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evilminji · 1 year ago

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Okay, But, >.> Listen...

So MAYBE, just MAYBE, I am an incureable RoFan Isekai nerd. Shut up about it, maybe. What're you a cop? Mind your business. BUT! And hear me out...

W...What would actually? HAPPEN if Danny went into a Visual Novel? Some Otome game? You know, aside from being vague flustered by and then DEEPLY ALARMED by these walking Red Flag Fruitloops that girls are supposed to find "dreamy" or something?

Like we know how MMOs work for him. And probably OTHER open world games? But a visual novel? Would it be like the Christmas Episode? Would he hear narration? Be stuck in static "scenes"? Or would it be like a cut together "only the interesting parts" movie that he's somehow IN?

Like?? At SOME point his curiosity is gonna get the best of him. He's gonna want to know what different video games are LIKE on the inside? What's Pong like? Tetris? Mario? One of those Mama's cooking games? Etc etc.

He probably hits up a game sale. Buys a box or two. Figures he can always resell um or just give them away for free. Might even use them for parts. Who knows. And?

It's kinda cool!

It's even SCIENCE! See? Tucker's in charge of notes. Sam's in charge of hilarious commentary and pizza. Jazz is keeping them from drinking and doing ghost shit (terrible combination, we never speak of What Happened(tm) again). And the Dr's. Fenton got distracted by making fudge and debating what games should be counted towards which categories.

They've made an afternoon of it.

And NOW? They've reached the bottom of box one. It was "Survive The Villainess! My Rose for You!" Or... judging by Sam's climbing eyebrows and growing scowl? A DEEPLY unpleasant porn game about school girls.

You could not PAY him enough.

Yeah, he DOES realistically kinda want to know what happens.. if.. like? You know... sexy games... like would he? Or does he just WATCH or...? *awkward cough* But! That's NOT for Family Science Night! And DEFINITELY not THAT game, THANKS.

He'll find himself an ETHICALLY SOURCED smutty game full of consensual boning. For PRIVATE TIME. Those test results are gonna show up like MAGIC and we WILL NOT be talking about them! Got it? Good.

Now what the fuck is he look at here?

Jazz is surprisingly knowledgeable. They are not allowed to ask. They respect it. The main character "wakes up" inside the body of a "villainess" and must survive. Turn her terrible reputation around. Avoid "death flags". Preferably romance one of the hot guys?

Uuuuuuuh... you realize Danny's in a committed relationship, right?

Sam and Turker allow it. But they reserve the right to blast his taste in Fantasy Guy's. Chose carefully, for their roasting shall be BRUTAL. Luuuuuv yoooou~♡

He wants a divorce. They're not even MARRIED and he wants a divorce. You see how they mock him, Jazz? The cruelty he suffers? He's taking the Blobs and moving to Frightknight's. They always warned him about you living folks and your fast ways, but he didn't listen! *continued dramatics* *is smacked with a pillow*

But actually going IN? The weirdly, vaguely European over the top EVERYTHING? Giant jewels and ridiculous, fancy dresses? The walking red flag Romantic Archtype Leads? He wants to PUNCH half these guys! This is ABUSE! Are people OKAY!?

Like? I feel like he'd stay way, WAY longer then he needed too? Just out of morbid curiosity? W-where is this plot GOING? It's so dramatic. Why is my dress MORE dramatic now? Why is everything so... Sparkly.

It would be? AMAZING and baffling and I would pay real money to hear their live commentary. "Why not simply judo flip the crown prince off the balcony, then take over the country, sweetie?" "Solid plan, honey! He deserves it!" Beautiful. Flawless. Sage advice really. Too bad Danny can barely walk in his five million bows dress.

It's the BEST Au and I might be a genius. Or deeply sleep deprived. Meh. We'll 50/50 it, six of one, half a dozen of another.

@hdgnj @ailithnight @nerdpoe @the-witchhunter

#dpxdc #dcxdp #dc x dp prompt #danny phantom #RoFan #Family Science Night #is an excuse to fuck around and eat pizza #but if you write notes #its technically SCIENCE now!#this week #danny brought GAMES #game testing Au #RoFan games #otome games and ghost powers au #dp x dc #dc x dp

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murasaki-cha · 11 months ago

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A little book rant! I love dual pov in romance books! I love them so so so much!!

And I especially love them when there's a closed off love interest who doesn't really emote much!

Because we go to character A (main character) and we see things from their perspective. They might do something stupid. They might be doing the most normal thing ever. They might be doing something very romantic. Heck they might be just breathing. And they look at character B and they're just standing there looking blankly, or looking grumpy, at most they might have a small smile.

AND THAN WE GET TO CHARACTER B POV!! AND THEY ARE JUST SCREAMING ON THE INSIDE!! LIKE THEY ARE GOING AKSKLDKSNSLDKNSKSPSNSKSOKS! They are in fact this close👌 to crying because of the feelings character A is making them feel.

I go feral over this!!

If I have to give some excamples

I would say one of the greatest moments in my existence was when I was reading Assistant To The Villain and Evie kissed Trystan AND THAN IMMEDIATELY we jumped to Trystan's pov! I almost cried ngl. I freaking screamed for 3 minutes straight (on the inside because I was in public). Honestly it was hilarious going to Evie's pov and she's all "Oh my god I would kill for him, I can't let him figure me out" and than we go to Trystan's and he's all "Crap I'd kill for her I can't let her figure me out".

Wes isn't the type of love interest I described but the extra chapters from Better Than The Movies that were from his pov (The party, Liz's proposal, Basketball Night and their road trip chapters) might have completed my entire life. Might have been the missing piece of my soul. Might have given me a new purpose for living. Might have rewired my brain. Just might have.

A Thousand Heartbeats by Kiera Cass made me experience all the emotions THEY JUST LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH THOSE FREAKING IDIOTS!!

*punching a wall* AARON! FUCKING! WARNER'S! POV! CHAPTERS!!!!

I'm reading the Shepherd King duology and book 2, Two Twisted Crowns has 3 pov but 2 of those are between the main character and her love interest in the first book so it counts (also this series is amazing please read it!!!)

I rescently read The Brightest Light of Sunshine by Lisina Coney, NA romance with an age gap, and it was so so cute and touching and when you read their povs you could tell they both were in love with each other from the begining but they were too stubborn to admit it to themselves! Again the love interest isn't really the type that I described but still they're idiots and he constantly fangirls over her so yeah.

Butcher and Blackbird gets a special mention because I love them! Idiots! Bafoons! Dumbasses in love! Both of them just go asjjskdjdd over each other tho so into the list it goes. God I'm eating this audiobook up like Rowan ate that beef niçoise (iykyk)!!!

Some very specific NA hockey player books and book series. I have needs.

I have to mention Defy The Night, I have to. I have yet to finish Defend The Dawn so shush don't tell me anything. Though I loved the dual pov there less about the romance and more when it came to presenting the current situation of the kingdom from both perspectives of the Royals and the Wilds. So it doesn't really fit with what this post is about but I just wanted to mention it because I really liked this book

And if I had to pick one book that I wish would have a dual pov...... Red White And Royal Blue. Even if Henry's inner monologue would have been a long string of "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKK I'M SO GAY I'M SO SO SO BLOODY GAY!!!!!". I'd pay good money for that actually

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wasawattpadkid · 2 years ago

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Housewife

Part - 16

Summery: Billy and Stu have been planning these murders for quite some time. Everything is going to plan until you show up. What happens when they meet someone who is just as mentally deluded as they are?

Pairing: Poly! ghostface x fem!reader

Warnings for this series: murder, blood, smut (will be more in depth on smut chapters), power dynamics, a dash of sexism, knives, stalking, perverse behavior, cheating, homophobic slang,

Part 1

Billy and Stu sat down on your couch watching you down a full glass of water. You had told them you needed to have a talk which did nothing but tear at their nerves. With a click, you set the empty glass on the counter. "So," The phone began to ring cutting you off.

"Hello?" You pulled the receiver up to your ear. It was your dad. He called once a day to check up on you and Stu. With a sigh, you held out the phone. "He wants to talk to you." Stu smiled grabbing the phone from your hand. "How's it going Mr. L/n?" Stu grabbed the whole phone off the table sitting back on the couch with it. Billy pushed Stu's feet off his legs when the boy tried to use him as a footstool.

"No way! You didn't have to get me anything." Both you and Billy rolled your eyes. Every day your dad called and spent at least 30 minutes talking to Stu. When he first came over you were terrified of what your dad would think of your friend. Now you would pay him money just to dislike him a little bit. It bugged Billy to no end. Your dad didn't know of Billy's existence but he was best friends with Stu. He loudly laughed thinking what your dad said was hilarious. "Give me the phone." Stu looked up at you holding out your hand. "Sorry man Y/n wants the phone back." Your father because of his job and other factors had no one but you to talk to but you. When Stu came along and they got to know each other your dad felt like he was a kid again. Stupid jokes and random music trivia were all the two men talked about.

"Hey, Dad I'm kind of in the middle of something." Both boys on the couch made a face knowing that didn't sound the best. You pulled the phone away as your dad barked through the device. "I didn't mean it like that. We're trying to talk about school." Billy looked over at his partner. Was that all this was about? If so he had nothing to worry about. Now if this serious talk you had to have was about what he said earlier that day then things weren't looking too good for the boy.

"Yes, I'll call you back later and tell you all about today. Yeah okay, I love you too." You sat the phone down ending the call. "Maybe I can actually talk now." You said with a forced laugh. Your boyfriends did nothing but stare at you with concerned faces. Tough crowd. "I have had a wonderful week with you two. It's honestly been amazing."

"But?" Stu asked knowing Billy fucked this up for both of them. "But you two need to move back home." Stu immediately got upset. His hands covered his face trying to keep his composure. Billy just sat quietly like a dog who knew he was in trouble. "It's what he said isn't it?" Stu asked with a huff. You didn't think he'd throw his friend under the bus like that but here you were. "Not entirely. I'm not even really that upset about it anymore. I just think we need some time apart. Get used to going back to school and being normal kids."

"Would you stop using that word?" Stu snapped. You scrunched your face in confusion. "What word?" If you wanted "normal" neither he nor Billy could ever dream of giving it to you. Stu jumped up off the couch in disbelief. "We're not normal. We're fucked in the head. Like hello?" He shook his hands gesturing to the both of them comically.

