#his storyline just really being that kid who ran away from his abusive father

[samasmith23]

Diving into The Abyss arc of Donny Cates' Venom!

I'm currently marathoning Donny Cates' Venom run in the "Venomnibus by Cates & Stegman" that I got as a birthday present this year. I re-read "The Abyss" arc published in Venom (2018) #9-12 just a few nights ago (which was the last arc from the run that I originally read back in 2019), and holy FREAKING crap... I had honestly forgotten just how effectively heavy and powerful this arc truly was!

When I first read this storyline back in 2019, it completely blew me away with its sheer amount of shocking twists and revelations, ranging from the backstory of a teenage Eddie Brock being involved in a drunk driving accident in which he ran over and killed a kid, but ultimately got off despite wanting to plead guilty due to Eddie's abusive father Carl Brock violently forcing him to plead innocent, to the revelation that his older sister Mary Brock and past experiences with cancer were actually false memories implanted by the symbiote in order to manipulate Eddie into staying with it, to the fact that he has a son named Dylan Brock who was accidentally conceived during that brief time his ex-wife Anne Weying bonded with Eddie's symbiote and briefly became "She-Venom" during the 90s miniseries Venom: Sinner Takes All.

But re-reading the story now I can look back and greatly appreciate the sheer amount of craft that's on display with Cates' writing in this arc, since he carefully foreshadows all of these plot twists all throughout the arc through subtle hints and double-meanings in the character's dialogue. Aside from the brilliant narrative subversion of fooling the reader into initially believing that Eddie is the kid who's run-over in the flashbacks before pulling to rug to reveal that in actuality Eddie was the one behind the wheel, the twist that Eddie's sister was simply a false memory was expertly foreshadowed through both Carl & Dylan being absolutely confused whenever Eddie mentioned the name "Mary."

Another that I really love about the drunk-driving backstory is how it not only recontextualizes Eddie’s motivations as both an anti-hero and as a supervillain. In regards to his anti-hero persona, Eddie's constant proclamations about wanting to "protect the innocent" were rather ill-defined back when the character received over a dozen miniseries' during the 90s. But here Cates' emphasizes how Eddie's guilt over accidentally killing a kid and being let off due to being manipulated by his abusive father has made him want to try to protect "real innocents" from people like himself. but also during his time as a villain pursuing Spider-Man. As for how this backstory recontextualizes Eddie's tenure as a Spider-Man villain, during in the original David Micheline era in which Venom first debuted, Eddie’s hatred for Spidey was connected to the classic Death of Jean DeWolfe storyline, wherein Eddie wrote a series of interviews for the Daily Globe with a man he believed to be the notorious serial killer, “the Sin Eater,” whilst hiding the killer’s true identity under the guise of “first amendment rights and protecting his journalistic source.” But Eddie was eventually forced to reveal his source’s identity due to mounting police pressure and the Sin Eater’s rising body-count, which led to Eddie outing the Sin Eater as Emil Gregg. But literally 30-minutes later it was revealed that Gregg was just a copycat, as Spidey caught the real Sin Eater who turned out to be policeman Stan Carter, which led to Eddie being fired and refusing to take responsibility for his own failures by projecting the blame onto Spider-Man. Additionally, the Micheline's Venom: Lethal Protector & Zeb Wells' Venom: Dark Origin miniseries highlighted how Eddie’s relationship with his estranged father partially influenced his writing of the Sin Eater interviews in an effort to bolster his reputation, but following his firing permanently destroyed any chances of reconciliation with Carl Brock.

And in those classic stories Eddie constantly proclaimed that he was “once an innocent whose life Spider-Man ruined,” even though his actions as a journalist were incredibly morally dubious and unethical. So the drunk driving backstory of Eddie being violently forced to plead innocent by his father and ultimately getting off? That only further fleshes out Eddie’s inability to accept responsibility and false projection of “innocence” onto himself during his villainous phase in those original stories, while also showing how much Eddie has grown since then by acknowledging that he’s not a “real innocent.”

Plus, there's also a strong thematic through-line in this arc about the nature of abusive relationships in the form of Eddie's co-dependent bond with the Venom Symbiote plus Carl's abusive behavior towards Eddie in the past & Dylan in the present day. Additionally, Cates also touches upon ideas of self-improvement and redemption, not only through the backstory of Eddie's motivation to "protect the innocent," but also through the story ending with Eddie deciding to raise Dylan himself after helping him escape Carl's influence, as well as the Venom symbiote willingly leaving Eddie & Dylan after the former denounces the symbiote's manipulative behavior, with the symbiote proclaiming that it's, "Trying... to... be... better... both... of... you... better... without... me..."

It shows that the key difference between Carl and both Eddie & the symbiote is that Venom at least acknowledges his past monstrous behavior and makes efforts to change unlike his coward of a father, thereby simultaneously allowing Eddie to overcome the demons of his past with his abusive father, as well as making the symbiote's later reunion with Eddie in Absolute Carnage more believable!

Like... hot dang! There's a reason why "The Abyss" arc in particular left such a lasting impression on me when I initially read the first 12-issues of Donny Cates' Venom series a few years ago! Not only does it still hold up phenomenally well from both a narrative and thematic standpoint, but it's gotten me even more excited to dive into the rest of Cates' Venom run and the corresponding Absolute Carnage and King In Black events, which will be my first time ever reading those stories!

However, I do have some thoughts regarding two minor points of contention about Cates' run as a whole and "The Abyss" arc in particular that I've encountered from toxic fandom spaces here on Tumblr that I also wanted to address, which I'll link to right here:

[scarfwere]

WESTWORLD ISAAC . 

[constantvariations]

Jaune and Blake's roles are useless. Bumblebee is useless as a ship. Bumblebee is an abusive ship. Blake has privileges. She is WHITE. Fandom can make her a dark-skinned girl out of her all it wants. She will always remain a white girl with rich parents. Blake has a big house. She has never gone hungry. She had access to a comfortable island life without the grimm. Whereas Yang and Ruby grew up in a place full of grimm and even suffered from them. Blake is almost like Weiss, but she's worse. Blake has prejudices against people in 1v and is unapologetic about them. But Blake poor meow meow everyone owes her an apology for racism and her suffering. Her suffering that didn't happen. Blake has protective and kind parents. Her parents were not depressed or alcoholics. Her parents did not die or go missing. Blake has the perfect family. Blake has a perfect partner (I don't think Adam sent her on dangerous missions) Blake is a good white princess who decided to play activist and ran away when she realized it wasn't a game. I suspect that Jaune also has the perfect family. There is not a hint that he was bullied in his family. He has no hints that he was forbidden to practice. It doesn't make sense for Jaune to run away from home to play the hero. Weiss had to work her way through sweat and literally blood. Jaune just forged documents. If he wanted to be a hero so badly, he should have started training at home. Or he should have gone to Signal (like Ruby) . If he's a descendant of heroes, he should have been trained since he was a kid. But he doesn't do anything. Jaune is like Blake. He just decided to play hero. He doesn't want to make people's lives better (like Ruby). He doesn't want to overthrow his father (Weiss). He doesn't even want to run away from his past and start a new life (Blake). He doesn't want to make a profit (Yang). He just wants to play the hero. He wants to be famous. He's useless.

It is incredibly unfortunate that Crwby decided Blake's backstory was going to be island princess instead of orphan activist, but I don't think it's fair to say her life is perfect because she didn't suffer discrimination directly - which is a take that is entirely up to interpretation depending on how you converge her V1 speech ("You could say I was born into the White Fang [shown with ratty clothes as a youth at a protest]) with her V4 lifestyle (daughter to the head honchos, big fancy mansion on an island with ((supposedly)) very little space, etc). Even if you're at the top of second class... you're still second class. The best a Faunus can ever hope for is silver while the humans get gold from the get-go

Blake Belladonna is a tool of a narrative, written by people who shouldn't go near racial issues with a 100 ft pole. It's not her fault that she is a white girl that somehow has Indian parents, nor is it her fault that her storyline is absolute ass at best. It is Crwby's fault that her pacifism methods/activist history/de-radicalization arc amount to... nothing

A person doesn't need to be personally affected by discrimination to take action against it. The suffering of one is the suffering of all. If everyone only did things according to how it affected them personally, the world would be an incredibly dark place indeed. (Just look at the discourse surrounding the Dragon Age 2 companions. Ugh)

As to Blake's personal suffering... it's really hard to say anything concrete. The narrative of RWBY doesn't give us anything solid, and what little it does give us gets contradicted (see aforementioned V1 speech vs V4 presentation). The only thing we can say for certain is that she suffered at the hands of Adam as a romantic partner, which is Crwby's way of side-stepping the racism thing they created. So, technically, she has suffered as a woman in narrative, not as a Faunus nor a Faunus woman (a la misogynoir)

While there might might be some precedence of emasculation while growing up with an abundance of sisters while being the only boy, but other than that, there is little to suggest what Jaune's family life was like. We don't know the reason he had to forge his transcripts - was it because he failed his classes at a prior school? Did his family forbid him from continuing the legacy for some reason? Did Jaune do it for the funsies? - and therefore it is impossible to determine why he took the path he did, and if there were any alternatives he failed to pursue

Jaune, like Blake, is a poorly wielded tool of the narrative. The writers wanted him to be both Super Special (long standing legacy, cool heirloom weapon, harem protagonist) and the Audience Stand-in (doesn't know shit about Aura or Grimm or... life in general), which makes him an absolute Frankenstein of tropes. Once again, it is not the fault of a character that they're written to be absolute ass

[springday-aus]

Disney Prince!AU with Seonghwa

★ Seonghwa as Disney’s Prince Charming ★

moodboard link

Group: ATEEZ 

Member: Park Seonghwa

Genre: fluff, romance, hints of angst 

part of the Disney Prince Series - could also be a prince!au

Type: Bulletpoint AU 

Word Count: approx. 3k

A/N: I had to spice things up a bit bc after a rewatch of Cinderella, I have realized they have no flavor and got a bit carried away—so enjoy! 

Warnings: family death + mentions of abusive family - you know the classic princess storyline. 

Seonghwa….. is not your average prince

but it’s not depicted in a negative light

so, he’s the prince other nations wished they had

he’s very involved with the state of affairs, often spends time in the villages and conversing with the townsfolk, and often visits schools to read to them or just watch them and it’s so……...wholesome

*cut to him struggling to sit on the carpet with the kids bc his legs can’t fold*

basically everyone loves him because he’s got this angelic aura around him that just makes you feel like you can trust him with anything

and I mean anything

mothers would probably offer him their babies if that was appropriate

he’s just super sweet and tries to remember what he learns in order to take it back and make use of it with the current policies that the parliament is trying to endorse or something

obviously, this is the main image of him to the public

and it’s not fake

but those in the palace know he can get a bit mischievous and sassy

it’s only really seen by those who are close with him, or have been around for a longer time

like assistant!Hongjoong and head butler!Wooyoung

since they’re all close in age and grew up together too, they’re much more comfortable with one another

Hongjoong: *hits his head on a doorway*

Seonghwa: “......... are you an idiot?”

guard!Yeosang and butler-in-training!San: laughing

no, but for real, all of them know he’s basically an angel

the amount of shit he’s putting up with them, but like they make for great entertainment lmao

anyways

the older workers at the palace find him adorable

like when Seonghwa tried to sneak-eat the freshly picked strawberries

“my prince, did you just eat a strawberry?”

Seonghwa with a mouthful of them: “no”

he’s like the grandson they all want (and are trying to get, but we’ll get to that later)

other than his charities and visits and public outings, he’s also known to be a good horseback rider

like real good

Wooyoung: “this is the most princely we’ll ever see him”

he’s kidding, but he’s also not kidding

bc lbr: Seonghwa in a horseback riding fit with the shoulder pads and the helmet and the wind and

Wow

many gather to see him in his glorious, sweaty state afterwards

it’s funny bc he’s so handsome and there are times when he’ll acknowledge it and other times when he doesn’t

especially since the ateez boys just ignore him or tease him

now it just depends on how he feels that day as to how he’d react

since he’s got such a good reputation, you know what that means?

lots of treaties and lots of marriage proposals

on one hand, many nearby countries know how nice Prince Seonghwa is—and some thought he was naive enough to be deceived by them

and that led to a few wars, but they lost real bad bc they assumed he was too nice

when, in actuality, he’s very knowledgeable since he takes a lot after the king and the queen

that allowed much more respect for the kingdom, especially since he’s the first in line for the throne once he’s married

which leads to the second thing: he gets lots and lots of marriage proposals

have you SEEN him?????

do you know how CAPABLE he is????

helloo?????

anyways

the royal family kind of milks this—not in that way tho

it’s in the sense that it’s because they want him to find someone soon and there’s more time for them to learn the ropes about ruling a kingdom

that means lots of balls are thrown in hopes of Seonghwa finding someone to ~catch his eye~ and whatnot

but Seonghwa just uses this as a diplomatic advantage, you know? like a chance for him to meet other royals and build these relationships

and while he has good intentions, the rejected royals are kind of bitter, but they know better than to mess with the Royal Family

meanwhile, party planner!Yunho is lowkey racking in the dough from these events, so he’s fine throwing all these balls lmao

this is where you come in

but, it’s not how others might think

so, you used to be the daughter of a well-of-ish family—you had money for a house and caretakers who adored you and you with parents who loved you dearly

you lived in your own little bubble of love

but then your mother died

when she died, it was almost as if she had taken the lively atmosphere of the household with her

your father buried himself into his work, rarely making time for you anymore and…. there was a drift

one day he came home with a mysterious woman, proclaiming her as your stepmother

along with her came her two daughters, who were as ugly outside as they were on the inside

while you could have done without her passive-aggressiveness, it was nice to see your father happy

but lo-and-behold, you lucked out and he died on a business trip, leaving you alone with strangers to become your only family

it only got worse from there as they openly started to mock you, shame you and push you beyond your boundaries

as they could no longer pay for the staff, they also forced you to clean after them, cook for them, and make all the arrangements that they demanded

or, as your oh-so-lovely stepmother said “you’re below us and you will always be below us”

at first, you put up with it because there’s nowhere else for you

but, slowly, the idea of running away was starting to sound better

and the opportunity came as the palace was starting to look for more servants who would stay in the servants’ quarters

you immediately packed away your things, which wasn’t much to begin with—your mother’s locket being the major trinket you possessed

and ran off to work as a housekeeper, who hid away behind the palace walls and the public eye

since you clean for the palace, it also means cleaning after the balls

other than television appearances, you never really saw the royal family

even as you did work in the palace because……………. they’re running a goddamned country

but, of course, there are rumors and gossip with the other housekeepers which all come from reliable resources

**cough cough definitely Wooyoung cough cough**

so there’s a lot of what you heard, not really from what you’ve seen, despite what some might think when working in the palace

that was until you were called to work at your first ball

which meant you were cleaning after the tables and in the kitchens, going in and out of the ballroom and between dinner tables

getting glimpses of some of the royals

and picking up on some of their juicy conversations

(apparently this one duke almost had an affair with this king’s secret mistress… all the tea)

anyways

you get the point

every once in a while you have to work at the balls when they need the extra help

but, there was one that was…………. different

a lot of the balls are for the royals to take and engage and whatever, but there have been so many and Seonghwa………….

Seonghwa hasn’t been interested in a single one despite the purpose being to help him find someone

Hongjoong: “what’s wrong with them?”

Seonghwa: “there’s nothing wrong with them, I don’t want just someone”

Seonghwa: “I want it to happen naturally—call me old fashioned but if this is someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, it has to be someone who knows me”

Wooyoung, in the corner: “that is old fashioned, hasn’t he heard of tinder?”

advisor!Mingi: “I don’t think it would be a good look for the country if the prince is on tinder”

guard!Yeosang: “we should test it out”

butler-in-training!San: “omg reverse pretty woman”

Hongjoong: “everyone get out, you’re all useless”

okay, but like real talk: he’s such a romantic and the whole unofficial arranged marriage is just………. too much

so, his parents were like: so, you want more options?

Seonghwa: “not what I said”

and they expanded the invitation list for one night, meaning ANYONE had a shot with Seonghwa and

well

he is very popular, so you can imagine how many people were planning on coming and the staff (i.e. you) had to prepare for everything

for the week, the castle was bustling and you were running around to help out and it……. it was all so insane

and then it happens

you’re minding your own business and working and eavesdropping as one does when one works

because everyone is there and who doesn’t love listening to drama that isn’t just from fancy people

but since everyone is here

you failed to remember that a certain group of people were also there

the group of people being your step-mother and step sisters

instinctively, you ducked and hid, moving away from the main room that was swarmed with people who were all trying to obtain Seonghwa’s attention

(who was also trying to hide from everyone else and instinctively failing)

eventually, you found yourself in the gardens, where you tried to make yourself busy

but it ended up being a small walk through the gardens, picking up the occasional liter and small talk with the gardeners

the garden is huge, so you get a bit lost as you wander—physically and emotionally

meanwhile, Seonghwa managed to escape from the others with the help of the other ateez boys

major shoutout to Yunho and Jongho, who insisted on leading the cupid shuffle and cha cha slide

also Yeosang for blocking off people who were trying to shoot their shot with a tired Seonghwa who did not want any of this

he ended up in the gardens as well, walking down a small path with Yeosang trailing a bit farther behind

he spots you on a bench, admiring the flowers under the bright moonlight

and you were absolutely breath-taking

not wanting to disturb your peace, he tried to leave

only to knock into a garden gnome and catch your attention as he tries to not break it

You: “um”

Seonghwa: “I’m so sorry, I was just going to leave, I didn’t mean to disturb you”

You: he looks familiar

You: “I know you from somewhere”

Seonghwa: literally in the most extravagant suit and sparkle make-up as he’s still crouched on the ground trying not to break a gnome that cost like $5 at a Target

also Seonghwa: “have we met before?”

you exchange names and that’s when it clicks

You: “OH MY GOD. MY PRINCE.”

immediately, you try to curtsy or bow or whatever the royals make you do to the ground bc Seonghwa’s still at ground level

and Seonghwa’s just…………. scrambling to try to get you off the ground with flushed ears at you calling him your prince

Seonghwa: “please, you literally do not have to”

You: “I don’t want to be beheaded”

You: “plus, isn’t it like, illegal for me not to?”

Seonghwa: “well, I’m technically giving you orders not to…..”

You: well, can’t argue with that

you slowly get up and dust yourself off, unable to look at him in the eye

even from the corner of your eyes tho, you can see what the fuss is about

bc Seonghwa in that suit and hair swept back is hot™

You: “Prince,  I apologize if I’m speaking out of line, but shouldn’t you be inside?”

Seonghwa: “couldn’t I ask you the same thing?”

You: “but this is in your honor, not mine”

Seonghwa: “is it tho?”

Seonghwa: “I keep telling everyone I would like to fall in love on my own and yet………. everyone keeps meddling and making plans and now everyone in the kingdom is after me when I’m just trying to do my best for our citizens”

you’re a bit silent, unsure as to how to respond

Seonghwa: “I’m sorry for just dumping this on you, but, everyone keeps telling me I shouldn’t be so worried”

You: “well, Prince, I think what you need to hear is that your feelings are valid”

You: “it’s only natural for you to want to find someone on your own—freedom is something everyone wants, which is why it’s so hard to obtain”

there’s a bit of an awkward silence

for one bc you didn’t know what he was really like and if you were allowed to say something like that

two being that you didn’t know if you should leave

but he speaks up

Seonghwa: “you’re right—I did need that”

the air loosens a bit between the two of you

Seonghwa: “so, are you also hiding from an influx of suitors?”

you laugh a little, playing like a twinkling melody to Seonghwa’s ears

You: “no, but I am hiding from people”

Seonghwa: “it’s okay, you don’t have to share if you don’t want to”

you two get to spend a bit more time together, just chatting and getting to know one another

he’s really sweet, but also kind of goofy with a handful of cheesy pickup lines that definitely comes from spending too much time on the internet but also Wooyoung

the time is short but sweet

bc, before you know it, it strikes 12 and Hongjoong has a hold on him by bulldozing past Yeosang who just blinks at the small gust of wind

Hongjoong: “Seonghwa! your parents are looking for you! we gotta go!”

he greets you hastily, before grabbing a hold of Seonghwa and dragging him away—in which Seonghwa is still trying to get one last look at you before you disappear off into the night

or, in your case, back to the kitchen to avoid your stepfamily

the rest of the night passes as expected, at least for you as you busy yourself with washing dishes in the kitchen

but Seonghwa found himself like a mercat, poking his head around trying to find you every once in a while

the time you’d spent together was short, but it was the most fun he’s had at these balls

and it showed, as noted by Hongjoong and Wooyoung with the week that followed after

he was spacing out, wondering what could have been if things were different

basically, homeboy was sulking bc he didn’t know when he could see you again or if you had someone or if you were even interested

Hongjoong: “how are we supposed to help him when we don’t even know who it is?”

Mingi: “didn’t you get a glimpse?”

Hongjoong: “I was busy with other things”

Wooyoung: “so you didn’t even ask for a name?”

Yeosang: “it’s (Y/N)”

all the boys:

Hongjoong: “how do you know that?”

Yeosang: “I was eavesdropping”

San: “um—”

Wooyoung: “wait, we know (Y/N)”

Yunho: “so am I throwing another party or?”

Wooyoung: “we can find (Y/N) first and then throw a party”

so, they kind of hunt you down to where you’re cleaning for the day

and Wooyoung asks you about Seonghwa

lowkey bc he wants the tea but also bc he wanted to make sure you’re not one of those insane people that are completely obsessed with him

(considering what he had to witness during that last ball)

and after passing his vibe check

he sends you to the library “to clean”

which is odd because you already cleaned it for the week but

Wooyoung: “I’m technically your boss, so go”

You: weirded out

also you: “okay”

little did you know, Seonghwa was already there, occupying himself with some new books while Hongjoong and Yeosang were keeping an eye out for you

who was lowkey trying to hide in the shadows and failing miserably bc of all the goddamned windows

Seonghwa spots your shadow, quickly getting up and following you

Seonghwa: “wait! (Y/N)?”

you turn around, a bit startled from the call out

Seonghwa: “I thought it was you”

you give a small bow to greet him

You: “my prince”

Seonghwa: “you can just call me Seonghwa”

Seonghwa: “I didn’t know you were here”

You: “I didn’t know you were here either”

he lets out a small chuckle

Seonghwa: “I meant I didn’t know you were staying in the castle”

You: “I’m not just staying here, I work here prin��Seonghwa”

Seonghwa: “well I guess that makes finding you a bit easier around here”

You: “you were looking for me?”

Seonghwa: “well, I like your company”

You: flushed

Seonghwa: “do you enjoy mine?”

