#him cause wow that was...heavy. but i dont understand....he really made me feel like shit once and i deliberately overdosed and he took me

[shilohtx]

i know I must be pretty normal cause my last two and most significant long running relationships ended with one of us in the mental hospital + one of us in jail. respectively

[cuddlesslut]

A Happy Accident

Definitely Nsfw! And Crack 😊

Summary: it's an honest mistake really sending a message to the wrong chat. But what about when you send your nude to the wrong chat...

Warning: Nsfw, pet names, degradation,daddy kink, sex, fingering, anal, double penetration, blow jobs

Please Read. This is my first time writing smut. And it took me a long time to write this. I'm sorry in advance for any and all grammar and spelling errors. I hope you enjoy it and that it's up to your standards. 💕💕😚💕💕

Part Seven: The deed

You stood next to these boys several times before but never before had you realized how tall they actually were. Towering over you. Maybe teasing them so much while you were at school wasnt such a good idea because as soon as the three volleyball players stepped into your room, the door was locked, you were pushed against into their embrace their hands flying to you not missing a beat. You stood there your shirt had been removed leaving you in only your bra, school skirt, and panties that were getting more and more drenched. Your back was pressed tightly again Bokuto's chest his mouth placed hot, messy kisses on your neck. As Kuroo’s tongue danced in your mouth stealing the air out of your lungs. You threw your head back against Bo’s shoulder biting your lip trying to suppress the moan errupting from you as he snuck his hand in between you and the middle blocker grazing his fingers over clothed warmth . You felt slender fingers grasp on to your jaw directing your attention to Akaashi who stood next to the group. Your eyes locked on to his pretty dick in his hand thumb rubbing over his red tip stroking his length.  

“look at me baby girl,” the setter said “i want to hear you, Understand,” his tight grip loosening his fingers moved from your jaw to your swollen lips. His thumb rubbing over bottom lip just as you had seen him do to the tip of his hard cock. Another moan ripped from your throat as Bokuto finally slipped his hand under the fabric petting his fingers through your folds.

“Aaah Bo-,” you were cut off by kaashi two fingers being shoved into your mouth.

“Suck.” he stated voice firm as his eyes bore into yours. Not needing to be told twice you wrapped you lips around his digits tongue swirling around them. 

“Fuck, Kitten,” Kurro chuckled “Youre such a good girl,” he praised. His large hand roaming around your chest reach behind you to undo your bra. Finally freeing your breast the cold air stinging your hard nipples. His rough fingers caressing the hardened nub. Causing you to arch into the touch moaning around Akaashi's slender fingers.

“beautiful ,” Kurro cooed. moving his lips down to your breast taking a bud into his mouth sending shivers down your spine, feeling his hot mouth on your breast while he pinched the other sending you into even more of a sexual frenzy.  

Seeing this as the perfect opportunity the ace behind you finally inserted two fingers into your wet heat. causing you to squeak from the sudden sinful stretch of your most sensitive area feeling with fingers being squeezed by your aching heat.

“shit ,” he cursed feeling his fingers being sucked into you “you're so fucking tight my little whore,,” he groaned into your ear finally stopping the assault on your neck that had no doubt was covered in bruises. “ that greedy little cunt of yours is just swallowing my fingers up. he laughed as he thrusted his fingers in and out of your heat curling his fingers and touching the perfect spot deep inside of you.

Akaashi could see your high climbing and see you so close to your first release he removed his fingers from your mouth a string of saliva trailing from his digits to you. He moved his hand down to your neglected bundle of nerves. 

Its like these boys were telepathic the way they worked so in sync working your body over. Your legs feeling weak as Bokuto fingers pistioned in and out of you. Kuroo rolling a nipple in between his teeth. His right hand gripping on to your free tit. the final straw was the light pinch kaashi gave your clit. Sending waves of pleasure over you stimulated body. a lewd moan ripping through you as your legs gave out from under you.

Bokuto's strong arms wrapping around you guiding you to the bed so you can catch your breath. Resting in the center of the bed you throw your head back chest rising from what could probably be the best orgasm you've had so far. You look up to see that the three boys had rid themselves of their clothes. standing there in front of you almost predatory. they stood there with so much confidence looking like three Greek Gods. Eyes scanning their bodies you felt your arousel growing as your eyes dropped to what each of them were packing. Eyes blown wide with lust and wonder at how you were going to take all of them. You bit your lip looking at your three lovers. Kuroo smirking at you , Akaashi had a stoic look almost emotionless but his eyes said it all they stared deep into to you with such intensity. His eyes showing just as much lust for you as you had for him. Bokuto however stood there the most mischievous grin. 

“Are you okay baby girl?” akaashi questioned.

“Yes sir “

“Good,” he climbed into the bed with you. crawling between your thighs.” then theres no need for these,” he smirk pulling you lace panties and Nekoma skirt down your legs leaving you completely bare to the boys in front you. 

Akaashi made his way over you body pinning you to the bed his hands running up you figure before he captured you in a searing kiss. your tongues struggling for dominance in which the setter quickly won the battle and ground his hard cock against you causing you to gasp from the friction. 

“She makes the pretty sounds doesnt she” Kuroo praised 

“fuck.. dont forget to share Akaashi,” bokuto smirked

“OH dont worry shes gunna take care of all of us, arent you baby,” he stated no question in his voice as he flipped the two of you. So you were now straddling his waist. 

‘ yes ,” you mumbled lost in the feeling of his hot length sliding against you clit.

Akaashi hand wound its way into your hair tugging slightly pulling you head back.

“what was that Baby Girl?” eyebrows hitch in a stern questioning look. a domineering look that cause a flood of frustration straight to your center.

“YES SIR ,” you gasped . 

“Wow kaashi you got her trained so well already,” bokuto chuckled from his new position behind you. His strong hands firmly grabbing at you plump ass. 

“Dont worry,” he said said breath hitting you as he nipped at your ear. “ were going to take good care off you too.” 

You shuddered from the promise Bo made getting lost in a frenzy of thoughts. all the different ways they could use your body. Akaashi could see the excitement you radiated. He readjusted himself his tip grazing your soaked entrance. He looked up to your eyes waiting for the reassurance you quickly gave him before pushing his head past your folds slowing pulling you farther down his length. You were lost in the beautiful sight in front of you that was stoic Akaashi Keiji eyes pressed shut, head tilted back and lip pressed between his teeth , in pleasure as he felt you tight cunt clinching around him. Finally reaching the base you shuddered from how much he stretched you.

On the other side if you you could feel Bokutos fingers now slathered in lube start to prep your second hole. “be a good slut and show me how well you take care of them,” he smirked. Directing your attention to Kuroo. Who now stood next to the three of them. His heavy dick in hand the swollen tip leaking precum.

“You ready to suck Daddys cock Kitten?” He asked patting his hot length against your face sliding it to your soft lips. leaving behind a sticky trail of precum. You open your mouth giving little kitten lick to his flushed tip staring straight into his eyes. 

“good girl,” he purred as you wrapped your lips around him. your tongue swirling around his member as you took him farther into you mouth.

“Mmmhn” you moaned around Kuroo as Akaashi started his assault on you pussy snapping his hips up. His length hitting deep inside of you. Akaashis largers hands grabbed at your cheeks pulling them further apart helping Bokuto sink two fingers into you tight whole. You choked around Kuroo as Bo breached the tight muscle.

“Fuck Kitten,” Kuroo moaned as you took him farther into you wet mouth. His right hand gripped tightly into you H/C hair as he fucked into your wide open mouth. His left hand grabbing and pinching your perky nipples. Tears prickling your eyes from the stimulation as Akaashi contiued drilling into you. “You're such a good girl.”

Akaashi was amazed as the sight in front of him. You looking so utterly helpless being attaked on all sides. He reached one of his hands up to your neck feel Kuroo hard cock sliding down you throat as you took all of him. 

You start to squeeze tight as you high started approaching. And you werent the only one . Kuroo thrust getting sloppy as he fucked deep into your face.

“im going to come Kitten,” he warned. But you continued your assault hollowing your cheeks around him finally drawing out his orgasm as he spilt his seed into your mouth . He pulled out leaving a trail of white that spilt down your chin. Ypu swallowed the load. smiling up at Kuroo. 

Your attenion brought back to your situation as Boukto pushed you forward pressing you chest into Akaashi. Giving him easy access as he started to push his tip into your prepped entrance. Kaashi slowed down his movement to better help you adjust to Bo slowly sinking farther into your ass. Both stilled allowing you to adjust to the intrusion. Akaashi took you lips into a reassuring kiss as Bokuto ran his hands down your back soothingly. 

“Are you ready Y/n,” Bokuto asked.

“Yes please move, both of you,” you gasp going stir crazy.

The boys started their movement, Moving in tandem never letting you feel empty. Your had never felt more full. Your high quickly approaching again. your walls begin closing around Akaashi and it clear he wont last much longer with how you closing around him. He sped up his thrust. moving like a man on a mission, His grip on your waist bruising as drove into you most sensitive spot driving you over the edge.

“Kaaashi,” you exclamied as your body shook from pleasure. Your heat clenched tight around his length. Pushing Akaashi into his own release painting your walls in his white seed. Your arms gave out causing you to fall into his chest. You barried your face in the crook of his neck anchoring yourself as Bokuto continued his assault from behind.

“Fuck that was hot watching your slutty pussy taking all of kaashi,” he goaded. “hows it feel being stuffed full of our cum Y/N” he continued. he looked down at his cock disappearing inside your tight ass. 

“Sht your doing such a good job being our cumslut,” he said giving your ass a hard smack. Causing you to bite into Akaashi’s neck as Bo fucked you into his best friend. Your intense orgasm building again quicker this time from the added stimulation of your previous pleasure.

“come for me one more time Y/n” bokuto commanded as he moved a hand around to your clit. Rubbing your bundle of nerves sending sparks of electricity through you body pull a scream from your overstimulated body as you came hard. Your scream alone was enough to send Bokuto into a frenzy as he fucked you through your relase before emptying himself to you. 

Nothing was heard in the room except the heavy breathing of all its occupants. Your body finally betraying you as you collasped on to the bed. Your legs shaking. 

“You did amazing Beautiful,” Bokuto said moving up to you placing a kiss to your temple smoothing your hair out of you exhausted face. Akaashi rubbed his hand soothingly over body.

“lets clean you up Kitten,” kuroo said kissing your lips once more.

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

Yay thank-you all for all the love and support!! This is my first smau and im so happy everyone is enjoying it!!!💖💖💖💖

💕Part Six 💕 Masterlist 💕 Next

Taglist: @starboybokuto-recs @insomniish @ikemenweebo @nishiya-is-baby @writingfreakk @unicorngluttony @fuckoffyoutoad @karasunosimp @k4tiepie @alinebls @weebintheinternet @callmekda @tendouthighs @elegant-gypsophilia @nanananisstuff @emptygemini @wolfytrixa @chaichai-beat-boi @nico-chin @justxtulyyy  @superrjello @chiibichann @emiyummy @azgucci @dumb-chaotic-bi-energy  @tinygremliin @ynjimenez @steggy4ever   @thirsthourdemon @xxlilcreepxx @therealwalmartjesus @catherinecm @90s-belladonna @jtsgjdfjg @indigohitoshi @its-me-nico

[tfw-no-tennis]

hxh RESUME

back at it again w/the hxh, heres my recap of the last few eps 

ok so i totally forgot to recap that one ep at the end of the hunter exam arc lets see what i remember from like 3 wks ago lollll

i thiiiiink i left off in the middle of ep 21 lol. i really dont remember much tbh so im gonna skim the ep to refresh

exposition time! its so wild that if you lose ur hunter card That It like u cant get another or retake the exam hgabjdfuhasjf Ls 

also the fact that you can sell it is rlly interesting 

leorio & kurapika backing up gon as he confronts illumi again :’) good lil family 

illumi u fool. gon is a shounen protag. he can do anything he sets his mind to

the fact that gon thanks illumi for telling him where killua is....hes literally THAT polite like...what a perfect boy 

hisoka just fuckgin stepping out of the shadows....ok bitch 

the fact that gon fucked up illumis arm that bad with one hand....boi is STRONK 

AUGH AUGH AUGHHHH HISOKA IS SO CREEPY AUGHHH I HATE THIS BIIIITCH 

ok but like is illumi implying that hisoka is a fr p*do bc uhhhhh thats so nasty oh lord. pls stay away from gon, and killua, and like everyone as a matter of fact 

EWWWWWWWWWW I HATE HISOKA HES SO NASTY. PLS STOP MAKING P*RNO FACES IN RELATION TO 12 YR OLD BOYS. 

no but rlly what IS hisoka gonna do now. im assuming he’ll show up p soon (tho probs not in the zoldyc arc like i thought bc its shorter than i thought) 

ok the fact that they have the internet is hilariously wild to me for some reason....it just seems like this would be one of those fantasy shounen worlds with very little tech (a la one piece) but lol nope we can just google shit hvbhjdhjdfks

gon: it was fun when you beat me up for 3 hours and broke my arm! seeya dude!

i love gon he is so chill and doesnt seem to hold grudges except when it really matters (like hisoka and illumi) 

hanzo has.....ninja business cards....thats amazing hvbhsdjkujfnd

dont worry pokkle, leorio was basically carried thru the hunter exam by various people and also won by default. he still deserves his license tho

an exotic game hunter sounds pretty cool! i wonder if we’ll see pokkle again. kinda doubt it? that sounds pretty firmly non-combat based, and therefore probably pretty far from any plot lol

so gons dad is a bigshot huh.....whatever hed be a bigger deal if he didnt abandon his son tbh 

gon swinging his feet on the bench....sooo cute 

so ging could restore a bunch of ruins but he couldnt raise his son...ok

im just gonna be bitter at this guy for abandoning the most perfect boy vhbhjfbsjhdhbfsk sorry dude but being a good hunter doesnt make up for being a shit father 

gon is so precious ;_; 

WHAT WAS SATOTZ GONNA SAY TO GON???

