#higgs monaghan imagine | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

roguelov · 4 years

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Something Blooming

Summary: Higgs Monaghan stumbles upon a botantist!prepper and soon a relationship sparks

Note: My first writing in forever woooo! Anyway this was a request from eons ago and I apologize to whoever sent it (I lost it but remember the request but i’ll keep looking for whoever sent it in) and so here it is now almost a year later sorry but please enjoy

Word Count: 5k

*****

Inhaling the world, he could smell the change. The plants that are dead or dying, the rotting corpses of animals, the misery that lingered in the air and clung to every human. Higgs knew the truth. In simplest terms, the world - this horrid abomination of a land - sucked. Ever since the death stranding, nothing was persevered. Nothing was sacred anymore. Life changed. Life transformed into these things of nightmares. BTs, time fall, BBs, void outs, DOOMs, Bridges, Fragile Express, Porters, Preppers, and the list continues to go on in a world that collapsed and tried to cling to the past but somehow only became a twisted version.

Higgs did what anyone could do: survive. He survived his family, he survived the wilderness, he survived using his DOOMs, and survived and survived and survived. Living was for ordinary people. He was given a task, given power, to do what must be done. This world was stuck. It needed a reset. And he was willing to make the choices, willing to do anything. If he needed to be the bad guy then so be it, he was Higgs Monaghan leader of the terrorist group known as the Homo-demens. If the world was cruel then he would be too.

On a day to himself, he strolled through the wooded areas near Port Knot City. He didn’t despise the leadership role he found himself in, but he was human enough to know when he needed a break from the chaos of underlings and stress of planning. It was usually of him to disappear with only a crackle in his wake. His feet carried him while his mind wandered aimlessly. He stared up through the treetops seeing a mute blue sky. No clouds, no sense of any approaching time fall. Not that time fall or BTs were a real problem for him these days.

He huffed and kicked at the ground. Steel toed boots connected to the ground spraying up dirt and rocks. Boredom was a common feeling in Higgs. Boredom, dread, anger, sadness, all those lovely emotions. But he didn’t have the luxury to dwell on them. He had his mission, his task. What more could a man ask for?

A twig crunched in the distance.

Higgs’s head snapped towards the noise. Ducking behind a tree, he peered through the thick maze of the condensed forest. Off in the distance was a person. Their visor up hiding their face. No, it wasn’t a porter. Far too little equipment, or cargo to be a simple porter. The person however did seem to have a destination in mind. Higgs watched as they effortlessly weaved around trees, leaping over small creeks, and hiked up and over boulders. He followed easily sticking to the shadows. An image of a hunter and its prey played in his mind.

Then without warning the person stopped in the middle of the woods. They eyed a small, almost insignificant, patch of greenery and quickly pulled off their backpack. Digging through it, they pulled out a small test tube and plucked a few blades of grass placing it gently into the tube.

Higgs cocked his head. Grass?

The person put the tube of grass in their backpack then walked on ahead again. Only to stop minutes later at a small stream. They once again shook off their backpack pulling out tubes and collecting small plants, soil in the area, and a vile of water.

Higgs rubbed his face in frustration. He clearly picked a quack head to waste his time on.

The person pushed back their visor as they lifted up a tube with a small plant bud. Higgs froze. With the sunlight streaming through, this person appeared almost angelic. No, angelic wasn’t right. Angels don’t exist in this world. But, this person, you, were … warm. A warmth not felt in ages since the beginning of this cold dark nightmare.

You smiled at the sample - this tiny bud glanced over by all. It was the start of life. Life in this new changing world. You placed the tube into a holder inside your bag. You already collected as much as you could. You were a botanist looking to research and understand both the evolution of plant life and how it is affected with time fall since the start of the death stranding. Time fall obviously aged everything it touched so this forest was always changing and it was fascinating to see life continue on in these new cycles.

You shrugged your backpack on and continued on your way home, to your bunker. You’ve been walking all over today collecting as many samples as you could carry. As well as just getting out to breathe in the fresh air. You loved the sun rays on your face, loved smelling the floral and cedar in the air especially right after a time fall, loved hearing the water rush as birds chirped overhead.

Higgs watched frozen in place as you walked away. He thought of following after you, but he didn’t. Couldn’t. As if you were a mirage and the second he closed in you would disappear, be taken, from this awful world. He turned around in the opposite direction back to his campsite. With one glance over his shoulder, he saw your body fade into the thick woods. He sighed then blinked out of existence landing in his tent ready to play his role of god.

However, your face haunted his nights. You always appeared in a halo of light. You would smile kindly at him before dashing off. And without fail, he would chase after you not knowing why or really caring why. Soon he found himself taking more and more breaks in the forest in hopes of spotting you. Initially, he didn't. He almost gave up when you appeared one day whistling a random cheery tune. From then on, he saw you more often.

