#his parents are ridiculously hard on him too and perhaps i didn't have the whole story but I'm also just pissed at them still | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gaykarstaagforever · 9 months ago

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FREE ON YOUTUBE

Cabin Boy (1994)

"Come on over here, honey. You've managed to charm me with your moronic innocence."

I was 12 when this...whatever it is...came out. My parents were real sticklers for the whole 13 part of the PG-13 rating, so I didn't see it at the time. And because this was 1994, the Internet was just a thing the Pentagon used to send racist memes to itself, so I don't remember even hearing about this thing.

...Or about how, at the time, it was a giant bomb, and widely considered one of the "worst movies EVAR" by that era's smug hipsters who had found a way to get paid to compile those lists.

(Yes, we had them back then, too. They even got away with being called "journalists" back then, like the thing they were doing was some kind of public service. It was not, by any stretch of the concept. But they published it in newspapers alongside actual headline news, so we didn't think about it and let that happen.)

Speaking of people letting things happen to them - so, point is, I had no idea what the hell Cabin Boy was before I watched it. If I had, would I have watched it? I don't automatically trust the opinions of anyone who isn't me. But I also don't seek out media that has an overwhelming reputation for being frustrating and stupid, because that often means I too will find it frustrating and stupid. So I don't know if the critical consensus would have warned me off.

What I do know is, the first 40 minutes of this 80 minute movie (with extended credit sequences) plays host to some of the most unbearably unfunny anti-jokes I have ever endured.

Nothing works in the first half of this. They don't follow through whatsoever on their already idiotic premise (a 'Fancy Lad' accidentally ends up on a rough fishing ship). The only tone is "and then THAT happened!" The cast acts like they're from at least three very different movies. David Letterman has a cameo where he is David Letterman for a scene, and it doesn't help anything in any way (star / writer Chris Elliot and his writing partner got Tim Burton to produce this mess with $10 million of someone else's money, specifically because Chris and the other guy were staff writers for Letterman's show).

There is exactly one joke that lands in the first half, and it is when Andy Richter, playing "a big stupid guy" (brilliant) does what he thinks is a hulu dance. Andy Richter silently wiggling is literally as good as it gets. I was ready to give up.

....But then came the weird puppets. While the first half of this experiment is an exhausting array of sitcom situations almost completely devoid of humor or anything else, it at one point suddenly becomes a vulgar children's adventure movie, if directed by Terry Gilliam. The fantastical costumes and props and puppets and matte paintings and sets are all great, with a specific and distinctive painted storybook style, and the filming and staging of them is as good as Hollywood gets. There are ice giants; a heroic shark-man; the Hindu goddess Kali, who lives in a cave and has sex with wrecked sailors, while her giant husband is out selling appliances (I think) to other fantasy creatures. All of this is ridiculous, but in the fun, good way. Some real professionals worked hard on these aspects of the film, and that is perhaps the Tim Burton production shining through?

What a shame it is all in service of this particular movie. Truly, no one has ever put in this much work for so little.

The rest of the movie also improves in the second half. While there are no believable character arcs to speak of, at some point the titular Cabin Boy and the crew of fishermen who hate him settle in to a begrudging respect for each-other, and their interactions after this point are, besides the production design, the best part of the movie. The Cabin Boy, weekly defined at the start as a pampered naive jackass, becomes the standard Chris Elliot ensemble character, an eccentric dope with a heart of gold. Chris Elliot is good at that character, which is why he always plays that character. And I like him as that character. Even when he's given nothing to do but bounce from one nonsensical mess to another. And this group of skilled character actors do the best they can to give depth to this razor-thin material.

The jokes get better, too. The story of where the shark-man came from is solid. As is the Cabin Boy using his swimmer love-interest as a rideable watercraft. These are the kind of charmingly over-the-top things a movie like this should be filled with. Unfortunately, there's just not a lot of them.

In looking up how and why this movie happened, I found this retrospective from The Ringer from 2018, aligned with the 25th anniversary Blu-ray rerelease. The premise of that piece is that Cabin Boy is an underrated, ahead-of-its-time anti-comedy that paved the way for Adult Swim and what people used to do on YouTube 10 years ago, and that you'd get it if you were cool.

I'm going to respectfully disagree with that stupid bullshit, you idiot. I appreciate that Elliot was aiming for the kind of snide, winkingly-ironic, piss-take-of-everything comedy that Gen X just couldn't get enough of in 1994. And that can be done in a way that transcends that specific mode and era of media and delights a general audience: think Weird Al, and the early seasons of The Simpsons. But it is also possible to try for that and just completely fuck it up. And I think that is, for the most part, what happened here.

If you are of a type that finds whatever the first part of this movie is trying to do funny and effective, great. Maybe you saw it as a kid, and as a kid who has no standards and missed all the random stupid sex jokes, it really connected with you. Fine. Comedy, and how we come to it, is subjective. But you were / are clearly part of a niche audience, because this thing made back $4 million of a $10 million budget. Why make a general release movie of this at all, if you're not interested in appealing to anyone who doesn't already think David Letterman's dickholery was the height of comedy? I realize he was popular as a latenight host. But that style doesn't translate into a good comedy movie on its own. You have to balance it out with wit and heart and gleefulness, and make an easy-to-follow narrative out of all that.

I know that, because in 1994 they tried to avoid having to do that for 40 minutes, and it fell so flat that even they stopped and made a better fantasy action movie with the rest of the budget.

Cabin Boy is certainly worth seeing, if you can make it through the first half. There is a fun and inventive kids' adventure movie floating around in here, like a delicious hotdog spinning around in an overflowing toilet. In that, it is certainly a one-of-a-kind piece of art. Because why would anyone ever make something like this, ever again?

Holy hell.

#cabin boy #free on YouTube #1990s #chris elliot

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jelzorz · 2 years ago

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103.

Bloodmoon Huntress spoilers under the read more!

The first thing Rayla does after Callum is acquainted with her meadow and the adoraburrs is hunt through the foliage under the silverbark tree to find the little yellow burr that kept her company all those years ago.

It's a long shot. He won't be yellow anymore, and that's if he's even there at all. Adoraburrs aren't known for their longevity, and this one had been with her for at least a couple of years before he found his spot under the silverbark tree to retire. She's had other adoraburr friends too, but this one... is special. This one saw her through her first month with Ethari and Runaan.

Her first month without her parents.

It'd been a time. She was angry at Mum and Dad and she made sure Ethari and Runaan knew it by being as difficult as possible. When all the other kids were getting ready to celebrate the Harvest Moon with their families, Rayla's had just left her, and yeah, Ethari and Runaan tried, those first few weeks, but it wasn't the same and they knew that as well as she did.

She hadn't gone to the Bonbon Fire in the end. Other things had happened. The whole thing with Suroh and his family and the Bloodmoon Huntress. The little yellow adoraburr had been with her through it all, and had stayed with her for months after too. They were hard, lonely days, but at least she'd had him, and she hopes, perhaps a little too optimistically, that he's still around.

The foliage shuffles. Rayla's heart lifts for a moment, but the she clears it away and finds a meadow mole instead.

"Oh," she mumbles, her shoulders drooping with disappointment.

"What's wrong?"

Rayla looks up and chuckles a little, in spite of herself. Callum is peering over her shoulder with a bunch of adoraburrs tucked into his scarf. "Nothing," she says. "I just... I had a friend a long while ago who I hoped might still be here."

Callum's brows knit together. "One of these guys?"

"Yeah." Rayla snorts, and it's both fond and aware of how ridiculous it sounds. "A little yellow one. I called him Arin. He was my best friend for a little while."

"Your best friend was an adoraburr?"

"I didn't have the easiest time getting along with the other kids." Rayla shrugs. "I don't really know what else I expected? Adoraburrs don't live that long and it's been years. I guess I just hoped my new best friend might get to meet him." She huffs as she gets up again and dusts her hands against her pants. "It's not a big deal. He was—"

She doesn't finish. Callum tugs her into his embrace before she can. She blinks. "What are you doing?"

Callum breathes into her shoulder, and she thinks she can feel a shudder in his breath. "You were a really lonely kid, huh?"

"Oh." Rayla presses her lips together. "I guess I was."

"You're my best friend too," he says. "And you don't ever have to be alone again."

Rayla pauses. Then she laughs and hugs him back. Yeah, she supposes. She was. But, in Ethari's words, sometimes the act of caring is being there when no one else is—and Callum is very definitely there. She smiles and tightens her arms around his waist. "Thanks Callum."

#pardon me are you arin burr sir #LAUGH IM FUNNY #in anticipation #rayllum #bmh spoilers

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maplecornia · 3 years ago

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chapter 17

𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱: 2.73K

𝔰𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶: You watched them from the sidelines ever since you were a young teenage girl. Now you’re grown up, they’ve returned after 2 long years and everything has changed. What happens when you pull back the mask and find the darkness within? What happens when you see that they’re broken?

𝔞/𝔫: bro DAYUM...that's it, that's all i have to say

“Kim Taehyung, you have 5 minutes to escort yourself to the vehicle.”

Why do things like this always seem to happen to you?

A man of nearly 6 foot towers over the both of you, burly and very upset.

He wears a suit, one that reminds you of the kind that FBI agents wear. His is one of a large frame, but not necessarily overweight. He has a face that might have been handsome when he was younger, but you can tell by his receding hairline and tired eyes that he’s at least in his middle ages. Perhaps 40-50 years in age.

Dark, small eyes, and a deeply tanned face which naturally sets into a scowl, do nothing to help his already aging features. It makes him seem truly terrifying as if he were an angry parent finally tracking down his rebellious teenager. His eyes are small, almost too small for his face sparkling with malicious anger.

Though he is still handsome, and there isn't necessarily anything wrong with him, you can't help but feel a bit uneasy. He exuberates intimidation and power, a very menacing essence that makes you shift away from him, shrinking into yourself.

You look from him to Taehyung, hardly noticing the way you have nervously grabbed onto his arm. Taehyung meets the man's gaze with a steady one of his own, unfazed by the anger which seems to pulsate off him in waves. He raises his eyebrow a bit, a smug look coating his face as he regards the man with narrowed eyes.

“W-who are you?” You ask, a bit timidly, regarding the new arrival cautiously. As his eyes shift from Taehyung to you, he grows livid, especially when he catches sight of your linked hands.

You notice his pointed look and start a bit, letting go of Taehyung’s arm; trying to pull your hand out of his grasp, but Tae doesn't let you. Instead, he holds tight, a sign of defiance.

You give him a look, and he gives you a sideways glance, one that makes you stop struggling. You roll your eyes in return, raising them to the man. He practically growls at you before you quickly glance away, staring at the ground instead.

“Leave her alone, Minhyuk,” Taehyung says, a bit wearily, and pulling you closer to him. You can feel your cheeks heat up, against your will, and avoid the man’s watchful stare. You bite your lip nervously, choosing to focus on Taehyung holding your hand instead. The man scowls your way, and in mere protective instinct, Tae pulls you closer to his side, his eyes darkening.

All he knows is he doesn't want to let you go.

Not yet anyway.

“He’s my bodyguard,” Taehyung explains, and your heart drops to the bottom of your gut in alarm. He gives you a disinterested look, raising his eyebrow sardonically. He doesn't deny the position and he certainly exuberates the kind of scary atmosphere most bodyguards have.

“The bodyguard whom you leave in the dust half the time.” Minhyuk snaps, crossing his arms. Taehyung only rolls his eyes, sighing as though he’s heard this before.

You can't help but feel as though you're stuck in the middle of a fight and want so badly to escape and wait it out...if only Taehyung would let go of your hand. You don't know why he wants to continue to hold it, and the only reason you can think of is that he wants to bother his bodyguard as much as possible.

In reality, your hand is the only thing keeping him grounded at the moment.

“We have an agreement,” Taehyung says, almost exhaustingly, putting the attitude on thick. You yank on his arm as if that will shock some respect into his stubborn body, but he just gives you a small sideways glance. “You let me have a bit of my freedom when I’m outside alone and I give your daughter all the BTS perks she could want.”

You give Tae a surprised look, but if he notices, he doesn't show it, choosing instead to focus on his bodyguard.

You didn't know that was even allowed, and to be honest, it might not be, especially if BangPD doesn't know about it.

And from the looks of things…

...BangPD has no idea.

“Thank God for Mia because without her I would have never agreed to such a ridiculous deal!” Minhyuk sighs in exasperation, one much like the ones that you've heard your mother give whenever you are being difficult.

Taehyung gives a slight scoff, rolling his eyes and turning to you.

You wonder what he thinks he’s going to gain by looking at your face.

A reprieve?

Nevertheless, he turns to you and carefully plucks your satchel off of your shoulders. You grasp for it, not willing to let it leave your side, but Tae gives you a look that tells you to trust him. You sigh, reluctantly letting him pull it off of your shoulders before he turns to Minhyuk once more.

“You know I could lose my job because of you, have you ever thought of that?” Minhyuk is shouting, continuing his rant.

“Yeah, yeah, I've heard it all before. Would you hold this?” Taehyung asks, handing it to Minhyuk who takes it rather begrudgingly. You don't exactly like the careless way Minhyuk holds it, dangling from his massive hands at his side, but you keep your mouth shut, biting back an angry retort. Now is not the time to get an angry gorilla man on your bad side.

You don't mean for him to notice your look, but he does and glances at the satchel then back at you, a bit dumbfounded. You quickly look away at the glance, missing the apologetic look that passes over his face. He sighs, silently softening his grip on the satchel and carefully placing it on his shoulder.

“Could you at least text me whenever you want to leave? It would have been that simple. Then I wouldn't have Mr. Bang breathing down my neck because you didn't attend rehearsal on time.” He says, tiredly rubbing his temple as Taehyung turns to you once more, taking both of your hands in his own. You give Taehyung a silent scolding look and he sighs, shrugging.

“I’m sorry, I guess it slipped my mind.” He says half to you, and you let out a disappointed sigh. How could things like this just slip his mind? “You see, I was a bit occupied.”

Taehyung kneels and takes your ankle in his hands, presenting it to the bodyguard. You almost fall with the sudden action and have to rest your hands on his shoulders to steady yourself. He smirks up at you, whispering.

“This is what you get.”

You look at him in befuddlement, so confused as to what the purpose of that was.

That is until you hear Minhyuk gasp from in front of the two of you.

“My God, is she okay?!”

Eyes widening, you give Taehyung a look as he lets go of you and rises, taking your hands off of his shoulder and into his palms. He runs his thumb over the top of your palm quite distractingly, and you wonder if he can feel your pulse flutter.

“That is low.” You hiss to him, and his smirk grows wider as he looks at you, trying his hardest to keep his self-satisfaction in. You think of pulling your hands away, just to spite him, but you’ve tried that before. So instead, you decide to stab him on the inside of his palm with your nail, which he jumps at.

Now it's your turn to smirk, and you look at his stupefied expression, quite pleased with yourself. He presses his tongue against his cheek, his mouth slightly open as though the stakes have just been upped in a poker match and he was being tested to how far he was willing to take the bet. Looking toward Minhyuk quite audaciously, he nods his head in response to his question.

“She will be….” He starts, his voice coated with thick mock emotion before he slowly draws his eyes to you. “....once we get her home.”

You narrow your eyes at him, absolutely refusing his suggestion.

He is not going to drive you home like some little damsel in distress, not when you can take perfectly good care of yourself. Besides, he has to get back to work. You could wait for the rain out and then wait for the bus to come back to take you home, it's not that big of a deal. You pray that Minhyuk doesn't fall for the bait and takes the realistic viewpoint, but…..

“You're right. We could drop her off on the way to BigHit. After all, you're already late, what're a few more minutes? Help her to the car, Taehyung, I’ll take her stuff.” Minhyuk says, turning to go.

Eyes widening with alarm, your mouth opens with protest as you turn to object, but he’s already gone, Taehyung smiling smugly as he walks away. Growling almost, you turn to him, shoving him in his shoulder. He laughs as you do, as though it didn't hurt it all. You weren't exactly trying to hurt him, but you find him laughing at you equally as annoying as his little asinine expression on his face.

“What?” he asks, feigning innocence.

“You shouldn't be driving me home, you should be going back to work!” You scold, poking him in the chest, still shocked by his little charade. “You know I’ll be fine. All I would have to do is wait for the bus to come back. Why are you avoiding your responsibilities just to help me when you don't have to?”

As you speak, his face falls into an unreadable expression.

A serene look, one with wide eyes and surprise mixed with something else. All the smugness and playful attitude are gone. It's a look that unsettles you, and you swallow hard. You almost want to push him further, say something that has him finally look at things seriously, but you don't.

You don't know that this whole time, he has been taking everything seriously.

He didn't want to leave you alone, not when you were hurt, not even when you were by yourself, just minding your own business. This whole situation is serious to him, even if he found it hilarious to tease you and bother you all day, he was just trying to find reasons to spend time with you.

Just trying to find ways to stay by your side.

