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heliads · 4 years

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Lucky Number 6

Based on this request: “5 times Luke almost admitted his feelings to the reader (Julie’s BFF) and one time he actually does?”

masterlist

#1: The one time Alex and Reggie interrupt him

Luke’s heading over to Julie’s studio. It’s been a long day, and a pretty boring one at that. With Julie at school all day, he and the boys can’t really play as a band until the afternoon when she comes home. They had been distracting themselves outside the house, but Luke left to return back to Julie’s house because Willie showed up and he’s not really in the mood to watch Alex flirt with the skateboarder any longer. Reggie stayed behind, claiming that he was going to be a chaperone, but even that doesn’t really tempt Luke to stay.

When he shows up at the house, he notices that Julie is already inside the studio, talking to a girl who’s got her back turned to him. When Julie glances up and sees him, she gestures for Luke to join the two of them. “Luke! Good to see you! This is my best friend Y/N!” The girl- Y/N- turns around to face him, and in that moment Luke swears that time stops.

She’s beautiful. No, more than that. Gorgeous. Her eyes are warmer than a sparking fire, and they draw Luke in like the opening notes of a guitar riff that he’s been dying to play. Her smile is infectious, and he feels himself start to smile in return. He barely manages to stammer out a sentence. “I’m Luke. You’re-” He’s cut off as Reggie and Alex poof into existence, and the two boys instantly start talking over him in their rush to speak to Y/N. The words die on his tongue. You’re really pretty.

Luke feels a slight pang of annoyance that his friends would interrupt him at this moment, but as he watches Y/N talking excitedly with them, he realizes that it might have been for the best. What was Luke going to do, anyway? Ask Y/N out on a date when she’s the only one in the world who can see him? Y/N’s turned back to him, now, and the intensity of her gaze makes Luke feel like he’s caught in a strobe light. “Luke, weren’t you saying something?” Luke just shakes his head. “Nah, forgot. Nothing important.” Nothing important indeed. This isn’t going to go very well.

#2: The one time Julie interrupts him

The setting is a fairly large jazz club, home to throngs of people milling about and listening to the music of Julie and the Phantoms. Julie’s killing it on the vocals, of course, and Luke feels like he’s coasting on the clouds as he plays along on his guitar. The entire club is full of people, but yet Luke’s gaze keeps returning to one person and one person alone: Y/N. Before he knows it, the song is over, and he’s bowing in unison with the rest of his bandmates before poofing out of existence along with his guitar.

Luke notices that Y/N’s heading backstage, and so he poofs a few feet in front of her. She jumps, startled, then flashes him a grin. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that.” Luke winces. “Sorry! Keep forgetting that randomly appearing out of nowhere isn’t normal.” Y/N laughs, and the sound makes Luke want to make a thousand more jokes just to hear it again. “No worries. By the way, you were amazing out there! You guys sound terrific.” Luke can’t help but smile at her words. “Us guys?” She nods. “You.”

Maybe it’s the pounding of the music overhead, or the adrenaline of performing, but Luke takes a step closer to Y/N. He watches as she tilts her head up at him, not backing away and maybe even intrigued. His heart feels like it’s pounding a million times per minute. “You know, Y/N, I-” There’s the sound of running footsteps behind him, and Julie jogs up next to the two of them. “There you are! I was looking for you guys everywhere!”

Luke realizes how this looks, the two of them inches away from each other, and he backs away quickly before Julie can realize what he was going to say to Y/N. What he’s been trying to say, but never got the chance. He scratches the back of his head awkwardly. “Well, we’re, uh, over here. Good work out there!” Y/N nods at this, congratulating Julie on the performance. Julie starts to lead her best friend away, but Y/N glances back one last time as if to apologize for not finishing the conversation. Luke can only stand there. How can he tell Y/N how he feels if he keeps getting interrupted?

#3: The one time when she’s into music too

Luke’s bored. School’s technically still in session, but he doesn’t have anything to do and so he shows up to Los Feliz High School anyway. Julie’s in the middle of a test, so he can’t bother her. Instead, Luke just wanders down the halls, idly making lockers open and close when he’s sure nobody can see it. As he rounds a corner, he hears something. It’s faint, coming from further down the hall. Curious, he follows it, and ends up finding himself in front of a closed door to a music room. It’s empty, except for one person seated at a piano. Y/N.

He can’t help himself, and Luke walks through the door to come to a stop in the room. Y/N’s bent over the piano, focusing on the piece at hand. It’s simple, certainly far less advanced than anything Julie’s been working on, but it’s beautiful and makes Luke stand still, watching with a slight smile on his face. A few seconds later, Y/N looks up, her hands falling silent at the keys.

Luke walks over, smiling. “I didn’t know you could play. You sound amazing.” Y/N grins, nervously straightening the sheet music in front of her. “I can’t, or at least not very well. Julie’s teaching me so I can accompany her if she needs anything. She says she wants me to learn because if I play her pieces, she can listen and find mistakes more easily. I’m not sure how much that really works, but I’ve been meaning to learn for a while so I figured I might as well go with it.”

Luke nods, heading over to the piano bench. Y/N scoots a few inches over, and Luke takes a seat next to her. He considers the sheet music propped up on the piano. “To be honest, I’m not that good at piano either. I was always more of a guitar kind of guy, but I’ll learn if you’re there with me.” Y/N beams up at him. “Sounds like a plan. There’s this one line, right here, that I’m having some trouble with.”

Luke nods, scanning the notes. He positions his hands on the keys, skimming just a few millimeters away from Y/N’s fingers. “I think it goes like this.” He plays a few chords, and she nods, brow furrowed in concentration as she tries it herself. Their hands move in tandem, his guiding hers to the proper places on the keys in a quiet dance to the music she’s playing. Luke realizes that Y/N understands the piece now, but he can’t quite convince himself to move his hands away. His arm is neatly wrapped around her shoulders, just a hair away from touching her.

The room is silent, and Luke realizes that she has finished playing the piece. He looks up at her, at the way her chin is tilted up just a few inches away from his own. He wants to say something, anything, but his mouth feels dry and he finds he can’t do anything but stay silent. Y/N blushes slightly, looking away. Just then, her phone rings, and Luke notices the caller ID displays her mother’s name. He unwraps his arms from around her. “I think you had better answer that. It looks important.” She nods, reaching for her phone. Is it just his imagination, or does she look just as reluctant as he does to end this moment?

#4: The one time he realizes he won’t be enough

Luke’s feeling determined. He has to say something to Y/N, to tell her he loves her. He’s been dancing around it for a while now, but he thinks at last he has the confidence to speak up. How is it that he can play with the band in front of massive crowds, but yet talking to a pretty girl makes his heart pound like a drum in his chest?

Y/N’s back at Julie’s house again, and they’re getting ready for another garage show. They hadn’t planned on doing any more performances at Julie’s house, considering that the Phantoms were so well-known that they could afford to play at larger venues, but Ray had asked and so the band would deliver. Y/N’s helping them set up, and Luke’s about to tell her how he feels. For real this time, no interruptions.

He rounds the corner of his house and sees her, the confidence in her stature and the smile in her eyes. It takes him a second longer to realize that she’s talking to somebody. Nick, that boy from school who’d had a crush on Julie. Guess he’d moved on. Luke hangs back, realizing that Y/N can’t see him from this angle. As he watches, Y/N laughs, hitting Nick playfully with the palm of her hand. They look so happy together, and get along so well.

There’s some difference here in the way she acts with Nick than with him, and it hits Luke like a ton of bricks. Nick’s right there, and he can be a regular, ordinary person with her. She can hit him playfully, can tap him on the shoulder, can take his hand and never let it go. Luke feels his ghostliness keenly in this moment, in a way he’s never felt it before. Will it always be like this, with him an undying outsider? Will he have to watch as she grows up and moves on from him, even when he can’t move on from her?

Y/N is starting to turn around now, and Luke quickly moves away before she can see him. So much for that conversation happening- he can’t see a future where she would ever want to be with him. Why would she, when no one else can even look at him?

#5- The one time there’s a miscommunication

There’s a crowded afterparty at Flynn’s house. Flynn had been proud of Julie and the band, and, not wanting Carrie to take advantage of the crowd’s high spirits, had hosted the party herself. Luke is here, although he’s not quite sure why. Nobody can see him anyway. In fact, the only reason he showed up at all is because Y/N had asked him to. He’d do anything for that girl, he knows that now. He doesn’t even know where she is, and he’s still here. Luke’s head is starting to pound from all of the noise, and he heads out to a quiet room out back to let his thoughts settle.

There’s a quiet noise behind him, and he turns to see Y/N standing next to the door. She smiles at him. “Not quite enjoying yourself?” Luke shrugs. “It’s kind of hard to appreciate the party when you’re not really there to everyone else.” Y/N smiles. “You’re here to me, Julie, and your bandmates. You can still hear the music. Isn’t that enough to make it different than most nights?” Luke smiles slightly in spite of himself. “You’re right. I apologize.” He looks at Y/N with an obviously feigned pout that makes her giggle.

Y/N considers the red plastic cup in her hands, then looks at Luke through eyes that have suddenly turned serious. “Luke, I’ve been wanting to talk to you for a while now about something.” Luke nods slowly. “Shoot.” Y/N sighs, letting her words spill out in a flood as if letting them churn inside her head for a second longer would’ve drowned her. “I love you, Luke. I think I have for a while now.”

All Luke can do is stand there. Is this really happening? He wants to look around for the distraction, for the inevitable interruption that always seems to happen whenever he tries to confess his feelings to her. This can’t be real. Why would she ever feel the same way about him? Luke comes back to reality when he realizes that Y/N isn’t looking at him with the same expression. In fact, she seems far sadder than normal. Her voice is barely above a whisper. “Do you not have anything to say?”

Luke’s eyes widen. “What? No, that’s not- not what I meant.” The door to the room opens, and Alex and Reggie bound inside, laughing. Y/N flinches when she hears them come in. “I guess I know how you feel. I think I’m going to go.” Luke reaches out his arm to her, panicked. “Wait! I-” She’s not listening anymore, already turning to leave.

#6: The one time he actually does

Reggie and Alex glance at her, then turn their attention back to him. Reggie throws an arm around his shoulders, and Alex does the same. “Hey, guess what! Flynn thinks we should perform again. Come on, we’ve got everything set up.” Luke shakes his head, trying in vain to see where Y/N went. “I can’t, I’ve got to talk to Y/N. I think I really messed up.”

Reggie rolls his eyes, grinning. “You can talk to her later. Come on! We have to go. Are you really going to give up a chance to play with the band?” Luke looks at his friend apologetically. “Yeah, I think I am. Sorry, but I have to go.” With that, he shrugs off his friend’s arms, diving out of the room.

It takes him a while to find Y/N. He poofs in and out of different rooms, searching for the girl he loves. After a minute or two, he finds her. She’s standing alone in the garden out back, staring at the flowers with an expression that looks all shades of blue. She glances up when she sees Luke poof into existence next to her.

“Look, you don’t have to say anything. I shouldn’t have told you that, we should have stayed friends. You don’t have to come cheer me up, Luke.” Luke shakes his head. “I don’t want us to be friends.” Y/N looks taken aback. “What?” Luke just grins. “I love you, Y/N. I don’t want to be friends because I love you. I’ve been trying to confess for ages now but people keep interrupting me.” Y/N stares. “What? Then why didn’t you say anything when I told you?”

Luke grimaces. “Honestly, I’m not quite sure why. I think I was just so surprised that I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t realize how it would look until you left.” Y/N laughs, slight incredulity starting to tint her smile. “You’re serious? You really do love me?” Luke flashes her a grin. “Really do. Have since the moment I met you. I’m just glad that you love me back, or I would have been trying to confess many, many more times.” Is this really working out? Luke’s not sure what kind of cosmic luck he must have, but Y/N actually likes him back. Well, maybe the sixth time’s the charm for telling someone you love them.

#luke patterson #luke patterson imagine #luke patterson x reader #luke patterson imagines #jatp #jatp imagine #jatp x reader #jatp imagines #luke jatp #luke jatp imagine #luke jatp x reader #luke jatp imagines #julie and the phantoms #julie and the phantoms imagines #julie and the phantoms x reader #julie and the phantoms imagine #julie and the phantoms luke

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canary3d-obsessed · 4 years

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Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 16 part one

(Masterpost of All the Recaps) (Canary’s Pinboard)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes

All righty, this one is going to be a laff riot...not. Let's do it.

The first half of this episode is like a beautifully executed standalone tragedy, while also threading together all sorts of themes and paying off all sorts of relationship building that's happened in the previous episodes. My hat is off to the writers, while I also shake a fist at them for making me cry an unreasonable amount.

We’re Sailing on a Strange Boat

The episode starts right off absolutely DESTROYING me with the Yunmeng brothers holding hands, fingers interlaced, in the first of many hand-touching moments that punctuate the episode.

Jiang Cheng has to be pretty far gone to accept this degree of comfort and tenderness. I think, from their positions, he is also holding Yanli's hand out of the camera's view.

Zidian finally lets the trio go, and they immediately turn the boat around and head back to Lotus Pier. Wei Wuxian gets the clever idea to turn the benches into makeshift oars but nobody gets the clever idea to use magic to push the boat like they do literally every other time they are in a boat.

Their emotional need to go back to Lotus Pier is understandable, but they are being disobedient and irresponsible by doing it. Jiang Cheng is the future of the clan, and should not risk his life, particularly after his mother chose to sacrifice herself to protect him and after both of his parents told him to go hide with his sister and personal bodyguard brother.

On the other hand, Jiang Fengmian, as clan leader, probably had a duty to go into hiding himself rather than go home to die romantically, so his authority is questionable at this point. Anyway, this is the Jiang Clan, they get to kind of do what they want, except when that pisses Jiang Cheng off.

Lotus Pier Massacre

Back at Lotus Pier, the Wens are kicking Jiang ass. The fight choreography is pretty good, taking full advantage of walkways, railings, pools, and other features of the environment.

Using the set this way always makes fights feel more kinetic and real, as opposed to simply sparring in an open area.

(more after the cut)

Yu Ziyuan is fighting adequately with a sword, having given her preferred weapon to her son. She's clearly been at it for a while, and is tiring; the Wen soldiers are starting to land more and more sword blows but no critical hits yet.

Wen Zhuliu is kicking ass and possibly melting cores, although we don't see him do it to anybody yet. Later we'll hear from Jiang Cheng that he crushed the cores of his parents, but it's not clear when that happens.

Sixth young master replays Jiang Fengmian's entire archery lesson in his head while he waits, and waits, for Wen Zhuliu to finish strangling a dude the right moment to shoot an arrow at Wen Zhuliu.

Homicidal tart Wang Lingjiao notices him lining up a shot, strolls over, and stabs him in the back while he's still thinking about what Jiang Fengmian said. One could wish that JFM's archery lessons weren't quite so wordy.

Wang Linjao normally doesn't carry a sword because of her low spiritual power, but apparently can use one just fine when she's killing kids.

If you start feeling like this episode is unreasonably painful, just think of it as building up calluses so you can handle Yi City when the time comes.

Jiang Fengmian to the Rescue

Jiang Fengmian shows up very far past the nick of time, although he is not actually useful, so it's questionable whether arriving earlier would have helped. But his wife is glad to see him.

Netflix subtitles say that Jiang Fengmian calls Yu Ziyuan "My Lady!" which sounds courtly and romantic in English. His actual words are "San Niangzi" which hunxi-gullai breaks out here. I might render this as "lady wife!" rather than "my lady" but I don't think English really has a perfect equivalent.

Jiang Fengmian sails across the courtyard, knocking down a few Wen soldiers and becoming a young, slender man in the process.

I mean, come on, that stunt double does not look like a boxy middle-aged man from any angle.

The Dying Bit

The episode splits up the big death scene for dramatic effect but I'm recapping it all together to keep things simple.

Within moments of arriving, Jiang Fengmian gets shanked by Wen Zhuliu like Scatman Crothers in The Shining (or Groundskeeper Willie in The Shinning).

Wen Zhuliu stops a Wen soldier from finishing JFM off, just so that a different Wen soldier can deliver the killing blow from the back, which is kinda harsh. With all this spin-fighting there is probably not an implication of cowardice when someone dies from a stab in the back, but still. Too rude, Wen Zhuliu.

Yu Ziyuan sees Jiang Fengmian fall, and after having a moment of sorrow and despair, she stabs herself in the heart, falls down, crawls to him and interlaces her hand with his. He revives just enough to give her hand a squeeze and say "San Niangzi" one last time before dying.

She dies next, with a smile on her face at the end. The soundtrack plays that amazing "horribly emotional death scene" music that isn't one of the tracks available on the OST, argh. This same music appears at the end of Xue Yang's story.

Of the many things I love about the Untamed, the complexity of all the minor characters is possibly my favorite. These two people suck at parenting, and suck at being married, and ultimately suck at protecting and leading their clan, making stupid, selfish choices at every step of the building conflict.

And then they have this incredibly romantic death scene, in which they both face the inevitability of failure, and find comfort in failing together. Yet their death scene is totally in keeping with who we know them to be, and who they are to each other; the drama doesn't cheat by making them ideal lovers or great people at the end. But they have a great, great moment.

Jiang Yanli, waiting in the woods while her brothers are presumably running toward Lotus Pier, drops her lotus pendant, which is made of the loudest jade ever discovered, and it breaks with a crash.

Yanli, who is a well educated young lady, knows a moment of doomy symbolism when she sees it.

Jiang Yanli: Who put a giant rock out here in the woods? What are the odds I’d drop my pendant directly on it?

It’s all Over Except for the Crying, Running and Choking

The brothers climb up on the roof and are shocked to see nothing but Wen soldiers and piled up Jiang corpses...

...including one child who is either about to become a zombie or who is being played by a young actor who can't control their curiosity, judging by the way this eye is sneakily opened while the camera is running.

There's a moment where Jiang Cheng is saying they must have spared his parents, they must be okay, where Wei Wuxian's face is just...wow. You can see right here the gulf in life experience between these two.

Wen Zhuliu roams around looking troubled while searching for more people to kill. He’s an interesting villain; someone who believes his loyalty to his boss makes him a good guy, but knows his boss is a bad guy.

Then we are treated to a hell of a camera move, where it tracks over Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian together on the floor, heroic in death and still holding hands, and then sweeps up to show their killers sitting on the lotus throne.

The dead couple were at odds for their whole lives together, while the evil people who killed them are acting like devoted lovebirds. It's a stunning shot and a terrific thematic contrast. When Wei Wuxian eventually comes to take his vengeance, he will spend some time turning Wen Chao and Wang Lingjiao against each other, before ending them.

The camera shows us JC's reaction, then shows his mother, then WWX’s reaction, then JF; each reacting to the death of the person who loved them. Some folks may feel that Jiang Fengmian actually did love Jiang Cheng but was just bad at showing it. But Jiang Cheng doesn't think so, and I don't think it's a given that parents love their children.

Side note: Macroexpression king Wang Zhuocheng is able to open his eyes so far that a giant strip of white shows above his irises, and keep them like that, which is quite a trick. Try it yourself.

Meanwhile Wang Lingjiao and Wen Chao gossip about YZY and JFM's bad marriage. Wen Chao admires YZY's beauty, and Wang Lingjiao insults her character, and announces that she's going to stab YZY's body a few extra times. Jiang Cheng briefly faints at this, taking a page from Wei Wuxian's book, and rolls off the roof.

Run Run Away

Both young men run, and run, and run away from Lotus Pier while Wen Chao and Wang Lingjiao mistreat the bodies of Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan

The stabbing happens off camera, because it's ok to stab a live child on camera, but not a dead adult. (As always, there are cultural reasons for "what's ok" in any country, and I'm not saying anybody's wrong about these choices).

Wen Chao follows this up with pouring a cup of wine across their faces. He does this in the style of a libation for the dead, but as a desecration, combining mistreatment of bodies with profaning a ceremonial rite. In a world where ghosts are real and have sharp fingernails, this is deeply, deeply stupid.

Yu Ziyuan’s actress Zhang Jingtong is able to have liquid poured INTO HER EAR without flinching. Mad props.

The brothers eventually finish running and arrive in a field with an extreme purple photo filter on it. Which I've done my best to remove for these gifs, with variable results.

Jiang Cheng wants to turn around and go back to Lotus Pier. He says he wants to retrieve his parents’ bodies and to take revenge, but he's devastated and it seems likely he just wants to die with everyone else.

Wei Wuxian pleads with Jiang Cheng to calm down and stay safe, while Jiang Cheng gives himself over to anger and shock as the brothers shout at each other.

Punching and running ensues, and Wei Wuxian tries to hold his brother back, grabbing him around the shoulders him in a gesture that painfully echoes the many hugs he's given over the years.

This time Jiang Cheng doesn't just push him off. He turns around and chokes his brother for nearly a full minute, while screaming at him and blaming him.

Just as when Madame Yu beat him, Wei Wuxian doesn't fight back; he pulls on Jiang Cheng's wrists but doesn't hit him or try to break his hold.

Finally Jiang Cheng lets him go, and cries out for everyone he's lost, while Wei Wuxian weeps silently next to him. Eventually they fall asleep in the grass together, their bodies curled up in the form of a heart.

Damn, this episode really brings it.

Side Note: during their argument, Wei Wuxian says, among other things, that "revenge is a dish best served cold," according to subtitles. It's a French saying from the 1800s so it's probably not precisely what Wei Wuxian is saying. More importantly, as a longtime Star Trek fan I can't help but hear James Kirk yelling "KHAN!!!!!" whenever I encounter that phrase.

There’s Got To Be A Morning After

When they wake up in the morning, Jiang Cheng is still in his feelings, but now his feelings have moved along to despair, from anger.

I feel bad for noticing how handsome they both look in this scene. Let's all feel bad about this together.

Jiang Cheng is free to have this level of emotional breakdown because Wei Wuxian is there keeping his own shit together and focusing on what matters.

When Jiang Cheng refuses to get up, Wei Wuxian reminds him, very, very gently, that they have a sister, who has waited all night to know what happened.

At this, Jiang Cheng gets up, but won't look at Wei Wuxian, continuing to blame him for everybody else's actions, as he walks onward to find Yanli.

Wei Wuxian follows, hurt and bereft, as he gets to work internalizing everything that he's being accused of. This is good practice for his future as a widely reviled bogeyman.

Part two will be slightly less awful! Coming soon!

#fytheuntamed #the untamed #the untamed gifs #the untamed meta #wei wuxian #jiang cheng #restless rewatch the untamed #canary3d-original #my gifs #yu ziyuan #wen zhuliu #jiang fengmian

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popculturebuffet · 3 years

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Ducktales: The Treasure of the Lost Lamp Movie Reviewcap! (Patreon Stretch Goal)

Hello all you happy people! And we have a special review today for two reasons. The first is that this is my second patreon stretch goal review, having hit the 15 dollar goal back in march thanks to my wonderful friend Emma, the same patreon whose responsible for the Green Eggs and Ham Reviews, who helped me hit the 15 dollar goal. As a result you fine people are getting three movie reviews each based on a Disney Afternoon Movie with Treasure of the Lost Lamp today, a goofy movie at the end of the motnh for a weeklong tribute to my favorite dogmandadguy. Extremley was going to be part of it but the length of this review convinced me otherwise, but I will be doing it this summer so keep an ear out. If you want to help me hit my next stretch goals do yourselve a favor and zip on over to my patreon YOU CAN FIND MY PATREON HERE. My next stretch goal at “OH Look 20 Dollars” would give everyone patreon and not, a monthly review of Darkwing Duck as decided by my patrons, reviews of BOTH season 2 mini series from Ducktales 87, introducing Fenton to the world and blighting it with Bubba before the 2017 series fixed him, and as a brucey bonus added last month a review of Danny Phantom the Ultimate Enemy. And if that wasn’t enough if you help me get to the goal after that at 25 unlocks another trilogy of disney film reviews, this time for the proud family and recess movie and the best kim possible movie, and dcom period, so the drama as well as Bryan Lee O’ Malley’s two stand alone graphic novels, lost at sea and seconds for you Scottaholics in the audience.

