#his girl friday 1941
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obsessed with how many Cary Grant movies have him doing a proto-Dreamworks face on the posters
#cary grant#dreamworks face#pheobe.txt 2024#his girl friday 1941#bringing up baby 1938#penny serenade 1941#that touch of mink 1962#crisis 1950#dream wife 1953#once upon a honeymoon 1942#only angels have wings 1939#holiday 1938#mr lucky 1943
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Some day this week I’m going to actually watch a new old movie instead of just rewatching movies I’ve already seen.
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Join us for our first ever Public Domain Film Festival!
All films will be shown in the BPCL reading room on the 4th floor of Jerome Library. Check out our other posts this week for some of our material in and about the public domain.
Tuesday, January 16, 4-7PM
Steamboat Willie (1928)
The Gallopin' Gaucho (1928)
Metropolis (1927)
Wednesday, January 17, 3-4:30PM
The Jackie Robinson Story (1950)
Friday, January 19, 2-4PM
His Girl Friday (1940)
Monday, January 22, 5-8PM
Reefer Madness (1936)
Teenagers from Outer Space (1959)
Tuesday, January 23, 6-8PM
Night of the Living Dead
Thursday, January 25, 3-4:30PM
The General (1926)
Friday, January 26, 3-4:30PM
Superman cartoons (1941-1943)
The Browne Popular Culture Library (BPCL), founded in 1969, is the most comprehensive archive of its kind in the United States. Our focus and mission is to acquire and preserve research materials on American Popular Culture (post 1876) for curricular and research use. Visit our website at https://www.bgsu.edu/library/pcl.html.
#bgsu#libraries on tumblr#public domain#steamboat willie#metropolis#jackie robinson#his girl friday#reefer madness#teenagers from outer space#night of the living dead#the general#superman
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My ultimate film watchlist (1930s-1940s)
1950s | 1960s-1970s | 1980s | 1990s | 2000s | 2010s
Welcome to part one of my ultimate film watchlist! This list is a compilation of all of the films, whether short or long, that I hope to watch one day. I add films I have already watched to the list, as well as how I liked them with a very simple code below. As you start to make it to the last 40ish years (as of 2023) you will notice I haven't watched a lot of common films the 90s and 2000s kids watched. That's because I watched the High School Musical and Barbie movies religiously as a child and basically nothing else. Outside of those, I hated movies and rarely wanted to go out to see a movie as a child, or even sit with the family to watch movies. So I am currently going through my list, and I imagine a lot of the PG and PG-13 movies will get hit in a few years when I have my own children.
Anyways, that's enough of that. Enjoy the list, and let me know if I should add anything!
P.S. Some films may be doubled in my holiday list as well! That list will be linked above with every major holiday movie I would like to watch. That does not necessarily include just Christmas/cozy winter movies, but other holidays too.
P.S.S. I struggle to watch films from these decades, and really can’t watch anything from earlier than the 1930 due to a lot of films having limited soundtracks, if any at all. Just personal preferences that I would be shocked to hear are uncommon. I would love recommendations for this post in particular though!
watched | loved| wouldn’t watch again | holiday
1930
All Quiet on the Western Front
The Blue Angel
1931
City Lights
Dracula
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
Frankenstein
M
1932
Blonde Venus
Devil and the Deep
Freaks
Hot Saturday
Madame Butterfly
Merrily We Go to Hell
Scarface
Singapore Sue
Sinners in the Sun
The Mummy
This Is the Night
1933
Alice in Wonderland
Duck Soup
Gambling Ship
I’m No Angel
King Kong
Little Women
She Done Him Wrong
The Eagle and the Hawk
The Invisible Man
The Woman Accused
1934
Born to Be Bad
Cleopatra
It Happened One Night
Kiss and Make-Up
Ladies Should Listen
Thirty-Day Princess
1935
Bride of Frankenstein
Enter Madame
Sylvia Scarlett
The Last Outpost
Top Hat
Wings in the Dark
1936
Big Brown Eyes
Modern Times
Suzy
The Amazing Quest of Ernest Bliss
Wedding Present
1937
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
The Awful Truth
The Toast of New York
Topper
When You’re in Love
1938
Bringing Up Baby
Holiday
The Adventures of Robin Hood
You Can’t Take It with You
1939
Gone With The Wind
Gunga Din
In Name Only
Only Angels Have Wings
Stagecoach
The Wizard of Oz
1940
His Girl Friday
My Favorite Wife
Pinocchio
Rebecca
The Grapes of Wrath
The Great Dictator
The Howards of Virginia
The Philadelphia Story
1941
Citizen Kane
Dumbo
Penny Serenade
Suspicion
The Maltese Falcon
1942
Bambi
Casablanca
Once Upon a Honeymoon
The Talk of the Town
To Be or Not To Be
1943
Destination Tokyo
Mr. Lucky
Shadow of a Doubt
1944
Arsenic and Old Lace
Double Indemnity
Laura
None but the Lonely Heart
Once Upon a Time
1945
Scarlet Street
Spellbound
1946
It’s a Wonderful Life
Night and Day
Notorious
The Big Sleeper
The Best Years of Our Lives
1947
Miracle on 34th Street
The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer
The Bishop’s Wife
The Lady from Shanghai
1948
Every Girl Should Be Married
Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream Home
Rope
The Treasure of the Sierra Madre
1949
Kind Hearts and Coronets
I Was a Male War Bride
White Heat
#30s#film#30s film#watchlist#classic film#classic film watchlist#Cary Grant#Judy Garland#Charlie Chaplin#Alfred Hitchcock#Greta Garbo#Gloria Swanson#Joan Crawford#40s film#40s#film watchlist#movie watchlist#movies#30s movies#40s movies#1930s#1940s
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Do you happen to have a compilation of queercoded Alan Scott panels from before Flashpoint by any chance? It's really interesting to know how even as far back as the Golden Age the seeds for his sexuality were there and nobody really noticed
i do! kind of! i have a bunch spread across various post so i'm just gonna put together a compilation of gaycoded alan scott moments from the golden age (and beyond) for you right now :)
in his 1940s stories alan not only shows a complete disinterest in women but he actively rejects their advances at every turn
(in green lantern 1941 #34 he refuses to go on a date by pretending his dog dislikes girls)
(in green lantern #33 he reacts with disgust to the idea of marrying a woman)
(in all-american comics 1939 #71, alan's completely immune to a mad scientist's daughter that's been specifically created to be irresistible to men)
(in green lantern #13 doiby falls for a debutante that only has eyes for alan, and alan can't stand her or any affection from her)
much of his gaycoding also revolves around the close and intimate relationship he has with his best friend doiby dickles, whom he shares a bedroom & a bathroom with
(an especially flagrant example from all american comics #60 but keep in mind this is the status quo for all their golden age appearances after doiby finds out alan's identity in aac #35)
(a couple other examples of such intimacy from gl #28, aac #54, the big all-american comic book 1944 #1, and gl #34)
there's also a story in comic cavalcade 1942 that implies a great deal about alan's relationship with a nightclub owner named jonah dayton, which stands out in stark contrast to alan's distinct lack of romantic & social life
(comic cavalcade #23, note doiby's strange insistence that alan is 'ruining his life')
these are all just examples because it'd be impossible to show you panels from all his 130+ golden age appearances but if you were to read them in full you'd discover that over the course of his 1940s stories alan has no romantic relationships whatsoever and he and doiby live together, go on vacations together, adopt a dog together, babysit doiby's nephew together, and generally share a closeness that is 'inexplicable' even for the comics of back then. notably, alan's first silver age appearance in green lantern 1960 #40 has alan & doiby still living together and alan's employees at gbc calling him alan's 'man friday'
the 1976 run of all-star comics (which picks up the golden age series' numbering) goes so explicit with the confirmed bachelor aspect that it's undoubtedly what led to roy thomas' subsequent retcons in infinity inc (and specifically infinity inc annual #1)
(missing doiby in all-star comics #60, after doiby's subsequent marriage in the silver age gl series)
(writer paul levitz' retrospective on asc 1976 in the amazing world of dc comics #16, note how alan's the one jsaer to have never married and who has no family besides his close friend doiby)
it's within this context of alan's history that roy thomas' attempts to make him seem straight in infinity inc must be approached and how the confirmation of alan's sexuality in the present day is just that -- a confirmation, a return to form -- and not a retcon, after all for forty-one years of his existence there had been no women in alan's life.
this isn't to say though that with molly in the picture the gaycoding ever actually stopped, it just became rarer as any focus on alan himself or his personal life became rarer and the jsa-as-people (rather than heroes) sort of faded into the background. we still got the occasional gems like everything during the sentinel era (special shout out to the book of fate 1997 and the weird psychosexual things contained within) and how showcase '95 #1 has alan fighting the maybe-ghosts of his teammates while saying they have no right to judge him after they accuse him of not being 'a real man'
or green lantern: in brightest day, blackest night 2002 stating he'll never be able to settle down into a normal life because he's not a 'normal man'
and there's a lot to be read into molly's effective disappearance over the years, too. she's been pretty much erased post-early 2000s to the point that you could easily pinpoint their separation/divorce somewhere around 2007 or so.
there's certainly much more out there and having read all his appearances i've found next to none that didn't feature some hint of gaycoding but i hope you've enjoyed these examples! lmk your thoughts if you'd like :)
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Reminder: Vote based on the song, not the artist or specific recording! The tracks referenced are the original artist, aside from a few rare cases where a cover is the most widely known.
Lyrics, videos, info, and notable covers under the cut. (Spotify playlist available in pinned post)
Girls Like Girls
Written By: Lily-May Young, Owen Thomas & Hayley Kiyoko
Artist: Hayley Kiyoko
Released: 2015
“Girls Like Girls” tells the story of a young girl actively looking to start relationships with girls currently involved with boys. In an interview with US Weekly, Hayley described the song as a “female anthem for a girl stealing another guy’s girl”, subverting the common theme of “guys always.. stealing other guys’ girls”. According to Hayley in an interview with Elite Daily, she didn’t have any artist that she could relate to when she was growing up, and so, she decided to tell her own stories. Kiyoko describes “Girls like Girls” as a story that she believes others can relate to: “There’s not a lot of representation for young girls who are best friends who might fall in love. A big point for me was to respect that and keep it real, so people can realize it’s not just a joke.” In a personal essay written by Kiyoko for Paper, she said that “Girls Like Girls” was born on a rainy day where she had a writing session with Owen Thomas and Lily May Young. “Growing up, everything I did was always about girls. I took dance because of girls. I got involved in student council because of girls. Not that I ever expected any of them to like me back, but I just felt comforted being around them, even if I could never date them. So there we were. The song “Girls like Girls” was born."
[Intro] (Boys) (Boys) Boys, (Boys) (Boys) [Verse 1] Stealing kisses from your missus Does it make you freak out? Got you fussing, got you worried Scared to let your guard down Boys, boys Tell the neighbors I'm not sorry if I'm breaking walls down Building your girl's second story, ripping all your floors out [Chorus] Saw your face, heard your name, gotta get with you Girls like girls, like boys do, nothing new Isn't this why we came? Gotta get with you Girls like girls, like boys do, nothing new Girls like girls, like boys do, nothing new [Verse 2] Always gonna steal your thunder Watch me like a dark cloud On the move collecting numbers I'ma take your girl out We will be everything that we'd ever need Don't tell me, tell me what I feel I'm real and I don't feel like boys I'm real and I don't feel like boys [Chorus] Saw your face, heard your name, gotta get with you Girls like girls like boys do, nothing new Isn't this why we came? Gotta get with you Girls like girls, like boys do, nothing new Girls like girls, like boys do, nothing new [Bridge] I've been crossing all the lines, all the lines Kissed your girl back made you cry, boys [Chorus] Saw your face, heard your name, gotta get with you Girls like girls, like boys do, nothing new Isn't this why we came? Tell me if you feel it too! Tell me, girls like girls like boys do, nothing new Girls like girls like boys do, nothing new
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At Last
Written By: Henry Warren & Mack Gordon
Artist: Etta James
Released: 1960
Originally recorded by: Glenn Miller and His Orchestra feat. Pat Friday & John Payne, 1941
A song originally written in 1941 by Mack Gordon and Harry Warren and originally performed by Glenn Miller and His Orchestra for the 1941 movie Sun Valley Serenade, this ballad found its greatest success in the hands of the late Etta James in this 1960 recording. The tune became James' signature song. The song is featured on several “best of” lists, including inclusion in the Library of Congress' National Recording Registry and induction into the Grammy Hall of Fame in 1999.
[Verse 1] At last My love has come along My lonely days are over And life is like a song (Oh, yeah, yeah) [Verse 2] At last The skies above are blue My heart was wrapped up in clover The night I looked at you [Bridge] I found a dream that I could speak to A dream that I can call my own I found a thrill to press my cheek to A thrill that I've never known (Oh, yeah, yeah) [Verse 3] You smiled, you smiled Oh, and then the spell was cast And here we are in heaven For you are mine at last
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#hayley kiyoko#girls like girls#etta james#at last#polls#poll tournament#poll bracket#tournament#bracket#lovesongbracket#round2
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"Love… Love means never having to say you're sorry"
Ryan O'Neal was a captivating actor and absurdly handsome movie star who became an instant star in the hit film "Love Story," the highest-grossing film 🎬 of 1970 died on Friday. He was 82. 💔
Ryan O’Neal had made the entirety of American womanhood fall devastatingly in love with him with his breakthrough performance in Arthur Hiller’s Love Story in 1970, the heart-wrenching date-movie weepie, in which he was the entitled Harvard rich kid falling for the smart, tough girl from the wrong side of the tracks: played by the formidable Ali MacGraw, who is to become terminally ill.
