smart

he has this big tough guy facade going on but he’s SO CLINGY !! he wants to be as close to you as possible, whether it be an arm around your shoulder or resting his chin on your shoulder while he wraps his arms around your waist, he likes your warmth 🥺

he can go both ways with pda? i can see him wanting to show you off by planting a big kiss on your lips for the fun of it (also to embarass you hehe) but can also be content just holding your hand.

he has endless pet names for you; angel, princess, honey, buttercup,

i see him as a forehead kisses type guy, especially before games

[eldritchsurveys]

687.

Do you own any bug spray? >> No.

Are you a good gift giver? >> I think I’m a conscientious gift giver. I try to pay attention to what people enjoy and what interests them, and give accordingly. I also don’t stress out a lot about it, which greatly helps the process.

Whats the longest trip you've ever been on? >> Greyhound from Colorado to NYC.

Do you know what XOXO stands for? >> Hugs and kisses?

What's the first person who comes to your mind when you hear the word blue? >> No person comes to mind.

Have you ever been to New York City? >> I used to live there.

Have you ever heard of Vogue? >> The... the magazine? The song? Yes???

Are you a daughter or son in law? >> I refuse to be anyone’s son-in-law. The thought of being addressed as such makes my gorge rise. Please leave me out of familial relationships.

Do you know anyone in the military? >> Yeah, Sparrow’s sister’s husband.

Whats your shoe size? >> I never remember this, for some reason.

Are you a Liberal? >> I mean, sure, why not. I’m certainly not Conservative.

Do you know a real life Cinderella story? >> No.

Have you seen any of the Harry Potter movies? >> I’ve seen all of them.

Do you like your significate others siblings? >> They’re fine people. I wouldn’t necessarily hang out with them or anything, but they’re cool.

Have you ever recieved a singing birthday card? >> No.

Does your name contain more than ten letters? >> No, seven.

Whats your cell phone network? >> Boost Mobile.

Do you twitter? >> No.

Do you own anything made by APPLE? >> No.

Where did you graduate? >> Westfield High School. (There are quite a few of those in the country. Also, the school that Tate Langdon committed his mass murder in on American Horror Story is also a Westfield High, just on the opposite coast from mine, lol.)

What color are your walls in your bedroom? >> Off-white.

How old is your mom? What about you dad? >> ---

Have you ever shopped at Hollister? >> No. I think that’s one of the stores that puts cologne in its air ducts or sprays it around the store or whatever, so I avoid it like the plague.

Can you name ten cereals? >> I could, but I won’t.

Have you ever tried Hamburger helper? >> Yes.

What was your first cars color? >> ---

Do you have a best friend? >> No.

Were you alive when Clinton was in office? >> Yeah.

Do you remember who your Kindergarten teacher was? >> I vaguely remember her appearance.

Do you have a favorite president? A least favorite? >> No.

Do you know anyone named Wendy? >> I don’t think so.

Whats the longest you could go without talking? >> Days, I’m sure.

What about eating? >> I don’t know. As long as I had to, I guess, although my functioning would be severely hampered.

Whats the best complement you've ever recieved? >> *shrug*

Have you ever watched American Idol? What about the Hills? >> I’ve watched American Idol.

Can you french braid? >> No.

Were you ever a girl scout or a boy scout? >> Briefly.

Whats your least favorite color? >> I don’t know, I’ve never thought about it.

Do you know anyone in jail? >> No.

Do you have kids? >> No.

How often on average do you cry? >> I don’t know, there is no average.

Whats the strangest name you;ve ever heard? >> ---

How old were you when you learned to walk? >> I don’t know.

Do you own anything made of lace? >> No.

Do you hug more guys or girls? >> I don’t hug anyone.

How many people do you share a name with? >> Zero.

Do you know a scrooge? >> No?

Whats your favorite football team? >> ---

Do you know what "i plead the fifth" means? >> Sure.

What number in Venus in the solar system? >> Er... two? Like, I didn’t know they were numbered, but since it’s the second planet from the Sun, I assume that’s what number it’d be...

How many cell phones have you had in the past five years? >> Three.

What kind of bubble gum do you chew? >> I used to chew Orbit bubble gum constantly, it was my absolute favourite, but now they’ve changed the formula and it’s fucking terrible. I don’t know why they felt the need to change it. It was the perfect bubble gum. :(

Do you wear a one piece bathing suit or two piece, a speedo or trunks? >> ---

Did you go to your senior prom? >> I did.

If you could jump in front of only one friend who would it be? >> What?

Have you ever fallen in or out of love? >> Who knows.