The other reason now the shilling’s done. is that the plan WAS to review this back to back with Treasure of The Found Lamp, to the point the orginal review had a whole thing about that, why it was delayed etc... but now that review’s been scrapped all together as something sudden and wonderful happened. After just kinda giving up someone came through with a translation of Della’s first apperance so presumibly i’ll be doing that as part of the build up to mother’s day, and since I still want ot do maternal instincts too, and already had to let the Floyd Gottfredson birthday special slide away as well... it had to go as I want to leave the only open space on the schedule for the lovely person who found the story for me. But this review is still done, i’m very proud of it so join me under the cut won’t you?

Behind The Scenes: Before I get into it i’d just like to note this article from SyFy Wire. It , along with articles I found via wikipedia citations, was an invaluable resource.

The film was an experiment: It was an experiment to see if one of their tv properties could bring in theatrical money, to see if a movie made on a cheaper budget and still rake in decent money, to see if a film could be made being outsourced to several diffrent places, and to see what one of those places, their recently aquiried french stuido, could handle this kind of work.

The film, if succesful would be the first of Disney’s MovieToons line, a series of films based on their shows. As you can tell by the fact only this movie and Goof Troop happened and the Movie Toons label wasn’t applied to that one it very much failed. While the film was warmly recevied by people who liked the show general audiences didn’t turn out for it. As a result the MovieToons label was scrapped, future projects with it were canceled.. but the stellar work put in by the french stuidio lead to it perserviering for several more decades and lead to them working on the Goofy Movie, which we’ll get to later this month but needless to say was a MUCH bigger hit with a much bigger budget.

As for why the film failed... I have two theories. THe first is that parents were stupid back then and didn’t want to pay to see something on the big screen they could see on tv’s. This is a stupid mentality to me as generally a movie of a tv show puts in a ton of extra effort and usually goes bigger and dosen’t go home. It’s a likely theory given most liscened films of the era didn’t do quite well, with all three hasbro films tanking. And look I get Transformers the Movie is cheesy and killed a lot of people’s childhood toys, but damn if it ain’t aweosme.. and also something I need to cover at some point. Thankfully this died out by later in the 90′s with Rugrats getting a hugely succesful if flawed film, a better sequel and a third one that was also a crossover with the wild thornberries.

And even now in 2020 we’re getting the Loud House and Rise of the TMNT movies sometimes this summer, we were SUPPOSED to have gotten the bobs burgers movie this summer but arne’t because Disney is being a dick about it.

And we got a phineas and ferb movie last year. With this trend hopefully thsi means we’ll get a Ducktales 2017 movie at some point since season 4 left a huge sequel hook laying right there to grab for a feature film. One final note: The film was conceptually thought up as a 5 part serial like “Treasure of the Golden Suns”, “Catch as Cash Can”, “SuperDucktales” and “Time is Money, something that DOES show as the movie weirdly has act breaks. In a feature film. Yup.

The Guest Cast:

I won’t go into the full cast since I’ve sung Alan Young and Russi Taylor’s praises PLENTY on this blog before, and I plan to go into Beakly and Launchpad’s actors when they show up in the pilot movie. But i’d be remiss if i didn’t talk about our three guest actors for our three new parts.

First up is Merlock voiced by legend and if I had a hall of fame, hall of famer Christopher Lloyd.. I need to get me one of those. Lloyd is of course known for playing Doc Brown in back to the future but has done countless other films, voicework, and other good stuff. Among his MASSIVE filmography includes The Back to the Future Trilogy (Already mentioned it but it bears repeating), Star Trek III, Who Framed Roger Rabbit as the pants destroyingly terrifying Judge Doom, The Addams Family duology as fester, a role rip torn would ironcially play for the animated series made to captalize on said movie, Hey Arnold! The Movie, The Oogieloves in The Big Ballon Adventure (Look everybody needs money sometimes okay?), and Art of the Deal: The Movie, which was not, thankfully an ego filating nightmare made by trump himself but a film made by funny or die parodying his terrible book and having Llloyd return as Doc Brown. TV Wise he’s known for Taxi, Back to the Future the Animated Series, Cyberchase and he most recently popped up on Big City Greens. How I missed that ep I.. do know as I haven’t watched season 2. Gonna fix that later this month. Lloyd is utterly awesome, a great guy and thankfully still alive at the time of this writing, so I was happy to have him here.

Less familiar to me but still known is Rip Taylor, a comedian known for his flamboyant unique way of speech and his marvelous mustache. He showed up in things occasionally and always seemed like the nicest guy and his passing in late 2019 truly is sad. He does a terrific job here but more on that in a moment.

Finally we have Richard Libertini, a comedian I never really saw in anything besides this who according to IMDB was most famous for his ablility to do a foreign accent. I REALLY hope all of them aren’t as horribly racist as this one. We’ll.. get to that in a sec as it’s time for the plot!

A Treasure Uncovered:

We open our film gorgeously. The animation is great in the film, having some rough edges I chalk up to the film’s hectic production, the studio being new at working at disney properties, and the film not being meant for HD. That being said a few rough spots here and there aside.. the film looks ungodly gorgeous. Like most theatrical films based on a cartoon it takes an already great style and makes it look great. It feels like a more fluid evolution of the cartoons look and it’s a shame we didn’t get more movies in this style for both this show and others, ESPECIALLY Darkwing Duck. Can you imagine a Darkwing Duck movie with this lush animation? Hopefully we’ll get one eventually.

So our heroes are going to somewhere in the Middle East. That’s.. that’s all wikipedia gives me and all the film gives me. As usual Scrooge is after treasure in this case the Treasure of Collie Baba, the greatest thief there ever was based obviously off Ali Baba from 1001 nights and that one Beastie Boys song.

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It’s here we find the WORST thing about the film, the thing that makes this a hard one to watch depsite otherwise being pretty good, and that makes my skin crawl knowing i’m a white man and a BUNCH of white guys, Ducktales series creator who did the voice casting for this character, the writers who wrote him, the direector disney them fucking selves who thought this was okay.

The film has some horrible steroytping. It starts with a bunch of backgorund guys surronding Scrooge, with crooked teeth and steotypical voices. This on it’s own is odious.

It somehow gets worse. Then we meet one of our antagonists. We meet Dijon.

This Fucking Guy

Djon is horribly offensive reminding me of other such luminaries in being ungodly offensive yet somehow getting put to film as Jar Jar Binks (With all respeect to his poor actor Ahmed Best, this is not his fault), Rob Schinder as a Sterotypically asian preist, Skids and Mudflap, Rob Schinder as a sterotypically mexican bandit, The Whitewashed cast of The Last Airbender, and Rob Schinder as a stereotypically asian preist. What i’m saying is Djon is an AWFUL, horribly offensive character.. and that Rob Schinder should be shot up into space, not to watch cheesy movies, he’s not funny enough for that, but instead to be sent to a satlitie that’s liveable, but also filled to the brim with spring loaded boxing gloves. Just tons of boxing gloves that feel like getting punched by a heavewight boxer all hidden... they could hit his legs, his face, his nuts, his face and his nuts, the point is he’s in constnat pain unless he moves carefully.

And lest you think i’m exaggerating for starters this is his design.

It just screams “vaugely but sterotpyically middle eastern” along with cowardly. The fact he’s also a literal rat is just the icing on the cake made of broken glass, shrapnel and broken DVD’s of Transformers; Revenge of the Fallen. They say if you eat a reveng eof the fallen dvd John Tutoro appears at the foot of your bed and watches you while you sleep.. and by they I mean me. It was a bad bet. I got rid of him with some insese and a bribe of five dollars.

Oh but that’s just design.. when he talks it’s MUCH worse. His voice is like if they took Apu from the simpsons and said “This but MORE offensive”, and his perosnality is WORSE. He’s a thief.. and not in the endearing loveable rogue way but he’s a pick pocket and a running “Gag’ is that he’ll often grab eveyrthing within reahc. As the deisgn shows he’s a coward running at every opportunity. Oh and to top it all off he’s the willing servant of the white coded, given all ducks in this series are white coded and voiced bby white actors, big bad. And the actor is naturally VERY white to make this cocktail of offensivness so complete that if Disney ever got rid of this film I GUARANTEE the republcian party would be running in with accusations of cancel culture gone amok and never shutting up about this like they did the muppets. Which for the record THEY DIDN’T CANCEL THEM, YOUR POINT IS ILLEGITMATE, THEY JUST WANTED TO BE SENSTIVE YOU GHOULS.

I do have a reason for bringing up Disney’s content warnings... most damming of all given just how DEEPLY uncomfortbale this character is.. there isn’t one for this movie. I double checked: There isn’t even wanring notes on the website. It’s just.. on there. And given just how ghastly a sterotype Djon is.. that’s not right. Seriously they DID put them on certain episodes of the show, theyk now this sort of thing is wrong and they done wrong.. but for NO reason they haven’t done so for a film released 31 years ago. Around the same time as the series and just offensive as that show at it’s worst if not more so. This is flatly inexcusable.. par for the course for Disney’s incompetence but still horribly furstrating, disgusting and shameful.. which has been the theme of the last three days really. I expect better because when it comes to putting that warning label on this stuff, they usually are better. First the scheduling mixup and now this. You already do a handful of things wrong Disney why add this to the list?!

It’s just draining not only to run into another Disney Fuckup after a weekend of dealing with one of their worst in recent memory, but just to watch Djon. To see this horrible caractrure saunter onto the screen and go on with his harmful schtick, to see that THIS is what Ducktales 87 reduced non white people to more often than not. It’s remarkable just how throughly and awesomely Frank and Matt completely and totally reversed this. Instead of horrible sterotypes in the reboot, we got TONS of loveable people of color, an endearing latino hero, a smart african american buisness woman who takes no shit but is still a consumate professional, and an egyptian HERO with an intresting story and a strong moral code instead of this horrible reminder that racisim in media was such an afterthought not ONE person brought this up during the scyfy wire stuff or in any inteview i’ve seen. No one cared. Djon was POPULAR enough that he got three episode sin the series. THREE FUCKING EPISODES. This film could be GOOD.. but it’s just so bogged down EVERY FUCKING TIME this artists interpreitation of what Tucker Carlson sees when he looks at a middle eastern person I had to pause to compose myself and had to take a break writing this review to avoid tyiping this in all caps and using the phrase YOU RACIST MOTHERFUCKERS every other sentence. And again i’m white, I get this is second hand offensiveness.. I do... but it dosen’t mean I can’t be offended other white people were so callous about other cultures behaviors this happened.

And what makes me feel worse.. is that I just sorta... never thought about white people voicing non white characters. Things like this I noticed sure, I realize now part of the reason I didn’t like this movie the first time I saw it was this alex jones version of a looney tune, but I do feel shame for not noticing or caring long before this. Sure I loved it when a character of color got played by a person of color.. but I didn’t realize just how deep that problem was and how LONG it went on for before the outcry post george floyd and the call to action lead to most shows still going course correcting. It’s why stuff like this extra botehrs me: because THIS was just as okay at the time. No one blinked twice about this and odds are the creators involved still haven’t. And that.. that’s just terrible and it hurts to think about and I still have most of the movie to go.

The Pyramid of Peril:

So we do get a gorgeous unvewling scene of a box Scrooge found out about from Collie Baba’s horde that should lead them to the treasure. This scene reminds me of Indina Jones.. and I bring this up because the poster was specifically made to mimick an indinia jones poster, to the point of getting drew struzan to do it. THe creator of Ducktales objected..l but I do not get WHY. While I”m not sure if he had yet, Speilberg flat out admits the Carl Barks comics were an inspiration for Indina Jones, with the iconic bolder chase coming from a similar scene in one of Barks Stories. Gotta cover that too. So yeah I don’t get not wanting an indina jones style poster when both were inspiried by the same work and it’s just simple logic and it looks so neat. Thank you.

Scrooge finds seemingly just clothes.. and a map. Jeff Dunham’s Most Racist Puppet reports to his master, Merlock. Merlock is a.. meh villian. Christopher Lloyd does try.. but Lock is your standard evil overlord wants to take over the world type. He dosen’t have much depth, or personality and only his style saves him from dragging the film down along with Dana Carvey’s most racist disguise in master of disguise. He does have a deent shape shifting gimick and being played by Christopher Lloyd means he’s acted TREMENDOUSLY. Alan Young was apparently in awe watching him work and that’s wonderful to hear. The guy did his best. Weirdly Merlock would show up in tons of other works, mostly video games.. but even weirder he NEVER showed up in ducktales 2017. Both Djon and Gene would, Djon thankfully renamed we’ll get to all of that tommorow thank god. I need it after this. But Frank has outright said they didn’t use Merlock because there simply wasn’t anything they could do with him they couldn’t dow ith magica. My likely guess is the might of found a way to revamp him EVENTUALLY, it’s not like radical revamps weren’t there thing come on, they just had way more stories with Magica and didnd’t get around to it before the show was canceled. Just make him some sort of evil god or something. it’s what I might do. There’s a lot of angles with him. Though I would’ve still gotten christopher lloyd back. I mean most of the recasting is good but he’s still alive and deserved a better shot at things.

So Merlock sends Djonn to go with scrooge as his guide to find the treasure, as there’s something of imense power within it. And I gotta ask WHY does Merlock need a minon. No really. This isn’t a situation like reboot magica where he’s trapped in another realm. He can shapeshift into any animal. We only see him use falcon, rat, cockroach and bear but theoritically he can become anything and bear alone is still a LOT. Why does he need this sterotype even other sterytopes ar eashamed of? The film dosen’t NEED Djonn. Just let Christopher Lloyd monologue and leave this post 911 propogranda cartoon at home.

So our heroes nad rejected jar jar prototype head into the desert, and seemingly find nothing before finding a small pyramid all while Merlock follows desecretley as a mighty hawk.

Scrooge makes the boys and Djon dig... because they clearly forgot the “work hard” part of his ethos.

Our heroes unveil the pyramid... and while Merlock SAYS he searched the desert and I get it’s hard to see thourgh all of that.. the dude is immortal, had decades to search and had Mickey Rooney there on standby to force him to go comb the desert. I have an artist rendering of that hang on

So our heroes enter the pyramid and it goes.. really how you’d expect: there’s a bunch of traps our brave explorers have to pass, the boys minintpret a juinor woodchuck saying about loosing your marbles to mean using the ones they actually have which geninely comes in handy as they trip the traps and Rob SChinder as a carrot stumbles into one. Also launchpad is wearing a hawaiin shirt and shades. This has no baring on the plot, but it does bring the movie up a notch in my book and I question why the reboot never used this outfit. Then again they also never properly used Donald’s Quack Pack Outfit (Which bad show or not, is objectively awesome), or his Quack Shot Indiana Jones Riff Outfit, so it’s not like there isn’t a presdecnt for not giving a character a cool costume change from a previous medium. I really should do a top 12 missed opportunities list for the 2017 cartoon.. the ideas for stuff are really piling up.

OUr heroes eventually find the treasure which has insidiously clever security the more I think about it: at first I thought it had none, just a pit with some... scorpions? I mean their supposed to be but they look like they crawled out of the same stygian hole in the sky Doofus crawled out of. And if your asking me “wait which Doofus” the answer is both. Both these abominations crawled out of a stygian hole in the sky.

But the treasure is on a platform surrounded by scoprions with the only way out being the trap filled way they came in. Unless someone comes in with a full team and a bunch of lootin sacks, they aren’t getting out with EVERYTHING. They can steal SOME of the treasure but there’s no way to get any signifigant portion... and the team thing itself is an issue, something Collie defintely predicted being a thief himself: while some thieves can work well as a team, hence why we have four oceans movies 3/4 damn good, and for the record 12 is the bad one, 8 is how you do a soft reboot and a female led reboot right, a good chunk of professional crooks will turn on each other or try and swinldle... and tha’ts dangerous in a trap filled temple but hey some criminals ain’t so smart. If they all were Rudy Gulliani wouldn’t have two razzies for preparing to pull his pants down, and have waved his phone around on tv like a dare for future adminstrations to arrest the shit out of him would he?

But Scrooge has his family so they get loading. But not before Webby finds the lamp. Not knowing about it Scrooge has no intrest in it, but Webby does. We also get a really simple but hilarious gag where SCrooge dickers over the idea for a second.. before Webby picks up a Jeweled tiara to possibly take instead. The best gags to me are often the ones that just let the character’s perosnalities take the lead and bounce off each other. It’s why when I reviewed the four lilo and stitch crossovers recently I harped on character interaction as their biggest weakness: it’s what MAKES a good work for me. It’s why my faviorite comics and shows often follow a loveable group of disfunctional misfits. I like a group of big personalities who despite in theory should NOT be able to work making it work anyway. And it’s honeslty what’s made Scrooge last so long: Scrooge on his OWN is awesome.. but iwth the boys, donald, and in the case of this series and the reivival Webby and Launchpad, with people to bounce off of who he contrasts heavily with, from Launchapd’s buffonery to Webby’s inehrent sweetness in both versions, to the boys genuine honesty and sense of adventure.... it makes him truly stand out. He’s a great character on his own, don’t get me wrong.. but it’s the people around him that give him chances to show WHY. A good character on it’s own is fine and dandy.. a good character with other good characters around them is where it gets truly special.

Merlock naturally bursts in and in a VERY Black Heron move needlesly outs what micheal bay sees when he closes his eyes as a bad guy... no really he grabs the guy with his talons as he captures the treasure and reveals he’s a bad guy. I don’t even get why keep Djonn alive. He’s done all Merlock possibly could’ve needed and Merlock is ruthless... this makes no sense and only happens because they need Djonn for later in the plot.

Our heroes barely escape, rafting out on the platform itself in a thrilling sequence.. but it’s the one right after that catches my attention. Scrooge utterly defeated, having searched for this treasure for forty years and unresponsive to everyone else. The anmation, coupled with the incomprable Alan young’s acting makes this the highlight of the film for me. Beneath the armor of wealth and skill.. is only a poor old man who just lost something he’s been chasing after most of his life. Scrooge tries his hardest not to be vunerable and both shows and the original comics all use that so when he truly is devistated like this, and i’ts belivible since this treasure is a personal goal of his and as someone who has had things that they seek out specifically, loosing them always hurts. It hurts to ALMOST reach a goal only to have it crumble out under you

But while this alone is good.. what’s next makes it great. Webby sweetly offers up the lamp. Scrooge turns it down, and her genuine gesture reinvgorates him and reminds us of who he is “I’ll find it if it takes another 40 years”> Scrooge may be bitter, mean and selfish a lot of the time.. but deep down, he’s a good man and one who will not give up, and a momentary setback can only stop him so long as long as he has his family to remind him of who he truly is.. and what’s truly important. It’s genuinely sweet and to me is also a reminder of why 87 Webby is a good character: Shes’ not perfect, her main personality trait is often Girl Sterotype”.. but she’s a genuinely sweet small child with a huge heart. It’s telling that while 17′ Webby is almost completely diffren,t and far better, that heart remains her biggest strength. Sure her reboot self could kill a man nad no one would ever find the body, but it’s her heart and empathy that makes that possible and makes her Webby. That inherent loving nature is what makes Webby webby wether she’s a toddler having a tea party or a tween getting ready to intergoate a guy with a meat tenderizer while saying ‘Cute girl stuff”.

Gene Genie Let’s Himself Go:

It’s a few days later and this is the point where it REALLY becomes obvious this was written as a bunch of episodes. Though to the film’s credit while it does ake this feel like a compliation movie as a result... it dosen’t hamper the film’s quality, condiment from Rush Limbaghs’ hot dog stand does that just fine, but once you notice it it’s impossible to unotice it. Weirdly though it seems chunked up into four episodes rather than the usual five, likely cutting down an episode, though I can’t see where they cut out material frankly if they did and i’ts just as likely they woudl’ve had to make one to fill in the space.

So Scrooge is in a mood, being grumpy with his secretary Mrs. Featherly, quackfaster in all but name, and having to be sent home. So while Duckworth goes to fetch him Webby polishes her treasure at long last readying for a tea party, something the boys roundly reject because their sexist little twits and swo were the writers or executies who assumed all little boys act the same. It’s easily my biggest pet peeve with the series as a whole: anytime this crops up with the boys it turns them into the worst dicks imaginable. It’s telling this, being mean about her wantin ga tea party with her surrogate brothersi s TAME. Normally they’ll say she can’t do things because she’s a girl or mock her hobies outright instead of just be mildly dickish. And while she dosen’t look much younger Webby is VERY CLEARLY, in this series anyway, supposed to be say 5 or 6 to the boys 8-10. 7 at most. SHe’s a small child and while it is realistic for older kids to bully younger ones, it’s not fun to watch. It’s why I get annoyed at all the big sibling bully characters.. some work, but most aren’t fun to watch because there’s nothing funny or intresting about it. It’s the same deal here.

Thankfully that quickly goes away as the lamp moves when Webby rubs it and does so again to prove it did move. Huey finishes it and we’re introduced to Gene, the best part of the film. Gene is a Genie and he takes a second to dart around before messing with the appliances in the kitchen, as he was last around during the time 1001 Nights Came About. Cleverly though, and so we thankfully don’t have 80 dozen fishout of water jokes that have already been done before. As you can probably guess i’m not a huge fan of time travel fish out of water stuff. Now from another dimensoin or planet, i’m on board with with Star Vs, Steven Universe and Sym-Bionic Titan being great examples of this, as is the comic resident alien. (Despite having the wonderous Alan Tuduk the show sounds way more mean spirited and misses the entire point of the comic as given by the author in the credits, i.e. that the alien is supposed to NOT be a threat and just be gently waiting for a ride) The inverse is also good with Amphbia and owl house, taking a human and plopping them into our world. But time travel stuff just usually runs the same beats of “look at the shiny thing” and what not. The only time i’ve sene something SIMILAR work is with thor where their society is SIMILAR to vikings time but still it’s own thing.. it also gave us a classic gag in..

So yeah i’m glad they dropped this and instead had a clever way around it: Gene reads the encylopedia at the mansion. Granted it’s Scrooge so I don’t know how current it is and given this came out in 1990 thus HOW racist it is. It’s not a questoin of IF it was, but how much.

But having caught up the kids confront him with the fact he has to grant wishes. This lamp runs on what I now realize are Aladdin rules: Whoever currently holds the Lamp is the Genie’s master, they only get three wishes, and that dosen’t reset if it changes hands. The only big diffrence from the usual is Gene dosen’t have to TELL them about the wishes like Genie did, and Gene very begrudginly agrees to it. He also seem’s phsyically pained when doing so.

So since all 12 know about him, each of the kids gets a wish though it seems unfair with HDL. Their one person, they shoudln’t get 9 wishes just because their brain is spread out over three bodies.

This film continues the weird simliarties to Aladdin by attaching rules though they instead come up as a result of our heroes talking rather than the Genie just flat out tleling them: both share the “you can’t wish for more wishes” thing, a common rule in these stories and usually only broken nowadays as a clever twist as the rule is SO common place, not having it is a twist. But it is there for a reason: to limit the sheer power of a reality warping wish. The wishes can also only go so far. In a nice line, when Huey, Dewey or Louie suggests wishing for peace one earth, Gene says “No pipe dreams’ He can’t bend people or reality on THAT scale. He can bend reality as we find out, but it’s smaller scales like turning someone’s possesions over ot someone else, warping the bin into a castle, or bringing inanitamte objects to limited life. Still HUGE feats worth of a genie, so Gene’s power isn’t so nerfed it’s unusuable, but it does explain why his evil pervious ownder Merlock, more ont hat in a bit too, didn’t just wish to have eternal dominon over the earth or something. Gene can do just about anything but he can’t change the world on a fundemental level.

And I do LIKE having rules in wished based stories like this, I chalk it up to growing up with Fairly Odd Parents... though they eventually went too far in the oppsoitie direction, pulling rules out of their ass to suit the episode, instead of simply having some very standard, very understandable rules that still pose challenges but don’t outright cheat so the episode can happen.

