#his silence is always loud but his openness towards truth and understanding is much louder

[buckleyanddiaz]

neither Helena nor Ramon know that Chris once made a card for Eddie wishing he would have fun and be okay when CHRIS was going on a trip. they don't know that Chris saw Eddie sitting in the kitchen, tired and sad, and told him that he was brave. they weren't there when Chris and Eddie practiced their motto of 'talking about it makes it less scary'. they can't talk for Chris because clearly he thinks differently, he thinks with an empathy and understanding that they haven't realized in El Paso. but that's all that's been happening till now - everyone filling his blanks.

[storiesforallfandoms]

way too hot ~ machine gun kelly

word count: 1608

request?: yes!

“heyyy, I love your writing. do you think you could please do a mgk imagine based off of his and yungbluds new song acting like that? thanks <3″

“Heyyy. I love your writing and I was wondering if you could maybe do a Colson Baker x reader based off of the song he and yungblud did, acting like that? I would really appreciate it if you did. Love your account so much btw!!”

description: in which she comes back to her ex way too often, and he finally decides to confront her about it

pairing: machine gun kelly x female!reader

warnings: swearing

based on this song

masterlist (one, two)

The sound of loud knocking woke Colson from his deep sleep. He checked the time on his phone to see that it was 4am. Normally, Colson’s insomnia would have him awake at this time anyways, but he had been attempting to fix his sleep schedule now that he had some time off, and he was succeeding for the most part.

The knock came again, causing Colson to groan and throw his warm blanket off himself to venture out into his cold house.

He wasn’t shocked to see his ex-girlfriend stood at his door, nearly stumbling into the house.

“Shit,” she breathed. “I-I didn’t mean...I told the cab driver the wrong house. I’m sorry, Colson, I - ”

Colson could smell the alcohol basically wafting off her, mixed with the sweet, familiar scent of her perfume. He sighed and stepped aside. “Come in.”

As he had numerous times before, he gave her a change of clothes and set up the couch for her to sleep on. He helped her to the couch and gave her water and an Aspirin to help with her inevitable hang over in the morning.

(Y/N) drifted off to sleep within seconds. Colson looked down at her, a million things running through his head to say to her. He decided it would be best to wait until the morning before saying anything, when he was less tired and she was less drunk.

