#his and anthony trauma comes from the same place

[dearestgentlereaders]

so anthony’s trauma is a result of him losing his dad and then taking on the mantle of being the head of the household but colin who by the way had the same dad has no trauma and is just an entitled middle kid who goes on gap years. please make it make sense. they have the same trauma origin yet anthony is given the grace of understanding that the trauma of losing his dad made him flawed but the same grace can’t be shown towards colin??? you know the trauma of losing a parent impacts all the kids and not just the eldest right? that’s how dumb these arguments sound sometimes.

[theblasianwitch]

@creatingblackcharacters Is currently hosting an event for Black History Month. And I for one am so for it!!

Please have a look if you'd like to learn more about their challenge and participate

Not sure who to tag as I'm not sure how many people I know on here are artists or writers, but if you make things of any kind you can still participate. @crazycatsiren @thecomfywriter @venusrrvelez

For my contribution (the word feels wrong but my brain doesn't know what word to use at the moment): Szar Rei Ra, Jay Benu, Anthony Benu, Bora, Fiona Ra, and Xana.

In my series "Different Yet Same" I have many characters of varrying backgrounds. Everyone's background, upbringing, family history, and culture are as diverse as they are. I'm going to describe all of them, but put certain emphasis on one's I feel embody Black History and have something to offer in terms of being more culturally sensitive and understanding.

Szar Rei Ra is the main male character in my story. Without spoiling too much, he is a descendant of the Egyptian God Ra and has a heart for the people that was noticed and taken advantage of. Realizing and breaking away from that leads him into making a community of diverse individuals to help him with his role as an important figure for the future of the world on a whole.

Fiona Ra is Szar's older sister who was quite literally bound to the body and whims of a man via a curse placed by their older brother. She was released once the old patriarchal system was destroyed and is now trying to live life and use her divinity to help others while recovering from her trauma.

Jay and Anthony Benu are a married gay couple. Jay is from Libya and Anthony is from a secret society deep within West Africa. The creatures they are are based off of are from various African mythology but would be recognized, I hope, by my future readers from certain pop media of the 2000s where these creatures were white washed and Asian coated. The creatures they are heavily impact their outlook on life as Jay is more protective and pessimistic and Anthony is a symbol of life, prosperity and safety and is very optimistic. They serve as a hidden Easter egg to educate others on the origins and true nature of the creatures they are.

Bora is an intersex demi god who's upbringing led them to isolate themselves from society. In my second book they are forced to face the fact that they are one of the few gods on earth allowed to actually do anything for the people who have and still are suffering from the African Slave Trade and African Diaspora. The second book is very heavy on humanity suffering the consequences of their actions via divine intervention and having to come to terms with what they do and a need to change.

Xana is a North African bouda, a hyena shifter of African folklore and mythology, sometimes called a werehyena. Her story is part of the second book as well. Hyenas are a very female led and dominate species so her character and her people are used to show the determination and strength of Black women and just how much women do for society. Her people are one of the few matriarchal societies throughout the series.

I do hope people give my story the chance when it's first book is released in April. As a mixed race person who has suffered from all ends of my spectrum it serves to show just how connected we all are and to remind people of the humanity that exists within all of us. "There is nothing in this world that humanity hasn't done to another human." That is a quote that has stayed with me throughout my life as it is repeated quite a lot by my mother whenever injustice happens. World history, TRUE world history proves that and shows why so many people seem afraid of another set of people. Fear drives people more than anything, but we should not need to fear each other because we all bleed red; we all live on the same earth; we all are capable of the same emotions and therefore capable of both love and hate. All my life I've chosen love and only suffer from those who don't.

[rainbow-sunshine-unicorn]

re your post abt Anthony loving like violet I was ALSO thinking about how he insists he has no place for love in his marriage but at the same time he's doing it out of love for his future children because he doesnt want them to be abandoned by whichever parent is in mourning when THEY are in morning. Like yes he doesnt wanna cause a wife that much pain but he also doesnt wanna parentify his future eldest and he doesnt want them to feel lost or have his glaring abandonment issues and like they have no one to go through and doesnt want them to feel bound to expectations and live a life without love of their own

YES! I definitely agree that not wanting his children to suffer was also a big part of the reason. I think it’s quite understandable why he would think that a wife who did not love him would be a much more functional parent in the aftermath of his death.

I also think that a part of it is that, he wanted his children to have a mother who would put her children above all else, even her spouse. Something, he feels like he didn’t get.

I mean, at the height of her grief, Violet says things like this to him, in addition to telling him that without Edmund, “there is no air”, implying that without him she finds no meaning in life, no reason to keep breathing.

While what Violet said was through a haze of grief and trauma, what Anthony heard, at a very vulnerable moment, was that his mother would rather die for her husband than live for her children. And it’s very hard to not take that sort of thing personally.

So you can see why he thinks that if his wife doesn’t love her husband, she’ll love her children more, the most.

I also think that his plan to “spend several stretches of time apart” from his wife and children comes into play here, because it was so his wife and children would not know him enough to love him and therefore mourn him.

It makes a perverse kind of sense from his perspective. He had a very present loving father and so when he was gone, he left behind a large gap in Anthony’s life. His own children would know him very little, so there would be no gap left behind because there was never any space for him in their lives, in the first place.

[dreamwritesimagines]

Garden of Secrets [31] - Chamomile

A.N: Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback and support my loves, it made my whole week, you’re amazing!❤ I hope you’ll like this chapter as well, and please don’t forget to tell me what you think, thank you! ❤

Thanks so much to @theskytraveler​ for helping me with the chapter!

Summary: A ballroom can be a place of reconciliation.

Warnings: Regency era society and social rules, some gender specific language and terms, mentions of trauma and violence.

Word Count: 4400

Series Masterlist

The following days after that night were interesting.

Granted things were still quite tense between you two, but perhaps because now you knew that neither of you wanted to walk away from this no matter how terrible that fight had been, there was also an unspoken agreement of peace. 

You passed by the hallway, fixing your gloves as you went downstairs and as soon as you reached the foyer, you saw Benedict entering the house.

“Husband,” you greeted him in a half joking manner as you walked past him, ignoring the way your heart skipped a beat.

“Wife,” he joked back, making you bite down on your smile but you stopped dead on your tracks as the thought hit you, and you turned around.

“Benedict wait,” you said, making him stop at the bottom of the stairs before he turned around as well to look at you.

“Yes?”

“We have the Coleshill ball tonight,” you said. “Don’t forget.”

“I haven’t,” he assured you. “At eight, I know. Are we going together?”

“I’ll be back before evening,” you said, shifting your weight. “So we can.”

He nodded and you cleared your throat, motioning at him.

“I mean if it’s fine with you, that is.”

“It’s fine—of course it’s fine,” he said quickly. “I just asked because you’re leaving, so…”

“To my uncle’s,” you replied and offered him a small smile. “Any luck with Lottie?”

“Not at all,” he said with a sigh. “And you?”

“I went there yesterday, she just sent a maid downstairs to tell me she was ill so she ‘couldn’t talk to me’,” you used air quotes and Benedict hummed.

“Same here,” he said. “Anthony says he saw her for a moment, she went to the drawing room to tell him she didn’t want to talk to him, and went straight back to her room.”  

“So she’s not speaking to any of us,” you clicked her tongue. “Great. I’ll talk to her during tonight’s ball, it’s fine.”

“You sound confident.”

“I try,” you murmured. “But if I get to talk to her, I’ll tell her the truth. Just so you know.”

“I doubt we have much of a choice on that, she already knows the general idea,” he commented and you shifted your weight.

“Sorry about that,” you said. “I really didn’t know she was there. I was arguing with Josie, and…”

“Not your fault,” he said, waving a hand in the air. “Don’t worry about it. And Josie?”

“She’ll come around,” you said. “By the way, if she knows then Bess knows as well. And probably Andrew.”

“Alright,” he said and cleared his throat. “I was thinking maybe I should talk to Josie.”

Your eyes widened. “What?” you asked. “Why on earth would you do that?”

“I think she’d want an explanation about this whole thing.”

“Josie isn’t the type to listen to explanations.”

“I’ll try anyway,” he said and thought for a moment. “I should probably try it with a body armor though.”

“She’s not going to stab you,” you said, and shook your head. “She’s not. She knows better.”

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”

“Both,” you muttered and took a deep breath. “Just—you know. It’ll be fine but be careful.”

“I will.”

“Also make sure there are witnesses around but it’ll be fine,” you added and he pulled his brows together.

“You are terrible at assuring people.”

“I’m working on it,” you admitted and clapped your hands together, offering him a smile. “It’ll be fine, hooray!”

He paused for a moment and blinked a couple of times, then nodded quite enthusiastically.

“Baby steps,” he said as if trying to encourage you. “We’ll get you there.”

You grimaced, making him chuckle and you both stared at each other for a moment, then you frowned, trying to snap out of it.

“Anyway, I’d better go.”

“Right,” Benedict said, shaking his head slightly. “See you when you come back.”  

“Sure thing,” you said and you walked out of the house, then approached the carriage as the coachman opened the door for you.

“Where to, ma’am?”

“My uncle’s house,” you said and got in the carriage. “Thank you.”

                                   *

When you got to your uncle’s house, there was no sign of Teddy or your aunt, and you looked around, then made your way to the closed door of your uncle’s study to knock on it.

“Come in!” he called out and you opened the door to peek your head in.

“Good morning uncle.”

“Oh my Clover is here!” he smiled and got up from his seat. You walked to him to hug him with a laugh.

“Were you busy?”

“Not at all, just going over…” he motioned at his desk. “Never mind. Your aunt and Teddy are outside at the park.”

“Oh that’s alright,” you said. “I was actually hoping I could talk to you?”

“Of course, sit down, sit down!” he said and called for the maid passing by the door, then asked her for some cookies and tea. You sat down on the sofa and he came to take his place on the armchair.

“To what do I owe this wonderful surprise?”

“I need your wisdom.”

“It’s at your service,” he joked as the maid walked in, carrying a tray.

“Thank you,” you said as she placed the cookies and tea on the small coffee table, then curtsied and left the room. You took a sip of your tea and leaned back.

“Any other letters?”

“None,” he said. “As I’ve told you.”

“That’s a relief at least.”

“You have nothing to worry about,” he assured you. “Now, what do you need my wisdom for?”

You looked down at the tea cup in your hand, then raised your glances.

“You and auntie have been married for a long time,” you started. “And auntie says you two fell in love after your first dance.”

“We did,” he said with a smile. “I thought I was dreaming when I first saw her.”

You licked your lips. “And you’re…you still love each other.”

“We do.”

“So you’ve never had a fight or anything right?”

He tilted his head. “Clover, what is this about?”

You took a deep breath, then cleared your throat.

“Hypothetically speaking,” you started. “Let’s say you and auntie had a fight and hypothetically it was a big fight and hypothetically you said things.”

“A lot of hypotheticals.”

“I woke up curious,” you replied and he chuckled.

“Is everything alright between you and Benedict?”

“Sure,” you said. “So? What would you do if that happened?”

He reached out to grab a cookie, then hummed.

“To answer your first question, we did have fights, me and your aunt,” he said and you frowned.

“You have the perfect marriage.”

“Perfect marriages don’t just happen, Clover,” he said. “Especially at the start of the said marriage. Yes we were in love, we still are but it doesn’t mean we didn’t have arguments. Every couple is bound to have them sooner or later.”