"You said we were supposed to have conversations. Talk about things as a group but you're just making decisions." Considering this was your home you thought you had the right to tell them to leave. "I know you're upset that's why we need to separate for a bit. We're all becoming dependent on each other. First, me and Billy fought and now we're getting into it. Maybe we've been around each other too long?" You tried to rationalize the situation but it did no good. Not only did Stu feel like he was losing you he was also losing the home he felt he had. He'd have to go back to the horror house that he'd grown to hate. Billy stayed silent. "This is all your fucking fault." Stu pointed at the boy on the couch hanging his head in shame. "Get off my ass," Billy mumbled in response knowing he played a big part in your decision. "No fuck that man!" Stu shouted pointing at the man still sitting. You held up your hands trying to stop the beginning of a fight. "Stu this isn't his fault. I just need space."

That was a worse word than "normal". Space meant drifting apart and drifting apart meant this would be over. "My dad is usually home one week out of the month. You two can come and go as you, please. I'm just saying we shouldn't live together. Hell, we can have sleepovers if you want to. I'll paint your nails and do your hair but you can't stay here. You knew this wouldn't last forever."

It was true. He thought about the day he'd have to leave almost every night this past week. The reminder made him sick like a kid during the last week of summer break. You walked over wrapping your arms around Stu. Billy watched as guilt pooled in his heart. Stu looked pathetic, his face red trying to stop himself from crying.

You pulled away from Stu as he shook his head trying to fling the tears from his eyes. The plan he just came up with made Billy's skin crawl but he knew it'd help speed up the healing process. Stu's back stiffened as his lover hugged him. It was an intimate act Stu hadn't had the pleasure of receiving from Billy. "What the fuck?" Stu mouthed silently as you shrugged. Billy didn't understand how you made changing for others look so easy. He could lie and charm his way into getting anything he wanted. Afterward, he went right back to being the shitty teenager Stu fell for. Stu gave and Billy took that's how the relationship worked before you showed up.

Stu seemed to melt into Billy's embrace. Billy wasn't sure why he had such a disdain for hugs or other physical contact. It wasn't the feeling itself, no the closeness was what the boy craved. It could've been the fear of getting used to the touch. If sex was what he needed he could go out anywhere and get it. The same moans and sweat, nothing different. His partner's touch, however, that he couldn't get anywhere else.

He feared that this was it. You and Stu would ruin anyone else for him. You'd both eat away at his brain like maggots driving him insane. He still wasn't sure if this "thing" was love but he was damn sure it was destructive.

"I'm sorry for shouting," Stu said once Billy dropped his arms. "It's okay." You reassured watching Billy sit back down as if nothing happened. "Can we spend one more night?" The sorrowful-filled question made you giggle. You were infatuated with two of the most over-dramatic men in the world. "Stu, this is not the end of the world. You sound like you won't wake up tomorrow. Things are gonna be fine. I promise. Billy help me out here." You looked over to the boy with his head down.

Billy cleared his throat. "She's right. You're being overdramatic." You frowned as the boy grinned. That's not at all the kind of reinforcement you asked him for. "Oh, I'm overdramatic? You woke me up the other night listening to Stevie Nicks sing about fucking landslides on repeat. Not to mention your ass was crying." Billy stood up pointing a finger at Stu. "Don't bring Fleetwood Mac into this that's different and you know it." His voice was deep and serious which only made it funnier. You smiled thinking about the fact he was listening to your song over and over. "Guys go get washed up so we can start dinner." You dismissed them both with a grin on your face.

The night continued with you being strangely happy. Both men noticed. The hateful things Billy said to you at school were practically erased from your brain. You had this image of Billy sitting in front of the record player listening to a song he knew you loved. Listening to it over and over trying to remember every word of it because you loved it.

That on top of the fact you had Stu wound so tight that the idea of being away from you was upsetting. This was his home and you were his girlfriend. It wasn't a possessive thing to you. You were happy they depended on you. After all these years you had people who cared about you. They could rely on you and you hoped you could rely on them without having to bail someone out of jail.

"Ow fuck!" Stu cursed pulling his hand back from the hot stove. Before you could help Billy stepped in. "You're such a dumbass give me your hand." Billy shook his head as he ran Stu's hand under some cold water. You watched silently not wanting to disturb the two. You wondered how they lived together before you came along. Based on how you thought of them you assumed Billy would be demanding and hateful to his roommate. While Stu was probably clingy and loud. You were wrong. They were just two confused lovesick teenagers. Sure they had obvious flaws but deep down they weren't much different from the other kids.

"Babe, where do you keep your bandaids?" Billy asked noticing you staring off into space. "Oh um, there's some under my bathroom sink." With a nod, he went off toward your bedroom. "Something's different about him," Stu said striking up a conversation with you. You walked over to stir the mac and cheese.

"What do you mean?" Stu moved his head back and forth because he couldn't gesture with his hands. "He's happy can't you tell?" You couldn't help but scoff. If that was Billy happy then you'd pay money to see him elated. "I'm being serious, he's upset about what he said to you today but you haven't noticed how happy he's been this past week?" It hadn't occurred to you that Stu knew Billy way more than you did. You assumed Billy's helpful nature was just something everyone had to stick around long enough to see. "He's not like that all the time?" Stu couldn't believe you were that oblivious.

Billy was sweet but he was never comfortable. Always afraid of someone walking in, seeing or hearing something they shouldn't. Just a few months ago Billy would've told Stu how to help his hand. He might've even wetted a rag before tossing it at Stu. He was kind but never close. If the two had sex Billy had to flick the lock on the door several times making sure it was locked. The lights would be dim and they would both try to be quiet. The simple hug Stu got from Billy earlier almost sent the boy into shock. That was another reason why leaving your house killed him. He was scared of losing all the progress he had made with his partner.

"You know if somebody robs this place they're going after money, not your bandaids," Billy said walking down the steps. You moved away from Stu starting to set the table. "They were right in the front." Billy laughed at your response as he ripped open the package with his teeth. "You had them crammed behind towels, hairspray, makeup, should I go on?" You shook your head at his exaggeration. Stu looked over at you making sure you took note of Billy's behavior that night. With the package open he dried off Stu's hand placing the bandaid on top of his burn. "That's going to blister so don't pick at it." Billy flicked the wound smiling when Stu winced.

To you, it was a rude thing to do but Stu knew it was how Billy showed affection. "Thanks, pal!" Stu said sarcastically holding his hand. "Anytime." Eventually, you all sat down eating dinner rather quietly. It finally dawned on everyone there that the boys were going home. If Stu's parents were still home Billy would just sneak through his window. Both men knew why Billy stayed away from his own home.

"So..." You spoke trying to break the sad silence. What Dewey told you to do was easier said than done. "Do you two have any plans this week?" That was a normal question, right? Both boys looked at each other in amusement. "Not anymore," Stu said with a scoff. It was petty but you knew he'd get over it eventually.

"I'll probably stop by the video store on the way to Stu's place and stock up on movies for the week." Billy shrugged before taking another bite of his food. A look of confusion appeared on your face. You huffed out a laugh realizing that they couldn't separate. "I thought your parents were still home?" Stu waved you off with a laugh. "Since when has that stopped me? He'll just crawl through my window like he always does." Billy elbowed his partner making the boy groan.

You couldn't help but feel a little upset that you'd be alone while the two of them spent time together. Billy started to smirk as he saw the look on your face. "Having second thoughts?" He asked thinking your jealousy was amusing. "No, I still think time apart will do us good." You stood your ground. "Why the switch up? I mean all week you seemed so happy with us and now you want us out. I get it if it's because of what he said but you're not even mad at him." Stu gestured to his lover and Billy had no objection. He was just as curious as Stu was.

Thinking of something to say without putting Dewey's name out was difficult. You liked Billy and Stu but you didn't trust them not to do something stupid. "Honestly? School was hell for me. The whole fucking place thinks I was sleeping with you and Tatum found out so we somehow murdered everyone."

Both men had heard the infamous rumor. Stu found the idea of you killing everyone rather funny while Billy was concerned with your reputation. "I- I've been looked at and talked about all day and then the one person who treated me with respect you lost your mind over him." You pointed at Billy as you spoke your last sentence. "I just don't want you getting hurt is all." He wasn't lying Billy knew better than anyone that men almost always had ulterior motives. When he first saw you walk into his 7th period his immediate thought was what you looked like under that dress.

You rolled your eyes taking a sip of your drink. "I've got to agree with him we're not the only fucked up people in Woodsboro. What if you became friends with Ted Bundy?" Stu raised his eyebrows with a shrug trying to add dramatics to his point. "If I told you two that some guy was bothering me what would you do? And be honest."

Billy laughed at the question. "If you think we have no self-restraint-" Stu spoke up cutting his friend off. "Kill him." With an open palm, you held out your hand gesturing towards Stu. Billy pinched the bridge of his nose. "What? Did I say something wrong?" Of course, Stu didn't understand how barbaric his statement was. "I'd talk to him. If he doesn't listen, well then we'd cross that bridge when we get to it." Billy's answer was better than Stu's but you weren't too sure of the truth behind it. "I just want to have friends. I don't care if you two have friends."

"That's a lie!" Stu said slapping a hand on the table. Billy looked over at the boy causing a scene. "You would be jealous as shit if me and Billy had girl friends." Billy's tongue prodded the inside of his cheek as he raised his eyebrows at you. It pained you that Stu was right. Earlier that day seeing Stu surrounded by those girls made your blood boil. "Okay fine. What if I introduced you to Chase and his girlfriend? They could sit with us at lunch."

"No that's our spot," Billy said matter of factly. "We've always sat there." Stu chimed in. "You don't have to move I'm just saying they could come over and sit for one day." Neither of the boys was persuaded. You groaned. Getting them to open up was like pulling teeth. "Come on guys just this once. Please..." You puffed out your bottom lip making Billy cringe. The act made Stu melt. You were adorable in his eyes.

Billy still wasn't impressed. You stood up walking over to the boy. Slowly you leaned down whispering something in his ear that would make a sailor blush with shame. "You're a bitch." Billy sighed as you smiled. "I know!" You chirped earning a high five from Stu.

"How does it feel to be pussy whipped Billy Loomis?" Stu spoke into an invisible microphone holding his fist out to Billy. You giggled watching the two get on each other's nerves. "At least I get pussy Macher." Billy raised his eyebrows with a smile. "You always have to hurt me!" Stu cried hiding his face from the boy. "Mrs. Brady here would be happy to lend me some, wouldn't you sweetheart?" Stu batted his eyelashes up at you. You started to clean off the table as the new nickname bounced around your head. "Mrs. Brady?" You laughed raking off the plates into the garbage. "I'm trying it out." He shrugged getting up to help you.

After dinner, you and the boys ended up on the living room floor cuddling while Mallrats played on the TV. Courtesy of the one and only Stu Macher. Billy's back rested against the couch while his arm was draped over your shoulder. Stu chose to rest his head on your stomach laughing every time it made an odd noise.