He realized early on that you were probably some scientist given your test tubes and odd collection. And although you did collect some plant life that only accounted for a small fraction of your time out. Most of the time you simply just took walks. Yes, a normal everyday person decided to trek out into this crazy environment just to simply get out. Not that Higgs entirely blamed you, the mere thought of those confining concrete bunkers always sent a shiver down his spine. So, here he was watching you as you explored the area going to old spots or new. You went everywhere your feet carried you, and you didn’t care as long as you saw the world. While other times, you appeared to have a side job as a porter carting supplies or other unknown things to and from other nearby shelters. And some days Higgs simply wouldn’t see you at all whether it was on his part or yours.

So finally, after a few weeks, Higgs decided to finally introduce himself.

After walking for a few hours, you plopped down in the damp grass near a creek. Your boots kicked up the wet gravel as you skipped rocks and occasionally whistled tunes. Tunes from music before the death stranding. You twisted your body to the side and scoured for a new rock. Your fingers dug into the gravel, below into the mud and dirt trying to find the perfect flat rock. Your nails and hands caked in dirt which was honestly nothing new. After finding the perfect rock, you swiveled back around ready to skip the rock when you caught something in your peripheral. Beside you on a boulder off to your left sat a man. A man in a militia outfit and a red BB attached to his chest. Greens, greys, and blacks covered him like the forest at night. But there were also flecks of gold. As if stars twinkling through the treetops on said dark night.��

He was reclined back on one of his right hand. His free arm laid over the knee of his left leg which was tucked in towards his chest while his right leg extended out over the cool smooth grey boulder. His face, on the other hand, was blocked out by the hood of his cloak. With a quick once over, he appeared to be a man who commanded power. Stature. Who was this mysterious man?

“Whatcha doin’?”

His voice was deep with a soft twang.

Your heart rate sped up. Fear jolted through you only for confusion to smother it. A deep unwavering confusion. A dozen questions flew through your mind. Who was this man? Why was he here? Was he here to possibly harm you? Or did this odd stranger really just want to have a conversation? Realizing the long silence, you stumbled out, “Oh, uh … skipping rocks.”

“Skipping rocks?”

“Yeah?” You winced internally. Saying that out loud sounded down right ridiculous.

He shook his head. “So you ventured out here near BT territory to just skip rocks?”

Your face began to warm up, “Well … well if you word it like that …”

He chuckled finding it interesting how you fumbled your words.

Frustrated, you huffed and skipped the rock which unfortunately sunk straight into the water.

“Not the best rock skipper, are ya?” He smirked.

Your face was hot both with embarrassment and this rising anger. Who the hell was this man?

He continued, “So is that all you do with your time? Come out to this shitty world to skip rocks? Or do you like dancing with death and want to take a chance with a BT too?”

You puckered your lips trying to find your restraint, “I’m a botanist if you have to know so I also come out here to collect different plant life samples and research them.” Seriously, who is this guy?

He rose his hand as a sign of apology. “Sorry let me rephrase that. You come out into this shitty world to collect grass and nearly get caught by BTs and then occasionally you’ll skip rocks.”

You opened then closed your mouth then mumbled, “Well if you put it like that I sound fucking crazy.” You glanced over at this man. “So what about you, mystery man?”

The man tilted his head slightly and you caught a glimpse of his face. Light facial hair shaded his pale jaw and chin. His sky blue eyes, rimmed with black, connected with your own. He stared at you for a minute. Unbeknownst to you, he was completely enthralled. You were something, someone, that he believed doesn’t belong in this world.

He cleared his throat looking away. “Higgs. My name is Higgs, and what do you mean me?”

You smirked realizing his cool facade cracked for a moment. “Well, Higgs, what kind of crazy are you? Clearly you’re not my kind of crazy to come skip rocks and collect grass.”

He chuckled, “Honey, I’m all kinds of crazy that you wouldn’t want to know.”

“Try me,” you countered.

He blinked and looked back over at you.

Your smirk melted into a genuine smile. “(Y/N)’s my name by the way, thanks for asking.”

He laughed shaking his head.

After this encounter, you and Higgs met more often. Sometimes you waited for him at that creek, or sometimes he would just appear next to you as you walked through the woods. He told you he had DOOMs, obviously not the whole extent of his powers but the basics such as teleporting and sensing/seeing BTs. Initially, you were impressed with his skill but, later on, if anything you became more annoyed by it. Mainly because it always managed to scare you half to death when he suddenly appeared next to you. Higgs, however, enjoyed it immensely and didn’t see it ending any time soon.

Days turned to a week. A week then turned into a month. And one month shortly became two. Then three and so on. Your friendship with Higgs only continued to strengthen. Sometimes you would see each other for days or none at all. It never bothered you. You were busy with your own life and research as well as your small delivery service. And you knew Higgs had his own life to live. Now, of course, you knew he was part of that terrorist group, the Homo-Demens. You weren’t completely dense. Given his unusual outfit and how you knew a base of the group was close by were all indicators. You just didn’t know what role he played and frankly you didn’t want to know.