You: “I’d be glad to bask in your presence”

and for a moment, it’s just the two of you

*cut to Hongjoong and Yeosang high-fiving in the back*

after that, the two of you spend more time together

it’s cute bc Seonghwa also likes to clean (which explains why there were never housekeepers needed for him)

so it means he also helps you clean and still have fun doing it

speaking of which, you got to find out how domestic he is and it melts your heart every time

especially when he’s interacting with children who visit the castle

so you can tell he really wants a family

bc he’s so good with kids and knows how to take care of people and what more can you really ask for

he’s also a great listener 

like he really knows what you need based on what you tell him

and when you opened up to him about what happened at home

he was just such a big sweetheart about it, asking if you’re okay and checking with you emotionally and it 

I LOVE PARK SEONGHWA SO MUCH 

anyways

so his parents did find out bc Wooyoung has a big mouth and def blabbed to San and everyone else in the goddamned kingdom who knows Wooyoung

rip Seonghwa

also rip everyone in the kingdom who found out bc again

Seonghwa is very desired amongst many

which also led to a lot of jealous people who gossiped about you but jokes on them bc you still have Seonghwa at the end of the day and they have jack shit :) 

back to what I was saying 

when his parents found out, they were totally accepting of it considering how happy the two of you are

(also you were lowkey fearful they were just gonna straight up kill you bc you aren’t royal, but also, they’re good rulers who care about people) 

which also meant they wanted to train you to help him run the kingdom but that’s a different story

anyways, prince charming!Seonghwa is indeed very charming

and gentlemanly and all that other good stuff

[nanaosaki3940]

Enji Todoroki/Endeavor  - The Social Disaster

MHA’s one of the main subplots is the Todoroki family story which we all know it as ‘Keeping Up With The Todorokis’. This subplot is deliciously complicated and the root of these complications is none other than Endeavor or Enji Todoroki himself.

And I’m going to explain why I call him ‘The Social Disaster’.

After failing to surpass All Might, Endeavor started his stupid breeding experiment where he’ll create a child to use it as a weapon to surpass All Might and become the No. 1 hero and the first weapon he created was called Touya Todoroki. At the very beginning of the training sessions with his son, Endeavor filled Touya’s head with dreams of becoming No.1 hero, be greater than All Might, that he was the destined one to carry out his father’s legacy etc. And then one day Endeavor stopped everything and just gave up on Touya, saying – “No, you can’t. You’re worthless, you can’t do this one thing I told you that you’re gonna be able to do your whole life and so you need to just get the fuck out of my face. Stop doing it. Go be an accountant and just give up.”

From birth Touya was told –“You’re gonna be this great thing. You’re gonna be this Hero Hokage.” and then Endeavor’s like – “Oh sorry, you’re not going to be that Hero Hokage.” and we see that Endeavor’s spending the whole time telling his son like - “Go hang out with your friends and go be normal.” And Touya says – “Well, everyone at school wants to be a hero too.” To me, it’s kinda looping back into Deku’s situation in reverse, like where Deku wanted to become a hero but he was quirkless and Touya also wanted to be a hero, but he can’t tolerate his own flames.

And then Endeavor came up with this shitty idea like – “Oh, you know what will make him stop, if you get him a fucking replacement.” which is maybe the worst idea I’ve heard in my whole life of how to resolve a problem like this.

To me, Endeavor has seemingly no understanding of how people work beyond just – “Oh, this is how I solve criminal cases.”

During his engagement with Rei, he looks and talks like such an awkward idiot and I feel like the way he treats Touya and the way he tries to handle his situation, just proves that how bad he is in understanding what he is doing and how his intentions affects reality.

Even though he is a grown-ass adult and he should know, it's interesting to see that there is this sort of consistency because I believe the implication is that it is his social idiocy that also caused him the No. 1 spot that he could never really become the people's man like All Might because he just doesn't know how to be a man of the people like All Might. And this is how it infects all parts of his life.

He's telling Touya to stop out of concern for him like – “You need to stop this because it's just not good for you.”, which is a very sweet sentiment. But at the same time, we get the panel of where he says – “We got to have another kid to make him stop doing it because then he will give up.” And Rei says –“No, we're not going to do that.” And his response is –“No, we gotta do it because he is never gonna be the one to surpass All Might.”

Then they have Natsuo and we see Touya’s reaction to it and it’s obviously that he’s not taking it very well and then we just see Endeavor getting more and more angry and Rei is getting more and more sad and defeated by the whole situation and when they have baby Shoto, the faces of Endeavor, Rei and Touya physically upsets me. We get to see Endeavor looks really excited, Rei's just like –“I’m done, just stop.” And Touya is so devastated because he realizes that this is the one that's gonna be better than him.

Shoto got what they wanted out of him and we see Touya saying like –“I can still do it.” and the end result is just the dad saying like; it's not even like –“Let's do things together other than being heroes.”; it's more like –“You got to give up on being hero, go play with other kids, go to school and get the fuck out of my face. I gotta train this other hero child. I don’t have time for this shit.”

Endeavor has a line of logic within his brain where he's like –“I can’t fix Touya for what I have done to him cannot be undone because I don’t have the capabilities, so I will just move forward and hope that he copes up.”, which is a terrible and stupid idea, but it is nonetheless align of logic within him.

There’s a certain set of values, ideas and goals in him and he follows them through and they were all terrible and reprehensible. But it still shows that there was an internal logic to him that it makes him even more monstrous without taking that terrifying humanity away from him.

Endeavor is just a person who has done terrible things, with an actual logical line of thought behind it even if it is logic that only makes sense to him.

There’re a lot of obvious parallels we can make between Touya and Deku (they’re not subtle about it and it’s kind of in our faces). Well it's just interesting to me that like Endeavor his whole obsession is like –“I gotta be better than All Might.” And then even in situations like this where he has this protégé that he gives all this hopes and dreams to like –“You're gonna be great, you're gonna be a hero, you’re gonna be the greatest.” And then the child has this power that his body cannot handle and he can't do what the dad told him to do, Endeavor is just like –“Well then, you suck kid. Get a new job, idiot.”

On the other hand, even though All Might is far from perfect in a lot of ways of course when it comes to this but it’s the exact same thing but he understands that like having these aspirations and these dreams even in someone so young is so real. And we know that All Might feels bad about what happens to Deku, but at no point does he tell him like –“Okay, give it up kid. You still can’t do it more than 5% without breaking your arm. Give it up idiot. I’m gonna give it to somebody else.” Like at no point does that even cross his mind. Rather All Might tells Deku –“Look, you gotta work to do. You’re not up to that level yet but I’ll help you and I’ll do it with you.”

And that’s true that Touya wanted to be better than All Might which wasn’t realistic but he was also a child and rationality and setting realistic goals comes much later than being a fucking child. But Endeavor was so obsessed with his own shit that it was hard for him to get over his own hang ups and look through Touya’s problems. Touya could easily still be a hero if he accidentally singes his skin a little bit sometimes that’s not even close to the kind of damage that Deku does himself every time he fights anything. So, it’s not unrealistic to be like –“Okay, yeah I’ll help you and we’ll take it slow. We’ll help you get over your power and then when you get to school or whatever, you can get help from the tech department and make you a heat shield or whatever.”

There were many ways that he obviously could’ve worked around it but Endeavor didn’t give a shit about that because that wasn’t his goal. He’s goal wasn’t to nurture Touya rather his goal was to find a way to get past All Might. He didn’t give a shit about trying to take it slow or trying to help Touya to accomplish anything other than what he wanted and once Touya couldn’t do that, he’s like –“Get the fuck out of my face while I train this replacement child.”

Endeavor is a kind of a person who makes every single mistake it could have made, like starting right from the point where he buys a wife to the point where he tortures Shoto during training sessions. Like you all can tell that he almost like wanted to be a parent when he was like –“Oh, I need to protect Touya from his own power.” He vocalizes a sweet sentiment but also he’s the reason Touya is like this and he can’t just run away and that’s why I like what Rei says as well it’s like –“You just keep running away. You keep creating these problems and you just keep running forward to All Might but also you keep running away from what you have done.” And I am so happy with how Rei is characterized like she is so much more spunky and so much more like assertive than I thought. Like she actually talks back to Endeavor and even in the hospital scene, she has like a presence and says –“You know we will do this. You need to get yourself together and we need to atone together, but most of all you because you were a piece of shit.”

And I also like the little thing at the end where Shoto was like –“I talked with Mom before we came here and I told her that I was going to be the one to stop Touya, but no, we’ll stop him altogether.” To me it sounded like it was Rei’s idea where she was like –“No, you can’t let this piece of shit make this your problem.” I mean Endeavor was always running away. He ran away from Touya and all this stuff happened. He was ready to do it again in the hospital, saying that –“I can’t fight him, he’s my son and I can’t do it.” But Rei was like –“No, get up and take some fucking responsibility for your problems.”

And I love that it was Rei the one who came to that conclusion, because even Shoto was ready to be like –“Dad can’t do it. I’m destined to stop my brother.” And she was like –“No, it’s this asshole’s problem. He did this and yeah all of us could have done more but you can’t let him sit in a bed and wallow about being so pathetic. He needs to get up and he needs to solve this.” And there's no better character it could have been to have been the one that came to that conclusion.

And this is what I love about MHA that how sincere it is and what I mean by that is moments like these where it doesn’t really go out of its way to play into any specific tropes when it comes to this abuse storyline and instead just gives you hurt people moving past and making decisions that sounds reasonable. Like the fact that Shoto didn’t just go on the avenger mode but instead talked it over with his mother which usually doesn't happen in shounen manga/anime. When you decide on making a revenge plot in shounen, you just do it. You don’t go and talk to someone important in your life and seek emotional counsel in shounen. So yeah, I love that Horikoshi sensei is giving us mature and realistic contents like these.

Then in chapter 302 we see Rei asks Touya like –“It almost seems like you don’t want to really be a hero, like you don’t seem like you actually care about becoming a hero. It just seems like you’re obsessed and stuck because Endeavor is your dad and you feel like you have a legacy to live up to but he is abandoned you.” And of course Touya’s responses were like –“Fuck you, mom. I fucking hate you.” But she was right. If Endeavor just hadn’t been such a pig headed shit in dealing with the problem, Touya either would have grown up to the point where he realized it was not worth it or if he really wanted to be a hero, Endeavor could have actually helped foster him into one if his entire end goal wasn't dependent on Touya being the best one.

Did Touya need to be the greatest hero ever created?

No.

Because in their last real conversation, before Touya ran off to the mountain and got burned up, he said and acknowledged the fact that he wasn’t as good as Shoto right now, but he said –“One day, I might become great and you’ll be proud of me.” Touya wasn’t even there saying like –“Oh, I’m the greatest thing ever born. Look at my awesome fire. Oops I burned the mountain down.” It was just him being like –“Look, I’m still trying. Look at this cool thing I did. Acknowledge this one thing that I did.” And Endeavor’s only reaction is – “Shut the fuck up, kid. You fucking idiot. How many times I tell you not to do this?”

But when Touya does get burned up, it shows us Endeavor’s face in horror running to the mountain which again is so bizarre. Honestly I’m starting to wonder if we will get an Endeavor back story ‘cause his set of morals and values is so fucked up.

The issue is Endeavor does care, but he just doesn't understand how to care. Like on a base level, he has the positive emotion of caring about Touya’s well-being and that is about where it ends. Endeavor has no comprehension of what that means or how to do that in a good way.

Every idea he thinks of how to fix it is stupid and he's even obsessed with the notion of like –“When Touya uses too much of his fire, he burns himself. So, I guess he has to never ever use his power ever forever from now.” I mean this goes beyond ‘I'm socially awkward around ladies’.

I almost think Endeavor’s previous family was just nothing prior to him and he fucking hated that. This is probably edge dark turn for what they might end up doing but I’m going almost like the Hawks route like –“Dad was a drunk, mom didn’t give a shit and they fought all the time. I was the scared repressed kid, but then at school or whatever it turned out I was actually pretty awesome and I became popular to some extent by both like athletic and corporate events. I was cool for that aspect so I’m used to being around people but I have no understanding of how they work at all.” That’s my assumption.

Even when he keeps trying to apologize to his family it always comes off like –“Yeah, I’m a bad guy and you hate me, so I’m gonna buy you a house that I won’t live in.” I mean, you’re still not really trying are you? You’re just moving the problem ‘cause you just like –“Oh, they’ll just be happy without me. I just suck. I’m just going to go away.” But like, you’re not helping them heal up or whatever. You’re just like ‘I’m going to be nice now’ but that doesn’t make all the horrible shits you did go away.

Endeavor doesn’t have an understanding of how humans work just because of how he is, but now I’m really curious to see if there might be more behind that. I just want to see why he’s so obsessed with All Might, like where that came from.

The character he’s obviously a parallel to is Bakugo and with Bakugo, we do get to see that since his youth Bakugo equated being a hero and the triumph of being a hero with being as good as All Might. That is very light as far as his motivation goes but it’s a motivation nonetheless.

With Endeavor, we’ve only ever gotten as far as like –“He is strong and I’m weaker and that pisses me off.”

It's almost idolization in a different way where we’re like with Bakugo, it’s like –“That’s my goal. I want to be just like All Might.” Whereas with Endeavor, it's like –“That's my goal 'cause I’m pissed off that I’m not the best of the best.”

They both idolized him in similar ways and Bakugo obviously feels more socially adjusted than Endeavor. Even though Bakugo’s a dick, he’s aware of things and is surprisingly emotionally literate. Like the scene where him and Deku get in trouble after they fight in end of season 3, they're like cleaning the house or whatever and Bakugo makes that little reach out of like –“Hey, the fighting style you’re using is messed up for these reasons, so you should try doing this.”

Like that alone is way beyond anything I would ever expect that of Endeavor. Endeavor’s response when they were cleaning the house would have been like –“Don’t worry, I’ll move my room to a different floor, so we won’t have to talk anymore.”

Endeavor’s a fucking weirdo, I swear.

And also Endeavor’s like actual motivations of becoming No.1 hero are almost intentionally omitted from the whole Todoroki family subplot and it’s so uncanny. I’m really hoping that Horikoshi sensei actually does something with that cause I think it feels so shallow compared to how much time we've spent on it now exactly and I feel it’s intentional and we are going to get something more about Endeavor. It feels like one of those gaps that an author leaves specifically so you can question it until it fills you in.

[killingitreservoirdogsstyle]

Hey, can you please write some trans related headcanons for trans Mr Pink? I wanna know what you think about it! <3

Hi! Thanks for the request, I’d be happy to fulfill it! Let me know if these aren’t great, and I’ll rewrite them for you to be better!

Quick trigger warnings for transphobia and gender dysphoria. I don’t write about these lightly, nor am I baiting or sensationalizing. I am gender-fluid myself, so I understand what it is like first hand. I will put asterisks where these trigger warnings come into play, so you can skip if you need to.

. I LOVE the idea of Mr. Pink being female to male transgender, I think it works really well. But I also like to think that’s he’s fluid too, not ascribing to the concept of a single gender.

. He first realized that he was a boy when he was young, around fourteen years old. I headcanon that Pink was raised by Joe Cabot when he ran away from an abusive home in Brooklyn, and he met the senior Cabot while trying to steal a briefcase of cash from him in Harlem. He was impressed, and took the boy under his wing. By this time, Pink had changed his name and mostly transitioned into a male.

. But the weights of phobia and violence against him and his community were heavy to bear, even now in the timeline of the movie they are. The Reservoir Dogs have been a great way for him to gain positive attention though, as all of them are LGBTQ+ like him.

. By the time of the film, he’d already had reassignment surgery. He doesn’t regret it for a moment, NEVER. He is who he is, which took him awhile to accept that. Despite how cool and confident he comes off as, he had to grapple with that for years. Remembering that nobody but him could make him change was crucial.

. I gave each Dog without an official name one, so I think that his name would be Jeremy Davidson. He uses he/him primarily, but doesn’t mind she/her or they/them in the right circumstances, just ask and he’d be happy to clarify.

. This is going to be slightly off topic, but I believe that Orange is also FTM too. So him and Pink can relate to each other on that front, often having discussions about it with each other while the others are asleep.

. He takes testosterone and has had the operation, but Pink can’t have kids. He’s fine with that in all honesty, he’s not a huge fan of children anyways. And if you did want kids, then you’d have to adopt or use a surrogate to achieve that.

. I’ll give you some examples of how Mr. Pink would react to a t r a n s partner, friend, or child, to kill three birds with one stone. Apologies, I just wanted to put this in.

. Firstly, let’s start with if you were his child. Oh my gosh, he is over the moon to find out about it. He was always worried that you weren’t happy in your body, and if you were not the sex you were assigned with at birth, how you’d feel about that. He understands how hard it is, which he would NEVER wish upon you for a minute. He will do whatever he can to make you comfy. This includes never messing up your pronouns, helping you change your appearance to fit how you want to look better, buying you a binder or bras, and calling you by a new name if that’s what you’d like. All around supportive dad, who will walk through hell for you to make sure you’re happy.

. Same thing if you’re his lover or friend. He doesn’t care about the sex of his partners, being bi, so you don’t have to worry for a second about him leaving/hurting you over it. He’ll come out to you too, letting his walls down to share a heartfelt moment with you. If you’re scared, worried, or depressed about it, he will be there to make it all better. You’ve never seen him so affectionate and attentive before until then. Like in the child/father situation, he would do everything he could to help you. That’s just the kind of person he is, despite how much bravado he uses.

. Overall, I love this headcanon. It totally fits, works, and doesn’t change the storyline one bit. ( and even if it did, I would NOT mind ) I mean, it’s obvious that the Dogs and Eddie aren’t straight or cisgender for a moment, that is undeniable. So this headcanon is perfect!

Thank you @johanz for giving me this opportunity! I loved the request, and let me know if you all want to see more! Happy Holidays everyone, and stay tuned, requests will be coming soon as fast as possible. Being under the weather sucks though, so please don’t hate me, lol.

Any hateful comments will be deleted, and you will be blocked if you continue.

[sarahjtv]

BNHA Chapter 302 Spoiler Thoughts: Y’all Need Therapy

Part 2 of the story that started last chapter and THINGS GOT WORSE!!!  I’m crying through the pain.  There’s a lot going on in this one.  Lots of guilt, lots of abuse, lots of crying, but thankfully some gleam of hope at the end.  A broken family can heal.  This is a step in the right direction.  Though, I’m already seeing the BNHA fandom going up in flames because everyone’s playing the blame game.  I hope I don’t end up accidentally stepping on that landmine after posting this.  Here we go (thoughts are based off summary translations by @redandblonde420 on Twitter and panel images are from @BKIS2327 on Twitter!):

(OP Note: Please don’t DM me with your complaints about my opinions on the Todoroki Family matter.  It’s bad enough that this storyline has people getting pissed off at each other for taking different sides.  The last thing the BNHA fandom needs is more conflict amongst ourselves.)

Chapter 302 picks up where we last left off.  Enji and Rei managed to stop Touya from attacking Shoto (it’s not explained how) and the whole family except from them are asleep.  Enji tells Rei that he doesn’t want any of the kids anywhere near Shoto anymore in fear that they would try to harm him.  Enji also fired a servant because he was so busy at work and he asks Rei to not let Touya out of her sight.  The other reason why Enji won’t watch over Touya himself is because Enji’s presence would only be a constant reminder of the hero world to Touya.  While Enji thinks he’s protecting Touya, Rei says he’s just running away.  A few things here:

1. I get not wanting Touya anywhere near baby Shoto since he did try to kill the tyke.  Touya was pretty much bent on his hatred for his little brother at that point that even seeing him stroked his dangerous jealousy.  But, I don’t know about Fuyumi and Natsuo.  Neither of them showed any hatred towards Shoto (and still haven’t as far as we know).  They’ve shown no signs of violence or anything that would imply wanting to hurt Shoto.  So, why keep them away too?

2. This is probably going to be the start of me getting shit on by the fandom, but I think Enji and Rei are both right.  We saw in the last chapter that Enji did legitimately care for Touya to the point where he tried to convince him to leave his ambitions of being a hero primarily so that he would stop hurting himself.  Just Endeavor being there is a reminder of the hero world.  Which would only provoke Touya more.  And Endeavor can’t just leave his job; he was the #2 after all.  At the same time, Enji is running away from the problem by not trying to talk to Touya more and helping him to control his flames at least.  He was trying to save Touya from himself, but he was also ignoring the real problem.

3. Side note (and because I just 💙 Shoto), the manga panels show baby Shoto sleeping on his little bed with a frosty snot bubble coming out of his nose 🥺!  Not only is it adorable, but it seems like Shoto had his quirk since he was very young. 

Time skip 5 years later!  This is back when Shoto was being dragged along by Enji while watching his siblings play ball WAY back in Shoto’s Origin chapter what a throwback, Horikoshi (Season 2 Ep. 10 in the anime; I think Chapter 39 in the manga)!  Fuyumi is 12 yrs old, Natsuo is 8 yrs old, and Touya is 13 yrs old.  So, that confirms that Touya is 1 year older than Fuyumi, Natsuo is 4 years younger than Fuyumi, and Shoto is 3 years younger than Natsuo since Shoto was 5 then.  God, they looked so cute back then!  I’m honestly amazed how freaking TALL Natsuo is at 8 YEARS OLD!  He’s taller than Fuyumi here and probably Touya.  Someone put this kid in the Haikyuu!! universe and teach him volleyball!  He’d be great, I know it!

We see a few panels of what is basically a remastered version of what we saw during Shoto’s Origin story.  Shoto really wanted to play ball with his siblings, but Enji wouldn’t let him 😭.  I know Natsuo and Shoto try to play ball in present day in the 5th(?) light novel.  Natsuo plays it properly, but Shoto accidentally smacks the shit out of it ��.  It’s a very bittersweet scene and I suggest you guys read the translations of it if you can find it.  *AHEM* Anyway while Shoto is looking at them with sadness, Touya is looking back at Shoto with malice in his eyes.  Touya clearly still hated Shoto...

Next, we see Touya trying to talk to Natsuo in bed.  While he admits that he was wrong for trying to attack Shoto, he thinks Enji is to blame as well.  Ok, Enji lit Touya’s figurative flame, but Enji did not attack Shoto.  That was all Touya’s doing.  Had he listened to his father and not been so driven to jealousy, he wouldn’t have attacked.  Enji did a lot of things, but he did not provoke that attack.  

Natsuo was too tired to listen to Touya talk, so he suggested that he talk to Fuyumi instead.  Touya thought that Natsuo was the only one who could understand and he didn’t talk to Fuyumi because “all the women in the family were no good”.  OKAY, I don’t know if this is straight up sexism  or something else, but goddamn Touya.  That is-, that’s not okay.  At all.  Respect women pls, my dude.  Hell, Fuyumi and Rei probably would’ve been a good people to talk to back then.  