why does it look like theyre googling things on MS paint 

ah yes, padokea, on the continent of Africa But Sideways 

idk if i talked abt it before but the world map is WILD lmao i love how its all the continents/landmasses scrambled around.....im super curious abt that weird island in the top center of the map, thats the only thing that immediately sticks out as not having a real life equivalent 

the music in this show is so charming :’) i love the main theme sm 

gon is sooo precious i literally cant get over it. and his hurry to rescue killua is so sweet....and i love how naturally charming/charismatic gon is....pretty much everyone he meets likes him, especially leorio and kurapika, who basically adopted him after knowing him for like a day, and continue to be completely taken by him

ok wtf is satotz & co talking abt......do they know something abt ging that they arent allowed to tell gon???? shouldnt gon have access to the same info now that hes a hunter? i need ANSWERS

i bet this whole thing abt the hunter exam not rlly being over is a metaphor abt the hunter exam NEVER truly ending bc youre always being tested, or st

ok the ED continues to be So Much like especially the last shot where the 4 main characters look like theyre posing for a JC Penny catalog while the singer goes FULL metal-screamo

ok ruth and i just rewatched the next two eps woohoo

i love that there are tourist busses that take people to the front gates so they can like pose for pics and stuff vhbhjafdsfkj and its like ‘ah yes here are where the local assassins live!’ thats so funny yet it makes so much sense

i love that leorio passed tf out during the bus ride. big big mood 

gon is so cute...hes like ok yes i understand that we’re not supposed to go in but i think they can make an exception for me bc im very polite. 

those 2 dudes r so ugly and so dead god bless

that bigass buster sword....sir please 

ruth and i rlly thot that the old guard guy was gonna turn out to be grandpa zoldyk or st lol

the fact that the dog managed to eat All their flesh but left some clothes....skill 

also the dog is named mike but it sounds like the guy is calling him miku hvbjdfssk

this cant be the first time some morons have been killed here likeeee 

i cant believe nobody has visited the zoldyk estate in 20 years damn they all rlly b havin no friends. depressing 

the whole gates thing is wild. also that part where gon gets the math wrong on the weight.....BIG mood kiddo 

ok the part where gons on the phone w/the butler is soooo good oh man. i love how gon just calmly dials the phone again after hes hung up on the first time and then YELLS....and leorio and kurapikas faces r so good 

also the butler guy unfortunately has a point, it isnt foolproof that gon is here Legit....but he IS let him see his tiny bf :( 

as ruth pointed out, the butler guy is reminiscent of kuro from one piece. same vibes 

maybe if leorio was jacked like he is in the manga/1999 anime he couldve opened the gate that first time around....Ls 

god i love this shows approach to Everything so far,....as ruth put it, half the time its like ‘oh wow they should do [x]/i wish theyd do [x] but ofc they wont cause its a shounen’ but then they DO do [x] and its like damn thats dope 

anyways i love how gon is increasingly approaching situations with his Plucky Shounen Protag Attitude in full swing, and he pretty much gets shot down every time. BUT his general determination to see killua bc killuas his FRIEND and hes gonna RESCUE HIM is still a good and pure motivating force 

like here, when hes climbing over the wall and hes like whatever i dont wanna have to deal w/being tested thats bullshit, i wanna see killua, my intentions are pure, im gonna try my luck with the dog....i was like ok yeah he’ll get over and like tame or defeat the dog and the guard will be suitably impressed bc nobodys ever done That before, and then gon will continue on to get killua 

but NOPE instead the guard calls him down and explains that gon Will Die if he tries that, and then the guard will die too for letting that happen. and gon is like oh shit my actions have consequences for people other than me, wow. 

and THEN the guard takes them in to meet the dog. and hot DAMN that is a scary creature. not even really a dog tbh. they did an excellent job making the dog Legit Scary and not just like, big and flashy looking....those eyes are so soulless, and the proportions are freaky 

and the guard says exactly what i was thinking - that gon would use his Country Boy Woodland Creature Skills to workaround the dog....but then the subversion - this creature is NOTHING like the woodland critters gon is probably used to dealing with. theres no way gon stood a chance here. the guard just saved him from a really unfortunate death 

i love all the Super Heavy Stuff in the servant house that seems so inconvenient vbhjdkfasjfld. also forgot to mention earlier but the guard guy being Absolutely Ripped was wild and kinda funny 

training montage! gon continues to be so cute. and i love so much how leorio and kurapika are like no, you rest, we’ll take care of this. good parents!!!!

and then!!!! they sync up and use the power of gay love to almost open the gate. but then gon uses the power of Improbable Shounen Protag Healing Speed to toss that arm sling off and help out

i feel like leorio was side-eyeing gon like w8 a sec u broke that arm like a few days ago that aint right.....

oh man i almost forgot abt that scene with the zoldyks torturing killua :( :( this poor kid he doesnt deserve that 

also mom zoldyck seems truly awful but i must say her aesthetic does fuck. the victorian-lookin outfit paired with the futuristic cyclops visor thing....excellent. also im betting this face bandages are from killua cutting her face 

this family is so fucked up hvbsjdhjfbakdfn

killua telling his mom that gon is definitely gonna make it there :’) hes got such unshakable faith in his bf thats so good.....

back w/the gang, and immediately they run into more trouble in the form of the young girl butler, whose name i dont know, but i love her....her design is SO good oh man. a non-caricature black person? who also isnt sexualized? in MY anime??????

 i love how gons approach to conflict is currently ‘let more powerful person beat me up for hours straight in hopes that they get tired or something idk bro’ like....i love him lol, is it in an effort to show how determined he is? he doesnt even try to dodge her blows or get around her....id be tryin to hop that fence lol 

oh shit the tiny zoldyk kid from earlier is spying on them....she was w/the mom so im sure thats not good

when he punches the rock part and it breaks....strong boiiii 

oh man that little flashback from when killua first came back and told her that he made a friend ;_; bruh 

i love butler girl :( she wants to let gon but knows it isnt allowed....and as soon as she starts to waver BAM here comes mom zoldyck JFC that was so sudden and jarring....im assuming butler girl isnt dead cause that would be lame and anticlimactic 

also IS THAT NEN??? NEN>>>??? NEN??? HM? NEN????????? 

im so annoying abt nen i need to make one of those ‘is this a pigeon?’ memes w/’is this nen?’ bc thats me anytime anything remotely weird happens lmao

i do think its rlly nen this time tho

anyways shit is wild, cant wait to meet the full zoldyck family 

PREDICTION CORNER: 

as i said above i doubt hisoka will show up now bc this arc is a lot shorter than i anticipated. also im doubting that illumis even gonna show up honestly 

i think we’re gonna have this OP for a while, as the part just at the end shows gon and hisoka fighting in what looks to be an arena, and ik the next arc is the heavens arena arc, which im assuming is the tournament arc....

also i have no idea what that weird building in the OP is but my guess is that its the building w/the heavens arena in it bc its tall and,,,,heaven 

i predict there wont be much fighting in this little arc bc how tf else is it so short. at this point i rlly think gon is just gonna grab killua and go lmao. im super curious abt how thats gonna go down, considering that killua is currently strung up just bc he wont apologize...so i cant imagine his family would just let him leave w/gon. i wonder if killua will fight them, or if gons determination will impress them and then theyll let killua go (doubt it)

thats basically it....we’ll see abt the next few eps holla

[wiggly-blue-shite]

Chapter 23 The Bell Doesn’t Dismiss You (Tedgens)

Bill knows all the fucking words to all of the songs too! So we're singing along. Charlotte knows some of the words, but she's mostly humming it. Ted seems to be enjoying the movie in silence, and I can respect that. Paul's the only one not really enjoying it, and I think Emma is going to force him to enjoy it.

I'm currently choosing to ignore that little thought. I'm just a hormonal mess. I'm not like getting overly attached, for something that's only really been a thing for like two days. I'm not like crazy or anything. Just hormones.

"I wasn't jealous before we met

Now every man that I see is a potential threat

And I'm possessive, it isn't nice

You've heard me saying that smoking was my only vice" I'm totally not singing the most sexually charged song of the show at Ted, in a room filled with our close friends. I'm definitely singing it just for me and not subconsciously directing it to anyone.

"But now it isn't true

Now everything is new

And all I've learned has overturned

I beg of you" Man I love this song. Charlotte is full on singing now. It's impossible to hate this song.

"Don't go wasting your emotion

Lay all your love on me" yup not singing to Ted. I'm just enjoying a delightful song for myself.

And now his arm is around my waist. Ok yup I'm definitely not blushing. Yup yup yup.

"It was like shooting a sitting duck

A little small talk, a smile and baby I was stuck

I still don't know what you've done with me

A grown-up woman should never fall so easily" wow this is a great scene yup. Not focusing on how close he is. And how heavy his breathing is.

"I feel a kind of fear

When I don't have you near

Unsatisfied, I skip my pride

I beg you dear" I can feel his fucking breath on my fucking neck. Holy shit. My face feels like it's on fucking fire. BREATH

"Don't go wasting your emotion

Lay all your love on me

Don't go sharing your devotion

Lay all your love on me" Ted's fucking softly humming the tune of the song. Jesus Christ.

"I've had a few little love affairs

They didn't last very long and they've been pretty scarce

I used to think that was sensible

It makes the truth even more incomprehensible" It feels like he's humming it into my ear. He isn't though, right? He would like do that to my extremely hormonal self right? I'm fucking overwhelmed right now.

"'Cause everything is new

And everything is you

And all I've learned has overturned

What can I do" I'm not sure I can get through this fucking song.

"Don't go wasting your emotion

Lay all your love on me" HES FUCKING SINGING JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. How do you breath again? I have just... nope. I'm physically incapable of breathing now. I now understand the term gay panic.

"Don't go sharing your devotion

Lay all your love on me"

Ted leans in and kissed cheek, almost my jaw. I'm not going to start hyperventilating but I might.

Breath

Breath

Breath

Ok and we're back. I rest my head on his shoulder again. This is allowed. We're an item as the kids say, I'm allowed to be attracted to him. Jesus Christ.

Ted rest his head on mine. Wow I love him.

The movie ends. Bill and I insisted on watching all the credits so we could sing along to the credits music.

"Ok it was pretty good." Ted shrugs. Just pretty good! Excuse me????

"I told you!" Bill lightly whacks Ted on the back of his head.

"Yeah yeah yeah whatever." Ted's all defensive. I'll have to ask him about that later.

Everyone starts turning their phones back on. Bill and I made everyone turn off their phones so they can properly enjoy the movie with no outside distractions. It's kind of petty.

"I got to go." Charlotte stands up. She looks really nervous. Well she always looks nervous but right now she looks extra nervous.

"Is everything ok?" Ted looks concerned. I don't understand their relationship. I just know it isn't romantic. But like. I dont know. I'm over thinking things. It's stupid to be jealous of her.

"Do we need to beat someone up for you?" Paul offers. This group is really protective over her. I guess I get it. With the whole Sam thing, he doesn't seem like the most loving boyfriend.

"I'll see you all later." Charlotte is still staring at her phone. She walks over to the door.

"Check in later!" Bill calls after her. Check in? Is that like a thing? Like do friend groups have like regular checking in on each other sessions? I guess that's nice.

"Will do." She closes the door behind her.

"On a similar note, my parents need me home." Bill stands up. He pats Paul and Ted on the shoulder. "Don't have to much fun without me." And he walks to the door.

"We won't." Ted chuckles.

"Henry, Emma, always a pleasure." And he's out the door. Bill's cool. I think I will enjoy having a friend like him.

"And then there were four." Paul does a dumb dramatic voice. Seriously what the fuck is Emma's type?

"You make it sound like we're all going to die." Ted laughs. Wait does Ted understand the reference? I'd be extremely impressed.

"What?" Paul looks confused. I don't think he understands the reference he just made. So Emma is definitely not into him for his brains. I guess he could be cute from certain angles.

"That's from a book Paul" TED DOES KNOW THE REFERENCE. Like I knew Ted was like relatively smart. He doesn't know it just from the movie and play based on the book. He knows the book. I don't know why that's so impressive to me.

"It is? Wow I've just heard my cousin say that." Like seriously, I don't want to judge Emma and what she's into but come on!

"Yeah Paul, And Then There Were None. Agatha Christie ever heard of her?" I don't know why but the way Ted said that makes me laugh. Ted smiles at me. I love-

NO STOP THINKING THAT

"Well I haven't actually." That made Emma laugh.

"Jesus Christ." Ted shakes his head. Ok I love Emma and Paul is ok, but like I don't want to deal with them right now. Does that sound bad? I just want to hang out with Ted. That probably sounds bad.

"Why are you two still here?" Yup that sounds bad. Salvage it somehow, "isn't it like date night for you two or something."

"I can say the same to you, Hidgens." I don't think Emma realizes how little sense that made. Paul's making her dumber.

"Emma I live here." Like I know she knows that.

"Yeah, I know." She sighs, "I meant it's your and Ted's date night."

Ok that makes a little bit more sense.

"Yeah it is actually. Get out." Ted is not holding back. Also he's calling it a date night now? Like a date night. Like that's some serious shit. I think it is at least. I don't know protocol.

"Ok jeez." Emma puts her arms up like defensively. "Come on paul."

Emma walks towards the door.

"Enjoy date night!" I call after them. Emma flips me off as she exits stage right.

"Love you too!" I don't think she heard me but that's fine.

"See you later." Paul waves as Emma drags him along. Ted and I wave back at him.

And we're alone. Finally. Like they're all great but now we can actually have the little "date" thing we agreed on.

"So where were we?" Ted looks over to me.

"What?" Where were we? Should I know what he's referring to? Because I definitely don't.

"Like where were we before the others got here." Ted awkwardly explains. Oh I just ruined his whole little bit.

"Ohhh, I don't think that was as smooth as you imagined it in your head." I laugh a little. He's trying to be all suave and my dumbass just shut that shit down.

"It was not." He smiles and places his forehead against mine. It's like that thing people do in movies! ...wow I really don't know what I'm doing do I? Who need to know what they're doing? Not me apparently.

I kiss him. He smells vaguely of cinnamon. How have I never noticed that before? Because wow. He really is just the dream.

"We should eat." Look at Ted being the responsible one!

"Well what do you want?" I start to pull my phone out, to order something. Ted takes my phone from me.

"No don't spend your money. I'll order it. You're the one who took me in." Ted pulls out his own phone and starts typing. "It's the least I can do."

"No you should save your money." I take his phone out of his hands. We're kind of just keeping each other's phone from each other.

"Well it seems we are at a stand still." Ted inches closer. I know what he's going to try and goddamnit I will probably fall for it!

"It seems so." We're just staring each other down. Ted kisses me. My arms impulsively go around his neck. And he grabs his phone from my hand. Damnit. I knew that was coming.

Ted stands up and quickly moves away from the couch.

"I'm ordering us some Chinese food. What do you want?" He's typing pretty quickly. I stand up and walk towards him. I'm taller than him so I have that to my advantage. He dodges all of my attempts to grab his phone.

"Don't waste your money!" That comes off more whiny than I intended.

"Ok you're getting potstickers" How is he still evading my grasp? He's barely more athletic than me, thank you dance class. "And the order is placed."

Ted stops avoiding me. Damnit he's fucking wasting his money. He's going to fucking need that if he can't rely on his parents.

"Mother fucker." I'm probably just going to skip that money into his bag later. But god damnit he's not going to pay for that shit.

