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demigod-of-the-agni · 8 months ago

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Spider-Man India, but... where from India?

A SUPER long post featuring talks of: cultural identity, characterisation, the caste system, and what makes Spider-Man Spider-Man.

I’m prefacing this by saying that I am a second-generation immigrant. I was born in Australia, but my cultural background is from South India. My experiences with what it means to be “Indian” is going to be very different from the experiences of those who are born and brought up in India.

If you, reader, want to add anything, please reblog and add your thoughts. This is meant to be a post open for discussion — the more interaction we get, the better we become aware of these nuances.

So I made this poll asking folks to pick a region of India where I would draw Pavitr Prabhakar in their cultural wear. This idea had been on my mind for a long while now, as I had been inspired by Annie Hazarika’s Northeastern Spidey artwork in the wake of ATSV’s release, but never got the time to actually do it until now. I wanted to get a little interactive and made the poll so I could have people choose which of the different regions — North, Northeast, Central, East, West, South — to do first.

The outcome was not what I expected. As you can see, out of 83 votes:

THE RESULTS

South India takes up almost half of all votes (44.6%), followed by Northeast and Central (both 14.5%) and then East (13.3%). In all my life growing up, support towards or even just the awareness of South India was pretty low. Despite this being a very contained poll, why would nearly half of all voters pick South India in favour of other popular choices like Central or North India?

Then I thought about the layout of the poll: Title, Options, Context.

Title: "Tell us who you want to see…"

Options: North, Northeast, Central, East, West, South

Context: I want to make art of the boy again

At first I thought: ah geez. this is my fault. I didn't make the poll clear enough. do they think I want them to figure out where Pavitr came from? That's not what I wanted, maybe I should have added the context before the options.

Then I thought: ah geez. is it my fault for people not reading the entire damn thing before clicking a button? That's pretty stupid.

But regardless, the thought did prompt a line of thinking I know many of us desi folk have been considering since Spider-Man India was first conceived — or, at least, since the announcement that he was going to appear in ATSV. Hell, even I thought of it:

Where did Spider-Man India come from?

FROM A CULTURALLY DIVERSE INDIA

As we know, India is so culturally diverse, and no doubt ATSV creators had to take that into account. Because the ORIGINAL Spider-Man India came from Mumbai — most likely because Mumbai and Manhattan both started with the same letter.

But going beyond that, it’s also because Mumbai is one of the most recognisable cities in India - it’s also known as Bombay. It’s where Bollywood films are shot. It’s where superstar Hindi actors and actresses show up. Mumbai is synonymous with India in that regard, because the easiest way Western countries can interact with Indian culture is through BOLLYWOOD, through HINDI FILMS, through MUMBAI. Suddenly, India is Mumbai, India is a Hindi-only country, India is just this isolated thing we see through an infinitely narrow lens.

We’ve gotten a little better in recent years, but boy I will tell you how uncomfortable I’ve gotten when people (yes, even desi people) come up to me and tell me, Oh, you’re Indian right? Can you speak Hindi? Why don’t you speak Hindi? You’re not Indian if you don’t speak Hindi, that’s India’s national language!

I have been — still am — so afraid of telling people that I don’t speak Hindi, that I’m Tamil, that I don’t care that Hindi is India’s “national” language (it’s an administrative language, Kavin, get your fucking facts right). It’s weird, it’s isolating, and it has made me feel like I wasn’t “Indian” enough to be accepted into the group of “Indian” people.

So I am thankful that ATSV went out of their way to integrate as much variety of Indian culture into the Mumbattan sequence. Maybe that way, the younger generation of desi folk won’t feel so isolated, and that younger Western people will be more open to learning about all these cultural differences within such a vast country.

BUT WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH SPIDER-MAN INDIA?

Everything, actually. There’s a thing called supremacy. You might have heard of it. We all engaged with it at some point, and if you are Indian, no matter where you live, it is inescapable.

It happens the moment you are born — who your family is, where you are born, the language you speak, the colour of your skin; these will be bound to you for life, and it is nigh impossible to break down the stereotypes associated with them.