Luckily, today was a day where you were both free after days of being separated. It was the middle of the afternoon, the air cool under the shade of the treetops with a light breeze blowing from the north. You and Higgs were at the creek side. The typical, and frankly only, meet up place. Instead of talking about nonsense or telling jokes, you were rambling on and on about plant life and how the time fall accelerates the cellular process. Higgs unfortunately asked what you’ve been up to as of late which spiraled you into your research and everything you knew. Higgs typically tried to avoid these topics but sometimes he simply couldn’t. But, he didn’t mind that much. Even if he only understood about a third of the words coming out of your mouth. He had no intention of stopping you any time soon. You were always so animated and excited by your discoveries especially your theory on how time fall could possibly bring back extinct plant species. In all honesty, he found it adorable.

One time, he did comment on it.

“Sweetheart, you are really cute when you’re all worked up over this plant stuff,” he said leaning forward, his chin resting in his hand.

You cut yourself off mid-sentence. You whipped your head over as your face grew hot at the time. “Well, it’s basically my job, my-my life.”

You quickly tried to cover your embarrassment and continued on with your rambling. However, like the tricky predator that he is, Higgs noticed. Noticed that little weakness. He made a mental note and saved that discovery for another time. Maybe more experiments will need to be done, he jokingly thought to himself.

However, in the middle of your rambling today, thunder clapped. You stopped and glanced up at the darkening sky. Higgs glared up at the sky. With a snap of his fingers he could stop it and in all honesty he was about to but you spoke up.

“We can go to my bunker and stay there until this passes over. It’s not that far from here.”

Higgs blinked.

Without hearing his answer, you stood up and started walking in the direction of your home. Higgs shook himself out of his trance and scrambled up following after you. When the thunder rumbled louder, time fall began sprinkling down. You pulled up your hood and darted off. Higgs cursed under his breath and chased after you.

An odd feeling of familiarity coursed through Higgs. But, he ignored it. He needed to keep up with you.

He had to admit you were agile. And he knew why. These woods were your backyard. You knew them well enough to know the quickest route home. Down a hill, you rounded around at the bottom of a cliff to see your bunker, your home. There was a tiny greenhouse outside with one side sheltered from the time fall while the other side endured it. A little experiment you set up a while ago. You wondered how it would change today. Your bunker was also mostly covered by its surroundings like the trees and bushes as well as vines that slowly crawled up its walls encasing it.

Higgs skidded down the hill and landed behind you. Taking in the sight of your home, he spoke the first thing that came to mind, “Why am I not surprised it looks like this?”

You turned your head looking at Higgs who strolled up next to you. “Meaning?”

Higgs raised an eyebrow at your idiotic question. “Meaning what else would I expect from a person who plays around in grass and dirt?”

“I do not play -“

“Sorry, sweetheart, examine dirt and grass.”

“Do you want to come inside or not? I could just leave your ass out here. Let your body waste away and become one with said dirt I examine?”

Higgs smirked. “You wouldn’t.”

“I don’t know, maybe that’ll be my next experiment. Does human remains act as a good fertilizer?”

Higgs chuckled, “Honey, we both know I’m way more entertaining alive.”

You hummed as you strolled towards the entrance. “Debatable but you sure as hell would be less annoying.”

Higgs sucked in through his teeth. “Damn. That hurts.”

The two of you stood inside the mouth of your bunker now covered by the raining time fall. You took the few steps down the inclined ramp and pulled back your hood. A keypad glowed next to the heavy metallic door. Punching in the numbers, the door popped slightly open. You turned to Higgs before you entered.

“Now please don’t make any stupid comments.”

Higgs cocked an eyebrow.

“I mean it. Or you’re fertilizer.”

He pressed a hand to his chest with mock hurt, “I’m wounded you think I’m so awful.”

You gave him a pointed look.

“Alright, cross my heart I won’t make any dumb comments.” He paused with confusion. “What’s the problem anyway? Bad decorating skills?”

You stared at him, at his blue dazzling eyes. The color of cornflowers on a sunny spring day. Every time you looked at them all you could think of was spring, of flowers in full bloom. You teared away from them and mumbled, “Sort of.”

Pushing open the door, you walked in with Higgs following closely behind and the second his foot stepped in he thought he was transported to a world before. Plants in unique pots, some of them refurbished bowls and cups and some of them actual clay pots, hung from the ceiling. Plants from herbs and spices, to mosses, to cactuses, to flowers. As his eyes traveled from above to below, he realized there were even plants in pots on the ground. Miniature trees and ferns strewn about.