He steps closer to you and you swallow hard, regarding him with cautious eyes.

What is he going to do?

You plead with him to say something, erase that expression from his eyes, give you some sort of implication. The hazelnut color isn't as vibrant anymore, it's a shade darker, turning his eyes into a color that reminds you of cocoa or warm milk tea. It’s a color that accents those copper flecks making it seem as though the sun was dancing within.

You stare into them with wide eyes of your own, your breath shortening and your heart beating at a million miles per minute.

“You want me to leave you alone?” he whispers, softly, his voice deep and thick. You don't answer him, glancing away for a bit.

In that mere moment of distraction, he takes the opportunity.

He leans close to you, pressing his lips right next to your ear, the warm feeling of his breath on your neck causing shivers to run down your spine. A sensation you haven't felt in a while, and catches you off guard, near stopping your heart. You go still, as though he would disappear if you made the slightest movement.

You don't want him to disappear.

“What if I can't do it?” he inquires, the sound of his voice reverberating in your eardrums causing you to take a shaky breath. Your eyes grow wide as he pulls away.

He tilts his head at your reaction, his smile growing. It's a sweet, affectionate smile, one not many people have given you. He reaches out to you in response, his hand brushing your cheek softly before tucking your hair behind your ear. The touch sends shivers down your spine and you can't move.

You're at war with yourself.

You want to give in to his touch, close your eyes and bask in the soft, gentle touch that is his and only his.

But you don't give in, you can't give in.

You have to ignore the way it makes you feel and resist falling into some delusion that he could care about you. You can't handle that heartbreak...

Not again.

His eyes hazy as he looks at you and a slight smile playing on his lips, he licks them before swallowing hard and trailing his hand past the skin behind your ear and down the side of your neck. You don't mean to, but you let out a sharp inhale of breath at the touch and close your eyes for a moment before raising them to his.

He blinks a bit in astonishment at the way you look at him, faltering a bit before, gingerly securing his hand behind your neck. Each finger tapping down on your skin as they secure their hold, a gentle touch that pulls you closer. He smiles at you for a moment, as the hand mixes into the wet tangles of your hair.

“See? Even now it's hard to stay apart for long.” He murmurs, and you narrow your eyes at him, trying to hide the smile that begins to grow by pursing your lips together.

His hand trails slowly down, before resting on the small of your back and pulling you even closer. Instinctively, you keep a hand out, as though to distance yourself as it presses against his chest.

He smiles, his eyes sparkling once more with mischief before reaching down and hooking his arm around your knees; buckling them over his arm as he lifts you once more.

You cry out as he does, the hand on his chest quickly securing its hold behind his neck. You are not going to take any chances this time. He smiles at you once you are settled and you give him a look.

“This again?” you ask, raising your eyebrow a bit. He nods, mutely taking off his hat and securing it on your head, purposefully making sure it goes halfway down your face. Narrowing your eyes you adjust it, making sure it fits right on your head. Feigning annoyance, you poke him in retaliation, right in his cheek. He holds his hand to his face in mock shock before your pout turns into a smile and you laugh, resting your hands around his neck once more.

“Onward, my young stallion.” You say, your voice taking on a bit of a British accent, and he plays along a bit of a twinkle in his eye before he begins to walk forward.

You can feel it as it begins to pound down once more on the two of you and the soft pelting sound as it dapples on Taehyung’s hat. But all you can think about is the rush of adrenaline that arises once he takes off running. As though the rain were some sort of poison from the sky. The roar of the storm and the deafening sound of thunder mixes with the roar in your ears and the sound of resounding laughter as you cling desperately to Taehyung.

He smiles, underneath your touch, the same feelings and emotions coursing through his veins as his feet slap on the concrete ground, splashing up puddles of rainwater along with him. His feet stomp quickly to a stop as he nears the car and he opens the door, setting you down securely inside. Though the movement is quick, he is so gentle and careful to make sure he doesn't damage your injury before you are secure.

As he sets you down, you almost reluctantly pull your hands from him but only to remove the hat he gave you and hand it back to him. He takes it from you slowly, before placing it back on his hair. You smile up at him, before flicking the brim of the hat.

“See you on the other side.”

𝔫𝔬𝔱𝔢: okay you know that moment when you reread something and you forget for a moment that you wrote that? yeeah that's me. right now. at this moment.

chapter 18 here

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sunnywritesstuff34 · 3 years ago

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Illusions

(Yayyyy. Another one. It’s been a while, sorry. just wanna preface this by saying that like... I usually don’t really give a shit about Obito, but I figured this was a natural progression of the story and I kinda wanted to try and dive into Obito’s psyche a little so. here we go. tell me what you think. @ghostjellyfishheart here’s the next chapter lol. pls mind the tw’s)

TW and CW for: MAJOR UNREALITY, seriously stay safe, Obito is kinda spiraling a lot, grieving, struggling with morality, drinking, alcohol, less then stellar coping mechanisms of all kinds, don’t do this kids, child death, ghost child, dead kid, you don’t like... see her die but Rin is very much not alive, references to suicide, implied suicide, the uchiha massacre is its own warning, murder, its bad. its just. its just bad. did I mention unreality? a lot of that, death of a family member, obito is having a hard time with feelings, probably dis@ssociation, pretentious symbolism, scratch that, definitely dis@ssociation

Obito Uchiha is upset.

And that is, frankly, ridiculous. Obito does not get upset. What does upset even mean? Is he sad? Mourning, perhaps? Or is he just worried? Either way, its borderline impossible. He shouldn’t be feeling anything. Obito doesn’t feel anything. Sure, he plays at it, when he’s Tobi. He feigns and pretends, he’s good at that. That is what he is, that is all he is. To Itachi, he is Madara. To Konan and Nagito, he is Obito. To everyone else, he is Tobi. Obito has taken on mask after mask after mask on in his life, both figuratively and literally. Sometimes he doesn't know where Obito ends and another begins. Obito does not feel anything, not for anyone that isn't Rin. Never for anyone that isn't Rin, and he left her behind a long time ago. And yet this boy, this child, has him reeling somehow. Has him… well, like before, the only word he can use is upset. He is rattled. And it has been so long, so long since he’s felt anything at all, that he doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know how to fix it. He kept seeing Sasuke in his head, kept remembering memories from years ago when he thought about the kid being gone forever. He remembered the first few years Itachi brought Sasuke to the compound, he remembered spontaneously discovering his obsession with tomatoes by accident with Kisame (who would not stop laughing. He had just never seen anybody. Put an entire tomato in their mouth. And Sasuke did it like it was the most natural thing in the world! Kisame wouldn't shut up about it for at least a week). He remembered helping the boy train with his newly forged chokuto, he remembered the grim determination towards his family and how much it reminded Obito of himself, he remembered all of it. And none of that should have mattered, because it wasn't real. None of it was real, the next world would be. The next world with Rin and Kakashi and Minato-sensei still alive, a world without… without Sasuke. Or any of the other Akatsuki. And that was what he wanted. He was sure that was what he wanted. Only in his room could he show the weakness tightly coiled in his stomach. But there was a knock on his door and it made him straighten up, instantly putting the mask that he just took off back on his face. He walked to the door and opened it, only to find the older Uchiha brother staring back at him. Obito blinked.

“Itachi-san. What are you… what are you doing here? I- uh… come in.” Obito and Itachi sat down at the small table in Obito’s room and stared at each other awkwardly. “So… how can I help you?” Obito tried to ask, unsure of whether to say it like Tobi or just let his guard down and talk like himself (whoever that was). Itachi cleared his throat.

“You are the only person in this godforsaken place that has sake that's worth a damn,” Itachi explained calmly. He looked away. “It has… been a long week.” Obito could tell the truth in that statement just from his cousin’s voice. Itachi sounded exhausted, and the perpetual mask of indifference had begun to slip when his little brother went missing. The two of them looked at each other and came to an understanding. For the next few minutes, there was no talking. Obito grabbed some glasses and poured his strongest sake out for the both of them, and they drank in silence. They only actually picked up a conversation once they were both drunk enough for the awkwardness to melt away.

“He’s likely not dead,” Obito commented bluntly. Itachi only sighed.

“If he is, I have no idea what I'd do,” Itachi grumbled casually, like it was an ordinary thing to say. “Certainly wouldn't stick around here. Probably follow in Shisui’s footsteps.” Obito only nodded, knowing better than to pry on that particular bit of insight into Itachi’s life. They were silent for a few more minutes before Obito spoke again.

“The massacre,” Obito started. “I was long gone by the time it happened. What… are you and Sasuke really the only survivors as the rumors say?” Itachi nodded, throwing back another glass. Obito thought about that bitterly, about his grandmother who wouldn't have been spared. Itachi sighed.

“Right. I've never really talked about this with anyone, and Sasuke and I don't speak about it much. You know how sharingan awakening works, yes?” Obito nodded, mind involuntarily flashing to his own experience.

“Well I made some genuine friends on my genin team. It was the first time I ever had any friends.” Obito closed his eyes and took another sip. Friends, sharingan awakening. Being crushed under a boulder with your crying teammates looming over you. Thinking, no, don't cry, it doesn't hurt. It really doesn't hurt. I can't feel anything, please don't cry. Watching a particular white haired individual (a traitor, that traitor) desperately try to save you. Losing a part of yourself, a part of yourself you didn't even know you had, and giving it to someone else. Forever living with that, knowing that your other eye is somewhere, because you can still feel it, but not knowing much else. The aching absence that grows from that. He opened his eyes again. “I watched them die, right in front of my eyes. That awakened my Sharingan, and when I went home, my father congratulated me. He congratulated me. It was a nightmare and he was proud. I don't know, that always stuck with me. But anyway,” Itachi paused to drink more sake as the room spun. “Sasuke’s eyes woke during the massacre. I didn't get there in time. He watched our parents die, managed to hide in the closet and keep quiet the whole time so they didn't find him. I got there in time to stop them from killing him, and realized his sharingan had awakened because of everything. I wasn't able to save anyone, but I was able to save him, and that's all that matters.”

“I understand,” Obito replied evenly. “I know what it's like to be too late.”

Itachi’s eyes slid over to him. “Yeah well… whatever. The Uchiha had been planning a coup for a while. Danzo, he gave me a choice. Either kill everyone myself and have Sasuke be spared to live happily in the village. Or, to let them kill everyone, Sasuke included. I didn't… I refused either option and tried to get there but I was too late. They killed everyone in one night, a bunch of Anbu who were deployed for the massacre. Like I said, Sasuke managed to hide. I knew that Danzo would be after us, so I grabbed Sasuke and we got the hell out of dodge. He didn't speak for months afterwards. Not a single word, other than screaming during his nightmares. It was probably a little selfish, but I… I missed him. There was no more ‘Itachi, look at the score I got at the academy!’ or ‘Itachi look, look I learned a new move!’ There was just… nothing. He was so vacant. If he's dead- if he’s dead after everything we’ve been through, I don't- I have no idea what I'll do. We have to find him, and we have to kill the people who took him away from us. We have to.” I know, he wanted to shout. I know, I feel the same way, but I don't know why! Itachi left not long after that, stumbled back to his room, and Obito fell asleep in his armchair. That night he had a dream, a dream of Rin. it had been years since he dreamed of her, usually they were memories and bits and pieces, but this was different. He opened his eyes in his dream to a dark plane filled with ink, darkness stretching in every direction. It was a frequent setting he found himself in, usually the dream would be about him sinking into the oily substance until he couldn't breath. But this time it was low enough to wade in, his feet touching the ground, whatever that was. In the middle of the expanse, there was a bone white skeleton of some creature he didn't recognize, and Rin. He staggered towards her, and she hugged him without a word. In dreams like this he was always covered in blood, the Obito from years past. But now he was just him, and he was maskless.

“Just what have you gotten yourself into now, Obito?” she asked, and it sounded just like her. It wasn't her, he was fairly sure of that, he was dreaming for god’s sake, but it sounded like her. It seemed like her, and that was enough. “It's okay to be worried about the kid,” she said, running fingers through his hair while he tried to calm his breathing.

“It's not real,” he managed hoarsely. “None of it. Nothing in this world is real, I shouldn't feel anything. So why… Why do I…”

“Does it matter if it's real?” she asked. “It feels real. Maybe it is, Obito.”

“Obito is dead,” he whispered. “At least the one you knew- Obito doesn't exist anymore.” Rin only shook her head, looking past him at nothing at all and smiling sadly.

“I don't believe you,” she said evenly. “You're still Obito. No matter how many names you take or how many masks you wear, I know who you are. And I think you do too.”

“It's not real,” he tried again, weakly.

“If it's not real, then why do you help Konan with the dishes? If it's not real, then why do you want to save Itachi’s brother so badly? Why do you make plans for Nagato’s dream in the supposed next world when you don't have to? Why do you stick around Deidara to make sure he doesn't get killed? Why do you help Sasori with his puppets? Why, Obito?”

“I can't be Obito,” he muttered quietly. “He’s dead. He died with you.”

“He is right here. He is sitting here with me. You're still you. You'll always be you.”

“B-But…. But Madara-”

“Madara is dead,” she said with finality, shaking her head. “Madara is a dead man now. You are the only thing that can bring him back, and you have a choice.”

“I've never had a choice.”

“You do now. Madara isn't here.”

“This is all just an illusion.” She smiled sadly.

“I'm an illusion, Obito. Your world is not.”

His dream didn't fade out from there. One second he was sitting in a dark dreamscape with his dead friend, and the next he was in the Akatsuki lair, laying in an armchair, sitting up and gasping for breath. His back hurt and his neck was aching from the weird position he dozed off in, and Obito could already feel the nausea of an inevitable hangover coming on. Still, he sat up properly, stretching his neck and running a hand through his short hair. Itachi was probably passed out in his room or throwing up already, and Obito had a hunch that he’d be feeling the same way pretty soon. He looked down at the floor and forced his eyes to focus. He didn't have time for a drunken hallucination within a drunken hallucination. But when he turned his head, he felt himself recoil and raise his hands to his face. The orange plastic from the ground winked back at him. Obito had taken his mask off. And now it was cracked.

#yeahhhh #lol anyway #was this short?#maybe #Obito knew most of those details about the massacre #obito #obito uchiha #uchiha massacre #akatsuki #kisame #Sasuke Uchiha #itachi uchiha #uchiha itachi #naruto #naruto fanfiction #naruto fanfic #naruto au #unreality tw #madara uchiha

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the-breath-in-air · 3 years ago

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Fixing "Boy Erased" (2018)

I recently decided to watch Boy Erased (2018) again, now that we're a couple years out from its initial release (and hype). And I came away with some thoughts.

First, something I think worked. You know that scene near the end, when Jared (Lucas Hedges) is trying to leave the conversion camp and he's racing through corridors and whatnot. That whole sequence works, but there's one moment that really stands out.

Jared attempts to get his phone and Michael (one of the 'camp counselors') tries to physically wrestle it away from him. There's a bit of a fight but eventually Jared makes his way to the bathroom and he calls his mom to come take him away. He then emerges from the bathroom and says to Victor Sykes (who runs the camp), "If you, or anyone else puts their hands on me, I have witnesses." Victor puts up his hands and says, "Nobody's gonna put their hands on you. Why would anybody do that? Come and sit. We're gonna wait for your mom, okay?" Then there's a hard cut to this:

Victor Sykes and Brandon literally laying their hands on Jared and praying. And I love that juxtaposition because it brings to light the violence inherent in this situation. They're restraining him through enforced religious acts. There's violence in this prayer.

And on top of that, it serves as a pretty good metaphor for the whole film. Jared's parents (especially his mother) believe they're helping but really they're hurting. They can't see the violence of their actions in sending him to the camp.

If only the rest of the film was working on this level.

Problem the first: Audience as observer. The film is really about observing its subject, Jared, as he experiences these events. But it isn't about giving us any insight into his perspective or interiority as he does so. The camera is looking at Jared more often that it is revealing to us what he's seeing. Perhaps the most obvious example of this issue is with the perfume ad scene. Jared is on a run and he comes across a perfume ad on the side of a bus stop with a bare chested buff guy. The camera shows us the ad, and then the rest of the scene has the camera (and thus, the audience) placed some distance away as we see Jared first touch the ad, then throw a rock at the ad, and then scream "fuck you" at it repeatedly. The ad itself isn't salacious enough to illicit that kind of response in the average audience-goer, and the camera is so disconnected from Jared's experience that we aren't really gaining insight into why this ad is affecting him in such a strong way. It ends up making it so that scene really does not work.

This isn't to critique Lucas Hedges's performance in that scene. It's more to say that all the other elements of that scene make it feel ridiculous - because the audience has not been guided toward viewing that ad in the same way that Jared does in that moment.

The second problem: Casting. To be absolutely clear, this is not a knock against any of the actors performances. On the contrary, I think everyone was pretty dang exceptional. Rather, it's more a conversation about casting choices. Two of those choices really stand out as somewhat misguided: Xavier Dolan as Jon and Emily Hinkler as Lee.

