#his characters are always so cringe in the way everyone is at 17 and it’s my favorite thing ever

[peachyseen]

Every Boss show dares to ask the question what if you were 17, gay, and also a major fucking loser. Deeply inspired work.

[formula-ghost]

Wildflower (OP81 x fem!reader x LN4)

Chapter 1

SERIES SUMMARY: You’ve been best friends with Oscar Piastri since you were seven, far before the dream of Formula 1 even seemed possible. You’ve been with him from the very beginning—due, in no small part, to the fact that you’ve been in love with him since you were a teenager. But when a breakup and championship battle rattles the very foundations of your friendship, you begin to question if you ever really knew him. (Best friends to lovers, based on the song Wildflower by Billie Eilish)

WORD COUNT: 11.1k

WARNINGS: Oscar is not a very good boyfriend to Lily and Lily is not a very good girlfriend to Oscar. Potentially changed some dates (I think Oscar and Lily started dating when they were 17 or 18, but I’m making them 18 for the sake of the flashback scenes). Reader is “the girl he told me not to worry about” through no fault of her own. This story has a lot of complex character dynamics and everyone is flawed! References to sex but no actual smut.

A/N: Ah new series! I hope this is good—I’m trying some new stuff with the flashbacks and story layers, so I hope it doesn’t read too confusingly! Also, I’m trying to be more intentional with showing instead of telling with my dialogue and such, so hopefully that is an improvement. I always welcome constructive criticism, but either way, I hope you all enjoy this.

Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

“Lily left me.”

He only needed those three words to convey the gravity of the situation. On the other end of the line, you were silent. He was too. What was there to say?

No, it couldn’t be real. Oscar and Lily were inseparable. The dream couple of Formula 1. Your best friend had been in love with her since the pair were 18, attending boarding school in the UK together while Oscar pursued his dreams of making it to F1. 

They were each other’s everything. At least, that’s what the world thought.

But you had seen this coming for a while now. It was just a shock for it to actually happen. 

Finally, after an eternity, you spoke, still too shocked to formulate a coherent thought. “What do you mean?” you asked.

“I mean she fucking left me. What else do you want me to say?” You could hear the quivering in his voice, giving away the sadness behind his abrasive response. You weren’t offended one bit. 

“Shit, Osc, I’m so sorry. I… don’t know what to say. Do you want me to come over? Or you can come to mine?” 

“I’m outside yours right now. In the car park.” 

“I’ll let you in,” you said. The mental image you conjured of Oscar outside your apartment crying in his fancy McLaren would have been comical, if not given the circumstances.

He let himself in only a few moments later, hoodie covering his tall and muscled frame. He was soaked from the rain outside—he must have come directly from the confrontation. 

“Oh, Oscar,” you said, pulling him into a hug, cringing at the contact with his soggy hoodie, but knowing that there were far more important things to be worried about. 

You rubbed your hands up and down his shoulder blades that now heaved with sobs. His entire body shook with the fervor of his tears, and you just held him, gently shushing him and promising that everything will be okay. 

“I don’t know how she could do this to me,” he said, gasping out the words between haggard breaths. “The championship—I can’t do it without her.”

“I know,” you assured him. “It’s gonna be okay.”

“No it’s not, YN, it’s not gonna be okay. I love her. And she just threw away so many years.”

“I know.” You just kept assuring him, tightening your grip on him as his sobs became more intense. “Just breathe.”

“Why would she do this to me?” he asked. “I don’t understand. I don’t know what I did to deserve this.”

You knew. And deep down, Oscar did too. That was a conversation for another day. But he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t seen this coming. 

You didn’t have it in you to lie to him. You had always been the type to pride yourself on being honest, even when the truth hurt, but you couldn’t bear to do it now. You changed the subject.

“Oscar, you’re soaking wet. I’ll find you something else and warm that up in the dryer, yeah? Just sit down, take a deep breath, and let me get this figured out.”

He sat down on your couch and took off his hoodie and t-shirt underneath, revealing his toned body. It wasn’t anything you hadn’t seen before—you’d been friends with him since you were seven, growing up together. He almost felt like a brother to you, sometimes.

Maybe it wouldn’t be weird at all, except for the fact that you’d been in love with him for over a decade now. 

But right now that didn’t matter. He had plenty of old hoodies over in your apartment, which you carefully folded every time he forgot them. Placing his wet clothes in the dryer and setting the temp on high, you reached to the shelf above you and grabbed a random one. You unfolded it—an Alpine hoodie from back in the day, before his time at McLaren. You smiled at the memories that flashed in your mind, before quickly returning to Oscar with the garment. 

He had moved from your couch to your bedroom, holding a pillow on his lap, hunched over where the top of it met his chin. He was staring off into space, not breaking his gaze at the plain white wall.

You sat next to him, handing him the hoodie, and he mumbled a small thanks as he grabbed it. He didn’t put it on, instead just holding it with the pillow, as if filling his arms with the plush material would fill the hole now left in his heart.

“Oscar, I… don’t have anything profound to say. I’m so sorry.”

He didn’t respond at first, instead just silently letting the tears well up in his eyes. 

“I guess I should have seen this coming,” he said quietly. 

You paused, unsure whether or not you should agree with him. But you were nothing if not honest.

“Yeah,” you said, “it’s been a rough few months.”

“I guess we just both fell out of love.”

“I mean… how did the conversation go?”

It would be stupidly easy for Oscar to lie and say he didn’t remember Lily’s every word. But he knew better, and so did you. As he explained, the memory replayed in his head.

“I can’t do this anymore, Oscar,” Lily said, a simple yet devastating statement.

“What do you mean? What’s wrong?” His confusion was genuine, much to the chagrin of his angry girlfriend.

“The fact that you even have to ask that proves my point.”

“Lily, talk to me. I don’t know what you’re trying to say.” Oscar stood up, now understanding the full gravity of the situation he found himself in. 

“I’m trying to say that I’m not happy anymore, and neither are you. I wanted to at least give it until the end of the season, but I can’t keep pretending that everything is okay when we both know bloody well that it’s not! Don’t you want something better than this, Oscar?” Lily pleaded. 

“I just want you. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

“Don’t lie to me. You say that but you put everything else before me. I’m not a priority to you. I haven’t been in a long time.”

“I’ll quit F1. We can go back to the UK and live a normal life.”

“No. We both know that you wouldn’t do that.” Her tone was incredulous, twinged with a slight anger at the mere suggestion. 

“Yes, I would. I’d do anything. Don’t do this, Lily. Not now, not when I need you the most.”

Lily grabbed his hand, leading him to sit down on the couch next to her. “Oscar,” she began, “we had a good run. You made me so, so happy for so long.” She reached up to gently cup his cheeks and wipe away where tears were now forming at the edge of his eyes. “I saw you achieve things that neither of us ever thought were possible. But…I can’t stay any longer. Not when there’s no place for me in your heart anymore.”

You sighed. You knew every word that Lily had said was right. But you also knew you couldn’t get that through to Oscar, at least not until the shock wore off.

The words remained unspoken. You had been there for all of it. Lily was his first love, his only girlfriend, and everyone assumed that he’d marry her one day; you included. 

“I just…I don’t know how I’m supposed to go on acting like my life didn’t just fall apart. How did you do it?”

This was Oscar's first breakup, but you had been through too many, it seemed, since he was asking you for advice on how to handle them.

The truth? It was very easy to get over a breakup when every partner you’ve ever had was a feeble attempt at denial. When they all inevitably failed, you just went back to bask in Oscar’s platonic love. It was enough. 

“I won’t lie to you, the first one is always hell. You feel like you’re going crazy for a while. You lose hope that you’ll ever feel happier, because everything reminds you of them. And then one day it just…doesn’t. The only thing that heals it is time and finding love around you, you know, friends and family.”

“No offense, but that doesn’t make me feel any better.”

‘Well, I’m not going to lie to you and say it’ll be easy, because it won't. But it will be okay—not today, but someday. You’ve got something to focus on with the championship. And I’ll be here.” You gave him an empathetic smile. 

Maybe you weren’t the most comforting friend to most. But you and Oscar had a bond that was very different to most friendships. You understood each other’s idiosyncrasies in ways no one else could. So when shit hit the fan, it was always each other that you went to.

You continued, “You can stay here as long as you like.”

“Thank you.”

There was only one problem: your apartment only had one bed. And to the dismay of fanfiction writers across the world, you all would not be sharing it. 

You distracted Oscar by cooking a meal and watching a comfort movie—Cars, a classic. You could tell he was exhausted by the way his head on your shoulder sloped just a little too heavily downwards as the credits rolled. 

“Okay, let’s get you to bed,” you said, gently pushing him awake. He sleepily stumbled back into your bedroom and collapsed on the bed, almost instantly falling back asleep.

You took the couch, but despite the money you spent splurging on the extra cushioned sofa, no sleep came to you. 

It wasn’t any physical discomfort that fueled your insomnia, but rather, the events of the previous evening. Lily had actually left Oscar. She had finally pulled the plug.

Yes, in some ways, it was expected. But at the same time, you couldn’t imagine a version of your best friend that wasn’t madly in love with his girlfriend. 

From the outside, though, you couldn’t blame Lily one bit. You wondered what had been the last straw. 

You could think of three possible moments. First: The Apartment. 

“I’m moving to Monaco,” Oscar began, and you felt your heart drop in your stomach. Of course, one day he’d make it to Monaco. That was the dream of every Formula 1 driver, right? The beauty of the French Riviera and tax evasion. And you’d be left at your aging flat in the UK, waiting for those precious few days a year where he was free to grace you with his presence. 

“That’s amazing!” you said, only half believing it to be true. 

“In a few weeks I’m gonna go look at condos. Come with me? Lily can’t get off work.”

“Of course,” you replied. You’d already been to Monaco before for Oscar’s races, but you wouldn’t turn down any reason to get out of the constant dreary rain of the UK. 

You felt like a celebrity as you coasted through the Monte Carlo streets in the passenger side of Oscar’s McLaren, on your way to tour fabulous properties for your best friend (the actual celebrity). You breathed in the saltwater breeze, fresh and tinged with the air of wealth and splendor.

But it hurt your heart to know that you were helping your best friend leave. You imagined him getting up and doing his morning runs along the harbor, the sun blazing down the strained muscles on his back. Then you laughed to yourself at the thought of Oscar, the pastiest Aussie you knew, getting sunburnt. 

At the first property you met the realtor, who (after mistaking you for Lily; not the first time, and certainly wouldn’t be the last) took the pair of you to different condos throughout the day. 

Oscar decided on the final one you saw; two bedrooms, plenty of natural light, and a great view. Elegant, refined and practical—just like Oscar himself. 

The realtor handed him the paperwork and left as you stood on the balcony, looking at the beauty of the city before you. You were quiet, unusually so, and Oscar noticed. 

He sat the paperwork on the kitchen counter and walked onto the balcony next to you. “Beautiful, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” you said, your voice lowered. “You’re gonna make such beautiful memories here.”

“Are you getting sentimental on me now?”

You smiled and laughed. “A little,” you admitted, “I can’t help it. I’ll miss you all.” 

“You could always come with us. You seem to like it here,” he teased, tilting his head toward the edge of the balcony.

“You’d have to give me a raise if I was gonna afford Monaco rent prices.” You’d been running Oscar’s merch store and social media for the past few years, making a great wage, but nowhere near the immense wealth you’d need to call a place like this home. You joked with him, knowing Oscar actually had nothing to do with how much you got paid. 

“I would if I could. But, I mean, if you had a place to stay it wouldn’t really be that bad.”

“Are you suggesting I move into your guest room?”

Now he laughed. “No, but I’m just saying, if you had an apartment, you could make it work.”

You raised an eyebrow, confused, but trying to go along with the joke. “Well, sure, but apartments don’t just appear out of thin air.”

“You never know.” Oscar scratched the back of his neck and looked away, a sign of the awkwardness that now blanketed your moment on the balcony. 

“What are you getting at?”

“Well, theoretically, if someone were to have a spare apartment that they weren’t using, you could live there and Monaco would be a reasonable place to live, no?”

You didn’t answer his question, instead just giving him another confused glance until he gave up whatever he was trying to say. He still couldn’t meet your gaze. 

“Look—I don’t want to live so far away from my friend. Is that such a bad thing?”

“Oscar, you…”

“I got you an apartment.”

“You… bought me an apartment. In Monaco.” It came out more like a statement than a question, evidence of your shock. He reached into his pocket and dug out a key, holding it out to you.

You just looked at him with an incredulous expression. “Oscar, I can’t accept that.”

“Why not?”

“How much was it?” 

“I have more than enough money.”

“Answer the question.”

He pursed his lips and shrugged. “About 4 million?” 

Your eyes widened in shock. “Before you say anything,” he began, “I made over 30 million last year. I have more money than I’d ever know what to do with, so why not just spend it all on the people I love?” 

“Oscar… I can’t, that’s too much.”

“Will you at least go look at it with me? Actually, I’m driving, so you don’t have a choice,” he joked, walking back into the apartment. “Let’s go.”

You sighed, smiling to yourself. There was no way you could let Oscar buy you a 4 million dollar apartment, but also, how could you not? The wind whipped through your hair as you rolled down the window of his McLaren, drinking in the beauty of the city around you. 

The apartment was smaller than the one he had picked for himself and Lily, but you didn’t mind one bit. It was perfectly cosy, and God, the view was spectacular. You could see the whole city from his apartment, but here, you could see the water. You stepped on the balcony and took a deep breath, taking in the sound of the ocean waves beneath you. 

Oscar followed you. “It’s a bit small, but I figured you’d like the view.”

“Oscar…”

“If you really don’t want it, I can rent it out. But I’d much rather have you close.” He held out the keys again. “What do you say?”

You could have told him you needed more time to think about it, but deep down, you already knew what you wanted. You took the keys. “Thank you. Thank you so much, Oscar. Seriously.”

“No need to thank me.” He smiled.

Back in the UK, he showed Lily the photos he had taken of the condo he had chosen for them as they went over the paperwork one last time.