So Webby does her first wish.. and wishes for a Baby Elephant, something Gene is against as he prefers they keep the wishes small: otherwise he gets found out, and the fight over him begins. So one of the boys wishes him away. Or Webby does. Point is it’s gone though not before Beakly sees it and Scrooge smells something is up. Our heroes try to hide gene, but gene thankfully simply dresses up like a modern kid and thus is able to pass as a friend of there staying for the night.

So with the rules established and what not the kids find a clever solution: they simply go a ways away from the mansion into the woods, far enough from town to avoid any suspcion, and same iwth the mansion and just wish for all kinds of stuff: a giant bunch of ice cream toys, standard kid wish fufillment but it’s nice... in part because the kids treat Gene like one of them. Wihle they STARTED asking him about the wishes, this starts the bonding process. Soon he will be part of the hive mind.. SOON.

Until then though after using another wish to make scrooge not mad at them for coming home late and missing dinner, that night we find out Gene’s backstory.... and it’s an utter tearjerker. As it turns out Merlock wants him back because he’s Gene’s former master and as you’d guess.. it was NOT a happy existnace, used contstnatly to do horrible things with no power to stop himself. Pompeii and Atlantis were both directly Merlock’s fault and it was only Collie Baba stealing the lamp that put an end to his hell. He also answers the two obvious questions botht he audeiince and the boys have: How the hell is Merlock still alive and shoudln’t he be out of wishes then? The first is simple. Unlike pretty much every DBZ Villian whose WANTED to do so, Merlock wished for immortality first chance he got, taking the Zamasu route instead and thus leaving him free.

As for the wishes thing it turns out his amulet, in adition to shapeshifting, also gives him extra wishes becuase fuck it.

But the boys sweetly offer to protect him.

The next day, Apu’s Cousin let’s Merlock know the maps in the mansion and Merlock has him help sneak in with Merlock taking rat form. This backfires as Mrs. Beakley notices the form and chases after him with a broom

Meanwhile Webby has her tea party with Gene after he and the boys played cops and robbers earlier, and he’s bored.. though nicely not because it’s a girly thing, but because the stuffed animals aren’t alive and she naively has him fix that. This leads to

Which sadly is jsut scrooge vs a duck toy but admit it, you want that movie for Disney Plus yesterday. Call Charles Band Disney. CALL CHARLES BAND!

Whelp Scrooge Still Sucks:

Scrooge takes for a turn for the obnoxious in the next part, but i’ts fine by me as it’s part of the plot. Naturally this reinactment of Cult of Chucky has lead to Scrooge finding out about the Genie. To his credit, Scrooge is tactical about his wishes. As said by the Duck himself “I could wish for a diamond, no the world’s biggest dimaond, no ten world’s biggest diamond, no a diamond mind, no the MINING INDUSTRY!”

The sheer power this gives him is TERRIFYING, both because of his status.. and because unlike the kids who all wished for simple kid stuff and used up their wishes quickly, he both gets how much he can do with this and could conquer the world economy if he truly wanted to.

The obnoxious part comes in as he treats Gene as not a person, figuring he’s just there and forces him into the lamp despite the kids protests after Gene grants his first wish: Collie Baba’s treasure. It also dosen’t feel like the wishing nor him using the lamp to get the tresure back goes against his hard work ethos: for the former while he is getting all this magically, he’s still having ot use his wits to get the most out of it, and he did earn the lamp itself square. For the latter, he already earned the treasure square too and had it stolen. He’s onlyg etting back what’s by all rights HIS. Granted he plans on giving most of it up for a tax break but still it’s his by right.

However the reason his assholery works is twofold: first it’s Scrooge. While he’s not a TERRIBLE person, in the comcis and this cartoon he isn’t a GOOD person either. He DOES have a good heart and will usually do the right thing, but his first instnct is always to get more money and to be a cantakerous old bastard to eveyrone and everything. While he’s subtly grew out of “I hate eveyrone and everyone hates me” as his guiding principal, it’s still his defualt reaction to most situations. But he first relents by letting Gene attend the party, part of why the Collie Baba thing stung so bad was that he’s told the historical society he’d get the treasure for years only to come back empty handed, if shrunken. But he still manages to have a good time while Asok and Merlock infiltrate.. well I’mRunningOutofINsultingNIcknamesCanYouTell steals the silverware. Yes... that.. that really happens.

Look we’re almost done, i’m almost free of this racist mummies curse. Let’s continue. Gene sees melock and freaks and drags SCrooge with him and while at First Scrooge is cranky...

No but now I want a Donkey Kong Country crossover too dammmit. And to talk about those games. Another thing for the list. But Scrooge is righ tot be a bit surly...

Okay now your just pushing it. As Gene whisked him away without telling him anything other than vauge worries... but then he gets a full idea of why Gene’s so terrified when Merlock shapeshifts into a bear and starts breaking the door down. Eh, could be worse.

Gene shrinks them to escape and Merlock leaves thinking they fled but leaves Skids Minus Mudflap to go look for them. Scrooge sneaks out but bumps into a cart running from the photo you see when you look up stereotype on google. I mean I assume.. let’s try it.

Huh you know I HOPED but I never expected...

So Google Proving My Point plans to give his lamp to the master because of his weird Torgo-Esque obession with helping a man who clearly wants to murder him but takes his sweet time doing so because plot, and Gene figuring this COULDN’T POSSIBLY go as bad as Melock getting him urges the dummy to keep him and make his own wishes.

This goes about as well as you’d expect....

Wiped Out With A Wish:

Scrooge returns home to find Watto has wished to take his poessions, fortune, everything and Scrooge gets thrown in jail for breaking into his own house. We get two great moments back to back. The first is Scrooge lamenting loosing his fortune in jail, and realizing the sheer power and risk of the lamp, especially since he worked hard to earn it, every bit of it.. and Sam Wilson’s 70′s Backstory came in and took it all in an instant.

The second is Scrooge’s family coming for him, including Launchpad , Beakly and Webby obviously and bailing him out. Though Beakly is UNGOLDLY annoying in this scene, sobbing hysterically and adding nothing and it’s not nearly as funny as the film thinks. Turns out Goliath getting buried wrapped in chains threw them out.

Scrooge takes a bit to rebound from all this.. but eventually realizes something: he knows the security of the bin inside and out. He had it put in after all. So it’d be easy enough to break in. So they gotta break in to break out the lamp, undo this nightmare, and END THIS MOVIE. Seriously this review has taken two days as is I do NOT want to miss my invincible review.

So they break into the bin, and it’s a tightly paced Scene, scrooge going in one way while the kids go the other and we even get a nice callback as the marbels come in handy to get past one of the traps. It’s just a good scene. it’s only real flaw is that Launchapd just sorta disappears as does Duckworth despite the fact their in a plane, and the bin later gets turned into a floating castle. Kinda a plot hole to not have Launchpad crash in to save htem just saying.

Scrooge eventually does get to Djonn, whose been ignoring the imminent threat of Merlock while Gene sweats it out... and this backfires horribly as Merlock hitched a ride as a roach (Though there was a hilarious scene of him getting fried constnatly by lasers when Louie went through a laser hallway, as while Louie had the directions, it dind’t take into account passengers on your head.

So Merlock remanifests in full gets the Lamp and unleashes his wrath on Tin Tin in the Congo and turns him into a wild pig.

Not you sweetie. He then forces Gene to turn the castle into a fortress and float it back to his home in parts unknown. It’s a DAMN cool scene with impressive and horrifiing animation as the bin melts and crumbles into thte castle and the kids barely make it up the stares as they shift and disolve. Really top notch stuff.

Scrooge stands up to Merlock... and this naturally goes poorlyw ith Gene begging Merlock not to respond.. and Merlock having him blow scrooge off the top of the forgtess storm eagle style, though scrooge understands. And this is the true reason why scrooge being a dick didn’t bother me so much. Because it helps create a great contrast between him and Merlock. Both thought of Gene as a tool rather than a person.. but Scrooge grew to realize he was wrong and what he was dealing with wasn’t some magical goodies creator.. but a child forced to constantly grant wishes, in sheer agony to do so no less, likely so sick of it because again and again and again people used him as a slave to get what they wanted and to hell with what Gene wanted. He realized he was terrible for making this poor boy into his slave simply because that’s his job. In contrast Merlock could give no shits and is a malevolent monster who glefully uses Gene despite the pain the wishes put him through and his protests. It’s why Gene is the best part.. he’s athroughly likeable, throughly inncoent character with tons of personality and a truly tragic and horrifying backstory and Rip Taylor acts the hell out of every scene with the guy.

Thankfully the marbles come in handy one last time and Huey, Dewey or Louie snipes the lamp away and a struggle for it insues between Scrooge and Merloc mid air. it’s fucking awesome.. and it get sbetter in how scroogewins. He simply gets rid of Merlock’s amulet, taking it then throwing it. Grante dhe COULD’EVE used it for unimited wishes.. but it was too risky to do that and as we’ll see in the ending , Scrooge realized the Lamp was too powerful to keep around for much longer and too much of a tempting target for his rogues.. not that we see them this movie as the crew wanted it to bea ccesaible and thus kept hte cast to the main cast from season 1 and just made new vilians and a new supporting character, but still.

He does use his second wish though to undue the damage Merlock had done and the bin and clan mcduck are returned to duckburg in good condition.

Time for our ending, which is genuinely and wholly touching. With the lamp too dangerous to use Scrooge considers just sending it to the earth’s core, which horrifies the kids as it’d mean Gene would be trapped there forever... if the molten lava iddn’t just outright destory the lamp and probably kill him. But Scrooge.. isn’t the bastard he likes to potray himself as. Instead he makes Gene into a real boy. He gives the poor kid HIS wish, which designrates the lamp and undoes all the spells... so Merlock is PROBABLY dead but he does return for some games so maybe not?

And so we end on two things: Gene happily playing cops and robbers with the boys finally free.. and Birth of A Nation grabbing all the loot he can in his patns and running off. Ha ha ha thank god i’m done with this prick. And no I will not be looking at his ducktales episodes unless I have to.

Final Thoughts:

This movie is OKAY. It has a solid plot, gene is a wonderful chacter, the animatoin is pretty prettay pretty good, and the voice acting as usual is excellent, with Rip Taylor being the standout.

But as my paragraphs of rage shoud’ve made Clear Djonn is just BAD. Easily the worst character i’ve encountered in my year of reviewing and some of the worst writing i’ve ran into. And that writing includes a goblin man voyerstically forcing two teenagers to make out, making jokes about santa renaming himself Clem the sceneafter he tearfully confessed to letting the elves and ms. claus die, accidental transphobia via the u-men, and Bryan Lee O malley thinking we needed more than one volume of Julie Powers being around. This was disgusting, even by 1990 standards and especially by 2021 standards and it drags the film down considerably. Without it the film is okay.. with it the film is just VERY hard to watch any time he pops up. He made getting through the movie a nightmare and while I pause a lot becaue it’s a bad habbit I did so more simply because as I said earlier in the review I could not stand him.

It makes it a hard film to recommend. If you can stomach the racisim, then it might be worth it, but be aware of what your putting up with going in. But if you can’t.. there’s no shame in that, it’s carbombya levels of bad. Which yes was a real fictoinal country. It was so bad Casey Casem quit transformers over it. True story. So yeah, it’s an okay film, on par with the series at it’s best for the most part.. but Djonn just spoils it for me.

If you liked this review, like it, share it around that sort of thing and if you want MORE disney movie reviews, in addiiton to the goofy movie one later this month, if you help me hit my 25 dollar stretch goal on patroen.com/popculturebuffet, i’ll do reviews of the Recess, Proud Family and Kim Possible MOvies (Well so the drama anyway), so help me out would you and i’ll see you at the next rainbow.

#ducktales #ducktales treasure of the lost lamp #ducktales 87 #scrooge mcduck #rip taylor #christopher lloyd #launchpad mcquack #webby vanderquack #huey duck #louie duck #dewey duck #duckworth #bentina beakley #merlock #djon #faris djinn #movies #disney plus #disney

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10kiaoi · 5 years

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Tactical gear appreciation post lol.

CW: canon typical violence, issues related to death. Notes: Very much unbetaed and written with increasing desperation. Please go easy on me?

----

The first time Bond sees the boy, it’s in the busy shopping streets of Bangkok.

It’s midday and sweltering but the Pratunam district is buzzing with activity.

Bond idles along the street side vendors, ambling through the makeshift tents and racks. The crowd is thick enough that he brushes shoulders with others every few steps or so. He keeps half an eye on the lovely trinkets - little wooden carvings of various local fauna. The other half is firmly fixed on a man rumoured to be delving into the international arms trade.

He inspects a figurine of an elephant, tuning out the shopkeeper’s enthusiastic pitch in broken english.

A scream pierces the air- a high pitched shriek that sends the crowd careening backwards. As Bond is shoved backwards by the masses, he spots a man toppled over on the ground, motionless. Around him, there are yells in Thai, in English, in various other languages of the disturbed tourists.

He quickly scans the panicked crowd but catches nothing more than a flash of deep brunette melting away into the throngs.

It’s an unexpected sudden end to his current mission.

----

Berlin is a mess.

The woman Bond is tasked with assessing is KGB- turncoat and now looking for a new master. Bond strides into a small chain cafe on a quiet street. The cafe isn’t too busy- the few customers present are already seated and distracted. Anya Pavlova is seated in the far corner up against the wall, engaged in her book and a cup of coffee.

Bond heads to the counter, places his order. It arrives in short order and he chooses a seat by the window. The occasional autumn breeze is refreshing in the stuffy cafe, after sunny, tropical Bangkok.

Out of the corner of his eye, Pavlova slips into the washroom.

Bond tucks into his meal.

She slips back out after a brief pause, prim and proper, returns to her softback.

No one else gets up. Bond slides into the washroom. The note is exactly where Bond expects it to be. He glances quickly at the series of numbers- a phone number, tucks it into a secure little pocket in the lining of his jacket. He flushes the toilet, washes his hands and steps back out.

Pavlova waits for him to sit back down at his table before putting away her possessions into the little handbag at her side.

The waitress comes over smiling, a tray with a single cup. Bond frowns, ready to reject the clearly mistaken order. “With compliments, it’s already paid for!” the waitress chirps. Bond pauses, then graciously thanks the waitress as she transfers the cup to his table. He resolutely does not turn to look at Pavlova who is making for the door.

It’s a lovely rich black, no cream or sugar.

The napkin is folded neatly under the cup.

Bond looks down to check his phone. Pavlova steps out from under the shelter of the awning. The cashier’s cheerful “come again!” switches to a screech of horror, followed by several others both in and outside of the cafe.

Bond whips up with his heart pounding, only training preventing him from dropping his phone on the way. There’s a telltale metallic glint from a far off high rise, no more than a shimmer off what most would assume is reflective glass. It lasts no longer than a flash.

Pavlova is dead before she hits the ground.

----

M is understandably spitting mad.

One doesn’t come by an enemy agent offering their services everyday and Pavlova could have been a terrific addition to MI6’s arsenal of covert long term operatives what with already being in the KGB and all.

The morbid hilarity of the entire situation - Bond hasn’t done anything to influence such an outcome. A textbook execution practically.

And yet it has gone all tits up.

A fuming M marches him down to Q Branch with carte blanche to use all resources to find the leak. “Something we should have done since Bangkok!” M rages in a rare moment of self reproach as Bond bears her fury with silence.

A forensics team is sent to the building the sniper is suspected to have worked from. They find nothing. Q Branch fares no better, the few low res security cameras of little help when it turns out they have all gone down simultaneously around the time of the incident.

He’s grilled on what he remembers. Every tiny detail dragged out to be examined on all fronts to determine if he has missed anything.

There’s little else they can do with no other leads.

----

In Mexico City, Bond destroys an entire warehouse’s worth of hard drugs before it ever reaches his country’s shores.

The explosion is magnificent- a great blooming flameball and a sound blast that blows out every window in a one kilometer radius.

It’s almost makes up for being whacked hard enough atop the head that he blacks out instantly.

----

Miguel Garcia is a terrible host.

Bond watches as the man drops the unfortunate minion into a pit of crocs. The screams still ring in his ears when Garcia starts in on him. His earwig is long gone. For once, he misses having Q Branch in his ear.

Standard villain interrogation routine- a couple of hits here and there, a good deal of verbal threats, a few electrocutions to top it off. Nothing a double oh hasn’t been trained to take.

Bond laughs and screams through the entire facade, a savage grin splitting his face apart. He shoves the desperate need to know that someone is coming into a tiny box and pushes it into a dusty corner of his mind where a stone mansion lies.

Garcia is coming apart at the seams and for good reason. Between the two of them, Bond would garner Garcia’s in deeper shit and he gleefully tells Garcia so.

The lacerations with a dull knife are worth the brief terror turned rage across Garcia’s face.

----

Bond is thrown into a dark room and left to rot without food or water.

His body is a mass of bruises and pain - there isn’t a part of him that feels like he could sleep forever. The relative silence is a much cherished balm against the earlier violence. He’s just drifting off into a light doze- all the better for maintaining his energy reserves when the single shot echoes around the facility.

It’s loud and forbidding.

Bond jerks awake, adrenaline rushing through his veins.

There’s yelling and panic, a desperate attempt to mount some kind of defence but a great deal more bellows that cut off in the middle.

Bond’s heart pounds painfully in his chest. He staggers up, ignoring the painful pull at all his wounds.

Somewhere in the distance, there’s a bang of a grenade.

Outside his prison, there’s a crack. The door swings open. Bond squints at the sudden brightness. A familiar silhouette appears in the light of the doorway.

“Heard you needed backup, brother!”

Bond could just kiss him.

--------

What the hospital staff doesn’t know won't hurt them.

Bond makes it a point to share a drink with Felix whenever he’s in town. Langley isn’t too far from DC and it’s been a while since they have had the opportunity to catch up.

Well, that and the man rescued him from the clutches of Garcia. Bond owes Felix more than a round of drinks.

Bond steadily ignores the disapproving looks Felix aims at his shots. More than for the company, it’s an informal exchange of information- information locked behind red tape and bureaucracy in other circumstances. It’s efficient and lays bare the minute details Bond has to work to hunt down otherwise.

Felix tells him about an operation in Alaska of all places. Bond tells him about Bangkok. They both down a stiff drink.

Felix pauses, a momentary lapse that blares like an alarm to Bond’s trained eye.

Bond narrows his eyes. “What is it?”

Felix grimaces. Something like suspicion and dread creeps over Bond.

“About that, we found the warehouse because of a tipoff. Garcia was already dead when we got there.”

----

Felix doesn’t quite let him in to the CIA secure archives but it’s a pretty close thing.

He leaves Bond waiting in one of the meeting rooms, blinds drawn. When he returns, it’s with a thin folder. There’s also a ziplock with tiny metal pieces no bigger than pennies. Bond turns a skeptical gaze at Felix.

Felix waves the reports like a carrot on a stick. “All our agents’ reports of suspected encounters we have had with our man. Maybe you’ll see something our profilers haven’t.”

Bond’s gaze at the file turns covetous. Felix smirks.

The cases weren’t unlike his own experiences- clean kills, in and out before anyone is aware enough to act. Security cameras were as good as useless with how the feed has clearly been tampered with. Nothing he hasn’t already deduced from his own encounters. It’s entirely frustrating and Bond feels the prickle under his skin, a clawing need to know.

“Paranoid, that one,” Felix declares, settling into an empty chair. Bond snorts.

“He knows he’s being hunted,” Bond corrects.

“No one’s actually seen him, you’d be the first,” Felix admits, leaning backwards.

No traces left behind, no witnesses. Professional to the extreme.

Bond hisses in displeasure.

----

Felix insists on sending him to the airport despite his protests. Dulles International Airport comes into sight like a hulking grey beast, ugly and utilitarian.

“Take care, brother,” Felix wishes over their hug, leaving with several commiserating pats to Bond’s back, carefully avoiding the still healing areas.

A call comes over the speakers as Bond heads through the express security lane: boarding for flight SQ2522 has begun. There’s a flash of brunette curls in the distance- Bond’s heart lurches, mind flashing back to Bangkok. But no, it’s a lady, petite but tall.

For one irrational moment he thinks that it’s Vesper. Brilliant, gorgeous, traitorous Vesper with her wit and charm and lovely red lips.

But the woman moves out of sight towards her gate and the moment’s over and Bond is drawn back into the monochrome present.

----

It’s a random thought- one driven more by instinct from years in the field rather than any rational explanation.

He boards his plane- a direct flight back to London. It is after the stewardess has come round offering champagne that Bond pulls the memory of the little slip of paper Pavlova left behind for him in that Berlin cafe.

Pressing send feels akin to stirring a hornet’s nest.

----

“Thank you for the coffee. It was most delightful. See you soon.”

----

There isn’t much in Pavlova’s handbag- her phone, a softcover likely plucked from a discount bin, a half used tube of lipstick, a writing pad and a fountain pen.

It is the pen Bond focuses his attention on.

Q Branch excels in the technical fields. They’ve done their bit and gone through the cell. As expected of someone like Pavlova. The phone is clean - clearly a burner phone. It is a dead end.

Bond’s expertise is in people and their sentiments.

The fountain pen’s barrel glints, polished despite the corners where the gold has gone dull with age. The nib is uneven, as though grounded down by constant pressure on one side. There’s a ring around the feed and the section, perhaps originally gold like the decorative edgings and on the clip but the gold’s almost completely faded. Bond twists the ring.

A blade springs out from under the nib.

----

Taipei is unfinished business.

The cheap street food is an utter delight. Jiufen is beyond crowded on a weekend and going through the long narrow streets is a slow shuffle sandwiched between local hikers and curious tourists. Bond finds himself with a stick of some grilled meat in one hand,

Several meters ahead, a man walks on oblivious, arms laden down by souvenirs.

There’s a flash of brunette in the corner of Bond’s eye. His snack falls to the ground, abandoned as he slices through the crowd. Outraged yells go up behind him but his concentration has locked onto the scene before him.

It is deja vu.

He barrels through the horde, grasps the slender wrist in an iron grip.

He’s pinned by a wide eyed stare, brilliant green eyes shocked and surprised behind glasses.

Then the blade in the pen is abruptly twisted towards him.

The crowd topples backwards, shrill screaming accompanying the wave of people attempting to flee the altercation. It’s utter pandemonium.

Bond leaps backwards to dodge the blade, but the assailant follows, a dogged determination in his eyes. They grapple in the narrow stone street, amidst the fleeing crowd. The boy shoves him into a display counter of traditional snacks. He lashes out with a kick to the sternum, sending the boy into the corner of a wall and knocking the breath out of him.

They clamber to their feet and circle each other, bruised and all the more vicious for it.

The boy hisses under his breath, like a cat with its tail stepped on. Bond answers with a snarl of his own, blood dripping from the laceration on his cheek.

The streets have emptied by now, the target having slipped away in the commotion.

There’s a momentary flash of indecision, of uncertainty. Inexplicably, the boy turns and darts down an adjourning alleyway.

Bond curses, bolts after the flash of military green parka around the tight corners. He leaps five steps at a time down a steep stairway carved into the street, charging past the backs of residential houses.

He skids to a halt in the middle of a crossroad, utterly alone. There’s a familiar looking pen on the ground, its owner nowhere to be found. In the distance, there are sirens.

Bond sends a fist into the ground, knuckles white beneath the bruises.

----

Wang Guo Pei is a pale faced man, still green from the attempt on his life.

He is also the younger brother of the man killed in Bangkok, whose death has and still is sending ripples across the networks. The interrogation room is bleak and bare. The cold lights enhance the man’s sickly look, hallowed by fear and anxiety over the threat of death even through the filter of the camera.

The Underworld really doesn’t care if one is just a foot soldier, not when one is relation and have access to the inner workings of the organization. MI6 has no such qualms either.

Bond has lost track of how many lesser devils MI6 has had to make a deal with to nail bigger fish.