One day, Touya is trying to leave the house probably to go train again.  Rei tries to convince him to play with his friends instead, but of course Touya refuses.  Because Rei feels shackled to her marriage, she wants Touya to look at a world outside of heroism so he can be someone he really wants to be.  This is basically what Enji told Touya before and Rei’s echoing his words.  And they are right, but Touya’s too driven to really think of anything else.

Touya gets mad and starts insulting Rei.  He says because his mother sold Rei to Enji, she’s conspiring to all of this.  Touya’s losing his mind and Rei’s scared of him.  I want to point out that one translation I read say that Rei’s mother’s side of the family was actually poor so Rei was actually bought via money like I remembered.  But, that doesn’t mean she intended to hurt Touya.  

Next panel reveals that Touya was born between Jan. 1st and April. 1st.  We know Dabi’s B-Day is on Jan. 18th based off his profile page.  Though, this could be a lie for all we know.  The guy’s still a big mystery.  Anyway, Touya’s fire is growing stronger and finally turns into that iconic blue fire.  When his emotions are heightened his flames get more powerful, but he starts crying too.  Enji learns of Touya’s secret training and gets mad at him again.  Touya just wants to prove that Enji was right for creating him.  Touya’s gone completely insane at this point.  The fire that Enji lit could not be put out.  It was too late at this point.

And the abuse... JFC...  Enji was mad at Rei for letting Touya train and he abuses her (looks like he hit her).  Little 5 yr old Shoto steps up and tries to stop his father from hurting his mother.  Fuyumi and Natsuo are hiding and crying, and Fuyumi is covering both their ears.  Rei reflects that she chose to be married to Enji and she truly thought she could have a family full of laughter.  Th-this just hurts.  No emoji can express how awful this situation is.  Enji looks like a monster in these panels (we still don’t know exactly when the abuse started, but I think it was either after Touya tried to kill Shoto or here when Rei failed to stop Touya from training).  Shoto’s crying and yelling at Enji to protect his mom.  His siblings too if you think about it.  Even back then, Shoto was a hero even when he really shouldn’t had been.

The present goes back and forth with the past here.  Touya waited for Enji to come see him train, but he never came.  Rei also ignored Touya even though she knew of his problems.  Touya was truly alone on that mountain.  And here’s where Rei’s blame comes in.  She was a good mother, I think.  But she did ignore Touya when he needed her most.  She kind of ran away too.  

Back to Dabi, he reminisces of how he faked his own “death” back on that mountain after Enji didn’t show up.  He didn’t know how to stop the fire because Enji only taught him to increase the fire.  Touya started a whole wildfire.  The whole place turned to ash.  Enji tried looking for his son, but was devastated when he couldn’t.  Gotta say, these panels are brutal.  Like, Tenko Shimura’s Origin chapters were dark, but this is a different kind of dark.  

Back to the present.  Enji says that after Touya “died” he didn’t know what to do other than to focus on Shoto (the panel shows a dark figure of Enji looming over a sad Shoto similar to that image of Overhaul looming over Eri because she wasn’t saved yet).  Rei got more disgusted just seeing Enji and she started seeing his shadow when she saw her kids, specifically Shoto and Natsuo (maybe because Natsuo is more built like Enji?).  Fuyumi and Natsuo blame themselves for not doing anything and thinking things were okay even though they knew what was going on.  Natsuo still blames Enji of course because Enji started this all.  And I can’t say that Natsuo’s wrong, but Enji doesn’t shoulder the whole blame.  And yeah, Fuyumi and Natsuo were still just kids when this happened, but a little extra push from them could’ve helped.  It’s just the “It’s my fault” game with the Todoroki’s except for Shoto.

Natsuo’s taking a big hit here.  He was closest to Touya and if Natsuo took more action to help Touya, Dabi probably wouldn’t have been born.  Touya could’ve even treated Shoto to some soba 😭.  That’s a nice thought, Natsu, but we all know what did happen in the end.

So, Rei concludes that everyone is shouldering some blame towards their family’s problems and that it isn’t completely Enji’s fault (this I agree with).  Even so, Rei says that his family would still help him get back up even if he fell.  Coming from Rei, the woman who was abused and put in a mental hospital, this is saying A LOT!  We saw some of this back in the Pro Heroes arc (Endeavor Vs. High End), but here it’s said out loud.  Even a family as broken as the Todorokis can still heal. 

Rei then calls Shoto the family hero as if it weren’t for him going to UA, making friends, and taking action to repair his family, then none of this would’ve happened.  There’s a page that shows present day injured Shoto at the center and that iconic “IT’S YOUR QUIRK, NOT HIS” scene from the Sports Fest. in the background.  TDDK or not, this is such a damn good throwback!  I love everything about it.  Again, Shoto’s the family hero, but Izuku’s the true hero in all this.  If he didn’t meddle with Shoto’s family problems, then Shoto and his family would still be a broken mess. Izuku might as well be an honorary Todoroki at this point 💙💚

Endeavor is still crying hard (the man’s literally shook) and Shoto finally speaks (his speech bubbles are shakey, so his voice might be raspier than usual).  Shoto talked with Rei about how he plans to face Dabi on his own.  Rei said “no”.  Shoto concludes that everyone’s going to help stop Dabi, including Enji.  The panel shows Shoto LITERALLY REACHING OUT to Enji!!!  His face shows that he’s still kind of reluctant, but this is a sign that Shoto’s is close to forgiveness.  He’s not there yet and he can turn back whenever he wants.  But, this is Shoto’s choice and I’m so freaking proud of him.  I love this ❄️🔥 boy so much, guys 💙😭!  

The final panel shows Haws and Best Jeanist outside of Enji’s hospital room and they heard pretty much everything.  Very similar to how Bakugo accidentally eavesdropped on Shoto and Izuku back in the Sports Fest haha!  Neither of them look mad or sad, but more contempt I think.  Massive problems in the Todoroki family that’s lasted over 20 years is finally being fixed.  Shoto rebuilding his relationship with his family was good, but THIS is a big step since it’s not just Shoto taking action.  It’s the whole family.

Wooo... I think that’s it.  Again, the Todoroki Family storyline is one of my favorites in the BNHA series.  Probably the most controversial and dividing, but still damn good.  I feel bad for everyone in this family.  Everyone but Shoto feels some kind of blame and ultimately they are at fault here to some degree.  The biggest ones are obviously Enji and Touya himself.  Rei’s also a big reason why things went wrong (she really could’ve helped Touya more), but not NEARLY as much as the big two.  Shoto’s the only one who isn’t at fault at all yet he’s still willing to step up to the plate to help his family.  Again, I love this kid so damn much 💙!  I’m sorry if I missed any details btw.  I might make edits to fix them when the official release comes out on Sunday.  

TL;DR Version of Last 2 BNHA Chapters:

[holyhellpod]

Heyoooo, it’s another episode of Holy Hell! This one is dedicated to the manchild himself, Dean Winchester. 

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Transcript below!

CW: discussions of child abuse, child death, suicide, alcoholism, family trauma, mental health

[Music]

Dean Winchester is, in a word, my soulmate. I started kinning him when the show aired in Australia on Fox8 and I have not been the same since. From his devil-may-care attitude to his undying love for his family that pierces the veil of death to save the day, he really is the most. I have to say at the beginning that this episode of Holy Hell will not include discussions of Dean’s sexuality and gender. I’m saving that for its own episode, so stay tuned my pals.

What we know of Dean as he develops over the course of the first episode is: he’s been hunting, and hunting alone, he’s 26 years old, he drives a sweet ‘67 Impala, he wears an old leather jacket, he listens to 1980s metal, and he has an arsenal of weapons and supernatural fighting talismans in his trunk. He’s also a smartarse, one of his most endearing qualities. He gets defensive about their mother and her death, and he defends their father over and over. He’s a loyal son and brother. The impetus to bring Sam back into the hunting life, after Sam decided for good that he was going to leave, is to bring his fambily back together.

The quality that defines Dean Winchester is how much he loves he loves his fambily. In the first episode, he is so worried about his father that he recruits Sam to help look for him, even though Sam and Dean haven’t spoken in two years, and Sam ran away to college rather than continue to live with their father.  He spends most of the first season defending their father, but when John comes back and starts arguing with Sam, Dean protects his brother from John. It’s one of the most significant examples of character growth Dean undergoes throughout the entire series, and it’s where his loyalty shifts from John to Sam.

In the episode of season 2, “Croatoan,” Dean decides not to shoot Sam when Sam contracts the Croatoan virus which turns people rabid and makes them kill. In the next episode, “Hunted”, Dean reveals that John told him to kill Sam if Dean couldn’t save him. But Dean doesn’t. He says that John begged Dean not to tell Sam, but it’s not John’s words that keep Dean silent. It’s his love for Sam and Sam’s wellbeing. And this brotherly love slash codependency is used by characters throughout the entire series, from the demons in season 1 to the literal character of God in season 15, to manipulate Dean and Sam. As many characters have pointed out, including Dean and Sam themselves, they are each other’s weak points.  

At the end of season two, when Sam dies from a stab wound in his spine, Dean trades his own life for Sam’s. He makes a deal with a crossroads demon—his soul for Sam’s life—and subsequently dies and goes to hell at the end of season 3. Dean literally dies a gruesome death and spends forty years being tortured in hell because he couldn’t live without Sam. At the end of Season 8, Sam is dying from the effects of the trials, which he undergoes in order to close the gates of hell, and Dean convinces him to stop because, again, he can’t live without Sam. Sidenote: this is where I stopped being interested in their brotherly dynamic to the point of losing interest in the show. It became clear to me that the showrunners were more concerned with rehashing the same tired storylines between Sam and Dean than focus on characters who could expand the world and make the show better. In fact, they killed a lot of the interesting side characters in order to keep the show solely focused on the brothers. The exception to this is Castiel, and the reason they kept Cas around is because when he died in season 7 the ratings tanked. If that wasn’t a clear enough sign that the showrunners needed to open up the show to more than just Sam and Dean’s caustic dynamic in which they die and kill for and then betray and lie to each other over and over, then I just don’t know what the fans could have done to convince them. Nothing, apparently, because they ended the show with just Sam and Dean.

Dean’s relationship with John is fraught with insecurity and codependency. Dean has so little sense of self that what he does consider to be his carefully curated list of likes and dislikes were inherited directly from John: his car, his leather jacket, his hunting abilities, and his music taste. He also throws himself into hunts without any regard for his own safety, because he doesn’t believe that he is worth saving, or that his life is worth living. His personality is crafted from both John’s reliance on him as a son, hunter and partner in crime, and the woman he assumes Mary to be. Dean’s sense of self-worth relies on how many people he can save. This is why, in season 2 episode “What is and what should never be,” Dean’s dream reality is one in which he’s a low life loser who disappoints his family—because without John pushing him to be a hunter, Dean doesn’t save people, and because he doesn’t save people, he isn’t worth anything. Bear in mind that this is the best reality Dean’s mind could conjure for him: one in which his father is dead, and he himself is not worth saving.

In one of the most famous exchanges, he asks Cas why an angel would rescue him from hell, and Cas replies, “What’s the matter? You don’t think you deserve to be saved.” Twenty-nine years of bluster, insouciance, and a give-em-hell attitude crumbles in two sentences, wrought by a being Dean refuses to believe exists because, again, he doesn’t think that he deserves to be saved by them. He says, “[Why me? I don’t like getting singled out at birthday parties, let alone by God].” He thinks of himself so lowly that he accepted a one-year deal in exchange for Sam being alive. Dean cares so much about his family he lets it kill him.

But it’s not just Sam, Mary and John. Dean’s family grows to encompass a number of side characters: most notably Bobby their surrogate father, Charlie Bradbury the hacker, Claire Novak, Jack Kline, and Lisa and Ben Braeden. Even Mary makes another appearance in seasons 12 to 14. Unfortunately, because the show is the way it is, Dean puts Sam above all of these side characters, and then these characters are written out of the show. I should specify that Cas is not a side character; in most seasons, Misha Collins is billed as a main cast member, with his name appearing after Jensen Ackles in the credits. But he still dies in the third-last episode in order to have the show stay about the brothers. Even Jack, inarguably Cas and Dean’s son, is written out of the show in the second-last episode after dying multiple times. I say inarguably because I am not gonna argue with anyone about this. Claire and Jack are Dean and Cas’s kids. Dean and Cas are great parents who chaperone Jack’s prom and buy Claire her first hunting bow. They’re all one big happy, queer, neurodivergent family.

Dean loves the people in his life with reckless abandon. The times he’s excused Cas’s behaviour after Cas has done something ridiculous or foolish are too many to count. He grieves Cas’s multiple deaths, often succumbing to his alcoholism and entropy whenever Cas leaves him for more than a day. In a truly beautiful scene, Dean wraps Cas’s corpse in a curtain and watches, utterly and completely devastated, as his body burns. By this point, they have done so much for each other that it’s impossible to even envision the show without Cas, and indeed imagine Dean without his love for Cas. And we don’t have to for very long, as he always comes back a few episodes later. Even knowing this, the episodes where Dean mourns Cas are so heartbreaking and haunting that I cried for days after watching them.

Dean is great with kids, and every time he’s not is completely the fault of whoever is writing him in any given episode. We see him bonding with Lisa’s son Ben in season 3 and 6, Jesse in the season 5 episode “I Believe The Children Are Our Future,” and Lucas in the season one episode “Dead in the water”. With every child he meets, Dean gets on their level, empathising with them in a way most adults can’t. Like Claire and Jack, Dean has a complicated relationship with his father, who dies in the beginning of season 2 after bargaining his soul for Dean’s life to the demon that took their mother. Just like anyone else’s life, right? Must be Tuesday. This means Dean can relate to most children with traumatic backgrounds involving their parents, as a victim of parental abuse and having his mother die at age 4. I can’t find any sources to back this up, but a theory that rolled around in fandom was that Dean became mute after Mary died, which is what happens to Lucas after his father drowns. He says in “Dead In the Water” that he loves kids, and it’s true. As one tumblr user put it, Dean wanted to be baby trapped.

Dean carries the deaths and pain of his loved ones with him like Atlas carrying the world on his shoulders. When Claire is bitten by a werewolf, the characters administer blood of the sire wolf that bit her in order to cure her of her lycanthropy. Dean has to leave the room while she’s in pain, because he can’t bear to watch her die. The same goes for when Jack dies. Thankfully, Claire lives and Jack comes back a few episodes later.

When thinking about Dean being a father, I’m reminded of that scene from Scrubs when Dr Cox says he’s worried about being a father because his own dad was an abusive alcoholic. The difference between Dr Cox and Dean is that Dean doesn’t have his reservations about raising kids. He fits into Lisa and Ben’s life easily, at least for the first year, and we see a montage which includes him teaching Ben how to fix cars. When Claire lets her guard down enough to hug Dean, he hugs back just as hard. When he finally deals with the trauma of Cas dying in season 13, he accepts Jack into his life, and even grieves Jack when he dies. Dean escapes the intergenerational trauma that plagues his family by being a fantastic dad to the random kids who happen into his life by chance. He was born to be a father, and the fact that this show took that away from him and us as the audience makes me want to kick the showrunners into the sun.

Until season 6, Dean’s family only included men. The concept of the nuclear family—two sons, a husband and a wife—was ripped apart in the prologue of the first episode when Mary dies. Dean doesn’t know family for the first 5 seasons of the show outside Sam, John, Cas and Bobby. I do consider Ellen and Jo to be important to the story, but they’re only in a handful of episodes and die in season 5 for a reason that is plainly ridiculous. Did the Winchesters have to lose every single person in their lives to the fight? Clearly Kripke thought they were going to be cancelled after the fifth season, because it shows. And honestly? Maybe they should have. Let’s retroactively cancel the whole show. It can’t hold power over us anymore, because it’s dead and we cremated it.

But when Dean moves in with Lisa and Ben, he discovers a new type of family he didn’t have before, and new family dynamics. Instead of the 28-year-old son that Sam is to him, he takes the opportunity to teach Ben about cars and spend time with him and Lisa without the need to hunt. He gets a job, he makes some friends, and he lives the safe, apple pie life he begrudged Sam for in the pilot episode. It’s only when Sam reappears in his life that Dean’s codependency strikes again and he realises that he can’t live half in the normal world with Lisa and Ben and half in the hunting world with Sam. Sam says this himself in the first episode of Season 6, “Exile On Main Street”. Despite the ways Dean tried to settle down throughout the rest of the 9 seasons, the showrunners ultimately decided a man who was healing from trauma and alcoholism, who had adopted two kids as his own, and was learning how to bake cakes for his son’s birthday, deserved to die at the ripe age of 40, a week or so after he’d learned that his best friend was in love with him. You gotta laugh. Instead of getting the ending both Dean and we deserved—which was Dean settling down, opening a bar, and living the next forty years in relative gay peace while he got fat and watched Cheers reruns—well, we got something else. And I will always be bitter about that.

While it’s clear from the first season that he has reckless and suicidal tendencies, he doesn’t stop fighting to the bitter end. Even when faced with his own impending death in the season 2 premiere, “In my time of dying,” he fights to stay alive for Sam and John, while working the mystery that is overcoming his own death. Devastated as he is by Sam diving into hell at the end of season 5 and seemingly gone for good, Dean still gets up everyday and makes a life for himself in Lisa’s home. While season 6 was overall a bummer of a season, just god-awful in every aspect, saved from my complete vitriol only by “The French Mistake,” it did show us how great a dad Dean can be, and readied us for what was to come—being Claire and Jack’s dad. The lengths he goes to for his family are immense and all-consuming. As Cas says in “Despair”, Dean is a being of love. He loves everyone else, even when he can’t find it in him to love himself. He really thinks that he’s just a killer, not a father or a husband.

I’ve never subscribed to the idea that we have to love ourselves before we can love anyone else, or before anyone else can love us. Sorry Rupaul, you old bitch. We are all deserving of love, because love sustains us and helps us grow. And when we don’t know how to, it’s through loving others that we can learn to love ourselves. If Dean knew what a great father and friend and husband and brother he is, if he could see himself the way others, in the show and out of it, see him, I think he’d burst. You don’t like getting singled out at birthday parties? Well tough shit, Dean Winchester, because I’m gonna devote an entire podcast to you.

I talked about Dean’s carefully curated list of likes and dislikes before but I’ll go into more detail now. Things he likes: guns; rock and roll; nice cars; women; fighting; scamming people at pool; back alley blowjobs, probably; pie; driving across the country; Ozzy concerts; cowboy movies; being in control of every little thing in his life. His dislikes are: flying on planes; hair metal; angels and demons; anyone who harms his brother, his best friend or his kids; boredom; and being jerked around.

Okay I literally cannot talk about the cowboy movies without mentioning that he makes Cas watch them with him, in his Deancave, and the implications of that make my head roll off my body and into the dirt. Like they literally have gay little movie nights and watch their gay little cowboy movies together and Dean says all the gay little lines. I said I wasn’t going to talk about his sexuality, but mentioning cowboy movies leads to Cas wearing a cowboy hat and saying “I’m your Huckleberry.” This makes me insane. Excuse me, I must have my daily scream.

Okay, I’ve collected myself. Have I? Let’s just move on. In the Winchester tradition of inherited family trauma, Dean gets all of John’s interests, and Sam gets all of John’s mistakes. Dean’s personality throughout the show is basically quippy remarks, pop culture references, laughing with food in his mouth, and grouchiness. In case you haven’t realised, he is amazing to me. Every time he fires a rifle or pistol? Couldn’t be better. Eating a burger made of out donuts? Fucking incredible. Even when faced with beings with untold power, he doesn’t lose his cool. One of my favourite exchanges is when Zachariah comes to Chuck’s house in the first episode of season 5, “Sympathy For The Devil,” and starts soliloquising at him, Dean tells him to “cram it with walnuts, ugly.” Cram it with walnuts, ugly. It’s been ten years and that still makes me laugh. Top ten Dean lines for sure. Like all of my main characters throughout the years of writing original fiction are just “Dean Winchester but girl,” and I’m a good writer, but I can never come close to the level of hilarity that he achieves. And every single writer on the show seems to get that. The only times I can think of where Dean’s characterisation has irked me on a writing level are in season 6—basically the entire thing—and the way he treats Jack in the later seasons, specifically late season 15. But it’s really rare for me to watch an episode and not enjoy Dean. Even throughout the Mark Of Cain era, which I loved, when things were very serious, he had such style and panache and held himself so confidently that I was like, wait maybe he made some points? Maybe he should kill everyone?

Dean is a hunter and a killer, but that’s not all he is. He’s very skilled in hand to hand combat, weaponry, and tactical manoeuvres. Even when something doesn’t go exactly to plan, he’s usually able to improvise something to end up with a win. Because he is the main character, his choices and reactions, while sometimes extremely problematic, are never questioned, and that’s to his detriment. In the last episode of season 14, “Moriah,” Dean is unable to kill Jack, but in early season 15, he treats Jack’s betrayal as Cas’s fault, because he can’t take it out on Jack. Cas leaves, but it’s framed as a good thing because Cas is Jack’s father, and has to take responsibility for what Jack has done. In this instance, I don’t blame Cas at all. Okay I rarely blame Cas for anything, including the things he’s done wrong, because no he didn’t and you can’t prove it. But he especially didn’t do anything wrong when Jack killed Mary, and he didn’t do anything wrong by killing Belphagor. But by the middle of the season, in the episode “The Trap,” Dean admits his wrongdoing in taking his anger out on Cas, one of the only people who loves him without conditions. You’d think this would be a defining moment of character progression, but then Dean chooses to act exactly the same way by throwing Jack under the bus. Like, throwing him harder, under a bigger bus. So what was the point.

Anyway, those are choices the writers made, and not Dean.

Going back to what I was saying about being neurodivergent, Dean has adhd. I know this because I have adhd, and I’m Dean-coded. He’s wildly creative, impulsive, has a touch of OCD, and he has a hard time making long-lasting friends, although this is mostly due to how all his friends die. His best friend is an autistic angel and the only reason they’re still friends is because they’re obsessed with each other, in like a really unhealthy way. One of the funny things about his and Cas’s relationship is that every time you see them in the same shot, Cas is standing perfectly still and Dean is constantly moving. They are almost complete opposites, aside from their queerness and neurodivergence. But then, I haven’t met a single queer person in my entire life who isn’t neurodivergent or disabled in some way. That doesn’t mean we can’t live perfectly functional and normal lives, it just means we’re better than everyone else.  

Dean also exhibits black and white thinking—to him all felons are redeemable and all monsters should be killed. Felons are redeemable because he himself is a felon, and monsters should be killed because they all do monstrous things. When faced with the possibility of angels being real, he refuses to believe it for the first two episodes, because, as he says, “he’s never seen one.” Eventually he learns how to see in shades of grey and not kill every monster he meets, but this is because of his time in purgatory with Benny, his Cajun vampire boyfriend.

