#his first words to someone being omg ive never been like this with a man before haha are still gay in and out of context does that make sens

[pixiestix0-0]

all the gay lines in ace attorney are like “you’ve made me feel things i thought i was incapable of feeling” or “i wouldn’t be the same person i am today if i never meet you” and its still up to interpretation over if there’s a platonic meaning in canon. meanwhile all the lesbian lines are like “me and your mentor dated in college” or “i desired your mom carnally athena” and the only person questioning it would be in the game like “not like that right” and someone will respond with “whatever floats your boat ig” or something. 

[i-yap]

Thinking about the wedding ask you answered before but what if Grayson proposed to his s/o and his s/o already bought a ring to propose to him as well? Like that would be so cute 😭💕

Hey sorry I'm a little late, in responding, I usually have a couple meetings on Thursday and after human interaction I'm too dead to do anything.

omg your request is so monica and chandler idk why..like that scene she proposes and..yea . Thats a really cute idea.

Dick grayson x reader

Some may consider being friends with your boyfriends ex weird, but barbara and kori were still a part of his teams and they knew what grayson had with you was something special and different. And so you became sort of friends..at least this way you got gossip on grayson. But it was also the reason why you were here, In a jewellery store. looking through wedding bands.

"And then he kept crying "take me to y/n" " laughed kori telling the story of Dick on anesthesia. You laughed back in return"What can I say, the man's a simp". "Yea never really saw him like that you know" replies Kori.

"Like what?" . "Loving someone so much, he was sweet with me, but he never really made effort. I guess I always knew it was a temporary thing. I couldn't even bring up commitment with him, I don't think I even heard him say the word "wedding" the whole time we were together."

"He is a litttle hesitant towards commitment I suppose, its his childhood- all that repressed trauma" you say , trying to cheer her up a little. "But with you it seems like he might even ask you to marry him- though the idea of him asking anyone to marry him sounds crazy"

"Why is that?" you ask

"Dont take me wrong, he loves you but I just cant see him getting down on one knee and -well popping the question"

And so here you are now. Staring at the perfect wedding band set . Was this a little unconventional ..yes. Did you care? Hell no. You knew Dick wanted forever with you. You guys had talked about kids, grandkids, what flowers you want in your wedding. He just wasn't popping the question and if he wasn't going to do it, you would. You understand he has his issues, but he is committed to you, he loves you and you can help him out with this little something.

After that talk with kori you had been monitoring Dick , He did talk a lot about marrying you but never really brought up the actual question. And you didn't want to wait longer. This was the man you wanted to spend forever with..its decided.

So you and dick plan out a perfect date. He was more than excited to make sure everything was perfect- saying he was just excited because you guys haven't had a proper date in while(which is a lie , dick takes you out every week for a fancy date )

But it turns out perfect. By the private beach, a pretty blanket with champagne and food. the sun setting slowly and a chill spring air which makes you sit just a little closer. You take out the ring just as the sun starts setting. Dick looks over perplexed. He looks at the ring, then at you smiling and then ring again. "Dick grayson, I love you. I never thought I'd meet a man like you, I didn't even know they existed. And they don't , you're special to me. You are kind and smart and really hot. There is no one else for me , its just you. Marry me?"

Dick gives the biggest smile, pulls you up onto the sand and get down on his knees before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a ring. "y/n, I guess you beat me to it huh? Ive been carrying this ring for 3 months now waiting for the perfect moment. But every moment with you is perfect, you are perfect for me and you make me want to be the perfect man for you. Ive known that since the first date , I know that right now and I will remember it forever. Will you marry me y/n l/n?"

"First you answer my question" you hiccup, tears welling up in your eyes.

"haha, yes yes I will marry you y/n grayson"

"is this a bad time to mention I don't like your surname"

"We can change it, keep it something you like, like cupcakes..y/n cupcakes" he says tears in his own eyes.

you giggle as you pull him up, sliding the rings onto each others hand and kissing as the sun falls below the ocean's horizon.

[kikuowo]

THE LONELY TREE

PAIRING: sanzu haruchiyo x reader

SUMMARY: comforting him <3

WARNINGS: slight manga spoliers about sanzu’s past. self deprecating thoughts . i did NOT proofread so goodluck lmfao

A/N: omg…hi hey guys im.. alive what. ive had this in my drafts for EVEEEERRRR and finally found motivation to finish it. its not long and its not great but its something. i miss tr and i miss sanzu my pookiebear…

every so often, haruchiyo would return to this state. his old self. once again he was timid and quiet, the kind boy you remembered when first meeting him.

he went from his loud teasing nature, to locking himself in the bathroom. he would stare into his reflection with dim eyes that seemed to be far off into his mind.

haru thought he was hideous. bright obnoxious pink hair, something so childish for a top ranking gang member, that paled his already ghastly skin even more. freckles dotted across his nose and cheeks, he had always hated them as a kid and now even in his late 20s he still wont acknowledge that no amount of scrubbing will wash them away.

two large jagged diamonds were etched into his skin. just thinking about them he could still feel the sharp stabbing pain from the edge of the plastic toy like it happened yesterday. he thinks this might be the ugliest aspect of him. he could tolerate the pale skin, freckles, eyebags, and wild hair. all easy fixes, he thinks, but has no motivation whatsoever to do so. however, the scarred skin on each corner of his mouth would never, could never, be fixed.

his appearance was just one thing that made him hideous. his action and, really his whole existence was hideous.

never was he good enough.

not good enough for their mother to stay. not good enough for their father to raise them. he was a terrible brother, teaching senju wrong and always disappointing takeomi.

he was a bad friend.

he killed mochi. one of the few people who he thought truly cared for his well being, even thought of him as a younger brother.

he was a bad boyfriend.

haru knew he wasn’t good to you. he knew you deserved someone normal. someone who isn’t an addict. someone who can go out freely and take you out on dates. he knew you deserved someone who didn’t lose their temper easy like him, who hurt you not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well. he’s not sure why you’ve been following him around so long, but he also isn’t sure what he would do if you stopped.

rindou had warned you through text about haruchiyo’s sudden drop in mood. you immediately dropped everything and rush home to him, wanting to stop his self loathing quickly before it turned for the worse.

when you arrived to the apartment all lights were off, drapes closed and everything was quiet. if you didn’t know any better you would think no one was home. but you knew he was home, if not for the shoes thrown haphazardly by the door, the soft sounds of crying could be heard.

you ponder on calling out your arrival, deciding on just being loud enough to let him know you are home, but not enough to startle him. you make your way to the bathroom and quietly knock three times before pausing then entering.

haru stands slouched in front of the sink. his rose colored hair messy, eyes red and puffy, and a frown set on his lips.

taking a slow breath you walk up to him, your reflections side by side. you know he knows you are there, it shows in the way he slightly tenses and his hands begin to shake. you want nothing more than to comfort him, however knowing he dislikes overbearing people holds you back for a moment. unsure and unmoving, you take this moment to really look at the broken man in front of you.

you see his pain, you see his hardships, you see his worry, you see is sadness. but you also see his pretty blue eyes that always look at you with love and hopefulness. you see pretty porcelain skin that blushes a pretty pink when he gets flustered from your words of love. you see rosy lips that you love to feel against your own and that you know he loves to use to praise you, to make you feel loved.

you also see two scars, one on each side of those lips. deep down they have always made you feel a sense of sadness. a once happy little boy scarred for something he didn’t do, insecure to the point of covering his face for years, a moment forever changing his life.

but they also made you happy. they were apart of haruchiyo, the man you loved with every atom inside of you. anytime a diamond appeared throughout the day you instantly thought of him. how happy he made you, how much you missed him, when will be the next time you can hold him? kiss him?

snapping out of your trance, you once again walk up to him. slowly, allowing him time to retract from you, you wrap your arms around his middle and lay your head against his back.

he tenses even more at first before slowly but surely relaxing into your hold. you place one, two, three kisses between his shoulder blades, payment for letting you comfort him. he places a cold hand over one of your own, a silent thanks and a green flag to comfort him.

and so you do, holding him in the cramped bathroom slowly swaying the two of you and placing kisses every so often onto him and listening to the steady thrumming of his heart, one he knows solely beats because of you.

[quodekash]

ITS ABAAB EP 7 TIME and i am sorry 

warning: lots of happiness, too much happiness. take a shot of water every time i say any variation of ‘HAPPY’. stay hydrated, folks. 

wait what happened to cher? did i miss something? 

i dont remember how the last episode ended so its very possible that i missed something 

awh 🥺

thE BED IS STILL ON AN ANGLE WHY IS THE BED ON AN ANGLE SOMEONE FIX THIS IM BEGGING YOU, ITS GOTTA BE A SAFETY HAZARD 

pls they look so comfy 

it looks like theyve been married for a thousand lifetimes 

so comfyyyyy

rIGHT, THEIR GROUP HAD A FIGHT, THAT’S WHAT HAPPENED TO CHER, I REMEMBER NOW 

YEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEAH BEACH EPISODE = PURE HAPPINESS AND DOPAMINE 

THREEZO AT THE BEACH 

WE’RE GONNA GET THREEZO AT THE BEACH 

IM LITERALLY ABOUT TO CRY IN ANTICIPATION OF BEACH

i know i already said it like four times BUT THIS LOOKS SO FREAKING COMFY WHAT THE HELL 

THREEZO THREEZO THREEZO

HELLO MY LOVELIES HOW ARE YOU TODAY 

theyre literally in the middle of the frame omg 

little babby 

i love him 

he’s tall but he’s smol 

his HAIR 

LOOK AT IT 

THE HAIR IS SO FLUFFY 

i think my favourite things about this series are jack’s hair and threezo

and theyre both tied for first place 

three’s apology to jack is so freaking sweet omg 

i love him too much 

he struggles with words and communicating but he wants everyone to be happy and he doesnt want conflict and he feels responsible for everything and he is perfection and also he’s either adhd or asd or both, i dont make the rules 

HAPPY

omg his awkward laugh is so cute why was that so cute 

his sweet little ‘hah hah’ 

HIS FACE MAKES ME HAPPY 

HAPPYYYYY 

(damn i did gun/force dirty on that screenshot) 

his freaking face

its making me happy 

this is a happiness overload 

im not used to this much joy in my system 

what do i do with it 

HAPPYYYYYYYYY

dads. 

everyone can see you btw. just letting you know. you’re just standing there, holding hands 

i mean that’s great, good job, not being scared is funky (but its also funky to be scared), it’s just that. you know. if your friends ask questions later and you dont want them to suspect anything then like. it’s your fault. 

altho maybe they dont care if their friends find out, idk at this point 

ignore me

HAPPY

everyone ganging up to push gun in the water. that’s what friendship truly is 

HAPPY

they teleported 

three was next to zo, jack was between cher and zo. they switched. 

hOW?