“Why did you have a fight?”

“Well, marriage is a huge change in one’s life. Takes a bit of time to get used to,” he said. “The important thing is to never forget how much you love the person you’re married to, no matter what you’re fighting over.”

You pressed your lips together and he gave you a small smile.

“How bad was the fight?”

“I uh—I said things,” you admitted and paused for a moment. “Not necessarily nice things.”

“Ah,” he said. “An apology could work, perhaps?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Did you try?”

“…No,” you said after a beat and sat up straighter. “I have another question.”

“Ask away dear.”

“How did you know?” you asked. “That you were in love with auntie?”

He thought for a couple of seconds, then shrugged his shoulders.

“I suppose I realized that no one else but her made me happier,” he said. “When I imagined my future, anything else was a detail as long as she was there. She was my first thought as I woke up and last thought as I went to sleep and I couldn’t…I couldn’t imagine a scenario where I didn’t have her in my life.”

You blinked a couple of times; the idea was way too familiar to you. You swallowed thickly, then let out a huff of breath and buried your palms into your eyes.

“He loves you,” he said, making you lower your hands. “Anyone could see that. A fight won’t change things as long as you two talk about what happened.”

“That’s not my strongest suit,” you murmured and he chuckled.

“No harm in trying.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“Perhaps because it is easy?” he asked. “If you’re wondering the key to a good marriage, it’s knowing when to listen and when to apologize.”

You slipped a little on the sofa and hummed.

“What if I try to apologize and he doesn’t want to hear it?”

“No offense Clover but out of the two of you, I’d say it’s you who doesn’t want to hear apologies and not him.”

You pouted your lips.

“That’s not…” you started to protest, then let out a noise of agreement and shrugged your shoulders. “Yeah, you might be right about that.”

                                  *

Coleshill Ball was an absolute blast. Lord Easton had apparently decided to attend along with Lucy and Henry, and he was instantly surrounded by many people trying to talk to him. He had only had a couple of seconds to greet you and Benedict before his many admirers started talking over each other, eager to have a conversation with him. The orchestra was very talented as well, so everyone seemed to be having fun, dancing and socializing.

Everyone except you, Benedict and Anthony. The three of you found yourselves huddled in the corner of the room while Lottie adamantly ignored you, busy with her conversation with Lord Finney after their dance. Lord Finney hadn’t stopped eyeing Lottie with a small smirk you didn’t like since the end of their dance, and you could swear if you tried to pass by Anthony’s eyesight, you would have dropped dead from a thousand invisible daggers he was glaring at Lord Finney whereas Benedict looked nearly impatient, biting inside his cheek.

“Can I stab him?” you asked to no one in particular and both Benedict and Anthony answered at the same time.

“No.”

“Yes.”

You looked up at Benedict. “The head of the family said yes.”

“Now you want to listen to someone?” he asked you. “Not to mention him of all people? You don’t even like him.”

“I’m standing right here Ben.”

“She doesn’t like you Anthony,” Benedict deadpanned without so much as sparing him a glance and you made a face.

“I have no idea what you speak of,” you mused. “I’ve been nothing but nice to Anthony.”

Anthony leaned forward to look at you around Benedict’s arm, a look of disbelief etched in his features. “This is you being nice?”

“You’re standing here alive and well, so yes.”

Benedict suppressed a laugh, and you took a deep breath, pursing your lips.

“You know what, that’s enough,” you said. “The next dance will not start for a half an hour, I’ll go there and talk to her.”

“And Finney?”

“I’ll threaten him,” you said and Benedict nodded.

“Want me to come with you?”

“I can intimidate people by myself Benedict, have some faith,” you told him and walked away from them to approach Lottie and Lord Finney.

“Lottie,” you said as you reached them. “Good evening.”

She stole a look at you, pouting. “Good evening to you too Mrs. Bridgerton.”

“…Fair enough,” you muttered and nodded in Finney’s direction. “Leave us.”

“Mrs. Bridgerton—”

You turned to him, your eyes narrowing into a cold glare as your voice lowered into a growl.

“I said leave.”

A look of intimidation crossed his eyes and he swallowed thickly, then took a step back and bowed his head before walking away from you both.

“That wasn’t very nice,” Lottie said and you shrugged your shoulders.

“I’m not interested in being nice,” you commented and gave her a small smile. “Can we talk Lottie? Please?”

Her brows furrowed for a moment, that pout still apparent on her lips.

“Five minutes is all I ask,” you said. “I’d like to explain myself if you’d let me.”

She thought for a moment, then heaved a sigh.

“Fine.”

“Great,” you said, a smile lighting up your face, “Let’s go outside.”

She followed you out of the ballroom and you both stepped outside to the garden. Thankfully there weren’t people around which was no wonder considering how fun the ball was inside, so you approached the nearest bench and sat down, Lottie taking her spot next to you.

“So?” she asked. “If you’re going to tell me any more lies—”

“I’m not,” you cut her off and shook your head. “I’m not going to lie to you, and I’m sorry that I did. I really am.”

That seemed to take her by surprise and she frowned slightly.

“And I know you heard my and Josie’s argument but I don’t think of you gullible or anything, it was just something I said because I was frustrated with Josie and the whole thing. I hope you know that.”

She nodded and thought for a moment.

“Tell me everything,” she said. “From the very beginning.”

So you did. If anything, it was such a relief that you felt like a weight was lifted off your shoulders, and when you were finished a silence fell upon you both before Lottie let out a breath.

“Wow.”

“Yeah,” you said. “Exactly. You know what the ton thinks of me, they say Benedict married me because I trapped him or lured him away from you, or I planned it—”

“That’s not true.”

“And if they thought a scandal happened, you know what they would say about me,” you said. “So we told no one. The only reason we told Anthony was because he—he needed to know, considering everything. As I said, even my family doesn’t know.”

“Did you not trust me?”

“That’s not the reason,” you shook your head. “Lottie, you were so happy for us. I just couldn’t…I couldn’t bring myself to disappoint you and I’m sure Benedict feels the same.”

“You could never disappoint me,” she said. “I was just—I was sad.”

“I know.”

She nibbled on her lip and took a deep breath.

“Well,” she said. “At least it’s a relief that it wasn’t all a lie.”

“What?”

“Benedict and you have a love marriage.”

You raised your brows. “Uh, Lottie—”

“You two got married because you were caught kissing.”

“That’s lust Lottie, not love,” you said in a haste and she rolled her eyes at you.

“You honestly can’t see how he looks at you?” she asked. “Or how you look at him?”

Your heart skipped a beat and you sat up straighter. “Well because we had to pretend to be in love—”

“No one is that good of a pretender,” she said. “Not even you. And I’ve known Benedict for a long time, so I’d be able to tell if he were in fact pretending. It’s alright if you can’t see it yet, but I will be here to say I told you so when you finally realize that it is in fact a love marriage.”

You tried to swallow the nervous lump in your throat and averted your glances.

“Benedict and I are…” you trailed off. “We’re bound.”

“By marriage?”

“By fate.”

“By your hearts as well,” she pointed out and smiled at you, then pulled you into a hug. You hugged her back, and heaved a sigh when she pulled back.

“I’d better go, otherwise my next dance partner will assume I’m avoiding him,” she sighed and stood up. “Are you coming?”

“I think I’ll get some fresh air, it helps me think,” you said. “But I could also intimidate your next dance partner if you’d like.”

“I don’t wish to be rude,” she told you with a giggle and you saw Anthony stepping out of the house, making you tilt your head. Lottie turned around as he made his way to you.

“Charlotte, can we—?”

“No because I’m still angry at you,” Lottie said. “And I’m angry at Benny too, make sure to tell him that please.”

You pressed your lips together to contain your laughter at Anthony’s puzzled expression, but before he could say anything, Lottie stuck her nose in the air and walked past him to go back into the house. Anthony threw his head back and heaved a sigh while you leaned back, resting your elbows on the back of the bench.

“She forgave you?” he asked and you nodded.

��Yeah.”

“And she refuses to talk to me.”

“I have a more charming personality than you do.”

“Not really,” he said. “I mean just because your marriage is turbulent, doesn’t mean you should go around making others’ the same as well.”

You pulled your brows together in confusion. “You’re not married, in case it has escaped your notice.”

“I could’ve been,” he pointed out, “if I could get some spare time from the string of scandals you all throw at me. First you and Benedict, then Daphne and Simon, and now Colin wants to marry Miss Marina.”

“Wait really?” you asked. “It feels like yesterday he was getting all nervous to even talk to her. They grow up so fast.”

“Colin is older than you, Y/N.”

“That’s irrelevant,” you said and he came to sit beside you.

“So yeah, if everyone could stop for a moment to let me at least court Charlotte without getting in the way, it would be much appreciated.”

You smiled slightly and shrugged your shoulders.

“Patience is a virtue they say,” you said. “Perhaps waiting patiently will teach you a valuable lesson in the meantime.”

He scoffed. “Have you ever waited patiently for anything?”

“I’ve been waiting patiently for this conversation to end ever since you opened your mouth,” you retorted and rolled your eyes. “But if anything, she wants to marry you too.”

He turned to you, hope shining in his eyes. “She said that?”

“She mentioned it, yes,” you said. “So until she decides to forgive you, send her flowers, proclaim your undying love on a bent knee, whatever it is that in love people do.”

He nodded slowly, then cleared his throat.

“Speaking of that,” he said. “Is everything okay between Benedict and you?”

“Your guess is as good as mine,” you said and stole a glance at him. “What did he tell you?”

“He mentioned that you two had an argument but judging by the tortured look on his face for the last weeks up until a couple of days ago, I’d say it’s something more than a simple argument.”

You bit on your nail, keeping your gaze on the house.

“I’m not very pleasant when I’m angry,” you said and he raised his brows.

“If it makes you feel any better, you’re not very pleasant when you’re not angry either,” he stated and you turned your head to make a face at him.

“I would say I’m more pleasant than you but let’s be honest, it’s not like you’re setting a high standard there” you told him, making his lips twitch in amusement.

“Fair enough,” he said. “But just so you know; whatever it is that is bothering you, whatever happened between you and Benedict, if my help is needed in any way it’s at your service.”

You blinked a couple of times, furrowing your brows.

“…Why?”

“Because you’re family.”

A tentative smile curled your lips and your eyes darted over his face to get a hint of insincerity, but it wasn’t there.

“Thank you,” you mumbled after a pause and he shook his head.

“Don’t mention it,” he said and you saw Benedict stepping outside. Anthony turned to look at him, then stood up.

“I’ll try my chances to talk to Charlotte,” he said and walked away from you, passing by Benedict to get in the house. Benedict put his hands in his pockets and approached you.

“Hello there.”

“Hello,” you said and stuck your nose in the air in an exaggerated smug manner. “Lottie forgave me.”

He tilted his head. “Really?”

“Yes but she’s still angry at you and Anthony,” you said and he hummed.

“That explains why she glared at me when she got back in the ballroom just now.”

You grinned. “I’ll put in a good word for you.”

“I appreciate that,” he said with a chuckle and motioned at the bench. “Do you mind?”

“Not at all,” you said and he sat beside you, making you bite down on your lip, stealing a look at him.

“Ben?”

“Hm?”