Do you watch the real world? >> I’ve never seen it.

Whats your favorite baby name? >> ---

What one celebrity do you hate? >> Why would I bother hating a celebrity.

Do you support a charity? >> No.

Do you bite your fingernails? >> No.

Have you ever done drugs? >> Yes.

Do you pop your knuckles? >> Sometimes.

Do you burn by the sun easy? >> I don’t burn in the Sun.

Are you a large religous person? >> No.

Do you scrapbook? >> No.

Can you name all the baldwin brothers? >> I don’t know, how many are there? I can name like... hm. Two?

If you could change your eye color would you and to what color? >> Gold.

Have you ever had braces? >> No.

Whats your favorite cartoon character? >> I have a lot of favourites.

Imagine your dream home, does it have a fence around it? >> I don’t want a fenced-in home.

Do you like Martinis? >> I mean, I don’t remember the last time I had one, but I’m pretty sure I like them.

Do you own any yellow shoes? >> No.

When were you the saddest in your whole life? >> *shrug*

Have you ever seen a ghost? >> Maybe.

Do you work out? >> No.

Are you a virgin? >> No.

What color is your favorite shirt? >> ---

Are you in dyer need to take a shower? >> I am not in dire need of a shower. I’ll be taking one tomorrow morning.

How many books do you read a month? >> Anywhere between zero and five.

Can you type fast? >> Yes.

In school were you bullied? >> Yes.

Have you ever swam in the ocean? >> I’ve been in the surf, but I can’t swim so that’s as far as I go.

Are you sarcastic? >> I mean, sometimes? Not constantly, that’d be inappropriate.

Do you own a boat? >> No.

What about a camper? >> No.

What are you views on hunting? >> I have no views on it. Also, “hunting” is a general term that encompasses many different practices, some less ethical than others, so.

Do you read the newspaper? >> No.

Whats your pet peeve? >> ---

Do you know anyone who suffers from bone loss? >> No.

Do you have any tattoos? >> Yes.

Are you on any teams? >> No.

If you died today where do you think you'd go? >> *sigh*

Do you know anyone who is pregnate? >> No.

Who is the first contact in your cell phone? >> Elle, probably.

What color are you bed sheets? >> Grey.

Ever have an itch you couldn't scratch? >> Nah, there’s always a way to scratch it.

How many shoes do you own? >> Two pairs, not counting weather boots.

Have you ever been to therapy? >> Yes.

What kind of car do you drive? >> I don’t.

What kind do you want? >> ---

Would you survive in the military? >> I wouldn’t, which is fine, because I don’t want anything to do with the military in the first place.

Do you use online dating? >> I have, but I don’t now.

Do you curse? >> Sure.

Do you go to church? >> No.

Do you think you over weight? >> Whatever.

Did you go to College? >> No.

Have you ever been cheated on? >> No.

Have you ever cheated? >> Yes.

How often are you sick? >> Rarely.

Did/ Do you miss alot of school? >> I did not miss any school until high school, when I started being admitted to the mental hospital every few months.

Can you play any kind of instrument? >> No.

Whats your dating type? >> ---

Do you like scented candles? >> Sure, depending on the scent.

Are you easily bored? >> No.

Do you know anyone gay? >> The majority of the people I know are some flavour of not-heterosexual.

[majessticaf-blog]

Letter for the Future

Dear Future Self,

Hows it going? It’s Me from November 2018. Hope we’re doing well! Obviously if we wasn’t then there’s really no reason to even write this but just in case let’s give it a shot, hm?

Basically, I just wanted to let you know what’s up, how life is going, what is currently going on in our life so maybe 5-10 years from now you can look back and compare and see how much you’ve grown, how much your life has changed.

First and foremost, are we still riddled with anxiety every single day almost? Do you still have all the questions you had at 25? Like what your purpose is or what you want to do with your life, the meaning of it all? If not, it’s okay, it’ll happen one day.

Currently in 2018, it’s almost Thanksgiving and you’re gonna try to work for the holiday pay because you fucked up your finances once again. You’re still with the guy you’ve been with since January ‘15, you even moved away from your home for him.

The beginning of 2018 sucked because you might as well had been homeless; living in his cousins garage because they said it’d be “such a good idea”. But you were right from the start when you said they would take advantage of every opportunity to screw yall over and talk all the shit they talk along with the blame. Always remember that no matter what while living there y’all stayed broke af while sleeping on air beds that would pop every few months, had no heating in the winter or cooling in the summer and just to get privacy he had to turn the door knob around so the door could be unlocked from the inside. I won’t go in to full detail of it all because I’m sure you can remember but my point is no matter what you or him could do they were not and never will be happy unless they come out looking better somehow and none of it is your fault because they are who they are and you can’t change people or make people see the shit side of themselves.

