#hissing. the hissing wastes. 🐍 <- like that

[dykebeckett]

sometimes a video game with a bad story has a good secret story that you can unlock if you pretend the bad parts aren’t there and make up a bunch of stuff

[thef1diary]

Been thinking about dirtbag! Danny around the holidays. If y'all went to see your family at say a party or something, would he be the perfect little saint? Or would he be his normal self? And when you two "accidentally" get caught under the mistletoe, would he hold back, or would he ravage you right there in front of everyone?

I'm having so many thoughts

-🐍

— why would you choose dirtbag!danny as a plus one to your family’s Christmas party? Well, you thought he was the best, safest option compared to a random date you didn’t know well, he’s the closest thing to a boyfriend without the label after all. 18+ content below

Daniel was supposed to be your safest option, the perfect fake boyfriend to bring home for the holidays. Sure, he was a little rough around the edges, but he was charming when he wanted to be—a people-pleaser with a quick wit and a dazzling smile. Your family wouldn’t question him, and you figured he’d play along without a hitch.

But you’d made one fatal miscalculation: Daniel was a menace, a dirtbag to his core.

As far as your family knew, he was perfect—polite, helpful, even borderline sweet as he laughed at your dad’s bad jokes, helped your mom carry in trays of cookies, and even complimented your aunt’s questionable fruitcake.

But the moment he was out of their line of sight, his true colours shone through.

“You look so sweet when you pretend to behave,” he murmured, leaning in under the guise of whispering something festive. His lips brushed the shell of your ear, his warm breath sending a shiver down your spine. “Makes me wanna bend you over the dining table and see how fast I can ruin that innocent little act.”

Your cheeks burned, and you shot him a warning glare, but his grin only widened. His hand found your waist, fingers grazing just low enough to make your heart race, and he gave a small squeeze before stepping away, leaving you to stew in the heat he’d ignited.

Later, when no one was looking, he cornered you in the kitchen. His hands caged you in against the counter as he leaned in, his lips brushing against your neck, just below your ear.

“Bet you’re wearing something cute under this dress,” he muttered, his voice a low, teasing rasp. “Maybe I’ll find out later. Slip my hand up your thigh while everyone’s busy singing carols. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

“Danny,” you hissed, pushing at his chest, but he didn’t budge.

“Relax, sweetheart,” he said, his grin infuriatingly cocky. “You’re the one who dragged me into this little charade. Might as well make it fun, yeah?”

He stole a quick squeeze of your ass before stepping back, leaving you flustered and furious as he returned to the living room like nothing had happened.

It wasn’t long before someone spotted the mistletoe hanging above the archway, and of course, Daniel wasted no time dragging you beneath it. “Well, well,” he drawled, his grin wicked as the room erupted into cheers and teasing whistles. “Looks like we’ve got no choice, love.”

Danny,” you hissed, your face already flushing as your cousins and parents egged you on, half-laughing, half-embarrassed. “Just a quick one, okay?”

He smirked, tilting his head, the devil gleaming in his eyes. “Quick? Oh, sweetheart, you wound me.”

Before you could respond, his lips were on yours—hot, demanding, utterly unrestrained. He kissed you like the room wasn’t full of your family, like no one else existed. His hands slid down to grab your ass, pulling you flush against him, and he groaned into your mouth, deep and shameless.

Someone gasped. Someone else laughed nervously. But Daniel didn’t care. He kissed you like he wanted to leave a mark, like he needed everyone to know exactly who you belonged to.

When he finally pulled back, your lips were swollen, your head spinning, and his smug smirk was back in full force. “Merry Christmas, sweetheart,” he said, loud enough for everyone to hear. Then, quieter, just for you: “Later, I’m gonna have you bent over your childhood bed, biting that pillow to keep quiet. Bet you’ll be thinking twice about calling me a safe option.”

want more dirtbag!danny? send me an ask with your filthiest thoughts and it’ll get answered during one of my dirty drabble days

[crimsonedquill]

Could you do some headcannons for when they are jealous and things get… interesting? (Gender-neutral MC) If your not comfortable I completely understand, and I hope you have a wonderful day/night!