“I’m…” you paused for a moment, your heart climbing up to your throat in nervousness, making you take a shaky breath. “I’m sorry.”

A look of surprise crossed his face and you sat up straighter, turning to see him better.

“I don’t…I don’t really pay attention to the words I say when I’m angry, which is no excuse but—I’m working on it,” you said, nodding as if trying to encourage yourself. “And I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean any of that.”

A soft light appeared in his eyes and he nodded.

“Your apology is heard and accepted,” he quoted you, making you frown in doubt.

“That easily?”

“Mm hm,” he said. “That easily.”

“I would’ve made me suffer more.”

“Good thing we’re complete opposites then,” he said and you bit back a smile.

“Good thing for me at the very least,” you commented as the beginning notes of the orchestra’s dance tune reached your ears. Benedict stole a look at you.

“Do you want to dance?”

“I don’t feel like going back inside,” you said with a shrug of your shoulders. “Too crowded.”

“Who said we needed to go back inside?” he asked as he stood up to offer his hand. A scoff of laughter escaped from your mouth, and your eyes went from his hand up to his face to see whether he was jesting or not. That playful lopsided grin curled his lips as you placed your hand in his, and he pulled you up to your feet.

“You’re not serious.”

“Oh I absolutely am,” he said as he entwined his fingers with yours and you let him twirl you before he pulled you closer, a giggle climbing up your throat despite you trying to repress it.

You two were standing much closer than this dance -or any dance- required, but you couldn’t find it in you to care. You rested a hand on his broad chest, feeling the thrumming of his heart underneath your fingertips and he sneaked an arm around your waist, burying his nose into your hair while you two swayed slowly with the tune.

“I missed this,” Benedict murmured into your hair and you closed your eyes for a moment, inhaling his pleasant scent as discreetly as you could, all your senses full of him.

“Dancing?”

“Holding you,” he said softly and you smiled, opening your eyes but not pulling back.

“It’s peaceful,” you whispered and he hummed, caressing the back of your hand with his thumb, the simple gesture making your stomach do a happy flip.

“It is.”

“I missed it too,” you admitted, your voice quiet. “It’s been—”

“Hey lovebirds!” Henry’s voice cut through you and you pulled back, both you and Benedict turning to look at him. Lucy elbowed Henry.

“I told you not to interrupt!”

“They can continue that later on,” Henry said as you felt your cheeks burn, shifting your weight before you managed to smile at them.

“Hello.”

“We have a party to catch, come on,” Henry held up an envelope. “Apparently Jane felt like throwing a celebration for the sake of it all of a sudden, Thomas just sent word. You’re both invited as well.”

“Everyone is already there,” Lucy added and Henry grinned.

“Gordon is coming as well—we’ll go get the carriage,” he said and they both walked away from you. Benedict heaved a sigh.

“I don’t think—” you paused for a moment. “I think I’ll skip this one but you should go.”

“Oh no, I don’t have to be there,” he said in a haste and you smiled slightly.

“Benedict,” you said. “Go have fun, it’s been a while. I would’ve come with if it were any other time, but I think I should try to make things better between Lottie and Anthony—don’t tell him I said that.”

He pulled his brows together. “Sorry, you’ll try to make things better between them?”

“Yes.”

“Who are you and what did you do to my wife?”

Your heart skipped a beat at that but you bit back a smile, then heaved a sigh.

“What can I say? I’m very compassionate.”

He shot you a playful look before pointing at the house with his thumb. “Was there something in the lemonade?”

“I feel responsible,” you said. “And I don’t know, he’s—he’s family, so I should just at least try to patch things between them. Put in a good word and such.”

That made him smile before he cleared his throat.

“I don’t have to go, it’s just some party,” he insisted. “I’ll help you.”

“Lottie isn’t talking to you either, I doubt you’d be much of a help,” you reminded him and let out a laugh. “Go. I swear this is not me setting you up for…for a fight in the morning. I’ll make things better between those two and then go home. I doubt I’ll be able to talk to you when we go into that ballroom anyway, no reason for you to come with.”

He thought for a moment. “Are you sure?”

“Absolutely,” you said. “Go have fun. I’ll come with you to the other one, I promise.”

He looked at you as if trying to read your mind and took a deep breath.

“Okay,” he said. “I’ll be home early, okay? Definitely before you go to sleep.”

“Alright,” you said. “Well I have a very stubborn friend to convince, so if you’ll excuse me...”

He smiled softly, then held your hand to place a kiss on the back of it, making your heartbeat faster.

“I’ll see you in a couple of hours then.”

“Deal,” you said, your cheeks still burning. “Have fun, give everyone my regards.”

“Good luck with those two,” he said, nodding in the direction of the house before walking away from you and you heaved a sigh, then licked your lips.

“Alright,” you muttered, painfully aware of the smile on your face as you made your way to the house. “This should be interesting.”

Chapter 32

[aziraphales-library]

Hi! Blogs like yours truly are such a blessing, every fandom should have one of these. It's so difficult to navigate large fandoms without them. I'd like to ask if you (or your followers) know of any human AU fics that make the implicit themes of religious trauma in the show explicit, where Aziraphale is in a cult or something the like? I've had a look at your crisis of faith tag and found a few, but I'm looking for more :) Thank you for your hard work!

Hello. Here are some human AUs involving cults and religious trauma for you...

Don't Ask by wyrmy (G)

Aziraphale's family always wanted him to keep secrets: secrets about their own controlling religious fanaticism. it's a hard habit to break.

Memory Lane Is Paved With Thorns by retiredseraph (T)

Aziraphale looked around. He was standing in the courtyard of his old church, which had a few trees but was mostly paved with pebble-laden concrete, which was all slightly blinding in the sunlight. People from the congregation moved around him as if it was an average Sunday after the morning sermon, going in and out of buildings, forming little groups, heading to cars, children running around. The usual. But Aziraphale didn’t feel like he had when this was the average weekly occurrence; cheerful and looking forward to changing into more comfortable clothing. Instead, it felt more like a sickly sweet poison was smothering him.

how to pay for my own life too by MostWeakHamlets (T)

"Growing up, Aziraphale knew long skirts and waist-length hair in braids." Aziraphale is raised in a religious cult that promises its members will all become angels when the rapture comes. He learns all the things a girl should know, but problems quickly begin to form when he attends school on the Outside. He starts doubting that girls his age are actually supposed to know how to deliver babies, mend clothes, and cook dinner for their 10 siblings as he's always been told. And he highly suspects that he's never been a girl in the first place.

The Drowning Men by karuvapatta (E)

Crowley was done with religion years before he met Father Aziraphale.

One and the Same Fall by ElliottRook (E)

Aziraphale Fell is a UK student attending an American Catholic school on exchange, an escape from a strict, conservative family. Anthony Crowley is a juvenile delinquent on his last chance, sent to live with his uncle and attend a school that promises to shape him up. When they cross paths at St. Bernadette's, they nearly instantly become friends, and nobody likes it--not the teachers, not the old-money students, not Aziraphale's family--but it's the best thing that's ever happened to either of them. Hanging over their heads, though, is Crowley's plan to flee the moment he comes of age, and what will happen after they're no longer trapped in the same gilded cage.

Millennial Blues by comicgeekery (E)

Aziraphale is a standard retail bookseller trying to make ends meet. One day a man named Crowley shows up with a flyer for a variety show looking for new acts. And, well, Crowley is handsome and Aziraphale has been lonely...and working on some magic tricks. What harm could a bit of light flirting do? It all should be fine as long as no one asks about his past...

- Mod D

[nose-nippin-fun]

Hazbin Hotel Episode 4 Discussion:

I’ve seen a lot of nasty posts floating around today criticizing Vivzie and the show. I’m not here to discredit your feelings, but I think that the darker tone of episode 4 merits some constructive discussion beyond a knee-jerk, pearl-clutching reaction.

From what I’ve seen, the biggest complaint from viewers, myself included, is that this emotional episode with some fairly intense depictions of SA/r*pe was not prefaced with a content warning aside from the usual small text in the top left corner. I truly do believe Amazon should correct this going forward so that viewers can feel better prepared for tone shifts between episodes. That being said, here are my defenses of the show.

Hazbin Hotel has had a huge fan following since the pilot release back in 2019, which set the tone of the show. Between the pilot and Addict music video, people had a pretty clear indication of the adult themes that would be present in the project moving forward. The show is set in Hell, the place where the world’s worst sinners are trapped in the afterlife. This is not an excuse, this is an explanation. There are going to be several characters with tainted morality, some of whom are irredeemable. That’s why they’re in Hell. This show is not meant to glorify sins, but to shine a light on flawed, relatable characters who will grapple with ethics and other struggles and come out changed in the end.

“I can’t believe Angel doesn’t leave his situation and stays stagnant.” Have you ever lived through/witnessed abuse? It is never this easy to sever ties with an abuser. They position themselves in power to control and manipulate, and many times, it’s not physically safe to get away from them. Also, this has been ONE EPISODE, you cannot expect a character with deep trauma to be totally different after a 20-30 minute episode. Angel’s character arc will take time, but his interaction with Husk at the end is an important first step in that direction.

“So Angel is supposed to just get over his trauma because he and Husk sang a song about it?” No. If that was your takeaway, I’m truly sorry you missed the point. Husk is the only person who’s been raw and blunt with Angel (on screen) about dropping the Angel Dust persona and being Anthony. Angel is used to having to put on a flawless, sexy act at all times, so much so that that’s how people really believe he is at all times. Husk sees through this mask Angel developed to protect himself and tell him through their song that imperfect and broken as he feels, Angel isn’t alone in struggling with feelings of powerlessness and addiction. He’s not comparing his loss of overlord status to Angel’s horrible SA, he’s finding common ground and empathizing (the best way a Hellbound soul can). This song wasn’t a solution, it was a gateway to vulnerability and the beginning of change for both characters.

“We’re expected to just ship Huskerdust after Angel has done nothing but sexually harass and push Husk’s boundaries?” No. That’s absolutely the wrong reason to ship anything. While it’s true that in the first three episodes, Angel sees Husk as eye candy who might be able to distract him from his suffering, episode 4 brings a necessary shift in their dynamic. Angel is used to everyone around him wanting Angel Dust, the pornstar. But for the first time, someone doesn’t want that coveted persona, and he can’t comprehend this. Angel has no control over anything except the act he keeps up, so he clings to it as a false sense of power. It’s only after Husk tells him that he likes Angel for everything he is off camera that Angel starts to treat Husk with respect, which will pave the way for any future Huskerdust shipping.

You don’t have to agree with what I’ve written, and I absolutely don’t blame you if you’ve realized this show is not content you can comfortably consume, but please understand that depicting difficult material is not the same as glorifying or excusing it. This episode was hard for me too, because I care about Angel Dust, and I am so eager to watch his growth as the show continues. My heart goes out to anyone struggling from triggering this episode caused. I hope you’re able to safely navigate away from this show while respecting the viewers who continue to watch.

[chrysalis-the-butterfly]

angel dust :3

Send me a character and I’ll list:

Favourite thing about them: "Thing", singular? I can't put just one thing! There are too many things! The humour in his dialogue. The songs he sings. The fact that he's both an ex-mafia member and a femme gay man. The fact that he's got a twin sister in Heaven. The changes we see in his character over the course of Season 1. The bond he forms with Husk. The dynamic he has with Charlie (and the others in the hotel). The angst of his relationship with Valentino. The voice. The hair. The eyes. The arms. The chest fluff. The outfits. The dance moves. I just love him so much.