"Yup." Ted wraps his arms around my waist and kisses me. Damnit I Lo-

NO. I just really like him. I'm not moving to fast. I'm moving the normal speed. FUCK YOU HORMONES!

How the fuck does he smell like cinnamon?

[tumblunni]

Ehh i think i finally summed up why all of this steven universe diamonds stuff has been so underwhelming.

YES you can redeem a villain

but you have to

actually

TRY

Yes you can write a story about the world’s most fuckin horrible person being really actually sad at heart

Yes you can write a story about an abusive parent actually being able to change

Yes you can write a story about some wild genocidal alien civilization of asshole space rocks actually only doing it because something something societal pressure DESPITE BEING THE ONES IN CHARGE WHO SET THE DAMN RULES I GUESS

But fucking hell its not gonna be EASY and you shouldn’t treat it that way.

All of this shit was SO fucking quick?? And everything else WASNT!

You spent SO long hyping up these guys you spent SO long convincing us that they WERE evil and that they had entirey different motives for what they were doing and EVEN WITHIN THIS FUCKING EPISODE you spent more time showing us White Diamond being absolutely ridiculously existentially horrifyingly awful and refusing every offer everyone gave her to help and refusing every chance and fucking fucking goddamn violating people’s entire minds and just.. fuck.

After all that you cant just fuckin have steven walk up to blue and yellow and say “hey everything you did was bad” and them go “GEE WE NEVER KNEW!” for some reason this time they’re convinced in a single sentence despite it being the same sentence steven said before in every damn episode and pink said to them years before and every person they abused and enslaved and mutilated and KILLED said while they were DYING

And you can’t fucking have white diamond never redeem herself and never change and never admit she’s wrong and steven SOLVE IT WITH FUCKING FIGHTING WHILE SAYING HE DOESNT WANT TO, WHILE THE ENTIRE SHOW TRIES TO CLAIM THE REASON THEY ARE DOING IT THIS WAY IS BECAUSE OF PACIFISM

because seriously he?? just defeated her?? and this made her?? change???

redeeming a villain shouldn’t be easy. redeeming a villain has to have the villain TRY. white diamond has done nothing to prove she really has a heart, prove that she really did all this for sympathetic reasons, prove that she’s able to change, AND ESPECIALLY NOTHING TO MAKE IT UP TO ANY OF THE PEOPLE SHE’S HURT

she just got defeated and basically admitted she’s wrong cos she has no other choice. and i guess her blushing because steven issued a SICK BURN to her is meant to be enough proof that her entire motivation so far has been because of self confidence issues forcing her to put up a false front aka her entire personality we saw so far. If you wanna tell me she’s entirely different to what we saw so far then please could you please give it more screentime than twelve goddamn seconds.

This is like how yellow and blue just suddenly were accepted as part of the family and steven agreed to go with them to homeworld literally just because they realized he “is really pink diamond”. Like they never fucking repented or actually learned to empathise with humans or ever explained why they dont empathise with humans no nope the only answer we got is that they were sad about their sister/daughter/friend dying even though they were already doing all the same evil stuff before that and its what caused her to leave in the first place. no we’re gonna just completely trust them instantly and not even continue making an effort to convince them? we’re gonna trust them so much we’re gonna trust that white diamond will also change just cos we beat her up? COS SERIOUSLY STEVEN FUCKIN DEFEATED BLUE AND YELLOW IN A FIGHT AND THATS THE END OF THEIR ARC, HOW IS THIS PROVING THE POWER OF PACIFISM!! beating everyone up and then saying the same singular sentence again and somehow now it works!! or saying “my mum was pink diamond” and it doesnt convince them but hey if we say it again with magical proof its true then i guess it works now. wow that sure does argue the power of words i guess

everything EVERYTHING they did was just a fuckin misunderstanding cos they dont UNDERSTAND they were doing bad and thus they dont have to face any form of consequences beyond being mildly embarassed i suppose.

if you wanna make that the ending then you need to work to disprove all the hours you spent implying that.. yknow.. they were doing things because they were evil

and even if theyre sympathetic they still did evil things and they still need to work to prove that theyve changed

and ESPECIALLY if you’re making a show very heavy on subjects like LGBT discrimination it shouldnt be FUCKIN WOW UNEXPECTED that the audience would see this plot as a metaphor for stuff like homophobia and abusive parents and.. yknow.. societal oppression in a law system that forces you to live in the closet in constant fear of being discovered and killed. and all the other apparantly accidental undertones of racism and extermination of indigenous people in stolen land which YOU REALLY SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED PEOPLE TO SEE WHEN THE PLOT IS LITERALLY EXTERMINATING PEOPLE TO STEAL THEIR LAND

all of that means you need to do MORE work to prove that that isnt actually what the plot is supposed to be, and more work to redeem villains who are very heavily goddamn triggering to a large part of the vunerable audience YOU SPECIFICALLY MARKETED YOURSELF TOWARDS

this was just so fucking overwhelming and somehow rushed despite being an hour long episode, and i hate it because the show spent so much effort on so much other stuff yet decided to half ass it at the really important part that NEEDED to have thought and time put into it if it was gonna nail the landing

especially after ALL THAT FUCKIN TIME AND EFFORT INTO THINGS THAT ONLY AMPED UP THE VILLAINY AND TENSION OF THESE GUYS AND MADE IT SO MUCH WORSE

like fucking hell how can you be so tone deaf??? this has been in the planning for so damn long and theyve been working on it forever and THIS is what they chose to rush over? this is the priorities they thought were important? even just within this episode if youre struggling to fit it all in then like seriously cut out some of the stuff like the montage of unseen fusion forms that did basiclaly nothing but a few jokes, and the equally as rushed bad lars and sadie romance resolution. Which is another thing that needed a lot of work to fix when the introduction we got to these two was a really unhealthy relationship and a dude who refuses to change despite being given twelve chances but suddenly changes COMPLETELY on the thirteenth one and i guess cos he died that proves he’s all good now. Except he acts all weird and creepy in the very next episode and endangers his new friends by acting all possessive over sadie again and getting angry that she has other friends????

i hate it because ive had to deal with the fandom telling all the people who were rightfully uncomfortable with how these subjects were handled that oh we’re just overreacting and oh wait and see cos they totally have a big plan for the ending or something that’ll make it all make sense. And comparing people being triggered by child abuse and racism to “huhu those dumb su criticals who hate the art style” or whatever...

god, man, its just a deflection of what the issue really is

“oh youre saying NO VILLAINS can EVER be redeemed and NOBODY can EVER talk about dark stuff in shows without being SECRETLY BAD AND SUPPORTING IT IN REAL LIFE?”

no im not saying that im just saying the subjects are fucking depressing to people who’ve suffered from the real life stuff and the villain redemption should be GOOD and should THINK ABOUT THOSE PEOPLE IN THE AUDIENCE if it wants to make up for it

like fucking hell look at how much zuko from avatar went through before his redemption. look at how long he struggled with his morality and how long it took him to realise he was wrong. look at how much detail they showed us on all the people who negatively influenced him into making the bad choices he did. look at how much he went through to make up for what he did and apologise to everyone he hurt. look at how everyone he hurt didnt believe him at first and it took a while for everything to work out. look at how sometimes he messed up and took steps backward before getting to where he needed to be. and look at how he actually changed as a person and continued learning and growing and trying to be a good person even far into the future after the story ended.

hell, fuckin look at PERIDOT! peridot had a full goddamn zuko arc! peridot had more screentime than all of the diamonds combined, and it was way better utilized! she had a full process from being introduced as a scary villain BECAUSE OF MISUNDERSTANDING WHO SHE REALLY WAS, then being revealed as having a fully rounded personality, flaws and redeemable traits while still being a villain. and moments of her proving that she did indeed only become a villain because she didnt understand what she was doing was wrong, and a personality that matched with that reveal rather than having NO INDICATION she was like that until it suddenly happened only after she was defeated. and her redemption came slowly through friendship with steven and it had moments of the other characters not instantly trusting her and also of her making mistakes and struggling with believing steven’s philosophy when it went against everything she knew about life. and speaking of which it was established that she had a very different life which had negative influences pushing these ideas upon her, and tough stuff that made her scared and pressured. Not just being in a high position of ruling over a planet in the lap of luxury and ONLY AFTER BEING DEFEATED do we learn that they feel pressured by the societal expectation to be perfect and they actually would have agreed all along with dismantling the system but they were just too afraid to be honest. Or whatever the fuck that rushed ending was trying to go for! And man even after peridot joins the team she’s NOT redeemed yet, she’s initially only halfway doubting herself and only teaming up with steven because they’re both afraid of the cluster. And she messes up and says horrible shit to her new friends and feels the consequences of her actions and chooses to change. And her ultimate choice to switch sides is REALLY hard, she gets so close to going back to the diamonds and its a great personal sacrifice on her part when she chooses to give it all up and make an enemy of the person she was so scared of!

and GAHHH that good redemption is one in a million episodes that really set up the diamonds Being Bad and should have been a goddamn tally in the “effort required in the fuckin ending” chart!

could we not have even just had one ten minute episode of blue and yellow going around earth and experiencing human life and realizing there’s things worth protecting? or a few damn scenes foreshadowing white being actually insecure and lying to protect herself, rather than GENUINELY ABUSIVE BECAUSE SHE’S BAD?

and seriously even if you hurt people because you hate yourself YOU STILL HURT THEM

a sympathetic backstory should be a reason why they COULD be redeemed, not proof that they already are redeemed just because the backstory was stated in words and nothing else has fuckin changed.

imagine if zuko just lost one fight to aang and said “yes but my dad abused me” and aang was like “oh no now lets team up with zuko to beat up his dad” and none of the bad things zuko did were ever mentioned again and also he keeps his season 1 personality throughout the entire series

imagine if peridot fuckin.. just changed sides cos she’s funny and we like her. people wantedher to change sides as soon as she acted funny and likeable but they still made the effort to actually prove she had changed! the diamonds didnt act remotely harmless or remotely good until they just suddenly are in the very last episode.

hoo

fucking

ray

also why are we constantly just ignoring all these dark things about homeworld? like the episode with holly blue agate and the famethyst slave caste and all the creepy ways the entire place operated. i totally thought thatd.. yknow.. EVER BE REFERENCED AGAIN?? its never even mentioned that anyone even WANTS to go back and save them?? and the human zoo were outright stated to be like.. unsaveable. “oh theyve never known real human life and theyre happy in their slavery so itd be cruel to take them away from it” One off episode, forgotten about. And the creepy as fuck scenes of gems being BUILT INTO THE WALLS AND DOORS AS SECURITY SYSTEMS and the confirmation that more lapis situations are constantly going on yet somehow that singing hairbrush person doesnt get all the sympathy that she did. And steven going daww at the pebbles instead of being horrified that theyre born to work as servants and forced to live in the walls because the noblewomen dont want to look at them? and he asks them to make him a new outfit?? and theres no plot anything involving them except them puttering around in the background outfitting?? like was none of this meant to be seen as PROOF THAT THE DIAMONDS WERE EVIL and PEOPLE WHO NEEDED TO BE SAVED????

goddddd

please say they were rushed or something please say this is all the faultof being given less time than they expected please say there were other plans for other episodes we didnt see that would have given at least slightly more substance to any of this

also why wasnt this even advertised as the last episode if its the last fuckin episode

hhhh well at least obsidian was a great character design and so were the other fusions and new outfits even if they only appeared for twelve seconds. and white’s whole scary evil mind invasion stuff was really good even if it actually hurt the episode by being good, kinda

man im not even mad or anything i just feel mehh and bored and like im actually glad its over. i never wanted to feel that way about a show that used to be so good. i kinda wish the earliest episodes werent so good if the answers to all those well set up mysteries were gonna have so much less effort than the setup itself

...man i should make a whole post about all the mistaken ways i THOUGHT the show was gonna go that actually would have been way more interesting than the real answer.

i’m just super glad that my last theory was wrong cos wow that would have been the only thing worse than this ending! when white pearl first appeared before we’d actually seen white diamond, and it had all this thing that white diamond hadnt been seen in ages.. well i was worried it was setting up some sort of reverse twist where actually white pearl is bodysnatching white diamond instead of vice versa. So the whole evil empire would actually be run by a member of the slave class that its oppressing, and the diamonds/representative of the upper class would actually be poor victims all along. dear god i am so glad i got that wrong! tho im weirded out by how evil white/pink pearl looked in that first hint that she was originally pink pearl??

anyway basicallly im just so fuckin tired

[15001700tt]

Mix And Match

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4. Part 5. Part 6.

Part #4

“If you blow that air-horn one more fucking time, I will beat the shit out of you with it.” Jong In’s voice broke through the silent room. Baekhyun's laughter rang through the closed door as he walked away. I turned to face him smiling at his threat. I ran my hands through his hair, he closed his eyes in return, bringing me closer.

“I hate you, baekhyun” he mumbled against my head, chuckling at him i untangled myself from him.

“Come on sleepy head, you have work.” i pull off the covers from his body as he whines more.

As we made our way to the dining hall, he filled me in on how the war is going. It didn't look good from our side. In my opinion, this war is pointless, we’re literally fighting over something that happened long time ago. I admit it was a stupid mistake on the Pack’s part bu i think they apologized. But then again, it was stupid mistake. Who in their mind thinks they can turn a baby vamp into a werewolf, because they wanted to end the feud between the two kinds. And so were suffering from their bad decisions. Even after the New Age, they didn't want to meet us halfway with our apology. The Pack is now fighting a war, although the casualties are small, that doesnt mean that the effects of it arent. Jong In and his knights found out that they were planning a surprise attack on them, and The Pack is planning a winning strategy and not a killing strategy.

Although they havent found one yet. But Jong In tells me that they might go on defense and try to make it out alive. That doesn't sound comforting at all.

The doors were open, i could see that everyone was present. I am guessing that Jong In was going to tell them the plan over breakfast so that the mates know too. I smiled at Minseok as he cheerfully smiled back at me. He was the only one that still hasnt found his mate, he looked lonely but i tried to help by hanging out with him while Jong In was in his meetings, we got really close and became really good friends.

Jong In started to explain his plan, as he talked, i made eye contact with Ji Mi and then Hyun Jin. we agreed silently that we want to go with them. We know how to fight like professionals and we would be good assets on their side. As Jong In came to a close and had decided that Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Minseok, Kyungsoo and Junmyeon. I interrupted.

“I want to come too.” i calmly added. Jong In started shaking his head furiously, Hyun jin and Ji Mi chimed in, “us too, we all know how to fight, we can help” Kyungsoo was wide eyed, while Baekhyun started shaking his head and refusing to even think of the idea.

“look , you said youre going to be taking the defense, that means we arent going to be in as much danger if we were taking offense, and you need more hands.” i persuaded.