With the entrance in the middle of the bunker’s floor plan, the living room was off to the right, while the kitchen and dining room was off to the left. And plants practically littered every square inch, but it wasn’t packed or claustrophobic, it was just perfect. Higgs’s eyes wandered off to the left of the kitchen to a glass door leading to a lush garden filled with vegetables and fruits. He even spotted two long wooden desks side by side with beakers, tubes, computer, and a microscope. Papers scattered all over with notes scribbled down. Your workstation. Your workstation in your indoor greenhouse.

Of course, it’s in there, he thought.

“Damn you really do have a green thumb,” he mumbled before he tried to stop himself.

You glared slightly at him.

He raised his hands in defense. “What? It wasn’t stupid. It … it was just a simple observation. A, uh, compliment.”

You hummed ‘uh-huh’ then walked towards the hallway going behind the kitchen to your bedroom to remove your overalls and muddy boots.

Higgs pushed back his hood and plopped down on the couch in your small, yet cozy, living room. Your furniture was made from a dark wood which compliments all the greens. Summer and spring were jammed into this bunker. And he honestly didn’t expect anything else. It was you. Bright and lively. Warm and welcoming. And … and just nice. He removed his gloves and gently caressed the leaves of a fern by the edge of the couch.

“Are you going to keep touching my plants or do you want a drink?”

Higgs snapped his head over towards you out of your overalls and in sweats and a shirt. You were in your kitchen with a hand on the handle of your fridge. He cleared his throat and yanked his hand away. He mumbled a yes. Why did he feel so weird? He supposed he had never been in your home before but there was something else. Something more. He glanced over to you as you poured two glasses of lemonade, lemons courtesy of your lemon tree.

Radiating, he thought.

That’s what it was. You radiated in here, in your home with all the life you helped grow. It was pieces of you scattered all over. No wonder it was so cozy. So captivating.

“So you really grew all of these yourself?” Higgs asked.

You turned around with two glasses full, “Yup. I mean you don’t see anyone else around here do you?”

He chuckled, “No I guess I don’t.”

You plopped down on the other end of the couch and handed the drink over. Higgs quietly thanked you and took a small sip. It truly was one of the best things he had lately. Perfectly sweet and sour. He hummed in satisfaction to himself then set the drink on the coffee table.

“So all of these,” he gestured to the endless amount of plants, “is just for research purposes?”

You shook your head, “No, I also have a delivery service for all my fruits and vegetables and my herbs and spices as well as delivering some flowers or just other plants in general.”

“People pay you for flowers?”

“Yeah some do.”

“Huh.” His eyes focused back on the array of plants. He supposed he could understand wanting some color in these grey block cells.

As Higgs stared off at your collection, you stared at the snarky golden skull masked man. A habit you formed. You noticed early on how one sided he was. He would ask you multiple questions which you would kindly answer, but he never returned the favor. Never talked much about his past or what he does. You tried asking about his odd ... markings and clothing, overall aesthetic, but he brushed you off.

“Gotta stand out in these shitty times, make a name for myself,” was what he said.

You watched as Higgs continued to be entranced by your plants. A faint smile twitched on his lips. You mimicked his tiny smile. “Do you want a flower?” You asked softly.

Higgs’s head whipped towards you. “What?”

You repeated yourself, “Do you want a flower?”

“Huh no I -“

“Ok I’m going to stop you there because the only answer I was accepting was yes.”

He chuckled. “Oh really?”

“Uh yeah really.” You smirked.

“Is this the part where you also claim your undying love for me too?” He asked leaning towards you. With one of his arms draped over the back of the couch, his hand crept closer. His thumb skimmed your shoulder causing a shiver to crawl up your spine. Higgs smirked to himself. Another successful experiment, he thought.

Playing it off, you scoffed rolling your eyes, “No this is the part where I give you a flower so you stop making weird googly eyes at them.”

He scooted closer whispering into the shell of your ear, “Nah I still think it’s an undying love part.”

Teasing touches fluttered over your skin. From his leg that bumped into yours, his thumb that now drew circles on your shoulder, to his breath that tickled your neck, to his cornflower eyes that burned into you.

“Think all you want Higgs,” you muttered.

You jumped up and walked, as calmly as possible, into your bedroom where a particular plant rested. Grabbing shears along the way, you delicately snipped the stem and strolled back out. You stepped up to behind the couch as Higgs watched you the entire time.

You bent down resting your forearms on the back of the couch as your fingers twirled the stem of the flower, specifically a white carnation. Your eyes connected with Higgs. The close distance noted in your mind.

Taking a deep breath, you asked dramatically as you batted your eyelashes. “Will you, Higgs Mongahan, accept my flower?”

He chuckled. “It would be my honor, darlin’.” He plucked the flower from your hand. His calloused fingers skimming your own. “So what is it anyway?” He asked lifting up the flower to the light.