Certain ethnic groups will be more favourable than others (Centrals, and thus their cultures, will always be favoured over than Souths, as an example) and the same can be said for social groups (Brahmins are more likely to secure influential roles in politics or other areas like priesthood, while the lowers castes, especially Dalits, aren’t even given the decency of respect). Don’t even get me started on colourism, where obviously those of fairer skin will win the lottery while those of darker skin aren’t given the time of day. It’s even worse when morality ties into it — “lighter skinned Indians, like Brahmins, embody good qualities like justice and wisdom”, “dark skinned Indians are cunning and poor, they are untrustworthy”. It’s fucking nuts.

This means, of course, you have a billion people trying to make themselves heard in a system that tries to crush everyone who is not privileged. It only makes sense that people want to elevate themselves and break free from a society that refuses to acknowledge them. These frustrations manifest outwardly, like in protests, but other times — most times — it goes unheard, quietly shaping your way of life, your way of thinking. It becomes a fundamental part of you, and it can go unacknowledged for generations.

So when you have a character like Pavitr Prabhakar enter the scene, people immediately latch onto him and start asking questions many Western audiences don’t even consider. Who is he? What food does he eat? What does he do on Fridays? What’s his family like, his community? All these questions pop up, because, amidst all this turmoil going on in the background, you want a mainstream popular character to be like you, who knows your way of life so intimately, that he may as well be a part of your community.

BUT THAT'S THE THING — HE'S FICTIONAL

I am guilty of this. In fact, I’ve flaunted in numerous posts how I think he’s the perfect Tamil boy, how he dances bharatanatyam, how he does all these Tamil things that no one will understand except myself. All these niche things that only I, and maybe a few others, will understand.

I’ve seen other people do it, too. I’ve seen people geek out over his dark brown skin, his kalari dhoti, how he fights so effortlessly in the kalaripayattu martial arts style. I’ve seen people write him as Malayali, as Hindi, as every kind of Indian person imaginable.

I’ve also seen him be written where he’s subjected to typical Indian and broader Asian stereotypes. You know the ones I’m so fond of calling out. The thing is, I’ve seen so much of Pavitr being presented in so many different ways, and I worry how the rest of the desi folk will take it.

You finally have a character who could be you, but now he’s someone else’s plaything. Your entire life is shaped by what you can and can’t do simply because you were born to an Indian family, and here’s the one person who could represent you now at the mercy of someone else’s whims. He’s off living a life that is so distant from yours, you can hardly recognise him.

It shouldn’t hurt as much as it does, yeah? But, again, you’re looking at it from that infinitely narrow lens Westerners use to look at India from Bollywood.

AND PAVITR PRABHAKAR DOESN'T LIVE IN INDIA

He lives in Mumbattan. He lives in a made-up, fictional world that doesn’t follow the way of life of our world. He lives in a city where Mumbai and Manhattan got fucking squashed together. There are so many memes about colonialism right there. Mumbattan isn’t real! Spider-Man India isn’t real!! He’s just a dude!! The logic of our world doesn’t apply to him!!!

“But his surname originates from ______” okay but does that matter?

“But he’s wearing a kalari dhoti so surely he’s ______” okay but does that matter?

“But his skin colour is darker so he must be ______” okay but does that matter?

“But he lives in Mumbai so he must be ______” okay but does that matter?

I sound insensitive and brash and annoying and it looks like I’m yapping just for the sake of riling you up, so direct that little burst of anger you got there at me, and keep reading.

Listen. I’m going to ask you a question that I’ve asked myself a million times over. I want you to answer honestly. I want you to ask this question to yourself and answer honestly:

Are you trying to convince me on who Pavitr Prabhakar should be?

... but why shouldn't i?

I’ll tell you this again — I did the same thing. You’re not at fault for this, but I want you to just...have a little think over. Just a little moment of self-reflection, to think about why you are so intent on boxing this guy.

It took me a while to reorganise my thinking and how to best approach a character like Pavitr, so I will give you all the time you need as well as a little springboard to focus your thoughts on.

SPIDER-MAN (INDIA) IS JUST A MASK

“What I like about the costume is that anybody reading Spider-Man in any part of the world can imagine that they themselves are under the costume. And that’s a good thing.”

Stan Lee said that. Remember how he was so intent on making sure that everybody got the idea that Spider-Man as an entity is fundamentally broken without Peter Parker there to put on the suit and save the day? That ultimately it was the person beneath the mask, no matter who they were, that mattered most?