“If i did i would take Yixing, Sehun and Jongdae if i needed but i am not going to put you in danger.” he retaliated. I wasnt going to give up.

“I am going to go” i stated. He shook his head.

“Were doing this for your safety. I am not going to be able to focus if youre in danger.” he added.

“Fine, but i dont like this.”

“If this helps, at least you can help protect the girls with Yixing and Sehun and Jongdae if they decide to attack the castle.” Junmyeon chhimed in trying to diffuse the tension. I looked at the two girls, they didn't look like they were going to give up. I smiled at their persistence even if they loved their mate to death.

3rd POV

Ji Mi didn't give up on the idea of going, but they needed a way to convince Kyungsoo, so after breakfast, Hyun Jin and Ji Mi took a walk around the gardens, and try to to figure out how to tag along to the battle. They stumbled against Yong Sang trying to convince her husband once again but no avail.

“He wont let me.” she huffed.

“Maybe if we seduce them into saying yes?” Hyun Jin suggested, they started to laugh.

“Thats funny, but it might work on Baekhyun but not Kyungsoo” Ji Mi rolled her eyes. Hyun Jin shrugged her shoulders and excused herself to go and try one more time with Baekhyun.

“What about you?” Yong Sang asked Ji Mi.

“I am thinking of proving to him that i can take care of myself.” she responded

“That might actually work” she praised. As they continued to walk, Yong Sang admitted that she might as well stay in the castle because Jong In wasnt going to budge especially since shes a princess and all.

“Its fine, i have a duty as a younger sister to protect the future queen.” she reasoned. Ji Mi nodded in understanding, she gets it but that doesnt mean she has to give up too. They parted ways and Yong Sang wished her luck.

“Can i at least prove that i can take care of myself?” Ji Mi said after a few tries of persuading him.

“I know that you can take care of yourself, but this is different then advancing suitors, this is a battle with vampires, who are ten times stronger and faster than humans” he retorted.

“But can i try still?” She pressed on.

“Fine lets see, but that i am still not letting you go” he agreed and started making his way to the training grounds.

As they arrived to the practice mat, he rolled up his sleeves and gave her small smile, before telling her, ��try your best”, making her roll her eyes, before she got into her stance. She had a plan, she was going to go easy on him, then shock him with her swift moves. And so they started.

“Was that a punch? I couldn’t actually tell.” he teased when she feigned a punch to his face and he expertly avoided it. She tried to swing her other hand at him, he caught it before it made contact with his jaw, but this was what she was waiting for. As soon as he grabbed her hand she used all of her momentum and grabbed his and flipped him to the ground and victoriously sat on him.

“It seems all the Songs know that move” a voice started from the doorway, the initial shock wearing off and Kyungsoo relaxes under Ji Mi’s body and rests his hand on her waist as he turns to Baekhyun.

“You know, i feel like i should have expected this but i still didn't, what does that make me?” he dramatically said.

“Whipped” Baekhyun stated to answer his rhetorical question. With a laugh Ji Mi rolled of his body as he got up and made a face at Baekhyun’s smug one. Kyungsoo turned to Ji Mi and motioned for her to try again. Her stance was different this time, didnt have the obvious mistakes she faked the first time, but it had a professional feel to it, and Kyungsoo could feel his muscles tightening in anticipation. She stuck her leg out and tried to make his lose he footing but he successfully avoided it and tried to land a hit on her stomach, but she jumped back, she ackflipped out of the way, also trying to land a hit with her flipping feet. Kyungsoo swiftly but barely avoided it. His next move was to roundhouse kick but she blocked it with her hand and latched to his foot that was no hanging in the air. She twisted his foot and made him finally land on the mat back first.

“Never in my life have i seen someone beat the crap out of you so efficiently.” Baekhyun mused from his seat. He got up and wiped the sweat of his eyebrow. Ji Mi expected a scowl to be etched on his face, instead a small smile was playing on his lips.

“I am guessing Hyun Jin and Yong Sang have the same fighting style?” he conversed as he attacked Ji Mi, who barely processed his question.

“Same training just different style. Hyun Jin uses more bows and arrows and Yong Sang more daggers. But were all good with hand to hand” she revealed.

“Wow, our mates are awesome” Baekhyun wolf whistled. He watched as Kyungsoo kept attacking and she kept defending. She looked like she was concentrating hard to block but also to try to land a hit back.

“What about you?” Kyungsoo asked as he avoided a jab in the ribs. She then tried to grab onto his extended arm and hike herself on his back with one of his arms bend back. He hissed, before she let his arm fall back to its normal position.

“My specialty would be swords and martial arts.” she responded falling from his shoulders onto the mat before jumping up from the ground. And dusting off her pants.

“Do you also happen to use seduction as a fighting technique?” Baekhyun asked abruptly causing Kyungsoo to growl at his comment.

“Not Ji Mi, i meant, Hyun Jin literally just tried to seduce me into saying yes” he explained. Kyungsoo burst out in laughter, Ji Mi chuckled, shaking her head.

“She thought that would help.” she admitted. A second after she was blocking a surprise attack from Kyungsoo’s fisted hands. She twisted them and kept them against his back.

“So can i please come with?” she asked still holding him hostage.

“No” he gritted out. She huffed before she maneuvered his hands in front of him and flipping him again towards the floor but face plastered against the floor. Once again she sat on him.

“Please?” she whined.

“How the fuck do you keep doing that?” Baekhyun exclaimed. “He's heavy as fuck and you just flipped him like no big deal!” he continued.

“No i didn't, he did” Ji Mi innocently said, from on top of a sighing Kyungsoo.

“She uses my own strength and momentum” he murmured, as he flipped around and was now on his back. He looked sideways as the gaping BAekhyun.

“Wow she really is your mate” he said, he got up and headed toward the exit.

“Where are you going?” Kyungsoo asked.

“I want to find out how Hyun Jin fights just for research purposes” he yelled back before disappearing. Ji Mi looked at Kyungsoo with a raised eyebrow.

“He wants to get laid.” he grumbled

“And you will not if you dont let me come with” she countered, his eyes growing wide and mouth wide open.

“How is that fair? I am trying to keep you out of danger, and i am trying to come back safely and you still wont reward me?” he whined. She shook her head rolling off of him.

“You wont die because of lack affection if you dont die in the battle.” she waved off as she grabbed her water.

“It sounds almost like you want me to die out there” he faked his hurt.

“Well at least as youre taking your last breath, you realize i could have saved your life if you took me with you” she huffed and turned away from him. He took a few steps and hugged her from behind.

“You're scared” he stated.

“Shitless” she breathed out.

[babylon-bitch]

Just Friends ~ I'm Scared Of Myself (part 56)

Harper White is best friends with Luke Hemmings, they always have been. Not only is she  friends with the rockstar, but with the rest of 5 Seconds Of Summer, as well as a really nice girl named Erika.

Harper has a few secrets, she can play all the instruments the boys play and many more. It’s a talent she has kept hidden, only very few people know.

What will happen to the six teens, wondering around the world together?

Warnings: mentions of depression and language

***

“Bye mum, I’ll text when I land, see you soon.” I say.

“Have a safe flight, tell Angus to text me back, and tell Josh to Skype me again soon. Tell everyone I love them, bye.” She replies.

“Bye dad, hopefully I’ll see you soon enough.” I smile at him.

“Be careful, and study hard, bye we love you.” He pulls me into a hug.

“Love you guys too, bye.” I wave and turn around, making my way further into the airport.

After a while I’m all sorted, I’ve gone through security and now I’m just waiting for my flight back to England, which is going to be a long time, but I’ve got a book and my laptop so I’ll be good. There’s also a load of shops so I won’t be going hungry any time soon.

Slouching in my seat, I begin to respond to some emails, from viewers and companies.

“Harper?” Someone’s voice questions.

I look up and see Ashton and Calum.

“Oh, hey! What are you doing here?” I ask.

“Turns out we have a meeting in London before tour starts again. I didn’t know you were flying out today.” Calum explains.

“Well I thought I should get back because I’ve already missed so much school, so yeah. I also thought I should see a therapist quite soon, because if I’d get one in Australia, there’d be no point if I’d only be here for a couple days.” I tell them.

“Understandable, I can’t believe we’re getting on the same flight without know.” Ashton says.

“Yeah, what a coincidence.” I sigh. “Where’s Luke and Michael?”

“Somewhere over there, they’re talking to some fans or something.” Calum points to his left.

“Right, so what are you doing after your meeting?” I ask.

“We’re staying there for a couple more days, before we head to somewhere in Germany.” Calum replies.

“It’s gonna be so fun to get back on the road again, I’ve missed it, playing on my own in my room just doesn’t do it for me.” Ashton adds.

“Hey guys- Harper?” The voice of Michael Clifford fills my ears.

“Hello.” I nod and notice Luke walking towards us.

“What are you doing here?” He asks.

“What does it look like?” I deadpan.

“You’re gonna punch me?”

“Ugh, you annoy me so much, I’m so tired.” I groan.

“It’s like 8 in the evening you old lady.” Calum tells me.

“I was up most of the night, so cut me some slack.” I reply.

“Hey?” I hear Luke questions as he reaches us. “What’s going on?”

“Harper came to stop the plane so she could confess her love for you.” Michael teases.

“Now I will hit you.” I say and punch his side.

“Are you on your period or something?” Michael questions.

“Luke, tell him to stop.” I whine and pull his hand.

“Michael stop.” Luke sighs.

“Wow, you just saved the world Luke.” Calum sarcastically claps.

“You’re so scary, I’ll stop immediately.” Michael waves his hands in the air.

“I’m too tired for this.” Luke says and sits next to me.

“No wonder you’re Soulmates, you’re literally the same people.” Ashton shakes his head.

“Shut up.” I groan and go back to my laptop, that causes the others to drift into a conversation, I’m not sure what about but I’m not really listening so I don’t care.

“What you doing?” Calum childishly sings next to me, after a couple minutes.

“I’m responding to emails.” I’m boredly reply.

“Why.” Calum asks, keeping the same tone as before.

“Because I have to.” I sigh.

“W-”

“I’m moving.” I announce and close my laptop, beginning to get up.

“No! I’m sorry.” Calum whines as I begin to take a step, and grabs my hand.

“Will you stop annoying me?” I question.

“I promise.”

“Fine.” I say.

“Yay! Thank you.” He cheers and I sit down again, going back to what I was originally doing.

I don’t know why he wanted me to stay because he just goes back to talking to Ashton and Michael.

“How are you feeling? Like are you sore anywhere?” Luke speaks up after a while.

“Because of uh, being hit?” I question.

“Yeah.” He nods.

“Not really, sometimes if I lie down funny my hip and leg hurts, or if I lift something heavy for longer than a minute.” I answer.

“Well that’s lucky.”

“Yeah, I guess.” I stare down at my outstretched legs.

“I found a song the other day that reminded me of you.” Luke tells me.

“Yeah, what is it?” I ask.

“It’s by The Maine and it’s called I Only Want To Talk To You.” He says.

“I’ll look it up later.” I smile. “I love when people say they found something that reminds them of me, like you’re thinking of me, it’s so sweet.”

“Are you kidding? You’re always on my mind.”

“You could tag me in so many memes then.” I try to steer the conversation away.

“Nah, that Michael’s department.” He jokes.

“Yeah, that true, I bet you’re only discovering the troll face-”

“I’ve just gotta say, I’m so glad you guys are talking again, I know it’s none of my business, but it makes me so happy to see that you guys still have a relationship. Also, well done on your recovery Harper.” Someone that I figure is a fan says to us.

“Thank you.” I smile.

“It’s good to still be in contact.” Luke adds.

“Yeah, we’re still friends, we always will be.” I tell her.

“You honestly don’t know happy this has actually made me.” She beams.

“So what’s your name?” Luke asks.

“Felicia.”

“Oh my God, if we ever have children, can we name it Felicia?” Luke questions me.

“Maybe.” I laugh.

“I agree, you should name it Felicia.” Felicia agrees.

“No, if we ever had a child, it would be named after Ashton or Michael.” I shake my head.

“Imagine if we had an army of children, we could name them after all of us, Erika, Maddie, Calum, Ashton, Michael, Harper, and Luke.” Luke exclaims.

“An army of children?” I question.

“Yeah.” He nods.

“You’d make some hot babies between you.” Felicia interjects.

“Thank you.” Luke and I say in unison.

“Couple of things, I’m not gonna give birth 7 times, and I’m not letting you stick anything in me 7 times.” I claim.

“Yeah right, keep telling yourself that babe. Plus, if we ever had twins, we could name them Maddie Michael.”

“What if they’re both girls or both boys?” Felicia and I say unison.

“You don’t have to be a specific gender to be called a name, look at Michael for instance.” Luke points out.

“What on earth am I witnessing?” Felicia laughs. “All I came over here for was a picture and to talk a little.”

“So you didn’t like our chat about an army of children?” Luke asks.

“It was unique?” She trails off.

“Sure. So, picture?” I ask.

“Thank you.” She smiles and pulls her phone up and all three all pose.

“It was so nice meeting you.” I beam.

“Yeah, I’m glad and kinda sorry you witnessed us talk about an army of children.” Luke chuckles.

“You better name your child after me.” She grins and begins to walk away.

“Can’t make any promises.” I call.

“Army of children?” Michael questions.

“A small army.” I add.

“I agree with her, it is nice seeing you guys talk again.” Ashton smiles.

“Uh, forget that, you guys are gonna have a baby?” Calum asks.

“I mean, if we haven’t seen each other in a while, when we do, it’s gonna be electric baby.” Luke smirks and I look at him in disgust.

“Ew.” I grimace and push his head away.

“Don’t act as if you didn’t enjoy it when we were together.” He laughs.

“Past tense Luke, and I mean, I’m not gonna deny it, but now it’s gross.” I say.

“Yuck, it was bad enough for us to hear you guys talk about sex when you were dating, but now that you aren’t, it’s even grosser.” Ashton tells us.

“Why don’t you make a deal that if you are both 35 and single or something you’ll get married.” Michael joins in.

“We already made one of those, it was if we were 40 and single, we’d get together.” Luke confesses.

“What! Harper and I made one together too. If Harper and I were 38 we’d get married.” Calum exclaims.

“Well this is awkward.” Michael and Ashton say in unison.

“We made ours when were 15, when did you make yours?” Luke questions.

“When we were 17 or 18.” Calum says.

“We were most likely dating then!” Luke’s eyes widen.

“Fuck.” I burst out laughing.

“Okay, if we are both single my tomorrow, we will get back together, then fly to Vegas, and get married.” Luke proposes.

“Nope.” I say and put my hand on the back of Calum’s neck and begin to pull him in, but burst out laughing before he even gets remotely close to my face.