“Carnation.”

He glanced at you from the corner of his eye. “And why this flower in particular?”

“Well I just find the petals to be chaotic much like yourself and back before the death stranding it was said that white carnations were a symbol of good luck.”

“You think I need luck?”

“Higgs, sweetheart, you need all the luck in the world. It’s pure luck that I haven’t strangled you myself let alone some other poor unlucky soul who has the pleasure of meeting you.”

He laughed throwing his head back. “You got me there.” Shaking his head as his laughing fit died down, he then placed the flower in his lap unsure where else he should actually put it.

“No dumbass,” you reached over and took the flower. Before Higgs could utter a word, you gently grabbed his chin making him stare at you as you carefully placed the flower behind his ear. You snorted at the sight of a terrorist with a full bloom flower tucked neatly behind his ear, “See perfect.”

Higgs had a dozen witty comments on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t utter a single syllable. Your smile and laugh shook his world. Both of you were blind to how the other affects each of you so greatly.

“I should make you a crown,” you giggled. “I bet your little buddies would like that.”

Higgs blinked, “Buddies?”

“The Homo-Demens.”

His eyes widen a fraction in surprise. You knew? Since when?

Seeing his reaction, you rolled your eyes, “I’m not stupid Higgs I know you work with them.” You gestured to his getup. “I mean you’re not exactly hiding it with this ... unique choice of clothing -” a giggle bubbled up “- but can you imagine, all these hardened people ready to wreak havoc and there you are in the middle with an array of colorful flowers adorn on your head.”

Your laughing fit continued.

True to what you said, Higgs wasn’t hiding it but he never confirmed it. He never spoke of what he did and if he did it was through vails of vague wording. Mainly, he told stories of his old porter days and other things he found funny or interesting. Like Egyptian lore. He really liked talking of the practices and beliefs of the Egyptians. He found it so fascinating. And for you, you liked seeing him smiling, seeing him so relaxed and carefree, as he talked about something he was interested about.

However, one thing popped into his mind.

“So, you don’t care?” He asked. Almost hoping for a certain answer.

Your laughter died down as you stared at a more serious Higgs. Something you hardly saw and if you did you knew to mimic the tone.

“Well, no … well yes a little bit, well -“ you sighed gathering your thoughts. You sat down and twisted your body to face him. “Look, no I don’t care. It’s your business and if you want to tell me great if not then I won’t pry. But do I trust them and agree with what they do? No. Obviously. But do I trust Bridges either? Hell no. All I see is two questionable sides battling it out and honestly I just want to do my thing in peace and pray no one gets hurt in general.”

Higgs nodded as his eyes drifted away. “Yeah, okay.”

His tone was soft. You weren’t sure how he felt. You reached out and squeezed his thigh grabbing his attention, “Hey I’m not here to judge, okay? And I won’t. Do you think I’m honestly perfect too?”

Yes. He thought you were perfect in every way. You could do no wrong in his book. You were his beacon, his anchor, in an ever raging storm. Instead of voicing all of that, he said, “And what would a nerdy botanist do?”

With a deadpan expression, you replied, “Sell drugs.”

Higgs squinted his eyes. “You do not sell drugs.”

“You don’t know that. I could have a whole secret room where I grow certain plants and then use them to manufacture drugs to sell and trade to make an insane profit.” You paused as you reclined back pulling your hand from his thigh. “I have a whole crew of people to operate and I happen to be great at silencing those who oppose me.”

Your expression was truly throwing Higgs off. You smirked and cocked an eyebrow. A way of saying, ‘You’ll never truly know’. Higgs then laughed shaking his head, “I don’t think you do, sweetheart, because if you did then I’d be pretty pissed for not being a part of it.”

“Selling? Or recreational?”

“Both.”

You both laughed.

From then on Higgs always carried a flower in one of his pockets, whether it was a white carnation flower or another random type he couldn’t remember the name of. Even if you tried drilling all the types of flowers and plants, both the scientific and the common names, into his head. He’ll never learn. Or maybe, he simply chose to lie just to hear you talk about them all over again.

Whatever it may be, Higgs now had a piece of you with him at all times. And unknown to him, he now smelled of spring. Of fresh flowers blooming after a rainy day. Would anyone tell him or point it out? Never.

Higgs appeared lighter, happier than ever before in his life. He loved going to your home and enjoying fresh lemonade and sometimes tea. With all of your fresh food, you had the best drinks and to be honest the best meals too. You were an amazing cook which always filled Higgs’s stomach and heart.

But what Higgs loved most of all was snipping one or a few of your flowers, with your permission of course, and giving it to you for you to wear the rest of the day. Just like today. After a long day, the two of you, both in sweats and t-shirts, were sprawled out on your living room floor on top of a plush rug. Petals littered all over the floor. Your arms and legs in star fish positioned as Higgs sat at your side gently placing flowers in your hair. Some stuck in while others fell out. His fingers gently caressed your face as he rested the flowers in your hair. Your eyes were closed as you enjoyed this soft, tranquil, moment.