Turns out Emily Hinkler is a nonbinary actress. Lee (the character) is a cis guy who is conspicuously unmasculine. (If you've seen the movie - he's the one who gets hit in the head with a baseball). Casting a nonbinary actress as a cis boy at a conversion camp feels a bit off on it's own in that a conversion camp would be forcing people to adhere to assigned genders at birth. But I could get behind it as a sort of statement, like, a casting decision as direct opposition to the enforced gender binary of a conversion camp. i.e. Why should the movie adhere to the oppressive gender binary that the camp would? However, by casting a nonbinary actress as the least conventionally masculine character - it actually feels like it ends up reinforcing the binary. Lee's defining trait is that he's small and unmanly and, afaik, he's the only one of the male characters who is not portrayed by a cis man.

My issue with Xavier Dolan's casting is much simpler: Jon feels like he was written as a teenager and Xavier Dolan was approaching 30 when this was filmed. Maybe it wouldn't have bugged me so much if I didn't already know who Xavier Dolan was when watching the movie? Like, maybe if you watch it without knowing the actor's age, it works better? But also, the character feels like a teen but isn't explicitly stated to be a teen. So whenever he was on screen I kept wondering if actually part of Jon's situation is meant to be that he is 30 but stuck in a sort-of adolescence due to his relationship with his abusive father. Or did they just cast Xavier Dolan to portray a teenager?

This brings me to the third problem: Not enough of the ensemble. Jared, and thus the audience, spends proportionally, little screen time with the other people at the camp. They are rarely shown talking to each other - especially outside the restrictive observation of the camp's 'counselors.' This could be part of the point - i.e. that the camp is so isolating - but that isolation wasn't really highlighted by the camera/scenes/dialogue...so it really feels more like it's just an oversight. The movie focuses on Jared and his individual story and so the rest just fell by the wayside.

This is really unfortunate because there are some (potentially) great characters in there, especially Jon and Gary. Jon went through the program once before and is now back for a second time. We don't know what happened to make him come back. He appears to be 30-ish but he's staying at a hotel with his abusive father. He is completely invested in the program and treats his sexuality like an addiction. He has even taken it upon himself to forego all physical contact with other men (not even a handshake). His self-loathing is at once horrifying and heartbreaking.

In contrast, Gary (Troye Sivan) knows the entire program is bullshit, but he's playing along for his own survival. He's over 18; he lived with his boyfriend for a year prior to coming to the camp. So that begs the question of how his family convinced him to enter to the program. Also, Gary's so invested in his own survival, that he stays silent and is complacent in the abuse and violence he witnesses against others in the camp. He is both a victim and a bystander (at times).

I think this film would've really benefited from spending more time with these characters (as well as Sarah, portrayed by Jesse LaTourette, and Cameron, portrayed by Britton Sear) in the camp and seeing how they all interacted with each other. Give us a sense of their different contexts and perspectives - and give us a better sense of the ways that conversion camps disempower the people sent there (even people like Gary, who knows it's bullshit). It's the thing that makes all the other movies about conversion camps work so well.

Which brings us to the fourth problem: the ending. If we spend more time with the ensemble, we'd either end up with a really long movie or we'd have to cut out something else. Well, folks, we can cut about 10 minutes off the end. Everything after the dinner Jared has with his mother post-escape can go. The climax of the film is when Jared finally decides to leave the camp. The resolution comes when his mother places herself in opposition to Jared's father (which she had never done before) and decides that she's going to take Jared home. And the emotional resolution comes when she admits to Jared that they made a mistake and that they harmed him by sending him to the camp.

Everything after that is extraneous. We don't really need to see Jared living in a city with a boyfriend, or see him begin to reconcile with his father. His relationship with his father was never the emotional core for the film. Boy Erased is, in some ways, a movie about self-actualization and that's the sort of movie that's best to end with something a bit open-ended. Y'know...a sort of end-that's-just-the-beginning kind of thing. Because the story of Jared falling in love and dating and moving out and gaining the self-confidence to confront his father - well that's a whole other movie. And here it gets shoved into the epilogue, which does the whole thing a real disservice.

Then there are the informational cards at the end. Two stick out as being particularly frustrating. One, "The real Victor Sykes left L.I.A. in 2008. He now lives in Texas, with his husband," feels irrelevant and unnecessary. The audience cares about what happened to Gerrard Conley (who wrote the story and whom Jared is based off of). But why do we care about what happened to the real guy who ran the camp? We don't...except for the jab about him now being married to a man - which feels like it's a more significant point for the cis straight people in the audience than for anyone queer. Turns-out-ex-gay-pastor-was-actually-just-gay-the-whole-time is not revelatory, I gotta say.

Then there's also this:

The emphasis about conversion therapy "practiced on minors," feels a bit disconnected from the film we just watched - which emphasized how abusive and traumatizing it is, even for adults. And in the U.S., all states currently legally allow conversion therapy for anyone 18+. Only Washington D.C. has banned it. And that, to me, is equally egregious, yet it isn't mentioned. The film itself challenges the notion that it's somehow okay for this to be practiced on adults because it's ostensibly their "choice," and then the info cards at the end shy away from that stance by focusing on kids.

I think the thing I find most frustrating about this movie, is the wasted potential. As I said at the beginning of this, there are some moments that really stand out in how they use the medium to convey meaning. There are some choices in how the film uses light and brightness (or lack thereof), that are pretty dang good, too. But ultimately, it's a film I feel so detached from and I think some of what I explained above is part of why.

#boy erased #lucas hedges #xavier dolan #emily hinkler #troye sivan #joel edgerton #nicole kidman #jesse latourette #britton sear

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boop-le-snoot · 4 years ago

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PARTY FAVOURS I the scholar interlude

💖 first time reader click here 💖

Bruce Banner angst (&POV). Because our boys are sad and writer has a saviour complex. That's about it.

For the longest time, Bruce Banner considered himself unwanted, unloveable, undesirable. He would've been just as happy to be ignored as he was content with existing only within the confines of his own lab, his presence on this planet only marked by the ever growing pile of projects and articles with his name on them.

Dr. Robert Bruce Banner. He wanted nothing to do with his father's name so he dropped it years ago but one look at his government ID still made him sick deeply in the pit of his stomach. Sometimes, being the Hulk had it's advantages, and by that he meant, it was good that people mostly left him alone.

But his life was built on exceptions and he knew that sooner or later, the carefully maintained balance would tip one way or another. The exception came in a form of a fellow brilliant scientist and innovative engineer - just like multiple times before, he'd worked side by side with Tony without a second thought, not expecting much more than the feeble attempts to make friends and subsequent abandonment once Tony got what he wanted from him.

Bruce failed to take into account, perhaps, the most obvious thing: Tony was a man who had everything and nothing. Bruce didn't expect Tony's deeply rooted loneliness to affect him; after all, he was used to being alone himself, alone was safe, for everyone, not just him. But Tony's smile was a little wicked, and it knocked and knocked on his doors until he had no other option but to let Tony in.

"PUNY BANNER ALWAYS AFRAID," Hulk mocked him inside his head. Despite wanting to blow out his brains every single day, Bruce sighed and soldiered on, focusing on his research instead of answering to his green problem. It was all pointless anyway.

Days blended into one another like they tended to do when one had no destination; achievements and professional success stacked up on top of each other but it was all a tapestry, background noise to his ever-living cacophony of problems and struggles with fighting with himself. Every day, he wanted just to lay down and die.

In times like these, the Hulk took the wheel, dipping Banner nose-first, like a misbehaving pet, into the fact that he had nothing to live for. Nothing to look forward to. The meaninglessness of his life.

"Maybe, the destination isn't that important," She was a child, a girl little out of her teens, and it alarmed Bruce how much she seemed to agree with him sometimes. It seemed wrong for someone so young to be so disillusioned with life. "Maybe it was the shawarma we ate along the way," She shrugged, not noticing how those words seemed to affect Bruce at all. These days, it seemed, children crawled out of the womb already bitter and disappointed.

It went on like that for ages. She was a contradiction, very much like Tony, with a grin that was a little wicked and a mouth that was a little shameless. She bore no expectations towards him and seemed to be slightly afraid of herself; the longer he thought about it, the less sense it made. He was a logical man, left-brain-dominant, and he was entirely sure it should have been the other way around.

The Hulk, however, didn't seem to agree with him. As usual, he wanted to say, the green beast was just making his life difficult because he - he was the anger, the grief Banner himself hadn't been allowed to express - but the more he was forced to listen to the Hulk's ramblings, the more terrified he found himself. Because he agreed.

She'd smile at him over the top of the beaker and Bruce'd smile back before he could catch himself. The guilt always came and went. It was hard to feel guilty when she refused to. The carelessness that all young people possessed was blossoming in her; only later he found out how wrong he was - there was no carelessness, there was no youthful joy, she was just as afraid and confused as he was.

"Puny Banner afraid," Hulk remarked, thoughtfully.

Yes, yes, he was afraid. He was afraid he'd tainted her somehow, but Hulk violently rebuked the thought, refusing to let him out for several hours, taking control almost pleadingly as the green beast attempted to convince Banner befriend the girl. In the end, he gave in. He always gave in.

He was afraid many times after that one, but it was a different fear. Fear of loss wasn't anything either Banner or Hulk were familiar with so the learning process took even less time than they both predicted; somehow, the woes of figuring out a friendship with an outsider united the man and the beast more than any battle against a common enemy. It was puzzling but also incredibly rewarding; the joys of a common success elevating both persons stuck in a single body.

"Banner afraid?" The Hulk asked, seeing the Asgardian trickster himself enter the lab.

No, Bruce said, because Loki looked like he'd rather be anywhere else but in the green beast's lair; something important was on his mind and if they had to guess, it was their Princess.

"The Widow asked me a favour," Loki began, eyeing the various contraptions in the lab. "Although, I must admit, I have no idea why she thinks you can do serious damage. The beast is merely a beast and you, Banner, would rather shoot yourself in the foot than harm anyone but yourself," The man's tone was bored.

"I don't understand..?" Bruce was confused, temporarily losing the guarded attitude.

"I think you do. And it's about time you stop making other people save you from yourself," Loki's green eyes caught his own and Banner's breath got stuck in his throat; there was something intimate, a very familiar expression on Loki's face. It disappeared as soon as Bruce quietly acknowledged it. "I, for one, have no desire to lose this... Sense of companionship that has been cultivated recently." With that, the god turned around and promptly exited the space, taking any possibility of explanation with him.

"Banner afraid of himself," The Hulk concluded, uncharacteristically mellow in the back of his mind. Bruce cursed wordlessly, the green beast merely laughing in response. "Princess isn't afraid of Banner, isn't afraid of Hulk," The Jolly Green boasted, feeling way too satisfied for someone who'd made their first friend.

The childlike joy was infectious, it turned out, and day after day it became easier to breathe around here. Only his darker part wasn't as under control as it used to be and continuously craved more and more; as soon as Bruce acknowledged she was no child but rather a very capable, intelligent woman who's been forced to grow up sooner than strictly necessary, the desire consumed him, turned him careless and sloppy.

It didn't help that Tony had come to the same conclusion. Hulk all but forced Banner to go out and confess and clear his conscience; it seemed that lately, out of two of them, Hulk was the adult and Banner was the child being egged on to finally grow up by a persistent, supportive parent. Hulk and supportive? More likely that you'd think, especially when the green creature itself was interested in a positive outcome.

"Banner afraid?" Hulk's quiet words provided him with the strength he needed to meet her eyes, wide and round, as she wordlessly pleaded with him to help her. No, he was not afraid, not anymore. He believed her, he believed himself. For the first time in ages, he had a reason to be.

Banner wasn't afraid anymore. That said, it wasn't as if he suddenly became careless and sloppy - more like the opposite. Turned out, he was living his life without a care in the world but his paralyzing fear of himself. It was hard to be afraid under a thousand-watt smile, it was impossible to stay invisible seeing yourself reflect in eyes that shone brighter than the stars.

He'd always considered himself to be a hopeless romantic to the point of ridicule. He'd reached a point where love songs made sense and no poet was quite skilled enough to capture the sweet storms raging behind his ribs. If anything, she returned the sentiment tenfold, quietly and shyly.

Love didn't scream from the rooftops and didn't force him to fall head over heels only God knew where; it had been next to him the whole time, quiet and drowsy, waiting, expecting. Over dinner or under florescent lab lights, the Beast and his Beauty shared the conversations, ate the soul food.

"I think, if I had to ask for a portrait of Us, I would have to request the painting twice," She said, puzzling his mind (as usual). He remained quiet, expecting her to explain. "There are the public Us, the ones that wear their suits and smiles like warriors wear armour. That's the way I want the world to remember me, pretty and smiling. I don't want people to cry at my funeral, I want them to dance and be happy because I existed," She caught his stare, smile a little too teasing and eyes a little too serious. "And then there are Us that only we see. It's intimate and I don't think the whole world has earned the privilege to see me like that. I don't think some paper shark should have the honour to see the way Tony's eyes light up for you or the way Loki gets gentle around Wanda. Things like that are earned," It was bizarre, it was strange and it made all the sense.

Perhaps, it was the fact that his Princess was just as weird as the rest of them that made her fit in so quickly, so easily. And he was afraid - it was only a matter of time until the idyllic atmosphere would turn into something heavy and difficult.

It did, but not in the way he thought it would be. For the first time in years, Banner was angry. Not Hulk - Bruce was angry, and he allowed that anger to flow, to course through his veins like molten lava. He didn't fight it, he wasn't afraid of it. Not anymore.

She took it away, too. In the end, she was the bandaid to his bleeding wound, the lullaby to soothe his fear - Banner was angry but Hulk was afraid. They both knew they were helpless, having to rely on others to make sure they will never, ever feel that way again.

So when the female-looking symbiote landed on the patio of the residential floor, Bruce's heart skipped a single beat only. Tony's prone form raised a reasonable amount of concern, but their attention quickly turned to the girl-no, woman, standing still, both terrified and fearless at the same time, as she once again took his fear and anger away.

She was beautiful, like a goddess, like a Valkyrie from Thor's tales, dropping the enemy at their feet like a cat brought his prey to it's owner; her actions screamed "love me" but her words knew it might as well be the last time she'd see them be warm towards her. Much like Banner, she was afraid of herself. Of what she's capable of.

"Bruce, don't tell me you're okay with this," Tony pleaded. Banner knew Tony, he knew how sensitive was the engineer to his personal bubble being broken and he knew, she knew it, too. If she was willing to take the risk, they meant more than life to her. It was an honour, really.

"I'm not but I have to be," He removed his glasses, rubbed his eyes. "I can't risk it, Tony. If we reject her now, we'll never see her again. She's just as terrified as we are, if not more. We've been living like this, what, five, ten years? And it never gets easier. I know it, you know it." The more he spoke, the surer he became. "She accepted us, our shit and all. For once, I'll be the better person and do the same." With that, he departed for her, hugging her from behind as Natasha and Loki stood by her side with Wanda holding onto the Asgardian.

Bruce held his breath until Tony joined in, hiding his silent tears in his shirt. Neither of them could decide what hurt more - losing her or the potential of facing the very unforgiving reality of their life. Bruce had to trust Tony to pick the right option, to do the right thing and it was terrifying, it was skin-frightening but sometimes, there was just no other way.

THE TAG LIST IS NOW OPEN! @another-stark-sub @mostly-marvel-musings @vozit @littlegasps @pilloclock @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads @hermione-grangers-wife @individualistfem @sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby @romeo-the-cactus @jelly-fishy-babie @mikariell95 @gladiosamicitias @warrior1-19 @toomanyrobins @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming

#party favours #bun writes #bruce banner x reader #bruce banner x y/n #bruce banner x you

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lilylysanderscorpius · 4 years ago

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Lily stopped abruptly almost tripping over a step at the sound of her own name.

Then she heard the unsettling sound of her grandmother crying.

'We have to warn her Ginevra- did you not warn her about associating with his kind?' Molly lamented.

Lily frowned, her heart beating fast.

'Warn me about what?' she asked, stepping down the last few steps and into the kitchen.

There was a loud noise of paper rustling as Ginny immediately thrust whatever she and Molly had been looking at behind her back.

'Lily' Ginny's face went pale as she addressed her daughter.

Lily looked from her mother's face to her grandmother's. Molly Weasley looked as though someone had died; her face was stained with tears and her nose was running a little. Upon seeing Lily she let out another long, sorrowful wail.

Ginny looked at her mother with an exasperated expression before turning back to her daughter.

'Lily, we don't want to upset you. This could be a little… surprising'

'What is it?' Lily's voice rose and her chest heaved in trepidation. She'd never seen her grandmother so upset- at least not since James had vandalized her signed copy of 'Magical Me' by Gilderoy Lockhart.

Ginny looked her gravely in the eye and slowly took the magazine out from behind her back.

'We need to ask you if this is real' she said swallowing hard.