Little things like this made you question what exactly you wanted. You loved them you were positive. Part of you hated yourself because of it. It was too soon and you were just seniors in high school. You weren't sure if the voice in your head was you or Dewey talking. That discussion with him really bothered you. You wanted to ignore him and continue this little fantasy you had all made out but you knew he was right.

Once the movie ended you helped the boys pack their bags. "I'm calling you when I get home." Stu's words let you know that even though he was gone he made sure it felt like he never left. "I look forward to it." You kissed him for what felt like the first time. Billy smiled partly because the two of you were cute and the other part because he knew he was next. You pulled away from Stu helping him grab all of his bags.

"Don't think I'd forget about you." You grinned before kissing Billy just like you had Stu. His hands found your waist hoping to buy him and his lover some time. Your collar grew hot as his lips trailed down your jaw. "Okay okay, that's enough." Stu stomped his foot. "Damn it! It was just getting good." Billy had a stupid smile on his face making you roll your eyes.

"You two are perverts." You said as Billy started to pack out his luggage throwing it in the back of his car. "And you, my little freak are into it." Stu kissed your forehead making your cheeks grow warm. "Whatever." Stu picked up his bags throwing them next to his friends. "Drive safe okay?" You leaned on the door frame watching the two boys get into the car. "No promises." Billy laughed starting up the car. "I'll miss you!" Stu shouted hanging out of the car window. "I bet."

You watched the car disappear down the street. Dewey had heard Stu's shouting drawing him towards his window. The deputy didn't think you'd follow his advice. Sure enough, there went Loomis and Macher down the road. With a smile, Dewey closed his blinds getting back to his paperwork.

Taglist (closed): @katie-tibo @agustdeeyaa @bowlofceral @gonnapermashift @tati-the-fangirl @kozumewhore @tatijoestar @illyanam1011 @c4rved-pumpk1n @msghostface @gojosbucket @sammanna @lokigirlszendaya @reneki @fetusharryluvr @kadu-5607 @pumpk1n-writes @lovekeeho @zeysartzone @life-of-music3 @flyestvenustrap @littleblondesoprano @loomiscorpse @nicciekawegosblog @reneemunson @miss-puregotti @ksgsfsgaj @zoleea-exultant @briefwinnerpersonaturtle @mistydreamscape @l4venderia @nex-crowley @ashreblogsnow @brynaa223 @your-desire666 @billyloomiswhore4 @holyladyofsorrows @megluv1 @ellieswifeiya @yoluvrz @forallthstarsinthesky @madsothree @youcantbesirius @lubunnii @captainhowdysseptum @geekygremlin @madneedshelp

Part 17

A/N: Hey all you lovely readers. I hit 1,000 followers and I just wanted to thank all of you. You guys are really the sweetest. I'm glad you all are enjoying the series! 💕

(if your name has a line through it Tumblr wouldn't let me tag you)

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kandisheek · 5 months ago

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FIC REC WEEK 27 – NO POWERS

SERIES: The Foodieverse by copperbadge, scifigrl47

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: T Words: 164,406 Tags: Chef AU, Food Truck, Hipsters

Summary: It's an AU where everyone works in the food industry. That makes total sense and is definitely not wildly irrational on any axis.

Reasons why I love it: This AU is chicken noodle soup for the soul. It's funny, fluffy, makes me hungry and happy, and generally is something that I consider a cornerstone of this fandom. If you haven't read it yet, do yourself a favor and get right on it, because it's amazing! There are 22 fics and podfics in this series, so while I'm not going to list all of them here, I'm going to rec some of my favorites. But really, you should read all of them front to back, because they're fantastic and deserve all the love.

This series consists of:

Feed The Body, Nourish The Soul

Pairing: Gen Rating: T Words: 6,542 Tags: Hipster Steve, Humor, Cook-Off

Summary: Steve Rogers just wanted to sell good, nourishing, cheap food from his food truck. Now the crazy fusion chefs from TOBRU are calling him a hipster, the avant garde restaurant "Shield" across the street has declared war on chains, and...well, then there's Thor, who thinks Steve's habit of licking food is weird.

Reasons why I love it: The one that started it all. I love all of the different restaurants and the choices of who runs them, it feels very in character. Also, the dialogue is hilarious, and I really, really want to try one of Thor's crunchy crab thingies and Steve's rhubarb-pie-on-a-stick, but alas, I guess some things must remain in the realm of fantasy. Also, Steve the Hot Foodie going viral is the best thing ever. Definitely check this one out, it's great!

Hot Potato

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: G Words: 2,251 Tags: Food Trucks, Cooking Show, Potatoes

Summary: Potato Rescue is the hottest new food truck nobody knows about. Steve is determined to make Sam Wilson king of all potatoes.

Reasons why I love it: Yaaaas, bring in some Sam! I love the hints of Winterfalcon here, and Steve pretty much becoming the leader of the Sam Wilson fanclub after eating his food once is my favorite thing ever. I adore this fic, it's so much fun!

TRUCKBRU

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: G Words: 2,245 Tags: Comic-Con, partly RPF, Humor

Summary: Tony's idea of a food truck is...interesting.

Reasons why I love it: I would pay good money to see Chris Evans in that Hetalia cosplay. I love how Tony can't help but go completely overboard in everything he does, and how everyone has become a little culinary family. This fic is super funny and sweet, as is this whole series, and I really hope you check it out!

A Movable Feast

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: T Words: 74,388 Tags: Road Trips, Kidfic, AU Crossover

Summary: The epic road trip of food truck hipster Steve Rogers, chef Tony Stark, and self-propelled trouble magnet DJ Fujikawa.

Reasons why I love it: Alright, so, if you're a fan of scifigrl47's OCs, specifically DJ Stark, then you'll probably be like me and squeal with joy when you realize that this fic is a fucking Foodieverse and Tales of the Bots CROSSOVER, oh my god, this is the best thing ever!! I'm so goddamn happy this exists, and even if you haven't read TotB, you'll definitely still enjoy this fic, so I really hope you give it a shot!

A Taste of Home

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: T Words: 24,066 Tags: Domestic Fluff, Comfort Food, Sick Tony

Summary: Tony Stark runs one of the most celebrated molecular gastronomy restaurants in the country. Steve Rogers parks his food truck on the curb outside, with food that's no less brilliant and well made, but possibly more filling. They end up at Tony's place almost every night, and while he's not objecting, Tony's starting to wonder just why that is.

Reasons why I love it: This fic is just fantastic. The food porn is food porning, the humor is superb, and the hint of angst is like a little cherry on top. I love the entire part where Tony is sick, Steve is adorable and Isaiah and Eli have my entire heart. Plus, Bucky is a menace, as usual. I love everything about this and the whole series in general, and I really hope that you go and check it out for yourself, if you haven't already!

#marvel #fanfic #stony #a year in fanfic recs #fic rec #fanfic rec #fanfiction recommendation #no powers au

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nerdieforpedro · 2 months ago

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I Deserve This

Part Three of Foul Play

Javier Peña x Aria Davis (plus size OFC)

My entire masterlist and blog are for readers 18+ MDNI. I do not consent to my work being used in AI, recommended on TikTok, borrowed or plagiarized.

Summary: Michael is up to no good and Aria finds it hilarious as it helps her make up her mind. Javier is busy plotting and doing some stress relief.

Warnings: cheating, sex work, rough sex, fiance is an asshole, porn reference, unprotected P in V

Word Count: a little over 1.2k

Notes: I should be able to post the last part tomorrow, I think. I just have to edit some more.

Main Masterlist/ Javier Peña Masterlist/ AO3 Link

Michael was Aria’s fiance. They’d been together a year before he proposed and it was six months before his reassignment to Bogota, Columbia. He’d thought about not bringing her, leaving her behind and doing the long distance thing. He’d heard from other members of his team that had gone before that the whores down there were amazing, unlike the ones in the states. Doing all sorts of acts and positions for much less money and they were hotter. He didn’t think Aria would agree to the separate apartments since she’d never been to Columbia before. Michael had come for a month to scope things out and make living arrangements for them and may have not stressed that they were going to be living separately. He explained once the couple arrived in Columbia that this was a standard agent thing. For her protection of course. She’s been pissed, but there wasn’t anything she could do about it now. Aria was here with Michael and she couldn’t go back easily. She’d have to make the best of it, at least she had work.

It’s not that Michael didn’t love her, he did and he saw Aria as his future wife, someone who would get along with his mother and who could raise his children. Not a woman who had needs and wants. It’s not something he concerned himself with while he was paying two women to lick each side of his cock like he’d seen on PornHub. The two women saw it as easy work and honestly their tongues were able to touch as they coated his dick in their spit. One of them, a woman who had dyed her hair a cinnamon color, grasped his balls in her hand and teased the skin, sliding her fingers into the wrinkled skin. It made Michael cum and pant on the bed, a small giggle escaped from the other woman’s lips that still had some of her violet lipstick on as they prepared to leave, taking their money from his dresser. On their way out. They saw a photo of Michael and Aria on a beach trip they’d taken while in the states. The women pitied her, for not only having him as a fiance but his small dick, maybe she liked it they figured.

Aria did not.

She was willing to put up with Michael’s thin dick because he was sweet and had a good credit score. That was the life you’re supposed to have, right? With a good man who maybe you get to feel good every once in a while, have children and raise them, then grandkids and die of old age. He would die first because men usually do.

Did she really need to? Especially after she came to see him at his apartment and heard the embarrassingly short session he had with the two beautiful women. Aria had seen them leave and she was thankful they either didn’t know who she was or didn’t care since they’d been paid, all she heard was them say “Eso fue fácil (That was easy).” And she laughed, leaning against the wall of the dim hallway.

It was then that Aria decided she would have Javier anyway she could get him.

The next day at work, she wore a light pink silk blouse that glided against her skin. She left two buttons undone after she got into the office to begin her plan. Her skirt hit just above the knee but flared out, she wanted it loose so it could be dropped or moved out of the way quickly. Aria even had her kitten heels in a separate bag that she popped on once she got in. The other women in the office commented on it, mentioning that she looked pretty and maybe it was for her fiance. Aria just smiled and said that it was for someone special, she’d let them think that.

Javier wondered about Aria the evening before, even going as far as to reach out to an informant who looked similar to her but the hips, belly and breasts weren’t as large. He had the woman hover above his cock as she called his name, purring it while she sank down on him and started moving. He knew it wasn’t enough weight on top of him, Aria would force him to thrust harder than he needed to, he would be able to dig his hands into her and not worry about harming her. He wondered if she squirted, probably not with how she spoke about her fiance. He figured whoever the bastard was, she wouldn’t be able to call his name let alone squeeze his cock like he was doing now. He began calling the woman he was with Aria’s name instead of Angel, her name. As Javier flipped the woman on her back, it was too easy and her thighs didn’t allow his hands to sink into them as he sunk his cock further into her core, his tip hitting at an angle that her eyes rolled back, and her walls squeezed Javier’s cock as he spilled inside of her, calling Aria’s name.