Moving on, y’all got out of there right around your bday and finally got an apartment and you also started working at a gas station.

Things were good for a bit but in October you decided to try and focus on your self and your mental health some and you up and quit your job. That night he got arrested for having arrest warrants while coming home from work in your car. He contacted his family (the garage family) and they lent him the money to bail him out which as you know is a whole thing because they’re just shitty people. You just started your job back in November at the same place to help with the debt y’all got in. Your tendinitis flared back up for the first time in at least 2-3 years if not longer(started in early October).

Also in September we lost Mac Miller to an accidental OD with coke mixed with fentenyl and alcohol and we were deeply fucked up about that. It took 2 months for the toxicology report to come back so no one knew what happened and you fell down a rabbit hole and came up with several conspiracy theories and you were right with one of your theories. I can remember sitting on the porch smoking a blunt to his song “Outside” on so many occasions and even at the over look where we use to smoke back home. He will always be greatly missed.

Now I wanna remind you about one of the worse fights you and him have ever had. It was over literal shit, the toilet overflowed as soon as you woke up and he had been up all day so you assumed it was him and y’all got upset and fought the hell outta each other. But let’s be honest here it was mostly him venting his anger of the events of the past few months. He hit you like he never had before. I don’t think anyone has ever laid hands on you like that. Your face was bruised and it was noticeable. Upper lip bruised, under both eyes, side of your face- jaw line both sides, scratches on your body and more bruises on your sides. It hurt to move for at least a week. And we did what we do best... pushed it to the side and ignored it all. Even though we cried for days and still don’t completely feel healed, that’s because you’re not. Right now we feel like we have so many issues that you just don’t know where to start.

You wanted to start therapy at the beginning of this year as well but you’re too broke for a real one and too nervous about what to say to interact online.

Also you met a person claiming to be psychic so I hope something came of that because it’s interesting, Lol.

This is the perfect representation of our brain. So many thoughts floating around, some with connections, some not.

Well, I guess that’s really all for now. Don’t worry, I’ll keep writing you letters as we grow.

All in all, I hope you’ve found peace.

Time to smoke a bowl and bundle the anxiety about work tomorrow up and suffocate it.

Love always, -J.

[happywitch416]

I'm going to keep asking you: Josephine, idk if I asked about Sebastian or not but if not then it's happening now, Cullen, Sera, Alistair, and Cassandra. I already know your feelings on most but my dude, your opinion is so important to me and also your posts are hilarious.

Did a Seb!

Josephine

How I feel about this character

Josie is that elegant, well spoken lady I dreamed of growing up to be when I was a wee punk. She has mystery! A good heart! Golden. Ruffles. The noble eldest of her family, saving them from doom. I think its fair obvious I am heart eyes gaga over Josie. And she's a gossip! True story, my favorite kind of person. Tell me all the things. 

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Leliana and Josie is probs my favorite ship for Josie. Next would be the not romance with Blackwall. I don't think I have a specific Inquisitor romance for that i like. But imagining her with an ex carta dwarf lady makes my heart feel fluffy. Val may get a cousin.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Also Leliana, i love their friendship? How they pick on Cullen and Cassandra. You know the shopkeepers cry in terror and joy when they arrive. Like yes a sale but oh the standard they demand.

My unpopular opinion about this character

I don't think I have one. Hm. 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon 

I am actually good with her canon. A marriage would be nice in Trespasser. Oh that would be glorious. The flowers alone. 

Cullen

How I feel about this character

Cullen is. He is not my favorite normally. Fandom ruined him for me, #notsorry. Now. I do think he is a character with great potential. I also want that furry cloak thing. I need it.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

I dont have specific ship but there are a couple, as in literally 2, specific pairings that I read. But its more because I love friends writing then because I am googly eyed over noodle head. 

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Therapy. He needs it. Do they have lyrium anonymous? That's what he needs.

My unpopular opinion about this character

That is not a redemption arc. He definitely becomes more selective with his mage distrust/hate. But he doesn't really change from his all mages can't be trusted stance. And the templars were poor mistreated puppies! Yeah no they problematic to bud.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

Him interacting with now ex templars. Growth beyond the dogma and the addictions. It needed more. But kore isn't for boys who are pretty i guess 

Sera

How I feel about this character

Sera is a disaster and I love her. Sera is all of us who saw a qunari lady and also went woof. I like that she's nobody compared to most of your companions. She's a real people. Also eat the rich mentality is just yes. Throw them into the pit. And she brings the inquisitor in as a red jenny? Who else goes after this life, let's have another for you let's go. Her friendship is also so sweet? For all her friends, I don't think she gets friend friends until she's with the inquisition. Also, I totally get how she talks, train of thought is relatable. 