He watches as the interrogation is repeated, fiddling with his own souvenir. Unlike Pavlova’s, this model sports a two barrel converter on top of the hidden blade. One is filled with regular ink. The other… Bond replaces the cap firmly, slips it back into an inner pocket.

He doesn’t put much stock in working with an entire team with how often they just slow him down instead of being helpful. But M’s made up her mind and the powers that be agree. He’s on his way towards the waiting ops team and Wang three hours later.

----

“Now pay attention, 007, this is a bulletproof suit-”

“Yes, thank you Major, I know what a bulletproof suit does.”

“Not this one, you don’t, now pay attention! I don’t want to have to repeat myself. Now see this here, this little bag, it’s been engineered to be filled with blood- ”

“Isn’t that just a water balloon?”

----

Hours later, Bond lands in Changi Airport, Singapore with new orders and new purpose.

----

Q slips into the office tower easily, waiting for the last few stragglers making their way out to pass by before continuing on his way to the lifts. The night patrol is swiftly dealt with, a quick prick of a gel coated dart with fast acting amnesiac properties.

The ride up is silent, no cheery elevator music to soften the adrenaline. He uses the time to check on his systems briefly. A flick on his phone brings up the app that mirrors the processes his laptop is carrying out while tucked away safely in his hotel suite. It’s a particular test of his abilities, this city, with all its zealousness in adhering to security measures. His laptop has been running nonstop since the moment he stepped foot on this island.

The security cameras remain silent in their judgement. His finger twitches, feeling the weight of his missing pen acutely.

The accomplishment of successful missions has long since worn off. The thrill of travel, of seeing the world and all it offers has dulled with the gravity of the situation he finds himself in. Pavlova’s death is still a fresh wound, the condolences offered by the organization doing nothing to stem the loss and grief that accompanies losing the only maternal figure he has in his life.

Last one, and then you’re out.

The rifle is cold and heavy in his arms.

A robotic female voice announces the level they’ve arrived at and Q steps out.

Wang is immediately visible in the building across the road, in his office.

Q runs a last check of the cameras. They come back clear so he drops to a knee, setting up his equipment. The thick glass of the skyscraper is easily dealt with, a perfect circle being cut out and lifted away to reveal a small hole through which the rifle can be fired through.

It takes no more than a few seconds.

Wang goes down in his office, blood painting the walls.

Q starts packing up.

----

Several muffled shots are followed by a heavy thump.

The man stepping out of the shadows with his Walther primed and ready in his hand is a familiar face. Q can’t tear his eyes away, entranced when the MI6 agent unceremoniously drops the body to the ground.

Q’s stomach drops, visibly blanching.

He recognizes the corpse’s issue of equipment- he’s helped design some of it in fact.

He knows for a fact, that particular section never comes alone.

“Seems like you’ve pissed off your employer,” the man he fought in Taiwan drawls.

Q’s hand goes for his rifle, only to flinch away when the man fires a warning shot. Q freezes. The man motions with his Walter. Q obeys, sliding the rifle away out of reach. He’s mentally flashing through all his equipment, looking for a way to buy time and find an exit, recalling all the areas where he landed hits just days ago.

“Bond,” the man pauses significantly, “James Bond. 007.”

Q blinks. Then slowly, “Am I supposed to curse your name as you kill me then?”

Bond stares, confusion then exasperation. “Oh for Christ’s sake, the one time I try to be civil,” Bond grumbles mutinously.

Q has to hastily stifle a laugh at Bond’s disgruntlement. There’s a moment of acknowledgement of the ludicrousness, yet it somehow lightens the atmosphere between him and and his would be executioner. It’s jarring, how that one line manages to bring a little humour back to his life. It’s simply another indicator of how much the state of things has deteriorated around him without him noticing.

It’s almost regretful it isn’t likely to last.

Q tenses as Bond’s hand creeps to one of his pockets.

It’s cruel irony, if Bond does indeed intend to use that object as an instrument of Q’s death.

Q turns distraught eyes upon the agent- a double oh, if he’s to be believed.

“I gave her that,” Q whispers, eyes locked onto Pavlova’s pen in Bond’s fingers.

“She gave it to me,” Bond states.

Q’s face falls.

“Is what I was ordered to tell you,” Bond continues, voice dropping to a murmur, “But I think you’ve been lied to enough, wouldn’t you say.”

The full force of grief knocks the breath from his chest once again.

Q watches with detached fascination as Bond winces, reaching up to remove the earpiece and drop it in a pocket.

Bond turns back to him in all seriousness, and the dread rises again.

“I couldn’t do this for someone else,” Bond murmurs, catching him around the waist. And oh, how Q can see the same loss and anguish in the other as if they are kindred spirits. “Someone important to me,” Bond chokes out, “but you have a choice now. You wanted out, this is your chance.”

How Q wants to believe him.

He leans in, breathes two words into Bond’s ear.

Bond breaks out in a small, relieved grin.

----

Bond cups Q’s face, pressing their foreheads together in reassurance.

Q takes a steadying breath. His death is now fully in MI6’s- in James’ hands.

“Now darling, do be a good boy and put this on for me,” James whispers conspiratorially.

#00q #quartermaster #james bond #007 #art by op #fanfics #not sure if i'd be able to crank out anything next week #this is prolly the last art for this year??#and decade #just wants to art tactical gear #ends up ficcing 3k words #if you don't count the deleted versions #i did not expect to spend an entire day just for this 3k of words #WHEEZE #hms 00q

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restmyheadatnightcontent · 4 years

Text

febuwhump day 5 - ‘take me instead’

this is the product of me watching the witcher and the man from uncle repeatedly to get myself through lockdown so enjoy a little geraskefer as spies ft horrible creepy stregebor

geraskefer | 1414 words | cw: drugging, violence, referenced experimentation

_______________________________

He should have known it was too good to be true, he’d had a bad feeling ever since they had started the mission but he’d had no reason for that feeling so he’d just ignored it. Which was stupid – rule number one of being a spy is trust your gut.

It had been too easy, he and Geralt had snuck into the facility with relative ease, there were no guards to be seen, and he had cracked the safe with no trouble. They were on their way out with the files when they had turned down what they thought was an empty corridor only to be accosted by a swarm of guards. He and Geralt had managed to fire off a few shots but it wasn’t long before they had tackled him and were pressing a syringe into his neck.

He winces now at the memory of the cold metal sinking in. He hates it when they use drugs – it’s cheating. If you want a fight at least do it properly.

When whatever they had injected him with had worn off he awoke to find himself in a sterile laboratory, stripped almost naked and strapped to a cold operating table, with Geralt still unconscious on a table next to him. The fact that the other man was not yet awake means that they whoever has captured them were prepared for them and for Geralts mutuations. They had been lured into a trap and now Jaskier is just left wondering why.

He hopes that Yennefer had managed to get away, that she had heard the fight via the bugs that he knows she planted on him and Geralt before they left and she called in for help. As soon as he and Geralt had not made it to the agreed meeting point, he hopes that she had left her position and gone to get back up rather than trying to stage a dramatic rescue. But knowing Yennefer, its almost certainly the latter.

His fears are confirmed when the door opens and the guards carry in a familiar body. He tries to get a good look at her as they strap her down to table on his other side, and he cannot see any visible wounds. However his heart drops when he sees the dimeritium cuffs that have been placed around her wrists. Gods knows what they did to her in order to get them on but he knows it can’t have been pretty.

He turns his head back towards the ceiling and tries to figure out how the hell they are going to get out of this one. He waits for a sign that either of the other two are awakening but he is just met with the sounds of the steady breaths of his companions. Normally, that noise brings much comfort to him but only in the confines of their bedroom, here in the unfamiliar room it does nothing to soothe his nerves. He’s without his lockpicks which is making his escape from the table much harder. And whoever it is that has trapped them will be ready. They had measures in place for both Geralt and Yennefer, which means they knew about them and they managed to fake information well enough to fool Vesemir. They aren’t amateurs, whoever they are.

Before he can get much further in his investigations the door is opening again. He lifts his head to see an elderly man in a white coat coming into the room. He seems to be just an ordinary old man – grey hair and a small beard – he looks like someone you would walk past in the street. But as he gets closer, Jaskier gets a glimpse of something in his eyes. Or rather a lack of something – his eyes are cold and calculating and seem to devoid of any light. Paired with the almost hungry smile the man has on his face, they send a shudder running down Jaskiers spine.

“Hello Mr Pankratz,” he says “Yes, yes I know who you are and who you work for so let’s not bother with any of that feigning ignorance act I’ve no doubt you’re terrific at, hm?”

He walks up to Yennefer and Jaskier clenches his fists as the old mans hand lifts to stroke her face. “It’s such a pity that the others aren’t awake yet. I must have made a mistake with my calculations. But no worry, we’ve all got plenty of time to get to know one another.”

He turns back towards Jaskier and he finds himself staring again into the soulless eyes.

“Who the fuck are you and what the hell do you want?” Jaskier asks angrily.

“How rude of me, not introducing myself. I am Stregobor,” he says calmly. Jaskier has heard the name before but he can’t quite place where. The doctor continues“And as for what I want – well I am a scientist you see. And I have always been fascinated by your organisation, about the people that work there. About what is done to them.”

“Yes, yes, I know all about the Witchers and their mutations. I’ve been trying to recreate the process myself for many years but I have never quite managed to get it right – never managed to get them to stick. And now I have one of my own to study and practice on, as well as one of the most powerful mages on the Continent,” he says, with an air of fascination “Yes I think this is will be one of my most productive studies yet.

Of course that’s where Jaskier knows the name – Stregobor was the one responsible for Project Black Sun, the systematic murder of the young girls who were all born during the eclipse and all seemed to show the same strange mutations. He’d heard horror stories about the man from Renfri and that was well over 20 years ago. Gods knows what the man has been up to since then, but it can’t have been good.

Stregobor crosses over to Geralts prone form “I think I’ll start with this one, see if I can figure out what makes him so special.”

“No,” Jaskier says, struggling against his ties “no, you can’t.”

“Oh I think you’ll find I can dear boy. And there’s not a lot you can do to stop me.”

“Take me instead. You won’t find out anything from him – from either of them – but I’ll tell you everything you want to know,” he pleads. He knows it’s stupid, showing his hand this early, letting Stregobor know how much they both mean to him but he doesn’t care if it means that they will be safe, that Stregobor won’t touch them.

“How sweet,” Stregobor says coming to stand next to Jaskier’s head. His hand comes to rest on Jaskier’s cheek and Jaskier flinches away from the contact. “I’ll tell them that you offered up yourself in their place, I think it will help lessen the pain. Or perhaps it will make it worse, who knows.”

He leans in closer and Jaskier can feel the other mans breath ghosting his cheek “You see, I am going to study them but I have much, much bigger plans for you, my boy. With everything I learn from them, from their bodies, I’ll finally be able to perfect my experiments and I’m going to use it to transform you into the perfect fighter. And then you’re going to kill them for me.”

He can see the images in his mind but the thoughts feel unfamiliar in his head, and he realises that Stregobor must be placing them in there, showing Jaskier his plans. Jaskier holding a sword in one hand, knife in the other, walking towards Geralt and Yen. He can hear their pleas as he pushes the knife in, feels their blood coat his hands, their eyes filling with tears as they stare at him, mouths open in shock as he twists the knife—

“No. No,” Jaskier whispers “I won’t.”

“Oh but you will,” he says and then he is calling for the guards and Geralt is being wheeled away.

“If you touch so much as a single hair on his head, I will burn you and this place to the ground,” Jaskier growls. He struggles against the bindings holding him to the table as he watches Geralt’s white hair disappear through the door.

He’s going to get them out of this and stop Stregobor if it’s the last thing he does.

#febuwhump #febuwhumpday5 #the witcher #the witcher fic #geraskefer #geraskefer fic #geralt x yennefer x jaskier #geralt #yennefer #jaskier #my writing #my fic

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lizacstuff · 3 years

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SCK/EDSER anon asks ep 41

Apologies for getting to these so late in the week, but lots of good asks for this episode.

Find them under the cut:

Anonymous asked: Your thoughts on the epi? The kisses were a huge surprise! I'm glad she didn't slap him. And I'm kind of liking the two assistants' story. Its subtle but nice. And Aydan is so weird around Kemal! Is it just me or does her voice change frequency when she's talking to him. I like that they explained why Eda named her daughter Kiraz. I wasn't a huge fan of the name initially but it's growing on me.

So once again I thought it was a really good episode of television, the time moved quickly, it was well constructed and the acting was terrific.

The only thing that marred my enjoyment of it was grappling with Eda’s lies. Sometimes that just got too much for me. I think at one point I actually yelled “LIAR” out loud at the screen. I understand why Ayse and the writers wanted to delay Serkan finding out, it gave us two really great things, one Serkan deciding to pursue Eda again without knowing of their forever tie, and Serkan bonding with his daughter while thinking she has no connection to him.

Dramatically, both of those things are great and entertaining and I’m happy they went that direction. However, that once again requires me to set aside reality and find a way to stomach the fact that Eda not only didn’t tell him about his child, but now is forcing her child to actively lie to the person she wants most to meet.

That was really hard to take on first viewing. She’s also dragging poor besotted Burak into the lie, allowing Melo to continue the lie to her former eniste, expecting Piril to lie to her husband and to her business partner/“friend”, not to mention all the direct lying she’s doing, both to the man she once loved more than anything and to her beloved daughter. They’ve done a good job of making us understand the pain Eda went through and why she might want to protect her daughter, but nothing, and I mean NOTHING justifies what she did. And let’s be real, she going to say she did it to protect Kiraz, but if Serkan had rejected being a father, everything else could have been the same. Kiraz didn’t need to know. Eda could have left, raised her on her own, and told the fairy tale of an astronaut. She decided not to tell Serkan in order to protect herself, it was entirely selfish. And it’s really hard to watch Eda hold Kiraz in her arms when Kiraz tells her of dreaming of her father and Eda still come out of that determined to keep Serkan in the dark. I know she’ll come around. But I really don’t want it be brushed under the rug and for the narrative to consider what she did as totally okay. Perhaps that could come in the form of Kiraz making her pay a bit when she understands she’s been lied to and Eda has hidden her father from her. We’ll see.

Alright, enough of that, I saw several tweets on twitter complaining about Edser alone screen time, that it was too little, but during the episode I didn’t feel it. Probably because I consider funny scenes like them using their assistants as go-betweens to flirt and fight as an “edser” scene. Of course I always want more, but I think we’ll get much more in the coming episodes.

As for Kiraz’s name, I’m super glad it has meaning related to Serkan. That’s very heartwarming. Though still a bit at odds with the fact that she hid her from him. She’s going to deprive him of knowing he has a child, but give her a name connected to Serkan? These are the things you handwave when a show swings big for dramatic purposes, I guess.

On the positive side for Eda, I do appreciate that except for that one gargantuan thing, she is being very open with him in their conversations. It’s new for them for one to be honest about how much they were hurt by the other. Eda would always pretend that she wasn’t impacted when they parted, I’m glad she’s past that.

I’m also happy that Serkan isn’t wasting time pretending he’s not still in love with her or that he doesn’t want her. It took him, what, like a day, to decide he wanted her back? LOL. And even though he was being high-handed in manipulating hotel-owner lady to force Eda to work with him, it was all very in character for the old Serkan so I enjoyed watching it. Even if he had zero rights to do it!

Loved watching her guard come down when they were working together, they were always a very good team, and I’m sure neither of them has had quite that same dynamic since they parted, so it was fun to see them syncing right back into old rhythms. Oh and watching her thaw completely when he complimented her work. Serkan as her mentor was one of my favorite things about their relationship so it was nice to see that aspect back and that she still respects him professionally as much as she ever did. Then the flowers! Gah! I love that the show is picking up these old threads and using them to illustrate how Eda was still a priority for Serkan during the 5 years of estrangement.

So far we’ve only seen flashbacks from Eda’s perspective, it will be very interesting to start seeing them from Serkan’s perspective so we know why he did what he did. I think there’s no doubt that he pushed her away out of some sort of misguided attempt to get her to pursue a better life without him.

Wasn’t it refreshing for there to be a misunderstanding about the phone call, for us to get to see jealous Serkan, but for Eda to actually clear it up for him? Don’t get me wrong, Serkan had no right to get angry and it was frankly none of his business, but it was also a honest emotional reaction from him, and I’m glad to see Eda recognize that and put his mind at ease. Also it was worth it for us to see their argument in the car and them both deciding to walk back. I wish we would have gotten like a 4 minute scene of them just walking and bickering on their way back, though.

Their conversation once they were back was great, so open (except for that pesky secret) so emotional. Serkan really putting in some emotional work for one of the first times ever.

And I love how it continued the next day. Eda searching for the pick that means so much to her, Serkan coming right out and telling her that her wants her and still loves her. And he just upped and kissed her. And she kissed him back! if nothing else, I’m just so happy that the cliffhanger was “happy.” I’ll take a kiss cliffhanger over the horrifyingly heartbreaking ones we got used to there for awhile!

As for the other characters: Fuck off, Ayfer. Shut up, Aydan. Bad judgement, Melo. You’re a traitor, Piril. Hugs to you, Engin. Kemal, you’re a saint. Seyfi, grow a pair. Baby assistants, you’re cute. Burak, wake up. Deniz, you’re embarrassing.

Seriously, Ayfer is insufferable, I can’t stand when she’s on screen. At least Aydan is funny and has her own storyline, even if it’s stupid. Why, oh why, is she lying to Serkan about Kemal? Good grief!

Who does Melo think she is taking a letter out of Serkan’s car? I get the comedy of that letter moving around the supporting players and causing misunderstandings, but it was none of her business and I think out of character for her to meddle to that degree.

However, I’m glad that it looks like from the fragman that while both Aydan and Engin figure it out, they want proof before they do anything about the info. That makes sense, and will allow time for Serkan to figure it out on his own without being any more betrayed by those closest to him.

The baby assistants, are adorable, and now I’m rooting for them, but Kerem needs to tone down his middle class outrage. As for Burak... oh honey. With or without Serkan, does this dude really think he has a shot with Eda? It’s like a 4 deciding he is entitled to date a 10. Just no, dude, she’s so far out of your league you’re not playing the same sport. And once he sees Serkan... seriously? That handsome hunk of man is her ex and you still think you might be her type? I say again, oh honey. Melo seemed to be crushing on him, but I hope that’s not the direction they’re going unless they flesh it out. Melo deserves to be someone’s first choice.

Anonymous asked: Hi! Love reading your sck-related answers! Been wondering about this: how do you think Serkan will react once he finds out about who Kiraz really is? I’m hoping, of course, that he will turn into the soft serky bolly we knew but am also a bit afraid that his dislike of children would not go away instantly and he will act a bit cold towards Kiraz at first..coupled with the anger towards Eda for lying

Thanks for the kind words! Honestly, I don’t foresee him acting cold towards Kiraz, I don’t think that is the story they’re telling. Especially since they’re going to have spent 3 full episodes having Serkan/Kiraz grow close without even knowing. Him reverting to robot bolat once he knows, doesn’t make sense to me. Plus, as you alluded to, once Serkan allows himself to open his heart, he becomes the biggest softy in the world and I expect that exact same dynamic with Kiraz as soon as he processes the information. I can so see him spoiling her rotten trying to make up for lost time. He might not know what to do or always how to act with her, but I think he’s going to try really hard.

His anger at Eda may linger, and that will probably be a wedge between Edser, a wedge I expect Kiraz will work hard to remove by forcing her parents to spend time together.

What I hope to see is a Kiraz who doesn’t want to let her father out of her sight, including out of her house, and a Serkan who wants to get to know his daughter and a Serkan and Eda who are both so riddled with guilt that they will pretty much do whatever she asks of them, including living together and spending tons of time together. We’ll see, but that could be marvelous to watch.

Anonymous asked: I loved that they brought the guitar pick back. Same feeling regarding the ring turned necklace. Those are symbolic and since they got rid of most of them (globe, mug, flower case), I'm happy we have something. I also love the Kiraz/Serkan relationship. He may be a bit annoyed by her but the things he does for her! My heart!!! I can't wait for the moment he realizes she's his!

YES! So happy to have some of these symbols back! Love that she carries that pick around with her, and so did Serkan, lol. That was the thing that gave him hope that she hadn’t forgotten him.

I love that Serkan and Kiraz are so drawn to each other before knowing, it’s like something deep down it telling them the truth, even though they have no conscious realization of their real relationship. Kiraz is surrounded by people who cater to her every whim, (and let her get away with murder) so I think Serkan was a surprise to her. Like her mama, Kiraz is intrigued by someone who challenges her. And Serkan challenges her.

The clues are piling up, and you’d think Serkan would be able to have put them together by now. I mean we have the kid slipping up and poking holes in the ‘Melo and Burak are my parents’ lie, you have her aptitude for building, her strawberry allergy, not needing sleep and getting up early, being frustrated when folks don’t finish their sentences. Come on, Serkan! Though, I think he’s so distracted by having Eda back in his life, that he can’t focus on anything else.

The arrow scene was adorable, and I just love how she goaded him into playing with her. They are obviously very alike and I will never get enough of him being unable to say no to her. There are, apparently, exactly two people Serkan is unable to say no to in everyday situations, and they are mother and daughter.

I wish we had seen a little more from Eda’s point of view when she found Serkan and Kiraz sitting there together having ice cream for breakfast. Because a more un-Serkan like thing is hard to imagine. I want to know what she thought and felt at that. Why wasn’t she curious how they’d gotten to that position and both were compelled to want to be there? I suppose the writers didn't give that to us, because if they had, and had portrayed the character of Eda honestly, then that probably would have been enough for Eda to decide she should tell Serkan.

Anonymous asked: People are playing the team Serkan/team Eda game but in my opinion both are right and wrong in their own way. We still need more flashbacks to explain how things went down but I think everyone should be team Edser. At the end of the day it's about them learning from their mistakes and moving forward to build a family and life for their daughter and themselves.

Yes, I really don’t want to vilify either one. Even if Serkan pushed her away to protect her and give her a better life, once again he was being controlling and making decisions for her, just like he did back in episode 14. And Eda’s mistake is obvious... and too much pride has always been one of her fatal flaws, so having too much pride to tell him and wanting to avoid that rejection in some ways makes sense for her.

I can’t wait to watch how they find their way back to one another, they’re already having better, more open conversations than they ever did.

Anonymous asked: ANOTHER scene of them talking maturely, laying out their feelings, who are they and what have they done to edser?!? sure we still get their usual bickering beforehand when they both walk back to the hotel (LOL). but him voicing his feelings at that night scene about how he KNOWS how much he hurt her, and that he broke them apart, but he "just can't leave" and how he repeats that over and over again... ugh just chef kiss!

Oh, that conversation at night on the boardwalk, that was something. They were both so raw, and Serkan is actually showing a lot of growth by owning his mistakes, admitting he hurt her, apologizing and being honestly about wanting to start something. That is BRAND NEW, it was what we needed after amnesia and never got. It’s very satisfying to watch them having these heart-to-hearts and it looks like there are more in our future.

Anonymous asked: as much as the flashbacks actually HURT my heart to watch, i've really appreciated them bc without them i don't think just telling what happened in the past would be enough for this plot and we need to have it actually shown. we've had eda's pov so far on the events that happened, but im really looking forward to serkan's thought process behind his actions in the past, even though i do already understand where he was coming from, i think it's needed for eda to understand.

The flashbacks are really good, but oh so painful.

As for getting them from Serkan’s perspective, yes please! There’s a lot that both we and Eda don’t know. We know that Serkan couldn’t leave his house for months after Eda left, but Eda doesn’t know that. Eda really thinks he fell out of love with her and once again choose work over her, but I’m sure that’s not what happened. Hopefully, in 3 and 4, we’ll see what spurred Serkan on to act so coldly to her. Sure, part of it probably was depression and changes in him brought by the cancer, but I’m sure it was more than that. We shall see.