After another moment of just gazing down at his once love, he finally made his way back up to his room.

~~~~~~

When he finally came down the next morning, (Y/N) was still sound asleep. Colson knew he should be annoyed, that he probably shouldn’t have even let her stay there that night. But he wasn’t annoyed, far from it. Part of him was almost happy to see her asleep in his house again.

Although, this wasn’t the first time she had stumbled her way to Colson’s place since they had broken up. Colson had lost count of how many times it had happened, and each time she would swear it was the last only to show up again about a week later.

Colson and (Y/N) had agreed to break up nearly six months ago when they found their relationship was starting to struggle due to Colson’s busy schedule. Colson had been trying to move on when she showed up on his doorstep first, so drunk she could barley speak and tears running down her face. Colson had brought her in and allowed her to stay the night, both of them sure it was going to be a one time thing.

He still loved her, he couldn’t deny that, but her constant drunk visits followed by her insistence that it was the last time felt like he was being stabbed in the heart repeatedly. He either wanted to make things work between them again, or to move on from the relationship.

Colson sighed and approached the couch. He gently touched (Y/N)’s leg, and when she didn’t stir he shook her a little. Her eyes slowly began to open, but she winced from the harsh sunlight beaming in from the living room window and groaned.

“Sorry,” Colson said. “Forgot they were open.”

“Colson?” (Y/N) mumbled, her hands covering her eyes as Colson moved to shut the blinds. “Shit, I did it again, didn’t I?”

“You did,” Colson confirmed. “Take the Aspirin I left you, it’ll help with the headache.”

(Y/N) moved slowly as she sat up and reached for the Aspirin. She moved too suddenly once and hissed in pain, which caused Colson to wince himself. He went to the kitchen as to not have to watch her agony much longer. He threw some leftovers into the microwave, enough for the two of them to share, and brought a plate of food to the kitchen for (Y/N).

“You don’t have to do that,” she told him, although she took the plate anyways. “I probably shouldn’t be here long, anyways.”

“You’re still nursing a hangover, no way I’m letting you go anywhere any time soon,” he decided.

Silence fell over the two of them as (Y/N) took a mouthful of her food. Colson snuck a quick glance at her when he was sure she wasn’t looking. Even just awake with a hangover, she looked like the most beautiful girl in the world.

He could feel his heart racing with delight at just having her there, and he realized he couldn’t let things go much further without addressing the elephant in the room.

“Why do you keep doing this, (Y/N)?”

She looked up at him, a fork full of food paused midair towards her lips. She placed it back down on her plate, averting her eyes from Colson. “I...I’m sorry. I’ll stop, it’s just - ”

“I don’t necessarily want you to stop,” Colson cut her off, although that wasn’t really the truth. “I just...I want to know why you keep getting drunk and coming here in the middle of the night. I wanna know why you do that and then you leave immediately and say you want to pretend like nothing ever happened, only to do it all again. I don’t mind helping you sometimes, but fuck (Y/N), you do make it hard to try and move on from our breakup.”

Tears were starting to form in (Y/N)’s eyes. She looked away from Colson in an effort to hide them, but he could see her lip quivering and could see the trail of water running down her cheek.

“Because...I have a hard time letting you go, too,” she responded, her voice soft.

“What?” Colson asked, although he had heard her.

“I have a hard time letting you go, Colson!” she repeated, much louder this time. “I understand that our relationship wasn’t great, but I wanted nothing more than to try and fight for it; for us. I wanted to be the perfect girlfriend who sat by and waited for her rockstar boyfriend to come home so she could shower him with the love and support he deserved, and I wanted to be cool with the constant partying even when you were home, or the guys always being over and never giving us alone time. I tried so hard to be that way. I...I had hoped you weren’t noticing the relationship going south, too. I hoped I could just fake things being okay until they were again.”

He ached to reach out and take hold of her hand. He hated to see her cry and wanted to hold her and comfort her, but he knew that was inappropriate to do in that moment. So, he just sat, watching the girl of his dreams cry over her love for him.

“Why didn’t you say that when we decided to break up?” he asked.

She shook her head. “I figured it was for the best. I felt that we weren’t how we used to be, you were unhappy. I thought we’d both be better off if we broke up.”

“I wasn’t unhappy.”

She looked up at him. “What? Yes you were, you said - ”

“I said I was unhappy that I couldn’t be with you how you deserved. I wasn’t unhappy with the relationship as a whole, I was unhappy with how I was holding up my end of the relationship.”

(Y/N) was shocked into silence. All these months she had believed that Colson was unhappy in their relationship. She had convinced herself that it was her own doing, that she hadn’t been good enough to keep up with his lifestyle. He had never told her he was unhappy with himself.

“You never told me that,” she pointed out.

“I guess neither one of us was really good with communication then.”

(Y/N) smiled a little at this. She had placed her food aside, no longer feeling able to eat. Colson reached for the plate and was about to make his way back to the kitchen when (Y/N) stopped him.

“Do you think there’s any way we could start again?”

Colson paused in the living room doorway before turning back to look at her. “You mean...from the beginning?”

(Y/N) shrugged. “Maybe...I don’t know. At least start from back before your career blew up and we were both trying to navigate these new waters we were unfamiliar with.”

The corner of Colson’s lips tugged up in a slight smile, his heart fluttering with excitement. “I definitely think we could try. As long as we both promise to be open with one another. No more of this thinking we know what’s best for the other. We lay everything out on the table and we talk through our problems.”

(Y/N)’s smile mirrored his own as she nodded. “Yeah, I like that plan.”

Colson nodded as well. He didn’t want to walk away now, he just wanted to go back and join (Y/N) on the couch. He wanted to smoother her in kisses and cuddle her until her hungover headache went away. He wanted to have his girl back in his arms again.

“I’m glad we decided this,” he finally said. “While I love how adorable you act when you’re drunk, you’re truly way too hot to be acting like that.”

(Y/N) raised an eyebrow at him and crossed her arms over her chest. “Oh yeah? Acting like what?”

“Like a crazy drunk ex.”

He began to laugh and ducked out of the room just in time to miss a pillow (Y/N) threw at him in retaliation for his words.

[p---ink]

What’s On Your Mind?

Author’s Note: Hi :) Remember me? I’ve missed you guys, and Tumblr altogether. I felt absolutely guilty about not writing, but the writer’s block was strong on this one guys. And while I’ve had lots of ideas for stories I couldn't quite put them onto paper...or screen. Anyway, wanted to try something new. So this one is about a Thor! I dedicate this one to you @swaggysposts​ since I know you love Chris Hemsworth. Its pretty short, but still, tell me what you think, my love! 

Summary: Avenger reader has a crush on the god of thunder.

Warnings: some lite language and fluff. 

Word Count: 4.7k

Part Two   Part Three

“I’m sorry? Did I hear that right? You said you can what?” Mr. Stark asked, without a doubt forgetting that there were stranger things in the world. 

Clearing my voice, and speaking a bit louder I say, “I can read minds, sir.”

“That’s what I thought you said.” Stark voiced out loud placing a sleek pair of sunglasses on his face. He was still pretty skeptical of my claims, but another part of him was very anxious. Or would the word be embarrassed? Mortified? Yes that was definitely the perfect description.

Whatever the feeling was, I knew the cause was because he knew that if what I was saying was true, he would have to start groveling because of the dirty thoughts that raced through his mind when we first introduced ourselves.  

‘Forgive me for looking Pepper, but this girl has the ass of a professional volleyball player’ was what he thought as he opened the door for me on the way in.

“I can’t hear what you’re thinking though, because It only works through touch.” I lie, as I watch his worry fade away. I needed this job, and I couldn’t be disqualified because of harmless thoughts that we could all be guilty of sometimes. Besides it wasn’t Tony’s fault: these jeans did do wonders for my bottom. 

Something told me though, that if this Pepper weren’t in the picture, he’d have no problem saying what he thought of me out loud. And he was a handsome man, couldn’t be much older than 40, so maybe in another universe I’d consider him. Not this one though. 

“Hey Kid,” Stark started, interrupting my own inappropriate thoughts, “just saying ‘I can read minds’, wont be enough. You’ll have to prove it.”

“Of course! Sorry—” I was cut short by the sound of the thick glass doors of the conference room being slammed against the walls. 

A brown haired boy with deep chestnut eyes, that looked as frantic as the rest of his face, rushed out apology after apology as he took his seat next to the older man. 

Tony, who hadn’t spared the younger boy a glance, said, “Ah, perfect. Tell me what he’s thinking.”

‘Spiderling’ was the name he had assigned him through thought. As I concentrated on his confused features, he looked from me to Stark.

“What who’s thinking? Is Dad—I mean Mr. Stark, referring to me? How could she possibly do that? Oh God, he hasn’t said a word to me since I got here. He must be really upset because I’m late. Geez, I hope he doesn’t take Karen again. I’d rather he kill me.” I repeated, after relaying all of the boy’s thoughts as fast as he could think them. 

“Is she right?” Tony asked the boy. He felt both amazed and amused. Amazed with me, and amused by Spiderling for thinking of him as a dad. He would never let him live that one down. 

After swallowing his astonishment, and turning his attention from me, Spiderling answered “Yes.”

“Good. And at least we both agree on your punishment. I’d rather kill you, too. Saves me less trouble in the future.” Tony stated. He was punishing him because apparently this was the third time he’s been late to the interviews he was supposed to be in charge of. 

Spiderling let alarm overtake his features, but before he could say anything, Tony continued on with more questions. 

“Do you have any other skills, we should know about?”

“Well just a bit of hand to hand combat. But it still needs a lot of work. Other than that no—”

“How did this happen?” Spiderling interrupted, wonder getting the best of him.

“Kid,” Tony starts, but he goes ignored by Spiderling. 

“Were you bitten by some kind of radioactive insect like me? Or are you super smart like Mr. Stark? Or perhaps it was gamma radiation like Dr. Banner! Or maybe a super serum like Mr. Rogers!—”

“Don’t make me remove your batteries, junior!” Tony interrupted, then he looked to me. “I’m sorry. He’ll keep going if you don’t nip it in the bud early.”

But he didn’t have to tell me that. His own mind, like Spiderling’s, was racing a mile a minute. 

“No its fine really. He’s just curious.” I reply with a chuckle. “And to answer your question Spiderling: maybe I was born with it, or maybe its Maybeline.”

I began to grow embarrassed by their silence at my terrible joke, until Spiderling stifled a chuckle. “I get it!” He said between snickers. “Wait why’d you call me Spiderling?” He asked. ‘Is she picking on me?’ He thought. 

Needing to correct his thoughts to clear up any offense I say, “No! I would never pick on you, I just thought that was your name because Mr.—”

“Y/N, was it?” Tony interrupts, yet again. “I think you’d make an excellent addition to our team! When can you start?” 

“Really?” I ask gleaming, ignoring the fact that he wanted me to shut for outing what he really thought of his younger protégé. “I can start right away! Thank you so much for this opportunity!”

“Yeah, don’t mention it.” He hurried. “F.R.I.DAY, will prepare your room, and Peter here will show you around.”

At that Peter hopped to his feet mind racing with thoughts of excitement on the hopes of a future friendship. “Follow me!” He said, grabbing my hand.

“Not so fast, champ. I need to speak with Ms. L/N alone for a moment.” Tony stated, nodding at Peter as he excused himself from the room. 

Tony cleared his throat, and relayed his thoughts, thoughts that were hard to separate from Peter’s louder ones earlier. “So Y/N,” He started towards me, leaning in close as he chose his words carefully. “I couldn’t help but notice, that you didn’t need to touch Parker nor I to read our thoughts. Care to explain?”

Flustered at being caught I stumble across my words as I try to explain, “Ah yes, well its rare, but sometimes I don’t need to touch the person.”

“Mmm.” Tony hummed, not believing a word I said, and I knew then the gig was up.

Cocking my head, and wearing a semi-sympathetic expression I say, “Don’t worry. I don’t even know who Pepper is.” 

And before Stark could protest, I ran to Peter’s side, so we could begin the tour around my new home. 

That was all a little over eight months ago. And so much had changed now. Peter’s hopes became true. We were the best of friends. His boy-like charm never grew old to me, and nor did my gifts to him.

“Cerulean” I’d say, when he’d think things like ‘What’s your favorite color?’. He always thought questions like that as a sort of game. I never got tired of playing along. 

It seemed to never click in his mind though that he could never scare or surprise me when he hid behind corners or couches, because I could hear his thoughts before he got the chance to. 

But besides the little stunts he’d try to pull by hiding his thoughts in order to frighten me, Peter was as transparent as they were. The boy was an open book, and he rarely kept a secret. It made us perfect friends, because he never seemed to get tired of me knowing every single detail about him. 

Though the other avengers treated me like family, Peter seemed to be the only one welcoming of my “gift”. 

If you asked Steve, he’d think something along the lines of “I’m too old for this shit” when I’d answer questions he hadn’t had the chance to ask. Then he’d immediately curse himself, for thinking a swear word when I’d tease him with one of the team’s inside jokes, like “language.”

Bucky tried his hardest to keep his thoughts in a vault, but it never worked. I knew exactly how many dead bodies he had under his belt, and where he kept his hidden stash of plums. 

Natasha, however, never tried to hide her kill count. She always made it a point to up the number by one as a threat to me, every time I accidentally crept inside her head. I always made it a point to keep my distance whenever she was deep in reflection.

Banner was interesting. His mind had two voices of course, and neither one of them gave a shit about whether I heard them or not. There were the deep thoughts that I struggled to understand most of the time, then others were one-word sentences only. They were louder than the rational side of his brain. 

“La, la, la, la, la”, was literally all that Sam would think whenever there was something he wanted to hide. Sometimes he’d do it just to piss me off, because he knew if I said to ‘knock it off’, he could accuse me of evading his thoughts in the first place. 

In truth, I never tried to read what they were thinking. I found the process invasive, and distracting from my own feelings. I worked hard to shut it all out, doing my best to make truth of that lie I told Stark all those months ago. But it was very draining, and took more energy than my body could exert. One person was easy enough to ignore, but more than ten, proved to be a task.

Most of my entire life I spent working in order to shut out all of the world around me. I avoided crowds whenever I could, blasted my music through my headphones whenever I couldn’t, and made sure to drug my body heavily with painkillers and vitamins whenever the last two weren’t options. 

It was so much work just to go out into the world. So much work until I met him. 

The son of Odin was the only person whose thoughts I would pay to hear. Coincidentally, he was also the only person who’s thoughts I couldn’t read. I could never hear him, I would only ever feel him. He radiated a rare intensity I had never felt before. His thoughts, or should I say feelings, even managed to drown out all of those around him. I had no choice but to focus on him whenever he was around. 

When I was with him, he literally clouded my brain. I didn’t have to work to shut him or the others out. He did it for me. 

I usually thought that was refreshing. But in the time I grew to know him, I found it mostly frustrating at times. 

You could say I liked him, but that would be putting it lightly. 

Liking someone for me, was a rare luxury. My crushes were always narrowed down to celebrities, and other people who didn’t know I existed. 

It was a pain to date people whose thoughts about you were always on display.

And if you thought dating was hard as a telepath, try having sex. Imagine being able to hear all of your partner’s most inner thoughts about the faces you make when you cum, or discovering that you have a small birthmark on your ass that you would otherwise know nothing about. 

Yeah, it wasn’t the greatest experience.  

I had never experienced the actual joys of feelings for someone, and wondering if they liked me back. Thor was my first. And chances are, he would never feel the same way. 

He was a literal god, and he lived up to that fact. I was just an average Midgardian, with a silly school-girl crush. It would never happen. 

Silly thing that Fate was. She had to make the only man I found irresistible, unattainable too. What a bitch. 

“Hey. Are you ready?” Natasha asked referring to our daily training. 

“Yes, what’s on the agenda today?” I ask, a bit confused that she isn’t in her workout attire. 

“Well you’ll h–”

“What? Why?” I squeak, before she can finish her thought…well before she can finish her sentence. According to her thoughts, I’d now be training with Odinson.

“I think you’ve graduated from me, kiddo. You can read my thoughts fast enough to predict as well as react to all of my oncoming moves.” Natasha relayed, a hint of sadness detectable through her words. Though she behaved like an older sister to me, she would miss throwing me around on the mat. “We’ll have to see how you do against someone whose actions you can’t predict, just in case that problem comes up out in the field.” She informed me while walking away, before I could confront her. 

“Can’t it be someone else?” I yell to her, but she doesn’t answer. 

“You wound me, Y/N.” That deep familiar voice bellowed from behind me. “And here I thought you enjoyed my company.”

Oh you have no idea, I thought to myself, as I spun on my feet to face him. I craned my neck to peer up at his eyes. One was a pretty hazel, while the other a deep blue. Cerulean. Funny how he’s the reason I’ve grown so fond of the color after all of these months.

“It’s not that I don’t like you. I just don’t think its fair is all. You know? With you being a god.”

“You’re worried you won’t be able to handle me? Do not fret. I wouldn’t dream of giving you more than you could handle.” He said, wiggling his brows suggestively, while flashing a smile. I suppose I failed to mention that he was a massive flirt that could put even Tony Stark to shame. “I promise to take it easy on you.” He furthered, smirking and winking his hazel orb.

“Why do I feel like your idea of taking it easy is vastly different from mine.” I say, trying to settle the butterflies. 

“Whatever you’ve heard about me is nonsense. I’m a merciful master.” He assured.  “We’ll just do some light work today: of course we’ll start with stretching, then 30 laps around the facility to build your stamina, a few hours of work on the machines to build your muscle—because my lady you are a dainty little thing, and then we’ll end the day with an hour or two of sparring.” 

At the sight of my dumbstruck face, Thor says, “I’m sorry that must be too light. How does 50 laps and three hours of sparring, sound?”

“Are you joking?”

“You’re right. I have some matters to attend to on Asgard, but I think we can squeeze in 75 laps, take it or leave it.”

Realizing how deathly serious he was, I quickly say, “I’ll leave it. Let’s get started.”  Deciding to address the subject of excessive training later, I turn to begin my stretches. 

Quiet. As usual. I was alone with my thoughts, which was something that only happened quite literally when I was alone. I couldn’t help but be immensely aware of his presence.

Moments like these i’d die to know what he was thinking. Especially when I could feel his stare. It burned worse than fire on my skin. 

Fire couldn’t compare to his actual touch, however. The same touch I now felt on my upper back.  For a man who weighed over 600 pounds, he was as stealthy as a cat when he wanted to be. His thick fingers against my spine raised goosebumps to my flesh. I would have jumped out of my body if he wasn’t there to keep me grounded. 

“My apologies. It was not my intention to startle you.” He informed, through a deep hearty chuckle. “I just needed to correct your form. Your time on the field will suffer if you continue with your training like this.” 

“Oh.” I replied, tensing a bit as one of his hands traveled around to my stomach and the other pushed against my spine to straighten my posture. My mind was hazy, and if I had even understood the words he spewed a moment ago, that status now changed.

“It all makes me wonder what the Lady Spider has been teaching you.” He continued, as if he didn’t notice the change in my demeanor. “Better.” 

When he stepped away from me, I released a small shaky breath. “What’s on your mind?” He asked. Maybe he did notice the change.

I mentally decided that I would ask him the months-long question I had always wondered about. “What’s on yours.” I state instead of ask, trying to resume my stretches.

“Pardon?” Thor asked. “Do you wonder about what is I ponder? Or is that your answer?

“Both.” I say without hesitation. “Why can’t I read your mind?”

“I’m afraid that’s by design, my lady.”

I stop stretching and turn around to ask, “How?” He had my full attention now. 

Shortly after he corrected my posture, Thor had propped himself up against one of the machines to properly examine my form while I stretched. I tried to ignore how awkward that made me feel. 

“Since an early age I’ve had to learn to guard my thoughts.” He stated. “My brother is the God of Mischief, and Loki often played games of the mind. Mother took notice of how much it was ailing me, and taught me a few useful tricks on how to keep him out. I guess I’ve always practiced them, even in his absence. I don’t know if I even know how to stop it.”

“Oh.” I breathed out. Trying to make sense of his words. 

While I was doing that, he asked,“May I ask why it is you wish to know? I thought you hated your gift.”

“I do. But I guess it still feels odd to not be able to use it on someone. I have no clue what you’re thinking let alone how you feel about me. It unsettles me.” I immediately regretted saying the last part as soon as it was out. 

His reaction did not aid my embarrassment. A thunderous laugh erupted from his throat. It was the kind of laugh that you could feel in your abs, and I knew this because his whole torso shook as it spread through his vocal cords. He was genuinely amused. 

His amusement prompted me to ask, “What’s so funny?”

“How I feel about you.” I think he mutter softly, before following a little louder to himself, “It’s weakened you.” 

“What did you say?” I never had to ask someone to repeat themselves unironically, until I met him. 

“Your ability I mean. It has impaired you.”

“I don’t understand what you mean.”

“I think the word is ‘spoiled’. Yes that seems to be the perfect descriptor.” He teased.

His words made me feel small and silly. Almost insignificant. “Excuse me?”

Sensing my irritation, he quickly told me, “I meant no disrespect. Its just most of your kind and some of mine are not awarded the same privileges that you have. We rely on body language and hidden meanings behind words to determine how someone feels. Well with the exception of me of course, because who would not adore me?” He joked. “But that’s beside the point. You have not yet learned how to read between the lines. Which is why I unsettle you.”

“I know how to read body language, I’m not an idiot.” I say a bit more sharply than I intended. My sense of inferiority getting the best of me.

“I’m not implying that you are, just that if it were not for your talent you would know have known what was on my mind ages ago.”

“That makes no sense. If I couldn’t read minds, i’d be in the same place I am now: unable to know what it is you think.”

“My dear, even if you could read my mind it would make no difference, for I’ve already made my feelings towards you painfully clear. One need not the aid of your capabilities.”

“Thor, could you stop the riddles—”

He ignored my pleas and kept going. “But just to be explicitly clear this time, since obviousness is lost on you—” 

“Stop insulting—”

“I shall tell you how I feel about you.” He stepped and leaned in closer, as if what he was about to say was a secret meant for only my ears.  “Listen closely because I will say this but once, so be wary not to misunderstand: I desire you.” He explained, words dripping with the utmost sincerity. 

My brain started racing. And I suddenly realized just how close he was. “You desire me?” I repeated to myself.

“Yes. I desire you.” He stated again, anticipating my uncertainty. 

If my heart wasn’t beating fast before, it surely was now. My poor ribcage wasn’t built for this.

“A-A-as a friend right?” I stutter out. “Because we aren’t, we aren’t close, like the rest of the team? Yes,” I breathe out. “That has to be what you mean.” I say that last part more to myself than to him. Clearly I’ve misunderstood his words, even though he warned me not to.

“While I would value a companionship, I’m afraid that is not all I mean when I say I desire you.”

“Eerr” Words are hard to form all of the sudden. Stammering out sounds is all that I can do. 

The air around us stilled, and it was pregnant with silence. He gave me a moment to think before asking, “Would you like further explanation.”

“Yes please.” I rush out quickly. “I think that will clear things up a bit more.”

“Right it would. Well If you wish to know what’s on my brain when you’re near, I shall tell you.” His words are teasingly slow, and he knows this.

"But I doubt,” He continues, “i’ll be able to properly convey just how bad I long to be in your presence when you are gone. Just how much I battle myself when it comes to finding any excuse to touch you. As you know, I lost one of those battles today. I don’t know if you can handle, just how much I imagine your warm embrace to be. How tender I’ve imagined your lips to feel. I just know them to be softer than rose petals and sweeter than nectar.”

“In fact,” He started. I could almost physically see the lightbulb go off over his head. And then, he began ridding us of the rest of our space, extending his long arm to snake around my waist, and pulling me against his chest at a speed faster than lighting. “If it’s okay with you, I’d like to put that theory to test.”

It was like a lucid dream. I was only allowed to watch everything play out before me, without the luxury of making any actions myself. It took great focus on my part to even will my head to move. My nod was so subtle I was unsure if he could even see it. But the God of Thunder had more than enough to go off on.

He joined the hand around my waist with his other, and shortly after I could feel my feet rise from the ground. My hands that were previously glued to his chest, found their place behind his neck to support the rest of my body. His head met me the rest of the way, before he blanketed his lips over mine.  

He released one of the hands around my waist, to bring it up to my face. His fingers, now fastened to my jaw, slightly parted my lips allowing him to further explore my mouth with his. As massaged my tongue with his own, I could feel his eyelashes dance across my cheeks. That’s how close he was.

Most beards are scratchy and rough, but his felt like silk against my skin. His lips were even softer, and were like velvet in comparison. 

I inhaled the scent of rain on freshly cut grass. It reminded me of dewy meadows and Irish springs. His touch was firm, but he managed to hold me with care, like a bull who had trained for years with the sole purpose of entering a china shop. 

He tasted like what summer felt like, if you could make sense of it. The kiss had the same intensity behind severe thunderstorms. Beautiful but deadly. I found myself teetering on the edge of a cliff: desperate to chase this thrill, but also wary of whether or not it was worth dying for. 

I mentally decided that I could expire in his arms, and be perfectly content with that decision.

I got more into it. I thought that if this was a dream I’d take full advantage of it. Surely dream Thor would be fine with me taking over the kiss. It felt only natural. 

I decided it was time for my tongue to do the exploring. My lips needed to memorize the feel of his. My hands wanted to study every strand of hair that lived on the nape of his neck. That was only fair right?

I was enjoying his embrace so much, that I mistook the spinning in my head for shock from kissing a god, instead of the telltale signs of an impending headache. The lack of air in my lungs was because he took my breath away in a figurative sense, instead of the literal physical sense it actually was. The ache that spread throughout my body wasn’t because of the suffocating grip he had to keep me pressed to his chest, but because our bodies were on the brink of fusing into one. 

On second thought, maybe dying in his arms is more painful than I previously thought. 

I tapped out, and he immediately released me, placing me gently on the ground. I struggled for air, but it was like he didn’t miss a beat. Not a drop of sweat in sight on his gorgeous face. Instead, I could see a bright smile forming. 

“Are my thoughts clear enough, now?” He asked, breaking out into smirk.

But I had no time to acknowledge his joke, for I could feel reality setting back in. And reality is, I was a flustered fuck. 

“I’m sorry.” I stammered. “I must be holding you from your business on Asgard!”

“What? No—”

But he had no time to argue, for in a flash I was already gathering my gym bag and heading for the door.

“What about your training?” I heard him yell.

“I’m sorry! Maybe another time!” And after that, I practically sprinted to get out of earshot before he could protest or stop me. 

I raced passed Peter who was on his way into the gym. “Y/N! Are you okay?” I heard him yell. But what was strange is that I couldn’t hear him think it, despite being more than enough distance away from Thor.

“I’m fine.” I yelled back, hoping he wouldn’t follow. Maybe Peter’s mouth was faster than his thoughts.

No. That wasn’t it, because as I raced through the tower, everyone’s minds were silent, even though they were chatting casually with one another. That never happened. 

I burst through the nearest lady’s room, desperate to calm my nerves, when I saw Natasha applying red lipstick.  The action by itself wasn’t disturbing, but the expression she wore was.

“Don’t tell the others.” She voiced, in a threatening tone.

“Don’t tell the others what?” I asked confused. Maybe she’d be able to take my mind off of things. 

She looked at me like I had grown two heads, much like the first day we met when I proved that I could read her thoughts. “I know you read them. But this is different Y/N, the guys will never let me live this one down.”

“Nat, what are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about the date.”