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Dagna!!!! They are just so damn cute. I am also partial to her and my Asa. 

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Iron Bull. Mayhem. I also love her and Blackwall. She gets him. He gets her. Dick jokes. 

My unpopular opinion about this character

She is perfect. And has a valid point. If there is a golden throne whats worse? An ass in it or it being empty? I also like that shes not an elfy elf. So many are doom gloom our lost cause. From like...over a thousand years ago. Can we grow pls

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I want to be a wingman on a Sera and Dagna date. Let me set up my explosions are for bonding lesbians. 

Alistair

How I feel about this character

I was too old for Alistair when I first met him. He's a child. Literally. He's like 19. Thats a baby adult, the boy who didn't want to be king. Also i found this lone blossoming rose amongst the dead things so i took it..for being chantry raised he is not very understanding of miracles. And you gift him dolls. Why did duncan go oh yeah i'll take this one to probably die young. Like why dude. He could have left the chantry with alistair and been like okay here's 100 gold and go that way. You have a good sword arm, become a guard somewhere. Instead of feed the child blood... I also really hate how he treats Morrigan. Wtf man. And yes, she is mean back but to say he was inappropriate when they first met would be an understatement. I'd be a bitch to him to.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

No ships. Oops.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Wynne, he needs a mother. So badly. He needs cookies and hugs and stories. He may not be a child by age, but definitely by maturity. 

My unpopular opinion about this character

Like. My whole ass opinion lol

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I want him and Leliana to discuss that rose lol but i want alistair to grow a spine. He doesn't want to be king. His uncle treated him like shit, tell him no? Walk out on that king deal? Like thats barring sparing loghain bc he does sorta grow a pair then but abandons his duty that supposedly means so much. Why couldn't he have been like nah Anora is the queen why should i take her spot? That i don't want? 

Cassandra

How I feel about this character

I like that Cass is so Cass. Okay. She will fucking punch you in the face but also reads smut. I have found my people. She tries to right her wrongs, and the orders. She is also willing to eat her own words. She believes in people and goodness. While also maybe stabbing people. But she is also so naive? She believes Varric. Honey. Sweetie. He's full of shit and your full of shit meter is broken.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

I don't really have a ship for Cass. Bear with me here, she is married to her work. She believes in it with every fiber in her soul. If she had to choose between romance and what she felt called to, what was right? She would let go of the romance. Which is supported by canon if you romance her and she becomes divine. Love only in glances. The world needs saving after all. And for cass it won't ever stop needing to be saved.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Cullen. She is a good influence on him, that he can do better if he tries, that he is better than he thinks. Also Dorian, their love of books would be a good start for a friendship. You know they read a lot of similar smut, especially if it's terrible. How else do you be mean to it.

My unpopular opinion about this character

I am angry she tried to murder my dwarf. We will go rounds lady. In her defense, I understand why she wanted to stove his head in lol and that's why I don't ship them. To antagonistic for me.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I am pretty happy with her canon.

[multsicorn]

KENT PARSON

LOLZ it’s like you know me

this is so long it’s under a cut

character: hate them | don’t really care | like them | LOVE them | THEY ARE MY PRECIOUS

ship with:  EVERYONE.  literally everyone.  … okay to break this down:

* Jack/Parse is the main thing I write about and think about and have feelings about.  however they are generally pretty sad-trending feelings.  so what does ‘ship’ mean.

* Parse/OC(s) is the thing I actually WANT TO HAPPEN for him, it’s the happy place future I go to when I go that far in my mind; not to get back with Jack, with or without Bitty, but to get the FUCK OVER those wounds, that hook, finally.

* (I have a tendency to go for Parse/Swoops, specifically, cause I’d like the ‘falling for a teammate’ story to work out *well,* and, um, cause there’s a specific set of tags that I started keying that off of that I should go find again - it was on a post about ace Kent Parson, something like #he wants to be someone’s everything #in a very specific way, and.  idk.  it makes a compelling story-seed, for me.)