Another sign of Dean’s ADHD is physical sensitivity. In the season one episode “Bugs,” he comments on the shower’s water pressure. Like it’s a big deal to him, when he’s only ever used 1-star motel room showers. In the later seasons, he’s also seen to wear a fluffy robe and soft pajamas with hotdogs on them and socks that say “Send Noods” but noods spelt like noodles. And so he should! Dean deserves comfort! He’s a special boy.

ADHDers often have problems with executive function—remembering appointments, cleaning up after ourselves, showering, eating, even going to the toilet when we need to pee. The hunting life excludes Dean from the normal functions of usual life, such as dentist appointments, dropping the kids off at school, meal prepping for the week, or turning up to a job on time. These were only factors in Dean’s life during the gap between seasons 5 and 6 when he lived with Lisa and Ben, and it’s not shown how his executive dysfunction impacted his suburban, settled life, but Lisa does mention that Dean drinks a lot. It’s another thing he inherited from John, much as I did my alcoholism from my father, and my adhd too. But Sam doesn’t drink to excess more than a handful of times over the entire 15 seasons, whereas Dean subsists on alcohol to get through the day. At one point in season 11, I’m pretty sure, don’t fact check me, he is shown to be drinking a beer at about 10 in the morning, because, as he says to Sam, “You drank all the coffee. What do you want me to do? Drink water?” Dean your liver must be quaking.

Excess is a common problem for people with ADHD. We have problems with limiting ourselves—because our dopamine machine broke, anything that gives us a little bit of high—such as sugar, sex, alcohol, stimulants, any kind of food that is bad for us but tastes real good—we usually have it in excess because we can’t help ourselves. In the season 4 episode “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester,” Dean eats the entirety of the candy in the Impala. The only reasons I don’t eat everything in my fridge every day is because, one, I don’t have the money, and two, it’s all ingredients I have to prepare and not ready-made food. Whereas Dean has only known fast food for the first 10 or so seasons until he starts cooking and baking and settling into domesticity. Like anyone who gets UberEats every day instead of cooking for themselves knows how expensive that is. He also engages in meaningless sex, although people have pointed that Sam actually gets more on screen action than Dean. But I know a lot of amab people who engage in casual sex with randos because it satisfies a base need. Dean could be classified as hypersexual in some regards, but I know what hypersexuality feels like and it’s like this overwhelming miasma where you can’t think about anything except how horny you are, and I don’t think Dean has that normally. Maybe when he was a demon in season 10, but generally I think he can control himself.

His settled life in the men of letters Bunker is a far cry from his flashbacks in season 8 to Purgatory. From what we know of purgatory, the land of gods and monsters, it was a year-long monster hunt, but without any of the boring paperwork. Dean got to fight and kill as many vampires, ghouls, leviathan, etc as came his way, which is why it’s absolutely ridiculous that he died by rebar in a vampire fight. He spent an entire year spilling blood and chopping off heads, day and night, and he dies by metal bar to the spine? And he’s not even coughing up blood? Andrew Dabb, I’m coming for you. Of course purgatory is the perfect place for Dean because it’s constant adrenaline, constant excitement, constant stimulation, which is what every day life lacks. Even Dean’s every day life is like, 20% monster killing and the rest is leg work. They go weeks or months between cases, and sometimes don’t find the monster at all. So I’m not surprised he gets bored easily and drinks. Would if I could too, my pal.

Which leads me onto Dwelling. Dean dwells on the horrors of his life in a way I do and my carefree older brothers don’t. In the season 4 episode “Heaven and Hell,” he reveals to Sam that he remembers his entire forty years in hell, and there are flashes of his memory littered throughout the season in creepy, split-second increments. He dwells on the people who die, doing his thousand-yard stare into the funeral pyre of everyone they cremate. In the most egregious display of dwelling, he rewrites history TWICE to deal with his grief — in season 8 he makes himself believe that it was his fault Cas didn’t come back from purgatory with him, and again in season 13 he invents the story of Jack controlling Cas to deal with his grief over Cas’s death. His PTSD twists the truth until it becomes another way to torture himself, because if someone gets hurt it’s on him; everyone who loves him is just one more person to disappoint.

On a lighter note, Hyperfixations, equivalent to Autism special interests, are a common trait of ADHD. Some of Dean’s hyperfixations include: hunting in general; cowboys and cowboy movies; the musical Rent; the movie Braveheart; larping. He loves dressing up and acting, and what is putting on a monkey suit and lying about being a Fed if not larping? Oh god the meta of that coupled with the season 4 episode “The Monster At The End Of This Book” is making my head hurt. And actually, the next episode of Holy Hell is on the subject of meta-textuality so stick around if that’s something you enjoy.

One of the amazing things about ADHD is creativity. Since we’re easily bored and easily amused, we’re constantly pushing the boundaries of our curiosity. In season three episode “Bloodlust,” Dean decapitates a vampire with a miter saw, something that even veteran vampire hunter Gordon Walker comments is a thing of beauty. Dean creates a Ma’lak box in season 14 episode “Damaged Goods” as a way to contain Michael if he ever inhabits Dean’s body again. Dean is always making up words like “were-pire” and “Jefferson Starships,” and he has an almost encyclopaedic knowledge of pop culture, which he references in almost every line of dialogue. Like tv and movies raised me, but even I don’t understand a lot of his references. It’s almost like he’s a character in a tv show being written by dozens of people. But that’s not right. He’s a real person and my friend. My friend Dean Winchester, who shouts me burgers and passes out on my couch.

Also, I’m bragging now but as of the day of writing this I got my ADHD diagnosis and it feels so good to have a doctor, a psychiatrist in fact, confirm my belief. After about three or four years of figuring out I have adhd and then trying to make everyone else believe me when I say I do, it feels like a huge weight off. Dean deserved to feel that. He deserves to put a name to his differences and be in charge of his life instead of letting his anger, confusion and impulses control him. If anyone is worried that you might have something and don’t know whether to pursue a diagnosis, my two cents are that it has only improved my life. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Affective Disorder in 2014 and it allowed me to go on medication, which snapped me out of the worst period of anxiety I have ever gone through and also a psychotic episode that featured talking walls and a swarm of Christmas beetles. Trust me, we all need help sometimes, and some people like me need more help than others, but you can take control of the forces in your life that hold you back. As my mother used to say to me when I was a child, the world is your oyster. It really fucking does get better, and since I started on the right anti-depressants for me my life has improved so goddamn much. The world is fucked right now, and it’s impossible to even function on most levels. We all need therapy. I myself have a gp, a psychiatrist, and a psychologist and they keep me relatively sane. I would not be alive if I didn’t have years and years of ongoing therapy and good drugs. Plus I journal everyday and practice gratitude. I’m still crazy but the craziness is contained and doesn’t hurt me anymore.

Despite never going to therapy, Dean grows from being a loner with one friend (his own brother) to someone with a wealth of connections and family. He picks up new people to love like he’s velcro, and when he goes in he goes all in. He would die for the people he loves. He’s constantly putting himself in danger to protect his loved ones. In the Season 6 episode “Let It Bleed,” Dean captures and tortures demons in an effort to find out where Crowley took Lisa and Ben. He then has Cas wipe their memories so that they don’t remember him and can live their lives without him, at his own great distress. In season 5, he goes to Stull Cemetery to impinge on the fight between Lucifer and Michael, just to be there for Sam. As Dean says, he’s “not going to let him die alone.”

That being said, I do have to talk about Dean’s very few, but ultimately life-ruining, flaws. His emotional dysregulation makes his moods unpredictable at best. By virtue of his black and white thinking, he forces the people he loves to choose sides between him and other characters, such as Sam and Ruby, Cas and Crowley, Mary and the british men of letters, and Cas and Jack, and when they don’t choose him, he passively aggressively, and sometimes just aggressively, tortures them until something else usurps their betrayal. His anger issues are par to none, and often get him in a lot of trouble. But since he is the main character, he never really faces consequences for this, and neither does he mature. Even in the final season episode “The Trap,” while Dean admits how angry he is and how wrong he was for taking it out on Cas when Jack died, mere episodes later in “Unity” he turns Jack into a nuclear reactor to take out God, and Jack dies again. His characterisation in the last few seasons, especially in regards to Jack, is all over the place. I would have to start a murderboard to explain how Dean feels about Jack and how he reacts to what Jack does in every episode. Like, pictures and red string and everything. And even then I would not be able to comprehend exactly what the writers did and what they thought they were doing.

But unlike me, Dean always believes the best in people until proven otherwise, and he does always come around to the people who atone for their sins. Even when Sam refuses to get his soul back in season 6, Dean keeps trying until Sam is put right. Between seasons 7 and 8, He spends a year in Purgatory looking for Cas despite how Cas sent Sam insane, ingested billions of monster souls, and became God. When the people he loves choose him, he chooses them back.

But even when they betray him, lie to him, deceive him, and hurt the other people in his life, he can’t stop loving them. He never stops loving Sam or Cas or Jack or Mary or John or Bobby. He loves with everything he has. He is, as Cas says, a being of love.

Oof. That was a lot of words and I feel like I only just scratched the surface. Like realistically I just talked about fambily and ADHD. There is just so much to Dean Winchester that maybe I’ll make another episode sometime. But I am definitely making an episode purely about Dean’s gender presentation and sexuality in the future. You can find the show at holyhellpod on Tumblr where I post transcripts for the episodes and Instagram where I post memes.

I don’t see myself doing an episode about Sam any time soon, Not because I don’t like Sam, but because I can’t stand Jared Padalecki. He’s done some things that I can’t support, and I’m really bad at separating the art from the artist. Especially when it’s something like Supernatural, which is not art. Supernatural is an experiment. It’s not Johnny B. Goode by Chuck Berry. Like Jared Padalecki didn’t invent rock and roll, you know what I’m saying? However, if you really want me to do an episode about Sam, you can pay me 101 Australian dollars and 50 Australian cents at patreon.com/holyhellpod. I’ll talk to you next time.

Links

http://www.scififantasynetwork.com/dean-winchester-has-adhd/

[scorpio-karma]

Let's Finish Season Fucking Two: 2x18-22

So in 2017 I started to rewatch the show but had to stop at 2x11 because Elena annoyed the crap out of me. I literally needed to take a step back and didn't restart my rewatch until 2018 where I have been basically trudging my way through 2x12-17 because I want to rewatch S3, as it's the season I've forgotten the most about.

So last week with a half of a bottle of wine I made it my mission to finish out the season so 2019 I can rewatch season 3 and maybe remember Kol, but I kinda doubt it. I'll probably come out shipping Klonnie more, if I don't see too many temper tantrums.

2x18:

First of all, this is a terrible episode to start with because it's the episode where Bonnie dies for the first time, so dealing with that is going to be annoying. Second of all why do the recap always explain that Elena and Katherine look alike. Not only is that the least complicated part of the show, but it's also the entire fucking premise of TVD. If you didn't know that by the end of season 2 you're really fucking slow, but I guess they planned according for their audience. Also, lots of people look like Nina, so I don’t know how this is the most “unbelievble part of the show.

Anyway, on to the episode. Matt Davis made a great Klaus. I may hate him, but I'm not ashamed to admit he was attractive to me playing the evil Original, but he equally creeped me out which is why I say he made a great Klaus. The way he kissed Katherine's forehead and basically leered at Elena and other students honestly made me more uncomfortable than watching Penn Badgley in You. Davis should play villains more often, seems to be his niche since Legally Blonde. (Although he didn't do a great job with evil!Alaric in season 3 from what I remember, it was a weak storyline that even I couldn't get into when I mindlessly watched the show, it was how I noticed the drop in quality then) Don't get me wrong I like JoMo's portrayal of him too just really only this season before they woobiefied him.

You know, rewatching all of this I’m noticing more and more that Nina isn't that great of an actress. Like, I was never overwhelmed with her talent before and I definitely am not now especially as I watch her play Katherine scared and there is no difference in the way she plays Elena scared. It's like how Elena with no Humanity is Katherine, well Katherine scared for her life is Elena. There's no nuance when she plays these characters. The only difference is the hair and when season 4 rolls around not even that.

Which brings me to Elena stupidity which I'm not even surprised. First, knowing her life is in danger she goes to school and endangers others lives, under the order of it's my way. Which first of all sweetie, your way has always sucked, until you yield good results maybe hold off on making plans. Second of all, the only reason you know you'll be fine is because Bonnie will save you which is a consistent pattern of hers--risking her life with the confidence that someone will always save her which annoys me because what about everyone else. First it was not staying in the car so she hindered saving Stefan, then it was manipulating Damon, and now it's risking everyone else's lives including Bonnie's because school? Which is where I get confused, no one, especially her, are particularly studious, so why the sudden need to go to school. You could ditch and no one would care because Jenna's out of town.

Which brings me to another thing which I'm sure I went over when Jenna left, but leaving teenagers alone for days at a time because you feel betrayed by your boyfriend and teenage niece you have guardianship over is just...I have no words.

When I was 15 my mom had to go out of town for a convention in San Francisco I couldn't come with her due to school. She was gone for 3 days and I had to stay with my Great Aunt and Uncle because even at 15 you don't just leave your kids alone for days at a time (and also my mom was over protective and paranoid but that's beside the point). At least leave an adult in charge, maybe John, he's probably got to be salty that Jenna was God parent and not him, he is in fact Elena's actual father. There were so many nuances with John the could have had, but I'll get to that in later episodes.

See I understand Jeremy being salty at John for killing his girlfriend, who by the way managed to get over it, but I don't understand Elena's disdain for him. It was there before she found out he was her father, before he enabled the device, she just didn't like him and it's never explained. Like honestly when I think about the reason Elena annoys me the most it isn’t that she whines (which has never really been my big complaint with her), it’s the reasons she’s whining and in this case I have extra annoyance because there are actual reason for her to be this salty towards John and none of them are the reasons she uses.

I noted that Klaus had no plans of killing Bonnie until she became a legitimate threat. The only thing that’s honestly annoying me about this is the direction I know they take Bonnie and her magic in season three. She’s powerful and a legit threat against the original hybrid and yet she’s damn near powerless in later seasons it just irks me.

Also noted, I’m not making any arguments for Bamon, it’s just there is a stark difference in chemistry when Damon dances with Bonnie opposed to Elena. For one, when he’s with Elena he legitimately looks like he can’t dance, all his lines are stiff, as are Elena’s. I can at least forgive Nina since she’s supposed to be frosty towards him, but Ian, this is during a time he was dating her meaning he wasn’t pulling petty shit from the finale--he just legitimately doesn’t have chemistry with Elena.

When he’s Bonnie all of that changes, suddenly he does have dance skills, his lines flow naturally, even his acting improves tenfold and he can play nuances that aren’t eyebrow movement. There’s a reason why he’s only bearable when he’s in scenes with Kat unfortunately those scenes are far and few between and always about Elena.

In a weird twist of events Bonnie has the better costume than Elena--she doesn’t even look like a caricature of the 60s other than the go-go boots. Also Caroline dressed as Jackie O. has an amount of irony I don’t even thing she’s aware of. 

Bonnie bossing Jeremy around was hot which is new for me as I don’t care anything about Beremy. That paired with Damon’s “not caring” it was an overall good episode for Bonnie...until she’s stuffed in the trunk of Damon’s Camero.

Bonnie’s line “If the situation was reversed would you do it for me?” just has me rolling my eyes because we all know the answer to that--no, Elena wouldn’t do the same for you Bonnie and she continually doesn’t do the same for you so cut your losses. In fact that’s my advice for the entire series, cut your losses, let Elena die, so many more people will get to live when she does.

So when we do finally get to Bonnie’s death I actually agreed with Damon’s sentiment of “it had to look real” Elena is a terrible actress (Elena not Nina though she has a lot of questionable acting), it’s so bad they trusted Jeremy more and he’s not so great either. Also why are they spending so much time on Elena’ pain at Bonnie’s death and not the character who actually died--it’s the Abby situation pre-Abby, like we should have seen that shit a mile away if this is any indicator.

Although, in an unexpected twist, the episode ends on a a decision of Elena’s I agreed with. Granted it came with me screaming at Elena for apologizing to Damon like??? even if I understood the reasoning she literally owed him nothing, but count on Plec with misogyny for the win, and Williamson lest we forget he’s also responsible for this mess. Anyway after Damon’s words, Elena undaggering Elijah was the best decision she made and this is before the betrayal, so I at least understand trusting him.

2x19:

We start with Nina’s god awful English accent. When she ran lines someone should have made her keep the Bulgarian on from the first Katherine flashbacks because Nina can’t fake an accent to save her life. Also much like the flashback in S7 the Katherine flashbacks with Elijah and Klaus are not only unnecessary, but explain very little. How exactly did Katherine escape? Why didn’t they compel her? Did she have access to vervain? Like little is explained about her duality then and why exactly Elijah had issues Katherine. All that was explained is that they were almost lovers. Honestly all we learned about Katherine is that she really likes for people to chase after her. 

Damon is just as bad at plans as Elena. Like I hate them both, but sometime DE are a match made in heaven with how awful they are at things. Like I understand trusting Elena’s lead is actually pretty rational given her past decisions, but you way of thinking isn’t any better. Leave the thinking to those who can actually do it. 

This is JoMo’s first episode and you know what? I really miss this Klaus. Also when they do the “Niklaus” reveal I thought it was absolutely ridiculous when I first watched it. I still find it ridiculous, but I realize that much like Mikael, Kol, and Rebekah, it was the “fancy” way of spelling Nicolas, and I’m even more pissed off. No wonder I equate the introduction of each Original to introducing another Kardashian--they really love their K’s.

Elijah trying to use OMG as a cultural reference was just cringe. “Our whole family was human” I wonder at what point they decided to retcon this? Probably around the time they realized they could do anything creative with vampires. Also this line “my mother bore seven children” I thought no one knew Freya existed. Finn, Elijah, Klaus, Rebekah, Kol, Henrik, and then Freya--how is she their long lost sister if they already knew about her?

You know I spent so much time away that I literally forgot about Andie, and now I’m very creeped out. They follow the classic domestic abuse formula where she keeps coming back when she has the option to leave. You know, when rape becomes Stolkholm Syndrome and in Plec and Williamson form they try to convince you that this is a normal vampire thing even having the victim saying “I’m perfectly fine with this”. There were so many Nos.

I remember that the whole Sun and the Moon curse was fake, what I did not remember is that Klaus and Elijah started it. I thought Esther started it to dupe Klaus and that the whole sacrifice was for no reason. I have yet to see S3 so that thought might still be correct. Also, white supremacy essentially causing the war between vampires and werewolves--not surprising, but still disappointing.

Jenna’s reaction to finding out about vampires is appropriate granted her cluelessness up until this point is a whole other level. And Stefan’s serious face towards Klaus seems to to just look at him cross-eyed which I never noticed. And of course we end the episode on on of the lamest vampire fights of all time--they really ran out of ideas around here.

2x20:

So Tyler’s back! Unfortunately it’s because Klaus threw his mom down a flight of stairs. Man, he’s been hurting his mom for quite some time. That sire bond really did a number on him to forget this shit. At least he has that excuse, all Elena ever had was “love” and “hope” like bitch,Damon’s been terrorizing your friends and family, he’s had more than enough chances to prove himself. Also Tyler came back for important things. Sorry, Caroline stans, but Caroline missing him isn’t important when his freedom is on the line.

“Damon s the problem, not Caroline,” listen to Matt, Liz.

I’ll give Matt Davis this, he was a pretty good actor here. The distinct differences between Alaric and Klaus were a lot better than the cliches Nina was using. But then again because he only put against her acting that’s probably why it seemed good. I’m sure there is a lot better (I’ve never seen Orphan Black but I don’t doubt she did a better job at playing her clones than Nina did with any of her doppelgangers).

It must be easy to brutalize Elena after brutalizing Katherine so much--he never missed an opportunity to hit her. Although him shoving vamp blood down Elena’s throat wasn’t as anger inducing as it should have been since it reminded me of a time when Damon being the wild card actually made sense. Not just so much that given how early it is in the show him doing random things makes sense, but that his random actions make sense, less man pain, and was actually strategic.

Also why didn’t Katherine drink vamp blood and then go through with the sacrifice--they had the same results except one less angry hybrid. Is this ever explained as to why vamp blood can’t be in your system for the ritual?

Which now that Elena is essentially taken care of, I suggest using the elixir on Bonnie so she can take down Klaus without dying and then we can avoid the whole thing.

Tyler really should have listened to Jules, but then again, I know she’s the one who dies in the end so maybe she should have followed her own advice. 

Also I remembering why SE was never my jam--it was a lot of babysitting Elena and her “I don’t knows”. THEN STOP MAKING MAJOR LIFE DECISIONS UNTIL YOU DO KNOW. “I’m 17 years old, how am I supposed to know any of this?” you aren’t sweetie and that’s exactly the point however I don’t understand how being a vampire is worse to her than the possibility of being dead. From what she lists off as what she wants to do, they all can still happen as a vampire, not so much when you’re dead. And even if she does turn she doesn’t have to fully transition so I don’t get the mourning period she’s having especially since THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO FOCUS ON. Priorities, bitch.

I get Matt wanting to save Caroline--he clearly still loves her, but saving Damon? He said it himself--he’s the problem, he’s the reason your sister is dead, God! protagonist based morality really gets to me these seasons.

“You turned your back on me when I needed you” but did he, Caroline? If I recall, he saved you in the nick of time so...Also, you asked him to leave, what’s with playing victim all of a sudden (while equally forgetting the time you were a victim). Also, Caroline, you really need to listen to Tyler when he tells you to go, granted the other time she does this is in S5, but he’s literally in a position where he’s not in control of his actions and you are what he hunts. Go, when he says go! These women really need to stop with this “He’ll never hurt me” mentality when their monster is coming out because, bitch, how is that working out for ya?

Also the final scene with Klaus, Stefan, and Elena, I swear most of the dramaticism is in the music the scene isn’t heartbreaking enough for this music. And in a town filled with vampires Klaus needed to make a vampire? I remember not liking Jenna’s death and I like it even less here because it really was for no reason other than the writers don’t know how to write parental figures.   

Which brings me to Greta. Her complete and utter indifference to her family being dead is really on par with TVD’s views on family. Even worse, it continues this black character forsakes all family for a white character mammy trope they always have with black witches. Although she does fit the Jezabel trope more, but I’m really tired of “loyal” black characters being loyal to everyone but themselves.

2x21:

This honestly should have been the season/series finale--it actually had a great natural ending. The only thing I’d tweak is Elijah following through, and then it would have been the perfect conclusion to this shit show. Instead we go on for another six seasons where they accomplished nothing other than more of a shit show.  

So of course we start with Katherine “caring” for which honestly makes no canonical sense. Damon has literally always been a game for her so why either doppelganger bothers with him just honestly baffles me.

Also we start out with some classic Elena “pleading to their humanity” which was almost as laughable with Greta as it was with Kai. Like Bitch, did you not just see how she brushed off the deaths of her family, why is she going to give a flying fuck about you of all people? 