“You’re going on a date?” No wonder she was so panicked. The woman was more comfortable with killing than she was with being vulnerable.

“Yes—What is wrong with you?” She half-yelled, interrupting herself as if she just realized something was wrong.

I had, had enough with trying to not think about him, because the task was damn near impossible so I decided to just say it. “Thor admitted his feelings for me. And then we kissed!” I cried. 

Oh, Nat mouthed, taking a more comfortable position against the bathroom sink. She leaned against its counter, and crossed her arms,“And now you can’t take your mind off of him.”

It was my turn to look at her like she was a lunatic. “How did you know that? Are you a mind-reader too?”

Song for the Chapter: Waiting For You by the Aces:  Pretty Self-explanatory lyrics. Think of the song from Thor’s POV

part II

A/N: If you made it this far, don’t be afraid to tell me what you think :)

[vidalinav]

Because You’re an Asshole (One-shot)

Contains ACOSF Spoilers. 

Look, Cassian needs to drink some respect Nesta Archeron juice (as they all do). I hope to god he gains some perspective in this book, and he doesn’t continue this stupidity of reducing Nesta to butchery status. (Raises glass) Here’s hoping this lug nut starts making an effort. But this fic is purely self-indulgent because well... I’m the fic writer. So I can do what I want. 

Summary: Nesta rejects Cassian in front of the Inner Circle (Takes place in my head a couple of months after first 6 chapters)

Nesta wouldn’t say she had changed much, but to her sister and their group of friends she’d say she might as well have been a different person. For they pretended not to stare as she arrived with Cassian in tow. Some extraterrestrial creature in the middle of a restaurant.

She greeted the owner, Sevenda, lifting her lips into a polite smile and nodding when she caught Nesta’s gaze.

“Hello, sweet girl,” The female gushed, “I didn’t think you were helping out today... please don’t tell me one of the others conned you into taking their shift.”

Nesta shook her head shyly as Cassian told the female they were meeting the rest of them for a late dinner. Sevenda kissed him on the cheek, and Nesta wondered how one person could show so much affection when she could barely muster a proper laugh.

Truthfully, the only reason she made it to this dinner at all was because Bryaxis had asked her to. He’d been in the middle of telling her how the stars moved on an axis, and how the shadows were often wandering souls. He had so many stories to tell in that dark place in the library, but he’d wanted stories too. He was persistent, pushy…persuasive and Nesta could not let down her new friend when all he wanted to do was know about the outside world.

Nesta knew enough about being ostracized. She felt for the monster for she was a monster too. Cast away to the darkened ends of the library.  

But, Nesta wanted this night to be over. She’d promised Bryaxis ten minutes and ten minutes only. She could survive that long on fake grins.  

She tried not to sigh audibly as Sevenda showed them to the table, where the others already sat. Laughing loudly... then quieting to silence as they neared.

Nesta should have felt offended. But she couldn’t find it in herself to care too much.

The night would be over soon enough anyways.

True, Amren had visited her in the library just last week and they’d been cordial. She saw Mor on a regular basis to winnow to Windhaven, and Azriel was always there. It seemed odd to her now that they stared as if she were someone new. Someone they didn’t know at all.

Perhaps, though, it was because she’d agreed to come in the first place and when she did, she’d allowed Cassian to accompany her there. Though she suspected the offer was more because they were all still wary of her change, her calmness.

Nesta wouldn’t have called it that herself.

She hadn’t stopped being angry, she’d been born angry. Raged and kicked her way to this world.

Nesta just merely stopped... fighting back.

There was a peace in that, she supposed. Even if the thought sometimes made her want to hurt something and then herself for letting it happen.

Most of the time she was just detached enough to smile when someone called her name and when they left she’d go back to staring off into space, the dust like hidden galaxies floating through the filtered sunlight. It was what Nesta liked about the library in truth. That most didn’t bother her when she’d looked out the array of windows, up on those tall ladders, ready to see Velaris in a tiny frame.

In this way, the world was a lot smaller than she’d realized.

Less frightening.

And because the world was less frightening, the people in it, too, were less mean. She’d wandered after her workday, tired, but with a furious curiosity for more, like a hunger she couldn’t satisfy, and she’d ended up here. At Sevenda’s--the female greeting her and offering her a meal, even when Nesta told her she didn’t have the money to pay.

On the house then, the female said.

It was the best meal she’d ever had and Nesta had come back every time she could. Helping with the books, with inventory, while the owner patted her on the shoulder, her cheek, and brought her something new to try. Like a doting grandmother.

It felt odd, she thought seeing the rest in a large booth to the wall. This place, too, did not belong to her...

“No need to order,” the female proclaimed, “I know what you all like.”

Nesta waited for Cassian to scooch into the booth before she sat on the outskirts. Easy access to the door. Easy to leave.

But the others didn’t bother her much. Distantly, as if Nesta was not in the room, she could hear their voices begin again. To each other of course. Never to her. Though she’d accepted it long ago that she would never be what they wanted. They would never be what she needed.  

Cassian laughed. The sound hurting her ears. He never laughed like that with her. Nesta supposed she wasn’t that funny… and she wasn’t really his friend.

Instead, Nesta looked to the restaurant. Alive in all it’s glory. Loud and bright. She looked to the waitstaff. Most of them she’d met already, worked with some of them, and they smiled or waved when they saw her. Nesta lifted her hand to greet them, too.

One of the girls, Amina, brought out waters for the table.

Amina grinned when she saw her there.

But she did not leave when the cups had been set. Instead, she lingered, lowering her voice and leaning  towards her. “We’re going to the symphony tomorrow if you want to come.”

“And you must come,” Sevenda said, coming from behind with a plate of appetizers in her hand. Something to tide them over.  

Nesta blinked at the two females, unsure of what to say—what to do.

“I’ve never been to symphony before,” Nesta answered.

Sevenda set the bread in the middle of the table, and then raised a hand to her chest dramatically. “You’ll just adore it. Grand tales, handsome males, intriguing music all around. Perhaps, I’ll gather more of the staff and we’ll make a whole day of it.”

Nesta shook her head, waving her hands slightly. “You’re pretty busy, you don’t have to—”

“Nonsense, sweet girl,” She said, raising a hand to Nesta’s cheek. She could feel the warmth on her face. “Nobody would be too busy for you.”

Nesta smiled at that, a testament to how much she had changed that she’d allowed the touch and a triumph at how Nesta felt something other than nothing at all.

“I’ll be right back,” Sevenda noted chipperly. “Eat some bread.”

As the female left, Nesta didn’t want to look at the rest of the group, didn’t want to see how they would judge her, didn’t want to see if she cared or not. They’d meant to heal her. Did they think they were successful?

Cassian gazed down at her, his eyes uncommonly fond. All Nesta thought was that she was probably not embarrassing any longer.

She wondered if seeing her tolerated by others made him realize that she was tolerable.

Because, Nesta had not been tolerable to him this morning.

“You know, we can go to the symphony,” Cassian suggested, the apples of his cheeks blooming a dust of red. Nesta’s brows furrowed at the words. Her lips tilting down into an expression that might have been quizzical. "Some time... together I mean.”

Nesta looked at the others, but it seemed they were trying not to snicker, or they were too curious at what she would do. Rhysand tried to hide his smirk, Azriel held onto the bridge of his nose, Mor raised a brow as if she couldn’t believe what she was hearing, Amren took a sip of wine, rolling her eyes, and Feyre... well Feyre looked to her.

Say something, her eyes seemed to say.

But Nesta went to gaze at the people around her, happy and conversing at their own tables. The noise a rum drum lur of heartbeats and shouts and quiet whispers of some things she’d never be able to listen to even if she tried to read their lips.

This was... life, she thought. A cacophony of angry yells and laughter.

She’d almost forgotten what it sounded like...

But it wasn’t because of him that she could now recognize the notes. A song Nesta desperately wanted to hear. It wasn’t because of them at this table... and Nesta wondered what made Cassian suggest this. In front of his friends.

Did he think she would not easily reject him?

Didn’t he know she was a private person?

“Cassian, what’s my favorite color?”

He simply blinked, surprised by her words. She waited for his answer, but it never came.  

Nesta continued.

“What’s my favorite drink?” She asked.

Still Cassian said nothing.

“What time do I usually get up in the morning? It’s certainly not the time I’m forced to train with you.”

Cassian didn’t answer and instead of it making her angry, it just made her irrevocably sad.

“How about... my favorite book?”

“You’ve read so many how could you choose,” he said. Nesta huffed a laugh.

She’d read the same book for the past three months because she couldn’t stand to open a new one. There was something about the familiarity that comforted her and the thought of meeting new characters, entering new worlds scared her for reasons she was only beginning to understand. That book had been sitting in the living room every morning. Every night.

Nesta leaned forward, her cheek resting on her palm. The action made her breasts push up in her dress and she noticed the way his eyes lingered on them.

“No?” She asked, somberly, shaking her head. “How about the food I hate. The thing I’m most scared of.  Excited about... Nothing?”

Nesta waved her hand, her voice growing louder, “I mean I know you know how little I eat, how bad I fight, how much weight I’ve lost. You’re very good about reminding me. But do you know... where I even go in the evenings?”

She looked down wrinkling her nose as she huffed a laugh, “You know I get nightmares every night... you must hear them in that room above mine.” She pointed to Azriel. “He does. He asked me about them once. I think I told him some lie or another... but have you ever asked? Have you even asked how I’ve been doing? How I feel? You certainly didn’t ask whether I wanted to train with you but of course that was settled fairly quickly.”  

She took a deep breath, waiting for him to speak but he didn’t. Nesta fiddled with her napkin, unfolding it and then looked to the ceiling. She could see the dust float around the rounded lights.

“You know I hate to do this in front of your friends,” She lifted a hand in their direction, looking to Cassian once more. “I’m sure they have such high opinions of you. Their opinions of me, of course, are already very low. A bitch, I’m assuming is what I’ll be called today. Probably, to make your pride feel a little bit better. A little less wounded... Maybe they’ll believe it themselves too, because well,” Nesta shrugged, “the evidence is already there. It’s the nature of the circumstances I suppose.”

“It’s rather funny I think,” though Nesta didn’t laugh. “You don’t know anything about me. You want to go on a date?”

She lifted her hands up. Innocence personified. “I mean I’m assuming that what’s you meant by us going together to the symphony. We’re clearly not close enough to presume a casual friendly outing and everyone in this room and their mothers know we have some sort of history or they wouldn’t ask about it every time they see me or whisper it when they see us together.”

She smiled, her cheeks straining from the pull. “But for all that history... you know nothing about me. Instead, you have confused your emotions for ‘I’m sure she’s such a good fuck.’ Was it the boobs, the ass? The face maybe? I get that all the time.” Nesta gestured to the room around them, aware that she was making a scene, “Ask anyone of these males who’ve slept with me, I’m sure you’ll find one at any given moment...”

She clasped her hands together, crossing her legs as if she were holding a business meeting. Nesta raised a shoulder. “But at least they didn’t pretend. When they wanted to sleep with me, well... they just said they wanted to sleep with me. Unfortunately, if that’s what you want, you’ll have to buy me a drink first because I’ll have to be much drunker than this.”

Nesta leaned back in her seat. She couldn’t stop fidgeting, like the adrenaline had made her want to fight. She inhaled audibly, a low sound, exhaling lightly.

Cassian looked ashamed.

She tilted her head at that expression, feeling much calmer already.

“Look. As much I hate to admit this, a strict routine has done me some good. Maybe that’s why I can speak these words so truthfully,” Nesta said, her voice casual. “But do not ever think I have forgotten that I am as much a prisoner in my own body that I am in the House of Wind. I have little choice in anything regarding my life, even before this war. But this... I can choose this.”

Nesta refused to look at the rest of them as she lifted a hand to her neck, rubbing the muscle, suddenly tired and achy. “Not only have you bombarded my life in ways I didn’t expect nor ask for, you consistently touch me without my permission, get into my space when I am uncomfortable, push me when I am irritated. Why would I want to go out with you—A male who does not respect me?”

“I hope you didn’t think that me healing or whatever you called it,” She gestured away, “meant we’d be together... Time has already changed, unfortunately. Without us knowing it has slipped us by. Drifted right through our fingers...” She took a breath, staring at the lights on the ceiling. ���We’re different people now...”

Nesta looked him straight in the eyes. Willed him to listen to her, really listen. “I won’t wait 500 years for you. I want more.” She shrugged, the light of Cassian’s eyes dimming. “I want better.”

She picked up her things, piling the plates and cup on top of each other. Making sure the napkin was neatly folded. Nesta swallowed, the heaviness setting in. She peered up at Cassian, his hair wild, stray pieces falling out from the leather band. His eyes bright and a hollow amber. “I want you to know that it isn’t because you’re a bastard. I’m sure you’ll think that when you go over this conversation later. But I’m not rejecting you because you’re a bastard... It’s because you’re an asshole.”

Nesta stood up to leave, but Cassian grabbed her hand. She peered down at him. He’d always been taller than her. It seemed odd to see him so small.

“What about me? You don’t know anything about me either.”

Nesta laughed, a small, short sound. “Your favorite color is red.”

Mor’s favorite color, too.

“Your favorite food? Stew, because it reminds you of Illyria. You’re scared of thunder, because it makes you think of your wings being shredded, or at least that’s what you told Azriel when you didn’t think I was paying attention. You like to drink whiskey when something bad happens, but rum when you're celebrating, and you have nightmares too. I suspect they’re probably the same as mine.”

She smiled at him, a melancholic tilt of her lips for those bittersweet memories—for those bittersweet dreams. Cassian looked dejected and she wanted to smooth away the lines with her fingers, but she’d been hurt for far too long from far too many people who’d promised they protect her, so Nesta clenched her fists instead.

“I’m glad we had this chat today.” She looked around the table, grimacing as she tried to smile. The others looked to her as if they were seeing her for the first time. This girl who’d calmy told the commander to go fuck himself. “Please don’t invite me to anymore of these.”

And with that Nesta left, nodding a farewell to Sevenda, coming out with a large tray of food. Two minutes and she was already making her way out the door.  

~

You know these really make me feel better about everything I have to process. But I am so tired, because I can’t sleep waiting for this book. So is this fic good? I don’t know. I can barely read it through.  

But I keep ranting, like everyday. 

So, one rant=one mini fic 

lol so now I have to go write the Nesta sticks up for Cassian fic (which is different than I think you’ll think it is) My work performance is really going to go down this week. But at least this one is uwu status (i.e. fluff--mostly)

Bye.

[elriell]

The Seer of Shadows

Chapter One—  A Fateful Return

It came once more, cold and forceful as it so often did, ripping open her thoughts and bleeding through her unconscious mind. It surged like a powerful river, the running rapids numbed her hearing completely, the soft dreamworld fading to a dark loveless expanse. The terror would only continue to grow inside her, though asleep her whole body seizing with dread, spilling over into reality and it would end how it inevitably always did.

Feyre had thought to comfort her throughout many months, speaking of how the nightmares would get easier and with time the dark clouds that settled over her during sleep would slowly grow weaker and would eventually go away all together. However what she had not told her sister, nor anyone for that matter was that the opposite was true. For her nightmares where only growing stronger, and her sleep shorter each day.

Elain’s scream clawed itself out her throat violently, weaved its way through the night settling in the air, chilling her own blood.  

As she attempted to calm her racing heart which could be heard pounding in her ear like war drums, she knew she could not go on like this for much longer the short bursts of sleep scarcely got her through the day and she grew paler and frailer by the day. It was infinitely frustrating feeling powerless, the backpeddling of her recovery since that terrifying day at the Cauldron, but try as she might she was wilting away like one of her favorite flowers during the winter season.

Disturbing her from her musings a sharp crisp knock sounded at the door. It was during these moments she became most afraid, because the truth was, she never quite knew whether she was dreaming whilst asleep or drifting whilst awake, her visions felt so real, so true, it confused even her own mind. As dread heighten once again, she tugged at the sheets, submerging herself beneath them willing the horrible images that flickered in front of her eyes though her lids remained closed.  

Gentle but firm, the voice called out, “Elain?” At first it was dulled by the ringing in her ears until it came again, louder, clearer, finally breaching her murky thoughts.  

At that her heart felt like it came to a stop momentarily, though it made her feel better to hear his comforting voice, the male on the other side of the door did little to slow the rhythm of her heart.

Taking a deep breath, once then twice more, she vocalized her internal thoughts. “Azriel, what are you doing awake so late?” Or early she supposed, depending on how you looked at it. She hadn’t been aware he had returned after so many weeks away; the shadow-singer had been gone on an important task with the Illyrians, alongside her sister and Cassian. Rhysand had casually informed her over dinner one night after she couldn’t bear to wonder any longer and perked up the nerve to ask, she had not realized quite how accustomed she had become to his quiet strength and companionship. Ordinarily she might not have noticed his absence quite so much, however with Nesta ‘s departure to the mountains as well it had left quite the notable hole in her life.  

“I was returning from the mountains when I thought I heard a scream from the other end of the house, I thought I would seek out the source of the sound. Are you alright?” Azriel paused, he seemed apprehensious to continue but his voice picked back up again, just as clear as before. “May I come in if it is not an imposition.”

Casting a glance down herself she was relieved to see she appeared relatively decent, though sweat lined her temple and her hair was a tangled mess from thrashing about, she supposed he had seen her in far worse states throughout the years. Smoothing her hand through the tendrils in a half-hearted attempt to separate the sweat plastered hair lining her face, and righting the nightwear from off her shoulder.

“Of course.” She replied with a confidence she did not truly feel though the quiver in her voice almost certainly betrayed her.

The door released gently and as it unlocked the candlelight from the hall trickled in slowly, the glow framed his shape casting the rest of him in shadows but there was no doubt who the tall figure with broad wings belonged too, sapphire syphons glimmering across his torso, they seemed to thump steadily almost in unison with her own heart.

There was a stillness in him that set her on edge, though it had only been a few weeks it seemed like a lifetime ago as he stood quietly in the doorframe, whatever calm understanding had grown between them over months prior seemed to be absent. Tonight, he was tenser than usual she could read it in the creases of his forehead, in the tension of his torso, his whole being was screaming out for release. Not to mention his shadows rippled around him, very unusual for him to allow them such free range around her.

"I apologize for disturbing you, I did not realize I was quite so loud.”  

He remained far from her by the now shut door, keeping his eyes downcast probably in some chivalrous attempt to allow her to maintain some modicum of privacy. He was always like that Azriel, gentlemanly to the core.

“You have nothing to apologize for.” His siphons glowing vividly in the dim room.

She knew he was only being kind to her as he always was, nonetheless she appreciated the gesture, did not have the energy to sustain any sort of façade she had been prolonging for Feyre. She had so much to worry over already, what with being pregnant. It certainly wasn't the time for her to fret about her again, so she kept her rising demons to yourself.

“How often has this been happening?” He queried gently, it was so low she had barely heard him, almost as if he had been speaking to himself.

“Not frequently.” Only constantly.

He searched her face for any trace of a lie and she knew with his experience, and intelligence he was likely to see the lie for what it was, if he did, he made no comment on the deception, allowing her this secret. And for that she was infinitely grateful.

He did not speak for a while the silence between them louder than the usual tranquility she was accustomed to when it came to the shadow-singer. Tonight, was different. Perhaps whatever happened in Illyria had put him on edge, at the verge of his control, because the silence between them was anything but serene.

“There are many who don't wish to sleep for fear of nightmares. Sadly, there are many who don't wish to wake for the same fear. I suppose we should count ourselves lucky ours are the former.”  

“You get night-terrors too?” She guessed.

No hesitation. “Of course.”

It was hard to imagine such a strong and stoic man being capable of being rendered powerless by a mere dream, more likely he was trying to make her feel better about her weaknesses, for the fragility of her mind some days. She wondered if going mad might be easier, if she simply let it pull her under, perhaps she could finally get some much needed rest.  

Elain implored genuinely, “And how do you cope with them?” He took his time to ponder her words, carefully picking the ones he would use.

“I want to keep my dreams, even bad ones, because without them, I might have nothing all night long.”    

“That seems inordinately sad.”

A soft chuckle, and then, “Never.” Pause. “Have you spoken to Feyre about your nightmares? From the look of your eyes, I am guessing she knows...”

“No, no... I do not wish to worry her, what with everything going on and all, it would be unfair. Anyway, it is all under control so there will be no need to lose sleep over it.” The god of Irony was looking down upon her she was sure. However, it was her best bet at making sure he did not seek Feyre out and tell her, so she would reason with him, certain he was aware of her sister's delicate condition.

"Mhm.” He fiddled with his rings. “Would you like me to do anything? I could bring you a sweat tea...” Azriel was looking around the room as if it would divulge all the answers to him, or mayhap to avoid looking at her. As the thought manifested, she considered how improper this was, how intimate this room was to her and even further still as she lay in short silk underthings with only a thin sheet covering her lean form.  

“I can wait for you to fall asleep before leaving, if you'd like?” Damn— She had not realized how long her musings had gone on for, taking her silence as a refusal he had persevered on.  

“Oh no, that's quite alright. I am sure I have a tonic around here Madja gifted me.” She refused to tell anyone she had ran out quite some weeks ago, believing she could regain control of her nightmares, perhaps that was ill-advised on her part. Continuing on, “Truly, I was not expecting such a rough sleep or I would have had some before laying to rest.”

A lie, regrettably. Elain felt a heap of shame envelop her but it was no more than she would feel at the look of pity she was sure to receive if anyone knew the truth of it.

Shifting his weight from one foot to the other, Azriel was anything but at ease tonight himself, so at odds with his usually calm steady demeanor. He appeared to be contemplating his next words carefully but settled—

“Well should you need me at any point I'm in the West Wing. Day or Night.”

She offered him a appreciate smile, again it was out of kindness he offered, but it was no matter why as she knew with absolute certainty that she would never take him up on that offer. She watched him take his leave and some part of her rebelled and she murmured, “Oh, Azriel... I am glad you are back home.” A blush rose to the surface quick and hot.

He paused abruptly; his hand was paused wrapped around the doorknob and stayed so as if glued to it, though frustratingly, she could not make out his face with his back towards her, the air within the room seemed to vibrate over her skin, raising goosebumps along the length of her arms. The tension that he had been holding in since he arrived seemed to reach its crescendo, his shadows growing and rising higher up his body swiftly covering him as if safely tucking away whatever was eating away at him.  

She could not be certain as the shadows pooled around them and pulled the room deeper in to darkness but she caught the slight movement as he ducked his head in a nod, a poor attempt to acknowledge that he heard her.

Elain wasn't even sure if that was just her imagination playing tricks because as quickly as she could think it, he regained himself and pulled the door open wide and fast, causing a rush of air to flow over her cheeks, Azriel was through the doorway and a mere shadow before she could even blink.  

All that remained was the fading light from the halls as her door gradually closed on its own accord.

She would lay there for many hours to come, eventually falling back in to dreamland, though this time when she returned her thoughts were filled less of a frigid baren land and replaced by visions of dark mountains scattered with wild-flowers, gentle wind chimes sounding through the trees and a small but beautiful cabin lay ahead.  

Although the inky sky should have filled her with fear there was no such unease here, the shadows seemed blanket her, appeared to comfort her in this foreign land, welcoming her home, even though she was certain she had never visited such a place before.

Elain was not able to identify anything familiar but its presence loomed over her in a intimate embrace and the soft smell of roses soothed her soul and coxed her in to a deep sleep.

The respite would not remain so for long, as the cold abyss would return on her next sleep as the sun set beyond the hills, summoning her to the icy void where reality was far from her reach.

As usual if you wish to be added or removed just let me know 🖤

@theshadowsinger-and-thefawn @verifiefangirl @stars-falling @abraxos-is-toothless @tswaney17 @elrielllll @empress-ofbloodshed @b00kworm @sleeping-and-books​ @julemmaes​ @thefangirlofhp

[charkyzombicorn]

What did I walk in on?? Part 2

Kiribakudeku soulmate au

Part one HERE

Eijirou tried to work out the situation, he really did. From what Izuku and Katsuki would tell him, the two have known eachother since they were toddlers. He also knew that Izuku never looked him in the eye when he talked about Katsuki and Katsuki didn't seem to like Izuku.

All in all, it was a Mina-approved shitshow.

Without really knowing what to do, he tried to make friends. He unconsciously gravitated toward Katsuki, though, Izuku didn't really talk much and what he did say was nervous and second-guessing. By the end of the day, he had acquired a nickname from his soulmate. 'Shitty hair' wasn't exactly peak romantic but he guessed it was better than Deku, or maybe Deku had a good meaning, seeing as Uraraka started calling him that.

He started calling Katsuki 'Bakubro', and seeing as he wasn't exploded, he thought it was an acceptable nickname.

Day two was...interesting, to say te least.

Training was a heroes vs villains exercise, and Eijirou got a sinking feeling in his gut when he saw his two soulmate's names on opposite teams, pitted against eachother. He shifted uncomfortably at the glare Katsuki shot at Izuku before they went out of the observatory into their respective positions.

Katsuki was definitely bull-headish during the test, he completely ignored Iida and went straight to attack Izuku. Katsuki looked so pissed, his glare made half the students shiver, even through the screen.

It seemed Izuku had a plan, though. He was almost mesmerized as Izuku led Katsuki around like a bull tamer, flawlessly getting Uraraka to go for the real goal.

"HOW LONG?!" Katsuki snarled, slamming open the door to yet another room. "HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN PLAYING ME?!" Izuku tripped a bit, catching himself but being cornered by Katsuki. "NO ONE JUST GETS A QUIRK AT 15!" He growled, a hostile look in his eyes as he poised his hands to fuel his explosions. And Katsuki swung at Izuku.

And Izuku grabbed him, flipping him in one fluid movement until he lied on his back, winded. Kirishima had to say, that was one of the manliest things he'd ever seen. The fight after that was brutal, and a small part of Eijirou was bothered by how Izuku barely reacted to the burns that were wracking up.

The grand finale left everyone speechless. The high-tech cameras perfectly capturing the horrendous third-degree burns and severe bruising on the boy's broken arms.

Katsuki looked about as terrified as Eijirou felt. Izuku was carried out in a stretcher on the second day of school.

A week had passed since then, and everyone was pretty much acting normally again. The only problem was that Eiji couldn't look his shorter soulmate in the eye. Every time he saw those wide green eyes all he thought was how easily he had broken himself over the most trivial training exercise. He had nightmares about Izuku dying trying to save people, which, from what little Eiji had come to know of his green-haired soulmate, would most likely actually be how he would die.

He went to his dorm (because srsly dorms should have been implemented earlier) and tried not to think about it too much.

He woke up at 2:32am to a knocking on his door. He quickly got out of his bed, opening the door to reveal a surprising head of sandy blonde hair. Katsuki's entire body was tense, his knuckles white and his hair covering his eyes, he just stood there.

"Bakubro?" He quickly whipped the sleep out of his eyes.