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Ali MacGraw and Ryan O’Neal in Love Story. United Archives FilmPublicityArchive/Getty Images - Photograph
Their romantic dynamic had something to do with her being stronger and more assertive than O’Neal’s character, who had been so browbeaten by his wealthy father – but he achieves a kind of nobility and hard-won maturity through her sacrifice for him.
"Love means never having to say you're sorry" is a catchphrase based on a line from the Erich Segal novel Love Story and was popularised by its 1970 film adaptation starring Ali MacGraw and Ryan O'Neal.
Love Story was nominated for seven Academy Awards, including Best Picture; Directing (Arthur Hiller); Actor (Ryan O'Neal); Actress (Ali MacGraw); Actor in a Supporting Role (John Marley); and Writing (Story and Screenplay—based on factual material or material not previously published or produced) (Erich Segal), and Best Original Music Score.
But he was later known as much for his personal life, and health problems as for his acting. Ryan was also known for his high-profile relationship with Charlie's Angels actress Farrah Fawcett which lasted decades; The couple never married.
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Ryan O'Neal and Farrah Fawcett (photographed in 1989) were romantically involved for nearly 30 years, and they had a son, Redmond, born in 1985. RAY STUBBLEBINE, AP
O'Neal was a familiar face on both big and small screens for a half-century. But he was never as famous as he was in the immediate aftermath of "Love Story."
He also starred in comedies, including "Paper Moon" with his daughter, Tatum O'Neal. Ryan worked with some of the top female stars of his day such as Barbra Streisand on What's Up, Doc, and The Main Event, and Marisa Berenson on Barry Lyndon.
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Barbra Streisand has paid an emotional tribute to her two-time co-star Ryan O'Neal following his death
He maintained a high profile throughout the 1970s, appearing in films like "Barry Lyndon” a 1975 historical drama film written, directed, and produced by Stanley Kubrick, based on the 1844 novel The Luck of Barry Lyndon a picaresque novel by English author William Makepeace Thackeray.
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Barry Lyndon received seven nominations at the 48th Academy Awards, including Best Picture, winning four for Best Scoring: Original Song Score and Adaptation or Scoring: Adaptation, Best Cinematography, Best Art Direction, and Best Costume Design.
His son Patrick O'Neal confirmed the death in a post on Instagram. It did not give the cause or say where he died.
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He will be remembered. 1941-2023 💔
#RyanO’Neal #actor #LoveStory #BarryLyndon @patrick_oneal
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Tony Curtis and Burt Lancaster in Sweet Smell of Success (Alexander Mackendrick, 1957)
Cast: Burt Lancaster, Tony Curtis, Susan Harrison, Martin Milner, Jeff Donnell, Sam Levene, Joe Frisco, Barbara Nichols, Emile Meyer, Edith Atwater. Screenplay: Clifford Odets, Ernest Lehman, based on a novel by Lehman. Cinematography: James Wong Howe. Art direction: Edward Carrere. Film editing: Alan Crosland Jr. Music: Elmer Bernstein.
What do Sweet Smell of Success, His Girl Friday (Howard Hawks, 1940), Sullivan's Travels (Preston Sturges, 1941), and The Searchers (John Ford, 1956) have in common? They are all among the critically acclaimed films that, among other honors, have been selected for inclusion in the National Film Registry of the Library of Congress. And none of them received a single nomination in any category for the Academy Awards. Sweet Smell is, of course, a wickedly cynical film about two of the most egregious anti-heroes, New York newspaper columnist J.J. Hunsecker (Burt Lancaster) and press agent Sidney Falco (Tony Curtis), ever to appear in a film. They make the gangsters of Francis Ford Coppola's and Martin Scorsese's films look like Boy Scouts. So given the inclination of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences to stay on the good side of columnists and publicists, we might expect it to shy away from honoring the film with Oscars. But consider the categories in which it might have been nominated. The best picture Oscar for 1957 went to The Bridge on the River Kwai (David Lean), a respectable choice, and Sidney Lumet's tensely entertaining 12 Angry Men certainly deserved the nomination it received. But in what ways are the other nominees -- Peyton Place (Mark Robson), Sayonara (Joshua Logan), and Witness for the Prosecution (Billy Wilder) -- superior to Sweet Smell? The best actor Oscar winner was Alec Guinness for The Bridge on the River Kwai, another plausible choice. But Tony Curtis gave the performance of his career as Sidney Falco, overcoming his "pretty boy" image -- in fact, the film makes fun of it: One character refers to him as "Eyelashes" -- by digging deep into his roots growing up in The Bronx. Burt Lancaster would win an Oscar three years later for Elmer Gantry (Richard Brooks), a more showy but less controlled performance than the one he gives here. Either or both of them would have been better nominees than Marlon Brando was for his lazy turn in Sayonara, Anthony Franciosa in A Hatful of Rain (Fred Zinnemann), Charles Laughton in Witness for the Prosecution, and Anthony Quinn in Wild Is the Wind (George Cukor). The dialogue provided by Clifford Odets and Ernest Lehman for the film crackles and stings -- there is probably no more quotable, or stolen from, screenplay, yet it went unnominated. So did James Wong Howe's eloquent black-and-white cinematography, showing off the neon-lighted Broadway in a sinister fashion, and Elmer Bernstein's atmospheric score mixed well with the jazz sequences featuring the Chico Hamilton Quintet. Even the performers in the film who probably didn't merit nominations make solid contributions: Martin Milner is miscast as the jazz musician who falls for Hunsecker's sister (Susan Harrison), but he hasn't yet fallen into the blandness of his famous TV roles on Route 66 and Adam-12, and Barbara Nichols, who had a long career playing floozies in movies and on TV, is surprisingly touching as Rita, one of the pawns Sidney uses to get ahead. As a director, Alexander Mackendrick is best known for the comedies he did at Britain's Ealing Studios with Alec Guinness, The Man in the White Suit (1951) and The Ladykillers (1955). His work on Sweet Smell was complicated by clashes with Lancaster, who was one of the film's executive producers, and after making a few more films he accepted a position at the film school at the California Institute of the Arts in 1967, where he spent the rest of his career.
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missavagardner:
↳ MissAvaGardner’s Top 100 Classic Motion Pictures These are my top 100 favorite classic films, the films I consider every classic fan should watch, its just my list and my opinion, I tried my best I love so many films and as a classic lover you always want to include more, for those who ask for movie recommendations this is for you. Please report any broken links and enjoy!
01 | 1950 - All About Eve → WATCH & WATCH 02 | 1939 - Gone With The Wind → WATCH & WATCH 03 | 1966 - Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf → WATCH & WATCH 04 | 1944 - To Have And Have Not → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 05 | 1938 - Bringing Up Baby → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 06 | 1959 - Some Like It Hot → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 07 | 1943 - Casablanca → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 08 | 1946 - Gilda → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 09 | 1934 - The Thin Man → WATCH & WATCH 10 | 1938 - Vivacious Lady → WATCH 11 | 1931 - City Lights → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 12 | 1951 - A Place In The Sun → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 13 | 1946 - Notorious → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 14 | 1940 - The Philadelphia Story → WATCH & WATCH 15 | 1965 - The Sound of Music → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 16 | 1953 - Roman Holiday → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 17 | 1947 - It’s a Wonderful Life → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 18 | 1961 - La Dolce Vita → WATCH PART 1 & PART 2 19 | 1953 - From Here To Eternity → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 20 | 1935 - Top Hat → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 21 | 1967 - The Graduate → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 22 | 1950 - Sunset Blvd → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 23 | 1965 - Doctor Zhivago → WATCH PART 1 & PART 2 24 | 1952 - Singin’ in the Rain → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 25 | 1957 - An Affair to Remember → WATCH 26 | 1940 - Waterloo Bridge → WATCH 27 | 1951 - An American in Paris → WATCH 28 | 1936 - Camille → WATCH 29 | 1955 - Rear Window → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 30 | 1950 - In A Lonely Place → WATCH 31 | 1932 - Red Dust → WATCH 32 | 1963 - 8½ → WATCH 33 | 1958 - Cat on a Hot Tin Roof → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 34 | 1942 - Now Voyager → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 35 | 1954 - Dial M for Murder → WATCH & WATCH 36 | 1945 - Leave Her to Heaven → WATCH 37 | 1955 - To Catch a Thief → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 38 | 1959 - North by Northwest → WATCH & WATCH 39 | 1936 - Swing Time → WATCH 40 | 1957 - Pal Joey → WATCH 41 | 1951 - A Streetcar Named Desire → WATCH 42 | 1956 - Giant → WATCH & WATCH 43 | 1968 - Funny Girl → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 44 | 1939 - The Wizard of Oz → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 45 | 1959 - Pillow Talk → WATCH & WATCH 46 | 1960 - Psycho → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 47 | 1934 - It Happened One Night → WATCH & WATCH 48 | 1959 - On The Beach → WATCH PART 1 & PART 2 49 | 1954 - Phffft! → NETFLIX 50 | 1962 - Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? → WATCH & WATCH 51 | 1945 - Mildred Pierce → WATCH 52 | 1966 - Un homme et une femme → WATCH 53 | 1951 - The African Queen → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 54 | 1961 - West Side Story → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 55 | 1964 - My Fair Lady → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 56 | 1957 - 12 Angry Men → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 57 | 1936 - My Man Godfrey → WATCH & WATCH 58 | 1944 - Meet Me in St Louis → WATCH 59 | 1939 - Dark Victory → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 60 | 1945 - The Lost Weekend → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 61 | 1953 - Mogambo → DOWNLOAD 62 | 1944 - Laura → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 63 | 1954 - The Last Time I Saw Paris → WATCH 64 | 1940 - His Girl Friday → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 65 | 1937 - The Awful Truth → WATCH 66 | 1941 - Ball of Fire → WATCH 67 | 1960 - The Apartment → WATCH & WATCH 68 | 1944 - Arsenic and Old Lace → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 69 | 1942 - To Be or Not to Be → WATCH 70 | 1955 - This Property Is Condemned → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 71 | 1941 - Citizen Kane → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 72 | 1939 - The Women → WATCH 73 | 1961 - One, Two, Three → WATCH 74 | 1941 - Suspicion → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 75 | 1927 - Wings → WATCH 76 | 1949 - The Heiress → WATCH & WATCH 77 | 1941 - The Lady Eve → WATCH 78 | 1940 - Rebecca → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 79 | 1941 - Little Foxes → WATCH 80 | 1942 - Cat People → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 81 | 1944 - Double Indemnity → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 82 | 1946 - The Big Sleep → WATCH 83 | 1954 - A Star Is Born → WATCH 84 | 1967 - Belle de Jour → WATCH 85 | 1952 - The Quiet Man → WATCH 86 | 1958 - Vertigo → WATCH 87 | 1961 - Splendor in the Grass → WATCH 88 | 1955 - Rebel Without a Cause → WATCH 89 | 1954 - Sabrina → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 90 | 1962 - Lawrence of Arabia → WATCH PART 1 & PART 2 91 | 1954 - On The Waterfront → WATCH 92 | 1960 - A Bout de Souffle → WATCH 93 | 1963 - Love With The Proper Stranger → WATCH & DOWNLOAD 94 | 1942 - Woman of The Year → WATCH 95 | 1937 - Stage Door → WATCH 96 | 1967 - Cool Hand Luke → WATCH 97 | 1967 - Bonnie & Clyde → WATCH 98 | 1964 - The Night of the Iguana → WATCH 99 | 1962 - Lolita → WATCH 100 | 1961 - Breakfast At Tiffany’s → WATCH
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If you can believe it, there are even fewer good movies genuinely set on Valentine’s Day than there are on not-exactly-movie-genic holidays Thanksgiving and New Year’s. Maybe it’s because of the ways courtship (and therefore romantic movies, and the holiday itself) changed over the course of the 20th Century, or maybe because—unlike setting a romantic movie over Christmas—placing your romantic comedy or drama specifically on Valentine’s Day feels too much like a hat on a hat. In contemporary times, maybe the vicious one-two punch of I Hate Valentine’s Day (2009, Nia Vardalos) and Valentine’s Day (2010, Garry Marshall) scared filmmakers off the date for good. Of course, there are plenty of romance movies that will do the trick as Valentine’s Day movies —so many, in fact, that sifting through all of them can become overwhelming even before you take into account the flood of options available at the click of a button across so many streaming channels.The upside is that within that flood, you may be able to find a romantic movie for whatever sub-mood you’re in—and that movie could even be a great one, if you follow this handy guide. Because the aim here is not just to find you a good-enough rom-com to inspire a halfhearted press of “play” once you and your date/partner/hookup are too tired to keep searching. No, let’s get you a couch-date movie (or, if you’re lucky enough to have a varied and semi-adventurous rep scene, outside-world-date movie) that’s truly, cinematically excellent.The following thirteen romances attempt to avoid the blatantly lopsided, the overtly problematic, and the movies where you have to just go with it to get to the kissing. Not because it’s wrong to enjoy a lopsided, problematic, age-gapped, power-imbalanced, potentially unhealthy just-get-to-the-kissing romance, of course—some of the best romantic movies ever made fit that description. But you also deserve a romantic night at the movies—whether wholly delightful or bittersweet—without an asterisk like “it’s great if you half-ignore Andie MacDowell.” Plus, I’m assuming you’ve seen, or at least understand that you should see, bona fide all-time classics like It Happened One Night or The Philadelphia Story. As such, nothing from the AFI Top 100 will be included here. (Some of them are on the more specialized AFI 100 Passions list, because otherwise that’s a lot of passions to dismiss.)Some of these are wholly comic, some of them are deeply sad, and some of them (well, one of them) involves potential murder via giant cat—which is to say, there’s something for almost any film fan. A few of them even take place on or around Valentine’s Day.In the mood for screwball love: My Man Godfrey (1936)The influence of screwball comedies on modern rom-coms is so pervasive that it’s also become