Also Greta, sweetie, what are you doing? I get not wanting to serve nature, but Klaus? WHAT IS THIS NEW ORDER AND WHAT DOES SHE GET OUT OF IT? Because from where I’m standing, she’s in the exact same position as servant just now with an added side of “happy slave” because it wouldn’t be an episode of TVD without that trope. Despite TVD using black bodies as food, I will give Jenna props for going after Greta--someone finally using strategy and knowing Klaus has nothing without his witch.

Which brings me to how the MFG plans to defeat Klaus--they don’t and I’m not surprised since it focused completely on Elena. Elena is one out of three sacrifices and the only irreplaceable item--why not focus on the full picture and maybe accomplish something in the end. I’ll give it to Bonnie and  her bad ass magic, but it’s honestly not enough. The entire plan hinged on Elijah who betrays them and Elena for some reason trusts again getting Abby killed and turned, but that’s salt for another review.

The salt for now is that Jeremy and Bonnie have been together in an abandoned house for days on end with really nothing to do, and they tried to convince me that season 5 was the first time her and Jeremy had sex, let alone that was her first time. I was suddenly reminded why I thought it was so weird to me that everyone thought that was when Bonnie lost her virginity--like I’d read it in fanfics and be just confused. Granted she hadn’t had a sex scene up until that point, but given the shows attitude toward sex I just assumed lack of virginity was everyone’s default. And then you had this shit, Beremy was never my favorite ship, but I wasn’t so in hatred of them that I would discredit them having a sex life because why wouldn’t they? Everyone else does, and given the shows attitude toward sex, if she was in fact a virgin that would have been known. Of course, my naive 16 year-old ass didn’t realize how asexual they were making her, but now at 25 and looking back at this I’m just pissed.

So when I looked back on season 2 I remember John being more of a villain, not surprising since the narrative treats him as such, but I literally remember him being turned into a vampire against his will and continuing the process. I’m realizing now I may have had him confused with Logan, but I was really surprised when throughout this entire rewatch John is human and then getting to this episode, knowing he dies at the end and the realizing he never was. I thought he was one before Jenna and that was just all kinda of wrong. I guess it’s because the episode had him apologize for all his wrong doings (none of which were his actual transgressions) and I guess my mind tried to rationalize.

Given my complete indifference towards Elena, it is kinda surprising that John’s letter to her still makes me cry, but I’ve always had the sentiment that John is the only person who made any sense sacrificing his life for Elena. TVD may not value familial relationships but I do. However his “prejudices” line gets to me because he was right--vampires are dangerous, and it irks me that Elena wasted the life he gave her. She doesn’t even manage to stay human for a fucking year, and not by her choice which he gave his blessing for. She just Elena’d it. 

Overall this probably would have actually been a good episode if Klaus had actually died and it was the last episode. John dies for Elena, Elijah gets his revenge against Klaus, Damon is left for dead, and the series ends on the note that they’re no longer in danger--the end, finito, better than the acid trip series finale.

2x22:

If this episode needed to happen it should have been Damon’s farewell episode. Actually follow through on something with his character and have him make amends and having a heartfelt goodbye. End series and have every live happily ever after because Klaus and Damon are gone, and Katherine who had no relevance after this season leaves as she had no reason to stick around. Like this is where the series should have ended--it had a nice sense of finality missing from the actually series finale.

Anyway, on to the mess of a fucking episode it was first with Stefan, ever so loyal, ruining what could have been a great Damon death. Now this isn’t really because I dislike his character, it’s more that him dying especially here would have been at a time where that would be an actual loss, this anti hero role Plec kept insisting he was might have been able to have been accomplished with his death in this one episode. And best of all, I wouldn’t have had to deal with one more temper tantrum from him or Klaus.

Watching Alaric’s man pain is marginally easier to deal with because it’s not destructive, but then again he’s human so what would he have done. I’m sure original vampire Alaric would have went on some massacres because they can’t resist man pain destruction. 

Caroline once again shoehorned, in today’s episode, a brother sister bonding moment between Jeremy and Elena that would, once again, suit Bonnie more, if even her at all because this is a scene that doesn’t require Caroline, but you gotta giver her that unnecessary screen time some how.

Stefan going to Emily literally makes no sense. As does Stefan’s entrance to the witch house. What do these women owe Stefan Nothing. What do these women owe Damon? Nothing. So the insistence that they help him makes no sense. But of course a black witch not serving a white vampire is useless to Plec so here we are.

The urgency of this episode was lost on me because it was getting in the way of a good plot--Damon’s death. Also after reanalyzing Jeremy’s death scene I’ve come to a few conclusions. First: in a crazy twist of events it is not in fact Damon’s fault. He was literally hallucinating out of his mind so I doubt he was thinking about anything logical. Second: Caroline snapping his neck before he officially died could have saved him. Bonnie even said it outloud--he needed to die a supernatural death to come back. In fact, it probably would have made more sense characterization wise given how she became a vampire. And lastly: even if Bonnie needed to bring him back the “spirits” shouldn’t have been so hard on her especially since they weren’t that hard on Stefan earlier. Like he shouldn’t have had to step one foot in that house--he’s still a murderous vampire, I don’t care how much of a “kind soul” he was as human that certainty didn’t translate into vampire form. 

Overall this episode was abysmal but so is this series. My overall thoughts on season 2 is that it’s easily a stronger season, but still is god awful and has not aged well. Also the series would have really benefited if it was a two season vampire series from the late 2000s unfortunately that time period wouldn’t allow that. At the hype of vampires they were determined to milk that for everything they could and the still are with the train wreck that is Legacies. They need to let it die. 

[foxydivaxx]

Osiris Chapter 1

That poll with Rami Malek inspired me to write this fic because lets be honest, DC has not done Osiris, the Black Adam Family or majority of their Middle Eastern characters justice. Osiris for instance was badly written and turned into Superboy Prime junior in the pre-New 52 timeline and in New 52, he was killed off in his only appearance. Like da fuck DC?! That character had so much potential. Not just him, a lot of the Titans then had a lot of potential but you screwed these kids up. The storyline that was established for him in Brightest Day was a very interesting one and  would have been more awesome if the Black Adam family actually had their own comic series. Look at what Marvel has done with Kamala Khan. Imagine what would have happened if either Osiris or anyone of the other kids got that opportunity. Anyways enough ranting and onto the fic itself. Rami Malek is Osiris’ FC here. This chapter is just an intro (or reintroduction to those that are familiar with him) to the character.

“I wanted to save the world.”

That is the answer I always give to people whenever they ask me to explain my motives or why I chose to be a hero in the first place.

There are times when I question my worth or my sanity because I have been through quite a lot of hell. Like if one were to ask me to define a tragic hero, I would point at myself.

For starters, my early childhood in Egypt was not blissful. You are staring at a boy who got constantly bullied as a kid because I looked different. Compared to other kids then, my skintone was slightly darker than normal Egyptian standards. Secondly, my eyes are huge, very owl-like that kids then cruelly nicknamed me ‘Bug Eyes.’

I would often go cry in a corner afterwards because besides the name calling, I had to endure days of severe beatings at the hands of those bullies. Making matters worse was my birth father whose name I would rather not mention. Why you might ask? Well thing is......he was an abusive asshole.

He would beat my mum, my older sister Adrianna and myself up a lot. Things got so bad that I ran away from home, never to be seen nor heard from again. Life on the streets was hard as the little money I got from mum was not enough, forcing me to fend for myself via pickpocketing and other means.

Then one day, everything changed. A crime syndicate known as Intergang captured me and took me to one of their concentration camps. 

As fate would have it, my beloved sister Adrianna was amongst the captured. My parents’ absence there was enough to tell me what had become of them. Unfortunately we had no time to grieve becuase the Intergang bastards dragged us away and began to drug and torture us. 

Adrianna was whisked away to be given to Black Adam whilst I remained with those bastards. Somehow, I was able to resist their mind control. Might be strong will power or possibly their methods were not working. Unfortunately for me, I got the beating of my life as those bastards clubbed me almost to death. I remember the pain, the blood, the tears, the anger I felt as nerve by nerve I was struck down till my legs were rendered numb.

Thankfully, Adrianna now the superheroine Isis and her husband Black Adam showed up just before death snatched me away. Isis tried to heal me but to no avail because the damage dealt to me was that severe. Adam was kind enough to give me a dose of his power as he felt that that was the only way to save me.  Unfortunately he was right because whenever I revert  back to my normal form, I am completely paralyzed from the ground up.

Anyway, thanks to that, myself, Adam and Isis formed a superhero team and family and I officially became the hero known as Osiris. Why Adrianna named me this is beyond me though. I was expecting something like Horus xD.

Anyways, we became a team and went around doing as much good deeds as we could. Heck I even joined the Team at one point even though most of them do not remember my name and often call me Black Adam Junior. Talk about insulting.

Yeah I did kill someone to protect Adrianna but that was a honest mistake. I did not realize that using my powers that way would harm someone like that. Plus I was still new to the superhero game anyway.

I left the Titans for a brief period after Wonder Girl asked me to hand myself over to the authorities for killing Persuader. I beat the shit out of her and called her out on her own hypocrisy on the spot because this girl also mistakenly killed someone in self defense of her mother years ago and yet, she has the guts to call me out on that? 

Still the girl later apologised for this and I forgave and rejoined the Team. Still, I kept on having nightmares and panic attacks regularly. As if that wasn’t enough, I was forced to return to Kahndaq because of a serious of horrific events happening there. 

Sobek my so-called best friend manipulated me into thinking that Adam was the one responsible for everything and I even attacked poor Adam for his troubles. I later made up my mind to leave Kahndaq but first I wanted to get rid of Adam’s powers feeling that they were corrupting me. I had also heard a lot about Adam’s terrible past atrocities and got paranoid about the stigma that followed our family because of him.

I did not believe that someone like Adam could actually change and that he was probably manipulating and using Adrianna for his own selfish purposes. Or at least that was what I was led into thinking.

I gotta hand it to Sobek here. He really is that good of an actor and a master manipulator. He was able to isolate me from the other Titans, making it seem like they were the bad guys whereas they are all good natured people and some of them have dark pasts or are dealing with dark presents.

Anyways, Sobek advised me to de-transform into my civilian form and that way, get rid of the curse though he expressed fake concern for me as he knew that I was crippled but I assured him that all would be well. Big mistake on my part because Sobek took advantage of my weakened state and ate me up alive, leaving me as mere bones.

I do not know much about that other than the fact that I was mummified and buried in a tomb. Soon afterwards, I was awakened from the dead by that cursed Black Lantern ring. My people feared me because well I was supposed to be dead and there I was wandering about in mummified form, trying to make a sense of the world around me. 

Sobek’s subsequent arrival made it all click especially with the explanation he gave. He is one of the Four Horsemen of Apocalypse, a group of four bioengineered monsters specifically created to destroy us the Black Marvel Family and he was Yurd, the Horseman of Faminine.

That alone infuriated me. How could I have been so naive to have taken pity upon a wretch like him? How could I have allowed myself to be played like that?! 

I lost my shit and the two of us engaged in combat. Unfortunately I was outmatched because Sobek was a far more better fighter than I expected. Nervertheless, there was only one simple way to end a fight in our current state. Using the last of my energy, I called on the name of the very man that saved my life, channelling the thunderous rage of justice upon myself and Sobek, killing us both and severring the connections we both had to those blasted Black Lantern rings.

Still the White Lantern ring resurrected me much later on as well as the rest of the other slain heroes and a couple of villains. I know Sobek is still out there somewhere but right now, he is not my priority. Things have gotten better for me since that incident as I lived a normal life despite still being a paraplegic. My main priority now is to find out what caused both Adam and Isis to get petrified and try to undo the mess that has befallen my family and Kahndaq and maybe try and set things right without going astray.

So here we go. Hope you all like it. I tried my best with this guy because there are some things that were not mentioned so I just filled in the blanks for him and his family and also kind of retconned some things like his involvement with the Titans for instance. It is mostly Young Justice based but elements of the Teen Titans comics are there.

[parkersharthook]

Girl Meets Descendants

(Lucas Friar x Maya Hart) (Riley Matthews x Farkle Minkus) (Mal Bertha x Ben Florian)

Warnings: graphic depictions of violence, child abuse, neglect, mentions of sex

3.3k+ words

CHAPTER THREE

The characters of Girl Meets World thrown into the Descendants Universe. So what happens when Maya (maleficient’s daughter) and Farkle (dr. facilier’s son) are stuggling between their feelings for certain Auradonian kids and the mission they were sent to accomplish. [descendants 1 storyline with more characters]

Character Descriptions/Background

Her alarm went off with a loud sharp noise. Maya was already half-awake due to the many early mornings she experienced on the isle. But the noise still came unwelcomed and she quickly slapped the clock to turn it off. She sat up and rubbed her eyes sleepily, blowing some loose strands out of her face. The messy bun she threw her hair up into the night before was falling out in almost all directions.

“I thought you would never wake up.” Farkle said as he came out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist.

Maya just stretched and shrugged, “guess the bed was comfortable enough for me to never wake up. What time is it?”

Farkle glanced to the clock, “Little after 8. The classes start at 9:30 apparently. Do you know where my schedule is?”

Maya pushed herself out of bed and looked around the bed, “I sent it towards your bed yesterday. Check underneath.” Farkle rolled his eyes and walked over to the bed, checking underneath and standing back up with a piece of paper in his hand.

Maya finally got a good look at his chest and noticed the numerous red spots. “What happened to your chest?”

Farkle glanced down and frowned, “My father wanted to test some potions on me before I left so he would know what I needed to get him.”

Maya glanced away, “At least you can cover your chest.”

Farkle nodded, “yeah but it’s not the only thing I need to cover.” He lifted his arm up to show a large burn mark on the side of his abdomen. Maya could hold back the grimace as she looked at the blistering mark. “I didn’t notice your face yesterday.”

Maya gasped and rushed to the mirror to examine her bruised eye, busted lip, and cut eyebrow. “Shit.”

He snickered, “did you not know you had those? They’re pretty hard to miss.”

Maya shook her head and walked over to her bag, “No I knew that I had them, just forgot. I wore a lot of makeup yesterday so I didn’t realize they were that bad.” She pulled her makeup bag from the duffel and walked over to her desk. She sat down and began to pull out her makeup as she leaned towards the mirror to examine her face closer.

“Are you going to get a shower this morning?” Maya glanced at Farkle through the mirror and then to the bathroom door.

“Yeah I probably should.” She moved to get up but her attention was drawn back to Farkle when he cursed loudly. “You okay?”

He clutched his side, “No. I just hit this and it hurts like a motherfucker.”

Maya rushed over and carefully peeled his hand away to look at the nasty burn. She winced, “okay I’m going to get a towel and clean this. Put on some pants so I won’t accidently see your junk.” Farkle wanted to laugh but the pain was too bad to do anything but nod and grimace. Maya rushed to the bathroom and grabbed a small towel and ran it under the cool water. She let it soak for a minute as she searched the cabinets. Luckily for them, there was a small first aid kit underneath the sink. She grabbed the kit and called out to Farkle, “you decent?”

“Yeah.” Maya grabbed the wet towel and the small container and rushed back into the bedroom. She ushered Farkle to the small couch and knelt down beside him. He lifted his arm slowly so she could look at it. She pressed the cloth to the wound gently and he winced heavily.

She pressed again and he groaned, “Maya Maya Maya Maya.”

She shushed him, “shut up. People are going to think we’re having sex. Man up.”

He groaned again as Maya applied more pressure, “it hurts.”

A knock came at the door and Maya shot a glare towards Farkle, “I swear if this person is coming to say we can’t have sex, I’m going to kill you.”

Maya instructed Farkle to hold a bandage to his side as she went to the door. She opened it and put herself between the door and the view of Farkle. She was surprised to see Lucas on the other side.

“Uhh can I help you?”

Lucas nodded, “yeah Ben wanted me to check in on you to make sure you were ready for today.” How he didn’t realize it before they’re not sure but suddenly his eyebrows furrowed in concern as he motioned to her face, “What happened to your eye? And your lip? And your forhead?”

Maya quickly glanced back into the room and dismissed him, “nothing don’t worry about. Yep, we’re all good here.”

A deep groan caught both of their attention and Lucas tried to look into the room, “Maya! It’s oozing.”

Maya shook her head at how that sounded and looked to Lucas, “Uh… that’s not what he meant.”

Lucas rolled his eyes, “Yeah okay. Don’t worry about it. If I was rooming with a girl as beautiful as you, I wouldn’t behave myself either.”

Maya didn’t have time to register him flirting as a thud forced her to check on Farkle. She gasped and ran to him, not caring that she left the door open for Lucas to see the whole thing. Farkle was on the floor heaving.

Maya was knelt by him in an instant as fought back the urge to gag as Farkle began to throw up. She turned away and saw Lucas looking on in disgust.

He hesitantly stepped into the room, “uh… is he okay?” Maya furrowed her brows and nodded with an unsure expression. She shuddered when Farkle gagged loudly. She quickly moved away from him, “you think he got food poisoning?”

Maya scoffed as she ushered them out of the room, “You have that here? Even with Auradon food?”

Lucas rose an eyebrow in confusion and nodded, “yeah of course.” then it clicked for Maya.

She shook her head, a regretful look on her face, “it’s not food poisoning. We… we don’t have the best food on the isle so his stomach probably wasn’t used to the food here.”

Lucas nodded in understanding but frowned, “Is there anything I can do?”

Maya glanced towards the door that was cracked open and caught Farkle moving to the door, his burn looking worse from being irritated by his stomach skin stretching. “Um actually yeah. As long as you promise you won’t tell anyone.”

Lucas rolled his eyes, “Relax.”

Maya narrowed her eyes and pointed a sharp nail his way, “I mean it. Promise you won’t tell anyone.” He just nodded and raised his hand as if he was giving an oath. “Could you get us some burn medicine or something?”

“Yeah sure. How bad is the burn?” Maya hesitated and Lucas caught her unease, “I’ll just get you the strongest one I can find. I’ll also send a housecleaner this way while you guys are in class.”

“Thanks but I don’t know if Farkle will be going to class.”

“I’ll still send one your way.” With the dull in conversation Lucas examined her a little more closely, “So what happened to your face?” Maya gave him a deep scowl and turned back towards her room.

“Don’t worry about it. You didn’t see anything.” And with that she slammed the door in his face and tried to get ready for the day without gagging at the sight of puke on her floor.

~.~

Maya scowled at the pink backpack gifted to her. She held with her forefinger and thumb like it carried some nasty disease. She looked towards the bubbly girl. “Are there any other options?”

The girl, still with a smile on her face, shook her head. “Nope. But isn’t pink such a pretty color? It’s my favorite, next to yellow and purple of course.”

Maya pursed her lips, “of course. So you’re telling me that you give a pink backpack to all the new students that don’t have a backpack. Even the boys?”

She giggled, “The boys? Of course not. They have a different selection.”

Maya rolled her eyes and tossed the backpack onto the counter, “Can I see them?”

The girl look appalled but quickly relented and walked into the storage room of the school store. She came back with two backpacks, a blue and a black. She sighed, much better.

“Can I get 4 black ones and a blue one?”  The still smiling girl nodded and handed her the two in her hand before getting some more.

“I’m Riley by the way.” She greeted with a small wave and bright eyes. Maya just nodded. Riley continued, “And you’re Maya.”

“Yes. Thank you, I didn’t know that.” Her voice dripped with sarcasm

Riley giggled again, “You’re funny. I just meant that I already knew who you were.”

Maya rolled her eyes again, “Most people do.”

“That makes sense. New kid. From the Isle.” Maya nodded, “Daughter of Maleficent.”

Maya huffed, “What do I owe for the backpacks.” She had no intention of paying for them, she was just trying to move this conversation along.

“Nothing! We all at Auradon just want your transition to be as smooth as possible.”

Maya snorted, “Yeah right.”

This caused Riley to frown, “I don’t know about the other kids but I’m really happy you guys are here. I think I can relate to you guys.” This caused Maya to actually be genuinely surprised. This girl? Relate to her and her group? No way.

Riley shrugged and leaned on the counter, “My dad was a thief after all.” Maya’s interest piqued and she rose a sculpted brow.

“Who?”

“Eugene Fitzherbert.” Maya had to physically hold back a laugh. Yeah he may have been a good thief once, but that was still when he went by Flynn Rider. Now, he was just a domesticated prince with a magical wife and a bubbly daughter.

“Yeah… okay. Your dad is as much a thief as you are.”

Riley tilted her head, confused. “But I’m not a thief? Ohhh…. yeah I guess. But he’s a great dad so I can’t really be mad at him.”

The daughter of Maleficent felt her heart pulse uncomfortably. She looked to the ground, “I’ve got to go give these to my friends before class starts.”

“Of course! I’ll see you around Maya.” Maya didn’t answer as she strutted out the door, her heeled boots clicking with every step. She walked out into the courtyard and tossed the backpacks onto the table.

“Black?” Evie asked, with sadness in her voice. Maya pulled the blue one from the bottom. “Yay.”

“They tried to give me pink.” Maya snorted as she plopped down next to Carlos, “As if.”

“Where’s Farkle?” Jay asked suddenly as he looked around.

Maya took a large bite of Carlos’s bagel and waved it off, “he’s sick in the room. Probably from all the candy in the limo.”

Carlos motioned between him and Jay, “but we’re not sick.”

Maya shrugged, “You know he doesn’t have the best immune system. He’s just gonna stay in the dorm today and sleep it off.”

“Soo….” Jay trailed causing all of them to look at him, “Are we really going to go to first period?”

Maya laughed as she stole another bite and watched Evie roll her eyes. Mal looked at her schedule and sighed, “Unfortunately yes. It’s remedial goodness and Fairy Godmother is the teacher. There’s no way around it.” everyone let out a collective groan.

“Aww come on guys. School is fun.” The new voice interrupted the group. Mal turned her head and squinted from the bright sky to see Ben standing by their table with a large smile on his face.

Mal smiled, “What a kingly thing to say.” he gave a half bow to her with a small laugh. Maya just narrowed her eyes as the prince flirted with her sister. She leaned forward and rested her head on her hand.

“Say Ben.” Maya began slowly, “I heard something about a coronation in the halls? I just waved it off as rumors but then I saw posters?”

Ben rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, “yeah I actually wanted to talk to you guys about that. The whole school is invited. It’s in two weeks.”

Mal grinned evilly, “Is there any way we can sit up front so we can just… soak up all that goodness?”

He frowned, “I’m sorry but only me, my family, fairy godmother, and my girlfriend will be in the front row.”

“Fairy godmother?” Carlos asked, “Why is she up there?”

“She’s the one who makes the coronation ‘official’. With her magic wand.” Maya’s breath caught in her throat, Jay’s arm muscles tensed, Evie stopped sipping her drink, Carlos looked up from his lap, and Mal just smiled largely. All of them very interested.