Least favourite thing about them: Well, the way he acted towards Husk initially was, let's face it, sexual harassment. Just because it was a response to trauma doesn't make it okay. I appreciate that Angel doesn't bother Husk like that after "Masquerade" - he still makes sex jokes, but now they're less about targeting people and making them feel uncomfortable - but I still think it would have been good for Angel to explicitly acknowledge that his behaviour wasn't acceptable and apologise to Husk.

Favourite line: (porn voice) "I've been a bad boy, and I need a big strong daddy to put me in my place..." (regular voice) "...on the path to redemption!"

brOTP: I like the friendship he develops with Charlie. The prequel comic "Dirty Healings" shows that she sees potential in him that he doesn't see at first. He initially only joins the hotel for the free rent and to get away from Valentino, but then he comes to genuinely care about Charlie, as she does for him. That's nice to see.

Also, Angel and Emily haven't interacted yet, but I think they would have a cute friendship if they did!

OTP: Huskerdust! I've seen so much cute fanart and read so many hurt/comfort fics of the two together that I can't help but love this ship. I enjoy thinking about them being together and how they could change each other for the better. Having Husk around to take care of Angel would definitely be good for him.

But Angel's trauma isn't going to go away overnight, so that'll be a lot to deal with. And Husk is also pretty judgemental, so if Angel ever has a relapse and Husk treats him too harshly for it, that could put a rift between them. Angst potential!

Everyone talks about how Husk is changing Angel, helping him to be more honest, but I do think Angel is changing Husk too. Husk certainly seems to drink less after "Masquerade". And if Husk was somehow able to help Angel out of his contract, that would be redemption for his own participation in the cruel Overlord system.

Angel and Husk are not perfect people, but they could be perfect for each other.

nOTP: Any ship that involves pairing Angel with a woman. He's gay. He wouldn't be interested.

As for Valangel ... look, I am interested in exploring the backstory - I want to find out how Angel met Valentino and what led to him signing his soul away. But I definitely do not want Angel to stay with that moth. That pairing is way too toxic.

Random headcanon: Both Anthony and Molly had albinism when they were alive, and that's why they're so pale in the afterlife. Anthony also had a visual impairment, so his demon form overcompensated by giving him extra eyes.

Unpopular opinion: Some fans love seeing Angel with all six arms out and six guns blazing, but I'm not so keen on it. That's a personal thing, really - I just don't like guns and don't think they have any reason to exist. All they do is kill people, and killing people is wrong. If Angel's got all six arms out, he should be using them to give Husk a back massage instead.

Song I associate with them: Besides "Poison"? Then "All You Wanna Do" from SIX: The Musical. They're both super-catchy pop songs about the dark topic of sexual abuse sung by characters associated with the colour pink. I watched the Hazbin Hotel pilot for the first time on the same weekend I went to see SIX: The Musical, so that's a neat coincidence!

Favourite picture of them:

[hexcoreviktor]

✨ GOMENS FIC RECS ✨

i asked for people's favorite fics and sharing is caring :)

(i included my own recs as well)

feel free to reblog and add more!

❤️ recommended by @oldzhishen ❤️

Crown of Thorns series by irisbleufic (rating G-E)

This series was never intended to be a series as such: I wrote "A Better Place" in the wake of rather accidentally getting to ask a certain question (What are Aziraphale and Crowley doing on the South Downs, anyway?) of both authors within a week of each other back in 2005 and actually getting an answer (Sharing a cottage), thinking it'd just be a happy little one-off. But something curious happened when my Good Omens Exchange 2010 assignment resulted in "The Walls, the Wainscot, and the Mouse." From that point onward, interest in this little 'verse slowly, but steadily picked up momentum, and I kept finding more stories to tell. Some of the characters that appear herein (Phillippa [Pippa] Morrison, the Mouse, Amanda [Mandy] Tomlin, Uriel, Raphael, et al.) first turned up in my one and only attempt at a second-Apocalypse dark mirror universe, A Crown of Stars (AO3 posting of same) and its follow-ups, which predates this series considerably. The two universes parallel each other, but this one is, for our purposes, post novel-canon and set in our reality. That's pretty much what you need to know. Thank you all for continuing to read and also for giving this project life. I'll continue to add stories and ficlets until I run out of ideas or until my heart stops (whichever comes first)! The current existing pieces are complete; the series overall is ongoing on an as-and-when basis, which means that the time between additions may be weeks or months or, in rare instances, up to a year.

Madman and a Fool by loserchildhotpants (rating E)

God considers Crowley's unyielding pining for Aziraphale, his acts during the End of the World, and his very genuine desire to protect Aziraphale, worth rewarding. She can't make him an Angel again, but She can nudge Aziraphale in the right direction. If nothing else, She'd really just like Crowley to stop using Her prayer inbox for endless soliloquies about Aziraphale.

Demonology and the Tri-Phasic Model of Trauma: An Integrative Approach by Nnm (rating T)

As soon as Aubrey Thyme, psychotherapist, had opened her office door and seen her new client, Anthony J. Crowley, sitting in her waiting area, she was observing and assessing him. At first glance, she paid attention to the following: --His clothing was expensive and stylish; --He wore very strange but noticeable cologne; --His relationship to the seat he occupied could only, very loosely, be described as “sitting;” --He looked angry; --He was wearing sunglasses. What Aubrey Thyme, a professional, thought, upon first seeing her new client was: you’re going to be a fun one, aren’t you?

A Home at the Beginning of the World by stereobone (rating E)

"Oh," Aziraphale says. "I think Crowley might have moved in with me."

For the Angel Who Has Everything by triedunture (rating E)

Crowley likes giving Aziraphale things. Whatever he wants, actually. Which, happily, includes Crowley himself, as it turns out.

I'm the treasure baby, I'm the prize by stereobone (rating E)

"Are you working for Mrs. Sandwich?" Nina asks. "No," Crowley says. "Well, yes. Well, define 'working'." -- Or, Crowley is very good at faking sex work, as it turns out.

🧡 recommended by @reloha 🧡

let me feel your heartbeat (grow faster, faster) by thehoyden (rating T)

Aziraphale saw him sometimes in all-staff meetings, sitting toward the front but off to the side, lounging against a wall. Even then, he’d had style—wings tipped in gold and face painted with gold flakes in the pattern of the first constellation he designed. He was amazing, and eye-catching, and it was no exaggeration to say that he did not know Aziraphale even existed.

You'll Find Something Waiting (Right There Where You Left It) by PrimalBeatsOurHearts (rating T)

"Lets go in the Garden, "You'll find something waiting" "Right there where you left it" "Lying upside down" ------------ Or What if Crowley was Erased from The Book Of Life?

Moving Forward While Standing Still by Justanothernerdsstuff (rating G)

“Uh, yeah, sure! Thanks,” They replied and walked away, not sure why this specific book was so important to the angry man, but they were £50 richer, so they didn’t really care. Crowley flipped through the book, stalling making the decision to go into the bookshop to confront Muriel. He turned to walk away, stopped, groaned, and stalked his way into the bookshop. *** Crowley finds himself at Give Me Coffee Or Give Me Death a month after Aziraphale left to run Heaven, and ends up back at the bookshop, something he never planned to do again.

7 minutes in heaven by waddlesthejoghog (rating T)

"If Crowley and Aziraphale couldn’t figure it out, Muriel would have to take a different approach. It wasn’t enough to put them in the same location. They had to plant some seeds of conversation. They had to come to a conclusion naturally, but with a push." OR Muriel reads every book in the shop, then comes up with a plan to get Aziraphale and Crowley back together.

In the Pocket of the Universe by indieninja92 (rating E)

Immediately after the church scene (and The Slow Zoom of Homosexual Panic), Aziraphale takes Crowley out for dinner in the only place still open in the middle of an air raid. Feelings closely follow.

How to Run a Bookshop by IneffableDoll (rating T)

Muriel has been running Aziraphale’s bookshop ever since his promotion Upward. Mr. Crowley seems intent on sticking around, and Muriel has no idea what to do about that. Then, Muriel stumbles upon a collection of sketchbooks full of a familiar redhead. Did…Aziraphale draw these? Has Mr. Crowley seen them? * (“No. No. Put that back.” “Oh, but isn’t it cute? A little cup with wings! I don’t suppose it can fly like those birds can? I don’t see what a cup needs wings for, really.” “You can’t use that.” “Of course not! These wings are too small for me, and I have my own if I want to get around.” “Wh – okay, first off, you can’t go flying about London. You’ll freak people out, cause a bunch of chaos – actually, you know what, do what you like. Heaven if I care. But don’t touch that mug.” “Is it dangerous?” “…No. But it’s not yours. And it’s not polite to use something that’s not yours. Not very angelic of you.” “Oh! Of course. I knew that.”)

💛 recommended by @cheeekycharchar 💛

Together We're Golden series by Guardian_Rose (rating G-T)

Crowley & Aziraphale move to a small town, into their own little cottage but it's not without its difficulties.

True Disaster by NuriaSchnee (rating E)

After Crowley saves him in 1941, Aziraphale realises he's fallen in love with the demon. Scared this dangerous feeling of his will cause problems to his friend, he tries to break their relationship. However, his plan to push the demon away fails and they end up admitting their feelings to each other. To be able to be together and keep it a secret, Crowley stops time every time they meet. However brilliant this seems at first, it doesn't take long to backfire, opening new wounds and raising more barriers between them.

Nanny Knows Best by DictionaryWrites (rating M)

Being a nanny, that should be simple. Simple. Easy as pie. Crowley wished that were true.

💚 recommended by yours truly 💚

Strange Moons series by racketghost (rating G-E)

“At least they were together for a time,” Crowley says, staring at the lit end of his cigarette, “maybe that’s enough.”

tales from a bookshop by Rizandace (rating T)

Post-season-two. Crowley's moping, Aziraphale wants to fix things, and turns out, there's enough blame to go around. ----- "You're being ridiculous." Crowley very nearly falls over. Like, actually. He very nearly loses balance for no reason at all and tumbles to the sidewalk next to his car. He’s been playing Aziraphale’s voice in his head for weeks, he’s been trying very hard to drown out the sound of it, in fact, and now suddenly, abruptly— “What are you doing here,” is all he can think to say. He whirls around, and there he is. on Crowley’s right, standing there like he’d never left. Where he belongs, Crowley’s mind helpfully supplies. He wishes he could punch himself in the brain, knock the thoughts right on out of there.

Meanwhile the World Goes On by lineslines (rating G)

Crowley looked at him. He was still wearing his suit, there was tartan in it, but it had become polished, the worn edges returned to pristine, boring perfection. He looked prim. Proper. Perhaps this hurt most of all. (Crowley is on earth, Aziraphale is not. Meanwhile the world goes on. Plans, great and possibly ineffable, are set into motion. They are--always, inevitably--drawn back together. Long before reconciliation, long before they can bear it. The only thing they can bear less is staying apart. Oh, and Heaven seems to have misplaced Jesus.)