“Legit thought you were gonna kiss me.” Calum giggles.

“No, you’re not my type.” I say.

“What is your type?” Ashton laughs.

“Blondes with blue eyes, and maybe a lipring.” Michael mocks me.

“Well I’m not gonna disagree.” I shrug.

I love this, we’re all acting as we used to, which is so great. It’s not the slightest bit awkward, we’re actually having fun.

I continue to chime into the conversation every now and then whilst I continue to reply to emails, I know I’m going to be so greatful for doing it later on because I’ll be so tired.

“What do you think it’s like to shove an icicle up your ass?” I hear someone say.

“What?” I exclaim.

“New it’d get your attention.” Ashton chuckles.

“What butt stuff?” I question.

“Eh, you into it?” Michael asks.

“Not even the fucking slightest, bumholes creep me out, I don’t get why people are obsessed with asses, like shit comes out of it.” I shake my head.

“They’re so nice to put your hand on, they shape your body, embrace the ass, Harper.” Luke tells me.

“Someone put that on a t-shirt.” Michael laughs.

“Your hand was literally glued to my ass, I don’t get it, I didn’t mind it, I just don’t understand.” I say to Luke.

“Oh, Harper, sweet, sweet Harper.” Calum cooes.

“So you’re saying you dont like my ass?” Luke asks offended.

“That’s different.” I deny.

“How?”

“Well firstly, I didn’t have my hand on it 24/7.” I start off.

“You had the opportunity.” He smirks.

“I hate this conversation, an ass is an ass, nothing more to me.” I wave them off, and go back to my laptop.

“What seat are you?” Ashton asks.

“8C, what about you guys?”

“Well fucking lucky you, we got that row too, although, someone will be sat next a stranger.” Michael tells me.

“Fan-fucking-tastic.” I groan. “The thought of spending around 23 hours straight with you physically hurts me.”

“You love us really.” Luke teases.

“I guess, depends what kind of mood I’m in.” I shrug. “I’m not sitting next to Michael am I?”

“Not exactly, he’s 8D.” Ashton answers.

“At least he’s not right next to me.” I say.

��I’m gonna go to the bathroom and cry now.” Michael wipes a fake tear away and storms off.

“Tragic.” I mutter.

“Could you imagine cleaning a plane?” Calum muses.

“Uh, yeah, I guess.” I trail off.

“Yeah but like it’s all empty, imagine hovering the floor.” He giggles.

“I want some of what ever you’re taking.” I mutter.

“Just air.” He clarifies.

“And a fuck ton of sugar.” Ashton mumbles.

“Ugh, it’s far too late for this.” I groan.

“It’s half 8, Harper.” Ashton deadpans.

“Your point?” I ask.

We all hear the sound of shoes squeaking towards then Michael appears infront of us, with a grin.

“I just saw someone’s wiener!”

“This is a conversation I’m not willing to go into.” I sigh.

***

The small movement under me causes me to open my eyes, and I grimace at the uncomfortable feeling in my ears.

“Oh, you’re awake.” The voice of Luke says.

“Yeah.” I sit up properly and rub my eyes, then realising where I just came from, more specifically, where and who I was leaning on, I had my head rested on Luke’s shoulder.

“Oh, sorry.” I sheepishly say.

“It’s okay, I had my head rested on yours too, not even 15 minutes ago.” He admits.

I lean back again and pull my phone out of my pocket. “How much longer left?” I ask, with a yawn.

“Uh, like half an hour or something.” Luke explains.

“Half an hour I’d like to spend asleep, so shut up.” The voice of Calum groans from next to Luke.

“Sorry.” We say in unison with a chuckle.

I lean my head on Luke’s shoulder again and go on my phone again. Luke affectionately scratches the side of my head, and goes back to his laptop.

“Here we have have a moody Calum, and a sleepy Luke and Harper.” Michael speaks up and shoves his phone in our faces.

“It’s too early for this.” I whine.

“My bad, we have moody Harper and Calum, as well as a sleepy Luke. Also, you were saying it was too late for this earlier.” Michael comments.

“Time is a thing, Michael Clifford.” I tell him.

“So tell everyone how it’s going guys.” Michael encourages us.

“Ugh, I will throw your phone out of this god damn plane.” I threat.

“Okay, uh, I’m going to go for a little bit, be back in a while, please send help.” He talks to his phone before ending it.

“Have this.” I say and throw a gummy bear at him.

“Oh, what that mouth do?” Michael smirks when I eat a gummy bear.

“A lot of things actually.” I say.

It’s a little while later now, we’re all waiting to be picked up, I’m sitting on my suitcase, Michael and Ashton are messing around, playing something like it on them, and Calum and Luke are on chairs with their phones. I’m being picked up my Angus and Josh, whilst the others are being picked by someone that I don’t know.

I’m actually terrified to face my brothers, it’s not like they will say anything negative about it, but I’m so ashamed. I have to face everyone else too, which I’m going to put off for a while.

I’m not sure if I’m going to tell my friends that it was a choice to stay and stand there, or not. They have a right to know, but they hardly know about me in that way.

I’m terrified of myself, I was actually capable of doing that, I willingly put myself in danger, with a plan that it would end everything. I’m terrifired of myself that I voluntarily stood still, because I was hurting so much.

I’m still hurting, and I still have that option.

I trust myself, I do, but there’s a piece of me that worries about how I’ll feel in the dark of the night, all alone, with things that could do some serious harm to myself.

“You look like you’re thinking hard, what’s up?” Luke interrupts my thoughts and tucks a part of my hair behind my ear.

“Uh, nothing.” I shake my head.

“Really? Because when I see you staring at the ground, and I say your name 3 times, and you don’t answer me, it seems like something important.” He points out.

I roll back on my suitcase to make some distance between us.

“Speak to me.” He softly says.

“I’m scared of myself.” I confess.

“Why?” He asks.

“Because I made a choice to not move, it wasn’t subconsciously or anything, I actually made that decision, hoping everything would end. I could do that again, at any time, and that scares me.”

“I get that, but I guess you just have to ask yourself, is this really worth it? Is it really worth ending a precious life, because you’re getting caught up in your feelings? I know it feels as if you’re suffocating, or the air is all clogged up and there’s no fresh air, but just wait or do something, until you get fresh air again. You begin to get used to clogged air, and forget what fresh air is like. I need you to promise me, that you won’t doing anything to yourself.”

“It’s not as easy as that, just saying I promise isn’t going to stop me from doing anything. Words can’t exactly stop everything, Luke. Look at how many promises I’ve made to you about this, I’ve broken every single one of them. Promises have just become lies to me.” I weakly state.

The sad sigh Luke does tells me he gets the last part.

“I know it’s a lot easier said than done, but that doesn’t mean you have to stop trying.”

“Try to what? Get better again? I’m so deep in this shit, I don’t think I can properly get out again, without the person that pushed me. I’m at a new rock bottom, and it’s so fucking low I can’t even see the top anymore.” I admit.

We stare at each other, Luke in disbelief and me in sadness.

“You really n-”

“I’ve gotta go.” I shake my head and picking my stuff up before making my way out the building.

“Harper, I-”

“Don’t, Luke, please.”

[comicteaparty]

September 21st, 2017 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on September 21st, 2017, from 5PM - 7PM PDT.  The chat focused on The Changeling’s Sister by yondoloki.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

Good day everyone~! This week’s Comic Tea Party is now officially beginning. Today we are discussing The Changeling’s Sister by yondoloki~! (https://tapas.io/series/The-Changelings-Sister) For those new to CTP, discussions about the comic are freeform, so please feel free to bring up whatever you wish. However, every 30 minutes I will be dropping in a discussion question to help those who would like a prompt. These questions are totally OPTIONAL to answer so pay them no mind if you wish~! Remember, constructive criticism is allowed, but the primary focus here is to have fun and appreciate the amazing comics that the community makes~! Each chat a top comment will be picked and featured on an ad for this chat, so let’s have a great discussion~! With that said, let us begin with this first question~!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

i have to ponder this one a bit personally. but i greatly enjoy the page where rose gets pissed at andrew because he told her she looked like her sister. andrew was flirting so good and then that. bro plz, no one takes that as a compliment

overall though i just really enjoy the scenes with andrew. as i mentioned earlier in the week, this is some grade A flirting going on. cause while hes being kind of obvious about it, hes not being creepy and just seems like a sweet guy who just wants to help out

during their flirting though i like that Lily's laughter kind of breaks in and defuses the nice warmness that was developing. it doesnt let you get too comfortable as a reader and instead you have be like "oh yeah shes still here"

wishjacked

I really liked this comic!! I'd never seen it around before and it was cool.

RebelVampire

thats awesome then that you were able to find it now. was there anything in particular that you liked?

wishjacked

Anyways, my favorite scene was also the one where she was talking to Andrew. This comic is already so heavy— DollLily is so terrifying and frustrating that even though the comic is relatively short Andrew's flirting felt like such a nice break.

DracoPlato

I enjoyed when the baby was swapped out in the beginning cause i was like oh that's just like in mythos

wishjacked

and YEAH, I think Lily's constant presence is really well pulled off!! It feels like shes always so close

full disclosure changeling mythology has never been super interesting to me, actually, but I think the concept of one twin getting changed is a really unique take on the idea

DracoPlato

yeah andrew did feel like a nice break(edited)

and same wish

I think the execution here was more interesting than i find the premise itself

RebelVampire

yeah i really like in this case it was a twin that was taken. i think theres an extra level of creepiness added since in this case its someone with the same face who is a doll

wishjacked

yes!! the execution so far has been top notch.

MathTans

Here late, as per the usual (reading about Discord updates). Favourite scene, probably the page where Rose stops Andrew from leaving, but is then scared to speak, so he's all "why am I here?". I laughed, even though it's probably bad of me to do that, because I understand Rose's conflict.

DracoPlato

overall the emotional impact in this comic has been top notch

every page oozes with emotion

wishjacked

yeah, that was a good moment! (and welcome in!!)

DracoPlato

and welcome Math!!!

RebelVampire

@math you're not the only one. i laughed at that moment too cause it was a legit question. even i was like "why is he there if you arent going to say anything"

MathTans

When Andrew was all "let's go inside" and Rose was all "sounds... fun", part of my head was shouting "it's a trap! nooo! Lily will push him down the stairs or something!"

wishjacked

one of the commenters on Tapas noted that the dresses were different colors— overall Lily is so much brighter than Rose and it really drives the point home well.

ahahah ME TOO

DracoPlato

yeah, i noticed that too about the dresses~

and same math XDDD

wishjacked

like NOOOO JUST STAY OUTSIDE…. BETTER YET RUN AWAY TOGETHER

MathTans

Yeah, that's subtle but clever.

Lily probably engineered the dresses.

RebelVampire

yeah i noticed there was a contrast in the colors that was kind of expressing each's emotional state

wishjacked

like that would be excessive, they just met, but it's obviously the safest option. leave lily pls

MathTans

Here's the thing though - is Lily being evil because she's this puppet/doll? Or is she being evil because she feels like Rose has never accepted her? I honestly can't tell. Like, how much of this is nature, how much is nurture.

DracoPlato

i wondered that too math

RebelVampire

yeah i wonder that too. cause one of the prologue scenes is rose literally slapping lily.

MathTans

So did Napples.

Yeah, I thought that prologue thing was clever. It deflects a bit from the idea of an unreliable narrator whlie at the same time raising different questions.

Like, Rose obviously isn't imagining the doll stuff.

But did she bring about her own downfall, a bit? By being too young to deal?

RebelVampire

it could be. i mean to be fair to the prologue scene i was mentioning, she was super duper young so of course she'd be freaked out

i do like that normally lily looks normal but then she gets close to rose and you suddenly see the stitching. very dramatic.

DracoPlato

i keep wondering if anyone else can see the stitching, it seems like others would have noticed that, lol

been like heey why you all scarred up

RebelVampire

but also, just wanna say, man whoever made Lily is super bad at sitching. do they not believe in the power of patterns O_O(edited)

DracoPlato

i know right

lolol, she looks like a chucky doll after the second movie or something

wishjacked

truth.

RebelVampire

i mean i guess the proper assumption would be they just had to piece together scraps? but then that thought begs the question of what Lily is made of

DracoPlato

unicorn tears

i thought it was just their shapeshifting powers

wishjacked

yikes

MathTans

I think I remember seeing the author respond to a comment to the effect that only Rose can see the stitching. Which, if so, is probably related to how they're twins. Faeries likely goofed on not realizing that was a thing.(edited)

DracoPlato

yeah, the comic does make it seem like only rose can see them at least

RebelVampire

it makes sense if its cause theyre twins. cause they share the same face. so i think itd make it easier to notice differences when theyre present

MathTans

Probably why Lily looks normal in the long shots with the party people, and why no one believed Rose and sent her to an institution. Which was a creepy flashback.(edited)

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. At the beginning of the comic, we see proof of Rose’s claims that her twin, Lily, isn’t the real Lily. What do you think the fake Lily’s purpose is for being there? Is there a reason why Lily was taken instead of Rose? What do you think happened to the real Lily?

DracoPlato

well the real lily is either dead or rose will find her later on. Because of the tone of the story I'll go with dead, lol

MathTans

There was that remark at the start about "a fairy is born from a child's first laugh", and faeries are evil in this comic, so presumably after the fairy was born they needed, uhh, let's go with a slave as the nicer option. What's not as clear is which child laughed, I feel like the Lily/Rose thing was more luck than anything, but is it that you laugh, a fairy is born, and you can never laugh again, and this is how they do that?

RebelVampire

oh thats a good catch, math. i forgot about that intro sentence. so it really couldve just been a luck thing. where the fairy was like "well shit they look the same umm....lets just flip a coin."

DracoPlato

i like that idea of them never being able to laugh again after that

MathTans

I think the real Lily is having to make/sew dolls for the faerie. Which is... not a happy place.

RebelVampire

maybe theres an optimistic plot twist and the real lily is now the fairy queen O_O

and is ordering the kidnapping of babies

DracoPlato

looooool

MathTans

Real Lily has forgotten all about her real life, oh noooo!

DracoPlato

maybe this is the real lily and rose really is crazy tho

MathTans

Rose was the doll all along! O.o

DracoPlato

maybe there never was a twin

fight club

MathTans

Oh, wow, damn. Draco, you win for crazy theories that might be true.

DracoPlato

since the genre is horresque I wouldn't rule it out at least

cause i think what people fear most is losing themselves

MathTans

I mean, sure, we see the both of them at the ball or whatever, but maybe the family adopted Lily after Rose went crazy.

RebelVampire

i dont rule out rose just being legit crazy. im actually sad rose doesnt even consider this herself. which really thats the sign of her being crazy. that she doesnt question why shes the only one who sees it.