Mal smiled her sweetest smile at him, “I’m really excited I get to go.”

Maya spoke up, “we all are.”

Ben smiled at them and checked his watch, “Well we better get going because first period is about to start. Remedial goodness, right? That’s in the library. I’m headed that way too so I’ll walk with you.” Maya (and everyone else) watched as Mal and Ben walked quite close to each other and practically forgot a whole crowd of villain kids was behind them.

~.~

“You all did exceptionally well today, especially you Mal.” Fairy godmother said with a flourish of her hand, “but there are a few key points that I want to point out.”

“One: We don’t lounge around in classes like we would at home.” She looked towards Maya who had her feet propped on her desk. She begrudgingly took them off. “Thank you. Two: We have a uniform that we wear on Mondays. I believe you all have them and if by chance they got ruined in the move we do have extra. Three: on the other days you are free to dress as you please but inappropriate attire will not be permitted.”

Maya half raised her hand, not bothering to wait to talk. “So we are not allowed to dress as we feel?”

Godmother pursed her lips, “of course we do have limitations.”

Maya pressed further, “Like what?”

“Well, heels above four inches are not permitted, shoulder straps must be at least 3 inches wide, nothing below the collar bone is allowed to show, and no midriffs will be exposed. Your skirt or shorts must reach your knees and none of your clothing can have any profanity on it.”

Maya scoffed, “Did you expect us to come with fully stocked wardrobes? The only clothing we got were thrown away pieces from Auradon or scraps of fabric that we made do.”

Godmother sighed, “I understand that. We do have shops in Auradon Prep and in the city of Auradon which you are allowed to visit during the weekends.”

Jay decided to defend Maya, “But we don’t have any money. We came from an island made of garbage.”

“We understand your predicament is different so the school and I personally are willing to spot you some money for new clothes or anything else you might need until you settle in.”

“You mean until we get a job.” Maya responded harshly, “And what Auradonian in their right mind would ever want to hire a villain kid?” She stood up now, her hands pressed against the desk. “Your system literally only sets us up for failure and the one thing we have that expresses who we truly are, our clothes, aren’t allowed. This is ridiculous.”

“Maya, please settle down…” Godmother begged but it didn’t do much.

Maya walked to the front of the class to face Godmother, “Please tell me everything that is wrong with my outfit.”

“I don’t think that is necessary, it’s only your first day.” Maya didn’t budge but rather just crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. Godmother sighed, “Go to my office right now, I will in there to deal with you soon enough!”

“What did I do wrong?” Maya spat

“I understand that this is a difficult transition for you all but here in Auradon we have standards and rules, and we respect authority. Now, go!”

Maya whipped around, grabbed her nearly empty backpack, and stormed out of the library pushing any poor soul who dared to step in front of her. God, she hated Auradon. The other VKs just watched Maya leave with a sort of pride in their faces.

Fairy Godmother spoke up, more sternly this time. “I know things were different on the Isle but you are in Auradon now. I want you to succeed very much and I hate to give you an ultimatum but if you can’t behave properly then you will be sent back to the Isle.” Evie’s breath caught in her throat and she looked with scared(?) eyes. “Now, does anyone else have anything to add?”

Mal was about to stand up for her sister but Evie laid a calming hand on her arm. She gracefully stood up, “You’ll have to excuse Maya... she’s a bit of a firecracker. We are sorry for her behavior and we’ll personally work with her so she can succeed here with the best of us.” The lies rolled of her tongue seamlessly and Jay had to hold back a laugh.

Fairy Godmother look impressed. “Very well.” The bell rang for second period, “you must be on your way then, don’t want to be late.”

Evie shook her head with a sickeningly sweet smile on it, “No… don’t want to be late.” She pulled Mal up by the arm and led the group out of the library.

“Good lying.” Carlos whispered to her.

“Thanks… it made me want to puke.” They all snickered as they walked down the hallway.

~.~

“Can I leave?” Maya asked sharply

Ben sighed, “Not yet. Fairy Godmother is on her way, she’ll be here any minute and we just want to have a conversation.”

“Why? I can tell you what happened.”

Ben looked at the clock, he had missed two periods for this meeting. He just nodded, “I suppose that’s fine.”

“Do you enjoy oversexualizing girls?” Ben’s eyes widened at Maya’s question.

“Excuse me?”

“The dress code for girls is much more extensive for boys… it’s unfair. I know the Isle was awful but at least we treated girls and boys the same.”

Ben nodded, “I actually agree with you. It mostly comes from Fair Godmother’s protectiveness over her daughter. I was talking to my father to try to change the rules, not completely but some, but it’s a long process.” Maya was shocked. Maybe Ben wasn’t so bad after all.

She bit her lip, “can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Why did you give us this opportunity?”

Ben paused and then shrugged, “Well I know I hate being compared to my father, both his failures and success. And I know your situation is different but I imagine you don’t enjoy it either. Plus, no one is inherently evil… just a product of their environment.”

Maya fought the smile that was pulling at her lips, “Thank you Ben. For listening to me and everything.”

“Of course. Well, I don’t where Fairy Godmother is but I think we took care of everything we needed to.” She nodded, “Oh, I heard about Farkle. Is he feeling better?”

Maya shrugged and fiddled with her rings, “I’m not sure. I haven’t gone back to check on him but he’s tough.” she let out a humorless laugh, “he’s been through much worse so I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

Ben’s brows furrowed but he quickly adjusted his composure. He stood up and escorted her to the door, “if you need anything, any of you guys, just let me know.” Maya smirked, she knew who he was really referring to but she kept quiet.

“Thanks.”

“And don’t forget, it’s not bad to ask for help.” Maya nodded softly and walked out of the door. She heard the wooden door close gently behind her and she let the smile through.

She mumble to herself, “yeah… I don’t think it is that bad.”

Prev / Next

[thenamesreader]

I feel bad because a long time ago when I was in like 6th grade, which is when I started watching RWBY, I made Next Generation OCs and gave Adam a son, named Eric, who he also abused and tried to groom to be him. He ended up marrying Blake and Yang’s second daughter and they had a son, but Eric got killed by his father when his son was 6.

I still question why I thought it was a good idea.

I also happened to give every villain children. Cinder had a daughter named Belle, who married Weiss and Ruby’s oldest son, Emerald had a daughter named Sapphire,( I was in the sixth grade. I wasn’t good at names), who married WR’s second oldest son, Mercury had a son named Jupiter, WHO MARRIED BLAKE AND YANG’S OLDEST DAUGHTER, and Neo had a son named Neon. Cinder killed Belle’s father since he took her away from her but she ended up getting away from her, Jupiter and Saph’s mother and father kind of just weren’t there, and Neo never liked to talk about Neon’s father (because at the time I thought she could speak, just preferred to be mute). All of them rebelled against their parents, excluding Neon (Neo was good to him), and became good guys. Saph, Jupiter, Belle, and Eric were all on a team together. Neon wasn’t at Beacon, just someone they happened to know.

There was a second Fall of Beacon, the oldest of the, then three, Bumblebabies lost the opposite arm than Yang, her younger siblings ran off, the oldest son and only daughter of Weiss and Ruby got kidnapped by Whitley and are abused by him in V4 while the second oldest discovered the power of the Silver Eyes and runs off with the children of Team JNPR to Mistral. Basically, it was the RWBY storyline all over again just with their children because my eleven year old mind thought that was creative.

It gets even better, though. I had decided to do spin-offs of it. The first one was called RWBY: The Legacy Continues where now the oldest of all the kids have children and get married and there are now four children in the the Rose/Xiao Long-Belladonna families but the youngest are still pretty young. Yang and Blake’s youngest daughter was about six and Weiss and Ruby’s youngest son was toddler aged because I didn’t get how age worked.

The second spin-off, RWBY Infinite, all of Team RWBY died, Ruby from an infected wound, Yang in battle, and both Weiss and Blake die of “old age”. It was actually depression. The kids I focus on here are all named after their grandparents and guess what? ALL OF THEM ARE REINCARNATED INTO THEIR PETS!!!!! Blake was a cat, Yang was a dog, Ruby was also a dog, and Weiss was a rabbit. They all had these weird super powers, too. Yang could see into the future, Blake could see other people’s thoughts and memories, I didn’t really work on Ruby and Weiss.

And then I wanted to work on a third one called RWBY Beyond, where their spirits come back (again) long after the others are dead and gone and, guess what? THEY CAN TURN INTO DRAGONS!!!!! But, they do complain about being brought back. Blake, mostly, because I always put her at the center since I loved her so much. At the end, they are released to rest. I actually wanted it to be at the end of the first arc because what need do I have for them anymore?

As you can see, my 6th grade self thought that was good writing when in reality, it made no sense, whatsoever.

[nerdylittleshit]

Thoughts about Spn 13x20

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

It is that time of the year where, as they say, the plot begins to thicken. Only three episodes left we are heading to the grand finale, so almost everything that happened in this week’s episode can be seen as a foretelling of what we can expect. Which unfortunately is neither rainbows or kittens, but when did this show ever? That being said it was a neat episode and for the first time since his comeback I had fun watching Gabriel. I liked what we learned about his past and how they moved his character forward. A quick update on all the feels, apocalypse world version. But in the end the most interesting part to me was what this episode told us about Sam and Dean’s current state and what it might mean for their future.

But as always, let’s have a closer look.

Wings & Things

Starting at the apocalypse world, where we learn that since the last time we saw them Jack made good on his promise and started to fight the angels. We already know that he is more powerful than an average angel, so it’s not surprising that so far he has been successful. Back in 13x02 we learned that Nephilim can become more powerful than their angelic parents, which in Jack’s case would be an archangel. So technically he could be powerful enough to beat Michael, but storywise it would be too easy. Besides as Mary reminded us Jack is currently almost too confident in his powers, a little reminder of season 12 where hubris was the downfall of the BMoL. Mary as well has learned her lesson the hard way and warns Jack that his recklessness is what will lead him to make mistakes.

Their whole relationship was portrayed as that of a mother and a son, and Mary later textually confirmed that by calling Jack “her boy” (while also reminding us that she saw Cas as her boy as well and still thinks he is dead). I really liked seeing them that way, because I think they give each other what they need. Jack is acting much more than a child than Sam and Dean. Because technically he still is, even if he doesn’t look like it. He needs guidance, he needs support and someone that loves him and cares about him. Kelly had been the empty space in his life, that neither Sam and Dean or Cas could fill. He looked up to them as role models, but Mary fills in a different role, that of a mother.

Mary on the other hand sees the other world as a place where she can redeem herself. The first step was to realize that not making the deal had horrible consequences in this world, that she was a victim as well, and that there was never really a right and a wrong choice. Now, just as Jack, she sees her purpose in trying to save this world. She knows that Jack needs her, as the mother he never had, while at the same he replaces the children she lost when she died. Mary’s relationship with her sons became so estranged because she felt unable to act like a mother to them. They no longer needed a mother, at least not in the way they remembered her. Mary had been taken away the chance to see her sons grow up and to raise them. But with Jack she has been given another chance.

The other interesting thing about this storyline was the return of Kevin. I already talked in my episode review on 13x18 about the different characters we met so far in the other world, and how much they changed or stayed the same without knowing the Winchesters. Both Bobby and Charlie are pretty much the same. Bobby is still a hunter because he always has been one. Charlie still fights the good fight, because she already did that (though in a different way) before the apocalypse happened. Kevin though is a different story. He is still the same kid who just wanted to go to school and was not ready for the supernatural to be a part of his life. But in our universe the Winchester take him in and that makes all the difference. Their relationship had never been easy, but in the end they became a family. They gave Kevin something to fight for, even though he had still lost his friends and (seemingly) his mother. In the apocalypse world Kevin became what he was meant to be in our world as well, an instrument of the angels. I don’t think that any of his actions in the other world were out of character. This is how Kevin would have reacted, all hope lost. And even then he decided not to wait for Bobby and the other survivors, to lessen the body count.

This draws a pretty good picture of the Michael we will be facing very soon. He doesn’t simply kill, he does it in the most sadistic way, with the only attempt to break Jack. Jack on the other hand proves to be a real Winchesters when he wonders what his purpose is if he can’t save everyone. Which is pretty close to Dean’s current state of mind.

Some other things:

- Mary mentions that with all the new people coming to their camp they will soon run out of supplies. This could lead to conflicts within the camp, but it also tells us that by beating Michael and the angels the job isn’t done. They have to rebuild their entire world.

- Mary tells Kevin that heaven is just full of memories, that none of it is real. This is a pretty stark contrast to the suicidal Mary we saw last season, who longed for her own heaven. It is also possible that the dream state we saw in 12x22 was her own heaven and that by letting go of it she left behind her desire to go there again as well.

- It is implied that Michael in the other world decides who goes to heaven and who doesn’t. Given that most angels in the other world fight down on earth it is possible only the bare minimum of angels and new souls stay in heaven, to keep everything running.

- There is probably a lot to say about the image of Jack’s wings protecting Mary and her unconscious body in his arms, which were all pretty biblical, so I let some other people talk about it.

Gods & Odds

As I said I liked Gabriel in this episode better than I did in 13x18. His scenes felt more lighthearted and closer to the character we saw in season 5, while at the same time the Winchesters had a chance to call him out on his past actions and to give the character another chance to change.

Gabriel, who has seen “Kill Bill” one too many times, is on a quest for revenge. After Asmodeus he tries to track down the norse Gods who once sold him to the evil colonel. Others have already pointed out that everyone seems to face their abusers this season. Cas had to face Naomi and Sam and Rowena have yet to face Lucifer (which given the promo will happen next episode). The question is how one deals with the trauma and the abuse they had to suffer through. Are you ever able to truly let go? Can you only rest if the one responsible for your pain got his/her punishment? In 13x12 Sam told Rowena that no matter how powerful she will be she won’t feel any less vulnerable and helpless facing Lucifer. And yet by the end of the episode he gave her the tools to her full power back, hoping she might be able to kill Lucifer.

Sam and Dean learned the hard way that revenge won’t make you feel better. There is no satisfaction in it, there is no healing of old wounds. And yet Sam bonds with Rowena, bonds with Gabriel, because they both have become victims the same way he did. He understands their need to do something, anything, to get some sort of control back. I do hope Sam and Rowena can end Lucifer, because I am beyond tired of his storyline, but chances are he lives at least long enough to meet his son. The real answer how to face their trauma however has already been given last week by Billie/Death: “Sometimes life is unfair and sometimes we lose things and sometimes we make mistakes. And some of these things can never be fixed no matter how powerful you become. Some things just are, and everyone has to live with that”. Let’s hope both Sam and Rowena have listened.

The reveal that Gabriel impersonated the real Loki did mostly fit with the theme of things looking like other things, or in this case two things who looked the same. And apparently demi-gods are powerful enough that they can transform vessel into their own doppelgängers? The more you know. Apart from that the real Loki had two narrative purposes. For one he told Dean that despite the fact that his father Odin despised him he still wants to revenge his father’s death, making it clear that Dean of all people would understand. There has been a big negative space all season long with mentions of fathers and more precise John, the same way season 11 had been build around Mary and her absence and we all know how that ended. I’m not sure how and in which way they could build in John, though I’m not a huge fan of the character and I rather they wouldn’t at all.

The other thing is what Loki told Gabriel: that he lived for pleasure and stood for nothing. It is the same thing that Sam and Dean accused him off, that when they needed him he ran away. Gabriel got his revenge, but it didn’t make him feel better, the way Dean knew it wouldn’t. But after he starts to wonder if there was some truth in Loki’s words, if it is finally time to give his life a meaningful purpose. This is what it looked like back in season 5, where Gabriel had seemingly sacrificed himself in order to stop the apocalypse. It is why I wasn’t very fond of bringing his character back, because it took away the meaning of this death, that had never been real in the first place. Gabriel is now on a journey we thought he had already been. It is a weird repeat of a story that had seem already finished, so I’m still a bit conflicted as to why they had to bring the character back in the first place.  

Let’s talk for a brief moment about the other scene I know everybody is already talking about. Gabriel talking about his time in Monte Carlo and of course the porn stars. We see two versions of this story, one with the porn starts, one without. It is possible Gabriel simply forget to mention them the first time and what we see then is how it happened. The other interpretation however is that the version without them is how Sam pictured the scene and the other version with the porn starts is how Dean imagined it (which would be a callback to 2x15, the first time we saw Gabriel, where we had the story told from two different perspectives as well). Say the porn star version is Dean’s imagination, then it features a male porn star. With dark hair, in an ascot. Flirting not with the flamboyant brother but rather with the manly bearded dude. I’m sorry but there is no heterosexual interpretation for this.

The for me most important scene however was the last scene. Sam calls out Dean for going alone after Loki, after he already left Sam behind to go with Ketch into the other world. Dean falls back to treating Sam like a child instead of his equal. With Lucifer free and a Michael from another world ready to conquer our world it seems like a second apocalypse is on the horizon. This brings back Dean’s worst memory: Sam’s death and his time in hell. Back then Dean could do nothing to prevent this as it was the only option to save the world. But he can’t get through it again so Dean is willing to rather give his own life than to let anyone he cares about die again.

In 12x23 Dean lost everything and there was nothing he could about it as well. Instead of waiting for another tragedy to happen it seems Dean now takes matters into his own hands. Just like Jack he feels like a failure if he can’t protect everyone.

The whole scene felt to me as if the show is starting to prepare us what will happen in the finale, which given all spoilers is very likely to be Michael!Dean. Dean acts reckless, he even says he doesn’t care about his own life, as long as his family is safe. He falls back into old destructive patterns, but so does Sam. His promise to die together is the same inability to let go of his brother that Dean shows. Dean can’t lose Sam so he rather dies instead to protect him; Sam can’t lose Dean so he rather dies with him. In the end though we will likely see a reverse “Swan Song”, with the brothers separated, and while not dead one of them will no longer be himself.

Until then though let’s hope next week gives us the ultimate power couple: Gabriel & Rowena! See you then.

[s-jatpfic]

Green (runaways)

Alex x Reggie (but also Bobby x Luke a the end)

Green is some kind of separate reality focusing on Reggie x Alex in a love is overrated let’s just vibe way. The stories work perfectly fine without each other and every single one can be read as a oneshot, yet there is a storyline visible.

this part: is part of the storyline

moodboard, playlist

1050 words

warnings: homophobia, mention of violence, alcoholism, mention of death, mention of smoking, underage smoking, kinda victim blaming, abusive parents, message me if you think i should add something else

———

Where does one belong, if one does not belong anywhere?

Reggie and Alex sure hadn’t have a lot left. They play in a band full of broken families misfits. Luke the runaway, Reggie suffering from abusement, Alex sinning by being gay and Bobby who ruins his parents reputation by being friends with the lads. None of them has it great, yet Alex‘ and Reggies hell burns a little hotter just as the alcohol in there fathers throat, the stringers on their skin and the smoke in their lungs. None of them has it great, yet Alex‘ and Reggies worthlessness goes a little deeper, six feet to be exactly. Luckily for them both, they found each other before digging up the hole. One big grave is easier to hide than two smaller ones.

“Almost thought you wouldn’t come today” Alex whispery yells out of his bedroom window after hearing the familiar sound of rocks thrown at it.

“Parents wouldn’t go to sleep. Busy screaming at each other” Reggie answers Alex, the typical ‘Reggie smirk’ never leaving his face, only as Alex places his lips on it, the smirk went away.

Intertwining their fingers and both of them a cigarette in their other hand, they walk through the dark of the night. The streets drying of the rain from the day and only lit by the moonshine almost making the asphalt seem green and since it’s getting really cold outside lately, the lads hurry into the garage.

“About the other day” Reggie starts a sentence again, breaking the silence that was between them ever since Alex house “does this- does this happen regularly?”

This is exactly the talk Alex never wanted to have. Although Reggie knows a lot about Alex family, Alex does not have the courage to dob his father out like that. He knows what Reggie thinks about physically hurting your own children, Reggie faces that almost everyday himself, but pain is only temporary and at the end of the day his father is still part of his family – his shrunken and broken family – but his family. And he couldn’t peach them like that since he is already the reason for his family going south.

“That was nothing. I just-” The sooner and more confident Alex answer sounds like, the more likely Reggie will believe his version of the truth that isn’t quite a lie but also not really what happened in reality.

“My dad found out I was seeing someone and surprisingly he wasn’t very amused finding out it’s not Gabriella from church”

That’s not a lie. It’s the truth hidden in humor but enough of an answer to quiet Reggie down hopefully although Alex was talking around Reggies question. He pecks Reggies lips just to make sure Reggie doesn’t think about it too much and gives him a small smile after that.

“Not that this would excuse anything but was it at least a one time thing?” Reggie continues as if their kiss never happened.

“Reggie” Alex chunters and wants to osculate him again in order to make this conversation stop but Reggie gently pushes him away and looking him into his eyes with way too much seriousness.

“I’m a sinner in his eyes” Alex voice doesn‘t leave space for emotions. He knows there is no excuse for violence but he can’t help it.

“Aren‘t we all sinners? Especially abusing your own kids gives you a free ticked to hell” As much as Reggie wants to punch into the next best wall, he knows that this will not help getting Alex to cooperate, so Reggie copes his anger with as much humor as there is left. Hasn’t he heard enough anyway? He has his answer, a clear 'no it happens regularly’ so if Alex doesn’t want to share more about it, there is nothing else to add.

“Not for him. I know I should hate him but I can’t. Whenever I look into his drunken eyes, I still see the caring father he used to be. The person who taught me how to ride a bike and always had a bandage if I fell off. Theres not a lot of this person left insider of him and that’s all my fault. Whenever I look into his drunken eyes, I see the person that I broke. This hurts more than anything else.”

Reggie couldn’t say something about that. Other than Alex, he never had a dad at home. Sure he has his biological father but being a dad is way more than just that. Reggie never had someone to bring to father-son-day at school, he never had someone to talk to as the people in gym class picked him out last, he never had someone that taught him how to play football or how to be in a team. Whenever Reggie comes home from school all he sees is his sperm donor on the couch, a empty bottle of gin in his hand and cigarettes all around him. Reggie couldn’t say something, but he can make Alex feel loved in his very own way. With a very passionate kiss.

“We need to get you out of there. You need to realize that you are not the problem”

They don’t losen their hug. In fact Alex face only gets buried deeper in Reggies shirt, a pale shadow of nodding rubbing his tears into the fabric.

The same time Luke parks his bike in front of the garage. He was only walking his bike since he arrived at Bobby’s place and stumbled to the garage, his boyfriend carrying his guitar and gently leading him the right direction with his arm around Lukes waist.

“What are you doing here?” Reggie was the first one to see the other boys.