"We're soulmates." It was a statement, and Eiji simply nodded. "Deku's your soulmate too." The redhead pursed his lips a little. "Yeah, he's our soulmate." Katsuki tensed a little further.

"So you know how fucked up that was, during the training exercise a week ago." Eijirou sighed in relief, finally having someone say it out loud. "Yeah, how the hell did he get so tolerant to burns?" He asked, and Katsuki seemed to almost curl in on himself, before inviting himself in.

Eiji awkwardly shut the door before turning back to Katsuki, who was sitting on the floor leaning on the side of his bed. His eyes were still on the floor, and his knees were pulled toward himself.

"Do something." The blonde demanded weakly, his voice less sharp that Eiji had ever heard it in the week and a half he'd known him. "What should I do?" The redhead asked softly, trying to set up some boundaries before trying to comfort him.

"I don't fucking know!" He raised his voice, it was gravelly and he sounded like he was about ready to cry. "My parents are soulmates and my dad always helps mom when she's like this, so just work your soulmate magic or something!" His voice was cracking and he clutched his legs closer to himself. Eiji nodded and sat next to the blonde.

"I'm sorry, but I need to know what's wrong so I can try to fix it, bro." He said gently. Katsuki sniffled. "You know, if you didn't say 'bro' all the time, you'd soul just like the old man. It's weird." Eijirou let out a hum but didn't say anything.

"...deku." Katsuki growled, answering Eijirou's question and making him wilt a bit. He never did understand their relationship.

"He almost fucking listened to me, if it weren't for him-" he cut himself off, glaring at the floor like it was the wood's fault. "We've known eachother for as long as I can remember. The nerd followed me around like a lost puppy, and when we figured out we were soulmates..." he let out a small chuckle, a hollow one. "...we argued over who would wear the dress when we got married." Scarlet met crimson. "We decided on you wearing the dress."

Katsuki whent back to burning a hole into a spot on the ground with his eyes. "I'm a fucking idiot." He muttered. Eijirou would have argued, but he wanted to hear everything Katsuki had to say.

"I fell in a pond once, we were walking on a log to get over it and I fell. It hurt, all the gravel and shit, but the extras following me just laughed so I laughed with them." His knuckles turned white gripping his pants. "But deku, he fucking climbed down to the pod to make sure I was okay. I smacked his hand away, I thought he was looking down at me, so I yelled at him until he cried." He but his lip.

"He still followed me around though, looking at me like I was amazing even when I yelled at him, cussed him out, pushed him around, he'd always pick himself back up and start following me again."

"Middleschool and he was still following me sometimes, even though I'd kick the shit out of him if I saw him." Eiji couldn't help the sharp intake of breath. "I told him I hoped you were better than my other soulmate, and that he'd better not get in the way. Now deku can't even look at you without those big sad puppy eyes because I'm a fucking idiot." His voice got a little louder at the end.

"He always did everything I fucking said because piece of shit thought no one else would love him like he deserves!" He'd uncurled himself at this point, still glaring at the same spot on the floor. "I knew he did everything I told him, why did I tell him to swan dive off the fucking roof!!?!!!" He was yelling at this point, tears streaming down his clenched jaw and onto the floor. Eijirou was stunned into silence.

"He almost did it to, said so himself. But he didn't." The anger had fizzled into horse whimpers. "He didn't because I was fucking in trouble. If he didn't help me get that breath of air out of the slime fucker, I could have died, I would have died." His whole face was scrunched in so many different emotions before settling on anger.

"Then he gets a quirk a decade late?! Was he lying to me?! And then that bullshit during the training and he breaks both his arms for no fucking reason, like he's disposable." He gripps his hands into his already messy hair. "It's all my fault he's quiet and nervous and self-destructive, but here I am whining to the soulmate I tried to take from him."

Eijirou would process that truth bomb later, at that moment, Katsuki needed a hug and Eiji was but a humble supplier. He wrapped his arms around the blonde, and to his surprise, Katsuki melted immediately.

The blonde gripped onto the back of Eijirou's shirt and buried his face in his chest until he fell asleep from the emotional workout. Eiji, weak to cuddles, also fell asleep soon after.

[tatestripedsweater]

Plot: Kit Walker never came back from the abduction of him and Alma, the extra-terrestrials kept him until they were done with the man. In the year 2000 Kit gets taken back to Earth in a time era he is unaware off, he’s just as confused as the person who finds him in the woods.

Kit Walker x GN!Reader

Wordcount: 1941

Tags: @kitwalker02 - Message me or comment below if you want to be added

Key:

Italics - Flashbacks

Bold Italics - Aliens speaking

1964

Kit lay on the bed smoking his cigarette as he looked up at the ceiling, only in his white briefs he couldn’t help but grin slightly at the events prior. It wasn’t the first time him and Alma had made love, in fact it was the second time today they had sex as this morning they fucked before he went to work. Moving so he was sitting on the edge of the bed, he put out his cigarette in the small tray on his bedside table, a clattering soon got Kit up onto his feet.

‘’Alma?’’ He maneuvered quickly to put his jeans on and shirt on before walking out into the living room, she was nowhere to be found. Quietly moving, Kit grabbed the gun he kept under a weak floorboard, he did this so no one would find it but he had to keep his wife protected somehow. The air was cold as Kit walked outside barefooted, not even bothering to put on shoes since he was more concerned on where Alma was, she couldn’t have gone far. ‘’Okay this isn’t funny darlin’!’’

Silence. The fear that something had happened to her had started to set in on Kit’s mind, he didn’t want to shoot into the darkness just in case she was playing a prank on him and the bullet accidentally went into her. As soon as Kit stepped inside the house the entire room was filled with a bright light and everything flew up onto the ceiling, including himself.

“Alma!” Kit screamed out loudly before putting his hands to his ears at the loud ringing in his ears, it was like something you’d use on a dog for it to stop misbehaving, he felt like electricity was being shocked all through his body before everything around him turned white and he was suddenly laid on his back on a cold, metal surface. “Alma..?”

Looking over at his wife she was completely naked as was he, but she was unconscious and no matter how hard he tried to reach her she seemed to get further away from him. “Alma.. please wake up!” Tears were streaming down Kit’s face as his voice cracked, his nose was running from how hard he was crying, the fear was getting worse the longer he lay upon the metal surface. Hearing noises around him soon turned Kit ridgid, it was mumbling in a language he didn’t understand.

His head was beating like a drum, it was as if someone had punctured right through his skull but he wouldn’t put it past these creatures if they did. The mumbling got louder and so did the ringing in his ears, screaming out even louder Kit could’ve sworn his ears were bleeding from the pain he was currently feeling it, he just wanted it all to end.

‘’I think it’s time’’ The moment that left the aliens lips, the sentence unknown to Kit, the surroundings went a blinding white before Alma found herself back in the living room that she called home. Quickly standing up she looked around for any sign of her husband. With her whole body shaking she made her way outside hoping he would be out there, crying out for Kit, but all she got was a beam of light like a fallen star flying across the sky before disappearing.

“Kit..”

2000

You were used to people shutting down your claims of what you believed to have happened that evening. You remembered it like it was yesterday but due to you being a child when the event had happened, people just put it down your brain creating false memories to protect you from what actually happened to your mother. The officer in front of you was the same as all the others, he felt sorry for you so he never shuts you down when you tried to explain to him about the ‘abduction’, but he had to soon stop you since you were getting stares from people passing by.

‘’Y/N stop this.. we’ve been through this dozens of times’’ Huffing heavily you shook your head, a look of disappointment on your face when he said that to you. Staring the officer in the eyes you couldn’t help but narrow your eyes at him, he always seemed to cut you off as soon as people started staring but you believed people of this town deserved to know. Of course you’ve gotten called everything under the sun.

‘’You should be put in a mental hospital! You’re turning into Julia’s mother, Alma, God rest her soul’’ You knew that voice all too well, she was the gossip of the town Mrs Wilkins and she had a face like a toad, and the perfume she wore wasn’t exactly being kind to your nose either. Feeling the annoyance and anger within you, you decided to stand up for yourself and the officer knew the look in your eyes all too well, but it was too late to even stop you before you spoke with a harsh tone towards her.

‘’Shouldn’t you be getting a new mirror, considering your face made the last one crack!” You quickly got pulled away by the officer before the woman you had now offended could speak another word,

“Go home Y/N! It’s getting late for a woman of your age to be out anyway..” He always used that excuse with you, being a girl of eighteen had more downs than ups, you sometimes wondered why everyone who was young couldn’t wait to turn eighteen, you frankly wanted to go back to being a kid again. “It’s six thirty, I can drive you home if you want?”

Shaking your head but staying silent you put your left foot in front of the other and started walking down the now lit street, the streets lights automatically came on around this time and you knew that your father was going to kill you for being out. It wasn’t even late yet they panicked if you weren’t in the house by five in the evening. Since your mothers ‘disappeared’ he hasn’t wanted the same to happen to you due to being the only thing left of her.

Sitting in front of the television watching your evening program your parents always let you watch before bed, you could hear them arguing like they did every day. The comfort of the teddy bears on the screen is all you had at the age of six, you held onto your stuffed bunny as you tried to drown out the shouting from the next room.

“I know they aren’t my kid you cheating whore!’’ You didn’t even understand what the words even meant at that point in your life, but you knew that they weren’t nice onces just from the tone of your father. Slowly turning around once you heard the door open you stared up at him with your glassy and wide eyes, his face turned soft once he looked at you. You were the innocent one in all of this, your mother wouldn’t admit to you not being your fathers even if it was the truth. Watching his every move until he was out of the front door, your mother was the next one to walk out.

“Come on you, let’s get you ready for bed” She acted as if that argument had never happened as she scooped you into her arms, the moment you wrapped your arms around her neck the ringing in both of your ears started. Her grip on you tightened in that moment and all you remembered was the blinding white light and the ringing. Your memory had gotten rid of the both of you going upwards to the ceiling and the details of the abduction. It was as if something didn’t want you to remember what happened that night. But part of you knew what had happened even if you couldn’t remember most of it. That’s what drove you insane.

Looking down at the watch on your wrist it read ‘7:00pm’, you were in for one hell of a lecture so you decided to take a short cut down the forest. You didn’t like the dark as it was but you knew if you took the long route it would be another hour till you got home. You wished you had taken those driving lessons from your father when he offered you them months ago. You would’ve been home by now if you had a car.

‘’I should’ve taken Officer Carter’s offer of a drive home..’’ You often talked to yourself in times off stress and annoyance but you didn’t want to rely on a man to help you with all your issues, even if it was as little as having no driving licence yet.

The snap of a twig caught your attention and goosebumps formed on your skin out of fear. Someone else was out in these woods. Taking slow steps, you made sure to pay close attention to every sound no matter how little it was. You didn’t know if this person was dangerous and you weren’t taking the risk of being kind if they decided to show themselves.

You made your way over to a bank in the forest, thanking god that you had even got this far without coming across the person that seemed to be in here with you, sliding down the bank your eyes caught side of a shadowy figure inbetween two trees. Your eyes didn’t leave the figure but the air got caught in your throat once you saw it run towards you. It’s arms reaching out for you as you fall on the bank floor due to trying to run backwards. Stupid.

‘’Please you need to help me!’’ The moonlight shone down on the figure as it quickly kneeled down beside you. Themale looked scared and you couldn’t help but go wide eyed due to him being in just a pair of boxer shorts. “I-I’m sorry I scared you, but I really need your help!”

“Okay! Okay! Just calm down..” The man in front of you took a few deep breaths once that left your mouth, him thanking you over and over again for your kindness to a stranger. “Just tell me who you are..”

“I’m going to sound crazy, I was taken by these things. I don’t remember much..”

“What’s your name..?” Your voice was timid and quiet but it was enough for the man in front of you to hear. He kept looking up at the sky then back at you and in that moment you knew what he was afraid off. Your mind wandered but in a good way, what if this man had experienced the same thing your mother had done in 1988? Or was he another homeless man looking for a home but pulling the heartstrings of a woman? You didn’t know but you believe the first question that was circling through your mind.

“Kit.. Kit Walker'' Your eyebrows furrowed once he told you his name. You recognised it from somewhere. Your brain was doing overtime trying to figure out where you had heard that name before, the last name you knew all too well. your neighbour, Julia, had the same last name and you thought she had mentioned a distant relative of some sort.

Maybe this was him? The next sentence he said gave it all away on who this man was. “You need to help me find my wife.. Alma..”

The sentence from Mrs Wilkins rang in your head like a bell ‘You’re turning into Julia’s mother Alma’

Maybe she wasn’t so crazy after all.

[jpegjade]

Confessions - Spencer Reid

frens and ferns, IM OUT OF SCHOOL FOR A MONTH. so here’s a new fic about something i’ve been struggling with lately...

summary: With emily gone, Spencer is having a hard time coping with her death. After a little prodding, he finds comfort in y/n, who is struggling with their own demons.

gender: neutral (i think. i tried not to point to any gender terms so hopefully i did okay at it bc i dont feel like proofreading.)

Warnings: talk of addiction but nothing more

———

Getting home from a case was always, hard on you. There were days when it was harder to get up in the morning because of the physical and emotional toll the job put on your body. Ever since that un-sub broke your ankle, everything has been even harder.

“Y/L/N, nice to see you back." Morgan said as you exited the elevator.

“You too, D." You said, plastering a fake smile on your face. In truth, you wished that you were off for one more week but the world wasn't that kind to you.

The doors to the elevator were slowly closing when you heard Spencer shuffling quickly toward your direction.

Before you had the chance to throw your arm in the way of the elevator sensors, Spencer's slender body slipped through.

You were a newer member to the team. Well... You were the only new member to the team. Being a replacement for agent Emily Prentiss, the team getting to know you was a process. Derek trained you so he already knew what you were like in action but this was the first case the rest of the team saw you on.

The silence in the elevator was loud and thick with anticipation. Spencer was looking over at you in quick glances when he wasn't staring at his converse.

“You didn't press a number." Spencer said, barely loud enough for you to hear.

"Oh... I guess that explains why if felt like I was going nowhere." You chuckled at your joke and winced when you met Dr. Reid's blank gaze.

"Do you..." He paused.

Spencer shook his head, clearing the thought from his mind. You continued staring but he dropped his gaze back to his shoes as if he hadn't started and dropped a question.

The elevator doors opened, showing an empty garage. The two of you gestured for the other to exit first but you ended up going first.

“Did you want to ask me something. Dr. Reid?" You said, watching him hesitate.

"Spencer." He said, ignoring the question. "My friends call me Spencer."

"I didn't think we were friends yet." You blankly. It wasn't meant to be funny but you couldn't help but smile.

“My team consists of my friends. As you are on my team, we're friends." Spencer's face never changed.

"Okay, Spencer." You looked at him. If you weren't so worried about getting home, you would've indulged in the moment. But all you wanted to do right now was be alone with some pizza and take the edge off from today.

"If that's all..." You tried to close the interaction with him by taking a few steps back but Spencer took just as many slow steps forward.

"Actually," Spencer began, "how do you do it?"

You faked a chuckle. "Do what?"

“Hide your addiction so well." Spencer was so pointblank sometimes.

"What are you talking about?" You tried to control the beads of sweat that threatened to pool.

"Everybody knows.” It's your ankle that started the painkillers and you couldn't stop. It took you away from the pain, the humiliation.

“How could you be so stupid as to get caught? You're even dumber for finding solice in the feeling when you've got all of this support around you? You've got a family who..." Spencer trailed off.

Your head was still reeling from the beginning of his statement. Everyone knew... But how could that be? It wasn't obvious but something was off about the distant look in Spencer's eyes. It was like he wasn't looking or talking to you. The anger laced in his tone wasn't for you...

“Spencer," you took a step towards him, "Are you talking about you?" Spencer stopped talking. You weren't used to seeing him so quiet.

"It's been a while." Spencer looked down at his converse. "Emily was there. When it got bad, I would cuddle up with her cat on her couch and try to forget the thoughts. She wouldn't make me feel like a burden at 2 a.m., when I was screaming myself awake. She always told me to stay as long as I needed, even when I was positive she was fed up with me. I wish I believed her. I wish I stayed." Spencer tapered off into silence, sniffling.

A pipe dripping. Footsteps in the stairwell. A car alarm chirping. All of those things sounded louder than they normally would. This wasn't Spencer cornering you. This was a confused and hurting boy that was begging for help. He just didn't know how to say what he needed right now.

“Do you..." You started but stopped because it didn't feel right.

Where do you start with someone who is just like you: broken, hurting, and alone.

How do you comfort someone without enabling them to do something destructive that might make everything worse?

How do you avoid hurting someone when all you wanted to do was hurt yourself, in a way.

"Do you like pancakes?" You asked, startling him out of his thoughts. "Pancakes? Sure." Spencer slowly lifted his head and shrugged.

You started walking to your car, motioning for Spencer to follow.

The car ride with Spencer was filled with silence. The whole time, you were thinking about ways to explain the situation to Spencer without making it worse. Spencer was trying to decide if talking to you was a good idea after all, considering you were taking him somewhere pancake related.

Pulling up to the run-down diner, you looked over at Spencer, who was staring out the window.

"I promise the pancakes are better than the place looks." You chuckled, getting Spencer's attention.

"I wasn't really worried about the taste of the pancakes..." Spencer trailed off.

"Good, I guess." You said, a little bit defeated.

You and Spencer walked into the diner, where you were greeted by a friendly older woman named Janice. She knew your name by heart, since you were a regular, and she seated you at your normal booth.

"Actually, would you mind seating us at 12? This is Spencer, the guy I've told you about..." You blushed, hoping you said everything low enough for Spencer not to notice. His mind was elsewhere so he wasn't listening as he normally would. A part of you was grateful for that.

Janice did a once-over at Spencer, softly grinning, and brought you to table 12.

Despite the outside looking dingy, the inside of the diner was cleaner than Spencer thought it would be. He wasn't really fond of booths but these weren't the pillow seat booths where children could hide things between the bottom seat and the backrest. This was the plastic seats that hurt your butt after a little while. But what he noticed that was different about the seating at the table was that one half was a booth and the other half consisted of two four-legged chairs.

"I know you don't like the germs in booth seats so I figured this would be a better option." You said, unable to meet his eyes.

Spencer was shocked as you slid into the booth seat, avoiding his eyes. Spencer pulled out his chair, temporarily distracted by the fact that he never mentioned how much he hates booth seats. You paid attention and noticed that about him. What else had you noticed?

"So..." Spencer folded his hands in his lap nervously.

"Let's order and then we'll talk." You said, trying to focus on the task at hand.

Placing your orders, you went with your usual breakfast at midnight and he just ordered the same thing you ordered.

"It'll be good, I promise." You said, giving him a small smile.

"You never answered my question." Spencer said, looking up at you.

"I know." You were getting nervous again. The nerves hadn't stopped since Spencer asked that question in the parking lot but you were trying really hard to find an answer to it.

"How do you do it?" Spencer asked again.

"Spencer, it's not that simple. I can't give you an answer like that over something so complex. Why do you want to know?" You asked, trying to focus on meeting his eyes.

Spencer's gaze was intense when he wanted it to be so you settled for staring at the tip of his nose.

"I'm struggling, y/n. Emily was... She was family to me. If Hotch is the dad, Rossi is the cool uncle, JJ is the mom, Derek is the older brother, and Emily is..." Spencer's voice caught in his throat. "Was the big sister. I lost a sister the day she died and I'm lost without her."

"Spencer, I'm so sorry..." You said, wanting to hug him.

A tear slipped down Spencer's face as you watched him frustratedly wipe it away.

"It's not fair, you know?" Spencer continued. "I survived the worst days of my life. I got to live after experiencing torture and she didn't do anything but fall in love with someone who wasn't..."

There was a moment of silence as you let Spencer get his feelings out. While the two of you said nothing, Janice brought your food and drinks to your table. She must have sensed the tension between you and Spencer because once you thanked her, she didn't hover or make additional conversation.

"It just hurts and I don't... I don't want to feel it. I just want to escape the constant pain and be happy again, just for a little while. It doesn't have to stay forever but I don't want this pain to hurt like this for now." Spencer cut into his pancakes, taking a bite. His face changed into something of contentment.

"I come here when I have a... I guess you could say craving." You started, "Carbs and sugar are good for the itching feeling you get when you really need a fix."

A moment passed as the two of you enjoyed the food in front of you. After downing half of your food, you decided to speak again.

"What's your drug of choice, if you don't mind me asking?" You quietly said, your eyes staying trained on the way your butterknife slowly cut into your pancakes.

"Dilaudid." Spencer was so upfront about it. You thought you would have to pull it out of him but he made your job easier.

"Ah... Opioids are a bitch to kick. Controlled substance so I won't ask how you got it but I understand it's not easy. There was this study we had to do in training. This one agent got captured and tortured and the BAU had to watch as he was drugged, tortured, and almost died... I guess you would know them, right?" You asked, trying to figure out which team member it was.

"That was me." Again, Spencer being upfront.

"Oh...Spencer, I'm so sorry... I didn't know." You were remorseful, you shouldn't have brought it up.

"That's where it began. I begged for him not to do it the first time, not wanting the drugs. But after that? After the torture and pain and... Everything? I craved that release. And even after he died, I just wanted to get away from all of the stress in life. Feel warmth in my veins, mentally zoning out for just long enough to reset my mind and be reminded that there was something good in the world..." Spencer looked over your shoulder but his eyes weren't fixed on a particular spot.

That's the thing about being an addict... You don't realize how much it hurts to be alive until the high sends you crashing back down. And, especially in our line of work, all you want is to stay up for as long as possible because the horrors of reality will tear you apart..." You finished.

Spencer's attention came back to you as you spoke, making you a little uncomfortable. You couldn't meet his eyes.

"I went to a couple meetings in the past." Spencer said, thinking about his experiences there. "I didn't feel like I belonged. I have a good life. Stable job. I'm fortunate enough to have a roof over my head. My mom is taken care of by capable people. I don't have to worry about anything. And the guys there? They're struggling in many cases. They're fighting for the things I take for granted and I didn't know how I could stand to be in the same room with my privileges and pretend like my problem was important..." Spencer trailed off.

"Spencer, your addiction is valid." You were finally able to look him in the eyes and emphasize your point.

"Is it, though?" Spencer stared back at you, a challenging tone laced his voice.

"It's not fun..." You started, unable to look at Spencer any longer. "I don't do it for fun or because I want to stay high. I don't do it for the feeling it gives me. I do it because I feel like I have to."

"What do you mean?" Spencer tilted his head like a puppy who was trying to understand a new word.

"After I broke my ankle, I was prescribed these... Off brand pills. They didn't really help unless I snorted them. And even then, they didn't help my ankle or me. So I found something stronger. A friend of mine is a doctor and when I go to see him, I'm able to... I guess manipulate him into giving me the good stuff, the stuff that makes my thoughts slow down, calms the voice, gives me a sense of peace and not this constant anxiety." You said, hands tapping the table.

"Oh..." Spencer said, taking in what you were saying.

"I'm an addict not for pleasure but for pain. And my struggle is no greater or lesser than yours." You said, fingers still tapping away. "I struggle, like you, except the difference is I'm newer to the team so they don't know what it's like to see me in my chaotic neutral state. What did you do when you had cravings before? You must have been clean for a couple years now, right?"

"I went to Emily... I always went to Emily. I play back these moments when I snapped at her for wanting to help and I wish I just..." Once again, Spencer's voice was caught in his throat.

"She was your safe space when you felt like you couldn't turn to anyone else." You said, understanding. "You don't have to be romantically inclined to have a safe space with someone. It's whomever you find solace in, for any reason under and over the sun."

"I wouldn't feel this way if she were here..." Spencer said, more to himself as if he were trying to be convincing.

"Spencer, you have to be honest with yourself. If it wasn't this, it would be something else. And that something else might not have landed you with someone who was willing to assist you in your recovery to stay clean." You said, finishing your pancakes.

"What?" Spencer did a double take. No one had ever offered to help him. He always had to be the first to make the move but even then, everyone was reluctant to take on the responsibility of Spencer.

"Isn't there an unspoken rule about addicts not being with each other?" Spencer asked, genuinely concerned.

He hoped not because he would love to have someone he could finally confide in, someone who wouldn't make him feel like a burden.

"No, that's about addicts not dating each other. But I think that as friends, we can understand each other in ways others cant. We can fight together. Have you notiiced the craving is gone, for the most part?" You asked, sure that Spencers single slice would be gone in a moment.

"Okay. Deal. We can confide in one another and maybe it'll help us get a grip on reality when we feel ourselves slipping.”

“Okay.”

—

taglist: @goldentournesol @averyhotchner @mggsprettygirl

[marveicinematics]

an experiment (steve x bucky x reader, smut)

Summary : What if your fantasy implied another man and your husband was still up to making it come true?

Pairing : Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes x female reader.

Words : 3,012.

TW : Smut. Threesome, unprotected sex, masturbation, oral sex (female receiving).

Note : Based on request from the previous prompts : sex on a table/counter/desk + “yes— right there.” + “that feels so good.”

I’m open for request, just check the submit new stories button on my page. ♡

“Should I keep going?“ Steve asked in a whisper, against your ear.