* Parse/THERAPY is also an extremely necessary thing that I’m not likely to write but I dearly hope happens someday

* PB&J/Pimbits/whatever it’s called is my favorite sort of shippy story, I think; there’s lots of Parse/OC fics that are JUST AS GOOD, but… the overlaying of multiple love triangles, and then synthesizing them into a working system, that happens in the Jack/Bitty/Parse fics that work with the setup there (rather than skipping forwards into ‘when they’re all happy together’)… gets my #feelings well enough that it dragged me into this fandom!….  specifically, I started reading first check, please! fic and then eventually the comic because touchy subject and ain’t licked yet are not only so fucking good but hit my id SO PERFECTLY.  Everyone having feelings about everyone else’s relationships.  Such wonderful emotional ~density!

* Patater is the only popular Parse ship I’m like… why.  (I do buy des-zimbits’ ship manifesto about how they could be good together; but, c’mon, that’s not why, the reason why is cause Tater is the next-most-fleshed-out NHL character who isn’t Jack, and isn’t already fairly strongly paired with someone else, and can therefore be paired with Kent without disrupting any existing popular ships.)  Basically I’ve read some good ones, but most of it seems to be the exact sort of fluff that is why I mostly don’t read Zimbits fic and mostly do read Parse fic!  (And that’s before even getting into #little Russian things that throw me out of the story.)

* But really, just, anyone; I read the Parse character tag on AO3 so I won’t miss the gen fics or the random crack ships, cause sometimes they’re good!  (I think this is what it’s like to be way more OTC than OTP.)

friendship them with:  JACK jack jack jack jack.

Also Bitty that could be so interesting, I want to see them navigating a friendship around their separate feelings/history/etc. wrt Jack, I want to see that #blessyourheart and Parse’s probable answering antagonism (or simply antagonism born out of jealousy) morph slowly into something that’s somehow an actual friendship, that can be really interesting!  And fun!  And I love to see them being petty together, lol; I also love to see them commiserating over why is Jack Zimmermann such a dick, depending on circumstances.  (… I suppose those two can be one at the same.)

So yeah, that’s fun, but Jack and Kent getting back to a place where they can be friends with each other?  Where Jack’s not like ‘um Parson *abort* *ignore ignore*’ and Kent’s not tearing Jack into shreds at being rejected and they can have conversations and maybe some of those mutual apologies alluded to in Shinny and maybe ~closure,~ even?  For the way ‘it just ended’?  The idea of after years of wounds getting to put to rest the bad parts (cause I suspect their relationship was A Mess) and get back the good parts of one of your old best friendships again?  It makes me more #emotional dammit than anything else about this comic.

(the lines I’ve been thinking about here, lately:i said i’d never miss you but i guess you never knowmay the bridges i have burned light my way back homeon the fourth of july~)

there’s something i can’t seem to reduce or explain any further about ‘may the bridges i have burned light my way back home’ that just GETS TO ME.

general opinions: SO MANY.

I love him.  I mean, obviously.  If one takes a look at my blog.

But, interestingly, I’m not quite sure why I don’t read him as abusive.  (If anyone from Glee fandom remembers the way I was about Sebastian…!)  Some of the things he says to Jack in Parse III - ‘you think you’re too fucked up to care about?  That you’re not good enough?  Everyone already knows what you are, but it’s people like me who still care’ - and ‘you’re scared everyone else is going to find out you’re worthless, right?  Oh, don’t worry, just give it a few seasons, Jack, trust me’ - are ABSO-FUCKIN-LUTELY red flags, and I’ll throw down with anyone who says they aren’t.  (I mean.  I hate confrontation, so I probably won’t? but in theory.)  Likewise, coming to Samwell/the Haus in the first place when he seems to know that Jack wouldn’t want to see him if he had a choice about it… is also an awful thing to do, if possibly understandable depending how you write the backstory and decision-making or lack thereof, but also a red flag!!!

I mean, basically, you can read ‘Parse III’ as literally one of the worst nights of his life, and when he’s behaving the worst, as something that’s not much of a pattern and so you shouldn’t judge him on it too harshly; or you can read it as HE IS SOMEONE WHO BEHAVES LIKE THIS, abort abort get away.  I find trying to take what we see and still make someone sympathetic to be a much more interesting story, basically, and the bones of a very compelling one; but in my experience with other characters in other media who have triggered my own pattern matching to be ‘abort abort get away,’ I have utter sympathy and understanding for everyone who has him blacklisted to hell and back, and I’m actually still not sure why I don’t myself!  (of course if I had reacted that way I wouldn’t be in this fandom at all, so I wouldn’t have much need to blacklist him… but ykwim.)

SO OKAY HM WHAT ELSE, cause if I’m listing all of my opinions on Kent Parson I could literally be here all night.