He realized later that he’d been a bit rough with Angel as her hips bore bruises from his fingers. It’s not who he wanted them on. He gave her some extra money because it wasn’t part of what they’d agreed to when he picked her up outside of the bar. Javier was a man of his word and even if she said it was fine, he knew it wasn’t. He may wet his dick with many women, but he’s never harm them purposely.

Agent Peña arrived at the embassy the next day curious where the accounting department was. Sure she had a fiance, but he felt the need to bury himself in her cunt. He’s going to have Aria call his name instead of her fiancé’s. Javier’s tongue ran across his bottom lip at the thought. “I’ll ruin her for him.”

Javier was able to get a few hours of sleep before rolling into the office the next day. Freshly showered, just finished a cigarette and downed two cups of coffee, he was making his way to his office when he heard something interesting. A man was mentioning Aria’s name, some bland average looking guy named Michael, he was talking about how Aria didn’t visit him like she was supposed to yesterday. He called her and she sounded out of breath and said she was tired, she’d gotten home not too long ago from a shop she normally goes to. “Why wouldn’t they…Ah.” It hits Javier, Michael is that type of man. People talk about Javier for his numerous trysts, but he’s not promised to any one woman, if he was he wouldn't be as well acquainted with as many women as he is. He’s also well aware of his job and he can’t ask his partner to take on the burden of loving him and being in danger. This nitwit from the conversation he’s hearing had brought her down here with him and had her living alone. No wonder she wasn’t exactly thrilled to be saying she was engaged to this guy.

Javier is most definitely ruining Aria. she’s too good for this smug bastard.

Part Two. Part Four

Players in Javi P’a game 😘: @syd-djarin @magpiepills @megamindsecretlair @soft-persephone @indiegirlunited

@guelyury @yorksgirl @readingiskeepingmegoing @fhatbhabiee @angelofsmalldeath-codeine

@javierpena-inatacvest

#pedro pascal characters #javier pena fanfiction #javier peña #pedro pascal fanfiction #fanfiction #nerdieforpedro #javier pena narcos #javier peña smut #javier peña x ofc #foul play

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sarascamander · 7 months ago

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If you love Kit and Ty, you HAVE to read the Adventure of Holloway Holmes — it gives the EXACT VIBE of KitTy. I'm not even kidding. We have two wannabe sleuths absolutely pining for each other, crimes to solve, amazing banters, and just so much more! One of the similarities:

1. The main character is Jack Moreno who Kit wished he was. I LOVE KIT but Jack stole my heart in a way he didn't lmao. They both are sarcastic, hilarious, independent and undeniably in love with their partner in crime. Honestly, being in Jack's head is one of the best experiences of my love. It's so fun!

I wanted to close my eyes. I wanted to smack my head against the steering wheel. Off the top of my head, I could make a list: some fairly good weed, a lot of addies, condoms (not that those were illegal), unopened vapes (those were), this rare tentacle porn manga that Ty Bryce had paid me for but asked me to hold on to. After I got out of prison in thirty years, I already knew, Dad was going to make me have a super awkward sex talk.

2. And Holmes aka H (as Jack fondly nicknamed because Holloway Holmes is such a posh name in his humble opinion) is so precious!!!! I want to wrap him in a blanket burrito even though he is actually capable of breaking my arm without blinking. But god! Someone needs to take care of him. Although it's never been specified in the book, I'm 80% sure he's autistic. Either that or he was badly abused (which he was). He reminded me of Ty by the way he speaks and acts.

I examined his face. Then I gave him a smile. He was doing a Holmes thing, not looking me in the eye, so I moved my head until he was. This was something we’d been working on.

3. You know how Kit will suddenly drift to a paragraph of how beautiful Ty is? Well, Jack Moreno might give Kit a run for his money (he's so obsessed with H's knuckles and the thousands of shades of gold in his hair, it's embarrassing)

He made a frustrated noise. Then he smiled. The expression was a little stiff; he wasn’t used to doing it, and it was another of those things that he was self-conscious about. I’d read about people who get up at two or three in the morning—on vacation, no less, when they’re in Hawaii—and then they drive hours and hours, and all of it is to see the sunrise from this one specific spot, and I thought, Come to Utah if you want something worth your time

Context: they're in Utah. Jack basically said that Holmes' smile is prettier than the sunrise!! 😩

4. Their relationship is literally so pure and one of the things that get me insane about them is their communication!! They always worked hard to communicate with each other and sort things out it's so satisfying to read!!

“I lied,” Holmes said, but he still wasn’t looking me in the eye. “I am angry with you.” “I guessed.” “I don’t want to do this right now.” “It’s good practice."

5. Their banter is *chef kiss*

“I’ll tell him it’s a sex thing.” “Good,” Holmes said. “He’ll be pleased that all your hours of mindless pornography are finally paying dividends.” My jaw legit dropped. “H!” “Desk, please.” “That was so amazingly bitchy.” “Desk.” “And, like, also kind of evil. Which I loved.”

And there are literally hundreds of reasons to read this trilogy if you are craving for Kit and Ty. And although their vibes are similar, they are also their own people. And words can't say how much I adore them. The story and relationship is really beautifully written. I honestly don't care much about the crime but I'm obsessed with these two

Some of my favourites quotes:

He sat there in silhouette, head down. I knew the curve of his spine. I knew the span of his shoulders. Anywhere, I thought. I could be anywhere and know you

“You are my soul, Jack Moreno. I do not know why John Watson wrote his stories that way, why he wrote himself so small, when he was so much more. I do not think I will ever understand. But I do not want to know what I would be without you.”

I knew that he was something more than me, something vast and wonderful that I could only touch the edges of. But for someone like me, the edge was enough—just a glimpse was enough. And, more importantly for right now, I knew what he sounded like when he’d been hurt, the quality of his breathing, because I’d hurt him in a way few people ever had. Which was why, in those rare midnight hours when I could be honest with myself, I knew it was better this way, as friends. Because I didn’t deserve him

“But he was so much more. Sherlock Holmes was a brilliant detective, Jack. He would have been that regardless of other circumstances. But he was a good man—he was a happy man—because of John Watson.”

“What do you say to that, I wanted to know. What am I supposed to say? What do you want me to say? But what I was really asking was, How am I supposed to do this again? I barely survived the first time; what am I supposed to do when you leave me again?”

I had seen, this spring, jacaranda blossoms so pale they were almost blue, trembling with the breath of the mountains. I had seen, when I'd been twelve, a foil of goldfinches flocking against the crushed dusk. I had seen a shooting star once, thinning across the sky like combed silver. And I had seen Holloway Holmes smile.

There's so much but I don't want to spam so I really hope you give it a try!!

#jack moreno #holloway holmes #ty blackthorn #kit herondale

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anonymoushouseplantfan · 2 years ago

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Episode 2

They’re in NY. It’s November 2021. They are running away from paparazzi that…aren’t there? Meghan says there was a guy recording them in the basement but the footage is Kate and Diana. Lol, they are in the NJ Turnpike pretending they are being followed by paps. This is bizarre and hilarious.

More bitching about social media harassment, which is apparently a bunch of Twitter posts.

Doria does a confessional. Why isn’t Doria pretending she didn’t know who Harry was? Didn’t she get the brief? How does the yoga teacher know about the royals but the Northwestern International Relations graduate does not? She knew right away too. It’s a weird disconnect and the show is full of them. Every two minutes they say something that makes you go “Whaaaaaat? Didn’t they just say….”

Relationship breaks. They “felt tremendous relief.” Of course they did. They leaked it. No mention of the Reitman’s collection or the fact that this was leaking during on of Charles’ big trips. No spooning bananas instagram pic either.

Tatcha CEO is credited as “friend.” Wellness podcaster “friend.” Former agent. Lol, these people are business associates, not friends. First mention of Meghan’s fauxlantropist work, which baffles me as they should have led with that. “Childhood friend” of Harry’s that I never heard of shows up again. Harry really was ringing up everyone in the Eton yearbook trying to find some desperate classmate hungry for exposure. Montage of the press Sunshine Sachs and Nina Crowne set up for her—UN, Rwanda, etc…. They did nice work and they should have spent more time on this. But maybe not. Someone may start wondering what happened to her passion for Rwandan women’s political rights, hygiene, and menstrual pads. But if you pay for an expensive pr makeover you should use it.

According to Tom Bower she was paying SS $7500/mo and I’m amazed at what a good pr company can do with a four figure monthly stipend. The “classy” makeover lasted three months so they turned her into a humanitarian princess for less than $25k. Impressive.

Flower shop pap walk. Interesting choice since this wasn’t the first pap shot of Meghan and she seems to imply it was. The first pap shot was days earlier at her house and she had a security team with her. I wonder why she picked the flower shop shot which is actually a lot less intrusive (in appearance at least) than the real first pic. Maybe because she had security in the earlier picture? Meghan claims there were 8 or 9 paps at the flower shop but there’s only one video so that seems unlikely. Shop wasn’t anywhere near her house also. Rumor was Marcus took this shot. Maybe she was trying to send some money his way by using his pic.

Stock video of paps because she has no video of paps chasing her of course. Pics of official royal events.

Back to Toronto. Lol, those are clearly security guards in her porch and not paps. Ditto with her landlord’s security cameras. I think there was a DM article when those went up and Legion Media’s pic still states that those cameras were mounted on what was Meghan’s garage and not on her neighbor’s house as the documentary implies.

At least she doesn’t mention the fake break-in. Guess she knows that won’t fly anymore. But still, how can you show video from the cameras in front of the house and then claim the cameras in the back were from the neighbors? Obviously the house had cameras in the back too.

[Edited to add: She says Toronto police didn't protect her and the police strongly disagree.]

��My face was everywhere, my life was everywhere.” She blames the tabloids, but that wasn’t true. You were leaking stories to US Weekly and Lainey every other day, girl. It was part of your “classy” makeover. No mention of that weird video of Ivy Mulroney that was sent to the DM. Odd since you would think that would be a big intrusion, if it had been done by a pap.

“There were things that were said and things that were written that I had to go to her to ask.” That would be the cheating on Cory and Del Zotto, I guess.

Back to LA. My husband asks what she did to her nose. It does look weird in this shot.

Doria and Meghan tour LA and Meghan’s life was not that interesting. This should have been edited, heavily. I do love that she sold the same childhood pics her dad sold. Like father, like daughter. Dish soap commercial. My husband asks how much plastic surgery she has had because she looks nothing like her old self. Interesting that he’s only half-watching and his main impressions are drugs and plastic surgery.