watered-down over the years, so a straight shot of the real thing can be bracing. My Man Godfrey has a romance between a down-on-his-luck “forgotten man” (William Powell) and the well-meaning younger daughter (Carole Lombard) of a rich family, but it’s less of a romance than the likes of His Girl Friday or The Philadelphia Story (and, not to be unkind, a bit more sophisticated than the animal antics of Bringing Up Baby), while still serving up a delightful romantic give-and-take en route to a happy ending. My Man Godfrey has everything you want out of a Depression-era screwball rom-com: Hoovervilles, flighty rich people, short-suffering butlers, dizzy infatuation, and escape from economic despair. In a perfectly screwy touch, Powell and Lombard were married—but split up years before making the movie together.In the mood for larcenous love: The Lady Eve (1941)Aren’t a lot of relationships built on some sort of con or another? The Lady Eve, a gem from Preston Sturges, simply makes that explicit, as con woman Jean Harrington (Barbara Stanwyck) targets Charles Pike (Henry Fonda), only to fall in love with him—and then, when he gets wise to her initial scheme, attempts revenge via an even more outlandish plot. Stanwyck often played tougher and/or sultrier roles than more frequent rom-com performers, which makes her commitment to her character’s criminal lifestyle in The Lady Eve both more believable and even funnier. For that matter, the star of The Ox-Bow Incident and Young Mr. Lincoln doesn’t exactly scream “zany,” either, yet Fonda pairs perfectly with Stanwyck in this fast-paced and ultimately pretty sexy material. This, too, makes sense: Acting can also be a beautiful con. (Sturges was on a roll here; his screwball rom-com from the following year, The Palm Beach Story, is also terrific.)In the mood for scary love: Cat People (1942)You could make a whole list of gothic and monster-related love stories, but Cat People deserves a nod for the degree to which it allows love, lust, and animal instinct to intertwine—all in a story that centers a shapeshifting woman (Simone Simon) who lives in fear of being overtaken by her fearsome desire. Now that the idea of a “cat lady” has been introduced, popularized, and in some cases reclaimed by the culture at large, the idea of a woman who becomes a cat—untamed by mere marriage, stalking and attempting to destroy her perceived romantic rivals—has only gotten kickier and more subversive. 40 years later, in 1982, the demise of the production code and the existence of Paul Schrader would make possible an even-lustier remake, complete with a killer David Bowie theme song. And for that matter, Michelle Pfeiffer’s definitive big-screen Catwoman in Batman Returns probably owes more than a little to this Val Lewton classic as well.In the mood for adventurous love: Charade (1963)OK, I lied about the age-gap thing: This is one. Look, it’s damn hard to find a charming Audrey Hepburn romance that doesn’t pair her with a significantly older leading-man star of slightly before her time, whether it’s Fred Astaire in Funny Face, Rex Harrison in My Fair Lady, or Gregory Peck in Roman Holiday. (She’s perfectly age-matched in Breakfast at Tiffany’s, but that one is really more of a solo showcase for her than it is a transporting romance.) At the same time, it’s damn harder to not include one of Hepburn’s sparkling old-guy chemistry experiments, so let’s make do with a gracefully aged Cary Grant, in a movie that makes the most of their generational gap, as Grant plays a charming man who’s hard to pin down; his identity keeps shifting as he helps her through a money-chasing caper caused by the murdered husband she was planning to divorce. There are a lot of fantasies, on screen and in life, about people getting swept off their feet; even as a Hitchcock-lite-style entertainment (the actual director is regular Hepburn collaborator Stanley Donen), Charade understands how the potential disorientation can and should be part of the fun.In the mood for decades-spanning love: The Way We Were (1973)Many of the most famous big-screen love stories of the 1970s tend to be sadder and more self-consciously weightier than their more effervescent counterparts from the 1950s and 1960s. The Way We Were is straight melodrama, but its long-range romance, following the ups and downs of a try-hard (Barbra Streisand) and a golden boy (Robert Redford), has surprising weight—maybe because it’s only in retrospect that their relationship looks like one long breakup that neither of them are fully committed to executing. Hollywood romances love to show people overcoming their differences in personality, background, and/or life goals to simply make it work by sheer force of narrative will. So it’s a little jarring, yet maybe also weirdly comforting, to watch a pair of megawatt stars ultimately unable to do.In the mood for young love: Say Anything (1989)Here’s a little secret about John Hughes: A lot of his celebrated teen movies are romantic comedies, and a lot of them, to use some probably-outdated teenage parlance, suck ass. Obviously that’s an oversimplification, but as romantic comedies, it’s hard to compare a movie like Pretty in Pink to one like Cameron Crowe’s Say Anything, an unusually perceptive and well-balanced love story between the class brain “Diane Court, whoa” (Ione Skye) and the earnest, persistent eccentric Lloyd Dobler (John Cusack), a good-hearted teenager who doesn’t want to buy anything sold or processed (and so forth) as a career. It’s hard to make a good love story about teenagers on the verge of graduating high school, because does anyone ever really believe that they’re going to stay together longer than a few more months? Say Anything is about those very doubts, which it exacerbates by playing up Lloyd and Diane’s differences, before chasing them away with a final shot that’s like an optimist’s flip of The Graduate—a romantic gesture no one ever knew they needed until Crowe cooked it up.In the mood for cross-cultural love: Mississippi Masala (1991)Mira Nair’s tender, sexy romance is about Mina (Sarita Choudhury), an Indian-American who feels at home in her Mississippi community, falling in love with Demeterius (Denzel Washington), a local charmer whose Blackness bothers Mina’s parents (just as his family resists his interest in an Indian-American girl). But it’s also about forging a complicated relationship between your heritage and your day-to-day life as it’s actually lived, and whether those aspects of yourself can be reconciled. If it sounds heady, keep in mind how absolutely smoking hot Choudhury and Washington are—and how Nair has a talent for teasing these conflicts out from a sense of place that’s too rare in glossy movie romances.In the mood for costumed, bittersweet love: Shakespeare in Love (1998)For years it took undeserved flak for beating out Saving Private Ryan in the Best Picture category at that year’s Academy Awards, a kind of manufactured boys-like-this/girls-like-that conflict entirely unfair to a movie that deserved more love for bringing the oft-disreputable rom-com genre to the top Oscar for the first time since Annie Hall. Granted, Shakespeare in Love has the costume-heavy biopic angle, but, gloriously, the biography is entirely made up, with Joseph Fiennes playing a tortured artist who lights up at the sight of his temporary muse (Gwyneth Paltrow). Their final scene together is one for the ages.In the mood for musical love: Moulin Rouge! (2001)It’s genuinely sort of difficult to find a musical without some sort of accompanying love story, but Moulin Rouge! has perhaps the least perfunctory musical love story of all time, because its entire reason for being is wrapped up in trying to communicate passionate, heedless, ridiculous love through song—in making the act of bursting into song seem revolutionary in its boldness and noble in its honesty. Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman, perfectly matched as performers whose acting-first ability to emote openly informs their nonprofessional but deeply charming singing, lead an uncynical hit parade, frequently turning dross into gold. They capture what it feels like for a pop song (even or especially one that’s kind of stupid) to leap into your (stupid) soul. Baz Luhrmann stages every musical number with a phantasmagorical understanding of the overlapping language of film, theater, pop music, and music video—a reminder that you can fall in love with forms as well as people.In the mood for science-fiction love: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)“Today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap.” It wasn’t an original sentiment 20 years ago, yet it opens probably the best Valentine’s Day movie ever made, as Joel (Jim Carrey) boards a train to Montauk on February 14th. There he meets Clementine (Kate Winslet) for the first time—or does he? Michel Gondry and Charlie Kaufman’s tricky sci-fi classic about a firm that offers to erase people from each other’s memories recontextualizes the stormy Joel/Clementine relationship throughout the movie. By the end, the film’s Valentine’s Day opening will strike you as deeply romantic, frighteningly doomed, or gently hopeful, depending on where you’re coming from. It’s the perfect sci-fi romance, where big what-if questions about humanity are inseparable from intimate questions about our relationships—and equally unanswerable.In the mood for honest love: Obvious Child (2014)When Donna (Jenny Slate), a stand-up comic reeling from a break-up, gets pregnant from a one-night rebound, she seeks out an abortion. The clinic has two available dates: her mom’s birthday, and Valentine’s Day. She chooses Valentine’s Day, which instantly throws Gillian Robespierre’s comedy into the top tier of movies set at least in part on the actual holiday. But Obvious Child doesn’t register as a performatively anti-Valentine’s provocation; it’s just a movie where a woman gets an abortion, and the real obstacles between her and a potential love interest come from herself, not her procedure. As a rom-com with a shot of genuine strife, Obvious Child has a terrific command of its small scope, paying particular attention to the rocky, fumbling early days of a relationship, and preserving whatever comes next for the characters to discover themselves.In the mood for questioning love: Straight Up (2020)Circling back to screwball for a more contemporary sensibility: This precisely staged and rapid-fire indie concerns a slightly squeamish young man (writer-director James Sweeney) who has always assumed he was gay embarking upon a not-quite-platonic relationship with a sardonic young woman (Katie Findlay) who’s fine with a chaste, experimental form of romance. Rather than constructing an uncomfortable conversion narrative or a dorm-room thought experiment, Sweeney comes up with a gently pressing, and at times achingly funny, investigation into sexuality, identity, and flexibility, all orchestrated with a dazzling eye for blocking, a keen ear for banter, and enormous sensitivity from the two leads, who carry multiple long two-hander scenes so deftly that they feel romantic—whether or not sex enters the picture.Bonus selection for those not remotely in the mood: Valentine (2001)There are a lot of holiday-themed horror movies, many of them winkingly cynical, but it’s rare to find one so thoroughly poisonous without a particular satirical target in mind. Valentine was the last gasp of first-wave Scream imitators, and as a slasher-centric murder mystery, it’s slickly unscary and nonsensical. As a demented piece of turn-of-the-century sociology, however, it is invaluable. It follows the ramifications of sixth-grade bullying into purported adulthood, as a spurned geek appears to be picking off a group of middle-school besties one by one. All of these supposed twentysomethings (including Denise Richards and future rom-com queen Katherine Heigl) are written as if by sixth-graders imagining grown-up life, where people with full-time jobs and apartments still attend Valentine’s Day parties at the rich girl’s house. Coexisting with this bizarre playacting is a more adult (if still inarticulate) sense of romantic dissatisfaction, placing the characters in an endless and grotesque meat-market hell of misplaced male intensity – and that’s before they start getting stabbed to death. Nia Vardalos may cutely claim to hate Valentine’s Day, but this is the V-Day picture with true loathing in its heart. Source link
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If you can believe it, there are even fewer good movies genuinely set on Valentine’s Day than there are on not-exactly-movie-genic holidays Thanksgiving and New Year’s. Maybe it’s because of the ways courtship (and therefore romantic movies, and the holiday itself) changed over the course of the 20th Century, or maybe because—unlike setting a romantic movie over Christmas—placing your romantic comedy or drama specifically on Valentine’s Day feels too much like a hat on a hat. In contemporary times, maybe the vicious one-two punch of I Hate Valentine’s Day (2009, Nia Vardalos) and Valentine’s Day (2010, Garry Marshall) scared filmmakers off the date for good. Of course, there are plenty of romance movies that will do the trick as Valentine’s Day movies —so many, in fact, that sifting through all of them can become overwhelming even before you take into account the flood of options available at the click of a button across so many streaming channels.The upside is that within that flood, you may be able to find a romantic movie for whatever sub-mood you’re in—and that movie could even be a great one, if you follow this handy guide. Because the aim here is not just to find you a good-enough rom-com to inspire a halfhearted press of “play” once you and your date/partner/hookup are too tired to keep searching. No, let’s get you a couch-date movie (or, if you’re lucky enough to have a varied and semi-adventurous rep scene, outside-world-date movie) that’s truly, cinematically excellent.The following thirteen romances attempt to avoid the blatantly lopsided, the overtly problematic, and the movies where you have to just go with it to get to the kissing. Not because it’s wrong to enjoy a lopsided, problematic, age-gapped, power-imbalanced, potentially unhealthy just-get-to-the-kissing romance, of course—some of the best romantic movies ever made fit that description. But you also deserve a romantic night at the movies—whether wholly delightful or bittersweet—without an asterisk like “it’s great if you half-ignore Andie MacDowell.” Plus, I’m assuming you’ve seen, or at least understand that you should see, bona fide all-time classics like It Happened One Night or The Philadelphia Story. As such, nothing from the AFI Top 100 will be included here. (Some of them are on the more specialized AFI 100 Passions list, because otherwise that’s a lot of passions to dismiss.)Some of these are wholly comic, some of them are deeply sad, and some of them (well, one of them) involves potential murder via giant cat—which is to say, there’s something for almost any film fan. A few of them even take place on or around Valentine’s Day.In the mood for screwball love: My Man Godfrey (1936)The influence of screwball comedies on modern rom-coms is so pervasive that it’s also become watered-down over the years, so a straight shot of the real thing can be bracing. My Man Godfrey has a romance between a down-on-his-luck “forgotten man” (William Powell) and the well-meaning younger daughter (Carole Lombard) of a rich family, but it’s less of a romance than the likes of His Girl Friday or The Philadelphia Story (and, not to be unkind, a bit more sophisticated than the animal antics of Bringing Up Baby), while still serving up a delightful romantic give-and-take en route to a happy ending. My Man Godfrey has everything you want out of a Depression-era screwball rom-com: Hoovervilles, flighty rich people, short-suffering butlers, dizzy infatuation, and escape from economic despair. In a perfectly screwy touch, Powell and Lombard were married—but split up years before making the movie together.In the mood for larcenous love: The Lady Eve (1941)Aren’t a lot of relationships built on some sort of con or another? The Lady Eve, a gem from Preston Sturges, simply makes that explicit, as con woman Jean Harrington (Barbara Stanwyck) targets Charles Pike (Henry Fonda), only to fall in love with him—and then, when he gets wise to her initial scheme, attempts revenge via an even more outlandish plot. Stanwyck often played tougher and/or sultrier roles than more frequent rom-com performers, which makes her commitment to her character’s criminal lifestyle in The Lady Eve both more believable and even funnier. For that matter, the star of The Ox-Bow Incident and Young Mr. Lincoln doesn’t exactly scream “zany,” either, yet Fonda pairs perfectly with Stanwyck in this fast-paced and ultimately pretty sexy material. This, too, makes sense: Acting can also be a beautiful con. (Sturges was on a roll here; his screwball rom-com from the following year, The Palm Beach Story, is also terrific.)In the mood for scary love: Cat People (1942)You could make a whole list of gothic and monster-related love stories, but Cat People deserves a nod for the degree to which it allows love, lust, and animal instinct to intertwine—all in a story that centers a shapeshifting woman (Simone Simon) who lives in fear of being overtaken by her fearsome desire. Now that the idea of a “cat lady” has been introduced, popularized, and in some cases reclaimed by the culture at large, the idea of a woman who becomes a cat—untamed by mere marriage, stalking and attempting to destroy her perceived romantic rivals—has only gotten kickier and more subversive. 