* ‘He never got over it’ may sound cruel but it just so happens to be the truest thing.  Kent’s not really still in love with Jack (though I’m sure he was when they were both 18); he doesn’t really know him, hasn’t really seen or talked to him in seven-ish years, now.  In which they’ve both changed.  But Kent’s in all that time never managed a relationship with anyone else (… probably); never managed to reorient himself sufficiently away from the horrific failure that losing Jack in the particular way he did was.  He never got over it isn’t just your stupid ass, Zimmermann, you’re not that great!, it’s the wound of finding your best friend and lover dying on the bathroom floor (or hearing about it later secondhand, that’s great too), it’s the wound of him not wanting to talk to you or hear what you have to say afterwards.  How the fuck would you get over something like that.

* (so, I mean, that’s why I love Kent.  His STORY is so much more INTERESTING than zimbits’ romcom or the smh team shenanigans; or, well, okay, it’s objectively a different flavor of emotions at least.  And the higher drama and angst quotients there are infinitely more interesting to me.)

* I think he’s a good captain for the Aces, actually.  I think he enjoys parties, getting to interact with lots of people, loves attention and flirting, etc. - and dancing/dance music too! - but I don’t think he’s ~partied~ in a problematic way since maybe his first year on the team.  (Or if he has, it’s in a few isolated incidents.)  He’s generally responsible trying to look out for his rookies and his teammates in trouble.

* AND OF COURSE HIS CAT, who is the love and light of his life, and also more popular on the internet than he is.  There are tons of people who recognize Kit Purrson from her photos but have no idea who Kent is.  He loves it, I’m sure.  =^.^=.

* He is, however, really bad at controlling his own emotions.  (Or should I say, himself.)  It’s fine when this results in impulsive spending, cause he’s a multi-millionaire, it’s fine when this results in being ridiculous or gushing at people, and he IS actually able to keep secrets, though this would probably surprise most of the people who know him but not that well.  (he’s not out yet, so.)  But he says REALLY MEAN AND UNFAIR things to people he cares about when he feels rejected/abandoned (… I’m sure that time in Parse III is not the only time), so, that’s a problem, he knows it gets him into trouble, and I don’t think he’ll learn how to not until, um, THERAPY ~*~.

* HE IS SUCH AN ATTENTION WHORE THO.  Also great at being ~charming.  (see, e.g., the accountant sketch, as well as the epikegster) - and pretty genuine with it!  He LIKES people!

* He is also a FUCKING MESS - possibly not in the #adulting sense, maybe he can feed himself, who knows, but, emotionally - I think he both longs for connection with people, and fears it going south, cause, well.  The last guy he was in love with almost died (almost killed himself? I bet you couldn’t tell from the outside!) and then stopped talking to him.  And very possibly also for reasons predating that incident, too.  Cause if Kent had the sort of relationships he wants to have with people IN LAS VEGAS, then he wouldn’t have crashed the epikegster in the first place.  So: lonely, and dealing with it poorly, no matter how well he’s doing otherwise.  But not sad all the time.  I think that’s all of the important things?

* (I’m not sure where the line between ‘opinions’ and ‘headcanons’ lies, so, yeah, I’m gonna cut myself off here.  Maybe I’ll write ‘my list of random Parse headcanons’ next!  Or maybe not, who knows.  But I would LIKE to.  Everyone wants to know how I imagine his sexuality, his family, etc., I’m sure; well okay, I want to write about it, anyway!  Not only waiting till the times I’ve finished a fic!)

[eldritchsurveys]

o12.

Have you ever sold anything online either on Craigslist, eBay, Amazon, etc.? If not, what is your website of choice like any of the above for buying things? >> Nope. My website of choice for buying things is Amazon, I guess, just because it’s easy and they have so much shit. If the opportunity arose, would you ever go to a nude beach? Do you think you’d be comfortable enough, being naked among others like that? >> Yeah, I’d try it. I suppose it couldn’t be all that bad, if everyone else is nude too. Levels the playing field, and all. But I wouldn’t want to like... sit on stuff butt-naked. Like, that’s the main thing that bothers me about just walking around nude -- I don’t want to put my unprotected parts on stuff, bruh. So... yeah, I guess I wouldn’t stay long for that reason. At least let me put some bikini bottoms on or something, damn. What was the last book you read? What about the book drew you to want to read it (plot, title, cover…)? Did you end up liking it? >> Dune Messiah. What drew me to it is that it’s the second book in the series I’ve dedicated myself to reading, so it was just the logical progression. I did indeed like it. Have you ever considered keeping a dream journal? If you have one, have you ever looked back on it at all of the odd/interesting dreams you used to have? >> I try to keep one, but my dream recall is very sporadic and unpredictable. Sometimes I look back at what I do have, yeah. Do you think regifting is cheap, or is it okay? Have you ever regifted before? >> I wholly approve of regifting. I think it makes more sense to give something to someone who will actually use or appreciate it, rather than hanging onto something just because... what, someone gave it to me? Like, I appreciate being given the gift, because the thought really does count to me, but if I’m not going to use the thing, then why would I let this perfectly good object go to waste just collecting dust in the closet or something when I can give it to someone who’ll actually enjoy it???? LOGIC