“Luke ran away but he can’t stay at my place you know my parents don’t really like any of you. What are you guys doing in here all cozy?” Bobby asks, a smirk on his face. Alex tries to throw a pillow at him but his vision blurry through tears and his body craving for Reggie, his aiming isn’t really doing him a favor.

“Me and Alex are gonna move in here”

~franky. that one was though tho, sorry for any mistakes i might was crying a little while writing that.

masterlist

[milquetoast-on-acid]

Sanctuary City pt4, A Reactionary Post

Loving you means supporting you through times good times and bad

Major Crimes, S6xE4: Episode Review This arc has been building and building emotional intensity for Sharon and I'm freaking loving it. This episode - I just loved it so damned much! It kind of feels a bit like fan fiction, with us getting a chance to see Sharon right after she collapses. Andy bulldozing his way into her ER room. And Sharon and Andy's emotional ILY scene in the middle of the episode. Like many of you the personal storyline way overshadowed the case to the point where I had to rewatch several times to actually understand what was going on with it.

What this episode is about: Vultures circling round the bone The Righteous What is the truth? The Squad's Hunches Father Jonas Returns Institutions of Power Protecting their Own The Church & Father Jonas LAPD & Sharon Dealing with the emotional fallout from a loved one's illness Lucas' Diabeties Sharon's Cardiomyopathy The Squad Provenza Rusty Andy To Be or Not to Be Rusty & Gus: Where do we stand? Ryan & Miguel & Lucas & Kelly: The Forbidden Relationships Sarah & Mateo: A volital relationship of two polar oposites Sharon & Andy: I Love You and nothing is going to stop us

Vultures circling round the bone

These reporters are freaking vultures. Their standing right in front of the Danielle Rojas' car and the one chick is knocking on their window. Like do they all really think their going to get any kind of interview with them as their making their way to the FBI offices to talk to their kids. These people are delusional. I also love the coverage that all of these reporters are giving this case making it really seem so very urgent as SO many stations are covering this case. Making it really vital, urgent and so very high profile for our squad.

Provenza complains, what else is new? "Are you done complaining." "Don't ask the impossible." I love this so much! Mason doesn't know Provenza very well, yet. Love Mike's quick quip and Provenza's response to it.

Mike acts as the number 2. "I'll talk to Vega. No I'll talk to Fay." Love that Mike takes it on to do the transfer. Since he's number 2 right now and he very quickly changes his mind on who he's going to deal with. I've thought that Fay was becoming much more of a game player than Vega ever was and so I think this is a smart decision if he has to talk to either one of them.

Flowers

I love seeing all of the flowers in the Raydor/Flynn/Beck family home. Sharon usually has some in her office and sometimes in their home. But there is a ton of them here. Some from everyone sending her flowers in hospital and if you notice there's also a lot of white and purple orchids and some light purple roses. Some of which have to be sent from people for the wedding.

Sharon: The best looking patient ever? Like who looks like that in the hospital!?

Can we talk about this fist bump Andy and Buzz have after he leaves? I just love that so much! Buzz is giving him such a great smile but Andy is pretty distracted by what Sharon’s going to say. 

What is the truth? "I don't know if you know this but teenagers tend to lie when they screw up." So the boys are finally released into LAPD custody and their story sounds like a pack of lies. It sounds so unbelievable. Lucas was taking them to some really cool unbelievable awesome place to do something - something and someplace that the boys claim they don't know. Lucas apparently had rented a limo to take them to this place. Before they really get anywhere some guy in the front seat gasses them and kidnaps them to Mexico.They find themselves in the middle of the desert thirsty and with drugs on them they claim aren't theirs.

It sounds like the boys skipped town to go do drugs. But then why would Lucas not take his meds or eat? And when Amy tests Lucas' bag, she doesn't find any traces of Oxy. Which means that Lucas did not bring any drugs with him. I have doubts about the squad's theory that the boys are telling a bunch of lies because of how much the evidence actually supports (some of the boys story). Not finding any drugs (or any trace of them) in Lucas' backpack. The fact that Morales found chloroform in Lucas' shirt which supports the boys story that they were gassed and passed out. I definitely think there are things the boys aren't telling the detectives but I think the thing that Ryan wanted so desperately to talk to Father Jonas was about Hector's death. 

Ryan confided in Father Jonas about some of the abuse from Hector. Which really makes me believe that Father Motherlover did kill Hector. I think what the boys said was partially the truth. That what happened to them was retaliation from whatever gang Hector was a part of and this was retaliation as a warning to the parents. Of course I could be (and probably am wrong but that's my theory). 

Plus the fact that Danelia Rojos (Ryan's Mother) knew that Father Jonas is coming back really supports the theory that he was (and had been) having an affair with her. Which also begs the question why the hell is this guy still a priest? "They couldn't just tell the boys that Lucas was dead. No they had to give them the circumstances." I also agree with Provenza why in the hell did the FBI tell the boys where Lucas was found!? They are so very bad at handling kids.

The Squad's hunches Even though the focus of this arc is on Sharon. Most of the team members had their little moments to shine and some of them had some interesting hunches. Julio noticing the shoves and freshly moved dirt in the Garrett’s backyard. Buzz taking charge of a search warrant and his knowledge of Spanish pushes their investigation further. Amy searching Lucas' backpack for Oxy and not finding any. Morales finding chloroform on Lucas' shirt. Page noticing something about about the artwork in Mateo's offices. I went back to when they first executed a search warrant in the offices of Mateo's practice and ...

This was the painting is part 4.

This painting in part 3.

Which means that the painting was replaced but why? Was it replaced in a struggle? Or is it being used to hide something. I think that it didn't have anything to do with a struggle because the painting matches the style of the other ones. Sharon makes a point of it to really focus on Mateo's practice as something he could lose. So whatever is going on probably has something to do with Mateo's surgery center.

Father Jonas Returns

The SIS team snatches Father Jonas up as soon as he lands back into LA. This conversation: "Father Jonas, Welcome Home." "Have a nice trip, Asshole?" "Why would you talk to me like that, Lieutenant?" "How about you ran from a murder investigation?" "I left to protect my vows." "Yeah that's what all the single mothers you slept with said too. Your very concerned about your vows." I love that as soon as Father Jonas shows back up the team really lets him have it and doesn't hold back on their feelings towards this shady MF. Sharon's back in her balanced state and her "Welcome home" statement is much more her diplomatic but thinly vailed contempt for him. Provenza who has absolutely zero filter left in his brain just says whatever the fuck he feels now. It's Sharon and Patrice that seem to be the only two that can rein him back in. Andy who zeros in on the investigation and how shady it looks for him to up and run away. And Julio who points to Father Mother-lover's shady behavior and how fucking hypocritical he is. 

Sharon might not say it but that look says EVERYTHING.

Institutions of Power Protecting their Own

The Church & Father Jonas

Notice that Bishop Calhoun is flanked by what looks like two very expensive lawyers. The church is very much backing Father Jonas and closing their ranks around him. They have gone so far as to actually removing him from the country.  

LAPD & Sharon Just like with Father Jonas, the LAPD (and more importantly Sharon's work family and home family) are protecting her too. Provenza throws a fit to get the FBI finally out of the PAB. And Andy bulldozes his way into being with Sharon by using his position of power to get himself by her side. Then both Andy and Rusty throw Sharon's obsession with the rules back in her face when she very clearly wants to go back to work way too soon.

That Ending Scene(s): This episode brakes away from all of the other parts and ends with Provenza as the focus and not Sharon. Julio is also rather emotionally torn up about the crime scene. And I think I agree with him. I don't think that Mateo killed Lucas and then himself. I could be wrong but I rather think that Mateo's suicide was staged. Although we will find out for sure next week. Staged to cover up whatever was going on in his Surgery Center.

Skirting the Law "The Law says no listening. Doesn't say anything about watching. Keep it muted and we'll be fine." I love all of this talk about what is and what isn't the law. And about how Sharon knows the law so damned well, to get what they want out of a case. I love how it's Mike that interrupts what they can and can't do to Buzz. Because after Sharon it's Mike that has thorough knowledge of the law. 

"I'm sure their not listening in." "That would be so against the rules." "Not illegal." Many years ago the team played fast and loose with the law. Including the entire reason that Sharon is in charge of MC. Now everyone is obsessed with the rules as much as Sharon is.

Dealing with the emotional fallout from a loved one's illness

Lucas' Diabetes

There's already been a parallel drawn between Lucas' diabietes and Sharon's heart condition. Lucas' family was really on him to take care of himself and his mother was very devoted to making sure he got the proper care and attention that his illness needed. Unfortunetly dealing with that it seems that Lucas' parents had a lot of emotional stuff on their plate - and neiter of them was really dealing with it.

Sharon's Cardiomyopathy The episode starts right after the last one and dives right into the action of Sharon's collapse. There are so many emotions flying around the room and it's so wonderful to see just how torn up everyone is about Sharon. Amy's cracked voice as she leads the paramedics to Sharon. Mason, catching himself telling the paramedics her name is Commander Raydor and quickly switches to her given name. Realizing that they don't care what she does or what her rank is. Mike, who I didn't realize was holding her head. Thank you to whoever pointed that out. I thought it was Provenza but he's on the other side of her. 

Provenza "She's none of your damn business is what she is." Provenza tries to rush the paramedics to where Sharon is lying and then later on his reaction to the FBI agents is quite unlike anything I've ever seen from him. He's PISSED. And while we've seen him pissed - we haven't seen him this mad - ever. 

I know I've said this many times and I'll probably say this many times again throughout my reviews but the two of them have really come so damned far. Their relationship is completely different than what it was in TC and the beginning of Major Crimes. Provenza wanted nothing to do with Sharon and even wanted to help her pack her bags to leave them all the hell alone. Now - I think Sharon's a rival for Provenza's best friend. 

Right after Sharon explodes with anger towards the FBI. Provenza follows suit. Yes, he's angry at them for being snakes in the grass with the boys. But he's really really scared about what happened with Sharon. So much so that he takes it out on the FBI agents in a way that no one really expected. Everyone is startled by his behavior. Mason, Mike and Wes. The guy is barely keeping it together. He's hunched down, visibly shaking and gritting his teeth. Amy has to lead Provenza away before he completely falls apart on them. 

I love Julio following that up with: "You don't know me but believe this. The Lieutenant wants you lying sons of bitches out of here. That's what will happen." Notice how Provenza looks at the floor where Sharon was just lying and back up to Mason. To which there is no doubt that Mason was going to send them packing when Sharon told them to leave with just as much anger as Provenza. 

"We hope that Sharon is just dehydrated." Why do I have a feeling that this is a knock at Mary for dehydrating herself on set and then calling out on herself on social media. This guy looks so excited to see her when he bursts through the the ER curtain. The guy doesn't run but look how fast he bolts to her side.

Rusty "All of that for the flu!?" Provenza is really starting to freak Rusty out. The doctor tells Rusty that all of those test are standard but I do wonder if he wasn't trying to calm him down. And by this time Provenza is back to his normal self, even if he's still worried about her. He's now cracking jokes and as we also know that's his defense mechanism when he's worried over a loved one. And I also feel like he's doing a little bit of back peddling, because now he's spoke before he thought and is realizing the impact of his words to Rusty. 

"Cardio - Cardio...what?" "Cardiomyopathy." Love seeing Rusty googling Sharon's heart condition. Certainly makes sense. Knowledge is power, especially for Rusty. Knowledge is also power for Sharon, which is something that Rusty has really absorbed from her. 

Knowledge about the disease will help him understand what Sharon's going through. I also really love that it's Andy she tells first about her diagnosis. And she's much less emotional here than she was when she had this conversation with Andy. She seems much more at peace with it but we know she's still struggling (and will struggle) with it and it's emotional (and physical) implications in her life. I really love it because it really shows her motherly ways. And her talking to Andy first really helps her separate her feelings to put more of a protective shield around herself in front of Rusty. 

"What can I do to help?" "Accept the full undercover security detail that the LAPD recommending. It would take a lot of stress off my heart, I am sure." Rusty walked right into that one. Sharon just guilt-ed Rusty into getting him a police protection and it worked. THIS is what I expected her to do but it seems like she was waiting for something to use to push the protection detail on to him. Sharon doesn't feel any remorse for using guilt on him to protect her baby. Something else that Rusty has learned from Sharon (and very well) is the art of the deal. He still insists on that gun. And with him being hunted (even though Sharon doesn't like it) it may be something he might actually have to use. Even Sharon understands that because of what happened with the Josephs three. The fact that the boys were caught unaware and not armed with any kind of protection.

Andy Andy sitting right in front of Sharon trying to be very calm for her. I love him being very calming and gentle in way he's speaking to her.Then very quickly becoming a tiger to anyone that comes in between him and being with her. I love him taking charge by telling them that three sets of black and whites will make a faster ride to the hospital. He doesn't hesitate to let his position as a police officer get faster care for his fiance. Does he care? Andy's a guy that will act first and think about the consequences later on. 

"Sir, I know this is hard. Please wait out here while we help her." "I'm her husband." "Okay, sorry but we don't allow family to -- Plus I have one of these." I love Andy pushing his way into being with her in the ER. He's not taking no for an answer. Not only does he lie to the nurse but backs that shit up with is badge. I love the look on her face, she's not too happy about it but I think at this point there wouldn't be any stopping Andy from being with her. He's so freaking gentle with her and to everyone else he's got a HUGE set of teeth and you don't want to mess with him. Andy does not hesitate to tell them he's her husband. Even though technically that's not true just yet.  He does his best to bulldoze is way into being with her and I LOVE IT SO FREAKING MUCH. 

She's got to be used to patients loved ones trying to be with them but now she has to deal with a stubborn cop husband who's not taking NO for an answer. I've always wondered what if something happened to Sharon before they'd gotten married. Would Andy just lie about them being married to get into be with her. And the fact that it actually happened makes my shipper heart sing! Andy & Rusty ganging up on Sharon to better take care of herself.

"Sharon, your off the clock." I love both of the guys protesting against her going back too soon and pushing herself. Love all of the looks they give the other. Andy shaking his head in protest. And lets face it Andy, Sharon ignores her physical and mental health just as much as you do. 

"Them is the rules." I love how both Andy and Rusty use her own obsession with the rules against her. And also the fact that Andy said THEM is the rules. I don't know why him phrasing it like that tickles me so much but it does. When Rusty retaliates "The Rules, The Rules" to Sharon. She really doesn't like that both of them bring it up and how much can we love the look she gives back to Rusty. Shaking her head at him. It really reminds me of when Brenda didn't think that Sharon was capable of tracking a suspect of theirs and Sharon shakes her head at Brenda. 

"Sharon the doctor wanted you to rest." "I'm home. I'm sitting. Okay I'm done." Andy seems like he's only letting Sharon go so far in how much she pushes herself. And isn't afraid of telling her that she needs to slow down. She kind of listens to him. When he gives her this wonderful look of disbelief. She stops, only long enough to send off an email to Provenza. He's so worried about his wifey and what's going on with her. I love this little moment before she sends Provenza and email. She gives him a smile but you can tell how emotionally torn up she is. He gives her one right back but as soon as she turns her head he sighs with so much worry.

Sharon "Sharon can you tell me what hurts." Sharon being so out of it that she can't speak. I love how she looks to Andy when the question is asked. And he gives her reassurance to calm her down. 

"I'm okay." Girl, you fainted, your strapped to an gurney with a oxygen mask on your face and your STILL insisting your fine. 

(And what her illness is doing for her character) The one thing that I love about this illness storyline of Sharon is that we are seeing things from Sharon that we haven't or haven't seen much of before. We are seeing Sharon really struggle with something emotionally and physically. Sharon (for this last arc) is behaving rather unlike herself. She's become much more emotional about things, letting herself feel things more. Her trying not to break down when faced with Lucas in the flower bed and having to set away from the crime scene. Her outburst of anger at the FBI agents. Her struggling to keep up her normal appearances to protect herself and her family from her illness. Her being so caught up in emotion (despite her appearances) that she forgets that Rusty's phone is in her hand. 

"I'm curious." Sharon is very much like Brenda. A workaholic that often takes presidence over her own mental, physical and emotional health. Sharon though, won't put her work above her family the way Brenda had a tendency to do. Herself yes but not Rusty or Andy. 

"If I could just talk to you alone for a little bit." "I'm her son." "I'm her husband, ugh almost." "And I am her esteemed colleague." I love how EVERY single one of them uses their relationships to her to get allowed to stay during the diagnosis. I would think that both Andy and Rusty would have been allowed to stay. Because they are personal family and because Andy would have medical power of attorney. And how Andy tries his badge trick yet again with the doctor but it doesn't work here. I love Provenza's amusement at Andy.

Romance abound, some meant to be and other's not so much.

Ryan & Miguel & Lucas & Kelly The Forbidden Relationships

I haven't really talked much about this one but this little quadrangle romance is one that parallels Rusty, Gus and Aiden. Ryan struggles with his sexuality in the that Rusty did (and still does). The fact that Ryan has a crush on Miguel (which Miguel I do believe doesn't know about). Ryan who suffered abuse from his stepfather and has an emotionally volatile mother. Just like Rusty's biological parents. The fact that Lucas and Kelly is also a forbidden relationship because of her fathers racist bullshit beliefs and how they had to hide from him.

Rusty & Gus & Aiden Where do we stand? So Gus has RSVPed to the wedding and has ordered the salmon so it's pretty much a given that he's going to be there. Even if his and Rusty's relationship is pretty much over. Rusty is pretty convinced that Gus won't show up to the wedding. But Sharon, is a person who does not give up on people or relationships and she seems like she still has her heart set on Rusty and Gus. My feelings on the two of them is that. I had high hopes for them at one point but so much has happened to push them apart and I really think that it's in the cards for them to break up.

Sarah & Mateo A volatile relationship of two polar opposites Like Ryan, Miguel, Lucas and Kelly is to Rusty, Gus and Aiden. Sarah and Mateo is a mirror to Sharon and Andy's relationship. While we don't get much play of their relationship here. But rather interestingly Mateo ends up dead at the end of the episode. And Sarah is left all alone with both her husband and son dead. Kind of where Sharon started at the beginning of the series. She had her kids yes but they were miles apart from her and only come home really during the holidays. 

Sharon is similar to Mateo in that she pulls away and isolates herself (and her emotions) in trying to deal with her illness. Mateo chose to drug himself and pull away from his family in dealing with his sons illness. While Sarah allows her emotions to get the better of her. Sarah and Mateo are so different in how they deal with their emotions, especially those regarding their son and how they deal with his illness. 

"I'm 100% positive."  "You can't be sure."  "Yes I can because ---." "They couldn't take the oxy from me because I know exactly how much I have." "I'll check out how much oxy I have and see if Lucas and his friends have taken any of it." This is such a telling conversation here. Mateo is so damned sure that the boys hadn't taken any of his oxy but then he's not so sure if they've taken any of his oxy. 

Here's another tiny thing but Mateo's office is decked out with artwork depicting sports figures in action. The guy is a HUGE sports fan, and we also know someone who's a big baseball fan. And someone else who's a big football fan. It's really tiny but I think it's cute that Mateo loves sports just like Sharon and Andy. After I wrote that I noticed that Mateo’s practice is about Sports medicine so he must treat athletes there. 

Sharon & Andy I Love You and nothing is going to stop us Rip my heart out why don't you? First of all! It's the very first time we are getting a scene in Sharon and Andy's bedroom. It really has been years in the making. Now I'm not going to talk too much about this scene here because I'm working on a separate post devoted just to this scene. I really think that there's so much emotionally going on that it really needs (and deserves) it's own post. 

It's also a bit frustrating not finding out what's going on with Sharon when the doctor tells her but I do like how they had us find out when Sharon finally tells Andy what's going on with her. Because of her relationship with him and our investment in that relationship. And how we can get more emotions coming off of him because he's in love with her verses emotions that a doctor has about his patient. I think in this case it was the right decision. 

One thing I will touch on is the I Love You. Better late than never and what a I Love You did we get. OMG GOD! I think much like with Laura Roslin, hearing Sharon saying the words was much more important than hearing them come from Andy. That scene was so very emotional, very intimate. Just exactly what we had all been hoping to see for so long. And I am also happy to say that this scene has beaten out the Hug for my favorite Shandy scene. Which I'm sure tops the list for many people. 

The difference in Sharon and Andy's relationship verses Sarah and Mateo. Is that Sharon and Andy have managed to meet in the middle with Sharon's illness. Sharon tries to pull away but Andy doesn't let her. Sharon and Andy's differences in their personalities don't hinder their relationship but make it better. It is VERY clear that Sarah and Mateo don't talk about what's going on with Lucas and all of their emotions surrounding it. And so both Sarah and Mateo deal with it on their own by themselves. While Andy makes it VERY clear that their dealing with Sharon's illness together. Both Andy and Mateo are addicts but Andy is actively dealing with his addiction and is in a much better place than Mateo is.

What I didn't like: Just as I thought this case was wrapping up they throw in another curve ball...or dead body. One nitpick about this episode would be that Sharon and Andy weren't in their bed when they had their conversation. And I think Sharon could have used a physical embrace from Andy. The other nitpick that I have is that Sharon is not the emotional focus at the end of the episode. And because of that breaks the pattern of the other episodes in the arc. 

What I liked: Having them pick up right after the last episode and we actually got to see the drama of them rushing Sharon to the hospital. Having everyone dealing with that (or not really dealing with their emotions - looking at you Provenza). This is something that we missed out on when Andy collapsed at the end of White Lies and I'm so very glad that they fixed that this time around. Seeing Sharon and Andy's bedroom FINALLY! Having such an emotional scene between Sharon and Andy where they actually talk about their relationship. A conversation that's not cut off and feels finished and I'm so very satisfied with it. 

That this is an episode that deals with Sharon and something she's struggling with and that it's the forefront of the episode. A Sharon storyline that her personal story is the FOREFRONT of the episode not the case. I don't think anyone could really considerate on what the hell was going on with the case due to all of the emotions surrounding Sharon's heart condition. 

Also Mary is a gift we don't deserve. Kudos also to Tony and GW! 

[metawitches]

  In The Lost Sister, El continues her journey of self discovery with a trip to Chicago to find her psychic sister, 008/Kali. The sisters lost each other when Brenner separated them after Terry’s aborted rescue attempt. The episode is a stand alone featuring El’s storyline by itself.

We watch El learn about herself and face decisions about what kind of person she wants to be. She’s been physically lost since she left the lab, and a lost soul for her entire life. Kali is the same. They help each other begin to be found in ways that could only happen with each other.

As the episode begins, El is still wearing the blindfold and psychically communicating with her mother. She’s been there since the end of episode 5, so you would think she’d have gotten more than the repeating story of how Terry lost her mind, but she hasn’t.

El describes the visions to Becky over lunch, focussing on the other little girl behind the door with the rainbow. Becky suggests that El look through Terry’s files of missing children that she thought might be like El. El finds an article about Kali with a photo. El puts the blindfold back on and sits in front of the staticky TV, but she can’t find Kali.