40 years later, in 1982, the demise of the production code and the existence of Paul Schrader would make possible an even-lustier remake, complete with a killer David Bowie theme song. And for that matter, Michelle Pfeiffer’s definitive big-screen Catwoman in Batman Returns probably owes more than a little to this Val Lewton classic as well.In the mood for adventurous love: Charade (1963)OK, I lied about the age-gap thing: This is one. Look, it’s damn hard to find a charming Audrey Hepburn romance that doesn’t pair her with a significantly older leading-man star of slightly before her time, whether it’s Fred Astaire in Funny Face, Rex Harrison in My Fair Lady, or Gregory Peck in Roman Holiday. (She’s perfectly age-matched in Breakfast at Tiffany’s, but that one is really more of a solo showcase for her than it is a transporting romance.) At the same time, it’s damn harder to not include one of Hepburn’s sparkling old-guy chemistry experiments, so let’s make do with a gracefully aged Cary Grant, in a movie that makes the most of their generational gap, as Grant plays a charming man who’s hard to pin down; his identity keeps shifting as he helps her through a money-chasing caper caused by the murdered husband she was planning to divorce. There are a lot of fantasies, on screen and in life, about people getting swept off their feet; even as a Hitchcock-lite-style entertainment (the actual director is regular Hepburn collaborator Stanley Donen), Charade understands how the potential disorientation can and should be part of the fun.In the mood for decades-spanning love: The Way We Were (1973)Many of the most famous big-screen love stories of the 1970s tend to be sadder and more self-consciously weightier than their more effervescent counterparts from the 1950s and 1960s. The Way We Were is straight melodrama, but its long-range romance, following the ups and downs of a try-hard (Barbra Streisand) and a golden boy (Robert Redford), has surprising weight—maybe because it’s only in retrospect that their relationship looks like one long breakup that neither of them are fully committed to executing. Hollywood romances love to show people overcoming their differences in personality, background, and/or life goals to simply make it work by sheer force of narrative will. So it’s a little jarring, yet maybe also weirdly comforting, to watch a pair of megawatt stars ultimately unable to do.In the mood for young love: Say Anything (1989)Here’s a little secret about John Hughes: A lot of his celebrated teen movies are romantic comedies, and a lot of them, to use some probably-outdated teenage parlance, suck ass. Obviously that’s an oversimplification, but as romantic comedies, it’s hard to compare a movie like Pretty in Pink to one like Cameron Crowe’s Say Anything, an unusually perceptive and well-balanced love story between the class brain “Diane Court, whoa” (Ione Skye) and the earnest, persistent eccentric Lloyd Dobler (John Cusack), a good-hearted teenager who doesn’t want to buy anything sold or processed (and so forth) as a career. It’s hard to make a good love story about teenagers on the verge of graduating high school, because does anyone ever really believe that they’re going to stay together longer than a few more months? Say Anything is about those very doubts, which it exacerbates by playing up Lloyd and Diane’s differences, before chasing them away with a final shot that’s like an optimist’s flip of The Graduate—a romantic gesture no one ever knew they needed until Crowe cooked it up.In the mood for cross-cultural love: Mississippi Masala (1991)Mira Nair’s tender, sexy romance is about Mina (Sarita Choudhury), an Indian-American who feels at home in her Mississippi community, falling in love with Demeterius (Denzel Washington), a local charmer whose Blackness bothers Mina’s parents (just as his family resists his interest in an Indian-American girl). But it’s also about forging a complicated relationship between your heritage and your day-to-day life as it’s actually lived, and whether those aspects of yourself can be reconciled. If it sounds heady, keep in mind how absolutely smoking hot Choudhury and Washington are—and how Nair has a talent for teasing these conflicts out from a sense of place that’s too rare in glossy movie romances.In the mood for costumed, bittersweet love: Shakespeare in Love (1998)For years it took undeserved flak for beating out Saving Private Ryan in the Best Picture category at that year’s Academy Awards, a kind of manufactured boys-like-this/girls-like-that conflict entirely unfair to a movie that deserved more love for bringing the oft-disreputable rom-com genre to the top Oscar for the first time since Annie Hall. Granted, Shakespeare in Love has the costume-heavy biopic angle, but, gloriously, the biography is entirely made up, with Joseph Fiennes playing a tortured artist who lights up at the sight of his temporary muse (Gwyneth Paltrow). Their final scene together is one for the ages.In the mood for musical love: Moulin Rouge! (2001)It’s genuinely sort of difficult to find a musical without some sort of accompanying love story, but Moulin Rouge! has perhaps the least perfunctory musical love story of all time, because its entire reason for being is wrapped up in trying to communicate passionate, heedless, ridiculous love through song—in making the act of bursting into song seem revolutionary in its boldness and noble in its honesty. Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman, perfectly matched as performers whose acting-first ability to emote openly informs their nonprofessional but deeply charming singing, lead an uncynical hit parade, frequently turning dross into gold. They capture what it feels like for a pop song (even or especially one that’s kind of stupid) to leap into your (stupid) soul. Baz Luhrmann stages every musical number with a phantasmagorical understanding of the overlapping language of film, theater, pop music, and music video—a reminder that you can fall in love with forms as well as people.In the mood for science-fiction love: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)“Today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap.” It wasn’t an original sentiment 20 years ago, yet it opens probably the best Valentine’s Day movie ever made, as Joel (Jim Carrey) boards a train to Montauk on February 14th. There he meets Clementine (Kate Winslet) for the first time—or does he? Michel Gondry and Charlie Kaufman’s tricky sci-fi classic about a firm that offers to erase people from each other’s memories recontextualizes the stormy Joel/Clementine relationship throughout the movie. By the end, the film’s Valentine’s Day opening will strike you as deeply romantic, frighteningly doomed, or gently hopeful, depending on where you’re coming from. It’s the perfect sci-fi romance, where big what-if questions about humanity are inseparable from intimate questions about our relationships—and equally unanswerable.In the mood for honest love: Obvious Child (2014)When Donna (Jenny Slate), a stand-up comic reeling from a break-up, gets pregnant from a one-night rebound, she seeks out an abortion. The clinic has two available dates: her mom’s birthday, and Valentine’s Day. She chooses Valentine’s Day, which instantly throws Gillian Robespierre’s comedy into the top tier of movies set at least in part on the actual holiday. But Obvious Child doesn’t register as a performatively anti-Valentine’s provocation; it’s just a movie where a woman gets an abortion, and the real obstacles between her and a potential love interest come from herself, not her procedure. As a rom-com with a shot of genuine strife, Obvious Child has a terrific command of its small scope, paying particular attention to the rocky, fumbling early days of a relationship, and preserving whatever comes next for the characters to discover themselves.In the mood for questioning love: Straight Up (2020)Circling back to screwball for a more contemporary sensibility: This precisely staged and rapid-fire indie concerns a slightly squeamish young man (writer-director James Sweeney) who has always assumed he was gay embarking upon a not-quite-platonic relationship with a sardonic young woman (Katie Findlay) who’s fine with a chaste, experimental form of romance. Rather than constructing an uncomfortable conversion narrative or a dorm-room thought experiment, Sweeney comes up with a gently pressing, and at times achingly funny, investigation into sexuality, identity, and flexibility, all orchestrated with a dazzling eye for blocking, a keen ear for banter, and enormous sensitivity from the two leads, who carry multiple long two-hander scenes so deftly that they feel romantic—whether or not sex enters the picture.Bonus selection for those not remotely in the mood: Valentine (2001)There are a lot of holiday-themed horror movies, many of them winkingly cynical, but it’s rare to find one so thoroughly poisonous without a particular satirical target in mind. Valentine was the last gasp of first-wave Scream imitators, and as a slasher-centric murder mystery, it’s slickly unscary and nonsensical. As a demented piece of turn-of-the-century sociology, however, it is invaluable. It follows the ramifications of sixth-grade bullying into purported adulthood, as a spurned geek appears to be picking off a group of middle-school besties one by one. All of these supposed twentysomethings (including Denise Richards and future rom-com queen Katherine Heigl) are written as if by sixth-graders imagining grown-up life, where people with full-time jobs and apartments still attend Valentine’s Day parties at the rich girl’s house. Coexisting with this bizarre playacting is a more adult (if still inarticulate) sense of romantic dissatisfaction, placing the characters in an endless and grotesque meat-market hell of misplaced male intensity – and that’s before they start getting stabbed to death. Nia Vardalos may cutely claim to hate Valentine’s Day, but this is the V-Day picture with true loathing in its heart. Source link
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If you can believe it, there are even fewer good movies genuinely set on Valentine’s Day than there are on not-exactly-movie-genic holidays Thanksgiving and New Year’s. Maybe it’s because of the ways courtship (and therefore romantic movies, and the holiday itself) changed over the course of the 20th Century, or maybe because—unlike setting a romantic movie over Christmas—placing your romantic comedy or drama specifically on Valentine’s Day feels too much like a hat on a hat. In contemporary times, maybe the vicious one-two punch of I Hate Valentine’s Day (2009, Nia Vardalos) and Valentine’s Day (2010, Garry Marshall) scared filmmakers off the date for good. Of course, there are plenty of romance movies that will do the trick as Valentine’s Day movies —so many, in fact, that sifting through all of them can become overwhelming even before you take into account the flood of options available at the click of a button across so many streaming channels.The upside is that within that flood, you may be able to find a romantic movie for whatever sub-mood you’re in—and that movie could even be a great one, if you follow this handy guide. Because the aim here is not just to find you a good-enough rom-com to inspire a halfhearted press of “play” once you and your date/partner/hookup are too tired to keep searching. No, let’s get you a couch-date movie (or, if you’re lucky enough to have a varied and semi-adventurous rep scene, outside-world-date movie) that’s truly, cinematically excellent.The following thirteen romances attempt to avoid the blatantly lopsided, the overtly problematic, and the movies where you have to just go with it to get to the kissing. Not because it’s wrong to enjoy a lopsided, problematic, age-gapped, power-imbalanced, potentially unhealthy just-get-to-the-kissing romance, of course—some of the best romantic movies ever made fit that description. But you also deserve a romantic night at the movies—whether wholly delightful or bittersweet—without an asterisk like “it’s great if you half-ignore Andie MacDowell.” Plus, I’m assuming you’ve seen, or at least understand that you should see, bona fide all-time classics like It Happened One Night or The Philadelphia Story. As such, nothing from the AFI Top 100 will be included here. (Some of them are on the more specialized AFI 100 Passions list, because otherwise that’s a lot of passions to dismiss.)Some of these are wholly comic, some of them are deeply sad, and some of them (well, one of them) involves potential murder via giant cat—which is to say, there’s something for almost any film fan. A few of them even take place on or around Valentine’s Day.In the mood for screwball love: My Man Godfrey (1936)The influence of screwball comedies on modern rom-coms is so pervasive that it’s also become watered-down over the years, so a straight shot of the real thing can be bracing. My Man Godfrey has a romance between a down-on-his-luck “forgotten man” (William Powell) and the well-meaning younger daughter (Carole Lombard) of a rich family, but it’s less of a romance than the likes of His Girl Friday or The Philadelphia Story (and, not to be unkind, a bit more sophisticated than the animal antics of Bringing Up Baby), while still serving up a delightful romantic give-and-take en route to a happy ending. My Man Godfrey has everything you want out of a Depression-era screwball rom-com: Hoovervilles, flighty rich people, short-suffering butlers, dizzy infatuation, and escape from economic despair. In a perfectly screwy touch, Powell and Lombard were married—but split up years before making the movie together.In the mood for larcenous love: The Lady Eve (1941)Aren’t a lot of relationships built on some sort of con or another? The Lady Eve, a gem from Preston Sturges, simply makes that explicit, as con woman Jean Harrington (Barbara Stanwyck) targets Charles Pike (Henry Fonda), only to fall in love with him—and then, when he gets wise to her initial scheme, attempts revenge via an even more outlandish plot. Stanwyck often played tougher and/or sultrier roles than more frequent rom-com performers, which makes her commitment to her character’s criminal lifestyle in The Lady Eve both more believable and even funnier. For that matter, the star of The Ox-Bow Incident and Young Mr. Lincoln doesn’t exactly scream “zany,” either, yet Fonda pairs perfectly with Stanwyck in this fast-paced and ultimately pretty sexy material. This, too, makes sense: Acting can also be a beautiful con. (Sturges was on a roll here; his screwball rom-com from the following year, The Palm Beach Story, is also terrific.)In the mood for scary love: Cat People (1942)You could make a whole list of gothic and monster-related love stories, but Cat People deserves a nod for the degree to which it allows love, lust, and animal instinct to intertwine—all in a story that centers a shapeshifting woman (Simone Simon) who lives in fear of being overtaken by her fearsome desire. Now that the idea of a “cat lady” has been introduced, popularized, and in some cases reclaimed by the culture at large, the idea of a woman who becomes a cat—untamed by mere marriage, stalking and attempting to destroy her perceived romantic rivals—has only gotten kickier and more subversive. 