Lily looked down at the magazine in front of her. Splashed across the top were the words 'Witch Weekly' in large pink letters. But it was what was underneath those letters that made Lily's stomach flip and her entire body start to sweat. Her eyes widened, her lips parted and she let out a small whimper of shock.

Underneath those awful pink letters was a moving photograph- a very close up photograph of Scorpius.

Scorpius with his lips on her lips.

Scorpius with his hands on her neck and his thumbs brushing her cheeks affectionately.

And there she was kissing him back just as passionately.

Their faces took up the whole cover, every movement of their lips and flutter of their eyelids as they moved against each other clearly visible.

The colour drained from Lily's face and her hands shook violently. She looked up at her mother and grandmother with an expression of utter horror before instinctively turning on her heal and running back up the stairs.

'Lily! Lily wait!' Ginny yelled up after her with concern. Her calls were drowned out by the sound of Molly's distressed wails at the realization that Lily's reaction could mean only one thing; that photo was no fabrication.

Lily throttled back into her room and slammed the door shut behind her. She let herself fall back into the door and slid down it into a heap on the floor, breathing heavily.

Her mind raced. Witch weekly. The cover of witch weekly. How many people would see it? All of magical England? Perhaps some of France and America too?

The thought made her feel suddenly nauseous.

Could she stop it? Get her mother to make a complaint to the editors; stop the sale of it?

But of course not- if her grandmother had it then it was already out there. Already printed. Hundreds, perhaps thousands of copies. Of that photo.

Lily gulped. That photo. Judging from the studs in Scorpius' ear and nose it had to have been taken when they kissed on Halloween. Her face burned, her entire body hot with embarrassment.

There was a loud thumping sound and Lily jumped, pulled out of her muddled thoughts. It was Ginny knocking on the door behind her.

'Lily- dear please come out. You- you're not in trouble. Of course you aren't- we just need to...need to figure this out' Ginny pleaded through the door.

Lily stayed silent. She didn't know what to say. What was there to say?

'You need to tell us what's going on with you and this Scorpius boy… just explain so that we can make sure there are no false rumors going around-'

Scorpius, Lily thought with a jolt. She had to warn him.

Lily hurriedly got up off the floor and ran forward to open the window and call for Weebles. He swooped up into her room and she immediately went about writing a short note to send Scorpius;

Our photograph is in Witch Weekly. My family's seen it. Be careful.

She didn't know how, or of what, he was supposed to be careful but in her current state of mind she couldn't think of anything else to say. She quickly attached the small piece of parchment to Weebles' leg and instructed him sternly to give it to Scorpius and Scorpius only.

As Lily watched Weebles fly off into the distance, she could still hear her mother pleading through the door.

She sighed deeply.

She would have to face this. There was no other way but to go back downstairs and explain. Lily gathered her wits about her, took a deep breath and opened the door.

Seeing the look of nervousness on her daughters face, Ginny silently pulled her into a tight hug.

'Come on' she said gently, giving Lily an encouraging smile. With an arm around her shoulders she led her downstairs to where Grandma Molly was still weeping in distress. Only now Grandpa Arthur was standing by her side looking incredibly uncomfortable as he tried to console her.

'Come now dear, don't cry, it's just a photograph… we'll figure this out' he mumbled, sounding stiff and terribly unconvincing.

Lily stopped in front of her grandparents and looked down at her hands, which she was twisting together nervously.

'It'll be alright dear' Ginny said, standing by her side and softly rubbing her shoulder.

Lily gingerly stepped forward and took her grandmothers hands in her own.

'Grandma- I know you might have heard some bad things about Scorpius's family- I know they weren't, well that they weren't on the right side in the war but-'

'Not on the right side? Not on the right side?!' Molly wailed incredulously. 'Lily, they were death eaters! Their lot are responsible for the rise of the dark lord! For the death of Teddy's dear parents- and of your grandparents! For the death of- of-'

Molly's lower lip trembled and she looked as though she might break at the seams from her grief. Arthur quickly put his hands on her shoulders and gently squeezed them as though hoping the physical act of holding her together would keep her together mentally too.

'-of my dear boy, your late uncle Fred' Molly finished with a heartbreaking sob.

Lily's gaze fell and she stared at the table, unable to face her grandmothers grief stricken eyes.

'I know that Grandma- I do' Lily whispered. She swallowed hard and forced herself to speak louder. 'But Scorpius- he has nothing to do with that. And he's a good person, if you had ever met him you would see that-'

'No my poor dear- you've been tricked!' Molly exclaimed, throwing her head back and looking at Lily with alarm. 'I know what their lot is like. I was at Hogwarts with his grandfather! Always seemed so charming, so handsome. A very popular boy that Lucius Malfoy. Fooled all the girls, he did- but he was rotten to the core-'

'Mum-' Ginny cut in quickly, putting a hand to Lily's shoulder again. 'Please, we can't jump to conclusions. None of us have ever even met the boy-'

But Ginny was interrupted by a loud knock at the front door. She let out a sigh and hurried off to open it. Moments later Ron's voice could be heard in the hallway getting louder and louder as he approached the kitchen.

'Ginny! There's something you need to see. Something terribly distressing I'm afraid. Quite shocking indeed. It concerns Lily-'

Ron stopped abruptly upon reaching the kitchen and finding himself face to face with a very annoyed looking Lily. He looked from her to Molly, who was still letting out loud, heaving sobs seated at the small breakfast table.

'Oh...' Ron exhaled awkwardly. 'Already seen this then?'

He held up a copy of Witch Weekly in one hand and Lily lunged forward to tear it out of his grasp so that she could get it out of everyone's line of vision. She threw it angrily in the sink and inexplicably caused a stream of water to burst out of the tap above drenching it.

'Lily! No magic outside of Hogwarts!' Ginny scolded her, hurrying forward with her wand out to stop the stream of water.

'Hey! That cost almost a whole Galleon you know-' Ron exclaimed but he swallowed the rest of his sentence upon seeing the death glare Ginny sent his way.

'A galleon you've just contributed to the magazine that is prying into my daughters private life!' she yelled at him.

'Well I didn't know you already had a copy...' Ron muttered sulkily.

Rose and Hugo peered awkwardly out from behind Ron who still stood frozen in the doorway. Upon seeing Lily, Rose pushed past her dad and ran over to throw an arm around her in comfort.

'I'm guessing you didn't get the 'talk' then' she whispered to Lily sympathetically as Ginny forced Ron down into one of the chairs next to Molly so that he could comfort her.

'What 'talk'?' Lily shot back in confusion.

'The 'no dating Scorpius Malfoy talk'' Rose hissed under her breath.

'I've heard it almost a million times. Dad gives it to me at the beginning of every semester'

Lily shook her head at the ridiculousness of it all. She'd never seen her uncle exchange even one word with Scorpius and yet he'd felt compelled to warn his daughter away from him. She looked over at her Uncle Ron with renewed annoyance. He sat with a comforting hand on Molly's back whispering to her.

'It's alright mum. Remember when Ginny went out with that twat Micheal Corner? That only lasted about three seconds…'

'But I LIKED Micheal Corner!' Molly exclaimed, missing Ron's point entirely.

'Who on earth is Micheal Corner?' James asked lazily from the doorway.

Lily shot around in alarm. She could see Albus standing behind him. The pair were in their good dress robes, ready for the dinner party. They both looked equally confused to see Grandma Molly in tears and everyone else standing around looking shell-shocked.

Lily ran over to the table to grab the other copy of Witch Weekly before her brothers could spy it, but just at that moment there was a tapping on the glass of the kitchen window. A large black raven was perched on the windowsill outside.

It took her a few moments to realize this was the raven that had delivered Scorpius's presents all those years ago when they had spent Christmas in the Room of Requirement.

Lily forgot about the magazine momentarily and ran instead to the window. She opened it up and held out a hand into which the bird dropped a small piece of folded parchment. Lily heard an outraged gargling noise come from behind her signaling that James had seen the magazine.

'LILY- WHAT? WHAT? WHAT- IS- THIS?' James spluttered loudly and stupidly in her direction.

Lily let out a sigh, closing her eyes. She still couldn't believe this was happening. She heard Albus muttering and tutting under his breath, seemingly unsurprised.

'Merlin Lily- I told you this would happen…'

Lily ignored them both and quickly opened up the folded parchment, hoping whatever Scorpius had to say about this sorry situation would somehow be comforting.

But she had no such luck.

Lily's eyes bulged and her heart thud upon reading the neat, cursive writing in front of her.

'No! No!' She exclaimed in despair.

Ginny rushed forward to see what was wrong as James continued to have a meltdown in the middle of their kitchen.

'SCORPIUS MALFOY? MALFOY? LILY WHAT WHERE YOU THINKING?'

'What is it dear?' Ginny asked hurriedly, taking the piece of parchment out of Lily's stunned hands to look. She looked down and gasped under her breath.

'Oh Merlin…'

The small piece of parchment read;

Don't worry- I'll come over and explain.

Lily looked up at her mother with a pained expression.

'He's coming here! Mum he's coming here-!'

Lily felt panic flood her veins. She did not want Scorpius to see her family like this.

'Yes, not such a good idea right now' Ginny agreed hastily. 'Perhaps owl him back and let him know now is not a good time. He's welcome of course some other time- after, well, after I've explained all this to your father-'

Lily's stomach clenched with dread; her father. He was still at the Ministry but the moment he came home he would find out. He would see it. That photo. In fact, maybe he already had.

'THE BOY WHO THREATENS PEOPLE WITH UNFORGIVABLE CURSES!? THE BOY WHO SPENDS ALL HIS TIME READING UP ON DARK MAGIC? YOU CHOSE TO SNOG THAT BOY?!'

James was still yelling in the middle of the kitchen and his descriptions of Scorpius were causing Grandma Molly to gasp in despair that her suspicions about his character had been confirmed.

'SHUT UP JAMES!' Ginny roared, sending the entire room into a tense silence.

Lily ignored them all and rushed around looking for a quill and ink.

She tried to find the right words to put it politely but in her current panicked state all she could think of was; Don't come. She lent on the kitchen bench and began to write, but her shaking hands caused her to blotch up the paper and need to start again several times.

'Lily hurry dear, he might be on his way…' Ginny said quietly beside her.

Lily took a few deep breaths, steadied her hand and went about writing;

Scorpius, please don't come. Now is not a good time.

She folded it up and held it out to Scorpius's raven. The bird just blinked back at her.

'Please take this to Scorpius and please hurry' she begged, willing the menacing looking creature to listen to her. The raven cocked it's head to the side before opening it's large, sharp beak to take her parchment.

To Lily's surprise it flapped its wings and flew not outside but inside. It shot past her stunned looking relatives and down the hallway towards the front door.

Lily rushed after it, a feeling of dread tugging at her heart. Just as the bird reached the end of the long, slender entranceway, the doorbell rang.

Lily skidded to a halt in front of the door. She groaned internally. It couldn't be. It truly couldn't be.

But it was.

She gingerly opened the door to find a very nervous looking Scorpius standing on the doorstep, wearing a pair of ripped black jeans, an old grey t-shirt and the dusty brown apron that he wore when helping his father with the shop. He must have come directly from Knockturn Ally and thus arrived so quickly. The raven immediately flew out and deposited the parchment into his hand.

'Lily-' he gasped as he took the parchment from the bird. He looked more stricken than Lily had ever seen him.

'I don't know how this happened- but I think we ought to explain this to your parents and-

Scorpius stopped suddenly and looked her up and down in surprise.

'You- you're dressed nicely' he noted looking at her dress robes.

He absentmindedly opened up the parchment and began to read as more words tumbled out of his mouth.

'Anyway I thought- I thought I should really help you explain seeing as how this is sort of my family's fault for being so notorious and all and- oh'

Having let the words on the parchment sink in, Scorpius's face became even paler.

'S-sorry. I'll- I'll go-' he spluttered turning around quickly and making to disappear as fast as he had appeared.

'No, Scorpius-!'

Lily rushed out and grabbed his wrist.

'You're welcome to come in Mr Malfoy'

Lily and Scorpius both turned quickly around at the sound of Ginny's voice. She was standing in the doorway looking much more together and calm than either of them, beckoning for them to come in.

'Go on. You've come all this way' Ginny said gently giving him a kind smile.

Scorpius looked at Lily's face to see if it was okay. Lily looked back at him blankly, her mind racing. This did not seem like a good idea.

This did not seem like a good idea at all.

https://m.fanfiction.net/s/12973166/100/

#lily potter #fanfiction #harry potter #scorpius malfoy #lily luna potter #scorily #lysander #scorpius #next generation #scorpius x lily

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lovelystarlings · 4 years ago

Text

Chapter Three - The Sorting Hat

——————————————————————————

A loud, deep voice echoed through the train, shocking Camille awake from her much needed nap as she peered out of the doors of the carriage, pulling her robes on gently over her clothes as the boys peered out from behind her. "We will be reaching Hogwarts in five minutes' time. Please leave your luggage on the train, it will be taken to the school separately."

"Well, here we go boys." She spoke, her arms linking through theirs, one either side of her. "Looks like we're here."

The train slowed right down and finally stopped. People pushed their way toward the door and out on to a tiny, dark platform. Camille shivered in the cold night air, pulling Harry and Ron closer to her in an attempt to gather some warmth. Then a lamp came bobbing over the heads of the students, and Camille was shocked to see what looked like a half giant calling over to the trio, plus Hermione and Neville who had been behind them, clearly recognising Harry : "Firs' years! Firs' years over here! All right there, Harry?"

"C'mon, follow me -- any more firs' years? Mind yer step, now! Firs' years follow me!"

The narrow path had opened suddenly onto the edge of a great black take. Perched atop a high mountain on the other side, its windows sparkling in the starry sky, was a vast castle with many turrets and towers.

"No more than five to a boat!" Hagrid called, pointing to a fleet of little boats sitting in the water by the shore. Harry, Ron and Camille were followed into their boat by Neville and Hermione, who sat herself once again next to Camille, the two immediately in an animated conversation. "Everyone in?" shouted Hagrid, who had needed a boat to himself. "Right then - FORWARD!"

And the fleet of little boats moved off all at once, gliding across the lake, which was as smooth as glass. Everyone was silent, staring up at the great castle overhead. It towered over them as they sailed nearer and nearer to the cliff on which it stood.

"Heads down!" yelled Hagrid as the first boats reached the cliff, the boats sailing through a wide open in the cliff face. They were then carried along a dark tunnel, which seemed to be taking them right underneath the castle, until they reached an underground harbour, where they clambered out onto rocks and pebbles.

"Oy, you there! Is this your toad?" said Hagrid, who was checking the boats as people climbed out of them, Neville being the last one to exit, a excited look on his face as Hagrid passed the toad to him.

They walked up a flight of stone steps and crowded around the huge, oak front door.

"Everyone here? You there, still got yer toad?"

Hagrid raised a gigantic fist and knocked three times on the castle door.

The door swung open at once. A tall, black-haired witch in emerald-green robes stood there. She had a very stern face, and an intimidating posture.

"The firs' years, Professor McGonagall," said Hagrid.

"Thank you, Hagrid. I will take them from here."

She pulled the door wide. The stone walls were lit with flaming torches, the ceiling was too high to make out, and a magnificent marble staircase facing them led to the upper floors.

They followed Professor McGonagall across the flagged stone floor, Camille's heels clicking awfully loudly, drawing the people behind her to look at her, one platinum blonde boy even had the audacity to wink at her. Professor McGonagall showed the first years into a small, empty chamber off the hall. They crowded in, standing rather closer together than they would usually have done, peering about nervously.

"Welcome to Hogwarts," said Professor McGonagall. "The start-of-term banquet will begin shortly, but before you take your seats in the Great Hall, you will be sorted into your houses. The Sorting is a very important ceremony because, while you are here, your house will be something like your family within Hogwarts. You will have classes with the rest of your house, sleep in your house dormitory, and spend free time in your house common room." Camille crossed her fingers of the hand that wasn't entwined with Hermione's at the hope she'd be put in a house with Harry, Ron and Hermione.

"The four houses are called Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Each house has its own noble history and each has produced outstanding witches and wizards. While you are at Hogwarts, your triumphs will earn your house points, while any rule-breaking will lose house points. At the end of the year, the house with the most points is awarded the house cup, a great honour. I hope each of you will be a credit to whichever house becomes yours."

"Now, the Sorting Ceremony will take place in a few minutes in front of the rest of the school. I suggest you all smarten yourselves up as much as you can while you are waiting." She gave a slight smile and nodded in Camille's direction, who's appearance seemed unphased by the journey, her shoes still shining and her hair tied back with not one hair out of place. She looked pristine next to Ron, who had some sort of soot across his nose.

"Move along now," said a sharp voice, the Professor had returned from her leaving. "The Sorting Ceremony's about to start."

"Now, form a line," Professor McGonagall told the first years, "and follow me."