How often do you wash your hair? What do you think when you hear of some people not washing their hair for weeks at a time? Is it healthier, as they claim? >> Every couple of weeks or so. --Well, seeing as I’m one of those people, I don’t think much of anything, because it’s normal to me. I don’t care, this is what works for me and I’m going to keep doing it until something else works better. Do you think President Obama should stay in office, or is it time for a new president? >> Damn, bruh. In general, do you like/get along with your mother’s or your father’s side of the family more? >> --- Have you ever seen an animal give birth? Have you ever had a pet give birth before? >> Yeah, and not my pet but my friend’s pet. I’ve also seen a cat eat its kittens! It was very enthralling. What do your plans usually consist of on Christmas morning? Are they the same this year? >> These past two Christmases I was at Sparrow’s parents’ house, and I guess the first time it was novel and exciting, but the second time I was way over the performative-ness and those people and just... blaaagh. But I assume I’ll be doing the same thing this year, probably day-drinking and trying not to talk to anyone. Do you like iPads/tablets or laptops more? E-readers or books? >> I mean, I use my laptops almost exclusively. And when it comes to books, I really don’t give a damn, man. I use both at my leisure. If you don’t get much snow where you live, do you wish you did get more snow? If you do get snow where you live, do you get a lot? Do you like snow? >> Enough snow falls in West Michigan that I am usually quite sick of it by March or so. Also, winter has a habit of outstaying its welcome to a depressing degree, so by May I want to die. LMAO. --In general, yeah, I like snow, but like... moderation, man. If men could get pregnant too, would abortion still be as big an issue as it is? >> Hm. What is something you want to try to accomplish within the next year? >> I’m not sure. Have you ever had to “come out” to your parents about anything (sexual orientation, change in religion, etc.)? How did it go? >> I tried to explain being trans to my father once, lmao. It was actually pretty funny, because I was like, explaining hormone replacement therapy to him, and he was just like “.... hunh.” Like I think he was mostly just confused, lmao. But I mean, in general, I’m an adult. I don’t have to tell him anything about my life if I don’t want to, so it’s not a big deal. Do you ever get drunk by yourself? >> Yeah. Who else am I supposed to get drunk with, besides the people in my head? But I’m mostly over getting drunk, anyway. I mostly just drink until the light buzz now, and then stop there. I’m still thinking about whether getting ritualistically drunk (with Wednesday, for example) is a thing I want to continue... I’m not sure yet. I think if I do, it’ll only be with specific drinks (like maybe this 1000 Stories wine, which I still think he put into my hand in the first place), to further emphasise the ritual boundaries and also to control it a little (liquor is temperamental and the delayed release doesn’t help either, but wine is easier to control). Has there ever been a time where you’ve forgotten something extremely important? >> I mean, yeah, sure. Describe the last time you were infuriated. >> Infuriated... I feel like the last time I felt that way was because of some bullshit in the PixelCount Discord. That’s why I left that shit, I got tired. What’s the most unusual kind of pizza you’ve ever tried? >> I’m not sure. If you were given the chance to decorate an entire house the way you wanted, with no limit to cost, how would you decorate it? >> I’d need some time to think about that. If you could have any kind of lava lamp, what kind would you have? >> Any kind? I’ve never had one at all. What movie do you know by heart? >> I used to know Labyrinth pretty much backwards and forwards, but my last rewatch was a long while ago. I need to get back on that train. I know the songs of The Prince of Egypt pretty well, and some of the dialogue. I used to be good with The Crow but it’s been a long time for that one, too. Has there ever been a time where you thought you were going to be great friends with someone, but it just never happened? >> I don’t think so. What’s one of your favorite things to touch/feel? >> Certain kinds of stuffed animal fur. How often do you wear tights? >> I don’t. If you had to choose, what’s the most important thing in your life at the moment? >> I don’t like to rank things like this. Do you have Netflix? >> I do. How much money would you have to spend before you felt really guilty about spending that much? >> Hell, I feel guilty about spending $2 at Redbox (”but I can just wait until it’s on Netflix, or pirate it!!! this is a Waste” shut the fuck up, goblin brain, life is short). Has there ever been anything you’ve become interested in much later than other people? >> Yeah, lmao. I’m kinda slow sometimes. Why is your