Later that night, as she’s lying on a cot in her bedroom, she looks at the article, then thinks back to the image from Terry’s memory. That does the trick. She’s suddenly in the negative psychic space, observing Kali standing in front of a fire in a metal barrel.

She pops out of psychic space and rushes to tell Becky what she’s just seen. When she gets downstairs, El overhears Becky on the phone. She’s called the number on Hopper’s card from a year ago and is leaving a message with Florence.

El steals the cash from Terry’s purse and hops on a bus to Chicago. I appreciate that the writers and producers listened to my complaint from a couple of episodes ago and changed the story to put El on a bus, instead of hitchhiking again. Good to know that I have that kind of influence. 😘😘😜😜

El’s getting her mojo back, as evidenced by the choice of one of Bon Jovi’s best songs as her theme song for this section, Runaway, and bringing back the insult “mouthbreather” when an insensitive stranger bumps into her and keeps going.

She walks for a long time, into the worst part of town, worse even that the part of town where the pawn shops are. She finds the modern shantytown where the homeless drug addicts and mentally ill hang out, but keeps going. Finally, she reaches the abandoned building where Kali’s gang is hiding out.

They aren’t happy to see her, one pulling a knife and another mocking her overalls. (F*ck them, the overalls are cute, in style for the period, and a million times better than that horrible dress.) They become truly threatening when El shows them Kali’s picture, wanting to know how El found her, since Kali is in hiding.

Suddenly the guy who’s holding the switchblade knife in El’s face appears to have dozens of spiders running up his arm. He becomes frantic. Kali descends the nearby staircase like the queen that she is and tells him to stop torturing little girls.

The gang members give Kali the article and tell her that El knows about her. Kali asks how she knows about her and El says, “Mama, in her dream circle.” Then El pulls the knife to herself and away from Mohawk guy with her mind. Smug, she hands it to Kali.

Now she’s got Kali’s attention. Kali asks her name. El tells her it’s Jane. Kali looks for the number on El’s wrist, and El does the same with Kali. 008 and 011 are revealed. They call each other sister and  embrace.

El tells Kali her story. Kali feels that Hopper is being naive. They will always be monsters to the scientists in the lab. The lab will never willingly set them free.

She also thinks it’s wrong for Hopper to stop El from using her powers. Her powers make her special. El asks about Kali’s power. Kali can make anyone see, or not see, whatever she wants. She creates a butterfly in her hand to illustrate. El asks if Kali is real and she says that she is. El touches her face to be sure.

Kali gets El settled into bed and tells El how happy she is that El found her. She feels like an empty hole in her life has been filled. She thinks that Terry somehow knew that they belonged together, and that this is El’s true home.

Once EL’s asleep Kali talks to the gang, and tells them how powerful El is. She wants to “do one” the next day, using El’s finding skills. The others worry that it’s too soon after the Pittsburgh job, but Kali overrules them.

El “visits” Hopper and hears the first part of the apology message that he left her. She’s startled awake by Kali before the end.

Kali introduces El to the gang: Axel, the spider hater, Dottie, the newest member, Mick, the eyes and protector, and Funshine, the warrior. They don’t have numbers or powers, but they are all freaks and outcasts. Kali saved them from hard times. Now they fight back against the people who hurt them.

El questions what the gang is doing, if the people they’re hunting really deserve death. The gang implies that she’s too sensitive to handle killing people. She tells them that she’s killed people before, when they were hurting her. Kali tells her that these are all bad people, too. Her group is just making the first move this time.

Kali takes El outside to work on her powers. She explains that she used to be like El, holding everything inside until her pain festered and spread. It wasn’t until she let it out that she began to heal.

They get to an old railyard. Kali tells El to draw one of the abandoned cars to them. El tries, but can’t. Kali counsels her to draw on her anger for strength. To remember all of the things that have been done to her, all of the things that have been taken from her, and use that energy. She brings the train car flying toward them.

Kali shows El their Most Wanted board and asks if El recognizes any of them. She sees the man who administered the ECT to Terry. Kali says that he hurt more than Terry, and remembers him using a cattle prod on her.

The gang has a hard time finding people like Ray because they know they’re being hunted. But with El, maybe tracking won’t be an issue any more.

It isn’t. She finds Ray quickly. They plan the trip for later that day, even though they will have to use the van that police are looking for in relation to their last job in Pittsburgh. They switch the plates and hope it’s enough.

Before they go, El gets a bitchin’ make over to match the rest of the punker, urban warrior gang.

As they leave the hideout, a cop notices the van.

They stop at a convenience store to stock up on money and supplies. Kali supplies an illusion distraction for the cashier in the form of a flooded bathroom. The cashier comes back before expected and pulls a gun on the gang. Kali tries to talk him out of violence, but El steps in and throws him against a wall. They make a run for it.

Ray is at home watching Punky Brewster. The gang sneaks in wearing creepy masks. Dottie and Axel rob the place while Funshine stands guard. Kali and El confront Ray.

He quickly cracks, and uses Brenner as a bargaining chip.

Ray: I just did what he told me to do. He told me she was sick.

Kali: You had a choice, Ray, and you chose to follow a man who was evil.

Ray: Wait, wait. I can help. I can help you find him.

Kali: Find who?

Ray: Brenner. I can take you to him.

El: Papa is gone.

Ray: No. he’s alive.

Kali: Do not lie to us Ray.

Ray: I’m not lying. He trusts me. I’ll take you to him.

Kali: If he is alive, Jane will find him, just as she found you.

El begins to slowly strangle Ray, using her powers. She notices a photo of him with his two young daughters just as Dottie and Axel find them on the phone with the police in their bedroom.

Kali orders El to keep going, but El stops. She doesn’t want to take a parent away from another child. Kali reminds El that Ray didn’t show any mercy to Terry. Kali pulls out a gun and prepares to shoot Ray, but El uses her powers to take the gun away.

The police arrive outside. The gang races for the van and takes off just in time. Kali is angry with El for taking the gun away. She tells El that she can show mercy if she chooses, but she’s never to take Kali’s choice away. A reminder that Kali may seem to have it together, but she’s just as traumatized and abused as El.

Back at the hideout,  Kali sits down for a private chat with El. She used to be like El. She’s hard on El because she doesn’t want El to make the same mistakes that she did. El replies that there were kids in the house.

Kali: Does that excuse that man’s sins? Were we not also children? I remember the day I came to the rainbow room and you were gone. So when my gifts were strong enough, I used them to escape. I ran. I ran away as far as I could and it was there, far away, that I found a place to hide. A family, a home. Just like you and your policeman. But, they couldn’t help me. So eventually I lost them too. So I decided to be smart. To stop hiding. To use my gifts against those who hurt us. You are now faced with the same choice, Jane. Go back into hiding and hope they don’t find you, or fight. And face him again.

El: Face who?

Kali: The man who calls himself our father.

Jane: Papa. Is. Dead.

BrennerIllusion: That man tonight disagreed.

El: You’re not real.

BrennerIllusion: All this time, you haven’t looked for me. Why? Because you thought I was dead, or because you were afraid of what you might find?

El: Go away.

BrennerIllusion: You have to confront your pain. You have a wound, Eleven. A terrible wound. And it’s festering. Do you remember what that means? Festering. It means a rot. And it will grow. Spread.

El: Get out of my head.

BrennerIllusion: And eventually, it will kill you.

El: (yelling) Get out of my head! (Bursts into tears.)

The lights flicker and the Brenner illusion disappears.

Kali: This isn’t prison, Jane. You are always free to return to your policeman or stay and avenge your mother. Let us heal our wounds, together.

Meanwhile, the SWAT teams are assembling outside for an assault on the hideout.

El clutches the shirt she borrowed from Mike, and thinks back to her favorite memories of Mike and Hopper. She enters psychic space, and sees Hopper in the lab realizing that the firemen are in the boneyard. Then she sees Mike run up and try to warn the Owens and Hopper that the firemen are walking into a trap. She runs to her image of Mike, but he dissolves when she touches him, as people in psychic space always do. I’m waiting for her to meet her psychic match and see what happens when they interact.

El is drawn back into this reality by police breaking down the hideout door. Kali gathers up the gang and makes them invisible while the police search the hideout. As soon as the police are past them, they run for the van, getting stuck in a barrage of bullets outside until Kali raises an illusionary metal wall between the police and the van.

El hesitates while everyone else gets into the van. She remembers seeing both Mike and Hopper in the lab and in danger. (Can’t leave the idiots alone for a minute.) She knows that she has to go back.

Axel yells that they have to hurry, the illusion is going to wear off. Kali begs El to stay, saying that Terry sent El to her for a reason. They belong together. Her friends can’t save her. Jane says she knows, but she can save them. She turns and runs down an alley as the wall illusion disappears and the police start firing at the van.

Kali calls for El/Jane as she runs away. The van gets away safely, but Kali is devastated at the loss of more family. We get a gorgeous reflection effect of Kali sitting back in the van, and tearfully looking at her own reflection in the van window in the dark, as El’s reflection comes into focus next to it. Kali’s reflection fades, and we gradually see that El is once again on a bus.

A woman sitting across from El decides that she needs some company and moves next to her. She asks where El is going. El replies that she’s going to see friends. She’s going home. She’s made her choice about who she is and where she belongs.

We are sung out by Icicle Works’ Birds Fly (Whisper to a Scream).

    This time on her own is an important step for El’s character, but it’s still curious that it’s not interwoven with another story thread. The decision to give this subplot this much time and attention means one of three things: 1-It’s a backdoor pilot for a spinoff starring Kali and her gang, possibly also including El after Stranger Things ends in two seasons; 2- the Duffers went on a rambling side track with limited immediate relevance to the main story just for the heck of it, which seems unlikely; 3- there are elements to this episode that are important to the story now and/or in the future, even if we can’t currently see what they are.

My policy with episodes like this is to treat everything as a potential clue for the future. The Duffers put too much care into their writing to suddenly go off on a narrative lark that won’t have more ramifications further down the line, even if it takes 2 seasons to pan out.

Kali was indeed a dark mother, as her name implies. She was the first person in El/Jane’s life, with the possible exception of Mike, to see her true self, to see all of her, and to accept everything that she sees. She’s the only one to tell El the truth about their lives and force El to accept it, both the good and the bad. Mike didn’t have enough experience of the world to understand the whole truth. Hopper wouldn’t accept that she could take care of herself, or that she might have to be underground, and on the run, for the rest of her life. Kali brings the final push that El needs to grow into her true self, to accept that she’s a good person with the power to potentially be a monster or to potentially help people. The decision is El’s.

But, like all dark mothers, she doesn’t make the growth easy. She is a warrior, and El is needs to be a warrior too. El needs to face and pass the tests that will prove her growth and worthiness.

There is a neon hamsa, an open hand with an eye in the middle, in El’s bedroom in the hideout. The hamsa is a Middle Eastern symbol of protection and good luck. The words Spiritual Advisor are written in neon on the hamsa sign. Kali is an important person in El’s journey, teaching her to take care of herself as well as others, and to think of herself as special and wanted rather than as a monster and a science experiment.

  The hamsa makes Kali’s important role in El’s life clear. El will undoubtedly need guidance again, and a helping hand with psychic powers.

El’s psychic powers are getting stronger. When we met her, she needed the sensory deprivation tank or a radio to enter psychic space. Now she’s able to find random strangers over long distances with nothing but a photo and a blind fold. If she feels a close connection to someone, as with Hopper and Mike, she doesn’t even need that. She just needs to trigger deep thoughts and memories of them.

I don’t remember seeing El use her finding/tracking ability in the real world at all last season. I believe we only saw her use it to find people so that she could spy on them, and to find Will and Barb in the Upside Down. Or did she also locate people so that the FBI could send goons to arrest them?

Kali states one of the major themes of the season. Healing isn’t possible with repression and lies. The truth and the pain have to be faced and dealt with for healing to be possible. Otherwise the system/organism will fester, becoming worse over time, whether it’s Hopper becoming an alcoholic and pill addict to numb the pain of the loss of his daughter; the town rotting from underneath like a festering wound that’s scabbed over, because for decades it’s avoided facing the cancer that is Hawkins Lab; or Barb’s parents giving up everything they own to find her, rather than admit that she’s likely dead.

El has faced some of her pain, but not all of it. She’s realized that Hopper, Mike, and her friends in Hawkins are her family, even when they disappoint her. She knows that family means a give and take relationship, with each person giving what they are good at and capable of, and taking what they need in return. She knows that mistakes will be made.

But, Kali is right. She hasn’t faced the abusive bond that she had with her papa. Kali was old enough when she was taken to remember her birth family and original life. She was never prey to Brenner’s twisted love the way that El was. Before she escaped, El had never known any other life or parent but the lab and Papa.

Brenner was the first person to hold El when she was born. He continued to be the one to hold her when she needed someone. Even very abusive parents and their kids still love each other. The two aren’t mutually exclusive, and we saw that bond constantly between El and Brenner in season 1.

El’s not going to be whole until she deals with her feelings toward him, the loss of the safety and home that the lab provided, and all of the other feelings that she wishes she didn’t have. Plus, of course, the anger about what was taken from her and done to her.

El hasn’t checked to see if Brenner is alive, or looked for his body (she found Barb’s body, so that’s possible), because she’s afraid of what she’d find. She’d have to directly confront things she’s not ready to face, possibly even Brenner himself. She’s not ready for that. She may even be able to feel his consciousness somewhere in the back of her head.

Becky is still one of the sheeple after all. Did she believe anything El said, or was she just humoring El until she could get El out of the room long enough to call someone? Becky told El that El could stay with her, with the condition that El tell Becky her story sometime soon, but it didn’t have to be now. Turning around and calling the authorities on the first night is tantamount to a betrayal, and Becky would understand that if she believed any of Terry’s story, never mind what she knows of El’s. Maybe she doesn’t believe that El is really Jane.

El is probably remembering when Benny called the authorities, and ended up dead. Leaving Becky and Terry is as much for their protection as it is for her own. Maybe they won’t think that the girl in question was El if she’s not there.

After El leaves, Terry switches her TV to Action News 8, with the 8 filling up the screen. This was her plan all along. She’s more lucid than she appears, as I’ve theorized all along, but she’s like an oracle who speaks in riddle and prophecy. Until now, she hasn’t had anyone who could interpret her properly.

How did Terry find the stories of all of the kids in the files? You couldn’t do an internet search back then. Did El inherit her finding ability from Terry? If so, Terry’s seems more well-developed, since she can hunt for types of people, while El can only hunt for specific people.

Or was Terry looking up the backstories on children she’d seen with her own eyes? There were a lot of doors in that hall. Were children behind all of them? Where are those children now? Why did Brenner take those particular children? Did they already have powers, or did he know something about their genetics? Are they all the children of his former test subjects?

With Kali in the world, there will now always be the question of Real/Not Real? They had El/Jane ask Kali if she was real for a reason, then show us NotRealBrenner later for a reason. A powerful illusionist can start a war based on illusions, or stage a bloodless coup. She would have been able to walk right out of the lab by making herself invisible, perhaps with the help of a distraction off to the side. She and El may have been separated because they were learning to combine their powers, which would make them a formidable team.

At least there is a time limit on her illusions of 1 1/2 minutes. Enough to accomplish something, but not enough to use illusion to make someone a hostage in their own fake life.

I believe that Ray is telling the truth and Brenner is alive. The scene at the end of season 1 in the junior high hall happened fast, the demogorgon died soon after, and we never saw his body. No Body=No Death. Did the demogorgon even have time to eat him or take him to the Upside Down and make him an incubator? It’s believable that he was hurt but got himself to safety somehow, unnoticed in the chaos of that night. Especially if he has psychic powers of his own and could psychically call for help.

If you examine the articles that are readable from Terry’s file, it’s clear that Terry was collecting stories of strange child disappearances. Stories strange enough that there was probably a mutant inhuman psychic involved, unless Brenner himself has powers that strong.

  These are the headlines from the file that I could catch-

Cleveland Teen Girl Missing in Indiana

Part of the article is readable as El flips through. The girl was a 16 year old honors student and basketball team captain, in Indiana for a basketball conference championship game. “After leading her team to victory, the girl disappeared somewhere between the Indiana junior high gymnasium and the bus waiting to take her and the rest of the team [back to] Ohio…

That sounds like Brenner either used Kali to help take this girl, he has a similar ability himself, or he has another mutant psychic who he’s manipulated into cooperating.

Another Girl Lost

From County Hospital (Photo of Toddler age boy)

end of word Schoolyard

Pawtucket Mother and Daughter Missing

Baby Boy Missing from County Hospital- Frank Williams, Memphis

A baby boy went missing during a nursing staff shift change. The nurse who took him had been out sick for the week before, and was found dead in her home, with no signs of the baby, when police went to investigate.

San Diego, State Police

Vanished! Indian Girl Missing in London (Kali is at least 6 in the photo)

Couldn’t tell how she went missing in London, but neighbors insist that she’s a stubborn girl who’ll surely be seen again.

Brenner was somehow taking children from very public places. It seems unlikely that he’d be able to convince all of those people that he’d have the right to take the children, or that he’d be able to buy off all of the witnesses. Psychic abilities have to be involved in the abductions.

Here are the clearest screen caps Metamaiden could get of the readable pages in the files. No doubt someone out there will have better images, but these are a start.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

    I’ll write more about El’s journey and growth across the entire season in my end of season post. For now, let’s look at El, Kali and their relationship to each other. Kali is a mirror of what could have happened to El if she hadn’t found the particular boys that she did, when she did in season 1. El started out with the same kind of troubles that Kali did: She had no knowledge of the world or how to survive in it, and had to rely on her power and the kindness of strangers. The first person El found was Benny, but he couldn’t protect her, and she was quickly on the run again.

Kali’s escape, as far as we know, was an individual event that didn’t make the news or stir up the town at all, unlike El’s, which was related to a major event at the lab that couldn’t be completely hidden, and that involved one of the boys. So Kali would be seen as a runaway, while El was able to be believed as part of a larger conspiracy that her rescuers had a stake in.

Even though it was covered up, Kali’s escape wasn’t actually without conflict, as she herself tells us. There was the body that was mentioned on the news the night Will’s fake body was found in S1 Ep4. The reporter said another body had been found drowned in the quarry 7 years ago. It’s never been mentioned again, and Hopper didn’t know about it, since he didn’t think there had been any unusual deaths in the town in decades. That would have been while he was still in the big city. Was that death due to Kali’s escape? Did the lab successfully cover it up, or was it Kali who dumped the body?

The lab and the Upside Down conspired to make El’s second situation temporary as well. She ended up wandering in the woods, with the lab under reorganization. Kali ended up on the city streets far away, with the lab still run by Brenner. Hawkins was too dangerous to stay in or near for very long.

At the end of season 1, El had another patron waiting for her, a father figure who’d lost his own daughter and needed a reason to pull himself out of his crippling grief, depression and addiction. Hopper also had the guilt of betraying El to Brenner to work off, though it doesn’t seem like anyone alive but him knows about it.

So EL had a safe, warm home with a parent, but she was a prisoner. Kali was on the streets, but she was free. Both were still angry and lost inside, not knowing who they were, without purpose in their lives, without biological family or roots to fall back on. The Lost Sister has layers of meaning for both sisters.

Kali assembled a gang of angry outcasts like herself, and they began to work through their anger by feeding on it, making revenge and street justice their careers. It’s a dangerous game, and she can’t get too close to anyone in her gang, because the truth of her past is still too dangerous to share. Her life is still empty in many ways.

El, on the other hand, spent a year clinging to hope and the word “soon’, trying to believe Hopper when he told her that she’d be able to live openly in the world before long. When she reached her limit, he was still caught up in his own emotional issues. He couldn’t see that her issues are real and serious. She can’t just decide to be okay with sitting alone in the cabin with her trauma, and anger, and the need to live her own life, all day, every day. She needs more or she will go crazy, for reals.

It’s scary to me how often I need to write this ⬆️ ⬆️ in recaps. Stop holding women hostage, guys, even when you think it’s for our own good..

So El leaves the cabin and visits Terry. She learns about Kali, and goes to find her. They discover each other and finally they each have someone with shared experiences. It’s like coming home. El and Kali feel an immediate bond.

But, while they share some profound things in common, they are also different people, possibly with different goals and priorities. Kali is a good person, who’s been doing the best she can with her lot in life. But she’s ruled by her hurt and anger. El doesn’t know what she wants yet, but she’s hesitant about killing that isn’t done in the heat of the moment, or to defend a friend in need.

Kali gives El choices every step of the way, unlike everyone else in her entire life. Everyone else has told her what to do, what to think, what to wear, where to go, and what she should see as right and wrong. Even Mike. Many judged her by things that were outside of her control: her past in the lab, her powers, her looks.

El loves being with Kali, but she has reservations about Kali’s lifestyle. Seeing Kali’s choices and being in her world clarifies things for El. She realizes what’s important to her. What she’s willing to sacrifice, and who she’s willing to sacrifice it for. Seeing the images of Brenner trying to manipulate her, combined with images Hopper and Mike in trouble, solidifies her resolution.

El has a family. She has ways of her own to save them. They need her and she needs them. That’s where she belongs. She’ll work things out with Hopper. Get him to understand that she can’t be a prisoner anymore. He can’t physically contain her if she doesn’t let him, anyway. It’s time to go home.

Kali watches El run away and feels like she’s losing one of the few true bright spots in her life. She misses El, and the human connection that El brought her, already. She wonders what El could have in Hawkins that would make her willing to risk sacrificing her freedom for these people.

Kali’s still angry, and doesn’t know if she could get to the point of living the almost normal life that El hopes to have waiting for her. She wonders whether it would be worth following El to Hawkins and trying it out, or whether she should follow and take out her anger on the original source of her pain, the lab itself.

For tonight she needs to focus on escaping the police and finding someplace safe to sleep.

Whisper to a Scream lyrics. That faithless daughter line is interesting.

Some things take forever But with building bricks of trust and love Mountains can be moved

Love come, down upon us ’til you flow like water Burning, with the hope of insight Feathered, look they’re covered with a bright elation Stolen, in the sight of love

We are, we are, we are but your children Finding our way around indecision We are, we are, we are ever helpless Take us forever, a whisper to a scream

Birds fly, in the eye of the faithless daughter Broken, at the bitter end Wasted, sacrifice for a new nirvana Night time, sends us on our way

We are, we are, we are but your children Finding our way around indecision We are, we are, we are ever helpless Take us forever, a whisper to a scream

We are, we are, we are but your children Finding our way around indecision We are, we are, we are ever helpless Take us forever, a whisper to a scream

Stranger Things Season 2 Chapter Seven: The Lost Sister Recap In The Lost Sister, El continues her journey of self discovery with a trip to Chicago to find her psychic sister, 008/Kali.