Spider-Man India is no less different. You can argue with me that Peter Parker!Spidey is supposed to represent working class struggles in the face of leering corporate entities who endanger the regular folk like us, and so Pavitr Prabhakar should also function the same way. Pavitr should also be a working class guy of this specific social standing fighting people of this other social standing.

But that takes away the authenticity of Spider-Man India. Looking at him through the Peter Parker lens forces you to look at him through the Western lens, and it significantly lessens what you can do with the character — suddenly, it’s a fight to be heard, to be seen, to be recognised. It’s yelling over each other that Pavitr Prabhakar is this ethnicity, is that caste, this or that, this or that, this or that.

There’s a reason why he’s called Spider-Man India, infuriatingly vague as it is. And that’s the point — the vagueness of his identity fulfils Lee’s purpose for a character that could theoretically be embodied by anyone. If he had been called “Spider-Man Mumbai”, you cut out a majority of the population (and in capitalist terms, you cut out a good chunk of the market).

And in the case of Spider-Man India? Whew — you’ve got about a billion people imagining a billion different versions of him.

Whoever you are, whatever you see in Pavitr, that is what is personal to you, and there is nothing wrong with that, and I will not fault you for it. I will not fault you for saying Pavitr is from Central due to the origins of his last name. I also will not fault you for saying Pavitr is from South due to him practising kalaripayattu. I also will not fault you for saying he is not Hindu. I also will not fault you for saying he is a particular ethnicity without any proof.

What I will fault you for is trying to convince me and the others around you that Pavitr Prabhakar should be this particular ethnicity/have this cultural background because of some specific reason. I literally don’t care and it is fundamentally going against his character, going against the “anyone can wear the mask” sentiment of Spider-Man. By doing this, you are strengthening the walls that first divided us. You’re feeding the stratification and segmentation of our cultures — something that is actually not present in the fictional world of Mumbattan.

Like I said before: Mumbattan isn’t real, so the divides between ethnicities and cultural backgrounds are practically nonexistent. The best thing is that it is visually there for all to see. My favourite piece of evidence is this:

It’s a marquee for a cinema in the Mumbattan sequence, in the “Quick tour: this is where the traffic is” section. It has four titles; the first two are written in Hindi. The third title is written in Bengali*, and the fourth title is written in Tamil. You go to Mumbai and you won’t see a single shred of Bengali nor Tamil there, much less any other language that's not common in Maharashtra (Western India). Seeing this for the first time, you know what went through my head?

Wow, the numerous cultures of India are so intermingled here in Mumbattan! Everyone and everything is welcome!

I was happy, not just because of Tamil representation, but because of the fact that the plethora of Indian cultures are showcased coexisting in such a short sequence. This is India embracing all the little parts that make up its grander identity. This scene literally opened my eyes seeing such beauty in all the diverse cultures thriving together. In a place where language and cultural backgrounds blend so easily, each one complementing one another.

It is so easy to believe that, from this colourful palette of a setting, Pavitr Prabhakar truly is Spider-Man India, no matter where he comes from.

It’s easy to believe that Pavitr can come from any part of India, and I won’t call you out if the origin you have for him is different from the origin I have. You don’t need to stake out territory and stand your ground — you’re entitled to that opinion, and I respect it. In fact, I encourage it!!!

Because there’s only so much you can show in a ten minute segment of a film about a country that has such a vast history and even greater number of cultures. I want to see all of it — I want him to be a Malayali boy, a Hindi boy, a Bengali boy, a Telugu boy, an Urdu boy, whatever!! I want you to write him or draw him immersed in your culture, so that I can see the beauty of your background, the wonderful little things that make your culture unique and different from mine!

And, as many friends have said, it’s so common for Indian folks to be migrating around within our own country. A person with a Maharashtrian surname might end up living in Punjab, and no one really minds that. I’m actually from Karnataka, my family speaks Kannada, but somewhere down the line my ancestors moved to Tamil Nadu and settled down and lived very fulfilling lives. So I don’t actually have the “pure Tamil” upbringing, contrary to popular belief; I’ve gotten a mix of both Kannada and Tamil lifestyles, and it’s made my life that much richer.