How they take out their jealousy on you (Hogwarts Legacy)

I'll be the first to admit that smutty HCs are my guilty pleasure, so don't worry, we're good 😅

Tried to make this as gender-neutral as possible, though you know how it is, things always get grey area-ish when certain... body parts are involved. Anyway, hope it meets your request (which I very much enjoyed writing! 🖤)

Content warning: NSFW (18+). Unfiltered smut.

Poppy Sweeting 🦡

Even though you’ve been dating for a while, she still feels that hot sting of insecurity whenever she catches someone leering at you, knowing very well that you could have anyone you want (at the very least certainly better than her)

That said, she usually isn’t very upfront with her emotions, which is why you’re more than a little surprised to hear her request the next time things get hot and heavy between you two

“Could I… be on top this time?” she asks when she withdraws her tongue from your mouth, looking at you with an expression that immediately causes a rush of heat between your legs

You gladly indulge her, if only to see where this newfound confidence is coming from. Hardly any time is wasted in shedding your clothes, and soon she’s mounting you, leaving a trail of slick arousal on your leg as she moves up your thigh

Her movements are sloppy and her rhythm is showing a rather clear lack of experience, though you find yourself hardly in any position to care as she moves atop you with a ferocity so… dominant, using both of your bodies to maximize your shared pleasure

There are hardly any words to describe how she’s feeling. She’s so… in control, never breaking eye contact as she moulds you into a moaning shaking mess

She doesn’t look away even when you finish, wanting to see you come undone before her own climax has her falling apart on top of you

You’re too tired to talk about what happened afterwards, but she doesn’t need to. Softly wrapping herself in your arms, she smiles as she knows that you belong to each other.

Ominis Gaunt 🐍

He hears the way you talk to that Ravenclaw during Astronomy. It’s innocent, but not quite subtle enough to mask the flirtations and suggestive hints

Of course, it doesn’t take long for you to notice something’s wrong when he starts acting all petty, ignoring you and asking whether you’d rather not spend time with “them” instead

The only way to get to him when is being like this is to get right in his face, so that’s exactly what you do, confronting him in a bathroom after classes

There’s a lot of shouting. He reacts to you, you react to him, and within moments you’re exchanging every accusation and insult you can possibly think of

You don’t know whether you’re simply not thinking straight because of your anger or whether it’s the fact that you’re both hot and bothered, but without really giving it any thought you stride over to him, asking him if it’s the insecurity about his own cock that makes him act like a petulant little child (gripping the front of his trousers for emphasis)

That’s all the encouragement he needs. Within moments, he has you on your knees and forces himself between your lips, holding your head as a low, guttural grunt passes through his gritted teeth

He usually takes it slow with you, but this is no time for softness. He grips your hair as he thrusts into your mouth, hissing at you to take it all like the filthy little cunt you are

His release is hot and sudden, leaving you eager to swallow all of him as he braces himself against the wall, moaning your name with a lust that makes you easily forget any ill words spoken between you

After you clean up and leave the bathroom holding hands, you share a kiss and promise each other that you will employ make-up sex as a solution to arguments more often from now on.

Natsai Onai 🦁

You remember well the first time you got a taste of Natty’s particular brand of jealousy. You both felt confident enough to take things a step further after your first couple of dates, and you had been so bold as to conjure a bedroom in your Room of Requirement, having a clear sense of where that night’s events would lead

As soon as your bodies hit the sheets, however, it became clear that whatever control you thought you held was but a figment of your imagination

You feel the ties around your wrists as her lips pull away, a slightly taunting grin masking the absolute excitement she feels at having the so-called hero of Hogwarts right at her fingertips, away from all the flirty looks and comments

She makes a show of stripping out of her clothes, cautioning that she wants your eyes only on her tonight. You ache to touch her, to explore every lovely naked curve, but there’s no use fighting the tight straps

Natty, on the other hand, has your entire body at your disposal. She relishes the control, placing open-mouthed kisses on every bare inch, every single one leaving you just a bit more unravelling than the last

Eventually, she moves her fingers in place to where your excitement is most palpable, the warm throbbing betraying your need

You gasp and twist and plead for her to release you as she gets to work, but she rebuffs every single one of your attempts, enjoying the hold she has on you far too much to let you go so easily

By the time you are falling apart, she instructs you to look her in the eye as she asks who you belong to

“You!” you cry out, and finally she allows you your release, smiling as you shake and quiver until she crawls up to you, placing a wet kiss on your lips before she makes the straps disappear with a flick of her fingers.