Higgs smiled to himself.

With your eyes closed, you whispered, “I hope you know I will be billing for all the flowers you use.”

He chuckled. “You said that last time.”

“I know, but just reminding you.” You cracked open one eye. “I won’t give you the bill until it’s very high and wildly expensive.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

You smiled closing your eyes again.

Higgs realized in that exact moment he didn’t want to survive anymore. No. He was tired of it. He wanted to start living. Living with you by his side. Whether it was as friends or partners, he couldn’t care, as long as you were there in his life.

#death stranding #death stranding imagines #death stranding oneshot #higgs monaghan #higgs monaghan imagine #higgs monaghan oneshot #higgs monaghan x reader #higgs #higgs x reader #death stranding higgs #reader insert

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builtonashes · 5 years

Text

White Noise

So @qtmeryr asked the following:

Hello! I saw your post about fanfic requests so I’ve got one! Could you please write Higgs x Reader (Death stranding ofc) fic in which Higgs and reader are friends but suddenly she/he starts to feel something more so tries to ignore Higgs, and because of that he gets mad at her/him?

And who am I to deny such a nice request? ;)

WARNING: Takes place after the game, so spoilers are obvious.

Rating: T+

Pairing: Higgs Monaghan x Reader

Reader’s gender not specified.

You sat down on the grass, trying to collect your thoughts and relax before coming back to work. The weather was surprisingly pleasant; warm wind ghosting your face, some kind of sweet, flowery smell heavy in the air. Spring was in full bloom and you were so glad to have this moment outside. It wasn’t often that you could just unwind and sit down like that. You even made sure to bring a vacuum mug filled with tea to support you during the recess.

As it was, you really did have a lot to think about. You always knew that you were too nice for your own good. Too naive. You couldn’t help it at this point though; it was in your nature just like your parents’ before you, in the way they taught you to live and interact with society. You found yourself used and exploited by others many times, never truly able to read their intentions, always assuming that they were fueled by something good, by the will to do something right. The funny thing is, he was the first one you read right away. You knew it was wrong to even talk to him. You knew you should avoid him at all costs. You knew that his nature was an almost polar opposite to yours, incredibly selfish and arrogant, always focusing on his own gain. But even knowing all this you were somehow drawn to him, actually enjoying the time you spent together. You couldn’t really pinpoint the reason for that at first, but as time passed and as your meetings grew more frequent you realized it was because of the way he talked. He was a smart guy, very quick to learn new things, very attentive to whatever you would talk about. Truth was, he seemed to be the first person in a pretty long while to challenge you intellectually. And you liked that. You liked that because he made you see things in a new, fascinating light. Especially when it came to the events of the Death Stranding and the true potential of chiralium.

Now, you might have been naive, but you weren’t stupid. You knew of all that his ego has brought upon him. When he fell, he fell hard - putting everything on the scale and losing it all in the end. You saw the surprise, the desperation, the fear present on his face for the first time ever. And it did something to you - seeing him vulnerable, lost and defeated made you realize something you were trying to hide from all along.

It made you realize that you cared. Probably a little too much.

The realization dawned upon you as something so obvious you should’ve been able to tell a long time ago. But you made a pretty good job of pretending the feeling wasn’t there. Even though you knew he was just using you like all his other assets. Even though you knew you were as disposable to him as a paper towel. Even though you knew he was spending time with you just because he was bored. Yes, you were naive. But you were not desperate. It was time to let him go. You had to focus on other things, focus on your work; nothing good could’ve ever come of tending to him instead of the people who actually needed you. And you knew that getting attached to someone like him would just end in a disaster anyway.

So you stopped replying to his emails. You stopped taking his calls. You would send him an occasional message telling him how busy you were and that he should take the time to nurse himself back to health. That he should tend to his injuries. It was strange, not seeing him for nearly a month after spending so much time together. But you promised yourself to stay strong in your resolve. To not give in to something as trivial as missing him. You could do more good if you let him go.

Except now that he no longer occupied the space on your couch,he constantly occupied space in your head.

You sighed and took a long sip of your tea. You had to get through this somehow. Might have been easier if you had other friends to spend time with, but in this world connections were not something to be built easily. Most of your friends were gone. Some of them indefinitely.

But you still had your job to do. You still had your research and enough chiralium supply to run your tests. People needed you and distractions were not welcome.

You laid down on the grass with a heavy sigh, happy to feel the warmth of the earth beneath you. It calmed your nerves, soothed the white noise in your head. You took a few deep breaths to commit the smell of blooming flowers to memory. You almost forgot what it was like. Cooped up in your lab, rarely coming outside because of all the storms and BTs. It was much better now. Easier. But your heart was somehow heavier.