Eyes almost closed, you nodded your head biting down your lip, and your husband starting thrusting inside you again. You quickly forgot how you had just been interrupted, when you felt Steve’s chest rubbing your nipples and making you moan, cock going in and out of your wet pussy. “Oh my god, Steve!“ You moaned again, louder than before, as you neared your climax. Steve eyes widened as he pushed his hand on your mouth to silence you, but it was too late. You both froze when you heard the loud knocks on the wall, followed by hungry screams you could barely hear or understand. It had been three times, now. Three times he had knocked on the wall so hard that it stopped you during your sex night with your handsome husband. It wasn’t like it was something new, or as if you were lourder than before. But for some reasons, tonight, you neighbor wasn’t going to let you have fun. “Babe, I don’t think I can finish. I’m so sorry, it’s just been…“ “I know, I know.“ You cut him off, kissing his cheek softly. “I’m not in the mood anymore either.“ Pushing out of you, he laid next to you, as his arms came around your still naked body. At least you could cuddle before falling asleep, you thought. You got ready for work the next morning, letting Steve sleep in. Once you dressed with a lovely dress you just bought and tied your hair up, you left a message on the counter of the kitchen. ‘Can’t wait to come home to you tonight. I love you. Your wife.‘ Steve was a soldier, which implied a lot of moments when you were home waiting for him. He had been home for a week, and you just loved everything about it. From waking up by his side to cooking dinner for him, from cuddling on the couch to having wild sex whenever you felt like it to catch up for lost time. Leaving the appartement, you started walking out of the building when you heard footsteps behind you. You quickly recognized the man: brown hair, blue eyes, a bit older than you. He had been next door for a few weeks now, and you chatted a couple of times. “Hey. James, right?“ “It’s Bu…— Yeah, James is fine.“ He answered, doing his best to avoid your eyes as you stopped to talk to him. “Listen, I’m sorry for last night.“ You started to apologize. “No, don’t. I’m sorry for being a dick.“ Confused, you crossed your arms against your chest as you tilted your head, waiting for him to explain what he meant. “Truth is, these walls are so thin I’ve been hearing you guys banging for days.“ Your cheeks turned red as your eyes widened. That’s something you had thought about, but wished would never happen. “But last night… Listen, my girlfriend broke up with me last night. So I wasn’t really in the mood for it, okay?“ “Yeah, makes sense.“ You answered, nodding as you tried to look as comfortable about this conversation as you could. “I know your man is not home very often, and I don’t plan on being an asshole again. Enjoy spending time with him while you can.“ You smiled softly at him, thinking about how sweet it was, in a way, that he was okay with hearing that much because he knew you weren’t reunited with your husband a lot. “At least you don’t get to hear it the whole year, right?“ You joked around, trying to ease the atmosphere. “Oh please, you don’t really get quiet when you’re alone.“ He shot back with a large grin on his face and walked away before you could say anything. You tried to brush off from your head the idea of your hot neighbor hearing you moan when you were home alone and missing Steve a little too much, hand buried between your legs, and focused on work as much as possible. A long sigh left your lips when you let your body fall on the couch of your home, hours later, after you came back from work. You and Steve had decided to go out that night, but you still had a good hour of your time before leaving again, and you planned on spending at least half of it laying on the couch. “How was work, baby?“  “Good. Tiring. A bit boring. But good.“ You answered, eyes opening again. Looking down at you, Steve had this soft and kind smile on his face, the one that always made you feel so much better. “Maybe I should reward my wife for her hard work before we leave for the restaurant, right?“ You chuckled, simply nodding as your answer, and he walked closer to you before kneeling in front of you. He grabbed your hips, pushing you towards him as his head slowly disappeared under your dress. “Babe…“ You felt his tongue linger against the fabric of your panties, making you shiver. The more he was teasing you, the more you wanted him. When he pushed aside your underwear, you could feel his tongue against your slit, and you bite down on his lip to prevent yourself from moaning too loud already. Your encounter with James came back to your mind, thinking about how miserable he must have felt alone last night, knowing Steve was fucking you next door. Your husband tongue was working harder on your pussy and you grabbed the back of his head to maintain him. Steve was great at anything he was doing. “Fuck !“ You moaned again, before biting down on your lower lip again. You wondered if James would be hearing you from the living room. But then again, he had mentioned hearing you masturbating, which didn’t only happen in your bedroom. The idea of your neighbor listening to you pleasuring yourself was making you feel extremely good at this moment, and you couldn’t hold back another moan. “Oh god, James…“ Despite holding it still between your thighs, Steve’s head pushed back so he could be looking at you. “What?“ Realizing what you had just said, your face flushed as you sit up. “Babe, that’s not what you think. I swear.“ “Alright.“ He sighed, and your stomach clenched in an unpleasing way. You knew he was disappointed — how could he not be? Sitting down next to you, Steve was looking at you, waiting for your explanation. “I don’t cheat on you.“ You started before he cocked his head. “Babe, seriously? I know you’re not cheating on me. It’s not what I was thinking. I’m just wondering why you’ve been thinking about another man while I eat you out.“ You immediately blushed, thinking about how awkward this was for both of you. You crossed your arms against your body, curling up as you started to panic. Never would you have wanted to hurt him. He was the love of your life, the only man you would ever be in love with. “Tell me what’s wrong.“ Steve said as he slid his hand on your shoulder, realizing how stressed you seemed to be by the situation. “It’s the neighbor. James, I mean. He’s my neighbor and we talked this morning.“ “The one that kept bothering us, last night.“ You looked up at him with a smile, trying to calm down to find your words and explain yourself. “His girlfriend broke up with him, so he was upset. But he said he didn’t mind if we…—“ Steve frowned again, before cutting you off. “But, why were you thinking about him?“ “He just mentioned hearing us and I was wondering if he could hear me now. He also said he heard me in the past, when I masturbate, and that was really awkward.“ Your husband chuckled, shaking his head at your answer. The situation must have been really awkward, he believed. He knew how fast you could blush. Setting a couple of kisses on your shoulder, he looked up at you. “Is he hot?“ He asked. “Yes. Kind of.“ “Would you fuck him?“ “Steve!“ You looked at him with wide eyes. You would have never wanted to be intimate with another man than him, and he knew that. “Imagine if it had no impact on our relationship. Would you do it?“ “I guess. Maybe.“ You answered after thinking about it for a few seconds. You had realized it before, James was an attractive man. He was always smiling to you, which was something you loved about men. His body wasn’t as strong as Steve’s, but he sure was looking gorgeous each time you ran into him. After agreeing to move on from this situation, both of you went to get ready. Tonight was his night, you kept thinking. There was no way you would disappoint your husband again. The dinner went by perfectly. Steve had picked a nice place in a romantic setting. You loved how thoughtful he always was with your dates. You loved every conversations you shared, every time his fingers touched your skin, every loving smile he gave you. You left the restaurant happier than ever, walking back home while holding your husband arm tightly. When you arrived outside your building, you saw a familiar figure in front of the door.

“James?“ The brown-haired man turned around to face both of you, shoving a friendly smile your way. “Forgot my keys, do you think you could let me inside the building? I’ll find a way to get into my apartment later, it’s just starting to be cold out there.“ Steve seemed to be analyzing him for a second, bright smile on his face, before he unlocked the building door, earning a soft ‘Thanks‘ from the neighbor. “You should come to our place while you look for a way to get back to yours, James.“ You turned around to face Steve. Was he being serious, or was this a sort of set up because he was still mad at you? “What?“ You asked as you frowned, but your husband only shrugged. “Come on, you’re not going to stay outside your door all night.“ It made sense, you thought. He would have offered the same thing if the previous incident had never happened. The three of you walked to your door and inside your place, and settled down in the kitchen. “So, James...“ Your stomach twisted in anticipation, but Steve tried to ease you by grabbing your hand gently and giving it a nice squeeze. “Listen,“ he spoke again, looking at the other man. “Earlier today, I tried to please my wife, and she moaned your name instead of mine.“ “Steve !“ You shouted, turning around to face him. James looked visibly uncomfortable now. You couldn’t believe he was bringing this up now. “So this was just a way to set him up?“ You asked, quietly but not enough for James to not hear you. “No, it’s not. Look, I know I’m away from home so often. And if you’re fantasizing about fucking him, I’d rather have you make it come true when I’m here than behind my back.“ For a second, you thought he was mad. But his voice was calm, and his eyes seemed so sincere. It took you a while to actually accept the idea that your husband was actually considering letting James have sex with his wife. “Are you guys serious?“ James asked after a few seconds of silence. He was looking at you, trying to at least understand something. “I guess we are.“ You answered, before trying to explain the situation to him. “Our conversation this morning about… how you heard me, it’s been stuck in my head. And I did moan your name but Steve knows I love him and I would never betray him.“ “So what are you offering?“ You didn’t know what to say, but Steve did. “I’m offering you to fuck my wife if she wants you. And from the way she’s pressing her legs together, I can already tell you she’s wet just from thinking about your cock. Aren’t you, babe?“ Your face flushed again knowing he was right, and you looked towards James whose eyes were filled with lust. “Do you want it? Do you want me… or even us both?“ “Yes, I do.“ You said with a shaky voice, nodding. Steve smiled, a genuine smile. He would do anything to make his wife happy, which included this. Walking towards you, he pressed his strong hands to your hips and placed you against the kitchen counter. “I love you, okay?“ He whispered against your lips, before kissing them gently and stepping back, winking at James. You could tell he was nervous, too. Maybe a bit shy. Checking if your husband had changed his mind one last time, he finally focused on you, standing right there, only a few feet apart from your body. “You’re so fucking hot.“ He whispered while looking at your curves. His lips locked with yours before he could see the crimson color of your cheeks. His kiss was different than Steve’s. It was rushed, as if he was afraid of how fast it would be over. You decided to enjoy it as much as you could. Grabbing his shoulders, you gave his tongue access to your mouth while your body pressed against his. You could feel the hard-on in his jeans that was still hidden. One of his hand disappeared in between your legs and over your panties, finding your clit right away. “Yes— right there.“ You moaned against his mouth before your head tilted back. You enjoyed each pressure he was making against you, quickly sliding his hand inside your underwear. But his fingers found their way back to where you needed them, expertly. Opening your eyes again, you looked at the man, before looking at your husband. “Babe, I want you too.“ You whispered, and his smile widened on his face. He came closer to you and his mouth found your neck to kiss, bite and lick your skin while James was slowly sliding two digits inside your slit. “Fuck…“ You moaned again, arching against them as Steve massaged your breast over the fabric of your dress and James’ fingers pumped in and out faster. Obviously, you wouldn’t last long. Maybe it was because you hadn’t felt anyone’s fingers, except Steve’s, inside your pussy for years. Maybe it was the fact that you didn’t reach your orgasm last night or earlier today. But you couldn’t help but thinking it was only because both men were pleasuring you and making sure you were enjoying this. Clenching around James’ fingers, you cried out while climaxing, your hand holding onto Steve’s chest. “Did it feel good, babe?“ Steve whispered against your ear, his warm breath making yourself moan as James took his fingers out of your pussy to lick them. “You’re really good at this.“ You said, looking at James, as you nodded. Steve, once again, looked very proud of his idea. He looked towards James with a smile, before leaning closer to you. “Babe, I think James is as hard as a rock now.“ You chuckled, placing your hand on the top of James’ pants to massage him through the fabric. “Is my wife making you hard, James?“ “Yes sir.“ He nodded, looking at you as he was biting down on his lip. Feeling yourself still aroused by the situation, you undid his pants and slide it down, freeing his erection and earning a sigh from your neighbor. You took your underwear off and tossed it to the floor before sitting on the counter, legs spread for him. “James, please.“ You almost begged. But he didn’t need you to beg though, and without having to say another word, he slid his hard cock inside you, making you arch your back and open your mouth in a perfect O. You couldn’t remember the last time you had a cock in your pussy that wasn’t Steve’s. “I’m gonna fuck you.“ He mumbled, bucking his hips towards you. “Please, fuck me.“ You grabbed his shoulders again as he paced up, his cock brushing your insides and making you gasp and moan. Steve had taken his cock out of his pants, jerking off while looking at both of you. The idea of him enjoying himself made you more wet, and you started moving your hips to meet James’ thrusts. “That feels so good!“ You cried out, making Steve groan as he was going faster with his hand. “I’m gonna cum.“ James mumbled, trying to pull off. Your heels pressed against his ass to keep him going. “I’m on the pill. Don’t stop, please!“ Reaching down between the two of you, you started massaging your clit, which seemed to push James over the edge. He came with a loud moan, thrusting deeper inside you to fill you up, before finally pulling out. “Fuck, you’re amazing.“ He moaned, resting against the counter as he was catching his breath. You looked towards your husband who had stopped masturbating only to watch James’ orgasm, and was now looking at you. He smiled at you before walking closer, settling in between your legs. He knew exactly what you needed. “You want to cum on my cock, babe?“ You nodded. He didn’t have to say a word, you knew he was beyond happy that James didn’t make you orgasm on his cock. Entering you with a quick trust that made you cried out, you leaned against Steve’s chest, one hand lost in his hair as he started fucking you as fast as he could possibly go. Both of you were close, and both of you needed the release. “Oh my god, Steve! Don’t fucking stop!“ You moaned loudly, closing your eyes to hold back tears of pleasure. He could feel your walls clenching, but it didn’t seem to stop him. Moaning in pleasure, he hit your spot a couple of times, finally making you reach that second orgasm, legs shaking while you screamed out in pleasure. It didn’t take him longer, and he hold you tight against him as he was coming inside you the way he always did. “I love you.“ He whispered against your ear before pulling out, sweating and panting. “Well.“ James said, pulling his pants up. “You’re a weird couple, but you know where to find me if you ever need me again.“ You giggled, face flushed again, as you were looking lovingly towards your husband— the one and only man you’d ever really want.

[disastermages]

A Different Kind of Gusu Trio

"It's only for a year, A-Li" That's what her father had told her when he and her mother told her that she would be attending Gusu Lan's lecture. Her skin had paled and her stomach had dropped. It had always been planned that she would attend the lectures when her brothers were old enough to accompany her.

A whole year without either of her brothers next to her when she hadn't been by herself since A-Cheng could walk on his own. The thought of it hadn't sat well with her when they'd broken the news and it didn't sit well with her when she'd set off a few days ago, A-Cheng and A-Xian both crying as they'd hugged her goodbye.

"It isn't goodbye forever, I bet you two won't even notice I'm gone." She'd said, brushing A-Xian's nose with her finger and petting A-Cheng's head with her other hand. Fears gnawed at her as she forced herself to climb into the boat. Would they keep each other out of trouble and not squabble like she asked? Would they behave themselves so Mother wouldn't get angry at them? Would they eat enough without her there?

Those same fears still chew and tear at her nerves as she stands by herself at the gates of Cloud Recesses, her eyes down cast until someone shoves hard against her back, their laughter loud and mean as her knees hit the ground.

Jiang Yanli doesn't look back at first, she can't, her eyes are stinging too hard and she can already hear her mother's reprimand in her mind.

But then there's another, louder voice cutting through the laughing and strangling it out. Jiang Yanli turns and freezes as she sees them, Nie Mingjue holding Wen Xu by the collar, both of their faces red and angry. "Do you think you can pick on others just because they're alone and you're not?" Nie Mingjue demands, shaking Wen Xu as he speaks, not looking at Jiang Yanli as she pulls herself back to her feet, her sword held unsteady in her hand.

She means to tell him that it's fine, it was probably her own fault anyway, but the words are frozen in her throat.

There's more shouting, Wen Xu reminding Nie Mingjue that his father is excellency and that he'll do as he pleases, Nie Mingjue declaring that he doesn't care, that he had no right to do what he'd done. The longer it goes on the more words that build up in Jiang Yanli's throat until another, calmer voice cuts through all the arguing.

"What's going on here? Mingjue?" Lan Xichen stands tall, his eyebrows knit together as he looks across the scene in front of him, from the way Nie Mingjue releases Wen Xu's robes to the dirt stains decorating the lower half of Jiang Yanli's own, his usually smiling face turning into a fine line.

"Young Master Wen shoved Lady Jiang into the dirt." Nie Mingjue says plainly, nodding his head towards her as her grip tightens on her sword.

Rage takes over Wen Xu's face, his glare whipping between the three of them. "That's a lie! She tripped on her own!" Jiang Yanli swallows and forces herself to loosen her hold on her sword as Lan Xichen turns his eyes on her.

"Lady Jiang," he says patiently, and Jiang Yanli tries to bow, but her arms are caught and lowered as Lan Xichen takes another step forward, "which is the truth?"

A moment of silence passes as Jiang Yanli holds her sword with both hands, her throat still tight, but loosening just enough to say, "I was pushed." She's careful not to say any name in particular, after all, she hadn't exactly seen who had pushed her, she had only heard them laughing at her.

"I see." Lan Xichen says, clasping both of his hands behind his back before he turns away from Jiang Yanli and back to Wen Xu and Nie Mingjue. "Young Master Wen, my uncle tells me that this will be the first time in many years that the Lan clan of Gusu has hosted disciples of the Wen clan." The smile comes back to Lan Xichen's face as he speaks and Jiang Yanli only bears the weight of Wen Xu's glare for a moment before Nie Mingjue is putting his body between them.

"Please allow me to impart two of our rules now, do not bully others and do not harass female cultivators." Lan Xichen's tone is kind, but it leaves no room for argument and only then does Jiang Yanli feel the stinging in her knees stop. "Any further disturbances will result in disciplinary action."

The words alone sent a chill down Jiang Yanli's spine, she'd only heard of Gusu Lan's punishments and decided long before her arrival that she'd do anything she could to avoid them. Another moment of silence passes between the four of them before Wen Xu turns away with a growl and stalks back down the mountain, the Wen disciples following after him soon after.

It’s only when they’re all out of sight that Nie Mingjue steps out from in front of her, his shoulders relaxing as he turns to look at Lan Xichen. “Since when does Zewu-Jun spend his time reciting Lan sect rules at other people?”

The rest of the tension breaks as Lan Xichen’s smile becomes genuine as he stifles a laugh. “One must know the rules well before they can begin to find the loopholes in them, Mingjue.” They both laugh then and even Jiang Yanli can feel a smile pulling back onto her face before she can school it into something more serious.

“Thank you both for your help, I’m sorry to cause such trouble.” Jiang Yanli says, bowing before either of them can reach out and stop her again, the laughter dying on her lips when she feels a hand on her shoulder and a warm presence at her side.

“Lady Jiang shouldn’t be the one apologizing.” Nie Mingjue says firmly, his arms crossed over his chest when she looks up again, hoping that the surprise isn’t too obvious on her face when Lan Xichen nods in agreement.

“I doubt we’ll be hearing any apologies from the Wen.” Lan Xichen says, taking his hand off Jiang Yanli’s shoulder with an exasperation that she’s sure she wasn’t meant to see, but it makes her smile all the same.

Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue are still talking as they turn and walk towards the stairs, and Jiang Yanli lingers at the bottom, wondering if she’d be allowed to follow or if they’d already decided to move on from her. It takes her a moment too long to realize that they’re waiting for her, only following along when her name is called.

~

In their first month, Jiang Yanli had simply thought they’d grown protective of her, one or both of them lingering around her constantly in case Wen Xu had entertained any other thoughts of tormenting her.

By their third month in Cloud Recesses, Jiang Yanli had come to understand she’d thought wrong. Somewhere between the second and third month, they’d stopped calling her Lady Jiang when it was only the three of them, settling for just Yanli instead. It wasn’t proper, but Jiang Yanli had decided she wouldn’t care.

They had both sat near her during classes and during meal times, asking after her brothers on the days that letters came, and she had done the same, smiling widely whenever it led to trading stories back and forth.

“I don’t believe you, Lan Wangji is such a sweet boy.” The surprise is clear in her voice as her eyes widen. Maybe sweet isn’t the word, polite, maybe, observant, certainly, but even so, Jiang Yanli can’t believe it when Lan Xichen tells her he’d gone through a biting phase when he was small. The first time she’d met him, she’d wanted to pinch his cheeks in a fit of missing her own brothers.

“It’s true,” Nie Mingjue says, setting down his teacup with a laugh of his own, “Huaisang and Wangji were both biters, it’s the first thing we had in common.”

“Wangji and Huaisang bit others for different reasons,” Lan Xichen interjects, but doesn’t interrupt, leaning forward to refill their tea cups before he continues, “Huaisang bit to get his way, Wangji bit when he wanted to be left alone.” As if to emphasize his point, Lan Xichen rolls back his sleeve to the elbow, exposing a tiny bite mark on his inner forearm, the scar having turned white and hard to see over the years.

“Uncle brought us along to a meeting and told me to make sure Wangji didn’t wander off, I had only been holding him for an hour when he decided he didn’t want to be touched anymore.” Jiang Yanli has to raise a hand to her mouth to hold back the giggle that comes, imagining a much smaller Lan Xichen with an even smaller Lan Wangji attached to his arm and not letting go.

“A-Cheng went through a phase where he would run off any chance he got, he would always kick and scream whenever I managed to catch him.” She smiles at the memories now, but they’d been terrifying then, chasing him through the streets as fast as her legs could carry her, hoping that he wouldn’t fall into the lake.

“Better than all the animals A-Sang sneaks into Unclean Realm.” Nie Mingjue says with a shake of his head, emptying his cup again, Jiang Yanli refills their cups this time.

“I thought you said he stopped.” Lan Xichen shares a look with her and Jiang Yanli can only smile.

“He stopped for six months.” They’re all quiet and serious for a moment before the laughter comes again.

~

Six months into their time at Cloud Recesses, Sect Leader Lan deems them ready enough to go on a nighthunt together under his supervision, though the Wen disciples all but demand to take the lead on the hunt, getting them lost and halfway into another town before Lan Qiren takes back control of the hunt.

The hour is too late to consider returning to Cloud Recesses, and after a lengthy lecture, they’re brought to an inn to pass the night, and after Lan Qiren has turned in for the evening, Jiang Yanli and Lan Xichen are snuck into Nie Mingjue’s room, a bulky Nie sect robe draped over Jiang Yanli to keep her from getting caught.

“I have a surprise for both of you.” Nie Mingjue says before he produces two pots of wine from behind his back with a grin on his face. Jiang Yanli’s mouth hangs open as she turns to look at Lan Xichen, he’s not frowning but he’s not smiling either.

“We shouldn’t drink on a nighthunt, Mingjue.” Lan Xichen says, though he doesn’t sound firm in his decision at all.

“But we aren’t on a nighthunt anymore.” Nie Mingjue reminds the both of them, sitting down at the table and opening one of the pots before filling three cups. “The Wen made sure of that.” Nie Mingjue’s words seem to strike something within Lan Xichen, the fine line of his mouth easing into a smile again, though there’s an edge of mischief to it now.

“So they did.” Lan Xichen says, always able to find a loophole in the rules he’d grown up by, Jiang Yanli envies him for it sometimes.

Both Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen pick up their cups at the same time, toasting to each other before they turn to her. Jiang Yanli only hesitates for a moment before she picks up her own cup, neither of her parents get drunk easily, she should be fine, shouldn’t she?

Letting herself relax, Jiang Yanli toasts to both of them before she downs the cup behind the sleeve of her borrowed robe, laughing at the both of them when they look at her with wide eyes. It’s easy to ignore the burn of the wine in her throat when it feels as though she’s getting away with something.

Nie Mingjue is the next to drink, looking at Lan Xichen as though he were daring him to do it now, and Lan Xichen doesn’t back down from the challenge. He downs the cup in one go and within the next second he’s face down on the table and both Nie Mingjue and Jiang Yanli are on their feet, leaning over him.

“Mingjue,” Jiang Yanli says, having gotten over how strange it sounded to call him so casually after the last few months of the both of them insisting upon it, “doesn’t the Lan sect have a weakness to alcohol?” Her hand is on Lan Xichen’s back now, the other resting on his shoulder while Nie Mingjue tapped his fingers against Lan Xichen’s cheek.

“I didn’t think it would only take a cup.” Nie Mingjue says, more confused than defensive as he wraps an arm around Lan Xichen’s belly, lifting him up easily and letting his head loll back. “Help me get him into the bed.” Jiang Yanli nods as she rises to her feet, keeping one hand on Lan Xichen as they walk him to the bed, pulling the quilt back when they get there, just like she’d done for A-Cheng and A-Xian back home.

She steps aside to let Nie Mingjue take off Lan Xichen’s boots before she folds his arms over his chest and pulls the quilt up to his chin, smiling to herself when she hears him begin to snore lightly.

Back at the table, Nie Mingjue refills both of their cups with a shake of his head, though the smile on his face is clear. “Do you think everyone in the Lan sect has that reaction?” Jiang Yanli asks as she sits back down, easing the borrowed robe off her shoulders and setting it to the side gently, the wine was already starting to make her feel warm.

“This is the first time I’ve ever seen a Lan drunk.” Nie Mingjue confesses, turning halfway to look at Lan Xichen as he sleeps. “We’re going to have to tell him that he snores.” Jiang Yanli laughs into her cup at that, looking up once more to make sure her friend was still sleeping soundly in Nie Mingjue’s bed.

She and Nie Mingjue keep their voices light and quiet as they keep drinking, two more cups for Jiang Yanli as the warm, fuzzy feeling starts to set in, and the rest of the bottle for Nie Mingjue who doesn’t seem bothered at all. It lasts for about an hour when Lan Xichen sits bolt upright in Nie Mingjue’s bed and makes to get up, but he stumbles and catches both of their attention.

“Zewu-Jun, you should lie down,” Jiang Yanli scolds lightly, standing up and wobbling on her feet for a moment, Lan Xichen is half way back to the table by the time the world stops spinning and she can put her hands on his arms to stop him from going out the door.

“I promised Wangji I would bring him something back.” Lan Xichen says it as though it’s the only thing he needs to explain as he pushes past Jiang Yanli, moving quickly towards the door, only to be stopped by Nie Mingjue’s hand on his wrist.

“You bring Wangji presents all the time, he’ll be fine if you skip it this one time.” Nie Mingjue says, not letting go of Lan Xichen even when he pulls.

“We can always stop on our way back,” Jiang Yanli tries, “I’ll help you look.”

Something sour crosses Lan Xichen’s face then, his arm dropping for just a moment. “Uncle won’t want to stop on the way back.” He says petulantly before he wrenches his wrist out of Nie Mingjue’s grip and nearly falls out the door as he leaves.

The world screeches to a halt as Jiang Yanli and Nie Mingjue look at the door and then each other before they set off after Lan Xichen the next second, no longer caring about hiding Jiang Yanli underneath another sect’s robe.

Being as drunk as he is should’ve slowed Lan Xichen down, but he’s gone with a flutter of white as they round a corner, hissing his name in a desperate attempt not to wake up the entire inn.

“Xichen!” Nie Mingjue whisper-shouts, pulling apart curtains as though he expected Lan Xichen was only leading them in a game of drunken hide and seek.

“Zewu-Jun!” Jiang Yanli whispers, squinting to see into the darkened dining room when a trail of light coming in catches her attention. “Mingjue.” She calls, her eyes widened as she stares into the empty street.

“Fuck.”

They spend the next two hours chasing after flashes of white and glints of a silver headpiece, Jiang Yanli’s lungs burning in her chest as she bends forward on her knees to catch her breath. It might have been easier to find him if they had split up, but Nie Mingjue had rejected the very idea of it, refusing to leave her alone in the dark for even a moment.

“If I had known he was going to be like this, I wouldn’t have even bought the wine.” Nie Mingjue says, propping against a tree as he grumbles, rubbing at the back of his neck. Straightening herself up again, Jiang Yanli puts a hand on his arm and tries to smile as best she can.

“We’ll find him,” She promises Nie Mingjue that because they would, they would find Lan Xichen and bring him back to the inn and put him back to bed, she would make sure of it.

Nie Mingjue looks as though he’s about to say something when something else catches his attention and his eyes widen, lifting up an arm to point behind her. “There! He’s right there!”

Jiang Yanli turns and gathers her skirts in her hands, running ahead of Nie Mingjue when she sees Lan Xichen kneeling before a merchant’s cart, inspecting their wares as carefully as he could while still drunk.

“Yanli!” Lan Xichen calls, smiling widely and waving with his free hand as she approaches, “I’ve found something for him!” Sighing, Jiang Yanli can’t help but smile back as she comes to squat down next to him, eyes on the wood carved rabbit held preciously in his hand.

“I think that’s a very nice gift for your brother, Zewu-Jun.” Jiang Yanli says, partially an appeasement, partially truth as she tapped her fingernail against the ear of it.

“Xichen!” He corrects, fist closing over the rabbit tightly and making her chuckle.

“Lan Wangji loves all the rabbits you bring him, Xichen.” She tries again as Nie Mingjue finally catches up to them, not nearly as enthralled with the wooden rabbit as the both of them were.

“Is that what you’re getting for him?” Nie Mingjue pants and Jiang Yanli shoots him an apologetic look for making him chase after her too.

“Yes!” Xichen answers cheerfully, reaching for his money pouch and seeming to have forgotten that he’d left it in Nie Mingjue’s room.