So it’s common for people to “not” look like their surname, if that’s what you’re really afraid about. In fact, it just adds to that layer of nuance, that even despite these rigid identities between ethnicities we as Indian people still intermingle with one another, bringing slivers of our cultures to share with others. Pavitr could just as well have been born in one state and moved around the country, and he happens to live in Mumbattan now. It’s entirely possible and there’s nothing to disprove that.

We don’t need to clamber over one another declaring that only one ethnicity is the “right” ethnicity, because, again, you will be looking at Pavitr and the rest of India in that narrow Western lens — a country with such rich cultural variety reduced to a homogenous restrictive way of life.

THE POLL: REINTERPRETED

This whole thing started because I was wondering why my little poll was so skewed — I thought people assumed I was asking them where he came from, then paired his physical appearance with the most logical options available. I thought it was my fault, that I had somehow influenced this outcome without knowing.

Truth is, I will never really know. But I will be thankful for it, because it gave me the opportunity to finally broach this topic, something that many of us desi folk are hesitant to talk about. I hope you have learned something from this, whether you are desi or a casual Spider-Man fan or someone who just so happened to stumble upon this.

So just…be a little more open. Recognise that India, like many many countries and nations, is made up of a plethora of smaller cultures. And remember, if you’re trying to convince Pavitr that he’s a particular ethnicity, he’s going to wave his hand at you and say, “Ha, me? No, I’m one of the people that live here in the best Indian city! I’m Spider-Man India, dost!”

(Regardless, he still considers you a friend, because to him, the people matter more to him than you trying to box him into something he’s not.)

*Note: thank you dear anon for letting me know that the third title was Bengali, twas my mistake for literally completely forgetting

#long post + more tags that kinda spiral away BUT expand on the points above AND kinda puts everything together concisely #BROS THIS IS AN HONEST TO GOD ESSAY #THAT HAS BEEN COOKING IN MY HEART FOR A WHILE NOW. SIMMERING FOR MONTHS BEFORE FINALLY BOILING OVER IN THE LAST WEEK #genuinely hope you read MOST of it because yes it has Quite A Lot Of Exposition but it all matters nonetheless #put in a lot of thought into this so i expect you to do your part and challenge your thoughts as well #you see how i'm not asking for you to listen to me. but to actually Think. i want you to cook your thoughts and add some spice and flavour #and give it a good mix so you can come out of this a little more wiser than before #because!!! yeah!!!! spider man india is just that!! he's indian!!!!! we don't need to collectively agree on where he comes from #bc it gets rid of that relatability factor of spider man. at the most basic level #think of it as a schrodinger's. he is every single culture and none of them at the same time. therefore none of us are wrong!! sick!!!!#pavitr's first priority is making sure HIS PEOPLE are safe. that's probably as far as we can go that relates him back to peter parker spide #he loves his people and working in the name of justice to FIGHT for HIS PEOPLE is just the duty/responsibility he takes up #it makes sense that he loves everyone and every culture he engages with bc that's the nature of spider man i suppose #if peter parker spidey acts as the guardian for the regular folk.. then in my mind pavitr spidey stands as the bridge uniting the people #because society as its core is very fragmented. and having pavitr act as a connection to other folks.... mmmmm beautiful #that's what i'm talking abouttttt !!!#anyways guys this is literally 3001 words on my document EXCLUDING THE TITLE. THAT'S 7 PAGES AT 11pt FONT. i'm literally cryingggg wtf #pavitr prabhakar #spider man #spider man india #desi #desiblr #atsv #across the spiderverse #atsv pavitr #indian culture #india #desi tumblr #what the fuck do i tag this as #agnirambles

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sophistired18 · 2 months ago

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No one talk to me. I fell in love.

#kuroyaku #kryk #kryk fics #haikyuu #Im disappointed it took me this long to find this gem and give it a try #I was not disappointed however in any moment in reading this #i don't know how but this fic managed to break my heart and then make it whole again only to fill it up so much it breaks all over again #this is art #I've never read such perfect characterization of every single character in a fic that I was unable to put in words myself. bc somehow it fit #it fit so well. unbelievably well that I might just always see these characters in this way forever #it surprised me how much I enjoyed a fic with barely any yaku in it yet be entirely all about yaku at the same time #and oh god. Oh my GOD. KUROO. this kuroo. chef's kiss. i cant fully put into words how much I've fallen in love with his characterization #as well as his character exploration. just so much depth there. this fic made him so human? and it was so tasteful and well crafted I cried #i started for kryk endgame and finished with that but also had the beautiful taste of everything else I appreciated with other Kuroo ships #but like also why in the same perspective of Kuroo in this fic why they didn't work. it was such a mind opening realization #im rambling in the tags now but god I just fell in love with this writing. i fell in love with kryk all over again #sorry this is just an overwhelming outpour of the complex emotional heartwrenching rollercoaster this fic took me on #and i blindly stepped on the ride with no clue where it was taking me. But omg when it started i was sat.#so anyways read this. its a masterpiece.