He grabbed the pen to scratch out one of the boxes Lily had checked, hoping she wouldn’t notice. 

“Oh, did I mess something up?” Shit. She leaned over his shoulder, reading the paperwork aloud. “Please indicate if you own any additional properties in the principality of Monaco.” She looked at Oscar. “You already have a property there?” 

“Oh, erm, yeah,” he said, hoping the conversation would end there. 

“How come I never heard about this?” 

“Um, I just got it a bit ago.”

Lily could sense her boyfriend’s hesitancy. “Is this something I wasn’t supposed to know about?”

“Oh, no,” he said, “it’s not like that. I just didn’t think to mention it.”

“So, what is this property?”

“An apartment.” 

Lily hated feeling like she was having to interrogate Oscar, but clearly there was some piece of the puzzle missing that was causing his reluctance. 

“An apartment?” she questioned. “You got another apartment?”

“Yeah, I, um,” he looked at the ceiling while scratching his neck, a clear sign of his nervousness, “I was planning on giving it to YN.”

“You bought YN an apartment in Monaco? When were you planning on telling me about this?” 

His walls of defense had finally broken down. “It’s not a big deal. I made more than enough last season, I could afford it.  And it’s just easier to have her there for the brand shoots and media stuff. Plus, I mean, she came to London to support me after graduation, even though I know she hates it here. I just figured I should repay the favor.”

“...Okay,” Lily began, her voice tinged with skepticism. “So, you do realize what this looks like, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, my boyfriend bought an apartment for his “best friend” and tried to hide it from me. That’s the kind of thing cheating husbands do in movies, buy an apartment for their mistress for her to keep it quiet.”

Oscar wasn’t sure what annoyed him more, the air quotes Lily placed around “best friend” or the insinuation that he had been unfaithful. 

“Lily, seriously? I’m not cheating on you, I love you and you know that.”

“When were you going to tell me about this?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. You know YN and I have been friends forever, it’s not like I did this for some random woman. I don’t appreciate being accused of lying.”

“But you were lying by omission.”

“Lily—”

“You know, nothing against her, but one of the reasons I was looking forward to this move was having more…us time. Without YN.” 

The statement brought a bitter taste to his mouth. Despite what she had said, it seemed like Lily did have something against you.

“You know, this kind of thing is why I was putting off telling you about it.”

“What are you saying?” she asked. Oscar knew he was tempting fire, but he didn’t care.

He continued, “You’re freaking out because I did something kind for a friend. I’m allowed to do whatever I want with my money.”

“I never said you weren’t, and I’m not freaking out. But I guess I’m just such a horrible person for saying I want to spend more time with my boyfriend.”

“If you’re putting down my “best friend” to do it,” he said, mocking her air quotes, “then yeah, that’s not cool.” 

“Oscar, you’re being so…weird about all of this. I’m not insulting YN. I just want to spend more time with you.”

“We’re literally going on vacation in February!”

“With friends. You invited your friends to our romantic getaway, Oscar.”

“You know I only have so much time off during the off season, and I’m spending most of it with realtors and accountants and eight thousand other people preparing us for this move. God forbid I want to invite my friends to Italy with us. Not everything can be just us, Lily.”

“Okay,” she sighed. “I’m done with this conversation.”

The second next instance you could think of happened on the trip.

It was a beautiful getaway to the Amalfi Coast, your dream destination that you’d somehow never made it to.

The group of Oscar’s friends, including you and Lando, had plans to come and go, with everyone being gone before the fourteenth so that Oscar and Lily could have their Valentine's Day date. Of course, you knew nothing of the arguments they’d had in the past about this, but you had common sense enough to not be a third wheel. Oscar thought this was a good enough compromise. 

Well, he thought. 

From the moment he picked you up from the airport, you could tell that the energy was different than usual. He blamed it on jet lag, but you knew better. You knew your best friend too well.

It didn’t take you long to figure out the problem was between him and Lily. She was colder towards him; not enough for anyone but you and him to notice, but still there and undeniable. 

Even weirder was Lily’s…preoccupation, it seemed, with pointing out single and attractive men to you. It wasn’t a hushed reality that you were single, and had been for some time. You'd given up on dating a long time ago—you knew that you had already found the love of your life, and he just happened to be Lily’s boyfriend.

But, of course, you’d never tell anyone this. Lots of people were confused because you seemed so fine being single. But you thought that Lily, one of your best friends (at least, by association), would know that you weren’t really interested in meeting anyone. 

You sat with Lily in a restaurant overlooking the coast, the balcony having been rented out by Oscar for one of your last dinners. You all were waiting for him and Lando to join you, passing the time by ordering wine and appetizers.

“He’s cute, isn’t he?” Lily said, gesturing her head to your waiter that was walking back into the main restaurant. 

You didn’t really know what to say. You glanced at him through the glass wall. “Lily, he most definitely plays for the other team, if you know what I mean,” you joked, reaching for a slice of bread on the table. “I didn’t know that was your type.”

“Well I don’t mean for me, I meant for you.”

You chuckled. “For me?”

“Well, yeah. Don’t you want to get yourself a hot Italian man?”

“I’m perfectly happy being single.” You tried to diffuse the awkward conversation, keeping a kind tone in your voice as you ate the bread and looked into the distance at the coastline.

“Oh, come on. We’ll get you someone, don’t worry.”

“I really am fine being single.”

“You know who else is single?” she asked, clearly ignoring your protests. “Lando!”

You laughed aloud. “Oh God, no. If I wanted to be cheated on, I would have stayed with my ex. Besides, Oscar would kill him.”

A curious fact: Oscar had never approved of a single person you had ever introduced him to. You had to spend hours talking him out of running over your ex with his F1 car after you found out about his infidelity. 

“Oh, who cares what Oscar thinks? I think you should go for it,” she said, watching as the waiter returned to pour your glasses of wine. 

“Lily,” you said, holding your glass, ready to take a sip, “I don’t want to be in a relationship, like, at all. It’s just…not for me.” You sipped the wine, but through the reflection on the glass, you could see that Lily had pursed her lips in an expression you couldn’t quite read.

“If you want me to stop third-wheeling you and Oscar, you can just say so,” you joked as the boys made their way to the balcony to join you. 

You didn’t know it, but your joke cut deep in Lily’s heart. 

Nothing was said about it during the dinner, but Lily’s strange energy continued. It quickly became uncomfortable how much she was pushing Lando and you to interact. 

And when you all made your way to a local nightclub after the dinner, it didn’t get any better. Lando quickly got himself lost in the crowd, and you were once again left to be the third wheel. 

You could tell that Lily was getting annoyed, but to be fair, she was also annoying you. 

“Go dance with Lando!” she shouted over the thumping bass. She gestured to the opposite corner of the small club, where Lando was currently making out with some random Italian woman. 

You pointed this fact out to Lily, who just grimaced. 

“Do you just want me to go away?” you joked.

“Yes!” she said, and you were taken aback, because she was definitely not joking. 

Oscar was at the bar getting drinks, far enough away that he couldn’t hear. To be honest, you didn’t even want to be in this club anymore. 

So you snuck out and began your walk home without telling any of them.

As you walked along the cobblestone streets, Oscar handed Lily a drink, pausing when he noticed that you weren’t there to receive yours. “Where’s YN?” he asked.

“She wasn’t feeling well, so she headed back,” Lily said. 

“By herself? Should we go check on her?”

Lily wanted to roll her eyes. “No, she’s just tired. C’mon, let’s go dance!”

Oscar obeyed, but couldn’t ignore the feeling inside him that something about this whole night had been odd. 

The next time he saw Lando, he decided to say something about it. 

“Hey mate, are you going back soon?” he asked. Lando nodded, clearly tipsy. “Can you check on YN? Lily said she wasn’t feeling well.”

“Sure,” he said, annoyed at the mention of you again.

He did come back to the house soon, but with an equally drunk and giggly woman on his arm, the same girl he had been making out with in the corner of the club. 

You didn’t expect any of them for a long time, so you sat in the living room of the AirBNB, watching the waves cascade into the shore, romanticizing this complicated feeling that coiled itself inside of you. 

That was, until Lando stumbled in. 

His eyes got wide as dinner plates upon seeing you. The girl on his arm giggled and walked off into the nearest bathroom. 

“Hey YN,” he slurred. “Are you dying?”

You laughed. “I’m fine.”

“Lily said you were sick.” 

“Nope, I’m good.” 

He looked to the closed door of the bathroom. “Sorry about that,” he said.

“You’re fine. I’m…uh, not interested, anyway. I don’t know what Lily’s been on about today.”

“Oh, thank God,” he exhaled. You laughed, despite the sting of rejection in his relief. “Well, I’ll keep it quiet.”

“I’ve got headphones.”

You made your way to your room and put on your noise cancelling headphones, passing the time by scrolling and catching up on work emails, before falling asleep.

You didn’t sleep through the night, instead waking up in the early hours of the morning, when the sun was just beginning to round itself along the golden coast. You left your room to get a glass of water, not expecting to see the rest of your friends in the kitchen.

Lily looked hungover as hell, leaning her elbow on the counter, her hand resting uncomfortably on her forehead. Oscar was leaning against the counter on the other side while Lando sat at the bar next to Lily, drinking something out of a mug. His flight home was going to leave soon. 

You nodded to your three companions as you sipped your water glass, feeling the tension around you like an oncoming migraine. 

“You feeling okay?” Oscar asked. “Lily said you weren’t doing well last night.”

“Ah, just tired,” you answered. Lily had lied to both Lando and Oscar. That was a conversation for another day. 

“Well rested now?” Lily asked, her voice tinged with anger and fake sympathy.

“I’m fine,” was all you could answer. You glanced at Oscar, who gave you a knowing look. You had no idea what had gotten into her.

“Are you feeling okay, Lily? You look like you’re about to throw up,” you said, a more genuine concern in your voice.

“I’m fine too,” she said, clearly not fine.

Lando’s Uber pulled up, and you took the opportunity to help him transfer all his bags in one trip.

“Do you have any idea what’s going on with her?” he asked as you heaved the suitcase up into the trunk.

“No idea,” you answered. “Before you all got to the restaurant last night she was being…weird. For the record, I didn’t put her up to any of that.”

“I figured as much. You’re not the type.” Lando was right—it was common knowledge that you were happily single. 

“I’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable. For the record, it made me uncomfortable too.”

He exhaled. “Eh, we’re cool. No hard feelings, yeah? I’m sure she’ll snap out of it.” 

“I hope so,” you said, giving him a wave as the car disappeared into the winding roads of the coast.

Back in the house, you could hear Oscar and Lily whispering to each other. You wanted nothing more than to disappear and act like this weird night and morning had never happened, but unfortunately, you had to cross through the kitchen back to your room. 

A hush went through the room when you entered. You walked as quickly as possible through the kitchen, but were stopped by a voice.

“YN,” Lily called. “I think you should leave.”

“Lily—” Oscar interjected.

“I was just going back to my room anyway,” you explained.

“That’s not what I meant. I think you should go home.”

“Lily, don’t do this—” Oscar pleaded. You just stood in shock.

“Actually, let me clarify,” she continued. “YN, I don’t want you here. Go home.”

“Lily!” Oscar interjected. “Don’t say that.”

“No, it’s fine,” you said, even though it was definitely not fine. “Let me pack and I’ll be on my way.”

You turned and continued back to your room, fully prepared to do as you had just said. But Oscar followed you.

“YN, wait. Stay,” he said. 

“Oscar, it’s fine.”

“I am so sorry that Lily said that, but I want you here.”

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on between you two or why she’s so upset at me, but if someone tells me to go, I’m not going to overstay my welcome.”

“Still, that was so rude.”

“I’ve got thick skin. I won’t cry myself to sleep over it.” You looked out the window to the coast. “Look, I’ll just find someplace else to stay. A hotel for a few nights is cheaper than trying to reschedule my flight, anyways.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t worry about me, Osc,” you said, patting his shoulder. “Go talk to her, figure out what’s wrong.” 

He sighed, scratching the back of his neck. “I already know what’s wrong. She’s mad that we don’t spend enough time together.”

“Then go spend time with her.”

“That was the plan! But, I mean, I’m pissed that she said that to you. And she spent all day yesterday trying to set you and Lando up, which was fucking weird.”

“Yeah,” you exhaled with a twinge of laughter. “Look, with my record I can’t exactly give you love advice, but I don’t mind leaving. You all clearly need some space, anyway. Just text me if you need anything, okay?”

Oscar gave you a flat smile and nod. 

You packed and quickly booked a private room at a local hostel for the next few days, planning to enjoy the last few days as a solo trip. You truly didn’t care, but in the back of your mind, you hoped that everything would be okay. You never received that text from Oscar. 

Back at the house, Oscar and Lily were alone. And neither of them were happy.

“Just fucking go with her if you’re that mad,” Lily said, egging Oscar on. He had always been slow to anger, but he couldn’t deny that he was pissed.

“What is wrong with you?” he questioned. “Why would you say that to her? Do you understand how rude that is? And not to mention the fact that you were being fucking weird with her and Lando all night.”

“Oscar, I’m not having this conversation right now.”

“No, I’m pissed!”

“And, as usual, it’s all about your feelings, hm?”

“What are you talking about?” 

“Don’t act stupid. Do you know how much I’ve put up with because I don’t want to hurt your feelings? Every vacation, every race weekend, she’s always there. And I put up with her because she’s your friend, but I don’t like her, Oscar.” 

“What did she do to you?” he asked. But Lily couldn’t answer. It wasn’t like there had been a specific incident or falling out; in fact, you had always been kind to her. Lily’s silence was all the answer that Oscar needed. 

“You knew that YN and I were a package deal from the beginning.” 

Tears came to Lily’s eyes. “But this was supposed to be our trip. Just us.” 

“Lily, they were only here for a few days. I specifically set it up so that we’d have 2 weeks to ourselves after they left. Is that not enough?” 

She was silent, at first. Then came a question out of left field. 

“Were you going to propose?” she asked.

Oscar made a face. “Propose?”