Anonymous asked: Do you get the impression that Piril has known the entire time that Eda was pregnant and had a baby? I thought she only found out when she went to Sile for the hotel project but a lot of people seem to think she was in on it all along? did I miss a key line somewhere? Like I can see why she hasn't told Engin if it was recent but keeping it from him for 5 years? Idk about that. And it makes Piril a little more bearable if she hasn't stood next to Serkan all these years with this secret

My guess is she’s only known since this project. There is absolutely no reason for Eda to have confided in her prior to that, unless Piril somehow stumbled onto them during the years. But I think that scene in the second fragman, where Eda is telling her that it’s better for Kiraz to have no father, than a father that doesn’t want her, is a flashback to when Piril and Eda first meet for the project and that’s Eda convincing her to keep the secret. That’s my best guess at least.

It’s bad enough if Piril has known for weeks and has actively worked against Serkan figuring it out, but it’s a whole other thing if she’s lied to her husband for years. Either way, I sure hope this causes problems between Piril and Engin, it should.

Anonymous asked: One thing I love about Serkan now is that the man has learned to apologize. That was one thing that was very difficult for him but in the past two episodes he's apologized a few times. Yes in the first season he was sorry over his actions but never said the words "I'm sorry". What a great improvement. And I love that he's communicating. His "I want you" and his other efforts are great to watch.

I LOVE THIS! I think the first time he ever said the words “I’m sorry” was in 15 and that was after she forced his hand by driving like a maniac and really losing it so when they’re on that cliff he finally breaks down and says it. But that was one of the only times. Even in 28 when they have the big miscommunication about getting married, he only says something like “me too” after Eda apologizes.

It would be interesting to know how he came to this point, but I assume he’s had a LOT of time to think over the last 5 years and to think about what he would say if they ever met again. That has to be it, because he’s been able to articulate a lot of very sincere, heartfelt things in the course of these conversations

Growth! We love to see it.

#Sen Çal Kapımı #sen cal kapimi #edser #serkan bolat #eda yıldız #sckask #sck 2x41 #sck 2x02 #edser discussion #sck episode discussion #asklizac #anonymous

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weekendwarriorblog · 3 years

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THE WEEKEND WARRIOR 6/25/21: F9, WEREWOLVES WITHIN, THE ICE ROAD, FALSE POSITIVE, I CARRY YOU WITH ME and More!

Well, June is quickly coming to an end, but that means it’s officially summer. No, for real this time. Summer started June 21, and that means we have the latest attempt to revive the box office, and really, if this doesn’t do it, then we’re sunk. Doomed. It’s over, and Jeff Bock, the Streamer Relations guy, has won. We’re in the endgame now. Go to the movies this weekend, and don’t let Jeff Bock win!

Before we get to the theatrical releases, the 20th Tribeca [formerly Film] Festival ended over the weekend, and it certainly “looked different” as we were reminded every time some local celebrity introduced a movie on the festival’s virtual platform. As far as the movies I saw, a few are mentioned below but generally, the documentaries once again outplayed any of the narrative features, which was pretty much the same with other festivals this year. Besides the Rita Moreno doc that I reviewed last week, I quite enjoyed A-Ha the Movie, a documentary that covers the famous ‘80s “one hit wonders” travails since their first hit album and the ubiquitous “Take on Me.” It’s a great doc that really shows what can happen when you try to keep the band together even when you stop travelling or even talking to each other. Also Bitchin’: The Sound and Fury of Rick James was another great musical doc about a funk/soul singer who I really never knew very much about, so it was quite educational. I also liked 7 Days quite a bit, and that was one of the better narrative films at the fest.

It felt like there were two very different Tribecas. There was one for the elitist journalists who were allowed to attend all the in-person screenings and parties, and there was the one for the rest of us -- where we were just sitting at home watching stuff on our TV sets, just like we did with Sundance and SXSW. And make no mistake, as someone who has been covering Tribeca since Year Two (where I *bought* all my tickets), it definitely felt like I was being pushed aside by the current Tribeca regime who just wants to be seen as something exclusive just for certain people, including as a woke festival catering to the underrepresented (but not really… if that was the case, they would have given free tickets out to people who live in the areas of the city where they set-up their pop-up screenings). I only know a few locals who received the better in-person badge -- pretty much the entire staff at IndieWire, for instance -- but as someone who has covered the festival for years and received a Hudson Pass for the effort, it definitely felt like I don’t really need to cover Tribeca anymore. It’s just not the elite festival it thinks it is, and as far as I’m concerned, it will never be Cannes, it will never be Sundance, and it will never even be SXSW. It continues to be a festival with zero identity that caters to the rich, white New Yorkers that already get special treatment wherever they go. I’m not even sure how much of it even takes place in Tribeca anymore, since the premier location for movie premieres seemed to be at Hudson Yards, which is about four miles North of “Ground Zero,” the area affected by 9/11 that precipitated the need for something like the Tribeca Festival in the first place. I feel that this year’s festival was an even bigger disappointment than last year’s virtual only, but that’s because they’ve finally just given up on the press they don’t feel are worthy of covering them. So yeah, not for me.

It’s hard to believe that F9 (Universal Pictures), the ninth movie in the “Fast Saga.” is finally being released in North America, since I felt like I reviewed it five years ago. Actually, it was only a month ago, but it just seems like forever since I’ve been so busy this month.

In case you have no idea what to expect and wanna know: Vin Diesel is back as Dominic Torreto, and this time we meet another member of his real family, brother Jakob (John Cena), who is now working with the criminal spy organization Cypher. Most of the gang are back, except for Dwayne Johnson’s Agent Hobbs and Jason Statham’s Deckard Shaw, who you may remember went off to make Hobbs and Shaw a few years back. In fact, that last movie was the last movie in the franchise, which was supposed to act as a tie-over between 2017’s Fate of the Furious and F9, which was originally supposed to come out in 2020. Got all that?

Hobbs and Shaw opened with around $60 million in early August, which is generally one of the few weekends in the late summer where a movie could still open big. That was the lowest opening for the franchise in over ten years, because ever since 2009’s Fast & Furious, every single movie has opened over $70 million and closer to $100 million or more. 2013’s Fast and Furious 6 and 2017’s The Fate of the Furious didn’t quite hit a $100 million opening, but still, it’s a pretty good barometer of how big the franchise was in the before-times. James Wan’s Furious 7 still sports the biggest opening with $147 million in early April 2015, hampered by the year-long delay after one of the film’s stars, Paul Walker, died in a car crash a year earlier. Walker’s death may have helped drive audiences to the movie with the same morbid curiosity way as Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight back in 2008. (Furious 7 grossed $353 million domestically, which is also a high watermark for the franchise domestically.)

The Fate of the Furious grossed slightly less than the previous two installments and then Hobbs and Shaw ended up with $173 million, which is nothing to sneeze at… unless your movie ended up costing $200 million, which that one did. We’re talking about very expensive movies here, and one presumes F9 is up there in that $200 million range, but it bodes a couple questions. Was the success of the franchise since Fast 5 mainly due to “franchise Viagra” Dwayne Johnson and was that helped by the addition of Statham? With the two of them gone, does that take away from the movie’s potential or do people like Diesel, Tyrese Gibson’s Roman, Ludacris and the other long-timers like Michelle Rodriguez and Jordana Brewster enough to make this an opening weekend must-see?

There might some questions whether theaters in bigger cities like New York and L.A., where F9 would generally do big business, will be as full as normal -- even with full capacity finally being allowed. The other question is whether Universal may have released this movie overseas too far in advance of the States. Think about it. When you start to think about movie piracy and where a lot of that comes from, it goes right to China, and a movie like this at a time like this when people are cautious about running to theaters, well if you walk down the street and someone is selling a copy for 5 bucks, why wouldn’t you buy it? That’s the reason why studios release movies day and date across the globe, or at least they try to. Piracy used to be a big thing hurting the movie business, but that seems to have been forgotten.

Reviews for the movie have been mixed -- I already reviewed the movie over at Below the Line -- but about the same as the last two installments, so those won’t necessarily stop people from going to the movies, since this is a classic summer popcorn movie where it feels like everyone should go see it opening week. Like in the past, F9 will open Thursday night for previews, but it seems to getting more Thursday night previews than normal -- I’ve seen five to six screenings in many locations -- and that might because Universal realizes how important this release is and how many people will be looking to see if it can revive theatrical.

I think I’m going to say that F9 will make around $72 to 74 million this weekend, which takes it back to Fast & Furious days, but I do think audiences will like the movie more than critics, and because of that, the decision to make two more movies will probably be warranted.

I was very excited to see Josh Ruben directing another movie so soon after last year’s Scare Me -- a terrific horror-comedy you can watch on Shudder -- and his latest film, WEREWOLVES WITHIN (IFC Films), based on the Ubisoft game, is just as funny AND scary. It stars Sam Richardson as Finn Wheeler, the new park ranger arriving in the small and remote town of Beaversfield, which seems to have just as much politics and backbiting as the biggest of the cities. He quickly becomes friends with the bubbly postwoman, Cecily (Milana Vayntrub), as she introduces him to the quirky townsfolk… oh, yeah, and there is something brutally mauling them to death.

The premise for Werewolves Within seems fairly simple, and maybe that’s because it is based on a VR game where I assume you have to figure out who is the vampire, so that’s pretty much what’s going on as Finn, Cecily and seemingly the entire town wind up locking themselves up in the Beaversfield Inn trying to figure out who is killing the others. Thankfully, there are more layers built into the ongoing relationships between the townsfolk.

Ruben’s got a lot of things going for his second feature film, the first thing being a super-funny script by Mishna Wolff, but also the amazing cast he put together that not includes Richardson and Vayntrub with some brilliant chemistry but also the likes of Michaela Watkins and Michael Chernus, who can never do wrong in my book. Those two elements alone would make Werewolves Within worthwhile, but Ruben ably takes on the challenges of a much bigger cast than his previous movie and finds a way to keep the viewer constantly on edge and interested in what will happen next, especially to some of the characters who are not as jovial or friendly as Richardson’s Finn.

But what works best about the movie is that there are plenty of unexpected twists, maybe some more obvious than others, and the fact you never really know who might die next or house keeps the movie quite entertaining. It also shows off Ruben’s great skills at combining horror and humor, something that’s very difficult for even the best directors, but when you’ve got it -- as Ruben proved so perfectly with Scare Me -- then you might as well use it to its fullest.

It’s hard to describe how well the humor works without using jokes ala something like Shaun of the Dead, but it’s more of a light-hearted charm that one wouldn’t expect to go so well with the dire situation in which the characters find themselves. It doesn’t hurt that many of the characters are so unlikable that getting their comeuppance adds to that humor. If you’re expecting a lot of werewolf transformations or even werewolves plural, you might be slightly disappointed, but it’s nice that a movie can be its own thing without trying to copy other films in the horror subgenre.

Either way, Ruben is 2 for 2 with his second attempt at comedy-horror, which ventures just far enough away from Scare Me to make me think that he’ll continue to be a great voice in the much-maligned and hard-to-muster horror subgenre.

Werewolves Within just debuted at the Tribeca Festival, and it will be released in theaters this Friday and then be On Demand and Digital starting July 2. I’ll also have an interview with Josh Ruben over at Below the Line a little later today, too, so check that out!

Not getting a theatrical release in the United States unfortunately is Jonathan Hensleigh’s THE ICE ROAD (Netflix), starring Liam Neeson as a truck driver in Winnipeg, whose special skill is driving that truck across the frozen lake up north. When a diamond mine collapses in the very north side of Canada, it’s up to him and a crew of other ice truckers to drive their big rigs across the frozen lake to save the men trapped in the mine.

I quite liked this movie that definitely marks a return of Hensleigh to some of those great action movies he wrote in the ‘90s, like Die Hard with a Vengeance, but this is also a significantly better action movie than some of the ones he’s directed, like the 2004 The Punisher. The sad fact is that I’ve been pretty disappointed with Neeson’s recent film choices, particularly in the last year when disappointments like The Honest Thief and The Marksman managed to get theatrical releases even during the pandemic. The Ice Road is a much better movie, maybe because Hensleigh wrote and directed it himself, but also he had much better source material in the docuseries, Ice Road Truckers, and he clearly did his research into these 18-wheelers on these dangerous trips across iced-over lake that could crack at any time. Hensleigh uses this idea well to tell a story where much of the movie takes place on that dangerous ice.

There are elements to the story that might not work quite as well, such as the decision to have Neeson’s brother Gurty (Marcus Thomas) be suffering from such horrible PTSD that it makes him almost a bigger hindrance than a help on the trip. On the other hand, the movie does have the always great Laurence Fishburne in a smaller role and the real breakout has to be Amber Midthunder, the bad-ass Indigenous Tantoo who proves that she can drive as well as the guys. I also found that Hensleigh’s use of the corporation as the ultimate antagonist in sending these truckers to their potential deaths more for the money than to actually save lives works well to add to what would have been a simple rescue mission.

The Ice Road is a pretty solid (ugh, bad pun) action-thriller that has some elements of other similar movies but then really throws the viewer for a loop with the amazing on-ice truck driving stunt work, that keeps one invested while really putting it ahead of some of Neeson’s other recent action fare.

You can read my interview with Hensleigh over at Below the Line.

Next up are two very different movies that played at the 20th Tribeca Festival over the past week

Heidi Ewing’s I CARRY YOU WITH ME (Sony Pictures Classics) finally gets a theatrical release after getting its Oscar qualifying run way back in December and premiering at the Sundance Film Festival in January 2020! Based on the true story of Mexican immigrant lovers Ivan and Gerardo, who travel from Mexico to New York City and are reunited after decades apart and many struggles to rekindle their romance.

This is an interesting movie for Ewing, best known for her award-winning docs like Jesus Camp, because it’s not an easy story to tell or movie to make, covering a span of decades, and using flashbacks to tell the individual stories of how these two men discovered their homosexuality while surrounded by a toxic culture who hates them for loving each other. We meet Iván as he’s cooking in a Mexican restaurant in New York before we flashback to Pablo, Mexico in 1994 when he’s younger (and played by Armando Espitia), married with a young son, but when he meets Gerardo (Christian Vázquez) at a gay club and the two click, he’s put in a place where he has to keep his sexuality hidden if he doesn’t want to lose his son. As the romance blossoms, Ivan realizes that he needs to go to America if he really wants his culinary skills (he even went to school) to be used, because in Pablo, he’s relegated to being a dishwasher.

Ivan decides to make the dangerous trek across the border with his best friend Sandra (Michelle Rodríguez -- not the one in F9) with the promise to return to Gerardo. Things don’t necessarily go as planned but decades later they’re reunited, and struggle to make it in New York City as restaraunteurs. As you watch their story unfold, you can fully understand why Ewing might want to tell this story, co-writing the script with Alan Page Arriaga, but there are still elements of documentary in this narrative beautifully shot by Cinematographer Juan Pablo Ramírez AMC.

Unfortunately, those elements of documentary are what really confused me, because there are moments in the present day when the real Ivan and Gerardo are playing themselves, but then there are times when the two main actors are made up to look older, and I couldn’t really figure out what was happening at times, maybe due to some of the more dream-like nature of the storytelling.

Even so, Ewing has created a terrific character piece and quite a warm and wondrous love story, even if it’s plagued by violence and discrimination due to their roots and their homosexuality. I couldn’t help but think that I might have liked Moonlight more if it wasn’t told in such a linear fashion, separated into three chapters. By using the flashbacks to keep the viewer fully focused on what’s happening, Ewing creates something more on par with Cuaron’s Y Tu Mama Tambien that feels just as authentic as if Ewing were a gay Mexican herself.

Probably the weakest part is the second act where we watch Ivan trying to get to America, because that’s been done in so many other movies, including Cary Joji Fukunaga’s earlier film, Sin Nombre, and that feels a little less unique or special compared to the rest of the duo’s story.

It’s a shame that I Carry You With Me wasn’t able to build any awards traction, partially due to Covid and the long gap between festival appearances. Either way, it proves that Ewing is a lot more than a “mere” documentary filmmaker, able to mix those skills with that of a sharp narrative filmmaker with a keen eye for storytelling. This is a particularly strong character piece and a beautiful love story based on two real men, unlike anything I’ve seen in recent memory.

Honestly, I’ve given up on figuring what Sony Classics is doing in terms of their theatrical releases. I guess this could be opening in New York and Los Angeles or in more cities. I have no idea, because no one tells me anything. But I also wanted to share the review by my friend J. Don Birnam that he wrote out of the New York Film Festival last year. He has reasons to be able to connect with this material much more than I can, which is probably why his review is so damn good: http://splashreport.com/nyff-film-review-i-carry-you-with-me-an-inspiring-story-of-triumph-by-rarely-depicted-peoples/

Not quite as good is John Lee’s horror-thriller FALSE POSITIVE (Hulu/A24), starring Ilana Glazer from Broad City, who also cowrote the screenplay with Lee. It’s a very different non-comedic role for Glazer in which she plays Lucy, a pregnant woman, who finds her pregnancy turned into a nightmare, as she puts herself in the hands of the nefarious ob/gyn Dr. John Hindle, played by the great Pierce Brosnan, who happened to be her husband’s (Justin Theroux) medical teacher.

Man, did I want to like this psychological thriller, because I think Glazer is just the best in Broad Street, and the fact that she co-wrote this and is trying to do something unexpected out of the ordinary just thrills me to the end. That being said, her character Lucy seems to be a rather standard powerful NYC woman with a good job where she’s better than the rest, who ends up going through a torturous experience as an expectant mother who isn’t able to trust her own doctor. Part of the conflict comes when Julie is told that she is having more than one baby, but she has to choose between twin boys or a single girl, because she’s told that she won’t be able to take all three of them to term.

It’s an okay premise dealing with the many worries that women must have while pregnant, and things get crazier and crazier as Julia begins seeing everything, and while Glazer isn’t bad while playing a straight-up no-humor dramatic role, it’s hard not to see her more as a Debra Messing type when she has her hair straightened out to look different.

The horror elements are decent whether it’s the body horror idea of having a number of dead baby fetuses inside you, which is pretty creepy, and Lee doesn’t do a bad job with the trippier parts of the movie, though I feel like it overuses and leans on the use of blood to step up the horror, and it doesn’t work that well. There are also aspects to the story that feel somewhat predictable only because there are only a few way things can go the way things are set-up.

It’s obvious that Glazer and Lee wanted to make social commentary on the male-dominated field of childbirth with some of the weirder aspects of the movie, like the Stepford Nurses that constantly surround Brosnan’s Dr. Hindle. Having them there smiling eerily always boosts Lucy’s suspicion that her husband might be cheating with one or both of them. Still, there are too many aspects of False Positive (including the fact it was produced by A24) that makes one think that this is another attempt at the kind of “elevated humor” that’s been done so much better by the likes of Ari Aster and Robert Eggers.

Ultimately, False Positive is okay, it certainly tries hard, it’s maybe not quite as good as I hoped or expected of what might have been a perfectly fine vehicle for Glazer. I certainly had high hopes for what she might do with a pregnancy thriller, that this movie just never quite delivers.

False Positive debuts on Hulu this Friday.

From Sweden comes the horror film THE EVIL NEXT DOOR (Magnet) from filmmakers Oskar Mellender and Tord Danielsson, which follows a new stepmom Shirin (Dilan Gwyn), who has moved into a duplex with her partner Fredrik and his young son, Lucas (Eddie Eriksson Dominguez), but they soon learn that strange things start happening that seem to be coming from the abandoned house next door.

I’m always open to see what’s coming from the Scandinavian countries, because there’s been a lot of particularly good genre over the years -- Let the Right One In, for instance -- but I got the impression right away that originality was not going to be in the cards for this one, which immediately has the small boy having an imaginary friend, who you know is either an evil spirit or one of the spirit’s previous victims. Sadly, that’s the case here, and without the originality of some of the original horror films it's emulating, The Evil Next Door just seems like an international copycat.

If you’re even a modicum fan of modern horror, you’re likely to have seen many better versions of this movie, which is just kind of bland overall, but constantly resorts to scenes of a woman walking through the house acting scared and the cheap scares that inevitably come. This one even uses the eerie “next day” chapters that have been used in so many other horror movies, including the Paranormal Activity movies.

Mellender and Danielsson certainly come off as capable filmmakers, and they could do far worse than the incredibly dramatic and emotional performance by Gwyn -- the movie does get slightly better as it goes along -- but the feeling that you’ve seen it all before and know what to expect completely detracts from appreciating any of the finer aspects. For instance, there’s some decent creature design work but even that sometimes goes for the expected in terms of the spirit’s look. The filmmaker’s skills are also evident from the use of music and sound design, which is crucial to a movie like this working in any fashion, but it’s hard to fully appreciate it when you feel you know where things are going.

The Evil Next Door just feels like a movie made by fans of the far superior “Conjuring” movies who managed to cop some of the tricks to scare the viewer, but without fully understanding why those movies work due to original characters and storytelling ideas. These are decent filmmakers, but I’d really like to see them do something more unique or original.

If you live in NYC and feel like going up to Harlem, Questlove’s documentary, Summer of Soul, is opening a week early, this Friday at the AMC Magic Johnson in Harlem, New York, and it’s also opening at El Capitan in Los Angeles. It will open in theaters elsewhere and on Hulu NEXT Friday, July 2, so I’ll write more about it in next week’s column.

Debuting on Apple TV+ Friday is Drew Zanthopoulos’ documentary FATHOM (Apple TV+), which follows scientists Dr. Ellen Garland and Dr. Michelle Fournet as they study the whale songs of the humpback whale and try to figure out ways to communicate with them and understand whale culture. Oddly, this is one of quite a few whale documentaries coming out over the next few weeks.

Another movie that I just don’t have time to review just now is Eytan Rockaway’s gangster thriller, LANSKY (Vertical), which stars Harvey Keitel, Sam Worthington, John Magaro, AnnaSophia Robb and Minka Kelly. Worthington is down-and-out writer David Stone, who gets a call from the legendary gangster Meyer Lansky (played by Keitel), who has been of the grid for decades but worth a fortune. Stone meets with Lansky as the FBI closes in on the Godfather of organized crime, and he’s told about Lansky’s time with Murder Inc. and the National Crime Syndicate.

Other movies out this week, include:

SILENT NIGHT (Samuel Goldwyn)

SISTERS ON TRACK (Netflix)

TOO LATE (Gravitas Ventures)

Next week is the 4th of July (on Sunday), and we’re getting FOREVER PURGE (Universal) and THE BOSS BABY 2: FAMILY BUSINESS (also Universal!!?!?)... I guess someone really wants to dominate the box office again, huh?

#The Weekend Warrior #F9 #Werewolves Within #False Positive #I Carry You With Me #The Ice Road #Movies #Reviews #Streaming

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ghostofbambifanfiction · 4 years

Note

For the texting prompts, “challenge”

Beatrice Booth: Two hours and counting!

Lily Evans: Yeah, I’M AWARE, thank you.

Beatrice Booth: Just reminding you bb pip pip!

Lily Evans: Could you PLEASEJUST

Beatrice Booth: It’s for your own good

Lily Evans: You are asking me to make a major life change and instead of love and support I’m getting “pip pip!” and “two hours and counting!”

Beatrice Booth: LOL major life change ok ms drama

Lily Evans: I’m sorry, but in what universe does this NOT change things?

Beatrice Booth: You’re acting like things are going to change in a bad way

Lily Evans: They might.

Beatrice Booth: They won’t

Lily Evans: They MIGHT.

Beatrice Booth: OMG just get on with it ffs I’m growing a beard here waiting.

Lily Evans: I. Am. Doing. It. Now. Go. Away.

Beatrice Booth: LOL send screenshotsDo you have a plan?

Lily Evans: Sort of.

Beatrice Booth: What is it?

Lily Evans: How am I even supposed to START and also who TEXTS someone to tell them how they feel about them in the first place that’s so impersonal and I HATE you, honestly????

James Potter: what?

Lily Evans: Oh, shit.I’m sorry, I typed this in the wrong conversation.It’s meant to be for Beatrice.

James Potter: that’s okay

Lily Evans: I’ll have to get back to you on how I somehow mistook your Whatsapp pic for hers.