Racism and media persecution. Wait, some of these pics are from before the relationship broke. They are from the paps she hired during her European vacation with Jess.

Academic guy blames the UK tabloids for fanning the madness. No mention of Omid Scobie and USWeekly, who were the ones steadily pushing the romance narrative with stories about Charles meeting her at Birkhall and William meeting her at Kensington Palace, as well as their vacation plans.

And Lainey Liu was boasting that the US mags were getting the scoops and not the UK tabloids because Harry was feeding the stories only to the US. So why blame the UK tabloids, Harry? You knew what you were doing. They could finesse this in 2016 when no one knew that Lainey was friends with Meghan and that Omid was their mouthpiece, but that is not the case anymore. Their unofficial biographer was leaking these stories in 2016. It was not the UK tabloids!

And then there was Meghan herself, Instagramming all over the place.

Whole Foods pap walk. According to Tom Bower, Richard Kay was the guy who got the pic. Unbelievable. That actually surprised me. No wonder that detail was never released. No one would have believed that Diana's big confidante just randomly noticed Meghan walking into KP.

Kensington Palace statement. No mention of William supporting the statement. No mention of the Caribbean tour that got overshadowed by the romance.

NAACP award really was in front of a green screen with an applause soundtrack. LOLOLOLOL. It looks so sad, particularly when compared to the footage of the royal events. I think this is supposed to show that their life is better than before (They get awards! In front of green screens!) but it gives the exact opposite impression.

Harry with the hummingbird feeder also looks sad and pathetic. Archie could be in Africa petting elephants but he’s in Cali admiring hummingbirds instead.

Meghan’s personal assistant talks about how she would be recognized in the Toronto grocery stores. Lol, no. She wishes!

Security stuff, including complaints about paps around the Suits trailers which seems odd to me since those are pretty standard for television productions. Also, why are the Invictus Games pictures intrusive? Suits security guy says they were coordinating her security with the palace and “they would handle that stuff.” Interesting detail since she claims she wasn’t protected by the palace and Harry was “hearing this from miles away, completely helpless.” Apparently, she was protected and from day one. Did they watch this before they sent it to Netflix? Did they not notice that half the stuff they put in it contradicts the other half?

Boring stuff…April 2017 already? They are booking flights to Pippa’s wedding and her Vanity Fair photoshoot through texts. LOL, she was doing a huge interview at the time, but she’s complaining about media intrusion. Make it make sense.

Pics with friends riding bikes. Old pic in her Toronto kitchen. Did they use this one twice? I would not have used it even once. Wait, was this what she was wearing when she met Will and Kate? LOLOLOLOL. “That formality carried over in real life.” I guess Kate was wearing shoes when she met Meghan. The nerve of that girl!

Andrew helped them ambush the Queen at Royal Lodge. That got leaked to Scobie at US Weekly too.

“How do you explain that you have to bow to your grandmother?” Uh, she was like….The Queen? What part of that is hard to understand?

She just compared meeting the Queen to Medieval Times. Wow. Big, exaggerated curtsy. She sounds and looks like an idiot. Fergie said she did great. Of course she did. She didn’t know how to curtsy? How does someone go through high school theater in the United States of Disney without knowing how to curtsy? [Edited: HRH Emilie found a clip of a curtsy scene she did for Suits because of course she did]

His family was impressed. LOL, I don’t think so. The actress thing was the biggest problem…wait, wasn’t her race the biggest problem? Can’t they keep their stories straight?

Interestingly the very first Blind Gossip blind was about how her profession was the problem and not her race. I suspected these blinds came from the Yorks and now I feel pretty good about that guess.

Meghan’s career. No blow-job or cocaine scene. No mention of her old blog. Interesting. I guess I can sort of understand that, but no mention of Trevor either? Are they going to pretend she was never married? No stories about being poor and crawling out of the back of her dad’s old truck either.

First biracial character? Eh, no. Meg was the glue for a lot of those cast relationships, but only one cast members participated in the documentary. Did no one do a consistency check on this show?

Screenshot of the Tig…with Cory front and center. That is hilarious because I don’t think they’ve mentioned him yet. Okay, now I’m sure Meghan didn’t watch this before it went live. She would have caught that and asked them to use a different shot.

“I didn’t want to find the great indie film that would win me an Oscar. I just wanted to volunteer.” She was literally releasing an indie film at this time. It was terrible. This documentary is like a lie-a-thon. Every other statement is a complete lie.

UN Speech. Is the crowd shot a stock picture (or archival picture, whichever is the right term)? It feels edited in. Jump to September 2021 at the UN. Okay, so the whole point of that meeting was the documentary. We knew that.

Proposal. He couldn’t do it outside the UK? Everyone else has done so outside the UK. What are you talking about, Harry?

Also, no mention of her appearance at Invictus Games? How come none of their charities are getting shout-outs? No mention of the “Mad About Harry” Vanity Fair article or the backlash and you’d think that would be a big deal because she eventually called it racist, no? I guess they don’t want to admit that she was feeding the flames of press coverage.

Funny how they aren’t bitching about the UK tabloids harassing her after the moved to the UK. Could it be because the tabloids were not reporting on that…but Lainey and Hello! Canada (Where Jess started leaking after US Weekly got bought out by National Enquirer and Omid got fired) did.

She got the proposal on video. That’s is hilarious. He proposed with fake candles in their yard. How…tacky. Penguin onesies? Why would you want to tell the world that? I’d love some inside info as to how they pitched this to the director. “Sure the palace made sure our engagement sounded glamorous and romantic, but we are not about that. We want to tell them about the LED candles and penguin onesies. It will make us look cheap and tacky? Of course not, everyone will think we are fun and relatable.”

Cheesy Calvin Klein perfume ad engagement pictures with hideously expensive feather dress. We thought that was super tacky and we didn’t even know about the LED candles and penguin onesies. No mention of how much the dress cost or the backlash it caused. Lots of interviews about how excited people were.

Engagement photocall was a lot more glamorous than anything they’ve done for this documentary. The royals really know how to manage occasions. Hard to believe these two are the same couple from the grainy proposal video. Goes to show how persuasive good pr can be. They almost looked regal.

Brexit? Boris Johnson? Really? Intrusion into the lives of the royal family was due to…Brexit and anti-immigration sentiment? I swear this documentary is like Mad Libs. They are just throwing stuff out at random. Paparazzi��.penguin onesies….racism…..Brexit…. The Brexit referendum was in June 2016 and the engagement was in November 2017 so I’m not sure why they are even bringing it up.

“They are just trying to destroy me.” The Brexit movement was trying to destroy her?

It’s over. Wait, they didn’t mention her prior marriage at all??? Lolololol. Brexit is apparently more relevant to her story than her previous marriage. I guess that’s why she didn’t add her first wedding pics and the weed wedding favors to the list of press intrusions. The “phone hack” wasn’t mentioned either or the leaked topless pic. I guess she’s still pretending those weren’t pictures of her.

We seem to be at the engagement and there have been some other interesting omissions, namely Skippy’s wedding and Pippa’s wedding. Weird because you’d think Skippy’s wedding would be a perfect example of press intrusion too. I understand why they left out Pippa’s wedding though. Kinda awkward to admit Pippa invited you to her intimate, family wedding in the same episode where you call her sister “formal.”

Plus Audi polo, the birthday trip in Africa, Vanity Fair, Invictus…they all got left out. This episode curated the timeline to make it look like Meghan did nothing to encourage coverage and press speculation, and that is far from the truth. Her family is also missing and they were stirring the pot all through this time period. They were talking to the press basically every month.

My husband lost interest at this point. He had no comments other than to say her nose looked fake and the pap chase was fake. The group chat discussed whether they truly thought they had a pap chasing them. Everyone thought that was fake because the camerawork was too perfect. They scoffed at the Medieval Times comment and the curtsy. Someone laughed at the Oscar comment.

This was pretty boring. The fake pap chase was the best part.

BTW, Tumblr has a 10-link limit now? How annoying.

On to the next episode.

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glorious-blackout · 11 months ago

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My Year in Gigs

Seeing as we're nearing the end of the year, I thought I'd look back on the amazing shows I've been lucky enough to attend in 2023 and resurrect my Post-Concert Depression with a definitive ranking 😅💚

Eurovision Semi Final One - Live Show: Absolute dream-come-true experience. Loved every minute, the crowd was so kind and supportive towards every act, and I got to see most of my faves steal the show and advance to the finals 🥰

Muse (Dublin) : My second Muse gig of the year was even more of a blast than the first! Absolutely nothing could have prepared me for the joy of finally seeing Butterflies and Hurricanes and Apocalypse Please live 😭

Queens of the Stone Age: Josh Homme arrived onstage, called us all crazy motherfuckers, expressed a sincere desire to get fucked in the ass by a Scottish dude, then called his guitarist a 500-year-old vampire before flirting shamelessly with him. 10/10, no notes. Oh yeah, and the music slapped too.

Käärijä: Half hilarious stand-up show, half incredible party with insanely fun, energetic songs. One of the most enjoyable gigs I’ve ever been to and I would pay good money to fly to Finland solely to see Käärijä play a gig on his home turf.

Muse (Bellahouston Park): My boys were incredible as ever and I had a genuinely great time at this gig, but it gets demoted a little due to the torrential rain cutting our setlist short and making me ill 😅 Would have been an easy third place had technical difficulties not robbed me of the chance to see Verona live...

Go_A: If you’ve never been to a Ukrainian Folk-Rave before, I can highly recommend it! Go_A were simply phenomenal with great energy that had us dancing all night. Highlight of the show was Ihor delivering a badass flute solo while Kateryna went backstage to recharge her awesomeness.

Sparks: These guys have been making consistently excellent music for decades and still have more energy and enthusiasm than most young bands could ever dream of possessing. Such a wonderful set filled with amazingly quirky songs both old and new.