“I’ve got it.” Jiang Yanli says quickly, mumbling with the merchant for just a moment as they negotiate the price and Nie Mingjue pulls Lan Xichen away, his grip tighter to keep him from running off again.

They walk back to the inn slowly after that, Lan Xichen between the two of them when he suddenly slumps forward and Nie Mingjue has to scramble to catch him.

“It must be after nine.” Jiang Yanli says quietly as she helps Nie Mingjue load Lan Xichen onto his back, keeping one hand on him as they start back up the hill again.

“I’m never going to let him live this down.” Nie Mingjue says, a bit too loudly as he adjusts his grip on Lan Xichen, glancing down at her with a grin on his face as the inn comes back into view, along with a familiar shape dressed in white who hadn’t seen them quite yet.

“I’ll deal with Sect Leader Lan,” Jiang Yanli says, pushing at Nie Mingjue’s arm, “take Xichen in through the kitchen and he won’t see either of you.” This was another game she’d played at home, distracting her mother with inane questions and conversation so her brothers could sneak back in and dodge punishments and lectures.

By the wild look in his eyes, Jiang Yanli can see that Nie Mingjue means to argue with her, but she pushes at him again and shakes her head. She could do this.

Another moment is wasted looking at each other for confirmation before Nie Mingjue goes, looking back as though he were still uncertain. Swallowing and lifting her chin up high, Jiang Yanli continues up the hill and towards Sect Leader Lan, but not saying a word until his eyes light upon her and he calls her name.

“Lady Jiang! What are you doing out at such an hour?” The admonishment is clear in his voice, but Jiang Yanli can only pretend to look ashamed in front of him.

“You see, Sect Leader Lan,” Jiang Yanli isn’t actually looking at him as she speaks, her nails digging into her palms, “during this time of the month, I cramp very badly and I can’t hold still, my physicians back home have always recommended that taking walks could alleviate such pains.” Her poor health was well known, but not discussed within the cultivation world, what’s one more thing wrong with her?

The next time Jiang Yanli dares to look up, she sees confusion, and then horrified understanding passes over Sect Leader Lan’s face like a summer storm, quickly and then gone when he pulls his face into his normal expression of neutral disdain.

“Very well, Lady Jiang,” Lan Qiren says finally, shifting uncomfortably in front of her, as though he were trying to put distance between the two of them. “See that you aren’t out too late.”

“Thank you, Sect Leader Lan.” Jiang Yanli says, bowing so he can’t see the smile that crosses her face. She’d like to think that XianXian would be proud of the trick she’d just played, but she doesn’t have time to dwell on the satisfaction before she has to walk past Sect Leader Lan and into the inn, praying he doesn’t follow after her as she meets Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen on the stairs.

The two of them manage to put Lan Xichen to bed in his own room and sneak back into theirs before Lan Qiren makes his way back into the inn, and Jiang Yanli just barely manages to collapse into her bed before he sends a female disciple in to check her room.

Lan Xichen is ill tempered and sickened the next morning, vowing to them in secret that he would find a way to neutralize the effects of alcohol over breakfast. Nie Mingjue and Jiang Yanli don’t stop themselves from laughing at him.

~

The next six months of their time at Cloud Recesses pass by them more quietly than the first, regular classes turning into exams and physical exercises turning into sparring matches as they reach the end of their year of study. Jiang Yanli even manages to win a handful herself after Nie Mingjue had pulled her aside and taught her moves he’d shown to his own brother when he refused to wield a saber.

They sneak out past curfew to sit in the meadows and watch the stars, all three of them laying close together while Nie Mingjue counts out the constellations they can see before he claims that Nie Huaisang is better at astronomy than he is. They’re only caught once, and Jiang Yanli had avoided punishment only because Nie Mingjue had blocked her from Lan Qiren’s view.

At the end of the twelfth month, Jiang Yanli knows she’s altogether ready to go home and dreading having to leave her friends. They would still see each other, at sect meetings and conferences, but she wouldn’t be allowed to run free with them like she had, she was still betrothed to Jin Zixuan and people would talk.

Frowning to herself, Jiang Yanli forces herself to start packing, starting with her robes and then moving onto the trinkets she’d ended up with on their excursions to Caiyi Town when a knock drags her out of her thoughts and forces her back into the moment. “Come in.” She calls, hoping her voice isn’t as tight as it feels as the door slides open.

Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue both step through the door, boxes held nervously in their hands as they look back at the door, afraid they’d be ejected from the women’s dormitories at any moment. “We both wanted to bring you something before you left,” Lan Xichen starts slowly, holding his own box out to her, thumbs pressing into the sides of it as he looks over to Nie Mingjue as if asking for confirmation.

“Just something in case you ever feel like visiting either of us.” Nie Mingjue explains with a wave of his hand, “With a chaperone, probably.” That gets a laugh out of Jiang Yanli, remembering the night out in the meadows when Nie Mingjue had announced what he’d thought of her arranged marriage and the Jin sect as a whole. He’d pretended to be hurt when she offered to leave him off the guest list.

Stepping forward, she opens the boxes slowly, not because she doesn’t trust them, but because she thinks she knows what’s inside them already. Knowing doesn’t take away the surprise of seeing them, though, and Jiang Yanli can feel her heart squeeze as she opens both boxes, starting with Lan Xichen’s and then Nie Mingjue’s. Entry tokens, for both Unclean Realm and the Cloud Recesses, they had meant it when they said they wanted her to visit after the lectures were over.

Jiang Yanli doesn’t even realize she’s crying until one of them calls her name, her fingers lingering on both of the tokens. “Thank you both,” She says, leaning up on her toes to wrap an arm around each of their necks. For a moment, she thinks she’s maybe gone too far, but then two different arms are wrapping around her back, the bigger one squeezing both her and Lan Xichen.

She wouldn’t be allowed to run free with them after she left the lecture today, but she’d always remember when she could, and they’d always steal whatever moments they could at sect meetings and cultivation conferences, it was another promise they’d made together.

[marsbutterfly]

Letters to You

Summary: A gentle knock on your door forces you to change your focus from the book that now rests in your hands to the silhouette that enters your room.

"Hello Sir!" you quickly salute. He raises his hand, allowing you to rest. He doesn't waste any time before breaking the news to you.

"Y/N, I'm sorry to inform you but you will not be a part of our next operation. We'll be leaving tomorrow at dawn. I expect you to focus on your healing process in the meantime."

The shock you feel in that moment freezes you up and your brain quickly goes blank for a few seconds while you try to think of a response.

NOTE: This is a continuation of my previous work: The Scientist's Gamble. It also works just fine on its own! There will be another story based on these and it will end my "trilogy" hahaha! Enjoy!

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Wattpad Version! | AO3 Version!

"But Commander Erwin, please!!" your voice sounding desperate, truth is you don't want to be left behind, you want to know what's going on in his mind, but since the last expedition didn't end so well for you, your superiors have decided it would be for the best if you stay behind this time.

"Y/N, this decision is final. I'm sorry." He says before walking towards the door, you can see a hint of pity in his eyes but you are painfully aware that no amount of begging would change his mind.

You let out an audible sigh, you know he has a point. Your hands travel down your body gently, a gasp escaping your lips softly as your fingertips brush against your bruised ribs."Then what am I supposed to do?" You look out the window to see your friends waving at you before they enter the building, the smile on their faces slowly fades as they watch Commander Erwin make his way out of the hospital wing, the serious expression on his face never means anything good.

Before you can even fully comprehend the news you just received, the group of nine teenagers enters your room, most of them smiling warmly at you, except Ymir who has her arms crossed over her chest while she stares at Christa.

"Hey Y/N, how are you feeling today?" You turn your head to face the tall, black-haired boy. As you look into his eyes, his cheeks grow a gentle shade of red.

"I'm alright Bert, thank you for asking." You smile weakly before looking down at your hands. They shake slightly, not fully recovered from the trauma your body received not too long ago.

"We saw Commander Erwin leaving, was he talking to you?" Connie asks, trying to fill the silence in the room. You can hear Ymir's elbow hitting his bones as she whispers something along the lines "shut up!" You smile at his confused features.

"So you know how they are sending all of the 104 Cadets away for a little bit?"

"Yeah, do you know anything about that?" Sasha asks before pulling a couple of apples out of her bag. You can almost see her thought process as she quietly offers you one of them, to which you just deny, bringing her great joy.

"No more than you all do, all I know is that I was supposed to be on guard duty," you look around checking all of their faces, trying your best not to sound as upset as you are, "but because of my injuries I have to stay behind."

"What? But you are almost fully healed!" Eren says with indignation in his voice, his green eyes filled with a mix of rage and sadness. "There's gotta be something we can..."

As the small, blonde-haired boy raises his hand, he quickly stops talking. Armin places a hand on his chin, trying to think of what could be said in a situation like this.

"If they want you to stay here Y/N, then maybe it means it's not as serious as we think it is!" He smiles, relief clearly taking over his body.

"huh, I guess I haven't thought about it that way. You might be right!" Finally, you allow yourself to relax as your back touches the soft pillow. If they didn't need you to be there, then Armin must be right.

Before you can chat anymore, a figure dressed in white comes through the door, a gentle smile on her face as she announces visiting hours are over and unless they are family, they must leave. The teenagers quickly nod their heads before turning at you, their voices overlapping one another as they walk towards the exit. You can barely understand them but you know they all wish you a speedy recovery.

A giggle escapes your lips before you pick up your book, getting ready to read it once again.

.

As the clock strikes at 11 pm, you realize Hanji is not coming today. Usually, you spend the days by yourself, reading or working on reports, but she always makes a point of coming by at the end of the day to check on you and relax by your side.

You're too absorbed in your thoughts to realize the quiet knock on the window, that is until a small rock passes through the little crack and lands on your arm. Shaking your head in confusion, you carefully stand up to check what had just happened.

You're now even more confused once you realize the person trying to get your attention was not Hanji, but Moblit.

"What are you doing here?" You try to whisper but loud enough so he could hear you.

"I have a message from Section Commander for you!"

You stick your arm outside the window as you point to the hidden path Hanji has made from all the nights she had spent coming into your room, the cold air hitting your warm skin bringing a chill down your body.

Trying your best not to laugh at his struggle, you take the little box he is holding and helps him bring his body inside.

"How can she do that so easily?" The brown-haired man asks, trying to catch his breath. The laughter escapes your body before you can even respond. You think about the first time Hanji has ever invaded your hospital room.

.

The knocks startle you a bit, especially because they come from the locked window. You move your covers gently as you try to stand up. The pain in your ribs and legs is almost enough to force you to go back to bed, but your curiosity gets the best of you.

As you unlock the glass, Hanji's head pops inside.

"Hi, Y/N!"

"Hanji, what the hell? You scared the crap out of me!" You place a hand on your chest, feeling your heart beating faster and faster.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I just... I worked all day and ended up missing visitation hours, but I still wanted to see you!" She smiles brightly at you, extending her hand. You help the mad scientist come inside before looking deep into her eyes.

"How did you get up here?"

"I climbed the side of the building!" she blurts out, putting her hands on her hips, you can see in her eyes how she is proud of yourself. You shake your head, Of course she did.

A smile appears on your face as you pull her in for a kiss. Your hands gently touching her soft skin as you bring your lips closer to hers. The gentle breeze entering the room makes the warmth of her body even more noticeable. As you sadly separate your faces, she pulls you in for a long and careful hug.

"I missed you today." Her voice is barely louder than a whisper. A small giggle leaves your body, not to make fun of her but because the feeling of having her in your arms is enough to relax your body from all the pain and worries you've been feeling lately.

"I missed you more."

Once you leave Hanji's embrace, you want nothing more but to look at her for a few seconds and as you do, her cheeks begin to change into a shade of dark red. She quickly looks away, trying her best to divert your attention.

"I have so much to tell you about today!!" She says as she grabs your hand, pulling you onto the bed. You let out a simple quiet laughter before following her, hearing her talk has always been one of your favorite things.

.

As you extend your hand, offering Moblit a place to sit, he tries his best to catch his breath. It takes him a few tries but he's finally able to put himself together and tell you why he's here.

"She feels awful that she couldn't come to see you today! She's been studying a small piece of the wall, so before we leave tomorrow I offered to come and check on you and she gave me something that I'm supposed to place it in your hands and nowhere else!" He quickly grabs a small key from his pocket, which brought a confused look to your face. He hands it to you gently, almost as if it was made of glass.

"Section Commander Hanji has given me this key every time she ventures outside the walls. Since you're not coming this time, she has asked me to give it to you instead."

You smile at him, but still wasn't enough to hide your confusion. You then change your focus to the small brown box that now rests by your book, the brown-haired man follows your eyes and let's out a small Oh.

"You see, the night before every expedition, Section Commander makes sure to write you a letter, in case she doesn't return." He takes a quick break before realizing what a horrible time he decided to stop. "Not that she thinks she won't come back!!! She just wants you to have something to remind you of her"

You laugh at his nervous reaction before placing a hand on his shoulder, making sure he doesn't feel like you are making fun of him.

"It's ok. I'll start reading them as soon as you leave! Thank you, Moblit!" You flash him a bright smile which he gladly responds with one of his own.

As soon as he climbs back down, you run towards the bedside table. The small key in your hands slides inside the small box with ease. As soon as you open it, the dozens of pieces of paper jump out and so does the smell of Hanji's perfume. A smile appearing on your face as you feel the texture of her handwriting against the pages.

Every letter, she uses a different nickname she has for you, describing how she's feeling about the next adventure or how much she wants to spend time with you once you're both back inside the walls. You can see how much time and effort she put into these and it makes your heart skip a beat.

You don't realize the tears running down your face until they hit the paper in your hands. As you wipe them away, you realize they are not tears of sadness but actually, this is the only way your body found to express everything you are feeling as you read.

Your focus goes from the papers in your hands to the clock, now striking 2 am. A soft gasp leaves your body as you realize how long you've been reading these letters, but even though it's late you can't seem to put them down.

The next letter you read is about Annie Leonhardt. On the paper, there is classified information about tomorrow's mission. They know two other cadets came from the same region as her, so now the Survey Corps need to confirm the theory that Bertholdt and Reiner are also titan shifters. You can't believe it, or rather you don't want to believe it. Bert is always quiet but he's the sweetest teenager among them all and Reiner is one of your closest friends.

Before you can give it another thought, your body is lulled into a slumber, tired from the hours and hours of reading.

.

The sunset peaks from behind the curtains, disturbing your peaceful sleep. You take a look at the clock, 17:09. Shit, I overslept! You think to yourself,  reading Hanji's letters to you definitely took a toll on your body, you're just not used to going to sleep so late. By now, the cadets have gathered around, the veterans making sure they are unarmed and being kept away from civilians.

You notice a small note by your bedside table, a soft smile forming on your lips as you notice your name writing in Hanji's handwriting. You carefully grab the paper.

"Y/N, we are on our way to bring the recruits back, we gathered new information about the royal family. A small, blonde girl named Christa is the true ruler of the walls and right now she's deep into the front lines. We must go after her."

You take a short break, your mind spins around as the smile on your lips immediately fades away, you try to comprehend what you just read. "Christa? Queen? But... How is that possible?" You continue to read the message.

"I will explain once we return, but we need your help. I need your help, Y/N! I know it's too much to ask, but please if you can, come to Utgard Castle, I'll be waiting for you. Love, Your Hanji. "

You can't fully understand everything, too much new information has been thrown at you at once, but without missing a second, you get out of your hospital bed. "If Hanji needs me, then I'll be there."

"The nurses will never allow me to leave willingly!"  You think to yourself. "I'll have to climb down the window."

.

It takes a few minutes, but once you touch the floor, you realize Moblit was right, "How can she do this so easily?" a gentle giggle escapes your lips before you focus once more on what you are doing.

You sprint towards your chambers, changing into the first uniform you can see. You check your gas and your blades, "everything seems to be in order." As you get settled on your horse, a very bad feeling takes place in your stomach. You can't understand what, but something doesn't feel right. Sprinting as fast as you can, you make your way towards the empty castle, hoping everything is ok.

"Hanji, I'll be there soon, I promise!"

While you ride, you think about your girlfriend's letters.

"Y/N, you looked so beautiful today. While sitting outside underneath the apple tree, a book in your hand and the sun ever so gently hitting your hair. Right there, I fell in love with you all over again. But if we're being honest, I fall in love with you every day."

"My dear, I swear to you, I have never seen a more beautiful titan! Blue eyes, blonde hair. Oh Y/N, according to the notes we found by its body, it could speak! I'm so disappointed in Levi for killing it, it would've been such an amazing specimen!"

"Y/N, no matter what happens to me, never forget one simple thing: I love you."

The cold wind hits your face as your eyes adjust to the darkness. You ride as fast as you can, trying to catch them on time. Your brain processes the information given to you by Hanji's note but a few times you have to stop yourself from daydreaming about her love-filled letters. The moonlight should be enough to give you an idea of where you are going but also protect you from the titans, or so you thought.

No matter the amount of research you've done in your life, with Hanji or by yourself, nothing could have ever prepared you for the sight that greeted you.

"What in the world is going on here?"

[julemmaes]

Never Leave You

“Before I tell you this, you must promise me that you will stay.”

Lorcan Salvaterre and Elide Lochan modern au

Okay so this is my first time writing for the throne of glass fandom and lately I’ve been obsessing over Elorcan a little too much, so I guess that’s why I decided to write about them. I also have a thing for Elide and Rowan friendship(?) like they would have the bestest of friendship in my opinion, so yeah.

I don’t really have a tag list for tog, but let me know if you’d like to be added to it for future posts. Comments and reblogs are always welcomed:)

Word count: 3,449

When Rowan managed to climb the last flight of stairs without staggering or closing both eyes, he breathed a sigh of relief leaning against the wall.

As he moved one step forward, always looking for support in everything in his path, he thought about when he would get into his home and take off these stupid loafers and when he would take off his pants, so tight that his thighs hurt.

He was not used to getting dressed up and the suit he was wearing was years old. Normally, after one of these evenings, he would get in the shower and Aelin would listen to him complain sitting on the toilet, probably with a glass of wine to go with it, but tonight Rowan would go straight to bed. And he would sink into those blankets that scented Aelin and loved so much.

So soft.

He was so tired that he didn't realize he had arrived at the door of his apartment. He slipped the keys into the patch and took a turn before he pushed forward and found the door locked. He wrinkled his eyebrows, his eyes struggling to stay open, and put the key back in, turning it again. The door opened, but the man's fireman instinct had already kicked in. He stood at attention, praying to every god in existence that his wife was safe and sound, and that the double fire was just a precaution.

Much more awake than a few seconds earlier, he took a deep breath and slipped into the apartment. All the lights were on and the table was still set from the dinner Aelin and Elide had shared.

The house, however, was too quiet.

Leaving the keys on the entrance cabinet and taking off his bulky jacket with a quick movement, he entered the living room. There was no one there, but the cartoon stopped at one hour and twenty minutes was a sign that they were still in the house.

Then how come he didn't hear them talking?

"Aelin?"

He tried to call out loud, receiving no answer. "Elide?

He moved into the hallway, going straight to their bedroom. It was all too strange and too tidy for nothing to have happened. He was used to the chaos that was Aelin, but leaving everything on in the house just to go out for some air was not in the style of the two girls.

Before he could reach the room he heard a sob coming from the bathroom. He stopped suddenly, knocking slowly on the door, "Aelin? Are you in there?"

Another sob. Rowan's heart tightened in his chest.

He ran his hand through his hair, "Ace, what happened? Are you okay?" he asked trying to understand if she was hurt or shaken by anything else. He looked around, looking for signs of Elide. Where on earth was the black-haired girl?

He tried to open the door, finding it unlocked.

He prepared himself for everything, ready to go into action in case she had fallen and hit her head somewhere, but what appeared before him was not an injured Aelin. Or a distraught Aelin.

It wasn't Aelin either.

Elide, sitting on the mat on the floor, was resting her back against the extravagant tub that Aelin had chosen when they moved in. The tiny body, which seemed even smaller at the time, was repeatedly shaken by loud sobs. She looked up at Rowan when he entered the bathroom and her face contorted before she burst into even more desperate crying and covered her face with both hands.

Rowan blinked a couple of times, shocked to see her friend in such conditions.

"Ellie, what...?" he recovered when Elide's black eyes met his green eyes.

He knelt down next to her, placing his hand on her shoulder, but she sobbed louder, so he dropped his hand and came a little closer, being careful not to touch her. He could not understand what might have caused such a reaction in the girl.

After all, he was used to these situations. Being a firefighter, people who could not speak because of the shock were his daily bread, but there was nothing to suggest why Elide was in such a condition.

Gathering his last strength he was able to ask her, "What happened? Why are you crying?"

Elide looked at him in sorrow and in an instant, all the worst situations Rowan could think of poured over him. Opening his eyes wide and in a harder tone than he had to, he leaned forward on the tiny figure, "Elide, where is Aelin?

Something in the man's voice must have surprised Elide, because she too opened her eyes wide and put her hands forward and said, "Oh God Rowan no, Aelin is fine. She went to call Lorcan."

Rowan released a breath that he didn't know he was holding, closing his eyes, but he made a confused expression immediately afterwards, still not understanding why Elide was on the floor of his bathroom crying after past one o'clock in the morning. He sat down more comfortably, placing an elbow on the edge of the bathtub and resting his head on his hand. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She, taking an example from her friend, turned towards him and put her head on the bathtub, grimacing. At least she had stopped crying and was breathing normally.

Only then did Rowan notice something at the girl's feet.

He bent his head to the side trying to figure out what that little pink and oblong object was and when Elide noticed Rowan's look she cursed under her breath, trying to grab the thing before the man could realize what it was.

Looking up at Rowan's face, Elide realized that all her attempts had been in vain. Rowan's eyes shone and his mouth was slightly open. Well, at least he wasn't yelling at her about how inconsiderate it was to have a child at this age.

He looked her in the eye and a choked laugh got out of control, "I can' t believe it."

Elide tightened her lips in a thin line before whispering, "Believe it."

"Is it Lorcan's?"

Elide made a shocked face, before hitting him as hard as she could on the shoulder. Rowan chuckled completely unfazed.

"Yes, idiot, it's Lorcan's," she replied, lowering the volume of her voice when she said the name of her fiancé.

Rowan smiled uncertainly, "I guess a 'congratulations' is in order."

Elide looked him straight in the eye and her eyes were filled with tears again. Rowan wrinkled his forehead, taking her hand and holding it gently, "What is it?" he asked her calmly. Now that he knew what this was all about, he could have tried to calm her down.

The girl closed her eyes and sighed, running her hand over her face, "I don't even know." And then she giggled, "Can I already start blaming the hormones or is it too soon?"

"I think you can do whatever you want," he told her with a lopsided smile. He looked at her more carefully, imagining her with a big belly. Imagining how his best friend would react when he found out. He imagined Lorcan with a baby in his arms, a mini version of the man he had become. And then he imagined a little girl with such black, straight hair and the eyes of her mother. They would make a wonderful family.

After a few more moments of silence, Elide spoke. "I am afraid."

Rowan settled better on the floor, clutching his legs to his chest with his arms. "You know, I really think that every person in your situation would be afraid." he sighed, "Hell, I would be terrified. Even just the idea of having to push something out of my body like that. Nah ha." he ended it all shivering.

Elide looked at him very badly, her eyes wide open and her mouth slightly open. "Are you an idiot?" she asked him in a shrill voice, "How can you even think of saying something like that at this moment?

Rowan shrugged and kept looking forward. Elide shook her head puffing, "I'm not afraid of childbirth - or rather, I'm fucking afraid of childbirth, but that's not my biggest concern right now."

Her friend gave her a questioning look, urging her to speak with a nudge on her arm.

She looked down, embarrassed by what she was supposed to say. "It's just a stupid thing."

"If it was really stupid, I wouldn't have found you on the floor of my apartment in the middle of the night in the middle of a hysterical attack," Ellie gave him another little push. She looked up at one of her oldest friends. Rowan smiled at her again.

He had been with her every horrible moment of her life. He had helped her when the rest of the world seemed to have forgotten about her. She could trust him. But she also trusted Aelin blindly, and yet she could not tell her what had shaken her so much.

They remained silent a little longer and then Rowan settled better on the carpet, so that he was completely lying on the floor and only his head was resting on her thigh. "Is this about Lorcan?"

Elide stilled. Obviously Rowan would have understood. He always understood. "No."

"All right."

He remained silent for a few moments, letting her decide whether to tell the truth or not. When after a minute she didn't say anything, Rowan said, "Do you want me to tell you how my terrible evening went while we wait for the others?" the girl grunted, "I don't think so, your evenings are so boring and full of gruff old men." Rowan laughed, making her leg shake.

He was about to answer her in  tone when they heard the front door slam against the wall and Lorcan call her name out loud. Rowan stood up slowly and Elide saw him smile when they heard Aelin's voice warning her boyfriend that she had left her in the bathroom.

Rowan was just in time to stand up and Elide took the pregnancy test and slipped it into her pocket, that the terrified figure of Lorcan appeared in the bathroom door.

Without even aknowledging Rowan, Lorcan threw himself on his knees in front of her, taking her hands in his. Eyes full of fear running fast over her body. When he saw that she was not physically hurt he visibly relaxed and then suddenly she found herself in Lorcan's strong arms and the cry that she had managed to stop came back to the surface like a wave after a dam collapsed.

Lorcan sat down on the ground, taking Rowan's place and carrying Elide on his legs, holding her tight while she cried. Her body was shaken by so many sobbing that Lorcan's heart tightened in his chest and the worry that had faded as he saw her almost relaxed beside Rowan had returned, stronger than before. Aelin had not wanted to specify what had happened and when she rushed into the club so alarmed and alone he immediately thought the worst, cursing himself for not bringing his phone to work that night. She explained to him that Elide was not well and that she was so upset that she could not get her off the bathroom floor.

Now, with Rowan giving him an almost amused smile as he closed the bathroom door, he could not understand what could have triggered that reaction in his fiancée.

"Elide." he whispered in her ear. Whatever she heard in his tone only made her state worse. Her hand squeezed around his arm and he could feel how much emotion there really was in that gesture. "I'm here, I'm not leaving". Elide pushed herself further against his chest, sobbing, "I'm not leaving," he repeated in a lower voice, stroking her hair and leaving a kiss on her forehead.