“I thought the point of the trip was that you were going to propose.” She looked away, trying to hide her tears. “I’m tired of feeling like an outsider in my own relationship. I’m sick of YN third wheeling, so I thought if I set her up with Lando, maybe she’d leave us alone for a while.” Her voice was tinged with an angry mocking. 

She continued, softer, “Oscar, I want to be your wife, I want to grow old with you—”

But Oscar had little sympathy for her. “That’s really what all this was about? Lily, I’m not proposing any time soon.”

“We’ve been together for nearly five years.”

“I know. But with the season starting soon—”

“There’ll always be another season, another race. Is your plan to just marry me when you retire?” The sarcasm had returned to her voice. “Do you even want to marry me?”

“Of course I do. But we’re young, we have time. I’m in no rush.” 

“I feel like you don’t care about what I want at all.”

“Lily, I’m trying. But I feel like you want me to cut off my best friend and settle down at 22. You’re asking things of me that I can’t give you.”

“Then why are we even doing this?” Lily asked.

“Because I love you, and I want this to work! But Lily, you can’t treat my friends like that. If you’re angry at me, talk to me, but don’t take it out on them. YN is an important part of my life, too.”

“I’m well aware.”

Oscar sighed. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“I’m going back to bed,” Lily announced, leaving the conversation altogether. 

When she woke up, her head was pounding. Oscar was asleep beside her, his back towards her, no warmth even in his unconscious state. She had slept through the entire day—the moon hung high in the sky. 

As she quietly made her way to the kitchen and got some water and a snack, the memory of what had happened came back, rushing over her. She felt horrible. 

The sleep and food had reset her mind. Make no mistake, she was still upset at Oscar, but what he had said was right—she shouldn’t have taken it out on you. She needed to make it right. 

She texted you. Hey YN, are you awake? I’d like to talk. In person, if you can. 

Only a few minutes later you responded, affirming that you were available and sending the address of your hostel. Lily got there quickly, quietly walking through the rooms to your private room in the back. When you shut the door behind you and you both sat on the bed, she broke down. 

“YN,” Lily began, “I am so sorry about this morning. Truthfully, I was upset at Oscar and I took it out on you, and I shouldn't have. I was so rude.”

“It’s okay,” you assured.

“No, it’s not,” Lily interjected. But she seemed at a loss for words. “I just… sometimes, I feel like I hardly get any alone time with Oscar anymore.”

“Because I’m always there?” you joked, not knowing how close to the truth you really were. Lily didn’t respond. “Look, if you want me to take a step back, I can do that.”

Her response was quiet. “Would that be too much to ask?”

“No.” But it was, in a way. You felt your heart shatter into a million pieces, but your expression gave away nothing. “I understand.”

“I don’t think he loves me anymore,” Lily confessed. You normally didn’t want to know the details of their relationship, because the truth was too heavy to bear. But it seemed cruel to cut her off. “I feel like he never wants to be around me, like he prefers his work and his friends over me. I want to get married and he doesn’t. He keeps saying it's too soon and he’s busy, but it’s been nearly five years! I mean, how long does he want me to wait?”

You felt uncomfortable, not sure how to comfort your best friend's girlfriend. So you were honest. “I don’t know, Lily. I don’t know what goes on in Oscar’s head any more than you do.”

“Yes you do,” she replied. “You’ve known him longer.” Her eyes filled with tears. “I think he’s in love with you.”

“No, no, no,” you said, wrapping Lily in an embrace as she cried. “No, he’s not. He loves you so much.”

“No,” she echoed. “He doesn’t.”

You didn’t know how to respond. You just held her. 

At one point, your phone buzzed, illuminating the screen. Some unimportant notification, but you noticed the date and time more than that. It was past midnight; Valentine’s Day. 

The third instance was during the first weekend of the 2025 season; the Australian Grand Prix.  

You hadn’t heard from Oscar since the trip. You didn’t really know what to say, and part of you was dreading having to speak to him, knowing that your mere presence was now a strain on his relationship.

Of course Lily wanted more time with him. It made sense. You were present at…most things, actually. But Oscar always invited you, and besides, they lived together. If you had known that you had overstayed your welcome, you never would have gone in the first place.

But on the other hand, you and Oscar had been a part of each other’s lives for nearly double the time that Lily had been around. It wasn’t a competition, but you couldn’t shake that sour feeling that rested in your stomach, that if given the chance, Lily would want you gone for good. 

Regardless, between the trip and the grand prix, life went on as normal. It was odd, since your job was literally running all the official OP81 media pages and merch website. You couldn’t not be a part of his life—you made your living by posting memes about him on the internet and organizing all his merch sales.

So, naturally, you went to nearly all the races to take photos of fans, the paddock, and the garage. It was one of your favorite parts of the job. 

But Australia was different. It was Oscar’s home race, and a place full of memories for you. 

Your family had moved to Australia when you were only seven, having absolutely no friends, except the sweet boy next door in your cul de sac. At first he was cold. You thought he hated you. But you were nothing if not stubborn. 

You remembered it like it was yesterday; for Christmas, you asked for a pink motorized jeep, just like the black one that Oscar—the neighbour boy, back then—had. You squealed for joy when you got it. And the very first thing you did was challenge him to a race.

He ignored you. So you rammed your car into his, causing both of them to break. Ever since, somehow, you’d been inseparable. 

Your parents traveled a lot for work, so instead of constantly going with them, you found yourself staying with the Piastri family for months at a time. Nicole truly felt like your second mom, and Hattie was the sister you never had. And Oscar was…Oscar. It was impossible to describe the bond between you. 

Your parents were never too keen on Oscar, though. They kept it quiet when you were little, but as you grew, their dislike became more outward.

He was 14, leaving for boarding school in the UK. When he told you, you cried. That’s the only time he ever saw you cry.

You wanted to go with him, but your parents couldn’t afford it. He promised he wouldn’t let your friendship die, and he was true to his word. When he got into the higher formulas in racing, he helped you get your job so that you all would never be that far from each other again. 

But your parents always said he was using you, stringing you along, exploiting your labor. Though you’d never admitted it to another soul, they knew you well enough to understand that you loved him. 

You cut your parents off a long time ago. 

Sometimes the fans were worse. Half of them loved you—the half that understood that you could give them access to your idol—but the other half of them called you a beneficiary of nepotism, a gold digger, or a homewrecker. You learned at a young age to develop thick skin. 

And it was how you both behaved on race weekends that really exemplified the difference between you and Lily. 

You liked to be everywhere at once—in the garage trying to interpret the engineers’ technical jargon, in the grandstands taking photos of fans, in the pitlane shooting the shit with the race stewards. You always wore Oscar’s merch, and you wanted to be in the middle of all the action.

Lily, in contrast, was more reserved. She always looked put together, and frankly stunning, at all her appearances. She preferred to watch the race from the comfort and privacy of McLaren hospitality, and when she did interact with fans, she was respectful but short, very conscious of her space.

Neither of you were better or worse than the other. But no one could deny that you were polar opposites. 

You got to Australia before Oscar himself did, having been invited to spend a few days with your surrogate family before you’d have to stay in the hotel, per F1 employee policy. Nicole had told Oscar, who you assumed had told Lily, and when you didn’t hear anything for a few days before you were meant to fly out, you thought everything was fine.

Of course, you thought wrong. 

You spent 3 days with Oscar’s family, relishing the warm feeling of belonging that you’d missed. The Piastri guest room felt more like your own childhood bedroom. Of course, Nicole asked how you’d been, but you were politely distant, wanting to respect the fact that Oscar and Lily’s relationship was none of your business. 

When the pair finally landed in Australia and made their way to Oscar’s childhood home for the night, though, things worsened. 

When Nicole got back from picking them up from the airport, you were in the kitchen prepping dinner. Hearing the front door close, you looked up and smiled, greeting the group.

“YN! What are you doing here?” Lily asked, her voice tentative. 

Nicole answered for you. “Oh, she’s been here since Sunday. I’m so happy to have all my kids under the same roof again,” she joked, turning to Oscar to reach up and pinch his cheeks.

Lily just gave a pained smile. 

You didn’t know what to do. You hadn’t talked to Oscar in nearly a month. You wanted to honor her wishes—but it seemed like her wish was for you to vanish into thin air. 

The rest of the night you were unusually quiet, trying to blend into the background. It wasn’t difficult for Nicole to notice that something was up, but she knew better than to bring it up in front of the whole table. 

After dinner she wanted everyone to gather in the living room and watch a movie, which you quickly bowed out of, complaining of exhaustion. 

As the credits rolled, Nicole leaned over to whisper to Oscar, “Is everything okay with YN?” 

Lily overheard and interjected, “She’s fine.” Nicole raised an eyebrow. 

Oscar responded, “The home grand prix is always busy for her.”

The answer wasn’t sufficient enough to crush Nicole’s suspicions, but she didn’t have any more time to pry as her son and his girlfriend quickly decided to retire for the night themselves. 

The next morning, as everyone was packing to get to the hotel, Nicole decided to ask you herself if everything was okay. But predictably, again, you just said that you were fine. And the morning was so hectic that she didn’t really have the time to interrogate you.

Once you all got settled and to the track for media day, work mode took over, and you forgot all about the tension at the Piastri family home. Though you quite literally were paid to follow Oscar around all day, you felt more like the paparazzi than his friend, hardly ever speaking to him.

And as you went back to the hotel room alone to edit and post for tonight, you felt like a stranger in your own body. 

You didn’t want to do this anymore. You missed your friend, but more importantly, you missed being yourself.

But what were you supposed to do? You loved Oscar. Oscar loved Lily. Lily hated you. 

You were stuck between three impossible choices: stick around and be forced to subdue yourself into a shell of your true personality until Lily decided she wasn’t upset at you anymore, lose everything you’d ever built by quitting and moving away like you knew she wanted, or continue being yourself and possibly cost Oscar the love of his life. 

Yeah, this was a wonderful predicament you found yourself in, through no fault of your own.

You moved like a zombie through the free practices and qualifying. When it was finally time for the grand prix, you assumed your usual place in the McLaren garage, for work if nothing else.

But then, Oscar won. 

No team rules. No convoluted strategies. Just Oscar doing what he did best.

You couldn’t hear your own thoughts over the shout of the garage and the crowd in the distance, cheering out for their hometown hero. You ran out with everyone to the barricades to greet your best friend.

Though he still had his helmet on, you could see the effects of his smile in his squinted eyes. He pumped his fist in the air, cheering to himself before running to the barricades to jump into the waiting arms of the crowd. You cheered with them, overwhelmed with pride. 

Oscar locked eyes with you, cupping your face with his gloved hands and pressing the top of his helmet to your forehead. “I did it, YN!”

“You did!” you yelled, smiling ear to ear. 

Of course, people took photos. Photos that Oscar posted later that night. 

Lily didn’t like it—the sweet intimacy of the moment, front and center on Oscar’s Instagram page. Why would you post that? It was like you were taunting her. 

Lily sat on the edge of the hotel bed while Oscar showered, both of them preparing to meet you, Lando, and a few McLaren team members to celebrate his win. 

When Oscar emerged from the bathroom, Lily asked him, “Osc, can you do me a favor?”

“Hm?” he murmured as he dried his hair. 

“Can you take down that picture that YN posted?”

“YN posted something?” he questioned, grabbing his phone. As his social media manager, you had access to all his accounts, but occasionally he’d post something himself, too. “I don’t see what you’re talking about.”

Lily pursed her lips. “The first picture from the post she made an hour ago.” 

“Oh, this?” Oscar held up his phone. “I posted that.” 

Lily was silent. 

“Why do you want me to delete it? It’s a good photo.” 

Lily just looked at him. Oscar sighed and archived the photo. “There, happy?”

His tone was much harsher than he intended, but to be honest, he was getting tired of the constant fighting, and his patience was wearing thin. 

Lily kept quiet, just silently going into the bathroom to start doing her makeup.

In the lobby of the hotel an hour or so later, you awkwardly stood with Lando waiting for the couple to arrive. Once again you were torn—should you miss out on celebrating with your best friend on his first ever home win, or should you go and strain his relationship further? 

You were just going to say screw it and go back up to your room when you saw Lily and Oscar walking towards you. Though there was no tension between them, there was no love either. They both just looked…tired. 

Everyone had decided to keep it relaxed for tonight, just doing a nice group dinner with Oscar’s family. It was fine, albeit a tad awkward, because you were sitting between Lando and some McLaren employees you didn’t know, at the opposite end of the table from Lily, Oscar, and his family. 

You knew this couldn’t continue forever. Something had to break. And it did, when you and Lando ended up back in Oscar and Lily’s room, drinking your way through a bottle of nice champagne. 

The alcohol seemed to have calmed Lando’s nerves, as he was actually normal with you. And Oscar was a blushy, smiling mess and he and his teammate laughed at something you couldn’t remember. 

You opened your mouth to say something, but the mood was ruined by Lily’s drunken slurring. “Oh my God, YN, just shut up! Go away!” she giggled and grabbed Oscar’s arm. 

Usually, you were calm, letting any infraction roll off of you like waves on the beach. But the alcohol emboldened you. 

“Lily, what the fuck is your problem with me?” you asked.

The mood shifted, and Lily gave you a look of disgust. “I was just joking, God.”

“No you weren’t.” 

Lando chimed in. “Well, I think I gotta call it a night.” He got up and patted Oscar on the back. The two men stood up to walk out, leaving just you and Lily alone in the hotel room. 

“I don’t know what the fuck your problem is with me, but don’t act like there isn’t one. It’s obvious that you don’t want me around, I don’t know what I ever did to you.”

Lily had clearly been sobered up by your seriousness. Still, she burst into tears. 

“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I keep doing this.” 

You sighed, unable to keep your anger in the face of her cries. She continued, “I just… Oscar and I were each other’s first everything. First love, first kiss…first time. I love him so much.”

“I’m not trying to steal him from you.” 

Lily was quiet, and so were you. Something she had said gave you pause. 

They were each other’s first everything—no, that couldn’t be true. 

Because you were Oscar’s first. 

It had been many years—you were both 18—and you had never spoken about what happened. But you remembered. 