HAPPYYYYY

THE HAIR

LOOK AT THE HAIR 

they always figure out a way to squeeze it in 

OMG

SOBBING

IM SOBBING

THATS SO CUTE 

HELP

DAMN RIGHT 

his hair is a mess lmao

bRO

HE SAID IT

HE SAID THE THING 

ZOGUN FRIENDSHIP BONDING SCENE OMG HAPPINESS 

he’s known from the very freaking beginning 

before cher even knew 

the gaydar is strong bro 

HIS FREAKING FACE 

HAPPY

HE HAPPY 

PFFFFFFT

i love their friendship so much omg 

(that screenshot looks like hes about to punch him lmao) 

“zo, what is love?” i can feel it, im about to punch a wall or smth bc something threezo is coming 

“what is love for you?” “three.” yUP I KNEW IT OMG IM GONNA FREAKING CRY 

HAIR

FLUFFY FLUFFY FLUFFY ITS SO FLUFFY 

i think i love this man (and his hair) a little too much but its fine 

GJK3BERKJGBVRKEBGR

GUN WHAT THE HELL 

AGAIN, THEY LOOK SO FREAKING COMFY 

well shoot. thoop is mad at cher for being involved with gun. 

good news is: i dont think its homophobia 

it’s just that he doesnt want cher to move on from tian (thoop himself cant move on from tian) and he doesnt want cher to find a relationship because that means, in thoop’s eyes, he’s letting tian go, and thoop cant really deal with that because he’s ✨mentally ill✨

get some sleep my man 

I LOVE HOW MUCH HE LOVES HIS FRIENDS 

HES SO FREAKING CARING 

HE WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HIS FRIENDS 

HED PROBABLY NEVER ADMIT IT BUT HE’S A REAL FREAKING SOFTY ON THE INSIDE 

1. ive never seen more serious finger guns 

2. you’re not bi, sir, why are you doing finger guns 

3. finger GUNs 

that is all 

FINAL THOUGHTS: 

if they dont give us a threezo kiss by the end of this show i will scream. 

[definitelynotshouting]

Hello again! Im so sorry to hear you feeling well when i sent in my ask the other day :( hoping that the life series drop tmrw will provide a much needed distraction for whatever you need it to :)

-☀️

"I know the, um, this morning didn't go… very well… but… if I could—""

"Good, he thinks, but it's a rote sentiment, not half so vicious as it had been only hours earlier."

- oh??? 👀 i am looking

- Im assuming this is the meeting they had about taking grian back to hermitcraft (and the revelation that grian feeds on emotions to survive)?? Very curious

- Now that metaphor about the childhood coat being stained is a lot more painful

-☀️

"even stolen energy can't make up for that."

"everything he'd never had the first time he— well, when Grian, the real Grian— had died."

- "stolen energy" omg i am biting ankles over this.

- And the "real Grian" thing. Yeah

- This is one of those moments where grian's whole situation is so much more potent and vivid. Imagining living as myself, but knowing im occupying someone elses body, and having my very lifeforce sustained by others?? Its not hard to understand why grian internalises and hates himself for being "a parasite". Idk thats probably very obvious to everyone else but this is the first time ive really thought about all of what that entails

-☀️

"Starving hands reach out from the depths of his mind to pull him back, stumbling, under that dark waterline."

- Love how the word "starving" implies that G falling asleep is more of a survival mechanism forcing him under so that his body can feed rather than only exhaustion

-☀️

"he's pressed a knife to every promise he's ever made since the day he emerged,"

- shaking you

-☀️

"His existence lies in the shadows of these distorted fractures, jagged hopes and dented dreams, forever fated to cut his hands on the fragments."

- AHHHHJSLDHSJSVSN

- Man 🧍

- Dont have any words. Just tears.

AAAAAAAAAA SUN ANON I ALWAYS LOVE SEEING YOU IN MY INBOX!!!! Gods im so glad these lines resonated with and interested you, they were a ton of fun to write

I have a brain today so i can actually expand on some of the things youve pointed out instead of just aiming heart eyes at you for the compliments fjsndjsjejke so for the first point, yes!!! Scar and Xisuma returned to the others post chap 6 and were like "Well that sucked!! Wow!!!!" I wouldnt say theyve given all the information to everybody, because they themselves aren't exactly ready to discuss that beyond the immediately required basics, but everyone else was given the gist: convo went badly, Grian is being taken back to Hermitcraft on Scar and Xisuma's insistence. Both Scar and Xisuma feel fucking horrible for how that conversation went down-- nobody had a good time there. So while the plan is to eventually get everyone up to speed, they're sorta taking this time to be miserable about what was essentially a fight that ended in stripping Grian of his autonomy

There's also a little cross-communication happening here in the background, btw: Scar and Xisuma have a pretty big picture now, but Tango, Mumbo, and Pearl have been fed that false info abt the potions being potentially useful. So, yknow :) just smth to keep in mind there haha

Your point about how it almost feels like Grian falling asleep is a survival mechanism is spot on the money. It's essentially him falling into a state of low power mode, where everything but his most basic of functions is shut down for a brief time in favour of preserving energy-- i would honestly consider it more equivalent to a coma than actual sleep. Hence Tango's concern, and subsequent relief when Grian woke up; the entire time he was unconscious, he was fully unresponsive. So, yknow. Real nerve-wracking to see, especially after that prior full week of unresponsiveness as his body struggled to maintain itself.

Tango's role here is indeed deliberate, both on a watsonian and doylist level!! The reason however is the exact same for both: Tango is a little more removed, personally, from this situation. Grian was-- and is-- his friend, ofc, but he's not as close to whats happening. Meanwhile, Xisuma is in 24/7 server babysitting mode, Pearl is not fit to be a caretaker, and Scar and Mumbo were tearing themselves apart by trying to sit and look after him. So Tango got assigned caretaker duties 😂😂😂😂 it was an effective way to divvy up tasks and keep everybody busy, and somewhat hilariously, so far Tango is the only person Grian isnt supremely upset with for one reason or another. And thats why he's continued to stay in caretaker mode lol he is truly just. The only guy who can rn

I also just sorta think of him as a surprisingly emotionally savvy fixer-type, in terms of personality. Like. I think he just gets what people set down in front of him, yknow? Although hell if he knows what to do with it once he's got em. He fumbles a lot, sure, and he defaults to fix-it mode, but he is getting the message when Grian essentially says "i dont wanna talk anymore" without actually saying it

As for Grian and his headspace, rn, theres definitely a complexity at work here where he wants to die and is very genuine in that, but he IS also grateful he's seeing his friends. He cant deny that. As painful as it is, he still loves them very much, and ultimately he's trying to do this for their own good as much as for his own sense of punishment and relief. I think like... now that he's really creeping up on what he has planned, and the pieces are suddenly becoming a reality, theres a bit of dissonance he's fighting against to stay on course. He wants his friends happy; he also wants to die. He's so overwhelmingly tired; he is, as much as he feels he doesnt deserve it, glad to have his friends close. That sort of hopelessness mixed with a warped sense of comfort that he got to see and interact with them one last time. If that makes any sense. Its a bit of complexity i wanted to make sure i added in, because people are so rarely fully decided on any course of action they choose to take, without even a single flicker of doubt (and especially one so final as this). Im glad youve picked up on that, and that you appreciate what i was trying to set down with it!!! :D

This was such a lovely message, as always-- you are very sweet, sun anon, and i appreciate you lots :] i hope you're having an excellent day!!!

[gabessquishytum]

Ok so we may have an issue… the idea of that hysterical literature au has wormed its way into my brain and I think I maybe have a completely new kink? Unfortunate, as there’s like… not too much content like that, but god does it something special for me. anyways, Ive been thinking:

What if Dream’s never revealed his face or anything else about himself, he’s incredibly well known but also incredibly secretive. He reaches out to Hob’s agent. (And then watches through more of hob’s content, falling a bit more for hob’s easy smile and kind demeanor every time.)

On Hob’s side of things he’s just finished this project with a book he adores, he’s gone back and read through Dream’s book twice after filming, checked out what he could from the local library, and ordered the rest. He’s just so so enamored with the prose (and maybe a bit with the secretive writer). The video was a smash hit, and he’s been inundated with requests for more already. Then his agent calls, tells him that the author of the book reached out. Hob completely didn’t expect that, he’s gained a fairly devoted following, but he isn’t a Big Name or anything. He’s a bit worried at first, Was Dream upset? Did he want to sue or have it taken down? And then he gets told that dream would like to talk about doing more things with his books together? hob nearly faints in response. His agent (Matthew? Jessamy? Lucienne? Death? I’m partial to death maybe) has to make sure he’s not dead or in shock. He spends damn near a whole day just processing this information, and then responds with only slightly curbed enthusiasm. The two exchange words and ideas, both crushing helplessly on the other and consistently (and a bit guiltily) masturbating to each other’s body of works. there’s so much potential for feelings, smut, pining, a bit of mental anguish, and a healthy dose of shenanigans along the way

This could end any number of ways!

Maybe at some point Dream sees Hob in the pasta aisle of the grocery store, or at a favorite small local restaurant. He immediately leaves or hides or runs away, blushing furiously, but not before Hob sees him.

Maybe one of them writes up an overly indulgent never-to-be-sent email draft expressing their feelings. Only to have it accidentally send. Maybe they meet at a fancy event and hook up.

Maybe there’s meddling on the part of their respective agents.

who knows!

Love,

💍 anon

AMAZING!!!!! Just. Omg. This au is SO good and I’m so pleased you’ve expanded on it here!! I’m obsessed.

Just. All the feelings that must be going on!!! Hob is half in love with Dream just through reading his books, and even though they’ve never met he’s just absolutely captivated by him. As they exchange emails, Hob just can’t work out why Dream is being so cool and nice to him, and enthusiastic about the project!!! Hob adores his career and is very proud of what he’s achieved, but he expects that someone like Dream would look down on his life choices and be rather judgemental. But Dream is polite, interested, always keen to take Hob’s point of view when they work together. Hob is still doing other shoots but he’s constantly thinking about Dream, his books, his way with words. It’s an obsession at this point.

Dream is in the exact same mental state!!! Hob is constantly sending him drafts of their collaborative project to get his opinion on the quality of the reading, the amount of build-up towards each climax, even his outfit! Poor Dream is trying to offer a professional, artistic opinion but he can’t even think about it properly until he’s wrung himself dry of orgasms. He’s a complete disaster and all he wants to do is write about Hob… so he does. He makes Hob into the protagonist in his latest novella, about a man who is driven to ecstasy when he hears the music of a certain composer. It’s… a thinly viewed depiction of real life.