40 years later, in 1982, the demise of the production code and the existence of Paul Schrader would make possible an even-lustier remake, complete with a killer David Bowie theme song. And for that matter, Michelle Pfeiffer’s definitive big-screen Catwoman in Batman Returns probably owes more than a little to this Val Lewton classic as well.In the mood for adventurous love: Charade (1963)OK, I lied about the age-gap thing: This is one. Look, it’s damn hard to find a charming Audrey Hepburn romance that doesn’t pair her with a significantly older leading-man star of slightly before her time, whether it’s Fred Astaire in Funny Face, Rex Harrison in My Fair Lady, or Gregory Peck in Roman Holiday. (She’s perfectly age-matched in Breakfast at Tiffany’s, but that one is really more of a solo showcase for her than it is a transporting romance.) At the same time, it’s damn harder to not include one of Hepburn’s sparkling old-guy chemistry experiments, so let’s make do with a gracefully aged Cary Grant, in a movie that makes the most of their generational gap, as Grant plays a charming man who’s hard to pin down; his identity keeps shifting as he helps her through a money-chasing caper caused by the murdered husband she was planning to divorce. There are a lot of fantasies, on screen and in life, about people getting swept off their feet; even as a Hitchcock-lite-style entertainment (the actual director is regular Hepburn collaborator Stanley Donen), Charade understands how the potential disorientation can and should be part of the fun.In the mood for decades-spanning love: The Way We Were (1973)Many of the most famous big-screen love stories of the 1970s tend to be sadder and more self-consciously weightier than their more effervescent counterparts from the 1950s and 1960s. The Way We Were is straight melodrama, but its long-range romance, following the ups and downs of a try-hard (Barbra Streisand) and a golden boy (Robert Redford), has surprising weight—maybe because it’s only in retrospect that their relationship looks like one long breakup that neither of them are fully committed to executing. Hollywood romances love to show people overcoming their differences in personality, background, and/or life goals to simply make it work by sheer force of narrative will. So it’s a little jarring, yet maybe also weirdly comforting, to watch a pair of megawatt stars ultimately unable to do.In the mood for young love: Say Anything (1989)Here’s a little secret about John Hughes: A lot of his celebrated teen movies are romantic comedies, and a lot of them, to use some probably-outdated teenage parlance, suck ass. Obviously that’s an oversimplification, but as romantic comedies, it’s hard to compare a movie like Pretty in Pink to one like Cameron Crowe’s Say Anything, an unusually perceptive and well-balanced love story between the class brain “Diane Court, whoa” (Ione Skye) and the earnest, persistent eccentric Lloyd Dobler (John Cusack), a good-hearted teenager who doesn’t want to buy anything sold or processed (and so forth) as a career. It’s hard to make a good love story about teenagers on the verge of graduating high school, because does anyone ever really believe that they’re going to stay together longer than a few more months? Say Anything is about those very doubts, which it exacerbates by playing up Lloyd and Diane’s differences, before chasing them away with a final shot that’s like an optimist’s flip of The Graduate—a romantic gesture no one ever knew they needed until Crowe cooked it up.In the mood for cross-cultural love: Mississippi Masala (1991)Mira Nair’s tender, sexy romance is about Mina (Sarita Choudhury), an Indian-American who feels at home in her Mississippi community, falling in love with Demeterius (Denzel Washington), a local charmer whose Blackness bothers Mina’s parents (just as his family resists his interest in an Indian-American girl). But it’s also about forging a complicated relationship between your heritage and your day-to-day life as it’s actually lived, and whether those aspects of yourself can be reconciled. If it sounds heady, keep in mind how absolutely smoking hot Choudhury and Washington are—and how Nair has a talent for teasing these conflicts out from a sense of place that’s too rare in glossy movie romances.In the mood for costumed, bittersweet love: Shakespeare in Love (1998)For years it took undeserved flak for beating out Saving Private Ryan in the Best Picture category at that year’s Academy Awards, a kind of manufactured boys-like-this/girls-like-that conflict entirely unfair to a movie that deserved more love for bringing the oft-disreputable rom-com genre to the top Oscar for the first time since Annie Hall. Granted, Shakespeare in Love has the costume-heavy biopic angle, but, gloriously, the biography is entirely made up, with Joseph Fiennes playing a tortured artist who lights up at the sight of his temporary muse (Gwyneth Paltrow). Their final scene together is one for the ages.In the mood for musical love: Moulin Rouge! (2001)It’s genuinely sort of difficult to find a musical without some sort of accompanying love story, but Moulin Rouge! has perhaps the least perfunctory musical love story of all time, because its entire reason for being is wrapped up in trying to communicate passionate, heedless, ridiculous love through song—in making the act of bursting into song seem revolutionary in its boldness and noble in its honesty. Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman, perfectly matched as performers whose acting-first ability to emote openly informs their nonprofessional but deeply charming singing, lead an uncynical hit parade, frequently turning dross into gold. They capture what it feels like for a pop song (even or especially one that’s kind of stupid) to leap into your (stupid) soul. Baz Luhrmann stages every musical number with a phantasmagorical understanding of the overlapping language of film, theater, pop music, and music video—a reminder that you can fall in love with forms as well as people.In the mood for science-fiction love: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)“Today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap.” It wasn’t an original sentiment 20 years ago, yet it opens probably the best Valentine’s Day movie ever made, as Joel (Jim Carrey) boards a train to Montauk on February 14th. There he meets Clementine (Kate Winslet) for the first time—or does he? Michel Gondry and Charlie Kaufman’s tricky sci-fi classic about a firm that offers to erase people from each other’s memories recontextualizes the stormy Joel/Clementine relationship throughout the movie. By the end, the film’s Valentine’s Day opening will strike you as deeply romantic, frighteningly doomed, or gently hopeful, depending on where you’re coming from. It’s the perfect sci-fi romance, where big what-if questions about humanity are inseparable from intimate questions about our relationships—and equally unanswerable.In the mood for honest love: Obvious Child (2014)When Donna (Jenny Slate), a stand-up comic reeling from a break-up, gets pregnant from a one-night rebound, she seeks out an abortion. The clinic has two available dates: her mom’s birthday, and Valentine’s Day. She chooses Valentine’s Day, which instantly throws Gillian Robespierre’s comedy into the top tier of movies set at least in part on the actual holiday. But Obvious Child doesn’t register as a performatively anti-Valentine’s provocation; it’s just a movie where a woman gets an abortion, and the real obstacles between her and a potential love interest come from herself, not her procedure. As a rom-com with a shot of genuine strife, Obvious Child has a terrific command of its small scope, paying particular attention to the rocky, fumbling early days of a relationship, and preserving whatever comes next for the characters to discover themselves.In the mood for questioning love: Straight Up (2020)Circling back to screwball for a more contemporary sensibility: This precisely staged and rapid-fire indie concerns a slightly squeamish young man (writer-director James Sweeney) who has always assumed he was gay embarking upon a not-quite-platonic relationship with a sardonic young woman (Katie Findlay) who’s fine with a chaste, experimental form of romance. Rather than constructing an uncomfortable conversion narrative or a dorm-room thought experiment, Sweeney comes up with a gently pressing, and at times achingly funny, investigation into sexuality, identity, and flexibility, all orchestrated with a dazzling eye for blocking, a keen ear for banter, and enormous sensitivity from the two leads, who carry multiple long two-hander scenes so deftly that they feel romantic—whether or not sex enters the picture.Bonus selection for those not remotely in the mood: Valentine (2001)There are a lot of holiday-themed horror movies, many of them winkingly cynical, but it’s rare to find one so thoroughly poisonous without a particular satirical target in mind. Valentine was the last gasp of first-wave Scream imitators, and as a slasher-centric murder mystery, it’s slickly unscary and nonsensical. As a demented piece of turn-of-the-century sociology, however, it is invaluable. It follows the ramifications of sixth-grade bullying into purported adulthood, as a spurned geek appears to be picking off a group of middle-school besties one by one. All of these supposed twentysomethings (including Denise Richards and future rom-com queen Katherine Heigl) are written as if by sixth-graders imagining grown-up life, where people with full-time jobs and apartments still attend Valentine’s Day parties at the rich girl’s house. Coexisting with this bizarre playacting is a more adult (if still inarticulate) sense of romantic dissatisfaction, placing the characters in an endless and grotesque meat-market hell of misplaced male intensity – and that’s before they start getting stabbed to death. Nia Vardalos may cutely claim to hate Valentine’s Day, but this is the V-Day picture with true loathing in its heart. Source link
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If you can believe it, there are even fewer good movies genuinely set on Valentine’s Day than there are on not-exactly-movie-genic holidays Thanksgiving and New Year’s. Maybe it’s because of the ways courtship (and therefore romantic movies, and the holiday itself) changed over the course of the 20th Century, or maybe because—unlike setting a romantic movie over Christmas—placing your romantic comedy or drama specifically on Valentine’s Day feels too much like a hat on a hat. In contemporary times, maybe the vicious one-two punch of I Hate Valentine’s Day (2009, Nia Vardalos) and Valentine’s Day (2010, Garry Marshall) scared filmmakers off the date for good. Of course, there are plenty of romance movies that will do the trick as Valentine’s Day movies —so many, in fact, that sifting through all of them can become overwhelming even before you take into account the flood of options available at the click of a button across so many streaming channels.The upside is that within that flood, you may be able to find a romantic movie for whatever sub-mood you’re in—and that movie could even be a great one, if you follow this handy guide. Because the aim here is not just to find you a good-enough rom-com to inspire a halfhearted press of “play” once you and your date/partner/hookup are too tired to keep searching. No, let’s get you a couch-date movie (or, if you’re lucky enough to have a varied and semi-adventurous rep scene, outside-world-date movie) that’s truly, cinematically excellent.The following thirteen romances attempt to avoid the blatantly lopsided, the overtly problematic, and the movies where you have to just go with it to get to the kissing. Not because it’s wrong to enjoy a lopsided, problematic, age-gapped, power-imbalanced, potentially unhealthy just-get-to-the-kissing romance, of course—some of the best romantic movies ever made fit that description. But you also deserve a romantic night at the movies—whether wholly delightful or bittersweet—without an asterisk like “it’s great if you half-ignore Andie MacDowell.” Plus, I’m assuming you’ve seen, or at least understand that you should see, bona fide all-time classics like It Happened One Night or The Philadelphia Story. As such, nothing from the AFI Top 100 will be included here. (Some of them are on the more specialized AFI 100 Passions list, because otherwise that’s a lot of passions to dismiss.)Some of these are wholly comic, some of them are deeply sad, and some of them (well, one of them) involves potential murder via giant cat—which is to say, there’s something for almost any film fan. A few of them even take place on or around Valentine’s Day.In the mood for screwball love: My Man Godfrey (1936)The influence of screwball comedies on modern rom-coms is so pervasive that it’s also become watered-down over the years, so a straight shot of the real thing can be bracing. My Man Godfrey has a romance between a down-on-his-luck “forgotten man” (William Powell) and the well-meaning younger daughter (Carole Lombard) of a rich family, but it’s less of a romance than the likes of His Girl Friday or The Philadelphia Story (and, not to be unkind, a bit more sophisticated than the animal antics of Bringing Up Baby), while still serving up a delightful romantic give-and-take en route to a happy ending. My Man Godfrey has everything you want out of a Depression-era screwball rom-com: Hoovervilles, flighty rich people, short-suffering butlers, dizzy infatuation, and escape from economic despair. In a perfectly screwy touch, Powell and Lombard were married—but split up years before making the movie together.In the mood for larcenous love: The Lady Eve (1941)Aren’t a lot of relationships built on some sort of con or another? The Lady Eve, a gem from Preston Sturges, simply makes that explicit, as con woman Jean Harrington (Barbara Stanwyck) targets Charles Pike (Henry Fonda), only to fall in love with him—and then, when he gets wise to her initial scheme, attempts revenge via an even more outlandish plot. Stanwyck often played tougher and/or sultrier roles than more frequent rom-com performers, which makes her commitment to her character’s criminal lifestyle in The Lady Eve both more believable and even funnier. For that matter, the star of The Ox-Bow Incident and Young Mr. Lincoln doesn’t exactly scream “zany,” either, yet Fonda pairs perfectly with Stanwyck in this fast-paced and ultimately pretty sexy material. This, too, makes sense: Acting can also be a beautiful con. (Sturges was on a roll here; his screwball rom-com from the following year, The Palm Beach Story, is also terrific.)In the mood for scary love: Cat People (1942)You could make a whole list of gothic and monster-related love stories, but Cat People deserves a nod for the degree to which it allows love, lust, and animal instinct to intertwine—all in a story that centers a shapeshifting woman (Simone Simon) who lives in fear of being overtaken by her fearsome desire. Now that the idea of a “cat lady” has been introduced, popularized, and in some cases reclaimed by the culture at large, the idea of a woman who becomes a cat—untamed by mere marriage, stalking and attempting to destroy her perceived romantic rivals—has only gotten kickier and more subversive. 