So You Need To Get Into A.Z. Fell & Co.; Now What? (A Guide For Unfortunate Bookworms) by c4llistrad (rating G)

London’s antique enthusiasts and rare lit nerds alike know that if you’re looking for a specific vintage or antique book, you have a good chance of ending up in A.Z. Fell & Co. as a last resort. And if you’ve ever been in (or are currently in) this predicament, you know how much of an absolute nightmare it is trying to even get in the door. Luckily, this handy guide, the fruit of a months-long collaborative effort to create the perfect formula for gaming the A.Z. Fell system, will tell you everything you need to know, complete with a comprehensive breakdown of what, exactly, the opening hours are. Compiled by pageknight and inky of the Rare Antique Forums.

Like Icarus Before Me by Arokel (rating T)

If Aziraphale were a Good person, a virtuous person, he wouldn’t have taken Crowley’s hand at all. Aziraphale muses on the nature of Goodness, and finally shares those musings with Crowley.

It's Something Like a Corkscrew by Arokel (rating G)

“How do you live with this… this inevitability? This knowledge of what’s to come?”

So let us melt by Arokel (rating G)

Of the two of them, Crowley thinks Aziraphale has held on to more of his faculties than Crowley has, but then again, he is putting off angelic heat like a particularly virtuous furnace.

So Much to be Consoled as to Console by Arokel (rating T)

“What are you,” Crowley drawled, “the patron saint of queer kids?” A series of lost souls over the centuries who prayed, whether they knew it or not, to the Angel Aziraphale.

Factory Settings by Anonymous (rating T)

Crowley gets reinstated as an angel.

such surpassing brightness by bibliocratic (rating G)

The revelation that Aziraphale might have been in love with him for thousands of years is surprising. The fact that literal books have been written on the subject comes as even more of a shock.

knowing this will I reach for you by Aria (rating E)

It wasn't as though his interest in Aziraphale was entirely appropriate. Of course it wasn't bloody appropriate. He was consorting with the Enemy, nothing about it was appropriate.

The Sandford Flower Show by Mussimm (rating E)

Crowley had waited six thousand years, kept it all in check. But this was the slipperiest slope he’d ever set foot on and as soon as he’d indulged in a few discretionary acts of kindness he was falling face first into pining, tumbling into flirting, about to dislocate his knees on the sharp rocks of intimacy. Was this really it? What he had waited six thousand years for? A stupid flower show? Aziraphale wasn’t pulling away from him. Maybe… maybe this time he wouldn’t? Maybe they’d hold hands again. Maybe tonight with a bottle of merlot in them he’d finally work up the courage and just kiss him and he wouldn’t pull away. The very moment he’d thought it he spotted the problem at the flower show.

you knew my name on sight by brinnanza (rating G)

“This wasn’t me, you know,” Crowley says, the words out of his mouth before he’s made the conscious choice to utter them. “Not just the library, but the whole civil war. You know me; I’ve mostly been getting drunk at Bacchanals.” “I know,” says Aziraphale.

The Longest Night series by charlottemadison (rating T-E)

The night the Apocalypse doesn't happen, an angel and a demon share a bus bench on the way home to face their fates. This is the story of their evening spun out line by line, all the little moments that carried them through the night they knew might be their last.

Witness the Fall by Waifine (rating G)

Crowley never talked about his time as an angel. Aziraphale never asked. But when Hell sends Crowley a package containing his most painful memories, it is Aziraphale who is plunged into the nightmare history of when his beloved friend, the angel who had once been Crowley, was hurled from the Heavens into the bowels of Hell.

An Angel who did not so much Fall In Love as Settle Into It Gradually by TheLadyZephyr (rating G)

Crowley was standing in the middle of the room, hands in his pockets, looking a little lost. Aziraphale eyed the distance between them. Five steps. Five steps, and six thousand years, and a battlefield spanning an eternity. The story of the little moments over the millennia that shape an angel’s regard for a demon, and the way he slowly, with great reluctance but inevitable surety, falls in love.

This Soul Outstreaming by Rend_Herring (rating E)

“Why did you come here?” Aziraphale interrupts. “Why do you keep doing this?” All the saving, he means, all the chasing after Aziraphale he does. It can’t only be that he’s not keen to endure a replacement. That can’t be it, not anymore. He’s going to get himself in trouble, and then it’ll be Aziraphale’s fault. Crowley’s mouth shuts with a click. He shifts uncomfortably in his seat, reaches for the handle of the fork and taps his fingertips against it before setting his hands in his lap. When he speaks, it’s very soft. “Don’t you know?” he asks. Aziraphale, unnaccustomed to his heart refusing to translate why it throbs with such haste, shakes his head.

a lighthouse (burning) by books-and-omens (rating M)

In good weather, one can see the lighthouse at the Rock from the shore: a dot on the horizon, a distant star flashing red and white and red again. It’s been dark for a fortnight, of course—ever since the incident that every newspaper had breathlessly written about, that the paper-boys on the corners had shouted themselves hoarse over. This is where Aziraphale is headed: it is his duty, after all, to find out what happened, to make sure that the beacon can be safely lit once again. He does not expect Crowley to follow him to the windswept isle, to the lonely lighthouse at what could just as well be the edge of the world. Crowley follows him anyway.

paint the skies by ToEdenandBackAgain (rating G)

“This was one of yours, wasn’t it?” Aziraphale remarks casually, and Crowley feels like the warmth of the room has been sucked into space. A cold, uneasy feeling begins to creep into his gut. One of yours thrown out so casually. One of yours said like he... like he knew “What.”

Good Endings by WyvernQuill (rating T)

A Narrative of Certain Events following the Ending of the World (Except Not Quite), as vaguely hinted at in The Slapdash and Not Very Helpful Prophetic Tidbit of Agnes Nutter, Witch (And Matchmaker.) "Their lives are in horrible, terrible danger that only we can save them from!" Anathema held up the Prophetic Tidbit. "It says so. Right here." Madame Tracy peered at the page. Raised a meaningful eyebrow. "Dearie, as a woman of, well, considerable experience, I really don't think that's what 'the lyttle Deathe' means in this context..." "Huh." Anathema squinted. Flipped the page. Read another bit. "....huh." (Or, alternatively: Eight - give or take - matchmakers trying really, really hard, honest; two clueless ethereal/occult beings mutually pining their endless days away; and one witch, who can't leave well enough alone when it comes to matters of the heart, no matter how many centuries ago she died.)

If We've Got Nothing (We've Got Us) by Kedreeva (rating G)

Two months after the failed apocalypse Aziraphale finds the first dark feather growing in his wings. A story about middle grounds, ineffable plans, and what happens when the world doesn't end.

lit in the darkness by ToEdenandBackAgain (rating M)

Aziraphale returns to Crowley's flat for the night after Armageddon. After all, it's hardly the first time they've shared sleeping arrangements. Or: Times throughout history Crowley and Aziraphale have shared a bed.

💙 recommended by @vonlipwig 💙

Petrichor & Parchment by MrsNoggin (rating E)

“Mr. Crowley, I presume?” Aziraphale asked in lieu of an introduction, which was not forthcoming. The guy hadn’t even removed his sunglasses. Oh God, he had a tattoo on his face. Aziraphale wasn’t one to judge, but… what kind of gardener had a snake tattoo on his face?

💜 recommended by @darthbreezy 💜

post-professional endeavours by darcylindbergh (rating T)

Retirement is a four-letter word.

💗 recommended by @thegeekyartist 💗

Fire, Bridges, and other Sensible Idioms by KiaraMGrey (rating E)

To: The person who stopped the washer in the middle of my wash cycle and took my clothes out just to wash your own… You are an arsehole! Unfortunately for you, so am I. You can find your wet clothes frozen outside in the snow. If you have any problems with this, come see me in 301. or Aziraphale has a new neighbor, and they certainly don't start off on the right foot.

❤️ recommended by @weiwnxian ❤️

Any Other Name by mostlyanything19 (rating T)

“The Angel of the Eastern Gate.” Crawly grins. “What’s your name, anyway? You never said.” “Oh...” Apologies, Aziraphael almost says, but then he doesn’t. That would be taking things a bit too far. This is still the Enemy. “Aziraphael.” “Aziraphael,” repeats Crawly—or tries to, because halfway through the word he chokes. Quite badly. Or: What if Aziraphale’s name was originally "Aziraphael", in keeping with the conventional spelling and pronunciation of angel names, but because of its divine nature Crowley is physically unable to say it out loud.

[the-french-laundry]

chapter one | HR by Neil Fak

pairing: carmen berzatto x f!oc

summary: 'The Bear' is on track with only a few weeks left before its soft opening. Time to hire new chefs for the kitchen chaos - and Neil Fak - out of all people - had a perfect contact up his sleeve: a past memory from 'Empire'.

warning(s): language | mentions of death | mentions of trauma | mentions of suicide | David Fields | semi-edited | english is not my first language, faults may occur | please let me know if i missed anything

word count: 1.7k

song:The Replacements - Can't Hardly Wait

There were a lot of sayings about chefs working in kitchens around the world - that they needed to be highly disfunctional, outcasts, chaotic, that you easily develop nicotine or alcohol addictions in a restless environment like this. How many times did Anthony Bourdain talk about how messy working as a chef is and yet, a kitchen also provides structure and order. When she lost all of that in New York, Celía Jeannin fell deep, really deep. So much so, that she didn't even bear to tell her family about her sudden loss of employment and the loss of her New York appartment, which came right after that. How could she even tell them? Her parents ran the great 'Bonaparte', a legacy of her famous grandfather Hugo Jeannin. Both Hugo and his son André, Celía's father, were michelin-starred chefs, who carved the name 'Jeannin' forever into the world of culinary, making it nearly impossible to escape any forms of comparison between the generations.

Celía felt like nothing else than a 'déception', a disappointment. Raising fast like Ikarus, when she won her first awards at a young age and had worked in a line of legendary restaurants, only to get burned by the sun that was 'Empire' and its goddamn motherfucker of a head chef named David Fields. New York died for Celía because of him. Even thinking about his name almost made her vomit and somehow even triggered the question in her, if she should even proceed being a chef in this toxic industry.

This question went straight to the bin, while she took a deep drag off her cigarette in front of that new restaurant 'The Bear' she'd applied for.

It wasn't really hard for her to come back to Chicago, after all she'd grown up here before her family settled over to New York. Somehow it still felt like coming home but at the same time she was a complete stranger in a city she'd left about 15 years ago. The only still living memory here was a childhood friend she'd never given up on: Neil Fak.

Neil Fak was a warm-hearted nerd with many shortcomings, but so many good traits that made him a really special friend, Celía knew she could count on. In fact, he was kind of her only remaining friend. Even though the two of them hadn't seen each other in real life for many years, Neil had instantly offered her a place to stay, when he heard that she'd lost her job and appartment in New York. And only a couple of days after she'd moved in and occupied his couch, he informed her about a job offer that was open at the place he used to work. It was a bit confusing what he was doing there, given the fact that he didn't seemed to get paid, but anyways - the job description was interesting. And she needed money.

That's how she got here, taking another breath of that sweet nicotine filled smoke, while she stared at an old and rusty metal sign, which leaned against the big trash containers. 'The Original Beef of Chicagoland'. It seemed like a forgotten testament to an era that now got replaced.

"Never seen you like this before, Cel!?" The sound of Neil Fak's loud voice hit Celía like a baseball bat straight out of her daydreaming and she quickly put out her cigarette.

"Like what?", she answered with a slight irritation on her face, while she tried to straighten her black and white chess fur jacket.