You had no idea how long you spent laying there with your eyes closed. You probably even took a short nap on the warm ground. You expected the warmth to pass soon, to give way to evening and ultimately to the cold winds of the night. What you didn’t expect was to see someone standing over you when you woke up.

You did not expect to see Higgs.

“Took you long enough,” you heard him say, an unnerving tone to his voice. “I’ve been standing here for the last what… ten minutes?”

You sat up quickly, blinking once, then twice. It wasn’t a mirage. He was really there.

“What are you doing here?”

“What, am I not allowed to visit an old friend now? Is this the way you greet all your visitors?”

“No,” you answered quickly, taking another sip of your tea. “Only the ones who are not welcome.”

“Now that is just rude.”

“It’s showing up here with no invitation what’s rude. I’m busy, you know.”

“I know. Or so you’ve been telling me. But I don’t see you working too hard.”

“I’m human. I need to take breaks.”

“Yeah right. Cut the crap. What’s up? Why have you been ignoring me?”

You rolled your eyes and focused on the tea again. What were you supposed to tell him?

Before you even managed to collect your thoughts, he sat down next to you and nudged you with his elbow. You sighed and turned to face him.

“I’m not ignoring you. I’m busy. I already told you.”

“Busy saving humanity? Busy laying on the grass? Busy ignoring me?”

“Not everything has to be about you.”

“Maybe not, but I’m pretty sure it is. At least now. So wanna tell me what’s going on or do I have to guess? I have time, you know. I can do this all week.”

“I can’t. I have to work.”

Was it… impatience that you were hearing in his voice? Or was he getting angry? You couldn’t really tell, but there was certainly a different undertone to his speech now. Something edgy. Something else.

“I called you seventy two times. You only picked up once. I sent you twenty long emails. You replied to two. You call this not ignoring me?”

“Higgs,” you sighed again, shaking your head. “I’m trying to focus on my work. I have a lot to do. I can’t be distracted now.”

“So you’re saying that I’m distracting you? I should probably take this as a compliment.”

“It’s not a compliment. It’s the best explanation you’re going to get.”

He went quiet for a while. That was something you didn’t expect.

“Why are you so distant, Y/N? Tell me. I’m worried.”

Worried. He’s worried. You almost laughed.

“I just… you don’t need me, Higgs. And I don’t need you. It’s probably for the best if we stay away from each other.”

You were suprised to feel his hand squeeze your shoulder. It was not a pleasant surprise, but it made you look at him nonetheless.

“Why are you saying this, Y/N? Why now? We didn’t really need each other before either. Yet I’m pretty certain you enjoyed my company during those long, boring nights filled with snowstorms.”

“I did. But that was before I knew who… what you were. Admit it. I’m just another asset to you. You never really cared about me. Just about what I could do for you. And I was stupid enough to actually help you.”

Wow. He looked really offended.

“That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard, Y/N. It would probably even hurt me if I knew you were telling the truth.”

“I am telling the truth. I don’t want to be used by you any longer. I have to focus on things that actually matter. You can go bother the porters if you’re bored. I don’t have time for this.”

His movement was sudden and actually a little bit startling. He moved up, reached out for your face and framed it with his hands. For a while you thought that he was going to headbutt you. Instead, he just looked into your eyes with intent so strong it almost broke your resolve.

“So this is it? You think I’m bored? You think we don’t matter? Are you for real?”

You hesitated. Probably for a while too long. But you were not going to break because of the anger in his voice.

“I think you use people, Higgs. And I think you were using me too. And I don’t need this anymore. I want to do things that help people, not bring chaos to their lives. You are evil. You always were. I just couldn’t see it that clearly before.”

He let go of your face, letting his hands fall down his sides. His facial expression was suddenly something between hurt and anger. You almost regretted saying what you did. Almost.

“Did you ever even care about me? About my feelings?”

You didn’t reply. What were you supposed to say? You did care. But you didn’t want him to know.

Suddenly, he stood up and started pacing back and forth. You could see that he was distressed. Angry. You were actually surprised to see that your words affected him this much.

“Higgs, I don’t…”

“And here I thought you were different. That you were not like other people,” he spat, not letting you finish. “I thought you liked me. I thought we were friends. I thought… I thought I had something to keep me here. Someone. But no, of course not. Higgs is the monster, it’s all his fault. I’ve learned my lesson. I should have never trusted you. You think I used you?” he suddenly stopped right in front of you and brought his legs down to a squat. His face was inches from yours now. “Well, I think you used me. How does that sound?”

You wanted to turn away from him, to hide from the piercing look in his eyes. You felt like he could see right through you, right through the walls you put up to not let him get any closer. You felt so wrong when he was looking at you like that.