And when Dream finishes the draft, he sends it off to Matthew for a read-through. Or at least he means to send it to Matthew. Instead, it ends up attached to his latest email to Hob, and he doesn’t realise until it’s too late.

Does Hob work out that Dream has written this new story about him? Unfortunately he’s a little bit oblivious… until he records himself reading it just like he’s done with the other stories, and he suddenly gets a very pleasant bolt of post-nut clarity and finally realises that maybe he does have a shot with Dream after all <3

[blueiight]

This isnt even substantitive commentary 85% of this is just quoting what was written bc i need people to know this is out here.

new fent (nat reufriede)

He wasn’t surprised when she refused to answer the question this time, too. “I still don’t understand why Mein Kaiser ” — her voice was a perfect mockery of Reuenthal’s usual tone— “feels the need to uproot the whole government.” She tilted her glass, letting her drink catch the light. “If he’s looking for legitimacy, he should stay on Odin.”

“What legitimacy?” Reuenthal snapped. “What more legitimacy does he need, than what he has?”

“You’re a very stupid man, Oskar,” she said.

“Oh?”

“ Your Kaiser has the legitimacy of holding a gun to the rest of the universe’s head,” she said. “Fine. There’s no point in pretending like he doesn’t, and you claim that’s the only legitimacy you respect, anyway. But you seem to have deluded yourself into acting like He is going to live forever, and that his children won’t need to borrow some legitimacy of their own. Odin is a place used to having dynasties— I wonder if he’s about to discover that Phezzan isn’t.” COOK THAT BLONDE BRAT SHAWTY

The premise of this story being reuenthal with a beard is just tickling my feathers. The imagery of reinhard preserving the iconography of the old dynasty & reuenthal picking a beard (a symbol of agedness, of manliness) and struggling to grow it out, the beard even softening his features is soooo symbolic.

YOULL KILL YOURSELF WITHOUT MY HELP! All i need to do is see it im deaaad

She seemed almost unfamiliar with the weapon, hefting it and turning it over, though she had enough sense to keep her finger away from the safety and the trigger. Had she never fired a gun before? He was momentarily entranced by the way it dwarfed her hands. … She held up his wallet, and he realized that, at some point between the front desk and the room, she had managed to pick it out of his pocket— likely when he was distracted by her trying to undo his belt in the elevator. She went through it, pulling out the cash, then tossed it on the bed.

i am not immune to elfriede. elfriede wanting to gamble v reuenthal not liking that he cant conquer a gamble.. wowthe fact that elfriede is in a big gamble of her own tangled w fezzan + all those shady ass factors still . she loved to gamble indeed

The intent was for him to blow across her fingers and the dice, a rather feminine thing to do, but instead he took her wrist roughly and kissed her knuckles. “Oskar!”

What do i even say man.

this is the first time ive read nat’s freak shit wiaw i read up to so far be fading to black omg this really did hit like fent.

His experience with wives as a species was limited: his mother, Mittermeyer’s wife. Elfriede resembled neither. The person she most often reminded him of was Him , with the wild mane of golden hair, and the piercing, hateful look in their eyes. He didn’t think about that now.

Getting to proxy-fuck ur emperor man crush lord & master…

“A wife is meant to obey.”

“A soldier is meant to obey,” she said. “A wife—”

Even with her movement limited with his weight bearing on her shoulders, she could reach between them and grab his [word i cant say lest tumblr censor me oncecmore] She wrapped her legs around him and tried to pull him down towards her.

“A wife has her husband’s child,” she said. “Is that what you want me to say?”

[passages I cant say lest tumblr censor me once more] She reached up to touch his face, and the feeling of her hand moving through the bristles of his newly-grown beard made him feel ill. It was all wrong— the simulacrum of normality that they couldn’t even play at well.

“Yes,” he said. “That’s what I want.” Or it was what some other man wanted— someone Reuenthal should have been, but wasn’t.

THE SIMULACRUM OF NORMALITY THEY COULDNT EVEN PLAY AT WELL.

She mumbled something half-incoherent, and wholly impossible. “A real family—”

“Better than the one you had before,” Reuenthal said in reply, which managed to get a reaction out of her of some sort, clawing her hands down her back.

“Everybody wants that,” she mumbled.

And nobody gets it , he thought. “You want me to take care of it,” he said. He pressed his hand to her lower abdomen, leaning on it hard.

“Yes,” she said, her voice coming out strangely.

“Then when it’s born, I’ll have to aim higher— for its sake—” He punctuated his sentence with his movement, the white heat growing between them. He moved faster, seeking out the climax. There was only so long he could play this charade before the disgust became too overwhelming.

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO . Ohmygod. bro. nat. u have rocked my world once more.

AND WHAT SHE SAID RIGHT AFTER. HE’LL HAVE YOUR EYES. TRYNA STRANGLE HER. HER PUTTING THE GUN IN HIS MOUTH and that being what made him cum

Dont even have words.

THEN HE GOES TO REINHARD RIGHT AFTER????!!! Over the cold body of reinrein’s exwife dead husband😭😭😭. THE ROYAL WE!! rein realizing what reue came for on some level… we r two halves of the same battle hungry depraved ravenous thing

Reinhard turned towards Reuenthal at last, looked him over as if he was seeing him for the first time, and reached out his hand towards Reuenthal’s face. He didn’t touch him, but his hand hovered just close enough to his cheek that he could feel the warmth of it, the staticky charge of an almost imperceptible distance. “You shaved that awful beard you were growing.”

“I had wondered if a change would suit me, considering our move to Phezzan. It didn’t.”

“No,” Reinhard said. He dropped his hand and looked back towards the grave. “Change doesn’t suit Us, either.”

“Oh?”

“We’ll be buried here,” Reinhard said.

[everlastingfable]

(sorry if ive asked this before but) who exactly is smeaton? what do you like so much abt him?

omg thank you spoon I will go nuts 💖

so I briefly talked about who mark smeaton is here but basically he was a bard in 1530s england who confessed to adultery with the queen and got himself, the queen, and four other lords executed

as for why I like him, it's probably mostly because I'm not able to get enough information to satisfy my curiosity. he's an enigma. mark smeaton was a real living being. there's real facts about him, things he said, done, made, etc. but also he was a commoner so there's also so much about him that isn't known and probably will never be known because he wasn't important enough to make note of. like, aside from he's a "very handsome young man" and "one of the prettiest monochord players" I legitimately cannot find any description of what he looked like. not even his hair color

he's a bard. he could dance, play the lute, monochord, and many other medieval instruments I don't remember the name of. but while we have king henry viii's songs and poetry, we have absolutely nothing of mark's. well actually that's not entirely true, there is this sheet music that might've been mark's that he wrote for anne boleyn. the handwriting matches apparently? but it's not for certain

what was he like? the information we do have about him is from comments made by the lords etc that didn't like him. he was said to be arrogant which makes sense if he was getting a lot of attention from the royals, but how much is that actual arrogance and how much of it is lords and ladies getting pissed that he's trying to act like he's one of them and speak to them as equals? paper was expensive so it's very likely he never wrote down prose or poetry where we can know what he thought. we have nothing about what he thought everything we have is from other people's writings

there are times where I learn things about him and it makes me doubt if mark was ever a real person at all. how could someone so influential be so forgotten? he rarely gets mentioned in tudor history and when he does it's as one of the five men who were executed. the biggest mystery about him is how he was spending like two or three times his yearly salary. where was he getting the money? was he really receiving that much in bonuses from the king and queen? was he doing "favors" and getting extra money that way? we don't know! the accounting books for the five year time period he was employed at court were destroyed/lost (I am frothing at the mouth)

did you know queen mary (henry's first daughter) tried to start a rumor that queen elizabeth (yes that queen elizabeth and henry's second daughter) was actually the daughter of anne boleyn and mark smeaton? the way how he is both so involved and yet nonexistent drives me insane. I have so many questions about him and when I try to find answers I just end up with so many more questions. I know I could probably just make headcanons like I do with my fav fictional characters but mark was a real person. there's actually right and wrong answers but I don't know what they are! I need to time travel so I can study him like a bug I'm not kidding

and there's also the chance that my obsession with joey batey projected onto mark smeaton (he played him in the wolf hall/bring up the bodies stage play) who is depicted as such a little shit and sopping wet kitten in the books there's no way I wouldn't love him. like

(the cut off word was "tears") he's so pathetic I love him so much. he's the ultimate side character who I wish was in the story more because he'd actually be a really really good foil to thomas cromwell. they're both commoners who tried to social climb in henry's court, and cromwell was the one who basically set everything up and used mark to bring down anne boleyn and her circle. I didn't get a screenshot of this but in bring up the bodies someone asked cromwell why mark and he responded "I didn't like the way he looked at me" just that sentence and how well it shows that cromwell thinks of mark like he's a pesky fly I am so

there's also the fact that I cannot for the life of me find a recording of wolf hall and I know it's really unlikely that I'll ever find one because it's not a musical so this itch will never get satisfied. why don't you just watch the tv shows? because 1) it's not joey playing mark and 2) based on the gifs I've seen he's not pathetic enough he's too suave and charming

it's honestly just this inability to find enough information to satisfy me that's riling me up all the time. did you know in the wolf hall/bring up the bodies script book joey is the first one credited? I know it's because he's first alphabetically but man does it feel like salt in a wound when photos I can find of him in the play are like this

[saezurufeels]

hello there, i've being a saezuru fan since chapter 15 was realized and i've been following the tumblr posts since then as well, this is the first time i actually commented anywhere on tumblr about it! :)

i'm saying this for a reason by the way stay with me :)

ive being expecting this chapter for like a month and ive reread everything from the beginning and i will encourage you to do the same as i understand better the relationship of doumeki and yashiro but also the plot of the yakuza story line, the time frame of the story in the story and the actual time frame of the manga being posted is consider always when creating the next chapter. i mean there is a time dilation and that somehow dilates the understanding of the story! i know that you probably are like dahh we know sis.

BUT i came to an expectation of chapter 51 that was accurate somehow, because i knew that their relationship was never expressed by them with WORDS, and even if they used words (like sharing secrets to each other in the very beginning of the story) is because they showed trust and affection to each other by flirting, especially yashiro to doumeki in the beginning chaptes his like - i can do so much to you babes, let me show you what i can do to you babes omg your so cute! -

There is a silence in their conversation, that it is known that it says i love you. it was always like that from the beginning and thats why i love saezuru that much and yoneda for creating it, i didnt saw that anywhere else so far in a manga, i only saw the words and the common confessions to convey that.

i dont expect a confession i dont see the need for that, she choose to make yashiro kick doumeki to show how concerned he was about him (i love you why did you do that to yourself, i wanted you to be safe) and doumeki let him kick him although he is bigger than him and could easily stop him and all he did was grab him gentle by the wrist and looked at him( i love you i will always love i did this because i can protect you and i will protect you).

also there is no way that doumeki doesn't love yashiro or he is with someone else is yoneda trying to create anxiety on you and she is succeeding lol, she is aware of her fanbase and she is also aware of pleasing us and displeasing us.

i would like to hear your thought and opinions guys!:)

Hi there! Wow, you’ve been here very long! Thank you for your first public Saezuru comment and sharing some of your wisdom :) Well put, I agree with everything you said! Rereading the manga before new chapters come out is always so helpful because it puts things into a proper perspective.