"Nervous. Unfocused. I dunno, you were always more like that grumpy poker face type of girl, when it came to important stuff and shit", Neil smiled and gave her best friend a reassuring pat on the shoulder. Nervousness? No. It was different. For the first time in her life, she was desperate for a job and wished for something that was far from the long-established restaurants she'd worked in before. Maybe one that wasn't even open yet could become a chance for her to be part of something more.

"I'm not nervous. I mean- 'tis is not the first time i applied for a fancy kitchen, y'know. Right now i'm just... well... okey, maybe i'm a little nervous", she sighed heavily as Fak already rushed forward to open the backdoor.

„Ah no worry, Cell! The team is just super great and wholesome. Everyone’s so cool and gives their very best. Richie, Syd, Carm and the others. I mean you already spoke to Sugar, right? She’s our organization talent here, really awesome stuff.“ While the words of appreciation and even admiration bubbled from Neil's mouth, Celía tried her best to follow and make sense of all the names. Sugar? Did he meant Natalie?

Just seconds after they'd entered the work-in-progress restaurant, a dirty rag hit Neil right in the face - thrown by a tall man in a shirt with the name "The Original Berf" written on it, who stood in the room. "Yo Fak, get your fucking ass here and help me goddamnit! I am trying to fix the freakin' toilet!", he shouted over, while Neil threw that rag back in his direction. "Maybe y'should stop shitting so hard, Richie!"

A sarcastic laugh went from the lips of that guy named Richie, who's eyes went straight to Celía. "Which of your sisters is that?" Celía's eyes widened in irritation and her mouth opened for a silent 'What' before Neil was faster.

"She is not my sister, what the fuck? What makes you think that?"

"Because no girl would date you," he answered with a teasing smile, clearly trying to annoy him.

"Shut it, Richie! She's a new hire!" Suddenly another person rushed into the room, apparently because they shouted so loud that everyone could hear it. The young black woman with a colorful headband and a blue apron walked straight over to Celía, offering her a handshake she instantly accepted.

"Hi ummm... sorry for the mess, i'm Sydney, Chef de Cuisine here. You're Celía, right?"

"Yeah, thanks. No worry 'bout the chaos thing, i'm used to that, so... kitchen things, right?"

"Kitchen things", Sydney repeated with an understanding sigh. "Then let's quick start and i'll show you around?". Celía nodded with an excited smile on her face. It was all new... No established michelin restaurant, a fresh start, a challenge and yet something that promised a form of peace - away from that fucking star world.

________________________________________________________

Setting up a full restaurant from a place that was once a run-down sandwich shop was something where you could lose your mind easily, especially surrounded by a bunch of chaotic personalities - awesome people, but chaotic. Carmen Berzatto jumped from one task to another, trying his best not to get lost in anything and miss any calls or to-dos in the process. He was pretty sure that without Sugar's organization talents and Sydneys engagement, this whole renovating project would simply go down the drain. There was just so much on the list: safety certifications, legal releases, modifications of the place, setting up new kitchen equipment and of course: hiring more people. Chefs and service staff, somehow experienced.

And that hiring job became almost a full-time thing at times during the last weeks. Finding good staff just wasn't as easy as they hoped for and a lot of the job interviews weren't successfull. It was to the surprise of everyone, that one day Neil Fak - out of all people - showed up with a job application from a friend of his, which he handed out to Sydney. Carmen didn't interfere - in fact, he didn't even had the time to read that application himself. He trusted Syd's experience and human knowledge enough to let her decide if the person was interesting for them to hire or not.

Never, never in his life would it come to his mind, that Fak's friend was someone he'd seen before, especially not someone like this. Stressed out to the brink, he tried to make a list of important phone calls today. At least a little bit of peace and quiet was needed for this task, especially in a state of the restaurant, where most of the walls weren't existing anymore. His makeshift office for today was a small storage room with a door that was too thin to keep out the banter between Richie and Fak, which made it nearly impossible to concentrate, let alone making phone calls that required him to understand the person on the other line.

In his frustration he finally kicked open the door of his room, his jaw clenched in anger about of those idiots. "Can't you guys shut up at least for ONE FUCKING HOUR!" What a timing. He didn't realized at first that beside the door stood Sydney, her eyes widened and her mouth open in confusion - and right next to her the new-hire.

"Bad timing? Wanted to introduce our new chef", Sydney asked, which pulled Carmy out of his thoughts, his face instantly turning to the two women. "No, no, i just-", he started, but stopped, when his blue eyes stared at Celía and she stared back. Her hair was straight-up the opposite of what he knew, but he would recognize that face easily even though they'd barely spoke a word back then.

It was at the Empire, that hellhole of a place. He was Chef de Cuisine, but felt like a fucking nothing in the presence of Head Chef David Fields, who run this cult-like kitchen like a mental torture chamber. People came and they left, rather sooner than later and so fast that it became impossible for Carmen to keep up with their names. Only those, who stayed longer than a month were the ones, who slowly started to get a name in his memory - she was one of them. He remembered that she'd worked as Entremetier, Saucier and about one and a half month before he left this nightmare, she became Sous. He thought she'd still be there, trapped in that unhealthy place, which had made him mentally ill. Bizarrely he'd always thought she even liked it there, the only person he'd ever saw in there smiling.

"What is going on?", Syd questioned in a low tone, while her eyes went from Carmen to Celía and back to Carmen, obviously trying to make any sense why they kept staring at each other like they'd seen a ghost and froze in place. It was awkward, even weirder than that.

"We-". It was Celía, who just found her voice before Carmen was even able to open his mouth. "We worked together."

[fictional-orphan-smackdown]

Look man I'm tired, I can't keep coming up with these catchy similarity based showdown titles

All propaganda and what each competitor is from under the cut

Anthony Lockwood (Lockwood and Co)

Lockwood (he's known by his surname mostly) is the mysterious, daredevil and charming founder of Lockwood and Co., a detective agency specialised in protecting people from angry -and sometimes sort of hungry- ghosts in a world where they're rampant. His agency is starting small despite Lockwood bragging it's the best in London but get more and more recognition as the series progress and the agents composing them meet success (when they're not on the verge of dying). Lockwood has open manners but hid his painful past from his coworkers to protect himself. He and George, the first teenager he recruited, are quite stunned by Lucy, a country girl who fled to London after disaster striked in her hometown. Thanks to her talent, she quickly becomes known as one of the best ghost fighter in London and finds her place in the small team despite having the same determination to hide her past than Lockwood, which draws him close to her, making George jealous, but Lockwood's manifest good skills in leadership and the three of them become fast friends while unravelling secret truths and risking their lives repeatedly

He has a lot of trauma and a lot of pain but he always smiles and always has a warm and polite attitude; he’s so protective of the ones he loves that it overrides his suicidal tendencies; at the end of the series he starts to heal from his past; he’s hot but has only two braincells.

Shadow the Hedgehog (Sonic the Hedgehog franchise)

Shadow was created to help cure Robotnik's daughter, Maria, who suffers from the in-universe equivalent of AIDS. However, the us military catches wind of this and wants to use Shadow as a weapon. They storm the facility, kill Robotnik, KILL MARIA, but not before she ejects Shadow in a stasis pod that freezes him for 50 years. He has a black and red palette and owns a gun

I've come to make an announcement: Shadow the Hedgehog's a bitch-ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking wife. That's right. He took his hedgehog fuckin' quilly dick out and he pissed on my FUCKING wife, and he said his dick was THIS BIG, and I said that's disgusting. So I'm making a callout post on my Twitter.com. Shadow the Hedgehog, you got a small dick. It's the size of this walnut except WAY smaller. And guess what? Here's what my dong looks like. That's right, baby. Tall points, no quills, no pillows, look at that, it looks like two balls and a bong. He fucked my wife, so guess what, I'm gonna fuck the earth. That's right, this is what you get! My SUPER LASER PISS! Except I'm not gonna piss on the earth. I'm gonna go higher. I'm pissing on the MOOOON! How do you like that, OBAMA? I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT! You have twenty-three hours before the piss DROPLETS hit the fucking earth, now get out of my fucking sight before I piss on you too!

[hayanwulf]

For the wip game: I’m curious about the How to kill your dragon

(WIP Game)

I am starting to feel self-conscious about how highly detailed all my fic plots tend to be.

Anyway,

Royalty + fantasy + a/b/o AU. Vaguely inspired from How To Train Your Dragon as well as Frozen.

Stephen is a sad lonely (omega) dragon who just cannot live a solitary life like the other dragons seem to happily live. The solitary lifestyle drives him insane. So the obvious solution is to shapeshift into human and live amongst them, right?

For those who are familiar with a/b/o verse, sometimes there's this element in the story that Alphas are able to control/command Omegas using pheromones / "Voice".

Since Stephen is a dragon, a human Alpha's Voice should not work on him. Biologically speaking. Heck, dragons don't even have the same concept of Voice as humans do, so their Voice shouldn't work on him at all. But it does, for reasons he doesn't understand yet.

It was a concern in the past [ insert past trauma ;) ] but ever since King Howard Stark's reign, there have been many laws put into place for Omegas' protection. So Stephen decides to try living as a human. He develops keen interest in the Healing Arts, finds a mentor by the name of The Ancient One, and manages to become a part of her small pack.

So, his life is good here. Until it isn't...

Recently, a large purple dragon by the name of 'Mad Titan' has been attacking the Kingdom of Rakshida, and Prince Tony is tired of sitting inside a stupid palace, waiting for the next attack to strike their Kingdom.. so he sets out in search of this dragon, and that leads him to the Kamar-Taj province.

Something something unfortunate circumstances meeting unfortunate timing...

There's more. God, so much more. For now, I'll let this Frozen-inspired snippet do the talking.

-

As he was walking towards the stairs, he caught a conversation between two people in the lobby that made him freeze.

“Oh, I can’t imagine what Prince Anthony must be going through, to have finally captured the dragon, but then lose his parents to it!”

What!!?

“I pray the Vishanti will curse that beast with a thousand years of pain.”

“We should rather pray for our safety. The dragon escaped from the prison right outside the Capital. What if it came this way?”

“Don’t be ludicrous, it hasn’t been spotted at all in days. It probably went back to its...”

Stephen didn’t have patience to sit through their useless gossip, even less so right now. He marched up to the pair of omegas, unabashedly intruding into their conversation. “What were you saying just now?”

Both the persons were startled as they turned to him. “What..?” Asked the woman.

“About Prince Anthony.. What were you saying? What happened to his parents?”

The pair looked at each other as though Stephen had just asked a stupid question, then turned to him again as the man replied, “Two days ago King Howard and Queen Maria were killed. By the dragon that Prince Anthony had captured.”

Stephen’s entire world seemed to come to a stop.

The King and Queen were dead.

Rakshida’s King and Queen were dead.

The people who had allowed Stephen to create a safe human life for himself, were dead.

Killed.

Killed by the dragon.

Stephen had killed them.

Stephen had murdered the two people who had given him his new life.

A murderer.

Useless. Weak. Good for nothing.

Can’t even control his fire.

A monster—

“Hey, I think you should sit down..” The woman steadied him with a hand on his arm, snapping him back to reality.

“I think he needs a healer—”

“No,” Stephen cut the man off. “No,” he said again, releasing his arm from the woman’s grip. “I’m fine,” he said while wobbling in his steps. Both the persons tried to reach out to him, but he backed away and ran towards the stairs.