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bloodbathfortwo · 7 months ago

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Nigel kisses the freckles on Alex's face. That's it, that's the whole post.

#murderous intent #like minds 2006 #alex forbes #nigel colbie #like minds #This was so random #DAMN YOU ALEX AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL FRECKLES #Have you ever wondered if Nigel ever compared his freckles to constellations?#Also while connecting it across his face #with a smug smile on his face while Alex is just bewildered at what Nigel is doing.#And Alex will probably call him an idiot for ever saying that his freckles looks like constellations #but that shit made his heart flutter.#he's a soppy #married to the man of his dreams (his roommate turned lover)#that's it #GUDNYT

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sejarcus-archive · 18 days ago

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Headcanon Marcus has to wear glasses sometimes, and whenever he does, Sejanus can’t stop staring at him with hearts in his eyes

#sejanus the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen just got even more beautiful #they’ll each be minding their own business then sejanus will realize he’s put on glasses #and will drop everything he’s doing to cuddle up to him and tell him how handsome he is #to go off of my other post: leather jacket and glasses and it’s SOOOO over for sejanus #you’ve heard of “weaponized incompetence” get ready for “weaponized hotness”#when they fight and sejanus doesn’t wanna talk to marcus he puts on glasses #this is so stupid lol #also marcus is definitely more of the “i don’t wanna talk to you rn” type compared to sejanus who’s always spilling his heart out #but i wanted to make the “weaponized hotness” joke #it’s just such a funny scenario marcus putting on his glasses for literally no practical reason #and sejanus immediately being like “okay fine what do you wanna say? 🙄”#marcus tbosas #sejanus plinth #sejarcus

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star-spangled-man · 6 months ago

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hey god or whoever is in charge of this shit, please let me age as beautifully as paget brewster and let me be confident in my own skin and to always exude pure sunshine and happiness like her. okay cool thanks sorry for taking up your time <3

#hi I’m not really here rn but I had to say this!!#I actually look up to her so much. like hello ladies aging is normal and you are BEAUTIFUL!!!!#in a world of people being scared to age dw guys I have it sorted we will be hot and beautiful and still have a youthful heart <3 #she’s the sweetest ray of sunshine and it makes me so happy to see a women ROCKIN the grey hair bc a big fuck u to society that’s why #her smile could light up the darkest of rooms #and seeing her interact with fans on twitter is so sweet #a hug from her would solve 99% of my problems I think #paget brewster #emily prentiss #criminal minds #paige talks #my biggest hits!

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iniziare · 2 months ago

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Tag drop: Aventurine.