He came back home for Christmas from the UK. It was before he had even met Lily. 

You welcomed him home with an embrace—even with the frequent phone calls you had, you couldn’t help but miss your best friend, now here before you, in the flesh.

Neither of you could sleep that night, and somehow you both found yourself in Oscar’s childhood bedroom, quiet in the early hours of the morning.

Though it was warm outside, Nicole had a habit of keeping the house frigid, so you and Oscar huddled together under the handmade quilt that decorated his bed. The moment was tender and quiet, together in the soft darkness. 

“Do you like it in the UK?” you asked him, your question searching for a genuine answer. 

“It’s okay, I guess. It’s what I have to do for the races.”

“But do you ever get…lonely?”

He paused. “Yeah. Sometimes.”

You traced small circles on the skin of your leg. The closeness of the moment was uncomfortable. 

“But you have friends, right?”

“Yeah, but they’re not, y’know, friends for life.”

“I get you.” You really did, not having many friends of your own since Oscar left. “But you must have a ton of girls, though. They all want the cool race car driver.” You smiled, trying to use your humor to lighten the intimacy of the moment. 

“No,” was all he answered. “And if I had a girlfriend, you’d be the first to know, anyway.” In the dark of the room, you could only see the outline of his features, but you could feel the pull of his eyes looking at you. “What, do you have a boyfriend? Is that why you’re bringing this up?” he asked. 

“Of course I don’t.” 

“What do you mean, of course?”

“I mean, why would I have a boyfriend? I have no friends and half the people at school think you don’t even exist.”

“What?” he laughed.

“Well, yeah, when I say my best friend drives race cars in the UK, most people think I’m making you up.” 

“Shit,” he laughed. 

“So, yeah, it doesn’t exactly get me dates,” you laughed. You felt your throat stiffen. “I haven’t even had my first kiss or anything.”

The silence in the room was thick. “I haven’t either,” Oscar confessed. 

You found it hard to believe. Oscar was handsome, funny, everything a girl could want. Neither of you had ever been social butterflies, though. 

Under the blanket, Oscar reached for your hand, placing it in his. Your heart was beating out of your chest; you had never even held a boy’s hand. 

“We could just…do it now,” he said. “Just to get it over with.” He feigned his usual nonchalance, but you could feel the increase of his heartbeat and the ever so subtle tremble in his voice. 

It would be easy for you to laugh it off like a joke. But you knew it wasn’t. And you wanted him. 

“Okay,” you said, your voice breathy with nervousness. 

You sat up on the bed, and saw the dark outline of his figure leaning towards you, gently tilting your head. 

And when his lips met yours, it felt like home. Like everything in your entire life had left you up to this moment, here in the warmth of your best friend’s childhood bedroom.

The kiss lasted longer than you anticipated, but when he did pull away, it was too soon. You were grateful for the darkness that hid your expression. But even without the light, Oscar could see the truth behind your eyes.

“We could…keep going.”

“Okay,” you repeated. 

One of his hands found your waist now, pulling you closer, as his other hand pushed back your hair that had fallen in your face.

Once again his lips met yours. It wasn’t like a spark within you—more like a calming, a sense of peace and safety. Of all the boys you’d crushed on before, Oscar was different. You trusted him with everything. 

And you showed him so. 

He slipped his tongue past your teeth, tentative, as if he was scared to do the wrong thing. But you let him close the gap, your own tongue gliding along his, goosebumps going down your back the closer you got. 

He wanted to put his hands all over you, but he was nervous.

He pulled away. “I…don’t really know what I’m doing.”

“I don’t either. Is it actually your first time?”

“Yeah. You don’t mind me being your first?”

“I trust you.”

So you both took it slow, taking each other’s hands where you wanted to be touched, not focusing on anything but the other. 

The love you made was quiet and simple, beautiful yet imperfect. But you didn’t need perfect. You just needed him. 

The next morning, you slipped out of his room before anyone was awake, afraid of what would happen if they found out.

But no one ever did. Oscar never said a word about it ever again, and neither did you; after the holidays, he went back to school and met Lily, and the rest was history. 

But you remembered. And as you sat in that hotel room years later waiting for him, you felt numb. 

By the time he got back Lily had calmed down, but you couldn’t stand to be there anymore. You announced your departure, but Oscar decided to walk you out, too. 

You closed the door behind you, but Oscar pulled you to not leave so quickly. 

“Hey, is everything alright with you and Lily?”

“No. It’s not.” 

He sighed. “I don’t know why she’s being like this.”

You just stared at him, your face blank. 

“What,” he asked, “don’t tell me you’re mad too.”

“Was Lily your first?”

“Huh?”

“You heard me.” 

Oscar looked over his shoulder. “I’d really rather not talk about this in the hallway…”

“So do you want to go in the room and talk about it? In front of her? Because you lied to one of us. Which one was it?”

“YN, it’s—”

“Which one of us did you lie to, Oscar?”

He let out a sharp exhale, knowing there was no way to escape your line of questioning. He leaned down to whisper to you. “I didn’t lie to her. She just…assumed, and I never corrected her.”

“That’s still lying.”

“You really think I should go in there and tell her the truth?” His voice dripped with frustration.

“Yes. She deserves to know.”

“You know why I never told her? Because I knew this shit would happen, she’d get jealous and try to push you out of my life. If I tell her now, she’ll make me choose between the two of you.”

“Do you blame her?” you asked, astounded at how Oscar could be so clueless.

“Seriously?” he retorted. “You think she’s justified in doing all this to you? The entire reason she’s mad is because she knows if she tries to make me choose, I’m not choosing her.”

“Don’t say that! Oscar, she’s your girlfriend. You should love her.”

“I do. But things just…aren’t the same anymore. It’s like she wants me to change my whole life for her. I can’t do that.”

Unbeknownst to you, Lily got up from the bed and walked to the door, pressing her ear to it, where she could faintly hear you and Oscar arguing. 

“What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her,” Oscar continued. “And if you don’t want her to split us up, just let me handle it.”

“Oscar, she deserves better than this. I’ve missed spending time with you, but… you’ve got to tell her the truth.”

Lily opened the door. “I knew it,” she said, her eyes full of tears. “I knew you were cheating.”

Your eyes were wide as dinner plates as Oscar cursed to himself. “Lily, I swear to God that is not what happened—”

“Don’t. Don’t even try,” she said, but Oscar pushed his way back into the room anyway. He looked back to you, and even without words, you knew it was time to go. You needed some sleep.

Unfortunately, Oscar would not be getting any sleep tonight. 

“Oscar, just stop lying to me! I’m tired of this!’ Lily cried, curling her legs to her chest as she sat on the bed.

“Lily, I swear, I have never cheated on you. What YN and I were talking about was something from a long time ago.”

“We’ve been together for five years!”

“Can I just explain myself? Please?”

Lily just broke down in sobs. “Do whatever. I don’t care anymore.”

Oscar sighed. “Look, I…I have lied to you. You weren’t my first. YN was.” He looked at his girlfriend, who was still just silently crying. “It was before we even met, and it was just once, and we’ve never done anything since. I would never cheat on you, I love you and—”

“When and where was it?” Lily asked, cutting him off with her statement more like a command than a question.

“The December before we met, when I came home for Christmas.”

“In your bed?”

He nodded.

“Oscar, I slept in that bed next to you the other night.”

He said nothing. 

“Why are you doing this to me?” she asked, her voice cracking. “Haven’t I been good to you?”

“Lily, I promise, I love you more than anything.”

“Then why would you lie to me for five years?”

Oscar took a deep breath and said, “Because I was afraid you would be upset. People don’t understand that me and YN are just friends. I mean, we were raised together, she’s like my sister.”

“You had sex with her. You took each other’s virginity.”

“It wasn’t…like that.”

“How can it not be like that? Do you even hear what you’re saying?” 

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say.”

About an hour after you left, you heard a knock on your hotel room door, and you answered. It was, of course, Lily. 

“Tell me whatever Oscar wouldn’t,” she said. Her eyes were still puffy and red. 

You welcomed her in, beginning to tell her the entire truth. “Oscar and I had sex when we were 18, before he met you. We never talked about it afterwards. After you met I didn’t want to bring it up, I just assumed he’d do the right thing and tell you. I didn’t want to pry into your relationship.”

So, your stories matched. And Lily knew that you were nothing if not honest. 

“Do you love him?”

“Of course I do, he’s my best friend.”

“No, I mean, are you in love with him?” 

You didn’t answer immediately. What were you supposed to say?

Tears fought their way to the corners of your eyes, but you blinked them away. “I don’t know,” you began, but that was a lie, you did know. “I guess…I have a special type of love for him. We grew up together. When we were younger, yes, I wanted to be his girlfriend. But then he met you, and… Lily, he was so happy! I just…I realized that I wanted him to be happy more than I wanted him to be mine. So I made peace with the fact that this is how it had to be.”

Lily was overwhelmed with your honesty, in the face of so much deception. 

You continued, “I don’t blame you for being upset at me. Oscar should have been honest about what our friendship was like from the very beginning instead of lying to you. But I swear, we haven’t done anything while you all have been together. I’ve been cheated on and I know how much that hurts, I would never do that to anyone else. I’m so sorry it ended up like this.”

“No,” Lily said, “You’re the only one who’s been honest with me throughout all of this. Thank you.”

After that, you hadn’t heard from Oscar after that for a long time. Or, at least, a few weeks felt like a long time to you. But you had other pressing matters—your workload was through the roof with Oscar’s wins. Lando had snatched himself a win too, setting up an early battle for the championship. It was too early into the season to call it, but you knew Oscar was feeling the pressure with the possibility of his first championship dangling so close in front of him. So you kept your distance, not wanting to be a distraction.

That was, until he called you, saying just those three painful words.

“Lily left me.”

The sun was cresting over the horizon, illuminating the thick glass of your balcony and flooding light into your living room. You hadn’t gotten an ounce of rest. 

From your bedroom, you could hear Oscar snoring. You just let him sleep. 

God knows you both needed it. 

[creepycoffins]

Hi yes I would LOVE to hear your jotakak hcs 🙌🙌🙌

ur all enabling me stoooop I'm cringe /lh

Here are my basic thoughts :))) fair warning I have Much to say wrt Kakyoin lives au uhhh man I should just write a fic. Whatever throws this at u

kakyoin lives but his healing journey is long and arduous and uncertain. Every day is a coin toss. The physical and mental toll on the both of them is too high--theyre both 17 for fucks sake it'd be too high for anyone. How could they navigate a budding, relationship (probably each other's first?? And what with kakyoins lonely past??) when they've got more trauma combined than what most people go through in a lifetime? When jotaro thinks for even a minute too long about what kakyoin is going through (because of him, his brain supplies helpfully), Jotaro starts to unravel. So even though jotaro is sure he loves kakyoin, he does leave. he's scared of the way he feels. he does choose to live a life away from Kakyoin who, for the better part of his twenties, remains recovering with and working for the Speedwagon Foundation. Kakyoin was never really mad at Jotaro tho. Sure, he was probably bitter and stubbornly pushed away how he felt to mask his disappointment. But it was a lot, they were young, and jotaro is famously bad at sitting with his discomfort. And kakyoin was so focused on like, basically relearning how to be a human all over again, he's not sure he would've been any better himself.

When they meet again, Jotaro has already been through a failed marriage and is a few years into fatherhood. And god, kakyoin is a hearth fire. Just as bright and sharp and full of life as he'd been before, but somehow even more honed, more graceful. Jotaro is well and truly fucked. He'd never moved on, not really. And kakyoin forgives him. He sees right through Jotaro, he knows what jotaro means when he stumbles. It takes Jotaro a while to lean into it, to let himself Receive, to forgive himself. But Kakyoin is patient. And when it happens, that's it. End of story. Ruined for anyone else tbh

They do laundry and taxes together, man!! They know how the other takes their coffee, how to perfectly steep each other's tea, they borrow each other's socks, they're so in sync it disturbs everyone around them. They're an old married couple. Their flirting is devastating. People think they're fighting. They use their stands inappropriately. Kakyoin is able to take Jotaro apart with a single word, a gesture, a look. They bicker. They're like two stones smoothed over to perfectly fit into the curves of the other. They critique movies together and take nature walks and go bird watching. They both smoke the same brand of cigarettes (they get help quitting from Koichi). They have a fucking porch swing. And kakyoin is a good dad. He's so god damn proud.

Kakyoin works for the swf and uses that brain for good, but he's still an artist. Jotaro is always encouraging him to try for galleries, and goes to his shows when he does make it in. Kakyoin loves that jotaro is passionate about his degree. They have a lot of respect for each other and support each other's work. Truly equals in every sense of the word.

They talk over the phone a lot while JoJo's in Morioh. They like playing chess together. They have a favorite late night coffee shop. Theyre diligent about returning their library books. Jotaro makes a really good pineapple upside down cake. you agree

I won't share my nsfw hcs this is a mostly sfw blog but. Trust me I have them :)))

As a caveat they're both such interesting characters on their own outside of ship. and I have so many thoughts on them individually I could write essays!!! But u asked for jotakak so here I've baked u cookies (jotakak hcs) enjoy

[rbbalmung]

Pre-Timeskip Straw Hats Ranking:

1. Chopper - My baby. He’s like a little Ghibli character! I loved his design and he has such a good heart 🥹

2. Zoro - He’s so cool! I love how loyal he is and he always has the best fight scenes.

3. Luffy - Didn’t expect to like him this much, but here we are! God, he’s just such an interesting character. I really like characters with a strong moral compass/sense of their own justice, and Luffy fits that so well. Out of all the captains, I’d want him to be mine.

4. Sanji - He’s a little cringe (I am a woman), but he’s got really good scenes mixed in there! (Like that scene with Enel? Legendary).

5. Franky - TBH, he didn’t grow on me until Enies Lobby. But Franky is a homie! He’s SUPER!

6. Robin - Another character that took a bit to grow on me. I love how she just takes things in stride, it’s really funny. Her and Franky are my fave duo, so I love when they get scenes together!