The bathroom door opened, and Aelin's blonde hair appeared shortly afterwards. Unlike Rowan, Aelin looked just as worried and held a glass of water in her hand. She entered the large bathroom, placed it on the edge of the sink, then turned to him, "You can stay here as long as you like, Rowan and I are going to bed, but if you need anything, come and call me".

Lorcan nodded, whispering a weak thank you and trembling when a hiccup sob than the others shook Elide's body. Aelin made a sad grimace, going out of the bathroom and leaving them privacy.

They remained on the floor, close to each other, hoping that whatever was shocking the girl so much would soon be over.

After a few minutes Lorcan decided to speak again, "Baby, what happened?"

Elide had stopped crying, but she was still breathing rather irregularly. She pulled herself away from Lorcan slightly and wiped her face with the sleeve of her shirt. She hadn't looked at his face yet and it was driving the man crazy.

"Has something happened to Manon?" he asked her worried, thinking only now that the problem might not be about her. Elide shook her head closing her eyes and taking a deep breath she leaned back against him, carrying her arm around his neck.

"El you are making me really worried, please talk to me." his voice broke at the end of the sentence. Elide took another trembling breath and then croaked something incomprehensible. Lorcan shook his head slightly, "I don't understand, love."

"Before I tell you this, you must promise me that you will stay." She whispered in a loud enough tone so that he could hear her. Lorcan frowned. Elide finally detached herself from him, positioning herself in the middle of his legs and squeezing her knees to his chest. She was looking at him with red eyes and swollen with tears. "You must promise me."

Lorcan was so confused. He could not understand what could make Elide ask him to do such a thing. He didn't think she had cheated on him, Elide would never have done him such a wrong, and even if she had, he would have forgiven her. Maybe not right away, but he would come back to her every time. She knew it, he had shown her so many times.

"I don't understand..." he shook his head, trying to take her hand, but Elide turned towards the door, pulling back. The motion was like a stab wound to the chest for him. He retracted his hand and it was the hardest thing he had ever done in his entire life.

"Promise me."

"El I promise I will stay, whatever is going on, but please, please tell me what you need." he said to her in a desperate tone. She did not answer immediately and Lorcan began to feel his patience slipping from his hands. " Elide-"

"I'm pregnant."

The world stopped.

"What?"

"I am pregnant."

They had already had this conversation, almost six years before, when both were still too young. Elide had gone to Lorcan's house with the test, torn between emotion and despair. She was only eighteen years old at the time, Lorcan twenty-one.

The discussion had gone down more rather quickly. Lorcan did not want children at that time and Elide was willing to keep them, stop studying and raise their child, resuming their studies after the child had turned two years of age. That day they had shouted at each other without restraint, not caring how much the words said would hurt the other. There were no winners or losers, however. The discussion had ended in desperate tears and a break-up that both had thought final. They had not spoken for two weeks and neither of them had told their friends what the reason for the break-up was. To this day, none of their group knew why. When after three long weeks Lorcan showed up at her house, crying and asking for forgiveness, she told him that it had been a false alarm, that there had never been a baby and that the problem would never be raised again. Lorcan had had the courage to thank the gods for this and Elide had seen red. After that day they did not see each other for two whole months. Those long weeks without him had been heartbreaking. Friends said that Lorcan looked like a ghost, that he wasn't as grumpy as before, but rather he didn't seem to feel emotions anymore. Not that Elide was any better off. Her friends had tried to help her, to introduce her to other people in the vain intent to get her over her relationship with Lorcan, but nothing and no one was having the same effect on her that she had even just looking in the boy's direction. No one touch made her stomach twist like when Lorcan was touching her. No kiss made her fly as high as he did.

After all that time, she still couldn't get over it, to forget the emotions that only he could make her feel. That night she got dressed so quickly that she almost killed herself a dozen times and when she opened the door with the intention of running to his apartment, Lorcan was in front of her crying. Once more.

They had spoken again, this time in much calmer tones and after a long reflection and a few dates to start off on the right foot, they were back together, without ever leaving each other again.

This, until now.

"Please say something," muttered Elide.

Lorcan was staring at her with an indecipherable expression on his face. He had not spoken a word since Elide had released the bomb and now the air was so thick that she could have cut it with a knife. He lowered his head, running his hands over his face. Elide felt her eyes fill with tears again. She forced herself to swallow the knot that had formed in her throat.

No, she said to herself. She would not cry again. She would have faced it differently from the first time. She would have done it as an adult.

"I know that-" she stopped, taking a deep breath, "I know that the first time that... when we thought I got pregnant, it didn't go well and you didn't want kids six years ago, but-" she couldn't form a sentence that made sense. Lorcan still hadn't looked up at her.

"I am not alone in this. I didn't get pregnant by myself. I'm not in the financial condition to raise a child alone, so if you don't want to have this baby with me, I'll understand, but the blame-" uttering those words was like getting punched in the gut. There was no blame, this baby, no matter how small it was, was a miracle for Elide. "the fault is not only mine. There are two of us in this situation. Whatever you decide to do - cancel the marriage, leave me, go to another country - you will have to help me maintain the child." she concluded by getting on her knees.

Lorcan remained motionless for a while longer, and then a sob broke that glass barrier that had been created around him. He looked up and when Elide noticed the bright smile on his lips she almost fainted with relief. He had probably not heard a word she had just said to him, because his next words were, "I'm going to be a daddy". Elide nodded vehemently, her lower lip beginning to tremble. "We are going to have a little girl," he whispered.

Elide choked with laughter, shaking her head, "We still don't know if it's a boy or a girl. "

"How many weeks?" asked Lorcan as tears ran down his cheeks. He brought a hand to his mouth, murmuring a soft daddy. Her heart exploded in Elide's chest, "Eight weeks."

Lorcan burst into tears as he laughed and threw himself at her, taking her in his arms and standing up, spinning her around in the air as much as the bathroom space allowed him.

"We are going to have a baby!" he cried excitedly in tears.

Elide nodded, laughing as she held herself close to his shoulders.

When they stopped, Elide slipped over his body, and once at the height of his face, she placed her hands on his face, looking straight into his eyes, which now shone with emotion, "We are going to be parents.

Lorcan closed his eyes, pushing his forehead against hers and kissing her lightly. His lips still touching hers, he whispered, "I will never leave you."

[extremelyblackandwhite]

heiress - 7

 pairing: bucky barnes x reader

warnings: hallucinations, light gore (?)

previous chapter

The morning was a shattering reminder of what she had done yet her own memories needn’t remind her of it. She could still feel it, she could feel its dark, unsettling energy even being miles away from it, tucked away in the safety of her bedroom, the safety of the walls which protect her from her own dark thoughts. Despite this, she could hear everything, she could feel the littlest control she had over her own power grow weaker and weaker, crumbling under the weight of newly found information. With her eyes almost hypnotised by her own ideas, she rose from her bed to do the only thing which despite being out of the Red Room for over five years, she still did. Dancing. The Red Room might’ve tried to taint it, fill it with what she most feared but they had failed to do so. It was the only thing it still brought her the best of peace she could possibly could muster.

The morning was still young, barely bright with the sun and that was the horizon she liked to dance too. She connected her phone to the sound system of the training room where she had asked Wanda to specifically design with mirrors and a bare so she could practice. The song was an unknown to her, mostly some low piano, nothing too happy sounding, nothing too sad, just the peaceful types of sounds one would hear in their best dream. She got lost in her own music, hands moving as gracefully as if she were merely made of tree branches on a nice spring day. Her eyes were shut as she stood on her toes, twirling around so effortlessly, one would believe she was held by puppeteering strings.

The song got echoey, losing itself in the depths of her mind as a loud ring replaced it. The room got significantly darker, almost as if the sun was clouded. She furrowed her eyebrows, turning off the music but the ringing was still around, even louder than before. The ring came from the further back of the mirror wall and the lights seemed to dim and dim even more until the only light in the room was that which came from the outside of the room. Y/N watched her reflection in the mirror; the white bodysuit glued to her skin and matching the white fabric string wrapped  around her bun, however, the reflection in the further wall was blurry unlike those which surrounded her.

Her feet paced the wall in silence, the only sound being the ringing which stopped the moment she was close to the further wall mirror. The reflection was still blurred, yet morphing. Her eyes glowed white as they did whenever she sensed any danger, however there was no danger. The blurry reflection morphed into a much darker version of her own reflection; it was her, but her white clothing was dark and her eyes glowed black like some sort of demon. Y/N took a step back, looking behind her at the rest of the mirrored reflections which all looked exactly like her. Her breathe came out shallow as she lifted her arm, her dark doppelganger, however, did not. She merely cocked her head to the side, all knowing smirk as she took her time to raise her own hand in the air, a black energy ball controlled by the mere slight movement of her fingers. Y/N dropped her arm, walking towards the reflection until the two were face to face. She prepared to open her mouth and scream out but instead she felt warm liquid flow from the corner of her lip. She took her fingers to her lips, wiping it before moving them so she could see what it was. Red scarlet liquid stained her fingers yet she had no time to panic about as she coughed up more and fell to the ground. The air which easily got in and out of her lungs became depleted and she clutched at her chest, looking to scream for help looking to do something as the room got darker and she felt herself sink in. 

     - Y/N! - the light returned with a shocking brightness as her eyes opened completely and she realised she was merely laying on the ground, no blood, reflections all the same with Bucky looking at her. - Are you okay?

She quickly rose from the ground, walking fast towards the further mirror where her reflection was perfectly displayed. Her hand hit the mirror, finding a complete barrier on what once felt like her complete end. Her breathe returned in quick puffs as her hand slowly dragged down the mirror in disbelief. Bucky watched her, safely behind as he chose not to approach her no matter how much he wanted to come and hold her. 

    - Wanda is in the kitchen if you want.

    - No. - she turned around with almost death like precision. The same sort of precision he had taught her in the Red Room. - It is not necessary ... Just some dizziness. 

    - What happened? - Bucky was the first one to took a step towards her, an uncertain step as he wondered if she was comfortable with it, but a step nevertheless. - Y/N?

    - Nothing happened. - she forced a smile onto her trembling lips yet she knew it was worth nothing, she knew he could see right through her but it was always worth a shot. - Just tired, took a tumble ... nothing more, really.

    - You should rest. I don’t think there’s anything ... at least Monica hasn’t said anything about recent missions. Darcy is still looking over the books and the methods of how they ...

   - You don’t need to say it. - she stopped him, walking towards him to cup his face almost out of instinct as if they were still in the Red Room and she was merely comforting him. - We can stop. I know it’s probably not the most comfortable thing for you ...

   - They only took the trigger words out. They could do it again. If there’s anything on that book which can reverse everything ... take everything, then I want to know. 

   - They wouldn’t write that there. - her thumb caressed his cheek, the morning stubble still laying there giving him a particular rough and tired look. She didn’t mind, she had seen that. - And they can’t hurt you. That was all they had ... trigger words. 

   - You don’t need to sugar coat things for me, Y/N. 

   - I’m not sugar coating. I won’t let them hurt you.  - her hands dropped to her. stomach as she quickened to correct herself. - I mean, we won’t let them hurt you. I need to go ... I have some stuff to sort out. 

   - I thought you would’ve joined me for a sparring match. - he crossed his arms playfully at her. 

   - I would’ve won.

   - Uhm sure, doll. Because you always won when we used to spar.

   - You cheated all the time. - she held the door handle in her hand. - You would have cheated again.

   - Such a sore loser.

Bucky gave her a toothy grin, the type of grin which would have had all the girls lowering down on their knees for his attention during the 40s and Y/N couldn’t blame him. However, she had other things to do and yet again she had to push him away from those things. Almost like a robber, she grabbed her jacket and exited the hex onto one of the many cars they had recovered. There was someone who could tell her the truth and that someone wasn’t Agatha or Wanda. It was someone who was neutral, someone who followed the most racy of philosophy ideas and as she drove towards his home, she wondered if it was the right choice. Yet again was there a right choice? Everything had been so grey she did not remember how black and white choices even looked like. What she knew was what she felt and as someone trained not to feel anything during the learning stages of her still short life, she did not understand her own feelings.

The city was loud and filled with pollution as her car drove through the street, almost a physical representation of what went inside her mind, a dark omen to keep her away but she kept driving. She was her own being, she could do what she wanted and right now she wanted to be freed of what she had read in the Darkhold, of what she had coursing through her body. 

The building itself was scary enough to keep even the strongest and fearless people away but she feared herself more than just one silly building. Despite that, she recoiled as she rang the bell and the man himself opened the door, the most serene look on his face. Of course, if one was the most powerful and knowing being in the world, one would be peaceful all the time.

     - Can I help you?

     - I read you can help me. - she let herself into the home, trying to appear confident in her own movements. - I read you know about creation magic.

     - Why would you want to learn about creation magic? It is merely a wives tale.

     - I know who you are. - she crossed her arms. - It is really a waste of time to play dumb with me, Dr. Strange.

     - I am not playing dumb. Creation magic is a myth and those who has yielded it have been successfully eliminated. - he turned around, gesturing her to follow him which she did into a big room with shelves and shelves filled with more books one could ever imagine existed. She would not be surprised if this room held all the books ever created, published or unpublished. Strange pointed her towards one of the open books in the mid table. - It is not suitable for anyone to yield creation magic. Its purest form can bring back people from the dead, create things and life out of thin air, manipulate all that exists but human beings are not pure. At some point, it will morph into its counterpart which is always destined to destroy their surroundings only to create them again for more destruction. It’s an endless loop.

She could barely understand the book. Unlike the Darkhold which seemed to almost hold itself to her own understanding, this one was mostly drawings which would scare any child and wake any adults curious nature. She however remembered that drawing, she didn’t know from where or when she had seen it but she remembered it like a ghost of a forgotten memory. Her head starting pounding, almost becoming too heavy for her neck to hold up yet some things fell into place. She looked at the books opened in the desk, all depicting the myth of creation magic as if he had been studying it before she came in. It was almost as if he had expected her. The white mist surrounded her fingers, sensing the unknown and unpredicted situation she had put herself in before she could even realise it herself. She turned around with the certainty she had put herself in danger willingly. 

    - You know I have to do it. For the greater good. - his own hands shone gold symbols she had seen in the Darkhold. - The descendent into destruction is much more painful than death itself.  

     - I thought your job was to protect our reality.

     - It is. - he reassured her. - I don’t think you want to be the destroyer of it but it will happen. 

     - I’m not destruction. - she cornered him, moving all the objects in the room with a simple move of her hand. - Please. You’re the only person who could possibly help me.

     - It won’t be painful. 

She moved her hand forward, the desk pinning him against the wall as she started to run away from the own situation she had put herself in, pushing and breaking stuff on the way to stop him on the way to her. Powerful sorcerer ... if he was such a powerful sorcerer how come she was back in her car, driving like a crazy maniac to get away from the home as fast as she could.

    - And they say the witch hunt ended in Salem. - she pulled the breaks harshly as she whipped her head to see Agatha standing in the passenger seat. - Careful tots. You don’t want to get into an accident.

    - Stop following me! - she restarted the engine. - Go away.

    - Let me recap. Instead of taking my help or, heck, even Wanda’s help you decided to read the Darkhold and seek answers from Strange. - put her finger to her lips. - What did you expect, babycakes? He’d take you in and teach you how to use the only thing which threatens reality? Didn’t his past stint with Wanda taught you anything?

    - Shut up. - she continued to drive, eyes on the road, thinking if she ignored her, she would disappear.

    - What about Barnes, hum? Getting awfully chummy with him? Are you two gonna run away again when they figure out that Strange is after you now? Gonna leave him behind again?

    - I ... I didn’t want to leave him.

    - Well, it didn’t take much convincing to leave did it? And what about Washington ... Germany even? You could’ve stopped it but you just allowed it to keep going. You allowed him to get hurt and used time and time again.

    - They didn’t let me. - guilt started bubbling up in her throat.

    - And he had such plans for the two of you. - she continued on pouring salt on that open wound which had been open for so many years, it had started to take over her own being. - He had even gotten an apartment in New York for the two of you. Do you wanna see it?

    -  No.

    -  You don’t get to pick, tots. - like a bright flashlight she was no longer sat in her car but in the ground of an old flat. It was fast deteriorating and looking around most of the furniture had been looted.

She looked around for Agatha but she was nowhere to be found and as such she was alone in that old flat. The walls were browning over time yet some splashes of light blue could still be seen if one tried their best to. “And we’re gonna have blue walls so it can feel like we’re staring at the sky each day” her voice echoed in her mind from one of the many conversations she used to have with him during sleepless nights. “We also need a big countertop so we can cook” it echoed as she looked at the broken countertop, pilled with dust and other trash particles which merely broke her heart but she continued on going through the home. Wires stolen from what used to be a TV, dirty ripped grey couch, nothing more a pure state of unreliable sadness wherever she went. Most of the bathroom porcelain was broken but the big bathtub on the further wall still remained “We’ll have a huge bathtub so I can lay down against you each night. Just us”. Walking into the bedroom, the same state of abandonment remained with half the wall ripped to reveal a safe box. The metal was pretty messed up, probably due to thieves trying to open it but failing it. However, for her all it took was a movement of her hands and the safe box door opened up to revel two American passports and a square shaped box behind them. Opening the first one up, it read James Hartfield. “What would we tell the neighbours?” “We’d tell them we ... just eloped. Your family did not approve of me and so we ran away.” “What would they call you then?”  “I don’t know, Daisy. What do you think?”  “You always looked like a James to me” “James and Daisy Hartfield.”  “We’re gonna be the Hartfields?” “Just for the neighbours.” it echoed once more in her head but it felt more like daggers in her back than memories resurfacing.  The square box was the least kind, with two silver bands and an engagement ring, she guessed to keep the facade on but at the mere sight of it, she couldn’t help but feel tears well up in her eyes.

She bite her lip as to stop herself to from crying and the flashlight returned, except this time she was near the hex. Her mind rushed through the possibility of being able to do what Wanda had done. She didn’t know but if she could, she would’ve done it. She would’ve just looked herself in her own happy place but she couldn’t. Stepping into the hex, the tears started to roll down her cheeks as she made her way back to her bedroom.

      - Y/N, where have you been?  - she stopped in her tracks at the sound of his voice, wiping the tears from her face before turning to face him but it was useless. He could see she’s been crying and this time he didn’t falter in his step, instead walking immediately towards her as if she was magnetically pulling him in. - What happened?

     - I did something. - she admitted. - And now he’s after me and Wanda, and I just ... I just don’t know what to do and I’m so tired of trying to figure it out. 

     - Who’s after you?

     - It doesn’t matter. - her vision was blurry, caused by the tears welling up once more. - And he’s right but I don’t want to die, Bucky. I don’t, I’m so afraid of dying. 

     - What are you talking about? You’re not gonna die, I’m not gonna let however. wants to hurt you do it. I’m not.

     - No. -  she retorted. - I’m so tired and I’m so lonely, I don’t have anyone. My mum is dead and my dad couldn’t care less. It gonna eat me whole, the darkness ... it’s consuming me and I don’t want to. I don’t want to hurt anyone, I don’t want to.

     - You’re not gonna hurt anyone. - he cupped her face.

     - Yes, I am. I’ve seen it, I saw it this morning and I can’t fight it anymore. I can’t. She keeps showing me ... things.

     - Who’s showing you things?

     - I don’t want to be destruction, Bucky.

     - You’re not destruction.

     - Yes, I am. You’ve seen it before ... in the Red Room. They’re gone ... those guards, they’re gone, Buck.

     - Listen to me, doll. - he cupped her face, wiping the tears away from her cheeks. - You are not alone. You’ve never been alone. You have such a big family here who care for you. I care for you.

     - You’re just saying that to be nice.

     - Y/N ...

     - No. - she interrupted him before he could say anything. - I don’t want you to feel obligated to take care of me. Whatever we had is long, long gone.

    - Don’t say that. I’m ... I’m really sorry that I didn’t go after you, that I didn’t keep my promise but I love you. I loved you, I never stopped loving you even if you asked Wanda to mess up my mind so I wouldn’t know it.

    - It’s not that. I ... - she sighed. - I knew all of it and I still didn’t do anything to try and help you. I could’ve just ... none of what happened in Washington would have happened if I had intervened. 

    - If Washington hadn’t happened I wouldn’t be here.

    - You had plans. We had plans and I can no longer live with the weight that I ruined them. I left you there and I didn’t come back.

    - I didn’t want you to. - he rebutted. - I never intended to leave that night.

    - What?

    - If I had left that night, they would’ve caught us. - he threw in hands in the air. - I thought I could’ve left soon after and I couldn’t ... I’m sorry about that but you have to stop blaming yourself for it. 

    - Bucky.

    - No. Don’t try arguing with me about it. My aim was always for you to be out of there, no matter if I wasn’t with you but do not use your guilt to justify me not loving you because I loved you. I still love you.

taglist: @lookiamtrying @austynparksandpizza

[horansqueen]

Stuck With You - Chapter 9

Chapter 9 : I Don’t Wanna Go To Bed

🡪chapter 1  🡪chapter 2  🡪chapter 3  🡪chapter 4  🡪chapter 5  🡪chapter 6   🡪chapter 7  🡪chapter 8

College Enemies To Lovers AU

characters // masterlist // instagrams // mood board

I gotta tell you the truth I'm full of broken pieces And all my nights are sleepless

And I don't mean to intrude The secret can you keep it?

I don't wanna go to bed without you

click here to be on the update list

                                          We stayed together in silence for a while and I could feel the palm of my hands getting sweaty as I gripped the counter harder. I didn't want this to become awkward but the truth was, it was always a bit awkward and tensed between Niall and I. I had to admit I was also scared his mood would just suddenly changed and he would start getting mean again. I knew there was probably a reason behind it but not knowing why made it even more hurtful. Besides, having a reason to be mean doesn't give him the right to be. Still, I didn't want to be on the defensive every single time he was around me. It didn't mean I wanted to open up to him, though, but something was pulling me towards him, something strong that I hadn't felt in a very long time.

"How hammered is my friend Louis?"

I chuckled low and shrugged, glancing at him. "So hammered that I decided to sip on the same beer all night in case he'd need me."

Niall's lips curled slightly and he licked his bottom one. "You're a good friend, Devie." he let out in a gentle tone, making me chuckle low. "That means we're both sober, I'm one of the designated drivers tonight."

I frowned and turned my head to look at him. "For who?"

"Anyone who needs me." he replied, his smile getting bigger.

"So you're telling me you're not gonna drink at all?"

"Not a drop." he shook his head.

"But you're irish!" I joked, making him laugh. "Besides, you're not really useful, locked in here."

This time, Niall raised his eyebrows and moved his upper body close to mine, making me hold my breath. "Who's fault?"

I chuckled but my smile faltered a bit before I started nibbling on my bottom lip. His amused expression changed suddenly and he let his eyes roam on my face and stop on my lips. I held my breath and he cleared his throat, moving back as I filled my lungs with air again.

"Sorry for locking us here." I just said, feeling suddenly very stupid. I knew he meant it as a joke, but it was still the truth.

"Naa, don't be, it's fine." he shrugged, crossing his arms on his chest. "You're quite an entertaining person."

I smiled despite myself, bringing one of my shoulders up and turning my head slightly. It made me a bit shy to hear him say nice things about me and I felt my heart skip a beat. I couldn't even blame it on alcohol so once again, I blamed it on good old lust.

"So I'm not intriguing anymore, I'm just entertaining."

His eyebrows raised again and his head turned my way but this time, a small smirk appeared on his lips. Ever since he had told me that, I had been wondering what he meant. I watched him and he turned his whole body around, leaning his side against the counter to face me. I didn't dare to move at all and he just stared at me for a while before letting out a cute chuckle.

"You can be both."

I didn't tell him but I found him intriguing too, probably way more than I could be in a lifetime. I didn't understand his behavior, and I could never guess what he was thinking about. He was a mystery and I had no idea how to solve it. Perhaps, I never would.

I jumped slightly when my phone rang, taking me out of my thoughts immediately, and blinked a few times before searching through my pockets. I felt my heart skip a beat when I noticed Louis' picture on the screen, not really sure if I was relieved or disappointed.

"Hey Lou, we're stuck in the bathroom on the second floor." I heard Louis start laughing loud in his phone and I raised my nose up in a grimace. "Please, can you help?"

"Wait wait," he said, laughing again. "Who are you stuck with?"

I licked my lips and glanced at Niall before clearing my throat. "I'm with Niall."

I waited for a few seconds, hearing nothing but silence, until Louis burst into laughter so loudly that I had to move my phone away. My eyes met Niall's and I saw him roll him eyes with a small smile, telling me that he could hear Louis too.

"Did you do that on purpose?"

This time, I could swear my heart stopped completely. Did Niall hear that, too?

"No, of course not!" I argued, bringing the phone back on my ear. "Why would I do that?"

"You know why!"

I was about to answer something when Niall moved closer. His scent reached my nose and I blinked a few times. I thought I was used to his smell from sharing a room with him, but having him so close made me realize that his natural odor made me feel slightly woozy. He took my phone gently from my hands to put it between us and clicked on the 'hands free' button as Louis' laughter echoed on the bathroom walls around us.

"Louis, get your ass here now."

My friend started laughing even louder and I looked up in Niall's eyes, feeling slightly shy suddenly. I knew Louis was drunk but I didn't enjoy the fact that he was teasing me. It's not like I ever told him much about Niall anyway, so I was not sure what he actually meant with all the teasing.

"Tommo!" Niall repeated in a serious and slightly louder tone.

"Yea yea. I'm coming."

We heard a 'click' telling us Louis had hung up and I pressed my lips together, still looking at Niall. He sent me a small smile and handed me my phone back before leaning against the counter again.

"I guess we'll be out of here soon." he just said in a soft tone.

I could swear I heard disappointment in his voice but it was probably just my own feelings making me imagine things.

"You never know. He's probably so drunk he'll have a hard time just walking up the stairs."

Niall's eyes found me and his lips curled more before he chuckled. "Guess he's gonna need a ride home, what do you think?"

If I wanted to be honest, I had thought about it, but I wasn't sure I had the guts to actually ask Niall for help. It was not technically for me, it was mostly for Louis, since I hadn't had a drop, but I had sort of expected to go back home with him, so it would benefit me, too.