#aventurine. [ mr. cavalier gambler: uptight. overcautious. inferiority complex. you've won so much but you're still so afraid of losing. ]#aventurine: ic. [ they see only the straight flush. they don't know the other hand below the table clutching your chips for dear life. ]#aventurine: inquiries. [ time to make a move my friend. say goodbye before you shuffle off. it's… best to die without regrets. ]#aventurine: countenance. [ now go. and pick the clothes that you like. then choose your desired identity and use them well. ]#aventurine: introspection. [ “sleep is the rehearsal of death”? why does life slumber? because we are not ready for the final rest. ]#aventurine: meta. [ the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason. but you've never gone in any other direction. ]#aventurine: little notes. [ you will keep winning; having never lost before. but why you? why... must it be you? ]#aventurine: wishes. [ even if the chance of winning is close to zero. well... you can't win if you don't play; right? ]#aventurine: etc. [ the chance… no matter how small: the potential is what you hang onto. that is what justifies the gamble. ]#aventurine: ipc. [ … i'll give you that and much more than that. the ipc will give you whatever you want. even what you don't want. ]#aventurine: trio. [ three cornerstones who for a measly penacony... offered their everything. you're more united than the family. ]#aventurine: astral express. [ friends: the game has commenced and you cannot choose to decline… nor do you have grounds to. ]#aventurine: fate. [ if the dice of fate are always weighted then that is our destiny. why then... do we struggle against it? ]#aventurine: past. [ our paths will cross again beneath kakava's shimmering auroras. farewell: kakavasha. ]#aventurine: luck. [ he's only drunk on the moment that makes his very life quiver. hell is only one decision away from heaven. ]#aventurine: topaz. [ i never expected the beautiful and kind-hearted director topaz to resort to distorting concepts like that. ]#aventurine: topaz. [ but since i survived i realized: wherever you go that's where i'll follow; nobody's promised tomorrow. ] immobiliter.#aventurine: jade. [ it's often used as a counterfeit for jade. but it looks like jade… can be substituted for aventurine too. ]#aventurine: veritas ratio. [ unfortunately for him; i make for a more competent conversationalist than the other dimwits around here. ]#aventurine: black swan. [ nothing remains hidden from you… does it? i will find my place in the web of your schemes; memokeeper. ]#aventurine: sunday. [ is this what the harmony represents? is it built upon constraint and coercion? ]#aventurine: acheron. [ only by casting aside reason does one truly gamble. “emanator” — I know you'll match my wager. ]#aventurine: v. youth. [ but the sun could not kill me and the quicksand sent me back to the embrace of the guild and the ipc. ]#aventurine: v. penacony. [ i seem that way because i am nervous. maybe you can help. what do you say; put our palms together a last time? ]#aventurine: v. future. [ the once falling die has at last landed on its earthly rest. quietly… peacefully: it at last landed. ]#tag drop #[ ... i wanted to add in a tag for robin. but i think that may have to come personalized. ]#[ /rubs hands together. lets see if any of these are broken. ]#aventurine: robin. [ so she sings; but does she dance? ] avaere.#[ okay i changed my mind-- there's a robin tag. ]

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hanaasbananas · 3 months ago

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on arranged marriages

it's funny. mums been in the whatsapp rishta groups for years looking for someone i might marry. she'll send me a profile once in a while and ask what i think, if she should contact his parents or not and most of the time i say yeah, alright. nothing ever comes of it though, so when my dad calls me after work and says mum spoke to him about a rishta she's thinking of moving forward with i'm intrigued, but not particularly invested.

mum's really picky, i tell him. this probably won't go anywhere but we may as well see it through, right? dad is hesitant, but agrees when i say that i do want an arranged marriage.

but then things do move forward and the next thing i know, he is going to visit us with his parents. on the day, my uncle picks me up from work so i don't have to walk. you don't have to make a decision today, he tells me. this is just a first visit. my cousin helps me get ready and i am reminded of the similar scene in the movie vivah. nothing has to happen today, she tells me you guys are just meeting today. the thought does nothing to settle the nerves roiling in my stomach and i try to go back to my room three times instead of going downstairs until my cousin practically shoves me down them.

i enjoy meeting his mum, even though she immediately clocks my nervous clasping and unclasping of my bracelet. she hugs me as if i'm her own daughter and is so happy to see me that my heart lightens. eventually, we go to the other sitting room where the men are sitting-where he is. my nerves flare up again but he doesn't look up from his hands clasped in his lap when we walk in.

too nervous to speak, i only answer say anything when a question is directed at me and try to sneak quick glances at him across the room instead. his mum catches me more than once and smiles knowingly at me. we meet each others eyes only once for a split second and it makes my heart pound rapidly in my chest. when he speaks, i force myself to look at anyone other than him. he has a nice voice, my brain whispers and i bite my tongue, hard.

they leave, and we say they'll know our decision after a couple months. i know what my answer will be though. later, when they get back home and his mum calls my mum, i stand outside the door to eavesdrop, my heart in my throat but i can't stop my grin when i hear his mum say he's happy to go ahead with this, because there was a part of me that still worried he'd see me in person and go NOPE. she suggests that we get to know each other over the next few months and i silently beg my mum to agree. i know that where she is from, in her tradition, the bride and groom speak once or twice before the wedding if they're lucky, and that things are still done that way back home, but just as im gearing up to argue against that, she agrees. it's a miracle!