Sebastian Sallow 🐍

Of course Possessive Slytherin Bad Boy™ gets jealous easily. It doesn’t take much other than you exchanging a simple look with someone else in the corridors for him to get all clingy and needy.

What many don’t realise is that you love this little part of your relationship. Driving him to the edge with subtle looks and flirtations turns you on more than anything, mostly because it’s always a surprise how far you can push him each time

One time, when you’re taking things a bit too far, you end up having a bit of an argument. It’s not anything serious, but you’re still a bit surprised when he storms you, grabbing the front of your robe as he pushes you against the drawer

“It seems that you need a little reminder,” he snarls before his lips violently crash into yours, robbing you of your breath

You try to get a word in, but he makes perfectly clear there are no words to be said. You gasp in surprise as he turns you around and bends you over the drawer, yanking your trousers and underwear down before you have a clear sense of what’s happening

“Sebastian…” you mutter, but your comment is drawn out by a cry as his palm meets your flesh in a firm strike, your apparent shock met by a content growl

It doesn’t take long for him to drop his trousers and enter you, your hands clamping down on the wooden panelling as you feel him stretching you, biting down on your lip to keep yourself from crying out in unrestrained lust

There’s no love here, no soft passion. It’s raw, primal fucking, and it has you utterly falling apart at the seams

His hand finds its way to your throat as his teeth graze your ear. “You’re mine,” he grunts, and you hardly find yourself in any position to disagree as the feeling of his throbbing inside you rips away any rational thought

His climax is announced by a loud groan, and you find it difficult not to pass out as he claims you as his own.

You’re his, and you’ll gladly be reminded of that.

Imelda Reyes 🐍

It’s not exactly out of character for her to get pissy, but this training session is different. You’re not playing any worse than the others, though you still find yourself on the receiving end of most of her criticism and outbursts, to the point where you decide to confront her afterwards

She’s just getting out of the shower by the time you enter. Her athletic frame wrapped in a white towel, she gives you the stinky eye and asks what the fuck you want

As always, you’re naive enough to try to approach things rationally at first, though it’s clear enough that she doesn’t want to see reason. Only after much meandering (and a lot of creative insults) you get a sense of what this is all about.

You assure her that you care only for her, but she doesn’t believe it. You ask what it would take to convince her. After a few seconds of contemplation, she drops her towel.

Understanding the hint, you move in place on the floor and press your tongue against her folds, the overwhelming taste of her arousal confirming to you that she probably had this in mind from the moment you walked in

You gently fuck her open, using the tip of your tongue to spread her wetness around her lips. She gasps and grabs your head, egging you on with whispered curses and light taunts

But you know how she likes it, and you’re determined to erase every shadow of a doubt from her mind. So you begin ferociously probing her, your hands sneaking around and your nails burying themselves into her arse as she begins whining and pushing your face further into her cunt in a desperate attempt to drive you deeper

You soon have her barrelling towards her orgasm, and she comes with a scream, her juices coating your lips as her knees buckle, her convulsing body only held up by the power of your jaw

As soon as she’s able to walk, you get up and ask if she’s convinced. She only casts you a mischievous smile, telling you that she might need a little more persuasion – her bed, tonight.

Amit Thakkar 🦅

Jealousy works a little differently with Amit. It’s not that he gets mad – his insecurities do, however, translate to performance issues in bed.