MathTans

When you've been smacked around as much as Rose, you probably stop questioning stuff like that.

DracoPlato

yeah, also lily hasn't actually killed her or brutally maimed her, so even if she's not real, why is rose being a jerk to her necessarily. I mean maybe lily just smacks her around a bit cause rose is always yelling at her and trying to tell people bad things about her

but rose isn't walking around all bruised up, just saying

MathTans

Rose seems too legit scared to be the aggressor though, at least at the time the story takes place. She also seems too afraid to say anything more. And the maid would seem to back up that Lily's in charge.

DracoPlato

i think tha'ts because they had her committed tho

which if she just shut up about it wouldn't have happened in the first place

RebelVampire

to be fair tho, cause were missing a lot of before, she could be the aggressor in a more subtle way. maybe the reason lily assumes rose is lying about telling andrew nothing is this is not the first time rose has done something like this. maybe rose is a class A manipulator. looks all demure and helpless to lure people in and then she tells them the story and ppl humor her at least cause they want to be sympathetic to rose

DracoPlato

yeah, that got me too

that it was apparent rose had been telling people about it before

RebelVampire

but im not saying i believe this 100%. XD i just think theres evidence for it looked at it from the right way

more likely i assume rose is just legit being abused and lily a dick

cause rose gonna blow lily's cover

MathTans

Yeah, I kind of assume Rose is a reliable narrator.

DracoPlato

yeah, it's just speculation on my end too

I do think it's most probable she's a reliable narrator

MathTans

Maybe once Rose gets Lily back, they can bond better with the doll and be a fun set of triplets.

DracoPlato

loooool

that'd be a 180 on tone

RebelVampire

i dont think rose is a reliable narrator but i dont think shes a bad person. i just think because we see everything through her viewpoint, were getting a really biased story from her PoV. so a lot of what we see of lily is still kind of her biased interpretation of the bigger picture

DracoPlato

lyall says we must defend the fairies

RebelVampire

cause part of me feels sympathy for lily. not that i dont think shes a jerk for being abusive. but on the otherhand maybe lily's purpose is she had no purpose. for all we know lily just wants to fit in, be with humans and be a normal girl. and then rose kept screaming she wasnt real. if i had a sibling i would not appreciate that

MathTans

Yeah, okay, I can see that. Though Andrew was pretty suave through her viewpoint too.

DracoPlato

ironically the part of the replaced by fairies baby mythos I always wondered most about was what happens to the fairy in disguise they left behind

MathTans

Rebel - Yeah, that goes back a bit to my wondering about nature versus nurture. We don't know why the faeries leave these dolls or what personality they have.

DracoPlato

i think generally in the mythos the fairies eat the babies, but you don't really hear about the one left behind in it's place

MathTans

Maybe Lily would have reacted the same way under those circumstances. But we won't know, because the circumstances were brought about by doll Lily being stitchy.

Faeries need to analyze their diet. Babies so high in sodium.

DracoPlato

Loooooool

RebelVampire

yeah i always wondered that about the mythos as well. like does the fairy child just grow up regular again. although to be fair i always assumed the mythos was just a way for parents to explain having a child who doesnt fit societal norms. so they could be like "little billy is strange? umm he was umm....snatched away by fairies and this is really a fairy child."

MathTans

Though Rebel asked before, what is Lily made of? I mean, she must have had a medical checkup, right? Is she held together by magic and wishes? By the willpower of people who believe she's real?

Maybe Rose casting doubt actually is a threat to doll-Lily's existence. Maybe that's part of the reason for lashing out, fear.

DracoPlato

oh that'd be interesting

RebelVampire

yeah this is my thing is i think theres a huge case that lily is lashing out of fear for her own existence

cause if anybody believed lily could be in the one in the asylum or wind up being witch hunted or being kicked out to fend for herself

like theres a ton of bad scenarios if someone believes rose and acts on it

so for lily's own survival rose needs to stfu

cause to be double fair i dont feel lily had sinister intentions

in the sense no greater purpose is hinted at

shes just there

as a replacement to the real lily

so horrible?

DracoPlato

yeah that's how i feel atm too

Rose just needs to stfu

RebelVampire

granted of course now its escalated to worse places

cause abuse no joke

DracoPlato

yeah

MathTans

Why can't the flower children just get along? ^^

DracoPlato

she should have been quiet when she was younger I think

MathTans

Kids be kids.

DracoPlato

and been like yay new fairy sister

RebelVampire

but then thered be no drama

ah man if this is the case tho maybe this is how the story concludes. lily and rose have a fight and lily asks why rose couldnt just see her as her sister considering they grew up together etc. etc. and rose realizes that fake lily was indeed her real sister all along and real lily is just a stranger

MathTans

Random thought - With the idea of faeries coming at a child's first laugh. If you laughed a lot it can be said you're left in stitches. Stitches on the face. Everything's connected.

RebelVampire

thats brilliant

bravo math, bravo

MathTans

Oh, thank you.

Just stitched it together.

DracoPlato

also baby lily didn't have stitches on their face i dont' think

so maybe they came later from the real lily laughing, lol

RebelVampire

lily is falling apart at the seams O_O

DracoPlato

baby fake lily that is

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. The comic has some heavy themes in regards to sibling abuse. It is very clear, also, that Rose has been traumatized by this abuse. How do you think this abuse will affect Rose’s ability to leave? What about its effect on how Rose will navigate the world filled with other people? Do you have any other thoughts regarding these themes?

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

Oh good i'm here for at least the last part of this

DracoPlato

yaaaay feather~!

MathTans

Oooh, that's a real interesting question, kudos. I feel like it's not only sibling abuse, because Lily wouldn't have had the authority to send Rose to the nuthouse (though she did seem to have the final say on whether Rose got out). It's interesting that the parents went that route, but I also suppose we're in more olden times. On the sibling side, well, Rose certainly has a problem opening up to people, and I could see her trusting the wrong person simply because said person said they were on her side.

Hi Feather!

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

Also Rose needs to GTFO as sooon as possible becuase ahhhh get away from the freaking creepy sister

Also hey there Math :3

RebelVampire

welcome feather

MathTans

Got a fave scene, feather?

DracoPlato

rose isn't very functional atm to go to the outside world but she does need a safer environment.

RebelVampire

tbh i think rose is going to have more trouble trusting than trusting the wrong person. so instead shell sabotage her own efforts by refusing help

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

From my knowledge about changlings so far, I don't think Rose wants to meet her real sister

MathTans

Yeah, Rose needs a guide or something.

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

Probably doesn't even know who she is

DracoPlato

same rebel

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

And yeah please nice guy save the poor girl

DracoPlato

given the time period her family could marry her off

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

Also I have a theory that she will find her sister via twin telephaphy

DracoPlato

but any guy that wanted to marry a nut job wouldn't be the best i'm sure, lol

MathTans

Where would Rose even start looking? Family records? Is there an old stump out back with shady lights floating about it?

Oooh, point, maybe she senses something.

DracoPlato

looool

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

Or what is that called, Twin empathy/

It's actually an actual neuro thing with twins

MathTans

Timpani? No, wait.

I'll take your word, I don't know from twins.

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

I also think the reason why Rose can't sense her twin is because the twin is in another dimention

And haha Math, I have a lot of research about twins for my comic

DracoPlato

i think the twin has been eaten

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

Well changlings don't work like that Draco

MathTans

Ooooh, maybe a dimension where time moves differently. Perhaps Rose finds Lily, but Lily's the same age she was when she got abducted.

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

My remembering of it is they keep the human and raise them

But there are so many different varients

And oh that's a good one too Math

MathTans

Raise them like cattle.

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

Baby Lily

DracoPlato

yeah there are variants where they're just eaten

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

I thought that was just fae in general

MathTans

Draco, have you had dinner yet?

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

They just eat people

Also Draco must be hungry hahah

DracoPlato

nyu

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

I'm hungry too stop making me hungry

DracoPlato

but we eat lunch late

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

Also I have to note

Lily's and Rose's name

MathTans

The Hill sisters?

RebelVampire

yeah ive seen more variants of the story where the child just gets eaten

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

Lily the flower when used in funerals symbolize that the soul of the departed has received restored innocence after death.

DracoPlato

yis

MathTans

omg, flower symbolism, I didn't even think.

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

Roses are just basic passion and stuff but there are things like Yellow roses

Or white roses

MathTans

Rose Hill. Lily... of the Valley? (okay, no.)

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

Lily of the valley is another flower too

MathTans

Yeah, but Lily's not a valley girl.

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

But Lily of the Valley has a meaning of "Return of Happiness"

And the other Lily is defintely a valley[faerie] girl

MathTans

Well, damn.

RebelVampire

assuming shes alive O_O

MathTans

She's in the 5th dimension.

I wonder what it is about this particular outburst the sisters seem to be having that's going to result in Rose departing on her search. What makes it different from the last ones (to kind of look at that sister abuse again).

Maybe Lily lets something slip.

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

Hopeflly she is alive

MathTans

Like, doll Lily. (Or real Lily somehow communicates a message??)

RebelVampire

it could be real Lily insighting it. o rmaybe fake lily legit tries to kill her

although this now makes me wonder, if lily doesnt want rose to spill the beans, why doesnt she just kill rose and make it look like an accident?

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

Becuase they need her for something

OHHHHH IDEA

CRACK THEORY

MathTans

Oooh, yeah, that could be. (I don't know the horror genre that well, not usually my go-to.)

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

THEY WANT TO USE THE TWINS TO OPEN THE GATE FROM THE FAE WORLD INTO THE HUMA NWORKLD

MathTans

On their 18th birthdays?

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

OF COURSE

RebelVampire

im not sure the fae need that considering they can just hop on over and take babies XD

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

Maybe that's just a weaker fae

Maybe the hgih class fae are too strong for the weak veil between worlds

MathTans

They want a bridge that doesn't rely on laughter.

But tears instead.

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

Yup XD

Or maybe the twins are gonna be nessary for a soul gate too

There are a lot of twin stories about souls and how they used to be one but they are not if they are indentical

which it seems like they are

RebelVampire

i wonder if the faeries in this comic have souls

DracoPlato

hmmm

the fake sister may not even be a fairy

RebelVampire

does fake sister have a soul

DracoPlato

what is fake sister MathTans

what is fake, what is real

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

I think she is a doll actually

From the pointing out of the stitches

I think she is a puppet

And it doesn't have a soul

RebelVampire

well tbh she is a doll

cause the comic description even calls her that

"Rose's twin sister is kidnapped by a fairy and replaced by a doll. Rose is the only one who sees the difference, and the doll treats Rose horribly, until Rose one day has enough of it and goes searching for her real sister."

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

Yup

DracoPlato

oh, so that's just it? there's nothing more to it other than doll

MathTans

Lily's soul could be trapped in the doll.

DracoPlato

i just thought there'd be more something behind the word doll

MathTans

Doll-ar bills.

RebelVampire

i like the idea that lily's soul is just trapped in fake lily.

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

actually fun note

Back in the day, they call dressed up rich people as dolls

Maybe ti's a nod to that?

Like "Isn't she such a doll?"

MathTans

Oooh, good point. Getting all dolled up. Dressing for the nines. Leaving the rich people in stitches.

DracoPlato

yeah i honestly just thought the use of the word "doll" was a generic descriptive that had a deeper meaning behind it in the overall

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

Yeah, Math's you got it XD

DracoPlato

cause i mean something has to be moving the doll for it to have a personality

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

Bitches, Draco, there are bitches in those stiches

DracoPlato

looool

MathTans

Does it have a personality? Or is it simply acting based on how the people around it expect it to behave? Perhaps even Rose herself expects bad behaviour, so that's what she gets.

RebelVampire

if thats the case

https://tapas.io/episode/550751

that changes the entire dynamic of that cover

cause youd think obviously lily is the evil looking top twin

but if lily acts based on how ppl assume

than its rose who is controlling her and therefore the twin on top

DracoPlato

Oooooooh ooooooh snap that'd be pretty awesome

you were the one that made her evil

MathTans

It's like a warped mirror almost.

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

Oooh

RebelVampire

QUESTION 4. Insofar, Andrew is the only character who seems to have paid Rose any mind; Rose even reluctantly tells Andrew the truth about Lily. Do you think Andrew has a future role to play in Rose’s life? If so, what? Alternatively, do you think Andrew will somehow become a hindrance to her quest?

MathTans

I'm still kind of surprised Andrew didn't die, so maybe I'm cynical.

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

Andrew please have good things happen to you

As someone who makes bad things happen to kind characters, I hope you have good htings come toyour way

DracoPlato

there's not enough story to really go on for his future role potential, i also don't know if this is a shorter or longer work

MathTans

If he's a hinderance, I think it would only be by accident.

DracoPlato

maybe he'll help her search for her sister tho

MathTans

Draco: I think it was in a Q&A that the author said they'd envisioned about 4 chapters, with this one being the first. I could be misremembering.

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

I want him to be like "Oh you are going to do that? I will help you. You dnot want me to come along? I will distract your twin for you."

DracoPlato

ah that's not too long then

MathTans

That's a good point, Andrew might be a distraction so Rose can get away.

DracoPlato

it feels like a shorter work? I dunno, that's the vibe I get

MathTans

Not sure what consistutes a "chapter" though. fuzy memory

RebelVampire

yeah are we talking normal chapters or cali chapters?

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

LOL

MathTans

I also recall the author being concerned about not outputting more frequently, so just a quick shoutout if they read this, I don't think that's a big deal. Go at the pace that works.

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

I'm gonna have to poof off, need to work on pages ahha I'm behind XD Have fun everyone else :3

MathTans

Best, Feather! Thanks for theories!

RebelVampire

thanks for coming feather~!

MathTans

Is anyone shipping Rose and Andrew? (Too soon?)

DracoPlato

bye Feather~!

i'm still suspicious of him

RebelVampire

how can you not ship rose and andrew? O_O

MathTans

Maybe he's a fae in disguise? O.o

DracoPlato

trust nobody

RebelVampire

although i do think andrew is potentially a "nice guy" in the sense hell go through stuff and then wonder why rose doesnt put out O_O

then go online and bitch how he got friendzoned

DracoPlato

yeah i got that vibe from him too

like whhhhy were you interested in the meek one that looks miserable, suspicious

MathTans

Eh, I didn't really get that vibe myself, but then I am a guy over here. I felt like he was trying to engage socially with people who don't necessarily enjoy these sorts of affairs, make it pleasant for them.

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

Quick note: I'm the type of person who friends shy people, so I don't know, it could be a thing?