With only half of his conscience still working, he somehow found the room that was his for tonight. Gripping the key between his fingers that now shook way more that they should, he tried to insert the key into its lock, growling under his breath and eyes tearing up when his hands wouldn’t listen.

“Come on, you useless thing!” He growled out louder than he should, and in a split second channeled way too much magic into his hands. All the luminescent lines of his body lit up a bright white-blue, excess magic seeped out of his skin turning into blue butterflies, and instead of putting the key through the lock, he accidentally crushed the entire lock in his grip.

He froze up, staring at the broken lock in his palm, and then at all the bright magic lines that ran down his hands disappearing under his sleeves, felt each of the magic line under his skin pulsating with magic.

And then he felt his throat growing warm.

No.

No.

NO!

He smacked his free hand over his mouth, trying to will the fire down, and rushed into the room to lock himself in, praying to the Vishanti to give him strength to control himself. He leaned against the now closed door and slowly let his body slide down, until he was sitting on the floor.

There was a knock against the door, and he flinched, a flicker of blue fire escaping from his mouth. He brought his other hand over his mouth too, covering it fully, ignoring the soft murmur of ‘water’ that came from outside.

He trembled in fear. He was going to lose control. He was going to spit fire absolutely everywhere. He was going to burn down all of these innocent humans who had done absolutely nothing to him. He was going to kill everyone. Like he killed the King and Queen.

Vishanti, why had he unleashed his fire back there? What had he been thinking? That he’d be able to control his neutral fire? That had already failed when the Prince had attacked him. His ‘neutral fire’ had melted their armor. Why did he ever think he would be able to control it at all?

His throat felt too hot. He choked on his own fire as more magic started to escape his skin, materializing into butterflies. He closed his eyes, tears running down his cheeks as he tried to summon any bit of willpower that still remained inside him.

It wasn’t working. He couldn’t do this. His head was spinning and heavy. There was too much magic trapped under his skin. He was going to lose it. He needed to run. He needed to get far away from these humans.

He tried to get up on his knees, but immediately collapsed to the ground.

He should have never come near humans. He should have never left the mountains. He should have locked himself up in his den forever.

If he was always going to be defective, he should have never been born.

Why was he even alive yet..?

His vision and thoughts faded into nothingness.

[steelbluehome]

Collider

On 'The Falcon and the Winter Soldier's Curiously Iffy Relationship With Therapy

By Gregory Lawrence

Mar 28, 2021

I’ve been going to therapy for many years, and if you’re reading this, I suggest you do, too. It’s an exceptional tool in the ongoing journey of one’s mental health, a place where you can speak and be listened to without agenda. The therapists I’ve spoken with in my life have one common trait: Unflappability. They are professionals at navigating the complicated emotional lives of their clients while not becoming destructively emotional themselves. They don’t pursue anything but giving you a runway to find your truth.

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier is a welcomely grounded Marvel Cinematic Universe series, one less interested in the “big three” of supernatural baddies (“androids, aliens, and wizards,” as Anthony Mackie’s Falcon phrases it) and more interested in the traumas and struggles of getting chewed up and spit out by the systems of regular-ass life. Yes, Mackie’s Sam and Sebastian Stan’s Bucky are fierce warriors who have used state-of-the-art tech and super-soldier serums respectively to battle all kinds of strange folks. But two episodes in, the series’ fights are human-to-human, full of shades and nuance, and often hamstrung by the cruel machinations of a society so determined to make life hard for people (especially returning veterans).

That’s why I was happy to see Amy Aquino show up as Dr. Christina Raynor, Bucky’s court-ordered therapist, in the very first episode. As made evident by Bucky’s nightmare of the merciless acts of violence he took while under Hydra mind control (rendered with shocking horror-tinged brutality by series director Kari Skogland), he needs therapy badly. In their initial sequence together, we see Bucky behave the way we often see troubled protagonists behave in therapy scenes: He plays the silent treatment at best and is openly antagonistic at worst. He baldly lies to his mental health professional about his own mental health. I understand that our (anti)hero can’t suddenly be enlightened and peaceful and ready to move on from his inner conflict; I want to see him go through this journey over the season of television. But I still couldn’t help but want to scream through the TV at him, “Just tell her the truth! You’re only hurting yourself!”

Depiction doesn’t equal endorsement, especially when it comes to a complicated character like Bucky who has objectively committed murders, but there’s something that continues to be complicated about seeing the center of our journey, the person we’re to align ourselves with being so resistant toward mental health wellness, perhaps to provoke a response of “Aw, I understand, I’d behave the same way. Therapy is weird!”

Then again, Dr. Christina Raynor might not be the best therapist for Bucky, or any client. Dramatic license must be taken in any depiction of real life. Unlike the often aimless moments of regular-ass life, dramatic scenes must involve conflict, intention, agency, and a visible drive toward a visible goal. Thus Dr. Raynor, like many film and television therapists before her, takes an aggressive approach toward “meeting the goal of making Bucky well,” poking and prodding at him, trying her best to “get him there.” She simply drips with derision and disdain at every level of her interaction with poor Bucky, even snarkily acting out his past tendencies to commit brainwashed murders. On the one hand, she needs to behave like this for the function of the scene; to watch a character be a blank slate of non-provocation without any goal of her own would likely make a boring scene. The way the scene plays is a strong visualization of Bucky’s resistance and Dr. Raynor’s (and the audience’s) desire for him to know peace. But as she kept poking and prodding and needling and frowning, even while insisting that Bucky needs to trust her, I thought to myself, “Of course he’s not speaking up. Who’d want to spill their innermost secrets to this force who obviously has an aggressive agenda?” The scene attempts to justify some of this behavior by reminding us that Dr. Raynor is a soldier who’s seen combat herself. But the moment a therapist tells you “That’s utter bullshit” is the moment you find a new therapist, dramatic license or not.

Episode 2 pumps up some of the oddness of this therapy dynamic by injecting it with one of the key secrets to the MCU’s sauce: Tension-cutting banter. After Bucky is arrested for not showing up to one of his court-mandated sessions (another complicated moment of positioning the viewer as finding therapy to be an impediment to the characters’, and show’s, action), Dr. Raynor forces both Bucky and Sam to sit down in front of her and figure out what’s tearing them apart. Surprisingly, and quite touchingly, Stan and Mackie play this scene earnestly, the pain they feel toward each other and themselves seeping from the corners of their eyes into their full figures, even as they do bantery things like move their chairs close together without knocking their knees together.

But Dr. Raynor is over here roasting and toasting them like a damn Friars Club gala. She glibly but stridently positions the exercises she wants them to do as normally being done by romantic couples, not giving them any chance to breathe at the slightest moment of resistance, cutting her patients off at the knees under the auspices of helping them stand. She is sarcastic throughout, saying things like “No volunteers? How surprising,” and “Sweet Jesus” with the tenor of a middle school gym teacher ragging on the math nerd who’s getting whomped in dodgeball. And yes, there’s an attempt at fun and bravado in these back-and-forths, the way we see all kinds of other fun back-and-forths in other “serious” MCU moments, the way we see Sam and Bucky constantly treat each other like bickering children. But not every single moment of the MCU needs to possess this kind of tone, especially not when we’re trying to watch a mental health professional deal with such clearly damaged clients.

All of this, this brevity and impatience and snarkiness, is perhaps more understandable and better played in this episode, given the emotional states of our title characters and the fact that it’s framed by an increasingly sleazy, dehumanizing new Captain America (Wyatt Russell, simply throwing away the line, “He’s too valuable of an asset to have tied up, so just do whatever you gotta do with him, then send him off to me”). But it’s still odd and brittle in a way I find unnecessary, even unhelpful. The sequence ends with a genuine moment of clarity and understanding — a breakthrough, even — between Sam and Bucky, even though it ends with Sam leaving the room. Dr. Raynor’s response, simply, is a sarcastic, “Thank you. That was really great.”

“No bullshit tough love,” to use a word Dr. Raynor is fond of, is a sensible stylistic choice for any character in Falcon and the Winter Soldier, but I worry it comes at the cost of actual human connection, change, or empathy in these very sensitive moments. And I worry it all comes at a cost of further demonizing seeking therapy as a viable option for anyone watching. I love the way The Falcon and the Winter Soldier pushes forward in its darker-than-usual plottings, but I really love the way it stands still in its darker-than-usual emotional explorations. I don’t want Dr. Raynor, nor performer Amy Aquino, to suddenly become clipped or dampened or in any way made less of a human being. I just hope Dr. Raynor’s own in-universe therapist tells her to get out of the way of her own bullshit and let the characters explore themselves in future episodes.

[sea-owl]

I like how Bridgerton not only shows the love story between the couples but also the love story the leads have with themselves as they learn to self-love.

For some of the leads, it's more subtle than it is for their partner, like with saphne and philoise. Simon is the more obvious one since we see how his relationship with his father caused his self-loathing and wanting to end the Basset line. Same thing with Phillip, the trauma of his father, losing his brother, and his first marriage lead to this self-hatred he has that leads to his decision that the children are better off with him absent and his second marriage would be another marriage of duty. With Daphne, I think it shows more in the books since she was on her second or third season and no one wanted her for a wife but as a friend, or those that did made her uncomfortable. Then her marriage comes, but in some ways, she's still being treated with kid gloves, which frustrates her. Eloise is very subtle with hers, but she is mostly in a good place. She just needs a few tune ups.

Benophie and polin are a little more evened out when watching their self-love stories. Both Benedict and Colin are rooted in their purpose beyond being second and third sons. Sophie and Penelope are both learning to self-love beyond what society has done to them. With Sophie, she is a bastard daughter. She was never going to be given a fair chance in life. Lords barely like/tolerate their legitimate daughters. She had no chance. Penelope, with her job as Whistledown, heard all the whispers and gossip, which included ones about herself. As herself, she was only shown kindness from the Bridgertons, her best friend's family,and she believed it came from a place of pity.

Kathony is another one that really dives into self-love as well, especially with the show, Anthony has put his duty as head of the family first ever since he was 18 when Edmund died. This sense of duty went even as far as to his hunt for a viscountess. He was looking to continue on the Bridgerton line, not love. Meanwhile, Kate has always been seen lesser when compared to Edwina that she wasn't even looking for prospects for herself, which the show really hit home on by making Kate a spinster. She is also putting her familial duty first. This is why they aggravated each other so much, they were each what the other subconsciously wanted. Neither of them wanted to admit wanting love, they did not want to be vulnerable, and in a way, they did not believe they deserved to put their happiness and chance for love first.

I love seeing it in their stories where they have their breakthrough moments where they decide that no, I did not deserve that, I am more than what you made me believe, and I may not he there yet but I am going down the road where I will love myself.

[throwawayforanaskcauseanxiety]

Some long thoughts on Angel Dust, "Poison" controversy and "Loser baby"

It's kind of incredible how divided people are on Hazbin. Two creators I follow for various animated media reviews have such different takes it's a bit surreal, but their arguments on SA and Angel Dust are wildly different, even though technically coming from the same place.

First things first, disliking a character, a ship, a song in the show or Hazbin hotel as a whole is fine. Yet, some arguments are better structured than others. There's a lot of discussion and some bizarre misinterpretations.