40 years later, in 1982, the demise of the production code and the existence of Paul Schrader would make possible an even-lustier remake, complete with a killer David Bowie theme song. And for that matter, Michelle Pfeiffer’s definitive big-screen Catwoman in Batman Returns probably owes more than a little to this Val Lewton classic as well.In the mood for adventurous love: Charade (1963)OK, I lied about the age-gap thing: This is one. Look, it’s damn hard to find a charming Audrey Hepburn romance that doesn’t pair her with a significantly older leading-man star of slightly before her time, whether it’s Fred Astaire in Funny Face, Rex Harrison in My Fair Lady, or Gregory Peck in Roman Holiday. (She’s perfectly age-matched in Breakfast at Tiffany’s, but that one is really more of a solo showcase for her than it is a transporting romance.) At the same time, it’s damn harder to not include one of Hepburn’s sparkling old-guy chemistry experiments, so let’s make do with a gracefully aged Cary Grant, in a movie that makes the most of their generational gap, as Grant plays a charming man who’s hard to pin down; his identity keeps shifting as he helps her through a money-chasing caper caused by the murdered husband she was planning to divorce. There are a lot of fantasies, on screen and in life, about people getting swept off their feet; even as a Hitchcock-lite-style entertainment (the actual director is regular Hepburn collaborator Stanley Donen), Charade understands how the potential disorientation can and should be part of the fun.In the mood for decades-spanning love: The Way We Were (1973)Many of the most famous big-screen love stories of the 1970s tend to be sadder and more self-consciously weightier than their more effervescent counterparts from the 1950s and 1960s. The Way We Were is straight melodrama, but its long-range romance, following the ups and downs of a try-hard (Barbra Streisand) and a golden boy (Robert Redford), has surprising weight—maybe because it’s only in retrospect that their relationship looks like one long breakup that neither of them are fully committed to executing. Hollywood romances love to show people overcoming their differences in personality, background, and/or life goals to simply make it work by sheer force of narrative will. So it’s a little jarring, yet maybe also weirdly comforting, to watch a pair of megawatt stars ultimately unable to do.In the mood for young love: Say Anything (1989)Here’s a little secret about John Hughes: A lot of his celebrated teen movies are romantic comedies, and a lot of them, to use some probably-outdated teenage parlance, suck ass. Obviously that’s an oversimplification, but as romantic comedies, it’s hard to compare a movie like Pretty in Pink to one like Cameron Crowe’s Say Anything, an unusually perceptive and well-balanced love story between the class brain “Diane Court, whoa” (Ione Skye) and the earnest, persistent eccentric Lloyd Dobler (John Cusack), a good-hearted teenager who doesn’t want to buy anything sold or processed (and so forth) as a career. It’s hard to make a good love story about teenagers on the verge of graduating high school, because does anyone ever really believe that they’re going to stay together longer than a few more months? Say Anything is about those very doubts, which it exacerbates by playing up Lloyd and Diane’s differences, before chasing them away with a final shot that’s like an optimist’s flip of The Graduate—a romantic gesture no one ever knew they needed until Crowe cooked it up.In the mood for cross-cultural love: Mississippi Masala (1991)Mira Nair’s tender, sexy romance is about Mina (Sarita Choudhury), an Indian-American who feels at home in her Mississippi community, falling in love with Demeterius (Denzel Washington), a local charmer whose Blackness bothers Mina’s parents (just as his family resists his interest in an Indian-American girl). But it’s also about forging a complicated relationship between your heritage and your day-to-day life as it’s actually lived, and whether those aspects of yourself can be reconciled. If it sounds heady, keep in mind how absolutely smoking hot Choudhury and Washington are—and how Nair has a talent for teasing these conflicts out from a sense of place that’s too rare in glossy movie romances.In the mood for costumed, bittersweet love: Shakespeare in Love (1998)For years it took undeserved flak for beating out Saving Private Ryan in the Best Picture category at that year’s Academy Awards, a kind of manufactured boys-like-this/girls-like-that conflict entirely unfair to a movie that deserved more love for bringing the oft-disreputable rom-com genre to the top Oscar for the first time since Annie Hall. Granted, Shakespeare in Love has the costume-heavy biopic angle, but, gloriously, the biography is entirely made up, with Joseph Fiennes playing a tortured artist who lights up at the sight of his temporary muse (Gwyneth Paltrow). Their final scene together is one for the ages.In the mood for musical love: Moulin Rouge! (2001)It’s genuinely sort of difficult to find a musical without some sort of accompanying love story, but Moulin Rouge! has perhaps the least perfunctory musical love story of all time, because its entire reason for being is wrapped up in trying to communicate passionate, heedless, ridiculous love through song—in making the act of bursting into song seem revolutionary in its boldness and noble in its honesty. Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman, perfectly matched as performers whose acting-first ability to emote openly informs their nonprofessional but deeply charming singing, lead an uncynical hit parade, frequently turning dross into gold. They capture what it feels like for a pop song (even or especially one that’s kind of stupid) to leap into your (stupid) soul. Baz Luhrmann stages every musical number with a phantasmagorical understanding of the overlapping language of film, theater, pop music, and music video—a reminder that you can fall in love with forms as well as people.In the mood for science-fiction love: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)“Today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap.” It wasn’t an original sentiment 20 years ago, yet it opens probably the best Valentine’s Day movie ever made, as Joel (Jim Carrey) boards a train to Montauk on February 14th. There he meets Clementine (Kate Winslet) for the first time—or does he? Michel Gondry and Charlie Kaufman’s tricky sci-fi classic about a firm that offers to erase people from each other’s memories recontextualizes the stormy Joel/Clementine relationship throughout the movie. By the end, the film’s Valentine’s Day opening will strike you as deeply romantic, frighteningly doomed, or gently hopeful, depending on where you’re coming from. It’s the perfect sci-fi romance, where big what-if questions about humanity are inseparable from intimate questions about our relationships—and equally unanswerable.In the mood for honest love: Obvious Child (2014)When Donna (Jenny Slate), a stand-up comic reeling from a break-up, gets pregnant from a one-night rebound, she seeks out an abortion. The clinic has two available dates: her mom’s birthday, and Valentine’s Day. She chooses Valentine’s Day, which instantly throws Gillian Robespierre’s comedy into the top tier of movies set at least in part on the actual holiday. But Obvious Child doesn’t register as a performatively anti-Valentine’s provocation; it’s just a movie where a woman gets an abortion, and the real obstacles between her and a potential love interest come from herself, not her procedure. As a rom-com with a shot of genuine strife, Obvious Child has a terrific command of its small scope, paying particular attention to the rocky, fumbling early days of a relationship, and preserving whatever comes next for the characters to discover themselves.In the mood for questioning love: Straight Up (2020)Circling back to screwball for a more contemporary sensibility: This precisely staged and rapid-fire indie concerns a slightly squeamish young man (writer-director James Sweeney) who has always assumed he was gay embarking upon a not-quite-platonic relationship with a sardonic young woman (Katie Findlay) who’s fine with a chaste, experimental form of romance. Rather than constructing an uncomfortable conversion narrative or a dorm-room thought experiment, Sweeney comes up with a gently pressing, and at times achingly funny, investigation into sexuality, identity, and flexibility, all orchestrated with a dazzling eye for blocking, a keen ear for banter, and enormous sensitivity from the two leads, who carry multiple long two-hander scenes so deftly that they feel romantic—whether or not sex enters the picture.Bonus selection for those not remotely in the mood: Valentine (2001)There are a lot of holiday-themed horror movies, many of them winkingly cynical, but it’s rare to find one so thoroughly poisonous without a particular satirical target in mind. Valentine was the last gasp of first-wave Scream imitators, and as a slasher-centric murder mystery, it’s slickly unscary and nonsensical. As a demented piece of turn-of-the-century sociology, however, it is invaluable. It follows the ramifications of sixth-grade bullying into purported adulthood, as a spurned geek appears to be picking off a group of middle-school besties one by one. All of these supposed twentysomethings (including Denise Richards and future rom-com queen Katherine Heigl) are written as if by sixth-graders imagining grown-up life, where people with full-time jobs and apartments still attend Valentine’s Day parties at the rich girl’s house. Coexisting with this bizarre playacting is a more adult (if still inarticulate) sense of romantic dissatisfaction, placing the characters in an endless and grotesque meat-market hell of misplaced male intensity – and that’s before they start getting stabbed to death. Nia Vardalos may cutely claim to hate Valentine’s Day, but this is the V-Day picture with true loathing in its heart. Source link
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If you can believe it, there are even fewer good movies genuinely set on Valentine’s Day than there are on not-exactly-movie-genic holidays Thanksgiving and New Year’s. Maybe it’s because of the ways courtship (and therefore romantic movies, and the holiday itself) changed over the course of the 20th Century, or maybe because—unlike setting a romantic movie over Christmas—placing your romantic comedy or drama specifically on Valentine’s Day feels too much like a hat on a hat. In contemporary times, maybe the vicious one-two punch of I Hate Valentine’s Day (2009, Nia Vardalos) and Valentine’s Day (2010, Garry Marshall) scared filmmakers off the date for good. Of course, there are plenty of romance movies that will do the trick as Valentine’s Day movies —so many, in fact, that sifting through all of them can become overwhelming even before you take into account the flood of options available at the click of a button across so many streaming channels.The upside is that within that flood, you may be able to find a romantic movie for whatever sub-mood you’re in—and that movie could even be a great one, if you follow this handy guide. Because the aim here is not just to find you a good-enough rom-com to inspire a halfhearted press of “play” once you and your date/partner/hookup are too tired to keep searching. No, let’s get you a couch-date movie (or, if you’re lucky enough to have a varied and semi-adventurous rep scene, outside-world-date movie) that’s truly, cinematically excellent.The following thirteen romances attempt to avoid the blatantly lopsided, the overtly problematic, and the movies where you have to just go with it to get to the kissing. Not because it’s wrong to enjoy a lopsided, problematic, age-gapped, power-imbalanced, potentially unhealthy just-get-to-the-kissing romance, of course—some of the best romantic movies ever made fit that description. But you also deserve a romantic night at the movies—whether wholly delightful or bittersweet—without an asterisk like “it’s great if you half-ignore Andie MacDowell.” Plus, I’m assuming you’ve seen, or at least understand that you should see, bona fide all-time classics like It Happened One Night or The Philadelphia Story. As such, nothing from the AFI Top 100 will be included here. (Some of them are on the more specialized AFI 100 Passions list, because otherwise that’s a lot of passions to dismiss.)Some of these are wholly comic, some of them are deeply sad, and some of them (well, one of them) involves potential murder via giant cat—which is to say, there’s something for almost any film fan. A few of them even take place on or around Valentine’s Day.In the mood for screwball love: My Man Godfrey (1936)The influence of screwball comedies on modern rom-coms is so pervasive that it’s also become watered-down over the years, so a straight shot of the real thing can be bracing. My Man Godfrey has a romance between a down-on-his-luck “forgotten man” (William Powell) and the well-meaning younger daughter (Carole Lombard) of a rich family, but it’s less of a romance than the likes of His Girl Friday or The Philadelphia Story (and, not to be unkind, a bit more sophisticated than the animal antics of Bringing Up Baby), while still serving up a delightful romantic give-and-take en route to a happy ending. My Man Godfrey has everything you want out of a Depression-era screwball rom-com: Hoovervilles, flighty rich people, short-suffering butlers, dizzy infatuation, and escape from economic despair. In a perfectly screwy touch, Powell and Lombard were married—but split up years before making the movie together.In the mood for larcenous love: The Lady Eve (1941)Aren’t a lot of relationships built on some sort of con or another? The Lady Eve, a gem from Preston Sturges, simply makes that explicit, as con woman Jean Harrington (Barbara Stanwyck) targets Charles Pike (Henry Fonda), only to fall in love with him—and then, when he gets wise to her initial scheme, attempts revenge via an even more outlandish plot. Stanwyck often played tougher and/or sultrier roles than more frequent rom-com performers, which makes her commitment to her character’s criminal lifestyle in The Lady Eve both more believable and even funnier. For that matter, the star of The Ox-Bow Incident and Young Mr. Lincoln doesn’t exactly scream “zany,” either, yet Fonda pairs perfectly with Stanwyck in this fast-paced and ultimately pretty sexy material. This, too, makes sense: Acting can also be a beautiful con. (Sturges was on a roll here; his screwball rom-com from the following year, The Palm Beach Story, is also terrific.)In the mood for scary love: Cat People (1942)You could make a whole list of gothic and monster-related love stories, but Cat People deserves a nod for the degree to which it allows love, lust, and animal instinct to intertwine—all in a story that centers a shapeshifting woman (Simone Simon) who lives in fear of being overtaken by her fearsome desire. Now that the idea of a “cat lady” has been introduced, popularized, and in some cases reclaimed by the culture at large, the idea of a woman who becomes a cat—untamed by mere marriage, stalking and attempting to destroy her perceived romantic rivals—has only gotten kickier and more subversive. 