Joker Out: It says a lot about the high quality of shows on this list that I’ve had to rank these guys so low. In any other year they’d be a clear contender for top three! The energy from both the band and crowd were insane, the boys were clearly in awe of having a venue full of Scots singing along with them in Slovene, and I need the Demoni scream injected directly into my veins 😈

Arctic Monkeys: This ranking has almost nothing to do with the band themselves who delivered a great show, but looking back on it I’ve just had to accept that I wasn’t having a good time during a large chunk of this gig. The crowd in my section were rowdy to the point where I couldn’t hear or see anything and I was wasting all my energy trying not to get shoved. My depression was also playing up to the point where I was struggling to get excited over songs I dearly love and I just felt unwell and burnt out all night. The second half was a definite improvement as we’d moved to a calmer area by the time they brought out The Car songs, but by the end I was just exhausted and desperate for home. Would see them again in a heartbeat in a more intimate indoor venue, but I think I’ll avoid any of their big stadium tours in future 😅

Busted: Honestly, I had a much nicer time at this gig compared to Arctic Monkeys. The nostalgia alone of singing along to ‘Thunderbirds Are Go’ at the top of my lungs is always a special moment. But I can’t pretend for a second that Busted’s music comes anywhere close to the quality of Arctic Monkeys’ recent output, so they’re a very reluctant last place on my list of generally incredible gig experiences 😅

Best Support Act: Nova Twins by a country mile. I may have fallen slightly in love with Georgia and her incredible bass skills. It was easy to see why Muse invited them on tour because they seemed so at-ease in a massive arena 😊

Here's to (hopefully) more amazing gigs in 2024! I'd love to hear about some of the great shows that you guys attended this year as well 🥰💖

#honourable mention to Lord of the Lost who I had tickets for but ultimately couldn't see because I was too sick; I'm still sad I missed them #and also to Voyager who I'm sure would have put on an amazing show - looking forward to seeing them after Danny kicks cancer's ass #my gigs #muse #muse band #queens of the stone age #käärijä #go_a #sparks #joker out #arctic monkeys #busted

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fantasticalleigh · 5 months ago

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June 21st 2024 Friday Night Smackdown photos + thoughts

I've been so excited for this show! Too bad it was so hot because by the end I was pretty sweaty but overall it was such a good show omfg

Including some photos but they all came out like ass bc my phone is so old and I was more concerned with being in the moment.

We got there a bit late and were still in the merch line when the show started. When we finally found our seats it was nearly 7pm and Tozawa's Speed title match was already ending. I forgot who he was up against tbh.

Punk opened up the show of course and gave a really good promo about Chicago and his rivalry with Drew. Everyone was eating it up. Personally I have a love/hate relationship with Punk so I still found it entertaining but wasn't cheering for him exactly. he mocked Drew and I've been calling it since Clash and since Punk announced he was gonna attend this Smackdown that I believed Drew was gonna show up and get revenge, just didn't know when. Paul Heyman interrupts Punk's promo to warn him to leave bc even though he's off limits to the Bloodline that they wouldn't be afraid to go after him. And then Paul begs Punk to take him with him :'( Poor man needs a break. They had a long hug. it was really hard to hear what paul was saying most of the time because of how loud the 'we want roman' and 'fuck you solo' chants were. solo interrupted the promo and the boos got so freaking loud i didn't hear a word of what he said. when the bloodline tried advancing on punk we saw cody running out from behind the front row to help punk and everyone went nuts.

(the groups of guys behind and beside me had the funniest commentary running all through the show to the point that sometimes i either couldn't hear or pay attention to what was going on in the ring. also, the sound at the Allstate Arena is absolute TRASH and sometimes you just couldn't hear a word that was being said when backstage promos were being shot so everyone just sat in annoyed silence until the volume was finally raised.)

i'm not gonna go over every single thing in the 'episode' that happened bc that would make this way too long and it's really late so i'm just writing about highlights

Bianca vs. Michin vs. Chelsea Green for Money in the Bank was super fun. Everyone was cheering for Bianca and Chelsea mostly but the crowd definitely popped when Chelsea stole the pin. I love her and really hoped she would get Queen of the Ring but I'm happy with this win and happy with Nia as Queen. Chelsea imo is amazing to watch bc she's doing amazing character work as the self-centered/egotistic/entitled/hot and bratty "spicy margarita" character she is. She's just so damn funny and I'm glad we get to see more of her.

All the Bloodline stuff--yet another member has joined the chat. Tbh i really don't care that much about the Bloodline and never have but at this point I'm cheering for Roman to come back along with everyone bc I don't think Solo Sikoa is all that impressive yet. Idk. He may grow on me. But every time Solo or Tama Tonga were out everyone started booing or shouting 'we want Roman'. Which says plenty. We also got to see a lot of Randy and KO tonight which was really great bc i love them and they're truly out there being the defenders of Smackdown any time the Bloodline pulls their cheating bs. The guys behind me were calling Solo "Temu Roman" which was hilarious. Jacob debuting today looked rad as hell and already a huge threat (possibly a greater one than Solo imo) and apparently he's a big deal in indie wrestling so I'm interested in seeing what he brings to the table.

Bayley was on screen for like ten seconds :(

Andrade was great but for some reason I don't really connect with him so I end up sort of tuning out whenever he's on. I feel bad about it but idk, I feel like he doesn't have a truly distinctive character yet that would actually make me interested in him but all his looks are nice at least.

Randy vs. Carmelo vs. Tama Tonga:

Great match. Melo also taking that win was unexpected but considering he's had mostly losses since his debut this is a good thing. Plus I got a (BAD) photo of Randy doing The Thing before the match and I think that's neat.

(every time i see the MITB briefcases i quietly sing to myself "I got money in the BAYank" from that T-Pain song)

also got this hilarious pic of Randy who looks like a lion pouncing on Mello who looks like a frightened gazelle running away lol

for possibly my favorite part of the night:

MY MANS GOT HIS VENGEANCE.

when this happened in the middle of Grayson Waller's promo (can we talk about how GOOD that shot was??? with the garage door pulling up to do the reveal??) everyone lost their shit and started booing Drew. I was grinning ear to ear bc i fucking CALLED IT. Though i'd hoped we'd have actually gotten to see it happen and not only the aftermath. this is a very shit pic but drew + the cameraperson walked all the way from backstage to the entry and drew just fucking tossed Punk off his shoulders like a sack of potatoes. it was hot. it was wrong and it was wild. the people of chicago cried out in absolute outrage and the boos rained down. look at your god now, i would have said if i had the courage (and lung capacity) he is a mortal like us, he brought this on himself, and he ain't shit.

i was too busy cheering to notice drew taking punk's bracelet? watch? idk. it looked shiny and silver. and then he left without a word but backstage argued with Nick Aldis and others before storming off. absolute cinema. everyone was still booing and i raised my plastic margarita jar in a toast to my beloved Scotsman.

(i'd really been hoping to hear his music live again tho)

at one point at the end of a match i sprang out of my seat and ran to the bathroom because i believed we were on a commercial break. commercials were playing on the screens, after all. i had literally just started washing my hands when i heard ~~L. A. KNIGHT~~ and then the music and i started swearing because i missed his entrance :( i was so annoyed lmao. (I was wearing black lipstick and the Judgement Day spiked vest and when i walked in a woman exiting at the same time saw me and said "Mami!" and it was great lol) (there were a lot of signs for rhea tonight btw we miss her!!!) anyway i got back to my seat while Knight was still in the ring but Logan Paul had just shown up and knocked him out and that sucked lmao for some reason I was sure they were actually going to fight tonight?? guess i was wrong. the guys next to me were cheering for logan, no shame do what you want but bleghhhhh

Cody did two appearances. first when he came out in his corporate attire and then again for his match with Solo. everyone sang his theme with gusto, and it was a pleasure to actually know the words this time. the pyro was WILD. and imo there was too much fog coming from it to the point the arena got noticeably hotter after the pyro went off. i was wearing a mesh shirt and i was still pretty sweaty. everyone did the WOAH. i think cody was wearing his Mania fit so it was really cool to see it again; his costumes are the best in the WWE rn and no one else comes close. at least not in the men's division. the match itself was kinda disappointing with how quickly it was disqualified bc of the bloodline's bs. not that i expected there to be a title drop or anything then and there but it all happened so quickly and i was so annoyed that when jacob came out i was sort of checked out. obvs i wondered who he was but there was no name card on the screens or anything so i was lost until i checked the subreddit later. cody got his ass beat and even tho randy and KO tried to help the bloodline still won and ended the episode and everyone booed them.

was it good tv though? absolutely. i feel lucky to have been there and seen it all live. this is only my second live WWE show and i'm hooked. i can't wait to watch the episode and hear the commentary.

after the cameras stopped rolling The Awesome Truth came out and everyone fucking lit up when Mix and R Truth came out singing their song and everyone was super into it, screaming 'WHAT'S UP?' back to Truth. tbh after the way the main event match went it was a perfect pick me up to end the night and it got our energy back up immediately. then the Judgement Day came out and the boos came out again for Dominik and JD (but mostly Dom). i was there in my dorky lil spiked vest cheering my babies on. it was a great fucking match, super entertaining and they were absolutely feeling the energy. Miz and Dom were having a contest throughout trying to get the loudest crowd response and Miz was raising his arms getting us to build up to it and then Dom tried getting us on his side but when we didn't or just booed him he more or less flipped us off without actually giving the bird lol. he also took a bottle of Prime and tasted it, only to spit it back out in disgust which actually earned him a few cheers and several shouts of "fuck Prime!!" i may have seen it from the wrong angle but it did also look like he wiped the bottle on his butt before tossing it away. R Truth did the five knuckle shuffle and everyone got hyped and screamed the you can't see me thing and then he did it again with Miz and then they did their tag team finisher. idk the name for it but it's the dancey in sync move they do. it's adorable and i love them so much. but back to the match, all of them were fantastic and of course Awesome Truth won, but at one point when it was quiet enough i yelled out "YOU SHOULD'VE LET R-TRUTH JOIN THE JUDGEMENT DAY" and a few people laughed which felt really good lmao.

and after the match ended and everyone was clapping, Miz asked for a mic and told us (and this is very paraphrased and relying on my memory) that he 'doesn't get to do this often' and he isn't used to being cheered so much so this was really great and he was thankful to chicago for that. we cheered extra loud for that and then they left and it was over.

i'm still newish to the wwe universe but i know Miz was a world champ not that long ago. i haven't seen much of that run and i always thought he was a very likable character for all his faults so hearing that he wasn't used to being cheered broke my heart a little bc i like him a lot.

anyway it was amazing overall and i really hope they come back again soon. when i went to RAW in march they gave us all a promo code for early access tickets for this show, but this time there wasn't one, to my knowledge.

after tonight i now have a cody rhodes shirt, a deeper love for wrestling, and a new friendship bracelet. i have a ton that i made for myself a while back and a couple given by friends/family. i wore them all today and after the show while waiting for my brother near the merch line a woman came up to me and asked if i wanted to swap bracelets. i was like :o i didn't know people did that here!! and she said a few do, that she'd given a couple away already and luckily i'd just made an 'omg it's cody rhodes' and a rhea ripley one the night before so i happily gave her the rhea one and she gave me a 'mami's always on top' bracelet in return and just like the Judgement Day bracelet my dear @rogueimperator got me for my birthday, i will treasure them forever <3 i should have asked for her name tbh but thank you kind stranger! now i need to make more for next time :)

a lot of people were also very sweet about my goth look for the night--i was trying to channel Rhea for sure lol but my black lipstick was rubbing off everywhere and i was so sweaty because of the vest and boots lol--not a good choice for a 90 degree day but we're all doing our part to hasten Rhea's hasty return, right??? a bit of sweat is no problem in the long run.