You’re so right, they did flirt a lot in the beginning. They talked so much about their personal lives, and shared so many thoughts and ideas with each other. They also showed so much interest in the other; they didn’t just talk about themselves, they actually cared about the other person. It’s these simple gestures, the pauses - the acceptance, that convey romantic feelings. YK uses body language, dynamics, reactions, and everything in between to show the progression of Yashiro and Doumeki’s relationship. Sometimes there are brief internal monologues and confessions, but those parts are used to supplement what was already conveyed and understood through non-verbal storytelling.

It’s true, a confession isn’t always necessary. The impact of character development often goes down the toilet when you just have two characters in a room making one confession after another. Words don’t change opinions, actions do. Saying something is great, but what value does it have? What impact does it make if it’s not backed up by some tangible actions? Who’s going to believe you? If Doumeki told Yashiro, “I don’t want you to see Kido, because I don’t like how he treats you,” would that leave the same impact as throwing a grown man across a room and picking your lover off the floor? Portraying action is proof, but words are empty by nature.

That being said, I do think Yashiro and Doumeki will have an honest conversation eventually, otherwise it would leave a void. I know I just said words are empty by nature, but when you follow up an act with an explanation, you ascribe meaning and significance to it. If there is no meaning ascribed to behaviour, it could make people question the importance and validity of it. So, words are still important to solidify and clarify the significance and meaning of actions. Perhaps, the order of those two is important in good storytelling.

Oh YK would drop a golden apple into a room and watch the girlies fight over it for sureee. Love her though, would follow her into a cult

[takuyakistall]

omg!! ive been looking for a ymkr writer lately im so glad i came across ur blog!!! may i request cyrus giving the reader a kiss ?? thank u in advance aaa I RLY LOVE UR EMILIO FIC BTW 😳😳💓💓💓

Thank you so much! I'm glad I could feed some of the Yumekuro stannies out there ☺️ This may not be exactly what you wanted but I thought this was cute so I hope you like it nonetheless <3

Cyrus has never been a man who thought about romance so much as an average person. Being tasked with expeditions, missions, and such as a knight certainly proved to be a good distraction from those kinds of things. He's never thought about it during his knighthood up until now, and he probably preferred it that way – less distractions and more time to focus on his job and hobbies. Though when was there ever a time fate played along with someone's wishes? Cyrus would soon feel it toying with him once it adds another person into his life.

He never thought love could feel so warm and tender. It was very much unlike the countless nights he spent alone during expeditions where the cold would bite the tip of his fingers and give him frostbite. It was soft and gave him a warm feeling that blossomed in his chest; just like the first snow of a winter day. It was when he discovered how love can be so comforting that he decided to protect the one he puts closest to his heart. And, of course, you were that someone he was determined to protect from all the evil in the world. He would put himself in harm's way just to protect you – he'll go over and beyond, even.

Devoted; that was the one word someone could use to describe him. Unwavering loyalty and an abundance of faithfulness. There will never come a day when he would tear your heart apart, not when he cherishes it so preciously like fragile glass amidst a sea of fire. His touch was like lingering truths that begged to be said, a string of yearning words he couldn't bring himself to tell you face to face. It was alright, though. He was always more of someone that liked to present his feelings through actions, he was never one who matched well with flowery words unlike his brother.

A ring to remind him of his promise; his oath to you. He stared at the silver metal wrapped around his gloved finger, thinking of you just moments before the captain gave out the order to move out – he paused. He lifted his hand and brought it closer to his face, and his lips were barely ghosting over the ring as he closed his eyes. He pressed a gentle kiss, yearning and wishing to see you once more after this mission. His oath to you stayed closer than ever in his heart.

[khodorkovskaya]

so i started reading acts of desperation and im only on the second page by god it hits hardddd. i think im gonna need a physical copy to annotate everything bc there are so many quotes that speak to me. like look at all of this just from the first two pages:

"Is it possible to love someone without knowing them, by sight?

How can I describe what happened to me without the word love?

I stood in that gallery and felt not only sexual attraction (which I was aware of, dimly, as background noise) but what I can only describe as grave and troubling pity.

By this I don’t mean that I felt myself to be above him. For almost our entire life together I would consider Ciaran to be better than me in both essential and superficial ways.

By pity, what I mean is that just by looking at him I felt an acute tenderness for his condition: his being human. In that moment the basic affection and sorrow I feel for any human person was intensified to such a degree I could not breathe.

Even now, even after all that took place between us, I still can feel how moved I am by him."

literally! i understand this so deeply!

"He was the first man I worshipped. His body would become a site of prayer for me, a place where I could forget about my own living flesh and be only with his. It was a thing of total pleasure, total beauty."

yep...

"Being with other people was, to me, the feeling of being realised. This was why I wanted to be in love."

i feel like i wrote this. like this is exactly how i feel!

"All the suffering I had so far endured before I met Ciaran, I had endured like a child. This is not to say the suffering was not severe, which it was, or that I did not understand it, which I did. But before Ciaran I still contemplated suffering as something with meaning. I understood even the most inexplicable of tragedies as being imbued with some as yet unknown purpose.

It was my feeling that there were lucky people and unlucky people, and I was a lucky person. Even in my worst depressions, I had always known this. My misery seemed to come from knowing I was not good enough to warrant the objectively lucky life I had been given."

finally someone put it into words!

"My understanding was that every action would lead me to where I ought to be ultimately, and where I ought to be was in love."

like yes!!! that's exactly how i felt when i was with B. i felt like i was meant to be in love and that after everything that ive been thru love was like the end goal. and that's why i had to stay with him. bc it was my destiny, i had to be in love. my destiny was to be in love.

anyway i hope the rest of the book is good bc omg ive never related to anything more.

[allylikethecat]

ally! i do not know how you do it but with every ducklings update you make me feel even more sorry for our fictional!matty - as i am unable to wrap that man in a blanket (him being fictional and all that) i must insist that fictional!george take up that responsibility as soon as possible bc the poor guy really needs it.

also i love what an unreliable narrator he is bc whilst its very sad to see how insecure he is about his relationships with everyone right now it is also very satisfying for me and my love of angst🫡 the way you portray his anxiety & how overwhelmed he is right now with like everything is so so good and i just hope he gets some fictional!george cuddles soon bc this man is really going thru it!!!

i was so excited to see this update lol & you must know that you are single-handedly responsible for making tuesday my fave day of the week. also!! i apologise for my absence in ur asks as real life & surgery recovery has been kicking my ass but ATKH is quickly becoming my fave fic ever and i’m so loving how fictional!matty and fictional!george are developing in that one. it’s so fun and refreshing to see fictional!george’s POV and how obsessed he is becoming with fictional!matty lol (also that backstory is SO sad and i can’t believe ur only planning to make it SADDER)

to make this ask even more obnoxiously long…..talk shop tuesday!!! i’ve actually been thinking about this one for a while lol and it’s about fictional!george’s family in the infection-verse — i’m lowkey obsessed with that dynamic, especially between him and his sisters, and was wondering if you ever thought about them post christmas fic and if they ever interacted again or actually bother to show up at one of his shows and try and make amends, or does he kick them off the guest lists and cut them off completely??? (idk if u can tell but i love that fic and ive been thinking about it a lot!!!!)

hope you’re doing well!!!

—💌💌💌

AHHH HELLO DEAR 💌 ANON!

Never apologize for having a real life! I hope that your surgery went well and that you are on the mend! I am sending you all the love and good healing vibes and am so happy to see you in my inbox again!

Thank you so much for your kind words about the new Ducklings chapter! Fictional!Matty is truly a disaster and a half and well... it will be a little bit longer until we get to the blanket wrapping part but it will happen eventually! He just needs to make it worse and make some bad decisions first.

I LOVE unreliable narrators omg Fictional!Matty in Ducklings is one of the worst ones (he is only rivaled by Fictional!George in ATKH lol) and I love that we sometimes get to visit someone else's prospective and they're just like... he... needs help lol (It's also fun because in ATKH we *only* see unreliable narrator Fictional!George... we have *no idea* what Fictional!Matty is really like - just how he looks through the Fictional!George lens!)

AHHH Speaking of All the King's Horses- thank you SO MUCH for reading and I'm so honored that it is becoming one of your favorites - it is truly *my* favorite at the moment to work on and I get so excited every time I open the google doc - Fictional!Matty in that universe has just been given the absolute shortest straw in life and has been through so much in his 27 years. I was *so excited* for the chapter before last and to reveal what actually happened the night of the The Accident. If any of my Fictional!Matties needs a hug it is ATKH Fictional!Matty lol Hopefully he gets one soon (and hopefully he enjoys it while it lasts!)

HELL YEAH TALK SHOP TUESDAY I love the entire concept of Talk Shop Tuesday SO MUCH, so thank you EXTRA MUCH for sending me an ask about it! I'm so happy to hear you're still enjoying Infection Verse Fictional!Matty and Fictional!George - while ATKH might be my favorite at the moment that universe is just, so special to me and I love them so much I don't know how I will ever leave them behind. Now to answer your questions:

I think that things will always be tense between Fictional!George and his middle sister Olivia - she's just *a lot* and doesn't know how to admit she is wrong / make the first step in making amends. However, she and her *much* younger boyfriend Henry eventually break up and Henry DOES reach out to Fictional!George and Fictional!Matty to apologize for his role in how unwelcome they felt that Christmas. He comes to their shows when they play in his city. Olivia does not. Amelia (the oldest sister) and her husband Jack, just continue to send Christmas cards as if nothing has changed and therefore, Fictional!George DOES leave them on the guest list. They eventually show up with Rose and Grace at a show. They're never *close* but they do have a relationship and see each other when they're in the same place (especially after Ava is born.)

Thank you SO MUCH for sending in this incredible ask omg I apologize for writing you a novel in response! I got extremely excited lol I hope that you continue to enjoy my fics and that you have THE BEST week and that your Tuesday is also wonderful!