of course, chronically shy person that i am, the thought of our first conversation taking place on our mums phones is terrifying so instead i ask to get his number so we can text first. she sends his number but theres no way i'm texting first so i send them my number and thankfully he gets the hint and texts me first. i hope you don't mind me texting, i'm just shy still. i say. that's fine, he reassures me. we have time.

time, as it turns out. flies. it doesn't take long to move from texts to voice notes, to phone calls. he really does have a nice voice, i find out, and its not as awkward as i thought it would be. i didn't actually think that we'd talk that much, maybe once a week at most and yet...

i almost cried last night because we were talking about going to Pakistan together next summer and I remembered how when I was a teenager I used to daydream about going to Pakistan with my spouse and visiting all my family with him.

then over the years I sort of gave up on that idea because I'm not the type to go out and meet someone and in the desi arranged marriage market whose gonna choose me?

and now I'm 26, and we talk multiple times a day and when I catch myself thinking oh he isn't really interested, he's just talking to me because he has to to get to know me, why would anyone actually like me?? I find myself countering with well actually if that was the case why would he start calling you every day? how come you went from one call a day ending with 'i'll talk to you tomorrow' to him calling you on his way home from work and 'i'll call you after dinner' when he gets home to a THIRD call after maghrib right before bed? those are not the actions of a man who is uninterested!!

hanaas insecurities- 0, hanaas logic- 1

anyway idk where this is going except i never thought i'd be this excited and happy when it came time for me to get married but here i am and it is SO SCARY to realise that i am maybe possibly (definitely) falling for him but wow, and like? (literally the other day i was telling him a story from when i was a kid and the story had such a silly ending but it was unexpected and he laughed really hard in surprise and it made my heart almost explode i swear its so fun to make him laugh)

but like there's SO MANY logistics i'm restarting my driving lessons so i can pass before i move and i literally just got my new job in april but i'm gonna have to give my notice lmao and i've already started looking for new jobs but GAH so much stuff is happening and yet at the same time i feel so calm about it all it's wild i'm just vibing trying to enjoy my summer holidays and having the highlights of my day being when he calls lmaooo

#banana speaks 🍌#okay that's enough emosh stuff for tonight i think #time to go to bed and watch his tiktoks and kick my feet and giggle at my phone bc i can't believe this is happening still #idk why i made this post honestly but its just like...it is SO SCARY sometimes #and for ages and ages i didn't feel ready at all #my sister had a love marriage and she's been married 10 years w 4 kids she's rlly happy #but i just knew that wasn't gonna happen for me so i was happy w an arranged marriage #but also #i have really strong faith #(mostly)#and something that really helped me here was #im SUCH a chronic over thinker but literally the moment i saw him in our front room #i felt this deep certainty like 'this is it..this is him' it felt like this beautiful peace in my heart #and that was so so lovely like...there's wedding stuff and other things to prepare for but theres no doubt in my mind ab him and its just??#insane im like #its like all my doubts disappeared #and also it's v interesting bc i think if he'd tried any lines on me or flirted when we talk i would be worried but #hes really respectful and my dad likes him my mum likes him we ALL like him hahaha #inshallah inshallah things will go well #also rishta's will come from unexpected places #we were looking in the uk for AGES and couldn't find anyone #but we found him within a year of him being here because turns out...he only came here from pak to be w his parents last year #jo hai tera lab jayega indeed #once agan #inshallah it all goes smoothly :D

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fallenspirit · 1 year ago

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troy looking cute with the yellow flower

#troy baker #look at this beautiful man #he's so hot #i'm back in my troy era #and i have zero regrets about it #the flower is great #his hair looks great #hello arms #i'm just thirsting over here #don't mind me #heart eyes #rooster teeth #let's play #my gifs #gif set

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hellogoodbyeitsme · 2 years ago

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The anime made the telepathy arc more about the aliens haha funny anime girls than it did about what the arc represents and I'm still sad about it! I didn't post about it until now because I'm sad! Especially because the animation was quite beautiful!