Feeling oddly joyous about what was about to happen, Camille got into line behind the boy with almost white hair with Hermione behind her, Ron and Harry following, and they walked out of the chamber, back across the hall, and through a pair of double doors into the Great Hall.

It was lit by thousands and thousands of candles that were floating in mid-air over four long tables, where the rest of the students were sitting. These tables were laid with glittering golden plates and goblets. At the top of the hall was another long table where the teachers were sitting. Professor McGonagall led the first years up here, so that they came to a halt in a line facing the other students, with the teachers behind them. The hundreds of faces staring at her looked in shock, like they had never seen a veela before, making Camille's cheeks glow dangerously red. Dotted here and there among the students, the ghosts shone misty silver. Hoping to void the staring eyes, Camille lifted her head gently to the ceiling, eyes twinkling as she gasped at the star covered ceiling, constellations scattered everywhere as shooting stars made their way across it. She heard Hermione lean into her, whispering quietly so they didn't draw any more attention their way.

"It's bewitched to look like the sky outside. I read about it in Hogwarts, A History." The girl spoke, Ron and Harry both listening too.

Camille found it hard to believe that the ceiling was ceiling at all, and not an opening to the heavens.

She quickly looked down again as Professor McGonagall silently placed a four-legged stool in front of the first years. On top of the stool she put a pointed wizard's hat, with patches of discolouring and rips everywhere.

For a few seconds, there was complete silence. Then the hat twitched. A rip near the brim opened wide like a mouth -- and the hat began to sing:

"Oh, you may not think I'm pretty,

But don't judge on what you see,

I'll eat myself if you can find

A smarter hat than me.

You can keep your bowlers black,

Your top hats sleek and tall,

For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat

And I can cap them all.

There's nothing hidden in your head

The Sorting Hat can't see,

So try me on and I will tell you

Where you ought to be.

You might belong in Gryffindor,

Where dwell the brave at heart,

Their daring, nerve, and chivalry Set Gryffindors apart;

You might belong in Hufflepuff,

Where they are just and loyal,

Those patient Hufflepuff's are true And unafraid of toil;

Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,

if you've a ready mind,

Where those of wit and learning,

Will always find their kind;

Or perhaps in Slytherin

You'll make your real friends,

Those cunning folk use any means

To achieve their ends.

So put me on! Don't be afraid!

And don't get in a flap!

You're in safe hands (though I have none)

For I'm a Thinking Cap!"

The whole hall burst into applause as the hat finished its song, Camille bearing a wide smile, the hat seemed like it would be a very jolly person, or rather hat. It bowed to each of the four tables and then became quite still again.

"So we've just got to try on the hat!" Ron whispered to Harry. "I'll kill Fred, he was going on about wrestling a troll."

"That's bloody ridiculous," spoke Camille, her eyes rolling in amusement. "Dumbledore would never allow a troll into a school for children, that's just absurd."

Professor McGonagall now stepped forward holding a long roll of parchment.

"When I call your name, you will put on the hat and sit on the stool to be sorted," she said. "Abbott, Hannah!"

A pink-faced girl with blonde pigtails stumbled out of line, put on the hat, which fell right down over her eyes, and sat down. A moment's pause-

"HUFFLEPUFF!" shouted the hat.

This process went on for a long time before Camille's name was called, though hers was called way before any of her friends, each house cheering louder than the other when a new student got assigned there.

"Delacour, Camille." McGonagall spoke loudly, all eyes turning to look at the French girl who began to make her way up to the stool, nervousness coursing through her veins at the piercing stares of the Hogwarts staff and students. She giggled as she heard a few wolf whistles and yells of encouragement from Ron and Hermione.

"Hmm," said a small voice in her ear, making her jump gently on the stool. "Difficult. Very difficult. Plenty of courage, I see. Not a bad mind either, incredibly smart, you my dear would do well in Ravenclaw. There's talent, my goodness, yes - and a nice thirst to prove yourself, yet an increasing amount of anxiousness and dear, you really must eat more, now that's important.... So where shall I put you?"

Camille gripped the edges of the stool and thought, Not Slytherin, remembering her parent's hatred for it, she wouldn't want to disappoint them more than she did just by existing

"Not Slytherin, eh?" said the small voice. "Are you sure? You could be amazing there, you know, and Slytherin will help you on the way to greatness and help you make more friends, no doubt about that - no? Well, if you're sure -- better be GRYFFINDOR!"

Camille heard the hat shout the last word to the whole hall. She took off the hat, passed it to the Professor and walked shakily toward the Gryffindor table. She was so relieved to have been chosen and not put in Slytherin, she hardly noticed that she was getting the loudest cheer yet. The Prefect got up and shook her hand vigorously, while the Weasley twins yelled, wrapping their arms around her in a brotherly fashion, "We got Camille! We got Camille!"

She could now only hope that Hermione, Ron and Harry followed the same path.

"Granger, Hermione!"

Hermione almost ran to the stool and jammed the hat eagerly on her head.

"GRYFFINDOR!" shouted the hat.

Hermione practically sprinted to Camille, jumping onto the seat beside her and giving her the widest smile she had ever seen, her arm wrapping around Camille's shoulder like a snake, the latter finally being able to breath at the thought of not being alone anymore.

Time passed quickly, and soon enough Harry's name was called, everyone's heads snapping to see where the boy would be placed. As Harry stepped forward, whispers suddenly broke out like little hissing fires all over the hall.

"Potter, did she say?"

"The Harry Potter?"

Harry took his seat on the stool, a good few minutes passing as the tension in the hall grew, the hat eventually shouting out to the joy of Camille.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

The two Weasley twins jumped up and began to shout as they had done with Camille, "We got Potter! We got Potter!" Camille and Hermione joined them jokingly, welcoming Harry with a warm hug as he perched into the seat opposite, flushed red as people leant over to shake his hand, some even asking for autographs.

And now there were only three people left to be sorted. "Thomas, Dean," a Black boy even taller than Ron, joined the trio at the Gryffindor table. "Turpin, Lisa," became a Ravenclaw and then it was Ron's turn. He was pale green and shaking by now. Camille crossed her fingers alike Harry under the table and a second later the hat had shouted, "GRYFFINDOR!"

Camille whooped loudly with the rest of the house as Ron collapsed into the chair next to Harry, still looking worryingly green, though perking up as he spotted to food that covered the table.

Giving the boys opposite a smile, Camille laughed excitedly, not only had she gotten into Gryffindor, but she was also in the same house of the three she was sure she would get along with greatly. First year was off with a bang. A literal one as the man of the hour stood up and cleared his throat loudly, his half moon glasses twinkling with the reflection of the candles.

Albus Dumbledore.

#harry potter #harry potter x reader #hermione #harry #hermione granger #hermione granger x reader #verla #hogwarts #veela #fluff

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izzyphantomgamer · 5 years ago

Text

Episode Ignis.

A consideration of Ignis Scientia and his Episode.

I apologize if this is not my usual ridiculous post, but I wanted to talk about Ignis, a small rant of how I felt through all of this. If you want to read a sad post then please do, listen to the OST ‘Solidarity’ if possible.

"I'm afraid I must ask for your forgiveness"

Those words opened the Episode. It takes no genius to know how tragic his story is, perhaps all of us cried but the more I repeated the playthrough, the more I realized how unaware I was the first time I saw it.

"I'm more worried about Noct. I'll find a way to the altar, but I need you to keep the enemy distracted."

"Be safe."

Being thrown into the water from a falling building that collided with an airship was never the easiest thing, but he had no time to wonder if the others, nor if he, himself, was alright. The moment he opened his eyes from the collision, he only had one thing in his mind: Noctis.

Ignis "I need your help: I fear Noct is in danger."

Camelia "As in the entire city of Altissia. In case you haven't taken a look around. He and his 'girlfriend' are probably long gone."

Ignis "No, I made a promise to keep him safe - a promise I intend to keep!"

Camelia "How noble. I'll see what my men can do - but I won't promise anything."

This was the start of it – the change in his personality that we never expected. The side of Ignis that we never saw before, but nothing could prepare us for what was about to come.

Ignis "Wait, I need to go to the altar. I need a boat."

Commander "Have you lost your marbles?"

Ignis "No - but we'll lose the King if we don't act."

Noctis is the future King of Lucis and it was his job to protect him and guide him, he was his royal retinue. ‘We’ll lose the King if we don’t act’ I believe that behind those words, lies something deeper. Ignis was not there to save Noctis, the One True King; he was there to save Noctis, his brother. He was not there to save him because it was his duty, he was there to save him because losing Noctis was unthinkable for him.

Prompto "... Do you copy?"

Ignis "..."

Gladiolus "Ain't a hard question, Iggy. Do you copy - yes or no?"

Ignis "Yes, I copy."

Gladiolus "Then speak up next time. Look: I'm just as worried as you are, but we can't go losing our heads. If we wanna save Noct, we've gotta keep it together."

Ignis "Yes, I suppose you're right."

Prompto "We'll keep moving. Hang in there, Iggy."

Ignis "I will... Thanks."

He was in a panic, his mind was racing. The once calm and sensible man that achieved all of his objectives through a clear and efficient manner, it was all disappearing. All he had in mind was to save Noctis and the fact that he was unsure how or if he made it in time made him apprehensive to the point that all he knew was to fight through the crowd of soldiers that prevented him from reaching the altar.

"Hang on, Noct... I'm on my way."

He ran through the streets, he fought through hundreds of enemies, all alone at first, he tried to find a solution while aware that he had no time to lose. He continued to move, no concern of how much his body was in pain or how exhausted he felt. He would never let anything stop him.

Ignis "Noct, didn't choose to become King, his ascension was ordained by the Crystal, it wasn't mere happenstance."

Ravus "It must have been a mistake, one that must be corrected."

Ignis "You of all people must understand how Noct feels: bereft of both parents and forced to carry on despite losing those you love. You both feel that pain!"

Despite all he went through that day, it was far from the end. He fought Ravus to save Noctis, he did all he was able to, he tackled him to the ground as he felt his body no longer able to do much because of the fatigue, but even so Ignis nevertheless continued to fight until he was no longer able to stand, while he still had all of Noctis’ pain in his mind, all the suffering he went through. It was evident at that point, about how much Ignis deeply cared for him.

"I swore an oath to stand with Noctis and keep him safe. Whatever it takes, I will protect him!"

"This world means nothing to me. Do with it as you wish."

"But I refuse to let Noctis sacrifice his life to save ours. I won't let you take him away!"

"Even if it costs my own life to save him... I will pay that price!"

This is the point where we all realized how reckless he was when Noctis was in danger, how he was ready to sacrifice his life, not for the King of Lucis, but for his brother Noctis that he wanted to save. All that talk about the One True King that needed to be saved for the sake of the world, but to damn with that. He acted not out of the sense of obligation as a Crownsguard officer to sacrifice his life just for the sake of his title, but out of his own selfishness to permit Noctis to see and live another day.

But that was not all – the moment before Ardyn was able to hurt Noctis, the panic and fear on the face of Ignis was too visible to be missed, how helpless he felt to see the one dear to him get hurt while he was pinned on the hard ground. It was too much for him to take, it came to the point that he was almost reduced to tears, but to his relief Ravus managed to save him in time.

"Please... forgive me..."

The Ring of Lucii, we know the price to pay for the power it gave for those who are not of royal blood and he certainly paid, how much pain he felt, how much of a torture the sensation was, how his consciousness almost left him but he swung his daggers still, he carried on and neglected the pain to make sure that Ardyn never got too close to Noctis. He was supposed to give up his life in exchange for the power he obtained, but his desire to protect Noctis surpassed all else and he it allowed him to live, but not without a cost – his sight. To live in the dark, to fail to see how Noctis got older and how he changed. He was never able to see that. But what use did he have for his sight if Noctis got killed? He told himself that, I honestly do believe it.

"Where's Noct? Is he... alright?"

The first question once he was able to speak through his ragged breath. Again, all that was important for him was his safety. He fought a whole army of soldiers, their magitek armor, bestiary, Caligula, Ravus and Adyn but all he wanted was to know how he was, that was all he asked. If Noctis was alright then somehow he’d managed.

Ignis "Perhaps it might be best if we brought our journey to a close."

Noctis "Why?"

Ignis "It's just that... uhm... we've already lost so much... too much"

Noctis "That's exactly why I have to keep going - because if I give up now, their sacrifices would have been for nothing! And you... you, of all people... You should know that better than anyone."

Ignis "The decision is yours to make and yours alone. But do remember we will stand with you always and help you bear your burdens. Don't be afraid to let us share the load. I'll be back."

How naïve I was, to think that he wanted end the journey because of all the pain he went through and because of his lack of sight when the reason was far greater. He saw a vision, the future that awaited Noctis – the future where he was to sacrifice himself to defeat Ardyn. He did not want to see that, he did not want to live a day where he was no more. He wanted Noctis to be away from that danger. He wanted to be selfish and convince him to end their journey. Although, who was he to force Noctis to be quiet while Eos was in danger. He was aware and it pained him to accept the reality he was confronted with.

It makes me think how much he cared for Noctis since the day he met him, through simple tasks like cleaning after him, making sure he had a proper meal and attending meetings in his stead. As his mother died and his father was busy as the King, he took it upon himself to make sure that he became a proper person despite sometimes being at a loss of how to do it. It makes me think even more how much he sacrificed for Noctis, how much he cares for him and how hard he worked to overcome his blindness for the day of his return. Sometimes, what gets me is at some point in the game, Gladio said that Ignis wanted his world to be crystal clear, but now all he saw was the dark.

I’m just glad I was able to get this off my chest.

#final fantasy xv #final fantasy #final fantasy ignis #ignis #ignis scientia #episode ignis #sad post #noctis lucis caelum #sacrifice #ff xv ignis