#a very long and post about live pro wrestling lmao #leigh speaks #leigh talks wrasslin #wwe #tbh today was the most makeup i've worn in a loooong time so it felt weird putting it on. and i am the least experienced at eye shadow #but i TRIED lol #friday night smackdown #the brainrot over drew and punk continues.....!#also to the absolute shitwaffle who got mad that we merged in front of them with plenty of space and decided to #AGGRESSIVELY brake check us twice and nearly made us crash the second time: go fuck yourself with a cactus #i got your license plate number bitch and we reported you

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berrypass-de-murdler · 3 months ago

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76. Hooray for Hollywood!

The transition between the last episode to THAT title, lmao

Here we enter the fourth and final season of the murdle cartoon! Featuring new characters and a lot of random shit. I very much hope you enjoy these new developments as we head towards the series finale we've all(?) been waiting for!

In finishing-the-last-few-characters news, Cryptozoologist Cloud is now active!

It took three tries to make sure he matched Fletch's vision, and wow what a specimen. They're half Samoyed and half isopod, with some yeti crab vibes, and they're at least 90. Funny how they're a 'cryptozoologist' when WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL ARE THEY And for the debuts,

Fletchinderat's Executive Producer Steel is just AAAUGHGH she's perfect!! The perfect money-grabbing asshole design. It's rumored she's the archnemesis of the Editor Trio!

And here is the hilariously weak Hack Blaxton, a literal hand puppet! How is this little freak supposed to intimidate anyone? His arms don't even work! If you try to look underneath him, you'll see a person in a fullbody black suit operating the puppet. Does 'Hack Blaxton' even really exist?...

Background Marengo is one of the few that is not finished yet, although her design is essentially complete because she's a faceless mannequin! She's forced to play all the victims in the movie, and she hates it a lot...

DON'T READ THE EPISODES UNTIL YOU'VE FINISHED THE FIRST BOOK!!

Rain pours on a monochrome background. Crammed into an apartment about as big as his self-esteem lies Deductive Logico. He ‘drinks’ coffee, fraught with depression, and stares out the window at the crying clouds, all in black-and-white.

LOGICO: [narration] When you look at me through the window, I know the first thought that comes into your head. ‘He’s a detective’. And you’d be wrong. I, Deductive Logico, am not a detective. Not anymore. The past month of my life I dedicated to revenge, driving me through countless more insipid little cases that led to nowhere. And when I’d solved them all, I learned that the person I wanted revenge for and the person I wanted revenge on were the exact same person. And I was done. No more of this. No more silly mind games. No more chasing shadows. Detective work is over. I cannot and will not put myself through this again.

The color never returns. But a phone does ring.

His first boss.

MIDNIGHT: Would you be interested in making ‘Murdle’, a spectacular film based on your award-winning book and recent occurrences.

Logico says nothing, and just hangs there. Thoughts swirl in his head. He’s done with detective work, but is he done PLAYING a detective? But then again, this movie is based on his life… a life he does not want to re-live.

MIDNIGHT: Never mind if it’s a good idea, let me tell you what it pays.

Logico’s pupil shrinks in amazement and he drops his phone into his coffee. A number never sounded so good.

The theme song happens, so the color is back.

He’s at Hollywood now.

MIDNIGHT: Good. You came. I didn’t want to get an actor. LOGICO: I AM an actor. MIDNIGHT: Also, someone is dead, so you have your favourite job too.

Some film workers are the suspects. They are called Executive Producer Steel, a cyborg woman, Hack Blaxton, an actual puppet, and Background Marengo, a sentient mannequin. And that dumb kid Smoky is there.

LOGICO: How did you get into Hollywood? SMOKY: I LOVE movies! I wanna make one myself! MARENGO: Move over. I want to get MY movie made. BLAXTON: HAH! Good luck.

Marengo slaps him.

LOGICO: I presume all this is some kind of publicity stunt. STEEL: [gasp] Are you for REAL? I would NEVER EVER want to sell a script. UGH. How DARE you think that way of a WOMAN. BLAXTON: I hate you, I do! The only PURPOSE of working in the movies is to sell scripts! My GOD!!!

Well, that’s their motives cleared up pretty quickly.

BLAXTON: Picture it: Background Marengo was in the Argyle Talent Agency. LOGICO: I understand what you were going for, with the ‘picture’ having to do with the film industry. But it is not working.

Damn, Logico is reverting back to his old obnoxious self...

SMOKY: Oh, wow! A film strip was at the Midnight Movie Studios. LOGICO: For one, I probably could have figured that out myself. Also, your catchphrase is terrible and annoying.

I rest my case. But this mystery is shut tight. Like, aside from the motives, there’s close to nothing. Could this be…

A MYSTERY LOGICO CANNOT SOLVE??

Of course not! It’s only the start of the season! But how can he solve this? He’s gone through the locations over and over again… He rolls under a car and pouts.

Irratino is in his giant-ass house. He is trapped with an ankle monitor, doomed not to see the sun for a long while. He sobs hysterically into pink silken pillows as he watches telenovelas and drowns his sorrows in unhealthily large mouthfuls of cheese popcorn. His phone rings, and he forces a heavy swallow and inhales his tears back. He picks up the phone like a badass.

IRRATINO: Mom?? LOGICO: This is Logico.

Half the cheese popcorn comes back up. You can very much tell that Logico is trying to do the most pained, awkward fake smile, even though he can’t.

LOGICO: I [ahem.] [MM.] I need your help with a… with a murder. IRRATINO: H-H-H-HELLO??? HOW?? WHY? DUDE!! LOGICO: Just do your thing please… IRRATINO: Uh-huh, uh-huh! Um… [slaps himself] WAIT A SECOND! NO! NO I WILL NOT, DEDUCTIVE LOGICO! You can’t come running back to me for help now! Is it even okay for you to be calling me while I’m under house arrest?? LOGICO: Tino I don’t have time for this… IRRATINO: WHAT?? You punched me IN THE FACE, SO HARD!! I couldn’t talk normal for DAYS! [manly crying] And there is NO way, that I am just gonna DO STUFF, with the THINGS and the STUFF now!! Right??

Silence. Then, some liquid noises.

LOGICO: Did you take the phone into the bathroom. IRRATINO: NO!!! [ahem] My, uh… my tea leaves say that Steel was in the Great Park. So… BYE!

Silence.

IRRATINO: …This is where you hang up now ;;

That makes Logico blush just a teeny tiny little bit. And he already knows the answer now.

LOGICO: Why… WHY would you need to murder to sell a script? Don’t you already have a great career? BLAXTON: HA! HAHAHAHAHHAHA! I had a great career yesterday. NOBODY has a great career TOMORROW. LOGICO: Especially when they’re murderers.

Logi gives him a tap on the head with a magnifying glass and knocks him unconscious. He probably shouldn’t have done that, but it felt so good.

The end!

Jumpscare gacha cloud

The power of Goat Lord compels you!

See you next time murdlers!

#murdle #cartoonmurdleverse

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thelovelyghostwriter · 7 months ago

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Rant about Disney:

I have not been to Disneyland. As a kid my parents probably didn't have the money to travel. As an adult, there are too many things to pay and my leg pain doesn't allow me to travel. The closest would be either Tokyo or Hong Kong. Shanghai is a good choice too.

Disney used to feel magical though. Their movies were fantastic. They used to tell amazing stories with good underlying messages for children. Now they've acquired so many IPs and have run it to the ground. Too many remakes and sequels. When they did come up with something new, it is either bland, or good but under-marketed. Even my youngest sibling doesn't enjoy newer Disney movies or seem interested. This was a stark contrast to the time I introduced him to Snow White and the Seven Dwarves animated movie. The dwarves and animals were hilarious, the music complemented the movements well and Snow White had so much heart and love to give.

My colleagues with children don't find their 100th anniversary movie that good. I doubt this company will be around to celebrate their 200th. I feel like it has lost its charm. Whatever made them popular in the Renaissance era is no longer there.

I'm afraid by the time I actually had the means to go to Disneyland, Disney would no longer be a huge company. As of now there are records of them losing money. They might have to close some of the theme parks, who knows.

The only good thing that I think will come out of the death of this entertainment empire is that smaller studios will come up with movies that have fresher ideas and better quality.

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practicalmagicintuitions · 1 year ago

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Honestly… the last 3 episodes made me wonder if they had to pay Henry for every minute of screen time and they ran out of money, because he was hardly in it 😅

The first half was actually good imo, but those last three… yikes…

And they didn’t give Henry’s Geralt an “ending” or something like that, so i’m assuming they’ll just continue the story where they left off but with Liam playing Geralt (if they don’t use the writers strike as an excuse to cancel this show)

I feel they had an opportunity they didn’t take advantage of, to explain why he will look different next season. (Spoiler alert: when he’s almost dying in brokilon forest, they could have done some life saving procedure but the cost was that he’d come out looking different or something like that. And then the fans would be introduced to Liam’s Geralt in the final scenes)

I am not planning to watch the show itself but love the analytic videos on YT. Some of them are insanely in-depth, like the one I posted and I found one from a Czech guy who has excellent points on how poorly made and awfully Americanized the series is.

And watching those clips, I have to tell you I don't feel that Anya is such a powerhouse. She is ok, but... she doesn't have a vibe for Yen. Not to mention the lack os chemistry with HC. This is not her fault at all, or him, this is just a fact. Btw in one video, they said they were cast without a chemistry reading. I mean... this is hilarious.

This show could have been great, really amazing, but is just a money-making device for Lauren and Netflix. Shame and I feel the pain of the Polish and Slavic people. The Witcher was butchered from day one, but blind fans of (mostly) HC didn't realise or care. It's a shame but thankfully many of them starts to open their eyes.

BTW HC is not a good choice for Geralt, description-wise, so he is not the only good thing in the show. He was a miscast too. No matter how big fan he allegedly is.

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frostyreturns · 9 months ago

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Frosty Ruins "The Blackening"

At what point does the obsession with identity politics and 'representation but only for specific groups' thing become another era of exploitation films? Are we there already? It's one thing to prioritize movies with black people in them…it's one thing to create a movie for black audiences…but where it gets into blacksploitation territory is when the only thing you are trying to achieve is to make a black movie for blacks and your barometer for a job accomplished is that the people are black. When you call your movie the blackening it already communicates that this is going to be yet another movie that thinks being black is a genre of movie and a personality trait. I'm starting to wonder if they make movies like this bad on purpose because they have some kind of tax scam going…like they write off the losses…they generate buzz from how bad it is and can blame all of this on "racism". Dump a bunch of dirty money into the film...the film bombs so the studio claims the losses. And with AI they don't even need to put that much work into writing these awful movies. Ai shits out a script put a bunch of desperate nobodies you dont have to pay much in it...it makes way too much sense.