favorite TV show your favorite? >> LOL I keep forgetting to mention Metalocalypse as a favourite, too, but man, my feels about that show are legion. I love it because it’s hilarious, but also because I really actually care about this silly fucking death metal band and their longsuffering manager and the Doomstar that will herald their ascension and... just everything. I love that show so fucking much and I miss it every day of my life. Grey’s Anatomy is my favourite because it really hits me in the feels, like... I don’t cry about a lot of things but I’ve cried at half the Grey’s episodes I’ve seen. It just really does humanity well... like, it has some of the most honest and compassionate writing that I’ve ever seen. It’s an utterly amazing and heartfelt and joyful and sorrowful show and I’m so glad I started watching it. Person of Interest is my favourite because... wow. Again, amazing writing, just amazing. Such complex and emotional characters, and the whole Machine thing is just... right up my alley, man. An artificial superintelligence learning to truly appreciate humanity for what it is, like... I don’t know. I don’t know. It hits me right in the gut. I still get choked up about the ending of that show. God. Describe your favorite picture of yourself, or post it. >> I don’t have a single favourite photo. Is there a genre of music that some people would be surprised that you enjoy? >> Probably not, if they know anything about me. Assuming you have a Facebook, if one of your friends posted things that annoyed you, would you be more likely to delete them as a friend, hide their statuses, or just put up with it? >> I’d hide their statuses for a while, but if it got so I was never looking at their page, I’d just unfriend them. What’s the point, then? Have you ever had a veggie burger? >> Of course. Do you like candles? >> Yep. What’s your favorite video game? >> Pillars of Eternity, Dragon Age, Elder Scrolls, Guitar Hero, the list goes on. What was something you liked about today? >> Fuckin H O T GATORADE, god. fucking... god. LMFAO. When was the last time you passed out? >> I don’t know. Do you think “friends with benefits” relationships could ever possibly work without anyone getting hurt? >> I’m sure someone’s gotten it to work. Like, it’s a big world out there. Do you wear more sweatshirts or jackets? >> Hoodies. What was the last thing you had to drink? >> I had like half a Backwoods Bastard. I didn’t even finish it, it’s still on my desk. When was the last time you wore a sports bra? >> The last time I went out. When was the last time you went to a water park? >> Never. Does your best friend live close to you? >> --- Have you ever rode a train? >> I’ve ridden many a train. Where did you get the shirt you’re currently wearing? >> I’m just wearing an undershirt. This Night Vale hoodie used to be Sparrow’s. When was the last time you played Rock Band? With whom? >> It’s been a while. I usually play Guitar Hero because the guitar controller is more compatible with it. There’s a slight difference in how shit registers on Rock Band that messes me up a lot, and I haven’t felt like dealing with it. But I miss the RB songs, so I might try to make it work at some point. Maybe I just need to calibrate my shit. What was the last thing that you ate? >> A pack of those Captain’s Wafers crackers. The peanut butter and honey ones, the best kind!!!! I’m so glad I finally found a Meijer that sells the boxes, goddamn, finally. Who last messaged you on Facebook? >> Uh... probably my cousin Kythe, with another fucking chain IM thing. I’m about to block her ass, lmfao. What were you doing Saturday at 1:30 pm? >> I don’t remember. The last time you were intoxicated, what were you drinking? >> Mango-pineapple vodka and orange juice. It’s so delicious, too, and that’s the fucking problem -- I drink it because it tastes good, and next thing you know... Who last walked you home? >> --- What do you do to help your face from breaking out? >> Wash it. It takes care of the rest on its own. Did you make any new friends lately? If so, what are their names and how did you meet them? >> --- Would you rather see your favourite band/artist in concert with 2 other people or have a free $20,000 shopping spree to Walmart? >> What on earth am I going to buy at Walmart for that much money, lmao... I’d rather spend that kind of money somewhere else, so I guess I’d take the concert. I’d choose a band that doesn’t come to the US often. >:3 When was the last time you went out to eat? >> When I was in Chicago. On a scale of 1-10, how anxious are you currently? >> Er... 1? What kind of music do you listen to? >> The audible kind. What does your perfect day consist of? >> Meh. Do you have any online friends? >> Whatever friends I do have are online. Would you dye your hair red? >> Sure. If your ex wanted to take you back, would you say yes? >> I mean, that’s basically what happened innit lmao :B How is the weather? >> I don’t know, mild, I guess.