40 years later, in 1982, the demise of the production code and the existence of Paul Schrader would make possible an even-lustier remake, complete with a killer David Bowie theme song. And for that matter, Michelle Pfeiffer’s definitive big-screen Catwoman in Batman Returns probably owes more than a little to this Val Lewton classic as well.In the mood for adventurous love: Charade (1963)OK, I lied about the age-gap thing: This is one. Look, it’s damn hard to find a charming Audrey Hepburn romance that doesn’t pair her with a significantly older leading-man star of slightly before her time, whether it’s Fred Astaire in Funny Face, Rex Harrison in My Fair Lady, or Gregory Peck in Roman Holiday. (She’s perfectly age-matched in Breakfast at Tiffany’s, but that one is really more of a solo showcase for her than it is a transporting romance.) At the same time, it’s damn harder to not include one of Hepburn’s sparkling old-guy chemistry experiments, so let’s make do with a gracefully aged Cary Grant, in a movie that makes the most of their generational gap, as Grant plays a charming man who’s hard to pin down; his identity keeps shifting as he helps her through a money-chasing caper caused by the murdered husband she was planning to divorce. There are a lot of fantasies, on screen and in life, about people getting swept off their feet; even as a Hitchcock-lite-style entertainment (the actual director is regular Hepburn collaborator Stanley Donen), Charade understands how the potential disorientation can and should be part of the fun.In the mood for decades-spanning love: The Way We Were (1973)Many of the most famous big-screen love stories of the 1970s tend to be sadder and more self-consciously weightier than their more effervescent counterparts from the 1950s and 1960s. The Way We Were is straight melodrama, but its long-range romance, following the ups and downs of a try-hard (Barbra Streisand) and a golden boy (Robert Redford), has surprising weight—maybe because it’s only in retrospect that their relationship looks like one long breakup that neither of them are fully committed to executing. Hollywood romances love to show people overcoming their differences in personality, background, and/or life goals to simply make it work by sheer force of narrative will. So it’s a little jarring, yet maybe also weirdly comforting, to watch a pair of megawatt stars ultimately unable to do.In the mood for young love: Say Anything (1989)Here’s a little secret about John Hughes: A lot of his celebrated teen movies are romantic comedies, and a lot of them, to use some probably-outdated teenage parlance, suck ass. Obviously that’s an oversimplification, but as romantic comedies, it’s hard to compare a movie like Pretty in Pink to one like Cameron Crowe’s Say Anything, an unusually perceptive and well-balanced love story between the class brain “Diane Court, whoa” (Ione Skye) and the earnest, persistent eccentric Lloyd Dobler (John Cusack), a good-hearted teenager who doesn’t want to buy anything sold or processed (and so forth) as a career. It’s hard to make a good love story about teenagers on the verge of graduating high school, because does anyone ever really believe that they’re going to stay together longer than a few more months? Say Anything is about those very doubts, which it exacerbates by playing up Lloyd and Diane’s differences, before chasing them away with a final shot that’s like an optimist’s flip of The Graduate—a romantic gesture no one ever knew they needed until Crowe cooked it up.In the mood for cross-cultural love: Mississippi Masala (1991)Mira Nair’s tender, sexy romance is about Mina (Sarita Choudhury), an Indian-American who feels at home in her Mississippi community, falling in love with Demeterius (Denzel Washington), a local charmer whose Blackness bothers Mina’s parents (just as his family resists his interest in an Indian-American girl). But it’s also about forging a complicated relationship between your heritage and your day-to-day life as it’s actually lived, and whether those aspects of yourself can be reconciled. If it sounds heady, keep in mind how absolutely smoking hot Choudhury and Washington are—and how Nair has a talent for teasing these conflicts out from a sense of place that’s too rare in glossy movie romances.In the mood for costumed, bittersweet love: Shakespeare in Love (1998)For years it took undeserved flak for beating out Saving Private Ryan in the Best Picture category at that year’s Academy Awards, a kind of manufactured boys-like-this/girls-like-that conflict entirely unfair to a movie that deserved more love for bringing the oft-disreputable rom-com genre to the top Oscar for the first time since Annie Hall. Granted, Shakespeare in Love has the costume-heavy biopic angle, but, gloriously, the biography is entirely made up, with Joseph Fiennes playing a tortured artist who lights up at the sight of his temporary muse (Gwyneth Paltrow). Their final scene together is one for the ages.In the mood for musical love: Moulin Rouge! (2001)It’s genuinely sort of difficult to find a musical without some sort of accompanying love story, but Moulin Rouge! has perhaps the least perfunctory musical love story of all time, because its entire reason for being is wrapped up in trying to communicate passionate, heedless, ridiculous love through song—in making the act of bursting into song seem revolutionary in its boldness and noble in its honesty. Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman, perfectly matched as performers whose acting-first ability to emote openly informs their nonprofessional but deeply charming singing, lead an uncynical hit parade, frequently turning dross into gold. They capture what it feels like for a pop song (even or especially one that’s kind of stupid) to leap into your (stupid) soul. Baz Luhrmann stages every musical number with a phantasmagorical understanding of the overlapping language of film, theater, pop music, and music video—a reminder that you can fall in love with forms as well as people.In the mood for science-fiction love: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)“Today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap.” It wasn’t an original sentiment 20 years ago, yet it opens probably the best Valentine’s Day movie ever made, as Joel (Jim Carrey) boards a train to Montauk on February 14th. There he meets Clementine (Kate Winslet) for the first time—or does he? Michel Gondry and Charlie Kaufman’s tricky sci-fi classic about a firm that offers to erase people from each other’s memories recontextualizes the stormy Joel/Clementine relationship throughout the movie. By the end, the film’s Valentine’s Day opening will strike you as deeply romantic, frighteningly doomed, or gently hopeful, depending on where you’re coming from. It’s the perfect sci-fi romance, where big what-if questions about humanity are inseparable from intimate questions about our relationships—and equally unanswerable.In the mood for honest love: Obvious Child (2014)When Donna (Jenny Slate), a stand-up comic reeling from a break-up, gets pregnant from a one-night rebound, she seeks out an abortion. The clinic has two available dates: her mom’s birthday, and Valentine’s Day. She chooses Valentine’s Day, which instantly throws Gillian Robespierre’s comedy into the top tier of movies set at least in part on the actual holiday. But Obvious Child doesn’t register as a performatively anti-Valentine’s provocation; it’s just a movie where a woman gets an abortion, and the real obstacles between her and a potential love interest come from herself, not her procedure. As a rom-com with a shot of genuine strife, Obvious Child has a terrific command of its small scope, paying particular attention to the rocky, fumbling early days of a relationship, and preserving whatever comes next for the characters to discover themselves.In the mood for questioning love: Straight Up (2020)Circling back to screwball for a more contemporary sensibility: This precisely staged and rapid-fire indie concerns a slightly squeamish young man (writer-director James Sweeney) who has always assumed he was gay embarking upon a not-quite-platonic relationship with a sardonic young woman (Katie Findlay) who’s fine with a chaste, experimental form of romance. Rather than constructing an uncomfortable conversion narrative or a dorm-room thought experiment, Sweeney comes up with a gently pressing, and at times achingly funny, investigation into sexuality, identity, and flexibility, all orchestrated with a dazzling eye for blocking, a keen ear for banter, and enormous sensitivity from the two leads, who carry multiple long two-hander scenes so deftly that they feel romantic—whether or not sex enters the picture.Bonus selection for those not remotely in the mood: Valentine (2001)There are a lot of holiday-themed horror movies, many of them winkingly cynical, but it’s rare to find one so thoroughly poisonous without a particular satirical target in mind. Valentine was the last gasp of first-wave Scream imitators, and as a slasher-centric murder mystery, it’s slickly unscary and nonsensical. As a demented piece of turn-of-the-century sociology, however, it is invaluable. It follows the ramifications of sixth-grade bullying into purported adulthood, as a spurned geek appears to be picking off a group of middle-school besties one by one. All of these supposed twentysomethings (including Denise Richards and future rom-com queen Katherine Heigl) are written as if by sixth-graders imagining grown-up life, where people with full-time jobs and apartments still attend Valentine’s Day parties at the rich girl’s house. Coexisting with this bizarre playacting is a more adult (if still inarticulate) sense of romantic dissatisfaction, placing the characters in an endless and grotesque meat-market hell of misplaced male intensity – and that’s before they start getting stabbed to death. Nia Vardalos may cutely claim to hate Valentine’s Day, but this is the V-Day picture with true loathing in its heart. Source link
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Ray Milland and Carole Lombard in Mr. & Mrs. Smith (Alfred Hitchcock, 1941)
Cast: Carole Lombard, Robert Montgomery, Gene Raymond, Jack Carson, Philip Merivale, Lucile Watson, William Tracy, Charles Halton, Esther Dale. Screenplay: Norman Krasna. Cinematography: Harry Stradling Sr.. Art direction: Van Nest Polglase, Albert S. D'Agostino. Film editing: William Hamilton. Music: Edward Ward.
If Alfred Hitchcock's name were not attached to Mr. & Mrs. Smith, would we remember it at all today? Perhaps as one of the last films of Carole Lombard -- it was the last released before her death in January 1942, though the posthumously released To Be or Not to Be (Ernst Lubitsch, 1942) was the last one she completed filming. Or perhaps as one of the lesser examples of the romantic/screwball comedy genre that flourished in the 1930s and '40s. But even hardcore Hitchcockians find it difficult to fit it into the director's canon. Hitchcock had said he wanted to work with Lombard, and when Lombard liked Norman Krasna's story and screenplay, the teaming was put into play. Lombard and Robert Montgomery play Ann and David Smith, who discover that their three-year-old marriage is invalid, owing to a legal technicality. Complications ensue, especially when David doesn't rush into remarriage as quickly as Ann likes. She kicks him out of the apartment, and then his law partner, Jeff Custer (Gene Raymond), makes a play for her affections. Lombard is very much at home in this kind of comedy, and Montgomery is good at it too. The weak link is Raymond, who has the kind of role, the "other man" patsy, at which actors like Ralph Bellamy in The Awful Truth (Leo McCarey, 1937) and His Girl Friday (Howard Hawks, 1940) and John Howard in The Philadelphia Story (George Cukor, 1940) excelled. Raymond plays his part with a pinched, rather prissy manner that hardly sits well with the fact that he's supposed to have been the best fullback at the University of Alabama. In fact, the character seems to have been coded as latently gay: Witness Lombard's reaction when Ann learns that he decorated his own very tasteful apartment. Much of the film skirts around matters forbidden by the Production Code, including whether the now-unmarried Smiths should sleep together, which a director like Lubitsch or Hawks would have treated with more wit and finesse than Hitchcock does. This was only his third film made in Hollywood, and it was his first with a completely American setting; the first two, Rebecca (1940) and Foreign Correspondent (1940), were set in Europe and England. His unfamiliarity with American idiom shows up particularly in his treatment of the Alabama football jock Jeff and his parents (Philip Merivale and Lucile Watson), proper Southerners who are shocked at the suggestion that Ann has been sleeping with David. But whenever Hitchcock is working with Lombard and Montgomery, especially using Lombard's great gift for uninhibited physical comedy, the movie comes to fitful life.
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Baked Ziti Xanax Soda
wearing cufflinks composed of blood diamonds, and with excess neck skin that drizzled between his chin and collar bones, united states congressman mort saucen tapped his pen repeatedly on his desk gently, and equal intervals filled the time between taps. donatello rigatone lounged off-right in a leather chair in mort’s state house office with his legs spread eagle. I should’ve known all of this would eventually collapse on me, mort moaned, maybe this is karma for mooley johnson, i don’t know, i just don’t know anymore.
it’s ok, mort...
fucking victor rodriguez! how could he possibly know vib! is 98% non-latino caucasians?!
donatello shook his head. how much merit does that type of slander even have though?
one hundred percent! saucen exclaimed.
donatello, this is my ass. these are my nuts. nailed to a cross! me! mort saucen! with his nuts nailed to a cross! i need you, donatello. donatello, i need you!
ok, ok. let me think…
think!
what do we have for dirt on rodriguez, anything?
nothing!
donatello paused. he furrowed his brow in deep thought.
ok, ok, what if we were to… manufacture dirt on rodriguez?
ok, i like this!
now… what could derail a good looking, emotionally intelligent, well connected, up-and-coming latino politician?