The point of this small arc is to show that Shigeo has made peace with himself. Both as a person, by genuinely exhausting himself to help the friends he loves - putting all that effort in and continuously choosing to keep going, even when Tome is saying she doesn't want to and everyone is tired. And as an esper, freely using his powers to do something that could be regarded as useless, silly, or maybe even a touch playful; which he hasn't done since he was a child. He has only ever used it when told to, ever since the accident with Ritsu. And remember, during the last season, he was having an extremely hard time being stuck between his esper half, and his human half. It's incredible progress!! Seeing him able to combine both sides of himself in front of others, knowing he's accepted by these people?! That's crazy! I'm so proud of him!! He's grown!!

And this arc is also about him connecting with the other important part of himself (and of all of us), too: the truth of your heart.

Tome disbanding the club, leaving so quietly and dejectedly because she realises that all this time they hadn't taken her seriously. The club members being genuinely upset about it because they love her and didn't realise that she was that serious.

Takenaka being amazed by the truth in Shigeo's heart (a straightforward person who doesn't like to lie or put up false pretenses, which is rarer than you'd think, genuinely wanting to help his friend by doing something crazy like communicating with aliens) and choosing to join them because he had actually wanted to meet others like him, and because he felt like his power could be used for the sake of good for once (as he had used it when he was a child). Because he was moved by Shigeo's honest heart.

Reigen complaining that he has to babysit a bunch of kids, when in reality he knows he's spending time with people he loves and is just a little happy about it. Serizawa being genuinely upset that he can't join Reigen for drinks, worrying about him, until he knows Reigen will be with someone he cares about at the turn of the year (btw this is quite funny to me, because any typical person would go hey I'm sure my classmates wouldn't mind if I invited a friend along to drinks! We're all adults after all! Do you want to join? I can ask :D but he's autism honour bound and doesn't realise he can probably bring anyone, and Reigen's self confidence is too low to invite himself smh)

Tome crying because she was so frustrated that they only started to care when things were about to end, but knowing the truth in her own heart being that she, too, wanted to stay - so she showed up to go with them even though it hurt. Only to learn that even though they hadn't thought she was serious, they put this plan together because they do care. Because the truth is they value their friendship with her as much as she values them, and they want to make an effort to prove that.

Takenaka then putting in even more effort than he had expected to, because he realises he had let his hurt feelings (loneliness) get in the way of the type of friendships Shigeo had formed. The type of friendships he had yearned for all along. He'd even stayed awake that whole night prior, studying and memorising and taking notes, because he wanted things to go well, because these people could be onto something deeper than he'd thought friendships could be. Because the truth is he wanted to take part in something like that, too.

And Shigeo, in this arc, despite pushing himself to exhaustion, is doing it for the sake of love. For his friends. We've seen him exhaust himself before; after big fights and overwhelming moments, he becomes tired and exhausted to the point of collapsing or passing out. But here it's different - he's doing it for the sake of those he cares about. He wants to see Tome happy because she's a very dear friend to him, he wants to enjoy a day out with his group of friends that he just happened to become close to over the year, and he wants to show them how much they mean to him right now; and he wants to see Takenaka open up to others and learn that sometimes friendships are formed out of things that you don't have in common. Out of the things you learn from each other. (The mortifying ordeal of being known, if you will.)

Because what matters is the truth in your heart, that you care about your friends, that you want to be there for them, to push yourself for them, and that you know they'd do the same for you. That maybe they already have. That's the point of the arc. (That's what the point of the arc is.)

The aliens section in the manga touched on it too, in a "we were able to communicate because of a common understanding of each other, despite being unable to verbally communicate, and I was able to return home" and not.. whatever that was in the anime.

#this arc is extremely important #and there were parts of the episodes that were so beautiful and emotional #but the aliens part man #inukawa was like drugged and used and man the dude's a KID #but yk Moving Swiftly On #this arc is a very beautiful demonstration of everyone seeing their true selves and letting that truth be known #the truth in their hearts #ritsu's heart truth was that he wished to be more like the twins with shigeo instead of elder and younger brother #but you'll only know this if you read my tags so if you're here HI #i hope you don't mind that I write nicely but am also an idiot who adds asides and !!! everywhere #mp100 #mob psycho 100 #mp100 analysis #mp100 spoilers #takenaka #tome #mp100 tome #shigeo #mob #mp100 mob #lulu on the mic #reigen #telepathy arc #idk what to tag do I tag everyone I mentioned ew #I'm giving up here

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