❤️Ally

[yesimwriting]

"(AH–i want to write a whole fic based on this line)" PLEASE DO??? omg i don't even have a breeding/possessiveness kink but i've been so hooked with that part, your mind>>>

a/n hehhe she's back from the dead (or is she?? lmao may disappear again right after posting? who knows, i def don't,, ive been writing i promise! i just get in my head and feel like my writing is bad and just dont finish anything lmao...if yall could see my drafts,, very full

oh!! also this anon is referencing a headcanon about pregnant with the darkling's baby (this post ),, more specifically this ask is about this line: "'are you already forgetting you're mine? that i own you, body and soul--is my child growing in you not enough of a reminder? because i'll give you another one if you need it."

also i feel the need to tell yall!! i dont have a breeding kink 👀or possessiveness kink--i mean who could--i--👀👀

anyways HAHA

Air as weighted as a bag of sand enters and exits my lungs with each of my uneven breaths. Relax...stress is the one thing everyone agrees I shouldn't experience. Not while I'm like this. At the reminder of why everything seems so precarious, my hand gravitates to the source of my complications. I rest my palm against my stomach, still unaccustomed to the hint of firmness that makes up the apex of my stomach. I'm not sure it'd be fair to call it a bump yet. It's just the slightest shift in my proportions, the prelude to an announcement that not even Genya could help me hide.

But for now, it's still relatively easy to keep what I now am private. Aleksander likes it that way, and I understand his reasons for keeping my pregnancy secret enough to be relatively indifferent to when the news comes out. Though on nights like these, I just want to rip off the corset Genya tightens around my torso each morning and tighten my loose dress. Let the entire world know that I'm pregnant--that I'm not without attachment.

Maybe that would be enough to prevent arguments like these. The silent types of fights seem to be the most brutal. The fights in which his mere presence is more violent than words ever could be. These fights have become rarer since I told him about my current condition, but there's one thing that no amount of understanding will ever rid him of. The type of jealousy born of a relationship meant to only exist behind closed door and in abandoned corridors.

"Darling." The quietness of his voice is severe enough to send a bolt of nerves straight through me. He'd never hurt me--with or without his child, I know that he'd never cause me physical harm. It's just his anger is so consuming, so unavoidable and draining. "Do not make this worse for yourself by attempting to delay the inevitable." He takes a step forward, allowing me to see his expression for the first time since he first wrapped long fingers around my forearm, pulling me away from someone who meant no harm. His expression is harsh, made of the shadows he controls. "You know what you did."

I swallow, letting my hand fall from my stomach. Different responses rise and die in the back of my throat. None of them seem like they'd diffuse the situation. I didn't do anything--that could either make him angrier at me or angrier at the poor guard that had been speaking to me. Nothing happened, is worse, and you're overreacting could be fatal. Besides...none of it feels as true as it should. Though everything I did was innocent in theory, I can't deny the fact that I had been irritated. I had...I'd felt forgotten, and with how busy Aleks has been, I couldn't think of a good way to do anything about it.

And then today, while I was feeling displaced and hormonal, and tired of being left behind...so I let myself entertain the idea of welcoming someone else's attention. It was nothing bad, no blatant flirting or forced laughter. Just the slight prolonging of a conversation. If the man escorting me had not noticed me trip...if he hadn't helped me regain my balance by placing a supportive hand on my waist, so close to Aleksander's child, I think I would have been able to ease him by being extra affectionate and feigning the need for a nap. If he had kept pushing, I would have made a joke about 'pregnancy brain' and then shifted the conversation to the discussion of our future. I'd have turned this into the conversation about baby names and how we'd turn the room that adjoined ours--the room that used be mine--into a nursery.

But I had stumbled in the garden, and one of the two guards required to walk with me when I want fresh air had saved from falling at the exact moment that Aleksander decided to look for me.

"I told you, I tripped and the guard did what you want them to do, he helped--"

"Do not speak of him." My mouth shuts, my lips pressing together into a cautious line. "Don't pretend that all you did was trip. I saw you two, you laughed with him." He crosses the distance he put between us, as in control as ever. A small part of me is shocked when the hand that comes to rest on my waist doesn't burn. "You let him touch you." Each syllable is punctuated, acidic. His fingers graze across the fabric of my dress before he spreads his palm across my stomach. "...You let him touch my child." All semblance of security evaporates from me for a brief moment, but dread does not take over. No, something sharp wedges itself between me and fear and it leaves my entire body hot. Hot in a way I haven't felt since the night I told him about what we created together. "Our child," he continues, moving his hand across the expanse of my stomach until he reaches its apex, "you'd think with a life we made growing inside you..." His other hand sneaks onto the small of my back, with the slightest bit of pressure, he pushes me forward, "You'd remember."

Swallowing back nerves, I force myself to not shrivel beneath his gaze. "Remember what?"

His hand trails up my back until he reaches my shoulder. I relax when he gives it a tentative squeeze, but then he allows his fingertips to trail across my collarbone and up my neck. A hint of warmth adds something behind his eyes, something secretly vulnerable. I exhale, relaxing into the path he's drawing across my skin as his thumb brushes my cheek. I exhale at the contact, a small part of me wondering what's eased him so. He's more nervous about his place in my life than I can understand; he's everything--powerful, attractive, caring in a silent way. And he's the one who keeps leaving earlier in the morning and disappearing until he comes back to me late at night.

I thought that the conversation we had after my pregnancy, the guarantee he gave me in a place by his side, we'd see each other more. But he's been so absent I can't help but feel that maybe he's starting to regret it. After all, he's talked so much of forever, of our family...and yet he brings up marriage only when it's convenient--

The firm squeeze against my jaw steals all of my thoughts. He tilts my head upwards, leaning so close to me that I can feel his breath on my against my skin. "You are mine in all ways."

Warmth spreads through me, more powerful than my nerves. And yet I can't loose myself in him the way my body yearns to. You are mine in all ways. His control is more absolute than anything. That's never bothered me before, never made me doubt...Why does it feel tainted now? Is it my hormones? Or--it's the way he's changed.

He notices, because he notices everything about me. "Something troubling you more than the trouble you're already in?"

The question isn't concern--it's an attempt to have all of my attention again. I tilt my head down as much as the grip on his hand will allow. "Yours in all ways, when you're not mine?" My voice comes out softer than I'd like, but at least the words are out. "I know what you're doing is important, but there's just so many people around you. All powerful and important and I..." My hand settles over my stomach, too aware of how permanent the situation I'm in us. "I'm just going to get bigger...and bigger...and more draining to be around, and you'll always have an excuse to disappear."

Aleksander frowns, face shifting from angry to something soft. It doesn't last. He lips tilt upwards, a malicious smile playing at his lips. "Dove, was this all a cry for attention?" An artificial sweetness poisons the air between us. He tilts my head upwards even more, forcing me to stare at him. "Foolish, foolish girl. You need me, don't you?" He pauses, looking at me like I'm something to be pitied. It might be the look behind his eyes or my tiredness, but I nod. "I stop doting on you for a moment so that I can prepare for our future--the future of our baby--and you manage to forget that you've captured every part of me--the good and the bad." Something in me eases at the reassurance. They're just words, and I know how little that means to him, but they help. "Trust me this once, and I will spend eternity proving you right for it."

I exhale, absorbing the tenderness he briefly offers. "I do." He's watching me carefully. "I will--I just think I'm hormonal, or something."

He hums once, pulling me even closer to him. "That's all you have to say?" Aleksander's breath is warm against already flushed skin. "You know I've been particularly patient given what you're doing for me, but you know what you did. You felt like i was losing my care for you, and so you decided to anger me--and now you'll have to deal with that." I feel myself frown. "Don't pout--you brought this onto yourself." He sighs. "Open." I know better than to push any further. My lips part on instinct. He maneuvers his hand so that he can press his thumb into my mouth. "Close." I shut my mouth, letting the tip of my tongue graze the pad of his finger. He pulls his hand away with no warning, letting a thin trail of saliva connecting his thumb and my bottom lip. "Good girl, I knew you still knew how to behave."

"I didn't--"

"Don't speak," he warns, voice dangerous again. "Are you already forgetting you're mine? that i own you, body and soul--is my child growing in you not enough of a reminder? because i'll give you another one if you need it."

I inhale sharply, nerves pulsing through me once again. My silence seems to appease him, because Aleksander closes the distance between us. The hunger in him is clear, the kiss consuming everything as he walks us back, forcing me against a wall. He pulls away much too soon and yet much too fast. I'm panting, my lips are swollen, and yet all I want is more. "Aleksander--"

"How naive could you be, thinking I'd want you less like this...my baby, our child in you?" I swallow, nerves pooling in my stomach. "How could you think I'd want you less when the evidence of the fact that I fucked a baby into you is impossible to hide? When it becomes impossible to deny that you are mine and I am yours?"

His hand tangles itself into the root of my hair, when he pulls on it I can't fight the noise that escapes me. His lips are against my jaw, moving down my neck at a pace that's unbearable. He continues like this until all of me is burning for him and I no longer have the energy to attempt to suppress the moans leaving my lips. Aleksander lifts his head, a hint of something genuine coloring his smile. His lips press against mine again. I loose myself in his lips, the feel of them, his warmth, the way he knows where to brush his tongue. His pace is agonizing. Something in me snaps, I reach forward in a lust-filled haze, pulling at his clothes.

"Aleksander."

His hand leaves my neck in favor of gripping my wrist. He then straightens entirely, moving me off of him with a graceful ease. "Oh, Dove, you didn't think I'd be able to give you what you want after the way you've behaved today."

No. No. He's not implying what I think he is, he couldn't be this cruel to me...this upset. "I'll never do it again." He tsks once, shaking his head at my desperation. "I'm sorry, I truly am...and I'd be happy to show you how apologetic--"

He cuts me off my squeezing the apple of my cheek. "As amusing and fulfilling as it would be to watch you try to seduce me, it'd do me no well to spoil you now, especially when I have a meeting."

"Please--"

He takes my hand, tenderly pressing his lips against the back of my palm, over and over again until I am lost to the sensation. My breath hitches. "Consider this the first part of your lesson on patience." A pathetic, practically teary moan escapes me. He flips my palm in his hands before taking my middle and index finger into his mouth. The sensation and the way he's looking at me is so erotic my head is left spinning. He pulls my fingers away from his parted lips slowly, letting his tongue slide the length of them. "And no touching yourself--I will be checking when I return."

He can't leave my like this. Desperate and needy and likely without release for hours. "Aleks, please--"

"The more you beg, the more I know you need this." The cold way he releases my arm leaves my eyes stinging. He turns as if nothing has happened, leaving before I can think of anything worth saying.

[phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust]

It annoys me when people complain about Julian and call him “whiny “. The person that John hurt the most throughout his whole life is his own son! I feel like this gets glossed over because he was more attentive to Sean “At least he was a good father to one of his children”. John failed Julian massively. Having Sean should’ve motivated him to try harder with Julian but I feel like it demotivated him because he realised how much of Julian’s life he missed and that made him feel bad about himself. Even in May’s book she says that John would’ve avoided Julian for the rest of his life to avoid feeling bad about himself & the choices he made with his life. And even when he got his visa he was happy to fly to other countries but not the country containing his son! I mean c’mon that’s very shitty and inexcusable. People can’t relate to John’s callous treatment of Julian so it’s downplayed and undermined by the excuse of “Oh well, John was better with Sean”. I know John appeared more motivated towards the end but doesn’t absolve him of the damage and pain he already caused to his son.

I try to understand John’s neglect of Julian from his perspective - I don’t want to excuse or justify it, but I still want to know what was going through his head to make him treat Julian the way he did - but I just can’t really understand it in the same way I feel like I can empathise with a lot of John’s other flaws. Like I feel like I can understand Johns mistreatment of certain people, or his mood swings, or his anger etc. But when it comes to Julian I struggle to understand him, and I just think its such a shame that Julian never got the closure he deserved with John. But I guess a few things to keep in mind when discussing this are:

1. Alfs abandonment

That Johns father, Alfred, abandoned him at such a young age, this might have affected John in such a way that made connecting with children a real challenge. Of course, he ideally still would’ve made an effort to connect with Julian more - but I guess that this was 1963, and he was someone who at this point had had absolutely no therapy. John’s own father I think was placed in an orphanage around the age of 5, so this neglect and abandonment appeared to be a bit of a cycle within the Lennon family-tree. Alf didn’t develop the neurones to be able to connect with his son the way a father ideally should be able to, and therefore John had trouble forming these connections too.

A real tragic story regarding this disconnect is one that ive heard Paul tell a few times (see this interview at 6:24 to hear him tell it). He essentially compares his ability to just naturally connect with children, to John’s inability to do the same; Paul grew up in a household where children and babies alike were around all the time - and in addition to this, there seemed to have been a lot more affection involved in his early environment compared to Johns. So when Paul was able to pal around at ease with Julian, John asked “How do you do that?” - and its unfortunately just not something you can just learn. I think John did want to be able to relate to Julian, and a part of him wanted to be a real dad - but I guess he just lacked the initiative to do so, as well as not having the needed facilities provided for him to be able to function as “good” parent (< or in other words, that man needed alottttttttt of therapy omg—)

2. Aunt Mimi’s coldness

I think by now its sort of been established that im not Mimi’s no. 1 fan - I don’t hate her, and I think she genuinely loved John, but ive been pretty critical of what I perceive her parenting style to be like. One aspect of this parenting style is that I think she was cold and deprecating towards John, which I presume took a toll on his relationships in such a way that made him susceptible to cynicism and even bitter contempt towards those he loved most.

“She never hit him: her worst punishment was to ignore him…When she did, he’d plead, ‘Don’t ‘nore me, Mimi!’” - I think that this type of parenting style could have effected the way John relates to Julian, perhaps making him feel it was okay to abandon him, maybe as a result of some unrecognised childhood angst or revenge.

Theres also a story where I think John said something to Julian a long the lines of, “I hate your laugh!”. Like, Jules was just some four year old living his life and then John, his own father, had this massive fucking mood swing. I feel bad for Julian cause my parents were like this (had random fucking mood swings and said some pretty contemptuous things) so I can empathise with him. At the same time though, I feel like I can understand John getting these mood swings (although, I don’t think that showing that kind of contempt towards a child is at all acceptable, and assuming that this sort of thing was a regular occurrence, I would say he was emotionally abusive towards Julian. Maybe John got these mood swings from Mimi (check this post for more on that).

3. Yoko’s influence and isolation

I think we first have to take into account here that John had a history of neglecting and failing Julian, and from what im aware of, he only started making contact with him again during his ‘Lost Weekend’ after being encouraged to do so by May Pang. So I don’t think we can make Yoko take all the blame for Johns neglect of Julian (and certainly not his emotional abuse towards Julian). But I think we have to also account for the fact that Julian has stated Yoko would refuse to put him through when he would ring his dad. And I just don’t know how much John had to do with that - as in, I don’t if John knew Yoko was isolating him to the extent that she did, or if he was unaware that she was rejecting several important and significant figures in his life.

For what its worth, Julia Baird wrote in her memoir of John urging (or really, begging) her to go to Cynthias house and ask Julian to phone him, because he hadn’t been able to get through to Julian, and he was trying to construct a better relationship with him around this time (this was before Sean was born, like you said, he seemed to lose motivation with Julian after Sean was born). I don’t know why Julian wasn’t taking his calls around this time - John seemed to think it had something to do with Cynthia, perhaps it was an autonomous decision made by Julian, perhaps it was entirely just a misunderstanding; I don’t know.

When it comes to Yoko, im conflicted - to some extent, I think John was being manipulated by her, and she was clearly isolating (even abusing) him - but also, he’s a grown man, and so he had to take the initiative for his own life. So I don’t know, but id say she is still partly responsible for spoiling Johns relationship with Julian.

~ ~ ~

At the end of the day, all I can really say is that John was just a classic case of parents needing therapy before they start, y’know, parenting - but it was 1963, and thats just not something most people underwent back then, especially people with more complex and unrecognised traumas, as well as mental illnesses that, whilst prevalent, may not have been so apparent. To clarify that point, I think John could function well-enough in his day to day life to be able to get by, because I don’t think his traits of mental illness tended to disrupt his life to such a degree that he could not function (at least not in 1963, though in later years, id argue more so they did; but even still, I don’t think John tended to struggle with mania or psychosis etc.) But I think he was still dealing with mental illness in a way that wrecked almost all meaningful relationships for him, as well as made feeling love and functioning as an emotionally stable and consistent person, a real hardship and challenge for him. And this inability to feel loved and cared for etc. made being a parent, quite simply, impractical. He needed therapy, and its a shame he died before ever receiving real therapy because it would’ve been interesting to see how John might have come to terms with really acknowledging his failures as a parent, and because Julian might have gotten some real closure with his dad.

All in all, I think Phillip Larkin said it best

[hitoshisbabygirl]

Author's Notes ♡: Hello hello! Welcome to my first JJK fic for our free for all Valentine’s Day collab! I had fun with this free idea , I always wanted to do an AU like this so it gave me a bases for future ideas! Enjoy~ bunny ❥

Warnings : None! Some heavy kissing and such but nothing too explicit , Yuuji and Sukuna are twins ♡

Word count : 3.8k

Paring(s) : Tattooist!Sukuna x F! Reader

Enjoy ♡

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Sukuna couldn't stand it, the girl his brother brought over to his shop plagued his mind. Wide eyed and just as happy as Yuuji it was infuriating how energetic the pair was in the tattoo shop. He was used to the sound of his brother asking for him but once he hear a second voice his hand twitches , eyes moving from the drawing in front of him as his appointment in front of him practically was begging fro his attention, occasionally trying spark up a conversation as he drew out a rose, planned for her collarbone “So, did all of you tattoos hurt?” The girl asked, pushing herself closer as he continued to stech, not paying her much mind. “No, I guess i've always had tough skin though.” He said as the girl hummed and giggled continuing her talking “I've been afraid of needles for as long as I could’ve remembered, but maybe this'll get me over my fear huh?” she questioned as all he did was hum, finishing the small design. “Maybe. Is this okay?” He asked her as she gasped, her giggling increasing to his dismay

“Omg i love it! You're a good worker with your hands” She said as he started to get ready, popping off his rings as he put on gloves, running up red and black inks for the rose to be. “Your right shoulder, right?” Sukuna asked as she confirmed, moving her shirt a bit too low to try to entice him. Pushing more of it back up, Sukuna placed and got the stencil ready, finally looking up to the girl “Tell me if there's anything wrong okay ?” He said as she gave him an almost hungry look “oh please i sure will” And with that he started the tattoo, the girl he was tattooing letting out small cries and gaps. Every one of the sounds made him stop, checking on her as the girl tried to act differently but he knew she was in pain. Once the girl stopped in a crying spell and was able to calm down from the help of the giant tattooist “s-sorry i didn't know my collar bone was so sensitive” she said as he said she was okay, starting to go back to her tattoo once everything was better with the girl. Once finished , she started to pay when she started to hit on him again “ I'm still sorry for that whole thing , how about I get you a drink for the troubles huh?” She threw at him as he gave her a small smile “I have more clients later, and i'd rather not drink, don't really like to unless its special'' Sukuna responded as the girl admired her new rose that covered a small portion of her chest and collarbone “ How about we go celebrate my new tattoo? And the fact you helped me through it huh?” She suggested. Before he could respond he heard the high pitched sounds of laughter. Looking up to his door he saw his annoying brother but with one of the most beautiful girls he ever saw. Once finishing the payment with his client and her sliding her number on a piece of paper his brother came up with his friend “Hey Su! I want you to meet my bestfriend [ ]!” his hyper twin brother Yuuji said as Sukuna looked at the girl in front of them. She looked to be their age , shorter than him with a few tattoos and dyed hair herself. “Nice to meet you young lady”

Sukuna said as he took her hand, giving it a kiss. [ ] giggled as Yuuji fake choked, his brother rolling his eyes at him “ What? Not my fault you've never brought her around me, she's a lady, gotta give her a proper introduction right?” Sukuna teased as Yuuji grumbled causing [ ] to laugh “Well nice to properly meet you Sukuna , ive heard so much about the woman lure bad boy whos the polar opposite of his sweet and innocent twin” She teased as he gave her his own smirk “ Yet i know nothing of the cute little girl standing in front of me” Sukuna lashed back as [ ] felt her face heat up, a laugh coming from her. His brother pouted he stood in front of his brother , giving him a knowing look. “I brought her here for a tattoo, idiot” He said as Sukuna gave him a raised eyebrow, looking at the girl beside him “Is that right doll? Came here for a tattoo?” He asked as she gave him a shy smile back “Well erm, i kinda wanted to start a sleeve with you if that's alright?” with widened eyes Sukuna and Yuuji were surprised together, the strawberry blondes both looking as the girl gave them a confused look back “What? Is that bad?” She asked as sukuna kicked in “Nah, i'm surprised that you'd choose me ,i'm not the usual girly tattoo sleeve maker” He said as she gave him a smile, “And i'm not your usual girly girl who just wants flowers and shit as my tattoo” She retorted back as he gave her an impressed smirk, ushering her to the back of his studio room “You can come too twerp” he said to his brother as yuuji ran to join them, headed to the back room.