After ten minutes of kissing and ‘fondling’ like he’s never touched another human body before, you pull back to ask what’s wrong. It’s only after a lot of effort that he manages to find the courage to confess to you, telling you about his lack of confidence in his ability to please

You’re a bit surprised to find out that he feels this way, but it doesn’t change the way you feel about him. Taking one of his hands into yours, you tell him to follow your lead, gently catching his lips with your own

You take the time to put him at ease as you progress slowly, only relieving yourself of your trousers and undergarments so as to not make things too complicated

He gasps as your fingers close around his length, though he doesn’t pull away, the presence of a steady throbbing signalling to you just how eager he is despite his fears

Stroke by stroke, you feel him growing in your hand, and you gently take his hand to guide him towards your own centre, softly kissing his neck to ease any worry he might feel

He’s clumsy and it doesn’t really feel like he knows what he’s doing, but gradually you both work yourself into a steady rhythm, your breaths meeting in quick gasps as wet sounds fill the room

He’s the first to cum, but he manages to surprise you by working you to your own orgasm soon after, a strained whimper heralding your release as you spill all over his hand

After cleaning yourselves up, you settle against his shoulder and ask about his feelings. He admits to still being afraid, though he knows that with you he doesn’t have to be. You end up kissing and falling asleep in each other’s arms.

Garreth Weasley 🦁

He’s particularly whiny about seeing you flirting with other students. He constantly follows you around, pestering you with stupid questions as you try to work on your potions or practice your charms.

Eventually, you get so fed up with him that you back him into a corner between classes. You take a good few minutes to cuss him out and ask what the fuck his problem is

Poor boy doesn’t know what’s happening to him. He grows red in the face and tries to utter a sensible response, but all that comes out of his mouth is rambling.

His embarrassment, though, is nothing compared to the shock when you suddenly seize hold of the small bulge in his trousers, a wicked grin spreading on your face

He gasps as you work yourself into the fabric, earning a chuckle from you as he instantly grows hard in your hand

The words feel hot to his ear as soft fingers begin to massage his length: Does my Garreth feel insecure? Is my poor boy worried that someone else will steal me?

He braces against the wall, groaning as you pump him mercilessly. You smile and decide to let him in on a little secret: I’m addicted to this hard, beautiful cock of yours. You can have me whenever you want, whenever you like. All you need to promise is to stuff me, to stretch me until I’m swoll with your cum –

He cums hard. You watch him unravel before withdrawing and making a show of cleaning him off your fingers.

You leave him with a lack of breath and a giant mess to clean up. That should be enough punishment for daring to question your loyalty to him.

[hiss-and-vinegar]

sssardonian-ssserpent​:

“HAH! HAHAHAAHHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAH!! YOU ACTUALLY ADMIT IT?! YOU ADMIT TO USSSSING NOTHING BUT OLD OUTDATED STEAM POWERED TECHNOLOGY THAT NO ONE’S USED SINCE THE DAMN 1960’S?! OHHH THISSS HAS JUST GOT TO BE SSSSOME SORT OF JOKE! THERE’S NO WAY THAT A MAN MEANT TO BE AS SSSMART AS I WOULD BE SO FOOLISH AS TO STILL USE SUCH OLD OUTDATED RUBBISH LIKE FUCKING STEAM ENGINES!”

The sound of loud, viciously hysterical laughter only grows louder for a couple of seconds, accompanied by the heavy thump of his tail smacking against the ground from sheer mirth.

“What other fine piecesss of old garbage technology do you sssstubbornly stick to, hm? Do you still shit into chamber potssss and read by candlelight? Ride around in horsssse drawn carriages? Issss your tea still laced with bloody cocaine? Hm?” There’s another heavy chuckling wheeze from him, laced with spite. “No wonder you weren’t able to get anything done down here. Peassssants is all you could scare now with rotten metal pieces of junk like bloody steam engines, it’s as pathetic as it is laughable.” His voice rapidly begins to drop down into a menacing growl, low and full of disdain.