7. Brook - I LOVE SKELETONS! I love his puns and his backstory made me cry. Minus points for the underwear thing, though

8. Nami - I like Nami! I wish she got a bit more control of the situations she gets thrown into (especially Thriller Bark, I felt so bad for her).

9. Usopp - I don’t hate Usopp, don’t get me wrong! He’s just kind of annoying. He’s the sniper of the crew, so it’s irritating that he rarely does any sniping. He also complains/is cowardly A LOT. I get that’s his character, but…

Time skip Ranking (I’m in Zou right now. Light spoilers for up until then?):

1. Luffy - My Number 3 pick overall! I love him so much, I can’t even. He’s really stepped it up! Something I really like about him is the slight changes in his personality after MarineFord. You can tell it effected him more than he lets on and I love that Oda is subtle about it. 10/10 protagonist!

2. Franky - SUPER!!! I just love him, he’s so fun! I may be a bit influenced because he’s my brother’s fave (we’re watching it together). Like Luffy, I love how positive and kind Franky is. I also love his power ups!! He’s so cool!!

3. Zoro - Still cool, haha. My opinion of him hasn’t changed much since before timeskip - he’s a really consistent, interesting character! I also love how he’s eager to fight, in a weird way. Nothing scares this man, it’s cool to see!

4. Usopp - Biggest jump on this list! But damn, I love Usopp now. He’s mellowed out a bit and takes a bit more of an active role on the crew! (Spoiler) He has Haki!!! I didn’t see that coming, but it’s by far the coolest Usopp moment yet!

5. Robin - As the sole introvert on a crew of extroverts, I love the dynamic she brings! Like I mentioned before, her “go with the flow” attitude is really unique and fun to see! I do wish they’d let her fight more, even though she has more of a supporting role.

6. Nami - Ever since Punk Hazard, I’ve come to realize the Nami is the heart of the crew. You can see how much she cares for everyone and wants the best for the people around her!

(I may start to sound mean from here on out, but I promise I like all the Straw Hats)

7. Sanji - SANJI STOP BEING CRINGE I SWEAR TO GOD. I know the Whole Cake is coming up soon, so I’m holding out for some major character development there. I just don’t like that women have taken over most of his screen time and that he holds resentment against Okamas. Like, not cool bro.

8. Chopper - He’s kind of been reduced to a mascot character. They never give him anything to do anymore (granted, he wasn’t in Dressrosa much so maybe I’ll be proved wrong). I don’t hate his new design, I just liked the other one better. And apparently he’s supposed to be 17??

9. Brook - Brook, for me, has filled the role Usopp had before timeskip. He’s always loud and being cowardly, it gets to be a little grating. He still has good moments, don’t get me wrong, but I wish he was a bit more like he was in Thriller Bark.

Bonus! Jinbe - Dad energy 👍 He was a real homie for Luffy on MarineFord, and I’m excited to see the dynamic he brings when he joins the crew!

[ariadnejoly]

I unapologetically love Girls

Yes, I'm bi, 😝 But I also love Girls, the comedy-drama series. The general opinion I see online is: most people can't stand to watch it. It's cringe. It makes them uncomfortable. For one reason or another, many haven't watched it. I would like to share my love for the show and what it means to me.

The glory of Adam Driver. Getting the obvious out of the way. He has always been gifted, this man who evokes such a raw and vulnerable edge. He is compelling, point blank, and this show acts as a long form story where he not only stuck around as one of the ensemble cast, but his character's evolution over the entire six seasons is a beautiful and subtle performance. I remember being surprised and delighted that Dunham didn't write out his character after a breakup, as they might do on say, Sex and the City. Adam Sackler hung around and became a core member of the group. Everyone else noticed his talent too, which is why Kathleen Kennedy snapped him up to play Kylo Ren in Star Wars. Girls gave me Adam Driver and I felt right at home in Star Wars with him. He's given his all to everything he's ever done. He is the actor of our generation. And he didn't get his breakthrough on the stage, or his episode of Law and Order. It was on Girls. But I don't need to brag. Just watch the show to see the absolutely feral and filthy fuckboi he starts out as. Watching it purely for Adam Driver will be worth it, and you might just end up liking other parts of the show, too.

It subverted my expectations constantly. And that's a good thing! People (me included) expected this new, anticipated show to be the Millennial Sex and the City. And I mean, there is sex, and there is Brooklyn, but this show goes in all different directions AND keeps up with male characters. See point 1 above. Adam, Elijah, Ray, and even dear, dysfunctional Desi round out the ensemble cast of women. As a long-time fan of Sex and the City, that show uses the Kens as ornaments, only utilized for sex and jokes, and breakups. The women don't talk about anything but the men they're dating. And guess what? That's fine! It is what it is. And I fuggin love that show --it was so formative for my 17 year old self. But then my 22 year old self watched the first season of Girls and was blown away by the way Dunham and the other creatives firmly planted their heels as an entirely different show that was not to be compared to anything that came before. These characters are complicated and deeply flawed. And at many times, unlikeable. But the writing is good. There's always one or two "bottle" episodes per season where characters are on a trip back to their hometown (season 1, episode 6), or the absolutely heartwrenching Marnie adventure in season 5 episode 6. I have many more examples I could give (Honorable mention to season 3 episode 9!). These episodes reveal another layer of complexity to each character in a way that feels lived in, possible, real. There's specificity and sharp wit. Characters often have a turbulent epiphany about their life in these bottle episodes, one that's usually scary to admit and confront. One of my favorite episodes is Hello Kitty (season 5 episode 7). It has so many moving parts, the play in the apartment building, the horrifying true story the play is based on...and yet that episode is so fun to watch. Beautifully written and directed. It has stayed deeply rooted in my mind as a piece of magic. This show has plot lines that are controversial and will absolutely divide people. It's not so middle of the road that it's blah, that’s for sure. It's irreverent and at times, utterly troubling. It makes you question your own character a little deeper. And that's why I keep coming back to study the show again and again.

Girls made me uncomfortable and cringe the first time I watched it. I was indeed like all the rest of the critics, appalled at Lena Dunham's flagrant nudity (I was from a Mormon town and had recently escaped the cult myself). Lena's body looked different than that one, victoria's secret model-type that we are all familiar with. Dunham's lack of shame horrified me and intrigued me. It tickled some deep part of my brain that yearned for the same liberation. But more than that, it was the scary way I related to the character within the first three episodes. Hannah is an aspiring writer who's 'bigger' than her friends. She hopes to be the voice of a generation. She wants to write a memoir. She’s just unkempt enough that no one takes her seriously. I was slack jawed after the pilot. I'd been watching myself on screen, for what felt like the first time ever. I staggered away from the tv and the episode rolled around in my brain, until a week went by and it was time for another episode. I'd just undergone a LEEP procedure to remove pre-cancerous cells from my cervix because I'd contracted HPV. Then episode 3 was about Hannah tracking down the boy who gave her HPV. Only to find out the ex she hooked up with that one time is gay. And yet again, it was like Lena Dunham was writing my life. Dating the gay boy who's a musical theatre aficionado? Yep. Me, Hannah, and Lady Bird. Hannah Horvath's life diverged from mine with every subsequent episode, but come on. If you were me, you would have been hooked too. Each season, no matter how batshit any character was, no matter what they did, I tuned in. And even though I was outraged when Hannah quit safe, secure jobs, like GQ (that allowed her to interview Patti LuPone!), it was really just me projecting my own money concerns. And when I cringed at her nude body, it was really just my own fatphobia and insecurity that I am still unlearning to this day. The writers of the show decided to make the characters self-sabotage in order to create comedy and drama. Hannah doesn't conform or stay quiet or people please to survive, like I had to. Watching Hannah and the girls became more of a “what not to do.” Back then I was comforted that while life was hard, at least I wasn't fucking up as badly as Hannah Horvath. Now I can laugh at the silliness and hijinks. It's all just good, fictional fun when you're past the poverty and crippling self-doubt of your twenties.

My thoughts on my body (and Hannah Horvath's) have changed. And that's the best thing of all. I rewatched Girls in 2022, a ten-year anniversary sort of thing. Wow. I saw it with different eyes. The eyes of someone older, wiser, happier. I watched it as a 32 year old, two years into my healing journey with my mind, body, and with food. And I see Girls in a new way. I see Hannah's body. It's straight out of Renaissance portraits. She is beautiful because she is real. I am also beautiful, and real. And so are you. Our bodies allow us to do and experience so many things. I'm grateful for the one I have. The culture in the 2010's was absolutely fat-shaming and misogynistic. When Dunham did press interviews, she deserved to be asked about her writing and directing, not why she was nude. And even when I wasn't ready to see Dunham's body (because I was still living in the fantasy that if I just did the next diet, I could finally be thin and look like the girls in the media), I am so glad Lena showed her real body and now that shit is immortalized in the Library of Congress. Good for her.

Girls shows some hard realities, for worse or better. The girls don't make lifelong vows to always remain friends. It's not a soulmate, forever Sunday brunch kinda thing. In fact, the show distances them all from one another over the last few seasons and at the end, gives them a sendoff in which they agree to float away from each other, more or less. And that's the true reality of some friendships, especially in your twenties. People will come and go throughout all of your life. It's a certainty. This show was creatively driven by a 24 year old woman, who was showing us the reality of adult life as a young person in a deeply corrupt, capitalistic system. A shitty recession where being an unpaid intern is legal. Getting felt up by your boss is tolerated by women in the office for the sake of financial security. Not eating to save money, hoping that boy texts you back, licking Cool Whip from the back of the spoon, avoiding the reality of your student loans. C'est la vie.

[doodleloverz]

The Original AU (Tunnel Vision/HBM au)

Fair warning, my parts of the lore might be a little silly since I was very new to writing when I was 17 (the fanfic linked was my first ever fic) and this au is also 2 years old so some things may be off or inconsistent!

I've had many attempts at putting this version together, but considering it was peices of conversations had with 2 ai bots of Leo and Donnie and me and 3 old freind's assumptions based on them, it was always a futile attempt lol. But I'll do my best to summarize here

Character Generalizations

Sal is from the future of 2099 where the kraang recently invaded Neo New York for the 2nd time after being defeated the way they are in cannon, he's tossed back into time by a kraang he was attempting to stop and meets Donnie and forms a close bond with her in this very new but old world. Sal is also a robotic mutant, mutated by the kraang somehow since in Neo New York they had better technology than the first attempt at invading.

Donnie is transfem and raised by big mama in this au, we nicknamed it the 'Homophobic big mama' au because the original bots we asked questions from kept venting about their homophobic mother pff.

Leo was very interesting, he was genderfluid and dating Usagi Yuichi (also genderfluid) but was also forced to be his mother's battle Nexus champion, and had mental health issues considering this and the homophobic thing. Too much angst? Yeah, but we were cringe and free 💪💞

Raph was also wild, she was transfem and treated differently by mama, she was Mama's dress up doll daughter. Idk I just remember Raph having a struggle of liking her modeling career but wanting to wrestle again, and also struggling with body image issues (shaving down her spikes to be more feminine and such). Wild concept but again, cringe and free

Mikey was the oldest brother, and the only cisgender sibling lmao (we asked the ai bot and that's what she said so we went with it) he was off being an assistant at a... big company? I dunno but he was also training his mystic powers

Story Summary

Sal falls from the bad 2099 future, Donnie finds him and they become close friends and he bonds with the siblings and Usagi while choosing to ignore the signs of his own timeline seeping into this one until the kraang come and they all have to fight. Sal's robotic side is activated and becomes another kraang zombie for a bit, and while everyone is fighting kraang Leo sacrifices himself to defeat the worst one, and Mikey revives him from the dead. The end.

Here's my unfinished attempt at writing all of this au into one cohesive story Tunnel Vision it was my first ever fanfic and focused much more on what I mention in the character summaries than the story summary because I got stuck when thinking of how to get to the kraang invasion part lol.

My own first sketches of them

Some amazing Linh art of them cuz they went nuts back then when I wasn't confident in drawing yet 💕

Again the lore was mostly scattered notes that I attempted with Tunnel Vision to peice together into something cohesive, it's all a mess and I always got stuck on it and never being quite satisfied. But that's why there's the advice, Kill your darlings (first ideas). So I eventually decided to take some new approaches at Sal's and DonSal's story.

[dubb0-g0ldfe11]

I'm going to be cringe. So here's a family tree of my OC's with some of my favorite pokemon characters

LORE TIME!

First up, Andromeda!

Andromeda is the submas twins older half sister from they're father's side

Ingo and Emmets father and Andromeda's mother where a couple in highschool, and when her mother suddenly got pregnant with her. they were still in highschool, so they decided keep it a secret from there parents and put her up for adoption when she was born, but they went they're separate ways once they graduated from high school

Andromeda had a hard life but not a difficult one, she had problems with bullying but she always managed to scare them off

She is a MASSIVE NERD she is always burying herself in books not caring for people

She found an abandoned Pokemon egg when she was 7 and took care of it until it hatched into a shiny Ralts! Which evolve into a gardevoir in later years

She was adopted by a lovely woman at the age of 8 years old, the woman so happened to happened to be a Pokemon professor, Andromeda was fascinated by all this new information and knowledge about mythical Pokemon and their power and so eager to learn

She became a Pokemon professor but she also writes books about dark fantasy and mythical adventures in her free time

Then she met her ex-husband Cerberus, a young, extremely handsome, and charming guy,

They dated for around 3 years and where married for 10 years

Cerberus seems like a nice and charming person on the outside but in reality he is a horrible person

Cerberus soon showed his true colors after they got married, he was a narcissistic piece of shit I believe he can do no wrong in his life

But Andromeda was so helplessly in love and so desperate to provide a father for her children that she was blind to the signs

But one day she finally had enough and left Cerberus for good, when she found out that he was beating her children behind her back

Her children are too scared of say anything in fear that Cerberus might harm their mother

But when her daughter Selene went missing without a Trace, after the four of them left him 8 years ago, she went haywire, immediately diving into her research to bring her daughter back no matter what

Soon she found out about her half sibling Emmett, who was looking for his brother Ingo

Both of them soon met up and realized that her daughter and his brother's disappearance were connected

And with each other's help along with her sons she managed to bring both her daughter Selene and Emmett's brother Ingo home

Next up to Polaris!