This became a recurring theme as over the next few days and even weeks , Sukuna and [ ] met to talk about her new additions, adding and removing elements as they started to get a good picture of what they both thought looked the best together, some ideas being saved for other single tattoos. “So how do you like it so far sweetheart?” Sukuna asked as [ ] gave him an enthusiastic squeal, moving over the turned drawing desk as she fell forward to hug the tattooed covered man. Shocked by her random falling grasp he chuckled, catching her so she wouldn't hit her hip on the swerving table and half giving her a hug back as they laughed together. [ ] pulled back some as she started to notice more differences between the twins. Starting with Sukunas face ; it was more clear and sunkissed, small freckles adorned his cheeks from the sunshine. Unlike his twin, she noticed how more stocky and strong his body and face was compared to Yuuji. The twins were pretty much identical , except for how they acted, the fact that Sukuna had tattoos and the sometimes usual differences between twins, like style and other small discrepancies. Unlike the bright and colorful yet athletic look Yuuji had , Sukuna tended to be more of a dark artsy look, usually black clothes , ripped jeans , rings and chains. He tended to give off the usual bad boy vibes, someone who you wouldn't want your parents to meet.

But under his hard exterior he was very personable , just as sweet as his twin. As she was lost in her own thoughts , her hands pushing off his chest he snapped her back to reality, a finger going under her chin as he gave her a gentle smile , catching the girl in midthought of her tattooist “Aren't you something….what's on your mind [ ]” He rasped out as her eyes widened, realizing how close they were. From the standing mirror she could really see it ; one of her thighs was in between his spreaded ones, the other in his right arm. From her arms wrapped around his neck her face was close to his, the two of them slightly chest to chest. Her body felt hot as the male in front of her smirked, meeting her eyes in the mirror as he looked at the scene in front of him too. Eyeing her in the mirror he could imagine the work to be put atop her skin, and how pretty she'd be in his work, the thought gave him a sense of protectiveness and overall close bond with the girl he was around for more than he'd had before. Spending hours a day , almost everyday except his super packed days had gotten him a closer bond with her and even with his twin brother, the group of them and their other friends relaxing and enjoying time together. The little things that they all did together made him realize how much he enjoyed taking a break. And how much he'd fallen for his new client.

Coming from his own thoughts he pulled her right leg higher onto his lap, causing her to fall forward as she gasped, their faces impossibly closer. “Hm...youre pretty when youre flustered..” he said absentmindedly as he looked back to them in the mirror ,wrapping an arm around her waist as he gave her a sly smile, moving back into the chair he sat in “S-sukuna?” [ ] questioned as he hummed, sliding his eyes from the mirror to her questioning ones. Tracing the hand on his chest he rose a brow, a silent sign to continue. “I-I can get down. I'm sorry i was a little excited-” She continued as she started to move. With quick ease Sukuna kept her in place, rubbing the back of her thigh as he leaned in, pulling her closer by the backs of her thighs “I like you here. You don't have to move unless you're uncomfortable” He said as she ran a hand through his messy hair, sliding it to his cheek as he laid his head in it, kissing her palm. With the small caring action she squeaked , making the male chuckle “Am i...moving too fast” He said , his voice barely a whisper as he tightened his grasp on her waist, eyes searching hers.

“N-no i'm just...surprised?” She half questioned as he gave a knowing smile, shifting her weight to completely have her in his lap. With a high pitched squeal and giggles [ ] landed comfortably , her calves hanging off as her thighs tightened around his waist. “See, isn't this more comfortable?” He asked as she shyly hid in his neck, overwhelmed by his random acts of affection “Sukuna...are you trying to just make me embarrassed” She whined as he stroked her back, putting her face deeper in his neck “Mh..no not particularly..kinda just...thinking” He said as he pulled his phone out. Facing the mirror he took a silent picture, a smirk on his lips as he looked it over. her body was perfectly flushed with his , her arms around his neck as the tattoo down her side was more prominent in the picture. From the way it looked was just a couple taking a handsy photo but for Sukuna, it was a seal for how he felt. He wanted to take more pictures like this, but with them being together. Mirror selfies, clothes or even more explicit for his own gallery ; he loved the way they looked together. Noticing how quiet he was [ ] sat up looking at the male as he set his phone up facing the mirror before squishing her face “Everything okay?” She asked with a squished face as he laughed , releasing her cheeks “I love this..” He admitted as she gave him a wide eyed look , his warm ones looking away from hers

“I know..all of this could be seen as a very lewd way to admit my feelings but..honestly i'm used to just having women want me for free tattoos and well..yknow..my talents'' Sukuna said as he gave her a crooked smile, a laugh coming from [ ] as she understood what he meant, but the fact that he's admitting feelings for her made her heart flutter “S-so you like me?” She asked warily as he let out a light sigh, leaning up to put their faces close again “Hey [ ]...i know this is awkward and embarrassing...for me at least...but..may i kiss you?” He whispered over her lips as she silently shook her head, letting her eyes feel heavy as he got closer, rubbing their lips faintly together. As soon as she tighten her arms around his neck he pushed his record on his phone, sealing their lips together. As the two started to make out he tightened his hands around her waist, a low hum coming from his throat as he bit her bottom lip, sliding his tongue in. the more heated it got the more she whimpered, pulling her kiss plumped lips away from his. Groaning he chased her lips, crashing them against his as they started to kiss again. Letting her nimble fingers move up from his neck she tugged at his hair at the back of his nape, making the male growl as he rocked her closer to him, his larger arms wrapping over her waist.

Once again she whined and pulled away, putting her head against his “Sukuna...I..geez you-” trying to catch her breath he gave an airsh laugh. Ending his video. Catching him touch his phone [ ] reached for it “What did you do?” She asked as he held the phone above his head, watching them kiss again as he grinned “Oh nothing..just wanted my confession is all” He said as she gave him a look “[ ]..i really do like you...god i could say i'm almost in love…” “Almost?” She whispered as he kissed her lips again “More like i am but..i dunno how you feel about me” He said as she gave him a soft look, kissing his cheek “I love the time we've spent together, and well, if you'll have me i'll be yours” She responded. A wide smile on his face as he leaned back in to kiss her, the new couple giggling through the sessions as they finalized the rest, starting on the masterpiece they had crafted together.

Starting on her sleeve was one of the most enjoyable things she had done. Every few weeks to a month depending on the healing time she was adding her next piece. As she finished all of her linework it came to coloring her colorful bits. For the next few months again she finished it, all while spending time with her tattooist boyfriend and friends. As she was to the final stretch of heer coloring she knew valentines day was coming up more and more. Her and Sukuna had been dating for around a year now, just a few weeks shy of it. As she came to the shop she waved to the receptionist, giving him a smile “Hey Megs, how are you?” Megumi, the inky haired boy looked up from his journal and gave [ ] a rare smile, “Hey [ ]! I'm good ,how are you today? Sukunas is in the back if youre ready for him” He said as she gave him smile “That's good! I'm so excited my tattoo should be done just in time for valentines day! Speaking of, do you have an idea of your valentine this year?” She teased as he gave her a shy look “Ah...not particularly but maybe once it came i would” He said as she gave him a nod in understanding. Hearing his girlfriend talking Sukuna came out, a grin on his lips “Hey babe” He said as he gave her a kiss to her neck, causing Megumi to groan as she giggled “Cmon dont make him uncomfortable with your affection, lets go big boy” She joked as she took her strawberry blonde to his room “Ah okay babe let me see your arm” Sukuna started as she took of his jacket, revealing her sleeveless crop top and work of art on her left arm. Turning her arm some he looked over her lines and color deposits , making sure everything looked right. “Its coming along nicely [ ]..i just have this little pieces on your forearm and we'd be done with piece” He said happily as she gave him a soft smile “I love it...just as much as i love you” She said as he looked up from her arm , giving her a shy smile “I love you more [ ]”

Sukuna said as he leaned up, kissing her lips as he set up his inks and machine, snapping his gloves as he started to finish her last pieces. As the buzzing of the machine lulled her comfortingly she caught the determined and concentrated look on his face as he tattooed away “Where do you wanna go on valentine's day...hypothetically speaking” Sukuna asked randomly as she started to fill in lines. Blinking comically, she looked down at her boyfriend. “Anything youd come up with” She said as he hummed, finishing up the last color as he wiped it clean, starting to clean up the ink and smaller tears in her skin hidden by the fresh ink. “Princess...thank you for letting me be the one that did your art…” He said as he traced her hand , kissing her fingertips as he flashed her a smile. “I love you more Su..” [ ] whispered back as she leaned forward, kissing his forehead.

As the two sat there in his studio and talked [ ] drew up a heart with their names in it , giggling as she showed her boyfriend “Look babe!” She said as he stopped cleaning his desk, analyzing her work “I like it, a lot. You did a great job sizing wise, and i always loved your cursive” he said as he ran a finger over the art again “You said you wanted to get better at tattooing, right?” Sukuna asked as he still looked over the design “Yeah i did, what about it?” [ ] asked as he stretched , reaching over as he pulled out his darkest black ink and vibrant red. Soon he picked up two pairs of gloves and one of his various machines “Ill let you do this on me, and i can do it on you if youd like” He said as she gave him a happy screech, starting to make the transfers “Really Sukuna, youd let me do that?” She asked as he nodded, prepping an empty space on his arm “Ill help you, make sure its deep enough but i trust you, you did a good job with the smaller ones on yourself. Youre good sweetheart im here “ And thats what he says the whole time she tattoos him, her lines were straight but she felt like her red names were lacking. Tracing them again the darken, showing up beautifully as she focused, holding his skin apart as she smiled at her work, wiping the access ink and covering it in ointment like he did earlier “I did it!” She jumped happily as he gave a satisfied grin, looking at her energetic girlfriend. ‘I love her’ he thought to himself as he thought of what hed do for her in the coming weeks for the day filled of love

On valentines day [ ] was at home, talking to Nobara as she heard a knock on her door. Telling the girl she'd call back, [ ] started at the door and opened it, seeing a giant bouquet of flowers as she took them nicely from the delivery boy “Uhhh miss [ ] correct? The sender also wanted you to have this” The boy fumbled with a note, handing it to the girl as she thanked him , watching him leave as she let out a happy squeal, reading it.