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years ago

Text

Savannah & Jac

Savannah: Are you on your way here? Jac: I hadn't started to get ready yet Jac: got caught up doing some prep for our next lecture, haven't looked at the clock in a minute 🤯 whoops Savannah: well thank god, I was hoping to catch you before having to dramatically tell you to turn around, especially if you had happened to be half way to me Jac: Oh? Jac: What's going on in UH tonight? 😄 Savannah: Nothing, which is perhaps why we're the centre of attention Jac: 😬 Don't love the sound of that Jac: what's been said? Savannah: I'm not even sure because the way she was saying it gave me the most INTENSE Catholic school flashbacks Savannah: & I've overanalysed every syllable to the point that it's been twisted beyond recognition so I can't be trusted to reliably relay any of it Jac: Okay, pause Jac: who's being mean to you, and why on earth Jac: Is it that one girl in the next room along from you, because I did think she was someone's little sister so I can believe the immaturity Savannah: I think she was trying to be complimentary about us but I didn't take it like that, I can't, not after everything Jac: Baby Jac: just try to explain it best you can Jac: take your time, and I'll forgive any personal interjection Jac: because I care more about how it's made you feel, than how it was said or meant, really Savannah: she's made me feel like I'm doing this all wrong, exactly how I said I wouldn't, holding you back and being too much Jac: But you aren't at all Jac: what would she even know about it, she doesn't know either of us, even a little bit Savannah: maybe that unbiased outside perspective is what I needed to make me realise the mistakes I'm making Savannah: because it isn't just her, they're all talking about how you're ALWAYS here, how inseparable we are Jac: Do you feel like we're taking things too fast, being too much? Savannah: No Savannah: but I didn't last time either Jac: okay Jac: because you know you can tell me, if you are Jac: I mean, I don't know what to do with this information Jac: we don't judge them for their relationships Savannah: I was fine, but I'm scared now, obviously Jac: that we're like you and Tyler, or you and Milo Jac: or that we're repeating our past and it'll end badly again Savannah: that I can't have a relationship that isn't ridiculously co-dependent, except it's not even, because that implies that they were as extra as I was Savannah: & that I shouldn't have entered into this one if I haven't changed enough to avoid repeating things Jac: They balanced you out Jac: and I don't Savannah: they let me do whatever I wanted, that isn't what I want from you Jac: but if it's what we both want Jac: it's hard for me to think we should listen more to these girls, who are probably speaking at least from a bit of jealousy, than that Savannah: No, because it isn't what we both want, a healthy relationship is what we both want Jac: Yeah Jac: you're right, of course Jac: but, I don't like the implication that they know what works for us Jac: if we need to reevaluate, it can still be on our terms Jac: I bet lots of them have never had a serious relationship, or only the same level of unhealthy as we have before, they're not qualified Savannah: They don't know us or have any qualifications & I believe you're right about the jealousy factor but I am still willing to see & use this as the wake up call that I need to do better Jac: We can do that Jac: I trust you Jac: I'm not going to see this as you pulling away or something I've done Savannah: please don't, because it isn't Jac: It was my initial fear Jac: but you never leave me to worry Jac: and the fact that I immediately went there is just something I need to address too Savannah: you have reason to go there, it's okay Savannah: how I handled things back then is precisely what I'm trying to avoid Jac: I completely see that, I honestly do Jac: I'm sorry if I got defensive right there Savannah: & I can see that I've slightly overreacted now that I've slightly calmed down Jac: It made me feel the same Jac: like you said, the school flashbacks are no joke Savannah: I'm so sorry I told you not to come, I'd hate for you to think that's what I want, ever Jac: It's okay, we can take a night off Jac: but I'm also not gonna tell you you can't come to mine instead, once they've all gone back to their rooms or whatever Savannah: are you going to tell me what prep you were doing which I should've been instead of freaking out? Savannah: because I need to know Jac: Of course Jac: we haven't competed like that for a LONG time now Jac: it's not like we were asked but I asked [your fave prof bff 'cos lord knows I'm using the photos] on the way out last week if there was anything we could study up on ready for next term Savannah: once I've done everything he has suggested & fixed my 😢 face I'll come over Jac: My poor boo, I hate that they upset you so much Jac: also that we only have showers Jac: or I'd recommend a bubble bath as first order of business Savannah: honestly the lack of 🛀🏾🥂 upsets me more than anything Savannah: but in all seriousness, it wasn't even those girls at fault, I got myself worked up Jac: it is a travesty Jac: we need a place with an en-suite next year Jac: because the idea of sharing a bath with god knows who is no more appealing than NOT having one 😰 Jac: it's okay, I won't insist on being that stereotype and 'having a word' with them, they can live, for now Savannah: if checking into a hotel wouldn't be viewed as the ULTIMATE overreaction, I definitely would use the 💳 my dad insisted upon giving me Jac: I can only imagine the flashbacks that would give him 🙄 Jac: not worth the stress nor satisfaction Jac: though I was thinking we could do something, go somewhere, before the Christmas hols, as we will both be obligated to go all in with the family during Savannah: there would be SO MUCH satisfaction but I promise, I'll resist and be good, for now Savannah: no such promises of 👼🏾 for a family Christmas though, so I love that idea Jac: We can make that happen with just a shower, I promise you Jac: even if we just see a bit more of Edinburgh, get that hotel, I wanna treat you Jac: and no one can stop me spending as much time as we're able lavishing attention on you before we have to go back Jac: because it's going to be stressful, we both know that much already Savannah: if you're feeling left out because your entire dorm isn't talking about us, I can make that happen once we're 🚿 Savannah: you're the most thoughtful girlfriend in the entire world, but if that's something we're about to start competing over in place of academics, that's more than fine with me Jac: I might regret saying I can handle that but Jac: I don't Jac: 😳😳 Savannah: you won't have any, I promise Jac: I love you Savannah: I'm utterly in love with you Jac: I'll never get over hearing that Savannah: you don't have to because I love your 😳 too Jac: It's so different Jac: even though we used to say it like all the time Savannah: you know I meant it every time, it just had to be different Jac: and it is Jac: third time's a charm Jac: we'll make it work this time, no matter how much work that might be Jac: because it's so worth it Savannah: yes, it is and we will Jac: I'm gonna order all your faves when you get here Savannah: 🥰 Savannah: hopefully the lecture prep won't take me too long Jac: you can always read through mine Jac: it's not like it's cheating, just a better way to do a study sesh Savannah: if you're going to send it to me, absolutely, but if you're expecting me to concentrate on reading through it when I get there, I'm sorry but there's no way Jac: I'm not that 😈 Jac: at least not at the sake of your education Savannah: & thank goodness as my parents are both already doing the most to interfere with my education right now with their constant communication Jac: yet imagine your dad in particular if you did any less than perfect Jac: I don't know how he fails to see how counterproductive the constant checking in is Savannah: or the pressure that he's been putting on me to spend Christmas with him from literally November 1st, I swear Savannah: it hasn't slipped his mind that I had no choice but to do that for the last two, even if the unfairness to my mother is something he refuses to think about Jac: Yes, I was about to say Jac: he'll have to think about how he's going to timeshare more efficiently with your mum now, just because it was his way or nothing for two whole years Jac: clearly, that didn't work so well for anyone BUT him Savannah: he thinks he can dictate to me as if I'm no older than I was when he forced me to leave & as though nothing has changed since then Savannah: I'm not going to jeopardise my mum's recovery by not spending time with her in the holidays Jac: To even suggest, let alone expect that from you Jac: even if he's not thinking about your mother, why would he want that guilt for you Jac: at least he cannot literally force you onto a plane to Sligo instead of Dublin Jac: it's getting Sienna, that needs to be planned Savannah: I'm at my wits end with her, it's like she doesn't see the problem Savannah: of course I'd understand her reluctance to spend it with mum but it's all about him, every single of her reasonings, because they aren't even really hers Savannah: she just fully believes whatever dad says Jac: 😕 That's hard Jac: because it automatically puts you in the bad guy camp Jac: because obviously it's nicer to believe that he only wants what's best etc Jac: but when she realizes that's not totally true, that'll be shattering Savannah: she's going to get hurt by him again, as if I wasn't there when he walked out teaching her to question everything that comes out of a man's mouth, that man in particular Savannah: I hate it Jac: I know 😞 Jac: all you're trying to do is protect her Jac: is she interested at coming like, at all? Jac: even if not the actual day of Savannah: It's not like I want her to spend her time and energy until her leavers cert hating him as much as I do, I know it'll be different for her now that I'm gone Savannah: but we get nowhere whenever I try to talk to her about mum, irrespective of the actual subject Savannah: I'm not giving up, of course, but I won't pretend to you that it isn't exhausting Jac: Of course you don't, you'd never tell her what to think Jac: but if you can see things differently, or remember how it was last time, it doesn't make you a bad sister, it's the opposite Jac: you never do ❤ Jac: I was just wondering, though this would be a bit morally dubious Jac: if we could trick her into spending some time with your mum Jac: I could make my sister invite her to something legit, like a family party Jac: your dad MIGHT say yes? I don't know Savannah: at this point I'm so close to walking away from everyone for the sake of my own mental health to spend the holidays alone & obviously that's not a real option I have available to me so I'm more than ready to do it & take the bad karma if it backfires Jac: I understand, last Christmas, I would've given anything to do just that Jac: I think it could work, your dad being the only potential block Jac: we could go for the second half, do New Years with her, maybe Savannah: 😞 I'm going to make sure you have the best Christmas this year, baby, whether or not this works Jac: I've got you, that's all I need for it to be perfect Jac: and we will work this out Jac: but as you said, it isn't even time yet, so you don't have to figure it all out tonight Jac: but when we do, you will have a peaceful and joyful Christmas, if it's the last thing I do Savannah: You're perfect & you're getting my undivided attention tonight, I truly do not care what opinion any or every American girl in this town has or decides to share Jac: A no-phone policy does not even need to be implemented when you're so beautiful Jac: it'd practically be a sin to not use every sense on you Jac: but seriously, whilst they may have a point, we're also further along than they might assume Jac: like I said, if they've never had a proper relationship, they're used to not getting texts back and having to be cool about it 🤷 Jac: we don't have to tone ourselves down or lessen what we have, if it doesn't serve us to do so, only in the ways it might Savannah: I will implement one though, some kind of a genuine family emergency happening again notwithstanding Savannah: I learnt a LOT about sin in Catholic school & you're totally right Savannah: you're the only person who I'd tone anything down for & since you haven't asked me, I really don't think it's necessary Jac: I appreciate it, a lot, you know that, right? Jac: the cliche isn't totally baseless then Jac: you can tell me all about it but we better keep that on the down-low 🤫 Savannah: okay, you don't want that specific dialogue broadcast to your entire dorm, just our mutual appreciation Savannah: I can do that Jac: I can only imagine how enthusiastic the boys would be Jac: and I only care about your enthusiasm Savannah: ugh, true Savannah: I forget too easily that we're not totally on our own once the door is closed, which I'm sure is what lead to that conversation taking place earlier Jac: We aren't the only ones who do that Jac: I swear to God I've heard at least four different girls going next door 🙄 Savannah: 🙄 not to mention I'm still getting woken up by a certain person we don't like just being loud while she undergoes her morning routine, which has literally been happening since I first moved in Jac: I can't deal with how loud she is Jac: the accent makes it so grating Jac: is she trying to be an influencer? make friends? either or 😬 honey no Savannah: ^^^ Savannah: I'm going to have to start going to bed earlier to compensate once lectures start Jac: She a THOUSAND percent has booked herself all afternoon/evening lectures and won't get why everyone is making such a big deal ??? Jac: so that girl Jac: I do my best work in the AM, that's just facts, not all of us plan to party through the entire experience, come on Savannah: So do I, as you know, so if she doesn't take the numerous hints once they are coming from more than just me, I'll have to move in with you & be that girl Savannah: which would entirely negate all the rational points I made earlier Jac: God, there needs to be a way to complain about her without it being dead obvious Jac: an amnesty box of sorts Jac: I'm still looking for doubles but no one is moving yet Savannah: If I have to befriend her to initiate the behaviour change that way, I guess I'll get used to the accent Savannah: you've said my 🥺 is like a superpower Jac: it would be very on-brand Jac: basically work experience for us Jac: and they are but she might fall for you and then she'd be around even more Savannah: oh no, imagine how vocal she would be if she did Savannah: it would be beyond difficult to cope with Jac: I would not cope Jac: at all Jac: so I shan't imagine it Savannah: 😄 Jac: 😥 Savannah: Baby, don't 😥 Jac: I'll have to go back to being a TOTAL bitch from hell if she dares Savannah: 🥺 no Savannah: you're an angel Savannah: & she isn't worth your time or energy, I am Jac: You Jac: x2 Jac: I don't care about anyone else here Jac: in the nicest way possible, of course Savannah: except [whatever your professor bff's name is] that's evident in the notes you've sent me Jac: Okay, he's pretty cool Jac: and definitely gonna help us get perfect marks Savannah: you definitely don't need his help Savannah: I'd almost forgotten just how intelligent you are Jac: I'll try not to be offended Jac: even though I was still totally convinced you'd be going to Bath before I saw you Savannah: I mean, actually, not in a romanticised way because of how much I was in awe of you Savannah: & I did go there, before I made up my mind which offer to accept & it didn't feel right Jac: I'm only teasing, I know that Jac: 🌌💫 Savannah: we were supposed to be here together, like we always talked about Savannah: I shouldn't have ever tried to fight that Jac: I couldn't even bring myself to check your socials before Jac: I don't know what I didn't want to see more, you know Jac: confirmation either way was just, no Savannah: I understand Jac: If I'd have seen gap year plans with Milo, that would not have been it Savannah: most of the time that we were intending to plan was spent arguing anyway, I'm not sure he really wanted to go at any stage of it Savannah: with me, I mean Jac: You weren't right for each other Jac: he's lost a lot more from that deal than you have Savannah: He'll be having a lovely time in hostels, undoubtedly Savannah: it won't be a culture shock at all Jac: Checks out Jac: authentic experience Jac: inserting himself with all the other foreigners Savannah: 🙄 Savannah: if I thought he had a posh accent, lord knows what they'll think Jac: he'll be stimulating the economy, they'll pretend he's not unbearable Savannah: at least he'll be stimulating something, I suppose Jac: 😂 Jac: you said it, not me Savannah: it speaks to my experience Jac: how anyone has the nerve to 🥱 you when you're so interesting is so offensive to me Savannah: it's not his fault that nobody else could ever be as interesting to me as you are, but he is responsible for the effort, or lack of that he put in Jac: no, it'd take someone really special to fight the 🌌💫 and it's plans for us Jac: and I can imply he wasn't that person, without being petty about it Savannah: it's honesty, he wasn't that person & he'd be the first to say so Jac: you're already happier, aren't you? Jac: on this path, this direction Savannah: yes, the happiest Jac: 😊🥰 Savannah: excuse me while I have one of those moments where I can't believe any of this is really happening & fully expect to wake up in Sligo for the summer to the realisation it was the most incredible dream Jac: It's actually such a fear Jac: I never want to go to sleep when I'm with you Jac: for that reason, and the obvious being I can't look at you with my eyes closed Savannah: but if you don't your subconscious can't talk to me & you know how much I love that Jac: so far Jac: what if I say something totally stupid and betray myself 😱 Savannah: you could never say anything stupid & I know you aren't going to betray yourself or me Jac: You trust me, I trust you Savannah: exactly Jac: if I ever say anything really cringe, you can just not tell me, yeah 😅 Savannah: 😄 like what? Jac: anything our favourite American might say, for example Savannah: she isn't actually going to attempt to flirt with me, boo Jac: I know, she's the definition of straight Jac: bless her Savannah: ^^ she's the only person I would apply the word definition to, literally anyone else has the ability to change & grow but she's CLEARLY set in her loud ways Jac: ^ That's totally the vibe Jac: she made her mind up aged 10 she was right and hasn't moved an inch since, whatever the subject Savannah: you're so right Savannah: What were you like when you were 10? Jac: Oh God Jac: let me think Jac: so, fourth class, absolutely LIVID over the fact we had 2 more years of first school after that Jac: thought I was way too grown-up for EVERYTHING Jac: there was probably some boyband I was into but if there was, I don't remember but Isabelle probably still has the merch and posters on her wall Jac: hopefully I was less insufferable when we properly met those years later Jac: how about you? Savannah: I can totally relate, except of course I thought I was too grown up for boybands too Jac: Totally Jac: it was like a secret shame but she had none, Amelia neither Jac: so I kinda had to go with it Savannah: 😄 Savannah: I had a very overprotective father who wouldn't have let me go to those concerts even if I had wanted to so Jac: it made sense to be anti then Jac: it was a lot of screaming and pre-teen hormones, it might've felt like it at the time, but you didn't miss out on a whole lot Savannah: if there'd been a girl band of that era I'd have been much more likely to have supported them, as a fierce little feminist Jac: Adorable Jac: you were cute, I remember that much Savannah: you've always been cute, I've seen the photos Jac: at least my hair had grown back in a decent amount by then Jac: I was so jealous of yours Savannah: really? I didn't even know how to properly style it back then Savannah: but I still insisted, obviously, instead of letting my mum help me Jac: I liked that Jac: you didn't just let your mum braid it and put a bow in Jac: I have to assume that was my logic when I cut mine Jac: independence, making my own choice Savannah: I thought I could do ANYTHING, it's embarrassing how big my aspirations were Savannah: & that there was no limit on the choices I had, there was total belief in that too Jac: it's nice Jac: I wish we stayed like that Savannah: imagine my 🥺 when I discovered inequality & where I was supposed to fit into it as a black girl, except don't because I was utterly devastated Savannah: we still have big dreams though & more choices than 10 year old me did Jac: I don't wanna cry Jac: you're still going to get everything you want Jac: and you've had to work twice as hard for it, no one can take that away from you Savannah: no 😢 we're both going to have a beautiful life Jac: ✨🌼🌷❤☀️❤🌹🌻✨ Savannah: I'll help you & you'll help me Savannah: now that I'm more willing to accept it than I was as a child Jac: and your hair is undeniably flawless Jac: we can do anything Savannah: Oh my god, it's my turn to be jealous of yours & I always am Jac: the fact you can be jealous of anyone blows my mind Jac: you are perfection Jac: but you can play with my hair all you want now Savannah: but not literally right now 🥺 Jac: life is so unfair Jac: I'm so proud of you though, working so hard Savannah: well I'm even prouder of you, these notes are flawless Jac: I've got my uses, yeah Savannah: [a picture of her own aesthetic af notes so far because we are both those bitches] Jac: [truly, could rinse the studyblr tag with these two] Jac: 😍😍😍 you've picked such pretty colours Savannah: [I have saved some cute psychology ones off pinterest for when they start their studies] Savannah: they do match my outfit but if I start sending pictures of myself I'll never finish Jac: if you start sending pictures of yourself, I'll find it harder to be supportive of your studies Savannah: I miss you too Jac: as long as we're in that together too Jac: I'll survive Jac: my room does need tidying before you get here Savannah: you're adorable, you don't have to tidy up for me Jac: for my notes to look perfect, my room has to get a little messy Jac: oh, and my hair, probably Savannah: I can fix your hair for you after we 🚿 Jac: as long as you don't think I look terrible when you show and run straight back Savannah: I've been 😢 so I don't have any room to judge but even if I did, you could never look terrible & there is no conceivable reason that I'd ever run away from you Savannah: but if you need to shown all of that when I get there, it's okay, I'm happy to Jac: I'm so needy, I'm sorry Savannah: you're allowed to want me & not be sorry Savannah: I definitely don't see it as a negative Jac: Good Jac: I haven't done this before Jac: I don't ever wanna be too much Savannah: well, you aren't doing it alone & I trust us more than the opinion of a random American girl I'm currently stuck living with Savannah: any amount of reassurance you need for any reason, it's fine, I promise Jac: 😌 I'm cool Jac: but thank you Jac: there's no one else I would want to or could do this with Savannah: there's no need to thank me, I'll do anything to make sure you feel happy & secure Jac: and I intend to return the favour, always Jac: in every way available to me Savannah: 😊 I know, I meant what I said earlier, you're very good at this, first time girlfriend or not Jac: I've got to be a worthy competitor and you're 👼🏾 Savannah: Catholic school taught me a lot about 👼🏾 too Jac: I'm so relieved they still had to give you an actual education as well Jac: I can only imagine how hard Science could've fallen by the wayside Savannah: still, I will not be enrolling my 👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾 when they're old enough Jac: at least you don't have to make that decision for a while yet Savannah: which is just as well because my immediate response was 'thank god', how blasphemous Savannah: 🙏🏾 hasn't guided this decision but there is a LOT of 🙌🏾 involved Jac: he'd approve if that was the only precaution you took, like Savannah: his approval would have to eclipse my actual father's disapproval, which is BEYOND unlikely Jac: 🙏🏾 is less vocal Jac: it's more signs than 🔊 Savannah: I think that's ⛪️ dependent, some 🙏🏾🙌🏾 is very vocal Jac: actual GOD himself though Savannah: hmm, well he is a man Savannah: it makes communication more challenging Jac: I'm sure little Savannah would've said herself Savannah: child me would've believed that god is a woman, another dream shattered for sure Jac: a woman wouldn't have done so poorly Jac: it's a compliment, really Savannah: exactly, with the zero communication, it'd be like excuse me honey, why are you so angry at me that you've blocked me? Jac: that kind of drama is reserved for me Savannah: not even, I know what I did to you Jac: you didn't do anything to me, not on purpose, I always knew that Savannah: it wasn't on purpose but that doesn't mean it's okay Savannah: I hurt you anyway Jac: We were both hurt and hurting Jac: it was a lot Savannah: yes, but it's important that you don't make excuses for me simply because of how much you want to forgive me Jac: I won't Jac: I can just recognize my role in everything too Jac: as well as the other factors that neither of us could control Savannah: ^^ we're not going to get hung up on it to the extent that it ruins everything, but we can & will acknowledge it all so that doesn't either Savannah: I do love a balancing act 😄🙄 Jac: You do it flawlessly Jac: but we don't have to examine our past and our current behaviour constantly Jac: night's off are self-care Jac: tonight can be one of them, we'll just be Savannah: okay Savannah: I don't know why it feels like I haven't seen you in a really long time, I swear I didn't fully disassociate during my freak out earlier Jac: I feel it too Jac: judge away, everyone Jac: we're making up for lost time Savannah: they'd understand if I actually let them spend time with you instead of stealing you away on sight Jac: I can't pretend to be devastated Jac: you're the most interesting to me Savannah: I can't pretend I regret it either Jac: 🥰 Jac: we have plenty of time to socialize Jac: and we do, with people who are relevant, like people on our course and the psych society Savannah: ^^^ Savannah: It's not my fault she isn't looking over my shoulder when I'm super active in both of those group chats Savannah: I was literally setting up a study group before she cornered me, excuse her Jac: 🙄🙄🙄 I don't care for her at all, even if she's brought a potential problem to our attention before it was Jac: like thanks but still, bye though Jac: maybe the rest of her art history course does NOT love her either 😬 like if YOU'RE lonely, just say Savannah: mhmm Savannah: if anybody understands loneliness, we do Jac: right, if the ego was taken out of it, we'd try to spend time with her, and loads of other people in your dorm etc would too Jac: she's not helping herself rn Savannah: I also totally understand overconfidence as a front for insecurity, like hello??! She could have an ally in me if she'd approach things differently Jac: 🤞 she gets there before the year is out Jac: I don't want anyone struggling, seriously Jac: but I know forcing friendships when they aren't happening naturally isn't healthy Jac: never mind accepting people's toxic behaviour when we're actively trying not to do or be that Savannah: I couldn't agree more Savannah: though, despite what I said before about her not flirting with me, there is a very high possibility she'll fall in love with you if you keep being so perfect Savannah: everyone will Savannah: it's not as if she has to like girls to appreciate your intelligence, empathy or compassion, even if understanding your resilience & determination is clearly a harder task for her right now Savannah: a beautiful soul is a beautiful soul Jac: 🥺 Jac: Baby Jac: beautiful recognizes beautiful, that's all I have to say Jac: you make me feel so much better than I've ever thought I am Savannah: I can't say if I achieve nothing else while I'm here I'll be satisfied, because you know me better than that, but I am proud to be able to list that as an ongoing one because I've never met a better person than you Savannah: you deserve to feel it Savannah: & if you are what you love, what a good person you are shamelessly works in my favour too Jac: you're the most incredible person I've ever known Jac: it just sounds like a baseless compliment, there's no way to adequately put it, at least not without some serious time and work to try Savannah: not from you, there's no such thing Jac: I'm not the one that can write songs, sadly Savannah: but you could write a song I'd like more Jac: 😅 Savannah: I know he's your brother but no Jac: Don't worry, not a weird clause that to date me you have to think his music is amazing Jac: I'd actually hate that, to be honest Savannah: I'm beyond relieved Jac: I'm relieved no one here knows who he is, or who I am in relation Jac: that was getting annoying, towards the end Savannah: poor boo, I can't even imagine Jac: oh well Jac: this fresh start is going better than I could have even dreamed on my craziest day Savannah: me too & you're really keeping me sane Jac: God knows we've got to get through this experience and THRIVE Savannah: ^^ 👏🏾 Savannah: We will, failure to do so is literally not an option Jac: Exactly Jac: I refuse Jac: to let either of us Savannah: speaking of, these notes are done Savannah: so I'll be there soon Jac: I'll come out with the blasphemy too Jac: because I need to see you so bad now Savannah: It's mutual Jac: Hurry Jac: but don't forget your coat, it's cold Savannah: 🥰 I totally would have for the same reason I don't think either of us can be held responsible for what we're about to say, so thank you Jac: I can't let you freeze Jac: even though warming you up is beyond a welcome responsibility Savannah: & I can't lie, my coat is more fashionable than practical, I'll still need you Jac: You've got me Jac: shower, tea and all the bed cuddles you could want Savannah: you're going to make me cry again Jac: sweetie Jac: you can cry but wait 'til you're inside and with me so we don't have to thaw out the icicle teardrops Savannah: [a picture of her with that glitter tears filter than samantha loves so much because sadly I don't actually have one] Jac: Wow Jac: that's my girlfriend Savannah: I can't get over hearing that from you Jac: I can't get over saying it Jac: even just to myself Savannah: It sounds so different when a boy says it Jac: Yeah? Savannah: I don't even know how to explain it, it's like it stripped me of something instead of giving me something Savannah: it felt like, oh, I'm just your girlfriend now, okay Jac: like a kind of diminishment of who you are Jac: not the pride to be with you and know you and love you Jac: I see that Jac: I was never anyone's girlfriend, but that's the feeling I got from them Jac: a title for THEM not YOU Savannah: of course you understand, you always do Jac: not that I was bothered what they thought Jac: but it would have been upsetting if I was, definitely Savannah: I hate that Jac: it's okay, that's all over Savannah: I'm going to make you so happy Jac: I know you will