James Potter: i don’t know what you’re talking about, beatrice looks exactly like a huge ginger cat wearing a male stripper’s bow tie

Lily Evans: What distinguishes it as a stripper’s bow tie and not just a bow tie?Is there a specific website where strippers buy their apparel?

James Potter: yeah it’s where i buy all of my tearaway trousersit’s a stripper’s bow tie because algernon is otherwise naked, obviously

Lily Evans: Obviously.So…can any piece of clothing can be stripper clothing if it’s the only thing you’re wearing?Which by default means you can wear stripper clothes when you’re not stripping?

James Potter: anything but crocs

Lily Evans: That’s fair.A naked person in crocs already has more problems than I’m ever likely to face in my lifetime.

James Potter: yeah but they’re getting terrific arch support

Lily Evans: What about shower caps?

James Potter: ANYTHING but crocs

Lily Evans: So you’d rather be in a strip club where the strippers were wearing a shower cap than one where the strippers wore crocs?

James Potter: i’d rather not be in any strip club, they’re depressing and full of creepslike whyeveryone knows why you’re therethe women don’t like youif you’re gonna be a sad pervert have the decency to keep that between you and your google search history

Lily Evans: What’s the last thing on your Google search history?

James Potter: “world’s largest lego store?”what’s yours?

Lily Evans: “How to tell the boy you like that you like him because your stupid best friend beat you in a year-long contest and forced you to do it as a forfeit?”Subheading: “She SAYS this is her idea of lockdown self-improvement but that’s bullshit, she’s just thirsty for drama”

James Potter: ahrightokay coolfirst text makes sense then hahawait, YEAR long????

Lily Evans: Yeah, look, it had a lot of different components and a whole escalating points system and it’s a whole thing, whatever, I’m never doing it again.Her victories were total flukes.Like, wow, you guessed the Eurovision winner, well done.I’m also pretty sure she was cheating with the steps counter but I don’t even want to get into that, honestly.

James Potter: mum gave me and sirius fitbits so she could make sure we took 10000 a day and sirius tricked her by putting his on his right wrist when he was wanking

Lily Evans: It’s weird that you know that.

James Potter: it’s weird that you don’t, he tells everyonedid you find anything?

Lily Evans: Where?

James Potter: in your google search?

Lily Evans: I found “100 Inspiring Quotes That Will Increase Your Confidence,” so no.

James Potter: inspiring quotes are like placebos except at no point do they have you fooledyou know they’re not gonna work

Lily Evans: Yeah, like it’s nice that some guy named Norman Vincent Peale wants me to believe in myself but that doesn’t suddenly mean that I do.

James Potter: you should believe in yourself, you’re brilliantbut you should also narrow your search parameters because that situation is way too specific

Lily Evans: I do believe in myself. Mostly.But like, not only do I have to tell this person that I have a crush on him, I have to do it to a bloody deadline.Nothing really prepares you for that, you can’t take romantic entanglements for your A Level.And apparently Google’s unfamiliar with the concept, so.

James Potter: it’s not remus, is it?tell me it’s not remus

Lily Evans: What?

James Potter: the person you fancy?i mean, not that i have any personal investment in the issue i just know he likes beatrice and wouldn’t want you to get hurt and that’s the tea

Lily Evans: ????????What makes you think it’s Remus?

James Potter: i dunno he justhe seems like the kind of person you’d like

Lily Evans: Me specifically?

James Potter: yeah

Lily Evans: Because?

James Potter: because he’s academic in a good way

Lily Evans: There’s a bad way to be academic?

James Potter: course there isremus is academic in the way that tries, not the way that fucks around and gets good marks by coasting on natural brilliance, which according to my mum can cultivate laziness and that’s why my chore list is so extensivehe’s funny in a dry wayhe’s not a dramatic idiothis hair is tidyhe probably understands mortgages

Lily Evans: You’re describing a male me and I don’t know why you think I’d want to date that.Also, I’m seventeen.Why would I need to understand mortgages?

James Potter: i hear it’s good to get on the property ladder early

Lily Evans: Do you WANT me to be into Remus?

James Potter: there’s no good answer to that question

Lily Evans: Because I’m not into Remus.You have a really skewed idea of what my type is.

James Potter: are you sure?

Lily Evans: Yeah, no, I’m pretty sure I haven’t mistaken him for the totally DIFFERENT person I fancy.

James Potter: i think he has an everyman quality that people find quite charmingit’s possible that you could have

Lily Potter: He’s not a Ditto, James. He can’t transform at will.

James Potter: though thinking about itwould be a bit weird if beatrice was pushing you to tell remus you liked himshe’s mentioned liking remus once or twice

Lily Evans: Once or twice a minute.I can’t believe you thought that “academic” and “understands mortgages” were my major qualifiers.Like, honestly it’s a bit offensive that you think I’m that stodgy.

James Potter: no it isn’t and i never said stodgyit was a commentary on how mature you are!and how you have sensible priorities!

Lily Evans: You say “mature” but you mean “stodgy.”

James Potter: that is not what i mean

Lily Evans: BRB digging out one of my nan’s cardigans and buying some thermal underwear and maybe taking up bridge as a hobby.Maybe I can book a spot on one of those OAP singles cruises and meet someone at a shuffleboard tournament?If I’m lucky he’ll have a full pension.

James Potter: i feel like i should inform you that plenty of old people are out there living wild livesi mean, not right now because of lockdown, but

Lily Evans: But apparently I’m not.

James Potter: what’s wrong with liking those things about a person??i like those things about youand about peopleplural

Lily Evans: NOTHING but they shouldn’t be THE thing.Like, it’s so mercenary. You’re saying I’d only want to date someone because they stand a good chance of making it in a decent career and being a good provider and not because they’re sweet or kind or funny.

James Potter: firstly, i mentioned that remus is funny and secondly that’s not what i meanti meant that you would want to date someone who was your intellectual equal so you would never feel that you weren’t smart enough for them or that they weren’t smart enough to stay on your level

Lily Evans: And that translates to “academic in a good way” how?

James Potter: okay what i just said was a) true and b) a straight up compliment and you’re just blowing right past it

Lily Evans: Maybe I am, but that still doesn’t explain how it translates.Like, since I’m assuming that you, THE smartest person I know, think you’re academic in a bad way, does that mean you think YOU’RE not on my level?Is that a conversation we need to have now?

James Potter: my middle name is oddjob

Lily Evans: Wait what??

James Potter: you’ve mistaken my compliment for an insult and you’re mad at me so i’m trying to distract youand just so you knowthis is my deepest darkest secretonly sirius and my parents know my middle name

Lily Evans: Wait, Oddjob like the Bond villain??????

James Potter: you are part of an elite group of people i’d trust with my life so please appreciate thatyes like the bond villain

Lily Evans: Were you a particularly complicated birth or something?Were your parents punishing you somehow?

James Potter: complicated pregnancymum was on bedrest for weeksshe was so bored that she watched all of the bond movies because they were the only films dad kept in the house and streaming wasn’t a thing back then, and that’s the story of why my name is james instead of sebastian

Lily Evans: James Oddjob.

James Potter: james oddjob

Lily Evans: They were going to call you Sebastian?

James Potter: mum’s choiceshe thought it was debonair and rakish

Lily Evans: I’m…really disproportionately thrilled that they didn’t go with Sebastian.

James Potter: because i’m not rakish or debonair enough?

Lily Evans: No, because you’re such a James.

James Potter: what qualifies a person to be “such a james?”

Lily Evans: I dunno.It’s just you, isn’t it? Your personality. You’re a James.

James Potter: there are loads of other people with that name, you know

Lily Evans: Yeah, and every time I speak to one I’m like, who is this clown and why is he using a name that doesn’t belong to him?

James Potter: lol

Lily Evans: #NotMyJames

James Potter: oh, so i’m YOUR james now?

Lily Evans: You know what I mean.

James Potter: no i don’t, please explain yourselfdid you call dibs?sirius will be pissed

Lily Evans: Do you want me to get mad at you again?

James Potter: were you ever really mad to begin with?

Lily Evans: SIGH. No.

James Potter: can’t believe you typed out a sigh

Lily Evans: I’m just stressed.I have…just over an hour? To tell this guy I like him.And Beatrice is demanding screenshots as proof.

James Potter: why is she even making you do this?

Lily Evans: She says that he likes me too and we’re just wasting time that could otherwise be spent swiping our v-cards in a slow march towards death, and that in the event that he doesn’t, we won’t be able to see each other for weeks anyway so I can avoid any awkward encounters.It’s a compelling argument, must admit.Assuming he hasn’t already…swiped?I haven’t swiped.Have you swiped?I’m talking about sex, by the way.

James Potter: yeah, i got that i’m not twelveno i have not swipedbut you want to?with this person who also likes you and would therefore also want to?

Lily Evans: Only according to Beatrice. He probably doesn’t.And I mean, not immediately. Not like, right now. But eventually, yeah.

James Potter: brb my mum’s calling me from downstairs

James Potter: pls come home from supermarket mum D: D: D: D:

Euphemia Potter: What’s wrong darling?

James Potter: i am dying

Euphemia Potter: What?

James Potter: i am in severe pain

Euphemia Potter: Where is the pain?

James Potter: in my emotions

Euphemia Potter: For goodness’ sake, James!Sending me a message like that during an international crisis!I thought you were seriously ill!

James Potter: heartbreak IS a serious afflictioni’ve just found out that lily has a crush on someone!!!??? and i am?? dying????

Euphemia Potter: Who does she have a crush on?

James Potter: i don’t know, she hasn’t said his name

Euphemia Potter: You tortoise, she obviously has a crush on you.

James Potter: you are biased in my favour because you are the woman who birthed me

Euphemia: Right now I am anything but biased in your favour.As punishment for subjecting your mother to needless worry, you can give the oven a good cleaning before I get home.That will cure you of your “affliction.”And remember to charge Diablo.

James Potter: you show that roomba more respect than you’ve ever shown me!

Euphemia Potter: Well at least the Roomba is useful.

James Potter: OUCH

James Potter: backturns out my mum just needed to insult me deeply

Lily Evans: Hey.

James Potter: still stressed out?

Lily Evans: Unbelievably.

James Potter: you know you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, yeah?

Lily Evans: No, I do.I promised her I’d do it.And I want to tell him.Sort of.I do sometimes think he might like me back.He says things sometimes, you know? And he looks at me in a certain way and I just, idk.It’s just, how do I even broach that in a text message?

James Potter: i have no idea

Lily Evans: Like, just come out and say it?

James Potter: honestly evans, don’t think i’m the right person to asklike, reallynot the right personreally really REALLY not the person to ask about this

Lily Evans: But you must have an opinion?

James Potter: i have no opinions on anything everexcept crocs on strippers but disregard thatyou know what you should do? ask remushe’s wise like a wolf

Lily Evans: Since when are wolves known for their wisdom?

James Potter: owls thenhe could probably make helpful suggestions

Lily Evans: I like you.

James Potter: yeah, go with that, whatever works

Lily Evans: James

James Potter: what?

Lily Evans: I literally just…my GOD, Potter.

James Potter: what?

Lily Evans: Nothing.

James Potter: what????

Lily Evans: Nothing, honestly, it’s fine.I’ll tell you to your face when I next see you.

James Potter: tell me what?tell me what????wait nolilydo youwas that about me?tell me what?????lilylilyLILYTELL ME WHAT?

#I kind of hate this but I had to stop #otherwise it just becomes a oneshot with no end

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aion-rsa · 3 years

Text

Marvel’s Black Widow: MCU Easter Eggs and References Guide

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

This article contains Black Widow spoilers. We have a spoiler-free review here.

The MCU is finally back on the big screen! Marvel’s Black Widow was supposed to be the official kickoff of Phase 4 of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but then the pandemic happened, it got bounced around the release calendar, and Disney managed to release three MCU TV shows before Natasha got to take her curtain call on the big screen.

But that’s thankfully behind us, and Black Widow delivers terrific blockbuster action in the mighty Marvel manner. And you know what that means! Let’s try and spot all the cool MCU references and Marvel Comics Easter eggs in Black Widow.

The Prologue

Setting this prologue in 1995 gives us the approximate age of Natasha. If she’s supposed to be about 11 or 12 here, that conveniently makes the character the same age as Scarlett Johannsson, who was born in 1984.

The general premise of Natasha’s childhood, in which she was the daughter of two Russian spies is highly similar to that of the FX series The Americans.

This seems to be the late summer of 1995, which puts it roughly around when Captain Marvel was taking place (the official word on that is 1995, but little details in it, like Stan Lee reading a Mallrats screenplay could place it in 1994).

Young Natasha is played by Ever Anderson – the daughter of actress Milla Jovovich and Event Horizon director Paul W. S. Anderson. You will not be able to unsee her resemblance to Milla.

The first song choice in the movie is young Yelena’s fixation on Don McLean’s fixation on “American Pie,” a song about (among other things) the death of Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, and “The Big Bopper” J.P. Richardson. That being said, “American Pie” is about a larger loss of innocence, a theme that weighs heavily throughout this film.

Before Alexei turns the radio off to play “American Pie”, the station is set to 105.1 FM. This is WQXK, a country station based in Salem, Ohio that serves the Youngstown market. Natasha and Yelena’s American home is likely based in Eastern Ohio.

There’s an episode of DuckTales playing on TV in the background while they have dinner. We can’t tell what episode it is, but DuckTales ruled, and the new series was even better. And hey, we get some payoff later in the movie when they play an aircraft crash for laughs while having everyone just casually walk it off.

Alexei was working undercover in the US at the North Institute, which he burned to the ground before making his escape. In Black Widow Vol 3 #1, Natasha decided to retire to Arizona but she and other Red Room victims were hounded by the North Institute. Spurred to investigate the situation, Natasha returned to Russia where she discovered much of the terrible truth behind her past Red Room manipulation. This was a story that also featured Yelena (and Daredevil, believe it or not).

There’s definitely an early SHIELD logo on the trucks chasing the family to the very end there.

The plane number is 258. In Incredible Hulk #258, we get the first appearance of the Soviet Super-Soldiers (later named the Winter Guard), a communist superhero team created for the sake of rivaling the Avengers. The original lineup was Ursa Major (more on him in a minute), Darkstar, Vanguard, and the fifth Crimson Dynamo (more on this, too). Over time, Red Guardian joined their ranks, though it was Josef Petkus and not Alexei Shostakov.

This is a perfect cold open, the kind that James Bond movies excelled at, and it’s far from the only Bond parallel we’ll get in the film.

The Opening Credits

There’s all kinds of stuff happening in the opening credits, including the film’s villain Dreykov being inserted into photos with various world leaders, including President Bill Clinton, President George W. Bush’s Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice, and others. The Red Room’s influence knows no national boundaries, it seems.

The overall effect is to imply that Dreykov and the Widows have been putting their fingers on the scale for quite some time.

It’s also a nice touch that many of the “news broadcasts” we see here are from MCU staple WHIH.

There’s a shot of some vials with blue liquid, which allude to the Red Room’s attempt to create Captain America-esque super soldiers, which they succeeded with to some degree with the Red Guardian, but also makes us wonder if they tried enhancing any earlier Widows.

Smells Like Teen Spirit

The opening credits are set to a version of Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Malia J. You may have heard her covers of Seal’s “Crazy” and Buffalo Springfield’s “For What It’s Worth” in trailers for shows like Bloodlines and The Handmaid’s Tale.

We wrote more about the Black Widow version of “Smells Like Teen Spirit” here.

When Does Black Widow Take Place?

This movie takes place in 2016, shortly after the events of Captain America: Civil War. General “Thunderbolt” Ross (William Hurt) is here to remind us all that Natasha is still in trouble with the government.

What’s kind of neat about this is that it’s the first Marvel “prequel” that feels like it is designed to be watched in its chronological sequence (minus that post-credits scene, of course). Captain America: The First Avenger makes more sense as a flashback interlude between Thor and The Avengers, while Captain Marvel makes more sense as a breather between Avengers: Infinity War and Avengers: Endgame. But Black Widow feels like it should be watched right after Civil War.

Thunderbolt Ross

Natasha brings up Ross having his second triple bypass. In Captain America: Civil War, Ross talks about how he had his first heart attack while playing golf and it gave him perspective and convinced him to retire from the US Army. It seems chasing down Cap’s allies hasn’t been so good for his health.

Red Guardian

We know that Alexei has been active as Red Guardian since at least 1983 or 1984 based on the tales of fighting Captain America he tells while in jail. He was apparently sent to the USA for undercover work in 1992, and then imprisoned a few years after their 1995 escape back to Russia.

Red Guardian’s knuckle tattoos say “Karl Marx” which is kind of adorable but…shouldn’t they be in Cyrillic/Russian characters and not Latin/English? Is this to troll his capitalist opponents so they can read them as he beats their asses?

Red says he fought Captain America in 1983 or 1984. The simplest explanation is that he’s lying but…what if he isn’t?

Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he’s telling the truth and there really was yet another secret Captain America active in the ‘80s. Now that The Falcon and the Winter Soldier is done, we know that there was at least one “replacement Cap” and the comics indicate there were others. Or maybe it’s just Steve in the timestream…maybe we’ll find out one day, but we wrote much more about some possibilities for this here.

Ursa

Red Guardian breaks the arm of a man named Ursa… Ursa Major (Mikhail Ursus) is the name of another Russian superhero in Marvel Comics, whose mutant power caused him to turn into a literal talking bear. He became a staple member of the Soviet Super Soldiers/Winter Guard along with a Red Guardian. While the movie doesn’t depict him like the comics, Red Guardian does joke about him being a bear.

Taskmaster

This is a very different version of Taskmaster than the one we got in the comics. Marvel Comics Taskmaster has “photographic reflexes” and is a man named Anthony Masters. Here, in addition to the new gender (Dreykov’s daughter is named “Antonia” as a nod to the comics character), Taskmaster is cybernetically enhanced to make those “photographic reflexes a little easier.

There is precedent for a female Taskmaster. The series Deadpool MAX reimagined Deadpool in a cynical, dark, and very adult (albeit absurd and humorous) way. This lent itself to Deadpool-adjacent characters. Taskmaster was depicted as a woman roughly in her ‘50s who trained Deadpool and warped his mind.

There’s also Finesse, a member of Avengers Academy, whose powers are so similar to Taskmaster that she believes him to be her biological father. Unfortunately, due to memory problems, Taskmaster doesn’t know for sure and refuses to offer any DNA to find out the answer.

In the course of Taskmaster’s action scenes, we see her mimic a number of Marvel heroes, with a particular focus on those who played a part in the recent (by this movie’s timeline) Captain America: Civil War including Hawkeye, Captain America, Black Panther, and even Natasha.

We have more on Taskmaster here.

Who is Mason?

Rick Mason first appeared in his own 1989 graphic novel called Rick Mason: The Agent. Mason was a SHIELD agent mostly remembered for being the son of Phineas Mason, the Tinkerer. Granted, the Tinkerer we saw in Spider-Man: Homecoming isn’t nearly old enough to be Rick’s father in the movies and he looks nothing like him, so I wouldn’t expect any secret connection.

In the comics, Rick was practically forgotten about and killed off-panel. His son was one of the victims of Nitro’s explosion in Stamford, Connecticut from the beginning of the Marvel Comics version of Civil War.

Melina Vostokoff

The Melina Vostokoff of the MCU is pretty different from the one in Marvel Comics (who created by Ralph Macchio and George Perez in 1983). There, she was known as (we shit you not) Iron Maiden, and she was at least a former Widow-esque agent as she is here in the film.

Yelena Belova

Yelena and Natasha’s first meeting being over a bio-weapon/agent is very faintly similar to Yelena’s proper introduction in the comics, a 1999 Black Widow comics story where they were explicitly fighting over a bioweapon, not a “mind control antidote” as we see in this film.

The “face swap” trick that Natasha and Melina pull in the film’s final act also has the faintest of echoes of another early Yelena story, where Natasha “swapped faces” with Yelena to try and break her mind and get her on the side of the angels.

What Happened in Budapest?

“You and I remember Budapest very differently,” Clint Barton famously told Natasha in The Avengers during the Battle of New York. But now we know what went down…

Basically, Taskmaster’s origin story is tied to Natasha’s superhero origin. To fully defect from the Red Room and go to work for SHIELD, Natasha had to assassinate Dreykov…which meant the collateral damage of Antonia.

Of course, that led to Clint and Nat getting hounded by Red Room agents, which led to them hiding out for days together.

And before that, they were in that safe house apartment that was currently occupied by Yelena, hence the arrow damage to the walls.

Crimson Dynamo

Yelena (probably on purpose) refers to Alexei’s superheroic days as when he was “the Crimson Dynamo.” Sure, this is cute, but there really was a Crimson Dynamo in Marvel Comics! Crimson Dynamo is primarily an Iron Man villain, lots of different Russian agents have worn the Crimson Dynamo armor. It…didn’t end well for any of them.

The original Crimson Dynamo was Anton Vanko, otherwise known as the old man dying in the beginning of Iron Man 2. Although his son was known as Whiplash, Ivan Vanko was more of a cross between Whiplash and Crimson Dynamo. In the comics, “Ivan” was an alias Anton used.

We’re gonna choose to believe that Yelena isn’t just making this name up and that the Russians really did have an armored hero called the Crimson Dynamo, and if we’re lucky we’ll get to see him in a flashback of some future MCU project. After all, there’s that Armor Wars series on the way…

Also, there’s one thing that Crimson Dynamo has over the Red Guardian: he was immortalized in the lyrics of a song by a member of The Beatles. Paul McCartney and Wings have a tune called “Magneto and Titanium Man” which involves “a robbery” where “the Crimson Dynamo came along for the ride.” It’s great, and it’s on Wings Venus & Mars album.

Thor

Yelena’s line about how a “god from space” doesn’t “need to take an ibuprofen” after a fight is kinda priceless.

Mutants in the MCU

Dreykov tells Natasha that they were searching for the “genetic potential in infants.” Sure, this could mean anything like how athletic someone might grow up to be, but is there a chance they could also have been searching for a mysterious x-factor in a baby’s DNA?

James Bond

Natasha is watching one of the lesser-regarded Bond flicks, Moonraker. Of course, she still knows every word.

Dreykov gets a classic “Bond villain monologue” wherein a baddie spells out his plans for world domination before a hero who he surely thinks is either neutralized or could be swayed to their cause.

Antonia/Taskmaster is a Bond Girl! Olga Kurylenko played Camille Montes, a Bolivian agent with a vendetta in Quantum of Solace.

Remnants of the Red Room

Black Widow was written by Eric Pearson, who also wrote Thor: Ragnarok.

So… Natasha probably couldn’t taste that peanut butter and jelly sandwich from Endgame, right? That’s too bad.

It doesn’t seem that “Fanny Longbottom” is a thing from Marvel Comics, but as Mason points out it is most certainly a real name. Also, Yelena’s dog in the post-credits scene is named “Fanny.”

We get an explanation for Natasha’s blonde look in Infinity War here, as Mason gave her the hair dye. But the way it’s presented here feels slightly like a sisterly tribute to Yelena, which is really sweet.

Natasha makes a crack about “the cavalry” as Ross’ troops close in, but folks hoping that’s an Agents of SHIELD reference are probably going to be sorely disappointed.

Dreykov’s pheromone trick that he has implanted in the Widows (and Natasha in particular) leads to this scene playing out like when RoboCop tries to arrest Dick Jones in the classic 1987 film.

“Thank you for your cooperation,” Natasha tells Dreykov with a smirk after getting him to monologue his evil plans. This is as close as we get to a Black Widow catchphrase – she also ended a veiled interrogation with Loki using the exact same words in The Avengers.

The Post-Credits Scene

Valentina Allegra de Fontaine (Julia Louis-Dreyfuss) is back after her appearances in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. If we had to hazard a guess, she’s putting together a team of “Dark Avengers” or “Thunderbolts” for the MCU.

Florence Pugh is indeed confirmed to appear in the upcoming Disney+ Hawkeye series, as well.

We went into much more detail about what the post-credits scene means for the future of the MCU right here.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Spot anything we missed? Let us know in the comments!