Also back in the day

It's polite for males to introduce thsemvles to ALL the ladies at the party

DracoPlato

yeah that could be math

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

Regardless

I don't remember what era they set the story in

But I do remember that was social ettique things :3

MathTans

So Andrew's maybe not polite, but he's nice. ^.-

Feather, Duke of Hot Leaf Juice

Alright offical poof

DracoPlato

yeah but it's fiction so that may not be the construct he's working under

not to deny that it could be part of it

just for the tone of the story it seems like it'd be more emotionally scarring for rose if andrew wasn't nice

RebelVampire

idk if that applies tho cause no other guy approached rose XD so either andrew is the only polite person at this party or its not considered

DracoPlato

but she had put trust in him

MathTans

He also seemed annoyed or perturbed by the outrageous HaHaHa laughter. Maybe he's not much of a social guy himself.

DracoPlato

yeah, agreed rebel

MathTans

Though he's got good talking skills.

(But then, so do I some say, and I'm not a social person.)

RebelVampire

which him being the only polite person is possible. i just think the flirting makes it clear he had other intentions than politeness XD

but he may not be a nice guy

he couldve picked rose cause he is socially awkward himself and she seemed easiest to talk to

DracoPlato

it's a story with few characters atm, even fewer speaking ones, he was shown for a purpose, lol

his purpose may have been just to have lily rebuke rose afterwards tho

so his role may already be done in the story

RebelVampire

i dont feel his role is done cause i feel there were easier ways to get the rebuke without spilling hte beans to andrew

cause rose couldve said nothing and still got rebuked

MathTans

Maybe Andrew is ALL IN ROSE'S MIND. She's the only one who sees him the same way she's the only one who sees Lily's stitches. She tells her story to made-up people, she's that far gone.

DracoPlato

that's why he noticed her first

he's only in her head

MathTans

Rose is hitting on herself. She just wants to be loved.

RebelVampire

so im gonna have a crack theory in that what if rose was the one taken. and were already in the land of the faeries and the faeries just happen to be able to disguise as humans. but they made rose a doll cause baby rose kept crying about missing her sister

MathTans

O.o

DracoPlato

that'd be interesting

MathTans

Neat. They need to deal with their doll a little better though.

It's beating up their abductee.

RebelVampire

thats cause rose is being a little shit and this isnt the first doll cause rose tore apart the first one

wait how can a doll grow O_O

what magic is this

this is some good magic

DracoPlato

that is some pretty good magic XD

MathTans

The world is actually shrinking.

Now I'm wondering if dolls go through puberty. wut?

RebelVampire

she must be frankenstein's doll.

MathTans

Though if the fae had to come back and check every so often for maintenance, that might leave a trail for Rose to follow.

"Please make my hips more slender."

RebelVampire

LOL

i do think inevitably it might be the twin empathy/telepathy thing that pull sthrough as feather suggested. cause i cant otherwise think of anything mentioned that will lead rose on the right path

MathTans

Yeah, I kind of like that angle. Or maybe Andrew was the last straw, and she snaps and runs away. And once outside the influence she picks up vibes.

RebelVampire

do you think lily will pursue her or do you think lily will just be like "eh if im lucky shell get eaten by a bear"

MathTans

Good question. I think she'll get someone else to pursue. She may or may not come along, doesn't strike me as the type to get her dress dirty.

RebelVampire

i guess it really comes down to how fearful she is of rose finding the real lily

although

if rose finds the real lily how does she prove to everyone else that its the real lily?

DracoPlato

yis

MathTans

Having two of them side-by-side might help give Rose some credibility at least.(edited)

Unless Lily's still a baby.

Maybe she'll have to catch a fae.

RebelVampire

but even side-by-side ppl may not see fake lily's stitches

what if rose comes back and everyone assumes rose is the fake O_O

and fake lily and real lily are the legit twins

MathTans

I guess we'll have to wait and find out.

RebelVampire

Unfortunately, the scheduled Comic Tea Party is now complete~! Thank you everyone so much for joining this week’s chat~! That being said, if you would like to continue discussing the comic, we encourage you to do so~! We want to give a big thank you to yondoloki, as well, for volunteering The Changeling’s Sister for our reading queue. If you liked the comic, please be sure to support yondoloki’s efforts. If you have questions, concerns, or suggestions about CTP, please feel free to PM me, or e-mail me at RebelVampire@startfaire.com.

With that said, next week’s Comic Tea Party will focus on Radio Silence by Vanessa Stefaniuk. Please use this week to read as much of the comic as you would like. Hope to see you next Thursday (September 28th) from 5PM to 7PM PDT~! Until then~! Comic: http://www.radiosilencecomic.com/

[gyratingeonian]

JANE: -Guess who's in the kitchen again? It's this gal. She's been occupying much of her time this way; it's largely to burn off anxious energy in waiting for the fated crew to arrive, but also because she just can't stand boring meals day after day.-

JANE: -She isn't baking right now, surprisingly. She's slowly cooking a nice pot roast for dinner, ingredients fresh from one of her many pieces of portable Crocker tech. Her apron reads "Hot Daddy"; an artifact salvaged from somewhere in the pantry.-

JOEY: =She'd been lying upstairs, staring at the ceiling for hours. It was hard being able to sleep soundly without the threat of being discovered for her human qualities, and at times it was hard to believe she had a family again. Mostly everyone all together and all in one place, too. She'd heard some quiet rummaging in the kitchen below until the vapors rose and holy shit, whatever it was smelled delicious. She's sneaking down the stairs like a kid on Christmas Eve, carefully poking her head around the corner.=

JANE: -She doesn't notice Joey immediately; while the food cooks, she's leafing through a business book she found on a shelf and laid out on the counter before closing it back with a sigh. There's not much point in studying business when the business in question is currently being run by an evil alien sea queen, is there?-

JANE: -She scans the room, and then double takes at a pair of eyes around the doorway.- Oh!

JANE: Good... morning? Not really, but I haven't made any breakfast yet. Sorry. I wasn't sure if anyone was up yet.

JOEY: =She finally came out of hiding and stepped the rest of the way down the stairs, smiling in greeting.=

JOEY: nah its fine im not usually up around this time anyway

JOEY: the jet lags been awful =joke=

JANE: The mysterious interdimensional portal-lag, you mean. Hoo. -It's not that funny, but she's trying to make the most of it.- I understand completely.

JANE: Do you like eggs and bacon?

JOEY: =She perked at this=

JOEY: you mean to say

JOEY: you guys actually have that here?

JOEY: =eyes the refrigerator= 8o

JANE: Well... Sort of.

JANE: I conveniently happen to have a very good storage unit on my person.

JANE: -She's already pulling out pans- How do you like your eggs?

JOEY: =when was the last time she had anything that wasn't grubloaf lathered in grubsauce?= JOEY: oh jane you dont have to go through all that trouble—

JOEY: =fusses.=

JOEY: ....

JOEY: sunny side up

JOEY: =she's WEAK=

JANE: -snrrrk- Me, too.

JANE: Don't worry. This is better than sitting around, stewing in potential doom scenarios. -she produces a package of bacon and cuts it open while the pan heats up on the stove-

JANE: And I could use some breakfast, too...

JANE: Shucks. All I've eaten this morning is a bite of leftover cheesecake.

JOEY: that wont do at all! heres to proper sustenance hahaha

JOEY: =she approacheth= it is only right of me to ask if you need help with any of this

JANE: Hmm...

JANE: Actually, I do need help with something. -glances over at her- I've been pretty curious about all this... estranged family business.

JANE: I just never felt like there was a good time to corral you all and ask about it. Actually, the image itself seems pretty rude.

JOEY: oh

JOEY: well... =she leaned back against one of the counters and sighed, laughing a little helplessly as she dragged a hand down one cheek=

JOEY: where to even start?

JANE: Perhaps the beginning?

JANE: As a genuine suggestion, not a sassy remark.

JOEY: =she glanced up at her and soft laughter replaced her expectant expression.=

JOEY: yeah thats always a good place

JOEY: we were little then

JOEY: dad was an explorer so he was gone often

JOEY: our aunt came to stay with us - mom jude tess and me - she had a baby with her

JOEY: bout a year later some people at her work did something that scared her off =she shrugged= and so she left

JOEY: i guess she didnt want us getting caught up in it but it happened anyway =Joey smiled, shaking her head= from that point on we got really good at camping

TESSERACT: =Soft boof as he comes wagging his entire body down the stairs. He smells FOOD.=

JANE: ... -She can sort of guess what that means, but...- Oh hi, doggy. -casually braces herself against a counter-

JANE: No bacon for you yet!

JANE: Um-- So you-- lost your home? Because of... a bad business venture?

JOEY: yeah—

TESSERACT: boof! =Whines up at jane=

JOEY: :O down tess

JOEY: you know better that that

TESSERACT: =WHINES again but lays his head down right on Jane's foot. licks her leg and looks up with those big puppy eyes=

JOEY: we couldnt really go back to it for a while but soon enough they left us alone and we got to go back

JOEY: guess they figured what could a woman her kids and their dog do? not much of a threat, you know

JANE: A... threat?

JANE: This sounds a little more dastardly than I was imagining.

JANE: Was it... you know... them?

JOEY: =she nods=

JOEY: the same people that have taken over skaianet

JOEY: it was our dad and aunts lifes work

JOEY: and they took it out from under them so easily

JOEY: =she ran her hand on the edge of the counter, just feeling the texture there=

JOEY: one day dad never came home

JOEY: i thought for sure because of his connections theyd gotten to him somehow

JOEY: not very long after that mom never came home either(edited)

JUDE: -at some point during the conversation, jude had come up from the basement, but when he heard the topic of discussion, he wound up lingering in the hall just outside the kitchen. hearing their skeletons get dragged out made him anxious, but it was important that jane knew exactly what they were dealing with -- what his whole family had always been dealing with. he runs his hand along the wall, awkwardly stuck in place.-

JOEY: but we claire-leys don't know when to keep our heads down and mouths shut(edited)

JOEY: jude tess and i went off for some daring do and picked up where dad and aunt jo left off

JOEY: it was better for me to think they were dead cause nothing can hurt you when you expect the worst, right? but jude flat out refused to believe that =She shook her head= he was so much stronger than me - bouncy little optimist

JANE: -Jane can't help laughing a little at that description, despite the story itself.- Well... you can sure tell you're related.

JANE: And... if you don't mind me saying so, I'm sure you gave him plenty of push he might not have had alone. -At least, when she met him, he hadn't really been outside in years.- I think it all works out.

JANE: But how did you end up... Elsewhere?(edited)

JOEY: we both had that effect on each other =she glanced down at the counter again= JOEY: it was a whole stack of things but aunt jos research to put it simply JOEY: its what they were after all those years

JOEY: or one of the things at least

JOEY: that research led us to the portal downstairs which in turn led to skaianet finding out jude and i werent so harmless after all

JOEY: =she shrugged her shoulders, but it was more like brushing off the uncomfortable feeling of that distant memory than to indicate something like indifference=

JOEY: they wanted what we knew and if it hadnt been for jude they would have gotten what they wanted(edited)

JANE: ... I have a feeling this tale is nearing its bitter conclusion. -She watches Joey, brows knitting with some concern at the way she seems more uncomfortable the further this story goes.-

JANE: You don't have to tell me all this if you don't want to. My curiosity isn't worth digging up too many bad feelings.(edited)

JUDE: -with an exhale, he finally moves to join them in the kitchen, eyes down cast but he looks up after he gets his hands on a cookie.- ...

JUDE: hello

JUDE: sorry for interrupting...

JUDE: and also for

JUDE: eavesdropping

JANE: !

JANE: Jude.

JANE: I didn't hear you creeping up.

JANE: ... I didn't mean that the way it sounds.

JOEY: =Her back was to the stairs and she turned, a smile lifting as she saw it was her brother. Wow. She has to get used to them being in the same place again.= hey...

JOEY: =she's relieved he was here. The events leading up to everything were easy to say, and of course on Alternia she changed up a few things to suit her trollsona's history. But she'd never gone so far to explain the separation itself other than that it happened. The fear of never seeing her brother again didn't hang heavy over her head and the past didn't hurt quite so much=

JUDE: -catching a glimpse of her smile, he can't help smiling too.- it's alright

JUDE: creeping is probably technically a good way to describe my... general movement

JANE: Well... as long as we're all agreed. :B

JANE: -drapes a paper towel over a plate and starts piling the cooked bacon on it-

JUDE: heh... -cookies and bacon... part of a balanced breakfast. he didn't think this through.-

JUDE: -also sweats because he disrupted the conversation, which makes it his responsibility to initiate it again.- ...

JUDE: so...

JUDE: bacon

JOEY: =she's staring at Jude, and it's obvious she's staring. Her smile is growing by the moment.=

JOEY: yes! and eggs!

JANE: And cookies, apparently. -gives Jude a GAZE.-

JANE: How do you like your eggs?

JUDE: -HOW YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS... FRIED OR FERTILIZED...-

JUDE: sunny side up

JUDE: to match my sunny outlook on life

JOEY: =she just...smiles at him. How can she not?=

JOEY: good answer.

JANE: -SNORTS-

JANE: I'm glad we are all still in agreement, despite serious flaws in your argument. -cracks another egg in the pan-

JANE: How are things going down there?

JUDE: well... none of my other long lost relatives have jumped out so

JUDE: uneventful, mostly

JUDE: which is fine I guess

JUDE: but I'm still anxious for the UU to get here

JUDE: I feel like they should be here by now

JUDE: what if something happened? maybe alternians attacked their ship and their technicians hacked into all their accounts, pouring over records of everyone's speech patterns to perfectly replicate them when they talk to us

JUDE: or maybe... it was never really them to begin with

JUDE: and they knew we were going to contact them

JUDE: and they've lured us here to back us into a corner and now they're waiting for the perfect moment to extract the portal and do away with us once and for all

JOEY: ...

JOEY: jude

JOEY: you know ive always trusted your gut

JOEY: even though those are a whole lot of maybes, maybe we should take precaution

JOEY: is there an easy way of storing the portal if we have to make a quick getaway?

JOEY: plus, if this place is as heavily fortified as it looks, shouldnt there be another way to exit the building than the front and back doors?

JANE: -She swears she's going to find a camera somewhere to stare in, just watch her.-

JANE: Maybe Jamison would have some ideas? Perhaps a rational suggestion or two.

JUDE: I've been able to store it pretty efficiently but

JUDE: maybe I should dismantle it for now

JUDE: if they do show up we can study it with them

JUDE: ... I've mapped out all the escape routes too

JUDE: I mean I found some of James' blueprints of the house but I

JUDE: also physically went around the house looking for exits...

JUDE: but more eyes help... my dad is really good at finding weaknesses in designs so yeah thanks for the suggestion jane

JOEY: theres no harm in taking precautions

JOEY: should we practice drills?