Polaris is Selene's older brother he was 20 years old before Selene went missing

Polaris is a very casual and calm dude, he rarely ever gets angry but when he does, he becomes an unstoppable force

He is married to Natori and got married to her when they were both 18, Natori is Alder's granddaughter

Polaris took most of Cerberus's abuse, back when his family still live with him

And back in his younger years Polaris was a MASSIVE dick, he didn't know how to regulate his emotions so he took out on everyone

But luckily he soon found error his ways and became a nice huggable, lovable, and beautiful person that is always ready to lend a hand when needed/when he wants to lol

When his sister Selene went missing, he went through a brief period of isolation.

He become really depressed and blamed himself for her disappearance

But luckily he decided to do something about it and helped his mother Andromeda and uncle Emmet they brought her and Ingo home

Next Zeke

Zeke is Selene's young brother he was 17 years old when Selene went missing

Zeke is a very quiet person prefers to keep to himself

Zeke is a Pokemon professor taking interest in his mother Andromeda's work

He took the lease to of Cerberus's abuse, mostly because he just kept quiet and did what he was told, didn't tell anyone this but that's the main reason why he keeps himself and why he is so quiet

He absolutely LOVES video games and spends lots of his free time on his computer playing all sorts of different games

But when his sister Selene went missing... He panicked, it was the biggest and worst time of his life

Constantly checking constantly looking for a sister having little to no leads

After the second year he began to slowly give up

But with the help of his family he managed to push through and bring his sister back home

Next Selene

(this picture is of her after she came back from the Hisui)

Selene is a very loud person who isn't afraid to share her opinion

She was a very troubled kid, getting into fights, stealing, ECT due to her father's abuse

But through lots of therapy she managed to pull through and become a better person for herself

Selene was 18 when she was transported into hisui and takes place as the MC in the pla storyline

Selene was VERY PISSED when this happened

But when she met volo the first time, two of them immediately clicked

The two of them would walk and talk and just laugh all the time whenever they were together throughout Selene's adventures

Soon they became a couple but then the Red sky happened

Volo tried his best to be there for Selene bringing her gifts, talking to her about myths, he tried everything to make her smile

But then volo tried to we create the world, he bagged and pleaded for Selene to join him

But when she refused Volo could only see red

The final battle was more vicious than anything either of them have I ever seen but in the end. Selene came out victorious

And without thinking volo just yelled at her

He just berating her telling her how much he hated her, and how much she wanted her dead, every single awful thing you can ever think of he said it to her

Both of them cried as Volo yelled at her and ran off never to be seen again

But little did volo know, Selene given birth to his child a few weeks back

Selene kept it a secret because she knew something was wrong with Volo, and that he was plotting something

Selene gave birth to her son Gesshoku right before the end of her exile and the battle with Palkia and Dialga

Only the people of Pearl Clan knew about her pregnancy and her son, after being sworn secrecy by irida, and was placed under Calaba's care and after she got better in recovered was placed under Ingo's care

Selene lost a lot of blood when she gave birth to Gesshoku and actually nearly died but was luckily saved by Calaba

After the battle of Volo, she just started sobbing uncontrollably, and when Ingo and the other wardens asked what's wrong she just explained everything through pained tears

By then Volo had already fled Hisui, but when Selene finish explaining EVERYONE was out for his blood

Selene stayed in Hisui with Ingo

Last but not least Gesshoku!

Gesshoku is a very happy and optimistic child

He gets his blonde hair from his father Volo, and his white streaks from Selene, the reason why he has blue in his hair is because he asked his mother to die at Blue to match her.

The reason why his eyes are blue is because he gets it from Selene's brother Polaris

People commonly mistake him as a girl because of his long hair, he just calmly corrects them that he is a boy not that he cares he just thinks it's funny

Gesshoku did ask once why he didn't have a father, and Selene was honest and tried to explain the best she could

She basically told him that he didn't love her and he didn't know about him and that's why he doesn't have a dad

Gesshoku seem to accept it just fine, as he was just curious, but he had to admit he was a bit mad at his father...who could do such a thing?

Gesshoku was 3 years old when he left Hisui and to the present day with his mother Selene and Ingo, who he lovingly refer to as Grandpa or Pop-Pop

It was a hard adjustment for him he was so used to the calmness and quietness of hisui

He would only sleep whenever his mother was around because he was so unsure and scared of everything around him

Although it was a hard adjustment for him and even though he missed everything and everyone it back in Hisui he ended up loving everything about the present

How did everyone react to Gesshoku?

Andromeda was very surprised/shocked when she first saw Gesshoku, but even more heartbroken but most importantly absolutely furious when she found out the story of what happened between Selene and Volo. But besides that she absolutely adores her grandson, spoiling him rotten every time she sees him. It wasn't easy getting his trust however as it took time. But when she did Gesshoku would always want to go to her house, and hang out with his grandmother anytime he could

Polaris was also very surprised when he first saw Gesshoku, he made a joke about beating teen pregnancy and then immediately got sucker punched in the jaw by Ingo, no one did anything about it because he absolutely deserved it Polaris would also agree with that statement, but with all jokes aside he absolutely loves his nephew, teaching him how to pokémon battle teaching him about different types of video games and even introducing him to his wife Natori! His favorite thing to do with Gesshoku is to tell funny stories about his and his siblings childhood to Gesshoku. And even letting him in on family lore when he is older.

Zeke had more of a quiet type of shock reaction, he had to leave the room because he was getting over stimulated that the fact that his sister had a child while she was missing, he felt that he ripped her away from her new family even if it hurted him deeply inside, but after some reassurance from Selene and feeling him in on the story of what happened between her and Volo, all he did was hug her tightly, in whispered that he was sorry that happened to her. Even though he has mixed feelings about Gesshoku, he still loves him and cares for him very deeply even if he has a quiet way of showing it. His favorite things to do with his nephew Gesshoku is to tell in about all sorts of pokémon how they work down to the very last detail, Gesshoku it's always happy to learn something new from his uncle

Cerberus, what's the last to find out about Gesshoku he was doing time for crimes that he committed when he was working for team plasma, when he finally got out Gesshoku was 6 years old, to say he was shocked with being understatement. He desperately wants to try to have a relationship with his children again, but Polaris, Selene, and Zeke want nothing to do with him especially after all he's done, Cerberus really wants to and desperately wants to have a relationship with his grandson, Selene told him once Gesshoku was 18 only then can he see his grandson, Cerberus knows that he has a lot of work to do if he ever wants to have a relationship with his children again, but he's willing to put in the work, even if it takes him his whole life.

Emmet, he was the most shocked to relieved and had the most mixed emotions about everything, first find out that he had a half sister, second finding out that he is technically an uncle, thirdly but finally being able to hug his brother after the many years of searching for him, so did say that it was a lot for him would be an understatement. When he saw Gesshoku he didn't know what to feel, but overall he still cares deeply about him, and upon building a closer relationship with his half sister Andromeda he finally and truly feels like he's part of the family now.

[violivs]

NMTDaily: The Ben Show

- How can I love a fictional character so much, yet cringe so hard I fold in half every time he opens his mouth? The duality of fangirling.

- I don’t care, I love that Ben came up with a terrible theme song and title card for his YouTube show and then never used it again. What a precious nerd.

- “to add some new voices into the debate” babes, this isn’t a debate. Claudio is gonna keep liking his crush no matter what you think, I’m so sorry.

- Ben is PRESSED about Claudio dating. It’s going to get worse. He cannot handle losing his friends even hypothetically.

- Pedro the natural talk show guest thanking the audience for the imaginary applause is gold, as is the ‘WTF’ face he makes when Ben says he’ll photoshop some shit in later. He has Ben’s number, that boy’s never used Photoshop in his life!

- “he’s one of my best mates” “thanks” it’s the way Pedro is momentarily touched and then Ben goes back to being annoying and Pedro’s like, right, never mind.

- Ben is soooo… like, ‘if I constantly tell myself I’m the coolest guy ever and everyone is lucky to be my mate, eventually I’ll start to believe it. Right? …Right?’ (He’s my blorbo and I want to hug him even when he’s being the worst.)

- I love them spending a good 30 seconds just singing Claudio’s name in various tones until he comes in.

- Pedro immediately gives Claudio a noogie. It’s all annoying teenage boys here! It’s how they show affection lol

- Why do I feel like Pedro has absolutely already guessed who Claudio likes? It’s still bad of Ben to tell him, but the smirk on his face! He knows.

- Other people have also noted that it’s really easy to tell what name Ben is writing down. So if Peter didn’t know before, he certainly does in that split second.

- Interesting that Ben doesn’t believe in love, his whole goal is to talk Claudio out of going out with Hero, but he still keeps describing Hero as the girl Claudio LOVES. Not likes. Even Claudio is saying ‘no I don’t love her yet’. Ben’s probably trying to point out exactly that, that it’s not that deep and Claudio should let it go.

- But it’s also interesting to remember that (spoilers!) Ben’s first love is zero-to-100 immediately using the L word right after they get together Love, so in a way that’s all he knows. He just doesn’t, ah, know it yet.

- Really going in on Hero’s height here. Probably because she’s such a lovely person you have to fabricate some cons for the pro-con list. (And because it’s an adaptation of lines from the play, of course.)

- Hero’s almost 16. Is Claudio 16? Is he a year younger than Ben and Pedro and Bea? Or are the four of them all seniors, making them 17 going on 18?

- Ben is going to absolutely hate himself for making a sex joke even remotely involving Hero by the time he rewatches these videos, oh god.

- Peter the peacekeeper! The way these dynamics start out, knowing how they’re going to change, is fascinating. Ben needed to be called out here and he listened, begrudgingly. Well done Pete.

- The boys are so tactile. Tackling each other, the aforementioned noogie. It’s both fighting each other and showing affection. Just something to note.

- Ben giving the most insincere apology in the world. He rags on people because he loves them, and he doesn’t always know when to stop. (Kind of like Beatrice does…)

- “I’m going as the best superhero ever.” “Beyoncé?” “I wish!” ICONIC exchange tbh

- Ending on an Allons-y! And the sonic turning off the video. I love that. What an adorable nerd.

- “Pedro beatboxing” I love having captions on, this is a GEM. He looks so proud of himself for the beatboxing too! I love it.

💖🥭🦩

[maniacwatchestheworld]

Took a flight to Singapore yesterday. 17 hour long flight. I managed to watch 5 movies on that flight and therefore only got about an hour and a half of sleep! I had a positively delightful time! :D And 3 of those movies were Batman-related! Lol Here are my quick reviews!

Sonic 2: It was alright. Plenty cute. But the Uptown Funk sequence made me cringe out of my skin. Of course the best part of the entire movie was everything with Stone. Stone is the best part of any of these films. Love that man. Love Stobotnik! Also I will admit. I am somewhat invested in seeing this secret agent guy getting pegged. Man deserves it after what he put his fiance through in that whole Hawaii wedding subplot! Love the bride getting to kick ass tho. She was a delight! Everything around her was less so. :p Bit always Stone! Forever! Love that man! He deserves to be put into the main Sonic franchise! I would not care if anything else from the movies makes it into the main Sonic franchise. I JUST WANT STONE!

Inside Out 2: It was pretty good! The new emotions were a good addition to the cast. Seeing how they conceptualise and show beliefs and Riley's sense of self was interesting. Also Anger being a bit of a MVP in helping Joy out. Good for him! Probably top 10 in terms of Pixar film continuation. Also Riley is nonbinary. This is what this movie has convinced me of. You cannot sway me! That is the REAL nature of Riley's BIG SECRET! Riley just doesn't know it yet!

Joker: And on a completely separate note... Joker! It was. Okay. :/ For what it was trying to do, it was okay and did it well enough. But just like... Eh. Not really my thing. And I don't really understand why it's so popular or considered to be so much of a cultural touchstone. I don't get the hype. I don't get why people relate to it so much unless they're just real sad and pathetic losers. Also the dudebros were surprised that the sequel was a musical? Did they even watch the first movie!? It was pretty much just a miserable jukebox musical. And I don't care much for jukebox musicals at the best of times. :p It was only just barely not misery porn by virtue of it not particularly lingering nor really relishing in the misery of itself. It was fine. Joaquin Pheonix just spending decent lengths of the film purely vibing to his playlist was entertaining sometimes. I found parts of the movie interesting and funny. But probably in none of the ways that it intended or meant. It was mid. But hey! At least Gary lived! Pretty much the only likable character in the film who didn't primarily exist as a hallucination. Everyone else including Arthur was a (typically ableist) dick to him, but at least he lived, so that's alright with me! 5/10

Birds of Prey: Now this was much better! A lot more fun and interesting of a movie! By far the most fun and interesting iterations I've ever seen of Black Mask and Zsasz! They are deeply nothingburger characters to me typically in the comics. I don't even really know why or how they keep getting emphasis or attention in stories. But they gay here and that's fun! Just a delightful, fun girl's night out! I don't dislike what they did with Dinah and Cass' backgrounds. I probably like the comic iterations of their backgrounds better, but they were pretty a'ight! I just hope that everything that Birds of Prey was doing wouldn't possibly be hostile or alienate people who want to get into comics from that entry point. Because that would be a shame. :p Great and fun movie! Go see it!

The Batman: Now this is a movie that FUCKS! :D I enjoyed it GREATLY! Exactly what I want out of a Batman mystery thriller type of movie! EXACTLY my type of movie! Great time! GREAT fun! I probably should have seen it earlier! I need to read the Long Halloween don't I...? >.>

[duckapus]

The SMG Trios of Origins Interrupted

Barry

The protagonist of a block pushing puzzle game called "Blook"

A cute little red square guy with mitten hands, big blocky eyebrows, thick vertical lines for eyes, and a cute little one tooth overbite

In modern day he has a permanent scowl, full eyes with beady pupils and prominent eyebags, and is always wearing a grey fedora-trenchcoat combo. Still has the cute overbite though.