The post Marvel’s Black Widow: MCU Easter Eggs and References Guide appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/2VrjyDY

#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

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lothiriel84 · 4 years

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Fairytale

I'm in love with a fairytale Even though it hurts 'Cause I don't care if I lose my mind I'm already cursed

A Cabin Pressure ficlet. Arospec!Douglas, pre- to post-canon. Inspired by this post.

For a long time after Helena, he makes no real attempt at dating. Sure, he does go in for the occasional, mutually satisfactory one-night stand; he may be world-weary and cynical, but he’s not dead yet, if you catch his drift. And yes, deep down under his carefully constructed Sky God persona, he’s only too painfully aware that he’s getting on a bit, and he would do better to start looking for a new potential long-term partner sooner rather than later; he just feels like he could use a bit of space, after going through the motions of yet another messy divorce.

To be perfectly honest – which he rarely is, even in the privacy of his own mind – his marriage to Helena had been withering away long before the Tai Chi teacher even entered the picture. Like clockwork, all of Douglas’s relationships invariably reach a stage where he can’t seem to meet his partner’s emotional needs, no matter how hard he tries. After that, it’s only a matter of time before the relationship itself starts to sink to its untimely end; even now, with three failed marriages under his belt, he doesn’t feel remotely closer to figuring out how to stop it from happening.

Always one for grand gestures, he can’t seem to get to grips with the fabled happily ever after, so to speak. Sweeping the woman of his dreams off her feet is easy, always has been; keeping up with the daily grind of playing the part of the loving husband, not so much. And for all that he’d very much rather not unscrew the cap on that particular period of his life, he’s still plagued by the niggling doubt that it wasn’t so much his drinking problem that caused the dissolution of his first marriage as it was the strain of living up to societal expectations with regard to a happy and fulfilled married life that pushed him towards drinking in the first place.

All those romantic movies Linda was so fond of watching, back in the day, they never showed you what comes after your significant other says yes, and you finally settle into a life together. He always assumed everything would fall into place, once you’re sitting in your picture-perfect house with your beautiful new wife and a little bundle of joy on the way. What those movies usually failed to mention was that you were basically signing in for what felt like a lifetime of proving your worth as a romantic partner, regardless that you were long past the courtship stage by that point.

And, well, frankly it all started feeling a bit too much, no matter how adoring his wife or how spectacular the sex. They had kept it up long after that, mainly for Verity’s sake, but in hindsight it was a terrible decision, not least because rather than owning up to his share of the blame, he started to hit the bottle as a way to numb his feelings of inadequacy. It had taken a decade of sobriety and the failure of his second marriage for him and Linda to be back on speaking terms, and by then, he was barely more than a stranger to his elder daughter.

When he and Karen got married, he thought he had it all worked out; she was his closest confidant as well as his lover, and they were on an equal footing in pretty much every aspect of their relationship. And above all, she didn’t require constant proof of his unchanged feelings towards her; no need for him to put on an act for her benefit, he could just be himself in her presence, or so he thought.

By the time Emily was four, they were sleeping in separate rooms, and he was seeing more of Helena than he did of his own wife. He never cheated on Karen, that much was true, but it did very little to assuage his guilt when he eventually bowed to the inevitable and manifested his intention to split up with her. She called him a bastard and a liar, even accused him of carrying a torch for ‘that bitch’ ever since their wedding day, five years prior; and while he would maybe go as far as admit to a certain level of sexual attraction dating back to that first meeting, he had only been entertaining the idea of acting on it for the past six months.

And oh, sex with Helena was everything he’d imagined it to be, and more. She was significantly younger than both Linda and Karen, happened to be a fitness enthusiast, and even more importantly, she was under the impression he was the best thing since the sliced bread. Which was precisely why he elected to omit the finer details when it came to his reasons for exchanging his prior position at Air England for an otherwise unspecified job at a small charter firm that – quite conveniently – operated out of Fitton. And yet, somewhere along the way, even their shared belief in the terrificness of Douglas Richardson turned out to be not enough.

“At least he loves me,” Helena had spat back at him, when he’d lashed out at her for having an affair behind his back. He’d let go of her then, his mind floundering helplessly as she moved around the room to gather her things, only coming back to his senses when the front door slammed shut after her.

How could she even suggest he didn’t love her, after he’d bloody left Emily’s mother to be with her? And yet, even now, with his third divorce long finalised and yet another flavour of alimony putting a dent in his savings, he cannot help but wonder.

Was he really, truly in love with Helena when he married her? He thought he was at the time, and with each of his previous wives before her, but now he’s not so sure anymore. Not after he had to sit through an eight-hour flight with Herc describing to him in painful detail how Carolyn makes him feel, never mind that she’s not even remotely his type and he very nearly gets a heart attack every time he lays eyes on that terrifying-looking stuffed sheep that lives in their house.

And now Martin has announced he and Theresa are finally getting married – his Liechtenstein citizenship test passed with flying colours, and on his fifth attempt no less – Douglas is beginning to think that maybe, just maybe, this relationship malarkey might not be for him after all.

It’s not as if he isn’t happy enough now, back in the captain’s seat, flying the old girl all over the world with Carolyn and Arthur – and yes, even Herc – at his side. And he still gets to tease Martin by text in his spare time, send him new word games when he’s particularly bored, or even fill him in on Arthur’s latest culinary exploits.

He’s going to go up to Barrow-in-Furness in two weeks’ time for Emily’s birthday, and he’s actually looking forward to seeing Karen again; they’ve settled into the beginnings of a tentative friendship of late, what with his most recent divorce and her splitting up amicably with her second husband, and she jokingly told him over the phone he’s welcome to stay for the duration of the weekend so long as there are no further attempt on the life of her surviving koi carp.

As for Verity, their relationship may still be more than a little frayed in places, but he gets the feeling she’ll come round in her own time, whenever she’s ready. He was positively delighted when she emailed him last month, explaining she moved in with her girlfriend and that he should send her birthday and Christmas cards to the new address.

As one of the greatest philosophers of our age put it, you’re hardly ever blissfully happy with the love of your life in the moonlight; and when you are, you’re too busy worrying about it being over soon. He smiles, closes his laptop, and decides he may as well run himself a hot bath.

#Cabin Pressure #Douglas Richardson #past Douglas/Douglas' wives #aromantic spectrum #aromantic allosexual character #past relationships #introspection #I wrote a thing

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ace-oreos · 4 years

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Way of the Hunter Ch. 19

We are back and excited to share the next chapter! It’s a little longer than usual but maybe that’ll make up for some of the angst?

Enjoy! :D

When he woke, the first thing he registered was noise. He scrabbled blindly for his knife before it dawned on him that there was no threat; it was his brothers, bickering over something he suspected wasn’t worth the energy.

Just as he was contemplating drifting off once more, the argument came to an abrupt halt. He was resigned to opening his eyes when he heard light footsteps - it had to be Tech; Crosshair had more of a slinking gait - beside him.

“How are you feeling?” The relief in Tech’s voice was palpable. Hunter was fairly sure he hadn’t been in any real danger, but he was nonetheless touched by his brother’s concern.

He sat up tentatively and breathed out a sigh of relief. He was battered but alive; that was good enough. He swung his legs over the edge of the rack. Like the universe is out to get me.

“Never been better.”

“Yeah, right,” Wrecker muttered.

“I’ve been awake for two minutes and you’re already doubting me? Whatever happened to having respect for your fearless leader?”

Wrecker looked away. Tech fidgeted with something on his belt, and Crosshair deliberately avoided eye contact. After a long silence, Wrecker said abruptly, “You’re not our leader anymore.”

That hurt. “Okay, maybe not like I used to be, but -” Hunter faltered when he saw Crosshair’s eyes darken. “What?”

“Are you going to explain?” His brother’s voice was clipped, distant. He’d never once spoken to Hunter like that before. It cut deeper than anything he could have said.

“Explain…?”

“Why can’t you take your helmet off?” Wrecker cut in.

“Why do you have Mandalorian armor?” Tech added.

“Why did you leave?” Crosshair’s voice was quiet, but his question hung in the air long after the others faded away.

“I…”

What could he say? They must have felt as if he’d abandoned them; did they have any recollection of what had really happened? Had they ever realized they’d turned on their leader, tried to gun him down where he stood? Did Crosshair know what he’d done?

“I only left because…”

Hunter forced himself to look into his brother’s eyes, even though the cowardly part of him wanted to hide. It was just as well that they couldn’t see his face. “I left because I didn’t have any other choice.”

That wasn’t enough, and he knew it. Hunter steeled himself, then went on softly, “I left because you would have killed me if I’d stayed.”

_____________

“No.”

It was out of Crosshair’s mouth before he could stop himself. Hunter seemed taken aback. The black helmet tilted slowly toward each of them in turn before returning to Crosshair.

“What do you mean?”

Part of Crosshair hated hearing the confusion in Hunter’s voice, but his growing anger brushed the empathy away. “That’s not good enough.”

“What do you mean?” Crosshair could see Hunter’s exhaustion slowly transitioning to anger. He couldn’t remember the last time their brother had lost his temper with them, but it was rising fast.

“We wouldn’t have killed you,” Tech said quickly, possibly hoping to avert the confrontation before it erupted. “Hunter, we would not kill you. Ori’haat.”

That was a lie. Crosshair was tempted to say it, to spit it out before someone else could, but he was paralyzed by his own shame.

“Look, I don't pretend to understand what happened,“ Hunter said quietly, “but I know what hunting a target looks like.”

Do you know who pulled the trigger?

“That doesn’t make sense,” Wrecker interjected. Like Tech, he was obviously upset by what Hunter was saying. Crosshair felt like he was watching the conversation unfold from a great distance.

He snapped back to reality in time to hear Hunter say, “All I heard was Order Sixty-Six, and you - something happened to all of you, I can’t explain it - you were… different.”

“Different?” Crosshair asked sharply.

“I don’t know, you were all just repeating the same thing, over and over, and when I tried to talk to you - ” Hunter’s voice shook, and he broke off, shaking his head. After inhaling slowly, he started again. “You just kept saying good soldiers follow orders. It was like you were all in a trance. Like something… took control of you.”

“That’s not true,” Wrecker said suddenly. Crosshair agreed, although part of him thought there had to be some semblance of truth in Hunter’s words. “There’s no way - ”

“It is possible,” Tech started slowly, “that something… interfered.”

“Interfered how?” Crosshair demanded, rounding on him. The whole conversation was making him sick. “This isn’t like one of your computers, Tech.”

Tech met his gaze steadily. “Something made the entire Grand Army turn on the Jedi.”

No one said anything to that. During the silence Crosshair wondered vaguely what would happen if he hurled himself out of the airlock. Nothing problematic for him, at least. Tech might disagree, but Tech wasn’t carrying anything close to the burden weighing heavily on Crosshair’s shoulders.

He considered making his exit, but the others were talking again. Tech looked uneasy; Wrecker looked baffled, and judging by his body language, Hunter was as well. Crosshair guessed that he himself probably looked like he wanted nothing more than to throw himself into space. He tried to rearrange his expression, but as anything resembling a smile would’ve been entirely out of place, he settled back into a grimace. That was easier anyways.

“Then why didn’t it affect me?” Hunter was asking.

Tech shook his head. “I don’t know.”

Crosshair rather thought that was the wrong question to be asking now, but he kept his opinion to himself. If they wanted to speculate, fine. He wouldn’t have to get involved.

His plan crashed and burned just seconds later when Wrecker turned to him to ask, “What do you think?”

“Me?” Crosshair tried to think of something that would make his brother back off without causing more trouble but came up with nothing. Finally he said, “I dunno - shouldn’t you be asking Tech that question?”

“You were there too,” Hunter pointed out.

Crosshair froze. “What do you mean by that?”

“I thought you might have your own idea,” Hunter said with a shrug.

“Well, I don’t, and there’s no point talking about it now,” he snapped.

Hunter seemed taken aback. Any reasonable person would have taken that as a signal to back off, apologize, reassess, Crosshair knew, but it wasn’t quite that simple. He struggled to voice his tumultuous thoughts.

Not for the first time he thought it would’ve been a lot easier if his brothers could just read his mind. He could read Hunter pretty easily most days; he would know Wrecker’s state of mind from a glance. Tech was much the same, when he could be bothered to set aside his projects. They never hesitated to share what was on their minds even at the worst possible moments. As much as they were outspoken, Crosshair was equally reserved.

It was Wrecker who finally said, “Are you okay?”

Crosshair clenched his jaw. “Terrific,” he ground out. He pretended not to see Tech’s eyes flick uneasily to Hunter.

Their former sergeant sighed. “Whatever it is that’s bothering you, spit it out.”

“I don’t have any grand theories, if that’s what you’re looking for,” Crosshair said to buy time while he searched frantically for words that could capture the agonizing guilt that was threatening to choke him.

“Well, something is wrong,” Tech opined. He peered at Crosshair. “You’re obviously upset.”

“How astute of you,” Crosshair huffed.

“Cut it out,” Hunter said sharply. He moved as though he was going to lay his hand on Crosshair’s shoulder but paused. “What’s going on?”

Suddenly the dam burst, and he could finally speak.

“Why are you acting like everything is okay?” Crosshair demanded. “What are you doing here? It’s too dangerous - we almost killed you once. What makes you think that won’t happen again?”

“Chances are, if nothing’s happened by now - ” Tech began.

Crosshair rounded on him. “You don’t know that!”

“Logically speaking - ”

“Logic has nothing to do with it,” Crosshair hissed. He turned away before he could see the hurt in his brother’s eyes, forcing himself to look into Hunter’s dark visor. “I almost killed you, Hunter.”

The airlock was looking like a better option with every passing second. The silence was stifling, so crushingly suffocating that for a moment Crosshair wanted nothing more than to be away from his brothers for the first time in his life.

“What do you suggest, then?” Hunter’s tone was carefully controlled, neutral, but Crosshair knew as well as any of them that his anger was dangerously close to the surface.

Crosshair looked away. “I don’t know. Forget it.”

“Fine.” Hunter’s voice was toneless now. He turned to face Tech and Wrecker. “How long has the Empire been hunting you?”

They exchanged uneasy looks. Crosshair’s feeling of watching the conversation unfold without being fully present persisted.

“Not long,” Tech admitted. “We’ve been keeping a low profile.”

“They were tracking us from the start,” Wrecker pointed out. “They were scanning all inbound and outbound ships. The Marauder must’ve been tagged or something.”

“But we didn’t have anyone after us before we landed on that space station,” Crosshair argued, relieved he could look at Wrecker rather than Hunter. “Something else tipped them off.”

“The Empire is hunting deserters,” Hunter put in. Crosshair looked to his brother despite himself. “I couldn’t have been the only bounty hunter hired to go after you.” He paused as if in thought, then said, “I shouldn’t be here.”

“If we really are being followed, then none of us should be here,” Crosshair retorted. He didn’t need to hear Hunter’s hissing sigh to know his brother was still on edge. It was only a matter of time before the explosion, he thought.

Then Hunter let out another sigh. “I can’t stay.”

“Hunter, no,” Tech started, but he trailed off.

“You’re already in danger. I don’t want to make things worse,” Hunter said softly. He hesitated, then added softly, “This is the Way.”

It was that phrase, the stupid mantra Hunter had been repeating when they were hauling him back to the Marauder, that set Crosshair off.

“Does that code give you an excuse to be a coward?” he spat.

Hunter pulled away, clearly stung. “I’m trying to protect you!”

“We don’t need you to protect us!”

There was a frozen pause. Crosshair waited for Hunter to finally lose his temper, to snarl a reply - and he hated himself for it, but he couldn’t help hoping that Hunter would lash out in some way; then Crosshair would have a target for the anger that was burning in his chest - but when Hunter spoke, his voice was ragged.

“I have to go. I’m sorry.”

#way of the hunter #the bad batch #bad batch #clone force 99 #sergeant hunter #fanfic

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shetheyshenanigans · 4 years

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A snippet! Of a new original story I’m writing

It’s an arranged marriage plot but with a twist :)

Plot

“Father, may my intended and I speak together for a while? Hesper will stay of course, to ensure propriety. Guardsman Taiyo as well, I simply wish to get to know Prince Kir before the wedding.” Astra says sweetly, praying that her father will leave so she can speak to the prince.

Thankfully, the king simply chuckles and waves his entourage out. “As long as there are chaperones, of course you may.” He says before following them.

Astra turns to face Prince Kir and studies him for a few moments. “Your Highness, it is my understanding that yourself and Guardsman Taiyo are in a romantic relationship. Is this true?” She says politely. She knows its true of course, but confirmation of it won’t hurt.

The Sairan hides his shock admirably but Astra was raised in a court too. She knows what to look for.

“I’m afraid you are incorrect, my lady. Taiyo is my guard, nothing more.” He says equally polite and

Astra smiles. Taiyo hasn’t been trained the same way they have and although he tries, there is a small flicker of hurt across his face. She feels a measure of pity for him. This cannot be easy for the guard to watch his lover get married. It isn’t easy for Hesper either, even though she has the full picture.

“It’s quite alright, Prince Kir. As far as our fathers know, I chose you because you were wildly handsome, well educated, from a good kingdom and I was in half in love with you at first sight. The first three are correct. I have no romantic interest in you, but it doesn’t hurt that you’re pretty, and Saira is well known for its colleges. As for the last one, I am not half in love with you, I am fully in love with Hesper.” Astra says confidently.

Servants talk after all and it hadn’t been hard for Hesper to integrate herself with the Sairan servants under the guise of learning more about her lady’s husband-to-be. Many of them had told her in full confidence, that Astra would never hold his heart fully as his primary guard had already taken it.

Astra didn’t mind at all- on the contrary it was one of the reasons she picked Kir out of the line up of Princes.

This time, even Prince Kir cannot hide his surprise. Interestingly enough, Taiyo is the first to recover.

“My lady am I to understand that you are in a relationship with Miss Hesper and as such, you arranged the marriage between you and the Prince because he was with me?” he says tentatively.

Astra nods, smiling pleasantly and the Prince finally reacts. “Your Highness, that is possibly the cleverest plan I’ve ever heard! Both of us need to marry but neither of us have interest in anyone other than our lovers. Had we married others, we would have to give up Taiyo and Miss Hesper but this way we don’t? That’s genius!” He says, laughing incredulously.

“Come now, Prince Kir. We are to be married! You may call me Astra. And yes, that is the plan. You seem like an interesting man and I like you. Everyone is happy this way. You and Guardsman Taiyo get to stay together, myself and Hesper get to stay together, Saira and Taretia have a renewed treaty and when I ascend the throne, we will rule together as friends rather than lovers.” She says happily.

She’s glad that they both seem to be on board with her plan. She was worried that they would hate the idea and worse, hate her. When Astra becomes Queen, she’d prefer her King to actually like her, even if they weren’t lovers.

“If I call you Astra, then my name is Kir. How are we to do this? We’ll be expected to share a bedroom as spouses, and we will have to act as though we are actually lovers in public. And heirs! I’ve read about your kingdom, and Taretia requires their heirs to be directly descended from the Ruling monarchs, don’t they?” Kir asks.

He’s right of course. There are many logistics to be worked out and it will require some terrific acting on their part. But they’ll have time for that.

Right now, Astra wants to learn more about Kir and Taiyo, and tell them about herself and Hesper in turn. She’s always enjoyed a good love story and she suspects that the tale of the Prince and his Guard is a spectacular one

And Fini!

This is just a basic scene but I like it so far?

Lmk what you think?

#fantasy #arranged marriage au #gay #hella gay #astra is a genius and I love her already #kingdoms

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pynkhues · 5 years

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Since you're a writer, I'm hoping you can shed some light on this. IMO the writers were chasing viewers in S2 and trying not to get canceled. Personally, I hate when writers toy with their audience, it means they don't have a clear picture of their characters and narrative. How do you feel about writers making it up as they go?

Ah, this post got really long, anon! Since you asked me as a writer, I’m answering as one (I hope you don’t mind! I also hope this doesnt come out as too Creative Writing 101 for people either. This is just lessons I’ve learned and use in my own practice, so I’m applying them here.)

(Also I have drawn horrible diagrams on my very pink notebook paper - I am so sorry, haha)

So first thing’s first - no. I don’t think the writers were chasing viewers (at least not beyond the way any writer is wanting an audience), and I don’t think they were making it up as they go really, but I can understand why you would think that way!

It won’t be a surprise to anyone that I love this show a lot, but coming from it as both a writer and editor - this show does have narrative problems, and the biggest ones, particularly in s2, are in execution, escalation and pacing.

I think heading into the season they had certain character arcs they wanted to follow which married well with the story they wanted to tell. In particular, I actually think the writers have a very strong handle on the girls (I will say that I’ve had a few asks telling me Beth’s characterisation is all over the place, which I’m curious about, just because I personally find her very consistent, and when I’ve asked for clarification, I’ve never gotten any reply, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

I mean, look at their s2 arcs on paper, right?

Ruby tries to negotiate Stan’s lowered opinion of her after the reveal of what she’s done, then has to negotiate him telling her to turn Beth and Annie in. She manages the situation painfully but pulls them through and they’re close again as Ruby navigates the increasingly lower depths of their crime life. When Stan acts to save Beth for Ruby and is arrested, it only escalates – the case on him driving Ruby to extremes to try and save him, including robbing a Quick Cash and using counterfeit money to bribe a lawyer. On top of that, she’s being targeted by an FBI agent who’s after her best friend who she gives up and then saves and then who tries to sacrifice herself for them. Ruby finishes the season the most morally compromised she’s ever been.

Annie gets back together with her ex only to find out that he’s gotten his not-quite-separated-wife pregnant. She splits up with him, but is heartbroken and it’s only amplified by the fact that they’ve been given a job by their Crime Boss to murder a man who tried to rape her but who’s grandmother she has a relationship with. Her sister can’t kill him, and Annie doesn’t get the chance as MP beats her to it. Upon disposing of the body though she endures a whole lot of pain as a result of both her ex’s new family and knowing she’s robbed a woman of her own. Annie goes on a guilt tour – tells her son, helps Marion, helps Nancy only to eventually find an absolver of her guilt in Noah, who builds her up and tells her she’s more than what life has given her. She lets herself have it for a while, before realising he’s FBI and there to trap her, and Annie tries to use him only to realise she can’t, and she finishes the season in a lot more hurt than she started it.

Beth struggles with guilt after getting Dean shot, gets the job to kill Boomer from Rio, can’t do it, gets support and encouragement from him (in various states of animosity), but in the end doesn’t have to find out if she can do it because MP does it instead. She’s rewarded by Rio in a way she probably never has been by anyone, her husband further subjugates her, so she has sex with Rio, starts to entertain a future with him, but he undermines her, so she seizes control from him. They work together. Dean forces her to break up with him due to jealousy, she struggles, goes back, but Rio’s stung, so unhelpful, and they play a little cat and mouse before he bails then kidnaps her and she shoots him.

With the exception of that very last sentence, I think all of those are narratively really strong pathways to have explored. Like I said above though, the issue is in execution, escalation and pacing.

But to talk about those things, I think I probably need to talk about story.

SO!

Stories have a shape.

Kurt Vonnegut talks extensively about this, and while he’ll talk about a few different types of story shapes, they really all boil down to this bad boy here:

Look at this guy.

What a beautiful thing.

He’s a story.

It doesn’t matter if you’re reading Dr Seuss or Charles Dickens, when you read a story – when you strip away its words and its characters and its settings – this is what it looks like.

Or, well.

Not quite.

Really, it’s this guy:

But we’ll talk about him in a sec.

Right now, let’s talk about that first little inch:

The Beginning

The fact that stories have a beginning is not a surprise to anyone. Stories need them. In some ways, they’re the most important part of your story. After all, the job of the beginning is to set up the world your protagonist is about to leave behind. That is essential in grounding a reader / viewer – orienting them to the world that they’re in, and getting them invested in the story you’re about to tell, if not the protagonist.

Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Star Wars, Game of Thrones are all excellent example of this (and frequently used in teaching) because in each of these cases it’s literal. Frodo leaves Bag End, Harry leave Privet Drive, Luke leaves Tatooine, the Starks leave Winterfell. There is a literal departure from the world before the crux of the story, and that departure is what signifies the start of the ‘hero journey’ aka the main part of your narrative.

Of course, it’s not always literal – in fact, it’s usually not. Usually that world is symbolic – it’s the single, uncertain world before the Bingley’s buy the house next door in Pride and Prejudice or the dry domestic sphere of Breaking Bad before Walt decides to make meth. It’s a marked shift, whether that’s internal or external.

In Good Girls, it’s internal.

The beginning is actually pretty perfect. The world it sets up that we’re about to (try to) depart is one of struggle and invisibility.

Beth’s in a loveless marriage promptly discovering that her husband is not only cheating but about to leave them destitute, Ruby’s getting ignored by the healthcare system and can’t afford to pay for her daughter’s wellbeing, and Annie is in a dead end job about to lose custody of her child.

Writing-wise – as a beginning, I honestly think 1.01 is close to perfect.

It sets up who these characters are, their personal conflicts, and the story world they share together, and the worlds they have on their own i.e. Ruby at the hospital and the diner, Annie at Fine and Frugal, Beth with Dean and Boland Motors.

Then:

BOOM

Inciting Incident.

The inciting incident is also often called The Point of No Return.

When I’m teaching, I personally like to call it the “You’re a wizard!” moment.

It’s when something happens that means everything set up in the beginning will be changed forever. It’s Romeo meeting Juliet, it’s Katniss volunteering for Prim, it’s Frodo deciding to take the ring to Mordor, it’s Jaimie pushing a child out a window, it’s Beth – deciding to take her little sister’s joke seriously and rob a grocery store.

(Again, I like to use Harry Potter because it’s literal – there is no return for Harry after hearing Hagrid tell him he’s a wizard. Everything is changed forever).

Inciting incidents are probably the most singularly important narrative moment, because they’re what everything else tumbles out of. Pretty much everything that happens in the story should be a direct or indirect result of the inciting incident. The inciting incident is ultimately the key of the story and what should unlock the overall arc.

When it comes to a series – whether that be a TV series, movie series or book series, each individual instalment (see: season of a show) should have its own inciting incident which – preferably – builds off the one established in the first instalment.

The Hunger Games does this really well. Katniss and Peeta being brought back into the games in Catching Fire is both an imitation inciting incident which allows the author to explore the story world further in an exciting way, and also an inciting incident that’s directly borne out of the first book / film – aka Katniss pissed enough people off during the first games that they’re going to try and kill her for real this time, which in turn gives us the opportunity to explore Katniss’ trauma, the ramifications of her actions in the first book on the broader story world, and to generate a new, compelling chapter based off of both.

Good Girls has a terrific inciting incident in s1 – which is Beth realising she’s about to lose everything.

That is our narrative point of no return.

And it works on a lot of levels – it establishes Beth as the driving engine of the story, fuelled by the chorus motivations of Annie and Ruby, rounding off both their collective and individual stakes, it sets us up for a strong narrative spine and solid characterisations.

Good Girls actually also has a terrific inciting incident in s2, which operates strongly on its own while also building firmly off the character arcs of s1.

The s2 inciting incident is Rio showing up on that park bench with Marcus, a gun and an order.

The story pivots here – giving Rio a lot of narrative thrust (get your minds out of the gutter kids), and making him a sort of secondary story engine. The core engine is still Beth, but her life is different now. She’s been traumatised and she’s exhausted, but Rio revealing his son to the girls (and tying their motivations up together in a neat little package) while forcing her to act, re-establishes her as the person who’s decisions are going to be the driving force of the narrative.

Ruby and Annie are, of course, story engines in their own right too, but they fall into line behind Beth usually, and their narrative push is actually usually away from the story throughline, but we’ll talk about that in a sec.

Rising Tension / The Middle

Okay, this is where things get a little tricky.

Do you remember this guy?

When we talk about stories, rising tension / the middle is the big guy. It’s the bulk of your narrative. It’s Where Things Happen. It’s where all the ugly stuff set up in your beginning and exploded by your inciting incident just - - grows a life of it’s own.

Or - -

Well.

Maybe not.

Forget about this guy.

Rising tension is this:

Rising tension is a series of ‘mini climaxes’ on the way to the main climax that raises the stakes, lets you know characters better, and pushes your characters onwards to the main climax.

Each of these little climaxes should be followed by a ‘narrative rest’. (that’s the dip after each spike)

Which - - I don’t know, might sound weird? I know when I started writing I was like ?? but it’s true! The closer you get to a big narrative climax, the more important rests are! Rests are – I personally think – one of the most important components of storytelling, because they re-ground an audience, remind them of what’s at stake, before thrusting everyone back into danger.

Again, Harry Potter is a gift in this sense because this is all really clearly paced out. Think about the first instalment – Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s / Sorcerer’s Stone.

Harry and Ron save Hermione and Ron from the troll!!!

Then they become friends and enjoy school and quidditch.

Harry loses control of his broom during a quidditch game!!!!

He’s okay and then it’s Christmas and Harry gets the invisibility cloak and feels connected to his parents for perhaps the first time in his life.

Harry, Hermione and Ron go through the trapdoor to get the philosopher’s stone!!!

And - - okay, you get the point.

Each mini climax ups the stakes, but we feel those stakes upped because of the time we spend with characters during the ‘narrative rest’. For instance, while Harry and Ron saving Hermione from the troll might have sparked an interest in her, it’s the narrative rest scenes between that and her setting Snape on fire during the quidditch game that makes us invest in her as a character.

This is where things get a bit hairy with Good Girls. Good Girls does a tremendous job of giving us both great climaxes and wonderful moments of narrative rest. The issue, for me at least, is that it’s not always the best at balancing them. When I talk about escalation and pacing, this is a big part of what I mean.

Remember how I said this was the shape of a story?

Well, I think Good Girls s2 looked more like this:

We had a lot of solid movement in the first half of the season that sort of flattened out into a lower stakes, more meandering middle (which gave us 2.08 through 2.12). Which - -

Look.

The story changed gear, and it didn’t work.

Think of it this way:

2.01 – mostly character-based fallout from s1 + inciting incident of Rio handing them the gun

2.02 – almost entirely rising tension culminating with the girls bribing Boomer and Beth lying to Rio

2.03 – which thrusts us straight back into rising tension with the girls trying to kill Boomer and ‘succeeding’ via Mary Pat

2.04 – which gives us a very satisfying narrative rest as we explore Rio and Beth’s relationship outside of an overall narrative thrust – he gives her a key, she shies away from him, only to fall entirely back into him culminating in sex which itself brings about a new climax (no pun intended!) in the scene with Beth, Rio and Dean at the dealership. It’s also a strong character episode in closing certain plot threads – ending Annie and Greg’s relationship + ending Ruby lying to Stan about what they’re doing – while establishing major new threads – i.e. really colliding Turner and Mary Pat.

2.05 – and after the rest, we’re back to almost entirely satisfying rising tension! Building off of the threat of finding Boomer’s body and the new tensions that Rio and Beth’s intimacy brings.

2.06 – a mix episode! Very much building to the strong climax of Beth seizing power, but also an episode that plays around with character, has a lot of strong ‘rest’ moments i.e. the girls sorting pills and talking which gives us a lot of information as to state of minds, etc.

2.07 – again, very strong mixed episode which is focused on one single, extreme climax – Jane being missing, but building a very character-centric episode around it. Also introduces Noah though? Which is a mistake. He should have been introduced - I think, in 2.05, but that feels like a whole other post.

2.08 – narratively speaking the same as 2.07 in the sense of a single climax (the girls failing to get the money back / the Beth-Ruby confrontation), but has the added bonus of flashbacks.

2.09 – we have a slight narrative thrust with the robbery of the Quick Cash but it proves very quickly to be low stakes. This is an alllll emotional stakes episode, which means narrative tension is slowing.

2.10 – again, a character-focused, narrative rest episode devoted to Beth struggling with getting square. A few small climaxes – Annie and Ruby in Canada and Turner at the dealership being the big ones, but both quickly prove toothless. The heft / strength of the episode again is in character moments, not narrative thrust. Again - slowing it down.

2.11 – oh, what do we have here? Another character-focused, narrative rest episode? I love this episode – it’s one of my favourites of the show, but it’s intensely character focused. Very much centred in waving away the smoke around both Noah and Rio for Annie and Beth respectively. No dramatic climaxes. Slowing the story down even further.

2.12 – another narrative rest episode. A lot of slow exposition of Mary Pat and Jeff, which is good to know, but I’d argue placed badly in the season. This season’s already been slowing down despite the narrative timeline tightening, but this episode only further pushes on the brakes for Dean’s new job, Beth and Dean’s divorce, Beth and Rio’s break up. Two very small climaxes - the lawyer telling Ruby he knows about the money and the Boomer reveal but - in the context of the season - actually pretty low stakes. Again. Slowing down the narrative.

2.13 – A BIG CLIMAX EPISODE WHAT IS GOING ON???

What I’m saying in this is that the pacing in the back half of the season was, to me at least, fundamentally off. They hadn’t steered a strong enough narrative spine to take us through the season, and got heavily invested in character moments and not-entirely-thought-out-fallout in the back half of the season – it didn’t understand it’s own narrative thrust well enough to get us through. It also established a certain pacing with us in the first half of the season and shifted gears halfway through.

You can’t have your first three or six episodes be high-stakes-high-action, and then make the back end of your season same-stakes-low-action and top it all off with an explosive, poorly built-up finale in the way that they did.

There wasn’t enough thrust to push us through to the scene in Rio’s loft – neither narratively or in a character sense, and as a result, those last few episodes fall apart. Even beyond that though, the season escalated quickly then - - didn’t really know what to do with those escalations? It plateaued, which is indicative of bad pacing across the season.

I actually do think it’d be a relatively easy fix? I’d bring the Noah arc forwards and actually fiddle with the Beth and Rio break ups - get one even closer the tinale and make it more painful. Make it a climax in itself.

But anyway, haha:

The Resolution

All stories have a resolution too of course.

The resolution can be 30 seconds or 30 minutes – it’s a time to tie up loose ends and to reassure your audience that the journey they’ve been on is worthwhile.

(After all – you’ll notice the story diagram is not symmetrical – we never finish where we began).

I’m not going to talk too much about resolutions because at the end of the day – resolutions should fall fairly naturally out of your beginning, your inciting incident, your rising tension. It should tumble out like the double wedding at the end of Pride and Prejudice, but I will say that the s2 resolution was...err, not good. In no small part because it didn’t fall out of what we’d been told all season. They’d established a certain throughline and then taken it back, and that was nagl to be honest.

On the plus side though - it wasn’t a finale, so I have my fingers crossed they can fix it!

But yes, back to your ask, anon.

No, I don’t think that the writers were pandering. I think they went in with a sketched outline and that they probably got lost in the back end of the season and weren’t quite sure how to drum up the final act, which meant that final act didn’t work.

Ah, this post got so long! I hope it wasn’t boring or too self-indulgent or silly, and that you got something out of it! I am, of course, always happy to answer writing questions, and I hope you liked reading my story ramblings ;-)

#writing posts #gg season 2 #welcome to my ama

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thelawyerthatwaspromised · 5 years

Text

Episode 1 Should Have Been Titled “The Truth”

Simply put...there was major indications that we are getting dark!Dany, Jonsa, and political!Jon in this last season. The major signs and subtle nuances were extremely consistent. The only real complaints I’ve seen is the “flavor” of some of Jon’s actions in episode 1. It’s an understandable criticism but I really think we were fed quite well for a premiere and a TON of plot boxes were checked off and done so quickly enough that the “there’s no enough time!” argument against the Big 3 is really starting to ring hollow.

I think I’ll work largely going theory by theory here and showing what makes them all even more likely than ever.

Big 3 Jonsa Fan Theories

1.) dark!Dany

If you don’t know already...the dark!Dany theory is the idea that Daenerys Targaryen’s arc has been tell the story of an emerging antagonist - principally with Jon Snow as her main political foe.

This is probably the easiest of the Big 3 to identify in Winterfell. Right off the bat, we get a glimpse. The Northerners don’t approve of Dany, very clearly. She gets satisfaction when her dragons flyover and terrify the bejeebers out of the commoners.

Charming.

We move on to the terrifically uncomfortable first meeting with Sansa...and we all know how this went.

I think EC did a really good job conveying the air of superiority and her dissatisfaction with Sansa’s response.

Dany doesn’t have much a poker face. And it’s shown to be contentious for good reason.

This is the first time she’s ever been to WF and she expects to be called “My Queen” like everybody is Jorah Mormont. That’s just not how it works. The first town hall meeting with the North goes even worse than the initial greeting.

“What exactly do dragons eat anyway?” “Whatever they want.”

Bingo bango. If EVER you needed a money quote point to Dany both 1) being oblivious to what it means to be a good politician; and 2) being an entitled ruler who believes the rules don’t apply to her...this is it.

And it mirrors what we’ve seen before with regard to the dragons.

Ring a bell?

Then we get maybe the darkest Dany moment of the episode. Well...at least one of the top 10 darkest Dany moments of the episode.

“If she can’t respect me...”

Then what, Dany?

Her subtle head shake before she says it conveys a “don’t you get it, Jon?” She follows it up with a very intentional narrowing of her eyes...she’s letting Jon fill in the blanks of what she means here. It’s impossible to ignore the implications.

Notice that Jon doesn’t look too thrilled and gets yet more confirmation that he is walking a very, very fine line.

Next, we get the culmination of a lot of offseason speculation that, as a Jonsa/dark!Dany/political!Jon believer...was told was NEVER going to become an issue: the burning of Randyll and Dickon Tarly.

Let’s recap...

Wonderful advice. Then..

We know how this turned out. And we were shown pretty emphatically that, yes, burning a father and son alive when they are prisoners of war is going to be viewed negatively by a family member of that father and son and it’s probably going to have an effect on how a region feels about you when your father started a war by deciding to burn a father and son alive (or burning a father and strangling a son, as in the books).

So she bumps into Sam. Because Sam’s connection to Jorah does, again, matter. Sam happens to mention he belongs to House Tarly...and Dany’s demeanor gets noticeably stiffer and more steely.

Let’s unpack this.

Randyll Tarly wasn’t executed for being a bad father. He wasn’t executed as a form of justice for “betraying” House Tyrell. He was executed specifically because he would not bend the knee. Bending the knee would have allowed Randyll Tarly to have the exact same lifestyle he’d had before he’d bent the knee. So, again, this was not an act of justice. It was an act of dominance. Unequivocally.

Then...she reveals that Dickon Tarly was executed likewise for:

...standing by his dad. Please, if you have belief in Daenerys as a hero at this point, consider the extraordinary meaning of her words here.

The Loot Train Battle was a temporary triumph and a long term disaster for Dany. There’s not enough food to eat and she executed the members of maybe the greatest non-great house (in stature) in Westeros, people that could have at the very least been valuable hostages. And it’s hurting her now even double because the surviving son of the man she executed is best friends with the man she wants to romance and who holds her only chance for political cohesiveness in her newly “acquired” kingdom. What a complete and total disaster for her. Rightfully so.

2.) political!Jon

I’m going to say that political!Jon is probably the hardest of the Big 3 to identify in the episode...but then again it was hard to identify last season too. The difference is that I’ve actually been seeing much more popular speculation that Jon isn’t necessarily as blind and foolish as he might be leading on.

First, let me remind everyone of what I think is basically the central thesis of political!Jon:

What I’m seeing from Jon, maybe more than I even anticipated from Season 7 is that his actions are also colored by a distinct emotion that seems to be increasing as the “game” goes on: fear.

Yes, Jon is afraid of what Dany might be capable of doing. To his war efforts. To his home. To his loved ones. So now, I’m practically ready to amend my central thesis of political!Jon to read:

political!Jon is the theory that Jon’s main objective for the entirety of the time after he left Winterfell was centered on obtaining Daenerys as an ally so that her resources could be redirected to the Army of the Dead. This objective was the primary reason for every significant action he took in Season 7, culminating in Jon determining that he must bend the knee in order to get Daenerys’ help in the North - and an increasing realization that, at all costs, Jon must never appear to be a threat to Daenerys’ quest for power else he and his loved ones would become her enemy and he is not powerful enough to stop her.

It’s startling in a way. He truly is Torrhen Stark in this scenario. Think back to what Jon’s seen:

A terrifying first meeting where he’s told that by calling himself a king, he’s in open rebellion against Daenerys...

And asserted her belief that she is entitled to his home...

She leveraged his fear of destruction to demand that he bend the knee...

He watched her berate her Hand for the crime of not wanting his family dead quite enough for her liking...

He had to talk her out of using her dragons on King’s Landing...

He knows how she views her “children” as her source of “specialness” and that she craves being viewed as special...

Because she told him exactly that...

And he knows that even after SEEING the Night King, she gave him no indication that she was willing to halt her war efforts in the south to help save the world unless Cersei agreed. (she also stupidly believed Cersei)

So we get to the first town hall meeting...and Jon drops this incredible truth bomb...

Act surprised if you want...but he’s only confirming what he’s said the whole damn time...

He declared in front of EVERYBODY that he could not protect the North while holding onto his crown. He doesn’t care about Dany getting her chair. He doesn’t care about her war against Cersei. BUT because of who Dany revealed herself to be throughout the Season 7 (very powerful and very volatile) Jon’s learned that being her enemy is an untenable position.

Follow this thought process if you’re still skeptical:

Did Jon believe his crown was important?

Yes, he refused to give it up during the season because of exactly that. It does matter.

Why would he change his mind then?

Theory 1: His relationship with Dany has shown him that titles don’t matter. Ok, well that’s hogwash because now Dany is threatening Sansa for not respecting her enough...and Jon himself was threatened in Season 7 for not bowing to her and calling her Queen.

Theory 2: Jon is intimately aware of how important titles are to Daenerys. And that’s exactly why he has to make her believe he could never be threat to her. He knows the things she’s said; the things she’s threatened. He knows how her priorities...else the Dragonpit summit wouldn’t have been necessary to get Dany’s agreement to help in the North. Jon is terrified of the idea of becoming her enemy because he knows how incapable Dany is at seeing things any way other than black and white.

Considering Jon explicitly states that having the crown prevents him protecting the North...I know which theory I find more plausible. You can make up your own mind on that.

This explains Jon’s behavior, I think, better than any other idea. Jon fears Dany. He fears that speaking out against Dany exposes people he cares about. He needs them to realize that this is a dangerous situation. And I think they get that - but I’m not quite sure yet that they understand the amount of destruction that Dany has openly threatened to exact on her enemies.

Sansa is more outspoken now and more confident. When Jon jokes with Arya about Sansa thinking she’s smarter than everyone, he very obviously remembers back when Sansa said that Dany would try to force his political submission before he left for Dragonstone. And that’s exactly what happened. He told Tyrion that Sansa is smart. It’s not a secret that he knows Sansa is smart. But, in my opinion, his fear is centered on Sansa being outspoken to the point where she enrages Dany and puts herself at risk...which is EXACTLY what happened...

This is precisely what Jon fears.

“I’ll protect you, I promise” and

“I had a choice: keep my crown or protect the North.”

His submission is his way of preserving lives.

What’s the best indication that Jon fears Dany? It’s the R+L=J reveal.

So Jon’s finding this out for the first time...his initial reaction is disgust. It took Jon 16 seconds to say “I’m so sorry”. He was at a loss for words. And then Jon has to deflect, deflect, deflect.

His next words? Do they address the problem? Or do they display the heart of Jon’s problem? The latter.

This is a big nothing from Jon. The reality is that this war has put Jon in an absolutely terrible situation and he hates it. But what “war”? Hasn’t he pledged himself in TWO wars?

Why would defeating the NK be in any way connected to Dany killing the Tarlys in the other war? The answer? Jon’s only doing what he’s doing and not openly confronting the realities of who Dany is because he absolutely believes that he MUST delay addressing this situation because raising issues with Dany when the war with the NK is so near creates havoc that Jon can’t even comprehend.

He’s terrified of addressing what’s happened to Sam’s family and he’s probably not even sure what to do next.

To Sam’s credit, he cuts right through the bullshit and presses Jon on the “rightness” of Dany’s actions: “would you have done it?”

I’m not going to go into some silly discussion about “well gosh, hanging Olly is exactly the same as executing the Tarlys”. They’re not the same, but it doesn’t really matter because according to the writers - executing prisoners of war for not bending the knee is very very bad and significantly different than hanging someone who stabbed you in the chest. And we all know Jon Snow wouldn’t execute someone for the simple crime of not bending the knee and recognizing him as a monarch. Every single shallow thing Jon says back is countered immediately by Sam because we know that Sam’s right.

“I wasn’t a king” “But you were. You’ve always been.” “I gave up my crown, Sam...”

JON WALKS AWAY AFTER TELLING SAM HE GAVE UP HIS CROWN.

He’s visibly upset about it. Sam tells him that Dany executed his family...and Jon feels powerless to do anything about it. He tries to walk away when telling Sam he gave up his crown.

Ok, so, if titles don’t matter, then why does having a crown or not having a crown determine whether Jon can say whether he would or wouldn’t have made the same choice Dany made? Jon is saying it’s his not his place to say because he doesn’t have a crown anymore - just after saying that titles and crowns don’t matter.

They do matter. And Jon knows this. But he can’t say it. Not yet.

The last bit of powerful political!Jon evidence is in Jon’s reaction to being told he’s the rightful heir. That, in Sam’s opinion, Jon should be the King and Dany should not by Queen. (gonna go ahead and say this means Sam’s not going to be in favor of Jon-Dany marriage...)

Jon’s first thoughts are to step towards Sam and express anger that Ned lied all those years. Then Sam explains that Ned did it to protect him. And that Jon is the TRUE King. And this is where Jon’s episode-long poker face starts to really fall apart. Jon’s backing away. Stunned. Not totally unexpected...but it’s his first words that REALLY paint the picture.

He’s immediately terrified of the talk of succession. If Jon is SO SURE that titles don’t matter. If he’s SO SURE that she’s a good queen. If he’s SO SURE that “it doesn’t matter” - why are these his thoughts. Why is he panicked? Why is he unable to make eye contact? He learns that his birth wasn’t anything like he thought and his first real words about it jump to what it means for him politically.

Sam says what he thinks: she shouldn’t be the Queen. And this evokes terror in Jon’s mind...

It’s treason. His birth status would be viewed as treason. If Dany is a just queen. If she believes in the rule of law. Then Jon SHOULD be the King and Dany should not be the Queen. it’s the line of succession. But...again...titles DO matter. They matter to Daenerys above all. Jon has spent the entire time since he bent the knee trying to craft an image of himself as a total non-threat.

He had made the best decision for the safety of his people.

“When you play the Game of Thrones; you win or you die.”

Jon had very intentionally played the Game of Thrones by not playing the game of thrones. It was the only way for him to survive. Now, The Truth of his birth throws his entire plan out the window. He’s scared. He’s backing away. He’s panicking. Because he knows what it means. He realized at some point that when it comes to Daenerys Stormborn or House Targaryen, you bend the knee and live or you do not, and you die.

Daenerys essentially uses “you win or you die” as her motto. Jon chose the option that Mance refused. He bent the knee. He became Torrhen Stark. Except now imagine he is exactly the threat to Dany’s reign that he tried so tirelessly to avoid.

It’s so clear in Jon’s reactions that he’s afraid. It’s so clear in what he said that he came to view his crown as a threat to the safety of his people BECAUSE titles matter so deeply to Dany. RLJ just exposed ALL of that because his reaction is utter terror.

I can’t even get to the Jonsa stuff because this got so long...but I’m going to end with the central question of the episode and one that Jon doesn’t answer, mostly because of the terrible implications of the question itself.

No. She wouldn’t. And he’s known it all along. And The Truth of that is what scares him most of all.

#jonsa #jon x sansa #political jon theory #political!jon #tltwp meta #anti targaryen restoration #dark!dany #anti jonerys

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