People who have been victims themselves have quite the different opinions on both "Poison" and Angel dust, and it's fine, as long as the topic is handled seriously and with respect. A lot of people loudly praise it and point out that "Poison" doesn't shy away from showing reality (coping via disassociating), while graphic, the abuse is shown in a 100% negative light, not pulling any punches (regardless of who was one of the storyboard artists). Others say it's gratuitous and uncomfortable. Regardless, Valentino IS an absolute bastard, the abuse is horrifying and its impact is immediately clear.

We can't have any kind of representation if we're too scared to be uncomfortable. Not everything has to be scrubbed clean and palatable, it can be nuanced. Hazbin hotel discusses some very adult topics in an adult way.

It's not "a weird choice for "Poison" to be a catchy pop song" or a mock music video, knowing most of what we were first shown as Angel's persona. Listen to the lyrics, he's literally having a breakdown. It's sugary catchy pop because Angel is trying very hard to disassociate. Just look at how "Angel Dust" acts throughout the series and how "Anthony" does, in most scenes he's scared, panicking or crying.

Secondly, "Loser baby" is very important to both Angel and Husk - it's Husk being both in your face honest, talking about himself, and playful (and self-deprecating). All bark and no bite, a taunt to drop the act cause Husk sees through it, worries about Angel and can relate. Angel doesn't have to pretend like everything's fine and he's this untouchable famous pornstar. I love how Husk is reaching out to Angel and then waiting for a response to take his hand, it's really all in the subtle details.

They're "both losers", however, Angel is not a loser for being assaulted and abused (Husk isn't a loser for being an alcoholic or a gambler), it's about identity. How others identify him, the mask he puts on, and how he should accept who he is on HIS OWN terms. Just as importantly, know that HE'S NOT ALONE.

The song is not comparing "their traumas, SA to a gambling addiction" (obv paraphrasing, still, what...?). Angel and Husk are in the same boat because they sold their souls to people who have disturbing amounts of power over them. They both have to dance to their whims, albeit in different ways, and come to terms with who they are in spite of it. Does Husk's silly song break away their chains? No. Does it help Angel find courage to stand up to Valentino and create some well-needed boundaries? I'd say yes.

Thirdly, twitter is a disease and media literacy is dead. In more ways than one, keeping in mind the countless debunked "accusations" and people getting harassed over valid criticisms (f.e., the pace, progress shown on screen and not or just not liking the show). Things are easily misinterpreted in worst possible ways, the mob mentality around it. Where people take the line "[Alastor] fled with his tail between his legs" and interpret it as "Alastor has a tail CONFIRMED". Goodnight sweet prince, rest in peace.

[overlycritical]

Sweeney Todd: It's called DEMON barber for a reason Josh Groban!

An overly critical review of the 2023 Broadway revival of Sweeney Todd.

Once that renowned factory whistle blows, audience members will notice this production deviates from the established common performance practice. Oftentimes, Sweeney Todd is performed in more of a “park and bark” style, in which the ensemble simply comes on stage, sings their number, and walks off. In this production, however, the ensemble members have more purpose. They exhibit the effect the events of the show have on the people of London. As they warn the audience of the tale to come, they cower and jerk to the rhythm of the songs, occasionally scattering and reforming into a group like a hive mind. They seem deathly afraid that Todd could target them next. This places the audience there with them, living in perpetual fear of Sweeney Todd, the demon barber of Fleet Street who could come for anyone, at any time.

The aforementioned Todd, played by Josh Groban, is a broken man driven to violence by the injustice he has suffered. Accomplished singer Groban certainly possesses the vocal prowess necessary for his character. He is commanding. His voice is smooth and flawless, fitting so seamlessly into the orchestration you would think he is a part of the pit. Vocally, he is the perfect Sweeney Todd. His acting, however, differs from the Todd Broadway audiences have come to know. Groban’s Todd is oddly timid, seeming more a man defeated than one driven to bloody revenge. His behavior, more weepy than enraged, makes him seem like just some guy, like Sweeney Todd, The Normal Barber of an Average Street. He processes his emotions in a way similar to the stereotypical male. He shuts up and stews, making his decision to commit mass murder less believable.

Perhaps that is the point. The ensemble says in the epilogue, “perhaps today you gave a nod to Sweeney Todd” implying anyone could be capable of such acts if driven to it. So, this may be what Groban’s more muted Todd is meant to convey. Still, I found it a bit lackluster and kept waiting for the rage associated with the character. Although, his voice more than made up for any acting shortcomings, or at least the crowd seemed to think so, as they hollered at the end of every scene.

The rest of the cast did their jobs very well. Annaleigh Ashford was effortlessly charming as deranged baker Mrs. Lovett, a role she seems almost born to play. The stars of the show, however, were undeniably Jordan Fisher and Gaten Matarazzo as Antony and Tobias, respectively. Fisher brings humility to Anthony, and his songs and dialogue are instantly believable. Unlike Groban’s Todd, Fisher’s “everyman” act is highly effective. You cannot help but root for him as he seems like any young man you might know. Matarazzo’s Tobias is much the same. Mazzerato executes Tobias’s high, childish songs with ease and heart, humanizing a character that is often made to look a fool.

Maria Bilbao as Johanna is a lovely contradiction, pairing a voice like a Disney princess with the actions of someone who has given up on magic. Her twitching and picking at herself reflect the caged bird metaphor, as well as a trauma response. These offputting, involuntary motions make the audience wonder what horrors she faced from Judge Turpin before the story began, adding further depth to an often shallow character. Jamie Jackson’s Judge Turpin is creepy and despicable, as a Judge Turpin must be, and his sidekick Beadle Bamford (entertainingly portrayed by John Rapson) fills the role of pompous stooge perfectly.

Nicholas Christoper (Pirelli) and Ruthie Ann Miles (Beggar Woman) perform well but struggle slightly to make their unremarkable characters stand out.

All in all, it was a deeply entertaining show, with a creative set and attention to detail. Despite my qualms, the show is a faithful revival of a Broadway classic, that any musical theatre fan is sure to enjoy.

[dreamwritesimagines]

It’s CMA-

I’m not feeling 100% so plz bear with me if this is shorter than usual. I’ll probably add on later

Also hope ur doing better from last time we talked❤️❤️❤️❤️

So I’ve read a few books on developmental trauma and we talk about it in class sometimes and we talk about the hyper-/hypo-arousal that they go through and the issues with emotional regulation and how easy it is to throw them off their axis, and I feel like you’ve portrayed that very well in this story.

Like the way that she’s either at stress level 10000% or completely shut down and there’s very little in between. Or how the it’s very unstable- every little thing throws her off her axis.

And of course the anxiety and paranoia of everything going wrong at any given moment. It’s this thing with people who’ve faced child abuse that they learn to always be on guard because they never knew what was going to set off their parents, so they’ve learned to overanalyze every little thing and we see that a lot with clover.

We also see some negative distortions, or “bad thinking habits”, such as spiraling/catastrophizing, black and white thinking, etc. which I think that you’ve written very well.

Idk I think I’m just really in love with the way that you’ve portrayed the trauma and its long term effects on her, how difficult it is to get over that, how it permeates every part of her life, the coping mechanisms that were really necessary for her survival, etc.

There’s actually a lot of brain studies on what’s called toxic stress- I’ve probably brought this up before- and how it completely rewires your brain, but I don’t think the data can properly convey the emotion of it like you have with this story.

I actually wouldn’t be surprised if the feeling that clover was describing about shutting down her emotions and everything was actually related to not only hypoarousal and repression but also some dissociation. The brain has trouble dealing with chronic stress like that, and dissociation (which includes depersonalization and derealization) is actually a response to prolonged high amounts of stress.

The hypoarousal is actually more common in situations in which the situation feels inescapable, which is common in children. Many people overlook it because they assume that all anxiety manifests itself as panic attacks, but when it comes to kids hypoarousal is very common.

It’s the whole ‘fight or flight’ idea, which pretty much all researchers agree should be ‘flight, fight, and freeze’ in terms of survival mechanisms (including against trauma). If you’re confronted with something like a bear, your first option/thought is almost always to flee the situation (same for pretty much all living creatures with “basic instincts”), then if you cannot flee then fight, and if you cannot do that, then to freeze. Freezing is a last resort because you cannot do the other two options. It’s a last resort, sort of helplessness like playing dead.

(humans are unique in that we can overcome our fight/flight/freeze response thanks to executive functioning, but that is impaired in children with trauma. This isn’t really relevant, but I always thought it was interesting. It does however take a lot of work to do so; it’s difficult to rewire your brain, esp as an adult, so how your brain gets wired as a child does have a huge impact on you, which is what we see with clover)

Okay sorry as you know when I get started talking about developmental trauma I can’t shut up. Onto other stuff:

Josie putting Anthony in his place: fuck yeah you go girl

Clover calling out Anthony about Charlie: fuck yeah you go girl

(aka fuck Anthony he’s been an oblivious ass so far and he needs to redeem himself)

Teddy is going to have three homes with three times the toys in the span of like a month lmao good for him

Clover’s aunt and uncle looking out for her 😭😭😭 also ben and Charlie and Josie and Bess and Andrew and teddy and everyone else doing the same🥺 she is so loved and she doesn’t even realize it💔💔

Man clover keeps passing out. First in her garden and now this lololololol

I’m so worried that when her parents show up, they’re going to reveal her trauma to everyone in the ton, or at least the bridgertons. That’s so horrible and retraumatizing to clover and I’m worried that even if she starts accepting her feelings and healing that she’ll be too fragile…………………

Okay going back and speaking of clover not eating and passing out, I haven’t eaten today and it’s 3 pm so I should go do that Lmfao. I just love talking to you so much that I always forget/put it off on saturdays (it’s not ur fault btw I woke up at like 2 LMFAO fuck spring forward)

Okay love u lots. hope ur well❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

OMG CMA DARLING! 🥰

I hope everything is alright! Are you okay??❤️

Aw I'm so happy to hear that I could portray it well❤️ I think especially when it comes to spiraling and anxiety, we will see just how it can affect Clover in the following chapters❤️ She never acknowledged her trauma or even talked about it with Benedict or anyone really, so she thinks repressing it will make it easier for her to handle it but it won't at all❤️

There’s actually a lot of brain studies on what’s called toxic stress- I’ve probably brought this up before- and how it completely rewires your brain, but I don’t think the data can properly convey the emotion of it like you have with this story. Excuse me while I cry, this is such a wonderful compliment darling! 😱🥰❤️ Aaaaaaa I'm so glad to hear this! ❤️

I agree with you on the dissociation thing and we will see an example of it very soon! Clover is very used to adapting like...zero emotions expression when she's scared and Benedict will witness it soon❤️

Wait I didn't know that, I thought everyone had like...either fight or flight or freeze response depending on person not that it was like a gradual reaction of the sort! 😱 That's very interesting!❤️

I LOVE LEARNING ABOUT THIS SO MUCH! ❤️❤️

Loll Anthony made a huge mistake, talking down on Clover in front of her feral overprotective big sister ❤️

Teddy will have such a happy childhood! ❤️

Oh when her parents shows up... That will cause so much angst, I already have some scenes in mind for it and you will absolutely love it 😏

OMG GO EAT SOMETHING RIGHT NOW 😱❤️

Honeeeey thank you so much for this! ❤️❤️ ILYSM, I hope you feel better soon! ❤️❤️❤️