JANE: -SIGHS-

JANE: -slides eggs onto plate-

JOEY: hehehe you never know, jane!

JANE: Well, let's wait until after breakfast for the main course of hubbub. :B

JOEY: good plan!

JOEY: one should never act on an empty stomach :)

[somedaypast-thesunset]

so i really think i am done now. 

like im weirdly overwhelmingly speechless but yet have so many thoughts and feelings but none of them of extreme anxiety.

he tells me he went to drop in group therapy today and that hes going to go to rehab after he takes care of me for a month and maybe he’ll be better for spring.

i’m like .........................................

oh. o.ka..y. i just spent weeks - literally weeks - being dragged along by him with phone calls and questions and requests and he saw me invest my energy and time and that i was becoming like excited for this prospect. yesterday i was being told i would make him homecooked meals and take care of his dog. like i was fed everything and boom “maybe, i don’t know, we’ll see”.

and i didnt know how to react because on one hand im like okay cool good job trying something new i hope this gives u something ur looking for and helps the situation. on the other im like wow you literally have zero care about me and even if youre sick and thats the excuse behind this back and forth - you dont care about me. is it the sickness that makes you not care or you yourself? and am i sticking around to find out on the hopes that rehab makes this better? like your complete constant inability to give any respect to another person. its not like im thinking he has to go through with the original plans or else but its like not one time did he mention hey thanks for working on this i appreciate that youre doing this with me and you put time into it and i really want to be on my top game and i know this kind of puts a bump in the road but im hoping that itll be worthwhile at the end of it because we’re on the right track but i am not.

it was just im doing this and this. cool. 

u know he cant consider other ppl right he has to only consider himself and how to make himself better while completely neglecting the massive damage he is currently doing around him but its okay because hes going to rehab and if i believe in this opportunity i wont be bothered by a bump in the road. 

yes i absolutely think my life story should be tramping across canada i guess by myself now to be with a guy fresh out of rehab. so fuck me right. and im just like.. sooooooooooo.... many emotions. im angry and bitter and sad and heartbroken and i dont know what to be. i dont know whats the “right” path for ME to take. because fuck anyone else fuck it all - whats the right path for me. do i want to be angry? do i want to cry? 

except i already knew how this went because i did it before the summer about this fucking trip so its like u must think im literally retarded. if i complained at all in anyway i was an asshole for not supporting his want to go to rehab. i didnt want him to get better. and there was no way to explain that he was just completely neglecting the damage he caused and was causing at this very moment regardless of his positive decision because nothing about making the ecision to go to rehab is that positive. its only positive because youre “getting better” otherwise youre going because you suck right now. thats not a positive decision. it is AFTER fucking rehab. but im not even on this level with him you know. im not saying any of this. i just know that if i say even one single thing about it, im an asshole even though its presented to me by an asshole. 

so i told him that i wanted to go and be sad and i talked to him later. he asked me why i was sad and really pressed on the issue and i told him it dint matter and i would prefer to just go but again he pressed and i felt anxious like either i flat out accepted what happened right now and just live my life in whatever new way i was required to in his shadow or tell him that i felt uncomfortable and sad and that he was just going to come for a month and go away again and that didnt make me feel good. 

and thus - well he was doing this positive thing and he wanted to feel better and not feel like he wanted to die everyday and you know i had this opportunity where i was too and i had problems i wasnt working on and it doesnt make him feel goo to have to deal with the stress of me being upset about his decision. 

and i was just so frustrated. like after two fucking years you still do not get it at all. like omg i could quit smoking everything tomorrow and still feel like absolute garbage and want to di ei could have a great job an still feel like garbage and want to ie because my BIGGEST MOST OVERWHELMING FEELING I HAVE NEVER NOT SHAKEN IN MY DAILY FUCKING BEING is loneliness. and its not like im forcing him to mae me not lonely. but when you offer this stupid dream world where im not going to be lonely, when you put on a mask to parade around and “care for me” after surgery but disappear promptly after its like do you not understand its literally more painful for me in my life to live with loneliness than anything this cyst does to me. anything. i could live with it for a year and it would be less worse than the all consuming depression of loneliness. and by feeling so lonely ive struggled with finding a purpose. and like i have friend(s). i have one very good friend ive had for two years that i really really connect with and really really respect and weve fought but its totally okay and when i feel really alone i honestly think of her maybe first and foremost because i genuinely feel loved by this person. i really really think they would do the most for me and in return i try to do the very most for them. and weve supported major life crisis with each other. we’ve really emapthized and like wanted nothing but the best for each other and like cried with each other and this person is truly an example of why it might be worth giving people more chances.

but i experience such an isolating loneliness and my personal battle because life has decided i will and have experienced this  is that i need to embrace being alone because of all the people who have hurt me. i am not prepared in any form to vouch for someone being okay. ive made so many excuses for shitty people and shitty behavior that deeply reflects and scarred my soul so fucking bad. im soooo tired of making excuses for shitty people. im really tired. 

i try to bring up that he had fed me all this crap and he bounced between saying “i knew it wasnt true” that he was “pretending to be normal” and that he was still buying the land and he didnt understand why this was such a problem for me because “nothing changed” and finally that he was “sorry” and kept asking me what i wanted or what i wanted him to say and its so disgusting to put the victim in a position where they have to teach you what it is you did wrong when its so fucking obvious that you lied.

and so i thought about it briefly after hanging up and once again - dont get surgery. i was so uncomfortable now. i was like downtrodden and disrespected and nothing of what he said gave me confidence in fucking anything so i had a choice of pretending like it was all totally okay and watching him leave at the end or being upset about it and getting the bare minimum care from someone who kept filling my head with ideas that were never going to actually happen. so now im like vulnerable and have to experience this person no matter what and like i dont even want to talk to him now. im so shocked. lke the full weight of what he just did has not even set in fully but i know that its so fucking heavy it just changed my soul and like the minions are working overtime to figure out how to put this shit back together because i cannot even believe the level of how he trie to sell me on this shit and have zero fucking compassion towards the idea that  he once again had to take a new path alone and “couldnt consider me anymore” but “nothing had changed”. dont be upset.

hes going to rehab. 

and like im sorry i dont really believe in the recovery of this person other than the symbolic “i went to rehab” because he smokes weed. he refuses - flat out fucking refuses to see what actual fucing hurt he caused people and hes the only person who can work on these things and in no fucking way what so ever do i believe weed has any part of what hes doing. i really dont. if i can be proven wrong in the end ill take it back in respect but fuck him anyways because if a heroin addict shot me in the leg he still shot me in the fucking leg. forgive but im not forgetting. 

like the shit he has made me do and go through is abysmal and hes never ever going to admit to anyone that he did these things to me so at no point is anyone going to turn to him and say uhm u did fucking what. so wheres my bonus in all of this when / if it all comes back in the spring and hes ready to go because omg guys he went to rehab and now hes enlightened and sober and better than all of us and still the giant piece of shit to me hes always been. and now more so because i still smoke weed and god u know im a real drug addict. 

i told him i was uncomfortable with getting surgery knowing i would essentially be stuck with him for this time and right now i was just really uncomfortable and upset. he said that was fine but he was offering to “fulfill his obligation” of caring for me and he still loved me and if i only wanted him to come make meals and change my banages an leave then he would.

and its like man no. at this moment right now. right fucking now i am full realization that this is super abusive even if youre sick. even if youre sick. because i know this. i did this. and i did this very similarly u know like this woman loved me. she loved me and she cared for me but lke there was alot of things i id wrong like i was lazy and ungrateful and spoiled and a bitch but she cared for me and especially - ESPECIALLY if i was “sick” she really “cared for me” and that cleared her record. everytime i was sick - well u know she did this and this for u. but like she was killing me EVERY OTHER FUCKING DAY and all of this - al of this my whole life with this crazy woman was because she was sick. she was sick and this happened. and he was sick and this happened but like no matter the sickness this fucing HAPPENED. you damaged another persons soul like omg do u think u can get away with punching one of ur kids and going to mental ward one time and never ever have it brought up again no u damaged that kid and ur whole fucking family forever cuz ur sick. 

so ur saying before you go to rehab you will come back and care for the person that you have to “have no concern over” thereafter and that person can have literally no fucking emotion like youre a fucking home care nurse they never met before. like omg. are you for real. am i dead? why am i crazy because i think this is uncomfortable, stressful and awkward for the legitimately physically ill person. 

he says i can decide what i want, its my body but hes still offering to care for me and he doesnt want to play games because he was fine to take care of me and get surgery before he brought this up and i had already done this before and its like man why are you gaslighting me making me thinking my feelings about this are a manipulation tactic against you when its a legitimate fucking concern for my own well being and why is it insinuatingly so offensive that i switch to concern primarily for myelf when someone says theyre also doing the same thing. thats what makes you the most sick. and no one will ever reall see this. and its like when i realized i would never get anything back from my sick father and 10 years of caring for him and its just like damn. no one - no one will ever fully know what you did and thats how you actually won in all of this. even if i go out there and i say well he did this and this you already diminished my reputation of being like a logical level headed person in relationships and now i look fucing insane especially the embarassment of sticking around. 

like i cant even explain all the ways it oesnt feel right to get this surgery. ive had nightmares of dieing and its a nothing surgery. like maybe the anasthetics kill me or something. i have a surprise heart attack from my years of smoking. and if that doesnt happen then im here with him and like i dont even want ot look up what the surgery is because im 50% still in hope that like ill jump right up and be cool and like have no problem taking care of myself and i overestimated how much care iw ould need and its all good. best case scenario. then 50% im like okay if the cyst is as bad as it was and theyre cutting out a whole chunk of flesh and stitching it my likely best case scenario is moderate swelling and pain, moderate body movement and anxiety over a fucking wound thats so deep and like ive never had such a deep wound before and in this area i cant even bend with a cyst and its stitched what if i bent and it ripped like fair enough i could ask many of these questions of my personal anxieties with a doctor. and maybe what really happens is a bit of both and i struggle with feeding and bathing myself and my biggest concern is the set of stairs to the apartment and living in disgusting filthy room. 

so now im dealing with maybe a home care nurse level of care. im made some food. my bandage is changed and im left to fend for everything else even though there could be some limited mobility and stairs and just like.. not really being able to do anything strenuous and i imagine not alot of sitting and like this all sucks and now im watching the person i looked forward to the most feed me the bare minmum and leave. or he stays and is of more help and i fall into the same bullshit again. maybe he feeds me over and over these romantic bullshit lines like once i get out of rehab wel do this and this and blah blah blah because hes still fucking sick and theres no controlling what he will actually do so what he demonstrated is that hes unstable an i have no been freshly duped by him and i dont feel mentally strong enough to take the rollercoaster with him in any way shape or form. 

as he was repeating some shit about needing to respect him getting care for himself, my phone died and i took a deep breath and put it dow and was kind of thankful that the fates of technology decided this for me because i was really really super done. i know hes serious about going and i know hes serious about having no concern for me because hes already done all of these things so everythhing that happens is tainted to yeah hes right - “i knew all along” that he was a lieing piece of shit and i was wasting my time. 

and it bothers me that like on paper im like real shit luck in life, been through so much, have very little in posessions, no family and this person was like oh hey we’ll go do this and this and frolic through the land and its like do you even comprehend the weight of what you just did to this person. and to turn around and say make a way for yourself like im piggybacking off of you? omg. 

theres like a top 5 worst people ive ever personally known. my mother almost always tops the list for pure longevity. i have an ex friend who turned so vicious it like fucked us both up in the long run and im bitter about it. my most recent friend would maybe me number 5, maybe in running with my alcoholic friend because besides being nice theyre terrible people. but in this list, possibly #2 has to be him. he is worse than my ex because my ex’s “sickness” was being dumb as fuck and hes like.. hes just dumb. hes not terrible hes just really dumb and like not a good person to be around and even though i got him arrested im not ure he would be top 5. he was just so dumb that im not like traumatize by him im just like man thats on me. thats rly rly on me. but this guy --- im not so fucking retared im just running back to a piece of shit to be shit on with zero fucking bonus to my life. this person has to actively participate in making me want to come back by actions and words. im not stuck with him at all. no money ties. i dont live with him. why woud i go back unless he was gving me something i wanted? 

but he was never going to give me anything i truly wanted. and its my fault for sticking around. he told me all of this so i shouldve known even though “we’re going to have a sugar shack, we’re going to have a dog” - and just this mention of the word “we” was soooooooooooo fucking nice to me you have no idea. this really like.. stuck in my head and made me feel a tiny comfort like wow theres a we. i’m not just an i. i’m finally a we.

does he care? no he doesnt fucking care. hes sick. hes going to rehab. 

the bestthing he could do is leave me alone. thats truly the very best option. my trust is broken. like nothing he says to me from this point on is believable or true or leads to anything substantial. i should put no weight at all on anything he says which makes any conversation with him totally useless. because even if our convo is political i dont believe thats what he believes anymore. maybe tomorrow he believes something else. 

and if you love me. if you actually fucking love me you dont “love me to death”. thats not it. true love of me is an actual understanding of who i am and what ive been through, to really deeply respect where ive come from just lke i have to respect everyones living family my story should be equally respected and taken seriously and not toyed with. thats showing me a true love and if you cannot do this you need to step away and honestly man. its not like a step away for awhile and we’ll see like people are like wow ur so black and white but why am i fucking with a future you when both present and past blew it? there is no evidence to even back up future you and by the time future you outweighs all of this karmically, who the fuck cares that we ever knew each other its like some kid i sat beside in a classroom. like cool bro ur still alive wow nice. i never want to deal with him or anyting about him again. he made me carry so much of his weight he refuses to see it and i didnt need any of this in my life and i didnt ask for him to do any of this in my life. but i shouldve walked away sooooo long ago. i can reprimand myself fo this. but i also know im on my process and this is part of it. this is three years out. im not even homeless or fucked up im just like super sad about all of it. 

he had this speech about how i had to get the surgery before because we had to be ready for spring. so he had intertwined this surgery with this proposed future and i had to do it to be prepared and show him im serious and now im like bro if i get one in 3 months who cares ill just go to the hospital again. this is an option. they never said i would die if i idnt get it. its just a like.. quality of life surgery. and my quality of life is shit anyways this surgery and these cysts mean nothing to me and having to go through all of this man.. at one point he had literally said “if you dont get surgery because of me then thats how itll have to be” 

so you stepped on other people, you hurt other people and if they dont do a thing to better themselves because they have to deal with you “then so be it”? im going to ~rehab~.

i havent turned my phone back on for a few hours i guess and i really dont want to. he wont have done anything differnt, ill have gotten no messages but i dont know. i just.. i want to forget all of this. him, the surgery. just continue to hobbit for the month or something and “figure something out”.