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hope-the-myope · 5 years ago

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Helium - Fusion

Part I of IV of a BTS Fanfiction��- February 2018

I wrote this two years ago - it’s the only fanficion I’ve completed yet, since I’m focusing more on original content. I have learned a lot since I wrote this, but I thought I would post it here anyway, since I don’t have any writing up yet!

Read Part I on Twitter or Wattpad or down below!

* * * * * * * *

It was his first time away from home.

Hoseok cradled his only bag in his lap, waiting for the moving truck to veer around the corner at any moment. He'd caught the train early that morning to his new flat, leaving his parents' empty home, while Mr. and Mrs. Jung were off relaxing on an ill-timed vacation to the Americas. Hoseok had to assure them he didn't mind moving in alone. Of course, it had been difficult for him to lie like that.

And now he sat on the damp bench, in the cold morning air, waiting for any sign of life in those eerie morning hours, any bird or horn or headlight to let him know he wasn't totally alone.

His prayers were answered within mere moments as a hazy silhouette rounded the corner. Through the screen of fog, Hoseok could only make out a few features, a leg here, an arm there, but he knew it was somebody. And that was just enough.

"Good morning!" he called down the street, hoping the figure was still headed his way.

Only silence echoed back to Hoseok's desperate ears. Perhaps his eyes were deceiving him. No one would be out this early in the morning. Not even the apartments' reception desk was open at such ridiculous hours.

But with a few more strides, a blonde boy split through the haze and nearly ran head-first into Hoseok, who pardoned himself immediately. "Oops, excuse me there! Didn't expect you to come so close!"

The stranger cocked his head to the side and, with one eyebrow lifted and his face scrunched in confusion, tugged one headphone out of his ear. "Hm?"

"I-I'm just sorry for being in the way. I didn't mean to -- Hey, you look just about my age!" The shorter, boxier boy standing before him paused, studied Hoseok, then nodded, agreeing on their commonality. "Do you go to the university on the east side, too?"

"Oh... no. I mean -- I used to, but tuition got to be too much. Cash doesn't come too easily, you know?"

Hoseok felt a bit of guilt bubble up as he thought about tuition. His parents were paying for all of his schooling, yet Hoseok had a newfound sense of independence just taking on the monthly rent for this new apartment. And here was a real drop-out, completely self-reliant, who didn't have his mommy and daddy watching over him, ready to refill his bank accounts when times got hard.

Independence was going to be a bit more toilsome than first expected.

"So do you live nearby then?" Hoseok asked, knowing it was just wishful thinking that he would meet his new neighbors so soon.

Yoongi pulled a face, like he'd caught of whiff of the sewers, and answered, "God, no. I can't afford this neighborhood. I'm at least a dozen blocks west of here."

"Oh." Hoseok twisted the strap of his bag with one hand and reluctantly stuck out the other to shake. "Well, I'm Jung Hoseok. Just moving in today."

"Min Yoongi," the other boy said, slipping out his second earpiece, dropping both down the front of his shirt, and returning a limp handshake before the bright headlights of a moving truck stretched around the street corner.

* * * * * * * *

"Thanks for helping me unpack, Yoongi."

"No problem."

Hoseok rubbed his hands together, gazing blissfully at the floral wallpaper that hugged every wall of his new home and sat queerly behind the checkered blankets and dark towels he'd brought from home. It appeared to clash only at first glance; the discord made the apartment cozier, he soon realized.

Hoseok finally took a seat on the dusty couch and asked, "Do you have anything to do later?"

Yoongi shrugged, eyes fixed on the cartoons blaring across the old box television.

Hoseok continued anyway, "Would you mind showing me around town, maybe? Of course, you don't have to. I just thought it would be nice." Yoongi tipped his head back and scrutinized the ceiling, lips sealed. "You really don't have to if you don't want--"

"The park is just a couple blocks away."

"Oh, really?" Hoseok gleamed. "Should we go now?"

"Sure." Yoongi grabbed his jacket from the coat hook and waited patiently at the door while Hoseok bustled around his home, frantically searching for his walking shoes.

"I'm sorry. I wore my good shoes on the train this morning and wasn't thinking about this," he tried to explain.

"Take your time," Yoongi waved on.

A quarter hour passed before Hoseok finally caught some sneakers in the kitchen closet. Yoongi brushed off the delay without a second thought, and they headed out. Hoseok closed the door behind him, but not before Yoongi reminded him to grab the set keys from inside. "Of course, of course. I'm not used to living alone yet, it seems."

Yoongi only smiled, amused.

* * * * * * * *

Side-by-side they sat on the park bench, watching children and mothers and pigeons pass by.

Once, then twice, they saw dogs waddling past, paws trotting and tongues lolling. Hoseok would squeal excitedly when they got within arm's reach. He pet both dogs while Yoongi sat beside him and quietly nodded at their owners, tucking his hands into his coat pockets.

Hoseok sat back down after the second one left. "Don't you like dogs, Yoongi?"

"Some of them."

"Why only some? Which ones don't you like?"

"I like my dog. And I like a few others. Only dogs I know."

"But that's such a limited amount of dogs!" Hoseok giggled.

Exasperation peeked from his voice when Yoongi spoke again. "But when you try to pet ones you don't know, you have to ask and speak up and all sorts of business I'm not interested in. I'd rather just pet my own dog."

Startled, Hoseok twisted his neck to inspect his friend, who was hunched over and staring strangely at the cement sidewalk. "Are you all right, Yoongi?" Petting dogs was a peculiar thing to turn sour over.

"Hm? Oh, yea. Got a little carried away, didn't I?" He sat back, arms folded behind his head, eyes shut lightly toward the sun.

After a long, cautious pause, Hoseok continued, "But nothing is wrong with the dogs, right?"

"No, no. In theory, I love dogs. But dogs rarely come without people. It's the people I don't like."

And that was a foreign concept to Hoseok. People couldn't be inherently bad. They were nice, just like dogs. He believed he would only ever meet a handful of truly mean people, and even so, he would never dislike them before they really proved their wickedness. Faith and trust in humanity was all Hoseok had ever learned, whereas Yoongi seemed to know different, to know better.

But that shred of doubt wasn't enough to deter Hoseok.

* * * * * * * *

The next morning, an early text buzzed at Hoseok's nightstand. He rolled over and, brushing the dark hair from his eyes, read the message:

"MYG: Hey, wanna check out the mall?"

"This early?" Hoseok grumbled to himself, glancing at the bright red digits of his alarm clock. Six in the morning seemed awfully premature to set up any plans. But he responded anyway and asked for a few hours grace period before they met up anywhere.

Sleep overtook him a second time, and when he woke up once and for all, the clock read "11:00 AM."

Hoseok hurled himself from the sheets and twisted out of his pajamas, slithering into something more appropriate, brushing his hair and teeth somewhere in the process.

He apologized to Yoongi over text, and they met at noon by the park before heading to the mall, since it was a good mid-point between their neighborhoods.

* * * * * * * *

Hoseok laughed and held up a lacey bra to his chest. "Think it'll fit?"

"Not sure. Try it on, maybe?"

"Good idea," Hoseok concurred, nodding seriously as he clipped the garment over his eyes like goggles.

Yoongi couldn't help but laugh and grin that gummy grin Hoseok had grown to know even in their short time together.

They spent most of their trip to the mall in strange stores that wouldn't tempt Hoseok to purchase anything. He explained at the first shop, "I don't have a job yet. If I'm going to be smart about living alone, I can't just buy anything."

And Yoongi agreed.

After a couple hours of wandering between department stores, Yoongi mentioned a nice showroom he'd like to visit just around the bend, and Hoseok obliged, as usual.

As they entered, a tall man behind the far desk greeted Yoongi like an old friend, waving and smiling and asking, "How have you been?"

Yoongi took Hoseok by the wrist and dragged him to one of the two pianos on display. They sat down, and to Hoseok's surprise, Yoongi pressed out a tune so familiar yet so foreign that Hoseok was too absorbed in the melody and a memory; he didn't even realize his friend had been playing that whole song.

When the last note rung out, Hoseok snapped out of his trance to ask, "So you play?"

"Sometimes. I'm a little rusty. I haven't had my own piano since I lived with my mother," Yoongi reminisced. "But I used to come down here during my college years."

"Why did you stop?"

"Oh, some old friends kept me busy."

"Well, that's a shame," Hoseok sighed. "You're still so good, though! And - I'm sorry if this is intrusive, but - you mentioned your mother? If you don't mind me asking, why did you leave her?"

"She didn't want me to go to college."

"She didn't want you to?"

Yoongi scoffed and gave him a side smile. "Thought it was a waste of money. And boy, was she right. Wasted just about every penny I had. But just because she was right about that doesn't mean I'll go back to that woman."

That woman.

Hoseok shuddered. His own mother had never been anything but kind and giving. His mother kept him fed and clean and supported his every ambition. She sent him to college and paid his tuition, then advised him to find a good neighborhood; she even helped pack his bags before he left. And now she was half a world away.

How he wished her vacation would end. But he knew how much his parents deserved it.

He couldn't imagine despising his parents, those two who had always cared for him and kept him safe.

Yoongi continued, "I guess mom's still doing okay. She lives with my older brother now, and they're both pretty well off. He's an electrician. No university needed. Wish I'd have done that."

He seemed to have a lot of regrets. But he still kept up with his family, and that was enough to reassure Hoseok.

"Well, you seem to be pretty well off, too, out here in the city."

Yoongi lifted his gaze from the black and white keys, staring now into Hoseok's black and white eyes. "Guess I am," and Yoongi smiled, one of those smiles that start from the inside out, that grow from pride instead of humor.

* * * * * * * *

To avoid food court prices, Hoseok and Yoongi found themselves at a deli restaurant down the street, just a block from the park at which they began the day. They sat at the empty table, scanning the big folding menus before them.

"This used to be my favorite place when I went to school on the east-end," Yoongi beamed, thumbing over each entrée description. "They really haven't changed much at all."

"Well, if it ain't broke, don't fix it," the waiter barged in, pen in hand, ready to take orders

Yoongi's neck whipped around as he acknowledged the waiter. His eyes darted back down to the table, a pallid expression overcoming his face.