“You fool. You idiot. Of course your machinessss are unparalleled, because no one fucking uses them anymore. There’s no competition for it to be compared to! Maybe when we were alive, but that was nigh on two centuriessss ago! And what have you done sssince, hm? Sure, you’ve gotten out of Hell and essscaped damnation, but I certainly don’t see anything in Hell being under your rule, do I? Ssso that really means that you went and accomplished nothing. Meanwhile, me, on the other hand. Sssure, while I have yet to conquer Hell myssself, I’m still trying, and even then, the ssssscorch marks and bombs and museums dedicated to my name up above in the world of the living will ensure that I’m not forgotten anytime soon. The earth sssstill carries the wounds and scars from when I walked across it’s surface, still cradlessss the untold mountains of bodies I left behind in it’s soil in secret, still has proof to show that I was there, that I made the whole world tremble at the sound of my name. I did more than sssscare peasants who jump at their own shadow, you lowly toothless worm, more than you ever could.”

“Sssso why don’t you sssslither off and quit wasting my time?”

🐍 ARE YOU STILL GOING? I MUST HAVE DOZED OFF WHILE YOU WERE SPEAKING. ALL HISS, NO SUBSTANCE.

🐍 YOU TRAILED ON AND ON AND ON ABOUT YOUR LEGACY, BUT YOU’RE DEAD MAN. YOU’RE DEAD AS THEY COME! AND BY THE LOOKS OF THINGS, YOU CAN ONLY GET DEADER.

🐍 IT SOUNDS TO ME LIKE YOU WERE TOO STUPID TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE STEAM POWER MORE EFFICIENT? YOU TALK LIKE A MAN WHO ONLY EVER SEEKS TO SUCCEED, RATHER THAN TO IMPROVE! DO YOU EVER HAVE FUN? WHAT A BORE!

🐍 I AM AN INNOVATOR, A GENIUS INVENTOR!! THERE WERE LIMITS TO STEAM POWER AT THE TIME, AND I HAVE ONLY EXPANDED UPON ITS USES. IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU GAVE UP THE SECOND SOMEONE ELSE CAME ALONG WITH SOMETHING BETTER. WHAT A LAUGH.

🐍 I THINK WE’RE DONE HERE, I KNOW ALL I NEED TO ABOUT YOUR EXPLOITS. OR RATHER, LACK THEREOF. TRAPPED IN THE SAME FIERY HOLE, AND NOT EVEN LIVING A LITTLE BIT! NYA HA HA HA!

🐍 I’M GOING TO GO LIE ON THE FLOOR WITH MY DAUGHTER. THAT’S FAR MORE ENTERTAINING THAN WHATEVER THIS IS! PLUS, SHE MAKES A BETTER CONVERSATION PARTNER ANY DAY! AH HA HA!

🐍 IS THAT HOW I USED TO SOUND? I'D BLOW ME UP, TOO.

[dontasktheradiodemon]

@hiss-and-vinegar said: 🐍 WASTED??? ALASTOR WAS DRINKING?? HMM! WELL, I SUPPOSE I CAN'T IMAGINE CARNAVAL WITHOUT THAT! I IMPLORE FOR DETAILS, BUT PERHAPS WHEN HE IS NOT SO HUNGOVER...

❌ Too late, I'm asking him about the drinking and telling him you asked, I wanna get to the bottom of this. He's acting WAY too cagey for a guy who just went to a dance.

🎶 "Sure! You know how these fancy parties are, nothing to drink but champagne and wine. Dinner as well. They served jambalaya with cheese on it! Cheese! Can you imagine?"

❌ This is like the fifth time he's talked about the cheese jambalaya.

🐍 ALASTOR, HOW WAS YOUR DEFINITELY NOT A VALENTINE'S EVENING SPENT? NYA HA HA! CURIOUS BESTIES WANT TO KNOW!

🎶 "Oh! Yes. I... went to a ball. A Mardi Gras ball."

❌ I'm transcribing today because he came home at some ridiculous hour totally wasted and he's still hungover.

❌ (Thanks for interrogating him, I've spent all morning trying to find out what the fuck he was up to last night. He came back to the hotel dressed like a fancy pirate and covered in glitter and acting like he was hiding from a murder investigation.)