"That's what you didn't drink for, isn't it?"

"You're right." he laughed slightly. "Louis is exactly why I didn't have a drop."

I laughed too and licked my lips, feeling my heartbeats accelerate. I wanted to say something nice but clever at the same time. I wanted Niall to think I was funny and at the same time, I wanted to let him know that I liked it when we actually got along. Probably was, I didn't know how to say things like that subtly. I had always been more the straight-forward and direct kind of girl.

"It was not so bad of an evening, after all." I finally let out. It didn't really say everything I wanted to, but it could have been worse.

"Yea?" Niall laughed again. "Being locked for hours in a bathroom with me? You're easy to please."

I felt my cheeks burn slightly but cleared my throat, trying not to draw too much attention to me. I couldn't help my palms from getting wet though and I wiped them on the back of my jeans. For some reason, his words brought in my head an image of him on top of me and I felt ridiculous for even thinking about it.

I was thinking of a good answer to give him but we heard a knock at the door and without thinking, we both rushed to it.

"Louis?"

"Are you guys dressed?"

"Don't be an ass, Tomlinson, and let us out." Niall replied quickly with a rough tone again.

Louis just laughed and we heard sounds from the knob. It took about half a minute before the door opened only to show us Louis, a smirk on his face and holding himself against the frame, probably because of how intoxicated he was.

"Have you ever thought that maybe it was fate?" he just asked in an amused tone, his eyes sparkling as he looked at Niall and then at me.

"How many drinks did you have?" Niall asked, grabbing his arm and ignoring his question.

"Oh, just a few."

"Sure, I believe you." I let out with sarcasm. "That's why it took you literally fifteen minutes to get upstairs. Can you even walk on a straight line?"

"Lou, can you even walk?"

My lips curled and Louis grimaced, making Niall sigh. "Okay, party's over, time to go back home!" he added as Louis complained.

It took us forever to bring Louis to Niall's car and we put him on the back seat with his seatbelt on. After only a few minutes, Louis was already sleeping, mouth open, and I took place on the passenger's seat as Niall started the car.

I thought Niall and I would keep talking but I was not sure what to tell him and he kept looking at the road. I couldn't help but glance at him a few times and when he stopped the car at a red light, he licked his lips.

"What?"

He hadn't asked meanly, or roughly. In fact, his voice was soft and gentle and I turned my face his way, leaned my head on the seat.

"Why were you so mad at me, Niall?"

"I'm not mad." he just replied with a shrug.

"Then, why are you avoiding me?" I asked calmly before nibbling on my bottom lip.

"I'm not."

I could feel him getting a bit annoyed but I had to ask him anyway. I had to know.

"You are. You even though I locked you in the bathroom on purpose to force you to talk to me, or acknowledge me."

He simply sighed and the light turned green. I waited as he kept driving but I could see his jaw clench, as if he was trying to use the right words, or not to talk at all.

"Do you honestly think I don't know that you rushed to Louis' room when I was in the shower? Do you think I don't know that you spent the night there? I mean how could you do that? After what I told you?"

My lips parted at his tone. I didn't expect him to be rude and after a while, I realized he was not really mad, he actually seemed slightly hurt? His words confused me though and I frowned, shaking my head a bit.

"I... I'm not sure I understand."

I noticed his hands grip the wheel harder, the sound of the leather squeezed in his palms making me hold my breath.

"Forget it." he replied after a while. He sighed again and I saw his shoulders fall as he relaxed. "I'm sorry."

He parked the car and turned around to look at Louis on the backseat. Everything became silent except for the light snore from my best friend and it made my lips curl a bit on the left.

"Come on, let's bring him to our room." Niall added, putting an end to the other conversation we were having. "I'm not letting him out of my sight tonight."

I didn't answer anything but we got out of the car and managed to bring Louis to our room together. We let him fall on Niall's bed and he turned him on his stomach, just in case.

"Neil." we heard Louis mumble before we both got closer. "I didn't sleep with her, Niall."

I frowned and heard Niall sigh low, pulling the covers over his friend.

"I promise, Niall, I didn't." Louis stammered again. "And I won't do it."

"Alright, Louis, you're talking non-sense, you sleep now."

I stared at them both and Louis groaned low before squirming a bit in bed. His body relaxed completely as he fell back asleep and Niall took a few steps back to stand right next to me.

"What the hell is he talking about." I asked, shaking my head.

"No idea. He's pissed, that's it."

I glanced at Niall and licked my lips, shrugging as a smile draw itself on my face.

"Does that mean you're going to sleep with Louis tonight?" I asked, slightly amused, as I let out a small chuckle. "Or maybe you want to sleep with me in my bed?"

I smiled more, completely sure he would refuse, but he finally shrugged and put his hands on his waist, still staring at Louis sleeping.

"Yea, good idea."

I held my breath and my jaw dropped at his answer. This is not the answer I expected and I closed my mouth again when he turned to me to raise his eyebrows at me.

"Is that alright?"

"Y-Yea, yea of course, I just... I'll get changed."

Without waiting for his answer, I grabbed sweatpants and a t-shirt and rushed to the bathroom, as if I hadn't spent long enough in a bathroom on that night. I quickly got changed and brushed my teeth before getting out. Niall sent me a smile before walking past me and going to the bathroom too. I walked to my bed, sitting slowly on it as I stared at Louis again. I had been close to Niall but laying in the same twin bed was about to be awkward. I was not even sure I'd be able to sleep and it reminded me of that night at the library when I woke up with his head leaning on my thighs.

I pushed the thought out of my mind when I heard the bathroom door open and he walked to me as I pulled on the covers of my bed to get under them. He joined me and we both lied down on our backs in silence until we heard Louis snore louder and laughed.

"Can't believe he snores like that." I whispered, making Niall turned his head to me and raise his eyebrows.

"Sorry Devie but you snore louder than that." he chuckled. I hit his arm lightly and it made him laugh. "It's true!"

"Shut up!"

Our laughters faded and he turned in bed to face me. I was getting used to the darkness and I noticed he wasn't even smiling anymore. He was just staring at me, holding his head with his hand as I looked up at him, my head on my pillow. He looked even prettier, illuminated by the soft light of the moon, and when he moved closer, I could swear my heart jumped in my throat. I swallowed it back just in time to feel Niall's lips against mine. He kissed me gently as my eyes fluttered close, and all I could focus on was how good he smelled and how relieved I felt from feeling his mouth press against mine. He deepened the kiss so slowly that I had time to anticipate it and even long for it. I had never tasted something or someone better than Niall and it was scary. I couldn't seem to stop though and when he moved closer and wrapped his arm around me, I let out a short whimper.

What brought me back to reality was Louis groaning a bit too loud from the other bed. Niall broke our kiss and turned around slowly before finally getting up quickly and helping Louis sitting up.

"I swear, Tommo, if you puke in my bed..."

He helped Louis get up and I frowned, sitting up.

"No, It's cool, you stay here." Niall told me, holding Louis with his arm around him. "I'll bring him back to his room, just so he doesn't throw up in our room."

I nodded slowly without talking, a bit disappointed. If Louis slept in his own room, did that mean that Niall would get back in his bed and I would sleep alone in mine? And why did it bother me so much?

"Do you need help?"

"No, don't worry." he replied as he grabbed the knob and opened the door.  "Oh and, uhm." I turned to him and he did the same before shrugging a shoulder. "Don't wait for me, I'll spend the night with him."

"Oh. Okay."

I waited until the door closed behind them and sighed, closing my eyes. I could still feel my lips on fire from the kiss we just had had and I couldn't seem to get over it. If there was one thing I would have never thought Niall would do, it was to kiss me, especially not in the way he had kissed me. It was not rough and full of lust. It was gentle and deep, and I couldn't remember if I had ever been kissed that way. Probably not.

It took me about twenty minutes to lay back down in my bed. I ran my tongue on my lips, tasting the vestige of the kiss I had shared with my roommate and closed my eyes. He was gone now, and I had no idea if he'd ignore me the next day. The truth it, it was driving me insane, but there was nothing I could do about it.

[darlingsdevil]

Of The Valley (Joel x Reader)

Chapter 2: Bullet Memories

Summary: Life in Jackson is never easy. Consoling angsty teenagers, wading through the mysterious waters of Joel’s romance language and with a child of your own on the way? Life is about to get a lot harder.

Chapter summary: A test is administered. Did you fail?

Tag list (please comment to be added or removed): @sidepuff @joelsheartache @fangirl-inthe-us @cowboyfrazer

RDR2 Masterlist

Of The Valley Masterlist

A/N: Hi everyone. I’ve been really happy with how this story is going so far! I hope you will stick around!

Please tell me if you see any ‘Mike’s’ — I keep accidentally writing Mark’s name as Mike lol.

:readmore:

•••

You rode in silence for the rest of the way. That didn’t help with calming you down either. Every inch of you was burning up at the thought of being outside Jackson again. Having to relive that nightmare all over again. At least it was nice out, but the hollowed out homes and burnt cars were anything but soothing.

Joel’s silence was disheartening. You knew he was upset at you. In truth, you hadn’t really talked to anyone you were close with in the past three months. You blissfully shut out everyone you were close to and had meaningless conversations with mere acquaintances at the bar. People came by and checked in on you, but you almost always pretended you weren’t home, or you lied and said Mark was sleeping.

Joel deserved an explanation for your disappearance, you were avoiding him, but you weren’t avoiding him because of something he had done. The explaining section was the hard part, you weren’t sure where to begin or even when you should. Joel would listen. That was given, you just weren’t sure you were ready to open up just yet.

When you finally arrived at the nest after a solemn ride, your breath hitched at the side of your old spot. It had been longer than three months that you had been there. It was your favorite nest to shoot out of. Secluded, hard to get to, views of all roads leading to the small perch.

Joel hopped down from Caesar and hitched him on the tree, you followed suit. You took a small sugar cube out of your old saddle bag and gave it to her. Levia was a spoiled horse.

You walked up the steep hill to where Tommy was waiting, when you finally saw him you smiled. Your worries drifting away momentarily.

“Damn girl, didn’t think you would ever show up,” Tommy joked, holding out his arms for a hug.

“Didn’t think I was going to either. Maria convinced me to,” You laughed, hugging him tightly.

“My wife is a convincing one, that’s for sure,” Tommy chuckled as he began walking over to the nest. Joel leaned against a tree watching you two interact. Tommy nodded to Joel. You pulled the rifle off your shoulder and kneeled down on the wooden hut that was on the side of the hill. Tommy kneeled down next to you. The rifle’s weight was strange and clunky. It used to feel so natural in your hand, but now it felt like you were holding a stick.

“See them over there?” Tommy pointed towards the tree line. You pulled out your binoculars and looked at the group of infected. A couple of runners and two clickers.

“That’s all of them?” You hissed out. Why were there so few?

“So far. Spotted some more earlier, but they disappeared into the forest, we might be able to draw them out from the gunfire.” Tommy eyed you, speaking quietly.

“There’s six infected and it’s a two man job? Come on Tommy, you could have taken these out within ten minutes,” You huffed, pulling your rifle up to your shoulder and looking out the scope.

“I promise there’s more. I saw at least three.”

“Three? There’s only three more?” You stared at Tommy. Things were beginning to make less and less sense..

“There’s more by the north lookout,” Tommy explained. You sighed and picked up a bullet from the box Tommy had brought over. Feeling a bullet in your hand sent your nerves racing. There was suddenly a loud buzzing in your ear, growing increasingly louder and louder.

“You have to stay silent. If they see you, they’ll kill you.”

You blinked and it was gone. Whispers of a memory that would forever be etched into your mind. “Tommy, will you, take the first one?” You looked up at him with wide eyes, your voice vacant. Tommy nodded with an understanding look and took his own rifle and lined up his shot on a runner near the tree line. He pushed out the breath from his lungs and shot. You looked away, wincing, as the bullet hit its mark.

“Your turn,” Tommy said, resting his rifle on the wooden perch.

You gulped and slowly picked up your rifle, hiking it up to your shoulder. You gently picked up a bullet from the box without looking, you loaded it into the chamber. You looked out into scope, staring down at the infected below. It had been a while since you had seen infected. They were almost hard to look at, their bloody torn faces and mechanical moving bodies. It was saddening. They were people once too.

You lined up your shot. You let out all your breath, your finger over the trigger, and pulled it. You felt the recoil before you heard the shot. The burst of noise sounded like a scream. A warning. You weren’t supposed to be out here.

You immediately pushed the gun down, you fell back to the floor, crawling away from the gun. Panic rose in your chest, you tried your hardest to quell it, but nothing worked, fear outweighed everything when there was nothing else there. Tommy rushed to your side, he was concerned.

Your eyes were wide, and terror ripped through you like a wave, pulling you under. Joel noticed too, he came over quickly. Joel or Tommy asked you something, but you could barely hear. It was too loud, the ringing in your ears sounded like a terrible screaming alarm.

“Oh my god,” You choked out, eyes unfocusing. Tears threatening to spill from your eyes in heavy droplets.

“Hey, hey, snap out of it,” Joel gently shook you. You pulled your arm away from him quickly. You glared at him without thinking.

“I-I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened,” You said, you put your hands on the cool grass in an attempt to ground yourself.

“Well it’s okay, I think we’ll head back to the north lookout for a little while, until you calm down, that okay?” Tommy asked you, looking at you with sympathy.

You still weren’t calm, it felt like a scream was waiting to be pulled out, but if you tried, no sound would come. Instead there was silence. Not a single sound in the world.

“Yeah, yeah,” You replied quickly, springing yourself up from the ground and brushing the dirt off from your pants. Tommy and Joel shared a look. Tommy picked up the guns from behind you, you reached out to take yours but Tommy resisted.

Joel unhitched the horses for you while you waited, holding your arms and taking in deep shuddering breaths. You knew exactly what came over you, it was foolish to agree to this stupid patrol. Tommy could have easily done it himself and you wouldn’t have had to make a mockery of yourself.

Joel led Levia over to you, and helped you up to the saddle. You had something to hold on to now, which was much better than before. Tommy got on his own horse and waited for Joel to hop on Caesar. When everyone was situated, you headed off towards the north lookout.

•••

The ride was silent on the way there, luckily it was only an hour away. Anymore silence would have made your head hurt. You still weren’t entirely calm, you were still outside of Jackson, your job wasn’t done here yet.

When the large building came into view you suddenly remembered all the good times you had there.

You hitched Levia at the front of the lookout and walked in, Joel and Tommy following you.

“You wanna tell us what the hell happened back there?” Joel asked while you walked down, setting your bag down at the table.

“No. I don’t want to talk about it,” You sighed. You weren’t in the mood for another argument. Why did Joel always have to pry?

“Okay well, Joel and I will get out of your hair for awhile, I think Ellie should be nearby, actually, we’ll go get her,” Tommy said from behind you. He hit Joel on the arm for that last comment.

“Ellie’s nearby?” You asked, plopping down on the couch. You noticed her guitar then.

“Yep, she’s been waiting to hang out with you, you know? Been awhile since she’s seen you,” Tommy responded, you could hear him grabbing something from the kitchen.

“She has?” Both you and Joel said at the same time. You glanced over at Joel, your eyebrow raised, he simply shrugged.

“Course she has. You’re like a mother to that girl,” Tommy said, looking through the cabinets. That was true of course, when things got rough in general for her, Ellie was the one she came to talk to. Someone who wasn’t related to Joel — or an in law, someone who wasn’t close with her friends, just an outside force in her life. It was good to have someone like that.

Tommy threw something on the couch next to you, you were startled for a moment. Upon examination, you realized it was a candy bar.

“Found Mark’s stash up here a few weeks back. Hid it for you,” Tommy told you. Joel was silent.

“Thanks.” You opened up the candy bar. It was Mark’s favorite. He always said that a person could be having the worst day of their life, and all they would need was a candy bar to make it good again. You weren’t sure how true it was — but candy did make you happier.

“We’ll be going out now, you best not go anywhere, alright?”

“I won’t be going anywhere, Tommy.”

•••

“Seriously Joel? The hell is going on with you two?”

“Ask her. She’s only avoided me for the past three goddamn months, and suddenly on my first day off in weeks, I have to escort her to a place she knows damn well where it is? Seems pretty damn fishy to me,” Joel scoffed. Caesar galloped besides Tommy’s horse, they were getting closer to the Ottawa Lookout, where Ellie was at.

“You know what today was supposed to be for her, Joel?” Tommy asked Joel.

“No, you really think I’m told much of anything that goes on about her anymore?”

“Today was supposed to be a test. See how well she could do back on patrol, ease her back into this, and Joel, you aren’t making this much easier for her,” Tommy glared at his brother as they traveled across the forest to the lookout.

Joel’s brow furrowed, “A test? The hell for?”

“You really are as dumb as rocks, big brother. It’s not my place to say. Maybe you should confront her about it instead of bickering and causing her to panic. Even a goddamn clicker could see that you were making her uncomfortable.”

“And you think I haven’t tried asking her where she’s been for the past three months?”

“Knowing you Joel, I’m sure you didn’t ask. More like yelled,” Tommy bit back. Joel was more than willing to continue the argument, but the Ottawa lookout came into view. It was a smaller building, that was once a home, on a steep hill that faced Jackson.

Ellie’s horse, Shimmer was waiting outside. Ellie was on the front porch with a journal.

“Hey guys,” Ellie called out.

Joel and Tommy waved to her as they got off their horses.

“Let’s go inside for a bit. Got some things I want to discuss,” Tommy said.

“Sure,” Ellie grabbed her notebook and headed in. She sat down at the table that faced the many windows, Joel and Tommy pulling up a chair to sit with her.

“How’d it go? Didn’t expect you guys to be back so soon.” Ellie rested her hands on her thighs, waiting for an answer.

“Can’t say it went well so far. I think we’ll go back out tomorrow, or maybe later today,” Tommy shrugged. Ellie gave him a knowing look.

“Wait, you’re telling me Ellie’s on this too?” Joel asked, leaning forward onto the table.

“Yeah? I mean, I thought you were too,” Ellie said, raising her eyebrows in confusion.

“Maria decided two people would be enough. She wanted to ease into it, get her around people who don’t piss her off immensely,” Tommy replied, glancing over to Joel.

Joel huffed before replying, “We butt heads sometimes, sure, but I don’t piss her off all that much.”

“All that much? Joel, I saw how uncomfortable she was riding with you.” Tommy shook his head. The sun was high in the sky now, the windows allowing light to come through.

“And Mark couldn’t have come out here instead of me, why?” Joel asked Tommy. He was only becoming more and more confused.

“Mark’s out of commission right now, but it don’t matter. I know you care about her Joel, I know she cares about you too but Maria just wanted to test the waters first. It was supposed to be your day off too, she didn’t want to assign you to a small job like this.”

“Yeah, why are you even here?” Ellie said curiously.

“Maria asked me to escort her. If Maria didn’t want me out here, why’d she ask me to come?”

“Y/N insisted you come. Maria told me that she said that she needed someone she could trust out here. Someone who she could count on,” Tommy said.

“Count on? And she can’t count on you guys?”

“She can’t count on us in the way only you could,” Tommy replied slowly, he leaned back into his chair.

Joel nodded, it was all starting to click in place.

“Still doesn’t make much sense why she doesn’t want to go on patrols anymore.”

“I’m not really sure either,” Ellie chimed in.

“Not mine or Maria’s place to say. If you want to hear why, maybe ask her, but be careful, I hear it’s a delicate subject.”

•••

[pi-yeah-no]

Hanahaki Disease: Naegiri

There were some pretty crazy situations where falling in love happened. While, yes, it happened in restaurants everyday or in libraries or even an English class that no one was awake enough to really participate in, there were some wilder places that have an amazing amount of potential for falling in love with someone.

For instance, a killing game.

Yes, the killing game that fifteen students had been gathered for originally, excluding one other person that would only be revealed to them later, ended up being a surprising candidate for lovers to be born in. There were some people more susceptible to romance, which was why Kyouko Kirigiri did her best to avoid talking to people as much as possible. The problem was, with the rule of proximity factoring into how easy infatuation could strike, love became a harder obstacle to avoid.

She found herself constantly being brought face to face with a certain boy who didn’t seem to have much going for him. For someone with the title of Super Duper High School Luckster, his luck seemed to be nonexistent at times. However, he always kept a positive attitude and put his trust in the people around him. The way he smiled and listened to everyone so thoroughly drifted itself into her head when she went off investigating on her own.

“Friends tell each other what they’re thinking, you know?” He asked her one day during one of the assorted times he decided to hang out with her. She was taken aback by the sudden question, remembering how willing Naegi was to tell her everything. There would be only one time where he uncharacteristically hid the truth from her, but with good intentions as not to hurt someone else’s reputation. She put her hand to her chin as she thought about the question in silence for a little bit, a patient Makoto Naegi waiting for her to respond.

“With this statement, you’re implying we’re… friends, right?” Kirigiri finally said with a small smile, turning her head to face him. His eyes connected with hers and he gave a bright smile as he nodded.

“Of course I am! Why wouldn’t we be? After all, with the things we’ve been through and how much you’ve been explaining things to us, it’s only natural to assume we’re friends.”

Kyouko felt something rising through her. A burning sensation took over, and she tried to swallow it away. She smiled, turning her back to Naegi. “Friends… I suppose that’s one way to look at us.” She walked away quickly, starting to dash when she figured she was out of sight of the boy. She rushed to her room and slammed the door, coughing violently. She had never felt such a horrid feeling rising through her throat. Vomit was one thing, but this felt entirely different. Finally, she felt something come out and onto her gloves. She looked down, only to regret ever checking it out.

A few dark petals emerged from her throat, an extremely dark purple color attached to them. Ignoring the blood, the fragrance reminded her of spices almost, and they had variegated coloring with a lighter color adorning the stripes. She examined them closer, finally coming to the conclusion that they were dianthus petals. she picked up her room key and went to the library silently, reading up on the flower itself.

What she found was that a dianthus is a kind of carnation, with a meaning roughly translating to “flower of the gods.” Dark colored carnations like this one carried the symbolism of deep love an affection. However, a variegated carnation like the one that was falling from her mouth symbolized a regret for a love that would be ultimately unable to be shared. She crushed the petals the had held onto in her hands, silently cursing herself for this foolishness. She knew falling in love was a horrible idea. she knew that getting close to anyone could trigger her downfall. She had spent far too long trying to push people away, but it had become a moot point.

She tried to conduct her business alone afterward, but it seemed inevitable that Naegi would come along and help her. The times that their hands accidentally touched made her flush, breaking whatever semblance of indifference that she had. He would smile and tell her how cute she was when she did so, and she would do her best to get rid of the blush so there wouldn’t be any indications.

It had been custom for people of the Kirigiri family to stay neutral to all things, swaying towards neither opinion presented. They were there to simply find truth and express the truth, yet… here Kirigiri was, failing to uphold that normal and understandable standard that her grandfather had taught her. She was falling for someone, and she was expressing her true feelings for him. She frowned at herself as she remembered this, cursing herself silently for being so susceptible to love.

—

Time passed, and Kirigiri had started coughing up more petals far more often. It became harder and harder to hide it, and eventually, someone found her coughing her lungs out in a bathroom. When they saw the petals falling, their heart stopped for a moment until Kirigiri silently wiped her mouth.

“I don’t suppose you plan on telling anyone, do you, Fukawa?” Kirigiri asked in a quiet, almost restrained manner. Fukawa wondered how she knew it was Fukawa, and was going to ask, but kept her mouth shut. Kirigiri turned to her, bearing an unreadable expression that contrasted the bit of blood that was now stuck to her face. She hadn’t caught all the petals in her hand, leaving a few of them on the ground. Fukawa thought rapidly before playing with a braid and feigning indifference.

“A-as long as it isn’t for my… my white knight, i-it means nothing to me!” She said, trying not to shout too loud as to give her away. She had also spent some of her nights coughing out purple irises herself, knowing well her own white knight wouldn’t love her back. Kirigiri chuckled a little as she walked past Fukawa, stopping for only a moment.

“I can only hope you won’t fall as far as I have only to realize your love is impossible. I hope Togami is easy on your soul, regardless of what you’ve done in the past.” Kirigiri walked out of the bathroom, leaving Fukawa to think about what idiot Kirigiri had possibly fallen for. It didn’t take long for her to figure it out. Makoto Naegi was the only person that Kirigiri seemed to constantly stand being around with, and Fukawa had often witnessed the way Kirigiri looked at him. She could equate them to a classic couple one would find in a romance novel, and began to gain the resolve to get Naegi to realize Kirigiri loved him. Maybe her white knight would even praise her for taking such actions.

She picked up a couple of the petals in her hand, rushing out of the bathroom and looking around quickly. Where would someone so boring and plain hang out in the middle of the day? She dashed to the cafeteria to see the Ahoge bouncing a little as he talked to Asahina. She took him by his hood and dragged him off, ignoring the protests from both him and the angry swimmer. She could deal with Asahina later.

“Did I… do something?” Naegi asked, looking at Fukawa with an apologetic smile. Wordlessly, she wrenched open his hand and let the flower petals fall into his hand, and she closed it, looking away.

“Y-you…she’s been s-suffering, w-waiting for you. Don’t let that g-go to waste, idiot!” She hissed before walking away. She didn’t expose who “she” was, expecting Naegi to come up with that on his own. She didn’t need to be a part of this love story anymore, and was more than content to just watch things fall into place.

Naegi stood there, looking at the now bruised petals. It took him a moment to realize that by suffering, Fukawa meant that someone had caught Hanahaki for him. While that thought was amazing on its own, he had a sinking feeling he knew who it was. He heard vigorous coughing coming from upstairs, and he dashed as fast as he could. The coughing got louder as he reached the library. He swung the door wide open only to see something that hurt him.

Kirigiri was clutching her chest as she coughed violently, looking as though she was becoming less and less able to even stand on her own. She was leaned up against the wall and slowly slid down, doing her best to cover who it was who was making such a ruckus. Naegi ran to her, crouching down to be eye level with her.

“Kir-no, Kyouko!” He said as he shook her shoulders to get her to look at him. She looked up, her eyes tired before she realized she was looking at who was causing this. She tried to protest, but just continued coughing. Naegi didn’t know what to do but talk to her.

“I… I didn’t know that I would mean this much to you.” He started once Kirigiri had a break in her coughing fit. She looked at him with confusion.

“I wish I hadn’t made you suffer, you know? I… there were times where I wondered, ‘what would it be like to hold her hand?’ or, ‘does she ever think about me randomly, and miss me at all?’“ He continued, stopping while Kirigiri coughed. Her eyes were squeezed shut as she did, and Naegi pounced at that moment to say what he felt.

“I really… I really love you, Kyouko.” He said quietly. Kirigiri froze, her coughing suddenly ceasing.

“Say it again.” She demanded, making Naegi confused.

“I-I really love you, Kyouko!” He almost yelled. Suddenly, the coughing became more violent until eventually, an entire flower fell from her mouth, seeming to have wilted. She looked up with a little triumphant smile.

“If you had taken any longer to tell me, I probably would’ve been dead in this library.” Kirigiri informed him, making Makoto look extremely worried.

“W-wait, what?!? I-I-I–WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY ANYTHING?” He questioned.Kirigiri would’ve normally tried to act annoyed with it, but she just smiled and threw her head back, laughing. Makoto stopped as he watched her laugh so heartily, wondering how often she had laughed like that before.

Oh god, he was in love.