“You’re delusional, Higgs,” you whispered through gritted teeth. “And you’re mad. You are known to make people your puppets and then discard them when you no longer need them. Do you need me to remind you what you did to Fragile?”

He moved closer. You scooted back. You were actually starting to worry. Would he hurt you? What if he did? There was nobody here to help you. When he grabbed your hands, you actually felt panic rising deep in your gut. Even stripped from his powers, Higgs could still easily overpower you with his bare strength. A shiver ran down your spine.

“Fragile,” he hissed, his nose almost touching yours, “Was not you. She was a tool. I was wrong about her. But you… you… I thought you were… all this time, I thought…”

The desperation in his voice was new. The shift in his speech was strange. Unfamiliar. It went straight to your heart, piercing it with searing pain. Was he… scared? Angry? Lonely? Or maybe all of that?

You tried to move your hands, but his grip was heavy, almost punishing. There was no way for you to escape. He moved even closer, kneeling between your legs. You were frightened.

“I don’t know what you thought,” you whispered, suddenly ashamed of the fear so obvious in your voice. “You never showed me. You never let me understand. You just took whatever you wanted.”

He pressed his forehead against yours. Cold. Another shiver went through your entire body.

“I never showed you,” he repeated, a weird laugh finishing the sentence. “That’s true. I never did. I didn’t know how. But I will. I’ll make you understand. I’ll make you see. That’s easy.”

When he pressed his lips against yours, he took you by surprise. You gasped. The sheer desperation of this gesture took your breath away. His lips were chapped but warm, not an unwelcome presence against your mouth. You closed your eyes. The worry didn’t dissipate at all.

He let go of your hands and brought them to his face, pulling you closer, teeth nudging at your lower lip. You moaned against your will, hoping he wouldn’t notice, but he did. He pressed into you even harder, licking into your mouth with wild abandon, not even stopping to take a breath. Hs hands were suddenly behind your back, pulling you closer, flush against his chest. You couldn’t move away, you couldn’t let go. But you didn’t want to.

You tried to pull away from the kiss to breathe, but he chased your mouth with his immediately, not letting you go. It was messy and ehxilarating at the same time. But you had to breathe. At least for a while.

“No, don’t, don’t go”, he whispered against your lips whenever you tried to put some distance between you. “Don’t turn me away. Please. Please. I’m begging you.”

You never heard this type of desperation in his voice. Broken. Scared. The kisses were grounding him, you could tell; and when you didn’t move away he pushed into you even more.

“I’m not,” you said between kisses, against your own will. “I’m here. I’m here.”

One final push sent you back on the grass with Higgs on top of you. His hands were in your hair, on your face, tracing lines against your hips. You fisted his shirt to bring him closer. You needed to make this right.

“Y/N, I’m…”

“Shut up,” you said, your lips ghosting against his. “I think I get it now.”

He leaned into your touch, chasing your hand where it reached for his cheek. You felt another sting in your chest at the look on his face. He was scared. So all this time... and he only showed you that now.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, voice barely above a whisper. “I’m so sorry.”

He kissed you again, hard, grinding against you with his entire body. He was heavy, but you didn’t really mind. It was a welcome weight to counter the constant painful pull in your chest. When you felt his fingers in your hair again, you moaned. He was actually gentle. Desperate and so lonely, but surprisingly gentle.

Your moan made him moan too. The shiver that ran down your spine this time was something entirely different from the fear you felt not so long ago.

Biting your lower lip, he closed his eyes and nuzzled your nose with his. You bit him right back, sliding your tongue against his. Who would have thought this might be a better way to settle your argument. Pushing and pulling back and forth you made a hot, writhing mess of each other. It felt oddly satisfying in more ways than one. But you needed to settle this. And you decided to take him by surprise.

You managed to roll him onto his back, straddling his hips and locking him down with your thighs. He looked at you then; looked at you in a way you’ve never seen before. Admiring. Passionate. Desperate. Wanting. So many emotions visible on his face you didn’t even know he was capable of.

Who would have guessed. Maybe you were wrong about him after all.

“You can stay,” you whispered, trying to collect yourself somehow. “But we need to set a few things straight.”

“Anything,” he answered, reaching up to place his hands on your hips. “Anything you say. I’ll do anything.”

You were starting to like that side of him. Submissive, desperate. In a good way.

“You help me with my work. I let you stay at my place. You do the dishes.”

He nodded eagerly, a smile spreading across his lips. You lowered yourself to place a soft kiss on his forehead.

“I’ll even walk the dog.”

“I don’t have a dog.”

“Well, that’s something we could look into.”

You shook your head with a laugh. He was impossible.

But maybe, just maybe, you will be able to make this work.

You were definitely willing to try.

#higgs monaghan #higgs x reader #higgs monaghan x reader #death stranding x reader #death stranding #death stranding imagine #i have no idea if i got higgs right #but god knows i tried #qtmeryr

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