Was originally a friendly, helpful little buddy who cheered the player on, and becoming the Avatar turned him into an insane idiotic asshole like Season 1 Mario.

Due to a lack of positive influences, by the time he managed to get his new personality under control he'd managed to drive away everyone who'd ever cared about him, turning him bitter and jaded

Only found out about all the Meme Cycle stuff after that, causing him to abandon his home universe and set off on a crusade against the SMG Program

Absolutely hates memes, and especially hates that his Avatar status gives him the inescapable compulsion to use them

SMG17 and SMG18

Preferred to keep to themselves, hence why they weren't involved in Barry's life until after he hit rock bottom and began to hate them

They don't really show up outside of flashbacks, so all that's really known about them is that 17 is green and 18 is pink

Ash Ketchum

Since Barry's meddling means he doesn't get memed until near the end of the arc, he acts exactly the same as in canon

Is surprisingly okay with the fact that winning will turn him into a chaotic idiot

Can already use some memes even though he's not the Avatar yet, similarly to how Meggy can occasionally use memes despite not really Getting them

Uses his Unova outfit because I like it the most, but in terms of memories, experience and available Pokemon he's from after the last episode of Aim to be a Pokemon Master

Is 17 because fuck you canon there's no way he's still ten after all that you can't do that much stuff in less than a year. Really even 17 feels like I'm lowballing it a bit, but I wanted him to still be at "technically a kid" age for extra "excuse me what the fuck" points when everyone else finds out what his life is like

Pikachu

Got a little bit zapped by one of the Pods when Barry was stealing them to suppress the Meme Wave so now he can talk and is kind of an asshole

He was really already an asshole it's just that now everyone can understand him

The only meme character in a canon world. Such is life

SMG29

Been alive for less than a minute and already realized she's trans

The Sane One

Is well aware of her sense of humor being tuned to dead memes and fully embraces The Cringe

I'll decide on designs for her and 30 later but do know that she trades her palette swap outfit for something more her style as soon as possible

She does at least keep her hat, which is blue and black with a female Nidoran face instead of red and white with a light blue pokeball emblem

SMG30

MAXIMUM ADHD. Cannot stay still to save his life, even moreso than Ash

Doesn't tend to come up with crazy ideas of his own, but is very much an enabler of everyone else's crazy ideas

Has a bit of a mad scientist streak, which is where most of the exceptions to his lack of crazy ideas stem from

His hat is green and white with a purple SMG arrow pointing up

They both get Pokemon partners after the situation is dealt with, but I haven't picked them yet.

[applesandbannas747]

for the ask game: 6 for dead hearts and sinew&bone, 12 (sorry had to), and 17 👀

For this ask game! Thanks so much for playing <3

6. What’s one fact about the universe of a fic that you didn’t get a chance to mention in the fic itself?

Dead Hearts:

oooo probably Warlock stuff. I really love the concept of wizards, witches, and warlocks all being Different, nongendered, things instead of gendered and/or interchangeable names (I blame Septimus Heap for that one). Anyway, warlocks in Dead Hearts have a special connection to magic because while witches' magic connects them to the earth, warlocks are so much a part of the earth that magic flows directly from it through them--it's also what makes them able to read others' magic (like Eugene did to Jesse's) because they're a conduit for magic and connection as much as the earth itself is, so their magic is sort of...everyone's magic. It's a stream always flowing through them as opposed to a witch's bottomless lake. (Wizards might harness magic artificially, though I didn't completely flesh out that thought--a wizard is probably what Nick would have been during his first life, because his magic was being pulled from an outside source, and what Eugene was trying to do--and eventually succeeded in doing was open Nick to the flow of magic warlocks experience).

I wrote up a bunch more lore and realized that it would be a shame to share it in case I ever wanted to write about it, which means my dumb brain has probably decided it does want to write the theoretical eugesse spin-off at some point. so stay tuned for that in like 3 years i guess XD

Sinew & Bone:

So! When Nick sees Jesse in Eugene's room, they immediately recognize each other as pack. Nick had previously commented to Eugene to leave whatever werewolf he's sleeping with because it's obviously he's stressed all the time now and his scent is all mixed with wolf. The reason Nick didn't know then that Eugene's wolf was Jesse is that his brain filtered the possibility out. The scent was Eugene, Family, Wolf, and Nick immediately assigned the family association to Eugene completely on accident and with no recognition that he even smelled that on Eugene because his subconscious sees Eugene as family, so he didn't register anything amiss with Eugene's scent in that regard. So all he picked up from Eugene that was out of place was a random shifter's scent.

12. Are there any tropes you used to dislike but have grown on you?

oh man i fEEEL like there was a specific trope I immediately had in mind for this one but because I waited so long to answer, I literally can't remember anymore.

Perhaps song fics? I hate reading them but have ended up writing several tangential fics that DO quote song lyrics in them jfdsah Really I'm just a hypocrite. I'll come back if i ever remember my real answer??

17. What highly specific AU do you want to read or write even though you might be the only person to appreciate it?

oh man so many honestly. and like. I do it pretty regularly XD but two super specific and indulgent aus that genuinely no one but me and, like, one other specific person would read are:

1) characters somehow getting swapped with older/younger versions of themselves. For example, 25 year old Nick swapping places with 16 year old Nick and remembering what a dick baby Seiji was to him, while 16 year old Nick's trying to fight with a 25 year old Seiji. I like versions where it's just mind swapped and versions where it's whole body as well (those are fun for the oh no he's hot moment they come with). Fun fact, my original idea for the 'childhood' prompt in the 30 Day Fence Challenge was 17 or so Nick swapping out minds with 12 year old Nick but I couldn't make it work the way I wanted it to in the time I had to write it so it got shelved

2) the Ultimate self-indulgence of MAXIMUM cringe level but aus where a pre-get-together ship's future kid somehow gets dumped back in time and seeks out their parent/s and they're like what do you mEAN I married him?!?! and yes i do have a specific scenario for both Eugesse and Nichoji fics of this variety and if I had time to fit them in my writing schedules, y'all would have to suffer months of irrelevant content from me uwu

[star4daisy]

Wife on her duty as a perfect wife i'm!

For the asking game, babe. Give me what i need... 3, 4, 14, 17, 19, 30, 35, and 43 (even tho i already know the answer).

Lov u sfm🖤

omg it was a joke luv <3

3. Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic

I'm the worst person to answer this I have no process sometimes I plan everything out and then write based on that and actually do what I planned, most times the characters take life and change everything and I keep trying to go back to the original plan and sometimes can still fit some things, usually not lol when I have time I just go with the flow and then if I'm interrupted I have to write down what I want to happen next otherwise I will not remember when I open the docs again, on the good days I write without actually thinking about it so I don't remember it well just feels like my fingers can't type fast enough lol very automatic

4. Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

(I think I've answered this before in a better way) everywhere, things come to me at the most random times, usually when I'm daydreaming before falling asleep, sometimes by other books, tv shows or music but mostly it just feels like I spent six years of my life repressing my creative side so I could do physics and calculus so now that I'm letting it loose it's running wild lol

14. how do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences?

I don't write emotional scenes, I can't do emotional or vulnerable therefore neither can my characters which is why I mostly write from Barty/Evan's pov lol it's a different type of emotional I guess I have a dificulty in making my characters say I love you, I just cringe so badly. I don't feel what they feel at all lol and the only personal experience would be from emotions like anger

17. What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

inspiration never lacks the problem is the lack of time, but when things aren't flowing I stop and go watch something, read or go to the gym until my mojo comes back

19. What is the most-used tag on your ao3?

Morally Ambiguous Characters and Graphic Depictions of Violence

30. Do you share rough drafts or do you wait until it’s all polished?

sometimes I just post the draft lol I cannot re-read things before posting so the first few people reading are definetly getting screwed over sorry, but then I feel the pressure of having people seeing all my mistakes and it forces me to go polish it

35. What is one essential thing to remember when writing a villain?

question what are his motives and why did he chose that path and maybe not make him one-dimensional like his whole purpose isn't just to go against the hero, make him compelling, make us believe in why he chose that path make us understand him and feel sorry for his motivations, I always like that lol

43. Do you take a sadistic joy in whumping your characters, or are you more the "If you hurt them I would kill everyone and then myself" kind of person?

Definetely the first, I'm very disattached to death, I have cried in very few fics and it's not when people die lol sometimes living is more painful so I never expect people to say they cried and when they do I'm always in shock

thx <3 I thought this was gonna be harder lol but maybe I just didn't answer as I should lol

[queen-beefcake-sqx]

Ask game, feel free to comment for both fandoms please or skip for one.

2,6,7,9 16, 17, 21, 22,

I'm going to like.... jump around to whatever fandom I feel like for each question.

2. a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

Okay so I did this for Disco Elysium so -- He Xuan would never bottom. My compelling argument is he told me personally. Next question.

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

I'm sorry but all ya'll Qi Rong fans who keep trying to find him a boyfriend... I support you, but maybe go stand over there? please????

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

Again, did this one for Disco Elysium, so again tying into the above answer... Qi Rong is a character I'd like to be able to spend more braincells thinking about, because I think there COULD be some interesting meta I could make about him, but the fandom seems to have a very predetermined way of thinking about him and writing him that makes it so hard for me to want to engage.

9. worst part of canon

I feel like I can't speak on DE just because I haven't finished or explored it as thoroughly as I'd like to yet. For MXTX books... God I'll be so honest it was silly and fun the first time, but I cringe rereading the whole Statue Mecha scene near the end of TGCF. It's so ridiculous and outlandish that it breaks emersion for me a bit.

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

Okay, I'll be SO HONEST -- as someone who's come to better accept his trans masc-ness because of Kim Kitsuragi -- I'm kind of shocked at the sheer amount of trans!Kim fics. And I guess there's a part of me squinting at it going, "Isn't there something a little weird about ascribing transmasculinity to a character who -- in the real world -- is part of a race that's often feminized (the "pretty Asian boy" stereotype) and is visually the most slender and short of the male characters? Like? That feels a little weird to me, ya'll..."

(Like, not saying stop, I get it, and the fanfics handle it really well on the whole, but also like... I think it's worth asking ourselves (1) WHY Kim gets this treatment over Harry or another character and (2) WHAT kinds of queerness we're ascribing onto characters. Especially in light of stuff like me seeing KimHarry on a yuri poll.... like. come on ya'll. A tiny bit of critical thinking) (and again. not saying "don't write queer characters" but maybe like... consider diversifying your options).

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

Tip Top Racer Kim. Why the fuck are none of you writing Tip Top Racer Kim Kitsuragi AUs. Why. Where's the art. Where's Kim in tight fitting racing uniform huh??? (which. uh. if anyone has a good artist you'd recommend for a commission....) (I am LEGALLY obligated to drop my favorite DE fic now just so you all can see THE POTENTIAL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/40802268) Also not enough Jean crossdressing fics, send tweet. That blonde wig is all I think about and there's so much unresolved in that choice....

21. part of canon you think is overhyped

In Disco Elysium, who the FUCK are these student communist dudes everyone is talking about because I LITERALLY haven't seen them.

Also for TGCF, the underwater kiss scene. The actual kiss is honestly secondary to me to EVERYTHING ELSE happening in that moment because people seem to forget how INSANE the circumstances are.

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores Oh for my MXTX fandoms that's easy -- I am easily the second most Beefleaf brain rot person you'll ever meet and the Black Water Arc of TGCF is everything to me. Everyone always talks about the climax and the beheading and sure that's cool but the BUILD UP? The visit to Fu Gu and watching the performance of He Xuan's massacre? The Truth or Dare game in the temple? The foreshadowing with the Water and Wind master statues? The visit to Shi Qingxuan's terrace and the poetry written there? BREAKING SQX OUT OF HER PALACE BECAUSE SWD IMPRISONED HER? AND THEN SQX WALKING AWAY FROM YUSHI HUANG'S FARM AFTER "MING YI" TRIES TO GET HER TO STAY BEHIND? None of you talk enough about the LENGTHS He Xuan went to to try to avoid getting SQX involved in SWD's death and it makes me ABSOLUTELY INSANE ON A DAILY BASIS!!! I am chewing on glass about this!!!!

[shineon3]

Hi fellow writer💜

I saw this post on my tl and liked to questions, so I decided to answer them!

1. Tbh I write in Calibri because it's a really nice font, I don't know...

2. I could write stories by hands, I already do it before writing them on my computer. It feels right to write them on paper first, it's like the words flow with the emotions already attached to them. And I write sometimes with a pen, sometimes with a pencil, sometimes both.

3. I don't have a cursed writing ritual, at least I think... But I write with music all the time, and I have to listen to music that fits the plot, the mood and the characters of the story.

4. Pet names and smooth talking in general (and dirty talk too :) ) but if we're talking feral as in angry I just hate to read the world member ugh.

5. I don't think I have any writing superstition, or I just don't know about it maybe...

6. Either that someone from my family finds out about it and don't approve or that I receive hateful comments about my work :(

7. Feeling like I'm living the story with my characters, and dreaming about what happens next in the plot haha.

8. I think I would choose to write without dialogue, because honestly I feel like I don't write good dialogues already so I guess I could do without??? I don't know...

9. They sound cool in principle and I believe ghosts exists but not in our plane of existence.

10. As in it's always in the back of my mind and giving me anxiety? God yes, there a thing I wrote like almost four years ago in French ( it's my first language) and I find it soooo cringe I can't even look at it, but I really liked the plot and I want to go back and write it in English. I physically cannot open the document without cringing :(

11. I am inable of killing characters and especially my darlings. I can't hurt them,I can make them suffer but I just can't kill anyone.

12. To not have writing block anymore, to write better and less awkward dialogues, and please let me write sudden actions without introducing them with "suddenly " I am begging you !

13. It's not really a subject but I can't write endings for the love of everything holy, I can't start a story just fine,I can write scenes and make them fit someway together but ending a story other than an os ? Impossible.

14. I don't lend books. Ever. At all. The only time I ever did, I got back my book an eternity after in the most awful state possible. I learned my mistake... Maybe I can learn to lend books again, but only to someone I trust or someone who reads a lot and knows how to take care of books.