"I'll have the pork sandwich, please," Hoseok ordered. "And just a water."

He folded up the menu and handed it to their server, then looked over to Yoongi, whose menu was trembling in his hands. A little bead of sweat dripped from his brow.

"What do you want, Yoongi?"

Yoongi didn't move. The waiter cleared his throat and clicked his pen once, becoming impatient as the customer retreated into his own shell.

"Yoongi?" Hoseok's friend folded the menu and handed it to the waiter, never glancing up from the napkin holder between the two customers

"So just the pork sandwich?" the waiter asked.

"Make it two," Hoseok said, then turned to his lunch buddy. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"I-I'm fine," Yoongi assured, unfolding his napkin to reveal a set of silverware. When he finally looked up at Hoseok, the latter caught a glimpse of his teary eyes. "I got a little nervous, I think. That doesn't happen normally, not in public."

Trying to comfort him back into normality, Hoseok smiled and agreed and overlooked the tears.

Instead, Hoseok went on and on about how he would have to find a job before he was too deep in the semester. He would start classes that Monday, and he made sure not to leave out any details on which classes he would be attending and exactly what times they began and end.

Yoongi seemed to enjoy the endless rambling. He didn't say much at all the rest of the lunch, but by the time the meal was over, he asked Hoseok to meet him tomorrow at his flat on the west side of town.

Hoseok found a lot at that restaurant: Yoongi's disquietude, good food, and an important application that would give him his first part-time job.

And he went home feeling a whole lot better than he ever would have if he hadn't met that strange boy wandering the streets at those ungodly hours of the morning.

Part II - Deflate, posted tomorrow

#writeblr #writing #bts #fanfiction #kpop #creative writing #my post #my writing #writers #writer #author

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years ago

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Sick Kids Group Chat

sonmychest: 🤗 tigerbalm: 👋🧡 tigerbalm: it's been so long! 🙀 how are you?? sonmychest: I know! I suck sonmychest: don't want to be the youtuber spending ten minutes apologizing for not being here though sonmychest: I'm doing pretty good right now, how are you? 😚 tigerbalm: it's a bad day, not a bad life...is what I would caption if I was an instagram influencer or something 😸😸 brainpain: 🦸 speaking for me when I haven't streamed in days LOL sonmychest: 🤭🤭 sonmychest: at least we have reasons for being that #extra that aren't the vague notion of NEEDING a break from taking pictures of our ☕ brainpain: I do spend LOTS of time in a dark room but not for 📸 no flash photography PLEASE 😵 inandout: your feed just updated, Lo brainpain: 👮🚓🚨 sonmychest: stalking or hacking? sonmychest: either way I might need those expertise brainpain: I had a 🌈✨🧁 FIGHT ME, Zachary tigerbalm: it is pretty tbh inandout: friend request, but it's not as if I don't have zero hacking or stalking skills sonmychest: wait, what happened to the anonymity rules??? sonmychest: where's @gotspoons and what have you done with her?! inandout: you missed the overthrowing of a tyrant inandout: not really, but the rule book is gone gotspoons: going to pretend I was summoned by mention, not notification gotspoons: say how you really feel, Zach! 😔 inandout: I said not really, rowboat gotspoons: I have 👀 and 👂 everywhere so you better be nice 😏🤭 gotspoons: but no, hi again, @sonmychest! we missed you! gotspoons: it seemed the whole no names no real life details thing was more of a hindrance than a help to the whole goal of this group, so we came to the conclusion by majority, and the higher ups were all okay with it, providing everyone under a certain age got their parents to sign off and we all used the same common sense we use on other areas of the web gotspoons: so feel free to introduce yourself by real name if you would like, but it's not necessary if you would not 😊 gotspoons: reintroduce, I should say tigerbalm: we shared selfies & everyone was 😻😻😻 brainpain: learned what a sex god @tooexhaustedtolivevicariously aka Rich is sonmychest: 😱😱😱 sonmychest: can't believe I've missed so much sonmychest: need to get better at socialization, my mammy is right 😂 brainpain: an unrivalled love story brainpain: not that he's here to back me up on that inandout: Paris and Helen who? Romeo and Juliet who? Anne Boleyn and Henry VIII who? tigerbalm: wait, those are all 💔😿!! brainpain: he's being a brainpain: insert a swear word of your choice sonmychest: *stage whispers* it's not jealousy though, is it? sonmychest: clearly, fill me in on all the nuances whilst I frantically try to find a picture of myself that's even one 😻 brainpain: he's a 👶 you already know brainpain: but Rich will be leaving me for some uni girl 🤓 so he's not wrong about the doomed part sonmychest: face that launched a thousand ships is a really great insta bio though sonmychest: right, so we have Rich, Zach...who else? gotspoons: Rosie here 🤗 brainpain: Lauren tigerbalm: & me, Robyn inandout: the new girl who started the revolution is Zelda inandout: @ihatemyguts sonmychest: no way sonmychest: a fellow nerd, or at least child-of-a-nerd sonmychest: 'cos I'm Kara and I don't totally hate this photo [selfie] tigerbalm: 😻😻 tigerbalm: you look so like I imagined you, except I thought maybe you'd be 👼 tigerbalm: should we all send new pics? brainpain: [does because any excuse] brainpain: they'll be buried tigerbalm: [a selfie that's even shyer than the first one she sent] gotspoons: [the same photo as before] inandout: if I must [some ridiculous selfie] tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: This is a nice welcome back tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and I've only been to physio brainpain: NOT ready for another selfie drop from you, boy brainpain: I'll be on my fainting couch brainpain: also hi tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Perhaps I should save your 🦴s and my pride when poor Kara, hello again btw, has to pretend to swoon too brainpain: 🦸 has great taste brainpain: we all love a shy boy tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: My teachers undoubtedly wish I were shy, make their lives a lot easier tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: [a photo] here we are anyway, I hope you found a soft surface suitable for you, Lauren brainpain: ☁ tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Ah, so you're the 👼 brainpain: LMAO 😈 brainpain: but you're looking angelic sir sonmychest: how are you ALL so cute sonmychest: this keeps happening, omg tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 👼 face hides a multitude of 😈 sins apparently inandout: but reading between the lines, who else is making you swoon/stalk/hack inandout: that's my question tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Well spotted, Zachary 🔎 sonmychest: 🙈 ugh, I'm so embarrassing sonmychest: but we can pretend it's all spilling out now because I played it SO cool in the actual conversation, right 😬😅 inandout: that's the official story, everyone'll confirm sonmychest: thanks, I need the backup so I can also pretend I have lots of friends and a normal social life gotspoons: we are your friends, Kara! gotspoons: though are normal is different from most tigerbalm: & you're coming to my birthday party & even though you have to stand on the other side of the room to Zach, it's still social tigerbalm: OH & we were talking about potentially meeting up!! All of us brainpain: keep it 6ft, children inandout: I'll be in the garden with my date, you can have the indoors with yours inandout: collectively, because we're all speed dating here now inandout: proud of you for picking someone outside this circle sonmychest: GAH so much exciting information today!!! sonmychest: 😁 sonmychest: obviously, I figured no one needed the drama of me falling for you, Zach sonmychest: 💀 not cute inandout: there's already a book and film about it, the chance has been thoroughly missed brainpain: Ignore him, Zelda's nothing but thrilled to find someone else in her age bracket brainpain: 👶👶 brainpain: hit us with your 💞 please sonmychest: well, I didn't just re-log into this chat today, I went on all my old forums because well, boredom, we can all relate, right? sonmychest: what I thought would be the least promising one was the sonmychest: not a dating site, I'm not 100 but you know the kind sonmychest: anyway, the CUTEST boy starts talking to me and he's also really funny and nice ??? tigerbalm: OMG! Did you swap selfies there too? sonmychest: not yet sonmychest: because he sounds so 😻😻 sonmychest: and he wants to talk to me again and he might not if we do tigerbalm: you're 😻😻😻 Kara brainpain: what she said brainpain: + if he's as funny, nice, all of that, as you said brainpain: I doubt he's a shallow jerk inandout: are you a good judge of character or not? inandout: what it comes down to sonmychest: oh, thank you guys! sonmychest: I don't know sonmychest: I think I am sonmychest: he didn't immediately come out with weird requests or weird 📸 of his own and that's a massive start on that site, I was honestly there to 🗑 my account but he changed my mind brainpain: I'll PM you the spooky stories my sister sends me about guys, it'll make you feel better brainpain: you'd know if he was one sonmychest: 🤭 do, can compare notes sonmychest: we honestly just talked about totally normal, nerdy things, it wasn't even a little sketch brainpain: ✉️ + 100000000s brainpain: hold up tigerbalm: that sounds 🧡 & so does this boy tigerbalm: awwhhh sonmychest: [sends the description he sent her slow your roll gal lol] sonmychest: assuming he isn't the archetypal internet weirdo from the 90s scare tactics tigerbalm: WOW inandout: tall, dark and handsome inandout: original sonmychest: okay, I know that covers a lot of bases sonmychest: but someone has to be brainpain: continuing to ignore you, Zach sonmychest: I get it though sonmychest: it's not like I even care what he looks like though, so even if the pics aren't exactly that description brainpain: not every man can be my Rich but doesn't make them 👹/🤡/👻/👽/👥 brainpain: trust your gut, it's not that body part that's failing you tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 👹 is a solid representation but the hair needs to be longer tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: at the risk of making myself or Zachary appear like overly protective boys, I think as long as you're as sensible as you surely are with this, then there's no harm in the back and forth tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: so if you were going to meet this person IRL, he could perhaps come to the group meet-up, that would be a good way to do it? brainpain: *🧝🏻 that's what needs to be said about your representation tigerbalm: Great idea, Rich! 😺 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: when the beard comes in I'll look more Gimli than Elrond but I'll take the compliment 👽 babe from outerspace brainpain: who's watching the LoTRs with me? gotspoons: count me out, I'm the worst film buddy ever 😴 ihatemyguts: how many naps could you have in 20hr28mins assuming we're watching everything extended release 'cos duh ihatemyguts: 🥳 go hard or go home 🥳 brainpain: that's you in ihatemyguts: of course ihatemyguts: long since stopped asking for a pause every time I gotta 💩 ihatemyguts: adept at catching up with the plot is a life skill I didn't expect to gain like this but 🙌 gotspoons: 😅 I could do the whole 20hr28mins and that not be a record for how many hours I've slept consecutively brainpain: I'll act it out for you, I can get the 🧝🏼🏹 costume together during the pauses brainpain: dressing up box runneth over sonmychest: 🙋 dibs Arwen sonmychest: my old Katniss cosplay can be repurposed with some bedsheets and a 👸 vibe to it brainpain: that makes Rich your daddy 👀 you, babe sonmychest: 😖😳 nooooooooooo brainpain: I'll be Galadriel if only so I can speak to my man telepathically 💕 brainpain: swerving off book for that love connection ihatemyguts: obviously eye of sauron ihatemyguts: jokes write themselves inandout: hair of a hobbit wig so likewise inandout: and you know, a jew, gonna be the one to handle the 💎 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: How hairy are your feet, a pickup line that doesn't get thrown about enough inandout: not sending you free feet pics inandout: PM for prices though tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Respect the hustle, Zachary tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: but I have clearly pledged myself and my allegiance to an e-girl already 🧝🏼🏹 brainpain: changed my Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim name to Galadriel for you, Richard, you've officially made me basic brainpain: will cite it in the divorce tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: as long as I can proudly produce said divorce to every mouthbreather that calls me a freak, I am okay with that tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: devastated, naturally 💔 but okay brainpain: hit me up for multiple re-marriages at your convenience, I like that for us tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Make a solid livestream 👰💒🤵 gotspoons: I'll get officiated! tigerbalm: imagine if any of us actually did get together cos of this forum gotspoons: You never know, Robyn gotspoons: it would be so adorable 😊 tigerbalm: Kara is giving me hope that online dating doesn't have to be a minefield sonmychest: don't give up yet! sonmychest: you're so lovely, a total catch tigerbalm: there still isn't a blushing 😸 emoji & I NEED it ihatemyguts: a travesty ihatemyguts: who do we need to @ for that brainpain: @fibrofog brainpain: he was a BIG DEAL ihatemyguts: 😏 hoping he comes back and I can 👰💒🤵 him obvs brainpain: 🔺 between me/him/Rich was prime in my life ihatemyguts: glory dayz brainpain: if he doesn't show up to stop our first wedding ihatemyguts: Zach won't even properly date me until we're confirmed #foreveralone at 18 inandout: you don't call this properly dating? inandout: @Kara you've got yourself a hater before your romance has fully taken off ihatemyguts: oi, don't drag me in to your 🧂 behaviour ihatemyguts: I'm very nice, I swear inandout: that's just how I taste inandout: she knows brainpain: if I didn't know my CF facts I'd be calling for a ban brainpain: that sounds filthy sonmychest: first declaring Rich my daddy, now 👅 Zach 😲😲😲 sonmychest: I'm also quite nice but not that kind of nice, I 🤞 tigerbalm: I don't think I wanna know.... inandout: But I'll tell you inandout: when we sweat, we lose too much salt, one of our many flaws inandout: on a hot day, you could lick us and taste it, if we like you enough to let you sonmychest: maybe that can be enough of a selling point? sonmychest: if crush boy talks to me again and it invariably comes up inandout: he might get to see it crystallise on your skin, not 💎 or ✨ but hey sonmychest: such a sexy condition, when you leave out all the mucus inandout: ZZ top is feeling it, she wants to properly date me ihatemyguts: 🧂 is a flavour I can enjoy pretty unrestricted ihatemyguts: let me have some pleasure tigerbalm: do the normies flirt like this too? tigerbalm: Kara you'll have to tell us, when you go further undercover ihatemyguts: don't know how lucky you are to have that pickup line in your back pocket ihatemyguts: just add tequila and a lemon and you've got a good time sonmychest: I'll 100% report back, providing he doesn't go 👻 brainpain: you need a drink when a boy lovingly strokes your hair only to feel the dent in your 💀 sonmychest: but also, to work out if your amazing hair is real or nah brainpain: I have too many split ends to be asked if it's a wig sonmychest: I ✂ my own sonmychest: and not often enough 😅 brainpain: don't reach for the bleach cos Robbie sees you as a blonde, there's my sisterly/old lady advice sonmychest: oh God, with these brows? sonmychest: I can swear I won't do that, along with meet up with internet randos alone brainpain: I'd volunteer to come along but I don't do disappearing into the background brainpain: would wear a trenchcoat for the right 💸💸 gotspoons: Normies definitely TRY to use our disabilities as a way to flirt with us, with varying success gotspoons: the amount of time I spend in bed is nothing to be 😏 about, honestly gotspoons: even if I was also chiming in to confirm blondes do have more fun, when they've had all their vitamins, a perfect amount of sleep, the stars have aligned JUST right... 🤭 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: as resident ♿ user, they most ask if IT 'works', which is a bizarre level of care for people who aren't concerned about how me getting into their establishment really 'works' tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and, my dear, you are a terrible third wheel tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 🔻 suits you better than obscurity 😎 brainpain: but I am a fun time with the TBI having increased the impulsiveness + removing the few inhibitions I did have 😉 brainpain: inappropriate sexual activity is a listed symptom 🤞 boys ihatemyguts: definitely a case of 'okay when I point it out to embolden myself, creepy if you do it' ihatemyguts: think some normies point out their flaws to be endearing but idk, is low-key a disability superpower guys, + 1 for us brainpain: like, what does that mean? Inappropriate for who? Answers on a ✉️ please ihatemyguts: could range from, science, you're being a prude to calling you a master criminal on the low brainpain: so many of my symptoms could describe anyone in their teens or early 20s brainpain: Rich, write a smart boy uni essay on it tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: depending on the bit that gets damaged, could be the same part that isn't yet fully developed in young people tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: checks out 🧠 brainpain: you're SO clever brainpain: you'll be fighting off more than one 🤓 girl tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I'm not sure about that, on either count tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: though the chair is a useful battering ram when it needs to be brainpain: I'm into it tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: then you can hitch a ride, of course brainpain: reserved™ tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: the parking is unparalleled brainpain: not allowed to drive, you are my transport now, no pressure gotspoons: Me either, who can? gotspoons: need to work out the carpool situation brainpain: my housemate will, she owes me 10000s of favours inandout: + my parents tigerbalm: mine too but they're a lot to inflict upon anyone sonmychest: ^^hard same tigerbalm: maybe we get ourselves there unless someone can't? tigerbalm: & those people speak up sonmychest: That makes sense to me brainpain: ok, is there anyone who needs a lift? ihatemyguts: I'm good tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: likewise gotspoons: I'll make a permanent post where people can register interest in the meet-up, as well as need for a lift gotspoons: so anyone who can offer a lift, can respond there too, sound good guys? 😊 inandout: cool inandout: very un-tyrant like gotspoons: thank you, Zach 😏

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