‘Dollface, I hope you're ready for tonight, I have a lot in store for us tonight. How about you wear that cute little black dress you got last time we went to the mall hm? I'll be over at four-SKR”

Giggling at his note she looked at the time, noting it was 2:00, she went to the back, starting to get dressed as she was excited to see what her boyfriend had planned for them. She took the time to curl her hair, setting them as she worked on her makeup. After taking the time she saw it was around 3:45. She smiled as she got a text from him, saying he was on his way. As she happily ran around her apartment , trying to get rid of the jitters she had for the night planned with her boyfriend. Soon she heard a knock on the door. Skipping to the dor she opened it to her tall boyfriend leaning against the frame, looking down at his girlfriend “Hi darling” Sukuna said as she stood on her toes , giving him a peck against his lips as she giggled “Hi” She responded as he wrapped his arms around her waist , kissing the crook of her neck. “Missed you..” He whispered as she hummed, rocking with him as they stumbled into her living room, Sukuna shutting her door behind him as he picked her up. Laughing , [ ] held onto him, looking down to her well dressed partner. He was in a black vest, adorned with red decals and black pants. Despite him wearing nicer clothes it had the same grudge feel to it, ringed fingers and pierced ears filled with glistening metals very promedent in his attire. As she gave him a glance over from being held in his arms he rose a brow and placed her down, giving her an uncharacteristic shy look “Do i look alright?....tried something new since ill be taking you out” He asked as she kissed his cheek, giving him a content smile “I love it. You still have that edge I fell in love with laced through and through” [ ] said as Sukuna felt his heart jump, a warmth creeping up his neck and face as he kissed her face, taking her hand “Well then...i'm very thankful with a woman like you in my life...thank you [ ]..you ready to go?” Sukuna softly asked as he outstretched a hand to her, making [ ] playfully laugh. Taking her ringed at tattooed lovers hand the duo set off, starting their first Valentines Day together.

Once night rolled around most had been finished [ ] and Sukuna found themselves on a hilltop, overlooking a city as they ate a snack basket that Sukuna prepared. Not only was he a tattooist but he could cook, and cook very well. “If I didn't have the urge to tattoo every square inch of my body with art maybe i'd be a cook” He laughed as she constantly complimented his cooking, laying her head on his shoulders. “This is wonderful Sukuna..ive really enjoyed today” [ ] said as he gave her a look before peering back at the city “I know how much you hated today so...I wanted to do something for you to love it” Sukuna said as she moved up, looking in his warm eyes as he reached out of his pocket, his phone showing their first accidental mirror picture they took together evident as his lockscreen. As he pulled the next thing to it, a shiny ring filed with her birthstone “This is for you, a promise to you” Tilting her head she took the beautiful ring and placed it on her finger, watching it glisten in the moonlight “A promise for what?” she asked “Ill never leave you, and one day...maybe...we could make that promise permanent” He said as he took her hand in his , pulling her in his lap as he sealed that promise with a kiss.

[manchesterau]

my thoughts after reading my policeman: SPOILERSS of course!! (ignore spelling or grammar mistakes) (this is very ramble-y and not as in depth as it could have been sorrryyy lol, if you want specifics send me an ask after reading this)

okay...so i read the book in 3 days....which....im very proud of myself bc it takes me so long to finish books but that’s not why you are reading this.

im not going to lie to you...i liked the book. i love angst, and this had plenty of it and i liked it. if you like books such as: harry potter, six of crows, red queen, red white and royal blue you will not like this book. i know many people found it boring, which yeah i can see that, but i didn't find it boring at all. but mostly because i love boring books but that's beside the point. 

the book flowed easily, there isn't a bunch of raunchy sex scenes that ive seen people say it has (i...the things ive read idk what book they even read????) and Tom does has backward views on marriage and what it means to be a wife. but he is not overtly sexist or misogynist or abusive, or subvertly those things either. to be frank he's a scared gay man in the 50s trying to not get caught and thrown in jail. that's literally it. (ill go more into detail on him later). but if you want to read this book i recommend you go in knowing that there will be homophobia (the word queer is used as a slur....3 times or 4 but no more than 5), expect outing, expect not supportive characters, and remember to have some compassion (more on this later).

next i want to go into characters: starting with tom, then Marion, then Patrick, and then the other characters. so if you are planning on reading this book or just dont want to be spoiled them....don't read the next bit.

Tom:

I'm going to get this out of the way.........Tom (who we never get to know outside of the two-point of views we are presented with, and who is being played by Harry) is a police officer in the 50s UK. to be frank when the rumors first went around I was mad like a lot of people were, which is funny because when we got those pictures of harry reading the book before all the speculation we were....happy, that he was reading a book about a gay man. now...I don't care honestly. I could call out the hypocrites (i won't) and honestly I'm hypocritical myself. I use to watch shows like svu (if you were to turn it on right now I wouldn't turn it off) and I enjoyed watching svu. I know and have seen a lot of mutuals, people on my dash enjoy cop shows like b99, or who like actors who have played the character of police before. so it would be hypocritical of me to be mad at him (this is just my single black opinion) and then go and turn on svu (which I don't do anymore). 

I'm not saying that no one can be mad, I'm not saying that the anger people have at him playing this role is bad or not needed or valid. all I'm saying is.....is that I don't care. I got angry over this months ago, and all that anger I felt I don't have anymore, and I can't tell you why. Harry is playing an abusive demented husband who traps his wife in a simulation, and then he will play a gay policeman trying not to face persecution..........and that's that. nothing I can say will reach him, he's playing these roles and there is nothing I can do. will I watch them (pirating of course) yes.

anyways let's get back to tom's character (do not use my opinion to silence other black people I will find you....don't do that shit weirdo): tom is......tom?? like I literally was expecting the worst when I read this because of what other people had to say. but as I'm reading him through the eyes of Marion (his wife) and through the eyes of Patrick (his...true love, fuck the 50s I hate the 50s) one word came to mind constantly: scared. Tom is very scared that he will be found out and his life will be ruined. His family knows about him, which is why I think his father (more on him later) pushed him to be in the national service (where he was a cook, which disappointed him). you don't realize his family knows and then his sister says something and then you go 'wait....THEY KNEW???' and then you will go 'oh so that's why-' 

tom does have old fashion views that you would expect of any man at that time (gay or not it's the 50s and gay men are still capable of saying sexist shit). when asked by Patrick if women should still work after having a kid he said no it's the men's job to provide, Marion said she would like to keep working, he said no when they do have a baby (they literally never did, and idk why he thought he could be intimate with her for that long to produce a baby lol). that's....the most sexist thing he said in the whole book (there maybe some small things im forgetting but nothing that really stood out). that's it. I know it's not small and that was a legitimate issue in the 50s but yeah. Just in case you were apprehensive about Tom's character being a raging woman-hater, no,....he just wasn't a true feminist yet (???? I don't know that's like..the most this book says about an issue women were facing at this time). It's still bad what he said (you'll see how Marion justifies it in the book and both Patrick and her don't agree and try and challenge him on his view).

i dont want to go too in depth but it is very obvious from the beginning he has no and i mean ZEROOOO interest in her at all (you can tell when it hits him that he needs a wife and he starts to act a littleee different but it's not romantic at alll). 

i feel like my review on tom is shit but like!! we don't really get to know him without bias from Patrick and Marion. I think Harry will play a wonderful Tom (even tho he doesn't not fit the description for Tom...at all....like at alllll).

To summarize Tom: very scared gay man from the 50s who is trying to do everything he can to not be found out. his family knows, even he knew at a young age, and yes he does quit being a police officer but it doesn't happen as soon as id like but then again he wasn't one for that long if you pay attention to the years.

Marion:

😑 

i just...if yall could see the notes i made on her.....

To summarize Marion: SHE IS LIVING IN LALA LAND, TOM LITERALLY SHOWS HER NO ROMANTIC INTEREST AT ALLL, AND WHEN SHE METS PATRICK FOR THE FIRST TIME SHE FREAKING NOTICES THAT HE'S ALL BLUSH-Y AND SHIT LIKE...GIRL.....

this is a note i wrote that sums up her and tom's relationship (which is more like friends then anything romantic i mean god their honeymoon was horrible and he proposed to her....nvm 😑)

listen...i can't lie and say i didn't feel sorry for her up until the end when she (spoilers: she outs patrick to his employer which ends up with him getting arrested). after that...ive never hated a character more in my fucking LIFEEEE like oh my god i was pissed

all she does is have fantasies about him being romantic with her (holding hands, hugging, etc) and none of them come true...BECAUSE HES GAYYYYYY i really....the author could have done a better job because there were so many damn red flags.

she's fucking annoying and whiny and yeah it sucked to be a woman in the 50s but you literally outed someone your husband was in love with and thought that you could just go back to being married like he's not devastated and instead of telling what you did you stayed unhappy and made your husband thing that at any point they were coming for him too.......*****

Patrick:

PATRICKKKKK

Patrick and tom deserved a fighting fucking chance i hate the fuck 50s fuck you 50s!!!! I absolutely LOVEDDD his pov and seeing Tom through his pov like it was just so damn refreshing seeing the world through his eyes and how he navigates his queerness in the society they live in. (the dichotomy between a proud gay man and a scared maybe proud but fear overrules that (talking about Tom here) gay man).

There was a lot more to say on how gay men were being persecuted at this time than how women were treated in this particular book. There were some little things here and there about what was expected of Marion as a wife and of a girl/woman at that time but it wasn't the focus.

I loved seeing the way Patrick navigated through his world of art and creativity. And how Tom seemed to fit right in with him.

I hate the things the author made Patrick go through (outed, sent to prison, stripped of his job, and later on in the present day he has had 2 strokes in his 70s). it felt a bit much but it's not too distracting (Patricks pov takes place in the past as he writes in his journal). 

Patrick and Julia (more on her later) are my two favorites in the whole book (Tom is third bc he's a very multi-facted character, Marion is not even on the list) and I wish we got a lot more of Patrick's pov.

Other characters!! (speed round bc this is wayyy too long):

Syvlie (Tom's sister): SYVLIEEE IM MAD AT YOUU I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU WHYY WHYYY

Julia: JULIAAAAA QUEEENNN (you'll see why i love her at the end) 

Tom's parents: his father is abusive point-blank. or at least i think he's abusive (verbally). as im writing this i am now realizing that the way Tom's mom reacts to him (sometimes crying) is bc they knew he was gay omg wow.

tom's dad is very much a man's man guy?? Picture a sexist man from the 50s....now picture him with a gay son.....yeah, I'm not surprised Tom went into national service then to the police force. you can tell he didn't want anyone to find out about Tom so he pushed him to do what he thought best and Tom went with it, scared. 

overall: please do not go into this book expected things to be all flowers and rainbows...this is a book about two gay men in the 50s yall.....

there is something to be said about the tragedy that is in a lot of queer stories, I'm more interested in how white these stories are (that's a rant for another time). but I don't mind my policeman, and i think stories like this should be told. because this actually happened (here is a link to em forster's story where the author takes inspiration from, he really had an affair with a policeman!!! who had a wife!!!).

the ending is bittersweet, and i couldn't help but curse for what could have been. Marion could have not outed Patrick (which she instantly regretted), she could have gotten a divorce (she even contemplated it), they could have been more secretive, Julia could have not said what she said. I think Patrick and Tom were sadly doomed from the start, I just wish they had more time together because I loved seeing their love (the little glimpse we got) bloom into something bigger than them.

thank you for reading!! here are random screenshots of my notes as i read this lol enjoy!!

can’t*