15. I don't write in my books at all, but I do dog-ear my pages, and I read on the bathroom, and everyone I know judges me and thinks I'm weird for all of that :/ And of course we can still be friends, I don't judge 💜

16. Wow, I actually don't even remember the last time I used a bookmark haha, I usually just dog-ear my pages.

17. Sadly I don't have a current WIP, but I'm trying to worldbuild for a story, and I am trying to write all my headcanons about mythical species like vampires who get affect by the blood moon and get really irritated and act a lot on instinct during it, naga people, mermaids, etc...

18. It's not really a passage, but kind of a whole fic I wrote that literally spiraled from me listening to Teeth by 5SOS, and it was really fun to write. Here :

19. I actually started during quarantine because I was reading a lot of fanfiction at that time (still do haha) and I thought to myself "Why not do something like that?" I wrote a lot during that time, but all that stuff I really cringe and my style was awful and redundant back then. I struggled a lot with writing anything because I had words but my way of putting them together was awful and confusing, if that makes sense. My writing style evolved a lot from then to now, and while I still struggle with Writer's block and some details, I am proud of my works on ao3 and I don't cringe while rereading them sooo :)

20. That... is such a hard question. I would loooove to live in eternal happiness with my one true love buuuut, my dearest WIP would be just amazing and mind blowing of it could be published in the way I want... Aaaah, I just can't choose !!!

21. I don't think I could ever quit writing. I love doing it so much, and it gets to the point that I daydream and sometimes actually dream the plots I want to write.

22. I am sooo disorganised! I have a box where I keep all the things I wrote, and it's just pure chaos. I can find my way through it pretty easily, but anyone else would probably lose their minds just looking at it.

23. Hmm, it depends on the time. Just recently though, I wrote on my bed, in my room, at midnight. It was sooo dark,and the only light I had was the dimmed light of my phone screen. I was writing on stray papers that I stacked on a notebook, and I had the notes on my closed laptop on my lap. There also was a plug that emited a nice dark blue light on a little spot on the ceiling. I liked writing during the dead of the night, while everyone around me was sleeping. There's a window right behind my bed but it doesn't provide much light, and that's why I rely on my phone.

24. It depends on the story but I usually do prep work to stays as anatomically acurate as possible, and to not get canon details wrong. I don't mind doing prep work cuz I sometimes get to discover new things I'd like to incorporate into my story.

25. One of my characters just doesnt like some clothes and food textures, like velvet for example. That fact is completely and totally irrelevant to the plot. I just like it that way cuz I can relate :)

26. I usually listen to songs that remind me of them or that weirdly got linked to that character when I first heard it. Music is a big part of my writing habit and I like to use it in many different ways. I don't think I've ever struggled to get out of a character's head, but I have made myself sad to the point of crying while putting myself in their place sometimes.

27. Just recently I wrote about a character, Yancy from ahwm, that had an accent. I really wanted to write about them, but I was sooo afraid of messing the accent up because the accent is what makes the character recognizable and it is really hard to retranscribe in dialogues in my opinion.

28. I think the most delightful character I've ever written about is Sora from the Kingdom Hearts series, he's just so happy and optimistic and he loves everyone around him. Just writing him gives me joy :)

29. Honestly, music is probably my biggest source of inspiration, and fanfictions come right after. Music can provide me with lots of things; sometimes I listen to a song and I can imagine a whole scene around it, sometimes a sad song can put me in just the right mindset to write angst, etc... As for when I run dry, I still haven't found a way to help it, I just wait until inspiration comes back or force myself to write in hopes it snaps back or something.

30. Dreams play a big role in my writing life, because I sometimes end up dreaming about a good plot and using that idea. I just watch the plot happen like a movie in front of me, and sometimes I bring modifications to it in the dream.

31. My readers are honestly the best. Just the fact that they read my works on ao3, leave kudos and appreciate it makes me happy :) and the readers who leave reviews are a balm to my anxious heart. But I love all my readers, silent or not 💜

32. “Your violin is a very special object.

- Why is that?

- It keeps bringing us back together.”

It's a piece of dialogue form one of the best fanfics I've ever read on ao3, called The Violin, and it's a WWII romance. I loved it, and each time I reread it, it still fills me with emotions. I was just browsing ao3 when I found this fic and God I don't regret it.

33. I am trying to learn how to draw, and I am quite terrible at it, even if I'm hoping to improve soon. But sometimes I like to doodle stuff related to the characters I write about, or the fandoms I obsess about at the moment.

34. Just meh. Sometimes I use it, sometimes I don't. Depends.

35. Hmm, tough question. I'm of those people who learned English through speaking and listening, and not really through rules, so my grammar is quite shaky. The rule I usually go back is if it sounds good, it must be correct.

36. What do I know? I know words, and I try to use them as correctly as possible. I know emotions and I try to convey them. I know humans, or at least some of them, and I try to show how complex they are. I don't know many things but I try to use what I know wisely.

37. That I must have been weird weird person, and that my interests were really odd. I hope they at least find what I've written good.

38. I think the some weird things in my writing process ( or most likely what people find weird in mine) are that I have to write on paper first, I just don't feel comfortable in typing a new story, I have to write it first. I also have to be kind of immersed in music that fits what I'm writing about, and not be bothered because I lose my thoughts and words very easily. I don't actually know of this is weird but ehhh...

Also I really think cats see us as big floof-less cats that need warmth and cuddles.

39. Honestly, my IRL friends. Bless them for being really supportive and providing feed back to my stories. They help me when I feel blocked and unable to write and make my inspiration flourish 💜

40. I'm sooo sorry I don't know anything about poems T-T

Weird Questions for Writers (because writers are weird)

1. What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?

2. If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen or pencil?

3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true?

6. What is your darkest fear about writing?

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?

9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

11. Do you believe in the old advice to “kill your darlings?” Are you a ruthless darling assassin? What happens to the darlings you murder? Do you have a darling graveyard? Do you grieve?

12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

14. Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back?

15. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends?

16. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark?

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

20. If a witch offered you the choice between eternal happiness with your one true love and the ability to finally finish, perfect, and publish your dearest, darlingest, most precious WIP in exactly the way you've always imagined it — which would you choose? You can’t have both sorry, life’s a bitch

21. Could you ever quit writing? Do you ever wish you could? Why or why not?

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

23. Describe the physical environment in which you write. Be as detailed as possible. Tell me what’s around you as you work. Paint me a picture.

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?

26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?

27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why?

28. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why?

29. Where do you draw your inspiration? What do you do when the inspiration well runs dry?

30. Talk to me about the role dreams play in your writing life. Have you ever used material from your dreams in your writing? Have you ever written in a dream? Did you remember it when you woke up?

31. Write a short love letter to your readers.

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

33. Do you practice any other art besides writing? Does that art ever tie into your writing, or is it entirely separate?

34. Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go:

35. What’s your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens?

36. They say to Write What You Know. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this is terrible advice...what do you Know?

37. If you were to be remembered only by the words you’ve put on the page, what would future historians think of you?

38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us?

39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.

[cerseimikaelson]

16, 17, & 23!

Hi, thank you for the ask!

16. What do you struggle with most when writing?

I think it's a classic, but intimacy scenes or smut. It's not something I have a lot of experience writing, so when it comes up for plot purposes it always trips me up. I have to map the scene out in my head and make sure the "vibe", I guess, aligns with the characters' personality and desires. I am always scared people are going to read a smutty scene I've written and cringe or laugh, so I try to make it as realistic as possible while also staying true to the story.

17. What is something you recently felt proud of in your writing?

I am supremely proud of how much and how fast Modern Myths has grown. What started as a fluffy 5k one shot is now a complete universe with characters and backstories and themes I have created. I have so many plans and ideas for it and I am thrilled with everyone's interest and response.

In more specific terms, I absolutely loved writing the epilogue for The Way to the Heart (even though I was in tears because I am going to miss Hera and Zeus) I wanted to tie everything over and I think I did great. And of course working on KTE and researching a lot of modern day topics such as fame, peer pressure, cyber violence etc and incorporating them into the plot.

23. What's a story you'd love to write but haven't even started yet?

I want to be able to fully focus on KTE instead of just adding lines to it whenever I have the time due to some IRL pressing stuff. The future installments never leave my mind either. I can't say too much about this because I don't want to spoil it. But it's important to me so I am trying to give myself the time and focus required to do it well.

In terms of fanfiction, I'd like to try my hand at a new fandom. (meaning one I've never written about before) Maybe ACOTAR? I'd also like to write something new with my Hunger Games OCs, Vera and Hayden, but it's mostly just a vague idea floating about. Maybe if inspirations strikes.

[midnightmeteora]

MEDIA THREAD-FEBRUARY

A short month no doubt, spent most of it drawing (I gonna try to finish those wips I swear). Anyway:

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14.-Hazbin Hotel (season 1)

I'm not someone who enjoys negative ranting on media. But oh my god I didn't like this show. Thankfully I watched this along side my GF and my Bestie but still, it was quite dreadful getting through this show. The script was annoying. All of those parodies about Vivzie's shows are true, there's always a swear in most sentences. It stops being funny and it becomes annoying, cringe even. I don't get this show, is it a comedy or a genuine attempt of making a social commentary??? It tries to tell a story about redemption and the value of change, but it doesn't have the pay off nor the build up to excel imo. For most of the runtime, this show barely attempts to dive deep into the nuance of the characters, most of the time if there is nuance to be found. It later decides to either treat it as a joke or rush to no end, lacking the payoff expected for serious issues like sexual and psychological abuse. The visuals were also kinda sucky. It has a unique style no doubt. But everything blends together when there's so much color overlap and over designed characters with similar motifs and color palettes. Most of the songs are alright on their own, but in the show itself, I only enjoyed like half of them. Yeah this show wasn't for me, and the more I think about it, the angrier I get ngl.

. #15.-Kimi ni Todoke (season 1)

Love letter to shojo media (? One of my favorite shows rn, it's so comfy, yet it still pulls them punches with the drama when it needs to. Every character is so loveable and the humor is wholesome fun. I really like how it develops the characters thru meaningful interactions and moments that pushes these teens foward. I'm loving this show, quite excited for S3 later on this year :]

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#16.-Sonic Frontiers (main game replay and update 2 content playthrough)

I still really like this game! Admitedly, its luster did shine off a bit now that it's been a while since the original release. This time more cracks became more noticeable to me, particularly the plot itself is rather empty and on a second playthrough it brings the game down a tad bit. The last section in Ouranos island is veryy weak plot wise, even though I had a blast with the gameplay. I still believe that this is a cleverly designed game, but I wished it had more production values behind it. By far the main aspect that will age the game later on. This game kinda lacks the visual aesthetic and presence that many other games in this franchise have. Not only that, the new additions like the jump acceleration kind of made some of the open zone sections kind of dry... I really look foward to the next mainline game, this game is still the best step in the right direction it could've been. The update 2 content was also really fun! I really like the action challenges and the new kokos were neat to get. I mightttt need another replay to abuse the spindash to hell and back, but I still need to finish new horizons as of writing.

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#17.-Sonic Frontiers: Final Horizons update

Damn was this a mixbag. I'm a bit underwhelmed ngl. It wasn't bad, but it kinda pushed the game to its absolute limits, and not in a pleasant way. The unrefinement from the main game is in an all time high. The new island content and characters are ok. Amy is fine for the most part, doe I wish she was able to wall climb. Knuckles was so much fun and I hope they use this template for future appearances. And Tails' tornado was so broken that made his sections redundant. I think everyone but knuckles kinda show the issues with the open zone. You can skip so much of the platforming that it kinda robs you from the main draw of the game. The new cyberspace levels are really cool!! But I did not enjoy completing the extra missions, they made the experience far more frustrating and unpleasant, not only that but you hardly even need to engange with cyberspace, but i'll get to it in a second. The new mixes are nice and the new levels are pretty sick and fun to speedrun but I still feel like they don't benefit from the asset re-use and the weird jank the game has.

The tower challenges were a bit of a mixbag, the platforming got a bit obnoxious on tower 2 and 4 ngl, but I did enjoy the trials. Trial 5 is no doubt quite infamous, but I actually found it fun, I liked figuring out how to minmax my time defeating the titans. It kinda show how clunky the parry and the animations are however, and yet, it also made me appreciate the enemy design and the combat way more than I already did! Finally, we got a new final boss battle, and it was alright? The spectacle was nice, but after all the things I had to do to even get there, I'd rather have the original ouranos island section as easy and anticlimatic it might've been. The new added story wasn't that much different either, just a tad more flashy with a bit more involvement from the main cast. Overall it was an ok addition, but I wished I didn't spent that much time doing the extra missions and stuff, many of the parts of this update lacks the incentive I desired and at times, the payoff I expected. Which is why it felt underwhelming for me. I hope the next game is an improvement over final horizons, if this is going to be the main base for the forseeable future, then there's still work to be done.

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#18.-Super Mario Bros (NES)

I'm starting to play more retro games as of lately since I really want to have more games that I can replay whenever I want a quick gaming session aside from Mega man and Sonic. So I'm want to try the 2D Mario games since admitedly, I was never a Mario guy (If you couldn't tell by my Sonic fanatism). 2D Mario has never grabbed my attention since it is rather vanilla and the "new super mario" series also left a very bad taste in my mouth just like everyone else growing up. Anyway, og super mario on NES was fun tbh. It is quite challenging for modern standards, but I found plenty to like tbh. The potential for further replays is hampered by those tight physics doe, I'm already playing SMB3 (I'm gonna skip 2 for the time being tbh) and I can already tell that the control was pretty tight in this first game. Hammer bros are really agressive too. I'm glad I'm finally beat this game, even though it cramped my hands like a MF bc I played this on a 3DS.

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#19.-Kimi Ni Todoke (Season 2)

THIS WAS PRETTY GOOD, the drama got pretty interesting and it developed the characters extremely well. It has a ton of nuance that I want to rewatch and admire all over again ngl. Left extremely soft after watching it. Can't wait for season 3

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Might start to do more stand alone posts from now on if I want to continue logging these opinions lol.