My other issue with the film beyond this is it's a horror parody movie…they are like 25 years too late to that party. We've moved beyond parody the writers and creators of today are not capable of understanding the concepts they aim to criticize enough to create parody. We also don't have a shared cultural experience anymore enough to be able to parody anything. It was different back when we all watched the same shows/movies and they were memorable and worth seeing. What's to parody now? Everything sucks…everything is its own parody. It's so rare that the people I know have watched the same things as me anymore. Meaning the references and parody will be lost on me…or it will be horribly outdated and stale. This is an ill advised movie right from the start. Imagine scary movie but horribly racist and not anywhere near as good and you see how low the bar is. And of course its going to be stale the central premise is horror movies where the black person dies first…the tagline is we can't all die first…so it's addressing a trope that's been done to death. The old stale references and tropes are also more ammo in my argument that its ai driven...rather than drawing from current experiences of the world...which a text generator doesn't have it instead pulls from all the stuff that exists already. You get a black reimagining of scary movie with references to blade and jumanji.

Whether I'm right or not it's yet another movie that has me questioning if any human beings actually made it. Which means either I'm right or it's gotten so bad that writers don't pass the turing test anymore. The dialogue is awful, the jokes are barely jokes…it really does sound like somebody put "scary movie but for blacks, and combine it with jumanji" into some chatgpt thing and this is what it turned out. Lines don't seem to follow from the line before it. Like the guy will say "You're asking too much." and she replies "I'll touch your penis later" it lacks the flow or rythm of human speech and lacks the cadence, timing or delivery of a joke. Plot blends with sentence the same way backgrounds blur together in ai produced art. It has the basic shape, you recognize it…but its off. You see what they were going for…but the shape of it is hazy.

It has hilarious jokes like "this looks like blades house…I want to talk to Wesley" get it thats a movie with a black person as the lead…it's a reference…but black.

It's also amazing how things that would normally be seen as horribly racist against black people are allowed because of the context. When the office has blackface in it as a joke…where the entire point of the joke is that it is offensive…its not allowed and must be censored and apologized for. However in a self appointed woke movie they can have slurs and blackface in a board game called the blackening. And of course if they have license to make fun of themselves…sort of…then of course they also have license to be horribly racist to the only group it's acceptable for every other race to be racist to. Every joke that wasn't about white people or race was some other obvious low hanging fruit joke.

Now I looked up the reviews for this movie because I saw a lot of people claiming to like it and could not believe it…and I call shenanigans. I think the reason this movie isn't getting ratioed like it should is for two reasons…#1 fake bot reviews inflating the numbers…anytime you see a lot of 1 star and a lot of 5 star reviews and not much in between it reeks of bots. The one star reviews were all clearly people explaining why the movie sucked…while the 5 star reviews were all generic…many were in spanish for some reason…they had weird grammatical errors and lots of 5 star reviews that say things like "I will want to watch movie." And the other thing saving it from being rated like it deserves is a little bit of the black panther effect where people who didn't see it sing its praises because its a black movie…and people see it as a kind of anti-white activism to defend the movie. I see a lot of comments defending it but most of them are accusing everyone who didn't like it of being white and racist. They may as well have called this one racebait the movie.

Ultimately I would say its "bottoms" for black people instead of for gays. Unfunny pointless movie that exists only for identity politics reasons. It's not as bad as bottoms which I still maintain is far and away the worst movie ever made. The movies and genres it pulls from appeal to the lowest common denominator so I can see some stupid people with gutter palates still enjoying it. It's an hour and a half of black people standing around going look at us we are black. Avoid at all costs.

Not sure what number or star rating to give it…I know

Tax scam/10 money laundering scheme/100 woke/woke

happy last day of black history month everyone.

#the blackening

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jakesuit0 · 1 year ago

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Hitman Review

“Hitman” starts by introducing the Breakfast Kingdom, one of my favorite kingdoms in the show, located in the Bad Lands. Similarly, Breakfast Princess has one of my favorite princess designs. The crew couldn’t decide whether to go with the drawing of Breakfast Princess or of what became Toast Princess, so they put them both in and made them sisters. Good solution! They’re eating breakfast in bed and it looks so relaxing. I love the oranges hanging in their bedroom. It’s just one scene and it left me dying for an episode set there. Ice King breaks in, which seems pretty routine for them. Breakfast Princess just calmly calls Finn. It’s funny how Finn and Jake immediately burst through the door. Finn accuses Ice King of using a love potion, a reference to “Ricardio the Heart Guy.” Finn and Jake view Ice King as more of a nuisance than a villain after the season two finale. They treat him like a misbehaving kid, grounding him instead of beating him up like we’re used to. Their argument over being grounded, with escalating punishments, is hilarious. Finn’s exaggerated smug expression when he threatens to increase the punishment to four weeks is the funniest Finn expression in the series. I love how Ice King takes the grounding seriously. Finn calls him “bubble butt”, and Ice King runs off with a shot of his big blueberry-looking buttcheeks.

I love Ice King throwing a temper tantrum back at his castle. Even in his anger, having to obey Finn and Jake’s punishment is just a given for him. He is fine with hitting them, as long as he stays grounded like he was told. He turns on his holographic computer, which has a pear logo. Ooo must have misinterpreted whatever records of Apple products they still have as a pear. That or Adventure Time takes place in the iCarly/Victorious universe. Ice King searches for a hitman online, wanting them to just literally hit Finn and Jake. He doesn’t know what a hitman is. No other episode portrays Ice King as stupid as this one. It’s an interesting revelation that Ooo has the internet, something that stays consistent. With how easy it is to find hitmen, the internet must be the wild west in Ooo. I can buy that as I doubt Ooo has an international body regulating the internet. Or Ice King just knows how to access the dark web. He hires Scorcher, another amazing new character design. Ice King is way out of depth interacting with someone like this.

Scorcher sets fire to the treehouse. Finn and Jake are making meat-filled sandwiches that look even better than the breakfast at the beginning. They got their meat from the fabled Meat Man, a character that we never see, which is probably for the best. Ice King puts out the fire, and I like how devastated Jake is at his sandwich being frozen in ice, and how angry Finn is at such a horrible tragedy Ice King brought upon Jake. Ice King still doesn’t understand that Scorcher is trying to kill Finn and Jake. He does not want them dead, he’s come a long way from his threats of murder in “Prisoners of Love”. Scorcher tries again while Finn and Jake are sleeping. Eating Meat Man’s meat is really weighing on Jake’s conscious. He has a guilt dream about it. Scorcher’s ability to transform into deadly smoke is really cool. He tries to suffocate Finn and Jake until Ice King again saves them.

Ice King pulls out a big cash money wad to pay Scorcher not to kill Finn and Jake. Scorcher burns it. He never asks for payment. He doesn’t give a shit about money, he does this for sport. He doesn’t speak, but you can tell he goes by a strict code. He made a signed contract with Ice King to not stop until Finn and Jake are dead. Ice King offers a talking reindeer head to hang, another amazing joke, this one much more random. Next he offers night-vision x-ray goggles “for when you have a lady houseguest”. The combination of both night-vision and x-ray is funny, as is Ice King using it to see women naked. Pretty sure you would only see their skeleton, but maybe that’d still be a turn-on for Ice King. He offers to let Scorcher kill his least favorite princesses instead. It makes sense LSP is one of them, as he didn’t like her lumps in “Loyalty to the King.” The picture of her looks derpy, she has more lumps than that! Scorcher views these attempts as nothing but insulting bribes. Ice King getting away by faking a leg cramp is another great joke.

Hiring a hitman hitman is a brilliantly funny concept. Blastronaut charges nearly a hundred dollars. No idea where Ice King gets his money from. I love how Blastronaut blasts through guns blazing and Scorcher just calmly defeats him with a single slice. He looks like the protagonist of an old arcade game. But, it turns out he’s just a tiny, naked goblin in a suit. Ice King still has no idea who he’s dealing with, and tries to pull the ol’ “look over there!” trick. Ice King proclaims that somebody got hit in the “boingloings”, Ooo terminology for balls. It took the writers a long time to get this line past Cartoon Network. They went from using the word “balls”, to “nuts”, to “cashews”, and finally settled on the funniest version of the line anyway. It’s a very funny behind-the scenes story, just as funny as the episode itself.

I love the look on Jake’s face as he stares outside the window, having an existential crisis. He decides to stop eating Meat Man. The running gag about Meat Man is great. It’s totally unnecessary as this episode is funny enough as is, but it adds yet another great element to this one. Ice King comes to warn Finn and Jake about Scorcher. It’s quite the sign of development that he’s willing to swallow his pride in order to protect them. I like how Ice King saying “I hired a guy to kill you by accident” is just framed as a kid confessing to their parents that they did something naughty. Jake’s sarcasm is great, “Good job. Good job, the Ice King.”

Scorcher chases Finn, Jake, and Ice King. It’s cool to see the three of them working together again. Scorcher almost kills Finn and Jake again, but Ice King blocks the attack. Even though it's his fault, Ice King saved their lives multiple times this episode. Scorcher is one of the strongest characters in the series, very few villains have managed that. Ice King proposes to freeze Finn and Jake to fake their death. They are having none of that idea, but it seems more like they think Ice King is too incompetent to not accidentally kill them, which is totally fair. I wouldn’t trust season 9 Ice King with my life. He freezes them anyway. It’s a good plan, and the first intelligent thing Ice King has done all-episode. I like Ice King aggressively hitting and kicking Finn and Jake while yelling “dead” to convince Scorcher. Convinced, he leaves. I would have liked a sequel episode where Scorcher finds out they are still alive because I really like him and he’s an actually intimidating threat. A sequel episode probably would have paled in comparison to this one though. It ends with Ice King sitting on Finn and Jake, finally being the one grounding them. Who knows how long he kept them like that. He probably got bored in a couple minutes and unfroze them, but it’s a great note to end on.

So, this one’s pretty great and memorable. It’s one of the funniest episodes, if not the funniest, in the series. It’s just nonstop jokes that all hit. Ice King has so many amazing lines (although the comedy isn’t limited to him). Even though I mentioned a lot of the jokes, there’s still plenty more great ones I didn’t (Ice King saying your eyeballs explode when you’re burned alive). There’s new amazing character designs, including an awesome villain. It’s also the first episode entirely from the point of view of a character other than Finn or Jake, and Ice King works wonders in that role.

Grade: A

#adventure time #hitman #finn and jake #jake the dog #finn the human #ice king

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