…
maybe… a… dead girl… found on his lawn
a dead girl… mort scratched his temple, found on his lawn…
a dead… famous… latina…girl… found on his property…
a dead… famous girl… a famous girl. a famous latina… girl. one that no campaign manager could spin off… one that would ruin said latino politician’s reputation and forever smear his entire worth as a human being… found on his property
exactly.
donatello, mort stopped mid-sentence and let the idea sink in, i think this has legs.
i do too. now—bear with me here, donatello drew closer to mort’s face with each syllable, christina aguilera is performing at the dunkin donuts center this friday night.
genie in a bottle? …i love that video. my granddaughter loved that video.
exactly.
donatello began to stroke his chin with his thumb and index finger, now… what if we were somehow able to kill christina aguilera and plant her body on the property of victor rodriguez?
mort’s eyes lit up.
exactly! but christina aguilera…you’re sure she’s spanish?
yeah, she’s spanish. she’s half spanish.
she’s half spanish?
i’m almost positive her dad is venezuelan.
because she doesn’t look spanish.
her last name is definitely spanish.
ok…so she’s at least a part of the latino community. and people, they’re still into her, right?
she’s definitely slimmed down over the last few years.
ok... i’m just trying to make sure we cross our t’s and dot our i’s here.
mort picked up a pack of green apple bubbalicious gum from his desk and shoved two pieces in mouth. take gut.
i want you to take gut, and use his resources within the city.
gut?! donatello protested, also taking a piece of bubbalicious gum from mort’s desk.
i need to make sure this goes smoothly. i need to make sure we keep this close to the chest, and that it goes, mort was interrupted by a cough because he choked on his gum briefly. we gotta keep this close to the chest, he pounded his chest and coughed, and run it smoothly. you and gut have your differences, but you’ll work well together on this.
donatello shook his head, but kept his thoughts to himself.
mort saucen walked with the posture of a pruned hook because of a condition he contracted in his back back in the ‘60s, and, due partially to this condition, even among congressmen he stood out due to his delayed movements. unrushed, he’d never physically rush, he’d emerge slowly out of his 2014 leased silver acura sedan and limp morosely into the providence state house three to four times a week.
mort was born on long island in 1941 to a jewish (russian) father and a chilean mother. in 1975, he followed in his father’s footsteps and established saucen & associates llc, a mutual fund located on the east side. he marketed the small company of 5 as an asset management firm that employed low risk financial strategies to help the elderly live through their retirements more comfortably, which was very on-trend and fiduciary at the time.
however, unfortunately, after the stock market crash of 1987, saucen’s firm was indicted for securities fraud and embezzlement of client funds. shrewdly, saucen decided to turn state’s evidence and effortlessly testified against one of the members of his board that the feds happened to have a nut out for— state senator ralph “mooley” johnson. as remuneration for his cooperation, mort received a modest 2 years of administrative probation and no jail time.
so, after the dissolution of his firm saucen just laid low really. he nonchalantly built a temple on the west end and became a fixture in the then non-existent jewish community of the city. between 1988 and 1994, it was estimated that mort converted just under two-thirds of the city’s population to judaism, including many recently arrived latino immigrants. in 1995, he hosted mort’s incredible temple bonanza 1995 and raised nearly $800,000 for his church during the first night of the event. by 2000, riding a tidal wave of inner city good will and newly adroit with monotheistic solicitations, mort emerged from his religious slumber and ran for congress—he won by a landslide. he won by a landslide mainly by culling the city’s increasingly latino population’s vote, and, of course, he did this through a non-profit enterprise he had formed in conjunction with his temple— it was called voting is bueno!. the organization vigorously encouraged hispanics to participate in the democratic process because it was both in their and the country’s best interest for them to do so, and that’s how mort saucen has endured as a united states congressman more or less.
inside the downtown complex of voting is bueno!, in one of its three corner offices gerry ‘gut’ waterfall sat in a leather chair and waxed philosophical with his buttcheeks rapidly imprinting themselves through his levi’s and onto the leather.
but you can make a million dollars trading corn futures, i don’t give a fuck. money isn’t everything. i’m a fat fuck, yeah, but i don’t give a fuck about it, you know?
a vib! associate that was seated adjacent to gut nodded his head.
i got easily one of the hottest bitches—don’t tell her i said bitch—i got one of the hottest bitches within a 50 mile circumference of where we’re sitting right here, right now sitting on my dick like a guy with a guy named richard shoved up his ass, you know? it’s a matter of conduct, how you treat people.
the associate nodded again, shrugging his shoulders slightly.
you got a lot of guys with fortune 500 jobs, overly complicated job titles, leasing expensive vehicles that still eat dick at life, you know? you gotta hang—true—but you also gotta bang. you gotta hang and bang. know what i mean? you gotta hang, bang, slang wang. it’s whatever really.
gut… donatello said as he knocked on gut’s open door.
hey look, it’s don quixote, gut chuckled.
could you direct me to an open office.
what are you the new ceo here or something?
no, i’m just helping mort, that’s all.
gut led donatello through the vib! offices and explained some important aspects of the non-profit while doing so.
and over here you have a cafeteria where some of us choose to eat from time to time. now, one thing you need to know about spanish people, you have to understand if you wanna succeed here, one thing you have to understand is you gotta speak spanish. if you’re literally speaking two different languages, how are you gonna build trust and convince them to do what you want? think about it.
gut punctuated his statement with a quizzical expression, then stopped at a 500 square foot office with a full wall window overseeing most of downtown’s financial district. the desk looked like it was possibly made of aluminum, and the ceiling fan gave off the scent of coconuts when it spun.
the other thing you need, he continued, picking up a stapler off the desk, opening it and running his index and middle fingers slowly over the staples, the other thing you need, that we do a good job of employing here, is a spanish person that spanish people trust. you wanna start a spanish church, you need that spanish priest.
ok, that’s enough, donatello interrupted, grabbing the stapler from gut’s palm, i get it. i’m fucking familiar with the nonprofit sector.
ok, ok, i’m just trying to school you to the game a little, give you a little head start, you know? but i’m sure mort briefed you and shit, you’re right.
yeah. what do they serve in the cafeteria here, anything good, or is it all microwavable?
they got stir fry on thursdays that’s not bad. chicken and tofu. they rotate week to week. it’s hit or miss though. and some of it is i think microwavable shit, high in preservatives and what not.
yeah, i got that feeling walking past it, i’m trying to watch my sodium, you know? donatello said matter-of-factly, now running his fingers over the staples in the stapler, you wanna hit demo demes for dinner tonight?
ah, i would! but i already have plans.
mort and gut sat outside on a busy city street outside demo demes, a popular greek restaurant on the east side and ate and drank and spoke.
aaaaay! gut exclaimed, flagging down a waitress, can you get me whatever he’s drinking and i want an order of that souvlaki, too. anyway, yeah, like i was saying, i walk into this kid’s bedroom – i say i’ll give you the $1,000, but i want you to watch me wipe my ass with each hundred first!
hahahahahaha
come to find out, this kid, he’s taking a shit already, and he just happens to be out of toilet paper! i couldn’t believe it! so i made him wipe his ass with two of the hundreds, then gave him the other eight hundred clean though.
hahahahahahaha, that’s good stuff, gut, real good stuff, mort bellowed, his smile fading in a socially acceptable time frame as he lifted a gin martini up toward his lips, but let’s talk a little business, if you don’t mind…
yeah, that’s him, the fat guy down there, donatello muttered across his table. he was sitting three tables down from gut and saul dining finely with a female acquaintance.
wait, who? don’t be too obvious, but i might know him.
that fat guy over there. the really fat one. he’s one of those guys, donatello paused to gather his thought, you don’t really know why you hate him, but you just kind of do—you know? just kind of irritates me, how he’s such a fat piece of shit. no regard for other human beings. no regard. i just feel like, i don’t know, is it that hard to lay off the trans fat? you know the onus of fat people will eventually fall on us, the taxpayers.
i don’t know. he doesn’t seem that bad just from looking at him. i’ve definitely seen fatter people before.
there are a lot of fat people out there nowadays, i know. you’re absolutely right. this guy though, he’s just a different breed of fat. there’s good fat, fat you need, fat you can trust, you know what i’m saying? and then there’s just fat fat. fat you can’t trust, cancerous fat that just oozes into crucial veins and makes a mess.
wearing wire-rimmed glasses with no prescriptions, gut and donatello wore backstage passes backstage at the christina aguilera concert. gut wiped the sweat from his brow with a stack of bar napkins, then stuck the damp napkins in his back jean pocket.
man, i’ve done some crazy shit before, but this? fuck.
donatello paused, chewing vigorously on a mixed-drink-straw.
you’re not nervous, gut poked at donatello, you’re not nervous right now?
fuck no. shit, man.
he flicked the straw from the grip of his jaw.
oh word?
man, if killing christina aguilera is what we need to do to keep our livelihoods intact, then i say so be it.
gut nodded.
even divas have to die sometimes.
death is a part of life.
exactly. now let’s go get this shit over with.
christina aguilera sat and texted on her blackberry. she was notorious for demanding complete solitude after her shows, where she meticulously reviewed performance footage and sexted.
gut tippy toed, intestines tied tight, through the half cracked door. immersed in the thread of text, the diva remained unaware as he slipped two dozen crushed xanax in her diet sprite.
um, christina?
oooh! who is it?
hi. i’m sorry. my name is gerry, but you can call me gut.
how did you get in here?!
my friend, victor, victor rodriguez, he’s good friends with your bodyguard, jamal, right? i’m sorry, but i’m just such a big fan!
aguilera was puzzled at first, but she had a soft spot for big men and immediately warmed to gut. she took a deep sip of her sprite and invited him to sit down.
ew, this soda tastes extra salty tonight! she giggled, so how long have you been a fan of mine?
donatello held a crow bar seeped in red streaks above his head in a nearby supply closet and was about 3 feet above jamal magloire’s forehead. aguilera’s bodyguard, who was named jamal magloire, was currently beaten and bloodied and held his walkie talkie in his crushed palm.
say it! say it motherfucker!
magloire clicked the device and radioed to the rest of aguilera’s entourage.
magloire here… there’s been a change in agenda…
the two corpses were stuffed tightly into the trunk of gut’s jet black 2006 mitsubishi galant with the fabric light gray interior and a jar of multi-colored but mono-flavored gumballs in one of the cupholders, and he and donatello drove to the residence of victor rodriguez. rodriguez’s home was located in a lower-middle class section of the city where it was kind of assumed a lot of people spoke spanish as a first language, but only the census people knew for sure. the neighborhood streets were dimly lit and unoccupied.
ok, he’s passed out, bring em in! saucen yelled in a whisperly voice as he stood on rodriguez’s front porch, but be discreet.
gut grabbed jamal, and donatello grabbed aguilera and they entered the home.
alright listen, you put magloire right, yeah, right over there, and slump christina aguilera in that fucking two seat sofa over, yeah over there.
ok, mort took a deep breath, now here’s how it went down. rodriguez invited christina aguilera over, drugged her with xanex thinking, boom, i bone her, in and out, one and done, and then get on with my life. but he gave her too much, she sips the roofie and, fucking bam, heart stops on the sofa. when magloire comes in the room he panics, rodriguez panics, then flips, he grabs a crow bar and beats magloire to death fearing the worst, yeah, donatello, put that crowbar right there, that’s good.
then, then rodriguez, realizing what he’s done, the situation sinking in completely, he begins to drink the pain away, but unwittingly drinks the very same drink he was going to give aguilera, boom, he passes out, alright? got it?
now, i have a girl next door who’s calling 911 in about half an hour saying she heard a disturbance next door, so listen. donatello, i want you to go home, you wash yourself off, then you go pick up gut and you both meet me at my office where we spent the entire night discussing a new marketing plan for voting is bueno!, understood? tomorrow morning this little prick is gonna wake up in a jail cell, and we’re gonna wake up and all of our problems, gone, disa-fucking-ppeared! mort pumped his fist in the air, which was as energetic as he was going to get at his age.
you still like that fucking sword on the wall, don’t you gut? mort said sitting in his desk chair. he, gut and donatello formed an inward facing triangle in his office. he took a deep sip of his bombay dry gin on the rocks, i see you staring at it.
it’s aight, gut retorted and took a sip of his miller genuine draft bottle as he sat kind of hunched forward.
you wanna go over to douglas ave and slice people’s trash bags with it?
i don’t know, i’m kind of tired to be honest with you.
c’mon you pussy! it’ll be the least illegal thing we’ve done all night! mort cackled. tell you what? you take the trip down with me tonight, and i’ll give you the fucking thing. donatello, you come along too, it’ll be a good time!
gut looked down at his watch and realized that you couldn’t argue with mort when he was drunk, yeah whatever. let’s do it, he said.
the three men finished their drinks and took mort’s 2014 silver acura sedan to the exterior of an establishment known as uncle ben’s liquor store on douglas avenue. it had a bunch of steel bars rolled over its front entrance because it was closed.
look at this thing! mort said with glee as he removed the sword from its case on the working class street. it truly is amazing!
with senior citizen forearms, mort swung the blade and cleanly sliced underneath gut’s belly button in the shape of a young child’s ignorant, yet enthusiastic smile. his intestines rushed to the ground like a herd of rabies-infected shoppers with poor budgeting skills pouring into a discount retailer at midnight on a black friday in 2002. gut choked on his own blood and hawked a red loogie as red tears crept into his eyeballs and his bowels excitedly prepared themselves for release. waterfall collapsed to his knees and fell onto his left side with a harmless little thud. barely breathing and begrudgingly accepting his fate he tried to utter his last words, but the blood that flooded his throat gurgled any syllables he may have wanted to utter away. he laid there waiting to die and then he did.
that fat fuck tipped off rodriguez to the whole thing, mort said, scowling at the lifeless body as he placed his samurai sword back into its holster. he turned to donatello with a sternness ironed into his expression and continued,
nobody fucks with mort saucen.
it is what it is i suppose, donatello said expressionless. both men matter-of-factly looked down at the sizeable carcass on the pavement and said nothing.
it is. mort turned back towards his acura. but hey, i wanna take you out to dinner before you leave tomorrow night. let’s do a happy hour tomorrow?!
demo demes?! donatello giddily suggested as he wrapped himself around the sedan and entered the passenger side with glee. mort threw the sword in the trunk, limped around the side of the car and put the key in the ignition. mort nodded.
the souvlaki there is phenomenal.
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